ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 4th April 2024

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Dwayne 'The Rock' Shampoo  Top 6: Not-real things that should be illegal  Silly Little Poll!  Vaughans Shopping Trip  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley, it's two minutes past six. Pop my back out. Have you?

Yeah, something on this right side. It's like I need to be like... What were you doing? Do you want me to join you do that and I'll give you the old, yeah. Oh, don't trust. You've got to go to a professional. No, Aaron clicks me all the time.

I am a professional. Yeah, but he's like eight foot tall and a giant man. You'll put horns back out. Do you think you can handle me? I can handle you. All right. That's the hottest thing you've ever said.

He looked me in the eye and said, I can handle you. I can handle you. That was good. How did you put your back out? I think just bad sleeping, tossing turning. Oh, you don't have an exciting story. You weren't doing anything adventurous. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Not old, adventurous Sproul. Not last night.

Had a night off the adventure. Well, last night you were filming Seven Days. Yeah. Which is out tonight, starts again tonight. And we have joining us to talk about that after 7 o'clock this morning, New Zealand comedian Radio Royalty. Jeremy Corbett. Now, I made it clear to Josh Thompson and Eli Mathewson that we said no to them, that we didn't want them. Okay, yeah.

Josh said to me, am I coming on your show in the morning? I said, no, no, mate. We got offered you, but we poo-pooed it, and we asked for Jeremy. And so we got the big boy. We got the big dog. You got the big dog. We got the boss.

And big dog on bar. Yeah. He's in after seven to talk seven days. The top six is on the way. Top six things that should be illegal, even though they don't exist. Texas senators in Texas and the governor, they all agreed that chemtrails should be illegal.

Now, chemtrails don't exist. What's a chemtrail? You know when a plane flies through the sky and the condensation goes around the wings and it can form like the, and you can see a plane where it's gone and some people believe. Vapor trails.

Vapor trails. Some people believe that's the government spraying something that rains down on all of us and sedates us and keeps us under control. Sheeple. Yeah, sheeple basically. Look, I'd say if you're planning an American holiday, do it in the next year.

Because if Triplace is going down. Because that place is going to start civil warring, like the movie. That movie looks really good. Yeah. Have you seen the trailer for the movie coming out? Civil War? Basically, America goes through a modern-day civil war. Yeah.

Scott, is it Kirsten Dunst in it? Is it Kirsten Dunst? Is it Kirsten Dunst? They might actually have Kirsten Dunst in it, actually. Is she Kirsten Dunst? She's a very palatable actor. Very capable. Yes, it's Kirsten Dunst.

She did a bit of... And her partner, Jesse Pimmons, isn't it? He's had a bit of the ozimpy. Yeah, well, that's what people are saying. Also, they did MIQ here, didn't they? Remember that? Yeah, because they were making that movie with- The cowboy.

The cowboy one. Jane Campion. Doggy. Dogs. Spirit of the dog. Dog point. Dog point. Central Otago dogs.

Nick Offerman's in this movie too, and so is Wagner Mora. I love Wagner Mora. Lord of the Dogs. Lord, no. Land of the Dogs. Spirit of the Dogs. Spirit of the, Spirited Away with the Dogs. Arrrr.

I believe the title was Arrrr. Arrrr, The Power of the Dogs. Well, we'll get into these crazy Americans in the top six soon on the show, but next. Dwayne The Rock Johnson's causing quite the kerfuffle on the internet. So, Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Great guy. You know, you never see him in a film and think,

God, he sucks. You're just like, he's great. You never see him grumpy either. Nah. I reckon he does get grumpy, though. You reckon he does get grumpy? But he's a pro. We've interviewed him once or twice and he's always on. He always delivers. And every interview you

see him, he's never like, you know, phoning it in. Energetically generous. He's a pro. For sure. Well, he has branched out recently into men's sort of beauty products, skin care. The dude just loves making money, I think. He's got the energy drink. He's got the tequila.

He's always one of the richest factors, eh? Yeah, yeah. He's got many, many business investments. Well, this is called Papatui. And I know I'm saying that like it's a Maori word, but I assume it's Hawaiian of some. Hawaiian or Samoan, I think it's. Oh, my God, guess what his net worth is? Oh, like, it'll be close to a billion

if not a billion. $800 million. Yeah, so close to being a billionaire. He's got a bass pond on one of his properties. A bass pond? That gets populated with... You mean those singing fish? Those, but like the real... The real life version.

Flap, flap. The animal that that's based off. Like the real life version. Flap, flap. Like that. Look me in the water. The animal that that's based off. Yeah. Yeah. So he farms them. Like he gets them. He's just got this pond and yeah, he gets them, gets it loaded up.

Fishes. And then he goes and fishes. He wouldn't eat them though, eh? I think so. Is he kind of cheating? Is he just like rigging? Is he rigging fishing? Yeah.

Is he rigging fish? Well, they're in a lake. I assume they get fed or... Right. I don't know. Does he sprinkle the little... The pellets. The pellets.

Yeah, probably. To do that twice a day. Should be. Okay. Interesting. Well, this Papatui has... Twice a day? I think you're overfeeding your fish.

I like that. You're a cat. When you were a kitten, they were like... So you'd keep feeding them and then they'd be upside down they just can't overeat can they fish they'd be dead imagine the size of their stomach

little goldfish yeah anyway so Papatui that's his beauty line for men okay and it's

like an affordable line like it's not high end like a lot of celebs it's at Target you know $7 for this $6 for that so kind of like being it came out of the warehouse.

Yeah, totally. But in America. Yeah, but like great packaging in a Swingrock Johnson. Anyway, so the newest thing in the Papatui line is a two-in-one shampoo conditioner. Now, one, you can't combine the two. I think when I had hair, I did a two-in-one. Of course you did.

What did you do? Of course you did because you don't have a wife. I think I did a shampoo. I did a two-in-one. Of course you did. Did you? What did you do? Of course you did, because you don't have a wife. I think I did a shampoo. I don't know, just probably what was ever there. Yeah. But I used a two-in-one in my bed when I washed my bed. Aaron doesn't, but Aaron's got like... He's got a lot of hair.

Lady hair. Yeah, he's got ladies hair. He's got more hair than I've got. Yeah, he does. So he has to use... Beautiful ladies hair. Beautiful. All sorts of products.

How nice. Beautiful, isn't he? Sometimes when his hair's down, I walk up behind him, I'm like, that's a big bitch. And that's in my fantasy. I saw you wrapping your hands around his hips. He's a silver fern and he turns around and he's got the goal attack bib on.

I know. And he ravages me. I know, he traps you. So he's got a two-in-one shampoo condition. Everyone's like, no offence, mate, but what do you know about shampoo? This man has been bald since we've known him. Yeah. Like there are some fighters with him with

hair. Yeah, when he was a wrestler he had short hair and then he shaved his head like clipped it and then shaved it and hasn't looked back. He is proper bald. Proper bald. Skinhead bald. Anyway, the tagline for this product, the two-in-one,

is my hair would have loved this, which I think is so good. I love that. So he's owning the fact that he knows that he has no hair and has a two-in-one shampoo line. An expertly crafted plant-derived formula that nourishes and strengthens your hair. My hair would have loved this. I love that.

And the internet just finds it so funny. I'd like to see him with a beard. I just think I've never seen, oh, yeah, he'd look good with a beard. There's a couple of photos where he's just let it grow out a little bit. Not the goatee that he had in the Fast and the Furious. No, yuck. That was a bit yuck, like a full beard. Yeah.

Well, good for him, you know. Why does he like, why would you bother? You've got $800 million. Do you know what I mean? Who can be bothered doing like a photo shoot? Go fishing on your farm. Yeah, I know. Yeah, exactly.

Just go fishing on your farm. Like, who cares? Do one fun action film every two years. Work out. But he's talking about how he grew up super poor. Yeah. Like never knew, you know. So I think that installed the work

ethic in him. So he just keeps going and keeps going and keeps going. But how much is enough? Yeah,

you got to relax and enjoy it, you know? Yeah, I know. 14 past six. Next on the show, 51% of people

that have a car say this is a thing. I've got a car. And you've got a car. I've also got a car. Vaughn, you've got two cars. Must be nice.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, this was a study done out of America with thousands of car owners, and 51% of them say that their vehicle they treat as a family member. And 22% have an emotional attachment to their car. Oh, I definitely used to. I've got an emotional attachment, but I wouldn't consider it a family member. Yeah, but you've got kids, so that sort of makes them more important. No, probably more the Land Rover.

Okay. Because it was my grandad's. Yeah. But also, like, maybe I'd be upset if something happened to the Jimny, but I wouldn't be like, yeah, I'd go. But there's, like, thousands of them. No, but it's not. You're so cold.

Not the Hyundai, though. You know? I drove the Hyundai, though. I drove the Hyundai to work today. It was quicker getting here, but it just lacked a certain Jenny say-quat, you know? I know, yeah. My car, the Maz, lacks some Jenny say-quat. And that's why you've got an urge to get a silly 1971 Mercedes convertible?

That's right. Is that on the five-year plan? Yeah. It is on the plan. Yeah. Aaron laughed when. Is that on the five-year plan? Yeah. It is on the plan. Yeah. Aaron laughed when I put it on the five-year plan. He said, you can put a 1971 Mercedes convertible on the plan. I said, just stick it on the plan. Wait, you saw this?

Even though the local mechanic said to me, do not do that. Yeah, they always say that. But he should be saying, do do that. Unless he doesn't specialise in 1971 convertible Mercedes, because then he's not going to be able to pull it off. It takes some money from me. I can't believe you saw this car on a listing and now that's what you want.

It's just like, it's it. It's it. Are you having a midlife crisis? Yes, very much so. Very, very, very, very much so. Well, yesterday she got sent a book for perimenopausal. Oh my God. What?

We'll talk about this later. We'll talk about this later. Okay, okay. Okay, we'll talk about that later It's a thing Yeah yeah We can discuss it on air But we'll just park it

But so I get I get the sentiment of it Because my old Mazda My red Mazda Like I adored that car And when it ran itself Into the ground Or when I ran it

Into the ground Yeah And it got taken away To be crushed into a cube I That's how much ground You ran it into Is it There was no saving it No. That's how much ground you ran it into. There was no saving it.

There was no saving it. No partsing it. It was cubed. It was like 350,000 kilometres for a 2005 Mazda. It had served its time. They went the distance, didn't they? Oh my God, yeah. And I cried.

And I sat in it and I had a glass of wine. It was parked on the street. What was it, a 2005? Mazda 3. Mazda 3. CX. 323 in 2005? Mazda 3. Mazda 3. CX. 3-2-3? No, Mazda 3.

Okay. Like a Demio. It wasn't an Axela and it wasn't a Demio. No, that's a little bit bigger than a Demio, a little bit smaller than an Axela. But then so that got crushed and I cried

and I was really emotional. I did a whole photo shoot and then so I replaced it with another Mazda 3 and I just do not have a soul connection. I couldn't give a toss about that car. Your current car is the one that you're in. You don't have the same connection.

But you can get in it. You get in it and you feel there's no soul there. There's no soul. There's no soul. Yeah. You know? It's maybe because you treat it like a rubbish dump. No, but I treated my last one like that and it loved it.

It loved it. It loved it. It liked to be treated nasty, you know? And this car's like... The fun thing getting into your car is where will all of us sit? Where will we go? Yeah. Will it get there?

Yeah. And Hayley just says, push it. Just push it. And you just get in the back seat and you put a shoulder into the junk and you just lean. And then bags on laps. Yeah. But a member of the family. Yeah.

That's a bit much, isn't it? It'd be interesting to see of people who actually have a family how many people... These are family-less people, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley from the Panoramic ZM Think Tank.

This is the Top Six. Now, I do apologise. Okay. I got my T-States mixed up. Now, I do apologise. Okay. I got my T-States mixed up. Oh, no. Tennessee Republicans, not Texas Republicans. Oh, okay. Tennessee Republicans.

Texas Republicans would do. Probably. Although they, Texas are the ones that have banned social media for kids. Okay. Which a lot of people even like. There are some parts, some real liberal parts of Texas, which always surprises me. Yeah. Or like Austin is.

Yes. I think that's about the only place. We've got a podcast listener who lives in Austin. Lovely. And they often surprise me. They'll message about something. You guys should try replying to people that send you messages, by the way. Don't reply.

Hayley doesn't. Hayley's a bitch. Snob. A couple of snobby bitches. And yeah, they often say, oh, the text is being misrepresented on a whole here because Austin said this. Or Austin's done this. I'm like, that's impressive.

But Tennessee Republicans have passed an anti-chemtrails bill. Which is interesting because chemtrails do not exist. This would even be a... This would predate most internet conspiracies, right? It's one of the OG conspiracies.

The Republican-sponsored bill prohibited the intentional injection, release, or dispersion by any means of chemicals, chemical compounds, substances, or apparatus within the borders of the state into the atmosphere. So you're not allowed to strap mind control gases to

commercial airlines and then have them release it over a city to subdue the... It doesn't happen. It doesn't exist. It's not a thing. You don't know that. It's never been proved. It doesn't exist. It's not a thing. Vapor from the engines. It's been explained by science. Top six things that should be illegal even though they don't exist.

Number six. It should be illegal to be an alien and crash your spaceship in Roswell, New Mexico. Yeah. It should be. I don't think there are laws against that. No, I know. And it should be illegal because it's just like, it's such an open area with such a low population.

They should have to crash their spaceship somewhere a little more populated so we all can see. Yeah, like New York. Yeah. No getting away with it there. Couldn't hide that from the news. No, no way. Number five on the list of the top six things that should be illegal even though they don't

exist. It is now illegal to be a mythical creature and not stop and let people get a clear photo of you. Sasquatch, I'm looking at you. Yeah. Loch Ness. I'm also looking at you. This will finally get them.

Yeah. Stop hiding. It's illegal to run away now if you're a mythical creature and someone's got a camera on you. You've. I'm also looking at you. This will finally get them. Stop hiding. It's illegal to run away now if you're a mythical creature and someone's got a camera on you. You've got to stop, pose, maybe smile, get the photo, ask them if it's okay, and then be on your way.

Number four on the list of the top six things that should be illegal, even though they don't exist. Any attempts to find the edge of the flat earth are now illegal. Really? Because if you come back with photos of the drop-off at the edge of the earth, because, of course, the earth's a disk, the sheeple will be awake to the fact that it's not a globe anymore.

Yeah, we can't tell them. So no going near the edge of the earth. Okay. Okay. Good. Number three on the list are the top six things that should be illegal even though they don't exist. It should be illegal to run for any form of government if you're a lizard in a human costume. Yeah.

I mean, that should go without saying. Yeah. It should, but it's not in the law. Yeah. If you're an iguana, if you're a Komodo dragon, if you're a reptilian of any type. Tuatata locally. You can imagine a stack of Tuatata in a human costume running for, you know, down South Council. How would we know?

And then that's their foot in the door of politics. I think there's already three of them on the Southland Council. Yep. I think you're right. Lizard people. I beg your pardon? I know. Lizard people. We need to get down there.

I know. And stop these lizard folk. Number two on the list of the top six things that should be illegal, even though they don't exist. It's now illegal to use satellites to cause earthquakes. Oh, okay. That was a thing, was it? Yes.

Okay. HAARP was a big conspiracy. Yeah, right. I think we lost the lead singer of the band Muse to that theory. I don't know if he ever came back. Matt Bellamy. Matt Bellamy believed that earthquakes were caused by satellites. Right.

I thought it was seismic. Ruined the music. Yeah, it is. It is tectonic plates and the, you know, submersion and collision of them. Number one on the list of the top six things that should be illegal, even though they don't exist. I personally, my belief, it should be illegal to use 5G to control microchips in your bloodstream that were put there by a vaccine.

Yeah, right. We'll make that illegal. We've made it illegal. Yeah. Done. Stamped. But what if I've already had the chip with the vaccine? Well, the chips can be in there, but they can't control it with 5G.

Right. They could just leave it. It'll just float around and disintegrate over time. Yeah. Okay. By the time we develop a test thorough enough to see them, the markers are sort of absorbed into our blood. God, we joke, but people actually believe this stuff. These people exist.

Yeah. I'll tell you what was real fun. Last night, Googling conspiracy theories. Did we lose you to any of them? Nah. Oh. Yeah. There was a couple that I was like, that's funny.

Yeah. But then when you read it, you're like, that stopped being funny a paragraph ago. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. The answer to my question, please. I asked you if you often look around a room and think, I'm better looking than everyone else in here.

No, that's, why would we think that? I'd say because often you guys are. God, there's some mingers out there. Right. Where is this going? Well, there's a funny little study here from the United States of America, which is thriving. As previously mentioned.

I will say that this is a study looking at older people, 50 to 80. Okay. Now that's just around the corner for you too. You know, I'm just saying. Right. 80. 50 to 80 is the bracket.

We'll also explain next why it's just around the corner for you. Actually, shut up. Actually, shut up. I'm 34, which is why what we're going to talk about next hurt the most. Okay.

So it surveyed American adults age 50 to 80 about their own perception of their appearance, basically, and like how they see themselves. The majority of them, 59% of them, said that they often look around at people of a similar age to them and think, I'm looking better. I'm looking better than that. I'm looking younger. I'm looking fresher. I'm looking tighter. Okay, that 59% of people, does that mean a lot of them are deluded?

Do you know what? Well, 59%, that's just over half. Yeah. So half of them have to be better looking than the average. So I can allow for 50%, 9% delusional. Yeah, right. So you're going half of them are looking better. Yeah, that makes sense. They have to be just on a law of averages. So on

that though, like if you're going, are they deluded? I'm reading this. I don't know. Our brains have an inbuilt denial mechanism that stops us from confronting our own mortality and makes us see ourselves as younger than we actually are. So our biological age differs from our subjective age,

they're calling it. Right. How will we feel? Or how will we feel we look as well? Or how much Botox and cosmetic surgery you've had. Is that part of the denial mechanism? This is what I think. Some of us take it a bit further.

I saw a lady the other day who actually looked like a duck. Like her face. Did you see a duck? Did you see Daisy? Are you familiar with Daisy Duck? I saw a duck on a human shoulders. And I was like, what have you done to yourself? Like, the lips were like.

It looks painful. It looks sore. And everyone's just like, what are you doing? The flip-flop when the inside becomes the new outside. Yeah. To each their own. Yeah, I mean, you know, do what makes you happy, but I'm just like.

I know I've sort of been sharing a bit that me and Aaron were making this five-year plan. I said, if I get to 40 and I feel like it, I said, I may book a trip to Turkey and just zip up, nip, up, up-de-doo-dee-yoink. A couple of dry lamb cofters while you're there. A couple of dry ass lamb cofters while I'm recovering. And you're recovering and you're like, this is dry.

Water. You need a lot of water. I'm just working up for surgery. I'm starving. Why are you giving me this dry lamb? I'm so dry. I'm so dry. But God, my boobs look great.

Stoked with this. Glass of water, please. Maybe some yoghurt. So is this something, obviously they've surveyed people over 50, but is this something that younger people do as well? Yeah, well, they're saying that it's just like, we just think this the whole time.

I mean, I've been 19 for utterly years. Literally 25 years. Literally 15 years. I'm a 28-year-old with a sore back. That's all I am. Yeah, me too. That's all I am. I've pulled my back this morning but it's crazy because I'm 19

and so it's probably just from partying. Yeah, because you did a flip off the trampoline. I did a flip off the trampoline and I had some rambunctious sex. Did you? And now your back's like ouch. That's probably what's happened. Yeah. Not just that I slept funny next to my long term partner who was snoring and you know.

I had snoring going on next to me last night too. Did you? A couple of nudges. Yeah, a couple of flips. And doesn't it annoy you when you wake them up when they're snoring and they're like, what? Like, you've really, like, put them out. Yeah. Now, this year I turned 35 in October, meaning I am currently 34.

Yeah. Just, you know. That's great maths from you. Do the math there. However, yesterday, and, you know, bless him, I was reached out to by a publication house asking if I would be interested in receiving a book. The book is about exercise, women's health,

and science in how to prepare the body for perimenopause. Now, perimenopause is what happens before menopause. It's like the step before you enter menopause. Now perimenopause is what happens before menopause. It's like the step before you enter menopause. Generally happens to women between 40 and 50. Right. Well, you're nearly there. Five years away. That is so far away.

Perimenopause is also what men who are living with someone going through menopause call the little periscope they put up just to check if it's safe to come out. Yeah, yeah. Go, go. Down. Stay quiet. Safe to enter the kitchen to get a biscuit and go back to the room. Stay in the shed outside.

Don't disturb the beast. I read it and was like, what are we talking about? What are we talking about? I only started menstruating so recently. I'm but a teenager. 20 years ago. I am but a teen. I'm but a teenager.

I'm 19. I'm basically in my 20s. I'm basically in my 20s. 30s. 20s. Basically, you're in your 30s. 34 is closer to 20. No, it's closer to 40 than it is 20. Nos. 20s. Basically, you're in your 30s. Realistically. 34 is closer to 20. No, it's closer to 40 than it is 20.

No, it's not. 34 is closer to 20. And you can't go backwards last time I checked. No. 34 is closer to my 20s than it is my 40s. No, because you can't go backwards. So it's closer to 40. Yes, you can.

It's just in the middle. If we were rounding, we would round me down to 30. We wouldn't round. Which is literally seconds away from being 20s. Wait, if this was coins at the supermarket. You'd round down. 34, you'd round up to 35, wouldn't you? Swedish rounding.

Swedish rounding at the supermarket. No, you'd round down to 30. No, because it's four. We're not in Sweden, hon. No, we're at Countdown. This is what they do at Countdown with Swedish rounding. Woolworths. Woolworths.

Thank you for clarifying. I'm sorry, big supermarket. You are. And your big rebrand. No, 34 is closer to being in my 20s than it is to my 40s. That's just mathematics. That's just how numbers work. And so you're quite offended

that you were reached out and they were going to give you a free copy of this book. I don't know if it was offended, if it was just... Shocking. Yeah, like confronting. Yeah.

It must have been a big roll of the dice for a publicity place to be like, okay, we'll get this book on perimenopausal situations. Who do we send it to? Yeah. Even sending it to a woman in her 40s, I'd imagine it would be the same situation.

I'm sure it's a great book for women entering that phase of their life. But like, I'm still in puberty. I haven't even fully developed yet. Okay, right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I'm still becoming a woman,

let alone sort of hopping on the other end of the cycle I'm basically 20s I'm basically 20s You are There's such insincerity here What do we do? You deal with this all the time I'm basically 20s

Yeah Make a distraction and I'll press play. Smash, flick. Whoop! Whoop! Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley

Silly little poe Silly little poe It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little poe, silly little poe S That silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole

Silly little pole today. Do you believe in karma? Karma for those unfamiliar with karma. Where does the idea come from? It feels like Buddhist. Hinduism and Buddhism. Hindu, yeah. The sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence

viewed as deciding their fate in future existence. Good or bad luck viewed as resulting from one's actions. Hinduism. That's what identifies karma. I don't, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm not a religious person at all, but I do believe you get back what you put out, you know, energetically.

Sort of positivity. If you're good to people, they'll be good to you. Oh my God, shut up. Do you know, if you do kindness, what you give out to the universe, the universe will give to you in return. I say this all the time to Aaron. This is why life constantly goes my way.

But life can just be unfair sometimes. You could be the nicest person and just get a raw deal. 100%. And that's just life, you know? I don't know if mine is karma or if what I'm describing as life always goes my way, I believe there's another word for it. White privilege.

I think it's privilege. Privilege, yeah. I believe it's another word for it white privilege I think it's privilege I believe it's privilege yeah parents had money white somebody once said to me about karma do you think animals

have karma and I was like well I didn't believe in karma in the first place but no I don't believe animals have karma and they said well we are but animals

you and me baby yeah ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like the dude on the Discovery Channel. Yeah. Getting horny now. Great song.

Great song. It's been a while since I've thought about the Bloodhound Gang. I should play it next, actually, shouldn't I? Do you know what? You're in control, mate.

I feel like it's not. It's a perfect song to play tomorrow. Put your hands in my pants and I'll bet you feel nuts. Great song. All the Bloodhound Gang songs were a good time. You're not wrong.

82% of people who voted believe in karma. Wow, okay. 18% said no. Let's see what they've got to say. Kara or... Spit it out. Spit it out, boy. Spit it out, boy. spit it out spit it out boy spit it out boy

spit it out boy shitty things happen to good people and good things happen to shitty people karma is not a cosmic retribution that you can pose

on somebody shit happens yeah now that's a bit of I can get on board with shit happens yeah I agree

I think I agree that's a good summary yeah I like that Lottie said 100% gotta keep the good juju out there now. I don't believe we can say that anymore. Well, you just said it.

Juju. I said it on behalf of Lottie. Yeah, well, both of you are cancelled. Who may be allowed to say it. Keep the good juju out there, otherwise your future will consist of annoying gravel in your shoe. Oh. Annoying gravel in the shoe.

I think it's a metaphor, though, isn't it? A bit of gravel in your shoe. I hate that. Stephanie said, pulled a sickie two weeks ago, woke up sick, still coughing from the cold. That think it's a metaphor though, isn't it? A bit of gravel in your shoe. I hate that. Stephanie said, pulled a sickie two weeks ago, woke up sick, still coughing from the cold. That is karma. Nope, that's not seasonal colds. Dan, that's poor gut health. That's changing the season.

You need to get your fermented foods up. You need to shut your mouth. It'll increase your immunity. I'll increase your immunity by punching you in the mouth. Fruit and veg. Mikael says, I said yes, but I think I just believe in consequences of your actions. Yeah, that's different to karma.

That's different, yeah. Chris, every dog has its day. Be kind and hopefully it won't smack me in the butt one day. I've had enough shit. Must have been a bitch in a former life. A lot going on there, Chris. Wow. I don't think that has anything to do with your former life.

That's waxing lyrical. Chris, also, the last time Chris messaged the FVH Instagram page was in response to the silly little poll about, do you wear a singlet? And they had ticked yes. But I'm not a cold child. He's a cold child. He's a cold child. Then why'd you tick yes if you're not a small, cold child?

It sounds like he's a cold child with a bad past life. That's right. And needs some meat on the bones. Sian says, it's the only thing that gets me through. Sian, if all that's getting you through is karma, we've got to find some other anchor points to get you through.

I mean, I don't believe in karma, but I don't think it's a bad thing to be a good person. Like, because you think that... Oh, put that on a t-shirt. Put that on a bumper sticker. We've got some Carl Fletcher top tier philosophy happening here. I mean, I don't believe in it, but be nice to people, you know?

Let me just wipe away this tear from that beautiful sentiment. That's gorgeous, man. You are so welcome for that. You are a modern day Shakespeare. Don't put that on a picture of a mountain or something. Yeah, I will, with a cat hanging onto a branch. Yeah. I don't believe it's a given, says Raina,

but if you're a good person, good things grav says Rainer. But if you're a good person, good things gravitate to you and if you're a bad person or making bad choices, bad things will happen. Yeah, I think that. You've got to try your best and hope for the best

in return, you know. Oh, we've got another bloody modern day car fletcher there. Yeah, that was beautiful. That was beautiful. Get that on a bumper sticker. Yes.

My car's laden with these bumper stickers at this point. Yeah, you've got a lot of bumper stickers. Oh my God, I saw someone the other day with a bumper sticker and it was something along, you've got a lot of bumper stickers. Oh my God, I saw someone the other day with a bumper sticker

and it was something along the lines of, if you can read this, you're really far up my arse or something. Yeah, what was that one? I was like, that's quite rude. Don't tailgate. Yeah, it's about tailgating. If you read this, you're up my arse. But I had to get Clive to read it because it was so small.

Because you wanted to see it. Because I wanted to see what it is. It's a catch-22. Sort of a karma of bumper stickers. Yeah. Karma there. They don't want you up their arse, but they're inviting you. To read it. Yeah. Again, that's

pretty deep. Emma said yes, but not in a big star sign, woo woo sort of person way. I just think positive energy and action gets the same back. So let's keep it positive. A bit like you. Yeah. That's kind of what you're thinking, isn't it? Yeah, I think so.

Keep it positive out there. Positive, positive, positive. Do you have anything positive to say? Just positive, positive, positive. Beautiful. Hey, I just got a text. Jeremy Corbett. Hey, Sproul, I'm here, but nobody seems to know how to get me to you.

Jeremy. Guys, look how early he is. Jeremy is next. Jeremy Corbett. Jeremy Corbett. Seven Days is back on screens tonight. Hayley's on tonight's episode as well. Someone go fetch the man.

Woman, too many women. There's three women on the panel tonight. What? God just lost half the audience, didn't we? Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Tonight, 7.30 on TV3. It's a return of seven days.

Jeremy Corbett, what season are we up to? I'm just getting over the fact I forgot to turn my mic on. I did work in radio for 18 years. A long time. I mean, to be fair, Fletch should have done that for you. You are our guest. I did, yeah. No, I should have done that for you.

I thought Fletch was going to swear. When he started, he just... He stumbled. He sort of... I thought there was a swear word coming out. He really has to watch his tongue, this guy. Real potty now. He has sworn 16 years.

Unbelievable. I pinched myself saying that. 16. 16. New Zealand's longest running comedy, like anything? I don't know. You'd think it's got to be up there somewhere. I think Country Calendar's been funnier for longer.

Unintentionally? I'm going to chuckle it. Country Calendar. But Country Calendar's where I first saw Fred Dagg back in the day. Of course. His first cameo was on Country Calendar. Really? Yeah, I don't know why I was watching Country Calendar,

but it was hilarious. I feel like a lot of people who don't work in TV don't know how hard Country Calendar rates. Yeah, huge. I didn't know until I started working in telly and you'd be like, how are we rating? They'd be like, oh, great, here's your numbers. You'd be like, oh, awesome. And then I'm like, what

one? They're like, oh, it's constantly country calendar. It's country calendar. Yeah. All the time. Even the reruns of country calendar do better than like 90% of the shows on television. We were just chatting off here because you know, Seven Days has had a few iterations now. It used to be like 10 o'clock at night. Yep.

Basically no rules. You could say whatever you wanted without punishment. Then moved a little bit earlier and that's what I think when I started sort of an 8.30 time slot. When you could say whatever you want with punishment. With punishment. And then now it's on at 7.30 definitely

like you can still have a lot of fun but you've got to watch your P's and your Q's. Yeah because everyone on the show sort, we don't want people editing themselves, but you do see it a little bit with the show now. Someone will say something and go sort of like what used to be the 10 o'clock material, and we're all going, this is not going to be on TV tomorrow. This is not going to make the cut. Just for the room.

It is just for the room. And so the live show is a little bit more boardy than what you see on TV still. Because I remember the 9.30 rules, like the producer would come out and say, enough, we've hit our Fs. Yes, that's right. We've got one C left.

It's not going to make the television, but if someone wants to do it, Di's going to take this. Di will be like, I'll take the C. From memory, you were on and you jumped straight in with the swear words. With the C. Did you? Yeah. You weren't so much a swear word guy, you were more an image we

didn't need to think about. That, yes. That's your strength. Yeah. Yeah, that was, there was one instance, I don't know if it's still the most complained, for a while I held the coveted title of the most complained about. Really? Seven days, Joe. Which is quite something because weirdly Seven Days

even back in its early days didn't get a lot of complaints. Sort of initially people were a bit shocked but then It's like you know what you're getting into. Because the expectation is different, right? Yeah. So Paul Henry could say something mildly controversial on his early show and they would get a lot

of complaints. We could say way worse on seven days and didn't after a while. People just got used to what was going to happen. Yeah. Do you feel like, because you've obviously, you know, we come on like once in a blue moon and have a great time. Oh, you come on far too often.

No, actually. That's actually the feedback we're getting. Even here. She's back again today. We're like, she's part of the show now. She was already there. Maybe just once a week, maybe. Because what's your hit rate, Vaughan?

Where are you sitting? I had seven days of parents. Zero for the last hour of many seasons. A couple of blacklists. But obviously, you get to sit there and sort of receive it all.

That's the joy of it. It's like, I mean, you're heavily involved in it. I'm like a mad granddad and the kids show up every week and I never know which one are my children and which are their friends.

I just sit there and enjoy it. But it's never boring, is it? I was saying off the head of you guys, I genuinely laugh so much every week. It's just the dream job. Yeah, it's almost silly. So tonight we've got, I'm on, I'm on the panel. I'm captaining team one with Alice Sneddon and Eli Matheson.

Yes. V-Funny. And then Alex Ward from Australia's on. Yep. With Paul Douglas. Paul Douglas. If you don't know him, he's a great stand-up. He's sort of, my description of him is he's like the late,

great Ewan Gilmore and Justin Bieber had a baby. Oh, my God. That is a flawless description. Yeah, but now I'm picturing the sex. Yeah, no, don't. Just imagine somehow it was done in a lab with DNA. That's way better. Petri dish.

Petri dish. Okay. And Josh Thompson. Of course. Oh, Tomo. Wonderful. Yeah, everyone loves Tomo. Yeah, it's definitely a great episode.

Tomo get a bit flustered at some stage. It's classic Tomo. Tomo Tomo'd in part one. And I saw it happening and I was like, God, he's already standing, he's already yelling. He's getting smustered

and then tape is off and the audience is like, he's the best. You're like, how's he getting away with this? Year after year. Also,

we've got two amazing guests on as well. Oh, wow. I tell you what, I don't know, you've obviously played a lot of music on the show.

I've never seen Hayley melt so much after seeing a performance. And it was country music. It was country music. It was country music. Wow. You speak out against your hatred of modern country.

Well, that's going to change. You have to watch to see. You have to watch because it blows your mind. And, of course, my girlfriend's on the show as well. Close what, Brooke? So you melted a couple of times. Yeah, I melted. She kept turning around.

I was the closest sitting behind her. She kept turning around to just have a conversation. You couldn't hold eye contact. I couldn't look. So you melted a couple of times. Yeah, I melted. She kept turning around. I was the closest to sitting behind her. She kept turning around to just... You couldn't hold eye contact. I couldn't look. Did you see? I couldn't look. Any time she'd turn around, I was like, yeah. Big fan girl moment.

And I just looked down like that. So embarrassing. Not cool at all. But anyway, it's on tonight, 7.30 on 3. So if someone writes a country music song about Chloe Swarbrick, you're in for it. I'm dead. I will die.

Jeremy, thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Today, 7.30 on 3. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Great that we played stick season actually before this story. Okay. I've got a bit of a bone to pick with white men and sticks.

Okay. Twice. We do love a good stick. Love a stick. Picking up a stick, pretending it's a sword, pretending you're Donatello from the Ninja Turtles. Got a bit of weight to it. Spinning it, imagining it's a lightsaber,

walking with it like Gandalf. We do love a stick. Not the sticks I'm talking of. Now, I know that in this room before me, I have two capable men of Pākehā descent that are confident with a set of chopsticks. Ah! Ni hao.

Ni hao. I would be disgusted in you in particular, Vaughan, if you weren't considering you have birthed Asian children. Well, yes, you contributed to the birth. I contributed the non-Asian part. But your kids are Asian. They do have Asian heritage.

And your wife is Asian. And they can both use Chopsticks. August better than Indy, which is the younger better than the older. Is Indy more of a stabber? She's a stabber. She'll stab the teriyaki chicken. She's a stabber. Yep.

She's a stabber of a dumpling stabber. And not even try with the rice. Oh, God, no. Oh, no, the rice is, we're getting a spoon. Twice in the last week, I have been at actually the same Japanese spot that I love to go to. It's a place I take myself for little dates. And I went there yesterday because I was hungry for some Japanese lunch and I needed to do some work.

And I'd gone the week before to probably do the same thing. And did they just let you put your laptop there and go? They, like, know me. I go there so much. They're like, here she is, table for one, sit in that corner, work on my laptop. Here she is, the loser's back with my friends. Yeah, loser sprawl.

And both those visits within the last week, there's been a white man at a table across from me who has ordered a gyoza and a koregi chicken. Koregi. A gyoza, a goyoza and a koregi chicken and forks. Oh. And it's so embarrassing. Has it been the same guy?

No. Oh, different white man. Two different white dudes. We do all look the same. Ordering forks. And I think it's time to give up the fork. It's time to grow up. I think if you're going to eat food from the Asian continent,

you should do it with chopsticks. It's not that hard. I can't remember when I learned. I just learned. Like you just do it, right? I just learned. Yeah, and I was never into Japanese food really when I was young. I thought it was just all like seaweed and I was like, no thanks.

And then, yeah, I don't know. You just learn like you learn how to use a fork or a pen. But it's so embarrassing. Now we've had this twice, Fletch, when we've had social occasions. Once was with our friend who ordered a fork. Yeah. And once was with Jared who at the same place ordered a fork. And we love to make a scene when that happens, don't we?

Yeah, and actually we've got a little gift, and this could be if you are a white man who orders a fork at an Asian restaurant, go on your Timus or your AliExpress. You can get trainee chopsticks. Yeah, with their joint like a hinge. Their joint like a little boing, boing, boing. Yeah, and they've generally got a cute animal on the end, eh? Yes, they do.

You can actually get these round discs that have got holes in them. You put the chopsticks through and they do the same thing so you can put in the disposable chopsticks. I think it's time we learned. I think if you're ordering a fork, I need you to know how embarrassing that is. I'm not Asian in any way, but I need you to know I'm judging you loudly. What is the other cutlery of the world? Someone just said that calling me out for calling out fork users

but calling it craggy chicken. Yeah, I was being ironic. I was quoting the guy and how he ordered the chicken. Even though. I'm surprised he said gyoza. It was just like those lovely little dumplings. Yeah, get me some of those pan fried dumplings and the crag little dumplings. Yeah, get me some of those pan fried dumplings and the creaky chicken. Crispy dumplings.

Yeah. Garage chicken. Even though you do order a vagina at Mexican restaurants. Yeah, or the quesadilla. I'm not sure. What am I doing wrong there? Again, that's being silly. But I eat my quesadilla with chopsticks. Yeah. Like a real Mexican.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. You know, every now and then in New Zealand, police page, like a local police establishment. Constabulary? Like the Facebook pages. Constabulary? Yeah.

Is that a word? I don't know. It feels like the constable is the constable of the constabulary. Yeah. Is that a word? I don't know. It feels like the constable is the constable of the constabulary. Yeah. We'll put up a photo in New Zealand and be like, do you know this man? Or on the run, this guy. And they'll have a night at that stage.

And then in the comments, they'll themselves will comment saying like, ha ha, you can't catch me. Yeah. That's not a very good photo of me. Some of those posts are so great. So great.

But then they're a criminal. So you kind of want them to get caught in the end anyway Sorry did I just sound like a narc? Sounded like a bit of a narc there I want to say you sound like a big fat narc Big old narky nark pants So in Britain at the moment there is a man on the run and police are sharing

his description and often talking about how he has a receding hairline He has asked them the man on the he has a receding hairline. He has asked them, the man on the run with the receding hairline, to please stop saying he has a receding hairline as his most identifiable feature. Because he's upset. He's got other features and he doesn't want everybody going, he does have a big forehead.

Is it killing his game with the ladies as well? Is he killing his game with the ladies? Oh, you're the receding hairline guy. Yeah. Yeah, right. He's a bad boy. I like. Oh, you're the receding hairline guy. Yeah. Yeah, right. He's a bad boy. I like that. They are right, receding hairline.

So you can see in the photo he's got a receding hairline. Yeah. How receding are we talking? Like it's a receding. Enough receding that if you were to describe him, you would say he's a criminal on the run that you're trying to give a description of, you would say, and he has a receding hairline.

Right. Is he doing that thing where he's kind of combing it over? He's on the run. But the piece is like halfway back. It's getting blown back. He's just on the run so much. Just cut it off. We've all been there. So if you add, if this was you,

this is what I want to talk about this morning. What would be your discernible feature if you were on the run for a crime and they were describing you Great rack, 10 out of 10 dumper Wait, so police are looking Police are looking She's got a fat ass

She's on the run with that nice big ass If you see it from behind You'll see the dumper first If you see it from the front, 10 out of 10 rack Wanted criminal When it was on Police 107 and they destroy them as solid, like that would be an insult. No, way better because they'd say fat sometimes.

No, solid is another name for fat. Solid, no, but it's not as fat as fat. A solid person could just be a unit. Solid build. Solid build is way better than chubby. They caught someone chubby on Police 10-7 once and I was like, you've gone too far. You've gone too far.

They'd say overweight or something like that, right? No, they're obese or fat, and once was described as chubby. I miss the days of the old Police 10-7 with Graham Bell. He'd say chubby little bastard. He'd say chubby mongrel. He'd say chubby mongrel. This ugly little chubby mongrel. Ugly Caucasian mongrel. This ugly little chubby mongrel. Ugly Caucasian mongrel.

I don't know what mine would be. Five foot six. No, this isn't you. I was just back to Graham Bell. Yeah, right. This five foot six short little gnomey looking chubby mongrel. He'd tell it how it was. This embarrassing fat.

Yeah. Someone's received, I'm a cock, and we'll straight up use fat as a description for people. Right. Is that though on the radio to each other? Or maybe radioing it into HQ. Oh, got a fat bugger running away. Put out an APB.

Yeah, right. We're looking for a fatty. Wow. So you want to know what your discerning feature would be? How would they describe you? Oh, like if you've got a big nose, they'd say, you know, like 5 foot 9, big nose. Yes, yeah. Because they're always

chucking on the end. Yeah. Like mine would be 6 foot 2. Wow, hot daddy. 6 foot 2 and a half maybe round it up to 6 foot 3 and a half. No, we're not rounding up, we're rounding down today. 6 foot 2 daddy. No, not daddy. 6 foot 2 white Caucasian male with beard.

Probably. Oh my god, that's every male in his 40s. But a button nose. Oh yeah, no, yours would be button nose. Yours would be button nose. Yeah. Yours would be Swiss looking. Swiss. Athlete build, athletic build.

What time of the year is it? He can look Middle Eastern. In summer when I tan. Yeah, when he tans a lot. I do get a good tan. I do brown up. I've been there when people who are also Middle Eastern

ask Fletch if he is Middle Eastern. It's questionable Caucasian. Yeah. But you could say blue hat regardless of what time of the day, night. Yeah, always wearing a blue hat. Month of the year, he's always wearing a blue hat. Because it's the only hat I regardless of what time of the day, night. Yeah, always wearing a blue hat. Month of the year, he's always wearing a blue hat.

Because it's the only hat I fit and I bought them. And you bought. So now I'm stuck with the blue hats. I've got 50,000 blue hats. You know, another way to ask this is what would a sketch, you know, those comical boardwalk sketch artists, what would they exaggerate about your features? Mine was my nose.

The flick at the end of my nose that goes whoop at the end. The caricature was like I love this. How would the police describe you if they put out an APB for you? This? Because there's a man with a receding hairline in the UK that's upset police are saying he's got a receding hairline. Every time they mention

his description they say he has a receding hairline and he's like please stop making that my please please please. My number one thing. What would your number one thing be? Some messages in and some calls. Let's go to Becky. Becky, what would the police say? Five foot seven, Caucasian,

female, male, unknown gender with an arm full of mushrooms. An arm full of mushrooms? Have we got a boyish girl in our hands here. I'm imagining some sort of fairy gnomish creature with an arm, or do you mean tattoos of mushrooms?

Tattoos full of mushrooms. I thought you were all kind of simply carrying a whole lot of mushrooms. Gender unknown I think is a very great description. I'm on the chase. Gender, I'm too scared to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2024, you know,

I don't want to be the next. And then the police are chasing the other police officer for misgendering. I'm full of mushrooms. Why have you got so many mushroom tattoos? I really enjoy, I love mushrooms, but also love fantasy. Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

I love a lot of fantasy. Right, okay. I'm just scared to keep my entire arm to it. love fantasy. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. I love a lot of fantasy. Right, okay. So I decided to dedicate my entire arm to it. We're playing a spore druid in a game of Dungeons & Dragons or anything, Becky? I am into Dungeons & Dragons.

You should play a spore druid. You should play a spore druid in Mushrooms & Nature. Thanks, Becky. Oh, no, we love Speaky. What was that? A female that wants to show the place Dungeons & Dragons.

Let's go to Wally. Wally, what would the police say if they were after you? Oh, they'd be looking for someone about 5'9", Caucasian, wearing a baseball cap, and he looks like a V-dub with the doors open. Oh, because you've got big ears. Yeah, yeah, that's it. You got it. He looks like a V-dub with the doors open.

I love that. That's so good. That's so good. I've never heard that. Looks like a V-dub with the doors open. I've heard like wingnut as a name for some of the ears. Yeah, yeah, that's the name. That's the name that carries a bit.

Yeah, right. Okay. Well, you know, it doesn't seem to bother you. You seem to be happy with the ears. Great hearing and such. Yeah, yeah. I can hear conversations and know, it doesn't seem to bother you. You seem to be happy with the ears. Great hearing and such. Yeah, I can hear conversations and people can't even know I'm listening. Oh, my God. That would be great because we love a goss, don't we?

Yeah, we love a goss. If you hear any goss, you call us. Wally, thank you. Some messages in. I've got a rather large nose and my colleague often jokes that I don't need an alarm clock in the morning as I can smell the sun coming up. Oh, my God. I don't need an alarm clock in the morning as I can smell the sun coming up. Oh, God. I don't know why.

That's ruthless. That is so mean. Keep your texts coming in. We'll get to more of those next. We're talking about if you were on the run from the police, what would be your distinguishable feature? The one that they would mention in your description. Pink hair.

I just realised what mine would be right now. Oh, yeah. Pink hair. I just realised what mine would be right now. Pink hair. That's the abnormal bit. But you could cut that off or re-dye it in a service station bathroom. I would if I committed a crime. That's what they do in the movies. A man in the UK has asked police to stop calling him a man. With the receding hairline.

Yeah. And we say to him, make the cut. I love that people aren't taking themselves too seriously. I love this. Mine't taking themselves too seriously. I love that. Mine would be five foot six Caucasian blonde with hazel eyes. One of them noticeably bigger than the other. I wonder if they'd mention my cock eye during a smile.

Yeah. Or a cold smile. Maybe that's a cold smile. Cold face. Cold face. What did you message a group chat yesterday? Guys, I just caught myself. I was walking.

We'll talk about it. I went shopping yesterday. I hated every minute of it. Not every minute. Not every minute. I'll give you a little bit of sniff of the highlight of my day. No doubt about that. But I all of a sudden felt my face.

I was like, oh, okay, I'm aware of my face. So I didn't change my facial expression. I took a photo of it. Very cold face. Yeah. You did a cold face. Very cold face in public. Some other ones. I've got, oh, how do I say this one again?

Vitiligo. Vitiligo. So they would say they'd be looking for a five foot seven zebra. That's where your skin loses the pigmentation. Yeah, in different spots. Yeah. A female who looks like a keg on legs and a large, bright-coloured muumuu. They just wear... Always in a muumuu.

Always in a muumuu. Always in a muumuu. They would describe as on the run, 34 years of age, but so short, it's hard to believe she's an adult. 4'11". Yeah. They would say imagine a chubby oompa loompa butt white female.

5'5". White to the point of it almost being transparent. Translucent. Home dye job, witch's chin. What's a witch's chin? Like a pointy... Witch's chin. I feel like we need Christina Aguilera

Beautiful in the background Because everyone's having a laugh I don't want anyone Leaving this feeling bad Yeah and we just changed the words To you are beautiful No matter what the police say Yeah no matter how they describe you

No matter what the cops say You are on the run Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey Play ZM Yesterday after the show And after some meetings and such I thought I better get some clothes for this live show thing we're doing Which I hear is approaching Yeah, tomorrow At Rapid Place

Tomorrow Because you know I've been talking obviously quite a lot about what I'm wearing Yeah And then you guys were like And every time I wear jeans to work and someone comes in, you guys point out to the guests how dirty my pants are, which I found very rude.

Jack Black, mega star. He had the dirtiest pants on. He said it was a party foul because I had some sort of stained jeans on. Very embarrassing. But anyway, my dream has been, as I enter my fat boy era, has been... Which I am loving, by the way.

I just eat what I want. Sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I don't. I'm not drinking during the week, then it's all about balance. Yeah. And gut health. And gut health. Boy, this gut is healthy. So I needed to go shopping.

By the way, I also needed new undies because my undies have gone through that. They've been around for so long, they've started to get little holes in them. Here's a fun game, quick fun game you can play as a dad or a mom or anybody if you're willing. Don't do this in front of children that aren't your own. I walked out of my sleeping undies, which are always your undies that are closest to not being undies anymore, and they had a little hole in the back.

And so I walked out and the girl's like, oh, he's in his undies. Then I walked around the corner from where they were, did a massive fart and ripped my undies and then walked back in pretending I didn't know that my undies were ripped and they were like oh my god your undies ripped, the fart was so big, I was like what what are you talking about? That's so good. And then scuttle

out like oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god and they think it was so powerful so powerful that it ripped the undies Do you not get enough? Great sacrifice ripped the undies. Really good. Great sacrifice of the undies. Do you not get an outlet in the mornings to do your humour? Not physical stuff. No, that's a scare. Apparently it's not enough.

We go home and we entertain the household. There's a point where I think you're just laughing because you're paid to. I've got to go home to people who I know won't laugh unless it's good stuff. Or that without my hardest crowd. Other people that don't. I actually pay them to not be impressed. Okay, right. I love this. And then I try so hard to impress them. So,

I needed to buy new undies. You never buy undies unless they're on special. Oh my god, who buys full price undies? Never, never, never, never. That's crazy. 40% off my particular brand of jockey. Oh, okay. At Farmers. Yes. That's a free plug.

I got my Chub Rub shorts. I got five pairs. He only charged me for four. Don't tell him. Keep that quiet. Already, I am off to a roaring start at shopping. You just literally said where you bought them from, and he said, don't tell him.

His fault, not mine. They're going to come after you. No, they're not. They just got a free plug. That's worth 25 pair of undies. I reckon Farmers can afford one pair of jockeys. Everyone's going to go, you. No, they're not. They just got a free plug. That's worth 25 pair of undies. I'm sure farmers can afford one pair of jockers. His fault, not mine. So now I am 40% and a free pair.

Okay, you're doing well for yourself. I'm doing well for shopping so far. Okay. Then I wanted... Wait, are you by yourself? Your wife's not with you? No, I'm by myself. Amazing.

And then I move quicker around the wall, and I'm just like... My wife's just like, are you working out? Yeah, kind of. I'm like, yeah, I'll take that. Do it. Let's buy those rings. Sweet, guess I'm just like, my watch is like, are you working out? You're like, kind of. I'm like, yeah, I'll take that. Let's close those rings. Sweet, guess I'm not going to the gym today.

Hoon around, absolutely no need. I'm hooning around shopping. So then I went and got two, I walked in and I was literally like, those two t-shirts, bang, they were on special as well. So I got them, I'm out the door. Now I'm on the hunt for my dungarees. Yes, because this is part of your fat boy era.

Fat boy era, my dungarees. You, because this is part of your fat boy era. Fat boy era, my dungarees. You want to slap around in a pair of dungos. Yeah, and I've never worn dungarees before, so I might try them on. That might be a horrible experience that I don't enjoy. You don't know until you try it. Don't knock it until you try it. Don't want it grabbing in the crotch.

Because I've said to you for a long time you need dungarees. Yes, I think it's on brand for you. Like you're always pondering around the farm left, getting your nice jeans dirty. Oh, no, well, yes, that's true. That is true. So I go to your general sort of places that have pants of this nature. By the way, I got flirted with something.

I wasn't going to mention it. I got flirted with something chronic yesterday. One of the shows. Mention it to us. Because I was like, I'm quite a bit older than you. And I was like, I almost put my hands up and backed away. Just been like, hey, no confusion here. No confusion.

Yeah. But they just kept walking towards me. No, see, what you're doing is doing that thing that, and you're entering the middle-aged white guy stage of your life. Yeah. Is where middle-aged white guy stage of your life is where middle-aged... Ask Shannon. Middle-aged white men confuse good customer service with flirting.

Oh, no. She knows that one sale. It just kept coming and there was smart and there was close and I was like... They're on commission. They're on commission. Well, they didn't sell me anything. But they were still very, very nice

and then they were like suggesting other shops to go to and stuff. They're not getting a commission from the other shops. We've got a hotty in our hands. Okay, sounds like I think I should like the energy

where I walked in and I was just like dungarees, you got them? Like that was my approach to it. Shannon's just saying that happened a lot. Did you ever work

retail, Shannon? Or just hospo? Just hospo, but yeah, going for tips and commission for them, I'm sure. Yeah, you're not getting a tip out of this guy.

I misread that room horrendously. They really did. I was like, dungarees, and they're like, over there, and I'm like, hooray, finally dungarees. But they were purple. I was like, I'm not wearing purple dungarees. And she said, we've just actually shipped our ones into like an outlet store.

Oh yeah? So I was like, cool beans, into like an outlet store. Oh, yeah. So I was like, cool beans. Where's the outlet store? She was like, 15 minutes that way. I was like, I only shop once every two years. I'm just going to get this done and then I'm going to be good for another two years, I reckon. By the way, I'm rocking discounted T-shirts

and one pair of friandes on a 40% discount. You're doing so well. So, so far shopping's going well. Going back to the purple dungarees, what is the market for purple dungarees? Lesbians. I think funky les dungarees? Lesbians. I think funky lesbians. Funky lesbians.

Eccentric funky lesbians. Then I'm off to the outlet store. Okay. And I get to the outlet store. It looks like a bomb site. You know how outlet stores always just be like, do I own these jeans? Nah.

What am I going to do with them? Throw them in the ceiling fan. Yeah. It's just like this explosion of denim. Yeah. And I say, I was seeing her, I believe you've got dungarees. And he almost was just like, yeah, good luck, my dude. Here's a treasure map.

Yeah, yeah. This pile of denim. Pack water. So I went and I found some and I was like, these look all right. And I took them into the changing room. Then when I was in the changing room, I was like overwhelmed with this like smell of curry.

And I was like, has someone spilled a curry? Oh, not at the changing rooms. So I try on the dungarees. I send you guys a photo. We approved. Everybody approves of the dungarees. I gave it a heart. I think I said love it.

I would have liked a darker colour, but... Me too. I would have gone darker. You could dye them. I could dye them. You could dye them, yeah. So I'm like, these rule. And then I walk out and there's a sign that says 60% off

if you buy a second pair. Hell yeah. So I'm like, well, I kind of need a new pair of jeans because everyone keeps telling Jack Black that I've got dirty pants. So I get a new pair of jeans. Wearing them right now. It's so good that our bullying works. Bullying does work.

Bullying works. That's the show smoking. So then I walk out and then I see where the smell of curry is from. One of the employees has just decided she's going to have lunch in the middle of the shop. She's going to have a curry. So now there's just this tornado of denim everywhere and someone's just showing up in the shop

leaning on top of, you know those shelves in clothing stores and the racks are like chest height and then there's a shelf on top. They might plop some more on top. She's just like swept some stuff at the top. She's eating her curry on the top. In the shop. In the shop, my queen. No, you're going to leave.

You know the smell of curry. It's delicious. But not in a shop. Not in a shop. I feel like, and that would permeate through the denim maybe for a little bit afterwards. It stains the clothes. I feel like she may have even picked up some denim

and wiped her mouth with it. What a mess of a store. Post-apocalyptic denim explosion. So then I'm like, well, I don't shop once every two years. How much are these going to cost me? And he scanned it and he said $100. And I was like, that can't be right for a pair of dungarees and a pair of jeans. But I'm not telling any shop assistant today that I think I'm getting a good deal.

Yeah. So I put that in the bag. So here we are at five pairs of undies, a pair of jeans, good brand. Won't say because I don't want them coming to me about the explosion in their shop with their outlet and their curry eating employee. Good brand. Won't say because I don't want them coming to me about the explosion in their shop at their outlet and their curry eating employee. Yeah. Good brand. Pair of jeans.

Fresh pair of dungarees that my wife hates so that you can't put money on that. You can't put a value on putting something on in front of your wife and she goes, are you serious? Are you going to wear these in front of? I'm going to wear these in the live show. No, I approve them fashion to passion. So pair of jeans, pair of dungarees, both brand new, good brand, five pairs of undies, two t-shirts, under $200.

Unreal. Men are just better at shopping. No, I bought a dress the other day. Yeah, and a dress the day before, and a dress the day before, and it was free last week, and for a jacket that cost you a small mortgage. It's got buttons, and so you could undo the buttons. Now you've got a shacket. So that makes it 500 a...

That's 500 a button. A button. There's eight of those, so go on, go on, man. Well, you can see the dungarees at the live show. Now, speaking of the live show, next we've got some announcements. Our opening acts, the comedians. Let's share some info. The cool little extras we've got some announcements. Our opening acts, the comedians. Let's share some info. The cool little extras

we've got for our audience. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Live. We're live on air and tomorrow we'll be live in person at the Civic Theatre in Auckland

for Fletchvorn and Hayley Live. Tickets are still available if you want to come and sit up the top, still great seats. It's going to be a fun time. You can come meet us afterwards. Ticketmaster for those.

Now there are, this morning I'm told, a couple of production seats that were held that will be released for Christchurch if you have missed out. So keep an eye out this morning on our socials or just scan the website for those tickets. Stay sniffing around. Now, this is the sort of theme, I guess, over the next two shows

is celebrating Fletch and Vaughan in their 20-year anniversary, which is tomorrow. Uh-huh. 20 years of broadcasting together, of brotherhood, of friendship, of manhood, and it's going to be a great time. But it's not just us. We've got treats as well. So tomorrow night in Auckland, opening the show for us

and doing a great set before we come on, warming you up, is award-winning comedian Eli Mathewson. Yeah, very funny. He opened for us when we did our show last year. He's on Seven Days Tonight. And one of the other comedians in the room Called him the best joke writer in New Zealand And I would stand by that

He's so smart, so funny So he's opening for us Oh my god That's so embarrassing After 20 years silencing a woman To those that celebrate To those that celebrate Bit of a kick in the teeth to be called the best joke writer,

not just the best joke teller as well. Best comedian, yeah, yeah. Hey, man, you write a good joke. What about how I tell them? But the way they're crafted and the words on the paper is great. The words are great. And when I read your jokes right now. No, it's a compliment.

It's a compliment. He's a very funny man. And then we go to Christchurch on Saturday. Should we head out, my cousin cousin for a ride in the tram? He drives trams. Does he? His tram's one of the nice trams. My Uncle Murray put a photo up.

Can I do the bell? Well, I don't know. Get in line because I'm cousin. So surely I have bell priorities. Right. Okay. Well, opening for us in Christchurch is another friend of mine, actually. It pays to be friends with me.

Tessa Waters, who is an amazing, she has won like every award imaginable. She's like a fringe festival. Nobel Peace Prize. Nobel Peace Prize. Grammy. Grammy. She's an EGOT. She's got it all.

Fantastic comedian. Like, she's just got the wildest sense of humour. She's opening for us. Yeah. So that's exciting. You get to see a couple of comedians. Then we'll be on for a bit. Then we'll tottle off.

You'll tottle off for a wee-wee's and a drinky poo. An intermission. Yeah. You'll come back. And then we'vewee's and a drinky poo. An intermission. Yeah. You'll come back. And then we've got a musical performance from Cassie Henderson. Yes. Who sings, whatever. Do-do-do-do-do.

But she's also. That's exactly how she sings it. That's exactly how it sounds. That's exactly how it sounds. Exactly. And then she's going to sing a few of our favourite songs from over there. It's like a little medley. You know we've made requests.

We've made some requests here. So excited to have her as part of the show. That's right. Bit of extra entertainment. And then what else, Fletch? What else, Fletch? Well, we didn't make a body lotion, but there is some merch. Yeah.

We made a T-shirt. We made a T-shirt, and we're also selling our tea towels that we had last time that has sort of like some of our key moments, I guess, catchphrases of the show. And I think you can jump on our socials. To see those. Right now, I've got the thumbs up from Shannon to see the t-shirts.

They're very cool. Like I'm genuinely excited. And they're limited numbers as well. Yeah. Exciting. You want to get your hands on it. Tickets for the Auckland show is still available, as we said, Ticketmaster.

And keep an eye out for the last remaining tickets in Christchurch. A couple of releases this morning. Little sprinkles. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the Day. Things are named what they shouldn't be named because it's an incorrect name for the thing.

Misnomer. Misnomer. Today, Chinese checkers. Okay. Shouldn't be called Chinese checkers because invented in Germany. Germany's checkers. Germany's. It doesn't work.

Germany's checkers. Germany's checkers doesn't work. And it works because of Chinese checkers. It would be Germany's checkers. It's alliteration. Yeah. It's good alliteration. German checkers.

Sternholmer was the name of the game invented in Germany in 1892. It basically is Stern Star in German. And Holmer was what the game was based on, kind of like a checkers. Yeah. And so it's called Star Checkers because of the shape of the star on the board. But when it came to America in 1928, I originally thought this might have been a World War II thing. Because remember in World War II, anything with a German name,

like a German shepherd, they said, we can't call them that anymore, the dogs. Yeah. Nothing with German in the titles getting through. Sauerkraut was called liberation cabbage or something like that. Good for your gut health. Great. Liberates the gut.

Liberates the gut. Liberates the gut. Spreads a little gut democracy. Yeah. Does it? Yeah. Okay. So it was called Chinese Checkers by a marketing,

in a marketing scheme to make it seem like exotic and exciting and a game of the land of the Orient. I see. Chinese Checkers. What did China have to say about it at the time? These are not our checkers. I don't think they were in too much of a spot to really argue too much about it. Yeah, they were just like, oh, well, we'll take it.

Chinese checkers. We'll take it. Hop Ching checkers was the other name that they tried to get off the ground, but people weren't because they hop. Oh. It was in this game of Chinese checkers. Do you know what they had to play, Chinese checkers?

Yeah, we used to have a board. You got holes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with little pegs, right? And you hop out into the middle, you're hopping everybody. Six people can play or three people control two segments. Two, three, four, five, six. So you hop because of the hop

and in the middle was a little bit, well you wouldn't call it this these days would you? No you wouldn't. So it rebranded to Chinese checkers even though it had nothing to do with China. In China it's called the jump game. Okay. And in Japan it's called the jump game. Okay. And in Japan, it's called the diamond game.

All right. So everyone's got their own. Everyone's got their own. Well, New Zealand, we should make our own because we call it Chinese checkers. Kiwi checkers. Yeah. Kiwi checkers, yeah. Kiwi jumpers.

Hop. Chur checkers. Hop, skip and Kiwi. Chur checkers. The chur checkers. Yeah. Love that. Chur checkers.

Give it a complete rebrand. So today's homonym for the homonym week here at Fact of the Day is that two checkers. Give it a complete rebrand. So today's homonym for the homonym week here at Fact of the Day is that Chinese checkers weren't invented in China and probably shouldn't be called Chinese checkers. Fact of the day, day, day, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM.

Yesterday while walking back from the bathroom through the kitchen that everybody here at ZM uses to heat things, make coffees, et cetera, I came across what can only be described as a porridge explosion. I know. We saw this too, moments later. It was that porridge explosion where it's not just the little bits dribbled over the edge of the bowl. We've got very shallow

bowls here. Shallow bowls? The bowls are too shallow. Get Bogsy on the phone, actually. Next time there's one of those feedback forms. I'm writing down shallow bowls. Yeah, shallow bowls bowls. I'm writing down shallow bowls. Yeah, shallow bowls. Because I miss the big tall bowls. Yeah, the bowls are too shallow.

Big fat soup bowl. Yeah, I want a big fat bowl. I wouldn't even say this bowl's complementary to cereal. No. Carrying it back to your desk if you've got milk. No. Willy nilly. It's a good serving of chips for a small child.

That's about it. Yeah. That's it. That's about it. Yeah. That's it. That's about it. This explosion had gone over the bowl, down all sides of the bowl, crept out like some sort of slime creature to the edge of the glass dish that sits in a microwave and rotates slowly. And dealing with that absolute kerfuffle of porridge

was Amelia from The Office. Good morning. Good morning, everyone. Come right in. Come right in. Is this better? There she is. There she is.

We saw this and you were dealing with such shame. I said, what the hell is going on here? And your first line of defence was? I didn't grow up with a microwave. She didn't grow up with a microwave. Why did you not grow up with a microwave? Mum thought it nuked our nice organic food. Oh, you've got hippie parents.

I met your mum the other day. And I said to you when you said I grew up with a microwave, I said your mother struck me as a very well-to-do lady, but not a hippie well-to-do lady, like a tennis club. Like, right, like, hello, darling. Hello, darling. Because my mother made me a platter after school. No, I think she just, like, hello darling. Hello darling. Because my mother made me a platter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think she just like, really

likes to look nice and she loves fashion. How old is your mum? Probably closer to my age. No. My mum is actually, oh babe, for her age, she's 62, but she'd hate that I said that. Oh my god, don't be ashamed. She's 62.

Oh wow. She's keeping it tight. It's the organic food. It's the microwave. There's no microwaving the food. I'm sad that I've fallen off the bone because of my microwave. Is that why my boobies are dropping? Because of the microwave.

Because of the microwave food as a kid. Yep. Oh, for God's sake, Patsy. So you grew up on organic food? Yeah. Must be nice. Oh, but it has backfired because now I love a treat. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can I ask, because you were making this porridge, but it has backfired because now I love a treat yes yeah can I ask because you were making this porridge because Fletch and I came moments later it was bougie porridge too it wasn't just a sachet

it was organic but you were dealing with it because there were no paper towels so you were just like dealing with your secret shame like a dog that shat itself and you rub their nose in it yeah

you were doing that like how long had you microwaved this? Because it had literally exploded so bad. I know the answer to this. Wait for it. How long? With milk.

50 seconds. With milk? Okay, can I just say that it said this on the packet, which I would, sorry, I'm going to read the packet. She's a rule follower. Yeah. Two minutes. That's so long.

Oh, that's too long for porridge. Two minutes. How am I supposed to know? In a shallow bowl. In a shallow bowl. You could cook a chicken breast in the microwave in two minutes. That's so long. Oh, that's too long for porridge. Two minutes in a shallow bowl. In a shallow bowl. You could cook a chicken breast in the microwave in two minutes. Not a bloody heat up a cereal. From a kid who grew up. My mum used to cook a whole chicken in the microwave.

I tell you what, that was definitely not organic too. That chicken was pumped full of antibiotics in a small cage. Barely fit in the microwave. And it lived to thump it in the microwave. One wing was always in the door. And she would to thump it in the microwave. One wing was always in the door. And she would just kick the door shut. Get in your bus!

And just like, shoo! I'm going to slam. And then it was in there for like an hour. Two minutes. Yeah, that's too long. So you weren't the only one that grew up without a microwave. Producer Shannon, you also grew up without a microwave. Yeah, happy parents.

Yeah, you've got happy dippy parents. Yeah, we just didn't have one, and I didn't know they were good, because you don't know what you don't know. And then I went to uni, and I was like, this is life changing. This rules. Yeah, dude. Everything I ate just zapped it.

Even if it needed to be cold, chuck it in for 10. Chuck it in for 10. I love it. 10 seconds or 10 minutes? Oh, whatever. Either or, one of the 10s. Amazing. One of the 10s. I love this. Well, with this Either or, one of the tens. Amazing. I love this.

Well, with this, we wanted to ask the question this morning. Is there something that you... Can we just quickly check? Did you get to eat any of the cereal? Yeah, because I kind of slopped it off the microwave. No, no, no. The microwave went back into the bowl, Amelia. You love the race.

Do you want organic food? And now you're eating the trash? Bench slop. You're eating bench trash. Oh, yuck, that's grim. She's a hungry girl. Some banana and some coconut yoghurt. Your mother was angry when you told the nation that she's 62.

She's even more livid now that her daughter that she raised right is eating bench trash. This is what happens when you're brought up without something. And we want to ask this question this morning. Did you grow up without something, like without a microwave or without a TV? Because there was one family at school that didn't have a TV. Yeah. Yeah.

And I guess now there might be even kids that are raised without like iPads, iPads and phones. I grew up without Barker's pants and a starter jacket. Same! I never had Barker's pants. Me neither. We had Barker's pants and a starter jacket. Same! I never had Barker's pants. We had Barker's pants. You had Barker's. We got Barker's.

Yeah, man, I grew up in Eastport. You live further away from the Barker's than anybody. Yeah, I know, but Patsy, you know Patsy.

Private schoolgirl. She's keeping up with the bloody Joneses. Amy, did you have Barker's? Wait a minute, she wasn't born until 2003. So she's like, she probably thinks

she's talking about the jam. Barker's the juice. The juice. People of Geraldine. Oh yeah, we she's talking about the jam. Bark is the juice. The juice. People of Geraldine. Oh yeah, we had that because it was organic. It passed the test. Yeah, 0800DARLSATM

is the number. We want you to text in 9696. What did you grow up without? We want to know what you grew up without. Yeah, Amanda in the office absolutely just exploded a bowl of porridge.

Granted, shallow bowls. We've got shallow bowls. She didn't grow up with a microwave. Producer Shannon also didn't grow up without a bowl of porridge. Granted, shallow bowls. We've got shallow bowls. She didn't grow up with a microwave. Producer Shannon also didn't grow up without a microwave. Yeah. I mean, they're pretty safe, right? Like, the world's been using microwaves for the last 30 years. The microwave, 40 years?

30 years. Do you remember the urban legend of the person that kept opening it before it got to the doot-doot-doot? Because the old story of the doot-dootot doot was all the nuclear energy being taken away. And it melted their hand off eventually after doing it for years. That was a great urban legend. It started selling in the bloody late 40s, early 50s. We were all good.

But I feel like they were a big thing in the 80s. They used to cook steak in them, my friends. That's the grossest thing I've ever heard. So we want to know what you grew up without. Was it a microwave or something else? Louisa, what did you grow up without? Hi. First of all, long-time listener, first-time caller.

Oh, yes. Welcome to the show, Louisa. Welcome, welcome. Thank you. I grew up without a TV. Oh, wow. Interesting. And so was this your parents,

they just didn't want you seeing like all the, I don't know, the smart and the violence on the screen? I think what happened, I think when we were little kids, when I was up to about the age of four, we had a TV apparently. I remember watching Sesame Street when I was real little. But

I grew up on a farm, my dad's a farmer. He was finding, he was just sitting, you know, he'd be exhausted at night. He'd watch TV way too late, have to get up early. So mum and dad just decided to get rid of the TV. So we never had a TV. So this would have been like pre-smartphones and the movement to, you know, put the screens down. Yeah, for sure. So we were just farm kids kicking around outside, reading books.

When you went to your friend's place and they had a TV, did all you want to do was watch TV? Yeah, pretty fair. My nana had one of those tiny little 14-inch TVs, you know, the real thick ones. And during the school holidays, if she came to look after us, she'd bring a TV. We were glued to that screen for sure.

She wouldn't have been missing out on the news. Oh, yeah. She'd go home, she'd take her TV, and we were all depressed for about three days. Yeah, and then you'd get over it, and you'd just be back outside. So how are you now with phones and technology and screens and stuff?

Yeah, pretty not into it, to be fair. Like, we've got kids, we've got a TV, like our house has got smart TVs and stuff, but they might watch maybe an hour a week in the weekend or something. Holy shollies. They've got to do something to earn their 15 minutes of TV time.

Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that. I need to be able to put a password on my television on my computer. More to take my father-in-law off it than my kids. Yeah. Louisa, thank you.

Let's go to Kate. Kate, what did you grow up without? I grew up without a Cabbage Patch Kid. Oh, my God, my darling, my darling. What? What? Yeah. That is not fair.

Back to the 80s and I'm still not over it. No, of course. Does it help if I say that I had two? Did you have a fake one, like without the birth certificate, or just no Cabbage Patch doll at all? No, it was a travesty because at my 21st, my parents decided to give me a Cabbage Patch kid after all of those years.

Better late than never. God, you went on about it that much. No, no, no. It was a secondhand one. It didn't come with a name like Bethany Rose. It didn't come with adoption papers. What's the point? It wasn't in its box.

So it was almost like it had been trafficked across the borders illegally. Yeah. Child trafficking. Cabbage trafficking, they call it. I can't believe you were... The whole point was to have the adoption papers. Yes. You knew its name and its birthday.

Yes. At this stage, would it be all right to name and shame your parents? Maybe their first names and then whereabouts in New Zealand they live? We're in Christchurch and my mum thought they were ugly. They were never ugly. They were adorable.

Yeah, they were the cutest things. I loved mine. Kate, thanks for sharing. Keep your texts coming in. We'll get to more of those next. 9696 and 0800DARLS at M. What did you not grow up with as a kid?

We're talking about what you grew up without. Yeah. Amelia in the office grew up without a microwave. Producer Shannon, it turns out, also grew up without a microwave. Their parents did not trust radio waves to heat their food.

Ironically, now they both work in radio. Yeah, and they're getting radio waves every day through them. Some messages in, I grew up without a dad, and it shows XOXO winky face. Now, am I being flirted with? Does somebody have daddy issues and they're looking at me to solve them? That's exactly what you're looking at. That's what it feels like.

Am I misreading the situation? No, you're reading it correctly. I grew up without real Lego. We had fake Lego. We had Taro. That was New Zealand made. Did you know that? It was a New Zealand company.

Do you know what? It was better because you got a massive bucket of it and you could build so much more. And when you bit it, it didn't hurt your teeth because it was softer. Why are you eating it? To bite it to get it apart. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. We had lotto.

We had lotto. Lego. You had lotto Lego. You actually had a butler to build your little houses. And he was Danish. We just told him what we wanted. Yeah. And a castle like the one I live in, Jones.

I grew up without a microwave. Then when I had one, when I first went flatting, I decided to boil an egg and I thought, well, you boil it on a stove for 10 minutes. So I boiled it in the microwave for 10 minutes and it exploded. 10 minutes? You're lucky it didn't explode on you. No, they said they put it in water.

Oh, right. Because that's, sometimes it's when it cools down that it pops. So to make the door open, it'll explode in your face. I grew up without Barbie. I only had her lame cousin, Cindy. Oh, Cindy. Cindy was who? Cindy was dumb.

Cindy was lame. I grew up, I wasn't allowed to watch this. I grew up without The Simpsons. I never learned to do The Bartman. It's never too late to learn to do The Bartman. The Simpsons? What was that about? It's not even bad.

I wasn't allowed to watch it. No, I wasn't allowed to watch it when it first came out. Because I think it was a cartoon, so everyone was using the cartoon being... Yeah. Chuckles McGee. And then Marilyn Manson was evil. The Ninja Turtles were beating the hell out of people. Yeah.

But that was all right. Get into that violence. Just no innuendo. I grew up without a dishwasher. My parents still don't have a dishwasher. My parents don't have a dishwasher. We didn't have one. Yeah, same. I didn't have a dishwasher for ages. They weren't have a dishwasher. My parents don't have a dishwasher. We didn't have one. Yeah, same.

I didn't have a dishwasher for ages. They weren't really a thing. It's called your father. Why? I thought he married him. That's what my granddad always said. It was a secret to a happy marriage is doing the dishes together. Really?

Who was drying, though? Because drying is always better. Nan washed. Gangie dried. Actually, no, I'd rather wash because then they have to put away, right? Nah, because here's the best part about drying. If you just, sometimes without any reason, you can just throw a plate back in the sink

and be like, not clean. That's what you do. Even though it was clean. Yeah, but do your job right the first time, you know? Yeah, wash properly. No, sometimes I'll throw a clean plate because my brother would do it so quickly and I'd be stuck drying and putting away,

which was a rip off you shouldn't have to put away if you're drying there should be a third sibling what was Michelle doing all this time sweet shit all

she's the girl but she can't be trusted she would have dropped plates she would have dropped them and it was dry and stuff she's the food

you would just chuck them back in and be like that's not clean I grew up without soft drinks or sweets oh my god does that make you

though now have a lot more than you should? Do you reckon? Yeah, I think that backfires. Yeah. When you get something's held from you your whole childhood, then you go crazy with it. On our toaster, there was no cancel button. I grew up with a toaster with no cancel button.

You had to dig it out with a fork. No, you didn't. No, you don't. You definitely don't do that. You definitely don't do that. That's what you do not do. I grew up without a toothbrush. Tentists love me now. No, you don't. You definitely don't do that. You definitely don't do that. That's what you do not do. I grew up without a toothbrush. Tentists love me now.

Yeah, I bet they do. I bet they love you seeing you. My work colleague grew up without ever owning a pair of gumboots. Yeah, well, if you live in the city, you don't need gumboots for them. What do you wear on your feet when it's raining outside? No, they get wet. You get cold feet. I don't know.

Someone said, I grew up without watching the Teletubbies. They don't speak English, and I was having trouble with my speech when I was younger, so I don't know. Someone said, I grew up without watching the Teletubbies. They don't speak English, and I was having trouble with my speech when I was younger, so I wasn't allowed to watch it. In case you were like, ah, hello. No, no, no, say hello. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Oh, no, we should have never let her watch it. All right, that's our show today. We'll be back tomorrow with our special 20th anniversary show. Tomorrow is the day. And if you live in Auckland, you can still get tickets to come see us live tomorrow night at Civic Theatre.

Yeah. And if you're in Christchurch, we are going to have a sprinkling. We're releasing the last little crumbs of tickets, so keep an eye out on our socials. Yeah, it's like a production release. Yeah, you hold them

in case you need them and then when you don't need them a day out or two, you let them go. You let them fly to the right person. That could be you. Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back? Yes.

Let's do that with this podcast. Oh, yeah. Review it five stars. Tell your friends and we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything. But where are you giving me my five stars? Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes.

If you give us five stars on this podcast, tell us where you would like your review and we'll review. We won't even go. We'll just review your thing. I don't want people to know

where my restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants. Oh, I was going to say that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work.