ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 29th September 2023

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Vaughan's new Pets!  Silly Little Poll!  Hayley's Flight  Public Voms  The Great Kiwi Kettle Off!  Vaughans Hot, Hot Pot  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show Flesh Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Well, as you heard Sam mention, a lot of beaches closed because of stormwater sewerage in the Auckland Harbour. You're going to deal with this in the top six today on the show Vaughan. Yes, because Auckland famously loves a shut

beach or a beach not safe to swim in over summer. I've got the top six other reasons Auckland beaches will be shut this summer. God. Also, on the show today, we've all got our kettles in. We have a table full of kettles. This started yesterday. You said

you've got a new jug and it's really fast. Yeah, do you know what? Now that I'm here to walk the walk, I'm like shoot, it better be as fast as I thought. This is this fat bottomed girl. Now this fat bottomed girl, this belongs to Shannon, which I believe is a second hand find? Yeah, that's a Tony Street

hand me down. Oh, so I reckon it'll be nice. That'll be real nice. We just saw Tony Street in the lift. She's absolutely blown out her calf muscle. She can't even walk. She was hobbling along. Vaughn held the lift for her and we instantly regretted it.

Because she was hobbling. And there was that thing where she felt she had to hurry. Oh, right. We were like, well, don't hurry. And then she said she did it playing basketball, but it looked way more like a drive-by shooting. Yeah.

Way more like a drive-by shooting. So we're going to put your kettle to the test Old Hayley Sprout I've got the fastest kettle Yeah I reckon I do Look at that soft Oh wait We need to miss this

Hang on ready It softly opens Yeah That's why they call it soft And also Speaking of A bunch of Bubbling spouts

I had hot pot for dinner last night And my guts is You've got a bubbling spout Well you sort You sort out your bubbling spouts. I had hot pot for dinner last night and you've got a bubbling spout. Well you sought out your bubbling spout. We're going to do the great Kiwi kettle off after eight on the show this morning and see how fast Hayley's kettle is.

Coming up on the show, you've got a new pet. I've got two new pets. More mouths to feed on the farm. Add more to them. No, I got them because I had something to feed on the farm. Add more to them. No, I got them because I had something to feed them. Right. Okay.

But I've never had this animal before as a pet, so this is a first for me. Next on the show, though, absolute drama online. Oh. This is beefing. I'm really looking forward to seeing the resolution of this beef. Let's just scroll on the ground yesterday. Perusin.

This is wild. Must have been about four o'clock in the afternoon. And I see a post from the warehouse where everyone gets a bargain. Yep, correct. I think it's something like that. I don't know if that's sticking. So it had a picture of a box of Weet-Bix, which claims to be New Zealand's number one breakfast cereal.

But over that, it had a big crying face. Yeah. And I thought, that was enough for me to be like, that doesn't look like a way to sell a product. No. Caption reads, sanitarium have decided to cut off our Weet-Bix supply.

Sad crying face, and we need your help. We sell the 1.2 kg family pack for $6. JP, you take Countdown. Carwin, you take New World. Shannon, you take Pack and Save and tell me how much those guys are selling a 1.2 kilogram Weet-Bix for. Thank you very much.

Research on the fly. Do you want me to take Faroes? I could do Faroes or a more Wilsons. You do more Wilsons. Should I? I don't know if a Faroes do. I'll do a Borough organic food market. Just maybe to see how much a roasted muesli, toasted muesli is there. Nice.

Well, no, save you. I'm telling you, you're not getting 1.2 kgs for $6. With coconut flakes. Oh, you toasted coconut flakes. We sell the 1.2 kg family packs for $6. New World, $9.29.

Okay. Okay. Let's just keep that in mind. New World selling them for $9.29. Thank you, Colin. You win. Oh, no.

Jared might have got in first. No. New World, $9.29. Pack and save $7.79 and countdown, in first. No, New World, $9.29. Pack and Save, $7.79. And Countdown, $8.20. Currently on sale for $7. The warehouse was selling that same Weet-Bix product for $6 flat. Right.

Not on special, flat. And soon you'll have to go to the supermarket and pay more. Think that that's not okay? Us too. Sick of groceries costing too much? Us too. Share your thoughts to help us bring Weet-Bix back. Now, just as an alternative,

we could get a 400 gram of Pure Delish Crunchy Muesli with coconut flakes. That's going to be $14. Jesus. What's $14.99? Now, that's for 400 grams. So times that by three, we're looking at a $45 alternative.

Just for our bougie listeners and good morning to them. When you sent this post from the warehouse to the group chat, I was like... I know your thoughts on sanitarium. Church-owned property. If you're not familiar, it's a church-owned property. And they don't pay tax. Let's call it creative accounting that means they don't pay tax on profit.

They just don't have to pay tax. Yeah. I'm all for a little local church not paying tax. That's fine to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That runs things like, exactly. That runs things like meals on wheels, getting old people around, all of that. Absolutely.

And some churches do. I'll say it. The Lord's work. They do. I'll say it. The Lord's work. They do. But if they own a multi-million dollar business and they're not paying tax, and then obviously my guess is, and this is purely a guess, the warehouse buy so many Weet-Bix and sell them at next to zero profit as a price later to get you to come into the warehouse. And when you're in getting your Weet-Bix

you buy other stuff. That's how it works. This would 100% be what they call a loss leader. A loss leader. A loss leader. So that gets you into the store

even if they make no money on it you're like you say you're going to buy other stuff. You're not just going to get a Weet-Bix. So then do you think

the supermarkets have gone to a sanitarium and said it's not fair? Maybe. We buy more Weet-Bix off you than the warehouse does, and we'll stop selling them if you don't do something about this. They're selling them cheaper, and it's costing us a few thousand dollars in the scheme of our billion-dollar profits.

I love the comments on this post because everyone's laying into sanitarium, like, pay some tax. Pay some tax to churches. Oh, come on. It's very disappointing. This sums it up. Someone called Megan said this sums it up. I'll say it. She summed it up. It's so disappointing at a time where people

are struggling to put food on the table. It's especially stinking to take away a staple for so many from a retailer selling it at the lowest price. It needs to be more affordable sources for Kai, not less. Agree. I can't believe they posted it. I know.

They posted it. I was like, drama. And like no one in the news has picked this up yet. Yeah, they have. Have they? Have they? Oh, brilliant. It's all started happening.

Yeah. Okay, I'm here for this. It's all been picked up this morning. TVNZ have got stories on it. Stuff. Herald's been off. Good, good, good, good. We's all been picked up this morning. TVNZ have got stories on it. Stuff, Herald, spin-off. Good, good, good, good. We love a little public beef.

You know? I love watching this drama unfold. It's good stuff. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I've finally seen something on TikTok and done, not TikTok, Instagram reels. Old person TikTok. And been like, me, I'm doing it. And I did it.

You know I watch all those restoration videos and I'm like, did you fill in a hole with noodles and then plaster it over and paint it? Oh my God. No. Did you buff out a piece of furniture with a walnut? No. I've actually done two things I saw on TikTok. You've seen it.

I've seen it and I've done it. It's done. You've done it? I've done it. What have you done? Seen it. I seen it and I done it. It's done. You done it? I done it. You did it. What have you done? The first one was I used a car jack to get a post out of the ground. Have you seen that one? No. You know how it's so hard, like a wooden pole post, like a fence post is in the ground and it's really hard to get out of the ground.

You can use like machinery and stuff, but who's got machinery? How do you get under it to jack it? So what you do is you get another bit of wood and you put some screws through the bit of wood on the side and put it to the side of the post and then you put your car jack under that, but you've screwed on and crank, crank, crank, crank, crank, and it pops out.

You're so masculine sometimes. Yeah, I'm actually really horny now. Sade was very impressed with that one. She's like, there's no way this is going to work. The car jack's just going to sink into the ground. Wow. And thanks Instagram, Rils. Thanks Instagram, Rils.

Wow. I've removed three posts. Thanks Instagram Reels. Okay. I've removed three posts that were annoying me. Okay. And have been for five years, but I finally did something about it. So the other thing was this. What if I could do that with street lights? Yeah, because they do blast into your apartment.

They just blast in light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll give it a go. We'll come down here. I'll have a car jack. Yeah, good. Okay. We'll screw something into them.

Can't see anything wrong with this plan. Well, what's the second thing you did? The second thing was I followed this guy in America who owns this farm. Yeah. And he's like, I've finally done it. I finally got some goldfish. Oh, yeah. For my horse trough.

Oh, to keep it fresh. And this is what I remember when I was a kid. My granddad used to have this because he had horses. Yeah. And the goldfish just live in the trough and eat all the weed and stuff that grows the slime. And it means you don't have to clean out your trough. Because the goat's trough, my trough for the goats, I don't know. I think it's because it's under trees and stuff drops in off the trees and then it gets grimy. Well, your fish aren't going to eat the leaves, are they?

No, no, they won't eat the leaves. How do the goats not eat the fish when they're supping from the water trough? Well, the fish, it's quite a deep trough. It would be... Oh, must be nice. 40. Must be nice to have a deep one. Wow. I've got a shallow trough at my place. I don't want to brag. It's a deep trough. So, yeah, I went to

a pet store. Yeah. And there was really fancy goldfish. I was like, no, no, no. I want like a I want a bog standard. Like an emo? Did you get an emo? Quick up. Nah, because you've no no I want like a I want a bog standard like an emo did you get an emo quick up nah cause you gotta

eat their water I want a bog standard invasive species goldfish quick up yeah it's a fair way from a waterway

I'm back in the fact that they'll get eaten by birds before they slip slide out yeah you'll be alright you'll be alright but and the guy

was like oh yeah nah they're out here and took me out and he was like yeah this is the one you want and I was like what about that big one over there he's like that little one will become that, they're out here and took me out. And he was like, yeah, this is the one you want. And I was like, what about that big one over there?

He's like, that little one will become that big one. Yeah, they do. But I felt like a dick. I was like, oh, but I wanted a little bit of a big one. Like you were pointing to a cat and wanting to buy a kitten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about that one over there? Can I get a kitten but I want a big one?

Yeah, do you do big kittens? So he's like, yeah, that one will become that. And I was like, oh, wow, Jesus, that's going to get real big. So what did you do when you introduced him to the trough? Well, I also saw the guy, and I remember this just from other people who had fish, you have to acclimatise them to the pond. Yes, good.

This was a test, that was a trick question. Remember when you bought them as a kid, you put them in a bag, then you put the bag in the water. Yes, that's what I did. Yeah. In the trough, you put the bag in the water. Yes, that's what I did. In the trough, I put the bag in the trough. How long for? An hour. Is that not long enough?

It's a bog standard, mate. These aren't wussy. These are the same species that have invaded our waterways. They'll be fine. There's no stopping them. Yeah, no wimps. Okay, and then did you take them out of the bag and they're fine? They swam down to the bottom and that was the last I saw of them.

And then they floated to the top. It was so weird. I will be checking the trough. But also the chickens drink out of this trough. So I'm imagining if there is a dead one on the surface, the chickens will probably eat that. Oh, nice. Before I see it.

So I'll never know if they're still there. I don't want your fishy eggs. How many fish? Two. Oh, you need more, I reckon. For a start. Yeah, to start. No, but that's what the guy said. You don't put more in because...

No, because remember, they become big cats. Yeah, they do become big cats. You want them to just keep it at bay. You don't want to have to feed them. Right. Oh, yeah, of course. Because you don't want to have to go out there

and sprinkle some flakes. No, and he said it's no good because then they poop more and then you need to... Clean the tank, yeah. It defeats the purpose because then you need to clean the trough anyway. Look at you go.

I can't wait to meet your manky fish. Yeah, manky little... I wonder how... Are you going to name them? You have to. You name all your pets. Yeah, I know. No, I don't know.

Not yet. Fish fingers. If they survive... Fish and fingers. Fish and fingers. What's the sea lord and what's the other fish fingers breed? Blue bird? Tally's?

Do Tally's fish? I don't know if they've got a... I don't know. Do Tally's do a fish fingers brand? Blue Bird? Tally's? Do Tally's do Tally's fish? I don't know if they've got a, I don't know. Do Tally's do a fish fingers? Fish fingers. Fish fingers NZ. One moment, caller. Get some names. Sea Lord, we've got Shore Marina, Bird's Eye.

Bird's Eye. Bird's Eye and Sea Lord. That's what I'm calling it. Yeah, okay, I like that. Yeah. Good stuff. Top six is next. Speaking of polluted waterways.

Yep, I've got the top six other reasons Auckland beaches will be shut this summer. Currently shut because of a sinkhole that led to a whole lot of people from Parnell's Poos going in the water. Oh, Rich Poos. That's good. Rich Poos. Rich Poos. Oh, I might go for a swim.

Get some of that Rich rubbing off on me. That's disgusting. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM sink tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Sinkhole formed. Auckland sewer collapse. Beach closed.

I bullet pointed. Yeah. Bullet pointed the story I want to talk about. You've hit the main points there. Basically everything. Everything that falls in the Waitemata Harbour, don't swim in there. Oh, that's my house. Yeah, dude, you're at the end of it.

I'm coastal, aren't I? Yeah. According to the council. Yep, and they're incessant want for you to use stainless steel fixtures, even though that's severely overkill. And then, I mean, your classic narrow neck shut on the shore. Yeah, it's a poos everywhere.

Narrow neck's kind of always shut. Poos everywhere. I don't know if it could be blamed for the poos, but all the way out Mission Bay, you won't be able to get on your bicycle. Oh, you know, I love a beach in summer. Go for a bicycle out there. Yeah.

Goodness me. Part of an Auckland Central sewer line, 2.1 diameter. Rich people's poos. So 13 metres underground, so it's the last part of Auckland, and we're sort of collapsed poos. There's a massive sinkhole. So the top six today. The top six are other reasons, not sinkhole related,

that we'll see Auckland beaches closed this summer, as we love a closed beach. Okay. Number six on the list, Instagram shoot and you don't meet the aesthetic, my horn. Yeah, sorry, horn. Sorry, horn.

You don't meet it. We're doing a big shoot. Yeah. And it's all like sort of neutral. Hey, you take the photo. No, yeah, you can take the photo. Then I'll take a photo of you. I forgot.

Number five on the list of the top six other reasons Auckland beaches will be shut this summer are jellyfish. And they're not nearly as delicious as chocolatefish. Trust me. Yeah, they're not. Yeah. They'll sting you and they're hard to get in your mouth. Unless you're a stingray.

I like a jelly tip. Yeah. Love a jelly tip. And a chocolate fish. Just the tip of the jelly. The tip's the best bit. Yeah. Turkish Delights.

Yeah. Have you had those? Because you love Turkish Delights. Yeah. Have you had those? Because you love Turkish Delights. I do. It's that company that does their like drops. They're in like a cardboard box kind of thing. They're real yum. You'd love them.

Oh, yes, I have. Turkish Delights, yeah. I haven't. I've talked to them on Twitter. I've talked to you. It's Donovan's Turkish Delights. Oh, I guess Donovanans do good stuff, though. Yeah, they do.

I won't eat their Turkish Delights, but I'll eat everything else they've thrown out there. Number four on the list of the top six other reasons Auckland beaches will be shut this summer, a wild pack of Chihuahua Bichon Maltese Crosses. Yeah. They're roaming wild, and they're a very dangerous, dangerous dog, and they're also just doing poops everywhere. Aucklanders love those dogs. Oh, they love.

Be careful, any visitors. Stupid little crossbred mutt, don't they? Number three on the list of the top six other reasons Auckland beaches will be shut this summer. No Mr. Whippy will service the area. You might as well shut the beach. Yeah. If Mr. Whippy's not going to pull up at some stage throughout the day

and give us the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, then I'm done here. Oh. Number two on the list of the top six other reasons Auckland beaches will be shut this summer. A dangerous amount of rips in dudes' pants from all the lunges and squats and tight pants. Yeah, brah. Crossfit on the beach, brah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beach fitness, man.

Fitness is not just for indoor and gyms. It's outside. It's a lifestyle. Never quitness. Wow.. It's a lifestyle. Fitness, never quitness. Wow. We should start a gym. Fitness, never quitness. Yeah, cool.

Fitness. Fitness, never quitness. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six reasons Auckland beaches will be shut this summer. Serious game of backyard cricket underway. Shit's getting pretty wild. It started pretty casual, but some competitive dudes.

Someone stormed off. Very competitive. Someone threw a bat at somebody else. They ducked. One of my favourite things in summer at the beach is seeing people get hit by a rogue rugby ball or a tennis ball. It's so good. Especially like a chick's trying to play cool. She gets kicked with a soccer ball to the head.

Or a vortex mega howler because your hair is coming. Yeah. And you're like. Ow. Because I pointed like a missile. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley.

Play ZM. Do you know what's great? You said his album's out three weeks from today. And he said it's so good. It's so good. Yeah, it is. Two weeks today. Two weeks today. Two weeks today, yeah.

I love this. Now, Courtney Shields from the US, she's a, I guess, an influencer of sorts. Okay. A person who shares her life on the talk, and she has shared the three, quote, unquote, mean one-liners she uses to humble men, get under their skin, and make them obsessed with you. Her words. Wait, so she's negging guys, and make them obsessed with you. Her words. Wait, so she's negging guys and they are lapping it up.

Yeah. Now, I will say, it's not the only thing that's getting the guys. Oh, she's hot. Hot. Yeah, okay. Red hot. Actually, what are you, Vaughn? Yeah, not, yeah, I mean.

Yeah, heading in the direction. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. Like she's bougie looking. Is she British? US. Oh, US.

American. Oh, now. I don't know. Bit much. That puts me off. Really, bit much. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, the accent, you've got to be super hot for me to put up with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so here's what she uses. And she's sort of framed them to, she's like tailored them. Yeah, okay. Depending. Okay, so here's what she uses. And she's sort of framed them to, she's like tailored them. Yeah, okay. Depending on the people that she's on a date with.

You try the first one on Vaughn. Okay. So this is one that I'd use on a gym bra, right? You love the gym. I'm not a gym. I'm not a gym bra. No, you gym like almost every day.

So you're a gym bra. You're a gym bra. Just embrace it. So she says you gotta've got to use this on someone who's very athletic, looks like he cares about his appearance and is a bit sporty.

He cares about his parents. Mow him down. Make him feel like a piece of shit for her. So I would look at you on a date and then I'd look at your body and I'd be like,

you look like a big pickleball guy. Like a pickleball? Or table tennis. No, pickleball is more competitive No Pickleball is more competitive than that but not as competitive

as squash It's padded tennis basically what we always call padded tennis Yeah It's an embarrassing sport It's become huge in America It's huge in America

but it's silly But not one a guy who rates himself as a bit of a gym bra Gym bra like a muscly gym bra be like Do you play pickleball?

You look like you play pickleball Imagine He's like Oh my god Okay Absolutely throw me back with that one where I like a muscly gym bra. I'd be like, do you play pickleball? You look like you play pickleball. Imagine, he's like, oh my God. Okay. You've absolutely thrown me back with that one. And the next one,

she is tailored for the player. Now this is someone with a bit of, I might just throw this one to Fletch. Okay. Just, you know, just randomly,

I'll just go the player. It's my turn. It's your turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Best suited for someone with a reputation

of being a bit of a player. Yeah. If you want him to view you differently, you don't need to play hard to get. You need to actually be hard to get. Yeah. So I would say that you would be playing all your techniques, right, to try to get me because you're a player and you know how to get a woman into the sack. Does he what?

Does I what? Does I what? In the middle of him talking, you're doing all your tactics, just go, this is going to be very hard for you. Okay, challenge accepted. That's pretty good, hey?

That's pretty good, yeah. Yeah. She's like, you're just going to throw him because he's just so used to just getting what he wants. You mean, well, it's going to be hard for me. Getting what you want? Yeah, wow, okay.

Yeah. Now, the third one's for a tall guy. Now, if Aaron, it's going to be hard for me. Getting what you want? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Now, the third one's for a tall guy. Now, if Aaron was here, I would throw this to him. She said anyone over six foot. Two Vaughn, because Vaughn's what? Six two? Yeah. Okay.

Vaughn, back to you. And with his Timberlands on. Okay. Six three almost. Yeah. So, this is probably, I guess you'd have to do this maybe on a second date that we're having. She says, don't do this to someone short, because it's'd have to do this maybe on a second date that we're having. She says,

don't do this to someone short because it's just going to come out as rude and we're just trying to be playful for this. So you're clearly very tall and I'd say, I just remember you being a bit taller. That is really going to put a tall person in their place, isn't it?

She says that men drive themselves crazy with this because he's already like, I'm tall. That's one of my best features. Yeah. People are loving this. She's like playfully neg them and then that'll get them wanting you.

Yeah. And the girls are hopping on and saying, I use this. I used the height one last weekend. He was so offended. He took out his ID to confirm he's six foot tall. I suppose in America they've got their height on it. Yeah. Yeah. I used to do it've got their height on it. Yeah. Yeah.

I used to do it. But I do it to females, obviously. How do you do it? I remember your boobs being bigger. See how it doesn't feel good when it's coming back your way? See how it doesn't feel good? Also, my boobs have never been bigger. That's a lie.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley's silly little pose. That's a lie. Today's Silly Little Pole. I would like to pre-empt today's Silly Little Pole by wayilly Little Pole. Today's Silly Little Pole. I would like to preempt today's Silly Little Pole by we are not encouraging shoplifting. We don't want to hear that we've encouraged shoplifting. We are huge fans of the retail sector. Well, the thing is when people shoplift, it puts all of our prices up.

Yeah. And prices are already up. I don't know if you guys noticed. No one supports the retail sector quite like me. You are a champion. I am an absolute advocate. You are. But there is an article that's come out about the typical shoplifter.

This is from the UK. Yes. Middle-aged women are doing it for the thrill of it. Studies found more people than ever are committing petty theft because of the thrill of it. And we asked, be honest, have you? Yeah. 15% of people said yes.

85% said no. So that's good. An overwhelming majority saying no. Remember that time I was with you and you accidentally shoplifted an avocado? Well, it was one of those times you go into the supermarket and you're like, I don't need a basket. And then you get a bachelor's handbag,

a couple of rolls, a couple of bits and pieces. And then you're like, oh, avocado. Put that in the hoodie pocket. Full arms on the thing. Well, you didn't, put that in the hoodie pocket, full arms, on the thing. Well, didn't self-serve that day either, did I?

I can't remember. And then got out, was walking up. I've been looking over my shoulder ever since. Yeah, I know. Because you don't know when they're going to come for you. You don't want to hang out

with the bad sort. No. Statute of limitations. That's not a thing in New Zealand. Something for avocado theft. No. Let's hear from some people that have.

Okay. Vicky, I tried once at the supermarket as a teenager, but I was not subtle at all and got caught. That's the thing. When I'm going around the supermarket, I see people shoplifting, and I'm like, Jesus, like, be calm about it. Yeah.

It's all real, like, anxious, jaggedy, looking around, body language is all cooked. Yeah. But, yeah, not that I'm trying to teach them to be a better shoplifters. And I love going up to the information desk. Oh, you've narked, haven't you? Multiple times.

Hell, yeah, I would. Hi. They're like, hi. I'm like, that person over there's just rammed a steak up their skirt. Oh, God. Which one? The one walking funny. The one walking like she's got amed a steak up their skirt. Oh, God. Which one? I was like, the one walking, the one walking funny. The one walking like

she's got a pack of steak up her skirt. With the steak juice dribbling down her leg. Brianna said, I clicked no. Then I remembered I used to eat grapes around the supermarket

before checking out. And there was this one time in Australia where I decided I'd had enough grapes at that point. I actually went and put the rest back.

Oh, my God. That's a soft shop lift. No, that, yeah, that's naughty. Soft shop. Ham. When I was a kid, you'd get those free bread rolls at the supermarket. I'd hollow out the inside,

fill them up with pick and mix lollies, close it up and eat the lollies when I got home. Oh, you little shit. We had a rogue subclass thief amongst us. You'd just go up, scoop it in and shove it. Thumbing it into a bloody, oh my gosh. Do you think he dug out the bread and dumped it in a breadcrumbs, Hansel and Gretel situation around the supermarket,

or do you think he just compacted the bread? Oh, either would work. Either would work. But if you hollowed it out, you'd get a lot more lollies in there. You're totally in it, actually. You have a great idea. Like a Trojan bun. Emily said, I haven't yet, but I have

intrusive thoughts about it all the time. Just take it. You've got to say no to your intrusive thoughts. Pop it in your pocket. It's so weird. Isn't it a weird thrill? Yeah. You could go and do something free that's legal and thrilling, but you don't. You want to shoplift. It's bizarre.

Moana said, I'm 30 now, but when I was 14 I stole a $3 Shrek ornament from my local supermarket to see what it felt like. Well, it still eats me up 16 years later. Riddled with guilt. Listen to that. She's looking over her shoulder every day. I've never walked out of there so quickly

in my goddamn life thinking I was going to jail if I got caught. Scared me shitless. Never again. Safe to say my criminal days are well behind me. That's a lesson, isn't it? It's a learning. Yeah, it is. It is a learning lesson. Daniel said,

drunk Daniel steals things. Uh-oh. And then sober Daniel has to return them the next day. Oh, sober Daniel's going to get in trouble one day. Yeah, sober Daniel's going to get a punch in the face

meant for drunk Daniel. Embarrassing going back, though. Yeah. Hey, I stole Daniel. Does getting an online beauty loop one day Then going into the store the next day And getting a second beauty loop count as petty theft If so, guilty as charged

I don't understand, what is that? No, it doesn't What is that? Mecca Beauty, Mecca Cosmetica The more you're in these loops In every sort of season you get a box I've done this before Where they've sent me one online

And then I've gone into the store They're like, here's your beauty loop. And you're like, thank you. Got little freebies and samples. They haven't talked to each other quick enough. Yeah. Excuse me. Bless you, child.

That one really came from nowhere. That's the Szechuan pepper sauce. I'd be worried about you sneezing that hard, to be honest. I clenched so hard before the sneeze came out. So there you go. Fiona's stolen. Neve, who spells her name Nearm, said, I stole a capsicum the other day,

just wanted to make fajita pasta and was missing a capsicum, but no bloody way I was paying $5.50 for a capsicum. Not going to lie, it was a little bit thrilling and dinner was yummy. You can't take it, Neve. No, you've got to get the frozen capsicums. Get a massive pack for the cost of one single capsicum.

The frozen capsicums? Yeah, like little chopped up bits of capsicums. Oh, I love for like the cost of one single capsicum. They're frozen capsicums? Yeah, like little chopped up bits of capsicums. Oh, I love that. And it's the best thing. But she was making fajitas. Yeah, you put them in the mix and they go soggy and young. Sliced. Sliced.

Nah. For the fajita sizzling fajita, you've got to have fresh crunch. Well, porn, it's better than going to prison. Oh, yeah, I'm not saying what she did was right, but I'm also saying... So you stand by this thief? In solidarity. Wow. Only because you

In solidarity for $5.50 caskins. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Yummy, yummy, yummy In my tummy It's so rich and good Okay, we have chocolate news.

Yummy, yummy, a segment of the show where we take a look at new food products, new food items hitting the shelves, rumours. Well, have chocolate news. Yummy, yummy, a segment of the show where we take a look at new food products, new food items hitting the shelves, rumours. Well, hello, chocolate lovers. I just want to say, moments ago, Hayley said, your words are so much fun having no respect for yourself.

Is that what you said? I ate hot pot last night. First time in hot pot. Well overdid it. Have been to the toilet multiple times. Talk about that later in the show. We've just got cheese scones. Not Fletch, because about that later in the show. We've just got cheese scones, not Fletch because he's been a good boy. We've just got cheese scones.

And then when you said we're doing this yummy, yummy, and it's about chocolate, I said, where is this goddamn chocolate? Like, my whole system's collapsing, and I'm like, put more in. More in, more in, more in. There's a sinkhole in Parnell, and that is my guts, and I'm just trying to fill it with more sinkhole stuff. Yeah, wow. Sinkhole away, baby.

I'll be right by your side. Now, Whittaker's has done a, oh, no. What? It's been released early. Oh, no. It's a leak. Oh, my God. Someone's leaked this.

You guys heard about that? No. It is a new block. Whittaker's is that girl that always was like, I'm going to fail this exam. Whittaker's is that girl. What did you get? Yeah. Whittaker's is that girl.

I'm in hospital. Yeah. I'm not telling you why. It's like, what happened? It was like, I had an ingrown hair. Yeah. Oh, okay. No, but we love them.

God, they're delicious. We love them. So Whittaker's chocolate sent to market before it was officially meant to be, the company has said. Oh, they're delicious. We love them. So Whittaker's Chocolate sent to market before it was officially meant to be, the company has said. Oh, accidental. A shop in Australia spotted this. It is a candy cane block.

So this is a Whittaker's Chocolate block with peppermint candy cane pieces in their 33% cocoa cream milk chocolate. No, I'm not a candy, I'm not candy cane. I don't like hard. I'm candy cane. It's mint and it's hard bits in a chocolate. Yeah, nah, it's a no from me, dog. Because last year they did the gingerbread block

for the festive season. Oh, yum. This is their 2023 version. Oh, I'm just scrolling through this article with my boyfriend, Greg Grover from Nova. Is it an ad? Hello. Good placement.

So they said, while we had planned to keep this under wraps until closer to. Is it an ad? Hello. Yep. Good placement. So they said while we had planned to keep this under wraps until closer to Christmas, it's not possible anymore. Of course it's not. It's gone to market too early. So I'm going to buy that. I definitely have a little bit of that. And then in other chocolate news, we move away from chocolate lovers because we head

to the world of Mars. That's the company that does bounty. I think so, yeah. So we usually do, what's our one? Party Favourites. The Favourites. Cadbury Favourites. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

And then there's the other brand's version of it, which is Celebrations. Yes. Which is mostly in the UK, right? Yeah, we don't have it as much. It's got a little mini Malteser, a Snickers, rather than we've got a Morrow. Yes, we've got Morrow.

That's in the favorites, the Morrow. Yes, we've got Morrow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this has Mars and Snickers. Right, okay. You know? Yeah. And they've got the bounty.

And now a lot of people try to sign a petition to remove the bounty, saying that it's feral. So the bounty is to the celebration box what Turkish Delight or Cherry Ripe is to the favourites. I wouldn't hear a bad word about it. No, neither, because I love both of them. Yeah, but yes,

it's like most people are like, ew! So then, what they've done has released an all-bounty celebrations box. Oh, I would eat that. Where it's all just the mini bounties. I would love that. I love bounty bars. I like bounty bars if they're deep fried at the local fish and chip shop.

Do you remember those? No. You know how they used to, at our local, you had deep fried Mars bars? I remember deep fried Mars bars. But if you went next door to the dairy, you could buy any bar. My mum used to buy bounty bars. What's your BYO bars? Coconut BYO bars.

How much did they charge you to? Take it back. It was like a dollar or something to fry it. That's pretty good. Man, the 90s ruled, eh? Yeah, it was loose. Did you ever try a crunchy bar? That wouldn't work, eh?

I don't think that would be good because all the pokey would melt. Hey, just a suggestion. I mean, this is delicious. And then there's now a petition as well to bring back the dark bounty because they're removing it because it didn't really sell and everyone's like, no, it's delicious.

Didn't they do a cherry bounty for a while? I feel like that was a thing once. It's just cherry ripe, isn't it? Yeah, it's cherry ripe. Yeah. Well, I'm going to wrap my lips around this water because one day, for sure, because that sounds delicious.

Next on the show, scientists have recreated what they call the scariest noise in the world, the Aztec death whistle. Sounds like this. Ew. Ew. Yeah, it's a 41-year-old man making that noise. That's the scariest noise in the world. Ew.

That's what they put. You heard it. You heard it. And I'm as disgusted as you are when it came out of my mouth. We're going to play you this noise next. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vodden Haley. Well, the Aztec death whistle has been recreated with a-

Aztec corn chips made the natural way. What? When you said Aztec, was immediately Taking it the natural way They're in your store No you can't do that That's a 90s advertising That was for a brand of corn chip That took on CC's

Oh my god yes And the ad was Aztec corn chips Made the natural way And then a person I'm guessing a white voiceover artist Doing a Mexican voiceover They're in your store today.

That's right. That's right. Problematic. Problematic. So they found this Aztec death whistle in 1999. Now it was found in the hand of a headless skeleton during the excavation of an Aztec temple in Mexico City.

And at first they were like, oh, it's just a toy. And that's, it wasn't until later, 15 years later, for some reason, they just say for some reason, one of the scientists blew into the hole like a whistle. And that is when this noise came out, which they are calling the scariest sound in the world. Okay.

Now, apparently they would use this whistle to, when you throw someone to the gods. Sacrifice. Yeah, sacrifice. That was the word I was looking for. He says so casually like he does the most. Like he did last night. I believe you're talking about a blood sacrifice. Okay.

Yes. Into the volcano. I believe so. And then you'd give this little whistle or two. Okay. Yes. Into the volcano. I believe so. And then you'd give this little whistle or two. Yes. Great. Let's hear it. The god of wind.

Wow. So that's what they were sacrificing for, yeah. Okay. Are you ready? Now, you can't unhear this noise. It's terror. It's horrible. Wait, is it worse?

Because, you know, I find a very haunting noise. Not scary, but haunting. It is. It's haunting. The core. Yeah. The claw. Yeah, that rules. Okay, are you ready for the Aztec death whistle? Yeah.

Oh my God! Horrible, eh? Vaughn's walked out of the studio. Did that make Vaughn shit himself? Because I know he had the hot pot dinner last night with the spicy food. Oh my God, it felt like someone grabbed me. It felt like I was being touched.

One more time? No, thank you. One more time. Hang on, hang on. I'm in flight or flight. Look. Oh, my God. You know.

My nipples are in flight or flight. Wait, is that a whistle? Flea or flight or whatever it's called. I'll show you. I don't like it at all. It looks like an ornament that someone would have in their. I don't like it at all. It looks like an ornament someone would have in their backyard

with the water spouting out of its... Oh, no, no, cursed item. Cursed item. Cursed item. I want to hear it again. No, I don't. That was horrible. Far out.

I hate it. That is horrible. That's what I imagine hell sounds like. That is the sound. Constant. Oh, it's done something to my neck. Yeah, literally when you played it, it felt like I was being grabbed from behind. That's why I had to get out of here. Oh, it's done something to my neck. Yeah, literally when you played it, it felt like I was being grabbed from behind.

That's why I had to get out of here. Oh, my God. Apologies, listeners. Oh, no. Play some like Miley Cyrus or something. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. So here's the story.

I am off to Christchurch straight after the show. I'm performing two shows tonight at the Piano in Christchurch. Sold out. Sold out. So don't even bother trying to get there. The Piano. The Piano. It's an amazing venue.

It's like a concert hall. It's stunning. I'm really, really looking forward to it. Six and eight o'clock. I'm a hard worker. Wow, you're doing two shows back to back. I said to her back to back. Yeah.

Yeah, I know. Anyway, so Aaron's coming down with me because- Your fiance. My fiance. Because Aaron's brother and our sister-in-law and our nieces live down in Christchurch. We're like, well, we'll stay the night and then the next night we'll go stay with the gals and we'll hang out with the kids and come back on Sunday. So I booked Aaron a flight a while back and I got exit row seats, whatnot, da, da, da,

da, da. And then yesterday we had a really stressful day with the house things. And I said, God, I just need to get my head around getting to Christchurch tomorrow. So I started getting us all organized and I was packing my bags and I was like, well, I get two bags because I'm Kauru gold. Wow. What about old Jade over here? Lifetime Jade.

Forever Jade. Hi, guys. Hi. I've got to pay for every bag. I made a missed booking last weekend and turned on the charm because, you know, work pays for us to have Koru. Yes. So that means if I book one bag, I get a second bag for free.

Yes. Yeah. So I booked Sade and I tickets. However, I accidentally put the seat and bag under Sade's name. Oh, man. Why are you in charge of... This is what I said to that...

This is what I said to the lady at the airport. She's like, oh, you've only got one bag here. I was like, okay. Was she an old gal? This is what happens. Because they love you. They love me. I was like, this is what happens

when you let this guy in charge and then Sade rolls her eyes. And then I play the incompetent, bumbling husband that have made sitcoms. They love me. I was like, this is what happens when you let this guy in charge and then Sade rolls her eyes. And then I play the incompetent, bumbling husband that have made sitcoms. Which you are. Totally. Made sitcoms hit since the 80s and they were like, that's fine. We'll just work it out.

Oh, did they? And then on the way back, I did it with a guy. I was like, this is never going to work. And then it did. Oh, you're a bisexual flirter. Charmer. Bisexual charmer. He's a charmer.

He's a charming boy. Well, I was packing up my bags and then like I was trying to think about Aaron's stuff and Aaron always needs a bag because he's a big boy, you know. He's got big clothes. Big pants. Big pants, man. Big hoodies. And so I said to Aaron, I was like, did I book a bag on your flight?

And he was like, I don't know. And I said, well, can you look up the flight? Yeah. He said, did you email it to me? I said, I don't have anything. And I went through my email. I was like, for God's know. And I said, well, can you look up the flight? Yeah. He said, did you email it to me? I said, I don't have anything. And I went through my email. I was like, for God's sake, Aaron's not a tech guy. I was like, he never uses his airpoints.

It's not on his app. It's not there. And I was like, I sent it to you. So then I went back into my emails, couldn't find anything. He couldn't find anything. I was so frustrated. I just needed to know. So I got called in New Zealand.

Yeah. An hour and a half later, I was still on hold. I don't wait. I don't wait. I've got a busy brain. If you make me wait longer than 10 minutes, I start getting very frustrated. So an hour and a half later, I was stewing and I couldn't work it out. So then I was like, I just need to find this flight. Like, what if it doesn't exist? So I went through all of our bank accounts during the time in which I'd booked my flight, found my flights. Yeah.

Could not find his. Like, could not find it literally anywhere. And then I went through Aaron's bank accounts. No sign of it. Kept calling Air New Zealand. Yeah. Could not get hold of them. The flight doesn't exist.

I just didn't book Aaron a flight. You imagined booking him a flight? So we had a conversation. I've done this before though. You get through to the last thing and you're like, it's all done. Exit window. That's what would have happened. Because I paid extra for me to sit in exit row,

which I only would have done if I would have been sitting next to Aaron. But I'd done us on a separate booking because I wasn't sure if he was going to be able to make it. So somewhere there's some... Sorry, did you just say I'd done us on a separate booking? She did. I'd done us on a separate booking. What am I saying wrong there?

Wait, you went to a private school. You should know better than that. So I'd done us on a separate booking. No, she's off to Christchurch today. She might just be getting into the mood, you know? I'm dropping in. Dropping into character. Shots fired. Ret might just be getting into the mood, you know? I'm dropping in. Yeah. You're dropping in. I'm dropping into character. Shots fired.

Returning to the motherland. Wow, shots fired. Everybody, cancel your tickets to the show tonight. Anyway, here's the thing. I need Aaron to help me. I'm doing two shows on my own. He needs to help me pack in, set up the lights. He's worked in the theatre.

I need him there. The girls, our nieces, have been counting down with little link chains the days until we get there. No, it's really cute. They bloody love us. And then I was like, well, now we're going to disappoint them and you're not going to come. So I was like, look, we just have to book a flight.

I don't even know if the original flight actually exists or not because Air New Zealand wouldn't pick up the phone. People were messaging me on Instagram saying they'd waited four hours. I was like, mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. This is what happens when this would never have happened when Christopher Luxton was in charge. have happened when Christopher Luxton was in charge If Christopher Luxton was in charge He would have sorted this right out

But he's not anymore, he's trying to run the country So I was like, look, we just need to book new flights I was getting so stressed, it was not good So I hopped on Air New Zealand And I looked at them and I was like, oh, okay And I just paid for them and Aaron was like, did you book tickets? I said yes, he said, how much? He said $900 And that's all me.

What? $900. Did you check Jetstar? Like similar run. What? Look at that. Famously known for their leg room. The only thing that was going to make this all okay is that I can take Aaron,

my poor boyfriend, into the Kauru Lounge and he can enjoy a free glass of bubbles. I love seeing tall people waiting on those other seats. Tall people, especially at airports when they've decided to sit in a seat made for a child. Yeah, no, we just couldn't have it. So, look, see you tonight, Christchurch. Do you have some kind of Alzheimer's early onset

or something? 100%. I said to Aaron, I was like, hey, heads up, this is life. This is life with me. said to Aaron, I was like, hey, heads up, this is life. This is life with me. You're exhausted, I'm exhausted. Imagine what it's like for me. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Well, I've been trying to, as often as I can, given my lifestyle at the moment, get back to the gym with the help of my dear friend, Carl Peter Fletcher. And we've been going to, I would say, Les Mills' most intense class that they offer, a ceremony. It's like, it's almost CrossFit-y. It's high intensity. Yeah.

Moving around different stations and just blowing out for 45 minutes. Do you say hello to people that you see at the gym? Yeah. On a semi-regular basis? Yeah Do you say hello to people that you see at the gym? Yeah. On a semi-regular basis? Yeah. People say hello to Fletch. He goes so often that they're always like yelling at him in the class being like, yeah, Fletch.

They think he is Leslie Mills. No. Are you Leslie Mills? Leslie. Leslie. No, you got a shout out yesterday. Yeah, I did because I stopped for a bit and you said, move it, Hayley. See, that's what I don't like about gym classes.

That's what I pay for. Like, I love that. I can do it, but I don't like it. If I'm stopping for a break, it's because I need a break. No, they do it. It's playful. You're laughing with it. Don't tell me to keep going.

The instructor who we had yesterday, if you pause, he's all good, but you've got to dance a little bit. You've got to, like, keep moving to keep going. That's why in spin class, the trick was turning the bike right down to easy. Yeah, you can tell. And making it look like you're struggling. You've got to like keep moving to keep going. That's why in spin class the trick was turning the bike right down to easy and making it look like you're struggling. You can tell. Because your leg's like... Anyway, so during this, I'd say

about halfway through, Fletch and I are side by side on we'd just done the skis oh, we were doing these like lunges, right? And I got that feeling that I haven't had in years at the gym when you push yourself a bit hard and you are going to vomit. And you know where it's like your throat starts going.

You get that. You get that. Saliva. It starts coating the throat. Ready for the vomit. Ready for the vomit. And then. Isn't the human body amazing?

That it's like, stop. Yeah. And I started feeling really nauseous. So I just like paused for a moment. And that's when the lovely instructor was like, are you all right? And I was like, I'm good. And anyway, I made a little bit of a comeback.

And I... You finished. You finished the class. I finished the class. But it reminded me that Fletch and I are trying to get our mutual friend, Leon, to come and join this class. But he said he's too scared because I once dragged him to grit years ago and he threw up afterwards. And you nearly threw up yesterday.

I nearly threw up yesterday. I would be like, I'm surprised more people don't throw up at the gym. Well, that's what I want to know is when did you throw up at the gym? Because so many people do. Or just in public? Yeah, yeah. Or in public. Because not counting people having a

Yeah. People would have a chunny at school and it would just set off all the sympathy spewers which I was when I was a kid. That always happens on the inter-islander.

And it gets a bit rough. Okay, yeah, we'll go all of public then. But we're not doing drunk chunnies, eh? Oh no, get a grip. No, no, no, no. That just happens.

Grow up. Swallow it. Grow up, swallow it. Grow up, swallow it in the back of your head like the rest of us. Get it out and carry on. Yeah. But yeah, when did you throw up in public and why? And like how bad was it? Yeah.

I remember I threw up at my mum's work once after school because I had a whole bag of Bluebird chicken chips. That is a bad constitution. No, that's a teenager. How old were you? How weird chips are. And that's why I can't eat chips. You should have said teenager. How old were you? How weird chips are. That's why I can't eat chips. I was like high school.

Oh, you were a puss. You could have been a slammer bag as a teenage boy. No, I'm not a puss. I'm a slammer bag. No, I was just already. I think I had a tummy bug or something. Oh, here we go. Now come the excuses.

And I didn't get to the toilet in time. So it was in like the corridor. I was like, meh. Meh. Meh. Oh, meh. Meh. Meh. Oh, my God. That must be so horrible as a parent. Your kid's there.

You don't want them there. Everyone's like, oh, God, they brought their kid to work. And then he has a chunny on the floor. Yes. Oh, God. Oh, look, I can't help it. I'm still cute. Yeah, thank God.

Okay, so we want to take some calls. Maybe it was at the gym. Maybe it was an embarrassing. You pushed yourself too much. You pushed yourself too far running up a hill during a CrossFit. Yeah, when have you vomed in public? And we're not taking the drunk vom stories. We want the sober or sick vom.

Yes. Yes. Okay. Sorry, the messages are already coming in, and I was like, oh, that's right. When we do these gross photos, it's gross. Right now, though, Hayley, you came very close to bombing at the gym yesterday.

Very. It was touch and go. It was really touch and go. Some of these stories are gross and some of them make me so happy. This is the one that says about Rambo's end and it just sprayed. It's my dream to see someone spew on a ride.

So when did you bomb in public is what we want to know. Tash, where did this happen? Hi, I was on an airplane, which is not particularly uncommon. I get airsick. But I was feeling really unwell just as we were landing. And you know that the seatbelt sign was on. Yeah. And I tried to stand up, but the air hostess gave me the evil death stare.

And she was like, sit down, sit down. Oh, no, I'm about to tune. There is nothing discreet about vomiting, eh? Yeah, no. There's no way you can be like... Especially if you're like me, you're like... Even if you're by yourself, you're like... Help!

Anonymous, when did you vomit in public? Oh, sorry, my phone. I vomited when I was working part-time, this is going back a few years, at our local New World store. And I worked there too, which made it worse. And I'd come in from lunch, and I don't know why, I'd dunk in like a litre of Primo or Zapp or whatever.

You fool. You damn stupid fool. No way. What flavour? Milk challenge? What flavour? It was banana, wasn't it? No, it was chocolate.

Okay, yum. Yeah, and we had, you'd go through the shop and then there was the deli and then behind the deli was the butchery, and there were stairs up to go to the staff room. And I was running late, and I went up the stairs, and I just vomited, power vomit, everywhere. I went all over the stairs and just cascaded.

Cascaded! Cascaded, beautiful use of the word, very descriptive. Beautiful use of the word, cascaded. Poetic. Oh, so you stunk out a new world. Yeah, and it's drunk through that. And so you had to, there was a door out the back of the word cascaded. Poetic. Oh, so you stunk out a new world. Yeah, and it's drunk through that. And so you had to, there was a door out the back of the butchery and you opened that door, but it sort of walked through the shop.

It wasn't a new new world with all the window, you know, the glass and window. It was like a dark. This could have been you yesterday, Hayley. I know. So close. Stinking out the whole Les Mills. We want to know when you had a vom in public

because you came very close yesterday. So close. Literally like... That sounded like Jennifer Coolidge. Oh, no. I'm going to spill. Oh, no. This is reminding me, reading these texts,

that we're just all babies. We're just all dumb babies in these dumb bodies. We're big bags of meat. I said that to Shana last weekend when she was like, why'd you do that for us? I was like, I'm just a big dumb bag of meat. I am. You are.

Kirsty, when did you have a vom in public? On the jet boat in Queensland. Are you on the jet boat now? Jesus I just actually called a dispute actually You were on the shot over Yes Oh no, please tell me you were at the fax

No We It was when they did the last spin Right in front of the camera at the dock. Oh, yeah. Okay. Where did it go? Luckily, it went over the side. But we'd just had food burger for breakfast before we went on.

Oh, what a waste of food burger. It was the first time we'd ever had it, too. So it was quite... Yeah, great. So good. I guess you had to go again because you were empty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make room. I need a refurgin'. A ref were empty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make room.

I need a refurgan. A refurgan is what they call it. Refurgan your bourgans. Kirstie, thanks for your call. Some messages. So many. Okay, so these are some of my favourites. So many.

Somebody said, you know those people that wrap Christmas presents at the mall? Yeah. Oh. Hung over, wrapping presents. Oh, no. A little kid was eating something. I couldn't even tell you what it was. Very smelly. Vomited all over the Christmas presents. Oh, no. A little kid was eating something. I couldn't even tell you what it was. Very smelly.

Vomited all over the Christmas tree. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. Oh, my God. Somebody else said, I was really sick. I tried to call in sick to work. I worked on the checkouts. Yeah.

And they said, you've pulled this before. Get to work or you've lost your job. So I went in and, well, the joke was on them when I spewed on the conveyor belt. The conveyor belt just kept going and dragged the conveyor belt and the conveyor belt just kept going and dragged the spew all around the conveyor belt. You reckon the little bits of corn got stuck in the hole? You wedged it. Yeah, but didn't pile up enough to stop off the little sensor.

Yeah. Oh, no. My nana gave me food poisoning. I said, nana, I don't think this food's cooked. And she said, how dare you? And then the next morning took me to church where I projectile vomited exorcist styles all the way through the church.

Nana was so embarrassed she made me walk home. Nana was the one that gave you the food. They gave you the sick. Ruthless. Nana sounds like a bitch. Nana sounds like a crazy bitch. I was at Rambo's End. Here we go.

We've got our vomiting off the rides situation. I vomited off the side of the old rocking pirate ship. Oh, it does. It's not a bad ride, but it just gently gets you. It gets you. I'd had a frozen Fanta just before the ride, so it was just this foamy, cold, orange mess that was scattered on people. Stop it.

Don't say foamy. Don't say foamy when we're talking about this. I was playing rugby league after 15 minutes of constant running after no exercise for six months. I subbed myself off. I don't think you can do that. And then sat down on the side and spewed. Everyone thought I had a concussion.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Awed. Everyone thought I had a concussion. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Hello there and welcome to the Great Kiwi Kettle Off. Hey, look. I love this. You read these messages

that I've just got. Okay, so Vaughan has had a very angry message from his wife. Why the F have you taken the kettle? And I replied in capital letters, we're having a kettle race! And she sent a whole bunch of angry faces. So if you're listening, just chuck a pot on the stove. Yeah, tell her about putting a pot and some water in the pot.

That's going to blow her mind. I was going to say tell her to pop over to our house and ask Aaron, well, I've taken our kettle. No kettles at the pot. That's going to blow her mind. Yeah. I was going to say tell her to pop over to our house and ask Aaron for, I'll take it out, kettle. No kettles. Okay, so. No kettles at the house. Hayley had the audacity to come into work yesterday and say, I've got a fast kettle.

I've got a bloody nice, bloody expensive fast kettle. And then I was challenged to a kettle off and I accepted. People that have had a cup of tea or coffee at your house always, you allege, say you've got a fast kettle. Yeah. Yeah. And even because I'm not a huge kettle user, because we're at a coffee machine.

Yeah. Pause for applause. Whenever I boil it, I'm always like, yeah, that's pretty fast. Okay. Well, it's just a kettle. They're all the same. It's not all the same. They've got an element in them.

You press the button. Georgia, on an outside perspective, we've got six kettles on this table. Which one looks the flashiest? Because you don't know whose kettles who do, Georgia? I do know who. You do know whose kettles who. The two I like, I know whose they are. Okay. Well, whose do you like? It's a toss-up between you and Hayley.

Thank you. I've got a nice kettle too. I like Tony Street's Fat Bottom Girl here. Yeah, no, we've got a hand-me-down. Tony, so let me get this right. Shannon, because our producers have brought in their kettles. Shannon, this is a hand-me-down from one of New Zealand's favourite broadcasters, Tony Street. Yeah, about...

Radio villain, Tony Street. You used to work for Tony Street, but then she hit you, and the company... And then we adopted you as a rescue producer. And you've got a couple of bad habits, but we're being very patient. All our producers are rescue. We want everyone to know. We don't shop, we adopt.

Maybe about a week into working with her, so this was like three years ago, she's like, here you are, welcome to Coast, and gave me a kettle. I don't even recognise that brand. What is that? Morphe Richards. And I've never googled it which is weird

because when a rich person gives you something you always google how expensive it is. And I've never googled it. It's $200. Here's your kettle. It's $200.

Oh my lord. Your kettle is $10 more expensive than my was. You know when you're upgrading from a $200 kettle what kind of kettle are you buying? Yeah.

Well I wanted the Dolce & Gabbana Smeg one which is $1,700. $1,700? You didn't buy that one. I was told it wasn't allowed. So because you said, my kettle's so fast.

My kettle. We have all brought in our kettles and they are sitting on a table with each, exactly one litre has been placed into the kettles. The producers have worked hard on this behind the scenes. My prediction is that we're going to blow that wall. We've got a surge block, multi-box.

We're not going to blow the jugs, are we? No, no, no. But there's no way it's going to be able to handle that drawer. Jared's going to come in and hold his finger on the surge button. Just stop it clicking off. Is that safe? I think that's approved. That's kosher.

Well, no, they did a test and it didn't blow them. It didn't blow the circuit. Okay, so what we've done, we've got HUL kettles on. They're plugged into the same thing. They have exactly one litre of tap temperature water. Yep. Literally, they got filled up as the tap. We turned the tap on and we let it run until it got to a constant temperature

and then filled them up one litre at a time. Six jugs. We're going to have a kettle off, a kettle race, to see whose kettle will boil at the fastest. Now, I want to know, is the boiling where it clicks itself off? Yes. Okay. And is your flash kettle set up to do that?

Because your flash kettle's got temperature controls. Yeah, so it switches off at 100 degrees. And I also have the temperature counts up as it gets hotter. So we'll actually have a running commentary of how hot the water is. I reckon if listeners want to put in a bid or a vote, 9696. We've got Hayley's beautiful, that's the one we're racing against really. The blue. The blue Breville.

We've got Fletcher's white KitchenAid. We've got Vaughan's black Anko. I'm a man of the people. I've got a K-Mark Kettle. What can I say? We've got Shannon'san's Black Anko. I'm a man of the people. I've got a K-Mark Kettle. What can I say? We've got Shannon's Hand Me Down. You didn't know you had a K-Mark Kettle. I learned this morning at quarter to five and I was livid.

We've got Shannon's Hand Me Down. Tony Street. Tony Street. With a brand that I've never seen in my life. Jareed, what are you rocking there? That's a Cambrook. That's a Cambrook. Oh, that's jolly.

Must be nice. Must be nice. And then Carwin's got sort of a cheap looking white jug. Classic Russell Hobbs. No, no, no, no, no, no. Russell Hobbs. If I had to vote for, is it a Russell Hobbs? It's a Russell Hobbs, actually.

I didn't think it was a Russell Hobbs. I want to be clear. This is not my jug. Because I was going to say, out of all the jugs, that's the one I wouldn't leave unattended. Yeah. It's a homemaker. I've never even heard of that.

Okay, so we've got a lot of votes coming in for White Kitchen Aids. Okay. A lot of people really up in the anko. Up the anko, man of the people. It's the people's kettle. Someone's saying. I reckon Streadies is Streadies' ex-jug that now belongs to Shannon. I reckon that's my favourite.

Do you know all I want to happen is Hayley's to not be the first. That's the only thing you care about. Dude, people are invested in this. They want us to Instagram live. Someone is winning $500 on the street. Are we able to Instagram live this so people can watch or is that too hard basket? I can Instagram live on mine.

No, because you'll get the followers. Yeah, exactly. Shut it. Where's the FVH one logged in on? Who's phone? Or what's the social media plan here? We should have checked this off air. Yeah, no, I'm going to make a video.

You're going to make a video. Oh, she's making a video. No, she doesn't want you ruining her video. Okay, don't ruin her video. Okay, we're going to come back next and we're going to race our kettles in the great Kiwi Kettle Loft. Do you know next week, who's winning?

I reckon we do toast. Next week, we test our toasters. Great toaster test. See you there, bitch. See you there. Then she would do toasted sandwich machines. Yeah, boy. We'll test our toasters. See you there, bitch. See you there. Then she would do toasted sandwich machines. Yeah, boy! Let's test our appliances!

Can't wait for blender week. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hello there, and welcome to the great Kiwi Kettle Off. Well, Hayley came into work and said, I've got a fast kettle. I do have a fast kettle. Well, we're going to test it because we've all brought our kettles in, producers and all.

We've got six kettles racing against each other. This is triggering me back to Bake Off. Ngā mihi nui, contestants. Welcome to the Great Kiwi Kettle Off. Where today we're going to find New Zealand's greatest home kettle. So many people are saying they're electricians

or appliance salespeople. There's no way you're getting away with this tripping of the power. Yes, we are. Oh, no. But what happens if we trip the power? Too much load. We might have to evict some people

from the race. Okay? Producers, producers. Do you think a multi-box can handle three? Well, there's some plugs down here. Why don't we plug around the studio if that's the case? Okay, if that happens. Okay, we'll do a quick rearrange.

Now, it is going to take about three minutes, up to three minutes for these kettles to boil. So I think we are in three, two, one. I'll say three, two, one. Let's all switch the kettles on. three, two, one. I'll say three, two, one. Let's all switch the kettles on. Three, two, one. Okay, I heard a beep. It stripped it.

It stripped it. We've lost power. We've lost power. Oh, my God. We've immediately lost power. Oh, no. Okay, let's do relocation. Oh, no.

Relocation, relocation. We did a test, though. I reckon leave three plugged in. How many PowerPoints have we ever had in the studio? What did you do on Bake Off when the ovens shat themselves? We added a day to the schedule. Okay, let's add a day to the schedule. Two over here.

We'll be here on Sunday. Okay, there's two plugs over here. Two plugs over there. Two plugs here. I've got a plough plug here. The people are invested. They must know. There's two here.

Pass me a kettle. Get me a kettle. Okay, so we're actually going to plug into the mains now So if we drop off air And coast And hits All the stations in the building That's on us

No, but there's backup power There is backup power Just in advance, sorry Mike Hosking If we lose power Now are we all plugged in? We're all plugged in. All right. Three.

Who's got blue? Blue's over here. Okay. Okay. Turn the kettles on in three, two, one. Switch. Are they on? Okay, they're on.

They're on. They're on. They're on. Okay, phew. I forgot that nothing was going to happen once they're on. They take a little time. See, mine makes a little hiss first. What's happening over here? This is yours down here. Your light's on. They're on. I forgot that nothing was going to happen once they're on. They take a little time. See, mine makes a little hiss first. What's happening over there?

This is yours down here. Your light's on. He makes a little hiss. What's happening over there? We're boiling. It's the anko, baby! The anko's making some noise! The anko is making a noise.

I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Keep an eye on them for the switches. I've got my eyes on both switches. Your kettle's not that fast. Mine's probably done. 28 degrees. He's got a degree. Yeah, I've got degrees counting down on my kettle.

Flash B. We've got a couple of hummers over here. Yeah, I told you, mine hums, mine hums, baby. But what if my kettle is diverting power from heating to telling me the temperature? Yeah, exactly. Suck it. That's what happens.

Around the studio. Can you get the mic down to Shannon? Let's just see how the anko's going. Shannon, how's the anko? She's humming. I'm getting warm. Oh, listen to that. Getting warm down here.

Is that what it sounds like at your house every time you put the kettle on? Loud, though. Loud. But it's in the butler's pantry, so I don't hear it. Vaughn, can we get a what's happening over in that corner, Georgia? You've got a glass top on your kettle here. We are getting some condensation on the top there. Jerry, can we get a digital readout?

48 degrees. 48 degrees. Halfway. Just a reminder, boiling temperature is 100. 100 degrees Celsius. We are halfway through the race. That's lovely. And look at you now.

You finally got some action from Carlin's Kettle. Carlin's Kettle. Carlin's Kettle. Carlin's Kettle has joined the race. It's classic fantastic. I like coming to the race. Wait for the click. Wait for the click.

How's that anko sounding? Loud. Loud. Still loud. Could be the cam broke next to it, though. Digital update on Fletcher's Kettle. 58. 58.

58. Okay. I tell you what, Streeties is powering. Streeties is making some real noise. I've got my hand over. Now, Georgia, you're overlooking Streeties is powering. Can you put my hand over? Now, Georgia, you're overlooking Streeties Kettle, the Hand Me Down, and the fast alleged blue Breville from Hayley. Yeah.

Yell out as soon as any of those turn off. You've got to keep your eyes on those lights. Streeties is hotter. Streeties is hotter. It's probably hot on the outside, but maybe the water inside. It could be losing heat through the conductivity. That's right. What?

That sounds close. The ANCO is sounding close. Someone text in saying that ANCOs are loud. Breville's not even putting out any. Has it been put yet? Jared, a temperature readout. 78. 78!

78! It's just turned on. It's just turned on. 78! I told you. I told you. You disqualified. He's out. He's disqualified. He's out. Disqualified. I told you. I told you. You disqualified. He's out.

He's disqualified. He's out. Disqualified. I told you to check his settings. It came off. He's disqualified. It's getting no movement. You know, on the side there, you've got the little gauge.

My kettle's just shed itself. It won't turn on. What have you done to my kettle? That's you. You're out. Any moment now, we have a winner. You're out of the race. What does it sound like over there? It's quiet. Any moment now, we have a winner. You're out of the race. What does it sound like over there?

It's about to finish. It's about to finish. Anko is about to click off. What's Breville? What's Breville doing? Breville's not doing anything. What? What?

Breville's getting a little bit of steam coming out the spout. Breville's about to click off. The far Breville's getting some bubbling. Breville's about to click. Breville's about to click. The far kettle is about to pop at any moment. Hayley's Kittle or Tony Street's hand-me-down Kittle. One of these Kittles will be the winner.

Carlin's is still lukewarm. Breville! Breville! Breville's clacked! Breville's clacked! Breville's clacked! I told you. I told you I got a fast jug. I told you. Wait, Jared, is mine even tuning back on? Nope.

No. Fletch, we're trying another plug. Wait, who's in second place? Wait a minute, is the light still on on the back of the Anko? Yep, it is. Streeties. Streeties is gone. Streeties is gone.

Shannon's in second place. Fletch is out there. Fletch is dead. Carmen's is out. They're putting a tent over Fletch's kettle, ladies and gentlemen. We'll just cut away from the camera angle on that. Okay, Shannon, what's happening in your corner with the Cambrook and the Anko? They're silent, but they haven't clicked.

They're silent, but they haven't clicked. Okay. So they've still both got lights on on the back. They're clicked down. Yeah, they're clicked down. No way, have you killed my kettle as well? No, it's on. I can see the light.

It does have a light on the back there. It's on, sweetie. It's a Kmart kettle. It takes a little bit longer. Yeah. Not that I can speak, because apparently my KitchenAid has shed itself. Oh, okay. You've killed the outlet over here.

Your kettle and Carlin's kettle have stopped. Wait, it's not my kettle. It's the outlet's fault. Bang. Sorry. They just had to do that. It was the kind of thing to do. Off to the factory.

Are you sure? I could probably just still plug mine into another outlet and beat you. I've got to tell you, guys, the Cambrook and the Anko have still not clicked off. No, I reckon. Well, we don't have all day, Horn. I think you've just got to accept a loss here. I think we've killed that. No, your light's on, Horn.

Is it? Oh, sweetie, Horn. It's probably finished. How hot's the water? At the end of the day, guys. It's hot, yeah. At the end of the day, the Breville won. She did it.

You do have a fast... Damn it! What? Did I tell you? Can we have a rematch with a new plank for mine? Absolutely not. I'm unfair and square. It's so hot in here.

I feel like I would have beat you. We've steamed this. We've steamed this room. Good for the pause. Well, that was, yeah. That wall socket's gone too. Okay, so we've broken that wall socket as well. Hayley's cheated.

What she claimed was the light she could see was a reflection off the... No, but yours was still bubbling when mine went off, Matt. Mine was bubbling before yours was bubbling. I'm going to call for a rematch here because we don't have the same socket. You've got a socket. Excuse me, New Zealand, can you hear these sore losers? Shannon in second place, can you hear these sore losers right now?

I don't know if we can afford to break any more electrical outlets here at work. Except defeat. We may need some of the electricians that have been listening, warning us against this, to come in and fix this. Somebody said my zip beat you all by about five seconds. Oh, proof. Thank you for playing along at home.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, behind the scenes after the great Kiwi kettle off, Vaughn and I have officially protested. The protest flag is up. This is like the America's Cup. So do I not get my medal?

No. Butterworth over there in a lingy cut us off, and we have waved the protest flag. So next week, we're going to get some electricians to sort out some proper plugs. We'll find some proper plugs. We may have fried at least two lots of twos, four different electrical plugs.

We're on air, which is a miracle. I'm hoping there's just some buttons and a switchboard somewhere, someone pops back in. You'd hope so. We're going to get an electrician. We're going to have a rematch because this was not a fair race. I think it was a race in which you lost, and as men, it's your right to protest that.

And I think you'll find that the Breville will take it out in round two. I'm not afraid. Right. I accept your challenge. Am I allowed to opt over this week? No, you cannot go out and buy a new jug. You're stuck with your Anko. Okay.

You're driving for Anko. I honestly think until we lost that wall so that the Anko was, and yours was too. You've just got to grunt her. It's just loud. It's just loud. It's just loud. It's a grunty little chugga. It doesn't mean it's good.

Yeah. Coming up on the show, we're going to play a game, Who Dat Girl, for Friday's live tickets. Now, this is going to be very much like, but I can guess your mum's name. Vaughan, we're going to get a girl on the phone, and then you've got to guess her name in 60 seconds, if you can guess dat girl's name. Am I allowed questions like, but I can guess your mum's name? Yep, you can have a couple. A couple of questions her name in 60 seconds. If you can guess that girl's name. Am I allowed questions? Yep, you can have a couple. A couple of questions in 60 seconds.

Yes. Usually I only have 15. So we'll give you the chance soon. Listen out for the activator to play Who Dat Girl. But right now it's time for... Fact of the Day is about Roman dental care because we are in the midst of ancient Rome fact of the day weeks and we've been covering different parts of it.

The ancient Romans actually had pretty good dental care. Oh yeah. They put a lot of time and effort into it. Some of their toothpastes probably wouldn't have got the tick from 9 out of 10 dentists though. Did they have walnut shells and stuff? Mincy stripes? Were they using St Ives apricot scrub? No, one of the flavours was

mouse brain. Yum. Yeah, rodent brain. Like a pate. Moolied up and mixed with bicarbonate soda, sodium, powdered charcoal and sometimes bark was added. Charcoal's good though. Charcoal's good for the teeth, isn't it? Oh, is it too abrasive now?

Are they saying it's too abrasive? Yeah, they're saying it's bad. It's too abrasive. Okay. Other toothpastes included powder of ox hooves ashes. So they would burn the ox hooves and then powder them and put them in. Well, that's not vegan. No, not at all.

And burnt pounded egg shells. What did the ancient vegans do? Well, how did they brush their teeth? Just a stick. The ancient vegans. I don't know. Also, I'll just touch on lightly the fact that they also had a mouthwash. Did they?

They had a mouthwash. What was it? Miss Alina, wife of Emperor Claudius, washed her teeth with a paste of powdered deer antler and mouse brain and chose to gargle undiluted human urine, preferably the super strong stuff shipped all the way from Portugal

where urine was believed to contain more ammonia. Oh, yeah. Love it in a Spanish purse. It's that paella. Love me that strong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Best a Spanish purse. It's that paella. Strong. Best in the world. Yeah, barrel aged with a beautiful oaky finish. So yeah, the Romans

especially in the Senate, it was a sign of wealth if you had white teeth. Yeah, right. Neglected teeth could get you booted out, even if like naturally you just didn't have very nice teeth. Teeth taken very, very seriously. So today's fact of the Day. And the final fact for the Roman, ancient Rome, Fact of the Day week thing.

Download the podcast of all the Fact of the Days in one podcast. It's so handy. With their different themes. It is so handy. Is that ancient Roman toothpaste included things like Portuguese urine and mouse brains. Fact of the Day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. So we're going to play this for the next few Fridays

because Fridays Live is fast approaching November 16 at Spark Arena. It's a Thursday in Auckland. Jason Derulo, Boyz II Men, Flo Rida, Kelly Rowland, Jojo, Travi McCoy, Baby Bash and more. You know the line-up by now. It's a great line-up. The rest of the tickets are on sale right now at ZM Online. We have a chance for you to be a VIP.

VIP tickets every Friday. Playing Who's That Girl? Just like Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name, Vaughan, you will have two questions to ask our caller. Two questions. Mystery caller. Good morning, mystery caller. Good morning. How are you? Girl, just like Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name, Vaughan, you will have two questions to ask our caller, our mystery caller. Good morning, mystery caller. Good morning.

How are you? Good, really good. We've named you on the board one, or your name could be One. One. No, it's not. I think it's one. Now, Vaughan, two questions. Go.

And then you'll have 60 seconds to try and guess what year were you born? 1997. 97, okay. Great year for music. We were just talking about 1997 on the drive-in. Oh yeah.

We were talking about the music of 97. We were in sync. Yeah. Okay. The year Princess Diana died. Could be Diana? No.

No, it wouldn't be Diana. What's your... To me, 97's going to go after... What's your... For me, 97's like Becky, Katie. What's your favourite drink? What do you drink if we're going out? Ooh, probably a rum and coke. Ooh, okay. Could be Tina.

Could be Tina. Rum and coke. Jess? Could be. Could be a Jess. Okay. Right, Vaughn, you are going to have 60 seconds to try and guess our mystery caller's name. Who dat girl, Vaughn Smith?

Go. Jess. Georgia, Hannah, Sarah, Emma, Samantha, Olivia. There's got to be a Becky in there. Sophie, Rebecca, Becky, Courtney, Ashley, Kate, Laura, Taylor, Lucy. Yes, that's my name. Is your name Lucy? Yes.

Yes! Yay! Fantastic. Congratulations. Oh, my God. Well done, Vaughn. I just opened up Facebook and just started scrolling through people. I know.

Well, it's worked. Congratulations, Lucy. Well done. We have for you a double VIP pass to Friday Jams Live. To Friday's Live. Oh, thank you. A few bloody rum and cokes on the board. Oh, hell yeah.

We'll see you there. I'll have a rum and coke with you. I had a few of them. So long-time listeners of the show will be familiar with my father-in-law, a very interesting man that he is. Is he still doing his karaoke sing-alongs, his versions? So remember years ago when he owned the harmonising machine? Yes.

And then he moved to Thailand. He's Thai. Yeah. I have to explain that because sometimes people think he's white and moved to Thailand and that takes a bit more explanation. Yeah, right. But when you're Thai and you move back to Thailand, much easier to get across the board, you know.

Yeah. My father-in-law's not a creep. Yes. So he moves to Thailand and he said he got rid of his harmonising machine. He's just purchased another one off AliExpress. Oh, this is great. So he's da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I played him the Doja Cat song, Paint the Town Red.

I said, you should do this. And he said, she has absolutely ruined the song, Diana Warwick's. Wow, okay. Dionne Warwick. Dionne Warwick's song. Yep. And so he's like, I'm going to re-record the original. I was like, well, I mean, if Doja Cat's ruined the song, why not?

Famously a very high song. We've got to play this. He's not afraid to give it a go. Tell him he gets immediate air time as soon as the song's mixed and finalised. Well, he's recorded a couple of songs that we do play. Yeah, right. We'll get those to him. Well, he doesn't know how to get them to me,

and then Sade's the middle man, and she's like, don't you dare. Please don't. And she's like, don't do it. We could just go after the show one day. Go to his apartment. Just pick him straight up. It's just down from mine, isn't it? Totally.

Actually, he needs some help around the apartment. I've told him to give you to his apartment. Just pick up straight up. It's just down from mine, isn't it? Totally. Actually, I did he needs some help around the apartment. I've told him to give you a call because you're closer than I am. It's just easier. Yeah, I don't have a landline. Don't you? I'm embarrassing for you. He's never going to get in touch with me. So, it was his birthday recently so we weren't here. So, last night

it turned out was the night we were going to take him out for dinner for his birthday. And we said, Shade said, what do you want to do for dinner? And he said, hot pot. Yum. Now, if you're not familiar with hot pot, I've never hot potted before. Now, what is the deal? Is it where you get all the ingredients raw?

And it's a broth. Hot, steaming hot broth in the middle. And it's cranking. Those ends and hot plates, I'm paying you to cook it for me. I don't want to cook this myself. No, it's part of the experience. You're paying for the broth that's taken days. It's a long broth.

Right. So I've never done it before. And then when we got there and Sharda's like, what do you want? I was like, as a person that's never done it before, I'm happy to be late on my first experience. Yeah, okay. And so she was like, well, I've never done it before. And I said, well, get your dad to order.

And he's like, ah! And everyone put their hands up. So it started like that. And everyone's intentions were like, well, I've never done it before. And I said, well, get your dad to order. And he's like, ah! And everyone put their hands up. So it started like that. And everyone's intentions were like, someone do something. So anyway, we got this broth and it was cut in half. And one side- Wait, I thought broth was soup. So the bowl is in two segments.

It must be gelatinous though. If they can slice it in half. It's a gelatinous situation. Half of it is just a tomato-based broth. Right. Because the kids were there and they weren't eating anything with spice. Right. Now, next to it, the spice comes in three levels.

One chilli, two chillis, or three chillis. Yep. Now, we read on the reviews that it's quite hot. So, I was like, well, I don't want to kill myself. I'll go one out of three. Yeah. I am destroyed. You've been in the toilet a lot.

I have much of the show in the toilet. I picked up Hayley this morning and I said to her, I was like, I'm going to be touch and go making it to work. He picked you up. Are you the unnamed female broadcaster? Yeah, I can't drive anymore. No, I'm off to the airport. Oh, okay, right.

Think about it. And I said, I'm barely going to get to work. Did you drive this morning, Georgia? Oh, unnamed. I'm named radio broadcaster. Could be you. I'm not a female. Says who?

How dare you assume your own gender? How dare you? So I am, the one out of three, I say to the guy, I'm like, is this right? This is too hot to be one. And he's like, no, that's one. And he walked away laughing. Everyone else abandoned it. I was like, but we've paid for the side. You've always got to ask if it's a white person one out of three

yeah i went one oh that's why i went one out of three and so it was so hot it was full of those szechuan peppers that like numb you as they burn you and i was eating it and i was sweating and i was crying my nose was running it was all how slamming beers because they're the only thing that can stop it. Sade's driving. Sade's driving home. I said you were after my third beer. I was like.

Unnamed radio host. Unnamed radio host. Yeah. Slamming beers. I'm sweating like I'm guilty of something. And so I ate it and then this morning I was just like, I woke up and I was like, that's not right. Now usually I can eat, I love spicy food.

Yeah, you do. This was, I walked in and I was like, that's not right. Now, usually I can eat. I love spicy food. Yeah, you do. This was, I walked in and I put my bag down and I said, and if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the bathroom. And I've been back a couple of times since. And every time there's been action, it's not just sitting there waiting for something to happen. He's got a hot body. Literally, it feels like I've got tiger balm on my anus.

You've got hot pot, hot pot. Hot pot, pot rot. I did a squat and snot. Were they impressed that you finished? So I just kept eating the soup and they kept trying to come and fill it up with more broth. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. This has got to go.

I'm trying to get through this. Then Shada's dad orders gelatinous duck blood. So I'm like that. And then he has a few pieces. He's like, I'm full. I'm like, I'm not letting that go to waste. I've eaten all the stuff just because I'm paying so I don't want to thing to go to waste.

And then on the way out, the lady said to me, is this your first time? And I'm just like swimming and my nose is running. I'm like. You've soiled yourself. I've had like six beers. I'm like, yep. And she's like, you did very, very, very well.

Oh, that's good. And I was like, what? She's like, no one starts on the spicy side with their first. I'm like, what? It should be written down or told, especially to the white people coming. I mean, side note, you do look thin today, Hoi. I have dropped, I'm guessing, three kgs this morning. See ya, see ya later.

Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Suzy Kato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same

for this podcast and then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening maybe give it five stars as well.