ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 23rd June 2023

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

Favourite Stove Ring  Top 6: Auckland  Silly Little Poll!  Final Rankings: Zombie Apocalypse  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshpawn and Hayley Big Pod. Download the MyMaccas app and earn rewards on your coffee. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fleshpawn and Hayley, two minutes past six. Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, cage fighting. I hate macho, dumb bullshit like that. Hopefully they both give themselves an aneurysm.

Oh jeez, that's a pretty full on of you to say. Aneurysm? I've got a black eye and a little... Yeah, I just thought like maybe he'd try to mutually knock each other out. Some concussion and some lifelong saying it might be all right, it might be good for the world if that happens. Split lip. Hey, happy birthday, you big dummy.

Happy birthday. Thanks. Do you know it took Bourne a long time to wish me happy birthday this morning? Everybody said it immediately when they got to work. I spent hours of my time preparing for this weekend for your birthday. We're going away. We're going to New Plymouth today. I completely forgot when I first got here to say happy birthday.

I had one of those mornings where I had a list. Well, I didn't. In my head I had a list, and that's a jumbled list. That's like a lucky dip. You just write a list. I write a list. You pull one thing out, you're like, oh, I did that. You pull another thing out a list. Well, I didn't. In my head, I had a list, and that's a jumbled list. That's like a lucky dip. You just write a list. I write a list. You pull one thing out, you're like, oh, I did that. You pull another thing out, you're like, I did that.

And you're like, there can be nothing else left in here, but there was a lot to do this morning. You are not the kind of person that can have a mental list. No. I always write things down when I'm going away, and then I love crossing them off. And then you get to the end, and you're like, I'm ready to go on holiday.

I'm ready. I'm not going to forget anything. And you know, it's rubbish day. Remember last week when I was towing the rubbish bins down the driveway and I dropped the bin and the rubbish went everywhere? Yeah. So today I got some tape and I taped the bins shut. Oh, yeah, good.

And I towed them down the driveway. But then I look in the rear camera and the recycling bin that is on the tow ball has the lids flopped right open and I can see this glass jar like going, whoa, whoa. And I'm like, yeah. And I got to the end and it stayed in. But then I think I've forgotten

to take the tape off the rubbish bin. Meaning the lid might not flap open when the truck flips it upside down. Is it just sellotape? Nah.

It's big tape. Oh no. Big tape energy. But then it was, they were wet. The bins were wet because it rained. So that's why the lid

came open on the recycling bin. So I'm hoping the same will do the same on the rubbish bin. You're an absolute hot mess. And I had to get my swipe because I bought Sade's car today. So I had to get my swipe card out of my car. But my car was locked. So I had to go back into the house to get the key to unlock my car. And then I left my keys in my car.

So remind me to message Sade to tell her that the keys are already in the car because she's going to get lost. And then I was driving and I went to check the time and I realized my Apple Watch wasn't on. So on my phone, I open up Find Devices. I'm like, where's my Apple Watch? And Apple's like, it's with you. I'm like, cool.

Play sound. No sound. Is it on the roof? I'm like, is it on the roof? But it stayed. And then I left open Find My Device and it stayed with me the entire time. I'm like, shit, if it's on the roof, it's really holding on tight. It's sticking.

But then I'm like, how do I get on the roof? What would I be doing on the roof? Maybe it came off. I cannot deal with how unorganised you are. And I've got stuff. Good. We're ready to go. You're here.

You've got stuff. Yeah. I think I'm sorted. I'm hot, though. The top six is coming up on the show. Auckland has made a list of liveable cities. Auckland and Wellington jumped back up the list of the world's most livable cities. Worldwide.

Worldwide list of most... Oh, yeah, if it was New Zealand's top ten livable cities and Auckland wasn't in the top ten, there'd be serious problems. Coming in again, above Auckland, Whanganui. I mean, it's gone downhill, is all I'm saying. It's a bit messy at the moment. Oh, my God.

It's the pits. That is what today's top six is dealing with because Auckland is 10th. I think what I'm going to say, the top six things they obviously missed when they were doing the pits. That is what today's top six is dealing with, because Auckland is 10th equal. I'm going to say the top six things they obviously missed when they were doing the rankings. Next on the show, though. If you've got a self-defence keychain, like Chanelette Pyjamas does,

I've got a big warning for you. Now, when I used to live in Brooklyn in Wellington, there's a park at the bottom. And my mum said to me, when it's late at night, you never walk through that park. Oh, no. Definitely not. I know that park you're talking about.

I don't know. I go through that park at night. Every single time. Because it was so much shorter than winding up the Brooklyn Hill. So we used to go direct through it to my flat and just run the whole time. We used to go direct through it to my flat and just run the whole time. We used to, there was a park just out of Hamilton, over the road from between the cricket grounds and is it Hamilton Girls High?

And there's a path through the middle, but the same thing, no lights in there and our flat was on the other side. And we used to get our friend Kelly in the middle and all of us lads would just run like this. At Kelly's pace. And if someone jumped out, we'd just plough through them. I think we were going to say... At Kelly's pace. And if someone jumped out, we'd just plough through them. I think you were going to say that park near your old flat

where the girl bit you. The teenage girl bit you. Oh, a girl bit you? Two girls bit me. Gribblehurst Park in Sandringham, Auckland. Yeah, we were walking home from a fancy dress party and these girls came out,

these young teenage girls, and they started mouthing off and then one grabbed Sade's hair so I grabbed her by the throat and then I had to grab another one under the arm and when I had the one under the arm, she spun so I grabbed her by the throat, and then I had to grab another one under the arm, and when I had the one under the arm, she spun around and bit me on my titty.

And then the other one, when I grabbed her by the throat, she slipped like a crafty dog and then bit me in the webbing of my fingers, and I had to get HIV tests. Oh, my God. What an adventure. It was horrible. But everyone knows these parks, and I used to grab the biggest stick. Like, you go down the bottom, you go in the entrance,

have a little rummage, you'd find the biggest stick, key through the fingers, which is an old school technique and you'd just be like and we used to just run through. This is good. But nowadays there's all these defence things that people have like our girly chandelier pyjamas. And these are big on TikTok and this is why there's a warning.

There is a warning. It could potentially, in New Zealand I'm talking, be breaking the law. A criminal in our midst. Shannon. By the way, Shanley Pyjamas, you've got one of these on your key ring. Holding it right now. Oh, whoa, whoa. She's wielding a weapon

in the workplace. What was the name of that? I googled it. Yeah, so I've got a Coubertin art. Great band. Wherever, who'd they name before it is it's got it's like it's got um a pla like rings for your knuckles or your fingers it looks like it belongs up the butt and then it's like a long pencil yeah and the top of it is sharp if i'm not, sharp. Well, I've seen, so if you stabbed it into a watermelon, which I've tested because it gives me peace of mind, you would do some damage because of the way you hold it.

Right. So I walk with this every morning, nearly shivved a fletch one time. Yeah, I came up behind on my lime scooter. I was like, bing, bing, good morning, shakshak. She was like, what the fuck is she, Coubertin? Nearly Coubertin me in the gut. Yeah, but so this key chain came with, bing, bing, good morning, Shack. She was like, well, I got you a coubertin. You're like, coubertin me in the gut. Yeah, but so this keychain came with, I've got a whistle, I've got a seatbelt cutter

as well, which is quite popular. Because those are popular. Those are really popular on TikTok. So there were seatbelt cutters, the knuckle thingies. So wait, are seatbelt cutters illegal too? No, no, no, no, just some of them. So the New Zealand police are saying some of these weapons that are being too. No, no, no, no. Just some of them. So the New Zealand police are saying some of these weapons

that are being promoted on TikTok as like get yourself one of these girlies are actually considered offensive weapons. Because have you seen like knuckle dusters that are offensive? People have the cute, they look like cat ears. Like cats. Like two cat ears. They do that to the throat though. Yeah.

So I went to buy one from overseas initially just because I looked online and there was some on Etsy. Etsy? I thought you were going to say AliExpress or T-Move. Handcrafted lovingly by someone in Illinois. Postage, $55. Yeah, pretty much. But they all use pepper spray because in America that's a thing.

That's a big thing. But it's super illegal to import into New Zealand. Tazer's pepper spray because in America that's a thing. That's a big thing. But it's super illegal to import into New Zealand. Yeah, tasers, pepper spray. It's bear, technically you buy it, say, in America you can be like, it's for protection

against bears and some parts are like wild animals. Like, our most threatened animal is a possum and it really wants nothing to do with you.

You just kick them. Yeah, no, so I got a New Zealand made one. So this is from a girl. She has an Instagram. She makes them in Pami. She'll promote your leg electively.

Is she drop shipping them? But is she calling them something else to get around this? So I believe that my coubatin is a window breaker. I think legally that's what it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've used one of those before. But when you get submerged in a lake in your car. Yeah, exactly.

How would you use the coubatin? So it's like a pen. It's got finger marks, and then you go, shah! So I'm just reading about the history of the Kubitam. Okay. Much like sticky tape is known as sellotape. Oh, yeah. Kubitam was a brand.

You've actually got a rip-off Kubitam there. That's embarrassing. You've got the cling film of Kubitam. Generous-sized trademark for a self-defense keychain weapon developed by Soki Takayuki Kubota. Big fan. In the late 1960s as a protection device. So that's illegal technically.

Yes, and I've talked to people about it, and it's illegal to be armed for no reason is what I've been told. The reason is you're a woman in the big bustling city. If you've been attacked, you can go back with self-defense, but I think I'm not supposed to walk around with it in the cha position. Just stab people willy-nilly. You walk around with it in the ka-cha position, please. Did you have it in the cha position when you nearly shivved me?

Yes, I promise you every single morning I hold it like this and I put, there's a pom pom, I put it on top so it looks less... Let's also remember she did tell us yesterday she's legally blind without her glasses on. You see without the glasses. You see, produces Shanley Pyjamas and she doesn't

have her pyjamas on. Oh, her pyjamas. Shanley Pyjamas doesn't have, well she's got her pyjamas on, we're in a whole different world of trouble. If she doesn't have her pyjamas on. Oh, her pyjamas. Shanley Pyjamas doesn't have, well, she's got her pyjamas on. We're in a whole different world of trouble. If she doesn't have her glasses on, do not approach her even if you're

a close loved one. Yeah. Because she won't answer you and you'll get the coup d'etat. On a serious note though, you have had troubles around that area where you nearly shivved me.

Yeah, yeah. Some dodgy characters. I've been pulled into a car so I definitely feel we need to do this. Take that. You need something a bit more serious.

Aaron bought me in Thailand one of those knives that comes out from the top. Oh my god, those are very illegal. Yeah, I know, but you didn't declare it. And then you just put it in my handbag. Oh wait, so it's okay if you don't declare it? Well, they don't know it's here. Okay. Other than me saying it now, but I had it in my handbag and it's got a side

switch and the whole time I was like, dude, I'm just going to have drinks one day and be like rummaging around for my keys. For a tampon? It was... For an innocent tampon. And then you need the tampon to go in the hole in the palm of the other hand.

Oh, God. Is that why your deadly pony's handbag has lots of holes inside of it? Yeah, yeah, it's absolutely in tatters from that thing. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. A study's been done talking to people about their favourite things in the house, in the kitchen particularly. And this is a stat that I wanted to pull out of this study,

which I thought should have been higher. A quarter of all people have their favourite cooker ring, either gas or electric stove. Big front left. Oh, no, I'm front right. No. Big front left. Big front right.

Big middle back. The back. The ones at the back are never big. The rings. That's the big middle back. What have you got? I've got six. No, I've only got four.

But she's got six. I've got six. They're kind of like that and then two there. Mine go one, two, three, four. And then the big, the disc, the long disc that covers two. Yeah. You've got a long disc. And you can use them together if you've got like a griddle or something.

Yeah, dude. Get out of here with your flesh. I've been looking for a cast iron thing long enough. Yeah. To go over two. So you can do like 18 million pancakes. Everybody has a favourite ring on the stove, right? Hell yeah, mate.

Because the one at the front, if you're boiling, it kind of gets around the extractor fan. Oh, okay. No, that's not a... I'm always at the front right. Front left is just hottest. Is this a thing you have or you don't care? I'm definitely front left.

Yeah, me too. Big front left. Big back Me too. Big front left. Big back right energy. Big back right. See, my back right's small. I'll put that if it's over boiling. That's one of the tiniest ones on the stove. Maybe they've put my stove in backwards. I think they've put it in backwards. It goes in backwards.

Are you reaching over the controls? You've never cooked anything in the oven because it doesn't seem to exist. It's so hard to get out cooking. You've got an oven, you need to turn it around. Dude, I'll come around and show you how to turn it around. Thanks, mate. Landlords, eh?

Piece of shit. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley from the Panoramic ZM Think Tank. This is the Top Six. I'm just so nervous. It's my first day. Are you? It's my first day.

You're doing so good, by the way. I am really enjoying the job so far. Thank you so much for having me. You know all the tin coffee's free, eh? Yeah, man. And is Milo. I'm just so pleased to have a job here. All right.

And there's an air fryer in the kitchen. Thank you for storing so I could find the story. I know the cold water taps are real. And microwaves. There's a microwave. Don't use the microwave with the rust. I won't. Because the radiation...

You want to use the one on the right. The radiation leaks out and makes your swipe card not work. But somehow it works, kept it in the kitchen. I remember. Well, it's been taken from Newstalk ZB's kitchen and put in ours. So that really tells you who the company prioritises. We can't kill Hosking.

We can't kill the cash cow. We can't. I don't think you could kill Hosking if you tried. That guy's... He's made of metal. He's made... Yeah, yeah.

And impenetrable to nuclear power. He was raised in Chernobyl. I don't know if people know that. That's how he's so brainy. Okay. Auckland and Wellington have made the biggest jumps

back into the rankings of the world's most liveable cities index. Auckland, back in the top ten, joint tenth place alongside Osaka, Japan. Did they go to, no offence, Hayley being from Wellington, but did they go on one of those you can't beat it on a good day days? I think that's usually

Feb 11. Is the day. It went up 35 places back to 23rd for Wellington. That's nice because it dropped, eh? Yeah, we were always up there, but then we dropped because of the pandemic and now we're back up. Cost of living and we were locked down a lot.

2021, we were the first place. So it wasn't, it was kind of post-COVID-y. Well, not post-COVID, but post like real bad, like post-vaccine world that we dropped off a bit. Because I think that's where we kept the doors shut and we had the restrictions. But it went down to 34th. It was first place in 2021 when we were like living

with all the, you know, freedoms and stuff because we'd isolated ourselves. Yeah, boy. But I've got the top six things that they missed when putting Auckland in the top 10 most livable cities. Number six on the list, Aucklanders. So many of them. So many of them, and arguably the worst part about Auckland.

Do you consider yourself an Aucklander? Yeah. Do you? I've always considered myself a temporary Aucklander. Yeah, but you've lived here for like 20-something years. Yeah, but I don't plan to be here forever. Yeah. I've only been here six years, but I don't plan to be here forever. Yeah. I've only been here six years, so I think I'm still a Wellingtonian.

You're a Wellingtonian. Oh, my God. I'll dip a toe. Hang it onto that. You've given up. I'm still cool and funky. Well, see, you were born in Rangiora. I lived there for two years.

The rest of which was in Wellington. She won't tell you that. I'm a Hambassadour. Yeah, right. You're a Hambassadour. Always Hamilton at heart. And we're off to your hometownitor. Yeah, right. You're a ham-bass-itor. Always Hamilton at heart. And we're off to your hometown today. Yeah, we'll see.

Nacky hard. Nacky hard, brah. You wait till you see the bumpers and stickers. I can't wait. I hope the mountain's looking good today. No, the mountain, you will not. I can guarantee, I've looked at the weather report, you won't see the mountain at all.

Yeah, you might not see it the whole weekend. I'm there for the monger. I'm there for the monger more than I am for this man. A glimpse of the monger. Gosh. Number five on the list of the top six things they missed when putting Auckland in the top ten most livable cities. Every time it rains, we get poopy beaches.

Yeah, we do. So poopy. Yeah, so poopy. There's like two beaches you can swim in. It's such a problem, there's a website you can go onto. Yeah, there is. Yeah, it's www.ismybeachpoopytoday.com. Shitbeaches.co.nz.

It'll tell you how much. Speaking of which, number four on the list of the top six things they missed when putting Auckland in the top ten liveable cities. Flooding. That's new. More rain overnight. Rain a bit overnight. I was driving to work. I was like, cool. All those culverts that were blocked in February caused all those problems. They're blocked again.

I loved it. Such good stuff. Number three on the list of the top six things they missed when putting Auckland in the top ten most liveable cities. The fact it's built on a volcanic field. We are a volcano. Every hill you see was once a volcano and could again be a volcano. Number two on the list of the top six things they missed when putting Auckland in the top ten most liveable cities. The Fort Street toilets.

Special shout out to the Fort Street toilets. No, High Street toilets. High Street toilets. High Street's got some bad toilets too, though, but not the ones you went to the Fort Street toilets. No, High Street toilets. High Street toilets. High Street's got some bad toilets too, though, but not the ones you went to. Basically any toilets. Any public toilet. Not bad, depending on what you're looking for.

If you're looking to shoot heroin in your bumhole, there is no nicer place than the High Street toilets. I've never done it, but I don't imagine that's how you do it. You don't want people seeing your traps. Yeah, okay. No, the toilets on High Street, something's got to be done. You don't want people seeing your traps. Yeah, okay. No, the toilet's on High Street. Something's got to be done. Something else.

Something simply must be done. You don't even know they're there. Yeah. And then you find them and you're like, it's Aladdin's cave. Yeah. Except no treasure. Diseases.

And number one on the list of the top six things they missed when putting Auckland in the top ten most livable cities. Traffic. Special shout out to Ford Ranger drivers. Oh, you don't like them because you feel insecure in your chimney, don't you? Oh, no, I don't

feel insecure. I feel like a happy man plodding along at 95 k's an hour. And then they are a large Ford Ranger driver, so close up my ass they can see my heroin tracks. I've actually had a Ford Ranger driver

pull up alongside me and say, I believe you've got hemorrhoids. And I'd be like, you must have been close to see, you were right up my ass. Is it just Ford Ranger

drivers or any you? Like what about Mitsubishi Triton drivers? Ford Ranger. There used to be an ad that said not every black cab, no, not every cab is be an ad that said not every black cab, no, not every cab is a black cab company cab

but every black cab company, every black cab, anyway, whatever. Oh my god, put that on a t-shirt. Oh my god, that's a lot of rambling. Not every driver is an arsehole. But every Ford Ranger driver is. Is, alright. Yeah, right. You can't just tar the brush on every

Yeah. We've got a U, yeah. Oh, what's your one? Matt Mazda. You're a Mazda. We're a Mazda. The Mazda U. The Mazzy. Yeah.

If they're right up your ass, they're in a Ford Ranger. Okay. That is today's top six. I am reading a stat and I'm sorry, but this is going to cause one of those arguments. If you're in the car with your partner right now. Yeah.

What if you jump out? Tuck and roll. Hopefully not the driver. Passenger, tuck and roll. Tuck and roll. Go, go, go. Get out of here. Get out of here.

Get out of here. Okay, now they're gone. There's been a study into happiness and this isn't just some random, like, last 100 people. This was, like, actually done by people, psychologists. Oh, actual people. Yeah, and a guy called someone, Dolan,

who works and teaches at the London School of Economics and has written a book, Happy Ever After. Oh, okay. And uses evidence of his own and also the American Time Use Survey, which compares pleasure levels, levels of pleasure and misery. Oh, my God. Misery business. And unmarried, married, divorced, separated, and widowed individuals.

Okay. So, men. I mean, some of those straight out the gate you feel like will be more miserable. Widowed. Just ask your husband. Unless he was a prick. Oh, yeah. And now you're rich.

And now you've got a bit of money and he's a rich prick. And now you've got a bit of money and you can do whatever you want. If it was controlling, now you're free. But men get married. Great for us. Married men are happy. Married men are happier. Married men are happier. They live a little longer.

They take less risks and they earn more money at work. Right. Woman, don't get married. Apparently you'll never be happy, as happy as you were if you weren't married. That's because they have to deal with you. Uh-huh. So only the homosexual men should get married because that's man-man. Oh, yeah.

Double happiness. That's a spanner in the works. The healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married and never had children. Technically me. They live longer. But you're technically married. Well, I'm basically married.

Well, until there's a ceremony. Exactly. You're not married. Absolutely DTF. Wait, what about me? Single man with a cute cat. No kids. And no kids.

And the no kids bit feels important. You don't make the list. Oh, lame. But you would not be as happy as men who were married. Because apparently that was the highest happiness of men. I feel quite happy. I look at Fletch's life sometimes and I'm like, oh, I want that one.

So he went on to say that the traditional values are changing. Like you see a woman of 40 who's never had children and not married and people used to say, oh, bless, it's a shame, isn't it? Maybe one day you'll meet the right guy and that'll change. And he says, no, now maybe she'll meet the wrong guy and that'll change and she'll meet a guy who makes her far less happy and healthy and she'll die sooner. I feel like that's a single woman who is happy,

a single woman that is happy, the happiest subgroup, that is the punishment is always being asked, don't you want kids? Yeah. Don't you want kids? Tick, tock, tick, tick, tick. Yeah. How old are you?

That would be your one downside. 33. Ooh. Well, you should find this book. It's called Happy Ever After and it's written by, let me find his last name, Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioral science. Right. But then if you're in a marriage and you read this book,

won't you just want to get rid of your husband? Maybe, yes. But then that could be beneficial to you because maybe this is the book that's going to get you moving towards happiness, or it's going to be the book that starts you putting things in place to make you happier in your marriage. I think the book, does the book say that you cannot be happy as a woman in a marriage?

No, you can be. Surely not. As a general rule. In general, you are less happy. This is the other thing. When they asked the question of people with their partners in the room, they all said they were happy. They asked people without their partners in the room, they all said they were happy. They asked people without their partners in the room.

It dropped significantly. Like out of 10. Oh, that makes me sad. But why do people... Life's too short. Life's too short. Yeah, I guess they bogged down with admin, right? They can't get out.

Rent doubles. Rent doubles. Yeah. Bills double. You've got to sell the house. Yeah. You can't split the dog. And it's hard to split a dog because it doesn't really function.

Do you go down the middle like long ways so you each get an eye? Yeah. Or one of you gets the tush and one of you gets the face? Because if you're going to go that way, you need to go further up the body because there's more head to take into account than the... Than the tail end. Yeah. So you're getting less dog if you go exactly down the middle.

It's like if you got that half. Depends what kind of dog too. Sausage dog. Okay, because the tail won't do much damage, but on like a retriever or a Labrador, the super waggy, big, strong, waggy tail. And the poops. Yeah, lots of poops.

But then if you get that half of the dog with the tail, how's it going to eat? Because it's got no head. So what would be most poops? Could, lots of poops. You'll do poops. But then if you get that half of the dog with the tail, how's it going to eat? Because it's got no head. So what would be most poops? Could you clone the dog? Expensive. Expensive, yeah. Split the...

This is why it's just easy to stay together and be unhappy, isn't it? Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley, silly little poes, silly little poes. How do you wish your friends happy birthday? It's today's Silly Little Pole This is not an in-person option This is if you're not going to see them or maybe you're going to see

them later on, but you want to get in there and wish them happy birthday in a non-traditional face-to-face manner. I just do a personal message. It's either Messenger or Instagram and you just say, hey, happy birthday. Thinking of you. A lot of people do a story.

Sometimes I will if I really care about the person. Well, I. Watch this space. Wow. See what my Instagram does today. Wow, it's my birthday. I can't wait. You'd now spend your whole birthday like checking my Instagram.

Waiting for it. Waiting for it. You've got to remember to tag them in so they can share it. Yes. In case everybody that follows them forgot that it's their birthday. Yes. Nothing's worse than opening it forgot that it's their birthday. Yes. Nothing's worse than opening it up and it's like,

the first one is a repost and then you just see the top of it. It's just like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You're like, what? You know, just one. Pick your favourite to share. One or two or three or four.

Maybe five, Max. I'll do three. I'll do five. So in our poll, we asked, an Instagram post or a Facebook story, Facebook post, direct message or call? 79% Facebook post, direct message or call.

79% of people said direct message. Yeah. It's more personal, right? It is more personal. I mean, I'll call my mum and dad and be, you know, like the top sort of five people in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Call them. I think I didn't call you. Facebook post, 12%. That's the second most

popular. Okay. I still love a Facebook wall post. Same. Especially if it's an embarrassing photo. It's got to be an embarrassing photo. Of course. An Instagram post or story, 6%. And calling, 4%.

4% of people will call. Courtney says, honestly, it depends on the friend. For most people, it's a DM. If you're a good friend, you'll get a Facebook post and a throw really like you an Instagram story that you're tagged in. Oh, yeah. Obviously, I'd never call anyone because I'm a millennial. Of course.

Kathy says, I always text slash sing the happy birthday song with a personal message and then a call later. I love that. A little Marilyn Monroe performance. She's doubling down. Jessie said I'll do almost all four if it's a very good friend. Yeah, okay.

Very good friend. It depends on the tier of friends, says Anstey. Anstey? I've never seen this name before. A-N-S-T-E-Y. Anstey. Like you're antsy. That's antsy, yeah. Or angsty.

It's kind of in between. It depends on the tier of friend. First tier is call, text, DM, then Instagram story, then Facebook wall post. Yeah, all of that. All of it. All of the above. Hannah says, direct message, messenger, and Facebook Insta. I really like to cover my bases if it's one of my besties,

but normally a direct message or a Facebook if it pops up telling me it's their birthday. Georgia, make a TikTok montage of their best bits. Oh, yeah, okay.

TikTok montage. Montage. I don't take enough videos of my friends to make a montage. I absolutely hate it when my mum posts all over Facebook

to her friends, especially when she uses a baby photo. Mostly the awkward ones, says Lucy. And then an auntie will comment in the comments, Happy birthday! Oh, yes, happy birthday! That's the worst.

Someone hijacking your Facebook wall post with a comment saying happy birthday. My mum's a shopper at it. Do an individual. I'm happy for mum to piggyback on a birthday wish. Yeah. Hair all there. Well, I'm happy for mum to piggyback on a birthday wish. Yeah. Hair all there. Well, I cannot wait for my birthday stories today. I'll think about it.

I'm thinking about it. Wow. Playing hard to get. Most of the photos of you and I together are pretty blurry. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's Secret Stash. Time for another round of our Secret Stash game, Splitter Steel.

It's all thanks to Marvel Studios' Secret Invasion, an original series streaming now exclusively on Disney+. Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Olivia Colman, isn't it? Yep. I was about to say Olivia Rodrigo. I knew you were for some reason because I was expecting to hear it. Ben Mendelsohn, he's an amazing Australian actor who's been in so much stuff.

He's such a good actor. Yeah, Amelia Clarke as well from Game of Thrones. So if you need a new show, Marvel Studios' Secret Invasion. Now, shapeshifting. It's why we're doing Split or Steal because you don't know who to trust. Don't I? Correct. Who's who? Who's lying?

The Skrulls are invading, but because they they can shape shift and look exactly like people we know and love who can we trust you know if there was a scroll amongst us it's vaughn why why why why uh eve good morning good morning good morning you're up. You're playing today with Ella. Good morning, Ella. Good morning. What's up? Okay, so we have $500 prize money to give away. Now, how it works is you can both decide to split it, like our contestants did yesterday. They both went home with $250, or you could steal.

Now, if one of you steals and the other doesn't, you get the cash, all of it. But if you both steal and you're both greedy, you both go home empty-handed. Now, Eve, what would you like the money for? Well, I would ideally put it towards uni, but probably a new phone. Oh, my God.

Do you remember course-related costs and you just have, like, the best month ever? Yes, yeah. Not a lot of it went to course, did it? No. Okay, well, that would go a long way. Yeah. Even $250 to a new phone would be good money.

Yeah, for sure. Ella, what about you? What do you want with the money? I've got $500 left on my student loan, so I would love to have that done and dusted. Oh, my God. Even like $250 would be a good chunk. That would be half gone.

Oh, for sure. For sure. And then I can put my wages on it, and it's done. Oh, my God. I remember when I paid off my student loan. It was the best feeling. Mine was only last year, and it was so fun. Yeah, and then you get all this extra money.

Yeah, then your paycheck comes, and you're like, what's this? Yeah, you get free money. It's free money. You didn't even know. Extra 13%. Yeah. Yeah, then your paycheck comes and you're like, what's that? Yeah, you get free money. It's free money. You didn't even know. Yeah, exactly. We're going to put Ella into the cone of silence. Now, this just leaves us, Eve.

Okay. Now, Eve, Ella did say she's got $500 remaining. Yeah. But she also said $250 would be good. She'd just pay the rest with her wages eventually. Well, that's half of $500 remaining. Yeah. But she also said $250 would be good. She'd just pay the rest with her wages eventually.

Well, that's half of $500. It really comes down. Good God. I knew you were smart. Yeah, because I worked it out because if they split it and it's $500, that's $250 also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of, you know.

You're saying double. I'm blowing my mind, yeah. You are. Eve, would you be open to splitting, do you think? Yes, I, yeah. A lot of, you know. You're really on my mind, yeah. You are. Eve, would you be open to splitting, do you think? Yes, I would be. Do you think she's going to be open to splitting, though? Well, I don't think so, because, like, obviously,

a new phone doesn't sound as significant as paying off. Hey, communication in this day and age is key. We have to stay connected to friends, family all across the world. A new phone is integral. So true. I just want to make you feel better about your shallow purchase. Now, okay, Eve, well, you need to decide. Just remember, though, if you both steal, you get nothing.

If you both split. So, Eve, would you like to lock in split or steal? I'll lock in split. You're locking in split. We're going to put you into the cone of silence, Eve. And we are going to bring out of the cone of silence,

Ella. Good morning, Ella. Again. Good morning. Now, Eve has locked in her answer. We're not going to tell you what Eve has chosen. But you won't believe.

What are you leaning towards? Oh, no, I would love to steal, but I have a feeling she's going to steal, so it's not really leaving me with any options. Why do you think she's going to steal from you? Because, let's be honest, she's probably going to buy a new iPhone. They ain't cheap.

And $250 is a drop in the bucket. This reminds me of, like, sword fighting with my brother as a child. Whoever swung the stick... Who gave you swords? Oh, we had sticks. Okay, okay. But whoever swung the stick first was in an automatic advantage because you were...

So the minute the sticks were picked up, you just started swinging because you said she's going to steal. You're giving her the power here. But if you swing first, you could have the power. Yeah, but her thinking is, she thinks that Eve's gone steal. Right. Ella's thinking is, if I say steal, we both get nothing. If I say split, then at least she'll get it all.

What sort of person are you, Ella? Yeah. What person do I want to be today? Oh, my God, you're so me. I don't know. Depends on who woke up this morning. Yeah, the vibe. You know what? Let's be selfish

today and let's go steal. Okay, you are locking in steal. I'm locking in. We're going to bring out of the cone of silence, going to conference you back in with Eve. Hey. Hello Ella. She's nervous. Oh my conference you back in with Eve. Hey. Hello, Ella.

She's nervous. Oh, my God, Eve's holding me. Hey. Now, Ella, why don't you tell Eve what you have decided to do for Split or Steal? Putting me first? I have chosen to steal. Sorry, Eve. Eve, what was your decision?

Splits. Oh, Ella. Oh, my bad. Dude, at least pretend. At least put a bit of... Hayley, you and Jack in school, say my bad as in like you actually mean it. Oh, my bad.

Yeah, there you go. More warble in the throat. Dude, my bad as in like you actually mean it. My bad. Yeah, there you go. More warble in the throat. My bad. Wow. My bad. I actually am sorry, Eve. I hope you get a new phone soon. Do you just sound like that all the time?

That didn't sound sincere at all. That didn't sound sincere either. It is the nature of the game. It is. And I'm sorry, Eve, I am devastated for you, but Ella, you've officially paid off your student loan. Woo! Yay!

Shout out Victoria Uni. Eve, does that kind of give you a little tiny bit of warm fuzzy that at least Ella's paid off her student loan? Oh, absolutely. And the good news is because she's paid off her student loan, she's going to be able to buy a new phone. Doesn't leave you with anything. Don't leave more than buy a new phone. Doesn't leave you with anything. Don't leave more than she's been hurt.

Doesn't leave you with anything. Sorry. Congratulations, Ella. $500 and your student loan free. Well done. Oh, my God. That's amazing. You guys have made my week.

Thank you. Thank you for playing as well, Eve. It's all thanks to Marvel Studios' Secret Invasion and Original Series. It's streaming now exclusively on Disney+. We do this every Friday. Final rankings. Yep. Today.

This rules. Pedestrian TV have done a rankings of a study that showed which Aussie cities would be safest during a zombie apocalypse. What'd they say? I kind of disagree. Brisbane was number one. You've never been to Brisbane?

Never been to Brisbane. We simply must do a trip with Tourism Queensland. Oh my god, it's beautiful. What about the Gold Coast? We simply must. Why would I go to Brisbane? We simply must do a trip with Tourism Queensland. Oh, my God. It's beautiful. It's lovely. What about the Gold Coast? I went.

Straight into Malula Bar. Yeah, I think I went to the movie place when I was. Movie world. Like nine. Oh, okay. Right. So you've been to the Goldie. Yeah.

When you were a kid. Yeah, straight to Maloo's. So Brisbane was first. I think you go straight into Cooley. Yeah, you go straight into Cooley. Yeah, straight in the loose. So Brisbane was first. I think you go straight into Cooley. Yeah, you go straight into Cooley. So what was the reasoning for Brisbane

being best in a zombie apocalypse? So it balanced the best apparently. It balanced out the best. So Sydney had the best

surprise. Yeah. You jump out of the zombie like, surprise! Whack! Sydney had the best surprise Best supplies? Yeah. You jump out at the zombie like, Surprise! Whack! Sydney had the best supplies.

And Melbourne had the best hideouts where you had to hide. Yeah. Perth was, isolation was on its side. Yeah, because I was going to say, why would you go in a dense city where everyone, more people, more zombies? Hobart was the lowest. Oh, I was at Hobart.

Me too, because you're on an island. Yeah. And they can't get to you. And then once you've kind of eliminated the zombies on the island. Yeah. Like New Zealand did. We eliminated the virus. Exactly.

I would have thought that would have been way better. So final rankings today on the back of this. We now will rank, attempt to rank the top cities for a zombie apocalypse in New Zealand. We're going cities only. Now, that kind of changes my number one, because I was thinking, would you go somewhere like a central Otago? Beautiful wines. Beautiful.

You've got vineyards that you could take over and live in. Eat the grapes, drink the grapes. Yeah, drink, exactly. You've got, you know, the land so you could feed yourself. Yeah. But then, and I don't know. Cold, though. You've got hills as well,

because zombies can't walk up hills, eh? No, they can't. Or they can't put the chains on their car to get up the Crown Range in the middle of winter. But then you've got the problem of supplies. Yeah. And medical supplies and all those sorts of things. We're living in a city or...

You just raid a Mitre 10. A White Cross. Yeah. Or a Unic you just raid a white cross. Yeah. Or a unicam for the antibiotics and stuff. Yeah. So we've got 20 cities officially in New Zealand. Gisborne being the smallest and Auckland being the largest. Okay. Love Gizzy.

Well, what are you going to go then? I'm sort of with you in the central Otago sort of. I bet we're going to a city. I might just go live up at Can I go live up at Cardi's? I'll just take them you in the central Otago sort of... I bet we're going to go to City. I might just go live up... Can I go live up at Cardi's? Kadrona? I'll just take them over to the Quad. Just for rides and...

Is Blue Canoe open in Queenstown? The ingredients are all there. Fifth Street open in Christchurch? The zombie apocalypse got all the staff. See, I think Christchurch would be a good... Oh, do you reckon? Yeah, there's something about Christchurch. It's flat, so if you had to run...

Oh, yes. Good call. Oh, yeah. You don't need running up windy, bloody, windy Wellington. Yeah. And that's the thing about Wellington. If there was some cardio involved,

if you had to get away. Oh, yeah. A lot of running. And in Christchurch, you could live in one of the high-rises so you can keep an eye on things and you can see a lot further in Christchurch. Yes.

And it's a big city. He's smart. You're smart. Sharnay's got a friend called Renee who's an engineer. And one time, Renee and I literally sat down an entire evening. All we talked about was how we would go about surviving. Wow. What was Christchurch city you settled on?

Well, we never really, because we were both living in Auckland at the time. So we were just talking about our current situation and where we were living. And how somewhere like a Mitre 10 Mega would be really good, because get in, shut the gates, and then it's got those fences out by the building yard that are strong enough to keep people out, so it's strong enough to keep people. And then you've got building supplies.

Yeah. There's always like... Yeah, there's a cafe there for using... Yeah, but in all seriousness, there's a cafe there with an oven and stuff so you could cook in it. But you'd be better to take over, if you were going to take over a hardware store, it would have to be by a supermarket for the supplies. No, but what about the garden centre?

Go in, put down the soil, plant the seeds, grow your own food. That was one of our things. You wouldn't even need to take them out of the, like tomatoes, you could literally put a hole in the compost and plant it in there. Right. Or get all the pots out and grow it you've got the watering systems

and everything yeah but how are you going to live in a Bunnings or a Mitre 10 without the staff there to tell you which aisle things are in

you'd figure it out I reckon you might have time and they've got offices that you can convert into bedrooms they've got barbecues if electricity goes out

yeah so it's rather more it's more that you just take over a Mitre 10 than a city. So the top city for New Zealand is Mitre 10. A Mitre 10 mega. Okay, right. God, this is the first final rankings in which we all just simply agree. I will not go to Bunnings because it's Australian owned.

Australian zombies are the worst. They're worse than Kiwi zombies. Hi, mate. Hi, mate. All right. All right. All right. All right.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, we announced a couple of days ago, Taylor Swift, the news is everywhere. You know this by now. MCG Melbourne, the 16th and 17th of Feb and Sydney, a core stadium, huge stadiums. That'll be the 23rd, 24th and 25th and a week today. Those tickets go on sale. You can comment on the

ZM Instagram for a chance to win a trip to Melbourne and also all the details at ZM Online if you enter your ERA's outfit, you and a friend, you could be in to win tickets to see her in Melbourne flights accommodation and we'll hook you up with that ERA's outfit as well. Do friend, you could be in to win tickets to see her in Melbourne flights accommodation and we'll hook you up with that ERA's outfit as well.

Do you know who really wants to go to the Taylor Swift concert? It's Auckland reporter Caroline Williams. Good morning, Caroline. Morning, how are you guys? Really good. Now, we caught wind of your conundrum. Taylor Swift announced coming to Melbourne and Sydney, the closest we're going to get here in New Zealand to seeing Tay-Tay.

Have you seen her before? Yes, I went to her Reputation Stadium tour in 2018. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. There's something wrong, though, with the dates that Taylor Swift is coming to New Zealand. What's the calendar clash? Yeah, so she happens to be performing on the week that I'm getting

married. What a B. What a B. So you're getting married on the On the 24th of February. So yeah, I guess the struggle for me is that the Melbourne dates are like a week before the wedding, which I could go to.

But just the risk of getting COVID. Dude, what if you got COVID? Oh, yeah. I was just going to say, you're going to be amongst tens of thousands of people. Yeah. Yeah, it would just ruin the whole wedding. And also, like... And, you know, a lot of money spent there.

Yeah. I've never had a wedding, but I imagine the week before a wedding is not when you just take off a couple of days and go overseas. Like, I'd imagine it's pretty stressful and hectic and you've got to organise a lot of things. As a dude that got married, I just kind of turned up. I mean, that week was pretty... So those are the Sydney dates. What dates your wedding?

The Saturday, the 24th? Yeah, so my wedding is on the same day as the Sydney concert. Oh, could you go the next day? Well, that's the thing. I just, oh, that just sounds a bit hectic. And I'm really not sure that that's the honeymoon that my fiancé thought that we would have.

This is what I'm saying. If I did that to Aaron and I said, okay, I'm so looking forward to the wedding day and I'm going to have a great night with you and, you know, we'll go to bed, but I will be leaving at 5am. I'm going to be getting up and heading to the wedding day, and I'm going to have a great night with you, and we'll go to bed, but I will be late. At 5 a.m., I'm going to be getting up and heading to the international airport.

Yeah, see, I just don't know. Now, Caroline, are we considering moving the wedding? I mean, you've got plenty of lead-in time. I have told the fiancé that he's on Sten Ice. If he annoys you. That's a joke, That's a joke. In case he's listening. But yeah, I have actually considered,

we were going to do some international travel in 2025. And I was like, well, what if we brought it forward to August and went to see her in London at Wembley? Whoa. Oh, wow. But then like how, that would be impossible to get tickets to, surely. Or would it be easier, do you think? I don't know. I've registered. I'm on the list. Oh, you're serious. Well get tickets to, surely. Or would it be easier, do you think? I don't know. I've registered.

I'm on the list. Oh, you're serious. Well, so you, okay. So moving the wedding's not really something you can do because I'm guessing you've paid like deposits and stuff. Yeah. Who do you love more? Your husband?

Husband to be? Or Taylor Swift? No comment. It's time. What a predicament. Yeah, I've got it This was worst case scenario For me

Yeah Because what about Friends as well Would they Skip your wedding To go to this Like would you skip A friend's wedding

To go to this concert That's a good point I haven't actually Thought of that Yeah There's some Discussions to be had there I think yeah

Oh god Matt You're in a conundrum. I mean, a lot of people are. It's wedding season. I think Tay didn't read the room that in Melbourne, in Australia, sorry, in New Zealand, Feb is wedding season. There is in February and end of January. I'm at a wedding every weekend, basically.

Yeah, yeah. It's also, you know, you mentioned that I'm a reporter, so it would be rude not to plug my story, but yesterday I wrote 25 reasons why Taylor Swift should come to New Zealand, and many of those reasons being that Australia just really isn't accessible for a lot of Kiwi fans. I've been reading your points.

Travel to Australia is expensive. Also, this is one of my favourite points from your list. The carbon emissions would be just a drop in the water. Rather than all of New Zealand flying to Australia, if she just came here, that's one person. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah, 100%. It's so much better for the environment if she comes to New Zealand. Containerships full of stage equipment. What if she came to New Zealand, though? You'd still be in the same conundrum. Well, it wouldn't be on the wedding day because she'll be in Sydney on the wedding day. Oh, you're true.

And I think with those dates either side of Australia, I would have time if she came before to get better if I got COVID. And then after would be fine anyway. Wow. Good luck with this conundrum. I know. Good luck. I hope you get to see her, be it Sydney, Melbourne, or Wembley in London.

Thank you. Caroline, thank you so much for chatting to us. Thank you. Kia ora. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley. Check out ZM's Instagram to win, a band to win, a trip to see her in Melbourne, Sydney, Australia. And even though it has 278,000 comments on that post, it's still better than your chance of winning $26 million in Lotto this week.

Is it 26 or 30? Don't curse me. 30, I think, actually. My dude. Yeah. We've got to buy a Lotto ticket today from one of those weird little country stores. Oh, yes. And then people will actually be happy for you.

Yeah, yeah. No one wants an Aucklander to win. Yeah, yeah. But we wants an Aucklander to win. Yeah, but we were Aucklanders on tour. Those are the worst ones. Now, just quickly from the news season, we'll update you at 8 o'clock. Brin Brin will be all over this in the news at 8 o'clock, but State Highway 2 is closed from Gisborne to Matawai,

and State Highway 35 closed from Gisborne City to Ruatoria. Also, further south, State Highway 5 is closed between Napier and Taupo and State Highway 2 from Napier to Wairoa. So much rain. There is a state of emergency in Taitawhiti, Gisborne, facing two more days of torrential rain. They are expecting there's heavy rain warning in place. MetService saying there should be up to 260 mils of rain

could accumulate around Tolliga Bay by midday Sunday. And that's on top of what has already fallen. Well, at my house in West Auckland, we've already had an inch of rain since midnight. And at my house in West Auckland, I don't have a roof. You're such a nerd for having a rain gauge. I love a digital rain gauge. Well, I'll update you with the latest at eight in the news.

But your thoughts to everybody in Tide, Arfody and Gizzy because not again. It's just not starting. No one needs more rain in the moment. Yeah. Hey, just before you get into the story, I'd flit to let you know I've done your birthday story. I didn't put a story up.

Thank you. Do you want to have a look at it? Has one done? No, I've got to go find that photo of you nude in front of a Prius. Yes, I want to see that. I don't know how we didn't get arrested in LA for that, honestly. Big night. Big night.

Very nude. Can I see this photo? We were very nude. Very nude. Okay, carry on, please, Vaughan. I would like now to discuss fields of glory where maybe you peaked in a certain aspect. It could be sport. It could be academic.

It could just be where you absolutely – maybe it's where you romanced. It could be a work achievement, a certificate, an award. It could be a bar that you always did famously well with the ladies or the gents. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because my daughter's playing hockey. Holy Grail. Carry on. Oh, my God, the Holy Grail in Christchurch. Yeah. Because my daughter's playing hockey. Holy Grail. Carry on.

Oh, my God, the Holy Grail in Christchurch. Yeah. You remember me and the ladies there. You and the ladies of the Holy Grail. Take them up into the stadium, Fletchy. We used to woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. No. Last, last, last, last, last.

No, that's not a thing. None of that ever happened. No. So Indy's playing hockey and at the awesome North Harbour Hockey Centre, which is I believe our national sort of like hockey stadium. It's very flash. And we were told, never been. I'll take your word for it.

Oh, it's lovely. Oh, you simply must. Have you been? We should go. We should go. I don't know why I've been, but I have been. I'll take you for some hot chips and I've paid for the little key so you get cheap booze.

Yes! I'll take you for some hot chips and some nuggies. So anyway, they told us told us They said next week Your game's at the old hockey fields And I said to Indy Well I don't want to brag Dad's played at the old hockey field Dad played representative hockey

For the under 15 Waikato team And his mum was coach No she didn't coach there She didn't coach the under 15 She coached She coached the intermediate He's a hockey nippo baby She opened the door.

I am the Lily Depp. Of 1990s hockey. Yeah. So I said to her, I was like, this is pretty exciting. You're going to get to play on the field I've played on. And, you know, that's pretty cool. Yeah. I said I scored a goal in one of the tournaments,

in the tournament we played there, and I was stoked. Sure. Because I think usually I played a right half. I wasn't like a big goal one of the tournaments, in the tournament we played there, and I was stoked. Sure. Because I think usually I played a right half. I wasn't like a big goal-scoring fella in the rec team. Lily Depp, Ricky, she scored a goal. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Got an Academy Award. All on her own.

All on my own. So I said, this is exciting. We're driving there, and I'm like, oh, it's up here. And she's like, no, it's not. There's nothing up here. And I said, yeah, no, it's up here. And she's like, no, it's not. There's nothing up here. And I said, yeah, no, it's up here. And I drove up. My beloved field one.

Your field of dreams. My field of dreams. My field of glory has been turned into the ship ponds. And I had no idea. So apparently the reason there is a nice brand new national hockey stadium. Right. They bowled the old one. The council bought in W Waka Kotahi bought it

for a motorway intersection and the ship horns and my beautiful hockey field's gone and she laughed at me. Fair enough. Can't have been that great. Made reference to my playing being about the same

as what's there now. Oh, wow. Which I was wildly impressed with the metaphors there. But you might feel the glory gone. Wow. I'm so sorry. And that's what we want to take calls on this morning. Yeah and then I went down

and told that story to her coach who you remember is a three time Olympic attending black stick. And he looked at me like cool. Cool story. Dad. This has happened to you though too. Yeah not kind of on the same scale but And he looked at me like, cool. Cool story. He's like, dad. This has happened to you though too. Yeah, not kind of on the same scale.

But in the, I think it was 2000, we drew, we painted a wall at my primary school for our centennial celebration. And I went to go look it up the other day and I saw a picture of Muratai School in Esport and they've painted over the damn thing. Now that was there like only a couple of years ago. I'd gone back and been like, yeah, I did this checkerboard bit and that's my handprint and da-da-da-da.

Checkerboard, basically. Oh my God, so trash. So trash. He's not a good artist. I'm surprised they didn't paint over it sooner. Oh, I know. Morgan was the artist of the class but me and Jess. So it's gone. Talking about your former fields of glory that have disappeared. Yeah, I've lost a hockey field where I scored one goal in approximately 1996 or 1997. One goal, good for you.

Yeah. Some text messages in of people who have lost fields of glory. I had a drinking record at the bar in my hometown recently. I went back and it's gone. Okay. That record's been beaten. That just tells me. Were they on the Guinness 100 Club? I want a drinking record at the bar in my hometown recently. I went back and it's gone. Okay. That record's been beaten. That just tells me. Were they on the Guinness 100 Club?

I want a Guinness. Yeah, Aaron wants to get on the Guinness one at the Hua Pai Tav. But the Hua Pai Tav, there's a Guinness 1000 Club. What? They've had a thousand pints of Guinness in their time. Oh, no thanks. It'll be an old boy though. Oh, it'll be an old boy.

Yeah. What do you think of the money? You're drinking a thousand Guinnesses and the average over time price has gone up, but let's say it was $10 a pint. That's $10,000. That's $10,000 on. They should do like a Powell's 1,000 at the bar. That'd be better.

You'd just surpass that. Yeah, you and. What, this year? You and Shaz and Trace. You'd all be up there. Yeah, we'd be loving the Powell's 1,000 club. Right up there. Yeah. I had a record the Powell's 1000 Club. Right up there. Yeah.

I had a record at a local swim club. That's on the phone, is it? No. I had a record at a local swim club that was held for 15 years, went back recently and then removed my times and updated the record with someone whose times were slower than mine. Are you a drug cheat? Maybe you're a drug cheat.

No, that's ruthless. If you've been doing the roids. That would infuriate me. If someone who wasn't as good as me took my place. Because you've still got the bit of time. Jane, your former field of glory's gone, your wedding venue. Yeah, yeah. Vaughan, you might remember Mallow Manor. Mallow Manor?

Is that where they made the Mallow Puffs? No. Where was Mallow Manor? It's on the way the Mallow Puffs? No. Where was Mallow Manor? It's on the way to Cambridge. Oh, I'm not overly... The sad story of Mallow Manor. Right. So it's gone.

I'm sorry to hear about this. They bowl it. I think they might have put it up for sale for a bit. Do you remember it now? They moved it for progress. Oh, okay. The motorway went through that spot, right? The motorway went through it.

And to be fair, the expressway is amazing. Yeah, everyone loves the expressway. Oh, she's come motorway went through that spot, right? The motorway went through it. And to be fair, the expressway is amazing. Yeah, everyone loves the expressway. Oh, she's come around. Jane's come around, hasn't she? Click it on cruise control. The 110. Yeah. And you don't need to turn off.

The 110. The 110 is so good. Oh, how good's the 110? You don't need to disengage that until you're bloody out the other side of Cambridge. No, exactly. Exactly. Should we leave? Good idea.

Do you guys need a moment to talk about your bloody cruise? Talk about the Waikato Expressway. But anyway, going back to Mallor Manor, it was this beautiful, beautiful old house. Right. And it was run by this guy called Christoph. Of course his name's Christoph, running a manor. Christoph at the manor.

He was European, I'm not sure, but he had the best accent. Right. And, yeah he had the best accent. Right. And, yeah, he was so lovely. And he used to, like, he called during the wedding, he would come round the tables and go, would anybody like some sky water? And, which was water. Would anybody like some sky water?

But he called it sky water. It was so funny. And now it's gone. So you'll never have the memories. I mean, you've got the photos and videos, obviously. Yeah. And he also, like, he would call the dove when you got married. He'd call the dove?

Yeah, he would call the dove. And the dove would fly. And they would fly over you as you got married. Yeah. And he had a cat, a lovely, fluffy cat. Okay. A cat and a dove doesn't play a good mix. No, but yeah, it seemed to work.

Every wedding, the cat would bring a, catch a rabbit and bring it back. So this is a wedding gift. So now we've got a cat, a rabbit and a dove. And Skywater. And Skywater. Next time they chuck it in 110 and bang it on cruise control, just south of the Bombay, it's just by Mer Mercer there when you're just mercilessly cruising through to Cambridge and when you all think of the cat

with the dove and the rabbits. And the sky water. And Kristoff and his sky water. More than happy messages coming in for me, it's a lot of birthday messages for you, Carl Pinterfletcher. Happy birthday. I appreciate it. Thank you very much. Happy birthday. 34. Only one year older than me. It's a lot of birthday messages for you, Carl Pinterfletcher. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you very much.

Happy birthday. 34. Only one year older than me. Thank you. Yeah, great. I'm the oldest in the group now. Yeah. Okay, now what?

Come on. Well, you've got to see. We all have to endure this every year. We're all left in the... There's no enduring. I was wondering if he was going to be grateful. Come on, now what now, man, hurry up, is how he's responded to, I'm guessing, Ready Between the Lines.

I'm just saying that we all know that something is going to happen on our birthdays on the show. We're always kept in the dark. Absolutely. And it's anxious. It makes me anxious. Well, to be fair, like, once we did Vaughn's birthday, we just took away all of his fun things.

And once we took away all your fun things, we've literally just got you a series of your favourite things. Oh, amazing. Bring in the favourite things for our beautiful Fletch. Can I, before you do this, can I give a shout out to Shannon at the social media desk in Shanley Pajamas who has... She's taken, she's got her crochet needles. She's got her crochet needles and she has...

Did I just have a stroke? She's got her crochet needles. You do got her crochet needles and she has... Did I just have a stroke? She's got her crochet needles. You do not want to put them anywhere near that. She's not putting them in your crochet needles. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The crochet needles should never go anywhere near the crochet needles. She got her crochet needles and she has knitted Major Murray Fluffington, my cat, an XL cat...

Pink vest. The sweetest little pink vest. She was sending us photos of the ginger cat she was using as a model, and I said, oh, hon, that ginger cat is far skinnier than Murray. No offence. I know. And I don't even know if his neck bit will go through this bit, but we'll try. He's an apartment cat.

He's got nowhere to run. Can't burn it off. But yeah, thank you. I'll get a photo of that up on Sunday when I'm home. Come in, guys. Come in. A few favorite things. Okay.

Start with this one. In lieu of a birthday cake, we got you. That is the best birthday cake anyone could ever receive. The fattest, gooeyest cinnamon rolls. I love cinnamon. That's my top. With a massive don of icing. Slash roll.

Thank you. Loaves of Mama Fiorelli's garlic bread. Is it piping hot? It's piping hot fresh from the oven. Not only did Shannon make you a catfish, she also crocheted your very own Bob the Minion. Yes, because I love Minions. Great.

Your favorite Minion had two eyes because apparently the eyes are the hardest part. Yeah, we've got you a couple of bottles of Ruffino because we know that's your drink of choice. Also your favourite pros. Absolutely, and I can absolutely hoon a pros. And then this present is what do you get the guy that's got everything? Oh, a little wrapping. It's got wrapping.

Okay. Tide pods? A lot of tide pods. There are 168 tide pods. That should do you forever. I thought you said there were no tide pods at Costco. I lied to you. I lied.

I flipped. Well, that's good because I was going to pay you to get some. Yeah. Well, now it's your birthday, so you get tide pods. Oh, my God. Excited. Wish you'd eat one. I've always wanted to try and eat one of these.

No. No, no, no. It's literally cinnamon scrolls and mummified berries. I know. All of my favourite things. Thank you'd eat one. I've always wanted to try and eat one of these. We literally have cinnamon scrolls and mummafiori. I know. All of my favourite things. Thank you, guys. All your favourite things. Wait, so there's no prank or anything?

No prank. Good. The prank is you can't be a skinny this weekend. We are sick to death of your hot body, flaunted in front of us every morning. Eat a cinnamon scroll. Eat some mummafiori. Have some champagne. Thank you, guys. Thank you, eat some Amafia rallies, have some champagne.

Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. You're a treasure. We'll tuck in. Next on the show, we've got some really bad news. This is going to make

using Trade Me and Facebook Marketplace an absolute pain in the a-hole. Yeah, if you thought it was bad enough that you were asked to measure in, I don't know, French inches, how far it was from one shoulder to the other. Yeah. It's about to get a whole lot more painful.

A real pain in the crescendo, you could say. New Zealand Post with some devastating news next. Terrible. This is going to affect all of us. We've gone from high to low. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Oh, my God.

Okay, I'll do this because you guys would eat your cinnamon scroll. I'm having a cinnamon scroll. Shout out to Mint Cakery. Mint Cakery. Just released a book. And the book was amazing. Friend of the show, James, is in studio, by the way. He said no.

He's come for the scrolls and the wine. He said no to a scroll and then he watched our faces eat these scrolls. These are without, and I grew up on these things because my nana made them, and these are my mum's favourite bakery treat. Wow, they look puffy. These are without, and I grew up on these things because my Nana made them, and these are my mum's favourite bakery treat. Wow, they look puffy. These are without a doubt the best cinnamony icing-covered scrolls I have ever tasted. They are fresh, though.

I've got icing on my jeans, but it's worth it. Now, this first appeared on Reddit. Yeah. Now, there is some bad news if you use prepaid postage bags that New Zealand posts sell in all the post shops. You know the little blue ones and it's like $7.50, $5.50, $9.50. They're gone. Well, not yet.

And you go into the post shop because you've got someone to send and you're not sure what size you need and you're like, it'll fit in there and then you ram it in and it tears. You're thumbing in the last bit so that it fits. You sold an extra large Catman do. You're like, I'll get the 550 bag. Just get the air out of this. And then all you've got to do is get that little bit of sticky on there.

And they say there's a weight limit, Ava. You'd always just ram it in there. They don't weigh it. Well, they will be now because this popped up on Reddit. Someone saw they went into their post office and there was a sign. I've got the sign here. What does it say? This is in front of the New Zealand Post prepaid bags.

It says, get your prepaid bags while you still can. 1st of July, New Zealand Post will no longer be selling prepaid bags. That's a week away. So apparently they will still sell bags, but then you have to take it up. They weigh it. They size it. They size it.

Dimensions and weight. And then they will charge you and it is a lot more than you pay for a 3K bag. It's because we've been taking the piss with these bags for so long. If you did a lot of

sending things out, if you had a business that was online based orders and you'd send them out, would you go in and just like bulk buy these? No, those places have like printers

and they print out their own labels and stuff. But I'm talking like if you're just like a little side hustle. Maybe. Where you have been seeing them in these bags, it'll be the cheaper option to go and bulk buy them, right? But you think about any time Facebook Marketplace,

like your clothes are on Trade Me, it's easy just to go, oh, that'll fit in a $4.50 bag. And you just put it on as you're shipping. But now you're going to have to sell it to someone and they're going to be like, I live in Christchurch and you're in Wellington or whatever. Then you've got to be like, oh, well, I'll go to the post shop and see how much it costs.

At this point, I'm just going to the Sally's. Do you know what I mean? I'm just tripping off at the Sally's. It's too much. Is that $10 top worth it now for the two trips you have to make to the post shop? The first one to see how much it costs and then to go back and then go back

and post it. Can you be bothered? This podcast is brought to you by Stamps.com Sign up and you get your original Have you heard those ads in podcasts? No. You haven't heard of Stamps.com ad? No. I think we're just doing a funny We're a lot younger than you. You're in the old female ads. I'm getting targeted for older

things. I think that's a 40s bracket. We're in our 30s. Yeah. And they're like, sign up to stamps.com and we'll send you a digital scale so you'll always know exactly how and then you go on and you print it off and it just charges to your account.

Oh. Because I think there's like an online calculator that you can use so you can put in the dimensions and there's the phone app with the measuring tape so you can kind of measure up.

And Trade Me's got its own like pickup service and all that. I can't even bother. It's a business opportunity. We do a stamps.com here. Stamps.com. Because you literally

print it off at home and stick it on and send it and it just puts it on your account. I think that's what New Zealand Post do anyway.

But this is just for the everyday person that's sending something on Marketplace or Trade Me. This is just now a whole lot of effort. I wonder why.

So it's just a money making thing. They're going. I'm imagining it's costing a fortune. Just raise the price of the bags. They've already gone up before. They're not as cheap as they used to be. Yeah but then have you ever posted anything without it being in one of these bags? It's way more expensive. Really? And also don't put the bag's

price at $7.40 like all of the ones at the moment are $6.47. Just make it $7.50. I know. Make it nice and like a square. It's either a dollar or it's... What about $4.70? I want it to be $4.70. I want it to be $4.75. $4.75 would be okay

though, eh? Only because it falls on the quarter. But don't, like $4.40, $4.60? It's a weird amount no no no let's do some rounding to make this slightly more pleasurable

to look at I literally just went through my old winter wardrobe and stuff that doesn't fit I'm selling it I've got all these

winter coats I wanted to sell they're gonna be so heavy I would just go out now and buy all these bags because they will honour them no I'm doing pick up only pick up only

nobody wants to drive like 800km to where you live in the middle of nowhere pick up only it's a good jacket wool someone's driving up state highway 1 from Wellington Pick up, I only. Nobody wants to drive like 800 k's to where you live in the middle of nowhere. North-west Auckland. Come on, pick up, I only. It's a good jacket, wool. Someone's driving up State Highway 1 from Wellington.

It's a good jacket. It's a good jacket. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's time for... I was pouring up bubbles. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Can I just say my rejected fact of the day that I put forward to the group about the guy that got back in an ex-girlfriend

is actually coming up. The story. It's an incredible story. It's got more of a story vibe than a fact of the day. Good story. I want to give you a big fat stain you're laying. This week, the Titanic has been involved in

a lot of headlines. Do you know, this is why this fact of the day has popped up to my attention. Do you know in what little side fact here, in WhatsApp, in the WhatsApp, the yellow submarine gif is the number one gif. God, I read the room, you know in what little side fact here, in WhatsApp, in the app WhatsApp, the yellow submarine gif is the number one gif. Guys, read the room, you know. Read the room. Have you been on TikTok and social media the last few days?

It's so sad. It's ruthless. One of the biggest things that I've learned out of this whole horrendous ordeal is how bloody close it was to Boston, the Titanic. This is everybody I've talked to. I'm like, where did you think the Titanic sunk? Middle of the Atlantic. Middle of the Atlantic.

I was like, this is where I, and I dropped a pin, and I captured the map, and I was like, this is where I reckon it was. And all my mates were like, absolutely, that's where it is. Yeah. It's not. It's, what, 1,500 miles off Boston? You look at it, you're like, I could swim there.

You can't. You couldn't. But the feeling. You could turn to the freezing cold water. It was very close. What was Iceberg doing there? Yeah. Wouldn't happen nowadays

No it wouldn't Thanks to global warming Oh I hate going By the way Don't watch Planet 2 On Netflix Oh what I thought it would be a fun watch

Watch some animals Oh no It's all doom and gloom It's bad I was like oh polar bear Oh he's dead There's no ice God that polar bear looks great

Oh no they're not Supposed to be skinny Yeah yeah Oh no God what's your routine Mr Mr. Polar Bear? Doing keto. Yeah, he's on the keto bus, which he kind of is. A lot of salmon and seals and explorers.

And today's fact of the day is about the Titanic, something I did not know. In July 2001, an American couple got married on the deck of the Titanic. In July 2001? An American couple got married on the deck of the Titanic. In July 2001. An American couple got married on the deck of the Titanic. David Lebowitz and Kimberly Miller were lowered in the submarine, the same submarines that the Titanic movie used to get footage of it,

to hover just above the deck of the Titanic. And above the water, Captain Ron Warwick officiated from the operations room of a Russian research ship. I was going to say, you're not allowed to touch it. I thought you were going to say they were in like suits or so. That's way too low. Way too low. Were they in a bridal dress and a suit in the sub?

The dress she wore was flame retardant. I'm not sure why. You're in the water. I think if you put a fire down there. Famously, water puts out fire and then water it.

Yeah. How many miles is it down? Four and a bit miles? Yeah, so 4,000 Ks. 4,000 metres. Sorry, 4,000 metres, yeah. 4,000 Ks.

Yeah, good lord. It's a moon or something. Very. It's the moon. God, it's as far as the moon. So, they agreed to do it only if they could avoid a media circus, but then that did not happen. And this was even before social media.

But everybody got wind of it. Right. He'd won it in a competition because he was a diver. Oh, okay, right. And won it from this company called Subsea Explorer. And then they paid for their wedding and their honeymoon and they got lowered down in the submarine just to above the deck of the Titanic.

Absolutely not. No, no, no. All the videos of the submersible, the news this morning, it's bad. Unfortunately, the story's ended, hasn't it? It's confirmed that wreckage has been found. But when you see the tours, the media tours of the submersible,

no way in a God. It's a big no from me. So many red flags. It looked like it was made in someone's backyard garage. It feels like being stuck in a hydroslide tube. Yeah. Like that feels like the width of it. Yeah.

There's four other dudes there. Horrible stuff. And you've lost your mat. Yeah. Oh, and you're kind of stuck on the dry part of the hydroslide. You won't know this, but sometimes on a hydroslide, if you go face down, your n On the dry part of the hydra slide And then you You won't know this But sometimes on a hydra slide If you go face down Your nipples

Hit the edges of the tubing The patriarchy makes me Cover my nipples Yeah Of course So I have to Yeah But I would love the sensation

Of No you don't want the sensation I'm saying Nipple clip on every joint It's like that It's every joint If we're getting free the nip I have to take the good with the bad

You know Well you can look forward Maybe one day When the patriarch Let lets you go nip free at the Hydra Slide Park to... It's horrible. If the patriarch could do something about the fat kid pushing in line behind me, that's who it was terrifying on Hydra Slide too. You're going to come around the corner and you're going to stop and you're like, uh-oh,

I remember seeing who was behind me. And you hear... I'm having so much fun. And you're trying to scramble to get your hunched over, running, trying to find a bit of wet so you can start to slide down on the nipples again. Boom! And then he lands on top of you in the bottom of the pool.

It's when you land on the hydro slide, it's like you just splash into the water and then you're like, okay, I've got about two seconds to get out of here. Right on top of you. So today's fact of the day is in July 2001, an American couple got married on the deck of the Titanic. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- been told well and truly to stay in my lane. Declined. But we gave you an 8.38, so. We gave you an 8.38.

We've got a prime time spot, absolutely, for this story. And I want to ask this morning, has anybody ever got back at their ex? And, no, I want to say in a clever way. Like, I don't want, like, nasty stories. Yeah. Because, you know, like, relationships do end. Yeah, it ruins his life.

Yeah, bad. Don't do that. Relationships can end bad sometimes. But maybe, you know, maybe there's a little reason, like maybe you were cheated on. Maybe they deserved it a little bit without being like super nasty. He cut his penis off.

See, I'm not looking for those stories, but I would love to know how you got back at Anne and Nick. So this was one I proposed for a fact of the day, but this is a legendary story. In 2012, a man in Chicago, he broke up with his girlfriend, Jennifer Fitzgerald. Oh, great name. Great name.

Great name. I would call her Jenny Fitz. Jenny Fitz. Jenny Fitz. So this guy breaks up with Jenny Fitz, and it can't have been a good breakup. He goes out and buys a $600 crappy car, and he drives that car to Chicago's O'Hare Airport and leaves it in the parking lot. Now, when he bought this car, he registered it. Oh, my God, that's good.

He registered it under Jenny Fitz's name. And her address, I imagine, and all her details. So in the end, the city city, the city of Chicago, I guess it must have been a council car park, they find this car and they're like, this car has been here for a long time. And quite often cars are abandoned at airports because people just get the hell out.

Yeah, totally. And it's like, that's someone else's problem to deal with. Yeah. Well, she finally settled with the city of Chicago after she was left with more than $100,000 in parking fines. Jesus. Originally, it was $100,000. It got down to a payment of $1,600,

which she was paying off at $78 a month. She admitted to paying. I wouldn't pay a dollar. There was nothing she could do. The car was registered to her. She couldn't get out of it. She couldn't say, well, my ex did this pay a dollar. There was nothing she could do. The car was registered to her. She couldn't get out of it. She couldn't say, well, my ex did this as a joke or to get back at me. No proof.

No proof. So she had to settle with them. And, yeah, she ended up having to pay $1,600 after the car was sat there for years and years and years. Better than $100,000. But I'm so stubborn. I'd be like, absolutely not. Yes.

That's clever. That's very, what's the word? Vindictive. Calculated. Calculated. Yeah, and vindictive. Yeah, it is very vindictive. That's why I asked for the lighthearted stories

because I would love to know how you got back at an ex. Maybe it was just a little something. I don't know if you went to the effort of buying a $600 car and registering it because anybody can do that, right? Yeah, you can do it. You don't do ID for a rego. You just put in the info. I thought when you were changing ownership,

you had to do like a license number or something. Maybe, maybe it's optional. Maybe he had access to it. I know all of Aaron's details. He may have had a copy. As a little warm up, someone said something that they thought would be a good idea. They haven't done it.

I'm tempted to put the mashed potato flakes on the lawn of my ex. So when it rains, here's a lawn full of mashed potato. Wait, but then. You know that like fake potato stuff? Yeah, like dust potato. People that put grass seed in carpet. Yeah. And then turn the air con on humid.

All right, well, 0800-DARLZEN-M is the number. Text in 9696. What have you done to get back at an ex? Give us a call. So it's a legendary story of a man in Chicago that bought a $600 car, parked it at the Chicago airport, and registered that car to his ex. And she ended up with $100,000 in fines. Man.

We are asking this morning, man, some people get nasty in a breakup. Literally like seven calls on the line and tons of messages. You vindictive people. How did you get back at an ex? Some messages in. Yeah, we had Instagram responses.

I slept with his cousin while my ex was in prison. Oh. Keeping him in the family there. Now I want to know why he's in prison. I want to know who was better, the cousin or the ex. Oh, you're true. Then you'll be able to work out if it's mum's side or dad's side, right? That's giving you your sexual expertise.

Fish in a couple of plastic bags hidden behind the door cards of their car. Slow decompose, eventually perforating the bag and slowly releasing the stink. That's evil. That is evil. You'd smell that straight away, wouldn't you? I don't think that's coming out either, no matter what. You have to burn the car down. Egged his car and put potato in his

exhaust. I slept with his brother, somebody else said. Again, I need to know, I need to follow up who's better as well on that one. The brother or the original. Yeah. I changed his height and made him a prop on his Wikipedia page. So someone's a Wikipedia page.

Whoa. Okay, wait. That's got to be a rugby player, right? Yeah, like a famous one. If they've got a wiki page, they're a famous one. And also, it must be a back. I'm going to need a follow-up text on that one as well, please, too, Vaughn. Name, please, but we won't share on here.

Just for us. Absolutely not. Anonymous, what did you do to get back in an ex? That's you. That's you, yeah, that's you, um. Okay. Good morning. You can go to Jehovah's Witness sites and request a visit or a call from them,

and I signed up my visit at 7am on a Sunday. Oh my god, that's good. That's goodam on a Sunday. Oh, my God. That's good. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good. And, you know, it's all potential for them, isn't it?

They could have got a conversion there. I think he could do with some faith in his life. He does need a bit more faith. That sounds like it, doesn't it? He needs the witness driver. Thank you. Mel, how did you get back in an ex? So my ex was a very keen hunter.

And he'd been looking for this massive deer in a certain? So my ex was a very keen hunter. Okay. And he'd been looking for this massive deer in a certain place for some time, and he got it. Yeah. And when we broke up, which was just the weekend after he'd shot it, he said to me, take everything that's yours and get out. And so I took my freezer, but left his freshly butchered venison all over his deck. That ain't good to eat anymore.

Oh, no. So you left it on the deck so it could unfreeze, thaw out. It was in January, and I left it on a Friday afternoon, and he wasn't back till the Monday. Good for you. All I did was, I just sent him a text that said, oh, dear. Wait, did you spell dear, D-E-E-R? Indeed, I did. Yes, you missed that chance. I-E-R? Indeed I did.

Yes! You didn't miss that chance. I'm just checking, I'm just checking. Mel, you are. I'd like a little pun to add to it. I like it. Just to rub it in, extra. Mel, brilliant, thank you.

So many messages coming through. We'll get to more of those next. Your mum's just messaged me, happy birthday. Is she? She's in Las Vegas. Is she? She just sent me a video of, what's that street there? Fremont Street's doing a Star Wars

display in that overhead thing. Oh, the old, yeah, right. Is she drunk and getting a tattoo? I don't know, because it would only be like just after lunch there, so probably, yeah. We're asking how you got back at an ex. This is so much fun

I sort of want to have a break up just for fun Man people get really vindictive Yeah Vindictive I said van-dictive That's not right is it Vin like Vin Diesel Not van like Van Morrison Or van shoes

Or vans I snapped his weed plants in half. You can't report that to the police. That's a damage, can you? Yeah, no. They don't like you having those. My ex started dating a girl on the outer of our friend group. No one thought I knew, so I started to invite her and her new man to our little gatherings.

Perfect. To make them both feel awkward. I was happy he had someone else to annoy now. Quite a few stories of fish-related incidences. Yeah, they stink, eh? My ex was a real piece

of work and was cheating on me. I logged into a Snapchat where he'd saved a picture of him and another girl in some pretty compromising positions. Snapchat? And what did you do? What did they do? Put it on the story. Put it on one of his stories.

Was panicking, trying to figure out what was going on because he thought it was a glitch. Then any picture he sent, I put on his story. So then he started to believe there was some sort of glitch that was sharing every sort of a story. But it was her all along. Anonymous has called up. Anonymous, how did you get back at an ex?

We had a family trip planned before Christmas that we were doing a sort of South Island trip and I had booked all of the accommodation on his credit card and then I found out he cheated. He went to go on that family trip with

her. I told him that I had cancelled all the accommodation so he rebooked other places, but I didn't. And they charged it! Yeah, but then he decided to take her on a camping trip, so he swung by the house and got the family tent, so I stole the main

tent pole out of it, but he didn't realise, and he went to erect the tent, and while he was away I also cut holes in all the tops of his pants Oh my god I love you

Oh my god Wait wait but you'll say you keep saying family so you had children with this man Ah yes

Oh my god Also wait he took the new woman camping Yeah yeah Oh no he didn't Oh no he didn't do that Yeah no, he didn't do that.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it wasn't an eventful camping trip because there was no pole. There was no pole. It's hard to... Just sleeping under a tarp. Sleep under a wet, wet tarp. I played the long game.

So then when he put stuff in his pockets, it all fell out. Anonymous. Brilliant. Thank you for your call. If you liked today's podcast, tell your friends you could send them the link. And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great.

And rate and review. And maybe get out there and try to make some friends.