ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 29th May 2024

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

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The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now, I've just been alerted to the fact that we have a jackpot

for Human Shazam. So we will start Human Shazam this morning at 8 o'clock with $400. Look, only one person might win Lotto tonight. This is the second biggest prize. Yeah, this is the second biggest prize on offer today in New Zealand. $33 million? Yeah. $400.

Isn't it going up more? Is it $33? I thought last time it was 33. We're at that point now where it's like, oh, gosh. Like it's ridiculous. Oh, yeah, it won't be. 33, it is 33. I apologise.

Apology accepted. Look at that, and we move on. And we move on. We're grown-ups. No, I'm not talking to you now. Uh-oh, now. Hang on. Silent treatment.

Hang on, you apologised. I accepted it, and now you've decided. now. Uh-oh. Now. Hang on. Silent treatment. Hang on. You apologized. I accepted it. It was the way you accepted it. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was the tone. I didn't like the tone. Did you hear the tone? Oh, my God.

Why did you turn it on her? This is ridiculous. He's good at this. Now, my parents are currently. He's out womaning a woman. And I'm here for it. I'm carrying on as us women have to do. We just have to sort of ignore your little boy attitudes and move on with life.

Now, my parents are doing the Camino in Spain at the moment. Oh, that's amazing. My dad just texts me, we are here. Look at the town they just pulled up into. Oh, dear me. You can't say that on the radio. It's a really bad swear word with I-S. Think of the worst swear word

and then I-S at the end. Oh, joy. Is it Spanish? Yeah. What is that Spanish for? Is it Spanish for the C word? Yeah, anyway. Thanks, Dad. Naughty. Very naughty. So yeah, we'll

play Human Shazam 8 o'clock this morning. $400, the jackpot. Nice. The top six on the way. Yes, a principal of a school is in big trouble. They've taken $30,000 out of the school coffers. Oh, dear. Yeah, they've been caught.

I mean, that's low end. Remember that woman who ripped off that private school to nearly, was it nearly a million dollars or just over a million dollars? Yeah. Over a few years? This is why I couldn't be in charge of money. No. Because I'd be a little bit for me.

Yeah. Same. They're not going to notice $20. Yeah, I'd be like a little bit more for me. Yes. They're not going to notice $50. Yeah. And then it all adds up, doesn't it?

Well, I've got the top six sides. Your principle is on the take. Play it. ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. You're going to get away with nothing today. Do you feel that energy? We're just going to absolutely just... Just let me get away with those little things.

Pick him apart. Now, it's getting colder all around the world. No, it's not. That's not true. That's not how weather works. Do you know about the northern and southern hemispheres? No. So it's getting colder in the southern hemisphere.

Yes. And a cafe in Melbourne is under fire because they are charging a heating fee for muffins. Now, in the cold, you've got to have a warm muff. I'll say right now, show sponsor, McCafe would not charge you. They would not. Tehita muff.

Tehita muff. They wouldn't serve you a room temperature muff. It would go without saying. How much is their fee? Their heating fee. The heat fee was a dollar. A dollar? By the way, their muffin is $7.

Now I know... Thy pith hath been taken. Thy pith hath been taken, sir. So that's an $8 muffin now. It's interesting, a $7 muffin. $8 muffin. What, for a minute in the microwave? It's going in the microwave, right?

For 30 seconds on a muff. You're not doing that. It should be factored into the price. Whatever price your muffin is should include whatever it costs to heat it. Well, and the thing that has upset this man who bought the $7 muffin that turned into an

$8 muffin, was that they didn't give him the option. It was just, here's your receipt, $4.50 long black, $7 muffin, $1 heat charge. Doesn't cost a dollar to do 30 seconds in the microwave, my bro. Also, I think 30 seconds is borderline too long.

For a singular muffin. For a singular muffin when all you're doing is warming it. You don't want to recook it. You don't want to stodgy. Depends what the muffin is though, doesn't it? If it's a giant one, it could have been a giant muffin. You don't want the middle to be cold. Well, do you know the cafe has been asked for comment

and they are remaining silent and I'll say their silence speaks volumes. Slow news day in Australia, is it? Slow news day. I mean, a heat fee. Get a grip. When you have a, because obviously if you have a savoury muffin, I'm talking your chives, your fetters,

sun-dried tomato, bacons. Has to be hot. Has to be hot with a bit of butt, right? With a bit of butt. But even a sweet muffin has to be heated. Sweet muffin we're going heated, eh? Always. Would you eat a bran muffin? I wouldn't eat a bran muffin. I love a bran muffin.

I would never, ever, even consider purchasing a bran muffin. My mum makes a banana bran muffin to get things going. Oh yeah, I have a banana muffin. And they're to get things going. Oh, you'll have a banana muffin. And they're real yum. Is she a bit clogged up? Well, she gets a bit clogged up.

Why does she eat one with... Not enough fibre. No, I don't know. It's a problem. Okay. I think she really... Well, then this banana muffin

gets it going. Sounds like she needs to work on her gut health. It does sound like that. Probably does. Yeah. Probably does. I reckon it was

that two or three decades of margarine that did it to her. Yeah. And sweeteners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mar it was that two or three decades of margarine that did it to her. Yeah. And sweeteners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Margarine and sweeteners. She was coming of age in the 70s and 80s.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was big sweeteners, margarines, everything, you know, it was fake. She was microwaving steak. Well, it's good she has a brand muffer, but she serves them hot. She will give you, when she warns, she says, yeah, you want to be careful with those? Yeah. And I had one once. I was like, man, that's yum. And I had another one. And she's you, when she warns, she says, you want to be careful with those? Yeah. And I had one once.

I was like, man, that's yum. And I had another one. And she's like, you're in big trouble. And then I was like, all right, drive back to Auckland. See you later, mum. Got in the car. Got to Morrinsville. She was right.

Oh, no. Did you have to use a public toilet? Got him. The one with the terrible animals painted on the side of it. Right through you. That's great, though. That's good to know. That'll clear you right out.

Yeah. Well, I mean, this is a thing now, isn't it? Well, the cafe's been reached out to for comment and they have their silence speaks volumes. Check before you're asked to reheat your muffin. Could be a dollar. Imagine. Do you want that heated?

Is that going to cost me anything? Most cafes would be like, no. Right? It's part of the price. If you're eating in on the muff too, I reckon cut the muff in half and warm it up in the panini press. That's the way.

Oh, you get almost a re-crisp surface. Yes. Yeah, good. Get a bit of butter in there. You know what I'm saying? Re-butter. Good stuff. 11 past six.

Next on the show. We're going to talk about these bougie earplugs that lots of people are using. I'm a sucker. I bought them. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I'm a sucker for an Instagram ad. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I'm a sucker for an Instagram ad. Now, what do we buy?

Man to sleep. We brought the sleep mask. Man to sleep mask. They were everywhere advertised to me and I bought them and then I hashtag influenced Fletch to buy them and now you've bought a second. Yeah, I use it every night, especially in summer, like daylight savings. It's still a little bit light outside.

You go to sleep and it's pitch black. You've got to be at 7.30. In daylight savings, it's still a little bit light outside. You go to sleep and it's pitch black. If you go to bed at 7.30, in daylight savings, it's full brightness. He puts on sunblock before he goes to bed in case the sun comes through his window. That's how bright it is. Well, another one that I saw ages ago and I bought them was these loop earplugs. Lots of people have them now. I always get advertised those, but the loop looks like it would get in the way of sleeping.

No, it sits like so flat in the ear. That's their whole thing. And they're cute. They look like jewellery. That's the sort of thing. You can make them look cute like jewellery. So I bought those. I bought the switch ones where you can switch them

from like noise filtering to noise cancelling. I was going to Google these but I figure you're just talking about them around my phone. You'll get advertised soon enough. Blue bear plugs. There you go, you'll get that. But now like they're huge. They've gone absolutely wild and Gen Z's like

obsessed with them. Now I will say they're $120. Yeah my dude. And I just paid it're $120. Wow. Yeah, my dude. And I just paid it. I know. Because people are buying them not just for sleeping, but concerts as well. Because they're really, I don't know how they do it.

And when I got them, I was like, oh, I have been ripped off because they are so light. I put them up and I was like, this is just like hollow plastic. Do they charge? They're doing nothing. No, no. was like, this is just like hollow plastic. Do they charge? No, no. They're completely... They just plug your hole. How did you pay so much for them?

I'm seeing them on here for cheaper. On the official loop earplugs. It's in euros, but what do you do? You double a euro, right? Nearly, yeah. Did you get the switch? You got these, Carwin,

you got these for the Taylor Swift concert. Yeah, because everyone was like, you know, you're going to damage your ears because the Taylor Swift concert is like thousands and thousands of girls screaming. Me included. Yeah, fine. But you know what? I didn't actually wear them. So I got a pair for myself and a pair for my friend that I went with.

She loved them because it does actually really block out the screaming. Like all you could hear was Taylor singing. Yeah, that's what they say. Like, it filters noise. But I could also hear myself singing. Is that quite confronting? And that's quite confronting. I don't know that.

I paid $100. I'm just looking at my receipt. I paid $100, including shipping. So $100 for those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they good? They're great. I just use silicone from, like, Teemu or Ali's.

Yeah, I know, but they do too much. Don't you just get a caulking gun of bathroom silicone and squirt it in your ear every night? It's the cheapest way. Just pull it out. Just like rustle it out. Free wax job as well. Well, yeah, Gen Z's obsessed with them because they do.

They're so good for like festivals and concerts. And I reckon if you were going to a festival, as often as Gen Z goes to a festival, you should just be stoked that they're protecting their ears. Coming from a family with two tinnitus sufferers. My brother is a musician. Yeah. And he got the eternal ringing.

I think it's too late for me. You hear how loud my headphones are when I put my headphones down. Okay, we're okay. Speaking of loud, what's happened? We had an accident. We had a water bottle and a coffee cup over. Nothing spilled from either.

Okay, good. Yep, I'm good. Quite a revealing little scream from him though. Yeah. That's how I scream. Quite a revealing little scream. Yeah, yeah.

It's dainty. It really is. I'm sure that there are versions of these that don't cost as much. By the way, I'm not trying to be like, go out and get them, they're amazing

because they are really expensive and they sit in my underdoor. Yeah, get cheaper versions. You can definitely get cheaper versions. Yeah, Timu will have them for like $2. Yeah, probably. Easy. And you can buy a tractor off Timu too, can't you? Or you can just put your, you can buy a tractor while you're there. Anything.

Well, that girl's bought a couch. She's talked about buying a couch. She bought a couch. Some people, you can buy a whole shed. What girl? I don't know, she was just on TikTok saying like, I've got this couch on Timu. And everyone's like, what? What do you mean you've got a couch. She bought a couch. Some people, you can buy a whole shed. I don't know. She was just on TikTok saying like, I've got this couch on Teemu. And everyone's like, what?

She's got a couch on Teemu. A couch. And then it came in the mail. Yeah, just the postie was thumbed in in the letterbox. Yeah.

In bits. In bits, yeah. Yeah, just read it up and put it in small envelopes. The postage was... No, they like deliver it like on a truck and stuff. Madness.

Madness, eh? Teemu's out of control. But surely not in New Zealand. You can get any, because weren't you looking at like, they were like budget tractors? Yeah. And they will, they'll ship them to New Zealand. Hang on.

I'm on Teemu right now. Go away. Don't tell me to log in. I reckon you could buy a stove on there. Couch. Anything. Anything. It's just that you'll just have to pay the shipping.

I could buy a couch right now. How much. Anything. Anything. It's just that you'll just have to pay the shipping. I could buy a couch right now. How much is that couch? There's one for $120. Well, Lily from Big Save's not going to be happy about that. Just tell her I'm not doing it. Well, she can deliver it to you pretty quickly. Yeah, exactly. You can pick the one you want.

Okay, so I'll go on Big Save then. Yes. All right, I'll get a couch. I don't need a couch. Look after our Lily. Okay. Big Save. There you go. Oh, yeah, that's a nice couch. I don't need a couch. Look after our lily. Okay. Big save. There you go.

Oh, yeah, that's a nice couch. Now, what technically you're doing now, I don't know, because it's affordable. I was going to say, because there's something I want to talk about next that I've been partaking in, and I reckon I do this a lot. It's called dream scrolling.

Play ZM's Fletch for the Daily. Play ZM. Two and a for the Daily. Play ZM. Two and a half hours a day dream scrolling. Oh, no. It's what the average person does on the internets. That's looking for something that you would dream purchase. One day you'd like to own. I mean, this has got to be more than two and a half hours on big auto days.

Vintage cars. Vintage cars. Or just like where you want a holiday. Yeah, I suppose so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this just your algorithm? Yeah, basically. If your algorithm is not cats doing things or people

epic failing. You could be wanting a cat. Oh yeah, I suppose. That would come under us. I have been dream scrolling golden retrievers. Oh, yes. Okay. I don't want a dog.

I can't get a dog. We're not ready for a dog. I feel like you're not home enough to have a dog. Not home enough for a dog. I don't like, like I've never had a dog. I've never looked after a dog. I don't have the time to like put into having a dog.

But I want a kitty. Do you get two dogs and they just take care of each other? No, they don't. They don't have the time to put into having a dog. But I want a cutie. Do you get two dogs and they just take care of each other? No, they don't. They don't shower each other. You don't need to shower a dog. People are passionate about dogs. I know, but you've grown up with dogs. And you're used to the smell. I can smell a dog

a mile away. Oh, no, they stay outside. You don't let them inside. No, my dogs will be inside dogs. Oh, I would. Yeah, you've cursed yourself. Good luck. This might be hard for you to hear, but you've actually got stinky dogs. Oh, yeah, they're long-haired stinky dogs. Oh, I would have. You've cursed yourself. Good luck. This might be hard for you to hear, but you've actually got stinky dogs. Yeah. Oh, you've got long-haired stinky dogs.

Oh, no, I can smell them. That's why they're not allowed inside. Okay. That's why they have to live outside where smells belong. But I was like,

I reckon I want to be wearing an all-leather outfit that I think is going to cost around $5,000 driving a 1971 Mercedes convertible with my golden retriever in the back.

That's your dream scrolling. That's your dream scrolling right there. Yeah, with like a whole head of fake hair and a breast lift. That's my dream scrolling at the moment. After your Turkey holiday. After my little holiday to Istanbul. Where you get the, yeah.

Well, look, I've just come back looking good. I've got a new thing every week. Today's my, the 1968 Volvo Volp. Today's the 1968 Volvo Volp. The what? The Volvo Volp. It's a Volvo four-wheel drive. I just found out Henry the Man Cave Camper is the account of this Volvo Volp. Is it actually for sale?

No. But if I went lighter, I'd be like, hey, mechanic, make me one of those. Name your price. Yeah. You just import one and find one and buy one? Yeah. Okay. Have you got a dream scroll on the go, Fletch?

I don't know. Just like holiday places. Yeah, lots of long holiday destinations. Mine's like a fleet of Land Rovers, a farm that's also coastal. Oh, my God, that's my dream. To have a farm that runs down to the ocean. Like Moody Wye. Yeah.

It doesn't have to be. Right. It doesn't have to be. Right. It doesn't have to be. And then you can find treasure that's washed up one morning. You bet. Like someone sent me a photo yesterday of their farm in Hawke's Bay and it's like got hills on one part and then goes down to the sea. And I was like, that's my dream.

It just sounds too much hard work, to be honest. Imagine having your own little private beach. I don't want to. I don't want to be coastal. Oh. Oh, that's a bit of... I'll slip into the ocean. No, the house isn't right next to the coast.

You've got to go down there. Oh, so you're on a cliff. No. Well, that sounds terrible. The house isn't on a cliff. What have you learned? The house is in land. Have you not learned anything?

So how are we spending, what, two? Two and a half hours a day. That's a lot, eh? That's too much. Is this good for us? Dream scrolling. No. Half said that they've increased their time dream scrolling.

To escape this horrible reality that we live in. 65% of people optimistic they may one day be able to buy everything on their dream scrolling list. Well, get a lotto ticket. You're dreaming. You're dreaming. Or you need a bit of dream scroll. But it's a dream, that's the thing.

Like, you want to get this farm. It's going to be so much work. I want to get this 1970s convertible. That's going to be so much work. Anytime I've mentioned it to anyone who actually knows anything about cars, they're like, don't do that. That's a stupid thing to do. That's why it's a dream scroll.

You're not actually going to do it. Somebody said my dream scrolling is you go on Trade Me and you search for the highest priced cars that you want and you go, I'd buy that and you put it on your watch list. I do that with property. But you're never going to buy it. I go on one roof and I'll look at like houses and I'll like put put the budget right up.

And you're going to like your favourites. I've got a seven-bedroom house in Ipsum, Auckland, and you're like, yeah, let's have a look. What for? I would hate it. Yeah. But you know what, man? Let's have a little looky.

Yeah. Well, lotto's tonight, so good luck. Someone's going to make these dreams a reality. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six.

A school principal over a couple of years was withdrawing thousands of dollars at casinos and pubs on the primary school card. Oh, that's sad. Yikes. Schools can't afford that. Nope, nope. They cannot, they cannot. I was. The schools can't afford that. Nope. Nope. They cannot.

They cannot. I was obviously hoping you could make it back. Is your school, your kids' school, still doing the fundraiser quiz that we won last year? Yeah. Because we are reigning champions. We must go back and defend our title. September. It's in my calendar.

I think. Okay, fantastic. It might have changed. 20th or 21st. Yeah, it's that weekend, I think. Okay. We, we've got to go all out this year. Yep. Costume-wise, we have got to go all out.

I tell you what, us winning pissed some people off. They weren't happy we won. Oh, yeah, well, no, because you're out of town as your carpetbaggers. Cityfolk. Yeah, cityfolk. You rolled in. Yeah. We rolled in with our big knowledge, our big brains.

With your big chili bins full of booze. Yeah. These people don't even work a full day. They get home in time to watch the chase. I don't even think I donated a single dollar, but it was a great night. Great night. Good times.

And by all. Oh my God, you've got to give more money next time. Bringing your own booze is pretty wild to a quiz night because that's how you can make a lot of money anyway. Yeah. We digress. The top six today is the top six signs your principal is on the take. Goodness.

Okay. Number six on the list. They drive European, but the school bus is a Mazda Bongo. Oh. With curtains though, so that's nice.

Yeah. I love the curtains. Love the curtains. It's a good touch. Yeah, it's a nice touch. Especially on a hot day. Gives it a homely feel without driving European.

Do you reckon there's any public school principals driving European? Well, maybe. Like new European, not Volkswagen Golf. Yeah, maybe, but that doesn't mean they're on the take. Yeah, I don't know. It just means they could have some monies. Yeah, I'm just watching.

I'm just looking. Okay. I'm keeping my eye out. Number five on the list of the top six signs your principal's on the take. Their pool is bigger than the school pool. Yeah. Well, they've got a pool. That's a giveaway.

And you think they're stealing the chemicals? Oh, my God, yeah. It'd be easy if you had a massive school pool just to, you know, skim a little chlorine off the top. Yeah. Take a couple of scoops home at the end of the day. Yeah. Chlorine skimming, that's not good.

Take a little pH shaker. Yeah, need some other stuff. Must be little pH shaker. Yeah, it needs some. Must be nice. Must be. Must be nice. Number four on the list of the top six signs, your principals on the take. They give lotto tickets and scratchies

as prizes at assembly. I don't know, it just feels like you're on the take if you're giving kids lotto tickets. Well done, Timmy. Your behaviour has been exemplary. You collected five stickers, you get a scratchy ticket, and a couple of bonus lines

yeah, just feels like they're probably on the take, feels wrong I would love to be awarded scratchies kids love scratchies, kids are not allowed scratchies yeah I remember we'd get scratchies as kids you'd be like, yeah my grandad loved giving us scratchies.

And that's why we're all addicts now. Yeah, so I can't say no. What was the last time you... That's what we do off-air. We just do scratchies, don't we? I'm always like, Hayley, Hayley, and you're doing your crossword scratchies? When was the last time you bought a lottery ticket

without just rounding it up to the nearest $5 or $10 with scratchies? Love a scratchy. Number three on the list of the top six signs. Gamble responsibly, please. Gamble responsibly, of course. It only takes one ticket to win. Yeah. That's right.

Number three on the list of the top six signs. Your principal's on the take. They have more than five ties. Oh, okay. I don't believe a principal should have more than five ties. Monday through Friday, that's all you need. If you worked in an office job and had to wear a suit, how many, like, ties and suits do you reckon you'd have?

I'd just have two in rota. I'd have a blue and a black. Maybe you'd wear a shirt every day. Oh, it'd be horrible. I don't know how people do it. And a jacket and a tie. Ooh, ooh. Yeah, it's yuck.

So I'm so constrained. Why am I so constrained in this straight jacket? Prison. Yeah, with this noose around my neck. Locked in a prison. See the guy wearing that T-shirt. We don't have office jobs. Number two on the list of the top six signs your principal's on the take.

I don't even wear a bra most of the time. Do you know what I mean? And it would be outrageous for management to assume you should. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six signs, your principals on the take. They've imported a Tongan kid

for the first 15 that they coach and it's only a primary school. Yeah. Okay. That's big private school, high school energy there importing a couple of Tongans. You've got to win

the rugby tournament, don't you? Jesus, you see some of them. I was talking to somebody in hockey last night. They said, oh, we played a West Auckland boys high school team at the weekend. Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah. She's like, look at the size of this kid.

And she'd taken a photo of this kid on the other team. It was a fully grown man. Yeah. Have they checked he's not like 25? I don't know what checks and balances are in place, but there's some monsters out there. Yeah, those are the ones they use for the high school, no, the alcohol store stings. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, and then you're like, he's 16. You're like, what? They're getting a twofer. They're getting a second rower and someone to run booze stings on the local outlets. Yeah. That's a great twofer.

And number one on the list of the top six signs your principal's on the take. The staff room is plush. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Nice leather couches. They're keeping the teachers on side. Keep your mouth shut.

I'm on the take. One of those Coke fountain machines with all the different flavours. Oh, my God. They've got a frozen Coke machine. Yeah. They've got a frozen Coke machine. And a guy comes on so he can fill up the syrups. Yeah.

Yes. Good stuff. It's wild. It's a wild world. It's a wild, wild world. That is today's top six. I've always called myself a people pleaser, but I don't.

Here's a list. This is on the NZ Herald, my chosen news source, and it should be yours. She's a company gal. Here's a list of the top ten most common traits of people pleasers, and I don't relate to all of these. You're resentful because deep down you know you caners, and I don't relate to all of these. Okay. You're resentful because deep down you know you can be exploited.

I don't have that. You're suppressed because you cannot be your authentic self. You are indecisive. It's alien for you to take the lead. So people pleasers are aware that they are experiencing this, but they won't do anything about it. Yeah. You mimic other people's behaviour so you can fit in.

You say sorry a lot. You find confrontation scary and best to be avoided. The hairs were right. I'm not relating to any of this. Are you relating to any of this? I just sound like confrontation. You don't speak up

or have strong views. You allow others to take advantage of your easygoing approach. You find it hard to say no and get caught up doing things you don't want to do. Oh, there I am.

You put the needs and opinions of others before your own. There's a few there. I think more of people please ears like, I just want everyone to like me and have a good time and I'll make it my responsibility to make sure that that happens. Which is maybe slightly different.

But people who are people-pleasing, they run a very high risk of being completely burnt out. They run more likely to suffer long-term mental health issues like depression, anxiety, exhaustion, poor sleep and burnout. And then physical issues like heart issues, high blood pressure and then cancer. Because you're basically like you're absorbing everything from everyone else. Their stress. You're like, oh, I just want to make you happy.

I just want to make you pleased. And, you know, we always talk about that. Be like, it's cancerous, absorbing all this negative energy. And it actually is. It's terrible. People just like not looking after themselves, too busy worrying about what other people think, being kind, generous, thoughtful. And you're like, these are all good things.

But a lot of the time you put it above anything else, above your own health and wellbeing. So you've got to be careful. You've got to put yourself first. I know. This is like the amount of people pleasers that have undiagnosed ADHD. Now we know that that's everywhere. That's everywhere at the moment. Have a heart attack.

That's everywhere at the moment. Bloody hell, that is everywhere at the moment. More than COVID. Like it's pollen or something. It's more like COVID hell, that is everywhere. Tell me why. Like what? More than COVID. You say like it's pollen or something. It's more like COVID. Yeah, yeah. It's in the air.

Sniff it in. They should do that. The UV count, the pollen count, and the ADHD count for the day. ADHD in the water at the moment. Yeah. Also more like people pleasers are more likely to slip into addiction, like medication, to support stifled feelings. Because they're like, well, I don't want to say

that I'm feeling upset at the moment because I'd hate to make that a negative environment. So I'll just pop a happy pill and we'll just move on. Addictions like alcohol and food. So what are you meant to do then if you're a people pleaser? I'm not a psychologist, am I? No, you're not. What I'm doing is I'm posing the problem.

Yep. And I'm leaving it in the air. Oh, right. Okay, so you're not right telling us how to fix that. Yeah. This is a very lengthy article. And at the end, not a huge amount of advice. How to break free from being a people pleaser.

I hate to say it it's a lot of the stuff that I really hate like, prioritise yourself and meditate I can't sit still and be quiet for that last you get bored I know oh, I went to this

I did MC this event with some motivational speakers and this guy lived an incredible life like he did he'd been doubted dealt a horrendous hand, and he's just turned his whole entire life around. And I said to him, like, what's the one thing that you would tell people to do? And then he went, mmm.

And I said, don't say meditate. And he's like, well, I've got nothing to say to you. Really? That was the one thing? I have nothing to say. Meditate. I was like, oh. So I just get to, I don't have the attention span to do it.

But it looks different for everybody, right? Yeah, meditation isn't always just like, hmm. Meditation for some may be just like coffee or an empty stomach. Do you know what I mean? And just like not sleeping. I don't know if that's meditation. Like going out, going out. I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted.

But yes, I'll go to that party. Do you know what I mean? More work, more work. Just keep piling it on. Yeah, work and socialising. That's my meditation. Yeah. I don't know if it is.

When it's working, it's working just fine. Is it? Why, are you a psychologist? No, you're not. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, this is from a podcast called Uncoupling Podcast.

Her name is Becca Moore and she had a theory that she thought of many moons ago. And she says it's, she calls it the frozen pizza theory. And you've got to look out, she says, for men that treat you like a frozen pizza.

Or it could be anyone. It could be any gender. Right. So just watch out if you go around to a man's house and he tries to fit you in his microwave or the oven. Tries to thumb you into the microwave. Oh my God.

If you go around and he is microwaving a frozen pizza, I mean, frozen pizzas are the worst. No, I would microwave those mini ones after school. Oh my God, the Leaning Tower. Leaning Tower. As a baby man. Yes. But now you would oven cook.

And if it was one of those little wee ones, I reckon it would pop off in an air fryer. Oh, yes it would. Still don't have my air fryer. Oh, yes, it would. Still don't have my air fryer. Yeah. You don't need it. You do not need it. I'm going to do it.

As a woman who has an air fryer and uses it once a year. Yeah. All right. Sounds like you want to give me your air fryer. Can we use it when we have drinks at yours on Friday? What do you want to put in it? I don't know. Tots.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Tots. Tots. T know. Tots. Yes. Oh, yeah. Tots. Tots. Tots. Tots. Tots. Tots.

Yeah, let's do tots. Little tater tots. Yeah. Let's do tots. Okay. Okay. I'll get some tots. And some aioli.

Get some good quality aioli. Dipping. Groceries. Groceries. Dipping aioli. Yeah. I do think you should bring one of those trash garlic breads that you always bring. Olive oil, coffee beans.

You could put that in there. Could we mum a few rallies in the... It'll go too crispy. Oh yeah, I don't like a crispy mumma. Mumma Fioralli's has to be soft. It's got to be soft. Let that margarine really seep in, you know. If it's anything other than just warmer.

Why? It's too far gone. Hang on, so what am I getting? I'm just running groceries. Tots, Mumma Fior? It's too far gone. Hang on. So what am I getting? I'm just running groceries. Tots, Mama Fiorelli's, aioli. No, he's bringing Mama Fiorelli's. I'm not coming by the way.

Fletch has to bring Mama Fiorelli's. I don't like your tone. Stop bagging Mama Fiorelli's. You know, it's the garlic bread of New Zealand. Now, what I'm seeing here is beige, brown, beige, brown, beige, brown. Put cheese balls because that's orange. Yep. Just get some colour into this meal.

Now the frozen pizza theory, back to where I was. Frozen pizza theory is never let a partner or whoever treat you like a frozen pizza, which is that if they treat you like a frozen pizza, they only reach for you when they're feeling lazy and they can't be bothered actually putting in any effort. And they know that you're in the freezer and they'll pull you out of the freezer and they'll give you a quick defrost

and it's like, it's kind of fine. Even though... And you've only got three like pepperoni bits on you. Even though you definitely, it definitely said on the box, pepperoni pizza. And the photo on the box, it's covered in pepperoni. Shrouded in it. And you're like, why are they in a box?

And it's in there so that you can't see how many pepperonis you've been ripped off until you're already home. Worse, it's in a bag in a box. Yeah. You know, because they really don't want you seeing it. And they can't have one of those pepperonis falling off inside the box. Because now we're down to two pepperonis. Exactly. So they only get you out of the freezer when they're lazy and they can't be bothered putting in any effort.

Because if they could be bothered putting in effort, they'd make a pizza from scratch or they'd order from a really nice place and they'd pay a bit of money for it. But if you're the frozen pizza, you're just the one that's easy, on ice, jam in the oven. Ready in 20. Yeah, won't give it much value, won't give it much time, just a quick munch and then you're gone, basically.

That's the theory. That's a good analogy though, isn't it? It is a good analogy that you're a frozen pizza. I don't know if I've been anyone's frozen pizza and I don't know if I've had a frozen pizza in my life. Yes, I have. But we were friends and it was okay. We agreed to be frozen pizzas.

I was just thinking you were saying you've never had frozen pizza. I've had plenty of frozen pizza in the dating using this analogy but if you agree to be someone's frozen pizza we were each other's frozen pizza yeah yeah just like what time is it

this night's not going anywhere give my mate a text sup to in the mood for some frozen pizza always add a bit more cheese oh no sauce

always add everything always just add basically tread it like a pizza base yeah a glorified pizza base sprinkle more stuff on and then bake it

and then it's gonna be so bone dry you gotta cover it in sauce mayonnaise barbecue whatever anything

there you go silly little poll is next Is it okay Shut up Is it okay to use emojis in work emails Thumbs up Fletch, Fart and Hayley

Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole It is so silly, silly, silly That the silly little pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole It is so silly, silly, silly that silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. What a silly workplace. Silly little pole. Is it okay to use emojis in work messages?

I mean, it depends. I don't ever send anything serious enough. And if I do need to do anything, I'm just using ChatGPT now, baby. I bet you write a couple of formal things, a couple of formal emails, a formal letter within the last couple of months. And I just ChatGPT'd it.

Yeah. Hard. Yeah. I do like with the work email, like, you know, Microsoft, what do they call this? Mailie Outlook 365, whatever it's called. Yeah, that. Yeah. I do like with the work email, like, you know, Microsoft, what do they call this? Mailie Outlook 365, whatever it's called. Yeah, that's it.

You can heart people's messages so you don't have to reply to them. Big fan of that. Really? Can you heart them? Big fan of that. You can heart it. What about a thumbs up? Yeah, I think you can thumbs up.

You can choose. Rude. Yeah. Rude. Why is it rude, though? It's rude, man. It's annoying just to get an email back saying, okay. Rude.

I'm just going to thumbs up everybody's emails from here on out, I think. 74% of people said it is okay to use emojis in work messages. 26% of people said not acceptable. Do you think it's more acceptable when it's the people you work with or like if it was outside, like you were dealing with? Yeah, like if it's internal and sending a little smiley face at the end rather than sending to a client. Yeah.

Hey, guys, really happy with this, da-da-da-da-da. Smiley face is a bit weird. It's a bit weird. Goodness. Mate, someone's used a very flash word here. Okay, do you need help? No, I've Googled it already while you guys were talking. Charlie says, very much depends on the context.

If it's a jokey exchange, then I use a laughing face emoji. But if it's a serious convocation, they shouldn't be used. A convocation? Oh, my God, you guys don't know what convocation means. A large formal... Oh, what does it mean, Hayley? Now, tell us right now. It means convocation.

Please, it's embarrassing you don't even know. A large formal assembly of people is how I would put it. Right. To the action of calling people together for a large formal assembly. In my words, that's what I would say. Yeah. She might have also just meant conversation and it changed to convocation. It made her seem smarter.

And it made Charlie seem like a real clever cookie. Allie says, got to make the workday more interesting in any way you can. Plus, better for office flirting. Ali. Oh. Ali. Who's she flirting with in the office? Ali.

Ali. Mary says, work as an advisor and my emails seem less grumpy with a friendly emoji. Don't minimise yourself. But it can be taken as passive aggressive too sometimes. Yes. You know, like if someone had... There was an issue

and you put a smiley face, it could be like, ooh. Or a little people-pleasing. Yeah. You know, like being like, hey guys, just noticing, you know, I hate to actually say how I feel.

His smiley face, lol. You're like, no, no, just say it. Absolutely not not says Katie okay very sad she doesn't want to think Kuma says yes but know your crowd

yeah good great advice there for a lot of aspects of life there Kuma yeah Catherine I work with youth slash teenagers

in a mental health space we get way more engagement with our young people if we use emojis and it's their language also love a good emoji in a serious email breaks the ice yeah We get way more engagement with our young people if we use emojis. It's their language. Also, love a good emoji in a serious email. Breaks the ice.

Yeah, softens the blow. What emoji would you use to break the ice in a serious email? Pickaxe. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, in a mountain. Just breaking the ice. Breaking the ice. Oh, yeah.

Pickaxe in a mountain. Says it all, doesn't it? Polly says, my boss literally sends emails to customers saying, lol, so I think we're okay to put a little smiley in here and there. Yeah. Mason, no, we are professionals, goddammit. What are we, small, cold children wearing singlets with rocks in our head? Yeah, good, yeah.

We are professionals. So there you go. I don't know, whatever. Do whatever you want. It's a silly little poll. It's So there you go. I don't know. Whatever. Do whatever you want. It's a silly little poll. It's not a bloody referendum. I don't care. Wow.

To be honest, I've had a guts full of talking about it. Next. Play ZM's Fletch Von Anele. Play ZM. American PhD student Reddit user Cregret6086 asks What are you keeping in an old tip-top

ice cream container? Like right now in your house or garage or whatever I've seen these tubs everywhere in New Zealand Used to hold all sorts of things

I'm an American PhD student at Vic writing about the US-New Zealand Cultural Exchange Thanks in advance Now this pops off This is like

This would be quite baffling wouldn't it? You'd be like, why does everyone have these? Because we do, right? You have to. Is the two litres of ice cream a universal standard? Because you only, in America they get the tubs, like the smaller cardboard tubs, cylindrical tubs.

Because I feel that's the way ice cream's going here, right? They're tubbing everything. Yeah, yeah.. Tub, cylindrical tub. Because I feel that's the way ice cream's going here, right? They're tub and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Kiwi classic. Put in less, charge more. Ours used to always be like jelly. Jelly. Jelly in the ice cream container?

Yeah, yeah, after you use the ice cream. Oh, no, leftover trifle when you're heading home from Nan's after Christmas. Nan's like, I don't want all this here. Do you know what else they were good for in pantries? For like putting your soup mixes or your spices. Oh, yeah, I don't want all this here. Do you know what else they were good for in pantries for like putting your soup mixes or your spices? Sort of a sorting device.

Do you have anything from leftovers to a placenta? Baking. Baking is a great one. Cookies. Put the cookies in there. Cookies are like

a little, you know, cheap systema really, aren't they? What were some of the, because Reddit popped off over this. I'm using my ice cream containers

to hold a bigger stack of ice cream containers. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You just end up with, I'm pretty sure in mum's pantry there's like a tower of them. Yeah, yeah. Because you do, you just end up saving them. Yeah. Well, they're very handy.

The Lidzel Warp. Frozen soup. I use it as a scraps bin before I take my scraps out to the chickens. Biscuits. Sterilised breast pump equipment, two frozen placentas. They've got their own ice cream containers. Okay.

Beeswax from our beehives. We haven't kept bees for five years. It'll probably still be in that ice cream container when my relatives clean it at my house after my funeral. Yeah. Screws, golf balls, pens, paints, frozen soup. Yes. Yes, art supplies. Yes. Art supplies.

Yes. Pegs. Oh, yes. Although when they fill up with water. You've got to put holes in the bottom. You've got to put holes in the bottom. Someone messaged in, vomiting. Yes.

Yeah, vomiting to the old tip top. Vomit. You're going to throw up into it. Yeah. Okay. This is the kiwiest owner there could be. I'd be very interested as I had not known this. Someone said, I use them for plants I'm growing.

So put some dirt in. Yeah, like seedlings. The tip-top ones are great, but other brands like Moors have this shitty clear plastic that gets brittle and falls apart in only a few months. You could have the blue. Somebody else said tip-top, it'll last longer, but Moors just for random stuff in the shed that never sees sun.

Oh, really? Never sees sun. Huh. really? Never sees sun. Huh. I didn't know this. Because, you know, I'm a much more man because there'll be four flavors in one tub. That's something for everybody. Okay, well, we wanted to extend on this and ask you the question, what are you keeping in your old ice cream container?

Apparently a hell of a place to keep drugs, according to some of these other posters. Okay, right. Someone said, I've got a couple of ounces of some pretty good sticky, according to some of these other posters. Okay, right. Someone said, I've got a couple of ounces of some pretty good sticky icky. Sticky icky icky. In my ice cream container. So many placentas on the text machine. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to know, if you do have a placenta in the ice cream container, did you leave the label on the top or did you take it off? Did you, in vivid, did you just like... You'd write placenta over it, but is it a hokey pokey?

Is it a goody goody gumdrops? Is it a cherry ripple placenta? Yeah, yeah. Cherry ripple a little on the nose. Yeah, yeah. It's a little bit. Also, what are you going to do with that? Why don't you plant it?

Why do people keep... Because if everyone waits to plant them, they're like, oh, I've got to wait. Why though? Or maybe you're not in the right house to plant your placenta tree or something. Some people eat them. Don't want to be flatting

and then you've got to move flats and then you've got to dig up Emma's placenta. Yeah, exactly. In a new flat. Yeah. In a new flat. Sorry. 0800 dials at Emma's number. Give us a call now. You can text her as well. 9696.

What are you storing in your ice cream container? Oh God. But do you remember what you're keeping in an old ice cream container? Oh, God. But do you remember what you're keeping in an old ice cream container? It's the Kiwi's thing ever. In an old two-litre ice cream container. It's so Kiwi that an American studying here has asked people on Reddit. What are you keeping in these things?

This very question, because they've just noticed these ice cream containers everywhere they go. In freezers and pantries countrywide. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My Nana died when I was a young child. Oh, shut up. She was cremated and we received her ashes in an unlabeled ice cream container. I thought for a moment it was going to be hokey pokey or something.

You know Nans love a hokey pokey. They're like, what do you want this in? Do you want it in an urn or a box? And the family would have been like, money's tight. We've got a couple of old ice cream containers. We've got a plastic container. Here cream containers. We've got a plastic container. Here you go. It does the job.

I always remember thinking it was a little bit off as Nana was someone who took great pride in her appearance. She definitely deserves something more grand. She stayed tucked away

in an ice cream container until my papa passed away many years after. Well, it sprinkled him in there as well. It was a two litre. It sounds like papa took on the ice cream container,

doesn't it? Yeah. My dad has my Nana's ashes in an ice cream container. Ashes on the list. It's Grandparent Ripple, doesn't it? Yeah. My dad has my nana's ashes in an ice cream container. Ashes on the list. It's Grandparent Ripple, isn't it? Yeah. It's terrible.

Hokey, pokey. Grandparent Ripple. Yeah. Maple and nana. Nana and raisin. Jess, what are you keeping in an old ice cream container? I'm one of the placenta people. Are you?

Is it your daughter's or your of the placenta people. Are you? Is it your daughter or your child's placenta? Yes. My accident, my unplanned home birth, right? You know, I tend to, I'm going to say that, I tend to associate the piece with her purpose. So I'm not going to eat it. I'm not going to plant it. I don't know.

What are you doing with it? It's been in my freedom for three years. I don't know whether to put it in the green not going to plant it. I don't know. What do you do with it? I don't know whether to put it in the green bin or the red bin. The green bin or the red bin? It's a red bin because it's human waste. It's not recycling. I was thinking I'm leaning that way. Would you compost it?

My kids keep trying to eat it too. Oh mum, you've got jelly tip. No, no, no. Jelly tip. Oh, no. That's a sugar-free jelly tip, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sugar-free.

Good for you, but no. Yeah, I would just put it in the... Why don't you bury it in the garden? Because I've got a dog. He's going to dig it up. Oh, the dog. Yeah, red bin. It is...

Thanks, Jess. I'd put it in the bin on bin day too. Yeah. Oh, yeah, because you don't want it smelling after. You don't want it to smell. What is that smell? Yeah, it starts defrosting if you put it in the bin. It's a serious placenta, Jess. I'd put it in the bin on bin day too. Yeah, oh yeah, because you don't want it smelling after. What is that smell? Yeah, it starts defrosting if you put it in a few days. Sarah's placenta, yeah. It's insane how many people are messaging in placentas.

I have my granddaughter's placenta. This will get you. I have my granddaughter's placenta in our fridge freezer, fully labelled. So it's still got the ice cream label on it. But I just will say that my youngest has special needs and did open it and saw ice on the top and started picking away, on it. But I just will say that my youngest has special needs and did open it and saw ice on the top and started picking away, eating it. I had to very quickly grab the cup.

Thank God they didn't chuck it in the microwave for 30 seconds. I mean, you can eat it, but like, you know when ice cream's too hot and you put it in the microwave a little bit to get it softened up a little bit? Yuck. That's upset. I'm upset. I was craving ice cream, managed to find a tub in the freezer, only to open it to be heartbroken.

Frozen soup. Now, we have just heard from... Oh, it's so much soup. We have just heard from our friend, Councillor Richard Hills... Yes. ...on Auckland City Council. He won't be happy about the procedure in the bin. He's saying definitely a general waste bin

or planted under a lovely fruit tree. Oh, yeah, good for your lemons and your limes. Yeah, that's not recycling. Where do you put your batteries, your old batteries? I take them into my tent. I plant them under my lemon tree. No. Well, I'm confused.

Are we planting them? Oh, my God. Yeah, that's why your lemons are electric. It's so good. I make a hell of a lemonade. Someone said back in the islands we used it as a lunchbox. Hey, not just in the islands, my dude.

If I went through a lunchbox and my mum would give me it was one lunchbox every two years at school. I think I'd use that as a lunchbox sometimes. Have you brought your lunchbox? Yeah.

You were on an ice cream container, my king. A hundred percent. Great lunchbox too. It was big, it was deep, it was square. You could stack stuff up in there. You could get enough Sammies in there. Sammies, Bickies. Apple.

Yeah. Right now I'm using one to transport my there. Sammies, Bickies, Apple. Right now I'm using one to transport my son's fortune cookies to school. Oh, cute. Somebody said there's three in our house. Two have got percentage and one's got an ounce. Okay. A lot of people are buying their drugs by an ounce and popping them in an ice cream container. I feel like if I had drugs in my house, which I don't,

I would like a nice container. You'd have a which I don't, I would like a nice container. You'd have a nice mahogany. Do you know what I mean? I'd have a nice sort of wood or teak. Yeah. You'd be a styley drug user. I would be a styley drug user. You'd have a high-end grinder.

Oh, I'd have all the trinkets and gadgets. My mum used them for colostrum milk. Apparently she was a big producer. Oh, really? So she'd milk herself and then freeze the extra cholesterol. Dump it in there. Yeah. Straight into the container, you'd get some splash bag.

Or would you go into a... Oh, you'd milk yourself with the milking machine and then pour it into the thing. Right, I wondered. You don't know if you want to be like raw dogging into the... Nah, you'd get a lot of spray bag. You would get bounce back. Random cords and charges that I'll never find a purpose for that I'm too scared to throw out. And five-year-old pack of rolling papers for that one friend

who very rarely visits but always asks, do you have any papers? Okay. Ashes in the ice cream container has to be goody-goody grand dropped. Yes! Oh, my God. We've given our caller of the week. That should be a text of the week. That's text of the week. That's've given our caller of the week. That should be a text of the week.

That's text of the week. That's got to be text of the week. That's got to get a prize for something. That's clever. That's brilliant. Huge standing ovation! It's very good. Somebody said,

old bananas that I plan to turn into a banana bread one day. So you peel them and then you chuck them in there and then you freeze them for 20 years. Do you know some people don't peel their frozen bananas? No, you have to. You'll never peel it. You'll never get that off. You're an absolute dum-dum idiot.

All the outside hose bits. Well, Cowan's just saying we don't have any prizes. They can have kudos. What kind of hippie BS is that? Could we send them a certificate? Could we send them a two-litre tub of ice cream? Shannon, have you got time to whip up a certificate? Yep, great.

Text of the week for your amazing contribution. She's literally spent all morning doing a Garfield colouring in book. Maybe you could turn your Garfield colouring in into the certificate. I love that idea. You just put under that text of the week. Yeah, text of the week. And it's a picture of baby Garfield. I think that's good.

She's gone over the lines twice, but that's okay. She's from East Auckland. She's not the best colourer in her. No. And it's a picture of baby Garfield. Yeah, I think that's good. She's gone over the lines twice, but that's okay. She's from East Auckland. She's not the best colourer in the room. It's alright. She's good at other things. That's all. That's all. Is it? That's all she wrote. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Okay, so when American was obsessed with what we were keeping in our

ice cream containers, we discovered that a lot of people are keeping ashes in the ice cream containers and then it turned into a funny pun based game where you were contributing ice cream flavours associated with death. We've got great listeners, man. Cookies and cremated would probably have to

be my favourite. Goody Goody Grand Drops is, in fact, that's the best. Then Cookies and Cremated and then Hokey Croaky. Nanapolitan's got me. Nan's the best. Then cookies and cremated and then hokey crokey. Nanapolitan's got me. Nanapolitan is good. It's just got me absolutely split.

Jelly Rip. Instead of Jelly Tip. Instead of Jelly Tip. What was the one that you were doing? So Boys and Berry Ripple, we were like, there's something in that. You were trying to workshop it. Someone came in and just knocked it. A home run. Boys been buried.

Rip y'all. Yeah, okay, good. Good stuff. Orange chocolate rip. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's good. That's pretty good. Nanila ice cream.

No, it's not. Unless your Nana was French and then French nanila. Beautiful. French nanila. French nanila is really good. Beautiful. Especially if you had one nan that wasn't French

and one nan that was French. And you called it French nan. Yeah. I mean, just go for a different name. Yeah, entirely. And let's maybe just make a decision to put your dead grandparents into a nicer container. Yes, maybe a bit of wood.

Even a sustainer. Nanopolitan. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. I'm happy with it. Thank you for your text messages. Guys, I've got a small PSA. And you know me, I love my fashion.

And I said to Aaron yesterday, I just want to get some nice slacks. I just want to get a nice pair of comfortable slacks for the winter. I'm not wearing jeans. Wait a minute, I've got a latecomer. Oh, yes, please. Yes, please. Pop a mint swirl. That's good.

Please keep us updated if any more come in, Ward. I'm loving this. I will. Popper Mint Swirl. That's really good. From left field. Popper's involved. Yeah, good stuff.

That makes me happy. I had a popper. Yeah, my popper was popper. He would never have eaten Peppermint Swirl, though. It would have been too spicy. Oh, that's so good. spicy What is this Italian food? Old people The rum and raisin

There's got to be something in rum and raisin Someone said gum and raisin That's not there yet What about croaky road? What do you mean? Rocky road No no I want to put your ashes In an ice cream can now Oh, Rocky Road. Like Rocky Road? No, no, no. Shake your face. Shake your mouth. Shake your mouth. Stupid face. What are you, a school child?

I want to put your ashes in an ice cream can now. I'm just, honestly, I can't think of anything else now but puns. Yeah. This can go for the next hour. No, just my little PSA that I, and I know I'm late to the party because the girls are like, yeah, B, where have you been? Kmart. Kmart's got the fash.

And like And like real good fashion. I went in, I was like, I just want to buy a nice comfortable pair of slacks so I hit the mail yesterday. But you, I thought you got your, you mean track pants? No, no, no, like a nice pair of pants. I bought these pants. Lovely. Yeah, thank you. Aren't they like the other ones

that you had? Yeah, I know, but slightly more room, bigger size and just slightly more elevated, I'd say, than the ones that we made go viral. Yeah. And then I was like, I'm going to pop into Kmart

because I saw one thing online, like a jumper or something, and I went in there and I was like, Kmart's popping off. Kmart's got all this amazing fashion and they're actually like

super, like really cool stuff and it's cheap. This is great for you because you buy these things and wear them like three times. I know, exactly. And you know, Mae, I love supporting my New Zealand designers, but my bank account doesn't love supporting New Zealand designers. I think I've supported them hard enough.

My bank account, it's time to dip into a little bit of Kmart. Guys, I've got more ice cream flavors. That's all I wanted to say. Someone has filled the brief of rum and raisin. Oh, my God. Fantastic. Mama ain't raisin. Mama ain't raisin.

Nailed it. Nailed it. 10 out of 10. No notes. Perfection. Good. Good from them. Here we go.

We're working a little bit of our beautiful bicultural. Are we a bicultural country? Strawberry. Coromel swirl. Oh, coro. Oh, yes. Coromel. Corel swirl. Oh, coro. Oh, yes. Coromel smell. Coromel.

Oh, coro's in there. Bean anise splittin'. I like that. That's good. Good. Mermaid raisin. Mermaid raisin. Strawberry ice cream.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that is good. That is good. That is good stuff. You've done well this morning, listener. Oh, dear listeners, you have delivered. You you have delivered. Oh, Deathalicious is good for the dessertalicious. Yeah. It's alright. Very brand specific, though.

Yeah, it is. Very brand specific. Mermaid raisin. There's an amazing illustrator. Look at her stuff. It's so cool. She's made like a zine. She's made a zine. Look at her stuff. It's so cool. She's made like a zine. She made a zine. We're going to be making more zines. Not for me.

Why is it not for you? You don't like the illustrations? It's not my preferred. You like the more sort of big superhero stuff. Yeah. I can appreciate it, but it's not my like, it's not your cup of tea. I'm into it. It's like watercolors. How do you describe that?

It's like pen lines and watercolours. I really like it. It's cute. Hey, it takes all sorts, you know? I'm not here to yuck your yum when it comes to art. Absolutely. Or kinks. Well, you did yuck one of my kinks, but I mean, to be fair, it's pretty gross.

It's pretty gross. Now, this whole zine, this particular one that she's made, is all about the things you do when no one is watching, when you're at home. Right. Like, what is the thing where you're like, your partner's out of the house or your flatmates are out of the house

and no one's watching and you do it? Now, we're not talking about... Not talking about anything naughty. None of that. None of that. None of that. But this is why it's gone viral, because people are sharing, like sharing the weird things they do.

Yeah, like mine is definitely this. If I'm at home by myself, I'll never eat anything sitting down. So I'll make a meal, and then I'll just lean over the kitchen sink or on the kitchen bench, and then she's... Oh, I hate it. No, sit down. I hate to sit down. Even if it's at...

Sometimes if I'm home alone, I'll eat at the couch. But most of the time, I will just still pull up a chair at the table and just eat at the table by myself. I can't do a big meal on the couch. How people eat like that, I don't understand. A couple of wraps. This is me. And there's a picture of a chick doing it, eating a cake,

and she's just leaning on the kitchen bench. That's what I do. Yeah, if it's like a cake, you eat it over the sink. You don't want to clean up. No, yeah. But I'll do that if people are home. The other one I do is sit on the toilet with my pants down and Rolly will come in and I'll just pop him in my lap.

What? What? And then we'll just hang out on the loo for a bit. I'll pat the cat because sometimes I'll be on the toilet and the cat will just wander. Come in. Anti-animals and the ablutions. No.

I don't want animals when I'm doing my ablutions. That's a new little pastime. I've got open door policy at my house. ablutions. No. I don't want animals when I'm doing my ablutions. That's a new little pastime. I've got an open door policy at my house. Right. Yep. Unless people are around. Yeah. Then I'll shut the door.

So this is the thing that I want to know from our beautiful listeners this morning. Okay. What is the thing that you do when you're at home and no one's watching? Maybe it's something like a bit gross. Maybe it's something just a bit random. I won't be in any hurry to get changed. Like I'll walk around sort of nude in my house. This is my life all the time.

Like I live by myself. I know, but not all of us are as lucky to live alone. As lucky. Okay? Some of us make choices. But I notice the other way around when friends end up staying and I'm like, oh, now I have to wear clothes or now I've got to shut the door.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, most people live with other people. I'd say the vast majority of them do. So when someone's away, what do you do? We said no naughty things, top text. I think we should accept, send in your naughty things and we'll decide whether or not it can be aired.

Up to R16? No. Okay. Full R18. We'll decide. We'll run a filter over it. You send in your absolutely uncensored, unfiltered, what you do at home alliance. We'll do the filtering.

We'll do the filtering. But whether it's putting the cat on your lap on the toilet. Maybe it's an animal thing, a food thing, a nude thing or a rude thing. What is the thing you do? Oh, Dr. Seuss is in the house. Yeah. Or just something that you know if your partner's home, they're like, don't do that.

Don't do that. And then they're not home your lap. I feel like, do you think people would be absolute, like, gluttons when no one's home? Because they're like, I'm just going to get all the snacks. Thank you very much, 346, for your uncensored text. It's a great example of the perfect thing to do home alone but probably won't be read on the radio.

But we thank you. We do. 0800-DARLS-AT-EMERZO-NUMBER. Call us now. You can text through 9696. This person doesn't wash their hands when people aren't around. This is what we want to hear. Keep them coming in.

What do you do when no one's home and no one's watching? We want to know what you do when you're at home, no one's home and no one's watching. And it doesn't have to be you know, like all of us, we're like, oh, eat a big bag of chips, you know, straight from the bag. But sometimes you just

get a bit weird on it. Like we've got a lot of weird messages. I know, but I love this. I know. Let's start with Anonymous who has called in. Anonymous, what do you do when you're home alone and no one's there? I practice different accents

around the house. Trying to protect them. Like out loud where if other people were home they would think you were crazy. Yeah, yeah. So it's a time where no one knows I'm talking to myself. And yeah, I can try out all my different accents. Who do you live with normally?

Who's there? Who's home? I've got a bunch of flatmates that I've been friends with for years. All right. What's your go-to accents? Yeah, let's have some accents. Yeah, not. It's definitely a private thing.

What are you practising for then? You said you want to perfect them. Yeah, just to know that I'm good at them. Yeah, I know. I sort of get this. I was going to say because Hayley, this would feel like something an actor would do. 100%. I'm often Australian at home and I can't explain why.

And there it is and it'll just stay for the rest of the day. What accents are you doing? Well, I've got British pretty nailed, so I'm trying to do American. Yeah, great. Are you doing American California, New York? Yeah, we're going regional. How deep we going?

Oh God, it's definitely Valley Girl. Oh yeah. Do you ever dabble in the non-white accents? No, not yet. There was a pause there. She's like, I should tell them about my killer Singaporean. My Vietnamese pops.

Have you ever been at home and someone's been at home and you haven't noticed? No, I'll like, I'll check. Oh, wait, so you do a room check. You're like, everyone is out. But she does it in an accent. She's like, is anybody home? I'm like, hello?

Hello? Is anybody home? I must say, if anybody's home, they must raise their voice. Can I get a hello? Anonymous. Love that. Thank you for sharing some messages there. That a hello? Anonymous. Love that. Thank you for sharing some messages. That's really sweet.

I really like that. Always play with yourself first. That's what somebody said. Then a long shower and then karaoke for an hour in a towel dancing around. Oh, yeah. How good is your own company? If I'm at home, I sit on my husband's side of the couch and snack on the crunchy snacks while wearing wigs. I have lots of wigs.

Wearing wigs? Yeah. Imagine someone coming in and you're just there with a bag of chips and a wig like, oh, hi. Hello there. And doing an accent. What brings you into my home? In my lovely town, I'll sing you a song.

I love this. My wife's paranoid that she's going to get murdered in her sleep. So the house every night gets locked up. Bedroom door gets locked. Dog door gets locked. Which means when the dogs want to go out, we have to get up and let the dog out. So when I'm home alone, I just leave all the doors unlocked. Oh, yeah.

All of them. Someone said, I eat at least three bowls of Coco Pops. Terrible hypocrites. I tell my children they must eat a healthy breakfast, but when they're not there, yum yum yum. Scratch and sniff? Yep. That's just one little scratch and sniff.

Bear in mind I'm hardly ever home alone. I'm a working mummer but I bloody love a cigarette when I'm home alone. What? Go out the back and just mum, puff a dart. Oh mum, listen to this text. I never liked my stepdad, so I put lipstick on his work shirts or spray some $2 shop perfume on them when I'm home by myself

so my mum can get rid of them. He's such a dick. Oh, my God. There's a bit of post-tense there. It sounds like it worked. Yeah. Someone said, I'll turn the lights off and blast music and have a little lone rave.

And there's one song that particularly absolutely gets me going. I've actually got the song here. Oh, okay, Vaughn. Yes, absolutely. Okay. We can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

And when this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other Yeah, this is a thing. Yeah, and you get the hairbrush or something as a microphone. It's a classic. Look, that's the one's messaging saying, I poo in the en-suite.

My wife's away, I'll just poo in the en-suite. Oh, because some partners have the no pooing in the en-suite rule because it leads on to the bedroom. Yeah, well, you've got to poo in the lobby if you're sharing a hotel room with a friend. In the toilet in the lobby, you must, because you would really embarrass me and the heritage. I thought you would understand what I meant when I said use the lobby. I was like, you weird kink dude, mate.

We're friends. I'll do it for you. And that's why you've got a two-year ban from the heritage. Yeah. I'm looking forward to my return. I have seen the flowers and many apologies. Oh, my God. When no one's home, I dress up as Michael Jackson and dance in the living room.

I mean, look, I'll have a little MJ listen every now and then. Wait. Wait. Have we given birth to speak together? Stay this love forever. Now he's going to stop us. You haven't known the words. I don't know the words.

Now he's going to stop us. You don't even know the words. I don't know the words. Now it's going to stop us. And if this world is all in blunders, we still have each other. Okay, okay. Great song. That's got Friday Flashback written. Oh. Over it.

Does it? Does it? Yeah. Oh, my God. Somebody says I pretend I'm on a cooking show when I'm home? Yeah. Oh my God. Somebody says I pretend I'm on a cooking show when I'm home alone. Oh my God.

Welcome. And what have you got going on here? So I'm just mixing the eggs in with the butter first. I'm going to whip that together and I'll pop that in the fridge. Imagine.

Oh my God. Imagine just walking in and seeing someone pretending to be on a cooking show. Yeah, and like being around the corner and be like,

what are they doing? Key change. Solo. Go on, key change. They a cooking show. Yeah, and being around the corner and be like, what are they doing? Key change. Solo. Go on, key change. They made it higher. Yeah. Up they go. Oh, my God.

Someone said, man, I can't believe all this cool stuff people are doing at home alone. I just enjoy the silence and have a nap. That's okay. We're getting inspired. We were talking about this the other day, just enjoying the silence at home. Oh, my God, I know when you're just like,

this is crazy. I put a full length of linked sausages between my ass cheeks and run around the house and the dog will chase me. Cheers, Dan. No, they don't. No, they don't, Dan. I like it. I sit on the couch with cowboy hat and cowboy boots on and watch Yellowstone all alone. That's good stuff.

I'm imagining their wife isn't keen on the hat and the boots in the lounge. And I'm imagining undies is the only other thing they've got on. I hope so. Drink straight from the bottle. Of course. I'm not making any extra dishes if nobody else is home. The S Pro. Lots of mentions of the S Pro.

The S Pro. Oh, yeah. Shout out. Shout out to the S Pro too. Yes. Someone said nothing beats a bit of a fiddle with yourself in a communal area. Guys, when I'm home alone and watching the rugby, after the game is finished, I'll do a press conference

and interview my cat like she was one of the players. The cat absolutely loves her. How do we feel the team went out on the field today and put up a real hard match against the other side? How are we feeling? Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Oh, gosh.

Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day a Syrian brown bear called Wojtek. Wojtek. Wojtek. Wojtek's no longer with us. RIP Wojtek. Okay.

Wojtek feels like cyber security. Yeah. Russian cyber security. Protect yourself with Wojtek. Yeah. Have you seen my new Honda? It is Wojtek. Protect yourself with Wojtek. Yeah. Have you seen my new Honda? It is Wojtek. I got Honda Wojtek. My angel Honda Wojtek.

Double over it came. So Wojtek's a bear, and he did come from the Soviet Union. He's a Syrian brown bear. Now, the Polish Corps in World War II, they were evacuated from the Soviet Union, and they took Wojtek with them. In the spring of 1942 the newly formed

Anders Army left the Soviet Union for Iran, accompanied with a whole lot of Polish civilians who they were getting out of the Soviet Union. This is in World War II. And when they came across a small baby bear that seemed to was separated from its mama. It was all by itself. So they were like, this is pretty cute. This is a cute baby bear that seemed to, didn't, was separated from its mama. Oh, bubba. It was all by itself.

So they were like, this is pretty cute. This is a cute little bear. And they took the bear with them. The bear, obviously, they were like, what are we going to feed this bear? Wojtek, which is apparently, Wojtek means happy warrior. Okay.

Oh, that's cool. It's an old Slavic name, happy warrior. Had problems swallowing, so they fed him sweetened condensed milk from an old vodka bottle. Now, that is the most Western European thing I've ever heard. Feed me that. Yeah, actually, that'll do me.

So then he started to grow big and strong, and he was subsequently given fruit, marmalade, honey, and syrup, and was rewarded with beer, which became his favourite drink, a beer-drinking beer. He also later enjoyed smoking cigarettes. Oh, for God's sake. And drinking coffee as a dawning. Oh, that God's sake. And drinking coffee in the morning. Oh, that's no good.

It was a different time. It was a different time. Now, you would imagine on that march down to Iran from the Soviet states, it would have been very cold, and it was. That's why Wojtek was also a very popular tent buddy because you'd basically be cuddling up with a very warm teddy bear. And he wouldn't try to eat you, or he was too young at the time? He was just too young, too young.

Then they ended up at the Battle of Monte Cassino in Italy. It's also known as the Battle for Rome in World War II. He was known to carry around munitions, like missiles and gun ammunition cases and stuff because he was so strong and was fully trained and like super friendly. But the problem was after a while when the, you know, like ammunition cases and stuff because he was so strong and was fully trained and like super friendly. But the problem was after a while when the, you know,

the height of the war happened and rations and stuff were short, he was just a bear. And so they couldn't assign, rations would arrive assigned to the soldiers. And that's when he became a corporal. Okay. He was officially enlisted in the Polish army. He had his own paybook, rank and serial number. Okay. He was officially enlisted in the Polish army. He had his own paybook, rank, and serial number, and he lived with the other men in the tents and got transported around in a truck.

Yep. He carried around boxes that normally required four men. That's how strong he was by the end of it. Oh, God. And his service at the Monte Casino earned him the promotion to the rank of corporal. Wow. And in recognition of his popularity, His service at the Monte Casino earned him the promotion to the rank of corporal. Wow.

And in recognition of his popularity, there was an emblem of the 22nd Company of the Polish Army as a depiction of a bear carrying an artillery shell. And that was their official logo of their company. Is it still to this day the logo? No, I don't think the 22nd Company exists anymore. It's really like a wartime company. After the end of World War II in 1945, he was transported to Scotland with the rest of the 22nd Company

and stationed at the Winfield Airfield in Hutton at the Scottish borders. Very popular amongst locals and civilians. Super friendly. And at the disestablishment of the 22nd, he was given to the Edinburgh Zoo, where he spent the rest of his life being visited by journalists. Always, by the way, the soldiers

made an effort to visit him at least once a year after the World War, taking him smokes because they wouldn't give him smokes in the zoo. So they'd pop a smoke in their gob, they'd light the smoke, and then they'd flick the smoke from it, he'd pick it up and be like, shit, ain't that the truth, boys? He was spoken to in Polish and would respond like in Polish if he said sit, he would sit down

and unfortunately at the age of 21 in 1963 weighing nearly 500 kilograms and at over 1.8 metres tall when he stood on his hind legs. Wow. Vojtek died.

Oh. Vojtek. What a life lived. What a cool story. Yeah. That's a movie, right? It's got to be. Surely.

There's got to be a movie on Vojtek. What a great story. So when they first found him, I was just trying to get a weight when they first found him, they said he was tiny. And during that campaign, he grew to 90 kilograms, but by the end of his life, 500. Wow.

Big boy. He's got lots of things named after him too. Apparently still like a little bit of a legend in Poland. Streets and stuff named after him. Oh, wow. Cool. There's a statue in Casino in Italy where he was a crucial part of the battle for Rome.

Yeah. And in September 2019, at the 80th anniversary of the outbreak of World War II, a statue was unveiled. Another statue was unveiled. Oh. Oh, God, we love them. Lovely. Great beer.

So today's fact of the day is in World War II, a beer rose to the ranks of corporal. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Exercise guys down 2kgs. Don't want to talk about it. Wow, he's looking cute. He's seen results. He's seen results. It turns out all I needed to do was try. Wow. And you know I'm very adverse to trying. Yeah, you don't like trying. No.

I'm just buying bigger pants. Now my pants aren't tight. I like where that's at. That's a great idea. I like where that's at. Man, my pants are getting tighter and tighter. Bought a bigger pair of pants. No, see, I kept with the same number of pants

and just got more and more uncomfortable. Same. That's what I was doing. You're just going to buy a bigger pair of pants. This is madness. Why didn't I think of this? Life is too short. So last night when my family all got fries and burgers,

I thought I'll make myself an omelette. Oh, yeah. How good's an omelette for dinner? Dude, dinner omelettes are underrated. Because then you make them real big. Yeah, because it's dinner. Yeah, you can justify more in a dinner omelette are underrated. Because then you make them real big. Yeah, because it's dinner. Yeah, you can justify more in a dinner omelette.

Because I'm about to go to bed. Yeah. So I'm going to make this meal bigger. Here's what I was hitting. Yep. Ham. Yep.

Yum. Cheese. Yep. Onion. Yeah, spring onion. Okay. Spring onion. That was all.

I'd go red. I'd go red. I'd go red. And I was like, I was in the mood to like cook the onion before I hit it in the omelette. Yeah. Some chillies. That hits different. Chili flakes. Spinach. I'd go red. I'd go red. And I was like, I was in the mood to like cook the onion before I hit it in the omelette. Some chillies.

That hits different. Chili flakes. Spinach. Chili flakes. Broccoli. Nano spinach. Nano greens. Okay.

Well, let's keep some greens in there next time. No capsicum. Tomato. Yeah. Big tomato guy on my omelette. Okay. Nice. And so I've got it all out and I'm prepping the area.

And yesterday when I went out to the chicken coop to get the eggs. Beautiful. I gathered them all up and I said, good work, girls. That's what I always say. I give a bit of genuine encouragement. Did they? I was like, you've all earned some more food. You're welcome.

And so I got the eggs and I went inside. So these are eggs freshly collected from the coop. Collect them every day. Like these are fresh out of the cloaca. Like eggs. Three hours steaming. Steaming eggs. They've got little butt feathers on them and some poops.

And so, do you think, do you think when you buy eggs from the supermarket, they purposely leave a feather in there just to be like, see guys? Because those eggs

would 100% have been cleaned. Yeah, and then they get the stamp on them. Yeah. They'll put them back on. They definitely sprinkle a feather in, eh, just to make it,

I reckon. Oh yeah, we free range. They'll pick up all the little feathers and sprinkle it over the production line. I reckon it's a track. So these are fresh, cleaned out every day. This was in the laying box.

Yeah. So it's not like it got snuck away because every now and then you'll find an egg that's been laid somewhere weird. Oh, yeah. Like on the roof? Yeah, I mean, that'd truly be weird. That would be really weird because it's outside. Yeah, I'd be like, that's weird. That is weird.

So I went and I was like, this egg's a little bit different. It feels a bit light and if I shake it, but it's outside. Yeah, I'd be like, that's weird. That is weird. So I went and I was like, this egg's a little bit different. It feels a bit light and if I shake it, but it's fresh. I was like, I wonder what's in it. Yeah, sometimes the shells aren't as strong. Sometimes we've had an egg within an egg. Oh. A shell. A shelled egg in a shelled egg.

Yeah, so you crack open the first egg and it's got like a little bit of white, but no yellow. And then inside that egg, there's another smaller egg and that's got the egg. What are they? A babushka egg. Would that be a twin? A babushka egg. I think it's when just two start to form.

Like a twin sort of a situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But with eggs. So I was like, I'll crack this one into a bowl. Yep. And I went tap on a flat surface because that's the way not to get... Shell in the bowl. Shell in the bowl.

We learned that, didn't we? Do you know what? And I was like, F off. That's so stupid. But it's the way not to get... Shell in the bowl. Shell in the bowl. We learned that, didn't we? Do you know what? And I was like, F off. That's so stupid. But it's the way to go. It works. I'm no longer getting shell in my omelies. Bingo.

Flat surface. And I went tap, and it was like an improvised explosive device. It went... Oh, wow. Pop! Like this loud pop, and it blew eggshell shards everywhere.

Wow. It exploded. It exploded, and it st eggshell shards everywhere. Wow. Exploded. Exploded and it stunk. Like, it's fresh out of the... So I'm like, what the hell? I've got to clean it up immediately. Everyone's like, dad. Like you let it fall in those fart balls.

Yeah, like a fart ball. It stunk. So I just literally opened the window and tossed it outside. I was like, it's raining outside Nature's dishwasher Nature will take care of that Nature will wash that up And then some foul creature of the night will probably

And then I like wiped the bench Sprayed everything everywhere Went around and cleaned it up And I was like, what the hell Cracked some more eggs Made what I will call a smashing omelette Want to see a photo? Yes please Are we going soft outer? cracked some more eggs made what I will call a smashing omelette want to see a photo yes please

are we going soft soft outer or are we going a little bit of brown because I like both oh it's a lot more perfect than I imagined almost French style

that's gorgeous this is a perfect omelette my omelettes are so big I find them hard it's hard to fold them over and they end up being more like an open

open omelette. What heat are you rocking when you cook it? You've got to warm the pan. We go up to a 15. I'll set it on a 6. I only go up to a 10. Are you rich? I'm gas.

Hard to control. You'd have to have a very little flame. Use the money. I'm on gas. We found the money in the room. Follow the money. Follow the money. I think we sniffed out the money.

It is hard Low Low heat Melt some butter That's French style Low heat I'm gonna rush Yeah I want a crispy No

But don't you crisp the ingredients first You're a damn fool Your onions and your hams I'll get that crisp Then I'll put the egg over top Then I'm turning it down

Yeah Then I'm putting the cheese on Then I'm flipping it over But she's brown And you've got to put sauces in as well Where are you putting the sauces Yeah I'll put the egg over top. Then I'm turning it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I'm putting the cheese on. Then I'm flipping it over. But she's brown. And you've got to put sauces in as well. Where are you putting the sauces? Yeah, I'll put sauces in.

In the omelette. No, not in the afterwards. When everything's in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you've got to cook the sauce. Yeah. I don't sauce my omelettes because I'm a grown up. Okay.

You can do you. I did chilli flakes. Okay. And some hot sauce on top. So how did you get to the bottom of this smelly egg explosion? Canned chickens lay rotten eggs was henceforth googled after my omelette. Okay. While rare, an infection of the oviduct can cause the formation of a rotten egg before it's shelled and laid in the nest.

Black or green or red, inside of the egg is a bright neon sign of infection. There was a green. So I've got a chicken with an infected oviduct. Is that like an ovarian thing? Yeah, something that we're just, so I've got to go take it to a farm. I've got to make a humane decision. Ew. See, I would love.

Because you don't want her gross eggs mixing with the good eggs. Or she's obviously not well Can you take her to a little health resort or something? Yeah There is one chicken also I believe I know which one it is Something happened to her foot And it went a bit funny and she didn't walk around

But I just kept checking on her every day She was in the chicken house Now she's back out with the other chickens But her one leg's big And she looks like she's on meth She's like losing feathers and stuff And you walk out there and you're like Hello girls And they all go with the other chickens, but her one leg's big. Yeah. And she looks like she's on meth. She's like losing feathers and stuff. And you walk out there, you're like, hello, girls.

And they all go, bop, bop, bop. And she goes, bop. Oh, no, she's gone mad. I'll get a photo of her. She's got hysteria. Yeah, I want to see meth chicken. Meth chicken. Yeah, take photos. I don't know if she's pulling her own feathers out

or the other chickens are picking on her and the feathers, all the feathers are just falling out, but she's not well. She's gone mad. And now with this egg thing, I'm like, she's too far gone. Wait, so that's the one, the meth chicken's the one laying? Every other chicken's healthy. You've got the big red cone. Keeping all the feathers.

Don't look dependent on methamphetamine. Oh, so you think meth chicken is the culprit of the egg? I do believe so. I mean, the bigger question is, where is she getting the meth from? The foxes. If you know the right people. The rich, bad red foxes. They come and they're like,

can I just do any meth? And they open up their jackets and they've got meth in there. And the chicks are like, I'm trying not to. Get out of here. And the fox is like, just a little bit,

just a little bit. I've turned my back on that life. And then they're so addicted to it, the fox is like, I'll sell you meth for a bite of your leg. And then, you know, the fox is technically slow.

It's a victim-free crime because they're offering up parts of their body in exchange for chicken meat. Well, good fox is technically slow. It's a victim-free crime because they're offering up parts of their body in exchange for chicken. Well, good luck doing that today. Yep. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Yeah, this is why I couldn't have chicken.

So I'd love all the eggs and stuff, but then that bit, I'd probably just put it in the back seat of my car and just chuck it in a paddock somewhere. Drive the car into a lake and then just, you know, get a new car. I think you guys would put the chicken in the back seat of the car, get a garden hose, wrap it around the exhaust pipe and put it in the window. I'm like, you don't need to do that in your car.

You can just do that in a banana box. That's too much. That's too much. No, he's driving an entire vehicle into a lake every time one of his chickens dies. And one day someone's out for a run and there hasn't been a lot of rain and the water's down and they're like, oh my God, there's a car in the reserve.

Ring, ring, police, there's a car in the reserve. Oh my God, we'll get down there. And they go, without pulling it out, the police dive in. They're down there and they're like, we did find a body in the car. We believe it's a chicken. And it looks like it was on meth. God, it looks like it was on meth.

It's a shamble. I'm up to date with Maths New Zealand. like it was on meth. God, it looked like it was on meth. That's a shamble. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I'm up to date with Meths New Zealand. I finally watched it yesterday after getting the TV off of Aaron. What's he been watching?

What's he been watching? I'll talk about it in the podcast. Where he can't hear. Where he can't hear. Yep. Because he doesn't know how to download a podcast.

Has he started listening to the show? No. I don't know, maybe. Anyway, I five-watched the maths yesterday, and the only observation, because, you know, when we talked to Joe and John, the experts, I said my concern when it comes to New Zealand versions

of very successful Australian and American formats is that we don't bring enough drama. Now, everyone's really nice, but my concern is it's really obvious that we are working on a different budget to the Australian one. Oh, every time we do one of these shows, every time. Oh my God.

It's so obvious we have less budget. So when they do the Australian one, the weddings they throw, I'd say there's like 50 guests maybe. No, 40 guests. They're maybe. No, 40 guests. They're still small weddings. 40 guests. But the budget is huge.

There are flowers. There's like everything. Like it is ginormous. Now granted, our New Zealand weddings did happen in Vanuatu. This is the thing that screams they've done that for a reason. One guest. Each bride and groom gets one guest. What do they get like on the Aussie?

The whole family? Yeah, yeah. Like friends, family, everything. Which you'd think they would do because there's more potential for more drama. Like with family coming. It's so interesting. Was it sponsored? And we got to Vanuatu thanks to Air Tahiti.

It wasn't that obvious, but yeah. Which is not in Tahiti. No, I know. I was just trying to think of a Pacific carrier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because E Vanuatu went under? Yeah. Yeah, it did, yeah.

Oh, poor E Vanuatu. But that was the one thing I noticed. I was like, let alone the lack of drama, there's a severe lack of budget on the New Zealand one. Because, yeah, each, and they're cut to the wedding, which usually it's like the first dance and there's speeches and there's food and stuff. And it's actually like a picnic table with four people around it.

Oh, the bridegroom and the each guest. Please ask. I know. We're trying. There's no money in New Zealand television. At least the show's getting made because so many shows are getting cut because of this very reason. You're telling me.

They're very expensive to make these TV shows. You're telling me the shows are getting cut left, right and centre. I know. I'm glad they've still managed to make it, but. You are telling me the shows are getting cut left, right and centre. I know. I'm glad they've still managed to make it, but God, it made me laugh. I was like, we're New Zealand. We can't do these big formats as well because we just don't have the money. Are you invested, though, in the couples? I am.

They're really lovely, though I think that they've stuffed up the coupling. I would have switched. You would have switched a couple? Owen agrees. Can they do that now? They do in some seasons I want that one I want that one

Anyway I will keep watching I am loving it but Do all of your other Little Britain voices Alright everybody We're going to talk about How not to be fat Eat dust I think they re-edited

Little Britain and they could only put up 10 minutes of each episode. So maybe stop now. Shall I stop? Oh, another one in the bag.

It's a Versace bag as well. If you enjoyed that give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates. You don't sound

sincere there, boy. I'm just reading what's written here. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.