ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 25th May 2026

Episode Date: May 24, 2026

00.00: Intro 02.50: Sports reporter was hijacked while live 05.50: Model study 10.15: Splitting up anniversary trend 13.05: Top 6 - Things to look forward to 16.15: Spotify reverse 19.25: Shannon's unpredictable history 25.05: When did a first date turn into a multi day occasion? 34.25: Someone forgot Hayley 38.55: When did someone not show up? 47.35: Fact of the day 54.55: Hayley has another hobby 1.01.20: Wedding gatecrasher 1.03.50: What did you do to get out of a ticket? 1.11.00: List of songs for during sex 1.14.30: SLP - Do you like kiss cams? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

from the ZM podcast network. This is Fleshwood and Haley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse. The biggest brands at the lowest prices. Download our free I-Hart app and make ZM your number one preset. ZM's Fletchhorn and Haley. Thank you, Bryn.

Good morning. Fletchbourne and Haley were a week away. This was a surprise to Haley from a long weekend because this time next Monday it's King's birthday. Oh, and long live the King. Long live out of long weekends. You're just going to keep having those. God, we can do with it.

Yeah, we can. Good timing. Good timing, actually. Good timing. Well, lovely. So it's a full week this week, short week next week. Yes. So I've still got to work five days before then.

Yeah, unfortunately, yes. You do, yes. It dampens it somewhat. It does, yeah. But today, deal or reveal the Olivia Dean edition, all the briefcasses have been restocked. One was opened. Number seven with Brian Clinton on Friday afternoon.

$300 inside that briefcase. Did they go with the deal or the reveal? I don't know. Well, inside one of these suitcases, not only loads of cash, but also a double pass, and if you need them, flights and accommodation to Auckland to see Olivia Dean. And that has sold out, so that to some people is going to be worth, what, like a thousand bucks?

Yeah, God, yeah. So you've got to bear that in mind if you're negotiating, you're dealing with Bank of Brin, who'll be in at 8 o'clock this morning. chance to play again the deal or reveal. The top six born Smith? It sure is. Coming up. Later on. Yes. A problem to be dealt with in the coming hour. He hasn't decided. Nah. I come up with a great one. You did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because yesterday was the last day of the New Zealand International Comedy Festival. Here it is. Here it comes. Here it comes. And I thought it was going to be the top six things you'll see in the upcoming Misery Festival. Right. Are you going to tell everyone what happened? And I'm people's choice. I just won an award last night. It's fine. I don't know. I wasn't going to bring it up. Well, people's choice are the ones that matter, you know, because normally... People's choice and most sold ticket. It's the same thing.

Oh, right. The people chose me to spend their money on. With their money. Yeah. Gotcha. I'm glad I didn't go to the after. I said no to a party last night. So proud of you.

Do you know why? Because I had work in the morning. So proud. So growing up. Who are you? I'm kind of glad, though, because everyone would have been like, well, you buy us a drink. You sold the most tickets?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. All that money would have been gone. Yeah. Okay, well, top six coming up. Next on the show, something happened during a live TV cross. And it wasn't like...

Worst nightmare. They weren't set out in horrific weather, even though we totally could have just shown footage of the weather. We didn't need a reporter standing in the middle of it. I love when they do that. Yeah, yeah, get out there. I feel sorry for them. The ZDN Podcast Network.

A Mexican sports reporter and spokesperson for Mexico's professional basketball league was doing a live cross to a... a television show. Okay. A sports TV show. Which has got a funny name. It's called like blah, blah, blah. Wow.

Okay, so it's a different language, so it's funny, is it? No, no, it's literally called blah, blah, blah, blah. Like it's saying, it would be like the equivalent of us having a show called blah, blah, blah, blah, basketball. I love it. Or blah, blah, blah, rugby. Basketball, blah, blah, blah. Where they just blah on about basketball in Mexico. So he's doing a live cross from his car.

Okay. You know, every now and then you'll see someone doing a thing from their car. In a hurry, on the run. Pre the pandemic, a television would never cross to someone on a FaceTime sitting in their car. No. But now it's completely acceptable to be anywhere. Well, could we all just fell apart after COVID? And now it's just like, it's fine.

It's fine. We're used to it. Yeah, you see people in their crappy offices. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Their homes with their cats and stuff. We're like, whatever. Forget about not being able to speak Mexican. Okay.

Your hair is sound. See if you can guess what happened during his TV live cross to blah blah blah basketball. He's a phenomenon. He's comment about the 11th annios. Was that a chat-ch-ch-ch? Yep. Listen again. That's a gun.

He's carjacked. He's sitting in his car. He's not moving. He's sat still. Speaking to his phone. Yeah. Speaking to his phone. phone and that is the door being

opened and a shotgun being pumped and held in his face they take his car, his phone his wallet. Do they keep live streaming though and talking about basketball? The hijackers? Get the hijackers hot take on how they're in the basketball? What are we doing? Yeah, okay yeah. Did they get their faces?

Yep. There's a... It's only one guy his face and they've shared it saying if you guys know this guy and whereabouts it happened. What's timing for this guy? He just thinks they're on a face time with a friend, but they're literally being broadcast live. To the whole of Mexico. He wasn't injured or anything.

Oh, thank God. Yeah. Wow. Worst timing. Was it a nice car? Um. It was fine. Eh, just looks fine. No, well, you can't really see. It doesn't look like super flash or anything, though.

Right. Just feel like, if I'm going to... That sound. Oh, yeah, that sounds. But he kept, to his credit, he keeps talking about basketball. while the guy's spawning the gun on the semester. Yeah, yeah, as he gets on the car. And then kind of apologises.

He's a professional. And the guy that's doing the actual show is just like, I don't really know what's, what do I do? What can I do? He puts his hand in his pocket and then they get on with the show.

Yeah. But he's okay, yeah, he wasn't injured or anything. Mexico, eh? Mexico. The Flet's morning, Haley, big pod. The findings of this study probably won't shock you. Very interesting study. to analyse, I think that's how you say it,

the spelling of it's confusing, analysed 800,000 fashion images that came out, you know, from magazines and selling and all that kind of stuff, advertising, that came out between 2000, I'd say the pits of advertising, to 2024. Was 2000 heroin chic?

Heroin chic, thin, thin, and literally designers said that the idea of having super thin models was that the closest thing to a coat hanger. Jeez. Was that agree? Was that, was that, Sarah, who said that? It might have been Carl Lagerfeld or someone like that.

Right. It was absurd. So they, then they, so they've analyzed like kind of from the height of thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, advertising to 2024, analyzing 800,000. So we've got a good spread here. And it said, and it found that obviously diversity has grown in the last 24 years, represented. More on the extent. The middle is still not super represented. A body like mine would not

be a model. You've got your plus size but way more diversity. Non-white models between 20 and 2000 and 24 went from 13% to 40% my friend. Yes. I'm still going to get that up. But they're the best looking ones of us

all. You know what I mean? I showed you some the other day. You did. Yeah, you agreed. I wept a little bit. You wet. I wet. You were brought to tea. I was brought to tears. Why these beauties. And then plus-sized models, like more represented,

so it's not just your size double-zero models in advertising. However, this has not translated to the actual models doing like fashion runways. Right, so there's more hot brown models. Hot brown models and maybe some hot curvy models and some Asian models and some whatnot. They're all still skinny. They're all skinny.

and even the plus-size models, so Ashley Graham would be maybe the most famous plus-size model that is working, or even the plus, I'm just two quotes, so you can hear they've got quotes, plus-size models, are thinner than the average-sized American woman. Yeah.

So they're there to represent your curvy gals and they're smaller than the majority. There's nothing worse in buying something online and then you get it back, that doesn't look anything like it did on the website. So high prestige brands, think your high-end brands, they are the most likely to use the thinnest models. Yeah.

And the most white, basically. Right. So there's still, even though we as people are sizing up and that the average body in most countries is bigger. So not bigger, but is not a rake thin model. the models are still thin. Do you think with all the weight loss jabs it's going to how it was in this 2000s?

Yeah, I guess so. I don't know how they'd get their hands on it, but I'm sure it's not hard. Oh, I know. It's terrible. I mean, you see, like, because every now and then you'll go to a shop and you'll see they've got like a different size body

mannequin or something. Still little. It's still real small. This is like, I saw a amazing comedy fair show on Friday night by Harriet Moore, She's a Danesan comedian. Like, I just didn't know what I was expecting. What was it called?

It was called Just Eat the Dam sausage. And I came out thinking I was going to see this funny show, which it was, by the way, very, very funny. But she came out, she's naked. She's in an apron, but she's completely naked. Oh, wow. And the show was about her leaving a relationship that was not serving her. That was, I'd say, very toxic. And how it kind of helped her find her voice and realize that the,

world, in particular the patriarchy, trying to keep her small and keep her silent. And I cried. I cried so much. I cried so much. It was all about how much time women waste on thinking about being smaller. And you're like, well, we really put on this earth

to just think about being smaller. So just to button off this model, study, eat the damn sausage. The ZDEM Podcast Network. I love this idea. Okay, say you are with someone and you've crossed the, let's go two year mark.

Okay. And every year you celebrate your anniversary on whatever date you choose, whether your wedding anniversary or your first date anniversary, your bang anniversary or whatever. Instead of on each anniversary, you both celebrating each other and both getting each other a gift and making it both about you, you split it up,

kind of like I had to do with my brother and our birthdays because he's the 7th of October, I'm the 8th of October. Each alternate year, one of us got to choose where we went for dinner and then one of us got to have a birthday party. And then it switched like that. So let's say Fletch, you and I have been together for seven years. We've jumped over the seven-year itch and we've made it through. Congratulations to us.

Thank you. It hasn't been easy. No. She's quite a lot. I'm a lot and there's a lot. He's not sexually interested in me, but that's, we get along so well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just friends.

No, but financially being together works. Yeah. So we would say like this year's your year and next year's my year. So this year being your year, I would buy you a present. I would celebrate you almost like a birthday. You're the organiser. I'm the organiser. I'm choosing dinner.

I'm paying for dinner and I get you a gift. And we can celebrate us, but I'm not getting a gift. Wait, this sounds like a trap. This is what they do, right? No, no, no, no. And then she's got me a gift. I'm getting her one next year, but she still says you didn't get me anything. And I sit there at dinner like, hmm.

Hmm. Just a small gesture would have been nice And then the next year will be this different So then you would organise our date And you would buy me a gift and shower me with love I think it's great But I would have to get you a gift each time No

No well I mean maybe you could do it where like Year on year off One of you gets a big gift And one of you gets a small gesture Like a $50 I feel like you're going to compare There's a $50 little next year's gift Or dinner to this year's dinner and gift

Oh it's a competition for sure Oh, that's not healthy. Because then I would, yeah, I come out and be like, I literally took you to, like, one of the best restaurants in New Zealand and I got you a watch and I massage, and you took me to, no offence, but like, Denny's. You love the skillets.

I love the skillets. We go to Denny's every, like, month. It didn't feel that special. And you got me like a neck scarf that I'm pretty sure I've seen your mum wear before. So I'm like suspicious it hurts. But it's good. If you're, like, slogging it out with,

you know, through life with someone, Can't be buying. Is that what they call it? That's the most romantic thing you've ever said. That's our spot. Yeah, slogging. Slogging away at life. If you're slogging away at life with someone in your life, I suppose I'll die with you. This is a great idea.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flashborn and Haley. From the unmoderated comment section, this is the top six. Well, last night, the New Zealand Comedy Festival wrapped up. Somebody got people's choice for the most of. tickets? Rigged.

I don't know who. Rigged. It wasn't anywhere now. Rigged. Rigged. Rigged. Well, genuinely thank you because so many ZEM listeners

came. That's all you. That's all you, baby. So that's done. That's dusted. Chuckles done. Cerectonin plunging. That's misery for another year, I guess.

Yeah, so top six things to look forward in the upcoming misery festival. Lovely. A.K.A. Life. Number six on the list. The news. Oh. Miserable.

At this misery festival They're just going to be doing live reads of actual headlines Now let me just check my New York Times You know because I subscribe Well done Is it comedians? And he doesn't even play the games I don't know

I don't even play the games US and Iran agreed it in principle To reopen the straight of Hamoos Yeah That's looking positive Yeah I don't know If you can trust the guy who put up An AI generative view of him throwing

Stephen Colbert in the bin I know On the weekend I know I don't know Number 5 on the list of the top six things to look forward to at the Misery Festival. The line for the bar.

Oh gosh. It's so long and slow moving. The people work in there, they might be learning as they go. Because you almost turn up to a show at the Misery Festival thinking, maybe it won't be as miserable. I'm going to need a drink. I'm going to need a drink, though, and then the weight for the drink makes you miserable. It really kicks it off as a misery festival.

A lot of these places we could just have vending machines, right? Or just a pre-booked drink in your seat waiting for you. Sure, that would be. Topps idea. Drones and robots. Oh, now we're talking. Number four on the list of the top six things to look forward to in the misery festival. The seats, none of them are right for your back.

You're going to be uncomfortable. They're uncomfortable are they? Uncomfortable for the whole show. What about like movie recline seats? There's not going to be any of those at the misery festival. Okay. No, it's misery. It's misery.

And the seat in front is just a bit too close. Oh, yeah, crammed and miserable. You're going to be in a weird angle. The back's going to be in pain at the end of it. Number three on the list of the top six things to look forward to at the misery festival. Parking. Oh. It sucks.

You're probably going to come back to a scrape. Yeah. You're super expensive. Super tight. She's probably just Uber. That's expensive. That's expensive, isn't that? It's Serge. I don't know why we're going.

The venue's just surge. Do we have to go? Maybe you don't want to, because number two on the list of the top six things to look forward to in the misery festival. Ladies, I'm sorry, but the bathrooms. Very slow moving. And you can see the male's world that have zero cue. Guys are just in and out, in and out, in and out. You're like...

I will say we went to Eddie Izard. and I remember saying a Fletch like we needed to pee and I was like I know a hack and there was this one bar on a little touch corner a little level no one in the women's It's brilliant Or otherwise do what I do

Just use the men's? Use the men's yeah absolutely I'm not using them We welcome you And number one of the top six things To look forward to at the misery festival The awards to end the festival Of course the Eeyors

Oh The Eeyals For the most miserable For the most miserable And even one winning the award, still miserable. Still miserable. It still hurts. Still miserable.

And today's top sucks. Play, that ends, Flesh, One and Haley. Spotify premium subscriber, and you're over the age of 18, and this is just starting in the United States, but then other markets will follow. Then you will be able to enjoy the benefits of Spotify Reserve, which was announced over the weekend. Spotify Reserve basically goes in and identifies your top artists.

You know, at the end of you're like, hey, Haley. or they don't say Haley. Hey, you're one of our top 1% fans, blah, blah, blah, blah. So if you're one of those, a dedicated fan to a particular band, they will hold up to two tickets for you to a concert that they're doing. Okay, that's pretty cool. So before tickets go on sale to general public, no codes, no cues, they're just like, you listen to Harry Stiles,

top 1% and so for his upcoming tour in your town, we're holding two tickets. You've got to buy them. You don't get them free. But they hold them for you. So even if you're a mega fan, but you're not on that 1% you'll miss out. I don't know how, I don't know what the top is. It says dedicated fans, like the most dedicated fans.

But usually it's your top when you're within the top. How are they going to do that? I don't know. So they were they just bookmarking that many? Yeah. That's crazy. So eligible fans get a full day to buy the seats that are reserved for them. And Spotify won't add any platform fees.

Offers will be for shows in the fans local area. fans get an email and an in-app notification when they have a reservation. So it's only in America and for only certain bands at the stage. Oh, okay. So it's not every... You don't have to opt in. Do you think it's only going to be artists that aren't, say, with Live Nation? Because you know how Live Nations are a launch partner with them?

Oh, they are. Under a multi-year agreement. So I don't know if it's just going to be there and then other bands can opt in or if it's just like a Live Nation. That's pretty cool. Spotify CoLab. It is cool, but I just, I'm just like, surely that's just going to be thousands and thousands and thousands of tickets.

And also they're excluding sleep lessons. You know people that just leave a, if you just leave that loop. I don't know, I guess they just know you're asleep. Sometimes they do know, they can exclude sleep lessons because I have so many sleep lessons. Sleep lessons. I don't want to go to the Tibetan Bowles concert. Do you know what I mean? I'm not paying money to go there.

You're not going to the white show you don't want to? There's a, like, white noise finally announced a show. Spark Arena and your top 1%. To me it'd be Brown Noise headlining. White Noise might be the opening act. And Green Noise does like a pop-up performance in the middle of Brown Awards. Yeah, special guests. And then Tibetan bowls to finish.

It's great because that's the thing. When you are a genuine, dedicated fan to a band... And you miss out? And you miss out. It's so gutting. So if it works, maybe more producers, Light Live Nation and more bands would get on board. And then they'll try it in the UK.

and then probably Australia and then, you know, like most things. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed for New Zealand in, you know, eight to ten years time. The Z&P Podcast Network. Is this a show real? Play ZN's Flesh, Forne and Haley. Our beloved producer Shannon, can't cook a chicken breast, can't cook a stew, lives in meth manner, but loves history.

Loves a bit of history. Loves a bit of deep, deep history. Now, producer Shannon, you told us the story of, of a Spanish king, the ugly one with the funny jawline. Yes, Ferdinand, he had a very misfigured genit. His reverse traffic cone penis. Yeah, that's right.

It fled at the tip. Yes. And you just told us because you thought that it would tickle us, and which it did. It just tickles all around. And then we thought, we actually like hearing history from producer Shannon. Because sometimes when she does her hacks,

people text in and go, is there something wrong with her? Is there something wrong with it? You really sound me to be a catch. I can cook a chicken breast. It's just dry. It's dry. But it's not raw.

It's therefore it's cooked. Can we have the Bridgeton music? I like that better. No, we're going back to Vikings. Bridgeton doesn't match. It's historical. We've been told Vikings. This is Viking.

That's throaty. That's throaty. Okay, producer Shannon, you were telling us some unpredictable history from the Vikings. So we're heading back to the 800s. It's really hard to say that without saying 1800s, the 800s, and we're heading to Norway. I'm going to tell you about a Norwegian chief

called Sigard. Sigard. Now, he was kind of not a great man. I think just sort of when we do unpredictable history, we sort of just say all the men weren't great. I think it brings over a few details. No. No allies, that's for sure.

No, no. And I will say this is a little bit of a grim story, but it's a real story. It's history. Okay. So, Segard was... The way she said it was like, it wasn't history. No, no, no, it's real. So he kind of was quite a bully.

He notoriously bullied a lot of the other chiefs. We won't stand for it on this show. No, and he was particularly... At least it's Tavorn. Not like Harald. Harald Bluetooth Gormson. Who's Harald Bluetooth Gormson? That's whose Bluetooth is named after.

How'd they have Bluetooth in the 800s? He had blue teeth. What were they connecting? He united warring tribes. So we like connected the people. Anyway, that's a story for another day. Wow. A couple of history buffs.

Wow, it's actually funny you bring up teeth because Segar, one of his biggest enemies was a guy named Mayo. And he notoriously bullied him because he, Mayo had really bad buck teeth. They poached. More bad teeth. Yeah.

They poked so far out of his face that they kind of were... He could eat on the lumenodental plan. He could eat an apple through a tooth. tennis racket. You could. I literally heard someone say that to someone with buck teeth once. You could add apple through a tennis record with those things.

And I was just like, that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard, but I can't know. Yeah, well, May I'll imagine him like that. Now, Sagard said, let's have a battle. It's a 40 man battle. You bring 40 are your best men. I'll bring 40 of mine. Mayal said sweet, bought 40 of his men. Cigard.

80 men. 80 Norwegian buff Viking men. Cigard, as I said, bit of a POS. He bought about 80. That's not fair. The deal was 40. God, I hate when more men turn up. Oh my God, I met Sme too. So this battle happens, and obviously,

Cigard won. He, you know, he dominated him with all these men. So that was just like not grey. And because it was the Viking era to triumphfully celebrate, Cigard beheaded male. Classic. Chop his head off. Chopped his head off. Now, the reason I bring this. up is because as he was parading him around going, I won the battle, even though it wasn't

a fair battle, he put the head of Mayal on his saddle of his horse and starts trotting around. But you remember those famous buck teeth he had? Oh. The buck teeth went into Segar's leg. Oh. And killed him from infection. Wait.

What? He is one of the only people to lose a war after the other guy died. Posthumously killed by the man. you must beheaded. Wait, how sharp were these fangs? But they, no, but they would have been more manky. It was more the infection that killed him. And so they do say, he's trotting around the head like that. He's like,

ha ha ha, ha, I'm a better man than everyone. I won a battle that wasn't a fair battle. And then, just the teeth just, and they might have been just rubbed, you know, because sometimes I would have, I'm chafing. I would have put an apple in there just to for it safety. Just a apple ploy.

Sort of a cork. Yeah, maybe a pool noodle on each one. Yeah, yeah, just to soften A subpoena. There's a real debate about how long it took him to die, but all the doctors at the time agreed that he died because of the teeth of me. Wow. Wow, because he got a wound and it was infected. Yark.

The ultimate karma. Yeah. Died posthumously from the gaming. And he relentlessly mocked this guy because of the butt teeth and it was the butt teeth that took him down. It's a brilliant story of karma, isn't it? It is. Yeah, wow. That was unpredictable history.

I liked it. That was unpredictable history. That was pretty good stuff. Really good episode from you, Shannon. Really good. So much better than your hacks. The hacks are just. That was a five-star history story, wasn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Someone feels a bit sick. They said, God, the weebooks were a bit hard to get down this morning, thanks to that. Sorry, yeah. You don't need teeth to eat those famously. No. Moly them up enough.

The Z&M Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flashhorn and Haley. Right now, though, give us a call, oh, $800, ZDM. or a text 966. When did a first date turn into a non-stop multi-day occasion? They just didn't leave and now you're together and it's been ages. Yeah. Or maybe it was just like a week-long fling.

So I read this beautiful story online about a woman who went through a tumultuous divorce. She lives in the UK and decided that post-separation, she was going to go out and have a little bit of an eat, pray love. One destination was Australia. She wanted to spend 12 months in Australia. I would have gone to France. Anyway, Australia from the UK. She goes to Australia and she's having a lovely time,

but she's moving around all the time. And she's just got their apps open for a bit of cuddles. Yeah. You know, cuddles. Yeah. She meets Seth. It's gone all the way to Australia for not getting a bloody cuddle. You know what I mean?

With a bloody lovely bit of FIFA, bloody something around with a tan and some veneers. Yeah. So she meets up with Seth on Bumble. They've gone on a little date. And immediately they're just like, this is lovely. we're having so much fun. I don't want the day to end. And he's like, well, do you want to come back to my place?

And I'll just cook you dinner. And she was like, oh my God, he's a stranger. Followed her gut and was like, I feel really good with you. Went home for dinner. Stayed the night. They didn't even connect physically. Just stayed the night. Oh, my.

Seven days later, she left his house only because she had to go to the Gold Coast. So she just had this little week. Well, she's had a holiday fling. And it's different on holidays. It's different on holidays. But they like live together every single day. Like they hung out. She hung out with their dog.

They were doing washing together, cooking meals, just having this kind of like almost fake romance. And then she was like, and I'm leaving at the end of the week. And then the morning he had to go to work. And he just gave her a kiss. And she was like, thank you so much. How nice is that? This one date, they never left each other.

They just stayed together that whole week. Where are they at now? So she went to the Gold Coast, gave him an open, like, invite. Like, you can join me anywhere along the way if you want. And he never did. But they still kind of keep in touch. No. It was just fine.

Better of the... I know. I know. I don't know. I wanted a happy ending, but there wasn't one. Other than the fact that she was like, he healed a part of me,

you know, and it kind of put me back out there. I feel really good. Oh, that's nice. And I just like that maybe your like first date turned into a multi-day thing that's turned into,

you've literally never left each other. Yeah, now you're married. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're just like, wake up in the morning and it's like, I should leave, but actually maybe we'll do lunch and then we'll do this, and then we'll hang out tonight.

And then I'll say the night again. You're basically describing every lesbian relationship. Yeah. Well, lesbian is welcome. We may have over-rexentation of our lesbian listeners in this line on top. And we're never disappointed about that. Because normally they're moving in after a week. A week or so.

10 days. I want to know when a one-night stand or a first date turned into a multi-day occasion. Katie, what happened? I met my now husband way back in 2005. Okay. Okay. Out of study abroad, and we just stayed in contact. And then when I went back to the state, invited him over to visit,

and that was technically our first date, and he ended up staying and living with me for six weeks. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah, and then basically did long-distance relationship for a year and a half, and then got married. Wow. So now he lives here in New Zealand?

Well, I live here in New Zealand, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I came over here on a study abroad and we met and then when I went home, invited him to visit. Your accent, your accent wavers in and out of like a real Kiwi accent to like little bits of American in it. It's a very interesting accent. I've been here long enough now. Yeah. Oh my God, it was quite Kiwi.

That's why I assumed it was him that had the accent. Amazing. Wow. And so you just never left and turned into six weeks and, yeah, now are you together? That was that. Yeah. Yep. Okay, and you kind of stuck here now. You don't regret it?

No, not at all. I mean, yeah, who would? It's way better here. Yeah, totally, totally. Way better here. Katie, thank you. Anonymous, anonymous. What happened? Good morning. Hi. Well, I was very good friends with my now husband's mother. She was 91 and she worked out that would be a perfect match long, long, long before we met.

many, many months before we met. And she match-made us and just said, hey, why don't you pop next door and say thank you to that girl? And that was it. We had a date. No, he left his wife on the Tuesday. We had a date on the Thursday.

We're inseparable from then. Juggling children and work and a 91-year-old. And now we've been married a year. What? He left his wife on a Tuesday. When did he meet you? Left his wife on Tuesday? Oh, no, no, no, no.

Well, I'd been friends with his mother for many, many months, obviously. Yes. It was not very long beforehand. Oh, okay, right. Right. Yeah, it takes a while. But he was going to leave, he was going to leave the wife anyway? He was done with the...

Oh, okay, right, okay, yeah. Yeah, left her on a Tuesday. It took you for a drink on Thursday. And now you've been married a year. Yeah. Yes. Yes. So she was right.

But now 95-year-old, it was really, really clever. Wow. When you know-in-na. When you know-you-na. When you know-you-na. When you know-you-na. What a great story. What a great story.

Thank you. Ask the messages in. Our first date turns into seven days and seven dates in a row, and now we're married and been together nearly 11 years. Oh, wow. That's great. There was a weird cat funeral within the first month, too. Oh, that was probably trauma bonding.

Yeah, trauma-bonding. Keeps you together. A booty cool date 16 years ago turned into three kids in a marriage and a mortgage. Yeah, you're in deep now. You're in deep now. Sometimes I've just got such a nice face. A Thursday movie date ended up spending the entire weekend together and then they're never leaving each other side, swapping between houses.

Six years later, we own our own house and have a wee family. Oh, okay, that's cute. Love is alive. Took a girl home on a one-night stand and she didn't leave. 24 years later, two kids' house and all the bullshit, it's probably time to call a. it. Oh, I was like, ah. Oh. Probably time to call it. All the bullshit.

Yeah, well, that's, that's, that's love. That's the love. Best friend took a barman home to her apartment after a night out. He never left. They're still together and married something like 20 years now. Oh, beautiful. And he'd be on the cocktail duties. Oh, my God, yeah. I had rebound sex with my niece's fiance's brother. Hang on, do a tree.

With my nieces, fiancé's brother. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That seems that's allowed. Absolutely. He's 10 years younger than me. He moved in, because we were spending so much time together, moved in two months later and six years later, we're engaged. Oh, that's cute. Your niece's fiance's brother.

When you know you know. When you know, you know. I invited a guy around to hang out one night. He didn't leave and now we've been married for 12 years. Yeah. Hang out one night? It's always the best of intentions, isn't it? My one night stand has lasted 27 years.

Dish. Met a one night Sand at the clubs Just got stuck together Never left each other side Eight years later we're married Been married for five years Two kids

Yeah Amazing This is cute So somebody said Just to confirm The niece's brother Inlaw is now her uncle Hang on what?

I don't know I'm so I got lost in the first tree Now we're in another tree Yeah We're in another tree Or to get more of a bush Sort of a crepe and vine

intertwined branches there. Maybe don't do one of those ancestry dot com tests. No, because it's not blood. No, it's not blood. It's not blood. There's contracts and connections everywhere. The niece is married to the brother,

but now her uncle, who, yeah. It's married to the uncle. We don't want that getting out. Nah. Even when you've got the explainer and someone's like, no blight, no blight, no blight, no blight.

It still feels a bit, doesn't it? It's dangerous out there. I had a friend with benefits who I finally said you can stay one night and then that night just turned into the next night and the next night and the next night and the next night I've been together for four years

living together for three getting married in August Oh August! Cute Interesting date to get married? Yeah. Sort of a winter. Cold. It might be going for a sort of a winter wonderland thing.

Maybe a long sleeve. Yeah. Or just a muddy Auckland theme. Yeah, we're off. Foggy Wondoo wedding. Yeah, it'll be a gumboot wedding, no doubt. Mead at what? Club Kong.

Do you guys remember? a club con. Met a club pong in the day. One night stand. Now we've been together 10 years. Wow. Someone said as a single woman who was really over the apps, can we agree to just bringing back hooking up at the bar? Sounds like it

works. Oh, it's a classic. It's a classic. It's a classic, but it's very loud. It's very loud. It's very loud. And you always need to let your friends know where you are. Expensive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So expensive. Oh, love is alive, guys. ZDM Podcast Network.

What's going on? ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Haley. I went to my dear friends, one-year-old's birthday party yesterday. I had a really varied weekend. Partied on Friday, and it ended with a one-year-old's birthday party on Sunday. Wow, how life changes.

I know. It was so funny seeing everyone there with their young kids and then being like, do you have kids? And me like, no. And then been like, that's awesome, man. That sounds awesome. Hey, hey, Arlo, get over it. It was, oh my gosh.

It was a lot. But I always get really nervous going to parties where I'm going to be familiar with people, but maybe not remember their names or the names of their partners. Or, you know what I mean? Like, obviously, my key friends are. Oh, I'm shocking. If I see people out of the context of which I know them, like at your comedy show, I saw one of Indy's friends' parents.

I don't recognize them. Because I was like, I only see you when I'm. dropping a kid off. Yeah. You're the person that stands at the door. What are you doing here? And then you're going to panic. Like, someone's standing there waiting to be introduced and you're like,

I couldn't find it. I can't find it. Yeah. Well, I did bring someone to this one-year-old's birthday party. And I did that thing when I was like, if I don't introduce you, then you just introduce yourself. Yes. Great agreement that one.

Don't put me in that position, man. Yeah. If I don't introduce you, introduce yourself and I'm going to do that. Then I walked in there and, and there were lots of drama school people, there were lots of toy fikari people. And, man, it was so funny. I don't mind, but I was like,

forgetting someone's name is one thing. Forgetting a human existence is another. Because I always remember a face, terrible with names, but if I see a face, I could have seen them once before. And I'll be like, I remember that person from somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think we've met before. I know you from somewhere, something like that.

So there was some drama school people there from different years, a couple of years above me. And I was saying hi to everyone. I don't know them all very well. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. And there was one girl who I haven't seen a lot since drama school, but she was there while I was there. And I was like, hey, how are you?

Insert name here, because I won't embarrass her. Yeah. Say, hey, how are you? And I gave her a hug, and I gave her a hug. And she was like, I just feel her pulling back. And being like, oh, good, thank you. And I was like, wait, there was an acting type that didn't automatically want to be all over the other person?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that was the first thing. And then my other friend who, you know, knew both of us was like, you remember Haley? she was at drama school the same time as us and she was like, oh, what year? And I was, I was just, I was two years below you. Huh, whose class was that?

I was like, oh, I was with, you know, Chris Parker and Leon Wadham and all this. I've just no memory of you at all. Ouch. It wasn't that she didn't know my name, which is so fun. She won the People's Choice Award. Yeah, God. And she really. And she won't remember that over the fact that someone couldn't remember who she was.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, really humbled. I never mind when people forget your name. It happens all the time and I'm so bad at it. But she had no memory of my existence. And then I had to stand there as the other friend was like, oh, she did, you know, they were in this play or they did this show or they did this.

She's like, no. I remember your whole class, but you weren't in it. I was like, I just was. Wow. Really was. So she completely forgot you existed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was quite funny.

Was she doing it on purpose? Sounds like she was being a bitch. No, no, no. She was jen. She was bamboozled. about this human being existing. Right. I even said, you know, I dated this person and that and this,

that, no, don't have you. Wow. Wow. Humbling. I vanished from existence of someone that I've, you know, spent quite a bit of time with. Imagine if you had been anxious about something you'd said to this person 10 years ago. Erased. And, you know, you spent all this time

occasionally worrying about something you said. Yeah, oh my God, that time I saw it and I offended her. Yeah, and they don't even remember. you exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the trauma blocked me out. Because what I said was so horrible. No, it was great. It was quite, it's quite, it's it actually relieved a lot of tension in terms of me. Would we know who this person is? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't think so. No, okay. I was just thinking, because if they went to the acting school and they were

a well established. No, I don't think that you'd know, yeah. Okay, okay. Well, that's fine. But you might, you know, you may have seen her work, but for me, she just, I didn't even exist. I was never born. Never born. Network Play ZM's Flethorn and Haley We want to know now When did someone important

In your life not show up? It's a bit sad It's really Okay but the reason we ask Is there were two occasions Celebrity occasions over the weekend With this very thing happened Because celebrities have messed up family lives

Just like us So So the Trump one is the first one So he said He'll try and make his son's wedding Try. Yeah, because he had a lot of stuff going on. You might have heard of Iran.

Yeah. So Donald, and there's always jokes about how he's, you know, he's got family and sons and somebody. But this isn't Donald Jr's first. No. Marry J. These Trumps, they get married. Yeah.

I guess he is the president. There's important things to do. But this happened also to Miley Cyrus over the weekend. Yeah, so Miley Cyrus was inducted into the Hollywood Hall of, not the Hall of Fame, the Walk. Walk of Fame with the star and her dad Daddy wasn't there.

And sister? And sister? And sister. Mom was there. Daddy wasn't there. And then Anya Taylor Joy was. She's kind of there in the West Gambit. It was so odd that she was an odd choice.

But yeah, all the photos it was like oh, it's kind of crazy that Billy Roy Cyrus and Noah Cyrus weren't there. Is she the youngest person? She's the youngest person. She's the first person born after 1990. He was on me together.

Right. Because there's a whole deal about getting a walk of fame star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to pay. Yeah. You've got to be nominated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a whole...

Yeah. You kind of buy them. You kind of buy it. But you do have to have done the Mahi to get it. So, like, it's great for her. But yeah, Daddy wasn't there. That's all I think about with this is gold member, Austin Powers. Daddy wasn't there.

Daddy wasn't there. Looks out and Daddy wasn't there. But you think Billy Ray would have been there. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But this happens all the time. Like, people get married. And their parents might not.

be there. Yeah. And a Port of Family member didn't show, it doesn't show. Yeah. Or you graduate or something, you've got this big life event.

Yeah. And someone you really want to be there isn't there. How many husbands have missed the birth of their child? Because the mum has to be there. Yeah. But you kind of... Mum has to be there at the birth. But you can kind of see sometimes why that doesn't happen.

It can just happen fast. Unpredictably. Some people sneeze them out, honestly. And then they just don't have time to get there. But, you know, they're still not there. This is what we'd love to know. 0800 dials at them as the number.

9-696, text in. When did someone important in your life not show up? So we've asked the question, when did someone important to you not show up? Didn't make it? Wasn't there. I'll tell you what? Oh, there been no shortage of it.

No, no shortage at all. Dynamics. Tiffany, Tiffany, who didn't turn up? Good morning. Good morning. How are you? Hi. I'm good, thanks. I graduated in Hawaii

I did my undergrad in Hawaii and Aloha Aloha I know I know Aloha And my mum came My dad couldn't come

My mum flew over My uncle flew over But on the day of the actual graduation My uncle didn't come He went to the swap meet instead A swap meet It's like a Have you been to Hawaii

It's this huge What would you call it Like a market Yes Yes and it's in like a car park or something behind a stadium or something. Is that the one? Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get lava lavas and trinket. So he decided to spend the day there. But that's not what you're there for, Uncle. Because I thought you were going to say they didn't make it all the way to Hawaii. And I was like, well, that is expensive. It's expensive and it's a lot. But he was there.

No, no, he flew to Hawaii. Yeah, yeah. And this is the whole graduation. Were you amazing? Pissed? I had all my friends there. And it was just a bit, I don't know. I just think I wasn't thinking about it at the time.

It was odd, but it wasn't until sort of afterwards, after everything is finished. I thought, oh, he didn't actually come. Yeah, just sounded like he wanted a free trip to Hawaii, really, didn't it? Yeah, really. It really gives, yeah, an excuse for Hawaii, but that's okay, uncle. Crazy. Tiffany, thank you. Some messages in.

My dad didn't come over from Australia to give me away at my wedding. Oh, that's really not that far. Someone said, kind of fits the story of requirements. Granddad died four days before my 21st birthday, so he held his funeral on my 21st birthday so technically he was there but physically the lights were off. There was a follow-up there

from that message. My dad didn't come over from Australia. He did come over for my sister's wedding one year later and said that that made up for it, not being a mile. No, not does it? No, it actually makes it worse, Dad. Actually makes it worse.

It makes it worse. After my mum passed away, I only had one family member left her brother. He didn't show up to my wedding. We were close. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're probably not still close.

So I'm a cheerleader And technically My dad did turn up to the dance competition But that was next door But by the time he realized Not already competed he felt awful So technically he turned up just late Because he got the time's wrong

Oh yeah My parents have missed both my weddings Due to religious reasons And I'm excommunicated from the religion And I invited them but they refused Oh goodness Wow That's not all on

My dad didn't come to my wedding Went on holiday instead I'm sorry He wasn't busy at work He was on holiday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My sister-in-law didn't turn up to her wedding. She said, she was told it started at 3.30, but it started at 3.

But even if it started at 3.30, wouldn't you get there? Like an hour beforehand? So she arrived as it was all finishing. We all think she actually knew. Oh, my God. That top message is just legendary. Made it to Smoke Free Stage Challenge finals. Congrats.

This is a big achievement. Huge achievement. A mom was too busy getting a tattoo. she sent the guy that she was having an affair with. Did he... Did he video it for mum? I think he might have videoed it for mum and seen it to the tattoo shop.

Mom, what were you doing? Mom, that's... I'd take a break. Sending the guy she's having an affair with. Amazing. That is brilliant. Sorry, that tickled me no end. My grandparents declined to come to my wedding because I wasn't able to make it to Grandad's

80th birthday five years prior due to a work commitment. It's not the same thing. Yeah. Now, you had a call from Kaden. Earlier, didn't you? He said it, he went to the movies. Caden just gave us a call, but he had to go.

He's got school. Yeah, his friend didn't come to the movies. And they'd made a plan to go to the movies. Very upset. And he's very upset. His friend's important to him and he didn't show up. What movie? Probably the Grogu one, I imagine.

Maybe the Mandalorian Grover. Or the Mandalorian. I hope Hayden still enjoyed it, even though, you know. Yeah. We really find out in times of movie attendance who our real friends are, Katie. We do. I think we do. It's a lesson you've got to learn at some stage.

that you've learned it so early and your innocence has been robbed. But it's a lesson we all must learn. My dad and stepmom didn't turn up for the birth of my first son because they thought they were the last to know. They were actually the first people I rung. And so then they just ghosted me for the first year of his life. What? Do you know what?

Their loss. They're missing out only the most joyful time. They're adults, right? They're adults. We've got adults on our hands here? I bought my first home and moved in six weeks ago. mom works in the same town hasn't been to see my house. Oh, that's sad.

But she has told me all about how she's been in Christchurch and had a lovely day with my brother. She also wasn't there to whip up, zip up my wedding dress and spent the whole lead-up asking if she could invite friends of hers that I barely knew and my cousin's boyfriend or I'd never met. Oh. Oh, mum sounds like a punish. Yeah, mum's a bit of a punish. Oh, that sucks.

Did you read that one about dad at graduation? No. So my dad did make it to my graduation. For my choir, we had to sing the national anthem in front of everyone. So she's in the choir. I graduated with over 800 people. big crowd. My dad was so excited about the video that he took of me singing. It wasn't me.

It was the girl too over from that. So he was there, but he sort of missed it. Oh my God, that is brilliant. That's an ad for spec savers. It really is. Yeah. Should have gone to OPSM. Should have gone to OPSM. Should have gone to Bailey Nelson.

Mum missed my wedding over in Australia and my photographer missed it too because he wanted to go into the woods to find himself. To find himself. You can find yourself I'm not paying your small fortune to capture this momentous occasion. So I'm saying I thought we feed Jans

were full of drama but listen to all these parky-hour stories is the next level. Oh mate, no one does drama like the whites. Yeah. The ZM Podcast Network Play ZM's Flesh Forne and Haley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Didit, do-dip, did-to-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-too. It's kids TV shows this week, your effect of the day. Cute. Starting out with some Talley-tubbies. And today's Tally-tubby factors, did you know every Tallytubby was a different race? Sorry, you tell them. What was the purple one? They were aliens.

They were aliens. They were aliens. Were they aliens? Yeah, there were aliens dropped on Earth. were the tally tabby's aliens can you are you googling that? No I have an in my research Where the telly to I just thought I don't know I'd never really thought of there

The first thing you go if you say were the telly tabis Is gay and I think we're just saying La La La La was definitely gay No it wasn't Lala it was Tinky Winky Tinky Winky was purple and carried a big red handbag now in 1999 Dipsy was hetro ass Apesk

Maskedra mask in 1999 American American televangelist jury full will publicly accused the show of modeling a gay lifestyle because Tinky Winky Wink carried a red bag and had was purple, which was Yeah, it's the lesbian's color. It's the lesbian's color. And lived in a cave with

three other men. So they actually were based on astronauts, not aliens, but they're not really human. No, I never thought they were humans. But there's no definitive answer as to whether or not they were aliens. But the sun was a baby, so who knows? Well, do you know the sun,

the baby son now has its own baby. I know and everyone's like, stop it. Yeah, so Jessica is 30 now. Jessica was the baby and the son on the tally tubbies. And in early 2024, she had her own baby called Poppy. And the world panicked. And everyone said, Po.

Poppy, Po. And Jessica said, no. No. I just really like the name. So inside the suits were actors of different races. Oh, right. Dipsy. Let us guess, or is that bad?

As bad. Dipsy incorporated reggae into the baby. You know where they talked and it was like they kind of just talked to non-sensical? Yeah, they incorporated reggae and other words of Jamaican origin into the nonsense talk, the baby talk. And Poe's actor was Cantonese. So would weave in Cantonese into it? Wow. Yeah.

And what were the other two? The other two were, one was white. Yeah. The big purple one was white. Classic. Yeah. Okay, interesting. Yeah.

And Middle Eastern. Right. And all the actors and they had various different actors inside. Fun fact, and I know we talked about this many years ago, but the famous hills where Tubby Tully Tally-Tubby land was. Yeah. Were flooded by the farm on. Yeah, because he was sick of people coming on, taking photos.

Yeah, so they floated it. He could have gone Hobbiton on that and made some money. I don't know why he didn't. What was he thinking? Cut some sort of deal with them. Yeah. So they could do tours of there. Because people would do that 100%.

I mean, it wouldn't be Hobbiton level. No. But it'd still be a moneymaker. Yeah, even all these years later. Just since you've said Jamaican, I just want to hear some dipsy. Now, this is dipsy when he was picking up his Jamerquai hat. Remember he had that big, he had the big cowhide hat. Yeah.

Dipsy, Dipsy, come along. We're all waiting for the song. Come on, Dipsy, talk. Hurry up and put it on. That's what I'm saying, hurry up. Jamaican. If he says something other than hat, we may be able to pick up a Jamaican accent.

Not just hat. Very happy about the Germanical. Fancy that. So just more hat. More hat. Just more hat. You can see why the kids loved it. Very repetitive. Are you going to do any pingu?

I didn't have pingu down, but I love pangu. Oh my God, you've got to do pingo. Yeah, we love a pingo. I'll work a pingo. Someone's going to have to go, though. Well, can we go 9-6-96 votes for Pingu? Who's going to go? What else have you got lined up?

I've got... Do you have the line-up, announce? Festival announced. Oh, I don't want to do a full festival announce. I don't have pepper pig, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Big Bird. Something about Big Bird. I reckon Big Bird can go.

You run a Big Bird can go. Yeah. What was that? Okay. Well, Mr. Rogers, you know, the guy that had the neighborhood show? Yes. And Tom Hanks played him in a movie. So he had this thing, but he wanted Carol Spinney to come on inside the Big Bird suit.

But at the end be like, I'm a man inside the suit. No. And this is how it all works. Because, you know, how he explains how things work. And Carol Spinnies like, no. And all the Jim Hinton and the Twitter. No, the one deal is we don't spoil. the magic of Big Bird.

It's magic. So many votes for Pingu by the way. The text is okay. I'll find out. Big birds out. Big birds out. What I'm telling you right now. So they had this apparently

the 20 minute long like heated phone conversation about how it was going to spoil the magic of Big Bird. I'd be devastating. And so he's like, okay, just come on as Big Bird. So they recorded this piece of Big Bird.

And then just before they cut to the Big Bird bit, Mr. Rogers is in a draft suit. And he's like, look. And he's like, and he's like, and they didn't know because he did it after them, recorded the interview with him. And then there was like this.

He meant to be the nicest guy? He's ruined it. Totally. So everyone's excited for pingo. Noot, we've got a lot of new notes in here. You're going to say your pingo's unbelievable. We need it again. We'll get a newt note note.

So today's fact of the day is... Oh, someone said, can we get rid of Peppa Pig for Barney? And I'm not upset by that. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't be upset about that. But pepper pig's huge. I can put Peppa pig to bed. Can we just have bacon? Can we just have two a day?

We can do whatever we want. Carwin had a good joke. What do you call a tally tubble who's been burgled? What? No, that was text in. Just a tubby. Oh, was that a text in? Yeah, yeah.

That's a good joke. It was texting, 391. It's a television stalling. Tally's been stolen. That's really good. And now people want Barney. But wouldn't you say, wouldn't it be better to say what, do you call it a Tally Taboo who's had their television stolen?

No, because it's too obvious. It's too obvious. You fed us the joke in the question. Hold up your certificate there you got last night that one. Zealand International Comedy Festival People's Choice. That says Haley Spragel. That wouldn't happen if she kind of told them the whole joke in the punchler. the setup.

The worst thing when you're doing a comedy show is the audience saying your punch lines because they're so obvious. Yeah. What do you call it? Hey guys,

what do you call it a tally tubby who's had his tally stolen? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're still tubby. Tubby. Tubby. Tubby.

Tuckie. It still works. Crickets. Crickets. So today's fact of the day is the tally tubbies canonically. That's a hard word to say.

We're different races. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. The ZDU do-Doo-Dood-Dood-Dood-Dood-Dood-Doo-Doo-Doo. The ZD-M Podcast Network. Now I, you may remember, just to recap, at the end of last year, I was going to get so hard into Pilates. There's a history here, folks. There's a rich history.

There's a pattern of behaviour. First it was cross-stitch. Then it was Pilates, and I was going to go to reform a Pilates. Or our friend Skid has one at home And she's going to teach us But she lives in, you know, Hamilton basically Yeah, the gas together and back Buy her own reform of Pilates machine

No, the Pilates in Cumu Just buy me They gave me some classes And I still haven't been And you were going to get into that With my mum, yeah, we're going to go Pilates Pilava It's a Pilates palava

And then I was like, you know what Pilates ain't it, I'm going to be a skateboarder Because I saw a hot chick skateboarding in Australia And I was like, that has to be me. So I bought the skateboard. The knee pads. The knee pads, the elbow pads. I even got seen a custom made skateboard. It's just, I haven't gotten around

to that, but I've got a new thing. And you're going to love this! And I think it's going to be really fun because on Saturday I went with my dad to the driving range for the first time ever to hold a golf club. And I have never hit a golf club. A golf club's hit me

in the face and, you know, smash my face in when as a kid. That's why you've got a scar. I've got a big scar on my face. And a ming. No, that was before the golf club. That's genetic. So the golf club actually improved it.

No, the golf club smashed me pretty. Yeah, I was a rank-looking child. Right. And then it just smacked me into this gorgeousness. But I went to the driving range. And I was so nervous because I've never held a golf club. I've never swung. I've no idea how to do it.

I only ate shit like once when I went for a big swing in a straight miss. It's all fun. I didn't get a lot of hide on the thing. And I was sort of like learning along the way. Did you have to use a club from the range? Or did you use? No, dad bought his own.

You're left-handed. We borrowed a club from the range. But I just did it right. I'm mostly right with sporty stuff. Right, right. Did it have the automatic machine that put the ball there? Yeah, it was like, good. It was just like brought it up.

You just smack it away. And then we were like working in tandem. going between. Like one for one for one. I know you get a bucket of balls each. No, you get your own. No, it's just we paid for like 150 balls and we just went one for one for one. Yeah, but you paid for 300 balls and left your own.

No, no, it was really busy. It was super busy. They were like, you can't buy more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fun though. It is fun. I love driving ranch. Oh my God, it was so fun because I don't have to worry about the hole.

You know what I mean? It just like went left, went right, went straight sometimes. Oh, went far. You actually smacking, you smack the deck on the way out a lot of the time. But I was like, I think I could really get into this. And then do you know what the clincher was? So we could only buy 100 balls at a time. I was like, I'm going to go get us 50 more.

Yeah. And I walked away, and I just saw this girl. And she was... Oh, I'm golf lesbian. No, not a golf lesbian. She didn't give lesbian, but she was wearing. I don't think lesbians play golf. Oh, no, they love golf.

Do they? Do they? No, Carlson is huge on golf and she's a huge lesbian. Yes, she? I never knew this. Oh, she's the gayest woman, I know. 9-6-96. Are you a lesbian, golf, yay or nay? Or are we taking messages from bisexual,

at golf. Yep. Okay. If you're a bisexual or lesbian, you have to prove it though. 96.96. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your favourite part of the female form? Just to prove that. Yeah, just to prove it. Well, the 96, 96 right now is just ADHD, ADHD, ADHD, you know shit. And apparently there's a NZ ADHD hobby swap. So we're just like, oh, does anyone want the skateboard? What a crazy idea. That is the best thing I've heard of all day. That's hilarious. But, so I see this chick and she has... this cute skirt, cute shoes and socks, cute vest,

and I'm in. And I'm in. Because I saw the, um, when it comes fashion. The other day there was like a shop and it was all Huffa golf stuff. They've gone into like, they've done like golf stuff. The girls wear mini skirts. I love mini skirts. Well, because all of the dudes that used to do the skateboarding and the Huffer things are now

older and they do golf stuff and they're in finance. They probably do half of chinos and a half a pair of boat shoes too. I'm moving with their crowd. Well, this is what I'm doing. I'm going to learn right-handed so I can just, it's easy people. everywhere I go. I'll come and play golf with you. Hell yeah, let's do it.

I love driving range. I want to get one of those little buggies. Oh, no, we're going on the actual course course. I've got to work my way up to the course because I can't do the game. Because I was saying to me and Dad and a friend. Okay. And I was saying to him like, how do you know where the ball is? He was like, you watch out.

And I was like, but where do you know when you get there that the whole, where it's moved towards the hole? He was like, well, you get better direction first. So that's driving range first and then move my way up. I want a buggy but I'm doing the fit. Okay. Just on the lesbians who golf. Yes, please.

9-6-96. I work at a golf course and there are two lesbians who run a massive golf tour company in New Zealand. They also... Four lesbians. Not just four lesbians, but a lot of lesbians can involve. I'm a lesbian. I'm drawn to try golf.

I've thought about it for a while now. I plan to make it by menopause-midlife crisis hobby when I hit that, eh? Oh, join us. Join us. Lesbian here. Golf is two thumbs up. Okay. My mother-in-law is a long-time lesbian, long-time golfer.

Oh, okay, dig the bell for that? Do we ding the bell for that? Surely. Somebody said, bisexual, I'll swing both-wise. No, I like that. Good, bisexual reference, aren't there? I get that because I'm a golfer and a skateboarder and a Pilates queen. I'm going to skate to the driving range.

So I went to the Tuckabuna Golf Course, by the way. It was nice. Oh, very nice. It was really fun. Well, they're going to turn that into housing, so enjoy it while it lasts. Okay, quickly. But there's one very close to my house, like literally just up the road. That one I go to.

I've heard it's trash. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I'm trash-for. It doesn't automatically disperse the balls. No, yeah, yeah, no. I think it's a poor person's fingers.

It just pops the ball up. Yeah, and they're like, oh. It's every time. Ow! Oh! No, it's literally a little bit of rubber hose. In the grass. That's all right.

And that's all you need. Yeah, no, I know. That's all you name. That's all you know. We're trash. We're going to the trash one next and we have fun. How much Vaughn 100 bucks if she's still doing this in a month? Yeah, I'll pay her green fees. She's still doing this.

Play ZMs, Flesh forne and Haley. Okay, here's two great services. I think this might be in the States. I don't think you can get this in New Zealand. Maybe Australia. So, okay, first one, weddings. If you're throwing a wedding and you've got everything all set up in last minute, which is so rude,

someone pulls out or they're not coming or something. and you've already got the table, the seat all organized. You've paid for catering. You've paid for catering. Yeah, at that stage, once they're booked in and you've, you know, they're not going to cost you anymore. Yeah. And they say break something.

Unless they break something, what you can do is there's a gatecrashes website where, like, people like me who love attending weddings, love an occasion, can go and I can buy a ticket to your wedding. And if someone pulls out, then your wedding, you go on there and you're like, hey, come fill a seat, I'll take the ticket money. But do you need a seat filled that badly with a complete stranger? I mean, I guess what? Why not? It's the only upside is you're making some money back.

You're making a bit of money back. They get to have a nice time. They don't have to contribute to like a wishing well or a gift or anything like that. They just turn up and have a good time. Do they come like with a star rating out of five? Oh, yeah, true. What if they're a nightmare guest? Ooh, yeah.

Well, they don't handle their booze well or they don't eat enough and then you've got some drunk mess on your hands. that you don't know everything. Yeah. And then the other service I saw over the week, it was so funny. Before you die, you can order this service, pre-order this service. And after you're dead, an anonymous woman will come to your funeral, dressed in black with a veil, and cry the whole service,

and then leave without talking to anyone. Brilliant. Gorgeous. Because anyone's going to be like, who was that? Who was that? Who was that? Who was that? Who was that mystery woman?

She was so emotional. What do we not know? And they'll go, look, nothing there. It's just a good job. See, I'd do that. Have like... Go up to the casket and break down and then just run away. And then everyone's like, are you okay?

How did you know? And she just leaves. No answers, no questions. And the wife's like, who was that? Who was that? Brilliant. Does anyone know who she is? No.

Oh my God. You just have caused a kerfuffle. Yeah, if you just want to mess with your family once you're dead. Yeah, yeah. See, I think that's a better service. It's actually a service I might start providing. You can just contact me on Instagram if you want me to come and I'll book in your funeral.

Well, you've got to use that acting degree for something. For something. Yeah, sure as hell I ain't using it for the purpose it was meant for. The Z&M Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flashfallen and Haley. So on March 4th this year, Brittany Spears, beloved Brittany, Brittany, that's probably how she sounded a little bit less, she was arrested, was arrested on suspicion of,

driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs after she was seen Swiss swiss-whirving around. And in her cup holder was an empty wine glass, which is just, you know, not a great move and some unprescribed adderil. And she had, in fact, been drinking and taking adderil. Yikes. Not a great combo for driving.

Now... It's just so sad because she's... It really is sad. We've all done this to her. We did this. Fame at such a young age. There's no way anyone would deal with what she's had well. For sure.

So this has all been going on and then she's accepted, I think, you know, a suspended license and some money and some, you know, she has to do some courses and stuff. But it wasn't until yesterday that the dash cam footage from the police has been released and it shows Britney Spears trying a new maneuver to get out of the ticket. Oh, I'd only get in your phone. You can come to my house, I'll make you food and lasagna, whatever you want. So what you're here there.

That's actually really sad. I don't know, it sounds awful. But what you hear is her saying, you can come to my house and I'll make you some lasagna if you want. Now, as Sam's... I'm kind of interested to see what Britney's lasagna's like. Did she also tell them she had a pool? She doesn't have a pool.

She says I'm an angel and a couple of points in and out. She does a British accent. Which she's done before. Yes. Brittany's done it before. And she's like, no, we'll recognize me if I'm. I'm British, Brittany. They do, they do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's so sad. I'll come to you how she said. Do you remember when we all said the conservatorship was so terrible? And like, maybe it was for the best. I don't know. Yeah. Do we think it was?

When officers asked, when officers asked the singer to rate her sobriety on a scale from zero to ten, she said zero. And then she explained, look, I can probably drink four bottles of wine and still take care of you. I'm an angel. It's like, that's not the right answer. I know. It didn't work. The excuse to get off the ticket didn't work.

Trying to offer the cop's lasagna didn't work. We would to know what did you do to get out of a ticket? Or just what did you say? Yeah, what'd you say? What did you say when you were pulled over? Did it work? Did it not work? Did you try to pull it?

Do you know who I am? Even though you just, you know, you work reception? Did he do a fake cry? Did you do a fake pregnancy? Did you do a fake? I'm about to ship myself. Yes. Yeah.

What did you say or do? Well, maybe it was a legitimate excuse and it worked or it didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mother is dying right now. Oh, 800 dials at em, call us. Text through 9-696. What did you say or do to get out of a ticket? Brit, Brit. To try to get out of her DUI, Brittany tried to invite the police back to her house for lasagna and her swimming pool. And she did so in a British accent. And it just, you know, it didn't work, but God loves a trial. We'll do anything.

Yeah, I mean, we will. And we want to know now, if you have tried an excuse when you were pulled over. Of course we're not encouraging speeding Drive to the conditions And if they change reduce your speed And drive to the speed limit And if you get pinged You get pinged

Yeah do the crime Do the time Yeah Or pay the fine Do the fine Have you seen this has been This has been happening In some countries overseas

To like change things up They'll put speed limit signs up But they'll put like 50.2 And everyone's like What Because it makes them pay attention to them more point three and everyone's just like, whoa, okay, wait, I'm going to go, whoa, okay. Whoa, well, because they're being serious about this.

Yeah, because everyone's like 80. So that's 90, yeah. 100, that's one, too. Yeah, they're like 80. Wait, what's going on here? What are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was 17, I clipped another car and drove off because I was with passengers on

my restricted license. Uh-oh. Parentheses, I'm an idiot. End parentheses. Correct. The cop showed up in my house hours later because someone had got my number a plate. And I told that my ex-boyfriend stole my car, crashed it, then

returned it back to my driveway. The cop was like, hmm, yeah, nah. I let it confess to my sins. I was locked up in a cell for five hours before my dad picked me out. Oh, my, that's naughty. That's enough to not do it again. That's really naughty. I was heavily pregnant at the time and got caught speaking on the phone

while driving, I got pulled over and told the officer I was having contractions and I was speaking to my midwife, asking him to meet me at the hospital and it worked. It worked. So naughty. If I was a cop and someone pulled that on me, I'd be like, all right, please escort all the way there. Yes, and then go into the room and watch her give birth. Yeah, go on.

Push out. Watch her give birth. Go on. And if she does in, ticket. Wow. He let me off a ticket and offered to, oh, sorry, so the person goes on to say that this comes to a separate text message. He got, let me off the ticket and offered to escort me to the hospital.

I said, no, that's okay. My midwife told me to go home and rest. Oh, okay, yeah. Then I wouldn't have given him a ticket. Yeah, I would have rewritten the ticket. I got pulled over for speeding, but they looked at my back seat and saw my two-year-old covered and vomit and said, yeah, no, you better get going and let me off.

Punch it. That's a good one. So if you're listening now and you're a toddler, if mom gets pulled over for speech, just vomit on yourself. What? Just get yourself covered in spew as quickly as possible. If you could just get there. Vomit on your sweater?

Mom's spaghetti. Yeah, yeah. Nerves. Ready? Yeah. Spaghetti. Vomit on a sweater already. Walk it down to the jetty.

I got, after getting a ticket, a cop said to me, any drugs or alcohol today to which I immediately replied, no thanks, mate, I'm driving. I thought that was pretty funny. That's fun. He didn't think it was funny. And then I got all my tested. Yeah.

I said it was my birthday, as it was my birthday. Oh, okay. That apparently didn't seem to fly off the cop, so I got a ticket anyway. So rude, I'd hope he'd take pity on me and give me a present that wasn't a fine. I was about 19 driving home from Auckland going too fast down hill got pulled over. A cop could see my seat was full of used tissue.

and half a box of scorched diamonds. They looked like crap and he let me off. He told me to go home and take the day off, work the next day to start feeling better. I got out of a ticket recently by saying, I was listening to a voicing member for my best friend who was grumbling about men. And he was like, we are the worst.

Just slow it down, and he left. It was so good. Really? Yep. Yeah. You know. God, so many people getting pulled over. I got pulled over forever ago.

My restricted license had a carload full of people. It was 11 p.m. I said I was sober driving all the. idiots on the way to the party thankfully got off even more thankful didn't check the boot because there was a couple of people in there too. Oh no! Yeah. I had a friend in Perth who was driving and said to the cops that the passenger has appendicitis and that's why she was speeding. They escorted her with sirens to the hospital.

She had to wait for them. To leave and then to sneak out. I love it. See the performance through. See it all the way through. Goodness me. Yeah, wow, you're very naughty. Play that ends. Flesh forne and Haley. New study, according to...

Do you want to put your voice down there, babe? I can't access Dream Girlfriend, or I assume that's what the GF stands for, a Dream GF. Could be. But there's a new study, and apparently if you want to make a love-making playlist, the best beats per minute, 119 beats per minute,

now that's faster than your CPR. Now, that's a marching beat, basically. That's your 120, 120 BPM. Right. So that's two beats per second. basically. Do you agree with that? I mean, in the moment, but then there's the, you know, the builder.

All I can think of is marching tunes. Right. D-d-da-din-din-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- Well. Now, just listen to that rhythm and see if it sits well with you. Sure. Yeah, that works for. How long do we have to keep this up for?

Sometimes it... This is... Oh, I'm not making love to this. No, this is... I'm just going your classic, well-known 120, because this list is more like what's in the top 100. at the moment that would be going on making music, but I just have searched other songs with a hundred and,

okay, 120 beats a minute. More on the BPM rather than actually it's a good mood setting vibe. Yes. Oh no. There's more to it than just the tempo. This Katie Perry song, I don't think. This is giving us a real insight

into the songs of Warren makes love to. No, no, not me. I don't know if 120's my, I don't know if 120's my tempo. Maybe these could be the new, now that's what I'm called. music. And it's now that's what Vaughn makes love to, volume 14. Yeah, well. I don't know if anybody needs that. If you want a bit more of a classic,

everyone's on the Fleetwood MacBuzz. See, this is a sexy, that's a sexy song. That's a sexy song. That's a song, it's a sexy song. Katie Perry's really in my bedroom. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's... Like, they need a little bit more, like... This is a bit more boudoir, isn't it? Sexual energy. What about this one?

Nirvana. From your classic rock. Yeah. Yeah, this is sexier. It makes you feel like a teenager, I guess. Yeah. But the songs that are currently in the top 100, with 120 beats per minute.

That's it at 120 beats a minute. Really? Yeah. Great for the gays. Great for the gays. Not great for the lesbians. Man I need. By Olivia, Dean.

Great for the gals. Yeah, okay. That's the beat there, yeah, okay. Uh-uh, yeah. I don't know. I'm more of a. mix it up the beat. You want a bit of a variety.

I'm like a let's go to 120. Then let's go to 145. And then a 90. Yeah, this isn't a bad song. It's not a bad song. Yeah. It's weird that we're all in the room thinking about it. Or you could just do what Haley did when a brown boy came over and put on.

Oh, stop it. Rap music. I got called out tonight. I got called out. I talk about that in my show. You do. When a date comes over and you just need background music. And I listen to heavy metal.

So that's just not for everyone. And it's a lot to walk into a house too. So I would always just try to go like, what do I was? I think the vibe is of this. Sort of cater to the crowd. Yeah, yeah. And then a lovely dark skin gentleman came over and he was like, did you put on hip-hop because I'm black?

And I said, yeah. Yeah, and he was like, well, I like this music. But that's very funny. So you weren't wrong. You weren't wrong. I wasn't wrong. So who's, you know what I mean? Yeah.

The ZN Podcast Network. Clay Z-N's Flesh for an inhalate. Fleckfond, silly, silly. Just had a little dance, didn't we to Silly Little Pol? We did, we did. Just figure, what a great song. Silly Little Pol today is how do you feel about kiss cams? Well, an opinion piece in the New Zealand merger

about the Kiss Cam, because the Highlanders have introduced a Kiss Cam this season. Yeah. To games in Dunedin. Okay. It's getting a lot of attention online. Of course, a staple of American sporting games for years. Coldplay, of course, a famous Kiss Cam. Yes.

But the best one is their warriors do the Pukana can. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. A great take. It's good because it's not awkward when you're sitting there with, I don't know, your sister or your mom or... No, but some Pakiya are shocking at a Pukana. Yeah, true. They can't get the mouth right, yeah? No, you've got a good Pukana.

I've got a good Pukana. Oh, what about your little stumpy tongue? Nah, he's good. That's a good one. That's a good one. I'd be so terrified, though. If the camera came on there at the Warriors game, I probably wouldn't be able to do it in the moment. You wouldn't.

No, it'd get so scared. Guys, as the resident Māori, you both rock a proud Pukana. Okay, I'll do it. Kilda. Kilda. Kilda. But Kist Kama, I've never been on a kiss cam. I would be, I'd be mortified.

Yeah. What are they saying about the Highlanders one? That it's like, just that there is a lot of attention, but also like some people feel pressured. Because the- You guys would give me a smooch if they caught us. No way. Come on, give me a kiss. Absolutely not. Give me a little smackerone.

Oh, no. Well, how do you feel about Kisscams as today? still at a little poll. 80% of people, not a fan. Not a fan. 20% love them. I love them. Watching, I'll have a laugh. See, it's fine when you're watching. Yeah, yeah. When it's you. The pressure. Yeah.

Some feedback on this. Corey said, I'd just like to be cursed to Cam or not. Oh. We've got a loser here. No. Cory, one will give you a kiss. Yep. Just a light one. He's come into the studio one morning, Vaughn or kiss here all you want.

Can get a little beard tickle. Zach says, I ain't no CEO, so I don't care. Of course, this is in reference of the cold play. That's good. Kiss and cuddle cam. I'm Charlotte. Any excuse to kiss my partner? Sickening A.

Yuck. In that in love phase. Yeah, love is alive. Amy says PDA isn't our thing at the best of time. So we're not going to be doing it on a camera with thousands watching. Yeah. John, I love them more when they accidentally target a brother and sister that don't look like a brother and sister or something.

I love it. They're like, we're brother and sister. Yeah. No, that's my mom. Yeah. A bit of fun. I have to have a laugh at some awkward kisses says Telfi.

Yeah. Telfi? Shane. What a name. I like Telfi. Why I assume it's Telfi's the... They don't actually have their actual name of them. Maybe Telford.

Could be. Or Tlyford. Tlyford. What did they happen to legendary New Zealand netball commentator Brendan Talfa? I think he's still... Is he still commentated in the netball? I don't watch the netball. Oh, wow.

Chauvinist. Wow. I don't actually watch a lot of sports, Haley. Wow. This guy watches the all blacks, I bet. In 2009, he collapsed at the Wellington Airport from a subatriot hemorrhoid. Hemorrhoid.

Not a hemorrhoid. She's a, well, if you're listening, Brendan. Good morning. All the best and good morning. Alana said, do you reckon? Absolutely not. They're so very awkward, said Alana. And Matt said, I have bought the cheapest tickets.

I need the screen to see the band, not your PDA. Yeah. Fair cool. Right, needs that screen. Doesn't want it used for Kiss cams. So we asked for Silo how you feel about Kiss cams. Only 20% of you love them.

If you like today's podcast, tell your friends, you could send them the link. And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great. And rate in review. And maybe get out there

and try to make some friends. Play ZM's Fletchhorn and Haley.