ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 22nd January 2024

Episode Date: January 21, 2024

Ideal Pubes  $9 Theory  Silly Little Poll!  MASS-age or mas-SAGE  Hayley met a Listener  Jennifer Coolidge Spotted!  The Impossible Phoner!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshborn and Hayley Big Pod. Enjoy a refreshing McCafe iced coffee available only from Macca's. Great things are brewing. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fleshborn and Hayley. Happy Monday. Happy Monday. Some ridiculously high temperatures yesterday.

I walked out of the house this morning and it reminded me of being a kid visiting Australia. You know when you open up the door and you're like, what the hell's happening out here? Or you get off a plane in like the islands. Like Singapore, yeah. So I think yesterday was, was it Auckland's fourth highest day ever? Was it? With like a 29, I saw a tweet from the Met service with the high temperatures yesterday. The highs, Master mastered in 33 degrees.

Their highest... Is your mic working? I just haven't talked yet. Oh, good morning. I thought I heard a rumbling and I was like... Could have been my tummy. A rumbly tum. A rumbly tum. Yeah, so mastered in with the high yesterday, 33 degrees.

Too shy of their high in 2021 of 35. So good that the planet's warming up. It's really good. It's mastered in a bit of a heat sink. Yeah, it is a little bit. I don't know.

Yesterday, Palmy got to 30. It was 27 in Tauranga, 29 in Gisborne. New Plymouth was 27. Tells me there's not a lot of wind there. Yeah. Wellington, 29. Hamner got to's not a lot of wind there. Yeah. Wellington, 29.

Hamner got to 31. 26 in Christchurch. Yes, stinking hot. And more hot weather today as well. Hot days ahead. Yeah. Bit of rain on Tuesday for Yvonne in Auckland. Yeah, I've got to get the lawns done today.

Yeah, Aaron got them done over the weekend. Did he? Yeah, just lawn check. Lawn check. Fletch your lawns. Don't have a lawn. Don't have a lawn. Don't have a lawn. Carpet.

Okay. Did you mow your carpet? I'll vacuum. Okay. You want to get that out before the rain because you'll get a significant growth after that given this heat. You will. You will indeed.

You'll probably want to get some furt on that carpet too actually. Yeah. I've got some lime on. Lime? Yeah. You're going to put some lime on it. Yeah. Some lime and some old bones.

Some old bones. Blood and bone. Blood and bone. I'm going to have the best roses. Yeah. R old blood and bone. Blood and bone. I'm going to add the best roses. Yeah, roses, yes, but that can burn your lawn. Burn my carpet. The top six on the way. Yeah, uniforms.

They're very expensive things, school uniforms. Very expensive. I've got the top six way to save some money on some school uniforms. I might also Google around to see if there's ever been an article on the country's most expensive school uniforms. Because you know different schools just kind of charge whatever they want. Mine was designed by Barbara Lee.

What's a Barbara Lee? Barbara Lee did the old Air New Zealand uniforms before. So Barbara Lee is a bit of a well-known New Zealand designer. A couple of goes before Trillies. And do they change it out every few years like in New Zealand as well? No, no, it's been around for a while.

They shortened the skirt since I've been there. Which upsets you. Yeah, I don't know. Those skanks. Those private school skanks. Next on the show, if you have, apparently if you have this one item in your house, it means you're well off. Oh, you're a bit to do, eh? You're a bit posh, you're a bit rich.

Okay. Which is surprising because I think a lot of people would have this one thing. Well, maybe a lot of people are rich and we just don't know it. Well, if you've got this one thing in your house, apparently you're well off.

You're wealthy. Give it to me. Is it a double dish drawer? No. Double dishwasher? No. Is it a double dish drawer? No. Double dishwasher? No. Oh, like two dishwashers.

Is it butler's pantry? No. A marble staircase. Shit, I mean, that's a good sign. You're definitely rich if you have it. Indoor, outdoor pool. Like it starts indoors, but it ends up. Oh, see, that's rich. Slide from the third floor to that.

Yeah, lift. Lift. Oh, my God. When people have a lift. I was in an Airbnb and it had a lift. My godfather's got a lift in his house. That's outrageous. Our friend's kid cut her finger off in a lift in that Airbnb.

Don't F around in there. Yeah, no, you don't complain around. No, it's a bookcase. Bookshelves. Right. I'm not allowed a bookshelf. It's not the aesthetic. But you've got kind of in your lounge, you've got shelves, large shelves.

But you can't stack those books. No, for fall off the wall. That's for knickknacks and sort of. Knickknacks and paddywhacks. It's a knickknack shelf. Yeah. Too hard to clean, that's the reason. And they are.

They gather dust. They're a real bastard. Yeah, they are. Well, the hashtag bookshelf wealth is going viral on TikTok and it is apparently because it makes your home cosy

and well lived in and you look wealthy if you've got a bookshelf full of books. Full of books. That's where I reckon the wealth comes in. As someone who's recently gone back into reading, every book is at least $27. They say you don't even need to have bought all the books. You go to like an op shop and you just buy rubbish books

that you're never going to read. Cool colours, right size. Right size. And then like even old Nat Geo magazines. And just chuck them in. And it just makes your home look cosy and well lived in it. It makes you look smarter as well. It makes you look way smarter.

Because if you would be the most smarter you'd have lots of books, wouldn't you? Sometimes old Nat Geo magazines had boobies in them too. Did they? Yeah, like. Do you mean like African like tribal boobies? Yeah. Right. And those ears with the big things in them. Yeah. And the tongues like with the. Yeah. Yeahobies. Yeah. Right. And those ears with the big things in them.

Yeah. And the tongues, like, with the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's ticking your boxes, isn't it? No, no, not... Well, obviously, Vaughan's. Right, yeah, yeah.

Not mine. I just always thought it was wild. You could be at the doctor's or the dentist's and waiting in the magazine. And there's a magazine you could be reading it. You're like, oh, my goodness me, boobies. Boobies. Young Vaughan's waiting to see the doctor. oh my goodness me, boobies. Boobies. Young borns waiting to see the doctor.

Yeah. Some African tribal boobies. Why not, you know? Apparently as well, another thing that people are doing is in front of bookshelves is just leaving big art pieces in front of them as well.

Yes, I've seen this. Not even hung on the wall. You're leaning paintings. Yes, you lean them against the walls. I've been toying with this idea. Yeah, apparently that is also another sign that you're well-to-do. You wouldn't even hang your, sign you're lazy. And you can't find a stud to hang your paintings on.

Yeah. You're waiting to hang it one day. Yeah. But apparently that's also a new trend is just, yeah, leaving art on the floor, leaning against the wall. I've been toying with that idea because we've got all of our art out of storage now ready to sort of find homes. And I was like, maybe I'll try one of these little leans.

But then some people are going to come around to your house and be like, she still hasn't put it up. Yeah, no, hang it. Especially if there's a really obvious place for it to go. But I feel like this kind of works with apartments that are like jam packed with things. Maximalist. Yeah. Yeah, I get that kind of junky aesthetic. I'd like that.

Aaron needs a bit of space. He's a big man, you know, he gets a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I get that kind of junky aesthetic. I like that. Aaron needs a bit of space. He's a big man, you know. He gets a bit overwhelmed by all my stuff. Eleven past six. Okay, next we're going to dive into the world of pubes. Pubic hair preferences.

I don't mind diving into pubes. Oh, good for you, man. My man. Sitting across from me you, man. My man. Sitting across from me, my man. They did a study looking at preferred pubic hairstyles. Okay. We'll dive into that next. We'll touch on that next. No, we'll touch on that next.

No, don't touch it. We're diving. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I have before me a sort of a collated list of studies all looking at attractiveness of the male genitalia. Right. How did you stumble upon this? I have my ways.

I have my websites. You've got Google News alerts? Yes, I do. So we're just talking peni. We're just talking the peni. The vulva was not involved in this study. So I'm going to share with you two that I enjoyed. Okay.

Would you be able to perhaps share this link with me so I might get a, is there a visual accompaniment? No visual, my hon. Just description. Well, I look forward to engaging in some theatre of the mind with you. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm going to imagine my penis with all these haircuts. Well, it's not quite, because I thought as well they were going to be like, the love heart. Yeah. The runway strip.

The strip, yeah. Do dudes ever get the strip? Exactly. Because we're not looking at the vulva in which we get a little bit vajazzled sometimes. Yeah. I would like to see a vajazzled penis. Oh, bedazzled.

There's not really a penis. Pendazzled. Yeah. Pendazzled. Oh, that doesn't have a ring to it, I reckon. They basically looked at, they showed a group of people. Yeah. 80% of whom were women.

Yeah. 27, I believe. Dudes who love it. 24 pictures of penises and were asked to rate the attractiveness of the penis and the perception of the person with the penis. Did they report back to the models that they use? Because imagine finding out in a group. This is like early 2000s hot or not where you'd put your best photo on

but you'd still only get six. Devastating. Devastating. So 24 pictures of penises and they were asked to rate them based on their length, their girth and the amount of pubes. Okay.

And they had to do it on a scale of one to seven. So we're getting the perfect penis with accompanying hairstyle. Okay. So they're getting the perfect plan is with accompanying hairstyle. Okay. So they were asked on attractiveness. And then the second question was whether they looked like they were good in bed, a pleaser, or a pillow princess. Wait, did they only show...

Just lays there, doesn't do anything. Right. Did they only show like the genital or did they show who it was attached to? No, no. Because you'd have bias, right? Also, the scale of one to seven is a weird scale. I know, one to seven. One to ten or one to five.

So basically from this, it's so unsurprising, is the bigger it is, the higher it ranked. The girthier it was, the higher it ranked. What about those ones that you hear about that are just too big, though? Like that wind, yeah. Those infamous, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like they just knocked the wind out of you.

Yeah. No, that didn't, I don't know if they were any involved in this. That would knock the wind out of you. Okay. So the bigger, the more of the willy there was, the more attractive it was rated,

but the less of the pubes, the more it was attractive. So even if you don't, you're best to have less pubes. Are we talking a shaved pubes or are we talking a clipped pubes? They're trimmed. Trimmed or no. Trimmed or no.

Trimmed or no pubic hair. Those with long pubic hair, it was described as long, using their words from the study. Long pubic hair was seen as less agreeable, less open to new experiences and most likely to have the smallest number of sexual partners compared to men with trimmed or no pubic hair. Right. Okay. No pubic hair. I was, and I do apologise for assuming this woman, but I have talked to some friends

and they're like, it freaks them out with no pubic hair. When it's absolutely all gone, it is a shock. Yeah. For me personally, my personal preference, a trimmed limb. A trimmed limb. I don't think we need to be calling it tight. Shave the balls. Can we speak freely here?

Permission to speak freely? Well, can I get into the next study and then we can talk about the balls? Please do, yes. The next study, separate group, whole new study, did a questionnaire with 2,000 people in it. Okay. That you wanted to rate four different scrotums. Oh.

To come from this, it was 56.7% women. The rest of them were men. Or looked at these four scrotums, had to rank them from negative three to positive three. What? A perfectly neutral scrotum would be zero. What if you've got a negative three scrotum? Yeah, that's horrible.

Oh, no, sorry. Not four scrotums, 36 scrotums, they looked at. I was going to say, four's not a bigger sample size. Now, none of them were rated attractive. Not a single scrotum. Not a single one. So, in the end,

it was impossible to identify a beautiful scrotum. Yep. It was instead about which one was the least ugly. Now, did they mention anything about hair? No, in this one, they didn't mention the hair. Right, okay. Now we can return to the- If you've got one of those Sphinx cats,

you must like a scrotum, I reckon. Yeah. Because they look like a cat scrotum. They do the whole thing. Nothing against the scrotum. It's just not the most attractive part of the body. No, but it's not the focal point, really, is it? No, it's not. It's not. Though, but it's not the focal point really, is it? No, it's not.

It's not. Though, shame on you. You should get involved. You know? Don't ignore it. It's there. Don't ignore it. Wait, so what made a good scrotum?

Well, at least a good scrotum. Nothing. What made... They were literally all ugly. But I want to know the criteria of a neutral scrotum. You can't cover it in hair because refer to study one. You know, exactly. Shave the scrotum though You can't cover it in hair because refer to study one. You know, exactly. Shave the scrotum though.

Do they have different touch on hair? I don't have the information before me, but give it a... Because I've never consulted anybody, but shave the scrotum, clip the pubes, as the old Bible verse says. I don't know if that's in the Bible. I think it is. I don't know if it is.

It's John 15. Yeah, Rodney 714. Rodney Wayne 714. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show the balls, clip the pubes. Said unto the Lord. I reckon whack that on a T-shirt. Yeah.

Or a bumper sticker. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello there. School is going to be back in session in the next few weeks. That's gone quick.

That's good. I've had to look after children. Well, they're my children. It's not like I've had to look after them. They are my children. But, yeah, it doesn't feel like the school holidays have been that long. As they draw to a close, stationary list ordered yesterday. Oh, okay.

August wanted all new stationary. And then we went into her room and checked. Still had all of her stationary from last year. She was very upset. This last year's stationary. You think you've got money to throw around willy-nilly on glue sticks when you've already got glue sticks? Yeah.

God, stationery was always fun, though. It was. I used to love it. It would turn up, you'd be like, ooh. My dad could Duracell. Yeah. Oh, my dad could Duracell. You'd wait till dad had finished milking and he'd get home

and he'd get prepped and have dinner, and then after dinner he'd do your Duracell. I did mine. We did our own Duracell-ing. Nah, no good, mate. Yeah, my mum did it. But then later in life we'd just do it with white and then collage it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you could truly express your individuality. And then clear Duracell. Yeah. Oh, my God, how good was a Duracell? It was embarrassing when it got bubbly. But now you need computers and iPads and bloody routers. You need your own routers. Router as in a wooden router. Yeah, you need everything. A lathe. You've got to bring your own router. Router as in a wooden router.

Yeah, you need everything. A lathe. You've got to bring your own lathe. Those things are heavy. It's outrageous. How would you fit that in your backpack? I don't want children, but I couldn't afford it, I tell you. You've got to have your Frank Green or your Stanley Flask.

Oh my God, the Frank Green thing. Do not turn up without it. Speaking of which, can you get a new drink bottle? It's doing my head in. It's got a dent in it. It's moldy. She's on a budget. I'm on a budget.

Thank you. I'm on a budget. She's on a budget. What else are you shopping? What tabs have you got open now? No. What? Nothing, actually.

No? Okay. I'll check. Nothing. Oh, she's looking at the movies. She's looking at the movies. That's expenditure. Looking at the cinemas. I might take my father to the movies today. looking at the movies that's expenditure looking at the cinemas

I might take my father to the movies today what movie were you going to see with your father I was thinking about seeing Aquaman see daddy with my daddy you know what I mean

that's weird top six ways gross let's move on yuck that is so gross yuck hey dad I'm horny thanks Hayley

hey dad move a seat along dad I'm switching rows don't move don't look don't turn back dad I'm popping up behind but don't worry I'm switching rows. Don't move. Don't look. Don't turn back. Dad, I'm popping up behind, but don't worry. I'm just trying to get a better view. Don't.

Don't you dare. Keep your eyes on the screen. Top six ways to save money on school uniforms. Arguably some of the most expensive part of the school. You know, what's required for school. I don't know if this is on your list, but I loved being the older brother. No hand-me-downs. It's not on my list as the second, but here's the thing,

as soon as I got to third form, I was the same size as, not bigger than my brother. Ha! Let's see you give me hand-me-downs now. I'm the big bitch. Aw. Too many farm bag cookies after school.

No, no, to like tall, height wise. Too many bags of banana farm bags. I was, oh yeah. Never banana farm bags. Oh, I love the banana. Never banana farm bags. Do they even still do banana? I don't think they do.

I don't think so. Yum, banana farm bag. I'm just going to Google that. Might get a bag of banana farm bag. Top six ways to save money on school uniforms. Number six. I reckon just go to the school now and have a walk around in all the uniforms that were just dropped around the place last year and then you've got a free uniform.

Yes. Especially the sweatshirts. They're the expensive parts. We had those iron on name tags. Yeah, we had those. Yeah. Do they still do that? Yeah.

Yeah. Roll those off Timu for two bucks. Really? Yeah. I've got a machine that prints them. Do they still do that? Yeah. Yeah, roll those off Timu for two bucks. Really? Yeah, I've got a machine that prints them. Do they do them on Timu with your name? Yeah, you just order a... Oh, my God, that's amazing. I might get some.

Do you want me to print you some? Yes. Because I've got my label maker and I've got a fabric tape. And it does it on fabric. So you just name all my marching gear. I could name all your T-shirts if you want. That'd be lovely. Thank you.

And can you do one called Carl's Knickers? And then we'll sneak into his house and iron them onto all of his undies. Carl's knickers. Carl's sexy knickers. Yeah. Yeah. Carl's sexy panties. Yeah.

Yeah. Carl's knickers. Large. So then when he's taking a lover. When he's taking a lover. It's important to have a couple of large in the drawer. And then when he takes a lover, they'll see his sexy knickers and they'll laugh. Carl's knickers and they'll laugh.

Kyle's knickers. Sexy times. Number five on the list of the top six ways to save money on school uniforms, op shop. Pop along to the op shop for a uniform

and even do the old tag switch. I didn't say that. Sorry? I didn't say that. You can't do that. No, I didn't. You can't do that.

Even though they're already held up as staples. Those old birds know if you change the stickers. Yeah, they know. They know.

Coded. Number four on the list of the top six ways to save money on your school uniform. Art project to draw on your own school logo. Oh, yeah. Everybody's got a Cricut. Cricut? I call them crickets, but they're Cricuts.

They're those at-home vinyl printer-y things. Oh, that's not embroidered. They're called Cricut. No, they're called Cricut. Cricut. Yeah, they're called Cricut. Cricut. Number three on the list of the top six ways to save money on school uniforms.

Go to school without a uniform. Naked. No, no, no, no, no. The school itself is not uniformed. Right. There are some schools that do mufti when you get to a certain age. We don't say mufti anymore. What do you say?

Oh, yeah, because that's... Is that uncancelled? That's right. A mufti cleric. Yes. Or whatever they're called. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what do you say now? Civv right. A mufti cleric. Yes. Or whatever they're called. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, what do you say now? Civvies. Civvies. Civvy day. That's the military term. Okay, yeah, right. Number two on the list of the top six ways to save money on a school uniform. Get a note from your mum saying you can't wear your school uniform.

Oh, yeah? You're allergic to school uniforms. A note from your mum was just sort of a free pass to do anything at school. Especially when you knew her signature. Yeah. God, no P.E. for me, thank you very much. I've got my period. Heavily menstruating.

Vaughn. Vaughn's on his monthly cycle. I don't know what a period is, but I got one. I got a big one. It's everywhere. And number one on the top six ways to save money on school uniforms, homeschool. With the uniform as your pyjamas and the vaccine has microchips.

Mean. Get her done. That's today's top six. Now we're heading over to one of the blondes who helps run the show. Which one? Shannon this time. It's like B1 and B2, the bananas and pyjamas, almost indistinguishable apart from the number behind the B,

and the B stands for blonde in this situation. Yeah, blonde one and blonde two. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, B1? Well, they're not smiling, so I'm going to stop. Well, we make this joke because people in the office, in the workplace, he'd confuse them. Yeah, every now and then Shannon gets a hello, Carwen, and Carwen gets a hello, Shannon. Which is

funny because we've both been here for like over four, I'm at four years, you're what, five and a bit. And Carwen's a lot more superior than I am. Thank you for acknowledging that. Carwen was biting her tongue, I could see it. She was like, we're not the same, bitch, get in line. Shannon, you want to share with us

a theory? Should we call it a theory? Yeah, I've got a money-saving idea. Oh, okay. It's not that one, the girl with the coffee pods. No. Where she's like, here's how to save money. It's basically shoplifting coffee pods. I mean, it's saving money.

She didn't lie. Yeah, she was right. She didn't lie, but it's a crime. No, this one's a bit better, I think. Basically, if you're wanting to buy a new product or an item, so let's say you want some new pants. You're like, my current jeans aren't doing it for me. I don't have any jeans at the moment.

Well, no. I've given up on jeans. Can we talk about, I think jeans are done. No, they're not. Are they not? I think they'll always be a fashion staple. I was trying to rule them out. They're not for me.

Well, if you've got a pair of pants and they're not really working for you, you want to go buy a new pair of pants for winter, right? Yes, I do. Could be a hundred bucks, we're talking. At least. Well, now I've got a money saving tip for you. It's called the $9 rule. Now wait, does this $9 rule work for anything? Anything. It could be appliances. It could be everything you own. Okay. You think, can I upgrade this to feel like a better product for $9? And a lot of the time you can. So maybe those pants.

Why $9? Bedazzling. We talked about bedazzling before, but you could put some diamantes on them. So you're not saying just find the better version for $9. You're going to do something to it to make it better. So if you were like, oh, my jeans button's a bit wonky, go to Spotlight, get a new button. Or, oh, my couch is a bit raggedy, oh, could you...

My couch is raggedy. Could you borrow Vaughan's Bissell? There you go. That's free. And pay him $9. No, you don't need to pay me. I'm happy to lend the Bissell. You let me pay you $9?

No, mine can't scratch my couch. You're a bitch. That was my bitch. Are you more than a $9? No, but maybe I could buy a $9 throw rather than a new couch. Bingo. And so it's just kind of a mindset of change when you immediately just think,

I'm going to buy something new. Go, could I upgrade this for $9? What about my hunk of crap car? See, I'm in that boat as well, and I think we're in more than $9 deep. Yeah, air freshener. Oh, my damp, yuck car. Air freshener.

A damp rid, maybe. A bucket of damp rid in the footwell. You'll get two of those, I reckon, on special for... For nine bucks? Yeah. I don't know about nine bucks, ten bucks. But is it $9 because that's magically not $10? Because it feels like you're not spending money

because there's only one number. Yeah, not two. I wondered if that was the absolute root of it. Anything under $10 is basically free, to be fair. Yeah, it's not changing the number in your bank account. Yeah. No, it's not. This is basically how our parents and how boomers live.

They don't replace things. They don't buy new things. They don things. Yeah, you go home and they're still using the same microwave or kettle or appliance. Aaron had these amazing jeans and they were like, you know, it's hard for him to find jeans, very leggy.

Yeah. And he had these great jeans and his mum patched and like put those little, what are those things? The black, the lining thing to reinforce the crotch and all that kind of stuff. He really burnt out the crotch. Yeah. Acidic gooch.

Acidic. Very acidic. Are you saying that Gen Z has just copied a trend that has been going on forever and adopted it for themselves? I'd say the 1940s. But it is worth it. Less waste. Well, yeah, and also, like, we're in a cosy living cry.

Absolutely. Money's tight. That's right. So, yeah, if you can, I don't know, make do with what you've got. Absolutely. And repair it. Do as we say, not as we do.

I have just bought a new dress. I was going to say. Oh yeah, on Friday. Hayley was literally walking out of the shop saying goodbye and then ended up buying a dress. It was quite amazing to witness. It was like a magnet. I was like trying to leave. It got you.

She was like, do you want to try it on? I was like, nah. Pull it back. Oh, you didn't even try it on. I tried it on on a previous day. It got you. It was attractive. She was like, do you want to try it on? I was like, nah. Put it on there. Oh, you didn't even try it on. I tried it on on a previous date. Okay. Yeah. Gotcha. But when it breaks, I will be darning it.

Play. Zidim's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley's silly little pose. Silly little pose. It's older, mum or dad? My mum's older than my dad. My dad's older than mum. What are your parents about the same? Two years apart.

Dad's older. Yep. Two years and two months thereabouts. Yeah, right. Okay. So you'd be in the minority, Hayley. What am I? 22% of people said mum is older than dad.

78% of dads older than mums. Wow. My mum's only, my mum's I think 11 months older than my dad. Right. So only a year apart. I would have thought it would have been closer though. I don't know, never really. Tell you what, do this again in 50 years, wouldn't that be interesting?

Wouldn't it be the same, because we all age at the same tempo. I don't know, but we'll be dead. It'll be the next lot of people. You'll be dead? I'm not going to be dead in 50 years. I'll be 84. Will you still be drinking the same amount? Yes.

You'll still be alive. You'll still be playing with asbestos? Yeah. You know you love your asbestos. I put a little shard in the bin yesterday. I think it was thrown over from the neighbours and I chucked it into the bin. Were they just throwing asbestos in?

I don't know. I found a little panel of what looked like hardy plank, which is not in our house. Right. Yucky. Dealt with that myself. Some text messages. Sorry, some feedback on this.

Jeremy said, Mum should be because men are mature, slower and pass earlier. So he's just saying, so Mum doesn't have to live without Dad for as long, she should marry younger. You want to align up. Yeah. This is true that women do often get left behind.

Oh, a long time, don't they? Yeah. Hayley says, Dad's 10 years older than Mum. Oh, yeah. Aaron's eight years older than me. Yeah. Too bad these days. Hot act.

You know what I mean? Snagged an old guy. You know why, eh? Hayley says, Sophie, men take longer to mature. So generally speaking, women are younger. They seek older men who are actually mentally closer to their age. Right. But then they get less. Shots are being fired. Are you hearing this?

Yeah, I am. Shots are. I mean, but it's true, isn't it? It is true. Yeah, it is true. We're just men. You're just silly men. Caitlin says, my mum's older than my dad. I'm older than my partner and my sister is older than her partner. Just a bunch of cougars over here. Dramatic. Yeah.

Good. Get it. Get it. A bunch of cougars. Get it. My mum is four years older than my dad. It's always been an anomaly when you tell people that your mum's older than your dad. They're always surprised, but never around the other way.

Yeah, why is Rebecca? Yeah. Helen says my dad was 20 years older than my mum. Okay. The question is, when did they meet? My mum was 36 and my dad was 19. Says Kristen. It's legal.

It's legal. Oh, absolutely. Dad loved a cougar. Sheepers? And a creepers. That's got university lecturer written all over it. Yeah, it does. It does. It's got uni, first year out of uni.

Or tradie. Tradie sleeping with... Oh, that's hot. Apprentice tradie sleeping with the boss's wife who does the accounts. Have you been looking at my web browser? Of course, mate. Yep. Yep.

That's some... Oh, look. Some stuff says university. Sleeping with... Oh, that's hot. Apprentice tradie sleeping with the boss's wife who does the accounts. Have you been looking at my web browser? Of course, mate.

Yep. Yep, that's some... Oh, look, some stuff's universally hot. That's Silly Little Pole. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This is... I think this was aimed at young... Well, couples with young kids.

Right. Like babies and whatnot. And this woman shared online, her name is Rachel, she was saying like they'd go, they'd put their kid to bed and then they'd kind of have this like three hours of just like nothing. No connection, nothing productive. You're tired. Yeah, and

just sort of like it just rolled into this malaise and go to bed. That would just be a lot of couples, wouldn't they? At the end everybody comes home from work and then they have dinner and then they're just like, ugh. Kids to bed and then you're like, God, I don't know. Even without kids, you'd just be like shattered from a long day. Absolutely.

So they kind of constructed a bit of structure, shall we say, around their evening times to make the most of it. It's called the three-hour night. Okay. And it begins once the kid's in bed. They've got one kid. So, you know, if you've got more kids, it's probably more difficult. If you've got older kids,

they go to bed later. You probably don't have three hours remaining. I go to bed before my kids now. Yeah. See you later. I'm school, because it's school holidays at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, totally. So she would say, say it started at seven o'clock. You divvy up seven till 10. So they're like, kids that bed at seven, they're going to bed at 10. Yep.

You divvy up the three hours into hour long sections so she would say the first section is where you would do something it's called productive time so you're going to do your chores you're going to do a bit of a whip around

get lunches ready for tomorrow organise the bedroom that kind of thing or other random things like sharpen the knives. God, we sharpen our knives. Sharpen the knives. They're so sharp. Cut a tomato.

Did you get one of those? A whetstone? No, we don't have a whetstone. Did you get one of those things from the infomercial? It's like this. Yeah. It's like an X thing and you run your knife through it. It works.

Yeah, okay. Enough. I think I need one of those. Yeah, it's quite good. I can bring mine in and you can sharpen your knives. Actually, think about the environment. There's no need, us both having knife sharpeners. Okay, quite good. I can bring mine in and you can sharpen your knives. Actually, think about the environment. There's no need us both having knife sharpeners. Okay.

Thank you. I'll bring mine in and you can use it. You could have a communal knife sharpener. Mine is sharp. Well, it's not communal. I said Fletch could use it. Whoa. Yeah, because he's got too many knives.

Too many. You're going to blunt my sharpener. And then what use is it to me? I've got a whetstone. But that's all about the angle and the rhythm. Yeah, right. That's like something a granddad does. Yeah, that's too much the angle and the rhythm. Yeah, right. That's like something a granddad does. Yeah, that's too much.

It's too involved. It's too much. With this, you just go, and then you can start cooking dinner. So they're sharpening their knives in the first hour, right? They're doing productive things, household productive chores. Right, so maybe a bit of that, whatever it is. Okay. Yeah, now the second hour, this is where it's-

I'm sorry, but that's a whole episode of a show. Just saying. Okay, yeah, well, that's coming. So the second hour is geared towards each other, re-establishing a physical or emotional... That's getting down. Yeah. This is where you...

It's bang o'clock. You go to grab the butt and she's like, no. And you're like, come on, this is what this hour's for. Yeah, I'm not in the mood. I have a headache. It's not sexy to schedule that. Well, no, it's a cuddle. It's not sexy to schedule that. It's not only that. Phones go away and they focus on enjoying one

another. However they want to do that. Could be having a shower together, having a little fun, bit of a cuddle on the couch, playing a game together, talking, debriefing the day, just whatever it looks like. Whatever it looks like for that couple. You're going to connect, strengthen and build your marriage.

Okay. Okay. That sounds a bit Christian, eh? It's giving, I'm going to say it. It's giving Christian. Yeah, okay. Lastly, the final hour of the night is, it's like a bit of me time. It's solo.

So you can do anything that you want to do individually, and I can do anything that I want to do individually. We're allowed to do it together as long as we both want to. Okay. And it's a judgment free time. Could I go paraponting or do I have to stay at home? You can do paraponting. You can do whatever you want. It's your hour. I don't know if I'd want to parapon so close to bed. 9pm to 10pm. You'll be all jazzed up. You'll struggle

to get to sleep because your adrenaline's from the paraponting. It's too much. So it's judgment free meaning that if you wanted to use your hour to just lay on the couch, scroll your phone on TikTok or whatever, or watch a movie or TV, you're allowed to do that.

Okay. Now, if Vaughn wanted to do an hour of his TikTok lives, which he got into last year. Yeah, but I told you guys, I'm off TikTok lives. What about, could you get back into your farming simulator? Are you over that?

Oh, I've got video games that need to be played. Okay. So you could do that and Sade couldn't look at you and be like, you steaming pile of useless waste. Because that's my hour.

Yeah, because that's your hour. To be honest, I'm going to get to that end of that hour. I'm not going to have achieved enough. I'm going to need another hour. Well, you can have another hour.

You're just going to be late. And it's nine o'clock and I'm playing video games and I should definitely be in bed. Yeah. Well, she was saying because a lot of people were commenting, being like, is this really realistic?

She's like, you don't have to do it every night, but, you know, like a couple of times a week if you implement the three-hour night. Mine looks slightly different. Mine's like TV time in the first hour, TV time with wine in the second hour, and then just wine on wine in the third hour and then sort of

wake up early. And then you've got to have a wine at nine. And then because of the wine there's a fourth and fifth hour. There's a fourth and fifth hour. And then you come to work the next day and you're like

oh I didn't get to bed till 11. Now it's midnight and I'm like oh God. But however you want to implement it there you go if you need a little structure

in your evening. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's 19. I laughed too hard and I've got light headed We've just come up with A really good podcast idea

Which we can't mention Oh we can't mention it But God you'd want to listen to it If you do If you do have a podcast idea We are running the chance For you to join The ZM Podcast Network

Beautiful You don't think Through the Glory Hole Is going to take off Now Go to ZM online If you'd like to register It was going to be called

A peep through the glory hole But then we Carwin's shaking her head guys She doesn't want this She doesn't want this on either Okay Let's go to producer Shannon Who's lucky to be here

With us today She's got car troubles again That sounded such a weird way Let's go to our producer I tell you what She's bloody lucky to be here I got fired today She's bloody lucky to be here. I got fired today. She's lucky to have a job.

What happened with your car last time? Remind us. It's been flooded, hasn't it? Yeah, there's had about a lot of water in it. About 50 litres. But then I had a bunch of lights going on. But I got the lights turned off. But that was because of the flooding. What did you call the lights on the dashboard? I initially called them emojis.

The car emojis. called them emojis. The car emojis. The dashboard emojis. So I had some lights and then there was some oil on the ground. But it was going good the last month or so. Yeah. No dramas. That's good.

My woof was due. Wait, and you sorted the oil thing, eh? Yes, yes, yes. But there was nothing wrong with it? It needed some. It needed a little fix in. Huh? A what? He gave it like an oil change and he needed to like.

No. I don't know what that noise is. Are you not listening? Okay. It's the girl math and mechanics. It's just like explaining the noise. Give a bit of a. Yeah.

But anyway, so she's been running real good. My wafer's due. Normally, I'll leave it a bit. Like, I feel like you've got a month buffer after your waffs well you don't know tomorrow you your insurance is not valid without a warrant of fitness or registration when i thought like that previously i was always driving to work illegally because i didn't have my phone so i was never insured. Yeah, it doesn't matter,

does it? It didn't really matter. But now I've got my full licence, I was like, I'm going to get my WAF early. Can I just pause? Did Fletch give you $100? Yes.

He transferred it straight away. I'm a man of my word. Fletch said he would give Shannon $100 if she went and got her full licence because she'd taken so long to do it. And I didn't honestly

ever think she would do it. And then she turned up with a little bit of paper and he was... It was an incredible incentive because it really got you to do it,

didn't it? You said it and I booked it that day in the nearest time I could get it. I honestly thought she was so useless she would never...

It was very motivating. And then I couldn't not give her money otherwise I'd never hear the end of it. It was the week. And then I couldn't not give her money. Otherwise, I'd never hear the end of it. No, I know. It was the week before Christmas, and it was good. Yeah, it was good.

It was good timing. But yeah, so I got my waft early. I did charity. Yeah, kind of. Let's not call lovely Shannon a charity case. Oh, no, I'll take it. Okay, well, she'll take it. We'll take any charity.

Okay, so you got your full licence. You were able to be insured, but your car was going okay. Yes, and so I was like, I'll get the wharf early. How good. Proud of myself. Took it to the mechanic. Dropped it there. I was like, this is going to be a breeze.

No lights on. No nothing's wrong with it for the first time in years. Except it is a used European car. Yes. Here we go. Dot, dot, dot. He calls me not even 20 minutes later and he's like, how have you been driving this? He's like, I drove it 20 meters and immediately pulled over

and got someone to come get me. He's like, you have no wheel bearing. It is the loudest noise ever. He's like, it is a whirring. He's like, you could have caused a major crash, totaled your car, totaled someone else's. He's like, this is one of the most severe things I've ever seen. How did you not notice?

How far do you drive to work every day? Oh, heaps. I go round, I go to the mall, I go everywhere. Oh my gosh. And he just kept saying, how did you not notice? And I said, well, I like music in the car. I listen to the radio. And he said.

Did he say ZM? Yeah, of course. Thank you. Because I'm listening to ZM laugh and I'm laughing out loud. I was laughing out so loud. Drowning out the grinding of the metal. You did tell us last week you had a noise.

Well, there's always a noise because it's a diesel car. So I always just... Why is it a diesel as well? It's a small car. It's so bizarre to me. It's a turbo as well. Oh my god. That's just because it's a diesel. Because everyone always comments on it.

Anytime I drive somewhere, everyone's like, Jesus, your car is loud. And I'm like, yeah, because it's a little tractor. Oh, my God. So it's because it's been broken. Turns out, yeah, it's super, super broken. And he said, because then I was like, can I come get it? Because he's like, I'm going to have to get all these parts. He's like, no, Hon, this is completely undriveable. Okay. And he's like, I'm going to have to get all these parts. He's like, no, hon, this is completely undriveable.

Okay. And he's like, I'm going to have to keep this. So I was stuck in East Auckland all weekend, no car. So he's like, he breathed all yellow stuff in. Do you know what I mean? It's the worst. It's the worst cardinal direction. Yeah.

And the Skytower looks real small there. I get scared. It's bizarre. I know. And my mum had to wake up at 4am to get me to work this morning. Oh, no, hon. I've got someone taking me back home. And I'm just hoping this mechanic fixes it. Also, is this going to cost a lot of money? I don't got morning. Oh, no. I've got someone taking me back home and I'm just hoping this mechanic fixes it.

Also, is this going to cost a lot of money? I don't got it. I just Googled wheel bearing. But you've got insurance, right? Insurance wouldn't cover this. Yeah. It might cover something else. You don't know.

Oh. No, no. It's too late now. Jesus. Did you just jump in the deep end of the insurance for a point? Yeah, yeah. She's just talked about this and then she's going to ring it. Hi, my car's just

Let's pad up Shannon and we'll get her to drive into a tree. I don't think she could do that. Well pad her up. He also said I need two new tyres. Now I've never bought tyres before. Oh my god. You are probably better just to buy a new car. Like a second hand, a nice

get a little aqua. I don't got no money. A little sensible car. Hon to buy a new car. Like a secondhand, a nice, get a little aqua. I don't got no money. A little sensible car. Yeah, but Hon, you need a car. Well, I was just thinking of asking him if he wanted beers again because last time I did. That's right. This feels like more than a dozen beers.

Beers and boobs, mate. That's the mechanics currency right there. Beers and boobs. Yeah, we might have to get the pins out, Hon. Get the pins out. Not above that at all. No, I know she's not. Okay, we've had some feedback online on one of our videos

about the way that we say a certain word. Now, why were we talking about massages? We were talking about massage because Shannon is trying We were talking about smut That's right So it's me, it's a review in the way that I say it Oh my gosh, well I never

I said the word massage because the character in my book was giving the male character a massage How are you supposed to say it? Massage, because the character in my book was giving the male character a massage. That's right. How are you supposed to say it? Massage. Massage.

Massage. Message. Massage. Massage. Massage. Is it because they say massage? Well, we learned earlier that Shannon says massage, but massage or massage? Oh, no.

Now I'm getting on my own head about it. When you say a word over and over again, and it sounds so weird. Over and over. So these comments were from American viewers on TikTok? I think so, because one person said, wait, I never heard massage said like message. You know, I think it's the thinking, like I'm saying massage, massage.

Massage. I'll send you a message. Not a native English speaker but I love it. Another person said the way New Zealanders say massage haha yep. Laugh face. Why does the New Zealand accent make it funny? Do you know when I went to drama school I got told by

one of the acting coaches there that I talk too much like a private school girl and I need to loosen up. But you were a private school girl. I know that's what I said to them. So would you say things like, what a precious moment? No, not at all. I think that I do just talk with a lot of clarity and that... How about that?

Clarity. Clarity. And that that was almost too much. My enunciation is near perfect. Near perfect. And so I remember I had it in my head that I was like And now I say massage, funny Okay, turn up mine

I got, this is on Google This is American pronunciation How to say massage Massage Massage Massage So they say massage, not massage So they're hitting sarge and not the mass

Hold on, I'll go to British pronunciation Massage Massage pronunciation. Massage. Massage. Massage. Massage. That sounds posh. So we are staying at more British. British.

Turn your volume up. Come on, Dad. Massage. Massage. Massage. That's American. So that's the American. That's American, yeah.

She's British. Massage. Massage. Massage. Well, because we do have quite a big American following. Massage. But yeah, then it's our accent makes it Massage I love it when you slow it down

What's the word if you slow it down That's going around on TikTok at the moment Oh no that's dumb I've just opened up a can of worms I can't eat It's like I don't know if that's not the same And when it slows it down The the woman's voice goes all funny. Oh, damn it.

I also just coined a phrase. God, I've opened up a can of worms I can't eat. Anyway, I'm going to work on my pronunciation for the next time. No, no, this is our English though, isn't it? Somebody has messaged in, their biggest problem with the show is when we say hon. It's hon. Honey is pronounced honey, so it's hon.

No, no, no, but hon is the passive-aggressive version of hum. Yeah. Okay, hon. It's disapproving you're looking down on someone when you say hon. Yeah. Oh, hon. Lots of people say that to me. Why are you saying hon like that?

I just started saying it because you guys said it, and I want to be part of the cool kids club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not really a term of endearment. No. As if you were to call someone hun. What a little hun, you'd say. Yeah, yeah.

But if you're like, oh, well done, hun. It's a little bit. Yeah, it's bloody hell, it's patronising, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Hun. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Remember when your brother had a United,

used your United Video membership? No, it was Blockbuster. Blockbuster. It was Blockbuster. Did you have a Blockbuster in New Plymouth? Of course we did. You're a fancy. We had United, Civic and Video Easy.

It's one of the greatest cities in New Zealand. Of course we had a Blockbuster. We used to laugh at you and now I absolutely agree and I'd be quite happy if the three of us all moved there. Yeah, it's a lovely place. Lived in a communal home. Well, what did you get? Did you get called by Baycourt once?

Yeah, he had an overdue. And then they rang me saying, are you going to pay this? And I said, you what? Haven't lived in New Plymouth for years. And he'd used my card and racked up a late. What did he get out? Wet T-shirt. got very different tastes. 1998.

Yeah, monster. I actually can't remember. It was a new release. Probably like an action film or something. Yeah, you know the new releases, they stung you with the same fine the overnight. It's ongoing. Like it was $8 or $9.

Well, because you get it for one night, so you're just paying each night. $7. Blockbuster's charging $9. $7 overnight. You it for one night, so you're just paying each night. $7. Blockbuster's charging $9. $7 overnight. You had to have it back the same time you took it out. And I just rang him or text him and just let him bloody absolutely have it. And then I think I shut it down so he couldn't do it again.

Shut it down. Very cheeky. Very cheeky. Well, that's nothing. A Dunedin man has collected a raft of charges because he's been caught now, but his brother was in trouble for including, but not limited to, drink driving. Okay. How?

This 30-year-old would just be like, oh, yeah, I'm Stephen, but not. Stephen was his brother. No. Okay, that's a big jump from just telling mum that Stephen ate the biscuits when you ate the biscuits. I know. And so if they don't have your licence,

if you don't have your license on you, of course, that's a ticket. That's a fine in itself, but they can look it up and if you look similar to the photos

and your brothers, you know, you're not going to chance someone looking any more similar than you and your siblings. Then they can look and be like,

oh yeah, that's them. That's what they look like. That's the person in the car up there. I suppose so. Yeah, so he was,

he got his brother in a whole lot of trouble, but now the brother's just like, he, the shaggy defense I suppose so. Yeah, so he was, he got his brother in a whole lot of trouble, but now the brother's just like, the shaggy defence, it wasn't me, and it wasn't. Did the brothers get on? Because if you get on with your brother, you wouldn't do that to them, right? No, they must not. They must not. Yeah, okay, yeah. I was just going to say, well, one brother's just the total loser. But then, of course, the other brother would be not getting on with him very well now. Yeah.

Yeah, because he gave me a criminal record. After he got into all this trouble. Yeah, exactly. It's been rectified. But we want to know when your siblings dropped you in it this morning. Yeah, well. Maybe on a lesser scale. Yeah.

Or maybe on a bigger scale. Who knows? Maybe they ticked up some dead in your name. Yeah. Or got you in trouble with mum and dad. I think he said ticked up some dead. Some dead. Like they ticked up some dead in your name or got you in trouble with mum and dad. I think he said ticked up some dead. Some dead. Like they ticked up

a few dead people in your name. You're like, what, like a murderer? I mean, Gareth Bin Laden, for example. He was out there

just minding his own business, wasn't he? Yeah, he was. And then Osama's like, my name's Gareth, I'm not going to do the accent. My name's Gareth. Dude, you should do the accent.

Oh, Gareth Bin Laden or Osama Bin Laden? Because Gareth's really toned his down. Has he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poor Gareth. Good guy. Great guy, Gareth Bin Laden? Or Osama bin Laden? Because Gareth really toned his down. Has he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Gareth, good guy. Great guy, Gareth bin Laden.

A pure soul. Yeah. Great guy. His brother, hell yeah. Hell of a ping pong player. Yeah, I know. Really, Gareth? Oh, yeah.

I was just way around a racket. Yeah, good, okay. That's where he put his focuses. Has he got into pickleball? Has he got into the pickleball race? He has got into pickleball. Oh, I want to try pickleball. We should do pickleball.

It's embarrassing. I could do a bit of pickleball. It's not want to try pickleball. We should do pickleball. It's embarrassing. I could do a bit of pickleball. It's not embarrassing. It's somewhat embarrassing. No, it's just play padded tennis. The original pickleball. Or play actual tennis. Or play actual tennis.

Or just play padded tennis. Or swing ball bats. 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. When did your sibling get you in trouble? Well, you know mine didn't because he loved me very deeply and we were very close. Yeah. We kiss on the mouth and you find that funny. We do find that a little odd. It's a little odd. Although Gareth were very close. Yeah. We kiss on the mouth and you find that funny. We do find that a little odd.

It's a little odd. Although Gareth Bin Laden and Anna Osama did also kiss on the mouth. They were close as brothers despite their differences. But it worked because Gareth didn't have the beard. Yes, he was clean shaven. Yeah, he was a clean shaven boy. Well, a man in Dunedin was pulled over, DUI, gave his brother's name. And now his brother's in trouble.

Yeah. But now he's in trouble for giving his brother's name. So he brother's in trouble. Yeah. But now he's in trouble for giving his brother's name. So he's got another thing to deal with. Yeah. Would that be impersonating something?

Impersonating a brother. Impersonating a brother? Yeah. Right up there with him. Sentence up to 20 years. Impersonating a policeman. Yes. Yeah, impersonating a brother.

So we want to know when a sibling dropped you in it. Yeah. My brother knocked on me to my partner when I cheated on him. I was f it. Yeah. My brother knocked on me to my partner when I cheated on him. I was fuming.

As I was saying, my brother went and told the bloody police that I lit the fire. Wait, so conflicting though. Like, I love my sister-in-law, my brother's partner. And if I knew that my brother had cheated on, no, I wouldn't.

I'm loyal to my brother. Blood is thicker than whatever she is. Water? Don't call Nina water. She's a lovely woman. Nina's more of a milk. Blood is still thicker than milk, Nina. That's scandalous. You're in a

predicament there. The moral high ground isn't fun. Blind eye. Turn a blind eye. Yeah. Adam, Adam, this happened to you. Your brother got pulled over. Yeah, he had, he'd lost his licence for a few things.

A few things, good Lord. Yeah, and he was driving out to get a haircut and a cop pulled him over and he gave him my name and details and all the rest of it. And the cop goes, oh yep, no worries, I'll go check that out. So he

rings me and he goes, if the police ring, I'm you and you're me. Oh, you don't want to receive that phone call. Yeah, with no contact. Yeah, exactly. And so the cop comes back up to the car window a few minutes later. Yeah, with no contact. Yeah, exactly. And so the cop comes back up to the car window a few minutes later and goes, oh, no, that all checks out.

That's all good. And then he pulls out his little iPad and he goes, can you tell me who this guy is, though? And it was his mugshot from a few years earlier. Oh, my. Yes. God, I like a sense of humor on a cop. Do you think the police computer shows, like, when they look up you,

they're like, but his brother's a ratbag. Do you reckon they should? Because the police computer, I reckon, has got a lot of stuff in it that we don't know about. Do you reckon? Yeah, I don't know. They must do. And so what did he get in trouble for?

Well, the cop goes, how about you tell me who you really are? And I don't actually think he got anything for it. The cop sort of had a lot. It was actually, my brother was a bit of a rat bag at the time, and he'd been pulled over by the same cop, probably six or seven common. What? Adam! Amazing.

Look, we love our family, though, don't we? You know, we just, you've got to love them. Yeah, even if they are ratbags. Adam, thank you. Keep your texts coming in, 9696. We'll get to more of your calls and texts next. We're talking about when your sibling dropped you in it because someone pretended to be their brother

when they were getting DUI'd. Like that's dropping your brother in it. It really is. Amber, what did your brother do? Hi I have two brothers And it was New Years And on a tie you obviously can't

Drink when you walk in the streets And my little brother Was 16 or 17 so under 8 And he got caught so he already knew He was going to be in trouble for drinking. Yeah. And I was like, well, you know, I'm going to get in trouble for being under age.

So he gave my older brother's birthday. And my older brother had a, like, shaved head in his photo. So the cops just kind of were like, oh, whatever, it must be the same. Yeah. However, later that night, my older brother got in a fight in Whangamata and got arrested. Look at ourselves, a family of ratbags. Emma, are you a ratbag? And was the cop just like...

No, I'm the good one. Right, was the cop like, wait, we already arrested you? Yeah, and then my brother was even firing up more and he was like, you're lying. Like, I haven't been. And then later the next day it all came out and he was like oh my god they were actually telling the truth

and I was racking up even more oh my god how were your parents when they found out that both of your brothers were in trouble um

they were kind of like it was just like little stuff but my little brother did have to pay the fine himself so um

but yeah I think they were just like let's not go back to Whangamata. One and done, I reckon. And have they been in trouble since? No. They've cleaned up their ways.

It was a learning. Amber, thank you. Messages in. At 15, I borrowed my sister's passport to go to town. Small town. People knew I wasn't 18. Someone ratted me and the police showed up to the clubs and confiscated my passport. Her passport. Her passport, yeah.

I had to go to the cop shop with mum. Luckily, they gave the passport back. I got a stern telling off, but my sister has no idea about this to this day. Oh, even mum kept it from her. Jesus. Mum kept it. Mum. My oldest brother was moving to Perth for a job.

Thank God. Sounds like one of your older brothers. We love our families. Speeding down the motorway, the cop pulled him over. He was short on demerits and if he got fined, he would have lost his licence and then he would have been able to move to Perth because of a criminal charge. Yeah. So my other brother switched seats with him while the car was still in motion.

Oh. What? They must see that. Unless they had louvers from the 80s. Oh, you love louvers on the back of a Ford Falcon. I was a little bit window yesterday. Let's bring back louvers.

So good. I saw a bit of louvers at the QMU car show. Yes. Is that what was happening? The old Holden Commodores. Oh, we were driving around in all those

vintage cars. And I was like, oh gosh. Beautiful. So my brother switched seats with him while driving and took the fine for him.

Let's just say we all really wanted my brother to get out of the country. Wow. Even enough to get some demerit points in a fine. Got pulled over for speeding on the way to work one morning. Ended up getting arrested on the spot for an outstanding warrant

from three years before for shoplifting in a city that I hadn't been to in 10 years. Rung my little sister who swore black and blue it wasn't her. I get to the station to face my charges and her face is smiling back at me in the mug shot. Oh, my God. That is wild. She had given my information

when she got arrested for shoplifting and then skipped out. Oh my God, that's incredible. Yeah. That is... How do you bring that up at Christmas? Like, hey, I went to the cops. I got big trouble.

I want to know what happened with the sister. She would have ended up getting in trouble. No, so I actually committed a crime because I ended up signing a document saying I had no idea who she was. Oh, okay. So she- I would have 100% thrown that little sister

straight under the bus. Oh, so you've committed the crime saying I don't know who that is. Yeah. Protecting your sister. Yeah. Which is dumb because surely they've got her fingerprints too, right?

Yeah. She's got a wristband and they've got a mugshot. When I was four and a lot more cunning than my family gave me credit for, my sister who was seven told me she would punch my lights out. Punch my lights out. Knowing it would get her in trouble, I innocently went to mum and said,

Mum, do we have Christmas lights or fairy lights in our body? Mum looked so confused and she said, no, of course not. Why do you ask? And she said, well, I'm just wondering how Tess is going to punch my lights out if I don't have lights in my body. That's knocking. I 100% knew exactly what I was doing. I'm 25 today and no one knows that I did that on purpose except for me and now you.

Play ZM's Fletch for the Daily. Play ZM. I did that on purpose except for me and now you. My dad decided on a whim that he wanted to go to the Foo Fighters. And I saw them like back in 2005. It was my first date with my first boyfriend. We had our first kiss. Wow. At the Foo Fighters? After Foo Fighters, yeah. Wow.

Yeah, pretty romantic. That didn't last, so did it. Well, it lasted quite a while. Okay. It, pretty romantic. That didn't last, though, did it? Well, it lasted quite a while. Okay. For teenagers, we did quite well. What Foo Fighters song did you smooch-a-roo to? No, we didn't smooch. It was after the concert.

We went back to Karori at my friend's house and pashed in the driveway. Pashed in the driveway. Everyone's had a driveway pash. Yeah, had a little pash in the driveway. You had a little pash in the driveway? You had a little pash in the driveway? Yeah, you could have a little pash in the driveway when someone's leaving. Everyone's pashed in the driveway. Pash'd in the driveway. Everyone's had a driveway, Pash. Yeah, a little Pash in the driveway. A little Pash in the driveway. A little Pash in the driveway. Yeah, you could have a little Pash in the driveway

when someone's leaving. Yeah, everyone's had a little Pash in the driveway. Oh, that was cute, man. Good times. Anyway, so my dad texted me on Monday and was like, should we go? And I was like, yeah, let's go. So we drove up and we got tickets.

We got amazing tickets. Well done, Patsy. And it was a great show. It was amazing. Yeah, and Jack Black popped up. Jack Black just came out. At one point, Dave Grohl was like, oh, we can't end a rock concert.

We can't be in a rock concert without playing some ACDC. And everyone was like, wow. And he said, but I'm not going to sing it. And then Jack Black just like tumbles out and sings that we've got big balls. He sang the balls song. Anyway, it was so good Great crowd and everything

Anyway I My dad made a comment About the line to the toilets For the women Always bad for women At malls Concerts

Anything Anything Mount Smart Patakule Yeah Patakule And we looked at it And I was like Jeepers creepers

Didn't need to wee And then a song came on That you know You always gotta wait for a song That you don't love Patakule. Yeah, Patakule. And we looked at it and I was like, jeepers creepers, didn't need to wait. And then a song came on that, you know, you always got to wait for a song that you don't love. And I looked at the... It's always when a band has a new song and you're like, we're not here for this. Yeah. We're here for those songs from like 20 years ago. Yeah, come on. Just play those ones.

And so I made my move to go to the toilet. I was like, I had the set list, which is a bit of a spoiler, but I had the set list on Spotify for their tour. And I looked and I was like, there's a good few songs here that I would happily wee through. So I went and said, this is my time. And the line was huge. And I kept looking, you know how it's like goes round and round and you can see toilets sort of scattered throughout.

All of them were huge for the women. And I was like, well, I just have to do this. I just have to sit in the line and lump it. And then I'm sort of like moving forward person by person doing my time in the line. When a woman came up to me and said, oh my god,

Hayley Sproul. Now I did the thing where I tried to look like, yes, that's right, my old friend. And she could see that in my eyes and said, no, you don't know me, I just love, I I tried to look like, yes, that's right, my old friend. And she could see that in my eyes and said, no, you don't know me. I just love listening to ZM. Oh, that's fantastic. This is fantastic.

Yeah, lovely woman, beautiful spirit, starts chatting to me. Yeah. And then as the line is still sort of moving forward, she's still sort of with me. Oh, yeah. In the line. And I made a comment like, haven't you just jumped the line? And she goes, oh.

How many people are behind? Are they noticing her doing this? 100%. Oh, no. Right, okay. 100%. There would have been at least like 20 people behind me. Oh, wow, okay. For this line, in which there's like,

when I went in there, there was only like six toilets. So the line's not moving that fast. Anyway, so this listener of ours, and we have high expectations of our listeners and their behaviours, you know, we're all representing ZM. This sly little woman, absolutely. Do we need to do our first 2024 listener expulsion? No, I'm not going to expel her.

We don't expel anybody. No, no, no. I'm here for to expel her. We don't expel anybody. I'm here for quality over quantity. I've said that before. I'm going to get the expel bell. No, we're not. I don't know if we're in a position of expelling listeners. I didn't get her name.

She was very complimentary about the show, but I can't help but feel I was played. Yes. I cannot feel. I can't help but feel she played me like a harp. And then we both got to the entrance of the toilet. We're side by side. Wait, so she's still there?

She's still there. You know what? I'm on her side. This is a great play for her. She saw an opportunity and she took it. As one person left a cubicle open, another one did. So now there's two toilets available and we just both go into them. And I was like, I've been played like a fiddle.

I love that. Do you think she even listened to the show? Oh, my God. Do you think she just saw me on a billboard? She may have been faux complimenting. Oh, my God. She went on a quick Google. She probably listens to bloody More FM or something.

Expelled! Oh, my God. She could have been lying. Yeah. She could have been lying. She said she was a huge fan of the show and that the show was great. Did she say anything that happened on the show that she enjoyed? She had no reference material.

Oh no. You got played. You got absolutely played. She didn't say, I really like that thing, girl math that you did. Nope, she didn't even bring up girl math. Of course she would bring up girl math if you saw me. She didn't even bring him up. she doesn't even know that I like him Because she doesn't listen to our show

You got absolutely played And then she went in front of you I did the hard mahi, sitting in that line Crawling forward and then she just hopped a ride And also now everybody behind you in the line Is like, that That be Haley Sproul She lets people push in

I don't, I don't. I was just receiving compliments. And for that reason, we have our first 2024 listener expulsion. No, we're not. We don't expel people from the show. We don't do that. Expel from the show. We've already worked out she doesn't listen to the show.

Damn it! We're going to enroll her. Yeah. And then expel her from the show. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. We're going to enrol her. Yeah, and then expel her from the show. Jennifer Coolidge is in the country, guys. Jennifer Coolidge is here. Now, she is here for Minecraft. That's why Jack Black was here and popped up with the Foo Fighters.

Yep. Lots of sleeves on the way. I think there's like one or two others. There's like some guy, some like big guy was coming as well I'm just being very cool and calm about it but Jennifer Coolidge has just she's just living a moment

she just won again didn't she last week for White Lotus and she's in New Zealand for Minecraft and we just desperately want to meet her. I just want to see her. I want to sniff her perfume. You know what I mean?

I think she would smell very nice. I think she would smell expensive. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And it would be some kind of wafty, heady perfume. Yeah. Anyway. It sounds a little creepy.

It's getting full on. It's getting full on. It's getting a bit much. And now, on Saturday night, Shannon received a message from a friend. And it said, Jennifer Coolidge just walked into the bar

that your friend hosts in the CBD. I was in the CBD on Saturday night. This is a missed opportunity. That stands for Central Business District. Thank you, Bourne. Thank you so much.

And then a friend replies in this chat, oh my God, what bar? And then it's Sunset Bar, which is in Wellington. Sorry, which is in Auckland and said grabbing dinner up there. Now that's a rooftop bar. Have we been to this bar? Have I been to this bar? I haven't been to Sunset Bar, but I've

looked at the menu. I'm trying to figure out what she ate. What do you think she would have had? The menu is inspired by Mumbai street eats, reinterpreted with global flavours and seasonal ingredients. It says that it's on the top of the Sudima. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that down here? No, over there.

Over here. It's behind our gym. Yeah. So here. Over there. It's behind our gym. Yeah. So close. Yeah. So I... Oh, yeah. I drive past it, don't I? Yeah. On the way to work.

Now, it's a small tasting menu. They've got some spiced lamb sliders. Yum. Some grilled halloumi tikka with pomegranate glaze. She would have had all of that. She would have had a masala waffle fry. She could have had a loaded flatbread with eggplant chutney. I think she would have had a porn star martini from the cocktail list.

I'm looking. Oh, my God. I love a porn star martini. That screams Jennifer Coolidge. Now, if she's just wondering about going out. These cocktails aren't cheap. It's Jennifer Coolidge. She doesn't care.

$23 for the porn star martini. That's the cheapest one I've got. Jason Momoa, Jason Momoa, Jason Momoa. I'm after a dirty $17 cocktail. We just got a text saying, Hayley, say Jason Momoa. I'm after a dirty $17 cocktail. We just got a text saying Hayley, say Jason Momoa one more time.

My fiance has to do 10 push-ups every time he hears his name. Wait, you are so obsessive you've become almost like a drinking game.

I'm a drinking game. You've become a joke. Jason Momoa, gonna go to the movies today to watch Jason Momoa. Anyway. That's 20 push-ups.

Just making your boyfriend all buff. Yeah, you're welcome. Now, so she's just out and about, just going to be enjoying the Auckland nightlife. Why do I enjoy Auckland nightlife? Do you know what sucks? And screw our friends for doing this.

We're off. We're spending the next two weekends away. So this is taking over your stalking time. We should pull out of the weddings and just like walk around Auckland City during the weekends and just go to the cool places. We're cool.

We'll get into cool places. Thank you. He's very mad that you just did that. Plus, it's our wedding in a week. So shout out to us, Katie and Seamus. A lot of people getting married. Yeah, well, it's wedding season. Wedding season.

Well, we're not going to these weddings anymore. Well, we're playing hard for wedding season. I found this on the web. Did you? What'd you find, Siri, a clever girl? She's always interrupting. Now, anyway, any sightings, I think we should do a bit of a Coolidge watch.

Not in a creepy way. Like put pins in a map. Like have an Auckland map and put a pin in one. We can get three different pins. We can get Mama coloured pins, Jack Black coloured pins, because I'd love to meet Jack Black. Do you know someone text us anonymously? No. No, I'm not going to say Black. Do you know someone text us anonymously? No. No, I'm not going to say it.

Okay. That they know where they're filming today. I'm not going. So it's started already. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I know, crazy, eh?

Good to see you. Anyway, any sightings, any celebrity sightings, text us, 9696. It's on Coolidge Watch. You're just sounding a little bit creepy. I don't mean to. You just want to be in the same room. I just want to be near greatness. Yeah.

Like I am every day with Fletch and Vaughn. Thank you. Fact of the day is next. Do we have a theme this week? Mushrooms. I'll tell you why we're going to do mushrooms. Here we go. And then how I made work for myself.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's, this week's fact of the day theme is mushrooms. Yes. Amazing. Amazing. I love mushrooms. Some people are like, I don't like them.

When vegetarians don't eat mushrooms? Yeah, that's weird. That's like your meat. Yeah. For a video, right? What do you eat if you don't eat meat and mushrooms? That's when you meet a vegetarian and they're like, oh, I don't eat mushrooms and I don't eat onions

and I don't eat tomatoes. You're like, well, how are you eating a pizza? So, Karen, when you were a vegetarian. No, no, no. I love mushrooms. Oh, good, good, good. I know you're shaking your head like you were an ingredient. No, I was shaking my head like, how do you not like mushrooms?

Yeah. Yeah. They're the best. They're the best. And I don't always wash them. I don't mind a bit of dirt in mine. I don't wash them. It adds a bit of flavour.

Yeah, totally. But I love the grip. Minerals is minerals. And then it gets in your teeth. You're like, yeah. Yeah. So how we got onto this was Fletch said, oh my God, here's an amazing mushroom fact. Did you know magic mushrooms arrived on the asteroid

that killed the dinosaurs? That sounds like the percentage of somebody who is on magic mushrooms, to be totally honest. Yeah, look, I'll be honest, Vaughn. I didn't click the link. I copy and pasted it, as we do, for a million stories every week. Yeah.

And there was no research or checking of dates. Right. There was. Because we love it when Fletch proposes something and it's from 2009. Yeah. He's like, guys, breaking news. Look, people don't know the dates. We live in a world where facts don't matter anymore.

They do. They need to. They don't. Listeners, you can trust us. So it wasn't that they arrived on the asteroid. Okay. They believe that mushrooms, which have been around for a very long time,

and are neither plant nor animal. They're a fungi. They're their own, from the fungus kingdom, which is one of the biggest kingdoms. Don't tango with the fungi kingdom because it'll turn us into the last of us. It's going to kill us like the last of us. Yeah, they reckon.

The last of us will get us. So it evolved at the point in time around when the asteroid hit. So I was close. Psilocybin. Psilocybin. Psilocybin. Psilocybin. Yeah.

The thing that gets, that the body converts and can make you trip balls. Buzzy wuzzy. Yeah, so it didn't arrive on the asteroid. So if you were imagining like a little magic mushroom just being like, hell of a ride. I'm here. Just commanding an asteroid through space. Riding it.

Y'all ready to get funky? You guys like seeing things that ain't real. Yeah, well, I'm on my way. Coming through there. Amateur is like, this atmosphere might be hot for some. It ain't hot for me, baby. Let's go groovy. Boom.

Smashes into the earth and the spores go everywhere. And that's how we have mushrooms. No, but the evolution of mushrooms that started producing the hallucinogen was around the same time as the year. Right. How hard is it to grow your own,

like, you know, like you buy from the supermarket for a stir fry, like your button mushrooms. It's so easy to grow mushrooms. Because I don't know if I trust, if I had a garden, I don't know if I'd trust myself. Because what if it goes all a bit skew-iff and you end up hallucinating watching Seven Sharp with your stir fry? What a wild drug trick. And Hilary Barry's all like purple and has six heads.

I thought the hallucination was that you were watching Seven Sharp while eating a stir fry. Like you're at work and then you're like, take mushrooms and you're like, whoa, man, Seven Sharp. I'm like, no, you're at work. You're juicing the magic mushrooms in your stir fry at dinner time. No. Accidentally.

I always see people picking them. I think that's them. I don't know. I don't know what they look like. Foragers. Foragers in the forest near my house. Oh, yes. It's definitely the mushroom hunters. Is it?

Right. 100% the mushroom hunters. Because I'll be there working on my mental and physical health on a bushwalk innocently. And the people are there picking mushrooms. I assumed for a stir fry to watch, to eat while they're watching Seven Sharp. But obviously not. But they're watching Seven Sharp. But obviously not.

But they're going for something a bit more spicy. They expected Seven Sharp to be on, they churn in at some country house hunters with Matt Gibb. Oh my God.

With a couple actually already owned the first home that he showed them. Controversy. And you're just like, grab onto the couch. It was unexpected.

So that's today's first mushroom factor today is they mushroom fact of the day, as they did not arrive on the... Will there be any facts this week about Smurf homes and mushrooms? Oh, maybe. I feel like that could be a good one. I looked up a lot of facts about mushrooms last night, and I found some interesting ones,

but I thought everything else was very... Shittake. Already known about mushrooms. You got one about that? Porcini. You know the floppy flat ones? I don't know much about those and I don't trust them. Oh, man, shiitake's in my...

What are you... Ikinubi. Inunubi. Ikinubi. Ikinubi dog food? What are you talking about? How high are you? Man, this bag of chips never ends.

Oh, my God, you've eaten 15 kgs of economic dog food. Is that you, Hilary Berry? Is that a bad thing? Those were our people tonight. So today's fact of the day is magic mushrooms didn't arrive on the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs, but the time of evolution that made mushrooms have a hallucinogen in them is dated about the same time.

It's all the same thing. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM. The impossible finding topic. An amazing story from the UK. It was an abandoned spaniel. Spaniel? Spaniel.

Spaniel. Like Samuel. It was a Spanish spaniel. Spaniel? Spaniel. Spaniel. Like Samuel. Wait, do you just have a spaniel? I thought it was a cocker spaniel. No, spaniels are a... It's of the spaniel variety. Right. Of a breed, yeah.

But what's just a spaniel? Spaniel's like an umbrella name for a breed. Right, okay. Yeah, your cocker spaniel. There's English cocker spaniel. There's King Charles Cavalier spaniels. American water spaniel. And cute dogs. Cavalier king spaniel. Yeah. Yeah, fl cocker spaniel. There's English cocker spaniel. There's King Charles Cavalier spaniels. American water spaniel. And cute dogs.

Cavalier king spaniel. Yeah. Yeah, floppies. They've got lovely floppy ears. Oh. So there was one of these that was just abandoned and it was found and it had six legs. Well, that'd be why it was abandoned. Wow.

Six legs. Wow. What? I mean, I wouldn't do it. This guy here talking like he's got the perfect body. Like, you don't have six legs. Yeah, I wouldn't do it. He's got the perfect body. Like, you don't have six legs. I wouldn't do it. I would never do that to an animal,

but people would because they're like, oh, it's got six legs. It's extra shoes. It had an extra like, dogs don't wear shoes, but it had an extra pelvis and everything. So it was almost like it had swallowed a dog in the womb. Like, it was like co-joined almost.

Deny or a mutation of sorts. Yeah. Okay, one more. Yeah, the two legs, they ended up removing successfully. Right. What about the extra pelvis? Very intense surgery. But they removed them.

They removed it all. They look, I feel like they took the wrong ones. Oh. I saw the dog on the news. Oh, my God. It only doesn't run right. They took the rarest legs. Yeah, they took the rarest news It only doesn't run right They took the rarest legs Yeah they took the rarest legs

Because it doesn't run right But that's because It's still getting used to The fact that it doesn't Have that extra like It had a whole lot of stuff in there They took the wrong legs I'm telling you

So They removed the legs And now the dog's like happy And they're looking to adopt it out Got four legs It's very It was a very cute dog Wow yeah

It is cute It had a great sort of demeanour. Yeah. After it all that it had been through, abandoned and such. Why didn't they just keep it with six legs? It'd be like having a husky. Everyone would be stopping at the dog park. Oh, my God, you've got six legs.

Yeah, yeah, totally. On your dog and you'd be like, I'm sick of explaining this. It'd be different if it looked like a caterpillar, like the back legs functioned fully. You'd almost leave it there because then it's six-wheel drive. You know, that dog's going to be able to get up hills and all sorts of stuff.

Hell yeah. Yeah. But they weren't fully functioning dogs. Yeah, right. So they had them removed. Right. So on the back of this, we want to know,

not about pets, but did you have something extra removed? Removed. Like a bonus. Like a third nipple. Third nipple, extra toe. Removed. Like you had a bonus. Like a third nipple or an extra extra toe. Extra finger. Little tail. You know people sometimes are born with the little tails. Little nub,

don't they? I've said before, people thought I'd grow out of this, but I've said I would have a tail if it was an option. I would have a tail. It would have to be furry like a monkey's tail though. I don't know if you've thought that through. I don't want a big skin. Like sporad Flesh tail. Skin.

Like sporadically hairy tail. It needs to be like. It needs to be proper. It needs to be a proper hairy tail. I haven't had an extra thing removed. I don't. I'm trying to think if I know anyone that has an extra something, something. People are always with extra teeth. Don't some people have extra teeth? I've got an extra something, something. People are always with extra teeth.

Don't some people have extra teeth? I've got an extra tooth. There's four small ones down the bottom. But you haven't had it removed. I got another tooth removed at the back to make room for it. Okay, so technically you could call through. You're an extra tooth. I'll get on the blower, shall I?

Do you want to call now? Yeah. I'll just give it a buzz. What is it? 900 dials in M. 100. She's got to use the numbers, the letters. 3-2-6.

We'll see if... ZM, hello? Hi there. Okay, so I was born with an extra tooth down the bottom. I'm sorry, your phone's cutting out. Oh, can you hear me? Yep. Oh, so I'm just calling it about the extra thing, phone-er.

Oh, yeah, yeah. What were you born with an extra one on? Also, sort of semi-long-term call, long-term listener, long-term call. No, you've got it wrong. Yeah, okay. Long-term listener, first-time caller. I mean, she's been on the show a lot before. I don't know if you can ding that.

Never called, though. Yeah, fair call, fair call. Okay, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, so I was born with five little teeth down the bottom right. Bit of a shit story. Like in the middle. I don't know how the producers let this on, to be honest. How many of us have four, two on each?

You're supposed to have four and I've got five. Isn't that what you guys were asking? Yeah, no, that's a good starting point. It just wasn't quite clear. I don't think it's Caller of the Week. I don't think it's Caller of the Week stuff, but it's a great starting point. It might be Caller of the Week. No, no, no, no. No, you're missing me. Not Caller of the Week. I don't think it's Caller of the Week stuff, but it's a great song. It might be Make Caller of the Week. No, no, no, no.

You're missing me. Not Caller of the Week. Do I get a $50 McCafe voucher? No, you don't get Caller of the Week. That's what they get. You're going to need a better story for that, listener. Yeah, but that's good. Thank you so much for calling.

I'm going to go listen to more FM. You guys suck. Oh. Wow. I just went to the toilet. What was that? We just had a caller on with an extra tooth. Average caller to start. Right. What was that? We just had a call on an extra tooth. Average caller to start.

Right. What was the extra thing they had? Oh, they had an extra tooth. Cool. So 0800-DARCENM That's so cool. We want you to give us a call for the impossible phone-in topic.

9696 to text us through. There's a text machine. There's a text machine. It's a text machine. It can't be read out. We've had a plastic surgeon. I don't know if you call that extra. Extra nipples we'll take. They remove extra nipples.

But I don't think we're going to take when people remove some of their extra skin. Bits. Right. Okay, well 0800 dials at M is the number. You can text through 9696. Were you born with something extra

and have you had it removed? A dog with six legs has had two of them removed, so now it's just a normal dog with four legs. And we want to know if you've,

for the impossible phone-er today, ever had an extra bit removed. Yeah. Like an extra toe. We had a great caller earlier who had an extra tooth and had a. Like an extra toe. We had a great caller earlier who had an extra tooth

and had to get a tooth removed to make room for it. It was a great... Caller of the week, I'd say. I don't know. The boys didn't agree with me. I don't know. Jenny, good morning. Welcome to the show.

Hi. Hi. Have you had something extra removed? I haven't had it removed. I was supposed to. When I was 15, I found out I had a third kidney. So I have two on my left side

and one on my right side. Because Hayley, you've got one. You've got one. You had to get one removed. Well, yeah, the majority of it, chunks of it removed. Oh, ouch. Yeah, it did suck, actually.

So I'd just keep that. That doesn't sound pleasant at all. So does the third one function? As far as I'm aware, it does. I mean, I get very drunk very fast, but I sober up very fast. Wait, wait. Extra kidneys make you get drunk fast. I thought it would have processed it and you wouldn't.

Well, I don't know. I think it's because they filter faster. Yeah, because you get drunk really fast and then gets it out. Then I sober up real fast. Yeah, but do you get hangovers still? No. Wow. Okay.

Kidneys remove waste products from the blood and produce urine. So it's just getting... I think you're just a lightweight, to be honest. the getting rid of it quick sounds getting rid of it quick sounds like the role of the kidney wow and so you there's no reason to get it removed so you don't think you will um well when i was 15 i had an allergic reaction to voltaren which put me in hospital and that's when they found out about my extra kidney. Oh, wow. They put me on the waiting list to get it taken out. But I was 15. I had a fight with my boyfriend at high school

and I decided to skip the country and move to Australia. So now you've still got measured response to a teenage fight with your partner. Yeah, I think so too. And now you've still got three kidneys. I love it. I do, but I also have eight children. So if I ever need to donate one of them.

You've got a spare. Oh, but look, she's a walking living supply chain. I am. You could donate two of those. Eight children. My Lord. Now that's a way better caller than the one about the teeth, actually, isn't it? Thank you, Jenny.

In the 1950s, Russia would have loved her. Yeah, Josh, you've got an extra body part. Have you had it removed? Yeah, I had two extra bones in my foot and I had to get them removed and a ligament moved when I was back in primary.

Whereabouts in the foot were the bones? It's on the side. Why did... Well, that's where the scar is. Yeah, right. Was it like an extra toe? No, no, no.

They were like in the foot, like by the ankle. Floating around or serving a purpose or? Well, they had the ligament attached to them, which they weren't meant to. So I used to limp and have a bit of trouble walking. So when they took out the bones, it fixed it? Oh, yeah. I roll my ankle pretty easy now. You're a bit rolly, are you?

A bit rolly, yeah. You might need a good boot with ankle support. Sounds like you need a boot, like a tramping boot. You're a tramping sandal. You can strap that foot in. Fashion will not be your friend, but functionality. Isn't that amazing? And then so that's obviously helped a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still walk a little funny, but I just walk like a dog. I think funny walks are endearing. Don't worry about it. You see people walking all boring-like? Yeah. Not our Josh. Not our Josh.

See, again, a much better caller than that girl with the teeth. Yeah, I'm seeing that poor girl. But she really opened it up. She did. She started the ball rolling. Thank you, Josh. Keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800 dials it in.

Get to more of those next. Those fantastic calls. Had to more of those next. That's fantastic, Koolz. Had an extra body part removed. Want to know for the impossible phone-in topic today if you've had extra body parts removed. Jeez, listen to this. My daughter had a tooth that was in the roof of her mouth, near her nose.

Oh, yeah. It could have made her top four teeth fall out to the left. Right. They cut off her soft palate to access the tooth, glued a chain to it, put this through a hole they punched in her palate and attached it to braces to stage it into place. And they stitched the roof of her mouth back on and it all worked. Oh, my God. Yeah, I've sort of seen people that have had those teeth at a back

and they get pulled forward with braces. Into the gap. Because I had two, these two teeth were up really high. They got yanked down, but forward. Oh, yeah. Far out. How did that, was it a baby tooth that came off and got, or was that a thing from birth?

I don't know. I don't know. Oh, wow, that's fascinating. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, wow, that's fascinating. I don't know. I haven't had my extra part removed, but I do have an extra vertebrae at the base of my spine. No, it's not a tail. Oh.

It's the start of a tail. So you have, what, like a C4, C5? Is that what they? Sorry, I'm just reading the text that says you can't read this out on air. It's just for us. Well, don't do that to everybody. It's just for us. I, don't do that to everybody.

I'm so sorry. This is tickling you, isn't it? Also, someone just texted and said they have an extra finger on your right foot. Now, that, I believe, is a toe. Is a toe. What if it's an actual finger on the foot? Toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, finger. I didn't mean to boil out your extra toe. No, it'll blur.

I'm sorry. It'll probably make some money online, to be honest. Yeah. Oh, yeah, with those feet, people. You know, OnlyFans, you could call your OnlyFans... OnlyFingers. OnlyFingers. My partner has an extra nipple.

It has little hairs growing around it. We always thought it was a mole, but it's definitely, when you look closely, it's definitely a little miniature nipple. Well, you're in good company, because Harry Styles has got an extra one, doesn't he? He's got a mini little nipple. He's got a mini extra nipple. He's got a mini extra nipple. My husband was born with an extra finger.

He got it removed before he was two. My husband was born with an extra finger. He got it removed before he was two. Oh, yeah. I had an extra uterus removed after I found I have two vaginas. I've read about that before. No, because I remember when the guy on Reddit didn't ask me anything and he had two penises. Yes.

That's right. So would he be the perfect match for I mean. It's like a plug, isn't it? It's like when you go to Brazil. When you go to plug your things in it's a different adapter. Wow. I've heard that because wasn't

there a woman who had a baby in each? Yes. What? Yeah, she got pregnant with twins and they took a uterus each. Good Lord. Off the same event. Off the same event. Insemination. Oh yeah, you would hope.

Or at different times. No, because you've only got one set of ovaries, right? So you're only releasing the one egg. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm shooting them there and there. Wow. My son had an extra tendon in a toe, apparently more related to an ape. Oh, closer to the OG. Closer to the ape.

I work in plastic surgery. We've sorted out a lot of extra nipples. Yeah. Yeah. Someone said nipples seem to be quite a popular thing. I was born with two extra pinky toes on each foot, but instead of growing from the end of my toes, they grew on my ankles like little nubs.

What? I was homeskilled, so I was never bullied for it, so I never felt like I needed to get them removed. And now I love putting toe rings on them and embracing my extra toes. No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to need to see a photo of that. Could you wear a high boot if they're coming off the ankle? Boots aren't designed to accommodate extra housing.

You wouldn't want to do a five-day tramp. You'd get a big blister on your little ankle. On your ankle toes. You might wear down your nubs. Yeah. Five days doing Lake Waikeremoana. Oh, beautiful. Wear your nubs off.

You would. You'd feel it. Does it have a toenail? Does it have a toenail? Would you paint the toenail? I don't know. When you get a pedicure, are you paying extra?

Well, yeah, technically it's an extra two, isn't it? Extra two. How would you cure it in the machine? Because when you get a thing, you slip your foot into the machine.

Yeah, you have to put it around the end. I've got an extra testicle. I was supposed to get it removed, but the doctor said it's fully functioning and not a health issue, so here I am, three balls.

They have toenails, and I get French tips on them all. Not to take from Mr. Testes here. Right. Thank you for clarifying. How does it look with the... Would you even... Do you think you'd really even notice it if you...

Can we have a photo, please? I would like... Just for personal use. Of the testicles or the toes? Both. Beggars like can't be choosers? Do they sit side by side? Because it would look like one of those things people have in an office

where you pull up the ball and let it go and it goes. Yeah, and so they're in the same sack? Yeah, no word of an extra sack. Single sack, three testes. And I want to know, does one sit at the front and two at the back or two at the back, one at the front? It might be like, have you ever had a grape that's like, or a tomato and it's got the little extra bit on it?

Uh-huh, a little extra storage a grape that's like, or a tomato, and it's got the little extra bit on it? Uh-huh. Like that. Like it's connected. Like it's connected, but it's still part of the same, not to compare your testicles to a tomato. Now, back to the ankle toes. Okay. Yeah. The feet people charge you $15 extra for the extra nub French tips.

Is that discrimination? No, it's extra toes. It's extra, your price per toe. Extra work. It's not discrimination. Your price per toe. It would be why if you only went with one leg, they wouldn't charge you for two.

They might. Oh, they wouldn't. Yeah. They wouldn't. Imagine the outrage. There'd be some outrage. Especially here in the Paralympics. Yes, indeed.

How absolutely fascinating. Thank you so much for your messages in. Amazing. Teeth removed from their nasal messages in. Amazing things, ladies. Teeth removed from their nasal passage. See, again, that's way better than that first lady we had that called up with the extra. I'll agree with you. The first caller was the worst caller we had.

Yeah, absolutely. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a poos. Busting for a poos. Jesus. Give us a review.