ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 22nd July 2024

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

Post Holiday Blues  Top 6: Sharks on Cocaine  Silly Little Poll!  Someone just learnt Fletch's name  How Bad was the Accommodation?  Hayley's Big Reveal  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great Things are Brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play Fletch, Fawn and Hayley on ZM. Thank you Bryn. Wow, that is breaking news. It's not even, I'm on joebiden.com

and it's not even been announced on there. Wow, as Bryn said, you're stepping down. Good. Poppa needs to go to bed, honestly. It's like you know when you need to tell one of your parents they need to stop driving. Yes. I think it might be time. Poppa, you need to just stop running the country. Yeah, Pop. Come on.

This is good. This is good. You know, not that we like to get political on this show, but I think we could openly say we're not on Trump's side. Actually, sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't even. You've really spoken for Vaughn there.

Yeah, I didn't actually ask Vaughn. Big Trumper. I assumed. Big Trumper. Big Trumper with his guns on his compound. Yeah. Doomsday prepping. Yeah.

For the Civil War. Yeah. It's coming. And you're wearing a bandage on your left ear? Yeah, well, solidarity. Solidarity. Yeah. No.

Obviously not. Five on time. Still hasn't been won. Is this week seven or week six? It feels like week six. Yeah, Carwin's saying week seven. $25,000. We've had some really close calls.

Not good enough. You've got to be bang on 5.00 seconds. Eight o'clock is your next chance to win the cash with five on time. The top six is soon. The top six signs the shark about to attack you is high on cocaine. Yeah, well, they've found sharks off the coast of Brazil. Brazil. Brazil. And they are high on cocaine because, you know,

they chuck the drug smugglers. Ditch it in the water. They ditch it in the water and then the shark, like Cocaine Bear, the movie. Yeah. Where the bear ate the cocaine, the shark. The shark is eating the cocaine. It's polluting the waters.

These drugs. Right. It's just what we don't need. Bales, yeah. They're already pretty scary rather than be grinding their teeth. Right. It's just what we don't need. Well, the bails, yeah. They're already pretty scary rather than them grinding their teeth. Yeah. Maybe if they're grinding their teeth so tight, though, they won't bite you. Yeah, or if they've ground them down, they won't be sharp anymore.

Nubs. They'll be nice. Nubs. Blunt. Smooth, blunt nubs. Yeah. Gummy shark. I've got the top six signs that the shark that's about to attack you is high on cocaine.

Fantastic. I love this. The Olympics starting this weekend. There's some scandal coming to attack you is high on cocaine. Fantastic. I love this. The Olympics starting this weekend. There's some scandal coming up. This is. Some Olympic scandal already. This is shocking. We'll touch on that soon

but next on the show. The science behind post-holiday blues. Oh, that's. We're a week back. Back to school today. Oh, yeah. And that's you with your poor attitude today. I just walked in before

and I said I think I've got a bad attitude today. You've got a bad attitude.. You've got a bad attitude. Real brassy. I slept in. Yep. And then I rushed. Oh, I've got a stinky attitude. Well, maybe you've got

post-holiday blues. I think I might. I'm reading this article about the post-holiday blues. Well, Hayley and I are suffering here, Vaughan. Metro.co.uk. But now halfway down on the right-hand side

is a suggested must-read with the title I lost a sex toy on the first date and I couldn't believe where. Read that. That sounds more interesting, right? I need to know

where did they lose it. Post-holiday blues. No, no, no. Relax. Okay, alright. Alicia Davis wrote this. Sunday mornings don't typically start

with me lying on my back legs wide open with a lying on my back, legs wide open with a finger on my backside. Well, specifically not in a hospital bed with a finger belonging to a nurse, but after a first date fail, that's how I was spending it. Sunday morning lying in a hospital bed. Oh, they lost it up inside of her. It's gone. She lost the pump plug up inside.

Oh, but that's why it's got the flared base. Lost it? That's why it's got a flared base. That's why it's got the flared base. Lost it? That's why it's got a flared base. That's why it's got the flared base. It's like saying I lost a car

down a cul-de-sac. It's down there somewhere. Okay. or you've got to tie a sort of a... Okay, we'll go extreme. I got a first date,

came back to my place afterwards. It's a first date and we're going straight with a thing in the back. Good for you. Oh, she does OnlyFans and this isn't her first time with the bus club.

Let's back out of that. Oh, yeah, they've got an X-ray there. It did go up, but I mean, not like enough that you'd go to the hospital straight away. You'd probably give it a week, I reckon. Good news sources. All right, well, the post-holiday blues are a real thing. And a clinical psychologist has broken it down. What causes these bad moods, these glum feelings?

Is there also, at the end of this article, a cure for Hayley's bad mood today? Yeah, literally it is at the end. Got the blues, start planning your next vacation. And then another doctor starts talking about the best places to go. Italy's Amalfi Coast. Oh, yeah. Perfect getaway.

I mean, this is Positano. This is like in the UK, so you can get on a flight for like 20 quid. Yeah, but also, and our next holiday isn't until the end of the year, which is going to be cold over in Europe. So it'll be really lovely. Warm hair.

Summer hair, though. So if you travel to a new- I'm not staying home on my holiday break. What am I, Vaughn? What do I look like, Vaughan Smith? God. Yeah, shucks. I'll be staying home on that holiday too, that's right.

So if you experience a whole lot of new things, the old brain, the old bloody him upstairs, knock, knock, knock, in there somewhere. There's rocks in mine. There's a whole lot of rocks in there. Releases dopamine. We all know dopamine's fun. Oh yeah, I'm a dopamine knock, knock, knock, in there somewhere. There's rocks in mine. There's a whole lot of rocks in there. It releases dopamine. We all know dopamine's fun. Oh, yeah, I'm a dopamine addict.

Everyone's after a little dopamine fix. So your brain juices you up with dopamine. Yeah, while you're on this holiday. All these new experiences and all these beautiful things you're seeing and the beautiful people. Beautiful beaches. And then when you go back to your ordinary life, of course, you've experienced the dizzying heights.

Yeah. Standard life, not as heavy on the dopamine. So that's one reason. So you're saying now that we're back home, we need to get some more dopamine. You need to get some more dopamine. Which comes in the form of lots of things. Exercise. Yeah.

Bananas. And walks beside a river. And walks next to large bodies of water. And just scrolling TikTok endlessly. Scrolling TikTok. Also drinking's in there. Sexual activities. It's a dopamine thing. Bit of water. And just scrolling TikTok endlessly? Scrolling TikTok. Also, drinking's in there. Sexual activities. It's a dopamine. Bit of that.

Well, okay, so for the singletons who have been on a group trip, there's an acute sense of isolation or loneliness as well as the lack of the dopamine. I was just saying to you guys this weekend, I was a little bit lonely. Yeah. I went to Christchurch on my own and in some moments I felt lonely. You were on stage, people were laughing and they were applauding and you were the main focus. But then as soon as it was over, you were like, I felt lonely. You were on stage, people were laughing and they were applauding

and you were the main focus. But then as soon as it was over, you were like, they've learned me. I literally withered like a poppy after I came off stage, especially on Saturday night. I came out. No one waited. It's fine. I had to pack out all my stuff.

And then like none of my friends, my friend who was going to have drinks with me, she bailed. And then so suddenly I was sat in a hotel lobby just having an espresso martini on my arm. A coffee drink just before bed. And I did it. It was like, and then I literally woke up at three o'clock the next morning and that was it. So singledons get home. They feel lonely.

Couples who don't live together back home but travel together, they also get the loneliness because they've been together so much. Yeah right. People who travel with their partners or live with people it feels like when they come back it's too much. Yeah because they need a break. They've just literally spent every waking.

You're still here. Remember when we were in Italy together that was. You were way more tolerable in Italy. I saw some incredible fights with couples. There was a boat trip. My friend and I were on a boat trip, and there was a couple having an argument, and they were sitting on either side of the boat.

And they weren't making it... You've spent too much money to be fighting. I know, yeah. Oh, shivers. But it is high stress sometimes, you know, travel and everything like that. So you see it all the time, couples fighting. I know, yeah. Oh, shivers. But it is high stress sometimes, you know, travel and everything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You see it all the time, couples fighting. Getting to your destination, like the airport and the thing and where are the bags and where are they? Where are they?

So what's the answer then? Start planning your next one. Start planning the next one. Okay. Even if it's a year away, you've still got that to look forward to. The moment you said that, I literally opened up the Air New Zealand app,

the website, and I'm going to see where I'm going to go. Olympics kick off this weekend. Oh, yeah. In Paris. Already, there's some scandal. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. The Olympic Games kicking off in four days, 23 hours and 13 minutes. Exciting.

In Paris. We've sent our correspondent, James McHoney, over to the Games. He'll be exclusively reporting for us. Yep. We put together a small Koha charity fundraiser event to get him over there. To get him over there. I mean, apparently he's got other jobs over there. What?

Yeah. Did we not book the flights? That seems off. I think we're like tagging on. Oh? Yeah. Did we not book the flights? That seems off. I think we're like tagging on. Oh my gosh. But we will have- We will claim them. Yeah.

James of Coney, man on the ground during the Olympic Games for us and for you, the dear listener. Yes. But already there's been some scandal.

I know. I'm looking forward to the scandal coming out of the Olympic Village because that's the kind of scandals I like. Well, they, was it the last Olympics they they were like, no sex.

Yeah, and then this year they made cardboard beds. That's funny stuff. Ain't nothing going to break my stride. And there's always that stat of how many condoms they release. Have you seen the duvets? No. At this Olympics? What do you mean, the duvets?

Well, Luca Giant's five-time Olympian, legend, and the whitewater kayaking. Is that how it's pronounced? Yeah legend in the whitewater kayaking. Is that how it's pronounced? Yeah, I believe so. Kayaking. She put up a photo of her Olympic Village room. Yeah, having a lot.

And it was the cardboard bed base. Oh, it's blue. And I was like, love that duvet. It's a wild duvet. I don't even know how to describe it. It's like polka dot, blue, pink. It looks a little bit like a sunset. It looks like a 1990s

child's bed, farmer's duvet. Yeah, okay. Yeah, terrible. Well, bad news for Japan and their gymnastic team, which is a great team apparently. Their captain and their top female gymnast Shoko Miyata, she has been removed from the team

due to allegations that she had a durry. She has been removed from the team due to allegations that she had a durry. Now, she, everyone in the Japanese gymnast team, the female gymnast team, is teenagers. She's 19 years old. The legal smoking age in Japan is 20.

But the legal smoking age in France is 18. Yeah, dude. Oh, it's probably 12, knowing France. Everybody smokes in Europe. It's outrageous. So she was missing from practice. But the legal smoking age in France is 18 Yeah dude, it's probably 12 Knowing France Everybody smokes in Europe, it's outrageous So she was missing from practice The media was like, where is she? They said due to some circumstances she's not here Then they've announced

That she's under investigation And then they announced that she's been removed They apologise They're like removing one of their top medal hopes. Yeah. And she's the captain. Over a sig. And now they're just going to be competing in the female team,

a team of four instead of five. Back in the good old days, you could have a sig while you're doing gymnastics. I'm pretty sure the All Blacks at halftime used to have a beer and a durry. Yeah, back in the day. So the men's Japanese gymnastics team, they're the favourites to take home gold. Right. The Japanese teams take the gymnastics very seriously.

And I've just removed her for having a little durry. And apparently she's absolutely devastated, obviously. But was the durry in Japan or was it in France when she was caught? Well, they said it was in Monaco. Right. So she wasn't in France. On the way. Just a little stopover in Monaco.

A little holiday. For a little gamble and a Dari. Okay. Yeah, they're deeply sorry, but that's it. Well, Olympics kicking off this weekend. Play ZM's Fletchvorner Naley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is the Top Six. Good morning. A shark off the coast of Brazil. High on cocaine. That's sad. Then we could probably assume that he wasn't alone. So this is like the movie Cocaine Beer where the beer gets into some drug dealer's coke.

Yeah. Is this a shark eating a bale of coke in the water? 13 sharp-nosed sharks taken from coastal waters near Rio de Janeiro had cocaine in their muscles and livers. Jeez. So we're taking them out. So it's cocaine pollution. Oh my God.

So it's just in the water. Yeah, wastewater supplies and just in the water and just being, yeah, they're abandoned at sea. So if you went swimming in the sea, but I suppose we're not drinking the water. No.

We're not like flushing it through our gills to breathe or anything like that. Well. Well, speak for yourself. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I flush it through my gills. I spoke for the non-gilled humans.

Thank you. And I shouldn't have spoken for the gilled humans. Thank you. Well, the top six signs. And good morning to our gilled listeners. Good morning to all of our gilled listeners. How do they hear us? Well, they've got ears.

Oh, they've still got ears. Yeah, they've got ears and gills. In fact, you probably owe them an apology now for assuming they don't have ears. Yeah. I'd like to apologize now to our g they don't have ears. Yeah. I'd like to apologise now to our Guild listeners that have ears. Yeah. Well, now you've excluded the Guild listeners without ears.

Maybe Chuck Lidmon. Oh, God, it's a slippery slope. Yeah, we're not pleased, everyone. I'll be here all day apologising. Top six signs the shark's about to attack you. That the shark that's about to attack you is high on cocaine. Number six, he's not really that hungry. Just going to give you a little nibble. He gets up to you and he's not really that hungry. Just going to give you

a little nibble. He gets up to you and he's like, oh man, not really that hungry. Not really in it. Not starving. Number five on the list

of the top six signs of shark that's about to attack you is high on cocaine. He works in finance. Yeah, they can afford it. Yeah,

they're about the only ones left that can afford it. He's got a blue shirt on and a puffer vest. Yeah, really just getting it done. Getting it done. God, that can afford it. Yeah, yeah. They're about the only ones left that can afford it. Yeah. He's got a blue shirt on and a puffer vest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really just getting it done.

Getting it done. God, this bloody interest rates better come down, eh? Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six signs the shark that's about to attack you is high in cocaine. Just before they bite you, they tell you about an idea for a business they've been sitting on for a little while. But they're really excited about.

Chatty, aren't they? They want to bring you in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want in? Just before I bite you. Yeah, yeah. And if you invest, I might not bite you.

Do you like this idea? Is this a good idea? Number three on the list of the top six signs the shark that's about to attack you is high on cocaine. They tell you how much cheaper and better

the cocaine was in the UK where apparently they lived for a few years. That's not the real deal. When I was in the UK, they'd bring it to your door. Number two on the list of the top six signs the shark that's about to attack you is high on cocaine. It thinks it's playing it really cool. But it's not playing it cool at all.

No. To the outside viewer, it's a jittery mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With big high eyebrows. You see the whole whites of its eyes. Yeah, dilated pupils. Yeah. Me, yeah. With big high eyebrows. You see the whole whites of its eyes. Yeah, dilated pupils. Yeah. Me?

No, I'm just chill, man. No, I'm just having a good time. I'm just relaxing. I'm just having a good time. And number one on the list of the top six signs the shark that's about to attack you is high on cocaine. It won't stop talking. It isn't picking up on the fact that it's talking nonstop

and at a rapid pace. And everybody else is just kind of listening. That'd be quite good, though, because you'd be able to get away. Because even when it bit you, it'd still be talking. You'd be able to get an arm out of the mouth because the mouth's going up and down. Yep. That is today's top six.

Lotto didn't go this week. And I had eight lines in it. I didn't buy a ticket. I just used my eight bonus lines from the Wednesday before. Oh, okay. You didn't win. Have you checked yours? Well, you didn't win it.

Jackpot it. We've got a deal. And you doubled down on this deal last week. You said, make sure you've got your ticket to me. And you said, because if we win, if it's at the current amount, a million dollars each. But you only got eight lines. I want 24 lines. Yeah, I got 24 lines as well. I usually

do, but I had bought, but but when it was 20 when it was the one before, the Wednesday I had two tickets and you guys had one. Yeah, she's got you there. I've got you there. I had two tickets. You only need one line to win, she's got you there. I've got you there. I had two tickets. You only need one line to win, Vaughan. Exactly.

And in the end none of us won. No, well I actually haven't checked my ticket. Unless you're sitting on it. I'm starting to think this gambling thing isn't great, guys. I'm starting to think I've put more money into it than I've gotten out of it. Yeah. So there's a teenager in the UK who, he's

19 years old. Yeah. He there's a teenager in the UK who he's 19 years old. Yeah. He shared on Reddit, there's like a finance, UK personal finance Reddit post looking for financial advice. He's 19 years old. He won the set for life lottery, which is it drop feeds you. Drop feeds you. Drop ships you.

It drop ships you money. It drop ships you $25,000 a week. A week? Oh, my God. $25,000 a week. New Zealand dollars? New Zealand dollars. Oh, my God.

19 years old, was going to start uni in a couple of months. Yeah. Doesn't know if they should go. The question they were asking is like, what do I do? How do I, a 19-year-old, explain the fact that I suddenly have $25,000 a week, $100,000 a month. For how long? Set for life.

What? Yeah. How is this lottery? Oh, my God. I know. 30 years, sorry. 30 years. So 30 years.

Okay. So until they're 50. Yeah. 30 years, they get $100,000 a month. Oh, my God. At the age of 19. Oh, my God. Now, if I think back to when I was 19 years old. Oh, my God.

I wouldn't have known. First living at a home. Yeah. Right? First living at a home. I had my first, like, proper job. I was, like, flatting. I was partying every single weekend,

Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and sometimes Thursdays. What would you spend it on? I honestly think while I would have had a good blowout and probably lived a high life, I would have got advice. I would have gone to like a financial advisor. You'd hope your parents, I wouldn't have gone to Reddit. No, why would you do that? They're on Reddit. One of't have gone to Reddit. I know. Why would you do that? They're on Reddit.

One of the questions they're asking is like, do you tell someone? And if you don't tell someone, how do you explain the fact that you've now got this money despite the fact that you are 19 and you don't have a uni degree? Yeah, you couldn't live like someone that was earning $25,000 a week.

You just couldn't. You'd be like, I got a great job. What is it? And the amount of people that would try to rip you off and all these new friends that you'd get. That was the main thing that everyone on this post was saying Be like, I got a great job. What is it? And the amount of people that would try to rip you off. Exactly. All these new friends that you'd get. That was the main thing that everyone on this post was saying, was like, don't tell a soul.

Yeah. Like, get some proper financial advice. Because even, and by no means am I saying that $100,000 a month is not a lot of money, but it's the kind of money that you could get to 50 and have nothing. Do you know what I mean? Like if you just got used to living the high life and spending it. And you just blew it on like dumb cart, like Lamborghinis,

and you're a 19-year-old. You're so stupid, you've got no idea. Well, it's a bit like, you know, like footballers when they leave high school and they make a team. 100%. Like they're in the NFL or AFL or whatever, and they get all this money and they just blow it. Then they get injured. Like super rugby just blow it and end up injured.

Like super rugby players closer to home or NRL people and then they, yeah, five years in, suffer a career-ending injury. And they've got nothing. Yeah.

Would you? Most teams have something on now for the young players, I think. Right. Or they recommend talking to somebody. Fletch, you left high school at 14. No, it was kicked out.

Excuse me. You got kicked out at 14. He kept eating all the Play-Doh. I just skipped the last year because I kept eating the Play-Doh. You skipped 5th, 6th and 7th form. No, 7th form. Would you if you had, say you finished high school, whenever you finish it, and then this happens

to you, are you studying? Are you going and studying? Oh, I don't know. Because I've always said you would work. Because otherwise you'd go crazy. Especially at 19. Imagine just going, I just won't work. I know, but you'd probably go, I mean, but it's hard for us

because we kind of went and studied like fun things. Yeah. Whereas like. But would I be like, I'm going to go study an accounting degree? Economics, yeah, exactly. Absolutely not. No, you'd totally, you'd going to go study an accounting degree? Economics, yeah, exactly. No, absolutely not. No, you'd have to pivot.

You could do business on something, right? Yeah. Yeah, business would be helpful. Use your money. I'm not saying, I don't know, I never studied business, but it looks a bit boring. It looks a bit boring. I would say 19 through 20 were my wildest years. And then so if you'd had $25,000 a week. Oh, 19 through 20 were my like wildest years. And then so if you'd had $25,000 a week.

Oh, 19 through 20 is one year. How much wildness did you squeeze into it that you remember it as years? When I was 19 and when I was 20, a lot of wildness. A lot of wildness. Wildness. If I had $25,000 a week burning a hole in my pocket, I don't think I'd be here. No, I think I just would have Yeah probably like disappeared on some

Like Criminals yacht do you know what I mean And then just never been seen again Someone would be cashing in your $25,000 a week Payment My family would be set up but they wouldn't have the daughter So they'd be devastated Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Today's silly little pole, is it okay to show up to work with wet hair? How did we get to this? It was an online debate Right Somebody said it wasn't Somebody said it was Yeah

And then everybody weighed in Well like it's unprofessional Yeah Like you haven't taken just I guess that's the problem A little bit of time Just to fully prepare It's hard because

Like I will sometimes come to work with wet hair But my hair is so thin It'll'll dry within, like, 20 minutes on its own. Whereas, like, girls with thick hair, like, it takes, like, Sade's hair must take so long to dry, right? Like, if I'll put a hairdryer on mine, it'll be, like, 30 seconds. Right. Yeah, she's in there for a while. But for some people in the morning, it's like, oh, what a rigmarole.

Yeah. I mean, just tie it up Do you know what I mean Yeah Leave it be You know who comes to work Quite often with a wet head Georgia Burt

Constantly They show Georgia Burt Yeah because she'll gym Before work She goes to the gym She gets all sweaty She gets sweaty And then she'll wash the hair

Comes to She looks like a drone right She does And it's actually Incredibly unprofessional And I have less respect For her when it's wet Wildly unprofessional

Yeah Well 65% of people said Yes it's okay to turn up to work with wet hair, but 35% said no, it's unprofessional. Wow, okay. That's a lot of people. No, because it shows disorganisation, says Lefina. Does it, though? Lefina. I mean, I think about, like, Georgia coming to work from the gym.

It's like, well, she just wants to. She actually got to the gym before work, which is impressive. Yeah, that's amazing. That's not disorganised. She's usually here by like eight, just after eight. I mean, she could pop. We do have hairdryers in some of our bathrooms in this building. Do you?

Yeah, not on level one. Not the one that we use. Not on the ground one, but the basement one. Basement one. And upstairs. Oh, yeah. Every now and then we have a meeting upstairs. That's when we know it's serious.

Yeah. And I'll go to the bathroom and I'm like, wow. Wow. How the other half live. And you know that's Mike Hosking. Mike Hosking has to get his, you know, spikes just so. Alex says, as long as you aren't late with wet hair. Because that shows horrendous time management.

It's like when someone's late and they've got their coffee, which is fine if it's a McCafay coffee. Yeah. But, you know, like you're late, but you've had the time to go and get coffee. Exactly. And you've got wet hair. Yeah.

You're a mess. Yeah, you're an absolute shambles. Jane says it's 2024. People answer no to this. What the F? How does the water content of your hair have anything to do with your capacity to do your job? Yeah, good point. It's distracting.

Kat says, tied up, yes. Flapping and slopping all over the place, no. It sounds like she's got a lot of hair. Also, it doesn't apply to gyms where you get wet anyway, like a swim instructor. Imagine if you were working at a swim school but they're like, if we could get that hair dry that'd be really great.

Yeah. So unprofessional in that pool. Shannon, I'm a hairdresser so it'd be a really bad look if I just came in with wet hair and I hadn't styled my own hair. I would have thought hairdressers would get to work

and then be like, I'll do it at work and everything's there. Yeah, true. It's funny though because I've got lots of friends that are makeup artists and hairstylists and whatnot

and they often won't wear makeup because they're like, I was in such a rush. It's about your face, not mine. Yeah. What does it matter? You're like, yeah, true. Amelia said, can't expect you to be on time and have dry hair. That is asking a lot of a woman. It actually is, yeah.

From the rain, yes. From the shower, no, says Lucy. Okay. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, Lucy, if you're that fastidious about being prepared, get an umbrella. You know what I mean? This is true.

Not mine? Not mine. Not mine. I don't know what you mean. Not mine. It's cringe, but it's not unprofessional, says Leilani.

Cringe? We're here. Better to be clean than dry, says Alicia. Yeah. Alana, most people use cheap shampoo and conditioner

and it's so fragrant or they don't wash it out properly. This enhances the smell of it and legit overwhelms me. Yeah, sometimes there is someone's shampoo you can absolutely like huff it. Garnier Fructis. Oh, you can smell it.

You can smell the apples. But Gantene Pro V, also very strong and recognisable. Yeah. Charcoal head and shoulders. No, you very strong and recognisable. Yeah. You're like, oof. Charcoal head and shoulders. No, you're good. It's all right. You're good.

It's all right. That's just beard washing. Yeah. Obviously, that would be a waste of money and time if I was trying to wash my bald head. Well, there's some little hairs there. With anything other than face wash. That is silly little pole. Three minutes away from seven.

Your chance at eight o'clock to win $25,000 with five on time. And we'll have the latest in news for you next with Bryn, including President Joe Biden, who has announced that he is stepping down at the end of this term. Emojis. We talked last week there's some new emojis coming. What was the weirdest one? The purple splatter.

Purple blob. Which makes it look like the eggplant. With the purple splatter, are we going to be able to hold down on it and change to a variety of colours of splatters? Like we are with being able to choose which emoji's skin tone sits with us the closest? Unsure about that. That would be nice.

There's also tired guy. Tired bags under the eyes guy. New fingerprint. Eight new emojis. Those are coming September, October, depending on if you use Samsung or iPhone. How embarrassing. Now, so apparently 41% of Americans,

Americans, believe that a text is not complete, feels naked, if it doesn't have an emoji in it. And that varies from generation to generation. 70% of Gen Z believe that, compared to 46% of Gen X. Gen X is under.

Under boomers. Boomers. So millennials, Gen X, boomers. Going backwards. So like people in their late 40s, 50s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You're a cusp, eh? Don't call him that. You can't say that word on the radio. Yeah. Cusp. Cancelled. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. I'm so sorry. Don't call him that. You can't say that word on the radio. Yeah. Cusp. Cancelled. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.

I'm so sorry. The C word. Broadcasting Standards Authority. So is that what the C word is? You're a cusper. That's what the C word is. Yeah. So I like emojis, but I don't use them every time.

Like if I go and look back at the last messages, all of these are like, you know, reply one to confirm your appointment. To get your bikini confirm your appointment. Yeah. To get your, you know, your bikini line zapped. Yeah. But some of them have come back. Anyway, that's a side note.

But if I go back to my last like chat chat, who's that? My brother. No, I barely use any. Yeah, I don't. Maybe a laughy face every now and then. I love using the laughy face. Always cry laughy. Yeah, cry laughy. Always cry laughy. end it. I love using the laughy face. Always cry laughy? Yeah, cry laughy.

Always cry laughy. Yep. I'm not super big on emojis. I'm like, does that mean that I'm not cool? Because everyone thinks that, especially the Gen Zs, who I'm constantly saying that I don't respect, but I want them to like me. I just want you to think that I'm cool.

Shannon, do you like Hayley? Do you like Hay just want you to think that I'm cool. Shannon, do you like Hayley? Do you like Hayley? Do you think that I'm cool despite the fact that I don't really hit an emoji every text? Yeah, absolutely. I will say the cry laughing face is quite done. Is it done? Yeah, it's done.

It's been done for a while. It's been done for a while, but I don't care. I'll still use it. Yeah, we'll use a skull emoji. That's kind of a replacement in Gen Z land. Skull. Oh, I'm dead. Skull cross, but I'm dead. I'm Skull crossed, but oh, I'm dead.

I'm dead from laughing. But no, I love you and, you know, you're endearing with your... Endearing! That's auntie with her old stories when you go see her at the Ryman. Oh, she's endearing. It's giving lots of love instead of low, you know? Oh, wow. I think I'm in an ageing crisis

Do you know yesterday I was trying to You can't call them that It's called an immigration policy You can't say we're in an ageing crisis Ageing No I'm having an ageing crisis You need to say it over and over again Your thoughts on the Asian population

They are New Zealanders now You need to go to Triton Herring. Yeah, grandad. Bay audiology. Yesterday I was practicing what it would look like if I just got a small facelift. Like just one of these.

Like pulled it back. That's the thing. It always starts with a small one, doesn't it? It's probably about the third one that I reckon people start losing reality. The third one is that

it gets looser and looser and looser. I'd like to think we will be your friends that tell you to stop. Well, I did say that when I got Botox, tell me if it's a bit too much. And now I've let it go. My frown's back. It's quite good, though.

It never looked too much. Oh, thank you. Thank you. What about this? If I just pull, if I just grab from the eyebrows and just pull back. Yeah, too much. Too much. Too much.

Too much. Too much. Too much, yeah. Look how tiny and shh. Look how wide your mouth got. That's quite good. I've got quite a small mouth. Like that.

Nah. Don't do it. 12 past seven. Next on the show, a case of mistaken identity. Oh my gosh. Play it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Now, Vaughn and I, we just celebrated our 20 year anniversary working together. You did this year? And I would say in those 20 years, the amount of times that people in public have mixed us up would be just, you'd

lose count. Endless. Yeah. People would say, G'day Vaughn, and I'd just be like G'day. G'day. Like close enough. You're Vaughn. Sometimes they were like, it's Fletch, but close. You know, make a joke out of it.

I turn around and I pull the fingers. I say, you tell your mother Carl Fletcher says get stuffed. Wow. Yeah. I would say even in the short amount of time I've spent with you, I've been around when people have called you the wrong one. I think you were about to say you've confused us as well. No. No, you've never done that.

Nah. I think it took me getting married for people to finally stop asking, where's Fletch? Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, because we had that Google search gay rumour for a while, didn't we? Long time. Our Fletch and Bourne.

Yeah, and it would complete the sentence, wouldn't it? Let's just say they gave it a go. They gave it a go. Did we? Yeah. Maybe in your adult literature. In my fantasies, yeah. In your fantasies.

So I would say, well, maybe... Two bottoms though, eh? It's not going to work. A couple of power bottoms over here. Yeah. God. He knows the lingo.

It won't work. He knows the lingo. You can't just butt them. Just smashing butts together. It's never going to last. It's never going to last. You've got to get a top in there. You've got to get a top in there.

You've got to get a top in there. That's why I'm here. That's why. Yeah. It's all making sense how we work. I would say about two months ago, our friend of the show, Big Hearted James and I, we went to a Sunday morning cycle class. I mean, it just won't work.

A Sunday morning cycle class. And the lady taking the class is very lovely. She's one of the instructors. Yeah. And she called me Vaughn. Oh. She was like, she was like,

great work there, Vaughn. Our Sunday mornings look very different. I'm at church, of course. Yeah, you're at church and I was at fitness. Trying to pray away the gay. Trying to pray the gay away. But it's still there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. More than ever. But it was like mid-class and I wasn't going to be like, no, it's, my name's actually Fletch, but so we just let it go. And James and I just laughed.

That's funny. And then the next time we went was a month ago when it was my birthday and she, James had told her it was my birthday or just mentioned it. But did he say, it's Fletch's birthday? Yes, he said it's Fletch's birthday. And she still wasn't like, this isn't Vaughn. But then in the class, she said, everybody, it's Vaughn's birthday.

And so everybody sang happy birthday to Vaughn. Oh, my God. I was just like, well, I can't say now that I'm Fletch. Oh, it's gone too far. You've literally sung happy birthday, dear Vaughn. There was one lady that looked at me and kind of was like, you're not Vaughn, but went along with it. And James and I were like, well, it's too late now.

Now, Vaughn, are you getting the fitness benefits of these classes? No, I'm not seeing any benefits of all of these spin classes I'm going to. But you're there every weekend. I know. Somebody did have a word to her, and yesterday she did say, I'm so sorry, I thought you were Vaughn. Oh, no, It's so embarrassing. I should have said something, but it was like middle of class.

It was just awkward. And she said, I did think it was weird one day when in public I yelled out Vaughn and you ignored me. And I thought, what a prick. What a prick. And I was like, no, I just wouldn't have heard you because my name's Fletch. Yeah, I wasn't attuned to listening for a different name that's not mine. But she thought you were quite rude

for not replying in public. Well, the thing is, I always turn around when anyone ever makes any noise because anything yelled, one syllable sounds like Vaughn. Four on a golf course was shocking when I was growing up. Yeah. Four. I'd be like, when I was growing up. Yeah. Four. I'd be like, what?

And spin around. What's four? You yell it on a golf course. If you hit a ball on a golf course. I've never heard that. I've never golfed. If you hit a ball on a golf course and it's going near some other players, you yell out four.

What does that mean? Watch out. Why four? Because it's harder to be like, watch out, there's a ball coming for you. But we say heads up. No, that's two up. Heads up. Heads up. Four.

Ball. Say that. Why don't they say ball instead of four? Thank you. Why don't they say ball? Originally a Scottish interjection. Four. The etymology of this word is uncertain.

Mention of the term in an 1881 British Golf Museum indicates the term was in use at least as early as this period. The possible origin of the word is the term four caddy, a caddy waiting down the range from the golfer to where the ball lands. These caddies were often warned about incoming golf balls by the shout of the term four caddy,

which was just shortened to four because four caddies are too many syllables. Right. Okay. Yeah. I can't believe youdies are too many syllables. Right. Okay. Yeah. I can't believe you've never heard that before. Never. Never. Never heard four.

I don't move in golf circles. No. Really? Never. I'm an alternative girl. I hang out in the fringes of society. You know me. I could see you really getting into golf though, little Pete.

Yeah, I could. Oh, the fashion. The shorts. Oh, no. I'd do a short. I'd do a skort. You'd do a skort. I could see you really getting into golf though, little Pete. Yeah, I could. Oh, the fashion. The shorts. Oh, no, I'd do a short. I'd do a skort. You'd do a skort. I'd do a skort. Shorts at the back, skirt at the front.

Yeah. That's classy. I'd do a nice little platy sock. Yes. Yeah, I'd do that. A white polo. White polo? You'd love the 19th hole too.

I would love a 19th hole. I've only had 18. That's what? Huh? Hmm? Huh? That's a humble number. That's what they call had 18. That's what... Huh? Hmm? Huh? That's a humble number. That's what they call the pub.

That's what they call the pub. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan Ailey. Play ZM. I love Instagram. I'm always on it. And the changes have been happening. You notice something, Fletch, like the old posts were at the top of your feed?

No, just posts from pages that I don't follow. Ugh, I hate that. And I was like, what old posts were at the top of your feed. No, just posts from pages that I don't follow. Ugh, I hate that. And I was like, what are you doing at the top of my feed? I don't like this. And then something was happening with Taylor Swift's feed as well where old posts had been, you know, popping up and stuff and everyone was like, what does it mean? What does it mean?

And it didn't mean anything. And then they've been, Instagram's announced they're adding expiring and semi-private comments that you can add to like, no, like reels that will then like disappear. I don't really understand. And I said, we should head to the social media desk. And then social media producer Shannon said, I don't really

get it either. So we're going to head to our retired social media producer, Karwin, to try to explain it to us. Yeah, I don't think that everyone has been experiencing this just yet. I think sometimes I tend to get a feature before other people do. It's kind of fun. Wow, did you hear that tone?

It was like, I'm a serve user. Remember when my Instagram turned dark and I was like, no, and I couldn't get it back? And you guys had the white background and I had the black one and I didn't like it. Yeah, it's like that, but this is a different feature. But it started because I noticed that my friend, a random post for some random pottery company

was at the top of my feed. I was like, I don't follow them. I don't follow anything like this. But did it say suggested ad? No. And this is what was happening to me at the weekend. Yes. And then I noticed there was like this little circle down the bottom of one of my friends' profile pictures.

And I sort of clicked that and she had added a note to the post being like, this is my friend's company, support them. Ah, and so that's why you were seeing it. So that it gets pushed out to your friends or you can choose. Don't push it shit on me. I know. It's like the people that do the at followers in Facebook now. Have you been tagged in those ones?

You and 8,000 other people have been tagged in some absolute horseshit, like winter caravan that somebody ordered but never paid for, which doesn't exist. So if I went on to something like a band that I liked or something and I made a comment with one of these expiring or semi-private comments, then you guys might see that I've commented on it and therefore that post will be in your feed. Yeah.

I am going to screw up your feed so bad. Yeah. It looks like it's separate to the comment section. Like it's a whole different little bit. But yeah, I mean you could, we could do it for our show, right? You guys could comment or do this little note thing to push one of our videos and then it won't be on your feed.

I'm not doing it, that's not in my contract. Okay. I'll only post the funny ones and the ones where I look hot. I'm sorry. Yeah, not every single one, just the ones that you like. No, I won't do it. But it would. Yeah. Not every single one. Just the ones that you like. No I won't do it. But it would then help push it into the feed.

So maybe it's going to be helpful for situations like that. But I find it quite annoying. And it's so cringe. Instagram is my curated safe space.

Well now it's going to annoy you because this was happening to me all weekend and it was just stuff you don't want to see. It was just crap. And it's just like your

friends that obviously had commented something for whatever reason. They'd done the note thing. They've purposely done this note thing. And so it happened with Taylor Swift. A bunch of her old posts from about five or so years ago, whatever, started showing up and everyone was like, oh my god,

what does it mean? But actually people were kind of just trolling us. People had just been leaving these notes and that's why you could see it again. Yeah. Oh, I don't like this at all. Just leave it be. Leave it be. Leave it be. Stop fiddling.

Is anyone still doing Be Real? Nah, I haven't Be Realed for a while. Anyone still Being Real? Ages. I'm just gurgling to see if anybody does. Be Real says it has more than 20 million daily active users on the 1st of July, 2024. Being real.

Really? People are still being real. People are still being real. Do you know, I had to come clean the other day because I did a story and it was something completely unrelated and my inbox was flooded with people being like, damn girl, your skin looks incredible. And I had to come clean and say, no, I'm using a filter.

Oh, wow. I had to say, no, I messaged people back and I said, no, no, no, I've popped a filter on because my skin actually is in the worst condition it's been in years. Right. So I was being real. You were keeping it real.

Well, I wasn't keeping it real. And then I was forced to then be real. Yeah. Yeah. Good on you. Thank you. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

I'm a big fan of Samoa right here, this guy. You've been? I've never been. A couple of times. I'm going to go to their WhatsApp photo ever and get to Sewer Trench. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That looks beautiful. To Sewer Ocean Trench.

That's pretty cool. There's some cool blowholes and stuff around there too. Volcanic sort of coast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That looks beautiful. The sewer ocean trench. That's pretty cool. There's some cool blowholes and stuff around there too. Volcanic sort of coast. Oh, yeah. Good beaches. Lalamanu is right down like the bottom right-hand corner. Right-hand corner. East.

Right-hand corner. South-east corner. Looking at the map on the right. On the right. I knew what you meant. We stayed there. That was a beautiful beach. Right.

Well, the king is going. The king is going to Samoa. The actual king. Now, nobody's saying where he's staying. They say it's a four and a half resort, but the air cons, Ratley, and the bed linens must be. Now, I would have thought, to be honest, I would have thought To be honest I would have thought This would have been

A fly in fly out job Oh you're right You know Like don't stay So I found an article From late 2023 Yep

Which said he was staying At the Sinaloa Reef Resort and Spa Most likely Okay When he goes there And it kind of fits the bill It's a four and a half star

Spa Imagine him getting a massage I think it'd feel like his skin would. When they do that thing with the sausage triggers, they click his fingers. Oh, they click the knuckles. It just wouldn't click. All this leather pop.

So that's apparently where it's, but I'm looking at it. It looks fine. Okay. Lovely. It's no Salatoga Sands. I've sat in Salatoga Sands. Right. Very nice.

When it's the king or like royalty or like, you know, VIPs, they need like the best. Yeah. But I sort of feel as well like when you travel to the islands or anywhere like beachy. Yeah. Sometimes it's a bit rough. You know what I mean?

It's island life. I'm always just amazed when you get to someone and you're like, how'd they build this here? Oh, God, yeah. How'd they get all this stuff here? Yeah. I'm imagining like Samoa isn't making its own ceiling fans. No.

They've got to come on a ship, right? And then they've got to get off the ship and they've got to get over here and they've got to get pumped in and they've got to get wired in. It's low-key island vibes. Yeah. But he's staying there. I don't know how long he's staying there for. They're going to replace the duvet.

Surely they can send someone to New Zealand to do a farmer's sale or something. Quick Briscoe's run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quick Briscoe's duvet or something. Briscoe's is just a launch to linen range. I mean, that's good for your warm weathers. There you go. When's he going to be in Samoa?

What season is it? This year. I mean, it's the same. Samoa is really consistent throughout the year. Right. Yeah. I always, because like, when did I, I've only been to Fiji, which is, and I stayed at like a resort-y type place.

Yeah. That was a bit rough around the edges. The only thing I can think about is when we went to Sedaman in Bali, we stayed at this accommodation that was sort of like chalet-ish, you know, like a sort of hut villary thing. And that was terrible. I would laugh if the king was there. The bathroom was outside and there was no roof over it.

I like that. No, no, no, no, no, no. This was like... Monkeys. Raining. Oh, okay. There were frogs everywhere. We don't want a frog in the toilet.

Don't want a frog in the toilet don't want a frog in the toilet and there was blood on the sheets and we ended up leaving that was like probably the worst did it not match the photos? no but you know like everything it was like surrounded in bush like when they have the photos it all looks incredible like I imagine

lots of places in Samoa there wasn't a close up of the blood on the sheets on TripAdvisor. There wasn't a close-up of the blood on the sheets on TripAdvisor. No, there wasn't. There wasn't. Okay. Which could have swayed my decision to stay there. I've never had it that bad that I've left.

We arrived in Bangkok and Thailand late one night and got taken to this place that we'd just found because we were told you have to stay by the rapid transit system. That's the best way to get around Bangkok. And they were right. But, yeah, we went cheap a little bit down the road and, like, walked in the room. It had definitely been a smoker's room.

The sheets were dirty. The shower dribbled the whole time. But then when you turned it on, the pressure really didn't change too much. Yeah, great. We were only there for one night before going out to the islands. But it didn't match the photos? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Or the name. It was like the classic palace or the first thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it didn't match. Well, can we take some calls on this? When you've booked somewhere, some accommodation, and it didn't match the photos. Like how bad was it?

Yeah. Like maybe there was like they're saying where the king's staying. Maybe the duvets are a little bit, you know, what do they say? Musty. Musty duvets. Cigarette stains. I can just imagine him in bed at the end. What does he wear to bed?

Probably a nightie, eh? He'd wear like pyjamas. He'd wear full royal pyjamas, I'd say. Gosh, Camilla, these shirts are awful. With one of those like real soft hotel beds that's been a bed for 20 years. Yes, and a lumpy-ass pillow. He's got two options, a thin, thin, damp one, or a lumpy, clumpy pillow.

Okay, well, let's take some calls. 0800 DARS at M. You can text through 9696. How bad was the accommodation? Yeah, maybe you did your research, but it still didn't match the photos. They're always going to show you the best of it. Right now, we want to know how bad the accommodation was. Yes, because there's concerns that King Charles and Camilla,

who will be staying in Samoa, there's concern that the accommodation may not be able to scratch because of the mouldy linen. No, the musty linen. Musty. Don't say that's quite mouldy. Musty linen. Someone said, I stayed in a backpacker's in Rarotonga,

which we're giving away a trip to, by the way. Yeah, we are. The ZM World Tour. Beautiful Rarotonga. The island edition. Yeah, that's beautiful accommodation, that is. You won't be staying at this backpacker's. My room at this backpacker's in Rarotonga

shared a ceiling fan with the room next door. The wall between our rooms didn't go all the way to the ceiling. No! The fan was exactly in the middle above the wall. The switch for the fan was in the next door room, so they cut a hole in the wall so you could reach your hand through and there was a little thing that said fan, and you'd reach your hand through and flick it on or off as you needed it.

Oh, you would hear them. That's like a divider, not a wall. Yeah, that's a tent situation. Oh, my God. Imagine this hand. You're just trying to have a little bit of holiday canoodling. This hand coming through the wall would be like. Click, click, click.

No, we don't want the fan on. My wife and I went to London and stayed our first night on the outskirts of the CBD close to the metro, which was very convenient, but the elevator didn't work. And the stairs down to our basement room had 200-year-old worn footprints on it. So it felt like you were drunk. The stairs were so old they were. Dented. They'd been worn down. it. So it felt like you were drunk. The stairs were so old, they were... Dented. They'd been worn down.

There was no window and the room was dirty. The most uncomfortable bed. To be honest, it felt like a sex dungeon. Okay, we want to know how bad the accommodation was. You can text through 9696 0800 DALS at MD. How bad was the accommodation in real life compared to the pictures? It was completely different. It was a tiny room, which wasn't a problem,

but it was the same with Hayley, blood on the sheets and on the doona. Wait, where are we? Where in the world are we? South Korea. Oh, wow. Okay. The nice Korea. The nice Korea.

Blood on the sheets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the nice Korea. And that was January this year, so it wasn't like a long time ago. Oh. Yeah, it was terrible. There was care in the bed. I don't know what else was in the bed. And I wouldn't put the sheets on top of me because they were filthy.

So I put a towel down, and then I started to itch like a crazy person. Yeah, we'd been told we weren't allowed to flush the toilet after 10 and we were also told that we weren't allowed to, oh, there was a whole lot of, we weren't allowed to put things in the rubbish because it was only collected. Sorry? Was this an Airbnb or a hotel?

No, this was a hotel. Hotel. Yeah. So did you end up staying? No, I ended up itchy crazy. Like, I was really itchy. So I got up to have a shower at three in the morning. Like, I couldn't sleep, obviously.

No, if you're not allowed to flush the toilet after ten, you can't have a shower at three. No, God knows. That's what I said. Well, that's the thing. They turned the water off. So it was the hot water off. So it was freezing cold water.

And so it's like, okay, that's it. So I had a cold shower, patted myself down with hand towels. Pretty much. They didn't even have towel towels. And then I started walking the streets at three in the morning trying to find anywhere else

that we could go. I was there with my daughter. Found a place at six in the morning and then told her that I don't care. I'm going to carry all of the suitcases, which we had four of, in the snow by myself if she wouldn't help me. So we did.

We rolled all our suitcases in the snow down the road. It was about a kilometre down the road. Yeah. This is terrible, Dee. Dee, how much did you pay for this hotel? Was it like $30? No, it was a three and a half star because we were only staying there

a couple of nights before we came back to New Zealand. Right. Three and a half is fine. You would expect a shower 24-7. For three and a half stars. That's wild. Maybe it's across the star and a half.

No. Oh, Dee, poor Dee. Dee, and a half stars. That's wild. Maybe that's what cost them the star and a half. No. Oh, Dee, poor Dee. Dee, thank you. Keep your texts coming in. 9696 to get to more of those next. When the accommodation didn't match the photos. Oh, God. We're asking when the accommodation didn't look like the photos,

when it didn't live up to its... Yeah. But then you've got to take the user reviews with a grain of salt because some people are just fussy. Oh, so fussy. But if you of salt because some people are just fussy. So fussy. But if you read through and enough people are saying the same thing. TripAdvisor is your best friend.

They've got a really good TripAdvisor. If you put in your dates for accommodation, there's like traveler ranked, but there's also best value. And that gives you like good accommodation that's good value for money. Good price, but not like a dump. Yeah, not a dump. We asked on Instagram as well, in a little questiony box, Gwyneth replied, Gwyneth Paltrow, again, thank you for listening. Gosh, it's been so nice to hear from her so much recently.

The toilet was leaking brown liquid out of the bottom of the toilet, but that's what you get for 10 euros. Oh my God, 10 euros? Yeah, $20 a night. An old bloody handprint smeared on the side of the bed, says Mary, and I had to sit sideways on the toilet. Sideways? Sideways.

Always in no room. Yeah, once the door had shut, there might not have been. Dog hair literally everywhere, including on the dinner plates. Sheldon says, in Philadelphia, my AC unit was hanging off the wall, letting in the freezing cold air. Just like an open, unshutterable window. A windowless room in London with pubes all over the sheets, says Lex the freezing cold air. Just like an open, unshadeable window. A windowless room in London with pubes all over the sheets,

says Lexi. Oh, yuck. Candice, you had a bad London accommodation as well. When did it not match the photos? So, early 2000s was the first time that we ever went to London. So it was me and my sister and my husband. Yeah.

Our travel agent decided that she'd book our first three nights in london so that we didn't have to worry about it yep she showed us this beautiful brochure it had like a double stairway going up behind the reception area and it looked so clean and we're like the travel agent has booked it it will be fine we won't worry about it right and it was really like we're getting in like super early in the morning it'll be good to go and have a shower. Yeah. Because everything's okay.

So we make our way to this, we'll call it like a hotel type accommodation. Yeah. We walk in the door. There's no double staircase. There's just a tiny little staircase probably about, I don't know, a meter wide that goes up by the wall. Yeah. It's a wee reflection area. We go and we check in.

They're like, yeah, that's fine. Come back later because you can't get into your room. That's all right. So we went up, had a look around, came back. The room was disgusting. It was half under the ground, so you couldn't actually open the window to get any fresh air. It was just disgusting.

Then we said, well, we'll have a shower. So walked into this room. It was maybe 1.5 metres by 1.5 metres. And then there was a basin, a shower, and a toilet. You had to shut the toilet lid to climb on top of that to get into the shower. Crazy space. Yeah, this sounds like a camper van. A good tiny home.

Yeah. Yeah, it was cute, maybe. Yeah, I mean. So when you turn the shower on, the whole place just got filled with water. So it was just, it was ridiculous. Did you message the agent and say, hey, this was awful? No, because we were like, we're so excited to be in Europe. It was our first time in Europe.

And we were so excited, we thought, no, it's just a blip. It's okay. I would have gone back and been like, hey, that photo and that brochure is not matching. It's not. Candice, thank you. Some messages in. I've done Kentucky, Europe, been to USA and Canada and still the worst place I've ever stayed was in Auckland. Stained sheets, mouldy shower,

my room smelt like sewage, my colleagues smelt like wheeze. Wait, all the colleagues' rooms smelt like wheeze. And the lobby smelt like pickles. I don like, well, that's not on the hotel. And the lobby smelled like pickles. I don't have a problem with the pickles, to be honest. Fiji, we got some beachfront accommodation.

Couldn't swim at the beaches. The water and sand was like sludge. Bedrooms had wooden shutters, so the bugs could still come in at night when you were sleeping. And they also failed to mention a crematorium down the road. So you'd wake up in the middle of the night with a burning nose due to the burning of the deceased. How many people are dying in Fiji?

That needs to be running all the time. Oh, my God. Imagine coming outside. Imagine coming outside and being like, let's take it in. We're in Fiji. What's that, man? Like pork.

Yeah. What would it smell like? What is that? I don't know if you're that. Oh, yuck. We stayed at a five-star palace in Venice. Look, Venice is short on options. Yeah.

You know, they're floating. It's an island. The room is so small you couldn't put a bag down except for on the bed. Had to move furniture to open or close the bathroom door. Yes. A small town in Canterbury pulled back the bed sheets to find it riddled with mouse poo. Went and complained and they said, you have to expect this. You're in the country now.

I don't know. Added country bonus. Yeah. You selected the country package. Some mouse poos. Yeah. When we were staying in Auckland, we arrived at the hotel to check in and the forensic police were talking to reception. Oh my gosh. Not a good sign.

When we got to our room, there were holes in the wall, and the shower hadn't been cleaned in months. So we were like, hey, this room's not up to scratch. They moved us rooms. No holes in the wall in the second room, but a massive hole in the wall of the hallway just outside our room. That's probably where the person was shot. Yeah.

Or thrown through. Yeah. The TV had one channel, is weird Because you couldn't even Tune any other channels We tried It became a little bit Of a challenge And the sheets were

Heavily stained Heavily stained Oh Oh Again you get what you pay for Yeah you gotta check Gotta check these things You gotta check these things

TripAdvisor that Go to the user review See the user photos Cause yeah Yanky go to the user review see the user photos cause yeah yanky finally we can talk about it I'm on Taskmaster season 5

you didn't dress that up or drag it out at all because I filmed it in January, February and since then and I have wanted about it on Taskmaster. Because I filmed it in January, February. And since then, and I have wanted to be on Taskmaster since it first came out. I started watching the British one from season one. I love it. Every comedian in New Zealand wants to be on the show.

It's such a good show. Yeah. Now, you are never allowed to tell anyone that you're on this show. Because it's a big secret. Having been working and when we did have you been paying attention was at the same time

that previous seasons were it was always like when Justine Smith was on Justine do you know who's going to be on Taskmasters this year she's like I would have no idea

I wouldn't even be able to I would have no idea and you're like ah so you're doing it well literally I got the email sniffing out and then I

the first thing I did was send a voice note to you two and go I'm a little bit tired right now What are you going to do now? Are you going to fire me? It's already done. It's all in the can And I went to one of the a whole bunch of us went to the filming of one of the episodes. Vaughan didn't go

So they filmed Is that being held against him? Is it a black mark against my name? They filmed all the challenges Filmed them all months in advance. Yeah. And then we came back together. To do the studio stuff. Yeah, that was May, eh?

May, June. June, yeah. And then you watch them all back and you film the in-studio stuff. And yeah, there's an audience there and they're all told, like, don't tell anyone. But they didn't really go hard on that. They didn't say, don't, you know, they kind of said, don't spoil it. But they didn't say, like, they didn't make go hard on that. They didn't say don't, you know, they kind of said don't spoil it. But they didn't say, like they didn't make us sign anything. But you were just good boys.

Yeah. So it's me, I'm in it, Hayley Sproul. And it's Abby Howells who won the Billy T not this year but last year. She was very funny. Very funny. It's Torfinger Fepuliae, who you may know from Laughing Samoans and from everything else that he does. It's Benjamin Hurley.

And it is Tom Sainsbury. Yeah, it's a good line-up. It's a great line-up. And honestly, it was. Are you the older woman? Do you know what? Yes. I went through this.

Now, if people don't know what he's referring to there, if you look at Taskmaster, there's roles, right? You can't just have like five crazy comedians. You've always got to have like the real offbeat one. There's always like older man, older woman, younger woman, and brown person. It's the one that everyone's like, I'm the brown person. I'm the brown person.

Now, sometimes they cross over. Like our older man. Oh, no, you'd say Ben Hurley is older man. Torfinger is brown person. Abby is young. Abby is young woman. Tom Sainsbury off the wall. And Hayley's older woman.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Look, I figured it out. I figured it out. I did talk with Justin Smith about the fact that I've been cast in the older woman role. You were on the show. I'm on the show. It's your dream come true.

It genuinely is. So now you only have to wait like a couple of weeks. Tuesday, 6th of August. It's on TVNZ2. It is August in what, two weeks? Yeah. That is insane. Yeah, my friends.

Wow. Just going to get Christmas out of the way. I remember I was in Chicago last year and this lady was like, you're from New Zealand? And I was like, yes. And she's like, oh my God, I love Taskmaster New Zealand. I was like, what? So many people. I was like, yeah, it's insane

how many people watch Taskmaster New Zealand from all around the world. They love it. They love it in the UK, the Kiwi one. They love it in Australia. They love it in America. Yeah, they do. I know. I'm about to hit, I hate to say it, global fame. I'm about to reach

levels of fame second to none. And if you and your business would like to go to the place where Taskmaster is filmed, I'll contact my wife, NZ Shade on Instagram because she's working there now. Yeah. She's working at that event

space. So this is a little plug for her because I want her to keep this job. Yeah. Do you know what's interesting about that venue? When we were filming there, on two occasions, people just rocked up and they're Taskmaster fans who were travelling New Zealand

from overseas and they'll be like are they filming Taskmaster fans who were travelling New Zealand from overseas. And they'd be like, are they filming Taskmaster at the moment? And then one day we let one of them in. He was such a super fan that they were like, yeah. Oh, my God. And he came in on my day. Because most people would go to Hobbiton. Hobbiton, yeah. They went to West Auckland where they film it.

And they'd just rock up and they'd try to see, like, who's in. But it's weird how many people come from overseas because Viva La Dirt League, we used to work with Alan and Rowan from Viva La Dirt League and they used to use the outside of Playtech, the store to film their thing. The guy who owns Playtech would come out, can I help you?

They're like, oh no, we're just doing the Viva Tour. And they just go around New Zealand finding places where it's been filmed. That's so cool. That's the magic of social media. Wild, eh? Not all the hatred and racism and stuff. I like to think of the magic of social media as that. Nerds. Yeah, nerds from around the world.

Yeah. Well, amazing. Well, the new season of Taskmaster, two weeks away. Yeah, Tuesday, 6th of August, 7.30 on 2, and then it plays again on Wednesday. I'm so excited. I'm unhinged. I lose my mind.

Okay. Yeah, for sure I lose my mind Okay Yeah for sure I lose my mind Looking forward to it I was in Christchurch This weekend Performing at the piano I did my show

Wild Flutters Thanks to everyone who came It was really Lovely audiences Very naughty audiences Actually Okay I had to open late

Both times Because they were Hooning the bar. Oh, you're naughty as in they weren't on time and they didn't take their seats and stuff? No, no, naughty as in, boy, oh, boy, the stories we shared together. Oh, yeah. If you've seen the show, you'll know.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun. But a couple of things. One was I, well, flying home yesterday, I was quite tired. And it was a really empty flight for the last Sunday of the school holidays. You mean that flight that I looked up that was $400 one way was empty? Literally empty. Interesting. Like, if they were laying in a cost-of-living crisis, a $400 ticket, isn't selling?

Wasn't selling. There were rows and rows of empty seats. Like, imagine if they'd made that ticket say a hundred and something dollars. Fletch, my brain would tell me

that more people would have bought them. Also like crazy over the weekend because you like went to Christchurch and came back in between fog

and all the IT meltdowns. Through the fog, yeah. Like you nailed it. I left in fog and then yesterday I was in the, I was in the I was in the

Kauru Lounge okay wow must be nice and work pays for it and what are we

gold elite gold elite over here is trying to be an everyday man talk to Jade status over here talk to Jade status old Jadey over there

yeah but through the windows at the Christchurch Kauru Lounge it was nothing you could not see a thing. And everyone was texting me being like, you're not going to take off. And then they just did. They just ploughed through and then we're on top of the

fog. But on my flight, I was sort of near the front because again, I'm a Kauru member. Work pace. And I went on first and I was in the window seat. I was in A and then quite an attractive man was in C.

Oh, wow. And there was an empty seat between us because again, they were close to $500 a seat. So what I'm working out is that not only is this man attractive, boy's got money because he's on this flight. Oh yeah, he can afford a $500 ticket. Anyway, I sort of said hello.

Unless he got a grab a seat at $49 and he's not rich. Could be a povo up the front. Anyway, he sat down and I had a little looky poo and I was like, nice. He was a bit older than me, but oh yeah, like, oh yum. And then I put in my headphones and I was listening to, I don't know, probably something terrible, a book or a podcast.

And I couldn't fall asleep. And I'd been up since three. I couldn't fall asleep. And I was like, damn, I'm not sleeping. Cut to me going like this, like this. And I woke up and I had woken myself up with like a roaring snore. Yeah. And the rumble of the plane wasn't loud enough to drown it out

because my first thought was like, look at the guy. And he was looking and laughing at me. Oh, yeah. Wow. So you really impressed the hot guy. Really? Just that a fair brewing will not be going in his direction and it's got nothing to do with me.

Anyway, so that was embarrassing. And then there was another point at which I because I had lots of plans, but all my friends sort of kept bailing on me. Okay. In Christchurch. And so I spent a lot of time by myself in my hotel room. Right. And

at one point I was enjoying a nap. Yep. Just some relaxation and a nap. And someone just started trying to get into my room. Like straight up was like opening the door, like clinging the door. And I could hear them like swiping their card against the door and like trying to get in. And I just, without getting into too much detail, it would have been a terrible thing for them to have entered the room at that time. Because you said nap and relaxation and I didn't want to like dwell on it too hard.

But we know what that's called. And you got that in the wrong order. You're always relaxation before you nap. Because you said nap and relaxation and I didn't want to dwell on it too hard, but we know what that's called. And you got that in the wrong order. You're always relaxation before you nap. Before you nap. It helps you nap to fully relax. I imagine someone would have bust in and then I heard them say oh god, it's the wrong room and then open the room next door. And then the next morning I, how do I, you might have seen this

on my social media, but. We have another little relax. I was having a small relax. And I kept hearing this like and i was like what's that i was like there's my phone there's my other phone yeah and there's my other phone that vibrates my other vibrating phone and then i was like sniffing around the room like what is someone dropped something in here? Which is when I learnt that the walls in this hotel were so paper thin.

I can hear the person's next door's alarm. That's what it was. And throughout the night I could hear them every time they'd get a message like that. Oh my God, what are they sleeping with Vibrate on for? Who are they, my wife? With Vibrate on, turn it off. I sleep with Vibrate on.

No, turn it off. I know. But it off. I sleep with vibrate on. No, turn it off. I know. But it just gave me a heads up that I can hear their text messages. Oh. So they can probably hear you on the phone. And boy oh boy,

my phone was inundated with text messages all weekend. Yeah, your phone just seemed to continually vibrate. I was like, calls. I was getting calls on calls on calls on calls and I was ignoring them because I was like, calls. Oh, you were getting calls. Calls on calls on calls on calls. And I was ignoring them because I was like, hey, I'm trying to have a nap and relax. Thin walls.

Thin walls. I didn't know that hotel had thin walls. Well, if you were at the Crown and you were on level eight, that was me. That was me. Is that an apology? It's an official apology. Official apology. Phone on silent next time. It was me. Is that an apology? It's an official apology. Official apology.

Phone on silent next time. Phone on silent. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Wow, okay. This week's theme at Fact of the Day is things that had to change their names. Oh, it's Monday. Okay.

Yeah, it's a new theme. It's a new theme. And today we're dealing with cars that had to change their names. Oh, okay. I'm going to start with the Rolls Royce Silver Mist. The Rolls Royce, of course, the finest in British engineering. I don't think I've ever been in a Rolls Royce of course the finest in British engineering I don't think I've ever been in a Rolls Royce I've never

but was it was it that a Rolls Royce downstairs that big ugly purple thing yes oh my god it was hideous because Rolls Royces

have those big nose or the big grill across the front yeah usually I see a Rolls if it's like silver or black you're like

that's pretty cool but this one was like this garish grimace purple yeah and the leather interior was like this garish, grimace purple. Yeah. And the leather interior was purple as well. Was it grimace? Look, if it was grimace driving it, apologies.

Because that would make so much sense. That would make so much sense. If you and Barney the Dinosaur were commuting to work in a big purple Rolls Royce, you've both been around for ages, you've earned your money. And Tinky Winky. Tinky Winky. He's allowed to be in the back. Okay, we need one more

purple character the purple wiggle purple wiggle of course the original purple wiggle Jeff imagine those four catching up

he better not be in the front because he'll be asleep and if you're a sleeping passenger you go in the back yeah if you're a passenger at the front you've got to stay awake

talk to the driver oh you have to that's your role otherwise get in the back yeah so I'm imagining Grimace is driving so he's kind of the alpha of the situation.

Yep. Yeah. Then Tinky Winky's in the back with Jeff and Barney's up front. 100%. Barney's in charge of the tunes. God, that's so annoying. Because Barney would have, I reckon, I'll say it, Barney would have a fire playlist.

Yeah, yeah. It would be a mixture of like metal, Springsteen, hip hop, Taylor. You know, like it would be a good mix. And then he plays Erykah Badu's Tyrone the live version and it sets the road trip off. Erykah Badu's live version of Tyrone.

Anyway, the Rolls Royce Silver Mist was not the big purple garish monster that we saw parked downstairs at work. But it also wasn't called the Rolls Royce Silver Mist for long. It became the Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow, as the main export market for Rolls-Royce outside of the UK was Germany, and mist translates to shit in Germany.

Silver shit. So it was the Rolls-Royce Silver Shit. Mist. Yeah. That's a fancy-looking car. So they had to change that. To Silver Shadow. That wasn't going to work.

Now this one, the next one that had to change its name, this was a classic growing up. In the 1990s, every family that total horse float or had a boat or just had too many children, not too many. Is it the Mitsubishi? It was the Mitsubishi Pajero. Pajero.

Pajero. A-hole? Pajero. Wanker in Spanish. Is it? So the Mitsubishi marketed the Pjero as the Montero in North America, Spain and Latin America, except for Brazil because they speak Portuguese. Yes, they do.

And Jamaica, it was also known as the pejero in Jamaica. In the UK, it was called the shogun. Okay. But why did they just keep it in New Zealand? None of our Spanish speakers. Yeah, they were like, oh, well, they don't know. Fletch does. Yeah, I've done Duolingo.

Thanks to Duolingo. Thanks to Duolingo. Fletch speaks Spanish. Not up to car models yet. Right. Not there. I'll get there. That's next month.

But could you call someone a pajero? Is that the correct pronunciation? Well, the J, you don't hit it. The J's are H's. Other than when you say jalepeños. Jalepeños. Lovely, delicious jalepeño. Yeah.

But the Mitsubishi Pajero had to be changed to the Montero. And then it never really took off after the name change, so they canned it, and there hasn't been one in North America since. Oh. So they're just not doing it anymore. Also a tosa in Spanish. Tosa, yeah. T. So they're just not doing it anymore. Yeah. Also a tosse in Spanish. Tossa, yeah.

Tossa. You're tossing it. You're tossing your salad. It's the same as the W word, isn't it? So tomorrow we're looking at places that had to change their names. Oh, okay. Like Mumbai. No, Bombay.

They changed. No, I was thinking that just. Saigon. Saigon. Thai. No, Bombay. No, I was thinking that just- Saigon. Saigon. Thai. No. Bohemia. Siam became Thailand.

No, but it's not like they changed it because of a change. They changed- They wanted to change it. There's a small Canadian town named after a hate symbol. I'll say that much. And will they change their name? We'll find out tomorrow on Fact of the Day. But today's Fact of the Day is the Rolls Royce Silver Mist and the Mitsubishi Pajero had to change their name? We'll find out tomorrow on Fact of the Day. But today's Fact of the Day is the Rolls Royce Silver Mist

and the Mitsubishi Pajero had to change their names in certain countries because of how it translated. Fact of the Day, day, day, day, day. I reckon this would happen a lot in this industry because what you guys don't know, and this is a bit of bald privilege here, is that hair is very expensive, especially for women. Even guys' haircuts. What does a guy's haircut cost?

It's ridiculous. I can go to the barber's and get my beard trimmed for $20 and it takes twice as long as somebody else gets a haircut. It costs them $45. Nobody tell the barbers. That's too cheap. Yeah, darling, $45 is cute to pay for a haircut. I've paid, I reckon the most I've ever paid,

and it was a big job. I think I went from dark hair to light hair and everything was like 450 maybe. Jesus! Yeah, my dudes. Well, there has been. And then if you've got

light hair, you've got to go every couple of weeks to get your roots and whatnot. Unless you just let yourself go like I am. There's been a hairdresser

that's had an I told you so moment and this is what we wanted to talk about this morning. Those moments when you had an I told you so moment. You gave them some wanted to talk about this morning. Those moments when you had an I told you so moment. You gave them some advice. Now this hairdresser

the advice, her client wanted to get some hair extensions but she has a difficult coloured hair like it's a real kind of plummy red colour. And she said the client was talking to her about the fact that she wanted hair extensions but she didn't have the money for them so she was going to get some cheap ones put in.

And the hairdresser said to her, these are going to look bad. They will not blend. They will not match your colour. And then the girl said, I'm going to do it anyway. And then she comes back to her hairdresser and shows her what it looks like. And it's like there's a wig sitting under a wig.

Like the colour is so different that ain't nobody buying that. And so then the girl ends up back at the hairdresser being like, can you fucks up? Ends up paying the money to get it done properly in the first place. Therefore, the hairdresser says, I told you so. I told you so. Ouch.

You love an I told you so. I like, there's one thing better than I told you so. It's when you don't even need to say I told you so. I look. Just a lot. Oh, Vaughn Allen. I got that. I like that shit loaded and ready to go all the time.

I hate being on the receiving end. Oh, you know, I'll tell you who else does. My wife. Yeah, I bet. And especially when something goes wrong. Yeah. I hate it so much. Well, this is what we want to know is when did you have an I told you so moment?

Or maybe you were on the receiving end. Do you reckon the woman who sung the anthem at the All Blacks Fiji game afterwards, somebody said, I told you you should have just done it normal? Vaughan, be kind. It was the most shocking. It was not as bad as the American one.

I reckon it was on par. No. At my feet in my heart. I mean, could you have done better? I think I am. I think I am. I love we hid me. Yeah, maybe I told you so. I told you she'd have just gone simple.

Oh, it's worn. Worn. calls. Born. Born. Nice. Someone did their absolute best. Okay, we want to take your calls. 0800.ZM is our number. You can text through 9696. When did you have an I told you so moment?

Or you were on the receiving end of it. I mean, I don't think that people are going to admit to being on the receiving end of an I told you so. No. It means that you have to admit. Because it hurts even more. It hurts even more. Unless you're a double I told you so. Someone says to you, I told you so,

and then it turns out that you told them so. What? They're like, don't do that. It'll be a waste of time. Yeah. Or like like a game of- Don't do that. It'll be a waste of time. Yeah. Or like, okay, just chucking it out there. Purely hypothetically,

let's just say someone wanted to spend $40,000 on an acting degree. And then at the end of it- And what did you say? And they may perhaps have less supporting of parents and their parents would be like, don't do that. It's a waste of money.

Then you come out, six months, no acting gigs, they're like, told you so. And then you become as successful as me. Because you're a bit more picky about your projects.

Then you become globally famous. And then you can say, told you so, told you so. Right. And then it all drives up after Taskmaster. Yeah,

because you say something vaguely racist. I told you so. Hang on, this is spiralling. This is spiralling. Okay, 0800 TARLES at MSN number. You can text through 9696.

When did you have an I told you so moment? We're talking about your I told you so moments. When you had, I mean, maybe you didn't even need to say the words I told you so. You've got a face ready to go like Vaughan. Jackie, what was your I told you so moment? Good morning, team. I actually had two moments. Well, pick your best one, Jackie.

We're short on time. And with the husband, first time we were driving off to our dinner and I said to him, be careful. There's normally traffic cops down in the dip. Needless to say, I didn't have to say I told you so once he got pulled over. You just had to have that look ready. I just looked forward, and the second time was another one driving, saying, careful, there's normally traffic cops.

And again, he sped up instead of slowing down. Wait a minute. So he just didn't ignore your advice. He absolutely went against it. Exactly. Exactly. Needless to say, he's up 60 demerit points. I was going to say, 60 demerit points.

You're going to need to drop him off at work soon. Holy moly. You'll be driving soon, Jackie. Thank you. Charlotte, when did you have an I told you so moment? Good morning. It was actually my mum's hand and I told you so moment. So I really wanted to go get my nose pierced

but I'm terrified of needles and she told me that I regretted if I did it and sure enough I put the needle in, I fainted and then I fell all over that floor so it was instant regret. Wait, you fainted, and then I broke all over that floor, so it was instant regret. Wait, you fainted? Wait, did they even, like, did you end up getting the nose piercing put in?

Yeah, yeah, but then it got torn out, like, three months later. No! Wait, how did it get torn out? How did it get torn out? It got tangled in a fluffy pillow. Oh, my God, yeah. I used to have my nose pierced for like 10 years, and you'd always get like caught on your clothes.

You'd be like, ah! Oh, like pulling a hoodie on her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no. Mum was right. Mum's no. Yeah.

Mum's nose. I told my queasy partner who... Queasy partner? He's a queasy boy. He's a queasy boy. I don't even describe him as queasy. He's got a weak stomach. He's a queasy boy.

You, although on a boat... I'm a boat. He's a queasy boy. I'm a queasy boy. He's a queasy boy I don't even describe As queasy He's got a weak stomach He's a queasy boy You although on a boat I'm a He's a queasy boy I'm a queasy boy He's a queasy boat boy I'm a queasy boat boy I told my queasy partner Not to look down there

While I was giving birth But he said I've been told I've got to Apparently it's miraculous It's beautiful He looked And he was like

Whoa Queasy boy hit the deck He fainted And all the nurses had to help him and when he came to, I was just screaming at him, I told you not to laugh. She was right, I told you so. She knows her queasy boy. Keep your I told you so moments coming in,

9696 to get to more on next. Talking about those I told you so moments. Nothing's better. I know it's bad and I know it's petty and you shouldn't like, especially you shouldn't look forward to saying it to your partner but

but it's a loophole if you don't need to say it you just give them the look yeah should have listened yeah that must be hard being perfect

it's not easy but at the same time things are harder I hurt my knee on a night out and it was so sore the next day my mum decided to take me to A&E

my dad protested and said I was a hyper contract and all I needed to do was rice. Oh, you rice it. Ice compression elevation. Yes, that's it. Turns out my knee and femur were both fractured. Jesus. Take that, dad.

I mean, you're still the one injured, so it's not as sweet as I told you, so you've got a fractured knee. Yeah. My ex-husband had dentures, and when one of the false teeth was coming loose, I told him, when I started talking, you might have heard there, I really stumbled. Because when I said dentures, I could immediately feel every single tooth in my mouth.

Yeah. Dentures. My teeth are really sensitive today. You guys think about your teeth and your tongue. Too much. And mouthful of talk. Oh, I know. Your tongue's very heavy.

You think about how heavy it is. My tongue's too wide for my mouth. It's always by everyone. It doesn't fit in my mouth. I think now that we've spoken about it, you'll find everybody in this thing will find the end. I can't breathe.

We've all stepped now. Forget about the tongue and get on with life. My ex-husband had dentures and one of the false teeths was coming loose, I told him to get it glued back in. AFAP. He didn't listen. Then we went to a costume party and two of them fell out

and went down between the deck. Oh, no. Luckily, the party was hillbilly themed. Next day, he had to turn up, but the deck was nailed down, so he had to rip up the deck deck Was it like unscrewing the deck And getting down He only ever found one idiot So that's probably why X

Yeah I told my brother Our stepmother was trying to kill our dad But he didn't believe me And I got the biggest told you so What? Now we do have some follow ups Sorry

Was there an attempt at murder? Now was we do have some follow-ups. Was there an attempted murder? Now, was there a murder? Imagine your step-mom tries to kill your dad and you're like, pound yourself. And your step-mom's like, I've booked us tickets. Oh, wow. What for? The Orient Express.

Boom, boom, boom. That was a murder. We're going to need a follow-up text on that. Let us know a little bit more about that. 340. That'd a mud. We're going to need a follow-up text on that. If you could just let us know a little bit more about that. Yeah. 340. That'd be great. Oh, no.

Against all advice, I bought my first home. I booked the longest and highest interest rate. So I knew that I was paying for five years. Now I have one of the lowest interest rates of all my... Oh. Told you so. Sorry, I thought this was going bad. Oh, my God.

I wish. Three years ago, they locked in a five-year mortgage at a higher rate when we were all like, give me a bit of 2.6. That would have been like 3.15? Yeah. Old Smithy here was waiting for it to go even lower than all-time worldwide lows.

Smithy's a greedy piece of shit who lives in the moment. Now Sprouse nearly on seven. Smitty was waiting for a minus two. Yeah, I was waiting for them to pay me money for having a crippling mortgage. It never happened though, did it? Imagine that. Good from you. My ex-husband told me so when I tried to cantilever my nine-month baby belly

over the edge of the supermarket deep freeze to get a turkey. What a sentence. Did you topple into the- I was too top-heavy and I toppled into the freezer. He wasn't impressed. It took three supermarket workers to get me out. Got the turkey for free. Why wasn't he one of the people helping to get you out?

How toppled into the freezer? How deep was the freezer? How empty was the freezer? Why couldn't you get one of the people helping to get you out? How toppled into this freezer? How deep was the freezer? How empty was the freezer? Why couldn't you get out of the freezer? And was that just like a keep quiet turkey? Like a don't report this. Yeah. Oh my God, we have an update.

Okay. This is the I told you so. This is the stepmom. Told my brother our stepmom was trying to kill our dad and he didn't believe me. I got the biggest told you so. She was poisoning him. We got legal advice and started gathering evidence,

like keeping his food and drinks. She's now taken off and we don't know where she's gone. Dad survived her attempts. What? That was an attempted murder! What the hell? What the hell? Lady poison.

Lady poison. It's always the poison with the lady. I know. Let me fix you some soup, my husband. You must be a hungry husband after such a big day, husband. Blop, blop. Earning all that money, husband. Must be hungry for soup.

A boy who earns that much money with a life insurance policy like yours must love soup. I say it now. Oh, my God. That's crazy. That is not what I expected. No. To hear. My boyfriend and I were at Glaston God. That's crazy. That is not what I expected. No. To hear. My boyfriend and I were at Glastonbury at the silent disco.

He was gnawing and chewing on a glow stick. Now I told him. I think he's had a Pepsi. He's had some nose Pepsis. He's had a couple of nose Pepsis. I told him he should not be doing that. Next minute he split it open and the glow liquid squirted in his eyes and he was yelling out, babe, it burns.

That's stuff. What even is that? I told you so. Ah. I was at the hospital midwife. The where? The hospital. I was at the hospital.

I was at the hospital. And a couple of glow sticks, mate. I told the hospital midwife I was in full-blown labour, like almost ready to push it out. You should have stopped it. It's my fat tongue. It's my fat tongue. It's my fat tongue.

When you know, when you feel it, you know it's time to push. You know, you know. I was ready to push it out. She offered me a Panadol and said, calm down. I demanded I be checked. Boom, I was nine be checked. Boom. I was nine centimetres dilated. Oh, God.

Five minutes later, my nine-pound son was born after my waters broke all over. That midwife's nice clean shoes. Told you so. Told you so. That's great. Oh, no. There's more. What do you want?

One more. Do we need to go? What is it, after nine? Okay. Yes. Where is this one? Where is this one? Where is this one? It's a good one.

I can't believe someone messaged in about their stepmom trying to poison their dad. That was wild. Hey. That was crazy. Oh, where has it gone? It was good. It was about... Tell me the juxt of it.

No, I panicked and now I can't remember anything. Well, we'll leave it there then. No, I remember it now. I think we'll leave it there. I showed my friend. We clipped on and replied, but it's disappeared. I can't. Here it is.

I showed my mates a Tinder match. Oh, cute. She's like, she's well out of your league. And I said, yeah, I know, but she's matched with me. They told me that's likely to be a fake profile. I was like, I'm going to take my chances. And I agreed to meet up with Tinder match. It turned out to be a fake profile. I was like, I'm going to take my chances. And I agreed to meet up with Tinder Match. Right.

It turned out to be a dude. Oh, God. With a lot of cash who was into men. And his whole thing was... What? He'd get you there under the pretense of being an attractive female and then offer you a ton of cash to do sex stuff. Would you?

Would you? The profile was fake, but the money was real. And so what did they do? They did the stuff with the money. No, they don't. They don't go into too many details. More information, please. We're going to need a follow-up on that.

Did you do the things for the money? But then, so who got the told you so? They got the told you so. The friends got the told you so. The friends got the told you so. Why? But it wasn't the hot chick. Yeah, they said it was going to be fake.

They said it was going to be fake. And this was fake. I'm going to take the chance. Yeah, okay. But then they might even get a told you so back to the friends because they're like, I just made 10 grand.

10 grand. Really? How did you make 10 grand? I don't know what to talk about. Yeah. We can't mention it. I don't want to talk about it. Now my tongue doesn't fill in my mouth.

Wet hair Georgia Burt is up next. Big wet hair fat tongue Georgia Burt, baby. Have you tried it? Oh. Great work, guys. 10 out of 10 if I say so myself. I do a 9.6. Is that enough for you to review this podcast with a high rating

and then tell all your friends? You sound very insincere. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.