ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 31st July 2023

Episode Date: July 30, 2023

Top 6: Palmy North  Silly Little Poll!  Glimmers  Hayley almost missed her flightHow did your Parents bribe you?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshpawn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fleshpawn and Hayley, we're out of the FIFA Cup. That first game, you know, it really did something to the nation though. You know, we can't forget. It lifted us, it lifted us.

We cannot forget. But why? I thought they'd have a shootout at the end or something because it's a World Cup, right? Yeah, but they had more points from previous games, which meant that it wasn't kind of needed. I hate watching a sports game and it ends in a draw. More exciting to do it. No, cricket's the worst because you've just spent five days

to get to that draw. At least that was 90 minutes with a bit of extra time. You'll sit down and watch five whole days of cricket to be told nobody wins. No, but you get the games within the game with cricket.

Whereas this is just, what, 90 minutes and it's done and then you're just like, who won? But yeah, I'm way more excited to have a shootout.

Yeah. That would have been pretty cool. It would be a nice way to change the rules. If I could do that. Yeah. Draws.

Yeah. Draws for draws. But then All Blacks winning. Yeah. That was funny. I watched it do that. Draws. Yeah. Draws for draws. But then All Blacks winning. Yeah. That was funny. I watched it in a pub in Melbourne. It was just on the road. Yeah. Yeah, I know. You got them to turn it on because they don't care about rugby. No, no, they had the

AFL on. Yeah. And we were out the back of this classic Melbourne old pub. We went in and we're like, can you put the union on? And they were like, can you put the union on? And they were like, oh yeah. The union. Excuse me, sir.

Please broadcast the union. It was actually in Melbourne, the game. Yeah, it was literally. Melbourne was crazy this weekend. And I was like, what the hell is that? Because there's like twice in a row at the MCG that was sold out both nights, right? Huge.

And then... Uber costs. Silver Ferns have won three, their three games in the... Sports! In the World Cup. Sports! Hands up if your wife booked a month worth of Sky Sport

and you were getting your money's worth out of it. Hell yeah, man. We've been watching all sorts of sports. Now, speaking of the FIFA Cup that's happening at the moment, the Women's World Cup, we go to Palmerston North soon on the show. The journalist that broke this news has said, I may have caused an international incident.

Apparently, the Spanish team's hometown, when they were here, you know when you get billeted when you were at school? Do they still do billeting in the modern day? I don't know. It does seem like you could just be throwing your children to the local, you know, creep. It was weird, eh? Yeah.

No background checks. No background checks. Shout out to Rebecca at Hallswell Primary in 2000. Did you do billeting at primary? I would have been too. Intermediate. Intermediate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's where I first had green pasta. Right. The pasta was grey and I was like, what is happening? What? My pasta's yellow these people in Auckland have green pasta we went to Christchurch we did a Wellington Christchurch exchange did they have green pasta I can't remember I don't really remember much this would be a good this would be a good phone and topic the weirdest thing you saw when you were building because I remember Daniel's dad smoked on the deck.

And I was just like, your dad's smoking. And he was like, yeah. I was like, he's smoking on the deck. Well, where did you want him to smoke? I just never seen somebody smoke at a house before. Right. I grew up with a ferocious family of anti-smokers. So I'd never seen someone smoke at a house before.

But Spain had been billeted to Palmerston North. Now, they chose to leave Palmerston North, and apparently the story is because they were bored. There's heaps to do in Parmy. Poor Parmy. They haven't had a good run with celebs, have they? No, John Cleese spoke very poorly of it, and they named the dump after him. That's Mount Cleese.

That's right. So, I don't know, they might be naming something. That's Mount Cleese. That's right. So, don't know, they might be naming something, maybe they could name the effluent ponds. Spanish football. Yeah. The Spanish football lake.

Yeah. Or something. But I've got the top six reasons Palmy isn't boring at all. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A hotel manager on TikTok

has revealed why she would always pack away her toothbrush and not leave it. Because do you do this if you're ever staying in like a motel or a hotel? You get the little glass in there. Or a holiday inn. Or a holiday inn, sure. Or a Ridges.

Yeah. Or a Hilton. Bella Vista. A Bella Vista. A Bella Vista. Always with a lovely duvet. Always a beautiful shade of orange, the Bella Vista. Multi-patterned to hide the stains.

No, I'll always get a carpet. I'd love to run a rug doctor around a Bella Vista. Be why a rug doctor. Bella Vistas are always clean. Do you just mean like a hotel? Oh, yeah, just a well-worn down, you know, the... Hotel, yeah, a motel. It's a patterned carpet, and it was longer,

but it's just been squashed by so many feet. No one takes their shoes off in those places. No, they don't, yeah. And I'd just love to run a rug doctor over one just to see how dirty it was. Well, I'll do this. I'll put my toothbrush in a cup in the bathroom and put my toothpaste in there.

Oh, no, I leave mine in the bag. Well, see, this is what this former hotel manager is saying. She said she has heard of a cleaner that took particular umbrage with a guest. Maybe this guest was rude or they left a dirty room. Guests can be rude. Guests can be rude. We're tired. We don't want to lie down.

Or maybe in America, because you're meant to tip housekeeping. Yes. Like, did you know this? Like, you leave a dollar or two on your bed every day for the housekeeping? I've never done that. It's like a thing. Yeah. Yeah.

I was told that recently. But when we were recently there, that when we checked in, the person said, oh, we can't get the staff back after COVID, so we'll only be fully servicing your room once every three days. Oh, yeah. If you need towels or something, let us know, though. I was like, okay. Man, a big family to be in there.

Did you get a discount for that? Nah. That's just the new norm, baby. Well, maybe they didn't tip it. This hotel manager said she had heard of staff that had taken people's toothbrushes and... In the toilet. Yeah. Get out. Rubbed them around places they shouldn't have been. that had taken people's toothbrushes and... In the toilet.

Yeah. Get out. Rub them around places they shouldn't have been. Yuck. That's not good. Yeah. What, so put them in the safe with the passports? Well, just, I don't know, put them in your toiletries bag and zip it up.

But if they're that sort of vindictive person that'd open up the toiletries bag. Well, you'd think so, yeah. Well, you're not there. It's pretty vindictive. I don open up the toiletries back. Well, you'd think so, yeah. Well, you're not there. It's pretty vindictive. I never know what to do with my retainer. Because at home, I've got a specific mug that each morning I take it out and put it in the mug. Yeah. When I'm in a hotel room, I'm always like, do I get one of the kitchen cups and put it in there?

And then if the cleaner comes, are they going to tip it out? Yeah, right. But then also, you're putting that in a manky cup. Yeah, I know. Because those things aren't cleaned properly either. there and then if the cleaner comes are they going to like tip it out and be like ooh but then also you're putting that in a manky cup because those things aren't clean properly either but you don't want to get your retainer out and just put it raw into the toilet bag. So she posted this on TikTok and people kind of

yeah excuse me like I've never even thought about that. No. I'm hiding my toothbrush after this. There's only a few things I'll hide. Also other cleaning staff jumping into the defence saying well I never touch people's stuff. No of course they wouldn't. I think it's a rare

thing. Just don't take your toothbrush on holiday. And don't use the kettle in hotels or motels. No. Just yuck. Because I'm this, I literally was in a hotel this weekend over in Australia and I did, I dropped my bag off

and I was like, I'm just going to take five minutes. Jumped on the bed, shoes on. Yeah. Did you leave that weird little thing at the bottom of the bed? Yeah, I left the strip.

Yeah. Like a throw. That at home would be a folded blanket but at that, it is literally just a strip. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There's no doubt that more and more people are not rushing to have kids

or are really, like, taking time to consider it. It's not a given anymore that people are going to try to bring a laugh into the world. I'm having a huge stock of kids just to get my religions numbers up. Yeah, right. You know, if a religious war breaks out, the Catholics need their numbers. That's why you're going my part. You've got 15 at the moment, don't you?

15 children, yes, yes. Only two of whom live with you, though. Yeah, well, the other 13 are with other women. Yeah, right. Because I'm raising them for the Catholics, but also the Mormons. Right. He pays his Jews, so don't worry.

Yeah, no, Jews, I'm not a Jew. I'm not Jewish. No, no, so dues. Oh, dues, I was going to say. Yeah, he pays his dues. Why, what have they said? No, no, no, they haven't said anything. No, they didn't say anything.

Just that, you know, you're... When this holy war's coming that I've been promised, that it's costing me a fortune in raising the Lord's soldiers of tomorrow. The Lord's soldiers of tomorrow. I mean, is Is anyone surprised though? I mean, it's hard enough to feed yourself and, you know, your partner as it is. Yeah, and we might be dead before

all of the ice caps are gone, but they won't be. Do you know, as someone who's never wanted kids, the environmental or the sort of more global aspect of it has never really been that big to me in terms of my decision was around other things more selfish reasons but now it's like you it does pop into my mind i'm like far out imagine

yeah anyway so there's been uh a big study down down in britain and this is for gen z's and millennials 18 to 34 year olds yeah a quarter of them have already ruled out children they're like no no i hope they're ready for a lifetime. It's just a no. No, not the men, but I hope the women are ready for a lifetime of, you know, looks like, are you going to?

I thought you were pointing to my genitals being a lifetime of like, what? Give it a time. Give it a time. Give it the breasts up. Comments from, you know, family members. Oh my God. Are you going to have some kids?

I did see I went over in Melbourne and visited one of my closest friends and she the baby was not even four weeks old yet. Fresh. Cute. Joyful. Happy. The love was in the air. The milk was in the air.

Was it not crying? It was not crying. It like grizzled at one point yeah and that is that when you left no it was when the toddler came out and was like yay and then i was like oh man i'm knackered i might pop off actually but even just like see i mean i know it's beautiful but yeah i just have no desire for it and i'm not alone i mean that's quite that those are quite high numbers because i feel like it used to be a lot smaller but But now it's like, I don't know, women can do so much more and we've got other things to focus on like ourselves and Bali. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I don't want to be a kid to Bali. Who's going to watch it while I'm getting rubbed? Yeah. They'll watch it for a few extra dollars during your rub. But it's still going to be a rain. You can't go to the bar. Yeah, I know.

And then, yeah. Because my friend had a couple of glasses of bubbles with me. Because that's what we do. And then afterwards, she was like, no, now I've got wine tits. And I was like, what do you mean? She was like, her baby, Ruotoki, wanted milk. And she was like, God, now my tits are full baby Ruotoki Was like Wanted milk And she was like God now my tits are full of wine

Right Isn't the best time Isn't the best time To have a drink Is while you're breastfeeding? Oh really? Yeah because they get The good stuff

And then By the time they're ready again It's gone Oh okay Yeah I don't know And I'll never have to know My breasts will always

Just be fun things for me Always got wine tits I've always said constantly I have to know. My breasts will always just be fun things for me. I've always got wine tits. I've always said constantly. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. The FIFA Women's World Cup's happening right here. Yeah.

In New Zealand. Did you guys see the prices at the FIFA World Cup in Sydney, Australia? What was the price? The prices for the see the prices at the FIFA World Cup in Sydney, Australia? What was the price? The prices for the food and stuff at the stadium. Now that doesn't surprise me. I think it might have got attention because I don't know if stadium food in Europe is as expensive. Right. So everyone was like, huh? What?

Oh, yeah. Like insane prices. The chook pack, $65.50. Are you getting a whole chook for that? Better be two whole chooks. You go to Woolies or Countdown. You go get a bachelor's handbag on the way there. What, $10, $11 on Spish?

Will Eden Park let you bring in a bachelor's handbag? They don't need to know about it. It could be in an actual handbag. It could be. Well, that's true. Shove it in my pants. Yeah. What? Have a hot chook in my pants. Yeah. What?

Have a hot chook in my pants. Oh, the juice gets warm. The juice gets hot. You don't want them when they've just come out of the oven. You'll burn your foo-foo. You would. You need $30. $30?

30 minutes to let it cool down. The Spanish FIFA World Cup team. Yep. They were also the ones that, when they arrived, made an apology for mocking the haka. Oh, yeah, they did. They did an online, like a TikTok or something, mocking it. Yeah, mocking it.

They were like, sorry about that. We didn't really know. And then it was all like, all good. We're under the bridge. Speaking of which, shout out to the Wallabies. Did you see their response to the haka? Man, it ruled. It ruled to watch it live.

What a boomerang. Yeah. Sort of an offering. Yeah, that was cool. It was respectful. So now the Spanish FIFA World Cup team has put their foot in it because apparently they have left their Palmerston North-based training facility due to boredom set in amongst players

and their families on a free night out, and they have left the city early. The lack of things to do in the area have taken its toll. Families, including some players' children, are staying with the squad as part of a pre-tournament agreement with the Spanish Football Federation, but along with the players, have found there's very little to do, especially in the evenings.

That's just not true. Plenty of pubs. The Spanish spokesperson said, we would never forget our days in Palmerston North. Whether or not that's good or bad, not sure. Well, the mayor's come out with the usual. I saw a great headline on New Zealand. Oh, man, I wish I could remember the name.

The New Zealand version of the Batuta Advocate. Oh, yeah, okay. Said, the Palmerston North mayor brushes off the old great place to raise a family. Yep. Fantastic. Well, I'm going to type the top six reasons. Palmerston isn to raise a family. Yep. Fantastic. Well, I'm going to type the reasons, the top six reasons. Palmy isn't boring at all. Yeah.

At all. At all. At all. Number six on the list. Boring? It's got to papa. No, that's Wellington, babe. Is that not Palmas the North?

That's like 90 minutes away. Okay. It's a close, but no cigar. Okay, no, no, no. I've got five more. I've got five more. Top six reasons Palmy isn't boring at all. Dull? It's got close, but no cigar. Okay, no, no, no. I've got five more. I've got five more. Top six reasons Parmy isn't boring at all. Dull, it's got Kelly Tartans.

No, no. Who's got that then? That's Auckland. That's Auckland. That's way up north. That's hours away. At least. Well, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, because I went with an old man into a bunker and looked at some eels when I was in Parmins and North. Is that not Kelly Tartans? No, he's still there. I've told you to stop going into bunkers with old men. You're promising to look at their eel. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay.

How much was the admission to the bunker? I got more. He just wanted to touch my bums. Nellie, Nellie Balton. Nellie Balton's eel cave. Famous Palmerston North Nellie Balton. Nellie Balton Okay Famous Palmerston North Nellie Balton Nellie Balton

Number four on the list Of the top six reasons Palmy isn't boring at all Monotonous How dare you What about that cool thing They've got called The Shot Over Jet

Oh mate You're getting further And further away Is that not Palmerston North No that's Queenstown Yeah But I would dare say They would have something

On the Rangitike nearby. Yeah, probably. When I say probably, I've literally done it. Yeah, they do like whitewater rafting down there. Do they have to dodge that road that keeps falling in?

Yeah, constantly. God, that bloody... Should never have built a road there. I'll say it. Number three, people won't, but I will,

I'm not afraid to say it. That seems like a very poor place to have built a road in the first place. Number three on the list of the top six reasons Parma isn't boring at all, it was called uneventful. What about the geothermal mud pool in the adventure playgrounds? Oh, Vaughan. You've just, did you, is your laptop working?

No, that's Rotorua. Or you're going Taupo. It's around there, isn't it? Isn't it? It's still a while away. Okay, okay. Well, this one you can going topo. It's around there, isn't it? It's still a while away. Okay. Well, this one you can't argue with. Number two on the list of the top six reasons.

Palmy isn't boring at all. People come from all over the world to see this. So don't you dare call it vanilla. What about palmilford sounds? Palmilford sounds. Palmilford sounds. Wow. No, I've never been.

I've never been to those. I've been to milford sounds. Yeah. Palmilford Sounds. Par Milford Sounds. Wow. No, I've never been. I've never been to those. I've been to Milford Sounds. Yeah. Par Milford Sounds. Right. No, just Milford Sounds. Is it next to the bunker? Well, it was the same guy as the eel bunker.

He's like, you ever heard of Par Milford Sounds? I can't check out my sounds as well. Yeah. Okay. Right. Okay. Well, I mean, there's no arguing with this one. It's number one on the list of possibly the biggest tourist attraction in New Zealand.

So don't you dare call Palmerston North insipid because not everywhere has Hobbiton. Oh, well, definitely Palmy doesn't. Was that not Palmy either? No, it's Matamata. Geez, you can see where the Spanish football team left. It's got nothing to do, especially in the evenings. That's today's top six. Play. team left. It's got nothing to do. Especially in the evenings. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM. Something Vaughn always says to us. When I die, clear my browser history. I've got a device linked directly to my heart and when my heart stops beating, this device sends a message

and a hot magnesium core burns straight through my computer's hard drives. All right. Well, you might not need to do it. It's like a spy movie. Yeah, a little bit conspiracy theory, a little bit spy movie. It's suspish though, mate. If your wife walks in and sees your computer has been eroded. Yeah.

She'll assume it was a power surge. We live on two faces. It's very weird. This is true. Well, there is a browser called Opera GX, commonly used for gaming. Right. They've got a new feature, I guess like a plug-in or, you know, like your add-ons called Fake My History,

which will replace your questionable internet searches with wholesome content after you die. Like pictures of puppies. Yeah, man. What's wrong with looking like puppies? And flowers full of daisies. Flowers full of daisies. The Swiss Alps.

Yes. Her best brownie internet recipe. One pan. I don't want to use more than one pan if I'm making brownie. Yes, one pot chicken pasta. Yeah. So the way it knows if you're dead is if you're inactive for 14 days. But you could be on holiday for 14 days.

Yeah, you literally just not be on your computer for that. So anything, X-rated content, conspiracy theories, anything that's a bit embarrassing, it'll just go and it takes care of your little dirtiness. Yeah. And after 14 days of inactivity in which it then assumes you have deceased, it clears up. That's actually quite funny, isn't it?

Yeah. Unless your family log on when you die before those 14 days are up. Yeah. Do you think you could set it? Could you set it to be like two days, three days? Two days? What, so every two days it thinks you're dead and clears your history?

What if you found a good video and you want to remember it? That's just if you haven't been on in two days. Yeah. But then you could go away for the weekend. Maybe make it three. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's, yeah, it's like a little add-on thing. So even things like if you looked up lingerie, it said a Lara Croft body pillow. Yeah. Okay. It just randomly said a Lara Croft body pillow. It says the Lara Croft body pillow. They have looked up a Lara Croft body pillow. Who wrote this article? It says the Lara Croft

body pillow. They have looked up a Lara Croft body pillow. Yes, they have. And they're replacing it with... Which Lara Croft? PlayStation 1 Lara Croft.

Very pointy. It wouldn't be a comfortable... Nothing wrong with a pointy boob. No, like hers was a straight pyramid tip. Yeah, you want a voluptuous body pillow.

Yeah. Hang on. You want... Lara, is your body pillow going? Fantastic. Thank you very much. I'm going to need a new pillowcase because those are so thin. Because we got our body pillows at the same time,

not Lara Croft body pillows. I got my Lara Croft body pillow after. Oh, right. Okay. I'm just looking at a body pillow. Yeah, they're just very thin pillowcases. It's going to need a new pillowcase soon. What are you rubbing on it?

Are you humping it? No. What are you rubbing on it for? Why are you rubbing through a pillowcase? It hasn't worn through, I'm just saying. It's a thin pillow. It's a thin pillowcase. Where do you get the pillowcases for these body things?

Well, it comes with one. And then so when that dies. You need to get some made. Yeah, maybe you do. You need to get a custom seamstress. Or a seams them. Seams them or seams person. I don't want to say seamstress. What is a male seamstress called?

A seamster. What is a seamster? A seamster. I guessed and got it right. That's what you call those kids that were always like, you know. Those are seamsters. Seamsters. Seamster.

Okay, not very good with, I did throw a pillow at them once, I had a couple of pillowcases please and they just were like, whatever, dork. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poe. Today's Silly Little Poll is about moustaches Have we done a Silly Little Poll about feral mullets? Like those real shaved sides and just like

straight down and just these long glorious 80s mullets. I don't know if we have. I saw a young boy, a young boy in Melbourne Airport yesterday. It was phenomenal. Like blonde and it was so shorty, a bit of a fringe and this huge mullet at the back

and he kept walking around like shaking it like he was fringe, and this huge mullet at the back. And he kept, like, walking around, like, shaking it, like he was really feeling himself. Yeah, yeah. So many kids at my daughter's school have got the mullets. The mullet. And, like, feral mullets. And then I was driving through Hellensville, just wild west, west, west, west Auckland.

Yeah. At the weekend I saw three lads. They all had feral mullets. Yeah. Wispy moustaches. They would have been, like, late teens. Yeah. Feral mullets, wispy moustaches. They would have been like late teens. Feral mullets, wispy moustaches, pit viper sunglasses. Oyst.

A bush shirt of some sort. Like a swan dryer, like a long shirt. Teamed up with short shorts so it doesn't look like they're wearing shorts. And then gumboots. And all three of them were wearing it. Different colours, different vibes. But like that was the uniform. I was like, what a combo.

Feral. Well, so Little Punk today isn't dealing with feral mullets and moustaches. Just moustaches. Yes. But the two do go together hand in hand. Moustaches. Love them or not for me? Love them, 26%. Not for me, 74%.

Do you think people are going to be surprised by this? I'm surprised by that. Because they're rocking their moustache. They're like, I look great. I love a moustache. I wonder how many people... Or just a beard. Do you love a moustache with a beard or just a moustache?

I prefer a moustache with a beard. Yes. See, that's just a beard. That's just a beard. That's a beard. No, but a good, like a... I'm trying to look at a good celebrity one. Well, producer Jared absolutely shocked by these results.

Because how long have you had your moustache? Oh, almost, maybe two years now. Year and a half, I reckon. It's thick. It's big. It's definitely been all the rage for the last few years, hasn't it? It's not quite pretty thick. No, not quite pretty thick, but I'm working towards it.

It's not pretty long. Are you, did you think more people like mustaches? Are you shocked by these results? I really thought more people would like it. No, women don't like mustaches. Women don't like mustaches. Men like mustaches. The men who always compliment other men on their mustaches, they're like, dude, that

is a thick stache. Yeah. But women are like, eh. Vaughn, have you ever had, because you grow good solid facial hair. I have had, oh, there was some time facial hair. I have had, it was sometime in the pandemic, I shaved it just down to a moustache. And I loved it. And Sade did no.

Didn't you have a dirty? Had a handlebar. Handlebar. And then shortened it to just your traditional dad stache. Yeah, I remember that now. Big, big dad stache. Have you ever rocked anything other than a clean shave? No, he won't.

Well, he had a goatee in 2005. I did not have a goatee. He had a full goatee. No, I've tried a beard. But you've got a good fill. Yeah, I could grow a good beard, but it gets itchy. I don't like it. You haven't grown a good beard.

You could, but all the time I've known you, you get a little bit shadowy, but then he's just like, oh, get rid of that. No, I think the longest I ever went was a month. I'm saying if you want to graduate to full daddy, I think the longest I ever went was a month. I'm saying if you want to graduate to full daddy. I'm just going to say daddy needs a beard.

I love a clean shave. There's nothing better than a razor clean shave. Also, people get as confused enough as it is. If we both had beards then it would only be worse. Oh my God, and then me.

Bring me in the mix. Yeah, another beard. At the social media desk, girls, how do we feel about moustaches on guys? Not for me. Wow. Right beside him. Right beside him. these social media girls, how do we feel about moustaches on guys? Not for me. Right beside him.

Shannon? I'm here for it. Oh, really? Yeah, Love Island, you know, like the Aussie look, the one you're talking about. Yeah, I can get behind it. Yeah, I got you. Does your man have a slug? Nah. He's pretty clean shaven. No, he's a magician. He's got a full goatee. Oh, yeah, yeah.

With a point. He hides cards inside it. Yeah. Is it called a Fu Manchu? Is that what that is? Is it allowed to call it a Fu Manchu? I don't know. Definitely not. I think you're cancelled. Yeah, well, it was fun. What are the people saying? Becca said, with a beard, yes, but on its own it's a no from me. Yeah. It's a no

from me. Just because you can grow one doesn't mean you can maintain it. You've got a moustache, you've got a responsibility, says Kat. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's true. Yeah, you've got to look after the stache. Catherine says they can either be sexy as hell or dot, dot, dot.

Yeah. My dad has always had a moustache. The idea of kissing a guy with a moustache makes me think of pashing my dad. It's an absolute ick for me from Tash. Pashing my dad. That you an absolute ick for me from Tash. Pashing my dad. That you're automatically taken to pashing your dad. Oh my God.

We haven't talked about one of the, oh no, he's kind of got a bit of a chin going on. Pedro Pascal has a really good moustache and a very small chin.

he's got a great moustache. That's hot. I love him, don't get me wrong. He can do no wrong, but his facial hair is terrible. Do you think? He's like in his late 40s and that's the best He can do no wrong But his facial He's terrible Do you think?

He's like in his late 40s And that's the best he can do It's a bit patchy Yeah real patchy No Yeah Gillian says If they're well groomed They can be stylish

But seriously Give me a big Full beautiful beard Jesus Christ Spit it out Smith It's alright Jared Pickstock Sounds like a hell of a nice guy

He says I demand my own moustache photo shoot, followed by a redo of this poll. Unbelievable. Stop messaging, Jared. I think we should take a photo of Jared's and put it up on our social meds, and we can vote whether it works. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's a good moustache. No, people won't pander. They'll just be like, no, I don't like it. And then you're going to be like, against me specifically, they're going to put it on. Let's just build a moustache for them on a whole. Does your girlfriend like it?

At times. Hello. Sometimes it tickles. It doesn't, babe. It doesn't. Do you know who's got the worst moustache? Justin Bieber. Oh, yeah.

He couldn't buy a moustache to save himself. Madeline says, I'm going through a phase of finding guys quite hot when they have a moustache, but I'm not a fan of kissing ones. I'm not on my own, man. Oh, okay. What?

She's finding it. Oh, okay. So she doesn't want to kiss them, but she's got a man. So she'll find one with a moustache that's hot and then she'll make him shave it off. And then kiss him. And then kiss him.

I don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, says Rachel. We work with someone with a massive moat. The whole thing is just terrible. When they eat, when they blow their nose, it's just no. Oh, yeah. But you get snot in it. They are funny.

Just looking at photos of them suddenly, I'm like, it is, it's a slither of a beard. They're so wild. But they're all the rage at the moment. Yeah, and I mean, 26% of people like them. The rest are like, no at the moment. Yeah, and I mean, 26% of people like them. The rest are like, no thank you. Yeah. I'd say beard or not.

Beard or no mo. Full, yeah. Yeah. Full on, I go. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I forgot to read up how to describe this because we were so... We're really in a deep, deep chat. We're in a deep chat about another thing. We can talk about it now and talk about glimmers next.

Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that because... I think it's really good to educate yourself on areas that you don't know, and that's what we're trying to do. Always, constantly. We can't do it here. No, we can't.

We can't really do... But we can talk about what got us into talking about that. Yeah, we've got a group, one of our group chats that you're in, Hayley. This was our New Plymouth weekend. There's a group of, what's there, 14 of us? Yeah, something like that one of our group chats that you're in, Hayley. This was our New Plymouth weekend. There's a group of, what was there, 14 of us? Yeah, something like that. In the group chat.

And it's just kind of since the weekend, it's just carried on. It's reactive. Hayley, it's 7 past 7 on a Monday morning after being mute in the chat all weekend at a thumbs up, Mike's called her out on it. Don't you start contributing now. That was a mistake because I've scrolled back to try to see what I missed. Because it's a hell of a... So Saturday night

I'm lying on the floor pretty boozed. I'll say I was pretty boozed at home. I'd been making some margaritas and such. Delicious. And had a big day and just decided to celebrate.

And this chat was just eye-opening. It was what everybody was up to. You'd say educational, Vaughn. Varmly educational, yeah. Shade couldn't believe it where Shade and I were like, because we were at home, but she's in the chat as well, debating aspects of the chat, which I've just had clarified. Thank you

for that. So one of the members of the group chat was at a party. At a house party. Now this party was full of ogres. Is that what that spelling means? It's an ogre-y party? Ogre-y? Just leave it at that. Okay, we'll leave it at that then. Yeah, but it was educational.

And so we were just chatting about, we were like, oh God, sounds like some people in a wild weekend. And Hayley's like, what? I know.

I said, and I accused her straight out. I said, you've muted the chat. Because this content is exactly, this is in Sproul's wheelhouse. Oh my God, I would have hum, hum, hum it up.

Yum it up. So, and when she wasn't contributing at all. You were in Australia, but I was like, she's definitely muted the group chat. In fact, some of this could be in the next season of Sex.Life, this group chat. It deserves its own podcast.

Maybe. To be fair. I know, I have muted the chat. When did you mute the group chat? I would say almost all of my group chats are muted. Aaron's family, darlings, you're muted. What about our work chat? Sometimes I mute you.

I can't believe how much this team chats outside of work hours. If I'm going to mute a group chat, I'll just leave it. No, no, no, no. I never mute a group chat. I like to catch up. It's just not when I'm in another space. So if I'm busy, like on Saturday night, during this time is when I was in the studio,

so I muted everything, you know, so it wasn't. But Disturbed Me, I didn't take it off. And now I've had to scroll back pages. But that's what Do Not Disturb is for. Yeah, I know. I never do it. I just always mute certain things. Oh, no.

So, yeah, that's a Do Not Disturb situation. What if someone I know has an accident? Well, then you So, yeah, that's a do not disturb situation. What if someone I know, you know, has an accident? Well, then you can set it so that they can call through straight away. What, so I've got to pick who I care about? Yeah, you do. I've got to pick. And then I'll go back. If I come out of a do not disturb and there's a chat that's been popping off

during my sleeping hours, I'll put it on unread. I'll be like, Mark is unread. And then you can read it later. Yeah, because then I get so wound up by that I've it on unread. I'll be like, Mark is unread. And then you can read it later. Yeah, because then I get so wound up by that I've got an unread message or that little notification saying that. So I'm going to really prioritise sitting down and getting back over that. Right, okay.

And catching up on it all. I can't believe you've done this. Now one of my other group chats that Vaughn's in but Fletch you're not in has just messaged saying, have you muted us? No, this one's not muted because it's got buzzed. What group chat is this? It's the QMU Gun and Meat Club. Oh, right.

Well, I'm not in that because I don't live in that neck of the woods. You're not in it. And also... Have you muted that chat, though? No, that one's not muted. How does she pick and choose? That one's less active. It's a much smaller group, though.

Yeah. It's a much smaller group. Wow. The New Plymouth one will pop off at any time of the day because of the vast amount of people in it. Yeah, because Aaron's in the New Plymouth chat, but he doesn't partake. He's a lurker.

He's a social media lurker. He's a voyeur. He is a voyeur. He might do his voyeuring Saturday night's activities, but he might want to pop back. What colour was he wearing, you know? I don't know. I'll unmute.

It's hurtful. I'm just saying it's hurtful. No, you're unmuted. You're unmuted. I'm't know. I'll unmute. It's hurtful. I'm just saying it's hurtful. No, you're unmuted. You're unmuted. I'm going to say to the group. The damage is done. I'll leave a voice message. For those listening live, hello, New Plymouth group.

You've been unmuted. And I apologise. And I apologise to everyone. Because you've hurt them. And I've hurt you and for that I'm sorry. And thank you so much for allowing me to catch up on what happened over the weekend. God, I'm scrolling back. It's a real novella.

We really got into the reads there. I don't think that sounded sincere if you listen back to that. I just don't think it sounded sincere. I don't think this is sincere. Now, Aaron has seen all of this and he didn't even mention it last night. Now, this is something that we could have chatted about. He was probably too busy harness shopping.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Glimmers is a term you may hear in the upcoming days and then we'll be after a new word to be like, I do this now. Well, glimmers. What? I glimmer.

I'm glimmering from now till Thursday and then I'm going to be after a new buzzword. Then I'll be shanking. No, that's taken as prison. A bit prison-y. Or it could be eating lamb shanks. Oh, yeah, what are you up to tonight? I'm going to be shanking.

Shanking on some mashed spud. Got to have mash when you're shanking. Absolutely. Thick, meaty gravy. There's a little glimmer. Yes, it was. I just had a glimmer. You did good.

Explain to me glimmer. So this article that I kind of got it from says that, you know, on big significant life event days, graduations, job promotions, marriages, your children being born, you expect to feel happiness and content. And then you've got things like holidays and parties and, you know, things you've been looking forward to, concerts, trips, et cetera.

But what about in between? You might feel a little lull in the happiness. Yeah. You know, you might have the, what is it, the monkey on your back, is that what it says? The dark dog sneaking in. Yeah, I get that sometimes. Or just maybe you've been doom scrolling or just the world at the moment.

I get it after a holiday, like post-holiday blues or post, we used to call them post-tattoo blues after big trips, marching trips. And then you'd be like, now I've got nothing to look forward to. I thought you meant you got a tattoo at a dodgy place and it got infected. It went all blue. You have a couple of those as well. Post-tattoo blues. Well, these are described as the opposite of triggers.

Triggers are little things that can upset you due to maybe past experiences or traumatic events. So these are the opposite. So you've got to identify what your glimmers are. Mine was just describing and thinking about a deliciously slow cook. Yeah. So it's all the things that you love or appreciate. Glimmers are. Mine was just describing and thinking about a deliciously slow cook. Yeah. Or shank. So it's all the things that you love or appreciate.

Yeah. Okay. And so what, you have to see them or smell them? It could be a song. It could be one song that always reminds you of something and makes you happy. So it could be having that song, willing to chuck on. Yeah. Could be a smooth rock, in which case next time you see a smooth rock, grab that smooth rock.

Yeah, right. Just in a riverbed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I be a smooth rock in which case next time you see a smooth rock, grab that smooth rock. Yeah, right. Just in a river bed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I go to smooth rock. Like when you're looking for the ultimate skimming stone. Yes. And then you find one and you're like, I want to keep you, but boy, you're going to bounce six or seven times. Yeah. So what,

you're looking for these things or you're just thinking about them? You know them and you identify them so that if you need a little pop, need a little pop up. Yeah. Feel good. It's the opposite of the trigger,

which is kind of like out of nowhere makes you feel bad. This will out of nowhere make you feel good. So what, just kind of appreciating things. Yeah. And looking for positives in things. Yes. Okay. Right.

I'm all about it. What would be some of our glimmers? You're not allowed to say booze That was literally me popping a bottle I was going to say When you get the cork That first sound I'm about to have a glass of wine

I think they've got to be more wholesome Or can they just be anything? I think they can just be anything I'm sorry It couldn't be like Your crack boiling in the teaspoon That's not good. Maybe we're trying to aim for something more wholesome.

That's why I was thinking maybe booze isn't a good idea for a glimmer. What about a sunshiny day? Yeah, yes. What about a feathery duvet on a sunshiny day? It could be like clean sheets. Oh, yeah. But that's a bit of a pre-plan, you know. You've got to have a bit of a pre-plan for that

to get that going. I think it's got to be more spare of the moment. What about getting an ingrown toenail out? Yeah. But then you've gone through the bad to get to the good. Yeah, it hurts. God, I need some glimmers. What about

that's my inbox. Moochie's having a sale. No. I mean, that's my inbox, Moochies having a sale. I don't know, that seems more materialistic. Right, okay. I don't know, that could be a glimmer. No, but I don't think it's meant to be materialistic. What about this? That's me opening up a sweet and sour nuggy sauce.

I mean, I guess so. That's a glimmer. I and sour Nuggies sauce I mean I guess so It's a glimmer I had some nuggies last night It could be yogurt, I like yogurt Not as much as I like nuggies Read in the details of this story I can't help but feel like this woman's been ripped off There is a mum

And I will say the hashtag Mormon was in this post. Someone shared on TikTok. Mormons have to hashtag all of their anything's Mormon so that the Mormon church can go through and be like

hello sister Soraya. We're going to need you to take that down. Soraya? Yeah. Sister Soraya? Soraya. It's not the sis. Creams for it.

No, it was hashtag Mormon things. And it said it was a cake and it had 100 on it and candles. And it said when your mum pays your sister $500 for going on 100 dates with 100 different guys before getting married. What? So the mum said to the daughter, I will give you $500 if before you choose your husband, you go on 100 dates with 100 different men, then you can choose who you want to go, who you want to be with.

And also Mormon, so not selling the deal. Yeah, no, no, no. Just date. Goodbye. Was mum paying for the dates? I guess you could say after the first date, she had 499 more men to go on dates with. Wait, how many guys?

100. Oh, 100, not 500. Yeah, but 500 dates. Didn't you say? No, no, no, no. 100 dates with 100 different men. Oh, you're going to have to do that. $500.

Oh, $500. That was right. I thought she had to go on five dates with each man and then move on to the next one. No, no. Or 500. Okay, I guess after the first date, you could say she is. Hang on, he's just going to do the joke again.

Reset, reset. This isn't live, is it? This isn't live. No, no, it's totally pre-recorded. So we'll keep it. Go clean and then pause. Do you want me to count you in? Yeah, give me a three, it? No, no, it's totally pre-recorded. So we'll keep it, go clean and then pause. Do you want me to count you in? Yeah, give me a three, two.

No, with beeps. Oh, beeps, please. Beep, beep, beep. Oh, the last one's got to be a long beep. No, I thought the last one was silent. Did you want an action? It goes beep, beep, beep. Okay.

And then I go on the end of the beep. Okay, all right, I'll beep you in. Beep, beep, beep. Okay. And then I go on the end of the beep. Okay. All right. I'll beep you in. Okay. Beep, beep, beep. I guess you could say after the first date she had to go on 99. One more time from the top. And again. Lucky we're recording this.

From the top. Okay, the top. Beep, beep, beep. I guess after date one she had 99 more mans to go on dates with. That was great. Date one, she had 99 more mans to go on dates with. Jared, are we able to add some more laughter? Can we double down? Can we go again? Maybe if we can get their mic up.

Right. To add some laughter. Great editing. I don't need to say my line again, but maybe after the long bit we all kind of laugh. And we'll edit that together. Yeah, this will all edit together quite well. Okay, but maybe after the long bit we all kind of laugh. And we'll edit that together. We'll all edit together quite well. Make it sound genuine.

It was a very funny joke, wasn't it? It was pretty good. Beep, beep, beep. The more man. That's really good. I know, I thought of that on the spot. Really good. But that's $5 a date. That's really good. That was really great for you guys. I know, I thought of that on the spot. Yeah, that was really good. Yeah. I think, right.

But that's $5 a date. That's... Or from the mum, but then, like... Tuppence. Who's paying for the dates, though? I know, like, and that's the problem. I mean, that's why a lot of people are just going on dates with people to, like, I don't know, on a hike or a yoga class or something at their gym because it's free and it's cheap and... Dude...

Dates are expensive. What's to say 50 dates in, you find the guy, but you're like, how, $500, so I'm going to have to go on 50 more dates with dudes, but I will circle back. Right. Yeah. And then at 75, it happens again. Apparently it's a Mormon thing to not go

on frequent dates with the same person. So they wanted in an event to make many... Mormons or more dates? To make friends. Sorry, did you want to get that clean? If we can go that clean just to make many. More men's or more dates? To make friends. Sorry, did you want to get that clean? If we can go that clean. Just one more time.

More men's, more like more dates. I reckon we could just click and drag the same laughter from earlier. I'll delete that out. That's great. I'll probably delete that out actually. Yeah. Anyway, I mean, God, that's a lot of dates. More dates than I've been on.

I guess the thing people have the issue with is mum is bribing the daughter with a bit of cash. Exactly. So we wanted to know when did your parents bribe you? Because I've been bribed by my mum. A lot of parents will bribe for exams and study. Like if you pass these, you know, like five exams, you get $100 an exam.

Yes. Or you get a new Mercedes, Tiffany. A Mercedes, Mum. That was nuts when kids were promised cars for exams. Like ridiculous. Mine was before I knew that I had polycystic ovaries, when I first, you know, when I was a teenager, late teenager, 17, whenever my, because in a regular cycle,

my mum would always be like, she's pregnant, she's pregnant. And I'd be like, oh, my God, Mum, I'm totally a virgin. And then one day she took me out. We had this really nice day together and she, like, bought me a dress. We had lunch and stuff. We were in the car and she was like, did you have a nice day? I was like, it's such a nice day. She was like, great.

Can you do a pregnancy test for me? And I was like, what? But where was the bribery? With the presents? With the dress. She was like, well, I got you bribery? With the presents? With the dress She was like Well I got you something nice Now you can do something for me

Wow Anyway And my gift to her Was that it was negative It was negative Okay yeah right But That is wild

Crazy I remember it so vividly Okay well we want to know This morning 0800 dials at M Give us a call Text through 9696

Did your parents ever bribe you? Yeah Was it for exams and study? Okay, well, we want to know this morning, 0800DARLS.M, give us a call, text through 9696. Did your parents ever bribe you? Yeah. Was it for exams and study? Was it to do better? Was it to date? Or was it even to dump someone? You know, like parents will be like that. Get rid of it and I'll give you 100 grand.

Yeah, if you get rid of this boyfriend, we'll pay for your flights to Europe for your OE. I'd do it. No, because then you're sending them to bloody Europe and Europe's full of scumbags. Yeah, but they're hotter scumbags. Yeah, they're hotter. And you might be able to get an Italian passport. Is he going to bring us like Nonna's family spaghetti recipe?

Absolutely. You know he is. Package deal, man. This guy says okay. We are talking about when you were bribed by your parents because there is a Mormon mother who bribed her daughter to go on all these dates before choosing the one to marry for 500.

But 100 dates, like, I get 20. Yeah. Oh, my God, 100. It took her a few years. It took her two and a half years. Stuff that. So we want to know when you were bribed. Did she meet anyone after those?

Doesn't say. They were just celebrating that she'd hit 100. I need to know when you were bribed. Did she meet anyone after those? Doesn't say. Oh. They were just celebrating that she'd hit 100. I need to know. I need to find out. Follow up, please. But we want to know when you were bribed by your parents for whatever means, for good or evil.

A lot of people have. Catherine, what did your parents bribe you for? Morning, guys. Morning. Good morning. My parents bribed my sister and I. We'd been on our restricted licences for over 10 years. Just couldn't be bothered, you know?

Yeah, I was a bit slow. And my dad approached us one day and said, I'll pay you each $1,000 if you just add old half and go and get it. Oh, my God, $1,000. That's decent. I would have booked in that day. Yeah, I did. And did you pass the first time?

Because I failed. Yeah, no, I passed first time, but my sister took two or three times. So it was a running joke for a while. Yeah, you're the more advanced one, obviously, Catherine. Did you have cars and stuff, or did you just become more of a liability? Because now you've got the ability to drive whenever or wherever you like, but you still don't have a car, so you were just taking their cars. Oh, no.

I was in, like, my late 20s. Oh, how embarrassing. How embarrassing for you. You were in your late 20s. And you were in your late 20s, and you were bribed into something by your parents. Oh, God. But still paid $1,000, so.

Yeah, I would have taken the $1,000, 100%. Yes, I. Catherine, thanks. You're called Callie. What did your parents bribe you for? Okay, well, so it wasn't my parents. It was my brother-in-law. He bribed his daughters.

He's got two daughters. And he said that if they didn't get any tattoos before they were 21, that he would pay for their flights and the first month's accommodation for their OE. Oh, that's a good deal, man. Five star? Or just hostel. Business class, of course.

Business class, yeah, 100%. No tattoos just until you're 21. That's not hard to wait. No. Was he worried about it? And one didn't. Oh. Really?

And did he hold out? Did he stay true to his word? Well, she hasn't been yet, so we'll just have to see. Right, but he's going to do it. So what did the other child, she was just like, oh, I'm getting tattoos, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Do you know what the tattoos were?

Yeah, she's got quite a few now. Oh, right, okay. Are they a bit like... Is that because there's that way he wanted them to wait? No. If it was up to me, a 14-year-old man being allowed to get a tattoo, I'd add, like, Tasmanian Devil. Yeah.

Or Cartman from South Park. South Park tattoos! Yes. I'm a guest. I'm a guest. Kelly, thank you for your call. Some messages in. When I was 11, my mum paid me $1 to pull the fingers at a bus driver.

What? While in my private school uniform. Naughty. What's most mumble? When driving along, mum, what are these? Sort of an emerging situation. Yeah. Rip the fingers of that bus driver, will you?

Yeah, and they're like, no. I'll pay you a dollar. I'll give you a dollar. I'll give you a dollar. I love that. My partner's dad paid him a thousand dollars to take his stretchers out of his ears.

Now those are those holes that everybody had. I feel like everybody regrets those right? Yeah man I've had so many friends who've had them stitched up.

But I saw someone recently with quite a big one in and I'm not subtle I was just looking at it and you know when someone's like looking at your eye level but to the side you can tell

and there's a, oh yeah. Pervs all the time in my right. Pervs, oh my god, constantly looking at my ears. Yeah, always on the little lobe and the guy was like oh yeah, still got that in and I was like, I just was looking because I haven't seen one for a little while. That's worse!

I haven't seen your out of date fashion No, no, no, he was like it's only in there because I haven't seen one for a little while. That's worse. I haven't seen your out-of-date fashion. Yeah. No, no. You're lame, style. He's like, it's only in there because I can't afford the surgery to get it fixed. Yeah. Oh, really? I don't love it.

I'm not in love with it anymore. But, like, what am I going to do? Take it out and have a big floppy air hole? Yeah, and it'll get caught on things. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to just keep it in until I can afford the surgery to get it fixed. Wow. I was like, oh, that makes perfect sense. How much is the surgery to close a lobe hole?

A gaping hole. A gaping hole. I had a friend who had like real big ones back in the day and they can't do much. They just snip it off and then stitch up the bottom. That's all they do. Oh, no. They just reattach it.

I have a friend who's had just little, little ones and she just got it tightened. Yeah. It's like when you'd break a handle on a plastic bag, you know, your only choice was to just chuck a knot in that handle and hope for the best. Yeah. Yes. Very similar to it.

We bribed both of our children with $1,000 each for no tattoos, no drinking and no piercings. They both collected the money. No drinking. Yeah, they drank the whole time. 100%. 100%. And their genitals are riddled with piercings.

Yeah, yeah, they just did them in hidden places. They've got nine piercings down the shaft. It's like Isaac's ladder down there. Taylor Swift, who is touring the world right now. I thought you were going to try to explain to us who Taylor Swift was. I was like, I look forward to you. She sort of started in like a country realm. I did see a funny clip the other day that was like,

she just decided to drop this accent, did she? And it was an old video of her in like 2000 and whatever. And she was like, howdy, y'all. Oh, I'm so pleased to be here. All right. We're just going to stop doing that, are we? Well, she was in Seattle in the United States performing her amazing concert that everyone's obsessed with

and no one could get tickets to. And the dancing that was done in the stadium with all of the audience created seismic activity, the equivalent of which is a 2.3 magnitude earthquake. Right. So it registered with the local seismology

seismologists. And then they said that like, I mean every now and then they said that they might get like a 0.3 from a massive football game or da da da da. This was a 2.3. So I'm just on GeoNet because I was like, MMI scale, is that the same as the Richter?

You really ask the wrong people. MMI scale graded the effects of earthquake into 10 steps. MMI scale. I don't think so because they would just say the Richter. The modified Mercalli intensity scale. Thank you to all the geologists joining us this morning and absolutely having a meltdown at the radio. We appreciate you and love you.

It's a seismic intensity scale invented by Giuseppe Mercalli in 1902. Right. It measures the effects of an earthquake at a given location distinguished from an earthquake's inherent force or strength as measured by the seismic magnitude scales. So a two, it's saying, is unnoticeable or weak. Yeah, like a small earthquake, but an earthquake. Enough to like set off a Richter scale.

So the previous record was the 0.3, which was done by the Seattle Seahawks football game, right? Which you'd assume a football game, there'd be more people jumping up and down. So many. But I guess you do that at a concert as well. This was 2.3. And the way that they discovered it,

because obviously they look at the seismic activity every day and track it, like what was that? What happened there? And the 2.3, it was over two nights because she was there for two nights and it was identical in the time. So they're like, this is the explanation for it. it's like the stadium of people and you've seen videos of people at taylor swift concerts they go crazy beside themselves it was like when shannon went

to harry styles but like that on crack on crack yeah that's, singing, like the whole thing. The Mercalli scale measures the effects caused by... I'm deep now. I mean, this is me for the day. The energy caused by the earthquake. The Richter scale measures the energy released by an earthquake. The Mercalli is purely observational. The Richter uses a seismograph. Right.

Calculation of the Mercalli quantified from observation of the effects on the Earth's surface, humans, objects, and man-made structures. Right. So, like, that, though, is the equivalent of, say, like, when Melbourne or England are like, oh, we've had an earthquake. I know. And you're like, oh, what was it? They're like, it was like a 2.4. You're like, okay. Okay, cool.

Thanks. Dude, we're rocking sevens. We're rocking sevens over here. Anyway, I mean, that's amazing. It just goes to show, like, how incredible she is, how popular she is. Yeah. And what an amazing concert it is. That none of us got tickets to.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I was in Melbourne this weekend filming the Aussie version of Have You Been Paying Attention? Which was a very fun time. And then yesterday I flew home. And I don't book my flights on these things. You get booked by a travel agent on behalf of the company. And they just send you over and send you back?

Did you know that the All Blacks were playing in Melbourne? I did not. Would have been heaving. Would have been heaving. I got into the Koru Lounge. I flew Air New Zealand on the way over. And I remembered they do cocktails. And I was like, I'm going to have a cocktail.

Why not? Before my flight. And I went over and the bar was heaving with whole groups of people. Right. Lads weekends. Lads weekend. A lot of boys. A lot of the boys, boys, boys on my flight.

It was nice though. And it would have been a fun weekend in Melbourne, I'm sure. For them. And then on the way home, I had like kind of a weird flight I've never taken before. It was nice though and it would have been a fun weekend in Melbourne I'm sure. For them. And then on the way home I had like kind of a weird flight I've never taken before. It was on a really small plane.

Not a 343 but just a 33. Oh you mean the seats? Yeah. I was like because there's not a 343 like a Oh no no no.

I know that you know the nerdy names. No no no. I mean the seats. Three seats, four seats, three seats. That was on the way over.. Three seats, four seats, three seats. That was on the way over.

This one was just three seats, three seats. So when I checked in and had my ticket and it said E, I was trying to do the maths because sometimes on a 343. Did you pre-select your seat? I'm not a member of this airline. You don't have to be. You just log on to your booking and sort it out. No, I didn't. Okay, so this sort it out. No, I didn't.

Okay, so this is on you. No, I didn't. No, I know. This is how you get the middle seat, by being unorganised. And because of the All Blacks game, like all flights in and out. Packed. Packeted. Right.

Packeted. And you were coming home, you left at 3pm. New Zealand time. It was 1.20. Right. 1.20 Melbourne time. I had tired All Black supporters coming 1.20. Right. 1.20 Melbourne time. So there would have been some tired All Black supporters coming home. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I got in like late. The whole day sucked actually. Yeah. And I'd been out the night before with my brother and I wasn't feeling like a hundy. How was Sam? Sam was good.

Sam's really good. Thank you. Good to hear. Sam and Nina, we had a good night. They took me to a party in Melbourne and they're musos and designers so everyone was so cool. Everyone in Melbourne's always so cool. Yeah, I wasn't cool

man. I was like, I had TV makeup on as well so I looked really dolled up and they were all like natural and cool. I had like false lashes on, you know, it was a bit much. We were wearing little French berets and cigarettes and stuff. Yeah, everyone was having little, yeah, little like skinny cigarettes and like fancy drinks. I think there was a bit much. We were wearing little French berets and cigarettes and stuff. Yeah, everyone was having little, yeah, little like skinny cigarettes and like fancy drinks.

Bonjour. I think there was a bonfire. It was a bonfire in Melbourne? It was wild. Anyway, so yesterday I got to the airport and because I'm not

a member of this thing, there's no lounge access or anything, so I parked up in this little... Oh, are you okay? Honestly, it was really scary. Thank you.

It was really hard. I had to pay for my own drinks. I sat at this little restaurant and I put my laptop up and I put Love Island on. Oh, yeah. And I ordered some pork shumai and some edamame and a cider. Yeah. And I just sat there and I had a nice time.

And then I was like trying to keep an eye out because in my headphones I can have a function where you bring the noise of the room in. And so I had that as it started getting close to boarding time. Boarding time actually came and went. And I was like, well, they'll like, I'll hear it because it'd be boom, boom, boom. This is very Vaughan Smith behaviour.

This is very Vaughan at an airport. No, but I was listening to every single boarding call. Boom, boom, boom. Malaysian Airlines, boom, boom, boom. Air New boarding call. Boom, boom, boom. Malaysian Airlines. Boom, boom, boom. Air New Zealand is going boom, boom, boom. Da, da, da, da, da. And I was like.

Where was your boom, boom, boom? No boom, boom, boom. So I just kept watching another episode of Love Island. I was like, here we go. It's getting really gritty. We're nearly at the end, guys. Yeah, yeah. Now Mitch is really making a mess.

Mitch is really making a mess. The last few episodes, Mitch has embarrassed himself wholeheartedly. The girlies are nodding in agreement. It's rough. Yeah. The real twist is it wasn't an island at all. It was a peninsula joined by a very thin isthmus. Wow.

And it's a set, isn't it? It's a set. And it's all a set in a studio. Anyway, so then the time that the gate was going to be closing came and went. And I was like, oh my God. Well, I sort of need a pee and I've finished my food and I've finished my episodes. I'll just pack up

and I'll meander to the gate and I'll just wait around there a little bit. And then I get there and all I see is two airline workers looking at me and then I see on behind

them my flight and it said closed and I was like oh shit and I ran and I was like I didn't hear any I didn't hear any boarding call they're like we've been trying to call you and I was like I don't have my New Zealand sim card in so it wasn't my phone number.

So they were like calling your phone. Yeah, to be like, where you at? And then, yeah, they let me on the flight, but the plane was not happy with me. I believe the words, the, what is it? The offloading process has begun. Oh, okay. That's when they're finding your bag in the hold.

They're trying to find my bag. Yeah. So did you have a checked bag? Yeah,loading process has begun. Oh, okay. That's when they're finding your bag in the hold. So did you have a checked bag? Yeah, I had a checked bag. If you didn't have a checked bag, you wouldn't have got on that flight.

No, I know. I know, I know, I know. Because they have to literally go through and find your bag. And sometimes they don't, but I panicked about the weather

and so I just shoved all this stuff in the bag. Anyway, I got on the flight and I was so flustered and so annoyed that I hadn't been bong, bong, bonged to give me this thing. So I was already like, and then everyone was looking at me and I felt like, whoa, whoa.

You stood up and looked at me like that. Anyway, my seat was at the back of the plane. It is the only empty seat. And I get in it and I have to make this poor lovely woman move. And then she comes in and I was like, sorry, sorry. And I've got this bag and it won't fit in the thing because there's no room. And I was like, put it by my feet. And I pulled it in and tried to shove it by my feet

but the bag was too big and I got in and I just said out loud, man, these seats are effing tiny. So loud. Because the whole plane was not talking. They were just waiting for you to get on. They were collectively very upset with me. How late were you? Well, I got on the plane with 15 minutes before it was due to take off.

Okay. It's very Vaughan Smith-lax behaviour at an airport. But why didn't they bing bong? No bing bong. It's more of a bong bong. Qantas paging Hayley Sproul. No. Why not?

Well, you were listening to Love Island. But you heard all the other bing bongs. I heard all the other bing bongs. Okay. But I didn't get a bing bong bong. Either everybody bing bongs or nobody bing bongs. You can't half a bing bong. And this is one of those gates where it's like 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.

And I'm on gate 3. You know? And it's one of those ones that's like kind of like here and then here, like a tuck around the corner. Right, okay. But I was hearing all the boing calls, and I go bong, bong, bong. And then I swore, and I was really hot the whole flight, and then they had already taken the elbows. Oh, they had elbows.

Yeah. You deserve the elbows after holding up the plane. Yeah, I know. Sorry, everyone on Qantas Flight 153. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This is cute. I'm going to do this. I'm going to actually do this.

A lot of the time I read these like dating ideas or date night things or games and I'm like, blech. This is a way of what? Spicing or keeping things fresh. Keeping things fresh because sometimes maybe, you know, you've been dating for a long time, you've been together with, you could be married or whatever, and your dates might either stop happening or just be like, should we just go to the same place? Is this something that you can do when, like, you know,

the cost of living and everything's expensive? Like, does this have to be? It's adaptable. Okay. It's totally adaptable. It's called alphabet dating. It's called alphabet dating. It's huge on TikTok. 100 million views, 107 million views currently.

Right. And rising every day. Okay. The alphabet date night is basically like, say you make a commitment to go on one date a week with your partner. Then you start at A, and the thing you do on that day starts with A. Oh my God.

Asbestos removal. Okay. That is so romantic. I knew you could ruin this. That is so romantic. B. Backyard cricket. I was going to say let's go to Barbados.

I was going to say let's go to Bunnings. Oh, yes. Okay, that would be a great date. C. Curling. Curling. Oh, yeah, see. Okay, that would be a great date. See. Curling. Curling. Yeah, that's good. Probably only if you live in, like, central Otago at the moment.

But still, the thoughts there. Curling's not available for everyone. Or you could do it down the hallway if you've got no carpet. No, you could do it at, um, I've done it at bloody Paradise Ice. You've just got to... Oh, yeah. I don't even tell the skaters anymore. I just launch the girls.

Heads up. And then just run down with a broom going, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, bloody paradise ice. You just got to... Oh, yeah. I don't even tell the skaters anymore. I just launch the girls. Heads up. And then just run down with this broom going, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep. But you could also do this. I wonder if you could do this with like, even if you say you're at home and you don't have money to be going out and whatnot, that you could do it for like dinner night.

So you've got to have a date night. We're going to cook dinner. A, I'm going to make you... Aubergine. Some aubergines. Otherwise known as eggplants. Yes. B, apple pie.. We're going to cook dinner. A, I'm going to make you some aubergines. Otherwise known as eggplants. Yes. B, apple pie.

I don't want to spoil it. And then apple pie for dessert. Yeah, beautiful. And some artichokes. You want to make it artichokes? You have to do something like that. B, we're having burger night, baby. What do you do when you get to Z?

Zebras. Or, yeah, no, you don't want to go to the zoo because you don't want to pay the money. What do you do for a date that's a Z? Z date night ideas. Or you go to the Z petrol station. Zap. Just get an ice cream for the Z.

Or zap each other. Oh, yeah, well, at a lazy hair clinic. Oh, my God, there's one of those tennis rackets that you whack flies with. Yes. And then you go zop and you whack them and you just zap each other. You can do a games night

and every question or something they get wrong you zap the little zap. You get a little zappy tennis racket. This is good. There's a website that does ideas. Okay. It's called beingmummy.blogspot

so I really apologise for the reference. But you go to the zoo, you could go ziplining, you could do a zombie movie marathon. Oh, zombie movies, yeah. You could do a zombie movie marathon. Oh, zombie movies, yeah, yeah. You could do a zombie class. You could do some zorbing. You could do a zero gravity flight simulator if that's around.

Is this okay? We've all got zero gravity flight simulators hanging around. Do you not have one in your basement? I don't even have a basement. This is what we're doing on B night. We're digging our basement. Yes, for the zombie apocalypse movie night and the zombie apocalypse. Something like that.

You could do a sexy zoom. Like go in one room. Oh, okay. Go in one room. Those are some good ideas. I didn't think there'd be that many for Z. Kids, kids, get off the internet. I'm trying to sexy zoom your mum.

Yeah, I know. We can hear you. X Games, you could do some extreme sports. No. They're doing dumb ones. Exercise. Oh, okay, yeah, so, okay. Exhibitionists.

You could go to, like, the radiology clinic and get x-rays, a couple of x-rays. Yeah, you could literally go and waste their time. You could waste Mercy Radiology's time being like, hey, I've just had a triple accident. I've hurt my arm. And then when they're there, do like a little half heart like that. And then your partner comes in and is like, oh, my elbow.

Half heart. And then join them as a picture. As a whole picture. Oh, my God. X-ray date night. X-ray date night. Don't tell me radiologists haven't done X-ray date night. We were boning. Because of the bones. Because of the X-ray date night. Don't tell me radiologists haven't done X-ray date night. We were boning.

Because of the bones. Because of the X-ray. Oh, yeah, yeah. X-ray. Been X-date night. Boning. Boning my wife. Yeah.

You could do X-rated things. Yes. Okay. X-rated. That's a good idea. I think this is a really good idea. So you're going to do this for food or? Where do we get up to with dates?

Date D. Demolition traders. Digging. Demolition traders. So you're going to do this for food or? Where do we get up to with dates? Date D. Demolition traders. Digging. Demolition traders. Have you ever walked around demolition traders? Yes, cool. Great time. Yeah.

There's doors and shit. Where do these come from? I'm going to start this. Follow me along on my journey. This week, A. Aaron. She just winked. She just winked.

I don't know where she's winking at. It's A. It starts with A. Date night. We're going to go art. You're going to be putting this on your Instagram? Yeah, watch my Instagram. I'm going to do outfit day day.

Someone's getting banned from Instagram. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day most common amputation in the United States Leg Fingers Fingers Oh, of course Digits

About 30,000 people, kids and adults Are rushed to emergency rooms in the US each year Because they've amputated their own fingers Oh, of course. Your digits. About 30,000 people, kids and adults, are rushed to emergency rooms in the US each year because they've amputated their own fingers. I was going to say, is it because Tony, you owe Tony a bit of money? We're going to take a finger. I'm going to take a deposit. We're going to take a finger.

Now you do it. You're going to take a finger. Yeah. This is us as the mob. I'm really good at voices Hey you owe us money Yeah You don't give us the money Get him

What we gonna do Fletch Get him Fletch Fingers They call him fingers I'll take your finger He's gonna take your finger When he says he takes a finger He's gonna take a finger

He's a mad man What you gonna use To chop off their finger It's gonna take ages There's a blood on his It's gonna take ages Man, man, what you going to use to chop off their finger? Scissors. Scissors. It's going to take ages. There's a blood on his. It's going to take ages. Guys, don't.

You know I'm not good at voices. Hey, you did really well just then. Thank you. You really embraced the character because you were a little bit reluctant. I know, yeah. That makes you even crazier. That's fingers, man. That's fingers. That's why they call me fingers.

He does it with blood scissors. Don't be disturbed. It's going to take ages. This is why I don't have sharp knives, man. It's fingers. That's why they call me fingers. He does it with blunt scissors. Don't be disturbed. It's going to take ages. This is why I don't have sharp knives, though. You know, I just let my knives go blunt. Well, who knives are sharp? You've got the Smeg collection. Yeah, but no, they used to be way sharper.

This is knives on the list of the top two finger removers. Moe the lawner. Moe the lawner. Moe the lawner. Mo the lawner. Mo the lawner. You mean lawnmowers. Sorry. Did she just, she had a stroke live on air. Lawnmower.

You know, mo the lawners. Lawnmowers. Hello there, I'm just after a, a mo the lawners. Well, lawnmowers might actually fall under one of them. Power tools is the number two finger remover. Okay. What is the number one finger remover? Is it the mob?

The door? It's not the mob. It's not all fingers. Jamming in a door. It's doors. Just jam it off. It's doors. You think it's scissors, that one?

Wait till you slam it in a whole wooden door. Wait till you meet Captain Doors. Old door. Well, Fletcher, you can't get it off with the scissors. Get doors. Scissors? You snipping off a finger? You mean Captain Doors. Oh, Doors. Well, Fletcher, you can't get it off with the scissors. Get Doors. Scissors? You snipping off a finger? Yeah, it's not going to work.

Doors, Doors. Oh, yeah. Like, I've had my fingers jammed in car doors. And once at primary school, we were playing Batman and Robin, and Lindsay Masters ran in behind me. I was Batman. I was making a hasty retreat. Batman's in above retreat.

Lindsay, you're Robin. No, Lindsay was Catwoman or something. She was the bad guy. And I ran into the toilet and booted the toilet door shut and her finger was in the door. And I just remember seeing the blood like leaking immediately down the door and I was like, oh no.

Well, you won though. Batman won. We've got a bat problem. We're going to need the bat amputation. We've all had that feeling when eh, when you're like that. Tracy's Bookshop in the 90s is what I did. We literally left the doctors. I had a urine infection.

They're like, come back. I'm like, right, I'll go to Tracy's Bookshop. Jammed that, came back, was like, oh. I now heard you do things. Of the blood, like, down your sleeve, eh? Tracy's Bookshop. Tracy's Bookshop in Eastbourne Village. Didn't have a slammy door.

Very slammy door. A very slammy door. They did not have a piston on it to slow down the... No. No, this was like an old village shop. In Windy Wellington,

you've got an exterior facing door without a... Wow. Should have sued Tracy for everything she's worth. Might do it retrospectively. Taken from her.

Wow. Well, today's fact of the day is the number one remover of fingers in the United States of America is doors. Fact of the day,

day, day, day, day. Yeah. There is a woman in Virginia who has received more than 100 Amazon packages she didn't order. A hundred. Over a hundred. Whose name? Does it say, is it her name on the packages? No.

No. No. I don't think, it doesn't even say what the name is, but they're not hers. Okay. And in them is,

at this point she's received about 1,000 headlamps, 800 glue guns, and dozens of pairs of binoculars. What? Like, not even.

So she's opened the stuff. Sorry. So it does say it was her address, but the name, which is not her name. Okay. She doesn't know the person. Yeah. So it'd be like someone like Carl Badudgudigen.

Yep. And then my address. You'd be like, oh, what the hell? His name is Minington. I wouldn't open that. I wouldn't. But then... I 100% would. So she's opened it all. Well, I think because they just came and came and came and came and came. They didn't all come in one go.

They just started arriving. How many? A hundred? Yeah, over a hundred different boxes. Separate boxes. Oh, that would actually become, like, one or two, you'd find that funny, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, a hundred, that's now a problem for you to deal with. You make my porch look ugly.

Yeah. You know, and I put a lot of effort into the porch. This is literally a whole room of your house. It's now a storage room. So she said, we initially thought it was a brushing scam, referring to a process in which an online vendor creates fake sales of their products to artificially inflate their

numbers. So what, so more people buy their products on like an Amazon store? Yes, you'd see it and be like, man, it's got heaps of reviews and they've sold heaps, so I get it. So they just send it off to someone else. But it's not that? There's nothing. And now Amazon's trying to get to the bottom of it. There was a name on the box and they're trying to like find

out who it is. What is it? Because if someone drops something off and then it's gone, someone like Amazon would just write that off, right? Yeah. And then they'd just send you your stuff again. Well, the account's been closed on behalf of Amazon. Right. And so what, she gets to keep everything?

Yeah. That's wild. But then what's she going to do with, what did you say, a thousand binoculars? She said people think that she's crazy because she drives around with them in her car and anyone she sees, she's like, you want one of these? You want a glue stick?

You want a glue stick? Are you doing some crafts? You want some glue stick? Local schools, just go and be like, you guys want some glue sticks? Oh, yeah, just donate it. Yeah. And then the bird watches, they could have binoculars. I'd sell it.

I'd on-sell. You could sell it to a market store. It sounds like it'd be cheap crap, they could have the binoculars. I'd sell it. I'd on-sell. You could start a market store. It sounds like it'd be cheap crap, though, like a lot of it. You could call it Hayley's Nockly, Nocklers, Nockulars. Hayley's Nocklers. Hayley's Nocklers. Yeah. Now that sounds like something way more fun.

And then people are coming over for another look, except then they get their own binoculars. Boop, boop. Yeah. But everyone's like, oh, yes, you opened someone else's mail. Which is illegal, right? According to the Postal Services Act 1998. We've got a Postal Services Act?

We sure do. This is as subset 23 unlawfully opening postal article. Every person who commits an offense against this act who willfully and without reasonable excuse opens or causes to be opened any postal article. So that that's like oh no it's falling open and you're just shaking oh no oh no i slipped and my fingers slid down right through yeah if it's not addressed you every person who commits an offence under subsection one is liable on conviction to imprisonment for not more than six months you're're not going to jail. Six months? They're not putting you in jail. But what if you open someone's power bill?

Six months in prison. No more than six months in prison. You just get a warning, right? Or a fine of no more than $5,000. Right, so you get a fine. Because when we took over our house, or when we moved, I tried my best and I did a redirection thing. And then when that ran out, our old neighbour was like

oh, a couple of things have arrived. And then I sorted them out. But the people we bought our house off just have made no effort apparently. So it's... None. And so I collected it all and we had their contact details for a few questions we'd asked. And I posted off a big envelope full of their mail.

And then they still hadn't done anything about it. We did the redirect and as the mail arrived, we changed it. It hadn't been changed. That's what I thought. You know the URD, that's what most... Who take your TAX. Yeah. And that's how that is.

One's an acronym, one's a word. Yeah. URD, who takes your TAX. They're the ones that were the most useless. Really? We're not at that address anymore. Listen to me! Don't.

They screamed at the taxman. I screamed at him. I just chuck out my old, the old owner's mail now. Yeah, fair enough. I'll get a vivid and write return to sender and then,

yeah, and then you just sing the song, return to sender and then I'll just chuck it in a post box so you don't put a new stamp on it

and then if it keeps coming, that's actually how I reply to my nan's birthday cards. Return to sender. I just put return to sender and I open it. I take out the card and I put in something for her and then I put return to sender. Great, we're getting twice the price and half the post.

All free mail. It's genius, actually. Wow. And then you start writing on, like, they're that useless. Start writing on stuff like they're dead now, return to sender. And then that causes them problems. But it's their fault for being useless. I just don't even bother.

I gave you an opportunity to change your mail. You just chuck it out. I just chuck it out. Okay, I want to know is there anybody listening that has got a juicy parcel or like a juicy looking letter

like, you know, like a card or present and you've just kept it. Yeah. We're not going to knock on you. You're not going to prison. You know, Uber Eats at the wrong doorstep. That's free food, right?

I'm eating it. That's free food, right? I'm eating it. No one's going to pick up your Uber Eats that's delivered to the wrong porch, right, after 20 minutes because, yuck, they could have touched it. Yeah, no, no, I'm eating it. Oh my God, if someone delivered it to me, even if it said my neighbour's name, who I know, I'd be like, oh well. It's mine now. Sorry, Dave and Lisa. You sno eating it. Oh, my God, if someone delivered it to me, even if it said my neighbour's name, who I know,

I'd be like, oh, well. It's mine now. Sorry, Dave and Lisa. You snooze. Sorry, guys. Dave and Lisa will get, we'll give them a free one, right? Yeah, yeah, they'll see us across the fence.

They'll be like, man, we're starving, British. Yeah. We're absolutely starving. I'd be like, oh, my God, that sucks. I haven't eaten this Spanish as a little boy. Yeah, I'd be like, man, we've got beautiful Thai food over here. Yeah.

Is it, is it, is it Thai ice melt? Yeah, it'd be like, man, we've got beautiful Thai food over here. Is it? Is it? Is it Thai ice melt? Yeah, it's only enough for two. Poor Lisa and Dave. We love Lisa and Dave. Give us a call. 0800 Dials at M. The text number is 9696. Have you opened someone else's mail? Have you been, has it

been delivered to the wrong house or to old people that live there? Yeah. And did you keep it? What was it? What was it? What was it? Completely anonymous. Oh, yeah. No, no. We promise we will not send you to prison. Or fine you up to $5,000.

Oh, can we get money out of them? Let's do that. Yeah, we'll fine you. Okay, we promise not to extort you. So there is a woman in the US who has received more than 100 Amazon packages. Yeah. Mysteriously, with boxes of crap, she's opened them. She's opened them and she's just giving them away to her mates

and just having a good time with some glue sticks and some goggles. We want to know if you've opened somebody else's mail. And, wow, okay, there are some bad people out there. Some of these are unreal. One of them's made me absolutely scream. One of them will land you in prison. Hermione, good morning. Did you open someone's mail?

I did, I did. But, like, we just had to do it. It was, we were living in London in a flat there, you know, full of Kiwis. And there's, like, a really high turnover with people coming and going. Yep. And it was actually during COVID. So, you know, we were pretty bored.

Yep. But we received a letter in the mail, and it had a handwritten front, and in capital letters with, like, underlining, it said, please open. What's it? To this guy who didn't live there. Right, okay.

You know, so I was just following instructions, like, it really wanted to be open. It was right there. It was right there. It was begging of you, Hermione. Yeah. I was just doing them a favour. Yeah.

Anyway, we opened it up, and it was a handwritten letter, and it was quite a frantic letter. So it was a mother of a daughter writing to the daughter's ex-partner, and this was obviously the last known address of this guy that the daughter had dated. Yeah. And the mother was saying to the guy, oh, like, I know that my daughter left you for

another man, but you were really, really the best thing that ever happened to her. She's in a really sticky situation. Everything's gone wrong. Please, please, can you get in contact with me and I'll tell you what happened. Like, my daughter would be absolutely, she said, my daughter would be mortified if she knew I was reaching out to you, but please, please get in contact with me. Oh, my God. Please tell me you wrote back to her.

Yeah, no, she put her number in the letter. And we just had to find out what was going on. We really wanted to know what happened with the daughter. Yeah. So I texted her and just said, hey, look, I'm really sorry. I opened the mail because it looked like it was very urgent, but I just wanted to get in touch and let you know that this guy does not live at this house anymore.

Like, it's got a really high turnover of Kiwis, and, yeah, we definitely don't know who he is. Hermione, you damn fool. You should have got a mail in the house to ring her and be like, hello, it's me. I'm calling to find out what happened. Did she spill the beans, though? Did she tell you? It's me, like, hello, it's me. I'm calling to find out what happened. Did she spill the beans though? Did she tell you? It's me, Jason.

Yeah, it's me. Yeah, so she then told us everything that happened. And this is pretty inappropriate. I'd be so annoyed if my mum ever did this. She told us that she told us that the guy that the daughter had left this guy for had convinced her to move

back to Australia with him. And I think it was some kind of visa situation. So he needed a partner to get back into Australia. And they paid all this money for the visa application and everything. And then when they got there, he got another girl pregnant and then just left this girl, never to be seen again. So just completely disappeared and this girl was

back in Australia without her man. And obviously, you know, calling her mum, telling her how upset she was. And the mum had just taken it upon herself to be like, right, I'll... I know what will solve this situation. Another man! Oh my god! A fire I'll get the father back. I know what will solve this situation. Another man! Oh, my God.

That's it. Oh, my God. A fire burned down our house. The only thing is to light another fire! Wow. That's like a real-life drama all in a litre. Yeah. I know.

So we had this guy's first and last name, and we knew that he had lived in this house in London. And so we were like, the mum was messaging us back, being like, can you help me find him? And we were like, well, look, we've got Facebook. So we'll do this next week. I love this. It got totally out of hand.

We were so, so bored in COVID. And we weren't able to find him on Facebook. And in the end, I just had to end the conversation with the mum and be like, look, we've done as much as we can. We're out. Peace out. Have a good life. I'm so sorry.

This is a movie. This is a movie. Have a good life. This is a movie. It's a movie. It's a movie. It was so bizarre. I actually ended up coming back to New Zealand shortly afterwards because it was COVID and I kept the letter just because it was so interesting.

Oh my god. I know it's only Monday, but are you thinking the same, B2? I think I am B1. Who am I? You're like the rat. You're the rat. There's no B3.

I'm sorry. There's no B3. We've only got two sets of pajamas, bro. I don't even get to be the teddy bear. I've only got two sets. I don't even get to be the teddy bear. You can be one of the teddy bears. You can be one of the teddy bears.

I can be the rat on bananas and pajamas. Hermione, we're going to hook you up with a $50 McCafe voucher for being our corner of the week. Yeah, for sure. Oh, yay. Hermione, one last question and it's what everybody wants to know.

What came first, you or the Harry Potter character? Me. Yes. No, I'm 30. I am the original. She's the pre-Hermione Granger

Hermione. But now you have to put up with people saying, why are you named after Harry Potter? Yeah, guys, it happens every single time I meet someone new,

so I'm not surprised. You're used to it. You're used to it. I love it. That's juice, Sam. Wait, juice, Sam? That's juice, so that is... Thanks to our friends at McCafe, Caller of the Week.

We'll take more texts and calls next. Caller of the Week, Monday morning. Wow, we haven't even finished. There was so many messages to get through. A woman in the US has had over 100 mysterious Amazon packages, and she's just opened them. And we want to know if you've done this, if you've opened mail that wasn't for you.

We just have such an amazing story. We'll point out it is illegal and that you shouldn't do it. We're not encouraging it. We're certainly not, but it appears people do. And it was probably a good thing, Anonymous, that you opened this package because what was inside? Anonymous, that you opened this package because what was inside? Anonymous. Yeah, there might have been a bit of a patchy phone line.

Are you there? We're here. Oh, yes. Okay, what was in the package? Let's do it again. It's doing it again. Little fish that you put in your fish tank. Oh, it's a fish.

Live fish. Let's do it again. Let's do it again. Little fish that you put in your fish tank. What? It was a fish? Live fish. Box of live fish, and then the fish tank was separate. Wow. Because you got a whole aquarium set up for free because it was the dress of somebody else. You can't post fish, can you? Couriered. So I ran out.

I was half-dressed, and he left it on the front door, and I ran out half-dressed, screaming to stop him because I was like, this isn't for me. You have to take it back. Please don't leave me with these fish. Did you raise the fish? Full-blown commitment phobe there.

Lots of cats. Oh, no, no, no. You fed the cat. You fed the smorgasbord there. Have you ever seen those videos? There's so many videos online of cats and fish bowls and fish balls falling over. Oh, yeah.

I love that. Cats falling into the aquariums. Anonymous, thank you. Message is in. We used to get a company's bank letters saying they were going into liquidation. I hope they figured that one out for themselves. Jeepers. I accidentally got delivered someone's large adult fun toy.

It was delivered at Christmas. I was getting lots of boxes, so I just opened them really without reading. And when I opened it, I was like, oh, I don't think this is for me. Yeah. And then checked it was a different name, but my address. Don't say no until you give it a try. Yeah, once you've opened it, it's yours now. Oh, yeah, you can't.

And if it's big enough, finders weepers, losers weepers. Yeah. Everybody's weeping. My address is, that's in the top drawer now. Well used, well used. I opened my boss's mail. I was allowed to. It said it saved him time. And a letter came from the IRD, and I was like, oh, this is just IRD. I opened my boss's mail. I was allowed to. It said it saved him time.

And a letter came from the IRD and I was like, oh, this is just IRD. I opened it up. It was about his child support payments. Now, he had a partner but no kids at any point. Scandal. Sorry. So closed it up, handed it to him, and neither of us said anything about it ever. Yep.

When I was a paper boy up every morning at 5.30 delivering the papers, I started opening people's mail. You can't do that. Scored them a people's mail. You can't do that. Scored a Makita toolkit. You can't do that. $50,000 worth of Makita. Jeepers. And it was the best at Christmas time because Christmas cards had cash in them. You can't do that. Somebody rang up and they hung up, but producer Jared

told us they would get the money, it was like in different currencies out of the letter, they'd hold onto the letter for a couple extra days, steam it open, get the cash out, change it into New Zealand money, halve it,

keep half for themselves, put the other half back in. Oh my God, that's a whole system. That's genius because then you're technically not stealing from anyone. No, you're just taxing someone

as opposed to stealing. I think that's what stealing is. You can't just like, oh, this is a bank taxing. Wait, so the government's stealing from us? No,'t just like, oh, this is a bank taxing. Wait, so the government's stealing from us? No, well, yeah, but they're doing something with it. Okay, right.

Bloody hell, I've seen a few bloody youths with a few bumper stickers on the back saying the government are bloody stealing from us, though. Maybe they're onto something. Stealing your brain cells. I am a receptionist. If anything arrived at work without a name promenade, I would open it so I could work out who it was for. One time I didn't read it.

I just opened it up. It was an adult fun toy. It was addressed to a straight man, and it was a traditionally female toy. Now, he may have had a part in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe. Once a checkbook got delivered to our house. When I was a nosy little kid, I opened it and started writing $1 million checks

and giving them out at school. A mate asked for some blank ones. He actually tried to cash it. No! So then the police got involved for fraud. Even though I hadn't done it, I had handed them out. So I got in trouble and went after that.

I never did. I got sent three handbags from Italy. Prada, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton. It was addressed to us. However, we didn't order it. Look at Hayley's face. It's literally jaw to the floor. I'll never buy one.

We did order some gloves, but these arrived instead. Oh, boo-hoo. So you've had a mail sorting error in your favor. Wow. Yeah. Can the people that received our case of red wine during lockdown please phone in? I don't think you're ever getting that. Hey, guys.

Apparently being the company's most successful podcast isn't enough. They want us to tell people to tell more of their friends. So people are clearly liking it, but we have to tell them to tell others to like it. I would concentrate more on the shitter podcasts that the company makes. Yeah, same. You know, the real losers out there. Same. No, no, no, we'll just...

Yeah. Maybe we won't say nice. Maybe we should even encourage people to listen to other podcasts that the company makes. Yeah. No, but only after ours. Yeah. Nah, nah, don't do that. And not more than ours.

Yeah. Give us a sexy little review, though.