ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 2nd April, 2025

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

On todays episode of the Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod; Get a cold plunge to look tight Man did what to a women's hair on a flight!! Dating apps verification photos stolen  Study about deaths on Home and Away Top 6 - Stories that should have been April Fools jokes but weren't Wildest one night stand stories What's ya jobby? Women have better hearing then men Worst comment on your school report Fact of the day Roasting makes better friendships SLP - Is it okay to have bare feet in the cinema   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Fletch, Warren and Hayley's Big Pod. Thanks to Animates, making happy happen for pets. ZM's Fletch, Warren and Hayley.

Thanks Bryn, good morning, welcome to the show. Oh, good boy Bryn. Fletchbourne and Hayley. Thanks Bryn, good morning. Welcome to the show. Oh, good boy Bryn. Fletchbourne and Hayley. Yesterday was April 4th and I just want to say happy birthday to Pedro Pascal today. Oh my god. Pedro's turning 50 years old today. Is he? 50 years old.

And also happy birthday to Michael Fassbender, known for his role as Magneto in the X-Men movies. I hate this guy. I hate this guy. I hate this guy. What is this? Is this some local radio announcer character? No, we'll just start the show to remind everybody of the date and then give them a couple of bits to talk about around the water cooler today. He's a radio professional.

He's a radio. And, of course, if Alan Giddes was still with us, he played Obi-Wan Kenobi in the first Star Wars movie back in 1977. Alan Giddes would be 111 years old even. I'm not mad to think about Pedro Pascal. Did you see him in his thigh-high boots?

Yes, I did. His F-me boots. If it was anybody else, I'd be like, what's he doing? Yeah, but not Pedro. Not Pedro Pascal. Not Pedro Pascal.

Daddy can do anything. Daddy does. Top six is coming up. Well, it was April Fool's yesterday and I've got the top six stories that should have been April Fool's pranks, but weren't.

Some wild stories yesterday that happened. That Christchurch story? Dude. It's not even on my list. Because I was like, it's too good, we've got to talk about it.

It's going on the list. It's going on the top six. Have you heard about this Christchurch? No, no, no. I'm going to tune in with the rest of the listeners. We've got a new number one. We're going to shut up.

Shut up your face. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Well, we've got a new number one. We're going to shut up. Shut up your face. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Well, some studies have found, a study has found that just one week of cold plunges could slow down ageing at a cellular level. Oh my God. Oh, alright.

Wim Hof. Alright. Wim Hof. I'm going to swear by a cold plunge, but have they tried a hot bath? Oh, I know. Have they tried staying a cold plunge, but if they try a hot bath. Oh, I know. Have they tried staying in bed in the morning? Have they tried a tepid spa? Or just a really lovely warm pool?

Oh, my God, yes. I'm talking like a 34 degree. Yes. Do you know what I mean? When it's not so warm. Have they tried going for a swim in Fiji? It doesn't say the temperature of cold, but would a swimming pool be cold enough? Or would it need to be icy plunge?

You've got to drop it a bit, eh? So apparently your cells learn to adapt to cold stress fast in just seven days of cold plunges. People in the study, their cells shifted to a more efficient system focused on protection and repair. So it's repairing your...

Yeah, or your cells. Your cells, and so your skin, and you look younger. Well, do you know, when I first knew I was joining this show, I did all this Googling about how I was going to adjust my life, and I was going to start the day, every day, with a cold shower. That was my thing. And then I was like, yeah, that's going to be really good. I've done it once.

Horrible. It's horrible. That's okay in an Auckland, humid February. Totally. But not in a cold Norwegian winter. Yeah. You're not starting the day with an icy shower. The cold plungers. That's where they do

the cold plungers. They cut the hole in the ice and the extremely hot people, both boys and girls, go for a little quick dip. So the water in the study was 14 degrees. That's cold. That's cold, eh? That's cold.

Sometimes you'll feel water and you'll be like, that's got to be close to freezing. And you do the temp check and it's like 23 degrees. You're like, no, it's not. It's not. Because you can get the little like inflatable or the stainless steel ice barns that are just tiny or small enough for one person. Well, lovely Art Green turned a sort of meat freezer into one

before he got a proper one. He just got a meat freezer and put ice and water into it. He'd get into that. And would he shut the lid and turn it on and that would keep it cold? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then lift it up and break open the ice. And he still looks 21, doesn't he? So it must be working.

Oh, he looks like rubbish, yeah. That is a load out. What a mess. What a mess. What a mess What a mess What a mess of a rig Yeah God what's he done there He looks shocking

God his body's Perfectionised Sorry I mean It's a ridiculous body I've never seen Anything quite like it It's something else Maybe it's the ice baths

Maybe it's the ice baths We ever told you the story About the time that Art Green's mum Kidnapped us At Lake Rotuiti No Hell of a yarn

Hell of a yarn Really Do we have time? Not now. Not now. It's not for on air either. Oh, really? God.

Let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Jeebus. All right. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. So there's a woman called Danielle.

She shared an experience online on an American Airlines flight. And she was flying where? She lives in Virginia and was flying Los Angeles. Okay. So see me like a five hour flight. Four or five hours.

So she says when she gets on a flight she doesn't sleep, she hibernates. She's one of those people that like in, buckle, headphones, eye mask't sleep. She hibernates. She's one of those people that like in buckle, you know, headphones, eye mask, sleep. Out for the whole flight. Oh, I'm so jealous of those people.

That's me. That's me. I'm so good at it. I'm really, really good at sleeping on flights. I love taking photos of Hayley when she sleeps. I know because my jaw always falls open and it is the most unflattering. Anyway, that's your... We're just keeping you real because you're so attractive. That's right. falls open and it is the most unflattering Anyway.

We're just keeping you real because you're so attractive. That's right. It's nice of us to remind you. Yeah. And it's sort of a version of you guys having revenge pornography. You know what I mean? Jesus, I don't know if it's quite. Well, like if I ever wrong you, you'll upload those. Ah, gotcha. Rather than my nudes. Yeah, sure.

Because my nudes are great. Those sleeping, dribbling photos. The shame of the internet. So Danielle, she falls asleep on this flight and the only thing that wakes her is the of someone taking a photo.

The shutter sound of someone taking a photo. And she's like... You're going to turn off your shutter if you're going to take creepy photos of Sleeping Woman. Take it from me. That's creepy photo 101. I mean, when I take a creepy photo of Hayley on the plane, mouth open, silent.

Silent? Yeah. When I take a creepy photo where I go, hey, Fletch, stand there, and I pretend to take a photo of Fletch, but I'm zoomed in. Hayley is the worst at taking a sneaky photo. I'm so bad.

I'm so bad at it. Anyway, so that wakes her up, the sound of it. And she's like, what the hell? It's coming from behind her. She looks behind and notices that the passengers behind her have the shade down on the window. So she's like, well, they're not taking a photo outside of the plane or of that. She's like, what are they taking a photo of?

Who knows? It's not until she gets to her hotel at her destination that she notices that someone has braided a small part of her hair while she was asleep. Like a little small braid running down the back of her head.

And she's like, that's what they were taking photos of. And she was on the internet being like, I know who you are. Please come forward and admit that you braided my hair. So I imagine that like a little bit of her hair fell through. Have you ever been on a plane and someone's hair has come down the back and it's covering the TV screen? Oh, yeah, move that shit.

I was on a flight overseas with my mum and a man's arse-length dreadlock poked through and went into my mum's meal. Yes, it has come through. I'm sorry. That's too long for dreadlocks. And he was white as well. I just feel like for context, white dreadlocks. And it poked through the thing

and it went into her little silver tray of stroganoff. I think she went beef. She went beef. She went beef. I think it was Lufthansa. Lufthansa. I think it was a Lufthansa flight, if I remember that trip. Lots of Lufthansa.

I would trust the Germans with the beef. Yeah, it was a creamy beef. But his dreadlock went in it. And I remember my mum just being like, well, that's the meal. I can't eat that now. And then I'm pretty sure when they told me. To be honest, I probably would have eaten it on a plane. Like, you're not getting any other food.

Here, yeah, dreadlock. Oh, yeah, the dreadlock, because it hasn't been washed. It hasn't been washed properly. And I remember she got all of our pillows and, like, put them on top and kept, like, trying to flick it away, but it just kept coming through. Because they're kind of stiff, you know? So gross.

Yeah. So I'll take a braid. I'll take a woman's hair poking through and I'll braid it. It is quite intrusive. A stranger shouldn't be touching you while you sleep. Do you guys know how to braid hair? No. It's just a tight plait.

Yeah, a plait. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you've got girls. You've got, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, he's done quite a good job. Oh, have he? Yeah. Because that's hard because you've kind of got to pull it to get it tight. Yeah, you've got, yeah. Yeah, yeah. She was like, he's done quite a good job. Oh, had he? Yeah. Because that's hard because you've kind of got to pull it to get it tight.

Yeah, you've got to get it tight. How did she not wake up? Yeah, I don't know. Huh. I don't know. So she wants him to come forward because she wants to thank him? Who are you? Oh, no.

Play. ZM. Splitchforn and Hayley. A whole bunch of, there's a parent company, right, that owns all of these apps and websites for people to date. Be a little bit cheeky. A bit saucy, naughty. Dating sites, BDSM, People and Chica, as well as the dating services Pink, Brush and Translove,

developed by MAD Mobile. Right. MAD Mobile. Okay. There's been a security breach, and they've lost 1.5 million photos. Oh, jeez. Far out.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, it's probably not good if you belong to those websites because you'll be a bit like, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh me. Well, on those websites, you're uploading, you're definitely not your holiday pics. You know what I mean?

The leaked files include explicit photos from private messages between users. So those are the actual private photos, right? Why is your face looking like that? I just feel like those are worse than the ones that, if you had a profile on a fetish website, if you did, you're uploading the photos that you want everyone to see.

Your private chat photos, that's a different level. Verification images. What does that mean? Oh, no, that's worse. What does that mean? Wait, what does that mean? Have you never had to verify on any app? Because on these, because you have to be 18,

you often have to have a photo of your ID and you being like, oh, no. Do you know what I thought verification was? What? Click every circle, square that has a motorbike in it. No. No. I was like, why is that a big deal? That's to prove you're a human.

So what's a verification? You just upload a photo of your ID. That's not good. Also, a lot of apps now, and not even dating apps, you have to put your face in the circle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it will take a photo. And you never look good.

You're always just like, uh. You're not there being like, hi, boys. You're there being like, face, 18. Turn left, turn right, look up, look down. Take the nudes. Do you know what I mean? If I have to choose, take the nudes, not my verification photos. Verification doesn't make me any good.

Vulnerable. I look as bad as I do when you take a photo of me asleep on the plane. Just like... 100%. And deleted pictures that were deleted by moderators. So on a kink website, I mean, what do you have to be doing for the moderators to be like inappropriate? Jingo.

So they were stored online without password protection. So technically publicly accessible. 900,000 users may have been at risk of hacks and extortion. This is nearly a million people. The vulnerability apparently stemmed from secrets like passwords and encryption keys being left in publicly available app code. What does that mean?

I don't know what that means. So if you knew how to like crack it, if you knew how coding and stuff worked, it was publicly available. And the app BDSM people alone had 1.6 million files exposed, which is 128 gigabytes of data. There's a lot of photos. Dude, the hack, has anything come about, like, who's hacked it

and if they're going to do anything with it? No, no demands or anything so far. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. They could be used, cybersecurity experts said these sorts of images could be used for blackmail or outing individuals, especially in a country where homosexuality

is illegal and they'll just blackmail you because otherwise you'd better leave. Oh, that's awful. Yeah. A broader investigation into iOS apps have found that 7.1% had similar security flaws, indicating a widespread issue with app security. Oh, no. Surely this is an interesting take someone's

just messaged in. Surely the users of that website, so say it was us and then someone says here's a picture of Hayley whatever you could claim that that's AI generated. You could now.

Dude I ain't claiming anything's AI generated. I never said that. That is not an old tweet of mine. I did not say that. That's AI generated. It's AI generated. That's not an opinion

I would ever say. That's AI generated. Those boobs my boobs are way worse than those boobs. Was it literally just what Donald Trump says every day? Yeah. And he's doing great. That's AI generated. Those boobs, my boobs are way worse than those boobs. Was it literally just what Donald Trump says every day?

Yeah. Yeah. And he's doing great. He's doing great. He's nailing it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. These stats were released

yesterday by Ray White in Australia as part of their April Fools. Oh, great. Which, and you know what? I think this is good from them.

Yeah, great. Because what they've done is they've worked out the homicide rate in Summer Bay compared to Australia and the rest of the world. Home and away, obviously. Home and away. Which is Palm Beach. Is the... That's where they film it, eh?

That's where they film it, yeah. And what is that, eh? Northern, Northern Sydney. Yeah. Which, and it's apparently, it's really expensive? That's where they film it, yeah. And what is that, eh? Northern, Northern Sydney. Yeah. And apparently it's really expensive. I've never been. Houses anywhere from three mil. Eesh! That's the average cost of houses there, three mil. Some properties up to $30 million.

Who knew the elf was so wealthy? He's wealthy. He's wealthy. He's wealthy. Oh, that's good from you. Actually really funny, that made me chuckle. But obviously most of it's filmed in studios, but the exterior shots when they go to the beach,

it's all Palm Beach, all the pickup shots and stuff. Yeah. So they've worked out that the town, Summer Bay, had 133 potentially avoidable deaths over the last 37 years. Potentially avoidable. And they've based that on a community of 1,652 residents at Summer Bay.

So that is 218 deaths per 100,000 people. That's very high. Now that makes the homicide rate 25 times more likely to be murdered in Summer Bay than anywhere else in Australia. So you're saying that Summer Bay is basically the ghetto.

It is the hood. Summer Bay is the hood. When you compare it to other places, they've said the murder rate is also higher than some of the world's most notorious crime spots, including Colombia, South Africa, a lot of South Central America, and US cities like Washington DC and Detroit. And they paint it like it's just all fun and laughter there.

To the cafe. Yeah, everyone's pretty hot. Car accidents also big on Home and Away and Summer Bay. I always said that about McLeod's daughters. There's no way that farm wouldn't have had a visit from the Australian version of Osh and just been shut down. Oh really? So many accidents on McLeod's daughters. Well they reckon 37 lives

per 100,000 compared to Australia's normal car crash rate of five per 100,000. So, yeah, don't move to Summer Bay. I'm just trying to see if this... Is this going to tell me? No. I was trying to see how many deaths there's been on our beloved Shortland Street.

Over 8,000 episodes. But again, Ferndale as a suburb, yeah, they're terrible. High crime rate. Surely someone's done a list over the years. Yeah, there's a fandom, Shortland Street Wiki, that has all of them listed. They did have a serial killer, didn't they? Yeah, he ticked up a few. A strangler.

Ferndale Strangler. It's all listed, so I'd have to count them listed. They did have a serial killer, didn't they? Yeah, he took, he ticked up a few. A strangler. A strangler. Ferndale Strangler. It's all listed, so I'd have to count them myself. It would be nice if they had just put a number at the top. That's just my feedback for shortland.fandom.com.

You could copy paste that into chat GPT and say, how many, break it down for me, how many deaths, how many murders, how many car accidents.

But then are you including the people that have died in the wards? Oh no, not in the wards. Oh, no, not in the wards. No, no, no. Only characters. Key characters. So the first death, someone was beaten to death.

The second death was euthanasia. Really? Then we've got heart attack. We've got fallen car accident, car accident, heart attack, post-op complications. Chris Warner's had some close calls, hasn't he? He's nearly died like 10 times. Internal hemorrhage. Bludgeoned.

Bernie Leach was bludgeoned. I remember Bernie Leach. By a candlestick, by Carla Crozier Leach. Who was Alan's sister. Really? Alan, of course, was played by Robin Malcolm. Yeah. And sometimes I see the lady that played Carla here

because she writes for the New Zealand Herald now. Oh, does she? And every time I see her, I'm like, ooh. Carla. Bad, bad egg. She beat Bernie to death with a camera. Isn't that insane? She was on a fictitious show.

30 years ago. 30 years ago. And you still look at her getting in the lift and you think, you played that shit. It's like that guy Mark Ferguson who played Stuart's brother. Yeah. Daryl Nielsen was his character's name. My short and straight knowledge from the 90s is

impeccable, by the way. You might be getting blown away here. I'm just still looking at the list of... You tell me a main character, I'll tell you how they died. How it's all died. Did Carl Burnett ever die? No. You want to go back to the 90s? Yeah. Because I've just reached the strangler.

It goes like cancer, car crash, hemorrhage, strangled, strangled, strangled. Okay, the 90s, Lionel. Lionel Drown, he fell off the rocks when he was fishing. But he was never found. But it was a big miss because he came back in that one and he was pushing the muffin trolley, but it was never really addressed. Presumed Drown.

Presumed Drown, yeah. Unknown. Off the rocks. Okay. Was that 99? Didn't that also get the guy at the campground at home and away? He got swept out to sea. Didn't he?

Remember that? Michael. Pippa's Michael. Pippa's Michael. Was that in the flood, though, when he was trying to save somebody? I don't know. They didn't mention the flood, did they, in the real estate? Massive flood.

Okay, I'll give you one more. Annabelle Lustwick. No, I don't know that. Do you remember Annabelle? Annabelle, was that in the explosion? No. Oh. Like secret euthanasia with the assistance of Caroline.

I remember when they had an earthquake at Shortland Street and I could see the polystyrene bricks moving. Yes. When someone was breathing. I was like, that wasn't our finest work. It just so happened that the two hottest people on Shortland Street at the time got stuck in a lift shaft that was overheating so they had to take their clothes off.

Yeah, well, that's, you know what I mean. I'm going to get sweaty. Oh, yeah. Might as well take my shirt off. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From your local community Facebook page, this is the Top Six. Hello.

Yesterday was April Fool's full of lots of silly jokes, like Ikea's new two-kilometre-long store, the Suzuki Slimney, which was a Jimny but a motorcycle, and it actually had been sent out heaps, and I would 100% buy one. I'll tell you right now. That sounds cool. And we're going to put up with it all day today because it's America's turn.

American turn. Yeah, they're doing it. So I've got the top six stories from yesterday that really read like April Fool's pranks, but weren't. Yep. Number six on the list, a story on the New Zealand Herald titled Jetstar Mid-Air Brawl. Watch passengers find it out on an Australian flight to Bali.

On the Bogan bus to Bali. The Bogan bus to Bali. That video, have you watched the video? It's a feral. It's feral shit. Also, they don't even serve free drinks, right? You've got to buy them. Yeah, because it was Jetstar.

Somebody was sipping from the Judy-free Jim Beam, weren't they? Oh, yeah, they cracked the neck on that. Jeepers there. The footage is nuts, but Australians. Number five on the list of the top six stories from April Fool's that should have been jokes but weren't.

A new poll, an RNZ Read Research poll, shows that 61.5% of voters believe that parents should be responsible for their children's school lunches. Yeah, I totally agree, but it's not the situation for a lot of people, while we might think it is. And it is a great idea, and parents should be.

Some can't, and some don't. Well, this is why we provide. This is why we provide them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it's why we provide. This is why we provide them. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, it's weird that that needs to be spelt out again. But not April Fool's?

Not April Fool's. Okay. Imagine if they were like, April Fool's jokes, we'll feed them. Yeah, jokes. It's okay. They're not going to go hungry. Number four on the list of the top six stories that feel like April Fool's jokes but weren't. The story about a house bought in Hearn Bay in 1976 for $21,000 is now being valued at $3.85 million.

Shit. And I bet they've paid their tax on it though when they sold it. When they sell it, they will pay their capital gains. Oh, of course. Of course. On all the profit. Yeah, it's nuts that a property worth $21,000

50 years ago. 50 years ago? Wow. That's insane. 49 years ago is now worth $3.85 million. And imagine what it'll be like in. 50 years ago. 50 years ago? Wow. That's insane. 49 years ago is now worth $3.85 million. And imagine what it'll be like in another 50 years.

Also, wild to think that back in the day that all the suburbs around here were like Poon Bay was an absolute dive. And nobody wanted to live

in like Ponsonby and Gray Lynn. No. These are like Auckland's richest suburbs. Yeah. It's nuts. Yeah. My stepfather-in-law,

is that a whole title? Pete. I'll just call him Pete. He was a cop in the late 70s in Auckland and he said they used to get so scared when they'd get called to like Hearn Bay, Cotson Bay,

Westmere. Yeah, he's like, oh, we're going to get killed. That's where everybody wants. I know, darling. And now the police call out to Hearn Bay just like we're not.

I know someone's taken too many Larazzis and they've put the Beamer into a pole. Oh, no. Darling, I've someone's taken too many lorazes and they've put the beamer into a pole. I've put the Mercedes into another car. But darling, my life's so stressful, darling. I've got

a double booking on Wednesday morning with my run club. I've got run club and hair. You've got hair. Have another pill, darling. Nice to have a sip. Number three on the list of the top six Have another pill, darling. Let's have a sip. Let's have a sip of wine. Number three on the list of the top six stories from yesterday that felt like April Fool's pranks but weren't.

Alleged mother of Elon Musk's 13 child returns Tesla and sells it over child support dispute. A woman who claims Elon Musk's father to her baby says she's been forced to sell her Tesla after her child support payments have been drastically reduced by, I will again remind you, the world's richest man. Yeah. And would you...

No. It is satisfying seeing Tesla stocks declining. It is. Yeah. Imagine him in the bedroom. Do you know what I mean? Ooh. I know.

But it's obviously happening. Yeah. Can I say number two and number one? Yeah. It's a dead hand. I can't separate them. Oh, really? Okay, let's call them both number one.

A number one equal. The first time ever in a top six is a number one equal. Okay. Number one equal on top six stories that felt like April Fool's jokes but weren't would be yesterday when Winston Peters said this. What is your understanding of what it means and what do you take? What does busi galore mean? What does it mean with all those photographs?

Winston. I've got to say, I love hearing an 80-year-old man saying busi. Winston. Oh, my God. What do you think search is to? Busi. Busi galore. Yeah.

What do you think the Google search has been like for New Zealand? Don't they do trends? Don't they do Google trends? Yeah, they do Google trends. They'll be able to tell. Yeah, if you go to the Google search has been like for New Zealand? Don't they do trends? Don't they do Google trends? Yeah, they do Google trends. They'll be able to tell you. Yeah, if you go to Google trends and type in, I've got to say I absolutely love, because everybody was tip-toeing around this,

from thepress.co.nz, bussy is a term mainly used by the LGBTQI plus community. It is defined by Google as a portmanteau of boy. And the P word. Yeah. It's so... Wait, what? I'm going to have to explain

to my parents what a bussy is now. Yeah. Wait, one more time. One more time. I want your understanding of what it means and what do you take...

What does bussy galore mean? What does it mean? Oh, so galore? Like, it's just so good. What does bussy galore mean? No, no, no. Phil, don't go to bussy. He's got a busy day.

He announced the new fairies and he's Bussy Galore. And he's played Bussy Galore on the fairies. Well, I've seen a couple of fairies' bussies. I don't. Wow. And the other first equal story in the top six. What's going to be Bussy Galore? Did Christchurch Head Boys High Headmaster defecate on teacher's driveway?

ERA, here's poo allegations. What did you say? Head Boy or Head Master? Head Master of Christchurch Boys High Headmaster defecates on teacher's driveway? Question mark. ERA, that's our Education Review Authority, here's poo allegations.

A former Christchurch Boys High School teacher has told the Employment Relations Authority she believes headmaster Nick Hill left faeces at her property eight times. Eight different times. Eight times in retaliation for her raising concerns about him with the

board of trustees and the police. Susan Mowat revealed today that someone defecated on her Christchurch property repeatedly, leaving a most disgusting scene on the driveway. She said the first incident came soon after she spoke to the Christchurch Boys High School board and the police about serious safety concerns. Because of the timing, she suspects who was behind the defecation,

but she doesn't have proof. Did she not have a bloody, you know, Arlo camera or Arlo or something? Oh, yeah. An Efi. An Ufi. I'd get an Arlo camera or Arlo or something? An Efi. An Oofi. I'd get an Arlo camera if someone defecated in my driveway. Oh, you'd be installing one of those quick smart. You'd be so angry that you didn't have an Arlo camera before someone.

I know. Turded in your driveway. Use their bussy to turd in your driveway. Oh, my God. Vaughn Allen. Vaughn Allen. Vaughn Allen. Yes, Carl Peter.

That is today's top sec. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Get in touch with the lads. Before your time, Hayley. Yeah. I used to have a pussycat doll's covers band. It was boys. It was called the bussy dog.

So I did check Google Trends, and there has been a spike in New Zealand for the Google search term after Winston Peters said bussy galore. Yeah. What does it mean, bussy galore? Anyway.

Anyway. Okay. Well, guys. We're going to have to keep this. We'll dance around this next topic. Yeah, a little bit. I just hope they keep

baiting Winston Peters to say things on the news. Yeah, me too. It's fun. What's a top? What's a bottom? We're playing with Grandpa. What's preparations? What is prep? What a top? What's a bottom? We're playing with grandpa. What's preparations?

What is prep? What is prep? What's ammo? What are poppers? Are they the same thing? Who are you calling a twink? What's talking? Anyway.

What am I, an otter? What's that? Who am I, a bear or a twink? Am I an otter or a bear? I don't know. Am I a twink? No. No, it's not. No, you are not. Once upon a time? I don't know. Am I a twink? No. No, you are not.

Once upon a time, they might have been. Never. Never was that man a twink. Okay, guys, guys. I have a great Reddit thread here. It's actually on the Saul Goodman Reddit page. And the question posed to the group was people who had a one night stand that turned into an actual nightmare. What happened?

And some of these, I'm just going to kick you off. She knew she was already pregnant, tried to pin it on me a week later. Yeah. I feel like we need some follow up. How did you prove that that wasn't you? I don't know. I was considering sleeping with him and he asked if he

had any lube. He went and foraged around in his bathroom and came back with some dippity-doo bright blue hair gel. And I got the hell out of there. Oh, not hair gel. Not hair gel. Here's my favourite one. I'm just working my way through these.

My friend picked up a woman at a bar, brought her home, had a great evening. When he woke up, she was dead. What? Apparently, she had a heart condition that was aggravated by alcohol and she was intermittent at remembering her medication at best. Oh, my God. Imagine you wake up and someone's dead next to you

and you don't even know them. You might not even know their name. I met a hot, muscly Italian guido guy at a bar and ended up at his house. I don't know if we say guido. Oh, do we not? I don't even know what that means. Oh, God, am I Winston Peters? What is a guido?

Is that a pussy boy? Who's a pussy boy? Hot, muscly Italian guy at a bar, entered his house, amazing, perfect chemistry. But the next morning, I had horrible cramps and I gave birth to my IUD in his bed, which he had accidentally dislodged during penetration. Sweet Caroline.

Boom, boom, boom. Wow. Okay. So that was knocking at the door He was a large Italian man That's why they call them Italian stallions Stallions, yeah Yeah

Me I had a woman steal all of my CDs while I slept And I was a full-time DJ at the time Oh, how embarrassing Your CDs My friend had a one-night stand When he woke up. The woman had stolen his truck and drove it across Canada.

How long was he sleeping for? Canada is very wide. Yeah, I know. It is a big place. Very wide. Well, with these incredible threads on Reddit, these incredible stories. I think the one waking up then and she's dead is probably...

We've received a message, and I would say in our 20... Coming up 21... Yeah, it's this weekend. This weekend. That's why Paul might say in our 20, coming up 21? Yeah, it's this weekend. This weekend. That's why Paul might come to our lunch, our anniversary lunch. Is it serious? Was that a seriously anniversary lunch? Yeah. Was it a surprise for me?

Yeah. I'll be there. I'll be there. Oh, so now he's coming. Well, I didn't know that. Well, now I've got to amend the numbers. I didn't even know you remembered. You know that Fletch struggles to express his love for you.

And he was trying to do that with this lunch. Yeah. And you ruined it. I took it for granted. Yeah, you did. You took him for granted as you often do. You know what? This is why we've got an open relationship.

Now tell each other you love each other. I love you. Say it to your brother. Fletch. We're soliciting for calls. Let's move on. 0800 dials at M. We want to take your calls now.

You can text through 9696. But you didn't finish. You've received the biggest text message of all. The longest text message in our 20 years working together. I'm literally going to copy and paste it into chat GPTN and say, slim it down. Slim it down. Unless it's Damien,

and then we'll get him on the phone and he can tell us the whole sordid tale. We want to know your horrible one night stand stories. What went wrong? I suggest we do a podcast where we can say some of the ones we can't say on air. Yes, an overflow. A little overflow podcast because I just read one.

Not for on air. We want to know this morning, 0800 DARS at M, you can text her at 9696. Like, how bad did the one-night-stand go? Because there's an amazing Reddit thread. My favourite one, if you missed it, was that a guy took a woman home for a one night stand, had a great night, woke up in the morning and she was dead.

She was dead. She had a heart condition and she was dead. So we wanted to know your one night stand wild stories and we're getting them. I tell you what, as a father of a teenage girl, that one that I said was really long and I read it. It's given me, what's the thing where your stomach starts eating itself? Acid reflux.

Ulcers. Ulcers. Yeah. Long story, long one. But the background context is important. Basically, two 17 year olds told their parents they were going to stay with another friend in Pāuanui and then just drove straight past and went to Whangamatao with nowhere to stay with some boys. They got there. They found a place to stay with someone they knew fromonui and then just drove straight past and went to Whangamata with nowhere to stay with some boys. They got there,

they found a place to stay with someone they knew from school, but then the boys, shh. This is like what we don't do. This doesn't happen. The place they found to stay was like no boys, so the boys who gave them the ride and the only way they had to get home just disappeared. Then they hooked up with someone who said

he was Vaughan's cousin. Now I've only got one cousin that could fit the bill for this and he was with someone at that time and probably I wouldn't imagine a whangamata. I'm sorry to say 21 years later it doesn't happen. But basically they hooked up with these people from Rotorua and then

there was a whole lot of situation that basically involved a kidnap plot. What? I know. And they saw him enter a competition at a petrol station and that was, he stopped to enter a competition at a petrol station because that's what you do. Filled in all the

details and that's where she got the details so she knew who she was and rang someone from a payphone to just give the name for safety's sake. And this was all just like, it all went terribly wrong. This big long adventure. Oh God. Terrible. Someone said, I've got a few stories like this,

but the one that is fit for the radio would be when, in the middle of the night, the guy got up and peed on my pile of clothes in the corner of my bedroom. And pretended in the morning that he'd spilt a glass of water on them. I heard him talking to himself as it was happening, going, oh, God damn it, what have I done? While also hearing him still peeing when he did that because apparently it's very hard for men to stop once they've started.

In the morning, he had to put on some of those damp clothes. No, I had to. I had to put on some of those damp clothes and wear them to meet a friend. Oh, no. You need to sort out your floor drum. Yeah. That would have been a real wake-up call. No, I reckon she's gone to his house,

taken off her clothes, put them on the floor. In the morning, he's peed on them, but those are her only clothes that she's got to wear. Oh, my God. I think I just read the one that you read that you can't simply get on your own. I love that business. Here's my horrible one-night stand experience.

I don't know if this is appropriate to read on air or not, I think, but you guys will probably have a laugh. And then it involves... No. Save it for the Overflow podcast. A whole lot happened. I was once hooking up with a guy. He asked me to put on a beanie because he didn't like brown hair.

Wait, what colour was the beanie? Like blonde? I don't know if it was a blonde. Maybe he doesn't have a beanie problem. Just the problem is with brown hair. I don't think the beanie... I love that you were thinking of the beanie's Like blonde? I don't know if it was a blonde, but maybe he doesn't have a beanie problem. Just the problem is with brown hair. I don't think the beanie, I love that you were thinking of the beanies got hair on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like one of those normal jeans. Like a silly

no, no, no. Right. Yeah. Well, that time you went to Halloween as a Rastafarian. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. Like that. No, I didn't. Had the hair built in. No, no, that was, those are just my favourite colours. Oh, sorry. I love green. Oh, no, the one that you had the one with the feathers. You were pretending to be cowboys. No, no, no, no, I didn't. Had the hair built in. No, no, that was... Those are just my favourite colours. Oh, sorry. I love green. Oh, no, the one that...

You had the one with the feathers. You were pretending to be cowboys and... No, no, no, no, no, I didn't. No, that was a Halloween after. But the thing that ran through both of them was the brown face. Was your brown face with both of your make-up? No, that was the gollywog when she did the gollywog.

She did the gollywog. She did the minstrel. She did the minstrel show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I put on a full minstrel show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I put on a full minstrel show. Do your Nelson Mandela impression from that other time you dressed up. That was just for you guys.

It has been a long time and my prison sucks. Yeah, you're the one doing it right now. You're the one doing the Nelson Mandela. Oh, God. Also, a friend told me one night she went to a guy's place, needed to poo, blocked the toilet. Like, I just. Oh, no.

How do you block... She panicked and put it in the kitty litter box. But it turned out the next day they found out the cat had been dead for three months, just no one had the heart to throw it in the kitty litter box. That's so good. Wow, how did this poop get here? That cat's been dead for ages.

Yeah. Finally, he got to hook up with a guy I had a massive crush on in high school. I was in my 20s by this time. He had razor shaved his entire body. Oh, okay. But it had been a couple of days. Also, it went stumbly.

We both got neck to thigh rash. Oh, yeah. And just the scratching. It's like patch rash, but all over the body. That's why it's better to trim than shave down. Softer. Softer. Softer.

Yeah, softer. I got to shave down. Softer. Softer. Softer. Yeah, softer. I got to shag my high school crush. I had a crush on a guy growing up who was a friend's brother's friend. Really? You know that thing where you're like, oh, God, I've got such a crush on this guy. When I was finally in my 20s. I never got to. Tick.

Surprise. Was it worth it? God, it was disappointing in the end. You'd built it up for too long Yeah yeah yeah Too much of play Yeah yeah You kind of planned it out

You'd fairy tailed it Like literally at five years Of being like Yeah yeah That'd be nice That'd be nice Yeah yeah He could never have lived up

Do you know what I mean Men are ultimately quite disappointing Well A lot A lot that we can't read out So there will be a special Overflow podcast Make sure you upgrade that podcast.

iHeartRadio or wherever you podcast. Is that another one for the Overflow? Yeah. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. What's your jobby? What's your jobby?

What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? We all must sing. Sorry. Now we'll go to Tess first. Good morning, Tess. Hi. Welcome to What's Your Jobby? We'll ask you three questions about your job. If we can guess your job, you win $100 cash.

And we've been pretty terrible at this in 2025. Shocking, but we did it. We had a win. I'm going to ask a question that was posed by Shannon. Okay. Tess, based on your job, would people make the assumption that you earn a lot of money? No. Okay.

So we don't have a lawyer? That's Shannon's question. I think that's rude. You shouldn't ask people about their money. No, but it's not. It's technically not asking her how much she earns. She said, would we think from your job that you are making good money? We're writing off doctor lawyers, you know.

Okay, I'm going to go question. Is your job outside of what you're paid? Because no one's paid enough, let's face it. Is it respected? Yes, sometimes. Oh, my God. These are terrible questions for me. No, no, no.

They're great because she's not highly paid, but we respect her. So, like, I've said a million times on the show, you're nurses, you're teachers. Yeah. You know, you're doctors. Anybody in health or education, they're not paid enough. I mean, private is different. But very respected. But very respected. But very respected.

You know who aren't respected? The people that hold the stop-go signs. Not respected. Not respected. A lot more respected because there's one by my place and there's this guy and when you go through

he gives you the mana wave. Boom! Does he? And you mana wave back and he just looks so stoked when you mana wave back. Yeah. So if you're going down that road

between, what is it down to? No one goes down that road. There's thousands it down to? Funopai Airbase. No one goes down that road. There's thousands of people. I always manawave them as well. You manawave that dude by Funopai. Now, so we've got a job that people wouldn't presume earns a lot of money, but a job that mostly is respected.

Okay. Do you work, should I ask, maybe works with children? No, because both medical. Yes. What about do you work with bandages? They works with children No because Both medical And nurse What about Do you work with bandages They're very specific They're so specific Because even then

In early childhood Educators would have the bandages What about animals Do you know what I mean Vetti Vetti She's giving Vetti Do you think

Vetti's giving Vetti No because People think Vets are rich Now they're not Because they charge you Six thousand dollars For little tittles, broken leg. Yeah, but all their stuff and their time and everything costs a fortune

because it's not government subsidised. I think she works with food. That's just a feeling. If you're okay, shall I ask? Yeah, I think you should ask. Wait a minute. Lots of people work with food. Oh, my God, Vaughn.

We've just got to eliminate it. We've just got to ask a question, don't we? Do you work with sick people? Okay, do you work with sick people, Tess? With what? With what, sorry? Sick people. Oh, no.

Stupid question, Vaughn. That was so dumb. That was such a dumb question. I have no idea if she's on a nurse or a doctor. Do you see how Vaughn bullied me into asking that? I actually witnessed that firsthand. Oh, my God. I actually witnessed that.

And after nearly 21 years. Now I'm going to take a stab in the dark because we've got nothing on Tess. Way you go, Vaughan, because you bullied your brother. I'm going to say she's a teacher. Okay. Tess. She's up early. You can hear she's on the way to work.

Teachers have to get to work early. Yeah. They're respected but not paid enough. They're respected but not paid highly. Okay. Her name's Tess. That's cash. Yeah.

Okay. That's the cash version of Tessa. Tess, are you a teacher? No. Nah. Of course she isn't. What are you? One.

I'm an administrator. Okay, yeah. I, to be honest, don't respect administrators. Oh, Tess, don't you listen to him. Tess, don't you listen to him. Tess, wow. Wow. I respect administrators because, you know, they sort things out and they pay you,

don't they? They do it all. God. Sorry, Tess, that sucked. That round sucked. Sorry, Tess, unfortunately. Quick fire round. We've got to ask these questions quicker. Okay, Jane, good morning. Good morning. Don't start listening at this time, call us. Jane, Jane, Jane. Jane, Jane, Jane. Okay, Jane, good morning. Good morning. Do you... Oh, Jane, Jane, Jane. Jane, Jane, Jane. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Okay. Jane, do you work in a building? This is the dumbest question ever. I do work in a building, yeah. Okay, I've narrowed it down. I mean, that's the dumbest question ever. Oh, no, no, she doesn't work in a farm. That's not a building.

That's in the Great White Open. One job eliminated. Or a zoo. But then the zoo has buildings. Jane, do you work in a uniform? Do you wear a uniform to work? No, I don't. Okay, so she's not a policeman.

Jane, do you have to dress formally? Oh, smart casual, I suppose. I don't think office. She didn't administer something office. She doesn't even just move moving forward with what's her job and we need more questions. No, because she works in a building. Yeah, she works in a building. She works in an office. Not wearing a uniform.

A bit smart cash. A bit smart cash. Okay, so I'm thinking. She's an administrator. If anything I've learned this morning, it's everybody's an administrator. Jane, are you an administrator? No. Oh, well.

Oh, what are you? What's that? What are you an administrator? No. Oh, well. Oh, what are you? What's that? What are you? I'm a naturopath that works for a supplement company. We would have never got there. Wait, in a building? Yeah, she said in a building. In a building.

We would have never got there. Unfortunately, yeah, sorry about that, Jane. And a first-time caller, long-time listener. Naturopath as well. Unbelievable. Nikki, good morning. Nikki. Morning. Welcome, good morning. Nikki. Nikki.

Welcome to What's Your Jobby. Nikki, does your job take you around? Like, you're not just in the same place every day? No. See, now, that was a really good question. That was a really good question. She's not a merchandiser. She's not a merchandiser.

She's not a travelling salesman. She's not a truckie. Nikki, do you have to use a calculator in your job? Sometimes? Okay, but the hesitancy told us a lot. Stupid question. So she's in one spot, sometimes uses a calculator. I don't want to always go to last.

I might ask if she works in a building. Don't you dare. If she's using a calculator, I reckon it's safe to say at some stage she's in the building. And if she's in one spot. Someone's just messaged in saying, I'm going to hold your hand. And when I say this, I'm going to look deep into your eyes. This is by far your worst segment. Please retire it.

Is it because we don't win? We don't win enough. We don't get enough wins. Okay, Nikki. Nikki doesn't use a calculator, but sometimes does. What was your question? She's at the same place every day, sometimes

uses a calculator. Do you work with children? Do you work with knives? Knives. What was that question, sorry? It was the dumbest question. No wonder this with knives? Knives. Hold on, what was that question? Sorry? It was the dumbest question. No wonder this person wants to see me retired. Do you want to work

with knives? Do you work with knives? No. Okay, so she's not in the kitchen. Not food. But also not a doctor because they knife you.

Do they? Well, no, technically those are scalpels. No, that's a knife. A scalpel is a knife and Nikki, you need to know that. A scalpel is a knife. And Nikki, you need to know that,

that a scalpel is a knife. She's either an administrator or a teacher. And we've already had an administrator, and so I'm going to go teacher. What are you thinking? Teacher. Well, it's either administrator or teacher. I would have thought teachers use a calculator a lot.

Yes, exactly. No, because they've got to show if they're teaching young kids. And administrators would always be using a calculator because they're administrating. So that's okay, so teacher. Because there's only two jobs possible in the world. Correct. I think she works as a garden centre.

But if you want to say teacher. I want to say teacher. Okay. Nikki, are you a teacher? Yes. Yeah. Oh, my God. Wait, I would have thought teachers use calculators all the time.

Oh, she might teach English. No. What do you teach? No, no, no. I teach little or one, so I teach five and six-year-olds. Oh, you don't do calculators yet. Yeah, if you didn't do calculators, you were a real fickle at that stage. I'm sorry that we're not celebrating a bigger win here.

It's just that we've just had such a bad run of it. We wouldn't have got there if it wasn't for my knives question. Because we eliminated so much of an industry there. Also as a... Butchers. Yeah. Kitchen staff. People at Subway.

Knife makers. Knife makers. Actually people at cafes. It's a brilliant question. At the Swiss Army factory. That is a brilliant question. So many people. Briscoes.

Homeware stores. Murderer. Murderers. What is the tax code for a murderer? It depends if you've got a student loan or not. MR. If you have a student loan, just M if you're just a murderer. MSLR.

Nikki, congratulations. 100 dollars. Thank you so much. And what a great segment. Message that person back and say. Good luck. Actually, there's a few more that are coming. Oh, someone.

Worst segment ever. Why are you assuming it's a teacher? Because it was. Yeah. Apology accepted. I think you'll find 156. That assumption was correct. Yeah.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley have better hearing than men. Oh, my God. are you kidding me? I don't believe this Absolutely we do I mean, I have terrible hearing because I've worked in radio for so long That I put my headphones down and Hayley's like Oh my god What is happening?

They're like speakers My hearing's so good, I can hear that something's coming that I don't want to hear So I purposely don't hear it Like a train? No, I mean like unwarranted advice or a dick. Or someone's not helpful negative reaction to something

I've done. I can see it coming so I'm just like, turn off. So apparently women have approximately two decibels more sensitive hearing than men across all populations studied. I have incredibly sensitive hearing. Like if we're in bed and there's a tiny scratch or a drip or there's music playing in a nearby suburb,

I am like, that's going to drive me crazy. And then you can't sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very sensitive hearing. And I wonder because I'm still fresh in radio, but I only put a headphone over one ear, if I'll keep a decent ear, you know? Oh, okay.

Keep a decent one. But I do listen to my music very loud in the car. So apparently the right ear consistently demonstrates slightly better hearing than the left ear across all populations worldwide, regardless of anything, ethnicity, environment, or language. So your right ear is better. It's my raw ear.

It's my open and exposed ear. That's the one that you don't put a headphone on. Yeah. So I feel connected to you guys in the room. I haven't heard a single thing you've both said. Like I said, I engaged my selective hearing. Really? I could not tell you a single thing you've said.

Let's talk about it. You pointed to a right ear. Let's talk about it. Do you feel, Fletch, do you feel that in his old age, Vaughn's becoming somewhat of like a curmudgeon? Like a prick. I was born a prick. Not becoming.

Continuing as. I've been curmudgeonly since I was a child. Yeah, this is true. Yeah. I'm going to turn off again now. I don't want to hear anything else that's mean about me. Do you know what I mean? And he's got sort of a weird nose. Okay, I was tricking. Wait, you guys both listen.

I'll say a word real, I'll whisper a word, and you tell me what I'm saying. With headphones on. Because you're whispering into a microphone that will literally amplify it up so it's boosted so we hear it. He's going to say pussy. Look at his lips. Look at his lips.

I thought about it. I thought about saying it. I thought about saying it. I thought about saying it. Bussy. Bussy. Too loud. See, that's what the hearing test should be like, not those beep, boop, boop.

Yeah, yeah. What's the word I'm going to say? It's a beep for a perfectly good reason. It's an easily measured decibel situation. I don't know. I've never done it. I can't hear them, can I? You can't hear anything other than

play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I received a message out of the blue from a friend. A friend I went all through school with. She said, oh my God, I just read my school results and my report. Why didn't you guys tell me I was done? Oh no!

I shouldn't be educating children. She's a teacher now. Oh, right. Okay. I said, what are you talking about? She said, I got out my old reports. Shit, that was depressing. Let's just put it this way.

I have no leg to stand on if my kids bring home bad grades because that would be hypocritical. I said, I always recall you being quite smart. Okay. But the report says otherwise. Yeah. She said she tried really hard in year nine

and we got put up and then by the end of seventh form, it was done. There was no gas in the tank. This was the 90s or the 80s. You could be quite ruthless. Yeah. And it wasn't just like, what is it now? To motivate you.

Yes. Pass, fail, or excellence? Is that what the merit? Oh, achieve, merit, excellence. I don't think they say the F word anymore. Not achieved. That's what it is. Not achieved.

Not achieved, achieved, or excellence. No wonder they can't answer the F word anymore. Not achieved. That's what it is. Not achieved. Not achieved, achieved or excellent. That's no wonder they can't answer the phone. Fail. They used to write fail in the 90s. They used to write fail and then brackets loser. And sometimes fat loser as well. Fat. That was PE.

PE if you fail. They'd be like F is for fail. F is for fat loser. Yeah. And you are both. But yeah, she was just saying they were pretty savage. And I was just like, oh, I don't remember. And I wouldn't remember what mine said.

Mine was always the odd playing up or acting up or could be better if he focused. Yeah. A hundred percent. You know. A hundred percent. Bubbly vivacious. Bubbly and vivacious.

No, that was your dating profile. I think so. That's your Tinder. Hi, my name's Fletch. I'm bubbly and vivacious. I, that was your dating profile. I think so. That's your Tinder. Hi, my name's Fletch. I'm bubbly and vivacious. I'm cosy and warm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love long walks.

Wait, am I a villa? Yeah, you are. Cosy, insulated. You're drafty, but you've got great indoor-outdoor flow. Okay, great. I definitely had some scathing ones from particular teachers.

Yes. Because like, I was good at the subjects I was good at, like English and music and drama but then like math and all that was like does not apply herself and one of them was like I don't know

why she bothers turning up that was math yeah I got a wasting that wasting his own time and mine and mine yep I had a bit of that teachers would never say that now would they they wouldn't be allowed to would do better if she was not so busy being a larrikin. Shut his mouth and open his ears, I think I got once.

Yeah, love it. Which I was like, jokes on you, my ears are always open. Like you can't open your ears. Can't actually shut them. You can't actually shut them. You dumber. Were you supposed to be teaching me biology? Yeah, I didn't realise you were so thick.

Ms. Johnson. Yeah. We want to know the roughest comment you ever got on a school report. Like the one. Because it'll be in you. Maybe it's stuck with you. Yeah, we're going to delve into the archives because teachers haven't been able to pull this shenanigans for.

No, it's going to be constructive now, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'll chuck it through. Like, they'll write. But it probably still hurts. Now. Yeah. You know, like, little Timmy is thick as pig shit.

But then you copy and paste and you put it in a chat GPT and you're like, please help me get this across without using pig shit. Obviously, that's appropriate. Soften the blow for little Timmy, who is, and I want to reiterate. I will reiterate to you, my robot overlord, thick as pig shit.

Thick as pig shit. Yeah. So maybe it's a comment that stuck with you. Or one you got on repeat every year. That was me. The same reports for however long I was at school. Was anybody in their report ever requested to just chuck it all in and leave school?

Just leave. Imagine if the teacher wrote, just leave school. F off. A teacher gave me my exam results written next to it. You better marry rich. That off. Okay. A teacher gave me my exam results written next to it. You better marry rich. That's good stuff. Great advice. It is great advice. I'll give them that.

If you can. 0800DARLS.M Call us now. You can text through 9696. What is the worst comment you got on a school report? We're talking about the worst comments you got on your school report. There's some savage ones coming in. I knew if we popped back, just popped back to a few decades ago. Yeah.

Yep. Before the world got all soft. Yeah. You know, back in the good old days. You could call a fat kid fat. Yeah, don't you speak Māori? Yeah. Shush. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. Yeah. Fun. Yeah, and you'd even call a not fat kid fat. Yeah. Just keep them on and you'd even call a not fat kid fat.

Yeah. Just keep them on their toes. That's how the teachers were functioning back in the days. Mm-hmm. Boy, there's some savage ones, such as the person who messaged in their report said a trained ape could do better at the schoolwork. Oh, no.

Oh, my gosh. Obviously, they haven't forgotten about that. Oh, my God. Christina, what was the one that you remember in your school report? Hi, my gosh. Obviously, they haven't forgotten about that. Oh, my God. Christina, what was the one that you remember in your school report? Hi, good morning. First time, sorry, long time no see. First time caller. Welcome.

I can feel it. Christina, welcome to the final. Thank you. So when I was in year four, so I was eight years old, I got defensive when challenged. Yeah. And are you, Christina, defensive when challenged? I just, I'd like to say I know when I'm right.

That was both defensive when she was mildly challenged. Yeah, it's still there. Defensive when challenged. It's still there. Yeah, so my mum complained and so she added on the end, Christina is a good library monitor. Well, that's a nice compliment. Okay. Yeah. You'll take that.

But defensive when challenged. We're running a tight ship, like when someone returned a book late, you'd give them a rock up. Yep, absolutely. I wouldn't want to cross you, Christina. Oh God, no, she's very defensive when challenged. Tight library, for sure. Thanks, Christina.

Dana, I was going to say Dana, but it's Dania. What was the comment you got in your school report? So basically throughout my entire school life, I got told that being funny won't get me any money. It does, yeah. And that I need to stop making jokes and focus on my work. Yeah.

No, jokes are the joy of life. The world needs clowns. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I make all my money. Being a clown. Being a clown. Being a professional clown, basically.

I make some of mine by selling fizz sticks and other Arbonne products. If anybody's listening that would like some. And your feet pics on OnlyFans. And my feet pics. But your predominant amount from being funny. Daniel, did that kind of stamp out any kind of career in comedy? What do you do now? Well, now I'm just a mum.

Hey! Hold on! Just a goddamn minute! You're not just a mother. The hardest job in the world, Danny. The most important job in the world. That's right. Um, but... Hey, except... Except what you said.

You blew us off. You are a mother. Yeah, good girl. Carry on. But no, I never considered going into being a comedian because I get terrible stage fright for one. Oh, yeah, me too. So I automatically suck.

But, yeah. Do you now just do lame comedy for your kids? Yeah. Like, peekaboo, oh, I was here all along, you know that stuff? Oh, no, my kids don't think I'm funny at all. That's actually what you're describing as magic. When mum goes behind the hands and disappears, that's magic. Oh, okay, funny faces, is that comedy that's magic. Oh, okay. Funny faces.

Comedy is... Oh, I beg your pardon. I beg your pardon. Dania, thank you. Some messages in. My PE teacher wrote, Alison works hardest when the boys are around. Yeah.

Because you're trying to impress her. Because I'm running. Holy mackerel. Someone said, I shit you not when I say, a teacher wrote on my report, spasmodic. What?

I need to know what year was it when a teacher thought they could write that on a report? I hope it was pre-80s. I'm hoping it was in the early 2000s. Yeah. That was a real strike off the list. I feel like some, I feel like, yeah, okay. That's not good. We don't say that.

In singing class, my music teacher told me I sound like a patient out of an operating theatre in front of the whole class. I still can't sing to this day. Sing, it's a joy. I mean, they were, yeah, but they were probably right. Like, if you can't sing, like, don't. Oh, gosh. Some said it wasn't in my report, but I saw my maths teacher at the pub years after I left school, and he told me I was the main reason he gave up teaching.

That's good. That's got to sting. That's got to hurt. I got an A plus on my economics exam and my male teacher asked me in person, I wish it was written down because it would have been easier to prove, that if I'd slept with the examiner. Now, you can't ask anybody that's a student of that. I love this one, nice and clear.

No work, no progress, no hope. That's from 1975. Yeah, that's good. Oh my God. No work, no progress, no hope. Yeah. I was told I'd only ever be a housewife. Shame sucker.

Now I've got a richful career and my husband cooks. Yes. I'll be cook. Cook me pasta. Cook me some pasta. What are you getting the man to cook pasta for? I'm not a man. Cook me pasta. I'm at work. Okay. How much? What are you getting the man to cook pasta for? I'm not a man. Cook me pasta.

I'm at work. Okay. How much? What do you want? I want spaghetti. I'll cook you some spaghetti. What's happening? What's happening?

We're all playing sexy office chat. I'm uncomfortable. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello? It's me. I'm cooking you pasta. Oh, yeah. What are you making for me tonight?

It's steamy and I'm making it al dente. Pasta spaghetti. Are we going creamy or tomato based? Tomato based, of course. You know I don't like creamy pasta. It upsets you a little tummy, doesn't it, boy? It upsets me so much. It's not my cup of tea.

No. Let's read another text. This is weird. As a modern teacher, I wish I could use any of the words that you've said in this segment. We are getting so much trouble if we speak out of turn. Oh, God, yeah. My teacher called me a pineapple lump. Brunette on the outside, blonde on the inside.

Oh, wow. That's actually really rude. Remember when blonde jokes were just the way to go? Yeah. I love this. My teacher wrote in my report calling me a slippery snake. Oh. You slippery snake.

Ring, ring. Hello. I'm cooking pasta and it looks like slippery snake. You're a slippery little snake. Stop it. I'm going to come home and tame this little snake. Back to the day. This snake's going to bite you.

Back to the day. I'm going to tame Basi. You better play a tune on your foot so I wouldn't die. Shannon just said that blonde jokes still happen. Do they? And do you know what? I did my speech on it and I name dropped my teacher who called me a dumb blonde. Yeah, you call it out.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Fact of the day day day day day do do do do do do do do do do do do do And Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's upside down week here at Fact of the Day.

I'm having fun. You're having fun. You've both said it's up there with calendar week for you and the most memorable fact of the day themed weeks. You've heard some of the words we've said about calendar week. You guys are always on about calendar week, so I assume you loved it. And you're just negging it because that's your kink.

Sure. Sure. And I'm totally okay with being negged if that's your kink. Okay. I'll go on record. Okay. I want it known. Neg me.

Yeah, okay. calendar week. Bust him off. Calendar week sucks. I just had this overwork. I think I'm just on the verge of losing my mind. Now. Just on the verge?

Upside down, upside down week. Today I want to talk about traffic lights. In a standard traffic light, they can be arranged horizontally. That makes things a bit different. I've seen that. America loves a horizontal back. Yeah. Predominantly, that's on multi-lane roads

and they have like different lights or different lanes indicated. But if I was to say standard vertical traffic light with your red, yellow, yellow, your green, from top to bottom, what are the colours? Red, yellow, green. Correct. Yep.

Orange or yellow? Orange. It could be either or. It's orange. But in some countries, it's definitely more yellow. You said it more yellowy. More yellow. This is a fun little fact and I loved in some countries, it's definitely more yellow. You said it more yellowy. More yellow. This is a fun little fact, and I loved it.

Oh, he's talked it up. Do you know what I mean? It better be a fun little fact. No, I was waiting. I saw the traffic lights, and just when you're on a red, when you're about to go, it gives you a little orange flash so people can be like, get ready to go green. To minimise traffic jams.

Or when it's green and it flashes, it's solid green, and then it starts flashing to indicate you haven't got long. Yes, and then it goes orange. But then that's an orange, isn't it? Orange is already doing that job. It's a pre-orange green. But then I've also seen a countdown, a red light countdown. Yeah, I like that.

And I like that because then you can be like, I've got 10 seconds to go on my phone. Oh, at the light. And then get ready to go. Sorry, I thought you my phone. Oh, at the light. And then get ready to go. You're driving towards a red light. It's counting down to when it's going to be red. And you're like, I'll just quickly jump on my phone. I'll just quickly jump on my phone as I fly through this nearly red light.

No, of course. I love the countdown. Hayley and Vaughan, I'm joking because it is illegal to go on your phone. I don't. I jest. It is. I don't. I don't even own a phone.

Syracuse, New York has the world's, from my research, only upside down traffic light. It's a green at the top. In Tipperary Hill neighbourhood. It's a long way to Tipperary. It's a long way. I think it's named after the original Tipperary. It's got its own Wikipedia.

Don't read, don't read. I was going to say, why do you think the green's at the top and the red's down the bottom Is it something to do With God Kind of Green is go God Is it lots of trees and it's all green

No It's more about the sunset No, the sun It's heavenly What colour does green represent if I say country green? Oh, Ireland. Ireland. Ireland.

Now, Tipperary Hill is full of Irish immigrants. Oh. Lots of them. And they saw red on the top of the traffic light symbolising Britain. Oh. And so they were like, we don't want it. We want green. We're Irish.

We must simply be above. We have been held down and and oppressed too long by these these british bastards they say right so they flipped it around so they say where they officially like petitioned to have it and um because the irish youth kept breaking the light with slingshots and stones they gave up and then in the 1920s they officially flipped the light upside down placing green above red to appease the Irish community and it has remained as such ever since. Amazing.

That's so funny. That's very sensitive, isn't it? It is. It was the first version. You know, I actually love seeing a themed crossing. I love my rainbow crossing. Okay, right. Love it.

Love it. Huge ally here. I love my rainbow crossing. Okay, right. Love it. Love it. Huge ally here. I love the Wellington. This heterosexual cis white male saved the day by saying I'm a huge fan. Oh my God, thank you so much. Huge fan. I mean, it's been a struggle for all of us. Yes.

Especially for you. Cis white, straight, middle class white guys. I love the... Who grew up in a basket of privilege. Kapahaka ones in Wellington. I love that. That's what I was getting to. Yes.

They're my favourite. Or there's the Kate Shepard one as well. She did too much. Kate Shepard? Yeah, a bit yappy. Shut it. Yeah, it's just like, all right, calm down. I love those memes where people are like,

what I'd say to Kate Shepard when I found out it meant that I had to work forever. Shut your mouth. You shut your mouth. I'm going to have to get up at 7 o'clock in the morning and go to work for eight hours. Shut up, Kate Shepard. Like a dumb man. I have to do what a dumb man does now. Shut up, Kate Shepard.

So today's fact of the day is there is one upside down traffic light in the world that I can find, happy to be proven wrong, always ready to correct myself. I'm happy for a council to flip a traffic light. the world that I can find, happy to be proven wrong, always ready to correct myself. I'd be happy for a council to flip a traffic light. Flip it. And report back and say you've got the world's second upside-down traffic light. Yeah, that'd be great. It's in Syracuse, New York.

It's an upside-down traffic light, and the green's on top because the Irish demanded it. Fact of the day, day, day, Tay, Tay. Friday, that we were dishing out absolute roastings to each other. Because remember, I'd done a stand-up comedy gig the night before, and I ate. It didn't go well for you. No, no, you didn't eat. No, no, I ate crap. When you say ate, it means you did well.

No, no, no, I ate shit. I ate shit, yeah. So we just roasted each other a lot. People were here for the roasting. Especially you. Well, it was giving and receiving. And then on Sunday, we got a stern word that that had to stop. I've seen this a few times and it's like,

what did you say to us that time? Fun Hayley's not here. Yeah, Fun Hayley's not here. And that's when you know you've got to stop. Like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, Fun Hayley's not here. Fun Hayley's just gone. Because this week, you've got to get ready for your comedy show.

Yeah, shows. And I was like, yeah. You're going to Australia. Going to Australia on Monday. Fun Haley's because this week you've got to get ready you've got to get ready for your comedy show yeah shows and I was like you're going to Australia going to Australia on Monday Vaughn and I have held back the roasting this week yeah yeah we have but turns out

that that might pull us apart guys great study and I sent this to you guys on Instagram as well because it was being talked about on a like a like a psychologist

podcast thing okay about the benefits of friends who ruthlessly and they've used friends who ruthlessly, and they've used the word ruthlessly, roast each other. And it's called pro-social behaviour.

It's pro-social teasing as opposed to anti-social, which is like I'm roasting you because I don't like you. The pro-social teasing we're doing, it shows a level of comfort and a level of trust and care and love and it brings That's the loudest you've ever said love and it's a shame it wasn't preceded by I and followed with you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's okay.

We have filled in the blanks. But that friends that are safe and comfortable with aggressively roasting each other are often more honest with each other, aggressively roasting each other, are often more honest with each other, closer with each other, have stronger friendships and more long-lasting friendships. It means you like someone if you're roasting them.

Yeah, it does. It's like it just means that you know them well enough to be like, oh, God, let's absolutely. But what about when there's a new friend in a friend group or, you know, in an environment, and then someone just starts to roast them because, you know, maybe everyone's getting along, but they don't take it well? You've got to earn your stripes. You've got to earn your stripes.

Yeah. Do you know this? And they also say playful verbal sparring builds tension in romantic relationships. Oh. Shut up, you. Like a bit of... Negging. Yeah, a little bit of like... A little negging wiggy. Yeah. Shut up, you. Like a bit of... Negging. Yeah, a little bit of like...

A little neggy-weggy. Yeah. Like what? Like you're so ugly. No, no. Oh, yeah. Your body is so unattractive. No, don't do that.

Stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Who would ever want to make love to you? Yeah. I mean, you've gone too far. No, no, no. You guys aren't good at it. You guys aren't good at it.

No, that's playful verbal sparring. It was. That's playful verbal sparring. You've just been really mean to someone. Really? Yeah. That's more like sabotage. What are you?

What are you? A small virgin? Ha ha, ugly boy? Something like that. No, it's just playful verbal sparring. I don't think that's... No, that's not going to work. That's gloves off, like, while punches to the head.

It's so true. The friends that roast are the best friends. Oh, God, yeah. 100%. And you've got to, the thing I love about roasting is you go, you don't roast something like lame t-shirt or like silly hair. You go to the core. Really because I feel

like I was wearing the Wallace Cotton black t-shirt and I was roasted endlessly because you guys called it my nightie. Because Wallace Cotton is a sleep brand. But they teamed up with the other place to just make a comfortable t-shirt. Because it's a nightie. Because Wallace Corden is a sleep brand. But they teamed up with the other place to just make a comfortable... Because it's a nightie. You want to wear your pyjamas to work.

That's fine. The thing is, it's not pyjamas. It's just a t-shirt. Your little sleep nightie because it's longer than his other tees. It's a nightie. What she said 20 seconds ago, listener, was you don't go for something like the shirt,

but listen to it now. Yeah, but I'm going for that because I know it gets you to your core. This is why when you... It does. The roasting last week being like... It really makes me so angry....not funny. You're like, we can do that because you're like, you to your core. This is why when you, the roasting last week being like, not funny, you're like, we can do that because you're like, it's the core.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You cut deep. It's like how we used to roast Dr. Shawnee about only working, what was it, two days a week? And I think we're like, we know it cuts. And it's a sign of a beautiful, long, strong friendship. Is he still prescribing crystals mostly? He doesn't do that. That's what we did. And that's also a roasting a beautiful, long, strong friendship. Is he still prescribing crystals mostly? He doesn't do that.

And that's also a roast thing that he didn't like. He didn't like that at all. It's like our friend James in the friend group. Everyone roasts him, but that's because everyone loves him. Oh, I know. The most loved member. And because there's nothing bad about him. So when you try to be negative on him, it's automatically funny.

It's hard. And he smiles and you're like, but we're being mean. See, what's the cheesy pleaser? Yeah, but sometimes it does go too far. No, I know. I see it coming. Oh, yeah, you've got to know your audience. You've got to know the friend.

Like when they start crying, stop. Oh, no, not always. Or when they go quiet and they start looking down. When they go quiet and look down and give up. Yeah. That's when you're like, no, no, no, we've got to stop now. And then that's when you move on to the person who's laughing the loudest and is real confident about their place as head of the group

and you just attack them. Sleep nighty. Oh, nighty over here. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Fletchbourne and Hayley, sillyletchborn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Is it okay to have bare feet at a cinema? In Australia? Bit of a debate because somebody posted at the movies someone's stinky feet poking between the seats

and resting on the armrest. And someone's like, no, no, no, no. Are we the most barefoot friendly country in the developed world? 100%. We love bare feet. 100%. Oh, yeah, totally. I would happily go to a shop or a super

with no shoes on in the summer. I don't care. Yeah, that's nice. That's cool. Beach to concrete to grass. Well, only 15% of people said it was okay to have barefoot in the cinema. 85% said, ooh, no.

The cinema floors are pretty great. They do their best to clean them, but like, ugh. Well, the first horse out the gates, she's bolted before the starter gun's even gone. Grumpy Lisa. Grumpy Lisa. What's she got to say? Okay, the grumpy's high on this one.

WTF would you have no shoes on at the cinema for? That's feral. Then you'll take those nasty things into your home and then eventually wash in them. But until then, all that nasty in your shoes and in your house. And get a grip. Just do better, people.

I think it's more guys or girls with sandals or jandals or Birkin's off. You just slide them off. I've done that. Georgia, are you raw dogging in the cinema? It depends how busy the cinema is. Yes, yes. Like, if there's people in front of you, you can't be sticking your toes through.

It's like the plane, right? But if there's no one in front, I'll dabble. But also, like, the seats are so good and big now. Even, you know, the ones that you don't pay heaps of money for. You've got your own sort of space. You've kind of got so much room that you can't put your client on. The shoes are definitely coming off. In winter, I'll take the boots off and just let the dogs and the socks.

But you wouldn't have a stinky foot. Nah. If you took your shoe off and you were like, that's a bit stinky, you'd put that right back on. But you're not going to take the socks off if you take the boots off, are you? Nah, leave the socks on. I was going to say. Leave the dogs in the sleeping bag, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

Why would anyone want to if you're staying in the state of that minging carpet, says Adam? Yeah, it's that multicoloured carpet so that it doesn't show up. Like bus seats. Like bus seats. Put a blue light on there. Yeah. I dare you. Ooh, a blue light.

Yeah. In the cinema. No, but you can see what you're saying. You still said it out loud. You still said it out loud. I know I thought you stopped, but you said the whole word. I mouthed it. You mouthed it, but you breathed out at the same time.

You definitely did. I mouthed it. You did not. I heard the J's, the two Z's. I heard the I-N-G. Because I don't think blue light picks up spilled Fanta, Hayley. Yes, it does. Our vacuum cleaner has a blue light to pick up dust.

Or are you only picking up the J's? That's not an actual CSI blue light. Yeah, but that's what I mean. Don't you have to squirt the spray on and then use the blue light to find the blood in other human residual fluids? Maybe somebody that works in a forensic lab could tell us. Doesn't your friend work in a lab? Yeah, she does, but she works predominantly with drugs.

Okay, well, she might know about the blue light and Fanta. Yeah, yeah, right. Yes, my husband and I relax in the recliners watching the movie with our shoes off, said Rhiannon. Yeah, right. Yes, my husband and I relax in the recliners watching the movie with our shoes off, said Rihanna. Oh, Rihanna. Jessie, 100% okay

as long as it's once you've sat down and got yourself comfortable and if you need a nip to the toilet, you've got to put your shoes back on because otherwise

you're going to get wheeze on your toes. Oh, you don't want wheezy toes. I work at Hoyt's, says Michelle. Okay. Please, hang on. I've just received an email

Dude you said jizz before And I mouthed it I mouthed it You did not Look at the poor producers They are shocked you said that We've got text confirmed I heard j said that.

No, I mouthed it. Nah, dude. You tried to pull out and you just didn't. You just finished there. I think you're hearing something. You put words in my mouth. The people. It was something because you said it.

You put it all in your mouth. Please don't say hoits like that again. Hoits. Hoits. Once we had a liquor... Okay, hold on. Let's go back to the start. I worked in hoits.

I was a health and safety... There was a Jesus Christ. It was a health and safety policy that we couldn't allow people in without shoes since we had a liquor license and there could be smash glass or vomit on the floor. I personally had to tell people that we couldn't sell them tickets unless they had shoes.

So these are people who are rocking in barefoot. Oh, no. Not sitting down and then derobing the dogs. I don't think you should be walking into carpeted areas with that. Like, supermarkets are lino. Dairies are lino. It's just going to be like dust. The ice cream shop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ice cream shop. They're not carpeted areas. I don't mouth that as well. He said it out loud. He said it out loud. The only places where bedfetters are acceptable is your own home and the beach. Put the dogs away everywhere else.

Tim from Timaru. So you didn't hear that because I mouthed it. What? Exactly. Carry on. Yes, but don't put them on the seat in front, you filthy animal. If you're wearing jandals and sandals, slip them off all good. Otherwise, you know, keep some shoes

on and have some bloody decorum says Nev. Yeah. Decorum would be nice. I think the one thing lacking from this break is decorum. Any decorum. This break has been sans decorum. A shocking lack of decorum. Well, there we go. Put your shoes on at the movies.

I think it's the overwhelming response there. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm blasting for a poos. Blasting for a poos. Jesus. Give us a review. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.