ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 27th February 2024

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

Preferred Size...  Top 6: Patches  Producer Jared's Carpark Chaos  Silly Little Poll!Hayley's Cup'nundrum  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. You're a bit itchy there. I am a bit itchy. I know I've got Aveeno, Oti, chapped, sensitive skin cream

and some hydrocortisone on the go and some lip balm. It's been an itchy summer for me. But don't worry about me, guys. I'll make a full recovery. Have you tried butter? I haven't tried letting myself in butter. Right. Does that work on the skin, does it? I don't know. Feels like, yeah, dairy could really be the problem, but maybe

rubbing it on. I find the best solution is the problem. That's beautiful. Just to dive best solution is the problem. That's beautiful. Just to dive head first into the problem. Yeah. That's beautiful.

Yeah. Oh, nice. The road to solution is paved through the middle of the problem. I think if I was paying good money

to see a dermatologist and he was saying that I'd be wanting my money back. Yeah, if I went to like a fancy dermatologist and he said lather yourself in butter I'd be like alright man, I'd be wanting my money back. Yeah, if I went to a fancy dermatologist and he said, lather yourself in butter, I'd be like, all right, man, I'm out. I went to a fancy dermatologist once and he said,

oh, you don't need to use bathroom soaps and stuff. I was like, what did he say to use? He said, you just need water. I was like, really? I didn't come here and spend all this money for you to tell me to ditch the soap. Yeah, I want you to prescribe me a $400 soap. Yeah, yeah. I'm here to be here and spend all this money for you to tell me to ditch the soap. Yeah, I want you to prescribe me a $400 soap. Yeah, yeah. I'm here to be ripped off.

Yes. I mean, you know why I'm here. The top six coming up on the show. Yeah. The top six other patches that will still be allowed in public. Because gang patches. Gang patches. Out.

They're on the out. Pumpkin patches. They're going to be. Pumpkin patches? They're going to be. Pumpkin patches still allowed. Don't ruin his top six. Because I've got a few in my mind. I'll save them. Do not say them.

Finding six patches was very hard. And I've just got to find another one. Oh, I nearly said one. I nearly said one too. I nearly said one too. Don't do it. I will delve into this story because apparently the police, if the law, is the law going ahead or it's been passed?

They'll be able to burn or destroy the gang patches. There was a story on Sunday, the show. It happens to be on Sunday night. Now, I don't know what came first, the day of the week or the TVNZ current affairs show. I think it was the show. Yeah, and then they named the day after it because it felt right. And it's the day where you're most likely to have an ice cream sundae, I think.

So that's why it's called Sunday. Climbed up nicely. Yeah, it all wound up. But there was a story on that the other night about the gang patches and how horrendously under-resourced and under-staffed our New Zealand police force is. To deal with it.

And then the one guy that spoke up and said, yeah, I'm actually on mental health leave because of how hard it is to be a cop. And that was before they asked me to start confiscating and burning

leather jackets at the same time. And then they were like, don't bother coming back to work. Oh, really? When he spoke out. Goodness. It feels like

unfair dismissal, doesn't it? A little bit. He was older. I hope they give him a sweet payout. And he's just like... Oh, lovely. And then he joins a gang.

Patches up. Patches up. Full circle. Full circle with the top six soon dealing with that. And your chance to win cash

five on time is back and I believe the jackpot will be seven? Seven. Seven thousand dollars.

So no winner yesterday with Bree and Clint. You've got to say time at exactly five seconds. On the dot. On the dot. Yeah. Not 5.01 or 4.64.

No. Exactly five seconds. Or not 8.97 or whatever. We'll play this morning at 8 o'clock. The current jackpot, $7,000. It's your chance to win your share of up to $50,000 cash. But next on the show. People are doing something at the supermarket

that is driving supermarket workers crazy. I understand why they're doing it. After that, I'm going to talk about penises. Stay tuned. If you love your wang chat. Do I know what I do? Yeah, well, you love yours, don't you? Oh, he adores his.

I do. He doesn't stop touching it. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Someone has shared online a hack that apparently a lot of, like, Aldi users are doing, which is Australiaralia uk yeah oldie oldie aldie yeah but they are similar to pack and save or the likes where you pack your

own bags but you do now at most supermarkets yeah i know and every there'll be like four packers and they'll kind of like move around, eh? And then like sometimes you get one, sometimes you don't. They're hackers that when you're loading things onto the conveyor belt thing, that you space them out so that when they beep them, you've got enough time to put it in the bag. Because, you know, sometimes when you're at the supermarket and then you're like all your stuff's coming, they're just like beep, beep, beep.

You're trying to do the bags, you're trying to get your wallet out, you're trying to swipe your points card, you're trying to do this and that. This is a two-person gig though. The conveyor belt's not long enough to space anything out. No. This is what it means. So you're going to still be going down back to the other end. Yeah. This is a two-person jobby. You're going to need somebody

putting them on and then you're standing at the other end. No, but then, even then, you probably wouldn't need to do it. Because I normally, because I live so close to a supermarket, I just go every couple of days. So I don't ever use the big checkouts. You don't even do a massive shop. But if I ever do,

you're always waiting behind someone. So you chuck all your stuff on and you strategically place it like so you know kind of what you're going to put in bags. No, I don't. I just roll it. And then you strategically place it, like, so you know kind of what you're going to put in bags. No, I don't. I just roll it. And then you just chuck it all on.

Yeah, chuck it on. Hope for the best. And then by that time, by the time the person in front of you has paid, you've got all your stuff on the conveyor. Most of it. Oh, yeah. Not at a big family shop. But sometimes it doesn't work. And then you rush through and you're just like, pack, pack, pack, pack, pack.

What if someone's not in front of you and you go to an open checkout? You've got a trolley load. like, pack, pack, pack, pack. What if someone's not in front of you and you go to an open checkout? You've got a trolley load. Pack, pack, pack, pack, pack. You're shoving it on, on, on, on, on, and it's piling up at the other end. You haven't even got your bags out yet. But then do you need to pack it there and then? Like, you just chuck it back in the trolley and pack it behind your boot. No, but then someone's behind you, their stuff starts arriving at the storing area.

Yeah. So you do. You've got to be quick. It's stressful. People are standing there and just putting things on the belt. They're just spacing them out. And then running through. They're running down the back.

But the people are irate about it because if you're behind, it's just making the whole process slower. Oh, yeah. That would be so frustrating. Can we talk to our resident checkout check? I believe he prefers checkout Scux. Oh, checkout Scux. This is checkout.

Were you a Scux deluxe or just a pure Scux? I wanted to be a deluxe, but I'm not sure I ever quite got there. It's one of those things someone has to assign to you. You can't self-assign. Yes, it's like a Poonama. You can't buy it for yourself. It must be gifted. When you worked at Pack and Save,

that would have been the only place where you did have to pack your own, right? When you were working there, yeah. Whereas now, in pretty much most supermarkets, you're packing your own groceries. Yeah, I took great joy in being like, sorry, I'm not supposed to pack for you. Yeah. Do you remember?

That's how they're making the savings. It's like how you always remember where you were when Princess Diana died. Or 9-11. Everyone knows where they were when Pack and Save announced that they would no longer be packing your bags. They've never packed. They've never packed. No, I remember it.

When they launched, their big launch was you save because you pack. You know the name, right? You pack and save. You know the name, right? Pack and save. Why do I name, right? Pack and save. Why do I have, I have a core memory. You're not thinking about like account details or something. No, I have a core memory.

Other supermarkets made a statement that like you're on your own MFs. Oh, maybe, okay, maybe not. I'm pretty sure that was their tagline. You're on your own mother Fs. Mother Fs, yeah. Pack your own Ss. Some supermarkets have reused those stuff that we're packing to find the rats. Yeah, that's right.

They're busy. Would this have driven you crazy though, Checkout Skarks? Yeah, 100% because like I'm scanning. I want to keep my scan rate up. So I just want to grab, grab, grab. I don't want to have to grab, scan, wait 10 seconds for the next item to roll towards me. And also then like the people behind your current customer, they can't load their stuff on the conveyor belt.

That's stressful, man. It's so stressful when you do do a big shop. Because you do a big shop, eh? You and the middie do like a week or a fortnight. But do you go together? Yep. Okay, well, then you've got two people. Yeah.

Are you judgmental of the scanner, the person scanning? You're like, oh, a bit slow. Yeah, look, I'll be honest. Yeah. Some people are so good. This is how good he was. He was a Scux Deluxe. Did you just gift him Deluxe? Yeah, he was. I could just tell. Thank you, guys. I could just tell

he was a checkout Scux Deluxe. You got upgraded. That's pretty exciting, man. What a day. What a day. It's 6.14. The day is just going to get better and better. I'm going to go update my Instagram handle. Yes, my man. Yes, my deluxe.

Anyway, so if you're at the checkout, I reckon don't do this because... Yeah, chuck them all on. Yeah. Chuck them on and just be ready to rock and roll. Next on the show... Penises. What?

What? Huh? Doodles. Wings. Peans. I believe this is a study. Preferred length. Oh, for the receiver or the owner?

The ladies have spoken. Oh, have we now? Clay, Zed-Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Somebody got out the old sewing tape measure. Okay. You know the one that... Flexi. It's flexible.

Yeah, we used this the other day when we... You're measuring your chest. Yeah, and I've got the same chest as... You've got the same size boobs as Shannon. Yeah. Remarkable. Remarkable. Remarkable. It's like I didn't see them. But there they were. But the measurement is the same.

Is it? Across the... There's no denying. The chest, so... Well, they got out the old flexi tape and measured adult fun toys that had been purchased. Okay. Well, they kind of were like, this is how many have sold of this one and this one and this one and this one.

And they had 265 different toys that charted. Jeepers. On the charts. Oh, wow. They had a top ten in everything. So then they measured the circumference around the toy. Yeah. Now, that's girth, isn't it?

Yep. Yes. It's the girth circumference, not the girth diameter, which if you remember from maths, if you think about a circle, if you go around it, that's the circumference, around it. But from one point to another on the opposite side is the diameter. That's the diameter. Halfway is just the radius.

Because this news article I'm reading said that the girth that women preferred, by judgment of toys purchased, they just say girth. And to be honest honest that made me go and take a breath in because they said that the girth of the average adult fun toy

was 4.85 inches. Oh god. Okay, hang on. Can you get out your... I'll get my keys out. I'm just going to get because that's a centimeter ruler. Okay, hang on. 4.8. Can you get out your... Yeah, yeah, I'll get my keys out. I'm just going to... Because that's a centimetre ruler. Okay, so 12 inches. But when it said girth, I was just imagining something 12 inches. 12 centimetres across.

No, no, no, no, but right around. Not really that big. Once you put a circumference on it. Quite thin. Yeah, right. That's great news for everybody. That's great. Right.

That is good news for everyone, isn't it? Because the average girth of the penis is 4.59 inches, which is just a little bit smaller. So we do desire more of the toys than the boys. Toys win that one. Toys over the boys. We've got bigger toys than the boys. Soys win that one. Toys over the boys. A lot bigger toys than the boys. So then length.

Okay. The length judged by the toys purchased, the average length of toy purchase through, you know, pure numbers. So the ones that were longer, if they sold more, it boosts up the average,

right? Yep. 7.07 inches. Ooh. So... Sizeable. That is 17.78 centimetres. I love that you've got the tape measure out in studio.

Got the tape measure in studio for everybody. And I'm saying that you can play along at home. I would say it's quite sizeable. But it's been a while since I've seen any other willy, you know, than Aaron's. Yes. And I've seen some forgettable ones. Have you? Yeah.

So that is the length I'm holding my thumb there is the average length of fun toy. Where I put my finger is the average length of a rigged penis. Now, we are falling short, gents, to the accord of five and a half centimetres. Oh. Right. Okay. So when you're buying, and I say you,

when females are buying online toys, they're going bigger. We're going bigger. Yes. Right. Bigger than average. The average for the toy purchased is bigger than the average

of a human willy. Real life fun toy. Right. Wouldn't it be fascinating working for one of these adult toy places just to see what people buy, to see all these stats? It would be quite fascinating, eh? I know. I know.

And there's all this psychology around them as well. We talked about this, I think, very briefly, why they're always, women's ones are always purple. Purple, safe. Yeah, purple or turquoise. Because they're the safe colours, right? Reds and green. They're very rarely like red or like black or anything like that. They're usually sort

of pink and playful. Yeah, yeah. Makes for a very tacky side drawer, I'll say it. You know, I really curate my house for aesthetics. Well, yeah. Side drawer is just shambles. You'd love a rich green one, wouldn't you? I'd love wood. Wood. for aesthetics. Well, yeah. Side drawer is just shambles. You'd love a rich green one, wouldn't you? Wood.

Wood. Or blue. Wood, yeah. Some beautiful deep velvety greens, some navies. A brown. Pink and purple. I wouldn't say no to a brown. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little poe. Silly little poe. It is so silly the silly little poll. Yes, it is. Here it is. It came to us from the FVH International Podcast family. Yes.

Thomas writes. Thank you, Thomas. Silly little poll. Do you lick the peeled top off the yogurt before throwing it away? I just argued with my son, told him it's been a rule since they made the square tub yogurts that one must lick the lid. Yeah. Now, those lids used to be made of a very sharp tin foil.

Yes, they did. They're made of a papery sort of a situation now. Oh, you like plastic, aren't they? Yeah. But when we were kids, you had to try to really work it to get it all off in one piece

and then you're rewarded as being able to lick it because if you tore it in half, it was dangerous to lick, you'd cut your tongue. Slit your tongue open. But you simply master his rules. Oh, yeah.

There's always a bunch of yogurt on there. Yeah, dude. Way too much yogurt. And what are you going to do? Wipe it off with a spoon? Even sometimes. You've been given a spoon. God gave do? Wipe it off with a spoon? Even sometimes. You've been given a spoon.

God gave you a spoon. It's in your mouth. Even sometimes if there's like a sauce bottle and it's got one of those tops. Yeah. And there's a bit of sauce or mayo on there. It depends though on the, because, you know, like sometimes it congeals around the lid and I don't like that. You know, you open like a bottle of cream, you peel that thing off, it's got like the

lumpy cream or lumpiness. That's the good cream. I won't like that. You know, you open like a bottle of cream, you peel that thing off, it's got like the lumpy cream or lumpiness. That's the good cream. I won't go for it. Do you lick the adult? Do you lick the adults? Goodness me. Do you lick the yogurt lid? Is that today's silly little pal?

Do you lick the yogurt lid as an adult? Yep. 72% of people said yes. 28% of people said ooh, no. I don't really buy the pot holes. No, I don't buy potholes either. I would buy a tub of yogurt. Yeah, a big tub of yogurt.

I wouldn't buy yogurt, to be honest. It's very good for the gut health. The Greek yogurt. It's great for the gut health. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got the biotics, isn't it? Probiotics. Populopodus.

You can't keep the yogurt. Ken says you can't waste food, you've got to lick the lid. Yeah, that's just smart. Sam, in this day and age of growing up, too quick and feeling like I'm 50 when I'm 34, anything that makes me feel young counts. Yeah, good. So he's looking for a bit of nostalgia.

That's called a nostalgia lick. Yeah. Let's be real here. A little bit of yogurty delicious that's stuck to the lid is the best part. The tub of yogurt afterwards is the bonus, says Matt. Amanda says, yogurt, hummus, sour cream,

anything delicious and with the lid is getting a lick from this girl. That's right, I'll lick the hummus. I'll lick a hummus. Yep.

Yeah. One of those three-layered dips. Oh yeah. You can get it off the other bit. Bit of everything on there. Ruby says,

I don't get the baby punnets but I always let the dog lick the lid of the Greek yogurt tub. He loves me. He loves it. Afterwards though?

Me, not so much. Yeah, when you're finished, right? You're not putting that back on. Yeah. It's not getting put back on. Dog owners can be so manky, eh? I know. Yeah.

The stuff they do. Like when dog owners like share their ice cream with their dog. Oh yeah, that's nasty. I know. Even like dog kisses when the dog's like. Yeah, yeah. Calm down. When the dog's been eating another animal's feces moments before.

Oh, yum. Tanya says, and the cappuccino lid. So she's taking the lid off her takeaway coffee. You do this with your markers. I love that. Because he's Chucky. Chucky on top. Do you lick the lid?

Yeah. Every time. Every time. You watch. Every time. Every time he gets one, he takes the lid off and he goes. And I'm unapologetic about it. I love it. I haven't noticed.

I haven't noticed. Oh my God, I love it so much. I love today. And if you want a Mocaccino, make McCafe your first stop. Great things are brewing. That's my job to do that. Great things like the Mocaccino. Yeah.

With its Choccy top. With a lickable lid. Will you wait? I'll lick the lid today. Yeah. I'll lick the lid on the lid. That should actually its chalky top. With a lickable lid. Will you wait? I'll lick the lid today. Yeah. You're on the lid. That should actually be a liner, actually. Lick the lid.

The show thanks to McCafe. Watch Fletch lick the lid. Oh, I don't like it. Because he loves it so much. I don't like it. That would be quite a good... That's maybe not what McCafe's after. Are you sure?

Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. I think you've misread the client brief there. Drive through with Fletch and watch him lick the lid. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

Okay, maybe we'll go back to the drawing board. Great day to start with Fletch licking the lid. Yeah. Watch him do it. Drive through it in a cafe and see him doing it in the car next to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hooning the lid. That's good stuff.

Why would they not want to be associated with that? We can submit these liners to them and see how they feel. Okay. But I just wouldn't get your hopes up. I don't want to see your heart broken. Okay. I don't go anywhere near yogurt until it's fully mixed, and I don't trust the lids because it's not fully mixed, says Jess.

What do you mean not fully mixed? Or would they give it a shake? She takes the lid off and she doesn't want any. You know dairy does sometimes get that layer of liquid on top. I guess so. You've got to mix your yogurts. Oh, it does, eh? You've really got to mix your yogurts.

Especially the Greek yogurts. Yeah. Love to get that watery pool in the middle. Look what he had at the top, eh? The Greek yogurts. Great for the gut health that watery pool in the middle. Look what he's got at the top, eh? The Greek yogurts. Great for the gut health, though. Oh, fantastic. Good for the gut health.

It's got hyperlophagus and all sorts. It's got snuffleupagus. It's got all the goffalophagus. It's all in there. Yeah, it's all up there. That silly little pole. I've always liked when you get a little bit of a sniff of what it's like to be in a sports game. Cricket, I remember when I was a kid, when I was a kid, like a teenager, late 90s,

they had microphones in the stumps. Do you remember that? What's the stumps? The wickets. The wickets. Oh, right. The three wickets. And it really caught out a few people swearing, didn't it?

They don't use the camera in the stumps anymore. Yeah, I sort of remember that. There used to be a camera in the middle stump, and they used it more for LBW, but then when they had that projection, line projection thing, I think it became redundant technology, but I loved seeing the pitch from there. They still do sometimes, but, yeah, not as much. Not nearly as much as they used to. But you seeing the pitch from there. They still do sometimes, but yeah, not as much.

Not nearly as much as they used to. You can see a microphone there. I like when the ref is mic'd up. Yes, and you can hear them. And he's giving them a telling off. The Women's Rugby World Cup, was it the Women's or the Football World Cup, where you just heard everything the ref was saying, and when they were talking to the video ref,

you got the whole conversation. Yeah. We're reviewing this because of this. We're doing this. And they're like, okay, well, you let me know when your decision is. And you kind of knew what that was going to say on the scoreboard when it flicks around try or no try. Yeah.

Before they'd done it. At the weekend, they mic'd up players in the Super Rugby. Where do they put the mic pack? Because they do it in basketball. NBA does it. Do they? They'll mic up one person per team. Yeah.

Weird, eh? But you wouldn't want your best player having to worry about it. No, but they do it sometimes. And also the NBA is not using those clunky wireless microphones that we have to use if we record something. Britney mics. They've got Britney mics. Yeah.

But they're not talking back to the commentators, are they? It's just a mic. No, it's just like them going like, hey, words of encouragement and stuff. And then in the halftime or in the breaks, the timeouts, they'll play the audio. They're like, oh, Steph Curry's wearing it today. And then they'll show little clips of him like what he yells and whatnot. There's a Super Bowl they've got.

The quarterback's got a microphone and a receiver so they can talk to the coach. Oh, really? But you don't hear any of that because obviously it's top secret. The players and stuff are top secret, but they've got them hidden in their helmets. But rugby players don't wear helmets. So they had concealed microphones.

Captain Luke Jacobson and playmaker Damian McKenzie had concealed microphones during the game. The Chiefs have been trolling the innovation since early January throughout their preseason fixtures. Where's the pack? I don't know. They must be tired. They have a receiver pack on their shoulder for GPS.

That tracks how far they run around during the game. So I guess you could put something there. And that would also make sense that the microphone's almost sewn into the shirt. Yeah, yeah. Because anywhere else. Oh, yeah. Because anywhere else. Oh, look, our technological producer, Jared, just seemed to link to a player mic, micro-sized transmitter in a flexible polymer.

Now, do you want to buy one of these? Because they're currently at $2,495 American dollars. Someone's going to have to tell whoever's chief's mum's doing the washing that week to not put that in the washing machine. Shit, my dear man. So this is basically for this, like soft, small, weighs next to nothing. Half an inch thick.

And where's the battery? In it. In it. In it. But it's got a small run time. Four hour run time at 50 watts on the one microphone and eight hours on another microphone. So if you've got a better microphone,

and then so it's just on your back kind of thing. Sowing in. But God, they get stuck in, don't they, in the rugby? Yeah, famously. It's still fairly. I kind of forget that I was like in an environment where I shouldn't be swearing. Especially, yeah, totally.

They swear. Like you're rocked up, you know. Yeah, exactly. The testosterone's flowing. I mean, you do hear the odd little swearing

in sports. I know, it makes me laugh. Like, you know, a player gets out. That's what I like. Yeah.

I would too. Imagine getting hit in a big tackle and you're just lying there. You'd be like, oh, for f... Yeah,

oh my God. Yeah, you'd be effing and effing and everything. My balls, my balls. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Patches, gang patches, gone. Gone. Now, imagine being a police officer and the government's like, you now have the power to take away the leather jackets and destroy them right then and there.

And you're a cop and you're like, I will not be doing that. How would you do that? Because I don't want to be stabbed in my sleep. How would you destroy, how would you get mum's sewing scissors? They said they would like set them on fire. What?

One thing where they would set them on fire is like these gangs don't muck around with pleather. They've got a genuine like high grade leather. It's not going to burn. It's a beautiful jacket. It's not going to burn. It's a beautiful jacket. It's not going to burn easily. It's beautiful jackets.

Right. Lovely stylish jackets. What, do they just get out some lighter fluid? I don't know. I just want to know what. You're going to, like, pull a jacket off of a dude and then find a barrel or a small bin and shove it in and start a small fire?

The burning thing's so weird. The burning thing's so weird. Just confiscate them. Unpick the patch. I think that'd be lovely. Oh,ate them. Unpick the patch. I think that'd be lovely. Oh my God. Leather jacket's expensive. Take them to Tatties

or, you know, Recycle Boutique or something. Yeah. People spend a lot of money. You might be able to tell because you can always see the patch. You can always see when you're taking a patch off.

You can put a new patch on. You know? But anyway, top six other patches you can still wear. Yep. For now. Are they coming for the war? Not all of these are to be worn. Some of them are wear. Yep. For now. Are they coming for the war?

Not all of these are to be worn. Some of them are just legal patches. For now. Number six on the list. And I honestly think this will be next. Yep. Eye patches. What?

One of the original gang was pirates. Yeah. But what if I've got a corneal abrasion? I'm sorry. I don't care. Wait, do got a corneal abrasion? I'm sorry, I don't care. Wait, did pirates have corneal abrasions? No, pirates had it so that they could have one eye covered and so when they went

under the pirate ship to get stuff, they'd flip that up and it would already be used to the dark so they could see quicker. I'm sorry, is that it? That's why pirates wear patches. I thought they... I thought they just had terrible eye incidents. Yeah, I thought they got hit in the eye. And if they were battling on ships and they were out

and then they'd have to go under the deck, you didn't have time for your eyes to adjust. You needed to be sword ready. So you'd flick that up. And you'd have an eye that could see in the dark because it had been in the darkness. That's a really cool fact of the day. Maybe I'll use that next time I do laser strike.

Yes. Running inside and outside. Yeah. Flick patch. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Or just before the game starts, just shut your eyes while they're giving the safety briefing.

Yeah, good idea. So that when you open them, you're ready to roll. Our number five on the list are the top six other patches that are still legal. For now. Patches on your jeans that your mum put on so you can get a bit more life out of them. Always between the thigh. I've always had thighs that are close, close friends. Hard to get a Nirvana patch on there though, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Or a smiley face. Or an anarchy. Would they put a patch over the Entire region Just put like a small I've never patched the crotch You put a bit of fabric over it

Don't you, to sell it Yeah, no, you put it inside usually Yeah, yeah, yeah But over the So if you were holding a pair of jeans No, I either burst out the whole crotch But you'd want to reinforce the crotch With my high acidity

Yeah Just the thigh bits You put two small patches. Right. Where the thighs meet. Gotcha. Okay. So those are getting banned, are they?

Because I'll blow out a set of jeans. No, they could be. Right. They could be. You have to buy new jeans. It's a patch, isn't it? Number four on the list of the top six other patches you can still wear. For now.

Number four. A pimple patch. Oh, I love them. Juice the pimple. Who have I seen doing social media with them on? And I was like, oh. But then they were like, you know what? This is me.

I do wear pimple patches. I feel like it wasn't social media. It wasn't a paid post for the pimple patch. I feel like surely it heals quicker when it's open, right? No, it juices them. It gets the juice out. A very juicy pimple. Ah.

Yeah. How does it do that? It's damp, damp, damp. It extracts. It's a little pimple. Yeah, it is. It sucks the damp, damp and sucks the pimple out. The top six are the patches that are legal for now.

Cabbage patch. Oh, God. Be it the patch where you grow cabbages or indeed the doll that was born again. The cabbage patch. The cabbage patch. Legal. Chubby cheeks. For now.

Okay. Number two on the list of the top six other patches that are legal for now. Nicotine patches. Oh. People still doing it. People in National would really love it if you took smoking back up. Are people still doing nicotine patches? Tax shortfalls.

Don't I? Yes. I saw one over summer. I thought people just moved to vape. I thought people just moved to vaping. I thought we were vaping. I thought the gum and the patches were sort of done. Then they did the patches. Okay. Patches is no popcorn along with the patches, right?

And number one on the list of the top six other patches that are legal for now, Patch Adams on DVD. Oh no, I love for now. Patch Adams on DVD. Oh, no, I love Patch Adams. Great Robin Williams movie. Classic. Laughter is the best medicine.

Unless it's not, because medicine's quite, there's quite a bit to medicine. Medicine, I'd say like chemotherapy would be one of the best medicines. One of the most amazing sort of medicines. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Allergies suck. Allergies suck.

And I've never done one of those proper skin prick tests. Have you guys done that before? Skin prick like that and then you put like a number of allergens on it and the ones that raise it. What, like do you put a peanut butter on there or something? Yeah. What do they do? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They do the oil and they do like all of the numbers and I've seen it done. Yeah, like pollen and grass and dust and cleaners. You need to do this. I know. Because you're currently, you've been rashy for the last like week. I know.

I did one with a naturopath and it was a hair one and you like cut off a bit of your hair and it sends it off. But they are very, you know. Okay, maybe do a proper. Verdicts out on whether they actually work or not. Anyway, there was a woman who was suffering from allergy-like reactions, skin rashes, burning. And part of what was concerning is that some of the burning was on her skin,

on her arms and body, but also in her downstairs area. Oh, wow. Okay. So they did the skin prick test and got her partner to provide a sample of his semen. And when they tested that, they

found out that she's allergic to proteins. I've heard about people who are allergic to it. I know. She's allergic to her boyfriend. Yeah, she's basically allergic to her boyfriend, which obviously limits intimacy to a certain point. Anyway, and apparently it's very, very rare to be allergic to this particular protein that is found only

in male releases. Yes. Anyway. Good dancing there. Good dancing there. Thank you. I learnt ballet as a child. Anyway, I want to talk about, because obviously there's only one real way that you sort of

discover an allergy like this that's really rare. I want to know how you found out you were allergic to something. And like, maybe you learned it the hard way. Because you don't know until you know. Like maybe you grew up not eating certain foods, and then you did as an adult or in your later years, teen years, and you're like, okay, I'm allergic to this. Yeah.

Aaron was like this. Because he grew up in a family that cooked very simple meals. We're talking your boiled vegetables and your meats. Catholic menu. Catholic menu. We're Catholic with a lot of children. Yeah, yeah. You know, we're having simple meats and veg.

And it was only later in life that someone said to him one day, like, you should try pawa. Like, this is, you know, this is the stuff. And he was like, hell yeah. And apparently he had, like, pawa fritter after pawa fritter after pawa fritter. Aaron has a terrible seashell allergy. But he'd never had shellfish. But he'd never had shellfish.

Or not only shellfish, like mollusks. Yeah, right. Like pawa or oysters. I know. And because he hadn't had it until later in life Yeah That's when he found out But instead of just like trying it The man was like God this is delicious

He had like eight of them And was like My throat's shutting off I must put more power in before it shuts entirely What about people that are allergic to latex? I know And they don't find out until maybe they use latex for the first time. I know.

Because that's a common allergy as well. Yeah. Well, that's it. Every time you give blood, they're like, are you allergic to latex? Because I guess the lady or the man is touching your arm

with their latex gloves. Or are you allergic to, you know, like medications? And you go in and you're- You don't know if you've never had it. I know. Yeah. If you've gone in, you've had a terrible accident and you don't know that you've never had it i know yeah if you've gone in

you've had a terrible accident you don't know that you're allergic to a certain type of pain medication you've got you've turned up in a state and then they inject you something that you're allergic to it's not gonna make it better is it well a woman has uh discovered that she's basically allergic to her husband uh and their fun stuff. There you go. And we want to know how you discovered you were allergic to something, and perhaps you learnt the hard way. And there are plenty of you. Dude, there's insane stories and texts. I know.

Georgia, what happened? This is actually not about me. It's about one of my friends. Yeah. She got the opportunity to feed giraffes at the zoo, so I thought, why not? Great opportunity. Turns out she's allergic to giraffe saliva.

What? How? Why specifically giraffe saliva? Yeah, her hands, Valdar, went all red and puffy, and they think she's anaphylactic to giraffe saliva. I mean, you'll be alright though. How often are you going to encounter a giraffe? I'm reading some papers here. People have contact allergy with giraffe hair. Oh. And often people are allergic to

animal saliva. Wow. I mean, does she manage to avoid giraffes or do they follow her wherever she goes? She manages to avoid them. That's good. That's good. If she sees a horse with a very long neck, it's a giraffe in disguise.

She spooks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She runs for the hills. Georgia, thanks for your call. Alicia, what did you find out you're allergic to? Alicia? Might have a bad... Oh, no.

Alicia, hello. Alicia? Hi. Hi. What did you find out you're allergic to the hard way? So I started to be a winemaker and viticulturalist for actually six years total. And in my final year,

I developed like a hay fever-like reaction to red wine. So I couldn't smell, I couldn't breathe properly, I couldn't taste. Darling, darling, darling, darling, what are you pairing up with a lovely lamb shoulder with goo? Yeah, what are you having a salve? It just doesn't work. It doesn't work.

If you find that out in year one, that's okay. You can just find something else, right? You found out in the last year, year six? Yeah, yeah, developed. That sucks. Right at the final. And so now do you just only work with white wine? No, I actually got out of the wine industry

and went into science instead. Oh, science. Science is boring though. I'm never after a Friday afternoon science. No, I know. Let's go home and crack open a bottle of science. Alicia, thank you. We've got another Alicia.

Many Alicias this morning. What did you find out you were allergic to? Morena, team. Thank you. We've got another Alicia. Many Alicias this morning. What did you find out you were allergic to? Morning, the team. Morning. I found out last month when I was in Bangkok that I was allergic to penicillin in the worst way. So I went over there for skin removal surgery, successfully went through surgery, perfectly fine,

was healing and was on penicillin four times a day and was getting itchy for a couple of days and then all of a sudden ended up with anaphylaxis shot, my whole face, my throat swelled up. Oh, my gosh. Brought back to hospital. I've taken penicillin. I'm up to selling all the sillins my whole life, no problems.

And, yeah, ended up with the puffiest face. I will never get filler in my life. My lips were huge. My throat was like gross. And yeah, they had to stab a epinephrine and adrenaline in me. And I think it's hilarious because I went to Thailand for like 15 hours of surgery. Perfectly get through it, only to nearly be done in by fricking antibiotics. Antibiotics, I know.

Which you said you'd had before. So what was different this time? Well, my dad and my brother are actually allergic to penicillin, and I've never had an issue in my life, but I just think it was maybe because I was run down from having surgery and I was on a higher dose to make sure that I didn't get any sort of infections that did me in. But yeah, so now I'm on the no penicillin

team, which is hilarious because I've never been allergic to anything in my life. Thailand does often put peanuts in all sorts of recipes. Oh, they do, yeah. I'm wondering if they might have put some peanuts in that penicillin. Some Thai curry paste or something. I chased the penicillin with some peanut butter so that's probably it.

That'll be it. And a bucket of mojito. Did you just say this just happened? Tasted the penicillin with some peanut butter. Yeah. That'll be it. That'll be it. And a bucket of mojito. Did you just say this just happened? Last month, did you say? Yeah, yeah. Like, literally, like, four weeks ago. So I went over because I lost, like, 90 kilos, got all my skin removed because it's way cheaper over there.

And, yeah. Thank you. What do they do with it? It's slightly off topic. What do they do with it? You got to see it. I got to see it. I got to see it. Yeah, I've got photos.

On my Instagram, it's on there. How did they... Can you give our producers the Instagram handle? I want to see it. How did they present the skin to you? Like on a plate? No, they put it in a red bag in the corner. And me and my friends, we saw it when I was part.

No. Yeah, like a big, like a red plastic bag. Red. Who's in a bread bag. There's like crimes in the rust. People are keeping their vote

or their bergens at the end of it. We're doing the promo with bergen. Of course, I'm going to say bergen. I'm a company guy. I'm here to make

the company money. It's got to be a bergen bread bag. You finish with your bergen. Forget the V word I said before. It's all about bergen, baby. And they keep

the bergen bread and they're like, oh, we just put your skin in the bread bag. Why did you want to see Why did you want to see this skin you had removed? Why would you not?

Oh, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. What did it look like? I've had that on me for, it just looked like fatty steak. I don't know. It was weird but I took photos of it because I was so curious. But they had it in the took photos of it because I was so curious. But they had it in the corner, and my friend and I were like,

oh, do you want to look? So we quickly cut it all out, and we were looking at it like super fussed about it. And then quickly, oh, the nurse is coming back, so we put it back in. It's your skin, and you're having a look, and you're worried. Wow. I'm allowed to look at this? And she's like, it's your skin.

Go for it. Wow. Can I ask you, you said having a look and you're worried. Wow. I'm like, have I got to look at this? And she's like, it's your skin. Go for it. Wow. Can I ask you, you said it was a lot cheaper in Thailand. How much cheaper was it compared to like New Zealand? So I would have had to pay all up over $150,000 in New Zealand. And it cost me $35,000 including flights over there. And it was amazing. Holy moly.

I got an extended tummy tuck side lift back lift breast lift like i literally was like a walking sharpay before so yeah wow that's so fascinating and when you nearly died of the penicillin reaction how much did that cost was were they like oh no we'll chuck you a freebie or did that you have to pay to go back to hospital for that? No, because it wasn't through the hospital I'd been through, I had to pay a foreigner fee, and it was the grand total of $280 New Zealand dollars. Oh, God, we love that.

Go the New Zealand house. Go New Zealand. Yay. Fascinating. It was an amazing care over there. Wow. I know there's a lot of bad juju on people going overseas for stuff. But my experience, I couldn't rate them more and probably will go back. I feel like maybe I'm going to make the boobies up in a little while.

They don't need it yet. But I'm thinking one day. The girls are looking better than when I was 18. Yeah, nice. Nice. I want to go to Thailand to pay to stay in their hospital for just a bit of rest and relaxation. A bit of R&R.

I went to work three weeks, and my husband was at home with our three kids, and I think I definitely hit the holiday. He was very sad. And what did the husband say when you came back? Well, so he races, and he was like, my best race car

Just got like Fleecy failed And he's very happy What a good boy His race car Got a good detail It was so fascinating We were a little sidetracked

With the allergies chat But that was so fascinating No no no No no no So fascinating Alicia Should we make Call her of the week

Yeah call her of the week Give her some coffees Give her some bloody coffees $50 McCafe voucher Thanks to our mates at McCafe. All yours, Alicia. Wait there. We'll sort you out. Some messages in to finish.

What you found out you're allergic to the hard way. I just also want to see Alicia's skin. I want to see it in the bag. Can we get a handle? She's got a photo of it. Yeah. I think she's got a photo of it. Yeah, I want to see it.

She's definitely got a photo of it. I want to see it. My prediction is it's going to look like pork belly when you buy that. No, I don't want to see it. Anyway, some other text messages in. Yes, pork belly. I'm a teacher and I took a coconut to work to show the children the coconut milk inside. My eyes swelled up and shut.

Seems I'm allergic to the rusk of the coconut. And there's a few different people who've said that too. They found out they were allergic to coconut when they were in the Pacific Islands. My dad's allergic to shellfish. I didn't know that I was until I went on a first date and I tried some crayfish. It was an interesting first date as my throat closed over. I found out I was allergic

to chlorine when I joined the competitive swim team in high school. Wait, you hadn't swum before you joined the team? Perhaps not in chlorine? Perhaps only in salt water exclusively? Oh my god, this one's crazy. I have severe iron deficiency. So I went for my sixth iron

transfusion, was monitored for 20 minutes in the hospital, came home, my throat started to shut, my whole body went red, got sent back to hospital. Turns out I'm allergic to iron. But then it doesn't help because I need iron. Yeah, what do you do? I don't know, you need it but you can't have it. That's a weird situation. You need like a need iron. Yeah, what do you do? I don't know. You need it, but you can't have it.

That's a weird situation. You need like a fake iron. I used to help at riding for the disabled. I wondered why I was always so sick afterwards and then I found out I'm allergic to horses here. That's annoying because I love horses, but I bet quietly your parents were stoked because that's going to save them money in the long run as a

father whose daughter likes horses. Well, you did this to yourself. You should have told them that horses are bad the long run as a father whose daughter likes horses. Well, you did this to yourself. By having children. You should have told them that horses are bad or something. We've got family history, mate. My grandfather died as a result of a horse. Exactly. Exactly. The women will feel this one.

Allergy to canistine. What's canistine? Thrush treatment. Oh, so you're already in a situation down there. You're already a retard. Yes. You go in and you do the, I need some thrush treatment, please.

Sorry, what's that for? I need my hair thrush. Why are you saying it like that? Is it oral or? No, it's the other one. Oh. They'll be able to see it's not oral, right? Because the person is right behind you.

I need some thrush treatment, please. Shout out to everyone that's made it through summer By the way Without thrush Well the rain's back this week So it's quite humid Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM Shannon, producer Shannon

Is our TikTok girlie. She loves the talk. And you have found a new avenue, a new kind of, is it a trend on TikTok? Yeah, my algorithm has shifted. My For You page has been curated specifically to a new trend. Right, and what is it? It's called Hope Core. Yeah. Hope. We've had It's called Hope Core. Yeah.

Hope Core. Hope Core. H-O-P-E-C-O-R-E. Hope Core. Yeah, so when there's a new trend on TikTok, they're often called something core. So there's Cottage Core, Croquette Core, all these things.

I thought it was a talk. I thought it was always like Hope Talk. Or Book Talk. Yeah, it depends on what you're kind of doing. But this is Hope Core. Okay, yeah. This is the single greatest thing it depends on what you're kind of doing. But this is Hope Corps. Okay, yeah. This is the single greatest thing I've ever landed on my For You page. Because you cried a lot yesterday.

Yeah, on and off for about an hour. They're videos basically that are quite sad but hopeful. So it's like... Oh my God, give me strength. No, no, no. This might break this dude's cold heart. We might get a tear out of Fletch. So how it started is the Olympics page, Paris 2024 made one,

and it's about these Olympians running in a race and then one falls down. Oh yeah, and they stop and help each other out. Oh gosh, she's getting teary. Yeah, and then so I was- It's the Olympics, you're meant to win. Leave them behind. If they can't stay up, they're not meant to win. Last man standing. Have some hope, Fletch. Leave them behind. If they can't stay up, they're not meant to win. Last man standing.

Have some hope, Fletch. So I started watching this one and that made me cry. Number one video, Paris 2024. I watched it twice and so the algorithm went, we've got it. We've got it. She's weak. We've got it. My whole For You page and it's videos of

people who were told they're never going to walk again and then it shows them walking and then someone who has cancer and all their friends shave their heads. Oh yeah, yeah. I know this vibe. I just couldn't stop watching these and I'm back living with my parents again. I had the door to my room open

and they kept walking past and I was just crying and I couldn't tell if they were just letting me have a moment but they weren't acknowledging it. They're like, what do you want for dinner? And I was like, crying about Olympians. Oh my God, there's one, there's a nurse and she looked after a girl who'd been in a terrible accident and rendered her in a wheelchair

and then the girl goes back to say thank you. She stands up. Oh, and the music is what gets me. All these videos have like one of three songs. Like there's like three songs that like categorise the genre. And it just now thinking about it makes me want to cry a little bit. Do you know what you need to do? Yes.

You need to do what I've done to the boys because I share with them when my algorithm gets a bit stuffed up. Like, you know, I've been on a heavy, I guess we'll call it Christian core. I'd call it Christ core. Christ core. And I send it to the boys and I like to, and then I stuff up their algorithms.

You need to stuff up Fletcher's by sending him some Hope core stuff and see if we can get a tear out of the bloody tin man. If you didn't cry after watching one of these,

there's something wrong with you. Just saying. Does it have any of those ones with none? Dad's coming home from, American soldiers coming home from. Heaps of them. The dogs.

Have you seen the one where the woman's in the ocean and she's swimming with her kids and there's a guy videoing and they're like, oh, we're just going to send a message to Roger. This is her husband's name. And, oh, hi, we miss you. We're at the beach. And then all of a sudden you see

like something swimming underneath behind them. And I'm like, watch out, sniper. Shut up, sniper. The sniper is coming. The terrorists are coming to take their revenge against Roger. Because Roger's wiped out their family. They'll have to wipe out Roger's family.

Now then this body comes up out of the water, and again, I'm still like, insurgents. Yep. I hope she's got a diving knife, and she turns around and immediately, neck, it's over. It turns out, it's Roger. And he snuck right up on them, and they turn around immediately terrified

because there's a man in a full scuba suit behind them. How did he get the audio cue from the video? Like, how did he know the exact time to come up? I reckon he was way down the beach and his mate with the phone was there and he gave him a thumbs up, then some punch. And then, shh. Now, it'd take a while to recognise it's Roger, but then, oh boy, is it all on at the beach?

It's a scuba suit. You can't tell, you can't, don't know what you're looking at. No, and he pulls it off and pulls back the thing and it's him. It's Roger. And they're like, Roger. Oh, that's a bit much. Did you cry? Not with that one because I thought they were going to die.

Vaughn, because he was more full of fear because of the sniper attack. I was like, watch out. You've left yourself wide open. You like to cry at soldiers reuniting with their dogs. No, that one, I don't. Yeah. Not really. It's the dads coming home that get me,

but just Roger was in his full scuba suit. The kids are at school. The dad that turned up to the kids' recital. Oh, yeah. The kid did their thing, and then their dad stood up and came on stage, and that one got me pretty good. Those recitals are terrible, though.

They're so, they can't sing, can they? Was the kid terrible, though, and lacking civilian talent? Oh, terrible, yeah. You could see in the dad's eye, he almost turned around and walked back to where we are. He's like, don't give up your day job. Or Afghanistan, I don't know where he'd come from.

It was a grainy video, so it may have been the first or second Gulf War. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. We spent that whole song arguing a hypothetical, so I completely forgot what we were talking about, about the male birth control pill. The male birth control pill is here, and it's apparently minimal, zero, no side effects.

I'm so pleased that they spent the time getting rid of all side effects for men to take the male contraceptive pill before they even thought about taking it to market. I'm so happy. It's just great that we put our money and time into fixing that. Thank you. Make sure you never suffer. We agree.

I'm so glad you won't have to suffer. Finally. I would hate to see it. This is the thing. We talked about this this morning when we were planning what we were going to talk to you about. And a lot of us girlies were like, I wouldn't trust my partner to take that medication daily.

Oh, a spaghetti. Well, it's just part of, it just becomes part of female culture to take it. I don't forget to take my multivitamin every day. Every day. I haven't taken my zinc for a good couple of weeks and my skin is seeing the difference. I could just crush up however many I need and put them in a bottle of whiskey

and then you know I'm going to get it. That's not how it works. You're not going to get it. That's not how it works. That's like drenching a cow by putting it in I know. By putting it in the water trough. You know they're going to drink it. I reckon if men do get these pills, which I think is great. I am all for it.

But I think the women would still feel like they'd bring it to you. You know, here's your meds. Right. You know what I mean? We'd still feel responsible because at the end of the day, we're the ones that might grow a baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It still seems a little weighted, doesn't it?

Right. Well, this is only in like testing. This hasn't been like released yet. No, they've done testing for years and years and years. It's just been a genetic breakthrough because of the different way they've kind of developed this drug. A reversible non-hormonal birth control. So it looks promising.

Yeah, it looks promising. But again, would you trust a guy to take the pill every day? I don't know. I mean, Aaron isn't a... Oh, you know, he takes like pain meds and stuff for his back, so you could just sort of slip them in there. But I still will relinquish full control. He's reminded when he wakes up, oh, my back.

So he takes his pill. Yeah. Where's that, oh, our babies could come. takes his pill. Yeah. Where's that, oh, a baby's could come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, my future spawn, I can feel them. You need your phone alarm to be a screaming baby. Oh, yes.

And then you wake up and you would immediately have it beside your bed and you'd be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That'd be a good way to remind yourself. Get one of the pill containers with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Yeah, I've got that. Nah, because you get to Wednesday and Tuesday and Monday and Sunday are still pilled and you're like, how did I miss that? Yeah.

Do I take Monday, Wednesday, Sunday now that it's Thursday? I'm going to dose up. So I might take the rest of the week today as well just because I'm likely to forget the rest of the week. I don't know if it works like that. It's dose it up. Interesting. But also if it's non-hormonal, it might not be A, a pill,

or B, a once a day-er. God, imagine trying to put an IUD in a man. There's only one way. Get it in. Pass. We'll leave that to you. We'll leave it to you then. Politely.

Politely decline. We'll just leave it to us. Politely decline. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Producer Jared joins us on the show from the producer booth, three metres behind me. You got stuck somewhere yesterday. Yeah.

Washing machine, back of the couch. Yeah. No, no. I went to the supermarket to grab a few things. Noticed a lot of traffic when I was entering. Right. Thought it would be fine. Then I got to the underground car park and was stuck for like 20 minutes.

Oh, I hate that. 20 minutes? Yeah, barely moved. The cars couldn't get onto the road. Yeah, so there's like a weird loop in the car park where you loop. I don't even know how to explain it. It's cooked. It is absolutely cooked. And people were backing up trying to get in and out and like every

intersection was stopped. So kind of like gridlocked. Yeah, gridlocked in the supermarket car park. Okay. So what did you do? I just parked up and walked home. Wait, did you abandon your car? Yeah, because I live like five, ten minutes walk away. Wait, so were you stopping in at the supermarket on the way home

or had you gone from the home to supermarket? I had gone from the home to supermarket. But it was really raining. It was, eh? Wait, so yeah, it was raining yesterday. I would have said drizzle. That also would have added to this problem with all the cars. Yeah, true.

So when did you have to get your car this morning? No, I walked back like seven-ish last night. Yep. And I was like, seven-ish last night. Yep. And I was like, oh, it'll be cleared up. Of course. Nah, another 30 minutes stuck in traffic. What the hell? I would have just abandoned the car and just, I don't know.

Let me tell you why he abandoned his car and walked home in the rain. Why? Because he said it was going to take him five minutes and he predicted. Because I said to him, hey, Jared, do you want to play Helldivers 2? And he said, yes, Sergeant.

And immediately he was like, I'm at the supermarket, but I'm abandoning my car, traffic looks too bad Wait so you went on foot in the rain to go and play games? Video games It's an important video game though It's a very important video game. I will just say you would have been able to just walk to the supermarket and home In hindsight

I could have. You did He was going through reverse order and a couple of car jams in between Oh my God. So you had to wait for the whole 30 minutes? Yeah. When you got your... Okay, yeah, right. I hate that.

How's a supermarket not realising this is a problem? Well, they had... When I went back and got stuck in traffic the second time... Oh, God. They had got one of the trolley guys to, like, don the white gloves, and he was like, you stop, wave this lane through. I reckon he just popped into the butchery and grabbed a pair of their gloves.

Yeah, should have been, yeah. Anyway, I saw a TikTok and it was a woman who has a nail drawer, like she pulls open a drawer and it's full of nail polishes and she pulls out from it a laminated sheet and it is a full of nail polishes and she pulls out from it a laminated sheet and it is a schedule of nail polish. And the text on the video says, me trying to justify my meticulously

crafted nail polish schedule that I've had planned out for months. It ensures that no bottle gets neglected and that no two colours of the same family are scheduled too close to each other. So that we don't have, you know, pink, orange and then back to pink. Right.

Now, this is high maintenance. Now, I very early, a while ago, said that I'm not high maintenance. I'm not high maintenance at all. I mean, you're very, you're, yeah. I'm a lot, but I'm not high maintenance. I don't really have any huge sort of things to maintain. I don't want you to deal with this.

I don't want any part of it. Guys, stop just looking at each other. I have to go home today and deal with three maintain. Now I'm a double. Now I'm a double. I have to maintain three women and an old Asian man. So I feel like my maintenance, I'm spoken for when it comes to maintaining.

You don't. I've got a high maintenance cat. We have a lot of maintenance. You do have a high maintenance cat. Yeah. You do his nails. I clip his nails. And you scoop his poops because he's an indoor cat.

You run his social media. Dress him up like an old English World War II fighter pilot. Yes, you have to cool him down on his own little ice pad. That's high maintenance. I'm not high maintenance. I wouldn't say you're high maintenance.

I'm one of the guys. My brothers. I'm one of the guys. Anyway, I want to know, if like this woman with her nail polish schedule, how high maintenance are you? Because I know they exist out there. You know that if she's in a flat, she's running some kind of

anal roster. Oh, I know. Anal retentive roster, you know, like, you're on the bins this week, you're doing the dishes. Having a nail roster is one thing, but an anal roster is another. That's a totally different roster. Born Ellen Smith.

Maybe that's how high maintenance you are. We've all flattered with people like this. We know these people. They make a wheel and put it on the fridge. If you see something, just clean it up. No, that doesn't work. Yes, it does. That doesn't work because if you've got one person who can happily turn a blind eye

to everything, they're not doing anything and then the more meticulous person's doing everything. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, exactly. And someone's always going to be the more meticulous person or you end up in one of those flats that you see on the news in Dunedin. Yeah, that's true. Where you're like, oh, I'm glad my son's not living in that flat and then your son walks around the corner and it is his flat. Do you think people though can recognise that they are high maintenance? Absolutely. I have friends that like once a month

they're doing nails, tanning, lasering, skin treatments. Oh, so we're just talking appearance high maintenance. I can't understand it's an example of it. No, anything. But I'm saying an appearance high maintenance person

is a valid example. Right. But maybe you are high maintenance with is a valid example. Right. But maybe you are high maintenance with your bloody car or something. Like imagine if you needed like constant compliments and words of affirmation from your partner and would randomly say to them like, name your five favourite things about my wrists.

That is the way in which I receive, what do you like about my wrists? It was purely an example. Do them. It was purely an example. Do them. It was purely an example. Do them. They are symmetrical. Yep, that's one.

You said five. Your number, your game. I know I'm saying you would ask for it. They really make your watch pop. They do, don't they? Yeah, I've done two. This is hard. You are high maintenance.

I wouldn't have said that that was a high maintenance feature of Hayley Sproul. I suppose it is. 0800 DARS at M We want to take your calls this morning You can text her as well 9696 Tell us how high maintenance you are I don't know if people are going to admit to this People are already in the text machine saying that you two are more high maintenance than I am

I'm low maintenance I'm low maintenance Look I'm low maintenance. Look at me. We've got a photo shoot today and I haven't done a thing. Neither have I. Yeah, good. We're pretty low maintenance when it comes to appearance on the show. We're talking about how high maintenance you are

because there's a woman who has had like a full, broken down, month in advance nail polish schedule. Now, we're in our group chat of the gaggle, also trying to decide who's the most high maintenance. And I'll say it, the one who proposed the question is probably the most high maintenance man. Wow. I wouldn't have said who.

I wouldn't have said who. I'm just saying good morning, Matt. I'm just saying good morning. See, I did wonder if people would want to out themselves as high maintenance or even recognise that they are. Well, I didn't think that my... Compliment fishing.

Compliment fishing was a high maintenance. People don't recognise it. And people are questioning now. There's some text messages where they're questioning if what they do makes them high maintenance. Sam, you're questioning if what you do is high maintenance. I sure am. Okay, your questioning of what you do is high maintenance. I sure am. Okay.

What do you do? I get a full body spray tan every Thursday night. You get one once a week? Once a week, yeah. How long do they last normally? Normally, you can probably get just over a week out of them. But you just don't even want to go back to your pasty ways? No way.

Wow. I mean, are they natural, Sam, or are people too scared to tell you you've gone a bit Irish? No, you've got to own it. I'm fake and I'm proud about it. Oh, I love that. How much does that cost a week? You've definitely got to buy the 10 tan concession card

that drops it down by a good $6 a week. Why don't you just get a sunbed? No, I'm kidding. I was kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Fake tan is the healthy option. Yeah.

That is high maintenance because if you're doing it every week, I would say a lot of women would be like special occasion fake tan. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it started. It's addictive. It's addictive. She's addicted to spray. That's how it started. It's addictive. It's addictive. She's addicted to tan spray.

We scratched the surface here of your maintenance that is high. What else are you doing? Because you said you're fake and you're proud of it. So what are we talking? Nails?

We got lips? No, no, no. Nothing else. Just a tan. I work on a construction site. We have to, you know, we have to rein it in a little bit. That's hot. You're not Botoxing yet? No, it's just a tan. I work on a construction site. We have to, you know, we have to rein it in a little bit. That's hot. You're not Botoxing yet?

No, no. Okay. No. There you go. That's low maintenance, isn't it? Isn't it? Yeah. Low maintenance.

Well, I forget. My husband gets a box of beer every week. Oh, my God. I recently had this thrown in my face. I recently had this thrown in my face. I was like, do we need our nails done? That's what I thrown in my face. I was like, do we need our nails done? That's what I said to Shana. I was like, do we need our nails done?

She's like, do you need a bottle of Jameson's? I was like, I absolutely do. Because you keep getting your nails done. It's stressing me out. It's a cycle. It's a cycle. Sam, thank you for sharing. Some messages in.

Someone said it's pretty unfair to call Hayley high maintenance because she literally went months using public showers and fairly infrequently at that. Yes, I did. Presentation low maintenance. You're actually a bit of a mess. Hang on. Presentation you're a bit yuck.

Did you see on social media yesterday Shannon was saying within we've been on air for how long? Six weeks back from the holiday. And there's already a video called Hayley shits herself and Hayley wets herself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's the other parts, isn't it? Yeah. It's the compliments and telling me how great I am. And was that funny? Guys, was that funny? Was that funny? Someone says. That's what happens after the end of every time we talk when we go to a song.

She's like, is that funny enough? Wait, so why is every single, there's another person that texts in, like Sam, every single Thursday, I also get a fake tan, then every fourth Thursday, lashes and acrylics. Oh, sorry, just knocked the mic off. Why Thursday? Is it that it's fresh for the weekend? Right, fresh for the weekend.

Fresh for the weekend, yeah. Ready for the weekend. I thought it was benefit day. It could be doll day. Was that your benefit day? I think so. I think mine was Wednesday. Or Thursday, yeah.

I think mine was Thursday. I think it was Thursday, so you would, I think it was so to encourage you to spend some money on groceries and rent before the weekend arrived and you'd. Yeah, otherwise if they gave it to you on a Friday. Well, you're unemployed every day is the weekend. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

I'm pretty high maintenance. I have a 10-step night skincare routine and a 12-step morning one. Wow. Just get out the door and get to work. I'm pretty low maintenance, but when it comes to my hair, I get it done. Baleage blonde every six months. It costs $800, and I need the Angels purple shampoo and conditioner,

and it must be Angels brand. Yeah, Angels is nice. Yeah. It costs $800 and they need the Angels Purple Shampoo and conditioner and it must be Angels brand. Yeah, Angels is nice. Yeah. It's nice. Someone said, you want high maintenance? I'm a type one diabetic who's gluten free and dairy free.

Oh God, what are you eating? You're almost at the top of Everest. You just need a vegan in the mix. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day Day, day, day, day It's bad parent week

At Fact of the Day Animal Kingdom And the Animal Kingdom Yep And we've got some examples of some poor parenting from different species. Today, bad dad.

Because yesterday we did bad mum. The quokka ejects the baby quokka from the pouch if it's threatened so that the predator goes after the baby and not her. Absolutely wild fact, that one. Crazy. Today, the sand goby. This is a type of fish. Yes, Fletch, I very carefully pronounced

G-O-B-Y. Goby. Google the pronunciation. It's a fish. It said that it was, yes, it's a little fish. It's a little. Oh, it's very little. Little, little fish. Let me tell you about the sand goby. Dad. Tomato.

It's name, it's science name. Tomato schistus. You say Tomato. It's name. It's science name. Tomato Schistus. You say tomato. I say pomado. So Sand Gobi is hanging around. He looks like the attentive dad. Mum lays the eggs.

What does this fish look like? Tiny. It looks like a little like cockabilly. You know, like the little fish that you go like fishing in the stream. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You see them in little swarms. What do they call them?

Pools. Schools. Schools, yeah. Schools. Gaggles. Little tiny ones. Little gaggles of sand gobies. Of sand gobies.

So dad hangs around and mum lays the eggs. Yeah. And he's like, oh, aren't they cute? And she's like, oh, can't wait to raise them with you. Should we paint the room blue or pink? Yeah. I hope these eggs fix our marriage. There's heaps of them.

So you might want to go, you don't go all blue or all pink. It could be stripes. Yeah. Green's always safe. God, how many bedrooms are you going to need? A lot of bedrooms. Big house, big move-ins. So dad's like, I love being a dad with you.

And she's like, I love you too. And then she's like, I'm going to go for some quiet time. And he's like, that's fine. I love being a dad. I'll watch the eggs. Great. And then when mum leaves, he starts eating them. Dad!

No, dad, dad! Dad, not again! Stop eating the babies! Dad! Dad, you were an egg once. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Apparently, the theory is that he'll eat the biggest ones because the bigger the eggs are of the sand goby,

the longer they take to hatch. And he's bored. Oh, I get that. This is like Fletch. I'd be bored too. Fletch, yeah, he's like, okay, I'm hungry. Yeah. And I'm starting to get a little bit, I can feel it,

I'm getting a little titchy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting a little titchy. Yeah. I do get a lot of hanger. Yeah, it's very high maintenance actually. I can't leave here until these are all hatched. Yes. But I know that big one's going to take a lot longer to hatch, so I might...

Nom nom. Gobble, gone. And so he'll eat the bigger ones first. It's quite ingenious. But never in front of the female. What's left to babysit? Just the littlies. Far less.

Yeah. And he won't do it in front of the females. Wait, so when the mum's back, she's like, oh, God, but bloody Dusty had a massive night out with the girls. Yeah. And he's like, wow, you know what? It was all good here. And she's like, aren't there three missing?

Where's the other ones? What other ones? Why are you looking so bloody fat and chuffed with yourself? I got Uber Eats. Where's my other eggs? You've got a little bit of Uber on your lip there. What's that? What's that?

It's stuck in your moustache. You've got a little something. Is that? It's mayonnaise. Is it my egg? Yeah. Is that? It's mayonnaise. Is it my egg? Yeah. Is that our baby? No.

Hey, stop being crazy. We only ever had three eggs. Don't gaslight me, Kevin. You're being crazy. You're gaslighting me again, Kevin. Nah, this is what you always say because you're crazy. We've only ever had three, remember? Small, small eggs.

We literally talked about how big some of them were. Nah, that must have been your old boyfriend. Why don't you run back to him? Maybe I will. You're acting all crazy. He can have you. He'll eat your eggs as well. And then you go back to, yeah, Marcus.

Those eggs are all gone too. He's gobbled up the big ones as well. So today's fact of the day in the bad dad category is the sand goby who when his wife, wife, like they got married. I like it. His wife. His wife.

Turns his back. He'll eat their children. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Now, I've got a cup-nundrum, as Vaughan's just called it. What's a cup-nundrum? Well, I, we, it's a bit bougie and I don't know how to say it without sounding bougie, but when we've been designing our house, we wanted to have carafts next to the beds in the guest rooms

so that when you stay at our house, you have a delightful glass carafe of water to enjoy. Now, we found some- It just sounds like something you could knock over in the middle of the night when I'm arms are combined. I don't ever have a glass of water next to my bed. People, they have a glass of water. I'm like, yeah, either get a drink bottle

or just go to the kitchen. Well, herein lies my cupnundrum because this is the carafe we bought for the- Oh, my God. It's amber glass, amber-readed glass. And we bought those for the- Unlike any carafe I've ever seen. Yeah.

So it's bought for the, we bought two of them for the second biggest room in the house. Yeah. Right? So if you're lucky enough to stay in there and not the baby room, that's got a green carafe. Right. Of course it does. You get two carafes.

Right. Now, we've been sleeping in this room because our room's not done. And we've had the carafes just still there from when we had guests. And the other day, I made the bed and I flicked the duvet, knocked the carafe. Straight into carafes. The cup came off because the cup fits perfectly on top of the carafe. The cup came off, hit the carpet,

but somehow still managed to shatter into a million pieces. And I was like, that sucks, but oh well, you know, c'est la vie. Now yesterday Aaron texted me saying, what happened to the cup on the carafe on your side of the bed? And I was like hoping he just wouldn't notice. I didn't know that he would pay much attention. I would have swapped his cup onto yours. I would have said, if you made the bed when you got it,

oh no, because you're not in the same beds at the moment. No, we're back in the same beds. Oh, I would have said, well, if you'd made the bed when you hopped out of it, this wouldn't have happened. Because that's what our healthy relationship is built on, immediately passing the buck straight back to you. I didn't think of that at the time. Anyway, in my head, I was like, it's fine, whatever.

Like that person just doesn't get a matching cup. They can have another cup for their carafe set. And when I said to Aaron, I said, oh yeah, I accidentally flicked it off about a week ago. And yeah, I shattered the cup. And I just got a text back that said, okay. Now I didn't realise he'd be so upset about the cup carafe situation

He's obviously quite upset I know So I said to him, I was like, look I'll contact they're from Freedom, and I said I'll contact Freedom and see if they'll replace just the cup because I don't want a spare carafe and it feels wasteful to have the carafe You know, these are the issues I'm dealing with

Big real first world issues. Big issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that's not a choice. So now I'm faced with the choice of I can buy a full new carafe tumbler set and that's going to cost $35. Okay. Or I can buy the cups but I can only buy them in a set of four

which is going to cost me $50. I only need one of these cups. They don't sell the cup alone. Why don't you take the remaining cup with the carafe, the unbroken one, and throw it? Now you've got no cups. Now you can just go and buy two rogue cups that match the glass kind of. No, but they sit on like a

tube, like it's like a perfect thing. That was what that was on the top of the carafe. It was the glass as a lid. Yes. So it's like a full it's a full thing. When you get it, it's like it clicks on. See, I would buy the carafe with the glass. Perfectly, you see? Yep. The glass fits on

perfectly. Buy the carafe with the glass, put that beside the bed. Now the remaining carafe, I'd turn that into a vase in another room. Yeah, same. For flowers. Because it looks like a vase.

It looks like a vase. Or do I buy the four set of cups? Here's the cup nundrum. No. And then replace one of them and now I've got backup cups if this ever happens again. Where are you going to put three cups?

I've got too many. I've got enough cups. Cups always have to be in twos or fours or sixes. I know and now I've got three rogue cups. Five in total. Two on the carafts. It's funny you say that because I have four Prosecco glasses and

one has just disappeared which I'm assuming someone broke at a party at my house. And didn't own up to it. Who hasn't owned up to it? I didn't break it. Unless it was the night we did the podcast specials in which I have no memory

and I don't want to take responsibility for it, but. The Christmas podcast cocktail special, yes. You can still listen to them, I believe. Don't know. Anyway, that's my cup nundrum.

We were different people then. We've grown up since then. We've matured quite a bit since then. Yeah. I would. I think I need to. I think the best option so far is to get the carafe set. It's matured quite a bit since then. Yeah. I would... I think I need to... I think the best option so far is to get the carafe set.

It's cheaper. I only take the cup. I put it on the thing. And then with that spare carafe... Make a vase. Make a vase. That's a good idea. And then if you break a carafe when you make the beard again,

you've got a backup. I've got a backup carafe. But then if I break the cup again, I don't have... The cup will always break before the carafe, though. Yeah, the carafe's bigger. Yeah. Cup nundrum. A real cup n have my back. The cup will always break before the carafe, though. Yeah, the carafe's bigger. Yeah. Cup nundrum. A real cup nundrum there.

True cup nundrum. How are you going to sleep tonight? I don't know. It is tough for me. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hayley wants to buy a vintage Mercedes. If she wins Lotto.

If I win Lotto, no, I've got no money to buy a car. She's dreaming of a vintage Mercedes. I went to the supermarket when I was at Faroes, but just moments before I wet my pants. I walked in and I saw this 1970s Mercedes convertible and I have it in my head that I want to buy a stupid car. Like a stupid, like a bomb. What about a car that's a hot dog?

Yeah, like something laughable. That's something that's like when you pull up, people are like, ha, ha, like that. Like when we had the snail car. Dude, every time I see a Nissan S car go, I'm like, damn, those were the glory days. Yeah. We had a company car and it was a registered horse.

Did you set it on fire? And then we blew it up, a new plummet. Yeah. Well, you could have still had it if you weren't such bloody mechanics were like yeah whenever I see one I'm like I wonder if that's like how much it's costing them because the fuse kept blowing so I just

pulled open a key ring you know the key rings that you put your keys on it's quite a thick piece of metal and I made it straight and then I bypassed the fuses. Who let him do this? Now, that got red hot, and that smoked a little bit. Right. But it worked.

It was a great car. It worked. What a great car that was. I've only had a few cars in my life, and they've all been these practical hatchbacks. Like your Mazda. I've had two Mazda 3s, and they just, I've just got to, I've told you, I don't know if it's a quarter life. Quarter life.

You live into 120 years old, eh? Yes. At least. I don't know if I'm having a quarter life crisis, but I told you, I've got two things brewing at the moment. An affair. Yeah. I'm considering having an affair.

Which I was wondering because it was just a laugh, and then she said it in front of Aaron at the pub on Friday night, and I was like, and he was like, I don't know if this is an affair. It seems, yeah, no, he's, if he's sanctioned. It's sanctioned. That's the word I'm after. I want a sanctioned affair.

Oh, I'm not going to go behind his back. I love the man, and I wouldn't betray him. That's not an affair. I'm going to play it like it is. Oh, the actors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do things like this in bed, like hide my phone. Who are you texting?

No one, my mum. Yeah, and you've changed your past. like going to stay with the girls this weekend. Wink. Wink, wink, wink, wink. Change your passcode. And then I'll go and meet up with my new hunk of a man or boyish girl and I'll pull up in a silly car. Like those are the two things I really need.

Also, we need to establish the silly car. He's talking a hot dog mobile. And I'm looking at a 1970s Mercedes and you're talking about a rad just a little bit impractical vintage

Mercedes that I can't afford that you can't afford and certainly couldn't afford if something went deadly wrong because you know

how it's been well I'm having a quarter life crisis watch me burn one of them is cheaper I think the affair

should be near free other than hotel stays and flowers and what not when I woo them Obviously. One of them is cheaper. I think the affair should be near free. Other than hotel stays and flowers and whatnot. When I woo them, the car will have to wait. You could do a sponsored post with Expedia.com. You could actually do your whole major quarter life crisis. You could do a third life. We'll go third life. Yeah, a third of a life crisis.

You could do a whole third life crisis as an influencer on Instagram and get it all sponsored. Oh, my God. And I could put, like, emojis over the person's face. People would skip through the sponsored content, but they'd be staying because of the juicy affair-based content. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch me crash and burn my entire life.

Well, congratulations to you, podcast listener. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.