ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 30th April 2024

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

AI Death Calculator  Silly Little Poll!  Vaughan's New App  Top 6: Uber Recorder Podcast  Shopping Errors  Rhiannon McCall!  Vaughan's Genital Incident  Do you have a Hot Parent?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. It's a couple of minutes after six. Tis indeed, my friends, tis indeed.

Hello. Hello. 30 days here, September, April. Yep, last day of April. Last day of April. It's May tomorrow. That meme's gonna be... No, I was just about to say, I haven't seen the meme. I haven't seen it either. No, last day of April. Last day of April. It's May tomorrow. That meme's going to be... No, I was just about to say, I haven't seen the meme.

I haven't seen it either. No, it's been quiet, hasn't it? It's been quiet. Don't rouse it. I've heard people mentioning the meme, but I haven't seen it. I have said to other people, haven't seen that Justin Timberlake meme. Yeah, I've said it too. But now that we've mentioned it by name, we're pretty much candy man in the mirror.

We'll be advertised it. We'll be popping up left, right and centre. Yeah. Top six coming up? Is it? Sure is. I wrote this last night. Let me see what it is.

Your recall from... About the Uber recording. ...at least 24 hours ago is shocking, Vaughan Smith. A lot going on. The top six things the Uber recorder has heard, will hear, could hear. Because I didn't read the article. I just, Carwen, sent a picture saying, Uber are going to be able to record you now.

Well, I think they have been for a while. It's like a safety feature that you can turn on. The video, the audio, but everything, right? Yeah. Awesome. What a podcast. Awesome. Great for me.

Great, yeah. Yeah. It would be such a good podcast. Get them to write a disclaimer, sign it as they get out of the car, disclaimer. Can you remember Taxi Cab Confessions? I was going to say the TV shows back in the day. Yeah, that ruled. And they did like one season of an Auckland one.

Right. And I'm pretty sure some of the people were like, I was way too drunk to sign that release form. Yeah, I sort of remember that. So good. They'd drive around and the taxi driver would talk to them and some people would cry. Some people would just hook up the whole time.

That's an amazing show. I kind of want to do Uber driving just to hear the goss and the convo. Same. It would be so fascinating. Same. When you book an Uber and it's like, do you want conversation or do you want the air con on high? It'll be like, will you be drunkenly blabbing about people you know

that are poets I might find interesting? And can we share it with the nation? Give it a tick of this box if you want to be on the Uber podcast. The top six things the Uber recorder would hear. We've got that coming up. We'll delve into that story. Next on the show though, some terrible news to start

the day. I think we might need a bloody a cold play or a some sad music. Devastating news for chocolate lovers. Chocolate lovers? Hello. Guys, this is terrible news if you like chocolate. Go, favourite chocolate, go!

White chocolate. Not a chocolate. Wait, is this great news for me because I'm a white chocolate lover? So it's not a chocolate. Do you remember Whitaker's released the new one last week and what was it? Oh, mango coconut. Mango vomit. Mango coconut.

And I had a row of it here at work and I was like, not for me. Not for me. Killed a block of it at the weekend. So it turns out. I mean, it's around. Turns out it's for me. Blocked to a stint for you. Yeah, there was like a deal on them as I was going through the checkout.

Right. I didn't, I wasn't a fan of it. Neither until I had a whole block of it. It was a lot. It is a lot. And my teeth hurt afterwards. Yes. As it often does with white chocolate.

Well, there is a disease, a viral disease in West Africa affecting cacao trees. Cacao. Cacao. Which is the, you know, where chocolate comes from. So it's spreading rapidly. It's called cacao swollen shoot virus disease. Now, is it a virus or is it a disease? Cacao swollen shoot.

It needs an acronym. CSSVD. CSSVD, yeah. That's what it's called. Cisvid. Cisvid. Cisvid. Cisvid spreads through mealy bugs,

which are those little white bastards that crawl all over your houseplants. And when it gets infected, it shrinks the pod and swells the stems and roots. And then it's screwed. Kind of like it gives it swollen balls. Ouch. Yeah, like big swollen balls,

but tiny dick. You know? So that's sort of that. If you can think of, if you need that as an analogy, that's what's happening If you can think of If you need that as an analogy Yeah That's what's happening Yeah There's a virus

That's going to kill chocolate Every other month You know I feel like biannually We are told That it's the chocolate and coffee Yeah And delicious cocaine

And bananas Bananas And nanas And nanas as well That's us Humans Bananas by the way Are the French bulldogs of the fruit.

We took what worked and bred it until it was one singular thing. Now it's pretty much a clone of it. If a virus gets in, it will just tear through the entire thing and we'll lose. Nunnas, we'll have to start again. Yeah. Start again. So Ghana, which is the second largest producer of cacao, has lost 20% of its cacao trays.

So, I mean, it's not going to be the end of chocolate. It's just going to mean it's more expensive over the coming year or two. Yeah. Great. Oh, like everything. Kids will be ram raiding. Ram raiding for a twirl. Oh, yeah, for a twix bar.

Yeah. Ram raid for a bloody Snickers. Well, yeah, for a twix bar. Yeah. Ram raid for a bloody Snickers. Well, yeah, it's not great news, is it? So stock up. How long does it keep in the pantry? Oh, you panic buy. Panic buy chocolate. Panic buy.

Go, go, go. Well, I don't know. Have you ever, you know, when you leave chocolate in a glove box and it gets that white coating on it? Yeah. Can you eat that? Yeah, you give it a hot, like a hot wipe. Hot wipe?

I don't know. Get a flannel. Get a clean flannel and make it hot and give it a hot wipe. I promise you it works. Oh, flannel. Hot wipe? I don't know. Get a flannel, a hot flannel. Get a clean flannel and make it hot and give it a hot wipe. I promise you it works. Hot flannel. Hot wipe. But use the makeup flannel.

But then it does look like you've shit yourself and wiped your bum with your flannel. If someone gets in your car and there's a brown flannel on the floor, straight up look for yourself. Straight away be like, God, I never seen glow box chocolate. I was giving it a hot wipe

and it had white dust on it. Ten past six. Next on the show. Well, we won't put bloody chocolate into the AI death calculator because it might say six the show. Well, we won't put bloody chocolate into the AI death calculator because it might say six months time. Well, you've got an AI death calculator. You put in information and it will tell you how much longer you're going to live.

Great. Let's figure out. Do you want to do this? Oh, I'm not putting in my details. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was going to say because you're the biggest hypochondriac I know. Current mood, I might not make it till Friday. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Hey, I, um, it's all go. She's all go, mate. The horse is bolted. Yeah, the genie's out of the bottle. Yeah, what did I use? Oh, okay. What about how on, like, Facebook and Instagram now, the search bar's gone and it's Ars La Meta AI.

I don't like that at all. I know. So I think that's finally rolled out to every Meta device now. Yeah. Some people have had that a few weeks ago. Because it's where you go in and you type in someone's name and it'll show you them. Now it says Ask Meta AI anything. Yeah, I've had it for a week now. So rather than

searching like you would used to, just have a search box. It's Ask Meta. Yeah. So even if you want to search for a contact. It's so, I hate it. It's getting in my way, it's annoying. It'd be great if you could turn that off. It would be too because it just, it puts me off. Yeah, and it's remembering

everything. Well, there's an AI death calculator now. I've put in all my info. Oh, I haven't. The headline I have, the headline I have because this was unveiled in December, AI death calculator creators issue urgent warning about frighteningly frighteningly? Frighteningly?

Frighteningly. Frighteningly. Frighteningly. Frighteningly. Accurate tool. Yes. Do you want to be doing this? Yeah, well I've put mine in. You go age, gender, do you smoke, do you exercise, any major health conditions, diet, and you

choose a scale, alcohol consumption, I've hit the top, stress level, hit the top, hours of sleep, family history, like positive or negative, genetic impact, access to healthcare, socio-economic status, environmental factors, education, like I guess if you lived in like Hong Kong

where you blow your nose and it's black. Education level, occupational hazards, environmental factors, education, like I guess if you lived in like Hong Kong where you blow your nose and it's black. Yeah. Education level, occupational hazards, recreational activities. I think that's maybe your naughty things. Okay. And then you calculate. I've got my, I've filled mine in. Have you pushed calculate?

No, not yet. Have you filled yours in? No, I haven't. I haven't done anything. All right. Ready Vaughan? Three, two, one. Calculate.

What does yours say? 59. 68. I have got 17 years left. I'm going to make the most of them. I quit. See you later. Oh, my God.

58. Yeah. Because I put low hours of sleep, heavy alcohol consumption, average diet. Yeah, that's what I put too. But I put regular exercise, which varies. I'd say exercise regularly, not like gym, but like outside doing stuff that works out. How old is 68?

Because I said positive family history because the only thing that's really in mind is like brain, like Alzheimer's, not a lot of cancer. No, there's no cancers or heart attacks. No cancers. No cancers until's no... Cancers or heart attacks. Touch ones. No. Yeah. No cancers. No cancers until like late.

You know when old boys always just die of like a cancer because they're old boys. For sure. Environmental factors, what did you put? I put neutral. I put positive. Yeah, because we live in New Zealand. Okay, I'll change mine. Environmental factors.

Maybe we'll get a couple more years. I put that I've got low occupational hazards and... Same. I frequently engage in recreational got low occupational hazards and I frequently engage in recreational activities. Not enough. Right. What if I changed to moderate drinking? Us trying to change it? Is moderate drinking only got me

to 62? I'm going to add an hour of sleep. I'm going to add an hour from 5 to 6. We've got to calculate. My family are a long line of people who don't sleep. My nana used to go to bed at 11 and she was up at 4 and she lived to six. We've got to calculate. My family are a long line of people who don't sleep. My nana used to go to bed at 11 and she was up at 4 and she lived till 88. Okay, now hear me out.

She's a woman though. I've tried to change the sleep hours, the environmental factors and the family stuff. I'll change drinking and we'll just see. We'll change it from high to moderate. Why didn't you go to... They added three more years. I added two more hours of sleep and got nothing. Yeah, I know.

It's the alcohol. It's wild. I was listening to a podcast a few weeks ago where a guy used to work in life insurance and was talking about the data that they have on people and said it was freakishly accurate. Because you have to put, like, even on your health insurance, you put, like, have you ever been a smoker?

And you say like when and all that kind of stuff and for how long and what not so even if you don't smoke now they still take it into consideration. So I've changed it to light alcohol consumption moderate stress is going to low

I'm going to be 8 You're lying to yourself. It's all good, baby, baby. From there, still 65. I'm not going to get a drop of that stupid KiwiSaver. I'm getting it all out the day I turn 65 and just red or blacking it. Also, your wife's going to live to like 100, eh? No, but you don't get to put in that you're Asian. Damn it.

There's not enough information. You don't think it's legit enough, this AI death calculator? No, there's not enough factors. Not this one that we're doing, I don't think. You know, charm, sense of humour, that'll get you a mile. That'll bloody keep you going in life. That'll keep you going. Chuckles, laughing out loud every morning with your friends.

What if I put that I worked in a job with a high risk factor? Like a coal mine. I wouldn't be seeing next week. I'll go occupational hazards very high, right? Say I work in a mine. Yep. Calculate. Nah, it's not impacting anything.

It doesn't change it. Literally alcohol is the only thing that is impacting this. This sounds like the anti-booze brigade. I take it with a grain of salt. Sounds like the anti-booze brigade. Play it. CDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's Silly Little Pole. Do you like the sound of your own voice? Poe, silly little Poe, silly little Poe, silly little Poe.

Today's Silly Little Poe, do you like the sound of your own voice? Yes or no? I voted yes because I've got enough deep self-loathing going on. The voice of your worries. The voice of the issues. Less of a like, more of a least hated. Yeah. So I read an article about this because obviously now that so many people

record themselves on Instagram and TikTok and they're hearing their own voice back, right? And there's always that moment you hear your own voice, you're like, that's not what I sound like. Oh, yeah. And so people are suddenly realising like, ooh, I've got a horrendous voice. And then like an audiologist was saying like it's because we're hearing it through bone conduction, which transfers at a lower frequency than air conduction. So you're hearing my voice through air conduction,

and I'm hearing it through bone conduction, like inside my own head, which sounds nicer, right? So I hear my voice, and I'm like, oh, I'm down with that. And then you hear it out loud, you're like, ugh. Not what it's after. I guess working a radio for so long, you just get used to it. Yeah, we're so used to it. You're so used to it, even though it's still like, oh, okay.

Every now and then I'll hear it, and I'll be like, I want to be like, shut up. Especially when I hear myself because I've been, you know, writing my show and anytime I've been doing these gigs, you record yourself.

Yeah. You record yourself earnestly trying to be funny with new material in front of an audience. It is harrowing to listen back. I couldn't listen back to that. You have to listen back

being like, what's good? What's good? It's terrible. So yeah, I'm working through the South Lothic as well. Well, 8% of people voted yes. Wow.

92% of people voted no. They don't like the sound of their own voice. Dan. Wait, do you like the sound of your own voice? 8% of people said yes. Holy shibolies. Dan said, of course I do. I've got to enjoy the Meredith Grey style voiceover in my head all day long.

No, but that's not your voice. Nah. You've got to hear it back. Yeah. Wait, are some people's voices other people? In your head. In your head, the inner monologue. I only just came to grips with the fact that some people don't have an inner monologue.

There's literally like another person talking in there. No, no, it's me. Yeah, because it's me. My inner monologue is me. Yeah, but it's like a talk. It would be great to have a celebrity voice over it. Yeah, wouldn't it be nice to have a nice celebrity voice? She lifted the bottle to her lips and took a sip.

Yes. Oh, yeah. It's deep and Irish. Lauren says, to me, it sounds husky deep and intriguing, but when I hear back back it's cringy It's nasally basic and gives me the ick Not sure how anyone can have a conversation with me Lauren

Lauren I won't hear you speaking about yourself like that I won't hear it because you've got a terrible voice Lisa says No I sound like a whiny adolescent boy Lisa Grumpy Grumpy Lisa like a whiny adolescent boy. Oh. Lisa. Grumpy?

You bet. Grumpy Lisa. What's she got to say? I thought I was okay until I heard myself on a recording and I was like, oh God, shush you mush woman.

Mush woman. Mush woman. What does mush woman mean? I don't know. My dad calls me mush, but not in a negative. Yeah. Alicia says,

I like that it makes me sound younger on the phone. Not like a child, but probably just as young as I think I am in my head, aka mid-20s instead of mid-30s. Right. Yeah. Brittany says, I hate it when I sound like the Wish version of Morgan Freeman. That's saying something because I really like his voice.

Even the Wish version's good. Yeah, that's not bad. I'll take Wish Morgan. The Brittany sounds like Morgan Freeman. Yeah. That's a deep voice for a woman. Yeah. Yeah.

I went down. I can't even do it. And Adolf Reen. Steph says, No, especially being a Kiwi in Australia, part of my job as a pharmacy tech is to confirm their address and they always respond with,

My what? my what? Address. Confirm your address. Address. I like when I'm in Australia to try and speak Australian. Yeah. Yeah, mate. Like morning.

Morning. Zach said, my voice is a mix of Fergie and Jesus, which I believe is a Step Brothers quote. Yes. Step Brothers quote. When he sings. Yeah, your voice is a mix of Fergie and Jesus, which I believe is a Stepbrothers quote. Yes. It's a Stepbrothers quote. When he sings. Yeah, your voice is a mix of Fergie and Jesus. Yes, yes, yes.

Let me confirm. Stepbrothers quote. There you go. Erm. Let me go back to the tab with the results. That's all the results. That's all the results. Oh, great results, actually.

Great results. Well, we'll probably leave that there because people aren't liking their own voice, are they? I reckon we leave it there. Are they liking ours, hopefully? Hopefully. You don't think about other people's voices, do you, really? No, you just hear them. It's like everything.

You think about your own problems way more than anybody else ever identifies yours. That's right. Lift it up. Raise it up, people. Raise it up. For Jesus. For Jesus and Fergie. Our Jesus, Fergie. For Jesus. For Jesus and Fergie. Our Jesus, Fergie.

Our Jesus. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. So I saw online last night that the NZTA, the New Zealand Transport Agency, or as I like to call them, Waka Kotahi. I'm sorry. What does that mean? Well, the thing is, it's still in the logo.

It says what it means in both English and Māori. But people probably read New Zealand Transport Agency and underneath there's just this gibberish. It's bamboozling. And they're bamboozled. Well, I can tell you it means exactly what the big letters above it mean. That's a direct translation. Waka Kotahi.

Have an app. Now, you have to download TestFlight. Wait, you said you had a new app for us. I do. I got really excited. Did I or did I not say it is a boring, boring ass app? I did. I prefaced this by saying this app is boring.

So you've got to get TestFlight. It's a step in the right direction. Because this, I think, at the moment, so you get TestFlight. It's a step in the right direction. Because this, I think, at the moment, so you download TestFlight, which allows you to access apps that are like in the development. Why would you want to do that? Is that a dumb question? I'm a boring old 42-year-old white dude.

I'd like to take part in testing this app for you before it goes live. I'm just a great guy, I guess. Get a hobby, man. So you get TestF flight and then you search. Come and drink with us at the weekend. We literally have so much fun. We just live life wild. I'm out here trying to make this country a better place.

Everybody else is stripping funding from hospitals. I'm doing my part. I'm at home. What can you do on this app? So then you use RealMe, the login, which nobody knew before COVID. Nobody knew RealMe, the login, which nobody knew before COVID. Nobody knew RealMe before COVID.

Now, most people will probably know they're RealMe. Yep. And it's an official government identification that you sign up for. And I put in my RealMe login and logged in. Bingo, bingo. My driver's license details are there. So next time it's like, what's your driver's license number? And my wallet's eight steps

away and my phone's in my hand. No need for eight steps. I just saved myself 16 steps. Is that worth it? Yeah. Totes worth it. It says my version number. It says classes and endorsements.

And that's when I clicked on it. Have you got any cool classes? No. And it was a reminder that I can't drive anything other than a standard vehicle. You've got the energy of someone with a couple of classes. You do have a couple of class energy. Thank you. I've got heavy transport energy. You do have a couple of class energy. Thank you.

I've got heavy transport energy. You do. At least forklift. Forklift doesn't go on your licence, does it? Oh, it doesn't? Is it a separate licence? I think it's just a separate. Okay. That'd be pretty cool.

I don't have motorbike energy. That's scary. No. Yeah, no. I've got a couple of big truck energies. Maybe bus. Yeah, I could see you doing a bus. At a squeeze, I'll drive a bus.

It makes me feel like I want to get my endorsements. It tells me that I've had my license since 1998. Oh, wow. Which was way before Pixie was born in the office. Stop doing this to yourself. I was eight years old then. Two points to life before and after Pixie. And if you're not a regular listener to the show,

I found out she's like 20. I'm like, you're just simply not old enough to have a job. And according to the AI death calculator, how many years before your death does it tell you that? Less than Pixie's entire 20. I'm like, you're just simply not old enough to have a job. And according to the AI death calculator, how many years before your death does it tell you that? Less than Pixie's entire life. 17, so less than a Pixie. Yeah. You've got less than a Pixie left.

It says that then the next thing is demerit points, which it said I have zero demerit points, which isn't right because I got a speeding ticket about a year and a bit ago. It took two years to disappear, didn't it? Yeah, but unless they didn't put it through. From a cop. From a cop, about a year and a bit ago. It didn't take two years to disappear, did it? Yeah, but at least they didn't put a screen. From a cop. From a cop, not a speed camera.

Certain driving offences include demerit points. If you accumulate 100 or more active demerit points within a two-year period, your licence will be suspended. Okay, so it is... It says zero. It's a boring app, but this... Boring-ass app.

Below that it says my current status is current. Like, if you've got a suspended licence, it will say that. Oh, okay, yeah. And at the bottom it says Good to clear your name as anonymous broadcaster. Great to clear my name. I can put a screen cap over that.

Definitely allowed to drive. It's not foreign. Yeah, and it's not like restricted license status only to drive to and from work. Yes, yes, yes. One of those court appointed licenses for people who drink drive. And then at the bottom it says one of my proudest parts of this app, that I am a donor kebab.

They're going to have a field down these organs, which will all be absolutely ripped by the time they get there. Apart from the lungs. You know, I've got great lungs. Do you? You've got to tell me you haven't scraped off some asbestos without calling the professionals. I blew out the entire time I was doing it. Also, you've got to ride me you haven't scraped off some asbestos without calling the professionals. I blew out the entire time I was doing it.

Also, you've got a right on lawnmower. All those fumes. Good for you. Those lungs will be pickled. I can blow up the long skinny clown balloons. Oh, I can't. I've got weak lungs. I've got strong.

You reckon those will be good then? I've got a couple of horsies in there. You've got old COVID lungs. So, I don't know. You're a kebab donor. I'm a donor kebab. Yeah, I'm a donor kebab. Are you?

Yeah, mixed. Puss in tabbouleh. Mixed, yeah. Because you'd be the cream of the crop for an organ harvest. Yeah, I'm a shotgun. Gut health. Do they take the gut? I don't know if they take the gut.

I don't know if you do a stomach transplant. Or take your poops. Do you know what I mean? You can do the poop implants. Do a poop transplant. They'll take that off his corpse. They'll I mean? You can do the poop implants. Do a poop transplant. They'll take that off his corpse. They'll be like, this is such a great specimen. Grab some of that shit as well.

He's left a log in there. Grab that. Oh my God. We'll put that in pill form and get it up some bums. Put that on ice. Just how we would have wanted it. And you've got kidneys, liver, heart. You thought there was a heart issue, but there was no heart issue.

No, I've got a low heart rate, though. That's right. Remember, I wake up every morning. Apple Watch thinks you're dead every morning. That's how fit this dude is. Yeah. He rises like... From his sleep.

He's asleep. Your heart rate was 43, 44 overnight. Are you alive? I'm like, yes, I am. Far out. Ridiculous. But this is a boring act, but like you say. It's a boring app, but it's a step in the right direction

because sooner or later, I mean, when it's gone through all the testing, when valuable members of society such as myself are giving our time and energy. Instead of going out with your friends on the weekend. You might be able to have a digital license. Yeah, because some states in Aussie, like does New South Wales do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do. Some states in America as well. So you can have it in your Apple wallet or your whatever they call it on Samsung.

Alto. Alto. Worth noting. There's the license tab and then there's a vehicles tab. And you can put in your vehicle, send you a notification when the warrant's due. Oh, that's good. Oh, no. I was going to say it'll snap you as the driver when you're getting a speed ticket.

But that's not how it works. No. Because you get to say someone else's truck. Does it have 15% off meals or any drink specials? No. Do they do cheesy pleasers? No cheesy pleasers. If you use the app?

You don't get to scan your app. Is there a nugget special on this app? Is there a nugget special? Is there a free cheeseburger? $1 cheeseburger in there? Get an email. Congratulations, you get enough points for a free warrant. That's how they need to spice up the app.

That could be your feedback. Point gathering. You need point gathering. Game of fire. You can exchange it for cheesy pleases. Yeah. Or the more, or some kind of like gain you the merit points back with a game. Yeah, yeah, play Snake or something.

Yeah, great. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six.ah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top 6. Hello, Top 6 Uber recordings. Podcast episodes.

Uber can record. I mean, I think the video thing's been a safety. Yes. Feats, yeah. For the driver's safety, right? And the rider's safety. Yeah, this is a feature, a safety feature that you can opt into, right? Audio.

Do you opt in? I will be hard opting out. I'll be opting in just so I can afterwards say to Uber, can you send me a copy of that recording, please? There's an argument I would like to solve. There's an argument I would absolutely like to put to bed. I'm being told I'm gaslighting. So the audio,

this is according to the Uber website, the audio recording safety feature is designed to give you peace of mind while protecting your privacy. You can set up audio recording safety feature. It's quick and simple. You follow a step-by-step guide. On your next trip, it'll start recording. So your phone's recording it?

Yes. You allow microphone permissions. This, I can see this popping off in the gaggle group chat like nobody's business. How are you feeling today? Because here are you on the way home. Because here's your recording as we all caught an Uber home. Well, the top six episodes. Let me change that.

I'm just going to copy this into a Word document because it's not what I've got written down. It's a little behind the scenes. Yeah, a little behind the scenes. Why is Pages taking so long too? So you're saying all of these audio recordings would make great podcasts? Yes. Like the old TV shows, like the Taxi Cab Confessions.

The top six episodes of the new podcast series Uber recordings. Working title. Yeah. Working title. Working title. Okay. Top six episodes

of the new podcast series Uber recordings. Number six on the list. You guys do not want to miss the episode someone choking back the vom. You do not want to miss that. What are you saying?

I'm fine. What? Do you need me. What are you saying? I'm fine. What? Do you need me to pull over? No. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Please.

I was going to spit out the window, but it's not spewing. Yeah. You all right? Yeah. I'm good. Just keep going. The window's still down.

Is it? No, I'm good. Fine. Number five on the list of the top six episodes of the new podcast, Uber Recordings, a male professing his love to his partner who's absolutely kipped out. It's beautiful and it's romantic and the best part about it is it's recording,

so when she wakes up and feels better, presumably 18 hours later, he's going to be able to play the recording. Oh, that's lovely. That's romantic, actually best part about it is there's a recording so when she wakes up and feels better, presumably 18 hours later, he's going to be able to play the recording. Oh, that's lovely. That's romantic, actually. That's romance, actually, in the back of the Uber.

Number four on the list of the top six episodes of the new podcast series Uber Recordings. People in the back whispering about doing a runner totally figuring it's already paid for because it's all through an app now.

That's right. Doing runners from taxis. Doing runners from Texas. And they'd make you prepay sometimes. Put a bit of cash up front. Yeah, put a bit of cash up front. Yeah, they knew

if you were like, just pull over here and let's buy one of those urban walkways that would take you from one cul-de-sac to another. Yeah.

And you'd boost it through and then they'd drive around and you'd pop out and they'd be there in a bit of a scuba-doo situation. You'd run back through and they'd drive back around.

It's time to go over the fence. You never did a runner. Nah. I was too fat and slow. I did one once. I hate to say it I did one once. Did you?

Yeah I was with a naughty boy. Hayley. And we were about to pay and he just opened the door and he just said run and I ran. And I got such a fright and I hated it

and I've never done it again. I'm so sorry to that driver. So he didn't give you a heads up? No. He just opened the door and said run. No it was not the plan. He was just a little shy.

Oh that's horrible. Was this in your boss naughty a heads up? No. He just opened the door and said run. No, it was not the plan. He was just a little shy. Oh, that's horrible. Was this in your boss naughty days? Yeah. Okay. Number three on the list of the top six episodes of the new podcast series, Uber Recordings, is the episode, people, brackets, generally males, close brackets, telling the driver there's a quicker way than what his app's saying.

Yep. Yeah. It's actually not the quicker way, mate. There's a way quicker way than that. Yeah. Follow my instructions. You're going the long way, are you? You're not going to take the tunnel. It's actually not The quicker way mate There's a way quicker way Than that Yeah Follow my instructions You're not going to

Take the tunnel It's always quicker Yeah yeah Interesting You don't want to Take the tunnels I'll take the tunnels mate Just go the quicker way

Number two on the list Of the top six episodes Of the new podcast series Uber Recordings Is a very dramatic episode Called one of those Under your breath domestics That you have in public

I told you not to say anything You said something a dramatic episode called one of those under your breath domestics that you have in public. I told you not to say anything. You said something. We will talk about this afterwards. I'm going to talk. That is getting talked about now. We've just crushed it. Don't.

Yeah, just over here, Scob. Yeah, anywhere here is fine. Anywhere here is fine. Thanks. Thank you. Have a good night. What am I doing? And number one on the list of the top six episodes of the new podcast series, Uber Recordings.

We finally get the answer to what is the number one question always asked in an Uber? Is it busy night? Or have you just started or are you nearly finished? Yeah. We'll finally have definitive factual audio evidence of which one of those questions is the most asked. That is today's top six.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Oh, my God. So if you don't know Cartier, it's a jeweler, like a very high-end jeweler. They do lots of diamonds, watches, and quite famous for their Love Lock series, which is like a very desired bracelet. I just googled C-A-R-T-I-E-R and bracelet. How much is a

Love Lock? If you get diamonds in it, they're like $15,000. Yeah. And it's all so that people will say, is that cutty? It's that kind of vibe. Wank is what you're saying. I believe the word might be wank.

Big wank energy. If I was ever given one, I'd be like, holy shibolis. But no, I'd actually flip my lid at Aaron and be like, are you kidding me? Take this back, get the money, we have things that would actually be practical for our lives. Or spend $15,000

on a trip to Southeast Asia and just get a leather band. Or literally buy a fake cardigan that looks exactly the same. Yeah. Anyway, so they also do in this series, these earrings. And there was a man in Mexico who bought a pair of earrings. Yeah. And an error meant that he paid $28 not $28,000. Now I'm imagining that's American dollars.

Yep. Based on where I'm reading this article. Okay. No, that's ours. Because I just googled Cartier earrings because I wanted to know what they look like. And the top story is he purchased $13,000 US earrings for $13. Right. So yeah, $28,000. $28,000 to $28,000, wherever this article is.

So they basically came for him and said like, well, this is an error. And he was like, well, no, because you pay what you're charged. If you're advertised a price, like on a website or a store, they've got to- They have to honour it.

They have to honour it. So he went to, he took the case. Basically, they were like, so you owe us $27,000. Yeah. And he took it to the Consumer Protection Agency, which is, yeah, like, it's not quite like suing, but you're saying like you have to honour the consumer laws. And they ruled in his favour.

So he got a pair of gold Cartier earrings worth 28 grand for $28. Amazing. Isn't that wild? See, when it's a big company, you're just like, whatever. Like that's not going to affect their bottom line, is it? Because it wasn't through Cartier. It wasn't through a retailer who had purchased them and wholesale from them. If it was like a shopping era and it was like, I don't know,

just like a little business, you'd feel bad about that. You wouldn't. Yeah. Would you? Do you remember at that bar that time and I went to pay for drinks and they passed me, they thought they'd scanned it, but they just passed me the EFTPOS terminal and it was like, enter amount, and I was like, oh.

I had a big round of drinks. I was like, $4. Enter. And waited until it said accepted. And I pulled the receipt off and gave them and they just saw it said accepted. I was like, cheers. Two weeks later, the bar went under. Now, was I to blame?

Who knows? Oh, my God, 4.0. No. It wasn't a very nice bar. The people there were obnoxious. And to be honest, $4 was what I was willing to pay for watered down drinks. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Hamilton.

I know this happens sometimes. It happens a lot at groceries, but I wonder if it's happened on a larger scale. When did a shopping era fall in your favour? Oh, I love these. Yeah. Maybe you took up the price and it had the wrong tag on it and you ended up getting a dress for like, well, no money.

No money. Zero money. Like $14 instead of like $104 or something. I've had it the other way around where they put the decimal point in the wrong thing. And I think I paid $140 for a $14 thing. And then they, you know. Because I feel it happens less these days with like retail because everything

is so in the system now. The tags, the barcodes, when they put it through the till. You got the skoo, you got the ploo. You got the skoo, you got ploo. It's hard to stuff up where you got skoo and ploo. Very rarely do they actually have to put in the amount on the FPOS machine, right?

Like it automatically just appears from the computer. I don't know. That's what I want to hear. Okay, you want to hear some stories? I do want to hear some stories, Fletch. When was there a bank... Not a bank era. It's not Monopoly.

We're not playing a game. This is a job. A shopping era. When was there a shopping era in your favour? That's what the Monopoly card should now say. Yeah. When was there a shopping era in your favour? 0800-DARLES should now say. Yeah. When was there a shopping error in your favour? 0800 1000 M.

Give us a call. You can text her as well. 9696. Shopping errors in your favour. Yeah. We can keep it anonymous as well. Yeah, if you were a naughty boy like Vaughan. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

It's quarter past seven. Don't you just call yourself Fleech? I've got a bit of mandarin in my arm. It's really sour mandarin since early in the mandarin season. Yeah, is it? Tell you what's coming, though. Tell you what will be in studio, I reckon, in about a month. Big boxes of limes.

Oh, yeah. We saved the tree, guys. You saved the trees. My lemon trees. I thought it was done. I was ready to rip them out. Back. He obviously heard. You saved the trees. My lemon trees, I thought it was done. I was ready to rip them out. Back. He obviously heard.

Pulling his weight. I don't know if that's how lemon trees work. In fact, the story I'm about to tell you soon on the show about my pants incident directly related to the lemon tree. Oh, you don't want to get lemon in it? Anyway, side thought. Stay tuned. Right now we want to know about if you had a shopping error in your favour

because a guy in Mexico managed to nab a $28,000 pair of Cartier earrings for $28. The deal of the century. Deal of the century. You'd be selling them, wouldn't you? Do you know what I mean? But he wanted them, right? Yeah, I know. But now you could get thousands for them.

Brand new, as new. Michaela, when did you get a shopping error in your favour? So this last summer, we decided we wanted to buy some outdoor furniture for our new deck. Oh yeah. And we had a gift card that we got for Christmas from family members, so we thought we'd use that. So we were processing the order online which was about

sixteen hundred dollars and um for some reason it kept like i got an email to say that our order had been processed and we could go pick it up yeah and when i looked back at our bank statements we'd like paid for it but then it got refunded back to us so I was like well, it might be nice to say we can still pick it up So we went there we picked it up no issues at all Yeah At the time also was every $500 you spent you got a $100 voucher a $50 voucher back. Sorry Yeah, so we walked away with $300 worth of outdoor furniture

and $150 worth of... Oh, no, you know what? They're going to find out. Michaela, you're going to be looking over your shoulder. Hayley thought she got free aircon for like nine months. This literally just happened to me. Like, we thought we'd paid and then they were like, no, you're all good. And we're like, okay.

This is different. We did get an email saying we've just checked our report. Oh, garbled. good. We're like, okay. And then they come for you. This is different. We did get an email. We've just checked our record. You're showing that you paid. Did you pay? And I thought, could I get away with it? But I was like, no, I'll be a good girl. You have to.

No, we didn't pay for it. You nearly got free outdoor furniture. Nearly. We nearly got free outdoor furniture. Nearly. We nearly got like, yeah, $600 worth of furniture and $150 of vouchers as well. Wow. See, they find you, they find you.

They do find you. They'll hunt you down. Michaela, thank you. Some messages in about shopping era in your favour. My Mecca Beauty Loop has an issue and I always get double rewards. Oh, that's's nice That's nice Had it real big From the other side of the desk there

Yeah that's nice How does that rewards thing work You like spend and get points And then you can spend those but you also get Like beauty points and you get in the loop And you want to be like level 3 I'm level 3 tier baby and you get in the loop and you want to be like level three. I'm level three tier, baby. And you get these boxes. The highest?

No, level four. It's a cult. She also just described Scientology. Yeah. Mechatology. I'm aiming for level four. I'm actually going to Mecha today. Are you going to get some bum bum cream and some soldier de Niro? I might get a little bit of soldier de Niro. I might get a bit of bum bum.

Well, you must be level four in no time. I know. I'm trying. I'm doing my best. Okay. But double points would help. Steph, when did you get a shopping error in your favour? Sorry, about five years ago.

Sorry, Steph. Sorry. Just what level are you at Mecca? Are you in the beauty loop? In the beauty loop? No. Do you go to shop at Mecca? No. No, you're a good girl. Good girl, Steph. I'm not that cool. No, I go to the pharmacy. It's the beauty loop. No. Do you go to shop at Mecca? No.

No, you're a good girl. Good girl. I'm not that cool. No, I go to the pharmacy. It's the same shit. Honestly. No, I was shopping for a phone online, went onto Samsung,

and I sort of made my decision to buy it through on their website, only because they had all this free shit. So I was like, wireless. You got it. And wireless charger. So it was cool. headwind and wireless charger. So it was cool. So I went with that, made the order,

waited actually two, three months and actually didn't end up coming. Two, three months? That's a long time ago. I would have been on the phone after like three days. No, I made some way inquiries. I thought, come on, Samsung. Then I thought, is the website legit?

And then they'd had some processing errors on their system. And then eventually I got my phone and I checked my bank. I'd got my receipt and everything. And my bank had returned payment. I couldn't even find the payment anywhere in my statement anymore. And I actually let them know because I thought this is a lot of money and I'm a little bit, got a little bit of integrity.

And then I never heard back. Five years later, I've still got the Samsung S21 and it's awesome. Got the free wireless charger and the headphones. Amazing. The headphones.

You can't say you didn't try. I think that's the thing. You tried. You tried. Yeah. And I was honest't try. I think that's the thing. I tried. You tried. Yeah. And I was honest with Samsung, and they just let me have it. And you've given them a great review of the phone as well, still going. She loves it.

Oh, amazing. Five years later. This is the longest phone I've ever had. Like, usually they'll ask me one to two years. I've had five years. I think it's worth it to be judged every time you send a green text, you know? That's all right. Hayley, Hayley, Jane Sproul. Steph, thank you. Anna, Anna, when did you get a green text, you know? That's alright. Hayley, Hayley, Jane Sproul.

Steph, thank you. Anna, when did you get a shopping error in your favour? Hey, is that me? That's you, babes. Good morning. I, last year I had my Uber Eats on refund for a few months. What? How does that work? How do you get that level?

I don't know. So I ordered Uber Eats. They gave me a wrong order one time. And then, so they refunded it. And then from then out, for a couple of months, it was all just refunding. What, so every time you got an Uber Eats, it would just automatically refund you?

Yep. Every time. And then, so when you caught on to this, did you buy more and more? Absolutely. Yeah. It made about 10 kgs. It was great.

Yeah, but who cares, man? I would literally have Uber Eats for every meal and just be like, here we go. Here we go. Nor I, love. There's only like three options. Yeah. And a man shouldn't eat a curry every night. Yeah.

Now, and what happened when it cut off? Nah, nothing. They just carried on like it didn't happen. It was great. I mean, they make a bank, right? Yeah. Ubering in the UK, well, it does feel bad because, you know, it's the UK. So it's all good.

Wow. Anna, thank you. Some messages in to finish. Your shopping area is in your favour. I bought so many. Ten large magnolia trees. Lovely. I love a magnolia. Oh, the smell. I mean, a beautiful winter bloomer. But at the same time, the scent of large magnolia trees. Lovely. I love a magnolia.

Oh, the smell. I mean, a beautiful winter bloomer, but at the same time, the scent of a magnolia. Can't be beaten. I know. And was only charged for one. I said to the girl, oh, there's ten there. And she scanned one, and then she was like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

pressed the button to be like, add another one. And then I said again, no, there's ten there, because it was still the same price. And she said, yes said again, no, there's 10 there because it was still the same price. And she said, yes. And I said, there's 10, there's 10 trees here. And they stuck their head

around the corner and was like, yes, there are. And then was like, boop, $20 please. Wow. Time and time again missed the point

that they hadn't. So then I was just like, great saving. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? You've tried. You tried. Yeah. That's a good, and it would smell even sweeter if, great saving. Yeah. Yeah, why not? You've tried. You tried.

Yeah. That's a good, and it would smell even sweeter if it was free. Yeah. Well, no, I bought a roast pork from. I just love this. I just love a story that sounds like I bought a roast pork. I bought a roast pork 25 years ago from a supermarket, paid 94 cents. Three boys under five to feed.

It was completely mislabeled. Even at the time, it should have been 94 cents. Best mislabeled, even at the time. It should have been $0.94. Best treat ever. Oh, delicious. Take it. I handed over a $50 note to pay for clothes at a clothing retailer. They thought it was $100, so I got clothing for free plus $70 change.

Gee. And I said, you got me too much change. And they pulled the drawback open and looked and were just like, no, no, that's right, because obviously there's just money in there. I just read one that was someone had, this is great that I've started it well, it's not in front of me. We're getting so many messages and they're flooding. I was in a department store and the girl bagged up two skirts and two tops

and handed me the bag. I was still holding my card waiting to pay. I tried to tell her three times. She hadn't actually charged me. She was like, no, yes, you have. I've paid. It's rung off on the till. Smiled and took the bag. I was still holding my card waiting to pay. I tried to tell her three times. She hadn't actually charged me. She was like, no, yes you have. I've paid. It's rung off on the till.

Smiled and took the bag. I tried. You tried. You tried. Tried. That's how we sleep at night. We say we tried. We tried.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Now, the NZ International Comedy Fest kicks off this Friday with the galahs and then all the shows roll out, including a show that I'm very excited to not see because we're on at the same time.

And Hayley doesn't support other women in comedy. And I just don't think women are funny. Rhianna McCool, welcome to the show. Thanks, Hayley. I'm actually a bit put off by that welcome. Why? Well, because you introduced me and said I'm not going to go. And then right at the end you said because my show's on at the same time,

maybe you could have led with that info at the start. Right. Did it sound like I wasn't going to go because I don't think that you're funny? Yeah. Why just like women in general? This is what happens when too many women get in the same space. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Too competitive. Yeah, we're fighting already. We'll settle it with a fist fight later. No, we don't do fists. We do slaps. We're women. Of course, sorry. And hair pulling.

And hair pulling. And squealing. Then it turns sexy. Now you're selling tickets. We're delighted to have you on the show. Tell us about your show that I genuinely... Yeah, I'll see it. Okay, thank you.

Great to have the full support of fellow woman. Yes. The show is called Toxic Shock Bimbo. It is about being a woman, but it's not just for women. It's for anyone. The main theme of the show is why we really want to be liked. Yes. I know this so deeply in my core.

Yeah. Fletch couldn't give a shite if people liked him or not, I reckon. Really? How do you do that? He just lives a good life. It's simple. They don't like you, you write them off immediately. Yeah.

Right. You don't go to sleep, replay conversations in your head. No. I couldn't care less. How do you not care? There's some opening up to do here, Rhi. It's a deeper project of mine. I'm working on it.

When he goes, he's going to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to really... The floodgates will be open. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. He'll crumble.

You're a likeable person. Why are you? I think sometimes it does. I think mainly how I came up with the concept for this show is that I have a lot of comedy that's smutty and maybe I think, oh, I'd hate for my nana to watch this. And so I haven't really put it into a show before.

And then this is the first show I'm like, I'll just put it all out there and maybe disgrace my good name. But I think it's funny and relatable, so I'm going to say it. Well, obviously other people do as well. You're a Billie T nominee. Thank you. That's like a huge honour. Thank you so much. I never got one. It's fine.

You don't need one, Hayley. You're a star. Thank you. That's what I wanted. Wow, making it about herself. Yeah, she knew you've dealt with Hayley before. Yeah, we know each other well. But actually, Rhiannon and I did a little work in progress showing last week together. We did.

It was so fun. And I saw some of your show and it's very funny. Funnier than me. I'll say it. I'll say I was the worst on the night. I was the worst on the night. I'm not digging for anything. You are out of your mind with respect. You got a lot of laughs. Yeah.

But it was just that one person that she concentrated on in the crowd that wasn't laughing as much as everybody else that she remembers. Yeah. What? So I also did. It was me. I go to Hayley's comedy show on purpose and don't laugh. I just stonewall her.

I'm just like, shake my head. And you sit front and centre. Yeah, right. Cross your arms. Yeah, yeah, really cut myself off. Yeah. It's really unapproachable. Vaughn also likes to be negged, though.

It's my turn on. Well, we've got to call the interview over because someone's got to rage you. Do you know, because we love characters on the show because you do a lot of characters in your show. Heaps. I love some kooky characters, we've been promised. Yeah.

Vaughn does a bit of character work and so does Fletch, actually. He does, doesn't he? He does one. Middle Eastern, Middle Eastern camel salesman and so does Fletch actually. He does. Middle Eastern camel salesman and a Persian rug doctor. And the Persian rug doctor

is angry because he's a rug doctor with a qualification and there's this thing you can hire from the supermarket coming in and claiming to be a rug doctor. He's got a real issue

with the rug. Have you done this character on the radio? No! Well you have to do it right now. That's a joke. That's a joke. That's a joke. She's a master of characters.

She can fake it. Whoever does it, as a room full of people not of Persian descent, whoever does it's going down and I have no part of it. I'm not doing it. Who are some of the characters we shall meet in Toxic Shock Bimbo? One of them is a little bit of a spoiler. I opened the show with a hack stand-up comedian from New York City. His name's Glassy Monroe.

Hey, we got a couple of New York characters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Forget about it. Okay, so you guys know Glassy so he's pretty dicey but he does a great set up the top. Oh God, he's got a speech impediment. I don't I think he, sometimes I do that

by mistake. I've got to cut it out of the character. No, no, no. I don't... I think he... Sometimes I do that by mistake. I've got to cut it out of the character. No, no, no. I wasn't calling that. I was not calling that. You've got to do an accent and a speech impediment. Yeah.

That's a real skill that Hayley doesn't possess. Whoa. This is true. You can get there. Suzanne Paul. I'm going to call Natural Glow.

The Suzanne Paul. Are you allowed to do characters of people who actually exist? She may have umbrage with that. Suzanne's fodder, for sure. I don't know. Well, I originally did a character that's definitely Suzanne Paul. Are you allowed to do characters of people who actually exist? She may have umbrage with that. Suzanne's fodder, for sure. I don't know.

Well, I originally did a character that's definitely Suzanne Paul, and I called her Poo-Zan Saul because I didn't want to get in trouble. Legal reasons. Yes. But then someone told me that name sounds like it was made by a five-year-old, and then because I'm so desperate to be liked, I changed it. So now I don't know if I go Suzanne Paul or Poo-Zan Saul. I love Poo-Zan Saul.

Yeah, of course. It's got simple comedyoozan Saul. I love Poozan Saul. He's got simple comedy. Poozan Saul. Well if you want to see Poozan Saul and your slowy New York character and Rhiannon McCall just in general being a delight. You're doing Wellington and Auckland. That's correct. You're at Bats.

14th to the 18th of May. I feel like I'm telling you. 8.30. And you're at Basement Yes. 14th to the 18th of May. Yep, 8.30pm. I'm telling you, 8.30. And you're at Basement in Auckland, 21st to the 25th of May. 6.30pm, baby. God, guys, 6.30pm. Gorgeous. If you want tickets, go to comedyfestival.co.nz. Book a ticket to see Rhiannon's show.

Thanks, Rhi. Please. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, no, I'm not desperate. Tell them they don't need to. Tell them you don't care. I don't care if you guys are there. How do you do it, Fletch? Oh, whatever, I'm down and desperate. Tell them they don't need to. Tell them you don't care. I don't care if you guys are there.

How do you do it, Fletcher? Oh, whatever, I don't mind. It's come or done. If you come, you come. If you don't, you're missing out. Whatever. If you come, if you come. If you don't, you don't.

You're missing out. You're lost. There's a new character for your show. Playing Smiles Fletcher from Smim Smim. Thank you, Rhi. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hi there. My name is Vaughn Smith. Hi, Vaughn. I'm Hayley Sproul. Hi, Hayley Sproul. Nice. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hi there.

My name is Vaughan Smith. Hi, Vaughan. I'm Hayley Sproul. Hi, Hayley Sproul. Nice to meet you. This is Carl Fletcher, who I've worked with. Nice to meet you, Carl. For 20 years.

Thank you. Just call me Fletch. Okay, Fletch. Fletch. I don't know you yet. I'll call you Fletch when we become friends, Carl. When you become friends. Fletch, apartment dweller.

Hayley, old school. Villa. Urban. Not urban, Hayley. Old school. Villa. Urban. Not urban, urban. Not modern urban. Cottage urban. Yeah. Sproul.

I live on a lifestyle block. Le petit farmlet. Yeah. French for small farm. Sometimes. Yesterday I had a lot of jobs. Not right now. To catch up.

No, no. There's a lot of bills. A lot of bills. Yesterday I had some jobs to catch up on. M no, there's a lot of bills. A lot of bills. Yesterday I had some jobs to catch up on. Mow the lawns, et cetera, et cetera. Growing fast at the moment, aren't they? Yeah, weird, weird autumn growth there. Thank you for noticing.

Thank you on behalf of all lawn enthusiasts for appreciating a bit of lawn growth at present. Great time to get into a little bit of winter prep for the lawn. I'm not here to talk about lawns. And I was picking up all the dog poo off the lawn. I own two dogs. I had three. One died.

Don't want to talk about it. And what about your dead cat? Two dead cats. Don't want to talk about him either. We went from the space of having six animals to three pretty smartly. I will, if there is a silver lining, we are in a cost of living crisis.

That's right. And we did eat them. So you make the most of these things when, you know, can't live a gift horse in the mouth. I knew that bacon was funky, eh? Including when we eat the gift horse. Yeah. So I was outside, I was picking up dog poo and I was getting ready to mow the lawns and then

I was overwhelmed with nature's call to go wee-wees. Oh, okay. Beautiful call. Now, I said before on air that my lemon tree is thriving. And I put that down to the fact, if I'm ever outside, I never go inside to wee. Oh, you just, because you're on the farm. If I'm outside, I said before on air that my lemon tree is thriving. And I put that down to the fact if I'm ever outside, I never go inside to wee. Oh, you just because you're on the farm. If I'm outside, I just go wee.

I'm weeding your garden. Yeah, good. Yeah, I mean, we were in the house drinking at the time. It was a bit weird. We're in the garden. Did you wee on the lemon tree? I always, people are like, oh, where can I wee? I'm like, on one of those three citrus trees.

No, sort of towards the hedge by the pool. Oh, no, don't wee there. Sorry. Sorry. I don't know if the hedge wants it. I was quite drunk. The lemon tree's thriving because I always wee on it if I'm outside. Anyway, yesterday I was outside, needed to wee.

Wee, wee, wee. Thinking about different things. Distracted, distracted. Pushed everything back in through the fly. Thumbed it. Thumbed it back in. Thumbed it back in. Thumbed it back in. Through the fly so you had it unbuttoned.

No, no. That's what I'm always unbuttoned. So you're pulling that thing through a zip. Okay. This is something George is also looking confused. You don't do that. What are you talking about? What are you doing?

It's rough. You don't thread it through and then thread it through the under. No, no. Why are you undering the underfloor? That's what the fly is for. Fly comes down and then you put a finger in, you put your under curtain down. And then you drag the...

Through the serrated open zip. No, you don't. No, no, you open. Yeah, I know, but... It's delicate skin. The penis is delicate skin. You're telling me that's delicate. You give it up.

Absolutely. It's calloused. It's calloused at this stage. You're a single man living alone in an apartment. It is calloused. Wow. Okay, well, what happened to yours then? Well, no, it's calloused. It's calloused at this stage. You're a single man living alone in an apartment. It is calloused. Wow, okay, well, what happened to yours then? Well, no, it was all, that was fine. Pulled it out, pushed it back in.

Serrated teeth do nothing to this hard leather. Oh, I know, I know what's coming. No, no, no, so I push it back in, undie curtain up, and then I just ripped up the fly, which grabbed the undie, but also a little bit of the penis. This is why you don't go through the fly. You don't go through the fly. The side. Because I pushed it in and tucked it to the side,

because this is what you do to avoid this sort of thing. So it was like the side, and then up went the thing. Up went the zip and it just nipped it. You almost wish it grabbed more than just that little nip. If it had grabbed more, it would have stopped itself. But it went right through it. Right through it. And I was like.

Did you just pull the zipper part? I was like. Or did you have to go back down through it? I panicked and pulled it back down through it. Double. Double. Double pinch. And I was like, ow. So you've got like a big track mark now.

No, it's like. Little like, just a little pinch. No, it's like a carpet burn. Oh, no. And a hole in the front of the undies because the zip was just like How fast were you pulling that up? I was just like Just how you do it

You don't muck around This is why if you unbutton the pants You avoid all of this There's more space to be covering it with the undie and more space You're less than that Why are you undoing the button and the belt and the zip? That's what the fire's for.

There's not enough room. There's enough room for movement. There's enough room for some people. I don't have a huge penis. I don't need to undo the button every time. I'm not ashamed to admit that. But you're threading it through. It's threading it through and then tucked it back in and even gave it a push

to the side. That's why I got it on the side. Oh. And it was one of those ones where I was like, I don't even want to go and check. No, no, no. I'm scared. Oh, yeah. Stingy? Yeah. You know when old guys have heart attacks and they're just like, nah. And they just keep doing what they're doing

because they're like, that wasn't a heart attack. When old guys will like skin their arm and they'll just hold and be like, oh, well, don't look at that. It was like that time I was using an angle grinder and the disc broke and stabbed it to my chest. And I was like, wow, I mean, if I look and it's bad, I'm probably going to die. This is why you need your dungarees

when you're using your angle grinder. Yeah, that would be a bit of extra protection. I've told you to be careful on grinder before. Yeah, I know. You don't make it fast and loose on grinder. Yeah. It's led to many broken hearts. Do your dungarees have a fly?

Yes. Above the apron, below the Yes. Above the apron. Below the apron. Below the apron where the pant fly would usually be. Right. So you can still thread. I think you've got to start unbuttoning. Yeah.

Oh, and if that's a time waster. Oh my God. Well, would you rather waste a split second of time or lose a quarter of your penis? You slowly chip away at that thing. It's small. It's small. But a carbabraise didn't stand off a quarter of it. It's small. A carbabraise didn't stand off a quarter of it.

You're already saying it's small. You're just chipping away. Chipping away. It'll be nothing. But then doesn't scar tissue grow back thicker? So it might actually gain me a smaller amount. I'm just like, for God's sake, you'll have a calloused penis. Anyway, just be careful out there.

Oh, and Jared knacked himself too with a lint roller. Oh, yeah, we're doing a round the room genie check. Yeah, so we're looking after a cat at the moment. Obviously, its hair is everywhere. So I was lint rolling my trousers. And then I was doing the inside of the thigh because there was lots of hair in there. And then I just rolled it.

You were going for a blopper. You were wiping backwards. You were going from the knee to the sack. Yeah, I was going up and down, up and down. And then on the... You were going for a whopper. You were wiping backwards. You were going from the knee to the sack. I go away. Punch yourself in the ball. Did you get the cord? I got left and right. Do you guys know about the cord?

The string. No, no, no. The cord that joins the testicle to wherever... The seam. Whatever magical factory happens up there. The seam. Not the seam. Not the seam. Not the seam of the scrotum.

There's a cord and it's an interior cord that attaches to the testicle and goes up into the magical factory. He also gets that out of his gene fly too. Paws and all. Yeah, paws and all. I need the freedom. Might as well air those things out a bit,

you know what I'm saying? Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Does your cat like a box? Loves a box. Loves a box. Hayley. Does your cat like a box? Loves a box. Loves a box. Vaughn, your cat like a box? Um, no.

Raleigh's obsessed with boxes. Not a huge box cat, Cheetah. I can go and buy like a cat toy and he'll be like, but then if I get something in a box, I'll put it on the floor for a second and he's in it and he's playing with it.

Box, basket, anything. He loves it. Same with Raleigh. Well, there was a cat from Utah who loved box. His name is Galena. His name? Her name? Its name? The cat's name was Galena. Well, you can't misgender a cat. Let me check.

Hang on. So just spend a minute there just to get that right. That would be lovely. I did misgender. Wow. And I would like to apologize. My dad constantly misgenders our dogs. Does he? So does my mum to her cats. Because they've got two golden retrievers that are both girls and they've only ever had girl dogs, but both of our dogs are boys.

Right. At the weekend when he was up, he was just constantly saying, hey, girls, hey, girls. And everybody was like, oh, I've done it again. Like, he offended them. Looking around to make sure he's not being cancelled Well Galena Galena, she her

loves boxes She purr Loves boxes apparently and their owner I know I've used their then I've used they I've stuffed up here Her owner

bought some work boots from Amazon, some steel cap work boots. I knew that's where I'd get them. Let's absolutely talk about that. We're simply short on time. We can't get into the boots. But the boots were the wrong fit, bought from Amazon, so they went back into a box and returned into Amazon. Who loves boxes?

Galena. Wait, how did they fit the boxes, the boots and the cat in the box? I don't know, Vaughan. I mean, this sounds like someone wanted rid of the cat. No. Devastated. They were like, our cat's gone missing.

Could not find the cat. Six days, this cat's missing. Now, at six days, you're going, it's been hit by a car. It's not coming back. It's been stolen. Or cats go away to die as well. They do take themselves away to die. Six days later, they get a call from their vet

who has been contacted by someone 1,000 kilometres away where Galena has been found inside the Amazon package of the return boots. She survived there for nearly a week without any food or water, was really dehydrated or anything because they didn't open it up. of the returned boots. She survived there for nearly a week without any food or water, was really dehydrated or anything because they didn't open it up. Then they, like it took six days to get

from Utah to California and they found it. Amazon owner opened up the returned package and this cat comes out like... Very upset, very thirsty, but otherwise totally fine. Took it to a local vet, scanned the microchip, traced it all the way back to Utah. Two and two together, cats reunited. And they've got the cat back. Did they get the right boots?

Absolutely fine. Did they get the right boots in the end? I believe they got the right size shoe as well. So it's a happy story all round. Do you think the cat went in the boot? Well, if they were big working boots. That's in a big boot. You know, sometimes you get those boxes and there's a tiny thing inside.

It might have been a situation where it was a tiny shoe box in a big box. Yeah, it could be. Could be. Anyway, harrowing tale. Harrowing cat's tale. I don't know if the joke needed to be said twice, but there it is. A harrowing cat's tale. I don't know if the joke needed to be said twice, but there it is. A harrowing cat's tale. A harrowing cat's tale.

So Miss Universe is like the name of the competition and then you go like city, then you go country, then you go the world. So Miss Universe Buenos Aires has been crowned. And now she goes on to win, you know, compete in Miss Universe Argentina. Right. And then Miss Universe of the world. Now, the thing that's different about her is that she is the oldest woman to ever be crowned

in the Miss Universe pageant at the age of 60. So she's never been married because remember there was that controversy that someone entered Miss Universe but they were married and they're like, technically that's Mrs. Universe. Yeah, well, they changed a lot of their rules last year. I don't know if that's one of them, but it used to be that you had to be between 18 and 28.

And then they changed that in September 2023. So it's quite a new little law change for Mrs. Universe. Would you have thought, the competition goes back to 1952, would you have thought Argentina would have won? You would have, right? Hot. They've never won. What?

Like us. We've never won. Miss Universe. But what about Miss World? Oh, I don't know about Miss... Do the Lorraine Downs want to Miss World? I don't know.

The Lorraine Downs? Now, look, I don't want to... I'm just scrolling through all the winners. I think it's Miss World. Do you know the first winner was from Finland in 1952? Yes, this is a fact

from the day once. Was it? 17. Yeah, I know, I listen to the show every day. I'll be honest, I'm a new listener. And just, you scroll down the age, 17, 18, 21, 21, 20, 17, 24, 18, 20, 18. So they had the age limit and that's been lifted, but

she's not the only one, but so this is the first time round that the age limit's been lifted. So also in Dominican Republic, the winner is 47 years old. So that's a lot older than your usuals. Oh, no, we have won one. Check 1983. What does that say?

We have. Okay, so I was reading it. So I thought the one was next to Chile, but it's actually all of these countries have one winner. So we have won once and Argentina has also won once. Yeah. So we're as hot as Argentina. We're as hot.

I knew it. Who else are we as hot as? It felt like we weren't as hot. We weren't as hot. United States has the most titles, nine wins. Venezuela, seven. Puerto Rico, five. Those were always my favourite.

The Philippines is one, four. Even as a young, I should have seen as a young man. But I was not meant To end up with Plain white bread in my life Because When we used to Watch this as young men

I would always That'd be like Miss Venezuela And I'd be like She's gonna win She already won my heart She already won my heart Born you

Yeah I'm just looking out If only I could save her economy She'd love me If only If only I could save her economy. She'd love me. If only. If only I could solve political unrest in Venezuela. And the hyperinflation that exists.

Maybe she too would love me as I do her. Now, reading up about Miss Alejandra Rodriguez. Yeah. Classic. Beautiful name. Classic name. At the age of 60, she's a mum. So I wanted to know this morning, and I want to get some messages and calls in.

Yeah. You got a hot mum? Got a milf on your hands. Got a milf. Are we looking at a milf? We're not going to say that. I find that a derogatory term. Yeah.

Okay. I prefer a miller. Mother, I'd like to romance. Georgia Burt, though, did say she would like to be a milf, though, when she finally has kids. Yeah, born to see good luck. And told her she'd be a prune. Yeah.

She'd be a prune mum. Raisin mum. Sunbathe too much. She used to oil up before going in the sun. She smokes durries. Yes, she does. She smokes durries. She's literally smoking a durry right now.

She says, well, I don't. Imagine Irene, Irene from Home and Away as Georgia Burt on school pick-up. Yeah. Are you just Googling Irene from Home and Away? Georgia Burt on School Pickup. Yeah. Are you just Googling Irene from Home and Away? Oh, Irene from the back. Oh, yeah. Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. What's her name?

No, you're Irene. Shut up, Irene. We want to know, do you have a hot mum? Are we taking hot dads? Nah. Nah, hot mums only. Yeah. Actually, you know what?

Hot dads. Do you have a hot parent? Nah. Nah, hot mums only. Yeah. Actually, you know what? Hot dads. You've got hot folks. So you have a hot parent. Yeah. Okay. Maybe you've got to always put up with things. Your friends have always been weird around that. You would know if your parents are hot because your friends would always be like,

oh my God, you're a dad. Or oh my God, you're a mum. Yeah. Is that your mum? Yeah. I grew up in this period of the 90s where dads were all dorky. Like there wasn't hot dads. Yeah, dads were dorky in the 90s. Dads were dorky period of the 90s where dads were all dorky. Like there wasn't hot dads. Yeah, dads were dorky in the 90s.

Dads were dorky as in the 90s. Like there just wasn't hot dads. I'm sorry, but there just wasn't hot dads in the 90s. They were dorky. Yeah. Even the sporty ones, they were always like, like had big moustaches and like these weird puffy mullets and stuff. It wasn't hot.

I don't think we say puffy. Not puffy. Puffy. Wow, gotcha. We used to be able to say that in the 90s. Wow, got him. Has your dad got a poofy mullet? Has your dad a poof? Has your dad a poof?

Oh my god. Amazing. People used to say that out loud. I know. Some people still do. I just don't surround myself with them anymore. Okay, 0800-DANCE-IT-IN. We want to take your calls now. Is this an impossible phone-in topic? Oh, no, it's not. Are you kidding me? Absolutely not.

Do you have a hot mum? They're a hot dad. They're a hot mum. You can tell if you've got a good-looking mother or father. We want to take your call. 0800DARNZ.M is our number. Text through 9696. Do you got a hot mum or do you got a hot dad?

Good England. Good England. We want to see them. The winner of Miss Universe Buenos Aires is 60 years old. She has a hot dad? Good England. Good England. We want to see them. The winner of Miss Universe Buenos Aires is 60 years old. She has a mother. Yep. And she is hot.

Has she had, like, any, is like... Do you know what? Looking, not overtly. Okay. Probably a touch of the talks, but, you know, she's not, like, stapled back. May I inquire to some fellow professional broadcasters here, given that we are complimenting hot people,

full names? Oh, I don't know, Vaughan. If we were saying bad things about people, we'd avoid it for legal sake. Well, we're going to go to an anonymous caller now. We've got anonymous. Who's in a rush. So we'll come to you first, anonymous. You, I believe, have a hot mum.

Hi, yep. How hot? I think the Grease soundtrack said it best when they said, tell me more, tell me more. Yeah, so she's definitely a hot mum. Yeah, whenever we go out for a drink, especially on the Viaduct, she just gets flooded with 20-year-old dudes. Oh, my God, seriously?

Yeah. How old is mum? Because if you're out drinking, you're at least 18, get flooded with 20-year-old dudes. Oh my god, seriously? Like, how old is mum? Because if you're out drinking, you're at least 18, so mum presumably... Yeah, I think she's like 54. Wow. And how does she... Standing O! Standing O! Standing O! What does mum say to these 20-year-old

dudes? She just loves it. She just, I don't know, laps it up. But honestly, she reckons that ever since she turned 50, she's realised that a lot of 20-year-olds really like 50-year-old women.

That's the confidence. From a historic point of view, when I was a 20-year-old boy, because you are still a boy at 20. You're not yet a man. You might think you're a man. You might be yet a man. You're not yet a man. You might think you're a man. You might be man-sized. You're not a man yet. Experience, confidence.

Yeah. She's hit her 50s and she's just like, blow it. And she's not worried about all the silly stuff the girls your age are worried about. You're just like, what's happening to me? That or their mums walked out on them when they were little boys and they've got huge mummy issues. Yeah. Has she ever taken one of these boys home?

Oh, no, no, no. Right. No, she just loves the attention. Not to your knowledge, Anonymous. Yeah, no, she does love it. Not to your knowledge, Anonymous. Hey, congrats to your hot mum. There are nights at the Viaduct where you're not there.

Chances are Anonymous is also hot. Hot is inherited. Yeah. What about when two hot people have a minger? Science and anomaly can't explain it. Jess, good morning. Good morning. You have a hot dad.

I apparently have a hot dad. I love that you caught yourself. How do you know that your dad's hot? Because all my friends tell me. Yeah. Describe dad. Let's get a visual. Right from college up until I'm 36 now wow so he was

never he was never dorky dad no no he was funny he's very funny um weird talking about this i was gonna say you sound a little breathless but no you're front sort of like you're like exasperated my friends aren't like how are you they're They're like, how's your, and how's your dad? Oh my God. Still hot. Did they say, how's your dad? Still hot? Because that's what you always say to him. Yeah.

The weird thing is, is like, me and dad will go out for like dinner or something. And the looks we get, I'm just like, oh my gosh. And I was at a restaurant once and I said, you know, the guy's like, want a drink? I'm like, dad, can I get a cocktail? You know, just, you know, can I spend up? And they looked at me like, it was like, Daddy, can I have a cocktail? Oh, Daddy. Oh, my God.

You're like, no, actually. Father. Father may I. My dad. Actually, my dad. Wow. Brilliant. That's great.

Jess, thank you. Tabby, good morning. Hello. Hi. You have both a hot mum and dad. Yep. Yep. You know what?

Genetics did not play out for me. Oh, do you sound hot? I don't look like either of them. But would you say you're a certified minger or are you doing all right? No, no. Look, it's quite funny because I'm eldest of seven and only me and my twin look

the same. That's what happens when two hot people get together and they can't get their hands off each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the thing. Mum's still looking hot after seven kids. Yeah, yep. She's phenomenal. But when I was turning 18, we had a big party

and this is just mum being hot and not realising it, but had a whole lot of teenage boys around. We were all celebrating and a couple of kids got a bit too drunk. Yeah. So ate the night. And in the middle of the night, my mum woke up to a half-naked teenage boy crawling into her bed.

Oh, dude. She's trying. Where's dad? Wait, where's dad? Dad wasn't there that night. Like, he was overseas. And so someone was taking initiative. He rolled initiative.

Nat 20 is the first to go. This is, wait a minute. And then my mum pushed him out of the room, shut the door. Kind of like, oh, my God. Embarrassing. And then the next morning we were all waking everyone up, you know, trying to get them all out. And my friend who had been quite so audacious, he was lying in one of the bunk beds clutching my mum's bra.

Oh my God. Please tell me you have never let him live that down. No, no. And the worst thing is that at the end of year's prize giving, we bumped into one of my other friends who'd been at the party and with my parents and stuff. And my dad was there and he said, oh, Heather, you know, like, how's it going with naughty friends? Yeah. And my dad was like,

what the fuck? Oh, no. Oh, wow. He took a little trinket. Yeah. Sounds like he should be on some kind of register. Yeah, they were brought to be a big pest.

Tabby, thank you. Some messages in. My friend Annabelle Bramwell, please say her name. Permission granted. Permission granted. Has the hottest silver fox dad of all time. We've been friends for 20 years. And honestly, since day one, Greg has never failed to impress.

Greg Bramwell. Give that a little Google, see what's happening. I have hot parents. My parents are only 20 years older than me So people think we're siblings But we're not I'm their daughter And my guy mates drawl over my parents They are hot, no bias

As an independent review They have met the standards of being incredibly hot They've been international And been verified independently Some are messaged in Remember our first caller saying her mum gets flooded with 20 euros have been incredibly hard. They've been international and been verified independently. Someone messaged in, remember our first caller saying her mum gets flooded with 20-year-olds

when they go down the viaduct saying they believe there may have been one of their 20-year-olds that threw themselves helplessly at her feet. Okay. They said there was a night

where there was a girl out with her mum and her mum was smoking and everyone was falling at mum's feet. Oh, wow. So they may have witnessed that in person.

Apparently I have a hot dad. My friends call him Daddy. Oh, yum. How's Daddy doing? Is Daddy coming out with us? I'm 36, he's 56. It's terrible. So there's a woman in their 30s

still falling at the feet of a 56-year-old. Daddy! I sort of get it. I sort of get it. I've got a hot mum. In the space of a month, she was mistaken for my sister three times. Oh, gosh.

Yeah, my dad is mistaken for her father while guys hit on her right in front of him. Jeepers. Someone else has mentioned apparently Greg Brown, well-certified babe from multiple reports. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day It's public transport

Interesting public transport week here Fact of the day Are you going to do any funiculars or cable cars? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, funiculi. Yes, yes, yes. Funiculars. Yesterday, perhaps coincidentally,

I finally watched the Brad Pitt movie Bullet Train, released in 2022, one of the first movies to go back into production after COVID. Is that good? Dude, it ruled. Did you like it? Loved it. Okay.

I'm a big fan. Yeah. Lately, I've really appreciated a good stunt film. You know, we went and watched The Fall Guy. Oh, that's such a great movie. Go see that. Yeah, this is a great film. I very much enjoyed it.

I feel it didn't get its props. Yeah. And it's leaving Amazon Prime soon. Okay. That's the category I'm standing under. Leaving soon. All right. And that was about the bullet train in Japan.

Yeah. That's set on the bullet train in Japan. Yeah. That's set on the bullet train in Japan. So I thought, what about the fastest public transport? It'll be Japan or China, won't it? China. China. Shanghai Maglev is a bullet train, also known as the Shanghai Transrapid.

It tops the list of the fastest public transport in the world. It has an operating speed, a top operating speed of 460 kilometres an hour. Is it faster than a plane? No. So a plane would be the fastest.

Faster than a small plane. Right. So this would be the public transport on the ground because planes you say are public transport right?

I would never think of a plane as being public transport. But it's public. You pay a fortune to get on it. It's not a private jet though is it? But it's privately owned You don't have to snap her on. You pay a fortune to get on it. It's not a private jet though, is it? But it's privately owned.

Are we not including our private jets? No. Oh, okay. Sorry, I'm with you now. You're a public transport. What about my public jet? You just let people go on. You charge so much for it.

Yeah. Well, Taylor Swift's business model worked a treat. Vaughan Star. Vaughan Star. Terrible on-time rating. Yeah, and rude stuff. Yeah, and rude stuff. Yeah, really rude. Really rude.

But that's how we keep people, that's how we keep numbers down. Yeah. It'll cost me a fortune otherwise. Yeah. The average speed of the Shanghai Transrapid is 251 kilometres an hour. I feel like something like that in New Zealand wouldn't work because a cow would just wander onto the tracks. It would be disintegrated.

It would have to be raised tracks. Well, some farmer's yoke conks out on the crossing. Oh, you're terrible. No, well, that's where you'd have to do them raised. Yeah. So the fastest it's ever been, when they were like, let's see what this baby can do, 501 kilometres an hour. Oh, wow.

I don't even know what that is. Do you know what I mean? I don't even know what that looks like. When you're on a flight and you see that you're going like 500 or 600 kilometres an hour. I know, but it feels like you're going. Yeah. But then have you ever seen another plane pass under you? Yeah.

That shows you how fast you're going. Yeah. When you see that happen. I like them when one plane goes the other way, but it's real close. Yeah. And they have to go. I don't like that. Pull up.

I don't like that. That's fun. Adds a little bit of a thrill to an international flight. And they have to go, I don't like that. Pull up. I don't like that. Fun. Adds a little bit of a thrill to an international flight. So it uses electromagnetic force to levitate above the track, reducing friction. Is that like a theme park ride? That's electromagnetic. A lot of roller coasters and stuff.

And it's smooth and it's quieter because it's not like rattling along. Yeah. Like ordinary trains. Right. So, yeah, that's today's fact of the day about public transport. The world's fastest public transport is a train in China that's top speed ever recorded was 500 kilometres an hour.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Clay ZD. Yesterday at the gym, I was grabbing my bag after my class, and the guy next to me was putting his shoes on. And I don't know this man. I don't know. So far, I'm saying it's not worthy for a radio story. Then I hear this man say, oh, I just found an ear tag in my shoe. And I'm like, what is an ear tag? I know what an ear tag is, but there might be people listening who don't know what an AirTag is. I want everybody to be included.

It's been the layman. Oh, Vaughan, an AirTag is a thing that- An Apple tracking device. An Apple tracking device, yeah. What? Like a tile. Usually used to track items. I've got a bunch of them.

I've got some on my key ring. Yeah. And it's great if I lose my keys because I can set it off and it goes beep, beep, beep, beep. Yeah, I know. I need some. My friend James has one in his car, which is annoying when I borrow his car because it beeps and tells me I'm being tracked. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's a good feature.

So I say to this guy, I say, in your shoe. He's like, yeah, underneath the insole. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So how did he feel when he was taking his shoe off? He was putting his shoe on. So he must taking his shoe off he was putting his shoe on so he must have found it when he was putting it on and then i was like someone's tracking him i was like are you being tracked i don't know this guy and i say to him has your phone like alerted you that there's

been an air tag near you yeah he's like no because i've got an android how embarrassing um oh my god i mean grab me tracked like the rest of us. Did you, okay, wait, did you ask, does he have a partner? So I said to him, I said, who would be tracking you? He said, well, I don't think my wife's psycho. Oh, my God. She's obviously so good at being psycho. Or he said, I don't even know if she has ear tags.

He said, I don't know if this has just fallen in here. And then he's like,en in? Under the soul. Unlikely champ. Why all day? What does he do for a living? I don't know this guy. He was just next to me at the gym and I was, because I was like so intrigued once he kind of said out loud, I've just found

an ear tag. Someone's put that there. I saw a woman on Instagram Reels, which is a refined TikTok for those that don't know. For the older generation. All the good TikToks make it through to Instagram Reels. A little after, but sometimes it's worth it because you don't get all the trash.

It's cured a bit. Yeah, it's nice. It's vintage. Okay, auntie. We like vintage Reels. We like vintage Reels. Well-aged, beautiful, French vintage Reels. Yeah, we air-rate, but it's good. A woman was like, girls, always nice to know your man's where he says he is. And she's like picked open the tongue of a shoe

and she's popped a tracker in and she's sewing it back up. Oh my God. Obviously had gone back and edited the caption and being like, obviously this was like a joke. Oh, right. It was until you got called out. Because the comments were like... Obviously he had gone back and edited the caption and been like, obviously this was like a joke. Oh, right. It was until he got called out. Because the comments were like... That is such an invasion of privacy.

Like, I can't say who put this in this man's shoe. No, of course not. He had no idea. He doesn't even know. I mean, it could be someone else trying to track him. Anyone could have been trying to track him. Pretty fun game to play if you work in a shoe store. Just wonder where these shoes are going to live.

Yeah. Track her in. Oh, yeah. Only cost you, what, $100? Oh, no. How much? $45? Can you put a price on love?

Can you put a price on knowing where the future Mrs. Smith lives? Yeah, it's giving real baby reindeer vibes, you know? It is. It is. This is so juicy. I know. And I was like, and now I don't even know this guy. I don't even think I've ever seen him at the gym before. I'm like, I want to know, like is so juicy. I know. And I was like, and now I don't even know this guy. I don't even think I've ever seen him at the gym before.

I'm like, I want to know, like, what happens. Well, next time you see him, you simply must say, hey, man. I can't even remember what he looks like. What's the... Yeah. Well, lucky I put a tracker in his other shoe, so we'll be able to find out when he's going back. Yeah, great.

We'll be able to follow him. What would you do, though, if you found out... My first thing, I'd go home and I'd be like, did you put a tracking device in my shoe? I'd say that to my spouse. Yeah. If they denied it, I'd be like, just show me your phone. Like spouses are on, you've got fine friends, right?

Or friends 360 or whatever. Yeah. But if she's on Apple and he's on Samsung and he's like, I can't be bothered with that or whatever. Or she didn't want him to know. Yeah. Because me and Aaron don't follow each other on Fine by. Was it an Under Armour shoe?

Do they do shoes with trackers? No, because it was like an ear tag that was put in. It wasn't like... Kathy, are you a psycho or do you know about shoes? No, no. I got some new shoes from Under Armour and it said in it that it had a Bluetooth tracker. So there's a tracker in the shoe. So if I leave my phone at home and I go for in it that it had a Bluetooth tracker. So there's a tracker

in the shoe. So if I leave my phone at home and I go for a run, it's tracked my run. Yeah, but is it an actual air tag? Because this was like

an Apple air tag. No, it's not. You take the thing out and you charge it and you put it in your shoe and it'll tell you how many steps you've done and all that jazz.

Your cadence. Well, it must be like that. It must be. But yeah, so I leave my phone at home and it just shows where I've been. Well, it must be like that. It must be. But yeah, so I leave my phone at home and it just shows where I've been. Right, okay. Do you have a spouse or a partner?

I do. Do they track you with them? Yeah. I don't know, maybe. Are you ever running and all of a sudden there's a car, like three cars behind you and you turn and look and it like slows down? It pulls in.

I'll have to remember to not get those shoes out. Yeah, exactly. You don't wear the running shoes to town. Because I feel that the underarm would be a special tracker that was designed.

Whereas yours was an Apple AirTag. This was an Apple AirTag in this guy's shoe. Someone's put that. Would you track a partner? Would you pop a, they were acting a bit shady.

He's boring. You sound like me when people go like, do you have Aaron on fire, my friends? I'm like, no, where's he going to go? And if he's cheating on me, I feel proud of him. If he's not at my attention, he's at home. Yeah, I know. Or he's at the pub with you.

With me, yeah. Thank you, Cathy. Yeah, wow. Wowzers. I know, what a story. I hope we get a part two. If you see him again, be like, did you get to the bottom of it?

Someone thinks he was hitting on you. Someone on the text machine thinks he was hitting on you. No, no, it wasn't at all like that. He was like, oh, no, look what's happened. So you'd be like, oh, no. And then he'd be like, an intro. Did you read that vibe? Nah.

I mean, he did drop in his girl, his wife. He was so shocked. Like, imagine how you would feel. Guys with wives never try to hook up with chicks. No, no. Other dudes, I mean, that's definitely never happened. No, they never do that. Why would...

You're with a woman, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would genuinely... I'd be so shocked. I'd be a bit spooked. Yeah, you'd be so spooked. I'd be very spooked. Especially if you don't know who's put it there.

Well, yeah. Check your shoes. Yeah. Check your shoes. Check your shoes. PSA, guys, you've got to check your shoes. Play. ZM's. Check your shoes. And rich PSA guys, you've got to check your shoes. Play.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. This, I like this, I like this a lot. As someone who loves to socialise, loves to go out, loves to spend money with your friends on cocktails, I think this would be a great idea for,

let's say, the gaggle. Yeah, okay. We'd have a good fund. So what you do is if you've got your group of friends, you decide an amount, say it's $10 a week, and you each transfer that into a joint account. Now you'd have to put someone responsible.

It sounds like a social club. It kind of is. It kind of is, yeah. In a way. So you put in $10 and then you know that you're next. Because we always say you've got to have something in the cal. You've got to have something in the calendar to look forward to, a big social thing. And you go like, that's when we're going to spend it.

And then you get there and you feel like you're not paying for anything. And you've got this money and you can spend it on dinner or drinks or activities. Because you have already put the money in. You've already put the money in. And it feels way better as someone who went out last week and spent too much money buying shots. Shots, shots, shots, shots.

I saw you with the tray shots on your Instagram story. I was like, oh, God. Three words. Hailey. Corey Gonzalez McHugh. Anyway, yeah, it's like you would go out and you'd be like, oh, my God, let's use the friend card. So you'd do a brunch or something,

or you could use it to go on holiday if you do it for a while. If you went on holiday, that'd be a great idea. Be like, we're all going away for a... Get an Airbnb with the fund. We can get an Airbnb. So you'd have to have like, you'd have to agree on it and be like, right. But who are we trusting with the account? Me.

Because you've got people like Shannon who would always put the, she'd be who are we trusting with the account? Me. Because you've got people like Shannon who would always put the, she'd be paying for her rent with the money. And she'd be like, I'll top it back up when I get paid. You'd be like, I'll pay it back on payday. Yeah, got a few paydays up my sleeve. It'll be back, you'll never notice.

Yeah. Yeah. Carla would do all right with the money, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah, she'd do all right. I feel too guilty to spend it. Yeah, I think Vaughn Yeah, she'd do all right. I feel too guilty to spend it. Yeah, I think, Vaughn, you wouldn't be the right person

because we'd have to convince you on what we wanted to spend it on. Exactly. I'd stonewall some socialising. Yeah, you would. We're out. Why the nest egg? It was my money.

I put it in. We're investing in something sensible. You'd never let us spend it. We may have to pay Vaughn out and eject him from the club. Yeah, but I want interest. What, our measly on-call savings interest

of 3% or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good stuff. I think this is a great idea. If you've got a group of friends, you always go out together. It doesn't have to be that much. Even $5 a week

or a couple of bucks a week. It is just a social club, isn't it, when you think about it? It's just a friend social club. With people you actually want to socialise with. There you go. The actual friends. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners,

you've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work.