ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 3rd April 2024

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Red Theory  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Mustelid Puns  What Don't You Remember?  Hayley is Cancelling  Who Saw You Naked?  Vaughan tried to be Helpful  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's a couple of minutes after six. Already Wednesday.

We love that. Although we were just talking about our live shows at the weekend and Sunday morning we'll get a bit of a sleep in because daylight savings. Which honestly is perfect because I'm brewing a blowout. Are you brewing a O3 blow? Saturday night, I'm brewing a blowout.

You're brewing a blowout. It's in the sheet job, is it? Vaughan, you're coming with me. I'm due a blowout. No place like Christchurch for a blowout. He is due a blowout. You are due a blowout. You are due a blowout.

Okay, what kind of blowout are we talking? Are we talking like 3am Margaret Mahie playground? My man. Possibly straight to Christchurch Hospital. You are picking up what I am putting down. Yeah, okay, okay. Somehow we're getting on a flying fox. No, that sounds like a great blowout.

And we ain't stopping. Yep. Fletch, you're there. Producers, you're all coming. You're all scheduling a blowout. I love thisout I love this I love this idea so that extra hour

is going to come in handy yeah but yeah last few days of daylight savings 5 on time is back I have a feeling it'll be back

do you think I reckon next it'll come back into fashions yeah give a 6 I wouldn't be so sure 5 on time is back

this morning at 8 o'clock $50,000 it still hasn't been won. People are getting close, like, you know, within point two. Yeah, point two is sort of the vibe. I think you've got to go early. You've got to go early.

You've got to take into account the brain looking at the time or acknowledging. Telling the mouth to say time. And then the phone line and the radio, it's all a thing. You've got to work it all in together. There's your advice. It's all a thing. It's all a thing.

You know the phone line and the radio. It's all a thing. The brain and the radio. There's a brain and there's a delay. Like, come on, people. We've got to give this money away. $50,000 at 8 o'clock this morning. The top six today.

Yep. Top six. It's dealing with the fact that $500,000 was spent hunting one stoat. Really? In Fiordland. Now, I could have done that for, give me 50 grand,

I would have got a gun, some dynamite. Some grenades. Stoats are the craftiest mustelid. What's a mustelid? Now, a mustelid is the family that the stoat falls into. Ferrets, weasels, otters. Oh, I love otters.

Oh, yeah, otters are real cute. I love otters. Yes. Cold hands. Polecats, mink, wolverine, badgers. All of these are mustelids. Love them. Well, $500,000 spent hunting one stoat.

I've got the top six puns that make that half a million dollar bill easier to swallow. Okay. Okay. Mustelid puns too. So hang around. Oh, God. I'm here for it. Hang around.

Coming up soon in the top six. Next on the show, though. There is a design theory that is going viral and Aaron and I are actually employing this in our own renovatium. The unexpected red theory. Red theory. That is an interior

design theory that is doing the rounds on TikTok and particularly renovation TikToks which I follow a lot of via my chosen platform of Instagram. Now the unexpected red theory is adding

a pop of red apparently instantly approves the look of any space especially in places where it shouldn't necessarily make sense. So like if red is not a colour part of the palette of your house. Well, it's not at all in my house. Not at all in your house? There's nothing red at all.

It's not really in mine either. I've got my Stalin memorabilia. That's red. Now that gag was going to say Nazi memorabilia, but I decided as I was about to say it, I was like, that's not going to fly. Stalin killed more people. Arguably the worst war criminal. He was killing his own people.

A monster. But it doesn't have the Hitler sting, does it? No, it doesn't. But I don't have Stalin memorabilia either, just to completely clear myself of any wrongdoing. He is peddling. Maybe you could have said all my Clifford memorabilia. The big red dog.

The big red dog The big red dog Yes Would look good Now I want to show you guys Some photos you sort of understand So like here's a blue room And just like pop Red cushion

And some people Are taking it further Like painting like trims Or like even just a A red picture frame Boof That looks like a hotel room Suddenly it's like

It does It looks like a QT hotel room Yeah Dora Nomi Or something kind of arty Yeah I like that Somebody did their Fireplace mantelpiece All red That looks good It does. It looks like a QT hotel room. Yeah, Dora Nomi or something kind of arty. I like that somebody did their fireplace mantelpiece all red. That looks good. Like a fire hydrant red.

It's got to be bright red. It can't be like a burgundy or a maroon or whatever. It's got to be. And it has to be unexpected. So like if your walls are red, it's a bit like, oh, okay, there you go. But it's like a random little thing. Very unexpected wall. A wall was red.

That would be stressful, eh? Are people still doing feature walls? Remember when feature walls were a big thing and they were always wallpapered? The rest of the room was painted and they were like wallpapered or purple. Personally, I think we're done with the featured wall. But, you know, it's got a time and a place.

I'll take all my style advice from you, so I'm going to pass that on to those that celebrate. So I saw one and it was really cool. It was like this hallway and the house was quite neutral. But then they painted all these skirtings and door frames red. No. No. I know.

I thought. I was like, that's insane. But it looked good. But then I saw it and I was like, God damn. You see, I don't have any. I don't know what I would paint at my house that would be red. Well, we've been thinking this. Like get a big red table or something.

No, but even like, you know, you've got like artwork. And if that picture frame was bright red. Or like on your couch, if you had like a bright red cushion or. Okay. Yeah, like it can just be something small. Because we've been thinking this. And I said to Aaron, like, you know, we don't want to fall too much because we've got a lot of green in our house.

A lot of green. You do, yes. I was like, we don't want to be the greenhouse. You kind of are. No, but we've got blue. You've kind of got a Christmas theme going year round. And you do love Christmas. You do love Christmas.

Huge supporter of the South Sydney Rabbitohs. You know I love the Rabbitohs. You and Russell Crowe. Yeah. Me, Russell, Rabbitohs, Rabbitohs, go, go, go, the Rabbitohs. You know I love the Rabbitohs. You and Russell Crowe. Yeah. Me, Russell, Rabbitohs, Rabbitohs, go, go, go's, the Rabbitohs. Yeah, that's their saying. Exactly what they, yeah.

So we've been thinking about injecting a bit of unexpected red theory. So there you go. And kind of, if I would say, it looks like the McDonald's red in most of those photos. It's gotta be the McDonald's red. It's gotta be that poppin' red.

Like fire hydrant red, McDonald's red. Like it can't be off. It's gotta be patow. red. It's gotta be that poppin' red. Like fire hydrant red, McDonald's red, like it can't be off, it's gotta be patow. Like a brighter red. Yeah. Okay. Next on the show, who is gonna lead How To Be More Sexy? Because that really feels like a you thing, Vaughn. Well, as the sexy one of the show.

I'm the sexy one of the show. Hang on, I'm definitely the sexiest one of the show. Really? I have a podcast about sex and I've got fantastic No, that's the act of sex. Even'm definitely the sexiest one of the show. Really? I have a podcast about sex and I've got fantastic sex. No, that's the act of sex. Even mingers have sex. And sometimes they're really good at it because they try so hard. Yes, they upskill.

Yeah. Because of their minger face. Yeah, I'm going to try real hard. I'll do stuff other people won't. Yeah, gosh. Chuck it, chuck it anywhere. That sort of thing. No.

So the sexiest man on the show. I'll take care of that. The sexiest person, gosh. Chuck it, chuck it anywhere. That's what they know. Yeah, right. How to be sexy. The sexiest man on the show. I'll take care of that. The sexiest person, yeah. Is it man or person? That's person. That involves me. Person.

Sexiest person. Yeah. Next on the show, how to be more sexy. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. You guys want to know how to be sexy? Yes, please, daddy. Oh, I hate it. I'm sorry, please, daddy. Oh, I hate it. I'm sorry.

I hate it. I'm sorry. You said that. I'm sorry. I hated it. Immediately regretted it, didn't you? A body language who has worked with the head of the FBI. A what?

A body language? A body language expert. Oh, an expert. Oh, sorry. Did I not say expert? You just said a body language. I was like, like that? It's part of my sexy indifference.

Yeah. I don't care if I've made a mistake. Yeah. Can't live in the past. Yeah, right. See how sexy that was? I thought it was quite hot. I filled in the word for you and I was like, that was hot.

Yeah, he helped me. Help me, I'm helpless. No, it's confidence. Okay. Confidence and positivity. I love both those things. I am both those things. You love both those things.

I actually have identified myself as a toxic positive person. Okay. What do you mean by that? Like, how do you think you're toxic and positive? So instead of facing things and maybe like facing the reality that some things aren't great you just toxically

positive them. No, it's fine. It's not going to be that bad. Everything's going to be fine. But then like that's not bad, is it? Apparently. It's better than being like, well, this is all hopeless. I might as well not even bother. Nah, because that's the best one to play.

Which is more of a board. When it's not, like, end of the world, you're like, eh. And then when it's not terrible, you're like, well, that's a positive. I could literally see the meteor coming towards me that is going to blow up the planet. I'll be like, no, it won't, it'll be fine. Honestly, trust me. Like everything in life goes

my way, that meteor is not gonna it's fine. I'd lay down on my back on some nice grass and just watch it. And then if it missed, I'd be like, meh. I'd probably go looting, to be honest. You'd loot. Interesting reaction. You would loot. What would you would loot. Interesting reaction. You would loot.

What would you loot for? The end of the world is imminent. What are you looting for? A giant TV. You wouldn't even get it set up in time. You have it. You'll have it ugly. You'll have it lent up against something watching TV.

That's ugly. And the court will be showing. And you've already got a giant TV. No, I'm going to get a giant TV. No sparky's going to come over, Ray, and wire that thing into the wall. You're like, Mike! Who's our friend that does installs and such. Mike! I'm spending the time with my loved ones.

The end of the world's coming. Comet. Inbound. And you're like, oh, fine. But look at this TV I got! I suppose I'll just have a call. Mike does love big TVs. He'd probably come over just to see it. And then he's going to be in trouble because he's left his loved ones. You need to loot stuff you don't need hands setting up.

Lollies. Food. Yeah, lollies, drinks, that kind of stuff. So number one, if you want to appeal sexy to someone, I'm going to give you some tips. Scott's giving us some tips. Currently, I don't find you sexy. You know, looking at you, I'm just like, yuck.

Yep. Ugh. You know, like, no thanks. Yeah. And again, we have established you've got a cooked taste. Because this is generally very appealing to everybody. I think I have spectacular taste. Okay, so number one, you mimic their mannerisms.

You go on their social media. This sounds creepy, but apparently it works. You go on their social media and you pick up words, like things that these people do, like maybe if they're hair flicky, you become a little hair flicky. You pick up on their gestures, some of their key words, their little nuances.

Okay. And then when you're speaking to them, you work that in. Wow. You work in things that they do because that automatically makes them feel comfortable with you. Right. And it's like they're kind of looking at themselves in a certain sort of way. And we know what, we love nothing more than ourselves.

Yeah. Okay. Second, remove obstacles. If you're sat down with somebody, you move everything out of the way between you. So weird at a dinner date, eh? Just moving the table out of the way. Or just putting your hand on it, just putting all the wine glasses to one side and then putting the handbag down

and swiping everything else back. So there's a clear channel. Or if you're at one of those classy restaurants where the table's bolted to the ground, you'll have to unbolt it. You'll have to unbolt that. You bring a screwdriver. You sit next to them.

Maybe scooch around. I find it so weird when couples sit. They sit on the same side of the table. It all started, we didn't used to be these people. It all started because at Halotau, our favourite local, there's a heated bench and then a seat. And during the winter when we'd go, I'd be like, well, we both want the heated bench.

We'd sit abreast. And now that's just the go-to. At a four-person table, you're too abreast. Yeah. That's not sexy. I'm embarrassed. It's horrendous. I'm really embarrassed about it.

But the obstacles are gone. They're right beside each other now. Either that or you just- You can just hand stuff. You're just both perving at the walkway now though, aren't you? Yeah, and we're both just having a good look around. No one's got their back to any situations that could walk in. The third point is being present and positive.

Basically, don't be on your phone. That should be self-explanatory. That is sexy, to not be on your phone. But if you've been in the game a while, get the phone up there. What are we going to talk about? Something new? Yeah. Like what? I'll Google what we should talk about on the 18th year.

Out there. Confidence positivity. Open your power zones. What's a power zone? Your belly. So you kind of expose the soft underbelly. Like for a tickle, like you don't turn away. We point our belly and our feet in the person's direction.

It's a great indicator to spot if someone's attracted to you. If they're turning their soft belly away from you. I would never think of sort of shoving the pooch to someone. Also keeping your thumbs on show. This is insane. Maintaining eye contact and blinking less.

Because you know when someone's blinking lots, it does make them look like a liar, eh? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because their brain's working overtime to keep the lie. Yeah, yeah overtime To keep up with the lie So this is The engine's overheating So the blink's

Cooling it down a bit What's the theory Behind exposing your thumbs? No no no It's not giving them Thumbs up A constant thumbs up Because is this

Doing it for you guys? Not really no No But it's just like Have your thumbs out Like don't hide them Oh right Not under the table

Don't be sucking on them Or put them in your back pockets Or put them in your pockets Because it's kind of like What are you hiding? It's just like have your thumbs out. Like don't hide them. Oh, right. Not under the table. Don't be sucking on them. Or put them in your back pockets or put them in your pockets because it's kind of like what are you hiding? It's very hiding, the thumbs. You could sit there on the table with like a twiddly thumb situation, but I wouldn't twiddle your thumbs either. No, because that makes you nervous. You look bored.

Yeah. Yeah, or you need a bloody head of meth or something. Anyway, he's the expert. Try all these things. Yeah, okay. Thank you. Belly forward. Feet forward. Don't blink. Thumbs up. Yeah, okay, thank you. Belly forward. Feet forward.

Don't blink. Thumbs up. Mimic them. Yeah. Yeah. Great, sexy tips. And paint something in your house red. Wait, I think we're confusing advice. I think this is one break.

Yeah. And turn up with an unexpected red thing on. Yeah, sure. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly.

That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole, do you wear a singlet? We talked about this yesterday. Do you wear a singlet under your shirts?

Whether you're a cold child. Like a little cold child. A small cold child with no meat on your bones. Yeah. That kid needs some meat on his bones but it's kind of what everyone would wear

like back in the day like men would wear their singlet and then a shirt yeah even in summer they'd wear a short sleeved shirt

I can remember my grandad always wore a singlet yeah it was just what happened grandads wore singlets under like a short

sleeved shirt that they had open yeah because they were hot here's a clue grandad take off your singlet Take off your singlet. We're not scared of a man's nipples. We'll see your nipples.

No problem. Lovely nipples. Yeah, they liked to hide the nipples back then, didn't they? 29% of people wear a singlet under their shirt. 71% no singlets. Okay. Let's get in there. I'm a farmer. Always got to keep a layer On your skin

To keep warm and wool All the way Says Edward Yeah merino Merino is amazing Keep you warm Keep you cold Yeah

Even in summer He can't be wearing A merino singlet in summer No Surely not It keeps you cool Surely not Yeah it does

It keeps you cool Sweatwick Sweatwick Sweatwick It's John Wick's brother It's John John And sweat Yeah Yeah, it does. It keeps you cool. Sweatwick. Sweatwick. Sweatwick. Ed's out there living a bit. Yeah, Sweatwick. It's John Wick's brother. It's John and Sweat. Yeah.

The Wicks. Those were the Wicks. Don't forget their sister, Candle. Yes. The often forgotten member of the Wick family. Yeah. Cigar says, to avoid a sweaty shirt sticking to the bod. Clingy.

That sounds like a wet person. So that person is also using the w. Clingy. That sounds like a wet person. So that person is also using the wicking property. Okay. Now the shirt doesn't stick to the bod. I hope they're going merino. It's the only way.

Thin merino. Liam says technically it's a t-shirt under a shirt. Only because my deodorant ruins the underarms of shirts. Otherwise, so better to ruin a cheap t-shirt. Oh, get yourself some bloody no mark deodorant ruins the underarms of shirts. Otherwise, so better to ruin a cheap T-shirt than a salad.

Come on, get yourself some bloody no-mark deodorant. Yeah, it sounds like you need to change deodorants. No, you need to change. Brunch out. There's lots of brands that do the no-marks. Vaughn doesn't know that. Every single day, Vaughn has deodorant on him. I had one that I bought that was a no-mark.

And I was like, there's the mark, you son of a bitch. Yeah. You've got to stop using links. You were like, I will never stop using links. You should see that. There's a way you're putting it on. I put the T-shirt on now, then put it on. The speed stick.

Yeah, well, that's right. If I'm wearing a white shirt, says Juliet, yes, I will wear a singlet. Okay. Any other shirt? No. will wear a singlet. Okay. Any other shirt? Just wear a skin-coloured bra. Oh, and then everybody's just like, Juliet's got no nips. Yeah, looks like smooth mounds. Yeah.

She's got the Barbie chest. Sarah says, get it together, people. Grow up. What are you, a cold child? Yeah, thank you. Exactly. Get some meat on your bone. That kid needs some meat on his bones.

Yes, especially if it's sheer. What does that mean? The singer. Yeah. Obviously. No, like see-through. Oh, so their shirt's see-through, they'll wear a singlet.

Yeah. Understandable. Yeah. It's the only time. My husband kind of does too. He double t-shirts. He double t-shirts. He must be real skinny.

You know some skinny guys do that. Double t-shirt. I couldn't. It would add too much bulk. No, but they want the bulk. That's why they do it. Right. They double t-shirt.

Yeah, or triple t-shirt. Not a problem. Triple t-shirt? Yeah. Wow. Devin, if we could know if your husband's a skinny little fellow and needs some meat on them bones. Yep.

That would explain his triple t-shirt. Or he's a cold child. Or he's a cold child. He's a cold child. He needs some meat all his wives. I do sometimes, Amanda, depending on the top, my partner does sometimes when it's cold and honestly, it gives me the ick.

Yeah, it's ick. It is, it's ick. A man in a singlet. I'm so cold. I've got to wear a little layer underneath my shirt. A small vest. Yeah. An inside vest.

Yeah. Wear like a merino or a polyprop or a thermal. Yeah, like wear something with a ceiling. Please don't wear a thermal. Why? That's embarrassing. You're not on a mountain. If you're on the mountain, excuse.

No, if you're in a cold climate, like you live in the South Island. Just wear a jacket, my king. Don't wear a thermal. You look like you're about to go high country. I'm torn. It gives me the ick. You know what? Seeing an Aucklander in a thermal, grow up.

It's never that cold. It's literally 20 degrees. Chuck a jacket on. Chuck like a top on. I'd rather see a thick jacket on a mild day than an Aucklander walking around with a thermal under a t-shirt. Yeah. Like, what are you, a child up a mountain?

What are you, a skinny child up a mountain? Gives them meat on them bones. Kat says, not anymore. I was forced to as a kid. Kat, I was also a mountain gives him meat on them bones. Kat says, not anymore. I was forced to as a kid, Kat. I was also a singlet child. Same. Get a chill on the lower back. You haven't got your singlet on.

No. Mum gave up when we got to college. But I even remember intermediate polo shirt, singlet underneath. Oh, did they tease you? Oh, my gosh. Nah, because I think a lot of people were. Yeah, right. Probably kept your pointy nips at bay, though.

Yeah, God. They were very puffy. I was in my development stage. Yeah, right. Probably kept your pointy nips at bay, though. Yeah, God. They were very puffy. I was in my development stage. Yeah, before they turn into, so they're hardened. They're puffy, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when they're a puffy nip. Little dog snouts. Not anymore.

I was forced to as a kid. It's taken years to stop thinking I always had to have a singlet on. Yeah. It's beaten into us. Yeah. Lisa. Grumpy Lisa? Grumpy Lisa. Grumpy Lisa's back. This. Grumpy Lisa? Grumpy Lisa.

Grumpy Lisa's back. This is Grumpy Lisa the giggles, so thank you. Oh my God, we've made Grumpy Lisa happy. We've softened her. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

As a HCA, healthcare associate? Blubber? Assistant? HCA. HCA, I think it's a health... Hot Cool Auntie. Okay.

All my residents wear singlets Oh so it's healthcare It is like a Like it may be aged care Yeah maybe aged care And all my residents wear singlets So unless you're under 10 or over 80 You shouldn't be wearing singlets

They're funny wee things And they actually do sweet F.A. You're a big person now You can hold your heat mate You're mobile Look at you go Exactly Don't wear a singlet

Or as the posh old ladies call them, a Spencer. Ew. Don't call it a singlet if you don't want a dear old lady scratching you and saying it's called a Spencer. A Spencer? I've never heard that. Can I just say, Grumpy Lisa? Yeah. Regular contributor to the show.

Yeah. And we've always said, oh, she's grumpy. She works in healthcare. Helping old people with issues. I know. Lovely. Lovely person. And we've always said, oh, she's grumpy. She works in healthcare. Helping old people with issues. I know, lovely. Lovely person. And declining health. I know.

I sort of wanted her to be a bit of a bastard. I wanted her to be a bitch. Yeah, same. I wanted her to be a professional alcoholic. But she's an absolute hero. She's a hero.

She's a hero. She's a hero. So now I can understand why at the end of a long, hard shift, she sees the pole and she might be a bit grumpy. She might be a bit grumpy

because she's just been smiling all day at what would be, I'm imagining, a very stressful job. And had some bloody 90-year-old chewing her ear off about a Spencer. Yeah, totally. All brown people. I am now... Even the brown ones.

That's the hard thing to swallow sometimes. An old brown person whinging about brown people. No one is more racist Than an old brown man No one I henceforth would like to make a ruling Okay Grumpy Lisa

Expelled No no Expelled Permission granted to be as grumpy as you want Oh be as grumpy as you want Absolutely Let us be your vent for grumpiness After a hard day

Doing the good Lord's work. Please. To those that celebrate. Amen. Amen. Yeah. Throw him with him in him. And all unity of all experience.

Grumpy listen now, my big grumpy. Forever and ever. Amen. That's a little pop. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Our first of the live shows this Friday in Auckland at the Civic. Still some tickets left. Ticket master for those.

When you say some, it's like 70 or something like that. So, run, don't walk, run, don't walk. Now, producer Carwen made a gruesome discovery. Only a few days ago, she went to have a humble soup, I believe. Yes. Look, sometimes I just need to get all my veggies in and quit. Soup's the best way. So those like fun little soups that are in the supermarket that are like quinoa and carrot and pumpkin.

You know, like all the good ones. Are they the ones in a bag? Or a can? A sack. In a sack. A sack. I like those. Those are yum.

Some of those are yum. Yeah, I've been born. Why don't you... Those are for rabbits. No, they're for men. Soup's got to have... Men need chicken and beef. No, they have chicken,

but they have vegetable ones and meat ones. Meat ones. Something for everyone. Yeah, they've got all kinds. Good. Yeah, the... got all kinds. Good. Yeah. But you know Carlin's a vegetarian, so she wouldn't get a chicken one.

Right. Or a meat one. Yes. Could you just pick the chicken out? That feels like a hassle when they already make veggie ones. Yeah, totally. Okay. Okay, so she went for a humble quinoa sack of goop.

Yeah. I went to rip it open and there was a smell, hit by a smell and I was like, oh, okay, maybe it is like really, you know, maybe it is really,

really good for you, really healthy. Yes. And then I tore open the packet a little bit more mould. Oh yeah. So much mould.

Yeah, I know, I had to pop that in the chat. Paul's always sending me gross photos. He is always sending you gross photos of rats. Yeah, dead rats. Did I send you the one I caught the other day?

Yeah, you did. Massive. I caught two last week. They were both huge Norwegians. They're getting up to the size of cats. Yeah, dude. The pelts on them, I'm finger-skinning them and keeping the pelts, making myself a lovely rat coat.

Yuck. Actually, though. What, for when you go underground to lead a team of mutant turtles? Yes. Okay. Yes. I was going to do the accent. I'm not going to now. Okay. I was going to do the accent. I'm not going to now.

Okay. Do it. I was going to do the squint right there. Do it. Okay, so you get hit by a smell. And I see the mould. And it was like clumps of mould. It was bad.

It was bad. What's the best before date? Did you check that? Yeah, normal. It wasn't off. It shouldn't be off. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I think

that maybe there was like a little cut in it somewhere and ears got in. Because it is like the, what do they say? Like not pasteurised or something. You know, like it doesn't have heaps of preservatives or anything like that. So if ear has got to it, I guess it's gone off. And so then I flicked a little email to the company. Because I was

like, what if this is a bigger issue? What if more people are getting hit with moulds? She's a woman of the people. I know. Of the people, for the people. And also I was disappointed that I didn't have any dinner anymore. And she's hungry. Yeah, and she's hungry.

But I've had an email back and they're going to send me back my $4.59. $4.59. That's a big settlement. Were they like apologetic? Are you breaching an NDA even speaking about this? What have you signed? I've not said the name of the company, you know? Okay.

No. Yeah, they were, but they just kind of explained that, yeah, if air gets into it or if it's got a tear or anything, it can go off. Right. So what are you going to do with your $4.59? Are you buying another soup or are we going crazy? I might go crazy and almost afford an entire coffee. Wow. This is what people do

once they get a big settlement from a company. They go out and they splash. They blow it all. You need to invest. I would get a financial advisor. You know, this influx of money. We don't want it to change you, Carwin. You're a lovely person and I would hate for this to sully that. I can't believe they didn't give

you another couple of vouchers or something. Well, they've just asked for my bank account, so maybe they'll chuck in an extra five or something. Oh, yeah. That'll defraud you. You should send them back an email with your bank account, but send it from the work email and put the big Herald logo.

To be fair, the whole time I have been using my working model. Change your signature from producer to investigative journalist. Yes. And then, yeah. You might get a little bit more. I might get $10. Yeah, because they wouldn't want a bad expose on their soup. That's just what I'm saying.

Mouldy soup. Yeah, they've had one. Now you're not getting anything. That's just what I'm saying. Well, they've got one. They've had one. Mouldy soup. Yeah. Yeah, they've had one. Now you're not getting anything. We haven't said the company, so that's all right. Yeah. Good. Oh, great. Well, $4.59.

What did you have for dinner instead? What did I have instead? Mac and cheese. Oh, yeah, I did. Wow. And Shannon just outed you on here. Mac and cheese, you piece of shit. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. $500,000 was spent hunting a stoat in Fiordland, a beautiful part of our country. Yeah, that's a lot of money. It's a lot of money. For one stone.

It's a lot of money. But once you start, you know, when you're $200,000 into a hunt. Yeah, what are you going to bail? You're like, how much longer? Yeah, I've already spent $200,000. I've got to come back with a body. And then you spent $300,000, no body.

$400,000, no body. $500,000, I got the body. You're like, hooray, I got it. You're like, how much did that cost? And you're like, beg your pardon? And they say, how much did that cost? And you say, I don't want to talk about it. Because you got carried away.

We got carried away. You got carried away. It's like doing up an old car. You've already put however many thousands of dollars into it and it's not finished yet. You've got to finish it. Do you know what it's like? Renovating a villa.

Yeah. I didn't want to say renovating a villa because that's your wound and I shan't be pouring salt in it. That's why I went with old car. Thank you. But you know what always makes me feel a bit better? What? A pun.

Okay. So I've got the top six muster lid puns to ease the pain of a $500,000 stoat bill. Fantastic. Because a stoat is a muster lid. A muster lid is a family, and in that family you've got weasels, ferrets, stoats, otters, badgers, the lot.

See, I like otters and badgers, I like otters and badgers. I like otters and badgers. We've got no time for the rest of them. Skunks, are they in there? Yeah, no, yeah. Some are. Right. What do you mean some are?

Some are. There's different skunks apparently. Who knew? And some things are called skunks that aren't skunks. What? Yeah. Top six must have been... That sounds like skunk segregation to me.

It actually does. Skunk apartheid. All skunks are the same on the inside. Yeah, well, they're not, and that's what makes them different. Top six muscle and puns to justify... Racist. It does feel racist.

To justify $500,000 to kill a stoke. Number six on the list. Hey, look, we blew the bad jert, but these things happen. Okay, I see what's happening. Yeah. We blew the... Bad jert.

I will say most of us in the room this morning, we're against this Top 6 idea. We blew the badger. We did kind of bandy around some ideas of the Top 6. All great ideas. Badger. Yeah. Budget.

Badger. We got it. Number five on the list of the Top 6 musclehead puns to ease the pain of a $500,000 stote bill. Sure, it cost a lot of money, but it was Weasley-er said than done. Yeah. Weasley-er said than done.

Yeah, Carwin's actually literally leaving the room shaking her head. Weasley-er said than done. She's done with the show today. Number four on the list of the top six musclehead puns to ease the pain of a half a million dollar. Yeah. Stoat bill. For it better or for it worse, we've got it done.

The other ideas are so much better. Top six other albums for Chris Luxen to review. That was my bit. I thought that'd be so funny. I thought it'd be really good. Number three on the list of the top six mussel lip puns to justify half a million dollars spent to kill one stoat in Fiordland. If we hadn't spent the money, it would have

stodily destroyed the beautiful bird life. It would have stodily destroyed. We get it. Just do the next one real quick. Just do the bird life. It is 6.57. We'll probably cut to news quite soon. Number two. Beep. Beep.

Beep. Good two. Good morning. Good morning in this bulletin. Number two on the list of the top six muscle and pounds to justify half a million dollars killing a stoat. One way or another, we were going to get that bastard, and we did. One way or another. Like another. One way or another.

We were going to get him, and we did. Number one on the list of the top six muster lid puns that justify half a million dollars to kill a single stoke in Fiordland. Honey badgering me isn't going to bring you $500,000 back. Honey badger. That's a muster lid. The honey badger. My favorite muster lid.

Number one on the list. Honey badgering me isn't going to bring you half a million dollars back. It's pretty good. It's pretty bloody good good You come up with six That was hard I don't know That was hard I'm sure it was

Six of them I'm sure it was, yeah You did it Is that today's top six? Today's top six Do you take sleeping pills? Do you guys take sleeping pills? Only if I travel

Yeah But I'm not someone that needs them. No. I went through a phase and I took them for a week and I thought yum, yum, yum. I'll get hooked on those. Yeah, they're very stopped. They're very addictive. Oh, because you just

melt into this thing and then you're like, oh, I don't want to become someone that becomes reliant on them. So I came off. But Ambien is like one of the big ones in the States, which is just a sedative. It puts you out. Is this something you just buy at the pharmacy? Or is that a prescription? Surely it'd be prescription. I don't know, man.

America's... You know when you go into the drug stores in America? Get a gun and some Ambien. It's insane. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Anyway, so she couldn't sleep. Yeah. Pres, so she couldn't sleep. Yeah. Prescription or prescription? Prescription.

P-R-E, right? Yeah, it is. It's the same as performance. Same as when you do a performance. Zolpidim is sold under the brand name Ambien, amongst others. It's a medication primarily guidelines recommend it only be used after cognitive behavioural therapy. Yeah, everyone does that, of course.

It goes to a good dose of therapy for their sleep before they just take the easy way out and get some pill pills. Yeah, yeah. But is it... I can't say is there a prescription. Is there a prescription sleeping Ambien? It's a sedative, also a hypnotic. Yeah, it's...

Shazam and Noiza. Well, here's an example. It strong it is right so this woman shared uh online a series of videos uh i want to play a clip from uh one of the last videos what the f did i do last night sometimes i can take something super strong to help me sleep. When I do, I'm prone to sleepwalking, sleep eating, sleep shopping, but never being so productive as to become a hairstylist.

So the videos that precede this are her with a kind of a glazed look and a slightly impacted speech and she's dying her hair. That video was her the next morning waking up and being like why is my hair a different colour?

She has no memory whatsoever of dying her own hair. So I've just googled it as a prescription sleep aid. Yeah. So she like she just has no memory and then the only reason that she can tell is one her hair Is a different colour

And it is so bad Yeah Like it's the patchiest job And two She had like In her state Recorded her being like I'm gonna be a beauty influencer

Here's the problem with this Is she's Probably this is gonna be Her most liked Video Or most viewed video She's gonna be like Maybe I just do

Other wacky things On sleeping pills I just film myself wacky things on sleeping pills. I just film myself all the time. Exactly. You've got to have a scary experience, like waking up in your house when the last thing you remember is drinking on a Singapore flight.

And then that's where you're like, anything could have happened to me. That was terrifying. I'm off. I'm out of the sleeping pill game. I take this shit seriously now. Yeah, you don't even remember getting home from the airport. Luckily, you were being picked up. That is terrible. I've this shit seriously now. Yeah, you don't even remember getting home from the airport. And luckily you were being picked up.

That is terrible. Like, I've never had that. That would be terrifying. So a lot of people jumped on this thread and were like, oh my God, like, how intense. People, I took Ambien once and I woke up with a whole bunch of

five bags of candy in my bed. I don't know how they got there. Wow. Someone else said, where is it? I wrote, played and sang a Christmas song onto my iPad piano with my dog. I then sent it to my boss for him and his whole family. And no memory. So I was like, are we writing our bodies to these ghosts?

There are adverse effects for these things, aren't there? But it's not just taking these Ambien or these sleeping pills. People sleepwalk and have no recollection of it. Oh, my gosh. And they're not even on anything. One of my closest friends, Rachel, she used to be terrible. And I was overseas with her once. And she got up, like she stood at the end of her bed and just charged and ran into the wall.

What? And I was like, what? And she just screamed and I was like, what's happening? She woke up once and she'd pushed the dresser against the door. And I was like, okay. Like moving furniture. Barricaded herself in. Yeah, barricaded herself in.

Like there's literally only her that could have done that. Yeah. It's not like someone came in the room and put the dresser against the door. Yeah. Impossible. No, no, no. She had done it. Oh my It's not like someone came in the room and put the dresser against the door. Yeah. Impossible. No, no, no. She had done it. Oh, that's freaky. I know. Well, this is what I thought we could get some calls for. Okay.

It's like, what can't you remember? Like, what is it that you can't remember doing? Maybe you were under the influence of, you were getting your wisdom teeth out, you know, that people just absolutely, like, lose their minds. Maybe you're a sleepwalker. Maybe you were sleepwalking and you sort of came to

to discover you'd done something with no memory of doing it. Yeah. Or maybe you took a sleeping pill and then woke up with your hair dyed. With your hair a different colour. I would freak out. 0800 DALES at M.

Give us a call. You can text through 9696. What don't you remember doing? But you definitely did it. I was just remembering that during my two colonoscopies I've had over the last two years, the first one I said to look up Ryan Phillippe's penis and the second one I told her what a beautiful woman she was.

She looks just like Tony Street. And you don't remember this until they told you. Until they say, yeah, we know about Ryan Phillippe's penis, Hayley. You've mentioned it multiple times. We've looked it up and bravo. Yep. We want to know what you don't remember doing because a woman in the States took like a sedative,

a sleeping pill, woke up and she's dyed her hair overnight. Now, we were just reminiscing that we actually have a friend that had a bit of an incident, shall we say, on a flight? I don't think it was a sleeping pill, it was a sedative it was like, maybe like something to calm the nerves like a lorazi maybe or something like that

but uneasy and absolutely had a bit of a meltdown and I don't think remembers it or knows really what was happening Let's just say their partner was in business class, got an upgrade, and then the other person's in the back and then the person in business class hears a bing-bong as they're a doctor on board.

Ha-ha, I wonder if that's my partner. And comes back and the partner's taking the clothes off and has an absolute meltdown. Oh, my God. Did the clothes come off? The clothes came off? I think that's the memory. Are you going to tread lightly with these things.

They're not to be, you've got to try them on the ground first. Yeah, and safe environment. Don't just having a handful of somebody else's. This is go and talk to your doctor stuff. All these text messages, I'm just like, this is insane. We've all seen bridesmaids. There are some absolutely wild stories coming in. Jackie, what happened?

I used to be a sleep eater, sleep walker. Oh, wow. Finding myself frequently in front of the fridge or the pantry with a jar of Nutella or otherwise I just would find a big dirty spoon beside the bed. So you'd wake up and you'd find like a

spoon that was, what did you eat normally? What did I normally eat? Nutella. Nutella. Yum. So I would either go like naked. I would go with my finger

or sometimes I'd just eat it with a spoon and then I'd just wake up with Nutella on the pillow. I think it was fun. And that's scary too because you didn't get to shit the bed. Was this when you were a kid, Jackie, or as an adult? Yeah, as an adult. I would love to see you,

Jackie, just like in bed, just like fingering a joke and telling it into your mouth. Do you still do it? A wee bit. Sometimes not so much anymore, but yeah, I stopped buying Nutella

so that I didn't do that. Yeah, I did that this week. My bloody kids' Easter eggs were in the way and I slept eight hours by Easter eggs. You in the way. Sleep, eat, eat. I'll eat anything in my sleep, but normally it was Nutella. Wow. I would set up a camera, like, near the fridge.

Yeah, same, same, same. Like one of those motion-activated, so in the morning you could, like, see yourself. Do you want to see? Why would you want to see yourself? I don't know if you'd want to. Naked Nutella eating is not great. Yeah, I thought you were naked.

I thought you were naked. Jackie, amazing. Thanks for sharing. Not that Jackie doesn't probably cut a lovely figure in the nude. No, but she does. She can't share that video, obviously, now. Yeah. Because of the nudity.

Some messages in. I needed to escape a tall building I was having in a dream, and I woke up sitting on the end of my bed with the curtains open. Luckily, my windows are so old the windows didn't open anymore because I could have gone out. Oh god. There's that famous Mike Biglia comedian. Have you ever heard his

he did a stand up special about his problem with his sleep walking. Right. It culminated in him having a dream that a missile was locked on his position and he ran and in his sleep dove out of a window of the hotel, threw the glass, fell an entire story onto the snowy ground, and woke up down there covered in glass. Well, did the missile get him?

No, because he woke up. Because there was no missile. Yeah, there was none. That's terrifying. You'd have to chain yourself to the bed eventually, right? Yeah, chain yourself down in a pad, right? Yeah. Chain yourself down. In a pad room. Yeah, hot. I shop.

I never know until the- It's a 20% discount at Wild Secrets. Yeah, yeah, Sex.Life. Sex.Life code. Well, don't say that just before this person's shopping because they do shopping in their- My goodness. In their inebriated state.

I never know until the courier turns up. Then I ask everyone in the house who bought something, but it's addressed to me. Gina. Gina, this is you. Oh, yes. Yep. Hi.

You're having a bit of a zlop, zlop, zlop, zlop, zlop, zlop. I, yeah, I, I quite frequently will get a knock at the door and then next minute I, the courier's there and it's always addressed to myself. But sometimes my kids actually do use my name and get stuff carried there. Right. Yeah, right.

You've got to be careful. Yeah. So it's not really until I open up, and it's either a 512 dress from COS or... Great shop. Yeah. Classy, lovely simple lines. Yeah, or a pair of shoes

and they're normally size 6 so yeah, I know that they're mine because I've got two boys and a daughter who's got a size 8, so it's normally me but it does happen a bit and my kids actually have tried to take my phone off me at night time.

So that I don't actually go shoe shopping or clothes shopping. But I also sleep. Well, yeah, I also sleepwalk, but I tend to eat a bit as well. Oh, you're a mess. Wow. And so you said the sleep shop, is it sleep shopping? It's not like

after sleeping pills or a drink? No, it's after sleeping pills. Oh, right. It's very similar to, I think,

the other one you were talking about. So it's called Zobaclone. Yep. I love a Zobaclone. Yeah. It's delicious.

But obviously not for you because you end up shopping, Gina. I mean, you always think to the melatonin from here on out. Yeah. Gina, thanks for your calls. The message is in. Lots of people doing sleep shopping now. They're all coming out of the woodwork. Just took somebody to break the ice, you know.

Oh, my God, me too. Oh, my God. It's like totally out of my control. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I just can't help it, Aaron. In my sleep, I once lined my whole bedroom floor with rolls and rolls of paper towels in case my son weed on our floor.

And my husband and I woke up to a meticulously lined bedroom floor with three layers of Andy towels over the entire thing. Wow. Oh, my God. I have absolutely zero recollection of it. I was once having an awesome night at the club. My last memory was dancing in the club and then my next thing,

my best friend is asking me to wake up. I was on her porch at 10 a.m. with a cheeseburger in my hand. First bite, still in the cheek. Oh, God. So the first bite is in the cheek. Where you actually went to sleep was by putting cheek, just about to start chewing, fall asleep.

Is that what squirrels do with their nuts they store the nuts in the cheek just to transport it back to their nut depository just a little bit of cheeseburger

in the cheek yeah I changed I once changed posted a picture of a hot man on Facebook and changed my status to married

I didn't even know I was married till the next day and honestly thought I had been like pranked yeah and I went into

other devices that are logged into my Facebook nothing the only one was at my house and I was the only one there oh okay

that's messing with your head isn't it oh my god congratulations though I'm getting married yeah to a hot man better than a minger

you don't want to wake up married to a minger oh god yeah this Friday and Saturday our live shows return. Auckland at the Civic. There are still some tickets there at Ticketmaster. Actually, it has sold out. I actually need a T-shirt printed.

Do you? Is there anybody listening close to where either I live or work that can do me like a cricket? Cricket? Cricket. I'd ask my sister, but she lives too far away. Those are for containers and stuff. Are they actually for t-shirts?

They're amazing. You can probably do anything with a cricket. I really want one. Very expensive. Very expensive. You're going to make your own t-shirt for the show. I want to make a t-shirt for each night. I've got a different design for each night. Oh, I don't know about this.

You know there's going to be photos taken and used to mark it. Yes. Oh, it's not that one. No, I know that. I showed you guys a grey male sweatshirt. I'd really love to give it a swear word on it. But no, it wouldn't be that. It wouldn't be that.

It's a t-shirt. Okay. And I need, I'll provide said black t-shirt and design. I just need somebody to put it on. Right, is it breaking trademark or copyright? Well, no, because I'm not selling it, so I'm not making any money off it. It's just sort of a fan art vibe. Well, we've got your chance to get to either of our live shows

with flights, accommodation, tickets, and a smooth ride to the show, all thanks to Heineken Silver, a new surprisingly smooth, low-carb Heineken. Someone that's entered is Alice. Good morning, Alice. Hi, good morning. Now, tell us your confession, something that could have gone smoother. Open up, open up. So, many years ago, I was visiting a girlfriend down in Dunedin

while she was studying, and she had organised a champagne brunch where it was expected that you drink a whole bottle of champagne at breakfast. Of course. And I didn't have to need intolerance, so I found myself very drunk really quickly. Didn't need intolerance. And made my way back to her flat

where we were sharing a bed. I put myself to bed probably around lunchtime and woke up. Lunchtime? Jesus. I love that. That's not to meet intolerance. Just checking, what time did you wake up this day?

I think the brunch was at like 9.30. So you woke up at about 7? Yeah. So you were awake for five hours and you're like, it's bedtime. Fantastic. I was tapped out. Yeah. So I woke up and it was just going dark and needed to be sick.

So I scanned her room really quickly and thought that she was using like a bucket with a plastic bag in it as a rubbish bin under her desk. Okay. So I just pulled the bag of rubbish out, threw it on the ground and took the bucket back to her bed and proceeded to be sick. Okay. And once I finished, I was thinking, I was cross-legged on her bed,

and I was like, why are my legs so warm? And it was like a potting bucket. It had all these holes in the bottom. Oh no. Oh no. Should've left the plastic bag in. And it had essentially acted like a sieve. Oh yeah.

Oh no. And yeah. Oh, no. And yeah. Alice. Alice. Oh, no. Yeah, you're right. That could have gone a lot smoother. Yeah, to be fair.

Hey, we're going to hook you up with $100, Alice, and in the drawer to get to our live show this weekend. Good luck. Awesome. Thanks so much. Thank you. All right, all the details at ZM Online, and all thanks to Heineken Silver, our live shows.

Next on the show, great news for carb eaters, particularly pasta carb eaters. Oh, Hayley. This is discrimination. She's currently in ketosis. I am. Oh, you're doing keto. No carbs. My brain's eating itself.

My brain's eating itself. I thought it was going to eat my ass off, but instead it's eating my brain. Brain and muscles. Yeah. Yeah. You need carbs. Brain and muscles. Yeah. Yeah. You need carbs. You need carbs to function. Play.

ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Why are you wearing your glasses? Because I just like to wear my glasses a little skew-iff and on my nose. Like someone who's just chucked them on in a real hurry. You've chucked them under your beanie. Also, you've moved to beanie season too early. I've moved to beanie season.

Too early. It's literally like 20 degrees in the morning. I like, no, it wasn't. It was nine degrees this morning. I looked at the watch and I made the decision between hat and beanie. I'm in a transitional period between hat and beanie. I'm bouncing between.

Okay. Nine degrees this morning, single digits. I'm still leeks out. I'm still Birkenstocks. Your feet out. What are you doing? This is my favourite, by the way. You've got shorts? I'm shorts andaks out. I'm still Birkenstocks. You're feet out. What are you doing? This is my favourite, by the way. I'm shorts and Birks.

We're still shorts. Birks, jeans, t-shirt, beanie is my favourite combination. What are you, a cold child? What are you, some sort of cold child? No, because I'm warm around where I'm carrying the weight. But I just like the Birks. I like the slide on and off. Okay.

Alright. I'm where I'm at. It's where I'm comfortable. Let's talk about pasta.ks. I like the slide on and off. Okay. All right. I'm where I'm at. That's where I'm comfortable. Let's talk about pasta. Now, I believe there is a pasta news, Vaughan. Let's talk about pasta. There's a new pasta shape on the block that was invented a little while ago and one of the two-time invention 2021,

but it's taken so long to get it to the point where people can have this pasta. Wait, it was the invention of the year. How ridiculous is that? It doesn't seem like an invention of the year. 2021 was a quiet year. Everybody was just at home. But wouldn't the invention be, I hate to say it, the vaccine? Or like some kind of technology, like AI?

Yeah, some sort of machine that saves lives. Take it up with Time Magazine. Right. Give me an email address and I bloody will. I think it's time at time.com. Is it time at time.com? Yep. All right, emailing now.

Give it a go. It's called Cast the Tally. It was a three-year quest and it was also a podcast called Mission Impastable. I hate it. No, I hate it. It's not even good. Where Dan took it upon himself to make a new shape of pasta. Now, describe this new

shape because I thought everything's been done. I'll do my best. It looks a little bit like a fern frond, to be totally honest. Like a silver fern. It's like an ear. Put it on the side of your head, it's an ear. But around the ear, there's a wiggly, wavy line of pasta.

It looks like nearly impossible to make. I don't know what, because, you know, every now and then you'll get an Instagram reel and it's like how the pasta's made. And if it's a macaroni alba it squirts out and something gives it a little cut squirt cut squirt cut

squirt cut like a heart like a heart cut in half vertically with frills right because it's got

a bit of depth to it I don't like it I don't like it either it's yuck I'm not really a pasta guy if I'm being completely honest nah I'll do mac and cheese

and that's it I'll do mac and cheese I that's it. I'm rice. I'll go rice over bread. I'll go rice over pasta. I love rice. Would you go rice over lollies if we're talking about carbs? I'm team potato. I'm not team potato. Unless you're

fried. Fried, baked, roasted, mashed, boiled, you name it. I'll go rice. It's a versatile carbohydrate. God, I want rice. You name it. I'll go rice. It's a versatile carbohydrate. God, I want rice, eh? Yeah, so you're doing keto at the moment, which is mostly protein. Protein and fat. Rough guts.

Rough guts. Rough guts. Yeah. Really letting it go. Right. I'm days away from bailing. No, are you? No rice.

No rice. Ouch. Ouch. Yeah. And I don't want this frilly little pasta. So here's its three winning here's its three winning principles.

Yep. It's forkability. How easy it is to get a pasta shape on your fork and keep it there. What's my forkability? Because you guys

are pretty forkable. I was because I'm shaped. So if I had a giant fork I reckon yeah I could easily stab you. Yeah. Oh. I was because I'm shaped. So if I had a giant fork, I reckon, yeah, I could easily stab you. Yeah? And pick you up. I was going to scoop her. You were saying you'd go for a spoon.

I'd go for a scoop, not a stab. Why would you? With this particular piece of pasta. I would just go straight in and up. I think I would stab you, Fletch, and I would scoop you. Yeah, I'm a scoop boy. Sloppier. Yeah, I'm a sloppier.

Sloppier. You need sauce. You need sauce with you, whereas I could have F boy. Sloppier. Yeah, I'm a sloppier. Sloppier. You need sauce with you, whereas I could have Fletch almost sauiceless. Really? Yeah, but with you, I need more sauce. Yeah, I'm like a ragu. Just to hide the taste as well. You're a ragu. Just to hide the taste, really.

And to mask because you're a bit of a cheaper. I'm a cheaper cutter, mate. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely. No offence taken. Play ZM's Fletch, Va, yeah. I'm, yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely. No offence taken. So much money.

I study from University of Michigan. I believe that's in America, but do not quote me. It is. Do not quote me. Found that couples with same or similar drinking behaviours last longer than those that didn't. So if you looked at a couple that was like one, you know, had a couple of glasses of wine a week while the other one was bloody, you know.

A couple of glasses a night. A couple of glasses a night and then a couple of bottles in the weekend. Yeah. Less likely to survive than if you were both on the same drinking buzz, I guess, as each other. Well, you'd get tired of it, wouldn't you? Yeah. If they were always booze and you were like, cool. Yeah.

So somehow, because you go like, we know alcohol is bad for your body. Yeah. It doesn't assist in a long, healthy life. We know these things. We make our choices knowing these things. And, you know, it's not new. But this study seemed to think that couples that regularly drink together tend to live longer than those where neither partner drank.

I don't think this is like binge drinking together. No, no, no. Two alcoholics living in a house. No, we're fine. We can sit whenever we want. Light drinking was the next. Light drinking predicted better survival rates among individuals. So like sitting down with your partner and each of you having a glass or two of wine.

Right. A few times a week. Yeah. That was like the golden point. Whereas if you were like one was and one wasn't or drinking too much, bad news. So was it living longer or staying together? Both. Both.

Okay, right. Staying together for a long, lovely life. Isn't that wild? I mean, I think it's probably because it like brings you together to sit down and like when Aaron and I have just our one glass of wine. Of course. That's sort of when you talk. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Or and then we say a line before it turns into an argument. Of course. That's sort of when you talk. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then when's that line before it turns into an argument? Like three. Four. Yeah. Three or four. Okay. When you're like, what? What are you saying? You know what? And then that tone comes out. Yeah.

Avoid that. Yeah, avoid that. So look, sometimes sitting down with a little glass of wine, having a little debrief on the day, it's bloody good for you. But then also a couple that didn't drink at all. Yeah, if they both weren't, probably even better. What do you do when you're sitting down? Probably even at what? You'll have a matcha tea.

You have a green tea or maybe, I don't know, some ice cream. Green tea or this like water stuff I've heard is quite good. Ice cream. Water. Yeah, it like comes the stuff out of the tap. Not Fletcher's. Comes out of the tap. Yeah.

Well, there is nothing wrong with my water. Speaking of ice cream, yours is thick. Yeah. What did you say? Is that a water tap? I thought that was some sort of kombucha mixture that it had. I thought it was a lube tap. Oh, really thick. I thought it literally thought it was.

I wouldn't put that anywhere near my genitals, though, to be totally honest with you. There is nothing wrong with my water. It's the same water that you have. It's not. It's almost like it's salt water. It's not water. It's superior.

Is it salt water? Is it saline solution? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. I don't know what it is. It's not water. It's like the stuff that you find inside an ice pack. You know, like a gel ice pack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what's in his taps. Surely it must be that. Live shows of this weekend. Christchurch is sold out on Saturday, but Friday night at the Civic in Auckland, and it's part of our 20-year celebration. There are tickets available at Ticketmaster.

The last few tickets. 20 years this Friday, guys. That's insane. Isn't that nuts? I hope you've made a cake. I was thinking of bringing something back on Friday that we haven't done for at least 10 years. Oh, my God.

What? You'll wait and see on Friday. Oh. Hayley's never done it. There's probably a reason we haven't done it. No, it's fun. Is it? It's fun.

We'll have fun. Okay. Okay. We'll have fun. Guys, I hope everybody's ready to have some fun. I'm ready to have some fun. Shall I make cocktails? Oh, we're going to show you that.

We're going to show to do that night. Yeah, we don't want to be having a bloody lunchtime nap like our caller just before. Mind you, we'll probably be ready to go again that night, so that's good. We do have a big week.

We've actually got a big week and yesterday I felt somewhat overwhelmed. And so I was sort of like planning things with Aaron, life things, and I've decided to, I'm on a cancel spree. So watch out, you two, because I might cancel you any time now.

Somebody just messaged in saying they got cancelled on Twitter once because they saw a hedgehog doing a poo, and they're like, you just don't see that. And they took a photo and put it on Twitter, and people cancelled them. Oh, gosh. What, for invading the privacy of the hedgehog? Who knows? I got cancelled on Twitter once.

Very different. Wasn't hedgehog related? No, it wasn't. But, you know, look it up. Anyway, so this morning alone, I've cancelled

an appointment tomorrow. Who burped? She's cancelled manners. Yeah. She's cancelled her decorum. She's cancelled being a lady. She's cancelled being a lady. I've cancelled being a lady. I've cancelled an appointment tomorrow.

Yeah. I've cancelled a gig I had tomorrow night. Yeah. I've cancelled my Masterclass subscription. That's like $300. Are you kidding me? I've had Masterclass. You know Masterclass.

Those little online courses. And it's like celebrities and they're like, do you want to be like me? Do you want to be a millionaire? I've had itclass. You know Masterclass, those little online courses. And it's like celebrities and they're like, do you want to be like me? Do you want to be a millionaire? I've had it for two years. That's $600 I've spent on that. Jeez. Yeah, I've done half a course.

And I couldn't even tell you which one it was. I think it was a cooking one. Yeah, they saw me getting a mile away. I cancelled that. I cancelled an audio app thing that I had. That was $150. Cancelled that. I'm going to go through my subscriptions. Watch out Prime.

Oh, what did they do? I'm just saying. You just don't use it. Prime's on the chopping block. I'm getting some good content in Prime. I know, but I'm heavy on Netflix and Neon at the moment. You need to do the on-off thing that I do. I'm doing on-off. Yeah, do on-off.

Guys, subscribe when you need it And then use that time when you're not subscribed To watch another thing I literally Feel the weight of the world lifting By just cancelling stuff If you want to hang out with me today I think I had a social thing

Cancelled, like cancelled Everything's cancelled You do do a lot though I always say you've got too much on your plate. I know. But I feel like you're the kind of person, if you're not doing something, you can't sit still. I'll cancel myself, yeah. I'm just sort of like, ugh. Yeah. Yeah, no.

So I'm cancelling things left, right and centre to create a bit more space. It's making you feel good. Yeah. I'm cancelling money things and I'm cancelling things that... I'm cancelling work today. I'm done.lling things that... I'm cancelling work today. I'm done. I did two really good hours, I reckon.

I brought heaps. Right, and you're done. Eight to nine. You're on your own. You're kind of contractually obligated to be here. You can phone it in. Well, I've been phoning it in. You guys probably haven't even noticed I've been phoning it in.

All week? All year. Entire 20 years. 20 years. 20 years. We're having an argument in the studio. Everyone needs to calm down. I'm sorry I yelled. You yelled and then I

yelled back. Your brain is eating itself because you're not eating carbohydrates. Then the tensions got up. Fletcher's like, I like blueberries. And then had a handful of blueberries. I know. They're so good. Bloody idiot.

You've written a nasty message in this email you just sent me. And then you sent me some doc that I need to request permission to. And so that was expletive. For God's sake. I love blueberries. I call it. Your blueberries look shriveled. How long have they been in the fridge?

I don't know. Talk to the supermarket. Nah, that's alright. They either dry out or they go mouldy, eh, blueberries? Raspberries love mould. Oh, they love mould. As soon as they're off the vine, they're like, hello. Any fungus in the area that would like to nestle in my warm, wet crevices?

For I'm a raspberry. Okay, I apologize for yelling, Vaughn. Thank you. I accept your apology. I don't know if you want to return. Are you kidding me? Are you effing kidding me? You shouldn't apologise to soldiers because they apologise to you.

That's my personal belief, unless you mean it. Redacted. Nope, too late. I'm not giving it back. Redacted. It's redacted. Well, it was insincere. I had my fingers crossed.

Oh, I can't believe you'd do this to me. Shannon! Shannon. Save the day. You are going a couple of shades darker for the... Couple? She told me she's going five or six. Five or six shades.

She is tiptoeing down a very delicate line of cultural inappropriation. Don't get me cancelled. We're cancelling things today. She's getting a problematic shade, I believe. Yeah. You're getting a spray tan? She said Halle Berry was her reference.

Stop it. She gave it to the woman. She said, here's the reference for the colour I'm looking for. And I'll tell you what, it was Halle Berry and Monster's Ball. Yeah, I think you've censored it. Monster's Ball? It's Halle Berry as a Bond girl. Or Catwoman.

No, Monster's Ball. She was great in it. She was a great actress. Won the Oscar. Terrible. It's a haunting movie. So you're getting a spray tan today for the live show. Yeah, I've not been feeling great about myself.

Should we be getting it? Shannon, I won't hear it. I won't hear it. Do you want some compliments? Should we do some compliments? No, no, no. Around the compliments? No, no, please no.

Oh, no, please no. No, no, no. Hayley and I have been looking. I want a reduction. She wants a lift. It's too expensive. So I thought I'd get a spray tan. Yes, yeah.

So I just thought a spray tan would be a good way to feel less spacious. Fletch is just eating 250 grams of blueberries in less seconds. 125 grams, actually. 125 grams, still in less than 125 seconds. That's actually about the amount of grams that Shannon wants to get reduced. I would love that. From each, yeah. So no,

I'm getting a spray tan this afternoon. We have a lovely person who works in this building who owns a spray tan business on the side. Yes. Sarah Corsi.

She also owns a spray tan. She's got this. She's got this. Yeah, spray tan Sarah. Yes, yes, yes. And so she was also not only a co-worker, but she was my netball coach when I was a child.

Was she? Pure coincidence. Now that worries me because she would have been a child when I was a working professional adult. So now we're two age groups removed. Yeah, we're back in the 2000s. In fact, it would have been creepy when she was 13 if I was to offer my netball coaching services.

That's how much older I am than her. Yeah. And she was your netball coach. Yeah. So we met in the context of me being a child. Yes. This afternoon. And she's now my co-worker.

She's now going to see me naked. Yes. Is that appropriate? Is that weird? I think that my mum, one of my mum's closest friends is a beautician. And said to mum, before my mum, you know, lasered like a grown-up, said, oh, pets, I'll do your waxes.

And my mum said, absolutely not. Because it's too intimate. You don't want your friends seeing your foo-foo. No. Do you? Seeing it. They're touching it. Yeah.

They're destroying its natural plantain. They are. They're deforesting your food food. Because I've only had a few spray tans, not in the last few years, but they make you hold up. Your titty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go like this so that underneath.

They can go under. You don't get a line. Well, Sarah's a professional. She's not going to be like, well, that's a grandson's nipple. No, I know she's not going to. Of course not. And the thing is,

is I think we just, I think if she was a bit further of a connection apart, I'd be less worried. Like, she's going to be great. But it is strange when someone you know sees you naked in a different context. Yeah. And telling you to hold up your breasts. It's like seeing a teacher out of school.

You have to be able to stand there and start to get into all the positions. You should not see your teachers naked. No. Oh no, you definitely shouldn't. If you have, please contact the Board of Trustees. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and the thing is, Sarah's going to be great.

I know we're going to be fine, but I'm a bit nervous. Yeah, it's funny. And I found myself, like, shaving a bit, like, better. You know what I mean? Yeah, you'd be like, oh, I don't want any rogue pubes there.

How embarrassing. I know this woman. Yeah, I'm just a bit nervous. When was the last time an adult saw you guys naked? Like outside of the context of getting changed at the gym. And outside of a sexual context. I don't know. Medical.

I suppose medical. Have you had a mole map? Those of you are stars. Are you nude for a mole map? No, they let me keep my undies on and I pulled it up, pulled up the cheeks and stuff and then she said... They didn't even ask to take... Yeah, they didn't even ask to see it.

They asked the hot people to take their undies off. Yeah, I bet they do. Yeah, they did. They bet they do. They better make sure I don't have any on my... Well, no, she said, have you checked? I said, yes. Well, what's the use?

There's nothing on there. It's an absolutely freckle-free zone. Freckle-free? Well, good for you, my boy. It's been out of the sun all this time. There might be one on the underside of the scrotum. I can't speak to it, but it also sees zero sun. Get a mirror.

I think we should discuss this because I remember, I think I've said this before, but when I injured my tailbone and I took Voltaren. Now, I'm not good on Voltaren. And I had a hot bath and I fell out of the bath and my mum had to come find me on the floor. First time you see your adult child nude again. She hasn't seen it since it was like 12 or something, you know?

Yeah, yeah. And now suddenly it's in its 20s, and it's nude. And she's a Voltaren mess on the floor. She is. She's melted onto the floor. We should take some calls and get some messages in of who saw you naked. Outside of a sexual context. Yes. Who saw you naked. I mean sexual context yes who saw you naked i mean you

could just be getting changed at the gym and then someone you work with could walk past and then they've seen you i'm all i'm naked at les mills all the time and i hate to say this i'm incredibly famous and i wonder if people come in and see me and go there she is famous nungas famous nungas she talks about them a lot. There they are. And here's my perspective on that. Here she is in her naked glory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have I been paying attention?

Have I? Yes. Yes, I have to you. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, 0800 dials it in. Maybe someone has just messaged in, Sarah did my spray tan before and I was one of her camp leaders and I took her on year nine camp.

Right. So that's somebody, you were younger than Sarah and she's about to see you naked. Sarah's also seen people older than her naked. Well, she's very professional. She's very professional. Okay, well, 0800 dials at M. Let's take some calls. You can text her as well, 9696.

Outside of a sexual context, who saw you naked as an adult? Today, Shannon is getting naked in front of not only a workmate, but a previous mentor to get a spray tan. Now, it is strange when you show your naked body or your naked body is seen outside of the context of fun times, adult fun times. It's not. It's not.

I mean, it's a little awkward, but it's not bad. If you have to get naked in front of a medical professional or a professional, if you don't know them, it doesn't matter, right? Oh, my God, yeah. That's why. I have friends who studied massage, and they'll always be like, why don't you come see me?

I'm like, because I want an anonymous tiny Thai woman, not you, who knows everything about me, and then is touching and rubbing me. No, I want anonymity. But it doesn't always happen. So we wanted to know who's going to make it. I would say for junior doctors, a piece of advice is when you are giving a man who's just turned 40 a prostate exam

because he gets a little bit worried about prostate cancer, when your finger is in his ass, isn't the time to say, go off the radio. Oh, yeah. I recognise that voice. And also, how did he click? Because his finger was inside me. Do you pick the songs you play?

The guy on the radio. Do you choose them? Who's the most famous person you've met? Feels good, though. That was probably... Oh, yeah. Oh, jeez. How are we going to get back there, Doc?

Not my usual doctor. Jessica, good morning. Jessica, who saw you naked? My dad when I was giving birth to our first child. He watched it? He had no choice. So my mum was in the room and then he was starting a new job

and it was going quite slowly. And so she was like, I'll just take dad to go get his work boots and, you know, it's all good. And they barely left the car park and I was 10 centimetres dilated. And so she raced back into the room with my dad. And, yeah, he couldn't leave at that point. He just got pushed to the corner of the room and stood there quietly cheering me on. Did Dad not trust him to stay in the car by himself?

He'll bloody fiddle with everything, will he? Oh, yeah, you've got to crank him a little bit, Dan. And to them, was he just on his phone or was he just like kind of? He was just trying really not to look. But he was, his nickname to me is Rat. And so he was like

in the corner of the room like, go Rat. Go Rat. Come on, Rat. Get it going, guys. Come on. What did I tell you about getting loud

and pushing hard? Come on, Rat. Yeah. Jessica, amazing. Thank you. What did I tell you about getting low and pushing hard? Come on, right? Yeah. Jessica, amazing. Thank you. Kaylee, who saw you naked? An old high school friend about five years after we lost contact. Oh, right.

And how did they see you naked? She was also doing my spray tan. Yeah, yeah, right. Oh, okay. Yeah. And you have to stand in those stupid The boys Have you had one before? We did one as a joke, hey

Yeah I think we wore paper g-strings And you've got it Yeah, you can if you want But then you get the line, right? So you just go without You've got to stand in all the weird positions How much skill is Shannon showing at this live show

That she has to worry about a tan line? Yeah I have seen her outfit It is shocking So, Kayleigh, it was awkward for you? Yeah, very. I was standing there like a naked starfish, and she was asking me what I've been up to recently.

Yeah, and you're like, well, just spray me and leave me. And just let this hole swallow me up. I don't want to be here. Anonymous, who saw you naked? Oh, hi. Mine wasn't intentional. It was a work colleague. Oh, hi. Mine wasn't intentional. It was a work colleague. Oh, no.

Yeah, good. So I'd been very virtuous and gone for a run in the morning, and we had showers at the bottom of work, so all beautifully separate with, thank you, with their own locks. Okay. So I finished my shower, was getting sorted, heard some people come in, so I just double-checked that the door was locked. Okay. So I finished my shower, was getting sorted, heard some people come in,

so I just double-checked that the door was locked. Okay. Doing my hair, so completely nude, bent over, bummed to the door, flicking my hair down to put the towel over, and it was not locked, and man, opened the door. They saw inside of you. That's your work cub you. And just saw

all bum. Yeah, and so I 99% think I know who it was, but obviously have never asked. So you didn't catch them in the eye? Not your face eye? They caught you, your eye.

Officially. Oh my god, I kind of like that you don't know, they caught you, your eye. Officially. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I kind of like that you don't know because then you can be like. Just never know. Just never know. Would they know? Well, then I just hope that they don't know.

Yes. Well, I don't know. I've never seen my bum before. That's true. So I assume he didn't know to identify. I mean, we've all accidentally opened a toilet door and someone's been in there because they haven't logged in. You don't really look. It's like a blur of bodies.

No. There was no missing. And so then when I heard them get in the shower, I just ran really fast so that they couldn't risk seeing who was coming out. Yeah.

It's the only way. Oh, anonymous, thank you for sharing. Ask the messages in. Who saw you naked? The last person to see me naked was my 18-year-old step-nephew

who saw me naked in the shower. Now, if you'd just said nephew, we would have been like awkward. But now you said step-nephew, so it's changed the entire context, hasn't it? Carry on. I went to Japan for my mum's 60th, and we went to a traditional onsen bathhouse. We both just sat there on tiny buckets, showering naked next to each other before going into the spas.

And it was so awkward. Yeah. My mum saw my husband naked before we got married. He'd been out on his back and during dinner they got him pretty smashed and sent him home in a cab. The two of us managed to get him into the bathroom where he vomited a lot. And then once that was done, he decided it was time for bed and he was being helped into bed naked. Right. And my mother-in-law,

my mother, his mother-in-law called her. Saw everything. Yeah, right. My mum wanted to be there when I had a baby. I told her she must stay head end. She must stay head end.

She kept sneaking down to the business end while I was contracting. And as soon as the contractions end and I could speak again, I'd say, Mum, get up to the head end. Economy passengers aren't allowed

at the business end. No, they're not. Unless you're exiting the plane. Exactly. Leave the pilots at that end. They are the professionals. Pull the curtain on her. Good old drunk Saturday night and my new friend and work colleague

had to get my past that arse into a shower. And of course the clothes had to come off of there. Oh, no, you're shoving them in the shower with their clothes on I think. Yeah. Jenna said,

hey guys, my mum waxes me head to toe. Have a great day. I'm not going to have a great

day now, Jenna. I don't know. You really have to get into I mean, they've seen it all,

haven't they anyway? I know you've seen it all, but I don't think you quite get involved in the,

you know, you're flipping through the folders, you know, looking for the right final. Ew. Yeah. My entire Zoom call, about 20 people saw my boyfriend naked after he left the hot tub and didn't consider camera angles. Circa 20 steps of full frontal nudity from that thing past the Zoom call. 20 steps.

That's too many call. 20 steps. That's too many steps. 20 steps. Hey, we all needed those treats in the lockdown, didn't we? We were deprived of any kind of joy. Yes. So thank him. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is, this week, it's misnomers. Things that are named incorrectly should never have been named what they are named, but everybody knows them by that, so we're just going to live with it. Yeah. And today, I thought we would touch on, because we just talked about them before, and you polished off a punnet of blueberries.

I did. Well, they're seasonable. They're in season at the moment. They're in season. Must be getting toward the end of the year, blueberry season. Yeah, it is. Daily end of the blueberry season. It is.

That's a summer. I'm going to have to start on mandarins soon, Vaughn. That's a summer berry. You said of the blueberry season. It is. That's a summer. I'm going to have to start on mandarins soon, Vaughan. That's a summer berry. You said summers. Oh, yes, it is. Easy peels. I've seen the citrus on the tree starting to also just around the corner. Persimmon season.

I've got no time for those. Oh, come on. It's like an apple carrot. That's yum. Yeah, it's an apple carrot. Exactly. Eat it up. Well, misnomers, things incorrectly named, a blueberry is a berry.

Because inside they're not blue, are they? Is that what you're... No. No. Shush, please. Let the adults talk. Wow. Wow.

A blueberry... You've got an attitude problem. He does. You're right. A blueberry... You're being very bratty today. A blueberry... Yeah.

...is a berry because berries have to be produced from a single ovary on a plant. Oh, like humans. Red currant, for example. Okay. Blueberry is another one. However, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries. Mat berries. Are not berries. What? berries Are not berries

What? They're not berries They're called an aggregate fruit Well it's a berry though right An aggregate fruit is a strawberry Which is like a cluster of Because you know how it's got heaps of little seeds on it It's technically a cluster

Boysenberry, raspberry, mulberry Blackberry and other ones that I've never heard of A loganberry What's mulberries? Mulberries I just know the mulberry, blackberry, and other ones that I've never heard of. A loganberry? What's mulberries? Mulberries. I just know the mulberry bush. Round and round the mulberry bush.

Here we go round the mulberry bush. They look like a blackberry, but they're a longer berry. We've been calling them berries, but they're not. They're not. They should be blue. No, blue stands black aggregate fruit. Okay. Doesn't roll off the tongue as well.

Yeah. Straw aggregate fruit. Yeah. Which I think the strawberry could do with an entire rebrand as it is. Aggregate fruit. But blueberry, blackberry, it should be redberry. What should be redberry? Strawberries. If we're going by the naming of the colour.

Blueberry, blackberry. Yeah. Why do we go straw? And did you know a boysenberry is just a cross between a blackberry and a raspberry? I thought it was made out of boys. It is. That's the secret ingredient. Yeah.

The boys. Okay. So today's fact of the day, the misnomer of the day is a bunch of berries that we shouldn't be calling berries. We should be calling them aggregate fruits. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Ah, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Play ZM's Fletch Vorn and Ailey. Play ZM. On the way home from work yesterday,

I had to call into Mitre 10 for a couple of bits and pieces. Oh, God, I love that. A couple of bits. You end up spending more money than I do. You always do. You're like, I just need a couple of things. You know what part it is that gets me? That the crates of stuff down the middle,

that's always like special. And you're like, I don't need that. Tin snips. My attempt was like, what if I come across some tin that needs snipping? You need tin snips. I better get them tin snips. Yeah.

It's like the chemist's warehouse. You go in for one thing. These big places, they know it. You know what? I think they know what they're doing. Yeah, I think they do. I think these big places, I think they know what they're doing.

Yeah, they do. So then when I, so that was what happened afterwards. But when I think they do. I think these big places, I think they know what they're doing. Yeah, they do. So then when I, so that was what happened afterwards. But when I pulled in, when I was pulling in to the car park, I saw an old lady

and I shouldn't have said old lady. Mature woman. A more mature woman, but more mature than you're thinking if I just said mature woman. A step-up senior. Like knocking on a Ryman? Knocking on a Ryman.

I'd say 70s. Okay. 70s and she had one of those trolleys that you always take into the garden part, the flat bottom without the walls. And on that she had three bags of compost. Large bags too. I'm guessing at least 20 kg bags. Oh, goodness.

To the point where she was pushing it across the car park and it was kind of like this trolley was going to the side really she didn't need to rhyme in so she's pushing and it's the wheels got that way and she's like and she's going toward a car and when i was pulling it i was like if that was my nan i would hope someone would offer help of course so i parked and i got out and i started walking over to her as she was getting closer to her car. And then her boot goes and goes up. I'm like, this is pretty posh.

She's got an automatic boot opener on her key ring. You're thinking I might get in the will. Get in here. Get this Ford Festiva in my garage. So the boot goes up and I'm like, excuse me, hello. And she's like, hello. And she turns around and I was like, would you like a hand getting those in the boot goes up And I'm like, excuse me, hello And she's like, hello And she turns around and I was like Would you like a hand getting those in the boot? And she said, oh yes please

As she says this, the driver's door opens on the car And I hear, no, we'll be fine That's what I hear And a man starts getting out But he's also Approaching Ryman So he does that thing where he has to lift his leg up to turn and then

he puts it down. I'm like, he's not, I don't want, he can't be bending down. He's got to lift his own leg out of a car. Yeah, but you can't tell these old people. Well, that's the, I'm as the son of a man who's certainly not approaching Ryman and will die before he goes

into a Ryman. We say that now, but we've got one booked for you, don't we? He will. I was like, I also don't want to, if he thinks he can do it, I don't want to be the guy that takes it away from the old boy. He's lifting compost bags into the car and out of the car when he gets home. It's probably like what he does for his wife. He's the lifter.

He's always been the strong man. You're emasculating him. I don't want to do that. So he starts, he's lifting a leg out of the car, putting it down, and he's told me, no, we'll be fine. And she's like, quick, get them in the car. And she looks at me, and I'm like, pardon? And she's like, he's going to hurt himself.

He won't slow down. And I was like, and then he's lifting his other leg out of the car, and he's like, nah, better off. Like, oh, mate. Like, kind of not aggressively, but a little bit. A little bit. A little bit, oh, mate, I don't want this hot young buck coming in. Do you think that's what he thought?

You're like an attractive, young, muscular man going in on his woman. Yeah. Yeah. Little does he know, I wake up every morning and go, oh, my God, my back. And I actually have to lift my own leg out of bed. But I'd warmed up for the day. I'm ready to lift some compost. Yeah.

And so he's getting out of the car slow and she's looking at me like, hurry up. Get him in. Get him in. He's hurt himself lifting stuff before and he won't bloody, he won't do it properly and he'll hurt himself. And so I grabbed the first bag and the old guy's like, oi! Oi! Oh, awkward. Cheeky

bastard. Like, as he's getting out of the car and I get the second one in and then she had like you know when you get a whole lot of loose stuff they put it in a box you grab the box put it in and shut the thing and I was like I'll take your trolley for you now you didn't push you didn't force the boot shut

because those automatic ones I forced it shut so now I've just chucked this compost in and also just been like stronger than machines slam shut No, you don't do that. Now I've just chucked this compost in and also just been like, stronger than machines. Slam. Slam. Shut.

I just want physical 100. And I said, I'll take your trolley for you because I need a trolley anyway. Yeah. And she was like, thank you very much. And I said, well, you've got a nice strong man to get them out of your car when you get home. To him, who he just got out of the car. And he was like, huh. And then he turned around and

begun the journey to get back into the car oh god he's not getting those bags out is he and then I said unless you want me to follow you home and unload it when you get there very jovial way to end the conversation and he said piss off as he shut the door yeah and she said thank you very much and got in the car

yeah I think you took it one step too far. With the last little bit of follow you home. Yeah. And unload it. Yeah, because he's clearly such a wimp, a weak wimp. He won't be able to get them out. The testosterone was flowing after that.

I bet. Yeah. We're going to take that great generation and just show them that he's nothing now. Yeah. Hoo, hoo, hoo. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Remember yesterday.

Do you remember that far back when I shared? Yesterday. I remember yesterday. And it was about, it was a fella saying how you can tell if people are lying on their dating profiles. Same fella. Yeah. Different article now.

Right. This was a guy yesterday that said 80% of people on their dating profiles are lying. Believe what he's saying today. The red flags, like once you've accepted a date with someone, whether they've lied on their profile or not, the red flags to look forward to, look for on this. So, aka how to tell if they're a psycho killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he's a body language expert for the FBI.

Okay. Leaning in during discussions. Good sign. Wait, is this the same body language expert that we talked about when I talked earlier on how to be sexy? Yeah. Hang on a sec. You're leaning back there, Vaughn. Yeah, is this not going to work?

No, I'm leaning sideways. This is absolute red flag. Yeah, but back and sideways. That's a big red flag. You should be leaning forward. I have a feeling this guy uses his powers for dating now. Do you No, I'm leaning sideways. This is an absolute red flag. Yeah, but back and sideways. That's a big red flag. You should be leaning forward. I have a feeling this guy uses his powers for dating now. Do you see how I was leaning into you? I do.

Like I'm interested in what you're saying, hey. Yeah, I know. And it really makes me feel heard. And I want to engage a few more. I'm also mirroring your exact posturing behaviour. Because I care. Because you're trying to be sexy. This date is going so well.

This guy could literally solve all of our problems. Okay. If someone doesn't like you, they to be sexy. This date is going so well. This guy could literally solve all of our problems. Okay. If someone doesn't like you, they'll lean away and drop their chin. Your chin. But you actually have that chin anyway. Yeah.

Very strong chin. You hide it with the bed. Very strong chin. Your throat area, your jugular, I guess, is a power zone. And when we're not comfortable around people, we tend to hide our power zones. That's why people grow beds. Because you just go like lip to basically neck, don't you?

Lip to neck, yeah. Lip to nip, actually. The bed goes all the way down to the nips. Also, if they, so guys will cover their groins a lot, like stand like that. And women will cross their arms across their chest. We're guarding. Bad sign.

Also, if we're talking and I put like my drinks and like condiments and stuff and create a barrier between us. And, you know, he said. He said you got to clear the barrier between if you want to seem sexy. He said this is absolutely they don't want to do it. Hygiene gestures. Hygiene gestures. Hygiene gestures. Clean yourself.

Gross. Hiding their wrists or their necks is a positive sign. Oh, no, it's not hiding them. You're showing their vulnerable areas of their body, like their wrists and their neck. It's a positive sign that they're open and they're interested in hearing from you from different angles

and whatnot. Words to look out for. Convince. Let me convince you of this. That's a bad word. What if people use that like on a date? Yeah. Okay.

You see that's what, on a con man, that's a confidence man, isn't it? Yeah. That's what the con and con man show for. Yeah, he said if he keeps on saying like, oh, you know, if I could convince you that, you're going, oh no, that's a red flag. Anyway, there's a whole list here. The world's full of red flags, I'd say.

They're all red. Stay alone forever. Well, actually, isn't red the most popular colour on the world's flags I remember when I was at primary school That's what I say, all the flags are red We did an Olympics project And we all had to work on all the flags of the countries Going to the Olympics and the red felt ran out

The quickest and you know what Mrs Meredith said What? Use the crayons, now that's the sort of resourcefulness That I believe the modern teaching environment Is missing The felt's gone crayons. Now that's the sort of resourcefulness that I believe the modern teaching environment's missing. The fouts are gone. The fouts are gone?

Well, the red fouts ran dry. I also believe Andrew Leach might have left the lid off one of them. Oh, yeah, he sounded like he'd leave the lid off. He's a lid lever. He needs to lick it, and then you get a new life. No, we tried. Remember pulling the end off a fout and spitting in it to try to get a bit more ink out of it? Some people would put vinegar in it or something. Vinegar?

Is that a thing? That might have been. Kids carrying around some vinegar. Well, Fletch always had a hundred mil of vinegar on him as a child. Did you not have a hundred mil of vinegar on you? I didn't and I've missed out here. You have. For fermenting and such.

She's always been about gut health. It's the gut health. Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back? Yes. Let's do that with this podcast. Oh, yeah. Review it five stars, tell your friends, and we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything.

But where are you giving me my five stars? Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes. If you give us five stars on this podcast, tell us where you would like your review, and we'll review. We won't even go.

We'll just review your thing. I don't want people to know where my restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants. Oh, I was going to say because that's exactly the opposite of how

restaurants work.