ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 29th August 2023

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

Luggage Stickers  Top 6: Places to Propose  Silly Little Poll!  Project Swiftie!  Producer Jareds Tea  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday. You've just scraped some ice off your car this morning. I did, I forgot that I actually have an ice scraper in my glove box and thank God.

Like a proper one. Yeah, like... For like the freezer? Or a specific car? Specifically for cars. Specifically for cars. It was specifically for cars. Yeah, right. It was good and then I drove off and then I was like oh, no, still not clear so I had to just sort of stop

in the middle of the road. It was two degrees out my way. Yeah, she's a chilly sat across the country today but... I got one degree was the lowest part of my drive. You got a one. Yeah, it's gonna be a nice, beautiful day though. Did degree was the lowest part of my drive. You got a one. Yeah, it's gonna be a nice, beautiful day, though. Did you see the moon? Yeah. Isn't this big? Well, it's in retrograde, remember? No, that's Mercury, you dumb-dumb.

No, the moon is, too. I think you've just made that up, though I think it's all made up, so... It doesn't really matter. That's the point, really, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. On the show today, another... Well, we've got another double pass to give away to Taylor Swift. Sure do.

This afternoon. You've got to be listening at 8 o'clock, though, for that first song. And then at midday with Georgia. And this afternoon, PJ and friends, Maddie McLean, will have that song at 4 o'clock. He's left you a note. He's actually left me a note because he uses my microphone. I didn't get a note. Much love.

Have a great show. XX Maddie. That's kind of him. I'm going to leave him a note. You didn't get a note. Much love. Have a great show. XX Matty. That's kind of him. I'm going to leave him a note. Send me some nudes. But I don't know. He just sends me those even when he's not filling in on the afternoon. Yeah, it's just a service.

It's constant. Almost a constant stream of nudes from him. Yeah, it is. It's appreciation. He's doing the afternoons at the moment. Yeah. Matthew. Yeah, Branclin's awake.

Is he still doing the morning breakfast? He's still doing the morning breakfast. He's still doing the double ends of the day. He does have gambling debts. Oh my God, he does have debts today. He doesn't have gambling debts. He does to the worst type of people too.

The worst type of people. The top six on the way. It sure is. What was it again? The top six more romantic places to propose in an airport. Yesterday at Auckland Airport over the public announcement system, sometimes shortened to the PA system. I like the full name.

The public address system. Yeah. A man proposed to his now fiancée as she got off a flight, a long flight. Oh, my God. You know how great you feel off a flight, a long flight. You know how great you feel when you get off a long flight, not sweaty and drained. Wafty. Yeah, at all. No one feels great.

Oh, no. To hear a proposal come over the loudspeaker. God. Inspired by a Bollywood movie, apparently. Oh, I saw that. I saw the news last night. Inspired by a specific scene in a Bollywood movie. They've known each other for eight years,

but only been together two months. Oh, okay. Well, you know, you know, don't you? You know, well, after eight years, then 51% of them will divorce anyway. Oh, well, let's not get crazy on that. They're celebrating their highs at the moment, not their lows.

Yeah. But I've got the top six more romantic places to propose at Auckland Airport. Wow. Next on the show. I've got a PSA. Now, that's a public service announcement. More romantic places to propose at Auckland Airport. Wow. Next on the show. I've got a PSA. Now, that's a public service announcement.

Which also could be done on a PA. Could be done. I could do a PSA on a PA. Yeah. But instead I'm doing it on the RADIO. Yeah. On the FMZM. Yeah.

ZMFM. And streaming also. And streaming on iHeartRadio worldwide. It's for dog owners. So, Vaughan, open your tartingus. I've got bad news. I feel like dogs and tennis balls are sort of synonymous together. Yeah.

Yeah, go down the beach. Yeah. But my dogs just destroy them. They rip them open. They just sit there and they go. and because tennis balls are airtight, they'll eventually like pop, and then a little hole in them, and then they'll just work them open,

and then they'll chew them, and they'll swallow them, because yesterday I picked up, I'm guessing a winter's worth of dog shit off the lawn, because I haven't mowed the lawns for like months. Yeah. But I was like, I'm going to clean up all that, and so many chewed up balls and tennis balls and stuff.

Oh, God. Oh, God. There's this real good brand of dog ball that lasts for ages. Is it rubber? It's like a hard rubber. Yeah. Sell them at $5 to $10. Because there's a vet, Dr. Finn. He's a vet who shares tips for dogs and cats and whatnot on Instagram.

And he was like, don't use tennis balls. Because of their surface, their floofy surface, they've got a bit of, what is it, like a felt. Yeah. And he was like, don't use tennis balls because of their surface, their floofy surface. You know, they've got a bit of, what is it, like a felt? Yeah.

What is that? Is it felt? I think it is felt. I think it's felt if you buy like the nice ones that come in that Pringles tube

where you pop the top off and then give it a big sniff. Do you always pop the tennis ball and have a sniff? God, they smell good. Oh my God, popping a tube of tennis balls,

that's so satisfying. Oh my God, yes. Well, that rough surface, because it's kind of grippy, it collects things like dirt and saliva, right? It gets wet and then it collects dirt and sand and it makes the ball very abrasive. And then when your dog's chewing on it, it's basically grinding down their teeth. You know, like sandpapering their mouth.

It's like using the gritty toothpaste. No, no, no. He's saying it's really bad. It'll stuff up their gums and their teeth will start to look bloody worn down. If you're just doing it all the time. He was like, it's really big. He says it all the time. Don't use tennis balls. You've got to

use these rubber balls, which I'm guessing is sort of similar to what you use. Yeah, chuck-its. That's what they're called. I've just found them. Chuck-its. Chuck-it. One word.

Chuck-it ultra. And they're like a harder rubber. And the grossest thing about tennis balls is that same felty stuff that gets the dirt and stuff gets so wet with dog slobber. Oh, yeah. You've got to touch it. Every time you take it out of their mouth and they drop it, you're like, oh.

So it's known as the nap, the fuzzy stuff on a tennis ball. It's called the nap. And it's a textile material made of wool, nylon, and cotton. Yeah. Gets floofy, doesn't it? And then it gets floofy, yeah. Yeah. I always wonder, you know when you watch the tennis

and you see them and the ball person gives them one, two, three balls and they'll always chuck one back, one in the pocket and one to play with. Yeah. What are they looking for? You know, they always inspect the ball and they're like, ah, not that one. They're looking at the floof. Because normally they'd always have a good,

they'd always be new and nice, wouldn't they? Fresh from the tube. Fresh from huffing the tube. Yeah. Maybe they know something we don't know. Or it's maybe like a rough spot or a spot that's been hit really hard. Maybe a bit uneven. I'm going to get back into tennis soon.

And when I say back into it, remember I bought a racket and I played once. And then now it's really, really bad. Well, the weather's going to start getting better any time now. Well, you've got a tennis court right by your house, like a free one. Yeah, I know. I'm going to get back into it. I'm going to become, I don't know, Wimbledon 2029. You'll be 40, won't you?

No, I'll be 39. Oh. Nah, I'll turn 40 at the end of that year. Just before, yeah, Wimbledon will happen just before you. Okay, Roger Federer won when he was 36. He had a good run in though, didn't he? He did, yeah. Probably starting at 33 is too late, are you saying won when he was 36. He had a good run in though, didn't he? He did, yeah. Probably starting at 33 is too late, are you saying?

He's the oldest. I don't want to poo-poo you. I don't want to poo-poo your Wimbledon dream. Yeah, but what if I'm a natural? But what if I'm a natural? What if it was my God-given gift? Yeah, I always think about that. Like, what haven't you tried that you would have been instantly amazing at?

Yes. That you could have been world-class at just by default, but you'd never tried it. Yeah. Could be a curler. I've never been on the ice to lob one of those curling curls. Serena Williams was the oldest. How old was she? That was in 2016.

It doesn't say her age. At that stage. Which Serena was it? Serena. Sorry. Which Serena? I heard, but I had no idea. She was born in 1981, so she would have been 35? Yeah. In 2016?

She was 34 in nine months. 34, yeah. So, I'm sorry. I don't want to... No, it just means I've got to get to Wimbledon earlier. You've got to move your training forward to today. You've got to move your training forward to today. You've got to start training today. Didn't you play one game and then just go home and...

Yeah, the ball kept going over the net. We kept hitting it too high. It's a real, like... It's hard. It's real hard to get it the right height. It's got to be flat. Because if you go too low, it hits the net. And it'll hurt your back.

Oh, yeah, yeah. A lot of lunging too. It really hurt your back doing the lunging and the tennis. You chase your dreams. Thank you. We're not here to stand in your way. Thank you, yeah. A lot of lunging too. Doing the lunging and the tennis. You chase your dreams. Thank you. We're not here to stand in your way. Yeah, thank you, actually. Thank you.

Keep us updated. And I'll see you in Wimbledon, Federer. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. As well, a travel blogger, this tip that she has shared has gone viral because a lot of people don't bother with this thing and they end up losing their bag. How do they do this?

It's taking off the little barcode stickers. I hate those. Because you know they put a big, they put a main tag on your bag. Yeah.

Although if you're doing, do you ever do it when you're doing self-serve, the self-check baggage? Nah, but you're supposed to. Are you supposed to take off a little bit?

There's two little ones and you're supposed to stick one to your boarding pass or whatever. Take that with you as supposed to. Are you supposed to take off a little bit? There's two little ones and you're supposed to stick one to your boarding pass or whatever. Take that with you as a person. One on your suitcase and one on the handle. So if the one comes off the handle the one on the suitcase is still identifiable to be scanned as to who it belongs to. But the thing is people leave

those, if you're travelling, if you're doing a big trip somewhere. You go multiple destinations. Yeah, you're taking like 10 flights over the course of like a month or whatever. A lot of people will take off the main tag on the handle, but they'll leave the little barcode on the suitcase. Right. And sometimes the bags will just be going along and they'll just get scanned on that

little barcode. And that can cause a bit of a. Oh, because you're at the wrong. Confusion. Yeah, right. Because you're at now you're at another airport, and this bag's like, well, this bag's going to there. Confusing.

Confusing. It is confusing. I hate, I'm one of those people that gets off the plane, gets my bag, and rips everything off. Straight away, even the little sticker? Straight away, all of them. Even the little sticker? Yeah, I could get the big one,

that's gone in the airport bin, and then the little ones. Oh, wow. That hangs around till next trip. Yeah, no, I hate it. I just, there's something about it. I've just developed this thing. I'll mostly do that when I'm home. Yeah, no. Not at the airport. I don't want that in my, taking up my precious bin space. Yeah, I never, oh really? Yeah. I never put a suitcase away with the tag

still on. That has to come off. Do you? You do. Oh, your Vaughan's a mess. You just leave it there. He leaves it. He's a mess, eh? You alright? You're a bit of a mess. No, I'm a mess. You're an absolute mess. I'll leave it on there. Do you know what I saw yesterday? Two people were wheeling their suitcases through the city and they were

pink, like pink suitcases. Not Barbie pink. The Kmart ones. Not the Kmart ones. I thought you meant it was pink. Oh my god. No, no, no. She's here in February. She's got people to do that for her too. And they had the big sticker on each on their suitcase that said expandable, like with an arrows. Like it's the sticker that's in the store.

Oh, straight from the store. Yeah. But they've been, they've left them on. Like it was one of those expandable suitcases that zips out, but they left the sticker on promoting the suitcase. And I was like... Mine expands.

It's like people that leave their energy rating stickers on their TVs and fridges and washing machines. Yeah, because you can't leave it on too long or they'll never come off. They'll never come off. I know, and I'm just like... I hate when I see a suitcase. The washing machine and the dryer for some reason, I'm like, oh yeah, I see why that's on there. But the fridge? The fridge?

You see that all the time. It's right there. Take it off. I love removing a sticker. But the fridge? The fridge? You see that all the time. It's right there. Take it off. I love removing a sticker. But those stickers are hard. The energy-saving stickers are very hard to get off. You've got to get one of those desolvate. Yeah, yeah.

You know, those spray bottles. The spray is getting off. Orange citrusy spray. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Mars. Mm-hmm. Not only a delicious chocolate bar, and I won't have a word set against it.

It's nuggety, caramelly, middle. It does not get enough crunch. You'd go with Snickers over a Mars. Snickers always. I'd go with Snickers over a Mars, but I'm not going to poo-poo a Mars. I just want to make sure you're on the same page. Yeah.

I'll go picnic. I'll go picnic over Snickers. Because it's crunchier. You can't get enough of that crunch. It's a mess. Well, then what about a crunchy bar? The crunchiest of all the bars. I'm going to go crunchy over picnic.

So we've found her rating criteria. It's the crunch. Yeah. Huh. Interesting. But then I stick a perky nana. Get away with it. The ultimate uncrunch.

Get away with it. There's no crunch there. Perky nana. Zero crunch. I love a perky nana. Well, not the chocolate bar, the planet. Scientists have been running what they describe as an AI sims for scientists. Okay.

But the sims are living on Mars. Right. And they've been running. Now, this is all if the base is already built. It's maintaining. It's living on Mars. It's doing your basic science research stuff on Mars, but not building the base,

which in their simulation is either built by previous attendees or delivered and sort of... Assembled by robots. Transformers out. So almost like going to Antarctica for a season. Yeah. The simulation. Yeah, except I don't think you can be.

But no, this is just all not real. I know, yeah. This is like the Sims It's like on a computer Yeah yeah yeah But I'm saying that You would send a group of people To a place

Eventually yeah Yeah yeah yeah I don't know if you'd come back Yeah you probably don't I think the initial They've said the initial ones Are going to be one way Oh god

It's going to be one way For a while There's no like bars set up Or like malls No no no There's no Maccas No no There's no, like, bars set up or, like, malls or... No, no, no. There's no Maccas. No, no. There's no, like...

Say goodbye to nuggets forever. You could have nuggets. I don't know. It would be more upsetting saying goodbye to my family or my nuggies. You could have chickens in the... In Mars. Yeah, on Mars, in the growy part where they're going to grow the veg. Okay, yeah, maybe.

You could have chickens in there, but the chickens would be constantly eating the veg. Yeah. Keep your chickens at your vegetable garden until it's the end of the season. And I want them cut into the shapes, the boot. Oh, you want proper nuggies. Yeah.

Okay, well, they ran 28-year simulations of colonies on the planet with different sorts of residents. So they found out that 22 is the perfect number of people for a colony. Oh, okay. That's enough for a party. Yeah.

Too many more people, it gets too much. We're all going to be related. And you want enough people to do jobs in times of sickness and such. But that's also enough people. You're getting into that. You're going to hate at least two or three of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also be attracted to two or three of them.

Yes. So they said each agent was granted skills associated with their civilian and military occupational specialties. So consistent with what NASA wants from people who are going to be going to Mars. Now there's four types of personalities. The agreeables, the neurotics, the reactives and the socials. Okay. Oh, you'd be a social.

I'm a social. As described as extroverted and needing social interaction. That's me. The agreeables. Low on competitiveness and aggression. Not me. Very aggressive. Not me.

Neurotics. Highly competitive, aggressive, and unable to cope with boredom or routine change. Fletch. That's me. Fletch. This is why I wouldn't even step foot on one of these aircrafts to Mars. Just even the trip there would be boring.

And reactives have a competitive interpersonal orientation. So reactives are a little bit competitive. So the bad news is, neurotics, Fletch, die at a much higher rate than those of the other psychologies in their simulations. Why are they dying? The neurotic suffered during life on the colony.

Martians with a neurotic psychology and high coping capacity benefit the least from interaction with other Martians and are penalised the most if they have a low coping capacity. Our results suggest that the effect is a driver of the Martian population decline and once minimised or removed can produce a stable settlement. So no neurotics.

But then how does anything get done? You guys will all be faffing about. Yeah. Having fun and parties. Yeah, we're partying. No work could be getting done. Like, guys, we've got to set up the farm today and I'll be like,

oh, we can do it tomorrow. I'm making martinis. We can make a game of setting up the farm. Yes. Oh, my God. No, see, this is no, no. Oh, that would be great. Pass the chicken to the left-hand side.

Then turn it into a nugget. Oh, no, we can't. This is our egg-laying chickens. No, I've already nuggeted her. Oh, my God. We've got no eggs. We're on Mars. This would never have happened if Fletch was here.

Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Congratulations to the happy couple. Thank you. A couple engaged. You're a bit late. Four years

ago. No, no, this is a different couple. This isn't you. I said congratulations. I think I said congratulations at the time and you said I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I said yes in the moment.

This happened at Auckland Airport yesterday. No, Friday. Friday. Friday. Why did it all go crazy yesterday? I don't know. I guess they sat on it for a bit. Don't know.

They did a press release. It was all blowing up yesterday. Yeah, it blew up yesterday. And God, they lapped it up, didn't they? God, oh, we needed a little bit. We need a little bit of happy news. Yeah. I don't know if you know, guys, but the world it up, didn't they? God, oh, we needed a little bit. We needed a little bit of happy news. Yeah. I don't know if you know, guys,

but the world is an increasingly bleak place. Oh, and I'm loving it. But it was over the PA system at the Auckland airport. The airport, to me, that's romantic. That's not a place where you're yelling at your partner for no reason and they're screaming back for another no reason at all. Not stressful at all.

No. I've got the top six more romantic places to propose at the airport. Okay. Today's top six. Number six, on the park and ride bus. Oh, yeah. Beautiful rumbling ride. You're parked up there.

You're standing because there was no room left on the bag racks for your bag, so you're standing and holding your bag, kind of like wedging the bag between the wall and yourself and holding on to the handrail, and you're kind of trying to eavesdrop on what the Air New Zealand hostesses and stewards and people that work on the plane are talking about. Have they got some goss? Yeah, you really want to hear what's going down. Yeah.

You want to hear what's going down. And then there might be a baggage collector on the bus as well and they're looking at your bag like, can't wait to throw that thing. Can't wait to hiff that as hard as I can. So why not make it

the ultimate place and just drop to one knee and propose to your partner? Yeah, why not? Probably not a lot of room to drop to one knee if you're standing. Hold on to the handrail.

Hold on to the handrail. Because they're about to really hang a left, hard left of that roundabout to go into that hotel. Yeah, that hotel there. Number five on the list of the top six most romantic places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport. When the dog is sniffing your bum hole and your suitcase

when you're coming through customs, but you're not allowed to pet it. I know. It's like so cute. That's so cute. I just want to tell it it's doing a good job. You feel a hand hover and you're like, I'm not allowed. Do not pet. Do are so cute. I just want to tell it's doing a good job. You feel a hand hover and you're like, I'm not allowed. Do not pat.

Do not pat dogs. Number four on the list of the top six most romantic places to get proposed to at the airport are when you're putting your shoes back on and trying to grab your belt and your laptop and all the stuff that came through the scanner because there's people behind you and you don't want it to fall in the bin on the end and then you grab it all and you go over

to that little seat spot right there when you're putting your boots back on. Romance. Yeah, real romance. You've done the hard yards. Now you're about to walk through duty free. Maybe you can get them a little engagement present.

Yes. Number three on the list of the top six romantic places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport and that massive line to check in that doesn't seem to be moving at all that weaves back and forward, back and forward and you keep crossing paths with the same people

as you're slowly moving towards the check-in person and when you get there you realise why it took so long, nobody had their passport ready. Just get it ready. You've got that whole line to get ready. Or check in online like everybody else does. Just drop, bag drop.

Yeah, bag drop rules. Number two on the list of the top six places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport when you get grabbing a giant Toblerone and a three for two Bacardi special on the way back. Never buy Bacardi in the mainland, but it was in an airport. Midori. That's an airport purchase. Midori. A little impulsive Midori. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're real, you know, you're wasn't an airport. Midori. That's an airport purchase. A little impulsive Midori.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're real trashy drinks. You always buy them at duty free. And number one on the list of the top six places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport. Why not one of the three McDonald's restaurants? Show sponsor.

On the airport grounds. Boy, you could go through the McDonald's airport drive-thru. I like that one. It's got a sit-down option and a playground for the kids. I like that one. That's a good one when you're waiting for friends. You could just have some quick nuggies. Yeah, meet your nuggs.

Meet your nuggs. Or maybe McDonald's pre-security or McDonald's post-security. The post-security one's pretty boosh. It is. It's pretty nice. Yeah, they've got... One of those shoots that comes down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they've got... One of those shoots that comes down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they've bouged it. And you can hide the ring in the nugs. Yes. Sir, you are a romantic at heart. Thank you. That is today's top six. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

You know, at weddings, quite a traditional thing to do is like a wedding favour for the guests. Sometimes it's just like a little sweet or chocolate and a little mesh bag. Did you have a wedding favour? Cookies. That's right. Yeah, a little something like that. It would be cancelled now, though, because we did gender the biscuits.

Oh, did you? We gendered the biscuits. Did the girls get pink biscuits? No, no, the girls get pink biscuits? No, no. The girls got, well, they were gingerbread people and the girls got a traditional feminine shape.

Big honkers and a big donker. Yeah, big. Like the dress. And then the guys were like toilet symbols. Wow. Yeah, yeah, right. And I do apologise now.

I can look back and I realise I'm a better person now. Yeah, well, we all learn, don't we? Well, there was a wedding in the UK and they had wedding favours and they had scratchies. That's nice. That's cheap. That's a little bit of fun.

I love a scratchy. Like at Christmas, you're chucking a dollar scratchy. Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. So they're all at the tables and they're like, oh, what a fun. It's a nice thing to do when you're just waiting in between meals as well. And you know, someone's got $7 over here. Someone won a free ticket and someone won $10,000.

10,000, is this in New Zealand? No, in the UK. 10,000 pounds? No, 10,000 New Zealand dollars. It was 5,000 pounds. Oh my God, that's still lots of money. A lot of money. And this was one of the bridesmaids

and everyone was like, oh, my God, exciting. And then she was like celebrating. And then the next day, because the bride and party was all staying together, they're having brekkie. This was in Cyprus. They had a wedding in Cyprus. Nice. Fancy.

Oh, no. It's very nice. And then she was talking about it. Like, oh, my God, what a great day. And I can't believe it. We've got $10,000. And everyone's like, what are you going to do with it? And she was like, oh, I don't know.

We might go on holiday. We might do this. And then one person just pipes up and was like, shouldn't you split it? Like, shouldn't you give some of it to the bride and groom? No. It was a gift. Well, apparently the woman, the bridesmaid who won was really upset. Because then she was like, everyone was like, oh yeah, I suppose so. Like they sort of, you know,

it was their big day and you kind of had this really amazing moment. What would you do? Absolutely not. I'm not sharing a dollar. It's mine. It's a gift. You don't give someone a lotto ticket as a present and expect to be rewarded. That's why when you give someone a lotto ticket as a present

you get one for yourself with exactly the same numbers. Oh. I don exactly the same numbers. Oh. So you're like, I have two of the same. I don't pick my numbers. Two of the same. Right. So then because if they don't split it with you,

you're getting half anyway. Right. No, I... And then they could give you a half and you win three quarters. But then why not just get a whole nother ticket and you could win everything? Because that's not... Because if their ticket wins, it hurts you.

Yeah. You know, if I buy a lotto ticket for someone, I'd be like, chuck us a mil. Chuck us a little mil. How much would they have to win to give you a mil, though? Over 10. Over 10 mil, you want 10% off. You don't give people scratchies or lotto tickets.

No, but they're the great kids. But it's Father's Day this weekend. What else am I supposed to get them? You get them the Father's Day lotto thing, so what are they giving away this year? Ford Ranger in a boat? Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

Love it. That's what you get. You get him a lotto and then a couple of the Father's Day scratchies. Don't tell me I'm not getting my father's day. Tell me what I shall and shall not

be getting my father's day. So what are you going to get your father? What are we doing? Do gifts. Oh my God. Get him a scratchy. And tell him that he owes you 10%.

He loves a scratchy. No, we do scratchies at Christmas. Always chuck those in. Except one Christmas my brother won, was it 50 bucks or 100 bucks? It was so shitty. Yeah. Well, people online on Reddit.

It really did ruin Christmas. No, you ruined Christmas with your behaviour. Did you ruin Christmas? He ruined Christmas with your behaviour. $150. you ruin Christmas? He ruined Christmas with his behaviour. He ruined Christmas with his behaviour. Work won't let me visit the Lotto website. You know, work's banned gambling during work hours. It's unbelievable. Lotto supports local communities.

I know. And it's going to be supporting my dad's dream of a Haynes Hunter boat and a Ford Ranger. Oh. Father's Day Lotto. Let me go on my phone and go to Wi-Fi. Now I want a scratchy. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole Today's silly little pole is

Have you had workplace relations? At the workplace, adult time Have you had sex at work? Not are you in a relationship with someone you met at work That happens all the time But actually at the workplace Remember that time in Christchurch All those people were at that bar

And they looked across And those people were at that bar and they looked across and those people were in the window, like, doing it? Oh my god, that's right. And people filmed it and went online and everyone was like, oh my god. And they weren't partners, eh? Yes, it was naughty. It was very naughty, yeah. Get to the window, like, get a grip. Yeah.

Hard to get a grip on glass. Famously slippery. I can answer no to that. Can you? I said no. Do I mean it? I mean, your workplaces are quite different, aren't they? Yeah, like I've definitely dabbled in a theatre.

That's your workplace. Okay, so yes, you lied. Dabbled in a theatre. That's your workplace. Okay, so yes, you lied. Dabbled though. Yeah, that counts. That'd count for me. Yeah, that counts. Okay, then I have. I've changed my answer.

The reason we asked... You've got an answer, please. Oh, no, no, I haven't. Jared, what about a pack and Save back in the day? Oh, he didn't answer. Have a hoon in the stock room. Bit of a hoon on break. He's saying no.

He's saying stop talking about it. Oh, he's saying go away, go away, go away. Change the topic. Well, there has been a discussion in Victoria. This is Melbourne, Australia. The state, yeah. Victoria, the state of Australia. Yeah, where there are some new guidelines

to improve behaviour from some of the MPs with a bonk ban on politicians having relationships with staffers. So a whole lot of things being considered. Also limiting the sale of alcohol at the bar at Parliament House. And talks amongst senior MPs saying limited alcohol access and sort of putting in place if you work with them. Right. No, hook it up. This is just for the politicians.

It's not saying every workplace in Victoria has a bonk ban. No. You know, the bonk ban. No. You need a little bonk ban. So if you've had adult time at your workplace, 83% of people answering no, 17% of people answering yes. Oh, my God. Wow.

And it might have been 18% if Hayley had been truthful and the rest of the country. It only just popped back into my mind years ago. I might keep this anonymous. Let's keep all of these anonymous. I worked at a hotel when I was 22 and the head security guard and I had a little rendezvous in all kinds of unoccupied spaces and places.

I mean, you've got all those empty rooms. Well, that's what I knew what places were empty and he had the keys. Oh, yeah, perfect. That's really, that's hot. When I worked at a summer camp for children with special needs in Texas. Jesus Christ.

Okay, that's not a great start to this. Because you're not going to say, when I worked at a summer camp for people with special needs in Texas. No, we didn't. We had adult fun time in the chapel on the grounds in the broom closet. Right, this is someone else that worked at the camp in the broom closet. Right. This is someone else that worked at the camp. Yeah, right.

Somebody else who worked at the camp. Jesus was watching, wasn't he? It may have been Jesus himself. Wow. Hashtag everything's bigger in Texas. Hey! Hello. We got a naughty girl.

We got a naughty girl. I love that. Keep this anonymous. Deal. But I had some adult time one day while working at Christchurch Airport. Scary thing was about a week or so later, a certain all black was doing the same thing at the same airport. Roomie toilet, that one.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Very accessible. Got a lot of attention after that, didn't it? I worked at a restaurant. I was a waitress and I was seeing one of the chefs at the time. One night we hooked up in the walk-in fridge while service was happening. I hope the handle didn't come off from the outside. In the walk-in fridge.

Also did it after work in other places once all the staff had left too. Oh my God, I hope you wiped them surface. I hope you cleared the security cameras too. God, you've got a council inspection tomorrow. You don't want to drop a grade. Yes. We've found a couple of cockroaches and I can't even say it. A butt print.

A greasy butt print on the stainless steel topped bench. Yes, at Taupo Hospital when I worked as an orderly on the night shift. What? Because they've got these little sleeping rooms, don't they? Do they? It's just a room. Yeah, it's just a room. You don't have to sleep in there.

Because my lover is my hubba hubba colleague, and yes, I'm his boss. Oh, okay. Hashtag that's the media for you. I thought we tried to stomp that out. Wow. Do we need a bonk ban in the media? Yeah. People lost their jobs. I thought we tried Now I thought we tried To stomp that out Wow Do we need a bonk man In the media Yeah

People lost their jobs We're trying to Stomp that out Naughty naughty naughty Not this media Aww Despite what Shortland Street

Would have you think A hospital is not Really the place for it No And it's too sterile And yuck Isn't it Too sterile

Yeah You like your sex places to be a bit dirty? Filthy, do they? A bit filthy and gritty. No, like lino and bleach. It's not sexy. That's easy clean. Yeah, no, it's not sexy.

All I can say is the council staff like to get down. When the public leave the pools for the night and the light goes off, the lifeguards get freaky. That's hot. What? That's hot. Also, we all avoided ever sitting on the sex couch in get freaky. That's hot. What? That's hot. Also, we all avoided ever sitting on the sex couch in the staff room.

Eww! Eww! Anonymous. This was a juicy one. This is a good one. Anonymous. I'm an ex-paramedic. I worked my situation ship for a while and things got wild. A manager caught us walking from the shower

together after the page went off for a purple call. What's a purple call? That's Barney. Barney's in trouble. Help me. Barney's got his own line. I injured my back

doing the wild thing on the stretcher and I had to report it as it actually happened picking up a patient. Oh, okay. Give a gay a chance to get his end away

and he's going to jump at it. Of course. That's them, not me. That's from the gay's mouth. Yeah, not Vaughan's mouth. No, I didn't mean to say the gay's mouth. That is from the mouth of the person. The person who sent that in is a homosexual

and they're saying that on behalf of other homosexuals. He's quite flustered, isn't he? Yeah, he's got his bat head like. He's very flustered, isn't he? He's so flustered. I've just had a little pitiful call. Oh my god, now the texts are rolling in. Do you know what? I feel this poll result, because what was it?

74? 84. People were lying, weren't they? 83%. 17% had saucy stories. Any good texts? 84. 80-something. People were lying, weren't they? Yeah. Come on. 83%. No, it's way more. 17% had saucy stories. Saucy sayings. Any good texts?

What is that face? On the bus I was driving after all the drop-offs, it just so happened that Hubby was on board the bus. Oh. So they park it up and they get nasty in the back. Goodness, mate. Get nasty. Ooh-weh.

Get yourself nasty. Ooh-weh. Ooh-weh. Ooh-weh. Ooh-weh. Oh, God, there's more. Yeah, we're done here. Okay, we're done. We're done here.

We're done here. With the smart. We're done here. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Guys, France, one of the biggest, what do you call them? Makers. Producers. Producers.

Producers. Thank you. One of the biggest producers of wine in the world. You'd say we're there. France is good. Spain's pretty good. Italy's pretty good. Argentina.

Australia's pretty good. Chile. Argentina's pretty good. But that's sort of where it stops. Oh, Barossa Valley in California. Yeah, America's got some wine. They've got some wines. Do you want to know the actual India, China?

Is it just by default the biggest producers of everything also produce the most wine? Italy is number one. They produce 49.8% of the world's wine. Delish. It's amazing for a country that size. I know. That's enough wine to fill the equivalent of

nearly 2,000 Olympic sized swimming pools. Yes. France is second, followed by Spain. Right. Well, France is going to have to start making a lot less because apparently wine consumption in France has been absolutely

plummeting since 1926 for 100 years, essentially. Right. The average French citizen. Well, thank God we got onto it early. Oh, I know. 100 years until we've addressed this problem. How much were they drinking in the post-World War I, pre-World War I era?

So, World War II. No, World War I. Post-World War I, pre-World War I, you said. Yeah. Or the post-World War I would count from 1918 to 1926 where you indicated that there was a change of time to the sort of dropping away. And then pre was just all time before that.

Yes. 1926, the average French citizen drank about 136 litres per year. Jesus. Now that number is closer to 40 per year per citizen. Well, people are being healthier, aren't they? Boring, though. There was a whole thing of the French is that they can eat delicious food and butter and drink wine and they're gorgeous and live young

and live beautiful bodies. Smoke cigs. Yeah, on the dance. Well, because of this, France is about to destroy enough wine to fill 100 Olympic-sized swimming pools, and it's going to cost them about $216 million. Why can't they sell it? Because no one's drinking it.

But I'm always after some wine if I'm doing a crock pot or like a slow roast or something. You want a bit of wine, but you don't want to use the good stuff, you know? So I'll take a couple of casks to, you know, keep the cooking wine on the go and then maybe one for the roast and one for me. So they're saying ruining so much wine sounds ludicrous, but there's a straightforward economic reason

that it's happening. Making wine is getting more expensive due in part to recent world events and people are drinking less of it. That's left some producers with a surplus that they cannot price high enough to make a profit. But surely some money is better than no money. Get back what you can rather than dumping it.

Yeah. I'm just trying to think of other uses for it. So the European Union has given France $172 million to destroy it. What? How bizarre. And then producers will use the funds to distill their wine into pure alcohol to be used for other products, such as cleaning and perfume.

Wild. So the next perfume you buy. So you just keep distilling it once there's an alcoholic content to it. You just keep distilling it until it's pure alcohol and then it can be used for other purposes. That is wild. So you basically, instead of you, the winemaker, selling it at a loss, France is going to, or the European Union is going to pay you

to destroy it by over-distilling it, making it into alcohol and giving it back for other uses like perfumes. I love wine. I know you do. I have a 17-hole rack. I know, yeah. I noticed a few of those holes were empty the other day. I was just going to say, you've got this new kitchen,

you've been renovating, you've got enough wine bottles to fill every hole in the kitchen. How many holes are there now? Eight holes. Eight. Eight left or eight empty? Eight holes. Eight left or eight empty? Eight holes. Eight holes empty. We've had eight of the bottles

in a week. Two weeks. We shared some. Not a lot, to be fair. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Now, alcohol does things to you, doesn't it? Now God, alcohol does things to you

doesn't it? And sometimes it makes you post things online or send things off that you don't intend to I've done this, luckily I'll get a little message being like, hey was that for everyone? And you're like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no

You posted something recently and I was like, okay I was that for everyone? And you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Did you post something recently? And I was like, okay, I don't think she meant to post that. When I woke up in the morning and I was like, I don't think that was meant for the story. I was at a party. That wasn't meant for a story. It was a bit loose. Especially when you wake up at 8 o'clock and it's like, Hayley Sproul posted three hours

ago. You're like, oh, babe, go home. That's fine. That's fine. Go home. Well, a woman has shared that on TikTok, she's shared that her partner was out at a rave and uploaded a video of the rave, but with a slightly different audio.

This is the wrong song. Rocking around the Christmas tree and the hat's been done And it's gone viral because obviously the song doesn't match the video. And apparently he was like blottoed and was like, I'm going to rave and add this, but then somehow added this song on top by mistake.

Everyone was like, I'm going for like a whatever the song was called. Rockin' or something. Rockin' into clubs. But instead added rockin' around the Christmas tree. Very silly. And against the video, it's really funny because the rave's like, one of those big like UK like,

Yeah. Horrible. It's a lot. But it got me thinking. Yeah. It got me thinking, I want to know what you drunkenly uploaded. Oh, okay. You know, maybe you were sending off a personal message.

I mean, I've said it time and time again, and she loves when I bring up the story when my friend sent me a full body nude, just standing in front of the mirror like, and then just sent her. Yeah. And I was like, oh, babe. So that was meant for someone.

It was meant for her partner at the time. Yeah. She was just a bit drunk. They were doing a long distance relationship. It was nothing sexy about it. Literally just like came home, clothes off, take a photo. This is my naked body. Or it just could have been a post or an upload where you're so drunk,

you don't know, but your thumb's accidentally just pressing on the gallery and on the upload button. Oh, no. And then you go to sleep and you wake up and you've posted something you shouldn't have. You don't like to see it. You open Instagram the next morning and you're like, wow, I've got circles.

Or maybe something that you think was funny at the time. Yeah. And you wake up and you're like, it's not. That was not funny. I mean, everyone's guilty of getting drunk and posting way too much concert footage. Yeah, a little bit. and you're like, it's not. That was not funny. I mean, everyone's guilty of getting drunk and posting way too much concert footage. Yeah, a little bit. And then being like, I want to tell everyone that I'm sorry.

And you're like, sorry, where are you? What? I'm at Harry Styles. I think you're at Harry Styles. Yeah. Looking at you, Shannon. What was your video? You at Harry Styles.

She's singing along. No, it was at One Republic. One Republic. That's right, it was. That was it. Mum had a few wines at One Republic. Mum did have a few wines.

I didn't know their song was called Screams of the Banshee, but she really, she really, she was really, yeah. And the next morning she had her head on the desk,

so we all know that that was probably not intended to be uploaded. So give us a call. We want to take your calls now. 0800-DARZITM, text through 9696. We've already got a text in. We want to know what you accidentally posted while a little bit inebriated.

Give us a call. But in this moment, we are talking about when you accidentally uploaded or posted something when you were drunk, as we all do. Right? We all do it. Yeah. drunk, as we all do. Right? We all do it. Yeah. Yeah, we all do it. I always, it's not even on my radar.

I do. Like to go on social media or to do, I might send a message to a group, but I'm never like, I just got to let everyone know what I'm doing. I do. I do. No stories. No posts. I love on Sunday morning when someone's giving a drunk piece to camera on their walk home.

I appreciate that they're doing that for a bit of safety too, you know? Going for a little walk. Yeah. Doing the Instagram live. Just a hot take. Instagram live. Horrendous. Anyway, there was a woman, her boyfriend uploaded a video of him at a rave,

but he put the wrong audio over it and played, what is it? Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. Yeah, it's gone viral. The original one. Yeah. And so we want to know what you posted or uploaded when you were a bit tousled. I uploaded my friends and I at karaoke.

No, you can't do that. Instantly admit in brackets, always a bad idea. You know, our previous producer, Anna Henvest, she did that to us, didn't she, when we went out? She's done it multiple times since. It actually probably needs to be addressed. She'll get her on the blower.

I think we need to address it maybe off air, maybe intervention. Nobody sounds good doing karaoke, unless you're a doll. In the moment, you're like, I feel and I sound good. You don't need to know that you didn't. You just need to leave it be where it was. So one of the parts was karaoke and then the next one I accidentally clicked the reverse filter

so everything was in reverse and it just sounded very demonic. Oh, okay. That might have also just been your karaoke. I was a bit drunk and somehow went on Instagram Live. But then fell asleep. So this Instagram Live just kept going, and then everybody was sending me screen recordings

on my Instagram Live because they all got notifications. I've just... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Because I was like farting and like mortified. The sounds of sleeping. My mum posted a screenshot of a movie she wanted to watch 28 times to Instagram

I thought she must have been hacked So I texted her and she called me back She was drunk And somehow it was her stupid phone's fault She was just trying to remember what movie she wanted to watch 28 times, I love that Yeesh I want to know what the movie was

Yeah, must have been I hope it was a good one Yeah Probably had Sandra Bullock in it Yeah, yeah, yeah That one where she lives by the lake Yes, the lake house The lake house I want to know what the movie was Yeah must have been I hope it was a good one Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah That one where she lives by the lake

Yes the lake house The lake house They're sending each other The lake house The lake house I just love Blind sight I don't care what they say

I don't care what they say I accidentally snapchatted A topless photo To a group of 10 co-workers Then I panicked Trying to make it go away. It turns out you just have to leave the group and then it will disappear if they haven't already seen it.

Oh, okay. One person, however, that I know of saw it and it was the most uptight person at work. But if you're uploading, you've probably got a good rack. You'll be all right. You know what I mean? Like, oh, how embarrassing. But also.

Own it. Yeah. Someone said what I mean? Like, oh, how embarrassing, but also own it. Someone said, I wasn't even drunk. Can I use it as an excuse now? But I took a very sexy pic of myself with a caption saying, go into bed, and accidentally put it on my story. Oh, that's so embarrassing. And then went to bed. My friend messaged me saying, who are you laying down the sauce

for? I was up for 26 minutes and only seen by nine people, thankfully. Otherwise, I would have been up all night. Nine people is still a lot. Oh my God, go to bed. I wasn't opposed, but I text after I'd had too many jars of soup. Jars of

soup. I sent a text to my friend complaining all about my girlfriend at the time saying all the stuff she was doing to annoy me and how I wanted to pull the pin and send it to the girlfriend because of the jars of beer. That's classic. That's good. Now that's a problem taken care of.

Yeah. Drunk you was just like, let's just go straight to the source here. Oh God. Drunkenly Snapchatted a lingerie pic to a group rather than the crush. Yup. That'll happen.

Accidentally uploaded a selfie of my face to Instagram. No makeup. Hard frowning. As I had had Botox and I was trying to check how, like when I was frowning, how much it stopped it. Just going, yeah. I posted a half-naked photo of myself, thankfully my back, which I took to document my extensive sunburn,

to a trade me listing for a car park. Yes. I do love seeing that always. I was uploading like, I took these photos of the graffiti down at the community hall. And it's like all the six graffiti photos and then like two more that are just like someone's birthday. Yes, yeah. I love a bit of that. Love it. Oh my God. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hay birthday. Yes, yeah. I love a bit of that. Love it. Oh my God.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Project Swifty. Oh, and it's Hayley's version. Of course. Oh my God, you guys. Well, Project Swifty. Hayley. The journey continues.

Transforming me into a Swifty. Now, if you haven't headed to our TikTok and seen, I did a few TikToks as instructed by the TayTay girls, and I think I nailed them. I even got in the shower at work in my clothes. That was a bit wild. People love to wear jandals. That shower, I don't know, that seems like a jandals shower.

No, raw dogged it. You raw dogged it. I reckon there's some athletes put in that show. Yeah, a bit of a fungal thing happening now. But anyway, I am ready for my next task. Yeah, beautiful. And I will say, you were so good on TikTok. I was very proud of you.

I know. So today, after the show, Carwen and I will be running you through a Taylor Swift seminar. We have spent hours crafting a presentation to show you, explaining every album, every pop culture moment throughout the 10 eras. Everything you need to know to nail Taylor Swift knowledge.

Wow, okay. Do you know I'm really good at studying? I'm really good at memorising things. I'm thick as but I did so well at school because I would just cram. Goes in. Goes in. Goes in and then it goes out and it's gone.

Well, I'll send you the link afterwards. You can study over it. Okay. This is why you're good at remembering lines for your acting. Really good for all the acting I do. So from this seminar, am I going to be quizzed on this?

You are going to need to absorb all that information. And then on Thursday, you will be doing a Hayley's version. God, it's been a while. It's been a while. She's been renovating. What about all of the knowledge of Taylor Swift? Yes, about everything that you've learned.

Okay. And you'll perform that for us on this Thursday. Two days. Two days. You've made it tight. Don't worry. We'll be great teachers. It'll be nice and easy.

So I'm going to sit through a seminar. Are the boys coming to this seminar? God, no. Beg your pardon? Oh, I'm busy. Don't want this.

You don't even know when it is yet. I know all the Taylor Swift things anyway. Oh, crazy. What's your favourite era? What mistakes? Probably when she

threw it all that fan mail. No, era. That's what you would call an era. Era of judgement. Era. Ah. You's what you would call an error. Error of judgment. Error. Ah. Dating John Mayer?

That was an error? Yeah. Okay. Okay, well, I will absorb this knowledge and I'll do a Hayley's version. But she's got such a big voice, I don't know what song. I'll do a version.

It'll be delicious. Okay, you perform this for us on Thursday. I will. What Taylor Swift song are you going to pick? Yeah, I know that's what I'm trying to think because her voice is so much higher than mine. You've got about 250 to pick from. 250?

What? Well, join us Thursday for Hayley's version. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Taylor Swift, it's your 8 o'clock song. Should have said no. Listen out for that next song at midday with Georgia. The song at four to win a double pass to see her live in Sydney.

How fun is the thrill of dating? You know, sometimes I yearn for it. Sometimes I think back to the little text messages and stuff. Oh, okay. You know, when you're like... Like the thrill of the chase or something? Yeah, you know, like when I was first dating Aaron and you'd get a text, you would see it was from him

and you'd be like, oh, exciting. Now I'm like, what do you want? Oh, right. What is this going to say? God not again. What problem is this going to be? Go on. Kind of changes.

Yeah, it does change, doesn't it? You could make an effort to... No, no. Okay. No, thank you. I'll stop you there. Yeah, it does change, doesn't it? You could make an effort to... No, no. Okay. No, thank you. I'll stop you there. Yeah. I'll stop.

Appreciate your input as a friend. Yeah. No, thank you. Stop right there. I'm just thinking, it seems like you want it, but you're not giving it. No, I'm not going to do it. Could you pretend that you've just started dating again? But a role play.

Yeah. Well, how there. Is that how that started? My name's Aileen Spratt. I was just training here to be an actress. He's like, hi there. Wait, so you're both southern bound. I thought he would have been like a stiff-lipped

upper English gentleman from World War II. Oh, yes. Well, it's good to be an actress in the future and that. Well, I'm doing my master's in directing. We're a world at war. Oh, we're. Bloody hell. I'd like to take y'all out on a date.

I'd love to, but I've got to meet Churchill. Oh, goody. We're landing the boys on Normandy, Janice. See, this is really, I don't know, I know it seems silly, but this is really doing it for me right now. This is really pumping it up. Because it's a bit of acting, a bit of attention. A little bit of acting, a little bit of attention, silly voices.

It's the lot. You guys got a lot going on. Because we... Got a lot going on at the moment. You don't need to be, you know, worrying too much about that. Oh, God, no. We've parked it. We've parked it all.

It's been parked. It's been parked. Because we, I mean, me and Aaron, there's an article here about when is the right time that you make it official when you're actually like, this is my boyfriend. As opposed to like, we're seeing each other or we're dating. But we were quite quick.

I mean, our first date lasted two days. We just didn't come home. We didn't turn up to school. We just hung out, get to know each other. Just hanging around. Oh, yes. Just hanging around. All right, bloody hell. All right, boys, storm the benches. Have a bloody good time.

But then, like, quite quickly, we just spent a lot of time together. And I can't remember the day. Did you say, like, do you want to go around with me? Yeah, do you want to go around with me? We're going around together. I don't think we even said, do you want to be my boyfriend? October 10th, 2004. Oh, we remember. That was the official day. What did you say? He said, do you want to be my boyfriend? October 10th, 2004. Oh, he remembers.

That was you? That was the official day. And what did you say? He said, do you want to go running? No, shut up. I said, what's the time? She's not in the car yet. Otherwise you're going to be in trouble.

I see. I think it's one of those things that I've told myself this because it winds her up so many times. I remember it as a memory now, which I am great at doing, just manipulating my own memory. Yeah, same, same. To suit my narrative. I think it's cool being a psychopath.

Is that gaslighting yourself? What shall I tell my friends we are? Oh yeah, that's a nice way to do it. What am I going to tell my friends we are? And I said, and in my memory she said, is it alright if I tell my friends you're my boyfriend? Yeah. Cute. Which is wild.

You should have seen him, he would have been so lucky. Very lucky. He's like, you will my boyfriend. Yeah. Cute. Which is wild. You should have seen him. He would have been so lucky. Very lucky. He's like, you will be lucky every day. But yeah, in my mind, she was like, is it all right if I tell my friends you're my boyfriend? Can I please, please be my boyfriend? But it was probably more of a discussion of like, what are we? What are we like?

What do we tell people we are? We're hanging around a bit. And I said, I'll be your boyfriend. And you'll be my brother's shoe line. Yeah, but right off right, go and storm the board, bitches, at Normandy. Well, apparently the experts say two months is a safe amount of time to have the kind of conversations you need to have in order to make it official. So was that about two months after we first ever met?

Yeah, but probably like, then there was a few weeks of, yeah, probably two months after we met. On average, that just works out to be the best time. Because it gives you enough time to ask the big questions like religion, finances, sexual preferences, communication styles. What do you think of Adolf Hitler? His rise to power.

I don't think very highly of that there gentleman at all. We've got to deal with that. Put it there. Wow, we see politically eye to eye. Will you be my boyfriend? I will. See?

Just like that. Easy. Just like that. Just like that. So two months. Two months is the sweet spot. God, I'm mad. Fletch, could you even imagine

someone hanging around for that long? Oh God, shoe flight would bother me. Shouldn't you be leaving? Yeah, shouldn't you have left like one and a half months ago? Oh, what the hell? Why are. I know. Shouldn't you be leaving? Yeah, shouldn't you have left? Oh, what the hell?

Why are you still here? Yeah. That's crazy. I'm dangerously close to learning your name. I will need you to leave. Fawn Ellen Smith. Flaen, Fawn and Hayley. It's 14 past eight. I think you just said your own name wrong.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It sounds like he said Flock. Anyway. I won't dwell on Flock. Unbelievable. Okay, if you could. No, I'm going to dwell on Flock for a second. You have to change your vowel.

One vowel. In your name. So you're Flock. I could be Fletch. I could be Hooley. I'll be Hooley. What are you? I don't know what vowel you want to change.

Your name's weird. It's hard. Mine's misbalanced for changing a vowel. I'll be V-A-U. Vaghan. Vaghan. Veghan. Why are you going double A?

So you're replacing my U with another A. So Vaghan. You're Vaghan. Vaghan. Vaghan. Hooley. Flitch. Vaghan and Hooley.

Flotch. Yep. Flotch, Varkhan and Hooley. Flotch. Yep. Flotch, Varkhan and Hooley. Yeah. Good fun. What a mix. At the weekend, Jared told our lads chat that he'd discovered a new drink. This was something that I think his partner had sent on TikTok and he tried it and he

was trying to get us to try it and I was like, no, I'm a grown man. Do you remember when people were saying that soy sauce and soda water tasted just like Coke and that went round and everyone was having it and being like, that's soy sauce and soda water babe. Damn, I'm glad I didn't try that.

Looked like, probably looked like it colour wise. Looked just like it. Anyway, he can tell us. He's in the producer's booth with a fresh one on the brew. Yep, yep. Got my bottle of Sprite and my two tea bags in it. So wait, what? He's fingering a tea bag into a Sprite.

I just kind of poke it in the hole and let it go. He's fingering it in there. My finger doesn't get wet or anything. It just pokes the tea bag. Do you have to sip a little bit? the table do you have to sip a little bit yeah you'd have to yeah I had to pour some out

because yesterday when I did it I skipped that step and it was like a 10 minute process going oh yeah so what kind of

so you just get a normal Sprite this is not Sprite Zero it's full Shugs are we going full Shugs yeah I went full Shugs today good lord

we're getting a glass brought into us to try this. But this also isn't standard tea today, is it? You've moved to a slightly posher tea. Yeah, I can't remember the brand, but it's an apple crumble tea. Oh, my gosh. I think it's Belle. Could be Belle. I think it's a Belle tea.

Wait, there's a tea bag that's apple crumble flavour. What flavour is crumble? Flour. Flour and sugar. That's a really good question. It would be enough to qualify as crumble even though that's just on the apple rather than the crumble. So it's tea and Sprite.

It smells like a Sprite-y crumble. It smells like an apple-y. For us, I pour a little bit of fireball in there. Oh, it just put me in the eye. What was that? I thought you were reacting to the sweetness, but you were reacting to a bubble in the eye. What was that? I thought you were reacting to the sweetness, but you were reacting to a bubble in the eye. What is this?

Is this like a sweet tea? It's almost like the ice cream soda. It's like golden circle cream and soda. But it's so sweet, Jared. How are you drinking this? One mouthful was enough. Maybe I'll try sugar-free next time. That's a lot. That's so sweet, Jared. How are you drinking this? One mouthful was enough. Maybe I'll try sugar-free next time. That's a lot going on. No, sugar-free's sweeter

because they put in sweeteners. I love in summer, I've done this, but I just use my SodaStream and use some of the blackcurrant teas or the raspberry teas. They're really nice. I hate you. Stop talking. That's a dumb idea.

It's refreshing. It's nice. Just drink a freaking glass of water. Can I just get you to shut up? Because that's ridiculous. They're nice. It's like an iced tea.

It's like an iced tea. You put vodka in it? But no sugar. No, you don't put vodka in it. Pimms? Why would you drink fizz without vodka? I don't understand

what's happening. Okay. It's a good option. That, Jared, no. You're going to get the diabetes. You can't drink this every day. It's lovely. It's a lovely little freshie.

On a winter's day. On a winter's morning, a little fresh fizzy. Is this in place of your morning Red Bull or in addition to? No, I don't. This isn't a breakfast drink. I love a fresh fizzy. Is this in place of your morning Red Bull or in addition to your morning Red Bull? This isn't a breakfast drink. This is a five o'clock, a little dash of whiskey, a little bit of this.

Like a little fireball whiskey too. Yeah, he loves the cinnamon. It's the more cinnamon. He loves the cinnamon. Yeah. Okay, well, I'm not going to knock it totally because I do love a sparkling water and a fruity teabag.

Thank you. It's the diet version. That was very sweet. Yeah, I've been getting bag but it's the diet version. That was very sweet. Yeah, I've been getting grief about this in the last chat. I mean, to be fair,

if you put whiskey in anything, I'm happy. Yeah, it certainly adds a certain Jenny Sequat to the entire situation. Very much a Jenny Sequat.

Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day, you sent me this fact of the day ages ago. Completely forgot about it. Swore it last night. Was like, that's right. So today's fact of the day, you sent me this fact of the day ages ago. Completely forgot about it. Swore it last night. Was like, that's right.

So today's fact of the day is about wind socks. Ah, yeah. Wind socks. Yes. Love this. They're on a flagpole and they're orange with a big opening and the opening gets smaller. It looks like a cone but it's made of material. It goes orange, white, orange, white, orange, white.

Yes. You always see them at the airport. And you're always like, I know that when it's full, it's facing the way the wind's coming from. Yeah, because it's been. The largest opening is facing towards the wind. The wind is whistling down the sock, and if the sock is fully pointing out flat at a horizontal,

the wind is humming. Yeah. But did you know that each of the lines indicates a wind speed? No. So if the windsock is facing the wind and it gets to the first join and then after that it goes floopy. Floopy. That means the wind is blowing at five and a half kilometres an hour.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is so clever. I know. And there's a windsock where August has been playing netball this season. Yeah. And someone said, oh, it's windy today, and I looked up and I saw the first one and I was like, well, about 5.5k an hour, I reckon, because it was only up to the first wind. And were they just like, how do you know? They were like, what?

How do you know that? And then I was like, hmm. And then I told them about the windsock and they were like, that's amazing. Something they'll never forget. If it gets up to the second section of the sock, the wind is at about 11 kilometers an hour. Oh yeah. So the first three segments

of the windsock are up and then the last two have dropped down 16 kilometers an hour. Next one, have a guess. 22. If you're doing the maths, it's 22. Sorry, I have a guess. 22. If you're doing the maths, it's 22.

Sorry, I was just carrying the one. That's fully understandable. Sorry, excuse me. The top speed it can record before it's just like from here on out. It's too windy. 28 kilometres an hour is how fast the wind needs to be blowing for the whole sock to be full.

Wow. I feel like maybe I didn't know this because all the socks where I grew up in Wellington always full. Isn't there a sculpture that's just an erect sock in Wellington? It doesn't flop. It's just like this is how windy we are here now. I didn't even think about it, but maybe that's also the art speaking. Wow. But like now now all,

like aircraft now would have incredible senses and it would just know. Yeah, airports and stuff all have senses. I've got a wind meter in my weather station. Really?

God, you're such a dad. Dads love a weather station. They love a bit of wind. Yeah, but I can't figure out how to turn on the notifications. I get a notification when it rains more than

0.3 mil an hour. Now that's sort of a heavy-ish shower. Right. It says it's raining. So I could be at work and I get a little thing on my phone saying it's raining at home. What I want is when I've got to work out how to turn on the notifications, it tells me when it's blustery at home. Why would you need to know that it's blustery at home?

Why do you like to know? You look outside the window and just see the rain. Well, I'm not at home now, so it's still here here but it could be blustery as all hell at home. But what are you going to do about it if you're blustery at home and you're at work? Now I just know that it's blustery.

What am I going to do if it's raining at home? I can't stop the rain but it's nice to know. Well, you go try to cover some things up. Get the clothes in. Get the washing in.

It's too late. I'm like 30 kilometres from home. Oh, bugger. I'm never getting home to get that washing in in time but if it's also blustery maybe if the wind stops the window will dry.

Yeah. So today's fact of the day is those windsocks you see, each line on the windsock indicates an increase in speed, up to 28 kilometres an hour wind speed when all sections of the sock are up. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. There is a man in India who has been arrested. I believe he's been returned home since this happened. Okay. But he was arrested at an airport in India

after he turned up in a pilot's uniform and said he was a pilot for Air India. And they were like, it's not quite right. So then they got in, you know, airport security got involved, started asking questions.

And then he was like, oh no, I'm just, I'm doing training. I'm training to become a pilot. And they looked through his luggage and he had like all these like flight safety manuals and his phone had lots of pictures of him as a pilot. At that point, he was handed over to the police being like, this man is not a pilot. Okay. Who is he? Well, let's just see if he can fly though. You know, we're in a shortage. We're in a skill shortage.

I reckon give the guy a chance to prove himself. Imagine doing that and being like, all right, then. Pilot. Pilot away. When I'm not a pilot, I'm not a pilot. Pull up. So what turns out is that he had to admit in the end that he's not a pilot. Yeah.

And he likes to dress up as a pilot and take photos of himself as a pilot to impress his multiple girlfriends who live in different cities around India. You crafty dog. And he's got a wife and kids. Oh, wait, what? Oh, you crafty crafty dog. And the reason he wears the pilot's uniform on flights

is that he can take photos of him on planes to make the story more believable. Yeah, but why not? Don't try to get on the plane. Just take a photo. He changed in the bathroom. He was on the plane to visit one of his other girlfriends. When he got caught. Yeah.

He has girlfriends in four different cities and he was travelling on board to meet one of them who I suppose would have been there and he would have come out with a briefcase and a pilot, and she's like, oh, my God, that's hot, man. That's my pilot. That's hot. That's my pilot boyfriend.

Because would that be one of the most desirable professions to date? Aren't they, like... It's hot. ...notory? Notorious. I mean, this guy's a great example, and he's a fake pilot of a pilot with multiple girlfriends. Well, because you watch so many layovers,

you're like, well, I might just have to sleep with someone. There's a power ranking. Yeah, yeah. Well, because you watch so many layovers, you're like, well, I might just have to sleep with someone. There's a power ranking. Yeah, right. But every day that they go to work, they hold in their hands the lives of hundreds of people. Oh, that is hot. Yeah, surgeons are doing that one at a time. Oh, yeah.

Pilots are doing it hundreds at a time. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a power dynamic. Especially if I'm boarding a small plane, I'll always put my nose in the window.

What, just to see what the pilots look like? Oh, yeah. And then if they're hot, I'm always like, hot pilot, hot pilot. It's one of those jobs where if they're younger than me, I think,

you're too young to be doing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even though I am well beyond the age of an entry-level pilot. I know. Yeah, I don't know about this. His punishment, I think he kind of got away with it.

All he had to do was text all his girlfriends. They made him text his girlfriends and be like, I'm not a pilot. That's just embarrassing. They don't know about this. His punishment, I think he kind of got away with it. All he had to do was text all his girlfriends. They made him text his girlfriends and be like, I'm not a pilot. Which is just embarrassing. They don't actually, he could have been like, no, I will not. They can't make you text your girlfriends. I think it was either that or go to jail.

Yeah. But is it because he didn't try to pilot the plane? Well, he didn't try to pilot the plane. No, yeah, he wasn't like trying to do it for any kind of really malicious intent or get free flights or anything.

He like paid for them. He just wanted to impress his girlfriends, get photos of him as a pilot. Because girls like pilots. Yeah. Yes. Now, I want to know

if you've ever discovered someone you're dating has been lying about their job to impress you. Because I genuinely don't feel like I wouldn't care what you do. I wouldn't care what anybody do. I wouldn't care what

anybody does. Yeah. I mean, let me say, like a drug dealer or something. But pretty hot if they get to drive the tugboats. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, hot. They get to tow the big boats. Yeah. Yeah, I don't care, but I care if it's hot in a positive way. Yeah. But if it was just a normal job or whatever, I'd be like,

cool. Whatever, yeah. But some people I guess... I don't want your money, honey. Some people I guess, like, there's that whole, like you say, the power thing. And an insecurity as well. Yeah. I'm just, you know, I just work in a hospital. And you're like, that's great. Make me a drink then. Play to your strengths.

Yeah, exactly. But then some people feel that they do need to kind of embellish there. Jazz it up a bit. Yeah, jazz up their job. Or maybe you discovered it. Or I'll also accept if you've done this and you've lied about your job. Oh, yeah. Maybe you discovered it or I'll also accept if you've done this and you've lied about your job and then maybe got discovered.

And for what reasons? Because if you were on holiday in Europe, you could tell anybody you did anything, right? They're not going to know. I only ever lie to Uber drivers or people being like, what do you do for a living? Because when I say it,

I have such a fun and exciting career. I kind of can't be bothered getting into it. You know what I mean? You're just like, I just work in an office. Or when I used to say, I'm an actor. Oh yeah, what have you been in? Oh, mostly theatre. Oh, anything I would have seen?

Would you go to the theatre? No, God no. Well, then probably not. Have you been to Shortland Street? No, I haven't. That's the conversation. You'd just be like, ah, I'm a hairdresser. Yeah.

And they'd be like, why does your hair look so ratty You'd just be like, ah, I'm a hairdresser. Yeah. And they'd be like, why does your hair look so ratty? You'd be like, ah, busy making other people's. Yeah, you'd need to choose a better profession. Yeah, yeah. So we want to take your calls.

0800 DALS at M. Give us a call. You can text through 9696. Has a date or a partner or a boyfriend or girlfriend, anyone, ever lied to you about what they did for a living?

And how did you find it out? Whether it was to impress you or just so you didn't ask questions. Yeah, yeah, just being like, maybe they're a spy. Oh my God, what do people that are spies say they do? Laundry. Other stuff, laundry.

They run a laundromat. They run a laundromat. No, that's drugs. Yeah, that was, especially since Breaking Bad. Car wash, laundromat, you name it. 0800 DALES at Emerson number, text through 9696. When did someone lie to you about what they did for a living?

Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Asking this morning if you've ever dated somebody that lied about their occupation. A guy in India has been arrested after impressing all of his girlfriends with his pilot photos, but he's not a pilot. He's not a pilot. And it was discovered when he was trying to get on a plane dressed as a pilot. It wasn't a pilot.

And his punishment was that he had to text his girlfriends, multiple girlfriends, and tell them, hey, I'm not a pilot. That's a funny punishment. Did his wife think he was a pilot as well? No. No, she knew. No, no, no, no. He would put his pilot uniform in a bag and then, oh my God.

Some messages in. My sister's dad used to tell a woman he was a brain surgeon. That's why he had a hospital pass, but he was an orderly. Now, there's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You've got a good job and you're doing an essential part of the health service. Yeah. There's no brain surgeon, is it?

My ex said he was ex-SAS. Oh, yeah? And left to be a bodyguard for hire overseas. He was kicked out of the army, I found out later, and everything else was fabrication. Okay, Jenny, good morning. Good morning. Now, you were dating someone.

What did they tell you that they did, and what did they actually do? Okay, so I was with my ex-partner a few years ago and I was really young and naive. I was only 16 at the time. He told me that he was doing security at night time for like a couple of the local clubs. Oh, a bouncer. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

And then one evening one of his friends came over to check up and to say, hey, is he at work? And I was like, yeah, he is. And he goes, oh, do you actually, is he at work? And I was like, yeah, he is. And he goes, oh, do you actually know what he's doing? And I was like, yeah, he's doing security. And he goes, actually, no, he's a man of the night. Oh!

Man of the night! Wow, okay. Making the money. Making the monies. Wow. A different Kind of bouncing Really isn't it So how did you

Very different Sort of bouncing How did you Approach it with it You're not stopping So many people From coming in Are you

No you're not Yeah well It was a little bit Awkward too Because we had Literally just found out That I was pregnant With my first daughter

So it was Okay Yeah well Thanks Yeah our Mightly visions Were no longer Going to be happening Yeah wow with my first daughter, so it was, um... Okay, well, thanks. Yeah, our mightly visions were no longer going to be happening. Yeah, wow. Okay, okay, okay. What a plot twist there. Absolute plot twist.

Wowee. Jenny, thanks for your call. Messenger 9696, so many juicy stories coming through. Has somebody you were dating lied to you about their occupation? Good Lord, the messages we are receiving. We want to know if someone's lied to you about their occupation. Good Lord, the messages we are receiving. We want to know if someone's lied to you about their job because a pilot, well, a guy in India was busted pretending to be a pilot because all you need is a hat

and then take a photo on Instagram. Yeah, the black suit. Yeah. That's a... White shirt. Yeah. A lot of the time you don't even need the suit jacket. Do you have to enter the plane in full uniform if you're a pilot?

What do you mean? Well, when they walk into the plane, they're always in full uniform, but then they get there, they sit down, they make themselves comfortable. Take the jackies off. Oh, yeah, I think so, yeah. I'd unbutton the top button on my pants too. When you're sitting down. Yeah, yeah, sitting down for a long time.

Do you reckon if I was a pilot, I'd have to wear that stupid hat? Because I like my hat. No, you'd have to wear their hat. Could I wear my hat? No, you'd have to wear their hat. No, you couldn't just put the badge on your flexi fit.? No, you'd have to wear their hat. No, it's... You couldn't just put the badge on your flexi-fit. I don't think that would work.

That's not how it works. Well, he does love a cap, though. You look good in a pilot's hat. Anybody looks good in a pilot's hat. Everybody does. It's the power of the hat. And that's why people are pretending to be pilots. That's right.

The most popular text message we got was people saying that they're dolphin trainers. Are you being pranked? I would have thought... He was a carpet layer, but his van was professionally sign written saying dolphin trainer, purely to attract women. But I would have thought you'd be cancelled now after all the docos and stuff. That's what I was thinking.

Has this time gone by, or are you... Maybe back in the day. Now you just say, oh, wait, you have animals in captivity? Yeah, wow. Shame on you. My husband, who's from England, came here on holiday before I snatched him up and used to tell the ladies he was a dolphin trainer. Somebody else said dolphin trainer used to work a charm. What?

Wait, is there something we're not... Are we missing a euphemism here? A euphemism. A euphemism. Euphemism. My ex-boyfriend told me he was a big tech guy. Turns out he lived at home with his mum and was unemployed, but quite liked playing on the computer.

Well, that's a lot of tech. Well, yeah. He probably helped mum find the AV channel. Well, his mum probably said, you're my big tech guy, aren't ya? Who's my big tech guy? Yeah, just didn't have the big tech money. Maybe made a pretty quick escape after that. I imagine the guy on Tinder and his whole profile

certainly made it look like we went to the Winter Olympics for snowboarding. We started chatting. Because he just stopped rowing pay-who for a weekend. Probably. And as soon as the Winter Olympics ended, he changed his Tinder to have a Summer Olympics theme. Where he made it seem he would be attending the next Summer Olympics. Two years out of that one. Olympians hot, though.

Like if someone told me they were an Olympian, I'd be like... God, you'd love to be let loose in an Olympic village, wouldn't you? Oh my gosh. I sometimes lie about what I do as I don't want to come across intimidating and I don't want to deal with follow-up questions. I'm a project manager in construction but also a woman and that seems to confuse a lot of people. Oh yeah.

So I say I work at a cafe and they nod. Oh. Hon. Hon. Don't just own it but yeah, I guess you just don't want the questions. Yeah, just follow-up questions. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of pestering questions. Somebody said, my mate was a pilot in the Air Force, flew the big one. Is that the one we were on?

Yeah, the one that we jumped out the back of? The Hercules. The Hercules. Yeah, that was great. Hercules, Hercules. But that's what he actually did, but everybody wouldn't believe him. Oh. When he said he worked in the Air Force and he flowed the big one,

so he just said he was an Auckland-based snowplough driver and no one ever had any questions regarding that. I've had so many questions about snowploughs. Auckland-based snowplough? Yeah. So something that absolutely does not exist. Yeah, I was like. Never has.

It snowed once. But he had less questions and people believed him more than if he said he was an Air Force pilot. Would you love to have a go driving a snow plough, though? Yeah, hell yeah. I'd just be like, Mr. Plough, that's my name. It's Mr. Plough. And then King Plough takes over.

Simpsons reference. But I wouldn't get out of my plough to open a gate. No. No. Okay, Jeremy Renner. I'd stay in the plow. I just, I would also like to have a drive of a grader, which is like a road plow. I want to go on a snowmobile.

I've been on a snowmobile. They are fun. When did you go on a snowmobile without me? When we went to Canada. We went on a snowmobile safari. Must be nice. Spent the whole day and they stopped and they said, this is where the Winter Olympic ski jump's going to be.

And he's like, but I did advise them not to have it here because this is also a very popular area for grizzly bears to hibernate. And he's like, and the rule is if today we see a grizzly bear, we absolutely fang it. And we were like, ha, ha, ha. He's like, seriously, do not stop. Drive as fast as you can. We've got up to 110 kilometres an hour

on a snowmobile. Wait, so you're driving it. You're not just on the back. You're driving it. And then at the end he's like, who wants to do a jump? And all the guys

were like, we do. Classic guys. And we did little jumps. It was great. It was great. That's hot. That's cool.

That's hot. So much fun. Okay, so if you need to lie about a profession, a snowmobile driver. You're a snowmobile driver. Yeah. You're a pilot. What am I? With your hat A snowmobile driver. You're a snowmobile driver. Yeah. You're a pilot.

What am I? With your hat. With my unauthorised hat. Somebody just said you've also both been on a snowmobile at Kadrona. I know this because you sat behind and you held on very tight. When did I do that? I don't even remember that. Kadrona, yeah.

No, you're not thinking about when you got, did you get evacuated on the sled when you hurt yourself? That too. But no, I was on the sled getting dragged behind. I didn't go on the snowmobile. Did I? Yeah. Oh my God, why can't I remember that?

These people are even, this person's claiming we even had a drive of the snowmobile that day. No! You've got to power out of the quarters and remember that. I feel you did and I didn't. Yeah, he holds on tight. God. You both did. This is from when you were broadcasting from Nadia's office about 10 years ago.

Yeah, I remember this ringing a bell. And Kadrona. This is when Hayley Holt was smoking darts. Back on the Durries. Yeah. I was like, I didn't know you smoked darts. That's right. And she's like, don't tell anybody.

And now you're telling the entire nation. Hey, she's off them now. She's well off the darts now. Well off the darts now. Well off the darts. Hey guys, apparently being the company's most successful podcast isn't enough. They want us to tell people to tell more of their friends. So people are clearly liking it, but we have to tell them to tell others to like it.

See, I would concentrate more on the shitter podcasts that the company makes. Yeah, same. You know, the real losers out there. Same. No, no, no, we'll just... Yeah. Maybe we won't say nays. Maybe we should even encourage people to listen to other podcasts that the company makes.

Oh, no no but only after ours yeah nah nah don't do that and not more than ours give us a sexy little review though ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley