ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 31st October 2024

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

Shannon's gay sheep farm Vaughan's car incident Top 6 Change cards in Dunedin Monopoly   Pre-sex NDA's Professional Baby Decider How obvious/dumb was a cheater? SLP - Is 'The Movies' a good first date? Shannon's Hack Whittackers recipe news Is your house haunted? Fact of the Day Vaughan's Pubes Hayley needs to clean her carSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchvaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Fletchvaughan and Hayley. Thanks Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletchvaughan and Hayley, watch those meth lollies. I actually found one.

Did you? Yeah, I think I found one rattling about in my car. Right. We're in my car. Right. We're in for an electric show. So you've got to go for some premium wrapped lollies. Wrapped. Yeah, some good chocolates. Some Cadbury favourites.

Yeah, nice. Pre-wrapped. They work a treat, don't they? Imagine if you were trick-or-treating and they whipped out a basket full of Lindet balls. Oh my, that's nice. Well, I think that's what happens when you go trick-or-treating in they whipped out a basket full of Lindet balls. Oh my, that's nice. Well, I think that's what happens when you go trick-or-treating in the rich areas. Remuera. Lovely.

The top six is coming up to Needenvorn is getting a monopoly. Yeah, who thought they needed that? What, are you jealous that Morrinsville doesn't have one? Morrinsville would just be All the cows Oh yeah

I think all of the things All of the ones you Collected would be the cows Embarrassing The Presbyterian church cow Tamed up with the Information centre cow Just on the road

From Somerville Panel and paint cow Yeah Next to the top pub The top pub would be The biggest one on the Or would that be The new world

Maybe That's a very good question. I don't think you can fill a whole board, to be honest. I could put this to the Morrisville meeting that we have. Just make it out of cardboard and crafts. Do it on one of your

teacher-only days. Well, I've got the top six chance cards in Dunedin Monopoly. Oh, great. It's coming up in the top six. We'll have another chance for you to win this morning at 8 o'clock. Go in the draw to get to New York for five nights and check out the iHeartRadio Jingle Ball. 8 o'clock, listen now for the activator.

Next on the show, I just want to say we have a sheet in front of us and it sort of maps out what we're going to talk about on the show. In this first break here at 6.07, Shannon's Gay Sheep Farm. When you weren't here, I was not here. Shannon pitched a story for the show today and both of us went, that's so stupid.

If you really want to do it on the show, you can talk about it. So next on the show, Shannon's Gay Sheep Farm. I look forward to hearing about the gay sheep farm. Yeah, because you grew up in a farm, you must show, Shannon's gay sheep farm. I look forward to hearing about the gay sheep farm. Yeah, because you grew up in a farm, you must know all about the gay sheep. Do you know later in the show we've been promised a Shannon's hack

as well. Oh Jesus. Play Zed M's, Fleshborn and Hayley. Cross now to the producer's booth to enjoy a tale from Shannon Trum about a gay sheep farm. Yes, world first. Okay. Is it? Yes, yes, yes, yes sheep farm. Yes, world first. Okay.

Is it? Yes, yes, yes, yes. I've taken notes for this. I'm taking this seriously. I also don't want to be read for filth, so I've got my facts straight. Okay. So, 8% of sheep are gay. Wow.

Who knew? Who knew? 20% are bi. You've done some research. 20% are bi. 20% are bi. 18% to 22%. I don't. 20% are bi. You've done some research. 20% are bi. 20% are bi. 18 to 22%. I don't. How do you know this?

You don't know this. I do. I've done research. You don't know this. How did this even pop up on your radar? TikTok. Oh, my gosh. Okay.

So, 80% of sheep are sheep Are homosexual It's TikTok's fault The world is getting so dumb Homosexual behaviour In sheep Is a Wikipedia article It's real The domestic sheep Ovis Ares

Is the only species Of mammal Except for humans That exhibits Exclusive homosexual behaviour Exclusive? What? About 10% of rams

Males Refuse to mate with ewes Females But do readily mate With each other Yeah mate with each other. Yeah. They bum each other. 30% of all rams demonstrate at least some homosexual behaviour.

Oh, so my stats are subtle. It's a bit more. I have zero idea. But also, when you've got a sheep farm you don't keep the rams. So what this whole study is, or let's point to this is gay sheep

get killed all the time. Hayley's crying. Gay sheep get killed all the time because they're not doing what the farmers want. Oh that's awful. And this is really sad. That's a hate crime. Male sheep tend to get killed more because you'll knock the nuts off them early.

There's castration and tailing day where you put a rubber ring on their balls and you cut off their tails. What an awful life. And then they'll keep them for a while but then they always go to the works as lamb because if you leave the balls on an animal

that you intend to eat, the testosterone spoils the meat. Oh, I hate that. Oh, I hate that. And so you've got to get them young. So you knock the tail and the balls off them and then you give them another few months and then they're ready for market. And then you send them to the meat work. So often males don't survive.

That's why I've never seen two rams, as I believe Hayley put it scientifically, bumming each other. Well, it happens a lot. And this guy called Michael Stusche or something, German, he has created the world's first gay farm. So there's 21 rams and he has kept them all together and he now has a charity. This is charity called Rainbow Wool and he makes gay beanies. So when you wear a beanie, you know that it's made from the wool of a gay sheep.

Yeah, and they dye it like rainbow. Oh, that's nice. And they sell it. Where is his farm? That's nice. Germany, Germany. Germany. Michael Stuckney.

Okay, I'm going to be honest. I had no idea that so many of them were gay or bi. And so the bisexualss they do a bit with everyone. Yeah, but I think they still get killed a little bit. Oh my God, that is a hate crime. Exactly but Michael Stucci is Stuck. I found his name, it's

Stuck. Oh, Stuck. Okay. He's doing the God's work. He's got the first gay farm. Well, that depends on what God I think. Yeah, some of them don't like it, Jenna. I don't think the Christian God is loving this gay farm. But yeah, Rainbow Wool, best charity in the world. I want to get a part of this.

I want to go to the gay farm. Yeah, I reckon there's heaps of other better charities. Oh, I've absolutely thoroughly enjoyed this. And who's your charity tonight on Celebrity Treasure Island? Thank you so much for asking me, Brie. I am here fighting, sorry. I am here fighting for Rainbow Wool, which is the world's first, sorry,

I'm really passionate about this, the first gay farm. My charity was the Ronald McDonald House, but like, screw them. Screw them. I just want to know sheep can bum other sheep. I think all sheep should be free to bum whoever they want. Be it other

sheep. You know what? If they want to bum goats, they should be allowed to bum goats because they pretty much look the same. It's fine. Love is love. If llamas want to lay down and get bummed by sheep, that's fine too. I'm really passionate about this.

That's why I'm here. What a fantastic story from you, Shannon. I had zero idea that homosexuality was so rife amongst the sheep. Gay sheep and bi sheep. We're all going to be here for this going forward, aren't we?

We are. You're going to be looking on the lookout. When I'm driving through sheep country, I'm going to be looking. Why going forward, aren't we? We are. You're going to be looking on the lookout. When I'm driving through sheep country, I'm going to be looking. Why do gay sheep look a certain way? Well, you know. Yeah, they're bombing the other guy's sheep. Next on the show. You can tell because I've got these massive things that hang between their legs that the females don't have.

Bowls. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. So while I was driving, this comes with a trigger warning for you, Hayley. Oh, no. I sent a voice note to everybody who works on the show, except I said, Hayley, this is your forewarned. The story contains an M-O-T-H. Could I pop out?

No, because I want you to know that this is a possibility. So I was driving to work just not too far down the road from home and I've got I don't mean to like rub in everybody's face how well I'm doing but my Suzuki Jimny

has Apple Airplay wow it's called CarPlay okay Apple CarPlay yeah oh yeah Airplay's where you can play it

I mean every car these days if it's new has CarPlay my 2013 Mazda 3 has Apple CarPlay yeah yeah but what I'm saying is

I'm doing quite well for myself. Yeah, right. I believe I was the first member of my family to have, actually my sister's CX-9 had it. Anyway, anyway. CX-9, big car.

She's doing quite well for herself. Big car. She's doing well for herself. She's doing quite well for herself. Actually, my brother probably had a car that had it before. He's doing quite well for himself.

So you were the last sibling in your family. You're actually doing the worst. I'm the worst of my family. Lucky I'm my parents' favourite. I'll say that much. So I'm driving. It tips into CarPlay.

And then all of a sudden what I'm listening to. Not ZM the radio. Yeah. Or iHeartRadio. No, no. It was the radio. Okay. Because when you plug in your phone.

Well, my situation is when I plug in the phone. Do you have to plug in? Mine's Bluetooth. Wait, can you Bluetooth car play? Yeah. What do you mean? Everyone can Bluetooth. No, I can't Bluetooth car play.

You literally got your car a few years ago. I guess I'm doing pretty well for myself. Actually not doing well for himself. He's doing terribly. I can Bluetooth my phone, but that's a different connection. No, no, my car play is Bluetooth. Oh, wild. No, mine's not.

Oh, my God, he's got a cord. Oh, my God, I've got a cord. He's got a cord running from it. Oh, come on car play is Bluetooth. Oh, wild. No, mine's not. Oh, my God, he's got a cord. Oh, my God. He's got a cord running from it. Oh, come on. It's Bluetooth. You're not doing it right. It's also a German brand new that costs under $30,000. Well, at the time, a brand new car under $30,000.

I'm not asking too much of it. Yeah. So I'm listening to the radio, old school, frequency modulated, 91 FM, ZM. And I'm laughing out louder at the replay. Are you? Yeah. I'm driving down the road. It's a good show.

It stops playing the radio. And I'm like, what's happened? And it's up on my screen. It has gone from the main screen, which shows a bit of everything. I don't know if you've used CarPlay Fletch. Probably I could talk to Hayley about this. I have. Actually I'm doing it right for myself. I can hire a car

sometimes. So you know the main screen that's got a bit of everything. Maps, what you're listening to. It's gone from that and it's gone on to the phone where you push the thing and it brings up your favourites or your recent calls. Who's your favourite?

Well my wife's my favourite. Am brings up your favourites or your recent calls. Who's your favourite? Well, my wife's my favourite. Am I in your favourites? Yeah, Fletch, you are. You guys are in my favourites. You're in mine. You're in my favourites. And then, yeah, my mum and dad and stuff. You guys both are.

Aaron, mum, dad, Fletch, Vaughan, and then my best friend. You guys are ahead of her. That's nice. That's a high price. You've all got photos. I should add you to my favourites. Vaughan, yours is best friend. You guys are ahead of her. That's nice. That's a high price. You've all got photos. I should add you to my favourites. Vaughn, yours is very problematic. Is it?

Yeah. How problematic? This. Oh, that's okay. That's not problematic. That's a good indicator of the sort of situation. Oh, hurry me, Fletch. I'm adding Hayley to my favourites.

I feel terrible that I'm on hers and she wasn't on mine. Thank you. So it goes to the phone screen. Yeah. And that's when I'm like, what hit that? And I notice an M-O-T-H has flown straight into the touch screen. Ooh, and it's pushed it like it's a flying finger. Yeah.

Ooh. Who knew? A flying dusty finger. Because sometimes even I will tap it and it's not enough to get it to go to something. And I'll give my finger a white note back. You see, I don't know if you've got CarPlay. If you're touching it and it's not changing. And you've got an off-brand thing.

It goes boop and changes it to the phone screen and then flutters about. And that's when I can see it fluttering. And then it just punches Sade's name. What? And so it starts calling her. And so I'm trying to hang up. A moth called your... Yes.

Sorry, an M-O-T-H called your wife. Yeah. And I'm confused for a minute. I'm like, hang up. A moth called your... Yes. Sorry, an MOTH called your wife. Yeah. And I'm confused for a minute. I'm like, what's she calling me for? Something bad's happened over the time and immediately the house is caught on fire. But what did the MOTH say to your wife? I hung up too quickly.

Oh, okay. I think you should... And then I said to the MOTH, can you just send her a message? You've just put me in favourites. You need to remove me. Why? Because if an MOTH calls me,

I'll be very upset. How would you know, though? You'll hear this. Like, hello need to remove me. Why? Because if an MOTH calls me, I'll be very upset. How would you know though? You'll hear this. Like, hello, Hayley speaking. Oh! Oh! No. Play. ZM. Fletchvorn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is the top six. Dunedin. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Dunedin's getting its own Monopoly, guys. Castle Street. Puffer Jackets. Larnac Castle. Baldwin Street.

God, I love Larnac Castle. It's a beautiful place. What's the most, like, expensive street on the Dunedin Monopoly board? Some nice houses in Dunedin. The old money. Yeah. Like the 1800s money. Yeah,. Some nice houses in Dunedin. The old money. Yeah.

Like the 1800s money. Yeah, beautiful. I don't know, dude. Or like around St Kilda. Oh, here we go. Dark blue. Dark blue. Dunedin Railway Station and Larnac Castle.

Yeah, Larnac Castle. That makes sense. Okay. Yeah. Are the big ones. So they put the railway station. I suppose there's only one station. Yeah, what do they do for the other railway stations?

So travel, which I'm assuming is the four, because there's four things here. Castle Street, Baldwin Street, George Street and the Octagon are the four travel points. Okay. Right on the bottom in the brown one, Dunedin Botanic Garden, which does not deserve to be brown. It deserves to be higher. It's quite a lovely garden. Yeah. And Wild Dunedin Festival of Garden, which does not deserve to be brown. It deserves to be higher. It's quite a lovely garden. Yeah. And Wild Dunedin Festival of Nature.

Brighton Beach. This sounds like big Dunedin promotion money. Atamawana Beach is light blue. Now, if there hadn't been the massacre, I would have thought that would have been up in the yellows. Yeah. Really dragged it down, didn't it? Yeah.

Atamawana. Well, I've got the top six chance cards because they're not mentioned. Okay. So the top six chance cards for Dunedin and Monopoly. Number six. Advance to go collect your course-related costs after an eight-hour call to StudyLink. Good. Yeah, Andy.

That was fun every year, eh? The course-related costs. Have they sorted that out, the calls to StudyLink? Is it easier? Surely it's all online now. It's been years. Yeah. It must be.

God, it was horrible. No, Carwin's shaking her head. Still going. Jesus. Can I have some more money, please? I've made a huge mistake. It's the third week. So much of my course-related cost was food.

Yeah, mine was clothes, some drinks in moderation. Yeah. Yeah, food. More drinks in moderation. More drinks in moderation. Yeah. Number five on the list Of the top six chance cards

In the Denita monopoly Go straight to jail Just to sober up And cool off Give it a few hours And piss off Don't be a dickhead We'll see you back here

Yeah future doctor Yeah Yeah Future saver of lives Yeah brain surgeon Number four on the list Of the top six chance cards In the Denita monopoly

I'm really struggling With Denita monopoly You are Denita monopoly Make general repairs To your flat Give the bank $200 Number four on the list of the top six chance cards in the Dunedin Monopoly. I'm really struggling with Dunedin Monopoly. You are, aren't you? Dunedin Monopoly. Make general repairs to your flat. Give the bank $200. Send your landlord all the receipts, but you'll never see that money again. And guess what?

You're also not getting your bond back. Yeah. Yeah. That's just... And we're also not going to repair the flat, to be honest. Nah. You repair it, but don't do too good a job. We're not paying you back.

Number three on the list of the top six chance cards in Dunedin Monopoly. You win second in a colouring-in competition at Lone Star because you entered as a job. We're not paying you back. Number three on the list of the top six chance cards in Dunedin Monopoly. You win second in a colouring in competition at Lone Star because you entered as a child. Now you need to find a child to claim the prize. That's going to cost you half your prize. Collect $40. Nice. Yeah, just do it really well. Right. Yeah. Cindy

six. Pick yourself up a little win there. Number two on the list of the top six. Chance cards in Dunedin. Jesus. Dunedin Monopoly. You suck at talking. Sorry, that was really mean.

That was really full on. Have you thought about this as a career? No, I haven't. Do you think I've got a lot of tanks? I don't. I think you can barely string a sentence together. I can't even say Dunedin Monopoly. Yeah.

Dunedin Monopoly. Dunedin Monopoly. Number two. Advance to the nearest railway station. If it's not owned, you can buy it, but it is owned, so take a photo. Beautiful building. Oh, stunning building. Beautiful building, but definitely not the most photographed building

in the Southern Hemisphere. Oh, they love to say that. I mean, there's... No, it's not. Yeah, but they say it. But they always say it. They all say it. They always say it.

They all say it. How are they getting this? The Opera House is a building. Yeah. In the Southern Hemisphere. The opera houses are building. Yeah. In the Southern Hemisphere. The Sydney Harbour Bridge. The Sky Tower. The Sky Tower.

All photographed more. Oh, yeah. The Beehive. Yeah. Are you sure that they don't mean the South Island? No, no, no. They always say it. And, you know, you don't want to be mean because, you know, you're there.

And so you just go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, sure. Definitely not. Definitely not. It's embarrassing. Stop saying it. They haven't printed that anywhere. Oh, my God.

Apparently the most photographed in the building now has officially been given to the Sydney Opera House. However, second, Dunedin train station. It's not. There's not enough people there. It's not. Who's going? I literally walk past the Sky Tower every day. And every day without fail, I always see people taking photos.

It's a great tower. Stop saying it. You want to hear another wild claim? Rotorua Museum claims that the bathhouse in Rotorua is the most photographed building in New Zealand. No, it's not. It is. I mean, it's a beautiful building. I've performed a gig in there in the bath.

Right. In a bath. Yeah. What, doing a comedy show? Yeah. I did stand it's a beautiful building. I've performed a gig in there in the bath. Right. In a bath. Yeah, well, it had no water in it. What, doing a comedy show? Yeah. I did stand up. In a bath. But you're standing in the bath.

Don't stand in the bath. You'll slip over and smash your face. No, there was no water in it. Right. Dry bath. A dry bath, but standing in it regardless. And number one on the list of the top six. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get over this Dunedin building thing.

It's really upset me. It's a wild, it's a wild claim. It's a wild claim. You can't just say that willy and nilly. No, but they do. Top six chance cards in Dunedin Monopoly. Number one. Why can't you say that?

Top six chance cards in Dunedin Monopoly. There you go. You're just going to move your mouth a little bit more. Yeah, I've got to move it a bit more. Enunciate. Pay your doctor's fees, $50, but also you have to travel to Christchurch or Invercargill as the government pulled the funding for the hospital

in Dunedin there goes mouthpiece of the left oh yeah boo I don't want people in Dunedin to have sufficient healthcare what a woke piece of shit

yeah that is so woke what a social justice keyboard warrior wearing woke piece of communist shit that's today's top six play ZM's Flashborn and Hayley play Woke piece of communist shit. That's today's Top 6.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Speaking of McCafe, I just saw Shannon went out to the, she's meeting the driver. She's got... Nuggies on the way. Nuggies on the way. Speaking of McCafe. What?

Oh, Grimace socks. Those are so cool. I was like, how does McCafe or McDonald's have anything to do with your boots? Oh, yeah, you've got your Grimace Socks on. That's a great sock. Yeah, got to send some Grimace Socks. Supporting the show's sponsor. We're supporting the Ronald McDonald House.

Which is a great charity. It is. It's actually not my charity of choice. My charity of choice is the gay The gay sheeps Rainbow wool They do great work Some of the best work So apparently

This is another Do you know what I've just learnt Happy National kink International kink month They get a whole month? Just scraped in at the end here on the 31st of October. Oh my God, it's November tomorrow.

This year is going so fast. Good, get in the trash. Yeah. Apparently it is International Kink Month and we've missed it. So thank God I'm here. Well, I discovered my hand kink this month. What's your hand kink? I like hands now.

Oh yeah, Lily Ellen's got nice hands. People have got feet kink and I've got hand kink. Yeah, What's your hand kink? I like hands now. Oh, yeah, Lily Ellen's got nice hands. People have got feet kink and I've got hand kink. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I mean, that's probably on the entry level. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's a dating app that did some research.

The most common kink is public stuff. Really? Followed by menage a trois. Okay. Is a menage a trois, is it a kink? Anything. So a kink is defined as anything outside of any activity, fantasy or behaviour that sits outside

of what's considered traditional or vanilla sexual activities. Okay. And then it's role playing and then it's a bit of, you know, tying up stuff. Okay, right. Respectfully. What, like loading a trailer with wood and then putting the strops on and really getting it tied? Stropping it.

That's right. Strops, all sorts. Cable ties. Respectfully. Bungee cords. Respectfully, of course. And as part of this article that I was reading from this sexual therapist, she was saying that she is dealing with clients who are wanting to have a little bit more privacy and assurance

that their kinks will not be made public because there's a lot of shame around it. And so she has sort of implemented a thing for her clients where they present their sexual partner with a sex NDA. And an NDA, which I promised I would explain, is a non-disclosure agreement, which basically means you sign something that says you can't talk about it. Otherwise you'll be sued for, like we sign quite a few

when we have to watch movies ahead of time. Like we might watch a movie that comes out two months before it's released because we're interviewing someone. Totally. And they don't want us, you know, spoiling, you know, big spoilers or anything. So you sign it and in signing it, if you do talk about it or spoil something, they can sue you. Like reality TV contestants do this all the time.

They do it. Because that gets filmed like months before it comes out and then they don't want them blabbing about it. When I audition for things, which I tell you what, doesn't happen that often anymore. Because you're radio, radio, radio now. No, no, no, I'm comedian, actor, radio. Um, radio, radio, radio. We'll make sure you vote for Hayley for the TV

personality of the year this year. I don't think I was nominated because I haven't been on anything. I was on Toastmasters. So radio, radio. That was quite brutal. Radio, yeah. I was a guy when you said it, I was like, no, I was reading in radio yeah radio that was quite brutal I was a guy when you said that I was like she's gonna remember that

no I was reading in the paper this morning locking that in the box all the finalists and I was like I should burn Hayley about that later therapist today or

yeah I'm not the problem yeah your therapist you might be today finally you might be today you've made the cut

finally what I was saying is I signed NDAs because you get to read a script for a film that hasn't been made yet. And then you could say, oh, this is what, you know, so-and-so is working on a film and it's about this. Hey, that's why I brought up my acting. Because you've heard of like celebrities doing this, right? Yeah, yeah. If you shag them, you've got to sign an NDA and you say you can't say that you shagged them. I always thought that.

I've signed a couple of those. Oh, have you? Now you've an NDA and you say you can't say that you shagged them. I've signed a couple of those. Oh, have you? Now you've broken the NDAs. I always thought that would be you can sleep with any celebrity, but you can never tell anybody because I can guarantee, like, the genie twist is that no one will ever believe you. But I've signed NDAs and told you guys things before. Yeah, I tell people things all the time.

In the NDA, some of them are like, we'll sue you for like five million dollars. No you won't. I don't have five million dollars. Good luck. Go for it. Go for it. I'm going to tell my friends the secrets. Yeah. I shagged this person and I was on this TV show and there you go. And I loved the feet.

So she was saying it makes people feel comfortable, especially if they're going out and you know, with not a long-termterm partner but trying things with other people, that they have this little thing being like, you can't tell members of this community that I'm into X, Y, Z. And she was like, it gives you a little bit of reassurance. But as you say, what, are you going to actually, you're going to bump into someone and they'll be like,

I didn't know you were into toe sucking. You're going to be like, oh, my God, I made them sign an NDA. You're not going to sue them. No. You're just going to be like, oh, yeah, yeah. And that's okay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Let me tell you about Merle Bombardieri.

Fantastic name. What a name. She is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked as a baby decision coach in some capacity or another for 40 years. Baby decision coach. Okay. The article follows Phoebe and her husband, Sammy, who are both 34, who are meeting with Murley

to discuss whether or not they should have children. So this is her service, her job. Yep. 200 US dollars per session, so about 330 New Zealand dollars a sesh. How many seshes were going for? Like eight or eight to ten. To decide.

I'm sorry, but you need to pay someone and go eight times for them to decide if you should have a baby. You might as well have just had a kid. They're about the same cost. Or like you don't need a kid or you don't like. If it's a hard decision, you shouldn't be having a kid. Yeah, I know. But like Vaughn, it wasn't a decision for you.'t like if it's a hard decision you shouldn't be having a kid. Yeah I know but like Vaughn it wasn't a decision for you you wanted to be a dad. Yeah. For me

it's not a decision for me I don't want to be a parent you're the same. Yeah. But I can I do know friends that are like I don't know I don't know I don't know the future's so bloody bleak and you want to have a legacy but then it's also in the money side of things and the freedom I don't know I imagine it would be hard if you were feeling a bit indifferent about it.

So that's what she covers. She identifies things the common concerns are. Fears of losing your identity. Yeah. As like a non-parent, I guess. Financial burdens. You used to be so cool. Sorry?

I was no cool. Financial burdens, environmental impacts as major factors influencing decisions about being a parent. She asks them to pretty much rank their desire to have children between one and ten under each one of these things. Like, how does this affect your desire to be a parent? Yeah. Da-da-da-da-da.

And she has also identified over her time doing it that people are delaying traditional milestones like marriage because of the cost and children due to the cost and that also leads to declining birth rates, which is a problem a lot of countries are experiencing. Yeah. Is it a problem though

that we're having declining birth rates? Depends on how you look at it, I guess. Yeah. When you look at places like Japan, they can't afford to, they're not going to be able to afford to look after their- Keep their old people. Yeah.

Oh, because there's not going to be any young people. Working and paying tax. There won't be enough workers eventually. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Why are you laughing like that? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That was so good. So she said, beyond the common concerns of the financial burdens,

explore your feelings and perspectives. And then she's like, there's more. Until you have the child, you can't quite grasp what it will mean to you. And the fact that you'll happily give up some of these things because you've got a baby. You can't imagine it now that you would ever become a selfless person.

I'm such a tight ass, I wouldn't want to pay that money. Yeah, same. So maybe I shouldn't have kids because I wouldn't spend money. Yeah. The smaller families, because this couple, particularly in this article, were saying, well, you've got to have two or three. And she's like, you actually don't. You can just have one if you want.

Yeah. See how it's going. If you're liking it and it's not too bad and you want another one, you can decide at that stage. Yeah, but that is a thought, eh? They've got to have a buddy. Like they're not going to make friends. Like they're not going to make friends in life.

Yeah. But it would definitely be more common now. To have your own child. day. They've got to have a buddy. They're not going to make friends. They're not going to make friends in life. But it's definitely more common now to be an only child. To be an only child. I feel like when we were growing up it wasn't as common. Nah, no way. We've already done one, might as well. And do you think this baby decider finds couples where one doesn't

want to have the baby? And one's been dragged along by the one that does. I was just reading that article and she was like, that's typically, that relationship won't last. Yeah. And I've seen that before. I've had friends that have loved each other, had a great life together,

but to get to that point where it's like make or break, are we going to do this? And they've had to separate. Yeah. Because you get to an age where you're like, if I keep delaying it, the chances of me being able to do this are going down and down and down. Yeah, I've got to meet someone, I've got to do this.

I would have thought you would have been able to discuss that yourselves at home and save maybe, I don't know, thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars, yeah. Well, hey, she's seen a market and she's leapt on it. Good for her. That American therapy market. Maybe imagine for just- I wonder how much that's worth now just as a general sort of

how much the American therapy market just as a general sort of, how much the American therapy market is worth. billions. Oh, billions. Imagine if you went along to the,

imagine at the Wicket this would be a fun radio stunt and we sent Fletch along to a baby making, baby decision maker.

Imagine, and it backfired on us at the end, you were like, oh my god, I desperately want to be a dad. We'd be like,

wow, he's just I left it too late. I us at the end. You were like, oh my God, I desperately want to be a dad. We'll be like, wow, he's just completely... I left it too late. I left it too late. Oh no. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Now, obviously we're not condoning the behaviour of cheating. Just before we get into cheating,

someone wanted to know what you did with the milk. I tipped it in the sink. Did you? And then I... Did you put it back? No, I tipped it in the sink and put the empty container. This is the expired milk. Fletch has used milk a week past

expiry date. Yeah. I 100% would have just put it back in the fridge. This is how I keep drinking it! I would have just been like, is this a prank? Is someone pranking me? This ain't a prank. Yeah. Well, okay, you've chucked out the milk. You've chucked out the milk and put a bottle in the recycling.

Yes. He's a good boy. The prison's a good man. We can move on now. That person can rest assured. You're not part of the problem. You're part of the solution. Good.

Now, what I was saying was that we don't obviously condone the behaviour of cheating, but we also don't judge. No. You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals. You're the face of a cheetah, according to artificial intelligence. That's right. That's right. Yesterday, we discussed that.

They created an AI profile of the common cheetah, and he was a handsome, bald man. With an incredible jawline. With a jawline that don't quit in his mid-40s, and that was you. Bald, too. Yeah, yeah, bald. She started with that. I started with that.

I'll say bald twice, if you like. Now, so the reason we're talking about cheating is because there's a relationship investigator. I started with that. I'll say bald twice if you like. Now, so the reason we're talking about cheating is because there's a relationship investigator. That's her job, is if you think that your partner is cheating on you, but you don't want to bring it up. I'm not going to lie. I would love this job.

Sir, juicy. Do you think we should start an investigative organisation? No, because people wouldn't trust us. What do you mean they wouldn't trust us? They'll be like, I've already got a detective agency. Slick and Eagle, detective agency and PR services. I don't work

at that agency. Can I have a job there? But you have to add in another one. Slick and Eagle. Slick and Eagle. And Tadpole. Slick Eagle and Tadpole. No, the eagle would eat the tadpole. Slick was an otter.

Okay. Slick and eagle. Eagle was an eagle, obviously. And Roger. What is Roger? I'll be Roger. Sure. I'm Roger.

Okay. So if you think that your partner's cheating on you, you would hire this woman, Susan Trombetti, another great name on the show this morning, and she would investigate for you. And so she's like, here's the ways that people are constantly getting caught. And then she actually, in her words, was like,

here's how you can get away with it if you want to have multiple partners. Wow. On the down low. I know. Some tips. You're giving tips now. So they kind of correlate.

Like do this and don't do this. So the do's, if you want to have a successful affair, again, I'm not condoning, get a burner phone. Because she was like, one of the most common ways is messages popping up

on your phone. Where do you keep a burner? But then you hear so many times people like, I just looked at his phone and there were messages from girls. Exactly.

And you're like, how dumb are you? How dumb are you? Turn off, this is one, turn off your geopoints on your Gmail. Now, I don't know what that is, but it's basically like tracks. Your maps will show you everywhere you've gone.

Google Maps does. Yeah, Google Maps does this. Hey, for the last six months we've been monitoring and then it's all these blue dots and you're like, hi. It's also quite confronting when all you do is just sit at home. Just one blue dot. Just one big blue dot that moves around the house. Yeah.

Because she said years ago someone came to her and they had the geopoints from the Gmail of the partner and found out that he had been cheating on her up to five years back in the relationship. Because he had been at a motel, could go through the Gmail, find the receipts, all that kind of stuff. Keep your distance in public,

because she says one of the most common ways that she discovers people cheating is she sees them with another person in public and you're like, that's so stupid. Especially when you hear of the stories of people in small towns in New Zealand that go out on a date or something. Have a dinner. On the other side of town and you're like, it's a small town.

What are you doing? Why are you holding hands and kissing at a dinner table? Yeah. Don't send racy messages, she says, because again, that's, you know. Paper trail. Paper trail. Yeah. And if you are gonna go and have an affair in a hotel room, enter the hotel an hour apart. So you check in. Or,

what if I get there first and I'm the first, the minute I get into the hotel room, I'm playing with myself and then they arrive and you're like, sorry, love, done. I'm done. I'm like, shut off, actually. Or get one of those rooms with a door between it. Oh, yeah. Adjacent rooms. Adjacent rooms.

Yeah. And then open the door. But it's also just weird if you were like going to a hotel. It's going to pop up on a, depending on how linked you are with your partner. You've got to have a secret bank account. Yeah. This is so much work. Yeah.

It is. Well, I want to know this morning from our lovely listeners, and I think we've actually got some messages in already. How obvious was it that someone was cheating on you? Like, did they just leave their whole computer open with messages? Did they leave some receipts in the car?

Did they just leave their phone open and you read text messages? Yeah. Because people are not hiding these things very well at all. Yeah, and let's be honest, guys are pretty dumb about this, aren't they? Yeah. The guys aren't the only ones that cheat. No, and I know that. I just think they get caught more

often, right? Yeah, because they're not as smart. They're dumb. They're dumber than ladies. Okay, so 0800DARLS.M, give us a call now. You can text through 9696. How obvious... Oh, he's banged his elbow.M, give us a call now. You can text through 9696. How obvious. Oh, he's banged his elbow. That would have hurt so much.

How obvious was it that someone cheated on you? Wow, we asked. It's juicy. Far out. We want to know this morning. We want to know this morning how obvious it was that someone was cheating on you. Because a relationship investigator has sort of revealed the key ways that people are getting discovered and it's straight up. Messages on the phone, being

caught out in public, literally seeing them together. You wonder sometimes if people want to get caught, eh? Yeah, sometimes. Or they just don't care anymore. And then the other person calls it all off and that takes the decision out of their hands. Yeah, totally. They're exploding it from the inside. Yeah. Yeah.

So, do you want some text messages? What do you want? What do you want? Do you want to get some calls? Do you want to get some text messages? What do you want? We should talk to Melissa. Let's start with you, Melissa.

How obvious was it that someone was cheating on you? Obvious is a very good word to use, I would say. Okay. My best friend at the time had a birthday party at a mutual friend's house. Yeah. And my partner at the time came along with me as my plus one. And awesome night, really awesome night. Great.

Happy birthday celebration. Started to notice they were getting a little bit close. Okay. Well, they're friends, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. We're all're friends, obviously. Yeah. We're all friends. A little bit closer than you would like. Okay. What, some rubbing, maybe?

Was there some... Was there frottage over it? I don't know if it was quite a sausage party just yet, but it was almost getting to that point. Really? Yeah, I didn't know if it was the alcohol or what it was, but anyway, fast forward a few hours, and I hadn't know if it was the alcohol or what it was. But anyway, fast forward a few hours and I had misplaced my partner. I didn't know where he was.

Went into one of the back rooms and I found him. Right, okay. So that's quite obvious at that stage that he's cheating on you because he's like with her. Doing it and your eyes have seen it. Yeah. At a party that you brought him to with your friend. Yes, my old best friend.

Yes, old best friend. Everything, everything with each other, absolutely everything. Best mate. How long had you been best friends for? Probably a good few, like, four years. Wow.

And then did they end up together, or was it just blowing up for everybody? Um, well, actually, she had a partner at the time, too, who was in the States at the time. Oh! Naughty! Double naughty! Oh! Couple of skanks! Couple of skanks in her hands.

Am I allowed to say that? Am I allowed to say skanks? You've said it twice. Melissa, did you inform her partner, who was an American? I definitely did. I called him straight away. And to be honest, I hope he kind of hears us and listens to you guys. He's a retard and he decided to go down the street. Oh, you can't say that.

You don't use that word. You don't use that word. You don't use that word, Melissa. Oh, you can't say that. You don't use that word. You don't use that word. You don't use that word, Melissa. No. Sorry. You don't say that. You haven't been able to say that since the Black Eyed Peas,

I think. He was a little bit simple and, yeah, went back to work. Okay. He went back to work. Oh, he went back to work. He went back to work.

But, Melissa, you left. But he does listen to us so he's got great taste. He's got great taste. Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to be angry at him. I'm going to be angry at him. To be honest, I'm torn, Melissa. He sounds like a great guy. Sounds like a great taste. Yeah, I'm kind of... I can't be angry at him. I can't be angry at him. To be honest, I'm torn, Melissa.

He sounds like a great guy. Sounds like a top bloke. Do you know what I mean? He didn't do anything wrong. I like him. Me too. I like him. I like the cut of his chin.

Okay, Melissa, thank you. Jane, good morning. How obvious was it that somebody was cheating on you? Jane. It was me? Yes, Jane. Good morning. Hello.

Hi, Jane. Well, look, my ex never cleaned the sheets, ever. That was a, you know, he just didn't do it. Bit of a manky boy. Like cleaning the toilet, yeah. Yeah. And I got home from work one day and the sheets were on the line. And I was like, that's so unusual.

Why would you clean the sheets? And he was like, what's going on? Doesn't happen. And he was sort of stammering with the answers, like, oh, well, I thought it was time. I was like, well, you never think it's time. I could ask you 50 times. And you're in your own bed while you're at work.

Oh my God, it was terrible. And then, of course, we had kids and stuff, so then I'm trying not to say it out loud for the kids, but, you know, I go click and like, wow then I'm trying not to say it out loud for the kids. But, you know, I go click and like, wow, what's on the sheets? What's on the sheets? And, you know, I'm trying to hold it together for the kids. But no, no, I was in my bed and I was at work.

Oh, my God, what a terrible. I don't care if he listens to us or not. I don't like him. But does he? But does he? Does he listen to us? Does he listen to us? It's a long time ago now.

I don't even care. The neighbour had kids. They were having a nice day looking after the kids. What's the neighbour? Yeah, what's the neighbour? The kids running around in the backyard. Does she listen to us, do you think? I don't care.

Fair enough, Jay. Fair enough. Had he washed them right, though? Like, had he used the right laundry detergent and followed up with a fabric softener? Oh, no, I don't think so. I barely knew how to use a washing machine. So that was that.

It was over. Oh, no. Actually, it was over the next time he did it on me. Oh, Jane! I'm a slow learner. I'm a slow learner. I'm a slow learner. Wait, Jane, did you put the sheets back on the bed? No, by that time

he left for a few days, but the next time he was almost as dumb as well because he sent a pounamu to this girl overseas. They'd been on a cruise ship together and it was Christmas time. I got no Christmas presents. This is New Zealand love, actually.

She got a beautiful New Zealand taonga. This is New Zealand's version of love, actually. And he's Alan Rickman. It is. Can we call her of the week, Jane, please? I was just going to say I was at the ready.

He's my children's father. I know, I know. Jane, you're. I know, I know. You have to wait on my public health. Jane, you're our caller of the week. A $50 McCafe voucher. Thanks to our mates at McCafe. Well done. We'll read some text messages.

So many coming in. How obvious was it that someone was cheating on you? Oh, you mean obviously like coming home for lunch and finding him in bed with my best friend? That's pretty straightforward, isn't it? And then they had the cheek to say to me they were just prepping a threesome. Prepping! Prepping! Prepping!

It's not what it looks like. We're waiting for a third. We're warming ourselves up for you, darling. Yeah, come on in. No, no, no. We were just getting things ready. Oh. I remember before...

Would you be told... Carry on. My friend was... Would you... Anyway, another time. Ding, ding, ding. My friend was at her partner's family gathering. The woman he'd been cheating with was there as a family friend,

bragging about how she'd been hooking up with him. She didn't know how my friend was there as well, as all close members of the family. Do you know what? I know from friends that are doctors and my doctor herself, my grotty ex kept complaining it was burning when he was weeing. We'd been together for three years, went and got a test, tested positive for an STI. Before we got together, we had both tested negative.

He then proceeded to tell me he must have got it from the work bathrooms. Quick sneak through his phone, at least 10 different chicks on there. Glad to say we're all done with that loser. Mine just chose a little street rat who couldn't resist posting photos of our apartment. Oh, like I'm in the apartment. Yeah. Oh my God.

My dumb ass ex, may I say that, left the girls' clothes on the floor in our bedroom and then tried to gaslight me into thinking

they were my clothes. That's your top. I don't own that. That's not my size. No, it's definitely your top. No, that's your top. Whose clothes would that That's not my size No it's definitely Your top That's your top Whose clothes

Would they be One of my exes Never had a lock On her phone And I suspected So I checked And I was right We worked through

That one though She did it again She never put a lock On her phone Never Never put a lock On her phone Even just for security

And theft Okay Theft and everything There are some Juicy messages Coming in Security and theft. Okay. Theft and everything. Oh. There are some juicy messages coming in. Oh, how old I was at a work function. Oh, I was at a work function and my wife of seven years would normally be in bed by 7.30. That's the time we like to go to bed.

However, I came home around 11 o'clock and she came running out of the bedroom with a hickey the size of an Australian 50 cent piece. The old ones. The old hexagons. She blamed it on our three-month-old baby. What? The baby just was latching onto my neck

and just sucking real hard. The baby thought it was a nipple. Yes. He was dumb enough to brag about it in a boys' chat group when I was friends with most of them who immediately were like, dude, this isn't on. This is our friend that you're doing this to. And I found out immediately.

Oh, that's good. My ex-wife was texting another bloke that she loved them while she was... Intoxicated. Pissed in bed. Yeah. While she pissed in bed, I was like, these sheets. Get the sheets in the wash quick before he gets home at lunchtime.

Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Fletchborn and Hayley. Silly little pose. Silly little pose. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pose. Silly little pose.

Silly little pose. Silly little pose. Silly little Paul. Paul's got a really snotty nose. I got weird. It's not snotty like a cold. I just get little snot balls. Look, you're allowed a couple of tissues, but I've talked about this.

What am I doing them after I blow my nose up? Two tissues max because they're already too ply. Hayley will take three. I got three. Yeah. It's got a nice little thick. I've been called out at work when I wash my hands in the bathroom. I just go

get heaps of paper towels. Oh, that's terrible. No, you need a couple. You don't need that many. I was like, no, I need heaps. Wet hands. Today's silly little poll is going to the movies a good first date idea. Yeah, because we in general were like, no, because you're not talking or doing anything.

I mean, you might kind of go out and maybe for dinner before and then you can talk. Yeah. If it's a first date. Or afterwards. Yeah. But there was some research done that examined couples watching things side by side. And basically it found that if no matter what the emotion was, if it was a cry or a laugh or something. Excuse me.

During the movie. During the movie. It increased how connected you felt with the stranger. During the movie, it increased how connected you felt with the stranger. What if it was like a, who's that? That's Deadpool. Who's that?

That's Wolverine. What are they doing now? Is this coming from a place of truth? That's an annoyed shit experience for both of you. Have we seen this?

Have we seen this? I think I've seen this. Where do I know him from? Oh, no. My one, my peppy with Aaron is, he's going to do this. And he'll say,

he'll predict the plot. Oh my God, it's so obvious that he's going to do this. And he'll say, he'll predict the plot. Oh my God, it's so obvious that he's going to be the thing to do. That's a hard thing to suppress. Remember what? So that you're right at the end? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if it's a first date, you can just not go on another date with that person if they're that annoying immediately.

But we've talked about this before, first dates. Like, it's a shared experience. Shared experience. Which creates like a memory, a good memory. Like you go for a hike or you do something cool. You know. Both having a cry. 70% of people, when we asked, is the movie a good first date, said no.

70% said no. 30% said yes. Maybe because it's expensive and if you're going on a lot of first dates, it's not cheap. Unless you do. Because we've also got to eat. Yeah. Do they still do that cheap Tuesdays thing at some movies? They used to do that out West Day in Lynn Mall. Yeah. Do they still do that cheap Tuesdays thing at some movies? They used to do that out West Day in Lynn Mall.

Yeah. Yeah. And then you take in your tacos, because it's Tuesday. Yeah. Tuesday's a big night. Bring your own tacos on a first date. For a weird night mid-week. It's a pretty great night with cheap movies and tacos, of course. Second date at least, said Nicola. So you know

you want to sit with them through a movie. First date, you might not click click and then you're obliged to stay or be rude and leave after you're paid to see a movie. Yeah. Helen said no awkward talking and popcorn. Good first date. Yeah. You can't talk, lol.

You just sit there in silence. It's shit, says Ellie. Okay, Ellie. Jordan, movie, then dinner or a meal. That way you have something to talk about at the meal. No, I'd go dinner or a meal first. you have something to talk about at the meal Oh no, I'd go dinner or a meal first No, you'll fall asleep We're getting late

I know, but you'll fall asleep But I'm hungry in the movie Yeah, I don't know Samantha says, yes, when I was an awkward teenager It was a great first date, but now as an adult No, it's not That's because Hayley wanted to kiss in the back row I'm not paying all that money to go and see a movie I want to see

and waste the smooching. Aw. They had some good smooches in the back. They've got the arm thing in the middle. Yeah. You've got to lean over. Not anymore. Not anymore.

They've got the day-to-night beds. You need beds. I don't imagine if they had those. Oh, gosh. Back in the day. Serum. Noobs said yes. Reason one. Can pretend to go to the toilet and then just leave.

Oh, my God. Reason two, can go for dinner afterwards and have somebody to talk about. And reason three, you get to know what kind of person they are by what film they choose and if they laugh at the right things. Yes. How awkward is it when somebody doesn't laugh at something funny and you're just like, you don't find that funny? Yeah, that's crazy.

What is wrong with you? Don't like that. Dan says, the movies is not a good date, let alone a good first date. Good first date? Laser force and drinks. Unless they hide the sensor and cheat. Well, then you know they're not for you. And you can't shoot them.

Yeah, then you know that they're a cheater cheater. Don't laugh, Shannon. People do that and I get, I play fairly and I don't cover my laser and then I get hit and I have to get time out of the laser zone.

Yeah, your gun deactivates. And my gun deactivates and everyone else wins and they're not playing fair, Shannon. Oh, he's really upset. Yeah. Sorry, I've had a really bad laser force experience.

I'm so sorry. We should recreate a positive one. Because he watches so many TV shows about the police and SWAT and armed forces and stuff and then he goes to the laser zone and he's just rubbish. And of course there has to be a reason. It's not that he's rubbish or scared. He gets scared.

He has failed to mention he gets scared of the dark. He hides. He comes out of the end and is like, I'm the winner. I'm the winner. Yes, it's a good date, said Lauren. If the date doesn't work out, at least you got to see a film. Plus, cinema snacks rule. Cinema snacks rules are very expensive. So expensive.

James, one and a half hours of mostly silence with a person you don't really know? It's a no thanks from me. Okay. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Shannon's back on the show. Now, if you missed it this morning, the very first break of the show this morning at six o'clock,

Shannon shared with us a beautiful story about a gay farm. I would say, and I said after we finished that break and played the song, I said, we're not going to beat that on the show today. It would be worth listening to the podcast for. I Heart Radio will review your podcast. Video to come as well. Video to come because I cried. We were all crying at six or seven.

That was so joyous watching you cry and snort i made my day a lot but shannon's back uh on the show with us yes with a hack yes going for five stars max for shannon's hacks yes when she gets five stars we give her a jingle it's an ongoing segment that's failed to impress i'll be be honest. It has failed to impress. But how fun were the pads on the foot? It was fun. Yeah, prison jandals. Prison jandals. It's probably your highest rated hack though, to be fair. Yes. Yeah. Because I didn't get athlete's foot from doing that.

And I can only say that it must have been the pads. Yep. Exactly. Well today we're heading into summer soon. Road trip season is upon us. I'm excited. There's no denying how boring a road trip can get. If you're doing a big long one, it can be a rough time. I love road trips.

But if it's like we're talking that you're doing the North Island in a day or something. I love it when you get the front seat or you're driving. Yeah, tomorrow I'm driving to, no, Saturday I'm driving to Tauranga. Perfect. What's that, three hours? Three hours driving. Yeah, that's good fun. Okay, well I've got a hack to help you feel a bit more excited about going through some of our beautiful small towns in New Zealand.

Stunning. Tourism New Zealand? Yes. So, do you remember in Shrek 2? She's already laughing at herself. Do you remember in Shrek 2? No, Shannon, I don't. Which one was Shrek 2?

The best one. The marriage. They're married. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the dad and the mum and they go and visit mum and dad. And then there's the potion. He turns into a horse and the hot guy. Wait, Shrek wasn't hot when he became a human?

Yes. Yeah, he was supposed to be. No. Yes. Are you blind? He's been bald this night. Shrek wasn't supposed to be hot when he turned into a human. Yeah. Well, he was. Mission unac to be. No. Yes. Are you blind? He has the boldest nose. Shrek wasn't supposed to be hot when he turned into a human. Yeah.

Well, he was. Mission unaccomplished. Wow. Shrek 20 for human Shrek. So. Oh, we learn something about her every day, don't we? What happened to Shrek 3 then? Yeah, it was supposed to be like that.

I don't know. No one cares about Shrek 3. They had babies. They had babies. Yeah. Shrek 2 is where it's at. So Shrek 3 is when the babies come along. Yeah. Yeah. Why arek 2 is where it's at. So Shriek 3 is when the babies come along. Yeah.

Yeah. Why are you getting hung up too much on which Shriek is which? I don't know which Shriek is which. Okay, well, anyway, Shriek 2. Hot Shriek is heading into town, and this song starts playing. Hit it, Fletch. Spin it, DJ. Wait, so he's, how's he travelling?

On a wagon? In a carriage. Yeah. Donkey's a horse. Donkey's a horse. He's hot, he's feeling himself. So, my hack is, when you're driving through small town New Zealand, put this song on. Yeah. And?

Oh, that's it. This is the dumbest. This is the worst. This is the absolute worst. This is just a song recommendation, Shannon. This is terrible. But it makes a road trip funner. Because, yeah.

Because what you're singing Funky Town in a town. The original Funky Town not even the 1980s pseudo-echo remix. No, no. I don't know that one.

I like this one. Okay. So your hack is just a song recommendation for a vibe. From Shrek 2. Yeah, so it helps you

have more fun and pass the time. Because then what I would do is I'd be like, oh, three Ks until we're in a small town. And then you'd queue it up and be like, And what do you imagine your Shrek? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you're feeling.

Oh my God, this is the worst one yet. But what if there's three people? Who's the third person going to be? You can be Fiona if you want. She wasn't there in the original one. She wasn't there in this, but she doesn't know he's turned into a handsome man yet. Yeah, okay. This is so flawed

Shannon. All you've done. You can be Puss in Boots. All you've done is discover a song from the 70s and say this is a sick song, you should play it next time you're, that's not a hat. Next time you're driving through, I don't know, Te Kauiri. Te Kauiri. Yeah, Pairoa. Yeah, perfect

for Pairoa. When you're driving, when you're like oh, I feel like we're so close to a small town and you're driving byroa. When you're driving, you're like, oh, I feel like I'm close to a small town, and you're driving by that canal, and you see a boat, and you're like, where does that boat go? You're just north of Pairoa. You're like, quick! Let's take version of Funky Town. Someone did just text in, can confirm,

I'm currently driving through rural New Zealand. The song is banging. You're welcome. Not a hack, though. Zero stars. Zero stars. Yeah, zero stars. Zero stars. That's just a song. Not a hack though, zero stars. Zero stars. Yeah, zero stars. Zero stars, that's just a song.

So that's a unanimous zero stars. Someone just said I'd be the first to die in a survival scenario. 100%. Yeah, we're like, we've got to get a fire lit. And Shannon's like, but wait, we should all sing Funky Town. Funky Town! Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Well, I saw the headline and I was like, no, no.

Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Because the headline reads, Whitaker's. No. No. No. What are you doing? No.

Stop. You shut up. Whitaker's announces changes to its chocolate amid cocoa bean shortage. Because they've now said that like coffee, like cocoa or chocolate is kind of going extinct or it's dwindling. Like bananas. Okay, so, well, this is a weather, yeah, the weather is changing and the climates are changing

and the good news is it means more areas will be able to grow chocolate, coffee and cocaine. What? And outside of the belts, you know, the tropics of cancer and Capricorn., coffee, and cocaine. What? And outside of the belts, you know, the tropics of cancer and Capricorn. Chocolate, coffee, and cocaine. The three Cs. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. So Whittaker's has always used beans from Ghana. Oh, yeah. Right? And now it's going to be diversifying its cocoa sources due to a Ghana chocolate but cocoa shortage. It's going to be adding beans from Uganda sources due to a Ghana chocolate, but cocoa shortage. It's going to be adding beans from Uganda. And that place that I see written down, and I'm always like, man,

what a word. Cote de River. I believe it's the Ivory Coast. It's the Ivory Coast, but it's how they like it to be said. Okay. AKA Turkey. The Turkey. Yes.

Yeah. So we're mixing beans. We're making a mongrel chocolate. We're blending the beans. And they're not going to be able to say on their package anymore, they're not going to reference the Ghana beans because that was where they primarily got all their beans from. Okay, see this, I was

a little worried, but this isn't bad. This isn't like we're watering it down with, I don't know, some kind of No mention of palm oil. Or whatever they put in it. Australian chocolate. What we're creating here is a real Cabernet Sauvignon Merlot situation. I know.

And that is not a nice drink. I know. We're making a Cabernet. When they say, would you like a wine? Yeah. And you say, oh, what type? And they say red or white. And you're like, oh, no, what type of red?

And you're expecting to hear the beautiful words Pinot Noir. Yeah. Maybe Shiraz. Maybe Syrah. Maybe. And someone says Cabernet. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. I don't want that trash. Cabernet, salmon, blanc, mong, moulot.

You're like, no thank you. That's too many words. Have they said how it's, is it going to taste different or is there going to be no. No, it's just a blend of the beans. They don't think it's going to. But it will intrinsically in its soul taste different. Do you reckon? Yeah, the beans are different. That's what it's just a blend of the beans. They don't think it's going to... But it will intrinsically in its soul taste different. Do you reckon? Yeah, the beans are different.

That's what makes it good. It's the beans. It's going to start appearing early December. Okay. Will they tell us or are they just going to put it in? The packaging will change. But they say we remain committed to ethically sourced, fully traceable and Rainforest Alliance certified cocoa.

So that's good. Because did you see... That's very good. Was it the... not the Daily Show, John Oliver last week tonight did a big episode on- Chocolate. Chocolate. Wow.

Have you seen the clips online of people taking chocolate to the cocoa growers? They're like, have you ever tasted? They're like, no, we're not allowed. Oh my God, we must get them a Bicky, a Berry Bicky. They get a, oh, Berry Bicky. We must send them a block of Berry Bicky. I'm going hiking for four days. Oh, yeah.

Are you going to take some? I'm going to take some Berry Bicky. Berry Bicky. I'm going to get a whole slab, but then I'll probably eat it on the first day. Yeah, you want to get a slab for each night. Yeah, I might break it up into tinfoil. Yeah. Tinfoil little slabs for each day.

Yeah. And I would say, you know what I would say? Don't be afraid to revisit the classics. Because I'm back into Caramello. Oh, my God. In a big way. Oh, yeah. I'm also going to do Linded Balls on my hike, too.

Fantastic. Great energy burst. Yeah, a bit posh. We were in the Coromandel with friends, and I got a Berry Bicky. Yeah. And my friend said, can we just get a creamy milk? And I went, sure. Yeah, yeah.

Sure, why not? Great chocolate. Yeah. And sometimes it is nice to I went, sure. Yeah, yeah. Sure, why not? Great chocolate. Yeah. And sometimes it is nice to return to the classic. It sure is. To really taste the simplicity and the depth of flavour in it. Yeah. Do you reckon we've done enough for Whitaker's to send us some Berry Picky?

I mean, we'll certainly have to taste the blend, the new blend. When the blend is released. What we need to do now is buy some. I say, we buy one of I say we do a blind test. We buy one of each flavour. Two of each flavour. There's three of us, three of each flavour. Three of each flavour.

And the producers as well. Five of each flavour. Five of each flavour. Georgia, do you want some chocolate? Six of each flavour. And then when the new ones come out, another six of each flavour. And then just a blind test to see if we can taste the difference. Stay tuned for that.

We'll take one for the team and have how many blocks of chocolate is that? You know, it's an announcement and they're like, we want you guys

to be aware of it, which is nice. Yep. But it's not like we're also putting up prices and taking down the size. None of that mentioned,

which is good. Yeah. And we're not upsetting the birds in the rainforest in the monkeys. No, the rainforest ticks, so, you know. Good news.

Could have been a lot worse. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Halloween today. Happy Halloween. You may have heard Brit in the news. Oh, Hallow's Eve. You may have heard Brit in the news mention the warning.

There's still unaccounted meth lollies out there. So if you are taking kids out, Google that news story and get a picture of what they looked like. Yes. Yellow, weren't they? Yeah, maybe avoid those ones. Yeah. Which is sad because when they're not meth lollies,

they're actually really yummy, those ones, aren't they? So I hope they find all of those. Yeah, I love them. I always get them after eating Korean food. Yeah, there's always a bowl of them at restaurants. But yeah, maybe do a check there. Little yellow bonbons. And don't be, if you are giving out candy to kids,

don't give healthy stuff. Oh, you're like, ooh, carrots? It's not what it's about. Grow up. They've had enough sugar. Anyway, hit me with some spooky music, please, for Halloween. Perfect. Now, this is the same music we used last week

when we talked about children that say spooky things. Yes, it was the kid who believed he sank on the Titanic. Okay, so you know I was really sceptical when you said that story, but the calls we got were pretty insane. How good was that? Well, the reason I want to talk haunted houses today is not only because it is the 31st of October, thus Halloween, I was reading an article about a New York real estate agent who was having trouble selling a house because it was haunted.

And did you know, shut up, did you know in some states in America, it is actually, because you know there's legal requirements for real estate agents. They have to disclose a certain amount of things. It's a legal requirement. Only if you get caught, right? If you get caught, yeah.

They have to disclose suspected haunting or paranormal activity if it is brought to their attention. Are you kidding me? But it's not grounded in any kind of science or basis. Shut up, science. It's normally a gas leak. It's normally a gas leak. It's normally a gas leak or an area where there's not enough

pressure and the carbon dioxide builds up in a pocket and then you see things. You see things and you're a bit loop-de-doo. Shut up. I've seen a ghost once. In New Zealand, we don't have this law, but we do have the law that real estate professionals cannot withhold information about a property that should in fairness be shared with potential buyers.

So if you're told that it's haunted, you should. And if the real estate agent doesn't disclose that, he's breaking the code of conduct. We will remove his license. Now, he was having trouble selling this house because it was haunted, all sorts of things, doors opening and closing, things reckoning around, and so he

kind of embraced it instead and was like, this is pretty cool. And it worked. He sold the house because someone wanted to buy a haunted house. Really? Yeah. This is what I want to know this morning. And it worked. He sold the house because someone wanted to buy a haunted house. Really? Yeah. This is what I want to know this morning. I want to hear from our lovely listeners on this Halloween,

All Hallows' Eve. You know I was a teen witch. Your story is about haunted houses. Maybe you've lived in a haunted house before. You've been there where strange activities have happened and you can't explain it. Now, I haven't stayed in a haunted house but I did, I was in a hotel in Palmerston North and this was

the time I was in the same hotel and I had COVID-19 this was the time that I was staying there and I opened my eyes and I saw a ghost and he was standing, he was in a grey suit and he was sweating and crying and it was an old man All that happened there and everything has a reasonable explanation all that happened there, and everything has a reasonable explanation. All that happened there is you were drunk,

a man had a key to your room and probably swiped into the wrong room. I had not been drinking, thank you very much. And then left. I had not been drinking. No, she was drinking and on the way home from the pub she swung by the Ryman and she picked herself up a hottie and then took him home, did unspeakable

things to him. So he was sweating and crying. And then he got himself redressed, but he's sweating and crying because of the sins you've put on him. None of this is true. And that's when you kind of came to again. Also, when we checked into that hotel last time, you said to the guy at the front desk, I don't want the, what did you say?

I said, I don't want to stay in that room because that one's haunted. I saw a ghost last time he was here. He was so unimpressed. He just looked at you like, what are you talking about, you crazy lady? Yeah, yeah. Okay, 0800 DALS at M.

We want to hear from you. I'm going to roll my eyes, but Hayley will believe you. I will believe you. Is your house haunted? Have you lived in a haunted house before? Rate your story

out of five. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, yeah. How many oohs we give you? 0800 DALS at M. 9696. Have many oohs we give you? 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. Have you lived in a haunted house?

Happy Halloween, and to celebrate, I have been allowed one of my spooky phoners. Spooky. Do you live in a haunted house? Have you lived in a haunted house? Your haunted house stories. Have you stayed in a haunted house? Yeah. Maybe the windows weren't open enough and the gas built up and it made

you see things. Yeah. Because there's a reasonable explanation for everything, Hayley. Shut up. Spooky. Dania, good morning. Morning. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween, Dania. Happy Halloween to you guys. Okay. Tell us your spooky haunted house story,

please. So, when I was about 18, me and my mum moved into a rental and it was like an older like probably like early 50s house. Okay. Great year for construction. Spooky decade. Post-World War II, spooky decade. Spooky. So, in the

kitchen I had like those random small cupboards right at the top that most people would need a step. Okay. They didn't design kitchens well back in the day, did they? No. A lot of corner cupboards too. A lot of corner cupboards. Silly small cupboards.

And every now and again I'd come out and they'd be open. And I'm like, well, I'm not tall enough to open them. My mother, bloody hell, was a midget. So she's not tall enough to open them. I don't think we say midget, but your mother was a short woman. She was a small lady. So she's not torn up to open them. I don't think we say midget, but your mother was a short woman, a little person. She was tiny.

She was a small lady. Petite lady. I tell you what, crack is on the show this morning. And then, so yeah, they were open

like quite often. I'd just kind of jump up and close them and didn't think much of it. Right. And then there was one morning where I was kind of

half asleep walking out of my bedroom. They looked straight up the hallway into the master bedroom and it was about four o'clock in the morning and I saw like a small child like figure like running towards the living room and I

just kind of was like, I'm still half asleep like whatever. And then in the same house I was sitting in the spare room on the computer and I was home alone and I saw like a woman's figure walk past the door. And then we come to find out

like probably six months later, after I'd mentioned this to my mum, that because the house was kind of down off the road, like you could literally drive like into it. And apparently someone did and a mother and her child died. And a car accident. Were they in the house or in the car?

Yeah, the car went into the house and they died. So they were living in the house when the car crashed into it and it killed them and they lived in the house. Is that what opened the cupboards? Yeah, so where the car went into was in the master bedroom. Oh my gosh. Because I was going to say, technically if they were in the car, their ghost should be haunting the car went into was in the master bedroom. Oh, my gosh. Because I was going to say, technically, if they were in the car, their ghost should be haunting the car, not the house.

No. But if they lived in the house, they get to haunt the house. Yeah, they were in the house. But then also, if I crashed outside a house, I'd just haunt the house because, you know, you're not going to get wet. It's nicer than in the car. And you'll crash the car, don't you? It's a bit warmer.

A bit warmer. And then the car gets recycled into a toaster, and then you've got to haunt a toaster? Yeah, boring. Boring. they? It's a bit warmer. A bit warmer. And then the car gets recycled into a toaster and then what, you've got to haunt a toaster? Yeah, boring. Dania, that's a great story. Also, I just think the cupboards opening

were just old ass latches. Yeah. They didn't have good latches. I believe you. I believe you. That's what I put it down to and then I saw the little figure

and I kind of put that to Oz half asleep. But then when I was wide awake and I saw the woman like her hair, it looked like she was, like, in the wind. Oh! Great ghost story.

I give it three oohs out of five. Yeah, I'll give it three as well. Thank you, Danielle. Let's go to Sarah. Good morning, Sarah. Good morning. This was your son's house. Yes.

So my son, we've owned a house for about, well, I don't know, 10 years. My son's been living there the last few years and it's all been fine until about a year ago and he was woken up a few times by someone like pulling on his leg. Oh no!

And this has happened a couple of times. The cat also gets spooked. Sometimes it just suddenly like turns around and stares and gets all at nothing. Oh. It got so bad that he said, look, I can't stay there. I'm coming to stay at your place.

So we had to get the house blessed by a priest. So the priest went round last week. How much is that? How did you know the ghost was Catholic, though? What if you went round and the priest's like, oh, I can't actually deal with it, it's a Hindu ghost? I don't think that matters. I think it covers all ghosts.

What religion, the ghosts? I think it covers all ghosts. All humans. How much is that? To cut a long story short, it didn't work. What a surprise. What a shock. Okay.

Did that cost you money, that service? Wow. This is interesting. You actually just get a donation. Of course you do. Cool, huh? Yep. But because it hasn't worked,

and my husband said, well, is this like performance-based? Fair enough to ask for a refund. I like the kind of disguise. Jeremy's asking for a refund on a botched ex. Does your husband work in HR? Yeah. So wait, this was only last week. So the house is currently still haunted?

Well, it didn't work yet. So he went home, and then the second night that he was at home, he'd just gone to sleep and about half an hour into his sleep, he got woken up by something growling in his ear. Oh, yuck. That's why the priest came in and it's a ghost dog. It's a ghost dog.

Maybe. That's just pulling on his leg. It's like, get out of bed. He rocked the ghost up. The ghost is not happy. So now I have to get, I'm either going to have to get the Iwi in or I'm going to have to get a carevoyant or someone else.

I'd go through the phone book. I'd get everybody. I'd get a Muslim cleric. I'd get a... Get some sage in there. I'd get a Presbyterian in there. Get a Anglican. Pulling on the leg.

I don't like the ghost touching me. Mormons? Get the Mormons in. I'd get the Mormons in. I'd get the Jehovahterian in there. I get an Anglican. Pulling on the letter. I don't like the ghost touching me. Get the Mormons in. I get the Mormons in. I get the Jehovah's Witnesses in. Almost call them the Jehovas. Get them all in. They're all welcome. All welcome.

All welcome. Do your thing. You're right. Get a martyr in. I'd even try to get Dan Aykroyd in the original Ghostbusters. I would actually. Well, one of them's dead. One of them is.

Oh, right. We'll get the dead one. We'll get Bill Murray in there. Might be, yeah. Okay. Wow. If you do have any listeners who do this kind of gig. Sarah, has anybody else, because you said you lived in this house for a long time and

never experienced it. Has anybody else experienced these things in person or is it just your son? Well, I've never lived in the house. We bought the house for my mother-in-law and she didn't have anything. But it's only in the last year that things have been happening. So it's like someone's brought the ghost in. I don't know whether it's arrived.

Is mother-in-law still with us? Yes, but she lives in England. That's what I was going to say. You bought the house for her. She could be in the house. No, she's in England. She's like, you mucky boy, I see what you're doing when the lights are off and you're by yourself.

Naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty. Leave it alone. Stop playing with it. Can I ask that we get, Sarah, when you come to a solution, can you keep us updated, please? Call us back. We'd love to know. Oh, I'd love an update, yeah.

Which religion was the ghost is my question. Yeah. Sarah, thank you. Some messages in. There's thousands of messages in. There's so many. We're not going to beat that. I just don't even know.

They're all like long. My uncle had a grandfather clock named Maisie. We're naming clocks now? That my grandfather had restored. When he was passing, he asked the clock to help Grandad pass. And the clock stopped working. No matter what he did, the clock wouldn't start again. The day of the funeral, he thanked her, the clock,

for helping Grandad pass. And the clock went... Oh! And started swinging again. Oh, my God. That is a start of like a horror movie. Yeah. Someone said, when I was a kid,

I used to see an old man in a top hat standing in the corner of my room at night. Almost looked like a static image, but I could tell it was an older man. Turns out an old guy had died in the house years before. Weirdly though, it felt comforting more than scary. God, now I'm starting to think that ghosts are real.

I'm like, are they just like looking at you in your house while you're doing stuff? I do all sorts of things in my house. That's my house. You don't need them seeing that. Your rules don't apply here. Cut a lime and put it in your room.

It works. That's what somebody said. If you've got ghost problems, Sarah, get your son a lime. Can I ask, does a concentrated cheap lime juice from the supermarket work? No. What about a lime? Like a long video. What about a lime fruit burst?

Only if it's chewed. To release the essence. To release the lime. To release the lime essence. We named our family house ghost Jeffrey. He'd close all the doors around the house and you'd just hear a family member yell, thanks, Jeff. Well, you've got to laugh,

otherwise you're scared and crying, aren't you? Otherwise you cry. Oh my God, hell yeah. I lived in a haunted house. I even saw him a wee boy with a red baseball cap on. He used to move my house plants, put the toilet seat up and down. I was a mess living in that house. I had to move out.

Fred Durst. Fred Durst. Yeah, Fred Durst doesn't put the toilet seat down, does he? And his classic red baseball cap. There's so many messages. There's so many. So we couldn't get to them all. Happy Halloween.

Thanks for your texts. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. We should have done facts about witches all week. Oh, yeah, for Halloween. Spooky facts. Spooky week. The problem with most of these stories is they're not facts.

One. Yes. Now, today's fact of the day is about one of my favourite flags. Because it's flags all week It's flags all week And next week too probably You reckon? Yeah because we're away tomorrow

So I've only had to do three But I've already got like eight Short week for us Easy Easy pickings here Doing two flag weeks And our own flags are Very factual

So it's about One of my favourite flags The Canadian flag Good flag Good flag Maple leaf is instantly recognisable. Instantly recognisable.

Simple. If you can draw a maple leaf that's not always simple but once you've got it you've got it. Yeah. And way better than

Canada's old flag which is a union jack up in the corner like us. I was going to say some colonised thing. Then the body of the flag is just a big chunk red.

Yeah. And then there's a crest with like a harp and some maple leaves. And a lion and then three other things. And then three of those things that look like scout emblems. See, this could have been our Red Peak. Yeah. They simplified. They got modern on it.

Yeah. Just simple. Union Jack. Beautiful. Well, the fact is the man that designed this george stanley in 1964 stanley a military veteran an educator he said our flag and as an educator he said our flag is too complicated yeah we need a simple flag these children they struggle to draw these flags they've got to remember all these different aspects to the flag i propose to you the iconic

maple leaf flag and he said look how simple it is. He received death threats when he went public with this. Really? Yeah. It started getting a little bit of a groundswell. And he started getting serious death threats from people saying, how dare you? I remember when we had the flag referendum,

I was so passionately against that sanitarium flag that everyone. John Key loved it. It looked like, it was so tacky. It was so embarrassing. And I was like, God, that would be embarrassing to have that flag. And then when Red Peak was the last minute, I was like, that is perfect. That's what we need. That's perfection.

Beautiful. That or the laser Kiwi. Laser Kiwi. Laser Kiwi. But people were, they were so passionate about it. And then we did nothing and we wasted all that money. We still got our sort of budget Australian one. Our coloniser flag.

There's not many countries with black flags, eh? No, pirate countries. Yes, that is the problem. Countries with black flags. No country has established all black as its official nation's flag. How mean would that be? Black with the silver fern on it. Yeah.

Simple. Just with the simple silver fern on it. It's a bit dark, though, isn't it the silver fern on it. Yeah. Simple. Simple silver fern on it. It's a bit dark, isn't it? It's a bit dark. Yeah. I'm literally working backstage today. Look at them. We're all black.

You look like a roadie. We love black clothes here. So he received, because in 1964, the Prime Minister of Canada at the time said, I think we need a new, I think personally we need a new flag. Okay. This is a little outdated. It represents stuff that isn't, you know, modern Canada. And people were, you know, heated debate

because this is the flag that people fight under and die under in world wars. Yeah. And that's a lot of the, was a lot of the case with, we stick with old blue. Yeah. After the referendum because people said, you know, this is the, there's still so many

people alive that have fought and died for this flag. But they fought and died for the country not the actual flag. Under the flag, the flag bearers symbolism and stuff. New Zealanders aren't really patriotic like that. You're patriotic to their flag where it's America.

People put them on their front doorsteps. You cannot desecrate the American flag. But a bit more patriotic to their flag where it's America. People put them on their front doorsteps. It's nuts. You cannot desecrate the American flag. But a bit more patriotic to like the silver fern, I think. Yeah. Yeah. We do. But is that trademarked? You couldn't just put that on it.

You'd have to have a manky looking fern like they had at the flag referendum. Yeah. Because isn't the actual like all black silver fern, isn't that trademarked or something? Is that a thing? I'm sure the all blacks would let us have it. Come on, let us have it. Come it. Come on, let us have it. Come on. Come on, let us have it.

So they, like us, had a few options kind of put forward. One had a beaver on it. Now that, to me, put the beaver on the flag. That sounds absolutely fantastic. I love a beaver flag. But they went for the simplicity and the unifying symbolism of the maple leaf. Good. So in the letter when he said, this is my submission

and this is why I think it would be great, he said that it was just simple. He wanted kids to be able to draw it and he didn't want divisive symbols in there, which the Union Jack was. Yeah. Yes. Because part of Canada, even though it's under Canada,

is settled by the French. Yeah. And so there was a little bit of that. And a plant. That's not divisive. Maybe we should just have a flax bush on ours. Yeah, a green poultry or something. Yeah, with one of those toy toys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A fluffy toy toy. Yeah. That'd be fun. We love those. Yeah, it's got to be a toy toy though. Yeah, because there's one that looks like it that's an invasive one.

Yeah. Oh, okay. That might be confusing. So it was approved in 1964 by the House of Commons. T. That might be confusing. So it was approved in 1964 by the House of Commons tick tick tick and it became the symbol

that we know now as the Canadian flag. But he received death threats about it. So today's fact of the day is the man that designed the Canadian flag the symbol

Maple Leaf with red and white got death threats for his design. Fact of the day day day, day, day. Backstory. And I have kind of talked about it a little bit on air. For the last few weeks, I've been experiencing my autistic killer discomfort.

You have. I regularly check for lumps and bumps. No lumps. No bumps. You got checked out? I went to the doctor and she checked for lumps and bumps. Yep. No lumps, no bumps.

No lumps, no bumps. You did some tests? I did like a urine test and got a course of antibiotics, but then apparently there was nothing in the urinary test that indicated any form of infection or anything like that.

So that was just antibiotics for nothing? Yeah. Oh God, gut health. Get some yogurt in here. Oh yeah, you better get my Kim Cheese. Yeah, get your Kim Cheese. That's cheese with ketchup on it, right? Kim Cheese.

Yep. I've been eating so much of that since. Kim's Cheese. Trying to rebuild my gut health. Yep. So the next step is I've been referred for an ultrasound of trying to rebuild my gut health so the next step is I've been referred for an ultrasound of the area

of the balls and pelvic area, the lower abdomen area mum thinks I've got cancer but don't worry about it I love that she came out fast what did your mum google? she puts her symptoms in anyway, whatever so I've got an yeah, anyway. Anyway, whatever.

So I've got an ultrasound. I'm not particularly worried about it. I've got an ultrasound of the area tomorrow. Yeah. Like around the D and B. Or on the B. On the Bs and around the D. Are you going to have a look inside your D?

I don't know. I've never had one before. I've never had an ultrasound. Wait, do they ultrasound your D and Bs. Well, they have to pull it and then it'll run it along the thing. I don't know how an ultrasound works. I've had heaps. Right? Cold lube. I just had one on my shoulder like four weeks ago.

Yeah. And they lube it up. Because I've ultrasound when we had our girls. Yeah. And I went to the ultrasound and they lubed up the tummy and like rolled it around to get it. Yeah. And that's what we're looking for and that. It can get quite uncomfortable though when they're looking for a specific thing. So they've got to dig it into some bits and get up under bits.

Yeah. I've never had an ultrasound before. I'm kind of like, this will be interesting. Here's my question. Okay. We're finally there. Because when I booked the appointment and the guy said, here's the time, Friday morning, 8.30, I was like, okie dokie. And then I said, and he's like, have you got any other questions?

And I said, just before you go. Just a question. Is there any preparation of the area required? What am I doing with the pubes? That's what you mean by preparation. Correct. Is there any preparation of the area required? Yeah.

And he kind of chuckled yeah and said oh no no no none there i was like no shaving no nothing and he said up to the individual on what makes them comfortable but it's not medically the machine will get through it so here's my question how prepped am i getting because i'm gonna I'm having a tidy up down there. You don't want to look like a skin on chicken breast. No. Like a shaved. No. Not an SRD.

You're not ready to party. I'm not first date prepping. No. I'm not getting ready for some action. But what am I going to do? We actually have a friend who is a doctor. Yes. Dr. Shawnee.

And Dr. Shawnee joins us now. Good morning, Dr. Shawnee. Morning, team. Hi. Dr. Shawnee and I, we're doing the heafy track tomorrow. Oh, you are? You are? Yeah.

What are your pubes looking like for the heafy track? Well, you don't need to trim your pubes for the heafy track. Well, you never know what you might come across, though. As a medical professional. Actually, we do have a friend that hooked up with a guy in a dock hut. Remember that? Yes, yes. Nathan hooked up with that guy.

He didn't even have grinder. No, it wasn't even in the hut. It was behind where they keep all the coal. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Honestly. Why not? Nature, beautiful thing.

They've got a built-in grinder. So, as a medical professional, what is the preferred situation when there's going to be an investigation into that area? Well, I guess the first question is, Vaughan, how hairy are your balls? No, I do regularly trim. I go from long to nothing and then just wait for it to grow back and then just do it all at once. Oh, okay.

That's an interesting way. I don't trim because you don't maintain. Nah. Well, I'd never let it get like crazy out of control long and then just go back to zero. Start from nothing. Because you wouldn't do that if it was your garden. You wouldn't just let the lawns grow like two foot tall and then weed whack it.

No. Because you're making much harder work when it finally comes to the weed whacking. Yes. An ultrasound wand, you know, they can see through skin and stuff, so they can definitely get through a few hairs for you. Right. But do you have a for you, is there

I know the answer's no, but there's no judgement, is there, whether it's full bush or you know, first day. No, dreadlocks like dreadlocks down there. There's no judge. We get to see you know, first day of the year. Like dreadlocks down there. There's no judge. We get to see, you know, have to see everything, you know, anything from completely shaven to full bush and any, you know,

kind of age level. So there's zero judgment from a medical professional because we've seen it all before. Yeah, but would you still find it? It'd still be weird if someone was completely like shaven down to like a chicken breast with skin on. You'd be like, have you done this for me? It's their own. People can have their body however they like.

I don't have a choice. The biggest thing, however, and this is incredibly important, hygiene. Make sure that you're clean. Always clean. Oh, yeah. Always clean. You were saying people go to the doctor after a sweaty day at work. Not often, but it has happened.

Yeah. So give it maybe a little packet of baby wipes in the glove box. I've got a KFC lemon fresher towel. Perfect. Perfect. I also don't think that they ultrasound your... Shaft.

Shaft, yeah. Were you looking for a medical term for dick there? Well, I didn't know if I was allowed to say dick. I think penis, I think you could say penis. That's the bill as a common phrase, but also... You get a full report on your boys down there, though, Vaughan. So I think I want to see that report. You want to see the report?

Yeah. Well it's a free medical advice. Yeah exactly. Yeah I showed Seanie my shadow flaps. He's seen my x-rays and ultrasounds and stuff. Poor Sean. Poor Sean. Every time we do a medical because every time we've ever hung out everyone's

bombarding you with medical questions. I'm just like, leave my line. Well, this is more of a pube question than a medical question. Yeah, but no, this was just more like, what am I like, three and shave the balls? Oh, yeah, like a four, level four. Because I can't clip up clippers. I think the pubis and the balls are two different areas

and should be treated thus. And I think that the balls, I think we're going to go right down. Shave the balls. I think shave the balls, I think we're going to go right down. Shave the balls. I think shave the balls. And clip it. I tend to agree. Yeah, and clip the penis. You're going to get all the ultrasound gel

all over them as well. And if that's all mixed up in long-term... Tusting. Yeah. Congealing. It's not good. No. Do they put a towel over your bits?

I'm going to need some more KFC lemon water. You will. For afterwards. Dr. Shawnee, thank you for your medical advice there. Okay, so we're not settled on, okay, we're shaving the moors, but upstairs, two or three? Three. Three.

I think two is too sexy. Four is too long. Do whatever's in your heart. Two is too sexy. Follow your heart. Follow your heart. I think two, for me, two is too sexy. Three is fine for a non-sexy appointment.

You don't want to send the wrong message to the sonographer, you know? Exactly. That's the worry, yes. These poor people have to do this every day. We disagree. We do do it every day, so you get very used to it. It's like people that do Brazilian. Can we make an agreement here on behalf of sonographers everywhere

that we always have it tidy up before we go. I mean, yeah, but they don't care, Vaughan. Like they say, like... Yeah, I just said choice of the job. Choice of the job. I think it would be preferred, I think, if we all just do a little maintenance. Fantastic.

If you're going into surgery, they shave you. Okay. Wow, really? Yeah. Well, if there's an area that they need to put an incision in, it's got hair on it. That's what I wanted because I... Hair can catch infection, and so they shave it, and then...

Yeah. That's already okay. All right, Dr. Shawnee needs to pack for this trip we're going on because he hasn't packed everything. Oh, can you go get your hiking socks, please? I can't believe you're going on a massive hike and you don't have hiking socks. Yeah, he's got to get his hiking socks.

Dr. Shorty, thank you very much. Thanks. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Post Malone on ZM, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley, 9 o'clock. Over the next month, I'm travelling around all of New Zealand with a seven days live tour. Come and see us if you want to see us. And don't if you don't.

Okay. You know, I'm fine with both of those. Bit of reverse psychology. Don't come. Yeah, yeah. Don't come. See if I care. You guys probably wouldn't like it anyway.

Yeah, yeah. If you don't like comedy and laughter and joy, then don't bother. Then don't bother. Yeah. But you're pretty much going everywhere, aren't you? Yeah, Blenheim, Tauranga Napier, Wellington, Christchurch, New Plymouth, Palmy,

Invercargill, Hamilton. Wow. Everywhere. But tomorrow off to Blenheim we fly to Blenheim and then we fly back from Blenheim and then drive to Tauranga. Strange route. I wouldn't have chosen that one but that's fine. I'm not the producer. But we have to drive, we're driving in sort of convoy in our own cars

to Tauranga because everyone has to be back at different times so it just worked out better. For some reason, I put up my hand to drive me, Josh Thompson and Justine Smith in my vehicle which I've just-

In the old Mazda. In the old Mazda which I've just remembered is the most feral vehicle I've ever been in in my life and I've forgotten and now I was like, shit, I've got to clean it.

I've got a boot full of Salvation Army stuff that has at least two more years to spend in there. So I have to pull that back out and put it back in the garage. Maybe you can finally find a clothing bin. No, no, it's too hard. So now I was like, oh my God, I'm going to the doctor, go to the gym, I'll go home and have a nice chill day. No, I'm going to have to clean my manky, stinky, gross car.

It's weird because every other part of your life is quite orderly, isn't it? Yeah. Your house is always clean. I know. The car, I always say, is a reflection of my headspace.

Crazy. Mad. Frantic. Because that's what they say about if you're going to rent a house to somebody or give somebody a job, you're supposed to have

a peek in their car. Oh my God, I would never. You'd never get a job to somebody or give somebody a job, you're supposed to have a peek in their car. Oh my God, I would never. You'd never get a job. You'd never get a job. They would never have hired me. They'd be like, she's too chaotic. This is chaos. Yeah.

I think this is, sometimes it's good to have something that forces you to do it though, eh? But you quite often, you'll end up having to give us a ride or me a ride. And you're just like, I'm so sorry.

Shoving everything in the back. Just ignore half of this stuff. Ignore the half a cheeseburger on the floor. Oh, you guys coming. Okay, can you just, I was so sorry. Shoving everything in the back. Just ignore half of this stuff. Ignore the half of cheeseburger on the floor. Oh, you guys coming. Okay, can you just, I'm just going to run ahead to the car and I'm just going to quickly move everything. Well, today that gets sorted. Yay. Clean this stupid car. Well, you've got to make

room for two people. Yeah, I know. But hey, now we're off on a long weekend. So, bye everyone. See you. See you Tuesday. Off tomorrow. Off Monday, if you need to catch up on any of the podcasts we'll be a little bit at pods while we're away

as well Fletch did say to me Vaughan I don't know if you heard he said because we're not going to see we're all busy after the show and he said

we're all going away for the long weekend we're not going to see each other for ages genuinely upset because our genuine friendship and I think you can hear that on air

and then he said what if I die what if I fall face down in a puddle and then he said I'll be all bloated you know. And then he said, what if I die? What if I fall face down in a puddle? And then he said, I'll be all bloated. You know how those bodies get if they... Yeah, like I said I could be dying in a river crossing on the heafy track.

Yeah. Can I just say dying in a river crossing on the heafy track is a bit different to falling face down in a puddle? Well, I pictured him face down in a puddle and he said, yeah, I'd be all bloated and I'd say, ha ha, shame, fat. When what? When we went to identify his body. You look terrible bloated. Yeah, she's yeah, I'd be all bloated and I'd say, ha ha, shame, fat. When what? When we went to identify

his body. bloated. Yeah, she'd be like, ha, can't see your jawline now. Ha ha, where's that famous jawline now, Fletch? Bloated. Oh, I just realised

I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards. Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it? We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse

and hopefully they'll work out the other way? Sure. Give us a review. Play ZM's Fletch, Lauren and Hayley.