ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 4th June 2024

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

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The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Oh, it's Tuesday. Oh, isn't that lovely? Oh, that's nice.

That's nice. That's nice. When's New Zealand going to become one of those countries that does a four-day work week? Asking for a friend. I don't know. I think a lot of people already do, don't they? I know. Some people do. Like work from home

on a Monday? Like that actually happens. I would do, I reckon, 47 minutes of work on a work from home day. Yeah, just kind of come into the lounge,

move the mouse. Move the mouse. Every half an hour. Answer some emails on my phone while I watch TV lying down. Yeah. That kind of come into the lounge, move the mouse. Move the mouse. Every half an hour. Answer some emails on my phone while I watch TV lying down. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. So it's a work from home dream.

Because when you go, you keep a mouse active, don't you? Yeah. I mean, we work like four hours a day. I think you can buy something on Teemu. Oh, yeah, and you sit on it and it's like a treadmill for the mouse and it goes in different directions. Wild, eh? That's good stuff. That is good stuff. And you sit on it and it's like a treadmill for the mouse and it goes in different directions. Wild egg. That's good stuff.

That's good stuff. That is good stuff. Whereas, you know, people like us with real physical demanding jobs. Really physically demanding jobs. We can't do that, can we? Didn't you do some physical work at the weekend? You were sore. I did a lot of concrete cutting yesterday.

Oh. And that's a horrible job. That's a big job. Shout out to anybody going to concrete cut today. The big sore looks like fun, but it's very heavy. Yeah. And concrete's a son of a bitch. You shouldn't be hurting yourself like that.

Concrete's a horrible... You're a delicate wee man. You are. He's just a little petal. A little bit. Sometimes the daisies have got to step up, you know. The daisies do. And do the job of a...

Of a cactus. Yeah. Or a coldie. The daisies do. And do the job of a... Of a cactus. Yeah. What a coldie. The top six is soon. You're dealing with toxic slugs, I believe, Vaughn. There's a warning that Wellington Harbour has toxic slugs. These are the ones that if you eat, your dog dies. Straight up.

No saving it. If your dog is like, whoa, what's that on the beach? And om nom nom. Are they those ones that squirt out? What are those? No, those are sea cucumbers. Have you ever made on the beach? And om nom nom. Are they those ones that squirt out, what are those? No, those are sea cucumbers. Have you ever made one of those? Squirt? No. Pretty funny. Toxic slugs.

What do they look like? How big are they? I hate slugs. I don't know. I think they're bigger than your average garden slug. Right. They look disgusting. Of the top six signs that the slug. Right, okay. They look disgusting. Yeah, well, I've got the top six signs that the slug you're dealing with is a toxic slug.

And this is Wellington's crawling with them. Well, I'm not crawling with them. It's like a crazy thing. They're on the beehive. Are they on the beehive? I'm taking over the beehive. Can't even see the beehive anymore. It's believed they've climbed up the nose

of various politicians. David Seymour. And taken control of their brains. David Seymour. That would explain so much. That would explain everything. So much. By the way, he's acting

Prime Minister this week. So thanks to the 5% of the country that helped make that a real thing. Do you reckon all I put to him is saying la la la la la la la la la King of the Castle. I am Prime Minister. Sitting in the chair just rocking back like yeah. And they said you wouldn't get anywhere, David.

Well, look at you now, David. All of those children being mean to you. I'll show them. I'll piss them in prison. When I pissed in my sleeping bag at school camp. And they made a joke, and look who's laughing now. We'll deal with that in the top six soon. But next on the show, an HR expert. Oh, yes.

On sick leave. Oh, thank God. I thought they were coming for us. No. I thought Vaughn's time was up. It's only a matter of time, baby. Woo! Who is this character?

Woo! He's a bad boy. He's the bad boy. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Well, Shannon found boy. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, Shannon found this. Okay. I feel like she's parking this for one morning.

Interesting. Maybe Friday? Could be Friday. Because we've got an awards on Thursday. I feel like this is a happy coincidence. I'll say it. Yeah, some of us forward plan. There's no need to punish that.

This is an HR like an HR what do you call them? Human resources. Yeah, but like a, what do you call them? HR expert. Answering, like doing a Q&A on some HR questions and somebody posed a question to her.

What if I'm hungover and don't feel like working? Is that a sick day? Interesting. And this is part of her reply. If you are hungover, you can take sick leave. So the reason for you being physically sick doesn't matter as much as the fact that you are sick, right? So if you have an employee who's hungover and they take a sick day, that's a legitimate request to sick leave.

If there's nothing you can really do to punish them for that, They are unwell, even if that was self-inflicted. Isn't that wild? I get that if you take a sick day, your employee can't really be like, why, what have you got? But I have definitely taken sick days in other jobs from hangovers, but I have not done it here. I have turned up at 5am come hell or high

water. Yeah, there's been a couple of awards nights or things that we've gone to the night before work, but you just know when you're waking up at 4 o'clock in the morning, you just can't be. Well, there you go. You've just got to go. But interesting. Well, now you don't anymore. Yeah, actually, this is great you brought that up. Even though got to go. But interesting. Well, now you don't anymore. Good on her. Yeah, actually,

this is great you brought that up. Even though it's self-inflicted. There's been some horrendous ones. What was the worst concert? Was it after Florence? Yeah, we were pretty bad after Florence. That was shocking.

We had to turn the lights off in the studio. We had to lie down. We got some nonnies delivered. We could have had a sick day. We could have just not come. It's not a good look when on your social media you're having the greatest night of your life,

you're at a concert or you're wherever you are, and then the next day you're like, I can't work because I'm sick. Yeah, I mean, if it was a habit, if it was like all five to ten of your sick days are being taken as a hangover, you're taking the piss a little bit. But according

to her, it shouldn't matter, right? No. Even if it's self-inflicted. Good luck. Do you know this, I know that you guys will be well behaved, but we were laughing, Carwin and I, that because I can't come to this awards ceremony that you guys are going to. On Thursday. And on Friday I might be a little bit holier than thou.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Wow, so that would make a change. That would actually make a change. Yeah Thursday. And on Friday, I might be a little bit holier than thou. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Wow, so that would make a change. That would actually make a change. Yeah. As me being like, I actually... I've actually got fingers crossed for a midweek COVID diagnosis. Oh, can you not curse?

I've got something to do today. Right. But then tomorrow, I could test positive and skip this awards ceremony. I'm not a huge fan of these. No, you don't love them. You don't like any social kind of thing, do you?

No. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Ring, ring, hello COVID hotline. Ring, ring, ring. I would like to order one dose of COVID because I had the booster shot last week.

Oh, well, your timing's wrong. You should have got your booster. No, but I can still get a mild case, can't I? Yeah, I mean. Go on. Never say never. Go on. I should never say never. Go on. I mean, technically, even if you have a little sniffle,

you're not supposed to come into work these days. Because this is two years ago now since I had it. Yep. And then last year had it around April and haven't had it since. I just got my. Oh, am I tempting fate? You're damn right I am. Tomorrow, 8 a.m., COVID vaccine.

COVID positive test, please. When I got mine last week, the lady said, oh, this is your sixth one. Jabs. You're addicted to jabs. I'm addicted to jabs. Totally addicted to jabs. Next on the show.

What is the most attractive length of a member? Of parliament. A member of parliament? A member of genitals as decided by women worldwide. Oh. Well, they've come to a consensus. A unanimous agreement. Okay.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now, there was a major study done worldwide, well, asking people worldwide out of the University of California. Okay. About, and they asked women who are considered heterosexuals. Okay. Women who love the boys.

So no dabblers? They didn't ask any dabblers? Any bisexuals? They didn't. Well, I suppose you could have, they could have asked bisexuals, but they were asking specifically what women prefer

when it comes to the length. Chef. Chef. No, women don't prefer chef, meow. Cats prefer chef. You've got the most of it. Cats prefer chef. Women prefer risotto and wine.

No, length and shape. What do you mean shape? Well, like... Of the pain. Like bending, going this way, going that way. Little wiggle, squiggle, little straight. I mean, everybody wants a pigtail. I don't know if they do.

Like a duck. That would be difficult. Okay, what do you guess lengthwise? To look at. To have and to hold. From this day forward. Sickness and health. As long as we both shall live.

That's what the wedding valves mean. That's what it means. It's got to be six inches tall. I love how you've got out your tape measure. Can you give it to me in centimetres? That's 15 tape measure. Can you give it to me in centimetres? That's 15 centimetres. Can you give it to me in centimetres? 15.

16. Oh, there you go. You were very bad at it. Do you know what's interesting? 16 centimetres, 6.3 inches, was the preferred length for long-term partners. Slightly bigger for one off experiences which is interesting. Yeah.

You don't want that knocking at the door every day. Every day. And just looking at that on a tape measure it doesn't look that long but if you put some girth on that Yeah. You're longer than a toilet roll. You're longer than a toilet roll.

Yep. Like girth we've gone. I don't know how a woman, basically they did it. Also, like, is someone calling you up from the University of California? Hello, miss. I'm just conducting a survey. They gathered people for a study and then they showed them a bunch. Right. And then so they weren't like, oh, yes, I'd love to take part in this study.

I'll go, can I have a vote for 16 centimetres and 12.2 circumference? Because you wouldn't know. What's the circumference? 12.2. Was the preferred circumference. What's the circumference of your microphone? That's what I was trying to work out. No, circumference, don't you have to go around?

You have to wrap it around. You're going diameter. I was going to use maths. He's doing maths. Can you do maths on that? He's using the radius, my dude. Oh, I didn't do pi. Pi was going to use maths. He's doing maths. Can you do maths on that? He's using the radius. It's what pi is, my dude. Oh, I didn't do pi.

Pi. Pi is 3.141. The diameter times pi equals the circumference. You just wrap the tape measure around. Yeah, I know I'm going to do that, but then I was going to look and it'd be a bit flash. Stop showing off with your pi. He's a bit flash with his bloody pi and stuff.

So at the skinniest part, that's 15 at the skinniest part, so it's a little bit skinnier than that. And what did you say was the ideal? Okay. Yeah, that's a lot. Hold on, I could wrap the... That's quite a the skinniest part So it's a little bit skinnier than that Was the ideal That's quite a lot this microphone So that It's 6 inches Right Oh yeah

It's the girth that'll get you Is it Vaughn? It's the girth that'll get you It'll get you The girth that'll get you. It'll get you. The girth that'll get you. That's what'll get you. Adds a lot of volume. Adds a lot of volume.

Yes. I think it's a very funny discovery from this study that people want it bigger for like just a one-off fun time. Yeah, to see if they can. But when you're thinking about the person you want to marry and shag forevermore, you're like, oh, give me lovely and average, please. Was the girth the same for both?

No, bigger. So what was the girth? 12.7. Oh, so not a whole lot bigger. But big enough. Yeah, big enough. Big enough for you? With the added volume with that extra girth and that extra length,

you're probably getting 25% extra. Yeah. 30% for free. Like when you get one of those chocolate bars and they've got a special, they're like a little bit longer. It's a little, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a 20% extra.

Yeah. And you don't do those every day. No, you don't have them every day. I'm happy with just your regular picnic. Now shape, this is interesting. Okay. I reckon with a slight, like a road cone,

tapering. Jesus. What are you talking about? That's madness. This is woman. reckon with a slight Like a road cone Tapering Jesus What are you talking about That's madness This is woman Yes slope This is woman They want to No no no

I know that's what I thought But they want it down Head sloped Downward From the end Angled Ever so slightly Like a curve

A slight curve Oh yeah Yeah No It's going the wrong way Yeah Interesting Reverse cowgirl so slightly. Like a slight curve. Oh yeah. Yeah. No, it's going the wrong way. Reverse cowgirl. You'd have to swing around on that one. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well there you go. Well that's university

science right there. There you go. Exactly. You're welcome. And if you don't meet that, that's also fine. Because it's the girth that'll get you. Someone said pi times diameter is area. You're wrong. That's radius squared. I don't know.

R2 times pi. We didn't have maths at my school. No, but R2 is the diameter. Radius is only that and double that is the diameter. Radius squared. It's radius times radius, not just two of the radius. I trust Hayley. She went to a private school.

No, no, no, don't. I was wrong there. Okay. How to work out... She's wrapping her mouth around a 12 centimetre opening on her water bottle. No, that's much thinner.

Pass it here. I don't reckon it is. We don't need to measure Hayley's... Let's get Diana around here. No, go around the centre. Okay, we're just measuring the opening of the drink bottle. 12.7 centimetres.

Hayley Jane Sproul. It's good to get a little physical reference. Okay. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. The Greyside Guild Sea Slug, or... They are sea slugs that contain a toxic substance,

detrodotoxin, which can be poisonous to dogs and children. Oh, gross that your dog would eat one worse than your kid would be. What have you got in your mouth? Just a slug. These are apparently a problem in Wellington. In Wellington, they've been spotted in the waters. They wash up on the beach. Dogs, they must have a smell to them. You know what dogs are like. Dogs are dum-dums.

They'll eat anything. They'll eat a lot of stuff that they definitely shouldn't. But they are toxic and they'll get you. So I've got the top six signs that the slug you just found in Wellington Harbour is a toxic slug. Okay. Number six on the list. They just left a real passive-aggressive note on the flat fridge rather than just

dealing with, you know, the problem. Yeah. That is toxic behaviour. It is, yeah. To give away, actually. That is passive, being passive-aggressive, and it is, it's a toxic behaviour. Number five on the list of the top six signs the slug you've found in Wellington Harbour is a toxic slug. When discussing a recent disagreement, they tell you you're remembering it all wrong, like you always do, because you're forgetful.

Yeah. That is gaslighting from the slug. And that is a toxic slug behaviour. It is. That is. Don't stand for it. No. You tell that slug.

You say slug, that's not how I remember it. Number four on the list. The top six signs the slug you're dealing with that you found on Wellington Harbour is a toxic slug. They were afraid to express their feelings because they don't want to be called a sissy and they always have to uphold their parents for being a tough guy.

That is toxic masculinity. Yeah. And that is a toxic slug behaviour. It's good to know the signs. Yeah. It's really good to know. Yeah. Lots of iron pack there. Yeah.

Maybe passed down generationally. Yeah, gosh. Never had a male role model in their life that was open to crying, you know? Yeah. Toxic slugs, the men, they often shuffle away

and they leave their toxic slug babies alone to fend for themselves and be the man of the house. They do. And then the cycle continues. Number three on the list of the top six signs you're dealing with a toxic slug in Wellington Harbour. They're just slugging around having a grandiose sense of self-importance.

That is narcissistic toxic slug behaviour. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. I just... God, they're bad, aren't they? That's a bad one. That's a particularly...

A wonder. ...hard one to deal with. Number two on the list of the top six signs you're dealing with a toxic slug in Wellington Harbour is the slug doesn't want you catching up with your mates because she thinks they're a bad influence and she just wants you to stay home with her eating some seaweed. That is isolating you. Yeah, it is. And that is toxic behaviour.

Yeah. So the females can be toxic as well. Oh, don't you believe it? It's not just the men. It's not just the men. It's not just the men. I would have thought it was. That's toxic behaviour. Is it?

Am I a toxic slug? You're a toxic slug. Oh my God. And number one on the list. Actually, that's the nicest thing he's ever said to you. That I'm a toxic slug. It is the nicest thing he's said about me. And that is toxic.

That's toxic. That's toxic. God, everything's toxic. We're on a toxic spin. And number one on the list of the toxic signs the sluggy found in Wellington Harbour is a toxic slug. It refuses to share anything it deems to belong to itself. That is selfish. Not shellfish.

That's something else you might find in Wellington Harbour. Right. Which would probably also be toxic. I don't know if I'd eat any shellfish gathered from Wellington Harbour. It's not the best harbour. No. It's a bit murky, isn't it? It's a bit freezing cold. That is toxic slug behaviour.

That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Ailey. Play ZM. If you were planning a wedding in 2024, listen up. I'm not. So this information is useless to me. But 2025, surely. Oh, surely.

Because like every year you think it's the year. It's the year. And then it's not the year. So these are more answers to questions like the do's and don'ts, the etiquette for these weddings. Okay. Should brides give speeches these days? Yes. When have you ever let a man

talk for you before? Why would you let her do it on your wedding day? Now that's kind of an old tradition right? That the man speaks and then the bride doesn't say anything. Yeah. She's just there to look pretty. The weddings I've been to where the bride didn't speak is because she just did not want to. I think that's the...

Like, terrified of public speaking. Whereas my other friend, like, her husband was terrified, so she just did it. Yeah. Like, it's more, it should be more about that rather than, like... Did your wife, your wife didn't speak? No. Oh, God, no.

You're literally a professional speaker. Yeah. And even then, it's a nervy... Yeah. It's a nervy day for a speech. Yeah, some people don't like it at all. They don a professional speaker. Yeah. And even then, it's a nervy day for a speech. Yeah, some people don't like it at all. They don't like it. Yeah. But don't let it be a gendered thing. We're not doing big, thick, printed invitations sent to your mailbox.

That's gone. And they say because it's just a real waste of money. So you've got to save the date. That's in the mail. Yeah. Then the invitation. Then we're doing. So you've got to save the date. That's in the mail. Yeah. Then the invitation. Then we're doing the thank you notes. It all adds up.

Yeah. They're like, just send an email. Because if you send an invitation, chances are you're going to have to send an e-invite anyway to chase people up. Yeah. Like, hey, did you receive? You know, so just like do it all online. Websites.

They're the best. Yeah. And they're free. And they're free. And they're free. Yeah, when you do those wedding websites, it's just like a free domain. Do you have to pay a little to take the pop-ups? Oh, yeah.

Dub, dub, dub, dub. Do you want your wedding invite having a pop-up? Or an ad in the middle of it? Nearby. Yeah, nearby. Nearby. Grannies within 300 metres. Single grannies need fun too.

Yeah, it's better to pay. Sorry, guys, about the whole website thing. We didn't really realise. We're trying to save some money. Oh, God, the things your father saw, Hayley. Can we ask guests to buy their own drinks? Absolutely. Not.

Most people understand that weddings are hugely expensive Don't invite that many people Cut the guest list You cannot ask people to pay for booze at your wedding Wait, this is a wedding trend Yeah People paying for their own drinks In 2024, we're A-OK with that

They're saying couples should be as generous as possible And if that is not within your means to pay for people's drinks, then you just ask them to do it. Don't expect people to stay late then if people are paying for drinks. You guys are going. I'm out of money, man. I've had three wines and it's cost me $40. BYO?

Yeah, BYO or wedding. If you get enough of the heads up, BYO or wedding. But don't cash bar me at a wedding. BYO wedding. If you get enough of the heads up, BYO wedding, but don't cash bar me at a wedding. BYO dangerous though, because you're always like, God, it's going to be a long day. Maybe we should bring three bots. Oh, I'll bring three. And then it's too much.

Yeah. And you're just sitting there. We're not asking for cash anymore. We're not asking for little gifts, you know, like you being at the wedding should be enough most weddings say that like they know

that you're travelling or you're spending a lot on a dress or a suit that's right nabo you want muns huns

oh it's fine now I'm done but yeah actually it's a bad idea to ask for cash for a wedding now how rude of them

now that you're only ever a guest yeah actually did right now that you to ask for cash for a wedding now. How rude of them. Now that you're only ever a guest. Yeah, actually, Dan, now that you got all that cash for your wedding, you don't want to give other people. Yeah, fair. I have not given cash at a wedding for years. Even if they say, like, if you want to donate to the thing, I never do.

Oh, Hayley. I know. And you're rich. Seemingly. Loaded. Seemingly. Iaded. Seemingly. I had the appearance of having lots of money. Aha.

It's all in the house. No, I'm just like, man, I'm happy to show you how much I've spent on this, that, and the other thing. Also, they don't care. It's weird giving your friends cash. Especially, like, I've been to weddings of friends who are, likeians You know, theatre makers They're not doing well for themselves And they're like oh god I had to put $50 in an envelope Don't do that, that would mortify me Yeah

Should you still expect your parents to pay? No But if they want to Especially if you have Really specific dreams around what your day looks like And then you're like I want you to pay for that But I also want all. Especially if you have really specific dreams around what your day looks like. Yeah. And then you're like, I want you to pay for that. But I also want all my friends to come to Rarotonga.

But daddy, please. But daddy. We're banning kids. But if you're banning kids, you've got to make sure that it's one rule for everyone. Not like, oh, but my sister's kids can come. No, but they're family. They're like nieces and nephews.

No, they're saying no. Things can get ugly. You're going to say someone's going to get shitty at a wedding. They're like, my kids are going can come. No, but they're a family. They're like nieces and nephews. No, they're saying no. Things can get ugly. What, you're going to say someone's going to get shitty at a wedding and they're like, my kids aren't allowed to come? Yeah, because your kids have got no relation

to the bride and groom. I know, but they're saying like what if this person has spent like half the bloody, you know, week's salary on a babysitter and then they're sat next to a high chair.

They didn't have to come. Yeah. We're not only having dad give away the bride, even the idea of the father giving away his daughter. Yeah, when you think of it, that's a bit odd. Now, I would still, you know, like I like the idea of it, but, you know, we're not married to the idea of it. Should the groom's parents

put their hands in their pockets? I was like, what is this? These are the, if you've just joined us, the etiquette for the weddings. Yes. If your parents, if the bride's parents, but this is very heteronormative and I apologise. Okay. Cancelled. Cancelled. On a Tuesday.

In a heteros... I never thought it would happen on a Tuesday. On a Tuesday In a heteros On a I never thought it would happen On a Tuesday On a Tuesday I always thought you'd be cancelled On a Thursday I thought

No you don't want to be cancelled On a Friday Because people have forgotten About it by Monday Oh yeah And you'll be dealing With all the bullshit Over the weekend

You want to get cancelled On a Monday Take a nice quiet week Be back the next week Okay I'll take it today I'll take it today The vibe is If you're if there is a

bride and a groom in a wedding scenario and the bride's parents are contributing, then the groom's parents should as well. Because it used to just be like the bride's family would pay. Like a dowry? Yeah, that's old fashioned.

Look, there's so many. To hat or not to hat? Are we still wearing hats? Well, as bald men, we need a hat in summer, don't we? Or summer wedding, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. We're not talking your lovely fedoras and your cheese cutters. We're talking your fascinators and, you know,

the mother of the bride sort of those big hats. Oh, the mums have to wear those. No, they're out. They are out. Rules for guests. Can we wear white? Definitely not still. Oh, no,ums have to wear those. No, they're out. They are out. Rules for guests. Can we wear white? Definitely not still. Oh, no.

Of course not. I know, but you see it all the time on TikTok being like, well, look at this chick here. She's literally wearing a wedding dress. Anyway, do you know what? If you're getting married, do what you want. Yeah, and if you want to save money, just don't go. Don't go.

You don't have to go. Yeah, true. You don't have to go. You don't have to have kids. Yeah, that's you don't have to go. You don't have to have kids. You don't have to go. Yeah, that little pole. Today's silly little pole. Oh, yep, go.

Well, this comes to us, this idea from the back of a UK study that found a quarter of adults don't know how to ride a bike and 28% can't swim. Wow. Swimming requires special equipment. Like the sea or a pool. But is swimming in the New Zealand, like, curriculum? Yes. Yeah. Because we literally live on a skinny little island surrounded by water.

And, like, back in the day, like, every school had a pool, didn't they? Yeah. They weren't cheap to upkeep, and that's how most of them lost them. And all of our friends had pools as well, didn't they? Yeah. They weren't cheap to upkeep, and that's how most of them lost them. And all of our friends had pools as well, didn't they? No. Didn't they?

All of our friends had pools. I've literally never had a pool in my life. We had a para pool growing up, and Dad built a deck around it. So everyone always thought, oh, that's a flash pool. And then they'd jump in, and they'd be like, wait a minute. It's plastic. Wait a goddamn minute. And we'd be like, gotcha.

Gotcha. Love that. Gotcha. It's an above-ground we'd be like, gotcha. Gotcha. Love that. Gotcha. It's an above ground pool with a deck built around it. Gotcha. Can you ride a bike? 97% of New Zealand respondees, or just people actually, we've got international people on our Instagram as well.

Hello. 97% said yes. 3% said nay. Nay, I can't even. Interesting. Interesting. Don't want to brag, but I can also ride a bike

with no hands. If it's straight, no bumps, minimal traffic. I used to love doing that. When I was a kid, I could do that.

But now I'm like too scared. I'm like, whoop. We saw a kid at the weekend riding a bike and he was doing that thing where he'd drop

one hand and you could really see he wanted to let go with the second hand, but he was just a little bit wary. And we were like, do it. No hands.

No hands. Because we were sitting on a deck overlooking where they were riding their bikes. And then his dad, like, cycled to catch up with him, and he's like, don't you dare. I was like, oh, your dad doesn't want to have to deal with. I'm not riding this time. I hate my bike. Alan says, I learned as a kid but forgot.

Oh, it's like riding a bike. It's like riding a bike. It's actually where the saying comes from. Yeah. Get back on the bike. It's like an elephant. That's the other saying. Get back on the bike.

Yeah. Originally, get back on the horse before bike training. And then we turn it into a bike. You could start on one of those crocodile, in Wellington, you know, you can hire those crocodile bikes. You've got three other people doing the heavy lifting and you know you've got

four wheels it's good to move your legs a bit and then get a tricycle so you move down to three wheels then two wheels of a bicycle then a unicycle two wheels with training wheels

then just two wheels no because you're going from three wheels back to back to yeah but those wheels there's always one yeah they're never even

they're never even you lean over I could probably ride in a semi-straight line if you sent me off into the old wide open space but nowhere near a road

says Hayley absolutely not like a runway a lot of space either side yeah an old abandoned air force base

yes love that better be for her Dutchie says I'm Dutch of course I can ride a bike anyone under three years old that can't ride a bike

is immediately thrown out of our country. Yeah. That's good, isn't it? Where do they go? Next door. Next door. Belgium. Belgium.

That's why a lot of people in Belgium can't ride bikes. Because they've got the Dutch cast. Owen says, is this another life skill that one of the girlies hasn't clocked? Is that why you're asking? It gives big Shannon vibes. It does give big Shannon can't ride a bike vibes. No, I can't. Yeah.

Yeah. What did you do when everybody else was at school and they were on bikes? I grew up on the golf course, so we couldn't ride them on the turf. My dad would lose his mind. We had a golf cart. Sorry. Oh. That's nice.

Wow. That's nice. Okay, so she's good with a golf cart, but not a bike. Yeah. Okay. Mel says, I think so. It's been 17 years since I last rode a bike. I assume I could do it in a life or death situation.

That's so weird. I ride a bike like every week. Yeah, but you do it for exercise. Yeah. I bought a bike a few years back and it was horrible. The hills. Because I bought a cute bike, not an actual good road bike. Not one with gears.

I don't regularly ride a bike, but I could definitely just jump on a bike and ride a bike. Yeah. Yeah. I'd even back myself to ride a penny farthing. Oh, no, too tall for me. Getting up onto it. Step on the back thing.

You hop. There's a guy at the Mount who rides a penny farthing on the Broadway. What does he do when he gets to the speed bumps? Well, I saw him coming, so I took my phone out, and I wanted to take a photo of him. And as I was running past, I took a photo, and then he was like, hey, do you want me to stop so you can get a better one? I was like, no.

No, thank you. I'm never going to look at this photo ever again. Keep going. I just want to send it to my mates and be like, look what I saw. Do penny farthings have little training wheels on the back? No, it's got a little wheel on the back and a big wheel on the front. And you pedal the front wheel. Yeah.

Imagine stopping's a real pain in the ass. Yeah, it doesn't look fun. No. It doesn't look fun. No. My heart breaks for the 3% with the saddest childhood ever who never learnt to ride bikes. Says Tessa. Yeah.

But then also people might have grown up in big cities and... Yeah. Or just Africa. Do they not have bikes in Africa? I think you'd be more likely to ride a bike in Africa. You'd get stuck on the sand. Yeah. My friend who moved from Africa and he couldn't swim or ride a bike.

I saw a meme last week that was like Africa in American movies and it was what you're saying and then it was like Africa in reality and it was like this big sprawling city that looked quite modern. Producer Jared grew up in Africa. Did you ride a bike? Oh, yeah. 100%. Now, how did you go on the sand?

Yeah, we had special sand tires. Where was the lions? Fat tires. Fatty. Fat safari tires. Yeah, we had Africa's where the e-bike was invented to outpace the roaming lions and whatnot. Of course.

Good stuff. Okay. Charlotte says, I never got taught. My parents saw my sister and said I was too clumsy. 33 and I still can't. I was the person that walked around Amsterdam. She's one of the 3%. She's one of the 3%.

I feel I've not been able to ride a bike as an adult. It's cold child energy. You're right, actually. They were probably too cold to get out there on their bike, even with a singlet on and a head full of rocks. Oh, yeah. That's a little part. Play ZM's rocks. Oh, yeah. That silly little poem. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Okay. So we've talked about this sort of ongoing, the male contraceptive. At first it was a pill. Yep. Then it was a gel. Because the pill made the boys upset. Oh, there were a few side effects.

And we were like, well, surely we can wait until they sort out the side effects and then take it. Let's keep the ladies on it for now. Yeah. Ruining their lives. Because your one's fine. There's no side effects at all, right? No.

Not at all. Famously. It's just been a joy. And they've got all those cute names. Yeah. Jennifer and. Yeah, Jeanette. La Squisha.

Yeah, La Squisha. I was on La Squisha. You were on La Squisha for a while. La Squisha made me a little sassy though. Did it?ette. La Squisha. Yeah, La Squisha. I was on La Squisha. You were on La Squisha for a while. La Squisha made me a little sassy though. Did it? Yeah, I was going to change.

Well, this was a gel, you may remember, and the gel is the consistency of like a hand sanitizer and you would get a little pump into your hand and rub it into each shoulder blade once a day.

On the shoulder blades? That's not where babies are made. No. That'll be where their problems are. That'll be where their side effects. That's why I have never been pregnant. Vaughan's race is a great point there. Why do you think rubbing on it,

just dip the balls straight in the... Yeah. Hold it up. You'd think you'd rub it on the balls. Get a pot of it and go whoop. Yeah, like when you're a kid and you get a pot of gel for your hair. This is all I'm imagining.

I'm imagining you just slowly lowering your balls into it. No. Like the Terminator in Terminator 2 when he goes under in the molten liquid metal. I don't, it's,

I don't know why it's the shoulder blades. Does that get into the bloodstream faster? Yeah, maybe. You want to hit the gums if you want to get into the bloodstream faster.

Is it because even if you had a bit of weight that would still be, I don't know, neck, throat, gums? Yeah, I don't know, neck, throat, gums? Yeah, I don't know. They could do a lip balm. Lip balm would be nice.

Yeah, up the bum. Yeah, pump up the bum. So it combines Nestorone into testosterone. Nestorone. That's that chocolate drink, isn't it? Oh, I love a bit of Nestorone. I prefer banana, but I'll go chocolate. Yeah.

It keeps men from producing sperm without affecting their sex drive. I'm so glad for you. Without affecting your sex drive or causing other side effects. And apparently, we're getting really close. It's been doing long trials and it's proving very effective. As a guy that signs up to these trials, you've obviously got a regular partner, right? Yeah, you have to be out there doing it.

Is it like, would you be in a couple that you'd be okay if you got a kid out of it? Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're also, I don't know if they're testing your- No, they'd be testing your sperm count. They wouldn't be testing whether or not you get someone pregnant.

It'd be like, use this gel and then send us a sperm sample. Use this gel and then just call us when you get pregnant. Because then they just went fast and lose their babies. You're still with your partner, right? You'd imagine she's on. Yeah. So, right here. Yes, they test the sperm on a regular basis,

but male participants are required to be in a committed monogamous relationship and need consent from their female partners too. The couple must agree to use the gel as their only birth control. Oh! And to have sex. That's insane! And to have sex at least once a month. Oh God, exhausting. Once a month for a year.

For a year? Throughout the study, the men have their sperm counts. That's 12 times. Oh no, thank you. Oh my God. Who's doing that? How are you guys going to cope with that? Oh, I couldn't possibly add that much in. Throughout the study, men have their sperm counts tested periodically. So it is also a little bit playing fast and loose with you. Right.

So the trials have been so far, like, pretty good. Very good. Very minimal. Have they said if anyone's got pregnant? No. Okay. No. Very minimal Have they said if anyone's got pregnant? No Okay No But they

The level of sperm varies Right Huh So there is a chance So for some it works really well And others not so much Yeah well now they're saying It's like 99.8% effective

Which is more than the pill Yeah Which is like 97% But that always comes down to whether or not you take it. Or you don't. Do you know if they want that extra few percent? Straight to the balls. Straight to the balls.

Straight to the balls. Dip the balls. Dip the balls. That could be up to you. You could do the blades and the balls. But do you know like a pill is a pill, so you take it. Yeah. You don't take two pills just because.

No. But if you're rubbing on contraceptive gel, you're going to go more than you need, right? Because you want to make sure you're putting it on. That's what I mean when they say, you know when any product, they say a pea-sized amount, you're like, get effed.

Yeah. And you're slathering your blades in this contraceptive gel, just to be extra safe. I don't know. I'm also like, will it be funded? Like, will it be cheap? Or will it be,

because you know with the oral contraceptive pill, there's lots of different kinds that service lots of different needs. Yeah. Whereas with this, it seems like there's only one. Because, like, some pills are good if you've got this and some pills are good if you've got that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this one, it's like, are they going to fund it?

This is why I will just stop. Just don't have Just abstinence Don't have abstinence Certainly not 12 times a year Jesus calm down What are you animals in the wild? What is this?

Filing for GST? Jesus Are you kidding me? Give the woman a break Do you know what I mean? So On Friday We We had a lovely Friday, we had a lovely lunch. Oh, we had a lovely lunch.

We had a lovely lunch, darling. We invited Vaughan, but you had things to do. He had things to do. He was also heading off to his own lovely social occasion. And then Dr. Shawnee and yourself, Fletch, and I headed home via Rosene. Got some paint. God, we were like, it was like mum doing chores. She was like, mum, we just want to get home.

We're in PlayStation. I just need a swing pass. I just need a swing pass, Rosene. And then we're in the car for like 10, 15 minutes while she's getting paint. I'm just going to pop into the garden centre because it's next door. She's like, I just seen some potting mix. And we're like, ma'am, here we are. I did.

As I left the car, I literally said, be nice to your brother because they were having a fight about music. She did leave the window down, which was nice. I left the window down. I'm a responsible woman. Did she leave the cigarette lighter in? Yes. That's how I got the scar on my finger, playing with that when mum wasn't in the car. That's right. No, mine's got a charger in it anyway.

Anyway, so we went, we had some nice little casual drinks and our friend of the show, Todd, came over. Now, you may remember Toddy is moving overseas and is selling everything. Yeah, we talked about when he sold his Mini and you remember the guy wanted the... The feet pics.

Yeah. Of him driving the Mini and the camera down in the footwell just focused on the foot actions. Wild. Truly actions. Wild. Truly wild. Yeah. And I think that was, where was he selling that?

Trade Me, eh? That was a Trade Me. That was Trade Me. That was a Trade Me creepo. But he's been selling a few things via Facebook Marketplace, which people are going to more because Trade Me prices have gone up.

Yeah. But then you get the weirdos on Marketplace and the scammers. It's too wild for me. Yeah, you can't win. But then you get the weirdos on Marketplace and the scammers. It's too wild for me. Yeah, you can't win. No, you can't win. Also, I don't like it when I see friends posting

like things for sale. It's weird. You can hide it from friends. Yeah, you should hide your list because you can do that, right? It's embarrassing. It's odd. Like that time you tried

to sell a wakeboard. I'm like... Well, I just really thought I was going to get into it. I said, yeah, you need a friend with a wakeboarding boat though. Don't just buy the board and hope for the rest to happen. I just had this board thought I was going to get into it. I said, yeah, you need a friend with a wakeboarding boat, though. Don't just buy the board and hope for the rest to happen.

I just had this board and I was like, now what? And then you went with your friends just around the road to own a jet ski. And that wasn't throwing out enough wake, of course. You just looked like a plonker. I know. But also, like, the river near my house, it's constantly dry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You went out on a high tide, of course.

Then the tide changed and you couldn't get all the way back in. Literally wedged in the mud. You had to be wedged out by the Westpac helicopter. Oh, yeah. And I said, wakeboarding's not for everybody.

Yeah, and then I said, we'll chuck this on Marketplace. Anyway, that was a whole period of my life I'm not getting back. Todd was selling a sound bar, like, you know, for your TV

and your movies and stuff. Okay, mum, thanks for that description. I know, how embarrassing. I heard it come out. I heard it come out. You know when you're watching your TV and your movies and your Netflixes. Because most televisions do have a built-in system, but sometimes if you want to enhance the sound, you get this long bar,

and it really makes the movie sound good. Anyway, he got a message. I can't even remember how much he was charging for it. Reasonable. Say a hundred bucks or something. No, I think it was only a couple of hundred bucks. Yeah, a couple of hundred bucks for a sound bar, which is a steal. Someone straight up messages him and was like, I've got some MDMA.

Do you want that instead? Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Try to do a shifty drug exchange. I've got drugs for your soundbar Yeah, wild eh MDMA for a soundbar Get a grip

I don't know, what does MDMA go for I don't know How does it come I don't know, in a package In a bag Don't ask me, I don't know I'm going to ask some questions MDMA is ecstasy isn package? I don't know about drugs. I don't know. I'm going to ask some questions. Is it a pill?

Is it a powder? Is it a pure? But like. Now I'm looking up drugs. Like how ballsy is this guy? Like he doesn't know that Todd's not a cop. A cop or like married to a cop or whatever. Just straight up messages being like.

And also messages from his Facebook profile. I was going to say, was he in the profile picture with like his kids or? It's just wild. How much does MDA cost in New Zealand? Well, you have a friend that works. You should ask your drug friend. I should ask my drug friend. By the way, she works with the police as a forensic scientist.

Not I've got a friend that's a druggie and I'll just ask her how much. Why have you opened up WhatsApp? Just to be careful. How much does MDMA cost? I don't know. Why are you asking her on Snapchat? I don't know anything about WhatsApp, about drugs, but I know when someone's opening up WhatsApp

and they're not usually opening up WhatsApp, they're about to be very naughty. It looks, oh no, that's 2018. It was just wild. 2018, I tell you what, I bet inflation's hit MDMA. $250 a gram. Well, it's equivalent to a soundbar, obviously. That was a steal.

Somebody messaged in, I was selling an iPhone 4 recently. First of all, where did you get that from? An iPhone 4? That was my first iPhone. Surely you mean 14. Surely that means iPhone 14. You must do. Recently, and I got offered a puppy instead of the cash I wanted.

Would you consider swapping this phone for a puppy? No, a puppy is a huge burden. A wild burden. But how cute's the puppy? Yeah, no, because if they're given away for free, I don't think it's going to be a cute dog. And also, you know they've stolen that puppy from someone's backyard. That or they are being so irresponsible with their dog spading and neutering

that this dog goes wandering and comes back pregnant and has another batch of puppies. Shannon's got an iPhone 4. She's got the big square-ass charger on the bottom. What is that? It's the old ZM phone. They found it and it's sitting over here. It's got the big, like, look how big the charger is. Does it still have photos of Polly and Grant on it?

I was going to say, that must be one of the oldest serving ZM employees because I'm pretty sure it passed the form when we got here. Turn it on. Oh, my God. Yeah, Brie and Clint figured out the passcode. I don't even know how to turn it on. My guess is it was 9191. It's at the top, the power button.

Oh, yeah, power nut. Oh, my God, it's got the thick charger at the bottom. That's amazing. The big wine, it looks like an iPod. Okay, how much are they going for? I don't know, a puppy apparently. We could get a ZM puppy. No.

Now you're talking. Whose responsibility is that? Someone said MGMA costs $200 to $250 a gram, depending where we are in New Zealand. That's wild though that people are on Marketplace doing swapsies. Okay, here's an iPhone 4 original box and manuals on Trade Me

going for 80 buck. Who wants that? $80? Original box, that's that person who kept the box. Yeah. People kept the box.

Anyway, it's safe to say a friend of the show, Todd, ignored that message. Yes, and still has a soundbar for sale and he leaves in, what, three weeks, two weeks? Well, he might not have a soundbar for sale and he leaves in what, three weeks? Two weeks? He might not have a job to go to because also

later in the night, he did have a job interview which one, he got the time wrong on Zoom to the UK. He got the time wrong and was like, oh shoot it's 7.30 our time. We're like, what's the time? It's like 7.25 or something. We're like, shit! So you had to use your spare room to do a Zoom interview.

Use my spare room and then we were like, shit. So you had to use your spare room to do a Zoom interview. Use my spare room and then we were like, okay, we'll be quiet. But then Avril Lavigne started playing. Why you got to go and make things so complicated? Well,

I'd say we're about to hit one of our Queenstown peaks. Winter, big time in Queenstown. Love it. Summer, another big time in Queenstown. Love it. Summer, another big time in Queenstown. Autumn and spring, also pretty big times in Queenstown. It's a great place to be any time of the year, isn't it?

Yeah, beautiful spot. It's gorgeous, actually. Autumn. Spring. Oh, my gosh. Winter. Spring leading into summer. Autumn leading into winter.

It's perfect. You can see why so many tourists flock there. A TikToker called Mia who is a Polish-British A Polish-Brit A Polish-Brit She's both Polish and British Sounds like a dog breed. She's a Polish-British She's a Polish-British oodle.

I'm just reading what it says. The Polish hyphen British woman has been on an adventure around New Zealand and she had this to say about Queenstown. Guys, I just got to Queenstown and this place is thirsty. Like, what's wrong with these boys? Like, they look at me like a piece of meat. Yeah.

The thirsty Queenstown boys. Okay. We've got to wind it. I think we've got to chill it out a bit there, my kings. Wow. Coming a bit hot. Is it the perervy Boys? Wait, did she post this on to go to Cowboys?

Because, you know, Cowboys, you get a bit horny with them. Oh, you do. And you know, the great music. And that sliding game. Yeah, you know. Your hips are rocking. Yeah. Yeah.

So. We'll say friend of the show. Thirsty. Friend of the show, Mattyty McLean was denied entry once One night to Cowboys That feels homophobic Well no he was too drunk Oh okay

Well that feels He latched out He latched out He flipped the table And he punched the bartender How's this for a forecast Because at the time he was The weather guy

How's this for a forecast Denied entry Didn't see this coming Did you weather man Yeah yeah yeah something like that wow here comes a blustery front

he was a blustery front that night he was a blustery front but do you think yeah okay so you think you think it might be the other tourists

Aussie Aussie tourists having a perv everything bad that happens down there I blame on the Australians so I'm happy to add this to the list but it's

it is kind of the time they've moved there they move there now yep yep they get there but then a lot of people move there to you this to the list. It is kind of the time they've moved there. They move there now. Yep. Yep. They get there. But then a lot of people move there to, you know, to apply their trades.

A lot of builders and stuff need it. I find it so bizarre that anyone lives in Queenstown. Well, it's expensive. It's very, but it's beautiful. I know. It's amazing, but it's such a holiday destination. I always find it strange when people are like, yeah, I'm from Queenstown. I'm like, no, you're not. No, it is.

No one's from Queenstown. Yeah. So we're blaming the Aussies? I'm happy to blame the Aussies. Right. We can pass that past the committee, I think. Is she an attractive person? I didn't even notice.

Yeah, okay. I'm not really finding this a huge problem for me. Yeah, I was going to say, would you be okay with this? In Queenstown, no, I just mean in the past. It's never happened. I don't get pestered by men, but I'm just wondering what she looks like. Because the accent, I'll be honest,

the accent didn't do a lot for me. Had a bit of a South African twang. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. And then, yeah, maybe in different rites. Interesting, yeah. So, delivery system. You've been to Queenstown many times, you've never been pestered. I don't think I have, no. And then yeah Maybe in different Interesting Once you see the Delivery system You've been to Queenstown Many times

You've never been pestered I don't think I have No Oh I'm constantly Pestered in Queenstown But I feel a bit Short changed Almost

Right okay All those middle aged Women that move down there Because you know They've got the money And the husbands But the husbands To make the money

Are often busy They're just out on the prowl And I'm absolutely I'm an entree for those. You tick all their boxes to be fair. Yeah. Hey, big boy. I don't know if they...

They whistle at you like, oh, never seen a boy so big. Yeah. I've been with you in Queenstown a lot. I've never heard anyone say... Yeah, because you're a minger. They don't want to be like... Get it cast aside, that minger.

You're not there because no one wants to have to have the grenade, you know? You're a Queenstown 10. What can you know? You're a Queenstown 10. Why can I say that? You're a Queenstown 10. I'm a Queenstown 10. Okay. You're a New Plymouth 10. Thank you.

Thank you. Because you've got teeth. You've actually got teeth. Poor Ellen Smith. I will not have you say... And a shirt. And a shirt. I will not have you say bad things about my home.

You're from Morrinsville. Beautiful place. The myth there is absolutely slipping through the teeth. Some of the country's best. You walk around New Plymouth, they're like, oh, look at you, you show off with your shoes and shirt. Yeah. Oh, Moose in the big city.

He with his teeth and such. Unbelievable. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Matarangi, beautiful beach. Don't know if you guys have been. Lovely spot. Lovely flat, long beach. And I went for a run along it and I found...

Well, good for you. Yeah, thanks. It hurt a lot. Sand's hard to run under as it turns out. Oh, yeah, no. Horses make it look so easy and sort of beautiful when they gallop in the sand. But they've got two more legs

than you. What were you doing there? That's way away, isn't it? I was at a 40th, which is just around the corner, yeah. Lovely. Yeah, beautiful spot. Went for a trot down the beach and then ran back through the golf course and these guys are like, you can't run

through here, it's the golf course. And I pretended not to hear them because I had headphones on and then I was just like, they're going to hit golf balls at me, but they didn't. Yeah. It was nice of them. But on the beach, I found,

I sound like a little kid doing my report after a weekend away at the beach. And the weekend we went to the beach and when I was on the beach, I found a dead shark and I found a dead stingray. And then,

and then, and then there was a dog there. I found a dead shark. Oh. How big was the shark? Like that big. Okay, well that doesn't help the listeners. I reckon don't tell the listeners.

Now only we know. When you said that big, we know something we don't know. I think the sort of shark that. 1.2 metres. Yeah, get out of your way. I wouldn't want. Okay. Yeah.

I'm getting out of. I don't think I'd try to beat you, eat you rather. I'd still, if I saw that, I would be swimming in the water as quick as possible. I'd be walking on water. I'm a slow swimmer. I'm a goner. Good, because that's the, I reckon, the key. You want to have someone slower than you when it comes to getting out of the water.

I'm a slow swimmer. Shark surely won't be after a challenge. I do a little bit of, you know, don't want to get the hair wet. Breaststroke. Yeah, right. Well right while you hold a conversation the whole time and the shark will be like low hanging fruit let's get that

that's me and then I found a stingray a dead it was dead but it was fresh I love stingrays because it didn't smell

I love stingrays they have a bad rate because of the Steve Irwin thing but they're real they can be really friendly oh they've got such a cute smile yeah that lovely stingray that was an accident by the way if you were just like swimming around and all of a sudden Steve Irwin thing but they're real they can be really friendly oh they've got such a cute smile yeah they're lovely

that was an accident by the way if you were just like swimming around and all of a sudden some like really excitable dude in khaki jumped on your back you might panic

and fling up the old barbs the old barbs as well yeah so especially if your name is Barbara you're far more likely to barbs will get the barbs if a middle aged fellow

with a blonde mullet jumps on your back you're gonna send up the barbs Yeah absolutely Barbs is up Barbs is up And then you've empowered him In RIP

We miss him But yeah I found a stingray And a dead shark And beat that You sent a photo to us In the group chat Of the stingray

It looked big Yeah Well no It wasn't that big It was about that big Just for the listeners Again I love

The listeners love when you explain how things are but you don't tell them let's say 60 centimetres across oh okay it looked bigger

in the photo it did look bigger in the photo it's not a manta ray that's why because I took a photo of the stingray from a low angle

now if you want it to look bigger you get on a leg for a low angle it's a good tip there for the guys that works for lots of things 0.5 it

0.5 it from a low angle 0.5 it from a low angle. Disappointing though when you see it in real life and then you realise you've point five it. That point five it. Yeah. You're kind of adding a bunch of stitches.

Still talking about a stingray. Stingrays, yeah. Yeah, a stingray. Where's the rest of the stingray? What am I supposed to do with that? Tiny little stingray. And it got me thinking when I found the stingray and the shark,

those are kind of like nature's treasures, but I've still got to get a bit into my metal detecting. Oh yeah. It'd be a lovely beach for a metal detect. I keep getting recommended Instagram pages with metal detectors on the beach. Oh, videos of people doing it. Yeah, they find rings and treasures. I love those stories

when someone's walking along and they've just found a container ship washed up and there's sports balls in it or something. I've never heard a story like that before. All those stories. Do you remember those containers kept washing up off the coast of England because a ship

tipped a whole lot in or something? Do you remember that? Do you remember the Rena running? Yeah. Now the reef was called Rena, wasn't it? Or the ship. No, the ship was Rena Owen. It was named after Rena Owen. Rena Owen. It was named after Rena Owen. The actress.

Yeah. Lovely lady. And it ground itself on the Astrolabe Reef. The Rena feels right. Yeah, the Rena was the ship. And a few containers washed up, didn't they? Wilburrows and such were washing up. Yeah.

Cocaine washes up sometimes. Off the Rena. Yeah. Not off the Rena. Bales of cocaine. No, wasn't there another? I was saying, wasn't there a story when bags of cocaine were washing up? Oh, my God.

Oh, Far North. That was what that show was about. Wasn't it cocaine? Or pee? There were some drugs. Drugs or something? Yeah. You go to that boat there, the bales washed up.

Yeah. Well, no, because we are a nation surrounded by the sea, and she is a moody temptress. She is. She really throws things around. Couldn't have been a he? No, the water of the ocean is a woman. The ocean is definitely a woman.

Yeah. Because it's moody. Yeah, moody. I didn't say it. Vaughan said that. Hard to predict. Yeah. Sometimes you're like, oh, that's calm,

and then it just tears you out the back of the head. Yeah. Seaweedy. Yeah. Sometimes it's a bit prickly. Yeah. Yeah. Cold. Seaweedy. Yeah. Sometimes it's a bit prickly. Yeah. Cold. It's cold.

Cold. Yeah. The bringer of life. And if she is warm, trouble's on the way. Oh, yeah. When she's too warm, you're like. You're weeks away from an algal bloom. And riddled with crabs.

Riddled with crabs and bloom. Yeah. So the coolest thing you've found on the beach. What is it? What is it? Okay. That's what we want to know. We're going to take some calls.

0800 dials at M. You can text through 9696. Did you find something washed up on the beach? Yeah. Or that someone had left? Or are you one of these metal detectors? I want some treasure. Yeah.

What did you find washed up on the beach? Love a treasure. What is the coolest thing you've found on the beach? God. Apparently just last week, a World War II cannon shell was found on one of the beaches in Gizzy. A cannon shell? Oh, God.

A cannon shell. How did that? Must have just been rolling along the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. For all that time. Does that sink? Definitely. Ambergris. Ambergris. You Yeah. For all that time. Does that sink? Definitely. Ambergris.

You know the whale vomit that they use for perfumes and stuff? It's really expensive. Yeah, and you probably walk over it not knowing what it was unless you were looking out for it. Someone said, I found some, made $10,000 overnight when I sold that. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

What does it look like? Ambergris. Ambergris. It's like grey. I've never heard of it. Have you never?is. It's like grey. I've never heard of it. Have you never? No. It's a real money maker.

And it's wax. Okay, it doesn't look like what I thought it would look like. It's like pumice. A little bit. Yeah, you would just walk over this thinking it's a stone on the beach. Yeah, yeah. And what do you make from it? I thought it would be perfumes and stuff.

What does it smell good? It's got like, I don't know, something in it. It doesn't smell good, but it's got the things stuff. What does it smell good? It's got like, I don't know, something in it. It doesn't smell good, but it's got the things in it that make it smell good. Wow. I found a dive tank and a fin. Didn't find the diver. Uh-oh.

Don't know if that just fell off a boat or what happened there. Yeah. Found a big, dead, bloated cow on a Hokituka beach once. Now, that cow might have been who was diving. Yeah. The cow might have lost the tank and the fin. And there's three other fins still on the cow. The interesting thing is, no, actually,

if those fins were still on that cow. Do you think if a cow went scuba diving, you'd only need fins for the two back legs or for all legs? I'd go for all four. Because they didn't have feet, though, so you'd need a specially made fin because they've got a hoof. Yeah. That's an interesting point. And where do you reckon they kept their tanks?

On the back or underneath? On the back, on the sides. Oh, yeah, one on each side. One on each side, yeah. It looked like a cow had torpedoes. That would be good. Yes. My dog recently found at the beach a huge adult fun toy.

Oh. He came running back. We were like, oh, God, what's he got? But then we were like, oh, my God, it's even worse than we thought. Oh, no. We thought he had a sea cucumber or something. He didn't. He said it was purple.

It was purple. I didn't realise those were so purple. Always purple. Coolest thing you found on the beach? We've got so many beaches. So much room for cool stuff to be found. Have you guys ever left anything on the beach? Footprints.

And at one stage I was walking and I looked and I saw two sets of footprints and then all of a sudden it turned to one set of footprints and I said, Jesus, why have you abandoned me in my time of need? Oh my God, shut up. And he said, I was carrying you. Oh my God. Shut up. Brother. Shut up. And he said, I was carrying you. My brother. Shut up. Brother.

Shut up. Brother, ooh. Brother, ooh. My parents found unexploded bombs on a beach in the UK. Oh, no, that would freak me out. Like World War II bombs? Yeah, the beach ended up getting closed, the bomb disposal got called out and they blew up the bombs.

I mean, you're hanging around to watch that, right? Yeah. Like that time they blew up that whale in the 70s. Oh, that famous, yeah. They just blew whale guts all over the town. Yuck. That was a bit dumb. Yuck.

I found what I thought was a dead seal on the beach. I walked around and I was like, oh, my God, this is so sad. Oh, it was sleeping? And when I got close, it went, rah! And I was like, rah! And then got chased around the seal, a beach by a seal, much to people's amusement. Never wake a sleeping seal.

That's what they say. That's what they say. That's what they say, yeah. Let's put that on a horse. Exploring the beach with friends, stumbled across a cave, peeked inside and saw two grown men going at it. Oh.

In a beach cave. Oh. Okay. I don't know what you expect to see. No, not in a cave. Not in a cave. Although that's where bears live. I found a lad, passed out on the sand after a big New Year's.

Woke him up, helped him find his car. Poor guy was so sunburned he had blisters already. Oh, shoot, that's awful. Dumb dumb on our hands there. Someone said I found a note in a bottle from an ocean current study. I had to post it back to the location where I found it. So it was like part of being, I guess, a study. Wait, who paid for the postage?

Yeah, I'd be like, excuse me, University of Toronto. Self-addressed envelope. You'd think so. So then I'd be timing how long it took to get where. How bizarre. Yeah. Found a singular diamond earring, gave it a rinse and chucked it in. Oh, hell yeah.

I mean, it was mismatched, but pretty bougie one ear. It would be embarrassing if you had like a diamond earring in one ear and then like, you know, a Hello Kitty plastic stud in the other. Did they put it in the gay ear? Does it say? If it's a diamond, it's got to go in the gay ear. If it was one of those guys from the cave, I'd say they probably had to. In the gay ear.

That went directly in the gay ear. Ooh, a whale vertebrae at the mount. Yeah, just a part of the, like when the whale dies and the bones. Have you ever seen them at museums and stuff? They're massive. Yeah. They're like massive as bones. They collect the scent.

Someone found out a southern right whale was a recent wash up. That would be like quite full on, eh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Big. Southern right whale's a pretty big whale. Would you give it a poke? Give it a sniff. You'd touch it, right? Because it'd be like amazing just to be like

wow. Touched a whale. No, I think it'd be all like yucky and blubbery. I'd open its mouth to see if it had bombed up any of that ambergris. Yeah, right. Score yourself $10,000. Yeah, open up climb inside and then you find out it's just napping as well and it goes, what am I doing? Flop, flop, flop back into the water.

And it eats you and now it's you're inside the lake. Now I am the ambergris. Plot twist. I am the ambergris. I don't know if we'd pay $10,000 for for me ambergris. To don't know if we'd pay $10,000 for... For me, ambergris. To smell like Vaughan. Nah.

You don't smell bad. I wouldn't bowl you. Wouldn't bowl me? Bottle you. I'd bottle you. Bottle me. I'd bowl you, for sure. Producer Jarrah's back today.

Last week off due to, I don't know if you guys have heard about this, there's a virus called COVID-19. I don't think it'll catch on. Which, coronavirus, if you just want to make it sound slightly more casual. Which last week was the highest it's been in 18 months in waste water testing. Yeah. So it's going around again. Well, Jarrah got it.

And, of course, when you get it, the person that you live with and share an intimate space with often gets it very soon after. But then sometimes not. Do you remember when you- Yeah, Sade's- Yeah. Sade didn't get it last time. It's crazy.

The whole family got it. But Jared- But she is, her theory is her dad's Chinese Thai. And she thinks, this is her thoughts's Chinese tie, and she thinks this is her thoughts. It was developed in a lab in Wuhan, and eventually it will wipe out everybody apart from those of Asian descent. Her thoughts, not mine.

Okay. But producer Jared then gave it to his girlfriend. That's by the by, right? Yeah. Fine. But yesterday was her birthday. Oh, you. Yeah. I'm trash. Oh, you. Yeah.

I'm trash. Yeah, you are trash. How did she take that? Not well. I haven't heard the end of it. We, um. Oh, you won't. I'd imagine hear the end of it. No, because you had big parties planned over the weekend, right? Yeah, we were going to go out for some drinks and celebrate. Cancelled. Cancelled.

That's actually really responsible of you. Yeah, because a lot of people don't care now. A lot of people are just going about their life. Yeah, as per. Well, we went to this really niche, underground comedy show the weekend before, which I think is where we caught it. It wouldn't be anybody weird to have heard of?

So you're saying that was a super spreader event? Hayley Sprout? Yeah. Hayley Sprout? Oh, Hayley. I have heard of Hayley Sprout. Was it a super spreader event? Hayley Sprout? Yeah, yeah. Hayley Sprout? Oh, Hayley. I have heard of Hayley Sprout. Was it a super spreader event? Not really for me.

Wow. No, because you tested positive the next day. It usually takes... Yeah. So I feel like... He had it sitting next to Carwin and Shannon watching my show. But then they didn't get sick. They didn't get it.

So maybe I'm just weak. Therefore, the middy is also weak. But maybe I'm just weak. Therefore, the mid-year is also weak. But yeah, she turned 29. Oh, wow. Which is pretty cool. I mean, did you call her old fella yesterday when I messaged her happy birthday? I said, happy birthday, old fella. And she didn't like that at all.

No, she wouldn't have. No. She's taken it quite hard, the fact that she's now 29. Suddenly it's, oh, I can't believe I'm turning 30 in a year. Here's me just having turned 30, oh shut up yeah yeah and fletch having turned 30 close to 30 years ago excuse me yeah he's 30 30 he's 30 30. yeah nah nearly 30 nearly in your 60s crazy excuse me i mean it's so good no it's flattering you look amazing yeah well 60 year old yeah thank you you just start telling people you are 60. i'm not you should do that no people will just

i don't believe it you've got man you've got the jawline of a 20 year old you do it yeah thank you thank you jared yeah yeah how you got it off of them i don't know you should get it back surgery yeah i did i have been wondering about that getting donor parts from other bodies like how Surgery. Surgery. You surgically removed them. You found a jaw donor? Yeah, I did. I have a jaw donor. I've been wondering about that. Getting donor parts from other bodies. Like, how soon can I go full Frankenstein? You can get anything if you've got enough money. Yeah.

Money buys everything. Yeah, it does, yeah. So if you want to lose the beard and get a jaw, I know where you can get some good jaws. I could go for a jaw. Got any good female jaws? I don't think I could rock a male jaw on this. You don't think so?

Who's got the best female jaw? It's a masculine property, isn't it, the jaw? People are always like, oh, he's got that Brad Pitt jaw. Or he's got the best female jaw lines in Hollywood. Yeah, okay. Google. It'll be a, what are those ones called? Kate Blanchett.

Margot Robbie? She'd have a good jawline. Kate Blanchett, because she's got a chisel. She's got a chisel jaw. What are the ones, the Kate Blanchett. Margot Robbie. She'd have a good jawline. Kate Blanchett. She's got a chisel. She's got a chisel jaw. What are the ones, the Gigi Hadid's? A little too pointy for me. A little too pointy on the jaw? Just for me.

Just for you. For me. You're more rounded. Slightly more rounded. Okay. Thoughts on 9696, the best female jaw in the game. I'd be keen to know what people think. Save it for Friday.

Final rankings, female draws. Female draws. Female draw lines. Love that, love that. And so you're in the dog box now because you ruined the middie's birthday. Ruined her 29th. Didn't mean to, but you did. Pretty much every day since then has been, oh, yeah.

You know what this means? For her 30th, you're going to have to really, you know. Give her COVID again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep it a tradition. I think next time it's going to be an air wrap instead of a communicable virus. An air wrap? A Dyson one.

Oh, yeah, that's good. Is that what she wants? That's good. What does that do? Straightens. Curls. Wraps. It does it all.

It brushes. It heats up. It cools down. It's purple. It's pink. It's good. Okay. Oh, nice. Well, sorry cools down. It's purple, it's pink, it's good. Okay. Oh, nice.

Well, sorry, happy birthday to the middie. And what a delicious tree. Angelina Jolie does have a good jawline. Keira Knightley, no, it's too square. Oh, you hate Keira Knightley, don't you? Because she does this, and she actually kind of jots her jaw forward. I look quite pretty today. Olivia Wilde's

got a good jaw. Someone said Ronda Rousey. That's a good jaw for taking a punch. I don't know if I'd say it's a jaw. Penelope Cruz, good jaw. Olivia Wilde, good jaw. Yeah. Angelina, a couple of votes there for Angelina Jolie's jaw. Yeah, Angelina Jolie. She's got a good face.

Yeah. All round great face. She kissed her brother on the mouth on the red carpet once and she had a Billy Bob Thornton's blood vial around her neck. Interesting chick. Very interesting. Interesting. To say the least.

Interesting chick. I observed a TikTok and I liked it a lot. I want to share it with you. However, I don't want to share the TikTok audio because God, that voice is intolerable. Yeah. Shush. Shush you.

Heavy Valley Girl accents in the TikTok being referenced here. When you want to catch up with your friends, here's a way to do it. If you are like time poor, because I'm always time poor. I don't have a lot of time to give people, so I'm always like, let's cut to the chase. Or maybe you haven't seen someone for a long time. There's a way to do it. If you are like time poor, because I'm always time poor, I don't have a lot of time to give people, so I'm always like, let's cut to the chase. Or maybe you haven't seen someone for a long time,

there's a lot to share, you're not going to get through it all. What you do, as you would in like an American university, and I suppose there's a university over here, but I don't know, I didn't go to a proper one. Neither did you guys,

so shut up. Defensive. You major in- I did course. It felt like a dig at my going to course. You went to course, I went to drama school. Yeah, I went to a warehouse in W I did course. It felt like a dig at my going to course. You went to course. I went to drama school. Yeah. I went to a warehouse in Wairau Valley.

Yeah, great. Yeah, master's degree. And here we all are. But you major in something and you minor in something. And this is the catch-up technique, which is... It's just weird that there should be any education in Wairau Valley. Can I go back and say I said that wrong? Wairo Valley.

Yes, Wairo Valley. I apologise. I'm still trying my best to catch myself saying the words how I grew up hearing them versus how they should actually be said. Wairo. Wairo. Thank you. Beautiful, beautiful.

So you major in something and you minor in something, and then this is you can use it as a catch-up technique. It's like we don't have time to get into all of your staff. What are you majoring in? What are you minoring? So give me two things. For example, I'm majoring in a house renovation. You've been majoring in that for a while.

Yeah, I took a couple of semesters off. And that's why your student loan's so big. That's why my student loan is astronomical. AKA mortgage. Majoring in a house renovation. I'm about to graduate though. Yeah. And I'm minoring in a back, a sore back.

Oh, she's into her bad back era. She's got a sore back. That's my bad back era. Yeah. Or for Aaron, he could be, he's majoring in a house renovation. He's minoring in PlayStation 5. Yeah.

Like, what's the big thing and what's the small thing in your life? The two chat points. I don't know if I have anything. Of course you don't. Your life is too good and easy. Well, no, I'm just, I don't know. You're majoring in...

It doesn't have to be bad things that you're majoring in or minoring in. No, no, no. What's at the forefront of your mind? Yeah, the forefront of your mind. You're majoring in an upcoming holiday. Holiday, yep. And you're minoring in is just things that... What's at the forefront of your mind? Yeah, the forefront of your mind. You're majoring in an upcoming holiday. Holiday, yep. And you're minoring in...

Just getting it. You know what I mean? Just getting it. Just getting it done. Just getting it. Vaughan, what are you majoring and minoring in? Majoring in... Crippling mortgage.

Yep. Minoring in pussy, pig eye and meth chicken. Oh, yuck. I've made two yuck. Meth chicken. Is meth chicken still alive?

I will say, meth chicken looks to be bouncing back. I think meth chicken might have shaken the meth. Weaning himself off the meth.

Did you ever talk to it? I said, look, this is no problem is ever better after meth chicken.

You can't carry on like this. If you miss that, I've got a chicken who's not well and it looks like it's on meth. If this feels like your major. Nah, it's a minor. It's a minor.

And the pig, pussy eye, something, I think a goat had a swing at a pig. There's a bit of problem there, a bit of beef. Ironically not. It's pork and goat, but there's a bit of beef between them.

And I think the goat's horn just got the pig just below the eye, like a scuffle. And it got a bit pussy. So I think the goat's horn just got the pig just below the eye, like a scuffle. And it got a bit pussy, so I took out a hot flannel yesterday and rolled the pig. Rolled the pig on the back. This pig was not having it. The pig was like, wah!

Wah! I was like, stay still. If you know what's good for you, a meth chicken's like, don't listen to him. He doesn't know anything. Smoke, there's meth. Come over here. Come over here.

I've got the stuff. Come here. This will make you feel better. This will make you feel better. And I had a hot flannel and I cleaned out the pig's eye, which was very pussy, like conjunctivitis-y. And it had a little cut under its eye, so I gave that a clean up and put some oinkment on it.

You missed it. It was right there. It was right there. Put some oinkment on it and that's probably what I'm minoring in. Wait, did you put human oinkment on it? Yeah. What, like? Eye, like eye detail.

I think if it's good enough, No, like a savalon. Savalon! I think it's... It literally says on the tube... Pigs live their feet! What? Not for pigs. It literally says on the tube,

not for pigs. Well, so you put savalon on your eyes. No, but if you had a cut, you'd put some savalon. I didn't put the savalon in the eye, the cut under the eye, which would lead... So I put the savalon on the pig's eye.

We... They say pig meat is the most like human meat, if you're going to eat both. They say you practice tattooing on pig flesh before you graduate to human flesh. The poor pigs. So I think saffron's fine. Mum and a heart on them.

You've got a bloody anchor on their hind. Yeah. Oh, gosh. So it's got some savalon on the pig eye. You're going to need to get the vet. And then the vet's going to turn up and be like, why is this eye like this? And you'll be like, because I put savalon on it.

I just put savalon all in the eye. Not in the eye, under the eye. And I'm going out and I go twice daily and I take a hot flannel out and I give the pig a piece of fruit and it's distracted and I grab it straight and I roll it. Which pig? The ugly one or the not as ugly one? Oh, well, he's not ugly.

He's just got an underbite. He's my favourite pig. That is literally the most unfortunate looking pig. Herman. Herman the cootie cootie. Herman is unfortunate. You're lucky that pig doesn't go to school. It would be teased.

Terrible underbite. Because he's a ginger with an underbite. Yeah. And a pussy eye. And pussy eye and sort of like sporadic hair grow. His dad keeps covering him with Savlon before school. Come here before you go. Wipe your eye out with that.

Flick on the back. Blip, blip, blip, blip. Maybe it's his time, you know. Anyway, those are my minors. Your major minor. You've taken my mind off my major because we talked more about the minor. That was nice. What a great technique.

What a great technique. Well, it's just a great way to catch up. Now we know a little bit about what's going on in your life. Without hearing the other 10 things. Yeah. I've got more. No, the producers, we've got... Major and minor.

Shannon's got major radio awards prep. That's this week. Minor, a hen's due planning. We've got Jared's got majoring in poverty, minoring in cat allergies. I've just spat out his coffee. That sounds like

a course. I'm majoring in poverty. I'm actually majoring in poverty and minoring in cat allergies. Carwin is majoring in new hair. Can we shout out to the girl? She's gone to the dark side. And the minor, she owes the IRD $500. Now these are great things. Now we all know what's going on in each other's lives. How much did your hair

cost to get done? Not that much. I'm just saying the cost of your major funded your minor. It's not from the same pool of money. It's not from the same pool of money. Clay, Zed M's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day,

day, day, day, day, day. The rate of which it beats. The rate. We've all just gone into our health app on our phone. Yeah. I haven't been wearing my watch for three weeks or so. Had a little break. Yeah. It's quite nice. You didn't like to be reminded? That I wasn't doing anything?

Yeah. Or you didn't want to know the time anytime? Never wanted to know the time. Yeah, okay, good. When I was walking out on stage and you guys were in bed, not a good time to know that you're still working. Well, we're going to start out with this week's fact of the day about the lowest resting heart rate. Because Fletcher's is so low, sometimes his watch will be like,

we think you died. So low. Do you remember when we were just sitting on the chairs in the studio and I got a buzz on my watch and it was like, your heart rate. I get alerts when it goes below 40. It's basically like, are you okay? Every morning I wake up and I just like, your heart rate's... I get alerts when it goes below 40. It's basically like, are you okay? Every morning I wake up and I just went into my heart rate notifications.

I got to 36 overnight last night when I was sleeping. That's dead. Was I dead? Yeah, you died. Was I dead? I'm sick of throwing all these funerals for you after every time you go to sleep. My heart rate at the moment and my resting heart rate average is 42 beats per minute. That's low. That's low. Mine currently is.

One minute ago it was 67. My VO2 max is 65, which is really good. What does that mean? It is a measurement of your VO2 max, which is the maximum amount of oxygen your body can consume during exercise. But that's like based on your phone and your watch. You have to do a proper test. Yeah, no, I don't.

But then apparently the watches are pretty close to actual tests. That's good. Like people that have actually taken their reading and done it. You're getting there, but you're not quite at the world record for the slowest heartbeat in a healthy human. The record is held by Daniel Green, set in 2014. Yeah. 26 beats a minute.

Jeez. That's less than one second. So that's a... Oh my God. Is he like super fit? Or just... Well, they said it's in a healthy human. So Martin Brady holds the Guinness World Record

for the slowest heart rate with a certified rate over a minute. So this is... For a whole minute, he kept this heart rate down there at 27 beats a minute. Jeez this is for a whole minute he kept this heart rate down there at 27 beats a minute. And our professional cyclist Miguel

Indiran who won the Tour de France five times has a resting heart rate when he was doing the Tour de France. His resting heart rate was 28 beats per minute. Oh my god. So he was studied because he's such an anomaly. Usain Bolt by the way, his resting heart rate was 33 beats a minute.

Wow. So this guy's incredibly fit. Absolute fitness. And this guy's just a bit of an anomaly as well. His blood carried seven litres of oxygen around his body per minute compared to three to four of the ordinary person and five to six litres of fellow professional bike riders. So he's getting a litre of extra oxygen a minute.

His cardio output was 50 litres a minute. Wow. So that means his body's hooning around 50 litres in a minute. And a fit amateur cyclist is about 25 litres. His lung capacity was 7.8 litres compared to the average person having six litres. That's a machine. So his resting pulse rate was as low as 28 beats per minute.

The average human sits somewhere between 60 and 72, which meant that his heart would be less strained during the tough mountain stages. His VO2 max was 88 mil. 88. In comparison to yours, yours is 65, which is already above. 88. And Lance Armstrong's was 83.8.

Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. His heart was compared to the long stroke diesel engines. I don't know a lot about engines, but. Right. Yeah. Okay.

Jeez. Now everybody's like looking at their resting heart rates on their health apps. Yeah. Go with some animals with low resting heart rates on their health apps. Go over some animals with low resting heart rates. Elephants. Yeah. They go between- They have such big hearts.

Big hearts and big bodies. Don't shame them. Not to pump around. Wow. Wow. Wow. Did you hear that? He just shamed elephants.

Sorry to our elephant listeners. So sorry about that. All bodies are welcome. I'm not actually. I'm not actually. I'm just making an apt description of your body. I won't lie to you. You are a big bitch.

Did I say the elephant's number before I was really interrupted? Elephant 25 to 30 is the average beats per minute. I think something so huge would need a lot of blood pumping quite fast. Horses 28 to 40 at resting are the blue whale. When it's diving, it can go between 2 to 10 beats a minute because obviously the more beats

it has, the quicker it uses up the oxygen in its blood. And then when it comes up to the surface and sucks in the blood, sucks in the blood? The oxygen and puts it into its blood Between 25 and 37 beats At the surface Because it wants to get that blood oxygenated again

Before it dives back down Amazing Wild So today's fact of the day Is five time champion Of the Tour de France Miguel Has a resting heart rate

Of 28 beats per minute Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch, I believe this popped up on your phone. You shared it to me and I said, yes, which I think is the correct response to a successful meme. Yeah.

When you get one, you go, you're like, so true. So true. The meme was, not me thinking about all the money I spent buying ringtones 20 years ago. I need to have my phone on silent for the last 10 years. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God I spent buying ringtones 20 years ago, only to have my phone on silent for the last 10 years.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, my God, remember buying ringtones? It was like literally an eye. It was a store. It was a store and it had a chart. Like it had the music chart and it had the ringtone chart. Yeah. And all the popular ringtones.

Yeah. And sometimes it would be a ringtone. Wait, what do you mean you still can? You can still buy them? Who's doing this? Yeah, I put it in my prep a ringtone. Wait, what do you mean you still can? You can still buy them? Who's doing this? Yeah, I put it in my prep a while ago. If you do like some steps in your iPhone, it takes you to the ringtone store.

Oh, if you want to do a custom ringtone, which we've done before, you've got to do like put it into a file and then put it on your computer and then drag it into the thing. But I don't think there's a ringtone store anymore. Yeah, dude, there is totally a ringtone store. If you go into Sounds and Haptics and click on ringtone,

and then you can download all purchased ringtones from previous phones and such, and you can go to Tone Store. Here we are. We're in Tone Store. Oh, my God. What have we got? What have we got? Tone Store.

Do you want to pay $2.39 for a Galway girl by Ed Sheeran? No, I don't. They're all $2.39. I cannot believe this. $2.39? No, I don't. They're all $2.39. I cannot believe this. $2.39? No. Except for the alert tones, which are cheaper. They're like $1.39, so like text message tones.

You can buy an engine revving from Fast and the Furious. Where's my preview? No preview. I can't even hear it before I buy it? Oh. There's one. That sucks.

I'm imagining that as a text. That sounds like the vet on a Saturday night. Here's a text tone on the store. Do. Or do not. Do. Yoda. Yoda.

What's that? A burnout. Is that a burnout? That's the T-Rex roar from Jurassic Park. That sounds so shit. These are so funny. I cannot believe this. But like you say,

why are you spending money on... Okay. Was that a Star Wars? I knew that. Time fly to fly by. I was going to say, that's a Star Wars thing, isn't it? Oh, what about an R2-D2?

Oh, okay. What about an R2-D2? Give me a year. Give me a year. I don't know You can spend $1.69 on that No thanks But that's the point Is that we're all going to have phones on silent

So why would you spend money But we It used to be like What Hold on There's a charts There's a charts You want to hear number one

Number one on the text? I just saw, I just saw, yes. Oh God. Hello. It's a minion. Someone's spending $1.39 today, aren't they? Someone's auntie is definitely spending $1.39 on that. You're someone's auntie.

We all had a bloody Borat text tone, you know, at some point. But like, this is the thing. Like, we all went on these stores and bought these, like, wild ringtones. Crazy Frog was there for ages. Wasn't that, Shannon was saying that was your one back in the day that you spent money on? Oh, yeah. The whole school would do it and then you'd, like,

rip Bluetooth it to each other. Couldn't you do that after a bit? Yeah. It was a good time. Mine was, I had Bohemian Rhapsody for a long time because it's one of my favourite songs and then it gave me anxiety because it meant someone was calling me

and now it's not my favourite song. Oh, because it's associated with... Because you associate, you hear it and you're like, oh, my phone's ringing instead of just the song. Woody Woodpecker's Laugh is number 19 on the charts. How is Woody Woodpecker, who I know had an animated reboot a few years ago, but it was never massive.

How is Woody Woodpecker's laugh in the top? Mums and dads, probably. No thanks every time I get a text. No way. Because your ringtone is White Lotus. Yeah, which always, because you don't get that many calls, right? And when I do, I'm like, oh, that's right. It's White Lotus. Yeah, which always, because you don't get that many calls, right? And when I do, I'm like, oh, that's right.

It's White Lotus. And my ringtone, I did a custom one for Aaron, you may remember, last year. Yeah. A song about Bean Makes Me Espresso Martinez. Anyway, it's a long story. We want to know, back in the day, like what was the ringtone that you spent money on?

Because maybe it was something. Who wants that? That was Pingo. So, I mean, we're going to get some classic songs. We're going to get some absolutely classic songs here. 0800 DALSATEM. We'd love to hear from you. You can text her as well, 9696.

What was the ringtone or text tone that you spent money on back in the day? Are we taking calls from people that made their own? Like if you imported or ripped the song and then put it into Audacity or... Even better. We want to know the ringtone that you spent money on back in the day. You hit up the Tone Store,

which apparently still exists. We've just learned. Yeah. Jess, good morning. Morning, team. What was the ringtone you spent money on? I think I spent about $7 on that song, Shot. Oh.

Yeah, great. Yeah, that's right. And I don't even think I was 18 at the time. I think I was like 16 or 17. 18. And I had a Motorola Razr. Oh, the best.

Oh, my God. Nice phone. Was it pink? It was pink. Yes, it was. I had the matte black one. Yeah, same. It was the whole package.

They were good phones. I was watching a TV show set in the mid-2000s the other day and someone ripped out their phone and it was a Motorola Razr. I was like, that's it. That's a cool kid right there. Yeah. Oh, my God. And they probably had this ringtone.

Delicious. Yeah, definitely. Love it. Jess, thank you. I'll send messages in. Somebody said, I had the Grey's Anatomy theme. I literally held my phone up to the TV, recorded it off the TV,

and then converted it into a ringtone. Works fine. I've had it for years. Wait, still going? It sounds like it's still going. Oh, my gosh. I paid for the text notification of Pingu going, nought, nought, and now my dog is terrified of it.

I have to have my phone on silent or he freaks out. Oh, my God. Megan, what was the ringtone you paid for? So I paid to download the Simpsons theme song. Did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. Oh, my God. It had the whole, like, flurry at the start. And it was so intense that it would drain the battery by, like, 30%.

Yes, because they were, like, quite big, multi-layered files. Yeah, and it was $7.99 and it was totally worth it. $7.99? I don't ever remember them costing that much. I always thought they were like two bucks. Yeah. I think it was a premium. Yeah.

Simpsons premium. The worst ones were before like smartphones when it was like, what are they, polyphonic? Polyphonic. And they were just like. Real, Really basic. Yeah, Megan, thank you. Keep your texts coming in.

What ringtone did you pay for? Someone said, if you didn't have Savage, Swing is a ringtone at some stage. I don't know if you can call yourself a Kiwi. Swing! True. We're talking about the ringtones that you paid for. You can still pay for ringtones, by the way.

I don't know if anybody's... Don't. Nobody is. No. Someone said, oh, yeah, okay, there you go. I had a phone. It was BroTown. Remember the TV show BroTown?

Yes. Oh, yeah. Pick up your phone, Al. I'm just going to say this in a white accent. No, do it in the voice. I'm not comfortable with it. Do the voice. Do the voice.

Pick up your phone, Al. I'll stuff you. I'll just take with it. Do the voice. Do the voice. Pick up your phone now. I'll stuff you. I'll just take a message. That's how it went. This sucks. That's such a bad bro town impersonation. Yeah. It's literally so bad.

I don't feel bad. Do that other ringtone that's in the charts that you didn't play on here. Oh, my God. What number was that? No, don't do it. No, I'm not going to do it. Of course I'm hating this round. I thought you were picking your phone.

I'm not going to do it. That's madness. Haley Sprout. I'm not going to do it. That's madness. That is career suicide. It is. That is very racist. Very racist. And you can tell it's a white person doing the voice. You can just tell.

Unbelievable. It's even allowed on the charts. It's an oversight on Apple's part. Fletch isn't allowed to do his Persian rug merchant on air anymore. Yeah. I never did that. I never did that. I never did that. You used to love it.

Every Monday you'd call in the show from the phone and you'd pretend to be telling us about your rug specials but then you'd talk about some other stuff. Back in the day, that's what radio stations would do. They'd put on voices and do accents and stuff. Wild. Different times. Different times.

The good old days, some called it. My dad's ringtone is sirens, but like an ambulance siren, and it changes the whole time it's ringing. It's the most embarrassing thing ever when we're in public. People will freak out, and then look at him.

You'd be driving too, and then think that there's a fire truck behind you. Yeah, that'd freak me out. My dad still purchases ringtones, and he laughs. He loves it when he gets a new one. And when mum calls, it says, warning, warning, wife is calling. And when my sister and I ring, it says, dad, it's your favourite daughter.

Answer the phone. He loves his ringtones. Good on you, dad. Good on you, dad. Oh, what about somebody said, pure saints, all saints, pure shores on my Blackberry in the mid-2000s. I thought I was Kim Kardashian with that thing. Dad has bagpipes as he's Scottish.

Someone said Friday rankings of default ringtones for alarms. Oh, great. Yes, that's a great idea. Great Friday rankings. My dad not long ago

said the ringtone for my mum is that song Sweet But Psycho. Love that. Sweet But Psycho. That's a recent change. Sweet But Psycho.

Country Calendar is my father-in-law's ringtone He loves that Oh god yeah 7 o'clock Sundays where else am I Absolutely nowhere watching Country Calendar every time Chumbawamba tub thumping Yeah great song But just before ringtones were For sale right I'm trying to find how much the May 1st, is that recently?

I had blurred lines by Robin Thicke, et cetera. I was in an ambulance once and then my phone rang and the paramedics complimented me on my ringtime. Probably before we all realised what that was about. Before we realised it was about consent. So according to a report by Statistica, this is from a year ago. By Statistica.

Statistica. Statista. Statsista or something. I Statistica. Statistica. Statista. Statista. Or something. I don't know how to say that. Keep trying. Statista. So it's stat,

I-S-T-A. Statista. Statista. Or whatever. It's like sister, but with stat on the side. Statista. Some company.

They say the ringtone market was estimated to be worth $1.2 billion in 2020 and is expected... 2020! And is expected to grow to $1.6 billion by 2024. Are we still doing it? Dads, mums and aunties are really propping up the ringtone industry. Maybe I need one. Mine's just like bring, bring, bring, bring.

Yeah, it's a classic. It's a classic. Because in the early days of ringtones, a mate of mine that I went to broadcasting school with, he just had a computer with, he could record stuff on it. Yeah. And so he'd just get little clips of songs and he'd put them for download.

This was before record labels and everything cottoned on to the fact that they could be making money off this as well. He was making cash. Making bank, Danny. Right. Cash, money. Where is he in prison now? Ah, yeah.

Yeah. One of those cushy white collar prisons, though. Oh, nice. Where they get a garden and basic sky. So like just a holiday and a break away from everyone. Basically where Donald Trump will go if he ever goes to prison. Yeah. I counted 79 all rights today.

Fletcher, but that's a new personal record. Oh, f*** off. How many of those did you count? Oh, yeah. 79 of those, too. All right. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rate and review. Or f*** off.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.