ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 2nd May 2023

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Car Cleaning  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Train Improvements  Where do you hide the spare key?  Vaughan & the Thigh Machine  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Thanks to McCafe. Great things are brewing, one cup at a time. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Barmy. Some places are barmy. Barmy, barmy.

I do, barmy. Well, for this time of year, you'd say barmy, absolutely. Because I've got clothes that need a colder temperature. And they're sitting there redundant. I would just sell them at this stage. No, I've got my new leather jacket. And I've got a huffer puffer. I'm just going to sit there unworn.

I'm wearing a singlet today. Even down south, it's warm for this time of the year. Yeah, it's cooler, but shoot. It's because, I tell you, the tropical cyclone, we just got the remnants of one that's brought a lot of warm air down from the equator. So she's a warm one. Should we go to the beach? Well, no.

It's probably not that good for that either. I think it's going to be raining for most of the country on and off for off for the next 10 days we can't win yeah that's depressing isn't it no god you got to think about the the penguins they must be getting hot do you think they'll have to start shredding do you think we're going to start seeing skinny penguins skinny penguins yeah maybe like not getting the blubber and stuff on for each winter. Skinny little beers. Like, damn, Paul, you're keeping it tight. Penguin's from New York. That's Paul. Paul the Penguin.

Paul, yeah. Of course. So what's this Antarctica all about? Coming up on the show, the top six train woes for the capital city. Yeah, Wellington's like, wah. We've got trains. And the rest of the country's like, well, that must be nice.

Yeah, they've got trains. A lot of people have trains. But they're just not working properly. Yeah. Which is fair enough, they're wiring. More reliable than no trains. No, they're not very reliable at the moment. It's not true.

But they're more reliable than no trains. Because a no train doesn't run. Yeah, like I see your point. I see your point that if you don't have trains. The train won't be on time. A late train once a day is better than no trains. Bingo. Something like that.

I mean, I see you're trying to look for silver linings. I'm a silver linings guy. So far on the show, I think I've brought three silver linings to your negativities. Sure. But I've got the top six ways to make trains better. Okay. Because they've been given some money, the capital city trains. The Kiwi Rail, yes.

Yeah. To try to make it better for Wellingtonians. So I've got the top six things. If I was in charge, what I would do to make trains better. Silly little poll on the way. Goosebumps. Do you get goosebumps listening to your favourite song? Yeah, someone messaged me yesterday after the ASMR silly little poll

saying, what about songs? Because they got goosebumps from listening to songs and they have since they were like a teenager. I don't, I don't. I love my favourite. I listen to a favourite song, but it doesn't make me goosebumps. Yeah, I get a little. There's always like one note in a great song that you're like, oh.

Oh, really? I wish I had that thrill. We'll delve into Silly Little Pals sooner on the show. Next. Somebody is upset with Jetstar. Well, that's unlikely. This is probably a company first. It's better than having no Jetstar? Well, that's unlikely. Well, it's better than having no... This is probably a company first.

It's better than having no Jetstar. All right, Silver Linings guy. Shush. Oh, God, you're positive today. Why are you so positive today? I'm not. Bring back cynical Vaughn. I regret it all.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. There is a woman who is basically suing Jetstar. She's asking for sort of, what is it, compensation. Right. For emotional damages caused to her. Now, so this is a New Zealand woman. Are you allowed to do that here in New Zealand?

Because we don't sue each other. It's not like Australia or America. We're not suing, but you can say say like, you have to pay this to me. Right. Damages, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because basically they cancelled two flights in the last minute with a beautiful 3am text message.

You know, that she probably would have missed the day before the flight, the morning of the flight, essentially. And then she got that and morning of the flight, essentially. And then she got that and was like, okay, fine. And then they got her another flight and then they cancelled that. And so she was like,

I'm looking for some money back from you for emotional distress. You've cancelled two flights in 48 hours on me and it put me through the ringer. And have they commented on this? she said it was less than four hours before one of the flights was meant to board

if I hadn't have stayed up all night doing her own thing I also would have never seen the text and just gone there they've been travelling to a concert okay so they missed the concert or they were late for the concert they were late for the concert? They were late for the concert.

They ended up having to pay close to $1,000 to get from Christchurch to Auckland for this concert. Oh, my God. I don't know what the concert was. God, we've had some good ones. If it was Christchurch to Auckland, emotions running high, it would have been that country and western fellow.

Yeah, you're right. That Georgia likes. Because that was real Christchurch comes to town, that whole situation. I don't know. There's been like something on every like two or three nights at Spark Arena. Right, enough to drag Christchurchians up. Yeah, loads. Loads of big acts.

Do you got a date there? Because then we can do some investigation. We can back investigate. April. April. April, sorry, she was refunded morning of April 8th

April okay so April 8th she came out for Papa Roach maybe maybe it might have been Papa Roach was that when Papa Roach was

and the used it was only it was a few weeks ago well you'd be upset you'd be wanting emotional oh I tell you what damages

they're not going to come back I don't know when Papa Roach will next emotional damages. Oh, I tell you what. They're not going to come back. I don't know when Papa Roach will next be in New Zealand. Yeah, I think you've missed them there. She should have done what Aaron did. I don't know if we mentioned this, but when Aaron, because I was meeting Aaron in Bali because I was in Australia. You've been to Bali?

Oh, my God. Have I not brought that up? It's interesting. Oh, my God. It's such an amazing place, full of culture. Yeah, my God. Have I not brought that up? You've never mentioned. It's interesting. Oh, my God. You've never mentioned. It's such an amazing place, full of culture. Yeah, almost a year ago, I was in the beautiful Bali. It was truly stunning. The people, the food, the drinks, the weather.

Oh, my God. Have you seen this Australian guy who got naked and went on a rampage around an Indonesian village. Oh, for God's sake. And now he's getting lashed. He'll be lashed. Like 40 lashes. He's going to smack you.

And maybe some prison time. He's going to smack you on the bum. Yeah, and now the village has to sacrifice a goat. Oh, for God's sake. As well. Are you serious? To appease, yeah, 100%. And this guy is just like, oh, I just had a drink.

I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. Just one drink. Classic Australian. Well, when they, because Jetstar cancelled Aaron and our friend's flight over to meet me in Bali. Yeah. And it was the same thing. I was on tally in Australia and Aaron couldn't text me to be like, we're not coming.

Yeah. Because essentially there wasn't a replacement flight and they said you could go to Hawaii. And he was like, yeah, but my fiance's in Bali waiting. And then. Wait, so this was in Auckland or they'd got to Australia. can go to Hawaii. And he was like, yeah, but my fiancé's in Bali waiting. And then... Wait, so this was in Auckland or they'd got to Australia? They'd got to Australia. Right. And then they offered them to fly them like Phuket or Hawaii or somewhere else.

Oh, Hawaii sounds pretty good. Yeah, I know, but I was in Bali, Vaughn. I was going to be in Bali. He sees you all the time. My three friends go to bloody Hawaii and I'm in Bali. Yeah, I think so. Like Vaughn would leave his wife in Bali and go to Phuket. Yeah, exactly.

Would you? I wouldn't go to Phuket. No, because you've been. No, it's also not my favourite part of Thailand. Yeah, Phuket's a bit. Oh, no, but you just get straight on a boat and go to the islands. Oh, yeah. Well, anyway, when they said that there was no way that they could get them to Bali,

Aaron sort of pulled one of them aside and utilised his acting degree and he put on a fake bit of BS tears What? And then said to the Jetstar people that I was over in Bali to meet them, he couldn't get hold of me and our friends were there to be the witness at the surprise marriage

He was like, I'm finally surprising my fiancée with the wedding of her dreams. And did he cry? Yeah, he cried With his acting tears? With his acting tears Oh my god. Didn't feel a thing. So that's why he got on a flight. And then they crammed them into the flight that they had overbooked. Yeah, and then they ended up in Bali. So they must have pushed some other people off that flight.

Suck it. We were getting married. Well, we didn't, you know, but as far as this person knows. And she was like, oh, my God. You're telling me your fiancé's going to be there? Oh, my God. Surprise wedding. Oh, no. He's like, yeah, that's where my two friends are God. You're telling me your fiancé's going to be there? Oh my God, surprise wedding. Oh no. He's like, yeah, that's where my two friends are here.

They're the witnesses. And the woman's like, we can move them over with Nova, Greg Grover. Yeah, exactly. She was like, I recognise you. And he's crying. He's crying. We can't upset Greg Grover from Nova. Yeah, no, absolutely.

Wow, and it works. And it worked. Yeah, see, if you've got a jaded old divorcee Jetstar employee, she would never have let that fly. Oh, I know, and they were, and apparently all the women surrounded were like, oh, my God, a surprise wedding. Give them our seats.

Give them our seats. I know. And their husbands are just like, give them our seats. Yeah. So, if anyone, oh, by the way, if anyone from Jetstar asks, we're married. Okay. Secret's over with me.

Clay, Zed M's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. How often in a year do you clean your car? In what manner? Yeah. Like clean. Like clean it, wipe it. Like drive it through a place and be like, here you go chum. And then they wait.

No, no. And they clean it. I mean technically yes, they're cleaning it. Yeah. I let the rain do the external cleaning. Yeah. Now, this is when I'm talking about my car, the Mazda. Yeah. I don't know.

When it, like, gets so bad that I'm, like, can't better be in it. You can smell something? Yeah. Like, at the moment, because I haven't been driving it, there's obviously a leak. It's very damp. Like there's sort of a must. Yeah. I remember I left two bags

of compost in the boot. I reckon it's that. Added to the must. And the fact that the windows have been shut for so long. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you should crack a window. But you were...

Oh my God, I think someone might steal it. Your car had a damp smell. The Honda before you got the Jimny. So rude. So rude. R.I.P. You had hay bales in the back seat. It was grim.

It was a working car. Yeah. It's a farm car. It was a working class car. With working cars, you don't clean them that much. We've got a ute, right, because of the renovations, and it's all full of dust and jib dust and crap. What's the point of cleaning it?

You're going to go pick up a bloody... My auntie used to wash her car every week. Every week? Every week. She would inside, outside her car. What? She always took a lot of pride in her car. She always upgraded them every couple of years

and always had a nice Commodore. And would wash them every month. Surely once a month is enough. Yeah, that's more than enough. I would have thought once a month would have been ample. Ample. Well, it's more than enough. I would have thought once a month would have been ample. Ample. Well, it turns out 18% of drivers

clean their car three times a year or less. Have you ever washed your car with really nice stuff? Yes. And then afterwards you're like, oh my God. It makes a world of difference

and it does. I got sent some Swiss technology. Swiss technology? The Swiss, well, you know. Is it chocolate? Yes, it's Toblerone. It's chocolate. And you just rub your car in Toblerone and then just let the ants do the rest.

Yes. But it stayed cleaner for longer. Like the stuff couldn't stick to it. Because it put on like a protective. It must put on some anti-static-y thing and everything just fell off. Yeah. The chimney at the moment is, because it's been so wet. Yeah.

Yeah, she's a dusty. She's a dusty gal. She's a dusty gal. Oh so wet. Yeah. Yeah, she's a dusty. She's a dusty gal. She's a dusty gal. Oh, dear. Yeah. Well, researchers at Aston University, that's in the UK, they took samples from a number of different cars to see how much bacteria was in people's cars.

They found levels of contamination that rivaled the average toilet seat. Yeah, gross. Yeah, my master would be horrendous. Like, you think about all the food you eat and it goes everywhere. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, my Mazda would be horrendous. Like you think about all the food you eat and it goes everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just leave it there.

Oh, I had an apple on the way to work every morning. What am I talking about? But I don't eat a lot in my car. Oh my God, eating in my car is one of my favourite things. That's why I'm really struggling

with having a borrowed car at the moment. Because you're constantly hungry. And you don't want to eat in the Aldi. No, exactly. And they just groomed it recently. And same thing, you know, they would have used some nice stuff.

Yeah. And it looks swish. Well, it's probably German technology. Some people have messaged in. Oh, okay. Every Sunday I wash my car inside and out. What if it's raining? When do you wash your car? Do you wash it outside and kind of like wipe it off, then park it undercover and give it the old chamois dry?

Yeah, I don't know. This has inspired me. I want to wash my car today. But there's Sundays already busy enough with like the washing and house chores. Yes. Is this Simone Anderson texting in perhaps? Does she wash her car every week? Yeah, she does a little car thing.

Yeah, yeah. She does a weekly reset including vacuuming the car. Do you think it's therapeutic for these people? I think so. It is nice getting it. It's like for sheets. I blew up the minivac. Get yourself a decent

brand minivac. Not a super cheap shit house. It's the inconvenience of it, isn't it? Like the buckets and the wiping and the little and pulling the bloody

vacuum cleaner out of the house and the cord. The Dyson doesn't work in there. I don't Dyson. I don't have a Dyson. Well, you know the Dysons,

the stick ones. Yes. You can bench one. The V10s or whatever. They're terrible for cleaning a car. Right. You need an old school

corded vacuum with a hose. I know, but that's so... Get that in there. You've got to wheel it out the bloody porch. Just go to the service station and use that dollar vacuum. And you've got the whole car

to do with a dollar. Yeah, you've got to really go all out. And then you put it in a coin and it does the reversing and it spits like cherry-flavoured juice all over your seats. Yes. Somebody else said I wash my car weekly. I feel yuck and dirty and messy inside. I'm a builder and I clean my ute every week.

Why? That's got to be a rare appearance. That'd be the cleanest builder's ute in the country. Everyone gives me shit for my shiny car at work. Yeah. Yeah. You've got a shiny... Here comes Dave in his shiny car.

The person that we were wondering who had the time, they wake up early on Sunday morning and do it before the missus goes outside. So I wake up before the missus and go outside and I go and clean the car. What, you think you're better than us? You think you're better than us because I don't clean my car? My best friend washes her car inside and clean the car. What, you think you're better than us? You think you're better than us because I don't clean my car?

My best friend washes her car inside and out every week. Also takes the Dyson with her to work so when the kids are finished eating their toast she vacuums it up as she drops them off at school. She needs the mini vac.

Full time car vac. She needs the internet mini vac for $10. Nah, you'll burn that thing out. It didn't go very well lighting the barbecue. In reverse function. Yeah, but you were reverse functioning.

I was giving it an X. I was giving it an X. I think you were utilising it you were reverse functioning. I was giving it an X. You were, yeah. I was giving it an X. You were utilising it in the wrong way. I was giving it an X. Yeah. Play it. CDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Today's silly little pole. Do you get goosebumps while listening to your favourite song? Not a thing for me. Not a thing for me either. I'm just going to try to see the name of this man because looking at this man who messaged me, you would never assume this man would become overwhelmed emotionally. Oh, do you think? He has a tough exterior.

He had a big, tough exterior. Okay. Right. Shane. Okay. Shane looks like a tough bloke. Yeah. But he's in touch with his feelings.

Yeah, right. And that's hot. Good for Shane. Oh, Shane got married in February this year. Oh, no, it was his one-year anniversary. He's been married for a little while. Okay, well, he's obviously a romantic, maybe. He's a big, big romantic fella.

Nice guy. Here he is out motocross riding with his pals, probably talking about their feelings and such. I mean, he just... Nice guy. Nice looking guy. Yeah, it's nice. I enjoy talking to men about getting in touch with their emotions.

He messaged me saying, could you do us a little poll asking how many people get goosebumps when they hear their favorite song? I've just found out not everybody gets this. And I said, oh, really? What song does this for you? And he said, well, there's always been a song. There's quite a few.

I discovered it when I was a teenager watching Natural Born Killers. What a romantic movie. And Bomb Track from Rage Against the Machine came on and I got goosebumps. But lately, so you're imagining, here he is motocross riding with his chums, natural born killers, Rage Against the Machine. But lately, I've had it while listening to Olivia Rodriguez's Driver's License.

After the break in the middle, there's a rush of endorphins. Yeah, there is a big sort of build-up in the middle of that song. Oh, okay. So then that's where Shane gets the goosies. And this is a thing for people When they listen To certain songs Yeah I get it There's like a few songs In my life

That you'd be like Give you a Really? Yeah yeah There'll be like A certain bit And it all kind of Clicks in together

And you'll be like Holy moly It's more sad songs For me I guess But I can't think Goosebumps Because goosebumps Is always paired up

With erect nipples And of course I keep a journal Of every time My nipples are erect You do God you need a new Notebook by the way

I know It's full up Yeah January through May Full up Yeah 2023 Has been quite the year

For nipple erections Yeah Do you get goosebumps Listening to your favourite song Yes 59% No 41%

Right So it's way more Because when I voted It was way less Okay Earl said Not a favourite song But songs from different

Significant times in my life That take me back To that time Times that mean something Then I get goosebumps From the memories And the music It's the power of music

Isn't it? Do you think it's my tiny nipples That don't let this happen? Prohibit you Prohibit me What's your nipple journey Looking like? Journal Looking like for 2023.

Because he writes in them so small. Yeah, I've only used a page. Oh, God. That's so sad. On my 1B5. That's really sad. Josh says, yes, goosebumps and some of those little water droplets in my eyes when listening to All Too Well by Taylor Swift.

Oh. Yeah, the producer's nodding. They get it. They get it. They get it. It's apparently a bit of a goose bumpin' juicer. Maddie says, only the song I walked down the aisle to at my wedding. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. Yeah.

Now I want to know what song. Yeah, Maddie, let us know what song you walked down the aisle to. Surely it's Adele's cover of To Make You Feel My Love. I mean, that's pretty much the only song anyone's walked down the aisle to in the last... Yeah, or Ed Sheeran did a... One, didn't he?

Shape of You. Was it Shape of You? It was the... No, no, no. Shape of You. Na, na, na, na, na, na. It's not that one. But no, Ed Sheeran

has like a million funeral and wedding songs. Yeah, and wedding songs. Renee says, no goosebumps, but all the feels get very real when I hear songs.

But now she's jealous She's not getting goosebumps Oh sorry We didn't mean to I get goosebumps and tears Adele's version of Make you feel my love Oh yeah Absolutely

It ruins me I called it Says Ash You saw it there Backstreet Boys I want it that way Saw them live this year So freaking good

From Lee And that That was goose You are My fire Saw them live this year. So freaking good from Lee. And that was goose. You are my fire. Me we. Deez. Let me get a cheers.

It's Cartman doing Backstreet Boys. Me, me, me. I don't know that part. Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Oh, my God. So there you go. People do get goosebumps from music.

Who knew? Beautiful. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. This is terrible news, and we only have 4.6 million years to fix it. Okay. So we've got to act. The time is now. We've got to. Okay. So we've got to, the time is now. We've got to go hard and we've got to go early.

I don't know if humans are good at this because global warming, we've got a lot less time to fix that. There's still time. And we're not really rushing. How many, 4.6 million years? Yeah. Let's just leave it for now. Let's leave it for the next.

Famously, we'll just leave it. We'll just deal with that. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. This is leave it for the next. Famously, we'll just leave it. We'll just deal with that. When the time, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. This is all about the Y chromosome. Apparently it's disappearing. That's ours.

It has been for quite some time. That's our chromosome. Doodles. Yeah, that's your, the thing that decides your sex at birth. Double X is females. I'm double X.

Females born. Yeah, and XY is assigned male at birth. Double X is females. I'm double X. Females born. Yeah, and XY is assigned male at birth. And also a bloody lovely model of the Ford Falcon, the XY Falcon. Oh, is it? Beautiful. I'll pull out. You'll like it. It's a bit of a classic.

Yeah, you reckon? Sometimes your Hamilton comes out, eh? Oh, yeah. I like it. I like it in doses. In small, tiny, small doses. What colour do you want your XY Falcon in? Orange.

Red. There's an orange one right here. Of course there is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are going to be on board. Look at that. Sold for 1.1 million Australian dollars recently. Yeah, I'll buy it.

That's a beautiful, eh? The old XY Falcons. I'm a little short. I'm a little short of 1.1 for a car. You're short 1.1? I'm short 1 short. I'm a little short of 1.1 for a car. You're short 1.1? I'm short 1.99999. Yeah, okay. So you've got $100.

Cool. Oh, no. Sorry. And then minus 50. Okay, yeah. So you've got 50 dollars. I'm just not good at maths. So apparently the Y chromosome is,

I mean, it's not necessary for life because I don't have it. XX, we're fine. But in order to make more humans, we can't have all XX. Yeah. Even though that would truly be delightful and just a beautiful break. Carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Apparently it's been the Y chromosome is always appeared slightly shriveled compared to the X part of it. It's a bit weak. But it is cold at the moment. Yeah. And scientists have been looking as to why this is,

going like, why is that shriveled? Is shriveled just like a metaphor or is it actually like... No, it looks like it's weaker and skinnier and... Oh. Yeah. But it's a grower. Yeah. We're a grower.

It's a shrinker. It's a shrinker. It's not a shrink. It's shrinker. It's not a shrinker or a thinker. And it's not a grower or a shopper. It is neither. It is they're saying over the last 3.5 billion years in which we've existed or what year is it?

No, we haven't existed for 3.5 billion years. Well, the like human race that we kind of started, right? Oh, like life. How we evolved. Okay. If you don't believe in the Bible and if you don't, shame on you. It's saying that it's been degenerating that whole time.

Just the Y chromosome. And so in a few million years, it'll just be females? 4.6 million years left before it disappears from DNA altogether. Will you miss us? Yeah, I like a male energy. Yeah. For sure. I won't miss your bullshit. Likewise.

When we're gone, it'll be the sweet release of extinction. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Kiwi rail bosses have been called to the Beehive to explain major disruptions to Wellington's rail services. Michael Wood, Transport Minister, has asked executives to explain themselves.

And those protesters keep blocking the roads, don't they? Hell of a time for transport in Wellington. People in Wellington have had enough. Yeah. So apparently there's a speed limit on trains because of something's broken. And the government since 2017 has invested $8.6 billion in improvements. Oh, yeah. To the network.

That's across the entire country, not just Wellington. Much of it's just kind of like maintenance that hadn't been done for years. New culverts, bridges, upgrades, et cetera, et cetera. But the only specialist track evaluation car, which sometimes you see one of these, they get towed by another train and it like scans the rails. I've never seen that. Too far apart.

Have you ever seen like a Jeep or a four-wheel drive on rails? No, I've never seen that. For if they go too far apart. Have you ever seen a Jeep or a four-wheel drive on rails? No. I want one of those. I've seen a digger on the rails. A digger and it drives on and then goes up onto its rails and it's just like... I want to go on one of those old things where you pull and push the...

A jigger, yes. One person on each end. Yes. How fast do you reckon you could go? Is there one? Is it motorised? Can you get a motorised? The problem with old rail, if it's not being used now,

it gets pulled up and turned into like rail trail bike tracks. You've done that. What's that one in? Is it Taumurunui? I want to do that. That's so much fun. The old railway between what was supposed to be New Plymouth and Taumurunui.

Right. And they've got little golf carts. Golf carts on the rails. And you're wing. Is it what's it called? Forgotten? Forgotten something? Forgotten Highway.

Don't know. But yeah, real fun. Worth doing. Yeah. Okay. It's crazy that they were like, let's just build a railway through here. We don't really know.

It looks pretty rough. Oh, yeah, we'll give it a go. Tunnels and stuff. All you go through tunnels that are like 100 and something years old. It's crazy. Sounds safe. Very safe. Lots of fun.

So there's a please explain. So I thought, well, put me in charge and I'll make trains better for everybody. Okay. Top six ways to make trains better. Number six, allow robberies. Yeah. But it has to be on horseback.

You're allowed to rob trains, but you have to do it from a galloping horse. And you've got to stand up on the saddle and then jump onto the roof of the train. Go through the hatch. With a bandana and six shooters and be like, put all your valuables in the bag, I ain't going to ask twice. I don't know if commuters coming in from Johnsonville want that on their mute. Yeah, maybe. Why wouldn't you?

So hard. Number five on the top six ways to make trains better. I have noticed they don't hover yet. Okay. Hover trains would be better.

Hover trains. Okay. Hover trains. Right. And then they wouldn't need rails so they could just go anywhere. Where we're going, we don't need rails.

Yeah. They could just hover. Go in the sun. Well, maybe not. Maybe a school bus. The magic train. Yeah. Where are we going today, Miss Frizzle?

The sun. We'll never come back. That's right. It's a suicide mission. Follow me, kids. Number four on the list of the top six ways to make trains better. Make them go as fast as the Japanese ones. Oh my God, I know.

Because the Japanese ones look fast when you see the footage of someone on a Japanese train looking out the window. But then have you ever seen ones where they go past someone standing still? Yep. Insane. So fast. Yeah. And there's some European ones that are absolutely honking as well. Does your skin go like the whole time like you're jumping out of a plane?

If you're on the open deck. Imagine that you pop up for an open deck and you just happen to catch a sparrow in the face. It'll go straight through your head. So the Shanghai maglev. 320 k's an hour? 286. 460. No, 460 kilometres

an hour, sorry. I was in miles. And then the next fastest train, also in China 350 k's an hour. I mean, was in miles. And then the next fastest train, also in China, 350 k's an hour. I mean, if there's a rogue sheep, I don't think

we could do this here. There'd be a rogue sheep or a ute on the tracks. What do they call the things on the front of trains? Cow, cow shifters.

They're literally, No, what is that? Hold on, I don't know. They do have a name. Cow catchers. Cow catchers.

Cowcatchers. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, because they were like that. So people thought, oh, it's for snow or rocks. It was literally for animals to puff them out the side. Good fun. What was I up to? Now I'm thinking about cowcatchers.

Number three on the list of the top six ways to make trains better. If they all had faces like Thomas. It would make it so much more forgiving if the train was late and you could see a little face chugging up the track a little bit like, Sorry. Oh, my God, sorry. I couldn't be mad at that train. No, who could be mad at that train? All is forgiven.

Number two on the list of the top six ways to make trains a bit better. Make them just a little bit more like roller coasters. Not full loop-de-loops, but maybe a bit. A couple of whiney-doos, yeah. Whiney-doos, a couple of whoop. Yeah, so someone's about to drink from their keep cup and they're like, whoop. Yeah, fun.

And number one on the list of the top six ways to make trains better, if when they were driving, because, you know, they go... Yeah. Have a play to tune. Oh, yeah, okay. Like the Bee Gees. Didn't they write that famous Bee Gees song?

Oh, that could be annoying, though. Because they were driving over a bridge. By the way, I use my walk. I'm a woman's man. No time for talk. That is today's Top 6. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We want to talk now about where you hide your key,

your spare key, your outside key. I don't... Because people... We haven't really evolved. No, from under the mat. From under a mat, under a rock. This kind of got us... We kind of talked about this yesterday

and we thought we've got to delve more into this because it's so Kiwi, isn't it? Yeah. Just to leave a spare key outside. Yeah. I'm very lucky to have an Aaron because Aaron is, he's just hypervigilant with that stuff

and so he'll always put it in the craftiest 10 step hidden spot. You'll never get in. You need a map. Do you need a map to... It's under the mat. I'm throwing people off the scent. It's under the mat. No, he does. He'll always,

if we've got, leaving it out for a neighbour or something, they've got their own now, so that No he does Like he'll always If we've got Leaving it out for a neighbour Or something They've got their own now So that's fine But you know He'll always go It's here And you've got to go here And that'll lift a thing

And that's a thing And then you've got to go And down to the back And that'll open the back thing It's like an escape room But in an escape yard You know Yeah

He doesn't want people Stealing our taxidermy They're coming for it You know Yeah The fake rocks Always look obviously fake. Are people still doing the fake rock? Yeah, there's still a fake rock.

It looks particularly fake when there's only one rock. Yeah. It's got to be in a... You best buy like 12 fake rocks at once so it looks like some sort of rock arrangement. You'll waste their time. The fake rocks never look like other rocks that you get from the river.

So you're probably better to hollow out an actual rock. Could you drill a rock? It would be a long, slow process, but you could. You could. And then just bung. It'd have to be a big drill bit, eh? It'd have to be a big, strong drill bit. Yeah.

With a lot of water. Lockboxes are good. With a code. Yeah, a lot of like Airbnbs use those now. What about those new, I really want one of those, Yale is that brand. Yeah. That's like Wi-Fi.

Oh, yeah. So it's on, but then if your internet's out or the power's out, how do you get in? You're pretty good at it. Oh, yeah. I always imagine

you get home drunk and your phone's out of battery and you finally get home and then everything's dead and you can't get into your house. No, you find whereabouts your Alexa is in your house and from and you can't get into your house. Find whereabouts your Alexa is in your house and from outside you yell Alexa

unlock the door. Because I house sat for my dad's best friend once and he had one of those fancy ones you put your hand on it and then you put in a key code. But same thing if I'd had a couple of drinks I'd be like oh I don't know.

And then it's like a test how drunk are you do you deserve to get in tonight. There's a six in it. There's a six in it somewhere. We got onto this because you pulled up your friends who left the spare key out.

Oh, ages ago, yeah, they had a little statuette, a Buddha statuette at one of the doors, and it was on the piss a little bit, and the key was under there, but they'd left the key ring on because key rings don't sit flat with keys. And then I took the key ring off

and put it back under there, and then they asked me what I did with the spare key. I said, it's still under there. And they said, oh. And I said, yeah, I took the key ring on it because key rings don't sit flat with keys. And then I took the key ring off and put it back under there and then they asked me what I did with the spare key. I said, it's still under there. And they said, oh. And I said, yeah, I took the key ring off. And they were like, oh, okay. What'd you do that for? It was some great revolutionary idea to make it sit flat. But yeah, it's a classic. Under a pot plant. Actually, do you

think people are going to... In the gumboot? Yeah, and we want you to call us now, but do you think people are going to call because you're now telling them? If they've got a really, really good hiding spot, they don't want to tell us where the hiding spot. Yeah, but call anonymously. We won't say anything. Yeah, call anonymously.

If you've got a bad one or a good one. Yeah, we want the good stories and the bad, the good places that you hide your keys and the terrible. Maybe you just don't care. Leave it in the letterbox under a mat. I can't. Leaving it in a letterbox is bad. In a boot.

But you need a key to get into a boot. No, no, no. A gum boot. A gum boot. And then you just tip it forward so it slides to the front. I love when someone's coming to pick up your car and you just leave the key on the wheel. Yeah, on the front right-hand wheel.

Yeah, front right-hand wheel. Driver side, front side. Okay. Take it away, burglar. We want to take your calls now. 0800-DARLS-IT-M. Text in 9696. Where's your spare key?

Where are you keeping your spare key? Yep. The good hiding spots, the terrible ones. And maybe it's so good, your hiding spot, you forgot where you hid it. That happens too. Where do you hide your spare key? Is it ridiculous? Or is it like a great spot we should all know about?

But then it becomes the next under the mat, you know? Yeah, that's true. We're ruining it. Tell us one where we're like, whoa, and everybody listening is like, yes. And then they tell some people and then everybody's hiding their key. Yeah. Thanks to McCafe, great things are brewing one cup at a time. It's ugly.

Yeah, but you could hide it behind a pot plant or something. Under the house. They are a little unsightly. Yeah, but just hide it. You could hide it behind a pot plant or something. Under the house. They are a little unsightly. Yeah, they are. They need cute ones, like a Hello Kitty one. Okay, now that's tacky. You know what I mean? That's not tacky.

That's cute. Can you imagine arriving to your Airbnb and it's a Hello Kitty lockbox? Let's leave. Leave the Airbnb because of the Hello Kitty? You just wanted one. I love Hello Kitty. We've already kind of paid, so let's just Leave the Even because of the I just wanted one I mean we came all this way We've already kind of paid So let's just

Forget the lockbox And try to enjoy the weekend Yeah And then you're sitting there On their couch Having a beautiful Looking at a beautiful view And you're going like

God damn that lockbox I can't I can't stop thinking About the lockbox I can't let it go Let's smash the lockbox And say it wasn't here When we got here

Okay And we'll throw it in the ocean I'm feeling terrible Still thinking about this lockbox Where it should be. Someone said their key is above their door on a retractable... So it retracts up and you can't see it and it's above the door. You have to reach up to feel it, but it retracts down.

You can unlock the door and then just let it go and it goes... Like on a lanyard. Yeah, like on a retractable lanyard. That's cool. That's cool. That's good because you wouldn't see it because it's on the door. You have to run your hand along there. Maddie, where's the spare key hidden?

So at our house, it's in an old mousetrap, so like a plastic mousetrap. So if you put your fingers in it, it goes crack. No, so it doesn't work, but people don't tend to look there because they think it's a loaded trap. Oh, of course. So one of the really old plastic ones. That is really smart. What a great idea. That's such a good idea.

That is a good idea, actually. Because if I was robbing someone's house, I'd be like, ooh, yuck. There might be a mouse in there. There might be yuck, dead mouse poos or something. You could go a step further and you know those little plastic fake dead mice you get? Put one of those in there and put the key on the underside of it.

What do you mean? I've never seen a fake dead... Like a fake mouse. Yeah, like you get from the T-Dollar shop. Yeah, like a Halloween. You throw it at people and they go, Frank's sick show. Oh, right.

Yeah, that's good. Good idea. Thanks, Maddie. Bradley, good morning. Whereabouts is the spare key hidden? Oh, in the peg bar on the clothesline. Oh, that's a goodie, actually. That's a good one. How far on the clothesline. Oh, that's a goodie, actually. That's a good one.

How far is the clothesline from the front door? Oh, probably five metres, something like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but what about when you're drunk and you have to kind of rummage through a peg? And they always get wet. And the pegs are wet. Yeah, you're just like...

Your wife comes out, what the hell are you doing? Trust me. In my experience of when I've got the key out when being drunk, yeah, it usually knocks off the clothesline. Yeah. Pigs go everywhere. The pigs go everywhere. Can't find your phone for a light and, yeah,

well, you're on your hands and knees for a bit, aren't you? Yeah. And then you've got to pick up the pigs before you mow the lawns next or you're just going to be blowing those pigs to bits. It's a nightmare. It is. It's a Kiwi classic, though. Thanks, Bradley.

Sam, whereabouts do you hide the spare keys? So one of our door keys is underneath our heat pump unit, like our outdoor heat pump unit. Oh, yeah. That's good. That's a bad good one. You have to lie down and kind of reach your arm in and hopefully you don't get spiders on you.

Yeah. Imagine if the one thing that put you off robbing a house was spiders. Yeah, like, man, that's a big TV. I broke into the... Oh my God, Danny Longlegs! I regret my life of crime. That's a goodie, I like that one.

Front door is a fingerprint one, so don't really... How many fingerprints can you have on it? Like the whole family or friends The front door is a fingerprint one, so... Oh, that is... How many fingerprints can you have on it? Like the whole family or friends and... Yeah, yeah, I think you can have up to 10. Oh, would I let you guys have a fingerprint to my house? Yeah, but it's in your house.

I've still got a key and a swipe card to your house. I found it the other day when I was cleaning out my bedside drawer. Oh, my God. Because I remember I told you I gave that back to you. I didn't give it back to you. I know, I know he didn't give it back to me. I lost it, I lost it. But I found it again.

Now, can you please put it in a safe place? It's in my bedside drawer. That's not a safe place. When he's away, we should go over. When he's away. Because he's got that drinks cart and it's all... That thing is embarrassingly full. It's so full.

There's dust on one of the bottles. We need to make a den. I've never had a whiskey bottle in my house with dust on it. And I find it... You know I don't drink whiskey. It's only there for if you visit. I find it offensive. Thank you, Sam.

Some messages in. Where do you hide the spare key? The good and the bad places. We went away for three weeks and got home and mum went to get

the spare key from under the mat and it wasn't there and we found it in the front door. They were away for three weeks with literally the key

in the door. Oh, so they left. Hi to my welcome. They left it. Someone must have, you know, you know when you're going away three weeks ago,

you're going on holiday, right? You know when you're like, oh my God, I forgot the charger holiday, right? You know when you're like, oh, my God, I forgot the charger. And you go back in, you grab the spare key because the car's already running and the keys are in the car. And you open it with the spare key and you go get the charger and you just slam the door on the way out. That obviously didn't put the key back.

Wow. But they usually keep it under the mat. So, I mean, the burglars were going to find it anyway. Please don't do it under the mat, people. It's so easy. It's right there, you know. Inside a camouflage container rammed in the hedge by the door. Oh, that's good.

You're never going to find that. You're never going to find that. But a geocache. Yeah. Yeah, camouflage container. Our spare key is usually found in our teenager's room. He will use the spare key to open the house when he gets home and never puts it back.

And then when you've locked yourself out. It's in their room. He's in trouble. It's in their room. He's in trouble. It's in their room. Getting a reno done, I didn't want to hide a key, so I gave one to the builder. Because you always hear about houses that have been renovated and been robbed of all the stuff.

And then at the end of the renovation, I said to the builder, oh, I'll grab that key back. He's like, oh, I never took it with me. It's just been under the mat the whole time. Thanks for that. Lots of people saying barbecues. Oh, yeah. Under the barbecue hood.

Oh, that's a good idea. And then you put the cover over the barbecue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of a two-step situation. What if someone stole your barbecue, though? You know, now you've... Yeah, fair call. Lost your spare key and your barbecue.

Yeah, taken the whole bloody barbecue. Taken the whole unit. We've got an electronic slash lock. A what? Slash. Slash. S-L-S-E. Oh yeah, that's a brand. Oh, right, like Yale. Yeah, like a Yale. Okay, everyone has their own codes or you can use your phone to unlock it.

That's nice. I want that. That's nice. Bang my phone. Oh, yeah. We had a spare key and a rock in the garden, but rather than flipping over and seeing the key on the bottom of the rock, they threw that rock through the window and then unlocked the door through the broken window. I mean, they got in.

They got in, yeah. They got in. Yeah. But now you have to replace the window as well as, I mean, it's probably just one insurance claim though, right? They've already taken all your stuff. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Yesterday I was sending voice messages to some friends.

What were you talking about? I think that's probably best for just a podcast only. I don't know if you guys know what I was talking about. Yeah, I think we definitely discussed that on the podcast. And a little bit of porn. It cannot be discussed on the radio. What I witnessed yesterday. The Broadcasting Standards Authority would not have a bar of it. It cannot be discussed what I walked in on yesterday.

This is the dirtiest tease for a podcast. It really is. I tell you, and it's more wild than your podcast, Sex Not Life, which a new episode out tomorrow. It belongs on that podcast. It does belong on that podcast. I mean, you could be a special guest. With the sex already.

With any of your stories. Absolutely not. But we can discuss that on a little bit of pod. Okay. Anyway, so something funny happened to me. So I was walking home from the gym and I was voice messaging my friends just to say, look, this just happened. And so I was...

Sort of your own little podcast. Sending back and forth. With a smaller audience. Yeah. And then I was waiting by the lights and I was listening to a message and I just had this stupid smile, kind of smirk on my face

because it's a very funny story. Well explained in the podcast. And then out of the corner of my eye, I see this lady and I'm like, oh, okay. And she doesn of the corner of my eye, I see this lady. And I'm like, oh, okay. And she doesn't look like a listener. Right. Because initially I was like, oh, maybe she's a listener to the show. And she's like, wants to say hello, love the show.

And I was like, thank you. But I took my headphones off and she didn't say that. She said, are you on drugs? How old was she? Was she like boomer? Like 30? No. But she was a little bit wired herself.

She wanted some. She wanted drugs. She wanted drugs. And I'm assuming she was looking at me. Talking and laughing to yourself. And laughing to myself. He's on drugs. He'll know where to get some drugs.

Is that what I look like? Well, can we clarify that you weren't on drugs? I wasn't on drugs. No, you just had a little twinkle in his eye from a good story. I had a protein shake. Oh, pinging. I was pinging from a protein shake. And just what had happened to me.

Yes. Caffeine in the protein shake? Because my friends, the Mormons, would say that is a drug, my friend. No, I don't think there is caffeine in the protein shake. Any whiskey in the protein shake? That is a drug, my friend. This stupid look that I had on my face, being just so entertained that I looked like

I was maniacal and on drugs. Oh my god. But she like came up to me and I'm pretty sure she was like gonna ask for whatever I had. Yeah. If I was in fact on drugs, but I was not. If you were to take drugs on a Monday at lunchtime, what would be your drug of choice?

This was 1.30 in the afternoon. Mushrooms? No, too heavy. None. I'd be on no drugs. Too much for Monday. Too much. That's what I'm thinking.

What did she, what drug she thought you were on? I don't know. You don't have an ear of drug and you've got flawless skin. I don't look like I'm like, No, you're not picking at yourself. Do I look like when I'm like, That's why're not picking at yourself But I'm Do I look like

When I'm like That's why I thought He might have been micro dosing I've been listening to a little bit About micro dosing So have I recently Oh yeah this is becoming A big thing

A big future Yeah Listened to a podcast yesterday About ketamine Microdosing ketamine For depression Really Yeah you just

Whoa Were there doctors on board Or was this just someone Doing their own No no no Scientists were on board with it Because it was like life changing for some people, but it was short term. Because what drug was it?

The anti-smoking drug. Remember they were trialing a drug. This happens. They trial it for one thing and there's a different outcome. Oh, like Viagra. Yeah. That was a harm medication, wasn't it? Yes, it was because it opened up the blood vessels.

It opened up the blood vessels of, you know, the vein. But there was a PTSD one to help Vietnam soldiers. Yeah. And it turned out that they all just stopped smoking as well. Were you about to say Vietnamese spring rolls? Oh, yeah. Fresh summer rolls. Yeah.

So Vietnamese soup. Mint, Vermicelli Yeah But no not them Good dippings Nook ma'am Nook ma'am Dip into a hoisin

Nook ma'am Dip into a hoisin Oh no it's too thick But you can get the You can get both Yeah you can Why do yourself out of A dipping sauce

If you're going to enjoy Pay the 50 cents For the extra sauce Unless You've got some at home Yeah Have a little. I'm at my own.

Well, anyway, look, I wanted to take this break to say if you did see me yesterday, I was not on drugs. I was just happy. I was happy. He had just witnessed something and he's told us and the story is so wild we can't repeat it here. But it will be in today's little bit of pod. You'll do a little podcast.

Might still have to dance around that as well. There's no rules. I don't know if you guys know this about the internet. No rules. Oh, it's wild. Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I don't know that

I would suffer this situation, but I do know that when I play hide and seek, the minute I find a good hiding spot, I need to go wheeze. Even if I went wheeze just before we started playing hide and seek. And you might be thinking, Vaughn, are you like, is this a flashback to your childhood?

No, now when I play hide and seek, even now when I find a good hiding spot. No, with my friends who play hide and seek. Growing men are allowed to play hide and seek. In fact, it's more of a challenge because we're bigger now and we can fit in less spaces. Yep. That's true. You squeeze on in there.

But apparently there's another, and I feel like we've touched on this in effect of the day once upon a time, but a doctor's weighed in to say it is indeed a fact when you walk into a bookstore or a library, you may be overwhelmed with the sudden urge to poo. Is it because it's like relaxed and quiet and you go like, and your bum opens a little bit? You relax into it. You sort of like, yeah. Not tense?

Well, Dr. Samir Islam, a Texas-based gastroenterologist, and a continuer, he teaches at a university. Oh, so he knows what he's talking about. He's a trained professional who wants to teach other people about it. It's more common than people realize. I think people just embarrass them a bit, but it's called book. I've heard it called book bowels, but it's named after a Japanese woman who in the 80s wrote extensively about this feeling she had, Mariko Aoki.

In like one of those agony aunt columns. Well, I don't know. She just started writing about it and people were like, well, because there was no internet in the 80s. Yeah. This wasn't her personal blog with a recipe at the bottom. You know, she's not telling the story about how her uncle took her to a bookstore and she always needed to poop and then she went home

and her uncle would cook her jambalaya. And here's uncle's jambalaya recipe. Eight more scrolls down. You can find uncle's jambalaya recipe. And then eight more scrolls down, you can find uncle's jambalaya recipe. Yum. With every... Can you afford me the jambalaya? I can afford you the jambalaya.

So it was because she kind of was the first person to open up about this. Other people were like, oh, that happens to me too. Name it after her. Wow. Okay. Yeah, so why bookstores and libraries? And someone said it's often the intensity of the information

that you encounter in museums or libraries or the sudden quiet of a garden can trigger an automatic response in the gut. Like it's quiet. Yeah. And then... Should we go really quiet and make the nation listening poo? But they need to be quiet,

but there also needs to be the thought of the overwhelming amount of information one is surrounded by. I don't think we can replicate that. We can whisper to them some facts. Some other theories believe it's the smell. Because you know how bookstores always smell? Yeah. And libraries have that smell.

Right. Yes. That could be linked into it. Well, thank goodness bookstores have gone extinct. They believe it's gone extinct. And they never had a toilet in them as far as I can remember. No. Oh, no, like the big ones did.

I mean, libraries have toilets, obviously, but I'm sure like Borders on Lampton Quay in Wellington had a bog. A toilet in it. Yeah. Well, if it was doing this to all of its customers, it should have. Because you don't want them. Isn't that fascinating? That in a bog. Well, if it was doing this to all of its customers, it should have. Isn't that fascinating? That's a thing. Yeah, and one

of the other suggestions that could trigger it would be some people, when they look at books, like say you're looking for the book and you get down to the bottom and you squat into it. And of course, that's the natural human position for that teamed up with the quietness, the intensity of course that's the natural human position for that teamed up with the quietness,

the intensity of the room and the natural position. All the factors are there to immediately need to evacuate one's bowels. Fascinating. Yeah, bizarre. Well, if you're ever feeling blocked up, just head to your local

Unity Books or something. Or a library. Someone said I had a mate that was like that every single time they went into United Video. Every single time. It must be the overwhelming choice. So many choices. You're just like, ah, what do I pick? Die hard. It's an easy, I mean, you're getting one new release.

Yeah. And then some weeklies. And then some weeklies. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. If you see me and you're like, damn, Dr. Magnus, Dr. Longus, Dr. Brevis, looking tight. I was going to say when you walked in this morning that your Dr. Brevis is looking so good. What about my tensa facial latte? I think your tensa facial latte is like, no, it's...

I'll work on it some more. Is that a new copy? It sounds like it, doesn't it? Beautiful mocha latte. I think it's tensio facial latte. It's like, no, it's... I'll work on it some more. Is that a new copy? It sounds like it, doesn't it? Beautiful mocha latte. Yeah. And my gluteal muscles. That's your bum. That's your butt butt.

I tried a new machine at the gym yesterday. A machine that, to be totally honest, I've never seen a guy using at the gym. But I think, men, we shouldn't be scared of the machine. Yeah, this is a machine you always see the females on. Yeah. Yeah, the squeezy machine. The hip abduction and adduction machine.

So this is the one you sit with your legs open. Yes. And then you squeeze them in. And then you squeeze the pads in. Inwards. Yeah. Or you start with your legs in and the pads on the outside and you squeeze them out. Give the old gal a bit of breathing room.

I also feel like I'm never flexible enough for this machine. It'll be pretty good for you. Gotta start somewhere. Gotta be flexible in the hip. Because there's lots of muscles. Like the muscle that is keeping my girl warm in the middle, right up the top. What is your muscle that keeps her warm?

I don't know. No, like my thigh. My thigh bit, the smooth thigh bit. Right at the top. What are you talking about? There's a muscle that keeps your girl warm. No, no, the fat bit's keeping it warm. Yeah. But that muscle, you can work it out.

The muscle that all the little. Which muscle? Right by the fanny. Right at the top. Right, okay. Underneath the belly button. Oh, my God. I'm not going to point. This bit, right. Your inner thigh. Oh, the inner thigh. Yeah, but right at the top Right, okay Underneath the belly button Oh my god, I'm not going to point This bit, right

Your inner thigh Oh, the inner thigh Yeah, but right at the top Just say it But that's not this bit You made it sound like it was some rude bit But right up close Right at the core

That's where I felt it That's where I felt it And it I was doing that Starting it out and pulling it in And I could feel it there And then also up Like either side of my belly button Up and there The pubis Wow, that's really high Up and there, I was pulling in and I could feel it there and then also up like either side of my belly button,

up in there. Wow, really high. Up in there, it was pulling in there and I was like, I don't even know that that was all linked. Yeah. But I was on that machine and at that gym, thankfully, thankfully for me, but also thankfully for everybody, that machine faces the wall, a corner.

It's like the little shame corner. Thanks to McCafe, great things are brewing, one cup at a corner. It's like the little shame corner. Thanks to McCafe, great things are brewing, one cup at a time. Yeah. So you famously, Vaughan doesn't wear undies at the gym. He uses the mesh lining. I trust the lining.

It's not togs, I don't wear togs to the gym. It's a proper supportive... He's got that itchy mesh lining rubbing up against his softest bits. Yeah, it certainly isn't mesh. It's a proper supportive. He's got that itchy mesh lining rubbing up against his softest bits. Yeah, it certainly isn't mesh. It's a trusted athletic lining. Well, it's a mesh, but it's a micro mesh. Yeah. Yeah.

So it is a mesh. I don't want to be looking at a- Tiny little cuts all over you. No, no, no, no, no, no. No cuts. I don't want to be looking at a pair of board shorts at the gym. No. Well, no, they're athletic shorts.

They're athletic shorts with an athletic support fabric. But it's a micro mesh. It's a micro mesh. It's so micro that it might as well be. You should wear underwear at the gym. You have to. You have to wear underwear at the gym. I personally don't buy it.

Because lots of girls don't either because you wear tights, right? And it's so tight. I'm also thinking about getting a pair of those leggings that absolutely, like the Wonderbra for the butt. I've got to get me a pair of those. Oh, that like arch shape, over the cheeks. You're on this abductor machine. Are you worried about your dumper?

Are you worried about... I mean, to be totally honest, it could always use work. Okay. I think the dumper, men often overlook the dumper. But you've got to work on the dumper. Men get worried about the chest and the arms and the stuff, but what about give the ladies or the men a little something to look at from behind. Yeah, when you see a man with a poppin'

dumper, you're always like, congratulations. Yeah, yeah. I've talked about my mate Johnny before. There's a dumper that can't be ignored. Yeah, right. Pop a bottle of champagne on it. Oh! Wow. And a formal pair of pants, it's undeniable. Yeah, beautiful. It's a hell of an arse. So this is the start of the movement to get men on the abductor machine.

Get on the abductor, gentlemen. Get on the abductor. Feel it. Feel the burn. I'm not very good at motivational gym stuff. Feel the burn. And push, reach new limits. We call that machine at this gym, someone's message done,

the gym I work at, we call that machine the good girl, bad girl machine. What does that mean? He's going, good girl, bad girl. Bad girl. Naughty. But that's the thing,

why shouldn't it be good boy, bad boy as well? Yeah, no, exactly. Well, it's already in the naughty corner. See, you'd be the good boy and the bad boy in the corner as well.

Yep. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. This was on Australia's A Current Affair. Oh, yeah. Oh, Australia's A Current Affair. Oh yeah. Oh tonight on A Current Affair. Yeah tell me yeah.

Was A Current Affair the show that brought us the man barking like the dog? Yes. Oh my god. A Current Affair

is how do you describe it? It's like a mix of fair go meets tabloid journalism. Tabloid journalism but also the

seven o'clock show on After the News. Yeah. Is that a fair summation? Yeah, it is. Yeah. So they had a story about a James Cook University class in Townsville in far north Queensland.

Good on them for getting a school up there finally, I say. Good to get some education happening in far north Queensland. Some students, 18 of them, did three years of what they believed was going to qualify them at the end to come out to be financial advisors, financial planners, work in the financial industry. Oh, yeah. At the end of the three years, James Cook University said congratulations, and these people started applying for jobs to which the people who would employ them started saying things like, now, where's your accreditation?

To which they say, well, I know what you're asking me, but I don't have the piece of paper that says I do. Oh, right. Which is always weird. You do know something, but they won't accept you know it because you don't have a piece of paper that says you know it. The piece of paper is the least important bit. The knowledge.

The knowledge is important. That's what you pay the money for. Yeah, but it's a piece of paper that gets you in the door. Yeah, it is. Isn't it? Yeah. And they don't have that. They don't have the piece of paper that gets you in the door. Yeah, it is. Isn't it? Yeah. And they don't have that. They don't have the piece of paper.

So what, they're suing the uni. So yeah, they want their money back. So what kind of things were they learning? Well, no, they were learning all the right stuff. Right. But this university wasn't accredited to say, oh yes, we can give you. Right. I don't know what it would be called.

The financial planning certificate. Yeah, the diploma or whatever it is. Some unit standards or whatever they have over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was useless to them. So it was kind of, they knew the stuff, but at the end of it they didn't have the little bit that said, yes, officially by standards henceforth set in Australia

they can be financial advisors. And then we were just like, isn't this classic? Either you're learning something at uni or a course that you'll never use but it has to be in there

because they have to fill up some time because otherwise it would only be like a nine month course and it needs to be like a ten and a half month course 100%

I feel like that would be most of your course wouldn't it the one that you did I've got a degree and then when I when you first started auditioning, you were like, oh, you don't care. You know,

you'd be in front of an audition, like a casting agent. Oh, they don't care you've got a degree. Yeah, they're like, do the thing. And you're like, well, I'm not the best at it. And I'm like, we don't care about your degree. Just do it. Because a piece of paper was, yeah, somewhat of a waste of time. What was somewhat, because also doesn't a degree have to be a certain length of

time studying? Yeah, three years. Yeah. Oh, so your course, how much of your course was filled up with fella? We had six months and our course was literally like, go out there and see what happens. Yeah. Like try and get a job.

And some guy that looked like Doc Brown from Back to the Future would come and visit you at a radio station and be like, what have you learned? And you'd be like, oh, all this stuff. He'd be like, great. But it's hard with sort of an entertainment degree because some of it would be useful to some people, you know, and then other bits

like being a pancake on the floor, I found less useful knowing that I wanted to do comedy. How do you, could you show us a pancake on the floor? I have to warm up. You've got to, it's because it's all about You've got to turn on the griddle. Can you not just come in cold? It starts at the doorway. It starts at the doorway. I have to warm up. You've got to... Oh, you've got to turn on the griddle. Can you not just come in cold?

It starts at the doorway. It starts at the doorway. What do you mean it starts at the doorway? If I'm not walking through the doorway in the right headspace, I'm not even going to get to the pancake. Is she coming in with... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is she raw ingredients? Like, is she flour?

Is she egg? Or is she a one-stop shop in a shaking container? No, I imagine she's already a pancake with... Oh, I'm better in the pen. I like this. Sorry, you're better in the pen. I like this because you're leaving a room for a prequel. Yeah.

I'll show you. I'm going to go to the door, and I'm going to show you how I might enter the room, and then that would be the wrong one. And then maybe just in front of the table there. Will that be all right for you, Shannon? Because I really want the listener to see this later. I'm going to open the door, How I would walk into a room.

No, there's actually a door. There's actually a door. Okay, all right. I mean, you might as well use that. So I'll show you how I would enter the room and what would not be good enough. Wait, when you were talking about before you spent a week learning to enter a room, were you actually entering the room

or just acting like you were entering a room like you just did? No, no, no. Are we good enough to even enter the studio? Okay, here's how I would enter the room. Wait, how long did you spend on pancakes during your degree? It was sort of ongoing through the three years. What's the date today? We're revisiting the studio. Okay, here's how I would enter the room. Wait, how long did you spend on pancakes during your degree? It was sort of ongoing through the three years. What's it that today

we're representing in the pancakes? Okay, so this is me. Okay, this is you. This is how I know the story was going. Okay, alright. It's what?

It's 8.30 in the morning. Pancake time. This is actually close to 8.30 so that's not going to take a lot of acting. No, it's not. To imagine it.

Okay, and she's wrong. Well, no, because you're a pancake. You don't talk.30, so that's not going to take a lot of acting. No, it's not. To imagine it. Morning. Wrong. Well, no, because you're a pancake. You don't talk. No, this isn't pancake. As an actor, I've got to enter the room.

Either way, we're doing pancake. No, we're doing pancake. We're just doing pancake. You're entering the room, and then you're going to be a pancake. You failed already because you said morning. Pancakes have never spoken to me. Okay, here I go. Okay, she's coming in the door now. She's coming in the door, ladies and gentlemen, now.

Oh, you've hurt the breath there. She's walking slowly. She's pancake. She's not looking at anybody. She's kind of jiggling. She's jiggling now. Oh, and she's fallen very leggy. Very leggy fall.

Very leggy. The leg went up. That was pancake. That was pancake. That was pancake. So when you fell on the floor, was that you into the pan? Right. And so, right. Now, if you're a parent and you're in a car with a child who next year wishes to go to

acting school, Toy Fakada in Wellington, and you're worrying,, I'm not bad mouthing the school. And you're worrying. Don't worry. Don't worry, you're going to learn a lot of things. Did you see how I entered the room? Open. Open possibilities. Yeah, that was amazing.

Whereas when I first came in, I closed off. It's too much Hayley. Yeah, right. I don't have the ability to be a pancake when it's too much Hayley. I would find like a documentary or kind of being a fly on the wall

at a drama school like quite odd to watch. They did a documentary on Toy Fakada and people did find it interesting to watch. Because it was like some of it and you were like why am I doing this? I understood after a while why I had to enter the room in a certain way but yeah for a while

you were like let me in dude. Producers who also went to radio school all got degrees too. I don't have a too. Not everyone. Not everybody. I don't have a degree. I just did course. You did a cert.

I did course. I did course. Now, did you drive your RAV4 to course? This was before RAV4s. I was before RAV4s. Did you do hair modeling? It was a Honda CRX in the 90s. That's what hairdressers drove to course. Did you do a lot of hair modeling for your other course friends?

Yes. I had a free haircut at course. He was constantly begging people to come in to be models for something he was just learning to which people were like, no, please don't do that to my hair. At radio school, did you ever learn anything

that wasn't useful? Yeah, we spent a day making balloon animals. At radio school? Yeah. What for? Why, you've got to be able to bloody entertain people

when you're out there with the barbecue down at the local car yard and the kids are coming in. No, it was about imagination for kids radio. So we had Susie Cato coming in, which is very exciting. Oh, God bless. I've been emailing her lately, actually.

Have you? Can you stop pesting Susie Cato? No, she emailed me. She pestered me. Oh. Don't call her a pest. She pestered me. She's pestering me.

Oh, my goodness. Well, yeah, she came into B-School and then we were learning about imagination and how to be free and not be an adult when you're thinking about things for kids. Yes. Oh, this sounds like Hayley. We did that as well. One of the students in my class got carried away

when we were being kids one day and she set the curtain on fire. Did she get in trouble for that or did the character she was playing get in trouble? The character got in trouble. She was in trouble for that or did the character she was playing get in trouble? The character got in trouble. She was in trouble. Wild. And all the while

you're paying a lot of money for this. $50,000. Carwen, anything at radio school that you learnt that was a bit... I don't know. This guy once came in when we were trying to learn about sales

and told us to believe in a coin and that was like our magic coin. I believe in the power of the coin. What is he, Scrooge McDuck? I want lots of them. They were all under our seats. He was like, look under your seat, look under I believe in the power of the coin. What is he, Scrooge McDuck? I want lots of them. They were all under our seats. He was like, look under your seat, look under your seat. The power of the coin.

How much did this cost him? I don't know. What was the coin? I still have it somewhere. Right. Producer Jared, you went to a private school. Did you ever learn anything that this is rubbish? Yeah, we spent a term on juggling and circus arts.

What? That's happening. That's nice. That's different at high school. Very visual, though, for the radio. Yeah. No, That's nice. That's different at high school. Very visual, though, for the radio. Yeah. No, no, no. This was at his high school.

Oh, that's at high school. This was at the posh high school that drops a quarter of a million dollars on an Aladdin Junior production. Well, we want to open up the phone lines this morning. What did you study and have to learn that you just cannot believe they taught you or that was part of your degree or course Are you taking like a high school and uni? Yeah, anything.

Take anything. And you just to this day you just can't, I mean not algebra A couple of people use that I think, a year. Yeah, like economists. I can't remember now, I've fried my brain through my 20s. You can't remember high school at all?

I remember bits of it, but not a lot of learning parts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well, 0800 DALS at Emerson number. You can text as well. What was your name again? 9-6-9-6.

What was your name again? Hey, you're here. You're safe. It's nice to meet you guys, by the way. It's nice to meet you too, Vaughan. Just play along. I think I'm having fun. It'll confuse them otherwise.

Give us a call. The things you can't believe that you were taught at, I don't know, uni course, whatever. We're talking about what you can't believe you were taught at school. What was, or university, part of a curriculum sort of situation. Yeah. Yeah, some people did take a course. I did course. Yeah, you did course.

I did good. Absolutely. I think it's you done good. I done good. Yeah. Yeah, I done it yesterday. And you seen that thing. Yeah.

So there we go. Excuse me, I had the same job as you and I did course. No, you done, absolutely. I done course. Absolutely. I love it when we come in in the morning, he says, how are you guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see that thing on the news last night? Absolutely. Are you done, of course. Absolutely. I love it when we come in in the morning, he says, how are yous, guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see that thing on the news last night?

Yeah. Vaughn. What's your guys' opinion on it? Yeah, but stop it. Stop it. So we want to know what you were taught. Then you were just like, why are we learning this? Yeah.

Not your standards, not your maths. You've got to learn your maths, don't you? You've got to learn your maths, don't you? You've got to learn your algebra. But there are, do you? Lots of people messaging in the alternatives to PE. What was your PE

like at high school? Ours was 12 minute run, which was you ran as many laps of a 400 metre track as you could in 12 minutes. The beep test,

basketball, cross country training. Badminton? Badminton because the weather was bad. Dodgeball? No, we didn't do test. Basketball. Cross-country training. Badminton. Badminton because the weather was bad. Dodgeball. No, we didn't do too much dodgeball. It was a bit sad.

Or indoor like ice hockey. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. We did a bit of that. So it was fun. But just on your feet. Yeah. No skates.

No skates. Rowing machines. No. Oh, gosh. No, never. That's very private school. We had a gym in our school. Oh, did you?

Yeah I used to Pretend to go there And just goss Sit on the rowing machine Just goss Or athletics In summer you'd always Have to do athletics

Like long jump High jump Yeah I was bad at athletics I always had a sprained ankle On athletics I always had my period Jules has called through Jules has called through

Jules what can't you believe That you were taught? How to make a date Conf adrenaline for love for you. Wait a minute. Wait, what? Wow, that sounds very interesting, and I want to know how I'm married, but you never want to stop learning, you know? That's when your brain fades.

What was your course? So I did a double major, Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Neuroscience. Wow, you're smart. You might be our smartest listener. I'm going to say she's better than us. Yeah. You're better than us, Jill.

And so what was this particular thing? Right, let me set the scene. It's first year university at a cheeky little classroom in Otago. And the lecturer goes, if you want to make your date like you, you've got to take them to do some form of physical exercise that gets the heart racing,

gets the heart pumping, and induces a little bit of fear. Right, so bungee jump? A bungee jump? That's too much. Perfect. What about chasing them through the gardens in the dark? Saying going on a date with me was a huge mistake. Yes. I thought I was going to date you.

I'm like, I'm going to kill you. Now how do I turn that into lovemaking? Well, so that's where the steering comes in. You've got to look them in the eyes. So, for example, the example the lecturer gave is doing, you know, that bridge through Arthur's Pass if your date is kind of afraid of heights or shaky things. So you walk through and you've got to lead. You've got to put on an act of confidence. So they'll see that their heart will be racing and they'll see this hot person in front of them walking confidently

and then at the other side you look at them in the eyes. Love. Instant love. Wait, what? Why are you learning this? Jules, you've been given a gift. By the way, that Arthur's Pass bridge will never be as busy as it is this weekend. And there's always a Kia while you're doing that, trying to pick your windscreen wipers off too.

Oh, wow. Okay, so we're going to Wanaka this weekend and I'm driving the minivan. So Fletch, I'm going to drive dangerously and then turn around and look at you in the eye and you're going to fall in love with me.

I'll fall in love with you. Yeah. I don't know if that's how it works. I'm going to drive up the crown range. Yeah. Vroom, vroom, vroom. Well, that's hot information, Jules. I don't think that was a waste of time to learn that.

No, I don't think that. Honestly, it has been handy. I was going to say. I used to go to the gym with my now fiance. So I'll that. Honestly, it has been handy. I was going to say. I used to go to the gym with my now fiance. So I'll tell you what, it works. Wait, so you used to go

to the gym with him and then you'd look at him and be like, maybe I'll drop these weights on your face and you'll know I'm in love. Yes, yes. Wow, what a great little tip.

See, I didn't think that was a waste. Can I just say, anybody listening that's thinking of pulling this, don't do anything too silly or dangerous. No, no. Just a nice walk.

Just a nice walk over it. And maybe pretend to push them over the cliff, but grab them. Don't push them off. No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't even go too near cliffs. Jules, thanks for your call. Let's go to Shane. Can we give Jules Caller of the Week?

Oh, let's give Jules Caller of the Week. Oh, yes. Jules Caller of the Week. She's kind of unlocked something for us there. Yeah, I think we all felt a bit like, a bit more powerful, didn't we? I feel powerful. Yeah.

I'm just hoping to be the victim. I'm a sub. You badly want to be. He's a sub. For sure he's a sub. I think you need to spend a few more hours of Joel's talking. I'm a dirty little boy

who needs to be told what to do. Born. Thanks to Joel's, our Caller of the Week. She's won a $50 McCafe voucher. Thanks to our told what to do. Vaughan. Thanks to Jules, our caller of the week. She's won a $50 McCafe voucher. Thanks to our mates at McCafe. Shane, good morning. What did you learn that you thought was a waste of time?

Good morning. Oh, Shane. What are you doing? Shane's inside a beanbag. Have you put the phone in your mouth, Shane? Oh, no. I think you've hung up on us now, Shane. Oh, no. I think you've hung up on us now, Shane. Oh, my God.

Now, what's happened with Shane's phone? That was terrible. We'll see if we can get Shane back. We've got a text message. Shane's all right. What about folk dancing? Oh, my God. Yes, the Gay Gordon.

Gay Gordon. That's right. Isn't it weird that at primary school we had to do so much Gay Gordon? They're not doing that anymore. They're doing Jump Jam now. Yeah, we did a bloody gay Gordon. What is a gay Gordon? It's a folk dance, you know, where you come in together and you come out

and the outside circle separates and then you go in together. There's a soundtrack to it. Would you like to have my auxiliary and I'll play you the Scottish fiddle orchestra playing the gay Gordons? Yeah. So you'd be like the girl circle and the boy circle.

Very heteronormative in the 90s. Yeah. And then like you'd come in together and your hands together and then go out. And then the outside circle rotates. You've got a new partner. Loop-de-loo.

Like a Gay Gordon. And none of the girls wanted to do it with Mitchell because he smelled like rations. Mitchell stunk. Yeah, Mitchell always. He smelled like rations. He did. He smelled like rations. Oh my God. Poor Mitchell. Oh my God, don't make to do it with Mitchell because he smelled like rations. Mitchell stunk, yeah. Mitchell always smelled like rations. He smelled like rations.

Oh, my God. Poor Mitchell. Oh, my God. Don't make me gay Gordon with Mitchell. Unless I don't want to gay Gordon with Mitchell. I believe we've got Shane back. Good morning, Shane. Oh, how's it?

Yeah, I mean, look, it's mildly better, Shane. He's driving up to that bridge in Arthur's Pass. He's immediately on the road to try to woo a lady. Shane, what did you learn that was a waste of time? Well, I went to high school in Katamu, Hawke's Bay. Yep. And there was actually two. I forgot to mention the first one the other time.

There were four extra credits we could do pole dancing. Wait, it's hard to hear you, but did you just say were four extra credits. We could do pole dancing. Wait, it's hard to hear you, but did you just say for four extra credits we could pole dance? Yeah, I'd do that. We've lost Shane again. Oh, bloody hell. Shane. Pole dancing for four credits.

Great for the core fitness though. That's a good bit of fitness. Oh, it's very good. And upper body as well. Alternatives. Shoulders. I've got a couple of texts to finish off. Yes.

I hope Shane's all right. God, he's really... In a washing machine? I took golf as a subject at St. Bede's in pretty much every... Oh, my God. Golf. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I wonder if you got to take the golf cart from English down to the course. Well, pretty much every... We had every Wednesday off to go play any course we wanted in christ jazz oh my god wednesday was golf thursday was rowing all course. We've got a lot of fuck times as well. You've gone to a rough school now. We have a rough school. It's a smooth...

Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is I watched a video about plurals of animals that's names end with S's. I love this. Swans. No, ends with S.

The swans is the plural of swan. No, it's swans. Swanses. Swanses. Swanses. Yeah, swansies. Yeah. Swans eye.

Swans eye. The swansies. Swansies. No, I'm talking your octopus, platypus, walrus. Or octopi. Walruses. No, I'm talking your octopus, platypus, walrus. Or octopi. Walruses. No, octopuses. No, the octopuses.

Octopuses is absolutely acceptable. Is it? That is the English. Octopuses is 100% the English. Grow up. You grow up. But because they were Greek words that entered into Latin and then made their way to English.

Yes. You would actually say octipities. Octipities. Would be the plural of octopus. Octipities. Platypodes would be platypuses. Oh, yeah. This is in Latin.

Well, no, this is also acceptable in English if you wanted to use them because of the roots of these words in different languages and we borrow them. You know how English is? We're just like, oh, I like that one. Croissant, fun to say. I love that. And so we borrow them all.

We technically have borrowed their plurals, but also given our own for what works for us. So that's why a platypus is, you'd say, the platypuses or the platypi. So that platypus is leading the platopetes. What is it? So the platypus could be platypi. Yeah, platypi.

That would be acceptable because that would be the Latin plural. Yeah, right. Now, platypuses or platypi were discovered after the Greek language was well established and the Latin was well established. But its name is from that in origin. You know how Latin rhymes kind of... Latin based. Everything was Latin based because that was the explorers and sort of a universally spoken language at the time.

So what do you think? Because again, rhinoceros is a Greek. Its origins are in Greek. So what would be the Greek... Rhinopotes. Rhinocerise? Rhinoceri. Rhinoperos is a Greek. Its origins are in Greek. So what would be the Greek? Rhinopetes. Rhinocerise? Rhinocere. Rhinopedodes.

Rhinocetes. Rhinocetes. Rhinocetes. I like that better. Yes, I am. I like it better. I'm going to use these. Like, oh, look, a herd of rhinocetes.

You could literally just make it up. And if anybody's like, oh, that's not right, you'd be like, well, actually. Yeah, Plopdopolis. Like, you just make it sound a bit Greek. A bit Greek. Make it sound like it could be the name of a sort of a souvlaki. Or a yoghurt. And yeah.

A Cyclopidopolis. So it's also with dinosaurs because they came from Greek. Right. If you were going to pluralise the Tyrannosaurus, or you'd just say Rexes, but if you were going to like the Brontosaurus, Brontosauri, or Brontosaurotopods. Brontosaurotopods?

Yeah. Fun. The plural of it. It's good. You've added so many syllables. You can just say anything you want and then just say, but it's Greek. And unless you are speaking to someone who is well-versed

in English and the origins of the language, they've got no choice but to believe you. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is how you pluralise animals depends on what language gave us the name for that animal. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. There's a new dating trend

And I would say this is one of the most toxic ones I've heard of for a while It's the cowlitz way out It's for those who are sort of adverse to confrontation That's me I don't like confrontation at all No one does Some people do No one does. Some people do. No one's gagging for it.

Some people do. They get drama. Some people are looking for a fussy. Yeah. Meh. We've heard of the quiet quitting, like quiet quitting your job and whatnot. This is called delicate dumping.

It follows quite a similar path as the quiet quit, is when someone stops investing the energy and emotion into the future of their relationship that they once did in the hopes that the other half breaks it off. So you don't have to be the bad guy? So you're just pulling back and you're going like, yeah, I don't have the guts or the confidence or whatever to leave this person, so I'm going to...

It's weird that it's been named delicate dumping because it's quite, you dumping because it's quite, you say like it's quite cowardly. Imagine if you were full tilt. Tilt? Full tilt? Either is acceptable.

Say full bore or full ball. I don't even get it. It's full bore. Full, yeah. People say full ball, I let them all go. If you're full bore

in a relationship and then they pull back, I'd say that's more painful than just saying I've decided I no longer want to be with you. Yeah, like there's nothing delicate about that, is there? Nah. So it's a lazy way to break up with someone

without looking like the guilty party. And then you like pull back enough that they realise that it's not working and that you're not into it anymore. And then they'll break up with you and you'll be like, oh my God, devastated. How did you do this to me? You're the bad guy. Well, just move cities or country.

Is that delicate? That feels pretty hard. That feels full ball. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Yeah, as a beautiful golden retriever. He's one of those ones that's like white, you know, like real blondie. The one that seems like a good idea until you work out that the whiter they are,

the more they enjoy mud. Yes. Yeah, good. His name is Cooper and his owners gave him and his brother George up for adoption. We don't know why, but he was sent to like a rescue kennels. Right, because you rescued a retriever. Yes. Rich, he's a retriever.

From the edge of a cliff. He was abseiling with some friends. You heard him. And yeah, his thing came out of the wall. What do you call those? Carabiner. Oh, yeah. The baton came out of the wall and he fell and I was like,

hold on! And I tied him to my, and then I climbed up the wall and I pulled him up. Wow, you really rescued him. I rescued him. That is a rescue. From a cliff. Yeah.

Well, so he was at this rescue place and then a man called Nigel came along and he was at the kennels looking to rescue a pup to be a friend for his golden retriever that he already had. Yeah. He saw Cooper, the hero of our story, and his brother George, and he knew he could only have one. Because three golden retrievers is a lot.

Yeah, it would be a lot. It would be a lot, but he just wanted one. Even one looks like a lot. It won't look so bad. It looked like a lot of work. Yeah, I know. Anyway, so he flipped a coin coin and the coin landed on Cooper. So he came back to get Cooper, brought him home,

and then Cooper went missing. Oh. He went missing and he was gone for 27 days when they discovered that Cooper had walked 64.3 kilometres across Ireland back to his original hometown, to his original owner who gave him up for adoption. You hear about cats doing that? Oh, my God.

But not dogs so much. Yeah. And they said, so they, this is what I love about it, is like so many people got involved with trying to track him down. There were cameras tracking him. He hung out for six days in the same area. They like saw him on camera and they went looking. And then he went off for a while. They tracked him. He hung out for six days in the same area. They like saw him on camera and they went looking and then he went off

for a while. They tracked him like his journey was huge. How did they have that direction to know which way to go? He said it was total animal like instinct basically. Wow. Through woods and main roads evading sheep and sheep farmers

without any help from humans he made it back to his original hometown, 63 kilometres away. Now, did the original owner keep him? Because this dog came all the way back. No, no, no, no. They just got him back. So he's back with the foster home. So they tracked him down and they were like,

hey, the dog came back and went back to the kennels. And the kennels were like, your dog came home. Well, went back to the old home. So what did the guy do? Went and picked him up. The new do? Went and picked him up. The new adopter went and picked him up. Well, no, I'm talking about like you give up this dog and then you look outside and you're like,

oh no, it's Matt. We gave it up again. He clearly didn't want it. Why won't you love me? Didn't I do it for you? Oh, I just realised I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards. Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it?

We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse and hopefully they'll work out the other way? Sarah Desi, Sarah Desi. Give us a review. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.