ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 26th March 2024

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

Best Phrase for Small Talk  Top 6: Cards in Davids Pocket  Hayley's Horny Book Club!  Are Kiwi's Bad at Flirting?  Silly Little Poll!  Impossi'Nonymous Phoner!  Hayley's Op Shop Run  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. That's us. Hello. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. I said to Hayley Vaughan before you got here, I was so excited for our Easter buns. We've got it right together. How did you say it to her before? You were getting a coffee in the kitchen. I said, God, I'm so excited for Easter buns tomorrow. It's not, is it?

No, two more of these. I thought it was Wednesday. Yeah, I know you did. I'm so excited for the Easter break. Now, $50,000 still has not been won with our game Five on Time. Get it together, New Zealand. One, two, three, four, time. That was three seconds.

That was way too quick. That was way too quick. So if you can nail that five seconds, eight o'clock this morning is your next chance to play $50,000 is the prize. Top six, imminent. I, this may, I don't know when this happened. I feel like it was recently.

Okay. But I saw it yesterday online and I was like, you've got to be shitting me. David Seymour said, David Seymour. Politician. Politician. Two ticks. Two ticks that act for you.

I like to stay apolitical. Yeah. You're a local MP who 100% supported the January 6th insurrection in the States. And one for the party as well. They, David Seymour, I don't know his preferred pronouns, so I'll say they. We've never asked. I've never asked.

Carries around a card in his pocket with a few pointers that he likes to remind himself on the daily. Now, when we read out these pointers, I was like, you need to read that card more often, my king, because none of that stacks up with your day-to-day. Do you think he heard us yelling at him the other day? Well, I want to talk about that, too, because that's one of the cards that he keeps in his pocket.

Oh, right. And that's today's top six. Yeah, top six are the cards Davidson has got in his jacket pocket. And I'll tell you the points that he had on this card. Okay. Next on the show. The number one phrase that people who are good at small talk use. Now, I think we could get better at talking.

Oh, my God. Nice day, isn't it? It's not house the weather. It's got nothing to do with the weather. Would you say, because we talk for a living and I reckon we're doing alright at it, you know I think we're doing okay. It's passable

It's passable, we haven't lost our jobs yet, but do you think you're good at small talk? No, terrible. I don't like it. And it's awkward and then I get awkward. Like at weddings with someone you kinda know or don't really know And every now and then I'll be like, hmm, I wonder if I can sabotage this conversation.

Why? I don't know because then they'll leave me alone. Right. How would you start small talk? I definitely, I'm definitely guilty of a little bit of weather chat. Yeah. Oh, we all are. It's easy.

It's a go-to, isn't it? Weather chat. One thing I'm guilty for definitely like working in the arts is like asking like what work people have coming up. Like with comedians and actors and stuff. Oh yeah, and most people are just like, just the 9 to 5 grind baby. Yeah, literally my waiting job.

Well an expert, I guess you'd call them a conversationalist, has chimed in on the number one phrase to use for good chat to keep small talk going. So this is if you were at a wedding, milling around or at a party. Hey, how are you? Oh, nice to see you.

You probably start with a greeting first. How you been? Maybe start like that. How are you? Is that the how you been? No, I'm getting to the phrase. I'm getting to the phrase. So we'll role play.

Who do you want to be? I want to? No, I'm getting to the phrase. I'm getting to the phrase. So we'll role play. Okay. Who do you want to be? I want to be a knight. You want to be a knight? Yeah. Are you in the armour? I'm in the armour. Do you mean like...

I'm in the armour. Holy armour. Okay. Okay, you're a knight. Not holes in it. It's holy. It sort of emits radiance. Right.

You're a knight and you're his wench. I'm a table. Oh. You're the round table. I can be the table. Okay, great. You're a knight and you're the round table. When are we starting?

Wait, am I a talking table? Yes, you're Merlin's magic table. I just imagined I was just a table. Oh, tables can't talk. I'm a plus one. Where's your one? I'm a plus one. I don't think you are. Where's your one? I'm your enemy's wench.

Okay. Okay. Slice, dead. Oh, no. I haven't got my phrase out yet. Stop killing the party, Giz. I've told you this. Okay, I'm not your enemy's wench.

I'm just a wench for sale at the window. Okay. Okay. Slice, that's unholy. Oh, my God. You'll remember I'm a knight.ch for sale at the wedding. Okay. Okay. Slice. That's unholy. Oh my God. Because you're a wench. You'll remember I'm a knight. Stop killing the guests at this wedding.

I've been sliced twice. Okay, I'm not a wench. I'm someone you went to a knight school with. Oh, okay. Okay, we trained together. Dothmarrow. No, but that means you know each other. You wouldn't need small talk.

No, but we haven't connected since we were 12. Okay. Okay. Knight school at 12? I was very advanced. You wouldn't need small talk. No, but we haven't connected since we were 12. Okay. Night school at 12? I was very advanced. You were very advanced. Savon. Tazai.

Taz-yee. Tazai. Tazai. Who art thou? Tazai. Leonard. Leonard! From night school!

Wow! Leonard, what a strapping man you've grown to become. And dost thou also strap? I eat eggs. Wait, are you guys goose? My lord, a talking table. This is Merlin's magic table. Hello.

How do you do, magic table? Great, thank you. Please use a coaster. Oh, my gosh. He's sensitive. A, thank you. Please use a coaster. He's sensitive. A coaster, please. How art thou dear knight? Haven't seen you for a while. Thou'st attired from battles

long and bloody. These battles? Tell me more. There's the phrase. What? Tell me more? Are you kidding me? These battles serve on. Tell me more. Twas a Wednesday. Now you've opened up this store. This Dungeons and These battles serve on. Tell me more. Twas a Wednesday.

Now you've opened up this door, this Dungeons and Dragons door. I know, but now I'm not talking. He's talking. Wait, so you ask anything and then say, tell me more. Literally anything. I can't say that and not sound sarcastic, though. I know. What have you been doing?

I've just been making a show for Comedy Fest at the moment. Tell me more. Oh, yeah. You can't do it. You can't do it. Tell me more. No. How do you put it in your own words? Tell me more.

The thing with small talk, and we touched on it, it's always lame stuff like the weather. But that's the thing to get away from this lame chat or like just work chat. How have you been? Yeah, yeah, good, good, good. How's the family? You get away from this lame chat or, like, just work chat. How have you been? Yeah, yeah, good, good, good. How's the family? You may ask a couple of questions, but to keep it rolling.

I sort of get it. But I don't know how to make tell me more. Because you've got to get into something juicy or interesting before you can say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rather than, like, oh, yeah, we've, oh, you know, just living life. Tell me more. Yeah.

Well, you know, just work, kids, school. Breakfast, doesn't it? Tell me more. Our friend Zach's very good at this, isn't he? He will just ask the most left field bizarre questions. Yeah, I like to do that too. To get out of the. He'll get you to drop your defences.

Yeah, yeah. Charming. Well, if you struggle, be it at a wedding with a knight you grew up with in his talking table or just general chat on the street, I guess it's like a prompt for them to keep going deeper down their story. Okay, tell me more. Tell me more. The top six is next.

It's not going to be next. Well, tell me more about the top six. I'm going to need more time. Tell me more about the top six. I'm going to need more time. This time you speak of, tell me more about the top six. I'm going to need more time. Tell me more about the top six. I'm going to need more time. This time you speak of, tell me more about the concept of time. It's a construct. Found it.

Well, look, you've got... Okay, I've found my... Now, I've found the source material of a card that David Seymour carries in his pocket to remind him to be a decent human. Now, most of us can kind of just remember to do that. I see it after a couple of bots. I've got the audio of him telling what's on the card. Okay.

And then I've got the top six other cards David Seymour carries in his pocket. I need a two-song sweep request. Absolutely. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM think Tank, this is the Top Six. I saw this online. I found it. I found it.

But when you Google David Seymour card in pocket, nothing comes up. Okay. Too specific almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. David Seymour hand in pocket cover of Alanis Morissette's song. Not happening. It's one of my of Alanis Morissette's song. Don't. Not happening. It's one of my favourite songs.

It's a great song. But here is the audio of David Seymour talking about how he reminds, he carries a card in his pocket to remind him to be a decent human being. I actually have a, if I've got it here, a little card that I carry that's probably quite useful and it just says, Speak well of others so you can recognise the best in each person. use my time on earth to leave the planet and people better than i found it be self-aware and take responsibility for my actions be kind to myself today make decisions that kind to my future tell me more some of the comments on this are brilliant um he's reading it

with all the understanding and enthusiasm of an eight-year-old who hates doing his homework. He tries to remind himself to be a decent human being. He just can't do it. So he carries a card. The sentiment is there. Like, the idea behind it. If only the actions. Someone else said, your card has been declined.

Good from them. Someone said, I recognise this as the same believability level as the woman who have testified on behalf of Gloria Vale. Yeah. So good. So good.

Anyway, I've got the top six other cards David Seymour has in his pocket. Okay. Number six on the list. His warranty from the robot factory and how to return it for repairs. Yeah.

That's the thing, you know. Sometimes you lose those cards and you can't figure out how to do it. Yeah. But he's always got the cards. So if you find him broken down, just search the Jacker pocket. Easy. It'll tell you how to reboot him. Hermann Brock.

Yeah. It'll tell you how to reboot the Act Party, basically. Number five on the list of the top six other cards David Seymour carries in his pocket, Joker cards. Let's face it, it wouldn't be a huge surprise, would it, if he turned out to be the bad guy all along. Wow, no. I want to know how I got these scars.

Number four on the list of the top six other cards David Seymour carries around in his pocket. A card to remind him not to use his phone while driving. That's right. He did. We saw it, Hayley and I. And we yelled, didn't we?

We yelled at him. Get off your phone. Get off your phone, David Seymour. I mean, you both use your phone while driving. I will say right now. Am I a representative for the people? No, I'm not. I'm a piece of shit.

I'm a bottom dog. I'm a known piece of shit. Yeah, I'm a proud piece of shit. Okay, so you're allowed to use your phone if you're a known piece of shit. Yeah, okay. Also, his car's allowed to use your phone if you're a known piece of shit. That's right. Yeah, okay. Also, his car's got his big face on it. Yeah. And you look and you see that and then you look up and he was holding his phone.

He was on his phone. It made me laugh that he was in a car branded with his own face and he was driving it. Yeah. I don't know why I thought that he was a driver. It should have been somebody else driving that. Yeah. The one. Number three on the list of the top six other cards David Seymour has in his pocket, an

Uno reverse card Because if it all goes bad he'll just be like reverse I never said that I never said that Yeah you did That's not what I mean Reverse Yes you did we have proof

Pick up five then And wild card I'm out bitch You didn't say Uno Pick up five Number two on the list of the top six other cards David Seymour has in his pocket a Valentine's Day card that he sent himself in 1998

from a fictitious girl called Dame Dolores Babintopper I think he went a bit far with the name to be honest Yeah The key to a good fake girlfriend is a simple name that's very popular at the time

Yeah And she's a model in another town that you'd love everybody to meet but she's super busy Jane Brown can't come to the phone right now Did you do that? Sounds like something

you might have done. Nah. Nah, because we never went anywhere. Oh yeah, true. And number one on the list of the top six other cards

David Seymour has in his pocket. Countdown one card. Just throw it out because they've got rid of them. They don't do it anymore. You're doing it. It's rewards now.

Just get rid of it. It's just taking up room. Yeah. Ben, it's important to cut it up so no one steals your countdown identity. Exactly. It's rid of it. It's just taking up room in you. Ben, it's important to cut it up so no one steals your countdown identity. Exactly. It's vitally important.

That is today's sub-sex. Homies, listen up. Now, apparently, now this is a study that was conducted in South Korea. Have you guys been to South Korea? No. No, neither. Multiple times. Shut your mouth. Multiple times. I'm a spy. You can't say that. I would go to South Korea? No. No, neither. Multiple times. Shut your mouth.

Multiple times. I'm a spy. You can't say that. I would go to North Korea because it would be fascinating. I would be so on edge, though, because I have such a big mouth and no filter. I just would get in prison and that's it. You also don't have one of the five Kim Jong-un haircuts. Pink hair.

Is bald one of the haircuts? Surely. Surely it has to be. It surely has to be. Because I'm not doing any of the other silly ones. Bald approved haircuts in North Korea. Because yeah. And the side.

I think they've got just sides, like grow out sides. Did you enjoy that song, did you? I still like that song. All these plays later. No, I'm just looking at all these posters. There's no, like, bald dudes. Get out. Which is wild, right?

Maybe they execute them. Maybe they execute them. You've got to head down south or get executed. Or get a neat little wig. Maybe you get a Kim Jong-un wig. Oh, you like slosh it on, eh? High sides. Well, from South Korea a Kim Jong-un wig. Oh, you like slosh it on, eh? Yeah. High sides. Well, from South Korea, they did a study looking, they got

all these married couples together and surveyed them about their hair length and quality and their perceived sexuality and health of their sex life and their attractiveness to each other. What they took from this is that women with long hair are getting

more sexy times because still long hair is intrinsically linked to femininity and that people found women with longer hair to be more attractive and they're more sexually desirable

and they're having more lovely times. Than the women with short hair. Women with shorter hair. This is South Korea, so there'll be a mixture of haircuts, I imagine, rather than the approved South Korean women's ones, which, oh God, they're awful.

Sorry, the North Korean approved women's haircuts. However, good news for you guys, male hair, be it short, bald, long, choppy, chippy, blonde, dark, whatever, no correlation to sexual frequency. What would, if your wife, if she shaved her head or had a short haircut. What if she had a real short cut? She'd look cute with a bob.

Would it save me money? I'm on board. I'll just do it at home. I'll just shave my hair. I wasn't going down the money saving route. I was. I was. I was. How you'd find it attractive. I was. Okay. So you're saying in order to save money,

you would be happy for Sade to shave off her really desirable long, thick hair. Yes. And you would still manage to find her attractive. You saw how hot Natalie Portman looked in V for Vendetta. Demi Moore and G.I. Jane. I'm not going to say Jada Payne Smith.

I don't want my face slapped. You can get my wife's name out your mouth. When women shave their head, when they're an attractive woman and they shave their head, they're more attractive. Oh, definitely. Yeah. I mean, you know. That's what I'm worried

about though if she shaves her head it's going to be me and the lesbians just. That's what I mean. I'm going to fight them off. Hey get off her.

Get off her. You know I love a woman with a boy a share car. I'm not going to be able to leave her unattended. Yeah. I'll come back and it'll

just be like you know when you leave food outside it just gets covered in flies. Now I'm not saying lesbians are flies. No. But I'm just saying.

You're just saying they move quickly, don't they? We. You've included yourself. Why, just jump right into the other side. They swarm. They swarm like bees to honey. You'd go to work and come back

and some of the lesbians would have moved in with your wife. Oh! That's how quickly they move. Yeah, they would. They moved in, they'd be dropped down on one knee. They'd be a lesbian hive.

Yeah. That tree hut of yours. Would just be full of lesbians. You might have to expand it for all the lesbians swarming your house. I mean, I don't hate it. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I'd be around more often. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Hayley's Horny Book Club. Oh, gosh. Okay. No. This. Good Lord. Okay, listen.

Stay with me here. Welcome back to Hayley's Horny Book Club, where we talk all things smut, erotica, and whatnot. Now... For those that don't know, erotica reading is everybody's reading it. Everyone's, all the ladies

are reading the most jazzed up books and it's everywhere on TikTok, on Facebook. I started my own book club if you want to join. It's called

Hayley's Horny Book Club on Facebook and we've been a bit quiet for a while because I've been researching for my show, Wild Flutters and the Comedy Festival.

Don't buy tickets for that yet. Come to Fletchford and Hayley Live in Auckland. Then you can come and see me once you know that I'm a delight to watch. Now, as part of this, I'm talking a little bit about the world of smart, and I have been looking for different avenues of smart. Now, there's mafia smart. There's fantasy, fairy kind of realm, Dungeons and Dragons

almost-esque smart. And as I was looking, this book kept on coming up as one of the most highly reviewed, highly recommended books. And I was like, what the hell

is Morning Glory Milking Farm? Now, Okay. And I was like, what the hell is Morning Glory Milking Farm? Now. Okay. I would like to share with you. Now, this book is one of the. Morning Glory, colon, Milking Farm, Morning Glory, comma, Milking Farm, or just Morning Glory Milking Farm. Just Morning Glory Milking Farm. Okay.

It's described as a monster bait romance. I beg your pardon? The cover Oh my god Which I'm showing the boys now Look at the cover It's a minotaur It is a minotaur who has the body of a very large muscular man

But the head of a highland cow Like a bull Yeah, big bull And the woman looks like a sort of lustful, busty maiden. And this is one of the top read books in the world. Okay, so I was like. I'm sorry, I will not be judged ever again by a woman. No, no, no, no.

For ever saying Jessica Rabbit was hot. I know. Or any, or the nurse from Pokemon. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Officer Jenny and the nurse and the ones, and Team Rocket. I was always like, that chassis is hot. And people were like, ah, creepy. What a creep.

You're reading books about bull men? I thought, now look, I haven't read this, but I just wanted to bring it to light because it is so well reviewed. Yeah. And this went huge on TikTok. It is on everyone's YouTube reviews, TikTok reviews, online reviews. Here's a review from Reddit. This book has no right to be this good.

Now, I thought we were reading it as a silly ha-ha-ha. It's a cow. She's shagging a cow. It's half man, half bull. Half man, half bull. People were like, no, I cow. You know, she's shagging a cow. It's half man, half bull. Half man, half bull. People were like, no, I know, I know. Listen, listen. It's so good.

So I tried to look for an excerpt to share with the group, which I'm going to send to our private group chat now because it is unreadable on air. Vaughn, you just looked over my shoulder and had a read of the excerpt. It's horrible. This is coming into the group chat now because it is unreadable on here. Vaughn, you just looked over my shoulder and had a read of the excerpt. It's horrible. This is coming into the group chat now but just before you read that, here is a sort of

synopsis to get you into this amazingly reviewed book. Violet is a typical down-on-her-luck millennial, mid-twenties, over-educated, drowning in debt on the verge of moving into her parents' basement. Recognizable character. When a lifeline appears in the form of Oh, no. Oh, no. Of course.

I'm going to take both hands. Offers full-time hours, full benefits and generous pay with no experience needed, only one catch. The clientele is a grade A certified prime beef with the manly, meaty endowments to match. Milking minotaurs isn't something Violet ever considered as a career option. I want that. Seriously, what is wrong with you guys? She is determined to turn the opportunity

into a reversal of fortune when a stern, deep-voiced client begins to specially request her for his milking sessions, maintaining her professionalism and keeping him out of her dreams as easy as said than done. Wait, is this what your Dan does on the farm, eh? He hooks the machines up for the cows and then Fonterra... To female cows, he milks them for milk.

Yeah, and then Fonterra... Then you have it in your coffee and on your porridge. Fonterra truck pulls up. Minotaurs are bulls. Of which the milking... So where's all that going? To the supermarket. No, it'd be like milking a bull.

Oh, where's my screenshot? It's milking a bull. Has it come through? Oh, my thing has been funny. I've retreated to my safe place where I'm Googling what the AC of Minotaur is in a game of Dungeons and Dragons because I don't like how they've been sexualised here.

This book has gone viral on TikTok. There you go. There's an excerpt for you to read, Fletch, just to finish things up. Don't read it out loud, but I would like to just hear your reaction. You can read the first couple of sentences. In my head, I'm reading this. Morning Glory Milking Farm. She should have let go.

This is an excerpt from the book. She should have let go. No, no, stop, stop. Violet knew that. No, no, stop, stop. Told herself she ought to do so immediately, but she was hypnotised by the way his... That's not even like... Who's reading this and finding this? This is...

So, this is your Hayley's Morning Book Club. I seriously think they need to be in prison. I want to report them to the SPCA. Upon researching this to share it with you, this is written by C.M.Nascosta. Now, that is not a real name. Well, you're not putting your real name on this. This monster avenue is a whole category in this world

that I was not aware of. So, that is your... When you say this is like big on... Do they have like a number? Like how many people have read this? Well, on this website alone it has 30,000 ratings. It's goodreads.com, which often reviews books. It has 30,000

ratings on it. And what's it given the rating out of? Is it five? It's out of five and this is a four out of five. And the words that people say are just like, this was sweet, lovely, surprising, funny and super hot.

I'm worried now that people are going to get into the game of Dungeons & Dragons with unrealistic expectations. Yeah, nah. They're going to be like, and you've come across a Minotaur, and the women are like, tell me more about him. Tell me more about him. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Well, researchers at the University of London have tracked 5,000 Brits with an app called Drink Less. I'm unsure if this is available in New Zealand, but there are a ton of these apps, similar apps, where they basically, like MyFitnessPal, they log your consumption. I've got one. The one I've got is called Reframe. Okay. And it is, it can vary because sometimes like if you're like me and you're like, I don't want to not drink or like give up drinking altogether, it just helps you like go like, what are you drinking?

And it actually helps you see it and gives you little games and information and stuff. Right. Because this also, this app tracks their hangovers. And then your mood from your hangover. And then that kind of, I guess, makes people like kind of. Put two and two together of like, I consistently feel anxious on Sundays. Yeah. So after six months, so this study was quite a long one.

After six months, the studies app users had reduced their intake by 39 units. Wow. From what they would normally drink. And it was women that seemed to benefit the most. Yeah. I think it's probably quite good because I think you don't realise probably how much you're having to drink. Even during the week when you're like, oh, I had a couple,

and then you're like, yeah, but to the brim. When you add it up, yeah, it can be confronting. So what's that one called? Drink less. Yeah. I'm sure it's in New Zealand, though, because this is out of the UK. Let me have a quick look on the app store because I've got it open. Okay.

Could you just log it as a water? Well, see, that's the other thing you've got to be honest with yourself on. Well, this is the problem. I'm not drinking during the week. It's like my fitness pal, you know? Yeah. You could say you had an orange. You're only cheating yourself on me.

You could say you had an orange when it was just a chocolate orange. Yeah. I can't see that one specifically you're talking about. The one I talked about Reframes there But there's definitely Heaps of them Unboozle Drinkers helper

Clarity drink less Drinkers helper That's what I call my kids When I'm like Go get that Go make your dad A nice whiskey You got small fingers

So make it a Four finger pour Okay I have something to share And then I have an update. And you don't even have to wait for the update. Sometimes you've got to wait for updates. Update immediately. A woman on Reddit came in and I guess had a qualm.

She said, hi, I'm from Australia. Oh, you get it, I'm from Australia. Probably. Yeah. I've lived internationally, Europe, USA, Asia, and I've always been able

to figure out the flirting style of every culture I have lived in except Aotearoa. Okay. And she said, I'm asking for flirting advice

because I do not know how to read Kiwi men honestly WTF. She said, for context, because everyone's like, what are you, some kind of dog?

That's why you're not being fit or hot. That's such a New Zealand thing to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, calm down. You're probably just fuggy. She says, for context, I'm a 30-year-old female, attractive enough to have spent my 20s in every other country being

hit on with solid consistency. Okay, so she's a... No, she's an eight or a nine then, or a 10. Yeah, it's a global eight or nine. She's too hot. She could be too hot. She's too hot to flirt with. Maybe.

Sorry, just blowing my nose. Yeah, no, that's not hot, so you're not getting flirted with either. Just try and do that during the songs. Can't help when it's going to start to run. Is this flirting? Sorry, but sniffly boys. She says, I come to New Zealand

and absolutely nada. Men don't even make eye contact here. How am I supposed to know if there is a potential situation happening? If they're keen or not? Are Kiwi men bad at flirting? I know you've been off the market for a long time.

Hey, shut your mouth. No, I'm not. I know you're contemplating an affair. Are Kiwi men bad at flirting? Like, I know you've been off the market for a long time, Hayley Sproul. Hey, shut your mouth. No, I'm not. I know you're contemplating an affair. Can we mean bad at flirting? Producers, girlies, what do we think? Yeah. Yes. Oh, my God, yes.

So what, does this woman have points in? What are they bad at? Yeah, I would always, when I was single, I would approach the guys in a club. Like, it was often you would just go up to them and then once you kind of initiated, like, I would approach the guys in a club. Like it was often you would just go up to them and then once you kind of initiated like I would be keen, then there would be some sort of game, but not as much like strolling up to you.

I've definitely had some hot flirts with Kiwi men, for sure. I mean, I'm talking years ago. I think the accent ruins it a bit too, even though I have the same accent. Hello. Yeah. Hello. Yeah. Hello. I think when we imagine like someone being hot and sensual and talking in a nice way, it's not us.

Yeah. So she said, as part of the update, here's some language that was sort of explained to her. She was like, all right, massive input. Thank you, everyone. She said, you know, you've got to take the sort of piss-take humour into account. She said, these are some following tips. The sup knob with the eyebrows, which you both just saw at me earlier, can honestly mean, do you want to get down to Funky Town?

Do you want to like? Don't do that. Don't do that. Do you want to get down? She's like, I didn't know that. I thought it was just like, hey, how you going? But it could be like, what's up? There is an eyebrows raised frown and head tilt

that can also indicate interest. Now, my eyebrows for some reason this morning aren't moving as much as I would want, for example. Really? Jesus. You want out? You need to be checked for botulism. I just woke up and was like, they're not moving today.

Okay. Must be something natural. Most men will assume women are just being friendly. So being really direct with them, the woman that I'm wanting you is key. Okay. In a conversation, she's learned, I should repeatedly compliment a guy and make multiple statements that yes, I am interested in him. Yes, I would like to beep.

Yes, there will probably be then there will be a light bulb moment across his face when he gets in and is like, oh. Is this what we're like? Is it? Eye contact is not a thing used in courting in this country. Yeah.

I feel like also, I don't know, I'm recently single. The guys just need a lot of reassurance. Like, they're like, are you sure? Are you sure? We've been told not to be presumptuous. We've been told to just back off. We've been told to not come in hot. Yeah, but if I've come up to you, it's pretty, you know what I mean?

Sounds like a double standard to me. Yeah. I don't know. I reckon let's like a double standard to me. Yeah. I don't know. I reckon let's get some messages and calls in about this. Like, are Kiwis that bad at flirting? Well, I would love to hear from, like, maybe women that have lived overseas and have them come back. Maybe you've done your OE.

Yeah. And what did you notice? Or have you moved to New Zealand? Yeah. And what have you found? And just in general from females, like how bad are Kiwi guys at flirting? What is your experience of men flirting with you in New Zealand? If you're international or yeah, like you say, if you're a Kiwi that's gone overseas

and been like, I mean, I remember being in Turkey and a man yelling at me that he'd give my mum two camels for me. I mean, that was pretty bloody overt. In Turkey? Yeah. How would you get the camels home me. I mean, that was pretty bloody overt. In Turkey? Yeah. How would you get the camels home? Did you think about it? I don't know.

Yeah. You would have had to stay in Turkey. But the message was clear. This man's into me. Yeah. He wants to take me from my mother. In New Zealand, you just get like a little eyebrow raise. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you wouldn't think anything. No camels. But no camels. But no camels. No camels. Okay, 0800,ALS at Amazon number. Text her as well. 9696.

I find this so fascinating. Yeah. I want to hear from you this morning. Your experiences of New Zealand men and their flirting. Is it good? Is it bad? How do we stack up against the rest of the world? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. A well-travelled Australian who has been in Aotearoa says that New Zealand men are terrible at flirting. Now, you guys gave it a red hot go. It was a terrible... Me before. It's a terrible... I'll say I don't want to go there.

You know? It's just a little eyebrow lift, wasn't it? A little eyebrow lift and Fletch saying sup with a funny mouth. So we want to know from you, like, what is your experience of these Kiwis flirting? Are you from overseas and you've come here and been like, what is this? Well, maybe you just went overseas and you experienced... Real flirting. Real flirting.

And you were like, oh, that's how it happens. Anonymous, how bad are Kiwis at flirting? Oh, is that me? Yes, yes. Hello, Anonymous. Oh bad are Kiwis at flirting? Oh, is that me? Yes, yes. Hello, Anonymous. Oh, hi. Hi. Well, actually, just this past weekend,

me and my beautiful Kiwi man went over to Aussie, and we were doing some shopping and went into Cotton On, and I'm, like, over there looking at the juices. He's over looking at some little tops for his daughter. Yep. And I hear him start bellowing, and I recounted this to him, and he's like, I don't bellow, and I was like, well, normally it's reserved for me, but okay. And I look over, and there's a woman there, and I thought, oh yeah, failed assistant,

she said something funny, he's being polite, you know, she's clearly not that funny. And he's holding up the little tops against her, and I'm thinking, hmm, okay, I wouldn't want to get one tit in there, but okay. And I'm thinking, wow, she's super, super helpful. And then I look again, and I'm like, oh, my God, she's got a handbag on. And I was like, she's not the sales assistant. She's fully trying to make a move on my mess.

Oh, my God, she's just a random person. She's just a random. And I was just like, oh, my God, do I go over? Do I get in amongst that? I don't know. I just sort of keep watching. I just watched from afar and watched the interaction. And I tell you what, he did not make eye contact with her once.

Oh my God. He had no idea she was flirting with him. She thought he was just, she was just being helpful. Oh. So when you met your man, how did the, how did you kind of get together? Did he flirt with you? No, it was all me. But then he got drunk and peed. I'm not surprised.

We've only been talking to you for about a minute. I'm not surprised it was all you. She's got good share. Full noise. You like to take control. Okay. to take Some homemade You like to take control Okay Anonymous thank you Are some messages in?

Apparently no We're not good We don't flirt In New Zealand Due to the calibre of woman Available for thought That's food for thought That's a man

That's messaged in Now that's not my opinion Right I think we're a beautiful Nation of beauties Yeah yeah You see quite a few Vaughan Smith 10s,

don't you? Everywhere I look, baby. Older are you? I can pick them out now, I have the real Vaughan Smith 10 radar. It's a very simple equation.

Equation. Yeah. Yeah, it is. The Venn diagram of where are they from and Vaughan Smith 10s is almost entirely one circle.

Yeah. Where do you reckon that person's from? Yeah.ughan Smith tends this almost entirely one circle. Yeah. Where do you reckon that person's from? Yeah. What's their ethnic make? 100%. Yeah. I'm a 20,

here we go. Now they've gone, I want to say this Kiwi male has really gone out on a limb here. Okay. I'm a 22 year old

attractive male. Calm down, mate. Muscular, brackets, 17 inch biceps. Now I've never measured my attractive male. Calm down, mate. Muscular, brackets, 17-inch biceps. Now, I've never measured my biceps. Who is... I don't have my tape measure here.

I would have little biceps, I reckon. You don't have your tape measure here. No, no, no, because it's on my car keys. Okay. You've got good biceps. When you measure the biceps, do you measure all the fat that's hanging on the bottom too? Because mine are huge. Am I allowed to push that out a bit? Yeah. A few extra centimetres. Okay, so I don't the fat that's hanging on the bottom too? Because mine are huge. Am I allowed to push that out a bit?

Yeah. A few extra centimetres. Okay, so I don't know if that's... That sounds big. Because it wasn't like the 22-inch pythons. That was Hulk Hogan's massive arms, right? Was it? Okay, so this guy's got guns.

He's got guns. I'm going to need to see a photo. I'm a 22-year-old attractive man. I've got the phone number here. I do believe we can begin investigations. I'm going to call him. Okay, carry on. My 22-year-old attractive male, muscular,

bracket 17-inch biceps. Okay. And the awkwardness is true, but it is in part to the treatment of girls who, if we make eye contact, it's this contest of who can break it first and act uninterested. There are cases where I'm actively treated poorly

by a fellow hottie. It's a hard, hot life. It's hard being hot. Yeah. I mean, you're preaching to the choir. Yeah, you know how hard. All of it. Oh, my God, it's so hard.

It's a hard, hot life for us. It's a hard, hot life for us. We've got 17-inch biceps. Okay, so. And we just want to have some sex. It's a hard, hard life. So is he saying that women are just as bad? Yeah.

I think it's a Kiwi thing, not just a Kiwi men thing. Someone said flirt. Men don't even know what that means. They just stand and stare at you if they're interested. Hey, at least you know. I mean, yeah, at least you know. I'm not originally a Kiwi and I've lived in other countries and can honestly say I rate Kiwis in every way

except their flirting department. Okay. Kiwi manager's not great at it. Do you think it's that classic, like, Kiwi, male, like, yeah, mate, how's it going? Yeah, good. Like, it's just all shut off? Like, everything's behind a closed door? And we don't want to be, like, we don't want to try and going? Yeah, good. Like, it's just all shut off. Like, everything's behind a closed door.

And we don't want to be like, we don't want to try and fail. Yeah. Like, because that would be embarrassing. Yeah. I'm a Kiwi in my early 40s. I've lived in Canada, UK, and backpacked through all of Europe, Asia, and South America. Back in New Zealand, it's true. Kiwi men just don't know how to date or flirt.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Right. Well, can they follow up with some tips? Maybe. Maybe. Well someone said, is this a good review here? I've lived all over the world and the best pick up line I've ever seen was in New Zealand. Oh, what was

the pick up line? It was a full bar and we were doing the awkward, excuse me, slide past everyone when this guy says to my friend, hey you just spilled your drink on me. She replied, no I didn't. I don't even have a drink. To which he replied, oh, well, do you want one? Yeah, okay. Okay.

I lived in Brazil for three and a half years. Wait, if they weren't hot and they said that, though, would you? I'd be like, no, yuck. Back off, you pig. I'd probably still want a drink. Yeah, but I'd watch my ass. He probably wouldn't offer me a drink, though, would he? Yeah.

I lived in Brazil for three and a half years And I can tell you some That's Spanish Oh I'm not Portuguese What do they say I haven't done Portuguese on Duolingo You've barely done Spanish You've barely done Spanish

Excuse me I am nearly fluent Say something it's flirt with me in Spanish Say something it's flirt with me in Spanish Si papi what does that mean Yes daddy Trust me, I am nearly fluent. Say something. It's flirt with me in Spanish. Enjoyly Spanish. Si, papi. What does that mean? Yes, daddy. Yes, daddy.

Yes, yeah. Sim, papa. Sim, papa. Sim, papa is Portuguese. Okay. Yes, daddy. All right, we'll carry on. So they lived in Brazil for three and a half years.

Sim, papa. And I can tell you some Kiwi guys I've encountered, I'm not saying they represent all guys, are very confusing. I don't know whether they want to date or what, whereas the guys in Brazil I came across were just really straightforward. They fancied you, they'd approach you, and I was like, huh? Not used to it. Yeah, wow. But that's also, you've got to be hot to pull that off,

because otherwise it comes across as creepy and too confident. Yeah. You know, like, yeah, some guys are like, hello, my darling, would you like to accompany me to a dinner where I might procure us a couple of beverages to start things off? No, thank you. Absolutely not. The state of Kiwi means flirting was a large contributing factor to my marriage to a woman. Okay. We're so bad we're making them gay? Oh, come on, guys.

Yeah. I love Kiwi flirting because it's that sarcastic humour. Overseas, they don't get me. And they thought I was being rude. Kiwi men are where it's at. See, they're meeting Kiwi men on the Kiwi men battlefield. Yeah. Someone said I'm late 30s and they definitely never initiate, especially if we're out

It's all lads, lads, lads Yeah, because Saturday is for The boys The boys So if you had a cheeky flirt at the bar They'll just totally disappear Back into the pack Guy here

I realise how bad I was At understanding signals and flirting When it took a girl in the club To take my phone Add her Snapchat And directly message me on there Asking if I was interested and he's like

I would never have thought about it wow it's so bizarre we're all going to get out there and have a flirt flirting is so much fun and if we take anything

from this what do guys need to do then get out there be more for it I guess yeah be bolder and then if they

deny you just say oh no joking Joking You're totally ugly You wish Didn't even want to anyway You wish

Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley I believe Was it Producer Shannon Dropped some tea Into the group chat yesterday Saying

I don't know what this is about But this feels like A good cup of tea And it was about Rebel Wilson, who has a memoir that has been delayed due to some legal issues. And reading about it, apparently there's one chapter dedicated to an actor

that she worked with who she called an a-hole, right? Yep. She called him a massive a-hole. Not even a small one. Big one. Massive. And apparently that actor had begun legal pursuits to stop

that chapter being printed. And then yesterday, straight up on social media, she says like, I'm basically sick of this. I'm calling it out. The actor, I will not be bullied or silenced. These are her words. I will not be bullied or silenced by high-priced lawyers

or PR crisis managers. The, quote, a-hole that I am talking about in one chapter of my book is Sasha Baron Cohen. No, just straight out. Very nice. Very nice. I like very nice my wife. So they worked

together on a terrible film called The Brothers Grimsby in 2016. And that is I think the time that she obviously didn't have a very good time. And called him this. And the time that she obviously didn't have a very good time. Yeah. And called him this. And the story that has been portrayed here is that he's caught wind of it.

Yep. And has got big shot money lawyers in to shut it down. Also his wife's Australian too, so that's a little awkward. I'm a fisher, I know. When they catch up at the Australian barbecue. Yeah. They, like, when you see interviews of Sacha Baron Cohen not being his characters, he's

a very serious, smart man. Very smart, dude. Very smart man. And not the kind of person you would imagine would get, like, if you were putting your friends together, you wouldn't say, I'm going to put those two together at a dinner party because. He's not super warm.

He doesn't radiate warmth, but like, I don't know. He's not a known dickhead to work with. So he has issued a statement as of two hours ago. Oh, okay. So they,

the statement says, and they're gone, this has been written by a lawyer. Okay. While we appreciate the importance of speaking out, these demonstrably false claims are directly contradicted

by extensive detailed evidence, including contemporaneous documents, film footage, and eyewitness accounts from those present before, during, and after the production of the Brothers Grimsby. So basically, in layman's terms, BS and we've got proof. Contemporaneous means existing, occurring, or beginning during the same time. So what, just like all the footage of the movie?

Yeah. That was rolling. Must have been, behind the scenes and stuff. what, just like all the footage of the movie? Yeah. That was rolling. Must have been, behind the scenes and stuff. Yeah, but how do you prove that you weren't a dick? I don't know. Well, maybe what she's accusing him of. The specifics, maybe. She might be saying, oh, I did nothing. I did nothing.

And then there might be footage of her being like, oh, do you bore it? Do you bore it? Do you think that's how it started? She said, do your Borat. Do your Borat. Do your Borat. Why don't you shut up and do Borat, mate? Why don't you do Ali G for us all?

Yeah. Boom, bop, ta. Oh, yeah, wow, hey, whoa, yeah. She then had deleted, she's deleted one of her Instagrams saying, now the a-hole is trying to threaten me. He's hired a crisis PR manager and lawyers. He's trying to stop press coming out about my new book. So she's basically saying he's trying to crush the book

and stop people from buying it and whatnot. Well, it's certainly probably going to have the opposite effect now, isn't it? Now, this is a radio show in Australia. I've heard of Keeley and Jackie O. Yep, that's it. Yep, yep. Keeley and Jackie O.

She once said that the actor, who at the time was anonymous, when they worked with him, she said he was outrageous. But what does she mean by outrageous? Every single day he's like, Rebel, can you just go naked in this scene? And I'm like, no. She said, oh, yeah, they had the mutual agent. She just said that he was a nightmare to work with. Right.

Which I imagine if he's in character, which he is the whole time he films, it would be annoying. But anyway, that's the latest tea with Rebel and Sasha. Stay tuned. That sounds like a good radio show too. Rebel and Sasha. The latest tea with Rebel and Sasha. Do you. That sounds like a good radio show too. Ribble and Sasha. The latest tea with Ribble and Sasha. Do you know what sounds like a good radio show?

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. ZM. Okay, 18 minutes away from eight. Next on the show. Next on the Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley show. It's almost like you were trying to convince yourself that it was a good idea to work in radio. It is a good show, eh? You said it with to work in radio. It is a good show, eh? You said it with a grin of teeth.

It's a good show, eh? Next on the show, I want to play a game with you guys. It's a deserted island game. Okay. I'm not sleeping with anybody. I'm walking into the ocean. I'm not sleeping with you after you flirted with me. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Excuse me. What? You just said, it's hot in here. And I said, yeah, I'm hot. And you said, stop writing yourself. That was rude. I was talking about temperature. You led me down into a trap.

I am keeping you grounded. Wow. You need it. I'm keeping you grounded. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay, look, this popped up on my Instagram this morning

and I want to play this game with you because you know when you do the game, like three things on a stranded island, what are you taking? And you panic. Oh, you're stranded on the island. It's not a stranded island. No, the island's stranded in this one.

The island's stranded. And I'm one of the things it picked. Why did it drag me into this? Why did you bring me here, you stupid island? The island's like, okay, so imagine you're a stranded island. What are you taking? And the island's like, Vaughn Smith.

You've never heard of him. And all of a sudden I'm there and I'm like, why are so imagine you're a stranded island. What are you taking? And the island's like, Vaughan Smith. You've never heard of him. And all of a sudden I'm there and I'm like, why are you dragging into this? No, you're on a deserted island and you can choose four of the following things. Now I've seen the little infograph because this is all about survival and Vaughan, I thought that you would enjoy playing this.

Is one of the things dessert? Because I would find that very funny. On a deserted island with dessert. Actual survivalist. Can I take my apartment? No. Also, it's weird that we say desert. Yep.

But we don't say deserted island. We say dessert. Oh, yeah. And deserted island, even though it's only got one S and it's a desert. God, I feel for people learning the English language. It's a tough language. It's so cocked. Two, two, two.

There, there, there. Okay. Your options are flashlight, phone, toilet paper, knife, rope, tent, mirror, flashing rod. Flashing rod. Flashing rod. I flash my rod, but if I'm the only one on the island, is it really flashing? Axe, whistle, pot, insect repellent, first aid kit, compass,

flare gun, hiking boots, matchbox, bottle, boat, sunscreen. And you're allowed four. You're allowed four. Because this is what caught my interest was like, oh, these are things that will actually help you survive. Whereas I'm always like, crate of Prosecco. Adult fun toy and Wi-Fi. And you're like, oh, God, Hayley.

So you were just talking about going to Fiji for a weekend there. Is that an option for my deserted island? Well, boats out for me. I'm not sailing to safety. Because I'm not trying, I'm definitely not, I don't have the ability to sail for safety. But then the boat could get you to, you know, safety off the island. No, no, no.

Because they've stopped looking for you. I'm not getting in a boat, my dude. I'm on the island. Now, Shannon's just playing along as well. She's gone boat fishing rod first aid. You can choose another one, by the way. It's four. Because if you get in the boat.

First aid kit. If you can get in the boat. I reckon if I get a headache, I'm done. But then you can fish without a boat. Yeah. Fish without a boat. You're wasting a boat. You get in a boat, you're going to get overturned.

And then you're going to get scraped on the coral. And then you're going to need a fishing rod. Yeah. Phone's gone. Toilet paper's useless. Go on, get rid of it. No oneped on the coral, and then you're going to need a fishing rod. Yeah, phone's gone. Toilet paper's useless. Go on, get rid of it. No one's on the island with me. I'm happy to have a poopy butt.

I would go hiking boots because you're going to need to explore the island and to hunt. I could do that in Birkenstocks. But I'm imagining you're stranded in bare feet. I'm in bare feet, yeah. Tent's good. I'm not taking a compass. Who cares? I'll work out what way north is by the sun.

Okay, I'm going to go matchbox 20. Don't run out. Magnifying glass is a better option. I'm going to go matchbox 20. I'm not crazy. I'm just... I'm going to the island. I've got matchbox 20s.

I've got a flare gun. I'm going to go tent. And I'll go axe, not knife, because you can use the axe as a knife. Exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, same. Exactly what I was thinking. Re-ax.

Ax, flare gun. And then the flare gun can also start a fire if you need it to. No, no, you're not going to save that. You're going to save that to alert people that you're down there. I imagine there's heaps of bullets, though. Will a flare gun start a fire? Yes. Maybe I'll do Matchbox

I'll replace Matchbox 20 for hiking boots. Because yeah, if you've got to explore this island and you've got your bare little feet. But you need your matches to light the fire. If you flare gun you're going to get one flare. Guys, there's a mirror. That lights a fire. I do not want to see what I look like. That's what I thought. It's not a magnifying glass, it's a

mirror. Yeah, a mirror starts a fire as well. How are you going to start a fire with a mirror? Reflect the sun into the kindling. But no, you've got to magnify it into the kindling. Yeah, no. If you reflected the sun, it would just bounce back into the air. No, it'll start a fire. Mirrors start fires.

Do they? Yeah, 100%. Do you really? You're on a deserted island and you want to see what you look like? I'll have a full muster. What if I get a pimple? I'm going to be able to squeeze it on the island.

You're not going to be able to see it. It's going to be great. Don't worry about it. It would have to be a very specific sort of mirror to start up. Matches are the best option

because you've got a few goes in there. Yeah, I suppose so. Okay. Axe, matches, tent. You know what? I'm not against a pot because a pot would be great

for boiling the water and making it safe to drink No you could form a pot Out of a coconut shell You can't make a pot Out of a coconut shell It's going to catch on fire Your face is going to catch on fire

Only if I'm looking In Fletcher's mirror At the right time of day Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little po Silly little po

It is so silly Silly silly That, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Well, it's going to be a quick silly little pole today because we're out of time. It's silly little pole. Should you have to explain to your boss, were you taking a day off? 17% of people said yes. 83% of people said no way. Ali said a day off is a day off. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. Plus, sometimes I just book a day off? 17% of people said yes. 83% of people said no way. Ali said a day off is a day off. It doesn't matter what I'm doing.

Plus, sometimes I just book a day off to do absolutely nothing. Dan says, as someone who gets these messages, it definitely depends on the person. The people who take the mickey, I do want to know why they're having a day off. If you write a novel about how much sputum you have produced in the last hour, I don't. Lisa says, you shouldn't, but I always do.

Grumpy? Because it was not grumpy Lisa. I went to school with this Lisa, actually. She used to be Lisa Webber, and now she's Lisa Quigley. Lisa says you shouldn't, but I always do, because it was drilled into me that you only have a day off if you're dying. This is a Morrinsville thing. That's how they raised us in Morrinsville.

Thank you. The Morrinsville mentality. If you're taking two days off, they need a death certificate. Chelsea says yes, because we will anyway with our anxiety taking over. I can't lie, so I end up word vomiting every detail as to why I'm having a death certificate. Chelsea says, yes, because we will anyway with our anxiety taking over. I can't lie, so I end up word vomiting every detail as to why I'm having a day off. Yvette says, nonetheless, it's three consecutive days, and then I'll tell them because they need to know. Brittany says, because it's none of their goddamn business.

I don't ask my boss why he was away, lol, or took a long lunch break, lol, but if they ask, I tell them the most embarrassing thing that makes them feel bad for ever having asked me. Georgia says, only if you've exceeded your contracted number of sick days. And Alicia says, as a manager, no, I don't tell anybody. That is still perving Jeremy Wells. Jeremy Wells is just giving me a little wave, and I'm giving him a friendly wave back.

That is his second trip out there this morning. I think he's got a problem. Play ZM's Fletch for the nightly. Play ZM. Hang on. I wish I'd never restarted my computer. It's asking for all of my passwords. This is what it's going to say.

It's going to forget your cards, your passwords, everything. You're stuffed. Now, that's the impossible phone. And Fletch literally just said to us, I don't know if we should do this. It's a bit mean. Matt's saying something. That's safe. Because he's the impossible phone. And Fletch literally just said to us, I don't know if we should do this. It's a bit mean. Matt's saying something. That's safe.

Because he's the meanest person I know. He is literally the cruelest man I've ever met. He is a cruel, mean man. He's a meanie. Okay, here's the issue, right? There is a gentleman who has shared online that his wife had cosmetic surgery, as she is wont to do.

My body, my face. Does her forehead move as well? I don't know why mine's not today. You don't she is wont to do. My body, my face. Does her forehead move as well? I don't know why it's not today. You don't need foreheads to move. Yeah. I don't know why. It's so weird. Because I can never tell if you're shocked or not.

I'm pretty angry right now. Can't tell. Do you know, yesterday, I really wanted Aaron to pick up on the fact that I was a little bit miffed, and he can't anymore. Because you're squinting and it just looks like maybe the glare is a bit too much for you. Yeah, I know. Your forehead does look so great, though. Watch this, watch this.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I can see everything. Yeah, good lines there on you. Look at those lines. That looks like when the ocean comes in and makes those ripples in the sand. Yeah, and it pulls back out. That's what your forehead looks like when the ocean comes in and makes those ripples in the sand. Yeah, and it pulls back out. That's what your forehead looks like. Anyway, his problem is she had this cosmetic surgery to do whatever she wanted to her face.

And afterwards he was like, oh, I no longer find you attractive. He's like, I turn off all the lights. I can't even really look at her. She's like totally not my type anymore. This isn't just like a few jabs of Botox. This is cosmetic surgery. Full like facial. Yeah. She did a lot. Which you can kind of, because some people go too far, don't they?

Absolutely. And he said it's totally impacted their sex life. He's just not attracted to her anymore. We've discussed it like I want to, but she had that. Did she go full Jar Jar Binks? She did that fat sucking out of the cheeks. A few celebs did it for a while.

Okay. And you suck out all the roundness, which is what I thought we wanted. I like a round cheek. Yeah, and then it hollows out the cheeks. You couldn't do it because you've got your cute button nose. And if you lost your cute cheeks. I'm not tango. Why tango with perfection? He said she looks weird now.

Fat sucked out of her face, lip fillers, neck lift, other stuff I don't really get. He said, it was not my place to say anything in the first place. I understand that, but I am just no longer attracted to her. The impossible phone-er today. And it can be anonymous as well.

Now I see what it seems to mean. Are you not attracted to your partner? Now maybe over time it's just changed, you know? Yeah. And, you know, bodies change. We get older. And you're, like, stuck together. Like, this sounds like the 1950s or something.

Yeah, it does. Or the 60s. You just stay together until you die. Yeah, absolutely. Or maybe there's another reason for it. That is the impossible phone of today. Are you not attracted to your partner? Maybe they went down the surgery route.

Yeah, maybe. And you're like, nah. What if you lost them, like, mentally? What do you mean? You know, like, you became two very different people. You got to get the young and then, like, mid-20s. Yeah, we could go beyond physical attraction. Maybe they, well, they go down a, like, they go politically. Yeah, we could go beyond physical attraction. Maybe they... Well, they go down a...

Like, they go politically... Yeah, that's what I'm saying, but all right. Yeah. What about people that change their body so much, like, they might lose heaps of weight and you don't find that attractive? Totally.

Oh, you're like a bit of chubby fuck. Yeah, you're a chubby fuck. You're like a little bit of a cushion for the cushion. I guess there's loads of reasons. She's gone to Shredsville. Okay, well, there would be loads of reasons, I guess. So let's see. Is it impossible?

You will obviously have to text it anonymously because... We're not going to call you out. Because you can't... Like, this is your current partner. They could be listening. See, I don't think people are going to admit to this. Well, we'll just see. That's why it's called the impossible phone number.

0800 DALZITM is the number. This could be the first time the impossible phone and topic doesn't work. 0800 dial ZM is the number. You can text through 9696. Are you not attracted to your partner? Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. All right, the impossible phone-in topic.

Okay, are you not attracted to your partner? Because there is a man who shared online that his wife got major cosmetic surgery and afterwards he was just like, that's not what I'm into. What you made yourself is not what I'm into. Attractive-wise. Do you know I get that?

Because some people just don't stop. So... I don't know what you're talking about. It's a meme, mister. Judge up your science. That's the same place I've always had. Why are your eyes not opening? You've got so much filler in your cheeks.

Now, I tell you what. Not impossible. No. We have many a message. Now, we do have an anonymous caller. Good morning, anonymous. Morning. Good morning.

Now, this is... Good morning. Good morning. I like you putting on your own voice disguiser. Yes, good morning. We need to get that investigative journalism voice disguiser. We should get one of those. Now, anonymous, what happened?

What's your story? So I met my partner about 12 years ago. Yeah. And back when I first started seeing him around, he had very long dreadlocks. Okay. Like very Heath Ledger, beginning of Knight's Tale vibe. Yeah, right.

I'm with you now And I was all about it I was all about that That rugged You know Wait a minute Can I just run a quick Background check here

12 years ago 2012 Long dreadlocks Was he white? Is he white? Yes he was That was even a bit late To be totally honest

I thought by then We were like Yeah but we'd all seen bomb funk MCs and we all got very excited. Bomb funk MCs were another 12 years before that 12 years. But please, carry on. Anonymous. He had dreadlocks. And then we started dating and everything was fine

and then he, three years into our relationship, he decided on a whim to cut them off. And so what? He just looked really clean cut. No, he didn't. Why? What did he look like without the dreads? Well, because he didn't go and get it done.

He didn't go and get them cut off properly. He got my mother to cut them off with the scissors and then shave his head off. And so you were like, I am now all of a sudden not attracted to you. Like I loved him. We were three years in. Yep. And like we'd just bought our first house.

I was kind of stuck a little. Yep. He'd just hung up on his Bob Marley flag. Yeah. His curtains. It just took me a while to adjust to the fact that they were gone. Right. And then, so you've obviously, you got back that attraction.

Oh, yeah. We've got two kids now, so there had to be something there. Got to be something there to get it gone. But there was a really big dip in attractive levels. You were like, no. Without the dreads, was he still going to the hacky sack? I don't think he ever had one. Oh, what?

They go hand in hand. I thought they did. I like the admission of it, though, that, like, it wanes because there's some people that say that, like, it kind of comes in and out for them and they go through these moments of being like, oh, I'm not into it anymore. Oh, it comes back.

But isn't that just a lot of relationships as well? That's monogamy. Yeah, no, it came back and But isn't that just a lot of relationships as well? That's monogamy. Yeah, no, it came back and now that I've, you know, after I expressed my hurt that he cut off his dread, he makes more of an effort with his hair.

Right. What's he currently rocking for a hairdo? He's kind of rocking like a pitiful fade. A fade, okay. But then also gave our one-year-old son a mullet. Oh, my goodness.

They all have mullets. Every boy at my girl's school has a mullet. Yeah. When are we bringing back spiky hair? Frosted tip next. It's next. It's got to be next. The spike front and the frosted tip.

Anonymous, thank you so much for opening up to us this morning. So many messages. Somebody said I was at the start with my German partner. My German partner is very hot. But when we first got together, he only had a tiny sense of humor. And as he gets older, the humor is disappearing to almost nothing. So it's a personality unattractiveness rather than he's still very good looking. That's a

stereotypical thing to say Germans don't have a sense of humour. Yeah, they're quite straightforward. I have a German friend who's very funny and it was surprising. I was like because you believe the stereotype. Yeah. What kind of jokes do they tell? People are... Well, I can't say more than that.

I've got a cracker about the 30s. No, you don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. Not around here, you don't, buddy. Do you know what? People are really opening up to us. I love this.

I mean, there's a few people messaging in about like post-baby stuff. And like, you know, that's hard, but. My wife told me, this isn't mine. My wife told me mid last year that she wasn't currently finding me attractive. I hit the gym hard and got my teeth fixed. I got action this morning, so I've totally turned it around. Yeah, but what if he goes too far

and then she's the one that's lacking? Yeah. And imagine she says to him, I'm not finding you attractive. He puts in all this work and then he would dare say it back to her. I've put in all, I'm just wondering when I'm going to see

some reciprocated effort. Someone messaged saying, I've always found my partner attractive until I had a baby and he disappointed me in a few ways and I lost my physical attraction to him as a result. So his behaviour made you go like, I can no longer see.

She says, I can tell he's handsome, but it's just like a removal now because of his behaviour. How do you fix that then? She says she's working on forgiving the disappointment and hoping that that would, I'm just saying she, I don't know, but... Yeah.

My husband isn't sexually attracted to me anymore because I've gained weight through COVID. Currently pregnant, it's the hardest thing ever. Yeah. What you gonna do? So he wasn't attracted to you because you put on weight and he's like, I know what'll solve this. As someone who's put on 20 kgs in the last couple of years,

what I recommend is really jiggling your bits for them. Getting jiggled, get a little bits jigg your bits for them. Aaron's always loved my physique, but when I started getting jigglier, I get jiggy with it a bit more and he learns to love it. Now he's real into it. I had a boyfriend once and I just wanted to establish, I'm not against tattoos at all, but he got an entire back

tattoo of a Japanese koi carp. An invasive species. An invasive species. It was weird and he wanted to be... He wanted to do it shirtless all the time so it was like looking at a pond. Looking at a pond. My boyfriend got all his pubes lasered off

and I hate it. What? That's a discussion. I've never heard of guys getting pubes lasering. I suppose if you were really, really hairy, maybe you would. Yeah, but there's no going back, is there? Oh, look, here's one. You know I love a beard.

I'm definitely no longer attracted to my partner's face at the moment. He shaved off his sexy facial hair. Now he looks pale, thin-lipped and weird. Very much attracted to his body, though. That's why if you shave your beard, the lips have to do a lot of heavy lifting, as does the jawline. And if they're not ready to pick it up, it's going to fall body though. That's why Vaughan's nodding. That's why Vaughan. If you shave your beard, the lips have to do a lot of heavy lifting as does the jawline

and if they're not ready to pick it up, it's going to fall straight off. We had some amazing messages. Thank you for opening up. That was actually quite nice. It was very juicy.

Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day. It's Mythical Creature Week here at Fact of the Day. We're having a look at some of the facts about myths. What's happened there? He just had a look on his face. Three day water.

It's got a bit of a tang to it. I probably should have just got fresh water. He doesn't rinse it out. He just puts it in the locker after work. Ah. Earthy. It's been sitting in there a little bit. Yeah.

You don't drink that much water at work. I'm going through a litre a day. He's used to gross water. A litre during the show, baby. Yeah. That's why I'm wheezing every quarter hour. You are wheezing. On the quarter hour.

Well, today's, actually, this is a nice tie-in. Yeah. Today's fact of the day about mythical creatures and urban legends comes to us from Japan. Arigato. Gazaymas. Gazaymas. Teacher?

I don't know. Anyway, move away from that. The interior of not knowing. Karage chicken. Is Akanami. Is what? Akanami. Okay.

Akanami is an urban legend mythical creature in Japan that does nothing except sneak into your house at night and lick the dirty parts of your bathroom. So if you don't want the mythical monster coming in and licking your bathroom, you've got to keep it clean. So that's the basic. It was apparently drawn from sort of a want for cleanliness because it was linked early in Japan that if it wasn't clean, chances are there was going to be disease and disease

would spread very quickly during these sorts of things. So it was the idea to keep it as tidy as possible. So it lives in old bath houses and deliberated buildings. It would sneak into places at night when people are asleep and using its long tongue, it would lick the filth

and grime sticking to bath places and bathtubs. It does nothing other than lick filth. But right, given bath places and bathtubs. It does nothing other than lick filth. But right, given that it was considered very unsettling to encounter, people would work harder to make their baths and their bathtubs and their bath places clean so that the Akaname wouldn't come at night. Right. Yeah.

And linked into popular culture, if you're familiar with Pokemon, Lickitung, which is a Pokemon with a very long tongue. Lickitung. Lickitung. And it can only say its own long tongue. Lickitung. Lickitung. And it can only say its own name, so it goes like, Lickitung! And it's got a big, long, licky tongue. And that's the... That is partially based on the Akaname of Japanese legend. Feels like there'd be

a Hayley's Horny Book Club about that. I was thinking that as well. That's a book in waiting. Yeah. So, to describe its look, it's goblin-esque in appearance, but it has a long, licky tongue and only one toe. Ew. Did it lose the other toes in a freak accident?

Its foot goes to a point. With one toe. And it's got one toe and toenail on the end of it. Ew, yum. Like the witches from Roald Dahl. They had those pointy toes, didn't they? Long, pointy toes, didn't they? Long pointy toes. So today's Fact of the Day in Urban Legends slash mythological creature week.

And thanks to Anthony for sending this in, by the way. Yeah, thank you. Also, wait, you didn't do this work. Anthony sent this in to me. Anthony did it. Yeah, so I took the nod off. Is it Fletch, Anthony and Hayley now? Yeah.

In this moment. It's Anthony's Fact of the Day with Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Okay. Lovely. Featuring Anthony. Yeah, great. And his facts. Today's Fact of the Day is that if you don't want Akanami to come visiting at night,

you must clean your bath. Do well. Fact of the Day, Day, day, day, day. Yeah. Quick recap if you weren't with us yesterday morning, and if you weren't, where were you? We're here every morning. Six till nine, Monday to Friday.

Saturdays, we're also here. I mean, where were you? If you weren't, I did mention that yesterday, finally, three months late, I was getting my warrant of fitness on my Mazda, the car that I just don't like. I've never spiritually connected with it, but it's fine. And my big issue was that I hadn't emptied the boot which contained two

massive click clacks of household goods clothing whatnot for like the sally's or the i think i ended up going to the spca one because okay charity i didn't want to i don't want to talk about my charity work but i did quite a bit of it okay and like at least three or four bags of other clothes all All good stuff. No junk. This is a store, like an op shop. An op shop, right? It was all ready to be donated.

But we talked yesterday, and the girls acknowledged as well, that you can't just drop it all off to one place. So I've been drip feeding it across the city. I don't get what's embarrassing about. Because it's embarrassing. No, because I thought about it more, and it's like, you've got so much. Is that it?

Extra stuff, I guess. You're like, look at all the stuff I've got. And they're like, oh, we deal with people who don't have a lot of resource to get stuff. They come to us for stuff. So you feel like wasteful? And a time of need. And so maybe there's a little bit of guilt.

And you've got an abundance. Yeah, and also the thing of like, I don't know, you feel like you're just dumping it all on them and they've got to sort it out. And some of it's better than, you know. Have you ever been to a place where they kind of go through it as you drop it off? Well.

That's not fun. Vaughn. All my fears came true yesterday. Now I was, the situation in the boot was so bad, I almost called the mechanic and was like, let's just keep delaying. Like I've survived three months without paying a fine for this thing. Like who cares? We'll just delay it.

But I was like, no, no, no, no. Keep driving and there is an op shop on the left. Just opposite, basically opposite where I get my waft done. And I was like, right, I'm going to pull up. And I emptied the boot. I was shoving things and bags. The two click clacks out, I put them on the ground, like closed up

my car, organised the stuff I wanted to keep, put it in the boot. The car looks nice, by the way. Okay, yeah. And I started bringing it in. I said, are you guys taking donations? She said, yeah. Oh. Why? What have you got?

And I was like, oh God, I really needed to just ditch and run. And I said, oh look, it's a mixture of things some household stuff some plates some glasses because you should have done that thing they absolutely hate

is you just dump it on their front doorstep before they open with an old soggy mattress and some junk yeah exactly that drives me nuts when I see people

have done that or fly just fly tippings just yeah so then she was like oh okay so what have you

and she was sort of looking and being like oh okay she's seeing these click clacks and she's also seeing me look out the door and she was like, oh, okay. So what have you, and she was sort of looking and being like, oh, okay, she's seeing these click clacks. And she's also seeing me look out the door and she's like, have you got more? And I was like, all my fears that I voiced yesterday came true. I've got too much stuff. And I should have kept on driving to other op shops in the area

and drip fed it. But I didn't. I was like, you know what? You're right, guys. Like you and aid packages at the back of the plane. You know, you push one out, give it a beat. You get some. Push another one out, give it a beat.

And I said, oh, yeah, I do. Okay, well, what's in the other stuff that you've got? Oh, there's, like, a duvet. What kind of duvet? Oh, like a quilt. I'm able to look at it. I was like, why did I bring it in? I had nachos and I spilled it all over the duvet.

Still a bit of cheese on there. So I'm standing there and now with my like, you know, four loads of stuff. Four? I know. And it was mortifying. She went through it all. She did the thing.

Yeah. She did. She was like, okay, let's have a look. And was like pulling up the clothes. Did she give any back to you? Any time I looked at things, I was like, country right? Country right? Yeah.

She was like, yeah. And look right? She was like, yeah. And there was one dress that I'd bought for a photo shoot, never used. It's not my style. I was like, brand new. Brand new with tags. She was like, yeah, I see that. Yeah, yeah. Going through it. What's this? I said, oh, that's a... She doesn't sound friendly at all.

I was like, that's a fan. It cools down your barbecue. It kind of blows air around your barbecue and stuff. I said, we don't use that. She's like, I can't take that. I was like, all right. Wait a minute, tell me more about this fan that cools down your barbecue. Yeah, it's coming your way, my friend.

Yeah. It's back in the boot, I'm imagining. She was sort of looking, like, it was so vulnerable. Herk's kind of looking at my old plates, looking for chips. Your old plates? What are you doing? Well, we got new plates. Yeah, okay.

And they're good plates. They're Anko. They're beautiful Danish plates, you know? Okay, Anko. There's no chips or anything. I was just like, oh my God. Anko's as Danish as I am. Yeah.

Poor Z. Anyway, it was all my nightmares come true and I could feel myself blushing and just wanting to get the hell out of there. So how much did she give you back? The fan. And that's it? And that was it.

Oh, wow. In the bottom she said, what's that? And it was a candle. And it's an expensive brand, but I knew it was half. And I was like, I don't know why the hell that got in there. I said, oh, not that, that's junk. She said, not that, that's junk. No, I said, not that, that's junk.

Right. Don't use the J word I was straight up so judged for the amount of stuff I had Anyway the good feeling was turning up for my WAF and not having to I still had to take four bags of stuff I was keeping for Aaron to pick me up But I dropped off my car It got its WAF Yay

I know the guy even called me and said hey you haven't had a service for a while. Let's do that. I said, oh, I don't have money. And he was like, nah, it's a pretty good car. And he called my car pretty good. And I was like, dude, open up the middle console. There's like melted chocolate and pistachio shells in there. Like this is not a good car.

He means from a mechanical standpoint. Mechanical standpoint, the Mazda. He said, look, I wouldn't be rushing out to buy a new car. And I was like, not a 1971 convertible Mercedes. And he said, absolutely not. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I'm just buying some shares over here, guys. Don't worry about me.

It's all on the up and up. I don't know how it is. I think I did. You do your little sharesies every week, don't you? Some smart shares. No, I always forget. And then it's real fun and you log on and it's like, you've got $200 ready to invest.

Right. I'm like, let's do it. And then just buy more of what I've already bought. I don't know if that's what you should be doing. One third of Gen Z look to TikTok.

Finfluences. Of course. It should be Finfluences because it's finance. Yeah, but that doesn't rhyme with influence. But no, that's good. At least they're getting

financial advice from somewhere. We're just saying that I didn't think about or know about how money works or investment works. I say it like I've arrived at some kind of understanding. But you still don't. I don't know about it.

The best I did was Girls That Invest with the New Zealand podcast and book. Yeah. Read that. They turned on you because you fronted girl math and they said it was derogatory. Oh, they did too. Oh, God.

Good one. Oh, God. And they've been giving me bad financial advice since. They've been like, hey, Hayley, invest in this. No, they haven't. No, they haven't at all. But, you know, like I was, like a young woman was never informed about money.

But I know like a lot of people love like what they've been doing with their book and podcast. Yeah, totally. And they do Instagram as well girls that invest um and there's who is there's another girl that you put me on to she drink she dresses really eccentric and has like pink lipstick and pink frilly dresses but then talks about like oh that was the girl that explained it she was explaining it using pop culture terms you remember her wait Wait, the one on TikTok? Yeah.

Yeah, what is her name? Pink something. Yeah, she was very good with it. She was just great at getting you to understand how things work. Yeah, and she does it in a really girly, fun way, but kind of makes you understand things. I grew up terrified of the share market because when I was five and my parents were like late 20s,

the share market crash happened. That's right. And they had friends who were their age who had invested a little bit. My parents had sunk everything they had into farming. Yeah. So they didn't have money to play with. Yeah. But they had friends that lost like in the 80s, like a young family's lost like $10,000.

And like it was real bad. So we grew up like it was a no guy. And it's kind of why New Zealand's property heavy, eh? Like, we're all like, you know, that's what a lot of people do now. The aim is to get a second property. Yeah. You know, your mum and dad are investors,

which normally overseas they wouldn't do. And it is a little bit cooked. Yeah. That's not the greatest way. But then the shares, people were terrified of them. Nikita Dump Truck. That was the girl who does, like, layman's terms stuff. Nikita Dump Truck. That was the girl who does layman's terms stuff. Nikita Dump Truck.

Yeah, she was great. Producer Shannon, as our resident Gen Z at the social media desk, you're all over the... And snack desk. And snack desk. You're all over the financial advice on TikTok. Yeah, it's actually been quite helpful. I found a few girls and they're very transparent about their salary

and how they spend it. So they'll say, here's how much comes in per week. Here's exactly how much I save, how much I spend, what my utilities look like. And that's been quite helpful because, you know, there's a lot of, you know, you don't share your salary with people and it's quite scary. I'm 24 now.

Am I meant to have savings? How much should I have? What is my net worth? It's a little more transparent that kind of stuff yeah like girls being like super honest whereas like you still you've got to differentiate between that and like the slimy people who are like here I invested a thousand dollars in bitcoin and here's how you can do it and message me this and I'll message you a link I'm like you're trying to make money from me yeah you're not giving free advice these girls are very much just kind of

creating a community and if you find someone like I found someone who earns about the same as me, it has kind of set me up with a, oh, here's a realistic amount in savings. Then I'm not just going to throw it there. Do they live in New Zealand with our expensive? Oh, okay, good. They'll share their job title, where in Auckland they live. I've found girls who are very much like myself and kind of emulated off them.

And it's great. I'm sort of not against, because you know when we've shared stories about Gen Z's getting their news from TikTok and they're getting this from TikTok, I'm a bit like, I don't know about that. But this makes sense if there's something that you can relate to

and it kind of puts it into simple terms for you. Why not? So how rich has this woman made you? Not very. I'm still in the learning phase. Okay, if you had to rate, review or marry Fletch, Vaughn or

Hayley, what one would it be? Okay, I would marry Hayley. I would have sex. Wait, which one is it? No, no, no, no. It's only rate, review, marry. Oh, okay. No comment.

If they have sex with the podcast, I don't know how that would work. Give us a sexy little review, though. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.