ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 4th August 2023

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Trudeau's Tinder  Rhys Nicholson!  Final Rankings!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. I tell you what, I scooted past that cordoned off Queen Street this morning. Did you have a little nosy? Well, a little nosy, but there wasn't much to see. You were just returning to the scene of the crime.

So I was fast asleep when whatever happened, happened. Gun stuff. I tell you what though, yeah, they had the little numbers next to a whole lot of stuff on the ground. There were scooters, rubbish strewn everywhere. So I don't know what, but definitely, I mean, yeah, it doesn't look good. They had the little numbers next to all the evidence. The Herald's doing sort of ongoing updates.

But yeah, nothing yet. Nothing out from the police who will release a statement later, I guess. But that's kind of, someone must have died by the looks of it. Feels like it. Wild West out there, guys. Go you to it, Negative A. You see a crime scene with some blood and some

numbers out. He just assumed the worst. He assumed the worst. Well, I thought it was another ram raid because they always happen overnight and then they cordon it off and gotcha.

The old ram raids. Yeah. They've slowed down a bit. Do you know what they have haven't they? Or do you just think the media got sick of covering them?

Nah, it's the next school holidays they'll pick up again. Yeah. A lot of bollards, probably. Coming up on the show are the top six. Justin Trudeau, Canadian Prime Minister, single. Yeah.

He's separating from his wife. Wouldn't you just be like, let's just wait until we're not in office? Yeah. Yeah, please. You can go live somewhere. You can go take a lover, but just, can you just, I don't want the drama.

Maybe. We don't want no drama. No drama. No drama. Drama, drama. No, no drama. We don't want no drama. Maybe he just wants to get out there at the next, you know, G8 meeting and just absolutely,

you know, pwn it up. Is that what the kids are saying? I think we're pwning it up, yeah. I think we're pwning it up. He wants to get out there and pwn it up. Well, I don't know if the G8 summit is where you put it up. There'll be some hotties there. Yeah, there's some hotties.

And he's one of them. Not for me. Way too clean. Really? Like, way too clean cut. Oh, no, he's not for me at all. Yeah, but the girlies yesterday in the office were, were you happy with the Justin?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Carwin's nodding. Nodding and grinning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Justin Trudeau. She's got daddy stuff. Right.

Oh, Carwin. Hey. She's got daddy stuff. She's got daddy stuff. All right. I'll tell one. She's got daddy stuff. She's got daddy stuff going on. That's what she looks for in a partner. Daddy. I think Warren's in trouble now. No, she's laughing. We laugh.

We laugh. Well, the top six dealing with the Justin Trudeau breakup. Yeah, we're going to write him a Tinder bio from a guy who's never written a Tinder bio. It's pretty easy. It's pretty straightforward. Yeah, the top six things I'd put in Justin Tr write him a Tinder bio from a guy who's never written a Tinder bio. It's pretty easy. It's pretty straightforward. Yeah, the top six things I'd put in Justin Trudeau's Tinder bio. Next on the show.

If you are listening right now and you are sucking in your guts, let it out. Always. Let it out. It's not good for us. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I reckon we all do this. We just suck in our guts just almost all day long.

Like if you take a photo of someone, suck in your guts. Suck in your guts. I'm doing it now and it's just like a bad habit I learned. Why are you sucking in your guts now? I don't know. It's just literally muscle memory. And I think as well because I've always got like IBS and so I'm always bloating.

I'm always like just like holding it back a bit. And then I get home and I'm like, I'm just going to let it out. I reckon there's one. Let it out, let it out, let it out. But I don't even know if I'm actively doing it. When you're sitting down, it's hard to work out. No, I'd only do it, say, if you were taking a photo

or maybe you saw someone and you were just like, quick, suck it in. I always suck it in. It's really bad for us. So doctors are saying, sorry, let me put my mic on my phone. But doctors are saying, like, you can create this thing that they're calling hourglass syndrome. Now, ladies, we hear that and we're like, yes, please, yes, please. You're thinking we're getting cinched in here on the sides.

Out at the hips, itty bitty waist. It's stunning. The Marilyn Monroe. It's stunning. The Marilyn Monroe. It's not. It creates like in the bit under your bottom rib, it creates these like lines that could come permanent. When you suck in it, it's like, this is the muscle you're tensing.

It's that like top rib under the, sorry, the top abdomen, abdominal muscle under the rib. And it can create imbalance in the muscles and creates this, like, line. Not an ab line. Not an ab line. And not a cute little, like, side oblique line like a... What are you talking about?

A wrinkle or, like, an actual muscle line? Like a dimple. No, like a line. Like dimpling. Who cares? I've got a T-shirt on 99% of the time. Like, you've got to suck your guts in. Could it be mistaken for an ab line?

So, no, there was a woman who had been doing it for such a long time. Oh, my God. So she's got a bit, like most ladies, got a bit of, like, softness on her belly. But it's created these, like, hard divots right under the ribs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, those things. And they become permanent. Yeah, you can't get rid of them. I was just trying to look under the ribs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, those things. And they become permanent. Yeah, you can't get rid of them. I was just trying to look in the mirror.

Because you keep sucking in your guts. I suck in my guts so much. I remember swimming at school, you'd suck in your guts for the whole time, but that's what it looked like. It looked like you were sucking in your guts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it creates that. And if you do it too long,

basically you're doing an ab crunch, but only on one bit of the muscle. Yeah, right. So then you do it too long, basically you're doing an ab crunch, but only on one bit of the muscle. Yeah, right. So then you create a total imbalance, and those are so much stronger than the rest of your muscles that it creates kind of a strange look. And also it's really bad for you. I remember when I went to breathing therapy.

Why did you go to breathing therapy? Because I breathe too fast, and it makes my body think that i'm panicking okay i didn't even know that was a thing but okay great yeah i breathe way too fast and then your body's like what are we running from a lion let's go and then it puts it through stress anyway i went to class and um she was like do you hold on your stomach i was like day like 20 hours a day, I reckon. Even when I sleep, I reckon I'm holding it in. And it's bad because you've got to breathe all the way down to your belly,

but if you're clenching it, there's no room for it to expand. Right. She was like, very bad for you. It can create anxiety that's not even there. Right. Yeah. Let your stomach down. Because it's like, what is it?

What is the thing that causes the stress that's in your... Cortisol. Cortisol. Yeah. So your body like... If you're doing that, it thinks there's a lion coming. It's literally like back to cavemen. But we don't have lions here.

I know, but your body's so dumb. It literally thinks that we've just created the wheel. And then it's like, you must be panicking because there's a lion here. Get ready. And it puts it into fight or flight and your cortisol levels rise. But it's just a group of people coming that walking past you want to

suck your guts in. Don't suck your guts in. Let it out. Next on the show, silly little poll. Do you offset your carbon emissions when booking a flight? It turns out a lot of us do not care about the environment. We don't care. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn

and Hayley. Today's Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Today's Silly Little Pole. When you're booking a flight, do you click that little button to offset your flight with, you know, your carbon emissions? Yeah. And you give them a couple of dollars. Yeah, usually between like $1.80 and $3.20. And God knows where that goes.

But you feel good. You get a warm little feeling. You're like, oh, I'm saving the planet. Now, we talked about this yesterday. Yesterday or something? Yeah, because Kiwis are bad. Yeah, but we were saying, like, we don't even know where it goes. Like, how do you know what it's actually doing?

Air New Zealand has, like, a thing. You can go online, and it's about sustainability and where that money goes. Apparently, because a lot of people were texting in. Yeah, somebody messaged in. Saying like, this is where it goes. But I'm like, yeah, the carbon offset, it's like the emissions are still going into the air. Money doesn't put a

bubble around the plane. Do you know what makes me think about emissions? Driving to work the last couple of mornings have been really cold. And so stopping at the traffic lights up the road here, when a car is sitting there idling, you actually see how much comes out of a car because it's warmer. And I know that's warm

air, but you don't see it normally. No, we just, unless you've got one of those real old cars and it's black and you're like, jeepers. And that always makes me on a cold morning, I'm like, weesh. A lot's coming out of every car. You're admitting every day on the way to work.

And we're a tiny little country. Oh, we've got nothing. On a six lane, when we were in LA, the freeway or whatever it's called, was six lanes each way and standstill traffic. So 12 lanes packed.. Packed with... Wait, but hang on a sec. If they make more roads and even wider roads,

I thought that was going to make things better. No further questions from the mouthpiece of the left, please. What we want to do is run a four-lane highway from Whangarei to Tauranga. Vote for us. Oh, God. Won't they just fill up? Yeah, they will make more, baby.

Guys, we asked you, do you carbon offset your flights? 92% said no. Meaning only 8% of us are clicking that little. And I say us because I always click. Do you? Do you really? 50% of the time, I might click. Okay.

Should we do some feedback? I'm going to be asking for receipts soon. Do you want me to do feedback, Vaughan? You've got a bit of a stuffy... Yeah, I can do it. Have you got a lozenge on? I do have a lozenge on. Do you need a lemon money?

I just earned a lozenge. Did you do a sleep lozenge? Oh, no. Don't go the Vixx. Go the Manuka ones. Oh, I'm sorry. No, he always has those. It's weird. We're not all cash money. No, he always has those.

It's weird. We're not all cashed up. Some of us have got a straight story. You get a big pack from like where? Yeah, the Convita ones. Yeah, those were all good. Those are awesome. I'm fresh out because the kids have had colds and they are like, they're the only ones that are late.

Well, don't give them to the kids. They're the only ones that are late. Well, give the kids the shit ones. No, they won't eat the shit ones. Well, then just tell them to suffer. Oh, no way. Do you know what it's like to be in a house full of people where it's constantly like... Oh, God.

God damn it. I love not having kids. Oh, my God. It's so cool. It's so cool. Yesterday, we had meat patties in the fridge and salad, and we were like, nah, let's go to the pub. We went to the pub. We had burgers.

Wild. You can't do that with kids. You can't do that with kids. It's just twice as expensive. God, thank God, you know, I don't have teenage boys. We went out with some friends and they've got teenage boys. These boys ate more than I ate. Oh, yeah.

I was like, I'll just imitate them out. Growing. Yeah. Hollow legs and worms. What a combo. You do the feedback. It will warm up your vocal cords. Mon says,

Oh my gosh. There's 92% F-words spinning S-loads on flights and then offsetting. If you can afford to fly, you can afford to offset. I don't think Mon knows what the other money goes to either, though.

I just, I don't, I'll say it, I don't trust companies. To do the right thing. And I remember John, not John, John Oliver, his show, which is on hiatus like all the shows are at the moment. Riders Strikes. Last week, tonight, his show, he did a big thing about the offsets in America,

and it's just a massive scam. Yeah, really. And that's not to say it is in New Zealand, but yeah, a lot of it is just like, it's greenwashing. The only time you ever feel like you're actually doing something is when you are physically doing it yourself. Like when you recycle,

you wash your recycling, you make the necessary... Or you go out and plant a tree with a company, you know, and you're on a tree planting day. That was a good day. I've never been on a pleat ranting. A pleat ranting. A tree planting day.

A pleat ranting. A pleat ranting's way better. Come pleat ranting with us. Livvy says, no, because it's full of shit and doesn't mean anything. Everybody's swearing. Everybody's very passionate about this. Swearing in the responses. Yeah.

Jess says, the airline makes enough money so they should be paying for this on my behalf. True. Laugh face. So incorporate it into your fare and make it even more expensive. I guess so. How is that possible? Sophie said, no, I don't because it does nothing but line the pockets of the airline. I mean, airlines, this to me,

the greenwashing from airlines sounds like something that they should be addressing. Everybody's very neggy. They just buy offsets, which supports the conversion of beautiful sheep and beef hill country farms into the pine forest for carbon farming, ruining our beautiful country. Want to feel better about your carbon footprint?

Fly less. Yeah, which is why my last holiday I went by boat. You did, but we only had a two week break. I know, and I got there and then I had to fly back because I'd run out of time. Boats are like the biggest emitters.

Oh, true. Did you not sail? No, it was a sailboat. It had sails. It was a replica of the Endeavour, actually. Oh, no. Ships and stuff. Did you not sail? No, it was a sailboat. Oh, okay. It had sails. Yeah. It was a replica of the Endeavour, actually. Oh, no, that's problematic. You can't go on a... Oh, no.

I mean, either way, you're cancelled. Oh, no, I'm cancelled again. Nice working. Okay, great. Yeah, it has been nice. Look, I'm trying. You're either greenwashing or whitewashing. Which wash do you want to do?

I'm trying. What are we doing? I'm trying here, Vaughan. I know you're trying. It's not good enough. It's never good enough. Thomas says, did you know that New Zealand only contributes 0.71% of the world's carbon emissions?

Goodness. I know, Thomas, but we've all got to do our part. Yeah. China is going to see us doing it and be like, we'll do it too. New Zealand's pretty cool. We'll jump on board. Yeah, we'll do it too. We'll do it too. Definitely will's pretty cool. We'll jump on board and do it. We'll do it too.

Definitely will. Josh, I don't travel often. I don't believe that the money is going to impact, have the impact that they imply it will. There are plenty

of richer and more powerful people than me that should start doing more and they haven't, so why should I? That's a great attitude. Yeah. Why should I?

I feel that. Why should I? That was really, that was really sparked people, that one. It did, didn't it? Really got them going. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Well, something's been spotted in an Aussie campground.

It's kind of gone viral and it's got people talking. Somebody's campsite all set up there in the bush. Yeah. You know, they've got a big massive family tent next to, you know, their ute that's parked there. They've got all the deck chairs, all the goodies. They look like they'd go camping often. Yeah.

And on a pole was a Starlink satellite. Wow. This is what you've got, Vaughn. And I know that they now do, like, roaming Starlink. So you can just take this anywhere you go. Yeah. This is what you've got, Vaughn. And I know that they do, they now do like roaming Starlink. So you can just take this anywhere you go. Yeah. So you put up your satellite and you've got ultra fast, like what are the, like what do you call it?

It's like up there with fiber speeds, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's from space. Yeah. Jeepers. And people are like, you're going camping. Like these aren't people that are living in this campsite full time. These are people that are on going camping. Like, these aren't people that are living in this campsite full time. These are people that are on holiday camping.

And they're like, you don't need fibre broadband at your campsite. But obviously, if they've got a tent that big, right, they've got a family. Yeah. And that's just what young people need these days. They might have a little projector for movie nights. Yeah, cute. Making stream things.

You can put movies on your phone or laptop or iPad to watch. But then this family might also be living on the road. Just because they're in a tent, they could be doing that thing where they've taken their kids out of school and they're like, before you start high school or whatever, we're going to drive around Australia. Maybe dad works remotely. I mean, I don't know if they were kids, but it could be like a semi-retired or a retired couple as well.

You always see satellites, mostly sky dish, I guess, on camper vans and stuff at caravan parks. But I mean, I guess, yeah, if you were on the road all the time. But then wouldn't you just use your, like, data on your mobile plan just to... No, because there's so many spots without cell phone coverage. Well, it's next year, isn't it, that Spark or One? I think they're all doing it.

Getting some satellite coverage. Are doing full coverage. And they're using old Musk's disks in the sky. Old Musk's disks. Old Musk's disks. In the sky. Because even at our house, there's certain, like all of our builders don't have reception. Yeah.

If you come to my house and you're on Vodafone. Vodafone. Or what is it now? One. Yeah. You're certainly not receiving calls. Yeah, same. You might get intermittent text messages.

Imagine if you just signed up to a 24-month plan and they moved to your house. Yeah. Surely there's got to be T's and C's that if they can't provide the service, there's got to be an out, right? I don't know. When you're camping, I mean, I get that if you're on the road and that's your vibe. But, like, if you're just camping for the weekend, it's kind of nice sometimes to go off-grid. Well, the point's to be with nature.

Yeah. Close to the ground, be with nature. If you took your girls camping, because they have a little bit of screen time during the day. A little bit. A little bit. Did you see China wants to make kids have two hours a day max? Yeah, which is a great idea,

which is what the doctor said to Indy, who's 11, that children your age should not be on the internet for more than two hours a day. And she's just like, whatever. She's like, shut up, bitch. Yeah. Don't effing talk to me like that, bitch. Oh, day, you bitch. If you took them away without any devices. I'm bored.

Totally. And sometimes it's easy to just be like, shut up. Here's an iPad. We've been away where there's no reception and, like, there's still devices. And that was when our family became very competitive We've been away where there's no reception and there's still devices. And that was when our family became very competitive at Subway Surfer, which is an app.

Oh, okay. Have you played Subway Surfer? No. You're a child and you're caught graffitiing. So you've got to run from the security guard and you're running along train tracks, which in New Zealand could fetch you up to $20,000 in fines. Yeah, but what about the live wires? You've got to watch for the live wires.

Oh, my God. You've got to dodge trains. You've got to, my God. You've got to dodge trains. You've got to jump over things. You've got to get power-ups. You've got to collect coins. Okay, this sounds fun. Boo-ba-da-boo-ba-da-boo-ba-da. I can get into this.

It's all about quick reaction. It was like that Temple Run. Remember Temple Run? Remember it. Aaron plays it every day. Does he still play Temple Run? He loves Temple Run. He's going to lose his mind in angry dudes.

Bejeweled in Temple Run. Is he a Bejeweled boy? He sure is. Oh, my God. He's one of those boomers on mind in angry words. Bejeweled in Temple Run. Is he a bejeweled boy? He sure is. Oh, my God. He's one of those boomers on a flight you see playing bejeweled. On the iPad. Yeah. Yeah.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, a moment at Parliament yesterday has gone viral. It's gone worldwide. Yeah, she's in an election year, baby, so you're going to see a fair bit of arguing, a fair bit of, like, how are you paying for that situation? You know, it's such election year, baby, so you're going to see a fair bit of arguing, a fair bit of how you're paying for that situation. It's such a performance by Parliament.

Yeah, have you ever, like, you know when you're on Freeview and you're up to Channel Bazillion and you're like, God, there is nothing here, and then there's Parliament TV. I always accidentally go when you're going down. And you go back to the 200s. You pass one. They carry on like kids, eh? It's all, it's a show.

It's just like, it's the, yeah, it's like clowns. It's like watching the court justice. And these are the people, it always blows my mind, Parliament TV. I feel like politics happens outside of that room and they get in there to just, I don't know, bully each other and make each other laugh. I know, like it's pretty ruthless. It's so ruthless. And they're always getting kicked out. But it's like that everywhere.

In every parliament around the world, it's like that. Yeah. Well, there hasn't been any fights. The old Eastern European parliaments used to love to throw down. They love a bit of biff, don't they? Yeah. And there was some, was it Japan that used to get quite fisticuffs? Oh, really?

Yeah. That throwdown. Okay, so yesterday in Parliament, there was talk about some promises being made in an election year and how it was going to be paid for and how it wasn't all adding up. And Robertson. Yeah, Grant Robertson. Grant Robertson. I was going to call him Chris Robertson.

Who's that? Chris Hipkins. You think Chris Hipkins. Maybe I think Chris Hipkins. Grant Robertson. You remember we talked to him at the airport once. Grant Robertson. Yeah. Robertson. Who's that? Chris Hipkins. You think Chris Hipkins? A lot of Chris's. Remember we talked to him at the airport once? Grant Robertson. Yeah. Robertson. Robertson. Grant.

Grant. Grazer. Grunter. We call him Grunter. Grunter was questioning the National Party on some interesting accounting. The fiscal hole in Nationals plans. How big is his hole?

And do... That is not in the public interest, I can assure you. Apologies, apologies, Mr Speaker. How big is the New Zealand government's financial hole? That is a bigger laugh than I ever received in my entire comedy festival run. I mean, if you were giving that, that was all it took. For an hour of stand-up comedy. That's all it took.

How big's this bum hole? I mean, it might have been more hole-based content. I had quite a lot, to be fair, in my time. You did have some hole stuff. You did, yeah, if you were giving that, it was all a top. For an hour of stand-up comedy. That's all a top. How big's his bum hole? Maybe it might have been more hole-based content. Yeah. I heard quite a lot, to be fair, in my time. He did have some hole stuff. He did, yeah. Wow, that's so funny. Very funny.

How big is his hole? Do you think she knew? That was Nicola Willis, wasn't it? Yeah. Do you think she knew what she was saying there? I reckon about halfway through, then because she was talking slow and then she said it and she was like

uh oh She was stumbling and she wanted to fix it but it was too late because the hole was out there And then if she hadn't apologised

would she have been kicked out? Is that why she quickly apologised? No I think just for causing an uproar Who's the Speaker of the House these days?

Not Trevor anymore Who is it? I don't know. Gary. Oh, it's probably another grunter. Another grunter, yes. Play Zed-N's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello there. Hi. Sophie Grigere. Trudeau and Justin Trudeau, Canadian Prime Minister, have separated. Her middle name is Grigore. Grigore.

Greg. Where? Greg. And then O-I-R-E. French. I-I. Yeah, I think French. Grégoire.

Grégoire. Grégoire. Grégoire. Oh, yeah. That's nice. So. Gr Gregoire Gregoire Gregoire Gregoire Oh yeah That's nice So Gregoire How many like

Prime Ministers or Presidents Like have a split Mid office It would be low right I don't I just don't Leave me now Yeah like Melania Trump

Just She stuck it out Although she Is she still alive She's still around And still with him I would have been like, bye. Bye.

I know, same. Has anybody got a third bloody thing against him now? Is he? Facing 500 years in prison. You asked the question. The National Post have done an article. Yes. Famous world leaders whose marriages ended while in office.

Um, um, um, um, um. I'm going to get to it. Boris Johnson. Really? Was in office. Um, um, um, um, um. This is going to go. I'm going to get to it. Boris Johnson. Really? Was in office when his marriage ended. When he was the mayor or prime minister.

Prime mayor. Because then he got that new girlfriend, didn't he? Yeah, that's right. And then she got pregnant. In office. Yeah.

Boris Johnson's a piece of shit, hey? Like, we're just reading this like, briefer account of his relationships. He's cheated on people. He's got other people pregnant

while he's been married to the person he... Who wants... I'm sorry. Who wants that? Heathen on top of you. Heathen on top of you. You racist. Bloody good, bloody good.

Yeah, bloody good. With, like, a wet mop of hair. Oh, sweaty. It'll be wet and sweaty. Yeah. You know, this isn't my first time having sex. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Bloody good. I'm very much enjoying

this. Bloody good. Might have a squeeze of these titties. Bloody good pair of tits. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Thank you for the visual images this morning. Nicholas Sarkozy. The French Prime Minister.

Francois Holland. France's President. Vladimir Putin. Did she disappear out a window? Sada Marin from Finland. Silvio Abuscaloni. He was a bit of a dirty boy though, wasn't he?

Italian, yeah. Imagine the pressure it puts on a relationship. Well, you'd never see them, right? You'd never see them. Yeah. You'd just be like, we'll just stick out and then... You'd want to go to the G20 summit

to get a photo with all the other wives and husbands. Wags. Yeah, wags. Prime Minister wags. The Prime Minister wags. The wags and hags.

Yeah. So I've got the top six things that Justin Trudeau is going to put in his Tinder bio. Okay. When he gets back out there. It's pretty simple. I've never written a six things that Justin Trudeau is going to put in his Tinder bio. Okay. When he gets back out there. It's pretty simple. I've never written a Tinder bio, but I reckon this is pretty on the mark.

Number six, the Canadian flag. Chuck, the Canadian flag. Oh, yeah. You reckon just that? You've got to put your flag. You're a Canadian. Yeah, yeah. So that's a cool flag, too.

Yeah, it's a good flag. I love a simple, simple flag. Yeah. And that is it. Our number five on the list of the top six. I just remembered when we were all pretending to be Boris Johnson. Wally. Should I take off my shoes or leave them on?

I don't know. Don't worry. I'm done. Bloody good. His shoes are pants around the ankles. Yuck. He's disgusting. Stop it.

Bloody good. Bloody good. Bloody good. Top six things to put in Justin Trudeau's Tinder bio. We should have done the top six things Boris Johnson would say during Making Love. Okay, yeah. Another time. Bloody good.

Next time he's in the news, I will grant you permission. Number five on the list of the top six things to put in Justin Trudeau's Tinder bio. Just a statement confirming he's not hot actor and Jennifer Aniston's ex, Justin Theroux. Oh, yeah. Who's also a hot Canadian. Yeah.

Very easy to make some. Called Justin. Mm-hmm. Whose last name is Trudeau and Theroux. They like that. Trudeau, Theroux. And then just another sentence confirming that Justin Theroux isn't Louis Theroux. Theroux.

Theroux. Theroux. As we recently learned. Yeah. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six things to put in Justin Trudeau's

Tinder bio. I mean, this isn't going to be for everybody, but I just think he needs the front foot, the brown face thing and put that photo

in the bio. Yeah. Just be like, whoops. It was a different time. Whoops. Yeah. Whoops.

We all made mistakes. Number three on the list of the top six things to put in Justin Trudeau's Tinder bio. A photo with Kenzie the dog. He's got a cute dog. Oh, yeah. Okay. Not a photo with Cotton the guinea pig. No one wants to date a guinea pig person.

No. Absolutely not. No guinea pigs in the dating bio. Oh, far out. Yeah, cute. Yeah. What kind of... Black and white woolly thing. Like a spaniel-y. Oh, you out. Yeah, cute. Yeah. What kind of... Black and white woolly thing.

Like a spaniel-y... Oh, you know, that's not for me. It looks a bit like... Remember Bo? The Obamas had Bo? Yeah. Is that dogs that are alive?

Probably not. I don't think so. Yeah, well, your one's still going. Yeah, I know, but that's a weird anomaly. Number two on the list of the top six things for Justin Trudeau

to put in his Tinder bio that he doesn't drink coffee. Did you know this? What? No. Doesn't drink coffee. That absolutely needs to be one of the things six things for Justin Trudeau to put in his Tinder bio that he doesn't drink coffee. Did you know this? What? No. He doesn't drink coffee. That absolutely needs to be one of the things he puts in there. He needs to tell everybody he's going to be possibly with because that sounds punishing. Yeah, it does. Yeah. He's not going to wake up until like two o'clock.

Probably wake up. No, no, no. He probably just drinks a green tea. It's a more balanced caffeine release. I'm all good. Give me a break. And number one on the list of the top six things to put in Justin Trudeau's Cinderbio, his favourite swear word Do you know what his favourite swear word is? Are you allowed to say it on the radio? Sure am

Okay, what is it? Fuddle duddle Oh for God's sake He was asked once what his favourite swear word was He's got absolutely no edge He's so clean and polite Not like old hunky Boris Johnson. Oh, bloody hell.

Oh, bloody hell. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's an election year, so you should receive your, what do you call them? The enrolment details. The enrolment details. Because I got mine yesterday as well. Yeah, I got mine and the previous owners.

Oh. So obviously they just don't vote anymore. Two votes for you. Three votes for me. No. Yeah, there we go. Three votes for you. I'll have one.

I got my, yeah, okay, one. I got it and I opened it up and all the details were correct. Were they correct though? Because I sent you guys a photo and it's like my full name, my date of birth, you are of New Zealand Maori descent, email, phone

number, you're enrolled in the general role near my address occupation, actress Now I've put actress waitress No I don't wait

I haven't wait. No, I haven't done for many, many years. But I also haven't done acting for many years. And the drama school graduate in me has put actress for so many years. And I realised reading that that I think since the last time I confirmed it, now I jitter about when I put in my occupation. I want so badly to be an actor. What do you put?

DJ. Radio DJ. No, I'm not going to be a radio DJ. You're one of us now, Hayley. Because I'm not, though. Radio DJ. I'm not. I literally come here and I hang out with my friends and I go home. I don't do any radio.

That's exactly what it is, a radio DJ. Yeah, but this would be your most full-time job. It would be your most time working. I'm not a radio host. I'm not a broadcaster. A broadcaster covers the stuff you do on TV and radio'm not a radio host. You're a broadcaster. I'm not a broadcaster. Broadcaster covers the stuff you do on TV and radio. Don't put DJ, they'll suit you back.

Never put DJ, they get out the rubber glove and they're like, oh, either. Have a look around because they think you're... Ibiza, you've got drugs on you. Yeah. I can't put TV presenter because Have You Been Paying Attention got cancelled and Bake Off's been delayed. So technically, yeah, you're not... Technically, I've got nothing on TV

So If anything Radio announcer Slash broadcaster Not a radio announcer Would be You're a radio DJ You're a radio DJ

I volunteer To come and hang out With my friends for three hours Someone sticks this in front of me I don't need it So you don't want the money No no I get the money But it's not my job

Well that's not volunteering It's not my job It is your job I'm I'm I'm an actor. When is the last time you acted in something and had a credit and it aired? And it aired.

Jesus, you are ruthless. You are ruthless over there. Savage. When was the last time you had anything? I'm not counting these programs that you've filmed that haven't been on television. I literally have to look up my own actor's profile on my agent's thing because it's all like presenting stuff, but I'm a very good actor. But that's presenting.

That's presenting. When's the last time you were a presenter then? You're a TV presenter. Okay, Haley Sproul. I mean, does auditions count? Because I did a bit of acting in some auditions recently. No, no, that doesn't count. That doesn't count.

Okay, feature film, that was 2019. Television, that was 2020. Okay, so it's... Oh, theatre. Right. No, that doesn't count. That doesn't count. That doesn't count. Okay, feature film, that was 2019. Television, that was 2020. Okay, so it's... Oh, theatre. Right. No, that doesn't count. That doesn't count. 2020.

2020. I think you've got to send this letter back because this is why the elections people send these letters. So you make sure all your details are updated. Can I put comedian? Because I've done a lot of comedy. I've done a lot of TV comedy. That's subjective though, isn't it? Yeah. Is she funny?

Yeah. What do you put when you come back into the country? I just came back from Melbourne and I put presenter. I present comedy. I present entertainment. Present the radio. Present the TV. Once upon a time.

Present the acting. Have they ever said to you, what's a presenter? No. No. No, they haven't. Every now and then they'll go like, oh, why were you in Melbourne? Because I'm always in Melbourne for two days. Yeah. I was on TV there.

Oh, you're doing what? Oh, I'm a comedian. I do this. So I do say I'm a comedian. Anyway, I want to know. And then they'll say, oh, okay. And what are you doing tomorrow? And you say, oh, I've got the radio to be a radio DJ.

Oh, you work on radio. No, no, no. You're a radio DJ. They'll be like, why are you lying to us? No, no, I'm not lying to you. I just haven't settled into the job title yet. I don't know what I am. I don't know what I am.

I do many things. I'm not alone in this, so I know a lot of people struggle or just straight up lie. I might put dentist. Right. You can't lie when you come back into the country on the phone. Do I look like a dentist? No, you don't.

You're too hairy. Because the mask would always sit on top of the bed. Yeah, right. And you'd get some kind of gingivitis quite quickly, I think. I would get gingivitis. Yeah, I think you would. Because it would get through the mask. Oh, you're saying I would catch the gingivitis.

Yeah. I'd fall up you and get in your mouth. Yeah. I'm not dealing with yucky gingivitis. And you'd get all the plaque and ta-ta. I'm not telling you yuck. I'm not dealing with yucky gingivitis. And you get all the plaque and ta-ta. I'm not telling you yuck. I'm not dealing with that. Okay, well, you're not a dentist.

What about that party I went to recently that I wasn't supposed to be at? And then everyone was like, why are you here? And then I lied and I said I did wardrobe on this film. Because everyone was like, what do you do? But a lot of people lie about their job title, like at parties or when they meet people, because they don't want to discuss their job. I know our friend who's a doctor who's due in any minute. He's going to give Hayley the once-over.

She's got a covered in a rash. He's doing house calls now. That's how bad she's got. I've heard dermatologists just, you do not say. If you're a skin doctor. Oh, my God, can you look at this? Because it's literally, can you just have a look at this? Whereas if you're...

And you're at a dinner or a party. Someone's like, I've got the symptoms, it's kind of here and a bit of thing. And you're like, I don't have anything to do. But a dermatologist can just be like, can you have a look at this? But you don't think it's true of anyone? Like an electrician, a builder, a sparky. Oh my God. What is the cord?

Can you help me? Because I've got a photo of a light. Do you lie about your job title and why? Maybe for, like me, it's an insecurity. Maybe you're holding on to a previous job title that you haven't done for three years. Or maybe it's to get out of chatting about it or to get out of having to do it.

Yes. Do you lie about your job title and why? We want to take your calls now. 0800 DALES at M is the number. You can text her as well. 9696. Whether you lie about your job title or just in conversation to avoid it, or maybe you flash it up and lie on the form

when you're coming back into the country. Yeah, maybe you've got a lame-ass job and then on the card when it says occupation, you say, like, Superman. Okay, that's going to get you another one. You're going to get in so much trouble. You can't lie to these people. Prove it's not me.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Ailey. Play ZM. We want to know if you... Wow, hello. We want to know if you lie about your job title for whatever reason. I have been claiming I'm an actor for the last three years. Hasn't been a lot of acting. I'll just three years. Hasn't been a lot of acting. I'll just say it.

There hasn't been a lot of acting. My credits are looking pretty dry when it comes to acting. Open to all audition offers and just straight up casting roles. Thank you. But why do you lie, maybe in a social situation, about your occupation? Because you don't want to be hassled. You don't want to explain things. Oh, my God, you're a pilot.

How do you land? How do you land? Ugh! How do you land? It's actually a really great question. Is it scary flying through the clouds? Oh my god, do you ever just like take a nap? No, I'm a pilot and I'm looking after many, many lives. Like, you know,

it would be annoying right after a while, answering these questions. Alright, let's take some calls. Ashton, what's your occupation? I'm actually a physiotherapist. Oh, my God. That's perfect. I'm glad you're here actually because I've got a bit of a slower back. Quite tight.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I learned pretty quickly after graduating, don't share what you do for work. So what do you say then if people are like, oh, what do you do for a job? Just a desk job, you know. I've pretty quickly moved on to asking someone else a question because that sounds boring. Yeah, exactly.

What is data entry? No one knows. No one knows. No one's got any follow-up questions about an office job with data entry, do they? Yeah. And if you say you're a physio, they give, oh, I've got a sore back. And if you give them advice, most of the time, they don't listen.

Yeah, because you're... They come back and it's still sore. I don't listen to my physio either. To be honest, Ashton, I'll do the stretches until the pain subsides and then absolutely give up. I wouldn't even do that. I want to be fixed at the appointment, which is 20 minutes long when I leave.

I'm not doing extra work. I've paid you. A hundred percent. And that's why Ashton sees you again next Tuesday. Yes, I'll see you on Tuesday, Ashton. Ashton, thanks for your call. Toby, you lie about your occupation. Yeah, mate.

Yeah, I'm a baker. Very proud baker, but I've noticed in the past when you tell people what you do, your profession inside the baking, oh, you can make my next birthday cake for my children or myself or my husband. It's a free service. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And they always want to discount. And all that sort of stuff. It's like, oh. I can't believe people do that, Toby. But if we let you say what bakery you work at on air as an advertisement, can you send us some cream buns? Oh, yeah.

Custard Squares cream buns. Can you send us some cakes, Toby? Oh, my God. What are your sausage rolls? Do you put carrot in your sausage rolls? Because I like carrot in my sausage rolls. No, yuck. I agree.

I'm on team Toby. Carrot has no place in a sausage roll. It adds a kiss of sweetness. No, I've never heard of carrot in a... I'll give you a kiss of sweetness. It adds a kiss of sweetness. Yes, please. No.

Sausage rolls have sausage meat. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, Toby. Oh, okay. Don't know why it's a word that will be spoken on this day. Sausage rolls have sausage meat. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, Toby. Okay. Don't know why it's a word that will be spoken on this day. Sausage rolls have sausage meat. Toby, thank you for your call. Lucy, what do you do for a job?

What do you lie and say? I work in insurance. Yeah. And every time people hear insurance, they're like, oh, my God, you guys are such a scam. You take all my money and you're so expensive. Oh, my God. I mean, you do. You do. I hate you. You're a scam. You take all my money and you're so expensive. Oh, my God. I mean, you do.

You do. I hate you. You're a plague on the financial industry. I mean, yeah, we are. So I just tell them I'm an office worker or I work in finance. Yeah, finance is going to shut right down. Because everyone will expect cocaine. If you say I work in finance, they'll be like,

of course, cool, cool. Wow. Yeah. So they're always after a discount. I've dropped my phone, Lucy, but it's a company phone. Who gets the insurance? She doesn't want to talk about this. We're not going to get all these occupations on the phone

and not utilise them. Lucy works just an office admin. She's in finance. She can't help you. Oh, sorry, I thought you were in insurance. You're in finance. Oh, I beg your pardon. Are you in finance, Lucy?

Could you hook us up with some coke? Jess, good morning. You're a midwife. I am a midwife, yeah. And so you lie and say what else, that you do something else? Yeah, I say that I'm a commercial cleaner because as soon as I tell people that i'm a commercial cleaner because as soon as i tell people that i'm a midwife i get their like graphic stories their horror stories

period the first time they had sex how often they had sex sometimes i'm just trying to enjoy a massage yeah a loaf of bread or something yeah i get it so sometimes it's just pick and choose and I'll just say, oh, I'm actually a commercial cleaner. And then no one has a single follow-up. Yeah. No, I do, I do.

Could you give us a quote for office cleaning here maybe? Yeah. Or do you ever use one of those floor buffers? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. And what do you do with the floor buffer when you get to the corner

because it's round? Because it's round, you can't get in there. How do you do with the floor buffer when you get to the corner? Because it's round. Because it's round, Hattie, you can't get in there. How do you? I would have to say that I'm not qualified to push those things. Oh, yeah, you're basic. You're on the spray and wipe. You're on the windows. So licensing is required to use the floor buffer.

Cute. It's a type 2 license. Got a lot of questions, including how they clean that corner triangle. Thank you, Jess. Some messages in. Hello and a good morning to all the midwives who are listening. We've had quite a few messages in from midwives. They do a fantastic job.

Who lie about their occupation. They just say, another midwife just says, I'm a nurse. Because, yeah, I get the birth stories. And what would you have done differently? She's like, well, I'm not there. I couldn't speak to it. Hairdresser. I don't tell people I'm a hairdresser because, like,

I have literally had people ask at parties if I could give them a quick trim. Just a quick trim. Yeah, with what? Kitchen scissors? The good snips. I'm a lawyer. But I say I'm an early childhood educator on the dating apps. Oh.

I wonder why. An intimidation factor or? Yeah, that. Just legal advice maybe. Oh, yeah, it could be. Like, oh, maybe people just assume you've got lots of money and now you're paying for drinks. Yeah.

When I used to talk to the ladies, I used to tell them strange jobs. Underwood a wood welder. An underwater wood welder. Why not? You can't weld wood. That underwater wood welder. Why not? You can't weld wood. That's silly. I like this person who texts in saying,

my brother used to pump petrol, so he called himself a petroleum transfer technician. That's what we used to call ourselves at the petrol station too. Really? Yeah. Fancy. I used to be a coal miner in Australia. I used to call myself a fossil fuel extraction technician.

Yes. Sounds better than coal miner. But we do give a fossil fuel extraction technician. Yes. Sounds better than coal miner. But we do give respect to the sandwich artists. Yes. On dating apps, I lie about my job. I'm a police officer. Oh, yeah. And guys always have 20 questions.

I don't have a lot of questions. Same. And then they ask if they can use the taser. No, if I can handcuff them. Hot. That's hot. It's a them. Hot. It's hot. It's a little bit hot. It's hot, man.

You know you can buy your own. Yeah, but they're like cheap ass. I want the real deal. Well, there's a new episode out today on TVNZ+. RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under. And one of the judges joins us in studio, Rhys Nicholson. Utterly starstruck, aren't we? They walked into the room and we all hit the floor.

Rhys Nicholson joins us. Good morning. Good morning, Rhys. Lovely to see you. Lovely to have you on the show. Lovely to see you. It does feel, that felt pointed for a second. It really did. Like, aren't we starstruck? Also, you thought Lovely to see you. It does feel, that felt pointed for a second. It really did.

Like, aren't we starstruck? I'll say you the question rather than the statement. No. No, I get it. My enemy, Rose Metaphia, has a show called Starstruck. Sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Imagine being the enemy of her.

Good morning. Well, it's not fun. No. But you, I mean, seriously, judging drag race is massive. It's pretty great. I got to say, it's like, and I'm not even, like, I'm a stand-up comedian the rest of the year. I have no glamour in my life.

And then for three weeks of the year, I get to sit next to RuPaul and hang out with Michelle Visage and just look at, like, men dressed as women, and that's my whole job. I feel like there's so much mystery around Drag Race because you hear so many things and it's all over the world but Ru is often in them, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please let me make clear, Ru is there. That's a big rumour that Ru is not there. Last year it was like CGI or like stand-ins. To that I would say, if you complain about the production of the rest of the show, you can't be like, you've seen the budget. We don't have the budget to superimpose RuPaul.

Just fly her over. That's going to be cheaper. I sort of feel like when drag race feels cheap, though, it's at its best. Yes. When drag feels cheap, it's at its best. Well, but that's what drag is, right? I mean, nowadays you see these like kind of super put together drag queens because they're everywhere and they're in front of us.

But when I first encountered drag, I did a drag show with Rubab Rouge, who... Definitely sounds like someone trying to be... You can't. You can eat the stems, but not the leaves. I think she did season one, but, you know, didn't last very long. But it was like, you know, satin sacks with a belt around it and maybe a bit of powder from coin saves. Yeah.

And now it's amazing. She fell over in a department store and that was the whole look. Stood up and that was the look. Yeah. But do you still marvel when the queens come out and they've just got these incredible looks? When we film Drag Race, there are two parts of my day that are really nice where the first time that I see Rue every day

is the first time you see her on the show. If you've watched it before, she kind of walks down the road. The spotlight goes on her and it goes, dun, dun, dun. So no backstage banter? No, Michelle and my... It takes her a long time to get ready. Of course. And it's like...

What are we talking, three hours? I think a little bit. And she likes to hang out. She hangs out. It's like a long time to get ready. Of course. And it's like... What are we talking, three hours? I think a little bit. And she likes to hang out. She hangs out like it's a fun process. Yes. Something like that. And so we see her for the first time. The first time Michelle Visage sees her is that time of the day.

Michelle and I, our dressing rooms are next to each other and we kind of hang out quite a bit. It takes me about like a minute and a half. I mean, you've got beautiful skin and fantastic hair. Thank you. What's left to do? I like what I caught yeah

but then when the queens come out yeah it's so exciting like it's I will admit it's tougher when when there's 10 of them at the very beginning

of the season you are kind of going like how am I going to remember all of it like because yeah and then they transform and you're like every time they walk

down the runway they look completely different they have different hair colour that kind of thing so you kind of like almost you want to tag them and like Bluetooth them somehow so you kind of understand which one you're.

Tag them like you're bloody Vaughn's chickens. Yeah. You can get little coloured leg bands for chickens. Yeah, I think that's not a bad idea. Because I was season four. I was thinking tag them like they do Great White Sharks. But of course, this is far cheaper. Much cheaper.

The show's on a budget for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes much more sense. And we of course, this is far cheaper. Much cheaper. The show's on a budget for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes much more sense. And we can't afford the tank. Yeah. We've got wet drag queens. You're going to have to deal with PETA. Which are the spin-off series I'm producing.

It's kind of, yeah, we just make queens fight in a tank. I'd watch that. Yeah. Because we actually had a night out with one of the queens when they were filming, eh? Yes, but we didn't know. We didn't know at the time. And then afterwards she was like, that's why I was here.

It was like, wow. Yes. And see, that's a queen doing well and respecting her NDA. That's a good job. I'm very proud of her. Some of them do not. Oh, really? Oh, it's so much.

Are you telling me drag queens like to gossip? A little bit. What? It is wild that you do. I went to a viewing party. I'm usually out of the country when the show goes on air the last two years. But I went to a viewing party to watch the first episode last week, and I'd never been there before.

And it is so funny how all the queens are pretending they don't know everything that happens. But it's kind of. Yeah, right. I mean, of course. Yeah, comedians are the same. TV producers are the same. Oh, TV is all BS.

I'm going to say it. Yeah. Sometimes when I'm doing seven days, and then they're like, oh, we're just going to do a little pick-up here, and then the audience is like, what? It's not live? Yeah.

It's not on TV right now. I'm not even gay. Yeah? Yeah, it's just a character that worked out. I didn't know that. And look, in retrospect, it's feeling a little homophobic these days. You're engaged, aren't you? I am.

God, you're really taking this out. She's very sad. And she is just the sweetest thing. She's a darling. She's an idiot. No, yeah, I'm getting married in September. We've been engaged for Kyron, his name is, which is so close to a name. We've been together for 12 years, but we got engaged before gay marriage was a thing in

Australia. And it was like a very, like, we were a little bit like, yeah, damn the man. If we can't get married. And then it got legalised and we were like, oh. We should probably do it. We should probably follow through. Girl, this is going to be expensive. Well, Drag Race TV in Z Plus premiered last Friday.

So we've got a new episode now. Today, yeah. Today. Right now, baby. Reece Nicholson, thank you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Eight. It's the final rankings. We do this every Friday. We rank things. Normally it's food related, but today on the back of Barbie and Barbie pink being all the rage.

Is it a what? Is it a Pantone colour? You know the, or is it just Barbie pink? What is Barbie pink? Your Pantone's got it. Pantone number. Pantone.

That's like a famous colour organisation. It's the colour code. Oh my God. Right. The colour code is PMS219. PMS. PMS. Barbie's got PMS apparently.

So today we thought we would rank all things pink. Things that are pink. See how cool is this? It tells you it's comprised of 87.8% red, 12.9% green, and 54.1% blue. Like when you see them at the hardware store, like my eternal bunnings, and they drip, drip, drip, drip, and then the machine goes... Okay, some pink things to consider. Rose quartz.

Yep. And we all know we love our crystals. Turkish delight. Turkish delight. That purple, that purple things to consider. Rose quartz. Yep. And we all know we love our crystals. Turkish delight. Turkish delight. That purple, that purple, that purple. No, no, that Cadbury one is, but your classic Turkey Turkish delight is pink. I'd even say the Cadbury one is more red than it is purple.

Well, and we made our Turkish delight cocktails pink, didn't we? Yeah, we did. And they were incredible. You've got pigs. You've got flamingos. Are we doing pink the singer? Roses, pink the singer.

I'll probably definitely have pink marshmallows in my top three because I love... Smokers lollies. Yuck! Yum! Yum! Yum! The girlies are on board!

Smokers lollies. Not even a lolly. They're disgusting. What are they? They're just like packed. They're marshmallow flavoured. No like packed. Like marshmallow flavoured. No, they're not marshmallow flavoured. Number five, pink bats.

Ooh. Pink bats. Because they insulate us and they keep us warm. No, but they make my skin burn. Yeah, but you can't touch them. Number four. Yep. Pinky and the brain.

Wait, you're doing five things. I'm doing five things. Okay. Pinky and the brain, because what are we going to do tonight, brain? Same thing. Whatever. Pinky, try to take over the world. Okay. Number're doing five things. I'm doing five things. Okay. Pinky in the brain because what are we going to do tonight, brain? Same thing. Whatever. Pinky, try to take over the world.

Okay. Number three, Pink Floyd. The band. Oh, yeah, that's good. Put that record on at the same time as Wizard of Oz

or something. They were doing a lot of drugs in the 70s. Right. Number two, Pinky Fingers. Pinky Promises.

Understated finger. It can make Pinky Promises. It can make promises that are literally impossible to break. And number one for me is Pink Panther. Both the mock talk. Pinky promises, understated finger. It can make pinky promises. It can make promises that are literally impossible to break. Yeah. And number one for me is Pink Panther.

Both the mocktail. Both the mocktail. From Common Co. Yeah. Yes. And the song. Okay. Okay.

Pink smokers are a flavour of clove muscadine seed. Yeah. It sounds gross, but why is it so delicious? Number five, I'm going pink smokers are a flavour of clove, muscadine and seed. Yeah. It sounds gross, but why is it so delicious? Number five, I'm going pink smokers. Number four, I'm going to agree with the pinky finger. I make a lot of pinky promises, all of which I will keep. Number three, I'm going to go the flamingo. They're so cute and they're kind of retro vibes.

I've got that flamingo wallpaper. Not quite sure where we're going to put it yet, but it exists. Number two, I'm going to go Pink the Singer. Yeah. One of the first concerts I saw back in the early, early 2000s. And we're going next year, aren't we? We're going next year. Absolutely fizzing.

Is that your number one? Number one. Oh, no. Far out. Am I going to go Roses? Or am I going to go Lips Or am I going to go lips? I'm going to go lips. Okay.

Pink lips. I'm not going to call them pink. Yeah, they are. Your lips are pink. Yeah, I guess they are pink. If I zoomed in on that and took a colour and took it to Rosene and said, what colour is this? They'll make me pink pink.

You've got pink lips. How hard was it growing up Caucasian when we didn't have a felt that adequately was our skin colour and we just ended up colouring all of our family in pink? Yeah, I know. We're not pink. We're not pink pigs. Growing up Caucasian is really hard. Yeah, God, isn't it?

Really hard. Imagine people who are a little bit brown and then they had to do it and they just had, like, chocolate. That's all they had. And then you're like, wow, I didn't think you were that dark. They weren't. It's hard. It's hard out there.

So what, you're number one? It's hard being Caucasian. What was your number one? My number one is lips. Lips. Lips of all varieties. Okay, I'm going to go cute little pink pigs, like teacup pigs. Yeah, that's number five.

Because they're cute and pink. I can't believe we've forced five out of you. No, you don't have to do five. I'm not going to do five. I'll just do, can I do lamingtons? Are they red or pink? Yeah, man, they're pink. I can't believe we've forced five out of you. No, I'm not going to do five. I'll just do... Can I do lamingtons? Are they red or pink? Yeah, man, they're pink. Yeah, okay.

No, that's going to be up. I'm going to make that number one. Yeah, you love a lamington. And also in there, I'd put Pink the Singer and Pink Marshmallows. Okay. Yeah. So Pink the Singer wins? Was she our only...

She wasn't in my list. And Lips, maybe L lips is in the top three because we've all got them. We've all got them and we all enjoy them. If we're going by the text machine, lips are very popular. Oh, what else is a people?

Pinky bar, the marshmallow covered chocolate. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, that's yuck, but... Peppa Pig. Yeah, Peppa Pig rules. Pink bits. Hayley, I said... I'm reading out what the people are saying, I said we can do this without saying pink bits.

And you did it. And then you made me just say it and yuck. Now you said it twice. I said it once. Yeah. Well, you're both in trouble. Next on the show, the top, no, what is it, Friday flashback. It's my pick this week.

Yes. And I'm choosing a song that featured in the Barbie movie. And I believe we're going back to 1996 slash 7. Good lord. When this song came out. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It is time for the impossible phone-in topic.

A topic that we think is so impossible, we will not get a single call. That's right. And this might be hard. Yeah. So basically, there was a cop from Boston. Boston. He's a Boston boy.

And there's a video of him that's gone viral. He absolutely canes it. Like canes himself down a slide in a park. Very steep slide. Very steep. And it's got corners. himself down a slide in a park. Very steep slide. Very steep and it's got corners. Yeah. And the slides

have round the bends. This had corners and he comes down it and he's like facing the wrong way. His face is down. And he's wearing his belt with like his gun

walkie talkie. His gun flies out the walkie talkie like flings off and he just eats the ground at the end. He just

he's going way too fast. And I'm assuming it was his partner, the other cop, is just laughing hysterically. Filming? Yeah, filming it. Yeah, I know. I'm sure they were like, ha-ha, let's have a little bit of fun. Show that the police are fun.

I know. I've watched this video over and over. I don't know why. I just find it so funny. It is so funny. And it's gone absolutely viral. The whole internet is laughing at him. There's memes.

It's so great. Me coming back into work on a Monday. Ha ha ha, love it. It's perfect. This meme can literally represent everything. So on the back of this, our impossible phoner is, has the whole internet laughed at you before?

Is there something, like a video of you that got uploaded, or a photo, or something like that, or a story you were in, that went a bit viral and had the whole internet laughing at you. And how did it feel? Because initially you'd be absolutely horrified, but then maybe you just have to laugh with it, right?

Otherwise, life's not going to be that great. Have you seen the video that's resurfacing at the moment? It's three kids probably back in the early 2000s and they're emo and they're sitting on a bed and they sing Evanescence, Wake Me, Bring Me to Life. And they're sitting on a bed and they sing Evanescence, wake me, you know, bring me to life.

Yeah. And they're sitting on the bed and they're just going, wake me up, wake me up. But they're just mouthing it and like being all emo and now it's back

and everyone's like, oh my God, so cringe. Is it back again? Yeah. So it was a thing once and now it's back again. Yeah.

Because now everyone's like, remember when we were like this? Yeah. Maybe you've been part of something like that on the internet. Are we going to have like a limit, like X million of views? No, because it could only be, you know,

a few hundred people laughing at you, but it feels like everybody's laughing at you. Yeah. Okay, well, have you gone, oh, what about New Zealand is famous for the streakers that like, you know, do a streak at the rugby and then eat it. Eat it. Maybe the Nick Minnick guy will ring up.

I don't think he likes talking about it anymore. I think he's done with it. I think he's done. But 0800-DARLS-AT-M, it's the impossible phone-in topic. Give us a text as well, 9696. Maybe the Devastate guy's listening. Maybe you just ask a really insanely dumb question on a community page and there was,

because you know, I love seeing those questions and then there's a pile on. Maybe we laughed at you. When has the internet laughed at you? That's what we want to know. It is the impossible phoner. The impossible phonin' topic, something we think is so impossible.

No one will ring. Has the entire internet laughed at you? Is the question today. The Boston Cop has gone viral the last couple of days. Great memes. We've just been watching this video during that song over and over again. Why was he going backwards down a slide face down? But it almost looks, because one of his legs is flying out the side.

It almost looks like it turned him around. Yeah, it's in crazy slide. It's like a slide face down. But it almost looks, because one of his legs is flying out the side, it almost looks like it turned him around. Yeah, it's in crazy slide. It's like a hydra slide. You hear it coming before he actually comes out, and it's so funny. The rattle as well. Hang on one more time. I'm going to watch it one more time.

Connor joins us. Connor, good morning. Hey, good morning, guys. Good. Not only the entire internet, but YouTube, ESPN, Crowd Goes Wild. You have been laughed at worldwide. morning, guys. Good. Not only the entire internet, but YouTube, ESPN, Crowd Goes Wild. You have been laughed at worldwide. Yes, worldwide.

Mate, what happened? So, for a long time, I used to play a sport called canoe polo. Oh, yeah. And at the beginning of the game in each half, the ball is thrown in the middle of the court, and a player from each team sprints as fast as they can in the kayak to reach the ball is thrown in the middle of the court and a player from each team sprints as fast as they can in the kayak to reach the ball. I got to the ball first and the other player's kayak came over top of mine and knocked me out.

I'm looking at a photo. So you just ate it? Is this eight years ago? Yes, it was from 2012. I just googled canoe polo player accidentally smashes into opponent's face in Galway. Is that you? No.

Oh, that's another one. Yeah, no, if you just YouTube canoe polo charge start, it's the top video. Having a look at this, this sport looks scrappy, man. All these canoes with their big noses out the front. Oh, yeah, yeah okay goodness me yeah i'm watching it verified original permission licensing it okay i'm watching it now okay god you how do you come out so quick so you go you start at each end of the pool

they chuck it into the middle oh my dude oh yeah right in the car oh my god how did you not die? Wait, show me, show me. How did you not die? How did you not die? I'm showing Hayley. Oh! Oh, my God. Dude. Your back snaps backwards. Yeah, and straight back on the canoe. They were worried I was going to tip over. Oh, my God, there's a montage of them.

Oh, my God. Jesus. Did you see the Crow Goes Wild used it? Did they use it for, like, Smash them, bro, or something? They did. And actually, for 2012, it was the number one Smash them, bro. Well, congratulations. That's a highly coveted prize.

But at first, though, were you... No, that's the thing. Yeah. They say congratulations to me. It's the guy that knocked me out that got number one. Oh, so it hit you. It smashed you. No, you should get it for being smashed.

Yeah. What happened? What were your injuries? It's my claims of fame. My jaw is displaced from it. Yeah. Oh, my God. And initially when that happened, were you just like,

this is so embarrassing, the world was laughing at me? Well, I woke up on the side of the pool with everyone panicking. I wasn't sure what I wasn't quite sure what had happened. Yeah. But it was just a light concussion and once the, I mean I was a hero for a little while. Yeah, you are and you're a hero again.

Yeah, well everyone just thought I took it like a champ so I was a hero. You did take it like a champ. You took it on the chin, man. You literally took all of it on the chin. Insane. Do yourself a favour and Google that video. Yeah, it's insane. Anybody listening.

We should actually chuck that on the stories. Do we still have an Instagram account? We do. Are we still running an Instagram? FVHZM on Instagram account. I thought we were exclusively threads based. No, remember no one's on threads anymore. No one's on it, eh?

We were for two days. We NFT'd it on the threads though. We went hard. Right, yeah. Let's go to some messages. I entered a belly flop competition and got flown to Australia. I was on Campbell Live and now the YouTube clap has over 10 million views. What?

But this is intentional belly flop, not an accidental. Well, I think. You know what the comment section gets like. Oh, yeah. You might have intended to go into your God's honest best belly flop, but the comment section can be really mean. When my son Beau met Prince Harry, John Key picked him out of the crowd and carried him across to meet Prince Harry,

and he said, hello, how are you? And he's like, can I have an ice cream? I remember that. The video's got quite a few. Harry was like, I'm not selling ice creams. I'm not selling ice creams today. I'm the prince. I'm the prince.

You dumb kid. I'm the prince. I'm very important. That's so good. Somebody messaged in, a guy they went to school with was a streaker. They hadn't seen them for years and then saw them on TV streaking, and it got absolutely folded by a red badge. Folded.

Man, some of those red badge are units. I mean, I reckon some I could run away from but some are just units. But that's the thing, if they corner you or if you're concentrating

on escaping the quicker red badge, you just run straight into this wall of a person looking for red badge. Yeah. Absolutely fold you. So it's not

impossible. Not impossible. He can be laughing. God, poor Connor. Oh my God, his face. I know, that video. Oh. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Fact of the day, day,

day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day involves Dave Bautista. You might know as Drax the Destroyer from Guardians of the Galaxy. He was a wrestler as well. He's definitely moved more into acting. Oh, big guy, big guy. Massive dude. Six foot six.

54 years old. Looks bloody good with a great beard, might I say. What's his name again? Dave. I've got to Google this. I've met him. He's massive. D-A-V-E. Is he the guy that does the hair stuff?

Batista hair stuff. No, he's got no hair. No, that's Babista. Oh, right. Babirista. Oh, yeah, this guy. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Baptista.

Baptista. He started off as a wrestler. He's now an actor. He's been in Marvel films. He was in that Glass Onion with... Oh, yep. I love those movies. Those are really good movies.

He's got a set of pecs on him, eh? Yeah, the dude's got pecs. The dude's got game. But he also has horrendous asthma. Does he? He has adult asthma. And when he was in the W, this is today's fact of the day, when Dave Bautista was in the WWE, he had asthma inhalers under the mat

and he'd have to be thrown out of the ring so he could get under the mat and have a little puff on his asthma inhaler. That bad? Yeah, that's how bad his asthma is. He's like this very strong, athletic man, but during his time in the WWE, he needed an asthma inhaler sitting around the place.

It's all planned out and choreographed, so the cameras would just... No, it's not. It's real in the moment. The cameras would just cut away and he'd just... Well, I guess when he got thrown out and would roll towards the ring, reach under and grab it, he could, like, kind of get his head under there maybe a little bit

and they would focus on the person that threw him out or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'd just have a little toot. Weird inhalers, eh? My best friend grew up with asthma, grew out of it. Yeah. But I used to have a little puff on her inhaler and be like, what, it's like a dust.

You don't do that. It was like a weird dust in the back of your throat. Yeah. We've got a GP in studio, so we want to talk. Is that bad? It's like a dust. It was like a weird dust in the back of your throat. Yeah. We've got a GP in studio. Is that bad? It's not bad for you. Not just one. One's not going to harm, but you shouldn't be huffing on an inhaler if you don't have

asthma. Yeah. That's, by the way, that's $45. And he was 15 minutes late. Are you kidding me? It's not even nine o'clock. We're his first patients of the day and he was 15 minutes late. Dr. Sean is in studio hanging out with us.

Texting you questions. For free. Just get it for free. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He had inhalers under the ring, people working around the ring. The cold venues were my nightmare.

Just second patient of the day, just cold trigger asthma. Yeah. That's another $45. And he was 25 minutes late. How did this cost us 90 cents? Because the first patient took a while and he was already late. What's another $45. And he was 25 minutes late. How did this cost us 90 minutes? What have you been between patients? Because the first patient took a while. What's he doing between patients?

That's solitaire. How about being in the waiting room and seeing your doctor come out and you're like, I'm next. And then they disappear back into the room for a bit and you're like, what are they doing for like half an hour? He's replacing the little paper on the table. That takes ages. What are you doing?

A phone consult. Yeah, but why are you still charging $50 for a phone consult? He's got no answer for hydrocortisone. That's the answer. Do I work for free? No. It's fun having a punching bag in studio. Just get a different occupation in every day

and just have a pile on that occupation. Yeah, today we've got a doctor in. Tomorrow, a plumber. Oh, don't get me started. You're turning up sometime between eight and five. That's literally all day. Yeah.

The copper pipes that were in the wall, where have they gone, mate? Oh, in the back of your van. They're mine. Get them back. No, we wanted to get rid of them. You don't want them.

I'll get rid of them for you. Yeah, I'll help you. I'll take away the copper. So today's fact of the day, and it's SummerSlam this weekend, by the way, for wrestling fans. I'll get rid of them for you. Yeah. I'll help you. I'll take away the copper. So today's fact of the day, and it's SummerSlam this weekend, by the way, for wrestling fans. I was like, what the... SummerSlam.

And good morning to our wrestling listeners. Huge, huge wrestling audience. I've studied our audience. Huge Venn diagram crossover. Wow. Massive wrestling audience. So today's fact of the day, enjoy SummerSlam this weekend,

wrestling audience, is that when Dave Bautista was in the WWE, he had to hide asthma inhalers around the arena so he could have a little puff to deal with his asthma. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. An internet faux pas has been made and producer Jarrod is here to tell us what he did.

Hello. Hello, Jarrod. I've done this, but not as bad as this. What did you do? Someone I don't know super well posted on their Instagram story that their dog had just passed away. Aww. What of? I didn't ask because this happened first.

So I went to type in, hey, blah, blah, blah, so sorry to hear that, et cetera. Nice message. I, like, tapped on the screen to go type and then wanted to tap out so I could see the name of the dog again. Yep. And when I tried to tap out, I hit that fire react. Fire. Oh, my God.

Yeah. So good. It's so good. My dog, my beautiful dog of nine years has passed away. We'll miss you, Floofy. Sleep. Sleep, Dean. Was Floofy-chromated?

Oh yeah Oh my god Most pets do You could have saved it By yeah Chromation's definitely The better way Did you

Oh my god Imagine sending the fire emoji And then being like We hope you're chromating Yeah It really is Just environmentally Because did you

Because you can unsend right But then you just hope They haven't seen it Nah because unsend's Only on Facebook Do you have fat fingers? I feel like in our group chat You can unsend, right, but then you just hope they haven't seen it. Nah, because unsend's only on Facebook. Do you have fat fingers? You can unsend a message on Instagram? In our group chat, Jared always unsends messages. Oh, yeah, because he always accidentally messages his girlfriend.

Yeah. Do you remember that time we got home to the hotel and cried to it? Oh, I love you. And he told us he loved us all. Snooki Pookies. Sleep well, Snooki Pookies. Night-night, night-night, Snooki Pookies. Yeah. We were all like, night-night, Snooki Pookies. And then he Snooki Pookies. Night night, night night, Snooki Pookies. Yeah.

We were all like, night night, Snooki Pookies. And then he unsent it, and I was like, well, now I'm not going to sleep well. Yeah. Why can't I night night, Snooki Pookies?

I haven't had my evening, Snooki Pookies. You can definitely unsend a reaction to a story. Well, you might be able to, but I just unfollowed them instead. You unfollowed them instead. Wait, wait.

Now that looks... You've got a story up at the moment, Hayley, on your Instagram I'll react to it now Okay ready And you tell me I thought you could

Change the reaction But not unsend it But wait where's the Oh if I go there Okay I'm gonna go fire To your second story Okay it just told me And I've seen it

Fire Okay hang on I'll try and unsend And see if that works So why is he doing that Fire My dog just died Yeah unsend

Unsend So yeah Oh and it's gone. It's gone. So I would have only seen it because I've got it open. You could do that. You didn't know, so you left the fire there. I left it and unfollowed them.

So one day they lost their dog and a follower. That's a hard day, man. That's a rough day. Jared, I didn't know that you unfollowed them. I panicked. I didn't want to be like. No, you just looked like such a dick. You didn't like press on it to see if you could unsend it?

It was like heat of the moment. I sent the fire. Knowing Jared, he would have tried to unsend it and he would have sent another fire or like an even worse thing. And then did you sleep well on this or did you go to bed riddled with guilt? I poured a big fireball. He loves his fireball. He loves his fireball. He loves his fireball.

Okay, for the record, you can unsend a reaction to a story. It's nice to know. Hey, we learn every day, don't we? Yeah, we do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Oh God, that sounded like ho, ho, ho. No, we're not doing another rendition of bloody we're getting to look a lot like Christmas.

My keys, and also I don't have a primary loop. Oh my God. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing another rendition of bloody. We're going to look a lot like Christmas. My keys. And also, I don't have a primary loop. Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've got to have a primary loop. It's got to be a bigger one. Your keys are a mess. It's got to be a, there's got to be like a carabiner or like a bigger primary loop and all the keys down that loop.

You need one loop. Now, I borrowed Hayley's keys yesterday to get into our shared locker because we hide our coffee lollies and treats and headphones there. And I was like, what are all these keys? And it's literally the Olympic rings. So I've got five rings, and then off those five rings are lots of keys and then more rings. And then I was like, I actually don't know.

So there's my key button. For the car. Thing. Yeah So there's my key button. For the car. Thing. Yeah. That's my house key. That's your locker key. That's my locker key. That's another one.

And then that's a funny looking one. What about your front door key? That's that there. Oh, that's that one. And we don't have a back door anymore. So you've got three keys that you know. Yeah. And then how many keys are left?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. And four rings that you don't need. Yeah. Like, literally, look at this mess. Like, that is... That is to my old house, I think. Wait, so you've got an old house that you sold or rented? I'll just open it up and be like, hello.

So those two are the same it appears when you were in a flat and you knew flight mates would come in you'd give them the key and then they'd leave but like anyone could copy those keys

they never changed a lot yeah on flats right see now these two are definitely the same I have a feeling these are to the old side door

which now doesn't exist right that's been demolished and the house you used to live in or the house you're in now? The house we're in now. Okay.

These two might be to Aaron's parents' house, but I'm not sure. No idea what that is. That's a padlock, that one. That's a padlock. Do you have a padlock at the gym? No, I've got a code. What's that?

Like, what's that funky thing? I've seen one of those. That looks like a security belt. One of these little round ones. You know when you used to have like a little diary that you'd put a lock on? Yeah, because it's short. It's not very deep, that key. Dead diary.

Dead diary. I don't. What's that one? That's definitely another house key. See, but that looks like the other. Wait, is that the flat before the house? Yeah, this. Oh.

This is the house. I've sold that house. I can come in at any moment and claim what's mine. Take the light fixtures. We wanted those. I don't know. I don't know. This is my brain.

Do you know I feel the same when I see people with massive, fat, chunky wallets or purses? Like, sort your life out. You don't need all these cards. But the receipts. You don't need all these cards. But the receipts. You don't need all the receipts. This is what I say to Aaron. Like, the keys, that's my brain.

You get in my car. You got in my car the other day. Oh, my God. That's my brain. It's your brain, yeah. And then you were like, went to go chuck something in the boot. And I was like, don't look. Don't look.

It's my wallet. Like, what is that? Oh, that's. What is that? I mean. Look at this. There's an old $20 note. To be fair. That ripped in half. I don't need it. I'll have that. Wait, no, I'll have that. I'll have that. an old $20 note that ripped in half.

I don't need it. Wait, no, I'll have that. I'll have that. I'll have that. I'll have half. No, I want all that. Do you each get half? As long as one half has a serial number on it.

She doesn't know that you can take the serial number to the bank and get the money. What? What? You're telling me I've been rocking around rich as, but I think there's a piece missing. No, you can... No, it doesn't matter as long as the serial number's there. Is the serial number intact? You got that around the wrong way. Oh, no. There piece missing. No, it doesn't matter as long as the serial number's there. Is the serial number intact? You got that around the wrong way.

Oh, no, here we go. Just sellotape that and you'll be fine. Take it to the bank. Really? Yeah. Well, I'm rich. Here you go. What's that?

Americano, flat white, eggs on toast, extra bacon, extra halloumi. Did you not know that, Colin? You can take it if a note's broken. You can take it. You can, right? You always... I learned it in economics at school. And if you've only got one of the two serial numbers on it,

they'd give you half the amount. Like if you had a $20 note and it was ripped in half and you only had half of it, they'd give you $10. As long as you present one whole serial number. I've got both serial numbers on this. I don't know if that's the case. Well, that's fine then. Down the bottom, down the third.

This is just... You can just take that in there and I'll just give you a new $20 note. Be like, something happened, this ripped. Also in my wallet, an orange chocolate Cadbury Rose wrapper. Holding on to that. No chocolate. Wait, okay, so the Reserve Bank of New Zealand on their website say that you can only return your old or damaged banknotes and coins

to our Wellington office. So get your fine in. I'm going down to Wellington next weekend. And and coins to our Wellington office. So get your fine in. I'm going down to Wellington next weekend. And go into the Reserve Bank office. Hello. $20, please. This is broken.

This one was a dud. Wait, wait. While you were there, would you be able to have a quick word with them about dropping the OCR back? Yeah. What was it, like 2021? Who do I got to talk to? Sorry, next. I'm going to flash these bad boys out.

Adrienne Orr's like, yeah, I'll have a look. Reception's like, Adrienne, there's another girl trying to show her your breasts at reception. She said if you put the OCR down, she'll show you her boobies. How are we feeling about that? Next, on the points to know from the Reserve Bank of New Zealand, they will not accept them in person. You cannot return currency to our Wellington office in person. You're not allowed to post money.

You can use a courier or postal service at your own risk. You're not supposed to post money. You can use a courier or postal service at your own risk. You're not supposed to post money. The postal service says, please don't post money. And then they're saying, please don't deliver it in person. I'm sure you used to be able to work at... And it will take 20... It will also take 20 days to process. I'm sure you used to be able to walk into a bank,

not the Reserve Bank, a bank. I'm going to give this to a window... Good luck finding one of those open. I'm going to give this to a window washer and make it his problem, not mine. $20? Yeah, here you go, mate. You could get the whole car cleaned for that. Yeah, yeah, scrub the back as well.

Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends that's how podcasts work ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley