ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 28th March 2024

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Queenstown Airport  Silly Little Poll!  Hayley's Free Consultation  Top 6: Fletch & Hayley's Big Night!  Hayley's Version!Final Rankings: Easter Eggs  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Fawn and Hayley, it's two minutes past six. Jeez, you shook off your drunken slur there, pal, for the show intro.

Jesus Christ, I said it. Hayley and I, there's going to be a lot of heavy lifting from this guy today. Hayley and I ended up having a big night last night. We had a big night. We had a big night. We had a big night. Also, I woke up with my phone on 1% battery.

Did you find a charger? Yeah, I found a charger in the office, but it's on 21 now. That's enough. Thank you, Shannon. God bless you and your family. 1% is not... I've woken up, I've got eczema patches everywhere. There's a bite on my boobs

it's a lot an insect bite an insect bite but not from my house because you stayed at mine last night yeah no no no I don't have insects

from a couple of days ago okay I don't know I have to ask the other person that was in my bed last night yeah well that's what we're going to be dealing with

in the top six the top six moments of regret from Fletch and Hayley's big night. That's the top six. Okay. So you... And this is only from what I've heard. I don't regret my nugs.

No. My 11.30 nugs. No one regrets nugs. We're thinking about double nugging. We had night nugs and then morning nugs. Morning and night nugs. I almost did call in at Westgate McDonald's on the way to work. That's a service I would provide

I said, let me know if you need the nugs. You're a good boy. Coming up on the show this morning, $50,000. It still hasn't been won. Five on time at eight o'clock this morning. It'd be a great way to cure a hangover. And it'd be great for the long Easter weekend too. The rule is because I saw

Bad News Brad did it on our socials. Yeah. He went way too early. Way under. It was so embarrassing. He was nervous. But his theory was that people, the reaction time, people are going too long. You just got to go a hair under.

A little bit early. Okay, well, whatever your strategy is, your chance to play and win the cash this morning at 8 o'clock. Next on the show, Queenstown Airport. Let's go there. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, that would be lovely. Lovely. Wouldn't that be nice?

Straight to the onsen. But it's not great news for Queenstown Airport. Oh, okay. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you for mentioning cafe because that is a sensible place to go for a well priced

caffeinated beverage I literally just opened up my bank account to see the damage from last night and McDonald's was a happy transaction around 11.30pm We had to battle with everybody that had just been at Fred again and again and again

but we pushed through, got our nugs Was Barney there? that had just been at Fred again. Oh, yeah. And again and again and again and again. Yeah. But we pushed through, got our nugs. Was Barney there? Barney? Fred and Barney, they said to hang out together. Oh, my, I nearly swore. I nearly swore. I nearly swore at you. Like, that is such a shit, sad joke.

You're not even hungover. Yeah, ba-da-ba-doo. Hey, man, did he say yeah-ba-da-ba-doo off the stage? If he doesn't. Oh, my God, stop it. And is Fred and Barney having a down-to-earth? Yabba-doo. He may do his yabba-dabba-doo off the stage if he doesn't. Oh, my gosh. Stop it. And is Fred and Barney having a down-to-earth? Hey, Barney.

Hey, Barney. And he's giving them bad news, but he's working on all the rock puns. I'm not well. It's so good. The Doctor's Sea, 12 months. Fred, again, his records, are they just stone wheels? Stomp it. Stomp it. And he puts the bird beak down onto the stone wheel.

Yeah, that's exactly. We can't go any further than another bird makes it really loud. I think so. Read your bloody, read your story. Back to when I seamlessly mentioned that the show sponsors a great place to get a well-priced kefir because Queenstown Airport is not. Now, I know you two, you get to Queenstown Airport, you jump straight out of the limousine,

someone else checks your bag, and then it's up into the koru club for you two. Absolutely disconnected with the everyday man. You said we were departing Queenstown. Excuse me, I'm flying Jetstar at the weekend. I'm an everyday person. I love that he wants some sympathy.

Now, he's only flying Jetstar star at the weekend. I'm an everyday person. I love that he wants some sympathy. Now he's only flying Jetstar because he has to fly four flights on a Qantas affiliated airline to retain his Qantas gold membership. It's a scheme. Yeah. Excuse me, I'm an everyday person, Vaughn. It's a scheme. People don't just be like, I might fly

this weekend to keep my gold status on an airline and never fly. $14.50 for a mince and cheese pie. So at Queenstown Airport, it's been labelled the most expensive place. Oh, yeah. Expensive airport, definitely. The average takeaway cup of coffee in 2024 is $4.70. But in Queenstown, you won't.

That's not really a lot. When I think about inflation and how expensive everything got, coffee didn't really go that crazy. It goes up in 50 cent increments. Yeah. Some places it does. It's gone up. Yeah.

But out of all the, they've studied all the airports in New Zealand, and that is the most expensive. Yeah. Upwards of $6 for a coffee, the cheapest coffee you can get. $14 for a pie. And they're microwaving it too, eh? Do you know what I mean? Like it's not.

It must be a bougie pie. Is it a bougie pie? Just says pie. They can only get as bougie as they can get, though. Yeah. Hmm. $14.50 is a lot. It's a lot.

That's a pub meal. Nearly. It's a sit-down lunch. It's a lot. That's a pub meal. Nearly. It's a sit-down lunch. It's a sit-down, yeah. There better be a side salad. Yeah. And there better be some chutney or I'm flipping tables. Some chuts.

There better be some chuts. If there isn't a spicy chuts and a side salad for $14, I'm flipping a table. What was the cheapest airport? You'll need to be carrying the show today. We were promised. You promised us you would carry the show today. This wheelbarrow sucks.

You said it was an electric wheelbarrow. It is one of those electric wheelbarrows. It's barely even got a wheel on it. What's an electric wheelbarrow? It's a wheelbarrow with a little electric motor that helps youbarrows. It's barely even got a wheel on it. What's an electric wheelbarrow? It's a wheelbarrow with a little electric motor that helps you, so you just lift

and then you pull the trigger and it like, wheels itself. That's stupid. But you'd be running behind it. No, you just, you can do it at a pace.

It's useless. The whole point of a wheelbarrow is it makes things feel light. Yeah, but you, all you have to lift, you don't have to push. But it would be like pulling you.

If you go, don't argue with me, argue with the concrete industry. They find these things excessively handy. Silly Little Pole is next on the show, and we asked quite an outrageous question, and I tell you what, some people answered honestly. Juicy for the long weekend.

Is your partner good in bed? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Vaughn and Hayley, Sch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little pole Silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly That the silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole

Silly little pole Silly little pole Well, for silly little pole, we asked you Is your partner good in bed? Juicy, eh? Juicy for a bloody 6'15". So a recent study out of the UK asked a bunch of people if they were satisfied with their sex life. 60% of people were not.

And then a sexpert revealed the six signs that you're a letdown in bed. I know, I was just reading that being like, oh my God, shame. You can only do it with the light off. Mid-passion, something distracts you. Passing, do passing. Oh yeah, I love passing. I'll do a pass, yeah. Do you do a pass?

Nah. You never, apart from when you're having sex, you never talk about it. You stick to your tired and trusted technique, but I tell you, getting on top of it with a missionary. I shall be mounting you, my lady. As only one of God's warriors can. Your partner's really in the mood,

and you're mortified if you don't perform. Oh, no. Don't worry about that. Right. You probably had a few too many margaritas. Give me two margaritas, I'm going to get into bed. We asked you, is your partner bad in bed? 87% of people said no, but 13, unlucky 13 said yes, they are.

That's some feedback, mate. The Beast from the East did tell me these are going to need a pre-read. Okay. And then I didn't pre-read them. So if you two want to discuss why you'd be with somebody, and I'll have these pre-read. That's my question. Why would you commit?

Like, you'd try before you buy, right? You know if someone's good or bad in bed. Oh, yeah. That's why, and that's the only reason why I went home with Aaron on the first date. Right. I'm going to try before I buy. Yeah. You know?

I really liked the guy, but I needed to make sure that that final piece was fulfilling. And no passion. No, we used to. Oh. The longer you're together, the tidier your kisses get. You should bring it back. You should bring it back. It's just like a peg.

There's been a real renaissance. Yeah, because you've been into dry humping in the last sort of 12 months. I'm really trying to get the dry hump back. Pash, making out, a bit of through the jeans frottage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what's going on down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

But I know I did not touch. Right. You can leave the magic password so what did the 13% of people say sometimes I just want to be taken control of and my partner

is too gentle for that we're comfortable with each other but anytime I ask for something different to what we normally do he goes a wee bit funny like he's unsure

I think it's just an experience he is getting better over time we've been together for almost a year so I hope it just keeps getting better oh good

communication it's communication we should have got Morgan in for this We've been together for almost a year, so I hope it just keeps getting better. Oh, yeah. Oh, good. Communication. It's communication. It's communication. We should have got Morgan in for this. Yeah. Sexologist Morgan. Because it is about communication. Currently single, but every partner I've had, three total, was better than the last.

So I was always stoked, hoping the theme continues. Well, yeah, if by that thinking, the fourth partner's going to be out the gate. The pattern. Yeah. Just going to keep pashing. Hope The pattern. Yeah. Just got to keep pashing. Hope it doesn't go backwards for you.

He's not great but he loves me unconditionally and gives me intimacy, safety and security. Bottom line, he doesn't treat me like shit and I've got a vibrator. Yeah.

Isn't that nice? There's many ways of having pleasure. Is your partner bad in bed? Yes. He's lazy as, and then full F word. Oh, yeah. Okay.

I don't know who that is because it's anonymous. Their names are incredible. That's conversation. That's a wake-up call. That's, again, communication. Hooey. You've got to have a little hooey about that. Be like, I need more from you.

Have a little hooey about how you're screwy. You know what I mean? That's the old screwy hooey. A screwy hooey. You've got to call a screwy hooey. A screwy hooey about how you're screwy. You know what I mean? That's the old screwy family saying. A screwy hooey. You gotta call a screwy hooey and fix that right up. Get down to it before you go kablooey. I mean

the relationship. It goes kablooey. Communication is key. Make sure you both know what assists you to the car bluey. These lights are quite bright, eh? Is this just a side thought? Side thought.

They're very bright. Oh, no, no. Oh, lovely. Well, thank you for dimming the lights for me. And now we're talking about a bit of frottage. It's frottage light. Lights are dim. She's a bit dusty.

God, all the signs are right. Some other feedback. Lights are dim. She's a bit dusty. God, all the signs are right. Some other feedback. He's good. Just keep telling me, Vorn. Is my partner bad in bed? No. So they're good in bed. And he's my first and hopefully my only dribble mouth.

Oh. No, we talked about this yesterday. But how do you know that he's the best or even good in bed? Well, you're the first. Well, you're liking it. You're satisfied. They can both evolve together. Yeah.

She's not good in bed, but let me just say I do you're liking it. You're satisfied. They can both evolve together. She's not good in bed, but let me just say I do love her, but the spark is gone. Now I understand what happens after you have kids and after eight years. Yeah, man. Things get more of a challenge trying to make time. But it used to be amazing, but now it's just once a month vanilla and I miss the old days.

That's why you've got to get an affair brewing. You've got to get an affair brewing. Even the idea of an affair is a hot idea. Right, that could spark it up. Yeah. Have a spoon with a homosexual man and it ticks a lot of boxes. It gets going. You know what I mean?

More on that coming up in the top six. It's safe. Not bad, just a tad boring at times. She never wants to do anything besides missionary. And where lies the problem? Well, sir, what you have is a taste for the devil's position. Missionary And where lies the problem Well sir What you have Is a taste for the devil's position

And I must ask you to respect Our lord and saviour Jesus Okay next Bastic into his Position Next one Not at all But we both have days

Better than other Or days where we're on The same wavelength Oh yeah Oh yeah There's some times We were like God that was a bit

Bloody phoning in, wasn't it? As you're part of Bad and Bad, they ticked yes, but the best kind of bad you could ever have. And then... Oh, right. Bad and really, really bad. Yeah, right.

Goodness. I don't want anyone seeing Michael Jackson while I'm... I was quoting Michael Jackson. Now, why is that a problem? It's problematic, especially around when you're trying to keep it sexy. That is our our little poll. Now, do you remember when we spoke about the fishing travel vest?

Yeah, as a travel hack. So you get one of those fishing vests. A fly fishing vest with all the little living pockets in there. Yeah, lots of little cargo pockets and you fill it with your AirPods and your undies and your socks and your this and your that.

And you wear it on and you save the weight. You'd take it off though wouldn't you way to go through the scanner? Wouldn't you? You'd have to.

You might because you've got stuff in your pockets. Yeah, your socks will be going off. Well, here's a new fishing... My mum just texted me big night because she can hear it. She knows. You've got stuff in your pockets. Yeah. Your socks will be going off. Well, here's a new fishing. My mum just texted me, big night, because she can hear it.

She knows. Yes, mum. Good morning. Yeah, good morning, Patsy. It was a runaway night. It was a large one. So this is a new, I guess, a fishing hack. You know the tackle box, which is like a small kind of toolbox,

almost, with these little compartments in which you'd have your little glittery things and your sinkers and your hooks. Wait, what are the glittery things? I used to love them as kids. Soft baits. Yeah. Lures.

Yeah, lures. Yeah, little lures and they're always like ping and they've got feathers and stuff. Fallen into the Instagram reels algorithm of watching guys make them? No, absolutely not. Because they zoom right in. Oh.

And it's just quite relaxing. They get the nylon really tight and then they'll put a feather in it. It's very relaxing. Feel free to add that to the group chat. Yeah, yeah, I will next time. Because my algorithm's back to big Christian energy. So you take this, what's it called? Tackle box.

Tackle box. And you make it a snackle box. But I think you've got to buy a brand new one because you don't want any like fishy lures or sinkers. Oh no, no, no. Well it depends if you want fishy snacks. I love a bit of a fish. Because this would work with like you know like cheap toolboxes from like

Mitre 10 as well. Like if you just bought a new one. Arguably you could fit more in. Yeah. So they've got these tiny little compartments and people on TikTok are taking them and filling them with little snacks. One compartment's got some jelly beans. One's got some, like, honey roasted almonds. Oh, yum. One's got some bloody crispy chickpeas.

One's got a little sour snake. Could you fit in those, like, you know those long pea snacks that everyone loves? I love those. Harvest pea snacks. Yeah, could you fit those in a... You could pour them in the bottom. Because the bottom of the tackle box is always wider and open. It's wider slot.

That'd be cheese balls for me. It'd be a whole thing of cheese balls. It'd be a whole, probably two packs you'd fit in a tackle box. How good though if you had a little, in your bag, a snackle box. A snackle box. And then you just open it up and you're like, what do I feel like? There's not much of everything, but there's a little bit of everything. It'd be great for the beach or you go to one of those concerts in a park.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you wouldn't hike because you've got to carry it. Well, there are some concerts where you can take non-branded snacks. Remember at Pink I brought my keto snacks. You brought a sandwich, didn't you? Wait, is it the branding of the snacks that's the problem? No, like you couldn't bring in like a hot curry to Pink. Regardless of brand.

Yeah. Regardless of brand. If it's Pat-Tax or... They wouldn't let you bring in a hot McDonald's, which is outrageous, honestly. But you could bring in like a packet of nuts. Or some homemade sandwiches. A lot of mums here. They don't want to ban

the mums from bringing snacks. Otherwise it would be an absolute outrage. They could bring a snackle box though. Oh god I could do with a bloody snackle box right now. It's a great idea. Imagine dealing with a perimenopausal woman taking her snacks off her own when she's excited about sitting down and eating some pistachios

and watching Pink. I know, she's spiked her hair especially for the occasion. Yeah. And then you're telling her she can't bring in her snacks. She's put a bit of pink

colouring on the pistachios and she's calling them pinkstachios. She's put pink in the white bits of her mince and cheese hair. Yeah. She's gone all out.

She's gone all out. And you are going to be red badging her snackle box away. You're taking my pinkstachios away? You're about to wear it, my dude. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM. Okay, so I don't know if you can hear, but last night we were out. We were out and about. Well, not Vaughn. Don't drag Vaughn into this. I had a late night. I will admit, a later night than usual, but I was doing sort of a little bit of prep for our Fletcher

and Hayley live show. Oh, yeah. There is a huge reversal of roles here. I don't like doing the heavy lifting. You know I'm a reluctant, sexy wheelbarrow. You were doing work. I was rolling through tens of thousands of photos from the years 2012 to 2017. Oh, wow. Wow. Okay.

You were also drinking a Chardonnay. I had one glass of Chardonnay. So I'm not drinking during the week, but I... Okay, but Chardonnay doesn't count. I crumbled and all we had was Chardonnay, because that's my trick. You can't drink of the other thing in the house that I drink. Yeah, perfect. That's why I don't have lollies and chocolate.

You know those psychopaths that have chocolate in their like cupboard? Like a block that sits. That just sits there? Sits there. That's crazy. How bizarre. How can you do that? I have no idea.

As soon as I know it's there, I'm like, I must eat you. You've got to get rid of it. And the only way to do it is ingesting it into your system. Exactly, yeah. Well, we were out last night and, of course, show doctor, Dr. Shawnee, was with us. Yeah. And I felt it coming the day before yesterday.

I heard Dr. Shawnee on another radio show. I just wanted to remind you. Yeah, I know. We've pulled him up on that. Yeah, we have pulled him up on that. And Matthew McLean. Jeepers. We stole his husband last night.

But we dare not invite him because he was, And Matthew McLean. Jeepers. We stole his husband last night. But we dare not invite him because he was, you know, the enemy. Anyway, Dr. Shorty was there with us and thank God because

I felt it coming the day before yesterday and yesterday it kicked in. I've got bloody vertigo again. This is the third time I'd say in like a year I've got chronic vertigo. What is vertigo?

It's when you get a wobbly. It's a U2 album. A cracking U2. Oh, is it? Because I don't reckon U2's had that many cracking albums. I'm not a U2 fan at all, but I've... Yeah, right. Sunday, bloody Sunday.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro. Cinco, cinco, seis. That was the vertigo song by U2. Oh, right. Okay. Pull up a little bit of U2 vertigo? No, absolutely not. Are they Spanish? Pull up a little bit of U2 Vertigo? No, absolutely not. Are they Spanish?

Pull up a little bit of U2 Vertigo? Is Bono Spanish or is he Irish? Very Irish. Well, he has no right saying, un, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis. It's appropriation. So yesterday at the bar, I turned up and even said,

how are you? What are you doing? No. Oh, turn your, yeah, yuck. What are you doing? No Oh, turn your Yeah, yuck Bad actually Do you remember when they Forced a U2 album

On everybody's iPod And the U2 album was Just this And it was Loaded on Like the biggest marketing Faux pas Like faux pas in history

Yeah, everyone was like Oh, how dare you Shove U2 in my ears I'm not a U2 fan at all anyway so at the bar Dr Shawnee's there

I turn up and everyone's like how are you because I arrived late I'd done a gig and I'd done it and then I said I'm not good

and everyone was like why and I said I've got bloody vertigo again and I said it's the third time in about a year and he diagnosed me

then and there with a specific case. Now I don't remember at all. Yeah he gave you some exercises to do. Some exercises to do and it's a type of vertigo that like describing why I keep on getting

it. Because it's an ear thing and there's things in the ears that get all the crystals. What? There's crystals. There's amethysts in my ears. Tiny little ear crystals. The rose quartz, they get dislodged and that's why you do the exercises.

Wait, we've got crystals in our ears? Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny crystals. Don't crack open your head hoping to take them into cash converters or anything. How am I going to charge these crystals if I don't crack open my head? The moon can't see them inside my ears. You're not meant to recharge them with the moon? No.

So there are these tiny little crystals in your ears, and that's when you do the exercises. You've got a shape of an ear canal, and that's how you get rid of vertigo is by moving in a certain way that travels them. Poor Dr. Shawnee, because we're in the spa, the spa and Hayley once again is getting a free consultation. But then I say I've also got a burn on my boob because I've got a small bite or burn that happened last weekend. I don't know whether it was a bite or an insect or something like that. And then she gets her warts out.

And then I've got warts and Dr. Shawnee is going to throw a wart party because our lovely brave friend Mike also said, I've got a couple of warts. And we all chimed in with our warts. Actually, I think Ryan, husband of, it's Matthew McClane, said, I've got a wart.

And so we're going to have a wart party. He's going to burn them all off. Is he going to burn them all off? He's going to burn them off with the ice. The wart machine. The liquid nitrogen. Yeah, good stuff. So it was a great consultation. So technically you've got three.

Well, I could also have a wart party where I crack open South Thistle and Dandelion and put the milk on them. No, I'm not doing this here. We're not. EBGB. Speaking of bloody amethysts. No, thank you.

Well, good morning and welcome to the Top Six. Sexy whalebarrow Vaughan Smith reporting. There was a lot of heavy lifting on the show this morning And you know my thoughts on heavy lifting I don't like it Because we're dealing with two hot messes Spiralled out of control didn't it Well we had a couple of drinks last night

With friends and it turned into one of those Really funny fun nights Those are the best There's absolutely no plans for it to get anywhere And then it's just the mood hits Everybody's in the same space. That is a fun way to party. My watch was like, 8 o'clock, go to bed.

I was like, no, not tonight. And you know how it goes dark when you put sleep mode on? Yeah. Or my phone was dark, my watch was dark, and I was like, I'm still going. I'm still going. I've got to say, very surprising. But today we're dealing with it only, the consequences of our action. Hello, who's that at the door?

It's the consequences of our actions. It felt like a Thursday yesterday. Everyone, we had a discussion about that, didn't we? Everybody yesterday thought it was Thursday. Well, Tuesday you said tomorrow is their last day. Aaron said tomorrow's Thursday, on Tuesday. Todd was messaging saying he was having some drinks

and I said, on a bloody Wednesday. They said, hon, it's Thursday. I said, hon. It's Wednesday. It's Wednesday. But effectively,

it was a Thursday because it's Good Friday tomorrow. Amen. Oh, amen. Oh, jobless. Amen. Jobless.

Wrong one. To those that celebrate, I'm not pushing my Christian values on anyone. I celebrate the long I'm not pushing my Christian values on anyone I celebrate the long weekend do you have Christian

Christian values okay I celebrate a long weekend yeah same amen amen child bless

I've got the top six moments of regret from Fletch and Hayley's big Wednesday night is one of them my bank balance because I haven't looked yet

yes it is number six on the list of the top six moments of regret from your big night. The eighth, sorry, 18th margarita. I would say eighth would be correct, but not 18. I arrived

slightly later and I think a few rounds had occurred before. I did have a hetero on a cider. At one moment, all these beers arrived. Hi, Thweedy, can I get a hetero cider? Is it just what you asked for?

I'm going to have a rural pub this week and I'm going to walk up and be like, hi. Well, don't do that. What do you mean you're going? I want a little hetero cider. A hetero?

Where are you going? Not a hetero. A rural. When we go to the TAV on Monday. On Monday for the Rod Stewart. There's a Rod Stewart tribute act on Monday called Rod Stewart. Hayley last night was like, we go to Rod Stewart. And Simone was like, oh my God, is Rod Stewart here?

By the way, the whole gaggle's coming now. It's a whole thing. I'm going to get another couple of rural pubs lined up as well. Love a rural pub. Okay. Number five on the list of the top six moments of regret from Fletch and Hayley's big night last night. This is Hayley specific.

Falling asleep with her boobie in the hand of a recently married gay man. I don't know if this requires any further explanation. But her... There was something sparking. There was something sparking. There was something sparking. Yeah. There's some crossed wires. I don't think my spare room

has seen that much action in a long time. And good morning to my... I think you're dreaming. I think you're dreaming. To my bear companion. I think your spare room has seen more than it's fish.

Good morning to my bear companion. He is listening. Okay, good. Number four on the list of the top six moments of regret from Fletch and Hayley's big night last night. Ever making friends with a bartender at St. Alice.

Who makes friends with a bartender to the point you can go to their farewell? Well, that was why we were there. Yeah, she's like, it's my last shift. Come and have a drink. Yeah, managing, yeah. No, it's all good. Number three on the list of the top six moments of regret

from Fletch and Hayley's big night last night. Spending the long weekend's budget before the long weekend has even begun. Yeah, that's blowing, hasn't it? It's been blowing. We've got no money for Easter now. The children will get no chocolates. There will be no chocolates.

Number two on the list of the, I've got some audio for this one. Oh, no, you do not. Hang on. Wait a minute. What is this? Number two. Do you have it? Do you see where Jared's put it?

Is it in show bits? Jared, in our ear, whereabouts is it? Show bits. Oh, yeah. Okay, here we go. I've got it here. To the top six. Trying their hand at bar fluencing.

I'm trying to do three drink recommendations. And now we're just doing way too much lighting. Coconut mug, Negroni. Okay. This is me and Hot Toddy. I don't remember that. When was that? You were putting you were lighting too much light.

You put your torch on full. I was trying to do some bar fluencing with Hot Toddy and you were on lighting. Okay, too much lighting. Triple parked. There were three drinks there. Triple parked. Two mugs and a pal, and you had two mugs and a...

Well, that was slow, so we ordered a whole... Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six regrets from their big night last night, from Fletch and Hayley, not bookending their three and a half hour sleep with nuggets. They did the nuggets. This is crucial. You've got to bookend your sleep. Yeah, we did pre-bed nuggets.

You did pre-bed nuggets. You should have got backup nuggets. So when you woke up, you could have had more nuggets. We've got Easter buns though, don't we? We've got Easter buns. But I will say drink responsibly. You messaged this morning saying, do you want me to swing past McDonald's? Nuggets.

Drink responsibly. I will say that from a man who had one glass of Chardonnay last night. That might be hetero or homo Chardonnay. I'm not sure. I didn't ask. It feels homo Chardonnay. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's the final rankings.

Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. It's a little tense. Well, the people have spoken. They do want to hear Murder on the Cat Floor. Well, I've actually done a quick lyric change. Based on listener submission. Somebody messaged in an easy fix.

It should be Murder at the Cat Door. Oh, you let the cat out of the bag there. I thought it was going to be a surprise for everybody. It's good. Also, no long week in Group 2, guys. Yeah. We well and truly figured out that the phones are too smart. Yeah, the phones are getting so good,

they're blocking out background noise. It is sad. End of an era. You know. But right now, it's final rankings. And today, because we head into Easter. When Jesus was born. Nope. Nope. When Jesus died. Yep, and then rose again three days later.

I knew it was one of them. It's weird that we eat chocolate to celebrate Jesus being crucified. I don't know where that came from, because Jiro was like a spring celebration for those who celebrate. And why is there rabbits? Do you know what I mean? Because of spring. They're a symbol of spring, a new life. Oh, okay.

More of a symbol of pests, really, aren't they? Horrific population explosion. Easter eggs as final rankings. And I said before, surely the cream egg is in the top three. I hate cream eggs. Whether it's two or three.

Yuck. They're so yuck. I don't think they would break into a top three for me. Nah. What about when they did a dream one? You know, the white chocolate? Creamies?

That was even worse. It was so sweet. Really? It was unpalatable. Okay. For nostalgia's sake only, and please, every Easter, my nana would pop down in what she described as a little puddle jumper, her little car.

She never had a big car, always liked her little car, and drop herself a pack of marshmallow Easter eggs. Oh, classic. Now, I know they're not for everybody, but nostalgia for me always reminds me of my Nana. Yeah. We got marshmallow eggs as well, but I hate marshmallow. Do you?

I hate marshmallow. I think it would be two or three for me. A classic marshmallow. And it's got the yellow yolk in the middle. Yeah, it's got that little streak. Hey, that little streak in the middle. I almost go, I like the bunny shaped

chocolate. Would you say character eggs? Character eggs, yeah. It's like shaped as a bunny and you nibble off its ear. And then you nibble off its little foot. You can't hear me now, can you? Yeah.

Because I'm eating your ears. I can say anything. And it sort of sits in the fridge for like a week or so and every time you open the fridge to get some food, you're like, I'll have a little nibble.

I'm down to the face. Okay, I'm going to go cream egg, marshmallow egg, bunny. One, two, three. Okay. I'm going to go

marshmallow, miniature caramel eggs. Yes, yum. Oh no, I forgot about those. I'm going to go marshmallow, miniature caramello eggs. Yes, yum. The little tiny ones. Oh, no, I forgot about those. I forgot about those. And you trail them around to find the big egg. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then big egg with... Buttons. Yeah, well, whatever your lolly of choice is. Because you can get whatever... Pineapple arms. I saw a perkinana one the other day. I've had that before because perkinana's my chocolate of choice. It comes with egg and some little perkinanas.

Yum, perkinata. That'd be my go, I think. I'm going to go hollow rabbit number one. Mini caramellos with the little polka dot tin foil. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Number three. Do the posh chocolate brands do on Easter? Number three, I'm going to go lindetit bunny. Lindetit bunny. Lindetit bunny.

Oh, the actual little... With the red bow tie. Yes, with a bell on it sometimes. A little bell on it. Are they hollow or what's in them? They're hollow, but it's Linda Tit. It's Linda Tit chocolate, so it's real yum. It's Linda Tit chocolate, so it's nice. I'm going to go Crap Chocolate Bunny, Caramello Minis, Linda Tit, nice chocolate bunny.

Okay. See, maybe I'm going to replace... Cream eggs. Cream eggs with the Caramello, the little ones. Yeah. Yeah, because they're yum. They have a superior gooey scent to them. Even any mini egg.

Yeah. Yeah, with a gooey... What about those eggs that have the crackly... Yes. Nah. The poppy rocks. No, thank you. Yeah, pop rocks in it.

Yeah, that's what I like. No. No, you don't like that? That's a no from me. Okay. So what's number one? What about a hollow egg full of Baileys? That's not a thing.

You can't buy it from the supermarket, but you can make your own. What about a hollow rabbit chock-a-block of Prosecco? That doesn't exist. Well, you've got to drink it quick. Or it's going to bubble its way through the bunny. So I think we can agree. Weirdly, marshmallow ranking quite well there.

No, because it is like 50th on my list. Mini caramel eggs is number one. Mini caramel will be number one. Yum. And a linda tit. A linda tit rabbit. Yep. Two.

Marshmallow eggs, three. Yum. Coming up on the show, speaking of eggs, thanks to the movie Godzilla Kong, The New Empire, which is out in cinemas today across the country, we have Godzilla's mystery eggs. There's one egg left. We're going to crack it open next.

When you hear the activator, call 0800-DARZAM. I think I'm going to kick it today. It's going to pre-crack. Yeah, we're going to find that cash amount inside, and you win that cash. So listen up for the activator. It's going to play in the next 10 minutes. Play ZM's

Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hey, I don't know if you have a true friendship on your hands or whether it's just fake BS and you should just ditch. Yeah. Well, I let you and Dr. Shawnee stay at my house last night. Yeah, he hogged the bed. Rather than spend heaps of money on an Uber. That's right.

Good friend. So technically they owe me money, Vaughan. Is that right? Where was Dr. Shawnee's hot husband? He didn't come out. He's like me. He was at home. Yeah, he was like you. Strong silent type.

I can't do two nights in a row. Strong silent type. He made the wise decision. And Dr. Shawnee didn't. So, okay, this is a theory shared on the talk of tick. Yep. And it is that you're a good friend. If we were to, say, Vaughan, I'll put our friendship to the test here.

Uh-huh. We are off to an event, you and I. Yeah. And we have not arrived together, but we have arrived and we are wearing the- I'm probably not coming. You have willingly partaken in this event. But we have arrived and we are wearing the- I'm probably not coming. You have willingly partaken in this event. I'm struggling to use this extent of my imagination. Okay.

So I'm happily attending. You and I are off to a fun Comic-Con event. Now we're there. Okay. It's a nerd fest. Yeah, and there's a guy from Star Trek there. Wars. Wars.

He likes the Wars one. I like the Wars one. The Trek. Which one's the... Which one's in space? Walkies and Wars. They're both in space. Yeah, Star Wars.

You see how I got confused? Yeah. I'd go... I'd meet some people from the Trek. Okay. Not into the Trek. I just prefer the Wars. The guy with the forehead.

War. No, that's... From the... I don't want to meet him. I mean, as a child, I was very scared of him. With the ears. The guy with the ears. Sp, that's... From the... I don't want to meet him. I mean, as a child, I was very scared of him. With the ears. The guy with the ears. Spock.

Yeah. Dead now, but there's been other Spocks. Okay, well, you're meeting him. We met Zachary Quinto, who played Spock. Yeah, we did. Right. So, you and I are off to a Comic-Con event, and we're about to meet the Spock.

Now, we've been messaging all day. Can't wait for us to get there to Spock and hang out with Spock. I'll see you there. What time are we meeting? Two o'clock. Great, I'll see you there. More like to a Spock, I would say. To a Spock.

And I'd be like, my brother, how good is the stars? Yeah. They're out trekking amongst themselves. When it comes to trekking, No one treks like the stars And then we turn up Two o'clock And you and I And we see each other

And we're wearing The exact same outfit Yeah but are we wearing Like a yellow uniform From the USS Enterprise Because then No we didn't get dressed up We got shy

Is this assuming You're the same sex as well No Okay I'm just using this As a general thing Always want to put Gender norms on us Yeah wow You're thing. Always want to put gender norms on us.

Yeah, wow, you're square. Always peddling a cis gender norm. What is gender? Go on, what is gender? Go on, explain to us what gender is. I was trying to steal your land moments ago. No, I was just making some general inquiries. I'm just saying I've got a lot of people back in my motherland.

What's the square footage? Okay, we've arrived at Spockville, and we're both wearing the exact same outfit. In this case, a navy blue AS colour T-shirt. I'm wearing the same T-shirt. I've got the same jorts on as you. We're both rocking a Birkenstock and a black cap. We turn up and we're like, oh my God, same exact outfit.

Yeah. The sign of you being a true friend or me being a true friend to you is that we celebrate that moment rather than saying, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. You've got to go home and change. Okay.

There I do believe if I, I might sound like Fletcher peddling gender norms, but, and you know me, I didn't push those on anybody. You definitely, as a dude, see a guy out wearing the same thing as me, there's an instant connection. But what if he looks hotter than you?

Yes, brother. It doesn't matter. He's wearing it better than you. That's what I just imagine I'm wearing it like. Because I think with women, and I use that term loosely to those that celebrate. I think that women, we get embarrassed. You do?

Yes. Sade hates it, whereas I'm like, go talk to her. I think about it at weddings. And if I get an outfit that's from, say, a popular place where I know lots of people will shop, I'm so nervous. And especially if it's a distinct outfit, I'll be like, oh, my God, how embarrassing that we were in the same outfit. And I won't go and talk to them.

I'll avoid. I'll be like, we must stand miles apart. Nah, if there's a guy wearing the same thing, there's an instant connection. And I will, at some stage, be like, rad top or killer hoodie. Like your shirt. Yeah. Great shirt. Great hat.

And there's just this connection, whereas women do get embarrassed. Yeah, we're like, oh my god, I've got to go change. Yeah. And then they're like, they look at this other person, and if it's like a slightly older lady, they'll be like, oh, my God, I've dressed like a middle-aged woman. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then they get all embarrassed about that.

And guys don't. Guys are just like, yes, king. Yeah. But if it was a friend. We are two kings of our kingdoms, and they are neighbouring kingdoms, and we shall establish trade relations. But you, like say, like you,

Fletch and Vaughn, you guys share a similar just plain uninspired There has been days where we wear the same t-shirts. And you wear very similar,

like every now and then you'll be wearing the same style short and the same almost exact t-shirt. Well, passion is our passion, isn't it? You're both rocking a cap

and you look very similar. Do you feel like that's fine? Absolutely. A sign of a good friendship. Yeah. According to this. Yeah. Is it?

Now, somebody's messaged in and this is fascinating. Okay. In the male psyche, to those that celebrate, and I'm not pushing my gender norms on anybody. Well, it certainly sounds like you are. It really is. In the male psyche, is it because if you're dressed the same, it's like supporting the same team?

Yeah, right. And you feel like you're in a sports uniform and you're going to be working together. Maybe. Like somebody said, it's like when you see somebody else wearing the Warriors jersey. There's an instant bond. You both love the Warriors, by the way. Sunday evening

against the Knights. They're coming off a win from the Storm. I'm not upping the Waz yet. I know you'll know that. I'm waiting. I'm not waiting until at least August. RTS back at fullback. Pompey at centre. It's going to be a great weekend for the Waz. I'll have it from you. One, two, three. Up the Waz.

Up the Waz. I'll up Tohu Harris. Harris? Yeah, Tohu Harris. I'll up him. Yeah. I'm not the wise I'll up Tohu Harris Tohu Yeah Harris? Yeah Tohu Harris I'll up him Yeah I'm not the whole wise There's a couple of newcomers That I've got to run past you two

Okay Okay are we doing this? Are we doing this? Go on Yep Hayley's Version. Hoo! Song sung with different lines.

Guys, now just before we get into Hayley's Version, we are actually upping the whas now. We've been led down the right path. Vaughan led a horse to water. Uh-huh. And upped the whas. I couldn't make a drink, but boy, was it thirsty. Boy, oh boy, oh boy.

I did that thing where animals go. Now, just for some backstory, today's Hayley's version. This was, I don't know, there has been a bit of umming and ahhing if we still want to go ahead with this. Yesterday, for some reason, it's the short week. Yeah. And knowing we've got a long weekend ahead, we were all in a very silly mood from the get-go. And in the breaks, sometimes we lose our minds. And we were listening to Murder on the Dance Floor

by Sophie Ellis Baxter, which is a great song, and it's made a real comeback. Yeah, it has. And Fletch started saying it's Murder on the Cat Floor. Yes, wait, wait, sorry. Let's watch the buns. Who's watching the Easter buns? The hot cross buns are in the oven.

The hot cross buns are in the oven. We cannot burn those because they are supreme hot cross buns. I'm reverse searing them. If they burn, we'll go off air. I went in for a light warm on bake. Then I'm going to cut in half, side up. Interesting. Grill.

Butter applied. But don't butter and then grill because it soaks in and I like the butter to sit on top. No. Do you? I like a soaked in butter. Why? But you've still got to add more butter to have the nice cold butter. Yeah, I'll add more. I'll add more. Okay. Anyway, so this is Fletcher's idea.

So what? If it fails, it's my fault? Yeah. But you're performing it and you've ridden it. So technically... Ridden it? It's just meow, meow, meow. I absolutely, at this point of proceedings, would wash my hands of it. Wow, you want another?

We literally said we'll cancel it and you were like, no, do it. No, because... People said we need to hear it, Hayley. Meow, meow, someone texted, and I can assume that's a cat. Yep, okay. Should have been murder at the cat door, someone texted, and I can assume that's a cat. Yep, okay. Should have been murder at the cat door, someone said, to which I made a quick lyric change. Send in the cats.

Do it for the people. Yes, we want to hear it. So this is Hayley's version. I'll go check those buns, eh? Meow, meow. I don't need to be here for this. Ready? It's murder at the cat door Meow meow meow meow meow meow

Hey cats Gotta burn these goddamn dogs right down I know I know I know I know I know I know I know About these dogs And so and so and so and so And so and so and so They'll have to pay It's a banger. Late, you've got to join in on the chorus. You know what? With this catty song, the cats are here to stay. Hey.

Flinch, you've got to join in on the chorus. It's murder at the cat door. You know it. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow. It's murder at the cat door. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Hey, cats.

Gotta burn these goddamn dogs right down. Don't burn your dogs. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. The dogs are barking. Oh, oh, oh. And so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so. They'll have to get spayed. We don't want more dogs.

No. If you think you're getting a dog You should think again Why not get a cat They're a bit of friends Cats are number one You can't even get a cat It's murder at the cat door Everyone in the meows

You better not kill the crew Meow What's murder at the groove. Meow. Meow. What's the matter with the cat door? Meow for me, Vaughan. Door meow. I'm not. No.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. There you go. I did it. What's the matter with the cat door? I couldn't get it. Yeah, I couldn't give a straight face. It's just. Hang on.

To the text machine. A week before our 20th anniversary, you decide to what, like just blow the show? This is the content I needed driving to work this morning. Had to change the channel. See you later. I'm literally meowing in my car. Help me out every time you hear the song now.

You're welcome. Check the buns, please. Check the buns, please. Check the buns. Bourne, check the buns. Check the buns. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Oh, we're still going. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Interesting. No. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. People are loving Hayley's version Murder at the Cat Door They are loving it People are singing along We love it Now this is

Wait was that a moment for Vaughan to apologise to us? For not believing in it? No Maybe you should believe in us sometimes If you're thinking of getting a dog We will prove you wrong. AJ just said, I mean, one positive is the show can only go up from here. I guess you could say it had rock bottom board.

Don't do that. Fred again's in town. You know me, I love my Fred again. Oh, you love him. You ever, ever do. No, that's Fred Flo. Okay. Yeah, I know.

Okay, here is a horrendous story about a woman who left her wedding dress on the roof of her car. Oh, wow. It was a $2,000 wedding dress. This is in Adelaide. Put her wedding dress on top of the car and then drove off and never to be seen again. Like, put it on social media being like, has anyone seen this? Who would find a wedding dress and be like,

well, I guess I keep this now. Yeah. Yeah. Now was this pre-wedding or she'd got it cleaned and she's already been married? Do we know that part of the story? I think it was pre-wedding. Okay.

Yeah. And they have not found it. 30 kilometres they drove. So that's quite a bigding. Okay. Yeah. And they have not found it. 30 kilometers they drove. So that's quite a big drive. Okay, yeah. Gone. Was it in a bag? Yeah, like one of those suit bags, basically.

Yeah, okay. It was in that. Was in a shopping center. Put it on the thing. And then, yeah, it's gone. It's 100% gone. That's offered% gone. That's, that's, that's offered a reward.

They've offered a $500 reward to anyone that can help find the dress. They're like, it's special. I think this actually, I think it was after the wedding. So it was getting dry clean. Dry clean. Oh, who cares? I never understand why,

I don't understand why people keep wedding dresses. My mum put her wedding outfit, it was a suit. Boss move, eh? Yeah, real estate though, eh? Yeah, yeah. She had four guests at the wedding. But she put it in my dress-up box.

By Curious in the 80s. Yeah, damn it. She had big lesbian energy actually. Almost, not even curious. Full lesbian. Almost a tease. Almost. Almost a tease.

Short cropped hair. Real estate agent. Got married in a white suit. Ooh, lesbian burly Big lesbian Lesbian burly Lesbians I'm not a patsy

Yeah Anyway My mum put it in the Dress up box Okay And I just wore it Wore it to death That's cool yeah

Yeah Anyway I want to know what you left on the roof Because I've definitely left my phone On the roof And gone for a big old drive But when you think about it Phones now can be as expensive

As that wedding dress Even more so sometimes Even more so Couple of grand I don't know if I've left and gone for a big old drive. But when you think about it, phones now can be as expensive as that wedding dress. Even more so sometimes. Even more so, yeah. A couple of grand. I don't know if I've left anything else, like super important. I'm trying to think. But when you left your phone on the car,

did you get it back? It was on the roof. It stayed on the roof? Yeah. I got down to like the local shops and was like. Even with your driving? I remember looking at a phone case once that said it did have that sort of grip.

The grip. But then a friend had one and they said every time you went to put it in your pocket, you're like... Oh, yeah. And putting it out of your pocket, you're like... Doesn't work.

Because it's a great grip to everything. Yeah. On the odd occasion, you might leave it on a car roof. We want to take your calls. 0800 DALS at M. You can text her as well. 9696.

People have already shared their messages. I left my bachelor's degree on the roof Oh you didn't know that That's just a piece of paper The degree's like essence or the actual piece of paper Everything I learnt

in those three years I metaphorically put on the roof and drove away What did you leave on the roof of your car Play ZM's

Fletch Vaughn and Hayley We want to know what you left on the roof of your car Because a woman has left her wedding dress $2000 wedding left on the roof of your car. Because a woman has left her wedding dress,

$2,000 wedding dress on the roof of her car, never to be seen again. Jo, what did you leave on the roof of your car? Well, it wasn't the roof of my car. It was the outside of an aeroplane that we went for a scenic flight on. What? And you were getting into the plane and left something on the roof?

The pilot left his iPad outside on a window. We got in the plane, took off, flying, and all of a sudden he realised he didn't have it because they actually use it for their flight. Yeah. They have all their flight maps and stuff on there, don't they? Yeah, so he turned us around and we flew back to the airport and landed on the grass in case it did drop off.

Oh, my God. What? An iPad stayed on the roof? Was it in a case? One of those grippy cases? It was in a rubber cover. Yeah. Yeah, so it helped it stay on the back of the plane. Oh, my God. That's definitely what you want when you're in a rubber cover, but yeah, so it's not to help it stay on the back of the plane.

Oh, my God. That's definitely what you want when you're in a tiny plane. Another takeoff and landing, eh? Yeah, we love that. Yeah, we love that. Jo, thank you. Hannah, what did you leave on the roof of your car? Well, my story just pales in comparison to that one.

Well, how about when we don't compare ourselves? We don't charge, we don't rank them. Yeah, although when we get off here, we might say something like, oh, Hannah's story wasn to that one. Well, how about when we don't compare ourselves? We don't charge, we don't rank them. Yeah, although when we get off here, we might say something like, oh, Hannah's through or something. This isn't a competition. It's not a competition, Hannah. Don't worry. You're only in competition against yourself. Well, you know

those massive Frank Green bottles that were like metal and when you have them filled with water they feel like a bowling ball. Yes. Yeah, I left mine on the roof of my car. And it stayed there until I went over a speed bump that went flying across the road.

Yeah. Into another car. Into another car. Oh, shit. Like a cannonball. Because I was going to say, if the drink bottle was going at 50 or 40 k's or whatever, it would still be travelling at that when it hit the bump, right?

So it would be like a projectile. Did it damage the other car? No, it just hit the wheel. The alarm did start going off and I ran away. I want to say, this is a great story. It's a really good story. No damage happened to the car, only to the bottle and the wheel was fine. And you got the bottle back and it was pretty good.

It was fine. Yeah. Yeah, I got my partner to run, and it was pretty good. It was fine. Yeah, yeah. I got my partner to run out the car while I had my hazards on. Hey, Hannah, what do you know? That sucks. Have we done Cora of the Week? No, don't. I'm really glad no one was hurt.

Have we done Cora of the Week this week? I want to give it to Hannah. Yeah, great, because that was a great story. That was a great story. She doubted herself. Cora of the Week, week. I want to give it to Hannah. Yeah, great, because that was a great story. That was a great story. She doubted herself. Core of the week, thanks to McCafe. I think she did that thing

hot girls do where they say they don't look hot, but they know they look hot, they just want people to tell them they look hot. Yeah, we just have to reaffirm that she's hot. Yeah, $50 McCafe voucher for you.

Hannah, congratulations. Core of the week. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. Don't doubt yourself. Don't doubt yourself. Yeah. Frank Greenwood had a ding in it.

Mine's got a ding in it. I had a tantrum. I threw it across the room. Keep your tics coming through. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM. I can't believe someone's painted over the K Road Pride Crossing. White paint.

We're debating whether or not to give it the time of day because that's what they want. I know. I don't want to give it the time of day because that's what they want. I know. I don't want to give it the time of day because it just gives... I just think they get done. Yeah, absolutely. If you paint them with road signs or stop signs

or pedestrian crossings that weren't like that, you'd be absolutely torched. Awful. Anyway, it is a beautiful Christian weekend ahead and we are celebrating... We're not celebrating, are we? Jesus being no you do

it was the resurrection I was raised Catholic yeah it's the I don't celebrate that but I celebrate like chocolate and Estabans

absolutely fine yeah that's how we get you so I celebrate food that's how us Catholics get you I think you can say we Catholics I celebrate you speak on behalf

of all Catholics in the world along with the Pope speak on behalf of all Catholics wow do world. Along with the Pope. Speak on behalf of all Catholics. Wow. Okay, do you want to? Absolutely. What we've done is atrocious.

Okay. Want to share some of that wealth around? No, but I will say, oh, we've made some mistakes. Right, okay. Well, it's Easter weekend, but I've been quietly four weeks on the keto diet, which tends to work for me, though I did just have a hot cross bun.

Which is not, so what is keto for those that don't know? Low, low, next to no carbs, basically. And I'm only doing it because it really makes me feel good and energized. Yeah. But I was like Easter, because Aaron and I always do a little Easter egg hunt for each other. Hide it. That's right, you do.

Because the bunny doesn't visit us anymore. We're too old. Yeah. So we took over from the bunny for each other. Okay. And do a little Easter egg hunt. And I was like, I can't eat chocolate this Easter. Yeah.

I have made the saddest purchase. Oh, no. I went on a website and I did. You didn't. I bought keto Easter eggs. What? How can you have a processed chocolate on keto? We've had this in the house.

Sweeteners. Xylitol. Shardy's dad's got a real sweet tooth, but he had a stroke a few years ago. Yeah, blood sugars. You've got to watch the blood sugars and everything like that. And the hypoglycemia. And so we've had this in the house. It's not as bad.

It's not as bad. It's not as bad as no chocolate. Yeah. Now that xylophone stuff that's in there. Xylitol. That'll make you shit yourself. Yeah, you eat it and it goes tong, tong, tong, tong, tong, tong, tong.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Is that the stuff that's in chewing gum? Because you have a whole mint. No, that's, xylitol's slightly more natural. Those like,

the sweeteners and that kind of stuff, you'll catch. This one that I, we've had, got stevia in it. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's natural. Those, like, the sweeteners and that kind of stuff, you'll catch the moment it's in. This one that we've had's got stevia in it. Yeah, that's natural. But they arrived yesterday. But it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Stevia. Okay.

Why don't you go paint over a crossing? Edemia and Stevia. Yeah, not Adam and Stevia. It's Adam and Eve. It's cocoa and sugar, not Adam and Stevia. Yeah, not Adam and Stevia. It's cocoa and sugar, not Adam and Stevia. Oh, God. You've got some wild beliefs in this day and age. I really do. But again, speak on behalf of all Catholics.

Anyway, guys, they arrived yesterday. And my one review was, I was like, I bought a five pack because you've got to do the hunt and then find the big one. Yeah. They're like that big. They're so small. Oh, they're tiny. They're like an old 50 cent piece.

You're never going to find them. You're going to run the garden. These keto crap chocolates will be melting through the house because they're so small I'll never find them. Could you put them in a bigger egg? Or like put them in a basket? The whole point is that I can't eat the normal eggs though.

Yeah. You know? Okay. It's a bit sad. Well at least you're celebrating. Could you hide hard boiled eggs around the house? Because they are key. Protein. I could hard boil some eggs but again Vaughan if you don't find them it's stinky. Georgia Burt loves a hard boiled egg, doesn't she?

She sure does. Bring those to work every day. She also heats up fish in the microwave. Now, that's a side thought, but she's intolerable. And she toots like a scoundrel. Oh, God, yeah. But a body to die for. A body like a rascal toots like a scoundrel.

Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now, a little bit of a situation here. I want to know if I was on the right or the wrong yesterday. Okay. So, I left work. I was walking home. And, you know, I'm a fast walker. You also, Hayley Sproul, fast walker.

Yeah. We saunter. Vaughan's a dawdler. I'm a dawdler. You're a dawdler. I think I'm an average speed. You guys just walk fast. Average to slow. Vaughn's a dawdler. I'll dawdle. You're a dawdler. I think I'm an average speed. You guys just walk fast. Average to slow. I'm enjoying

my surroundings, you know. He walks like he drives. Under the speed limit. But he'll get there eventually. Yeah. Even if you had a fast car, would you go 100? Yeah. Okay. Just checking. He just can't. The Jimny just doesn't.

The Jimny doesn't go 100. I actually really like it, that it doesn't go 100. Right. Oh, God. The one time I drove it. The one time I borrowed it to go to the doctor, I was like, what is happening? Where's the next gear? I should have walked. But I tell you what, if you needed to go up a muddy bank, it'd be straight up.

There you go. There you go. So walking slightly down the hill, and it's, you know, quite a wide footpath. I'd say, like, what are those footpaths down the hill? Like five metres? Like, bang, lots of metres. What the hell are you doing? Queen Street.

Victoria Street. They're not five metres. Do you know what five metres is? They're like, I'm not even five metres away from one. And it'd be as wide as this room or that window. What's that? Three metres. The difference between the width of this room

and the width of that window is double. You have no sense of size. I don't know. Anyway, it's very wide footpaths. It's a two metre footpath. Two metre. It's not two metres. Five metres.

I will measure it today and prove you all wrong. It's at least four metres. This is tape measure. Take that with you. In fact, go send Jared now on a scooter with your tape measure because I need to know... What part of Victoria Street?

Up or bottom? From past the Sky Tower down to the next bit. Oh my God, it gets smaller. That's smaller because they're doing the rail loop. Are you saying that the whole road... I think you're calling

the whole road a footpath. It's beside what we're talking about. It's beside the point. No, give five metres. Give me that. No, this is only two metres. See, and it's huge. Go two metres.

Yes, it's four metres. Oh, okay. And it says that. Is that two? That's two metres. And you're saying that and another half. I reckon it's three and a half to four metres. Okay, well, it's three and a half to four metres wide,

the footpath. Again. Yeah. Okay, so anyway, it's beside the point. I was right. It's a very wide footpath. It's not five metres wide. That's what we're saying.

That's your thing of the road. Did the footpath have cars on it? Because you made me think about the road. It's sort of a weird sort of wheel. Was it more of a wheel path than a footpath?

You are spending too much time on how wide the footpath is. You started it. So anyway, I find myself... I just think details are important. So, paint the picture and paint it correctly. Not everyone listening is in Auckland and knows the street.

People I haven't met in Auckland are like, how wide are their forearms? Very wide. Is it because of the obesity epidemic? Very wide. They've got to get past each other? Well, this is what I found myself having to deal with is some dawdlers, three or two abreast. And I decide at this point that I'm going to jut out to the right, tack like a Sail GP to one of those. Watch for dolphins.

Yeah, one of those. Like a sailor, I tack to the right to where the gap is to overtake these slow walkers. And it's at that point that I hear the screeching of brakes and a turn around to a guy on a scooter careening towards me. You would get the penalty points there in the sale, because you've turned into the path. Yes.

I'm in the right. No, no, no. Wait, so I turn around. You tapped. He's slamming on the brakes, and I put my hands out, and my hands are engulfed by his his body his stomach. What he's describing there is a push. And I push him back as he

slowly, violently pushing someone. As he crashes into me. But he was coming from behind. So he's in the wrong right? No. I'm not in the wrong. You're in the wrong. You've entered his path. He's crashing into me. But you went in front. No but if you crash into someone in a car. Not've entered his path. He's crashing into me. Yeah, but you pulled into him. But you went in front.

No, but if you crash into someone in a car. Not if they change lanes into your lane. And like cut you off basically. He shouldn't even be on the footpath. He's on a scooter. You always drive your scooter on the footpath. Yeah, but I'm allowed. Crikey.

You are being a brat. He is being a brat. It's such a brat. And behind them, you're in the wrong. No, being a brat. It's such a brat. Behind them. You're in the wrong. No, only if you just straight up go into the back of them. But if you went into his lane, are we talking cars or sale GP? I think they both apply here as long as no dolphins are hurt.

They're not endangered according to Russell Cootes. You can't pull into his lane and then blame him for slamming into the back of you. You're 100% in the wrong. You're in the right for him. I'm not in the wrong. I'm not in the wrong. I'm in the right. You cut him off. But I'm in front. And then you turn around and he needs to stop. You turn around and you push him

off his scooter. You didn't push him off. And then you just spanked him. You shoved him in his chest. You've described him as fat. Your hands were engulfed in his belly. No, I didn't say that. You said not only was the footpath five metres wide, but he basically was as well. That's what you said.

I did not say that. I was hoping that my friends would back me up here and say, oh, my God, that's horrible. You nearly died. Good luck when you find some. Yeah, you're highly in the wrong, you brat. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Mythical creatures we've been looking at this week. Yes. Got into a little bit of urban legends. Japan, I read we had a lot of Japan submissions. People were like, this is from Japan, that's from Japan. A lot of them sort of like contextualised in Pokemon and such. And somebody sent me an article yesterday about why it is. And it's apparently like it was your family thing to invent a monster.

Oh, now my mum would have just said, stop being so bloody silly. She just could have told the family's monster from prior generations. And so some of them became really popular because they made it into cartoons and stuff. Oh, nice. So that was a fascinating article. The Celtics, also big on mythical creatures.

Okay. For storytelling, big on storytelling. Today I thought we might slightly dip our toes somewhere a little bit different with mythical creatures. creatures that turned out to be real oh okay oh like the loch ness now i know you're a big fan of the loch ness monster flesh just stop it's a log it's definitely a log yeah it's a log or an alpaca just like having a dip. Having a little bathe. Yeah. Number one, the narwhal. Through the Middle Ages, it was all talk about unicorn. Now, apparently, once upon a time, the Vikings had the tusks.

They're called tusks. They're not horns of the narwhal. And somebody said, is that a unicorn horn? And they were like, yes. And someone paid way more money for it. So it became this unicorn horn trade that turned out it was the narwhal although they weren't discovered until 1577. So they were like a mythical creature. Somebody said it's a unicorn whale and it's actually real.

Another one, the rhinoceros. The rhinoceros people did not believe that rhinoceros were real. Dating back to the Greeks. Really? Yeah, an adventurer apparently described a mythical creature with a head like a stag, the feet of an elephant and the tail of the boar. Oh yeah? That's a rhino. Yeah, it's a rhino. And then they ended up actually seeing one. Wow.

But up until then thought it was mythical. Yeah. Because someone could come back and describe it but they might have been delirious. They'd been travelling a long time. They didn't have, obviously photographic proof was massive. They didn't have, obviously, photographic proof was massive. They didn't have an iPhone 15. No iPhone 15s in ancient Greek times. Because it takes a lovely photo.

It takes a crisp photo. You're telling me they had all those lovely aqueducts and engineering and roads that still exist and buildings that still exist, but they couldn't get down into Africa. Well, there was people in Africa, but the Greeks were told about this animal and they said that sounds too good to be true. Okay. The mixture of all the animals. Big journey from Greece to Africa. but the Greeks were told about this animal and they said that sounds too good to be true.

The mixture of all the animals. Big journey from Greece to Africa. In 1798, Captain John Hunter was in Australia and he sent back a pelt of a platypus. Oh, yeah, weird animal. And people thought he had made it as a joke to play a prank on people. What? That's weird, eh?

Yeah, platypus. Plast pie? Kind of like an ornery... Is it platypuses or platypi? It's platypuses. It's like octopuses, not technically octopi. The correct would be octopuses. Okay.

It's got a duck beak. It's got weird feet. It's got a beaver's tail. It's all go. Did you know the gorilla was considered a mythical creature? Goodness. It wasn't confirmed until 1847. But we are gorillas.

I know. For those that celebrate. For those that celebrate. A human-like monster that visited their camp and stole food with the strength of ten men. That's a monkey. Well, it wore a Sasquatch. And it turns out it's a gorilla.

So there you go. A lot of animals actually started out as myths because no one had rock-hard evidence that they existed, but it turns out they existed all along. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM. Nicki Minaj, very body positive, confident.

You know, she likes to shake her ta-tas at the best of times. But she was performing, look down, whole boobs popped out. Ta-ta is out. Whole boobs. Does that happen a lot? No, they don't just sort of like fling about. Yeah, okay. But I think if you're, you know, she wears outfits,

I guess that they're sort of more out. They're not going to pop out of my T-shirt here, but they might pop out if you were wearing a sort of zip down top. Yeah, okay. And she was like, oh my God. Tucked it away. Her face is like, excuse me? So this is at a concert.

Oh, yeah. So there's video. Oh, no. Now everyone's seeing away. Her face is like, excuse me? So this is at a concert. Oh yeah. Oh no. Now everyone's seeing you. None the wiser. And then suddenly she just goes, oh my god, my boob. Who was that singer that was performing and their pants ripped and their... Lenny Kravitz. Yeah, and everyone saw his Kravitz. Staged.

You reckon he did that on purpose? Why? Imagine I've never worn a pair of leather pants. Yeah. But my thought would be, you've got to wear an undie. No undies under a leather pant? Yeah. Madness.

And you've got a schlong that size? You're telling me that you didn't want people to see it? Yeah. Are you going to go on my week? That was the sound of it hitting the stage. Harry Styles? Oh, yeah. He split his pants, eh?

And we saw schlong? No. She didn't say no. I'm only interested if we we saw schlong? No, Shannon's not. I'm only interested if we see schlong. I'm only interested if we see no there, yeah. Okay. She has researched that moment. Yeah. Anyway, she was like, no one told me, whole boob, flesh, nip, everything.

Oh wow, okay. Anyway, mortifying. And then it's on the internet for everyone to see because you're performing. Exactly. Worst nightmare. Now, let's have a giggle before the long weekend for those that celebrate. When do your bits pop out? You know, when you look down.

We were at the cafe yesterday before we went and did something. Who knows? And I was looking across and there was an NZME person working there. Yeah. And their whole fly was undone. Not only undone, but spread wide and I could see his undies. Because when you sit...

Spread wide. The zit will go out. I didn't see bits. But he would have felt a breeze. If he was raw dogging it, I would have seen... Shaft. Yeah, okay, right.

Pouser. Wow. I want to know the moment where a bit, an embarrassing bit has just popped out. Maybe it was a wardrobe malfunction or a rip. Yeah. Sometimes Fletch rocks a dangerously short short. Yeah, but always tight underwear on underneath.

He's cradled. Yeah. But if you weren't, I would have seen more than I bargained for. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Well, 0800DARZAN, and we'd love to take your calls on this. Text through 9696.

When did your bits pop out? Great stories coming through. When did your bits accidentally pop out? We'd forgotten our friend Morgan, sexologist Morgan, had a photo taken at the launch of your latest season's podcast. Yeah, we threw a little party.

It's me, Morgan, and Morgan's mum, arms like this, and she had like a slip dress and it just went to the side. You know Morgan never wears a bra. And then her brother was like, oh, Morgan. Whole boob out in the middle of the bar. So good. All right, some messages in. We'll get to some calls first.

Shan, when did your bits pop out? Okay, so first time caller, long time listener. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Hold your horses there, Shan I'm sorry Your order must be First time caller Okay, so I was

I want to ring the bell for you But you're not No, you said it around the wrong way It's long time listener, first time caller Long time listener Wait a minute, let's start again You're not saying the right words. No, you said it around the wrong way. It's long-time listener, first-time caller. Long-time listener, first-time caller. Wait a minute. Let's start again.

Fletch, go to work. Let's start again. Just pretend this hasn't happened. Pretend this hasn't happened. We'll pretend this hasn't happened, Shan. Okay. Oh, Shan, good morning. When'd your bits pop out? Okay, so I was about...

No, Shan! Shan! Wait a minute. wait a minute. That was where you say long time listener. You say firstly goes... Say it. Yeah, say it now. Okay, okay.

We'll go again. Action. Okay, action. Shan, welcome to the show. Hey, long time listener, first time caller. Yay! Woo! Oh, great.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, Shan. Shan, when did your bits pop out? Okay, so I was at Glenfield Pools back in the day with my brother. Classic, yes. Yep, yep, I was on a hydroslide. Oh, no. An underrated hydroslide at the Glenfield Pools. Yep.

That hydroslide ruled. It was a dark one as well. I forget what they called it, but it was scary. And I went down it and thought I was so cool afterwards. And me and my brother, we're walking back and everyone's looking at me smiling. I'm thinking, yeah, man, I'm so cool. And then I look down and my little itty bitty titty.

Wait, how old were you? I was about 13. Yeah. They're new, eh? They're new and old. Yeah, little mozzie bites. I was so embarrassed to say I just died a thousand deaths. Oh my God, that's so good.

Shan, thank you so much. Thanks, Shan. Have a great weekend. Claire, when did your bits pop out accidentally? So I was only young as I was 19 with my first baby. So I had a baby on my hip, a wallet in my other hand, and I was at the counter at a sweet shop. Yeah.

And my baby pulled my boob tube top down. Can they just grab, don't they? Yeah. So my boob tube top down. Can they just grab, don't they? So my boob popped out. The lady behind the counter was mortified. She turned around quickly and I'm kind of juggling my wallet in one hand, the baby in the other, trying to get my top back up. It was mortifying.

She turned around and she's like, I don't want anything. What would have been worse if she'd been like, let me give you a hand and you're're expecting her to take the boobie, but she just pops the boobie back out. So you can tuck the girls back in. Yeah, she could have helped you out. Cleo, thank you.

Connor, when did your bits pop out? So, no, it wasn't my bits. It was my wife. Okay. But I caused it. Oh, okay. So it was on our wedding day. Oh, no.

And we were on the dance floor. And big circle around us. You know, we were the focal point. Yeah. And I did a big dip. I dipped her over my knee. And she was wearing a strapless dress. Oh, it slipped down, didn't it?

Oh, no. And the ta-tas. Fall exposure. Oh. Fall exposure. In front of your beloved. How do you tuck them back in? Because the wedding dress would have come,

when you stood her back up, would have gone tight against, under the breasts. Yeah, well, so it got pulled down. She had one arm up and then one arm around me. So she didn't actually realise overly quickly, but I did. And I just pulled her back up, pulled her against me. But it was too late by that point. Oh, no.

Oh, mate. How quick was the recovery? Quick enough, but when I pulled her back up, it was easy enough to do. Everyone's having photos and videos of the first dance, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true. We got boobs. Thank you, Connor.

Tanya, when did the bits pop out? Hi there. Look, many years ago, family went to Australia for a wedding, and we thought we'd go to the fun park. So I've been on that typical ride where you stand, and it goes around and around and around and keeps you on the side. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah. So my nephew, who's a couple of years younger than me, he thought he'd be really fancy and try to impress a couple of girls on the ride. So he flipped himself upside down. But unfortunately, he was wearing really short shorts. So his bits came out. The funny thing is that his cousin, who is also a guy, was right beside him. So his face was sitting right at that point where this was sticking in his face.

And there's a bit of a... Swinging around. That was all that. And then, so he couldn't do anything about it until the end of the ride. He just walked off. But the funny thing is that his name is also Willie. Oh, great. Willie's got his Willie out.

Willie's Willie. Yes, brilliant. Oh, that's so good, Tanya. Thank you. So many messages. So many messages coming through. We're basically constantly nude according to these messages.

Oh my God. Accidentally and we don't know it. Mortifying. We're talking about when your bits fall out and I will say to repeat recidious? No.

Repeat offenders. Repeat offenders. There's a word for it, right? Yeah. Testicles and boobies. Yeah. Now, also, old men's testicles and no undies seem to be one hell of a combo for exposing yourself,

so I will say go into the long weekend. Yeah, it does make me wonder if it's on purpose. It's nine o'clock. We've got so many messages in. I wish we had longer because some of these are so traumatizing. Some of them are so embarrassing. But funny. I was working in the Middle East and both boobs popped out of a strapless dress that I was wearing to a ball.

The Middle East? I was drunk and sitting down and I went to get up and knelt on the dress, pulling it down, exposing both breasts to a very shocked and I'll say somewhat happy couple of guys. Yeah. Somebody said a family reunion that recidivist Thank you for the text message

people. Yeah. Oh my god, someone said in 2010 I was out in the club taking pics. Remember how I used to take pics? Yes. Five years later, I saw the photo on Facebook. My nipple had been out that entire time and no one told me.

Five years that photo's been up on Facebook. Just like, hey! Nipple out. Yeah, no one said anything. If it makes you feel any better, someone probably had it bookmarked. Also, what kind of nipple do you have that Facebook's auto AI detection

didn't pick up your nipple? Very light tone, I think. Light in colour. Wet and wild slide. Hit the water at the bottom. Stood up. My bikini was around my ears. Yeeks. It was kind of tangled around my head, kind of strangling me. And everyone got a good look at my bodacious

set of ta-tas. If you were a lifeguard at the bottomacious set of ta-tas. Lovely. If you were a lifeguard at the bottom of the hydro side, you'd just be living for all of those wardrobe malfunctions. We had a family reunion. My little brother kneeled down at the front. Once we had the photos printed and distributed to the entire family with his penis was hanging at the bottom of the shorts. A photo that was on our great-grandparents' shelf for I don't know how long.

So good. I mean, do you just leave it there now or do you just put a sticker over it? Listen to this. I used to teach an RPM class, spin class. Oh, yeah. I was teaching a class of about 50 people. All of a sudden, I felt it was quite breezy. Both of my boobs had come out of my crop top and were jiggling around like spaniel's ears.

Spaniel's ears. Good from you. So descriptive. Now, I mean, we've done cycle classes. You tell the instructor, right? I'd be like, hon, hon. Yeah, just kind of like. And she'd be like, yep, crank it up. Next level.

No, no, no. Your spaniels are out. Another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay. They never left.

No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.