ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 26th March, 2025

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

23 and me shutting down Pedro and Jennifer dating? Top 6 Jobs for 90 year olds Vaughan's daughter drew a meal SLP - Do you exercise on holiday What teacher will you always remember Iliza Shlesinger Vaughan bees again How much kiwi's have in their kiwisaver BICGYMN Should Hayley say something about comedy fest sign? Fact of the Day How bad was the hookups house?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Flesh, Fawn and Hayley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse, the biggest brands at the lowest prices. ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Thanks Bryn. Good morning, welcome to the show Flesh Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks, Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Good morning. Good morning.

We've got the top six coming up. Yeah, top six jobs for over 90s. Do you know these people in New Zealand who are over 90 who still have a job? My nan's 91. Yeah. That's a good inning. She'll be 91 in May. Yeah.

Okay. But she's not working eh? Nah And I've always thought She's amazing for 90 Yeah But working? No

A whole bunch of stats Because you know The retirement age is 65 But so many more people Are working over 65 Winston Peters About to turn 80 Jesus

Oh get it out Get it out Oh no That's like America All their politicians So old 80. Jesus. Oh, get it out. Get it out. Oh no. That's like America. All their politicians are so old. We watched Joe Biden. Mind you, if you were young, why would you get into it? Jacinda did. We should call Chloe and ask her. We should

get Chloe into the studio and ask her. Why get into it when you're so young? Just so you can pervert her. Well, just then also ask her. Excuse me. Political brain. The top six jobs for 90-year-olds coming up for over 90s. We'll have a look at what they could possibly be doing. Also, we'll ask some celebrity news in the last 24 hours. I really hope.

Look, it's celebrity gossip, okay? Let's not title it news because I hope this turns into something. Like, I really hope there's a celebrity couple sighting and they're downplaying it, but if this is real, I'm like, oh yeah. Next though, big news.

If you've spat in a tube and sent it away to 23andMe, we're Ancestry.com DNAers, aren't we? We are. But yeah, 23andMe, apparently bankrupt. I was thinking about doing a

23andMe just hoping to find something that's not white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, if I spit in another company's tube. Come on, tell me I'm something other than Celtic, please. The latest next. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. 23andMe, it's one of these DNA

companies. You spit in a tube, you send it off in the mail, you pay the fee. And then it'll break down your ancestry, your DNA. I think more Americans use 23andMe. Very popular over there. Whereas Ancestry.com, which we use, is a lot more Australians and New Zealanders use that. Well, they have filed for bankruptcy.

What? You read about them all the time. That surprises me. Yeah. Where did they go wrong? Unsure. They were using like crystal for the test tubes they sent you. They were using really nice crystal.

Very fine crystal. They should have just used a plastic tube. Just used plastic like everyone else. Yeah. Well, they have tested more than 15 million people's genetic makeup using the saliva kits. Where'd their money go? I don't know. This article doesn't break down where they went wrong, but it's more about what happens now.

This is the thing that they were like, do you know how dangerous it is to be spitting in a tube and sending it to just some company on the internet? Yeah. So that's the thing is that if they sell this to, they could sell it to any company and they will have your DNA. Yeah, I... Well, I can understand that. They'll clone me, sex me. Oh, 100%. I can see why they would want that.

It'll just be sex stuff. Out of all the 15 million samples, it'll be your sample that they use. Yeah, same. Well, apparently... They'll have to put into the system perfect women's body. Yeah. Obviously, Hayley Sproul from New Zealand. Hayley Sproul from New Zealand.

We'll just duplicate that. So, apparently, if you do have a 23andMe account and you're worried about this, you can log in and ask for your data to be deleted. You can download it as well before you delete it. And you can also separately ask for your sample to be deleted.

Because apparently, when you sign up, you give permission for them to keep them. Oh, I didn't know that. And also... I thought we was done with it once they tell me I'm a little bit Hawaiian. Do you think there's an Ancestry.com warehouse in Ireland? For a spit?

Yeah. Because it was in Ireland, eh? We sent it off to Dublin. Yeah, it was. And so, yeah, it's open. Any company could buy this, including the founder that started 23andMe. She's tried to buy it back a few times.

But also, I didn't know that they had a tie-in with GSK, the pharmaceutical company. Glasgow SmithKline. They were using the genetic data. Well, they were using the data to design new drugs. Okay. What ones? Fun ones?

Yeah, your fun ones, good ones? Fun drugs, serious drugs. Ones that make you feel like, hey. Hey. I don't know all the drugs. Oh, God. But yeah. And I'm sure that we signed away with Ancestry.com as well.

And I'm sure we all read it. Absolutely not. The contract that we were signing. Absolutely not. No, we all signed it wanting to know how brown we are. Let's be honest. Uh-huh. We will hope when you look exactly like your father

and your attitude is exactly like your mother, which is exactly like her mother and her mother's mother before her. Exactly. And you are undoubtedly connected to these people genetically. Yes. You're hoping to find a blip on the family record. You're hoping to find a Native American in there. Yeah.

It's like, God there you could only dream an African person that the wife ran away from the house I just wanted to find a little a little Maori some of the horrendous things I heard my grandparents and their parents say you know it would have been nice

well one Maori kissed a member of my one Maori kissed a member of my family. Someone kissed a Maori. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. This honestly would be like one of the most exciting celebrity couples if this happened. Two of the hottest in Hollywood, I reckon.

Jennifer Aniston, who, you know, collectively as a globe, I think we've always wanted her to find the one. Yeah. You know? And Pedro Pascal. How good is that? I'm so excited for Last of Us. Me too, but apparently he's not in it as much.

Huh? Apparently he's not in it as much. Pedro. Then ask questions if you don't want answers. Don't know. I don't want answers. Don't know. I don't want answers. So he's a busy boy, though. He is.

He's a busy boy. He is in everything. He is literally this year, hold on, because he's got Fantastic Four coming out soon. The Mandalorian and Grogu movie he's doing. The Last of Us. Avengers. He's, you know, already pinned to be in that. The guy is busy.

He's the hot thing. Gladiator 2, Wild Robot, these are what he's done this year. It's just insane. The guy's so lovable. The guy is so lovable. But I was watching an interview with him about going the significant change from when he just did Game of Thrones and everyone was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, he's done lots of stuff before that. Everyone was like, oh, yeah, we know who he is, to now where he's like full celeb can't walk down the street. That movie, he's done lots of stuff before that. Everyone was like, oh yeah, we know who he is. To now where he's like full celeb can't walk down the street. That movie that he did with Nicolas Cage. Dude, The Unbearable. Oh my God, that is so. So good.

They're both incredible in that. It's so good. You've got to love an actor that can do drama and comedy just as well as each other. Yeah, he can. He's so funny. And now what, he's dating Jennifer Anderson? Well, they were spotted grabbing dinner, little romance rumours,

and getting kind of a little bit like close, up close, but no kissing yet, out in Hollywood. And obviously the paps, they papped the paps. And he has come out and said, we're friends and we went to dinner with some mutual friends. That's it. That's what we do.

Like, that's it. Yeah, okay. But you would say that, wouldn't you? Do you know what I mean? You would say that. If you were Jennifer Aniston, you'd want... You'd want that. You'd want that.

You'd want... Everybody wants Pedro Pascal. Even Warren wants him and he's straight. Yeah. Also, Pedro Pascal wants Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston's hot and talented and great and amazing and funny and kind and lovely. And they're both those things.

And now I just really want this romance to work. Yeah. Have you seen this movie that he's in, the next one, The Materialists, with Dakota Johnson and Chris Evans? No. A matchmaker's lucrative business is complicated when she falls in love in a toxic love triangle that threatens her clients. I saw the trailer. So she's going to choose between Chris Evans and Pedro Pascal. And she sleeps 14 hours a day.

Yeah. Yeah. So that filming schedule must have blown Pascal. And she sleeps 14 hours a day. Yeah. Yeah. So that filming schedule must have blown out. A nightmare. Trying to accommodate her. You would pick Pedro Pascal over Chris Evans. A thousand times. Yeah.

Because Pedro's got a little bit of like gruff. Yeah. Chris Evans is too clean for me. He's chilly puppy. Puppy. Pedro puppy. Have you ever seen him when he's on a red carpet and he gets anxious and he has to like hold.

Put his hand on his. Or he puts his hand on and he gets anxious and he has to like hold... Put his hand on his... Or he puts his hand on his... Yeah, or he has to hold somebody's hand and he said it's just that physical contact relaxes him. But like people are always like, oh, he's got a hot sauce on. So he's like, no, I'm just horrendous anxiety. Oh, I've just got to say, yeah, anxiety's never been hotter than it is on Pedro Pascal. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From your local community Facebook page, this is The Top Six.

Hi. Apparently, 1,257 people over 90 reported that they're working in the census. Okay. It's not old mates saying they're working on their backyard. Tinkering. No, it doesn't break down their roles. However, it does suggest that some might be business owners. So they just own a business, so they draw a wage. So technicallyering. No. It doesn't break down their roles. However, it does suggest that some might be business

owners. So they just own a business so they draw a wage so technically they're working. Working in a volunteer capacity or in roles like managing or driving. Oh, like those old people at the airport. Yes. That are always like, bankers down there, love. See, I love

that. Like, if you were capable of it and it brought you joy and like community. 100%. Absolutely. Get out of the house. Keeps you interacting with people, keeps the brain going. Gets you on your feet. For me, couldn't agree more. I want to be on a yacht. I don't know how I don't

have a financial plan to make that happen. Do you know what I mean? But that's the dream. But that's where I'll be at 90 with some like 45 yearold man. Your Honour. You're going to have billions of dollars for that to happen. Yeah, I will, but I don't have a plan. This 45-year-old man, when you're 90,

is still 10 years away from being born now. Oh, yuck. Okay, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, too much. I know, you've got to put these things into perspective. Okay, a nice 67-year-old. Okay, yeah, while you're 90. Yeah, yeah, no, no, too much. I know, you've got to put these things into perspective. Okay, a nice 67-year-old. Okay, yeah, while you're 90. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why not? Again, you're going to have to have billions. This is like an episode of White Lotus in Thailand. Yeah, that would be me. I've got the top six jobs for over 90s. Because, you know, keep working. Number six on the list, muffin testers. Oh, yeah.

Only a little wee bit at a time. Oh, yeah, they'll have a tiny bit and then put the rest back in the fridge. I might take that home for later. That'll do the day. Yeah, yeah, that's dinner and dessert right there. But they'll test your muffins and tell them, and they'll be brutally honest if they're good or not. Yeah.

That's kind of how they roll. Well, you've done too much. Yeah. You know? Simple. Keep it simple, stupid. Number five on the list of the top six jobs for people over 90. They work at the gym.

They basically sit by the door and when you leave, they tell you you probably need to stay for a little bit longer and they kind of imply that you're fat. Oh, like motivation. Oh, yes. Oh, honey, I don't know if I'd be wearing those shorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you going?

Leaving so soon? Get back in there, chumps. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, imagine it. Oh, God, chumps. Yeah. Yeah. Only got to imagine it. Oh, goodness, mate. Well, aren't you brave for being here? Scan in, love.

Come on. Yep, scan in. Oh, it says here you haven't scanned in for a week, and it shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number four on the list of the top six jobs for people over 90, making the perfect cup of tea and knowing exactly what biscuit to pair it with when you're a little bit sad. Yeah, the pairings are important.

Very important pairings. It'd be nice in a workplace, wouldn't it? If you came in and you're like, I'm not really feeling that good and a tea tree comes on. Yeah. Before she hits you with the,

you've really got nothing to be sad about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you know. I was in a war. Yeah, exactly. Whatever you're going through isn't as bad as

whatever they went through. We'll be in a war soon, Deidre, don't worry. Yeah, don't worry, Deidre. We'll get our way back. Number three on the list of the top six jobs for people over 90 are working on Neighbourhood Watch and letting you know they saw a brown person.

Yeah, that was my husband. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you've met him before. It's just summer. He just hands up. Oh, he's quite... No, he was quite dark.

Yeah. Yeah. Maori, is he? Maori? No, he was quite dark. Yeah. Yeah. Maori, is he? Maori? No, no. Not a Maori. Not a Maori, no. No.

Looked Maori. Looked it. Number two on the list of the top six jobs for people over 90. When you go to the supermarket and you're worried about spending too much money, they walk around with you and tell you you don't need that. You don't need that. Yeah. Chippies.

Also feels like another fat-shaping opportunity. That's what they do. You certainly don't need that. Because you just don't see a fat over 90-year-old, do you? No, it's because they're wasting away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the skinny ones survive and they sort of like hang in there a little bit longer.

Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six jobs for people over 90, telling you exactly what's happening on TV, even though you're watching it too. My dad's not 90, but already shocking at this. Jeez, he's going, bloody hell, he's driving that car fast. Yeah.

He's going to crash. Yep, he's crashed there. She's coming there, hasn't she? What's she doing? What's she picking that up for? Yeah, he's got a gun now. And, oh, my gosh, that gun's shooting some bullets. It's like closed caption.

Yeah. I see it, Dad. Yeah, Dad, we're watching the same movie. That is today's Stop Sucks. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Play ZM's

Fleshborn and Hayley. Last night at the dinner table, a family conversation about, you know, what happened at school today and stuff. And, you know, we've got parent teachers. Oh, forced talking. Gosh.

We just put on the news and watch the news at dinner. Oh, we have the news on sometimes. I don't know if you guys know, it's all bad news. Yeah, it's not great. I haven't watched for a few years. It's all bad. I tell you what, it's not got better. Okay.

It's not got better. Maybe next season will be better. We will mute that and talk. And one of the chats, because we've got parent-teacher interviews this afternoon. I know the first of high school. Well, you shut up, but Indy's quite a good student, I think. Oh, right.

We're about to find out. And I said, I said, what happened and stuff at school today and what happened in what classes and what classes did you have? And Indy said, we had health, which I think is like PE, but not the running around PE. We always just did running around PE, but I think now they teach you other stuff about your body. Oh. Yeah. Health for us was all like,

don't have sex or you'll get AIDS and pregnant. And you'll be like, okay. Good to know. It'll ruin you. Yeah. And that's why you've abstained. Completely. Yeah. Not even gotten near. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why you've abstained. Completely. Yeah.

Not even gotten near it. Still a virgin. Still a virgin. Yeah. Wow. And that's how I plan on remaining because I don't want, you know. You don't want AIDS or to die and burn in hell. Yeah. Correct.

Everyone should be pregnant. Yeah. Exactly. And that's what happens. So yesterday apparently in health they had to talk about like meals And like That's good that they're teaching this kind of stuff And it's like you know a good meal Is half vegetables

Quarter protein Quarter carbohydrates Any gut health talk in here? Where's the gut health? I guess your kimchi would fall under your vegetable half Where's the lollies? That's my bigger question Where's your alcohol? Well I don't like's the lollies? That's my bigger question. Where's your alcohol?

Well, I don't like to put lollies on my plate with my meal. Oh, right. I do pudding and dinner at the same time. Sort of a big mullied situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the teacher said, I want you to think about a typical healthy meal you have at home that fits this criteria.

Yep. And Indy drew, now you'll remember it was supposed to be half vegetables. Yep. She drew three carrot sticks and then the half one that was, again, I'll reiterate, supposed to be vegetables. She put mac and cheese. There's your carrots.

And then chicken nuggets. Oh, no. And the teacher's like, what do we got going on here? I don't know if she got chosen to be the example or not. But I love a typical healthy meal at your household. And to be honest, like, my children have the opportunity to eat very well because I like food. Yeah.

So we don't, you know, that would be an option. You're always eating vegetables. 100%. You would never make a dinner that's mac and cheese, chicken nuggets. I would because I don't like mac and cheese. Yeah. Unless it's pulled pork mac and cheese. Yum. And, you know, we're not muscling around dinner that's mac and cheese chicken nuggets. I would because I don't like mac and cheese. Yeah. Unless it's pulled pork mac and cheese.

Yum. And, you know, we're not mussing around with our pulled pork mac and cheese. We're not mussing. We've got so many cheeses in there. It's a whole situation. At least four. But I said to India, I was like, of all the meals, the night before we'd had chicken drumsticks and potatoes and a big salad. I was like, that fits exactly.

And she's like, I don't know. And I was like, what did the teacher say? And she said she laughed. And I was like, we're about to have she's like, I don't know. And I was like, what did the teacher say? And she said she laughed. And I was like, we're about to have our children take it off. Oh, God. In her defense, though, she was asked to draw. And to me, a chicken nugget's easy to draw. Very easy to draw.

Carrot sticks are very easy to draw. And then, like, mac and cheese is just elbows and maybe just a big pile of mash. That's what I said. How did you draw the mac and cheese? And she said, I drew like moons, half moons, and then like she was basically describing how you draw macaroni elbows. She's smart there because she's drawn,

she's taken the easiest thing to draw, but it's not reflecting well. You've got cucumbers, you've got little seeds, tomatoes, lettuce, frill. Chicken drumstick would have been easy to draw. Potatoes, super easy to draw. They're circles. I would have done would have been easy to draw. Potatoes, super easy to draw. They're circles. I would have done fish fingers. Easy to draw. Easy to draw. Yeah, but you would need the texture. If you're going to give it the full texture

situation. I was like, what did everybody else draw? And she's like, oh, they drew, you know, salads and vegetables. Stir fries and roasts. She's the unintentionally funny child, and August is just sitting there like roasting it. And I was just like, it's good, it's good.

But anyway, I don't know. We've got parentage interviews, so I guess we're going to hear about the mac and cheese debacle. I was like, you drew mac and cheese in the salad part. Yeah. Because that was the bottom of the meal. I know. I was like, but she told you it had to be the vegetable part.

Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole today is do you exercise on holiday? And the reason we ask this is we've read a news article that it's a great time to start exercising apparently because then the brain develops a habit during a

happier time. Right. So you equate it, you sort of link it with a good memory. Yeah, yeah. It's hard, though. It's nice if you're staying at a hotel or maybe you've got a cruise ship with a gym. Not that I've ever been on a cruise ship.

But that would make it easier. I tell you what, I'm holidaying somewhere in summer in Aotearoa, New Zealand, and I specifically bring up Mount Maunganui. Yeah. It's got a lovely boardwalk beautiful for a run you can get around the mount and I tell you what

yeah you go around the mount go up the mount go down the mount go along the boardwalk you can run all the way down to the Marine Parade Ocean Beach Road and I tell you what

it's good looking people to also spend time with have a good gawk but also I suppose if you were like a serious weightlifter and you were going on a long holiday you want to get your gains slipping so you were Like a serious weight lifter And you were going On a long holiday

You want to Get your gains slipping So you'd find a gym And you know That's the reason we gym Is it makes us feel good That's right You still want to be

Feeling good on holiday I do it on holiday To be holier than thou When my family When I get back And my family are only Just getting out of bed And I'm like

Oh just getting out of bed Are we? I've already done my exercise Yeah that is a nice feeling Big dad energy on holiday Rubbing everybody's faces that they've wasted half the day. Also, if you're exploring a city,

you're going to be walking a lot. So you're doing enough. You're burning. Yeah. Do you exercise on holiday? 62% of people said no. 38% of people said yes. Put your feet up.

Jay says, my favourite way of seeing a new place is running through it. It'll also give me a bit of solo time away from whoever I'm travelling with. I don't know what the bigger drawcard is. Well, they want some time. They're not enjoying who they're travelling with.

Well, sometimes it's a bit much after a while. Yeah. Need some space. Let off some steam. Christy said, because I don't exercise well, I'm not on holiday. So why would I start when I was on holiday? That's fair, Christy. Fair, fair.

Hannah wants to know if walking to the next pub counts as exercise. Yep, there's steps. I think so. Get your steps in. Tony Anna said, probably more so than when I'm not on holiday because of all the walking and just being active and trying to make the most of my day. Kirstie, I said yes, I'd go for a daily exercise walk.

That way you can explore while exercising, but I'd never do a gym workout on holiday. That's ooh. That is ooh can explore while exercising, but I'd never do a gym workout on holiday. That's ooh. I have done that. Yeah. But if you're away, like we go away for four weeks at the end of the year sometimes. Well, hold on. Please rephrase. Fletch goes away for four weeks at the end of the year. I'm at home for

three out of those four weeks of the year. If I'm lucky. You chose this. You chose this one. That's all I'm saying. You chose this life. I chose this life. When I went to Vegas, the hotel gym pool access was an additional cost that I paid for without realising, so I made sure to get my goddamn money worth, said Vicky. Yeah, that's fair. If you're paying for it, you've got to make the most of it.

Otherwise, it's just a donation. Carl says, if fun times with the wife counts, then yeah, I guess so. Holiday. Holiday. On holiday. Chloe said, if you're not an Olympian, then you've got to chill out. Have a cocktail and blob for a few days. Calm the F down, please.

Yeah. Every day, said Ali. My Apple Watch has been closing all rings every day for three years. Wow. You wait till you come back. Only 600 calories, though, Ali. Calm down. Hey.

That's what the average person burns in a day. Don't calorie shame someone. No, that's the additional. No, that's as good. What do you see your watch at? Mine's at 1300. Yeah, that's a good amount. I think mine's 1000.

It's broken though. It's broken though. Convenient? Yeah, convenient. And I have been really slacking on the exercise because it doesn't count when you don't wear a watch. Yeah, exactly. Why would you? The body doesn't wear a watch. Yeah, exactly. Why would you?

The body doesn't absorb the exercise. No, no, no, no, no, totally. And Briar said yes because I grew up in one of those families that's like, let's do a 5K run. I do not know peace. Oh, my God. I do not know peace. Briar.

That's so good. Briar. Find your peace. Your peace is running. That's where you find your... Oh, my God. She can't find peace. That is today's silly little part.

I think we'll all remember our favourite teacher, right? Yeah. A good teacher we had that made education fun. It made school fun. And they really saw you. Yeah. I remember that moment. Yeah.

A teacher that really saw me and was like, I reckon you're all right, Sproul. Yeah. I don't know what they were on about in the staff room. You were all right by me, kid. Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean? What are they saying about me?

I don't know what those other teachers say about you. They don't like you at all, but I do. You're not a nightmare. Yeah. You're not exasperating at all, Vaughn. You're not going nowhere fast. Yeah. You're not wasting potential.

It's still there. A teacher online, as a reward for her class, they played dodgeball. She said, you can all play against me. 17 versus one. They're like primary school age kids. And she beat them. She smoke them. She smoke them. She ruthlessly destroys them

in a game of dodgeball. Good. It's a good lesson. Good lesson. But now everyone's like, yeah, she's that teacher. She's that cool teacher. Like the kids will always remember

the time that the teacher systematically destroyed them in a game of dodgeball that they were seeing as a reward. The cool teachers, eh? They were the best. Yeah. Like Mr. Alan Bagnall, who used to come in with his clay

and his poetry. That was the best. His clay? Yeah. He used to bring clay from his house, like in the hills of his house. He'd harvest his own clay. He'd harvest his own clay.

Where's Alan Bagnall now? Get this clay. We've mentioned Alan Bagnall now? Get this guy. We've mentioned Alan Bagnall on air before, and people from Eastbourne are like, oh, my God, Alan Bagnall. When you came in and Alan Bagnall was relieving you. I wonder if he's related to the Bagnalls, I don't know. It's not a very popular name. I don't know.

Shut up, Vaughan. It's such a boomer thing to say. Who are your Bagnalls? Steve Bagnalls, my Bagnall. Oh, my Bagnall's Alan. Ah, Bagnalls, my bagnall. You sound like everyone's mum. Ah, bagnalls, you wonder if these will have a challenge? Shut up. You know what?

I'm going to investigate this every year. Do you know what, though? I think, because I think mine's Miss O'Connell, Denise O'Connell, and I was like naughty, gothy, like distracting people, and there was even one teacher that said something really nasty to me once. What did they say? She said... For a start, I want to say she was jealous.

Yeah, it was. It was like, you're never going to... I'd said something that I wanted to do and she said, that's kind of unlikely. She's like, that's pretty unlikely, Hayley, given the way that you are. And I remember being like, oh my God. Given the way you are. Yeah, Mrs Carstens, shout

out. Are we bagging the bad ones? I thought we were here to celebrate the good ones. No, we are. But, Denise, I wonder if she knows Ellen Carstens. I wonder if she knows. Actually, I wonder if she knows the Carstens that I know. Who's your Carstens? Carstens? Carstens. Carstens.

No, I miss her. I don't know any Carstens myself. Don't worry about it then. But Denise was the one who was like, no, no, no. You're not naughty. You're a performer. And then just like pushed, supported, and it was amazing. Yeah. Okay, so this is what we want to ask this morning.

0800 DARS at M. Text in 9696. Who's the teacher that you'll always remember? Yeah. And why? Are we tanking because they were bad or only the good ones? No, no, no. We're celebrating teachers.

We're celebrating teachers. I think we go like fun. Yep. Or, you know, like the Ellen Bagners always had a crazy like fun activity. Or the ones that like changed it all for you. Why not? Maybe they said something like, I don't know, motivational. Yeah, and it totally.

And it just actually clicked and you got it. It put you on the right path. Okay, 0800DARLESS. Call us now. Or maybe they were hot. Is that okay? Sure. We've been a rock and rig.

Yeah, because I think now, like, I was nearly ready to leave high school and they were just out of teacher's college. At the time, it was really inappropriate. But now? 17 and 25? Yeah. That's mine and Aaron's age gap. 100%. You know what I mean? Oh, is it wrong to inappropriate, but now? 17 and 25? Yeah. That's mine and Aaron's age gap. 100%

Do you know what I mean? Is it wrong to Google them right now? 0800M, call us and text at 9696. What teacher will you always remember and why? We want to know who are the teachers that you'll always remember and why. We should also do a phone call. Which one of your parents' friends do you remember and why? I'm just looking at Steve Bagnell.

I haven't seen him for years. Oh, your Bagnell might be related to my Bagnell. His nickname was very inappropriate. Shut up about the Bagnells. No one cares. There was a teacher overseas who challenged, who let her kids, her class, play her 17 to 1 in a game of dodgeball.

And people are just like, she's the fun teacher. She's the fun teacher. The one you'll remember forever. You'll always remember that teacher. So we want to know, who are those life-changing, memorable teachers? Jo, who is the teacher you always remember? I had Mrs. Jackson.

Yeah. She was four foot nothing. Yeah. And she used to get up on the desks and in violin lesson. And that's how we learnt to play the violin, is her dancing on the desks. Dancing on the desks. She was up there.

She wasn't teaching violin. She was teaching the fiddle. She was teaching passion. Yeah. She was an awesome, awesome lady. Oh, my God. Can I ask how many years ago this was in terms of... Oh, no, you're not supposed to ask that one.

But it was a long time ago. We go in the early 80s. I just love that you still think about him. Totally. You know, that's the thing, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. And that was in Watquess Primary. Oh, shout out, Mrs Jackson.

Oh, no, she won't be with us anymore. Oh, you never know. Those little ones live a long time. Those little players. a long time. Those little plans. What do you think? Whenever you see a really old lady, she's never a big one. You never see a long-legged lady.

They're always the tiny little ones. I like to think she's up there in heaven dancing on a table, playing on a fiddle. There are so many messages um some of them are inappropriate

and you're all very naughty I will say that okay mid 90s you did start that by saying the hot ones I kind of did and I will apologise

yeah that's your fault but that's another phone we could do for another day what where is your hot teacher now and what's their number and find them and have you facebook's their number? And find them.

And have you Facebook them and still can't find them. Mid-90s. It's going to be a shout out to Mr. Triandiphalus. Wow. First thing he had us do was learn to spell his name. 30 years later, I can still remember. T-R-I-A-N-D-A-F-I-L-I-D-I-S. Triandiphalitis.

Please tell me he taught maths. Triandiphalitis. Because that's-S. Triandophilitis. Please tell me he taught maths. Triandophilitis. Because that's syntagm. Triangle. Triandophilitis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Is that isosceles,

you're equilateral and you're triandophilitis. A teacher who I had in high school who I always thought was really lovely came up in the news a couple of years ago

for murdering her husband. We please call. Okay, we're celebrating Please We've asked you to call now For the teachers You fondly remember Yeah

Next week we'll do How's your teacher Murdered someone Murdered their partner That's next week's Phone-in topic Ben Hurley's dad Mr Hurley

He let me hide in his office When the world was too much My mum was dying of cancer When I was at school Oh Mr Hurley That's nice Ben Hurley wouldn't let you do that

I don't think he'd kick you out. Oh, listen to this. Mr. Sims, in seventh form, he put me on yellow card, you know, report card, which is where after every class you have to get the teacher to sign you off for good behaviour.

Only naughty children were getting it. I wasn't naughty. I was just a space cadet. He always kept me on it. After I got my university entrance, which no one thought I was going to get, and I got into university, I asked him, why did he keep me on yellow card all that time when I wasn't that naughty? And he said one thought I was going to get, and I got into university, I asked him,

why did he keep me on yellow card all that time when I wasn't that naughty? And he said, because I knew you could get into uni and I didn't want you to miss out. Mr. Sims. Mr. Sims. Mr. Collette, similar vibe. We used to call him the Silver Fox. He held me after class into sixth form and said,

you need to stop effing around in my classroom. People listen when you speak, so why don't you use that power of yours for good conversation and contribution instead of laughs and being a smartass? Best advice ever. I'm a speaker, conference emcee, and leadership trainer and always think about that piece of advice.

That's lovely. They see you. Miss Gio from Tauranga Girls. She's a music teacher. It might be Miss George. Gior. Gior. Still there today. Absolutely scared the shit teacher. Might be Miss George. Gior. Gior. Still there today.

Absolutely scared the shit out of me and every other third former. But if you worked hard and stuck with her, you earned her respect and she became a treasured mentor and friend. Didn't suffer fools or tolerate mediocrity. Taught me everything I know about singing and I'll thank her that forever.

Mwah, Miss Gior from Carly. Oh, I love this. This is so nice. I know, right? This is going to be nice feelings. Fletch recommended this topic, which is so left field for Fletch, who's got no heart. The coldest guy ever.

I had a chemistry uni lecturer, a sweet old man. He was a huge music lover and would play one of his favourite songs at the start of each lesson and then read a Calvin and Hobbes newspaper comic and then do a quick question and first person to answer got a periodic table. He also had seen my grades in chemistry and tried to convince me to change my major from marine biology to music.

He was so cool, I contemplated it. Cute. Trying to get you out of the field. But also, how good was Calvin and Hobbes? I don't like it. Never made me laugh once. Oh, fuck. Hey, don't swear.

Don't you swear at your brother. He's been hanging out with the Bagnells too much. Calvin Bagnell? He wouldn't be related to Stevie. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Where she is coming to play at the Bruce Mason Centre in Auckland. She's a wonderful comedian called Eliza Schlesinger, and she joins us now. Now, Eliza, have you been to New Zealand before?

Oh, not only have I been there, I've lived there. I lived there for a month. I travelled. Yeah, talk about being up in your country. Yeah, I travelled from Russell to Bluff. Wow. So I have seen more of your country than many of the Kiwis have. When did you do this?

What year are we talking? I'm a mom of two, so years sort of kind of come and go. But I think this was a little over two years ago because I remember I hadn't had my son yet. And we did a travel show, which will be out any day now. Oh, amazing. Top to the bottom, including Invercargill. We went to Rotorua. Yep. Top to the bottom, including Invercargill. I'm so sorry. Rotorua.

Rotorua. Do you have a favorite place? Would it be weird if I said Rotorua? No. It's beautiful. It's so different to anywhere else in the world. Bubbling mud smell. Tourist and stuff. It was the smell, but my skin was flawless. I mean, obviously the South Island is beautiful. I did get to eat some bluff oysters, which was cool was flawless. I mean, obviously the South Island is beautiful. I did get to eat some bluff

oysters, which was cool. And so, I love the whole country. I have some notes for you guys. Please hit us. It's going to be on driving, isn't it? I guess you know what? I was trying to

adjust to driving on a different side of the road, so no critique there. What you guys call a bagel borders on hate crime. I don't know if you have no New Yorkers living there. I don't know what it is. You're from New York, though. No one's going to do it like you guys do.

What can we improve? I've just written down bagel. I'm going to put improvement notes underneath it. Take notes. Well, first of all, you can get rid of a lemon curd because no one puts lemon curd on a bagel. Who's doing that? I'm going to put improvement notes underneath it. Take notes. Well, first of all, you can get rid of a lemon curd because no one puts lemon curd on a bagel. Who's doing that? I'm sorry. That's disgusting.

That's not something I can get on board with either. Don't try to disassociate. You did it. Okay, no lemon. It doesn't need to go on everything. Okay, no more lemon. Yeah. Halloumi was like your cheese of choice for everything.

Oh, it's a great cheese. No, I'm with Eliza on this one. Halloumi's a dumb cheese. It's enough. How about like a Mexican cheddar mix? How about get some Mexicans? No, actually, Eliza, no. You do cheese wrong in America.

America does bad cheese, Eliza. You do bad cheese. You do bad cheese. Why is your cheese orange? Are you talking about American cheese or cheddar cheese? American cheese. They're both too orange. It's not real.

It's a straw man argument because American cheese is not actually cheese. It's a cheese product. And if you're American, you know the difference. Oh, my God. It's like Pringles aren't potato chips. They're of the chip family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, if all I have to atone for

on this call is American cheese, then I feel great as an American cheese. We're leading it. We do have some other fake orange things we would like to discuss with you that we've got a problem with your country, but we'll start with the cheese. Well, careful, because you might become the 53rd state on his list.

We're just keeping our heads down right down here at the bottom of the world. You don't mention to anyone that you spoke to us today because it's just better if they think that we live in grass huts and that's it. They leave us off naps. It'll be like I was never here. You were never here.

Okay, any more notes for New Zealand? I'm trying to remember the rest of it. I had the, I mean, I just had the best time. I ate kenna. I had pawa. We went all up and down. We went to all the beach. We went to Hot Water Beach.

It's a beautiful spot. Where, depending on where you cook your fish, you could contract meningitis. So step lively. So a note, less meningitis. No meningitis. You guys are so casual about deeply threatening things.

And they were like, oh yeah, don't put your head under the water. And I was like, yeah, note taken. I won't. It's not, you're not doing a bad Kiwi accent. Yeah. Actually,

you've got to make it more clopped. Clopped. More clopped. That's right. Now, you're touring around the world

with the Get Ready Tour, right? Like, I was looking at all of your dates and you're a mum of two. How, are you going to be a sack of a human being at the end of this thing?

You know what? You'll never know because we got a lot of foundation on, and we have a good under eye cream. Yeah. And we're not bringing the kids to – it's Australia, and we always tack on New Zealand. But my daughter does want to come one day because she's heard about Australia. I know it's a totally different thing.

Do you guys have the bungee also in New Zealand? We haven't visited it. Oh, wait, who, the what? The bunyip? I thought you said, do you have the bungee? I'm like, yeah, we kind of invented jumping off bridges attached to elastics. Because we're so bored with our lives,

we like to throw ourselves off. We did that on the show. Yeah. No, what's the bunyip? Yeah, the bunyip's an Australian like mythological creature. Oh, no, we don't have a bunyip. No, we don't have one.

I've got a tiny far. I didn't know if it had made the jump over to New Zealand, which is secretly not as close to Australia as everyone thinks. Yeah. Forget it. What are you,

I've got to ask because you've done, you write books, you're in movies, you've got endless Netflix specials, you do literally everything. You've got podcasts and like you're live touring.

Do you have a favourite? Like where's the one where you feel like most at home? I feel at home in all the art that I make, but I feel like I keep forgetting. I have a new special and it's out on Amazon Prime Video and it's called A Different Animal. So I know you guys, everybody knows me from Netflix, but if you have Amazon, go ahead and fire that up.

Yeah, that's the new special that came out last week. Yeah, I know you do. That's why we put it up. You're coming to the Bruce Mason Centre in Auckland. That's your only New Zealand date. So if you want to see her. Yeah, Saturday, the 26th of April is that date. Yeah, in Takapuna.

And it's going to be, it's an amazing venue. And you're going to absolutely kill it. You've got such Kiwi vibes already. You've travelled the country. You know us. I get you guys. Like, no one is more Kiwi than I, and I think I sound like it, and I have to have a clopped accent.

I shall keep that in mind. Clipped. Clipped. We will find out. We will find out. Clipped. Yeah, clipped. We'll find out where you're staying and give you a cheese hamper.

We will craft a cheese hamper for you. You think I'm not bringing my own cheese? We don't want your cheese. You cannot bring your cheese here. We don't want your cheese, Eliza. It is no good. Can I tell you, I tried to bring some beef jerky through customs, and I was like, it's a Slim Jim.

That's not even meat. And they're like, no, we've got to take it. And so they took it, and they incinerated it. I didn't get it in. But I did bring some candy last time. Did you get a $400 fine for the beef jerky, or did you declare it? I declared it all the way in. Good girl.

Because who was it? I thought. There have been some famous. Chelsea Handler just recently said. Yeah. That she brought drugs into the country. And we're like, oh, no, you can't do that either. Yeah.

And Hilary Swank got caught with an apple. That was $400. Yeah, that was $400. Luckily, she got a million dollars. I appreciate. When you go to, what's the island called that everybody goes to right off the coast? It's like, it's got a vineyard. Waiheke.

Waiheke. I've been a few times, and I remember the first time I was like, you guys take biodiversity so seriously. And everybody abides. People are like, oh, I've got to walk off my shoes. Yeah, we spray our little boots. We're very particular. I mean, I live in a country where people are like, I can bring in this rifle and this bear carcass, right? Don't step on my ride ticket.

Look, we've all got to protect each other. Yeah, hey, look, if all it takes is wiping our boots when we get off a ferry to avoid what you've got going on over there in the dumpster fire that is America, I'll keep wiping my feet and spraying my boots. Thank you so much. And Saturday, 26 April, Bruce Mason. BOHMPresents.com for those tickets. Eliza, thank you so much. And cannot wait toth April, Bruce Blason. BOHMPresents.com for those tickets.

Eliza, thank you so much. And cannot wait to meet you. I'll see you there. Yeah, not bad, not bad. Not bad. Not bad. Not bad. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

If you were listening to the show yesterday, you may have heard I was stung a lot by bees. Yeah, the night before. Because your team of bees did absolutely nothing. The team of, this suit, it does nothing. It's crazy because it's almost like Fletch did say, that's just not going to do anything. Could we go back into some audio archive

and find the bit where your bee suit arrived? Yeah. And we felt it. And we said, I don't know if I'd be ordering a bee suit from Timu. I wasn't wearing enough underneath. Right. The problem was there was times where the suit was sitting flat against the skin

and the bees, but I would say if you were to, I had another look yesterday. Yeah. If you were to count the amount of stings in the suit versus how many got into me, it's a very, a low percentage made it through the suit.

When you say there's like a hundred or something stings. Dude, it was wild. It was just like, the gloves were just like covered. So you say it's a successful hundred or something stingers. Dude, it was wild. It was just like, bam, bam, bam. The gloves were just like covered. So you say it's a successful bee suit with just 22 stings. It could have been a whole lot worse. Okay. The bees went crazy.

I was like, do you want to die of varroa mite or not? I am trying to help you. It's like when you're trying to give your cat the worming medicine and it's like, meow. How do you give your cat its worming? I've got a why don't give it worming stuff

oh you do the drips no I don't do that we do the drips I don't do that oh he doesn't go outside it doesn't go outside so I don't need to we do drips on the back

of the neck but no there's a thing you can buy go into show sponsor animates it's like you put the pill in it I was going to say

show sponsor gamers where I was like what are they doing they're right next to each other and it's like you put the pill in it

and it depresses it in yeah easier each other And it's like You put the pill on it And it Depresses it in Yeah easier said than done It's like on a stick Yeah And so you push it in Still What

No it works Then you have to hold it And get the mouth open And then the cat's just like How do you scratch it You're trying to help It's like when you give your kids medicine I don't know about your cat's gag reflex

But just It goes right down If you scratch the chin It just gets it right in. I'll beg your pardon. You just go under the chin like this. It's a family show. And you shut them out.

It's like that. Yeah. You're like, swallow it. Come on. So it was like that. I was trying to help these goddamn bees. Also, just go buy honey at the supermarket. Like, what are you doing?

Yeah, even the cheap clover shit's good. It's a fun hobby. It's fine, do you know what I mean? A piece of toast, yum. 18 mixed clover blend honey for $4? Sure, I'll eat that. Good trash. So, it got worse because that was the other night I got

stung heaps and they're still a bit sore and you just sprayed deodorant on it close up and that actually kind of helped. So that's a weird little hack. Yeah, apparently there's something in the deodorant that if you do get a bee sting, close up, it might be the cold. Who knows? It could be as simple as that.

But the war with the bees, I went and tried to make peace with them yesterday afternoon. Even after the show yesterday, got to the gym, put on my gym gear, put my foot on my shoe and received a final sting right there. Oh, my God. And I don't even know how that bee got in that.

Wait, was it dead or alive? It was dead. But it can still sting you. Well, yeah, I guess so. I guess maybe it takes a bite. Because it must have died of being squashed and it still had its stinger in it. But I don't know how it made its way into that shoe. That shoe wasn't out there in the battlefield with me

when I was getting mauled by bees. It was planned. Do you know what I mean? A kamikaze bee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A kamikaze bee. The ones that were left were like, we lost a lot of good men today.

I ain't going down without a fight. Yeah. I'll get the bastard. I know where his foot lives. Yeah. But yeah. One little sting. But I think I had so many stings,

my body was like, what's another one? Get on with it, yeah. Oh, I've had so many stings, my body was like, wah. What's another one? Get on with it, yeah. Oh, I've had a sting on the bottom of the foot. Horrible. It was a wasp, I think, not a bee. And it was horrible.

Yeah. So 23 stings in one week. 23 stings, yeah, at once. Are you having any kind of, you know, bee man senses? You know, like you're going to turn into the bee man. Yep. You've got hyper... That would be the shittest superhero in the world. Yeah, yeah.

I can take pollen. I'm a superhero. I'm going to take pollen around. I'll only fly so long and then my wings get a bit frayed and then I'll fall. And if I attack you, I also die. Yeah, I sting you but then it rips my guts out. Yeah. Terrible. Also,

is it over yet? I don't know. It's ongoing. You've got eyes on the back of your head, right? You're going, oh my God. Yeah, the bees. They're out for you. They're watching. They know. Yeah. It's living with the enemy. They're out there. And they're thousands. No one's safe. Really. We're putting the other strips in tonight. Why is he going

back to the box? Just get your friend to do it because he knows what he's doing Get him to bring his authentic bee suit That will protect him properly That's not from Teemu Kiwi Saver You contribute to it It's a great idea to have a little money in the bank

For your retirement or your first home, boy. I spent mine on my first time. On your first time. And then restarted again for the retirement. And here we go. And here we go. Well, they've released what the average balance should be,

not should be, what the average balance is for your age group in Aotearoa New Zealand. So you can see how you're doing. Say how you're going. Yeah, compared to your peers. Right. So we thought this would be fun while we read them out. You don't have to identify what age group you fall into, but you can just

message 9696 above, below, or average. Yeah, great. And then we can kind of you can keep an eye on the text machine, Hayley. I've got my eyes on it right now. People who listen to this show are above or below average. What did you think when you saw these? Did you think we're all screwed?

Yeah. Yeah, same. When I heard these averages, I was like, okay, by the time you can withdraw your KiwiSaver at 65, you've got a year. Yep. And then what?

Yeah. Yeah. They're super at the moment, but I'm not banking on the fact that when I turn 65, A, it will be at 65 if it exists at all. The pension. Yeah, the pension. Because there's so many oldies it's going to bank back to us.

I was explaining how the pension works to my daughter the other day. Oh, yeah. We got into tax and all sorts of things when we were driving and she really was just like, how do you know all this stuff? I was like, I've lived a life, God. I'm excited to retire and spend all my pension on the pokies. Oh my God, me too. Sherry flagons.

Sherry flagons. I'm in for a quick retirement, not a long retirement. Yeah. All right, if you're under 17, you're probably like, what is a KiwiSaver? $3,286 is the average person. So you started working at 14, signed up at a low thing. Yeah, my part-time job, and away you go. 18 to 25 are $10,000.

Okay. 26 to 30, 19, well, I'm going to say 20. By the way, I'm just going to start Swedish rounding. Again, Swiss whispers. Swiss whispering. This is actually Swiss whispers rounding. Swiss whispers rounding. That's where you go.

It says 19,800. Currently, I would say our listeners are above, above, above, above, above. Really? From our younger listeners. 31 to 35, 24,000. That's me. I'm 35. Oh, my God.

I'm changing age brackets. I know. Yeah, dude. Do you know, I have to get my passport and then I worked out how I'm going to be, how old I'm going to be when my passport expires. And I was like, you know what a pleasure. I was like, oh, you know what? I'm done.

I'm done. I'm done. Aging is a pleasure that not everybody has. I know. Aging. Yeah. You know what a pleasure it is. I was like, you know what? I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. Aging is a pleasure that not everybody has the... I know, aging, yeah. You know, the pleasure of pleasure. It's a privilege. That was a terrible saying. We'll get our first below and that's absolutely fine.

That's fine. 36 to 40, it should be at $30,000. Well, no, sorry, it should not be. That is what the average is for New Zealand. That is what the average is. I'm not telling you anything. 41 to 45. That's me.

39,000. Okay. 46 to 50. 50,000. 56 to 60. 65,000. Jump there. Yeah.

Jump there. Do you think the lower averages are lower because people like you, Hayley, took it out to get a house? So number of texts coming and going, well, it's low now because I withdrew 50 to do the house thing. And then you've got to think the house is an investment as well for the future. Absolutely. Couldn't agree more.

Oh, God, someone texted, I've got over 100K in there. Well done, well done, well done, well done. 56 to 60 is 65,000. 61 to 65, 69,000. Nice. But that's the thing. So 61 to 65, 69,000. Nice. But that's the thing. So 61 to 65, now we're drawing it out,

and you've got $61,000 in there. So let's say that you're spending just over $1,000 a week or something. We're done. We've got one to two years. Yeah. Well, then, so 66 to 70 is the first drop. It goes from 69,000 back down to 65. Because you're not contributing.

Then it picks up again. 71 to 75, 66. I guess you can keep, but it's the average. So a lot of people would get it out at that age. But also if you're continuing to work, you're continuing to- How late is too late to be a sugar baby?

I have thought about this a great deal. That I was like, I need to get myself a sugar daddy. What's the cutoff limit for- I was like, I need a sugar daddy. And then I was like, but need to get myself a sugar daddy. What's the cutoff limit? I was like, I need a sugar daddy. And then I was like, but I'm 36 this year. But you're actually the sugar mama. I'm the sugar mama.

I'm going to be a sugar brat. Oh, yeah. Where I just act like a brat. Okay. But then where's the sugar coming from? Someone keeps giving me sugar to act like a brat. Okay. Right.

Because people like brats, right? Yeah. But again, I think you're in a different age group there. I can be a brat. Yeah. You can be a brat at any age. You're more of a daddy brat. Daddy brat.

So many people messaging me. I'll be a daddy brat. Yeah. Daddy brat. Daddy brat. Anybody got some daddy brat issues they'd love to deal with and pay me for the privilege of? Mate, for the right amount of money, I'll be just about anything.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Hey, you on the phone? I bet, I'll be just about anything. It has been ages. It's been a long time. It's been ages, ages. I think your spirit is really strong at the moment. The Wairua. Thank you. Running through you.

Wairua. Your connection. That's your spirit, yeah. I've been to Wairua. Your connection. That's your spirit, yeah. Right. I've been to Wairua. Love it. You liked that, didn't you? It's really good. I liked it. It hit hard.

Of course, I love that you hit it with it. I've been to Wairua. Wairua, yeah. Didn't even know nothing. Didn't even roll an R. And it just really took a rural Vaughan there. Yeah. Provincial Vaughan, quite like that. Well, the first time for 2025, welcome to,

bet I can guess your mum's name, Sophie. Good morning, Sophie. Good morning. Okay. Oh, we're going to vibrant. Can I have a little, we've got a, where are you at the moment, Sophie? I am up north. But are you like in a car or are you standing on the ground?

Yeah, in a car. Oh, no. It's hard to earth with you. Yeah. Because you've got rubber between you and the ground. Okay, but let's try a hum though. Let's not earth, let's air connect, okay? We're going to...

Oh, Bluetooth. Yeah, we're going to Bluetooth each other. If you just hold the end of your phone up to us, we'll be able to... Well, she is. She's on the phone, isn't she? Oh, yeah. So we're just holding up our Bluetooth. We're going to connect now, okay? So rather than earthing to connect or up to us, we'll be able to... Well, she is. She's on the phone, isn't she? Oh, yeah. So we're just holding up

our Bluetooth. I'm going to connect now, okay? So rather than earthing to connect or vibrating to connect, we're going to Bluetooth to connect, all right? Okay. Bluetooth.

Okay, I'm not hearing Sophie hum. Are you humming, Sophie? Yes. Okay, sorry. You say Bluetooth. On three, two, one, we drag out the ooh in Bluetooth, okay? Three, two, one. We drag out the ooh in Bluetooth, okay?

Three, two, one. Bluetooth. Connected. Okay, we've got a spiritual connection now. I had to unconnect my headphones for that. Yeah, because you're only allowed one connection. Don't reconnect the headphones. Oh, I won't.

Okay, that's also a fault of Bluetooth, right? Oh, Bluetooth is rubbish. You should be able to connect multiple headphones. We need to invent something better. There's got to be something better on the horizon. That's not what we're here to do today. Sophie. Five questions about your mum.

Who is your mum's celebrity crush? Oh, Tom Cruise. Oh. Okay. He's Botoxed a lot, hasn't he? Yeah, he has Botoxed a lot. He did that last Mission Impossible. I would have put the Scientology ahead of the Botox

for a problem with Tom Cruise being an uncelebrity crush, but that's up to you. Okay, I'm picking a lady around Tom's age. I'm thinking of Jennifer. Oh, okay. Jennifer, or I'm thinking of Diane. Diane would love seeing Tom Cruise on the front of a magazine. I'm thinking of Robin.

Robin, okay. Is that because your mother-in-law likes Tom Cruise? I don't think she'd have much time for Tom Cruise, to be totally honest. Okay. But she wouldn't want a bad Melvin. Yeah. She'd have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all sort of lady. No, of course.

Suzanne, but probably goes by Sue. Sue. Okay. Jane. You know, I'm feeling that's the... A Joan? That's our sweet spot. I don't know why it's sort of Joan.

Jane Jones? Patricia? I'll put a Joan. I'll put a Patricia. Okay. A Pat. Nah, she wouldn't go by Pat. Have you put a Katie on there?

Because Katie Holmes was famously married to him. Nicole. Well, she was. I'll put a Nicole and a Katie. Yeah. Okay. I think they're a bit younger, those names. Do you think so?

Yeah, I agree. You get some older Nicoles. Yeah. I'm going to go... Oh. Have you put down Karen? Have you put down... Always put down Karen. I you put down Always put down Karen

I always put down Our mum's name So I'm going to put it In a Karen and be Of a Chris and a Patsy It's probably not Patsy I'll say it It's probably not Patsy

You don't think it's Patsy? We don't often get Patsy Okay question two What year was your mother born? 1969 Nice Nice Okay so that's

A 69 vintage Vintage I'm going to put it Fiona Okay you're good Nice. Okay, so that's a 69 vintage. Vintage. I'm going to put a Fiona. Okay, you're good. And an Andrea. Are you looking at popular names from 69? No, I just... Tanya.

Very well. Tanya. Andrea. Okay. You just put down two Andreas. Is it my headphones giving a squeaky feedback? You just put in two Andreas. Could be me. Oh my God, I went Andrea, Tanya, Andrea. God, you're losing them. No, put down two Andreas. Is it my headphones giving a squeaky feedback? You just put in two Andreas. Could be me.

Oh, my God, I went Andrea, Tanya, Andrea. God, you're losing them. Honor the list. Okay, I will honor the list as it stands. What kind of car does mum drive? Suzuki Swift. I was getting big Suzuki Swift vibes. I was feeling that.

Economical, sensible. She's sensible. And never really that swift. I'm sorry, it's just my issue with the Swifts. Moderical sensible. She's sensible. And never really that swift. I'm sorry. It's just my issue with the Swifts. Moderately swift. They should change the name to averagely swift. Sarah. Okay, you think a Sarah drives a Swift?

I think a Sarah could drive a Swift. I think you're right. Have I said a Rachel? Rachel. Rachel and a Swift. 69. I'm going to go. Have I gone Paula? I'm going to put a Paula there. Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah, that's right in the sweet spot. Carolyn. Kath. Have you got a Kathy? I've got a Katie, but not a Kathy. Yeah, put a Kathy. Okay, what do you put down Kim? I'll put a Kathy and Kim.

Kathy and Kim. You can't have one without the other. What are mum's siblings' names? She's got one sister and her name's Debbie. I was just about to say Debbie. Perfect. Our energies. I'm not lying. We've got a Bluetooth connection.

Strong Bluetooth. I was just thinking Debbie. Debbie. That is such a mum name, isn't it? Debbie. That's perfect. Debbie and Chris. Chris and Debbie.

Christine. Got Christine. Okay. Chris and Debbie. Lisa. Lisa Christine. Okay. Chris and Debbie. Lisa. Lisa, yeah, definitely good. You're kind of getting into Michelle territory here. Yeah.

Almost. Would you agree? You're kind of tiptoeing around Michelle. Yeah. You're becoming a popular name. I've got a Nicola. I've got a Nicole. I feel like I'll be a fool if I put a Nicole in a Nicola because they like to be different,

don't they? Okay. Last question. What kind of phone has mum got? She's got an iPhone 15. Oh, we respect mum. She's got a way better phone than me. She's got three more expensive than the Swift.

Who keeps up with those? Jules? Jules. Jules and Diane get the 15s. Jules, yeah, I've got Diane. I reckon you're... You might be nudging into Steph territory. Oh, you reckon?

That's outrageous I don't think so But I mean put it down I want to say Tessa Shelly Tessa No I was off there And I thought

Please ignore what I just said What did you say? No no Wasn't even worth it I'm done Okay well Sophie Vaughn now has 15 seconds

To try and guess your mum's name If you hear your mum's name Yell out stop That's well, Sophie, Vaughn now has 15 seconds to try and guess your mum's name. If you hear your mum's name, yell out, stop, that's my mum's name. Vaughn, your time starts now. Jennifer, Diane, Robyn, Suzanne, Jane, Tracy, Joan, Patricia, Nicole, Katie, Karen, Bev, Chris, Patsy, Fiona, Andrea, Tanya, Andrea. Stop, that's my mum's name. And a second Andrea. Which one? Tanya.

Tanya! Tanya had an Andrea either side. Tanya. Flanked by Andreas. Flanked by Andreas. Fantastic. Well, you have locked in $100, Sophie. That Bluetooth connection, it has triggered, though, the bonus round.

The bonus round. While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. Your dad's name. Now, unlike mum's name, for those that have never heard I Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name, it's just one guess at dad's name. That's all you get, Vaughan. And if you can do that, $100. And it's been done before.

It's Chris. Chris. It's Chris and Tanya. Chris and Tanya. Gary and Tanya. I was thinking David and Tanya. Oh, gosh. Dave.

Dave and Tanya. Dave and Tanya. John and Tanya. But was thinking David and Tanya. Oh gosh. Dave. Dave and Tans. Dave and Tans. John and Tans? We always feel this and then it's Graham, you know? Nah, it's gotta be a name that can be shortened to something far more casual. So it's a serious name that can be shortened. Thomas.

But he goes by Tom. Tom and Tans. Yeah. Russell, but he goes by Russ. Or Michael, but only ever Mike Or Gary who goes by Gares Gares is short for Gary What are you talking about? Gare

Gare Gare Gare Sorry Is that Tanya and Gare? Gare No he's not Gaze You mean Gares?

You mean Gares Okay Vaughn you need to pick one name Someone just messaged you You've overlooked Rob Rob and Tanya Oh we've overlooked Rob. Rob and Tarns. Oh, my God, it's Rob.

It's Rob and Tarns. It's Rob. But Robert on... Robert. Robert, don't you dare. Yeah. Don't you dare call me Robert. That was my father's name.

That was my father's name. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm still feeling something like a Steve. Or was it Matt or Matthew? Oh, no. Matthew and Tarns. Matt and Tarns.

I know. It's your game. It's your game, Vaughn. Vaughn, we need Dad's name. What is it? Robin. Robin Tarns. You think it's your game, Vaughan. Vaughan, we need Dad's name. What is it? Robin Tarns. You think it's Robert or Rob? Well, I can say Rob.

You can say Rob and we'll accept Robert. Rob. Rob. Robert and Tanya. Rob's in Tarns. We can't go out. Rob and Tarns are coming over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll go play golf with Rob. Robert and Tanya. Rob and Tans. We can't go out. Rob and Tans are coming over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. I'll go play golf with Rob. You keep Tans on the Shadon. What are you locking in, Rob? Sophie, what is your dad's name? It's Russell. Oh! That's why the R felt good.

Russell. Russ. Russ. Does he go by Russ? Or Ra? Of course he does. Rusty. Rusty.

Oh, yeah. I'm so angry with myself. Rusty and Tarns. Rusty. Does mum go by Tarns? Yes. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

I can just imagine Tarns driving along in the Suzuki Swift. Yeah, Tarns in the Swift. Tarnsy. Oh, just stop. Well, Sophie, unfortunately, you missed out on that $100, but we do have $100 because Vaughan did guess your mum's name. Well done. Thank you.

Please pass on our love to our Rusty and Tarns. Rusty and Tarns. I will. 18 past eight. Next, I have been misidentified. Should I fix it or not, love? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan not, love? I'm heading to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in

under two weeks. This is exciting. I know, it's my first time doing it and I am taking my last year's show, Wild Flood, is there. Very exciting. And you're going to do the radio show from over there. It's 3am in the morning. Wow. I'm going to be doing that. It's going to be fun. It's going to be really

fun. But the festival actually runs for a month. I'm only doing the last two weeks of it. It's kicking off last, it kicked off last night. Yeah. And so many Kiwi comics are over there at the moment. If you're walking around the streets being like, where have all the comedians gone?

I swear, where are they? They're in Melbourne. And so I've been seeing, you know, all my- It's a pilgrimage every year. It is. They flock just like Edinburgh. And I've been seeing all my friends arriving over the last few days and going like, guys, opening night and all this.

And then I saw one from the lovely Two Hearts, Laura Daniel and Joseph Moore, good friends of mine, saying like, here we are. And they did a photo of the venue that they're at, which is the same venue I'm going to be at. And it's this big banner and it says all of the acts that are there, like David Kouraios, friend of the show. And it says, brackets, NZ.

Two Hearts, friend of the show, NZ. Then it says some UK comedians, Russian comedians in there. And they always put in the brackets where they're from. Famously are funny people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who wants to hear a joke about how bad village was where I grew up? Smoking on stage. Yeah, yeah.

The potato's always cold. In communism, a constant reminder of failed system that cost grandfather and grandmother life. Is that the punchline? I'll get you. Structurally, the joke isn't great. I think if you don't laugh, they just shoot you, right? Yeah.

That's right. Oh, God. That's right, laugh. So then we've got Eli Matheson, and it says brackets NZ. Jack Anse, brackets NZ. And then it says Hayley Sproul, there I am, brackets UK. Oh, no. Now, listen.

Now, listen. Would the show be funnier in an accent? Do you reckon the show's funnier in an accent? I don't know which one to do. Now I'm a dowel, you know? Are you what? Or am I going to be posh? Posh.

You told us about this this morning when we arrived into work, and I think you've got to take the positive spin from this because it's far better. It's like how impressive is it that out of everyone in the UK, which has, what, 50 million people? Yeah. I don't know how many people are there. How many people?

But I've travelled all the way to Australia from the UK, you're saying. Yeah, and you are representing the UK out of all those people? Rather than just popping across the ditch from New Zealand. 68.35 million. Yeah. So out of everybody in the UK, you've made it to represent the UK in Australia, whereas in New Zealand there's only like nearly 5 million of us.

So like, does that mean that I have to come out and be like, hello, hi Melbourne, it's me, Hayley. Or you come out and say, hi, it's me, Hayley. Or you come out and say, hi, it's me, Hayley. I'm going to do this in a New Zealand accent. Guys, I'll start the show. Do you know what I love? I love Australia. I'm so happy to be here. But do you know what I love

even more is that crazy New Zealand accent that I've kind of nailed. And then I'll just do the show like that. And they'll be like, oh my God, she's an accent queen. Okay, maybe I'll just embrace it show like that. Yeah, and they won't know it. And they'll be like, oh my God, she's an accent queen. Yep. Okay, maybe I'll just embrace it. Because I was originally like clerical era. We'll get that fixed. Yep.

I'm from New Zealand and I'm proud of it. They're just going to put a sticker over it. And if they put NZ over it, they'll be like, what was underneath? Yeah, yeah. And then they'll all peel it off and it'll say you're saying it. She's a bloody pom on new hair. Yeah. Okay, well, I just need to pick which accent.

Because I couldn't do it quite. Hello. Do you know what I mean? A posh one. This is my funny little show about erotica. Too posh. Too posh. I don't look that posh.

Adele would be good. The Adele level. Yeah, getting a lot more. Yeah. Oh, who's been reading a bit of smut recently? Yeah, nice. All right, that's me. I'm going to go fat then. Okay. Ailey Sproul from the UK. Yeah Yeah Oh Who's been reading A bit of smut recently Yeah nice Alright that's me I'm gonna go fat then

Okay Ailey Sproul from the UK Catch her at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM's

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Fact of the day Day Day Day Day Fact of the Day, day, day, day, day. It's vasectomy week here at Fact of the Day and it's time to face some facts about the pain of it.

Snap, snap. And, you know, us men will find any excuse not to do anything, you know, to hold up our end of the not having a baby bargain if we can be slightly inconvenienced by it. Absolutely. Let alone destroy your entire life for a decade. Is that why you haven't had one yet? Keep putting it off? I do. Well, a mate of mine

said that when he had his done, he smelt, because they like seed it. They cauterized it. And he said he could smell it. Yeah. I've smelt my own cervix burning before. Wasn't great. They, like, seared it. They cauterized it. Yeah. And he said he could smell it. Yeah. I've smelt my own cervix burning before. It wasn't great. Didn't love it.

Yeah, but I told you that you can't just throw cigarettes out the window. Yeah, I know. Then I was like, where else? And you start these wildfires. I know. You know, and then people lose their homes. So the most robust study of post-vasectomy pain was conducted by the American Urological Association's Vasectomy Guidelines Committee.

Yeah. And yet if you have endometriosis, they won't believe you that it's a real pain. Carry on, sorry. This is the one that's got a whole, by the sounds of it, a whole building. Yeah, yeah, a whole building focused on this. Yeah.

Something that you can opt in for and choose to do. Oh, it's just crazy. It's just crazy. Carry on, please. Only if you're done. I don't want to upset you anymore. I'm done. Okay.

With the patriarchy. If you want to go again, you just let me know, okay? Of those that responded that they had no pain prior to, 7% had scrotal pain seven months later, which they described as a mild nuisance. 1.6% said the pain was moderate and required painkillers and 0.9% said they had

a pain that was quite severe and noticeably affected their quality of life. Oh. Debilitating. Just kind of, I wish I hadn't done this now. I just feel like I've done nothing but, you know, rock you up and that was not my intention. Oh God, no.

I haven't turned a nation of women against me. to see a study on tearing perineums when women push out babies from their vaginas. It would be so interesting. It's a bit much, mate.

We're trying to keep it light-hearted. Gosh, she goes on, doesn't she? Gosh, I'm just trying to have fun with my friends and you're just making me feel guilty. No, I'm just trying to have fun with my friends. Making me feel guilty. No, I feel very sad for the boys that it hurts.

And then there was a study about the pain afterwards, but also the psychological effects. 90% of men reported to be happy and satisfied with having a vasectomy, but 7% to 10% of people regret their decision. Right. And the younger... No, no, no. Oh, because they've... Ended their ability to procreate.

The younger you are when you get it done, more likely it is that you'll have it reversed. Because it's the truth that some guys out there are like, well, I just don't want to take the risk, so I'm going to do this now at a young age. And then that's why they regret it, because they meet someone and they're like, we could have kids.

Apparently you've got to go through... If you're just like 20 and you're like, I never want to have babies. Yo, me the shagga. That's why they call me the shagga. I don't think you can just get it done willy nilly. I think you've got to You can get anything done in Mexico, Vaughn. Yeah, you can if you believe in it.

I'm not going to Mexico for my vasectomy. That's definitely a thing though. I'm 35. Unless afterwards my penis gets a little sombrero to celebrate Arriba You wake up in your surgery Because it's local right So they just numb it

And we're all done And of course it wouldn't be a vasectomy in Mexico Without a little sombrero And then they pop it on And then a mariachi band plays Oh my god Let's all go to Mexico Vasectomies That'd be good fun Yeah. You give it little arms. And then a mariachi band plays. Oh, my God. We should go to Mexico.

We should go to Mexico. That'd be good fun. But yeah, with younger people, even I talked about getting my tubes tied, maybe at 34, and they were like, mm, a bit young. And I was like, really? So if you're in your 20s, I think you have to go through counselling. 34? Yeah.

And they were like, a bit young. Yeah, they were like, nah. When you're there for counselling about your tubes, do they deal with all your other stuff? God, no. How much time have you got, mate? So we need to make sure that you don't want to be a mother. Yeah, but when I was a child,

a nasty boy said something to me once, and it's given me a bit of a complex. And actually... Way to do it. Way to do it. So today's fact of the day is that 14.7% of men that had a vasectomy reported pain that didn't go away for at least seven months. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Get the producers on the mics, please. We're talking Married at First Sight Australia. Now, girlies, last night we were at Homestay Week. It was one of my favourites. Finally.

Finally. I read online one of them used an Airbnb. Yeah, Jackie did. This is Jackie. She was embarrassed by her house. She's a bit snobbish in terms of what we're about to talk about there. Yeah, I was wondering if maybe she has a flatmate or... Oh, and the flatmates are like, no.

She lived with her mum and dad. Yeah, and she's also been quite ambiguous about her job. Yeah, even though she money shames her partner. Yeah, so I think she was kind of trying to put a facade forward. Which is fine. You can do that when you're on television. You keep your secrets. But as part of the homestays, Jackie, our Jackie who we're talking about,

went to Ryan's house. Now, I will say their marriage in the whole entire process has been an utter shitstorm. It has been a complete mess. I saw someone say that they're in their own experiment. Totally. They're not on married at first sight. They're in their own experiment. So she gets to Ryan's the first night. They're on their own experiment.

So she gets to Ryan's house and she's visibly upset. Ryan's house is a bachelor pad 101 and Vaughn, he has a samurai sword. He has like

Dungeons and Dragons skull chalices and dice. Does he have like Lego on the wall? He has a shelf of when he did a big trip around the world

and he got a little token and trinket from each thing. That's cool. That shows a travelled man. That shows someone who's lived. So this is the thing. What if you want some Norwegian minimalist aesthetic? Yes, is the answer.

Yeah, that would be hot. But, like, she's in there. She hates it so much she cries. Oh, for fuck's sake. Get a grip. She is just like, she's like, it just reminds me of the elderly. You know, he's just been living in here on his own for all these years. Like, it's just, she's basically like, this needs a woman's touch.

Right. It's like the lion, the witch in the wardrobe in here. Yeah, that's what she said. I'm reading her story because I want to see more photos of his cool house with actual memories. It doesn't look as bad as I thought it was going to be. It is a bachelor pad. It's just got like, you know, the days we used to finish a bottle of liquor and you'd be like, cool bottle.

Put it on the wall. Put it on the wall. We're going to keep that. She said it looked like he'd been alone between seven and ten years. She gave an estimation. Lad's pad. Is this what people think when they come to my house? No.

No. Okay, good. It's a beautiful millennial grey estate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I wouldn'tial grey estate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I wouldn't give is what they say when they come to your house. Because I can put some bottles on the wall if that helps. Nah, nah, I think it'll do well. Okay.

Now, I mean, this aside, say what you will about Ryan's house. Her reaction is like the best thing. And I'm like, I've been there. And I've had this reaction when I've had pre-Aaron hookups and you're like, this didn't feel like a good idea to go around to this guy's house. That guy that had Bob Marley flags on his wall. Bob Marley flags and no mattress protector. We're just doing it on the mattress.

Why not fit in sheets? Where are your sheets, bro? Oh, who cares? Let's do it. Because I thought I was going to get lucky, so I washed my sheets, but I forgot. Now they're in the washing machine and they're probably going to need another wash

because they smell a little bit misty. A mattress on the floor is an absolute echo. Done it multiple times, my friend. This is what I want to ask, is how bad was the hookup's house? Yes. And you know what, this is what you say. I've done it multiple times, and you're saying it's so disgusting. It's so disgusting.

Well, this is why guys don't change is because they're like, oh, maybe this isn't great. And then they get a girl home, and they get what they want anyway, because they're like, maybe this isn't great. And then they get a girl home and they get what they want anyway and they're like, I'm better than this. You know what? Sometimes we all get a little bit, and we just need what we need in the moment and we can see past a few things.

Shout out to the guys with the dogs playing poker on the wall. Shout out. Something nice to look at while we're doing it. It's funny because dogs don't have dogs. They don't have power holding the cards. They can't understand the basic premise of any card game, let alone the complexities of poker. I'm talking, we're talking no door on the toilet.

I'm talking no toilet seat. How bad was the kitchen situation? And I don't, this doesn't have to just be boys' houses. I had a bedroom in Hamilton that the only, it was the second lounge and the only thing that separated it from the original lounge was a thick curtain. Oh, okay. Right, there's not much privacy there.

A friend of mine lived in a flat where to get to her bedroom, she had to go through her flatmate's bedroom. Oh, what? So, you know, like it was like a joint thing, like it wasn't supposed to be a two-beddy house. Same thing. Every time she's parading through with someone, she's like this is George, George, this is so-and-so.

George, put your noise-cancelling headphones on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Up to you. Enjoy. You know what, George? Feel free to join.

0800 dials it in. We're already getting some grim messages in. Oh, no. No, no, no. You can text her 9696. How bad was the hook-up's house? Well, if you've been watching Married at First Sight, it's homestays week. Jackie went to Ryan's

place. It was Dungeons and Dragons, beer bottles everywhere, and she cried and thought they'd been hiding in there on his own for seven to ten years. Was the mattress on the floor? No, he had a bed. Okay, well, that's a good start. But, boy oh boy, it was not made, and the sheets looked toned brown.

You know what I mean? Yeah, it was a bachelor's pad. Yeah, so we want to know how bad was the hookup's house. Dog slept in his bed. It was a mastiff, and the sheets were covered in dog hair, so much so that it was prickly when you moved your legs. But then at least he won't be able to feel your prickly legs. He'll just be like, that's the hair, that's the dog.

Yeah, true. They finished, the text was still smashed. We've got such good classy listeners. Yeah, true. They finished the text with still smashed. We've got such good... Classy listeners. I love that. He had no duvet, just six random blankets layered on top of each other. Layering is what you do in winter. You'll be nice and snug.

Mattress on the floor, the toilet was disgusting, had floaties, the whole place smelled like deep fryers, and there were just pictures of naked girls all over the wall. Shout out to the 40-plus-year- old dudes with walls full of Funko Pops. Oh, Vaughn, 40 plus Funko. Yeah, wow. Take that reminder. I went back to a disgusting flat and the guy showed me his old plastic bag filled with his dreads that he'd kept when he got them cut off.

I'm good, eh? That means I'm good. And then in brackets, it was white for reference. Thank you for the reference. Thank you. For some reason it makes it worse. Hooker House in Dunedin didn't have a bed that was visible. I had to climb up holes that had been smashed in the wall to make a

makeshift bed that was nailed to the wall and ceiling. You know what's worse? I married him. Oh no! How is the makeshift bed nailed to the wall and the ceiling? It doesn't sound safe. Like a hammock-y sort of situation, but he's nailed it. More room for activities.

Plenty of room. So much room for activities. And then what? So instead of a ladder, he'd punched holes into the walls that you just put your feet into the jib board? Yeah. Oh, my God. Him and his flatmates had pizza box stacked in the corner

that touched the ceiling and they said, don't touch that. They're proud of it. They're proud of it because they go right over to the top. Jesus.

I have been at war by the producers. Some of these need a pre-read. Okay. This dude had curtains for walls, only one plate and one set of cutlery.

There was one pot in the kitchen. There was a projector in the living room with no couch or TV, just a projector, a bathroom sink filled with water. I was one pot in the kitchen. There was a projector in the living room with no couch or TV, just a projector. A bathroom sink filled with water. I was like, why is that?

Anyway, mold on the ceiling, no washing machine, and a pile of pizza boxes as tall as a man on 1 metre 67. Well, don't touch those. It's at the same place. Don't touch those. Oh, God.

Don't touch those. I asked you not to touch those. Keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800 How bad was the hookup's place? Place or garage? Oh, okay. How bad was the hookup's house?

That's the question. Yeah, this has happened on maths. It was a real bachelor's pad. Real bad bachelor's pad and she cried and some of our listeners should have cried as well given these texts. We're giving them a good sift, by the way. Some of them are so inappropriate. And seriously, if you've got sons,

if you're listening and you've got sons, because this is definitely the majority male. Oh, I know it is. You've got a responsibility to send them out into the world slightly better prepared. If you spoil them, your name should be printed on the wall

as a contact for any person that goes back to that house and... Just to take some feedback and complaints. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Totally. Okay, I don't know. I slept with a guy that lived in a flat with three other guys and the kitchen, it was just unbelievable. The kitchen was so disgusting,

I'm surprised the dishes didn't get up and walk away they had a smoker's room where apparently you go in and shut the door oh yeah what like an airport in Europe yeah

in a huge round table that was full of empty bottles that I put my drink on the edge of the table and a bottle fell off the other side that's how many bottles

there were it was a rat's heaven listen to this there was no ceiling in his room. What, just straight at the underside of the roof? No, just a blue tarp. Also, no floor in the bathroom.

So we had to walk over beer boards to get to the shower, which also had no door, just a good old tarp again. Well, maybe they were renovating. Yeah, they were, but like... Right. Still, no roof. Yeah. I was taken back to...

Oh, wait. That guy did give her a clean towel for her shower. Well, that's nice. So that's something. That's points. That's the last thing she was expecting. Yeah. But what state was the shower in?

Oh, we now have two children. We live in a house that he built me. Oh, my God. Okay. There you go. He won her over. Look past it and you shall prevail. I went back to what I would describe as a disgusting student flat.

Went into the room that I was like, this is rank. And then there was a knock at the door and his mate came in. And it turned out we were at his mate's house because he said, my house isn't this nice. So whenever I have a hookup, I bring him to my mate's house. And I was like, this is disgusting. I grabbed all my stuff and I jumped out the window. Oh, my God.

Yuck. Oh, my God. Bunk beds. I went back to look up and he's like, top or bottom? No. No. That means something else too. Yeah, it does.

But not in this case. It was bunks. Top or bottom bunks. Yep. I only stayed once and apparently they did a big clean before I got there. But I tell you what, I don't know what the big clean clean. Imagine the before the clean. I know.

I went to a boy's house after the pub. It was a mezzanine floor above a stables that he worked at. Only a mattress on the floor and a clothes chair. That was it. And you could hear the horses. Oh, that would be quite nice. You can probably smell them, I'd imagine. Yeah.

Actually, not as nice. Chick had a bin overflowing with dirty nappies and a litter tray filled with cat toons and a stack of cruisers. Stack of cruisers, will you? A stack of empty cruiser bottles. Okay. Oh, you don't keep the cruiser bottle.

That's not a bottle worth keeping, is it? That's not a classy bottle. No. Are you trying to just keep a tally on how many cruisers you've drunk? Put a little scratch on something. Oh, gosh. Somebody is demanding a spillover to Little Pod. I'm not comfortable saying some of these things out loud.

Yeah, I think some of it's just better left forgotten in the past. Yeah. Oh, I'm not reading that. I'll read the second half of it. This place is full of mould and they had a poor, unfortunate dog. And apparently the dog was a chick magnet, but it peed every time she got excited, so the whole carpet stunk.

I only stayed once. Oh, God. I only stayed once. I only stayed once. Oh, God. I only stayed once. I only stayed once. Wild messages. Well, clean up, everyone. It's a bit manky, isn't it? Ugh.

Okay, if you had to rate, review, or marry Fletch, Vaughn, or Hayley, what one would it be? Okay, I would marry Hayley. I would have sex. Wait, which one is it?? Okay, I would marry Hayley. I would have sex. Wait, which one is it? No, no, no, no. It's only rate, review, marry.

Oh, okay. No comment. I could have sex with the podcast. I don't know how that would work. Give us a sexy little review, though.