ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 30th June 2023

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

Hungry on a night out  Top 6: Emergency Numbers  Silly Little Poll!  Final Rankings: Batteries  Morgan Penn!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Download the MyMaccas app and earn rewards on your coffee. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Coming up on the show, guys, it's a big day today. Huge day. Huge day because the emergency phone number was invented today. Yeah, today in 1937, the first ever emergency phone number.

Happy birthday to you. You started that in a mail register. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear 999. 911? 911. 911? 911.

Are you just saying no to us in German? Nein, nein, nein. 9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9- Just trash. Just made up fiction. The top six interesting emergency phone numbers around the world. Okay, coming up on the show. Also, a supermarket has what they are saying is a world first. Yeah, it is. A world first. This is an aisle for a particular thing. Yes, it is. And I've got one and I could use this aisle.

It's coming up on the show. But next. Why you get hungry when you're out on the boozer? Scientists have said it's not just you're not just awake longer, so it's 2 o'clock and you're not usually awake at 2 o'clock, so you need some nug-nugs. Yeah. There's actually science behind why you're hungry when you're drinking.

It's next. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. This is terrible news. Oh, mate, I'm so sorry. I've got bad, terrible news. I'm so sorry. I've got bad, bad news. Okay, go. It's that if you are drinking, you're going to be more hungry.

Okay. Yeah. Like, we all know about it. There's no damn thing you can do about it. Yeah, this is why we have to stop on the way home in the Uber and get some nugs. This is why I once ate a curry with my hands in the passenger seat of my car that my friend was driving and I ate the curry with my hands and I spilt so much the next

day my mum sat in it with white pants. And you ruined her white pants? Ruined the white pants. Okay, you are absolutely a hot mess. I said hot. Thank you. I was about to object, but I'll take it. I'll take it. Well, Dr. Carl, he's a doctor.

You can't just say that. A famous Australian Dr. Carl. Yeah, he's on social media and stuff. He's like 74 years old now, which blew my mind. Really? Yeah. So he said it's no surprise that a little bit of drink will increase your appetite.

Literally, the word appetif, the drink you have, it comes from the Latin to open the stomach. That's aperol. It's an appetif. An aperol. An appetif. A little pre-dinner cocktail. Yeah.

Opens it up, gets the stomach ready for some food. Yeah, baby. So he said when you are drinking, that's what happens. Booze stimulates the AGRP, the agouti-related peptide neurons in the brain that deal with hunger and then make you feel hungry. So the way to not, like, get home and demolish, like, three bags of hokka changi chips and wake up in the morning and your mouth is like the Sahara because you went salt, vinegar, salt, vinegar, salt, vinegar. Yeah. Is to not drink as much or not drink at all.

And that's a dumb idea. I need another workaround because that part's not going to work for me. What? But if they know that it activates these peptides, why can't we have a little something? But I don't mind an overeat if I've had an overdrink because then it stops you having a massive hangover. Yeah, same. If I've got a hangover

and I've had a little bit too much the night before, the next day, rules are out the window. I just eat what I feel like and what I want and how much of it I want. Yeah, and your body's like, a bit more of that. Less of that. More of this. That wasn't it. Go get some of that.

The trouble is it's always bad food. Not always because I'll always start the day with something terrible and then by the end of the day I'm craving a leaf. A leaf. You just have a leaf. A leaf. Just a cabbage. A cabbage, yeah.

Just a cause and some spinach or something. Maybe some bok choy. Yeah. Any leaf will do. You're not a bok choy. Yeah, any leaf will do. You're not a bok choy. It's just stringy. It is stringy. I'm trying so hard to like it.

It's like you've got to cut it sideways so it doesn't go super stringy. Yeah, right. And then it's like short. Yeah, then it turns to nothing. It's like celery. It's very fibrous. And I know that's good for you, but sometimes you're like, I've swallowed it and it's still in my mouth.

It's like flapping around in the esophagus. Don't make that noise again, I hate it. What are you doing? I hate it. It sounds like we're at SeaWorld. I'm trying to dislodge the salary. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Oh my God.

Guys, now I'm a big advocate for the air fryer. I was for a while, but I've simmered on it a bit. Oh, but see, this is my, because you know, at the moment I'm looking at air fryers. He's perusing the idea. Because I really want one and I've wanted one forever, but it's quite daunting. There's so many.

Have you got, and this is my other worry, is it just becomes another giant kitchen appliance that takes up too much space. Yeah, it's huge. I had to put a special shelf in the pantry for that and the soda stream and pressure cooker. The big and tall

appliances. But God, people love them. I want one so bad. Yeah, they're really good. Well, in the UK, there's now a supermarket that has the world, has the world, and I'm hungry. She's having a stroke. I'm hungry is what I am. And now we're talking about air frying food.

It has the world's first air fryer aisle. So that everything in this, it's like a freezer aisle. Oh my God. Everything in it is meant to be in the air fryer. Oh, that's cool. So is it all just like pre-frozen like chips and pies and chicken and stuff? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Okay. So this is, there's a few supermarkets that are actually doing it. Is it all the right size to go in the air fryer? Yeah, exactly. Do you have in your, because this is the other thing, when you're looking to buy an air fryer, there's big ones, there's XXLs, there's Xs, there's large, there's... Mine's like, you can't get it bigger.

Where am I going to put it? Well, a lot of them now have two drawers as well. No, my single drawer. I'm so povo. But should you get two drawers? Because is two drawers big enough for the whole? It'll just be two small drawers. Otherwise your thing's going to be huge.

Yeah, it's so overwhelming. You don't have a massive kitchen. Where's this going? Why, no. It could become your kitchen. It could become my kitchen, though. You know there's one in our kitchen at work, eh? Yeah.

You should trial some things. So in this aisle, they've got a whole chicken. Now, I've been told don't cook that in the air fryer. It's not good. It just is the oven, right? Yeah. Mini sausage rolls, yes. Fish fingers, yes.

Fish fillets, yes. Chips. It sounds like everything that could be deep fried or shallow fried. That's the air fryer. It just sounds like everything in the frozen aisle. Yeah. Chicken fillets. They already had this.

It was called that freezer in the supermarket. No, it's called the air fryer freezer aisle. Oh, my God. Stone pizzas. That's one of the best things to do is, you know, if you order a pizza and somehow, I don't know what's gone wrong, but there's a couple of slices left. Yeah. The next day, pop in the air fryer. Oh, yum.

Well, that's not a bit of pizza. Yeah, because then it's not like soggy. Yeah, it's not sog. I don't mind it cold either, and I don't mind it sog. I'll have a pizza any which way. But if you do it in the air fryer, it's so good. Pano chocolate. You know those ones that you get like par-baked?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yum. Pano chocolate in the air fryer. Yeah, see, I've got to get one, eh? Get an air fryer. Yeah, you've got to get one. Get one.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley from the bustling ZM think tank. This is the top six. Hello there, today's talk. Hello there. Hello. Hello. Possums. Hi.

Oh, my God. I finally heard a possum screaming the other day. Oh, yeah? What do you think? Terrifying. Awful. It sounded like trees were scraping up the day. Oh, yeah? What do you think? Terrifying. Awful. It sounded like trees were scraping up the windows, and I was like, what is that?

That's possums. Yeah. I was like, oh. That's demonic. Horrible, horrible possums. Back to you, sir. Thank you, ma'am. Ma'am?

That's a bit formal, isn't it? She's 33. She's not a ma'am. Thank you, m'lady. Thank you, not a man. Thank you, m'lady. Thank you, mum. Thank you, mum. Hon. Mama.

Mama. Mama. Thank you, mama. Thank you, mama. Thank you, mama. Today in 1937, the world's first emergency telephone number 999 was introduced in London. Okay. I wonder where they went for 9.

111 makes so much sense. Was 9 when they had the rotary phones, was that less? The longest. Was that the longest? The longest. No, no, 1 was the longest. 9 was... Right.

So when we did it in New Zealand, when there were rotary phones, we went to go the longest. No, it wasn't backwards. Should it go, hang on, rotary phone. Yeah, because the silver till was down the end. So nine was like, brr-tka, brr-tka, brr-tka. Whereas one was like, brr-tka, brr-tka, brr-tka, brr-tka. Yeah, one was the furthest.

There were like 20-somethings listening just being like, what the f... Are the old people talking about it? Is that a Samsung or like a... You know, kids, their phone used to not be push buttons. What the f... Oh, would you go anti... Are the old people talking about it? Is that a Samsung? Or like a... You know, kids, their phone used to not be push buttons. It used to be an ultra dial, you see?

One would be the closest on this phone. No. That I'm looking at, because it stops there. Maybe in New Zealand we had it different. Clockwise. Maybe that's why we had backwards ones. Because it's anticlockwise.

Because the water goes... Yeah. It goes around the toilet. Yeah. Well, I thought I might give you today's top six interesting facts about emergency phone numbers from around the world. Oh, Vaughan. Cool. Number one.

Well, no, actually, this is bonus. This is a bonus. Oh, okay. This is a bonus. He's researched. Do you know in New Zealand you can text 111? Can you? Please don't do that, though.

No, don't. I thought there was a different number. You can text 111. Can you? I guess you can. Please don't do that, though. No, don't. I thought there was a different number. You can text 111. For an emergency. If you don't receive, you could say, I am here and here. Like, if you can't make a phone call, if you're, like, trying to do it. Yeah, help. This is my address.

So try it. It says here you must text from a phone number you registered on the police website. Otherwise, your text won't go through. Okay, so if you're going undercover, you need to register your phone number and then you can text 111. Yeah, if you're using a phone belonging to someone who hasn't registered, the text won't go through either.

So I guess you'd register if you were maybe in like a vulnerable situation. Yes. And then you could be in the toilet and just send a text. Yes. But you've got to register. I didn't even know about that.

Yeah, I know. That's so fascinating. There you go. So you register your number if you feel like you're going to be in that situation. You can text them. All right, here are the six interesting facts about the emergency numbers around the world. Got it. Number six on the list is if you're in Chad and you want to call the ambulance,

the number is the very simple and easy to remember 2251-4242. Or if that's engaged, you can try 22511237. What is that? Does it spell something? I don't think so. Wait, so you're bleeding out because you've accidentally cut your arm with the chainsaw. 225.

I know it starts 225. 22514242. Oh. Ridiculous. Right. And that's their emergency number. That's their 111. Yeah, that's their ambulance 111.

Oh, my God. The ambulance-specific emergency number. Chad, get it together. Let's get it sorted. Come on, Chad. Number five on the list of interesting facts about emergency numbers from around the world. In Oman. Oh, you've been to Oman, haven't you?

Yeah, I lived there for three months. Do you remember the emergency number? No, I never got in trouble. Nine, nine, nine, nine. Or four nines. It's four nines. Nine, nine, nine, nine. Did they want to be one better than America? Than nines. It's four nines. 9999. Did they want to be one better than America?

Than the British. It's always three. The British is 999. America's 911. That's right. Yeah. So they went 999-9. Feels unnatural.

Everything's in threes. Yeah, groups of threes, right? It's like if you were to say well, well, well, you add another one. Well, well, well, well. Well, well, well, well. Yeah, but still a little bit shorter than 251-4242 if you're bleeding out in Chad. Number four on the list of the interesting facts about emergency numbers from around the world,

the Cook Islands, our friends, very close friends. I actually hold a lot of money there in the Cook Islands. For tax reasons? Yeah, for tax reasons. Oh, do you? Well, if you're ever over there dodging tax and you need to call the police, on yourself maybe even, 999.

But what if you need to call the ambulance? 998. What if you want to call the fire brigade? 996. No, you just need one. That sounds like somebody didn't want to pay for a call centre. And it just goes to the one fire station or the one ambulance on the island. Also, I'm wondering, it goes 999, 998, 996.

What happened to 997? What happens on the couple of islands if you don't 997? What? My house is burning down. Yep. 999. Fire. Oh, no, police.

Oh, my God. 996. And then the police will hang up and be like, I'm sorry, sir. Call nine, nine, seven. Yeah. Yeah. Nine, nine, seven. What is nine, nine, seven?

It doesn't say. Okay. I don't know. Sometimes they just skip, don't they? It's like our neighbours. Our house and then our neighbours, we've got a number missing between us. Oh, I hate that. Where is number?

Oh, it's on the other side of the road. No. Oh. It doesn't exist? Never has. So bizarre. Weird. It's not like an unlucky number, like how they, you know, some planes leave row 13 off

or hotels. They won't put that in there. No, it's evaporated into the abyss. I can't find why. Well, just let it go, Hans. It doesn't matter. I just need to go. Now I need to go to the Cook Highlands

just to pick up the phone and dial 997. Okay. I'll come help you. Show trip, show investigation. Sounds good. Number three on the list of the top six interesting facts about the emergency numbers around the world.

Australia's is O-O-O. Is it? That sounds like you're laughing before you dial. O-O-O. How many times have we been to Australia? Have you ever known that? No, I don't think I've done it. Triple zero?

I don't know. O? O-O-O. O-O-O. Zero, zero, zero. Oh, crap. Call O-O-O. Oh, shit. Shut the line.

Call naught, naught, naught. Naught? I've never known that. O-O-O. I would have just dialed 111, assuming we're the same. Yeah, same. Basically the same. Number two on the list of the top six interesting facts

about emergency numbers around the world. This on their anniversary in 1937 in London, 999 was the world's first. 112 is the most popular emergency number around the world. Really? Is that? Because the EU said, if you're going to be, you know how the EU is like fall into line?

Yeah, the EU doesn't mess around. Everybody's got to have a USB-C. So they said, if you're going to be a member of the EU, you've got to have 112, as well as the fact that the countries in the EU who had gone out and colonised other countries around the world, when this came in and they were still in power, put 112 as the most popular as the emergency number, because that's what they had back home. Right.

So people that were going from the motherland to one of the colonies wouldn't be confused about what number to dial. So 112 is the world's most popular emergency number. Because that's in all of Europe. Yeah, pretty much. And number one on the list of the most interesting facts about emergency phone numbers on this their anniversary is in Switzerland, if you dial 1415,

you get a very specific type of emergency, glacial rescue. Oh, my. Must be nice. Heart, mate, from the glacier, darling. But you can't call 112. Well, you can, but they'll put you through to glacial rescue. 112 is, again, the hub. But if you are having a glacial emergency, you dial 1415.

And if you're having a Toblerone emergency. Where the triangle gets stuck in your mouth and you swallow it. You dial 1. V, V, V, V. Yeah, you just hit the triangle button a whole lot of times in the fact that you're choking on a piece of Toblerone. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM. You're choking on a piece of Toblerone. That is today's top six. It's clear there's tension between the three of us.

I mean, that's a well-known fact. But now, now there's beef in the producer's booth. Oh, no. Between Jarid and Chanelette Pyjamas. Yeah, it's been an awkward morning. We can't have this. We want a harmonious work environment. Now, this is why producer Karween is sitting between the two of you

in case any physical beef comes of this. We're going to hear it first from Chanelette Pyjamas. Yep. Let the woman speak. Yep. Ladies first. Yeah, and Jared, I'm going to ask you to remain quiet and hold your arguments for your turn. Of course. Okay, thank Jared, I'm going to ask you to remain quiet and hold your arguments for your turn.

Of course. Okay, thank you, sir. Thank you. Chanelette Pyjamas, tell us what's going on in the booth. Well, Jared and I are both avid energy drinkers. We're well aware of the health concerns. Please stop sending in your text messages. I feel like that was to Vaughan.

That was like, don't start. So I'm a V girl through and through, green only. It is my favourite drink. My dad had a V girl through and through, green only. It is my favourite drink. My dad had a V themed 60th. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. It's ride or die. It's in your blood.

It's in my blood. So I'll go to the vending machine, get a V in the morning. It's a very important part of my day. Because that's the thing, if you're pregnant and you're drinking or eating certain foods, the children end up like, they like that food. They've got it. They're hooked to it. They're hooked, right?

Is that a thing? Did Daddy drink a lot of V before you were careful? Conceived. Probably. He has two a day, every day. Okay. Wowee, wowza, wowza, wowza. Do you go sugar-free at least?

No. Sometimes I'll kid myself and do it for a week, but then it's just back to full green. Okay. So you're a V green? V green. Went to the vending machine this morning. What a sight to see. There's three rows of green Vs now and one row of Red Bull.

Okay, I think we'll take this opportunity now to jump to the other party. As you've introduced the idea of a Red Bull, which we know, Producer Jared, is your drink of choice. A delicious beverage. So you can imagine my disgust, dismay, disbelief even this morning when instead of the usual two lanes of Ready B's... This is in the vending machine. Yep. Now there's one.

And there's only two Red Bulls in there this morning. That is not enough Red Bulls to fill this entire building. We're just going to ask Taiho. You've had too much guarana. Now, you're in the minority now. You're down to one lane in the vending machine. And as a white male,

I don't like it. No, it's not nice, is it? It doesn't feel good. No. And so you think the rise of, and the arrival, in fact, of Chanelette Pyjamas

and then her consuming of the V has created more demand and therefore removed your Red Bulls from this vending machine. Yeah, it's just another day keeping the man down. Wow. Do you think that you should both be buying in bulk at a supermarket and making it cheaper rather than every day buying one from the vending machine? Yeah, look, that requires a bit of forethought and an extra 30 seconds going to the fridge

in the morning. I have a bulk at home. I have my home V. The home V, oh my god. But I like, yeah, it's a very cold vending machine and I like the routine of going there and like, you guys all will have like a coffee in the morning. I would

like my routine. So, you know, I'll go. And also, I would like to say I'm not the only v drinker around here i will throw to ross okay you're getting very well everybody she's had too much that everybody on the sugars that what is guarana and taurine that taurine up yeah they're gonna charge i can see your pupils from here yeah both of you you know you've got the likes of ross boss i know there's a few other people in the office it's's not just me. Who else drinks? Everybody that's a picture of health around here.

Please don't address the defendant directly. Everybody that I would do for medical advice. I'm cranking these energy drinks. God. Well, I hope we can come to a peaceful resolution.

We don't like beef. Did you know V was invented in meth? What's that? That's why there's meth in it. Meth in dirt? With the shower heads. V is energy. Yes, it used to come out of the shower heads. Oh my God. That's why there's Methvin in it. Methvin dirt with the shower heads. Yes, it used to

come out of the shower heads. Oh my god. That's how they used to clean the shower heads before they sold them. It was launched in Methvin, New Zealand in August 1997 and Australia in 1999. Wow. That's crazy, right? That's when I was born. Facts of the day. Day.

Day. Day. J, J, J, J. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Today's Silly Little Poll. Do you prefer to attend or host dinner parties? Oh, God, I'm just happy to be at one. I like doing both. Yeah, I do too. I mean, I guess there's less admin when you just turn up.

But then I love hosting. With your shit garlic bread. Excuse me. Mama Fiorelli's is a quality G-bread. It's superior. It's not. It's trash G-bread. It's superior.

It's not trying too hard. It's not doing too much. It's just delighting you and then not asking for anything else. It's delicious. Yeah. Although margarine is the devil. But they make it not taste like the devil. How do they make their margarine taste so buttery? The devil

is the devil despite the taste. Yeah. Margarine's naughty, but that's the only downside to that. Positive to hosting, you can get booze and not have to worry about driving home. Yes. Yes, you are home. Yeah, you are home. Negative to hosting, you want people to leave

and they haven't left yet. The classic Vaughan brings out the big black rubbish sack. He's like, trying to change all the bottles. Trying to start packing up little takeaways for everyone. Well, that's it. Sade said, you weren't there, but when Aaron and our friends, Jack and Cassie, came over a few weeks ago, I just started packing up. And Sade's like, this doesn't mean you have to leave.

This doesn't mean you have to leave. No, I was going to say, because you and your wife are counter, you run counterproductive. Because Sade is out in the garage getting more bottles of wine saying, don't tell Vaughan we're going to get more drinks. What about the last time that Sade was trying to invite me over and you were

saying with your eyes to literally everyone at the table, not tonight. Don't come. Don't come to our house. Sade was texting like, come over. No, it's bad. Yeah, it's always mixed signals at Vaughan's house when you go around. It's good that you're clear.

I'm clear. And she admitted to the people that were there the other day, she said, I've just got used to it, this is what he does, but it's great because at the end of the night I don't have to tidy up because he's done it all the time. And then also when you wake up dusty, the place is clean. I don't know how people go to bed and just be like, we'll sort this in the morning.

Mostly because we've got cats and dogs that will just like eat tin foil if it smells like anything. So I like to just tidy it up, get it all done. Get a load in the dishwasher and hand wash some of the dishes. But would you rather what would you rather, host or go to people's houses? I think I'd slightly

lean to going because the people that I would eat with the most are better cooks than me. Yeah, I'd lean towards hosting, I think, just because I'm already high. And you like to cook the meat. Yeah. Yeah, you love to be on the barbecue. And if we're at our house, that means we're definitely getting Sade's Josh Emmett scalloped taters.

Oh, yum. Oh, my God, they're so good. Josh Emmett scalloped taters. Yeah. Shout out to Josh Emmett and the scalloped potatoes. He knows a scalloped potato. Shout out. You know that Gwyneth Paltrow likes the scalloped potatoes.

She posted about it, didn't she? And she sent me a vagina with them. She doesn't eat them. It's high. I was going to say it's high praise from her because she does IV bags most days. She doesn't eat scalloped potatoes. No, she doesn't eat scalloped potatoes, but she does like Josh's recipes. So dinner parties, we asked you.

Host, 35%. Attend, 65%. The other thing about attending, you can't take your drinks with you at the end of the night, can you? You kind of got to leave them behind. You have to leave them behind. If you pick up like the three or four beers you've got left. It's so sad.

Oh, yeah. I've got a friend, I won't say who. I think you should. But they will quite often follow up leftover booze that's been left. No, James doesn't care. What, I mean, I think I left booze at your house. Yeah, just be like, I think there's a couple of cans of that or a bottle of that. Oh, a couple of cans?

That's embarrassing. And so I'm always like, leave those because they know they're there. When we had a cocktail night not too long ago, I bought a whole bunch of liquor. And you just leave it when you leave. You're like, it belongs to the party now. Yeah. Also, there's never much left.

Yeah, I was going to say, you put that aside for next time. Yeah. Liquor's different. Because I'm picking up a fresh bottle of Jameson's to take to a dinner. I'm not leaving that there. Jameson's? Yeah. Why are you acting like Jameson's is fancy? No, no,. I'm not leaving that there. Jamesons? Yeah. Why are you acting like Jamesons is fancy?

No, no, no, but I'm just saying, it's my whiskey of choice. If I'm splurging on a bottle of Jamesons to share... I'm not leaving that there. If I'm spending $30 in there... Excuse me, $58.99. Maybe if it was a Lafroig or something you take it with. Oh, yeah, if it's aged.

God, I'm not even bringing it to a dinner party. You can leave your bloody bottle of Jamesons behind, thank you. Maz says, love hosting my mates. Also, kids can not even bringing it to a dinner party. You can leave your bloody bottle of jemisons behind, thank you. Maz says, love hosting my mates. Also, kids can go to bed and we can party on without needing a babysitter or an Uber, win-win.

So she invites them over. Oh, if you're putting the kids to bed at a party, it's gone on too long. I like everyone to be gone before it's like, yeah. I love it when the party carries on and the kids

are asleep. When you were a kid, it was pretty cool going to a dinner party and your parents would be like, you just jump into bed. Yeah. Just jump, we just jump into bed. Yeah. Just jump.

We'll wake up when we leave. I prefer to host, says Danielle, because then I can hide in the kitchen cooking and cleaning up. Our kitchen, dining, and area and family room are all open plan so I can see and hear everything, but this introvert can still just exist rather than me sitting and make just small talk. Well, there you go.

Introvert's perspective. Best of both worlds. She doesn't even want them in her house, though. Bronwyn drinks them. I drink the most and go, there you go. Introvert's perspective. Best of both worlds. She doesn't even want them in her house, though. Bronwyn drinks the most, then goes straight to bed, tidy up as I go, so there's never a heap of mess to clean up. Winning. Okay, so she's the first to have it at her house. That's you.

Yeah, that works. When I've had enough of people, I can just leave the dinner party, says Lauren, who obviously voted for attend rather than host, because that's the thing when you've had enough and it's in your house. Yeah, no one's in your house. You've got to call it off. I came to eat the food, not bloody make it, so I will attend, says Jenna. I hope Jenna brings something. You've got to bring something, though.

Even, you know. Pud. Yeah, oh, bring a bit of pud. If you're going to someone's house and they're cooking dinner, I'll always bring pud. Always bring pud. And you've got to keep in your mind if it needs to be cooked, you've got to put it in the oven after they're finished so it'll be ready for plate.

100%. Or a platter at least, a charcuterie. I can't cope with the pressure of hosting. I can't relax. Maximum vino required and then you lose all sense of your cooking times and it's a mess, says Mel. Yeah. Because I get to choose which beers is available

when we drink at home, says Sarah. Yeah. You control the menu and have the shortest trip to your own bed afterwards says Catherine who

prefers to host no I just want to go to a dinner party Ali said you can leave when you want to at somebody else's house you're not having

to wait for everyone else to leave your personal space so there you go it's a little bit of an introvert extrovert thing isn't it it is

when it boils down to it play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley my brothers I have received a message from a listener and I thought I would bring it to my team.

Because it's actually been a while since we've done something like this. Someone's come to us in an agony aunt sort of context. Right. They messaged my Instagram. Straight out the gate. I'm going to say there's quite a lot of compliments at the top of this. I'm happy to skip them or I'm happy to read through them I mean I

I don't mind having a compliment today Vaughn would you like a compliment? no no no sorry sorry I was going to say I don't think there's a for us oh not for us

sorry hon sorry the compliments were strictly Hayley Sproul in that case just skip them are you sure?

we'll just get to the meat stunning a voice for women thank you anything else love the podcast and not our one my one the ones that you guys aren't in Get to the meat. Stunning. A voice for women. Thank you. Anything else? Love the podcast. And not our one.

My one. Oh, right. Was it you guys' own? You know that? Skip those. You sure? Yep. Skip those. How much time we got?

I'm happy to help. I think we could revisit them in a later date. Yeah. Should we bookmark them for later? Yeah, we'll do that. We'll bookmark that for later. Okay.

Anyway, we'll skip ahead. You're amazing. You're incredible woman. Here we go. She said, I've heard you guys give great advice on the show. I was thinking maybe you could help me out. Okay. We've given advice in the past.

Okay. I'm going to put, I'm going to change the name. Becca, quote unquote, and I have been friends for about three years now. We've always had a lot of fun together, but recently I've started to realize that she's a bit of a shit friend. Excuse my language. Get rid of her. I need to hear no more.

Cut her loose. Get rid of her. Hang on. That's such a male way of approaching this. Every time we hang out, she never asks me anything about myself. Always talks about herself. When we catch up for a coffee,

we always spend hours together and she would leave not knowing a single thing going on in my life. Bye bye, Becca. It honestly feels like she doesn't care about me at all. She doesn't. And I leave feeling worse than when I arrived. Hon, this feels horrible. It's

not like she only talks about herself. We talk about her life, our friend group, anything under the sun. Not a single question about my life. So I wondered if you would be able to help me. She no longer adds any value to my life. My question for you guys is how do you break up with a friend? So the question isn't should I break up with her?

It's how do you? No, no, no, she's already made that decision. Yeah, it's hard because it is, it's a breakup with not someone you're in a relationship with, like intimately. Just phase them out. Stop going when she's ready to catch up for coffee. Just be like, oh, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.

They'll eventually get the idea. No, no. Because it just hangs over you. That's more work for you. But no, but one, because I... And they're in a friend group. I've kind of done that to friends and been like, well, they don't add anything to my life.

I'm not interested. And you just... A soft phase. It's a soft phase out. Yeah, phase them out. I don't think I've ever said to a friend, we're not friends anymore, it's over. No, because that's what you do when you're eight years old. You're not invited to my birthday party. I don't think I've ever said to a friend, we're not friends anymore. It's over. No, because that's what you do when you're eight years old.

You're not invited to my birthday party. I don't, yeah, I can't remember the last time I said, hey, it's better for me if we're not friends. Actually, that's quite a good. It's quite a good. It's quite a good. You just came up with. Oh my God.

It's better for us if we're not friends. I mean, the thing is you need to give the context or do you try, I mean, I don't know, does she say to this, Becca, is that what I called her? Becca. Do you say to her, like, hey, we never talk about me. I'm just noticing you don't ask any questions about me. It's so freaking awkward though, isn't it?

Very awkward. I'm looking up the Harvest Business Review did the right way to fire someone because effectively that's what you're doing. Oh, Vaughan, I think this is more for a business. You're firing them from your life. You're firing them from your life. Don't drag your feet.

Make HR your ally. No. Keep it short. Well, no, that's actually, Vaughan raises a good point there, Hallie. Maybe you could kind of lease out this work to an HR consultant. That's even weirder. And get them to

fire your friends. Show compassion, talk to your team, focus on the future. Do enlist HR to help you manage the process. You know, I think this is more for business. That's quite legal. I honestly think. I mean, I know that I've been asked the question and I've put it to us and now I think I'm going to

put it to the listeners. Yes. It'm going to put it to the listeners yes it's very sort of it's hard for me to say because I'm not in this situation I could sit here and be like look you should have a conversation and value yourself higher

I would totally just ice them I'd just phase them out same quietly I'd just ignore their messages or just be like oh another time maybe and just

it's done do that like start with the like hey I'm busy I can't and then be like oh maybe another time. I'm not really up for it. And then just ignore.

A slow icing. You've basically ghosted them. Basically a slow ghost. A fade out. A fade out, a soft fade. A fade out. Fade to black. Let's ask, what do you think she should do?

How do you break up with a friend that has been a friend for a long time? Yeah, maybe you've done this of late. Because I don't fight with my friends. You know, when you're a kid, you fight with your friends all the time. I'm not talking to Jess. She did this. I don't fight with my friends.

That's because none of them have slept with your fiancé. That I'm not. Vaughn, off the mic. What are you talking about? And when? Look me in the eye. I know you can't. But maybe you've been in this situation.

Someone doesn't add anything to your life and you're like, I don't want to be friends with them. Yeah, or they've got toxic behaviour or they just ignore you or they make you feel bad about yourself or they insult you or they bully you.

How do you get rid of them? Did you ghost them? Did you fade them out? Or did you actually break up with them like you do a boyfriend or a girlfriend? We want to hear it. 0800 Darls and Emerson number. Text in 9696. How do you break boyfriend or a girlfriend? We want to hear it. 0800 Darls and Emerson number. Text in 9696.

How do you break up with a friend? If you're just joining us, I have received a message. Again, the top half was quite full with compliments. Directed at me and not the show. We've skipped those. We've skipped those. The bulk of the message was that they wanted some advice

from us. How do you break up with a friend? Yeah, they've got a friend that's making them feel crap because when they're together they don't ever get asked any questions

about themselves. All they do is talk about the friend and da-da-da. I've been trying to break up for a friend. We've been friends, what, 20... Nearly 20 years.

Nearly 20 years and I just cannot get rid of him. Can't shake him. Every time I'm at work, he's right there. The work environment is hard. I'm here. You're going to have to leave radio. Oh, he's right next to us.

Yeah, I know. Yoohoo. Go on. Are you guys going to have one of those friendships when the career part of it's done and you'll go and hang out and you'll be like, oh, good Lord, we've got nothing to talk about. What do we talk about if it's not work? Yeah, I've had a few friendships like that in my life.

No, I think we'd still find things to bitch about. No, you guys have a lifelong bond and it's a beautiful thing to be a part of. I think it's beautiful. Even from the outside. Yes. You know, I know we're not a three, we're a two and a one and that's fine with me.

Anyway, we've been asked, well, I'm asking you now on behalf of this lovely person, how do you break up with a friend? Kat, what this lovely person, how do you break up with a friend? Kat, what do you think? How do you break up with a friend? Well, for me, it was purely just unfriending on all social media. That's such a big move, though. Oh, my God.

So when did you do this? It was actually about last week. So what made you, if you don't mind us asking, what made you break up with, how long had you been friends? Ten years. Oh, that's not a little one. Wait, and so what made you after ten years break up? Well, he had been quite ignorant on Snapchat stories and things like that, being racist, homophobic.

Oh. Easy to walk away. Seems fair. Quite old school. And then the final straw was when he had sent a picture of his son going into the cripples toilet in the mall. And I'm someone

that has a crutch because I have severe autoimmune conditions. I have a mobility permit. And he is well aware of my condition. And he called it the cripples toilet. Yeah. Oh no. To you. Oh my god. And he called it the cripples toilet. Yeah. Oh, no. To you.

Oh, my God. Yeah, right. He's not someone that's adding to your life, is he? I'm surprised you hung on for 10 years. Yeah, when did this start? How far away from when you called it did this kind of start? It's been about six months. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. It's only recent that it's happened. And we haven't seen each other for a while because he's down in Palmerston North, but I'm actually moving down there in, like, four weeks. Oh, okay. It's a small town.

So you didn't say it's over. It's just a block and a ghost. You've just left. Okay, yeah. I just up and left, and normally he would hit me up if I hadn't replied to any of his stories, but he hasn't.

You think he's received the message? He kind of knows. he's received a message? He's got the message, yeah. So your advice to our lovely person who's written in is just to, like, cut him out and move on. Yeah, I just don't think it's worth it. What if you bump him? When you move to Palmy, this is the thing. I get so awkward.

I'm such a people pleaser. When you bump into him in Palmy, you're going to say, like, hey, are we having... Or you're just going to be like, dude, you're racist. Change my hair colour and. Oh God, you're changing your life. Yeah,

yeah. Wear a hat, those glasses with the fake nose. He'll never know. He'll never know. It's all right, because he's a redhead, so he'll be easy to spot and dodge.

Oh, yeah, okay. Spot and dodge, spot and dodge. Kat, thank you so much for your call. Let's go to Lee.

Lee, what do you think? How do you break up with a friend? Oh, I think that you should just have an honest conversation. Okay. I was just about to say that to our last caller. Did you try saying to them, hey, I think some of your opinions are a little bit out of whack,

but it's actually not your job to do that. Why should I have to? My experience over the last three years, if you try to tell someone that their opinions are just that, they don't tend to take it well, and it can indeed cause them to dig their heels in. True. Well, I mean, you could either tell them and they could get offended and then they're never going to want to see you again, which is kind of what you're aiming for.

Kind of works in your favor. Oh, yeah, that's true. Kind of what you want. Or they just fuck up their ideas and become a better friend and then everyone's life is better. Maybe we can move forward. It's win-win in that situation. So have you actually had to break up with a friend or confront a friend?

I did give a friend a few of my opinion on how I thought that they were kind of being a bad friend and they didn't take it very well and I haven't really spoken to them in the last year. We've kind of tried to rekindle it but I think they just didn't really like hearing the truth. Also, over your lifetime, friends just kind of come and

go, right? They find their way out. You grow apart and they're not what you're into and it happens. It's the seasons of life as well. You have kids and your friends that don't have kids are kind of like, no,

I don't want to borrow them. Yeah, Hayley and I are drinking Aperol Spritz as well. They're all playing families. Change nappies or something. Well, we're all changing nappies

at 3am. If I'm changing anybody's nappies nowadays, it'll probably be Fletcher's. He's closer to nappies than my children are now. Lee, thanks for your call.

Some messages in. I've been honest and told people that we're no longer compatible usually via text. How very like, no longer compatible. How very, Lee thanks for your call some messages in I've been honest and told people that we're no longer compatible usually via text how very like

no longer compatible how very IT of you it's very robotic isn't it yeah we are no longer compatible yeah

have an honest conversation that seems to be a popular one so slowly and silently just become unavailable if they ask then you can tell them why

yeah that's kind of like the double approach right so you go I'll just fade away but if they say hey you've been, that's kind of like the double approach, right? So you go, I'll just fade away. But if they say, hey, you've been distant, you've kind of been, you know, not available, be like, well, I've just sort of been feeling like, and then whatever the feeling is. And she said just ignored messages, then blocked them on everything. And somebody else who doesn't have a username who replied to us on Instagram said that what you do is you mute them.

So you never see anything from them, but they don't know. And then if they find out and they unfollow, they look like the unfollower and you've just muted them. Okay, so I just asked ChatGPT. I just asked AI. I said, how do you break up with a friend?

And Chat has, the AI has just responded, breaking up with a friend can be difficult and a sensitive process. Here are a few steps to consider. One, reflect on your feelings. Understand why you want to end the friendship. Shut up, chat. I want to break up with you. Choose an appropriate time and place.

Find a setting where you can have a private conversation without interruptions. And then choose a time when you can be both relatively calm and available. Be honest and compassionate. Listen and acknowledge. Maintain boundaries. Give it time. Shut up. That's a very long answer.

It's a long answer. That's why ChatGPT's got no friends. Tell me in one sentence. Give me one line to say to someone that I no longer want to be friends with. Tell me in one sentence. Give me one line to say to someone that I no longer want to be friends with. Tell me in one line. Sometimes letting go is the first step towards finding your true path. Oh, my God, imagine. Get that printed out on some bloody, get that printed out on some,

or stitched in some stuff and get that hung up in the hallway. Embroidered, yeah. That's motivational. I want to read that on the Airbnb wall. Something absolutely drove you mad at the gym yesterday. Oh. Oh. How is it?

I just don't think this is that bad. Oh, no. It is. It is. Why? Vaughan, you will agree with me. We were talking about this before you got into work this morning. Shannon at the social media desk prepared to be shocked by her behavior.

A guy at the gym yesterday over from me was on the machine and had two different socks on, not matching. One was a Nike sock. Okay, that is annoying. It was white with like a red stripe or something. It had the Nike logo. And the other one was a blue sock. And I think it had Huffer on it or something, some other brand. And I was just like, like those, it doesn't match.

I know, but what if he was in a hurry? Like sometimes my gym bag is like the worst undies, the worst thing. Have some respect. I have some respect for the shared space. But it's only the gym. It doesn't matter it's was one way longer

than the other what does it say about your life yeah if it was a size thing as well like one's an ankle and one's a crew they were both crew

are they the longer ones longer crew but what does it say about your life that you can't get your life together sorry I nearly swore there you did

you can't get your life together that you can't match your socks after you do your washing. Yeah, but maybe he ran out and there's always odds in socks. No. And maybe one gym sock got a hole in it so he biffed it and then another sock also made

the ultimate sacrifice and so he's got old pairs. Get rid of the unmatching socks and buy a new. Nah, it's only the gym. Listen, chandelier pyjamas at the social media desk, you do this all the time. Listen, chandelier pyjamas at the social media desk, you do this all the time. Doing it right now. What?

I just, I have never thought that matching socks is a priority. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Because I felt like it seemed like I wasn't on your team, Fletch. I am. I just thought at a pinch maybe he had made a mistake. If this is a common thing in your life. Yeah, I did it yesterday and I got ripped out. My boyfriend just looked at me.

I was wearing one fluffy sock under my boot and one no-show. No! Oh no! See what I mean? You're not even bloody trying. See what I mean? Like, you don't care. That's insanity. I was complaining. I was like, I'm cold. And he goes, one foot's on the ground and one's three feet off and like a fluffy one. And like right now at work, I know I'm wearing one

white one that has fruit on it and one red one. So do the fruit sock, one of which you're wearing now, is at home? Is there a partner for that sock? I don't know. I don't keep track. You don't pair them up? No, they just are in a drawer and I just grab. Do you bundle

your socks when you take them off the washing? No. And if I go to airport security, they'll be like, take off your shoes. and then every time they're like, you're not wearing matching socks. I'm like, yeah, I know. What was the hiring process? I know.

I feel like it was just a desperate time. It was willy-nilly, man. Because I don't think girls have this, but guys have those undies. There are packs of undies. Someone sells them, and they've got days of the week on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Monday, Tuesday. And then sometimes at the gym, I'll be like, oh my God, it's Wednesday and he's wearing Friday. Yeah. I would do that. It's so embarrassing. What the hell are people doing?

Like, come on. If anyone's going to see them, it's an intimate moment. Like, I'm not walking around the office sockless, so anyone who's seeing me in my socks, they can accept me,

I would hope. Wow, you live like this. This is wild. This is crazy. It drives my boyfriend up the wall. I just couldn't stand my feet feeling different. Yeah. I quite like that.

If they look exactly the same. I mean, even if they didn't look exactly the same, if they were the same thickness and stuff, I could turn a blind eye to it, but I couldn't wear two vastly different sorts of socks. No, neither. Or heights or textures. Yeah, that's off.

I can understand the argument that, oh, look, these other socks are lost, so I've paired them up and at a stretch I'll wear them to the gym, whatever. But you don't even pair them up at home in the dresser. No, no. In the drawer. There's just a drawer and I just put my hand in it. It's like a lucky dip in the morning, find two friends for the day.

I feel crock. To go one fluffy and one non-fluffy. Yeah, that's not right. Oh, my God, it does my head in. I'm wearing matching socks today and I'm so grateful. Yeah. I'm just feeling them both. That feels like that, that feels like that.

That's the same on each foot. Maybe matching socks is privilege, you know? Yeah, stop rubbing it in. No, but how many weird one socks do you have? I don't have like a tally. See, she's got abundance. It's not a privilege thing. She's got enough socks to wear a pair.

You need to sort your life out. Just all buy just black socks and they'll always all match. No, this is what I do. Just buy the same socks. I buy the same socks. The same. I've got sockets. I've got big socks.

All the same. Yeah. That way you can't mix them up. Where's the spice of life, guys? I've got some spicy socks. Don't come at me and say I don't have spicy socks. I've got spicy socks. What are your spicy socks? I've got some green socks. Don't come at me and say I don't have spicy socks. I've got spicy socks. What are your spicy socks?

I've got some green ones. I've got some polka dot ones. Oh, okay, spicy. I've got some sort of fluffy ones. Yeah, right. But I always wear them together. I'm just saying the guy at the gym that you saw, sometimes at the gym, I'm chucking into a bag.

Yeah, right. And it might be, who knows what's in there. I'm off to the gym shortly and I don't know what's in there. Okay, that's again that's wild hopefully an undie a bottom a top

and a bra and a shoe I've got five little towels in there you never know when you're going to have a really sweaty day and you're going to need

more than one towel why do you double towel at the gym dude sometimes I have to go through three towels at the gym you're talking sweat towels yeah sweat towels

oh my god who are you why are you so wet I'm a wet boy it sounds like you need a big towel, hon. No, I'm not taking a big towel to the gym. That's ridiculous because you hang it over the little arm of the treadmill. You don't want it touching the treadmill.

Imagine that calamity if it got caught in there and shot out the back and it'd trip you over and wrap your leg around it and drag you under the treadmill and I don't know what's under there. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's a lot going on in that brain of yours. I just don't want to die. I don't want to die because the towel is too big. I'd rather take 18 small towels.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's the final rankings. It's a Friday tradition. We rank things. Normally it's food, but this week we will be ranking the ultimate

battery. Is it an AA? Is it an AAA? I think we just call them triple A's and double A's. Or is it one of those little, are they C10s? The discs? The discs. Or what are the fatty, the booty boys? D's and C's.

Yeah. And then you've got your big nine volts. Yes. And then let's not forget the torch batteries. The dolphins. The dolphin torch batteries of the not forget the torch batteries. The dolphins. The dolphin torch batteries of the 90s and 2000s. Those were great. I remember when you'd have a little electronics kit,

you'd always use either a 9 volt or one of those big torch batteries to power up your little electronic set. I love the big toy batteries. Yeah. I would go, I'd probably go AAAs, my fave. Same. I reckon I'd use those the most. They're the ones that are always in the remotes. I would go, I'd probably go AAAs, my fave. Same. I reckon I'd use those the most. They're the ones that are always in the remotes.

Mm-hmm. I'd go... Unless you've pulled them out to use them for something else. What would you... Toothbrush, electric toothbrush. I don't think electric toothbrush... There's an electric toothbrush. No, they're chargeable.

AAAs. My old electric toothbrush used to be a battery. It had two batteries in it. Anything else you use AAs for? All of it's chargeable now, but back in the day, quite a lot of batteries. Yeah, USB charger on the adult fun toys. Yeah, yeah. And you'd be like, God, I'll just see what this guy remote's

got. You'd check into a white energiser and a copper top and you'd just be like, yeah, they said not to mix brands. Check into a hotel and change out the batteries so you can get fresh ones. Where did we sit on mixing batteries?

That was just brand bullshit, right? Because they wanted you once you bought a brand to stay loyal to that brand. Are we loyal to any battery brands? I mean, I've always been Energizer, but I mean, I'm a firm believer you get what you pay for. Like if you get a cheap battery, they never last. That's what you're going to get. So I'd go

AAA, 9 volt because that's retro tongue on the tongue memories as a kid. And then the big fat dolphin, again for retro memories with the springy I'm going to go Yeah, they ruled. I'm going to go, the AAA is

number one. They're so cute, so fun. I love finding them and you always need them. Do you still bite batteries? Yeah, I bite batteries. You've mentioned you do one. They're so cute, so fun. Yeah. I love finding them, and you always need them. Do you still bite batteries? Yeah, I bite batteries. You've mentioned you do this. You get more out of them. You get more out of them? You simply do.

I do. Then I'm going to go number two. I'm going to go the coin cell battery. The CR2032 or the CR2025? I've got those on my electric scales, on my electronic scales. Electric scales, that one. Always in that. And when you stand on it, and it's going low, it says low bat.

But if you miss the low part and you just look down and you see bat, it looks like it's saying fat. And sometimes it's like fat. You're like, not today, scales. Those are the batteries and ear tags as well. And garage door remotes. And then I'm going to go a classic D battery. The two fatties that you'd put in a smaller torch.

Yeah. There's something about the Ds. The two fatties that you'd put in a smaller torch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's something about the Ds. Two fat ladies. Yeah. I love them. So a lot of online talk, Hayley Sproul, saying that biting batteries doesn't do a single thing.

Then why is the remote not working? Choo, choo, choo. Now working. It's condensing the energy. No. And supercharging it. Again, do not bite batteries because, you know, kids swallow batteries and it's. Don't kids bite them.

Adults bite them. It eats through their stomachs. It does because it completes the circuit and those little battery ones can chew through it. I would go a AAA, I think, is going to be our number one battery of the day. I think. It's so cute. And a AAA, if you're caught short on a AA, you can put a AAA in and then smash a bit of tinfoil behind it. That's right.

Temporary measure. It will complete the circuit and they're both 1.5 volts. That's a bit of tinfoil behind it. That's right. Temporary measure. It will complete the circuit, and they're both 1.5 volts. That's a bit of science, kids. Yeah. And that's some free science this morning. So that one, and then I'd probably have to go button, because I have a lot of those. Scales, garage door remotes.

Oh, yep, yep, yep. Watches, all those sorts of things. Your skinny things, your flat skinny things. Yeah, the flat skinny things, the air tags they're going to need to be replacing. And thirdly, I want to go for a big fat torch battery. Yes. But not the square one that was square with the, like, the rectangular for the one that would literally be the body of the big Jim torch. Oh, yeah, that's old school.

Do you remember the big Jim torch? Yeah, but the big red one. Yep. Old school. You had that and it was never strong. The batteries were always dying. No, it's crazy that now you can get a tiny torch that charges off USBs and you can wear it on your head with zero battery pack.

I've got a head torch for tramping and hiking that you just USB, and it lasts for like 30 hours. But the Big Jim. I remember those. Do yourself a favour right now. If you can Google Big Jim torch. Now, make sure you say torch Google, Google Big Jim Torch. Now, make sure you say Torch wrong,

because Big Jim something else could lead you to do something completely different. Yeah, that's the, yeah. You don't put Big Jim's Torch. Yeah, that's the guy that left Big Jim's mowing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And went and found fame online in other parts of the internet. By other means. Yeah. Huge weed whacker.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Well, she ordered it at the field days and it's finally showed up. This is your mother in law? What's it? What's it? Her new purchase is a tractor. No. Oh my God, I wish. Oh my God, that'd be you'd be so jealous of someone that close to you

bought a tractor. So livid if she bought a tractor. She bought an old person's bed. A bed with a remote on the side that will sit you up, lay you down, elevate your feet. Wait, I've seen these beds and they're different on either side. Yes, so her and her husband can have different. And she said there's literally a setting on there where you're lying in it

and your partner starts snoring and you can lift their head. What, you just press the button and you're like. It's like a partner snore setting or something and you push it and it goes and just takes the weight off the. See how that's the difference? Listen to this. The only thing that changed there was I tilted my head forward a bit. But then that's only going to work if they're on their back.

What if they're a side sleeper? That's when you snore. If they're a side snorer, push the button that puts their feet right up. Fold them in half. Or smother them with a pillow. Yeah. Well, you could actually Fold them in half. Or smother them with a pillow. Yeah. Well, you could actually fold in half, but also smother them.

Is it also good if you were reading or watching TV? That would be the only benefit I'd see of this bed. She gets sold everything and then becomes a saleswoman for them. This is my mother-in-law. Oh, God. So that means your wife will want one soon. No. No, because she was saying how very embarrassing it Right. This is my mother-in-law. Oh, God. So that means your wife will want one soon. No.

No. Because she was saying how very embarrassing it is. It is embarrassing. She was like, it's so embarrassing. She's like, we're not ready to move

to that sort of bed yet. No. The electric bed. But this is, I mean, this is the latest in a long line. She's got a history

of these purchases. Totally. She's always just getting talked into buying things. Right. You need this and why go for that one? You can have a bigger one and just put a deposit down now.

She got timeshared in the 90s. Did she? Did she? Yeah, she got timeshared in the 90s. Did she use it? No, I think she managed to sell it when Sade's parents separated. I think they managed to offload the time sheet. Yeah, right.

It's very hard to use your 10 days a year that aren't around public holidays and New Year's and school holidays. When you're separated and your ex-partner also wants to use them. But yeah, she's moved into old lady bed territory. Wow. Oh, God. Goodness me. That is embarrassing.

My parents haven't started Any old people things yet In their early early 60s Oh no Remember they're going on a cruise At the top of Next Year That's probably the first old thing They've done There you go

Very anti them But I know it'll start Little things More comfortable Get my mum in a pair of cuffs Is she not in cuffs? No she's not in cuffs She's a fashion queen

No no no She doesn't She doesn't F with the hush puppies She doesn't F with the hush puppies? She doesn't F with the hush puppies? No. What about the arch support? No, she doesn't care. She's all about the fashion, darling.

Okay, so she's still in that. Do they ever sleep in different beds? No, never. They can't. Really? Always in the same marital bed? They sleep nude together every night. Are you kidding me?

I know. Nude? Hot, eh? Yeah, good for them. That's pretty hot. That's good for them. Wow. Heck yes.

But it'll happen, right? Wait, this is weird because Hayley said if you're ever in Italy and you want to go and see your parents, just go and stay. Yeah, and their apartment is tiny and you will know that they are up there probably having nude humps. A verda chimaz. A little pasta. A little pasta, humpies.

Pasta? You've got a carbo life. My somatic sexologist, Morgan Penn, good morning. car, Bolo. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. My somatic sexologist, Morgan Penn. Good morning. Oh, good morning. How are you? You may have heard her on the successful podcast, Sex.Life.

Oh, the record break, world record breaking. Was it? No. But it's doing well. Let's claim it. Successful didn't sound enough. Yeah. Yeah.

Successful sounded like it didn't meet the expectations set, whereas it exceeded all expectations. Yes. From the podcast that exceeded everybody's wildest expectations. I like that. I love that. Morgan Penn, good morning. Ata marie.

Ata marie. Now, we have talked a lot about sex, you and I. Yes, we have. You still stumbled on the word talked there before you said sex. Yes, sex I was happy with, but talked. I struggled. And so much response from it, like people direct messaging you and me and us at ZDM,

and we did a Q&A on our podcast. Yes. But we've got overspill. Overflow. The cup runneth over. And so we thought we'd bring you in to chat with our lovely ZM peeps. And we've picked out a question, one that was popular. I had a couple of these.

Yeah. I'm sure you've dealt with this probably a lot as your life as a sexologist. The question is, good morning, Morgan. Huge fan of the podcast. Oh, thank you. Just a statement. There you go. Yeah.

That was directed to St. Morgan. I wasn't there. Morgan, how can I get back trust with my partner in the bedroom after he cheated on me? Oh, so they want to trust them again. Yeah. How can I trust my partner in the bedroom after he has cheated on me?

Do you subscribe to once a cheater, always a cheater? No, I don't. I don't. I don't at all because I think, you know, humans are so cute and weird. And when we're aroused. We lose control. We do lose control. Like a primal part of our brain can actually take over because it is such a desire to spread

the seed and to connect and get pregnant and procreate and so sometimes bits of the brain are offline yeah and and I know this is not an excuse for cheating at all and I do not condone cheating um but I do know that sometimes there are moments where things can really get wild and I think it's reflective of other bigger problems in the relationship, which can be worked through. But what I think what's interesting with this question is that they have said the word trust,

and that is actually the key to all of this. Trust needs to be rebuilt because that's what's been shattered. So this person needs to figure out what their needs are to trust that person again. What could that be? Like how do you lose and then rebuild trust? God, that's a big question. I'm sorry, I've thrown that on you.

You've obviously got to unfollow all the hot models on Instagram. All of them. Phone password. Done. Having a phone. Done. Joint Instagram account happening now. Facebook account that is both of our names. That is the opposite of trust. And then account happening now. Oh, Facebook account that is both of our names.

That is the opposite of trust. And then our last name. Stephen Sharon. Yes. Does that sound like trust to you, Morgan? Wearing this collar that tracks wherever you are at every given minute. Yes, chastity belt. Yes.

Putting this ear tag in your back pocket. Yes, letting me put an explosive device in your penis in case you, it's like. Whoa. Bang. It's blown right off. Okay, I think you went a bit far there. Did I go far? Really escalated. That's not trust.

But there were pieces in there which is disclosure, which I actually think can be a helpful tool for rebuilding. It's like, you can have access to that person's phone at any time if you are feeling insecure, so you can check. Really? Yeah. yeah oh you don't like she doesn't like that no i just sort of feel like it's that's not privacy yeah and it's not trusting

but i suppose you have you've got to maybe you have to build and re-earn it yes that's right yeah and so really it is about scaffolding supporting the person that has been really hurt scaffolding up at the moment. You've been up for months. Bring that by the week. Well, it could be. To feel trust again, you might feel like you need flowers every week from that person. You might need public displays of affection on social media that that person has normally kept you hidden.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. But what? Because other people know about the cheating and then it all goes public. Everybody sees it and immediately it's just like, someone's trying to work their way out of it. But who cares? Who cares? It's not about other people know about the cheating and then it all goes public. Everybody sees it and immediately it's just like, someone's trying to work their way out of it. But who cares? Who cares? It's not about other people.

True. And also, I hate the secrecy around these kind of things. Like, it's a big shameful thing. It shouldn't be. It's quite human. It's a relationship dynamic that has unfolded. And we can all heal from this. And, like, because it lurks in the shadows,

it stops people from sharing with their friends or their family instead of just being like, this is what's happened. We have chosen to work through this together. We'd appreciate your support. How do you stop yourself, though, when they're late home or, you know? Yeah, which is a normal thing. You see them texting or they don't answer your text. You're just like, wow, are you cheating on me? And what about when you're watching a movie Or, you know... Yeah, which is a normal thing. You see them texting or they don't answer your text,

you're just like, wow, are you cheating on me? And what about when you're watching a movie and the person on the movie is being cheated on and then you just can't help but be like, what's this movie saying? What are you doing, dog? Yes, there will be triggers, of course, but this is an opportunity to check in with yourself, see how you feel, and if you're still not feeling good,

you share that with the person. You've got to keep working. Yeah, it's not like it's a one and done thing. This not feeling good you share that with the person you gotta keep working yeah it's not like it's a one and done thing this is something where you can keep coming back to the conversation you are gonna feel

insecure at times but it needs to be a safe place within that relationship to discuss it but you believe that it can be done I do

but I don't think it should ever be used as leverage to kind of keep bringing it up or to hurt the other person or to get other things. When they've paid their dues, you're like, okay,

well, we've healed from this. I don't need to weaponise it. That's right. And then what's kind of a sign that it's done? It's dead in the water. Pull the plug, get out, start a new relationship with somebody else. Oh, God. Because maybe it's your exit.

Someone's like, I'm so sorry, it'll never happen again. You're like, I don't know if I believe you or if I ever will believe you again, I'm out. So if you don't have trust in them, then maybe you are out. If you feel rocked to your core and you just feel so grief stricken and you've, you know, you can try getting external help. There are people that can really support in this realm, like myself. But, you know, if it just doesn't feel right, then it is time to go. Like, if you really can't see a future or there isn't a deep heart, love there or respect,

move on. I'm sure it's hard for you to make advice because there's so many contributing factors. Like, was it discovered or were you told? Or was it an affair or just a one-off? You know, like, how long was this going on? And how deep did it go? Yeah, they were only cheating on me for 12 years.

Yeah. Go. And we were together for 13. Yeah, I feel like we can get through this. I don't think you can. No, you can't. You're right. There's so many different things that come into it.

So many other ways. Who was it? Do we not, you know, all those things? Yes, exactly. God. It's big. It is big. It's a minefield.

It is. Well, if you missed the podcast, Sex.Life, you can listen on iHeartRadio, Spotify, wherever you podcast. And if you want to work with Morgan or follow her website and Instagram. MorganPenn.co.nz. If you'd like to work with me, follow me on Instagram, MorganTheSexologist, where I share a lot of learnings and community kind of discussions about sex, relationships, and bodies.

Woohoo. Thanks for coming in. My pleasure. Next on the show. Well, after Timu and the teeth whitening, I've been sucked into something else. Some Insta undies. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I was targeted yesterday. Absolutely targeted. When I was scrolling through the gram, as I am wont to do. Oh, not again. I know. You know, we spoke about this a couple of weeks ago, that suction cup that you bought.

Still waiting to see the results from that. Keep at it. Never quit. Never quit. Never quit. It works if you work it. Quitters be quitting. Now, the targeted advertising I received was from a company called Miss Mary,

the longer name Miss Mary of Sweden. Oh. And what was the ad for? Skin-cooling panties. I've been getting a lot of, I don't know if it was because it heard us talking about your underwear, Vaughn, because, you know, we spoke about. Oh, Jocky's changed the recipe.

They changed the recipe. They changed the recipe. I've been getting so many ads for undies, and I showed you one, like, the other day, and you could see this guy's, like... Full. You could see it. And it was...

I don't think that was because we talked about my undies, was it? Someone's been searching some other things on the internet. No, I showed Hayley. It's got to be the undies. I've been getting targeted ads for so many different kinds of undies, and this guy, you could see, like, it was like they were spray painted on. I know, but you're getting targeted for undies that look hot. I've been targeted for cool sensation panty with long legs.

Now, this is your classic chub rub short. Right. But you wouldn't wear an undie underneath. It's very tight to the skin and apparently it's got a cooling sensation. Now, if you know me, I don't rock a skirt

without a little short underneath. Always. Jesus, she really opened that thing right up. I was worried you might get a look there, a side glance. The only thing that stopped it

was that perfectly placed a queer candle. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful. But I always wear like a nice short and I rock a jockey short. They haven't changed the recipe on these and I love them. Okay. But then these

ones here are perfect, perfect solution for thigh chafing. Are they like a spanksy kind of a... Spanksy but they wouldn't be like control. Right. This is all about chub rub. Cools the skin by one to two degrees. Now I run very hot. Yeah, okay. And I cool and heat from the crotch. It sounds like you're

getting suckered in. Perfect to sleep in on hot summer nights. Cools and keeps the skin dry. Laser cut leg openings. Incredibly soft, comfortable to wear. Great use of the world's lasers.

Yeah. She's got a bunch of stuff I could do with lasers and they're using them to cut panty holes. Undies. You put these in the group chat and I tell you what,

you're not the only one alone in this. The girls, you are all over this. Oh, yeah. If you're getting suckered in, I'm right there with you. The girlies were like, hang on, what are we doing? When are we ordering? Because we all love a chub rub short. Absolutely.

Wearing them right now. Wearing them right now. And you've got pants on, don't you, Carly? Yeah, I do. That's all right. Can you guys, like, are you, oh, God, Vaughn, just say it and just light the fuse and back away. Are you guys all the same size?

Could you do, like, a three? I think we could all. Well, because you gave us some period underwear. Yes, I got sent some period underwear. No, no, brand new. I got sent some period underwear, and I got a three set of them, and we each had one. She's very generous.

And famously, I have borrowed your chub rub shorts before. Yeah, so I think we would all be the same size in these cooling, sorry, cool sensation panty with long legs. Right, okay. Now they come in a white, a flesh, like a pakeha flesh, I will note. If you see that on there, it comes in flesh, if you're pakeha. I would love to see that On the Razine colour chart

Pakeha flesh Oh my god The colour on these walls The flesh of the Pakeha Oh my god That's flesh of Pakeha By Razine Right next to blood of Pakeha

Liver of Yeah They come in black and pink But the only My only issue with this is When it comes to a chub rub short Be they cooling sensation or not Yeah

They need to sit high. Very. Yeah, I'm not having my guts. I don't want to control like a spank, but it's got to go over the belly button. Oh, are these not going high enough? I see this woman's whole belly button. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no. I want it right up under my tits. Right up under your tits. He gets it. He gets it. Yeah, I get it. I'm an ally. Centimetres from tucking into the bra is the ideal position.

I also hope it's got one of those side pockets. Very useful. I love the side pocket. What are you putting your lies through in it? Well, what I did, even at radio awards, under my gown, I had bike shorts and I would put my phone in my pocket because my dress doesn't have a pocket. Do you wear bike shorts to a black tie function?

I always wear bike shorts. She cycled home. She tied up the dress, tied up the frock. Yeah. Side-saddle bike home. Clay, ZM's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day why you've always got to check your wording in a legal document, especially a government-level bill.

Okay. I never read contracts. I never read documents. I'm so bad at it. They're just like, sign here. Look for the line and you're right. Yeah, you just write and sign away. You skim through, don't you?

Yeah. Well, in 2012 in Nebraska, it was voted lawmakers passed the Safe Haven Bill, which at the outset you'd be like, wait, is this in America? This sounds so progressive. Progressive. Yeah. If parents were unable to care for babies

or they had hidden the fact that they were about to have a baby, there were safe havens they could drop these babies off at, a lot of them fire stations, hospitals, and designated safe haven sites. I've seen in America there was a fire station and it had like on the side of the fire station it had this big green door and you'd pull it open and you could just leave a baby in there.

Like a recycle bin. Like when you do a urine sample at the doctor and there's the cupboard and it goes through the other side. And everyone's urine's here

and you're just like, ugh. He doesn't know which one's mine. I put the sticker on it. I hope that'll be... Yeah, you put the sticker on it. Yeah.

Anyway, when they introduced that, they didn't specify child. They just said child safe haven zones. Oh, yeah. Now, in Nebraska, until you were 18 years old, you were legally specify child. They just said child safe haven zones. Oh, yeah. Now, in Nebraska, until you were 18 years old, you were legally a child. Which meant that quite a few teenagers, some of which was discovered were from out of state,

were driven to Nebraska and dropped off at fire stations, hospitals, and safe haven sites. And they had to look after them. They had to look after them. I love that. Yeah. Did that get an emergency rewording? It didn't. It took five years.

What? Basically. So when they initially did it, they said the child would have to be 30 days of age or younger. And then they were like, it just doesn't seem enough. And then there was a lot of debate about what does a child mean? And if you exclude people and they might have had the child and it might have all been going well, and then they might have found themselves in a situation

where it's dangerous and they want the best for the child. So how can you put an age on it? Yeah, you can't say eight. And then what if they're nine? And then also what about man babies too? Yeah. We need to be cared for. We've all got one of those in our lives.

We totally need to be cared for. So they put it in place, this Nebraska safe haven, and then people just started dropping off their shithead teenagers. Been like, I have had a dartsful of you. It'd be right up there with, if you kids don't stop fighting, why don't you just go to a Nebraska safe haven? I'll turn this car around. And I've checked the law and it can be done.

So it totally could be. That's sad as well. Five years for them to turn around. Very sad. Yeah. Very sad. And there were some parents who literally could no longer take care of teenagers. Who found themselves in a situation where the kids were stronger than them.

But there were also a lot of people who were just like... I hope you realise how lucky you are, because you and your brother, you need a whole bag of farm-baked biscuits. I'm surprised your parents didn't drop you off. We would have been dropped off in a Nebraska not safe haven. The more dangerous, the better place. Yeah, it would have been like, if you could find your way home through Nebraska to New Zealand,

maybe then you will have earned your loaf of bread. But until then, no coming home from school and smashing a bag of farm bait biscuits in a loaf of bread. Yeah. That's not to be done. So today's fact of the day is it took five years to overturn it once they put in. But when Nebraska put in a safe haven zone law for children, some teenagers got dropped off there when they were being ratbags. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. spoken before about bloody end of year school pranks and you know the things you used to do which was like I put a fish in a wall at Queen Margaret's which by the way is the worst thing you can do. Yeah but they literally I paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to be there and I'm going to leave my mark Yeah Anyway so you might have heard this story

it was a couple of months ago there was some Texas high school students that let off a fart spray right? Classic gag. Yeah. Classic gag. But it backfired when a lot of people ended up hospitalised because something was wrong with a fart bomb and it actually made people really sick.

They couldn't breathe. People went off to hospital. So it was actually a bomb. Yeah, they were like, and everyone was like, something stinks, and then other people were like, and passed down. Jeez. But carried away on stretchers.

Well, now, these two students, who were the leaders of this pranking group, have been criminally charged. What, for a fart bomb? Yeah. So that puts fart bombs on a list of things more important to the American police than guns. Yes.

They had the right to protect themselves. How dare they set off a smelly thing? But please, grab a pistol. Yeah, that may be the legal defence, their amendment rights. Well, maybe this is a new defence, the fart bomb defence. But the 18-year-old and the 17-year-old both charged with possession of a prohibited weapon. It's a third-degree felony. Is it?

Saying that they intentionally and knowingly possessed a chemical dispensing device, fart bomb, according to court records. So now they're saying it was way more serious than some prank shop purchase. Because I remember the news headlines, what, like end of May, was when their school semester, their kind of graduation is, their summer break. And then year. Their summer break. And then they go into summer break. I remember there was a few students that listed a school on,

like, their version of the real estate sites over there, Zillow. Listed a school for, like, $42 million for sale. Yeah, right. Other students poured cement. I think another one I remember, cement in the toilets. Yeah. And then, like, you've got your screw. Now that's naughty. I know.

Yeah, you've got to rip up the whole toilets and plumbing system. Yeah, that's naughty. Yeah, that's naughty. Well, as a result, you know, a lot of people are talking online about, like, oh my god, these guys have been criminally charged. The things I've done at high school, the naughty things that they got in trouble for, I want to hear yours.

I want to take some calls and get some messages in about, like, the dumbest thing you got in trouble for. Yeah. I want to hear yours. I want to take some calls and get some messages in about like the dumbest thing you got in trouble for at school. What did you do? How did it backfire? Was it an innocent fish in the water? Because you know that it's going to happen around November, December. We're going to get all these stories when it's end of high school time. Yeah.

The pranks that happen because sometimes they do go too far. Totally. Totally. So we want to hear the dumbest thing you got in trouble for at school. Okay, give us a call.

0800 DARS at M is the number. You can text as well. 9696. Maybe it wasn't even intentional. It was something that you were like, and then it just got carried away. Yeah.

What is the dumbest thing that you got in trouble for at school? Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM's. Well, a couple of guys have been charged, well, high schoolers, for letting off a fart bomb. Yeah, and it kind of went a little bit more serious

than they thought. Some people ended up in hospital. Charged with assault? Yeah, basically, like, they used the fart bomb as a weapon. And it comes under a chemical weapon. Yeah, exactly. Which, like, is close to terrorism, so. Smell that bad.

They might as well have mustard gassed the school. They might as well have got me in there with my bloody IBS. Then they would have smelled it. You're tooting around. We asked you what the silliest thing you got in trouble for at school was. Some text messages in. Somebody said... Some text messages on, aren't they?

Some texts on. Parked in the staff car park because my car looked the same as one of the teachers. I got towed and detention. Also embarrassing for the teacher that they have the same car as like a 16-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. It might have been one of mum's hand-me-downs, though. Yeah, that's fair.

For the teacher. I just thought it was embarrassing for the teacher. Painted the art teacher's windows. She loved it. Management's not so much. Weak of detention. Management. I mean, they are management, right?

Yeah, they manage the school. The principal. The principal is the student manager. Yeah. They manage detention. Management. I mean, they are management, right? They are. They manage the school. The principal. The principal is the student manager. Management. They manage it. Yeah. We went to a rural school, got sick of the field being so bad,

so one weekend we borrowed a mate's dad's tractor and reseated it using his equipment. What? We got in so much trouble for driving equipment on the school grounds.

But did the bloody grass look nice? Well, I mean, what are we talking, an autumn reseed? Reseeding. A spring reseed. If you've got a rural school, everybody's dad's got a tractor. Oh, my God.

Get a reseed going on. Get an undersow in time for spring. You get some lovely bloody summer growth for the cricket field. I was going to say, get an undersow in time for spring. We want to know the dumbest thing that you got in trouble for when you were at school. Because some kids now have been charged with a criminal offence. Yeah, this is like two months after the end of... It's in court

now. For a fart bomb. For a fart bomb they let off that made people feel nauseous and dizzy and hospitalised. Because I guess it is like it's a chemical device which can be used by terrorists. Can be dangerous. Silly, silly. A lot of messages and a lot of calls as well. Sarah,

what was the dumbest thing you got in trouble for at school? So I went to a first-time caller. Oh, yay! Hang on, hang on. Beautiful. Lots of dings, lots of dings, lots of dings. Yay! Welcome.

Welcome. Thank you. So I went to a hoi-chi dings. Yay! Welcome. Welcome. Thank you. So I went to Hoiti Toiti private school. Kia ora. Almost as fancy as Hayley there. Almost. Almost. Almost as funny too.

But we used to, in the girls' toilets, wet a whole heap of probably three-ply toilet paper in the sink and throw it over the cubicles of people while they were in there. I was going to say chuck it on the roof. Remember doing that? Yes, we did that. As well, though. Such a waste of three-ply.

Meanwhile, Fletch and I are at public schools whipping our ass with baking paper. Tinfoil. Which was left over. Yeah, it was recycled itself. But I think it was a combination of that and also, you know how your mum does night courses at the local high school? Yes.

My mum did a hairdressing course. So she had one of those mannequins. Oh. Okay. You know the one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had the hair and stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, so we used to pop that over the cubicle as well. Oh, and be like, ah! And so what happened? Did you get detention? Well, we ended up getting a three-day in-school detention and had to construct anti-bullying posters. Oh, so were you targeting one specific person with these shenanigans?

No, no, no, no, just in general. Oh, I don't think it's bullying when it's a whole school. It's not bullying if you're doing it to everybody. Bullying is way more targeted. That's just being a rat bag. Yeah, bullying is targeted. Yeah, I don't know. It was a bit of both.

So well worth that private school money then. Yeah, did the parents want the money back? Yeah. Sarah, amazing. Thank you so much for your call. Let's go to Jane. Jane, what was the dumbest thing you got in trouble for at school? Getting caught playing in the church.

Oh, okay. So do you go to a religious school? I went to a small religious primary school in Wellington. Okay. Which was primary and intermediate. Was it St. Mark's? No, no. it was St Teresa's in Karori. Oh, Karori.

Oh, must be nice. Oh no, but we didn't call it Karori back then, we called it Karori. Yeah. And so what did you get in trouble for? Just playing in the church, is that naughty? Well, it was severely out of bounds and we were lurking

around there at lunchtime, doing things like putting stuffed toys on the altar. Stuffed toys on the altar, you absolute sinner. Enjoy hell. Enjoy hell, child. I thought churches, the whole thing about churches, are a welcoming space that anyone's welcome at at any time. It's a house of refuge under the good guardianship of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Amen, but I don't know that Mr. Curtis saw it that way. Mr. Curtis, hey. There's always a Mr. Curtis. Mr. Curtis. But then after we got snapped because Khan told her mum and mum rang the school rude. What? Wait, she dogged in her own child?

No, no. No, she was, Khan wasn't in the church with us. Khan would never have been in the church. Oh, okay, right. Just a nasty kid. She probably ran and told Mr. What was his face? Curtis.

Curtis. Yeah. So we got snapped for that and got a detention, which I then worsened when at end of year school mass practice, I then got caught splashing John Paul with the holy water. Oh, no. You're a naughty heathen. Well, John Paul is like

the Wicked Witch of the West. He can't get wet. John Paul Gaultier, right? Is that who you're talking about? Fantastic signer. Yeah. Wait, John Paul I or John Paul II? John Paul of the Tokkers.

Oh. Oh, we were at John Paul. Fletch looks very... He's a TikToker. Yeah. What about Ringo and George, though? Were they? Jane, thank you for your call. Some messages in. He's very naughty people. Yeah. What about Ringo and George, though, were they? Jane, thank you for your call.

Some messages in. He's very naughty, people. Yeah. Somebody said, we got in trouble for dinging the school bell. Oh, yeah. The old school school bell. It was a big dingy bell. Yeah.

So they got in trouble for that one. Somebody else said, I got in trouble for every day when I was eating an apple, I'd drop an apple cord down the back of the same place and one day they pulled it open and it was full of like ants and rat poos and stuff and they did a big investigation and they found out I'd been dropping the apple cord there on the subject of fruit. Someone said they got in trouble because every time

they had an apple they'd pull it, or anything with a sticker on it, they'd collate the stickers on the part of the school where they sat. And they got in big trouble for... Or like the desks, the old wooden desks with the flip, they used to be covered in fruit stickers. Yeah, stick those under there. Somebody else

got in trouble for lighting the pencil shavings on fire. Don't do that. Now that I think about it, what a wonderful fire starter. Thin shavings of wood? Expensive though. Like going home and buying a new pack of pencils and sharpening them into the fire. If you were only sharpening them anyway.

If you were to get a hold of some pencil sharpeners. Pencils themselves would make great kindling, wouldn't they? Lead? No, the graphite in them wouldn't burn though, would it? Wouldn't it? I didn't do science. Got rid of science ASAP. Can graphite burn?

I got rid of science and maths still ASAP. As soon as it wasn't compulsory. 100%. Can graphite burn? Just for anybody thinking, it's a non-flammable but combustible. Okay, so that's... It's an explosion. Don't.

It could make the fire exciting. Mixtures of graphite dust and air are explosive when ignited. So I'm going to take it back, recommending using pencil sharpenings to light a fire. I don't want to be responsible for any insurance claims. Incredibly dangerous. Oh. Yeah, that was my tum-tums.

That was my tum-tum-tums. Hey guys, I reckon that was the most fun I've ever had on a show. Ah, not for me. Vaughan? Nowhere even close. Nowhere even close. Nowhere even close. You haven't been here long, have you?

No, I haven't. No. Well, if you were listening and you had fun, why don't you give us a little review and a rating? ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.