ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 28th August 2023

Episode Date: August 27, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Tomato Sauce  Top 6: Dad Club  Vaughans Wax Jug  Worst First Jobs  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Happy Monday. Happy Monday. God, listen to it, the state of it. Big night, like big night last night, was it?

A big weekend, honestly. Gone, I'm a social butterfly. Well, yesterday, this might make you feel better. Yesterday was four weeks until daylight savings. I know. Oh, my God, I'm so excited. You can already feel it. You can.

Yeah, beautiful weekend, actually. At night, yeah. In Dorkland. Getting a little bit lighter at night. Still cold, though. Bloody cold. Bloody cold. He's bloody cold.

Bloody cold. Is she bloody cold? Well, on the show today. Just checking. We were all just doing silly voices there. Bloody cold. Bloody cold. He's bloody cold. Bloody cold. Is she bloody cold? Well, on the show today. Just checking. We were all just doing silly voices there. We weren't doing accents, were we? A silly voice. Yeah, no.

Just towards the end there, it started to feel like we might be doing some inappropriate accents. It doesn't. No. Okay, good night is just silly. 602, still got a job. Bloody cold.

No, no, no. Silly voice. On the show today, we're halfway through our Taylor Swift tickets. So two more weeks. Two more weeks of chances. Eight o'clock this morning, the, no. Silly voice. On the show today, we're halfway through our Taylor Swift tickets. So two more weeks. Two more weeks of chances. Eight o'clock this morning, the first song. You're going to be listening out for that song, the one at midday and four.

You know how it works by now, surely. Of course. And also, you know I'm doing Project Swifty, Hayley's version. Do I get to go? No. Oh. No. Is that not how it ends?

That we surprise me with tickets? We give our tickets to the listeners. Are you sure? Yeah, that's how it works. I'm so sorry. There's a big reveal, isn't there? No, there's not. There's not a big reveal.

Cannot wait. Not at all. This seems ridiculous. The top six on the way. Yes. Father's Day is this weekend coming. Now, you might have been like me and thought it was the 9th for some reason. That makes no sense.

It's always the first weekend in September, but once it wasn't. Because it's got to be a full weekend. Oh, okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So it's not Sunday if Sunday's the first. Anyway, Father's Day this weekend and a hotel is like, we're going to take care of your dads.

If you come and stay here, we're going to have a dad's club, like a kid's club. I've got the top six things that will go down in dad's club. As a dad, what I would like to see in the club, but also what always happens at dad's club. Silly little poll soon as well. Do you relax when you wear jeans? Absolutely not.

Oh, it must be off. My whole time I'm in jeans, I'm uncomfortable. This is going to be a passionate debate, I feel. Yeah, I agree. Next on the show, though, tinfoil. Yesterday, I used it to cover some meat while it was cooking. So the juices didn't escape. Delicious.

But if you're a criminal, tinfoil's got a new use just for you. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Now, apparently, I've never had an ankle bracelet. No, neither. Oh, they get so itchy. Do you get a bit of eczema underneath? Yeah, yeah, I've never had an ankle bracelet. No, neither. Oh, they get so itchy. You get a bit of eczema underneath because you've got sensitive skin. I've got very sensitive skin.

I can't breathe. Yeah, what's the strap options for the sensitive skin? No, they don't give you the option. They just give it to you. It's stock standard. Monsters. Yeah. Okay.

I think the third time I was like, hey, guys, you know, do you have an extra, like a different strap for sensitive skin? Third time? Yeah. I think we found our unnamed female radio announcer DIY. Four times over time. My best friend was in town on Friday. She was like, when that radio announcer got done for drink driving, did you get a lot

of messages? I was like, it's totally my vibe, isn't it? But no, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. Not as many as Tony Street, who fit all that. I was talking to her about it and she's like, I'm sick of it. I bet you've been asked and she's like, oh God. But I saw her, she pulled into work

in her car. Yeah. When it didn't have one of those things you had to blow on to prove that you were sober before it starts. Put it into the ignition. But do you know, I see people all the time at the gym in the pool with bracelets on. Really? All the time. How are they allowed? Because some of it's curfew.

Yes, excuse my naivete, but there are different types, right? Yeah. You've got to be home between these hours so they only switch on. But then there's that they can see where you are. Yes. Kind of vibe. Apparently. And then there's the you can't leave.

If you cross a borderline, it's going to teet-a-lee-teet-teet-teet. Like your dog collars. Do we talk about those? The ones that shock your dogs? Yeah. I'll talk a bit. Some people don't like collars. We use the beepy or the vibratey function.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of early zaps. A couple of early zaps. A couple of early zaps. I need another early zaps. A couple of early zaps. I need another one. That's when the dogs are gone.

Do you want to charge it up? Every time I leave the house. Okay. I've been naughty, haven't I? Go back into the house, shall I? Oh, naughty girl. Maybe I'll leave again. Maybe I'll just walk. Zzz-ah. Zzz-ah. Zzz-ah. Zzz-ah. Maybe I'll just walk in and out my gate. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

So, it's come to light again that these dastardly criminals are wrapping them in tinfoil to get around. Now, this can't be get around the geolocation of them because if they were monitoring, surely there's a thing that's like, you lost communication. Yeah. You'd think so, yeah.

This has got to be to get through the electronic fence at the end of your driveway. But then you can just wrap your cell phone, right, in tinfoil, can you? Does it work? I don't know. Do we have tinfoil? Thank you, Jared read my mind.

He's already gone out the door. Because they're saying that these criminals are wrapping their ankle monitoring bracelets in tinfoil. They're going on ram raids. They're going out committing crimes. Coming home and... And it's working. But also they're showing them off.

But this also feels... On social media. Because that's the thing. There's no links to any proof in this article. It's just like, On social media. Oh, right. There's no links to any proof in this article. It's just like, it's happening. And this also feels like a fair mongering, a little bit. Because surely the technology

works under a layer of tinfoil. Yeah, we need to get some new ones off Timu or AliExpress or something. Get a new one that can't just be tinfoiled out of commission. Unless you wrap lead, like a lead kind of... You don't want to go playing around with lead, though. Yeah.

That's the risk, baby, when you're tinfoiled. No, there's no tinfoil in the kitchen. Because we could have wrapped our phone in. And then tried to call it. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Or done, because we all follow each other and find my friends. Oh, yeah.

Could have seen if I could still find you. So apparently people on monitored bail had increased. bail In 2017 there were 495 people on Tickets Bracelets There's more than 2300 this year Yeah right Do you shower with them? I think so

I don't think you can take it off Oh imagine if you're a female with it You'd have a hairy patch You know like if you were shaving your legs. You'd want it loose so you could slide it up and down. Yeah. Yeah, you would want it loose. But I've got quite a thick set calf.

Yeah, years of marching. Yeah, muscular curve. I wouldn't be able to slide it that high. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Just to reiterate, I haven't actually had ankle bracelets before.

And I'm not the unnamed radio presenter. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. There's been a recall. This is at Lidl Supermarkets. Oh, Lidl. Lidl? Lidl. I'm going to have a Lidl shop.

Talking to them so condescendingly. L-I-D-L. We don't have them here in New Zealand. They've got them in Australia, though. Yeah, I think so. And, you know, all through Europe and the UK. Well, they sell Paw Patrol snacks. Do we have these here?

Paw Patrol snacks? We have had Paw Patrol snacks previously. Yes. Because, yeah. They've got a mini biscotti. Are they good? What's a biscotti? Like a hard biscuit.

Oh, yuck. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. This is so? What's a biscotti? Like a hard biscuit. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. This is so Italian children, isn't it? It really is. With their fluffies. He's a mummy. I want a little pork patroli biscotti with my baby on chin. So the Pork Patrol all-butter mini biscotti biscuits,

Pork Patrol choc-chip mini biscotti biscuits, and Yummy Bake Bar's raspberry flavour have all been recalled. Now, there is nothing wrong with them. Oh, delicious. But on the packet, there is a QR code and a link that you can scan for your kids or your kids can scan. And that was meant to take you to a Paw Patrol website. Of course.

It does not take you to a Paw Patrol website. Of course. It does not take you to a Paw Patrol website. It takes you to a porn website. Paw Patrol. Paw Patrol. So close. Reporting for duty, sir. Little say they apologise for any inconvenience caused. And thank you for your cooperation in the recall.

Did they make the biscuits, though? Surely they didn't. No, I don't think they've got anything to do with it. It would be licensed. That's going to be a gag from an internal person. You don't just accidentally link to a porn website. Like a QR code. Yeah.

No. I know. That's got to be someone who's done the packaging and gone, ha, ha, ha. Last day. Yeah, they've been fired or this ill feeling. Yeah, yeah. Or they're a cat person. Hopefully no bloody.

Because the cat's the bad guy On Paw Patrol The what? The cat's the bad guys On Paw Patrol What? Yeah But cats are just lovely

The evil mayor Has his own team Of animals Yeah Except they're cats And they're up to no good Oh They're more destruction

Than construction Well that's very cats Very cats So they live in a world In which the dogs The dogs are the main characters. The dogs. There's humans, but there's also dogs.

And the dogs are dogs. Wait, there's humans in Paw Patrol? Yeah, Ryder. He's an eight-year-old. He lives in this tower. I don't know where he got the money. Okay. And he's built little cars for each of the dogs,

and they each have a specialty. But the cats get a little car? Yeah, the cats get a little car too, but they're evil. So humans and cats are driving in the same world? Yeah, in the same world. Cats, dogs, humans. No, that just doesn't make sense. But then there's also animals that are just animals.

Right. Like the mare has a chicken. The mare has a pet chicken who is simply a chicken. Okay. Does the chicken not talk? No, it doesn't. There's no consistency in this storyline. No, no, no.

It's wild. It is a wild world, the world of Paw Patrol. Okay, wow. I'm finding it hard to sort of buy into it. But everybody's got a favourite Paw Patrol, like Paw Patroller. Okay. Yeah. Who's yours?

Rocky. He did recycling. He was the recycling pup. He didn't get to lead too many missions because obviously... Where's Green? Oh, yeah, he's a recycling dog. Yeah, because Chase is the cop. He kind of did most of the leading,

but was also responsible for some horrific brutality. Yeah, now, because if they recovered after that, after they choked that cat to death? Yeah. Yeah. Not really. Well, I mean, they kind of brushed it under their rug. They employed another poor patrol who specialised in defensive war.

Oh, right. Okay, yeah. Who rode a very nice car in. God, it sounds wild. Sounds problematic to me. Yeah. Silly little poll next on the show. This, I tell you what, jeans.

Do you relax in your jeans when you get home? Monsters. Monsters. Can you relax in jeans? Can you relax in? No way. Only if they're 20 sizes too big. Which my jeans aren't.

That's a sleeping bag. All my jeans. That is a sleeping bag. A denim sleeping bag. The results are next. Play it. ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Fletchford and Hayley.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Yesterday I was chillaxing in my jeans.

Chillaxing. Relaxing. And I thought Huh This is good I like doing this And Shade was in track pants And I said

Don't relax in jeans And she's like Nobody but you does And I said We'll see about that And I messaged Shannon Saying Silly little pole

Do you relax in jeans Absolutely not If they're not Comfortable enough to relax Then I wouldn't wear them In the first place I mean No Jeans are a fashion moment Absolutely not. If they're not comfortable enough to relax, then I wouldn't wear them in the first place. I mean... No, I'm saying...

No, jeans are a fashion moment, not a relaxation. They're for going out. Yeah, they are. And then you get home... I've got my going out jeans. And then you get home and you get into your delicious track pants. I've got the most amazing track pants. What kind of track pants have you got?

Well, I've got a couple of pairs, but at the moment I've got these grey ones and they've got like a fluff on the inside. Your big old wang. Make your wang look huge. When you go for a walk and he doesn't wear his undie pants. No, these are at home pants. So you're inviting them in to see your massive wang?

Or do you just stand at the window of your apartment shaking it? No, they're just really comfy. Why are you celebrating your wang when no one's looking? There was a guy at the gym the other last week wearing grey sweatpants. I know, you, shaking it. No, they're just really comfy. Why are you celebrating your wang when no one's looking? There was a guy at the gym the other, last week, wearing grey sweatpants. I know, you messaged us. They know, eh? I messaged the group. His, you can see his wang.

Yeah. I think he wanted me to see his wang. It's hot, eh? Do you reckon? Because I was doing that sit down thing where you pull the bar down and he sat, came and stood right in the eye line. He wanted you to see his wag. Yeah.

So anyway. People know what they're doing when they wear grey track pants in public. Absolutely. They know. They're relaxing. Yeah. But can you relax in jeans? Or do you relax in jeans?

73% of people saying no way. 27% of people saying yes. See, you are the minority. I am the minority. You are. Yeah. Christine says, how is this even a question?

I can't think of anything worse than relaxing in jeans. Yeah. I mean, if that's the worst you can imagine, Christine, you've lived a privileged life. Yeah. But,

yeah, if they're not comfortable, I just wouldn't wear them if they weren't comfortable. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I also didn't have jeans as a kid.

I don't think I had jeans until I was about 16. Yeah, no, I didn't have jeans. My mum always put me in dresses. We were in shorts. We were a shorts family. I used to love, yeah, I rocked a lot of shorts. Shorts all year round. My dad's nickname was Shorts.

Because he only ever wore shorts. Will he be in shorts now in the cow shed? He doesn't do long pants in winter. I wear overalls. Oh, okay. Cute. But underneath shorts. Yeah, they're real cute.

I've seen Ian in his overalls. Have you? But all dairy farmers wear overalls. Oh, cute. And in summer you go for a short-sleeved overalls. You think grey track pants. Oh, really? Wang out.

Yeah, wang out. Wang popping in the overalls. Yeah. Gotta be careful of this. Shout out to all the dairy farmers that have taken a sneaky wee down the farm and then zipped up a little quick. Bronte says, no, but my fiance does. He once wore jeans the entire 36 hours of flying to New Zealand from London. Yeah, my dad wears jeans on his flights.

I can wear jeans on my flights. No, track pants. No, no, no. Always wear trackies. I always wear gym leggings. Yeah. The woman's track pants. Yeah, ladies love a gym legging on a plane.

Also, when you're walking down the aisle, you know, give them something to look at. I'm going to say, I feel you guys, when they walk past you and you lean out into the aisle and you catch a little... All right, good for you. I feel like you're lucky you can wear active wear on a long haul flight, whereas guys, you just have to dress down and wear trackies. Yeah, you've got to look like slum. You want to wear some bike shorts, do you? He wears his padded butt and his clip-clops on the plane. I'm just going to pop to the toilet.

Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop. But somehow he comes back with a muffin and a Cathy of China. What are you doing there? He's got his Pit Viper glasses on. Erin says hard pants are not relaxing. That is simple. That's a good way of looking at it, hard pants. Jeans shouldn't be hard pants.

You need to add a little bit more elastane. Lucy says, I have napped in jeans many times. Oh, okay. Yeah, you lie down and you fall asleep. You've got to let the old girl breathe. Yeah. Okay, that's a good point, actually. You wouldn't want to be under sheets in jeans.

No, you're not on sheets. Oh, that's a good point, actually. You wouldn't want to be under sheets and jeans. No. You're not on sheets. Oh, God. The Dagobah system. A lot of Yodas down there doing flips in the swamp. Oh, yeah, no. Rachel says, yes, whatever I wear in the morning is what I stay in all day.

I'll even mow the lawns in jeans. No. It's going to be so cold to mow the lawns in jeans. What do you wear when you're mowing the lawns? Shorts. Shorts. Yeah. Yeah. Men love shorts, eh?

Yeah, we love them. My friend thinks I'm nuts, says Rachel, for all my jeans activities. Alicia says, my husband does home exercises in jeans like some sort of absolute psychopath. Home exercise? What, like squats? I would honestly say it's about time to start looking for a new husband. Yeah. That's mental behaviour.

You're married to a psychopath. Get him some grey track pants. And admire the wing. And ban undies. No matter how big it is, it'll look bigger. Yeah. It's like that bit in a bell. Under the bell.

Yeah. That ding-dongs the side of the bell. Yes. Now, this part of the bell has a name, but I can't think of it. So, to me, now, that is called the penis of the bell that ding-dongs the side of the bell. Yes. Now this part of the bell has a name but I can't think of it so to me now that is called

the penis of the bell. Yeah, yeah. Penis and the bell is the grey track pants. Okay. And then it's just ding-donging in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ding-dong. How many times did it tap the side? On the 12th. That means it's 12 o'clock. On the top of every hour. Dong. And on the half

it only half-dongs. Dong. That's how you know it's only half. Alright, that's the little pop. I don't know if you guys had this experience

but when we had tomato sauce and it was running out my mum used to add a little bit of water. Or vinegar? Or vinegar. Oh,

vinegar would really tang it up. Yeah, it's all about the tang. We just yeah. Vinegar would really tang it up. Yeah, it's all about the tang. We just used to add more tomato sauce from the can. Oh my god, yeah, top it up from the can. Did you have one of the little tomatoes? We had one of those tomatoes, but then we bought one bottle of

upright sauce, and then you funneled in another can and you'd get the rubber spatula in the can and you'd scrape every ounce of it out. And then mum would put in another can and you'd get the rubber spatula in the can and you'd scrape every ounce of it out. And then mum would put hot water in into the can and then put it in and then shake the bottle up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hot water in the can. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, add a bit of water.

And then we, years later, when that thing's label had come off and the plastic was starting to perish and we were definitely getting BPA, we got one of those upside down bottles that always sits on the nose. And then that became the one you just topped up from the can. Fancy. Well, the internet is debating at the moment and a TikToker has shared their hack, which is you hold the bottle in your hand and you swing your arm around like a windmill. No, no.

That's asking for the lid to come off and the tomato sauce on the ceiling. You've got to put your finger on the lid when you do it. But apparently producer Jared does this. Is this your methodology to get the sauce out? Yeah, I don't do a full rotation because I've got bad shoulders. Yeah, you're only clicky. Yeah, clicky shoulders. Too clicky, grimy, raunchy, yeah.

So I just do like the bottom half of the circle. Why have you got bad shoulders? I used to be a goalkeeper in football. Diving? Yeah, so my knees and my shoulders are a goalkeeper in football. Diving? Yeah. So my knees and my shoulders are a bit meh. Oh, right. Because you want to wave.

Yeah, right. You've got to be as big as you can be. Yeah, but it wasn't the Hyundai A-League, was it? No, it was the 3rd XI, actually. The 3rd XI. I don't think you should be carrying... Stop doing XIs. Yeah, I think you should...

3rd XI. 3rd XI. I'm in the 7-11, yeah. So this works, though. It gets the sauce to the body. The centrifugal force. Yeah, centrifugal, yeah. Tomato sauce is a Newtonian liquid, right?

I had to just Google to make sure. I don't think he's saying that like we know. What, like a bit of a sticky liquid? Like it's... When you apply movement and stuff, it becomes more liquid. Oh. When it's just sitting, it's not liquid as much.

It's a bit stodgy. Yeah, right. And then when you start moving it or vibrating it or tapping it, it becomes a bit more viscous. She loosens up. Right. So you've got to get the swing on. This is the way.

You've got to do a full, well, obviously you can just do a half circle if you've got bad shoulders, if you're a goalkeeper. In the third 11. In the third 11. Back in high school. Or you do a- A long time ago. You do a full thing.

But it also works with other things like shampoo and conditioner and other, what did you call them? Newtonian fluids. Newtonian fluids. It doesn't work with toothpaste though. No, too thick. That's too thick. That's too thick.

Too thick, too thick. That one you've got to, I do a suck on the toothpaste. If the toothpaste is getting low, I put my lips on the end and go, and I suck. Don't ooh me. And then spit it onto the toothbrush. No. It's in my mouth and then I get wet the brush and just get in there.

You go straight. Yeah, like a vacuum. I've never tried that. It makes sense actually. No, but when it's really down to the end bit and you can't roll it up any tighter, you suck it and it comes out the... If there's any real estate agents listening,

you know how they're always giving you shitty calendars with substandard magnets on the back for the fridge or a notepad or something? Just absolute rubbish, waste of money. A real estate agent once gave my parents a toothbrush, a toothpaste squeezer. So when you've got a little bit on it, you put it on the end. Great advertising. Every time they brush their teeth

they're seeing your real estate agent business there. It sounds like Jenny from Harcourt's and you just push it up an inch. And every morning you're like, thank you Jenny from Harcourt's. Slide it up and Jenny from Harcourt's is letting you get every ounce of Colgate out of that tube. Well done Jenny. And then when you get to the end my mum of Colgate out of that tube. Well done, Jenny. And then when you get to the end, my mum would cut the end off the tube.

Well, she didn't bother. She'd just suck it. You suck it. Yeah. Well, you shouldn't be sucking a tube that the whole family's using. Well, it's just me and Aaron. Yeah, no, she's a solo traveller. Yeah.

Also, we've got a tube of toothpaste each. Do you? Sorry? What? Yeah. Well, I'm a Sensodyne boy. I'm a Sensodyne. I just, over the years, just every time my tooth hurt

when I should have gone to the dentist and I Sensodyned, I just had my own. And so- What, you've got individual toothpaste in your house?

Yeah, and the girls have got their one, which was like formulated more for kids. And then Sade's got her charcoal one. No, we've moved away from the flavoured... Bizarre.

Or the charactered ones for kids. Okay. Wow, it must be nice. It is. It must be nice having individual toothpaste in the family. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank,

this is the top six. I've just learnt that in Spain there is a hotel called Holiday World Polynesia. Holiday World Polynesia? Yeah, and it's not at all Polynesian themed, but there is a couple of like wooden arches. Okay, there you go. In a hibiscus. And that's enough apparently.

Yeah, great. archers. Okay. In a hibiscus. And that's enough apparently to tick it off. But it is at Holiday World Polynesia in Spain at Rotondo de los Elefantes. Of the soul. Valenda Mende. Malaga Spain. That Dad's Club is opening.

Wow. I reckon you nailed that. I think so. It felt good. I reckon you nailed that. I think so. It felt good. You absolutely did, yeah. It felt good. They're doing a Dad's Club. So if you're like a teenager and you think your dad's like,

oh my God, totally cringe, you can drop Dad off at Dad's Club. Great. Now they say socks and sandals welcome. They say a lot of thing, real typical dad stuff. But I've got the top six dad things to do at dad club.

Okay. Today for today's top six. Number six on the list. You watch the groundskeeper of the holiday club

Polynesia do the lawns and tell him he's doing great. But then when he's out of air shot, you turn to the dad next to you, shake your head and

be like, he's not doing it right, is he? Yeah. Look at those hedges. Oh, don't get me started on the hedges. He's left those. You've got to trim her around.'t get me started on the hedges. He's left those.

You've got to trim them around. We'll get started on the hedges while you're doing the lawns. We'll just keep on top of these. They should just let dads do the ground keeping at holiday resorts. At Dad's Club. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six dad things to do at Dad's Club.

Talk about World War II and where the military tacticians went wrong and what you'd do different. Having never been in a war. Having never even held a gun. Yeah. It's important that you give your thoughts on where some of the greatest military minds went wrong nearly 100 years ago.

Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six dad things to do at Dad's Club, there's one big, giant, long barbecue where you cook something shoulder to shoulder with other dads and click-clack your tongs and judge how other people cook their steak. Oh, yeah. Don't flip it.

Don't flip it. Yeah, I reckon you want to get it off the grill because it keeps cooking. It keeps cooking once you take it off the heat. It keeps cooking. Number three on the list of the top six dad things to do in Dad's Club. There's a bar where you slam a few beers before changing discreetly to light beers. And then you finish the night with a couple of zero percenters just to taper off the evening. You don't want too big of a night.

You've got a big day tomorrow doing the lawns and the hedges. Of course, yeah, of course. But you still want to stick around. Stick around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a chat. Have a chat, but just taper off. Number two on the list of the top six dad things to do at Dad's Club. Stick around. Stick around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a chat. Have a chat, but just taper off.

Number two on the list of the top six dad things to do at Dad's Club. Talk about how you'd love a motorbike, but the missus won't sign off on it. Even though you don't really want a motorbike because they're very, very scary. Maybe have one in the garage to look at. Dangerous. And every now and then start up and give a rev and then turn off and go back inside where it's safe. And number one on the list of the top six dad things to do at Dad's Club. Anytime something stops working at the hotel,

it gets put in a big pile in a shed and then dads get to go in with screwdrivers and drills and tinker with them trying to get them going again. Sounds great. We'll get that toasted. Have a tinker hour. Yeah, got a feeling that toast is going to be toasted better than it's ever toasted by the time we're finished with it here at Dad's Club.

That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Nothing I love more than someone splitting their pants. It's one of the funniest things when someone splits their pants. It's funny. I've done it. It's funny unless it happens to you at a wedding or an event because what do you do?

You tie a jacket around your waist and that's the fashion for the night. That's the night, okay. Yeah. I don't think I've split my pants publicly, but when I have, it's very funny. You know, like when I've done it just by being a dick and squatting down

and they split. That's funny. You've never had an onstage? No, but I know people that have. I've been on stage with people that have split their pants and the whole room laughed, you know? Yeah. It's great.

You've just got to. Iggy Azalea. Is she still kicking about? Ouch. Well, I just, you know. On behalf of Iggy Azalea, ouch. What's the last, what's the last? She only fans. Name me an Iggy Azalea song. Yeah, she went into, she just, you know. On behalf of Iggy Azalea, ouch. What's the last, what's the last? She only fans.

Name me an Iggy Azalea song. Yeah, she went into, she didn't only fans. Well, good for her. And that did well. Yeah, right. Well, because she, I mean, she's got a body on her. How much did she make? Did she ever say how much she makes?

I don't know. Oh, Google. You have a Google. Probably more than you'd get from like Spotify royalties, to be honest. I'm not even joking. Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless you're like Adele or Ed Sheeran, you're not making any money. Is Adele an OnlyFans?

No, I mean from Spotify. Unless you're an Adele or an Ed Sheeran on Spotify, you're not making a lot of money. Poor old Ed Sheeran had gone OnlyFans. I'm going to say, my granddad did that in the 1970s and then tried to sue him for millions. Yeah, exactly. Yeesh.

He can't win. Well, Iggy Azalea was performing at an event in Saudi Arabia. Very. Famously conservative. Oh, yeah. Okay, so just quickly on Iggy Azalea, how much money she made.

Please do, please do. There was a story from February about when she launched in January. So one month, $4.2 million. What? Are you kidding me? You'd do it, right? Why bother making music?

Pop Tings quoted Iggy Azalea's makeup artist as having revealed to her that her Hotter Than Hell project on the uncensored platform of OnlyFans had garnered $4.2 million profit for the rapper since launching in January. And that was the story from the start of February. Have you guys been on OnlyFans?

In a month. Less than a month. Have you been on OnlyFans? That is ridiculous. Nah, I'm too cheap. Yeah, I'm like, I want to pay for it. I'm not paying for that.

I'm not paying for that. But there's something curious about a celeb doing it because then you're like, oh yeah, what are you up to? Because some celebs have done it

and people have called them out because they won't show anything. Yeah, show, if you're doing on OnlyFans. they'll just be like, here's me in my knickers and they're like, no, we want to see like them out because they won't show anything. Yeah, if you're doing OnlyFans. They'll just be like, here's me in my knickers and they're like, no, we want to see your wang.

You've seen that. Yeah. Come on, man. Get the schlong out. Yeah, this isn't your Instagram story. It's OnlyFans. Well, I want breasticles or testicles. Yeah.

Wow, that's interesting. Iggy Azalea was performing in Saudi Arabia. Her pants split. She went down. They split from the knee to the butt, exposing her whole thigh, of which there's a good set of thighs on it. So they kicked her off the stage.

They're like, well, you're too exposed. Even though her other outfits, she's, you know, near nude. But they're like, oh, it's too much. So they shut it down because they're obviously ultra conservative. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That pant must have been doing a hell of a lot of contain those thighs.

Yeah, I know. The pressure got too much. Yeah. I thank my pants every day. I take them off like, good for you. Well done, pant. You really did the Lord's work there today. I want to know when you split your pants. Because it's just so funny to me that a seam not being able to contain your butt is really funny to me.

Especially if you're away from home. You're at work, a job interview, a wedding. Yes, you're dropping it low and you split your pants. When did you split your pants and was it just at the worst time? Okay, let's take your stories. 0800-DARLS-N-M is our number. Give us a call. You can text through 9696.

When did you split your pants? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. We're talking about when you split your pants because Iggy Azalea, who is still performing music. I wouldn't bother if I were her. Our only fans is making enough money. Oh, my God, yeah. Like $4 million in a month.

Just do that. She raps, doesn't she? Yeah. She does, yes. She's a rapper. Well, she was performing in Saudi Arabia and split her pants, and they had to kick her off the stage because Saudi Arabia is too conservative for split pants.

So the message is in. Bless you, sir. Thank you. We asked on Instagram if you'd ever split your pants. Heidi said, my power split is his dancing at his own wedding. He was the groom. He just took them off and the rest of the night he spent in his undies. Yeah.

I mean, you've had your photos by then, haven't you? Yeah, but it's past the precipice. Yeah, you're on the roll now. Imagine if you were in your wedding photos in your knickers. I'd be too early for a split pant. You'd just hide it as best you could. Yeah, Photoshop that. Somebody else said,

at work, deciding to do push-ups and squats for fun, my wife had to go and buy me new pants. Aw, shut up. Hoodie and I, oh, I split my pants and I just tied my hoodie around my waist

and spent the rest of the day with my hoodie tied around my waist, covering the back. Every woman's done that, but for different reasons at some point or the other. Okay, hold on. The person with the hoodie,

their messages came in reverse order. At Disneyland after riding Splash Mountain too many times, my pants were wet. And then when they were wet and I stood up and they split. Luckily it was near the end of the night. My husband gave me his hoodie and I just tied it around my waist.

Okay. So she's claiming the wetness of Splash Mountain affected the integrity of the pant. It might have been that, you know, you have to sit on that kind of seat. Do you have to sit on the seat? The bar? Is it like a bar seat?

Oh yeah, maybe. Yeah. Tightens the fabric. Could do. Court said the Snoop song, Drop It Like It's Hot, claimed three pairs of my pants at university. She dropped it too hot. Too hot.

I wasn't learning there. At a winery while I was doing a wine tasting, says Viv, I bent down, heard a split, and felt the breeze on my tush. You don't want to feel a breeze on the tush. The cold breeze on the tush. It don't want to feel a breeze on the tush. The cold breeze on the tush. It's when you can feel the cold breeze, you know you've really penetrated the scene. Yeah, more than just a hole, you've created a split there.

My son split his pants at the school gala. He wasn't wearing undies, so he popped a squat, the pants ripped and his balls hung out. Oh, no. At the school gala. He wasn't wearing undies. So he popped the squat, the pants ripped and his balls hung out. Oh no. At the school gala. Oh dear. Cassie, when did you split your pants? Hiya. Well, it wasn't

me. It was at one of my friend's weddings. It was the groom who split his pants. No. Did he just bend down or sit down or something? Well, he's a bit of a party guy. He loves, you know, being on the dance floor and all of that. And I think he jumped into the splits.

In a suit pant? No. Not enough stretch. You've got to be in active wear for a split. Exactly. And then, yeah, they pretty much split fully in half. Oh, for God's sake. It didn't stop the mood, though, and he kind of kept dancing the night away

and didn't stop anything that was more edgy than anything. Was the bride okay with this, or was she a bit like, you've ruined our special day? She didn't really mind that night, and then the next morning kind of got a message from her saying, these are probably the most expensive pants I've ever bought, and now can never be worn again. Yeah. There's nothing worse than when someone's showing off, and then they split their pants

and you're like, oh, shame. Ah, Cassie, thanks. You're cool. Ali, when did you split your pants? Um, I was on a date with a guy from Tinder And he suggested we go dirt bike riding Dirt bike riding Yeah So it was our second date

And I thought why not I was only 17 So I was still quite adventurous And I had never ridden one before So I got on He he showed me the clutch, the throttle and like the brake and let me go. First time I fall off and I'm fine.

But I'm like, no, I'm, you know, I'll get back on. I'll do it again. I want to try it. I get about 10 meters. I wipe off, like fully fly off and like, kind of crushed by the bike. Oh, Jesus. Cold, cold. Great.

Great time for a date. And he, like, rushed over and was like, oh, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, fine. No, I'm totally fine. And I feel really cold, like, oh, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, fine, no, I'm totally fine. And I feel really cold, like on my leg. And I look down and I've split my jeans from my knees right up the front and back. Jesus. How are you?

Wait, so is your crotch revealed? Yep. Yeah. I mean, that's one way to get there. And on a second day. On a second day. Is your crotch revealed? Yep. Yeah. I mean, that's one way to get there. And on a second date. On a second date. Goodness me, you really rushed into that. Yeah, really.

Diving on in there. Ali, thanks for your call. A couple of messages to finish. While at work, I'm a nurse, I squatted down to do bloods on my patient and heard a tear and then felt an instant cooling breeze on the entire crotch area. And that was the end of those pants. Lots of weddings.

This is the thing. People are putting too much stress on a formal pants scene. I always will do this because you'll put on your pants from last time and they don't fit the same. No, no. Constantly getting bigger. I don't want to buy new pants. It's one day. What can go wrong?

Someone messaged, now not a pants split, so forgive me for putting this in here, but they were at a wedding wearing a dress that was buttoned up from the bottom to the top. Then Surfing USA came on and they jumped wide like they're on a surfboard and every single button popped. But the top. Everybody's going surfing.

It works. Everybody's got one, sir. It works. It's so good. Whopping survey. I'm going to say it's a whopping survey. Ask people what they find to be the most common stresses in their life. The little things that make your day just a little bit worse. And they've compiled it into a list of 10, the top 10 daily stressors. Okay.

Some of these grind my gears. Number 10 was being subjected to a nearby stranger's speakerphone conversation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What about that guy that was sitting beside us in the cafe that was having a back and forth voice notes?

So much so, it would have been so much easier for him to call the person because he was obnoxiously recording them loudly in the cafe, sending the voice note,

then it'd get sent back, he'd listen to it, then it, that happens more than once. Yeah. Pick up the phone and call them. I love a voice memo though. Number nine, forgetting an umbrella during a downp once. Yeah. Pick up the phone and call them. I love a voice memo though.

Number nine, forgetting an umbrella during a downpour. Yeah. Just run. Just run. Eight, was discovering an empty fridge at dinner time. I hate when I'm hungry and I look in the fridge and there's literally nothing I can eat without having to put in a lot of work.

Right. This is why I have a big jar of pickles. Yeah, we have pickles. Our pickles yesterday I went to grab the pickles and they were finished but the juice was still in there. Someone finished the pickles and put the juice back in there. Aaron puts the juice back. I've got a backup

jar of pickles in the cupboard. Yeah, but they're not refrigerated. They're not refrigerated but they're still alright. Dill pickles? No, they're those sweet and sour ones that are... Are they sliced or whole? Sliced. Oh, we always go whole. I like to slice my own.

They're always snacks, always pickles, really. Yeah. Well, I always like ham, but then I watched a video on how ham's made. Turns out of pigs. I saw that video. Was that online over the weekend? It's like, people are shocked how ham's made,

and I'm like, I don't want to watch that. I love sliced ham. I love ham. Yeah. I love wrapping a pickle in ham. I think people are shocked how ham's made. And I'm like, I don't want to watch that. I love sliced ham. I love ham. Yeah. I love wrapping a pickle in ham. I think people are surprised that it's moosed and mooly together. It's a moosed and mooly. Oh, yeah, if it's not champagne ham, it's like a moosed up, reset, then shaved.

Nobody wants to know how the dog roll's made, you know? Yeah, we don't need to see that. How the chub's made. The saying is you don't want to know how the dog roll was made, you know? Yeah, we don't need to see that. How the chub was made. The saying is you don't want to know how the sausage is made. The dog roll. Absolutely no one wants to know how the dog roll was made. It's moolied. It's all moolied up.

Yeah. Number seven was stubbing your toe. Hate that. So these are the biggest. Top ten daily stresses. Yeah. Little things. You can only blame yourself for stubbing your toes.

Exactly. You're only clumsiness. Six, having drying laundry drenched by unexpected rain. Yeah The little things You can only blame yourself For stubbing your toes Exactly You're only clumsiness Six Having drying laundry Drenched by unexpected rain Quick get the washing Off the line That's

Oh my gosh Charlotte went to the supermarket She said if it starts to rain Get that washing in will ya Now I was going outside And I looked at the washing And I looked at the clouds And I was like

I'm not taking any chances And I put it inside And then walk walk walk walk Downpour Good boy That's why you're a good husband Yeah I saw it coming, baby.

Cleaning the home is number five. Only to have it upended by kids or a partner soon after. Just clean this. Can you not see? Number four, experiencing car trouble. Number three, trailing behind a slow walking person. Oh, this is my number one.

My number one. Especially when there's two or three people on a footpath taking up the entire footpath. Oh my god, when friends are walking together and they're in a rank? I nearly effed. I nearly effed. It's a stressor. Life's too short.

Don't you have somewhere to be? This is why when we walk together, we're fast walkers, it's great. Sprinting. We're essentially sprinting. The top two, two was essential home appliances malfunctioning. To me, not as bad as a slow walker. Nah, neither. What about furthermore to the slow walker, what about someone that just stops in the middle of a...

Oh, my God. I want to push them. I want to push them. Absolutely unaware of their surroundings. Yeah. Yeah. I give them a little... They're just like, oh, I'm in the middle of the supermarket aisle.

Stop. With my trolley sideways. Yes. Hmm. I give them a little... They're just like, I'm in the middle of the supermarket aisle. Stop. With my trolley sideways. Yes. Number one was being caught in traffic. Now, I hate that, but I just avoided it at all costs. I think the slow walker is, yeah, for me,

that's number one. It's number three on this list, but it's my number one. Move. Get out of the way. If you're walking, you are already privileged to have two working legs.

Use them or lose them. Boy, are you going to cut someone's legs? Yeah, man, I'm going to cut them straight off. Sword attack them. 25 minutes away from eight. I had a little bit of a talk about frustrations. Had a weird frustration at the weekend. Okay.

With a brand new item. Oh. And you know what? I'm telling people the story. No one seems to believe me. Yeah, I'm fine. I've cocked it up somehow, but I haven't. Oh. And you know what? I'm telling people the story. No one seems to believe me. Yeah. Everyone thinks I've cocked it up somehow, but I haven't. Okay. I'll tell you what happened next. Dua Lipa

Dance Tonight, ZM. Can I tell you something about this song next too? Deal. Yes. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I told you I had something to say about that song. Give it to me. Ariana Grande has released a version. Has she?

Here we go. She could totally have done this with a movie. It's not mixed very well. Ariana sounds like she's moaning. Listen to the chorus there. Watch me. Yeah, tutu voice. Jokes on you.

Jokes on you. You've been punked. It's me. The punk king. The punk king. Where's Ashton? The punk king. The pumpkin. You're a pumpkin. We're all You've been punked It's me The punk king The punk king Where's Ashton The punk king The pumpkin

You're a pumpkin We're all about to be punked That's AI What Listen Oh my god I just got a little It's AI

That's why it's mixed so badly Yeah cause you can hear The vocals are too clear The vocals were clear Weren't they Yeah Too much That's incredible though

Nuts Oh they don't need Oh my god Imagine finding out Youuts. Oh, they don't need it. Oh my god, imagine finding out you don't need to... They don't need her to sing anymore. They just get the computer to do it. What? They're gonna realise they don't need radio announcers. Are they? Shut your mouth. Good luck replicating this talent.

Good luck coming up with these sick gags. Good luck to you, artificial intelligence. That's crazy, though. Maybe I'll start impersonating artificial intelligence. But that means we're... I will also do this. I mean, are you thinking about all the bands

that are going to be able to resurrect with hit songs? Well, no, they have. They did The Beatles. Oh, yeah, Nirvana and The Beatles. Didn't they do some Beatles recently? They were like, oh, we had these songs that John Lennon refused to record them. Well, jokes on John Lennon.

He would do this. I'm Ringo, and I'm going to sing Purple Submarine. Don't know. But anyway, there you go. Wow, that's crazy. That's what I learned. Another thing I learned

at the weekend. My dawdles, my dawdles? Your dawdles. My dawdles. My daughter turtles were making candles at the weekend.

Yeah. They're re-dipping. Should I stop this? Slightly distracting. Can you provide a nondescript musical background? Can you provide us a little jingle? Absolutely. I can do that.

Can we listen to it? I couldn't concentrate. Give it to us. Absolutely. Yeah, that's all the vibe. They were cranking out some candles at the weekend, and we got them. Sade ordered these new pouring jugs

with a long spout for an easy pour. Yeah. Now. Because what do you, you melt the wax. You melt the wax. You buy all the glass jars. Yeah, they've got this little thing, these neat little ones that can do like three candles at a time,

but then we're like, we want to really get into it, so we hired this boog wax melter that could hold like 15 litres of wax. Watch out, Akoya. Yeah, watch out. We're coming. Wow. Akoya must be shaking in their boots. Yeah, so you melt the wax. They showed me how to do it at the weekend. You melt the wax, then

you take it out and you stir in the fragrance. Then do not pour until it cools down. It goes to 80 degrees. It's got to cool down to about 62. Then do not pour until it cools down. It goes to 80 degrees. It's got to cool down to about 62. Then you pour it into jars that have come out of the oven that are warm. Right.

But not hot. Because you want to split them. Yeah, with wicks in it. Yeah. And you hold the wicks up with the thing. And then you pour it in. Then you just leave it for 24 hours. It's got to settle.

It's got to set. It's got to set. So we started out with the new jugs. And we worked out one full jug with the fragrance, one litre. Yep. Split between three candles would be perfect. Oh, yeah.

Okay. 333 mils repeating. Yeah. Now, the first two candles were poured and then the third one was lower. And I was like, you've put too much into that one. They're like, no, that's how much we put in the... So anyway, everybody's just like, what's going on? Where have we gone wrong?

Breaking it down, breaking it, breaking it down. And I'm finally like, it's the jug. So I put the jug on some scales. Now this blew my children's mind and my wife's mind. I put the jug on the scales and I... You hit zero, you hit it on. Yeah, and I filled it up to 1,000 mils. Yeah. One litre. Yeah, and I filled it up to 1,000 mils.

Yeah. One litre. Yeah. And it only weighed 900 grams. And I said, it's mislabeled. Yeah. It's wrong. This says that it's holding a litre.

It's only holding 900. That's a betrayal. That's a tenth out. Yeah. That's a tenth out. Because it's the same, isn't it? Litres and the weight. So one kg of water is one litre of water Yes

That's the great way to work it out Look I'm not going to pretend I didn't know that And find that out in my adult years because I did Did you know that? I didn't know It blew my mind when I found it out I think I remember learning it at school But now you've seen it

I think I was sick of that when we did it back at school I didn't done it You didn't done that homework? I didn't do it. Yeah, I've seen it. You didn't do that homework. Yeah, okay. Oh, you missed out. Yeah, I said, these jugs are mislabeled. And she didn't know this.

I'm livid. Right. I mean, they were very, very cheap plastic jugs. But still, regardless of price, you expect a one litre jug to be one litre, not 900. That's a 10,000. If I was making meth, all I'm saying is if I was making meth, that is a crucial difference. You could be killing people.

Or you'd get killed. If I'm buying meth off you and I'm a 10th short, I'm upset. You're probably going to go, I'm going to whack you. I'm going to get them whacked. The ratio's out so it makes it highly volatile and it explodes and it kills me. More volatile. Actually, that might be why there are so many makes it highly volatile, and it explodes and it kills me. More volatile. Actually, that might be why there are so many meth lab explosions.

They're using the cheap plastic jugs. Cheap plastic jugs. So hang on, if I invest my hard-earned money into buying one of your daughter's candles, am I getting 330 mils? Who's getting that? You are, because Shadae, that's what I was like, no one's going to know.

Shadae's like, she's like, no, this is not the... Oh, good quality control. Yeah, quality control there. Good, good, yeah. Because I don't want to be ripped off. Otherwise, I'll just keep going to a coyer. I could do you a deal. I'll knock a couple of bucks off for the short candle.

No, I would rather more longevity with my candle. Longevity in the candles. Yeah. Okay. So where did these jugs come from? From the candle making place. Oh, my gosh. I don't think they know what they-

I'm going back to them, returning the giant melter. Oh, you're not going to say. Are you going to say something? Oh no, I simply have to. Okay. Because I don't think they know and unless you tell them how they're supposed to know.

Yeah. They should send, they'll be sending them back to the manufacturer for a full refund. Yeah, exactly. And Shadow's like, well, I'm chucking them

into recycling. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Those would be great for pouring oil. So now they're a garage jug. Oh, right. You could have a garage.

You've got to use a Pyrex. But you have to. Your Pyrex would never happen on the Pyrex time. Pyrex doesn't have a good pouring spout for this because we've got a Pyrex and I've tried it, but it's a fat dribbler. Yeah, it's a fat dribbler. It is a fat dribbler.

It is, yeah. And when you're doing a slow pour, it runs back down the Pyrex. Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. It doesn't have a long pointy pour. You've got to tip it a slow pour, it runs back down the Pyrex. Yep. Oh, yeah. It does. It doesn't have a long pointy pour. You've got to tip it more. Yeah, but then the candle pour I've learned is a slow pour.

Right. Wait, are your kids doing anything? Yeah, see, this is my issue. This is my issue actually with the candle business. Mum and dad are using kids as a front. You uploaded a video of the kids watching the pot, and I saw your reflection in the wax. Which means that you're actually melting that. Yeah because they're

not like time lapse nerds. I was like how's it going? I think Gordon and Sade are making these candles and selling them off to be oh look cute. The girls are making candles. You think I would be bothered with that? I think you're money hungry and it's gone

to you. My big job was lifting the heavy bag of wax. Because this thing was so bloody tall, no one else could get it up. Right. See, again, that's something else the kids haven't done. I charge them. I question what they are even adding to this business. They're not getting my help for nothing. I lift a bag, that's $100.

Interesting. So they've got no idea what lifting costs. So you're an employee now. $100. Are you going to pay tax? Secondary income? Oh no, I'm embezzling. They don't even know they're paying me.

A little off the top. Going to bring us some candles? Well, not after you've just outed me for embezzling. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. We thought we'd solved it, hadn't we? The environment, the planet, the turtles. We were like, let's get rid of plastic straws. That'll do it.

That, plastic bags, dun, dun, dun, tick, tick, tick. Tick, tick, tick. Bring your systema to the Chinese takeout. Yeah. Tick, tick, tick. Done. Tick, tick, tick. Tin water bottles.

Tick, tick, tick. Tick, tick, tick. Wash your plastics. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Tick, tick. Hang on. The earth's still on fire? What?

And then we had paper straws, which I detest. I know. They're the worst. Oh, my God. Those sugar cane ones are the best. I know, but the texture's so weird. I squeezed it. You squeezed it and it broke.

And then you wanted to squeeze the next one. You got two. And I tried to bite it because of sugar cane. I was like, yum, what a little delicious treat after my coffee. Yeah, they don't work. It's a byproduct. They don't work when you squeeze them. No.

So apparently paper straws, which have been the go-to replacement for plastic straws, which were banned years ago in the UK, 2020, I think, they banned them. Have we banned ours officially? Yeah, I wonder that. I think it's just kind of a move away. Right. From a lot of places.

Well, apparently plastic paper straws contain forever chemicals called PFAs, perfluorotonic acid. Okay. PFAs. And it's a substance that is added to eco-friendly straws to help them be more water repellent. Because if you actually just rolled up a piece of paper, it would disintegrate. I reckon you'd get one go.

You'd get one hoon. You'd have to really give it everything you've got. Whereas straws, they do have a little coating of this stuff that is incredibly toxic, not only to us as we're sipping from them, but for the environment. Oh, man. It'd take absolutely years. So what are we going to do then? What do we do? Just lip it. You have to lip it.

Thousands of years they'll last in the environment, these chemicals. Oh wow, okay. So while we're like, oh the straw's disintegrated, the chemicals they've left behind. The chemicals in the paper straw will last thousands of years, but the paper straw itself lasts not even one drink. Yeah, literally. Literally, like, cannot be, you've got to quickly that's why I keep getting so drunk. will last thousands of years, but the paper straw itself lasts not even one drink. Yeah.

Literally. Literally, like, cannot be. You've got to quickly. That's why I keep getting so drunk. You know, you get a cocktail and they've got a little paper straw in there and you're just trying to drink it as fast as possible before it disintegrates. No, it's the booze mixing with the PF.

No, no, it's the straw. The straw's the issue. So, yeah, they're saying there's just nothing we can do about it, basically. There is no good alternative. Other than just lip, drink out of the... Steel. Steel.

Oh yeah, yeah. Because they even had these in glass straws. They tested paper straws, glass straws, plastic straws and steel straws. Steel straws had none of these. But the steel straws get really cold if you've got lots of ice. Just get a little bit of piping You know, from your house But what about a bit of butane piping?

Yeah Like plastic, PVC Yeah No, that can't be good either No, I don't reckon Too big as well Just lip it You've got to lip it

Or just BYO steel straws Steelys I know a few people do that Just have some in their handbag I've got some I don't take them out with me though Plastic is so good to drink from do that. Just have some in there like handbag. I've got some. I don't take them out with me though. Plastic is so good to drink from.

We don't say that out loud. I know, but we're all thinking it. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM. Taylor Swift, You Need to Calm Down. That's today's 8 o'clock song that you need to remember if you

want to win those tickets. The next song coming up with Georgia o'clock song that you need to remember if you want to win those tickets. The next song coming up with Georgia at midday. So you need to calm down and you need to remember the name of that song. And you need to remember it, yes. And you need to listen to me because I'm going to tell you a story about a mother. Now, I kind of, reading this article, it's made sense in my head why she feels this way. This woman is 33 years old.

She's got a 15-year year old son. So she was 18 when she had him. So a young mum. And she says she is absolutely adamant she doesn't want a teenager to have to work before he leaves the house. Get a job, earn any money, in any way. She's like, he can work

his whole life and I can fund him now. All I want him to do is just enjoy his childhood and just play and have fun and freedom and I'll pay for it. I'm happy to and I want him to make the most of that before he leaves. I think that too.

And then my kids have been on an iPad for four hours that day. They please leave the house. You are absolutely frittering away the day. Yeah. Get off that and go do something. She says, I think it's insane to tell a small child who's 14 or 15 to go out into the world and get a job for experience as if they're not going to get that experience their whole life.

So why push it now? I mean, you're right. She does make good points, but also get rid of them. But it also teaches them the value of money. Totally. Like you work, you get money, you pay a bit of tax, you get that money, now you've got that money. Yeah.

Do with it what you will. But she's been wearing it online for saying this. Oh, my God. Everyone's like, no, yeah, it's a really valuable thing to teach people that they work and they get, you know, and have good work ethics and work hard and get paid for the... Yeah. I think you've got to have that crappy first job.

Like you say, you've got to learn about the monies and the tax. Oh my God, yeah. I mean, I got a paper run when I was 12, 11 or 12. Yeah, I did a paper run too. Circulars, junk mail. Oh no, I did the evening post. Oh, okay.

I did the evening post. So she was delivering journalism and you were delivering to boxes that didn't say no junk mail. Yes. No, but you were also delivering to the boxes. I didn't know. I delivered journalism as well. I did the daily news.

And man, that was early because you did the evening post. That's after school. Yeah, after school. Those are the cushy hours. You did the morning. I did the had to get up early. Yeah.

How long did you last do that? Not long. Right. Not long. Before school. I remember those kids that used to do the New Zealand Herald delivery and they were always tired at the end of school. Oh my god, stuff that. But they always had like skateboards and stuff.

I did that and then when I was, I think, oh and then I worked for my dad in the school holidays. Yeah but that was a Nepo job. That was a NepEPO job. That was a NEPO baby job. Data entry and filing and whatnot. He paid me $10 an hour.

Cash. Cash. Really? Oh, that was cash. That wasn't going through the books, was it? Absolutely not. My granddad used to pay us cash. He's passed away now, but I don't want the IRD going after a dead man. Can the IRD go after a dead man?

I don't know if the IRD can go after a dead man. It might not be worth their time, I don't think. No, I don't think so. Just for paying his grandkids $5. I think we should take some calls on what was your first job. Your crappy first job. Your crappy first job. Because all of us, I mean, sure, she doesn't want her son to work,

but my parents want you have to. To be fair, I didn't contribute to the household. The money I earned was mine. And I saved it because I went to England, you know, and I was like, oh, I've got $1,000. I've got to go to H&M, buy myself a shirt with my hard-earned money. Are we talking about you have to have been paid for it? Oh, because you would have done a lot of farm jobs, eh?

Yeah. No, that doesn't count. Mum and Dad never paid us, but like our grandparents used to pay us if we did farm stuff. And I was going to say, I remember as a kid, because you were small at the shearing shed, you'd go down the slide that they put the shorn sheep down, and it would always be really slidy wood because it had lanolin

on it, and you'd go wee underneath until where all the poos was. Oh, yeah. And you'd have spades, and you'd dig out all the poos, and you'd chuck it on Nan where all the poos was. Oh yeah. And you'd have spades and you'd dig out all the poos and you'd chuck it on Nan's roses. And you didn't get paid to do this?

No, no, we got paid to do that. That's what I think I can remember being the earliest thing we got paid for. Right. Wow.

And they'd give you ten bucks cash and you'd be ten bucks. Yeah, yeah. An hour though, eh? No. A day.

Until it was done. Oh my God, that's ridiculous. But you got lollies too. Oh okay, that's alright. So many lollies. I would have spent But you got lollies too. Oh, okay, that's all right. So many lollies. I would have spent my pay on lollies anyway. Same, yeah.

So we're just going straight to the lollies. All right, well, let's take your calls. 0800 dials at Amazon number. You can message through 9696. Text us. What was your crappy first job? Yeah, what was the pay rate too? Yes.

Yeah, bonus if it was like a low rate for the whole day. $3 a week or something. Yeah, yeah was the pay rate too? Yes. Yeah, bonus if it was like a low rate for the whole day. $3 a week or something. Yeah, yeah, or free. We are sharing our crappy first jobs that we had because there's a woman online who's being eaten alive because she said she never wants her son to have to lift a finger and work a day before he leaves the house. Because why should he?

It's a controversial opinion, but we're not talking about the controversial opinion. We're talking about your first little jobs. Yeah. You need little jobs. They are little jobs, eh? Not very little jobs. Not hugely responsible.

Zoe, what was your first crappy job? I don't know. When I was eight, I lived in a small town, and my mum used to bake muffins for me on Saturday mornings. And then she'd drop me off downtown, and I would go and sell muffins to all the store owners for like $2.50 each. And I'd probably make like 50 bucks. And so that would be my pocket money for the week.

Wait, did you – so your mum made the muffins? Yeah, yeah. And she would take the money for like the ingredients, but she would let me have the rest of it. Getting you out of her hair as well. Yeah. You do your maths, don't you? You're not getting ripped off $2.50.

So then, you know, the coins, you'd have to give them change if they popped you a five. Yeah, wow. Yeah, we'd go like right at 10.30, right on morning tea, warm muffins, like hope and resist. Now, what kind of muffins are we talking? Are we talking banana choc chip? Blueberry. Blueberry? Yeah, it was a mixture.

It changed every week, so, you know, I don't want one of these muffins. Were they good muffins? Yeah. Yeah, they're best. Oh, damn. Well, now, can I have a muffin? What are you hankering for? A white chocolate and raspberry? Yeah, that's a good mix. That's a good muffin. You get a little toasty white chocolate in there. Whatever it is, it needs a gooey centre. It has to be gooey. Yes, it has to be gooey. Gooey centre. And, like's a good mix. That's a good mouthful. You get a little toasty white chocolate in there. Whatever it is, it needs a gooey centre.

It has to be gooey. It has to be gooey. Gooey centre. And like a drizzle. Not an icing, but a drizzle. No, no, no. Icing sugar on top. Thank you, Zoe.

Some more messages in. You're a crappy first job. I delivered the Waikato Times to Raglan six days a week for $18 a week. $18 a week? That's pretty good. $3 a day to deliver the paper. Yeah, I think my leg was a couple of bucks a day. It would have to be early 90s.

Lots of hills in Raglan though, so kept pretty fit. And a nice old lady on a Saturday always waited for me and gave me a Snickers bar going up a hill. Oh, Marjorie. That was nice, wasn't it? You think she's still around? I picked up all dad's durry butts for five bucks. Durry butts!

I don't know if that's... Yuck. Pick them up so Dad can get all the little backies and make himself a super six. Ew, no! Or Mum just hit the roof about so Dad would smoke them and drop them and then you'd have to pick them up. Either way, nasty.

It always gets on your fingers, doesn't it? Nasty. I was an errand girl in the office at a food processing factory. I had to do files, make people's coffees, clean up after, before and after meetings, help with typos and drafts. This is too much responsibility for a child to be spying typos. Yeah.

I used to do it for four or five hours, four times a week. I was there till late and got paid $5 an hour to do it. What is that like? God, it sounds like slave labour. Was that minimum wage back in the day? Yeah. Yeah. My first job was cleaning the local BNZ at night.

Think about how crazy that was in a small town. There was a 14-year-old rocking around with keys to the bank. Oh, my God. They wouldn't have had, had like the greatest safe either. Nah, it's probably just one of those wee ones that you spin a certain amount of times that it can clink and it opens itself. Wow. Can there be like a Rogue 20 just lying

on the floor that someone dropped as well? Probably. Yeah, probably. Probably write myself a few withdrawal slips. Yes. At 14, I started washing dishes at our restaurant for $6 an hour. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good.

Six bucks an hour. Mum was a single parent who owned a cafe when we were young. So every school holidays from the age of 12, we were in there doing dishes all day. Payment was a feed cooked by the chef, so that was pretty good. Payment was the house you live in. Yeah. A roof over your bloody head.

Your kids have got no idea how good you've got it. Worked at a deli for 68 hour. Hey, this is good. This is bloody smart here. Where is this? First job is doing my brother's paper route. Yeah. Because I used to make my mum do mine for free.

Doing my brother's paper route. Thought it was great. Seven bucks a week. Wasn't until I was 12 when I took it over properly and I found out it was $14 a week. He'd outsourced me. Of course he was. Of course he was. That's incredible. Oh wow. He subcontracted. That's amazing.

Let's get that. Dean, good morning. Good morning. So this was you. Yeah. I thought it was pretty good. He's smart, your brother. That's get that. Dean, good morning. Good morning. So this was you. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was pretty good. He's smart, your brother. That's really good. He's making as much as you are and doing nothing. Is he in prison for tax evasion now or is he just paying it off?

I don't know. I was happy. He was happy. Yeah, right. Okay. But what does he do now? He's a builder. I bet he's still cutting corners

Yeah, he'll be ripping someone off I'll tell you this He will be ripping someone off Charging out an apprentice At 60 bucks an hour How dare he? Thanks, Dean Someone said

We had to clean out the pigsty That was the first Oh, yuck That wouldn't have been We had a concrete pigsty So you could spray it all down With a hose You were basically

Just getting paid To play with a hose. Year 2001, my first job was in a pharmacy for $5 an hour. Now, it was great as a Big Mac combo was $5. So one of your hours, that's paid for your lunch. Those are your glory days. Yeah, those are the glory days. Those are glory days.

Can we ask the show sponsor to bring back the $5 Big Mac combo? I don't know if in this environment that's even possible. Yeah, yeah. God, lots of people. Somebody just said, we just took it upon ourselves. We borrowed money off mum and dad to buy a bulk, massive box of lollies. And then we sold the bags. We just went door to door, literally walking around the neighbourhood.

Do you want to buy a bag of lollies? They're drop shipping. They're pretty fingered, all those lollies too. Oh yeah. I hope they're not some tongs. I yuck because they'll be licking their fingers too. Fingering the gummies. Oh no. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do God, that was peppy. I've been slightly distracted while reading the fact of the day because on the side was like a silly ad. You know how they've got those real click-baity ads?

Like this one says, Woman finds strange kitten. Vet bursts into tears After seeing it's not a kitten Oh my god I want to see And then there's a picture Of something

And you're like So I The one that I didn't click on it But it cracked me up One teaspoon every night Burns body fat Like never before

You'll fit your pants again Oh my god And it's a woman With an absolutely shredded Midsection But the funny one This headline says Harry Potter actress

amazes fan what she looks like after 20 years. And there's a picture of Dobby the house elf. And then a blurred photo of Emma Watson next to it. Like Dobby turned into Emma Watson. I'm not even sure what they're trying to get me to click for anymore. It's fantastic.

It's insane. But this isn't the Daily Mail. It's the Daily Star that has this story. Okay. This was sent to me. Now, I do want to give credit to the person who sent it to me, but Rhys. Rhys, okay. Rhys sent this in.

He's like, this is an interesting fact of the day. And it's the story behind a baseball team that was made up entirely of men on death row. They were called the Death Row All-Stars. Oh, yeah. The Wyoming State Prison Death Row All-Stars. And these men had committed a whole lot of very heinous crimes, but they were all very good at baseball. So as long as they kept winning,

they wouldn't be put to death effectively. Wow. Wow. Wow. They played once, they thrashed this team. They won 11-1 over a Wyoming supply company juniors, which was one of the strongest teams in the area at that time. Now the

killers, the death row, all stars, they beat them 11-1. And everyone's like, what a spectacle. And then the guy who's in charge, I'm imagining it's like the Green Mile. There's the guy, or the Shawshank Redemption. The man, what do they call the guy in charge of the prison?

The warden. I was about to say maiden. The warden's like, I've got a deal for you. You're a bunch of bad guys on death row but keep winning and making my prison the star of the baseball team and you're not going to get the lucky chair. That's a good character for you. You're a bunch of bank guys on death row but keep winning and making my prison the star of the baseball team and you're not going to get the lucky chair. That's a good character for you.

Yeah. It's kind of like a Do you go to drama school as well? He used to be. Nah, I just thought of that one. Do you have a degree from Toi Fakari New Zealand Drama School? No, I don't. But here's me being a pancake. Oh my god! Wow. I've finally seen it with my own eyes.

A man being a pancake. Anyway, one of the players had a bad game, and whilst the warden or person in charge said it absolutely had nothing to do with that, his time had come. Wait till he electrocuted him. He was put to death. Oh.

And then they replaced him with a recent, because this is the other thing. These men had special gubernatorial dispensation to travel because they weren't playing in the prison all the time. Under heavy guard, obviously. But then they got a new person on the death row who apparently was quite the pitcher. Wow. So they need to make room for him on the team.

Yeah. And one of the weakest links, gone. In the chair, in the chair. Imagine going up against them Yeah Unlike when you're in the All Blacks have a bad game And they drop you They actually

Put you to death They literally drop you They're playing for Literally the saying is Go out there and play for your lives Like your lives depend on it Yeah They quite literally did

Wow So today's fact of the day In the early 1900s There was a baseball team Made up of death row inmates That would have their executions delayed if they kept winning their games. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. But someone's texted in saying, I'm a kid with the flu and I woke up late and started throwing up, so I missed the first song. I don't suppose you could let me know what it was? I'd completely understand if not. That is so cute.

I'm sorry you've got a flu. But no! No! Can I say it? You must be listening at 8 o'clock. You can message that kid back. Yeah, I think you should. No, actually, let's run some checks and balances on that first.

Let's see if that is a kid. We might be being paid for the damn fool. Oh, yeah, no. See, I asked for a photo of the bomb. It said here, text history. Hmm. Now, look. Actually, on the 28th of July 2023 that person texted in and said

very insensitive. You're all too simple minded to understand I've listened for years and I'm disgusted. So no. I'm literally deleting the message I was sending back. And I hope your flu lasts numerous days. That doesn't sound like a kid.

That's not a kid. And then you know what they said the month before. your flu lasts numerous days. That doesn't sound like a kid. That doesn't sound like a kid. That's not a kid. That doesn't sound like a kid. And then, you know what they said the month before, turn ZM on and then turn ZM off. Who are these people? Negative Nellies.

Guess what? You don't get the eight o'clock sun. Wow. Every now and then it's nice and trippy. It's triple power. It is addictive stuff.

We're not simple minded. And we're very mature. I can see why they will become authoritarian addicts. Oh, yeah. Look how maturely we've handled this situation. Drunk with power. Now, YouTube have announced a new thing that they're launching. Yeah. Which is like a step up from Shazam.

Because you're going to be able to hum a song and it's going to be able to identify what song you're humming. Because, you know, sometimes you're like, oh, what's that song? And you can't remember the words and you're like, it goes, because Shazam only works if you're listening to the song at the time. Yeah. And this is something we have experienced working in radio forever. People that ring up and they're like, guys, what's that song?

And it goes. Oh, my God. My favourite is when people do it on Reddit and they're like, what's the song that goes da da da da da da da da da da da and someone's like, it's Darude Sandstorm. You know, they can pick it from where they're doing it. I don't know how people do that.

Because that's not even musically, that's not even telling you the tempo or anything. Well, the rhythm. But sometimes if you write it, if you write it just right. Yeah. So is someone going to be working at YouTube

responsible for this being like, No, it's AI algorithm, right? Wow. But you have to be a decent hummer. You can't be my wife playing a game of cranium. Yeah. You can't halfway through be like, I give up.

And they get more intense and they're like, You're like, it's not. Just relax. Yeah, just's not good at that. And they get more intense and they're like... You're like, it's not... Just relax. Yeah, just hum the song. And what is the rules? We've had this argument. What is the rules re-humming with your mouth open?

That's singing. Someone took a huge umbrance with the fact that someone was humming with their mouth open. That's mouth open. Because that's humming with the mouth open. What's the song I was singing? Okay, so what you're doing is I'm humming to you and you're just open mouth humming it back. What's it called?

Humming is only to utter a continuous sound or there's no definition of mouth open or closed that I can find just after a quick 10 second goop. Here's another one, ready? I've not put smoke on the water. This is one of the greatest pop songs of all time. That's what I've Googled. Shake it. Your loving is all I think about.

I just can't get you out of my head. Can't get you out of my head. You got it, smart boy. Okay. Oh, I was about to do a Michael Jackson. Can't do that. Fatelessly. Okay, here's one.

I am a... Hollaback Girl with Stefani. I don't know if we can do that either. Yeah, see, that's a contentious album. We weren't wearing the... Harajaku outfits. Yeah, I was. Yeah, we can't have that. I was see, that's cancer. We weren't wearing the... Harajuku outfits. Yeah, I was. Yeah, we can't have that.

I was. Bury the photos. Okay. Go another one. Shakira, wherever, whenever. Yeah. See, you can get a job at YouTube. Only for Shakira songs.

Okay. Go again, go again. You know I love my tax-avoiding mummy. Yeah. Farska. Which version? The new one. No, Tracy Chapman.

Oh. That wasn't deep enough for Tracy Chapman. Okay. Go again, go again, go again. Mariah Carey Oh, Celine Dion Oh, Winnie Houston That was way more in your body language You were quite like holding yourself up like that

Okay Oh, Hollaback Girl No, she did Hollaback Girl Okay. Oh, Hollaback Girl. No, we already did Hollaback Girl. We should go back to Hollaback Girl. It sounds like Hollaback Girl. I wouldn't do two. Okay, go. Missy Elliott.

It's your favorite definition. Yeah, boy. See, I threw you there with a bit of hip hop. You're pretty good at that. Thank you. You could be Google's new AI, YouTube's new AI. Oh, my God, I threw you there with a bit of hip hop. You're pretty good at that. Thank you. You could be Google's new AI, YouTube's new AI. Oh my God, I might leave. No, no, no, no, because people are humming to the AI

and the AI's giving them the answer. The AI's not humming to you and you're guessing what it's humming. They should do that. No, but they should. That would be a fun game. No, you know what they should do? They should release everybody's hums as a compilation of lols. Yeah.

Because that would be funny to hear people. Can I give you another one? Yeah. Nickelback, look at that photograph. No, this is how you remind me. Never murder as a wise man. They all sound the same. Yeah.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Thousands of Brits were surveyed and they were asked, what time do you like to get to the airport before a flight? Now, this is international or domestic. What time's my flight? 12.10. What time do you think the most popular amount of time people want to arrive at the airport?

One hour before check-in shuts. Oh, no. Cutting it too fine. So you're saying you want to be at the airport one hour even for an international? Before check-in shuts. Oh, no. Cutting it too fine. So you're saying you want to be at the airport one hour, even for an international? Before check-in shuts. No. No, because if check-in shuts an hour and a half before,

or an hour before it takes off. You're two and a half. You get in there an hour before that. Let's imagine it's international. Okay. I'm flying to... I still don't want to be there for ages. I'm in three hours.

I'm going to be three hours. Wait, wait, wait. Sometimes I'll go earlier. I've revoked your lounge passes. Why? Because I think you... I'm going to arrive and walk onto the plane. You've both lost touch with the common man.

Well, look, it's a work perk. We will drink it till it's gone. And we will, absolutely. No, but I love airports, so I don't mind spending time in airports. I love it. You'll by yourself. I've got a family, I've got children.

Yeah, but you did that. I know I did that, and I'm just making some time adjustments for it. So research found that 34% of Brits arrive exactly on time with two hours to spare before their flight. Departure time, yeah. So are they

told two? Because we're always told three, right? Well, we're told 90 minutes is the international bag drop close, right? Is it 90 minutes? Okay, because domestic it's half an hour, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Half an hour for domestic, yeah. So that was the number one. 35% of people saying two hours before a flight.

15% would give themselves an extra half an hour, so there'd be two and a half hours. That was the second most popular time. And 22% saying that they'd give themselves three hours. Because I like to look at duty free. I never buy duty free. But I like to look. On the way out.

No, on the way in. Yeah, on the way to my destination. You never buy it. You never buy it on the way out. You only buy it on the way in. Unless it's a booze special. No, but when I'm in, the way out. Yeah, you're on the way to my destination. You never buy it. You never buy it on the way out. You only buy it on the way in. Unless it's a booze special. No, but when I'm in, when I land, I want to go home. You're saying I don't like...

I don't duty free. Oh, no, nip through the duty free. Nah, can't be bothered. The key is that you get the duty free on the way out and you order it and then they have it ready so you don't have to faff around. You just pay for it before you go and then it's there when you arrive.

Like a valet. Well, that's bougie. That's high end. Yeah, and then it's just ready so you don't have to faff around when you land because I'm the same as you. I land, I just want to go home.

Same, and I want to get through customs. I just want to get the hell out of there. I also find it's rude how many people have been to Europe lately and nobody has

bought me back a gift. Not a single person? No one bought back any duty free or... How's about this though? In this pile of stats, this is you, Vaughan, 9% giving themselves at the airport 90 minutes or less. That's so stressful to me.

The unexpected can happen. I hate rushing for a flight, having nearly missed a flight home from Australia. Like a month ago. I hate it. I hate it. I hate rushing. I hate feeling like... You hate Russians. Jesus. Way to make a stand there.

I stand for Ukraine. As we all do. There's a lot of Russian's involved. So when we go for a little Melbourne weekend in a month We're going straight from work Straight from work and our flight's at like

12 something Yeah we're going three hours Oh that's coming in fine Yeah but also the lounge passes the international Kuru lounge does cocktails and they're not bad

You're going to get banned from there Yeah they aren't bad actually I always like slam everyone down and be like alright let's give us another one

She's like don't speak to me like that I don't care to me like that. I don't care how famous you are. Get out of the lounge. Man, you'll be removed. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through,

you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work.