ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 28th July 2026

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

00.00: Intro 02.10: Commonwealth athletes undies? 08.40: SLP - Do you think about someone else during sex? 15.10: Marketplace is getting an app 18.22: Top 6 - Things people will drink now that special blend is going 22.00: Hayley's robot 26.00: Carwen's surprise 32.00: How naughty did the school trip get? 45.50: Ozempic is influncing our houses 49.35: Vaughan's RED CARD: Weirdest place you have seen a poo? 1.02.20: Fact of the day 1.06.30: Hayley is now a major influencer 1.10.40: Millenials & Gen Z are putting stuff off 1.14.10: Bad News Brad 1.23.05: How bad was the spology? 1.31.50: QLP - What is your ideal toilet paper ply? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

from the ZM Podcast Network. This is Fleshwon and Haley's Big Pod. Thanks to animates, making happy happen for pets. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleech Fawn and Haley. Two minutes past six, you would have heard Brad Olson, our economist friend, talking about TikTok and how much money it's pumping into the economy.

Correct. Or he's going to join us on the show today with more of these interesting stats. Really interesting stats. About TikTok. About TikTok. Yeah, and maybe also give you some tips, Haley. Because you're trying to become famous on TikTok.

I keep forgetting. Literally keep forgetting. You've got to start posting some content, Haley. Is that how TikTok works? They just want so much. They just want content. Did you prove that you're real on TikTok yet? I cancelled it, remember, and I've got a new account.

Oh, okay, yeah, right. Because the guy from TikTok's coming in, you could just ask him to do that for you. Oh, shit. Well, no, I've cancelled Haley Sprell NZ now. It's Haley Sprell Comedy, but I haven't posted anything. I haven't posted anything. Okay, well, you've kind of got a post to get famous.

It's so boring. Post some alone tickets on the show. Around 720 this morning, that's enough for the activated. First call her through, you get a double pass to see him live at his Auckland show in October. Silly little poll this soon. What a question today.

Well, I read a little article about a woman who separated from her ex, got with a new boyfriend, absolutely happy. but she's having trouble in the bedroom when it comes to completion and what helps her as thinking about her ex. Oh. So we're posing you the question do you think about other people

during adult fun times? Those poll results are coming up very soon. I'd imagine those anonymous poll results and feedback. Do you reckon the names have been removed? I reckon that people would say they take my name out of it. Yeah. Next on the show though, we turn our attention to the Commonwealth games, the mini Commonwealth games, which you're on at the moment.

A smaller version, smaller village, because I had to move from Australia to Scotland. And something else that the athletes have had to accommodate for as well, given the downsizing. The ZRAM Podcast Network. 410th Commonwealth Games are currently on in Scotland, celebrating the colonisation of many countries under the British Empire. Just a moment to look back and celebrate. All 410 Commonwealth Games. All 410 and would have been the Queen's, you know, a hundredth heavenly birthday today.

And God long live the Queen. How are we doing? Brinney's in here. Brin from the newsroom. Did we win any medals overnight? No. No. So I believe we've still got five.

Well, last time I knew it was four. What was the fifth one? What's the fifth? That was Erica Fairweather. She was in the pool yesterday. Well, so we've all of ours are swimming. Yeah, pretty much. Well, because they cut all the other sports.

Yeah. We're just swimming. We're good at swimming because we're surrounded by water. And even the basketball, there's only three on side. Three on three. It's so, basketball is already too quick. Yeah. Because the court's so short and they're so tall, it's like five steps, hoop to hoop.

Josh Wilmer's going to be getting in the pool in about 20 minutes. Well, good on you, Josh, eh? Get that on the telly. That's a parasy swimming. You'll watch that. Paraswimming event. Fantastic. Yeah, well, um...

So why am I in here? Just hang out, we're bored of each other. Well, did we wanted the Commonwealth game. News, Brin? Yeah. Give us the rest of the news. That's it pretty much. Well, have you heard Haley's got some news?

I've got some news. Watch your back, bitch. Sorry. It's too early and I respect you. So apparently because this is like super small and there's no village. Yeah. Usually in the Commonwealth Games in the Olympics

there's a laundry service. We're athletes who obviously sweet a lot and probably a lot in the crotch or region can just dump their washing in a bag can get it back the same day. Not in this village. So before the athletes left for the Commonwealth Games, they were warned, pack extra,

because you won't be able to wash them, particularly underwear. Because you're going to burn through it and we're not going to be able to do it for you. And because you're so busy, you're not going to be popping down to the local Glasgow. Old loves, you know, pop down and... Let's have a look at your underwear.

Do a service for the athletes? Yeah, I know. A liquid laundromat. You'd think there'd be a liquid laundromat. I think there would be a liquid laundromat. I'd do the, I'd do the wash and dry. That's why usually an Olympic in Commonwealth

Villagers, there's a service because they're training, they're busy, they're going to and from the stadiums and whatnot, but no, not anymore. Haven't seen any stories of, you know, condoms, you know, normally they're like, oh, you know, they've all been taken up. Yeah. Or being dished out. Oh, they're shagging,

for sure. Do you know what I love? I love seeing the athletes on, I can't remember her name, but I saw a clip in Kiwi athlete. They're just happy to be there. You just see them. Of course they're trying. That's what they're working towards.

Oh, this is so fun. So last night I was at a pub with some friends. On a Monday. Yeah, on a Monday. Because we thought we'd go out for dinner and drinks. Even I wasn't at the pub and that's saying something. On a Monday. It was weird having a couple of drinks on a Monday.

It's not something I normally do. No. But the Commonwealth Games were on all of the TVs and the pub was quite packed. And I tell you what, there was one guy that came on that everybody was watching every single person. Now, this is a gymnast, I believe. Kiwi athlete. Daniel Stoddart.

Yeah. Daniel, now, I tell you what, people were, he's ripped is what you. Hungry. They were hungry for this guy. And I'd never heard of this guy. And everybody in the bar was just eyes. They were not in conversation with their friends. Because he's an athlete.

The girl in the gays at our table were just like, who, where's this guy come from? Yeah. So I found him on Instagram and he's followed by Bryn Rudkin. Yeah. I think you'll find that I follow a lot of our athletes. Do you follow for the news? Look at that little stuff. Or for the arms.

The arms are ridiculous. The arms are ridiculous. Because he does those rings. Can you imagine the ability? So yeah, he holds his arms at what says. At a tee. Like a tee. And doesn't move.

On rings. And then they like tuck their legs up and stuff. Did you know there was a brief moment in my life where I was a gymnast. What? Yeah. It was a very brief moment. You've got a spelt body for it. But how old were you?

Because I was like seven when... I would have been... No, I was a little bit older. It would have been about eight. Okay. Yeah, right. Just a little bit older. How did it go?

Terribly, as you can tell, I've ended up in radio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all here. So, Jim didn't go well for lots. He's 23 years old from Hibiscus Coast, so he's an Auckland. He's an HBC boy. HBC people are wild. They're different, eh?

They're different. I think you'll also find I follow a lot of the swimmers. Okay. Oh, so you follow it for the news. Right. Okay, right. No, for a perth. It's definitely a perv.

I did laugh. I was like, oh, I'm followed by Brydon Rundkin. Obviously for the news purposes. Absolutely. I'm going to hit him with a follow for the news as well. You're going to follow what's his Instagram again? Daniel. .com.

Yeah, there we go. Just for the news. He's got not enough followers for a rig like that. That's what I'll say. How tall is he? Because they're always a smaller builder, like a smaller height. You can't be too tall. I don't know because he looks lengthy.

He looks lengthy. He looks lengthy. That's good far out. Are you trying to pull him down? No, no. It's just, I was trying to work it out. It sounds like Vaughan can't do that thing on the rings. Oh, yeah.

And he doesn't have a rip six-pack. No, I don't have a... He's bringing him down. He's arms and shoulders on the sky. Is he short? Is he short? No, but what I'm saying is if he's also six foot, his arms must be monsters. Yeah, yeah.

But if he's like 5'8, great arms. What even is that? I know, it's an insane sport, like watching all of them do it last night on the taillet. It was insane. Yeah. I am just looking at the athletes and they're all the same height, which I would say is shorter. But arms like that, you can be four foot tall, I don't care. Yeah.

He was doing quite well in the, what was it? The ring thing. You bit flustered. On the ring things, yeah. The double ring rings. The double ring rings. Well, hopefully we'll keep you up. did it, hopefully we get a medal in the pool.

Is this a final race or just a race race? Or did you just say that without knowledge? Close the tab. Hang on. What a great Commonwealth rounder. The four of us, including a newsreader, have provided for you, New Zealand.

Play Z-N's Flesh, One in Haley. So silly, silly, silly, that is silly. So little poll today, we'll also rock a 9-6-96, if you're listening. Oh, yeah? Do you think about someone else who isn't your partner during adult fun times? Now, we ask this question because a woman has gone viral online. Yes, she was sharing the fact that she went through a breakup and it was amicable and then she met a new person and that is her person.

She's like, this is my love. The soul connection is there. However, I am unable to reach my sexual completion unless I think about my ex. And I was like, wow. That's, wow. How are you going to therapy that one away? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Because that's a big part of it. It's not there for her. Yeah, it's not there for her. But everything else is. Yeah. Maybe that's not the one then. We thought we'd maybe just take it to our lists and be like, do you think about other people?

Well, our options were yes, I often do. Once in a blue moon or no, never. Oh, great options. Or the fourth option should have been, my partner is looking at my phone as I answered this. So no. So definitely not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I do often, 10%.

Once in a blue moon, 35%. No, never 55%. People are liars. Really? People are liars. When we say, you think about other people

could be a celebrity, could be a fantasy, could be... And it's also like, we're imagined that you are putting them in your partner's place, right? Because I think about all manner of things.

Recipes. Oh, right. Recipes. Like wildfires. Yeah, right. And that's why you have the face of someone that doesn't look like they know how to have sex. Because he's busy thinking about climate change.

Hydroelectric dams. Yeah, yeah. Drain. How do they work? Trane. All right, let's get some feedback on this. Okay, so this person... I'm sorry, people are lying, no way.

Yeah. People didn't ask to be anonymous. And if they didn't ask, they're not kidding. Oh, really? I'll just give initials. Okay. B says, my partner is male, but I often think about other woman. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's all.

Maybe your partner would love it if you introduced another. I would, absolutely. Yeah. Z says, I'm just happy to be there in the moment, to be totally honest. Just happy to be a partner. Just there in the present. Yeah, good. C says yes, often.

We talk about it also. Although we are open as two women who have had, and then emojis, woman, man, woman. Okay. Right, right. It's sometimes better in your head than in real life. Men are very dry. Yes, it was all too wet for me. Men are so lovely in dry.

O said, not during, but sometimes to get me started. Oh, okay. Oh. Sort of like a little ignition. A little visual stimulation. G says, I've been with the same person for over 25 years. I'm in by mid-40s. Sometimes you just need a little help to get there and I'm trying.

Yeah, of course. I like the honesty. I like the honesty. I like the honesty too. We're all humans. Another G said, think about somebody else or anything other than what's actually happening and then a one of these faces.

Someone's not enjoying their love life. I think you can book in a session with Morgan Penn Semantic Sexologist. H says fictional characters mainly. Okay. Oh, the books. So you don't feel as bad. It's not cheating in your mind if it's a fictional character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

S says, if I'm honest, Haley has popped up a few times now because of what she's gotten up to on podcasts and her stand-up. Oh my goodness gracious me. I'm just happy to be there. In his mind. Yeah. Al says my ADHD brain struggles to stay on the topic,

let alone think up a different man. You're just giving us initials, but would you say we're mostly getting women or men? Woman. Okay, interesting. Anonymous, please. Literally, I think about Zaden from Iron Flame. Keep anonymous, please.

I don't know my mates roasting me. I don't know who that is, Carlwin. It's a famous smutty book. It's a famous smutty book. Do you guys know the series Fourth Wing? Yes. Yes. He's a MMC from that. Male character.

Yeah. Hot. Oh really? Roreson graduates to a lieutenant grapples with major trust issues and secrets with violet and ultimately turns into a venon. Famously, okay, you shouldn't have said that. Is that a spoiler alert? Yeah, Vaughn, don't you know?

Famously are very, very, spicy scene on a throne just saying. What does this guy? What does this guy look like? Whatever? You didn't even wipe the gym down. It's a book.

You didn't even wipe down at the gym. I would wipe down at the gym as that happened. If you got into some Zaden level bloody iron throning with a flamy Zepen and then I put a blanket down. I put a towel down.

I'm just, this is a artist rendition of what he looks like. Ew. Yeah. Get a bit of that on you. Get a bit of that. thrown on you, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Get a bit of that. Fictional. Harry Stiles usually, says C. Yeah, nice. Just a bit of Harry Stiles. And then I imagine one day he's like here in the country doing a show and you walk around the corner and run into him. But it's awkward for you because you've had sex with him so many times.

Yeah. He doesn't even know who you are. He'd ever live up to what you've imagined either. I don't think he'd be that. I don't think he'd be a passionate lover. Have you seen the woman that he's? He is being with and with? I think he's fine.

I think he's doing fine. I reckon they're there because he's there to worship at the throne. I don't think he does much worshipping. Really? Someone messaged in I only think about other people when I'm having a solo session.

Oh, okay. You know? So there is a partner but when they're having a solo session they'll think of other people. Yeah. Right. Okay. Good. Get a bit of distance.

Well, we asked, do you think about someone else who was in your partner during adult fun times and collectively 45% of you do. Play, that ends, flesh von and Haley. Well, Facebook has announced that they are releasing a separate app for Facebook Marketplace Sellers.

Oh. And basically, this app is going to mean that you can, it's called seller. You can manage your listings, message buyers and track your items. So I think it's not going to clutter up there. I've never used Marketplace, like all the stories I've heard from you guys, from other people. I'm down for a little, I find myself constantly just browsing Marketplace, just to see what's on there.

I don't think a day goes by where I don't have Trade Me open. I like Trade Meets, it's where the fancy people are. I haven't been on Trade Me for Donkeys yet. When was it a few months ago that they dropped their success fees for general items? And I think that was kind of in response to the fact. Totally. I'm just going to put this for free on Facebook. I know, but it trade becomes of that buyer protection.

Yeah. And ping as well so you can like get paid immediately and the money's clear. And once they buy it, they're obliged to pick it up. Unlike the thing that I sold recently and the woman just like hasn't paid or gone it. So I'm like, go back. Yeah. Yeah. Also they're rolling out a Facebook, a verification system called Facebook verified,

which is different from meta-verified. So that might also help as well. Oh yeah, make it a bit more legit. So like, yeah, if people are turning up, or you can only sell to a verified sellers, like on Trade Me. Yeah. Because I don't know if you read it last week or the week before,

somebody in East Auckland. Yeah. Sold something on marketplace, like some jewelry. They turned up. The guy, like a kid, 19-year-old, pulled a gun, and just took the necklace, ran away. The police eagle tracked the car down and arrested them. Holy!

Oh, so they got them. Yeah, so they ended up getting them. But you've had's Mark a play at once or say it twice. It's a shithole. It must be a nice necklace. Gosh. Must have been a nice necklace. Do you know a little side story?

I, um, you know, Patsy Sproul, my mother. Yes. I know her, but maybe the listeners don't. Well, she's my mother and she has exquisite home decor taste. Yes. And, uh, we're renovating together. And I saw this lampshade that I know she's been looking at for ages. It's this huge, like, material thing.

And I saw it on Trade Me. And I was like, $300 and I looked it up on the site where I saw it in Matakana. So you know it's expensive. $3,500. So I sent it to mum and I was like, Mom, like, you've got to get this. Look at it. It's so cheap.

And she's like, can't be real. No, it can't be real. It must be the T-Moo version or something like that. And I was like, okay, well, whatever. And then, you know, you lose. I don't need it. And then I just went on to try to find it. She goes, can you grab that?

It is the real one. It's gone. Of course it is. And I said, snooze you lose. I said too late ethel. to her, which is what we say as a family, two lady and she goes, nah, got you, she bought it. Oh, she bought it.

She said, no, you bought it and then show me that she paid using Ping and my credit card. Good line. Funding this renovation. Yeah, well, I've said, if I may, if I may, I've actually saved thousands. So much money. Thousands of dollars.

The ZDM Podcast Network. Zem's Fletchhorn and Haley. From the Fletchbourne and Haley group chat, This is the Top Sex I did not know that Instant Coffee Brands special blend and Greggs, including Red Ribbon Roast, was owned by Heinz Watties. Oh, okay.

Big mother company. This will cease production ending the 75 years that this has been made here in Altero in New Zealand. What's the reason? It's going to shut three factories, affecting 350 jobs, so that sucks to here. Oh, that sucks. It's closing down everything.

Yeah. AI coffee now. Just AI your coffee. It's going to close three manufacturing facilities. In Auckland, Christ Gentry, and that's where it's been producing instant coffee. It's terrible. I will say it's not the best instant coffee. It's not my mcona.

It's coffee for people that just don't give a toss about coffee. I've got those top six sites. People are going to need to find a new coffee brand. Oh, hit us. Number six on the list. Boomers. Yeah. Yeah.

The kind of boomers that all make it. and then they'll forget about it, and then they'll microwave. Of course they will. No, I just need a fresh one. I'll just get in the microwave. They just have it so hot. It doesn't matter what it tastes like. Number five on the list of the people who need to find a new coffee brand.

People who have smoker in a porta com. Oh, yes. If you're taking your smoker break and you're wandering over to that little removable box that's on the work site, this is definitely what's in the jar. Or just a ripped open packet. lot of the tradies are probably, that's probably why the sales haven't been great. A lot of the tradies is getting a white monster. Oh yeah, white monster.

White monster killed the special blend. Yeah, it did. Number four on the list of the tops of people who need to find a new coffee brand, are the people who have two or more sugars in their coffee. Sugar it away. So average taste and they're just going to sugar it right up. When we used to run Housie, you know, to fundraise for our big marching trips and stuff, you best believe that was Greg's.

Yeah. And it was always be like three sugars. Three sugars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to hide the terrible coffee. You've got to hide that bitter bit. Yeah, it was so bitter. Number three on the list of the top six type of people that need to find new coffee brand.

Sharing gangs. Oh, yeah. I always remember growing up when it was sharing it, my granddad's. You'd just stir like a massive vat. Vat of whatever hot drink. And I was like, what is this? And my nan said, they'll just drink any shit. It'll get them through to their first tallies.

Because that's what she's called them. big swapper bottles. She said they're just, all they're doing is they're putting something in their mouth till they can have a tourie. And they're not allowed to do that until they finish for the day. Well, they're hard working. Can't be pissed, sharing. Number two on the list.

Well, you can be actually. Share your finger off. I think of a few of them were. Number two on the list of the top six types of people that need to find a new coffee brand, anyone who drinks their coffee out of an Ark Rock brown glass cup. Oh, those are classic. It's a classic. I don't think you're legally allowed to put anything other than Greg's Red Ribbon or special

blend into those cups. Bring those cups back. Yes, my little milk after a swim club. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. Really water down though. Yeah. Oh, just water one teaspoon. I think the glass was brown because you couldn't see how brown the stuff was inside it. It's not very brown.

Because it's not very brown. And number one on the list of the top six types of people that need to find a new coffee brand. Someone that has to stand outside and have their coffee regardless of the weather because they're smoking a fag. Yeah, you've got to have a fag with your greaks. Yeah. With the arc rock, standing outside the porticom, pissing down, rain. again just masking that bit of taste with anything. Tobacco in this situation.

That is today sub-sex. The ZN Podcast Network, play Z-N's flesh, born and Haley. You know, I've always, I'm a bit snobby when it comes to, like, robots, AI, and the likes. And I'm a bit snobby when it comes to

automatic feeding my cat because I believe he needs a human connection and so I make my lovely neighbour, Brendan, pop over if I'm away and he has to give him cover. I've got an automatic feeder and it's a game changer. So this is what spurred me on is because Fletch, you've got, well, you've got an automatic pet feeder if you're just away for a night or so.

Yeah, if I'm going away longer, I'll get a cat sitter. Yeah. And you've got the RoboVac. Yes. And I'm embracing robots in my house. Robot vac's good, eh? Yeah. You've got Robo Vac.

Yeah. Vourney. Is that it? Have you got an automatic pet feeder? I've got just a real cheap one that goes, and it spins the middle and opens the next portion of dry biscuits. Yeah, right. Yeah, but that didn't work because your cat clips the lid off.

And it's all... It eats all the biscuits. It eats all five days at once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was all anti this until Fletch, like we were playing around the other day. Oh, we were on Friday, right? Yeah, so when we went to Christchurch for like 22 hours, I didn't have a house sitter, I just had the pet feeder.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it automatically comes on twice a day. But I can log in with the camera. Yeah, and I can talk to my cat. You have a cat. And you were like, Muz and Muz's little face popped out with this blowing eyes because it was dark. And I was like, this is too cute. And maybe I do want this.

And I actually fed him too. There's a button you can feed. So he just gave him some buckets. A little extra. I bought, I've done it. I've bought a little, mine is like a little, I can't even remember the brand of it, but it's like a little roly ball. Yeah.

And it's like you drive it like a little remote control. And I can just look, I'm just driving into my room right now. That's really cool. Look, and it's just, I've got a camera on it, and I can talk, and I can go and see where Rolly is. But what else? Does it have treats? Yeah, you can just drop a little treat.

It's not like our friends that have the one that docks and you fire them at them. Oh, yeah, our friends have got one. It's slingshots the treats. So yours just drops the treat. Yeah, but I can just, like, roll around my house. I can, like, go and explore the whole thing. Like, I'm just driving around my home at the moment. This will be good when your parents come back and live with you.

Yeah. You can just see what they're up to. Oh, wow, whoa. Oh, go. Careful when you try that. Careful where you try that. I know. Personally, my parents relish the time I'm not in the house. I've been made very aware.

Okay, well, that's good. I have to tell my parents that this is what this is. Right. But so far, so I can drive around. And also, they say it's great for, if you have like a partner working from home, you can go in and I can turn on the microphone be like, hi, you know, or something like that. Oh, I bet they're going to love that. I know.

Oh, God. Yeah, it'd annoy me so much. I think I'd put it to me. Midday. Play with yourself. Yeah, I think if I was home alone, I'd put a teetowel over it. Yeah, same, same, same, same, same. I'm just in the kitchen as we speak.

I'm looking for Rolly. The only problem is, Rolly is so anti anything that you specifically buy for him. You buy him a bed, he's going to sleep on a paper bag. If you buy him a thing, you know what I mean? Yeah. And he's seen it once, and he freaked out, and he's left the house. And I think he'll just be like, I'm out.

I hate that so much. Because you didn't, you didn't offer him a treat. No, no, I don't have any treats in it yet. But I'm just driving around sort of harassing him. Yeah, maybe just wait until you've got some treats. Yeah, I'm going to sort of to have to train him to this. He's going to think it's a devil. I'll tell you what this is revealing to me.

God, my floor's filthy. Oh, because there's a camera. Yeah, right. So you need to get a robot back and then these two robots can just... Fight. Yeah, well, yeah. You know, they're shy away where those robots, they battle... Robot wars.

Yeah, it's great watching. I think this is just like a... What's the word? Gateway drug for me. Gateway robots. The right, okay, well, yeah, don't, yeah. Now I'm going to have the vac. Now I'm going to have the lawnmower.

Yeah, I'm loving it. I'm loving it. The ZDN podcast network. What's going on? ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Haley. Producer Carwin joins us in studio with a naughty smile on. It's not naughty. No.

No. So while you guys were off, gallivanting around the world, Cleanstown, Europe. It's the world. It is the world. Yeah, that is. Well, actually, arguably one of the most beautiful places in the world. Yeah, true.

Gorgeous. I also went to Queenstown, but also I was working on a little secret project. And honestly, I think I'm just going to have to show you because I don't think that I can explain it. A little secret project. So I have in front of me, The Woman's Weekly. Do you just want to have a look at that cover? Oh, no. What's happened?

Oh my God. Producer Carwin's in a woman's way, Clay. What? I'm at the big time. Catherine's going to be pretty... Wow. I'm going to need to get a few copies in the Woman's Weekly. I just want to point out also, on this cover is a fellow radio person,

the Princess of Wales or whatever she's called, and me. Not just a fellow radio person, Mike Pudu. Mike Puru. Radio royalty. What's Mike Peru on there for? Apparently losing everything changed him. Jesus. Lovely story about it.

Goodness. You know, this is a big... Do you know who else is weddings in here? Bloody sporty spice. Oh, Mel C. Wait, so... Used to me, she's not a lesbian. Really?

Do you think she was a lesbian? I thought she was a lesbian. She ain't ever been gay. Not all sporty women are lesbian. No, I thought she was the lesbian. Also in here, comedy royalty. We've got Cudder and Brin Okay, we're right on

Only a few more pages Just a few more I'm flipping, I'm flipping, I'm flipping I'm flipping With Jay and Manu busy this week Oh my God, look Oh yeah JJ Mino It'll be devastated

Minou's gonna get down on one day Okay, he put a ring on it Okay, a little bit of context Carwin got engaged How many months ago now? A month, yeah A month ago now In a beautiful bookstore

That you love And oh my God You've done a show Yeah, they, guys, so obviously on the night, my partner had set up a photographer, so there were photos. But the format of a Women's Weekly is you have to have a photo where you're looking at the camera, and we didn't have that because she was like hiding in the corner, and also we're awkward, why would we take photos? You redid it. Your hair's different. So we had to go back and redo it.

Well, you had to put on your same outfits. Yeah. And it was very awkward because there were people shopping in enamoured books. And so I was like, oh, sorry, don't mind us. Amazing. Oh, you guys look so cute. Well, here you go, wow, producer Carwin, and the Women's Weekly of all places. So I think sales are going to rock it this week.

Yeah, wow. Oh my God, you look so cute. Lots of words. Two-page spread. Yeah, when Haley spun that round, lots of words. What are the words? Should we have a feeling? Yeah. Arriving at one of her favorite places in the world,

Carwin Jones believed she was there to help a friend with a photo shoot. Instead, her love, Michael Allen, was waiting for her inside independent. store enabbed books to pull off the perfect romance novel worthy proposal. Good, good choice doing it at an independent book seller because it wouldn't have the same ring if it was Whitcalls. Yeah, in front of Jones picks. It wouldn't, would it? It wouldn't.

It wouldn't know. Probably not. I also will. Does inanid books do instant Kiwis? No, no, they don't. I'll always get a couple of instant Kiwis. You love a scratchy. I also will point out, they say Zidem's breakfast show.

They didn't actually name you guys. Oh, no, they're angry at us. Excuse you? Why are they angry us? Radio Breakfast Show. Wow, didn't even get a name mentioned. Because we did one photo shoot when we first started here. They put you in those stupid pants and dress me up like an absolute way.

I don't know. Oh, yes, I've had a bad Women's Weekly before. We turned on ourselves and bust them. No, was that Women's Day or Women's Weekly? Do they wear a turtle neck or something as well? That was Woman's Day. They dress your funny. Or they all dress you funny. Women's Weekly.

Why do they dress you're funny? 3,000 cushions. No one's got as many cushions and that. So and so. We've seen here relaxing at home with 12,000 cushions. I reckon you've got a good story for the Women's Weekly. Absolutely not. Hard lunch.

Didn't. No, I won't say that. No, I won't say that. Don't worry about it. Yes, they do. What are you saying? They asked Haley and I to do a story last year, the start of this year when I revealed that my marriage ended last year.

And Haley's had her relationship ended last year about how we were just like relying on each other. What great friends we were. We were like, no. You don't understand the fire this would cause to have like our friendship helping us through heartache. Because you know they would have made the headline like you guys were doing it. Yeah. Oh, this is gorgeous.

How gorgeous? This is the New Zealand Women's Weekly. Look out for Princess Catherine on the cover just under there's our own carwin. There we're fantastic. And cozy recipes for chilly days. Oh. Okay, well there you go, women's sweetly. It's out now.

What are they? Fine, quick. What, give me one of the recipes? Hang on, hang on. No, no, no. We've got slow cooker soups. Okay, we'll read out the recipe. Soup's a boy. Okay, we've got a hearty vegetable soup with garlic bread rolls.

Okay. We've got a beef, chickpea chorizo. And chicken noodle. These aren't good for them. She's vegetarian. What about a one pan, creamy balsamic chicken pumpkin? That's probably the best of the ones you've read out. Beef curry pie?

Yeah, that sounds all right. Now we're getting it a bit closer. Mushroom Parmesan. Okay, sure. There we go. A mushroom parmesan. Well, there we go. Congratulations.

And a pie love is crumble. I mean, there's everything you could ever want in this magazine. Congratulations, Carlin. The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fleshhorn and Haley. You can text this as well right through to the studio, 9669696. How naughty did the school trip get? You're really tickled by this.

Okay, well, the Italian Embassy, In Thailand has issued a full grovelling apology with video of school children and teachers involved. After they offended Thailand. What did they do to Thailand? So they were on the train, is it the BTS train? Nah. No, the BTS is the mall. No, the BTS Sky Train.

They were on the BTS Sky Train. BTS before the band. Yeah, right. Yeah. We've been on that. It's a main train in Thailand, isn't it, in Bangkok? Yeah. So there's a great

There's a group of Italian high school students, some teenagers, who were visiting Bangkok with some teachers. Now there is footage on the sky train, which has gone viral in Thailand. It's been shared millions and watched millions and millions of times. What do they do? It starts with a group of young people

being told by a Thai woman that we don't scream. In Thailand, we don't scream. She asks him to be, quiet. After she asked him where in the world they were from, they mockingly answered Thailand before calling her a bitch. Thailand, man.

One was seen raising a middle finger at her while the others laughed and continued to make noise. The video further shows a teacher a teacher saying sorry for bringing money to your country before

telling her to shut the F up. The group were just children. The backlash to the video has been seen over 16 million times. That was when the story was released yesterday, or late yesterday, New Zealand time. One social media user said, bringing money, no one complains. Please bring some manners to. Yeah. Bringing money to Thailand doesn't make you a god.

So the videos, so now here is the video that's been shed by the Italian embassy. Oh, they've got a little, and they're all doing the, it's been described as a groveling apology. They've got the classic white person prayer hands bowing town. Yeah, give that a bow. And of course, apologising from the entire country of Italy to the entire country of Thailand. I don't know why we'd need to drag the rest of Italy into this. Yeah, that's new. This is one school's problem.

Yeah. Wow. So, yeah, apparently the school's social media pages have been targeted as well by people that are outraged. And following the drama, the Italian embassy, released the video. three adults and a teenager all grovelling. Guys, guys. So we want to know when the school trip got out of hand. Got a bit naughty.

Maybe there was police involved. Maybe there was some law breaking. Maybe there was some apologies needed to someone. I mean, our school never did overseas trips. We didn't go overseas. We had overnight trips. They were raucous. We started a marai somewhere around Newmarket in Auckland.

And I remember like people were sneaking out the wind. And like, some respects. I know. Swearing out the window of people walking past. And then like somebody went missing. Someone just out the window and gone for a while and came back with this wild story about how they saw a prostitute. It was just a pretty wild story.

Pretty wild situation. Small town school in a big city. Yeah. I did I remember in our last night in New Caledonia. That was our overseas. Oh, was it French? French, yeah. French.

I'm assuming. I'm assuming. Paris, darling. We've gone to New Caledonia. I'm assuming private. school, it's all business class. Oh, darling. Oh, you were up there.

It was chartered shit. Yeah, yeah, it was charged, darling. And on the last night, because there was no, like, alcohol. We're 14 or something. I think Amy and Alex decided it was a good idea to rack up some lines of coffee and hoover them up. Prud of your special blend or you're all Greys and Ribbon. Gregg's.

Gregg's right. I remember it. I remember being very peppery. Okay, how did that? Okay. And then you've been like, whoa, I'm out of control. Oh my gosh. Okay.

Well, 0,800 dials at em as a number, text through 9696. How naughty was the school trip? Two different phone numbers have messaged the same story in. Okay. Although, or this has happened more than once. Yeah. Two parents hooked up, which resulted in both of their marriages ending. That's from 556, and then 2-2-6, says we had two parents,

both married to other people, have sex. What? On a primary school, build trip. Both people say what school it was. We won't read out the school. I want to know if it was a... 22-6-556 can you. you let us know.

I want to know if it's the same trip or this has happened more than once. Abby joins us. Abby, how naughty was the school trip? Oh, hi guys. It was pretty weird. Okay, so what happened? So we had a year nine ski camp

and it was just like a hostel kind of like bunk beds and we were the only girls in there and it was the only us teachers. But instead of someone using the bathroom like a normal person would They use, like, the brush of where, like, you said, like, this toilet cleaner little cubby brush thing. The bucket, the toilet cleaner sits in? Yeah.

The scrubber. The scrubber. The scrubber. They shut in the toilet brush holder. Yeah. Why did someone shit in that? What did you get in there? How could you get in there?

That is some precision aiming. Yeah. I don't know if I could back myself to do that. And you'd have to have quite a straight log. Yeah, it was really odd. Like, we have this Facebook group chat of our year group, and we always talk. on it. It's been six years now. Can someone tell us who it was?

Oh my God. So to this day. To this day. Rebecca. Rebecca. So it's... No, it's a podcast. Sorry, Abby. It's definitely... I was just going to say that. It's somebody in the group. Yeah, 100%.

It's a podcast. It's a podcast. It's a podcast. It's a podcast. My bet is it's Abby. Because if I'd done it, I'd be calling the radio station to tell everybody about it. Who is it? It's a mystery. Hand-on heart, Abby. Is it you? Hand-on heart. It was not me. And we're going to connect you with some people at the ZDM podcast network.

I really think there is something. Because who shat on the floor at my wedding was a very popular podcast. But this could be the New Zealand podcast. Who shat in the toilet brush holder? Yeah, it's been in the stream of a since. We all want to know. Do you have a suspect? Because she could have contributed to both phoners on the show today

because I issued a threat. I said if we don't do the phoner, where's the weirdest place you saw a poo? I'm quitting. And so after 8 this morning, we're actually in the weirdest place. So if you can call back. Abby, or one of the other girls on the trip can call back. Yeah. And also try to clear their name.

Abby, do you have a suspect? Like, do you have someone you think it is? Well, not being mean, but we always think it's a weird. Everyone got the weird people in the year group. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And we always thought it was them, but we just don't know. We have no idea. But you never know, like, the girls' toilet here at work.

It's just a big poop on the floor. Did that someone's a feral? We don't think that they squatted down and shone the floor. It looks like she went to lower down anus out and it plopped out early than expected. Anyway, Abby, thank you so much. Pick it up. Let's go to Rebecca, Rebecca. How naughty did the school trip get?

Hi. So we went to, I grew up in England and we went to France as a day trip on the ferry. Oh, my God. Imagine that. We live so far away. I know. That's cool. It was so, I think it was a dollar or a pound return.

Wow. If I remember rightly, it was so cheap. Okay. And, uh, he's like 200 years old, Rebecca. I remember when it was a dollar. A crap, it's a sixpence. We robs to Paris. Yes, so we went over there, and then on the way back,

and the boys started letting off fireworks on the ferry. And they'd gone over with quite a bit of money, and they'd just bought a ship, sorry, a load of fireworks. smokes and alcohol. Jesus. And Jess got absolutely rotten on the ferry. And then on the coach ride back, they wanted to go toilet, but we didn't have a toilet on the coach this time.

So they did it in bottles and then started throwing them around the coach. They were banned for life for all other school trips. They were not allowed to get on anymore. I think there was suspension as well. Yeah, did they get in? What are the ferry? company do when you were letting fireworks off the boat? So they had, they could

bought all the security out and then we were met at the terminal with like police or something, yeah. It was about 20 or years ago now, but yeah, there was a lot, there was a lot they got banned from all school trips. I'm sure there was suspension. Isn't it true?

It had to be a fuffer like that the channel since WW2. Yeah, exactly. Have you, have they ended up in prison? Any of those boys? Two of them have. Yeah. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. smoking fireworks and throwing their piss bowls around is insanity.

The two that ended up in prison actually did fire bombs and petrol bombs, and they were pretty bad once. Jesus Christ. They killed people. They killed people. Rebecca. Rebecca. Yeah.

We were having a light little radio laugh, weren't we? And you got murderers. Wow, and now you went to school with murderers? Actually, join us after 9 o'clock this morning. because I'm going to just saying we had to do the phone and did you go to school of the murder?

No, we didn't. That's terrible. I think we're not going to beat this for Cora in the week, can we? No, they killed people. Is this Cora of the week? The producers are freaking out.

She did not mention murder in the court in the chat we had before she went on here. Rebecca didn't kill anyone. I'm going to say Cora. Wait, because this is like that. There was a few people that they said that they wanted to aim fireworks at to get them off of the ferry.

Anyway, well let's, Rebecca. We are going to give you a caller of the wait just for that insane yarn. Thanks to Kim's Warehouse. We've got a price pack there, home of the biggest brands at the lowest prices. Please don't murder anyone from the show sponsor there. Can we just say it as Fletchfall and Haley? We're anti-murter. We don't.

We're anti-murder. Absolutely. I've actually been anti-murder. Way before it was cool. Yeah, okay. Way before everybody else just got on this murder's bad bus. I'm a bandwagoner, but I'm here. Yeah, yeah.

And that's the most important thing. It's where you end up, you know. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. That was wild. That was wild. Okay, answer messages. You just come in to work to have a laugh and then suddenly, God, people can get it about.

The lap dances and some other stuff happened in the back of the girl's dorm on a field trip. Settelana? That sounds like a fun field trip. My brother was the principal's son got stood down for playing strip poker on a field trip. The boys threw rocks at Fisher at Arana Park and one of them died. Oh, no. You can't have, I bet that kid that was straight rocks. I bet that's a murderer.

That's a murderer as well. I think you went to school with a murderer. You might have gone to school with a murderer. Do you guys know if you've gone to school with a murderer? Not that I know of. I don't think anyone from Queen Margaret's murdered someone. I don't know if I went to school with a murderer. One of them is a Victoria's Secret model.

If anyone's skull has murderers, it's yours. Probably. Yeah. That's a fair call, actually. I'll take that one on the chin. Metfield murder. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Actually, I did. Did you? Killed his dad. What? I knew it. I told you. I did. That didn't actually even, that didn't even take too long to remember.

So what? Gordon wins? I guess Vaughn wins that competition we just had. Some other messages are when the school trip went awry. My school trip was to Suva in Fiji to help in an orphanage. One of the girls snuck out to go nightclubbing with one of the nuns in training. Jesus, what a story. Terrible nun.

We went to suver to help in the orphanage and one girl went out clubbing with a nun in training. Terrible nun, you're right. She was going to fail her nun train. So she's a nun in training. She's got to get out of her system. They ended up getting caught. Nun got booted out of being a nun, and the girl was told she was on the next flight home.

Oh, wow. The available next flight home was the one we're all on and two next time. Amazing. Didn't that work out well for everybody? Yeah. Oh, yeah, good, yep, yep.

Somebody smoked some weed on a field trip. One of the guys who smoked weed and never smoked weed before, had a massive panic attack, freaked out, thought he was dying, trip to the hospital. Oh, goodness may. My school did a history trip to Vietnam.

The group came back and suddenly the history teacher wasn't the history teacher anymore. What? Turns out she'd... Oh, really? And then, no. This is...

This is... This is... What have we opened here? Oh, we were on a... Oh, so somebody said your South African listeners will know about Veiled Camp. Oh, yeah.

V-E-L-D. Oh, my God. The memory I said... Basically Bush School. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I can't... I won't even share.

It's not appropriate for radio what I did at a jail camp. in morning someone would be in charge of making two huge urns of coffee for everyone. Gregs or fags.

Two girls from our school did whiz and the urns. What the hell? They got it expelled. Did they murder? Have they murdered anyone? I reckon they straight up murdered somebody.

How did we find out about the wheeze? Someone drunk it or someone's seat? They told after probably. Well, I didn't know they were expelled so you would think that they weren't, you know. Oh, we got banned when I lived in the UK. We got banned from the Bourneville factory because two girls

from two different skills, got into a fist fight and one of them ended up in the Bourneville. It's Bourneville like a milo-y drink. Yeah, chocolate powder. Augustus Glump. Plays A ZM's, Flesh for an inhalate. Can't avoid it. It's here, and all the celebs are doing it,

and so everyone's doing it. I think I'm going to hop scotch, the GLP's and go straight to the peptides. I don't know. Because peptides, you can powder or something. I've done it, everyone's talking about the pepots. It's injections. Everyone's looking great. Yeah.

Do you know Patty Gall is doing a special on this? Oh, we should have them in. We should get him in. We should get him in. No. Do we not? Okay. I thought we said we would. No, yeah.

Is he reneged? Anyway, so. Because what I was going to do there, I was setting it up like that was just an idea that I just had. Yeah, right. I thought we kind of pre-organised the chat with Patty. People were going to be like he did it. Yeah, right. I know they're being shushed.

You are. Anyway. I'm just trying to be honest with our listeners. They're my best friends. Anyway, so the jabs are everywhere, making everyone thin at a rapid rate. And I was like, that's the impact, right? That's just on weight and how we're looking at our bodies. I was reading an article this morning from an architect who was saying that the way that people are designing, constructing, building their houses is changing because of how OZemperk or, you know, weight loss jabs, changing the way that people live.

Because when the other way is so slowly, people were getting bigger. You know, we were getting bigger, were we. Everybody was getting bigger in hospital chairs. You'd go there and you'd be like, man, that's a big chair because people were obese. Bigger furniture, bigger fridges, bigger kitchens in general because the heart of the home was the kitchen. And now they're saying,

it's the other way around. Everything's going smaller. It's going smaller. So the kitchen's becoming less of a priority because they're like, I'm not really eating that much. Oh, does change my kitchen? You made it the center point. That's just going to make you fat.

That's just going to make you fat. Great. Because you're always going to be in the kitchen. And the other thing is, they're saying with bathrooms, people are putting little fridges in their bathrooms because you've got to keep your GP-1 injections in the fridge. Oh. And so why have it in your food kitchen?

I was thinking a couple of beers in there for after a big day and you're having that shower at the end of like the lawns day and you're cracking a beer in that's perfect. It's like when people put some skin care and probiotics in the fridge and stuff. But your GRP once have to be in the fridge and they're like, well, I don't want that next to my apples and my carrots and my mints. So they have a mini fridge?

So people are putting like little mini fridges in their bathrooms. And it's actually like impacting the way that people are making the house. We're making them all kitchen small. Yeah. Because we're not really eating in a kitchen. Same. Love a social kitchen. Yeah, I know.

Isn't that crazy, though, like the wider impact it's going to have on things? Well, even people are buying less junk food now. And they're, you know, people that invest are like, well, don't invest in junk food companies because people are going to eat less of it in food. Isn't that insane? But that's the yummy food. That's the yummiest stuff. You know what I had yesterday? It's also what got us

into this situation but yeah. I had a bag of fizzy bears. The dairy. What? Like fizzy gummy and they were beer shaped. You know like the classic two taribos. No not Haribos just like

New Zealand dairy ones. Yum. And they were just there and I was like yum. And they were just there and I was like, yum. I ate those. If I got jabby, because you know I'm anti-jab until I'm not. As someone who has a few kjs off her heaviest, again,

fluctuation station, I'm anti-jibent until I'm not, but not if it takes away my desire to eat gummy bears and be able to have a big fat meal. No, you don't want to have a big fat meal. Or do you just skip the, if you want to have a big fat meal, do you skip the jab that day?

Go straight to the gummies. Gummy bears. I don't know. I don't know how it works. Oh, listen. We're against it till we're not. Play ZM's flesh, and Haley.

Well, Vaughn has threatened a couple of times. Despite his mania, we do love him, so we want to keep him around. He said, if we don't do this, I quit. Hollow threat because he's got a giant mortgage and a divorce. They go hand in hand for a quitting of a job. It's just an entire sort of a life restructure. Yeah. Right.

I want to know where the weirdest place is you've seen a poo. Now, this is right. Let me read this to you. I get my reading glasses on. I want to distance myself from this. Well, as a metal fan, do you want to distance yourself or as a radio broadcaster? As a metal fan, because you just said Fletch,

middle fans are the worst. And I was like, they're not, they're the chillest. Yeah, your accusation is pop goers are the worst. Pop-nows are screaming and they're obnoxious. And they, and they, adult nappy. Well, what pop star recently had to say, Noah can't. Noah can't, hey, no tinkly, winkle,

or number twos in the mosh pit. People were shitting in his mosh pit. And was it? Lovely, Noah can't. stick season. Oh, you man, he needs a stick season. And pop artists were coming out saying, yeah, I can smell the front row. Olivia Rodriguez.

I can smell that down there, guys. Oh, lovely Olivia. So I'm just saying, metal fans are not. From the Adago tailing times. It started with a faint aroma in the air that devil skin concert golers struggled to define it first. Then, when those in the mosh but discovered their feet were sticky, someone had, because someone had defecated on the dance floor. I'm sorry to anybody that's eating a McMuffin in their car right now.

At the University of Otago's Union Hall, the metal band concert descended into chaos and people started vomiting. Hyphen everywhere. So, a concert goer declined to be named, who declined to be named. I can't read the rest.

The person that they talk to is just like, oh, there was your shit everywhere. There's someone spewed in there. So it just turned into this chaotic mess. Yuck. Did you see the lead singer of Devil's Skin? She's on stage and they were like, they're stopping it trying to figure out what happens.

It's happened to you. Because you're in a metal crowd. Yes, there's probably a bit more kerfuffle because you're moshing and a little bit hard. So it just would have spread. Like peanut butter. What have you done? And the band's just on stage being like,

what's going on? People aren't going to call up for this morning. You're bloody scurter Tinsu-Sachene. The Tick-Suches-Rashene is already inundated. You say this, but literally this morning my mum sent me a picture of a shit on her front door. step in Italy. In Italy? And I was like...

Like, stuished. Wait, has she found herself in the midst of an anti-tourism protest? I don't think, I don't know. I said to mum, what the hell is that? And she was like, either a very big dog or I hate to think.

Yeah. And there... Okay, well. Well, whoever it was. You want the listener to text in now. Yeah. We should call this the red flag phona. You know that game the red flag where someone's just like, we're all partying tonight. you live in a flat.

Red flag phoneer is where one of us wants a red card. Red card phoneer. A red flag is when you're seeing someone and there's something off about them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Red card. What's an ick? That's the same sort of thing. Yeah.

Red card phoneer is where one of us wants to a phona that the other two aren't sold on and so you pull the red card. That's fine. Okay, how often do we get one? How often do we get one? Once every six months? Two a year. Once a season.

Once a season. Oh no, once a cold season, once a warm season. Okay, one hot, one cold. Twice a year. Okay, twice a year. Red card. I can't wait to do my phoneer. When have you parachuted

from the edge of space? Wow. Are we got a phone call? He's dead. Oh shit. Well, that's a terrible phone. It's a terrible phone. We're just going to sit here in silence for 10 minutes. Just waiting for that one Red Bull guy. If that's your car. When did he die? He died like this year.

Oh, no. Didn't he? I've always wanted to do that phone and topic. What does he say? Something rather I'm coming home and he jumps. Oh, that was awful. No, we're going to do it. We're going to do it tomorrow. Okay, well, 0,800,000, is our number, unfortunately. And you can text in if you want, 9-696.

Where's the weirdest place you saw a poo? Well, there was an incident at a... The devil-skin concert at a Target in the city. Someone pooped on the floor, and then everybody else stomped in it and got spread all around there. Yeah. Anyway. You leave, eh. Is there a word from the band?

Like, did the concert continue? Who cleaned it up? Do we just leave? I think we just leave. I think that's a venue issue. I don't think the band should have to. Now, the question, Warren wants to ask, and you have, you've provided a lot of response to this.

Yeah, I have really been laughing. Thank you so much for all your messages and calls. Let's start with Anonymous. Hannah. Hannah, Hannah. Good morning. Good morning. How are we?

Good thing, Hannah. Where in the place you've seen a person? on 0800 ZM? My local supermarket. I beg your party. That's where you get the stuff that makes the poo. I just called into my local supermarket one afternoon, and I walked

into my chip aisle. Okay. A few seconds after that, I thought, oh my goodness, it doesn't smell great down here. That's not the new heartland hot honey chicken with brand one. No. No.

And I carried on walking up the aisle and I thought, oh my goodness, this really does smell really bad. Anyway, as I turned to a certain brand of chip to pick it up, I noticed on the floor a very large amount of poop. Describe very large amount. It almost looked like a mound of soil. Right. So do you think it could have been a child with an upset tummy

or was it too big for a child to have expelled? I'm originally a preschool teacher and I've never seen a preschool child. You know, so that's a human area of expertise is what's adult. No, it was a very large amount of poo and there was also a man looking quite suspicious next to the man.

What's he hanging around for? You're pooing the ground, you're hot truck out of there. Yeah, no, you look quite suspicious. But I just thought, you'd also know that, you'd also know, as a primary, a preschool teacher, you'd know the look of someone who's just done a poop. It doesn't want to tell anybody. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

What made him look suspicious, Hannah? He just looked very red and very awkward. And his pants were down. Yeah, I was like, how did it get through the trow? Like, how did it get through the pants? That's what I wanted to know. And I went home and I told all my family. And I was like, how does that happen?

You're going to get out of his leg? Yeah. If it's a mound, like a soil. pile. I'm imagining he dropped trout. We've got to drop around. Wait, did you alert the supermarket to a code brown in the chip aisle, Hannah? No. You just distance your south from a...

Did you still buy your chips? Wait, did you still buying your chips? Oh, it's put me off that set in the gun. The chips are soil. Oh no, association. The chips are soiled. No, I'm going to buy association. The whole brand. Hannah's lost so much, mate. She's never eaten chips again. No, I haven't.

Wow, Hannah, that's an incredible story. I just, wow. Thank you so. much for sharing. Some messages in. I don't even know where we start. There's a lot people are foul. My sister works at a pub in Cambridge and someone did a poo in the sink in the men's bathroom. Now somebody else said they worked at a pub in

Cambridge. I don't know if this is the same pub. Right. But there was a hole in the wall. It's like a glory hole. And the poo was pushed perfectly into it. That's not what we're here for. They got completely the wrong side of the body. Anonymous joins us. We're an anonymous. I would hundred dollars

Zedem, where is the weirdest place you've seen a poop? Hi. Hi. Hello. Oh, you're just cutting out a little bit there, anonymous. And this is the kind of story we're going to need to hear quite clearly. Okay, so I used to work for this utilities company. A utilities company, yeah?

Yes. And there was poop in the shower cubicle. Oh, good Lord. Our property maintenance manager is quite sarcastic in me and he has to send out an email to the entire staff telling them how difficult it was to clean it and inviting them to do it again. Do you reckon Anonymous that he picked it up,

flushed it and then cleaned the shower or he like stomped it down the train? I hit it with the high pressure in the hot water and just like trying to dilute it. Yeah, you'd get the shower here. I am so sorry. Even I was close to gagging on that one. Anonymous, thank you.

Some messages in. There was a kid I went to primary school with, and if you got angry with you, you'd poop under your desk. He would choose a different victim every week. Do you think he's a murderer now? Yeah, I reckon he's a murderer. I think, like, some of our...

A couple of swimming ones. I was swimming in a fountain in town, goggles and all as a kid. I was nine. Remember it very clearly fun in games under the water, la-di-da-di-da. I was like, oh, yuck, I'll chuck this stick out of the fountain, and they grabbed a huge monster poop.

Didn't go swimming in public Founders ever again No I love this We're as place You've seen a poo On a treadmill at the warehouse Do you reckon they were trying it?

Do you reckon they were trying it Because you know when you go for a run Yeah Sometimes you're like Oh Oh But it's never solid The run-induced poo is never a solid

No that's kind of a need to go Shakes it out of you Where was that one about Smith City Oh We were in Chinatown in San Francisco and someone had backed up to a window and left a poo on the window. I've seen it.

I've seen it smeared down a window. Oh, yark. Don't call me. But in one weekend, I saw a poo on top of the cistern in McDonald's. On top. So the cisterns, the water tank that sits against it. You're so close to the toilet. You're so close.

And on a display bed, it's Smith City. Oh, my God. Display bed. Vaughan, can you read that top text? That's amazing. I will interrupt our talk and our phone and topic to say that we have won a first gold medal at the Glasgow Commonwealth Games Lewis Clarebert.

Clairbert doesn't want to be dragged into this. They're like, we heard it about, congratulations Lewis. We heard it about it on the radio. Oh really, what were they talking about? A shit in the bed at Smith City. Someone found a nugget in the crutch of a pair of undies on a coat hanger at Hastings Kmart. Right on the undies, nouged it, put them back on the hangar, and put that thing back on the rack.

That's disgusting. In an ice machine. We... In an ice machine on a naval vessel after a big night out. Oh, not an ice machine. That's terrible. Somebody said they went to a girl's school and they had those cubicle showers where the water runs down a channel, a channel against the wall and goes out one exit at the end. Because you see the bureaucracy.

Yeah. You see the baroquee. Someone said they remember there was a row of four and a poo floated past. And everybody screamed. But the first girl was like, wasn't me. No, like, it must have been. You were the first one and everyone else saw it and screamed.

Or second girl clocked it and was like, I've just seen this. No, no, no, you dumb it. You dumb it. The second girl did it. Last girl's safe. Last girl very safe. By the time I got to her. Because if third girl's seen it...

Unless she pooped and kicked it up the channel. Tossed it. And blamed it on her. There's so many. There's so many. There was a flat that used to play a game called Hide the Pooh. One of the flatmates took it too far and hit it in the bottom of the margarine container

underneath the margarine. So they thumbed out the margarine. Stuck the turd in there. Margarined on top. I would like... By the way, this is one of those moments where I can hear my like English teacher and maths teacher saying to me

if you keep talking nonsense and telling stupid stories and telling people about where you found poo you're never going to amount to anything and here I am. I'm making money. I am paid to do this and I am laughing so hard.

I am sore. The ZM Podcast Network Play ZM's Flethorn and Haley. Fact of the day day, day day day Well, there's a 24-year-old

all related to what salt's done to humanity. Salt, I'm talking about the thing that you just, the white stuff, you shake on your meal, and you don't think twice about it. Yum. It used to be one of the most important minerals in this world about us. We used to preserve food, didn't it? Before we...

Exactly. Exactly. Have you ever baked a fish in a salt? Yes. I've done that too, the salt crust, you know, and you cover it all up. It feels like such a waste of salt at the end. Once I made lemon meringue pie with salt, I thought it was sugar. I've done that too.

And I whipped the egg for hours. And it finally peaked. Hours. And you know what? My dad ate it and then he was like, oh my God, spat it out. I was like, how did you eat this? He's like, waste not want-not. I was like, that's going to.

going in the bin he's like enough ice crumbles. Wow. He's, yeah, that's how he rolls. So I want to tell you today about the salt that brought down a kingdom. The kingdom of France. 1340, that's a long time ago.

It is, yeah. The French crown turned salt into a royal monopoly. You had to buy salt every year. If you were over eight, you had to buy salt. Whether you need it or not, yep. I had no money when I was eight. I didn't get my paper run until I was 11. Well, you can see where the problem starts arriving,

because people did need salt, but people couldn't always afford it. As you said, Fletcher's how they preserved meat and cheese and stuff. And so it was a heavily taxed thing that you actually needed. So you were exempt if you were a member of the church or if you were a noble family, but the peasants had to keep paying for the salt. Poor peasants, they got no money.

And in Paris, where they had to be, because that was where the industrial workers in 1300, you know, and hard labor was, you'd be paying way more for salt than you would if you lived out in the countryside in a highfalutin castle. Right. So salt became like a black market good.

People were smuggling in salt. And then they cracked down on it and that's what, over a few hundred years, it got to the point where the tax got too much and it triggered the French Revolution. Over salt. Yep. Goodness. I had no idea.

So the tax was raising over 10, percent of the crowd's entire revenue. And they were just like, well, you know, that's how they made their money. That's how the royal survive off taxing people. So that was making it. And people were like, well, we've kind of had enough. So the revolution, well, there's a few other things. But the revolution kind of kicked off the French Revolution is because they were

taxing salt and people needed salt to survive. My gosh. And if you were over eight, like if you were nine, you had to get a job. And to buy salt. To buy salt. And all your money would be going towards salt. Would you rather a life without salt or a life without sugar? Oh.

Good question. Sugar. Because there's still sweet foods. True natural sugars. Yeah, like fruits and stuff. Oh, why do we talk of natural? I thought you meant just no natural, no nothing. We're doing big medics.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you go, because you could, honey still exists. Yeah. I'm talking to sugar from like sugar cane. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll go without sugar. No, that was easy. It was easy.

It was easy. It was actually a dumb question. You said all good question. Salt's real yum. Salt makes everything yumber. It's... It's... And everything savoury, isn't it?

It makes beef taste like beef. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it really does. Makes eggs taste like eggs. Today's fact of the day is that a salt tax triggered the French Revolution

and brought down the royal family. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day. Do do, do, do to do do do to do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Do. The podcast network. Well, while I'm over here on the Haley Sproul bandwagon trying to become a viral sensation, I do actually have another page, don't I,

on Instagram, for my home, Mill Cottage. Yeah, we are going to talk about your TikTok soon, because Brad Olsen's coming in, to talk some TikTok stats. And I need some advice from him on how to become a viral sensation to get on live at the Apollo. But I've got my milk on...

I don't know if that's your crown. I think they'll love my gear My renovation page That I started for my little cottage And I A renovation that just went from strength to strength And I've been a little bit I haven't visited it

Because the house is finished And you know So I've been back on there a little bit Recently because I am Renovating my garage for my parents to live in Just a tiny little cold shed But I'll shove the 65-year-old And so I went back on there to upload a video yesterday

And I saw I had some messages Okay And one of them was in partnership messages That's where brands can approach you, a social media person And ask if you want to work together Okay Now it was one in there that I'd already was aware of It was a just a local Kiwi company

And there was another one, Timu. I thought Oh, God that's a bloody huge brand. Hang on a sec, yeah, wow, that's global, isn't it? Hi, Mill Cottage Renau. This is Brianna from the Timu marketing team. Great to connect with you.

We've been following your content and believe you've been an amazing fit for the Timu influencer program. Timu! Teamu! Getting started as simple, just join through this link. Click the link. Don't.

We've included a step-by-step guide at the end of this message so everything will be easy to follow. offering you $7,000 per round for free products and then you promote them. I think this is a scam, Haley. Marketing team. Now, you know, I've just made a team order of bits and pieces. Sort of stickers and bits and pieces and some candle molds for born and whatnot.

Do they need people to promote their plastic crap? Do they? Is that the idea? This is a huge global brand. The plastic crap promotes itself, doesn't it? It does. And I was like $7,000. I mean, that too, I could, you know, promote your little plastic lamps or something.

Yep, yep. It's interesting that they've looked at my content, which is all sort of vintage taxidermy crap, you know, like sort of odd, weird wooden things. And Timu's found a nice alignment there. If I just click that link. And there's nothing that Timu sells that would go in your house. Yeah, if I just click that link, I could become a very, very wealthy Timu influencer. Now I haven't seen any other sort of influences doing influencing with TEMU. Yeah.

But I might be off. This could be me. I think this is where I would... No, I would... I would not. I would not. I was clicking that link. Because it's one of those guilty places you'll place in order, but do you want to represent it?

Yes. It's one of those ones where... It's a secret shame of a team order. Like, it's in the mail room. I'll have a look because they always look the same in the Timor orders. Yeah, they do. And it always the labels look the same, and I look and I consider myself a little bit better than them. But that's only because I do my team ordering through Haley.

She's like, I'm doing a team order and does everybody need you? Yeah, so you don't have to feel the shame when it arrives in the mail room. Can you imagine, like, you've got my house that is all this like old crap and like old taxi dermie and weird vintage antiques and stuff? And out the back, because I become a team who influencer for mum and dad, it's all just like the cheapest plastic crap and like flammable chairs and whatnot. $7,000. Well, I just can't believe that they've really.

I've reached out to me personally, Tim. Yeah, of course they have. I think they've got a good alignment here. I'm just going to click the link. Someone said... Upload my account details. Kelsey, who's a regular show listener, said, you can absolutely see how she got scammed

by that fake tattoo artist, can you? That's $700 I never got back, isn't it? The ZDM Podcast Network. Pretty headline that Gen Zed and millennials are delaying life choices over a lack of finances. And I was like, yeah. You don't have any choices if you're,

You have no finances. Yeah. Oh, I'm delaying my first home. Why is that? I don't have any money. I pay fair. Fair, you do need that to get one of those. Yeah, I'm trying to save more money by staying at home with my parents because I can't afford to rent.

And also, yeah. Yeah. We've all done that. Yeah. Apparently it's worse here than places overseas, though. But it's like, what, that's why everyone's moving to Aussie. Yeah, well, that's what, apparently coping strategy is moving to the regions. It's apparently a way to do it in New Zealand.

on too just because it's cheaper. Yeah, 100%. Cheaper, yeah. God, some of the regions are lovely, are they? Oh, no. You know my favourite thing about the regions? What? No people.

Let's all move there. And take the people. Hold on. We might be negating the best part about the regions. Yeah, it's 100% cheaper than the big cities. Yeah. Oh, you all flinching. Tell everybody what you did at the weekend.

What did I do at the weekend? You went to Haley and I's pack and save. Oh my God. When you get out of the city, things are so much. cheaper. I wish we had a pack and save in the city. Where would you put it? I were going to float about that's your closest stay. Literally I have to travel

far and I don't have a car. I'm screwed. Darling, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'd be 100% be a pack and save guy. It's a game change right. It's so cheap. Sometimes just the ceilings are so high. I was bulk buying all the favorite things. They don't have oshies.

Says the guy who was like, I'm not buying into that. And now he's got eight in front of them. Oh, glow in the dark doctor, too, must here. Yeah. Give me all the dark on the dark o'clock. Yeah. So this has triggered you this article because... Yeah, because it's just like, of course. Yeah.

It's like, oh, some that we talk to, some Gen Zs aren't going on overseas trips. Why not? Neither. Well, yeah, I didn't go on overseas trips because I couldn't afford them. Well, yeah. What are other life decisions? Babies, you'd delay having a baby. Those are expensive.

But see, that's bad for us and in the future. Jeans. What? You have a baby, and next minute, they want jeans. Oh, yeah. She's like, I need jeans. You're not getting jeans. I bought your pair of jeans when you were first born. All the money you've spent on your kids with so many holidays.

So many holidays. So many holidays. Word. I don't mind spending money on my children. That's not going to like spending money off. And they don't ask much really. What are you like? Your reason for living.

You know what? Kind of a. Oh, that's cute. Oh, God, what are they your like proudest achievement or something? Yeah. You know what? Right up there. So yeah, the premise of the article is,

People aren't doing things because they can't afford them. Yeah, of course. That's, yeah. I'd do lots of things if I could afford things. You've been rage-baited and you've been click-baited. I haven't commented, though. I haven't commented. Yeah.

I've been drawn into the comment section. I'm not even looking at the comment section. If I could afford a private helicopter ride around Milford Sound and then go to a winery and then not work, I'd do that, but I'm putting it off because I can't afford it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, me too. If I could get like a nice, real subtle,

nicely done facelift and maybe a little titty lift as well and like just real subtle nice work done. And afford to have it done in America, the home of the cosmetic procedure. Yeah, yeah, but I'm just putting that off for now. Jay's just going to put off. I can't afford it. The ZM Podcast Network. ZM's Fletch, one and Haley. Bad news, Bradie's in.

How are you, Bradie? I'm very well. Not really so much bad news today, though. Some good news perhaps. Wow. Oh! The name sticks until insurance, you know, interest rates come down and all that kind of stuff. Well, why are you here today?

Yeah. What the hell are you doing in here? Well, I'm trying to become TikTok famous. Me too. In the process, we've done a little bit of analysis of what TikTok means to the economy. Some big, big numbers. What's your TikTok? Brad Olson, NZL, like all my social medias.

Are you going to go and follow? Have you not followed me yet? Well, I got a new TikTok because I've kicked out of my own account for posing as Haley Sprow. Oh, that's rough. I know. Well, I hate to start again all 1,000 followers. Double the amount of economic activity. A thousand followers gone.

What are you? Brad Olson. NZL. When was Brad Olson taken? No, I just always put the NZL because I want to know people I want people to know that I'm from the good old country of New Zealand when I go global. Yeah, nice. Okay. 77 followers.

I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. You're worse than me. That's least inhaling. Watch the magic of radio, Brad. I know. If you are on TikTok right now.

Follow Brad Olson, NZL. He might be lucky to crack a hunch. after that, you watch. Okay, you watch. And why are we talking tiki-toki? Well, we wanted to look at some of the economic contribution. We found a pretty large amount of Kiwis are using TikTok to try and get their stuff out there. Economic contribution of $1.2 billion, about half of New Zealand businesses using TikTok in some fashion. But here's the interesting one, and Haley, you'll love this because you're part of it. Around about 53% of regular TikTok users spend on something out in the economy after seeing it on TikTok. We get influenced and we're like, oh, I got to get it. I've got to

my eyes on that. Including the 20% of people that bought clothing or footwear after seeing it on TikTok, which I think you'd very much be able to. What about the ice cream? I'd like to see some analysis on it. How many people go to a specific place to get a bourgeois look at ice cream? I've gone to two cinnamon scroll shops after seeing delicious cinnamon scroll buns.

I went to a bunch in Europe that you know like you must eat in Rome or must eat in Paris. I did a lot of TikTok research. Are we sending it much overseas? Well, so I think there's two elements. One is that yes, there will some people that discover their Europe trip, their Rome trip or whatever, and go and spend there. But you think of the number of people doing it in the reverse. People who are like, I'm going to have my dream holiday to New Zealand.

What do I do when I come down here? Oh, yeah. You see the visual. I mean, look, New Zealand is beautiful place. Do they have food and ovens there? Are they back in? Or will the Maori people be cooking in the Hobbit holes? Yep, maybe.

And look, sometimes that's exactly what they want. There's a real level of interest in the cultural element too. I'd have a hungy at Hobbiton. 100%. I'm not saying. The fact that, I mean, you look at the likes of going to cafes or restaurants, again, 25% of regular TikTok users go and do that. We just found it really interesting looking at like what do actually people spend on?

Having seen it, do they make a spending decision? And clearly they do. What was probably most interesting, we also talk to businesses and we're like, how do you guys do this? What's the approach you take? And like, do you just get out there? 15% of businesses don't actually pay to do anything on TikTok. They just post out videos.

And I think that's really cool from a small business perspective, especially. You can just put stuff out there and you're getting. a whole lot of eyeballs on the cool stuff you're doing. I'm just trying to look at some Kiwi businesses to straight out the gate, Briscoos. I'm just going to have a Brisco's head to have a... Is Tisco? More business?

$1,000. 4,000. Yep. I mean, you have a look at the likes of... They're only following three people. Who are they following? Are they probably like the social media's man, is it? Oh, they following you. Rebel sport? Yep.

Culture, N-Z. ZM. Wow. Okay. They know where the good stuff is. That's pretty good. Wow. What else you, what are, what are, have some, you know, I'm a stats man.

Oh, indeed, indeed. Well, I can tell you that the likes of, you look at some of the other spending categories, the likes of toiletries or cosmetics. We know that we love a bit of fashion, health and beauty and all that sort of thing. Or make up skin care. If I've got a business, I'd be mad not to have. Well, half of businesses are on there. So if you're the half that isn't, you're missing out on a lot of eyeballs.

We found 1.3 million New Zealanders use TikTok regularly at least once. week so a lot of people scrolling through there. G.J. Gardner's got one. Haley, you've got enough houses, I think, for now. J.J. Gardner's on there. Oh, you give me a bakery. Give me a bakery. You are lured into things like food. Like, I've seen some...

It looks good. Some delicious meals. Like, barbecue places and stuff. Oh, the people that do, like, the smoked meats and stuff? Oh, that's good stuff. I'm looking up my fish and chip. Cumu fisheries. I don't have... There was a very cool one.

I've got one. Have they? Eight followers, so we'll get that. If you're on TikTok right now, you want some fresh fish, Qmew dot fisheries. A video of crab sticks? No, they've just got one post

of just their opening hours. I mean, that's crap content. Well, I mean, they can do... But hey, the cool thing is, is you know what? The barrier to entry there very low, they can post some more stuff tonight. Maybe... It's a quick update as well, Brad,

you have reached 114 followers. Wow! Just after that, which is fantastic news. Thank you, team. I'm going to go and do a TikTok dance. off here now, I think. Yeah, should we make some content before you die. I mean, the content the other day of who was more tanned, I think, went really well, Haley.

Oh, really? Yeah. It was the answer to me. It was definitely not you. It definitely was. How many followers did you have at the start? Oh, was it 70 something? 77.

That's not bad. Yeah, not bad. How many have you got more? You're not going to make money off of that. Mine's terrible. To be honest, I think I'm too, I feel too old for TikTok. No. If we're going to summarize, if you're a business, you've got to have it.

Oh, I think you'd be silly not to give it a crack. Again, sometimes you might be doing a lot of hardcore stuff. You might have a social media manager. You might be doing a lot more of the pro stuff. Great. But if you're a small business, just giving it a crack means there's a lot of eyeballs that can come through. Do we have many Kiwi, like, full-time TikTok influencers? Well, this was interesting too.

Are we making money from TikTok directly? A third of regular TikTok users called themselves content creators, which is about 411,000. Now, not all of them are full-time. Some of them are a passion project. Some of them are going to be doing side hustles. Yep. For like half a million, that's just not true.

Well, no, no, again, there's lots of people that can call themselves content creators. We're not all Sean X-O. I would call myself a content creator with my very limited number of videos that I, you know, sort of film green screen. But there are, there are enough out there that, yeah, they are, you know, some people are earning, you know, $400, $500 a pop. So I'm going for a whole lot more. It's like Haley when she did OnlyFans.

She was $4 a month. No, it was $4 for the annual subscription. Yeah. And ended up $16 in one month. Yeah. And then I started paying people being like, watch it. I was going to say, were three of those you yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it was me. I mean, some people are deluded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, how fun is that that you can, again, just sort of pick something up? You can pick up your phone and just go for it. I mean, people are making some very unique content out there. Do you know what the most... You've seen a 75.8% increase to your followers this morning.

I love a man with numbers. Yeah, I knew you would. I knew you would. We should get a cut. It's the money you make. Okay, well, when I start to make some money, I'll let you know. How much are Kiwi's making, though?

Actually, you bought us a coffee, so that's sort of a couch. Yeah, exactly. Thank you for that coffee. No worries. I know that this show needs a bit of support in the water. And you only went to that cafe because you saw their presence on TikTok. That's crazy. Yeah, how much are people making, Kiwi's making?

Oh, and from a content creator point of view, oh, man, you're asking, you ask me the tough questions now. Let me see if I can flick through. Well, you've got a whole bloody folder and you've only addressed the front page. It's a waste of printing otherwise. I know most of my analysis. I don't know every single. I'm good. I'm not that.

I'm not Vaughn. There needs to be enough in there for me to leave radio. There we go. Okay, so we found that 26% of those content creators that are making income, which is about a third of content creators are making income, received between $400 and $1,000 a month. One in six, so 17% received more than $1,000 a month. 400 a month is not, I can't quit my job, Brad, or 400 a month.

No, but you can have, as you well know, Haley, you can have a couple different dabbles in different things. So keep you on any fans? Keep your own... I'm losing money on that man. The waxing. I was thinking more the TV, the radio, the TikTok, there's a variety of other platforms maybe you can go away.

I would just say you do need to listen to your producer girlies a bit more as well when they give you advice on how to and when to post. They know things these guys. They're very onto it. I just reckon, I don't know, 2pm, I'm on the phone. Like, let's just get up a video. How many times have you posted actually at 2pm versus 2.8? I don't know.

I don't even look at the thing. Right, well. It's hard, Brad. She's not getting famous and leaving radio anytime soon. I see you tomorrow morning. Brad, thank you so much for your insights of your TikTok insights. That's Brad Olson, MZL, on all of your social media platforms. The Z&M Podcast Network.

We want to know now, when was the apology, all the compensation not enough? Maybe there was something wrong with the product, something wrong with something. You had a terrible experience? And you were like, well, I'll complain, rightly so. Yes. And the company doesn't do enough. Yeah. Because this is exactly what happened to a man that was almost sucked out of the window of a Ryan Air flight.

So looking at that, because this was, what happened on the flight? Because everyone had their oxygen masks down, right? And then his window like burst open. Yeah, so the window popped out and he was partially sucked out. Yeah. Passengers held him down. If you did get sucked out of an airplane window though you'd be like, Skinner.

Yeah. I mean it was like, thank you. So it was an early morning flight from Greece to Germany. The window next to him exploded. He was partially pulled through it. It was at 20,000 feet when this happened.

He was a 61-year-old father of two from Serbia. He said no one from Ryanair called him in the two weeks since the near-death experience. I saw the interview's got the neck brace on. He said, all we've had is emails to my son who booked our flights asking if we want to rebook. I mean, I want to re-book. I just want to go on holiday.

Yeah. He said, they did say, they did ask if they wanted to be rebooked and asked how he was, the father. Well, that's nice. But nobody from the company has contacted me directly, not even a phone call to show concern. And he said, yeah, like, that's all. He said, passengers who rush to hold him inside the plane by his legs.

By the way, you know, you know one of my favorite shows is, Air crash investigation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This happened to a pilot once. It was a British Airways flight, way back in the 80s or something. And he was sucked out of the cockpit window and they held him in. Yes, yeah. Landed the plane and he survived.

You can watch it on YouTube. It's an incredible episode. But yeah, someone else has been, didn't an American, an American gets or a window popped out of a plane as well last year or the year before? Well, remember when I had that cocktail in France last year, found glass in it and they compensated me with a free shot and charged me for the glassy cocktail. I was like, so now I just feel sick and I've still paid for the glass drink. That's a terrible apology. Terrible apology?

Do you want like compensation and company apologies or when someone had to apologize to you personally? Anything. I'm sorry you feel that way. How bad was it? As an adult, like if you were made to apologize to somebody at work and you really didn't want to. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

Say sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry that you... That is what we want to know now. 0800 dials at him. Give us a call. You can text her as well. 9-696.

We want to know when the apology of the compensation just wasn't enough. Not enough. A 61-year-old man who was nearly sucked out of a Ryanair flight in Europe has not even received a phone call from the airline. There was an email offering to re-book the flights. Yeah, so when are you wanting to go to that destination that you and I do love Ryan here on social media. They're so funny.

Because they're so cheap, they don't care. That was the guy who said he was going to remove seats so that people could stand at the back of the plane. And when he was called out, he was like, yeah, but that's how I keep the prices down. Otherwise, I'll just charge you more. Exactly. Kendall, when was the apology of the compensation not enough? So we stayed an all-inclusive resort in tonight. We ended up, my husband and I ended up getting camped back there.

We had it proven on a test. We did not eat outside of the resort. And we told them. It was good. They did not. Yeah. Yeah, because it's obviously from their kitchen. And then as we checked out, they said,

oh, we could have extended your stay if you'd let us know. I was like, we did let you know. But we're kind of moving to the airport now. Yeah, also, you can't just change flights just for a couple of extra free nights. I don't want to stay here any longer. We're, where, what country? was it, Kendall? Indonesia.

Oh, right. So, Barley Belly. No, but that's Camelabagos more than Barley belly. It was different, yeah. Yeah, oh, I've had that. It's horrible. I've never had it. But skinny, but skinny.

I've never had it, but yeah, shred quite quickly. Oh, well, we lost weight and said put weight on for the holiday, so that was good. Yeah, yeah. Kind of counters out the all-inclusive buffet, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Yeah, kind of end up leaving neutral. Kendall, thank you. Some messages in.

My daughter called my son an idiot. I said, you need to apologize to your brother for calling him an idiot. My daughter said to him, I'm sorry you're an idiot and he said thank you. Well, that does come under how bad was the apology. Yeah, it does. But then he, well no, the son the son didn't

sorry you're an idiot. So there you go. That's a poor apology but he accepted it well. Got hit by a drunk driver when I was walking along the footpath. They said, sorry I hit you but my injuries are worse from when I hit the pole. But you felt it less because you've got more booze on board than I do.

Yeah, because you were strength driving. My husband got food poisoning from a Fijian resort. Again, we hadn't got eaten anywhere else. Yeah. As an apology, they gave him a basket of apples to help his tummy. They said, this will help. Apples aren't good when you've got a stomach. I'm seeing all of these apples.

I had a pickle full of maggots. Ooh. I like pickles. But maggots don't eat pickles. What were they doing in the pickle? Maggates eat meat. Yeah. They can't survive on pickles.

That's odd. So maybe it wasn't maggots. But it was something maggots like. Yeah. The company offered me $20. And I said, I don't know how much someone would have to pay you to eat maggots, but I'm sure to be more than $20. $200.

$200 to eat a picket full of maggots? $200,000. Yeah. When I was a kid, I sliced my foot open on a broken glass in a hotel pole. Pissing blood everywhere. They said, shush, shush, and gave me a small ice cream Sunday to apologize. Shush, even as an adult, I might be silenced with an ice cream Sunday. It depends.

Where have you caught me in my cycle, in the day, how much have I eaten? Do I have I earned a little treaty? I'd do that for a Sunday. My old boss made us all redundant with one week's notice and said sorry as he did it and handed us a crunchy bar each. Oh, it's a good chalky bar. It's nice. Top-tier chocolate bar. Yeah.

And it's calories don't count if you don't buy it for yourself. Redundancy calories don't count. No, they don't know. You've been made redundant. I found a caterpillar amongst my sauteed vegetables at a restaurant. I complained they offered me a free dessert. for compensation. Take it?

Yeah. Because I reckon we're all eating caterpillars all the time. Yeah, we're eat bugs all the time. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just how crunchy they are. And caterpillars aren't crunchy.

You know, Fletch and I have our stance and if we find a hair in the food. You just pull out the hair and eat the food. Like, I'm not waiting again. Yeah, I had a hot dessert pint and had a pubic hair baked into the crust. No, no, I mean hid hair. I take back what I said.

A pubic hair. Did you know it was pure? Were they more wiry, Vaughan. But some chest hairs and beard hairs do look pubic. pubes. And some people have just got short, thick hair that can be confused for pubs. Pubes are distinct.

They said, sorry, but that's not actually one of our employees. As you can see, it's baked into the crust. That's a manufacturer's hair. So not throw up their hands. Wow. Okay. Yeah.

I received an apology in primary school that I don't think stacks up. A boy in my year tried to stab me in the neck with a compass. He missed with a compass, but got me with the compass, but got me with a pencil. His apology included the line, sorry I tried to stab you, but you were asking for it.

Yeah, that's not how you apologize. So quiet. My police officer friend had to issue an apology. He was doing a drink driving blitz, and a little person pulled up in a car. And my policeman friend accidentally said, have you been shrink driving? Absolutely by mistake.

But the person complained, and he had to issue an apology. that's personally not making me laugh. No, neither. An old man hit me on a bike when I was 10 years old. He said, and in his apology, Haley's delayed laughing about the shrink driving. No, I'm not laughing about the guy getting hit. She was worth how to have laughed at her, so it didn't sound like she was laughing at the string driving.

No, I'm laughing at an old. No, no, no, an old man hit me when I was on my bike as a 10-year-old. Oh. And in the court documents, he said, I'm sorry I hit that young boy on the bike. I am a girl. Remember when you're a little kitten, someone, I happen to my sister a couple of times We'd be at restaurants and they'd be like,

How can I help you, young men? Yeah. That's funny. Play ZM's Fleshhorn and Haley. Fletch Fawn and Haley. Well, this started as a conversation yesterday, didn't that? Yeah, yeah, how soft do you like it on the nose? Yeah.

No, I just said that sometimes the toilet paper, the plie is too thick. You were saying as well overseas, you noticed a thickening of the pline. I noticed it in Europe. You know, lucky enough to... Are the Europeans wiping their butts with a sort of a teetout? Just every, all the Airbnb's, it was really thick. And I was like, because I, you used to how much toilet paper you grab. And I was like, it's too much and it's too thick.

Okay. I'm a three-ply. You bet how do you grab it? What Haley just did was... Around the palm like a pad? Oh, really? No, old Paul and Scrunch. Pull and scrunch?

Respect the Noss. Monster. He doesn't respect the Nose. You pay. His than anyone else. You fold. I go like this. I grab it with a finger and I run like that.

Oh yeah, like that. I don't do it around the palm. Like Hayley does it around the palm. I do a finger and then I, like you're winding up electrical cord. Yeah. And then do that many of those. I use a lot of toilet paper.

A lot. You're your own man. You're an adult. You're doing all right. I'm a long roll guy. Like a spindly toilet. Long roll is a three ply. But it's not too thick.

I'm three plight. for sure. Because some of that toilet paper's getting like paper towels. It's too thick. It's too thick. I don't know. When you run out of toilet paper

and you've got to put the handy handy roll in there. It is fun. There's a thickening. You're on a macerator too. You really want to be careful with the thickness that you'll put them in there. Cooking little pile we ran,

what is your ideal ply of toilet paper? The option is to 1, 2, 3 and 4. Okay. Now 3. 4? 3 is ahead by miles. Yeah. 75% of people say give me 3 ply or bust. 2 and 1, very cheap.

and sometimes a finger can penetrate. Dude. And nobody wants that. When it feels like tissue paper, you know, like if a flame went near it, we go, too thin. If I ever told you about Murray, Callum's dad,

told us how to wipe your ass with one square of paper. What? In case of economic times of crises. I have never forgotten. He told us, I think it was a joke, but he told us, and I was just like, it's kind of genius. So this is how you do it.

Yeah. You get one square of toilet. white paper and you fold it in half? Yep. And then in half again. Okay. And then in that center corner, you tear a corner out.

Yeah. And then you unfold it and there'll be a hole in the middle. Yeah. Now you put your finger through the hole and you wipe your ass and then as you pull it off your finger, you use the toilet paper to get it off your finger. Who is this Murray character? You're actually using your finger to wipe your ass. The finger's doing it a lot of the heavy lifting.

Then you use the school. As you pull it off, you wipe it. the paper up the thing and get it all off your finger and then with that little bit that you tore out under the fingernail. That is the most feral disgusting thing I've ever heard of my life for. He told us that when we were 13, so

like 32 years ago and it's so I can see him telling the story and I think about it all the time. That's disgusting. Were they hard up? No, I think it was a joke like I said I think it was a joke. Okay, good Lord. But he said it does work. Okay, right. Okay, so that's it.

No, yuck. All right, well, we have run a cookie little poll. There's been too much poo chat on the show. CLEAN it up tomorrow, a clean show. A clean show. Not put, not mentioned once. 75% of people said three ply. 16% said two ply.

9% said four play. Zero responde. He said one ploy is enough. Yeah, it's not good enough. It's not enough. Some feedback on it. Brie says, life's too short to you shitty toilet paper. Fair call.

Yep. And Renee said normally, 3-ply, but currently I'm using this boogie bamboo one that they sucked me in with their advertising here in the UK, which is the thick, which is the thickness somewhere between two and three play, and I tell you what, I love it, it's life-changing. It's nice, get a fold on that. And Benjamin said you simply must get yourself onto a bidet. If I, no, next time I do a bathroom, I'm definitely getting over there.

It's not happening. I'm going to get one of those little hose taps they have beside the... It's so wet. It's so wet. Well, if we're cooking a little pile we ask, what's your idea, pie of toilet baby, but 75% of you said 3.4. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listening. You've reached the end.

So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work. Play ZEM's Fletchhorn and Haley.