ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 23rd May 2024

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

Tongue Readings  Top 6: Signs your Chicken has the Flu  RIP Clubbing  Silly Little Poll!Vaughan's Dental Trip  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Morning. How did your first Auckland comedy show go?

So fun. Last night? And so many lovely FVH listeners there. Appreciate it. I do apologise because lots of listeners afterwards will, like, come up and say hello and stuff and give me a hug, and I'm, like, wet. There was a point where I looked down,

I was, like, on the mic, and I looked down on the stage and I was like, what's all that? It was literally, like, sweat splatters. I'm hot. Do they not have your air con? They do, but I'm, like, under all these lights, and I'm in this like suit. Yeah.

It's not breathable. You need one of those wipes stations that the gym has. Yeah. You can buy a couple of wipes out and give the station a quick quick. I genuinely was like, I think I'm going to take a towel on. Maybe Les Mills will lend you one of their wipes stations. A little wipe station. I think I need a wipe station.

Antibacterial though. Yeah. I don't know how good they are for the skin. Probably not for the skin, for the floor. Yeah, for the floor, yeah. Take your towel. I think maybe tonight I'll install a wipe station. Okay.

Because it was dripping. But no, it was a lot of fun. Looking forward to tonight. Your chance to win cash this morning at eight with Human Shazam. The top six as well on the way. We're going to joke about it now before it becomes real serious When it gets to our shores But the avian flu The latest avian flu

Has been detected at a egg farm In Melbourne, Australia Goodness me So I've got the top six signs Your Aussie chicken has bird flu Yes Okay But then when it gets to our shores

Of course it won't be funny No Because you've got chickens I've got chickens And I love eggs I have eggs all the time. I adore eggs. Some are isolated from other birds,

but if it gets into the sparrow population, how do you stop it? I've got a slug gun, and I'm not afraid to use it. Oh, my God. Yeah. Sparrows are small. Well, it's been jumping to humans as well.

I don't want it. It did this back in the day. Yeah. What we don't need is a COVID bird flu collab. Oh, yeah. You know? Because COVID's around, eh? The the day. Yeah. What we don't need is a COVID bird flu collab. Oh, yeah. You know? Because COVID's around, eh? The latest hit.

Yeah. Yeah. Like a Beyonce, Miley Cyrus collab. You know who will probably do it? Post Malone. He's doing it with everybody. Oh, I know. It'll be a Post Malone bird flu.

It will be. Post Malone bird COVID. Bird COVID. He loves a collab. It could happen. Oh, we joke. It's happen. Oh, we joke. It's so close to the bone, isn't it? It's so possible.

Next. How to tell that you are old. Oh, okay. Is it that my birthday's in, oh my God, my birthday's in month today. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Flea. We already know what we're getting you. Do you to you. Happy birthday, dear Fletch. Happy birthday.

We already know what we're getting you. Do you? Yeah. Is it edible? It's a photo of me. Well, we've talked about this. It's a photo of me and Vaughan. For your spare frame.

For your spare frame that you bought. Okay, great. Next, how to tell if you're getting old. And this is something that I genuinely think the three of us do do. Okay. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Now, I don't always do this, but I try to be good for tax purpoises. Yeah. Apparently, it's a telltale sign that you are millennial or older if you ask for a paper receipt. Oh, no. Like you say, for business, you need GST receipts. Yeah, but for business, not for like just getting a drink

and a banana from Countdown. Oh, no. No one's getting those paper receipts, are they? No. I don't know. I'm always like, no, no, I don't need that. But then they print them anyway. Sometimes some supermarkets print them anyway, yeah.

The New World prints them anyway. Sometimes some supermarkets print them anyway, yeah. The new world prints them anyway. Listen to me, you dumb-dumb. I said no. On the self-service machine. Yeah. So do you want a receipt? It's like, no. And then you start walking away and you hear,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. And it prints you a little something. Is that because it always prints a fuel receipt? It prints you the little fuel thing. Yeah, yeah. I don't want that. I don't want the fuel receipt. I said no.

I want to say no and then them to say, have a, yeah. I don't want that. I don't want the fuel. I said no. I want to say no and then them to say have a nice day and I want to walk away. But then sometimes you don't get the receipt and you're like, oh my God, this is broken.

Why don't I have the receipt? Oh, I said no. Yeah, totally. Well, I feel like, like I do love when people say, can we email you the receipt? Because then I go, oh, awesome.

That'll just sit in my inbox and for tax purposes it'll just sit there. I love that when you're already in their system. Like, you know. Yes. And they just sit in my inbox and for tax purposes, it'll just sit there. I love that when you're already in their system. Like, you know. Yes. And they just say,

we've emailed you. Yes. And you're like. But when it's some store and you know their motivation isn't to save the planet, it's to sign you up to their database and they're like,

okay, what's your email? Why? And then they're one finger typing. Fear of C. And then they're one finger typing. You're like, I just don't care. Just print it out. Sprout. They're like, how do you't care. Just print it out. Sprout.

They're like, how do you spell that? S-P. I know. But apparently, young people are like, why would you print that? Why would you print that? Why would you waste a planet? Why would you even print that? I don't know.

I mean, I have bags full of receipts because you're supposed to keep your receipts for seven years. Yeah. And I just have bags. This is if you have a business. Or you're like freelance or whatever. Yeah, you're doing tax, you're claiming GST, all that sort of stuff. You've got to keep the receipts.

You've got to keep your receipts. So I've always kept them. They're just these paper bags. And all the receipts, all the ink's rubbed off them at this point. And they just say, like, 2020. Henley's receipts. And now I use MYOB, Mind Your Own Business, the online thing. And there is an app that's connected.

And it connects to your bank account. And you can take a photo of the receipt and then throw it out so you don't have to keep it and it connects to the transaction but I just never use it. In my account it's always like can you start taking photos of the receipts and I'm always like no. I would rather give you the bag. Which then she will go through and charge you by the

hour to do. Yeah I'm always like don't go through the bag just trust I've got the bag. You take out audit insurance every year I pay out audit insurance. Every year I pay my audit insurance. And when I'm just chucking receipts in a accordion folder, willy-nilly, you're like, this is what pays for that. This shambles will be sorted with the audit insurance should it happen.

Let's go to the producers. Do we keep receipts? Yes or no? Do we even print them out? You might want to turn on their microphone, I reckon, if you want to hear them out. Well, no, I was waiting for them to answer. Sensing young women in the workplace. I take the Kmart one because they have to scan it.

Oh, at the door? Same at Bunnings and Mitre 10? Yeah. Yeah, presumed shoplifter until proven otherwise. Yes, yes, yes. And I will always take the supermarket one because it's a fuel voucher. Yeah, I know you use them, eh? Oh, yes. Keep fuel, yeah take the supermarket one because it's a fuel voucher. Yeah, I know you use them.

Oh, yes. Keep fuel, yeah. I'm saving that for $5. Yeah. Shannon, are we keeping paper receipts? No. No? I live hard and loose, fast.

What's the? I don't know. You're living. You live your life a quarter mile at a time? I don't know. I just live. I'm here. She's just a wild girl.

I have nothing. And then live. I'm here. She's just a wild girl. I have nothing and then I look back upon everything. I don't know how much my mechanic costs. That's all gone to who knows what. I'm here. Jareed, are we using paper receipts? No. Okay. You can go online onto your

online banking and immediately see what you've spent where nowadays. I know, but IRD doesn't recognise a bank statement over 80 bucks. And neither does a shop if you need to take something back. You can't just be like, here's the transaction. They need the receipt. Because it's not specific enough for what you bought. Well, apparently

it's showing that we're old, that we like paper receipts. I don't like paper receipts. I don't like them. They're not necessary evil. 12 minutes past 6 I feel like Vaughan You should probably present this next story Because it's right up your alley

Okay Chainsaws Farming No Animal No Barbecue Tongues

World War 2 Tongues I do like tongues Doing what? People are getting tongue readings You know how you can get your palms read? That's ridiculous You can get tongues read

That's why I think it's great that you are presenting the story Okay, I'll read about it Yeah Let you know Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Well, that involves your ears Yes I want to talk about tongues

Apparently tongue reading has been I've been reading because you said to me I had to present this to the class Present it to the class please Present it to the class about tongue reading It's an ancient Chinese medicine That's why we thought it would be appropriate for you You know what

You got a little bit of Chinese in you I do In the family? In the family, in the house That's what I meant In the family? In the family, in the house. In the family, in the house. That's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I mean. In the house.

Yeah. Well, a 38-year-old lady whose name is Wuming, she has taken up the mantle of tongue doctor from her father. Okay. Who was a tongue doctor. She studied economics and then afterwards was like, everybody's talking about supply and demand. I want to talk about tongues.

Yeah. And so she's back into tongues. You can actually tell, you can tell if people are sick from their tongue, right? Don't tongues go funny colours sometimes? Yeah. Are they white? The various things a practitioner will look for,

colour, marks, coating of the tongue. Oh, yeah. Size of the tongue. Yeah. And how wet or dry it appears. Because if you look at my tongue, my tongue's too big for my mouth. So can you see on the sides, there's like teeth marks. Oh, I chew on my tongue constantly. Constantly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it always just like, it's too big. And if I think about it too much, I don't know where to put it. But I do. I've always got serrated edges on my tongue. I think it's an alright colour. But what people are getting tongue readings like you get palm readings. Yeah. To tell things about you.

It's not like your future. It's your general health. Imagine if it was like, you're going to meet the love of your life. Yeah, I can see the line coming down the side. Oh, no, yours looks... What do you mean? It's a nice pink tongue you've got there. Is it good?

You didn't say I had a nice pink tongue. Go again? Yeah, no, yours is paler. Are you anemic? Pale tongue. I'm somewhat of a tongue. What's wrong with my tongue? Oh, my God, I think you're dying.

It's your tongue. You've got the same colour tongue Pale tongue I've got a lovely pink tongue I think it's pale You've got a pink tongue Yeah Well I just don't think about it that much

And now I'm overthinking Having this awful squiggly thing in my mouth You know they have tongue scrapers You know toothbrushes And the back sometimes It always makes me gag Yeah I don't do it I'm like

I brush the tongue But I don't scrape Sometimes. Yeah, I don't do it. I brush the tongue but I don't spray. I don't have a smelly tongue. Yeah, but you probably wouldn't know. I always ask. How's that tongue? How's that smelly mouth? If you've got a pale tongue it could be diet anemia or trauma cause.

Oh, trauma. I don't think I have a pale tongue. No, it's not pale. No, thank you It's not pale Mine's just delightfully pink You know when mince is left out And it goes brown That's a pale tongue

Like, what are you doing, mince? You're cooking yourself, are you? You're kind of going whitey, bluey, brown Yeah Yeah, apparently the average British tongue Is a pale tongue Okay Yeah

You can tell a lot from the tongue Is it a Pakeha thing? Pakeha tongue. It's just a health thing, isn't it? All people have pink tongues, right? Regardless of skin colour. Yeah, but it can have like a coating. And then this, the same lady, Kun Health, K-U-N Health.

Yeah. Is her Instagram profile. When celebrities poke out their tongues, she does an analysis on their tongues. Thank you. Like Cardi B's at a concert, tongue out. What did she say about her tongue? Cardi B's got, can I just, for a moment,

Cardi B's got lovely teeth. Yeah. Beautiful teeth. Yeah, she does. And a long, a long, thinner tongue, but there seems to be a coating on the top. Right, is that what she's analysed? Yeah.

So she's done an analyse. She's analysed Cardi B's tongue. But she analyses all sorts of, as soon as a celebrity's tongue's out. Have you ever made out with someone with a tongue ring? You shut up. I used to have a tongue ring. She used to have a tongue ring and a belly button piercing. And a Mitsubishi Lancer.

And a Mitsubishi GSR Lancer. That's quite a funny feeling, eh? I feel like the first guy I ever like properly like had a tongue ring. He had a tongue ring. Yeah. Males with tongue rings. Big in the 2000s. Yeah, and then my boyfriend when I was 16, 17, for his birthday I got him a piercing voucher and he got his tongue pierced. I thought you were going to say you got your tongue pierced. His mother was very disappointed with me. For his 16th birthday? No, for his 17th birthday, I think.

She was a good Christian woman. Oh, wow. She was like, what did you get him for his birthday? I was like, I dyed his hair black. Right. And I got him his tongue pierced. And the Satanic Bible. What does the tongue woman say, the tongue doctor say about the piercings?

Oh, I'm not sure. I mean, she's probably anti. You're literally driving a metal stake right through her sort of like area of expertise. Yeah, she wouldn't like it. Right through her livelihood. Yeah. Gosh.

All right, well, look after your tongue. Are we scraping? Are we pro-scrape? I don't know. Does she say we should be scraping? She doesn't say. Do your guys' dads... Sorry, speaking of tongues.

Do your guys' dads... Do you guys' dads, sorry, speaking of dads. Do your guys' dads. Do you guys' dads, like, brush their teeth so aggressively that they. Yeah, I do it. My father does it. My dad. Yeah. My dad. You've got to brush till you gag.

Otherwise you're not brushing hard enough. 621. Next on the show, how a girl is making $5,000 extra a month. Now, I have been toying with the idea of OnlyFans for quite some time. Okay. Because we do lots of research for the show, go on websites, and there's always all these articles about how much money people are making. And I'm like, money to be made.

I reckon they should release like more of their stats and stuff. Yeah, totally. Also, yeah, like what kind of stuff? You know who does stats well? I've said it before. The stats department of Pornhub. Yes. It's great marketing. Amazing. Great stuff. Amazing stuff. I do find it fascinating like how much,

and we talked about it the other week or the week before, the top earners. But I want to know about the everyday Joe blogs. Yeah, same. Who aren't making a million dollars. Has a nine to five job and does it on the side. Little pickies. Lives in Featherston or wherever.

I don't know. Featherston. In the way that I'm going. But I am a great place. Beautiful spot. Just a small town. A lovely place to buy a house. That makes, you know, money off OnlyFans.

I know. I just find that so fascinating. Good on them. Same, because I also don't know, money off OnlyFans. I know. I just find that so fascinating. Good on them. Same, because I also don't have any friends on OnlyFans, to my knowledge. So I'm like, I can't get any insight into how much money people are making. Well, there is a woman and she's on OnlyFans. She's 36 years old. Her name is Chloe.

She's gorge. Like, she's classic OnlyFans. Like, big, blonde, tan. She's got that work done right? But she realised after breaking her leg a while back she had an injury. She fell out of a taxi.

Now. Jesus. Disgraceful. Eight stories? How do you break your leg falling out of a taxi? She needs more milk. Wait. Disgraceful. Wait. Wait. Don't you. Shut up. Broke both of her feet after falling out of a taxi. She needs more milk. Wait, disgraceful. Wait, wait, don't you. Shut up. Broke both of her feet after falling out of a taxi. Broke both her feet. No, it's literally a foot. I don't know.

Was the taxi moving? I don't know. Was it a truck? As a woman who has fallen out of taxis, it's not that far to the ground. I mean, you've got quite a scar. I've got quite a scar on my knee. From the Uber. Yeah. But, I mean, you bounce back. I bounce back. I mean, you've got quite a scar from the Uber.

But I mean, you bounce back. I bounce back. I'm fine. Anyway, so she had all the kit and kaboodle. She had her moon boot. Oh no. She had her crutches. And then one day on OnlyFans,

one of her followers, because she was doing classic boobie stuff. One of her followers was like, can I pay you extra to do some photos but have your leg in a cast? And she was like, I mean, I'm not here to yuck your yum, but that's weird. I am here to yuck your yum. That's unusual. That's different.

Yeah. So now she not only like will do photos where she's like on crutches or when she's in a moon boot, she's literally bought the whole kit to do like a plaster of Paris cast, like a full cast. Really? That you would get if your limbs were broken. And she said, oh my God,

it's such like a pain and it takes ages because you've got to like, you know, you'd put that dry bandage on, then you've got to put the wet stuff, you've got to let it sit and all this kind of stuff. She was like, oh my God,

it takes so long. But she makes, if I translate to New Zealand dollars, 10K a month. Pretending to have a broken leg? Yeah, fulfilling niche fantasies about broken limbs.

But every now and then she'll get like extra money to, you know, do more staffing. She can make up to like $80,000 a month. They're like,

pretend your wrist is broken this week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she like wraps it up in a cast and is like, I mean, she's still like hot and doing sexual. She's still right. It's still like sexual. This is going back a few years before you knew our friend Big Hearted James. Yeah.

But he, was he getting down off the karaoke stage and he hurt his knee, hurt his leg. That's how he injured it. And he was in like a moon boot for a while. I think he sprained the ankle. Wow. And I tell you what, do you remember he picked his knee, hurt his leg. That's how he injured it. And he was in like a moon boot for a while. I think he sprained the ankle. And I tell you what, do you remember he picked up like twice? With a moon boot?

With a moon boot. And it was a thing. A wounded boot. Yeah, they love a wounded boot. How bizarre. Well, she's like, look, I'm just going with it. Like someone asked and now it's become this niche way that I make money.

I could never make this kind of money from a normal job. So I'm just going with it. Like someone asked, and now it's become this niche way that I make money. I could never make this kind of money from a normal job. So I'm just going to keep on doing it. And like paying for these like. Yeah. Do you know what? I sense one of those radio things. Look at this. On the simmer where we put her in casts

and put her on OnlyFans and see how much money we can make. Yeah, we could do it. She's hot. Like she's a really classic OnlyFans hot. But she's just got her leg, again, not broken, in a plaster cast. Where do you buy plaster of Paris? Because it doesn't need to be medical grade, does it? Also, yeah, you've got to be careful.

You don't want to get cement, like, quick-dry cement or something. Yeah. It's stuck to your skin. And then she'll have to get one of those sores, those vibrating sores, that doesn't cut the skin, but cuts the plaster of Paris to get it off again. Now, we have had a question from Carween, like can't you just buy those fake casts that slip on? But no, she films herself like doing it as well as like having the photos.

She's probably getting pretty good at it. She's doing it to herself. That's wild. Okay, so it's a process because I had the same thought as just make one and then cut the underside of it and slip it on. Like a prop or something. Okay, so it's a process. Because I had the same thought as just make one and then cut the underside of it and slip it on. Like a prop or something. Yeah, yeah. So a psychologist has...

I don't know. A psychopath. A psychopath has chimed in on this. A psychologist has chimed in and said that apparently she specialises in sex therapy. Medical fetishes are one of the most common. What? So having some kind of ailment Is that why sexy nurse outfits are always big sellers?

And it often includes some form of doctor and nurse role play I know someone that has had an amputation that they said they were once with a young fellow who got very excited about the stump Really? She was like, I'm flattered But But Want to do what with the stump. Really? She was like, I'm flattered. But. Want to do what with the stump?

Maybe there's other bits of me that need a bit of attention. Not just that. Stop that. But was he maybe, did he know about the stump? Because he might have just been overreacting. I don't have a problem with this. I love this. I love this.

No, no, no. She said he was very pro stump. Overcompensating. Being like, I don't have a problem with that. Yeah. And I don't this. She said he was very pro-stump. Overcompensating. Being like, I don't have a problem with that. Yeah. And I don't know. She called it stump. I don't know if that's...

Saying it sounds like an offensive term. I do apologise. No, I think that's what amputees would call the end. I don't know. Are we allowed as non-amputees to call it stump? Oh, yeah. I don't know. We are lacking an amputee representation here.

I will say it. Okay. What are you lopping off? I'm going left leg Just a finger? I'm going left leg below the knee Nah, it's got to be substantial It's got to be a decent portion Yeah, definitely leg Because it's way better prosthetics than arms

But you're really good at kicking I am actually phenomenal at kicking My soccer career's over Okay, right Anyway, so yeah, she's making money, man really good at kicking. I am actually phenomenal at kicking. My soccer career's over. Okay, right. Anyway, so, yeah, she's making money, man. There's money to be made on OnlyFans.

Like, oh my God, even if you don't want to do sexy stuff, I'm really considering it. Great little side earner. Yeah. And you get people's undivided attention,

which to you, you know, money can't buy. Oh my God. It's the only thing in life I crave. An adoring list of creeps. Oh my God. It's the only thing in life I crave. An adoring list of creeps. Oh my god. Money and attention?

Give me more. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Posey are too sweet on ZM. Next to nothing. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. You have to be so careful. I said the F word

as you put that thing up. 22 calories of kimchi in an entire cup. Yeah, it's cabbage and spice. It's great for your gut health. I'm telling you. I'm a huge fan of just sitting down and eating a chai with kimchi. Now, I don't know. The price will put a stop to that.

Depending on the quality of kimchi. Okay. Yeah. There's some of kimchi. Okay. Yeah. But there's some good kimchi out there. Sorry, our off-air chat has spilled on air, hasn't it? It has, yes. But I literally was like, fuck. I weighed in at over 100 kgs at the start of the week.

Jeez. So I was like, it's time. No, it's not. It's time to take care of that. So I'm on a journey to hell. Yeah, I'm JTH-ing. I'm not drinking, though. I'm just allowing myself enough calories at the end of the day

to have a whiskey for daddy. Daddy's little reward at the end of the day. Well, good on you. I'm not having the biscuits and the chips that usually go with the whiskey as well. Oh, how good's a bicky chip and wicky, though? Oh, my God, I love a bicky and a wicky. A bicky and a wicky.

A bicky and a wicky. And a chip and a... Okay, sorry, we're on air now. Fletch Ford and Hayley. That was... Laugh out louder. Hosea, too sweet.'re on air now. Fletchford and Hayley. That was- Laugh out louder. Hosier, too sweet. Laugh out louder.

Now, I went to a man called Dan O'Donnell. I love this. Yeah, this is- Up your alley. Big up my alley. He wanted to get into metal detecting as a hobby. Right. But obviously he's like,

I've got to try this before I buy this. Now, he had some friends that were apparently into metal detecting. I've used a metal detector before. I think I had a cheap one. Yeah, right. I always see people at the beach. There's people in Auckland that do the tourist beaches because

especially in summer they know that people drop wallets and keys and rings. Those busy beaches? Yeah, totally. The packed beaches. You'll always find stuff. The west coast beaches you'll probably find some stuff but not in as tight a space. So Dan's like, I want to give this a go.

But maybe he was embarrassed. He didn't go to a beach straight away where he could be seen and maybe called a nerd. Okay. He went to the Wellington Town Belt. Love the Town Belt. Used to live on the Town Belt. What is the town?

I've never heard this term used with Wellington before. Well, it's just a belt that like wraps around the back of town. And then that's where Raleigh came to life. And he used to always bring rats from the town belt. Oh, okay. The town belt. Why don't you just call it up the back? The back of our backyard backed onto the town belt.

Just call it up in the bush or in the forest. It's the belt. It's wrapping around. Okay, so he went to a suburb of Wellington called Bermapore? Bermapore. Yeah. Cute. Never heard of it. Newtown. I've heard of Newtown. Like further towards the ocean. You go into Newtown, if you keep

going, it's Bermapore. There's Mornington Golf Club. Of course, by the town belt. There's Martin Lucky Park, Mount Albert Park and Wakeland Park in this area. I don't know which park he went to, but he went to a park. Is that the town belt? Yeah.

That's the town belt. The town belt goes all through Hataitai and Newtown and it's everywhere. So he's walking along an old path. Metal detector out. Yep. And it just mother loads. He's like, fun. Him and his daughter.

Dig, dig, dig. Dig, dig, dig. We found a package. Oh my god exciting It was wrapped up He unwrapped it And found A bunch of firearms

Bullets and knives That is believed He called the police straight away The police shop AK-47 Sawn off shotgun AK-47 Yeah he's got a photo of it

Which one's that? The like machine gun You know the classic 80s 90s Say hello to my little friend. Wooden. No, it's got a wooden bit. It's got a magazine that comes down.

Let me Google. It's like a famous. I'm so innocent. It's like the. I've never killed anyone. Neither have I. No, I'm just saying. Right.

You know what an AK-47. I've not even shot an AK-47. But no, not a Tommy gun, Jared. It's not a 1930s case. That's what you were describing, a Tommy gun. Oh, you were describing a Tommy gun. It's an AK-47. Say hello, not a Tommy gun, Jared. It's not a 1930s gun. That's what you were describing, a Tommy gun. Oh, you were describing a Tommy gun. It's an AK-47. Say hello to my little friend.

Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Scarface stuff. The photos are insane. There's so much ammo. Yeah. So it looks like it was a bit of a disposal of stuff, but there's other stuff in there,

and it totally looks like, I mean, it's newspaper bullets. And apparently the newspaper was from the 90s. Yeah. They think it's an old gang get rid of evidence that may have been used in like gang gang. Oh my God. Or someone was like off to prison and they were like, I'll just bury this for when I'm out in 20 years. I'll come back. Why?

But yeah, so he dug it up. It was all wrapped in like a thick black polythene and then newspapers inside that. And then, yeah, guns, AK-47, a pump action, sawn off shotgun, accessories, ammo. That feels so dangerous. Also, you have to, he has to retire from metal detecting now because you are never, ever, ever going to get anything better than that. Ever.

Yeah, you're going to find like bottle caps and keys that somebody dropped and junk and tin cans from when they were tin. It'll be forever disappointing now. Yeah, totally. You're going to find, yeah, a can of Coca-Cola. It's not quite the same.

It's the most exciting find. Or a buckle because you're on the town belt. Good from you. Actually, really, actually, really good from you I'll give it 8 out of 10 Thank you

Actually Let's go Let's go home Play ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley Blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah This is the top six

Well Avian bird flu It's a bastard of a thing. Truly. And it has been in America for the last couple of months. I've been warning about it. Yeah, it's been spreading globally, causing widespread outbreaks in bird populations and

extensive deaths. Oh no! So this was found on an egg farm just out of Melbourne in Victoria by Geelong. Oh, Victoria by Geelong. Oh, not by Geelong. They had to put the farm into lockdown. Oh, God, the birds would have hated that.

I don't like the chickens' chances. No. I've just Googled Australia avian flu 10 hours ago. Australia's first human case of bird flu has been detected in a child travelling home from India. Shoot. Yeah, so they've said that infected people

have been observed with mild symptoms or have been asymptomatic but have experienced severe illness. I don't want it. I don't want it. Well, I've got the top six signs your birds... I feel like we're getting the one just in before it's not funny. So, the top six signs Your birds I feel like We're getting the one

Just the number four It's not funny So The top six signs Your Aussie chicken has bird flu Number six on the list That's trying to open A lozenge packet

Hard to open a lozenge packet When you've got no thumbs And then how do you Because how do you suck the lozenge Or would they just peck at it I reckon they just guzzle The whole thing Which kind of defeats the purpose.

It's supposed to dissolve in the mouth, isn't it? And soothe the throat. Relieve the throat. Number five on the list of the top six signs your Aussie chicken has the bird flu. It's zooming in, working from home to avoid bringing it into the office. Which is good.

Yeah, which is nice from the chicken. It's good, yeah. It's just the cage over, but it's still, it's home. It's home. Number four on the list of the top six signs your Aussie chicken has the bird flu. It's wearing a mask over its beak, but not over its nostrils. Classic. Classic.

It's like having it over the mouth and leaving the nose open. It's not doing anything. It doesn't work. That's not going to do it, you dickhead. Number three on the list of the top six signs your Aussie chicken has the bird flu. It's got a very raspy It's like a Number two on the list of the top six

signs your Aussie chicken has the bird flu. It's busy telling you that the rooster had the same cold and made such a big deal about it. Oh my god, rooster flu. Rooster flu. But it's fine. It's just a cold. He was totally over reacting. He gets like this every time he's sick. The man flu and rooster flu is

a serious thing. It really is. It's different. It's truly, it's real. Rooster flu, very serious. Very serious. And number one on the list of the top six signs your Aussie chickens has the bird flu. It's just cooked itself up a lovely hot chicken soup to feel better. No qualms.

Chickens are savages. They will 100% eat each other in soup and or rotting out in the public. Oh, that's awful. Sort of full. Your chickens are ruthless, my dude. Thank you. If you died in a paddock a chicken would 100% Take your soft bits first So I hear

I've got lots of soft bits at the moment It's gonna feast They are gonna get on it That is today's top 6 This is a mortifying watch This is a mum in Atlanta In the States Otherwise known as America.

And she is at her kids' little awards prize-giving ceremony. Because it'll be, what, the end of the school year? Yeah, heading into summer. Summer holidays coming up? Yeah. Indeed. Now, I am trying to find out, like, what kind of age. It looks like maybe, like, middle school, you know, like intermediate,

like not high school, not like actual awards that actually matter. Do they? Do they matter though? They only matter at the time. And as soon as you're on a university, that doesn't matter anymore. I cleaned up. University awards matter. And then when you're out of that, those awards don't matter.

Well, I'll tell that to the actor of the year 2007, Queen Margaret College. But were you like the only actor? No. Irene was a very good actor. Irene? You were up against Irene, but you claimed her out. She was Lady Macbeth to my Macbeth.

Yeah. Arguably a more difficult role, but I had to transform into a man. So, do you know what I mean? We all had our acting challenges. Anyway, so she's there and she is in the middle of the ceremony. Her son does not win a single award. Maybe he's a dum-dum.

Maybe he's not a good actor. She stands up and starts berating the teacher that is presenting the awards. Like, going for it. But don't nowadays, don't they give kids awards for everything? So everyone feels... Literally everything. Like, no one feels left out?

Yeah, all the thickos get awards for being like... I had a friend who was, like, literally terrible at school. I don't know how she's actually done well in life because she was a straight-up dum-dum. Yeah. And straight-up, like, never went. Yeah. And she won an award.

She got told to come to prize-giving. She straight up, like, never went. And she won an award. She got told to come to prize giving. She was like, what for? And it was a attendance award. So she was at school heaps? No, but it was,

they did it as a joke because she skipped school all the time. The school did a joke award? Yeah. That's not good for anybody's self-esteem, is it?

because she literally never went to school. But maybe that was what got her back on the straight and narrow. Oh, I don't know. She's like a mum of two now because she literally never went to school. But maybe that was what got her back on the straight and narrow. Oh, I don't know. She's like a mum of two now with a really well-paid job. I don't know how it's happened.

But anyway. Yeah. But yeah, this mum, she's just going absolutely ham. And then the teacher is apologising to the room, like, I'm so sorry for what you're hearing right now. She's kicked up a real stink. And that's what we want to know is when did your parents, your mum, your dad, whoever, kick up a stink?

And maybe it wasn't because you didn't win, but maybe it was because, I don't know, something happened. Oh, yeah, totally. They felt like. My mum was a real stink kicker-upperer. Like, especially with, like, retail people, if they were ever rude to me and my brother, my mum would be like.

What do you mean? You're in a shop and someone is rude to you yeah i remember once my we were in uh australia and my brother was like looking at something and the woman like didn't pay him any attention for long enough and my mom just came in and was like right my son's trying to buy this thing where's your manager oh yeah I know, she went really in on it. Oh, the original Karen. Also, if there were, like, injustices, like I was once at a marching camp

and one of the management team was really rude to me and I told my mum. I thought you meant injustices that mattered. Yeah, it was. I thought you meant, like, social injustices. Sally at marching camp was really rude to me. And my mum, yeah, she kicked up a row. Oh, yeah.

I had more of a sort of a social injustice thought when you said when there were great injustices, fancy solved them. Teachers must deal with this all the time. Parents are fond. A friend of mine that's a teacher said that there's a perfect mix of schools because if you go to a private school,

people are paying for their kids to go there. And if the kid doesn't want to be there, that's the teacher's fault. Yes. And so they're all up in the teacher's area. Yeah. And she said,

then there's the other parents at other schools that don't care. Yeah. And she said, there's this nice mix of parents that trust you and will ask you

before they fire up at you. Yeah, yeah. My mum was always like, you've got to, my mum was big, you've got to solve your own problems. Yeah. If it gets wildly out of hand, sure. My mum was always like, you've got to, my mum was big, you've got to solve your own problems. Whatever gets wildly out of hand,

sure. That's why no one's got initiative now to solve problems. Because they didn't have Christine telling them to solve their own bloody problems. Because I just sold them for them. They were hand raised by Patsy. I'm not a problem solver. They were hand raised. I was out there. You know why? We're raising sheep and we

should be raising wolves. We need to be raising more wolves. Oh! Oh! All right. When did your parents go into bat for you, kick up a stink?

Yeah. We want to hear your stories. 0800-DARLS-AT-M. You can text through as well. 9696. Maybe you've got a mum like mine at any given opportunity. When did your parents

kick up a stink? Well, maybe we should have called this just when were your parents a big Karen. We want to know. I've decided right now is the perfect time to ask Fletch what one of his screens does. It's a little screen off to the side and I've got no idea what it does. I just told you, it's for the desk. Why do you need that?

You've got the big screen right in front of you. Have you ever seen what's on that little screen? Why is it bouncing up and down? Those are the levels. Watch this. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Ah! Yeah, see?

Their levels go up and down. There's so many gizmos and gadgets in this studio. I'm in charge of the gizmos and gadgets. I don't want to be in charge of any of that. Yeah, you two don't need to know what these things do. Is that a necessary screen? Yes, it is. We're trying to save money around here.

Yeah, it's a necessary screen. Absolutely. I literally never seen his eyes look at it. I look at it every morning before you two do not get to work. You know when you think

he's looking at your boobs? You and I are constantly having chats about Fletch looking at your nungs. I'm just thinking maybe he's looking at that screen. Every morning I'm like,

hey, can you have a word to him again? I just keep noticing. See the nungs, they're in line with the nipple. Yeah, that explains it. I'm definitely not looking, can you ever word to him again? I'm just keeping an eye on him. Yeah, I do it back off the nose. See, the nungs, see. They're in line. Yeah, they're in line. With the nipple. Yeah, that explains it.

I'm definitely not looking at your nungs, but they're lovely nungs. I have made so many complaints about you being a pervert, but they're like, we need him. He pushes the buttons. Anyway, we want to know when your parents kicked up a real fuss, kicked up a stink for you. There was a mum who, little boy, didn't get any prizes at prize giving

and she started, she stood up in the middle of the thing and started screaming at the teachers. It should be the same mum that say this is the most entitled generation. It's always the people that like treat their kids like little princes and princesses that are then like,

I don't know what's wrong with this generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did it, mate. You made the problem. You done it. You done it and I seen it. Some messages in. Kicked up a stink when my daughter broke her wrist in three places

and the school made her cross country in the rain instead of calling me to take her to the doctor. She said it was very sore and they just thought she wanted to get out of cross country so they didn't take her seriously. I'd do anything to get out of cross country. Was she a little girl that cried wolf though? Yeah, maybe.

I was always like, I can't do soccer today. I've got an aneurysm. What you need to do is you need to Google better symptoms and better things to have. My dad. Yeah. What? No, you read that one.

No, you read it. It probably wasn't the one I was going to read. My dad kicked up a sting when I got kidnapped. What? I mean, you'd hope they would. Hang on. No, that's okay to kick up a sting about. Yeah, your dad's actually, it's actually not frowned upon

for dads not want to get their kids kidnapped. Yeah. Hang on. My dad kicked up a sting when I got kidnapped after school. He chased a guy through town and barreled it up against a garage. And then my mum went off at the school when they suspended me for telling a lie about being kidnapped.

But I was kidnapped. Are you all right? Oh my God, that's wild. Hang on. See, mum's kicking up a stink there. Good. Yeah. Because the school doesn't believe you.

But again, I will double down as a dad to say it's okay for a dad to kick up a stink about you being kidnapped. I wouldn't even call it kicking up a stink. And who kidnapped you? Who kidnapped? Follow up message. wouldn't even call it kicking up a stink and who kidnapped you follow up message follow up message 2-4-1

follow up message who kidnapped you my mother-in-law is a real Karen and her name is Karen too oh no she'll go at anybody

but dang she loves her entire family and like will kick up a stink on their behalf it's always on behalf of someone she loves an excuse

to pop off sometimes I don't want to be around that in public it's embarrassing yeah like we'll kick up a stink on their behalf. It's always on behalf of someone. She loves an excuse to pop. She's a mum of beer. Sometimes. I don't want to be around that in public. It's embarrassing. Yeah. I had tonsillitis as a kid and missed two dance classes. My dance teacher was super rude to me,

said I'm not committed enough to dancing. So my mum went full Karen on her and took me out of the class and told her on the way out to shove it. Oh, shove it. Oh, yeah. When mum says shove it, they mean business.

My mum pulled me out of dance class, but that was because my dance teacher hit me. God, the 90s were rogue, eh? Ballet teachers just hit and kicked. What did they hit? Smacked my arm. That's probably why you've got the mole with the hair now. With the hole. With the arm up. Was she smacking it

to get it down? Because you said your piano teacher would smack you too. Yeah, she'd smack the hands, but that's normal. That was fine. But look at you now performing your piano at the comedy shows every night. Yeah, the dance teacher smack you as well. Maybe this is how you best perform, is being smacked. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you'd be a dancer

and a musician. Oh no. Oh. Should have been smacked more. Yeah. Some solutions. Another parent from another school because the kid didn't like me or want me at the school anymore. That's the kidnapped person.

What? So this person is kidnapped by another kid's parent because that parent... I'll turn off my microphone. I rolled a ball onto the off switch. It's one of the quirks of the job. So this parent didn't want this kid at school anymore, so they kidnapped them. What was their

plan? What were they going to do? It's not a cat that's been hanging around your house. You can't just chuck it in the car and drive 20 miles and let the cat out. Well, you don't do that to a cat. Yes, you do. Where? A hedgehog maybe, but not a cat. You don't relocate a hedgehog. You can easily

relocate a hedgehog, not a cat. You don't relocate a hedgehog. You can easily relocate a hedgehog, not a cat. You don't relocate a hedgehog. No, no, no, they don't know where they are. You take them into the mill and now you set them out. I do sometimes like doing that to bugs. Like if you find like a praying mantis or something, you pick them up and you take them for a big walk and you drop them off and then you're like, good luck, mate.

I was thinking that's a new neighbourhood. Good luck finding my house, bug. In the summer when a fly flies into your car And then you wind up At the windows And you drive like A couple of hundred k's And then they fly out

They must be like Where am I Where the hell am I now Have I been fly napped Yeah And then it's like I smell somebody's lounge Yeah

Let's get in there Let's get in there And make a mess Can we do a Should we do an impossible phone Or one day Have you been kidnapped I don't know if that

Those would be great Sounds I think it would be great points. I think it would be dark. I think it would be dark, yeah. Predominantly dark. Oh, let's just not all poo-poo the idea all at once. Let's just let it ruminate and we'll just see. At intermediate, my mum kicked up a scene

because I didn't get into the first water polo team despite playing for them repeatedly the season before. The coach's daughter made it in. Oh, classic. Nepo. And the teacher coordinating it, her niece made it in. Classic. Nepo. And the teacher coordinating it, her niece made it in even though she was useless. So team of Nepo water babies.

Nepo water babies. Also not a bad thing missing out on the water polo team. It can get quite grabby. I've heard it gets very grabby. And very silly under the water. Very twisty. They twist like bolos and stuff. Yes. Not okay. Not okay.

Fletch, Fawn and Hayley, 28 minutes to 8. You nearly stuffed that up. You couldn't just let me have it and move on. It's also not. It's 29 minutes to 8. It's 28 minutes to 8. It's 28 minutes to eight. Okay, now it is. Now, millennials are calling it a rite of passage.

I believe we all dipped a toe. I dipped hard. Every weekend I hit da place. That is Courtney Place in Wellington, and I hit da clubs. Yeah. Gen Z saying we ain't clubbing no more. Good on them. No.

Good on them. Too. Good on them. Too expensive. Too loud. Up too late. Oh, my God. Good for you. I loved it. You'd go, you'd have little drinky poos at a friend's house.

You'd be like, oh, what time is it? 11.30. I'll give it 30 minutes and then we'll head into town. Imagine now. Imagine being like, right, it's midnight. Time to go into town. Yeah. And then you'd go into town and you'd hop into the lines

and then you'd go, get inside. Oh, I've seen the lines. I hate lines. The lines are horrible. And then to get to the front of the line and some guy would be like, not in those shoes, mate. You'd be like, are you kidding me? Yeah.

You should have someone going up and down the line saying, those shoes aren't going to get you in. Don't waste your time. Yeah. Or look at your friend and be like, nah, she's not coming in. And you're like, oh, but we're waiting so long. And then you go in and you dance. And I loved clubbing.

But apparently now, like Gen Z, they're living a much quieter life. They're more on their phones and, you know, online than actually clubbing. And not drinking as much. Not drinking as much.

Not hooking up as much. It was wild. Oh my God, yeah. You'd be dancing and next thing and you'd be like, who's this? Whose mouth is this? In my mouth. You're cute. Why not? But yeah, they're just not doing it.

It's just a different thing these days. They have quieter nights. They're much more into like a little Sure, it's also how much it costs, right? It's not cheap to go out. But we never like, you buy like one drink out. Yeah, you always preloaded. The house parties beforehand were the best part of it.

Yeah, that was always the best. But why do we even go into town to be fair? Don't know. It's cold. It's crowded. But I don't know. It was such a good thing between the age of like 18 and 20. Every weekend you knew the clubs, you'd go.

Right. Let's go to our resident to clubs. You're gone. Right. Let's go to our resident Gen Z. Yeah. Shannon at the social media desk. Yeah. Is clubbing dead? I think a little bit. I used to be a club promoter when I was a bit younger.

But now we've really kind of turned. Is that because you were just really good at organising parties? No. I think it was for some other reason. Yeah. But yeah. So I definitely dabbled in the clubs back when I was like 18. But now I feel like whenever we go out to like more of a bar situation, it's filled with 18 year olds.

They're not going out dancing anymore. They're doing like a bottomless brunch or like going to a board games bar or rooftop. It's not like a night out. It's more of just like, like you said, less alcohol, just like a little nice thing, get some Instagram photos and go home. I think that's good, but I used to love the dancing. And now they're saying like cell phones killed it as well because if you go to like a DJ set or something,

everyone's there just like filming the whole thing. I was like, we never did that. I used to have my little digital camera in my purse. Your Sony Cybershot. Yeah, take some piccies on the Cybershot. Gorgeous. But I never, you know, you're not there the whole time just like filming the whole thing.

So why is it dead then? I mean, there's probably a bit of the culture of the older people going. Yep. Sorry. I didn't say you. I didn't say you. Just mean like there's quite a jarring difference between an 18-year-old filming the entire night and maybe someone a bit older wearing their wedged heels trying to get low.

Yeah. I definitely got low in some wedged heels for sure. What, are 18-year-olds not getting low anymore? No, no, no, no. You've got to get low. I mean, of all the things I've given up, that's a little disappointing. Yeah, that is disappointing, isn't it? You've got to drop it low. Someone commented online being

like, man, it was like clubbing back in the day was where it was at. That's how most of us met our husbands. And I was like, oh my god, yeah. You just like meet people. Because there was no like Tinder or anything like that. So you just like go out dancing and then have a little kissy poo. You're a millennial, but do you think it's...

No, I'm not. I'm a year older than Shannon. She's cusp. You're cusp. Are you? I thought you were... Okay, well, this is interesting. You got a foot in each camp.

Yeah, she's cusp. But you're a nerd, aren't you? Aren't you a bit of a book nerd? You're a nerd. You're a book nerd. She reads. You went to the Writers' Festival to listen to an author talk at the weekend. Yeah, it was amazing.

That's even nerdy for me. Okay. We've also gone to the Writers' Festival to watch him. to an author talk at the weekend. Yeah. That's even nerdy for me. Okay. We've also gone to the Writers Festival to watch him. But afterwards she had the clubs. Yeah. Did you go to the clubs with your mum afterwards? No. No.

No. But I'm not going to the clubs, no. It's also a little unsafe these days, I feel like. And so a lot of us are kind of like, you know what? Yuck. We'll just go to someone's house and have a few cocktails I prefer a house party I always have and you're so right

like when I think about the clubbing days you're like it was all so rogue like if I had a daughter I'd be like hell to the no you were doing that talking to random people and then you know somebody messaged in saying what's wrong with these kids we hit the clubs in our late 20s till 6am.

I think you're the reason they're not going anymore. The late 20s? Late 20s, that's... No, no, no, no, no. That's cusp. You can't be... You were the creepy person lingering in the corner. Yeah.

Yeah. Asking them to play like... You guys play the gambler? You know what will get the kids on the floor? Play wagon wheel. The gambler. Well, what will get the kids on the floor? Play wagon wheel. The gambler. Well, RIP to the club. To the clubs.

To the club, RIP. I think we should hit the clubs in protest. No. Guys, come on. No, absolutely not. We're not to. I'll do a nice dinner, a BYO. We'll do a nice BYO.

And then to clubs after though. No, no. We'll hit the clubs. I'll be in bed by nine o'clock. The late 20s person messaged in again. They didn't ask for Kenny Rogers. They asked for 50 cent in the club. Oh.

Banger though. That was great. It was a banger. It was a banger. It was a banger. Time and a place. Now, this time last year, I punched myself in the face getting off the bus at a wedding, and I cracked my tooth, and I went,

and the tooth needed to be worked on, and it was the first time I'd been to the dentist in about 13 years because they put a temporary filling in last time, and I was like, I don't want that to happen again. It was expensive. But it was all right. And so they sent me a reminder a couple of weeks ago

saying, Mr. Smith, you're due for your annual checkup and hygienist visit. Wow. So having never gone to the dentist for 14, 13 and a bit years, now you're going every year? I go on the reg. Wow. I'm getting that. He's a changed man.

That tooth warrant of fitness. Yeah, baby. I love the hygienist. I go every six months. Same. Get it all sorted. We're hygienist I go every six months Same Get her all sorted Yeah We're hygienist snobs though You are hygienist snobs

Because I was just Explaining to this I went I've got a lovely dentist And I got home And Shada said What makes her lovely And I said

I had the lovely dentist And she's like Alright you creep Oh no I've never had A good looking dentist Until this dentist Oh right

Okay That's a bit creepy When you say that You've got to know though Like you look Literally the worst You've ever looked Oh no. I've never had a good looking dentist until this dentist. Oh right, okay. That's a bit creepy when you say that. You gotta know though, like you look literally the worst you've ever looked when you're in a dental chair. You're just like. Like down, bright lights coming in. Double chins.

I got dollied up. What do you mean? I got dollied up for the dentist. What'd you wear? Wash the beard, shampooed, conditioned with a beard oil. Put on a shirt. Well she's gonna be right up in the face. Yeah, yeah. Cleaned the face, plucked a few hairs out beard oil. Put on a shirt. Well, she's going to be right up in the face,

clean the face, plucked a few hairs out of the middle of the old brows. I'd do it up for the dentist. Oh, it's embarrassing. I think it was appreciated. I think it was appreciated. Anyway, got the dentist. She said, everything looks wonderful. Haven't you been sticking to your hygiene regime well?

And I went, I like to floss. And she said, and I can see it. Well done. You didn't get the flossing lecture. No, no like to floss. And she said, and I can see it. Well, you didn't get the flossing lecture. No, no flossing lecture and no receding gums lecture either because I switched to a soft toothbrush. Yes, you have to. You simply must. But then this is the part that you guys have a problem with.

Then Andy, the hygienist, comes in. Good thing about Andy, doesn't talk a lot. You know when sometimes there's a chatty dentist and you get your mouth full of an apparato. I was like, how was your day? Oh, I went to this thing

and I went, oh. I said to Andy just before he started, where did you study to do this, Andy? Yeah. And he said,

AUT. And that was it. No more talking until the end. And he said, well done. He's like, you floss,

don't you? You can see it. So that's unprompted. Oh, wow. Complimented my flossing. So I'll take that. But then you guys asked me what sort of hygienist tools did he use. Scrapey, scrapey.

And I said the scraper and the little... Yeah. Get the tartar and then you both scoffed. No, sandblast. You got a sandblaster. Yeah, it's like this little... Gritty. What do they call it?

Airflow. Yeah, airflow. It's amazing. Is it water or grit? Kind of like a gritty water. Yeah, like it's got tiny, tiny, tiny little grains of sand in it. And you're basically sandblasting your teeth. And it is so less painful.

And like the sound of like, I get a little picking done afterwards for the bits that it doesn't get. But it's where it's at. You'll never look back. I don't know if Andy's qualified. Yeah, I know. I don't know if Andy can drive it. He will be. It sounds like you're at a bit of a cowboy joint. I'm not at a cowboy joint. I'm at an official joint. I don't know if Andy's qualified Yeah I know I don't know if Andy can drive it He will be Sounds like you're in a bit of a cowboy joint

Yeah he will be I'm not in a cowboy joint I'm in an official joint I don't know It sounds like a little bit of a cheap It's a good joint It's a great joint They did that thing where I said

I They knew I hadn't been for ages And they didn't like scoff Or tell me off Or say anything They said that's okay No most dentists are good eh Yeah yeah yeah

They're good You're here now Yeah And if they tell you off Naughty them You shouldn't go back Okay Yeah So what do I ask for Well the one with the Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, well, you're here now. Yeah. And if they tell you off, naughty them. You shouldn't go back. Okay.

Yeah. So what do I ask for? Well, the one with the fancy. But they won't have it, otherwise Andy surely would have busted it out for a VIP. Well, sometimes they have a VIP flosser. Yeah. Yeah. Well, totally. He's like, you've flossed so well, you've unlocked a special reward.

We're going to use the water blaster. Yeah. I think it might cost extra. Yeah, because I pay a little extra to use it. I get a GrabOne voucher. I'm a GrabOne. So embarrassing. This guy.

Why is it embarrassing? Penny pinching. Hey, 80 bucks. It's like 80 bucks. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it is good. I pay a little extra at Lumino to get the machine.

Okay, yeah, right. I know GrabOne's still around. I was just checking your fax. Of course. I haven't seen nor heard. What is? What's happening in GrabOne? GrabOne for a long time.

Yeah, they're still going. I got a voucher the other day. I'm going to get mine in June. It's where it's at. Are you serious? You are the most penny-pinching motherfucker. I'm not. What are you doing?

What are you doing scrolling coupon sites, you son of a bitch? What are you doing? What do you doing scrolling coupon sites, you son of a bitch? What are you doing? What do you mean I'm saving money? And he always uses, he does that Google for like discount codes of any website he's on. Now is that why you're off to Paraguay Springs this weekend?

Because you can currently get a $19 entry. No, I'm not. I'm not going to Paraguay Springs. Is this why you're doing a two night Coromandel luxury chalet stay for two this weekend? Because you can get it at half price on Grab. Is that why you're playing laser tag at Megazone Ponsonby? No, it's not.

Is that why we're going to Rainbow Zen? Because you've got a super pass voucher for $49 as opposed to $69.99. We should do that. Is that why you bought the custom bear family puzzle for $25 that you can get your own names engraved onto? Is that why you've had your hair done recently at Vivo for a half price deal? Is that why you've got a magnetic car windshield cover for when you're out of

the car and you don't want the heat or the ice settling on the windscreen? No, it's not. It's not, but thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I binged all of the first half of Bridgerton season three. It's great. And also, I've read soed all of the first half of Bridgerton season three. It's great. And also I've read so much about how they do the costuming

on that because it's set in the Regency era which is 1813, 1827 ish. How much later is that than the other ones? Or are they all that period? It's all the same.

I thought they'd done a fast forward a couple of generations of Bridgerton. Or are they all that period? It's all the same. It's all connected like that. A fast forward a couple of generations of Bridgerton. Every season is like a year ahead, basically. So 1813 to 1827. How interesting. Just before you get to the complaints of Bridgerton, there have been so many people that have seen this. 45.1 million views.

Yeah. It's really good. Like. It's really good. Like, it's really good. It's so well done. But obviously, like, it's set in that time, but it's not historically accurate. Like, one of the great things about Bridgerton is the way they cast it. Like, there's the black people, Asian people, white people,

and there's no, like, commentary on it. It's just this amazing thing. It's just as it is. But it's not, like, accurate of the time. Did anybody have cholera? Cholera has not appeared in this sexy little show. More of a polio than high density housing. Polio should have been present,

even amongst the rich. But they've always said, it's set in the Regency era, but it's always been, they take liberties. The costumes have little modern elements, or the castingency era, but it's always been in, like, they take liberties. Like, the costumes have little modern elements or, like, the casting is modern. And the music, it's all, like, modern music,

like Taylor Swift and whatnot, but it's just done by, like, string quartets. Yeah. Like, that's one of the cool things. Well, fans are very upset with this season. They're like, we need to talk about the historical inaccuracies. Where's the diphtheria? Yeah.

Where's the scarlet fever? Not that. More where are the eyebrows moving? Oh. Oh. Yeah, man. Botox. Are you saying some of the actors have Botox? All of them. I noticed it the other day because I was watching it and I just feel like I've got such an eye in

now for Botox. Because once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it. That when you start watching Hollywood films, like none of the actresses' eyebrows move that muchox. Because once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it. When you start watching Hollywood films, none of the actresses' eyebrows move that much. I know, because you kind of taught me what to look for. Yeah. And now, it's incredible. Everyone has it. Literally everyone. And you see it in so many people now, and I can't unsee it. You can't.

Could the stiffness of brow be residual effects of typhoid fever? No, no. I don't think you can historically justify this. The other thing, the other complaints, other than noticeable Botox, which obviously you wouldn't have at the time, is acrylic nails, like long, fake acrylic nails.

Did they not have a professionale in 1813? There was not a professionale. They had malls, but there were no professionales in them.? There was not a professionale. Okay. They had malls, but there were no professionales in them. Or fans massage. They didn't have either of those. Acrylic nails and quite obvious fake lashes, which you would never have.

At the time, no. The big bar lashes and stuff. And people are like, guys, like it's so obvious. I think if you're watching Bridget and you're not there for that, it's not like a proper BBC period piece. No. I'm there for the sex. Yeah, you're there for the drama. It's costume sex.

And like the fun. It's so poppy and light and like colourful. It's costume sex. You've started down a road towards furries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bridget is a gateway drug to furries. Yeah. Well, Bridget in season one is the number four all-time Netflix show.

Bridget in season one, did you say? Yeah, Bridget in season one is number four, and season two is number nine. Yeah. And with the current viewing stats of, what, half of season three, it's on its way to being in the top ten as well. The first season was so popular because of John Bidet Ramsey. Well, everyone's saying

What was his name? Oh that was No I've got my people mixed up That was the girl that was murdered in her basement Not by her brother Jean Bonet Ramsey No Jean what's his face? What?

Jean Paul Gaultier No Jean Paul Riggi Yeah that guy Jean Paul Gaultier. No, Jean-Paul Riggi Face. Riggi Jean-Page. Yeah, that guy. Jean-Paul Gaultier. You can see why I got confused. Not quite. So everyone's just like having a moan about this, right? Like, oh my God, the main character, Francesca,

is supposed to be 18, but the actress playing her is 29. And it's like, well, it's fine because of the amount of Botox she's had. And also, and then like all these complaints about like, wow, she's got lash extensions. It's so obvious. And someone's like, hey, are we noticing the fact that pitbull's playing in the background?

Like, I don't think we're really worried about the historical accuracy of Bridgerton. We want to know now. Yes. Oh, I can hear you, bitch. That's what Shada just messaged me. It's on. There is some sexual oh, I can hear you, bitch. That's what Shada just messaged me. It's on. Good morning, darling.

There is some sexual tension in our house. Yeah, wow. Well, yesterday, I don't know why, I was in a mood where I was just like, I think it was because the dentist said I'd done such a great job maintaining my teeth, put me on a bit of a high. You were feeling like a good boy. I was feeling like a good boy.

Yeah. I was feeling like an untouchable good boy. Yeah. I was feeling like an untouchable good boy. Yeah. So I went home and I was just like, I need a wine shot out. You're being provocative. That's what this excess energy is for. Yeah. God has given it to me this afternoon to really test the limits of my wife.

It's not the Borat impressions that get her. It's me telling her what a busy boy I am. You know, when she's lying down, and that's the other thing I kept accusing her of having a nap. She's like, I'm not napping. I'm lying down. I was like, well, that's worse. You said she naps a lot. Big napper. One day she cranked two

naps. But this is why she's so beautiful. That's not amateur. You don't want to change that. She's going to get a haggie saggy face. She's a sleeping beauty. Yeah. She loves a nap. So I said, are you having a nap? And she's like, no, I'm just having a lie down.

I said, well, a lie down is just a nap without the sleep really. It's a gateway to a nap. And then I told her what a busy boy I'd been, how many steps I'd done. Yeah. Love a bit of that. And so she started getting wound up and I was like, you two could have this amount of steps. If you weren't napping. If you weren't napping. I'm not napping. I'm having a lie down. So there was a lot of that, a lot of getting wound up. And I was like, you two could have this amount of steps. If you weren't napping. If you weren't napping.

I'm not napping. I'm having a lie down. So there was a lot of that, a lot of the wind up. And then I felt it. So then the big one is that I am the alpha of the house with everybody, dogs included. Because we got a very excitable golden retriever. And when he's at the back door

and he can see you dishing up his food, he starts doing this like panicky little dance. Yeah. And sometimes if she's doing it, he'll jump up and touch his muddy paw on the ranch line. Oh, yeah. And it winds me up rotten. So when I do it,

the minute I start cutting up the food, I look at the dogs and I say, sit. And they sit there. And then they sat and I dished up the food and I took it all the way out and I put it down in front of them and they kept eye contact with me. They know that the big dog has not yet woofed. They're not allowed to eat. I walked back into the kitchen.

I put the food in the fridge. I shut the fridge. And then I looked at the dogs and I was like, eat. And they began to eat. And I turned to Charlotte and I said, no, that's well trained. And that was what got her. That was what pushed her over the edge. Because, okay, right.

Yeah. Because I'm in charge of the, I'm just, and I'll say it, I'm a better animal owner than she is. Yeah, okay. She panders to them. She lets them do whatever they want and she's a bad animal owner and I like to tell her that. Yeah.

Even saying it now, I can feel her swearing at the radio. Yeah. I'm a great animal owner. Yeah. I can't help it. I've got a way with animals. They respect me. You've been with her so long, you just know the buttons to push.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You must have some buttons with Aaron every time you know you can push them. Yeah, a little bit. More so with me. He's a chill dude. Yeah, he... Yeah, yeah, he is. Like, I don't...

I can't really, like, push him too far. He puts up with a lot from it. You're not a tradie making a $20,000 mistake, so... I mean, that's his button. Yes. I've seen him upset, and it's generally after a very expensive mistake by a tradie. Yes, yeah.

So I don't really push his buttons, but he knows how to push mine. Like, his is always when he's sort of like, not belittles me, but was like, are you struggling? Oh, babe,

you're struggling. You're really struggling with that, are you? And you're like, oh my God, don't you dare. Or if he, like if we mimic each other.

I'm always like, what did you just say? Excuse me, what did you just say? me what did you just say the whole time the whole time oh my god stop it do you still do

like someone has to have the last word yeah all the time walking away from an argument oh yeah I had to have the last word did you

well you didn't have to have the last word oh fine oh my god oh is that right is that right oh shut up we want to take your calls now on this very matter yes Oh, is that right? Is that right? Oh, shut up.

We want to take your calls now on this very matter. Yes, how do you wind up your partner? What are those little buttons that if you know you say it or do it, you know you will get a response out of them every single time. You've got to poke the bear. It's part of being in a relationship. It's fun. Sometimes they're just not paying you enough attention, so you need to play up and be a naughty boy.

Oh, my God. Now, we've had two text messages in. One, can we get an eye they're just not paying you enough attention so you need to play up and be a naughty boy. Oh my God. Now we've had two text messages in. One, can we get an iron check on Sade with all the snapping? Oh,

I'll get an iron check for an iron check. And the second text is I had a fight with my husband last night hearing Vaughn being a dick is winding me up again. I'm so sorry.

I love that. Give us a call. 0800 DALS at MNAL text through Oh, some of these are so bad. 9696 to text through.

How are you winding up your partner? Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Wow. Vaughan, you have aggravated women countrywide. You have. With your winding up. I'm so sorry.

Oh, have I upset you? We want to know. Have you tried calming down? Oh, my God. Jeez, calm down. We want to know what you do to wind your partner up. If it's the one thing you can do or say, and you know every time it'll work.

Yeah. And there are some amazing messages coming through. Maybe some of them are bordering on somebody messaged in. I've been married. Toxic manipulation. But if it's only a little bit of the day or one day a week, it doesn't count. It's fine. That's great. It's good. The ocean, you don't write off the entire ocean because there's polluted parts.

Put that on a horse. That's deep. Put that on a horse. What is that? You don't write off the ocean just because there's polluted parts regarding relationships. It needs a little bit more to tie it into relationships. It's not there. It's not there. It's not worthy of a horse, Shannon.

Tie a horse on the horse. It's not worthy for our end-of-year horse calendar for amazing quotes. No, only the best. Yes. Let's go to Victoria. Victoria, what is the thing that winds your partner up? So we have quite a big age gap in our relationship.

How big? How big and who's oldest? Um, so he's oldest. Um, and there's a 19 year age gap. Oh, wow. You know what? That's hot. How old are you?

How old are you? If you don't mind me asking. I am 30. So he's 49. Hot! Yeah, he's 50 this year. We got a silver fox on our hands? Sorry? We got a silver fox on our hands? Sorry?

We got a silver fox on our hands? Good looking older man? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. He definitely doesn't look his age. When I met him, I thought he was like 35. I am loving this.

He's got the good genes. Yes, Daddy. What do you say to wind him up? Sorry, I just called your boyfriend Daddy. Please carry on. Please carry on. Ignore it. Ignore it. It slipped out and I really apologize. I'm so sorry. How do you wind him up. Sorry, I just called your boyfriend daddy. Please carry on. Please carry on. Ignore it. Ignore it.

It slipped out and I really apologise. I'm so sorry. How do you wind him up? Oh, it's just, I just get to the, he'll wake up now and be like, oh, my back's a little bit sore. So, you know, I'll mention that I'll, you know, go pick him up a Zimmer frame. Oh, sorry, Gramps.

And you said you've just turned 30. Well, jokes on you. Sore've just turned 30. Well, joke's on you. Saw back around the corner. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. So how does he react, though? Does he just laugh it off,

or you know that it'll just wind him up bad? He laughs it off at the beginning, but it depends how far I take it. Yes. Sometimes I've gotten to the point, like, if it's a funny joke, like, how was it a funny joke, like, oh, how was it riding your dinosaur to school back in the 30s?

But when I crack out the Zimmer frame or the, oh, you're going a little bit grey over here or your hair's spinning out a little bit, that's when he starts getting quite defensive. Oh, my God. You're negging your partner. You are negging him. I quite like it. Victoria, thank you. I love your daddy, thank you. Connor, good morning, Connor. Morning, team. First time caller, long time

listener. Oh, yes, welcome, Brad the Bell. Welcome to the show, Connor. Now, how do you wind up your partner? So, we are both teachers, and my partner, like, let's just say off the bat, she is very intellectually Now, how do you wind up your partner? So we're both teachers. And my partner, like, let's just say off the bat, she is very intellectually smart. She's got a master's degree.

Oh, beautiful. She's super up there, like, you know, reading books and stuff. And I teach year six and she teaches year seven, eight. So the school I teach at feeds into her school. And all my students go to her class now whenever they report back and give feedback to her as a teacher they say why can't you be like you know

your partner back at the other school why are you not the teacher or like you know you're teaching us all this high level stuff but like you know Connor's more fun and he's more interesting. Oh, my God, that would annoy me so much. So your way of winding up your partner is being fantastic at your job?

Yes, absolutely. Being better, being better. But if you want to wind her up, do you just drop that in? And how does that go down? Because I can't imagine it goes down well. Yeah, well, you know know sometimes there's issues at school and things like that so you know you come home and she just wants to debrief and talk about her lessons or whatever like that and i'll be like oh this is what i would do and if she does it she

gets really good feedback on it yeah you're a prick because you're right you're right you're right great job you son of a bitch. Oh, my God. Oh, Connor. That would widen me up. Oh, that's brilliant. Connor, thank you. Let's go to Tessa. Tessa, what do you do to wind your partner up?

It's actually something that he does to me. Okay. He sings the wrong lyrics to songs, and then he'll also, if he knows he doesn't know the lyrics, he'll just make it up. And this gets you on, doesn't it? Yeah, it makes me so angry. And every time I tell him, I was like,

you make me want to crash the car when you do this. It just like instantly infuriates me. Oh my God. And he'll just do it anyway. He'll do it anyway. And then I'll hear him like singing songs to our baby in the bath and he'll get the words wrong for like a nursery rhyme

and I'm like, how are you so old and you don't know the words? Like, come on. You're going to make your baby a dum-dum as well and like learn all the wrong words to songs.

That's great. And he knows as well and he'll go, yeah, that's the words. I love that. This wraps you up so much. I love that. Tessa up so much I love that Tessa thank you

Someone just said The number one way To ruin my day Is to sing wrong Wrong lyrics to songs Oh really Yeah Okay

I've never really Sometimes I have to google them I don't know I'm just singing words That sound like it More messages And so many

I'll wind my partner up By asking the same question Over and over and over And every time He gives me an answer I'll just be like, it needs to be better. Sorry, I don't quite understand. I need a better answer than that. Is it chat AI?

You're just like, no, give me a better answer but more passion. Yeah, more this. I keep saying to my wife, because she will mention that the washing fairy magically washes and folds my clothes. Yeah. And occasionally I'll be like, oh, can you hear that? It's the batter of wings. Must be the grumpy fairy. Oh. Must be the grumpy fairy. Oh.

Must be the grumpy fairy. My God. I love this. My husband winds me up when he condescendingly notes that he does a lot around the house cooking, cleaning lawns

but literally is in all the little daily cleaning I do every day but don't feel the need to boast about it. Yeah. I think you're going to have to start boasting about it. I make a boop noise and poke my partner in his butt.

Oh, my God. It gets him really mad. I've been married 48 years, and we still do the have the last word thing too in an argument. Yeah. Right, right. Makes me feel good. Oh, is it?

Right. Okay, well, that's it then. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. I suppose that's it. Yeah. I'm having a casual conversation where my partner and I

have differing views and he'll tell me to calm down. That is a guarantee. With Sade, I'll just be putting, and I can tell I've won an argument when she's like, all right, psycho,

like that. Because to me, she's backed into a corner and she's got one choice and it's to pull out the can, the psycho cannon. It's to call you a psycho. I'm like, oh, here we go.

We're elevating. We're elevating. Okay, now this is the number one way to wind up your partner. Okay. Just call them by their parents' name. They're more annoying parents. Oh, yes. Jeez, Patsy.

If I was nagging a little bit, my husband would call me by my mother's name and it would immediately set me off. And somebody else said, when my husband's been a bit of a stick in the mud, I call him his father's name name and it would immediately set me off. And somebody else said, when my husband's been a bit of a stick in the mud, I call him his father's name. I say, all right, Roger. Oh. Leave him to think about it.

Yeah, good stuff. That is brutal. We've got heaps. I almost think it's a spillover. Really? See, we're going to have a potty. We're going to have a little potty spill. Yeah, love that.

Let's spill out. Potty spill over. We're blowing out. We'll do that. Fact of the day is next. The theme this week, caves. Caves. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day Week here at Fact of the Day. And today's Fact of the Day is about the deepest cave from point of entry to lowest point explored to present day. I feel like this is going to make me feel sick. It will. Yeah. The very of Keener Cave is in the Republic of Abkhazia. I've never heard of.

How's it spelled? A-B-K-H-A-Z-I-A. K-H-A-Z-I-A. Oh, wow. Abkhazia. It's an ex-Soviet state. Right. It has at some stage been part of Russia.

Yeah. But now it's its own state. Well, no doubt they'll want that back in a few years. Internationally recognised as a part of Russia, but now is its own state. Well, no doubt they'll want that back in a few years. Internationally recognised as a part of Georgia. Right. Which is still on Russia's team, I think. Yeah. Last time I checked.

Not our Georgia, Georgia Bird. I'm not sure of her stance on Russia. I'm imagining she's not as pro-Russia as the country of her name. No, she's getting a no. Your silence speaks volumes. Don't be a coward. Yeah, speak up. This cave was only discovered in 1968.

It is 2,223 metres up. So up in a mountain range, some people in 1968 find a four by three metre hole. Okay. And they're like, what are you doing here? Hole. What are you doing here hold what are you doing here hole so they stick their head in the hole and they find out it is a uh it is a 23 meter straight down drop yeah so they're like not my not my bag baby but i know some speleologists yeah you remember that i do remember it it'll be right into that Cave nerds In 1968

the cave was discovered and subsequently explored to the depth of 115 metres 1982 so sometime later Yeah

The cave was discovered for a second time because I mean Russia had bigger things to worry about at the time Yeah I'll be honest

in the 60s through to the 80s it was discovered again and marked. And it was then explored to a depth of 440 metres. So it went from 150 metres to 440. They're like, you know what? This is a deep cave. And then from 1986 to the year 2000,

nothing happened at the cave. And they were like, we're going back to the cave. Okay. And we're going to see how deep this thing goes. So then the deepest they got from 2000 to 2015 was just past 440 metres, which is what they got to in 1986. Wowzers. Then, of course, everybody's just like, well, there's a challenge

and a world record and a YouTube thing and a TikTok. I'll probably get that on TikTok. So further exploration started. As of August 2023, the cave depth had increased to, from 440, 2,223 metres. Good Lord. Yeah, no thanks.

No thank you. I'm all good. It's a no thanks from me. Yeah, I'll sit this one out. So in 2019, they got to 2,212 metres. Not straight down, obviously you curve. It curves around. But they got that far and they got to

what is called a siphon. Now a siphon is what I imagine to be my worst nightmare. It's where a cave goes underwater but comes up again, you think. Like an S-Bend that your toilet or your drain has. Yes. So the water's there, you've got to go through

the water. Now the first time you go through, you don't know that there's going to be another end. Oh! So they didn't know, and at that depth, obviously insanely dangerous, they took an underwater drone. Oh, okay. And went under and found out that it is indeed a siphon, and it is called

Captain Nemo's Last Stand due to the fact that it's so far under the sea. And Captain Nemo was the captain in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Sorry, under the surface. So it's that far down. That's how far down they've got, 2,223 metres, which if you're thinking about how high is Mount Taranaki at the top? Two and a half.

So just shy of how far that is above the surface of the earth is how far below the earth this cave goes. I don't like that. No thanks. I'm not a huge fan of it. I'm all for it, you know what I mean? I'm not a huge fan of it. Why do we need to explore this?

Leave it be. It has the deepest permanent camp set up at 600 metres below the surface. There's a permanent camp set up. And in 2021, when some explorers got there and known to have been in the cave for a while, they found signs of life. What do you mean? Spooky.

Some belongings. Like a squatter. A squatter. A squatter was squatting at 600 metres below. During like COVID, this guy, as the story goes, was just like, I'm in lockdown.

I'm just going to go caving. I went to this cave. Not really. Not a great thing to do by yourself. Got there and was like, I'm going to go in a little bit further. Got to 1,100 metres deep when he was going down his rope and he had an equipment failure where he hung on the rope as he died of hypothermia. Oh.

At 1,100 metres. Oh, I don't like that for him now. Just hanging out. Hanging on a rope. Goodness. I'm all good. Do you know what I mean? That's a grim end to today's fact of the day, Vaughn.

Well, it's no, it comes with a moral. Can you pep it up a bit? It comes with a moral. What's the moral? When I was a child, we were all trying to go into the sewers to be ninja turtles. Yes. And it was dangerous and it was silly and it was dark. I'm going to move you on now.

You can get into a lot of trouble. Same thing happens to grown-ups in caves. Don't go caving by yourself. Always take a buddy. So today's fact of the day is that the deepest cave in the world currently, and they believe it goes lower, is 2,200 metres below its entry point up a mountain. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day

Live every time For the person that just text messaged and asked It's live every time Live every time. Live every time. Hi, man. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM. Okay, I said blackout shopping, and then I was like, are these like those big sales, like the Black Friday sales?

No. No. Blackout shopping has the youths addicted. And that is when you are just basically online, on your phone, and you're like, oh my God, she in,

or like one of those like cheap, or even like team or whatever. And then you just start adding to cart, adding to cart, making these ginormous orders, and they just get hooked. It's like this little addiction. Or they TikTok shop.

You can shop on TikTok. The girlies are nodding. I mean, I never have, but they can shop on TikTok. The girlies are nodding. I mean, I never have. But they're hooked on it, despite the fact that their enthusiasm over their purchases very rarely lasts. Because it's just a bunch of crap. I did it.

Remember when Timu first arrived and I made that huge order and then it's like, get more and this one's free. And you're like, okay, okay, okay. And I think I ordered 10 things, none of which I still own. They're just junk landfill fillers.

Don't do it. It's crap. Don't do it. It's crap. And they get you because I got something on there recently, you know, that little holder for my phone so you can clip it onto the tray table of the plane, which I love, by the way. But it was like $3. But they're like, you need to spend $30 to get it.

What? Just send it to me. So they say it's like a thrill. It's like little dopamine hits, right? You're just like, oh, that's a bargain. Oh my God, well, if I'm paying for shipping, I might as well do it. And they get these cheap orders of crap. And then it arrives and they're like, oh my God,

why did I do this? This is such crap. And they have all this buyer's remorse. And as you say, it's just junk that then just sits there. That Timuho literally, I know my mum's got some like good things off Timu and you can like hunt through and be like, oh, that's great for like storage or like little useful things like that little holder. I just bought straight crap. And it unfortunately literally went straight in the bin.

Shannon, at the social media desk, you've been guilty of some blackout shopping recently. I've done it this morning. What did you do? Well, it's arrived this morning, but I saw on TikTok a bunch of girls using banana clips. They were big in the 90s. Yeah.

And it made them all look like they had thicker hair than they did. Yes. So I bought about seven of them. I'm holding one now. I've decided it doesn't look great on me. But I think I just need to keep on trying. I've already given Carwin one because I'm nervous that I've

overindulged. Yeah, you probably didn't need seven of them. Yeah, but there is just I'm not proud of it, but there is such a mentality of like, oh, there's a five pack. It's cheaper than getting one. If I'm going to look like that girl, then I need five of them clearly. This one has a bow. I need that.

And are you doing this with other webs? Are you just shopping and buying lots of stuff and then you're like, I don't need this. I literally bought a bunch of makeup yesterday, new shampoo, new conditioner. If you're buying the conditioner, you need the matching hair mask because it's important.

Wow. And here I am not eating three meals a day because I can't afford it. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Well, some Aussie dickhead has woken up in Bali with a tattoo regret. Two tattoo regrets. We cross now to the regret desk for our regret correspondent, Fletch. Yes, this young Australian woman, Rhiannon Cunningham. She's called an Australian influencer.

Okay. And she was just doing the, we've all done it, just gone to Bali. Yeah. Had some wild loose nights. Yeah, man. She had one. On the Arak. Been bintan too many. Yeah. Got two tattoos. What are they?

She had met a guy and they ended up drinking and they were like, should we just get tattoos? I get the vibe, man. I've been in Bali and Thailand. It's always that vibe. They're like, let's do it. Let's just do it. I remember being in Thailand, this is years ago,

and some British guy, it was in the morning, and he was, like, hungover, and he had just got the night before a stick man tattoo. And it was the most hideous tattoo I've ever seen. He himself knew as well it was hideous. Yeah, it was bad. And was full of regret. I watched after the full moon party

someone get a sheep tattoo and the sheep was saying moo and they thought it was real funny. And I was like, we'll see how funny that is. In two days time when the MDMA wears off. Well anyway, she spoke of her regret and we put this to you. Do you regret your tattoo? Any one of them.

30% of people said yes. 17% of people said no. It's quite high. Considering the regret is permanent unless you laser it off. Aisha says, classic butterfly on my ribs. I drew it myself and would love if I

hadn't let the artist convince me that it needed an extra wing so he drew it on himself. An extra set of wings? No. An extra set of wings? No. You're talking a dragonfly now. This is like that time my mum said to win the colouring in competition, I should add something, and it just ruined the whole thing.

What did you add? I think it was a turtle. It was an underwater scene. Oh. And it was terrible. Oh, mum. And I've never forgiven. Sometimes less is more. Yeah, I've never forgiven Bev for that.

Oh. Yeah. Amanda says, I don't regret what it is, but I do regret the size of it. Oh, now I want to know what it is. Oh, yeah. Oh, Pilate? Pilate. That's a name?

It's hard to say Pilates. Are you sure it's on a... Pilate or Pilate? Are you sure it's on a business messaging? It could be a Pilate. Could be. Pilate. Pilate.

The only one that I should regret I'm not too worried about because it's a home job on the ass cheek. As long as no one sees it, we good. What, with like a big pen and a compass at school?

Good God, I hope not. You could buy... At school tattoos. You could buy them off AliExpress tattoo guns and I know a few people that were like buying them and oh my God,

it led to some horrendous dumb decisions. No, no, no. As Zinnia said, I have a cherry under my boob that i did myself and it looks like a penis also i have the word don't right by my vagina it was supposed to say don't smoke wait what and but did they was it looks like i'm just i just zinnia looks like a handful. Before knowing about cherry dick under the tit and don't right by the vagina. Did it hurt too much? And she was like, I can't go on with this.

Yeah, don't. Just stop. Just stop. Yeah. Shauna says, me and my old flatmates had a few drinks and decided to get our address tattooed on our bodies. It was not a good idea. I now have just a number tattooed on my hip bone

and when people ask me what it's for, I do like to make up different stories. Yeah was not a good idea. I now have just a number tattooed on my hip bone and when people ask me what it's for, I do like to make up different stories. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. Remember that time

we lived at 27A? Yeah. 27A. Don't even own the house. Brooke says, they're there forever so why bother with regret? Yeah, totally.

I bet regret skyrocketed the minute there was an option to get them removed. Yes. Albeit expensive. If it became cheaper, I bet regret skyrocketed the minute there was an option to get them removed. Yes. Albeit expensive. If it became cheaper, I bet regret would even go up higher

because people are like, it would only cost me $20 to get rid of this. I feel like one of mine is pretty shy, but I don't regret it. I'm just like, oh, it's there,

like whatever. Yeah, I don't love it, but it's like, it's fine. I have a huge tattoo of a flower on my shoulder and then I got married to someone whose last name is Flower, so now it looks like I've got my own name instead of a flower on my shoulder and then I got married to someone whose last name is Flower

so now it looks like I've got my own name instead of a pictogram tattooed on myself. Look like you're a bit too into them. Yeah, hard out,

calm down. Amanda would like to talk about 2003. Okay. Oh yeah, Playboy Bunny. Back in 2003, 15 year old me

got a tribal tramp stamp tattoo. I am now so embarrassed at the beach as a 36-year-old. Oh. Yeah. That is still there. See, I'd laser that. Yeah, something like that.

I'd say I can get that lasered off. Especially when you see that one quite a lot. Yeah. I got a friendship tattoo 20 years ago and haven't spoken to the other two since about a month after we got the tattoos. I think one of them died about 10 years ago. I just can't be arsed getting it covered. I think one of them died.

Jesus. If you get a tattoo, a matching tattoo with someone, I think you should know when they die. Yeah, you should. I think you should probably go to their funeral, maybe even play an important part at the funeral. Yeah. Paul Bearer, speech giver.

Yes. Usher. Yeah. Usher, usher. Usher, usher. Usher, usher. Alex says, Google Translate did me wrong, but also I can now realise in hindsight that it was cultural appropriation at the time.

It has been removed. It has been removed. And what did it say? I don't know. But you know it was in Chinese, right? Yeah, yeah. Or Sanskrit. It probably said like white prick or something.

It's always an old white asshole. This Asian continent language that gets whacked on the old body and misinterpreted by Google. Yes. That silly little pole. Okay, if you had to rate, review or marry Fletch, Vaughn or Hayley, what one would it be? Okay, I would marry Hayley.

I would have sex. Wait, which one is it? No, no, no, no. It's only rate, review, marry. Oh, okay. No comment. If I have sex with the podcast, I don't know how that would work. Give us a sexy little review, though.