ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 26th September 2023

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

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The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshporn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fleshporn and Hayley. Hayley's back. United we stand. Did you breeze through the busy Auckland airport yesterday? It was nothing.

It felt busy, but then I just, I don't know, just flew through. I was prepared. I downloaded podcasts. I was prepared. I downloaded podcasts. I was like chill. I'd had about five drinks on the plane to just keep relaxed. Yeah. And then I just totalled out of there straight into an Uber. Right through.

Fantabulous. Did anybody get me any duty free? No. Well, you didn't ask. Oh, shoot. It goes without saying, made a pack, a carton of pormals. You don't smoke. Oh my god, remember buying people cartons?

My friend always asked me for rollies. Oh my god, yes. Every time, every time. Was it about cartons? Simon travels lots, but he doesn't smoke anymore, does he? Does he? No, he doesn't. Everyone had the mate that would ask, Brad Watson,

who was a shocker for a carton of Paul Malls. We should do a name and show on the show where you ring up and tell us who used to get you to buy a carton of ciggies when you were going through duty free. And I was always so torn. I was like, you shouldn't be. No, this is a lot. Yeah, but it's so much cheaper, so I'll just save you the money at least.

Yeah. Yeah, well, they did get you the money at least. Yeah. That's right. I didn't get you some Paul Malls. Sorry, mate. Do they do duty-free like mince and cheese vapes? I don't know. No, they don't. Do they even do cigarettes anymore?

Yeah. I don't think you can bring in a carton, though. No, I don't even think I've seen them. No, I'm pretty sure they restricted the number you can bring in. It was like four packs or something. Right. Actually, that's a good call. I don't can bring in. It was like four packs or something. Right. Actually, that's a good call. I don't think I've ever seen them in Duty Free New Zealand for a long time.

Wow. For travellers to New Zealand, Duty Free tobacco is now limited to 50 cigarettes or 50 grams of cigars or two or one pack. Or 50 grams of a mixture of all three. Wow. Two packets. That's one little pouch. One little pouch of rollies. That's why they're not selling them at the airport anymore.

Oh, my God. That's incredible. That's good. Yeah, okay, wow. When did they change that? That's a while. Well, that's why we haven't been asked for a while then. Coming up on the show,

we'll give you the chance to win some cash at 8 o'clock, cash catch-up. Hayley, in your absence yesterday, how much did we dish out? $531? Oh, I like that Yeah So we play Three times a day

At 8 o'clock Midday And 4 o'clock So your next chance At 8 o'clock Listen now for the activator The top six on the way Alicia Keys

While she keeps on falling Falling In love with you Yeah this is why I didn't That was his song When X Factor auditions. Wow. I keep on falling in love.

Oh, I don't remember her doing that. It's a hard song. Great vibrato. She has trademarked Alicia Keys, no, Alicia Tees. Oh, for God's sake. As in a loose leaf tea. Not as in like teasing you.

You know what? I think this is good from her. It's funny. This made me laugh. I'd buy a bloody peppermint Alicia Tees. Yeah, I'd buy a green Alicia Tees. Yeah. I'm not a fan of a green.

Oh, just Alicia Coffee. It'll only be so long before she branches out to a coffee. Yeah. It doesn't rhyme though, does it? I've got the top six other celebrities that should trademark properties like Alicia Keys, Alicia Teets. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

There is a mother from the United States. Her name's Tammy. Now I'm going to say alarm bells are already ringing. I'm Tammy. Tammy was looking for a babysitter for her kids and she posted a notice around town and it's now gone online and people have a lot

to say about it. It says babysitter needed ASAP, which is as soon as possible, Rocky, I believe. Yeah, it is. Now it said, I need someone to watch my four kids, age two, three, five and seven. Gosh, you're pumping them out, aren't you? I mean, already know that sounds like too much work.

That's a lot. Busy ages. From noon till six, Monday to Friday, occasional weekends. So that's six hours a day. Here are her requirements. Must be a great cook and avid cleaner.

Great cook. Over 25 years old. Minimum education master's degree. Oh. That's what you get after you do a whole normal degree. Yeah. No social media. Brackets.

I don't need my kids seeing that. Okay. No drinking. No smoking. Not even vaping. No tattoos or piercings, need five professional references, background checks and drug tests will be conducted.

Okay. This job pays $200 a week. What? And this is six hours a day. Okay, wow. Must have own transport to get to and from while also running all my errands. Alright, this woman is... Please call Tammy if interested.

Wow. She's got a marketing, right? A master's? Yeah. And then divide that, how many hours are you working? That's a lot of hours. It works out to $6 an hour. Oh, wow. And so she wants someone with a master's degree to earn $6 an hour. Yeah,

to work six hours a day, Monday to Friday. So a full-time job, essentially. And also run up Ks in their own car doing her errands. Own transportation. Yeah, right, okay. And no social media. You want to find a 25-year-old in America that doesn't have social media?

I mean, I get that you want someone good-looking after your kids, but you just get the neighbour, right? That's what we did We just had the neighbour Or just They popped over Yeah Or they just sat on the other side of the fence

And they just kept an eye out for like Smoke and stuff Yeah You guys alright Leave some chips in a bowl And lock the door And come back in six hours I remember asking

I can't even remember her name But she was our babysitter For a couple of years And they were always just teenagers You always thought they just knew everything, like they were in charge. And I remember asking one of them to wipe my bum. I remember going to the toilet at that age where you were still, I would have been

like four years old or something. Yeah. But I still needed a bit of a hand. At four? You remember that? Yeah, I do. And a teenager wiped your bum? I remember going to the toilet and then coming up to him being like, This bum ain't going to wipe itself. Basically.

Are you just being a brat on purpose? Or did you actually need it wiped? I think my mum used to wipe my bum. Oh, God. For God's sake. Patsy really pandered to you, didn't she? Yeah, she did. She really did.

I just have that interaction in my head. The rest of us were on our own, didn't she? Yeah, she did. She really did. I just have that interaction in my head. The rest of us were on our own, weren't we? Yeah. We recorded our babysitter screaming at us, like yelling at us. Oh. On the little Walkman that we had under our bed to listen to the radio and tape songs off the radio. We pressed record and had her yelling at us.

And that was the same night that mum found she'd made her own dip using onion soup and what's that her own dip using onion soup. Yeah. And what's that stuff called? French onion soup. Reduced cream. Reduced cream. Not sweetened condensed milk.

I'm listening. And she'd made the dip and then obviously not liked it and scooped it all straight into the bin. My parents, huge. Oh, that would have been a lot of waste. A lot of waste in the 90s. Also, lost respect for if she doesn't like a kiwi onion dip.

I don't either. You know this about me, don't you? It's disgusting. It's wallpaper paste. Oh my god, it's the most delicious dip. What is tomato sauce? It's average. Yeah, I think it's average too. Give me a chutney any day. A Whitlock's chutney. That's a different game.

It's a different game. Wait, so your parents found this thrown out dip Give me a chutney any day. A Whitlocks chutney. Yeah, but that's a different game. You're a different game. No, it's a different game. It's a Whitlocks chutney. That's a chutney. Wait, so your parents found this thrown out dip and then you had entrapped her on an audio recording device. Yeah, it was a liar. No, no, no. We had the lead up.

Right. Because we knew it was going to happen because it happened previously and they didn't believe us. Right. But we'd go to bed or whatever and we'd just be like quietly talking and she'd stop down the hallway and like yell at us. And mum and dad were like, it is just insane. So they fired her?

Yeah, well, they just never got her back. When they went to their rock and roll dancing. Oh, my gosh. Which they said they were going rock and roll dancing, didn't they? Yeah, they're having a bit of car action, I reckon. They've parked up somewhere for a little bit of cuddles. Who could blame them? Have you been in a house with children?

Yes, I have. Three of them? Yeah, horrible. Two boys and a girl, all irritating and loud. Good for them. Paper thin walls. That was a very old house. Yeah. No insulation. I'm happy for them. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I'm just doing some quackulations here.

Yeah, babe. On every time you say Ed Sheeran, every single time you say Ed Sheeran, my Siri thinks. Yeah, same. Yeah, yours did it too. Mine just went up as well. It's so annoying. Ed Sheeran.

Ed Sheeran. Ed Sheeran. I don't know why. It just does it. Is it ZM Ed Sheeran? ZM Ed Sheeran. So Siri thinks ZM Ed Sheeran. Something like that.

But that doesn't sound like Hayes. Hayes. How many minutes in two hours 11? So 120 plus 11 is 131. Okay, so let's just go 130. There has been a record set for the women's marathon. 132 minutes. How do I calculate this?

Give us the hours. She did 2 hours 11 and 53 seconds. 2 hours 11, 53 seconds. So 42.2 kilometers. Just divide it. What's her average speed? So per kilometer, she was doing 3 minutes and 7.53 seconds. That is insane.

That is honking. That is insane. That is honking. That is insane. It is so fast. Kipchoge did the men's one in two hours, one minute and nine seconds. So she's 10 minutes off his pace. Which for a lad. Because of the boobs. The boobs.

We were hoisting boobs around. She doesn't have massive. No, of course you wouldn't if you're a lad, yeah. Because of the boobs. The boobs. We were hoisting the boobs around. She doesn't have massive. No, of course you wouldn't if you're a runner. Yeah. Tigest Asifa of Ethiopia smashed the record by like three minutes. Like that's a big shave of a record. Yeah, it is. Yeah, over 42 Ks though.

That is just insane. Have you seen the pace? What is that, 20? Is that 20 Ks an hour? Yeah, it's 19.2 Ks an hour. Have you seen the pace? What is that, 20? Is that 20 k's an hour? Yeah, it's 19.2 k's an hour. Have you ever had the treadmill up that fast? Did you see the videos when Kipchoge did his record and people were getting on the treadmill and running his pace?

It's a sprint. It's insane. It's a sprint. So every second, she did 5.33 metres. She must have a stride on her horse. she leggy is she leggy or is she a horse it's got to be one of them oh she's a leggy horse she's a lady that's it that was both isn't that just crazy this is holy it was now it was it's emotional that's okay. It's okay to be emotional. He's a feminist, man. He's a feminist. Yeah, he loves a speedy woman. I will say, and I don't want to be seen as, you know, trying to attack this record or this runner.

Here we go. This will be interesting. Go on. It was done in Berlin. Have you been to Berlin? Flat. Very flat. No hills.

Of course. I don't care. No hills. Yeah, you're right. What a little bitch. She should have taken on a bloody hilly one. She used to be an 800 metre specialist. Shoot, so she became a long distance.

Long distance. From what is, is 800 medium or is that still in the short umbrella? I don't know. Because 1500 is a medium distance. Or 200 for sprint. She is 26 years old.

She's from Ethiopia. She is 1 metre 68 tall. Okay. And 53 kilograms. So she's light. Has anyone checked she didn't get on like a lime scooter? Yeah, I think she got on a lime scooter. No, lime scooters, she could run faster than a lime scooter,

especially in Berlin. They have a lot of limited speed zones. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And also she would have had to have like got off and taken a photo of where she left the scooter.

And that takes time. Oh yeah, that takes time. That takes time. And there's a lot of no parking zones in Berlin, so she would have had to have found a place that it was okay to park. Even in like the, what, how long do you reckon it would take you to stop your scooter, put it on the stand, get out your phone, take a photo. How many seconds?

Roughly. Well, she's probably done a kilometre in the time it takes you to get on and off. Look at her gait. Look at that stride. She's just striding. And this is at the end. Those shoes look massive. They do look massive.

Springy. They're in at the moment, though, aren't they? Big shoes. I don't think she's caring too much about fashion. I don't know if it's a fashion thing, yeah. Look at that stride. She ran like that. That's like, that stride and the way she's

running and the arms that she's using to get herself going. That's the sort of run you could only keep up for a little while. And a bear has to be behind you. It's pure panic of being chased by that dog that everybody's like, no, he's friendly. He's friendly. He's not.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. Alicia Keys is set to release her own tea range. Alicia Tees. Alicia Tees. Yes. It's good. Good from her.

Alicia Tees. The move comes three years after the fallen hitmaker's husband, Swizz Beatz, presented her with her own Alicia Tease collection during her birthday celebrations. So he had a little thing made up. Crafted something up. And then put a little, he might have a cricket. A cricket. He might.

One of those vinyl things. Or a little label maker. Yeah, and he put it on there and she was like, I like that. I've got a brother label maker. It's good. Brother! At your side. Brother!

Brother! So handy, because when I go into your pantry, I can see that's pasta. That's the sugar. Yeah. Otherwise, how would you know? You wouldn't. You just wouldn't.

You just wouldn't. You'd be so lost in there. But the brother ones are on the white. Yeah, they're not as nice as the other ones. Cricket. All right. Cricket. Cricket.

We're at your side. Cricket. Do you remember when you, I know Fletch, that's what you're referencing, but Hayley, do you remember when once big time New Zealand celebrity Nikki Watson lost their dog Cricket in the surf at Matarangi Beach. I don't remember that. And a reporter went down and it must have been quiet. It was before the days of like pandemics, world destruction.

Yeah, yeah. There's a book called The Good Old Days? The Good Old Days when they had the time to go down, send a reporter down to Matarangi to walk along the beach with Nikki Watson. And she was screaming. Oh my God, it was so dead too. Oh my God, I never knew they found the body. Oh, now we all feel terrible, don't we? It was years ago. What was it? to Matarangi to walk along the beach with Nikki Watts and she was screaming, Cricket! Oh my god, I never knew they found the body. Oh, now we all feel terrible, don't we? It was years ago, what was it, 2007?

What's that thing called? The Statute of Limitations. Yeah, so, Cricket! And she was walking down the beach and the reporter said, Wait, we haven't even got to the best part yet. She's like, Cricket! And he's like, your horse.

And she said, no, my dog. Dude, it was a moment. It was a moment. You cannot. I've found the clip for you. I've found the clip for you. I've got to edit it. I don't know what's before and after. And also this.

Yeah, don't give that a breath. You find the bit. I'll take care of this. Okay. Because we've got well off topic. The top six other celebrities that should trademark properties like Alicia Keys, Alicia Tees. Number six on the list.

If you're off to the mountain this winter, what better than the Taylor Swift chairlift? Yeah, Taylor Swift chairlift. Taylor Swift chairlift. She could do that. And I would say if you were to draw a diagram Between the rich white girls That go skiing

And the rich white girls That like Taylor Swift VIP I'd say there'd be a Very There'd be a lot of crossover Yeah Then the local radio stations Reading out the snow reports

Would be like The Taylor Swift chairlift is open Yes Yep, that's what they're saying Would you just call it The Taylor lift? Taylor lift? It has to be

The Taylor Swift chairlift. It could be. Yeah, it might be a bit confusing otherwise. You might have other Taylors jumping on like Taylor Lorna. Or Taylor Hanson. Yeah, lots of Taylors. Ross Taylor. Number five on the list of the top six other silly rules

that should trademark properties like Alicia Keys, Alicia Tees. Mark Zuckerbergers. Now, I know that there's Mark Wahlberg he could get in on a bit of that and he could just have as much advertising Mark Zuckerberg just is so creepy

he's not eating many burgers at the moment he's jacked he's ripped he's jacked he's gross doesn't suit him and he's weird

and he does look like AI he's going to be a nerd yeah yeah number four on the list of the top six other celebrities that should trade black properties like Alicia Keys.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Wisconsin cheese. Wow. That's a mouthful. Yeah, it is. Yeah, great. But cheese from the heart of America's dairy land, Wisconsin. We would have thought he was selling rocks, but he's selling cheese.

He's selling cheese. Yeah. Yeah. There was another one I could have rhymed with rock, but it was not appropriate. Number... Dwayne the Socks Johnson. Yeah, that would have been good as well.

Yeah. Yeah, the Socks. Yeah. Number three on the list of the celebrities that should trademark properties like Alicia Tease, Selena Gomez's glow feathers. Now, you're familiar with the fez, the hat? Yeah.

Yeah. Of sort of... Yeah. It's like a little Egyptian hat. Round hat. Brutalist hat. These are glow-in-the-dark fezes. Okay. So Selena Gomez's glow fezes.

Okay. Limited market for those. I think she'll be able to sell it because she's got millions of Instagram followers. Number two on the list of the top six celebrities that should trademark properties like Alicia T's are the Tom Cruise booze crews. Yeah, that's good. Yes.

I like that. And the music choice is blues. Yeah, yeah. So you could say the Tom Cruise blues booze crews. Yeah, I'd call the Tom Cruise blues booze crews. Unlike one of those old Mississippi steamships. Yeah, paddle standers. Paddle standers. Paddle standers,

yeah, you know it. And number one on the list of the top six celebrities that should trademark properties like Alicia T's, the Rihanna banana. Yeah.

Oh yeah, like Chiquita. Chiquita bananas, but the Rihanna banana. And wait, has Chiquita got bananas? Chiquita, Chiquita,

that's why she has, she owes Spain all those tax dollars. Yeah, a lot of bananas. Man, some people love bananas. Yeah, they do. Count me in.

I'm one of them. I love bananas. That's the day's top six. The man has been applauded online for... Applauding the man online. Online. The genius way. Carwen just walked in With her toast

And just started clapping Yeah Okay We're just walking on We're applauding men Carwen Great And Shannon And what a wonderful job

They're doing running the planet No Yeah No now she's stopped She's cancelling her applause She's taking the claps back Just how they're on top You can take claps back

You can It's not like Tiggy Yeah Can't take your master Oh right yeah You can give that straight back. You can. Now, he is being applauded because he has come up with a way

to keep up with his wife's friends. And I feel like his wife sounds like a bit of a Hayley, a collector of friends of sorts. I thought you were going to say a bit much. His wife sounds like she's a bit much. Sorry, wow. I think I'm just right. I think I'm Kellogg's just right.

Yeah. Now, she's got a lot of friends and he's always like, I can't keep up. You talk about Sandra. Which one's Sandra? Yep. And then Becky came in. Who now?

Which one's she? What's Becky's husband? What does he do again? So he keeps a notebook and he'll write a title like Becky, husband, Mark. Yeah., job, seamstress. I don't know who Becky is. Food allergies. All right.

Doesn't eat pork. Da-da-da-da. Kids, hobbies, likes, dislikes, things he learns about her friends so that when she starts talking about Becky and Mark, he can flip through his book and go, I know exactly who that is and how I'm supposed to know them and where my wife knows them from. Why doesn't he just do what the rest of us do and just go, oh yeah. G'day mate. Oh yeah.

And then just go along with it. Because he's an attentive husband. How's work going? That's a good one. That's a good one. I always use it. How's work? Yeah, how's it going? I suppose you could call it work. Between jobs at the moment? Yeah. That's a good one. I always use it. How's it going? Let's do that one. Yeah. How's it going? Work? I suppose you could call it work. Between jobs at the moment.

Yeah. Aye. See how long you can keep it going, Vaughn. Okay. You don't know me. Okay. Okay. Hey, man.

Hey, Vaughn. How are you? G'day, man. How are you? Yeah, yeah. Bloody go. Bloody go. Well, you know, considering.

Oh, no. What's happened? You know. She told you last week. Oh, that. You're still on about that. Jesus. All right.

I would have got over it. It was a pretty major life event. She was only your mum. That's all right. They all die, don't they? What? No, I think, yeah, we're talking about different things. Oh, yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I think you do need a notebook. Yeah. How are the girls? What girls? Your girls. I don't have girls. Yes, you do.

You've got two daughters. I guess we're both confused who we're talking to anyway. I'll catch you later, mate. No, you wouldn't last. You couldn't even last a minute before you're caught out. I'm tapping out. Keep a little notebook, I reckon. But what?

See, some people just think this is creepy, though. Well, some people were like, it's weird. Like, what if your wife found it and was like, why is he keeping tabs on my friends? But he was like, he shared it on Reddit and was like, this is what I do. And then other people were like, no, it's fantastic. If you don't have the ability to hold that information in your head, why not?

Yeah, because I forget those little details about things. He wants to be a good present husband. Then when his friends come around, he can say, Martha, I see that you're back in the saddle. Because she's a horse rider. She's a horse rider. Yeah, right. And she'll be like, yeah, I am. Thank you, Kevin. back in the saddle? Because she's a horse rider. She's a horse rider. Yeah, right. She'd be like, yeah, I am.

Thank you, Kevin. Yeah. Because I wouldn't imagine anyone called Martha's back having sex. No, no, no. She's definitely horsey. No, she's horsey. Well, this is a good idea. I think if your wife or your partner or anyone has too many bloody friends to keep up with.

Get out a 1B5. Is that the notebook? Is that the 1B a 1B5? Is that the notebook? Is that the 1B5, the notebook? Is that the little one? No, it's not a 1B5. You want the letters down the side like a spelling book. Oh, no, like an address book. Like a Rolodex because then you can flip straight to their name.

Oh, a dress book's good. Get yourself to the warehouse station and get an address book. But if they're too much, get a 1B5. And if they get a 1B5. And if you get a 1B5 you're done. Have you started Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Have ye started yine Christmas dial of shop? What? With two P's and an E. Yeah.

Have you started your Christmas shopping? 89 days until Christmas. That's nice. That's starting to feel nice. That's starting to get to like X amount of paydays. You'll be able to say that's X amount of paydays until Christmas. Yeah, I know. That's not as nice. That's's X amount of paydays till Christmas. Yeah, I know. That's not as nice.

That's not as nice when you work that out. Not nice. Not nice. 22% of people will say yes, they have Saturday Christmas shopping. 78% have said

no, they have not. When is that big Black Friday shopping thing that's never as good as Thanksgiving? Is it? Oh.

No, isn't there something before? Cyber. Cyber. No, isn't there something before? Cyber. Cyber. Cyber Monday's after. Singles Day is November the 11th. That's a big traditional Chinese shopping day. Not for people who are single, by the way.

We made that misassertion a little while ago. Someone said it's because it's like 1-1-1-1 on the date. Oh, okay, right. Black Friday sales will be 24th-ish of November. Of Nov. But then we've talked before about those. They kind of hike the prices pre

so that any discounts aren't actually that great. You stay out for those massive Halloween sales. Yeah, that's where you want to get in. Pumpkin-themed gifts for Christmas. Yeah, 100%. Well, some feedback. Ruby says, No, but I've planned out

most of my gifts. So I guess if you've got them planned, you can keep an eye on them for specials and such, right? Yeah. Kayla said, no, because I'm all for the last minute.

Nothing like a panic shop. Yeah, love it. Sarah, because I'm only just back from maternity leave, so I'm poor, so no, I haven't started. Well, tell you what, Sarah,

you've got enough to worry about this Christmas. You've got a baby. Also, like, with constant living, the pressures on... It's going to be a stripped back Christmas, presence-wise, in our house, definitely. Because apparently interest rates are going to go up. Did you hear this? Interest rates might pop up again before Christmas.

Wouldn't that be neat? Wouldn't that be neat? I'm locked in. I'm locked and loaded. You're all locked in. I'm locked and loaded. Oh, I've got a big chunk coming off soon. Yeah, I know.

I reckon it's going to come off just in time for another prize hike. I reckon I'm just going to be burning, burning money, burning it, burning it. Burn it. Who is that well-planned, says Emma? Certainly not me. Nervous laugh, smile, cry. Just get vouchers or experience. I'm a, God, I love a voucher.

If you give me a Prezi card, 20 bucks on it, I'm stoked. It sits in my wallet and then one day I'll be like, ooh. Ooh, I got that. Yeah, totally. Vanessa said, yeah, I've started a shop throughout the year. And Joe's another one that does that too, to spread the cost and also ease the stress of panic buying. Yeah, that is really good.

I will not stress, you know? Like, if you're stressing about Christmas, just don't do it. People will understand. Yeah, just don't do it. Yeah, now more than ever. Like Rose, who said, I am refusing to be a part of any gift exchange in this year.

Yeah. I want a little something. No. I want a little something to open on the day. Emma said, No, I've got three November birthdays to get through first. Oh, wow. Yikes. No. Emma said no, I've got three November birthdays to get through first. Oh, wow. Yikes, yeah. Linda

says I've actually nearly finished. Wow. Linda. Organised. Organised Linda, that's what they call her. They do, yeah. Life admin Linda, and she's all over it. So, you've got 89 days left. Well, my birthday's first. Don't forget that.

That's in just over, just under two weeks. Are we doing something? We're just having drinks at the pub for your birthday. Is that the owl going all the way there? Well, it's eight minutes down the road from Vaughan. Which is eight minutes away from my house. Yeah, but that's like a $50

Uber for me. But you'll be split sharing it with other friends yeah but that's 25 each way so that's kind of my presence my presence is your present yeah that's a good one that's a good one that's a good one and maybe that's good yeah is that okay yeah no because the weddings cost you way more you should that's why we're coming to your wedding too and in fact our presence at your wedding is probably birthday and Christmas combined. Yeah, that's enough because we've got to get the flights over there. Yeah.

So that's going to cost a lot. Yeah, but you're already going to be over. Like, there's no need to make a special trip. By the way, Vaughn, Hayley, very drunk on Friday, invited us to her wedding. Oh my God, I did. So interesting that she's backtracking now. Interesting that she's backtracking. No, I didn't say you're invited to the wedding.

I said, look, whoever's in Europe at the time to which the room said, we all are. Oh, yeah. I won't be because of those interest rates. I was just talking about this before. Yeah, mate. That's all right. I accept your absence.

But you can just give me the cash equivalent. Excuse me? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So bartenders are all chiming in and saying this is true because a short clip from a bartender's gone viral because she was saying how she tricks people who ask for stronger drinks, but without wanting to pay a double shot.

Now, producer Shannon, who has worked in a bar or in a hospital, this is a thing. People are like, make my drink strong. Yeah, and they always say, I'd be like, do you want a double shot? No. That's BS. Even a double's weak. But I never thought double

was standard at bars. It depends, yeah. It's half of what you pour yourself at home. Yeah, and I'm thinking more cocktails, this is more of a thing. So people order a cocktail and then be like, it's too weak and then they don't want to pay for a stronger drink. Yeah, because like 80% of cocktail ingredients are

not alcohol. Correct. And so it's all just mixy-wixy. Yeah. So the trick that she revealed is that if I was to go into a bar and ask for a stronger drink, one, they might change the glass and make it even smaller so that some of the mix is going out but you've still got the same amount of booze.

And then they'll add an extra bit of the sour element of the mix, like lime or lemon or bitters or whatever. Which in New Zealand, if you're actually adding lime, it would probably be cheaper to add more alcohol. Add more alcohol. That makes it seem like, wha, a bit more like bitey, like far out. Yeah, that's a good drink.

Is that what you do? Yeah, absolutely. And then there was another trick we used to do. If someone kind of came back a few times, this wasn't for nice customers. This was when someone would real haggle you. Yeah. And they'd be like, make it stronger.

We would have a cup of spirits under the bar, just like a cup of vodka. And you'd just dip the straw in there, chuck your finger on, like siphon the, and just put a bit of vodka in the straw. So that first sip tastes really strong, and they'd go oh, thank you, and they'd give you a big tip, and

then off they went. Why would they give you a tip? Because they wanted more booze in their drink. Why didn't they just buy themselves another shot and just pour it into their drink. People are so dumb. I think it's weird as well because I was at a place where we would get tips, whereas normally, and I know across the country, tips aren't that common.

But yeah, so we would just kind of make them think the first sip of their drink was quite strong. That is crafty. That's genius though. That's really smart. And because you hold your finger on the straw, it's right there. Yeah, so you're like, oh, get out. That's genius, though. That's really smart. And because you hold your finger on the straw, it's right there. Yeah, so you're like, oh, get out. That's crazy. Yeah, I've even seen some bartenders, like, pour it directly down the straw,

but I don't have the coordination. I feel like then you'd be taking a shot accidentally. Yeah, I've seen the dip in the straw, put your finger on the top, put it in, and then just leave it, and the alcohol sits in the straw, so that first sip's just really strong alcohol. I mean, I'm also going to do that to myself at home with my little metal straws, just a little kickity-wickity.

Yeah. Because I've got a hefty pour. Yeah, right. Because that might stop me doing a hefty pour. I like to taste it, you know? Yeah. Well, otherwise, why wouldn't you just be having a... Having a lemonade.

Yeah, exactly. Get a lemonade. Oh, we're very smart. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Something I've noticed a lot lately, and I don't know if you guys have noticed this too What's irking you? It is, it's irking me I noticed this on a couple of websites the other day

Ordering a few things And you go to like their, I don't know, FAQs Or their postage delivery kind of section And they're like Due to COVID Due to like restrictions at the moment, due to like staff shortages. And it's like, is this still a thing?

No, I reckon it's because I had this the other day as well. And it was like, you know, we're attempting to fulfill your order as soon as possible, but due to COVID delays. And I was like, what? It's done. It's done. It's done. What's the new variant? Spirola.

Spirola. Spirolina. Spirolina. No, but it's not even the COVID. I don't know, just these web, I think I sent an email to someone yesterday. There's Spirolina. Yeah, he's got a Spirolina variant.

Sent an email to an organisation yesterday and they're like, due to the overwhelming high demand at present. It's like, you can't say that anymore. Get more staff. No one's like, no one has any patience for this at the moment. Yeah, I also think they've just left shit on their website.

And left like reply email bounce backs. Yeah, I think so. I saw a check-in QR code on a door. Where was I? Like a COVID QR code. Yeah, as a joke, I opened up the app and scanned in. Does it still, because I deleted that app from my phone, but does it still work?

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't do the Bluetooth tracing anymore. I got a notification the other day saying we're no longer letting you know if you've been in close contact with someone with COVID. Right. But the same thing, like, take down your QR codes. Yeah.

Leave them up. No, it's triggering. It's triggering. We don't need the reminder. Reminder of a simpler time. I hate walking into a shop and you see them. You just like, you do a shudder. It's like, come on, we're moving on.

I know. Yeah, it's horrendous. Update your websites. Update your bounce backs. Send me my parcel What did you order? What are you shopping for? When I got the bounce back

About the overwhelming demand That's when I was complaining About my parking fee At Auckland Airport You're such a What so they said We're going to struggle To get back to you

Yeah Due to everybody Overwhelming Blah blah blah But it is busy at the moment You were there And it was busy at the moment. You were there and it was busy and that was why

you were delayed getting to your car park and you were charged more. So you lived through their busyness. No, it's not the pandemic anymore. You get more staff. Well, yeah.

I think that's what they're struggling with though, isn't it? Yeah. But then no one, yeah, no one wants to pay anybody. Also, no one wants

to deal with you. Just pay it. And they're just hoping that'll be enough and you'll give up. No, it was an extra $25 from the quoted parking amount, Hay No, it was an extra $25 from the quoted parking amount, Hayley Sproul.

Is that $25? That's gonna end you. It's the principal. It's the principal. Oh my gosh. Not what I thought you were gonna call him. This happened the other day at home When Sade was stropping around Oh she's stropping

Stropping around No she was just like Who's left this here And get the stuff off the bench She was just stropping about Walking As she was walking around I started going

As she walked Wow He's got a death wish Yeah yeah I don't know what was happening there Yeah I started going, do-ing, do-ing, do-ing, do-ing, do-ing, do-ing, as she walked. Wow. He's got a death wish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what was happening there. It just was funny. And then when she stopped, I'd stop. And then she'd start again.

Oh, my God. Do-ing, do-ing, do-ing, do-ing. How? Do-ing, do-ing, do-ing, do-ing, do-ing. And then she'd slow right down to see if I was doing it in time with her feet, and I was. And then I said, man, that's a fun noise to make. Tongue control required.

Fletcher won't be able to do it. He's got terrible tongue control. Oh, wow. Your spring's broken. You sound like one of those things behind the door. You know that? So that was my, she was walking around and I was doing that. So that was a fun noise to make.

Yeah. I'm not very good at noises. No, you're not. Nah, you're not. It's not a strong suit. And then I was like, we will do a phone-in topic on what is your favourite noise to make. And I mean. I've got a goodie.

I've got a goodie. I've got a goodie. Yeah. That's pretty amazing. I reckon breathe across because we're hearing too much breath and not enough to weep. That's better. That sounds like a drip, doesn't it? So good, eh?

I could work in folly there. Thank you. Wow, how did you learn to do that? Thank you. Someone did it to once and told me. I think my cousin taught me how to do it. You go, like blowing out, and then you flick the bottom of your chin.

No, I can't do it. I can't do it because I can't get enough. You can't get enough. My beard absorbs too much shock. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you want people to do? Call up and do the best noise they can do with their mouth?

No, no, no, just their favourite noise to make. By the way, behind the scenes, Vaughan's been like, we should do this thing. And everyone's been delaying it. And I said, we'll do it tomorrow. We keep pushing it. We keep pushing it. I was like, oh, well, I'm away, so I can't do it then.

As a kid, I was constantly told to stop making that noise. Really? Because I'd make a noise and then my parents would be like, please stop that because I would just do it over and over and over again. And I used to get told off when I worked at the petrol station. I should have told them to shove it up their ass because they were only paying me $4.

Gee. I used to walk around the forecourt doing that multi-finger clicking. Oh my god, that would be annoying, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but I managed they weren't paying me enough to really care too much about it. Yeah, right. And they were like, please stop making that noise. You've got to take home the adult magazines with the covers ripped off the front of them,

so I don't know why you're complaining. Nah, because I never worked Sunday nights, and that's when they came for the magazine covers. Oh, no. I thought Scott worked Sunday nights. Oh, Scott. And always requested. Scott's a bastard.

Always requested to work Sunday nights. Yeah. So you could get the Rudy magazine. Yeah, because he's like, oh, I do other stuff during the week in days, so I'll Sunday nights. Yeah. So you could get the Rooney magazine. Yeah, because he's like, oh, I do other stuff during the week in days, so I'll work nights. Yeah. It was fully for the Rooney mags. Yeah.

Bugger, mate. Fully for the Rooney mags. Cut the cover off. It's in the back. And then you get to keep the Rooney mags. Like at the end of the week, a Rooney mag expires. Yeah, I know. It's so weird.

Yeah. Oh, my God. These are last week's breasts. Oh, I know. It's so weird. Yeah. These are last week's breasts. I can't look at those. That's not going to do the job. It is February. I will not be looking at January's breasts anymore.

They're already out of fashion. Yeah. That's annoying. You are proposing that people call up and end the radio show now. Yeah, yeah. People are good at making odd noises. I don't think many people are good at noises. Someone could be really good at dogs or birds. What if this person messaged you on the phone saying, I can whistle like a bellbird when I've got nothing to do? Go on.

What about tuis? People that can do the tui. Oh, yeah. It's that. No, I can't. It's that. That the tui do that I can't quite roll into off a whistle. There's your best noise.

I've been out in nature. Jesus, the birds in town are different to the ones out west, I tell you. The fantail's easy to do. I'll teach you right now. Okay. Lick your knuckles. The ones that are closest to your fingernails, not the big grunty knuckles. What are you putting for these?

A second trick? No. And suck. Oh, that sounds disgusting. It's so dribbly. Mine is so wet. Yuck, yuck. My fingers are numb.

You over licked your fingers. You over licked the fingers. You over licked. Okay, so 0800-DARLS-IT-M. I don't know how successful this is going to be, but we have to do this, otherwise Vaughan said he was quitting. Yeah, we need him.

Despite the fact that mortgage rates are going up and he will have no other way to pay his mortgage. I'd love to see you walk, but it's not going to happen. I'd just be in the whole place. 0800 DALS at M. Give us a call. You can text through 9696. And make a noise.

Make a cool noise. The best noise you can make. It's really a chance for you to show off your noise, isn't it? I love the people texting in saying, I can do this noise. Well, that's no good to us. Sure, right? You're a fool.

You're a fool already, I'm afraid, man. You can't hear it through your texts. Vaughn said, I want to do this phone-in topic or I'm quitting. And I've been pushing for weeks to get this off the show,

to keep it off the show. Oh, no, it hasn't been weeks. It's been months. Oh, it's been months. It's been years. He's been trying, but today was the day that Vaughn gets his way

and Vaughn wants people to call up. And I'll say, I don't think the phones are ringing off the hook. No, they're not. Are they? There's a couple of calls. Yeah. I just thought people might have wanted a sort of a way to express themselves. People love making noise.

People aren't show ponies like you. Yeah, that's true. People aren't show-offs. People don't have noises. People do have noises. No, they don't. Everybody's got a noise deep inside them. They just don't know they can do it yet. No, they don't. Somebody's got a noise deep inside them. They just don't know they can do it yet.

No, they don't. Somebody said, I don't even know. I could make the do-yo-yo-yoing noise and I can. So no. Well, Hayley's got a better day. Hayley's drip noise really set the bar, I think. See, that's a good noise. God, that's good, eh?

I don't know how you do it. I just don't know. That's the important bit, the slap of the skin, because that's the slap of the drop on the water. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Pain is, you're feeling pain for your arm. You don't say ow as you flick your chin.

Because that overrides the drop. Yeah, but I'm not getting the drop noise when I, ow. No, you're not even making the, oh. Oh, no. I think I made it, and you bloody yapping all over it. You've got to get the, yay! Good work. that was really good that's nice

I feel like somebody said it's a slow radio day the day's as fast as we want it to be mate yeah it can be a slow radio it can be a fast radio

it's just that Vaughan has crowbarred in this terrible idea for a phone in topic we are having fun we are having it we do have a couple of calls

Ksenia, good morning. I'm going to make this noise a lot now. Good morning. Hi. Good morning. You've finally heard a radio topic that you thought, I can call in for this one. Are you a long-time listener, first-time caller?

Yes, first time, yes. Oh, welcome, welcome, welcome. Now, what is the noise that you can make? Well, I can do a cat hiss and fight. Oh, give it to us. Give it to us. And fight. Yeah, I'm here for it.

Okay, all right. Okay, go. Which one do you want to hear? Oh, let's go cat hiss. Hiss. Or what about both? Let's do both. Okay, hang on.

Okay. That's good. They do do that. They do do that. They wind up like a slide. They do do that. We're going to be sending all the people listening at home. We're fighting. She's out on the street.

We're out on the street. And then they're giving it that low belly. And then we're like, wow. Wow. To be honest, I actually did it once to the cat, and they actually were like, what? What's happening? The cat said what?

You're hissing and now the cat's speaking English. Yeah, you're like, the cat's like, what? You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. The cat just said what? Ksenia, fantastic. Thank you so much. George, good morning, George. Yeah, g'day.

How you going? Good. I don't know if you're going to beat a cat fight. Oh, yeah. Have you ever heard of the blue chuck? What? The pookie call. The pookie call?

Yeah, okay. I'm a blue chuck farmer in Hawke's Bay. Okay. You don't actually farm them. They're just everywhere, aren't they? Well, yeah, they're pretty much farmed. They don't actually farm them. They're just everywhere, aren't they? Well, yeah, they're pretty much fine. They don't leave my pennant. I live in Auckland and I've got two of them.

What do they sound like? They do. That's so noisy. They're the worst native bird. Okay, that sounds like... Wait, sorry, can we get it one more time, please, George? Sounds like something else, I've got to tell you. That'll set the cat off.

There, George, thank you so much. Okay, I've come around. I like this phone-in topic now. I've been highly entertained. I've been crying with laughter. Someone said, out come the gremlins. That's what's happening topic now. I've been highly entertained. I've been crying with laughter. Someone said, out come the gremlins. That's what's happening right now.

Someone can do a whale. Well, don't text in saying it. Where are they? They're not here. I want to hear the whale. Yeah. That's good stuff. I think we'll put an end to this.

Someone said that they were the one that said they could do a bell bird and then we did the two-e with the eh on the end and they said that's the main difference between a two E and a bell bird. Did they like my eh? They didn't say. They did though, didn't they?

Oh, it goes without saying that's a fantastic noise you made there. Fantastic, thank you. We've all discovered something today. Yeah, perfect. Oh my God, it's a two person job. So Taylor Swift, you might have seen this over the weekend. She was at a baseball football game.

Football game. Miami Dolphins. American Dolphins. The Dolphins absolutely destroyed them. Sports, your absolute forte. Sports is my thing, especially American sports. It was like one point off being the biggest defeat of all time in the NFL. Wow.

Everyone's just gone crazy for the Dolphins. Right. Is he in the Dolphins, this fella, or is he in the Chicago Bears? He's in the Chiefs? Yeah. The Bears weren't playing in that game. His brother's in the – is his brother in the – No, no one's in the Chiefs? Yeah. The Bears weren't playing in that game. His brother's in the... Is his brother in the...

No, no one's in the Chicago Bears. This is Taylor Swift's new boyfriend. I just read something. Suspected new boyfriend. Suspected new bar friend. It was the Denver Broncos that the Miami Dolphins beat. It's irrelevant. They're not a Dolphin though.

Let's move on. I'm confused. She attended American football star Travis Kansas City Chiefs game against the Chicago Bears. Oh, okay Chiefs game against the Chicago Bears. Oh, okay. So he played the Chicago Bears. So apparently, and she was there watching with his mum, and everyone was like, what?

And apparently they were dating, right? And then afterwards, she tried to go out for dinner, and apparently she went into a restaurant and then paid for everyone in the restaurant to essentially finish your meal and get the hell out of here. Paid for them all so that she could have the whole restaurant for her and this

Travis fella. Is this right, Swifties at the booth? Yeah, so basically a while ago he went to her concert and was like I want to give her a friendship bracelet with my number on it. Wow, that's a good move from him, actually. That's hot.

That's swift. And so then when he was asked about this on a sports radio show, he said, I'd love for her to come watch me at the same stadium that I watched her play as well. Right. Oh, cute, cute. So that was this weekend. She was there.

Now, we're not sure if they're dating. We're not sure if they've met before this, but they were seen leaving the game together in a convertible. Hot. Hot. So it's not hot if they've met before this, but they were seen leaving the game together in a convertible. Hot. So it's not hot if it starts raining. Yeah, that's right, actually. Then you're looking rough and the whole car's soaked. She was seen really cheering from the box.

Supposedly, he kept looking up towards the box. He was mic'd up a few times. Why did you put a B in supposedly? Supposedly. You said supposedly. No, up towards the box. He was mic'd up a few times. Why did you put a B in supposedly? Supposedly. You said supposedly. No, you say it again. Supposedly. It did the G to E, supposedly.

Oh, whatever. Whatever one. God, we're talking about Taylor Swift. It doesn't matter. Her performance. He wears two. And her amazing performance. He wears two earrings her amazing performance. He wears two earrings.

But there. He's got one in the gay ear. He's got one in the gay ear. He's got one in the straight ear and he's got one in the gay ear. What does that mean? I still don't know which is a gay ear. It's your right one.

There was never a gay ear. At school there was always a gay ear. I was never a gay year. At school, there was always a gay year. I'm just having a look to see if I think of he's a cutie. He's not my type. Oh, really? Are you kidding me? He is. He is.

No, he's not. He's got short hair. Oh, yeah, but apart from that, he's got a beard. I would have thought he's totally your type. No, the short hair's thrown me. He does look a little bit like a country singer, though, eh? Yeah, and he's quite goofy and fun. He's 6'5", 113 kgs, 33, so he's the same age as Taylor Swift.

If you were at a restaurant, did they know that Taylor Swift was paying for their meals? I'm not sure, but I think people kind of put the dots together. No surprises. Georgia Burt's just messaged. He's so hot. You know, she's like, yeah,

of course, of course. Yeah, she would say that. He's got country vibes. He's got big country, He could easily be from Canterbury. Yeah,

I'll say it. No, no, Otago. Really? He's got Otago energy, I think. Oh,

right, okay. A little bit deeper. Okay. A little bit bigger. Well,ago energy, I think. A little bit deeper. Okay. A little bit bigger. Well, stay tuned, I guess, to see if he becomes Miss Swifty's new lover. We were over in Melbourne for the weekend, together and separately. Yeah, because I had you filming on Sunday.

I was filming on Sunday. And on the Sunday, I went to get a quick bite to eat before I headed to the studio. And I was sitting in the, it was like, I was in a really small, not great restaurant in South Yarra, Melbourne. Okay, it was the Yelp review. I was on my own. not great restaurant in South Yarra, Melbourne. Okay. It was the Yelp review.

I was on my own. And then I was just, I had my laptop and I was, you know, doing a bit of work. And then I just heard this like, Hayley. And I was like, someone's got the same name as me. Yeah. Interesting. And then quite loudly I heard like, mutter, mutter, mutter, Sproul.

And I was like, and I turned around and I looked at the screen. So there was Hayley, mutter, mutter, mutter, Sproul. So they were like, Hayley,

that B-I-T-C-H. Incredibly beautiful woman who they figured to die for. Sproul. No, it was like they were trying to figure something out. It was like a weird, it wasn't like,

it didn't sound like they were calling my name. It didn't sound like they were, it was weird they were trying to figure something out. It was like a weird, it wasn't like, it didn't sound like they were calling my name. It didn't sound like they were, it was weird. Like they didn't know what they were saying. They were talking about you, not to you. Yes. And then I turned around and that was exactly it. I was like, why aren't they looking at me?

Did they just sort of yell out, sprawl and then turn away? Yeah. And then I looked at them and I was like, hello. And then they looked at me and they went, hi. Oh my God, how desperate was that? I know. Wait, you had to ask them to look at you. It was more just like, who are you?

Like, why are you talking about me? Why are you talking about me? And they just looked at me. It's Melbourne because you're not from, you know, this is a different country. No, and I don't do a lot there. Yeah. And then I just looked at them and then I said, hello. And they said, hi.

And then one of the girls just looked at me and she was like, and then I went, did you just say my name? She was like, are you Hayley Sproul? And I said, yes I'm Hayley Sproul. She was like what the hell? Like what are you doing here? And she just goes crazy. She's like, are you actually oh my god, oh my god, it's Hayley Sproul. She's like, this is the thing, this is the thing. And I was like

what's the thing? What are we talking about? And these two girls who were thing what are we talking about and these two girls who are with one guy were talking about girl math and they were trying to tell him and they were showing him videos because he's obviously been living under a rock and hasn't seen one himself yeah of girl math and they just happened to be talking about girl math and then one of the girl mathers just happened to be in that restaurant even though I'm from a different country. Their mind was blown. That's pretty nuts.

I know. It was like just this weird sort of circumstance that they just happened to be talking about girl math in a restaurant that I just happened to be in. And they're big fans, I've got to tell you. And they were Aussies. Yeah, we're trans-Tasman, guys. We're global.

So they weren't Kiwis living in Australia. No, they were Aussies. They were Aussies. Yuck, don't want them. Yeah. I just stopped listening to this podcast. No, stop it. Just jokes.

Just jokes. Just jokes. Come on, man. Well, hopefully they bloody girl-mathed their lunch because it was expensive. Oh, really? So here comes the review. Yeah, no, it was good.

It was like a Vietnamese-style, street food-style place. What, like a summer rolls? Summer rolls. Was it a pho? Pho. There's a pho. Vermicelli salads. Yeah.

Yeah. Crispy duck? No, too fancy for this place. I'm losing it you're just going real like real deep Alice Springs time

anyway I gotta tell you it tickled me it tickled me somewhat and it tickled them too imagine just like talking about someone and then they're there and they're just there

and you're like what like some kind of magic or something who are you why are you talking to us I'm like why are you talking about me

Hayley Sproul they really hit the Sproul Like some kind of magic or something. Who are you? Why are you talking to us? I'm like, why are you talking about me? Hayley Sproul. They really hit the sproul. This study that we're talking about here was completed by a adult fun toy site. Okay. Looking into it. They run some great surveys. Yeah, they do.

Is this New Zealand? So it is New Zealand. Or is it overseas? No, this is in the UK. Okay. Yeah, it. They run some great surveys. Yeah, they do. They do. Is this New Zealand? So it is New Zealand. Or is it overseas? No, this is in the UK. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, I imagine it's similar. They found that one in ten women in particular

admit that they do not feel comfortable talking to their partner about their own sexual desires. Trust me. We'll probably be into it. Yeah, I know. 31% said they're more likely to reach the peak of the mountain, shall we say, while enjoying solo time more likely when they're by themselves than with the other half.

Well, it's like when Fletch goes on a hike, you know, he's always waiting for somebody else, but he's by himself. Oh, my God, am I ever. Get it done. Exactly. I'm talking about doing the Tongariro Crossing soon. I almost don't want to do it because I'll be waiting like five hours at the end.

No, you have to go on your own. Now, are we still talking euphemism here or are you actually going to do the Tongariro Crossing? No, I'm actually going to do the Tongariro Crossing. What is the euphemism for a Tongariro Crossing? A couple of wet lakes in the middle. Oh my gosh. Carwin just looked at me.

There are two crater lakes, Carwin. Don't call us that. Have you not seen the photos? Don't call us crater lakes. A couple of crater lakes up there. And they're really beautiful and blue. High altitude. Yeah.

Yeah, they're a bit of snow at the moment, so don't do it now. Among the top reasons for finding it easier to please themselves than being pleased are knowing their body better, tapping into their own fantasies without having to explain them, not feeling rushed. Don't rush it. And then all the inhibitions and insecurities go out the window when they're by themselves.

I mean, I can understand that. Yeah. I can understand that. Anyway, so we asked our very own sort of series of questions, didn't we, of what are you not comfortable talking to your partner about when it comes to intimacy? And it was an anonymous question. Anonymous.

An anonymous question box. And we have some responses. We do. That he needs to be more sensual and adventurous to satisfy me. Now that is from a female. Yep. I think they say the name. I was like, no, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no, no. To avoid this, I've had their names cropped off. Just in case. Just in case. You can't be trusted. It needs to be more sensual and adventurous to satisfy me.

And then they've done the face that's like, with all the teeth showing and then, it's boring. Do you think it's hard because they're so into the relationship it's too late now for this chat?

No, that's the best time, I reckon. Because then what have you got to lose? This is the person you know the most. Why not? I mean, I know it's hard. But how do you bring it up? It's like, hey, how's your day? You suck at pleasing me.

No, no, never like that. No. I don't know. We should have got bloody Morgan in to talk about how to approach this. Yes. Oh, we don't need Morgan. We've got this guy over here. Oh, wait, we've got someone. Yes. She would say, Gently. Oh, wait, we've got someone of an adventurous chap

myself. Have a few drinks. And then just say it. Start chatting about it. Right. Send them a message during the work day. Nope. That could be hot. Well, I need you to be more adventurous.

No, no, no. That could start there, you know. lead by example Because that's the other thing, is this person leading by example? Or are we just expecting someone to read our mind? But that could be their desire, is that they want to be they want to be led to the world of adventure

Yeah, maybe, for a short time A bit of communication there We didn't need Morgan for that, we nailed that one What is a sexologist high fives oh no Donna you go so hard when you high five

yeah that's really hard it's quite a lot like it's stinging my hand I'm adventurous you've opened up to me now

I know you needed a more sensual high five can you please give me a sensual high five next time and next time do a high five

my butt see great we're all opening up here. Group actor, this is the next submission. Okay. Group activities. I'd love to, but I know she'd never. Well, then you can't.

You don't have a problem with the fact that you're going to bring up, you've just got a problem that you want something that she does not want. That's a different problem for a different time. Well, yeah, because, I mean, if she doesn't want it. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen, is it? No. Yeah.

I mean, you could keep asking. Keep chipping away. You're talking about a shawshank there. You're talking about Chinese water torture. Yeah, yeah. Just a drip, drip, drip, drip. Threesome. Say it over and over and over again.

Threesome. Reminding them to get... This is another person, another submission on what you aren't comfortable talking to your partner about. Well, he's flustered, isn't he? He's flustered. Well, no, this one's confusing. Reminding them to get tested regularly, even if they're monogamous. Now, if you're monogamous, there would be no... Unless you suspect

that they are not monogamous. That doesn't sound like a relationship. It sounds like a friend with benefits situation. Yeah, maybe. Also, when I get a pap smear, they'll always do an STI check, even though I've been with my partner for so long. And she says, I've heard that so many times. Oh, you don't need to do that.

Really? Yeah, and the amount of times that she'll be like, well, how have you got chlamydia then? You or him? It's the toilet seat. You can get it from the toilet seat. Yeah, I think I got it from the swimming pool. Yeah.

The swimming pool. Yeah. Other things people aren't comfortable talking to their partner about. swimming pool. Sparkling, man. Yeah, yeah. The swimming pool. Yeah. Yeah. Other things people aren't comfortable talking to their partner about, anonymous submissions from listeners,

scheduling it. I find it weird to discuss this and I'm not sure how to approach it but I feel like if we don't put some plans in place,

it can be a long time between. I'm sorry, but it's not sexy to say on Thursday at 5.35 we're going to get... I know,

but you don't have kids. Is Taco Tuesday sexy? You're damn right it's sexy. Well, that's a perfect day to do it, isn't it? Double tacos. I overdo taco. I overdo it. Sprout that in the comment about the lakes.

You're cancelled. Excuse me? You do the lakes. I get too full. I can't stop on Taco Tuesday. Maybe it's better for you at 4.35 before dinner. Yeah, I'll keep eating until all the tortillas are gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I don't want them to go in the fridge. They just don't warm up the same. No. By the way, this isn't a euphemism. I'm just very passionate about homemade Mexican food. I know you are. Okay, next one. Oh.

Do it. Relations at a certain time of the month. one. Oh. Do it. Relations at a certain time of the month. I'm too scared to ask my partner if he's into it or not. Okay. Some women they're all for it. Yeah. Yeah. Well you can't hurt to ask. Yeah.

If he's like oh gross you're broken up with better to know that now that someone like that's going to gross a guy out and scare him off than Also if you're not into... When you're giving birth to his child and he looks down and he's like, oh, God, no, yuck! If a woman ever comes up to you and says, hey, would you ever do this? Don't say, ooh, gross.

Even if you want to say, no, I'm not into it. Just say, I'm not really into it. Don't say, ooh, gross. I haven't, to the extent of my knowledge, not into it. Yeah. This comes... Interesting, because this one's a very... into it. Yeah. This comes... Interesting, because this one's a very... Don't stop there.

This one's a very contagious... This one comes to us from a male... Okay, now Vaughn's cancer. A male submitter. Oh, submitter. I want to know if she will... Restrict? Grasp me around the neck.

Oh, okay. You can say choking But then in this Right Field of play It feels like choking Is a weird word to say But yeah, I want to know

If she'll choke me You can ask Guide her hands there And see what happens Okay, there you go That's someone who's done it before Initiating it This is a conversation.

This is another one. This is the other one, yeah. Wait, so they don't know how to talk to their partner about initiating. About what you do initiate. Yeah, yeah. The other person in the relationship to initiate it. Yeah, right.

And the final one, someone just said all of it. Why is it so awkward, but I can easily talk about it to other people that I'm not intimate with. I know, it is. But then the person you are intimate with talking about any aspect of it is so awkward but I can easily talk about it to other people that I'm not intimate with. I know, it is. But then the person you are intimate with talking about any aspect of it

is more awkward than just doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So there's a lot of people out there as well.

It's all about communication, isn't it? Yeah, there was some other ones. Delicate communication. If you thought that we did not do a great job dancing around those ones, there were other submissions

that would have been even harder to dance about. Yeah, so we'll leave those out. We'll leave those out. But like you say, just communicate. Just communicate. It's important. It's important. Fact of the day is next. We've got a week, haven't we? What's our week this week?

For fact of the day? Ancient Rome. Ancient Rome. Oh my God. Yeah, Ancient Rome. That's all we think about. That's all we talk about. That's all guys think about. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is it's Ancient Rome week. Yeah, good.

Great. Lots of great weird facts about Ancient Rome. Here for it. Yesterday we talked about the gladiator energy drink that was goat dung and vinegar. Wow. Yeah, goat dung. I don't know.

Often powdered, sometimes boiled. It was. Wow. Yeah, goat dung. I don't know. Often powdered, sometimes boiled. It was called G. Yeah, right. Yeah. G goat gives you wings. Yeah. Gives you horns. Is that what G force is?

Yeah, yeah. Man, I used to drink those. I had no idea it had goat. That's why it's not around anymore. Yeah, right. So everybody started finding out what was in it. So today's fact of the day is about gladiators. Another sort of one about the gladiators.

Not the energy drink they used to drink. But the fact that if they lost in battle and they would die, they would bleed out, that their body was used for medical purposes. Oh, okay. The blood of wounded gladiators was sometimes drunk by the rich folk. Oh, yeah. I know, the rich ones. Because they believed it could cure epilepsy.

Why epilepsy? Don't know. Wow. Because they were such strong characters. Yeah. Also, after they'd been in the arena, even if they hadn't fought to the death or if they were very sweaty when they'd come off,

they would collect the sweat off gladiators and use it in cosmetics. What? Wealthy women would use it as face cream or perfume. Because they admired these gladiators and strong men so much. Yeah, the gladiators were sort of held

above the rest of the population because everybody loved them so much. And different body parts were used for different things. Their hair was used as good luck charms. It's kind of like the rabbit's tail. Apparently collected and kept in pockets and stuff. Modern day equivalent of like the All Blacks coming off Eden Park and then we just like

Scrape them down. Scrape them down for the sweat. Yeah. You maybe take a little bit of hair from Will Jordan. Yeah, why not? You take a Barrett's pair of undies or something for whatever reason. Yeah, whatever reason. It's up to you.

Whatever reason you want. Speaking of post-match and undies, did you see the Warriors all sitting around in their undies after the weekend's game? What, feeling sorry for themselves? Well, no, they were just having their post-match wine down in their chat after they'd lost. In undies. Didn't look pretty. Did they have an undies sponsor

or something? No, they were all sitting in their undies though. I just thought I'd chuck that out there for anybody who's maybe missed that. Well, they wouldn't be jockey because that's the All Blacks. Would they be? Where would Hayley find that footage? Pleasure State. Pleasure State. No, I reckon

there'd be a few of them would wear those Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday undies. The tradie undies. The tradie undies. They very well might. Yeah. But, yeah, today's fact of the day and the second day of the ancient Rome themed fact of the day week.

Fact of the day of the week? Yeah. Is that parts of gladiators were used for various non-gladiatorial purposes. Fact of the day, day, day, we, I can't even remember how we got into talking about hurting tailbone, some story, and then I talked about the time that I chipped my tailbone, and the pain was so excruciating that I, like, drove hovering, and then I got to my parents' house, and I had a hot shower, and a whole combination of pain and heat made me hit the deck

and then my mum had to come in and see me nude and the idea that they hadn't seen it since when was the last time they saw it? There's a time where you're going to see your kids nude and then you'll never see them nude again 12?

Weird because usually I get emotional about these stories about a time that's not one of them. That one is like sometime your parents pick you up and they put you down and they never pick you back up again. Don't do that. And that freaks me out and that's why I said to the girls every year on their birthday I'm going to pick them up.

Oh no because you'll do your back out so hard. Yeah I know, I know, I know hon. I think this came up again at the weekend because a friend said they sat on a seatbelt in an Uber or a taxi and it was one of those hard seatbelt kind of sticky out. Yes. And it just dropped them. Yes, yes, that's what it was all about.

And it's like, it's so, so embarrassing when you're like, oh, yeah, by the way way since you last saw it it became an adult when you've been naked in front of your parents when was the last time you were naked in front of your parents have you ever been as an adult it would have been when you're a kid yeah i think so yeah yeah well i want to know why were you when did your parents see your naked adult body and like what was the circumstance? Maybe you had an accident. Maybe you were really drunk.

Oh, no. I mean, lots of mothers attend the birth of their own. Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're going to see all of it. That would be weird, right? Yeah. Yeah, it would be weird.

It would be wild for a mother to see their daughter going through what they went through to have them. Yeah. It must be wild for a mother to see their daughter going through what they went through to have them. Yeah. I imagine it's very emotional. Yeah, yeah. Be full on. My mother would demand to be at my birth, I imagine. I think you're going to say she'd demand an epidural. Oh, yeah, probably.

Or some sweet drugs. No, remember when my mum had me, she had some champagne in her system. And that's why I came out like... Of course, yeah, that's why she's... What was that? What was that? Can I have that again? That's why she's a champagne hoover later in life.

Yes, exactly. So, okay, it's a weird one. It is a weird one. It's a weird one. But there are these circumstances where maybe they just walked in on you and then they saw us. Oh, yeah, you hear about that happening when they're walking on adult times. Adult times and then you're all out yet about. Shaboomba.

Shaboomba. This is almost an impossible phone-in topic really, isn't it? No, I reckon there'll be. Nah. Do you reckon? Yeah. Okay, 0800DARLS.M, we want to take your calls now. Text through 9696.

When did your parents see your naked adult body? I don't know if people are going to want to admit to this. Well, someone's on the phone now. All right, give us a call. Asking you now to call in or text. When was the last time your parents saw your naked adult body? Why? What happened?

Yeah, because, I mean, like you say, there's just a time when that's it. Yeah, I stood up out of the bath and then I bloody hit the deck and what am I going to do? Some Instagram responses because we asked there. Anne said when I had to run from the shower to my room as I forgot a towel. Classic. You don't do that thing where you peek open the door and you just scream, towel! Ma'am! Ma'am! I forgot a towel. Classic. Classic. You don't do that thing where you peek open the door

and you just scream, towel! towel! Owen says, yesterday when they were babysitting my four-year-old and I was getting ready for work. Were they barging?

You barged out? The four-year-old kicked the door open, they chased them in? I don't know. Breastfeeding a week after birth. To be totally honest, I didn't care. Yeah, totally. I was at that stage where I gave a damn. Breastfeeding a week after birth, to be totally honest, I didn't care. Yeah, totally.

Breasts are different after birth. Yeah, I tell you what, lots of those stories about people whose mother, mothers more than fathers were there during birth. We'll talk to some of them next, because there is. Keep your texts coming in. Good lord. I wanted to know when your parents saw

your naked adult body as my mum did after I slipped. Well I fainted after I had a sore tailbone and I was nude. And the messages we're getting a lot, I mean a lot of birth ones obviously and I mean it's like almost like the birth motherhood breastfeeding

thing is almost like a different nude body isn't it? Because it's so functional in that moment. Yes. I mean, I wouldn't know. I haven't had a kid. But that is like, generally people are like... Yeah, you're not going like,

oh my God, how embarrassing, look at my breasts. Could have been on a billboard. Anonymous joins us. Anonymous, you were staying with your parents and they saw your naked adult body. Yes, they did. I was really sick and was in the shower and passed out in the shower. Managed to get out and woke up the hallway

with a towel on and passed out again. And how it fell off, I ended up pooping myself. Oh, hon. Oh, darling. Hon. Oh, no. So, darling. Oh, no. So you fainted, now you're naked and then you shat yourself.

Yeah, and then my mum found me, took me to the shower again, had another shower. So she had to shower you just like she did when you were a kid, a baby.

I mean, at least it was your mother and not like a boyfriend or like a friend or something. Exactly, and I was so sick that I just didn't care. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, my God, you poor thing. Anonymous, thank you. Some messages in. Maybe that should have been the phone. When did your parents see you naked and you shit yourself? Doubling down. Any good, any text that starts with do not call me back. Love it.

Always good. Always good. Always good. I was engaging in, I think they call it self. No, no, no. With boyfriend. Okay. With boyfriend. Fun times.

Let's just say I was on top. Yep. Yep. Placing the other way. I was playing cowgirls. Yes. Oh, okay. Cowboys and Indians.

Thought no one was home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. playing cowgirls. Yes. Oh, okay. Cowboys and Indians. Thought no one was home. Yeah. Yeah, my parents were home. Oh, that's such a terrible. That's such a bad image. My mum saw my naked bodies when we were all drunk on Christmas Eve. I didn't make it to the toilet in time and my mum had to throw me in the shower. There's another one.

Wow. Mum had to throw me in the shower afterwards. Not my parents. I jumped off Bully Point in Taupo, and my in-laws were in a boat at the bottom. I lost my tight bikini top and bottom. Oh. I had to climb up onto their boat completely naked.

I don't think I'll ever look at them in the eye again. You don't cliff jump in a bikini. No, in a string bikini. A sensible one piece. Yeah. Well, two reasons. If it doesn't come off, it's going to cut you in half. Yeah.

Absolutely will. Oh, two reasons. If it doesn't come off, it's going to cut you in half. Yeah. Absolutely will. Oh, my God. I saw my son's naked body when he sent me a dick pic that was meant for his girlfriend. Oh, no. I replied, well, you don't see that every day. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love the chill nature of that reply.

Well, hello. What have we got here? What are we looking at here, my friend? Oh, my God. I was having a shower and my mother was there looking after my toddler at the time and the toddler booted open the door and ran into the shower and my mum ran into the shower too, but then she slipped over on the tile floor and just landed straight at my feet in the shower.

Brilliant. Okay, good. Oh, my God. It's like, squint back, crash up. I. Okay, good. Oh my gosh. It's like, squint, bang, crash, up. I'm so sorry. Oh my God, this one, absolute doozy for you fellas.

I woke up from a short stint in a coma. What? And my mother, father, and sister were there, which sounds great, and was great, until I realised that I had a catheter in, and then they had to whip it out of my literal vagina.

And I was so amazed at the little tube that I showed everyone. I showed everyone my vagina and more specifically my whole urethra. Props to anesthesia for bringing families closer together. I was going to say, so they're out of the coma but by the sounds of it still

very much under the influence of some. What is this? My 17-year-old and 20-year-old daughters are forever flashing me their nakedness. I try not to react, but I act every time, which they find hilarious, which means they're going to do it. The sheer nakedness of your children at that age is just so entirely

weird. One of those nude families. Yeah. Nude families. Mother-in-law saw mine. I accidentally didn't make it to the shower when I went into labour, so home birth it was, and she was helping the midwife deliver her granddaughter. Wow. So there he goes.

I had really bad gastro. What? Gastro seems to be key. It makes you vulnerable and weak. It returns you to a childlike form. Yeah, and mum found me on the floor of the shower completely naked, curled up and coming out both ends as well as just crying. And mum patted me and said, it's okay, but then shut the shower door and walked away.

Oh, that's bleak. Yeah, and lots of people, lots of people saying, yeah, my mum saw me naked during birth and just didn't care. There's a really good naughty one. Post babies, trying to get back in touch with my body. I was having some fun alone with some toys. My mum lured herself into my house and barged in on me. I died.

Oh, my God. Changed the locks. I just never talked to her again, I guess. Shivers, guys. 10 out of 10 podcast, that one. Yeah. I think two of us were 10 out of 10 and one of us wasn't. Well, who was that?

Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rating and review. Please do. Unless it's a bad one. Oh, yeah. Don't bother.

Yeah, no, don't. Don't bother. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.