ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 23rd August 2024

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

Fletch, The Dining Table  Top 6: Beauty Trends  Silly Little Poll!  Final Rankings: Rice!  Auntie Hayley  What attacked your Genitals?  Gay Penguins!Hayleys Bin Mission  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Who are these 21% of New Zealanders that have voted for Trump? I have a feeling they're not here listening to us. Move to America.

They might be listening. Good morning to our Trump fans. Good morning. We're all Trumpaholics. We're all entitled to our own. Do they have a collective? I don't know. My lovely lady Trumps.

Yes. My lovely lady Trumps. I think they call them. My Trumps. My Trumps. Sounds nice. My lovely lady Trumps. Check it out.

Don't know. Top six coming up soon. Wrote it last night. Holy, he's prepared. Does he want a round of applause? No, that means I forgot what it is. So I had to check. Top six beauty trends you should actually try.

Okay. I read an article last night on the New Zealand Herald's beauty part. Yeah. Viva, I think it's pronounced. Viva. Viva. Viva. And I was like, these don't sound helpful at all.

So I've got the top six beauty trends you should try, preferably this weekend, and then stick to them. Oh, this is great. From you, Vaughan Smith, a beauty expert. I love improving my hair. You know me, I can always spot a minger. And if you don't want to make my top ten minger list, you're a natural beauty ten.

Natural beauty. No, it's got nothing to do with natural beauty. Oh, right. None of these makeup tips, because if you had natural beauty,. Natural beauty. These tips. No, it's got nothing to do with natural beauty. Oh, right. None of these makeup tips. Because if you had natural beauty, you wouldn't need it. But, like us. Yeah. No makeup in the studio this morning.

Yeah, we were raw dogging today. I can't even open my mouth properly today, but no makeup required. We've got a chance for you to go in the draw. Brian Clint will do this draw this afternoon to see Sabrina Carpenter live in LA. So we'll give you a couple of chances on the show. Make sure you listen out for the Mother Trucker Activator. It's coming up. Yesterday, I was weighed, and I have a new measurement.

Yeah. I would like to discuss this new measurement next. Interesting. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Yesterday, I went to the doctors. They're doing like free cardiovascular checkups. Oh, fun.

Vascular. Free. Yeah, free. How do they do it? Well, I don't know. The nurse does it. Big heart. Big heart.

Big heart paying for it. They just like sent me an email. Doctors don't do something for nothing. I know. That's why I was like, I'm going to do it. Yeah. I'm going for a free cardiovascular. Yeah.

What do they do? Well, it was real quick. It's just you go and they do your weight. Oh, no. I'm out. I'm going for a free cardiovascular. Yeah, so you got- What do they do? Well, it was real quick. It's just you go and they do your weight. Oh, no. I'm out. I'm out. Don't you dare ask me how much I weigh. You know that thing they put around your arm and it goes-

Yeah, blood pressure. And then you're just like- And then you can hear your heart go- Sometimes I'm like, that's too tight. I know, it's real tight. Sometimes you're like, that's actually just absurd. And then they let it out, it goes- There's an automatic machine.

Last time I had that done, it was all automatic. I have had it done with an automatic. It's a bit weird. Did they go old school? Old school. Probably because you were getting it for free. For free. Didn't want to use the machine.

I don't know. And then I went for a blood test afterwards. Still got some? Yeah, still got some. That's why I've got a dot on my good vein. Oh, I just assumed you were doing heroin now. Yeah. I saw the track.

This all just sounds like a bullshit backstory to get away with a heroin track mark. And then they tell you your cholesterol and blah, blah, blah. I guess it's just a marker to see how you're doing. Are we all good? Well, I think so. Right. Yeah.

You got your blood back. I got my weight because she did my height and weight. I'm 186cm I've always thought I was 185 Did you have shoes on? I had my Birkin socks on Have you straightened up? You had your Birkin socks on?

Yeah It was very summery I had shorts, t-shirt Did you take them off for the height measurement? No Well that's your extra centimetre I didn't want to stand You leave your shoes on

No I don't You always sit raw down at the floor Sucks at the most It's not a fix up No because I didn't want to stand You leave your shoes on No I don't You always Sucks at the most Sucks at the most I'm not a fixer No because I didn't want to I was in bare feet I always thought I was 185 centimetres

But it turns out In shoes I'm taller Yeah okay It's like you're The little brother Who's big brother's Puberty is growing

So you wear shoes When you get Marked against the wall I've got an extra Centimetre thing So my broken stock We have a centimetre sole Yeah

I do have a sixre sole. Yeah. Oh no, I do have a six inch penis when I grab it and pull it right out. Everyone knows you measure from the balls, Vaughn. Yeah, you measure from the back of the balls. Push the back. Push the back of the balls, yep. To full tug extension. But so anyway,

so 85 kgs. Well done. Left my Birkenstocks on for that too. Did you? So we'll call that 84.4. We'll call that 84.4 maybe. You know you're confident in your weight when you're doing it fully clothed. The shoes on.

I'm always just like, you want to weigh me? I'm going to need to get completely naked. In the morning, I'm going to take a poop. I'm going to be naked. No water on board. Fresh from a massive overnight wee. The nurse has to leave the room so you can be fully naked. These scales are definitely out. Anyway, so I had my weight, 85, and later this year.

Really sad that number a lot, isn't he? Really wants us to know he's doing well. No, no, no, because. He's ripped. I'm around that. Later in the year, I'm doing the heafy track with Dr. Shawnee, our friend Dr. Shawnee, Jared, and another one of his friends. And I'm kind of tagging on. This is a trip that they wanted to do.

Are you bitching about it now or are you going to save it for later? No, I'm not bitching. Oh, you're bitching about them. Oh, no, we're doing split wines. We're doing split wines. What's that? I'll talk about it later.

But that wasn't even what you were bitching about. You were like, why am I traveling with people who muck around? No, we've got accommodation organized. There was a bit of mucking around. You know me, I like to organize things far out. Anyway, so...

Far calmer than he was yesterday. Part of this hike... What was that blood pressure rate when you were dealing with Dr. Shawnee and the accommodation issue? No, Dr. Shawnee and me have been wanting to book the accommodation. Some people have been.

Some. There's only two others. Don't you dare blame Gerard. Anyway, part of this hike, at the end of it, is we're getting a small plane to... Oh, yeah. Because the Heafy Trek ends on the West Coast and it's either a 6K drive, but they had already booked a flight.

So I, because I'm joining this trip later, I had to book one as well. And so you have to give this plane your weight. Yep. Right. It's that small. I messaged Dr. Shawnee yesterday saying... I'd be like, send me a sh... Just sit me over the wing. Okay, this is

how Alia died in a plane crash. Yeah, I know. Singer in the... When was that crash? Like 2001? Yeah, overshadowed. Overshadowed by September 11th. Yeah, overloaded the plane. Yeah. You can't lie about your weight on these. No, it's like a bungee jump. If you lie about your weight... I'm going on

a helicopter next week. Are you? And they wanted my weight and I was like, how specifically? Do you want it six months ago? They asked for it six weeks ago. I was like,

in six weeks time I could be 5kgs more or 5kgs less. That's how I play, baby. That's why I messaged Dr. Chorney because I was like, fuel, still 85kgs.

Yeah. Because even if we have like extra kgs, you've got to pay for it or any extra baggage and stuff. I'm just like, oh my god. Because money makes the plane work better. That's what I love about excess baggage. That's the mind-blowing,

blind-blind thing about physics. Is that money circumnavigates everything. But I'm like, I don't want to blow out to 88 and then have to pay an extra 3kgs of arse tags, basically. And anyway, he messaged back and he had, because he's a doctor, put it into this BMI and was like, oh, look at you with your 24.6 BMI. Oh, that's good.

I was like, oh, okay. That's borderline not being okay. Yeah. I know that's like, I'm only just. You're in the shape of your life and BMI is still like, nah, could be better, fatty. I'm like 400 grams or a pair of Birkenstocks away from being- But overweight.

Or like not normal. But then actually, actually, the Birkenstocks also give you that extra height and BMI is off height and weight. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, kind of balances itself out. But anyway, next to my BMI was something I wanted to talk about now because I was like, what?

So my BMI is 24.6 and next to it, my body surface area is 2.10 metres squared. 2.1. What have we laid you out? 2.10, have you ever been on a building site? 2.1. No. It's 2.10.

I don't know, Maud. It's 2.10. I don't know, Maud. I don't measure things. But you were saying if you stretched me out, I would be like... If we peeled you or skinned you like a... Like a beer rug. Like if I was a beer rug, I'd be 2 metres. Yeah, but it includes all of it.

Underside, overside, everywhere. A better way would be to say if we had to paint you, we'd go to Mitre 10, we'd go to the paint desk and we'd say we've got something to paint that's 2.10 metres squared. And they'd say 2.10 and I'd say, yeah, I'm an idiot. I'd say 2.1, I'd say 2.10. And they'd say, you're an unusual chap. And I'd be like, and I need to paint myself.

So if we were to paint you, we would need the paint equivalent of... Yeah, that's what it's saying on this calculator. Your surface area is the same surface area as the top of a standard dining table, which is two metres by one metre. Are you calling me fat? You're the size of a table. How did you know? But wait, yeah, you're right.

It was on the calculator. So we couldn't use you as a table. When he dies, we can't stuff him and use him as a table. Very impractical. What a strange measurement to have. Yeah, it was just on this BMI calculator. I found the formula. It is as follows.

Body surface area equals 0.007184. Why? Yeah, producer Jared, he's only 1.73. Yeah, so he's a coffee table. He's a tiny coffee table. He's a little side table. Okay, so if you at home want to play along, I don't know where they get this 0.0067.

Nope, nope, that's not at all it. 007184 times height in metres. So like point. There's literally a website that does this for you. I know, I was looking at it. There's literally a website that does it for you. Times my weight. Are you talking about a calculator you dip?

There's a website. That can't be right because I'm only 1.2. I am slight. Hang on. I'm going to do mine. Hang on. Drug dosage. What?

We can do this in our own time. No. The people must know who's a better coffee table They must know who's the biggest table It's MedCalc or whatever the website is MedMDCalc.com is where this BMI

was from I'm 2.16 is how I'd say it So I'm a big table, big family I'm a big table It's family. She's a big family. I'm a big table, are you? It's given me

a whole lot of different ones. Does it include my boobies? Because that's surface area. How does it know these things? I'm 2.2 as well. I'm 2.16. Or 2.16 as old dum-dum would say.

2.16. 2.160. Guys, I went to a DSL1 primary school. You.16. 2.160. Guys, I went to a DSL1 primary school. You can't be mean to me. I've seen it and I did pretty good. You've done so good, babes. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, from early, in quotation marks, early 2025,

the European Union is going to introduce a visa. Well, that's fine because that's at least 20 years away. No, 2025 is next year. So yeah, if you're travelling to Europe from next year, if you're doing the European holiday. Why are they doing that?

You guys recently went to Europe. Why do they need to do that? With a Kiwi passport. I remember when I landed in Spain, the guy didn't even look at me, just stamped the passport and gave it back to Europe. Why do they need to do that? With a Kiwi passport. I remember when I landed in Spain, the guy didn't even look at me, just stamped the passport and gave it back to me. I was passing through in like five seconds. Same. I landed in France and same thing.

I tried to speak a bit of French to him. He was so uninterested. Just stamp it and go. Just get out of here. Just go. So it's going to cost seven euros. It's going to last for three years. So it's a bit like getting an Esther if you've ever travelled to America.

But this will last three years. Oh, that's good. Yeah, seven euros. So what's that, like 12, 13 New Zealand dollars? Oh, that's fine. That's fine. For three years. For three years?

They're not stinging you. And if you're over 70, you don't have to do it. Or under 18. So if you've got grandparents or parents, you're not going to have to punishfully set that up. It's not going to be a punish to sort that out for them. Nanny, you need your identification. Why?

I'm over 18. Oh, God. Yeah, Nanny. She's not going to Europe. And if she is, it'll be the one time I go and I'll be stuck behind her in the line. And I'll have to be patient. Top six is next on the show. Top six beauty trends you might actually want to try.

This is great. Yeah. I'll be listening to this. Yeah, well, I think you should. I've got six great points. Wait, hang on, what? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. You warned me, and I'm still not ready. He did, didn't he? He said top six is next, and I was like all over it, and I'm not. And then I got distracted. You said it was last night, you wrote it. Sharon just sent a link to this house that's for sale in Onehunga.

And it's like this wild looking, it doesn't look like it should be in suburban Auckland. Yeah, it does look like a money pit, which is your dream home. That's me, that's my style. But that's how I got distracted. But anyway, there was an article. Jared, don't distract Vaughan, please. There was an article. You know he's easily distracted.

So easily distracted. Especially on Friday. Friday. More like Friday. Especially on Friday. Friday. More like Friday. Today. Yeah, today. I said that TGIF on Wednesday. I, all week has felt like a Friday and today feels like a Tuesday. So I'm super excited that

it is actually a Friday. Okay. Six beauty trends you'll actually want to try. Okay, blush to new heights, next gen stained lip, spider lashes. Don't try that. It looks stupid. I mean, do what you want.

You're your own woman or man who likes to. Don't let me tell you. Hold on to the rope, Vaughn. You're stumbling. Mod me. Scrunch eye, glitter color shifting, blah, blah, blah. I've got the top six makeup trends, beauty trends you actually should try. This is great advice from you, Vaughn.

Yeah, number six. You take beauty so seriously. Number six on the list. Why can't we just go out without you spending an hour in the bathroom? I see. Number five on the list

of the top six beauty trends you should actually try. How about the makeup trend that doesn't involve you huffing and puffing as I have a shower that fogs up the mirror in the bathroom

that you said I had to have a shower before we went out and you're telling me to do it now and then I do it and then you're angry at me because I'm fogging up the mirror. How about that beauty trend? Give that one a go this weekend. I feel like this is directed quite straight at one person. She's not even awake.

Number four on the list of the top six beauty trends you actually want to try. The beauty trend of just picking an outfit and going with it, not trying on 15 of them and getting shit at me with it I don't love. Every single one. The first one, I said fine. I said that looks fine. Fine?

That looks fine. Babe, what do you think about this? It looks fine. So disappointing. What do you want me to say? You look amazing. Oh my god My beautiful wife

I cannot believe The majestic vision I can't say that You can't say that You look hot I can't That's nice You look really hot

Bourne can't do sincere No just You look hot She'll think I'm being sarcastic Yeah then she'll be like Stop trying to get in my pants Yeah Yeah

Yeah okay Number three on the list Of the top six beauty trends you actually might want to try. The beauty trend of just brushing your hair, not taking hours to either curl or straighten it. Because those are two very different ends of the, and sometimes she'll be like straightening it

and she'll be like, actually, I'm going to curl it. So she's just taking the curl out with a straight in and now she's going back past where she was to make it curlier. And in the meanwhile, molting. Like an Alsatian. Just everywhere. The hair is everywhere.

Number two on the list of the top six beauty trends you actually might want to try. The beauty trend of who you actually try to impress. I said you look nice without makeup, and yet here we are with a full face of it. It's not about impressing people. Who is this for? That's not for with a full face of it. It's not about impressing people. Who is this for? That's not for you.

It's for her. It's not. Who is it for? Number one, if I was doing it, I'm just saying, there'd be questions. Oh yeah.

There'd be questions. Number one on the list of the top six beauty trends you might actually want to try. The beauty trend where the stuff you're spreading all over your face and wearing on your body

doesn't cost a small fortune and end up smeared all over the towel so it looks like someone shat on them. That would be a pretty great beauty trend where the stuff you're spreading all over your face and wearing on your body doesn't cost a small fortune and end up smeared all over the towel so it looks like someone shat on them. That would be a pretty great beauty trend that you should all try. Right. Yeah. Okay. It's just kind of like, oh, my God. This is constant.

Can you clean up your side of the bed? You've left clothes there. And I walk into the bathroom and it's just like, someone has exploded. There's a fire. There's shit. There's wet wipes with poo stains on them. Somehow it walk into the bathroom and it's just like, boof. There's a fire. There's shit. There's wet wipes with poo stains on them. Somehow it's on the mirror. The sink's stained. But it's

definitely the clothes that I'm going to wear again tomorrow beside the bed that are making this house a filthy shit heap. That's today's Top 6. I see how this will annoy you as an avid traveller as someone who loves to just get out of the airport and get to the destination

it's called the airport tray aesthetic I hadn't seen this before it's big on TikTok and what it is is everyone is you know when you go through security and you've got to dip all your drop all your stuff into a tray before you go through the belt, the

scanner, you make it look aesthetic. Oh, no. So you put like your cute shoes and your passport and your little handbag and your sunglasses and your camera and your little smutty book and you lay it all out so it looks really pretty and cool. And you take a photo. And you take a photo of being like. Is this the new way of announcing you're going on a trip?

I'm travelling. Yeah, a bit of that.. And you take a photo. And you take a photo of being like. Is this the new way of announcing you're going on a trip? I'm travelling. Yeah, a bit of that. A bit of that. Also, you've got a gutsy wallet or something. Oh, yeah. You got a gutsy. People with gutsy's love hoisting a gutsy into the photo. Like your normal stance would be your arms down,

but they're like, wait, where are we cutting this off? Because gutsy's got to be in there. Yeah, gutsy. I mean, we're a Deadly Ponies trio. But we just chuck it in. Yeah, I just chuck it in. It's got to be in. Yeah, Gachi. I mean, we're a Deadly Ponies trio. But we just chuck it in. Yeah, I just chuck it in. It's just in my bag. But this is the thing,

like if I take my handbag on a flight, I just dump the whole handbag into the tray. I'm not pulling out the cute bits, like a little perfume bottle and a little book and stuff. Your battery pack, maybe some like chuddy gum wrappers.

A lighter that's somehow in your pocket that you're like, oh, I don't know how that got in there. You're allowed that as long as you keep it on your person, right? You keep it on your person. Better than on your baggage. Yeah, and then your toiletries are in some horrendous sort of Ziploc bag.

But then it's not just people doing this at the airport holding up the line because Shannon was saying people are buying these trays online. Well, I don't know where you buy an airport tray from. Security tray. A security tray. And they're doing these at home. Yeah, well, like you said, people get annoyed at the airports. And I know a lot of airports, you can't have your phone

out in that area. Well, they don't like it. Yeah. So I think people have just taken to Amazon, I believe. Are you upset? Doing fake ones. Yeah, doing photo shoots at home. Because so many people are commenting, being like, I would be fuming if I was stuck

behind someone in a line and they were aesthetically laying out their tray. Oh my god, people muck around as it is. I know. People muck around as it is. I know. Be ready. Okay, here's a tray. Oh, it cannot be shipped

to New Zealand, but you can buy them on Amazon. A security screening bin, DSA grey bin. 100%. What? And then you lay it all out with your little nod to where you're going and people are sharing them online. I mean, I'd actually prefer, not that I would ever do it, but I'd actually prefer people buy a tray and do it at home.

And then when we get there, we can all disagree that an airport is a place in which we can be both drunk in the morning and look terrible. Like it's not about aesthetic. I'm wearing the ugliest clothes. I've got like a beanie, a cap, sunglasses, scarf. Don't look at me.

I'm just trying to get to where I'm going. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Silly Little Poe What day do you wash your sheets? Change your bedding? Someone texted on Thursday saying that they changed the sheets yesterday. And we were like, who's washing sheets on a Wednesday? Yeah, because we were talking about what ruined, how did you know your day's already been ruined?

Yes. And they said, well, I just had fresh sheets on, and then my three-year-old climbed into bed with us in the middle of the night and then woke up and wet the bed. Wet the bed. And then you guys were both just appalled at their midweek I don't think I have ever changed my sheets

midweek unless I was like sick or you know like sweaty or spilled something in there or pooped myself. I'll work the way up from the least popular response to the most popular. That's a great way to do it. Least popular at 6% is early week, your Monday through to your Wednesday. Okay.

Absurd. Second least popular. That doesn't sound right. Yeah, it'll fit. Late week, Thursday or Friday. Okay. Now at 39% and our second most popular, Saturday, 39%. Sunday, 41%, the most popular response.

Only by 2%. Yes. Yeah. Why do you think Sunday? Sunday's just chores day for most of us. It's just chores day. Get ready for the week. Chores day.

And also, if you go out Friday and Saturday. You don't want to be in your boozy sheets. You don't want to be in your boozy sheets for most of the week. There is nothing. I always, if I have a hangover, always change my sheets. I'm like, ugh, yuck. It's just boozy. Yeah, put it.

Yeah, put it in. Put it in. You know what I mean? It's a mess in there. Yeah. Or maybe I've had a pizza slice or something. Is that where that greasy stain is on there? Yeah, there's greasy handprints everywhere.

From the pizza. From the pizza. Yeah, it's from the pizza. Okay, yeah. It's from the pizza. It comes out in the wash. So let's see what the people are saying. Tessa says, get them all nice and clean for the weekend

when I'm not battling the horrors of a working week. So she's rewarding herself there with a splash out on the... She must have gone late week then. Yeah. She might go a Friday. Oh, monster. But if you're not going out, if it is just a stay at home, Friday's a great night

to get a clean set of sheets on. You reckon? It might be the longest. If you're tired and you go to bed early and you don't have to wake up early the next morning. That'd be quite nice.

It could be the best. It could be the... I think I just go out so much. I can't imagine wanting to put fresh sheets on on a Friday. James says, people do this every week?

Question mark, question mark, question mark. Oh, yes, James. James, don't be a manky boy. Jamesy. Once a week, please, James. Christine. Chance I once a week? Yeah.

Once a month? How are we keeping up with this washing? When you were growing up, did you do that thing where you only, the top sheet became the base sheet and the base sheet got washed? You'd move the base sheet, eh, and then tuck in the. And then the top sheet became the base sheet and the base sheet got washed? You'd move the base sheet and then tuck in the And then the top one became the bottom one and then you'd add a new top sheet. I never washed my own sheets when I lived at home.

My mum changed the beds. Even as a teenager? Yeah. As a teenage boy every now and then you'd have to scrunch all your sheets up and take them off. You're eating pizza in bed. You just put them teenage boy every now and then you'd have to scrunch all your sheets up and take them you're eating pizza in bed I'm eating pizza in bed again eating pizza in bed again you just put them

in the washing machine and there was an unspoken rule no one ever talked about it don't unravel the sheets the sheets were getting washed that's how you learn to wash your sheets yeah

and then you hang your sheets out and sometimes if your mother was naive she'd say isn't he a good boy learning to do his own laundry but then some people

don't even use a top sheet now. They just raw dog their duvet. I always top sheet. Yeah. Because I'm not washing my duvet that often. I washed my duvet covers this week. It's nice. Pain in the ass getting that duvet back in.

Yeah, I know, but I feel holier than thou. You know how you should do it? Aaron should stand holding the duvet like this, and then you just put the duvet over his head. Oh, yeah. He's two metres tall. And then he wiggles and shakes like this

and he'll get into the corners and then he'll lay it down on the floor and then he'll dome it up and he lives there now. He's inside the duvet. Go get myself a lover. Christine said...

He's living in the duvet. The perfect prison for a big man. Christine says, after working all week in sport on Saturday, Sunday is the day for sorting some life admin dust, clean sheets. Stephanie, I have a midweek day off.

Ah. True. Untraditional week structure. I wash and dry on a Thursday as weekends are filled up with kids' sports and activities and no time for washing sheets when I've got sports uniforms to sort. Yeah, okay. I can't imagine uniforms to sort. Yeah, okay. God, imagine having to do that on the weekends.

Muddy sports uniforms. B said Farmer Belinda. Belinda Farmer. Belinda Farmer. I don't know if she is a farmer or her last name is Farmer. Or is she a bee farmer? She could also,

imagine if Belinda Farmer, bee farmer, was also an apiarist. Or she just works at Farmer's. Also a possibility. She could work at Farmer's. Could be named after her. She'd have lovely sheets if she worked at Farmer's also an apiarist. She just works at Farmers. She could work at Farmers. She'd have lovely sheets if she worked at Farmers and got the discount.

She'd probably go for a more expensive Sheridan. She'd have Egyptian cotton. Yeah. Oh. B Linda says Clean Sheet Friday is her day. She'll chuck on a Set of clean sheets Okay

On the Friday Lauren said Work from home on a Monday So try to do all my chores On weekdays To keep the weekend freer Yep So I'll do it on a Monday

Megan says 100% you've got to Wash them on a Friday So you get a weekend Of sleep-ins and fresh sheets No point wasting That fresh sheet feeling Just to have to get up

Early to go to work Yeah good call. That's a great call. I'm on board with that. She's not boozing in those sheets, though, over the weekend. She's not boozing in the sheets. I'll be boozing in my sheets, you know. Christy said,

whatever day of the weekend's likely to be sunnier. Oh, she's a mine out on the line. She's not going to have one if she uses that dryer. Stephanie, Thursday. Man, people are really passionate about their sheets, huh? We've had so much response. Stephanie, Thursday because Friday is pretty much the weekend and I ain't doing laundry on the weekend.

Oh, yeah. Anti-tours on the weekend. Yeah. And Nikki said Saturday because I simply must be able to savour a Sunday sleep and in my crisp, clean sheets. Oh, delicious. You love me. That's a little pole.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. How do you guys, if you're about to watch a movie or a TV show and you go for a little see what everybody else thinks, where do you go? Well, I just Google the movie or the TV show. Rotten. And then it will give you the Google users, IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes. I was going to say rotten.com.

Different website. Different website. Rotten Tomatoes or, yeah, IMDB. IMDB it. IMDB is a hard going to say Rotten.com Different website Very different Rotten Tomatoes Or yeah IMDB IMDB IMDB's a hard one To crack though Yeah because

And then there are Critic reviews And then you know The Google reviews Like 80 something percent Of people could like something But critics are like 60

Yeah yeah yeah And you're like Well critics are a bit That tells me it's going to be A good movie Yeah same It's going to be an enjoyable, perhaps turn off the brain and just really enjoy it.

Yep. I like those movies too. Yeah. More and more I need them. I don't need a three and a half hour story about the flowers of the something moon. I still haven't watched that. Have you watched that?

Yeah, I have. It's actually really amazing. It looks good, but every time I go to start, I'm like, three and a half hours. That was the audacity of making a movie the length of a miniseries. Scorsese. Isn't it? But you have no problem watching a four-part miniseries.

It's an hour each. Because it breaks up. Yeah, right. It breaks up. I don't want it to. But anyway, Scorsese will always do well with the critics. Yeah. And the audience, perhaps, maybe.

The audience is always a bit like, long. Yeah, long. It costs And the audience perhaps maybe. The audience is always a bit like, long. Yeah, long. It costs points because it's long. But you'll find more movies are getting review bombed, movies and TV shows. Yeah, depending on who's in it or a theme of the movie. The minute it comes out or even before it comes out, it's getting all these bad reviews.

And a lot of the time it's because people are saying it's too, oh, it's too woke. I must lie that I hated it, even though I haven't seen it, based on the fact that I'll scream woke at a computer screen in a review moment. Well, Rotten Tomatoes is moving to stop that happening with a verified situation

with Fandango. When you buy a ticket, Clem Fandango, when you buy the ticket, it Clem Fandango Because I can hear him When you buy the ticket It gives you The ability through the app To verify Rate the movie

So you've actually seen Because I've seen it I guarantee I've seen Or at least But then Who would just pay The money To not go and see it

And just review bomb it Yeah 100% No one No one's gonna do it Well not when movies are like $400. Yeah, totally. They're literally $400.

Yeah. So they are trying to stop the review bombing from happening. Which is bad for everybody because it often leads to the second season

not getting picked up. I'm looking at you, the acolyte. It was a great start. Why did people review bomb that? Maybe it was just because it had a black lead woman It was a great start. Why did several review bomb that? Because it had a black lead woman in it for a start. Oh, right.

Heavens! Heavens to Murgatroyd. The cast was, the main cast was primarily people that weren't white. Oh, that's, yeah, right. There were lesbian witches. Why do people hate lesbian witches? I've never felt so directly targeted in my life. I know.

You're a lesbian witch. Lesbian witches. Big coven of lesbian witches. Yeah. Good morning to our lesbian witch listeners this morning as well. Which we know there are plenty. We know there's plenty. We know there are heaps.

We are the preferred breakfast show of lesbian witches. Yeah. We know this now. So a good morning to you. But they are hoping to stop people review bombing and ruining it and stuff. Thank God. God, the internet, eh? It's a great place.

I just went looking for my, I just was like, I'll look up my favourite film of all time, which was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, 1971. Oh, my God, great movie. Oh, have you seen the remake? Yeah. With Johnny Depp? It's even better.

Oh, my God. It's so good. It's great. Johnny Depp? It's even better. Oh my God. It's so good. It's great. Johnny Depp, the music's better. The graphics are better. Yeah. And the fact that the Oompa Loompas are one person, CGI'd to be all of the Oompa Loompas.

It's just better in every way. Gorgeous. But it's literally got no bad reviews. Oh my God. Yeah. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Which is his. They didn't need to do it.

It's appalling. Have you seen the new new one with Timothee Chalamet? No, I haven't. It sort of falls in the middle. Okay. My daughters really liked it. Johnny Depp's one is awful. Yeah.

Gene Wilder's one is perfection. Yeah. The Timothee Chalamet origin story one's quite good. And that's coming from a 1971 purist. A purist. A Willy Wonka purist. A Willy Wonka purist. Yeah.

When it comes to my willies, I'm a purist. We do this every Friday. We rank different things. What did we do last week? Hayley wasn't here. We did lozenges. We did our favourite lozenges. Lozenge flavours.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You voted by proxy. I voted. Yeah, you voted. Today, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You voted by proxy. I voted. Yeah, you voted. Today, though, it's... Types of rice. Types of rice.

First of all... It's grains of rice. It's not how rice is made. Not rice dishes. Not fried. Not fried. Yeah. Risotto.

Oh, my God. That would be another one. Rice preparation. Rice preparation. Or carb preparations. What do you mean, rice preparation? How do you... Risotto.

Risotto fried rice. Creamed rice. Ah. Rice balls. Yum. Sushi. Yeah, those rice ones. Yeah, when they pack it like a little triangle.

They always ate them in Japanese cartoons. Yeah. But when they translated it to English, they'd always call them stuff like cheeseburgers. Yeah. Because we were dumb, white, incapable morons. You eat different foods? What?

It's not bread? Now, I've got to out the gate, say Basmati's up there. Yeah. Because, you know, it's great with a Thai dish. If we're coming out the gate. Sticky coconut. I'll say brown rice can get in the bin. Oh, absolutely.

That's not going to be in my top three. See you later, brown rice. That's much better for you, brown rice. Isn't it just rice with the bin. Oh, collectively. That's not going to be in my top three. See you later, brown rice. It's not even that much better for you, brown rice. Isn't it just rice with the husk on? Yeah. And then you've got it, preparing it takes so long. And it's gnarly in your teeth. Yeah.

Trash. So we've got basmati, we've got jasmine. Quite similar, those two. Yeah. And long grain, you'd say, is pretty similar. What goes in a risotto? Like a big thick one. That's a boreo. Oh yeah, okay. Fatty, glassy.

Is that what you'd have in a paella? Nah, that'd be just your long grain, wouldn't it? That's a big fat, my favourite type of rice in a paella is a big fatty. Yeah, I want a big fatty in my paella. Spanish rice, also called boomba rice. Oh no,

that's the Paella dish What kind of rice Is used for paella Bumba rice Bumba It's fun to say too It's like short grain So yeah it is

Like a boreo A short fat one Short grain Okay I'm gonna go Maybe that's my number two Bumba's your two Yep

And you didn't even know It existed Did you till now No I just I was just gonna call it Big fat rice We're gonna do sushi rice Sticky sushi rice

Sticky rice is number one. More gluten. Glutinous little yum yum. Yeah, because I like sushi rice. Sticky number one. Huh? Sticky number one. Over Buzz Marty.

Yeah. But Buzz Marty's light and fluffy. It's light and fluffy. It goes with everything. No, no, sticky rice because you can use it like in sushi. Make those yum hamburgers that I like so much. And also it plays its role in mango sticky rice.

Mango sticky rice is my favourite way to eat rice. I'm not a huge rice guy. It's my number one. I'll have rice with a curry and that's me. I don't like rice. Really?

Stir fries and stuff. What is the best rice for like a butter chicken? Basmati. Basmati, right? Is it? Yeah. What do you pay?

Some of you pay a little a little bit on top of and you get the posh rice. Coconut. What? When they put coconut in it. Yeah, I love coconut basmati. Yeah, but I've never been at the curry shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get coconut rice at a curry shop.

Oh, yeah, mate. Half coconut milk, half water. This guy needs to branch out from food courts, eh? Oh, I know. He always gets his courage from exclusively food courts. Everything's right there. It's his favourite colour of orange. I'm going to go, I would say basmati's number one.

Yeah. It's so fluffy. Yeah, same. And I would go number two, arborio, because I love a risotto. Like a soupy, loopy, doopy. I hate risotto. I love risotto. You know, the only risotto I like

diamond that... I grew up I hated it because we had it so often and then I didn't have it for like 10 years. And then I had it again and I was like, this actually ruled but I don't like a gluggy risotto. I love glug. It feels like I'm being punished. But you like a paella. That's a gluggy risotto. It's not a gluggy

risotto because I if I get to dish up my own paella, I'm putting more shrimp in there. I'm going crazy on the chorizo. I'm really loading it up with the other stuff. Do you remember the time you missed out on the wedding paella? I do, yeah. Every time you say the word.

He thinks about it all the time. Every time you say the word, I go, yeah. I just wanted to really poke the beer. I'm going sushi rice number three. Arborio number two, sushi number three. Number one, basmati. Okay, so... Number one, sticky rice.

Yep. Number two, basmati. Number three... I don't know. You don't care? You're out of rices. You're out of rices. Those are my two, mate.

Okay, well, basmati... I'm going to put you down for a brown rice. No, no, no, no, no. If you don't care, no, I'm putting you down for a brown rice. Don't put me down for a brown rice. Okay, okay, okay. Jasmine.

Okay. Basmati wins. Basmati I'm putting you down for a brown rice. Don't put me down for a brown rice. Okay, okay, okay. Jasmine. Okay. Baz Smarty wins. Baz Smarty wins final rankings today. Clear winner. Clear winner. Great rice. I don't mind a bit of black rice in a salad,

but I know that you'll come for me for that, so we'll just leave that there. I want some sticky rice now. Yeah. I want to survive the day without rice. Coconut sticky rice mango on top. Should we go to Thailand? Today?

Right now. I mean, it makes sense that we just on top. Should we go to Thailand? Today? Right now. I mean, it makes sense that we just get on a flight to the home of the mango sticky rice. Yeah, yeah, okay, we'll go. Play ZM's

Fletch, Vaughan and Ailey. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Aunty. Kia ora! Kia ora, Aunty! She's even wearing the merch today I am

What is it Oofta ta ta Oofta ta ta So this is a gig That you went to On Wednesday night Yeah It was Jason Momoa's band

It was great I had such a good time It was very rock and roll Sold out Yeah very quickly There's only like 200 tickets Were you the only person That purchased merchandise

Well they did Because the merch Wasn't at the venue You had to go Up to Ponsonby to a different shop to buy it. So I bought a couple of tins. How does the umlot

over the O affect the pronunciation of oof? I don't know. Oof. Oof. Well, here's the review. Jason Momoa's Auckland show Aunties Go Wild watching Oof. Auckland show, Aunties Go Wild watching. Auntie! Aunties Go Wild.

Auntie. It's so funny because looking around the crowd, I was like, man, this is so odd. Because the band itself plays like Metallica covers, you know, like there's an element of that. But yeah, definitely a few bloody hot flustered perimenopausal aunties there. And you said like your crowd, it was Bogans.

Yeah, Bogans, aunties for sure. Because someone was saying, because I posted a little video of Jason Momoa doing a really interesting technique on the bass guitar with two of his fingers. Yeah. And so many people messaged me being like, he knows exactly what he's doing. Of course he does. 100%. He knows the crowd, that half of them are there

because they want to enjoy some heavy metal and half of them are there because it's the aunties. I would say more three quarters aunties. Do you reckon? Yeah. $70. I didn't know that's how much tickets were.

$70. Yeah, that was 69 bucks. Nice. Nice. And he played and apparently, yeah, it was very highly ratioed towards

the aunties How did you feel when you first saw the headline? Seen I felt called out I felt seen I like to think that I was there just as a fan of heavy metal, you know, and someone who just loves a bit of rock and roll on a Wednesday.

I was like, I'm definitely here as one of the flustered aunties who have been like, oh, that Aquaman sure knows how to play the guitar. 28 minutes away from eight next. Oh my gosh. When were you attacked on the genies? That's the question I'm going to ask our listeners. Something horrific's happened. A true nightmare. Tanat is his name. He's a Thai

gentleman who went for an innocent little sit down on the loo for a poop. Is this in Thailand? In Thailand. Okay. And he shared on his social media yesterday a terrifying story. The photo was a python coming out of a toilet and then the second photo was his hand

around the neck of the 12 foot long python coming out of the toilet bowl and the toilet bowl's got blood all around it, like drops of blood. The blood was not that of the python. The blood came from Thanat's balls. Because he

sat down. It came up through the toilet and nipped him on the ball. Nipped him on the ball sack. So he was sat down, felt a sharp pain, through the balls. He was like, oh my god, stood up, looked down, reached down. There was a snake with its fangs stuck in his balls.

Because pythons bite you, right? But their main way of getting you is strangulation. Yeah, constricting you. It nipped him. So when he stood, imagine this. Being knocked in the testicles is one thing, but imagine a sharp thing going through one. Two teeth.

He felt the pain as he stood. It was attached to the wall. Did it have poo on it? He was pooing. Had he started pooing? No, I don't think so. This is a nightmare from top to bottom. This is why you don't use the toilet

in Australia. So he must have looked. Also, this is a great ad for the, just put a little paper pad down. You know, you rub up a bit of toilet paper. A buffer. 100%. It reduces splash.

You think a python isn't getting through just a scrunched up toilet paper. It'll help. It stops the splash of the poo in the water, but it also could keep that python at bay. So he said, I reached down towards his scrotum. Reached down to my horror. When he went to go grab

what hurt, he grabbed the neck of the snake. Fangs still sunk in. Can I just hit you with a little fact at this point? The python bite force is six pounds of pressure

per square inch. That is enough to fracture the human skull. Now the paws are a very sensitive area. Yeah, the paws aren't a human skull. He is enough to fracture the human skull. Now the balls are a very sensitive area. Yeah, the balls aren't a human skull. He said I held the snake's neck tightly, tried to pull it out of the toilet. It was so

incredibly strong it wouldn't budge. Panicked and furious, I spotted a toilet brush nearby and started whacking the snake with it as hard as I could. Oh yeah, because the snake if it's 12 foot long, the majority of the snake's in the toilet and they are nothing but muscle right so it would have

wrapped itself around a pipe he's trying to pull it out yeah so he hid it till it extracted its fangs this is why it's so great to live in New Zealand

and this is why I keep a knife in the bathroom do you hey he said thankfully I'm okay now and in case you're wondering my testicles are fine

they're fine we've just got a couple of tiny puncture marks puncture wounds God works in mysterious ways I know he must have a bigger plan for this guy. Do you know what?

Yes. He does. The snake release. Panac, there is something coming in your life. The good Lord was that toilet brush. Now, you've decided that because of this story, Hayley, you would like to ask a question this morning. I was all for it because I saw

What Attacked Your Jenny's written on the planner and I was like, funny. And now I've heard the story, I feel a for it because I saw what attacked your genies written on the planner and I was like funny and now I've heard the story I feel a bit funny. Yeah. A little bit queasy. Queasy in the gut. I don't know.

The type of funny has changed. What attacked your genies is the question that I want to ask. Maybe something bit you, headbutted you, you know like goats when they like ram into you. And we'll take any form of genies.

Any and all. Maybe you took on a lady from Hamilton her name was Mero like me back in the day her name was Mero my genies have been attacked by a few bloody

who woken her tiny fire on today they haven't actually I was just trying to seem to be honest I was just trying to seem cool in front of my friends yeah

I think so my genitals were treated with nothing but love and respect for the two women I slept with. One of which is my wife. Yep.

Okay, well, 0800... I mean, let's see if this works. I don't know if people have even been in a similar kind of situation. 0800 dials at Emma's number. You can text through 9696. My question to you is, what attacked your genies? I want to know what attacked your jennies. Because there was a Thai man who sat down

to have a little private time on the toilet and his balls got bitten by a python. Which came up through the toilet, the pipes. Hooked onto his sack. Worst nightmare. It's a no from me, dog. It's a big no. It's a big no.

Now, we've had some messages in. Chloe on Instagram said, original sauce mint body wash. That'll attack you. That'll attack you. Bit of a tingle. That's a tingle. I'd keep that primarily external, ladies.

Yeah. Oh, please. Dana said, my fiance got stung on the balls by a bee that flew up his pants while riding his Harley. Squiddy! That's your fiance, Squid Squid. Oh, no, absolutely Harley. Squiddy! Oh, no. Absolutely not.

Squiddy! Right on the... Oh, yelch, yelch. Muffin on Instagram said, a water slide. Does that count? There was a flat bit at the end of the slide. Shut up.

I went down face first and I got bruised. Who had? Who had? Natalia, good morning. Morning. This is your mum Yes What attacked her on the genies?

On the genies She was actually sitting on the toilet Yeah And next minute something attached itself to her bum And she leapt out of the toilet screaming With her pants down around her ankles Yeah And landed on the floor outside the toilet Face down with her pants down around her ankles and landed on the floor

outside the toilet face down with a frog attached to her butt. A frog! Is this in Australia? Yeah, it was. Oh my God. It wasn't a cane-tied, was it? No, it wasn't a cane-tied. It was a big green frog. And so had it been down the toilet?

Yeah, it was happily sitting on the toilet. Oh, my God. No, no, no. That's a no. Australia, eh? That is. Natalia, thank you.

Graham, what attacked you on the Jennys? So put yourself back into the 1980s in Hamilton, and there used to be a lion park out at Mystery Creek. Yeah. I went to Boys High in the 80s, and I was a classmate of the son of the people who ran the line park down there. Yeah. And I was around there one afternoon after school,

hanging out with my mates, watching TV, had a packet of rations between the legs and we were just sort of watching some whatever we were watching. And they had three of their lion cubs were at home, at their home. They were kind of raising lions. Oh my God. The 80s were wild.

Everyone had a bloody lion park. So many people had lion parks. And everyone had lions in their lounge, lion cubs. In their lounge, you know, you think sort of like shag pile carpet. Yeah. And conversation tips and all that stuff. Yeah. And anyway, this little cutest, cute as all F, lion cub spots the rations and comes straight at me and ended up getting, biting down.

You've been bit in the crotch by a lion. A lion has savaged your genitals. It's maybe taken it a little bit far, but the most embarrassing piece was that their entire family had to get around this

to kind of get the, not the lion family, but the rat family. To get around it. To coax a release. in the, not the lion family, but the rat family. They'd be around to sort of, I don't know. To coax a release. To coax a release. Oh, my God.

What did it grab? The jewels or the main piece? I can't remember. It was 14. There was neither, really. Sort of all of it. Wait, can we call her of the week, Graeme? Yeah, call her of the week. Sort of all of us. Wait, can we call her of the week, Graeme? Yeah, call her of the week.

Yeah, we've lived it lately. Because I don't think anybody's been in... Being nipped by a lion. They're not going to be alive to call the radio station to tell us. Hey, our caller of the week, Graeme, congratulations, a $50 Met Cafe voucher. Thanks to our mates at Met Cafe. Well done. Outstanding, thank you.

Fantastic, thank you. Also for being Outstanding. Thank you. Fantastic. Thank you. Also for being brave enough for admitting a tiny little package. Now, Producer Jared, you have been trying

to get hold of somebody who was savage, attacked on the Jennys, but they were not willing to talk on the radio. Fair enough. Tell us the story. So this person's friend

when they were younger, a young lad, had a little Thomas the Tank Engine toy with wheels and choo-choos and all that. Yeah, I'm interested to see where this is headed. Yeah, so they were toddling around in their nappy, and all of a sudden their parents heard a little scream from whatever room they were in, and a young lad had managed to get the tip of his todger stuck between the wheels of Thomas.

Pinch in the skin. Yeah. Pinch the skin. Thomas' tires tipped the todger stuck between the wheels of Thomas. Pinch in the skin. Yeah. Pinch the skin. Thomas' tires tipped the todger. Yeah, it did. Jesus. Okay. Yow.

Oh, okay. Great stories coming through. A man was attacked by a python on the toilet. It swum up the pipe. Well, it's nightmare stuff. Nipped him on the balls. The big question we're asking this morning, what attacked your jennies?

We've already had some incredible stories coming through. I can't with this. Makes me feel a little bit. Let me remind the listeners, Hayley wanted to do this. I know. Oh, far out. Somebody was camping in

Africa doing the safari in a millipede. What's a millipede? Those are those big fatties, eh? How are theyari in a millipede. Yeah. So like. What's a millipede? Those are those big fatties, eh? How are they different than a centipede?

Are they a million legs? A million legs. Centipedes, a hundred. Yeah. Centipedes have one pair of legs per body segment while millipedes have two. But how many all up in total?

That depends how long the millipede is. Oh, bleh. This person said a big millipede got into our tent somehow in the middle of the night, bit me on the flaps. On the flaps.

Oh, my God. Oh, gee. I don't know about you, but if I was sleeping in an African anywhere, I think I'd have my flaps covered. I'd have flaps covered. I'd have flaps covered. I assume the flaps were in for landing. And the millipede bit through the fabric.

Normally, I think you'd have flaps out for landing. Flaps out for landing. If you're a pilot. For a soft landing. If you're zooming away to snoozy land, the flaps in. If you're in Africa, flaps in for landing. Flaps in and covered all time, surely.

I assume if that person could let us know, I assume they were covered and they just went through the material. Through the fabric. Good lord. Nancy, good morning.

When did something attack your jennies? Oh, I was out doing a half marathon and needed to have a wee on the start of the road. Oh. Got in the bush

and pissed on a wasp's knees. Oh, Nance! Oh, Nance! Nance! Nance! Nance! Nance! Nance! Nance! Nance! Did you manage to finish the race?

Well, no. No. I got taken back to the main start of the race and then hopped in an ambulance. But the worst thing is that I'm deadly allergic to wasps. So I had to go to hospital and every ambulance crew that came in had been told the story and they came in and laughed at me. Oh, Nance, they didn't.

How many stings did you have in the general genital area? 13. 13! Was it a shambles down there? Like, not... It wasn't good. It wasn't good. It wasn't a shambles down there.

It was a shambles. Nancy! You know what? If we hadn't had the guy that was better... I reckon we double down quarter of the week. Can we double down Caller of the week I was going to say the same

We've got a thumbs up I was going to say God yeah Amazing Caller of the week For 13 13 bites on your foo foo there That's worth it I think

No stings Stings sorry Caller of the week $50 campaign voucher For you as well Nancy Oh thank you Okay wait It was worth it

It was all worth it in there Wasn't it St John's laughing at you Was it Was it Kate John's laughing at you. Was it? Was it? Kate, let's go to Kate. Kate, good morning.

What attacked your jennies? Hi, good morning. I can't beat that one. That was so good. Well, yeah, we've had some amazing stories. Okay, so I was probably about 14 or 15 and I was going through my early hair removal experiment. Oh, yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, yeah. I've already

clenched my legs. Dad's razor? I was stealing my mum's razor and stuff like that and shaving my legs without her knowing. And I found in a cupboard, I'd seen her using it a couple of times, but I found one of those really old school kind of 80s looking epilators.

Like a real cranky one. For people who don't know, they rip the hair out, don't they? They were kind of like a spring thing. They look like a big spring coil. Yeah, it goes round like this and it pulls them out one by one. Horrendous. It has all these different blades that kind of go in different directions. It's like a whole load of tweezers on a round thing that go round.

Yeah, it's very complicated. And so I just thought I would have a go and see if it could remove some hairs from the nether region. And yeah, needless to say, things got caught very quickly. Oh my God! There was blood. There was blood! There was definitely blood. There was a lot of blood. She nipped it. Oh, my God. There was blood. There was blood. Oh, God.

There was definitely blood. There was a lot of blood. She nipped it. She nipped it. You nipped it. She nipped a flap. No, I actually caught it, and I had to sort of, like, And they don't have a reverse, do they?

They spin and they. No. No, no, no. I sort of had to just, like, yank it. Hey! Oh, God. Okay, it. Hey! Oh, God! Okay, okay. Is there scarring?

I'm sweating. I'm sweating. I can't. I didn't have the courage to look in the mirror, like crouch over a mirror to look. So I just left it and got on with my day. But, yeah, needless to say, I never told my mum, so she never found out about it.

How did you get away with it? If I even, as a 14-year-old, if my needless to say, I never told my mum, so she never found out about it. How did you get away with it? If I even, as a 14-year-old, if my genitals are bleeding, even as a 42-year-old, I'm going straight to my mum. Okay, Vaughan, Christine doesn't want to see your 14-year-old. Oh, my God, tell me where he's bleeding. Your 14-year-old falls. Oh, mum! Holy cake.

So, what, the bleeding just stopped by itself? I think I just went to school and just sort of like trudged through. I can't really remember. Wait, this happened in the morning? This happened in the morning? This happened in the morning? It happened in the morning before school. Kate, who's ripping it?

Who's going to school? No, this had like late night parents have gone out running all over it. This isn't a preschool. For some reason it happening in the morning makes it so much worse than it happening in the afternoon. She just started her day by nipping a flap in an airplane. Yeah.

So yesterday I got caught doing something that I do almost weekly. Okay. Which was I like to, I was on binge. Tagging. Shh. Have you not been caught for your tagging yet? I'm Bloom.

Guys, don't tell anyone I'm Bloom. How did you get to that sign on the motorway? I've got my ways. Oh, I want to know your secrets. I don't know what happened to Bloom. Did he get caught? I think he did. Yeah. One of the Blooms, Bloom. I've got my ways. I want to know your secrets. I don't know what happened to Bloom. Did he get caught? I think he did. Yeah. One of the Blooms. We're gendering, Bloom. Could be

a woman. Could be. Could be. Wasn't. Had big boy energy. No, I was on bin duty last night because Aaron went out and our wheelie bin was full and we had two rubbish bins inside full of stuff

and I had a bit of extra stuff. I had some fish in the fridge that was there for four days. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? I needed most of it. It wasn't too wasteful. I was like, that's got to go. But that's got to go straight into the bin.

So I did what I do every week, which is package it all up, wait for night to fall, and then I run around my street distributing my rubbish into other people's bins. So you put your manky fish, which has got to wait in somebody's bin overnight and stink it out. It'll be gone by now. Yeah, but it's still going to stink out the bin, but it's not your bin, it's stinking.

Sounds like that's a problem for number one. Sounds like that's number one's problem. Okay, right. And number 12 across the road got the other problem. But I was like, that's number one's problem. Okay, right. And number 12 across the road got the other problem. But I always do this, but my immediate neighbour right next to me,

I was like, I'll just shove it in theirs. They've seen me do it before, it's fine. But I came out and they were overfloweth. How do you fill up your bin every week?

Sometimes like Reno stuff, like we'll just try to get rid of a whole bunch of like crap. Isn't that the stuff you're not allowed to throw out? Nah, you can throw out crap. Dust. Asbestos. Gibbets. Asbestos. Polystyrene. Old engine parts.

Yeah, computers. Batteries. Yeah, you can throw it. You just put it all in the red bin. Oh yeah, okay. So I was there with three bags. Old fireworks. Yeah, old fireworks. A flare gun. All that kind of stuff. So I'm there with my three... We laugh, but fire, rubbish trucks

have been catching fire more and more. Yeah, terrible. We joke, there's a lot of stuff you can't throw out. Have we covered ourselves? Yeah, I think legally we've done enough. It's 8.13, my flare gun would have been taken away by now. They won't be able to identify it back to my house. So I'm there and I had like little sleepy shorts on,

a t-shirt and I had bare feet. Ooh, on your stone driveway. I know, but because I came outside and I'm strictly, I've got indoor slippers and I've promised myself I'm not going to do that thing where you're like, I'll just quickly pop outside in them. So I slipped them off and there were no shoes at the door for me to slip on.

None of Aaron's, none of mine. So I was like, oh, I've got a raw doggone on the gravel. So I'm like, like a little goblin with my sacks of rubbish. And I had to go quite far to find a bin that had enough room to receive my trash. So I went right to the one end of the street, distributed that. Then I ran back like, with my bags of rubbish. Are you kind of rocking a bit golem-esque? Yeah a bit golem-esque

Big goblin energy Big white legs out Yeah Bare feet on the gravel Then I crossed the road Across to Brendan He took a load Got that

Put that in there And then as I was approaching Because our neighbours are renovating right And they're not living in the house yet But they had their bin out I was like perfecto Like this is amazing They're not gonna What do they care? Oh okay Why'd they have their bin out If they're not living in the house yet but they had their bin out. I was like, perfecto. This is amazing.

What do they care? Oh, okay. Why'd they have their bin out if they're not living there? Probably getting rid of Renault trash. Renault trash, you're talking your asbestos, your polystyrene, your batteries. And I think their flare guns have expired too. Their flare guns.

I've got to check your flare guns. Anyway, so I'm like scarpering back across the road to put the last bag into their trash can. And then a car turns down the street. And I was like, oh, it's fine. They'll just see me in my little shorts and stuff. The headlights hit you and you're like. I was a little bit like, eh. And then as it came to, I recognised the shape of the car and it was the neighbours.

It was the neighbours. I don't know why they were arriving late at the house that they can't live in at the moment, but they caught me like at the bin with my bare feet putting rubbish into their bin. And I had to like come clean and be like, oh, it's just sorry we ran out of room for the bin dolly. No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

But I got caught. Somebody said they put this in their neighbour's bin when their neighbour was doing renos and they got caught and they were like, I'm so sorry. And they said, it's actually good because you're covering the stuff we shouldn't be putting in the bin with stuff that goes in the bin. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to put your weekly

rubbish on top of my asbestos, you know, linoleum that I've ripped up, sort of pat it down a little bit. Yeah, go for it. You go crazy. Again, we joke, we jest. We do joke. Get your asbestos professionally removed. Please don't throw out things that you shouldn't throw out. Don't just put a hose on it and dig a hole.

Yeah. And chuck it in the hole and then fill in the hole. That's not how you get rid of asbestos. That's not how you do it. Even though it came from the earth, and if we're truly talking about recycling, we are returning the asbestos to where it came from. Play.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Three, two, 1 Gay Penguins Oh I remember when we did first it We love gay penguins It was like a period of time where we had a lot of gay penguin news And it did necessitate

An introduction Where we sing Gay Penguins. Gay Penguins. We're very gay. We're pro-gay in this studio. I just realised our pride flag has been removed. Well, somebody ripped down all the Gay Ski Week, the pride flags in Queenstown. I know.

I hear about that. For God's sake. Like went around town and ripped them all down. How will the gays find Queenstown without the flags? How will they find a delicious up-pray ski, you know? Exactly. But you've disorientated the gays. Yes.

They'll be all kerfuffled. It's like how on the outside when there's turtles, you've got to have a red light because if it's a white light, the turtles think it's the moon and they go towards it and they get run over by the cars. I don't know if that's how the gays work. And that's how the gays get around. I don't know if it is.

If you tear down all the rainbow flags, gays get very disoriented. They get lost. Lock your ears for a minute there, doll. Like moths to a flame. Oh, yeah. If they don't have their rainbow flags with the triangle in the corner now, they won't know what to do. Well, guys, here's some sad news.

The world famous gay penguin, Sven, has died. These were in an aquarium? They were in the Sydney Aquarium. The one in Darling Harbour? That's right. These cheeky little gays. They stole other heterosexuals. Spengic and Clancy.

Yeah, heterosexuals. Weird calling a and Clancy. Yeah, heterosexuals. Weird calling a penguin a heterosexual. He's super het. He's super hetero. Hetero penguins' eggs, they would pinch them to raise their own. They had two chicks. It's called adoption. It's actually really encouraged.

No, because adoption, you do the paperwork. These penguins would go and just straight up steal them. It was paperwork light. Yeah, it was light on paperwork. So one of them passed away. And do you know what? When Sven died, his partner sung. He started singing.

And so now I would like us all to sing the morning song of the penguin. What is the morning song? Three, two, one. Ah! Ah! Ah! song of the penguin. What is the song? Three, two, one. And there you go, Matt. Have you seen some penguins? That was a pretty good penguin noise. Was it?

That one was pretty good. Times this by a million. That's what they all sound like down on those sub-arctic islands. Yeah, right. They coined the loss of Sven heartbreaking, and Magic, who's the other gay penguin, is beside himself. How's he going to tell the kids? Dad's gone.

Kids, come into the lounge. Probably the stoked he can go out and play with some other gay people. Oh, yeah. He'll download the apps. He will mourn for a couple of weeks. I feel he'll bounce back. I feel like Justin... He's going to get a revenge body.

Justin time for Mardi Gras. Yeah. Justin time for Mardi Gras. Oh, darling. He's going to get a nice new singlet. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Harness.

Get that penguin a harness. Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Just before we get to fact of the day, guys, breaking news. Overnight, there has been a fire at the Whittaker's Potty Dua Chocolate Factory. Oh, my God. My goodness. Oh, my God. Dip a strawberry in there, though.

Oh, I'm sorry. That was so disrespectful. Well, one person was apparently treated for smoke inhalation. Oh. This happened last night. And now, apparently, the fire was located in a chocolate hopper. A what? A chocolate hopper. located in a chocolate hopper. A what? A chocolate hopper.

What's a chocolate hopper? We just call them chocolate rabbits. Really good. That's your worst dad joke of the week. That was good. No, that's what holds the chocolate during the process. Right. So, yeah, one person suffered from smoke inhalation

and was transported by ambulance. So this is the latest today. So I hope that's not going to disrupt, you know, us getting chocolate. I'm going to buy some today. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and teas and also pears. And peas there. Right now, time for Fact of the Day.

Day, day, day, day, day, day. This week at Fact of the Day, it's been national dishes that weren't invented where you think they were. Basically. Loving this. I'm going to do some quick fire ones today. Oh, great. Because I feel like these are the ones that people might know. Probably a bit more well-known that they're not where you think they're from.

Yep. Hawaiian pizza. Not from Hawaii. Not from Hawaii. Where is it from? Canada. I was going to say America. A Greek immigrant called Sam Panopoulos.

Yep. Which is weird because his name almost sounds like pineapple, and that's what he put on the pizza. Panopoulos. Panopoulos. He said that they weird because his name almost sounds like pineapple and that's what he put on the pizza. Panopoulos. Panopoulos. He said that they were making like traditional American food and stuff but started experimenting with trendier foods, Chinese American dishes and such.

Yeah. And one of the main ingredients used in a lot of Chinese meals was pineapple. And he's like, it's weird why we put a fruit on a pizza. Oh, yeah. And then he only said Hawaiian pizza because it said Hawaiian pineapple on the can. Oh, okay.

I do. I love pineapple on like a stir fry and a sweet sweet and sour. If there's a Hawaiian pizza around, I'll just eat it. And I'll be like, that's yum. Yum. Yeah. Like a really nicely like wood fired Hawaiian pizza. With good ham.

Great ham. Yeah. Nice cheese. Lots of cheese and like a flame-grilled pineapple that's right they've flame-grilled it

before they put it on the pizza so it's like smoked I'm not too good for that almost caramelised yeah yum that's gotta be one of my top tier pizzas okay

but then if I was ordering one pizza for myself I'd never get Hawaiian I'd never do Hawaiian but when it's around but I love them when I eat it I'm not upset.

The next, croissants. Not French. Not French. Where are they? Austrian. Oh, that makes sense. They love their pastries. An Austrian kipferl, which was a traditional yeast bread roll made with lots of butter that is rolled and formed into a crescent

before baking. And so it went flaky and pastry. So the French kind of stole it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sauerkraut. Polish.

Nope. Chinese. Oh. Yeah, the Chinese were making. Because everyone goes German, German, German. German, German. It's a sauerkraut. Yeah.

German. And kimchi sauerkraut, but Korean, right? Different spices. Apparently while building the Great Wall of China, it was a staple fermented cabbage. Oh, yeah, because it would last forever. It would last forever. You'd be able to take it with them, yeah.

You're good at that when you're building a wall like that. And good gut health. No wonder they built a great wall. They got a great wall made. Great wall out of it. Yep. I'd say when it comes to walls, one of the best. I'd say thousands died.

Yeah. Tens of thousands died making that wall. Yeah. But they didn't die hungry. No, they didn't. And they had good gut health. Great gut health. Yeah. Tens of thousands died making that war. But they didn't die hungry. No, they didn't. And they had good gut health. Cheesecake. American? I always thought American because of the factory.

Yeah. And you had New York style cheesecake. It would surely be European. Asian? Greek. African. Oh, Greek. Ancient Greek. Ancient Greek too. African. Oh, Greek. Ancient Greek. Ancient Greek too.

The Greeks made. I don't think he knows that Greece is in Europe. It's fine. He only just let the countries touch. Countries touch. You have been to Greece. I have been. Why did you forget you've been to Greece?

I've been with you to Athens. We went to Greece. And Mykonos. Yeah. That is Greece. Yeah. And the countries touch. Some of them touch in Europe.

But that island, what country is that island that we went to? It's a Greek island. No, but the Greece part touches. Are you telling me countries can not touch too? Yeah, some are isolated. Like New Zealand, for example. We don't touch another country. You really should have done geography at school.

No, wait, but Greece has parts of the country that touch other countries. There's Greece and there's the Greek islands. Amazing. I know, crazy, eh? So the islands are Greece. Yeah. Could we just be like, well, actually, you're that part touching the other parts. How about we have this island? Okay, it's getting a bit much for him. Don't encourage him. Someone's just sending some

T's and P's about Vaughan this morning. The state of his brain. That's just from Brad. Just sending in some T's and P's for the state of porn this morning. Thanks Brad. Yep. I ate some chicken yesterday that I probably shouldn't have.

Yeah, I think it's gone to the brain. And it spiralled me because then I panicked and I was like, you know what stops? And this is my honest thought of why I never get food poisoning.

Yep. Alcohol. It kills the bugs. So I chased, I got scared about the chicken making me sick so I drank some Jameson's. That would explain the messages that you were sending last night.

I was a little bit. He was loose-lipped last night. I was a little bit. Loose-lipped. I'm excited because I'm catching up with some mates who I haven't seen as a group for years tonight. We're going to the Waz. I got excited.

Well, but you know what we're like when we go to a wedding. We get excited the night before, don't we? Always have a big night the night before the wedding. Always have a big night the night before the wedding. So the Greeks invented cheesecake and their bloody islands don't touch their main lands. They've got great surnames.

They've got yogurt and cheese and all sorts of shenanigans going on over there. So to this week's Fact of the Day has been my pleasure. Bye. That chicken's gone to the brain.

Fact of the Day, Day, Day, day, day, day. Yeah. The impossible phone-in topic. A topic that we think is quite hard. We may not get any calls because it's niche. But a man yesterday was on landing at Melbourne Airport on a Jetstar flight, acting erratically and exhibiting some strange behaviour according to fellow passengers. Like what? Like just going nuts.

And then as soon as the plane came to a stop, he immediately got up and charged to the emergency exit row. And he was shoving people, causing a commotion. He ripped open the emergency door and the slide was deployed. And he jumped off the plane. You can't just do that. Everybody was just like, what the hell is happening? Oh, my God.

Was he drunk or on drugs? How did he know how to open the emergency door? Had he read the little card? We all have to read the card every time you're on a flight. You have to read the card, of course. Do not read the card every time you're on a flight, just to refresh the memory. I used to have a look at the card,

but I never look at the door and ever make sure that the diagrams match. When they say the door's armed, that's when the slide will deploy. So when they land, they disarm the door so that the slide doesn't come out when they open the door. I think that's how it works. Do you disarm it from the outside? No, I think the inside. From the inside.

Flight attendants, please disarm your doors. Yeah, that's what they mean when they say that. That was lovely, by the way. Have you thought about... Oh my God. You would be really good at that. I'm going to go. You'd be really good at it. This radio palaver is such a waste of my time. And you go to Bali all the time. Oh my God.

You always love going to Bali, don't you? What do they say? Matewa. I could matewa all day long. You do do the matewa. Here's me assuming I'm getting into Air New Zealand. So this is what we want to ask this morning, is have you ever been down the emergency slide on a plane? Now, I think, speaking of flight attendants, I think we should discount people that have done it for training

because you have to do it when you go to, like, flight attendant school. Yeah, but then that rules out getting a call, doesn't it? I'm with that. That's what's called the impossible phone-in. She's stern but fair. Yeah, thank you. It's called tough love. It is the impossible phone-in. She's stern but fair. Yeah, thank you. She's stern but fair. It's called tough love.

It is the impossible phone-in topic. We're not making it easy. we'll just talk about something else. We'll admit it. We'll admit it. We'll move on. We will. Okay, we want to hear from you now.

0800 DARS at M. Have you been down the emergency slide? Which means you must have been in an emergency landing or something went wrong. Yeah.

And you had to get off that plane quick, fast. Because sometimes I've seen in America where it's like they've landed but something has gone wrong and then they've had to deploy and that's how they get out. Like the plane is a crash.

Like there could have been an engine fire and they're like, we need to get everyone off here quick in case it explodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, 0800-DARLSAN-M is our number. Give us a call now.

You can text through 9696. Have you gone down the emergency slide? 13 minutes away from 7, Fleach, Vaughan and Hayley, and we have asked for the impossible phone-in topic. What could be a rare impossible phone-in? Yeah. We may have no calls.

Yeah. Someone messaged in, there's a training, they've done a firefighter training thing for Air New Zealand. And they went down the emergency slide. But they mentioned that 15% of people that use the slide end up injured on average. Yeah. I suppose it's not really made for an enjoyable wee, you know. I mean, it's not a fun slide, is it?

No, no, no. It's not a water park slide or something like that. This is a question. It's not a fun slide, is it? No, no, no. It's not a water park slide or something like that. This is a question. It's not Barley Bomb. We're asking you this morning, have you used the emergency slide on a plane? Yeah. So we might have to come back next and rule this impossible.

We could rule it impossible and then. I'm laughing at the fact that someone said it's not impossible. You guys have done this before for impossible. Did we? Hey, when? Someone else said, I'd imagine the same people will call us last time you did this topic. Hayley, you said we haven't done this before.

I didn't think we had. She hasn't been here 20 years. I've been here for two and a half. Mentally, I checked out about 15 years ago. I just, this is all on you. Well, if those people

wouldn't mind actually calling back and we'll just sort of talk to you. Wow. We'll talk to you. That's amazing. That's been a day. That's been a week. It's Friday.

Well, no, it's not impossible. Because if we've done it before and we proved that it wasn't, then har har har. Someone just said, Jesus, it's nearly nine o'clock, not seven as well. Wakey, wakey, Fletch. What did I say? Did you say 20 to seven?

Oh, my God. Let's just get today done. Guys, it's Friday. Let's get today done. Back off! One more talking point. And we're out of ideas. What should we talk about next? 9-6-9-6. Should we do an Ask Us Anything? No.

Let's do a Get Ready With Me. No. Let's do it. Just stop. Just stop. Just stop. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, I've resisted for a long time using this app.

But finally, I have been, I guess, grinder. It's great, mate. It's a great way to meet people. No. No, Vaughn, no. You should get on it. It's good fun. You should. It's a great way to meet people. No. No, Vaughn, no. You should get on it. It's good fun. You should.

It's a whole new world. I'm talking about the app Splitwise. I've never used it. I have never even heard of it. I have resisted for so long because so many of my friends use Splitwise. Now, if I was flatting, 100%, this would be amazing. So for those that don't know what it is. Splitbill's the easy way.

Free tool for friends and roommates, trackbills and other shared experiences so that everyone gets paid back. I might get shut out of Download It. See how much money she owes me. It's too late. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Do you think she's listening? I love every time I have a joke about this, someone messages me, it's toxic behaviour for a husband to talk about his wife's finances like that. Oh, no, it's part of their banter. It's funny. It's banter.

It's banter. It's not toxic, it's banter. It's marital bants. It's bants, bants, bants. It's banter. So I've been, I guess, persuaded to join this, you know, the Splitwise app because we're going on this hike at the end of the year. Dr. Shawnee, our friend, made me download it

because some people, I paid for some accommodation, someone's paid for some HUP tickets for this hike that we're doing and there's flights and there'll be a rental car. And so it's kind of- It's nice that Fletcher's Biggest Financial Stress is a hike at the end of the year Oh wouldn't it be nice Do you know

I wasn't saying that I'm just saying that I I owe the bank so much money and I want it back Why don't you get split wise

with A and Z or B and Z Yeah can I get a split wise with A and Z I think that's just logging into internet banking That is Yeah But it is kind of cool because then like now it's like I only owe someone You're going to get a split wise? Yeah. It may as be. I think that's just logging into internet banking. It is.

Yeah. But it is kind of cool because then like now it's like I only owe someone $1.50. Dude. And someone owes me $6. And it is quite, it is a good app. But I've resisted. Wait. So how does it work? You create a group.

A group. Yeah. And you can have multiple groups in the app. So you add others. They have to have the split wise app or you track it on behalf of everybody? No, they have to have it. They have it as well. And so if they're like, we're on a trip. We're on the app. So you add others, they have to have the split. Why is that? Or you track it on behalf of everybody? No, they have to have it. They have it as well.

And so if they're like, we're on a trip, we're on the hike, I paid for breakfast. Oh, your petrol. Okay. Say it was $100 and there's five of us.

Okay. But then the next person pays, oh, look guys, I'll just cover breakfast because that's going to blank out what I owe that person, but then they're going to owe me. Yes. And so the idea is you try to pay for different things.

Yes. But at the end of the trip, you work out, it just works out automatically and you just pay people. That's so, because you know, like we do this quite a lot

that we'll go out and like one of us will get the bill and then we just do a bank transfer or like when we're away, you're like, oh, we'll just sort it out. I just realised,

this is good. You know, I went to Wellington with two of my friends recently for that marching reunion. Erin hasn't paid me back. That's $292 she owes me. That's a lot of money.

How do you just not notice she's paid you back? It's just the same Erin that's in Europe right now. Yeah, she's in Europe. She is flitting around Europe having a hot girl summer. Spending your money. Spending my money. So if I had this app, I'd be like, yeah. But I mean, it's been around for ages and everyone uses it.

Well, you've just given in to it. I've just finally given in and now I imagine every time we go out, it's I'd be like, yeah. But I mean, it's been around for ages, but, and everyone uses it, but I've just finally given in, and now I'm, I imagine every time we go out, it's gonna be like, you owe me $2. Yeah, it all comes out in the wash, $2. Yep. $292 here in America. You owe that to me. And also, by the way, your round

for coffees. My round? She buys more rounds of coffees. I buy them a charity. That was such a bad example. I do not see the evidence. This guy couldn't move slower to get his

EFTPOS card out. Well, it's right in the back pocket. He's always like, oh, you've already got your card out. Have you? This is why I didn't

want Splitwise. This is why I didn't want to download Splitwise because now I'm going to owe people money. 100% we are starting a Splitwise group This is why I didn't want to download Splitwise because now I'm going to owe people money. 100% we are starting a Splitwise group, the three of us. No.

Well, if you enjoyed that, give us a rating and review and be sure to tell your mates. You know what? I reckon your script reading is getting better. Thank you. I give it five stars. Thank you. Just like I'd give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your script reading too.

Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast. Thank you Vaughan and Hayley for that. Good boy.