ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 28th April 2023

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

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The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleece Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Thanks to McCafe. Great things are brewing, one cup at a time. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fleece Fawn and Hayley. Happy Friday. My arms. My arms, I got double jabbed yesterday.

Oh. Jab. Double jab, you get a jab in each arm. Yeah, I got a flu-y and a co-v. You know you can just walk in, guys. Yeah, I got my COVID-y and a COVID. You know, you can just walk in, guys. Yeah, I got my COVID last Friday, my booster.

I got COVID two weeks ago, so. No, you can't. You can't for like six months. But I want it now. But we're getting the flu shot at work.

I know, I was going to. But no, it's probably good you got it because they're saying that it's kind of flu season's kicked off earlier. Yeah.

So don't mess around with that. Yeah. Even this morning I've mess around with that. Yeah. Even this morning, I've got a bit of... Yeah, but that's a cold. I say this at the start of every flu season. The flu and a bad cold are two wildly different things. Oh, my God, it's so different.

I reckon I've had the flu like twice. If I really thought about it, I think I've had influenza twice. I reckon once. Yeah. I've had a proper flu once. Everything else has been a cold or a man flu. I have had influenza. Twice. I reckon once. Yeah. I've had a proper flu once. Everything else has been a cold or a man flu. Yeah, or COVID. Or man flu.

COVID more than I've had the actual flu. Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, double jabbed. Bit sore. Bit sore. Just tender, yeah. Tender.

My one was sore for like a day. Yeah. Feels like I've just been at the gym getting gains, bruh. But I definitely haven't. I'm just taking a like a day. Yeah. Feels like I've just been at the gym getting gains, bruh. But I definitely haven't. You definitely haven't. I'm just taking a conscious month off. Right. A conscious.

I went once last week. Okay. That's enough. And that sustained me for the fortnight. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Life's moving on.

Steaming forward. Coming up on the show, Sam Smith tickets today with our game Sam or Smith. If you're a Sam, Samuel, Samantha, Sam Y, whatever, or a Smith. What about a Sam Wise? A Sam Wise. A Sam Wise, absolutely. Your chance to win these tickets this morning. When are we going to do that?

Around 8.30. 8.30. 8.30 if you want to win Sam Smith tickets. The top six is coming up. Yeah, undecided. Undecided top six. You're an undecided voter. We threw a lot your way. I'm six is coming up. Yeah, undecided. Undecided top six. You're an undecided voter. We threw a lot your way. I'm a swing

sixer. I'm just ready to be loved. Right. Held. One of those Fridays, isn't it? Smooched adoringly. Would you like a small cuddle? It's more for me than it is for you. See, I was going to say from behind,

because then I don't have to do anything. I just stand and enjoy the cuddle. You want to be wrapped. Yeah, I want to be wrapped up. Eh, no. I want to be wrapped up. It doesn't work that much for me. Next on the show.

There is a wave of crime sweeping the nation. Right. And the way that these criminals are choosing you is very silly. This isn't a thing. It is very silly. This isn't a thing. It is a thing. This is not a thing. It is a thing. You have no means on which to say that.

This is a thing. These are the criminals. This is what you've got to look out for to know if you're about to be the victim of a crime. It simply can't be. It's half past six. It feels like we've been here for hours. Oh, babe. No, this is the three-day week.

This is the week that's flying by. No, no, no, no, no, no. Three-day week, you get excited about it, and the lead-up to it, you're like, this is going to fly. The minute it doesn't, it feels like the longest week in history. No, no.

Right. It's been okay, but today, when I woke up, I was like, my eyes were like. Oh, my God. What do they call them? Two piss holes in the snow. But they were just dry. They're so classy. And I was like.

My mum's favourite saying. Whenever I'm hungover, she's like, good Lord, your eyes look like two piss holes in the snow. Now, it's Friday, end of the week. I always like an end of the week sort of sort through the house, go through things, you know, change the sheets, empty the mailbox. Do you change the sheets on a Friday? It's Friday or Sunday.

Oh, yeah, on a Sunday. Yeah, it makes more sense on a Sunday. Also because sometimes you get a bit boozy on the weekend. You come in and make your sheets all bloody full of wine and sweat. No, no. Nope. You know? And a road gherkin.

Yeah, road gherkin. That slipped out of your cheesy bee. Like, bleh. Yeah. I always have to have a fresh sheet on a hangover. Yes, yes. Always a fresh sheet on a hangover. Always.

So good. So good. Get back in, you're like, that day didn't happen. But I was just saying before to you guys, I never empty my mailbox. It's terrible because it's only ever trash or the mail of the previous owner. Sort it out. But anyway. Yeah. I'm going to start looking through it. I know

it's illegal. I'll start. I'll read your IID statements. I'll do it. It's only illegal if you get caught. Only legal if someone's watching. So you just burn it immediately in your new fireplace. In my new fireplace. There you go. But there is a woman who is putting out a word of warning for people after she found a sloppy serving of baked beans in her mailbox.

What? Okay. Just like cold Waddy's baked beans poured in her mailbox. And she was like, huh, what a terrible prank this is. It wasn't a prank. It was a warning. Right. I don't think this is from Big Spaghetti.

No, no, no, no. It wasn't Big Spaghetti saying, pay us a million dollars or we'll break your knees. You're gonna get more than you're gonna get it. No, apparently it's burglars marking the house. Because if you put baked beans into someone's letterbox and they don't clean it up immediately, they ain't home. You're going to get burgled.

But, like, what if they're like you or me? I'm not checking my mailbox every day. I might check it once a week. That's the thing. Yeah, I check mine, like, once a week. It's terrible. We only get mail deliveries, what, like three times a week now? Or twice?

I think so, yeah. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. And even then, like, all my bills are emails. Yeah, same. When I get one in the mail, I'm like, what's up with you? What could you possibly be?

You're like, oh, this is a speeding ticket. That's a speeding ticket. Or, you know, like, it's time for your warrant of fitness or your WA Joe. But no, they say if the beans haven't disappeared, it's a good indication that you're about to be robbed. Now this theory hasn't been proven. No one with the baked beans in the letterbox has been robbed.

This just sounds like a school holiday prank that's happened. There's chalk on the footpath outside our house. They're going to steal our dog. No one wants your dumb dog. The dogs never get stolen and it's probably just the council being like, here and here and over here. Got to drill here.

Yeah. No. You're about to be robbed and your dog's going to be stolen. That's what the baked beans mean. Or the clean up. So if you've got baked beans in your letterbox, you've got to what? Call the police? Clean them? No, you've got to clean the beans out. Clean them. You've got to clean the beans out. Clean the beans out to let the burglars know because they'll be coming back.

I'm home. I'm alert and I'm aware of what you're up to and I won't have a bar of it. And I've set up a myriad of booby traps. If you were to break into this house, boy oh boy, you're going to pay for it. That's what it will indicate. We've left an eight-year-old called Kevin in charge. And boy, he is not afraid to murder fully grown men with some of his traps. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Be real. Yep. Took the world by storm. You still doing it? Yeah, I'm doing it. Are you? It never really took off. It popped off for like a week.

It was just like an interesting, hey, we're different. You're like, oh, okay. I deleted it. Like a couple of weeks ago, I just stopped're different. You're like, oh, okay. I deleted it. Like a couple of weeks ago, I just stopped using it. You just couldn't be bothered. Producers still daily? Absolutely, yeah.

Are you be-reeling? Yeah. But when you be real, here's the question, do you be real and then look at other people's be-reels or you just be real? I look at other people's.

I never looked. I was just like, it's all about me and then I'd leave. I almost only take my be-real to look at other people's. Oh, okay. That's the thing with Be Real.

You've got to take one to be able to access. To be able to see everybody else's feed. Takes one to know one. And because we go to bed so early quite often, it'll go off at like a 9pm, so I don't do it until the morning. So it's quite fun. We'll do it quite often here in the producer's booth.

Right. And then we get to see what everyone else is up to. Are you guys having fun out there? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Are we having fun in here as well? Just so you know. Jared has a trademarked technique. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Are we having fun in here as well? Just so you know. Jared has a trademarked technique.

Yeah, the Jared method. Oh, the throw in the air? Oh, yeah. I'll take a selfie and then quickly hiff the phone into the air and hope for a good aerial shot. A good photo, yeah, right.

Had a good one yesterday. You know you can just buy a drone, eh? Oh, can I? Can I flash? You know, you use just like all that money in your account. You just like take it and buy drives and stuff. Well, there's concern about B-Real's privacy terms and conditions.

Right. So security experts have looked at this. And did you know that when B-Real first came out, they owned, it's not part of the terms and conditions now, but they owned your photos for 30 years. Look, if they want to have a photo of me watching The Real Housewives at 4pm on a Thursday morning, like, that's fine, you know? I thought the secret to Be Real was going to be nobody is actually being real on it.

Yeah, the ultimate be fake out here. Yeah, be real, yeah. Also, Be Real, along with having the rights to your photos for 30 years, which has now been changed, they've got the rights to use, if you've got your privacy settings on public and you don't lock it down, your photos could be used, they've got the rights to use them in adverts and billboards.

Nah, you hate that. You could be on the app store. No, I don't want that. Oh yeah, like when they're advertising the app on the app store. I would be on it. You'd be on it? Would you? What would your agent think? Selling things for free.

Probably should be livid. Should be livid. Should be livid. But, you know, they picked, of all the cuties, they picked this one. Oh, it is a compliment, I guess. It's a compliment. But apparently as well, the geolocation and the discovery section could potentially be used for stalking and timer-based photo shoots could accidentally reveal private information.

Yeah, well, remember we saw a nipple. We saw a nipple on Be Real. Are you allowed? What's the deal on nudity on Be Real? I don't think so. Because I think people are too quick with it, right? So they're like, quickly, oh my God, Be Real, Be Real. Yes, that's right.

Fall back and then you're like, I didn't see. There was a titty hanging out. There was a titty hanging out and we saw it. Yeah, well, lock it down. The moment Vaughan said it, we were all taking pictures so we could have a look. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley.

Silly little boy. Silly little boy. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's silly little pole.

At a wedding, would you rather be a bridesmaid or groomsman? Some of the bridal parties. Yeah. Or just be a wedding guest? Be a wedding guest. I don't want to be doing any speaking. I don't want to be doing anything. 83% of people would rather be a guest.

I know. But that says to me, like if I was to look at those numbers, there's 17% of people that could possibly invite me to the wedding that I'd be willing to give my day up for. And it's not a give up. And then if they're your good friends, you're not giving up a day. No, it's an honour. Yeah, I was a groomsman in February.

Jeez, man, time's flying this year. Yeah. It was awesome. What an awesome day with awesome people. It is a cool thing to be part of. Yeah, but they've got to be close friends. One of those weird situations where you just hear someone's been invited to be in the bridal party and they're like,

I don't know how I got invited to be in the bridal party. They went to me. I was an add-on to the bridal party I got to be in the bridal party. They went to me. I was a plus. I was an add-on. Well, how a late addition to the bridal party. See, I understand a late wedding guest. Because if you paid for it and then last month someone was like, I can't make it. And you've already paid for the thing.

It's like, come on. But you can't second tier a bridal party. You can't have a late invite. But maybe you need to because it balances things up. Well, it unbalanced at that wedding. It was unbalanced. There was more groomsmen than there was bridesmaids. Yeah, I sort things up. We were unbalanced at that wedding. It was unbalanced. There was more groomsmen than there was bridesmaids. Yeah, I sort of don't mind it unbalanced.

It's like whoever are your people. It's not a number you have to adhere to. Mine was because one of the bridesmaids, it was a good friend of mine, but one of her bridesmaids had broken her leg and she didn't want to be up there with a broken leg and stuff. How did you feel being a ring-in? I mean, it was fun.

You know, it was good. But I love going to a wedding and not working. Because as entertainers, we've talked about this before, people are always like, you can emcee. You can give a speech. Emcee's the worst job at a wedding. Hell yeah, it's the best. Because you're an organiser.

It's not my strength. No, it's definitely not. At all. And you're talking to the kitchen about what time entrees are coming out. Yeah, and some bitch called Sue who manages the place and you're like, chill out, Sue. Oh, I know. Why am I dealing with this? It's a lot of work.

Yeah, you can't get drunk either. Well, you can, but you really shouldn't because you've got to stay on top of a lot of things. Yeah, I know, but you don't, right? You hold off, you do your duties, and then you smash smash it to try to catch up, and then you go too far because you don't see the line coming. Too far. It's not, yeah, the people are walking all of a sudden, you're sprinting, and you sprint straight past them. Yeah. Right.

Alicia says, Guess has all the fun and no responsibility. Yeah. No buying a specific dress, no playing in the hen's den, no waking up early to get your makeup done, just free food and drink and maybe a professional pickey with your partner. What a day. Oh yeah, lovely.

Gorge. I tried on a suit yesterday for this wedding we've got next week and I fit. Oh, good boy. Fantastic. I don't need to buy

a new suit. You've been a good boy. I've been a good boy. I've been a good boy. You've been a good boy. It's been hard to sway. Although we've got a yummy yummy coming up soon

that we'll see the absolute end of you being a good boy. Yeah, the ass is going to... It'll destroy you. I hope these aren't out this week because that suit may indeed be stretched at the seams. Oh my God, one of my favourite lollies. I know. Candies.

Confectionaries. Rach says 100% be part of the wedding party. Don't have to worry about what to wear, that's decided for you. Who or how my hair is going to be done and what I'm going to do for makeup. Usually get served food first. Your accommodation is even sorted for you. Who or how my hair is going to be done and what I'm going to do for makeup. Usually get served food first. Your accommodation is even sorted for you half the time. Oh, yeah. This is true. Megan says,

I've been a bridesmaid eight times. It's an honour and I love it, but a guest has all the fun and no jobs and more time for mimosas. Yeah, mimosas. What's a guest doing having a mimosas? It's past the livin'. It's past the livin'. That's a no orange juice. It's past 11. It's past 11. That's a no orange juice zone.

Yeah. If I got handed a mimosa as I walked into a wedding reception, I'd be like, what the fuck? What is it? 10 a.m.? What is this? Is this a fresh up bubbles? Yeah. What is going on here?

James said, rather be the center of attention. So I assume he voted for wedding party yeah same classic James Brad Olsen bad news Brad he's going to pop in early next week Monday

we're talking tax yeah fair tax systems the celebrant he said he'd rather be the celebrant oh yeah he is the celebrant he's in and out he'd be a great celebrant

for your wedding he would be and he's in and out do you think he wants to come to you do you think he'd like judge how much you've spent on all your wedding? Oh, my God, yeah. Like a $40,000 wedding.

He's like, hmm. Yeah, you're waiting for the bride to come over and he leans into the groom and he's like, do you have any idea how much this has cost you? This is a house deposit. For one day, mate? Really? If you'd invested this wisely, I'm just saying a happier retirement. Oh, no.

Maria says, I've been a bridesmaid three times and it's always fun but you have to get your photo taken heaps and be sensible and I just want to have drinks and be fun. You don't have to be sensible. Oh okay, Laura says, wedding party because I love giving wedding speeches, I kill it. Oh okay.

Yeah, beautiful. It's so hard talking in front of everybody. Especially when there's expectation. There's the guy who does it every day. No, but this is in a room in front of you three. It's fine. I remember getting introduced by an MC. You three.

Recount. The producers. Including them, there's five. I just referred to myself as the third person. Can you see dead people? Oh my God, who is it? Who's here? Is she next to me?

Is it Kevin Black? Is it legendary New Zealand broadcaster Kevin Black? It is. This seat's Kevin Black. That seat's Paul Holmes. We are haunted with legendary broadcasters. Oh, no. And Holmesy is 80s Holmesy.

Oh, yeah. He's loose Holmesy. He's loose Holmesy. He's party Holmesy. Party Holmesy. Yeah. Pick yourself up, Paul. Don't, Paul.

You're in the afterlife now, my friend. Enjoy it. Catherine says, love being a bridesmaid. So much fun on the day and bridesmaids have party asshole prerogatives. Could anyone explain that to me? Bridesmaids have party asshole prerogatives. They've just got a party and with no care for what else is happening. And it's their prerogative.

I guess so. You need to reply to Catherine for it. Yeah, I don't speak Hamilton. I think she'd had a couple of savvy on my back. Send help. I'm best man for my mate's wedding and the bride is a bridezilla.

I won't say that person's name. No, but yeah, good luck with that. Yeah, dude. That's run a mile. That's rough. Yeah. Is today still a little poll? Yummy, yummy, yummy in my tummy. It's so rich and good.

Yummy, yummy, a segment of the show where we take a look at new food items, new food trends, and this is a new food product, a chocolate confectionary hitting the shelves. In fact, it's already in some shelves in New Zealand. March 22nd 2017. Tom, at Maltesers UK. Can you make white Maltesers again, please? Maltesers UK. Hi, Tom. We don't have

any plans to bring them back, but we're sorry you missed them. Tom! I miss them so much. None knocking around in a warehouse somewhere? Maltesers UK. We discontinued them a few years ago, so sadly not, Tom. Oh, he's upset Because when did we Go to the UK

That's the last time I saw them And I got a whole lot Of bags 2010 2010 And they were in New Zealand as well

You could buy White Maltesers And they were the best Were they They were so young Were they We didn't sell enough To enable us

To keep producing them I'm sure that your comments Are fed back to our Marketing team Because then Nicky Got involved And she said, be ashamed of yourself. She got very angry.

Because I stockpiled a few when I heard that they were running out. And then when I finished them, and I even had some bags brought back from the UK, it was really sad. It was a big day for you. Currently at change.org, the Bring Back White Maltesers petition has 1,400 of 1,500. Well,

yesterday, I opened up Instagram, and there was a message from Nikita. And it was just a photo. And I clicked on it. And the closest we'll ever get to white Maltesers coming back, it's here. Malteser gold. You might actually like this

more. Caramel milk. Caramel Malteser. And Malteser Gold. You might actually like this more. Caramel milk. Yes. Caramel Malteser. And Malteser's a Nestle, right? So it'll use the gold, the Nestle Gold. Yes. Which is actually, I think, better than caramel. What?

Yeah. So, and I said to Nicator, I was like, where did you see this? Good Lord. Good Lord. Good Lord. And she said New World. It was New World Thorndon. And they had like the

big pink thing up and it said new, new, new, new, new. And I was like That's a good super. Yeah. So I wonder if they're doing that thing where they put it in a few supermarkets, get a bit of buzz. You can't find that line yet. This was announced in January. B-T-W.

In Australia or here? Worldwide. Oh, my God. How have I only just found out about this now? Yeah. Well, because they haven't been on shelves or you would have seen them. Yeah. So, Mars Wrigley launches Maltesers Gold in Retail World magazine.

Mars Wrigley is expanding its Maltesers range with a range of Maltesers Gold featuring a white and caramel chocolate twist. Yeah, because online on New World? Not there. Not there. Yes, I think they're just kind of starting to drip feed them in to the supply chain. So it is here. 21st of December last year, Maltesers Gold was the real deal. Yeah.

That was in taste.com.au. Well, it's here. They're in stores. They're in some stores right now. So, I mean, heck. I mean, I'm good. It seems Australia. Yeah, so when I got

sent this yesterday, I might have stopped at two supermarkets and there was nothing. Oh. Yeah, no, you can't buy them online yet. I'm not a big Malteser person.

I love Maltesers. I know. No, they're so good. And they're practically like a health food because they're so light. Yeah, they're my favourite movie snack

because you can suck on the outside and then bite through so light. Yeah, they're my favourite movie snack because you can suck on the outside and then the inside. Yeah, eat them until your teeth go tingly. My favourite movie snack is a couple of cheesy bees snuck in my handbag. Oh, you're so trash. Yeah, hot meals in a movie snack. And then a butter chicken.

And then a chop top. More curry. Yeah, beautiful. More curry. Don't sit on that chalk top for long. I mean, don't sit on it literally at all, but don't wait too long on the chalk top. If it sees, you know, the end of the trailers,

it's starting to get very soft. And then you're like, knock your handbag, pull out a big tin foil, and it's a smoked fish. Oh, I love a bit of smoked fish at the movies. A smoked kaha wabi. Yes.

I like to smoke my fish in the movies. Oh, is that why you bring your fish? You bring a smoker, yeah. Yeah, take a little kerosene light going there, some wet wood chips. I bring in my, what's the Weber, little mini Weber. You bring a whole new Weber. Well, they tried to stop me taking in my multi-guy cooker. I thought that was a bit racist about it.

Yeah, actually, what? I can't have a hung in a movie? Yeah. Are you kidding me? But I'm all right with your, you know, European snacks. Oh, yeah. Colonizer. Yeah. Are you kidding me? But I'm all right with your, you know, European snacks. Oh, yeah. Colonizer. Yeah.

Well, keep an eye out. They're starting in stores. They're trickling out. Sneaking in. Look at his big stupid face. As soon as I see a packet, I'm eating the entire thing. You can get them in a bucket. I don't want to ruin anything for you.

You mean you can get them in a bucket? Well, you know those Maltesers buckets that you get sometimes. Where's the Maltesers buckets? Australia, you can get them in buckets. Oh know those Maltesers buckets? Where's the buckets? Australia, you can get them in buckets. Get out of here. 450 grams. That's a lot of Maltesers because they are very light. That's good.

I can stack those up and hoard them. Don't stack. No. They have great little buckets too. Very handy sized bucket. Yeah, they are. Always need another bucket. I put my crowns on when I finish them. Yeah, good bucket.

I feel it. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello. What's happened in Aotearoa, New Zealand?

I listened to a podcast about someone who danced, well, multiple people who have danced around the United States pretending to be doctors with zero qualifications. You can't do that. Why? Well, what do they get out of it? Do they want to be doctors with zero qualifications. You can't do that. Why? It's insane. Well, what do they get out of it? Do they want to be a doctor, but they didn't manage to? Correct.

It's a mental disorder. It's delusions of grandeur. Yeah, right. They talked about it, and it was quite an interesting podcast. What was that podcast called? Swindled. Swindled. It was one of the episodes of Swindled.

What was that TV show with Alec Baldwin? City Rock. No, he pretended to be a back surgeon. He was terrible. Oh, that short. That was based on a true story. Yeah, that was based on a true story. Similar thing, just had no idea what he was doing.

Yeah. And just ended up paralyzing all these people. Oh, sorry. Christian Slater. That was who it was. And just ended up paralysing all these people. Oh, sorry. Christian Slater. That was who it was. That's right. Christian Slater. Yes.

A couple of years ago. Really good. Really good show. Yeah. So he used his own name, this fellow, despite being investigated for pretending to be a University of Auckland medical student 10 years earlier. I mean, he's got a whole lot of problems but he'll have

three and a half years in jail to try to work those problems out. Oh dear. You cannot pretend to be a doctor in the respiratory chain in the height of the COVID pandemic.

No. If you want to pretend to be a doctor just book a new New Zealand flight and where it says Mr. Miss Miss just put doctor. Yeah on my flybys card,

I'm Dr Hayley Sproul. That's enough for me. That's enough. That's enough for me. Or be a holistic doctor that specialises in Reiki massage. That's faking. Yeah, totally.

You literally don't even have to touch anyone. You don't even have to do it. If you can make noises, that can mean anything too. But then where does it stop? Like, how do we know that it's on your flybys card? You're not going to want some more,

some actual doctoring. Yeah, I do. That's something you could get addicted to it. Yeah, I'm working through wanting more. Yeah. Well, I've got the top six jobs that's easier to fake till you make than a doctor. Yeah. Number six on the list, a politician.

Yeah. Sometimes I think most of them are just flying by the seat of their pants. Hell yeah. Yeah. What do you reckon? I don't know. Should we just do like, yeah. Dog, what's all the racists? What do you reckon? I don't know. Should we just do like, dog what's all the racists?

What did he say? I'll just do the opposite. Oh, I will say the contrary. Our number five on the list of the top six jobs that's easier to fake it till you make it than a doctor, a radio announcer. Look.

Vaughn, don't say that. It's very hard. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. And I have no plan. I'm not even thinking about what I'm saying. Words just pouring out.

The next words coming out of my mouth are coming out of my mouth as I'm thinking of them. As I'm thinking of them now. Water bottles and stuff. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We can do that. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Number four on the list of the top six jobs that's easier to fake till you make than a doctor. Anything in the area of sales. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're a salesperson. Hey, you were just faking it till you make it, baby. That's sales. True, I guess. Next door to them. Number three on the list of the top six jobs that's easier to it until you make it, baby. That's sales. True, I guess. Next door to them, number three on the list of the top six jobs that's

easy to fake till you make than a doctor. Management. You've seen these guys in management? They do the least. They do nothing. They get everybody else to do the things and then tell other people above them in a higher level of management that they did it. The people in the higher level of management are like, great work, because they don't know what they're doing

either. They don't. It's just a progressive pyramid of people not knowing what they're doing. Right to the CEO. Who's at the top just being like, I don't know, what do you reckon? And it goes down the list. I think there's more to it than that, Paul. And then the people who work actually have the answer, and then they shoot it back up, and it gets under the top person, and they're like, thought so.

I think there's more to it than that. I don't know. Okay. Number two on the list of the top six jobs that's easier to fake till you make than a doctor, real estate. Oh, my God. Have you seen who's in real estate? Maybe real estate agents during the housing boom.

Oh, my God. Every Tom, Dick and Harry you went to school with that was like, I'm going to be a real estate agent. All you've got to do is unlock the door and someone will pay so much money for this house. Sometimes you don't even unlock the door. It's a bit harder now. Slightly harder now.

Yeah. Now the cream's rising to the top. Yeah. Is that a sign? Feels like it is. Feels like real estate. Do you mean the cream are the good real estate agents? Yes.

Yes. The cream's the good part. Right. And the way, all the way is the brand. So at the bottom, the rubbish real estate agents. Yeah, okay. The milky nothingness. Okay.

I feel bad now that I've called some of them milky nothingness. They know. What a horrible way to be described. They know what they are. They know. And number one on the list of the top six jobs that's easier to fake it until you make it than a doctor, a church leader. What does it take?

If I was going to lead a congregation, I don't know What does it take? If I was like, if I was going to lead a congregation, I don't know why I'd be earning money for the Catholics. I'd go and start my own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Would you give yourself a title? Hells yes. Like a bishop? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. A grand, grand

pope. Grand Vaughan Pope. Grand Pope Junior. Pope, Pope. Grand, no, Pope's already kind of very synonymous. Grand Pughan Pope. Grand Pope Junior. Pope. Pope. No, Pope's already kind of very synonymous. Grand Pumba. Puba. Yeah. Pumba.

Yeah. Don't be like Grand Wizard or Grand Dragon because the Ku Klux Klan kind of ruined that. Although they would be cool. They've ruined a lot of things, to be fair. They've ruined a lot. They really have. That is today's Top 6. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

There is a woman on TikTok, quite a few followers. She has shook herself and shook the world because she's realising that we're older than we actually are. What do you mean? We're older than we think we are. So she's worked out like when you turn 29, you're not like I'm now

29. You've done 29. And this only occurred to her now so when you turn 30 you're like now now I'm 30. it's like yeah but you've I'm in my 30th you're in your 31st year oh yeah so you're actually one year old for a whole lot of times. You're kind of one year older. Why don't we start at one? Some places do. Korea. Korea start at one. They start at like two or something. Don't they jump ahead a couple of years?

No, that's a bit silly. They start at one, but everybody changes on the same day. Yeah, that's right. Really? So it's like the nation has a birthday. Yeah, it's weird. Korean age and aging system.

Korea is different from international or western age because of two reasons. First, you're automatically one year old at birth. Second, you age another year because of the turn of the calendar year. Your date of birth doesn't affect your Korean age. So at the start of January, everybody's like, well, now I'm 31. What? Where you might be

turning 30 until February. That's wild. I know. I only just been reading about this recently and was like, huh, that doesn't make any sense to do that. Good for you. But yeah, she was like, oh my god, I'm turning 29 next month, which means I'm going to be into my last year of my 20s. And it was like, well, no, you're kind of into your

first year of your 30s. You've already done your last year of your 20s. Because you've got to think of the birthday as a congratulations. You've done 29. So it's your 20s. Because like, you've got to think of the birthday as a congratulations. You've done 29. Yeah. You know, so it's your birthday soon.

South Korea are getting rid of it in June. Are they? Oh, are they? They announced last year they'll be scrapping it because it's unpopular because everybody wants to

have their own birthday and be a bit younger. Maybe that's why I've been reading about it so much because they're getting rid of it. Wow. Yeah, I know. So I'm 33, but I'm...

In your 34th year. Yeah, I'm actually living my 34th year. Yeah. And on my 34th birthday, I'll be like, 34, done. Yep. So you are kind of in that way, a bit older than you think you are. Which is so awesome. It's so awesome.

Every year counts, you know? Yeah, yeah. Next on the show, final rankings. We do this every Friday. And today we're going to rank chocolate milk. Oh, no, flavoured milks. Flavoured milks. Are we going brands?

Or are we just going to go with the flavours? Chuck in the Nippies Choco. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's the final ranking. Milk. Yuck. Not a fan. If one of you bastardos says lime, I'll walk.

No, I'm not a lime guy. Today we're going to rank flavoured milks. I'm not a huge flavoured milk kind of guy. Not at all. For me, I was a sucker for a Nippy's. Especially like in my early 20s. Anytime I'd see a Nippy's, I'd be like, gotta get a Nippy's. I don't see this week. Nippy's has got into

bottled water? Yes, don't you like Nippy's? Spring water. Get out Nippy's. Nippy's. And then remember Lewis Carode Creamery came on? Yeah. I don't want to be crazy. Mr. Fitzbo, but there's a lot of sugar in Nippies And then remember Lewis Carode Creamery Came on The scene Everyone went crazy Mr Fitzbo But there's a lot of

Sugar in flavoured milk Oh no Shut up Sosapato Shut up What have we got here Nippies do Ice chocolate

Ice coffee Ice honeycomb And ice strawberry And ice banana Their banana's the best one I can't see that On their website The Nippies banana

Is like number one And not many dairies Stock it So when I see A Nippies banana Because banana's the best one. Oh, I can't see that on their website. The Nippy's banana is like number one, and not many dairies stock it. So when I see a Nippy's banana, because banana's my number one, spoiler alert. Where's Nippy's come from? Australia. Is it Australian drink? Is it? Yeah, it looks like it. I thought it was like Japanese or something.

Oh, I do. I may indeed stand corrected. No, I do not stand corrected. It's Australian. Farm-grown, family-made. Is it? They're banana milk. I thought it was imported from Asia.

They do juice too. I'm going to get a banana milk today. Because, you know, like most... Sorry, like a primo banana milk is so that false banana flavour. Whereas Nippy's have got a real subtle, almost like a banana and milk smoothie. You know what I mean? Like kind of more au naturel.

Do you remember when it started out as an orange juice company? Oh right. Do you remember the Nipsoms? That was their name. Oh that's why

it's called Nippy's. Have they cancelled Nippy's banana milk? Yeah I can't see it. It's not available. It's not on their website. It's just so hard to milk a banana.

Yeah. Where are the teeters? The teet is right at the tip. You literally look like a nipple on the edge. Oh no that's not a teet. That's like trying to milk a bull. Yeah. Where are the teaties? The teat is right at the tip. You literally look like a nipple on the head. No, the teat's at the bottom. That's not a teat. That's like trying to milk a bull.

Yeah, but they've got two teats, like a lot of us. Top and bottom. It's very hard to milk a banana. Oh, my God. If they've cancelled banana nippies. I'm in a heap. Do you guys remember when Primo did the crunchy collab? That was yum.

Yeah. That was real yum. And the Rocky Road, the Primo Rocky Road. How old were you when Primo did their collab with Crunchy? It wasn't that long ago. Grow up,

is what I'm saying. Wow. You're not a child. You don't drink flavoured milk, especially novelty chocolate flavoured milk. Guys, I accidentally, oh my God,

because I'm on my personal laptop, so it's not filtered. Yeah. I said, have they cancelled banana nippies and it auto-corrected to nipples. I've got... Look at all this.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's... What is that, like long nipples or something? Nice banana boobs. But then also because you're using your personal laptop there... Are you hot-spotting off my phone? Get off, get off, get off! Yes, she is.

So technically that's Vaughn that's browsing the porn. No, no. Thank God. I'm sorry. I was panicking. On the Australian website, it's there. Banana Nippies. That's banana flavoured milk.

Okay, good, good, good, good. I'll start. I'm going banana number one, chocolate number two, coffee number three. Coffee milk. I'd go chocolate and then coffee. Grow up. Same. Grow up. I'm like, I love a mocha. No, you know me then coffee. Grow up. Same. Grow up.

I'm like a lover, Marko. No, you know me with a coffee. Banana. If I have to. Yes, banana. I don't like chocolate. What about Jeffa? What about Jeffa?

Grow up. Strawberry. What have you all forgotten? Strawberry. Yuck. Yuck. Strawberry flavoured milk. Yuck.

Yuck. Grow up. Chocolate, banana, strawberry. Those are my top three. If I had to, and again, I don't like flavoured milk. It's for babies. I'd go honeycomb slash crunchy. Oh my God, grow up.

He's being provocative. I'll go novelty. I'll go novelty and I'll go novelty. Yeah. Peppermint. What? Mint. No.

That's not a thing. Primo did a mint. Oh, Primo, grow up. Grow up, Primo. Pineapple, somebody said. Ew, pineapple flavored milk. Can you stop listening to the station, please? Grow up.

There's a station out there for you and it is not this one. What about caramel? Yeah, yum. Yeah, I could do that. Okay. Are we talking like the tallest drink in town? No, no, no, no. Milk shake.

Milk shake. No, no, no, no you're doing milkshake. Milkshake. No, no, no. You're doing your deer. We're doing flavoured milk that you can buy. Why is nobody saying lime reads the text? See, I don't actually... We'll ask you at this station to find another reading session. No, but I actually don't...

I can do a lime. I had a friend who any hangover she had to have a lime primo and it just like totally threw me because it's the antithesis of what I need in a hangover. A citrus does not go with milk. It doesn't. In a natural world, wouldn't citrus curdle milk? There's nothing natural about a Lime Primo.

No, I know, but that's what I'm saying. Sublime Lime, they still make it. 5.60 for 1.5 litres. What was, if I can hold your hands and walk you back through time, what was that brand of flavoured milk that was late 90s, early 2000s, not Primo's? Zap. Zap.

Oh, my God. Yes. In the little cartons. In the cartons. Yes. Yes. And it used to come in a Tetra Pak. You'd get a big zap in like a little mini milk Tetra Pak.

Zap. Milk. Zap milk. Someone said, what about vanilla? But isn't that... That's milk. Or like a vanilla bean. Dude, that's milk. That's just milk. That's milk straight from the team.

I think what you're doing is you're drinking milk. And just because it's white, you're assuming it's vanilla, but it's not. Yeah, and it had like a lightning. Yes, my dudes. Just Jaffa, Hokey Pokey, Super Strawberry, and Cool Banana. Yeah. Cool Banana. I remember Cool Banana. Yeah. Cool Banana. I remember Cool Banana.

And the zaps were, as far as Tetra Packs you could make go bang after blowing them up and then stomping on them. Yes. Zaps were the biggest bang on the block. Yeah, I think they lasted till like the late 90s and then they RIP'd. They RIP'd it. RIP'd it. Are we going to say that if we've all got chocolate in our top three,

that chocolate wins? I think chocolate wins, yeah. Although we've both gone banana on number one. But you don't play around with a banana. Chocolate number one, I don't play around with a banana. That's so boring. We're so boring that chocolate milk won the flavoured milk rankings. Ooh.

Go ahead. Ooh. I had a friend after a big night would hit up a, just finish your mouthful because you might, they would buy a lime primo and a mince and cheese pie and like

bite of the pie drink of the primo eww eww yeah two shall mix that is just and now they said

I had a friend hopefully again if that person is in the station we would invite you now to go and listen to another radio station

we've just lost three listeners and we are stoned we're better we're better for it we are over we're about, no, we're better. We're better for it. We are over. We're about quality over quantity here. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey.

Play ZM. All bit of admin. All right. Shuffling papers. Doing an online escape room with the lads tonight. But look at this. I've got to cut out all this stuff. So you're doing an escape room but you're not even in a room.

Yeah. These took off during COVID when escape rooms couldn't do escape rooms. And because we live all over the place and we can't get together, we do online stuff. So we're doing an online escape room. You know I live like 10 minutes from you. Like a real friend in the flesh. You know we can go out and drink and party.

I'm doing comedy tonight. You can come out. We can have some drinks. We can have some dinner. You don't have to stay at home anymore. Yeah. But I want to. But I like it, you see.

God, he's hanging out in imaginary rooms rather than hanging out with us. Don't take it personally. It's hard not to. You could come to the imaginary room. Oh, no, thank you. See, that's it. Don't take it personally. Fine.

Nine years ago, today was our first breakfast show at ZM. Now, one year in, I remember, there was a cake. Two years in, no cake. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight. And now, apparently, nine, no cake. From the company. Why was there a one-year cake? And they've been cake-like ever since.

I think they're sick of us now. I think they're sick of you now. I think they're sick of you especially. It's hard not to be offended, but it's also hard not to acknowledge that that's true. That is true. That is true. Nine years of getting up at 4am. I've aged 18.

Look at this face. It's starting to fall off the bone. It's like a beautifully slow-cooked pork shoulder. It's just starting to flop off the bone. I remember saying to you, Vaughan, like, what is it like getting up that early? And you said to me, it's hell on earth. And it never gets easier.

But, you know, you get a lot of fun benefits from doing your work day early. Getting up that time of the day. You never get used to it. You just get used to being tired. Yeah. And I tell you what a gift is, just lying down and being able to sleep like that. Oh, yeah. Some people are like, I can't.

I can't sit down. I can't go to sleep. I had to get up and get something. I'm just like. Yeah, I could never sleep on planes. Like, if you were just flying, say you were going to Wellington to Auckland. Oh my God, I can't stay awake.

There's no way I could ever. And now, having done breakfast radio, just straight away you're just like. A little rumble on the window and you're like. Gone. Any regrets for the move? No. Huge, huge regrets.

Huge, huge regrets. Long for those afternoons No Nah, when we work afternoons You waste a lot of time Yeah You get up at 11 o'clock Yeah

Half the day's gone And you're a father Yeah That wouldn't work But yeah, nine years of breakfast hours today Wow How are we celebrating? Well, hopefully it's cake.

I didn't make you a cake. You'll be a cake. I don't know that the company's organised you a cake. Cake. I mean, how hard is it to get a cake? It's not hard to get a cake. Someone could get a cake

on the way to work. Someone that works at this place could get a cake. Yeah, it is only 7.30. Yeah. There's enough time to make a cake. What kind of cake would you like? Carrot cake.

Carrot? No. Carrot cake with thick cream cheese icing on top of it. I'm with that. Do I get to celebrate with you? And some pepitas. Okay. Some pe Carrot? No. Carrot cake with thick cream cheese icing on top of it. I'm with that. Do I get to celebrate with you? And some pepitas. Okay.

Some pepitas? No. Yeah, I like a little bit of pepitas and maybe some walnuts. What kind of cake do you want, Fletch? We could get two cakes. Banana. Yeah, I'll go banana. Banana.

Maybe cream cheese icing. It's got to be moist and it just can't be banana. It's got to have a bit of something. Bit of something in the banana. There's layered. Hummingbird. Hummingbird, I think that's called. Yep.

Oh, no pineapple. Yeah, pineapple and banana in there. It's a hummingbird. Anything. Any cake. You're not going to eat the cake anyway. Nah, probably not. You son of a bitch.

You derailed. Skinny fart. You derailed the carrot cake dream for a banana cake that you wouldn't touch. No, I probably won't. Do you think maybe next year will be the big celebration? A 10-year cake. And next year is 20 years of you guys working together in general. Big parties planned.

Carwin just said we'll get a vanilla sponge at best. Reflective of the show. How rude. Are you going to say no? To a vanilla sponge. That's the only thing on the cards at the moment. But a jam and cream. I'm not a sponge.

Yeah, what a cake. I'm not a sponge guy. I've been to my fair share of hen's do's, none of which have gone totally wild. Went to a strip club once. Yeah. And then one of the women was like put her boobies in my face and I didn't know what to do with

them so I blew a raspberry. That's an interesting take on them. So you motorboated? No but I didn't like do it proper. I just went like. So you motorboated but it's a boat when it's going on a straight line.

Like that. Oh, I don't know. I stuffed it up. But that's probably the wildest. Did you get kicked out? No, I think she was just like, weird woman, and then walked away. But also, yeah, I think they go towards woman. Yeah, I know, because we're always having fun.

We're safe. We're having a good night. And there's the grabbies. Yeah. They'll only just. Blow a raspberry like a five-year-old. Yeah. But no, nothing ever sort of wild or anything like that.

But there was a hen's do that is making the news because they ended up at a cattle mart where they were selling cattle. Okay. Like a cattle auction. Where was this? In America. Okay. So like a real. Where was this? In America. Okay.

So like a real kind of like Texas thing. Why? Yeah. I don't know. They just were like this wild bunch. And then look at them. They're at like an auction in like a big barn. And like she's got a veil on and they're drunk and they're laughing.

And they're buying stock. Group of 10. That's pretty rad. And they were buying stock and they all just kind of turned up here. That's pretty funny. They said it was a spontaneous thing. They just like bumped into someone they thought would be. Group of 10. That's pretty rad. And they were buying stock and they all just kind of turned up here. That's pretty funny. They said it was a spontaneous thing. They just like bumped into someone they thought would be hilarious to go along. Rich landowning dudes.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. They weren't being silly or anything. They weren't bidding. They were just absolutely loving watching it, watching these cows be bid on by all these like cowboys and stuff.

And they were super intoxicated. Having an absolute blast. Yeah. So I thought maybe we could take some calls on where your hens or your stag do ended up. At like unusual places. Yeah, so there's always the plan for the do, right? And then there's always that moment being like, should we go in here? Should we walk down here? The weirder the better, right?

Should we get on this boat? They always end up in some at some adult pubs and such. But yeah, the weirder the better of where you ended up. Maybe you ended up at like some like uni party or something. You know, you're all a group of grown adults. Or some 50th, you just invite yourself into some other party. Like a golden wedding anniversary. Yeah.

And then Nan and Pop are up the top and you're like, let's get loose. Let's get loose with Nan and Pop. Who is this. Yeah. And Nan and Pop are up the top and you're like, let's get loose. Let's get loose with Nan and Pop. Who is this? Yeah. Nan and Pop are like... Or maybe, and if you do,

by God, it's a good contender for caller of the week, maybe you ended up at a cattle mart. All right, well, 0800 DALS at M is the number.

You can text 9696. What was the random place your stag or hens do ended up? We wanted to hear from you about where the hens do you were on or the stag do you were on ended up. There was a hens do in America that ended up at a cattle market, a cattle auction. Well, Jill, very similar story.

Where did your husband's stag do end up? He woke up the next morning naked, naturally, in a chic pen at the AMP showground. Oh, my God. Was this his hen's stag do? It was his stag do, yes. His lovely friends had been trying to take him to Lyttelton to put him on a ship, but that didn't work out.

Oh, my God. Ruthless. I reckon South Island stag do's way more ruthless than North Island stag do's. Did you have to go pick him up, Jill,

naked at the A&P show? No, the lovely security guard gave him a sack and brought him home. Oh, that's nice of them.

I love it. I love it. Thanks for you calling. I'm going to call some messages in. My husband went to Wellington for his

stag do last year and ended up in the middle of the anti-vax protest. It was just like, the hell's going on here? It was like, woo, there's a party in the streets. The people are partying. Or rioting, I'm not sure. It could be either. Are you guys all here for me?

We ended up running into my future husband and his stag do and then we all joined the parties together and went to a strip club. Nobody wants to join the parties. Don't join them. You've ruined the night. Yeah. Because then you're going to be there with your husband to be all loved up. You thought it was cool.

Well, the others definitely didn't, but they couldn't say it wasn't going to happen because then there would have been an issue. We talked about flavoured milk before and ice cream's just kind of like frozen flavoured milk but I like it way more than flavoured milk. No, it's frozen flavoured cream. It's fun. It's yum.

It's a treat. You've been a very good boy and you've finished all your dinner so you get a little pud. Yeah. The price of ice cream, the two litre tubs of Tip Top have skyrocketed so much

that news outlets are doing stories on it. Oh God. Yeah. How much are we talking? I can't remember what it's like usually. To be fair, we don't buy ice cream. No. We'll go get a cone.

I can't have a big amount of ice cream at my house. Because you just eat it. I just eat it. Yeah, Aaron would be the same. I've got a dairy right under my place. So I'll just be like, okay, I'll go get an ice cream at my house. Because you just eat it. I just eat it. Yeah, Aaron would be the same. I've got a dairy right under my place. So I'll just be like, okay, I'll go get an ice cream. Yeah. Done.

Go to a little tub or something. No, just a stick. But what about a little tub? Nah. Maybe a little tub? Just get one on a stick or a trumpet or something. You're a stick. I do a cone.

What about a posh tub? Maybe a gelato. A posh tub. Like a little throat creamery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe. Maybe only if he's got his period. Yeah, and then it doesn't count.

Then it doesn't count. You're allowed to eat whatever you want. Yeah, absolutely doesn't. The two-litre tub at New World Durham Street in Christchurch in March. Yeah. Of tip-top two-litre hokey pokey, $8.39. $8. That's insanity, right?

So in Auckland, at Mount Albany, Pakistan, in December it was $4.49. Okay. That's doublet. It is, yeah. Yeah. That's doubled. What's going on there? Well, it's just everything costs.

What the hell is going on there? Are the cows on recession as well? Yeah, the cows are. Their wages have gone up. Got to pay them more. Is your dad charging more for his milk? He's getting less for his milk. Oh, how's that working then?

The payout's gone down. Okay, so wait. They were telling me the payout's gone down. So he's getting less for his milk, but we're paying double for the milk and the ice cream. I don't know. What's happening in the middle there? That's confusing. So I'm looking online, countdowns online.

A two-litre tub of Tip Top vanilla ice cream is $8.30. Vanilla? Yes. That's got nothing in it. Next to it, the Much More ice cream, which if I might say, even though I am the son of a Fonterra provider who, of course, provide Tip Top, I like much more ice cream. It's delicious.

You like it much more. It is delicious. They kept the goody-goody gumdrops, except they can't call it that because it's been tray-bucked or whatever. Oh, yeah. Goody-goody goo-gums. Goo-goo-goo-goo-gum-gums.

Gooey-gum-gums. But Countdown's own brand of creamy vanilla ice cream, $6.50 for a two-litre. Okay, we're coming down. And Countdown's brand is $6.50 for a two litre. Okay, we're coming down. And that Countdown's brand is $6.50 kind of across the board. Well, so even the budget brands of two litre ice cream are still like six bucks. They're up. Far apart.

Much more. This is our favourite as a family, the much more family foursome. The quadrant. It's French vanilla chocolate goody gum drops and cookies and cream, $6.50 for two litres. Okay, that's... Okay. Because at least you're getting some variety. Yeah. And they're salted caramels, $6.50 for two litres,

and they're Awesome Foursome, which is another, like, four. That's $6.50 as well. Does this price tracker say why it's... Like, is there any reasoning given from the ice cream manufacturers? Just the cost of everything's going up. Just the cost of everything's going up so that it's going up. Yeah. Okay. Global dairy price for

whole milk powder was up 1%. But see that doesn't explain a 1% rise doesn't explain a doubling. A doubling in price because that's not how math works. Yeah. I don't know. There's a couple of articles talking about just the

process. There's so many cogs in the wheel to making ice cream. It's not a direct thing. We're not having the milk. We're having a processed thing. We haven't seen the price of an ice cream in a cone double. When's the last time you got an ice cream in a cone at the dairy? Last week.

At Mayhap. You can get them all the time. And have they gone up? I don't even look. I know that's terrible, but when I want an ice cream, nothing's going to stop me. Not money, not control. Maybe you should check your internet banking

because you might be paying quite a bit more. Oh, God. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM. paying like quite a bit more. Oh God. Well, we've been talking about this a little bit that for your birthday, I have arranged quite an incredible weekend. Now this came because I was asked to do a show in New Plymouth, your hometown. Yeah. And it happens to be the day after your birthday. Yeah. And I was like, wouldn't this be great? You should come down

with me and we could have a fun time in the hometown. And then we're like, well, let's invite a couple of people. And now we're a group of 16. Yeah, there's 16 people. No, wait, we're 17. With me. You didn't book a ticket for me, did you? No. Oh, because we've made a great... Oh!

No. I'm on stage. Yeah. You should still pay for it together. Yeah. Yeah. So the show that I'm doing in the comedy festival Ailments which starts on the 9th of May. Book now. Is it still not selling? Yeah it's really

people just like aren't coming through. This is awkward. I literally open in less than a week. Like, oh my God, please. But I'm taking that down to New Plymouth. And yeah, it's a birthday. It'll be perfected by then. We'll be trying to turn it fun.

I've done your run. You'll have snipped some, added some in. Snippity dip, clip, clip, trim, trim. It'll be beautiful to watch. And so we've made a weekend out of it. Big group. And you've made a huge group booking on the website. Yeah, made a big group.

Also, thanks for inviting Sade. Thanks for circumnavigating me. Yeah. You danced around me and invited Sade, so she's like, yes, and now I have to go. You don't want to go.

You have to go support me and my artwork. Well, I feel like it's Fletch's birthday and that could have been closer to home for me. Yeah, right. You've dragged the whole group

to new planet. It's not even a significant birthday either. We're making a real, we've got hotels booked and flights booked and tickets booked. It's ridiculous. It was a ghast at having to spend a lot of money on me. The tickets, you know. Yeah, they're more expensive than.

Or they're a festival price rather than a comedy fest price, which is always a little bit more approachable. I hate to break it to you, but the fest in comedy fest stands for festival. What? I thought it was New Zealand International Comedy Festy, which is different. No, it's festival.

No, you've got that wrong, I think. Well, we'll clarify that. Right. But you've done the booking on your card as per, because he does this. Here he goes, Mr. Redeem the, Mr. Rep the Benefits of the Airpods. Oh my God, if somebody else wants the admin of paying for the group.

You don't even give anyone the chance. You're like, jump on. They literally went on sale last night. Yeah, well, I've got them all for the group, and then people just pay me back. I don't know, because I said to Sade, you've been doing this, paying for books, and then people pay you back, and you get the points,

and she's like, we need to get one of these credit cards. So she asked the bank, and the bank's like, you do have one of these credit cards. And she's like, what? Where get one of these credit cards. So she asked the bank and the bank's like, you do have one of these credit cards. And she's like, what, where are our points? She's pissed off. Go here and you can see them here. Yeah, so there's points there. So we've got some points there.

But now I could be doing this and reaping the benefits. Well, yeah, but you're not very good at organising. I'd forget to ask people and then I'd be out of money. I'd be like, why have I got no money? Yeah, exactly. You should do what, because you've started a group chat with everyone that's coming on the trip. Encrypted, by the way.

Well, yeah. An encrypted group chat. I don't want the government seeing what we're up to. What are we getting up to? We're going to an Indian restaurant and seeing some theatre. I don't think they're going to be that upset about it. Yeah, but if they know about it.

Okay. Are they going to put microchips in our curry? Yeah, they could. They could. Yum. What was that? A bit of bristle. There was a hard bit in my naan.

Yeah, that's the microchip, man. Beep, beep, beep. We've got him. We've got him. No, I don't know. I just went to make a new group chat and it said encrypted. And I was like, sure, that sounds better than not encrypted. Seems so dodgy.

You should do what our friend Dr. Shawnee does, who is coming on this trip. He likes to deduct $1 per $75 that Fletch spends on his card in order to claim back the air points. Yes. Very rude. So 84 cents. Very rude.

So yeah, he transfers whatever it is minus that, which is unacceptable. He just simply won't do it. Because then I'm... Well, you're benefiting. You're going to be the one flip-flopping around the world on our points. On our dime.

On my dime. You're talking like half an air points dollar. Yeah, it all adds up though because you do this every time. Well, I appreciate the support that you wouldn't come see me. Well, yeah, and if you're in New Plymouth, come along. Yeah, I'll take it. Pajamas has said the link to buy tickets is now on the Instagram story. Oh, that's lovely.

But if you're in the Auckland region, you can go on comedyfestival.co.nz to see my show, Alments, which opens the week after next. Please buy tickets. Otherwise, we don't hear the end of it. It's not sellingfestival.co.nz to see my show Alments which opens the week after next please buy tickets otherwise we don't hear the end of it it's not selling yeah

honestly and you get to see that x-ray oh my god I printed it out yesterday so with the we mentioned this

on the that was on the podcast wasn't it on the podcast I was going to say because we did say yeah because your show

is about your body it's about my body and the things that have gone wrong with my body. And I'm just creating a small sort of backdrop of x-rays from throughout my life that I've been collecting. And I got one of my hip, my whole hip bone area. And there are some. Don't, please don't say it. But yeah, there's.

Shadows. There's the outline of the. Shadows. Her parents are going to come to the show. Yeah, well. What, you think they've never seen it before? Never seen one in their life? Well, not yours.

Yeah, well, they're about to. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Wellington, my hometown, home of my heart. Absolutely crazy place. No, not true. You were born in Rangiora. Shut up.

That is a secret. You were born in the South Island. You're a South Island girl. No, I wasn't. My consciousness was born in Wellington. I only lived born in Rangiora. Shut up. That is a secret. You were born in the South Island. You're a South Island girl. No, I wasn't. My consciousness was born in Wellington. I only lived in the Rangiora for two years. It's nature versus nurture. You have big Rangiora energy. No, I do not. You do so. I am a

Wellingtonian. Look at me. No, you're a Tuesday night netball girl. Look at my Doc Martens and cardigan. You belong to a midweek social team and you get very competitive on the weekend. You are Canterbury through and through. Yeah. And you ask people what school they went to.

And you always try to lay claim to the five families. Permission to drop an F. No. Permission denied. Christchurch. How very Christchurch of you to want to swear at me. The audacity. Wellington is my hometown.

I lived there for 23 years. I have seen this woman hoon a Canterbury draft. A big bot. No, this is true. This is true. In Wellington, they have a little art installation, well, not so little, an art installation on the way with a cause. Okay.

Now, the art installation is a rather large giant in fact inflatable poo. Now they'll be erecting this inflatable poo to raise awareness about what Wellingtonians should do if they cannot use a toilet in a state of emergency. Because Wellington

straight on a fault line. There is a big earthquake coming for Wellington one day. Right? They've always been talked about that Wellington is very high risk with earthquakes.

And we haven't had the big one yet. And they're saying like a lot of me just cursing Wellington. Yeah. Really. It's such a Rangiora

thing to do. Blue tack your antiques to the shelf. Don't scare everybody else. Don't Rangiora me. That was a secret. I was born in a hospital. So basically they're going,

no one knows what to do in this state if things went lula in Wellington during a terrible event. That's the official geotechnical term too, isn't it? Lula. They send out the lula alert. Your phone goes, lula, lula, lula. There's been a 7.2 Lula.

Everything's gone a bit Lula. So they were saying the 2011 Christchurch earthquake obviously highlighted the vulnerability of the sewerage systems and a lot of people didn't have working toilets

and that can cause absolute chaos. It's a health risk. All sorts can happen. And so they are wanting to have this giant inflatable poo called Poonallope, which I think is quite interesting.

That's a very good name. Yeah, they've got me on board now. Which is going to be sort of out and about moving from location to location around Wellington. And if you go up to it out of curiosity, it'll say, here's what you should do. Well, what should you do? Well, I'll just tell you.

You don't even need to go see Poonallope. Yeah. They say either make a long drop. You've got to like dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. Oh, okay. Yeah tell you, you don't even need to go see Penelope. Yeah. They say either make a long drop. You've got to like dig, dig, dig, dig, dig a nice big long drop. I'm sorry, my house is on the verge of falling off a cliff. I'm not going to be like, well, kids, get down to Spain. I'm digging a big hole for us all to take a dump. Well, you will after you have a bloody cup of coffee.

I'll just go on the side of the road. No. Oh, my God. That's the antithesis of what they want people to do. I mean, you could because you live in the middle of nowhere. No. But the rain's going to take care of it. No.

Let the rain fall down and wash it away. No. They say either do that or do a two-bucket toilet system. I'm peeing in a bucket at night. I understand the system well. One for wheeze and one for the poos. Just for any new listeners, you're doing renovations. Oh, yeah, not just for fun, not because I'm lazy.

We don't have a toilet at the house. So they say this is good if you're on the go because you can take your bucket with you. Right. So if you're in Wellington or around and you see Pernalope, that is why. That is why. It's an educational poo.

Of how to build emergency toilets. Clay, Zed-Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the invention of spray paint. You said it couldn't be done. Three facts about paint in a row. Wow, he's done it. He's done it.

He's done it. He's only gone and done it. I would like you to have a guess as to what year spray paint was invented. Patent filed invention for aerosol propelled spray paint. 1950 something. I was going to say 1950s.lled spray paint. 1950 something. I was going to say 1950s. 1956. 1956. 65.

I'll say 56. 1949. Oh! Nice. It's where one of you is sitting down Because it looks like Yeah, okay, that's good The other person's just Yeah

I don't know the logistics other than one person sat down Nice So this was invented by Ed Seymour He owned a paint company and he was trying to show People that you could paint your radiators in your house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he needed to do like a little demo of how if you painted it black, it would hold the heat longer,

and it would just be a more effective way to use a radiator. And he was like, I just need a quicker way to do it. And his wife said, why don't you make a spray gun that you can take with you? And he's like, I can't carry an air compressor around. And she said, well, what about these aerosol cans that have got fly spray in them? Oh. Which had only really taken off in World War II.

Fly spray. Fly spray in cans. They needed to be easy and transportable to get the troops in the South Pacific. Oh, yeah. Because everybody was getting malaria in the South Pacific because of the mosquitoes and the tropical heat. That's the thing you hear about World War II. You know, they froze them out on the Western Front.

I could talk about World War II for hours, by the way, now. I've hit that age. I've hit that age. I love World War I. Fascinatingly interesting to me. But World War II had like tanks and stuff. We use the word love for wars. God, that was a bloody good war.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The whole history of humanity and humanity stepping up and such, et cetera. If only we would learn from this history. If only. Have we not? No. Have we not? Are we still warring?

We're warring. Left, right and centre. More than ever. But they needed to be able to get fly spray down because everybody was getting malaria. So much so that the troops in the South Pacific you could have malaria but until your fever was over 103 degrees Fahrenheit you weren't allowed

to be like I'm too sick to be a troop. Now if you've ever had a fever the minute it's 100 you are a wreck. I'm out.

Really? What was the limit? 103 which is insanely high. If you've got a kid and they've got a fever and it gets to 103 Oh my God.

It's like I've got a fever and it gets to 103. Oh, my God. It's like, I've got a fever of 103. And now you're allowed to not fight the Japanese in the South Pacific. So that technology was used to get insect spray down there. By the way, Dr. Seuss is involved in that, but that's a story for another time. Sounds like it. That technology was advanced to the point where she's like, if you get paint into those cans and use the same propellant,

surely that would be a quick way to paint. I'd be able to do a bit and be like, look at the difference here. This is a story of feminism. So he did it. He filed the paper. It's her idea. He 100% credits his wife with the initial idea. Wow.

Yeah. Ed Seymour was his name. How could you do that in between, you know, making lunch and making dinner? And feeding the kids and cleaning the house. I'll tell you what, I've got a few questions to ask my wife when I get home. Why haven't you influenced me to invent something amazing

that will change, you know? Yeah, come up with something. Humanity going forward. Prior to this, if you wanted the graffiti, you had to do it with a brush. Shame. Or a roller. Your tag would be so sloppy.

Yeah. And so much longer because if you use a roller, you get one, you're like, I need a roller again. There are some massive roller tags over the road.

Are there? I don't know how anyone gets away with it. Like, it must take so long to do some of these tags. Yeah, God,

yeah. That I see in the city. Especially when they've hung off a building to do it down the side. Yeah. Where's the Popeye's? Yeah.

Yeah. Let's get the kids off the street. Get them into Cirque du Soleil. Yes, get them stretching. Cirque du Soleil. Get them doing flips and hangy tricks and make the crowds go, ooh, and ah, ooh, is that bon bla paah-pa-plah from his tagging days? Yes, it is.

Boom-blah-pa-plah. Boom-blah-pa-plah. Yeah. Yeah. So today's fact of the day, and he's done it, three paint facts in a row, is that spray paint in a can was invented in 1949 and based off the technology used to kill mosquitoes in World War II.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. I am just trying to get my head around this. So apparently this is like something people have shared online, which is that we're not deleting our internet history correctly so that there is no trace of it. Right. In the off chance that someone borrows your laptop. And sees what websites you've been to.

Or sees what sort of embarrassing things you've been Googling and maybe some explicit material. But apparently this whole time, a lot of people are leaving one particular search engine holding onto all of their tech data after all of these years. Right. But there's a simple way to do it. So it's Google that we're not erasing properly.

So you have to. I've seen this. Have you? I accidentally, quite a while ago now, stumbled across in Google everything I'd ever Googled. Oh, yeah, right. And there was some funny stuff, but you just forget how much moronic stuff you're constantly Googling. Constantly Celsius to Fahrenheit, Fahrenheit to Celsius. Grams to this,

cups to grams. And you google every day so much, right? So much. So it's saying you go to the little dots, you have to remove all the cookies. So, and it's holding onto everything we've ever googled. Yeah. So this is

if you use Chrome or just... On the Chrome browser, there should be three dots. Oh, yeah, here it is. In the top right-hand corner. Just under a little drop-down arrow. Drop-down menu. Then you go to history there. Then you go to clear browsing data.

And that's how you have to get rid of it. Right. Isn't that how you would do it anyway? History, history. Tabs from other devices. History. Turn on journeys. Oh yeah.

That's cool. That kind of shows you when you go down a rabbit hole how you got there. Oh my God, turn off journeys. Turn on journeys. I thought you were meaning like how maps at the end of the year is like

here's every year's baby And we've been watching The whole time It looks like journeys is Wow Okay Anyway So if you don't

If you didn't know That that's what you have to do Because you can't just like Delete it or erase it And all that You've got to go And do the cookies And the case

And all of that Yeah Go on This is amateur stuff Remember when I was Trying to Google something To show you on my phone? Yep.

And I didn't do it. I didn't clear. The Google started with P. I did hear about that. I did hear about that. I was like, oh, let me have a look. And he's over my shoulder. And I was like, P.

And I was like, oh, all right. We'll just look on something else. That's interesting. That's interesting. Anyway, I wanted to know, this got me thinking about the moments where your search history maybe backfired on you a little bit, got you in a bit of trouble. Oh, okay. For example, like that.

Maybe you're at like a work event and your laptop's hooked up to the, you know, the screen that everyone's looking and you go, well, I'll just have a look for porch lights. P-O-R-O. Oh, yeah. And everyone goes, oh. What about you hear stories of guys secretly

planning an engagement or something and then they get caught out because their search history for engagement rings I will say I saw my engagement ring before I saw it Because of search history Yeah, we were looking at something on

Etsy. Yep. And it was on Aaron's profile, and that's how he found the jeweler for my engagement ring. Oh, wow. And I had seen these sort of rings that I had already looked at in the past that I think I would have, like, shown him. Yeah.

And I was like, well, why has he got that on his thing? And so you worked out that he was going to propose? Well, I worked out that he had looked at it, but then eight months went on before he actually proposed. So then I was like, I must have got it wrong, you know? Okay. But it didn't land him in trouble. It just sort of maybe was like, a little bit.

Has your search history on the family computer ever got you into trouble? On the family computer? Yeah. No, that's in the lounge. That's right in the middle of like, it's between the dining room and the lounge. What are you going to do there?

Oh, I meant the iPad. That thing, that's big. No, that's just for TV shows, isn't it? Yeah, it's been burned. Okay, well, burned? Yeah, burned. Buried a hole and put it in the hole. There was no other way around that.

A hole in the ground and then trees in the ground. 0800 dials it in. We want to take your calls this morning. When did your search history land you in a bit of trouble? We are talking to you about when your internet history got you in a bit of trouble because internet users are sharing that they're only just realising

erasing your search history doesn't actually erase it. And there's more to the article. Because we were talking about doing the clear the history and the cookies and stuff. But there's more to the article. Because we were talking about doing the clear the history and the cookies and stuff. But there's more because it's still stored on Google. So you've got to delete it from your own personal Google account as well. And you've got to do that by selecting dates. Yeah. All I

would say is Google how to Google your Google because it's very complicated. It's all there. Because even though it won't pop up in the browser, Google still remembers everything you've ever searched. Oh, Google knows, yeah. So you have to go erase it from all time. It's this whole thing. Yeah.

Anyway, we want to know if you've ever, if your Google, if your search history or, you know, what you've used your computer for has landed you in a bit of trouble. Cameron, what happened? Hey, I was living in Australia for a little bit a couple of years ago and I had this girl over to my place for a little bit of a fun time.

Yeah, good for you. Had a couple of drinks and watched some, as you guys said, some porch videos. Yeah. Watched some porch light videos. Yep, yep. Just to get some, you know, some ideas. Okay. Yeah, yeah, right.

Porch lighting is good. Yeah, and then by the end of the night, everything was all good. Get up in the morning, go to get into my car to go off to work with my flatmate. Jump in the car, and I didn't back out of the website, did I? So my phone connects to the Bluetooth on the radio. Oh, my God! And autoplays. Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's brilliant. Why did you invite her over and you watched porch videos on your phone? Yeah, well, because I didn't have an iPad or anything like that. Yeah, okay. How embarrassing. Hey, hey, hey, come over here. Look at this. Yeah.

Is this porch doing it for you? Get close, get close. Don't touch the screen. Pause it. Oh, my God. Cameron, that's going to be our caller of the week. Absolutely. That's too embarrassing.

That is so embarrassing. Cameron, we're going to hook you up with a $50 McCafe voucher. Thanks to our mates at McCafe, our caller of the week. There's always that moment where you're like, hang on, hang on, hang on. You start making lots of noise so that you're... Where's it coming from? Too good.

We'll get to more of your texts and calls next. Good Lord, we're getting some messages in, aren't we, about you. Your computer search history getting you in trouble. Search engine? Search history got you in trouble. What have we got, Vaughnie? Your computer search history getting you in trouble? Search engine? Search history got you in trouble. What have we got, Vaughn-y? Well, I found my now ex-husband's profile on some sites.

Oh, no. Yeah. I uncovered his wild addiction to porch. Oh, dear. When I was trying to find a news story, I met him. Did you have to stop the sentence? Wow, okay. I found out my partner was on Tinder through a search history as his phone was connected to my Gmail account.

Oh! What an idiot! The worst part about that is that you were dating an idiot. Yeah. Oh, that's sad. My work colleagues saw on my Google search for sexy lingerie on red heels. Oh. Oh.

Don't be ashamed of that. God, no. Ha. Yeah. Maybe you're not on the work computer. I don't know. Or on work time. I don't know.

What are these work computers for, you know? Yeah. A few hours work. I mean, Hayley's work laptop has literally died and it's, what, it's not even a year old. I've BYO'd so I'm allowed to look at anything I want. I was at work, and in a moment I was thinking about hairstyles, and I was looking up female shaved undercut hairstyles. Oh, God.

I accidentally searched shaved uncut, and then that was in my search history. Yeah. And someone wanted to know why. I got a little ping from IT. Yeah. And someone wanted to know why. I got a little ping from IT. Yeah. Naughty. A ping from IT.

A ping from IT. How embarrassing. I didn't even wipe my... Oh, no, it's fine. It's the work computer. Can't look at anything anyway. I'm a midwife and my search history is,

let's say, colourful. Yeah. My Google links up with my daughter's tablet. Nothing like your eight-year-old asking you about various STDs. Oh, good though. Inform them, yo.

Education. Education. The STIs we say now as well. Yeah. Infections, not diseases. It's not a disease. It's an infection. I thought it said for dirtiness.

It was a sort of a shame thing. No. Shame people for enjoying sex. No, no. As well they should be. Catherine, when did the search history get you in trouble? This was probably when I was eight years old. So I'm 27 now.

Oh, wow. When the curiosity got to me, I searched up some porch videos. Of course. Thank you to everyone for just being on board with the language of choice this morning. Yeah, porch. Yeah, yeah. Of course. Thank you to everyone for just being on board with the language of choice this morning. Yeah, yeah. And at that age, I didn't know how to delete search history. Of course, you're right. My mum really liked to bake, so she liked to print off her recipes from the computer.

And somehow those searches got printed off on the computer. Oh, babe. And she managed to see them. And it was this whole confrontation between the whole family, like who printed this off. Whose was it? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, who was it?

It was so embarrassing. Oh, my God. A bit of curiosity is absolutely fine, by the way. I love that. But it's also, like, that's an, then your parents, when you say confrontation, and I mean, sure, that's my immediate reaction also like that's an – then your parents – you say confrontation. And I mean, sure, that's my immediate reaction, right? As a parent. There's going to be like a what?

But good opportunity to have an open and honest conversation. Yeah. I ended up telling her it was me in the end. I would have blamed dad. Poor old dad. Poor old dad. He's doing incognito mode He's doing everything

Right and he gets dragged into it by the kids Thanks you called Catherine Some messages to finish up It's good to educate your kids that not all porches look the same You know Some porches are wooden, some are concrete Some people don't have a porch Some have a giant

Giant porch Some people have huge porches. Some people have a non-consented porch that's too high off the ground without a balustrade around the side. And some porches have been cut off. Yes. They have. Removal of an old concrete porch.

Just the end of it. Yeah. Some porches are porches built over old porches. Yeah. Some porches are absolutely covered in moss and some people have cleaned the moss away. And some people have stained their porch. I've had mine

lasered off my porch. Have you? I waterblast my porch. Oh, ow. Yeah, every summer I waterblast it and restain it. Wait, are we actually

talking about decking? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Great, great stuff. Kevin. Great work, guys. 10 out of 10 if I say so myself.

I'll do a 9.6. Is that enough for you to review this podcast with a high rating and then tell all your friends? You sound very insincere.