ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 3rd December 2024

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Bird Flu is in NZ Drinkable Mayo Orcas Fashion Trend is back Top 6 Smutty books are helping relationships Wildest thing that happened at a family gathering Shannon's Big Mac Salad SLP - Can you play an instrument? Oxford word of the year What are you embarrased to buy as an adult Fact of the Day Troye Sivan Review Robert Irwin post about DadSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great Things Are Brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you Bryn Rudkin. Good morning. Welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hey proud of you Hon, really proud of you. What just for being here? Just for being bushy, bright eyed and bushy tailed after a great concert last night.

Yeah we had a big night on a school night didn't we? Yeah I think but we anticipated maybe a bit being late, I went to Troye Sivan last night, we're going to give big night on a school night, didn't we? Yeah, I think, but we anticipated maybe a bit being late. I went to Troye Sivan last night. We're going to give a bit of a review later on. Okay, good.

Yeah, we'll hear about that because it's good times. But great. But then waking up to this news that bird flu's in New Zealand. Yeah, I heard it

last night. Should I be stockpiling eggs? That's exactly what they've said not to do. Oh, okay. It's exactly

what they've said not to do. Panic buying's not going to sell. Eggs also don't last forever. So if you buy like a year's worth of eggs. It's exactly what I've said. Panic buying is not going to sell. Eggs also don't last forever. So if you buy like a year's worth of eggs. It's not going to work, yeah.

You can dehydrate them, but yeah. God, I love my weekend eggs. I'm at weekend scrambies. You'll still get your scrambies. Can you give us eggs? Nope. I'm stockpiling my own eggs. I did think maybe I need to get more chickens.

I took them all down to Chemist Warehouse for a jab. They all got the COVID jab. They got the flu jab. Yeah, we jumped in the chimney. That's the good thing about the chimney. It contrasts to what many chickens it wants. Small for humans, perfect for chickens. Huge for chickens.

Yeah. And we all got the COVID jab for the chickens. How does it get to New Zealand? Did some chicken go on holiday and get the flu? Oh, yeah. And then flew back and it's like... Yeah, you know when you come off a plane sometimes, you're like, oh, no, I caught the cold.

Oh, great holiday, but yeah, I feel like shit. Yeah, I remember there was a thought about migrating birds at one stage. Oh, right. Chickens, especially on free-range farms, often come into contact with wild birds and the diseases pass between them and then with other chickens in the shed. We should put up a big wall. Get the big sad chickens with the huge breasts

because you said mostly on free range farms oh yeah I always buy only exclusively free range I'll go back to the well the ones locked in the shed don't get to socialise

they're sort of on a permanent lockdown yeah they are side by side just crammed in there well the top six coming up 30 years ago today

the original Playstation today today the original Playstation was released in Japan there? Well, the top six coming up. 30 years ago today, the original PlayStation Today. Today. The original PlayStation was released in Japan. That's 30 years of PlayStation. Wow. So the top six is the top six things you could have achieved if you hadn't blown the last 30 years playing PlayStation. None of it's going to be as good as a good PlayStation game, though.

No. Next on the show, though, word to the wise. I've got a word to the wise and why I'm holding a wand the whole show. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Nino. Nina. El Nino. The weather?

Yeah, the weather. El Nino. Which one are we in? I don't know. There's La Nina and El Nino. The boy and the girl, right? I thought they haven't decided yet. Okay.

Because remember we had. Is it a summer thing? What do you mean they haven't decided? 2024's out of control. We can't even give the weather agenda Oh God, it's PC madness Well, because remember we had that really bad summer And it was so rubbish

And it was never nice And then we were like When are we going to get one of those delicious hot summers? I think we're in for it Now there's some insane temperatures around the country Dude, yesterday was roasting I got hot, I couldn't even walk on the deck in Oh my God. Dude, yesterday was roasting. I got hot. I couldn't even walk on the deck in bare feet.

Oh wow. Yeah, it was really hot and I got caught. I got caught out. And also I was in the cargo on Saturday, Sunday, just gone. And man, it was blazingly hot and very beautiful. It was really beautiful. Really beautiful in the South Island. Have you been to the South Island?

You should check it out. Really stunning. It's a hell of an island. It's a hell of an island. Anyway, but yesterday, yeah, in Auckland, far out it was so hot. And I got home and I was like, I've got to help Aaron maybe for like 20 minutes outside before I had to go do something else. And I put on a T-shirt, didn't think anything of it, right?

Put on a T-shirt, like an old working shirt, didn't think anything of it, right? Put on a T-shirt, like an old working shirt, didn't think anything of it. And then yesterday after the concert, after the shower, I got into bed. I stayed at Fletcher's last night. Separate beds. Separate beds. Don't start rumours.

Don't start rumours. Separate beds. The last thing we need is sex muddling up this genuine friendship. But I believe you can feel and hear. It will get messy. I feel like it comes across on air. Yeah, definitely comes across. There was tension as we sort of closed the door. It was like, should we?

And I was like, no, it'll mess up the vibes. For the good of the show. I'd already shut the door. For the show. I was like, knock, knock, knock. He was like, I was like, sure, okay, you're asleep. So I just went into the spare room. But I got in there and I had the itchiest middle of my back.

And I thought it was because yesterday. I said itchiest middle of the back. That first syllable, that first sound. I was just like, what are you about to tell me? Itchiest middle of my back. And I thought it was because at Troye Sivan last night, I wore a harness. It felt appropriate.

Yeah. And I thought maybe I had been rubbing. And then I went into the bathroom and I saw that the T-shirt I had wore that I thought had quite a small hole in it had a big hole. Yeah. I want an itchy big, and I've got a big burnt circle. Oh, dude. No, this is brutal out there.

I was out, I reckon, 15 minutes max. I was out, and it just burnt this perfect hole on my back. First burn, it was 2nd of December. That's so early. Yeah. So, yeah, be careful out there. Even though I was only out for a short time, I did put sunblock everywhere but not the back hole.

Also, it sounds like that t-shirt needs to go. It's a banned t-shirt from a concert 11 years ago. And you can't bring yourself to... I can't let go of it. It's threadbare. And it's like, I think it got caught on a hook and just tore in the

back. It's time to get rid of it because it's trying to kill you. It's trying to kill me. I've got burnt my back hole, so to speak. It's so lovely. She was talking about a hole in the T-shirt on her back, not her bum hole. Oh, God, no, I wasn't talking about that. My back hole, the hole in the back of my T-shirt. But luckily.

You say December 2nd's early for sunburn. I reckon as soon as Labor Weekend's out of the way, even over winter, if it's a sunny day, you've got to. You just forget New Zealand is so harsh. Labour Weekend on for me is full. Sunburn territory. Full burn. And topping it up

at lunchtime. Well luckily, Brian Clint left a Galinda wand in the studio from their Wicked sing-along, and it's all hard, itchy, pless. It's so perfect on the back. It's like a back scratcher. Oh, my God.

So it's a wand doubling as a back scratcher. Yeah. Oh, that's good. When you were itching your back, it went... Oh, yeah. Anyway, be careful. Where's sunblock, please. Meow. Meow. Anyway, be careful. Where's sunblock, please?

Yeah. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. Japan. I know. How in the country? Yeah. Now, there is a... Have you been? No, but it's...

That's madness. I know. It's on my list. There is a convenience chain, kind of like, you know, the 7-Elevens and stuff, called Lawson's. They have launched a drink that they say is out on trial, on a trial basis. And I don't know if it will be a full-time thing

because the reviews online are not great. It is a drinkable mayonnaise. It's drinkable mayo. Okay. So I wanted to look at this. No, explain more about this, and then I want to show you what I've just seen, and I think I could turn you on this.

What flavour is mayo? Egg. Yeah. I mean, people online... Egg and vinegar. Someone online called it a savoury eggnog. Yes. So the moment I just Googled mayonnaise drink

to have a look at what you were going to talk about I saw two things that Piqued my interest One, frozen mayo nog Like eggnog, which I hate eggnog I've only had it once in my life and I was like that's feral An eggy booze drink We made it when we were 13 and my mum was just like

Sweet yeah, knock yourself out I had a friend over before Christmas And we were kids and she had no idea it had booze in it. And so we made eggnog and mum was like oh that's quite nice isn't it? And then we drank the whole jug of eggnog and that's when she was like what's in this? And we showed her and she's like how much brandy have you put in here?

And I showed her and she was like ah! And then she panicked because we were kind of tipsy 13 year olds. Yeah. So this is a woman in Japan who has the drink. It's in like a little silver cup, like 200 mils. You rip the tin foil off or you pierce it with a straw.

Yeah. And, and you, you, you drink the mayonnaise. Made with milk, dairy type products and mayonnaise seasonings. Just giving it.

And I will try it. Here we go. So that you don't have to. Oh, don't be, don't have to. Oh! Oh! It's disgusting. It's basically like thinned out mayonnaise with

vinegar or something. Don't try it. It's not worth it. What was she expecting though? Oh gross, this drink is literally called drinkable mayonnaise. It tastes like mayonnaise thinned out with vinegar, one of the most important ingredients in mayonnaise. So there are so many reviews like that online.

People are just trying the drink for the first time and people are like, I'm tipping it out. I'm tipping it out. I can't finish. But listen to this. You know Hellman's, which is a brand of mayonnaise. Sorry, I nearly vomited in my mouth. They

have a spicy mayonnaise dressing that they sell and a recipe on their website that I found when I Googanized. When I Googanized. I'm going to stay with it. It's way better than Googled. Way better. When I Googanized drinkable mayonnaise,

they have a recipe for a spicy mayo margarita. Hellman's is best foods, eh? We call it best foods here. In America, it's Hellman's. Yeah, it's exactly the same. Three parts tequila, three parts triple sec, two parts lime juice, and one teaspoon of Hellman's spicy mayonnaise dressing.

I assumed it was going to be in, well, I don't know. But you've got to think about, you know, when you make like a sour cocktail and you put egg whites in there, I guess it would thicken it? No, again, it's not for me. I'm going to try that. It's not for me. I love mayonnaise.

Sorry, I'm yawning at the thought of. Drinking a spicy mayo margarita. Yeah, it was yawn or gag, so I opted for yawn. Yeah, right. Play. ZM. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Just off the air, we were just realising we've all had different upbringings

and yet we're still friends. You know, we all landed up in the same place regardless. What have you found? Some graph that... Okay, I have found an incredible graph, or incredible depending on who's reading it, of NCA pass rates. In what schools?

And you can go, you can go, it's kind of a movable graph looking at. I love an interactive graph. Socioeconomic barriers to education. So mine's all the way over to the right. We white, we rich. Because you're a private school or we're born in a way.

And all, honestly, what was the sort of ethnic makeup of your school? Very white. Very white? Yeah, very white. Sprinkling of Asian, Indian kind of vibe

and then very few Maori. Yeah. Me. Yeah, you. Me and a girl called Jade. Right. Anyway. Wow, but anyway.

So then we just put it, we looked up our own school's passing rate and mine was like third from the top or something. We looked up New Plymouth, which was 50%-ish. Yeah. And then I was like, well, let's check out Vaughan School. Lawrenceville College. 29.7% of students pass. Jeez.

That's not great. That's really not great. Lucky you even made it out. Dude, I know. Really not great. Anyway. That's on the NZ Herald, by the way, if you want to go look. Being from a small Waikato town, what we've got to do is find another school that was in the Waikato,

preferably from Matamata Te Aroha. Well, give me a school. Somewhere. And then we make it them. At least someone's worse than us sort of thing. Right. Okay. Muttah Muttah College.

I'll look it up. I'm trying to make you feel better. No, I don't feel like they're going to be worse. Way better. Yeah. You know why? Hobbit money. Oh, yeah.

Hobbit money. And don't even look at Cambridge. Horse money. And that's what we do. We blame money. It's quite a fun little graph. Yeah. If you want to go, it's on the NZ Herald at the moment.

How does your school rate, latest NCEA And university entrance results Every college in New Zealand ranked Anyway, I'm not talking about education Because it doesn't matter, we all wound up in the same position Didn't we? Even though my school had 96% pass Wow, 96% Mind you, if you'd paid for it and you didn't pass You'd kick their ass

Yeah, you would Or 100% It's fashion news. Fashion is my passion. And Vaughn, I believe this was a fact of the day about orcas and their fashion cycles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they wear like octopuses on their head and stuff.

So apparently this is like a cyclical thing. They go through trends like we do, fashion trends. It's happening again and they're wearing dead salmons on their head. Is this the orcas up north? Orcas, yeah. Like the northern hemisphere orcas. Yeah. Back in 1987, a female orca whale from the

K-Pod was spotted parading around with a dead salmon on her head. And in this article here, it will say, girly was a trendsetter. Yeah, this tickles me. This really tickles me. Before long, and I remember this from Vaughan making this a fact of the day once,

others from her pod were seen sporting the same look. Yeah, they do. They copy each other's. I remember they copy. By the next summer, the salmon hat was nowhere to be seen. So they were like... Because it was like, oh, that was so like last year. Oh my God.

Are you wearing a salmon? Are you wearing a dead salmon on your head? That's so embarrassing, Han. We're not doing that anymore. It's back. It's been seen again. Just like baggy jeans. Just like baggy jeans or low-rise jeans or skinny jeans.

No, it'd be like wearing a Big Mac on your head. Because the salmon is the food that the orcas eat fish. So it's like wearing a banana on your head. Old Big Mac. Because they'd eat fresh salmon. They're wearing dead salmons. But I wonder if they just like put it up there

to carry it around before they do eat it like a snack for later. Yeah. I don't know if you guys know this and this might shock you about all because they don't have hands.

Thus, they don't have handbags. That's right. They lack. They got salmon hats. They got salmon hats. That's where they keep it. They don't need a handbag.

What a salmon hat. So they like pop up out of the water and parade their little hats around and like because it's like cyclical, like fashion trends. 37 years ago apparently was when the last salmon on your head fashion. And you think about what was 37 years ago? 1980 something. See, I think the kids now are delving back into like 90s fashion.

I'm seeing a lot of like baggy jeans Late 90s Big hoodies and stuff Have there been any other like stingray hats or No at the moment just salmon horn Jellyfish I remember there were orcas wearing jellyfish hats Yeah right at the moment salmon's in fashion

Okay right If you wear a jellyfish hat that's so embarrassing Did your mum get you that horn? Yeah How embarrassing But you know there's going to be the like Okay, right. If you wear a jellyfish hat, that's so embarrassing. Did your mum get you that horn? Yeah. How embarrassing. But you know there's going to be the like slightly weird, gothy orcas that are trying to buck the trend. Yeah.

So they'll be wearing a jellyfish hat because they don't care, man. Yeah, I'm not subscribing to your societal norms of salmon hats. Yeah. It is honestly one of the funniest things. Like I encourage you today at work to Google it because it's just search orcas wearing salmon hats. Yeah. It is honestly one of the funniest things. Like, I encourage you today at work to Google it because it just says Orcas wearing salmon hats. It's very funny. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. 30 years ago today, the PlayStation was released in Japan, which is wild to think they're only up to PlayStation 5. I was just thinking the same thing when you said that.

If you think about iPhones, in 30 years... Oh, they cranked them out. Yeah, but they can... Yeah, I suppose so. But then also... PlayStation 1 and the PlayStation 2, correct me if I'm wrong,

did not connect to the internet. Right. But the 3 did. So from there on, it was capable of updates? Right. Because the first ones, you just put the disc in and go for it. So if you remember the mid-90s, like I do, and the video game wars, Sega dropped out. Sega putt-putted.

It was the Nintendo 64 versus the PlayStation 1. One on a disc, one on a cartridge. The big wars. Yeah. We had a Sega, one on a cartridge. The big wars. Yeah. We had a Sega and then my brother had a Nintendo. And then I've never had a PlayStation until now. And Aaron's got one. So you went straight to the 5.

Dipped a toe in at the 5. Yeah. Top stuff. Must be nice, must be nice. Well, the first year, well, the first games, Gran Turismo, which remains the best-selling game of the PlayStation 1. That sold 10.85 million copies. Gran Turismo, what's that?

It was a car racing game. Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Metal Gear, Tekken, and Final Fantasy were all the big ones. So, 30 years ago today. What's the one where you just go around stealing cars and killing people? Grand Theft Auto. Someone asks you a question, you're like, What's up? Yeah.

You'd pay someone for a service and then immediately pull out a baseball bat, pay them to death and take your money back. And then jump in the car and listen to the radio. That was what I used to love about it. Grand Theft Auto radio. You'd get into your cheesy station. It was great radio. Yeah.

And then, you know, no one was bitching about that same song being played every half an hour, were they? On Racket Auto Radio. No. It was literally just one song per station. No one was contacting Rockstar Games. Yeah. Top six things you could have achieved if you hadn't spent the last 30 years playing PlayStation.

Number six on the list, you could have been a doctor. Yeah, but... Maybe not. Does that compare with just, like, blobbing all day and playing PlayStation? It's harder. Yeah. To be a doctor.

Way harder to be a doctor. Are you serious? You tried some of the upper levels of Call of Duty? No, I haven't. Actually, I haven't. Very, very hard.

Very difficult. Very difficult. Require a lot of dexterity in the fingers and thumbs. Number five on the list of the top six things you could have achieved

if you hadn't spent the last 30 years playing PlayStation. You could have been an All Black. Yeah. But then also, why bother?

Because on PlayStation 1 you played Journal of Rugby. Yeah. And again, you could have been an All Black. Yeah. But then also, why bother? Because on PlayStation 1, you played Journaloma Rugby. Yeah. And again, you could have been an All Black there. This is the thing,

I actually couldn't have ever been an All Black, but I could be a Journaloma. Yeah, you could play Journaloma Rugby.

Yeah. I've got the thighs for it. There you were, an All Black. Yeah. Tick. Number four on the list of the top six

things you could have achieved if you hadn't spent the last 30 years playing PlayStation. You could have learned another language. Yeah. But at the same time, I've played some Japanese games and you just turn on subtitles. Yeah.

So I kind of am speaking Japanese. Yeah. By reading English, I'm speaking Japanese. Apologies to our Japanese listeners this morning. Yeah. I don't know the Japanese word for apologize unless it's subtitled. And then I'll be able to tell you.

Number three on the list of the top six things you could have achieved if you hadn't spent the last 30 years playing PlayStation. You could have climbed Everest. I don't know if you could have. I don't want to. It's not for everybody.

Yeah, I don't want to. It costs a lot of money. You could have put a lot of PlayStation games for the same amount as it would have cost to play Everest. Probably a game where you can even go up Everest. There's queues. There's queues. There's queues now. You don't have to be bothered

standing in a line to get to the top of the mountain. There's probably Everest Simulator on PlayStation 5. Yeah, there probably is. There probably is. There's farming. There's power.

You know the water blasting simulator we talked about? Someone told me in the new farming simulator 2025, to relax, you can pull out the power washer and wash your tractors. How good?

How good's that? I worry about humanity going forward. You can virtual reality climbing Everest from the comfort of your couch. Oh, there you go. That's easier. From the comfort of your couch? Yeah.

So you're just sitting. It's like you're being dragged up Everest on a sled by some Sherpas. Yeah, they're dragging my corpse. Yeah, and you die, and then your last thing is shut down, black screen.

Number two on the list of the top six things you could have achieved if you hadn't spent the last 30 years playing PlayStation, you could have become entirely self-sufficient.

Yeah. What, like started a farm and got some animals and planted vegetables? Learn all those skills. You definitely would play less PlayStation now than when you didn't

have your little family. Oh, dude. There was a 20... Well, over lockdowns and stuff, because it was the way I socialised with mates, we got into the Friday night habit. But actually, I just started playing Spider-Man 2. I don't know, I'm really late to the game.

And I started playing it when it was raining at the weekend and I was like, uh-oh. It's not me. What have you done? Uh-oh. It's got me. And what should be the most productive season for someone who's got a list of jobs outside to do a mile long.

Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six things you could have achieved if you hadn't spent the last 30 years playing PlayStation, you could have got laid more. Yeah, you could have. But to be honest, no, there's nothing I'll hear now that I'll agree with. There's been some fantastic PlayStation games that are on par,

if not better than sex. Oh, my God. Wow. That's a wild statement. Ever got a Victory Royale on Fortnite? Boom, that feels pretty good. No. I think you're doing sex wrong.

I might be doing it wrong. I think you're doing it so wrong. I might be doing it wrong. You can't look up how to do it online like you can with video games if you get stuck at a certain point. Oh, you can. I'll help you out, brother. Okay. So I've watched a lot of videos, but not everybody's into those ones.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll help you out. Thanks. That's today's Top 6. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, I'm going to do a little free shout-out here. Okay? Okay. If we're doing free shout-outs, you shout-out, you shouted out your Mum's Row show. Yeah. You it out your mum's rose show.

You shout it out your dad's mate's mechanic business. Phil's Motorcycle Centre in Lawrenceville. Oh, stop it. He's had enough. He's had enough. He's had enough, okay? He sent us his stickers. We were grateful we've moved on. I'm shouting out our very own producer, Carwin.

Okay. She's got an Instagram page. Now she's got a personal one. That's where you see her going, stuff like that. That's a an Instagram page. Now she's got a personal one. That's where you see her going, stuff like that. That's a very good, yeah. I was pretty spot on there. That was pretty good.

She's also got a book page, Carwin Reads. Just Carwin Reads. That's it. That's a great name. Thank you. You don't have to do Carwin Reads underscore one four

or something. Way to rub it in everybody else's face that you can read. Yeah. Yeah, show off. Should we look up your school on the NZ passing rates? Oh, no. Let's not.

I can. What was your school? William Colenzo College in Hawksback. William. Isn't that an advertising agency? Did you go to school at an advertising agency? A marketing agency? Yeah.

And your end of year balls were just those huge awards nights? Oh, yeah. Absolutely chaotic. Oh, wow. You're about as shit as my school hell yeah 28.2 that means you're just behind Morrinsville College be humble

well I can read you're one of the few so the reason I'm talking about this is because you read mostly romance we'll say with a kiss of smart well with like 3 or 4 chillies You read mostly romance, we'll say, with a kiss of smut. Well, with like three or four chillies. Three or four chillies.

I'm a four to five chilli. Yeah, I'm a four to five chilli. If I start reading and I work out it's a three, I'm out. Someone I know rates it out of seven chillies, and I'm afraid to ask. Too many chillies. I'm afraid to ask why out of seven chillies. I thought it might have been a smut thing. No, five is the max.

Five or ten. Yeah, seven's such an odd number. I know. I don't know why I was afraid to ask. Well, if you want to check out, because you do good recommendations, and me and Carwin were just recommending a couple of books. Carwin and I. Jeez Louise, this old dummy from Orangeville College,

you have to correct private schools. She's from the 98%. I'd done a book already and I was going to say that. Me's and Carwin. Me's and Carwin. Sorry, you're correct. Me's and Carwin were Me's and Carwin. Sorry, you're correct. Me's and Carwin were just recommending books to each other. And mine is smuttier than hers.

But there's benefit here, right? So there is a therapist and sexologist, her name is Nicoletta, great name, who kind of like broke down the benefits of reading smart. Because in general, pornographic content has been through the male gaze. And then like these books

are all written by women. Here's some of the benefits. Yeah, because we don't need a book, do we? We need a 15 minute highlights video of a one hour long video that they put online for promo purposes. No, no, but only you are enjoying that. Women watch it and they're like,

no thank you to all of that move and that and that and that. But it's more that we can visualise it ourselves. You guys have to see it. Thick. Yeah, well, we're going to... We're thick. We do like them thick.

Yeah, we're thick. T-H-I-C-C. C-C. Okay, here's some of her points of why reading smart is beneficial for you, your mental health and your sexual health. They offer a temporary escape from reality. The world is not great at the moment.

I don't know if you've looked around. Reality sucks. You can just get into the book and. I don't know if you've looked around. Reality sucks. You can just get into the book and enjoy it. That's probably true of any novel. They increase sex drive. So if maybe you're someone who was like on oral contraceptive pill, which I was on for like 18 years, absolutely crushes it.

It's good. You hop into bed, have a little read, gets things zhuzhen, things can happen. Put you in a happier headspace, help reduce religious or cultural shame around sex. I mean, I didn't have any of that growing up,

but as a Catholic man, you know. We were riddled with guilt. We were Catholic light. Oh, right. Do you know, I just found out recently why, because my wife's family was also like semi-Catholic raised. Right. And my brother-in-law.

Catholics are the wafers though, the wafer biscuits. Yeah, we're wafer boys. Why do they eat those? It's the body of Christ, amen, communion. He gave us his body, he gave us his blood. So you're eating them. Put some cheese on it though. And a yuck biscuit.

And a cracker. And a plain wafer cracker. And the worst wine you've ever drunk in your life. Weird. And I just found out recently, because I said to my mom, why were we never altar boys? Like why were we never involved? And she said, well, it meant we had to get there early.

Oh, God. And, you know, so she was like. And I thought, and I was like, I'm high praise. My mother believes I'm to be such an attractive child I may have been. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my goodness. That's literally what she said. Oh, my goodness. That's literally what she said. Oh, my goodness.

And you know. So she was a terrible Catholic. So they were saying like people that grew up Christian, that they're no longer Christian and wanting to explore things. They say it's a hard thing to shake sometimes. That there's that kind of shame around it. So you read these books and you're like, no shame. Okay.

Help balance out a desire discrepancy perhaps between you and your partner. If you are feeling less that way, you read a book and kind of get aligned. And help improve your body confidence. I mean, there's just benefits galore. I finished reading a book and I will recommend it. It's Smutlight. Okay. So I'm happy to say it on here.

It's called A Love Letter to Whiskey. It absolutely broke my heart. It's got nothing to do with whiskey. Did you read it or did you fletch read it? I read this one. Okay. While I fletch read another one in my ear holes. Audiobooks are reading. It's not on.

It's basically a glorified podcast. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Christmas is on its way. And for everyone, yeah, give me a little countdown, babes. Well, it's easy now because it's the 3rd of December and you just minus it, don't you? Yeah, but my school was only 17% past.

It's easy now. It's like 25 minus 3. Minus 25 from the day we're on. So the 25th of December is Christmas. It's the 3rd of December. Hey, your school was thicker than mine. Yeah, I know, but not as thick as Carwin's. Carwin's the thickest.

Wait, did we do Shannon's? We didn't do Shannon's school. Shannon, what was your school? The glorious Howlett College. Oh, for those that have just joined us, the Herald, I believe it's premium. It's behind the premium wall. Because somebody did message in saying...

I almost feel like we should just open up the last hour of the show and we just give us your school and we search for people's school because people love this. It's an interactive graph showing the latest NCEA

It was 2023. Right. And also it's not FICUS. It's because it says the 100% attainment rate versus socioeconomic barriers to education.

Yeah. We sit here in our seats of privilege. Don't we? How at college are you a second from the top under me? I'm on 92%. You're on 58.3. Big drop. Not second on the list.

Second from Hayley. Out of the show. I'll still take it. So my school done better. Your school's in red too. Yeah, my school is in red. And that meant my parents paid a lot for it. So I got the

best public though. Yes, best public. Shut up. Congratulations, best public goes to Shannon. Best private goes to Hayley. And worst private goes to Hayley. Okay, anyway, we digress. We sound like a fighting family. And that could be what some people are looking forward to this Christmas.

I know my Christmases are pretty easy. Easy breezy. My family gets on, we're very close. Yeah, there's no fighting. No fighting. We've never had fights. Oh, once my mum's sister called me and my brother heathens

and then punched my mum. That was awesome. Is she the protester one? Yeah, yeah. She's the one who was recently photographed with Brian Tamaki. We'll just leave that out there. We'll just leave that out there. We'll just leave that out there.

Do you know what I mean? She pulled your heathens and punched you in the mouth. It was when we were teenagers and I was gothy and my brother was quite punky and in bands and stuff. And we were heathens. Yeah. Was this at a Christmas? I think I'd already had sex at that point.

Was this? Yuck. Was it Christmas? It was at Christmas. Was it Christmas? That's the kind of story we want to hear about. This is what we want to hear about because people are sharing their stories. Thanksgiving happened recently.

Of the wild things that happened at their family gatherings. Here's some examples. One of my cousins was dating a girl who really wanted to make it big on social media. My aunt hosts beautiful holiday dinners for the family at hers. And this time this girl was invited. She tried to make my cousin's grandparents leave the room because they didn't fit

the aesthetic. They were too old. You just don't look right on my Instagram. Can you leave? She's too old. At my grandmother's holiday Christmas Eve party

my mum told me the lovely diamond necklace she was wearing was from her boyfriend. I asked if dad knew and she said no. Oh wait, so Mum and Dad were still married or Mum and Dad had separated and she just

didn't. Yeah. Imagine you said to your Mum like, oh my God, Mum, that's such a beautiful necklace. Did Dad get that? No, my boyfriend. Sorry? And Dad's like across the room. Yeah. Wild. Two of my uncles, here's another story, two of my uncles got into a fight. They ended up with one uncle outing the other uncle's son to my entire family.

We don't do that. No. Then I got a nosebleed because I was panicking to run out of the room. That's great. Just so many fights, so many fights, so many disagreements, and some of them are wild stories, and I'm sure that we have our own. So with Americans sharing these wild Thanksgiving stories, we want to know from you now.

What is the wild thing that happened at your family gathering? Because maybe it was a birthday, but with Christmas coming, it sort of feels like. It's normally Christmas because of the booze. The booze gets everybody a bit lippy. The booze and the wider family are often there. You know, it's not just like mum, dad, and sibs. Nan and pop, who sometimes have some sort of backwards

points of view. Oh yeah, like gran or nan. And we bring our new partners to Christmas. Oh yeah. Maybe this is the first time you've brought a female partner to Christmas you know, and we just. Same sex partners. Sarah's friend. Sarah's friend. You're like mum, that's my girlfriend.

Well, I think we'll just say friend. We just think it's a phase. Special friend It's just a phase. Sarah's just bringing her special friend with her. While she's in this phase Yeah, they're sharing a bed but it's just more of a sort of a friendship phase. Okay, 0800 Darls at Emerson number, give us a call now

text through 9696 Tell us the wildest thing that happened at your family gathering. Wow, okay Carwen literally just said she was scared to call anyone in case they say too much. Feel free to let this be anonymous if you need it to be. We want to know the wild thing that happened at your family gatherings. Yeah, because there are some crazy messages coming in.

Totally. And, like, everyone's sharing from around the world. Christmas is coming and Thanksgiving's just been in the States. Getting families together is always an adventure. May I? You may. Please do. My wife and my sister got been in the States. Getting families together is always an adventure. May I? Please do. My wife and my sister got into fisticuffs at 9am. By 9.30am, the whole family...

Wait, wife and sister? Wife and sister. My wife and her sister. Oh, okay. This is on Christmas Day. Well, I assume so, yes. My wife and her sister got into fisticuffs by 9am. By 9.30am, the whole family had left

and the lunch and dinner food was just at our house. So it was just me, my wife and kids for the rest of the day. Best Christmas ever. Yeah, that sounds mean. You'd have so much ham though. You'd be leftovers until like February. Yeah, I know. Ham for days.

I got really drunk one Christmas and in front of my whole family, grandparents, great aunties, etc. I said that I was sleeping with one of And in front of my whole family Grandparents, great aunties, etc I said that I was sleeping with one of my dad's rugby teammates Oh my god Keep in mind, dad's rugby teammate was 21 And I was 19 He wasn't 40 like my dad

Dad never played rugby again Oh my god That's amazing Natasha What was the drama that went down at Christmas? So I gave my sister's partner a medal for putting up with her because she's a bit high maintenance. Oh, like a fun little joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so she took that quite well, like really well, and we thought it would have been a bit of a drama. But then my grandkirk came in and said oh well mate, if you last five years I'll give you a trophy and so that just went heads up

and yeah, lunch was pretty awkward after that. Wait, so you thought giving her the medal because you're like, she actually handled it quite well you knew what you were doing was aggravating and you're like, she actually handled it quite well. You knew what you were doing was aggravating. And you're like, we haven't pushed her

far enough. And then the grandparents come in and they're like, trophy if you last five years. And that pushes her over the cliff. Yeah, yeah. Let's just say he could have been six feet under with the devil she was giving him. Oh my God. Are they still together? Yes, no, they're still together.

Just bought a house. Trophy? Did he get a trophy? That's next year. Next year. I'm happy for this to be brought up again. You call us. We want to know next year.

Yeah, I want an update. I don't know if there's a trophy next year, all right? Yeah. Love that. We'll hear from you January 2026 after Christmas next year. Ah, Natasha, thank you. Oh my God, that top text.

We found out my dad had a secret child when she showed up at Christmas lunch. What? Not the Christmas gift. We don't do that on Christmas. I just can't imagine

a world where my father has a secret child. I just can't. It's not. It's absolutely so far out of Ian's wheelhouse that it would actually be quite exciting.

I would be like, Dad, you salty dog. I know, yeah. Craigie! like, Dad, you salty dog. I know, yeah. Creaky! Naughty boy. It depends. Is this secret child the result of an affair while he's with your mother or before? Because if it's before he's with your mum, you're kind of like,

hey, you can't be angry at that. And then I just imagine this, what now adults storming in demanding like years of Christmas presents. Yeah, that'd be fun. In lieu. Hey, we've had a couple of messages and I'm sure some people are subject to this. Comments on the body. Oh, yes.

I was picking out one Christmas as a kid. My grandfather said, stop it or you end up fat like your mother. Mum wasn't impressed. It was World War III. Oh, God. Another one. My partner's mum said to me,

you've grown some saddlebags since we last saw you. What? Mother in law. I've never been fat shamed by a family member. I would flip. Yeah. I'd do that thing and be like, right, well, I won't eat them. Oh, no.

Heaven forbid that I enjoyed my Christmas lunch. Oh, no. No ham for old Porky Pig over here. My sister at her birthday decided to scream at everybody and threatened to leave because we weren't listening to her. We were all talking about how the world's problems

aren't simple to solve and she said, well, I think we just let most of the population die and then some of our problems will be gone and that was the problem. We weren't taking her seriously

on her horrendous Thanos-like solution. Yes. At our last family gathering, we caught Nana squirting the squirty cream into the dog's mouth. You know, the... Oh, that's not good for them. Whipped cream into the dog's mouth.

That's nice. That's the biggest problem your family faces. Yeah. But what? She didn't like being told not to do that. Yeah. Okay. Grandma absolutely wouldn't take it. Mum got the gift tags mixed up and gave my brother a very spicy present.

Oh my gosh. Who do you think that was meant for? Her partner. Her partner probably. Her husband. Ah. What's this?

Is this a leather belt? What is this? It's got like a rubber ball on it. Oh no, no, no. It's for your father. It sounds like table tennis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's table tennis. It sounds like table tennis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's table tennis. Yeah, pickleball. It's big. My brothers had way too much to drink at my wedding and ended up having a full-on fistfight for hours. And when I tried to stop, one brother headbutted me. Oh, my.

That is like a scene out of a movie. That's outrageous fortune level shenanigans, eh? My mum, I haven't pre-read this one. Oh, my God. Is it? My mum, I haven't pre-read this one. Oh my God. My mum celebrated her 40th with a bunch of family, mainly dad's side at home. My uncle and cousin, who were father and son, were quite drunk. My cousin also was mixing his meds with alcohol.

Jesus Christ. They got into an argument and my cousin pinned my uncle to the wall of the garage by the throat. When you're a teenager and you see this, it really makes you think, drinking's not for this family. My mum kicked my dad in the shin and threw the cake my stepmum made on the ground at my 21st. It's not your day.

Mum. Mum kicked dad in the shin. My brother and sister had a major fight at Christmas in the South Island. Dad was there. I was having my first baby and the first granddaughter in the North Island and mum was supporting me, poor dad had to put up with the... Oh dad's on his own Dad's on his own

Oh god Someone else said we caught Nana squirting cream in the dog's mouth Now what's up with old bevel squirting cream into the dog's mouth Oh he's been such a good boy He loves it. Look at him licking his lip. We all get pudding.

Why shouldn't he? Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Fletchborn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole today is can you play an instrument? Because I want you to remember it's never too late to learn. It is so much harder. You should have done it as a kid. What are you doing that for?

I'm crushing everyone's dreams. I'm crushing everyone who's listening to me like, I think I'm going to pick up the guitar. She's pulling the ladder up behind her. I am. Yeah, she is. I got forced into it. And now that I know how to play an instrument, I'm like, huh, suckers. I did the hard work as a child.

Because we went to the annual carols at the local retirement village last night. The girls were singing songs. I thought we were going to get an invite this year. Because last year. Well, no, you did. But you guys were off to Troye Sivan. I knew where I would rather be. Retirement Village with the kids

singing Christmas carols or Troye Sivan. Did Troye Sivan have a happy hour where drinks were like four bucks? No, drinks were not four bucks. So, we went along there. But there were backup dancers. And they were lovely to look at. More on that later. Yeah. Hayley's got a full review pending.

Far out. How does a body do it? I don't know how a body looks like that. How does it? Where does the food, does the food not stick to you like it does to me? See, you went to Troye Sivan and maybe you felt a little bit bad about your own body, whereas I went and saw old people and I'm like, oh, I've got a great body. Yeah, I can do it all right.

I put away all the chairs. I carried away the chairs. But then there was a couple of old boys, I can do it all right. I put away all the chairs. But then there was a couple of old boys who were like, look at this young fella putting away all the chairs. We're going to show him we're their boss. We'll put away some chairs. You're a whippersnapper. So we all put away some chairs. Yeah. But one of the things is there's a ukulele band and they have practices and stuff

and a lot of them don't play an instrument until they get the ukulele. And I'm just like, that's pretty cool. Does it sound terrible? Good for the brain. No, no, it sounds good. Oh, okay.

You know, it's like the same rule as a whole lot of kids singing. You get enough people doing something that doesn't sound bad. Kind of masks. Drowns out of bad ones. Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

Or just meets in the middle. Yeah, I think that was me with the recorder at primary school. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we all play loud enough around Fletch, we won't hear him. I also think we've found the loophole of enough

always sounds good with recorders. Yeah. The more, it just sounds worse and worse, doesn't it? Yeah. So if they can learn an instrument at that age, I thought, what about our listeners? Do they play instruments? Can they play instruments?

75% of them cannot. Wow. And have not and do not. Wow, okay. It's very hard and it takes a lot of work. And I think that puts people off. Also, I wonder how many of those tried for like, I don't know, at school started and they were like, no.

You've got to have yourself a patsy sprout. My mum, who gave me no choice. And I'd be like, I don't want to play. And she'd be like. It's a real tiger mum. I don't want you living in this house otherwise. Wow. Okay. Yeah, I used to get in lots of trouble don't want you living in this house otherwise. Wow.

Yeah, I used to get in lots of trouble. I had to practice an hour a day. And if I ever slammed the lid, so help me God. Your fingers would be put in there and it would be slammed again. Yeah. 75% of people do not play an instrument. That means 25% of people do play an instrument. We should start a band.

And let's do it. The 25% of us should start a band. Ali said, does the triangle count? No. That's just a timed ding. Unless you're perfect at it. I'm sorry to all of our triangle players. That's just a timed ding. I'm sorry.

I totally agree. If you're a percussionist, a multi percussionist, and you play a number of things and triangle's one of them. And you're back upist, a multi-percussionist, and you play a number of things in Triangles 1 of them. And you're back up for Drums 1. Exactly. Respectable. While Drums 1 is in action, you're on Triangle, then that's okay.

But I wouldn't say that's all, right? Taylor said, yes, the harmonica, because it's random and fun to crank out the handbag on a night out. And the guitar, because I'm a school teacher, and a ukulele for the same reason. I know she wants to hear it. She's got a harmonica in her handbag, doesn't she? That sounds terrible.

It's a little key ring one. That's not technically playing. That's just blowing and moving. Oh, stop, stop. Ouch. Everyone wanted that? No. Everyone enjoys it

when I whip that out at a party? Everybody just wants to hear that. People love it when I do that. It's Piano Man by Billy Joel that's got a harmonica at the start, hey? That's what everybody wants to hear. Oh, it didn't sound like it.

Well, I don't have the full thing. It's just a little mini one. Patsy, if you're listening, she's not practising anymore and it's showing through. Tegan said, first chair in my school concert band playing the flute. And I also played on the school basketball premier team

and rode and won gold. Okay. Hey. We're not asking what else you achieved. Let's enter her school into the NCAA pass race. Yeah, what school did you go to, Tegan? Let's find out. So I feel like she said I was the first chair in flute

and then she's like, oh no, they're going to think I'm a nerd. Yeah, so I did sports too. So then she chucked in basketball and rowing. Overachiever. Just so we didn't think she was a full-blown flute nerd. Did you know that if you want to play the saxophone, which is a very sexy instrument, right? My brother played the saxophone.

You have to learn the clarinet. Like that's how they get you into it. Is that the entry instrument? Yeah, and the clarinet is... Nerd. No offence. Not a sexy instrument. It's funny.

Like, you only ever see clarinets at school, eh? Yes, I know. Because they all upgrade to sexy saxophone. Or oboe. Or oboe, which is more oboe. Yeah, yeah. Clarinet. Jonte says guitar, bitter bass, piano, drums and ukulele. Yeah. Clarinet. Jonte says guitar,

bitter bass, piano, drums and ukulele. Wow. Full band there. Tambourine, says Karen. It's my party trick.

I even BYO to weddings on request. I don't think anybody is asking her to... No, he said on request. She. Yeah, like people request that I whip out

the harmonica at a party. They love it. Do they though? They go crazy. Like you guys just did. Is it playing the tambourine? Yeah, it's actually more complicated. There's more to it than just.

Okay. Get your tambourine going. Geordie says, my sister is crazy. She can listen to a song and instantly know how to play it on the piano and I can't even read music. But I memorized how to play Immortal by Evanescence because it looked impressive to the untrained eye. Oh my God, I know I used to be like, listen, I'm really feeling some feelings.

Okay, Heidi says, I play a few instruments and they upload to social media. But at 30, I'm wondering if it's cringe and should I stop? No way. I think we can't just blanket say no way. I think we need to see the videos first. If she's expressing herself through music, I think it should be encouraged. Yeah, who cares? That's so cool.

It is cool. I think you're just jealous. Yeah, because if you were doing it... You two are being hypocrites because there's somebody that we've talked about that uploads videos of themselves singing and then playing instruments and we all set up cringeders.

I actually think that you're being really judgmental. You are! You two are lying. And I prefer not to judge people. You're being different people on the radio than you are behind the scenes. No, we're not.

I just think that's, I just, we're being really judgmental there. You express yourself however you want. Yeah, and we would never watch it back. Fletcher, Carl Peter.

We would never watch it back. But that person couldn't sing. What's that? That person couldn't sing. They were singing too earnestly. But I'm not being judgmental. You are. I'm not being judgmental.

And it's fine. But don't lie to Heidi, whose Instagram page I'm going to right now and over the course of the ad break, we're going to watch. And we will be encouraging. And we'll let her know. Oh, no, she's a private account. Sorry, Heidi, we can't judge you today. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Oxford don't muck around when it comes to the word of the year. They're not just kind of vibing this thing. Yeah, we've already had the Macquarie word of the year, the Australian dictionary. Which was... Oh, that, yeah. I can't remember.

We had the dictionary.com one was... I can't remember. The dictionary.com one was... I can't remember either. Literally, it was at the end of last week and I can't remember. Macquarie word... I'm running on four hours sleep. I don't think Macquarie has... We haven't had all of the words of the year. We've had the Macquarie.

In shitification. That's right. In shitification. And the dictionary.com one was? We haven't had. Demure. Demure. We haven't had Collins. We haven't had Collins yet. I await with bated breath.

I'm an Oxford gal. Well, Oxford, here it is. The word is brain rot. Defined as a supposed deterioration of a person's mental or intellectual state, especially viewed as a result of overconsumption of material, now particularly online content, considered to be trivial or unchallenging. Also, something characterised as likely to lead to such deterioration. Yeah, I'm definitely a little bit of a brain rotter.

Through Instagram scrolling. Instagram and TikTok scrolling, you're brain rotting. The term has increased in usage by 230% between 2023 and 2024. It peaked at 0.12 uses per million words. That's wild, eh? They've just got this algorithm running on the internet. New staff tell me how often Brain Rock gets used and for every million words, it's 0.12. Isn't that the dictionaries all talk to each other?

Like there's a bit of insider. I think they make it sound like they're competitive, but I think there's insider trading. Yeah, like they're like, we're going to do Jumeirah, and so they're like, we'll do Brain Rock. Actually, on the topic of Brain Rock, I read a real interesting article about intentional social media use. You know, because it's like there's lots of studies on it now

that it's not great for your head's well-being and too much time spent on it. So they're doing like, but these are good things, like connections and whatnot. It's worse than going to Vaughton's High School, according to those stats. Oh, I know.

God, that would tear my stats. Believe me, my high school, that's really bad. Pa's was worse than mine, and it was named after an advertising agency. Yeah, I know. But the intentional one is like going, what are the benefits of social media,

like connection or family and whatnot and how to like remove the rest of it, like unfollowing people that make you feel bad about your body. Yeah, I just watched a Five Minutes Crafts before and I swore off those, but somehow I found myself watching someone put spikes on the bottom of a pair of Crocs

and stomping on cans of soda. I'm surprised they didn't. That is undoubtedly made me dumber than I was before I watched it. That is classic brain rot. Pour concrete in here. Yeah. You want to make something out of spaghetti? No.

No. Play ZM's Flesh, Fun and Hayley. So, okay, we want to talk about the things that as an adult you are embarrassed by. Now, we'll use pseudonyms to describe our friends. Yeah, let's use some fake names. Okay, we have some friends that are a gay couple. Married.

Yeah, we'll call them... Just some common male names. Mike and Matt. Oh, yeah, Michael's a bit formal. Yeah, Mike and Matt. Yeah, two Ms. No a bit formal. Yeah, Mike and Matt. Yeah, two Ms. No one's going to figure out who they really are. And no one ever marries someone who's letters.

That wouldn't make sense. No, no, no, it's too close. Too similar, too similar. Yeah, and so we were hanging out with these. Just got a message from Mike who said, you, I can't say any of those words on the radio. Anyway, anyway. Put Mike, the pseudonym, from our actual friend any of those words on the radio. Anyway, anyway. Mike, the pseudonym from our actual friend who we're going to call Mike.

Yeah. Revealed, well, I think he revealed this to you. It was just before you arrived. Yes, yeah. So there was a purchase made of some personal lubricant. Great. Now, this purchase was made online. Yes. Because apparently he was too embarrassed as an adult man

to go into a store to buy this. Yes. But he didn't just buy it online. He used his husband's email address and name to buy it. Like, so removing himself from the act of purchasing, something very normal that anyone buys. Yeah. I buy it.

I buy it from the supermarket. Get it at the supermarket and sell it at the checkout. No, I just pop it through. Yeah. And be like, yep. And eyeball the checkout person as you do it. Yeah. Any reaction?

You've really got to watch the placement of where you put that on the conveyor belt, though. Yeah. Also, like, what you're putting it next to. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Skip the cucumber this time.

Yeah, I reckon. We'll go fruits and vegetables, we'll go meats, and then we'll take all that stuff out of the car, come back in for the personal items later.

For the phallic vegetables. Yeah, that's right. That's right. But he was just like, I don't want to be buying that on my like email address. I'm so shocked that this,

what do we call him? Mike character. Yeah. Is the pseudonym. A man in his 30s mortified to buy some personal equipment. In this day and age, how much did he order at once? Because I saw a thing online,

for $100 you can get a five litre bottle. And I assume you just buy a pump and put it on this lid here because it's exactly like when you buy five litres of like motor oil or it's that sort of bottle. You wouldn't want to untwist the cap and pour it too much. No, no. You need a funnel to pour it into a smaller vessel.

Sure, you wouldn't get it a glug. It got us talking about the things that you're too embarrassed to buy. Yes. Now, I don't get embarrassed to buy much. I mean, I still feel this weird sense of embarrassment when I buy something like a tampon. Oh, really?

My single-serve tampon. Just the one thing. I don't need eight of these. Can I just have the one? I would have thought you would have cared. I also don't use them anymore, but I do remember putting them through and then being like, they know I'm menstruating. Look, it's sort of a weird

thing. Pregnancy tests, so I always chuck those through a bit embarrassed. As a male married to a female, if she needs them, I've never been bothered to buy them. I just need to know exactly what kind you want, because I'm no good going... Oh my god, this is... We had to explain to the gaggle last night.

They were like, oh my god, we only just learnt that super tampons don't mean a super-sized. No. Yes. It just means a heavier flow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, what? Capable of stopping a bit more. Producer Girlies, is there anything you're, even as an adult now, embarrassed to buy?

Oh, it's absolutely toilet paper. Why are you embarrassed to buy toilet paper? Because I like to be an organised girly. I like to buy a big packet so I don't have to think about it for like a month. Yes. Right? But if you're carrying that around the supermarket, I could be in my cutest little outfit and I'd still feel like I've got the ick.

Because there's a chick that shits her ass. She poops. I kind of get that. Like you carry a big roll home and you kind of like, oh, but then you have to remind yourself that everybody poops. But the thing is,

is it goes both ways because if you've got a big packet, it seems like you're like, I do it more than everyone. But if you just buy one or two, it seems like I've had an emergency. I've got a poop in my pants. Yeah, like both are equally embarrassing.

Someone messaged in saying they still feel mortified when they buy condoms. And you're like, we're all human, man. Where do you get them from? Someone texted about the pregnancy test. The pregnancy test thing for me is, how do I want my face to look? Do I want to be like, oh, fingers

crossed. Or can they see my mortified look? Do I want to be like, oh, fingers crossed! Or can they see my mortified life? Hopefully not! Hopefully not! When I bought COVID tests on Uber Eats, it was the same thing. The guy handed them to me like, do you have COVID? And I was like, well, we'll see. Probably.

Yeah. Okay, well, this is what we want to ask this morning. 0800 DALS at M. You can text in 9696 and use an anonymous name like we did for our friends Mike and Matt. Quote unquote. We won't give their real identification away. Like Mike and Matt,

what are you embarrassed to purchase as an adult? Be a personal lubricant? Even online embarrassment is wild to me. Yeah. 0800 dials at M. 9696. A lot of women feeling the shame here. Yeah. Oh yeah. 800-Diles-At-M 9696. A lot of women feeling the shame here.

Interesting. Some of these I didn't even think of but of course I'm relating to all of these. What are the things that you're embarrassed to buy as an adult?

Yes. Now I can't remember the pseudonyms we've used for our friends who are I wrote them down. Okay. What was it? Matt and Mike.

Mike and Matt. Yeah right. One of them our friend Mike well pseudonym. Mike's the bad guy in this. Yeah, in this. He, too embarrassed to buy personal lubricant online even

and had to use his husband's email and name to do so. That's you, that's you, it's not me buying it. That's you, I'm not doing that. Brilliant. So, so many messages coming in. Yeah, a lot of people saying lollies. Like, how embarrassing. I get embarrassed as an adult buying lollies.

I know they're bad for me, but maybe I want a sherbet fizz because I deserve a little treat. You deserve a treatie. I love a sherbet fizz. Shane, what are you still embarrassed to buy as an adult? Buying bras and undies at, like, Kmart as opposed to a lingerie store is so awkward. Oh, because, yes, because you might be there buying, like, toys or... at like Kmart as opposed to a lingerie store. It's so awkward.

Oh, because yes, because you might be there buying like toys or household things. Yeah, there's like kids everywhere and like just so many random people and the checkout operator could be like a 17-year-old boy. Yes, because I buy all my Jim J's from Kmart, like flimsy, limsy little things. And yes, some kids like, here you go. And then you go to walk out of the store

and they want to see your receipt in your bag. Yeah, I bought nine G-strings. I burn through these things, okay? $2 each! Thank you. Steph, you used to work at a supermarket. You can shed some light on the things that people are embarrassed to buy as adults.

Yeah, so back in the day when I used to live in a supermarket, I used to operate the self-scan check-out. Oh yeah. We can see everything you scan on our screen and it was funny, the measures people used to go to hide like pregnancy tests and condoms

and I once had a friend come through and she, they had bought condoms and pregnancy tests and I was like, well, it's a bit too late for the condoms. And I once had a friend come through and they had bought condoms and pregnancy tests. I was like, well, it's a bit too late for the condoms. You needed the condoms first to get that test. But they like, hit them so well and they were turning their backs to me

and I was like, I wonder what they're buying. And I just scrolled through and I could tell. You could see your screen. Oh my god. So do you think people buy extra things that they don't need, like loaves of bread or, I don't know, magazines to hide it? Oh, 100%.

Everyone gets so embarrassed, even though you know, we don't really care. We're just there to get paid. Yeah, hundreds of people are going through and no one cares. We're all using them. Yeah, literally. It was just funny. Steph, literally. It was funny.

Steph, thank you. More messages. My husband's too embarrassed to ask for artificial sweetener when we go out for coffee. I always have to go and ask the staff if we've got any artificial sweetener. So he's too embarrassed to do it. It's a real early boomer move.

There was a wife who was, I cannot buy my husband's wood stocks. I feel like a bogan. Going in and be like, I'm not buying that. You can go and do that. Hey, man, how are you? These aren't for me, by the way. Yeah.

Yes, they are because you were only saying that because they're not. No, I've got the lovely Shiraz. Yeah, I've got a lovely wine here. I won't need these. These are for the bogan that I married. Morning after pill. That's a massive one. So many texts of people saying they get so embarrassed to ask for the morning after pill.

Do you know what's more embarrassing? Having a kid that you didn't want to have. Slightly and more expensive too. Way more expensive. Go in there and you say, hey, I had a great night and I had a little problem with my hands. Yeah, whoopsie daisy, let's make it a great morning. Whoopsie daisy, let's sort this right out. Knit shampoo for my kids.

That's a real shame because you can literally see as you pass it over, somebody's like, they take a half a step back because they don't want the knits to jump onto them. Oh, yeah. I purchased an adult fun toy online. I was worried about it arriving to the flat and my flatmates opening it or being nosy or working out what it was, so I got it sent to work.

They promised plain packaging. Well, they got most places due. Did they not? But I was so nervous reception would know that I was shipping adult fun toys to work. It did arrive discreetly, but the receptionist knew. Yeah, because it's always like global enterprises or something like that. Plain brown bag. Yeah, that is wild secrets.

Too embarrassed to buy thrush cream. Everything else I'm fine with, but I don't know why the thrush cream makes me feel like I've been a dirty girl. We've got to claim the day. We've got to claim the word. Yeah. Hello, ma'am.

I have thrush. That's where we're going to go in confidence. Thrush. Yeah. Coming through with some thrush. I did a click and click at the chemist the other week and I didn't even think about it.

All I got was three different types of condoms and flavoured high smile toothpaste. They checked the bag before handing it over and I suddenly thought about this weird combo and I got very, very embarrassed. What are we doing? Very, very embarrassed. I had a last minute booty call

so I raced to the supermarket and it was two minutes to close and they'd already locked the doors so I knocked and asked if I could grab two things. She said, what do you need? I said, condoms and lube. She flicked over the doors and said, aisle six. I was the only customer in the whole store at the time.

To this day, I still wonder if it was worth the embarrassment. No, that's so good. She heard you back. That's brilliant. I love this. Baby formula, fine. Wine, fine. Baby formula and wine, I feel quite judged.

We're getting formula so you can have a wine, right? Worming tablets for your kids always a little bit embarrassing. Cask wine, but it's what I buy every year for my secret Santa gift so I've just got to do it once a year. That's great. It's a box.

Moderation, of course. I'm buying a box. I only buy it for cooking. My partner gets It's great. It's a box. Moderation, of course. You're buying it in a box. Yeah, no, it just lasts for months and months. I only buy it for cooking. My partner gets embarrassed buying sugar-free V in a bottle because it seems too girly in a bottle. Yeah. What the?

What, it's more masculine to have full sugar in a can? How is that feminine? Have real sugar like a real man. Yeah. This is mortifying. So someone else was buying some personal lubricant and the checkout operator went boop and was like, is that any good?

Oh no, you don't ask questions. Was he on my like hot review on the product? Somebody else got a good luck from the checkout person when they bought a pregnancy test. Oh yeah. Good luck either way, I guess. Either way, yeah. I was embarrassing buying booze when it was COVID.

You'd line up for ages and then you'd end up buying something like 84 bottles of wine and you'd be like, I don't have a problem. I just don't know when I'm going to be back again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to have a six-week lockdown, you know. I don't want to be stuck like that. Yeah. Now, we just need to clarify, when we use the pseudonyms Matt and Mike,

someone messaged and they said they're clearly talking about Matty McLean. Why would you use the pseudonym Matt for a Matt? Matt is such a high-profile dude. That guy's never paid for lube in his life. No, he gets it free. He's actually sponsored. He's got a lube sponsor. It's certainly not him.

No. We would never use the word Matt. Yeah. Pseudonyms. Pseudonyms. Yeah, that's not their real names. The only why we picked Matt as a pseudonym is because it is such a common name.

Yes. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's Walt Disney week at Fact of the Day. Learning about the man, Walt Disney. I'm just looking up this how. I will at one stage in today's Fact of the Day talk about a property they owned that was called the Holmby Hilms Estate.

It recently, what year was this? Oh no, that was 2013. It sold for $90 million. So I'm imagining it's worth significantly more now given property prices around the world have skyrocketed in the last 11 years. Today's fact of the day about Walt Disney involves his sort of lifelong live-in housekeeper, Thelma Howard. She died 16 days shy of her 80th birthday.

She was born into poverty. She was one of five children in an Idaho family. Her mother died during childbirth to one of her younger siblings. She tried college. She had to drop out due to lack of money. She moved to LA where she did office work and cleaned houses. And she was cleaning Walt Disney's house. And he's just like, this woman is the real life Mary Poppins.

That's how he described her. And he loved her. So she moved in, a live-in job at the Holmby Hills Estate in 1951. That's the property I was referring to before that sold for $90 million in 2013. And his two children, Diane and Sharon Disney. It's just weird. Walt Disney, Sharon Disney. Sharon Disney.

Sharon Disney, yep Disney. Sharon Disney. Sharon Disney, yep. And Diane Disney. It's just so unusual that it is a last name. Yeah. So crazy. I can picture Sharon Disney there with the coaties. Oh, my God, yeah. Couple of coaties.

With a bloody dairy out the side. Sharon Disney. The housekeeper they had before Thelma Howard didn't like the children, banished them from the kitchen, but Thelma loved having the kids around, full dinner with a roast, fresh pie. Walt Disney loved her because she always kept the fridge stocked with hot dogs. Apparently he'd just get home from a long day of Disneying

and love a couple of cold hot dogs from the fridge. And every Christmas he would give her a bonus and part of the bonus included shares in the Walt Disney Company. Oh, this is good. Oh, my God. She's going to get out of poverty, isn't she? Well, she was out, she lived in. Yeah, right.

Yeah, so when she died, she had 193,000 Walt Disney shares. Oh, my God. Meaning she had, at the time of her death, 10 million US dollars in shares. Did she have family? She had a 55-year-old son from an early marriage who was in a home for the developmentally disabled. So it got split between him and a foundation that helped kids

in the same situation that she grew up in. Oh, my God. Oh, that's nice. She is an angel. What an angel. What an angel of a woman. How much did Sharon Disney get? Well, Sharon Disney's Walt Disney's,

so she probably millions, billions more. Billions more. But her personality and essence was the spark for Mary. No, no, no. Mary Poppins came out before. Oh, okay. But he said it was just like. Oh, so he created Mary.

He didn't create Mary. No, she did the movie. Yeah, there's a movie about it, right? With Emma Thompson. Yeah, and she didn't want them to be animated penguins in the Mary Poppins movie. She'd written a book. That's right. Yeah, she'd written the book that it was based on.

He wanted to turn it into a movie. Oh, my God. What a, this is a beautiful story. Beautiful story. Imagine getting shares for Christmas. You'd be like thank you Mr. Disney. And you'd be like, oh my god, these are awesome. Thanks Mr. Disney. Yeah. And then one day I don't know, is it like logging onto your KiwiSaver? Yeah. When you haven't for a while and you're either like

that's good or that's bad. Yeah. That's great or that's not great. So today's fact of the day is Walt Disney's housekeeper, when she died, had $10 million worth of Disney shares. The fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, You know, all of it was great. Like the vibes were on. Here's some highlights of the night for me. The dancers.

I was going to say the firemen. Oh my God, I saw the most like parody sexy firemen. They pulled up to the corner outside Fletcher's apartment. Yeah. This truck. And then my lovely friends alerted me to the truck. And they said, oh my God, Sproul, look. And I looked. They had the window down. And the me to the truck, and they said, oh, my God, Sprout, look. And I looked. They had the window down, and the guy in the window,

it was like a joke, like a movie. Full tattooed sleeve, tight Fireman T-shirt, truck loaded with lads, and I looked. He was so handsome. He knew what he was doing. He knew what he was doing. I accidentally dropped my handbag all over the street and had to bend over and pick it up.

And I dropped it low. Yeah. Okay? Right. And they drove off. That set the tone for the night. Then the dancers at Troye Sivan, oh my god, incredible. There was like eight of them, one woman, seven men, these bodies

were insane and they danced the whole show, hour 15, tight set, not mad, on a Monday night. Thank you, Troy. They just did the most incredible high energy dancing. And because it was so hot in there, no shirts. Why would you? Too hot for a tish.

And then, what was my other favourite highlight? I'll probably just Troy the whole time being like, oh my god, Auckland, you guys rule so hard. For a Monday night. I don't know. You know when singers and bands say that? Do you reckon they say that to every show they go to? It seemed authentic. They do. It seemed authentic.

They do, though. When you guys before were like, oh, he was like, yay, Auckland. I was like, yeah, but every band does that. Nah, it was the last night of the tour as well, so you could tell that they were just having a blast. And then here's my other personal highlight of the night. Now, I have seen many a concert at Spark Arena

or any arena or stadium around New Zealand. I've seen a lot of concerts. And what do I always have to do? Sneak into the men's lows for a wee. Because the queues to the women's toilets are ridiculous. Not at Troye Sivan. Not even just, I saw it at the mall the other week. The women were lining up at the mall.

At the airports, at malls, at concerts, at stadiums. But at Troye Sivan, I would say the audience was predominantly male homosexuals. That was going to be my question. What was the ratio of guys to girls at the crowd? There was lots of girls, but... Like three-quarters men, I'd say. We call that a sausage fest. Do we still call that a sausage fest?

No one at the sausage fest was mad about the sausage fest. Let me just say. But girlies, my girlies in the booth here, you know the pain of having to line up at events to go to the toilet. Yeah, it's the worst part of a concert. If I don't have to,

I just won't get a drink at the concert so that I don't have to pee at the concert. Or like I do, I just follow Fletcher and just go, sorry, sorry, sorry, and just dip into a cubicle. I'm so sorry about her. But when you've got to go, you've got to go. Yeah.

I mean, at the Taylor Swift concerts, they basically just made the male toilets female. I've actually experienced your pain, guys. Oh my God. What are you doing? Girls, I've experienced your pain. Childbirth? No, not, no. I've experienced your pain. No, not, no.

Period? Your uterine lining tearing off itself every month. No, not that. Oh, that's crazy. Not that, no. The glass ceiling, has it been hitting your head? Have you had a bump on the top of your head from that glass ceiling? No, it was when I took the winners to that, like years ago, that One Direction

concert in Sydney, was it the SCG or, and all the men's toilets were labelled female toilets. And they had like one or two for the guys. And it was like insane. Yeah. It's almost like you've got an appendage you could just pee against a wall. Go in a bush.

It was amazing, like I went to the toilet twice during the concert, and both times I just strolled straight into the women's empty cubicles, there was like barely anyone in there, and I came out and there wasrolled straight into the women's empty cubicles there was like barely anyone in there and I came out and there was a queue

for the men's I was like yeah take that it's your turn now guys wow anyway excellent concert well worth a bit of a tired

yeah four hours sleep vibe today great concert I'd go again for sure good no thoughts you just had enough sleep. You didn't go, Vaughan?

No, I didn't go. I probably didn't have enough sleep, but I didn't go. Aaron asked me yesterday, are the three of you going? I just burst out laughing. Why would Vaughan go? I was like, why the hell would Vaughan go? Sure, yeah, okay. Why does he go out anywhere?

God, no. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Robert Irwin turned 21 yesterday or the day before, I think. He's a solid young man, isn't he? Oh, he's just lovely. Steve would be proud. Steve would be so proud of both of them. Bindi and Robert.

Because Robert works at the bloody Australian Zoo. Yeah. And he turned 21. He said, today I turned 21. I was looking through the archives a few days ago and I found these pictures of my dad on his 21st. It could be hard to celebrate the milestones where there's someone missing, but I'll

carry his memory and passion with me in this new chapter of life. I'm one lucky guy to be surrounded by my amazing family today. Time to celebrate. And it was a cute photo of Steve on his 21st. Very kind of like 70s photo. Kind of a bit sepia toned. Beautiful. Lovely. And then I

saw a video this morning of they were unveiling at the zoo. They call it Australia Zoo, eh? Yeah, they do, yeah. Yeah, Australia Zoo. Almost kind of like a Madame Tussauds wax figurine of Steve Irwin. That's right. I saw this a few days ago.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Robert was kind of like unveiling it. And I think when they unveiled it, he was a little bit taken aback because he was like, oh, it's so, you know, since he's been a kid, he's just looked at photos of Steve. And then suddenly there's this almost kind of like hyper-realistic version of him, life-sized. That is like something that would never happen to you.

Like you lose someone. Yeah, when your parents pass away, they're not going to be a wax figure. That is so weird. Yeah, I think he was a little bit like, it was someone. Yeah, when your parents pass away, they're not going to be a wax figure. That is so weird. Yeah, I think he was a little bit like, it was emotional and lovely, but yeah, that would be very confronting. So very sad. Was it a good one? I can't remember if it was good.

Yeah, it looked great. It looked good. He's down like that, you know, kind of squatting like he, when he was talking to the camera. What a guy. Amazing guy. But he also posted yesterday to celebrate his birthday. Robert this is. Just

he sent a couple of photos from a fun shoot I did for a magazine. And everyone was like, oh yeah, we know what you look like. Far out. Yeah, dude's looking great. He's in jeans and just a white singlet. Yeah, entering his hunk era. Hunk era. Yeah. He's got like the brooding furrowed brow

that, you know know We Botox away But men can It just makes them look hotter somehow When they frown No don't raise your eyebrows Yeah that No or don't You do frown that shit

No that's not good Is that it? But everyone's like Them biceps be poppin' Well he wrestles bloody crocodiles Okay here's another one Here he is on one of those It's kind of a Bradley Cooper pose, you know, like.

Big Bradley Cooper. Like kind of relaxed on a chair with a motorcycle jacket on. It's kind of shocked people, right? Because they're like, hang on a sec. Well, we just see him. What are these weird feelings I'm having? Look, he's doing a cuff link adjust. Again, another thing a man does,

and it just make the girls crazy. Cohen's nodding. We love it when you adjust your non-existent cuff links on this denim shirt here. Right. So there he's doing the thing where he scratches the back of his head and he's just, you know, flexing a bicep.

Hot moves. Hot move. Anyway, so if you want to wrap your eyes around something today to celebrate his 21st birthday, Robert Irwin, his Instagram. That's just a little treat for you on this Tuesday morning. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners,

that you've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.