ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 28th March, 2025

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

On todays episode of Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod Vaughan is going to pop Hayley's pimple Celibacy Week Nikki Glaser reveals who's on Raya Top 6 Features of an Air NZ uniform Lady Gaga left us off her tour What celeb gave you the ick Eli Matthewson  SLP - Would you buy a designer product if it wasn't visually obvious New food trend Why TF did I buy this? Fact of the day Brin has signed up for something Couples feel closer after arguing See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network

This is Fleshwood and Hayley's Big Pod Thanks to Animates. Making happy happen for pets. He's a good boy Albrin Albrin is a good boy He's a good boy Albrin We need to chat to Brn later on the show. Yeah, we are going to have a little word with him.

He's signed up for something. I worry about him. We don't know what he's signed up for. We're in the complete dark. The producer girlies have said we should get Bryn on. He's got a good story. I think Bryn could tell an average story very well. I just love listening to him speak.

I worry about him, not to the level I worry about Shannon. You know what I mean, as Shannon's guardians. Yeah, we are Shannon's guardians. But we sort of are the guardians of the company, really, just sort of looking out for everyone. Do you know what? If I can put praise where praise is due. Please, we love praise.

We look after Shannon, but Shannon looked after me this morning. I came in very dry eyes. Very, very dry eyes. And she said, I've got a spare contact lens. Do you want to pull the goo in your eye? Now, that sounds insane I was listening to this go down While I was eating breakfast

And I was like I probably wouldn't be pouring Shannon's goo in my eye But it was a fresh one Freshie I broke the seal for him It's just saline, right? Basically

I think so It did, it worked a treat I just And then I let him play with the contact I showed him what way is right way And wrong way Showed him how the contact. I showed him what way is right way and wrong way. Showed him how they're blue. I grew up with glasses.

Four eyes. Four eyes, freak loser. Sorry, carry on. Did you hear Shannon laugh? Nerd. I've got glasses, it's fine. Four eyed, freak loser. Never gonna get a girlfriend.

Vaughn's got a small penis. Wow, just start the show with a light bit of teasing. Yeah, I think so. But I've also got a stigmatism in my eyes that meant I couldn't wear contact lenses. Oh, what a loser. What a loser. I don't have one of those.

I wish they never opened up to you guys. Wow. Quite harsh from somebody that needs Vaughn's help next. Oh, yeah, okay. I'll tell you, I've been leaning on my friends a lot recently, and yesterday I hit the group chat, Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley, and I asked for a favour, and who stepped up? Vaughan Allen-Smith.

I said no immediately. You said this sounds like a job for Aaron. Let's discuss this next. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley. I have been, do you know what, my skin's really good at the moment. I've been on a real acne journey this year. Butt, remember? Got the, my butt was

covered. Yeah. Yesterday did you pick me up with some butt acne stuff? I was just going to say, did that make the show cut for content? No, it didn't. No, it didn't. It didn't. No, it didn't. I was in Show Sponsor Chemist Warehouse. Yeah. Where's the show sponsor bell? Fantastic. Yeah, there you go. It didn't. No, it didn't. I was in show sponsor Chemist Warehouse. Yeah.

Where's the bell for us? Where's the show sponsor bell? Fantastic. Yeah, there you go. Show sponsor Chemist Warehouse. Just while you're doing that, I will say cracking SD deals at the moment at the Chemist Warehouse, including 30% off the Glolab range. You love the Glolab range? We love it.

That's the soap that I use and I put it in my fancy dispenser and say it's from Italy. It's good soap. It's good soap. It's good soap. Glorabe. Yeah. Glorabe. Glorabe. Yeah.

So I was in Strasbourg's chemistry house. But I was on a phone call. What told me that, guys? I was like, do you have a nice mouth? And the woman was like, What do you mean?

You just walked to where the toothpaste is. Mate. It's a whole warehouse full of chemist supplies. And then afterwards, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, on the phone call, and I was like, do you have, like, I don't know, is it a specific wash for butt pimples? Oh, God. And she was like, what?

I was like, my friend wants the butt pimple wash. And she's like, what? There's no butt. No, it's not called specific butt pimple wash. There's no, what are you talking about? No, it's not called specific butt pimple wash. What's it called? It's a body wash by CeraVe.

You know, like just like a normal, it's got particular ingredients in it. It's known for clearing butt acne and I was like. Well, it was confusing and then I got a little bit embarrassed.

And she's like, let's go have a look and I was like, it's okay, I'll come back tomorrow. Well, listen, enough about my butt acne,

okay, I'm dealing with it. I'm working on it. But I, yesterday's go have a look. And I was like, it's okay, I'll come back tomorrow. Well, listen, enough about my butt acne, okay? I'm dealing with it. I'm working on it. But yesterday I was in a rehearsal space and it was really hot in there. So my T-shirt rolled up and tucked into my bra and I was just wearing my like sports shorts and stuff. And I practiced in front of this mirror.

It's incredibly embarrassing. I turned around, I just saw this whopping pimple on my back, like towards, I could feel it on the centre of my spine. And I've never, it's not where I would normally get a pimple. You know, normally you get pimples kind of like high up on the back. So it's like right in the middle, just one. Because normally they're where like your undies or your bra would be, right? Your bra would be or where your undies would be.

But it's just sort of in the middle. It's a no man's land. Yeah, and I can feel it's a juicer. And I don't want to put Aaron through this because I need him to see me as attractive sexually. Right. So that we're not a pimple popping couple. So I turned to him.

Are you not? I thought you would have been. No, no, no. I don't want to pop his pimples. I'm not into that at all. What about a nice blackhead? Oh, they're saying blackheads hit different.

Blackheads hit different. We're not talking about blackheads. This is a juicer. So I hit up my brothers, Fletch and Vaughn and I come to the chat and I go, listen, guys we can't be having this. This is not the vibe. I'm going to need one of you to step up to the plate. Now, Fletch immediately dismisses me and says this feels like a job for Aaron,

to which I've explained. I need him to see me as sexually attractive. I don't need that from you. I didn't know that you weren't a pimple couple. No, we're not a pimple couple. Intervawn. Yowda. My good friend.

Because you know on the Christmas podcast, right, we had Dr. Shawnee come and pop that pimple that was sort of on my upper butt. That's right. He did a real surgical procedure on you. A little lance, a squeeze, and then a wipe. But Vaughan, I reckon we could just raw dog it. Lance, squeeze, and wipe.

Why can't you just reach around and do it? I can't see it and I need it to be emptied. Right. Okay. I showed it to you, eh? Is it ready? You guys ruined the timing of my funny joke. Oh, did you do a joke? Okay. Did I show it to you? Is it ready? You guys ruined the timing of my funny joke. Oh, did you do a joke?

Okay, sorry. What was the prompt? And we'll go back. It was the Lance squeeze and sloth. Oh, okay, yeah. So Dr. Shawnee did it and he lanced it, he squeezed it, and then he wiped it. Lance squeeze and sloth.

Oh, God. Wow, that was great. Lance squeeze and wipe. Lance squeeze and wipe was my improv group's name. It would have been way better first time around. I don't think it was. That was actually my Rock Quest band name. Lance squeeze and White. Lance Queez and White was my improv group's name. It would have been way better first time around. I don't think it was. That was actually my Rock West band name. I was trying something different because we always say Rock West band name.

Fletch killed that. Damn it, God damn it. Man. So glad we went back for that. Yeah, awesome. So what, now Vaughn is going to do this. You know what, I am glad we went back because I would have died not knowing. You would have died not knowing how much that would have popped up.

My beautiful daughters and I'm guessing a treasure trove of grandchildren would have been like, what's granddad or they'll give me a cool granddad name. Happy. Like pop pop. Pop pop. Pop pop. What's your life's biggest regret? I'd be like, I never got to see whether or not the improv joke about the last

squeeze in white man would have landed. It didn't land. It didn't land. It didn't land. We'll do this. Not when I'm around. Do it later. Should we have a private pimple popping session this weekend? Because I was going to get tissues.

Use an alcohol wiper or a KFC. Let's get some hand sanitiser. Use a KFC refresher towel afterwards. Let's order some chicken. Get some Sandy Wives. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Celibacy week. Nice fresh breath.

Yeah, it's great. I can smell it. It goes through your mic and it comes out mine. Perfect, because it doesn't feel the fur on the back part of my teeth that I definitely missed when I was brushing them this morning. It doesn't feel like it would. Celibacy week has been floated, and I was like, dumb. If you can get laid, get laid.

You know, that's my opinion. Do you know what? If it's on offer. Anywhere, anytime. I was just floating to these two how much fun it would be to make love at Hobbiton, and I was ridiculed. Yuck. I would say we mercifully ridiculed you.

It's been a rough morning to be me. Actually, you are. You're up for a good bullying today, boy. I deserve it. Where am I going? Jesus Christ, switch on. Salivacy week. Producer Shannon pitched this idea.

Yesterday for the show. Yeah. And we all just mowed her down. Then she re-pitched today, which I'm going to say. A more bullying occurred. I admire a re-pitch on a failed attempt to get some content on the show. This is just a stupid idea. But her re-pitch won me over

and here we are. Okay. Celibacy week isn't just like, hey, let's not shag this week and not have babies for one week. There's a reason. Because I was like, that's ridiculous. Babies are born premature. Babies go over. If you're going to be like, we want no babies born in this month, in this week, you'd probably be best to say

this three month period, no one's doing it. Yeah, right. But what's this celibacy week about? But now I know why we're trying to avoid this specific week. To Shannon we go. Yeah, so these two influencers, Red and Link, have come up with this. And basically the idea is, for the sake of your unborn baby,

don't create one this week because they'll be born between Christmas and New Year's and that sucks. For them. It does suck. And for their friends. Everybody knows someone born on Christmas. Like our friend James. David Farrier. Jesus.

Jesus was born on Christmas. That really stuffed up Christmas day for this family. He's like, I want to have a party. They're like, no, it's for Christmas. We stay together as a family. He's like, I want to have a party. They're like, no, it's for Christmas. We stay together as a family. He's like, are you kidding me? One big giant present?

Oh, my God. Instead of two. And they were like, Christmas was so better before you were born. And he knows what it's going to be because it's cross-shaped and they've wrapped it. And he's like, why not cross? I've got another one. I know that one's a box of favourites.

I remember it sucked for people in the January, early January, because we weren't at school, so none of their school friends cared. Oh, yeah. Because when we used to go to high school, it was your birthday, you always got flowers from everyone. Yeah. It's like this tradition. But if your birthday wasn't on a school day, like, no one cared.

Yeah. But it was good because it meant you could have a midweek sleepover party. Oh, yeah, good party. Yeah. Summer vibes, summer vibes. Yeah, summer outside, you go in a tent. This is so ridiculous. Yeah, I mean...

Because you'd be better to do it for two months. Yeah. I mean, this guy, this guy, this guy suggested sleeping for two months. You heard it here, Fletch is opting out of sex for two months. No, I'm just saying, because, like, for example,

your daughter Indy, was she six weeks early? Six weeks early. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, it's not the most, like, for example, your daughter Indy, she was six weeks early. Six weeks early. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, it's not the most, like, cut and dry. This is an influencer idea. Wait, you're telling me that Shannon put forward a non-scientifically backed idea for TikTok?

Yeah. I put it forward twice. Is this the first? She put it forward twice. Well, now that we've talked about it, do you think, I don't know, it was worth it? Yeah. Do you feel like we should do it again?

Yeah. Do you feel like we should do it again? Yeah. It's basically a way to say if you, like, get pregnant now, you're going to have a Christmas baby. Because you know how everybody knows that the September 1st is New Year's bangers. Oh, yeah. I think it's after, isn't it? October 1st is the Valentine's bangers. Yeah, I'm a Valentine's bang. And my brother's a Valentine's bang.

Because my brother's the 7th of October, I'm the 8th, but three years apart. So my parents were only shagging on Valentine's Day for a while. Right. I'm a cow's got dried off bang. You what?

The cow's got dried off bang. So at the end of the milking season, farmers have a bit more time on their hands and the cows are dried off so they don't need to get up to milk, but they're up that early in the morning. So of course they... What else is there to do?

Bang. Yeah, bang. Okay. And then what are you? You're June. So June, July, August, September. You're like a spring bang. There's a website

you can look up your date of conception and it'll tell you the number and so on. When you were conceived and born. I think it might be a UK site

so it's like based on the UK charts. But yeah, there's a date of conception calculator. Oh my God. That you can work out your birthday and stuff. So you're trying to work out what your parents were listening to when they made you. Yes, yes, yes. What they likely put on the wireless.

Remember when we used to make love to the wireless? The radio. The radio, they'd put it on. They'd put on some love songs till midnight. And Gayle Ludlow wouldn't talk too much because obviously that's... Interrupts the love making. That's why she also would come on and speak like this.

Do you know the name of this website? What? It's called Pork Track. Pork Track. Pork Track. No, there's another one. I've seen another one that wasn't called that. Thanks to Pork Track.

Pork Track. That was my... Let's not use that as an... That was my Rock Quest band's name in high school. Oh, no, that wasn't called that. Thanks to Pork Track. Pork Track. Let's not use that, isn't it? That was my Rock West band's name in high school. Oh, no, that didn't work. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Now, great synergy there.

Chris Martin leading into Gwyneth Paltrow. They have kids together, were married, consciously uncoupled. And it's enough to make you feel old because their kids are like old now. Yeah, Apple's like a pro. Apple's like a fully grown adult person. Apple's gone all brown and stuff. Yeah, Apple should have had some lemon squeezed on her. Weird.

Gwyneth Paltrow has a podcast for her Goop brand. Okay. Goop, famously known for the yoni steaming and the candle that smells like my vagina. Didn't they do that lamp, that croissant lamp, and it got ants in it? It got ants in it. Yeah.

Because it was definitely from Timu. Yeah. And she does all these weird beauty things that are not backed by science. Yeah. But I kind of like it. I like it that she's like, shut up. And people are like, I'll pay a million dollars for that.

Anyway, it's fine. So she's got this podcast and she gets celebrities on. Nikki Glaser, who hosted the Golden Globes. It was the Golden Globes that she hosted? Oh, she hosted. She did that. Probably her biggest moment, pop culture moment last year was the roast. Well, she's known for her roasts.

Yeah, her roasts are amazing. Yeah, she's incredible. She's such an amazing comedian. Funny comedian, yeah. Very funny. She went on this podcast and was being interviewed about life and all sorts of things. She talked about all the amount of filler she has because she has a very unstructured face, she said, so she gets a lot of filler

to have a structured face. Right. She talked about how her and her partner, who have been off and on for 13 years, so I was like, so what, how long have you actually been together for? July 17, she's going to be in New Zealand. Did you know this?

Yes, I did. Yes. Because I'm not here. Oh, you're going to miss her. Yeah. Okay. And I'm gutted because I really, really love her. She talked about couples therapy,

how her and her boyfriend had gone to couples therapy, but they've been an off and on couple for 13 years. And in between, she gets on Raya. Because she also spoke about how she finds it hot that he hooks up with other women. Yeah. She's like, I wish this wasn't my thing, but I love it that my partner hooks up with

other women. I love it she's so open about that. Yeah. Like, gets off on it. That's crazy. I've never even considered that. And so, as part of this,. That's crazy. I would, I've never even considered that. And so as part of this, when she's in the single phases without her partner, she goes on Raya, which we talked about before, is like an elite kind of celebrity based dating app. You've got to be invited to it.

Karwin's been on, looking for it for a couple of years. She was invited, but not accepted. Not accepted. And then she's been her partner like the normal way. Yeah. And still hasn't been accepted. Yeah. But Bryn, our newsreader was on it, wasn't he?

He was on Raya. There's, you know, there's New Zealand Raya. He's got a blue tick though, so. I don't have one of those. It's a shillin' for Raya, apparently. Maybe I should get one. So she was talking about like when she's on Raya, yes, she saw Ben Affleck,

because he's one of the famous ones that everyone talks about went out with good yeah she said your ex she was like i tried to hook up with your ex like multiple times and he never responded and the other one she said was andrew garfield and she was like i'm gutted there he's attractive wait so she would be such a lovely boyfriend i know he's really having a moment showing up as a man. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I love him. Opening up his little chat with Elmo.

So does she. We're going about grief. On Spider-Man. And I, because I don't know how Raya works, but can you see that someone's seen your messages or your profile? She was like, I feel like Andrew Garfield didn't see my profile, even though I clicked on it and clicked on it and clicked on it and clicked on it. But yeah, so I mean, because the

thing with Raya is you're not really supposed to say. I know, but yet, like, there are always like, reels and TikToks about who's on it. Yeah, who's on it. Well, Ben Affleck and Andrew Garfield on the dating apps. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan

and Hayley. From the unmoderated comment section this is the top six Exciting stuff New Air New Zealand uniform being designed by New Zealand designer Amelia Wickstead I'm not familiar with her work

but people are raving about her Do you know? I do, I do I think we're in for like a big change because the original ones which are they're Trillier Trillies

Trillies Trillies yeah yeah they're they're maybe more I don't want to say old fashioned because I don't mean that but you know what I mean

they're a little bit more sort of classic silhouettes whereas this new design is a little bit more modern so it'll be interesting like why can't we just go back to $100 airfares and, like, dress them in glasses and Hauensteins?

A nice pair of glasses and slacks and a singlet. A nice pair of slacks and a blouse. A sensible pair of slacks. A blouse, you know? She's got slacks and a blouse. Slacks and a blouse. Even the guys, put them in a blouse. Put them in a slacks and a blouse.

Put them in a nice men's blouse. Yeah, put a name tag on it, and then make the flights cheaper. I mean, do I have to run an airline? I mean, they do need a CEO, don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd make it only green lollies too. Oh, God, he thumbed that in.

Controversial. Well, the designer, listen to this, a little... We're not letting any of us be funny today. There's a real... If one of us is going down, all of us is going down energy in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever. All cracking jokes.

All I eat is a white lolly. Do you know what? You know what? You know what? Hold on. Just give me a little check. I've got to check what's on the show again. I'm very tired.

I can't remember what we discussed. You're all right, Bubba. You're all right. You made it through a big week. What kicked this off? You know what? You know what started this? What?

I don't think anybody's funny. Someone bombed last night at comedy. Hey. That was private hey that was private that was private and for the 20 people that didn't laugh at me someone ate shit

someone tanked guys I ate shit last night on stage and that's why she can't let anybody else be funny today because she was it last night and I've been so funny before the show

and she wasn't having a bar event should we form an alliance just stay in your lane we'll find each other very funny we'll find each other very funny

and Hayley you're on your own no no please I've already bombed your own. No, no, please. I've already bombed in the last 24 hours. No, you've got to have a rough bottom before you can start taking your way back up. Yeah. The designer born in Auckland. At 14, she moved to Italy, where she became mesmerised with fashion.

How lovely. Then studied designer marketing at Central Saint Martins. Moved to New York. Worked at Vogue and Narciso Rodriguez. Listen to your Kiwi just stain as you read that list. No, it's just like, hell's bells. A lot accomplished.

I only moved to Italy at 14. Yeah. She's awesome. Yeah. Young, fresh perspective. It's great. So the top six features that I can guarantee are going to be in the New Zealand.

Is it blouse? Number one is a blouse. Is it slacks and a blouse? No. Number six is Uggs with a sloped sole. They always slope in. They always slope in. They always slope in and they never slope out. It's always sloped in and it makes the people walk a little bit pigeon-toed

and they always scuff them when they walk down the aisle. Got to be comfortable because they spend all their flight on their feet, you know? That's why they change from their heel to their kitten heel. Yeah. Have you noticed that? No. Flight attendants get on board with one shoe and then a particular long haul. No, they don't.

They shouldn't even have to wear kitten heels. No, they don't. They get on board with their airport shoes and then when they're in the plane, they change for a lower heel. I don't know what they do. I think it's the same shoe. That's not... You look when you fly.

When you fly, they change shoes. I'm flying today. I'm going to look. No, on a long haul. Yeah, 45 minutes. She's changing the rules. She's changing the rules. Yeah. Don't bully me. Brotherhood. Brother rules. She's changing the rules. Don't bully me.

Brotherhood, brotherhood, brotherhood, brotherhood. Shit, in the last 24 hours. Ian, there's still some more on your plate. Tuck in. Number five on the list of the top six features of a New Zealand uniform. Trackies with miscellaneous stains and holes in the side that look like someone fell asleep with a durry in their hand. Yes. Like an old 90s Barker's book.

Yeah. They were the pride and joy of the original owners, but you got them from the Sally's. Number four on the list of the top six are features of an Air New Zealand uniform. Speaking of foot comfort, jandals and rugby socks. Oh yeah, when you've got to really work the toe. Really kick the toe in. That's why I love Birks

and socks, because you don't need to thumb that thing between the toes. Number three on the list of the top six Air New Zealand uniform features. Some people will just be walking around with a towel wrapped around them. Like they're either at the beach and they're nipping up for an ice cream, or they're just going out to the line to get the clothes off the line after the shower that they need a lovely two-race seat. It'll fall down.

It'll see everything. You can be pinned. Although if you'd spill a bit of tea on the tray table, you can just wipe it up with your dress. Number two on the list of the top six features of the Air New Zealand uniform, short shorts. Those rugby shorts that are different coloured

on the left side to the right side. And often expose dudes' balls if they sit down a bit funny. Canterbury stubbies. Yeah. I love a good pair of stubbies. No, they're too thick. Oh, my thighs kiss.

And the canvas is too thick in the middle. It really rubs. I like the nylon ones. They're cool. Yeah, they're good. They're good. And number one on the list of the top six features of the New Zealand uniform, there will be the hooded rankings.

If you're low-level staff, if you're new, you'll be wearing a Leisure Club hoodie. Okay. If you're mid-crew, someone with a bit more experience, you can wear a White Fox hoodie. And if you're upper echelon managers, pilots, senior staff, you get to wear a UNO clothing hoodie. I thought he was going to say a Nene Bing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. No a Nene Bing, no a Panini Bing. No, no, no. No a nanny bing, no a pananny bing. You know how expensive that is. That's ridiculous. If you want $100 flights, no one's wearing a nanny ping, bing, ding. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Guys, guess who's going on a huge world tour?

Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga has announced yesterday her The Mayhem Ball Oh okay Now we love Lady Gaga Do we go last time she was here?

I don't know When was her big tour, the last big tour? It's been a while She did that massive world tour and it was an amazing show. I've never seen her live and I would definitely go. Like, she's an incredible performer

and even just the art of it all would be amazing. It was an insane stage show. Well, don't get excited. She's not coming to New Zealand. Oh, boo! Oh, she's not even coming to Australia.

Boo-hiss. Yet. Well. Where is she going? America, America, America, America, America, America, America, America. That's not the world.

This is World Series all over again. They're not even inviting anybody else to play baseball. Then we've got Canada, Canada. Kangaga. Kangaga, Canada. We've got London. All through the UK. Kangaroo.

Shut up. Sweden. Let me be funny today. No, you can't. No one's allowed to be funny. Just because you bombed doesn't mean we all have to. Is a kangaga a kangaroo from Canada? Good stuff.

What? We've formed an alliance. Alliance has been broken. No alliances. Alliance has been broken. No alliances. Every man for himself. Every man and woman for themselves now.

We've got Sweden. We've got Italy. We've got Spain, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium. A lot in France. She's doing one, two, three, four, five in France. Nothing. Yeah, but see, nothing in Fiji. A lot of places will then go announce later on the Asia and the Pacific.

Australia. Yeah, totally. Like huge bands. I'm sorry. I can only think of Metallica at the moment. But the big bands, they do that. They go, here's our tour. And then half the world's left off.

And you go, oh, okay. And then they go, new dates released. So like, fingers crossed. Yeah. Surely she'll come here. Where would she go? Eden Park. Yeah, you'd think so.

She'd have to do a couple of Eden Parks. She'd have to do a couple of Edens. And do you know what? Because we're in New Zealand, it'll be a Wednesday. It'll be Wednesday because she will have come from Australia on the weekend. But, yeah. Fingers crossed. The gays must be up in arms.

The Kiwi gays haven't slept all night. They're dehydrated today before the tears they release. When does this kick off overseas? This is July. July kicks off. In Vegas it starts July 16th all through August, September, October, November. Then maybe pause for Christmas and then start again

in 2026. Yeah, so if she does come, it's not going to be this year at all. No. It'll be next year. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. He's gutted Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. He's gutted A today.

He's down. I'm devastated. He's down in the dumps. You sent this in the group chat and I was like, what's wrong with us? What's happening? I put a screen cap from an Instagram story and I sent it to our group chat this morning before work saying, have you ever had your number one celebrity crush give you the ick? Because A is Aza Gonzalez. Can you remind me?

If you're talking Vaughn Smith 10s, she's a Vaughn Smith 12. She's a 12, yeah. She was in the Ministry of Ungenuinely Warfare, which we loved. She was the female spy. She was in Baby Driver. She was in Three Body Problem on Netflix.

She's been in a whole lot of stuff. Just don't worry about it. She's like hot and Mexican, right? Yeah. She's a Three Body Problem on Netflix. She's been in a whole lot of stuff. Just don't worry about it. She's like hot and Mexican, right? Yeah. She's a woman with 12. And she was in New Zealand. She's doing all this promo for a movie called Ash, which she's in with the guy that played Jesse on Breaking Bad,

Aaron Paul. Aaron Paul? Yeah. Which was filmed in New Zealand. Really? Just down the road from my house. No one told me. No one told me. No one told me.

Yeah, just as bloody well. That is number one crush. You would have been an absolute pig. You would have got the drone out. You remember how embarrassing I was when Jason was in the country? It would have been worse. It would have been, I would have made an absolute fool of myself. She's so beautiful and like funny.

And I listened to a podcast with her yesterday about family trips. And I just like, number one celebrity crush, right? Yeah. This morning, the photo I sent through, she's got an OctoBuddy on the back of her phone, which if you don't know

what an OctoBuddy is, on the back of your phone case, you buy this little silicon rectangle and you stick it on. It's adhesive on one side and the other side's got... Suckers.

It's like someone cut a rectangle out of that bath mat in hotels. It's like brown. a rectangle out of that bath mat in hotels Yeah It's like brown Because my daughter had one On her And she'd be like Dad hold my phone And I'd go to put it in my pocket And the octobit would be like

No I don't go in pockets Like silicon-y Yeah because it sticks to the material And then you'd have to stick it to the backside of your phone And then you had this double width It's a real ache for you And then you'd have to stick it to the backside of your phone and then you had this double width. It's a real ache for you.

Gosh, it's so funny. And I was, there I was, Vaughn Smith, ready to... Ready to sleep with her and now obviously it's cooled off. Because of the octobody. Yeah, so you're saying if she came up to you and said, Vaughn, she'd be like, can I grab your number? And she'd pull out the phone and it had an octobody. I'd be like, I'd give her the wrong digit at'd pull out the phone. And you'd be like. I'd be like. I'd give her the wrong digit at the end. O2.

You'd make up a phone number. My nine or seven. I'd do it. Oh, my God. Nah. But I was like. No, you wouldn't. Oh, more.

Babe. Take that off your phone. It's embarrassing. We can change people. How ridiculous is that This ugly little idiot This moron down here This four-eyed git

Hey, that absolutely stunning Amazing Hollywood actress Beautiful Universally agreed upon 12 out of 10 Babe It's not for me anymore Because of the octave, buddy.

Awful, awful, awful foam case. I want to know when your celebrity crush gave you the it because it's a heartbreaking moment. Every now and then Henry Cavill wears some real dad jeans

and they're like not attractive. See, that makes me even hornier for Henry Cavill. No, it's just it's a poor cut and I'm like... He should know better. He should know better.

He should be more tapered. It's fine. It's fine. Like, I'll look past it. But maybe it was something your celebrity crush was into or said in an interview. Yeah, or they did this thing on socials

and you were like, yuck. Oh, no, a hot take? Oh! There's nothing worse than a shit hot take. What about all the celebrities that were like, imagine all the people. It was five years the other day

or something since that and I was just like, sorry Gal Gadot, but you are off the list. Okay, 0800DARLSATM, call us now. You can text through 9696. When did your celebrity crush

break your heart by giving you the egg? I've decided to forgive her. What got you over the line? I just like read a bit more and saw some photos. Right, the insane hotness, right, of Aza Gonzalez.

So you, has now overcome the fact that this morning she put a video on her Instagram story and she was holding her cellular telephone. Cellular telephone? With an Octobuddy on the back, which is the thing with like suction,

so you can stick it to a window and do a TikTok dance or something. Yeah. But I'm over it now. I'm sorry, Aza. You're not. It'll always be there. It's taken a slice.

Well, we want to know what celebrity gave you the ick and why. Yeah. No, specifically it's got to be your crush. Yeah,, we want to know what celebrity gave you the ick and why. Yeah. No, specifically it's got to be your crush. Yeah, it's got to be a celebrity crush that you love, and then they gave you the ick. Niamh, good morning. Good morning.

Good morning. What was the celebrity that you had a crush on? Okay, Post Malone. Post Malone. I get it. Weird. He had it, right? That was the bad boy? Yeah, bad boy. He had tattoos on the There was the bad boy. Yeah, bad boy.

Tattoos on the face. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, take him home to mom and she'll be like, Hayley, no. No, but it was the face tattoos that did it. Nobody needs to know that you're always tired. Like, get some sleep. That's right. What did he do?

What was it that gave him that? That gave you that? When he got the tattoos under the eyes. I just barbed wire before he died. He's always tired. Under his eyes. You don't need to tell people you're always tired. I don't understand.

Niamh is really upset about this. I'm so sorry. I can hear the sadness in your voice. We're all always tired. Ah. Like, that just goes without saying. We don't need to tattoo it. Your eyes will tell me that you're tired.

Have you been able to recover from this, Niamh? No. Because I know I knew someone with a big crush on Post Malone and then when he lost all the weight, they were like, Oh, no, yeah, we like him chunky. Yeah. I like a chunky boy. Yeah, me too, me too.

Do you have a new celebrity crush, Niamh? I have a boyfriend, so I don't think he'd like that too much. No, you're allowed a celebrity crush. You're allowed a celebrity crush. You're allowed a celebrity crush. You're allowed a celebrity crush. It doesn't count. Yeah, it doesn't count. Okay, well, Taylor Swift, if you're listening,

imagine finding my phone number. I would do it. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Wow, I didn't expect that. Greedy bisexual. That's a big swing from these bisexuals. Oh, thank you, Reedy.

Love it. Go and make the world yours, Neve. Neve, thank you. Some messages in. I had a the world yours, Niamh. Niamh, thank you. Some messages in. I had a massive crush on Mila Kunis. She was my number one until it came out that her and Ashton read that letter in support of Daniel Niles. I know.

Yes. That was like, guys. Yeah, guys. Guys. No, no. My number one tween crush was Justin Bieber. Yuck. Then he got covered in tats and then the weird little moustache.

Yeah. I don't know, man. It's just, give me the ick. Moustache. Robbie Williams. I've loved him since I was eight years old. Then his doco came out on Netflix and it just gave me the ick. Oh, no.

I think he's hot. Yeah. Aubrey Plaza gave me the ick. Aubrey Plaza's got such a great energy. Very hot. And then her husband died or something? Yeah. But she had broken up with him before that.

Yes. Aubrey Plaza gave me the ick when I found out she was married to a man. I'm like, oh, you're supposed to be gay. Although, you know, I'm, yeah. They say I haven't completely written her off. No, God no. Christian Bale was my number one. This is Batman, Patrick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was it, Patrick Bateman? Was that the psycho character? Yeah. One of our greatest actors. I had the most massive celebrity crush on Christian Bale. Then I heard him talking his real accent, and I was like, ooh. Oh, yeah, he's rough as gush, mate.

Yeah. He's British. We'll see if you can tell he'd be a prick, eh? Yeah. Oh, he would be a nightmare. Such a nightmare. But he gets the job done. Oh, he's a brilliant actor. He's a be a prick, eh? Yeah. Oh, he would be a nightmare. Such a nightmare. But he gets the job done. Oh, he's a brilliant actor.

He's a great actor. Who cares? Yeah. Israel Folau, the rugby player until he opened his mouth. Okay. Which is fair enough. A lot of homophobic shit came out of that mouth. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, it did actually. Remember that? That really does turn one off quite quickly, eh, homophobia? Yep. For me. Yeah. Yeah, personally. I like pro-homo. Pro-homo. Pro-homo, Jerome. That's when they work for me. Yeah. Yeah, personally. I like pro-homo.

Pro-homo. Pro-homo, Jerome. That's when they work for free. Pro-homo. Only for gay people. He'll be doing it pro-homo. It's when lawyers take on a case with a homosexual for free. Yeah, that's right.

I'll be doing that pro-homo. I used to love Timothy Shalamelebingbong. Shalame! Shalame! Until he became Willy Wonka and I was like, no. Oh, yeah, they're going to be done. Or the moustache that's all

Travis Kelsey was my big celebrity crush and I just look at him and I never really heard him talk and then he opened his mouth and he's got

big dum-dum energy yeah but thick but dum-dum energy James Franco someone said an army of women were destroyed when all the stuff

came out about James Franco is Hayley bi? I've just assumed it for so long. Maybe because if so, maybe her straightness is my ick. My straightness? She's not straight. Definitely not.

A little bit bent at the end, eh? Like this. Like a crochet hook. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Guys, as you know, the New Zealand International Comedy Fest is fast approaching. And I feel like you were sick of talking about my show.

With the mayonnaise. With the best foods mayo. And Hayley Sprouse is doing a show. Don't worry about it. I'm hosting the gala and stuff like that. But I was sick of talking about me. Let's instead talk about one of my favourite comedians, our friend and our fellow Jimbra.

He's a Jimbra. He's a Jimbra. Eli Mathewson's on the phone. Good morning, Eli. Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I do prefer to be called Jimbra first and comedian second. That's how I listed on Instagram.

Yes, yeah, Jimbra. We're always at the gym at the same time. Now, you're currently speaking to us from Melbourne because you were there for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Are you gymming bra in Melbourne? Bra, are you gymming? Bra, I'll be gymming. There's an amazing gym here called O'Doherty's,

which is like honestly underneath a bridge, and it is filled with posters of literally Arnold Schwarzenegger. Wow, it sounds like there could be glory holes there. Is that why you're attending? Hey, what I do on my own time in Melbourne is my business. Because I was going to share a tip that I have when I go to Australia. If you're just going for like, you know, a few days, you pretend that you've moved to Australia or to that city

and you want to trial the gym for five days. Yeah. And they just let you go free. Oh, Fletch, you better believe I've done yoga trials. I've done Pilates trials. Yes! I've taken so many phone calls where I'm like, oh, yeah, thank you so much.

I had a wonderful 10-day free, and I'll consider joining. And then you throw out that Australian SIM card, and you just never attend. And they cannot pester you again. It's a great tip. Bra, I'm so glad to hear that you're going to keep up your gains, Bra, because, honestly, I once tried to pick up Eli's. I mean, we're here to talk about your comedy, but just one more thing on the Bra, I'm so glad to hear that you're going to keep up your gains, Bra, because honestly, I once tried to pick up Eli's, I mean, we're here to talk about your comedy,

but just one more thing on the bra, because that's your primary title, Jim Bra. My main identity, yeah. He was doing deads and I tried to pick up his bar and it did not, it didn't even wiggle. He's got a heavy bar. It didn't even wiggle. Yeah.

Bra. Bra. From one bra to another bra, you be bra-ing. Now let's discuss. It's like Thor's hammer. Let's discuss your show Heaven's Devil is the name of your new Comedy Fest show Now what is the meaning there

Because heaven I equate with angels And devil with hell Isn't it funny It's a little oxymoron there May or may not have been inspired by One of the most famous gangs in the world Who do the opposite oxymoron But it's a show about

lying. It's a show about lying. I'm trying to become better at lying. So in the show, I'm going to tell a bunch of stories. One of them is a lie. And then the audience has got to pick which one was a lie. You're dirty and a liar. Oh my god, so clever.

I haven't come up with a funny, clever concept for my show. Sort of layman's comedy. Hey, I mean, so clever. See, I haven't come up with a funny, like a clever concept for my show. Sort of layman's comedy. Hey, I mean, maybe they'll all fall apart and I promise something I can't deliver. But at the moment, that is what the show is going to be. Eli, how many solo hours have you done? Like, you have been going for a long time. I think this is number 11.

Isn't that absolutely psychotic? I've been at it for too long. Someone's think this is number 11. Isn't that absolutely psychotic? I've been at it for too long. Someone's got to shut me down. Do you reckon, what's the worst one you've ever made? I made, the second one I ever made was called Eli's Big Audition

and it was, I just had no material. So I just like did a bunch of skits and I like, I had a printer on stage and I was printing prizes for the audience. I just felt like almost no material, just sort of running around.

See, I feel like that's good for our audience now to know that you're number 11. You've grown since then. Oh, yeah. There's no print. It's a lot less printing in this year's show. Can we also talk about the figures? No, because that's not getting any cheaper, right?

They get new cartridges. Jesus Christ, 120 bucks each. They get you with the cartridges. Also, Eli, we need to talk about this. We haven't talked about this yet. That, where is this? Where is this? Oh, I can't find it.

We're at the same venue, right? The Greek in Melbourne. And on the big sign, I've talked about this. It had me as Hayley Sproul brackets UK. And they had you basically as an Australian that you didn't get an NZ either. Yeah, everyone else has their countries listed

but I didn't because they're treating me like a Melbourne local. Yeah. And you like, you're some sort of British Oh no. Comedian come all the way

from London. I know. Are you going to do an accent in the show? Yes, but I wasn't going to, I wasn't going to go British. I was going to go a brown accent.

Yeah, just for fun. Oh good. I said she shouldn't make a thing and change it because people will think it's more impressive to be a top UK comedian. Totally, totally. People love British wit, you know. They love the original office and they'll think,

man, then that's what they'll get from your show. Do you think when you come back from, because Melbourne Comedy Fest, you're there for four weeks, it's really full on. You're going to be working your tush off. Then you're coming back to do the gala.

Then you're opening your new show. Are you going to be either like match fit, ready to crack into a great new New Zealand Comedy Fest show? Or are you going to be exhausted and it's going to be a shambles on stage?

I think either. It'll be worth the ticket price. If I'm a boken man, that's as exciting to see as if I'm on form, you know? Yeah. So good. Well, depending on what show you get, either one, great.

He's playing Auckland and Wellington. If you want to go see Eli Mathewson's 11th comedy hour called Heaven's Devil, just go to comedyfestival.co.nz. Look up Eli and get yourself some tickets. Now, go back to bed, because it's quite early in Australia. But we are right next to a construction site, so I tell you what.

Wait, is he going to lie? He's lying. He's lying. We don't know. He's practising his lies. There's no construction. Did you get an accommodation discount for the construction? Well, I hope so.

Maybe after the fact we will because we were not aware. And the, what are they called? Air muffs that were purchased are not working. Oh, air plugs. Air plugs. I was going to say, if you're sleeping with air muffs on, that's an uncomfortable sleep. You might need to cut a hole in the pillow.

I'll get popped too with the air muffs on. There's always just too many muffs in my bed. Everyone's talking about it. Hey-o. Hey-o. That's the lie. That's the lie. That's the lie right there. That's the lie right there. talking about it. Hey, Eli. Hey, Eli. He's a ladies' man. That's the lie. That's the lie.

That's the lie right there. That's the lie right there. You got it. You picked it. Eli, thank you so much and look forward to seeing your show, babe. My pleasure.

Likewise. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. I have sent some great reels to you guys this morning. I'm not getting the feedback. I haven't had time to look. I haven't. I also have not.

I'm sorry. I will respond in due course. And I cracked up again. He's got a rich vein of reels. I've got a rich... Our blend, our blend. Out of control. Oh, yeah.

It's so... The best part is when you go into... Permission to just have a slight digression. When you go into... It's like, view your blend. We've got a little group chat. Click on it. View the blend.

And it's like, recommended for... And it tells you which one of the group it's specifically targeting. And it's like, view your blend. We've got a little group chat. Click on it, view the blend, and it's like, recommended for, and it tells you which one of the group it's specifically targeting, and it's every time on point. Yeah. Not everybody has blend yet, though. Sometimes I cover it, and I'll be like, who's this recommended for, five seconds, and I'm like, Fletch. Yep.

Yep. It gets our dark humour. Yeah, it gets our dark humour. It knows, doesn't it? It's worked us out. Yeah. Terrible if anyone ever saw it, though, anyway. Oh, my God, yeah.

Well, there'd be no silly little poll because there'd be no silly little show. No silly little ability to pay our mortgages. That's right. Today's silly little poll. Would you buy a designer product if it wasn't visually obvious that it was a designer product?

So any brand, like a T-shirt, sunglasses. Well, it's particularly designer year, which is because in White Lotus, which we're loving. The TV show, yes. I'm still behind. But it's like all rich people on holiday and they're noting that they're all wearing Prada and Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana,

but it's like without the branding, it's more subtle. So it's just a plain T-shirt without the logo. It's more subtle. So it's just a plain T-shirt without the logo. This drives me crazy. It drives me crazy that someone would pay over $30 for a T-shirt. But then that's how you know people are rich, because they're not showing it off. They're not trying to look like they're rich. I remember that.

I know. I know, like, buy an A's colour. But then I also don't get spending money, spending over $100 on a T-shirt, and all you're paying for is the logo. I don't understand. Oh, yeah, you know me. I love a full Kmart outfit.

Also, have you seen, speaking of White Lotus, Jason Isaacs, Harry Potter guy. Yes. The dad. He, Duke University, are really pissed that he's wearing a Duke sweater. Oh, really? Because he's like, his life's unraveling, and he's a criminal juke sweater. Oh, really? Because he's like, his life's unraveling

and he's a criminal and yeah. Oh, I love this. And obviously dark things are about to happen. They're not happy, but everybody who's been to juke is like, on point. These dudes are everywhere at juke. Yeah, totally.

Well, we asked you, 52% of people said yes, they'd buy a designer product if it wasn't visually obvious and 48% said no, they wouldn't buy it. Oh, interesting. They wouldn't buy it. Oh, interesting. They wouldn't buy it. But then I wonder if we should have had an option for I don't buy any of that kind of stuff, because maybe some people might have voted, you know what I mean?

They might have voted no, I wouldn't. Yeah. At all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't. I just wouldn't. No, says Dan, I need my Karen Walker Mart logo to be on the front. Oh, yeah, yeah, I love that.

Has Karen Walker's legal team responded further to this thing that you accidentally started that now seems to be snowballing down the hill? No, she actually sent me a jacket yesterday, so I think we're good. Okay, lovely. A proper one, an authentic one, not a Karen Mart one. Yeah. Okay. I've seriously been thinking about saving for a Birkin, says Yvette.

Don't! Oh, actually, no. Is that the pubic wig? Is that the pubic handbag? That's a Birkin. No Yvette. Don't! Oh, actually, no. Is that the pubic wig? Is that the pubic handbag? That's a Birkin. No, it's a pubic handbag. The Birkin is like the most famous handbag in the world, but they are actually, they increase in value.

So they're seen as a really proper good investment. Are you kidding me? I would never. They're like $100,000. What? If you get quite certain ones. We've got a listener that's going to spend $100,000 on a Birkin. Well, you can get some for like $50,000.

That's a long time listening to I recognise the name. Okay. But they are seen as good investments. We need... Because of how their value increases. They need to sit down with Uncle Fletch and Uncle Vaughan. And we need to tear her to pieces. Hermes have got one.

Hermes. Is it Hermes? Hermes have got one. That's what they are. Oh, it's a Hermes. You can't call them that anymore. It's an Hermes. No, New Zealand's a great place to have Hermes. No, what do you mean Hermes have got one? That's what they are. Oh, it's a Hermes. You can't call them that anymore. It's an Hermes. No, New Zealand's a great place to have Hermes.

Oh my God. Can we get more women in the studio, Carwin? These are disgusting. Yeah, dude. Dumb, mate. Who's paying $100,000 for this? Dumb. Buy gold.

So many people. No, don't buy gold. It increases in value faster than gold. It's so crazy. Put your money in shares. Okay, it's the end of the world. The return of... Yeah!

There's no currency. The return on investment for Birkins is good. We're moving through a nomadic tribe moving through the wastelands. But at least Hayley's got her Birkin. Oh, I'm not buying a bloody Birkin. Or whoever has their Birkin.

I'm deadly ponies till I die. It's only super expensive because of the branding, said Sarah. Otherwise it's just another bag made in a sus factory that you can buy for $5. Basically, don't buy luxury designer. Go to Hong Kong. Because what's even luxury about it? Go to Hong Kong.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? What does Hong Kong have? What does it rip off stuff? You just get a knock off. Oh, you go to Bali. Because then you get a nice beach and then chill out and some cheap cocktails as well. Well, Hayley loves Hong Kong.

She does. She does. She does. She does. She didn't She does. She does. She didn't get a free trip to Hong Kong. It's so crazy, man. I've said that a lot, eh? And here I am, not in Hong Kong.

Yeah. I have a tan handbag from Deadly Ponies. The logo is impossible to see. Love the bag. Use it all the time. But that's the thing. As a Deadly Ponies wallet user. Yeah.

It's quality. It's a quality product. But does it need to be? Does it need a logo? Yeah. Find yourself a nice sturdy Velcro wallet is what I'm saying. Oh, shush. When I bought Lorna Jane leggings, I opted for the no logo on the ankle. The logo looks ugly.

I'm not buying them to be cool. I'm buying them for comfort. Finally, someone's speaking some GD common sense around here. But Lorna Jane gives me camel toe. I think your camel toe gives you camel toe. I think you're giving the Lorna Jane some camel toe. Don't you two attack my camel toe, please. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. No, I don't go on TikTok often because this is why. One of the very reasons why. Why? Well, I've seen a food thing, but now on the side of it, it says related videos and there's chicken palm smashed tacos. No, this is bad when you get on a food buzz and it just feeds you food. I was already hungry.

I'm hungry too. I'm starving. And now I'm seeing that somebody has turned a delicious chicken parm. I'm about to be in Melbourne. So the chicken parm is the taco. Oh, my God. You're folding the thing and then you're starving. Oh, what?

And then what are you putting in that? Anything you want, mate. Oh, my God. The world. I'm putting the world in it. But what got me onto this, I believe the kids are calling it food talk, is that there's a new charcuterie chips trend. Okay.

You know I love, I'm great at a charcuterie board. I actually don't know anyone better. Thank you. So this is like. He puts sweets and savouries. There's always a licorice all sort on there and I'm never, ever mad. No one's ever mad. And then sometimes when he knows I'm coming around,

he puts a fancy Turkish delight. Yeah, I do. He's a good boy. Next to the cheese. And then there's great cheeses and meat. There's always a trash bowl of cheese balls. It is flawless. Don't pick that pimple. I can see you picking the pimple. I just touched it accidentally and I was like, oh, does that need a squeeze?

There's never anything left on my charcuterie board at the end of the night. Never. It's flawless. So this is basically like a cross between a charcuterie board and, I don't know, man. Why are you saying charcuterie? You're saying it like char-who. Char-hoodery. Have some culture, please. I got char-who for a little cue.

Char-cuterie. Char-cuterie. Char-cuterie board. It's a cross between that and like loaded chips. Yum. Like loaded wedges. No, like potato chips. Potato crisps. Yum. Like loaded wedges. No, like potato chips. Potato crisps.

Okay. Oh, like poutine, but not fries. Yeah. No, but not poutine. Because like a board, a shakitari. A shakitari. It's different things in different segments. Okay.

So you put it on an oven tray. You put the chips. And then you basically use the snacky changy salt and vinegar. They use the kettle fry. Okay. So you put it on an oven tray. You put the chips. Yeah. And then you basically use the snacky-changy salt and vinegar. They use the kettle fry. Okay. And then you load it up with cheese and stuff. Kettle fry. But then in one corner you might have olives.

Yeah. And then in one corner you might have, it's all savory at this stage, but you could chuck cheese balls on there because there's no rules. Wait, so do you put the chips on an oven tray? Yeah. Yeah. And then like cheese all over it. But then in one corner you might just have brie.

And then in one corner you might just have camembert. And so you get a bit of everything. Olives in one corner. And then it all melts in the oven. Yeah. And then when you pick it out, you'll be like, eat. And then I'll go different over there. I'm going to go a Mexican vibe here with some salsa.

And I mean, if you've got a big enough oven dish, why not have corn chips at one end? Yeah. Potato crisps. I've got a pretty big oven dish, guys. I've got a six burner. So I'll just leave that.

Wow. I just want to mic drop that. Got a 1200 wide. 900 wide. It's 900. That's nice. Well, I'm only 600 wide. I'm your standard oven.

I'm just a man of the people. He's a man of the people. I'm 900 wide. So, you know. But yeah, I think this is a great idea. But the problem is, it's like when you go somewhere like Mexican and it's a cheesy dip.

You've got to eat it quick. Otherwise, the cheese goes solid. And the chips are soggy and the cheese is solid. Yeah. Actually, that's the thing about a good charcuterie. We've got a couple of wimps on our hands here. No, but I can't eat it if it's soggy. No, but you're thing about a good charcuterie. We've got a couple of wimps on our hands here. No, but I can't eat it if it's soggy. No, but you're right, because a charcuterie,

the joy of it is it sits out all night. No, yuck. And then we put one out in the afternoon, and then when you're cleaning up and you're like, nice and late, the cheese has gone a bit rubbery. A little bit rubbery. Well, you can try it, but I would be eating that quick. Like you said, they were using kettle fries.

Yeah. You've got to eat those quick. Those two go soggy. They'll go soggy. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. What is this, Juice TV? What is this? Brilliant.

Juice TV. Oh, my God. So good. Have we done text of the week? We've done two texts of the week. Well, I want to do another one. No. We can't. What is this? We've done two texts of the week. Well, I want to do another one. No. We can't.

What is this? What is this? That was very funny. Juice TV? Juice TV? Ah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Someone said the postman's delivered.

He's delivering circulars. Every now and then there's a farmer's catalog and they're in a lady in a bra, but we're not calling him the postman. This is a courier package. Mid-40s woman here walking her dog, listening to this with headphones on, throwing out moves like I'm feeding the chickens.

Yes. Whoop, whoop. You don't want to be walking your dog feeding the chickens. Yeah. My 11-year-old has just requested that, Mum. Can you please turn that down? Ouch. Oh, my God.

And someone said, actually, November 2001 babies are only 23. So, oh, my God. And someone said actually November 2001 babies are only 23. So, oh, my God. Yeah, they are, right? Oh, the babies of that. Yeah. If they were born. But they will be 24 in November. Nah.

Yeah, they will be born. They will be. Or possibly. I want to talk about now the fact that this morning it has been brought to my attention. Not bought because I didn't buy it. You're bringing it. Someone bringed it. Someone bringed this morning it has been brought to my attention. Not bought because I didn't buy it. You're bringing it. Someone bring it. Someone bring it.

It has been brought to my attention that there is an $1,100, 12 centimetre tall Swarovski. Why are you putting too much? Swarovski. Swarovski. You're putting a C-H in there. Swarovski. Swarovski. Well, there's no F in there. You told me I shouldn't be putting an H and she's dropping an E. There's a V. Swarovski. Swarovski. Well, there's no F in there.

You told me I shouldn't be putting an H, and she's dropping an E. There's a V. Swarovski. Crystal, Minion, King Bob. Yep. From the Minions movie when he gets the crown from the queen, and he becomes King Bob. Oh, my God.

And he's got his hands up in the air, like, yay! And he's King Bob. It's $1,100, and I simply will not rest until Fletch has it in a shopping cart paid for by credit card on the way to Wisconsin. I don't want this! I love Minions. I do love Minions.

Do you know, here's a bigger issue. Hayley has never seen a Minions movie. Not a single one. Not any of the Despicable Me movies. I know, I dressed up as a Minions for the quiz night that time and I was just like me Minions I was just going along with it

you went blind I went in blind they don't say me Minions I said me Minions me want Minions no they are the Minions that's close enough they're like

party time party time party time Minions Scooby Doo where are you wrong I don't know but is it the price point the $1100 for a 12th generation Scooby Doo Where are you? No Wrong Shaggy Wig

I don't know But is it the price point? The $1100 for a 12th individual crystal? No it's the I don't want It's tacky It's a problem If it's the price

It's a problem There's a $400 Not again And he's holding his bear His teddy bear When he utters the famous line Bory time Love it

Where's Scooby-Doo! No, Hayley, shut up! No wonder no one laughed at your comedy gig last night. This is only the best of friends. I think you're genuine friends and I think you can hear it. Only the best of friends can absolutely roast. Oh, gosh. And it's been brutal in here this morning.

It's been brutal from the time we started. You know that part on Gladiators where they had to choose what door they were going to run through and one was a solid brick wall and one was a paper and they couldn't tell and sometimes they just fly into it. That's what every time we talk this morning in studio, that's what it's like. What door am I running

through? That was good. I'll take that. It was a good roast. So I just think he's going to buy this. The $400 one a good roast So So he's gonna buy it I just think he's gonna buy this No The $400 one's the same size But he's obviously Older

Hey Vaughn Don't listen Fletch Shut your ears for a minute You know how sometimes When we do coffees Yeah Brings out his card Yeah

Quickly put it through I've actually got his details saved Absolutely not Oh my god so do I somewhere Absolutely not Yeah yeah yeah It did get Cause Shannon sent this email

This morning Like look what I found It did get, because Shannon sent this email this morning, like, look what I found. It did get us talking about, and we thought we'd love to discuss this now, about those things that you buy, and you're like, why did I buy that? And you look at it in your house like,

I'm sorry, but a Minions Swarovski statue is one of those things you will look back and think, why did I buy that? Unless you own Illumination Studios, there is no reason for anyone to own a crystal minion. There really isn't. If you invented it and you're like, yes, these are the things that made me my millions, you're like, absolutely, display them proudly.

Your Faberge eggs. Why are you doing that? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, you must have some crap. You buy so much crap. No, but I'm passionate about my crap. I don't look at my stuffed toad and think, why did I buy that?

I'm like, of course. Of course. That's here. Of course. Might it be more clothing choices where I'm like feeling a little spicy on the day and then you put her on, you're like, the hell was that chick? Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Like, who was that? Yeah. She's not allowed to spend any more money. No. That's okay because it was only $20. Yeah. Boy, was it. Times. Times. That was okay because it was only $20. Yeah. Boy was it. Times. That was how much

the pay wave $2 excess was. That was the surcharge. That was the 2% surcharge. No but definitely I've bought things over the years. Furniture as well when you're just like this is going to look great. You're just looking like why did I buy that? Why? Okay well this is what we want to know. 0800 dials at M. Give us

a call now. You can text through 9696. What do you look at and think, why the f*** did I buy that? We're talking about what you look at. It's my rocket ship. Okay. Rock range rockets. Are you finished over there?

Oh, my God. I can't even do anything right on the show today. Can't do a single thing right by you two. I think it's all you. You got something you need to work through. You've put a curse on yourself after your bad performance last night. If you've just joined us, I did a gig last night. I did a gig last night and I died.

You bombed. It bombed. You bombed. It bombed so bad. Her two supportive friends sure aren't bringing it up anymore. No. No. Not at all. We've just forgotten it and not mentioned it numerous times.

What have you got sitting around that you've purchased that every time you look at it, you're like, what the f- Why did I think? Why did I buy that? Because we're trying to convince Fletch to spend $1,100 on a Minion Swaski Crystal. Which is never, ever going to happen. Which somebody said it's coloured glass. It's not even crystal. Did you know that? Because we're trying to convince Fletch to spend $1100 on a Minion Swastika crystal. Which is never ever going to happen. It's coloured glass. It's not even crystal. Did you know that?

It is crystal. What is crystal? It's just better glass. I see the store they've got a store on Queen Street and I always walk past them like who's going, but that's like most shops on Queen Street. I mean the jewellery I get because it's like fake diamonds basically. Right. Sparkly jewellery I get because it's like fake diamonds, basically.

Right. Sparkly jewellery. Yeah, sparkly jewels. They just collect as little things and don't act like you don't want it. He's desperate for it. He's just embarrassed to say it. I definitely do not. Does it go with your millennial grey apartment?

Damien, what did you buy that you cannot believe you spent money on? Hey, team. How are you this morning? Really good. Actually, super. Terrible, actually. The show's falling apart now. Genuine friendship has truly been tested. Damien, How are you this morning? Really good. Actually, super. Terrible, actually. The show's falling apart now. Genuine friendship is truly being tested.

Damien, how are you today? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good, thanks. And I know Vaughan's going to take the living piss out of me on this one. Yeah. Because that's Vaughan's operating model. But anyway. Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on, mate. You're not one of the three that gets a roasting job. Welcome to the roasting, Damien. Go on. What did you purchase? I'm ready. So last year we finished renovating our house and we talked another story on top of our house and we had this little bathroom

and part of the renovation and my partner and I were like, oh, we want to get a mirror for this little bathroom. And I said, oh, I have a thing about mirrors. They have world maps. Like, prints of them are embossed on them. So I went on track and found one for a dollar reserve. And I showed it to Kathleen, and she was like, oh,

that looks really cool. Do you want to get it? And I said, oh, it's a dollar reserve. What have we got to lose? Yeah. So we were thinking just a normal standard, sorry, mirror that you'd find in any bathroom What happened?

What happened? Why did you go Sorry, what happened? Did you almost vomit or did you trip over something? Yeah, so we got a $80 $80, okay Yep So then we were like

My partner, she's got like a Toyota Esteem and we're like, we'll take that because we had to go up to my sister-in-law's to pick up a new Duchess as well. So we'll pick up the mirror and the Duchess in one go.

Yeah. And I said to Kathleen in the morning, oh, we'll just grab that piece of bubble wrap out of the cupboard and we'll wrap the mirror in that and she says,

oh yeah, cool, we'll have it picked up. And I was like, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. So anyway, we drove up to Kandala, which is a nice part of Wellington. Oh, beautiful.

Kandala's very nice. I know, I know, right? We're all at Pre-Arms to live. Okay. Well, I used to live there, okay? So we'll just ease off a little bit, Damien. I feel like Damien's about to tell us which way he took to get there. Yeah.

All right. So you get there. You get to Kandala. Kandala. There's All right. You get to Candala. You're in Candala. There's the mirrors. What happens? We turn up, and it's a mansion-looking house, and they've got two Range Rovers in the driveway,

and I'm like, oh, wow, this is going to be a really nice mirror. Yeah. Two things, though. A mirror that you buy from, like, Bunnings or Mitre 10, a standard-sized mirror. Yeah. They knock on the door, and this guy opens and goes, oh, are you Damien?

I said, yeah, mate, I'm here for the mirror. And he goes, oh, yeah, there it is there. I look at it and I'm looking at a mirror that is six foot by six foot. Oh! For $80? What the... Oh, God. Okay, and you just said you had a little bathroom to put this in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, Fletch. It was real, like, just a toilet one, like a little spare toilet. Yeah. Okay. So how are we getting this in the car? Exactly, exactly, Hayley. And I was like...

The guy was like, oh, do you want a hand? And I was like, under my breath. No, mate, I'm sweet with a six foot by six foot mirror. I should be sweet. Yeah, a bit awkward, but I should be fine. Oh, my God. Who dropped the ball on that? Were there sizings?

Well, I'll get to that bit. So I looked up at the driveway and I did the hand motion to Kathleen. Yeah. Bloody Kathleen. It's Anyway, it's Kathleen. It's Kathleen. Here we go. I feel like Kathleen is sounding like Kathleen didn't look at the mainstream. It does sound like that. And she comes out with this little piece of bubble wrap going,

do you want me to bring this? Oh, Kathleen. Sweet, sweet. And he goes, who are these morons? Like, look at this little piece of bubble wrap with this. Pretty much Murad has a world map one-to-one scale. It's a literal reflection of the world. Oh, my God, I loved it, Ian.

Walks down the driveway, gets to the door, she's like oh that's not I was like so anyway, we carry it up, up the driveway and our son's in our car because Peppi's got the splitter in, he's crashed out and he's slid it in the back and I'm like it's not going to fit

of course it's not going to fit, dude you're going to have to smash this thing, dude it's six by six you're not fitting that in anything apart from a truck. I know, right? So we pushed Joseph's car seat forward. I see. And, dude, if you're in the third act, you can't be introducing new characters.

New character. There's a baby in the boot. There's Joseph. I know, I know. So we need to push all our seats forward. So I'm sure my knees are up by my chin. Oh, Damien. Kathleen.

Kathleen. Did you get it? Damien, how tall is Kathleen? I feel like we need all the details now we've come this far. Kathleen's 5'4". Okay, so we're all right. No problem, no knee issue. The mirror towers over Kathleen.

I hadn't even thought about the fact Kathleen's smaller than the mirror. Well, yeah, because there's a photo of me standing next to her, and I'm just like, oh, gee, anyway. So you're going to send us that photo, but carry on. We're going to be late. Wait, where are you going now? Oh, wait, you've got to go get the pictures. Yeah, the Duchess.

I forgot about the Duchess because it happened 20 minutes ago. Carry on. Carry on. Carry on. And then Kathleen's like, were there dimensions? And I was like, no, of course there weren't dimensions because if there were, we wouldn't have ordered.

Please have a look. Please have a look. We're driving from Kandala back to Petone and I'm just sitting there silently raging, going, I am a moron. And then Kathleen's like, oh, bloody hell, the dimensions are in the description in the title. And I was like, all right, leave me alone.

Does it say literally six foot by six foot? Kathleen, Kathleen. Kathleen, oh, my God. I'm going to be so audacious as to say this is the caller of the week. This is the caller of the bloody year, probably. Caller of the week. Go caller of the week. Damien, we are going to hook you up.

You can tell me the story if you want because there's a little bit more to it. Oh, we're here now? I mean, we're here now, aren't we? We're here now. Carry on, Damien. It's like not watching the final Lord of the Rings movie. I know. It seems like, where are we going to put it?

And I was like, well, it's just renovated. There's this, at the bottom of the stairs, there's like, where are we going to put it? And I was like, well, it's just renovated. At the bottom of the stairs, there's like this big wall. We could put it there outside our daughter's room, Charlotte. But I was like, oh. Charlotte, welcome Charlotte to the story. I never knew there was a Charlotte. There's a Charlotte. I'm still reveling at Joseph.

Yeah, me too. Carry on. Well, Charlotte's right next to me thinking this is hilarious as well. Anyway. Hello, Charlotte. Hi. Hi. Hi. It can't be any longer.

Charlotte, we don't have time for you, darling. Yep. You traumatised Charlotte last week with your Marmite stories and everything else that goes up there. She thought it was crazy. Okay. That's another day, Damien. Wait, where did the mirror end up, Damien? Anyway, so, yep.

Kevin was like, okay, so you're going to put it on the wall. And I was like, yep. But anyway, I'll go to Monarchie and he's got these things called elephant hooks. Yes. That can hold up to like 40, 50 kg. Yeah, because this thing's massive, as we know. It's six by six. Six by six.

It's going to be heavy. It was in the description. It was in the description. It was in the description. It was right there. In fact, in the part of the mirror of Africa, if you look close enough,

you can see an elephant. You can. It's so huge. So I buy this proper like steel wire stuff to help hang it and then I get the stud finder out, find the stud

and I'm like, yep, could all go there and basically you press this elephant hook into the jib and you twist it and then you get a crescent or a spanner to spin it into the wall. I wouldn't be putting a mirror on those.

I wouldn't be putting a mirror. Yeah, so it was pretty deep. And I was like, oh yeah, this is right at 50 kg. This will be sweet. I'll just use two of them. So I'm screwing it in with my hand and then it snaps by me screwing it with my hand. And I'll just use two of them. So, you know, I'm screwing it in with my hand and then it snaps by me screwing it with my hand

and I even got the prison out and I was like, what the hell? This was supposed to be 50 kgs and it breaks in my hand. So I go back to minor 10 and say, hey, look, this is a defective product.

We're back at minor 10. Just check the time. Thank God there's one in Petone. That's good, yeah. Just check the time. Just check the time. We are running out of in Petone. That's good, yeah. Just check the time. Just check the time. We are running out of time. No, no, no, Damien.

We've got people texting in saying they parked their car 15 minutes ago and they're still sitting in their car. They need to hear the end of the story. How did you get the mirror up? What did you do? Well, I took it back to Mitre 10 and they're like, what did you use to think? They're like, well, kind of crazy.

And I said, I didn't. I used my hand. They're like, well, do you want another one? I was like, no, I want my money back. Hey! Damien, we need to get home, and we need to know what happens at the mirror. I found the biggest, like, fencing screw

that I could find. It was the biggest screw known to humankind. It's hanging on that right now. It's hanging on that? Yeah, it's not cosmetically pleasing. It looks disgusting. It freaks us out every

time we walk down the hallway. We are going to need you to send us a photo of the giant mirror, Damien. We're going to need you to send a photo because our listeners need it. Yeah, and can you stand next to it because we know that you're about six foot. For reference. Could I actually get Kathleen, Joseph, and... She introduced late in the story.

Courtney. Courtney, minor character. Charlotte. Charlotte. Charlotte. Sorry, Charlotte. Sorry, Charlotte. I'm sorry she forgot her name.

Charlotte, so much has happened. It's been a lot of info. So in the long last ten minutes has had a lot. Thank you, Damien. Caller, so much has happened. It's been a lot of info. So in the long last 10 minutes, it's had a lot. Thank you, Damien. Caller of the week. Damien, we need a photo of that mirror. Our listeners are on Tinder hooks. Listeners, you can now all go into work.

You know what? The people can't believe it's hanging. Oh, and we can't believe it's hanging. People cannot believe it's hanging, Damien. We're going to need to see an up-close photo of the hook as well. The hook of a lifetime. The whole thing.

In fact, if you could send us a short video of the whole thing, that'd be great. That'd be great. So we can share it. Try to keep it to 12 to 13 minutes. Damien! Love it. Clay, Zed, Emz, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day and the final fact of the day for vasectomy week is a quick little short one. Okay. Jamie induced all the time. Is that in Austin, Texas? Oh, I love Austin, Texas. We were just talking about Austin, Texas this week, weren't we? The number one urologist, who is a person that performs vasectomies,

board certified to the Urology Board of Texas, graduated from the University of Minnesota Medical School, is Dr. Richard Chop Or Dick Chop Shut up It was always meant to be The number one Vasectomy doctor

In Austin, Texas Dick Chop Even though Technically not chopping the dick I like to imagine He's got a billboard And some bus Seat

Advertisements That just Like lawyers have Yeah Get the chop with chop yeah chop chops

your chops yeah wow what do you reckon Damien would think about it I don't know I sort of miss him I miss him

I miss him too I feel like I can't remember life before him did he get the I don't know I miss him he was around for so long

and now he's a was Courtney on her way to school Charlotte Charlotte I can't even. I miss him. He was around for so long and now there's a... Was Courtney on her way to school? Charlotte. Charlotte. I can't even remember the secondary characters. Secondary characters. Who can forget when Kathleen... I'm so excited to see what the mirror looks like.

I want to see what Kathleen looks like. Little 5'4 with a six foot man. She's going to be the size of Africa. She will be the size of Africa. With that mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Africa will be the size of her. Yeah. And Josh. I wonder how he's getting on. Little Joshy. Joseph. Man, be the size of Africa. With that mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Africa will be the size of her. Yeah. And Josh,

I wonder how he's getting on. Little Joshy. Joseph. Man, I can't remember anybody's name. Yeah, Joseph and Charlotte, darling. You're alright. I remember Damien. That's okay. And Kathleen. Okay. We remember the details. I wish I'd said their names as many times as you said Kathleen, you know, and then I probably would have. God bless them. I miss them so much today. Fact of the day is that the number one urologist in

Austin, Texas is Dr. Chuck. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. No, I've got no news though, but I do have a very serious question. Why is he here? What have you signed up for something? Well, I've been mulling over this question for a long time. What kind of personality do I have? Because I don't really know.

I've not done a proper test. You know, I'm quite spontaneous. I got that gypsy tipsy that one time. You got the gypsy tipsy and you also... You need to do that. What's that thing with the letters? I-N-T. I mean, what am I? No, that's the thing you buy online in NFT.

Introverted, extroverted. Yeah. I'm an I-N... Empath. I thought you were an LGBT. Yeah. I thought you were a P-I-M-P. Hey, don't be funny.

You're the woman. Oh, sorry, sorry. Everybody back off. Give me some room to be funny I'm like a real lame dud one I'm ENFT Was I a good one? You were Michelle Obama, weren't you?

Oh yeah, me and Michelle Obama are the same IGFT Extroverted, nurturing A bit of both, introverted and extroverted You haven't done a test? No, but I saw one come up on Facebook and it was 30-minute personality test, about 200 questions.

So I went on there. Wait, this isn't signing you up for Scientology, is it? Well, unfortunately, I think I have been recruited by the Church of Scientology. Oh my God. I ruined the story, didn't I? I saw it coming. No.

Well, originally it said Oxford. I've got it here, Oxford Capacity Analysis. I've since found out it has nothing to do with Oxford University. Oh, because I would see Oxford and I'd immediately have respect for the test. I mean, they've given us the dictionary, the comma, the rowing team.

And... Did I say the university? Yeah. Oxford. There's one more thing. OxoCubes. Oxo Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford.

Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. Oxford. tables just for pleasure? I think you might you're doing an autism test. Yeah. Do you often sing or whistle just for fun?

Yes I do. I'd be more worried if the question was do you sing or whistle professionally? Yes I do. I take my whistling very seriously.

And do you enjoy telling people the latest scandal about your associates? Yes you do. That's gossip isn't it? That's gossip. We love that. We love gossip. Yes, you do. That's gossip, isn't it? That's gossip. We love that.

We love gossip. So did you answer these 200 questions honestly and openly? I did. Okay. Without knowing it was going to be a Church of Scientology thing. Got to the end, massive logo comes up, Church of Scientology. Oh, my gosh. And so I've booked in a meeting with them.

No. They didn't give me the results. I have to go and meet them in person to get the results back. Who are the Scientology Jesus, though, because aren't they waiting for the person that holds those electric cubes and calls the spaceship from around the moon? Do you think that could be Bryn? It could be Bryn. Bryn could be Scientology Jesus.

Yeah, but then this is how they get your money out of you because there's only so many places on the spaceship when the end of the world comes, I think. Is it fatal level? And Tom Cruise has already got one of the seats. there. He's already got one of the seats. Well, it could be good if we had someone on the inn with a seat on the ship.

Yeah, I'm happy to be the inside guy. Would you? Yeah, yeah. But wait, they didn't even give you your personality type. No, I have to go to the meeting, which I've signed up to next Monday. Okay, just do a free Myers-Briggs.

It's Myers-Briggs. It's Myers-Briggs. You can't go to this. You can't go to this. Why not? He hasn't got to hold the panels yet. No, a friend of mine went to the Church of Scientology in Los Angeles. It's the big one, eh?

Yeah, yeah. And he got trapped there for like six hours. Oh, really? While they put him through all the metal things and the mind reading things. You'll never come back, Brit. My dad did warn me when I was young that I'm likely to end up in a cult one day. When you ask what your personality is, I think likely to end up in a cult kind of sums up a lot of it. Yeah, does.

I-N-T-G-C cult. The C is for cult. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just based off of those questions, what kind of personality do you think I have? Don't laugh, Paul! I've never heard that question asked so earnestly.

Earnestly, like you literally don't have any idea. I think you have a certainly unique personality. You're a pleasure to be around. Very empathetic

I feel. But quite jarring. Oh, okay. Jarring? You know like, what's he going to say next? Oh, right. Is that not the right word? I don't think in the last 24 hours you're having much luck with words at all. Okay. Given last night

you tried to stray a whole lot of them. Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. I've really enjoyed my entire week this week and I really enjoyed

today hanging out with my friends. Yeah. Yeah. Georgia. Somebody messaged in saying, I just want to say

I've laughed so much and enjoyed the show so much today it must almost make up for the fact that Hayley flopped so badly. Yes. Now the listeners are getting in on the roasting. Georgia's are next. for the fact that Hayley flopped so badly on stage.

Yes! Now the listeners are getting in on the roasting. Georgia's in next. If you missed it, Georgia, Hayley flopped last night at a comedy show. I did. I did stand up last night and it was so bad. It's humbling. It's good to be humbled.

You know, it's not that close to comedy fests, I reckon. Wasn't a good humbling. This will be the biggest laugh I got all night. Oh. Oh. Oh, so that doesn't even seem legit. That was a pity. That was a pity. That was when she tripped over the microphone cord.

Yeah, I had a bit of a tangle with the cord. They laughed at me. Physical comedy. Well, you know, we're all human. And good thing I'm not the funny one on the show. I'm the girl, you know. You're the funny one, Vaughn. You're the girl. And I'm the girl. one on the show I'm the girl you know you're the funny one Vaughn

you're the girl and I'm the girl which does the buttons in the songs and I press the buttons and then Georgia comes in and does all of those roles it's almost like

there didn't need to be three of us shut your mouth what are you doing I don't know you already like bombed your comedy career this is all you've got

don't tell them we're not needed. All right, that is our show. Have a fantastic weekend. If you are off to Manuka for your symphony festival, don't forget ZM, a little recharge station there. Are you going, Georgia? Absolutely.

Are you free? No. I'm in New Plymouth. I'm in New Plymouth this weekend. I'm going to say you're going to celebrate your father's birthday, which is on Monday. How is he turning? 74. Eight. Eight is he turning? 74.

Eight. Eight. 78. Eight, I think. Well, not. Are you aging? Son of the year here. Son of the year, yeah.

He knows how old his dad is. Wait, wait. Ask him what he's getting him for a gift. Are you getting your dad for his birthday? A Ferrari. Oh, shut up. He said he might pick up a lotto ticket at the airport. Dads love lotto tickets. Dads do love lotto tickets. Also, the best gift, because he might pick up a lotto ticket at the airport. Well, your dad's love lotto tickets.

Yeah, they do. Also, the best gift, because then you get some of it. Yeah. If you win, you just swap it out with a not winning ticket. Inheritance. Yeah. Or you give it, saying that you get half. If it does win.

Oh, yeah, exactly. That's how you're going to preface it. And write your name and phone number on the back so they can't claim it without you. We didn't talk about this, but I'll say it now. I got a lotto ticket, a physical ticket. Yeah. And I scanned it on the app, and it said, congratulations. You won a bonus prize. Yeah, I was right. without you. We didn't talk about this, but I'll say it now. I got a lotto ticket, a physical ticket, and I scanned it on the app and it said,

congratulations, you won a bonus prize. Thank you. 78. Mum just texted me. Hi, Mum. Hi, Bev. Hi, Bev.

I scanned it on the thing and it said, congratulations, you've won a bonus prize. Please take this to your local lotto store. Because usually if it was a bonus ticket, I'd just give it to you on the app. Didn't this happen to you

when it was only like $10 or something? No, it wasn't. It was a ticket. A bonus ticket. It was a bonus ticket. No, if this is a bonus prize, it could be a Ferrari. And I'm not going No, it wasn't anything. It was a ticket. A bonus ticket. It was a bonus ticket. No, this bonus prize could be a Ferrari. And I'm not going to give it to your dad. I'm going to keep it for myself.

It'll be the hot rods though. The what? Wasn't it hot rods? Wait, were the little things? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The matchboxes. Matchboxes. Wait, what am I doing?

George is going to kill the buzz of our show. George is called bad comedy of Hayley. I think it's contagious. Get away from me. If you like today's podcast, tell your friends you could send them the link. And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great. And rate and review.

And maybe get out there and try to make some friends. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.