ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 3rd March, 2025

Episode Date: March 2, 2025

Ai for call centres Hayley neds help with her shaker SLP - DO you likethe new messenger logo? Most of us don't believe our partners compliments Top 6 Things police cadets will learn in Auckland The Brits wrap up Vaughan's Tractor parade Babes of the board When was I the right person wrong time Shannon lost her keys Fact of the DayWhat was the worst dinner you had growing up?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts

From the ZM Podcast Network This is Flesh, Fawn and Hayley's Big Pod Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse The biggest brands at the lowest prices Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Thank you Bryn Rudkin. Good morning. Welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Two minutes past six. Happy technically autumn. Oh yeah. Isn't it? March now. March. Officially autumn. I was like no, we're miles away because the weather where we are has been lovely.

But then I was driving down the street and there's orange trees. There's orange trees. There's orange trees in my sleeper. The feed joes are on the ground. And that means autumn? The feed joes have started hitting the ground, yeah. That means autumn.

Okay. And daylight savings, what? A few weeks away. Five. Five weeks. Five weeks. Five weeks. We're alright.

Yeah, five weeks. Or four weeks. It's the fourth, I think it's the fourth of April and it's the third of March today so. Yeah. Boo! It's okay,th I think it's the 4th of April And it's the 3rd of March today Boo It's okay but winter fashion Because I know you guys love your layering

Love our layering And you know I've got some jackets to get out ZM's Secret Sound Coming up What is our jackpot now? $25 still? No $33,000 is the jackpot I know they had a jackpot with Brian Clunt on Friday So $33,000 still? No, $33,000 is the jackpot.

I know, yeah, they had a jackpot with Brian Clunt on Friday. So, $33,000, what's that about? $33,000. Odd number. I know, just make it even. Do you know what I mean? You know what, go $35,000 or $30,000. Remember when she did $14,000 for Valentine's Day? We were like, it's going to be $15,000.

Well, all the clues that we've had, all the guesses, ZM Secret Sound on Instagram. We'll give you the next going to be 15. Well, all the clues that we've had, all the guesses, ZM Secret Sound on Instagram, will give you the next chance to call through. Thanks to Super Lookout this morning at 7 and then at 8 o'clock. Next on the show. Oh, he's emotional. How do I word this gently? AI is being used in a call centre

to make something a little less pronounced. Okay. This sounds like it's happening like a live AI, which is wild. I'll tell you what it is next. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. AI has been used for many things in this world of ours. Every week we've got a dystopian story about AI.

I used AI to summarise this article into six bullet points. Amazing. So this is AI on AI. This is AI on AI. I'm surprised that one of the bullet points is it isn't AI great. Yeah. Teleperformance is the world's largest call centre operator. Okay.

It has thousands of employees based in India. So do they outsource to other companies? Yeah, that's what they do. No, other companies outsource to them to run their call centres. So companies all around the world. Yeah. Because it's cheap, right?

Yeah. Because they work for like, I don't know, way less money than local. Yeah. They're using AI to neutralise Indian accents when Western customers call to enhance clarity during calls. In real time?

Yeah. So you could be, that is wild. This is AI software. The company that developed it is called Sanus. The AI software operates in real time. So we would be talking now, and we could be talking in very thick Indian accents, but the AI would be neutralising it

and takes out the background noise of all the other call centre workers. Call centre noise. That does this? I don't. This doesn't feel right. It feels problematic. It feels wrong. So it's a whitewashing

of someone's accent. And also kind of hiding the fact that they are running this as cheap as possible. This is what it is. They're saying it's to neutralise the accent for better understanding and clarity. It's like, no.

You know that when people get on the phone and then they receive it and they think that they're in a call centre in India that they think they're getting a subpar service. Yeah. And they go, I want to speak to someone local. I thought you were going to do an Indian accent. No, I'm being the person calling the call centre.

Do you want me to be the person in the call centre? What a wild story. So they've got 90,000 employees in India. Yeah. And they say they take calls from around the world for on behalf of the UK government, right? NHS, which is the National Health System in the UK. How about the government? Yeah.

Doesn't have a local call centre. Vodafone and eBay. And so they said there's a real problem sometimes with being able to understand the accent. Right. And so this will make communication lines clearer. There's no problem understanding the accent. This is 100%

whitewashing for appearance reasons. But also, like, could they, like, replace our voice if they were like, we kind of think we need to sexy up the voices. Yeah, God, that great New Zealand accent. And then they, I don't know, they give us all, like. Kind of, like, curl the R's and. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

In real time, that's the freaky thing. Yeah, in real time. You could be talking and they'll just be changing your voice as it comes out. And is it still your voice and it's just taking away some of the accent or are you speaking and it's coming out as a completely different voice? Because I, you know, I did a, I done a video for social media because I'm really trying to focus on my TikTok. Yep.

And I wanted to do that voice I wanted to do the Siri voice but I wanted to say what I wanted to say and they've got that on TikTok right? You can AI your voice. So it was my voice and my intonation but then it put an accent on it and I was like oh interesting.

And it kind of, you can still hear that it's me but it's, maybe only I would hear it it and I was like, oh, interesting. And it kind of, you can still hear that it's me. Right. But it's, maybe only I would hear it. And I was like, that's weird. Yeah, I don't like it.

Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. It's a no from me. If this was X Factor, they're not going to Las Vegas. It's three no's from us. It's a no from you, yeah. Play ZM's

Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. Before your ears, we have three feminists. Well, I don't know. I haven't asked the producers, Shannon and Carmen, but no, she's on the fence. Don't strike me as feminist. Yeah, no. They don't strike me as feminist.

Shannon, feminist? You're not sure? If I could stay home and not work, I probably would do it. Yeah, yeah. We've got a trad wife. Trad wife, yeah. I'd love to be a trad wife. I just suck at cooking. Yeah, you do.

And Carwen, you're on the fence feminist-wise. Yeah, like I don't know. I like that my partner cooks for me. Maybe I could just stay at home all day as well. Well, it sounds like we've got a couple of trad wives on our hands. Gen Z's are the trad wives. Well, I actually feel like I've

been living quite a staunch independent, you know, woman's life. In fact, today, oh, I won't do it today because the weather's turning crap Wednesday. I'm going to mow the lawns. Wow. Now, that's pretty. Is the weather turning crap today?

Yeah. For a couple of all up in Auckland it is. Sounds like a buddy Sheila's excuse to me, mate. Well, I'll give him a good one. Try to get out there and get it done before the rain. But I've been doing a few things. I've been in the garage. Yesterday I undid four screws. Good. Try to get out there and get a number four to write on it. But I've been doing a few things. I've been in the garage. Yesterday, I undid four screws.

Good. Good work. Thank you. And then I was looking to rewire something. I mean, I'm really like. I don't know if you should be rewiring electricals. I've just gone from zero to a thousand. I already gave it a read on.

Go. Anyone, man or woman. I think you should be a qualified electrician. I YouTubed it. I got the bits. Yesterday, I went to Mitre 10. I got a washer to do a little thing that I'm doing a couple of projects. I mean, I've been in the garage.

Lift your elbows for microphone techniques, please. Yeah, actually, there you go. Thank you. I've been barbecuing all weekend. I mean, I'm just. Good work. I don't need a man. Or do I?

I do need a man in this moment. Your man's away Aaron's away at the moment So I've been Living solo Yep And then Everything's been fine man

I even My sister-in-law Even bought me One of those jar openers So I don't need him for that You know those It's like a little Oh yeah

Wedge thing Yeah I don't like them Why They ruin the integrity Of the lid Yeah I mean They do They dent the lid They have claws on them Yeah But when I don't like them they ruin the integrity of the lid yeah I mean they do they dent the lid

but when I don't have a man I'm not strong enough to open a jar it's there but I do need one of you to help me with something and I've brought it in I cannot open my salt shaker and I'm living in a soul free house okay right

so ahead of International Women's Day... Oh, this is a posh thing. It's La Crusette. Oh, my God. I was going to say, what is this? It's La Crusette, okay. How much did that cost? Too much.

Okay. But... Is it a grinder? Yeah. It grinds the salt. Yeah, like that, like normal, but it's got no salt in it. Yeah. So, when I went to do things yesterday,

you've got to twist the knob. No matter what I do, I can't do it. And I know that Saturday is International Women's Day, but I need a man. I need a man to open my salt shaker. Okay. Well, Vaughn, I think you'd be perfect for this. So just be careful though.

I've got nothing to prove if you wanted to do it. No, I've got nothing to prove either. It feels like your masculinity has been brought into question. I was gonna give you the chance to step up. I feel like Vaughn would be the perfect- I'll go to a red hot go. Now how do you undo it? I've got greasy hands.

You're gonna undo the little knob on top. The little knob at the top isn't very, it doesn't look like it's very- There's not a lot to grab. There's not a lot to grab. I know but you're a man, do you know what I mean? Use your big calloused man hands. Wow, it feels like Vaughn isn't able to.

It feels. Have you been. No darling, you're just grinding. No, you're just grinding. So you've got to hold that bit and twist the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a dumb mate. Now he's using his t-shirt.

I'm sorry. I came here looking for a man. It hurts. Yeah. I'm mad enough to admit it hurts. Okay. When you grip a star. Did you do.

So you haven't managed to undo that. No. Gosh. You might need to. Pliers. to get a decent grip on time. It's like a crusade. I'm not putting pliers on my look when I use my teeth. No! No, you do not.

Come on, you've got a gold tooth. Don't be silly. Okay, when I see people opening beer bottles with their teeth, I just cannot. Oh, yeah, the beer bottles with the teeth makes me feel a little bit sick. You see, I'm not. Have you been able to. It's jammed.

It's jammed. Oh, no, he says it's jammed, but he can't get it off. I'm sorry. You hold that and twist it. Wow, I actually came here looking for a mask man. I mean, I've got a couple of gym boys here. Yeah, interesting. It's locked.

It's locked because you can kind of twist it back and forth. Yeah, it's locked. Is this a lack of. We're dumb. We're dumb. It's locked because you can kind of twist it back and forth. Yeah, it's locked. Is this a luck? We're dumb. We went to public school. We're not used to posh grinders. Our salt comes out of the Cerebos white thing. We twist the blue lid up into the different shaped holes.

Iodised. You love an iodised. Of course you love iodised. It's good for you to get iodine. Or just we need another man. For God's sake. More men is what the answer is. The solution to this problem. How many men does it take to undo a salt shaker? How rough am I allowed to be with your salt shaker? We need another man. Oh, for God's sake. More men is what the answer is. Yeah, I think we need more men.

How many men does it take to undo a salt shaker? How rough am I allowed to be with your salt shaker? Because that's the thing. I don't want to break your La Crusette. But if you can't get salt in, I mean, it's almost... Let me just look up the cost of you breaking this. Also, it's green. Yeah, everything about this salt shaker is Hayley.

This is Hayley's salt shaker. It really was an aesthetic purchase. It really hurt my fingers. It really hurt my fingers. The phallic nature of that salt shaker is Hayley. This is Hayley's salt shaker. It really was an aesthetic purchase. It really hurt my fingers. It really hurt my fingers. The phallic nature of that salt shaker. Well, this sucks. I reckon just leave it with me and I'm going to wiggle it all show because I feel like there's salts got into the thread is what it feels like.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This sounds like a man making excuse because he couldn't open it. Sounds like you're being a little bitch. My fingers still hurt. Yeah, I've got a couple of little beans on my hands. The grippiness of the salt. Where are the men? Where have all the good men gone?

Play. ZM. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I need a real... Ross Boss just come in nice and early. I need a real man. I can't open my salt grinder. So you've just just gotta twist the top

oh no yeah dude the top's like it's like trying to grab a 10 cent coin but the it's a bit like

room of the coins really I'm a bit arthritic you're the biggest man available to me while my partner's away and you can't even do this do you need light bulbs changed

I think it's been over time. No, I don't need light bulbs changed. I've been living a fierce independent woman life doing everything. I was rewiring something yesterday and I've been barbecuing and I'm going to mow the lawns

but the salt grinder... Maybe this isn't a twist. No, it is a twist. Yeah, I don't think it's a twist. I think you've got that wrong. If any other men walk into the building, producers,

can you keep your eyes out? I need them. Silly Little Pollers, do you like the new Messenger logo? We've gone back to the bold blue, no shading, no gradient change to purple. It's just bleh. Someone said after the change, it's like an artifact from 2016 in my home screen. Yeah. What do you reckon the business thinking is around it?

When they go, let's do a logo change. Why? You know, these big companies, they do this. Yeah, I don't know. They're like, all right, we're going to do a little refresh. Just get people talking about it. I don't know. Yeah, maybe. It's working.

Do you like the new Messenger logo? 79% of people said no. 21% of people said yes. It's just different, isn't it? You'll remember when they changed the Facebook feed. The bubbles are very blue. Very blue, man. Also, there's a bug.

There's a bug. When you go to send a photo, the send button is clear. Is that a bug? I don't know if it's a bug or a terrible decision. Because sometimes you can't even see the word send depending on the photo behind it. No, you can't. So it's just like,

how do they release that with a bug? A company this big. Yeah, a company this big. Did they test it? Zuckerberg's too busy dressing up as Benson Byrne for his wife's 40th. That was horrible.

The wisest thing I saw this weekend. He's so try hard, eh? He's so try hard and his wife's hot. I know. I mean, money talks. Money.

But like, just, yeah. Yeah. And we're just like, come on, man.. But like, just, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. And we're just like, come on, man. Back on the foil board, dude. Yeah.

With your zinc nose. Oh, God. Erin's not a fan. She said it's flat, and I have no further comment. Wait, what are the stats? Sorry, remind me. 71% of people said they didn't know. 79% of people said they didn't like it.

Okay. 21% said they did like it. No vibe. Amy said it feels very it. Okay. 21% said they did like it. They vibe. Amy said, feels very corporate. Yeah. Feels very corporate. Felicity said, it feels like I should be asking people their ASL with the MSN vibes that it's giving me. It does have an MSN.

Yeah. Old school 90s thing. Emily, bring back the tie-dye logo. It was cute AF. Yeah. Alex, too similar to my normal text app. Grr. Oh, okay.

Grr. What's the normal text app? Signal. Are they using Signal? That's blue. Is it? Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

I don't think there's any other. Pretty says, why do they keep changing things? And then the emoji face bawling its eyes out. Yeah. She's taking it hard. Amy said, I can't even remember what it was before. Has it changed? Yeah, maybe you need to update there. Tanya said it's so ugly. The ombre

colours before were sexy as now. It's like the ugly cousins come and you're like, no, bring back the good looking one. Ashley, it's the same thing they did to the Pringles man. They made it too simple and boring. We love an ombre. Why get rid of it?

And Sandra said I didn't even notice it changed. Oh, come on, Sandra. Sandra, look up. Come on, Sandra. Oh, no, don't look up, Sandra. Look down.

Look down. Get your nose back in your phone, Sandra. I think you're absorbing the vistas too much. Look with your eyes, Sandra. That's a little quote. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. You know I love my compliments. I've talked about this for a long time. If I don't get enough of them, I'll simply ask for them. If they're not given freely, I demand them. It's your love language. It's your love language. It is my love language. Words of affirmation.

And I wonder if that means that I would think differently to these study results. Okay. So there was some research about the psychology behind receiving compliments. Okay. Receiving them. From anyone or your partner? From a partner mostly, but they did touch on receiving compliments. Okay. Receiving them. From anyone or your partner? From a partner mostly, but they did touch on receiving compliments in general.

Most of which people say, 14% of people said, so not most, they feel shy receiving compliments from strangers. 15% of people said they feel embarrassed when they get complimented. Not me, not me, not me. I'm just like, this is weird. What are you doing?

I can't handle it. I'm just like. Vaughn, are you, you're kind me. I'm just like, this is weird. What are you doing? I can't handle it. I don't, I'm just like. Vaughn, are you, you're kind of. I don't like him. I don't like him. I'm fine, thanks. It's just weird, right? It's crazy because I would have thought

you got received so many compliments because you're such a beautiful boy and clever and talented. Thanks. Oh yeah, wow. He didn't like that. I just felt his anus go. No.

Nah, that's just. 50% of people said that they feel appreciated when receiving compliments. So people do like to get them, but maybe not in the way that I receive them. So bluntly. Yeah. Right. But just something like, oh, well done. Good job.

Maybe as a compliment. Well, like nice shirt or something like that. Not like I love the bone structure of your face and shoulders. Thank you. But here it is. Here's the interesting side of it is particularly women receiving compliments from men, I will say. Yeah.

One in five people feel suspicious when they receive compliments from their partner, suspecting that they are disingenuous and inauthentic, basically. Right. Four in 10 said that compliments like, you look great from a partner are inauthentic. You can't win. We can't win. No, there's no winning. There's no winning.

13% said they don't believe most compliments from their partners and 14% said they find compliments from their partners cringey. Cringey? I know. What? So a psychologist called Emma Kenny, she was like compliments out of the blue from partners often feel forced. Oh, yeah.

And that diminishes their value. But it's got to be out of the blue because if you wait for too long to say, oh, you look nice, you're only saying that because. Yeah, you're only saying that because X, Y, Z. Totally. Yeah. They say that people feel that their partners are giving a pro-social lying, they call it,

that they feel, yeah, forced and only given out of obligation. You just feel like you can't win. But I do understand this because I'll ask for my compliments and when I receive them, I wholeheartedly accept them because I've made the man think about them. But every now and then, definitely there is something behind, like Aaron will go like, you look nice today.

I'll be like, no, I look like a dog. I look like a dog. Just shut up. No, I don't. And you don't receive it when it's just out of the blue. And maybe there is, I mean, I love that they use the word suspicious, that people are suspicious of compliments. Can't win.

I know that they've been given out of sort of some kind of obligation and not a genuine reflection. But then he gives you the genuine compliment out of the blue and you don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. I know. But when I ask for them, if they're not spot on, I don't like it either. Do you know what I mean?

If I say, can you give me, I'm feeling like I need some compliments and he'll say, he'll say something like, you're very lovely. I was like, that's not a compliment. That's actually how you receive me. That's more about you than it is about me. You need to get more specific. You're a living nightmare. Play ZM's Fletch,

Vaughn and Hayley. From the Notes app on Vaughn's laptop, this is the Top 6. Hello there. Police Commissioner Richard Chambers said an extra training facility alongside the police college in Porirua was a step towards delivering

on the target of 500 extra police officers on the front lines. Okay. Apparently, people being away from home for 20 weeks has been a deterrent for many people wanting to join the police who have to go to Porirua. It's the only place in New Zealand that has done training. Yes. Ever. It's a bit of a legendary spot.

The cutest little cabins that you live in there. Yeah, they're real fun. Real retro. I was in one of the cabins when I played a hostage victim on the phone. So you were being held hostage. Yeah, with my friend who was an actor as well. And he was holding me hostage. We ordered a pizza.

It was so much fun. But they put us in one of the lodgings that they have on campus. And then they stormed in and shot your friend in the head. No, they shot her. Yeah. And then they were like, oh my God, wrong one, wrong one. Wrong one, wrong one.

Right, okay. It was too late. And they failed. And they failed. Yeah, they failed police college because they shot her with a live round. Well, with a police college

being placed in Auckland, I've got the top six changes we'll see to the police when they train in Auckland. Okay. Number six. They'll all drink bloody lattes. Am I right, Aucklanders?

Bloody lattes. We love lattes. Aucklanders and their lattes. Lattita. I guess so. Too good for a Greg's Red Ribbon. Too good for a Greg's Red Ribbon. You think you're too good for a Greg's Red Ribbon.

Yeah, the Pottydore campers there, they've got bags of Greg's Red Ribbon. Of course,'re too good for a Greg's Red Ribbon. Yeah, the Potty Door Campus, they've got bags of Greg's Red Ribbon. Of course, they're keeping it real down there. Number five on the list of the top six changes you'll see when the police train in Auckland. They'll be doing a few weeks training on bloody TikTok dancers, won't they? Bloody hell. Aucklanders, put your phone down and do some hard work. I mean, the cops do love their TikTok dances. They do.

The New Zealand Police. It's been a while since we've had a New Zealand police TikTok dance, hasn't it? It actually has. Lazy. There'll be a live stream there. Police chases. Hey, guys. Thanks for joining me.

I'm just running on a perp. Just waiting for more people to join. Yeah. And lights and sirens. Let's chase this guy. Oh, my God. Barry's about to put down the road spikes. Everybody watch this.

It's going to be crazy. Hi, Sandra. Thanks for the hearts. Thanks for the prezies. Hi, thanks. Guys, great. I'm actually seeing some hate in the comments. Something about defunding the police.

First of all, how dare you? And you won't be wanting us to be defunded when we have to come around to your house because you got burglarized. Number four on the list of the top six changes we'll see when the police train in Auckland. Oh, the bloody police dogs will probably be chihuahuas from now on.

Bloody Aucklanders, am I right? Bloody Aucklanders will be chihuahuas. It's just also the top six comments you get as an Aucklander attending a South Island event. Pretty much. Number three on the list of the top six changes we'll see when the police train in Auckland. The bloody police cars will all be Audis.

Won't they, bloody Aucklanders? Must be nice. Must be nice driving around in an Audi. Well, they're all in skodas now, aren't they? You're a man. Yeah, skodas. Skodas. You can tell because they've got 90 aerials on them.

Yes. Oh, wow, really undercover. They're an undercover skoda. can tell because they've got 90 aerials on them. Yes. Oh, wow. Really undercover. An undercover Schroeder. No one else even drives Schroeders apart from the police. Number two on the list of the top six changes we'll see when the police train in Auckland. Oh, the bloody police siren will be quiet. The lights will probably be pink. Bloody Aucklanders, am I right?

Oh, the sirens are too loud. It upsets me. I'm overstimulated. We're soft. Oh, if the lights could be less bright and maybe pink. Bloody Aucklanders, am I right? And number one on the list of the top six changes we'll see when the police start training in Auckland.

Bloody police uniform. Would it probably be Karen Walker? Oh, nice. Aucklanders all up there in their fashion labels with their Hallensteins. Oh, yeah, we've got our Hallensteins. Shopping at Farmer's, even though they're not farmers. The bloody townies. That's today's Top Socks.

It's also Oscars Day, right? Because it's Sunday in Marik America, Monday today in New Zealand. It's Oscars Day. I love awards season. I love the fashion more than anything and the speeches. Yeah. But we cannot look past the fact that it was the Brits yesterday. Maybe a slightly smaller award than the Grammys and all that.

Yep. But it was a pretty good day for Charli XCX. She has come in as the second most awarded artist in one night in the history of the ceremony. Yep. But it was a pretty good day for Charli XCX. She has come in as the second most awarded artist in one night in the history of the ceremony. Wow. Last night. She won... Who was the first most?

That was last year. It was Ray. I don't think you need to say first most. First most. I think you just say most. No, second most and first most. She's the second most and so Ray is the most. Who was the first top most?

No, not the first top most. Just most. First top most was Ray last year, won six in one night. Wow. And then Charlie XCX won five last night for Album of the Year Brat, Song of the Year for Guess

with Billie Eilish. I want to guess. Da-da-ba-da-ba-da-da-ba. But she comes in ahead of Adele, Blur and Harry Styles who have all won four in a single ever. I was going to say like, I was like,

surely Adele's up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's only won four. She's third most. She's the third top most. Third top most. So big evening for Charlie XCX. Well done.

I know she listens. Yeah. Sure. Best international song went to Good Luck Babe from Chaplin. Chaplin. And Taylor Swift and Beyonce

got international artist of the year because of the Brits. Yep. But then everyone was like, what are they going to do to honour Liam Payne? Now, I looked up Brit Awards tribute Liam Payne. Yeah. And I think the internet has politely been calling it

an emotional tribute, a moving tribute. Here's a little clip from it. I'm in love with you And all your little things tribute uh here's a little clip from it i hope uh me singing today brings some people some enjoyment somewhere i just want to say a massive thank you i've been able to travel the world with four of my best friends thank you so so much so you know how they do an immemorandum? In memoriam. In memoriam.

In memoriam. Yep. Liam had his own whole separate bit. You know, so they did an immemoriam versus the plebs. So it wasn't a montage of everyone. No, no, they did that. And then Jack Whitehall, who was hosting it, did this sort of whole separate bit.

But I watched it. It was odd. It was off and sort of whole separate bit. But I watched it. It was odd. It was off and kind of cold and weird. And Jack Whitehall's eyes glazed over as he read the teleprompter. It, to me, felt lacklustre. Oh, okay. It did. And then everyone was like, why aren't the boys performing?

Why didn't the rest of the One Direction boys get up there and be like, Hayley. Something beautiful. Something about Hayley. Everyone was like, why aren't the boys performing? Why didn't the rest of the One Direction boys get up there and be like, Hey Liam. Something beautiful. Something about Hey Liam. Miss your brother. She said, Hey Liam. Oh, I thought you said, Hey Liam. I was like, that would be quiet.

That would be. How's your radio show in New Zealand? But no, they didn't actually go. Any of them, none of them turned up, did they? No, they didn't go. Yeah. They didn't even go. No, I think it was just like, it's too much.

Yeah, all eyes that have been on them. All eyes on them. And actually, to be fair, they would have taken away from the whole night, really. Yeah, I think so too. And they had already said outright that they wouldn't be performing at the Brits in this tribute. And so I think being there, it's kind of like,

well, what are you doing? Do you know what I mean? You're not nominated for anything. Just stay home, boys. Somebody said Harry was running the Tokyo Marathon yesterday. What was his time? Do you reckon he's going to go on and on

and on about it? I love when celebrities do a marathon and they didn't go as fast as me. I've got to say, it always feels really good. Barack Obama. No, who cheated? Was it Katie Holmes? She jumped in a cab. Someone jumped in a cab.

Who jumped in a cab? Three hours, 24. That's good time. Wow. That is really fast. All flat, though. Tokyo is all flat. Are we taking it away?

Are we saying it's no hills? He did it faster because Auckland's quite a hilly marathon. Just saying it's no Auckland marathon. There's hills. Listen to you, New Zealanders. Oh, yeah. You're a. There's hills. Listen to New Zealanders. Oh, yeah. You're a bit flat. Tall poppy, eh?

Yeah. Three hours 24 is bloody good. Yeah, it is. Three hours 24 is... What was your marathon time? Ten minutes faster than what I did it in. Okay. Three hours 34.

That's still good. But again, hills. You had hills. So many hills. So many hills. Yeah. Thank you. Bruh, I didn't know you were a sub four bruh.

I'm a sub four bruh. Bruh, I didn't know you were a sub-4 bruh. I'm a sub-4 bruh. Bruh, I had... This is news to me. I'm standing in the presence of a sub-4 bruh. Bruh. Bruh. Pleasure to be here. Quarter past seven.

Next on the show, some big news. Hold on. Whoa. Conflict. Somebody else said he did it in three hours 30. Oh. I've got three hours 24 and seven seconds. Well, it's Harry running the Tokyo Marathon in 3 hours 37

Wait a minute I'm faster than Harry Styles 3 hours 37 is the fact With no hills I had no hills There's multiple sources online Saying he ran it in 3 hours 24 and 7 Okay

Because he maybe crossed the finish line At 3 hours 37 but was slow off the mark Because of the congestion Well yeah because it's When you cross the line The tag goes off Oh yeah Somebody looked it up

Three hours 24 Okay So he is This is middle name Edward Odd Odd Odd Eddie

All right Eddie Eddie Styles Eddie Styles Would have almost been a thing I don't like that at all play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley I have been

an honour has been bestowed upon me I have been requested personally personally and professionally okay to play a very

important role in this year's QMU show okay that is this weekend if you're around about West West Auckland, the Cumbia Show is one of my favourite weekends of the year.

Oh my God, I'm going to bring my mum and dad. Yeah, they'll love it. Dad will love it. Your dad will love it. What happens at these things? Tractors. Oh my God, no, they're so fun. There's a whole fairground.

Okay. With really good rides. Rides, okay. So there's rides. Food, stalls. So it's an A&P show. It's like an A&P show. Okay, yeah, right. I just inhaled because I got excited about the axe chopping.

The chopping. The wood cutting. The hot guy is chopping wood. There'll be wood cutting. There'll be the axes and the chainsaws and all sorts. Okay. It was a personal highlight last year. And there's animals. There's little fluffy animals. Some of them are there for like show because they do the competition.

And then some of them are there just for pets. Right. The herding. They do a little bit of herding. Sheep dogs. Sheep dogs. Yeah. Chops.

Right. It's really a great day. Well, I received a message. It's on the whole weekend. Okay. Right. This weekend. Yep.

Did I reiterate this weekend? You did. Yeah. Yeah. Kimmy show grounds. Right. Are there cocktails? The queue is the queue. Are there cocktails? There's a bar. There is a bar. Yeah. Did I reiterate this weekend? You did, yeah, yeah. At the Kimi Show grounds. Right. Are there cocktails? The queue is the queue.

Are there cocktails? There's a bar. There is a bar, yeah. There's a bar and there's often a band playing at the bar and you sit outside in this little sunny spot. Right. You'll absolutely love it. And then they share sheep on the stage not too far from the bar.

I don't know about that. You can kind of catch a bit of that. Maybe smell the lanolin. I don't want lanolin on a whirl in my cocktail. Have a cider while you watch some lanolin. So I've been asked if I would drive a tractor in the tractor parade. Oh, what? There is a tractor parade?

There's a vintage Santa vintage tractor parade. Right. 2 p.m. birthdays. Right. I've been requested by name. Wait, are you doing both days? I think so, yeah. Oh, what?

Well done. Saturday and Sunday. Thank you very much. Right. 2 p.m. Thank you. A little bit later in the afternoon. Do they obviously need people?

Well, they've obviously got an abundance of tractors. Yeah, they're struggling to fill numbers. They've got too many tractors and not enough drivers. Not enough farmers. Yeah. So, I mean, would you call yourself a farmer? I would, yeah. A farmer-letter.

A farmer-letter. You're a farmer-letter. Yeah. Yeah. A farmer-letter. A farmer's son. Yeah. The son of a farmer. The son of a farm-a-letter. Yeah. Yeah. A farm-a-letter. A farmer's son. Yeah. The son of a farmer.

The son of a farmer. But that doesn't make you a farmer. But that doesn't make you a farmer. You're a bit of a dip in the line. Yeah. Yeah. Like, farmer, farmer. But, you know, if you would say that you're English because your father is English,

so by proxy I can say I'm a farmer because my father's a farmer. No, that's not the same,ughan. I come from a long line of farmers. Whoever says I come from a long line of Englishmen. Most people. You're probably more closer to farmers a department store than farmers.

Oh, we do love a farmer. He loves a red dog. I love a red dog. Yeah, but you're more of a city slicker than you are a farmer. I'm not a city slicker than you are a farmer. I'm not a city slicker. Are you city slicker cusp? Yeah, sure. So do you know which tractor you're going to be driving?

No, I don't. But you know, I also run an ambassadorship for John Deere. Well, it better be John Deere. I've just put in a request, a personal request for John Deere. Good. Because otherwise no paps, no photos. Yeah, no photos. Leave me out of it.

We'll put a sticker over the logo. I'll go right early with a green spray paint and paint this tractor. otherwise no paps, no photos. Yeah, no photos. Leave me out of it. We'll put a sticker over the logo. I'll go right early with a green spray paint and paint this tractor. I'm sure the person who owns it won't mind at all. If I come with my mother, I'm going to bring my mother and father. They're up staying with me this weekend.

Well, I've got tickets for you. This is the thing now. Oh, thank you. Because Patsy and Craig simply won't pay. They simply won't pay. Yeah. To go to a farming shop They're retired

Every outgoing has to be accounted for Exactly They don't have to be a coin to be willy nillying How much of a pain in the ass is hearing that from your parents When you know that they've You know they're sitting on a Mortgage free house We've got to be careful with our money

You're getting money from the government every week. Now, do you think it would be cute if Patsy Craig and I made a little sign? Go Vaughan or something like that. That would be great. For the parade? I think I'm really proud of you, mate. I know this is a big thing for you. It's a big day for me.

We've all got big achievements, you know? Huge things. And this is a really big moment for you. Are the kids going to come and watch? Oh, yeah, they will have to. I'll make sure. Okay.

They may actually get them onto making a sign too. That's my dad. That's my dad on the vintage tractor. That's my dad. Beep, beep, beep. Oh, maybe I'll make the sign actually. Does it have a horn?

Oh, I don't know. How good would it be if it had a ooga, ooga? Like, I'm talking old. I might, I might come only if there's a ooga. Oh, well I'll check.

Do you want to come, Fletch? Only if there's an ooga. Okay, can you check if there's an ooga? I come Only if there's a ooga I'll check Do you want to come Fletch you want to Only if there's an ooga Okay can you check If there's an ooga I'll choose If there's an ooga Long lines and traffic

And it sounds like hard work It's quite a hot day as well It's hot yeah I don't think you'll like it And you weren't sure And you weren't sure About the cocktails I don't know if it's my thing

I don't know if there's Cocktails I think it's a beer garden Yeah right I think Yeah I mean you'll have a brew or two Not for you I think it's a beer garden. Yeah, right. I think. I mean, you'll have a brew or two.

Not for you. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Fletchborn and Hayley's Babes of the Board. Well, Babes of the Board, this all started when I played a game of the modern Guess Who? And I was like, these people are all attractive. Yeah. They've made all of the characters sexy and appealing. We started chatting about the sexiest board game characters

and not all of them being human, energetically sexy. Yeah. Thus, Babes of the Board were born. Now, I voiced my opinion on social media yesterday for those that saw. And it's been ignored. I'm really upset. Yeah, some big upsets.

Let's go through all of the rounds. I will say as well that we have a chance for you to win when our polls go up. Through the duration of Babes of the Board, we've got a chance, just by voting on our Instagram stories, thanks to Mighty Ape, to win a huge board game prize pack. And you can swing by Mighty Ape to win a huge board game prize pack. And you can swing

by Mighty Ape for the best board games to make Game Night epic. Buy it today. Get it today with Jungle Express T's and C's. Apply. That is the wildest thing about Mighty Ape. I've ordered things and you get home and it's there. Babes of the Board, Professor Plum took on the Bishop. The Bishop, not

Brian Tamaki. Chess. The piece from chess. The guy that can move diagonally. Yeah. I like that it moves diagonally. You just like it because it's phallic as well. Yeah, phallic and memorable.

And titty. And titty on the top. Phallus on the bottom, titty on top. Titty on top. Hello. Hello. Well, Professor Plum romped times.

How? 79% of people. They made, we've gone Well, Professor Plum romped times. How? 79% of people. But we've gone with sexy Professor Plum because they've made all the Cluedo characters sexy as well. Elder emo. Elder emo. I get it. Yeah.

Bill, from the original Guess Who, egghead, burst capillaries in the cheek. Ginger goatee. Ginger goatee. Little pursed lips. Burst capillaries. Rosy cheeks. Little pursed lips and Burst capillaries. Rosy cheeks. Little pursed lips and some burst capillaries.

That's what I want in my man. Does your character have burst capillaries? I've never asked that. That's so good. We asked, who do you find sexier? Bill from the original Guess Who or the black pickup stick? The rarest of the pickup stick. The flicker.

Yeah. Controversial round, this one. Black pickup stick beats Bill. See, I think we call it what it is. It's fat shaming. The black pick-up stick, that's unrealistic body standards. No one should be that son. I want to call that.

You know, that's heroin chic right there. Well, Bill's out. Bill's out. How do you find sexier out of the yellow checker from Connect 4 or the Monopoly man romps home 75% of the votes? But energetically. I mean, I just think... The yellow checker does so much.

I go red checker for Connect Four. That's so obvious. He's so common with his white chocolate and his red checker. Operation Patient versus Hungry Hippo. I thought Operation Patient was going to have a go because for most of us, it was the first male we saw fully naked. Yeah, our pillow princess. Well, Hungry Hungry Hippo, 74% going through to the next round.

It was the blue plastic hippo, wasn't it? The blue sexy ball gobbler himself. A real badonkadonk on the back. Yeah, big jumper, big, big jumper. Our curvy representative. Yeah, I don't remember the operation guy being so pear-shaped as a child, but, you know, it was a different time. Yeah.

Colonel Mustard took on the mousetrap basket, and I was like, there's nothing sexier than the mousetrap basket. The way that it kind of... Got you. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then it's got you. What? 37% of people voted for the mousetrap basket.

Colonel Mustard threw to the next round. But again, they've made Colonel Mustard sexy. Yeah. He's a hot daddy. Zaddy. Zaddy. Get out of jail. Free card.

It's a bad boy breaking out of Prius or Miss Scarlet from Cluedo. Miss Scarlet. That's true. I think people really can't use their imagination to find anything that's not a human sex. Just us. Just us then. Well, the next round was Barrel of Monkeys versus Pass the Pigs. Now, Pass the Pigs was what I got behind

yesterday. Sexy. Kinky. Kamosutra. There's two of them. If you can get them to roll it where it looks like the pigs are doing it, that was so many points. That was so many points, yeah. There's literally nothing that those pigs won't try. Yeah. At least once. And monkeys win with 68 almost.

So nice. Almost nice. Almost nice. Almost nice. It would have been better if the pigs had won by 69. Yeah. That would have been fantastic. But the monkeys win and go through to the next round and pass the pigs is out.

Maria from Guess Who, the only sexy person from the original Guess Who line up in our house, dead mingers. Especially Bill. With the beret, went up against the Uno wildcard, and you know if you've got that Uno wildcard, you're going to win. It's hot energy. And our queer representative. Totally. Well, actually,

that's me actually putting, I don't know about the others, how they represent. Maria wins 58%. That was close. Over the Uno wildcard. So who are we getting behind now? We've got Scarlet's left, the black pick-up stick, the Monopoly guy, Maria, the blue hippo,

Professor Plum, Colonel Mustard and the monkeys. I'm going hippo. I was going to go hippo, but if you're going Hippo, I might go Monkees. Because I've had to change because there's a mousetrap basket through and through. Can we do that thing that reality shows do where we bring back Bill in one of the later rounds? Because actually he deserves it. Like a wild card. Like a wild card Bill.

Just chuck him in there against... He's never going to be excited. Dude, this is our game. We can do whatever we damn want. Well, our next rounds will go up for voting on our Instagram page, FVHZM. Today. Today, so vote for your favourite babe of the board.

And don't forget, just by voting, your chance to win with Mighty Ape as well, that amazing board games pack. Yes. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley I've read this great article On one of my new favourite websites It's called theeverygirl.com

It's just like great articles for women Like in their late 20s, early 30s It's good fun, I like it And it's about the concept of I'm going to get in there and ruin it What are you going to do? I'm going to get in there and ruin it. What are you going to do? I'm going to get in there and ruin it. No, it's great. I'm going to get in there

and man it up with my muddy boots. Oh, don't put your muddy boots on our website. So, this article is all about the right person, wrong time idea. You know, the one that got away or what could have been. And it actually kind of broke down the concept and was like,

I don't think it's real because basically if you're asking yourself if it was just the wrong time, it was most likely the wrong person because- If it was the right person, you'd make it the right time. If it was the right person, you'd make it the right time. Hi, I'm Vaughan Smith and I write for the every girl. But this is a perspective I haven't read before

about going opposing timelines, which is when they go, oh, it's the wrong time, actually reveals something much deeper than just, oh, we just missed each other. It's about complete incompatibility. Yeah. And where your lives are heading in different directions. Also talked about the difference between compromise and sacrifice and how much, as you say, Vaughan, the writer of theeverygirl.com.

That's me. How much are you willing to change for someone or like sacrifice for them? Great article. But then I was like, I know a lot of people that do talk about the right person at the wrong time. The one that got away. The one that got away. Like what didn't align for them,

even though they were in love or it was meant to be. Okay, so say you meet someone and you're like, you've just started in your career and they want to go travelling. It doesn't work out because they want to go travelling and you want to stay for your career.

Right person, wrong time. But then your article's saying that that means they're not the right person for you. Yeah, because they're going... But they could be. It's just... They're going... Like, that's not a compatibility. I mean, it is

but it isn't, you know what I mean? Yeah, like personality-wise, very compatible but in terms of if you're going to build a life with someone, maybe that's just not going to work. It's just bad timing. But then it comes down to the next question of sacrifice and compromise. Are you going to sacrifice or compromise your career or your

travel aspirations for this love? Yeah. Anyway, this is... I wanted to, because I know, someone already texting in. I know that I have friends that have. Do you think someone picked up that we wanted to take calls on this already? That's crazy. How very intuitive. Do you think it's my friend Sophie who loves the phone?

Loves the phone and topics. Who just loves the phone and topics. She loves phone and topics. Well, we do want to get some messages and texts. Messages and texts are the same thing. Messages and calls. Yep. About have you been in the situation of the right person at the wrong time?

And did it work out eventually? Yeah. Or did it not? And you still think about them? Stories about the one that got away. And also, did you prove this article wrong and then get back? Yeah. Get with him eventually? I've talked about this before when I was, when I went to London and I was in love

with a boy and he stayed in London and I came home and when he eventually ended up moving back to New Zealand where there was a moment that we were like, huh what would have happened? Right, but you would. I was with Aaron so that was it. Okay, yeah. Yeah, and he was quite a small man so he wasn't going to take Aaron

on to win me. So that was sort of the end of that. Is that how you win your hand? Physical combat? That's the only way. Right. I would have turned up with a tank. Aaron versus a tank the tank wins. But no one's turned up with a tank. One man versus a tank.

I think a man stands a good chance against a tank. How? Well tanks stands a good chance against a tank. How? Well, tanks are slow moving and they just run. Yeah, they could even give some explosives and put it on the tracks and then the tracks come off and then they're a man without a tank. But no one's offered to do that for me, Vaughan, for my valour and for my heart. No one's actually offered, so I'm still fair. I'd blow tracks off a tank for you,

but only because I've always wanted to blow tracks off a tank. Not because I want to be with you. He doesn't want to end up with you. He doesn't want to end up with you. But I am willing to throw... He just wants to take on a tank. I want to throw a grenade into a tank track. Is that too much to ask? No. Is it too much to ask? We want those stories about the one that got away.

0800 dials at him as our number. Text through 9696. Did you have a right person at the wrong time? This is amazing. We get so many stories in of when it was the right person but the wrong time, which apparently it shouldn't work. It's just the wrong person. It's just the wrong person, but a lot of these messages proving that that's not exactly true.

Oh, my gosh. I know. They're deep. Yeah. Someone just messaged in, I'm currently in love with a younger man with young kids. Do I sacrifice my lifestyle? That's a fun and topic for a different day.

Oh my God. That's a fun and topic for a different day. So they're in love with a younger person with young kids. So then you've got to go. I'm in love with a younger man with young kids. Oh yeah. Do I sacrifice? I don't know.

Let's deal with that another time. You can't just go on holiday away for the weekend. Can you what? Wait, what? You can't. Nah. That's just my personal take. Yeah. So

many of these. I was with someone for four years before she moved to New Zealand through her parents visa. I wasn't able to move. So I went for two more years long distance. We broke up. Distraught. I brought a plane ticket the next day to Dubai from South Africa. Got there.

Found out they labelled me a suspicious visitor so I got sent home to South Africa. Got there. Found out they labelled me a suspicious visitor, so I got sent home to South Africa. Horrible time a year later and enough industry skills to move to New Zealand on a skilled visa. Got here. She'd fallen pregnant with someone else. We both still agree we're meant to be together, but we're both married to different people.

Wild. My friend introduced me to her brother via Snapchat as we were both recently single, living the mining life in Australia. It didn't work out. He was too nice. Fast forward three years later and we reconnected in a bar back in New Zealand. Within six months, I was moving myself into his house back in New Zealand. He had a bush buck jacket

and red bands waiting for me. I couldn't be happier. Also, some have messaged, does that mean Hayley's incompatible with Jason Momoa? No, that's not what we're saying. That's a wrong time situation. That's, yeah. I lived in America for a few years and fell in love with a woman.

Then COVID happened. I moved home to support my family after an unexpected passing. Lockdowns, financial hardships. Here meant I couldn't go back. I still chat with the one that got away. She's a young mum now and happy and that's, I guess, all I can ever ask for.

Someone's going through this right now. What if you were both studying in different countries when you were young, then you've married someone else and randomly get back in touch with that person just when you're both struggling, but you can't move there and they can't move here because of children. Wow. Sorry that's on your hands at the moment. I emigrated in 2019.

In 2018, I started building an extremely close bond to this guy And we confessed our feelings to each other And would hang out whenever we could But didn't explore an official relationship Because we knew I was going to be moving He's engaged to a beautiful girl And I'm in a happy relationship We've just decided to stop talking to each other

Because it's too much Too much When's Secret Sound? Next Now That's what somebody messaged Now Too much. Yeah, wow. Too much. When's Secret Sound? Next. Now. That's what somebody misses. Now. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sabrina Carpenter, shut up. Wait. Everything just went crazy at Fletch's desk. Shannon just said, he's killed someone. And I was like, we were all just like, what is happening? It was a lot. It was 10 seconds.

Okay, it's 12 past 8. We have fixed the phone system as well. For those that were listening previously, there was a fatal error. We got told it was a fatal error. We rebooted the system. Now we've learned someone's killed someone. It's just a lot. We're good to get the show back on the road.

Okay. Well, let me just quickly tell you a little story about, you know, I've had my surgery to remove my bartholin cyst from my vagina. And on Friday afternoon, I had a checkup just with the gyno to make sure everything was looking fine. And I mentioned, maybe on the podcast in particular, that my gynecologist is very encouraging of us getting to know our bodies more.

So when she, I'm in the stirrups, floodlights, not floodlights, what are they called? Fluorescent lights. What, like? Oh, there's your shirt, all right, spread them, and then you have. What, like it's a night rugby game and it turned on all the floodlights.

What a hate coming on that moths everywhere. Anyway. Slamming into her. She puts on the floodlights and was just talking me through like what she was looking for and stuff. And she was like, do you want to have a look? Because on the little binoculary things that she looks into me with, there's a camera.

Wait, they have binoculars? Like little goggle things. To see if it's a real diamond. Like a microscope, basically. She shuts her eye on it and she's like looking at the vagina. She's like, hmm. Cubic zirconia. Could be a cubic zirconia.

I'd definitely scream cubic zirconia. But it's got a camera on it and she can feed it onto a TV screen? Oh, no, no thanks. Dude. I don't know. If that was me, I wouldn't want to see that. Would you want to see that? If I... I'm fascinated

in seeing angles I've never seen. 42 inch? Or bigger? No, like a small screen. Like a monitor. I thought you meant the vagina. Surely not. 42 inch. No, but the Zoom was... I would say my whole... my entire, sorry, wrong choice of words. My entire area was like bigger than my head.

That's how much it zoomed in. So I'm really getting a good look. Right. And it's all on the screen. On the screen. And I was like, why not? The more you know about yourself, the better. And I'm interested to see the stitches and stuff and what it's actually

all looking like. So she's got a little swab, the same that you would have with a pap smear and she's using that to get in there Like it's a presentation at a corporate retreat and it's a pointer To sort of pry it open and show

me the stitches and that kind of stuff Right. And I was like, this is very liberating. I'm learning. I'm really seeing it. You know, the procedure went well. It all looks good. The one thing I could not ignore. Now you have to remember this is completely zoomed in.

Yeah. One of my hairs from my head was caught up down there. What? And all I could see on this zoomed up very intimate projection

of my intimate space was like this dark brown head hair laced across it, kind of. You know, like it's fallen out of my head and it's sort of fallen into my bits and bobs and it just was like floating around the whole time and then we just danced to it which didn't she didn't mention it right she didn't move it it was big on the screen it was

huge could you feel it no i was gonna say the minute i saw it i'd in my head be able to feel it so i'd probably have to reach down and just be like, excuse me. Yeah, I know, but then I was like, do I reach down and go, oh my gosh, one of my hairs has fallen out. It was very obvious. And then it's not really her place to get the pointer. To grab it. She's there for gynecological reasons. She doesn't care what it looks like.

But it was like this zoomed up hair. I was mortified. I was like, I could have given that a bit of a wipe before we got down there to go and move that situation. But imagine if it was like that time that somebody saw a hair on your face and went to, like,

pull it and plucked it. Imagine if you went down and you were like, excuse me, I'll just get that out of the way, and you were like, yoink. And it was just, what is this? That's mighty long, isn't it? Attached! Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley, Shannon's guardians, we call ourselves.

Because, God, she gets herself in some situations. Now, you told us about this over the weekend. It was a simple sentence dropped into the group chat. Tell us about it. I realised that a week and a half ago I threw out my car keys. Threw out as in? They're gone. Oh, like the dumpster gets cleared most days at the apartment building.

She's not talking about her military uniform, not her car keys. No, she's throwing out her car's keys. Yeah, so I was getting ready. I was on the yacht, darling, over the weekend. Darling. And I was getting ready and I went, oh. The yacht party. Yes.

The famous yacht party. Just to clarify, when she says, I was on the yacht, not her yacht. A yacht. A yacht. People are like, why does she live in a 10-metre square apartment but has a yacht? I have priorities. Yeah, I was going to say. She's picked her.

Yeah. So I was getting ready and I thought, oh, I've got eyelash glue in my car. I'm going to go get it. And then I went to grab my car keys and I was like, oh, they're gone. Because you don't drive your car that often, eh? No, so I haven't driven it in a week and a half. And so I was like, first thought, is my car still there? So I go downstairs and it's there and it's locked.

So that's good. That's good. And then I thought about it. And the last time I drove, I remember I went food shopping and it was heavy and so I remember being like lock car, put them in the shopping bag but I also use my shopping bags as rubbish bags and I'm like 100%

sure I threw them out a week and a half ago and I had no idea So at the moment your car keys are like deep in an Auckland landfill somewhere. Yeah and my car's locked but last time I drove it the battery wouldn't work and like deep in an Auckland landfill somewhere. Yeah. Okay. And my car's locked. But last time I drove it, the battery wouldn't work and the engine light's been on for like two years. So my leading theory is, you know how cats go away to die?

Yep. I think my car's done that. I think it's like, please stop. Your car's not done anything yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your car's like, man, it'd be nice to be driven once in a while. Stop using me. Yeah.

So now I don't know what to do because- Wait, are your any other keys on the car keys? No, just that. Okay. Thank God. But obviously you've got a spare set because that's what you do as an adult. You have a spare set of keys so that if you do lose the main keys- Then you can always get in.

Because when I bought the car, it didn't lock. Right. So I only had one set of keys. And then I got the car to learn to lock. Well, like I fixed it. To learn to lock. So I got the car to learn to lock. Well, like I fixed it. To learn to lock. So you taught the car to lock. Yeah.

Oh my God. And then, yeah. I don't know what to do. Because when you mentioned it's expensive if you don't have a key to cut, right? Well, yeah, because they've got to come to you and cut it and there's a whole rigmarole. And it can't be towed. And I will remind you at this stage, she drives a Volkswagen. Oh. Despite being told not to. Oh, European remind you at this stage, she drives a Volkswagen. Despite being towed on two.

Oh, European. You're an idiot. Well, you're already European. European, you're a fool. European, your money away. Yeah. I went to see my family yesterday, which cost me $50 to Uber to East Auckland. Oh, my God.

And then I assumed back. I would have just said, come, come. No, but then I told my parents, I told my mum first because I was like, she'll be okay with it. I told my dad, I think it's actually the first time I've properly disappointed him.

Yeah. Are you serious? The first time? No, like I've made some questionable decisions. Like, you know, like I've not been the greatest, but it was the first time where he was like, I've made a mistake. And the mistake is Shannon.

Wow. I've made a human mistake. But I think, I've agreed, I don't want the car anymore. We can't just sort of leave it. Well, that's my plan. Well, you can't just leave it in your car park because you're going to have to replace it with a new car. Well, I just don't need a car, I think.

So you're going to Uber to see your parents every week. By the time you have a year of visiting your parents, you could have just bought a new car. Well, I just don't need a car, I think. So you're going to Uber to see your parents every week? Yeah. By the time you have a year of visiting your parents, you could have just bought a new car. Yeah, I mean, if someone wants to help me out, 9697. Oh, there it is. Wow, there it is. There it is. Wow.

I don't know what you do, like do you have to go to like Someone said they had to get a new key recently done for their, I believe it's pronounced Peugeot. Peugeot. Oh, yeah. Peugeot. $600.

See, the car's not worth $600. Do you have an AA membership? Yeah. Nah, because they'll get you into the car, but they're not going to sort you out a new key. Yeah, I want to get the car to a scrapyard and I want to get $20. Is anyone else shocked that Shannon, of all people, has an AA membership?

My mum sorted it when I was younger. Oh, right. It's crazy. It's really responsible. No. Well, yeah. So now I just don't know what to do because it's stuck. I really don't know how to help you with this one.

Yeah, I don't know what to do either. There's no way without spending. Someone just said they'll buy it for 300 bucks. Yeah, you have to come get it though. They haven't seen it. They haven't seen it. They haven't seen it. They haven't seen it and there's no car key for it. Have you thought about listing that on Trade Me?

It's stuck in a car park and there's no car key. Any offer. And the battery doesn't work and the engine light. And it did flood quite recently. Do you have insurance? Yeah. So if someone wants to steal it. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No insurance giving you a key cap. We're not trying to help steal it. No, no, no, no, no. No insurance can give you a key cap. We're not trying to help you fraud. If you have comprehensive insurance, keys and locks are usually covered with no excess on the first client. I don't have good insurance. I have like cheap insurance. Can you send Fletch and Vaughn your policy, please,

and get the boys to look over it? See, we need men again on International Women's Week. Here we are needing men again. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's fart week here at Fact of the Day. Fantastic.

It's all about farts. What inspired this? To do a fart and thought, huh, there it is. Funny. You're going to be able to do five days of this? Yeah, dude. I was amazed at how many facts about farts there were. Okay.

Today's fact about farts is gorillas are in what is described by scientists as a constant state of flatulence. Okay. Just breathing. They're constantly farting. Now, the reason being their diet is extremely fibrous. Oh, yeah. Extremely fibrous diet.

For example, weighing up to 190 kgs. I know, they're big boys. Big units. Eastern and Western gorillas. Unpack, please. Just hot, just big boys. So they eat 20 kilograms, 20 kilograms a day of plants,

such as nettles, wild celery, other vegetation. They just spend the entire time pretty much eating it. Do they eat any meat? I think it's chimpanzees that have been seen to be eating kind of other chimpanzees, but not by choice. They'll fight for dominance. They'll kill them and then they'll eat them

and they eat other bits and pieces. But I don't think big gorillas do. Right. So they're vegans? Yeah. I had no idea. Well, the thing is, they'll kill them and then they'll eat them and they eat other bits and pieces. But I don't think big gorillas do. So they're vegans? I had no idea. Well, the thing is, they'd love to tell you, but they can't speak English. You can read all about it on their blog. So the stuff they eat is really fibrous, but pretty nutrient poor.

So they have to eat a lot of it, which means they've got the gas and of course the gas leads to constantly farting. They're just in a constant state of farting and I found a TikTok here with some gorilla farts on it. Of course you have. From the BBC. Fantastic.

Oh yeah, cool. No, you didn't want me to log in before but now you do. I started again. God. She has too much food this morning. Actually spread her legs to go. It's remarkable. First of all, I was surprised that I was hearing a gorilla fart.

And to be honest with you, I suspect if one of you... God, I love the BBC. But then Fidel made it clear it was the gorilla farting. And I just can't believe none of the other gorillas reacted. I'm going to tell you this now. Give me the farts. I'll go back. There it is. It's a big gassy fart.

Do they reckon they stink if they're fermented fibres? They have described the smell of it. They said it's not as bad as you would expect. And I don't know why looking at a grillie you'd expect it to be bad because the fibrous just means it's gassy, but the protein is what makes it a little more pungent, right? They said it does have a slight whiff to it. They describe it as a distant rotten egg.

Right. How are these bras getting so jacked, bra, when they've got such a low-protein diet? I know. Bra. Bra. Imagine if we got them on the shakes. Imagine if we got them on some creatine.

Get them on some creatine. Get them on some 100% whey protein afterwards. Yeah, man. We would have some jacked gorillas. Imagine seeing a gorilla with his shaker, like... Yeah, even more jacked. Another animal that is in a constant state of farts, zebras.

Apparently, zebras are just because they're grazing the entire day. But then when they begin to run, like to run away from a cheetah or something, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart. Or is it like a defence mechanism? No, no, it's literally like they've been standing still and eating so much fibrous content

that when they start moving and they're gassy, it shakes pressure. The tightness, it just kind of like wiggles it out. If you do that, though, when you're going for a run and you're... Oh, my God, I love it. Yeah, yeah. And your headphones are in your hand. You're like, how loud are these? Yeah.

One of life's greatest feelings. And it's sweaty as well, so your butt's like clapping back there. So today's fact of the day is gorillas, and the first of fart week, here at Fact of the Day, are that gorillas are in what scientists describe as a constant state of flatulence. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Described as the worst of the new school lunches so far was fish pie.

And it was a frozen fish pie meal. Yuck. That's right. How many office microwaves are we destroying? How many school microwaves are we destroying heating up fish pie? It's banned in a lot of workplaces, heating up fish. Fish pie. I know.

As well it should be. So that got me to thinking that growing up, fish pie was my least favourite meal. On the rotation. On the rotation of growing up in the 80s and 90s in New Zealand where your mum knew seven to eight dishes and they were on a rotation. On the rotation of growing up in the 80s and 90s in New Zealand where your mum knew seven to eight dishes and they were on a rotation. I don't think we did.

We weren't big on the fish pie. Ours also wasn't a pie. Because it wasn't a, was it a Maggi? I don't know. Was it a slop and there was potato in it? We didn't have potato in ours. My mum does mashed potato on top of her pie. We had pasta and peas and like

a sauce and chunks of fish from a tin. Pasta and fish? The fish was tuna, big tuna tin. Oh no, I'm thinking of like the fish pie bake, which is probably what More like a shepherd's pie. Yeah, it's more like a shepherd's pie but it's fish. My mum does it with smoked kahawai and

boiled eggs. Oh no, it was always tinned fish. Yeah, no, no, we didn't smoked kahawai and boiled eggs. Oh, no, it was always tinned fish. Yeah, no, no, we didn't have that. That was the classic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, ours was not what you were describing. It had peas in it, it was macaroni elbows. Ooh, that sounds like a real... It was big chunks of fish. There was some cheese on top, but not too much. Your mum's

feeding a lot of mouths on a budget. Yeah, absolutely. And like, now I think about it, I'd probably smash a, if she was put in front of me, I'd be like, heck yeah, and I'd eat it. But when you were a kid,

it was like, what's the dinner tonight? Mum should be like, fish pie. And I think she made us meals we didn't like to teach us the valuable lesson of,

you're not always going to get what you want. Life's not fair. Food's food. Food's food, eat it and stop your whinging. And that's what's made you the man you are today.

That's made me the man I am to you. He'll just eat anything, you bet. My mum's worst one was a, and stop your whingeing. And that's what's made you the man you are today. It's made me the man I am today. He'll just eat anything. You bet. My mum's worst one was a, and I'm pretty sure it was a Maggi Sash. My mum only became a great cook later in life. Right. When she got the time.

When she had the time. Yeah. And it was like a mince beef chow mein, and she'd use two-minute noodles and a bit of like curry powder and frozen veg. Okay, that sounds yum. That sounds yum that sounds yum yeah i think that was the worst of it but same thing like what's for dinner i always hated i always did i always and i still do don't like stew i love stews i love stews i love a crockpot

i love i do love a crockpot but just not a stew just like beef, tomatoes and whatever. Yeah. Okay, stews. I'd always be like, ma'am, not stew. Ma'am. Ma'am. Cook me a real food, ma'am, not stew. And what you're describing, is it a fish mornay? Someone's messaged in, Hayley's describing a fish mornay. Yeah, with like a... I don't know what that is, but...

Bernays, you know, like a kind of a... Oh, okay, private school. Yeah, it was lovely, darling. I mean, my mum's worst one, she'd always overcook the cray. Always. And I'd be like, how dare you? dare you it's chewy mummy it's rubbery mum you're a bitch mummy you bitch why did you marry this dumb yeah i always knew when the orp pair Was cooking us dinner He says just after He said mum would cook us

Tuna pie Yeah Tuna bake Maybe that's Someone said When you're talking About tuna bake We just got a fish pie

Yeah tuna bake It had lots of peas in it Yeah tuna bake Because it was just Cheap and easy Totally You get tin tuna The packet

And you're done And it's constantly I think there's something To be said for those Basic meals that we grew up On making a full comeback. I'm talking chicken rice risotto and the big electric

frying pan. With a tin of pineapple in it. Yum. And crack a couple of eggs. If you've got the extra money. We want to know this morning, what was the worst meal that was in your rotation growing up? Someone has already said corned beef in a crock pot and then just an hour or two out,

she dumps in a whole cabbage. Yes. That's what Aaron would say. Boiled cabbage. Boiled Brussels sprouts. Oh, yeah. Brussels sprouts. We had those every now and again.

Mums in the 80s and 90s, they loved to boil. Boil the hell out. These things weren't green. Oh, no. Get that colour gone. Brussels sprouts now, when they're like charred and they're amazing.

Yeah, but Mama in the 80s, 90s, she ain't charring. We didn't know about charring in the 80s and 90s. We didn't know about charring. We had a pot and we had some water. We had some vinegar, some sea salt and, you know. Oh, my God. Someone's just messaged in something and whenever these got pulled out, I was the only one in my family, I'm like, I don't like them.

I don't like them. I don't like them. What is it? No, I'm going to tell you next. Okay. We're going to make some calls. 0800-Diles-at-Emerson number 9696. What was the... Oh, God.

One of them just made me a little bit... What was the worst meal on rotation? We are talking now about the meals that you hated growing up as a kid. Like maybe it was just one that mum or dad or whoever would pull out and you'd be like, not this again. Do you know the one that

someone messaged you before and I said, I'll tell you next? Yeah. Ham steaks. I love ham steaks. I usually, I'm a meat man, but so many ham steaks that were so salty, I'd always be like, after I was a bit like I used to love it after Christmas

and I'd big bit put it on the barbecue no no no oh sweetie you're a private you're a private school darling what what are we talking about

darling Hayley what's a hand snack darling she doesn't even know you don't even know no they're perfectly

round processed it was like like spam they're perfectly round, processed. It was like spam. Like a centimetre thick of ham. Like spam. Processed, really salty ham. Not spam. Not spam. It was like luncheon.

I don't like it. It was like luncheon, but a centimetre or nearly a centimetre thick. It was thick. Oh, no, darling. I'm thinking they've got a beautiful leg. No, no, no, no, no. We're not talking about re-cooking the Christmas house. That sounds yuck.

Yeah. And they always try to zhoosh it up with pineapple on top. So, okay, what's the worst dinner you had growing up, Tracy? What was the meal that you didn't like? Morning tea. So mine was watered down spaghetti bolognese. To make it go further. I know, mate.

So mum would put the Dolmio sauce in. Dolmio. Of course. And then she'd use the jar and she'd like fill it up with water and give it a good shake, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rest of the sauce. No. She wanted Tracy's mum. No, you put a tiny bit of hot water in the bottom and give it a good shake, you know? Yeah, yeah. Get a rest of the sauce. No, she wanted Tracy's mum.

No, you put a tiny bit of hot water in the bottom and give it a shake and get all the stuff. You don't need to fill it up again. Oh, Tracy's mum. Oh, watery spaghetti bolognese. It was so sloppy that I spun around with my plate one particular night and my dinner just like... It moved itself onto the floor, yeah.

Right on. Do you know what? When you said you spin around, I can literally see it all just go, swoop, off the side. Yeah, yeah, I was like, where's me fucking dinner gone, mate? Me dinner.

Oh, God. Tracy, thank you. Kat, what was the meal that you remember growing up? Morning, guys. Morning. My worst one was the pan ham soup that Dad used to serve up with big chunky bits of barley in it. Oh, barley!

Oh, my God, my kids have never choked on a piece of barley. It was disgusting. It was good filler. It was so bad. I was up, I was at the table till about 11 o'clock one night because Dad made sure that we always ate all of our meal back in the day. You're not allowed to leave. You're not allowed to leave.

No food to waste. You're not allowed to leave. And I actually vomited into the bowl. And then he was like, eat it. It was such a big, chunky bit. And then he woke up and he said, I should make you eat that. We're just raised differently.

We were just all raised differently. Did you have ham steaks, Kat, or did you have Hayley's sliced ham leftover? Did you have sliced ham on the barbecue the next day? I'm more of a cray girl. Yes, darling. It's got to be cooked right, doesn't it, Kat? It's got to be cooked right.

Amazing, Kat. Thank you. Some more messages. So many. My mum once made the famous chicken mince pie fish dish. What? Chicken mince fish pie. So all the meats.

All the meats in one because she was trying to keep everybody happy. But made nobody happy in there. That's the thing. You try to please everyone, you can please no one. Oh, and you know, we laugh at these stories about mums and dads growing up. We're doing the best they could. They were doing it tough. Yeah.

This has to take it out. Someone just texted in. We had homemade spaghetti and cabbage pizza with tomato slices on top and some form of dried herbs. Spaghetti and cabbage pizza with tomatoes. See, cabbage got a bad rap as well because cabbage rules, but... You gotta cook it right. You gotta cook it right.

And on a pizza. We didn't know how to char. On a pizza was not how you cook cabbage. Keep your messages coming in 9696 0800 Diles at M. Those meals that you hated as a kid growing up. These sloppy school lunches have been very triggering for our memories of childhood growing up with those meals.

And man, we are hearing some bizarre recipes. We want to know from you this morning the worst dinners that you had growing up. Just shut up and eat it, you fussy shit. You know what, you think the kids in Africa are all bitching and whinging about pineapple chicken casserole in the crockpot? Someone said, my mummy smoked pineapple chicken casserole in the crockpot.

The chicken never browned. And it was always real white. And we were like, is that cooked? We still talk about the horror of that chicken skin looking like mum was cooking up bits of human 30 years later. Carrot and sweet mash. I love carrot and sweet mash. My nan used to make it when we would go stay. And she always made it for me because she knew how much I loved carrot and sweet mash I love carrot and sweet mash My nan used to make it when we would go stay And she always made it for me because she knew how much I loved it

Oh my god carrot and sweet mash And of course it had to have butter and sugar in it That was probably doing a lot of the heavy lifting I'd say so yeah Can I have a vote for text of the week and I know it's Monday I mean sure My mum recently moved in with us and I have PTSD It's not one meal it's every meal

The woman bakes steak It's not even well done it's every meal. The woman bakes steak. It's not even well done, it's congratulations. That is funny. She bakes steak. But my parents always just beat the hell out of steak and then cooked it to it till it was leather. And now I'll cook a steak and mum's like, how do you

do it? It's very easy. You just put it on a barbecue. You're overthinking everything. A steak so well done, it's congratulations. That's my text to the Wink Vine. Well, are we doing it or? Yeah, do it. Read your liner.

I don't know. I think we can do better than that. Oh, you're going to hold off. Wow, I just thought that was such a good text. I think it's Monday. We can do better than that. Someone said, what about when you'd have a homemade steak and kidney pie and you'd be like, first bite, not bad.

Oh, no, wait, now I get it because you said congratulations. Instead of well done. Well done instead of well done. I get it now. So the issue was not the joke and that's he didn't get the joke. That's why I didn't get the joke.

That's really good. A steak so... It's not even well done, it's congratulations. That's so funny. Yeah, because I don't eat steak and I don't say well done. It's not to do with the steak. Medium rare and well done.

No, I'm over it. I already stole three or four to suck it. No, our text of the week. Thanks to Animates making happy happen for pets. You got a $50 Animates voucher. There you go. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Well done. He's just missed it, hasn't he? Steak and kidney pie. First bite, you'd be like, steak. Nice. Next bite, you'd be like, jelly kidney in your mouth. Oh, yuck. Mum in the 80s would make something she called chicken drumstick casserole.

It had white grapes in it and rounds of baguette on the top to soak up the insipid white-looking sauce that was pretty much the gelatinous residue from all the chicken. The whole thing would have looked, like, translucent. And then you'd have to pick the chicken drumstick out by the bone. Ew, shake off the flabby skin. Why were parents putting fruit into everything? Raisins, grapes, apricots.

Salads were big, eh? Raisins and mints. Somebody said we used to have a sort of a mint stew and it had raisins in it. I love this topic. The nostalgia, the trauma, it's got it all. What about boiled broad beans still in their skin? Oh, yeah. Someone's dad made spagbog with udon noodles.

Udon noodles? Spaghetti bolognese with udon noodles. How would that go? Not well. Mushy. Mushy, yeah. Yeah, a bit mushy. I wouldn't be against a bit more of a noodle spice to the spaghetti though in a spag bol.

Add a little something to it. My mum's go-to is sweet and sour pork with rice. Pork chunks were chewy. Skin was still on. Oh, yuck. One time, my brother was like, what's this on my piece of pork? And it was a nipple. Oh.

I got the pork nipple. Yuck. I got the pork. When you do pork belly, you get a nipple. That's gross enough. But it's a pork belly. You're expecting it. You're not eating mum's sweet and sour pork with rice and you're saying, what's this? Very chewy you get a nipple. That's gross enough, but it's a pork belly. You're expecting it. You're not eating mum's sweet and sour pork with rice

and you're saying, what's this? Very chewy too, a nipple. Beans on toast. I'm not complaining about the simplicity of beans on toast. The simplicity of beans on toast. Bloody curried sausages. I love a curried sausage. We called them deviled sausages,

but they were more or less the same. But that was an easy packet meal as well. No, deviled sausages are different. Deviled sausages are different to curried sausage. We called them deviled sausages, but they were more or less the same. But that was an easy packet meal as well. No, deviled sausages are different. Go on. Deviled sausages are different to curried sausages. Curried sausages, deviled sausages have more tomato in them. Curried sausages are like fruitier. Same thing.

Same thing. It's the same thing, really. But it's definitely a sizzler sausage. Tell us again about hamsteaks. Off the burn, darling. Off the burn. Oh, I'm busting for a wheeze after that podcast, I'll tell you. It's a podcast.

You are allowed to listen to it while you're wheeze. There's no rules on when and where you're allowed to listen to a podcast. It just says here I'm busting for a wheeze. I read it, okay? I read it. Give us a review. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.