ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 29th November 2023

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Gen Z Christmas Dinner  Top 6: Disney Rides  Silly Little Poll!  What's in Hayley's Handbag?  Hayley's Facial  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshpawn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show Fleshpawn and Hayley. It's a couple of minutes after six o'clock. Hello. We'll give you the chance to win Coldplay tickets again on the show today. Where did they get the name Coldplay?

I don't know. How'd they come up with that? You've probably Googled it, it's probably been said in an interview. Why is the band called Coldplay. I don't know. How'd they come up with that? You've probably Googled it. It's probably been said in an interview. Why is the band called Coldplay? You've got to register. ZM online. We could be calling you back after 8.30 this morning. You've got to answer the phone with yellow. Yellow. Like their song. It was their first

big song, wasn't it? Great song. That was the one that they recorded him in fast time. Yeah. And he had to learn the song Look at the stars. look how they shine for you like that and then when they did the slow-mo of him on the beach his mouth was in time but he's in slow-mo

Didn't they do a reverse video like that as well? Yeah, was that Fix You? That was a reverse car crash or something. I remember being in the car with my boyfriend when we were 16 listening to Fix You and he cried But you wanted a man though No, I liked the emotion car with my boyfriend when we were 16 listening to Fix You and he cried. But you wanted a man though. You wanted a little bit of...

No, I like the emotion. I think it was just like... It was a bit much. It was a lot. The British rock band were originally called Starfish. That sucks. After a friend's band with the name Coldplay decided to ditch the name Starfish said, can we have that name? I hope he's getting it.

Because Starfish sucks. Yeah. The original Coldplay group got their name from a book of children's poems called Child's Reflections Coldplay. Oh, okay. There you go. Well, your chance to win tickets after 8.30, but you've got to register first at ZM Online. The top six is on the way.

Some drama at Disneyland. Yes, I think he took drugs, but a man got naked and ran through Disneyland, so I've got the top six rides at Disneyland where you don't want to see a man's penis. What was the area he was caught in? It was the... Louisiana Square.

No, the little... Small World. Small World. Small World. Little World Corner of Disneyland. Yeah, yeah. Which lends itself to... Yeah, you'd imagine he was on drugs.

Yeah. And it all got a bit much for him. He's had a few bath salts. Soon on the show, Macquarie, the dictionary, the Australian dictionary. Do you remember the last year, Bachelor's Handbag was the word of the year?

Yeah. Well, they've got a new one, and it's very Australian. It's very Aussie. We'll get into this soon, the top six as well, soon. But next on the show. We want to talk about a very surprising world record. Yeah, Shannon found this at these social media deals. This is classic Shannon.

I feel like this is how to know how she found this news. I don't know where she wanders on the internet, eh? She goes on to check her emails, and then suddenly she's stumbled across this surprising world record. This isn't a Guinness. Wouldn't do this as a world record. Surely not. It doesn't feel like a Guinness move. It's bizarre.

Also, can I update? I just want to update people who were here last week when Vaughn was away. Yeah. I've got the felt tip today and I've trimmed it. There was a bit of an argument last week about who got the felt tip today, and I've trimmed it. Now Fletch wants it back. There was a bit of an argument last week about who had the felt. He was hogging it, Vaughan, and he wouldn't let me have it. Is it a good felt?

It's a favourite. Yeah, it's one of our favourite in-studio films. I almost don't want you to try it, because you'll see the full... Okay. Well, I did suggest for the show today we could do a phoner on what's the best pen you've ever used. And I am thinking of hijacking the show again at some stage today. Nobody's got a favourite story just like that.

Man, I've had some good pens in my life. There'll be people who only buy a certain brand of pen. Once you find your pen, you stick with it. Because I used one on the cruise that I was on last weekend, last week when I was away, and I said to the guy, can I have this pen? And he said, absolutely not. It's my favourite pen. I said, I can see why.

I can see why. I can see why this is a hot pen. You can just ask to take another man's pen. I took a photo of the pen. Right. Get some hobbies, I reckon. Who, me? Yeah. Always room for a pen. Anyway, the world record I'm going to share next has nothing to do with pens.

Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. There is a male. His name is Drake Hardy. Can I ask first producer Shannon, how did you source this story? How did you find it? Ladbible. Oh, we love a

Ladbible. I love Ladbible. And the thumbnail hooked me in. What was the thumbnail? You know. Joseph Gordon thumbnail hooked me in. What was the thumbnail? You know. It's Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Yep. And a hand with lube going into it. Oh, right.

Okay. Hooked. Hooked. Okay, right. So Drake Hardy, Hardy by name, Hardy by nature, is a 40-year-old bisexual male. Okay. Who was attempting to break the world record

previously set by Masanobu Sato, Japanese businessman. Yeah. For the longest period of time, fiddling with yourself. Right, okay. So Masanobu Sato set the record

at nine hours and 33 minutes. Nine hours? Of non-stop self-pleasure. What is it? What are they? So it's just non-stop? Yeah.

I was like, are you meeting, are you reaching a peak? No, because then that would be the end of it. Well, not necessarily. You'd have to push through. No, that would be the end of the record.

Oh, right. Do you reckon? I reckon. So this guy, Hardy, he claims he's beat the record before, but did it away from people watching. Right, okay. Whereas Masanobu Sato, he did it as part of the annual San Francisco Masturbate-a-thon,

which is a fundraiser. Right. Is it for what? For like prostate cancer or something? Jeez, I've been doing it for nothing all this time. The lives I could have saved. You've been doing all this charity work. And I haven't been cashing it in.

Yeah. Gosh darn. Raises money for various charities, dispels self-pleasure shame, and contributes to various debates about safe sex. Well, this is if our friend, sexologist Morgan Penn was here. She would say there's absolutely no shame about that at all.

I know, but after nine and a half hours. On a willy as well. Yeah. Actually, I don't know what would be worse in the genitalia choice options for a nine and a half hour self-pleasure session. But the whole time you're just sort of edging yourself.

You can't, you know what I mean? And he said that... So Sting did it, didn't he? Yeah. Didn't Sting? It wasn't Sting. You know? Wasn't he all about not finishing it? Sting. Sting.

The singer. The singer. The stinger. I don't want to know that. The singer, the stinger. Sting famously... Why didn't he come out and say that? He was one of the first.

He was like, I'm into tantric sex. Oh, right. He's like, I will not end. Right. I'll do it for hours. We've got things to do. Eventually. We've got things to do.

It sounds awful. Yeah, there's dishes to load. There's just... You've got to clean out the back of your car. I've got to clean the back of my car. I've got to go to the gym. I've got to eat food at some point. Are you eating during this?

It's a whole day. Are you taking a hand off yourself to pick up a sandwich? Well, that's the good thing about a sandwich is you can eat it one-handed. Not all sandwiches. Not all sandwiches are made equal. I made a sandwich for Aaron yesterday with what we had. Salami.

Salami, cheese, a bit of chilli jam. It was a two-handed sandwich. And tomatoes. And when there's tomatoes in there, it's a two-handed sandwich. Oh, yeah, when tomato and lettuce get involved in a sandwich, it's a two-handed sandwich. Well, there's tomatoes in there It's a two handed sandwich When tomato and lettuce Get involved in a sandwich It's a two handed sandwich Well the guy said

This guy who beat the record Said that the hardest part Is His penis Well no Is keeping it going And enjoying it still And I was like

Well then why are you doing it To beat a world record He said I only stop when it becomes painful. I mean, for God's sake. You know what I mean? Get out and go for a walk. 13 past six.

Let's turn to something more wholesome next on the show. Yeah. While it's not really wholesome, I'm upset. Gen Z is boycotting something at this time of the year. And I'm absolutely devastated. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's. Get the calendar. How many days till Christmas?

20, 24, 24, 20. You know, I have to load christmasclock, xmasclock.com. 25, 17 hours. 25 days, 17 hours. Till Christmas. I'm very excited. So at Christmas time, we know

you eat a variation of the same thing that you've eaten your whole life. Dude, it's at the Smith House or the Holmes Christmas, because my mum was a Holmes. It is literally, like we don't, I did a whole turkey last year and everyone's like, I don't know why you're doing this.

You're doing extra work. Just get the turkey rolls. You did a Costco turkey, yeah. I did a know why you're doing this. Yeah. You're doing extra work. Yeah. Okay, just get the turkey rolls. You did a Costco turkey, yeah. I did a Costco turkey, yeah. It was good. It was a lot of work. I won't be doing it again. I don't mess with turkey.

But our family is a ham. It's a big bitch. A ham. And then a roast, like roast chuck or a roast. We do a roast chuck. This year we're doing a roast lamb. Yeah.

It's a roast meat of some kind, probably a ham. Always. Then you've got your dinner rolls. Yep. That are par-baked. Oh, get me in on them dinner rolls. Dinner rolls.

I love dinner rolls. What kind of bread are you? I just do the best. I'm just going to put it out there. Do a mumma for your rallies for Christmas dinner. Shut your face. Get out of here. I nearly swore at you.

You trash ass Christmas. You know I'm with you on mumma for your rallies, but not on Christmas. Well, you were lapping it up the other day when I got out a couple of loaves of Mumafia rallies out of the oven. I gobbled it straight. You gobbled it down. I did, but it's not Christmas Day. You've got your beans. You've got some kind of.

No. We do green beans. Whoa. Green beans. Not beans. Oh, look. We do green beans. You can do beans.

With a roast. Here in the garden. No, you do peas. Well, you can do peas as well. You can do peas. I mean, it's our version of peas. Peas and beans, they look similar. They're a wildly different creation.

No, they're very much of the same vein. Anyway, this is Christmas. But we all sound like we're in the emphysema war, by the way. Yeah, I know. You just had a cough. You just had a cough. I'm clearing my throat. Croaky.

You two both sound like you've been lifelong smokers. What's wrong? How are you both sound like you've been lifelong smokers. Yeah. What's wrong? How are you, Adam? I've been better. I feel like it's mine's allergies. Oh, yeah, okay. I feel like I'm getting into allergy season because I've been sneezing a lot. Waking up and going to be in allergies.

Mine is not COVID-19. I had a swab so far up my nose. Yep. God, he goes deep, Adam. You go quite deep. Up the nose. You've just got to can't. You only do the entrance. Yep. God, he goes deep, eh? Yeah, you go quite deep up the nose. You've just got to can't, you only do the entrance. Yeah. You don't do the entrance.

Throat and then the nosy. COVID hides right at the back of the nosy. Yeah, you don't do the nose, then the throat. Oh, God, that's a punish. So we all eat these roasts on Christmas, right? Well, you have your version of your family Christmas dinner, and then you sort of, you might go left or right of the main menu, but that's what it is.

Yeah. Not Gen Z. They're playing around with the whole thing. Well, Shannon's nodding her head. She's the only Gen Z here. People, they're doing, they're saying traditional Christmas dinner, they're killing it off. They're not having a bar of it.

They're having spaghetti bolognese. What do you want? What? Spaghetti bolognese is one of the examples. And a stir fry or something. Do you know what I had last year? Was it a Wednesday night? Yeah, last year I was on air on ZM

and I got, no joke, non-olds delivered and I had a Big Mac for Christmas and it was the best Christmas lunch ever. I wouldn't be mad at that. But then if you were at home with your family and you could choose Christmas food, what would you choose?

I guess just what's going, but it's just, Christmas doesn't mean anything to me. There's no... Wow. Our apologies to Jesus. I was going to say,

wow. Our Lord and Saviour's birthday means nothing to you? I feel like it's more about the drinks than the food. Like, I don't know. Yeah, for sure,

but the meal is the... He said, this is my blood. Point of the day. And this is the body of Christ. You've got to have the point of the day. And this is the body of Christ. You've got to have the body with the blood. Yeah, it just means nothing to me.

I don't know. The food is not sentimental. Can we just apologize to our Christian listeners? I really apologize. This is why you can't get that job at Radio Rima and social media. I've told you. God, they play some good music. You've tried. God.

You want spaghetti bolognese for Christmas dinner. It's good music. You've tried. God. With homes, what a war pun. You want spaghetti bolognese for Christmas dinner. It's disgusting. They're doing alternative dishes, different festive menus. They interviewed thousands of Gen Zers, and they were all like, no, it's not about the turkey. Spaghetti bolognese. Get a grip. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey.

Macquarie Dictionary out of Australia have announced their word of the year. They've actually got a committee choice where the committee at Macquarie choose a word. All right. And then they've got people's choice. Fun. So the committee this year, and I did not know this. I honestly thought this came out of Australia. But actually this phrase was coined in the UK, but resonated with Australia.

Right. You know, that's how they talk. Yeah. Cozzy lives. Cozzy lives. Cozzy lives. They've been calling the cause of living crisis Cozzy lives for a while. Yeah, they have.

Yeah. Cozzy live cry. Cozzy live cry or Cozzy lives. But apparently It came They traced it to Out of the UK But I don't know if they

It was Australians Living in the UK Like on their OE Yeah Cozzy I think it's hard Cozzy Lives I think it almost should be

Coz Livy Cry Coz Livs Cry Coz Livy Cry Role Yeah but we're in the middle Of a Cozzy Lives That's how It's kind of said

Yeah Oh mate I'd love to come out I can't Cozzy Lives Cosi-cry rolls. Cosi-lives. Yeah, but we're in the middle of a cosi-lives. That's how it's kind of said. Yeah. Oh, mate, I'd love to come out. I can't because the bloody cosi-lives. Cos-livi-cry. I like cosi-lives. I like it, yeah. So what did the people vote? The people voted generative AI.

That was their favourite, just because of everything that's been AI. AI. Been a big year for AI. Big year. God, I can't stand it. What's wrong? I've got beef with AI. Been a big year for AI. Big year. God, I can't stand it. What's wrong? I've got beef with AI.

I read, I had to read, I won't, I won't, I had to read a script that was written by AI the other day. And nonsensical. It didn't really go right yesterday with the apology. I think it kind of won you back. Oh, and I played it to Aaron and he was like, oh my God, is that how it works? I was like, yeah, it's amazing. But do you know what we

did yesterday, actually? What? Aaron and I stood in the kitchen, we listened to the show. What were you critiquing? The podcast. You listened to the whole podcast? Well, he wanted to listen to the Shania Twain song. Oh, yes. And he said, the video's not up yet, you have to wait. And he said, I don't want to wait. Play the podcast. And we just got sort of hooked

listening to the podcast. And we just listened to the show. Good show. Was it a good show? I'd listen. Well I said that really nice thing about Shara yesterday. I said did you hear the nice thing I said about you? And she said yep. That was all she said. Oh. There was no elaboration. I was like it won't be happening again. Should we listen? And she was like oh yeah

it was nice. I was like should we listen to it again? She's like no no I've had enough. So she doesn't. She's sick of it. Aaron was right into it. We listened to the bit of the AI apology that I did. He'll become jaded. He's blown away no, no, I've had enough. So she's sick of it. Aaron was right into it. And then we listened to the bit of the AI apology that I did. He'll become jaded. So this script that you were reading, they had, what, just chucked it in an AI writing program?

Yeah, I think they'd given it all the key information. Yeah. And then it had written the script. Punctuation? And I had to read it out. Zero punctuation. Zero sentence structure. Did a human check over it? Yeah, but I was informed that the human was a Gen Z,

so zero punctuation. Zero sentence structure. No capital letters. Not a capital letter to be said. No capital letters. Nothing. It's disappointing. The only thing worse than Gen Z is AI.

Yeah. You know, they kind of go hand in hand, don't they? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. I want to start this. Is that the felt?

Are you apologising? That's a nice felt. Yeah, that's the felt. Hayley's got the felt today. I just want to suck it and show it to Fletch. That's nice. Because he can't have the felt back. Do you want to suck it and show it to Fletch. That's nice. Because he can't have the felt back. Do you want to try it, Vaughan?

Yes, please. I'm also going to write suck it. It's a great felt. It's a great felt. But does it have the sound of felt on paper? Yes, it does. It does. Because Fletch blew it out.

Fletch blew it out and I just trimmed it this morning. Listen. Hang on. There's some ASMR here. That was a bit yuck. That didn't sound good. No, it doesn't sound good. It's nice though.

It's a nice felt. No, I'm not. Just enjoy the experience. I feel like it might be like a cheap, you know, felt, but I don't, it's so good.

We've got Posca. Tell you what, when you guys come around on Friday, I'll let you have a ride with Augie's Posca pens and you'll think that that's trash. Will Augie notice if we steal a couple of prime colours? She's got them categorised and everything.

I would still steal from her. How old is she? Eight, nine. Ten, twelve. She's sixteen. Nine. I would steal a felt from a nine-year-old and not have any qualms about it.

I'd kick her as well. Do you know what I mean? On the way out. Give me back my felt. I'd be like, shut up. Get out. A man has gone rogue at Disneyland.

And can I just, at the start of this top six, give a shout out if you're after a neat podcast and you're a Disney fan like I am. Matt Gourley, who works on Conan O'Brien's podcast, has done a six-part, eight-part series called Keys to the Kingdom. And it's about theme parks in LA. It kind of focuses mostly on Universal Studios and Disneyland,

but behind the scenes and people get their voices disguised and talk about shenanigans that have happened. Oh my God, I would love that. It's actually a really, really well told story. Oh wow, I can't wait to see that. It's cool. And his wife and you'll immediately google her because she talks about how she was like a very highly sought after Disney princess.

Oh. I just love seeing a nerd doing well for himself. Yeah. That's my favourite thing. Hot. Seeing a nerd doing well for himself. But yeah, it's called Keys to the Kingdom. Very interesting listen. But a man has well for himself. But yeah, it's called Keys to the Kingdom. Very interesting listen. But a man has been arrested and there's photos of it because he got nude.

Yep. He got nude and ran around at Disneyland. So I've got the top six rides. There's 100% children everywhere. Some drugs kicking in. 100%. I've got the top six rides at Disneyland that you don't want to see a man's penis on.

Number six is the actual ride he was caught on. It's a small world. I don't go there if it's got small in the title. Has that got like, I can't remember what, is that like animatronics? It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. Over and over and over and over again.

Small, small, small. And it's all these like kids from around the world and it goes for ages and it's this like slow boat ride. That's where they corner me like ran in there and it was jumping off

and running around. That would probably be the worst place to take off your clothes at Disney. Yeah. I'm watching him, just watching a video of him. I reckon it's like shrooms.

Oh, it's got big hallucinogenic vibes. Yeah, definitely. Rather than like a drunk thing, it's got shrooms. It's got something edible. Yeah, right. Top six rides at Disneyland you, it's got shrooms. It's got something edible. Yeah, right.

Top six rides at Disneyland you don't want to see a man's penis on. Privates of the Caribbean. Good from you. Privates of the Caribbean. It's really good. Which is a really old ride and the line was very long when we got there. But it's a bit of a classic. I want to go on some theme park rides.

Same. I'll go back to Disneyland tomorrow. Let's a bit of a classic. I want to go on some theme park rides. Same. I'll go back to Disneyland tomorrow. Let's go to Rainbow's End. I would not go past the Rainbow's End. I know it's just the tip but it's still good. It'll scratch an itch. It'll scratch an itch, yeah. Number four on the

list of the top six rides at Disneyland you don't want to see a man's penis on. Rise of the Resistance. Rise of the Resistance. Rise of the Resistance. Good from you. Have you guys, have you been to Disneyland since that's been there? No. God damn it. 2006 is my last time. That ride smacks. Is it full of nerds and does it smell like BO?

It's absolutely full of nerds. It doesn't smell like BO. It's the raddest ride in the world. Yeah, I need to do that. Yeah, the cars ride over the road at California Adventure Park is also very good But then if you're in California Six Flags, great roller coasters Knott's Berry Farm

Knott's Berry Farm is in the same area as Disneyland eh? But Universal's in Hollywood and that other one's even further away You could literally just spend a week in California doing every single park Hurling yourself around on metal contraptions. Number three on the list

of the top six rides at Disneyland you want to see a man's penis on, Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters. Don't do that thing with your pelvis again.

Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters. You don't want to get in the high score on that guy. Number two on the list of the top six rides at Disneyland

you don't want to see a man's penis on. Splash Mountain. Yeah. Splashing a bit. Did they cancel that? Splash Mountain. Magic Mountain. Magic.

No, didn't they close something down or rename something? Are you thinking of the pirate ship at Rainbow's End? I don't know. Splash Mountain. I don't know. Maybe. Mountain. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe.

I can't think that we didn't go on it when we were there, but I think I saw it. But maybe. Your Disney praise for Splash Mountain revamp. Oh, okay. Why was it problematic? There were problematic aspects of it. What were they?

Yes, there were. Racist theme removal has taken place in July. Oh, dear. They've been praised for removing the racist origins of the ride, and it will be renamed Tiana's Bayou Adventure. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was being built when we were there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That looks rad. It looks rad. Can't go past it. It's an understated Disney princess movie. The Princess and the Frog. It's the story of Tiana, a hardworking woman in New Orleans. Right. New Orleans.

New Orleans. And number one on the list of the top six rides at Disneyland you don't want to see a man's penis on, the Indiana Bones Adventure. Oh, for God's sake. The Indiana Bones Adventure. Oh, for God's sake. The Indiana Bones Adventure. That's it. That's it. That's it.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I have not knowingly been cheated on. If I've been cheated on, they kept it secret and it has remained a secret. Well, you said Aaron would, it's just not. I'd be impressed. You'd be really impressed. Yeah.

I would actually be like chuffed. You know, I'd be like proud of him. Because what? Because he just doesn't have it in him. No. What the audacity, the planning. The planning, the time, the care, the want, the desire, the ability. Yeah.

I just, he just wouldn't. He's not good with technology. He wouldn't be able to keep in touch with anyone. No. You're just going to walk on home one day shagging some old bird that he met down the, down the, bloody,

down the riverhead tab. Nah, it'll be the hoo-ah-pie tab, yeah. Riverhead's a classy, riverhead tab's a classy historical establishment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd go to the hoo-ah- Tav, the famous roadside bloody... I'd initially be like... ...State Highway 16 shag hole.

That's so good. He'd have a few too many bloody Guinnesses. Super cold line reds. I love it. I would. I'd walk in and I'd be like, all right, proud of you, proud of you, babe. And then women would be like,

all right, piss off, then he's got a bloody job to get to. Yeah, get out of here, bloody, get out of here. Get in there, boy. Make love to this bloody mountain of a man. Get in there, boy. Well, according to this study out of America, which is... Also, he could just ask you, right? Like, you've got permission for Jason Momoa.

Yeah, I want to shag someone. I'd be like, sure. I want to shag Shazza down the hoo-ah-pie tab. If it was Shazza down at the Huapai tab, who's always cranking the pokies. In my mind as a fictitious person, but I can almost guarantee at any given time at the Huapai tab, there's a Shazza.

There's a Shazza. Apparently, according to the study, 40% of Americans have been cheated on. And again, if this study asked me, have you been cheated on? Yeah, you'd say no. But you'd only answer yes if you knew. 100%.

40% of Americans are aware they have been cheated on. Yeah, you'd say no. But you'd only answer yes if you knew. 100%. 40% of Americans are aware they have been cheated on. Yeah. And apparently, a quarter of them, after they find out, they're sticking around. They're pushing through. I listened to a podcast recently. A quarter? Okay. I listened to a podcast recently. You know Estee Perel, who does Where Should We Begin?

Yeah. She's a relationship therapist. Very famous. Oh, right. Okay. And she's a great podcast. It's a podcast show. She's a therapist. She's a couple therapist. Yeah, she's a relationship therapist, very famous. Oh, right. Okay. And she's a great podcast. It's a podcast show. She's a couple therapist. Yeah, she's a couple's therapist. And she- I listened to some of her podcasts.

I was like, how did these people agree to have these? I know. So therapy sessions on the podcast. Yeah. But I always, when you hear a therapist talk about, and they're like this client, that client, I'm just like, are we allowed to like just say that? They can say that.

But this podcast has the actual recordings of the session. Oh, right. Okay. No, you're in the session. They would be signing a waiver, right? Yeah. And I imagine they're getting free. She's like a top tier therapist and they're getting it for nothing.

Yeah, yeah, totally. But she did a podcast recently on cheating and when to stay and when to leave. Oh, and what did she say? She would deal with it all the time. Couples coming to her post, you know, cheating, scandal, whatever. And she said there's plenty of ways to push through it and to make it last. Right. Because there's many, many reasons why people cheat.

So it all comes back to the reason why and is that problem repairable or are they just a dirt bag? In which case you should leave. Right. But if it's about something else, she was, it was actually really fascinating. And then I went out and I just shagged like three guys. Because I was like,

we'll be able to come back from this. It's repairable. Yeah, yeah. Old Jewish therapist in New York has given me the tick. Yeah, I was like, man, I'm just going to go. I went crazy. I didn't. Yeah, no.

No. Interesting, though. Yeah, really interesting. I recommend the podcast. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little poe. Silly little poe. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly Little Pole, when do you plan what you're having for dinner?

Start of the week, that morning or last minute. Mine is inherited from my grandmother and my mother, which is as soon as I've finished the meal I'm eating. I'm eating breakfast and I finish that and I'm thinking, what are we doing for lunch? And then you have a massive lunch and you put down your fork, you're like, right, I better think about dinner. Better get dinner underway. It's a real

it's my mum and she always like she always says when my mum does she's like oh I was telling my bloody mother you barely put your fork down he's already thinking about dinner

so start of the week was the winner 43% of people said the start of the week oh wow you can barely get real that's when you're like oh we're gonna have a good week

is that because people go to the supermarket and buy the meat for the week so they're like okay maybe we'll do a nachos. We'll do a taco Tuesday. We'll do nachos.

You're doing a lot of Mexican-based cuisine. Yeah, absolutely. We love Mexican. Fajita bowl. Oh my God, I went to a Mexican chain yesterday to get a salad

and he said, you want the fajita bowl? And honestly, he looked Mexican. And he said, fajita. He said,, you want the fajita bowl? And honestly, he looked Mexican. And he said, fajita. He said, do you want the fajita bowl? I was like, yeah. He knows you always say fajita, even this fajita.

No, you say fajita. Fajita. You've got to say fajita. Maybe I misprofiled him, but I looked at him and I said, huh, he's a Mexican man in a Mexican restaurant. What you may have had on your hands there is a racially ambiguous man. I think so. Maybe Middle Eastern, because he said, Fujita.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Do you want the Fujita? Or ears. Yeah, it's all ears. I couldn't believe my stomach. That morning. Oh my God, and Aaron, sorry. Our neighbours who are moving back to the UK

are giving us some of their pantry things. And then Aaron was like, look at all the tortillas they dropped off. Oh my God. And I said, tortillas? He said, yeah, the tortillas. What's going on? We were out in August.

My daughter said, I'll have the quesadillas. Said it, quesadillas. Yeah. And the waitress said, quesadillas? The quesadillas. Oh my God. Extra jalapenos.? The Cassadillas. Oh my God.

Extra jalepeños. Let's have some respect. Oh my God, I love my jalepeños. Jalepeños. Have some respect, Have some respect. Anyway,

side thought, side thought. So start of the week, 43%. Last minute, 29%. That morning, 28%.

So the second and third are very, very close. I think I'm just, I don't know. I just don't plan it kind of on the day. I'm on the day. Willy nilly. Willy n close. I think I'm just, I don't know. I just don't plan it kind of on the day. I'm on the day.

Willy nilly. Willy nilly. Yeah. I'm Willy nilly. Monique, menu planning is a great way to save money. Do one shop a week so you don't keep popping in to grab bits and bobs. No. Because you always pick up extras.

It's going limp in the vegetable drawer. I'm getting Uber Eats and it's going limp in the vegetable drawer. Oh, yeah. That's at our house. It's constantly like, there's nothing to eat. I'm like, the freezer is literally full. Yeah. Every time I open it, something slides out.

You cannot tell me there's nothing to eat in this house. And then I make one of my coveted dad's whatever's in the freezer meals and everyone always raves about them. Yeah. So Monique that said this said I should know about, you know, going once a week because I work at the bloody supermarket, but I still only do one shop a week. Oh, my God, you work at the supermarket?

Oh, wow. I just grabbed something as I left for the day. I know. It's so easy and tempting. And she would know when they do the reduced clear meats because, you know, I love the reduced clear meats. Yeah, he loves an uncooked beef that's already going grey. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? He loves that. I love a dollar off some chicken. Because he's struggling on his super and he's got to provide for his 12 children. He's barely making ends meet. He's an old mother hubbard who lives in a shoe. Except the complete opposite.

I just love a $2 of a mate. It's so good. It's rewarding. I don't. Do you need to borrow some money, Holly? No, I do not need to borrow some money. Let's transfer him over a couple of bucks. A couple of bucks.

That'd be nice. Catherine said, I plan the dinners when I do groceries because one time I sent my partner and he bought six packs of steak with two in each. So 12 steaks and we had to eat steak for the entire week. Oh, that's a man shop. Yeah, it's a man shop. Tony Anna said, I'd say half our meals are planned. The other half I just cook whatever I can be asked cooking whatever I can make

yeah there you go nice Danielle Danielle Crichton very close to Michael Crichton author of Jurassic Park

I don't know if it's Danielle's not close to Michael at all but she's like Danielle who's the other author that does Danielle Price does she do the

sexy slutty sexy books like Mills and Boone is that the author's name? Danielle? Steele. Danielle Steele. Steele. So she is two authors' names split up.

She's Danielle Steele and Michael Crichton. It's sort of an alluring story of Jurassic Park. I don't know any of these people. Start of the week. You don't know Michael Crichton? No. Didn't he write ER? No, I just

I didn't watch ER Move on Don't look like I watch ER Nobody cares about your boomer authors Yeah Michael Crichton, he is dead He died in 2008 Oh, well, RIP

He wrote Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Dragon Teeth, Prey, Timelife, The Andromeda Strain I don't know any of these other than Jurassic Park Sphere I think he wrote one about the abyss too,eda Strain I don't know any of these other than Jurassic Park Spear I think you wrote one about The Abyss too I read that We don't care Westworld

The TV show He wrote the book Cool Cool man You couldn't go past a Crichton book for a theatrical remake Cool man

So cool man Thanks for telling us these amazing things Baby I'm here with some Michael Crichton Oh, I'm here with some Michael Brighton things. Oh, shit. I'm just soaking this up, eh? Yeah.

I'm just loving this. I'm going to hit you with some Danielle Steele titles now. Oh, man. Oh, don't start. I reckon now's a great time to move on. Danielle Steele is a 76-year-old author. She wrote Happiness, the second act, a novel, Without a Trace, The Wedding Planner, The Ball of the Side. L.A.B.

Yeah. Next on the show, I've turned his mic off. Next on the show. If you don't know what to get someone for Christmas here's the three questions you need to ask. Is it a Michael Crichton novel? That's what I'm getting for. Play. Christmas is approaching.

There's always that person who's a bit difficult to buy for. You don't know what you're going to get. Someone has shared the three questions from an expert gift giver, she calls herself. The three questions you should ask to try to figure it out. I'm going to ask you both. Try them on us.

Try them on us. And then I'm going to pick a gift. Okay. Yeah. Morning, Vaughan. Hi. Hey. Hey, buddy. I just wanted to ask you, like, what is for you, what is your passion for next year?

What? Well, like, next year, what is your passion? What a weird question. No, I'm just, like, catching up with my pal. What's your passion for next year? You've never shown any interest in my passion. I mean, if you were, I'll just say if you were a true friend, you would already know Vaughan's passion. Road cycling. Vaud's passion.

Road cycling. Interesting. Road cycling, yeah. Do you have any new focuses like right now at the moment? Road cycling. Road cycling. Again, I'm just, it's my passion already, but it's my new thing. I feel like you joke, but you can-

I was talking, my group of mates, we're all like, just over 40, and we're all like, who's going to be the first to seriously get into road cycling? I feel like your dad did it. I feel like you loved road cycling. And you did like borrowing my bicycle. In lockdown, I borrowed your bike and I said I must buy one of those

but I've never had, because you want to get a good one, I've just never had that amount of cash sitting there to be like, I'm going to buy a bike with two and a half thousand dollars. You've got good roads around you for a cycle.

Oh yeah. Dodgy though. You say that, dodgy. Rural roads, people fly around corners and such. You've found this passion. Look at that. You've just for a cycle. Oh yeah. Dodgy though. You say that dodgy. Rural roads. People fly around corners and such. You've found this passion. Look at that.

You've just sparked the conversation. Well my third question to you is when are you your happiest? When I'm road cycling. I think I'm going to buy him a bike.

Jesus. I was just expecting that. What is your passion for? A pair of Lycra shorts. Maybe you need some Lycra shorts. Oh my god. Could you please

buy me one? Are you a small hon? Because I got small. It's better to go smaller with Lycra shorts. Keep my God, could you please buy more? Are you a small hon? Because I got small. It's better to go smaller with Lycra shorts. Keep it all in. Yeah, yeah. Word to the wise,

if you're buying Lycra shorts, always size down. Size down. Just so everybody else can see. Everyone can see. I want to see the absolute shape and size of your whole junk. Yeah, that's what I don't want.

Yeah, right. Well, I got a small hon. Merry Christmas. You could probably use some padding. Yes. Fletch, what is your passion for next year? I don't want. Yeah, right. Well, I got a small hon. Merry Christmas. You could probably use some padding. Yes. Fletch, what is your passion for next year? I don't have any. Have I got a deal for you?

Road cycling. I already cycle. What do you want to get into next year? What are you excited about next year? You stick to bikeways though, like a real puss. You're beginning into your hiking. I've always been into hiking. But okay, let's just say hiking.

Okay, so what is your focus at the moment? Kilimanjaro. Kilimanjaro. No way. I know someone been into hiking. But okay, let's just say hiking. Okay, so what is your focus at the moment? Kilimanjaro. Kilimanjaro. Jeez Louise. I know someone that did that. They got altitude sickness very badly. Oh, really? Really.

When are you your happiest? When I'm on top of a mountain. Wow, I'm going to get him a mountain. Thank you. I don't know where you buy a mountain from. I'm going to buy him the title for Mount Kilimanjaro. That'd be lovely. So I'm getting you a bike.

How much are these bikes? How much was your bike? Quite expensive, eh? No, my bike was like $800. Was it? Yeah. So I'm going to spend, let's say, about $1,000. I'll get a better one because you don't want to be on a subpar bike.

I'll get a $1,000 bike for you. Okay, yeah. I'll buy you a Mount Kilimanjaro. These questions are great. That seems fair. This is fantastic. It does seem a little obvious, though. Like, if it's three, four weeks away from Christmas,

and you're like, what are your passions and what are your hobbies? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's a bit like you're kind of, if someone was asking me that before Christmas, I'd be like, okay, this is. I almost think you could ask yourself those questions on their behalf. Because as you say, if you're close enough to be buying them a present, you should probably know what they've been talking about lately.

And if you are just like, I have been ignoring them for months, don't buy them a present. Some kind of water blaster head, because you love water blasting. I do love water blasting. I'd buy you another pig. I don't want another pig. The amount of people that tag me in more animals to adopt, being like, spawn, do it.

I'm like, I'm at max animals. Also, these animals Bring you nothing You're not gonna eat them Purely ornamental They're just eating you Out of house and home No the pigs don't even lay eggs

Do you know what I mean They're totally useless Don't say it like some pigs do Oh Vaughn's pigs are useless They don't even lay eggs You need to get one of those One of them egg laying pigs Egg laying pigs

God pig eggs would be huge Oh man Like do you want Do you want to scramble Do you want to come to my house For some scramble Do you reckon there'd be bacon I think pig eggs would be huge. Oh, man. Do you want to scramble? Do you want to come to my house for some scramble? Do you reckon there'd be bacon? I think pig eggs would be gross.

Imagine if pig eggs were solid bacon. Yuck. Like a bacon. Like a scotch egg. They laid scotch eggs. Yeah, they laid scotch eggs. But not crumbed. You had to crumb the scotch eggs. It'd be weird if they laid a crumbed egg.

Like already fried. Yeah. In the fat of their bowels. It's got ears. Ooh. And hair. And a snout. Little hairs on it.

Like, you know when you get a bit of pork belly and it's got a nipple on it? And you're like, ugh. And then you flick it for a bit. I don't think it's too much. I've changed my answer. I'm not going to get you a bike. I'm going to get you a bloody egg-laying pig.

Thank you very much. Jennifer Garner did one of those what's in your handbag situations in a magazine and she had so many bags of nuts. Just looking because this has sprung on me in all seriousness and I was just making sure there wasn't a really gross, snotty hanky in there. Okay, because we have

decided to spring this on you, Hayley Sproul. Well, it's not my handbag, because remember I'm accusing people of stealing that. That's my work tote. Yeah. Leather, country road. Second hand. It was like 10 bucks.

Yeah. Jesus. That was like $10. Nazareth. Okay, now on, I think, do we empty it onto the table? Oh, no, you can't. You cannot. You know what?

We are going to. Because it needs this. Have you got bits of juice? No, it's bad crumbs. It is crumbs. So many crumbs. Oh, no. Let's clear a space.

Turn that microphone on and listen to listen. Oh, no. As this is an audio medium to the shambles that's about to tumble out of here. This is Hayley's tote bag. You can hear the crumbs Oh wow Well If this doesn't just sum it up

Yuck It's bad That's really bad There's so many toothpicks There's more Bobby pin Mentos wrapper Is there anything in that

No, those are in my handbag My other handbag Just a nail file My cheeky minty stick Master chef stickers Don't take photos Shannon Get out of here I went to all that effort to get you the New World stickers.

And then you're like, I'm not doing it anymore. I know. I got everything I needed. But celebrities that do this, like Jennifer Garner recently, they know this is coming. Yeah, and so they curate this bag and be like, I just carry around this incredible thing that I'm a partner for. It's this great hand cream.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They work in a product placement. You happen to have it. Whereas you did not know that we were going to do this to you. So Bourne Smith will cross over to you now. What is it, Hades?

Yes, thank you. I'm at what I'm calling ground zero. This is a notice of a court fine. Oh no, I've paid that. I've paid that. That one we were talking about yesterday. Throw it out.

Let's throw that out then. Oh yeah, can we get a New Zealand lolly wrapper? That can be thrown out. I don't remember the last time I was on a flight. You've got, what is this? Oh, that's inositol. That's a polycystic ovarian syndrome supplement.

Do you need that? That hasn't expired yet, so we'll keep that. I've got a wrapped up chapstick there. Oh, that's a tampon. That looks like a chapstick. I don't know why there's a tampon in there. I don't use tampons. So that's just for a friend.

Mentos wrapper, I'll put that in the bin. Tin foil seal off what I can only assume is personal lubricant. What's that? That looks like a chewed on nail. That's my wallet. There's your purse. You get to keep that. That's stacked.

What's this? This is some pills. Anti-histamines. Yeah, okay. Am I allowed to unwrap this paper? Permission? Yeah, permission. I don't know what it is.

That is a prescription. Oh my God, Hayley. Why haven't you got- Those are antibiotics. They haven't got yet. And you're like every morning, I'm so sick. I feel like I've got an infection. Do you want to keep that or are you done?

No, because you've got to go get an x-ray. I'll keep that. Oh yeah, that's an x-ray. Did you go get the x-ray yesterday? No. Jesus Christ. You need- Something's wrong with my knee.

Yeah, something's wrong with your knee. That's what that's... Yeah. Another loose tampon. It's been in there so long. Those tampons will be covered in crumbs. Girls, if you get your period, don't come to me. Those are crummy tamps.

No, no, they're in the seal. Oh, I opened one yesterday. Oh, no, no, no. You threw it at me. One Derma-Aid hydrocortisone. Take the Inspiring Day. Two Derma-Aid hydrocortisone. Two Derma-Aid hydrocortisone. Three Derma-Aid hydrocortisone.

God, you're a rashy mess, eh? Karen Walker sunglasses. Yeah. And then a cheap pair that I chuck in there. A cheap pair of sunglasses. Everybody needs a cheap pair of sunglasses. There's a lot of dust. Air plugs. Yeah, air plugs.

Air plugs. But all the caps are loose. Actually, nothing. Yeah, air plugs. Air plugs. But all the caps are loose. Actually, nothing. They're very dusty. Is that a miso? Is that a miso soup packet? Is there a miso in there? That's a miso paste.

That's one paste packet of miso soup. That's still good. A lot of MasterChef stickers. Bobby Pin. If anyone wants MasterChef tickets, hit me up. I think it's over now. What are these things? Toothpicks.

Those little toothbrushes, you know, the little brush ones. It's not too bad for me, though. Well, that wasn't too bad because it's got a thing on it. Some of them could be used, so don't, yeah. The ones with the caps on can stay, but I'm a real Marie Kondo here. You've got pretty much half a chemist's warehouse in your bag. You've got a mini USB charger. I don't have anything that needs that.

Okay, so that can go. Okay. You've got another mini USB charger. I don't have anything that needs that. Okay, so that can go. Okay. You've got another mini USB charger. Weird. For someone with nothing that charges off a mini USB, you've got two of those. Yeah, I've got my phone charger because I didn't charge my phone. There's a comb attached to it.

There's a fast charger. Nothing too bad. Not too bad. That's my happy pills there. That's my anxiety medication. I might pop one of those After you've brought out My handbag Or bloody national

I will allow Those two National radio That's the toothpick Toothpick packet That can be Oh those are the hangover pills We got sent

That did nothing the other day They didn't work They didn't I don't think anything Oh don't look at that I'm hiding that from Aaron That's a That's a dress

Yeah That doesn't have the price on it though Oh that Okay well that's all right, then. What's this receipt? Oh, shoot. What's the receipt for? The receipt is for...

That's for your shoes, your new shoes. Oh, yeah. They're hiding that as well. So chuck that out. Yeah. What's that other receipt for? You want to chuck that receipt out? This is a Resene receipt.

Oh, yeah. I bought some paintbrushes. I've come off pretty all right, actually. I think you've come off all right there, yeah. Three canisters of hydrocortisone, some hangover pills, anxiety medication, chapstick and tamps. And really sums you up.

Dust, dust, dust, crumbs, crumbs, crumbs. Crumbs galore. And the instruction booklet of how to insert the tampons, just in case I forget. After 20 years. Oh, God. Learn from it. This is the cutest little video of a partner doing,

he learnt how to do gel nails for his girlfriend. Now gel nails, you have no idea. Gel nails are like more complicated. Right. How? You've got to prep the nail. Okay. Step one.

Then you've got to file the nail. Step two. Yep. Part of prep. It's really part of the prep. I'll just keep that as one step, actually. Okay. Prep the nail. Okay.

Then you've got to put a base coat on. Step two. An undercoat. Then you've got to cure it. In that machine. In the little blue machine. Okay. Then you've got to take that out.

You've probably put another base coat. Then you put a cure in the machine. Then you've got to do a out. You've probably put another base coat. Then you put a cure in the machine. Then you've got to do a couple of coats at least, curing each time. Oh my god, no wonder you walk past those stores in the mall and everyone's high as a kite. Honestly. You just walk past the door and you're just like, I leave and I'm like, who did my nails

man? What a ride. But, you know, it was costing too much and we're in a cosy living cry. Yeah. So he learnt how to do the nails for her. The boyfriend did? And living cry. Yeah. So he learned how to do the nails for her. The boyfriend did? Yeah, he learned how to do something just for her. So did she have the machine, the nail machine, those are cheap to buy? Yeah, you can buy them.

Karwin's got one. I've borrowed it before. She does her own gels. Oh, my God. Yeah, she's really hustling. How much does one of those cost to buy? Just AliExpress or something? To be fair, yes.

I got mine from Amazon. And honestly, the whole kit with a bunch of polishes and stuff is probably like $ something? To be fair, yes. I got mine from Amazon and honestly the whole kit with a bunch of polishes and stuff is probably like $100 and something. Oh, okay. That's more expensive than I was expecting. No, but like an appointment at the nail salon like $70, $60, $70. Yeah, right. So you're saving money. This is actually saving. This is not

girl mass. You're actually saving. This is just saving money. This is just actually saving money. It's actually saving money. You don't have to do it twice and you do yours like once a week or once every two weeks? Yeah, every two to three weeks. So you's actually saving money. You don't have to do it twice. And you do yours like once a week or once every two weeks? Yeah, every two to three weeks. So you can do gels yourself. You don't need a boyfriend to do it. Yeah, but it's hard.

Because then you get your cat hand, right? I'm left-handed. Right hand gets done. It's nice. Then you get your cat hand. You do the other one. It looks like a child did it. Yeah.

But I think that's really cute that the boyfriend learnt something specifically. I don't know if Aaron's learnt to do something specifically for me. Shut his mouth. Well, he has been working tirelessly building your trampoline. Oh yeah, building houses. He's actually learnt a ton for me.

Wow, I actually just forgot about that. What has Margaret learnt for you, Fletch? Oh yeah, Margaret's back on the scene. Are? Oh, yeah, Margaret's back on the scene. Are we willing to say that Margaret's back on the scene? We are hard relaunching. My fictitious girlfriend is back on the scene. If you keep calling her fictitious, she's going to disappear again. She went out and she realised that she had it better at home.

The grass wasn't greener for Margaret. She wanted a summer romance. No, I haven't learned anything for Margaret. For Margaret. I mean, we did go to that... She told me you learned a thing or two over the break. Well, we did go to that Thai cooking class together. Oh, yeah, and you learned how to make her a pad thai

because she loves pad thai. She loves a chicken pad thai out of Margaret. When we broke up, my fictitious girlfriend, you called her a basic bitch. Yeah, because she only ever ate stir-fried rice. But I thought that she was out of your life and that's why I was like, yeah, that bitch. Yeah, but now that we've all done that, eh?

When someone breaks up with someone, you're like, yeah, that guy sucked. I know. And then they get back two weeks later, and you're like, well, I'm glad I told you what I thought. I like Margaret, even though she won't touch a green curry. Do you know what I mean? She's a wuss with spice. She's a wuss with spice.

I mean, she doesn't exist, but okay, why she won't eat a red duck curry, I don't know, but it's lovely that you've learned how to make a pad tie for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even she's like, leave out the spring onions, too spicy. You know, the spring onions get up into the back of my nose. Yeah, yeah. It's literally just noodles

and chicken. She is. Have you learned anything for Sade? I don't know. Surely, but I don't know. Yeah, you can't think of it. I know. Well, maybe I think we should get some calls in from our listeners. Okay. Maybe Margaret will ring up and tell us a couple of things.

You know, because it's hard to think of what you've learned. Yeah. But maybe she'll be able to tell us. The thing you've specifically learned to do for someone. You know, like. Could a boyfriend or a husband have to learn to do the hair? Yeah. Like braiding or something?

Yeah, or maybe you learn to wax your boy's back sack and crap. You know, maybe you had to do that because he was too embarrassed to go to the salon. So you, the partner, learn how to do a wax with a hard beak. I don't know if I trust someone to wax me. It's not something you... Who waxes your horn? Oh, no, Margaret can do it.

I've got to stop hitting on you now that Margaret's back is... Margaret's back. You've kind of got to back off a little bit. She doesn't exist. We've got a bit of back off a little bit. She doesn't exist. We've got a bit of a flirtatious relationship. She doesn't exist. Okay, 0800-DARLS-IT-M. Let's take your calls right now.

Did you just break up with Margaret on air? You didn't text. I expected better of you. That's harsh. Yeah, that's one step worse than texting a breakup. I'm going to text Margaret and be like, oh my God, you're not going to believe it. Just breaking up with her.

Want to know this morning what you've learned for your partner. Maybe a special skill like the man who learned how to do his partner's gel nails. Which, I mean, he's creating a world of work for himself

forever more. Yeah, but maybe he finds a passion in it and he becomes one of those people that does those really incredible like art nails.

Or this is his like love language acts of service. Gel nails. Gel nails. Are your words of affirmation gift giving quality time or gel nails? So we want to know this morning what you or your partner

has learned. Kerry, what's your partner learned? My husband has actually learned how to wax my legs. Oh! Using strips or hard wax? No strips because I got so fed up with paying sort of exorbitant prices at the beauty therapist.

So I went down to the old chemist's warehouse, got myself some strips, gave him a little tutorial, and left him to it. And he did a great job. You hit the bikini line with those strips, Kerry? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is a rash way to happen. You don't want to grab it, right? No, no, no. Surely we're. That is a rash waiting to happen. On this one. No, no, no.

Surely we're not shaving the bikini line anymore, though. No, we don't shave it, but you've got to use hard wax on the bikini line. It's a coarser hair than the leg. Right, gotcha, gotcha. Does he do a good job? You've taught him well? He did a really good job, and in fact, I don't think I'll go back to the beauty therapist for that particular thing.

And a lovely bonding thing. I think it's got his name all over it. Yeah, there was a high element of truck, to be sure. But no, he did a really good job, I suppose. This is great. Good for him. Kerry, thank you. Lisa, you've also got your husband on the beauty therapy routines.

Yep, pretty much. So what does he do? He plucks my eyebrows for me. Oh, wow. With the little tweezers. And does an incredible job too. Does he? Eyebrows are a shambles at the moment.

Has he got any space for me? Has he got a 1230 for me? Probably. So does he use tweezers? Yes, he does, yeah. I thought he might have done the threading. Got onto the threading. Yeah, the threading.

The threading's amazing. I've had threading done once. and I wasn't really a fan, but I think it was the person I went to, but that's another story. Oh, the threading hurts to high hell, yeah. Did he initially copy the shape of the brow and just pull out the regrowers, or did he shape the brow as well? Does the man... Well, I kind of had to shape them because I'm useless.

I'm not a girly girl. I was just like, I don't know, just take the monol... Wow. I would like to see some before and afters if that would be all right. He sounds like he knows what he's doing. Lisa, thank you.

Keep your texts coming in. So many will get to... My husband learned to wax also so he can do my foof and my pits. My foof is so intimate. Phil's Beauty Boutique review, two out of ten. Two. Sounds like he might have caught a side flower.

You don't want to catch a flat. Oh, we've all been there. We are discussing the thing that you learnt for a partner or a partner learnt for you. There's a guy who learnt how to do gel nails for his midi and he does a bloody good job of it apparently. Kurt, your partner learnt something for you. There's a guy who learnt how to do gel nails for his midi, and he does a bloody good job of it, apparently. Kurt, your partner learnt something for you.

Yeah, so my amazing girlfriend jumped on the bandwagon and became a Waz fan. Out the Waz. Out the Waz. Surprised me by researching who were playing, the positions of the opposition team,

the players' names, and the rules of the game. Wow. That's dedication. Did she know all the hot ones, all the names of the hot ones? Who's the big fella that I like? Oh, you had a few of them you liked. I just like any big fella, to be fair, Kurt. I just like big fellas.

Kurt, are you a big fella? Why am I flirting with Kurt now? What's happening? So did she have a good understanding? I'm sorry, I'm retaking. Oh, I know who you're actually talking about. Oh, yeah, that's right. It was yours.

And now is she like a genuine fan now? I think you were chance, weren't you, at the back? And I'll just take any of them. I bloody love the way I love them all. So is she an authentic fan now? Like she's into it on her own sort of, you know, regard? Like she actually into it? Yeah, absolutely.

She gets to the start of the week, she'll be like, oh, we're looking at going to the game this weekend. She brought her own season membership for this year as well. Got a flag in her jersey. Does she yell at the ref? Wow. She probably does yell at the ref. Probably knows the rules, yeah.

Kurt, thank you. Lisa, what did you or your husband learn? So me and my partner have been together about 10 years now. And when we first got together, I told my partner that my mother was deaf. And he really wanted to learn some sign language just to be able to introduce himself and sort of ask how she was and things. So he learned some basic sign language and since he's continued just to learn a few basic signs

so he can sort of ask as he is. Learning a language for someone because learning a language learning any language is hard. I have a friend who learned Turkish for his girlfriend. He fell in love with a Turkish woman. Learned Turkish. It's so hard to learn as an adult.

In sign language, I imagine, would be impossible. Yeah, I mean, he's definitely not fluent, but my mum just really appreciates the effort, you know? That's so cool. Love that. Kepa? Yeah, definitely. Lisa, thank you.

Some messages in. My husband learnt to tint eyelashes. Oh, my God. That's hard and dangerous. Well, you're right near the eye, aren't you? Right near the eyeball. Right near the eye. My partner learnt to tint eyelashes. Oh, my God. That's hard and dangerous. Well, you're right near the eye, aren't you? Right near the eyeball. Right near the eye. My partner learnt to braid my hair after I hurt my shoulder

and have now had surgery. My nine-year-old son has learnt to do up a bra, too, as I'm still not able to do that after my shoulder up. Yeah, right. Strap mum in, son. Isn't there classes for dads to learn how to do hair? Because why is the mum always doing the hair? Because you've got hair.

There's the classes you can do where dads learn how to braid and French plait and do bows and all sorts of cool styles. Because I was going to say, if you're just putting on a ponytail, you just put the hair tie on a vacuum and you suck up the hair and you just roll it off the vacuum. That's a shabby ponytail. It's really loose. It's a really bad ponytail. It's really a loose ponytail. It's really loose. It's a really bad ponytail. It's really a loose ponytail. I had to learn to care for indoor plants because my partner is obsessed and spends... Indoor plants because my partner is obsessed and spends

thousands of dollars on his indoor jungle. His indoor jungle. Yeah, right. My wife has always really been into choirs. She's also a composer and writes choral music. I thought I should probably get involved in this world and I auditioned for a choir and I got in.

I performed my first solo in the choir on Saturday. Oh my God, that's amazing. Must be lucky to have a set of pipes on you. Yeah, because imagine if you were bad and then you did that. Oh, holy night. You're like off on night. All good, all good, as you were.

Play. Zed-N's Fletch for the nightly. Play. Zed-N were Paul Russell, Lil Boo, Thang On ZM Fletchbourne and Hayley Can we get that one more time? Can we get the time of that song one more time please? I refuse to say it Because it is spout T-H-A-N-G

Yeah, it's Lil Thang Lil Boo Thang Because you don't want to be Lil Boo Thang That song, 10 minutes past 8 on ZM That's Paul Russell with his song Lil Boo Fang cause you don't want to be in a little boo thing that song 10 minutes past 8 on Zed-Eb that's Paul Russell with his song Lil Boo Fang

yeah it doesn't sound right when a white person says it does it I believe I think it's really you tried I think no finer person

to say it than a white male north of 40 Lil Boo Fang you've got really good but you're not throwing yourself at it I will just not

say it from now on remember how you do better at high jump at school when you just throwing yourself at it. I will just not say it from now on. Remember how you do better at high jump at school when you just throw yourself at it. Lil Boothang. I don't know. I don't know. Lil Boothang.

Yeah. That is Paul Russell. Lil Boothang. Anyway, moving on. Lil Boothang. Moving on. And here's Taylor Swift, Shake It Off. Yesterday, it was glorious actually.

What did I do before that? I went to the gym with you. And then, oh my God, I got to the gym and she was like, I went to the Casey Clinic yesterday and I got a face seal done. And she said, do you want us to do something about your redness? And I said, no, I don't have redness generally. That was the guy. Did you tell everybody what you did after our class? Are you going to tell everybody?

I sat on the toilet for 15 minutes to recover. She sat in the gym toilet for 15 minutes. That's okay. But you weren't doing anything. You were just sitting there. I was on my phone. No, it was like a big fast bit of everything class. Yeah, I just sat there like,

I had blood in the lungs. You know when you get your workout and then you got that like metal taste in your mouth? No good. Anyway, after that I had a shower to do them a favour, but they always make me really hot. And I went and I got a facial yesterday. It was incredible. I got a little neck

massage. Oh yeah, good stuff. A little decolletage rub. I could do that. All that, but it's sucky, scrapey, so good. And then they put all these products on you, and I was like, I'm feeling radiant. Yeah. And I left there, and I looked in the mirror,

and I was like, holy hell. Glowing. You were glowing. Literally glowing. The redness was gone. It was just pure radiance for me. And I was looking in the mirror like, holy heck. You were radiating.

I think you were radiating. I was a radiator. Yeah. Like a hot red. Hot red, boiling hot radiator. Yeah. And then I drove home. I kept catching myself in the mirror like, holy moly.

Who's that? Yeah, I know. Then me and Aaron went to the storage unit to get our chairs. And I said, have you looked at me? And he said, honestly, Han, you're radiant. You're luminous. He actually did say to me, I've been noticing how good you've been looking for the last two weeks.

Isn't that nice? But then you had to drag it out of him. So now he's the bad guy. Yeah. And then I said, what was I, a dog two weeks before that? Yeah. I was waiting for that. This is like.

So I don't generally look good. If I'm in the shower or if we're going out and I'm having a thought and then my first thought is when I get out of the shower I'm going to share this thought with Sade.

Now the first words out of my mouth are have you ever thought about like what a dog does when we're not here? Like whereabouts are they going? Yeah. If I say that...

It's like where do the birds at night go? Yeah. Those are the first words out of my mouth not like oh my God you look nice. Yeah. You're in trouble. I'm birds at night go? Yeah. Those are the first words out of my mouth, not like, oh my god, you look nice. Yeah, you're in trouble. I'm in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, you are in trouble. Anyway, then

I went to the supermarket. Where do birds go at night? They can't all have nests. They do. They all have nests. No, they don't. They do. They all have nests. How many nests are you seeing around? Yeah, it's impossible for them to all have nests. I was cutting a tree down yesterday. Three birds' nests fell out.

What? You... Wow, so there are three homeless families tonight. I'm a property developer. Okay, right. I'm a property developer. No, the family's not homeless because the eggs were broken.

This is deforestation. We're going to have to get them in an emergency motel now. That better not be a Ketadu nest. Ketadu's so fat. Imagine that. You'd be cancelled. They are back.

I told you yesterday they're back. You're with three in one tree. Yeah, they're eating the plums. That was so good fun. You should see these dudes eat a plum. But I think maybe some have to fly around. They can't all have nests. It's not possible.

No, unless they're nocturnal birds, they're all tucked up. Going like this. You're not telling me that nocturnal birds are all hopping into a nest during the day. That's rubbish. And then hogs and trees. It's rubbish.

That is just not true. Too many birds and not enough nests. They've got a housing crisis. They've got a nesting crisis. Well, no, the problem is because of the red tape involved in building a nest. You used to just be able to build a nest for your family, but now, of course,

you're just tangled up with council red tape. There's also a lot of immigration. The birds just fly in here and we've got way too many for all the nests. I wonder if they've got a new government who've promised to build a whole bunch of houses within the first few months. Yeah. For the birds just fly in here and we've got way too many for all the nests. I wonder if they've got a new government who've promised to build a whole bunch of houses within the first few months for the birds. They need that. Anyway.

To build nests. And this is a side thought. I'm going to look when I come to work tomorrow, I just look for where the birds are. You know those trees? The trees, you and I drive past them and you'd scooter past them outside TVNZ's head office. You listen to the noise that come out of that tree. You tell me that that's not laden with nests.

Okay, I'm going to shake it tomorrow morning, see if I can wake them up. No, don't, because in the nest you're both killing young baby birds. No, it's just waking them up to see if they're in there. Someone just texted in, where do hedgehogs go? I mean, this is a bigger question. Into the hedge, duh. This is a bigger question that we need to answer. Under the hedge.

Yeah, under the hedge. Duh. Because there are a lot of hedges. There's more hedges than hedgehogs. And you see the hedges. We don't see the nests. There'd be more hedges for us if they weren't hogging them all. That's good.

That's good from you. I'm just saying. I liked that. I liked that. Share them. Yeah. Yeah, there's only nests for new babies. Yeah, I know. That's where they go to

put the eggs and nest there until the eggs come out. They're not pregnant all the time. Do you think they just sit on the tree? And they're just like... Sleep time. They'll fall. Yeah, you'd think so. You know when you're off and you're like... Yeah, and you fall off the branch. I don't know. Okay, well anyway.

Someone said we should all go get checked for ADHD. We have been distracted. Where do birds sleep? Where do porcupines go? I've never seen a porcupine in my life. Ducks will just straight up go to sleep floating. Yeah, they do. They'll tuck their head back.

Oh, that's brilliant. Those are what I feel. Yeah, they do. They tuck their head back. Herons and egrets sleep standing in the water or on land. Can we have bird week? We should have bird week for Fact of the Day. We do bird week.

Oh, we'll do another one? But what if you're a duck and you're asleep and there's a waterfall? You would float down. Wake up! Wake up, duck! Wake up! It's coming! And then he gets there and he forgets that he can also fly.

Yeah. And then he's like, whoa, no, I'm good. Off the waterfall, super cool launch. They don't fly great ducks, do they? Ducks fly beautifully. I'm thinking of chickens. I'm thinking of chickens. Chickens can glide.

Yeah. But that's because they're a land bird. But ducks fly. Famously, they migrate. I think we'll return to this at a later point during the week because there are questions that need answers and the people demanding it. I got a facial.

Oh. Then I went, we got the chairs. I said to Aaron, how radiant do I look? Do you think if a duck got a facial, it would include the beak? No, that's part of the lips. I didn't get my lips done. I didn't get a lip rub.

That would also be a polish. Wait, so you're saying the entire bill is a lip? Yeah. No. That's also be a polish. Wait, so you're saying the entire bill is a lip? Yeah. No. That's what they call duck lips. That's a shape thing. People get that all the time. They call it duck lips because the duck's lips are big.

If I was going to get a duck a facial, I'd probably concentrate a bit more on the bill because I reckon you could get a good shine off it. But it would be a polish. Yeah, you'd polish it. It'd be a polish, not a facial. It'd be a polish. Is a facial not just a polish?

Yeah, I suppose it is a bit of a polish. I was looking polished. Yeah. And I was looking so polished that after we went to the storage unit. I was looking polished. How does someone look Polish? Careful. Oh, no, polished.

Yeah. Polished. It's my Kiwi accent. Right. You're still getting used to it. You're in the store. You're looking radiant. I'm in the storage unit.

Then we go to the supermarket to pick up a bottle of bubbles because we're celebrating our neighbours selling it at their house. I got ID'd. Now, if that's not a testament to the quality of my facial. You got ID'd? I got ID'd. It's been a hot minute as well. I used to get ID'd a lot.

Shad, I got ID'd the other day. Yeah. She was so stoked. And I said, do you want to see my ID? And the woman laughed. You know when you're at the self-serve checkout, they don't even look at you, they just put the code in. Yeah.

They just like. Yeah, they know. Sorry, you you, they just put the code in. They just like... Yeah, they know. Sorry, you've probably got bingo to get to. Someone said birds sleep half a brain at a time. No, you think of dolphins. That's not right. Dolphins. Next on the show, Christmas what?

How many days? 16? No. I've got my countdown. 25. 25. 25 days and 15 hours away. You have a warning for parents, Vaughn.

I do. That little boo thing. 25 days and 15 hours away from Christmas. And I think it's reflecting in our mood. Prepare for the next three weeks. We're being very silly. Three weeks, two and a half. Spring's almost done.

Yeah, so December 1st will be officially the start of summer, although we're getting a cold snap this weekend, aren't we? We better arrive. We cannot not have another summer. Well, the South Island did, remember. Just not the North Island. Oh, that's right. Christchurch was like, it's barmy down here. We're going crazy on those North Westers.

We're underwater. Yeah. Christchurch was just like, ah, the North West! Everyone was like, it's barmy down here. They were going crazy on those Northwesters. Oh, we're underwater. Yeah. Christchurch was just like, ah, the Northwester. Everyone's like, it's making everybody else crazy. Not me, though. Not me. I'm not crazy. And my toilet roll holder. No, you're not crazy.

Have some more toilet paper. Thank you, I will. That sort of Northwester. Now, Christmas is coming. All right. I've got a little warning here for parents. Now, you don't need to That sort of Northwester. Now Christmas is coming. All right. I've got a little warning here for parents. Now you don't need to tune out. Not the warning.

No, no, no. You don't need to tune out if you've got children. But I will tell you this, and then don't let your children have your phone until you have enacted this. Oh. Back in my day, your parents bought your presents

and hid them in the wardrobe or in the ceiling space or they had their own little hidey space. My parents would dig a hole and bury them somewhere in the garden. And then they'd give you a spade on Christmas Day and told you to get busy. I've been busy for the day. And then the board games would be all soggy and have dirt on them. Yeah, missing bits.

And they'd say, well, that's the life of being a pirate. Now drink your rum and shut your gob hole. So you'd hide them. You wouldn't know. They'd put the receipts somewhere. You'd be like, hee! You'd have to shake the presents. I used to write lists for my parents.

Yeah. Like, this is what I would like. Mercedes. The latest Mercedes, please. Yeah, it's Cartier bracelet, please. Daddy. So, Sade, the other day the girls grabbed her phone and picked it up and opened up Google Crime to Google something

and she had five tabs open of things she was looking to buy them for Christmas. Oh, no. Not like in the cart. Why do you let your kids on your phone? Like, they've got an iPad. Because my phone's not the bloody cesspool of pirates that yours is. If they were like, if your phone was sitting there and they were like, could we use Fletcher's phone for something?

Absolutely not. I'd be like, do not touch that. Absolutely not. Do not touch that. It's like a child saying, can I play with this nuclear weapon? Even just some of our group chats I could read, like that would be bad enough. Oh, dear.

That would be illuminating. I don't think they're at all interested in reading the group chat. Not yet. Not yet, they're not. I'm just going into my, you know, like, open websites. I'd be all right. I'd be all right. Would you?

Would you? I'm still going up. I'm not looking up anything sketchy. I know, I know. No, but sometimes it's just weird stuff. Yeah. Like, who's this I've Googled? Mr. Asia.

The drug guy. Yeah. Interesting. Just seeing what he The drug guy. Interesting. Just seeing what he was up to. So yeah, Shadow had all the, and then they went like, opened the tabs

to see all the tabs and she has presents. No, they hadn't been purchased, but they were like things she was looking up where they were, what branches had them

and everything like that. Spoiler alert. So then they, I would have kept my trap shut if I was them. But then they were like, oh, we've seen what you're getting us

for Christmas. And Shadow's like, well, I like Oh we've seen what you're getting us For Christmas And Shado's like Well I hadn't purchased it And now you're not getting it You should turn the tables And just buy them a big bag of spuds That'll teach them And that'll teach them

And a peeler And a peeler And a peeler No not a peeler Gotta get a peeler No they've gotta earn their peeler Peelers for your birthday Peelers for your birthday

Until then We'll be scrubbing the potatoes Oh yeah Or you have to get a scrubber You can't be a jacket potato Jacket potato Peelers for your birthday. Until then, we'll be scrubbing the potatoes. Oh, yeah. You can't be the jacket potato. Jacket potato? Yeah, like leave the skin on the potato. I'm a skin off. I know.

I don't want to hear it. I am Maori, but I am also predominantly Pakeha. She's a little boo thing over there. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's blood week at fact of the day. Oh yeah. And today's fact of the day about blood is that mosquitoes have a favourite flavour.

Oh, salt and vinegar. Sour cream and chives. I'd be sour cream and chives for sure. You'd be ready salted. No. No, he wouldn't. Blood type's ready salted. It's really, I think Vaughan would be ready salted.

That's actually really mean. That's really mean. I don't think I've ever said something to you and you've had that amount of hurt in your eyes. I've said some truly awful things to you. We roast each other. And you call your friends blood type, and he's like, no. Oh, no, please, no.

No. Only because you know how much I hate ready-soldered chips. Do you know what you are? You're a chicken. Oh, yeah, you are a chicken. I am not. Oh, my God, you're the hurt in your eyes. I am not. The hurt in your eyes. I am not.

The hurt in your eyes. I'm not. I'm not. I just wounded his poor little heart. Yeah. You're chicken. You're chicken-flavored chicken. I'm a Doritos double salsa.

You wish you were a Doritos double salsa. I wish I was a Doritos, but I grabbed the wrong bag. I'm just a plantelstitos. Oh. No, it's you, Hayley Sproul. Oh. Oh. You're O, I type O.

Yeah, O posse. I don't know my blood type. Is that a thing I should know? Because I feel like one day I'm going to be on the bottom of a ravine and the rescue helicopter people are going to be like, what's your blood type? And I'm like, I don't know. Well, I can give you my blood because my blood goes to everyone.

I've got the good stuff. Oh, no, I don't. I think I got that wrong. It goes to a lot of people. Yeah, O posse. I'm O posse. I've got the good stuff. Oh, no, I don't. I think I got that wrong. It goes to a lot of people. Yeah, O-Paws. I'm O-Paws. The O's are good. Okay, that's a good one.

But do you know what? I'm just logging into my blood app. I'm logging into my blood app. I don't have a blood app. I don't have the password. Oh, yeah. I can't remember the password. Because you were in London.

Yeah, I've got mad cow disease. And all those tattoos. And those tattoos, yeah. Yeah, I've forgotten my password too. And you know I get drunk and I dabble. Yeah, you dabble. Got the things they don't know about me and they're still happy to take my blood.

We'll take it. And you're like, are you sure? Are you really sure? What have you been up to? So how they found this out was they had mosquitoes in a repurposed fish tank. Okay. Filled with mosquitoes.

You've probably seen like whenever there's a, this is how well-oiled mosquito repellent works. Yes. And they put their hand into, like, a repurposed fish tank. Oh, yeah. Littered with mosquitoes.

And it makes me feel queasy. Yeah. Knowing that those mosquitoes, so many little mosquitoes' noses are going into arms. Especially, because have you seen the close-up of when

they drill into you? That big snouty drill. It's like, whoo! Are you an impact driver or just your regular... It's just a regular drill. Yuck. So they... But, this is the next thing,

the mosquitoes that were in the repurposed fish tank had had their suckers amputated. So they couldn't even... They ripped their snouts off. Which even, I've got no time tank had had their suckers amputated. So they couldn't even. Aw. They ripped their snouts off. They ripped their snouts off. Which even, I've got no time for mosquitoes.

I squash them and when they're full of blood, I'm like, whose blood is that? And sometimes I imagine it must be an animal's blood that's now smeared all over my mirror or window. They had them, they cut off their. Oh, that feels so wrong. Cut off their suckers so they couldn't, but it's still like the mosquitoes were landing. And so they did it on all the different blood types. And O blood type was the most popular.

You're right. Too many chips. Too many charitas. Too many tostitas. Too many chicken bloody chips. So they landed on the O type arms the most. Because I don't get bitten. I'll get like one bite a summer.

Aaron gets eaten. I get mauled. It's your pale feet though, because I can see the blood through the... It's like a landing strip. Eat me, eat me. It's like a landing strip. Yeah, yeah.

We'll get those dogs in the sun this summer, hon. I got the dogs out at the weekend. Yeah. Yeah, I have been working on a bit of a dog's tan. Yeah. They are very white dogs. Yeah, right. But yeah, I'm getting them out there.

We love. So today's fact of the day for Blood Week is mosquitoes apparently prefer people with the blood group O. And just a little word, because I logged in, O plus is in high demand if you want to donate blood. They need it. O positive, if you're like me, I'm booking in. Donate blood.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. My favourite feature, I think, that we do. It's always fact of the day. Top six? One of my ones? No, it's not. Hayley's version? Because they actually take a lot of effort.

Absolutely get stuff done. Oh yeah, Hayley's version is one of my favourite features. Suck it Vaughan, yours didn't get. Wow. How often do those happen? Every day? True. Has that been happening for 10 years?

True, fair. And actually, last week when you weren't here, you were on a Disney cruise and we had to do the top six. In fact, the day was hard, eh? It was hard. This is the thing about being

the sexy wheelbarrow. Unappreciated until he's not there to carry your load. Yeah. We did we Manitou, didn't we? Oh, we did scream into the ether Vaughan who quite a lot. Yeah, barely.

Vaughan who. So the impossible phone and topic. They were going to send a helicopter to get me off the boat to get back here to save me. I said, no, I'm on holiday. Now, we've got a topic that we think is so impossible, we're not going to get any calls. Now, this one, I think is going to be hard because do we have quicksand in New Zealand? Yes, we do. This is why it's in the news.

Why? I thought it was only in America. Down at Milf Beach. Milford. Milford. Now, I have no. You why it's in the news. Why? I thought it was only in America. Down at Milf Beach. Milford. Milford. No, I have no... You call it Milf for shorts. I don't think you do.

They don't. Is that Milfy? No, they don't. They don't say that. You're going to go down and hit Milfy. No. Don't hit Milfy. No.

Well, there was a woman, Vanessa Bray. She was walking on Milf Beach. Oh, now I'm doing it. Yeah, it was. Milford Beach in Auckland, on the North Shore. It's like House of Traveler Milford. Their short code for House of Traveler Milford was Hot Milf.. Oh, now I'm doing it. Yeah, it was. Milford Beach in Auckland on the North Shore. It's like House of Travel in Milford. Their short code for House of Travel in Milford was Hot Milf. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

House of Travel, Hot Milf, Milf, Milf. I need to pop off to Hot Milf and go to Europe for summer. You were booking a lot of your holidays for quite a while at Hot Milf. Hot Milf. Yeah, hotmilf.com. She was going for a walk. Don't go there expecting a good travel deal. She was going for a walk on Milford Beach in Auckland on the North Shore

and she was just walking along the sand as you do. Yeah. Quicksand. Got stuck. Now when you get stuck, what is the thing? Are you meant to panic? Panic. Panic. Panic. Kick the legs. Kick the legs. Kick everything ferociously. Now you're trying to float on your back. You float on your back.

Yeah, you lean backwards, right? Yeah. You don't, but your initial response will be, kick the legs, I'm panicking. Yeah, spread out, but don't wiggle. Don't wiggle the legs because it's just going to go deeper, deeper, deeper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So luckily, she thought her shoe got stuck, and then she went in with another shoe.

Now she's sinking in quicksand. Uh-oh. How deep did it get? This feels like... Also, was she in a muddy, like a swamp? No, it's just where the tide's been. Really? Yeah.

And she's throwing, like, there's a video she took. Oh my God, it's right by the sea. And then she's throwing rocks and the sand is going blop and just eating them. Eating up the rocks. And she got stuck in there. And luckily, as a teenager, for some reason, she had been taught how to get out of it. Out of quicksand? I haven't been taught that.

She might have grown up near Milf Beach. We've done a fact of the day about why quicksand. Do you remember this story? No. It's referring back to another one of your favourite segments on the show, Fact of the Day. Why quicksand was so not at all. Not after chicken blood blood and now it is

chicken chip blood you got chicken blood doesn't look like it does it's because the first ever movie that wasn't shot on a movie lot

was shot in a place and they jumped out of a boat to do a reshoot and someone jumped straight into quicksand and sunk

so all of these like one of the first things caught on film outside of a studio was someone dying in quicksand. Oh, amazing.

And it was this like, holy moly. Oh, he died? And that was horrendous. He died. Oh, sorry. Two people died, I believe. Like really early film. So then it got shown around.

This is terrifying. And people were like, it is so haunting. We've got to replicate it for film. So film started doing a lot of things about quicksand. Never ending story. I trade you! Fletch doesn't know what we're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about.

Let's take some calls. This pace. This is a monster, right? The minute you said never ending story, I just saw him just be like, I don't know what you're talking about. I can almost stomach that you haven't seen Titanic, but you, sir,

having not seen- It's made up nonsense. Atreyu. There's a horse, Atreyu, and he's in the quicksand. And he goes under. And it's wild, because I think they actually drowned a horse. They did it. They drowned the horse. Did they drown a horse in real life? They put he's in the quicksand. And he goes under. And it's wild because I think they actually drowned a horse.

They did it. They drowned the horse. Did they drown a horse in real life? They put the horse in the quicksand. It's none of its CGI. Right. So it was the 80s, baby. Yeah.

They were afraid to drown a horse. Yeah. So I'll 800 DARS at him. This is our impossible phone-in topic. Have you been stuck in quicksand? Yes. We want to hear this morning. Obviously, you got out if you're calling.

Yeah. And you didn't if you're calling. Yeah. And you didn't get sucked in like the horse. Are we accepting stories? You actually have tears in your eyes. I do. Are we accepting stories of people that get stuck in a mudflap? Or that's it. I was about to say mudflap.

No flaps. No stories of the flaps. Have you been stuck in a mudflap quicksand? I mean, it kind of is the same thing. Artax is the horse. Atreia is the boy. Yes. I knew when we were horse Atreyu is the boy yes I knew when we were

yelling Atreyu yes yes yes you need to see this no I don't he's waving he's saying get back on topic I simply won't

it's a movie you can't drop in Atreyu 0800 dials at M I'm turning your microphone off you've lost microphone privileges

0800 dials at M is the number you can text through 9696 it's our impossible phone and topic. Tell us your story. If this happened, have you been stuck in quicksand?

So, it's the impossible phone and topic and you know what? It is not impossible. Regan. Regan, good morning. You got stuck in quicksand. I have, yes. Several times, actually, but one real bad one. Why are you hanging out with

quicksand all the time? I work in swamps. I'm a mozzie man. Sorry. Sorry, what? What? A mozzie? Do you... You would have loved back to the day before Fletcher's favourite scene we do on the show because we talk about mosquitoes liking

our blood. That's right, yes. So what do you mean you're a mosquito man? Do you kill them? That's my job. You spray them? No, no, no. We're looking for ones that might come from overseas and spread disease. So we're doing surveillance at the moment.

Dingy fever. Dingy fever. I have a dingy fever. Dude, may I call you dude? Zika. What if it happened to Zika virus? Zika's been around for a long time. It's like having bad conjunctivitis. It's only if you're a pregnant woman that you're worried about Zika.? Zika's been around for a long time. It's like having bad conjunctivitis.

It's only if you're a pregnant woman that you're worried about Zika. Right, right. But there's none of it here. The three of us are all good, I think. I would say so. So you're hanging out in swamps all the time and obviously you get stuck in quicksand. So do you go back and spread out and then you don't panic?

Is that how you do it? You do panic, but yeah, you've got to spread out. So I was up to about my waist at one stage, low tide, Kaipara Harbour, and yeah, just went forward, which is nasty, in the mud and then just sort of crawl your way out, crawl out, yeah. You've got to crawl out?

Like, barely, like you're in the army under a net. Yeah, well, I was in the army, so that's how you had to do it. I was thinking if you said this. Have you killed people? No. I just want to have my own chat with Regan. You won't even ask him that.

He won't even kill mosquitoes. He checks them for viruses. I've never killed anyone, but you probably shouldn't ask soldiers if they're people. No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so. Okay, I didn't know. You're learning. Now I know.

You're learning. You should never ask. We're peacekeepers. So obviously you survived. Can I have one more question? We're a peacekeeper force. We're learning. Yeah, we're peacekeepers. So obviously you survived. Can I have one more question? Have you done a grenade? Have you fired a grenade? Yeah, I've thrown grenades.

What's the time? How far do you have to throw them? Yeah, how far do you? You throw it as far as you can. But yeah, you want to get down behind the wall before it goes off. They've got three seconds usually. I'm really sweaty in the palm quite a bit.

You're slipping by your foot. I've got a good arm, but I'm worried that I'd drop that thing. Wow. They've got a special sort of bay design, so if you drop it, the sergeant who's with you can grab you behind a wall and hopefully not die. But accidents do happen occasionally, unfortunately. Jesus.

Goodness me. And now you're hunting mosquitoes. What, you're a fascinating man. Are we caller of the week? Oh my God, are you having fun? I think we should call her of the week because you're so fascinating. He could do with a McCafe coffee.

Now, caller of the week, you've won a $50 McCafe voucher thanks to our mates at McCafe. Well done. Yeah, absolutely. Great, thank you very much. Nice, all right. Keep your texts coming in.

We've got a few to get through. I was going to ask him what's the best fly spray or bug repellent. Oh, do you have an answer for that one? Oh, no, he's gone. He's getting his voucher. He's getting his voucher. We're assigning vouchers. Sounds like a mosquito lover, to be honest.

Checks them up for viruses and then lets them go again. I don't know. Yeah. I'm all about squashing them. We'll get next to more of your texts when you've been stuck in quicksand. It's not impossible. Today's impossible phone-in topic, have you ever been stuck in quicksand?

It's in the news because it happened to a woman at an Auckland beach. Yeah. She got stuck at Milford Beach, Milk Beach. Milk Beach. In the quicksand. I know. I always thought it was like a movie thing or it was in America.

No, it's real. It does, yeah. It's just when it's lots of water in the sand. I know. I always thought it was like a movie thing or it was in America. No, it's real. It does, yeah. It's just when it's lots of water in the sand. Some messages in. So many. Somebody has literally, we were talking before about Never Ending Story completely lost on Fletch and Artax the horse. Yes. Sinks in the Swamp of Sadness.

Is that what it's called? Swamp of Sadness. And a trader's just like, you've got to try better. I mean, I would have taken the luck dragon. I would have flown Falco the luck dragon over that. It would even make you cry, Fletch. I don't think it would. And that is saying something. Someone was on their horse going down the beach,

and all of a sudden their horse stopped, and they were like, we're sinking. And they were stuck in quicksand. Oh, my God. On their horse. On their horse. Their own never-ending story. Their own never-ending story.

But they got out. It got up to the horse's belly, and the horse kind of like floated. And then the horse like struggled through but like walked out. Wow. You got yourself a good horse there. Yeah, good horse. A horse freak. I just watched the video of how they trained that horse to sink in the mud in the never-ending story.

They didn't kill a horse, by the way. It's urban legend. They trained it to not panic if it's about to sink in the mud. Guys, I know that we're having a lot of fun, but can I share kind of a harrowing message we've received? Yeah. My daughter lost her jandle in quicksand. Oh my god. Thoughts and prayers for that jandle?

Nothing worse than one jandle. Nothing worse. The only thing worse than two jandles is one jandle. I hate jandles. I don't jandle. You don't jandle? No, I slide. I don't like it between my toes. I slide. I burks now. I'm burks. Must be nice. Yeah, no, I can't. I can't. I don't jandal. You don't jandal? No, I slide. I don't like it between my toes. I slide. I burks now. I'm burks. Must be nice.

Yeah, no, I can't. I can't. I don't like the bit between my toes. Never have. Ever since I was a kid, I used to be like... A little pokey in between the toes there. I hate it. I hate it.

Somebody else said I got stuck in quicksand at Sumner Beach when I was 10. I was with my friend. We'd bike down to the beach. I was lucky there were other parents around actively supervising their kids because my parents were nowhere to be seen. Oh, gosh. And they dragged me out. This is building resilience.

Yeah. Aw. Hmm? Well, someone got their dog stuck in quicksand in Timaru in Caroline Bay. Oh, really? Yeah.

Someone did a message and saying, I sunk chest deep in a peat bog. We are not talking about peat bogs. No, please don't call for peat bogs. Please don't call. We've had so many calls of people saying, I got stuck in a peat bog. We did not. about Pete Boggs. No, please don't call for Pete Boggs. Please don't call. We've had so many calls of people saying,

I got stuck in a Pete Bogg. We did not. Wait for the Pete Bogg. Yes. Time and place. 0800 DALZ.M. When did you get stuck in a Pete Bogg? Pete Bogg. You'll hear it.

Not now. You'll hear the call. God, we're going to hear from some Irish callers, though. You know that place is riddled with Pete Boggs. Does it have a lot of Pete Boggs? Well, that's how they get their Pete, with smoking their whiskey. Oh, okay.

Right. A lot of Pete in the Pete Bogg. Okay. My partner was running lot of peat bogs? Well, that's how they get their peat for smoking their whiskey. Oh, okay. A lot of peat in the peat bog. Okay. My partner was running down the beach in Kaikoura, which is a beach that has sand

under little rocks. Yes, it does, yeah. There is a little river that he jumps over, and he jumped over it, and when he landed, he started sinking quite quickly.

He managed to grab a branch, which was there. Oh, my God. Just like in a movie, he said it went through his mind, this is how I'll die. He said there was a certain spot and he stood in that spot

and all the bigger rocks started sinking very fast. I was waiting in the car with the kids and he came back 20 minutes later than he usually does. And now every time he goes for a run, I've got to worry that he's going to get swallowed up by quicksand. Oh, my God. It's crazy. Oh, my God.

It's everywhere. I mean, it would have been great if we had some information on how to spot it and avoid it, but we're out of time, so just good luck out there. Good luck. This world is riddled with croissants. It is, cheers. And meatballs.

Each man for himself. Oh, another one in the bag. It's a Versace bag as well. If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates. You don't sound sincere there, boy. I'm just reading what's written here. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan

and Hayley.