ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 27th September 2024

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Something you didn't know musicians do SLP - Should we still give wedding gifts? What do people with no families do? Top 6 - Teacher only days Questions not to ask on a first date Vaughan's scone hack Final rankings Hayley's professional email What do you always lose? Friday Flashback Eye tracking study on dating app Fact of the day - Streak week What would've been a disaster if you were a second later?  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchvorn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Thank you Bryn, good morning, welcome to the show. Fletchvorn and Hayley, happy Friday. Oh not happy, my camera was on, forward facing, underneath the chins.

And I just looked down and went, ah! Yikes. Here we go. It's a much better angle. Yeah, much better angle like that. Sort of got some swollen eyelids today. Well, you did have a comedy gig last night. I did have a comedy gig last night.

A late night? Yeah, it was a late night, but it was a good fun night. Thanks to everyone who came. Was it charity? Was charity. You don't like to go on about it? Do you know what the charity was? I hate, why did you bring up my charity work?

I know, I'm sorry. It was a charity called, I can't even remember what it was called, Suits, Suits something. And it was. Suits, Suits something. Suits something. Suits, Suits, riot, riot. It's terrible that I've forgotten, but because they change it,

they do this gig every month and they change the charity. Oh, that's a good idea. And this one was funding wetsuits for underprivileged people. And you can donate your wetsuits. Okay. That's cool. If you haven't pissed in them too much. Yeah, definitely. Everyone's waiting.

Give them a rinse. Yeah. I've got a wetsuit in the garage. I'll never, ever wear it again. Well, there you go. I could have given it to this charity. Yeah. Well, you could. Second Suits, it's called. Second'll never ever wear it again. Well, there you go. I could have given it to this charity. Yeah. Well, you could.

Second Suits, it's called. Second Suits. Second Suits. SecondSuits.org if you want to donate a wet suit because they're a terrible fabric for the environment. Great for the surf, but for the environment, terrible. So instead of chucking it out. Great for a pencil case in the 1990s, the neoprene. Oh, a little neoprene. I've got to say that's one of the most niche charities I've ever...

I know. I've never heard someone down and out in their life being like, boy, I could turn it all around if I had a wetsuit. No, but it's getting underprivileged people into surfing. Right. That's the thing. Not just giving them wetsuits and being like, here's a wetsuit. What am I going to do with it? Getting them into the surf and stuff.

Right, okay. Because then I was going to say, then you've got to get them a river raft and another five friends in wetsuits and paddles. Do they teach them to swim before they put them in the water? Nah, raw dog. This is wild. And you did this in West Auckland with some of the most dangerous beaches nearby,

no one to man. Yeah. Thank you for doing some charity. Thank you. Oh, I didn't want to bring it up. I had a little bit of a late night last night. Okay. I got trapped into watching the Netflix documentary on Vince McMahon.

The guy that... The wrestling guy. Have you... I don't even think you'd have to be into or have enjoyed wrestling in any period of time to be like, this is interesting. Is he... He's a piece of shit? He's a piece of shit?

Yeah, I thought so. Oh, the blonde guy. What? Yeah. No, that's Ric Flair. Blonde guy. He's grey hair. Vince McMahon.

You're grey, sorry. He... They're halfway through filming this documentary. When it comes out, he's paid $12 million hush money to women because he's like, yeah, right. Got them pregnant or had sex with them at work or all those things. Fascinating. I've got a night in on the couch today on my own. Yeah, give it a home. Okay.

I watched the first episode. You could watch it in your wetsuit. I could. No, I'd be more of a donator of the wetsuit. It's for underprivileged people to get out on the surf. Those that otherwise

wouldn't have a chance. What about the board? Well, you've got to start somewhere. The board comes before the suit. You can't just have boards and suits. Next month,

he's doing a comedy charity event to get money for people to get... To get the boards. Yeah, surfboards. You've got to build the kit. You can't just come in straight away. I would have thought you'd gone surfboard, then wetsuit. No, we're going to go wetsuits first. Okay.

Get them to get in the ocean in the wetsuit. Silly little... What charity work did you do last night, Fletch? Getting underprivileged people into golf, but giving them an outfit. Like golf slacks. It's not all like that. We're going to get you some plus balls and a polo.

It's an environmental as well as a social charity. Okay? Silly little pole is coming up. Because I don't think anyone ever throws out wetsuits. No. No. Exactly. So they're just sitting around gathering dust when they could be helping. But you said't think anyone ever throws out wetsuits. No. No. Exactly. So they're just sitting around

gathering dust when they could be helping. But you said that bad for the environment. Thank you. But if they're sitting in the garage that's got to be better than landfill. Thank you for your charity.

Silly Little Pole is coming up. And thank you for yours when you do it. Why should we still give wedding gifts? Because you know a lot of people spend so much money

getting to the wedding getting dresses or a suit or whatever. Getting waxed, plucked, shaved, tanned. I was thinking for the next wedding I go to, I'll give them a wetsuit. Get them into surfing.

Not if that's my wedding. I don't want a wetsuit. I don't have the thighs for it. He's already got one. Okay, next on the show. Hayley. I don't know. Let's have a look. Oh, okay. I've got a little insider story, a look behind the curtain of the music industry

and a niche little thing that some musicians get done. And this is straight from the source. I hope she doesn't mind me telling this story. Bit of goss. Bit of goss. From the boss. Play Zed-N's Fleshborn and Hayley. I was led into a little industry secret yesterday.

This is like Hayley Sproul, Scandal Queenie. Oh, my God. Now, I did say that I wanted to adopt a sort of Scandal Queenie title, but unfortunately, Sproul doesn't really rhyme. You're so foul with Hayley Sproul. Yeah, but what's that got to do with scandals? The scandals are the essence of what I'm trying to do. Right, right. Hayley Sproul. Yeah, but what's that got to do with scandals? The scandals are the essence of what I'm trying to do. Right, right.

Hayley Sproul, Scandal Cow. I mean, that's not... Oh, that's brilliant. That's not great. Yeah, that's good. Celebrities, it'll make you howl with Hayley Sproul. That sucks. That's not as good as Hayley Sproul, Scandal Cow.

I didn't want to call you a cow. That's okay. Okay, well, you have some celebrity scandal queening Yes I was getting my nails done yesterday Paws By the way amazing Raspberry Yes so nice

Is it red is it pink Yeah I know That's great I went in and I said I wanted red nails And my friend Sophie York who does my nails was like I've got to suggest Do you address her by her first and last name every time you talk to her Hello my friend Sophie York I said how are you my friend Sophie York, who does my nails, was like, I've got to suggest. Do you address her by her first and last name every time you talk to her?

Hello, my friend Sophie York. I said, how are you, my friend Sophie York? She says, Hayley Sproul, I'm doing well. Did you tell her you were doing a charity event to raise money for wetsuits? I did. And she said, well, boy, boy, have I got the colour for you to get the attention while you hold that mic and raise that money for those wetsuits. Love it.

And anyway, she was just a fantastic raspberry. Fantastic raspberry. Lovely colour. Great colour. Great colour. And anyway, she was just a fantastic raspberry. Fantastic raspberry. Love the colour. Great colour. Great colour. I'm sure she won't mind me saying this. I haven't run this past anyone. I've heard people say that before and then soon after,

the person did mind. Not yet. Well, maybe don't say who. Okay. But just give it a bit of gravitas. Okay, I'll try without saying who. Turn off the mics and tell us who. I already know. Don't tell the ward. Don't tell the ward. of gravitas. Okay, I'll try without saying who. Turn off the mics and tell us who. I already know.

Don't tell the ward. Don't tell the ward. Okay. So, but I have Googled and this is actually part of, there's one Reddit thread that has noted that this is in this very famous singer's rider. Oh, okay. Which is an acrylic nail specialist on standby. And my friend Sophie.

Katy Perry. No. New Zealanders? Way back. No. No, wait, because the reason why- The reason why, and you wouldn't expect this from this male artist who plays guitar,

is he, in every city he goes to, gets an acrylic nail specialist, or like someone who does nails, to come backstage and fit him with one really thick, hard acrylic nail that he uses to pick instead of holding a pick. Oh, rather than a pick. Yeah. And apparently this is like an industry thing

and people like Slash and like other famous guitarists do it all the time. Would you put it on your index finger and then support your finger with the thumb and the finger either side? I don't know. I don't know how to pick a guitar. Whatever would be your main. Yeah.

God, after the gig, you have to be careful. Or you go to pick your nose. Go to pick your nose up. Oh, my God, right through the brain. Take a layer off, yeah. Yeah, so she was part of this once. She was working with an acrylic nail specialist and was told, you know, you're going to have to be here.

And so she brought Sophie along and got to the stage door and they were like, why is there two of you? She was like, well, I was told there might have been a couple of things. And they're like, no. So my friend Sophie got ushered away. Sophie York? My friend Sophie York, who does my nails, got ushered away while her boss did this big, thick acrylic nail

for one of the biggest artists of all time. Elvis Presley? No. Lord, you're being silly. The Beatles? No. What are you doing? silly. The Beatles. No. No? What are you doing?

She's a big artist. How old is your friend? All time. Oh, 40. Yeah, yeah, you're going too old. You're going too old. Okay, yeah, you're right. John Lennon was dead.

I'll just say he's a massive artist who, despite his age, is still touring now. It's not Frankie Valli, by the way. I think I was Dead on Stage. But anyway, it just sort of blew my mind that these artists are there. Is it like a rock band or a solo artist? Solo artist with a backing band.

Okay. Or Jovi. No, because that was the name of the band. I'm not going to give you any more clues. He was born in the USA and that's it. The boss! The boss. Don't give it away. The boss.

You gave it away. I'm not saying his name. We're not saying his name. Anyway, isn't that interesting? And apparently all these artists, and I was like, how weird would it look? Even someone as rock and roll as Slash,

the Guns N' Roses guitarist with his skinny jeans and top hat and his big hair and this little cute raspberry acrylic nail. Do you reckon he goes raspberry? No, I reckon he'll go raspberry because it's the colour of the season. I was told this is very on trend.

So Slash, get on board. Silly Little Pole is next on the show. Should we still give gifts at weddings? When I voted, I couldn't believe the results. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Paul.

Should your workmate be able to tell you to shut up at 18 minutes past six? Because he just did and it was very rude. We were actually, you were dealing with some technical issues and me and Vaughn were actually trying to catch up about a nice chicken stew. Yeah, I had a second to go on air and so I said shut up. We weren't finished our conversation.

Well, you can finish that later. We'll finish it now. And so it was nice. It was good the second day around. How I'd do it different next time? More garlic. Obviously. Like garlic cloves. Yeah, obviously.

I want to cook it on a fire. And dip a mum of fear rallies in it. Yes. Ooh, yuck. Okay, now we can go on with the show. Silly little poll. Should we still give wedding gusts? So when I voted, I don't know if I was early or we're in the line up. Yeah.

But people were majority yes. I don't know how we've come out in the wash. 62% said yes. Oh my god no no no we're not building a home together when we're getting married anymore. That was what it was

all about. Speak for yourself heathen. Some of us waited until marriage to cohabitate and have sex in real relations. Yeah, but not by choice. And no one in this room. Just because you couldn't find

my penis. Because no one wanted to touch your penis. Yucky. Until they were legally bound to. I just find it absurd. I think you spend so much money

on getting to a wedding. Chuck a little cash. If I wasn't wishing well, I'll sometimes do it. Yeah Chuck a little cash. If I'm wishing well, I'll sometimes do it. I think a little gift, yeah, a little cash gift. I'm not buying them a tea set or... Going to a wedding

with an arm full of toaster seems stupid. Oh, yeah, ridiculous. Either give it to them later or just don't... Or just some cash. I just think as well, like if you can't...

I don't know. I just feel like if you can't afford your honeymoon, I'm sorry. I'm not paying for it. I'm here at the wedding. I've you can't, I don't know, I just feel like if you can't afford your honeymoon, I'm sorry. I'm not paying for it. I'm here at the wedding. I've bought a dress.

I've bought flights. I'm in an Airbnb. This weekend's going to cost me $1,000 probably. And now you want a little $50 koha for your Balinese getaway? We had a... I feel quite passionately about this. Yeah, you do. You're really rocked up. We had a wishing well or treasure chest or something at ours.

Yeah. And some people just put money in. It ruled. Spreading the money out on the bed the next day. They're like, look at all this money. And it wasn't like. Then what did you do? Just packed the money back into the.

Right. Rolled it up and packed it away. Yeah. Yeah. And then bound it with rubber bands. Pretended to be drug dealers for a little bit. Yeah. I think lots of family feel like they want to give you something,

which I understand, but I just think for friends and stuff, so many of my friends are broke. I'd be mortified. Don't invite their broke ass to the wedding. I think if you can afford it. I've still got poor friends. If you can afford it, do it, but don't judge people if they can't. Yes, and don't stretch yourself.

Just them being there is enough. Yeah, exactly. That's a cultural thing, eh? There's some cultures where it's like a competition to see who can give the couple the most money. Oh my God, Polynesian. People literally take loans out against their name. Oh no, you can't ask people to do that.

Like Samoan culture, it's all about like how much money you can give the couple. They put the money on them. And they pin it on you when the woman's doing the dance and stuff. They'll like put it on her dress and you're like, anyway. Okay, maybe I should have a Samoan wedding. Yeah. Actually, yeah, I wouldn't mind maybe I should have a Samoan wedding.

Yeah. Actually, yeah, I wouldn't mind nabbing me a Polynesian prince. I'll learn the dance. I'll learn the dance. Sarah says, no one asked you to get married and invite us. Hold on. What? Are you angry?

No one asked you to get married and invite me to it. You don't have to go. Give money instead, says Linda. No one getting married these days wants a physical gift, but I'm sure everybody would like a bit of cash. Yeah.

Shelly said, yes, a gift, but just cash. It's like paying for a ticket to their wedding. $150 to $200 cash for two people to attend, dinner, free booze and dancing,

cheap night out with all of your closest friends, really. Actually, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Oh, you want her over? Geez, a flip-flopper over there. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, you've won her over.

Jeez, a flip-flopper over there. Oh, I know. What a swing voter. I was married in January, says Tanya. We asked for no presents. Times are tough. We wanted people at our wedding with no pressure of gifts.

Times have changed. It's not a 21-year-old getting married and setting up home anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tegan says, only if it's not a destination wedding. If people have to travel, you shouldn't be asking for money

yeah but people have to travel not everyone you know and love yeah the wedding's not in my apartment building so if I have to travel and leave

then I won't be getting a gift it'd be a bit of a shit thingy where would you do it in your apartment building the foyer? yeah probably the foyer

on the stage yeah buzzer in buzzer in yep open it's open but then I'd resent that because then I am not leaving my apartment and then I have to get them a gift.

Yeah, exactly. So I can't win. Yeah. I'm getting married next week, says Ash. I recognise this name. Ash has contributed to the show. Well, this is great news. A long-time listener.

Lovely. Thank you for budging. First time marriage. First time married. I specifically put on the RSVP That we don't want gifts I've lost count of the amount of people That have asked what we want for a gift

Literally just bring yourself Or a million dollars Yeah Or like $100 moochie voucher Do you know what I mean? Don't worry about Aaron Wait so now you want a gift

Now you want a gift I don't want to give gifts That's what I was getting passionate about Right okay No one When I get married Stacey says No one needs another effing platter Now you want a gift. Now you want a gift. I don't want to give gifts. That's what I was getting passionate about. Right, okay. No one... When I get married. Stacey says, no one needs another effing platter

to store unused for seven years and counting. Cash all the way, baby. If she wants to send me a platter, she's got a leftover one. Yeah, I don't have that many platters. I've got a drawer full of them. Do you? Every time you open it,

bang, bang, bang. Clang, clang, clang. Yeah, someone gets caught on the thing. Why should I have to pay for gifts simply for attending somebody else's life decision? I feel the same about bridal showers, baby showers, children's birthday parties. I now say no to everything. Wow, Aaron. Yeah, good.

Have you met Fletch? Good lord. Anyway, that's a little pop Yesterday, my family were away Indy's at sports camp And Sade and August went down to see sports camp And so I just got home from What do you mean see sports camp? Oh, like the last day of the semifinals and stuff

Of what? What sports? All of them The semifinals of all of the sports. Yeah, they're playing hockey. They played touch. They played ultimate frisbee. I don't know the rules to that. And the parents can go visit.

On the last day, you can go because it's kind of like the finals. Oh, right. And then they end the day with like a chair competition. They do some dance thing and they practice beforehand. Oh, chair as in cheerleading. Yeah. How embarrassing. What?

Musical chairs? Yeah. Not a sport. Tell was like, how embarrassing. What, musical chairs? Yeah. Not a sport. Tell you what, if it got competitive, it could be. Do you know, we work, listener,

around quite a large circular desk. Musical chairs. We could play musical chairs. And when the music stops, you just get, whoever's in front of Fletcher's thing just gets to push the buttons.

Yes. No. Get a chair. It's good fun. Great game, actually. Actually, a great way to downsize here at the station, too. Yeah. Cut some costs.

Yeah, right. If you don't get a chair, you don't get a job. Yeah. Wow. You're gone. Wow. I don't know if that's an employment law thing. We'll run that past Bogsy, but it's an idea.

It's an idea. Yeah. Great way to hit the KPIs. Yeah, we're really about those KPIs today, guys. I forgot what we were talking about. Family. What is wrong with you? Do you know what's wrong with him? He was left

to his own devices yesterday. So I got home. Oh, here we go. I got home. I'm triggering him there. I got home. You've got me back on track. I pulled the cord. Thank you. That's a big KPI booster over there. Thank you very much. Two KPIs for you. I don't know what KPIs are. Two KPIs for you. Kisses, oh, you're tricky. You've got me back on track. I pulled the cord. Thank you. That's a big KPI booster over there. Thank you very much. Two KPIs for you. Thank you.

I don't know what KPIs are. Two KPIs for you. Kisses, pets, and insults. Pat, pat. Dumb face. You ugly. You ugly. So I even went to the gym and I got home and I had a thing to do at like two o'clock.

Yeah. Someone was coming around to film something. More on that later. Subscribe. I'm outsourcing my OnlyFans content. I'm too lazy. You've got to get those good angles. Then I had to do some editing and change a few

things on another video. But the whole time I was there by myself and I was just like what do you do? There's no noise. There's no like, oh, I've got to go pick up the kids at three o'clock. It's heaven. It's so wild. What do you mean?

It's amazing. I could do whatever I wanted. Yep. Yep. And like, it's always weird when we go away with work. If we leave straight after work and we're like, get like these few hours in the afternoon and there's a hotel room. I just kind of sit there and I'm just like,

I've played with myself twice. I can't do that again. That's done. Tick, tick. I just sit there and I'm like, what do people do? Some decorum, please. Some decorum, please.

Please have some decorum. Being at home on my own, and I don't mean to be insulting to Aaron, who also lives in my house. Who lives at your house. And that wasn't a collective either. You said, who also lives at my house. Who lives at your house? And that wasn't a collective either. You said, who also lives at my house? But when I

am home alone, I love it. It's, I can see. And not just for any reason. Yeah. Because last night I said, yesterday I was like, I've got a late gig. And I said, I should probably grab a nap actually. Get ahead on some sleep. And then he said, I might have a nap. But I said, let's nap in separate rooms because I don't want an interrupted nap.

And then Aaron said, I can't nap. I'm going to go around and hang out with Jake. And I was like, okay, perfect. And then I was like, I'm alone. Yeah. Fantastic. It's my favourite thing. It's so weird.

And I've got so much done. I like did two loads of washing. I unloaded the dishwasher. I restacked the dishwasher. Back to life, baby. I washed some dishes by hand that don't go in the dishwasher, that if Sade was home, she'd just huck it in the dishwasher. I'd restack the dishwasher. Bachelor life, baby. I'd wash some dishes by hand that don't go in the dishwasher, that if Sade was home, she'd just huck in the dishwasher. It gets very busy, doesn't it?

Very busy. Do you get mints? You have any mints? No, I had leftover stew from the night before, so there's no need for food. Yeah, right. That was all good. But it was wild.

The night time's weird. That's the bit I find weird. I can do the whole day, and then you get to the night, and you're like, good night. I guess I'll just take myself off to bed. It's dark, yeah. There's no one being like, oh, shoot, there's a time. Or no one for you to say, oh, I'm going to pop to bed.

You just sort of think, oh, have a shower. That's when you watch TV, movies. Yeah. I tend to, when I'm home alone during the night, I tend to stay up really late just because you don't have that other person to be like, go to bed. Or you say to them, I should go to bed and that's all it takes to motivate you to go to bed. But if they're not there to say it to you, you person to be like, hey, go to bed. Or you say to them, I should go to bed and that's all it takes to motivate you to go to bed.

But if they're not there to say it to you, you're kind of like, do I just stay up forever? It's just weird. How do I transition from the lounge to the bedroom? I talked to my parents last night. I was like, what was it like when you finally had no children at home? And they were like, wonderful. I was like, did you feel a bit lost? They're like, what was it like when you finally had no children at home? And they were like, wonderful.

Yeah. I was like, did you feel a bit lost? They were like, no. No. I was like, I feel like we're very different. Even. Yeah, because I was like, I felt a bit lost without them. Yeah, but you're raising beautiful little angels and they had to raise you.

Oh my God, horrible. Screw that for a living. Yeah, horrible children. Yeah, terrible. All three of you. Yeah, terrible. Bad. One three.

Worse, slightly better in your three. Worse. Slightly better. In your three. Am I slightly better? No, I did it in order of birth. Oh, okay. That's terrible. Bad. Terrible.

Shocking. Slightly better. That's my sister. Yeah. I think you've got the order all turfed up. No, I've nailed it. I've actually nailed it the first time around. Play.

ZM. Splech, Vaughn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Teachers' only days. Remember how great they were? When you were a kid, but when you're a parent,

you're like, what? Another one? Yeah. That's how it works. I love when teachers make them into a long weekend ahead of school holidays or ahead of another long weekend. Yeah. Or like Friday, then they take the Monday.

Always tip of the hat to the teachers. But I think that's why they are having a clamp down on it. Schools won't be able to hold teacher-only days during term time and parents of students absent for 15 days could be prosecuted. These are two new things. Okay. 15 days? Jesus. Yeah. 15 days. Jesus.

Yeah. My kids just sometimes go, eh, eh, eh. Shardy's like, oh, for goodness sake, you better stay home. I was terrible. And I get home and they're like screaming and running around the house. I'm just like, why aren't you at school? No way. We'd have an arm, like a limb, just barely hanging on my tendon.

And mum would be like, get to school. Definitely primary school. But I think come high school, my parents let me get away with it more. Really? Yeah, they'd be heading off to work and my mum would be like, are you getting up? Oh, I don't feel that well. Fine. Yeah. Just leave you to it. No. So five days absent, school contacts the parents and guardians to determine a reason and set expectations. Ten days absent, school leaders meet with parents and guardians and the student to develop a plan to address the barriers

to attendance and then 15 days ministry takes over the response including possible prosecution of parents wow prosecution

prosecution but also teacher only days under the microscope schools will be unable to take teacher only days during term

instead are booking those during school holidays if needed god why would why would be like the union Schools will be unable to take teacher-only days during term and instead are booking those during school holidays if needed. God. Why would... You're like, the union's going to agree to that. Put teacher-only days in the middle of the school holidays. Yeah.

Please. Come on. They are doing the Lord's work. I know. You've got to have some perk putting up with those ratbags. Exactly. They are raising the nation. Sweet little long.

And then you, like, mate, did you ever go to school on a teacher's only day to, like, just go play on the playground? Yeah, or, like, pick something up. And then sometimes there was, like, a teacher there, and you're like, wait, what are you doing here? Yeah. You're not supposed to be here.

You're meant to be in Fiji, aren't you? Yeah. A ball of an ucker. Yeah, ahead of Easter. Yeah. And it backs up to Anzac Day. This makes perfect sense. Top six things to call teacher's only day to throw David Seymour off the scent.

Yeah. Number six on the list. Secret communist meeting day. He's not going to go anywhere near that. No. Secret communists. Heck no. Because he doesn't want people thinking he's a secret communist.

No. Yeah. He doesn't want there to be communism, but he certainly doesn't want people thinking he's a secret communist. Number five on the list of the top six things to call teachers only day to throw David Seymour off the case. People who can smile without looking like a possessed ventriloquist don't get the day off day. Because then he won't be able to go and check up on the schools because he'll be at work. Number four on the list of the top six things

to call teachers only day to throw David Seymour off the case. No students allowed due to wild lions being on school grounds day. You can't send kids to school if there's wild lions on the loose. Oh, that's irresponsible. Keep them home. Yeah.

Keep them home. Number three on the list of the top six. I didn't have number one, so I just had an idea for number one. I was going to say, because my high school

was next to the American embassies. Anytime there was a bomb threat, day off. Wow. Crazy way. How often were there bomb threats? It happened at least like three or four times in my five years. That's crazy. Don't age

me. Don't date me. Do you know what I mean? Early 2000s, I was at high school. You're giving it away. I wouldn't want to date you. Not for all the tea in China. Oh, you mean date as in like age you. I thought you meant actually go on a date with your girl. Would it be such a horrible idea? I'm great chat and a babe to boot.

Yeah. Yep. No, no, I'm just writing number one. Sorry, what did you say? This is outrageous. Would it be so outlandish, the idea of me on a date? Anyway. Anyway, number three on the list of the top six things to call teachers on a date

to throw David Seymour off the scent. One less day at school to Seymour off the scent. One less day at school to save the government some money day. Oh, he loves that. He loves a bit of austerity. How are the schools going to prove to him that it's going to save money? They don't need to. They'll just call it that.

Well, it's one day less using resources. And turn all the lights off. Imagine all the power that's saved. Do it during winter so you can turn off the heater. Yeah. Heaps. Yeah. Heaps. Turn off the pool. Tuck shop saving ingredients. Yeah. Yep. Although the tuck shop probably makes money back. So he'd want the tuck shop to stay open but also be open to

the public. You can come into school but there'll be no heat or power but the tuck shop will be running. It's cold and it's dark but the ovens are going. The sausage rolls. Number two on the list of the top six things to call teachers only to throw David Seymour off the case

are brown kids cultural day off day because then he'll hit the roof that the white kids aren't getting a day off as well and then everyone gets a day off. And then yeah right.

Good go to. That's called reverse psychology. Gotcha. Gotcha. And number one on the list of the top six things to call teachers only to throw David Seymour

off the case evacuation drill practice day. Oh yeah. Okay. We're practicing evacuating by not turning up in the first place. The safest way to evacuate is never being there in the first place. Yeah. Great idea.

That's great. Okay, well, there's six for the unions. You're most welcome. That's today's Top Six. Do you think I'd be a good dating coach? Because we read a lot of these articles online from dating experts and dating coaches and sometimes I feel like they're just making it up.

I 100% think they're making it up. What I have on my hands is... What I would like. Yeah, exactly. Personal taste, personal preference. But what I have on my hands is a useless acting degree. I could perform as a dating coach. Okay, right.

Fletch, fantastic that you've reached out to connect with me and I really admire your courage to acknowledge where you've needed help and to get back in the dating world. It's been some years now since you've had a long-term partner. Right, right.

And I know that you have this image, Fletch, that you are an independent man and that's a life that you enjoy living but I see the sadness in your eyes. Do you, do you, yeah. And so it's my pleasure to... The tears, I hear the tears. I heard you in the reception area crying

of your loneliness. And so I'm just honoured that you would come to me and to get some advice on dating. And where I want to start, can I call you Fletch or do you prefer Carl? I don't like this at all. Carl And where I want to start, can I call you Fletcher or do you prefer Carl? I don't like this at all. Carl, where I want to start. This is way too much like therapy for her.

I just, yeah, actually I'm too deep into the therapist realm here. Look at him, he's like, shut up, I'm fine. I'm like, just leave me alone. I want to return back to a time in your childhood where no, shut up. Leave the cork in the bottle. Childhood was perfect!

Anyway, there is a dating coach, Blaine and Blaine has given three questions not to ask on a first date. Take these with a bag of salt. Question one, what's your dating history? Don't worry about

the past. Oh wait, so these are questions not to ask. Not to ask. That's a terrible question. That's fair enough. Well, you agree with that. Dating history, it's about the now. Yeah. Also, you didn't include in that sexual history.

Who gives two squirts of water? Beg your pardon? That's definitely the saying. Who gives two squirts of water? Who gives two squirts of the spray bottle? Yeah. How many people you've slept with How many people you've dated Stay present in the now

The here and the now Not let your ex Why'd you guys break up? Or where are they now? Who cares? Don't bring up This is first date We don't need to know about exes

But you've got to ask Because what if they've been dating Like got really massive The brother Guys Born just because they've got massive Arms But that's got nothing to do with you

They're here with you now And your little weedy little chicken arms I don't want them thinking that That's what everybody's penis looks like Yeah right Because they're setting themselves up For a world of disappointment Okay

Well here's another one The second question is Do you want to go on another date? At the end of the first date You'll be like Oh I think I had such a nice night I had such a nice night. Or the next morning. I had such a nice night.

Do you want to do this again? Why not? Blaine says, simmer. Let it simmer. Go away and be like, hey, I had a really nice time. Leave and then really take time within yourself without the pressure of their presence to be like, do I actually want to go on a second date? Yeah, because it might be hard for you to say no

in front of them. Feel a bit of pressure. Or the other way. Yeah, and then they'll feel pressure vice versa. So, okay. I thought these were going to be terrible actually so far. I kind of agree that these are good. Okay. That's smart.

Yeah. I actually might, for me, I might employ these in my practice as a dating coach. Okay. That's a good question. I'm going to write that down in my journal. Question number three, not to ask on a first date. Should we go, if you've had drinks, we're just meeting up at ask on a first date. Should we go, if you've had drinks,

we're just meeting up at a bar for some drinks, should we have dinner? Yes. So they're saying, I know, I'm like, well, but if the date's going well, they say,

But what if it's dinner time? If the date's going well, And you've got a vibe they're going to pay. I know, but they're saying prolonging a date isn't always a good thing as it can sometimes create

a false sense of things going really well. So you might be like, oh my God, this is going so well, I'm really enjoying this, we should have dinner going really well. So you might be like, oh my God, this is going so well. I'm really enjoying this. We should have dinner. And then at dinner,

you're like, oh yuck. And then it's like, now the night's going to progress to going home to your house. And then you've got to wait for the food to come

and it's, yeah. Yeah, and you're like, now we're at dinner and we're in this other environment. They're like, it's better if you're really enjoying it.

Have the drinks. Leave. Keep the wine more. Plan the next one. Plan the next one to get your dinner and stuff. Make sure you're really into it.

Those were three sensible questions not to ask. And so Fletch, I think as you look towards re-entering into the dating world. I'm just going to cut you off right now.

I'm just going to cut you out here. I encourage you. Can I call you Carl? I prefer Carl. What I encourage you to do, Carl, is just... I'm just going to cut you off there. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. I'm just going to cut you off there. Yesterday after the show, a small breakfast was put forward as an option.

I think it's just good to touch base as genuine friends and not just workmates. Yeah. Get out of here. Get to a cafe. Touch base. Cafe Terrier. Have some eggs. Yeah.

How are you? How's life? So a little while ago, Hayley stumbled across this situation where she asked for an off menu item. Because there's an eggs on toast, but you're like, I just need to tone it down. Yeah. And I'll get eggs on toast. Yeah. There's eggs on toast, but it comes with extras, which Fletch loves.

Well, you get mushrooms and avocados. and so it adds up to be a bit. Yeah. And it is a big breakfast. It's a big breakfast. Yeah. And then one day I went in, and eggs on toast is like lots of eggs on a couple of bits of toast. And I was like, can I just have a bit of toast and some scrambled eggs? And basically half the amount of scrambled eggs.

Yeah. And it was a loophole, wasn't it? Because the first time you got it, was it? It's like $9. Yeah. And it was a loophole, wasn't it? Because the first time you got it was at $9. $9? Which is a loophole. And then I think they were like, whoopsie doopsie, she's loopholed us. Yeah. Now it's gone up to $13.

Yeah. So yesterday I decided to explore some more loopholes. Okay. Because the eggs on toast is good. It's not too much. If you're going to go to the gym on the way home, you don't want a full, full stomach. So I was like, but I don't want toast. I feel like I'm paying too much for bread.

It's just a slice of bread. So I said, can I have that savory scone? I'm talking bacon. I'm talking cheese. I'm talking parsley, chives. And I said, this scone in particular. Yeah, he pointed. I saw talking cheese. I'm talking parsley, chives. And I said this scone in particular. Yeah, he pointed. I saw you do this.

That one under there with that. Do you know when you see like a bun or something and it's got icing on it or a slice and if you leave it up to them to pick, they never pick the one you want. So you've got to say, I want that one. Yeah, I always say that. I want that one. Yeah, second to the left. That one. No, no. Yes, in front of that one.

That one. So I said, I want that scone. And she's like, I want you to cut it in half. I want you to toast it. And when it's done toasting, put a bit of butter on it. Then I want you to put scrambled eggs on top of the scone. Me and Fletch have already sat down by this point, ordered a simple meal.

This woman looked at me like I'm watching this And you were like describing So flay it open Yeah you could see your hands going like this Like this And then just Toast it

Put this on top The part that you've just exposed By running a knife through it I want that face down on the little toaster grill I want it to crisp again Yeah And then I want you to Take it out

Put that back up Butter on that Yeah Spread it or not I don, put that bat up, butter on that. Yeah. Spread it or not. I don't care. Just a bit of butter on the top of the scone. Then I want you to take the scrambled eggs like she's getting, not the full amount, and plomp it on top of the scone.

Put some on there. How much? She looked at me like I was talking another language. And she's like, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. I'm just going to have to attach it to the tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. I'm just going to have to attach it to this place. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Like she's frantically emailing her manager. Are we allowed to do this to a scone?

It seems like a crime to a scone. She's like, I'm going to have to put this in the notes so the chef knows what I'm talking about. And I was like, that's fine. And I gave her a thumbs up. I paid $12. $1 less than what she paid for the same amount of eggs on just one piece of plain, boring bread. I will say, though, because normally the little printer goes

and prints out the receipt and the chef gets it. She had to walk around and I saw her explaining to the chef twice. No, he was like, because then it went in the kitchen and he's looking, trying to get someone on the front desk's attention, like, hey, what the hell is this paragraph long description of what I'm dealing with here? You want me to do what to a scone? So she went into the kitchen and explained it to him

and you just saw, he's looking around like, where's the guy that ordered this? Would do this to a scone. Yeah. And then another woman who works there had to walk around as well. It was a bambouzled everyone. A bambouzled, it was a big kefafa.

You got eggs on a scone, which is better than bread for a dollar cheaper. For a dollar cheaper than with bread. What a loophole from Smithy. The only thing it was lacking was the relish-y thing. Like the sauce.

Yeah, I donated. Hayley doesn't eat that so I used hers. Yeah. Well, next time ask for relish but then that could

bump up the price if they bump it up a bar. Take my relish. Take your relish. But what if you want to do the scone hack next time? That's what friends are for.

And we end up with a relish-less table. Then we all can split a relish. I reckon post-paying you go back up and ask for a ramekin of relish. Yeah, couldn't get a schmear of relish, could I? Yeah, and make it sound like they're really inconvenienced you

because you had to walk back up for it. So they don't dare even think about the possibility of charging you for it. Well, if you are going to a cafe this weekend for a Saturday or a Sunday brunch and they do scones, check out how much a scone costs and then see how much extras under extras at scrambled egg is. You may find it cheaper than eggs on toast and you get a scone. Someone's texting saying, oh my God, you bastards.

Stop already. We have to deal with too many effing idiots in hospital as it is. Now you're giving them all this ammo. Stop it. Yeah. I look, don't, hey, don't have a shot at me. I just order once on the menu like a normal person. You went menu, I went slightly off menu, and you went wild.

I went rogue, and I'm never going back. You're gonna be that prick every time. What's next? No, now it's like what's next? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I do next? Cabinet V Kitchen. Play ZM's Fleshed One and Hayley. It's the final rankings.

Final rankings. We do this Rankings. Final Rankings. We do this every Friday. We rank things. Today we're doing... We had a whole lot of options today, didn't we? What were we thinking? Forms of ginger.

Tea. Tea. You wanted to do tea. I don't really drink tea. Yeah. I drink a bit of tea. Yeah. I tell you what,

I spill the tea. Yeah, you do. Hey, back off though, because I'm Hayley Sproul, Scandal Cow. So when it comes to spilling tea, I spill it. That is your job. Today we've settled on keys on the keyboard that aren't letters. Yeah. So any other good stuff.

Goodies and all that gone. Now, I have a question. Yeah. Because on a laptop, it ends at the return, doesn't it? The enter key. You might call that the return key. But if you go on like a keyboard keyboard. Which we've brought into studio.

We've got insert, delete, home, end, page up, page down. Oh, yeah. On a dial. And then you've got your number pad. Does anybody love them enough to include them? No. No. Numlock.

Numlock. Oh, I do love numlock. Do you love a numlock? A numlock. I used to love them? No. Nah. Numlok? Numlok, yeah. Oh, I do love Numlok. Do you love a Numlok? Numlok. I used to love a Numlok. Yeah. When I worked for my dad, completely legitimately, I used to do... Oh, so when you say legitimately, we could go back to when you were a teenager...

And the tax records will be there. And there'll be a tax record of your payment. Isn't there like a seven-year amnesty sort of thing? Soccer, anywhere... Yeah, but you're in your early 20s, so. That's right. Yeah. That's right.

Yeah. I am 24. Yeah, you look it. That's right. Yeah. That would be right for him. Yeah. Then you would be able to see.

First 24 I've seen with Botox. That's not Botox. That's my 24 year old forehead. 24 year olds are getting the Botox. Yeah, they are, dude. Aren't they? Dude. I am a dude. Preventative. If your forehead never wrinkles, getting the Botox. Yeah, they are, dude. Are they? Dude. I am a dude.

Preventative. If your forehead never wrinkles, you never have wrinkles. Crazy, eh? I know. Wow. Anyway, here's me running behind like, whoa, whoa, whoa, am I too late? Am I too late? But I used to love a Noom lock because I'd use the pad for the data entry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Putting in numbers. Do you know what? The rules. I will send out, we'll do our pre-pay mails and I'll do all my things in capitals. I love the caps lock. I think caps lock is my number one. Oh, my God.

I love caps lock. Caps lock pops. Do you know what's crazy? No. You know how I'm fast at typing? And we proved this when we did a typing test a few weeks ago. Yeah. When I do a capital, I go caps on, letter, caps on.

Do you? I had to. I taught myself wrong. I can't just go shift. No, I shift. I can shift. I know. I taught myself wrong I can't I can't just go shift No I shift I can shift I know

Do you know why I like the caps lock I don't know if this is On my Mac keyboard It lights up It lights up And I love it On a nice keyboard

It lights up It's my favourite It's my favourite key Okay so caps lock's Your number one Caps lock is my number one Oh the space bar Yeah

Your words look pretty stupid without a space bar. Oh, yeah, well, I do. I just made a discovery. What? On Macs, anyway. Open up somewhere where you're going to type.

Yeah. Like a chat or something. Yeah. I don't know if it'll work on an email. I'm currently on Instagram. Yeah. And if you press that

bottom left-hand one function with the globe, it opens up the emoji menu. Yeah. Dude, my dude. Game menu. Dude, my dude. Game changer. Oh, my dude. Functions just leapt up into my top five, Oos.

Oh, my God. Do you know what? I'm going to go caps lock number one, tab. Two. Yeah, tab rule. People don't tab enough with forms. When they're online doing a form, tab, tab, tab. I know.

They'll fill in a thing and then go move the mouse. No, tab. But sometimes tab. I know, they'll fill in a thing and then go move the mouse. No, tab. But sometimes tab will really screw the pooch. Like if you're in a Word document or something, you're trying to format something, you press tab and it moves everything. Yeah, maybe. It moves everything to a chunk. Tab's taking too much power.

It's also good to alt-tab between tabs. Alt-tab is the best use of tabs. Yeah, what are you looking at? Nothing. Alt-tab. Nothing, nothing. And then I would go space bar as my number three. Those are my top three.

Not a delete or a return. How good is it when you're like, da-da-da-da-da-da. Boom. Bang, return. Or enter on a Microsoft. Yeah. Enter. Boom.

I'm going. This function's really screwed me here because I'm an old school control alt delete. So I could almost go control alt delete, but I don't need that anymore on a Mac. As a combo. As a combo. Are we allowing combos?

Wait, I didn't think we were allowing you. No combos. No combos. I was going to say control alt delete would be my three. I'm going to go... Boring. That's really boring from you. Don't call me boring.

She's going to change her answers now. I'm really... I reckon... I don't know how boring is the worst thing Don't call me boring. She's going to change her answers now. I'm really, I'm a spicy. I reckon boring is the worst thing you could call me. Control-Alt-Delete. Do you know, I'd rather be anything than boring. Predictable and boring. Hayley Sproul.

Vanilla. I would frown if I could. Yeah. But she's got a tight 24-year-old. I can't frown yet because I'm only 24. I'm going, caps lock's right up there. I'm going caps locks right up there. I'm going to go return or enter. Yep, yep.

Boom. Take that. It is good pressing a hard enter. Yeah. And then I'm going to go caps lock and then I'm going to go delete. No, escape. I redact, delete. I delete, delete.

I'm going to go escape. Okay, Vaughn. Someone said are we counting like punct-co- like punctuation stuff? No. No, I don't think so. That's part of- No, that's part of- That's part of the letter.

Oh, it's not really, but- I don't want you hyper-glitzing your dashes. Who's messaging saying colon? Someone said how good is F10? What's F10? It's just F10. That's volume. That's mute.

See, on a Windows computer, F5 is like a refresh, right? Yes. So I can see an F5. Whereas I just know the Apple shortcut is Apple R for refresh, right? Yeah. Someone said closed brackets their favourite. Oh, shut up. No, we're not doing that.

We're not doing symbols. Do you like the square closed brackets? No. I like the flourishy one. I knew you would. Oh, no, no. I'm old school with my parentheses. Yeah.

I just like a gentle curve. No, parentheses is brackets. Yeah. No, but that's round. Yeah. I just like a gentle curve. No, parentheses is brackets. Yeah. No, that's round. Yeah. Yeah, there's three. There's square. There's square brackets.

I don't want square. There's round brackets. No, no, no. I'm just OG parentheses. I don't want the camp ones. I'm OG. I really thought you would have been a camp bracket guy. Nah.

I can see why you think I'm a camp bracket guy. Yeah. But I'm not. We're learning about each other still, which is nice. It is. Even you guys, after 20 years. I like... What did I choose?

Enter or return caps lock escape. Can you pass me that pen? I haven't been writing down who voted for what. You know what? Caps lock's winning so far. I'll tell you that much. What did you do, Fletch? I did caps lock.

Caps. Is that your number one? Yeah. And then you did Space Bar. And then Tab. No, I did Tab and then Space Bar. Tab. Space.

And what did you vote for, Hayley? My vote went to Enter or Return. Uh-huh. Enter forward slash Return. Uh-huh. Caps lock And escape It really doesn't matter What do you mean it doesn't matter?

And what was your last one? Escape Escape Escape is a great button Yeah okay I like this Get me out of here My number one is return

Or enter Okay Gorgeous My number two is tab Yeah good Nice actually Multifunctional Yeah good

Multifunctional. Yeah, good. Multifunctional, but I am wary of tab. Yeah. Screwing the perch on a formatting. Yeah, because some websites aren't good with it. Yeah. It'll do it. And number three, probably your classic, space. Okay.

Wow. Well, this is going to be tight. So. It's long. It's a long key. Mine's sticky currently. That's why I'm not choosing it. Oh, my God.

I've got a sticky G, actually. Do you have a sticky G? To have a shower. Wash it, I reckon. I reckon give it a scrub. Wash your sticky G. Because every time I go to type something with G in it, it stays down. My home computer has a sticky space where I'm like, yuck.

Like, do I have to buy a whole new keyboard? Can I wash it? What have you been looking up that you've been hitting the G so hard? Okay, so Enter has one, two. Enter has six points. Enter. Caps Lock has three. It's so painful listening to you do this.

Can you not just do it? Five points. This whole segment started as a bit of fun, and you've made it really data heavy. Tab, two points and two more points. It doesn't matter more. It doesn't appear on that list. And how bad you are at math that it takes this long. Caps.

Three. Okay. Tab. Oh my god. We can hear you carrying the one. Space bar has one point. Space bar has two points. And escape has one point. So today's winner. Yes.

With six points. Yes. First place, Enter. Congratulations, Enter. Enter. Congratulations. Caps Lock in second place. Yeah, good.

With five points. I didn't even vote for that. Yeah, but we voted hard on it. You voted hard. And Tab, third place with four points. That's great. I'm happy with this. I'm really happy actually

Congratulations Yes Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley I was going to say next on the show But how about right now Yeah On the show Let's do that

I have been Dealing with A hospital Like an intern Like as part of a hospital Specialist thing Oh yeah What? I'm trying to dance around as part of a hospital specialist thing. Oh, yeah. What?

I'm trying to dance around. This is Hayley trying to be vague. What? A neurologist. Okay. And I didn't want to fear the audience. No, it's absolutely nothing. But I've been seeing a neurologist, right?

I mean, I think they all, everyone listening knows something's not right upstairs. No, I think they all, everyone listening knows something's not right upstairs. No, I think they're trying to tap into my creative brain. I think that's what they're looking at. How, where does she get this from? This is because of your knee pain, right? It's part of the knee thing.

Yeah. I get my injection today, by the way. I got delayed. I'm so excited. Anyway, this is it. Today, in the afternoon, you're getting injected in the knee. With a cortisone.

Oh, I get it. I've had a cortisone injection in my back. Yeah, but someone said the back ones are really bad and they've got a massive needle. The knee one apparently not as bad. Oh, well, they give you a local anaesthetic, so I didn't feel a thing. Jesus.

Must have been a tiny needle. That's what she said. Yeah. To do a thing, tiny needle. Grow up! Yeah, I mean, it's CT guided into your spine, isn't it? It's quite horrific. That's what she said.

Didn't quite work the second time. Anyway, so I've been dealing with this thing. Yeah. And, you know, with the reception, it's always like, dear Hayley Sproul, your appointment with Dr. That's a hell of a doctor. Yeah. How long did Dr. D's a hell of a doctor. Yeah. How long did Dr.

study for? Years. Okay, good. Years. And I replied back to an email about an appointment. And then yesterday I got the email back. And I was like, excuse me? And it's just this.

Done and emailed you. Done, no capital D. You. Excuse me? And it's just this. Done and emailed you. Done, no capital D. You, just the letter U. And I suddenly was like. Oh my God, I thought it had XXX under it, but that's not. No, that's dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot. Done and emailed you.

I was like, I think you'd, what? Because you wouldn't expect a hospital adjacent specialist clinic. Why are you? I found it so funny. What did you send to them? Okay, well, mine said, yes, please, exclamation mark. Yeah, so I think they were just riding your vine. Done and, yeah, I think they're just riding, yeah, exactly.

So what was it like? Would you like to read books? And you said, yes, please. And they said, done and thank, done. Done and just writing. Yeah, exactly. So what was it like? Would you like to read books? And you said, yes, please. And they said, done and thank. Done. Done and emailed you. Done and emailed you. But you, just the letter you.

Like a text in 2001. I was like, interesting. I just found it such a novelty. And I was like, this feels like Gen Z. They hate capitals. And you know, I've always taken umbrage with that. Yeah. I think they just absolutely went off your vibe of yes, please, short, sweet, no. Okay, so you think I've always taken umbrage with that. Yeah. I think they just absolutely went off your vibe of yes please

short, sweet, no. Okay so you think I've laid the tone. Yeah. And they met you there. And they're obviously firing off a million emails. Yeah but my yes please had both capital letters and punctuation. Wow. I'm just saying. It wasn't quite my tone. This is the world we live in now though. You.

Just letter U. You don't have to write the whole word. Apparently. Or use capitals. That's wild. Anyway, it really tickled me. I got it and I was like, did your daughter take over where you went to the toilet or something? Okay, somebody

doesn't want their injection today? No, this is a different office. Oh, right. Different people. Okay, right. Yeah, maybe they're going to be like, oh, she roasted me on the radio and I'm inside her brain now. Tie a few strings together. What? Isn't that what they do?

Strings? Yeah, the little worms. The worms? The brain strings. The brain strings? Jesus Christ. I think we need to move this appointment forward. She thinks her head's full of brain worms and strings.

Don't get in there and muddle up with my brain strings. They just tune your brain strings too tight. She's all muddled up in her brain string. Play ZM's Fletch for the nightly. Play ZM. Bless my dad. Now, preface, he's got Alzheimer's, but I don't think this is Alzheimer's adjacent

this is just who my dad is as a person my mum he is constantly losing his glasses like we buy

he buys the cheap you know like warehouse or pharmacy glasses plus one point he's worked out his prescription by going in

and giving himself his own optics test of just holding it up and being like, yeah, that one's actually the best one. Yeah, yeah. And then it's getting weaker.

We'll go up one. We'll go up one. We'll go up one. Yeah. And then I think my mum got him some nice glasses. And then same with sunglasses, constantly losing them. Constantly losing these glasses. And then so I go to like $2 shops and I buy a bottle.

I'll get like 10 pairs of glasses. He'll look fine in. And I send them to him like, just lose them. Who cares? Yeah. He had a nice pair of glasses so my mum got him one of those strings

you know the strings that you put on the tips I've been thinking about getting a string I've got some what do you have them for like when you go hiking oh yeah

yeah yeah so you can go off and on off and on because you've got a hat on yeah if they get blown off or something yeah

god where are you hiking it's so windy. The sunglasses are blowing off your face. I might go hiking this weekend, actually. Yeah. And then I might get blown off my face. How many times have your sunglasses blown off of your face? I've never had my sunglasses blown off my face.

Neither. And I've been in some windy, windy situations. I'm from Wellington. Yeah. I was born on the horn of the bottom of South America. Yeah. That's where I was born. Yeah.

Give us some of your Spanish. Si papi. Si papi hola. That's your dad. Yeah. Right. Margarita. Sorry.

That's a drink. Sorry. I had no idea you spoke Spanish. Yeah. A drink. It was a Spanish drink. You want to eat it? This guy's a dick.

Duh. Yeah. Agua. Water. Agua. Agua. Yeah. Por favor.

Yeah. You know. Close it off. Close it off. Oh my God. Yeah. Agua Water Agua Agua Yeah Por favor Yeah You know Close enough Close enough Oh my god Yeah He just He just

Suculo Suculo Yeah It's my favourite shape Yeah Si si Senorita Si si

Vamanos Salsa Vamanos I'm in a hurry Yeah Tango Yeah Flamingo

Arriba Arriba Ondole Ondole Mama Ia Ia Oh That's where I'm from Tango. Flamingo. Arriba, arriba, ondale, ondale. Mama, ia, ia. Now he was Spanish. But back to my original point,

now that I've definitely proven my Spanish origins. Very windy. Cape Horn. Very windy. And I've never had my sunglasses blown off my face. Yeah, exactly. Neither has my father. The reason for the string is so that he...

Around the neck. Around the neck. And he doesn't lose them. And my dad reads, reads, reads, reads, reads and he'll always like take them off and put them somewhere never to be seen again

so he's got the string. What about getting those glasses? Have you seen people with those glasses? Because I've never worn glasses apart from sunglasses that like... Or flip out.

Oh my God, they're magneted in the middle? Magnet! They're magic glasses. They always blow my mind. I love them, eh? Yeah. They've gone in half. This is wild. And then they go... Well, my mum sent me a message saying,

bought your dad a string for his glasses so that he doesn't lose his glasses. Yep. Then she sends me a photo of the string and says, we've got the string, he's lost the glasses. How did he get the glasses off? I don't know. It's just the most iconic dad move

to have been bought something so you don't lose something. Yeah. And the only thing you've got is this piece of string now. I thought it was so funny. Meant to help you not lose them. But where, like, mine's my keys. not lose them. But mine's my keys. I don't know. Mine's my keys and my phone.

And if I didn't have an Apple Watch, I'd have to have bought like 10 phones this year. I'll never find it. That's why you've got to get the ear tags. Clip them with everything. I know, but I say I'm going to do it, but I don't. I want to know, what is the thing that you're always losing? I think we should get some calls and texts.

Your mind? Are you taking calls about mind? My brain worms, my brain strings. Because you've got brain strings. Not losing your mind, but like everyone's got that one thing, be it your keys or like maybe it's your kid. Maybe you just can't buy expensive sunglasses. You're just, you've given up ever buying.

Yeah, because you're just constantly losing them. Yeah, you go to the $2 shop, you stock up for a month worth of glasses. I haven't spent any decent amount of money on sunglasses since my mooie mooie pair. Mooie mooie? Your mooieie pair. Mooie mooie? Your mooie moois. Mooie mooie. I didn't know that you got into meoow meoow.

More meoow meoow. Maud loved his meoow meoow meos. I had a big pair of meoow meos. Did you? Wow. Yeah, 2000s. Big googly pair of meoow meos. Yeah.

Maud was actually quite a fashion icon. The year was 2007. Yeah. And my meoow meos. Do you mean you had your bamboo sunglasses for a while? Yeah, but they were cheap. But that was all good and they broke and that was 2007. And my me-oo-me-oos. You had your bamboo sunglasses for a while, didn't you? Yeah, but they were cheap. But that was all good and they broke and that was fine. Okay, so what are you always losing?

We want to know from you this morning. 0800-DARLS-AT-M is the number. Text through 9696. What are you always losing? Right now, we're asking you. That's right. Three minutes to eight o'clock in the morning. Friday morning.

Boy, oh boy, the weekend's on the horizon. I personally, I can't wait for it. Every time someone says you've got a great voice for radio, that's what I think they mean. This is my normal voice. This is how I talk. I don't change it for radio. Right.

And I think this is probably what they mean. What a weird way of kind of having a bit of a brag that Paula Talish has got a great voice for radio. You should hear what they say about my face, my acting, my comedy. No, I don't want comedy, everything in between. I don't need to. We want to know, right now on the radio, we want to know from you, what is the thing that you're constantly losing?

Here on national radio. Somebody said lip balms. Oh, constant. I don't use lip balms. I do. You never get down to the bottom, very rarely. When I get down to the bottom of a lip balm, I'm like, congratulations, you didn't lose it. I've got my lip balm to the bottom. Very rarely. When I get down to the bottom of a lip balm I'm like congratulations

you didn't lose it. I've got my lip balm to the level of pat down where I'm like phone, key, lip balm, wallet. He's a dry boy when it comes to the mouth. Dry lips.

Dry boy. He's a dry boy but he keeps them moist for the ladies. So he's ready for the ladies. Smooching. Boy he's got a week.

I'll tell you what he's got a weekend full of smooching ahead of him too. What? Look forward to those supple ladies. I tell you what, I'm doing hiking, and you know how my sunglasses always blow off my head. And the wind chaps your lips. That's why you always got to.

Chaps my lips. That's why I've got lip balm, not chapstick. Umbrellas. Somebody said I'm constantly putting them down and then forgetting I put them down somewhere and then by the time I'm like, where's my umbrella? It's gone. Do you know nothing will stop you losing umbrellas

like spending good money on one, like getting a blunt? I don't own a blunt. I've never. I always have like free ones from brands like a real estate agent or something. Yeah. You know what I mean? They always have an umbrella.

You'll lose an LJ hooker down the road to a Wellington Westerly. They used to have really good ones. They were black and white striped. My mum was a hooker. The LJ hooker. They road to a Wellington Westerly. They used to have really good ones. They were black and white striped. My mum was a hooker. The LJ hooker. They used to call themselves the hookers. Yeah.

In the internet ball too. Yeah. And they had these black and white striped ones with LJ hookers. Do you know them? I know them. Another one. Great umbrella. Yeah.

Even in Wellington. Here's a free idea for Blunt. Make a slot in the handle where I can put an air tag in. Oh, yeah. Good from you. That's good from me. Good from put an ear tag in. Oh, yeah. Good from you. That's good from you. Good from you. Good from me.

Great from me. It's like when people are saying, Vaughan, your voice got such great ideas and what a voice for the radio. I don't think that they say that. They do. And why are you thumbing in compliments? Well, I just felt like there was an imbalance of compliments.

You'd complimented yourself. No one complimented me. Sit down, be humble. Yeah. I'd actually complimented my supple lips earlier. You'd complimented. So that's one each. Should we stop there?

I think we call it. Okay. Well, let's call it there. That's classic me, actually, balancing things perfectly. Now I've had two. You have. God damn it, I've unbalanced that. Okay, well, we all get one.

Okay, you get one more. Fletch, keeping it tight. Fletch is keeping it tight? No, you've given him two. Now he's got one. Now I need another one. No, I just echoed yours. Okay, so that only counts as one.

I got an ass that don't quit. You can't compliment yourself. Oh, no, I thought we were giving ourselves compliments. Well, now I've had an extra. You've had too many. No, I haven't had enough. Who's keeping a count of compliments? You haven't given me any.

The nails. I'm just going to go to the news. Great stuff. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Friday Flashback. We'll get into that soon, but right now it's my pick for Friday Flashback. And I decided to take a look back in the charts. I just chose a random year, 2009.

This very week in 2009, Beyonce's Sweet Dreams was number two. Sweet dreams are made in... A beautiful nightmare. No, you're thinking of the Eurythmics. Yeah, that was a long time ago. You should play the Eurythmics. No. Sweet dreams are made of these.

Who am I to disagree? Travel the world and the seven seas. You can do that next week. Maybe I will. I will do something from we're not doing that. Travel the world and the seven seas. You can do that next week. Maybe I will. In fact, I will do something from the Eurythmics. I love the Eurythmics. Will you? The Eurythmics rule.

And you don't... Annie Lennox. Now, that's my kind of a woman. I've gone... Boyish lesbian. I've gone for a... Is she lesbian? I don't know.

Let me Google. She gives lesbian. We can't go on until we know Annie Lennox is sexually... Gives big lesbian energy. She's lesbian. We can't go on until we know Annie Lennox is sexually. Gives big lesbian energy. She's giving big lesbian energy. Hey guys, someone texted in saying Blunt had their own version of the air tax. Annie Lennox. It's kind of a slightly subversive statement and what's even more subversive about it is

I'm not at all gay. I'm completely heterosexual. Damn it. Wow. 100% heterosexual. Do you know I sound like a man Being like Maybe she just hasn't Met the right one But something about

When lesbians do it It's kind of cute Yeah it's cute Yeah Although this song is From This week In 2009

It was the number one song And in fact It was the number one song In most countries Around the world If it wasn't one It was two Three or four

It was the first time this artist actually cracked it big in America. Big time. What? I'm just looking at the Eurythmics top five. We're not doing Eurythmics. Nothing what you're gonna do now is gonna compare to. I know, I know. There must be an angel playing with my heart by the Eurythmics.

What a banger. Banger, banger, banger. Also a banger. This is the number one song this very week in 2009. It's your Friday flashback. David Guetta, Akon, Sexy Check on ZM. It's your Friday flashback on ZM. David Guetta, Akon, Sexy Check. And it has been pointed out that was an Outback classic, that song.

Yeah, someone said, yeah, bit of PTSD to the Outback there. Sticky floors, wandering hands. Oh, gosh. So many nights in the clubs thinking I could shuffle to the song. Remember that? Every day I'm shuffling. Buddy, Ellie Mayfay, though, eh? What a band

Sorry that was it It came across disingenuous It was very disingenuous What a band Somebody said Banger Made my walk speed up a bit Eurythmics would have been better Stay tuned next week

The Eurythmics week I'm thinking Sweet Dreams Are Made of These It's a bit slow But it starts like If you're gonna Just the start I just This

This This This This You know what I'm talking about This little Yeah How long

Until a new pop artist Does one of those Like versions of this Of this I mean Marilyn Manson Did a version But we don't talk about it That's a

That's a banger Oh I wanted that Next week Stay tuned Next week Long tease The postman delivers I mean, Marilyn Manson did a version, but we don't know about it. That's a banger. Oh, I wanted that. Next week. Stay tuned. Next week. Long tease. The postman delivers.

Yeah, the postman's letting you know that the package has arrived in the country, but it's sitting in the depot for a week. This is the kind of postman he is. Delayed shipping. Delayed shipping. Yeah, a week. You know it's going to be worth it when you get there. Yeah, if it turns up. If it turns up.

It'll be a hole in the bag. I'm just ticking off KPIs over here. Yeah, fantastic. We've got the KPI king. I will actually mention that coming up on the show on the station today, Friday Jams from 9, and heck, wherever you are, listen to Georgia on iHeartRadio. That's a KPI.

That's going to help the KPIs. You can take us anywhere you go. You can take Georgia anywhere. Anywhere you go. That's a KPI. Oh, my God, And Benson Boone tickets today From midday too So make sure you listen

To iHeartRadio Shaday asked me If I know what KPI's meant Because we said it so much I don't know I don't know what KPI's They're just graphs We go to these

Is that what it means? Is that what it means? Yeah In all seriousness In all seriousness You don't know what KPI's are No They always just bloody say it

Don't they? Key performance incentives Key performance incentives. Key performance incentives. Oh, no, that's right, because that's why we're getting a jet ski. But I told them I don't want a jet ski. Yeah, I know, but... Oh, sorry, not incentives, indicator.

Ah, indicators. That makes more sense. Oh, yeah, key performance. So then they don't have to give you an incentive? We've got no incentives. Do jet skis have indicators? Like, how do you let the other dudes and babes know you're pulling left?

You just bloody hoon it. You just fang it. That sounds dangerous. Okay, so the indicators. Indicators. Key performance indicators. Would we technically call this another one? I'm selling my jet ski immediately if we hit our KPIs.

I'm not putting it on the water because you'll lose value. I'm not even picking it up. Does it come on a trailer? I'm working it straight on Trade Me. Trailer included. Yeah. I'll pick it up and take it home because I'm worried they'll leave it on the yard. At home, I can put it picking it up. Does it come on a trailer? I'm working it straight on Trade Me. Trailer included. Yeah. Oh, yeah, nice. I'll pick it up and take it home because I'm worried they'll leave it on the yard.

At home, I can put it in the shed. There is room for your jet skis too. I can move a few things. I've got my own garage. Thank you for my own jet ski. Yeah, it's full of shit though. And I'm next to a beautiful river, which absolutely requires a jet ski. Right.

No tick. Now, tonight, we've got a family buffet. Bev's birthday. Marbles Buffet. It's famous in New Plymouth. Never been. This is where you saw Darth a family buffet. Bev's birthday? Marbles Buffet. It's famous in New Plymouth. Never been. This is where you saw Darth Vader and cried? Is that correct?

No, that was Cobb & Co. That was Cobb & Co. That was Cobb & Co. Darth Vader was very scary as a child. Were you skewy? Were you skewy? Did Cobb & Co have Lucasfilm permission to be carting out Darth Vader? I don't know if during the 90s or whenever it was the 80s,

Cobb & Co had permission. I'm unsure. In fact, I don't even know if that was an official Darth Vader. Probably just a man in a big black plastic mask. And I'm assuming there was no background check either. No, I'm assuming you're right there. Yeah. So we've got a buffet tonight

and this is the first time I've done a buffet in ages. I think there's been hotel breakfast buffets. Yeah, but that doesn't count. It doesn't count. You're talking about your main meal buffet where I did one at Sky City not long ago and where there's a bit of Asian, there's some Mexican. How's the Sky City buffet I've never buffeted?

I've only buffeted when I've done performances at Sky City Theatre and often they'll put the buffet on for you. It's good. A lot of everything. Christmas vibes sometimes. Always a leg of ham. In Auckland. You know what? We should do one of our famous maps and we put a map up of the best buffets in the country. Oh, the summer roadie.

The summer buffet. Nothing says summer like going on a muggy hot New Zealand summer night and ramming so much food down your pipe. And you're going to need a chunny. Yeah. So what's this buffet's vibe?

It's everything. Bit of everything. We're going to Asia, we're going to Mexico, we're going to America, we've got Christmas. So what, I need a strategy. When you get there, you're kind of on your own. You eat what you like. Yep.

Dodge the bread rolls. Oh yeah, I don't do the carbs. Don't do rice. Don't do rice. Don't do rice. I'm not filling up on breads before. But wait, are you more concerned

about the pre? My pre-buffet strategy is as follows. Okay. Yep. Now it doesn't quite work because I was always a late big breakfast.

Okay, because I've gone early breakfast already. I'm going to have another one. You might have to have another. You could probably still do

a sort of a just before lunch Sizeable breakfast Because I don't want to close up my guts And then they're shrunken Or do I want to open up my guts You stretch them early You stretch myself early And then

You're pounding water You're pounding water Two reasons Keeps the stomach a bit like stretched it. Yeah. But helps digest what's in there. Because remember, Vaughan and I have studied medical, we've got medical degrees.

Yeah. You'll remember from earlier in the week that we actually have medical degrees. Do you want me to start using some more scientific terms for this? I think the layman's terms are good for now. Yeah. But when you said get the stomach real stretched, I was like, that's right.

Yes. In the medical world world we call it stretched stretched doesn't stretch stretched it and that's why he has the authority to say how this all works as you were doctor thank you doctor and so then you're pounding water

some you can go like a fizzy drink because it fills you up like a sprite yeah I can go a Sprite. Not too close to game time though. When was the last time you bought Sprite? Recently because my kids love it. I was like, that's absurd.

I'll tell you what, even if it's a 42, it hits the Sprite. No, only if I'm chunnier. Only if I'm like crook as a dog. No, no, no. Flat Sprite. Delicious, even when you're not sick. So, hit that. Keep the gut stretched for the day, but you can't eat again because it's going to sit.

But what if I get hungry before the buffet? I feel like I don't want to fill up on snacks. No, no, no. Dodge snacks. Don't snack. Dodge snacks. But this guy is a hungry boy. He's a hungry boy and he's a hangry boy.

Yeah. You don't want him like going. Yeah, a hungry boy and he's a hangry boy. Yeah. You don't want him like going. Yeah, he could be rolling into that buffet hangry. What time's din-dons? I don't know. It'll be way later than I ever have dinner. I have dinner at like four o'clock. It'll be adult time.

Yeah, it'll be adult time dinner. Yeah. So is that. I just keep it stretched, keep it going. And then once you're within like one, when you're on your way, it's just pure excitement and you're really excited. Okay. The excitement, keep it going. And then once you're within like one, when you're on your way, it's just pure excitement and you're really excited. Okay.

The excitement will keep you going. And, you know, also I want to keep in the back of your mind a little psychological add-on. Got to think about value for money. And I know you're a man, you're a fiscal man. I'm going to meet. I'm going to order the mates. You're a fiscal man.

So when you're studying peckish late in the afternoon, you think, I'm paying good money for this. Yeah. You know, you want your money. Yeah. Someone said marbles are so dangerous. Last time I was there, I went with my friend and we both ended up throwing up in the bathroom

due to overeating. Had a nice swim in their pool beforehand, though. Oh, lovely. Look at the pool. Okay. Look at the pool. Yeah, well, I mean, I'm not going to overeat, but I'm certainly going to-

Wait, wait, wait. Don't glaze over the fact a buffet restaurant has a pool. Well, it's a hotel, Vaughn. Ah, that makes sense. It's at a hotel. Oh, yeah. It would be a weird thing fact a buffet restaurant has a pool. Well, it's a hotel, Vaughan. Ah, that makes sense. It's at a hotel. It would be a weird thing for a buffet restaurant to just be like, do you want a dip before? Because, you know, sometimes they're like,

your table's not quite ready, do you want to wait at the bar? And they're like, your table's not quite ready. Swim? You want to hit the spa? Do you guys want to go for a swim? What are you going to, the thing you need to be careful about is that you, I've been to swim, is that you're going, you're flying there and you'll be in the lounge

at the airport. There'll be snacks. What time do you fly? It's regional lounge. There's snacks everywhere. What time's your flight? Like 12. That's right.

Just eat some then but that's you for the day. Right. And you reckon don't snack from midday on. Okay. Yeah. Right.

From midday. But what if the dinner booking's seven? Imagine this little bag. Do you reckon they've still got a big thing of jelly beans and they'll let me put some in mum's handbag? Mum's purse. My mummy's handbag. She's 70 today and her son is still plying her handbag with jelly beans.

Play ZM's Flesh for One and Hayley. Paul went for a wee and I said, can you get me a glass of water on the way back? And he hasn't brought it. I'm thirsty. I'm so sorry. I'm going to go get it now. No, the listeners are going to have to listen to this now.

Every time I open my mouth. Because I'm dry. Yeah. I'm drying out. This is actually an amazing... Study. Scientific study. She's drying out.

She's drying out. I'm dry. She's drying out. She's dehydrated. My brain's literally packing down. My brain worms are shrinking because I don't have enough water in me. It's like when Spongebob got dehydrated. If you didn't dehydrate, you're just dry.

It's so good. It's so good. It's so freaky. I'm Spongebob right now. Anyway, so this study was looking at how people, where their attention goes when they're looking at dating profiles. And they mocked up a whole bunch of fake dating profiles. And, sorry, George is just putting on

roll-on deodorant. I don't need to see your pits this early in the morning. What are you doing? She's also got her shirt on backwards. You've got your shirt on backwards? It's too high on the throat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, she's a mess. Join her from Nine for Friday Jams. KPI. KPI? Tick. On iHeartRadio.

iHeartRadio, take us anywhere you go. Don't need to be in the car. Tick. Tick. On iHeartRadio. iHeartRadio. Tick us anywhere you go. Don't need to be in the car. Tick. Tick. Now, they recruited a whole bunch of men and women and put together these fake dating profiles. And then they used eye tracking technology to see where their focus went first

and how long it lingered on certain points. Yep. In general. Boobs. Boobs. Yes. Face. Face? Face. I I know it goes more

in general to summarise the entire study here which they've got lots of things that I'll dive into a little bit but men were focusing on physical attractiveness and women were considering both attractiveness and resource potential what is resource potential?

how big their gold mine could be attractiveness and resource potential. What is resource potential? So like what's in your profile? How big their gold mine could be? Yeah, how big's your gold mine? How big are your oil reserves are? Can you make a wheel? That kind of stuff. Will you kill a bear for me? So that's primal, eh?

The old hunter-gatherer. Yeah, primal. This is what it came down to. And this is why the study was done was because the main scientist is interested in evolutionary dating trends. Right. And how we're still affected by those key kind

of evolutionary things. Men were like, hot. And women were like. Provider. Provider. Okay, good. He's got a nice car. He looks like he can fish.

Yeah, looks like he could protect me. Yeah. Looks like he could provide for me. Looks like he can hold a shit together. And the guys are like, hot. Yeah. Hot face. Okay. me. Looks like he could provide for me. Looks like he can hold a shit to get And the guys are like hot. Hot face. Okay so all the profiles varied from

facial attractiveness. Imagine being the model for the ugly profiles. Yeah imagine. Because they're mock profiles. Imagine. Why are you raising your eyebrows at me? Imagine. I couldn't imagine. I'd be on the hot list. Oh of course. Why did you say imagine like I'd be on the hot list. Oh, of course. Why did you say imagine like that?

Imagine being the model for the ugly profile. I think you're reading into it too much, but imagine. Why do you wink at Fletch? I don't know. It's crazy. On my dry eye? And just needs a wink to lubricate the eye. Don't talk to me about being dry.

I asked for a cup of water. Okay, both men and women. I don't think a cup of water would help. It's too many. What is this facial roasting? You've got a very nice face. Yeah, I know. I know.

I don't need to be told by you. Both men and women. Great eyebrows. Set of brows on it. Both men and women spent the majority of their time focusing on the faces. Yep.

83% of the total gaze time. time, and that's with a Z. I was going to say, I know where the gays were looking. Gays weren't involved in this. They weren't invited. The gays were not invited. Nor non-binary, no gender fluidity, just men, women, straight. Old-fashioned, boring, heterosexual. That's how they do science.

Yeah, right. The gays' eyes would have been like, sweatpants. Joggers. Ticamundo. 83% of the total gays time was directed to the face region. Wow. How close within the region are we going? Deeper analysis, women were looking at things like occupation and income,

but men were spending longer on income and women on occupation, looking for things like high stress jobs or high status jobs, high paying jobs. It really like followed the eyes and told you what's important to us, which is, it's actually a really fascinating study.

You could dive deeper into it, but I don't have time. I'm a doctor. I've got patients to see. Well done, doctor. Thank you, doctor. What a wonderful summation, doctor. Thank you for your presentation. Thank'm a doctor. I've got patients to see. Well done, doctor. Thank you, doctor. Thank you, doctor. Wonderful summation, doctor. Thank you for your presentation.

Thank you, doctor. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's time for... Fact of the day. Give it to us. Well, the theme has been streaks. Yeah. Lucky streaks.

Long runs. Today, it's a streak about a streaker. Oh. Okay. Mark Roberts is an English streaker. That's a name. He has streaked 500 he struck he has

close tense of street i love when i get back he has streaked no i don't think he would you would say streaked he has saying struck how many times did he struck? Yeah. Well, back in the day, he started strucking. Thank you. That one's wrong. Thank you.

Use your medical degree. 565 times in 23 different countries. When? What year? He started. since yeah what year he started so apparently he started in 1993 after he saw a female streaker at a 1993

sevens rugby game in Hong Kong the Hong Kong sevens yeah and him and his mates were laughing and he's like I could do that

and his mate was like I bet you can't and then he did and that's when he started the very next day and in 2018 is the last reported streak of this

streaker over the years it's got so hard now. Like, you're literally facing criminal prosecution, right? Oh, yeah. I don't understand how it still happens. You listen to where he's done in some of his streaking. Hamilton Park Racecourse.

Amongst the horses. You'll get killed. Your penis will be trot on. Yeah. A Mr. Universe contest. A Miss World contest. Oh, that's no good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's a lot of big, peesty energy. Yeah. But he did start in the 90s, so it might have been like historic pest. Right, okay. Different times. Still not an excuse. Multiple Olympic games, tennis matches,

the running of the bulls, a synchronized swimming world championship and his specialty is football games. In fact he was mandated to surrender his passport whenever an English football team played abroad after in 2001 he got an international

streaking conviction. So every time England were playing somewhere in Europe that he could get to he had to take his passport into the police and be like, I promise I won't go. I've found him on Instagram. He's streaker king on Instagram. He looks like a nightmare larrikin.

The sort of- I think he lives in Vietnam now. The sort of guy that when you get a partner, she doesn't like him and slowly starts pushing him out of your friend group. Yes, yes. A lad's lad. that when you get a partner, she doesn't like him and slowly starts pushing him out of your friend group. Yes. Yes. A lad's lad.

Yeah. She just starts planting seeds and she doesn't really like that. He does that. And then let's not invite him to this thing. Yeah. And then slowly she just...

Always getting a nipple out. Yeah. One of those guys that didn't grow up either. Hasn't grown up. Has not. He's an old boy now. Yeah.

Do you know what? I'll say it. I wouldn't grown up. Has not. He's an old boy now. Yeah. Do you know what? I'll say it. I wouldn't have got that penis out. You know? Okay. Yeah. It's harder to see it these days as well. Because of tummy or out of control?

A little bit of a puku. Oh, a bit of a puku. Well, today's fact of the day is that Mark Roberts is a streaker with a streak as he's struck over 565 events. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. You may have heard earlier in the show I was skiting. I was showing off. You were. I was bragging about the fact that I found a little cafe hack

where you get a scone and then get eggs on top of the scone and it's cheaper than eggs and toast, but the scone is a superior to toast. Yeah, and then people that work in retail cafes were like, they bowed down to me and said the cafe king has returned. They were like, you are number one annoying customer. Yep. It worked and it was great and I'll be doing it henceforth.

Yeah. From this point on. It did look yum. Yeah, it did. I've been actually thinking about it all morning. Yeah, it was great and I'll be doing it henceforth from this point on. It did look yum. Yeah, it did. I've been actually thinking about it all morning. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. It was good.

People might be thinking, was the scone dry? Sir, ma'am, everybody. No, doused in butter. Doused in butter. Yeah, you've got to drown it. Yeah. Almost dip it in a liquid butter bucket. Yeah, now we're talking.

Yeah, yeah. Now we're talking. So after I had this triumphant victory over the man, I came back to the table where you two were already sat. Now we were inside, it was warm, and I was wearing my swan-dried jacket. And I thought, I've got to take this off. And so I was also hyped up on the fact

that I'd just saved a dollar and got a scone. And I threw my arms back to take the jacket off. Like, very flamboyantly. Like, Liberace flicking off his cape. That's right. So I was like,

right. And as I threw my arm back, it stopped. And I, I punched the woman that was working there, that was dropping off your coffees. Light punch. Light punch.

And I was like, oh my God, I'm mortified. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But you saw it from the other angle. You saw it all happen. punch. And I was like, oh my God, I'm mortified. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But you saw it from the other angle. You saw it all happen. You said I was like an inch away from clocking her in the face.

She pulled back and I just skimmed her. Like a second away from the coffee going flying across the room. Glass cup. Yep. Mocaccino. Embarrassing. Would have gone everywhere. Shameful.

Embarrassing for a grown man. Help grow up. Embarrassing. What grown man. Grow up. Embarrassing. Hot chocolate there, little baby boy. What are you? What do you want? A singlet next?

You want a dummy in your mouth too? Just let you cry and disturb in the cafe? Goo Goo Gaga. Goo Goo Gaga. Your big grown baby boy. Grow the hell up. Oh, is that a doo-doo in your pants? Do you want me to change your nappy? Wipe your butt?

Take you to the kangaroo fold-out koala fold-out table in the toilet? Yeah. Fold that down, change your nappy, you big baby boy. Do I need to bother booking you a flight or do I just sit on my lap? Silly baby boy. Yeah. You're ready to move into your big boy bed.

You're still in the crib. Yeah. Are we co-sleeping? Excuse me, there is nothing wrong with a mochaccino. Yeah. Just before you have that mochaccino, why don't you suck on my breast? Because you're a breastfeeding little baby.

You're a breastfeeding little baby. You're a breastfeeding little baby boy with your embarrassing milk chocolate coffee. Why don't you grow up? Wow. Okay. Why don't you have a hot nest quick? Yeah, got a balance bike there. With no pedals,

but you're running, scooting along on the ground. With little plastic things on the wheels. With a bluey helmet on. Is that what's happening here, you little baby boy? You're going to cry before I get back,

little baby boy? You're the one that nearly punched a woman in the face yesterday, Vought. What time do I have to drop you off at daycare, little baby boy? Because the cost of living

means I have to go back to work and you're not yet old enough for me to get my 33 hours from the government at the local child care centre, you little baby boy. Your father's child support doesn't even begin to cover it.

I have to tell you what, he needs to start paying his way. More for you. Anyway. You little baby. Anyway, baby. If father's child support doesn't even begin to cover it, I'll tell you what, he needs to start paying his way. More for you. Anyway. You little baby. Anyway, baby. Fine, I'll just order a cappuccino next time.

Oh, for God's sake. What are you, a middle-aged woman? What are you, an underage woman in Remuera? What's the matter? Are you sharing a Minions meme

on Facebook? Are you, auntie? Is that what's happening? Driving a sensible car? Fine, I'll have a flat white then. What are you, fat-shaming a woman walking by? What are you doing? Middle-aged Remuera woman? not have a flat white then? What are you, fat shaming a woman walking by?

What are you doing? Middle-aged Remy, we're a woman. Flat white, we get a little bit of cinema on top. Is that the problem here? What is this? You New Zealander. Oh, gosh. Are you out there saying that?

What are you, going to wrap a pashmina around your neck? Are you cold? Are you getting a pashmina from India? I think we'll just have a water next time. What are you, a thirsty human? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Okay, Sunday, don't forget daylight savings. Yes, although it's not like something you ever need to remember now

because everything apart from the microwave and the car, which is still on the last daylight savings time, and that'll come right this time. Yeah, that'll actually reset this time. But everything now is all done, right? Yeah. My car's got two separate clocks. So does mine. How inconsiderate.

The airplay on the screen and then the clock on the actual car. Wow, must be nicer than two clocks. I've got the clock. It is nice. Mine's, there's a clock in the dashboard where I'm driving by the hair that tells me the time, but then my stereo's got a different time and two different things to adjust. Isn't that

inconsiderate? That's really rude of the Suzuki company. The Suzuki Jimny. Yeah. Very rude. Well, I know but let's get excited because we are losing

an hour's sleep on Sunday but the price is longer nights. We get that extra hour of sort, well, that's gone. What's happening here? Yeah, I know.

I'll just drop it all together. Did your accent just go through a day like this? Yeah, it did. We lose an hour's sleep, but we gain an hour of sunlight at the end of the day.

And like, that is just happy barbecue, fun, longer days. Yeah, it makes me excited. It's been so light in the mornings over the last few weeks. Well, our friend came over the other day and I said, how you going, Andrew? And he was like, good, mate.

Got the glow sticks out. And it was his first time in shorts for the season. And boy, oh boy, he's right. Glow sticks. White legs. Gotcha. Yeah, I've got some really pearly white toes. Yeah.

More pasty. Yeah. The feet, for me, I always, in winter, I don't really do anything with the feet. I don't get a pedicure. I don't like paint my toenails or anything They just hibernate I like trim them

The dogs in the den The dogs are in the den Yep Getting nice and fat Inch long hair legs Yeah The toes are just beastly Yep

And the other day Every now and then If I'm going inside outside I'll slip on me birks Yep But the other day I wore them out In real human world. Yeah.

The dogs are no good. Oh, really? And I was like, I bet I'm not the only woman or anyone really who is now addressing the fact that from here on out, it's going to get warmer and we've got to address the dogs. Yeah, there's been a period of foot neglect.

Yes, there has. And do you know what's always terrifying is the first pedicure back. First spring pedicure. You go to the place and you're like, so sorry. Professionally,

we're going to have to chance you double for this. Yeah, for these. Yeah. Do you know, you're celebrating how many back-to-back summers thrushless? Three. If you're including

your own summer. This is my first winter. Not a sign of athlete's foot. Because you know, I wear a heavy sock. How often do you get athlete's foot? Every winter because I wear a heavy boot and a thick sock. Are you wearing a merino sock?

No, I've just gone for a lighter sock. You wear a synthetic sock and that is asking for thrush of the toes. No, no, no, I've gone for a lighter sock. This winter I haven't had a sign of it and it's because I've got a heavier boot and a lighter sock. Yeah, but it sounds to me like, yeah, you're not training your feet well. Yeah. Are you getting foot thrush? Are you raw-dogging in the gym? Showers? Yeah. Yeah, but it sounds to me like, yeah, you're not training your feet well. Yeah.

Are you raw dogging in the gym showers? Yeah. Yeah, that's where you're going wrong. No, because I'm still doing that. I chandle. I wear the chandles. I haven't got...

I was trying to celebrate. Oh, sorry. You were. And we just shed all over you. I'm so sorry. I was trying to celebrate an athlete's footless winter. That's one for you.

Which, by the way, is thrush of the feet. Is it thrush of the feet? It's foot thrush. That's one for you. Which, by the way, is thrush of the feet. Is it thrush of the feet? It's foot thrush. It's foot thrush. Yeah, but because men get it. Thrush is a bacteria. Because men get it more.

No, it's a yeast. They renamed it. They renamed it to athlete's foot to make you feel like an athlete. Yeah. Well, we should say we're going to put up. It's an athlete's vagina. No, that's not how it works. Athletes, I don't have thrush.

I have athlete's vagina. Oh, you're saying that's what we should call vaginal thrush.. Athletes. I don't have thrush. I have athlete's vagina. Oh, you're saying that's what we should call vaginal thrush. That's what we should call vaginal thrush. Yeah. Athlete's vag. Athlete's vag. Perfect. And that will stop the confusion.

I think whilst not directly, you know, measurable, I think that's another KPI for the show. Yep, tick it. That's a great KPI. Tick it. Another KPI for the show. Do you want me. That's a great KPI. Tick it. Another KPI for the show. Do you want me to retell today's KPIs? Yep.

Sure. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Lucky 11. Legs 11. That is fantastic. We've got to talk about this because of the legs. That is a circular. We'll be getting a jet ski in no time.

See you, see you later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Sue DeCato is a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars

if she does the same for this podcast, and then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.