ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 25th July 2024

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

Nuggi the Dog  Top 6: Canadian Punishments  Silly Little Poll!  How do you get back at rude customers?  Producer Jared's Nerdy Faux Pas  The Ancient Greek Quadrennial Sport & Athletics Competition! The Impossible Phoner!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Can you smell that? Oh, stop it. I'm really self-conscious. It's quite musty.

Smells like BO. Yeah, musty. No, it's not BO. It's not. I think I've got a stinky T-shirt. What does it stink of, though? Like, wash, like, wet washing. I think I've got a stinky t-shirt What does it stink of though? Like wash Like you left it in the machine For three hours and then you hung it up

Yeah that's bad I don't know I don't smell great And there's nothing I can do about it We used to have girl math t-shirts in the locker But we all took them home and now I've got nothing Do you have any spray?

I'm covered in spray. Carfoon? No. I was just saying to the girls it's going to get to that point where it's mixing. You know, like poo and lavender? Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah.

So if you smell me, that's it. That's what's happening. Lucky it's radio then. And smell doesn't permeate to the listener. Well, not yet. Ward and I will have to take one for the team here today. Yes. The top six is coming up.

Canada, a bit of Olympic scandal yesterday. Yeah, this is weird, eh? Flying a drone over the football ferns practice. Yeah. To see how they do corners. Yeah, like, well, just kick the ball. Which way are they going to kick the ball? Weird.

Yeah, it's Olympic scandal. You just heard in the news they've fired one of their coaching staff. I've got the top six punishments for Canada. It's kind of an act of war, isn't it, really? Do you know what's funny? It is. It is. This happened to my marching team.

This is before I marched for them, but my marching team was very, like, the best. Yeah. And once they called another marching team spying in the bushes trying to steal like hand movements and stuff. Funny, eh? Oh God.

It's like the stuff of legend. Who knew that marching was that competitive? Oh God, that team. They're coming up with such good moves. We're going to have a look. Did you see their fingers?

They were like... Yeah. Their fingers were like that, we should do that. That's wild. But the top six is coming up. No five on time today.

It was one yesterday. So no $25,000 prize for you today. I need top six is coming up. No five on time today. It was one yesterday. So no $25,000 prize for you today. I need somebody to fill the void. Well, we've got World Tour. Yeah, that's good. The Island Edition. Your chance to win a trip to Rarotonga. Just go to ZM Online's Instagram.

If you want to escape the cold and the wet. Next on the show, this is a really sad story. But it's quite funny It's Yeah I read it and I was like oh my god And then a tragic twist Yeah A tragic twist

The story of Nuggie The fat dog I don't know if this is a historic case, but it's got the markings of a historic case. A woman has fed her dog to death. Oh, dog. Not starved. The other end of the eating spectrum.

And she's got like two months in prison for it. Yep. And a fine. Did the SPCA get involved? Yeah, they did. The SPCA, they kind of led the prosecution. She fed this dog to death in these photos, and it's like, I love a fat animal as much as the next person,

but Nuggie couldn't even walk 10 metres, having to stop three times to catch his breath when animal control officers rescued him from her home. His body looks like a pain au chocolat. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it does. You know those chocolate... Oh, my God.

She fed him dog biscuits and up to 10 pieces of chicken a day. Two months in prison. Now, it also doesn't say where that chicken's from. Are you imagining chicken from the supermarket or are you imagining

it's a KFC family pack? No, I imagine she was just buying... Chicken. Chicken in bulk. I mean, how much was she spending on this dog? Oh, no. He's really suffered.

That's awful. It's quite a cute photo, though, isn't it? Oh, no. He's really suffered. That's awful. It's quite a cute photo, though, isn't it? He was 53.7 kilograms. Oh, my God. And he's not like a Great Dane. He's not even a retriever or a Labrador. He's a smaller dog than that. Yeah.

Well, I mean, fatter, but smaller in stature. It's so sad they couldn't even hear his heartbeat with a stethoscope because the sound couldn't penetrate the fat. Oh, jeez. So SBCA took him away. It's so sad. And did their best. He lost nine kgs and then suddenly died.

He just couldn't take it. Oh, darling. He's enormous, they called him. Enormous. Yeah. I mean, look at the photo. Oh. That's awful.

It's really sad. It's horrible that some people's Mental illness sort of like Manifests itself in animals direction Do you because 100% You're not like when your dog Gets chunky you're like whoa you're a chunky monkey

Yeah my cat's chunky at the moment And I'm working on it But when your dog can't walk And you keep feeding it It's not, but when your dog can't walk. Yeah, that's. And you keep feeding it. Yeah. It's not good. You rescued your dog. He was a bit chunky, wasn't he?

He was a chunky. He was chunky. And you put him on diet. Aye. Aye. He was, yeah, the people who had him freaked out every time he like showed affection and he's very like energetic and friendly and they'd be like ah and throw food at the other end of the section

to get him away and so he'd run and yum yum yum yum yum so he was like now this is how I behave if I want to get treats I want more and he just would keep doing it and they'd keep doing it it was a bit of a bad cycle they shouldn't have had a dog I mean they named him Richie McCaw I don't think

anyone who's naming their dogs after that they named him Richie McCaw. I don't think anyone is naming their dog after that. Yeah, he's Richie McCaw. Do you think it'll get to the point where there's animal ozempic? Yeah, because at the moment all they have is those like water bath things, when they put them in those harnesses and make them walk on an

underwater treadmill. Yeah, because it's easier on the joints. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, probably. Or like gastric bypass On the limbs, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, probably. Or like gastric bypass, you know, or like liposuction? Yeah, I don't know. Could you suck out dog fat? It's easier on dogs because they can only eat what you give them. Yeah.

So it's on you as the owner. No, I know, but it is a bit torturous sometimes. Like, Rolly's chunked on weight at the moment, and I don't know why. Is he stress eating? I think he could be stress eating. Yeah. But he's constantly hungry.

Was Aaron feeding him oven-baked pizzas while you were in Italy? Honestly, probably. I'll feed the cat what I feed myself. Some pasta or something. I hope you like raw, uncooked ravioli, my friend. Couple of chunky boys missing home. 12 past six. Next on the show, I have some shocking statistics about how men, looking at you, behave on stag do's

at the strip club. Oh, yuck. I'm not yuck. That's your profession. You do it if you want. Oh, great save. Great save. He's an ally.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I visited a strip club before. You have? Yes. I have too. Yes, Fletch. Not a huge fan. Yeah, there have been a couple of stag do's

and I'm like, what am I doing here? Yes. Man, this warm, flat Corona was definitely worth 15 bucks. Oh my God, it's so expensive. The last few stag do's I've been to have been just great, because they're just normal. There's no shenanigans. Yeah, a lot

of homosexuals, you're not heading to strip club. Yeah, true, but even the straight ones, it's just been normal. Yeah, I think it's just night out with the boys. Yeah, exactly. Aged out of it, right? Yeah, I haven't been in a year. No, no. It's a weekend with the lads and just...

Maybe, but then, you know, there's still some people that are into all of that kind of stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, very, very much so. Well, there is a stripper. She's an Australian stripper. Yes.

And she was sharing some staggering statistics because apparently, if you look at some different research, 70% of Americans have cheated on their significant other. Wow, okay. At a stag do. No, not at a stag do. In general. Okay.

And then this former stripper was like 100%. I used to work in a strip club in Australia. This is what it was like. And she was like, I reckon 80% of men will cheat at their bucks party, at their stag do. What?

That is wild. And not meaning like they'd shag her because that was not a service she provided. But she was saying how as part of her act, she had some foam involved. Oh, okay. There was foam involved. Foam.

Like shaving foam or foam machine. She actually did not specify. Foam. Her foam or foam machine. She actually did not specify. Foam. Her name's Hayley. She actually did not specify. I think shaving foam. The kind of foam. It lasts a bit longer.

Yeah, but God, it's got that intense stink. Yeah. Yeah, it's yuck. Yeah. Stain your clothes. So as part of her act, she would have this foam involved and she would spot the stags, you know, because they'd be wearing some ridiculous

outfit or whatever it was obvious who the stag was and so she would like play up for them because it's their stag dude get their money and then at the end of it she'd always take them away to help them get cleaned up and she was like that's when she said I reckon about 80% of them would

try it on with her try to kiss her try to hook up with her, try to, you know, make moves on her. And she never did it. She was always like, it's disgusting. But she was just sharing how shocked she was at how the vast majority of people in this dag do. And she was like, it's because they think

that a stripper doesn't count. Yeah, right. In their mind, they're like... It's a fantasy, so it doesn't count. Yeah, right. As a real person. In their mind, they're like... It's a fantasy, so it doesn't count. She's like, you can tell by the way that they talk about you, to you, that they're not thinking of you as a person. So therefore, it doesn't count. So it doesn't count.

Yeah. Because one, I'm almost dag doing two, she's a stripper. Yeah. Which is wild. Isn't it wild? So she just said she saw this behaviour all the time. Yeah. And there would be some women that are like,

you're not going to a stag do. That's such a cliche. You're not going to a strip club for your stag do. For this reason. I mean, I could give a toss if my partner went to a strip club. I would just be like, yeah. But then you hear this, you're like, oh, wow. Are people actually cheating on their stag do

what a cliche yeah do you know what I mean to be like oh you know they hide a stripper and they're like oh shag do

and you're like oh yuck what a cliche but isn't that wild that like the numbers that high yeah and then I was looking

into that research that 70% of people have cheated on their partner and you're like oh my god really shocking I went to a the last time I went to a strip club 70% of people have cheated on their partner. You're like, oh my God. Really? Shocking.

I went to a, the last time I went to a strip club, somebody was there and he said, and it was a week, well, it was like six weeks before Indy was due to be born, my daughter. And, but turns out

just like two weeks before she was actually born. And he said to me, oh, if your baby you're about to have as a daughter, you'll never want to come to one of these places again. And he was right. I know a few strippers that have found it incredibly, like, empowering.

They loved it. And do they make lots of money? Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah. Like, tons of money. But, God, there's some funny stories. I know you'd have to deal with all the men. Yeah.

And, you know, before you work your way up to your Friday night, Saturday night spots, you've got to do your like Monday 11 a.m. Who's going to a strip club at Monday 11 a.m.? In America, like in TV shows when the strip clubs are open at that time, they always serve like really, like really good looking ribs or chicken nibbles, chicken wings. That's why we're there. What TV show was it?

And they would go there and it was always just like these ribs. And I was like, God damn, those ribs look good. I might sit through a Tuesday 11am. You can just put your hand over your eyes and be like, respect to the ladies. You can absolutely, you don't need to come anywhere near me. I'm here for the ribs. I'll give you some coin because you're working in the morning here on a Monday. If you bring me the ribs, I will tip you.

It sounds like someone's working out their excuse to go to a strip club at Monday at 11am. I'll give you some coin because you're working in the morning here on a Monday. And you bring me the ribs, I will tip you. Yeah. It sounds like someone's working out their excuse to go to a strip club at Monday at 11am. My darling, it was the ribs. It was the ribs. No, Shani's coming with me. You think she's missing out on ribs? That woman loves ribs. The woman loves a good sticky rib. She loves a sticky rib.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. So, Canada was caught with a drone spying on our football firms. Yeah. Unbelievable. At their training, right?

I did not consider us such a threat in the Olympic football arena that we would warrant spying. If you were spying on Brazil, Italy, France, Spain, your big football nations, that's why I'm England. It's not coming home. Yeah. Yeah. I just can't believe it.

Yeah. They're calling it an Olympic spy storm. And the people are like, we haven't even really kicked off. Yeah. They haven't even had the opening ceremony. When is the football? Because is it the sevens or the football that's pre? My parents are at the football as we speak.

That's the pre. The niece. Yeah, there's a whole bunch of stuff that's kind of getting some preliminary stuff out of the way. Oh, yeah, because there'll be so many games. I think my parents are at now. Yeah, diving as well. Bit of diving started as well. Yeah, saw Tom Daley posting about that.

So yeah, they flew a drone over. Did you see he was getting roasted for the way that he was testing out his beard on like all fours? How's your bottom? Oh, 100%. 100%. The boy knits cardigans.

You know what I mean? I knew he was gay. I just wasn't quite sure if he was top or bottom. Yeah, bottom. Oh, he is so bottom. Okay, let me have a look here. Football. Group A, Canada versus New Zealand, 3 a.m. tomorrow.

So by the time we're on air tomorrow, we'll have an answer. We'll have an answer. We'll have a result. We'll have an answer as to how we're going there. And then, oh, Monday, July the 29th, we're playing Colombia. Oh, Colombia. So the football ferns are our ladies. That'll be wonderful.

Is that right? Woo! Because of the football talent? Because of the football. Yeah, okay. Right. The football. Yeah.

So the All Whites are our gents and the football ferns are our ladies. Yes. Correct, Armando. I think my parents are supporting the boys. Okay. They're watching the boys in Nice. But this was the women that were spied on. Oh, we already played.

The men have already played. Yeah, I know. We beat Guinea 2-1. Yeah, I know. My parents are there right now. Why don't you come to us with a bit of... Papa New Guinea or the pig? Morocco beat Argentina.

Morocco beat Argentina. Go Morocco. Jesus. I don't know, Argentina will be bloody... Undies will be ripped about that. Yeah, they won't be happy about that. They shouldn't be tumblers. Anyway, the Canadians have been spying on our beloved football ferns. That's not very Canadian-ly.

It's not. I have the top six punishments for Canberra. Okay, good. I mean, Canadians on a whole. Number six. Yeah, it is. No maple syrup for their pancakes. Oh, my God.

Enjoy the dry pancakes. Forever or just like six-month term? Six-month ban. For the foreseeable future, I'll decide when they can again enjoy delicious, moist, sweet cakes. Okay. Number five on the list

of the top six punishments for Canadians. No more cool hats or horses for their police officers. Yeah, they do have cool hats. They've got cool hats. The mounted. They call them cool hats. The mounted. They call them Mounties. Canadian Mounties. Mounties Canadian hats.

It's cool. One moment, please. It's a cool hat. They're on a horse. Are we using the word cool right? Yeah, that's a cool hat. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six punishments for Canada.

For spying on our football ferns. No more beavers. What? How will they build dams? Well, we're going to take all the beavers. Okay. And they can have the beavers back eventually. Okay.

But I hope you enjoy your free-flowing waterways. I hope you enjoy being beaver-free. Yeah. Nobody wants to be beaver-free. I'm adding on, I'm taking the raccoons as well. I'm a big raccoon. Are you? At the moment, my algorithm is primarily attractive woman,

but a lot of raccoon action. I don't know, I've been hacked, I think. I think I've been hacked as well because mine's massive Viking men. And I was like, how did that get in there? How did that even happen? Yeah, I don't know, but I get a lot of raccoon content. And I'm here for it. R content. And I'm here for it. Raccoons.

I'm here for it. And hot women. That's me to a T. Trash pandas and babes. Trash pandas. Trash pandas. Number three on the list of the top six punishments for Canadians for spying on our football fans. They have to decide which European language they want for their country.

You can't have English and French. Yeah. About time you chose. Also, I wrote, pick a European language. Pick an European language doesn't sound right,

does it? Nah, a European because you say the Y of European. There's no Y in European. No, but you say it with like the sound of a Y. Yeah, like it should be

spelled Y-U-R-O. Wait, so it's correct to say an European? No, it's incorrect because of the sound of a Y. Like it should be spelled Y-U-R-O. Wait, so it's correct to say an European? No, it's incorrect because of the sound of it. You don't say... What, have you got a green squiggly line under it? It should be, yeah, pick a European language. This is very highly Google.

You don't say... It is a European. In definite articles, a is used before a word that starts with a consonant. You don't say, who's giving an eulogy at the funeral? English sucks. So go with French if you're Canadian

and you're listening, I reckon. No, French is actually very difficult as well. It's hard as well. Alright, number two on the list of the top six punishments for Canadians

for spying on our football fans. No gravy or curd on your poutine. Oh my God, just chips. Just raw fries. Yeah. Take that. Like the rest of the world. Yeah gravy or curd on your poutine. Oh, my God, just chips. Just raw fries. Yeah. Take that. Like the rest of the world. Yeah.

Who've been doing it wrong. Just dry fries. And number one on the list of the top six punishments for Canadians. They're not allowed to apologise. Oh, good. Yeah, that'll get them. Very apologetic. Very polite people.

But we don't want your apology. What are they going to do when they walk into someone? Oh, I'm so glad that happened. Yes. Take that. We're Canada. Wow. That's today's top six.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. So Clyde Key School, which is in Mount Victoria, Wellington, they every year hold a fundraiser and it's to, you know, put money into their school to upgrade things. Oh, they're always raising money

aren't they, schools? Yeah. Because they have none. Yeah. Famously. Yep. They got no money. We support your kids' school day. We go to the quiz. Yeah, that's to help take down the overall cost Of a camp attendance fee That's

I think that fundraiser Because otherwise You know a lot of kids Do you know how much It costs to send a kid To bloody camps these days It's like 500 bucks It just blows my mind

When you're overseas And you see Or you're in Auckland And you see like An overseas group of kids In there from some school And you're like That's even crazy

You're like How much does it cost to send? Let's not forget I went to New Caledonia. I was going to say, like, you went to a private school. Us public schoolers. Where'd you go? You'd go to Roadie to Auckland. Oh, to the big smile.

And then you'd be billeted. Stay in the Mariah Newmarket. Yeah, or you'd be billeted. There was none of it. Sports things was always billeting. There's no overseas trips. That's awful. I'm so sorry you had to live life like that. That's okay. Sports things, there's always billetings of sports. There's no overseas trips. That's awful. I'm so sorry you had to live life like that.

That's okay. Thank you, it's okay. I mean, I had a beautiful bonjour time. It is making you the men you are today. Now, Clikey's School held one of these fundraisers, and usually they like to do a travel fundraiser so they can get a lot of money. And they'll have a trip.

Rarotonga. Yeah, nice. All right. Europe. Europe. So they put together this trip idea again, and they were like, we need to, I think it was fix a hall, like do some work on a school hall or something like that.

They have raised, where's the number, $112,000. Jeez. $112,000 to fix their haul. And the way they did it was they had a trip to London, seven nights accommodation, flights, spending money, two Taylor Swift tickets. Oh. That's what it is.

Wow, okay. How'd they wrangle that? So one of the parents, the PTA, managed to source two highly sought after premier tickets through a concierge friend in London. Oh. Imagine. Just being like, I've nabbed this.

Because you can't really do giveaways unless you've got permission from Taylor's people or any kind of artist people. Oh, really? Yeah, really strict rules on it. And they will find out if there is like anything that pops up kind of on social media or online. Oh, like if we were to do a ticket giveaway without the right channels.

You'd get caught out and you'd get a cease and desist within like minutes. Well, I guess technically they've just semi-bored it. I mean, maybe they're playing the we're just a cute school angle. And it's two tickets. Like, what are you going to shut down a primary school? For a cutesy little gear, yeah. So then, right, they said, once we knew we had the golden tickets,

we pulled our bake sale money and the rest is history. So they did bake sales to raise the money to get the flights and accommodation and all that. Oh, wow. Then they got these tickets, packaged it all up in this pretty amazing thing, and then they sold raffle tickets for $25 each and they've obviously sold so many

more because of the Taylor Swift little clincher there. And I believe our very own Carl Wayne who has already seen Taylor Swift twice on this tour. You bought a ticket? Yeah, look guys I love charity. I love helping kids. You love Mount

Victoria Wellington schools. It holds a small personal spot in my heart. Very small. Does it? Not at all self-serving. No, no, no. So you bought a raffle for this? Yeah, my friend and I both did.

Because we were like, it's $25. You guys buy lotto tickets. This is just my version of a lotto ticket. Actually, we have a chance. No, nobody won last night. It's $27 million. And Sant D, all right. You know what won last night. It's $27 million. Wow. And Sant D.

You know what I mean? And it's like in a couple of weeks, so I would have had to go ASAP. Wait, so you haven't won? The winner has been announced. So I'm going to say no. Damn it. There is a winner, Sarah McElroy.

She was announced on Tuesday. McElroy. McElroy? No, it's not. It's my family name. M-C-E-L-R-O-Y. L-L-R-O-Y. M-C-I-L.

No, it doesn't look like an I. If I look for another capital I, it's different. I know. Well, who cares how to say a name? McElroy, maybe. Maybe it is an I. No, it's different. Yesterday I was called Vaghan again, so I do care a little bit.

So she was announced on Tuesday as the winner. She's absolutely, like, amazed. She heard it advertised. Was like, I'm going to do this. What an amazing fundraiser. She's been a member of many PTAs before trying to raise money for school. She knows what it's like. Great thing to support.

Did they put, like, a value on this trip? Would have been at least like 10. Thousands, thousands. For two, trip for two? Trip for two. And now. Anna Com. Her dilemma is, I don't know how to take.

Me, me. Hi, I'm here. Hi, I'm Colin. What do you know about Sarah McIlroy? Nothing, but I reckon we could be best buds. Yeah, that's a problem. I was not going because she keeps saying her name wrong. Well, it's, no, there is no capital I.

I've looked at another capital I in this article in this font. M, lowercase C, lowercase L, lowercase L. McIlroy. Anyway, so she said she's got a short list of friends. You'd be like, you'd take your richest friend. Yeah. Because you've got flights and accommodation and

tickets to the show And spending money And spending money And spending money I mean I don't know how much Spending money I'd still take my Richest friend Yeah

Like I'd take I'd take Fletcher Vachade Because he gets upgrades On planes and shit too He gets perks He gets He's a perk He's a perk pal

And he'd organise Everything else around it Right no but You're taking me Because we're like Best friends though Aye Aye And you're taking me because we're best friends, though, eh? Oh, and you're my richest friend. Yeah.

No, he's using the word best friend. Are we best? You don't have any ongoing crippling mortgage debate? No, but he wants to know if he's your best friend, not your richest friend. Is there a friendship here? Is there an actual friendship? So that you guys can have a nice trip together.

Yeah, like will we still have fun or will you just want my credit card? The credit card and the organisational skills. A little of column A, but mostly column B. Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little boys.

Silly little boys. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little boys. Silly little boys. Silly silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Do you swallow chewing gum as they say, silly little pole? I don't know the origins of the silly little pole.

Popped into my little noggin. Because when I was in Italy with my parents. There it is. First one of the day. First one of the day. Italy bell. Or are you dinging that because I'm the day. First one of the day. Italy bell. Or are you dinging that because I'm hot?

Is it the hot bell or the Italy bell? It's both. Oh, thank you. My mum has always been an airwaves lady. Literally. And do you know what?

She started in the 90s, I think, because... After her durries? No, my mum was never a durrie lady. Oh. She did it so that we, the kids,

didn't have her chewing gum because it was so overwhelming. Airwaves, you know, like blasts right through you. Oh yeah. So she'd get the strong stuff. So that we weren't like, hap-ba-ba-ba. She wasn't having a mid-afternoon wine. 100% she was. Just for an open home, popped a couple of airwaves.

Anyway, she's still an airwaves lady. When I was in Italy, you'd always be driving in the car and my mum would be like, do you want an airwave? Anyone want an airwave? I used to be a chewing gum person, but I just don't. Oh, it's awful. Did you used to be a chewing gum person? You always had chewing gum.

But then I know some people that have substituted chewing gum for vapes or ciggies because, you know, you've got to do something. Like nicotine gum or just normal gum. Oh, I thought you meant

that giving up gum and going back to the Durres. No. Oh God, I can't do any more of this gum. And there is the urban legend that if oh, if you swallow chewing gum, it stays in there for seven years. I mean, I don't know where that came from, but from the Mayo Clinic, if you swallow chewing gum,

this is a Google search, it's true that your body can't digest it, but the gum doesn't stay in your stomach. No, poop it out. It stays intact, and you poop it out. You poop it out into the loo. I mean, they didn't say poop it out. They say intact and you poop it out. You poop it out into the loo. They didn't say poop it out. They say it moves intact through your digestive system and is excreted in your stool.

Mayo Clinic is so square. I know. Tell me layman's terms. Say poop it out, Mayo Clinic. You poop it out. Yeah, I'm just Googled where does the gum and the seven-year myth come from and no one's really sure. Well, this popped into my head because I

would chew the gum for a little bit. It loses its flavour. It becomes so dark. After like ten seconds. And then I was like, what do you do with it? If you don't have a little paper or a tissue. Flick it out the window. No, I didn't do that. You know, I don't do that either. Well, you don't have a window. Oh, you've got a window in your house

but you don't have a car to toss it out the window of. No, I don't have a car. You don't have a car. 86% of people said no. What about people that put it in the urinals? You won't know this. Guys do this all the time. Spit their chuddy in the urinal, blocks up the urinal. They spit their chuddy in the urinal.

Here at work, the gym, everywhere you go, there is always chuddy in the urinal. And you've got to use your waist drain to try to move it around. Hope that it's gone hard. That's the rule. You must. Yeah. Anything in the urinal. And you've got to use your wee stream to try to move it around. Hope that it's gone hard. That's the rule. You must. Yeah. Anything in the urinal, you've got to hit with your wee stream.

With your wee stream. If somebody else drops a pube in there, you've got to use your wee stream to try to pee the pube down the hole. The lollies. The little urinal cake lollies, you know. Trying to shuffle that along. They don't use those as much. They've got mats now that they put down that smell. I've seen the mats. Not at down that smell. No, not at the

Herpite Taff, mate. Still a long wall. Silver. You could probably fit about seven lads in there. Could you what? Oh, wow. This is a whole new world. The unified power of seven lads streams after a lime red super cold. Yeah, those urinal cakes right

over the bloody hole in no time. Do you swallow gum? 14% of people said yes. That's wild. Isn't that crazy? Nikki, our first respondee. Feels nice and silky when you shit it out. XX. Nikki.

Wow, Nikki. Some respect for the integrity of the show, please. And your gut health, please, Nikki. Anne says, because my parents told me I would get stuck in my belly for years, that's why I never swallow it. Natalie, I don't chew chewing gum. It's disgusting.

And we should take a page out of Singapore's books and make it illegal. Isn't just spitting it out illegal? No having it. They don't even sell it. Don't they? Oh, I didn't know that. I knew you weren't allowed to. Singapore.

That's why it's such a clean city. It's a beautiful city. Jacqueline said, my dad told me I'd fart bubbles. Jacqueline. Sorry. Jacqueline. Fart bubbles. She'd fart bubbles.

I mean, that's a great way to stop your kids swallowing the gum. Yeah. Nathan, it's actually bad for your stomach not to swallow. The chewing action stimulates the stomach acid, so it needs to give it some gum. Yeah. Nathan, it's actually bad for your stomach not to swallow. The chewing action stimulates the stomach acid, so it needs to give it some gum to dissolve. I knew this. Passes through like any food. Because you're chewing like that,

so your stomach gets ready to start digesting, and then you don't put anything in it, and it's like... And then you hunk. But I thought it was also supposed to be a suppressant. I mean, come on. We're a nation of eaters. There's going to be some food there soon. There's going to be some yummy it won't be long

no duh says Leah it takes seven years to digest what have you people got rocks in your head no you've got a little rock in your head

your head's the head full of rocks and chewing gum Tyler yeah why not won't kill me better than littering and pollution

I'm saving the planet I think I'm due a reward yeah if there's no bin why is she like that attitude why not why not Amy I'm a the planet. I think I'm due a reward. Yeah, if there's no bin, why is she like that attitude? Why not? Why not? Amy, I'm a busy woman with places to be.

I can't be bothered finding a bin and I refuse to litter because I'm a mouthpiece for the left. You are a mouthpiece for the left. I love that.

You're in good company with Vaughan. No litter, I'm also a mouthpiece for the left. Don't chew it, it fills you up with air and makes you farty,

says Lorraine. Yeah, it does. And the sweeteners spreading into your mouth. They make you poop. Oh my God. Splattery. Yeah. you up with air and makes you farty says Lorraine yeah it does and the sweeteners spreading into your mouth they make you poop oh my god splattery

yeah oh really they make you a little bit splattery same with the eclipse mints yeah they've got like the artificial

sweeteners that'll rip right through you if you've listened to season 2 of sex.life you'll know what an eclipse mint

will do to a lady on her way for a sensual massage grape flavoured is that what it's called yeah it was touch massage. Grape flavoured is what I recall. Grape, yeah. Yeah. It was touch and go.

Grow up. That's what I sell a little pole. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Very funny TikTok of a gentleman. His name is Alex. And he shared how he used to work in a grocery store. And if a customer was rude to him, as he packed the fruit into the bag, he would squeeze it.

And he said... Like give it a thumb. Yeah. I work at a grocery store. I would squeeze rude people's fruits as I packed it into their bags. They would go home and find it full of holes and bruise and have no way to prove it was me. Which is psychotic behaviour, but I love it.

But if they were rude... Occasionally you will get a piece of produce home and it wasn't the best one that you thought you'd scouted. You do think this is it. And you're like, who's taking back a piece of produce? Or you get a flowery apple. You're like, well, I just, I picked wrong. It's on me.

Couple of lines straight to the bin. I mean, I'd like to say no one's taking back a flowery apple, but I bet people do. Oh, people do. Absolutely people do. We were talking about this TikTok and then producer Jared, who also in a past life worked at a supermarket. Oh, people do. Absolutely people do. We were talking about this TikTok and then producer Jared, who also in a past life worked at a supermarket,

Was a checkout chick. admitted to doing this very thing. Checkout skucks, thank you very much. Sorry. Thank you, no worries. Sorry, cheeky babe. I'm not overly proud of it, but when a rude customer would come through,

maybe their bread would get a thumb in or a little squish. Or put it at the bottom of the bag guy and then put everything on top of the bread somebody messaged in there purposely pack their groceries terribly or pack their smellies with their mates which you shouldn't do no yeah i wouldn't do that one that one seems dangerous um but yeah some potatoes would go on some loaves of bread wow yes squash that bread squash that bread. Yeah, take that. What kind of rude things would you judge? Like, if someone was rude, you'd be like, well, that deserves a thumb in the crust.

Yeah, so, like, I'd be like, hey, how you going? Fine. No, nothing. Oh, nothing. So no acknowledgement of you. No acknowledgement. And that's enough for you to thumb their loaf. And also they're like the 700th customer of the day.

Yeah. 700 times getting ignored. You're like, bread gone. Who's not saying hello? So many people. Were they wearing headphones? No, no. Okay, just rude.

I had one guy, he paid. It was like 20 cents change and then he gave me another $5 and I was so confused because he wanted a round number of change back. I got confused and he got all shitty and I mean he got really grumpy and then yeah, I squashed a bunch of stuff.

I love this! And then they don't know and as you say, when you get home and your bread's squashed or your avocado's got a thumb through it, what are you doing? You've got three squashed grapes. No, I've just got squashed bread which never bounces back. No, and as you say, like, when you get home and your bread's squashed or your avocado's got a thumb through it, what are you doing? You're just like... Three squash grapes. No, just got squash bread, which never bounces back. No, never. It never bounces back. It's the freshest.

It's the freshest loaf. Was it a picture or a video of an old lady who's kneeling down in the... Have you seen that online? She's kneeling down to look at the bread, but she uses two loaves of bread as knee pads and then just leaves these squashed loaves of bread on the floor. They don't bounce back. To a certain degree, they'll gain a bit more height,

but it's ruined. That's how you get tortillas. That's how you get a lovely tortilla. If you're going to kneel on anything, kneel on a couple of wraps. Yeah, that's right. Producer Shannon, you worked in hospitality, restaurant hospitality. Yeah, so a lot of rude customers.

Quite often you get men complaining that their drinks weren't strong enough. And if it was someone nice, I'd probably chuck a little, you know. But it's measured. It's not like your shop. Yeah, but people would be like, can I have a Jack and Coke? And then they'd be like, there's no Jack in here. And so. Well, there's two standard shots.

Yeah, if someone was nice, I might... But if someone was really rude about it, I would just dip their straw in some alcohol and put it back in. I've seen that. I've seen that online where people put it in and block the top and then put it back in. So their first mouthful is pure booze. I'd also get lots of people just being rude and I'd pour their drinks really fizzy or

put lots of ice in it. So like not massive, just a little bit past that. I love this. I don't think I worked retail in a clothing store. I don't, it was a fancy store. So we had quite a lot of like hoiti-toiti customers, but I don't think I didn't do anything rude. I didn't like rip the seam or something. We got some horrible, real handsy customers was a big issue. And then, yeah, I'd just, they'd order like a fizzy drink and I'd give them probably like 30 mils worth and then half a cup of ice.

Wow. I love that. I love that. Do you know, people are already texting in. I love this. This is what we wanted to ask you this morning. 0800 DALZITM. Call us now.

You can text through 9696. What did you do when a customer was being rude or a bit of a D-bag? How did you get them back? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM's Some of this is actually a bit brutal. We want to know like how you got back when a customer or a client was rude to you.

Because there's a guy who used to work at a grocery store and he would thumb your fruit if you were being rude. Producer Jared did the same. And we want to know. Yeah, it really does pain to be nice. I mean, it's not hard to say hello to someone. I think it says a lot. It says a lot about someone if they're rude to, you know, staff, to workers. Getting your groceries back.

Although like no one's really packing their own. No one's, no supermarket's really got a packer anymore, do they? Sometimes. Every now and then. Every now and again. And I think it's more so that they can chat. Yeah. Hang out.

Because they feel lonely. Yeah, I think they're always gassing. Well, we want to know what you've done to get back at a customer. Lily, what did you do? Hi, guys. Good morning. Good morning. Long time listener. First time caller. Right in front of you, guys. Good morning. Good morning. Long time listener.

First time caller. Right in front of you, man. He has to be here. Yes, welcome. Happy to have you, Lillian. That was embarrassing for Vaughan because the bell was literally right next to his laptop. I couldn't see it because I already used it. He's a buffoon.

Our very own Joe Biden. I've got a wee story for you guys. Okay. So I used to work at a juice bar. Yeah. So I won't say what juice bar but it's the one

you're thinking of. Yeah. Got it. Loving the subtlety there, Lily. I love it. Yeah. So we used to have quite a few

questionable customers and when we'd have a bit of a rude one so they'd buy their smoothie, whatever, and we'd kind of nip backstage and give them quite a few extra booster shots,

like immunity and stuff, and that would ultimately give them the shit. Listen to the joy in which Lily said that. Ultimately. I love that. Once they were out of our jurisdiction, they had the shits. Wow.

Are you talking about those awful, like, grass shots? Yeah, they had a whole bunch of selection there. But I think, I can't remember the one we'd give. But, hey, I tell you, it was. I reckon it would have been ginger heavy. Yeah, it would go right through you. Right through you. So what would a customer have to do to have you tamper with their drink to get the shits?

How rude? Well, in this particular scenario I'm thinking of, we had a group of young lads try to come on to the young girls. I'm just trying to make juice. Being a bit rude, you know, being a bit too much. Okay, so you made them shit themselves. That's fair. That feels fair. So here to pay.

Yeah. Amazing, Lily. Thank you for calling. Don't mess with Lily. Let's go to Anonymous. You're a receptionist. Yes, I'm a medical receptionist. Yes.

Okay. And how did you get back to a rude customer? If they're really rude and they snap at us a lot, if they're not urgent, we push them out a couple of weeks more. A couple of weeks? Yes. I thought you meant like that where you just make them wait in the waiting room longer, but you're like, no, I don't even bother.

Do you know what? I think this is why I've got a friend, Anonymous, who's trying to book him for a specialist, and she's like moaning that it's six weeks away and then it's eight weeks away. Are you pointing at me? Well, when's your appointment, Hayley? Months away.

Maybe when you ring up reception, you should be nice. No, I'm never rude. Only to you. So you had the power to do this. You just made that decision and be like, the doctor can't see you. Yeah. I love that. God, it pays to be this. You just made that decision and be like, the doctor can't see you. Yeah.

I love that. God, it pays to be nice. It does pay to be nice because you're just doing your job and, you know, this is your job, answering the phone, booking people in. And you don't deserve to have someone go off at you, do you? Oh, yeah, I understand. You've got a sore knee, sir. Some of them can be really horrible, and especially if they're not urgent

and they're just being horrible because they're going on holiday or something. Oh, yeah. I'm going to Europe. Can you do it next week? Fix my hemorrhoids before I pop off overseas. Nah, bro. Love that. Anonymous, thank you.

Some messages in. I worked at a bar and we made a button on the till and we labelled it the A-hole fee button. And when you were doing drinks, if someone was being rude, clicking. A couple of bucks. Clicking. You'd hit the a-hole fee button and it charged them on top.

It was $2. Very satisfying way to make the company money. And they wouldn't know. Nah. I guess you're buying a round of drinks. No one's getting the receipts right. Nah. They're just taking it. If someone is super rude to me, I'll transfer their call.

I only have to leave them on hold for absolutely no reason. Yeah. Just because they were rude when I was on there. Yeah, I love that. Love that. That's power.

If someone is rude, I wouldn't give discounts even though I could and I would do that multiple times in the same day. Often to customers that were straight after them. Oh, yeah, right.

In the hope they might hear that they got a discount. I deliver roofing iron with a high ab. Oh yeah. With a crane on the back of the truck. Okay. If the roof is dick,

I'll tell them I can't get in the driveway unloaded on the side of the road so they have to walk every piece of iron in individually. Yes. Even better when they're expecting it to be craned up onto the roof road so they have to walk every piece of iron in individually. Yes. Even better when they're expecting it to be craned up onto the roof because then they have to walk it up the driveway

and then pass it up onto the roof. Oh my gosh. So don't be rude when you're ordering your roofing iron. I love this one, which is a very subtle way of getting back at rude customers. I worked,

a girl I worked with used to give bitchy customers full fat milk instead of trim. Yes. Yum. Be nice to your barista. Rewarding them though with delicious full cream milk. Delicious full cream, yeah.

If customers were rude to me, I'd pour a little concrete down their drains and then they'd have to pay me to come back and fix it because their drains weren't working. That's bad. Yeah. A little concrete in the drains. I used to work at a place that dealt in sandwiches. Okay. Boy, I wonder who it could be. If the customers were rude,

as I was wrapping their sandwich, I'd squeeze it. So when they opened it, the sauce had already squirted out into the thing and if they opened it on their lap, the sauce would fall on their lap. And that was their fault because they were very rude during the sandwich making process. We've heard from a DJ.

I used to DJ at a high-end bar. Policy was that we took requests from customers, but I had a really rude guy come at me one night demanding a song. He was a friend of the owner, most entitled prick I've ever met. Anyway, slept with his girlfriend the next weekend. That's a great way to handle your customers. I thought you were going to say he didn't play the song. Yeah, he just played Cotton Eye Joe all night long.

No need to punish everybody. I work in a pharmacy for customers rude. We make them wait longer for their prescription. Oh, yeah. And then they start saying, well, how come they got their prescription before me? I handed you the paper before. And then you just bumped them back again.

Okay. Let's not be rude. Here's one. I worked at a phone shop for years. You know. Could only be one of three places.

One Saturday morning, I was extremely hungover by the way, a man came in with his wife because his phone that he bought off me the week prior was lagging

and just becoming extremely slow. So I had a look and then his wife started popping off which gave him the confidence to pop off at me and was being really rude. So I just hit show all pages on his Google pages and turned the phone to both

and revealed the 10 plus pages of porn. She looked at him and stormed off. He asked for the phone back and told me to F off. Oh my God, that's amazing. Hey, I'm sorry, sir. Can you get your wife back?

I think this has something to do with it. 10 pages of pornography. Simple. I don't really believe a lot in like the idea of a soulmate or like the one, a soulmate or a destined one that you're supposed to be with. Right. You just reckon it's rubbish?

I think it's nothing but hard work, grit, and stubborn determination to make a relationship work. That's what I believe. Vaughan, do you believe it's meant to be? Nah, you've got to make it work. Yeah.

You've got to... It takes work. You've got to keep working at it. Well, there was a massive study that took 904 couples. Now, again, when we get these numbers, I can't help but feel... Just stop at 900. Yeah, stop at 900. Or 96 couples pulled out

and didn't have a nice round thousand. By the by, this is out of Switzerland at the University of Basel, and they got 904 couples between the ages of 18 to 81 and different varying lengths of

relationship from a few months to several decades. So big cross-section of relationships. And they wanted to look at whether or not people that had a deep belief in the idea of destiny and a soulmate meant to be and whether or not that actually resulted in a more successful relationship. And they found very much the opposite.

So they asked them a lot, big questionnaires, you know, like your kind of belief system of relationships, statements like a successful relationship is mostly a matter of finding the one. Right. How much do you agree? And then they asked them a bunch of questions about relationship satisfaction.

Now they did want to say, which is one of the saddest sentences I've ever read. They did want to say, look, we understand that in romantic relationships, relationship satisfaction generally does decrease over time. So always from the honeymoon period, the satisfaction in your relationship tends to decrease. But what they found is that those that had a deeper belief that they were destined to be with their partner, it decreased far faster. So that they had that initial spark of like,

oh my God, this is the destined one. This is the one. It feels so good. This must be right. I'm all in. But they're not managing expectations, are they? No, exactly. That's exactly it.

Was the fact that they believed so wholeheartedly that this was like destiny. And then when the reality of slogging through life in a relationship for a long time kicked in, the satisfaction had a greater and faster decline. Are they more likely to get out of the relationship or end it? Well, they only interviewed people that were still together. So it was all about satisfaction.

Right. Relationship satisfaction. But in all areas, like physical satisfaction, emotional satisfaction, how much their partner is serving them, very fast decrease on those that initially believed that they were with their soulmate. Right. Or that it was written in the stars. Too many rom-coms for these people.

I think so. Yeah, it's not a the stars. Too many rom-coms for these people. I think so. Yeah, it's not a Hollywood movie. That's the unrealistic expectation of relationships. It always looks all sparkly in the films, doesn't it? You shove a fat mortgage in there and, you know, double the size of your house with an extension, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It gets tougher yeah doesn't it

yeah you gotta work at it it's tougher 25 25 kgs of weight gain and you know it just gets tougher we can take this off here if you like

do you want to yeah we can take this sort of off sorry off here I'll pull back off here

next on the show I want to touch on a new video game that's being played yep we've lost you to this game haven't we I tell you what Next on the show, I want to touch on a new video game that's being played. Yep. We've lost you to this game, haven't we? I tell you what, the last couple of days I haven't been able to play. And I'm not liking this hobby that I've told you I'm treating work like a hobby from here on out.

Yeah. This hobby's taking up too much time and affecting my real work. The radio hobby. Yeah, this radio hobby's affecting my real work. That's supporting your entire family. Yeah, right. Yeah. Great hobby.

Something like that. Something like that. But Jared made it. Jared, a man with no children, you know, gets home and he's just a free agent to do whatever he wants. Agent of chaos. He made a mistake on the game yesterday. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There's a cool video game out, guys. Is there?

It's been out for ages, but it's finally made its way to PlayStation. Spyro. Spyro, yes. That's been out for ages. That's a cool game. Is it Worms? It's not Worms. I know you love Worms.

I love Worms. Crash Bandicoot? It's not Crash Bandicoot. Why do you say Bandicoot? You're really hitting the... You just say Bandicoot. Isn't it an I? It is, but you don't really Bandicoot.

I refer back to my original pronunciation of Crash Bandicoot. Bandicoot. Bandai Coot. Nah, it's Sea of Thieves. Sea of Thieves. And you play pirates. Bourne thought I would like this game. I thought you would because you've got to sail the ship. You can see like the wind direction and then you get like pirate maps

and then you've got to get out your compass. See the wind direction. And then you've got to like hoist the mainsail and then you've got to turn the sail to catch the wind and then you're on the high seas and away you go. It sounds very childish. It sounds like boring. The animation's nuts.

The animation's terrible. Boring America's Cup but older. Yeah. And cannons and like you pull up alongside people and you can harpoon their ship so they can't get away and then you can board their ship. It's got big Spyro vibes. In terms of its animation.

Yeah. I was imagining, because I've seen amazing graphics on the PlayStation. Yes. Because as you know, I introduced the PlayStation 5 into my household. I've never looked back. And some-

She rolled her eyes. I don't know if people heard it. I think they did. That was between us and the room. Right. The one thing I will appreciate about it is some of these graphics. Stunning. Oh, yeah.

Stunning graphics. It's like a pirate simulation. Kind of. Is every game like a simulation of whatever? Call of Duty was a World War II. You were building your farming sim. Farming sim. That was lots of fun.

Sea of Thieves is... Spiral on the Ocean. It's pirates. Yeah. You can play with a crew. So you can like crew out your ship. Oh my God. Do you play this game with Jared?

Producer Jared and our mate Johnny. And Callum's considering upgrading to a PlayStation 5. These are all the sorts of decisions. You don't run past your partner as you've just seen the rolling of the eyes there. So he can play Sea of Thieves too. And Johnny, Jared and I, we've got cool pirates. Yeah.

We've decked them out in some cool outfits. Are you hearing yourself? I'm just so turned on. We've been storming the seven seas in search of treasure and shenanigans. They're wondering why they're getting any action. I'm just so turned on. And we've been storming the seven seas in search of treasure and shenanigans. I'm wondering why they're getting any action. Oh, my God, I know. I know.

They're drowning in it. So when we're doing whatever, fathering and farming and... Whatever. You'd call parenting the whatever bit of your life. Jared will play and he'll let us know what he's up to. He's kind of like the captain of the pirates. And yesterday he started streaming so the boys could watch him play pirates. Anybody else could watch him play pirates.

People make a lot of money streaming, just playing, don't they? Yeah, not me though. I'm doing it for free and for the love of the game. If you want to follow Jared Ski on Twitch. Okay. So, yeah, I'm just streaming because I like the game and occasionally cool things happen and I want to be able to grab a clip of it to send to the lads.

Oh. Oh, my God, please include us. Oh, my God, you know I hate being left out of groups. Yeah, oh, my God. I've got heaps to catch you up on. He sailed over a wave. You know, you say this, but it was exhilarating. We chased another pirate ship the other day,

and he was making great speed. He was making great speed. And Jared was staring. I was up top. I don't know about your other friends, but Vaughn and Jared, you have two of the most attractive partners I've ever met. How?

This blows my mind. How partners I've ever met. What? How? This blows my mind. How? This blows my mind. I'm up in the eagle's nest. Is that what they call it? I'm up in the crow's nest. I'm up in the crow's nest. I'm like, I'm spotting the wind.

I'm Dean Barker, but a pirate. We're about to have a wind change. Johnny sails to east. And Johnny's like, in terms of sales, boom, we catch a fall. It's the America's Cup. People watch the America's Cup. And people are like, oh, look at them go. They're making millions of dollars in money.

We're making millions of dollars in pirate trillions. And gold coins. But then, Jared, so this is what Jared does. He live streams yesterday. For how many hours? I streamed for four hours yesterday. I had a couple people pop in and send messages saying, hey, man, cool dude playing the pirate game.

How many people said that? Like three. Yeah, I'm not doing it to be famous. There was no one. And, yeah, I wrapped up my four-hour stream the day before. I did three hours before that. I was talking to my fans, narrating what I was doing throughout the whole time.

I pressed play on the replay before I went to bed last night. Wait, so you have to get this straight. Before you went to bed, you thought, man, that was so cool. I'm going to watch myself die. Well, I... I'm going to watch myself. I don't think you quite grasp how thrilling it is I'm going to watch myself

To use your words, exhilarating four hours I'm going to watch it back Well, I watched it back thinking I was going to hear some great commentary from myself My bloody mic hadn't been plugged in for seven hours of streaming.

Because I watched a bit yesterday and I was like, where are you headed next? And the text thing, and he didn't answer. I was like, he's obviously busy. And then I was like, he hasn't talked at all.

I answered every single message that came through. People were like, give me a shout out. And I was like, g'day, blah, blah, blah. Shout out. Hope you're enjoying whatever whatever and not a single person heard me man it was all for naught yeah it was just all for somebody's message done my crew played safe thieves oh my god

oh my god and i fought a megalodon last night i ran from a megalodon yeah i went out at the level yeah the big sharks huge sharks you'll hear that You'll hear the shark music, and then you'll look around. You're like, not now, shark. And it attacks your boat. That's how big it is. Yeah, wow. That's so cool. Yeah, it's fun.

Pirates, when you're a kid, you go through dinosaurs. Yeah, when I was a kid. Yeah, dinosaurs and pirates. It's that. It's that. Except now you get to hoist the mainsail. You should have seen the other day when we had all our

treasure and we were coming into port. I should have. Except Jared's mic wasn't on so you wouldn't have heard anything. And we were coming streaming into port with all of our treasure and it was just like sails up, anchor down boom, we stopped right. We could just walk straight onto the thing and straight in. Straight on.

Straight on. Oh my god, that's crazy. It just walk straight onto the thing. Oh, my God. Straight on. Straight on. Oh, my God. That's crazy, man. It's good stuff. It's fun. It's fun. Do you know what I did last night? I drank a bottle of wine and then I had sex.

Oh, yeah. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Eileen. The 2024 Quatre Nils Ancient Greek Sporting and Athletics Competition. The Olympics. Now, the opening ceremony will be New Zealand time, 5.30 a.m. Saturday. So, Friday, it's kind of kicking off. Love getting up early for something. But no, it'll be fun.

In Paris. I know, I'm going out on Friday night, but I'll be up. Already, quite a few events have been happening. New Zealand the Olliwhites, they won the football this morning. The Sevens All Blacks, the Sevens team won. Won this morning. We're off to a roaring start. Per capita. Per capita. We love

that. A per capita during the Olympics. Tomorrow we're going to catch up with James McHoney who's in Paris for the Olympics. Yeah, exciting. Our man on the ground. Really? I love the Olympics a lot. I'm very much looking forward to the athletics.

I love athletics. Because of the running. The running. The up-close running. Up-close running. Yeah. You just like the lycra. Is that it?

Love the lycra. I love the gymnastics. Yep. Also, just like physically watching people do things I can't do is just a joy. I love it. That's why it's the pole vault. The pole vault. The diving.

The high jump. All the flipping. And then running really fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. So a couple of little things that have caught my attention. One, huge announcement. Celine Dion is going to be performing at the opening

ceremony. Now she has, what's the syndrome she has? Stiff person syndrome. Yeah. And there's a documentary, I haven't watched the documentary, but apparently it's horrible. Horrendous. I didn't realise, I thought it was like slowly, you know, her body is becoming stiffer and stiffer, but she's having like seizures, spasms, like she can't move. It's awful. But she was like, I will be making a massive comeback from this. And only the way that Celine Dion could. And then it was announced yesterday that she is going to be performing. Because she's French Canadian.

She's Canadian, but of course French. She's French Canadian. French Canadian. So maybe she'll be singing in French. I don't know. I can't. That is me fizzing. French-Canadian. So maybe she'll be singing in French. I don't know. I can't. That is me fizzing. She is a legend.

So that's the opening ceremony. A lot of details of the opening ceremony will be kept secret. Yeah. We like a surprise. We love a surprise. Remember when the London Olympics with the Queen and James Bond? And the Spice Girls? Yeah.

That was great. That was rad. That was really well done. That was so good. That was a rad opening ceremony. They nailed that. The Spice Girls, five cars drove in. And then Rowan Atkinson was there.

Oh, my God. It was perfect. Yeah, it was brilliant. It was perfect. It was so good. So, also, we talked a little bit earlier this week about how often these athletes are shagging in the Olympic Village. Yes.

So, apparently, Grindr, which is a gay dating app of sorts. Dating? Just a gay-ass app. Just an app. Yeah, just a gay app. Is blocked in the Paris Olympic Village. Not only that, so the Paris 2024 Organising Committee told the Daily Mail that dating apps are accessible

within the Olympic Village, but for some, geolocation has been deactivated by the different apps. So if you're in the village, you'll see people, but if you're on Tinder, Grindr, whatever app, you may not be able to passport or change your location to be in the village. Oh.

Because I didn't know this, but apparently at the Rio Games, there were some athletes that were outed. Oh. Because people had taken screenshots on their Grindr I didn't know this, but apparently at the Rio Games, there were some athletes that were outed. Oh. Because people had taken screenshots on their grinder and they'd gone into the Olympic Village. Oh, outed as in their sexuality? Yeah.

And they were like, oh my God, look at this hot guy that's at the Olympics. And he's like, I actually am not even allowed to be gay in my country. Oh. So that's why they've done it. Not because they- To sort of protect them a bit. Yeah. Not because they just want people to stop perving at the athletes.

I mean, get down. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Get in there. Wow. Okay, that's an interesting angle on that because I thought it was like the officials being like, focus on the sports.

Oh, yeah, you're right. You know what I mean? Oh, interesting. Once your sport's up, I guess you've got a couple of days to kill. Absolutely. What better way to spend the time in Paris? When Olympians have talked about when their events are done, they come home. I'm like, surely, yeah.

You would hang around. Hang around for a bit. Yeah, God, you're in Paris. Surrounded by great physical athletes. And baguettes. And baguettes. Yes. And wine.

And croissants. And croissants. And snails. Oh, yeah, and frogs and stuff. It's time for the impossible phone-in topic. We haven't done this for a while. And I tell you what, we are jumping in the deep end here because we want to see if there is anybody listening now

who's had an ex that's got together with a celebrity. No. Because when you break up with someone and it doesn't, like, it's not a good breakup, it's certainly reassuring. It makes you feel a lot better if they are next with a minger. Yeah. Oh, you always want to see your ex with a minger.

If they get with someone hotter than you, you're like, God damn it. You can't leave me or I leave you and upgrade. Yeah, you've got to downgrade. You can't do that. You need to be knowing that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you for the rest of your life. But you break up with someone and you're all heartbroken and they move on with a celebrity. Oh, God damn it. I know.

So there is a chicky babe. Her name's Reagan and her ex, so she shows a photo of her with her ex saying 2023 me. Yep. And then it jumps to 2024 me going, didn't see that coming. And it's her ex canoodling with Madonna. Like Madonna, Like Madonna. The famous.

How old is this guy that's moved on with Madonna? 20-something. Where we spoke about. Madonna. Like what she's done with her face. It's 65. She's with someone in their 20s. Yeah, I think he's like late 20s or something.

I can't even remember his name. I wouldn't worry about it, love. It's not going to last long. No. I wouldn't worry. So, yeah. It's not going to last long. No. I wouldn't worry. So, yeah, imagine you split up with someone and then you see them in the paparazzi. Yeah, like they're all over the news,

all over TikTok, all over Instagram. All over Madonna. Yeah. All over Madonna. It would just be weird. Yeah. So it's very funny. And then she shows all these photos of her with him.

And then her just being like, that's him with Madonna now. Which is hilarious. So that's what we wanted to know. Have you had an ex that hooked up with someone famous? And you're like, God damn it. After you. I mean, we've had a lot of celebs here filming movies and stuff. Yeah.

So, you know, you never know. Might have lost an ex and then they end up with one of the Lord of the Rings cast. How long do they have to have been with the... Could it just have been a fleeting love affair post-relationship? Yeah, we'll take it. We'll take it. Any sort of... Any kind of fleeting love affair. Any kind of hook-up. Yeah, you don't have

to be, you know, Madonna's next new toy boy. But I just... I would find it so confronting to see my ex with a Victoria's Secret model or like an actor or something.

Especially because I've already been with an actor. Didn't you go to school with a Victoria's Secret model? Yes, but she wasn't famous when I was there and I don't believe

any of my exes hooked up with her. Right. Well, not that you know. Not that I know of. Yeah. And if they did, honestly, congrats.

Congratulations to everybody. Bravo. Yeah. Bravo. Okay, 0800-DARLS-AT-M. We want to take your calls now. You can text through 9696. Did your ex move on with a celeb?

Give us a call. It's the Impossible Phone-In Topic. We'll find out if it's impossible next. Yeah. The Impossible phone-in topic. Did your ex move on with a celebrity? Because a

girl's ex has been spotted canoodling with Madonna. The Madonna. And she was like, did not see that coming. Especially because he's like 28. But whatever. We're not here to judge that. We want to know if something like this has happened see that coming. No. Especially because he's like 28, but whatever. We're not here to judge that. We want to know if something like this has happened to you.

Not impossible. Not impossible. We've already had some text messages on it. My husband's ex moved to Australia, became a model, and dated a very high-profile NRL player. That's a rugby league player. Oh, okay. Wait, so your husband's ex is a model.

Became a model. Do you know what I mean? How often would you bring that up? I reckon never. Never? The fact that your ex is a model? As a woman, if my partner's ex was a model, I'd feel a little

bit ugly. Would you be constantly just be like, am I still hot? Yeah, I'm not like magazine hot, but I'm like real life hot, eh? Yeah. I'm not like on a runway, but I'm more like street hot. Street hot? I'm not a runway hot, I'm street hot. Well, it's the version of like book smart versus street smart. That's right.

You're street hot. I'm thigh hot. And a it's the version of like book smart versus street smart. That's right. You're street hot. I'm thigh hot. And a freak in the sheets. You're hot to me. Yeah, hot to me is terrible. You're hot to me. Oh, that. No, you're my version of hot.

You're bubbly. We'll be on a runway when we fly to Nelson. Yeah, and she was, her personality had nothing on yours. No. You're hot to me. Bubbly. And bubbly. You're so, I look at you and think you're the most beautiful woman to me.

And boy, oh boy, that bubbly personality of yours. Someone else messaged in, I left my wife and found a new girl. And then my wife, my ex-wife, started dating a New Zealand television actor. I'm always hearing from people, oh how he doesn't treat her so well, but they're still together today, and I'm still happy as with the new girl. Okay. I wonder if he's still calling her the new girl.

He said new girl there. It makes it really sound like, hey, new girl. Hey, new girl. I'm home. Yeah. After a long-term five-year relationship, we called it quits. One week later, she's posting pictures on Facebook

with a certain radio DJ. Wow. Who could it be? There's just not that many. There's just not that many of us. All of us. Who could it be now?

Great song. Great song. My partner ended up with a very well-known Olympic gold medalist after me. Oh. Oh, he's got an Olympic medal and you don't. A girl I know dumped my friend and went out with George Clooney's stunt double in Dubai when they were filming Syriana, that movie. When I saw George Clooney, I was like, excuse me?

Does that count? Yeah, that counts. He looks enough like George Clooney that he's a stunt double. He's like a Teemu George Clooney I was like Excuse me Does that count Stunt double He looks enough like George Clooney That he's a stunt double He's like a Teemu George Clooney Yeah A four year relationship ended Because my ex cheated on me

With an international MTV presenter They're not famous here But very famous in their country And very hot But let's be honest Probably very high maintenance too You tell yourself that Yeah

Yeah My ex dated Malakai Fikatoa after me. Oh, a rugby player. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Doesn't say whether or not that was sort of like a, you know, this person messaging in could be also a rugby player. Could be a similar

stat block. We all know it's about the stat block. Is it? It's all about the stat block. I kissed Sophie Alice Bexter's husband before she was with him at university, so does that count?

No. Well, she's had a resurgence. It's murder on the dance floor. I dated an up-and-coming New Zealand musician about eight years ago. He moved to LA and was linked to various celebrities, including Chloe Moritz. Ooh.

Very sad for me. If my husband ever leaves me, I'll happily settle for Nicholas Galitzine from The Idea of You. Oh yeah, the young guy. Oh my god, have you seen this movie? It is absolute cringe. Shit.

Oh, it's dog. It's a dog turd. I can't believe Anne Hathaway Oscar winner Anne Hathaway did this know. Oscar nominated. Oscar winner. Oscar winner Anne Hathaway did this movie. Yeah, right. It's based on a book, like a romance book that all the girls were reading. It's not hot enough for me to read, but.

It's not. Nah, it's not. It's more about like the. This is a problem now. Your new baseline is. Twisted. Is way up there. I've lost perspective.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Twister Twister's way up there I've lost perspective Fact of the day Day Day Day Day No No thanks Wow Brian May Sports teams that have had to change their name

This is things that have changed their names Okay Not targeting the Crusaders Not suggesting that it would be time to change it We did enough. Hey, we've done enough. Surprising. Not surprisingly, I should say.

It's mostly American sports teams. Yeah. Racist? Mostly racist? Just more in the lines of cultural appropriation. Yeah. A lot of the time. Like it's not, I mean, most famously, the Washington Redskins. Yeah.

That's an offensive term. Yeah. That's an offensive term. A racially derogatory term. But you know what blew my mind? How many European sports teams have Native American names? Because we've got the Chiefs, okay?

The Waikato Chiefs, but also that's Māori Chiefs. Yeah, the Waikato Chiefs, but also that's Māori Chiefs. Kia ora. Yeah, but like European football teams and baseball teams, they didn't have Chiefs, did they? No. No, they certainly didn't have Chiefs adorned with feather-based headwear. Yeah, right.

Which is their emblems. As a woman who has definitely not deleted a photo of herself from her Instagram wearing a Native American headdress, I'm appalled. You look so good in that photo too. It must have hurt. So cool. Like it really was a vibe.

Where are we talking? It still blows my mind every Coachella there'll be a quite high profile model that'll rock a full inappropriate Full headdress. Yeah, even though we I did have a photo of me in a Native American headdress. Yeah, even though we... I did have a photo of me in a Native American headdress on my Instagram from 2011. Wow.

Okay, borderline, borderline. I know, almost too late. Deleted that, but you've left the blackface photo up. Interesting. I know, because my body was popping. That's when I was really into my gymming. And so despite what's happening up top, which I agree was ghastly.

Going blackface to ride an elephant I see she's doing both at once. Question mark. She was blackface patting a drugged out tiger as well. On the back of an elephant. He wasn't drugged out. He was just very sweet. He was a sweet little boy. He was just a nice kind boy with a nice connection. Right, here are some sports teams that have changed their names.

You know the LA Clippers? I thought it was Tonell Clippers. No, no. I actually learnt this too. It's named after the boats because the Clippers are Mm-hmm. You might be thinking, how is that offensive? I thought it was toenail clippers. No, no. I actually learned this too. It's named after the boats because the Clippers are from San Diego. They were in San Diego when they changed the name to the Clippers, and it's like a name for a little boat. Oh.

But before that, they were the San Diego Braves. When they moved from Buffalo, they were the Buffalo Braves, and all of their, Buffalo, New York, all of their insignia was very heavily Native American. All right. The Golden State Warriors were originally the Philadelphia Warriors, then the San Francisco Warriors. They dropped the Native American imagery when they became the Golden State Warriors.

And, of course, now it's the bridge. The bridge, yeah. It's the bridge of the Golden State Warriors. The Cleveland Indians played in the Major League Baseball for a very long time. They dropped the name in December 2020. They will be called the Cleveland Guardians from there on out. And I believe they were the last game that the squad played as the Indians was a good one. They defeated the Texas Rangers

6-0, so they think they saw the name off with a good win over the Rangers I'm not sure of course the Washington Redskins is the most famous example because they kind of fought it so much nah we don't really want to change it but everyone knows us as that

yeah that's our name that's what we've got but that's pretty the most high profile one so all the examples of sports teams that had to change their names because of cultural inappropriation or just blatant racism in the form of the Washington Rinskins have changed their names and they've all been Americans. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Vaughan are on the same team for seven days tonight. Yeah, so this is going to be on three tonight. What time? 7.30. I have never done seven days with Vaughan because the last time, Vaughan, you were on seven days

was before I even started doing the show. You had a MediaWorks blacklist, didn't you? I made a blacklist. Yeah, when we left the last radio station, we worked for the TV network and the radio station were owned by the same company. And they said, well, if he's leaving this company, he doesn't get to be on seven days.

Wow. And I was like, oh okay. Then you got your own TV show over at a different network. That was cancelled though, wasn't it? Have you been paying attention? Yep. We like to say indefinite hiatus in the industry. We call it a long

sleep. A hibernation of thought. That's like saying your cat's been put down to sleep, but it'll wake up one day. One day we shall meet again. No, have you been paying attention to the farm? Okay. We'll go and see it one day in the summer.

Yeah, okay. When you're older. When you're older. We'll go and pay a visit. It's quite a long drive. Anyway, so we filmed last... Some sort of party happening outside. We filmed last night and it was a lot of fun.

A really great team. And I did want to raise something, though, that was brought up. Because on team one tonight, I'm the captain, El Capitano, and Vaughan is on my team and so is Abby Howells. Now, Abby Howells, who is also part of Taskmaster... Oh, she's so funny. I just got such a panic that that hadn't been announced, but it has.

You've broken your NDA. Oh my god, I'm free of all that. Anyway, we're all there and people always comment on how young Abby Howes looks and a lot of the time people will be like, oh, you know, trying to make a joke about how young Abby is. She's one of those, if she was an actress

in a high school girl, like absolutely could be playing high school. 100%. But how old is she? She's like five months younger than me. She's the same age as her. We're both 34. Isn't that amazing?

Wow. See, now this is where you need to adjust your tone, Bourne. Because this is the tone I had last night. Where he was saying, what? Hayley's like, I'm older than you. And Abby's like, no, we're the same age. And I was like, you can't be. That's what I said.

You can't be. He was like, oh, yes. What? And you said, but Abby looks so. And I said, I'll stop you there. So what compared to me? I held up a fresh grape. And I said, this is Abby Howes.

And then I held up a dry cracker. And I said, this is Hayley Sproul. And I said, this is Abby Howes. And then I held up a dry cracker and I said, this is Hayley Sproul. And then I was like, oh my gosh, how dare you. This is while I was getting my makeup done and I could feel Shari maybe getting a bit more heavy handed with it. Just being like, oh,

I'll sort this out. Anyway, and then Abby, just being polite goes, well, how old are you, Vaughn? And then Vaughn pulled. How old do you think I am? Oh, okay. And she said, our age, I assume. She said, 33.

Yeah, she actually made me younger. Wow. Yeah. So just for reference, listener, Vaughn's 42. Vaughn's just said that I look significantly older than a woman than I am the same age as. And then that woman has now said that Vaughn Ellen Smith, who's 42, looks younger than me.

Yeah, it was a great moment. I was like, hang on, hang on. But you suggested that Vaughn Smith is 33. You were saying that I look older than Vaughn. And then she just thought I'd had my kids young. She's like, I just assumed you'd had your kids young. I was like, no, I was 30 and then 32. The earliest of the 20s.

This is great. This is great news. Now, as you know, I let my Botox wear off. She lapsed in her talks. So that the face was free to roam. Yep. Apparently it's roped in the wrong direction. And I look significantly older than my 42-year-old friend

and significantly older than a woman who is exactly the same age as me. Right, so back to the Botox. Oh, you mean the show's back tonight. Yeah, the show's back tonight. Vaughn's back tonight, and yeah, back on the injectables. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. We didn't get jet lag. Jet lag. We didn't get jet lag. Jet lag.

We didn't get jet lag. Nah, didn't get it. I don't, I've never really suffered from it. I've always had a great ability to just push through without sleep. Although when I was speaking to my mum when I arrived back, she said, well, it gets harder as you get older. So whatever. Whatever, mum, shut up.

I think everything just gets harder as you get older, right? Yeah, it does. Breathing, stairs. Other than your willies. Yeah, not the willie. There is a hack online and this is for jet lag. This is from a flight attendant, Madison, of course.

Her name is Madison. Oh, Madison. I reckon she gets loose when she gets in the destination country. Top tips for meeting jet lag, according to Madison. Number one, sunglasses. One of the top tips from Madison revolves around wearing sunglasses during one particular

part of the journey. If your destination is ahead of your body's time zone, wearing sunglasses upon arrival can be a clever hack to block out

excessive daylight exposure. Okay. Flight crews always suggest wearing sunglasses during your journey from the airport to your accommodation to help your body

adjust to local time and ease into a more relaxed state without straining your eyes. Okay. So she's not saying without straining your eyes. Okay. So she's not saying wear them on the plane. No. Because that's why I was like,

no one's wearing sunglasses on the plane. I do sometimes. I'll wear it on a short haul, leave me alone, I'm tired, sunglasses, I'm going to sleep, headphones. Are you talking like an Air New Zealand? Yeah, yeah, like one hour flight. Auckland, Christchurch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make up for the big night. Because they won't

let you shut the blinds. They don't let you shut the blinds. On takeoff and landing. America, you can leave the blinds shut, takeoff and landing. They got one thing. Surely that's an extreme hazard. They got one thing, right. I still don't understand it. People, when I was on these flights, people were like, the flight attendants were waking

up people to be like, can you put that up? Oh, right, yeah. And you're like, is it really that necessary? Well, sometimes on the planes now they control, you can't even open your blinds because they're all the buttons. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On the dream liners and everything. Yeah, they tint them for you and they just like go to sleep.

Down tint. Yeah. Another one Madison said is phone settings regarding the lights Primary cause of jet lag is the disruption to the natural sleep-wake cycle So to counteract that, automatically switch off blue light on your phone because it's similar to natural daylight and will trick your eyes into

staying awake. Sade? Are you listening? Yeah, that's everybody You can't sleep when you get into bed, is it because you're watching two hours of reels on our brightness where even my eyes are shut and is it? Because you're watching two hours of reels on our brightness, wherever my eyes are shut and I can see that you're watching. Oh, yeah.

No, you can't. You've got to put the phone down before bed. You have to. An hour before bed. You have to. An hour or two. An hour before bed. I don't, but you have to. Do you know what I mean?

You must. Yeah. I don't. But you must. You just have to. Trust me. Brushing teeth. What?

Madison said, common tip amongst the flight crew, brush your teeth during the flight. As bizarre as it sounds, the mint in the toothpaste provides an invigorating sensation that gives you a quick burst of energy and temporarily fights off fatigue. A little wake up. Yeah. Yeah, I do that.

When you're feeling absolutely dog, a good brush of the teeth, you're like, I do feel fresher. It's an essential part of the morning routine, and I reckon it is because of the mintiness. Zingles. But then just before bed, are you? Like, I do feel fresher. It's an essential part of the morning routine, and I reckon it is because of the mintiness. Zingles. But then just before bed, sometimes you're like, I don't feel like brushing my teeth, because you know the minty's going to get in there a little.

Yeah. But you've got to brush your teeth for your hygiene. At least once or twice a week. For your dental hygiene. What? How many times? I suggest you said week. Don't they suggest once or twice a week?

Day, I think. Day. Day, I think. Day. Day, yeah. Do you remember during lockdowns and people weren't brushing their teeth for a week? All that research that people did, everyone just got so out of kilter, like not leaving the house,

and they'd just get to the end of the day and be like, I didn't brush my teeth. It blows my mind that some people are apparently only doing that for other people. I brush my teeth for myself because if I think my breath smells, I'll constantly be like... Well, you can just feel a little bit of fur on your teeth.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't brush my teeth now. Deodorant is the same thing. Yeah. If I'm sitting at home and I'm like, oh, poor. Yeah. I'm not like, oh, well, no one's around to smell it. You must be gross if you're grossing yourself out.

Yeah. Yeah, rank A. Who, me? Or just people in general Oh yeah The royal you Yeah You said five

And you've given us four I wasn't counting I never said five I never said five tips I said top tips He said top tips I would never promise Are you sure you said the top five?

No I said top tips Just give us another one To shut her up Give us the fifth one How many have I given? Four I thought there's only three If you give her one more

Sunglasses Phone Well then give me one more. Sunglasses, phone. Well then give me two more. You've actually just made double the amount of work. For jet lag. Yeah. I think it's important once you get home, have a couple of drinks. I think that's not great. Relax into your things. No, I think that's not good. And it's also

important to compare every aspect of your life when you get home, your everyday working life to how dumb it and sucks it is compared to how rad it was on holiday. Are these in this article? Yeah, it helps you get over jet lag. Does it?

Yeah, it helps. Is that what Madison said? Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the article. Yeah, that's Madison. Well, good, I asked for five and I got five. That's your top five. Oh.

Who did you tell me you were? Yeah, that was my tum-tums. That was my tum-tum-tums. Hey, guys, I reckon that was the most fun Oh I just heard your tummy hurt Yeah that was my tum tums That was my tum tum tums Hey guys I reckon That was the most fun I've ever had on a show Not for me Vaughan

Oh no Nowhere even close Nowhere even close Nowhere even close You haven't been here long Have you No I haven't No

Well if you were listening And you had fun Why don't you give us A little review and a rating ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley