ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 4th March 2024

Episode Date: March 3, 2024

The Willy Wonka Experience  Top 6: Ways to trick your body into thinking you're at schoolSilly Little Poll!  Boring Dates  Hayley's HeadphonesTeddy Swims!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's three minutes past six. He's back.

United. He's back. We're united as a team once again. How are you feeling? Hon? Still not 100%, but better. Did you keep testing? Not COVID?

No, never tested positive for COVID. That's good. Wasn't the COVID-19. Goodness. Just the man flu. Yeah. You got it earlier this year. Arguably more violent than COVID, man flu.

Yeah. It takes down many a great soldier. It does. Do you think you'll get your annual one still, that you've had this one early on? My annual flu. Your annual man flu. Yeah, I think, well, I don't know.

Maybe. It's always late July, early August. I wipe myself out for a week. You're not going to have sick days left. How many did we get? Five. Do you know I got one of your sick days? Oh, yeah. I got an email yesterday or over the weekend saying

that I was sick on Friday. And I was like, but wait, I was at work. Very hung up, very sick. We turned up. But I was here. We turned up. I was here. Maybe you did such a piss poor job that they just decided to take it or take one.

They were like, you know what? It was terrible. It was awful. Take a sick day off. We were the classic mixing up Fletch and Vaughn. Jesus Christ. What? I understand if people have only ever heard our voices.

But then when you see us, there's a few, you know, striking differences. Oh, like what? I'm fat. Oh, Vaughn-y. I thought you were going to say my beard, my devilish good looks. The beard's hiding the fat. And the cute bit of nose. Yeah.

And you've got glasses now. The words written down could not look more different. Yeah., like... And the cute bit of nose. Yeah. And you've got glasses now. But the words written down could not look more different. Yeah. Carl Fletcher, Vaughan Smith. Yeah. These are wildly different words. Well, we got mixed up

and so you've actually got a sick leave up your sleeve. I'll gift you one of mine. I'll gift you one of mine for your winter flow. Because I don't use mine. Do they accrue here? No.

No. So, but I don't mind if you use them anyway. No, you literally don't. When have I had a sick day? Can we gift? I don't know if you can. Can I have a cash equivalent of my sick day? Yeah, you should be able to cash them out. That'd be nice. You can't cash them out if they

make you redundant, eh? No. No, I believe you can. But let's not chuck redundancy around. I prefer for that not to happen. You've got a mortgage payment coming up. I don't know, because when I was sick, I didn't have to wake up at four o'clock in the morning. Pretty sweet. Was it nice?

It was pretty sweet. Wow. It's delicious, isn't it? I could live in a caravan if it meant I didn't have to get up at four o'clock. All right, five on time is back again this morning. The current jackpot, it wasn't one in your absence last week, Vaughn. Stop it. Some really close guesses last week, though.

I'm not surprised it wasn't one. We had a 5.5. That was really close. We've got the leaderboard up, but $15,000 today's jackpot at 8 o'clock. So if you would like to play five on time, actually listening for that activator, you've got to say time at exactly five seconds

to win that $15,000. Do you think it's going to get up to $50,000? I hope so. I don't want to do drips and drabs. Yeah. I just want to go, boom. Next on the show. If you have been following the news of the Willy Wonka experience,

Brandy does sass overseas. It's the latest, it's the new Fyre Festival. It absolutely is. I have a bit of an update on that experience. That poor sad looking woman. Oh my god. The Oompa Loompa. If you have not heard of the Willy Wonka

experience that has gone viral online over the last week or so that was in Glasgow you must Google it. You simply must Google. I saw some very sad looking photos but what was it? So it was just like a like a. It wasn't to promote the movie

No. No no. Off brand the main character was Willy McDuff and instead of who's Willy Wonka's nemesis? I was on the clock. You know the guy who's like trying to. He wants to steal the recipe for the endless golf stopper. Well, his nemesis, Willie McDuff, in this experience was called the unknown.

It was sort of like a masked sort of jabberwocky looking thing. Arthur Slugworth? Slugworth. Yes, and the idea was that you'd take the kids along and it would just be this wonderful experience. Wonderful, yeah, you know, world of pure imagination. And they had used AI to make the posters, right? It's so bad. Like the posters made it look incredible.

The image that went viral first was of a poor actor kind of behind all this like glassware. And she's supposed to be some kind of... Oompa Loompa. Oompa Loompa. But she just looks like a chicken off shoulder top with a green wig on. It's very funny. It looks like she's dying for a durry too.

Oh, she's gagging for a durry. She's hanging out for a ciggy. So like this whole thing has gone viral because people turned up and they were like, what is this? And the creator of it's, like, released a statement saying, like, we're really sorry. Like, this whole thing, it got shut down. Everyone who turned up to the first few days got a refund.

They were promised the actors will get paid. Like, we're really sorry. Like, all this tech didn't arrive in time and so it wasn't what it was supposed to be. There's literally like sheets, you know, hung up with cable ties. It's so, so bad. And did you see at the Brit Awards,

the Brit Music Awards, they had some of the actors performing on stage? Really? That's how viral it's gone. Amazing. These unknown creatures came out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wild.

Anyway, so. Well, I suppose if the experience got cancelled, they probably had the weekend free. They were absolutely free. Open book. So now there's been a petition that has about like half a million vote, like yeses. Signatures, thank you,

wanting to bring it back. Because they were like, it's so bad, it's good. And now that it's gone viral, people are like, oh, my God, I'd go now. Just for the love. Has this also brought it to the attention of the estate of Raald Dahl? Well, they don't want to cut. This is all a different name and stuff.

Yeah because it was called the Willy Wonka experience wasn't it? It was called the Willy Wonka experience. Yeah because you can't get away with that.

You can't say that. No. I don't think there's anything legal. Maybe they can call it the magic chocolate factory experience. Something like that.

It was described as a shambles that was in an abandoned empty warehouse where children were left in tears and someone ended up calling the police because they were like, this is a sham. We're all getting scammed here. And did you see they asked that Fyre Festival guy

who apparently is doing Fyre Festival 2. Fresh out of prison. What's his name? Someone McFarlane? And they asked him about it. And he said, I'll give them a spot at the Fyre Festival too if they want one. Dude. Dude.

Read the room. Yeah. No one's giving you money for a Fyre Festival that didn't happen. Yeah, well, I mean, this looks like the kind of thing that that guy would have organized.

Anyway, I love the statement. My intention is to learn from the experience. Your support and understanding during this time means the world to me. Anyway, I'd go. Next on the show, 13 past 6, you would like to

become a crypto bro. Yeah, that's right, bro. My bros, listen up. I want to tell you how much money you would have made if you invested $1,000 in Bitcoin in 2009. I don't want to know this. Yes, you do want to know. I don't want to know this. Unless it's less want to know. I don't want to know this. Unless it's less than $1,000, then I'll know about it. Hindsight.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I have not invested in cryptocurrency at all. Neither. Nor did I invest in NFTs. Though, what's his name? Howard really wanted us to. Ron Howard. Ron Howard really wanted us to. Ron Howard. Ron Howard really wanted us to buy those monkeys.

But no, not my investment of choice. No, what is? I invested in the property market and boy, oh boy, it's going so well. Honestly. You can't live in an NFT though. No, you can't. I looked, I looked into it.

Yeah, no, you can't. You can't live in an NFT. It's actually bugger't. I looked. I looked into it. Yeah, no, you can't. You can't live in an NFT. It's not possible. It's actually bugger all you can do with an NFT. Yeah, just look at it and copy and paste it. Anyway, so crypto, like when you think of crypto, you think of Bitcoin was kind of like the big one, right? And now there's just a bunch of them.

Oh, I know, there's so much. I thought we were done with it after the last crash. Well, there was a massive crash, but Friday last week, Bitcoin skyrocketed. But that's what it seems to do. That's what they say. It's a badly designed roller coaster. Up, fast and down.

Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah. Hmm, okay. Yeah, badly designed roller coaster they've described it as. However, on Friday, if you had of like, they've gone back because it launched in 2009. Right. If you had of it with. However, on Friday, if you had of like, they've gone back

because it launched in 2009. Right. If you had of, with a value of $0, if you had of invested $1,000 into Bitcoin in 2009, as of last week, how much money do you think

that you would have now for your thousand? I don't know. Like a hundred thousand. I've got a feeling we're only talking about it because it's going to be heaps. It's going to be more than that. I don't know. I've got a feeling we're only talking about it because it's going to be heaps. It's going to be more than that.

50 billion. No. What? 50 billion pounds. So how has somebody out there not got 50 billion pounds? Because surely somebody invested. No, it would have burnt a hole in their pocket before then. Do you reckon they would have dipped out?

Yeah, they would have tapped out. Long out. So they said that 50 billion pounds, which is about 100 billion New Zealand dollars, would only be if you held that crypto through all the price fluctuations for 15 years, didn't touch it, that's how much you would have.

So if you had purchased it and then completely forgot you had ever purchased it, your negligence to your financial investments would be the secret to your success. Imagine if you were hearing this right now. You're driving along. You're like, oh my God, I think I did invest a bit of money. In Bitcoin.

In Bitcoin. I think it was about $1,000. I'll go have a look now. You've got billions. You would never be able to withdraw that money. Oh, no. You can't just withdraw. You don't go to a Bitcoin ATM

and convert the Bitcoin to cash. I still really don't understand how crypto works. You can't just make up money. I really, really. It's the mining. It's when they're like, oh, the crypto mining.

I was like, what are you doing? How does that work? Are you going down in a lift? Yeah, little children down there with crypto on their faces. And they're at the doctor. They're like, I got the crypto lung. I got the crypto lung and got their little packed sandwiches and stuff.

The best thing about that big crash that happened, what, like a year ago? Was it a year ago? Yeah. Yeah, I can't remember when. It just stopped people going on and on about it. Because it happened with NFTs, which non-fungible tokens. I just don't understand. I just did not get it at all. Because it happened with NFTs, which non-fungible tokens. I just don't understand.

I just did not get it at all. And then apparently you didn't get it because it wasn't a real thing. I remember trying to understand it and I was like, so you own this image. I was like, yeah, but let's see if I just drag, if I just go command four. But it's going to be our key. Yeah. To the metaverse. What is the metaverse? I don't know what that is either. Anyway, if you are listening and you did get a bit of Bitcoin around 2009, log in, I reckon.

Unless you've lost your key number. Like that guy. Yeah. Then you're screwed. He's got an early investor and he can't find his login and he's only got one more chance. Every six months there's a story about that. Or someone's digging through

a landfill because it's the hard drive. There's always stories like that. You sound like you're jealous that you don't have a hundred billion. I just want to be somewhere where I never have to hear from people again. I thought you were going to say, I just want like one billion. That'd be nice. I'll take one

billion and no people. That would be great. Well, over the weekend, Rihanna, for the first time in a long time, played her first full-length concert. Because you're discounting the Super Bowl, right? Because that was sort of a bits of songs, medley kind of thing. How many songs did they do at the Super Bowl? Like five? But they don't do full songs.

They allocated so much time and they can choose to, they always do a medley. It's like 10 minutes or 15 minutes or something like that. And she did the Academy Awards last year. Do you remember that? She popped up. Oh, yes. She did her song from Black Panther.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But apart from that, since 2016, she hasn't done a concert. No. And everybody is hanging out for new music and concerts. She doesn't need to. She doesn't need to. She is so rich.

There's little mini Rihannas popping up. Tyler with water and she's got their old Rihanna vibe. You're saying she's being replaced by the new generation. She has. We all are slowly being replaced. Except luckily not in radio because it is such a dead end career now. People can see it's death in sight. The youngins aren't getting into the field.

Securing us to ride this cow until it's dead. Until death's door. Until it's rotting underneath us. Until it's crumbling. And we take a step through the door that is retirement. Can's my plan.

Can you Google how much Rihanna's worth? Because she at the weekend... I thought you wanted me to Google how long has radio got. We'll do that off air. She apparently reportedly was paid for this full-length concert at a private event in India, $6 million. So it was a billionaire wedding. So it was the son of a billionaire,

the youngest son of Indian... The only one who could ever teach me was the son of a billionaire. It was the son of Indian billionaire industrialist and his bride-to-be. Yeah, the youngest son and the bride-to-be. Wow. So for a wedding, and you know like Indian weddings go all out.

Oh my God, yeah. All out. Go for days. Go for days, yeah. 2.29 billion New Zealand dollars. She's worth 1.4 billion US dollars. Because of Fenty. Yeah, that's making all the money.

Fenty and the Fenty lingerie. And there you go. How much is she? Unless you're Taylor Swift and you're touring relentlessly, you're not going to make billions of dollars. Or just music. No. No, but Fenty was like revolutionary, basically.

So it does beg the question, why would you, like... We would all do that. 0.4% of her net worth. No, I know, but... That's the percentage of what she performed for. That's a lovely little top up. But it's not when you're worth a billion.

Do you have to pay tax on that? Yeah, well, I guess you would. Unless you just shove it in your bag and cashie. You just do it under the table cashie. Do a cashie. Do a rupee. Do a rupee job. Yeah, I'll do a rupee. Just a little bit of a rupe. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, like, I saw the concert and it's like, it's not like she's like in some dude's backyard doing a little private performance. They're in an arena and there's like flowers everywhere and they've got the full lighting

and everything. And she looks incredible. And a huge set list too. She did 16 songs. Oh, ended with Diamonds. 16 songs Oh I ended with Diamonds 16 songs Ended with Diamonds Because of the wedding

Yeah 16 All the hits as well Wow I'm Yeah okay 16 songs I charge a bit more

On Bad Girl Riri Yeah Which is worth Billions What are we talking hourly Right here What is it 6 million

6 million And how long did you say she performed for? Well, 16 songs. Probably an hour and a half. Go per song. How much she made per song. Okay. So six million.

One, two, three. One, two, three. That's how I work out how many. Yeah, same. When I say million, I go one, two, three. One, two, three. That's millions. Divided by 16 songs.

Yep. 375,000 US per song. It's not bad. Pretty good rate. It's not bad. It's not bad, is it? It75,000 US per song. It's not bad. Pretty good rate. It's not bad. It's not bad, is it? It's not bad to be like. It's not bad.

What way are you going to take it? She would have got the PJ. She would have got PJs. Oh, yeah. She would have got a private jet. Or a first pass, right? 100%. I was like, what's the PJs?

Yeah. Yeah. And she would have got catering. Oh, yeah. That would have been good catering. Probably a per diem. I love a per diem. It's not real money. A little work per diem. good catering. Probably a per diem. I love a per diem. It's not real money.

Yeah, I love a work per diem. It's good stuff. I'll go Rere. Well, yeah, you might have seen, yeah, a new music or new performance over the weekend, but, yes, she's not touring, so don't get your hopes up. Don't say it. Lazy girl, Rere.

Not bad girl, lazy girl. Would you be lazy if you had a billion dollars? No, I'd be super active and I'd be out there just continuing the mahi and just, nah, I'd be asleep right now. You would be. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hello. Staying in school until 18 or as long as you can. Yep. Slows down aging at a cellular level. What if I repeated a couple of years? That's what I'm thinking.

I can go back now. Yeah, I'd do fifth form again. That was kind of easy. Gain your youth. I didn't do my last year. Yeah, that was kind of tough. It had a lot weighing on it because, yeah, there was the social aspect of the final year at school, but also like exam, the most important exams.

Because I just went to course. I just went straight to course. Yeah, in the RAV4. In the RAV4. Yeah, totally. I did hairdressing at Tadoniki Polytech. Actually, my emails need a bit of a trim if you've got your scissors on. Yeah.

He actually needs a model. He actually needs a model to practice on. Yeah, I your scissors on. Yeah. He actually needs a model. He actually needs a model to practice on. Yeah, I do. That's triggering. I was a hair model. It's free. It's free. I was a hair model for lots of friends at course.

There's an age bracket where you're constantly seeing your friends asking for hair models. Yeah. Yeah. Once you're over 24, you shouldn't be asking. You shouldn't be asking. It's 18 to 24. That's six-year windows where your friends are allowed to ask you to be a hair model, of course. Yeah.

So how did they work this out? It's been well-researched and known for a long time that the more highly educated you are, the longer you'll live. Right. There's a whole lot of factors that if you're educated, you're less likely to chain smoke, for example, because your education has taught you it's bad for you. Tell that to drama students. Let's not call drama an education.

I was literally going to say, I don't think this applies to doing a silly degree like rolling on the floor. So higher education tends to lead to longer life and healthier lives. And so they've studied it like the cellular level, the turnover of cells and the function of micro... The cell's batteries.

Wow. Basically, the battery's more charged. Right. What about gut health? Anything about gut health there? Nothing yet. Scan the article for gut health. If you've got a work on your gut health,

you were sick last week, you've got to get that back. I was. I've got a great gut gut so I can eat anything. No, that's not good. I ate roadside in Cambodia and everyone else was shitting their pants and I was like,

yum, more. And they were like, more. They called me the white devil. Make it roarer. Here comes the white devil. They would be walking down the street in Cambodia

and they'd just run into their houses because the white devil was coming. They'd just throw offerings. And the white devil would go, amongst them all up. Like a video coming. They'd just throw offerings. And the white devil would go...

Munch them all up. Like a video game. Growing and growing. But then it turned out I was actually the good guy. I defended their village against invading forces. So the white devil saved the day. The top six ways to trick your body into thinking you're still at school.

Number six on the list. Eat sandwiches and muesli bars while sitting on a hard wooden bench every day. And your body will be like, I must be in the education system. And it will start, the cells will regenerate. You'll instantly look like younger. Glad wrapped? Has the sandwich been glad wrapped? The sandwich is glad wrapped.

The muesli bars are drier than you can imagine. And the hard wooden bench has been painted just layers and layers of paint. Yeah. That's the trick. Do you use glad wrap these days for the kids' lunches? Because you get cancelled

for doing that. Nah. Nah, it's all made out of cornstarch these days. Or should I have bought posh lunch boxes that like lock,

airlock. Oh, must be nice. It must be nice. Don't raise a couple of bloody wimps, you know. No, that's the thing I'm worried. They're not going to have the iron guts of the white devil. Number

five on the list of the toxic ways to trick your body into thinking you're still at school. Start work at nine and finish at three. And have a couple of breaks throughout. Yeah, you know that that means that we'd actually end up working more. No. We'll be finished work by nine.

Thank you very much. Number four on the list of the top six ways to trick your body into thinking you're still at school. Get your mum to write you notes to get out of work stuff that you don't want to do. And if she won't do it, forge it. Forge it. I can still do my mum's signature from those days. And just say at work, like, I can't do that. I got my period.

True. Which I learnt the hard way won't get a boy out of PE. No. How embarrassing. Try as he might. You sat on tomato sauce and everything

to make it look believable. And we're like, what's going on with you? Number three, we actually convinced a guy at school, he never did it, but he was close to doing it.

If he wanted to get out of PE, the boy's equivalent was an unstoppable boner. What? You know, girls would be like, they'd go up to the PE teacher, because there was always a guy and a girl, and they'd be like,

I can't do PE, I've got my period. And the peer would be like, that's fine, you can sit there and eat. We were almost convinced of the guy, and be like, I can't do PE, I've got an unstoppable boner. Please. It's almost sore.

Wish he'd done it. Number three on the list of the top six ways to trick your body into thinking you're still at school. Wag work and go for a passion some ciggies down the street. Oh yeah,

come back with a couple of hickeys on you. Reekin' of darts. Oh gosh. Reekin' of darts. That'll keep you young. Number two on the list of the top six ways

to trick your body into thinking you're still at school. Cut work into digestible 45 minute long stints that we'll call periods that are slightly different topics each 45 minutes. Oh, that'd be nice. Keep it fresh. And then make one of them blank. Yeah, free.

Yeah, yeah, study. Study. And please see number three on the list, ciggies and pash. And number one on the list of the top six ways to trick your body into thinking you're still at school. Get your mum to call work's office and say you're sick today so you can't go to work. That would be so nice.

Yeah. Have a long weekend. Do you remember when Aaron rang in sick for me once? I was so unwell and Aaron did the deed. And then we teased you for like the next week. I had Sade do it for me once. I was like, they'll believe it more if it comes from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ring him. We didn't., they'll believe it more if it comes from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ring him. We didn't. We didn't believe it more. No one believes it. No. No one believes anything. That's today's top six. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I'm trying to think about school fundraisers. We did bake sales. We did selling chocolates. Did you ever do like skipathons, jump rope kind of stuff? That wasn't for school though. No, but for fundraising you'd have to do it for X amount of time. Was that a thing?

Yeah, that was. But you gave the money to the Heart Foundation. Yes, Jump for Heart. Yeah, maybe. Jump Rope for Heart. School fundraising you did the plastics. We used to do the plastics and the pies. What was plastics?

You'd go around and you'd be like, would you be interested in buying 100 pens and some plastic bags? It was the 90s, baby. We were plastic bagging. Wow. Pens and plastic bags. And containers. Guys, I think we've just pinpointed the start of global warming.

I think so. At Morrinsville College. And their plastic bags. Plastic fundraising. No, not like disposable plastic bags. Like Tupperware. Yeah, but it wasn't Tupperware. It wasn't.

No, I don't believe it had a name. Okay. It wasn't branded. Oh, wow. It was rip-off Tupperware. It was drop shipping. Dude, it was 90s drop shipping. It was drop shipping 20 years before anybody knew what drop shipping was.

Right. Well, like we've all done sort of irregular fundraising, but there's a fundraiser from a high school, Deer Creek High School in Oklahoma, that has gone viral because their fundraiser was to get peanut butter and put it on the toes of the person giving the money. And then the students got down on their stomachs

and licked it off. Are the students, this is a dog school? Sucking on the toes. No. Now, the teachers want us to know that they had nothing to do with it. Who did? Who organized it then?

The teachers were like, the students came up with this idea on their own. They all volunteered, meaning they consented to doing it. You know, no one was pushed into doing it. This was their idea. The other thing to take into account, because all these local politicians are coming in

and being like, this is the kind of behaviour we're cleaning up. We're going to clean this up in Oklahoma. They also want you to know that they raised $150,000. America. What? For a local charity. I don't know which one it doesn't say. And every dollar was raised by sucking peanut butter off of toes.

Off of toes. That's not a... Who's paying? This is my thing. You know those foot people. Yeah. They're out there. They spend money.

They're out there. You're offering to do what now to my toes? I'll give you a thousand. That would have made some people's days. Absolutely. Having some high school students sucking off... That is ridiculous. Some peanut butter

So one of the parents said The school needs to admit That probably this wasn't a great idea And they should have put a stop to it But like, how did they get to What did you say? $150,000 Until somebody thought this was wrong

Or it's under investigation now Because it's done in the school gymnasium. Is this like some kind of thing that's been done over the years? Do you want to see it? There's a video. The age-old Oklahoma

peanut butter toe sock. Look, like the people sitting there on chairs with their bare feet. They're like little kids. They're tiny children. Nah, they're like final year of high school.

They just look very petite. But yeah, they're looking. Oh my God. They're tiny children. Nah, they're like final year of high school. They just look very petite. But yeah, they're looking. Oh my God. It's so much. Those are adult things. They're not just fellow students. But wait, you know how everyone's looking for a side hustle? $150,000.

Only fans. I'd suck a couple of toes. That could be the only fans. You lick things and you're like, give me $1,000 and I'll do your suggestion. Mrs. Peanut Butter. Yeah. This one's for you, Daniel.

Do you think that's already a no? Lick what off of what? I would Google that if I wasn't flagged by IT. Who are quite busy at the moment sorting out Shannon. Don't know if you heard Shannon's in the bad books of IT. Soy Queer. Because she's been illegally downloading shows on the work laptop.

I think she's streaming them. From a big gay website. Downloading streaming, it's the same thing. Right. It's all very different. Ask anyone with a limewire. Yeah. Download that thing on your mum's computer.

That's toast. Yeah, she's ignoring them. I left on Friday and forgot. Well, there you go. Well, happy Monday. Good with that. Have your mom's computer. That's toast. Yeah, she's ignoring them. I left on Friday and forgot. Well, there you go. Well, happy Monday. Good with that. Have fun dealing with that. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Which dating app is the best dating app? Silly Little Pole. It's Grindr.

That's your go-to, is it? For me, when I'm looking for love, I go straight to Grindr. Yep. How heteronormative. It wasn't even on our list. I know. I guess it would have fallen under other. Under other, yeah. Yeah, well, there's quite a few now, isn't there Grindr. Yep. How heteronormative. It wasn't even on our list. I know. I guess it would have fallen under other. Under other, yeah.

Yeah, well, there's quite a few now, isn't there? Yeah. Yeah. So we put up three and then other. They were Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and other. Tinder coming out on top. Yeah. Still.

38%. I thought people were a bit over Tinder. Maybe not. Old faithful. It's a cesspool for sure. Now, are you putting a T in cesspool? I think it's cess. I did put a T in there. It's just C-E-S-S-P-O-L-E. Yeah, a zest pool for sure. Now, are you putting a T in zest pool? I think it's cess. I did put a T in there.

It's just C-E-S-S pool. Yeah, I know. Cest. It sounds like a zest pool as you're describing a zesty pool. I said zest and cess. Sometimes you make out like you didn't go to a private school. I want to come down to your level. Yeah, by adding letters to words.

I want to be sort of separated on my own over here. So every now and then I've done Chuckin'. Yeah, I did Seen It. I've done Seen It. Yep, and Assessed Pool. Assessed Pool. Fantastic performance. Yeah.

Assessed Pit. Assessed Pit. There's also Assessed Pool, Assessed Pit, and a Soak Pit. So you could say Tinder's a real soak pit. We don't do soak pits anymore, do we? It's old faithful. We do it for some things, not so much for Suraj. I'm getting distracted.

Tinder coming out on top. Hinge is second, 26%. Bumble, 23%. And other, 13%. Okay, some responses. That's your grinder and stuff. Tell us why. Sarah says, I met my now husband on Bumble, so I'm biased.

Oh, yeah, cute. See, my first initial brain reaction was they've rushed into that. No, but that's... But Bumble's... Because in my mind, these things are all five years old. Tops. Tinder feels like it's been around for longer, but like Tinder came out... Oh, you saw it in you.

I saw it in you. Okay, what year do you think it came out? Who am I? Who am I? 2013. So close. So close. 2012. Yeah. And this year, Bumble will be celebrating its 10th birthday.

No. Yeah. December 2014. Because there was a bit of a fight, wasn't there? Because the person that started Bumble used to work for Tinder. Of course. And Tinder were like, you kind of can't beat some staff. You took my whole idea.

And Hinge was 2012. Yeah. I thought Hinge was the latest. I thought it was older. It took a long time to get here, I think. Yeah. Right. It was the deal. So Sarah may have met her husband in the early days. And not rushed into it at all. It's just commonplace, isn't it? Meeting on dating apps.

Sam said, just go to the RSA. That's where Fletch met Margaret. Guaranteed to work every time. She pulled the handles. My fictitious wife, yeah. It's all over now, guys. Tell you what, Margaret nails a Guinness pour. She, well, she doesn't rush things.

And that's the most important thing about a Guinness pour. Yeah. Slow and steady wins the race. Girls' message first is just outdated. Bumble also had that Tinder overflow boys so found Hinge to be more organic for relationships

not hookups. Yeah. That's what Kaylee says. Beautiful Kaylee. Kat says, I met a guy on Tinder and we're coming up five years together.

When people ask how we met I'm quick to say Tinder. I think it gets a hookup only reputation but I know lots of successful Tinder couples. Yeah. Yeah.

And there'd be Tinder babies. Yeah, there are Tinder babies. Yeah, Bumble babies. Michaela's Grindr. No. Up them. No babies.

Right. They're all terrible said Michaela. Need to find someone organically or be single forever. That's the way I'm headed. Right.

We're really talking about the word organic, aren't we? Yeah. No pesticides. Absolutely given up on life. Grindr's the best.'m headed. Right. We're really talking about the word organic, aren't we? Yeah. No pesticides. Absolutely given up on life. Grind is the best. Yeah, so it's the gay yellow pages. Gay yellow pages.

That's where I'm going wrong on it. Yeah. Right. I'm not the demographic. No. Gay yellow pages, so is everybody's name like A-A-A-A-A plumbing?

Yes. Because that means they're the first in the book. Oh my God, yes, that's right. Yeah, A1 design, but only because... A1 Plus, yeah. Yeah, A1 Plus. Aardvark Enterprises.

I know, because that poor person with ZZZZZ plumbing. No one's going there. No one was getting to that. I'm not sticking around long enough. No. Aisha says, met my husband on Plenty of Fish. That was almost 70 years ago in the UK. Oh, right. Okay.

Seven years ago. Did it sound like I said 70? It did. And I was like, gosh, we have an older... It was a newsletter. Yeah. Okay. Plenty of fish dating.

What can I tell you about this at a quick look? It's a Canadian online dating website popular in the UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand? Never heard of that. It's New Zealand. It started in 2003 as a website and then has since moved to an app. Oh, yes. Oh, one more. Cameron says, marrying my Tinder match?

Very soon. We met, we swiped right five years ago. Congratulations. Lots of love stories out there. So many. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A con de nas de traveller. Now, apparently this is a big, massive travel website.

Yes. Well, it used to be like a posh travel magazine, didn't it? For years. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It might still be. I don't know. I still see the magazine rack at the supermarket. It blows my mind that people still buy magazines.

I buy New Zealand House and Garden. Do you? Yeah, I do. You are such a boomer. Oh, no. I think my mum gets that. I told you it because my mum's bought every shoe since 1981 or something. That's right.

She's kept them all and now I'm becoming her. Anyway, so this Gondinas Traveller, they have a Reader's Choice Awards every year. Okay. And get about half a million respondents telling you why they like this place. And they put together a list of the best places in the world to travel to. I've got the list of 19.

Where's 20? Oh, is there oh no, 19th equal? Was one of them an equal? Which pushes it out to 20. I hate when they do an equal. Just pick one. Just pick one. Shove one of them and put it in alphabetical. No, 19th is France. There's no 20. I don't know why.

I thought France was the top 10. Yeah, no, it's not. So there's Austria in there, there's South Africa. Should we do the top 10? Okay, let's do the top 10. Yeah, okay. Because what's 11? Australia.

Yeah, we'll do top 10. Yeah. Wait, are we in the top 19 at all? I don't know. Why don't you tune in, you little twerp? It's coming up. It's coming. Yes, we're in there.

Spoiler, spoiler, spoiler. Yes. Stop it. Number 10, Turkey. Okay. Now, I've been to Turkey. I've been to Istanbul. Beautiful.

Love it. It's one of the best places I've ever been in my life. Love it. I agree with this. Yeah, it's definitely on my list. It looks amazing. It's got some UNESCO sites. It's got great food, great people.

Easy to get to. We love it. Lamb's a bit dry. I'd say the lamb is itching on dry you can't just say an entire country's lamb is dry they're cooking it

too hard and fast yeah lamb coffers today whenever I've had them anywhere in that area Greek any further into the Mediterranean

than Greece yep you got dry lamb okay they gotta go low and slow you got dry lamb what are you doing you're drying it out.

Wow. I think you may need to visit Istanbul to see if the lamb is in fact that dry. World War I, deplete all your moisture? We need to apologise to our Turkish listeners. I won't apologise. Turkey. Number nine, Switzerland.

No, I've been there. Very expensive. Must be nice, never. So expensive. I haven't been to any of these yet. One of the most expensive places I've ever been in my life. $100 steak. But one of the most beautiful places. Oh, I've been there. Very expensive. Must be nice. Never. So expensive. I haven't been to any of these yet. One of the most expensive places I've ever been in my life. $100 steak. But one of the most beautiful places.

Oh, yeah. Basel. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. The hills. Very like when I went to Lake Lucerne. Very Queenstown. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Like in the mountain ranges and that kind of vibe. So that's number nine. Number eight. I've been here. Goh. Norway. Also very expensive. I've been there. Very expensive, but beautiful. You can see the northern lights. It's number nine. Number eight, I've been here. Oh, Norway. Also very expensive. I've been there.

Very expensive, but beautiful. You can see the northern lights. It's just stunning. And yeah, got to have money to go there for sure. Number seven now, I've been here. Jesus, I haven't been to any of them so far. Portugal. Oh, I've been there.

I'd love to go to Portugal. Same. I think I'd tear it up. George. You'd tear it up. I think I'd tear it up. You would tear it up? I think I'd tear it up in Portugal. Okay, what would you tear You would tear it up. I think I'd tear it up in Portugal.

Okay, what would you tear up? The dry land. The food, the beers. No, no, no. Moist succulent paella and such on the Iberian Peninsula. Gorgeous. They know their moisture. Yeah.

The Portugal love it wet. Somewhere between the mouth of the Mediterranean and the arse end of the Mediterranean in Turkey, the moisture disappears. Okay. Now, number six. I've been here, Spain. Jesus.

I know. I have not been there. Haven't you? No. I feel like you're saving up all of your travel for it. Because this is what happens when you have kids. You can't travel to places. Yeah.

And so you have to wait until they leave home at like 40. Yeah, and then you're all sore and tired. And then just before you go into a home, you do a cruise around all these places. Yes, and you just live on the cruise ship they wheel you off the ship you can't walk up any of the stairs here's the Leaning Tower of Pizza

and it's just a pizza it's just a pizza do you know last year this very website did the world's 50 best bars in the world and number one was a bar called Sips in Barcelona I think I'd tear it up my friend you would tear it up 50 best bars in the world and number one was a bar called Sips in Barcelona oh yeah

I think I'd tear it up I think I'd tear it up you would my friend you would tear it up tear it up okay number five New Zealand

yay I've been there I've been there I've done New Zealand I've been there I am I is there I is there right now

I've seen it there's beautiful nightlife performances everywhere it's beautiful number four I've been here Ireland I wonder if nightlife performances everywhere. It's beautiful. Number four. I've been here.

Ireland. I wonder if I'm going to make the full top ten. I haven't been. I haven't been. Have you ever been to Ireland? Are we to go? I hope Scotland's on the list so then I can say

I've done it. Oh, you've done it. I love Scotland. Okay, here's your top three. I've been here. Greece. Been there? Yeah!

Welcome, welcome. We went to Mykonos. Saw Willys. At the nude beach. I saw Will here. Greece. Been there? Yeah. Yay. Welcome, welcome. We went to Mykonos. Saw a willy. Saw willies. At the nude beach. I saw willies in Greece. I think I'd tear it up. And Vorn nearly got run over when a scooter went under a truck.

Yeah, dude. It was great times. Okay, number two. I've been to the full top ten. Italy. God damn it. Yeah, I've been there. Italy is number one.

Wow, the wedding. Well, speak to me about Italy's lamb moisture levels. Oh, great. Wet. Slow cook. I'm talking a pull off the bone. Number one on the list.

I've been there. I've done that. I've done it. I've seen it. Japan. Lots of people go to Japan this year. I've got a couple

of friends there. Yeah. Japan really had a big year because they kept their borders closed for longer than everybody else. They're like up there with us when it came to COVID response. Well, so you've got to time it up for cherry blossom season.

Beautiful place to go. These are your top 10. I've been, done, seen it all. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. You know me, always looking for a social occasion. Yes. Always looking for ways to keep it spicy.

And Shannon at the social media slash snacks and cuddles desk has heard of a new way of having a dinner party. Yeah, it's called the plus one dinner night. Okay. I love being a plus one. It's good fun. Take me anywhere.

I reckon you guys could establish this into your next gaggle hangout. Okay. Well, I don't like introducing new people. I don't know where new people come along. I don't know them. What if they're lame? The books are pretty closed on the gaggle, but present your idea.

Okay, so what everyone does, so just say we did it with the six of us here. Yep. All six of us show up to a dinner party, and every person here brings a plus one that nobody here knows. No. Wait, it's Vaughn. Wait, so Vaughn's not bringing his wife.

She's at home. It has to be someone that none of us five have met. He'll send in lieu of himself, he'll send his wife. He'll send a plus two.

No, so you've got to bring someone that none of us would know. So maybe you guys would bring a friend from back home or someone from high school or maybe one of Sade's friends we haven't met.

I'm not bringing one of her friends. No, this is a fun way to make friends as an adult. I don't want to make more friends. I've told you I'm in a culling period. You're no longer invited. You're all on the chopping block. So is the idea that we're going to meet new interesting people? Yeah, and the idea is that basically

if they're a friend of the person you're friends with, then logically you'll have similar traits as them. So, you know, if I get on with Hayley super well, then I'll probably get on with her mate. This is like when somebody says, you are going to love my friend. No, but remember I did this for my birthday. Yes, exactly. And then I left early.

I did bridges. Friend bridges. Friend bridges. So, like, you don't know this person, but there's a bridge between you in another form of a human. I don't know. We could do this.

Who would you bring as your plus one that none of us know? Well, you kind of know everyone. Bring your brother. I haven't met him. I know him. He's not here. He's in your place.

Yeah, because are you allowed to bring someone else that someone else at the table knows? No one knows. The idea is that nobody knows. Fletch and I have known each other for 20 years. We've met everybody that we would like to bring to a dinner party. Have you met Margaret yet?

Maybe he could bring Margaret. No, we haven't met in a while. I used to date Margaret. Oh my God. That's what the tension of the show is. Fletch is having my seconds. He's having my scraps. Ex-wife Margaret, yes. Are you off again with Margaret?

Because last time... We established... Yeah, it's off. I wonder why she messaged me at the weekend. Because she's sniffing around. She's sniffing around. She wants to go back to the cave. This is becoming a thing and it shouldn't be a thing.

It's becoming a thing and it shouldn't be... From the pauper to the prince. It shouldn't be a thing. She's going back to the castle. I think this is a good idea. I mean, this is very like, it's got drama school energy. This is horribly drama school.

I know someone that will do dinner parties and invite couples or friends, like maybe one or two friends that know each other and kind of curate a group. Yeah, that's what I did. I've done it before. Yeah, that they think people will get on with. Yeah, I sort of did this at New Year's.

Like we had the six of us that had been there and then we added in a two and then everyone was like, great read on the vibe. Great read on the vibe. And it works. What is my face doing right now? Scrunched.

Yeah, I felt it. Sade said I've got to be more aware of my facial expressions. We have been told to warm it up. Yeah, yeah. We've been talked to or people are talking about something that i'm not interested in right apparently my face just try this hey vaughn um aaron and i think you're throwing a little dinner party with some close friends oh no the eyes

they kind of close over they kind of close over don't they sneeze i was stretching it back all right we're gonna have a dinner party and we'd love for you to come and i was gonna invite a bunch of random people. You haven't met them yet, but I think you'll love them. I shook my head. I was smiling, but my head started shaking. It worked on the face. I can't hide what I've got going on.

No, you really can't, can you? Now I just want to throw this party. Shanna, you're allowed to come. Thank you. I can't wait. It'll be fun. Do you get told last week I had a cold face? No, I thought I had a friendly face.

No, you've got a cold face. Hey, look, I had a friendly face. No, you've got a cold face. Hey, look, as someone with a bitchy, resty face, I understand. Yeah, but you know how to warm it up on ease. See, I've got an open face, and that's why I've got 5,000 friends. Your face is not moving a lot, though. Bottom half moves. Bottom half's really going. Play.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Guys, we're killing it at the bloody World Athletics Indoor Champs in Glasgow right now. Hamish Kerr, they just got a little notification. Hamish Kerr just won a gold World Champ. National record, beats his national record, wins World Indoor Live Jump Gold. He got silver yesterday. Silver, and Tom Walsh got silver as well. Tom with the shot put.

Yeah. Oh, that's great, isn't it? That's nice. Oh, my God. If you had stuck to your running, you could be there too, Fletch. I don't know about that. I gave up. You gave up.

Hamish could have the high jump. I was nearly an all black too. Oh, were you nearly an all black? I was only in the 8th 15. Didn't you go to school with an all black? Yeah. That means you were nearly an all black. Yeah, that means I was nearly an all black.

Oh, wow. Yeah. You were only 7 15s off the first 15. I was nearly a Victoria's Secret model because I went to high school with a Victoria's Secret model. I was so close. I was nearly Prime Minister then. Really?

Yes, because you went to school with the former Prime Minister. I was Vice Prime Minister. Wow, I was nearly news anchor Hilary Barry because she went to the same high school as me. Different times, slightly different. Crazy. Well, well done, New Zealand. Hilary Barry would she went to the same high school as me. Different time, slightly different. Crazy. Well, well done, New Zealand. Hilary Barry would be younger than you, wouldn't she?

19 minutes away. Do I need more? You do. Do I need a couple more? Oh, my nature. Oh, shove it in. Now, you brought this story to my attention, Fletch. And to you, you consider this to be one of the most boring date options possible

because Joe Jonas... I consider this to be one of the most boring date options possible. Because Joe Jonas. I consider the sport or this recreational activity to be one of the most boring things you can do. Wait, let me guess. Oh, how long do I have? I just sit in silence for five minutes. We tend to like to keep these things quite tight. Moving. I was thinking of.

You've got 10 seconds to name a recreational activity that's very boring. Tell me when my 10 seconds is up. Oh, my God. Five. Four. I actually don't know anything. Fishing. Paddle boarding.

Paddle boarding. Paddle boarding. Ask anybody that's rented those out. They're just like, you go out and you're like, now what? Standing here trying to not fall off. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, well, I guess I'll go back then. Because show is the most exciting thing you're like, now what? Standing here trying to not fall off. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, well, I guess I'll go back then. Because Joe's the most exciting thing you're hoping to see, an orca.

But then can you imagine how terrifying it would be to be on a paddleboard and an orca swimming around you? No, no, I want to be on a boat and see an orca. Yeah, a boat, yes, but not a paddleboard. I'd quite like to be on land and see an orca. Same, close enough, but I want to see it. So Joe Jonas, who separated from Sophie Turner, has been dating Stormy Bree, who is a model, ex-Miss Teen USA.

Right. I'm familiar. Cute. Cute tush. Looking good. Now, they were on a boat in the Sydney Harbour. They're in Australia right now because they were... So did he take her to Australia?

I don't know. She's missed- You said she's missed teen USA. Yeah, she's American. He took her. A bit soon. Like, because all of his brothers are there. It's feeling full on.

I know, it's feeling very large. Your brothers are there. Yeah, it's a lot. You were saying if you were on holiday with Philip, you wouldn't bring Miss USA? A hot rebound. A hot rebound? You wouldn't?

No. Okay. No, you couldn't. Because he's got kids as well. Are the kids on tour with him or are they at home with Sophie? Probably at home with Sophie. Because she was, oh no, but yeah. She's flown halfway around the world to join him and he's like, let's go paddle boarding.

Yeah, like on a date. On a date. No, absolutely not. Yeah. Well, you think it's extremely boring. I think we could hear from some more boring dates than paddle boarding. You know when you're like,

okay, we're going to finally go on a date and they're like, oh my God, we should go to the library and read. What are we doing at the library? I thought we could just like sort of peruse some books and read. There is that whole thing now where rather than spending money on drinks and dinner

and a coffee or whatever, go and do something like an outdoor activity. I'm trying to think about the most boring date I've ever been on. Movie dates are a bit boring. Unless we're frottaging in the back. Yeah, it's not a first date thing, eh? No. Because you don't talk to them.

Exactly. It's all about the before and after. When I was younger, I thought that was the go-to. We'll go see a movie. Because if you were going to go see a comedy, and they were like, uh, and they were really lucky. You'd be like, huh, interesting. Because then you get to know where

they're at and that sort of thing. But yeah, you don't get to talk to them too much. Yeah. Unless you go out before or after. What if like the boring date was like lunch with my nan or something? Cute. It's kind of a bit cute. It would be cute. That'd actually be a big massive green flag. But yeah,

we want to know this morning those boring dates that you've been on. Where did you end up on a date? Where'd they take you? And you were just like, okay, this is a date

and I'm here. This is weird. Yeah. I don't know, maybe a family occasion. You're like, this is a first or second date. This is not cool.

A baptism. Yeah. Or maybe they tried to take you paddle boarding. Or they're trying to get their kids into a Catholic school. Would you mind coming?

Get them baptized. I'm just going to pop up for communion. Well, they're trying to get their kids into a Catholic school. Would you mind coming? I'll get them baptised. I'm just going to pop up for communion. Are you? I'll come, yeah. Okay. Just say, when he says body of Christ, you say amen. What do I say about eating it? You say amen and then you eat it.

All right, I'll be there. 0800-DARLES-ANYMORE. We want to take your calls now. You can text through 9696. What is the most boring date someone's ever taken you on? You want to know how boring your date was. What are the boring- date someone's ever taken you on? You want to know how boring your date was. What are the boring-ass date that someone took you on? Because you think that Jojo is taking what's-her-face.

We're talking about the early dates. He's taken her on a paddleboard, a stand-up paddleboard. Oh, yeah, not your, like, we've been together for years. All the dates are boring at that point. We're talking about the early dating dates. I just wanted to clarify that. People will be like, we sit on the couch and what? No, that's life.

That's your date night, is it? Okay. Those early dates, the weird places that you've ended up on may be very boring. Some messages in. Went on a first date to a West Coast beach. Not a great idea to strand yourself in a remote location with a stranger. Luckily, I had the sense to insist on driving.

After he talked my ear off, he went for a swim and I read my book. There were zero sparks and the date ended. That is so unsexy. That's like late-term relationship stuff. You go for a swim, I'm reading my book and you're saying, let's go, there's too many flies here. It's cold.

I went on a date with a guy who took me to the wake of one of his soccer friends who had recently died. No! I mean, free booze, though. Like, was there free booze or some food, at least? Was it club sandwiches? Was it Lamingtons? How did this person recover?

Hey, I took my now wife to shoot a cow on our first date. Took a while to get back from that one. To be honest, when the cow needs shooting, the cow needs shooting. I don't know if you've got a date plan or not. You can't put that thing off and you can't let that animal suffer. You've got to get back from that one. To be honest, when the county's shooting, the county's shooting. I don't know if you can date plan or not. You can't put that thing off and you can't let that animal suffer. You've got to end it. I worked with a guy that bought his first date to our Christmas party. Free booze, though.

Again, free booze. You wouldn't want to do that with me. At the workplace? I know. It's all called work, dude. Everyone meeting your first date? No, absolutely not. Always sort of fundamentally awkward.

Although great excuse to leave the work dude. Oh yeah, true. This is going terribly. Right now, we're talking about your boring dates that you've been on. Joe Jonas took his new fling. Oh look, I've already damned the relationship. Who am I? It could be true love.

His new girlfriend paddle boarding, which you think is very boring. It's just one of the most boring recreational things you can do. And you're not even near each other either because you're sort of just floating off and drifting apart. Great for the core. And that's what you want from a first date. Great for the core. Great for the core. Well, it's also going to show up if you don't have a core as well, you know.

Wobbly. Because you'll be falling. You'll be very wobbly. Jess, good morning morning good morning now what happened on a first date so it wasn't our first date but it was in the first month of us dating um my parents had adopted two kittens and like two months before and one of them got sick and died and so they were having a cat funeral and i found this out on the day when we were already planning on going and doing some swimming or doing something.

And so on the way back from that, I was like, do you mind if we just call in real quick for the thing? We just had like five minutes. Just real quick. We're just going to pop into a cat funeral. And so we get there and he's met my family once before. We get there. Dad opens the door, gives us both these big hugs,

so automatically he's on hugging terms with my dad. Was Dad a bit upset? They were all very upset. So bear in mind, again, this is not a family pet. We'd only had it for like two months. Yeah, you are. We barely know it. We walk into the lounge.

My mum, who's a pianist, is playing something on the piano, something really dramatic. The cat is lying on a towel on the couch, like, open casket. Oh, God, it's a tonguey. It's like you're having the body, you know, there for everybody to sleep by. We were called onto the marae. Yeah, kia ora. Yeah, so we all

went in for the tonguey, and my dad was like, does anyone want a pet cat? And we're like, oh, my God, no, we're good. My nieces and nephews are all little and they're crying and i'm like oh i'm trying to wait a minute wait a minute extended family routine for a two month old cat yeah well i've seen my nieces and nephews spend a lot of time with grandma and granddad and so they'd been with the kittens a lot so they were very upset then um i finally the song ends and I'm like, oh, thank Jesus, we can go outside now.

Thank Jesus himself. Actually, the cat was Buddhist. Oh, yeah. Mum cranks into a second song and I'm like, oh my God, will this ever end? She's hitting the moonlight, Sonata. And we go to bury the cat. Dad has pre-dug a hole, thank God.

We get there, we put the cat in the hole. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just pause in the middle of this. How is this date doing with all of this so far? I completely forgot he was even there, to be honest. I did. That's what we're talking about. I kept sort of tuning in to him and I was like, I am so sorry.

I'm like, we will leave as soon as we can. And he was just, the funniest thing was we had just been swimming before that. And so his eyes were kind of red. So it almost looked like he was crying a little bit. Fantastic. So we get outside, we bury the cat. Dad asks him if he'd like to put some dirt in the grave. And he's like, I'm good, thank you.

And as we're leaving, I said to him, look, I understand if you never want to see me again. But eight years later, we're getting married. Oh, yeah. Yes. Oh, my God. What a way to start.

Death does bring people together. I know. It really does. Amazing. Dare I call a caller of the week? On a Monday. I'm happy to invest. We're happy the cat funeral, there's piano playing. I love that. Caller of the week. The bar has'm happy. On a Monday. We're happy. The cat funeral, there's piano playing.

I love that. Caller of the week. The bar has been set high on a Monday. We've got a $50 McCafe voucher for you from our friends at McCafe. Well done. And our condolences to your family. Yes, our condolences. Please send our love.

Thank you, Jess. Z, good morning. It's a hard story to follow up. But what happened on a first date? So not as good as that one. Okay. It was picked up for, it might have been a second date. Okay.

And he said we were going shopping, and I thought, we went grocery shopping for his family. I thought you meant like, oh, we might get a little treat, a little jewellery, a little handbag. Wait, his wife and kids or? I thought this is my kind of second date,

but this was like a full load family grocery shop. Oh, no. And so you'll just see, well, he's deciding, you know, what kind of. How many onions do we need this week? Tapping the watermelon. Yeah. There's something really unsexy about buying, like,

bulk toilet paper for your date's family. Yeah. There's something really un-syncy about buying, like, bulk toilet paper for your date's family. Yeah. I poop a lot. And so, good to know if he's a three-ply buyer early in the dating process. You don't want to be dating a two-plyer. I was definitely not three-ply. Okay. Did it work out in the end?

Oh, you cut out, Z? Did it work out? Now we need to know, Z. Did it work out? It didn't work know, Z. Did it work out? It didn't work out. It didn't work out. It didn't work out. Fuel, fuel, fuel.

God, you cut off. It was the two-ply situation. We need to know. Z, thank you. A couple of messages. We went bowling for our first date, and I won bowling, and he didn't talk to me for the rest of the evening. Oh, sore loser.

That's also good to know early on. Did that work out? Don't know. Don't know. I took my current partner to the zoo for our first date. That's also good to know early on. Did that work out? Don't know. Don't know. Don't know. I took my current partner to the zoo for our first date. That's a great first date. Yeah, that's great.

She's not an animal person. Who's not an animal person? Who hates animals? That much. They wouldn't enjoy a zoo trip. Who is at the zoo and sees monkeys and is like, I hate that. Not for me. Who looks at the African installation at zebras, ostriches, a

rhinoceros, and a giraffe all in one area and isn't immediately like, I'm getting a taste of a whole continent here. This rules. I hate this. If one comes near me and licks me, that's the best day of my life. Not for them. I'm going to finish on this one. You get ready to punch

out. Okay. Chick took me to a work party for our first date. Oh, are you reading that one? Pretty boring party. I'm going to edit it heavily. Pretty boring. They're shaking their head in the producer's booth. They don't think you should be reading it.

Let them shake. Get your finger ready to clap. Okay. I'm a broadcasting professional. I've been doing this for more than a couple of moons. Pretty boring party. But ended up. I don't know how to do it now. Ended up getting a little frisky

with one of her male colleagues in the back of the RSA van on the way home, so not all bad. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. He is coming back to New Zealand. Three huge shows in Auckland, Wellington and Crushitch. We can give you those dates now.

Thursday, the 4th of July, Crushitch Town Hall. That is an incredible venue. I love it. It's one of my faves. That'll be an all-ages gig as well. Spark Arena is all-ages on the 6th of July and the 7th of July in Wellington at Michael Fowler Centre. That is all- ages as well.

All those details are at ZMO online. Frontier Touring is where you sign up for the pre-sale. Frontiertouring.com slash Teddy Swims. That will be a 24-hour pre-sale from the 7th of March. So this Thursday, lunchtime, midday local time, and it'll just go until the pre-sale has run out, which you would imagine they would because it's very popular.

Now, those are Teddy Swim's concert dates, aren't they? Yes, Teddy Swim's. What a coincidence. We've got them on Zoom here. Teddy Swim's, good morning. How are you? I'm so good. How are you feeling?

How are you feeling? We're feeling fresh, zesty, and just ready for a great week, honestly. I heard that. We're also extremely excited you're coming back to New Zealand, and you've upgraded from a bloody- Recording in progress. From a town-

Oh, that was a bit creepy, wasn't it? That woman just interrupted me. It's recording in progress. Recording in progress. We're just going to watch this back later, you know? Yeah. This is just for personal use. But Teddy,

you've upgraded from a town hall to a bloody arena. That's crazy, dude. What? Like that, Spark Arena is a massive venue

and it's pretty awesome but it makes sense. Don't you have like two billion streams worldwide? I'd have died if I couldn't tell you. Look, I couldn't call it, but I'll tell you what.

It shows something, man. Are you having fun? Oh, man, yeah. That's rule one right there, man. Have fun. You gotta have fun. Whenever you see the videos or, you know, you're singing and you did, like, quite famously the duet on TikTok,

you were like, duet with me and all these people. You just always look like you're having fun. Yeah, I get to do what I love with my best friends. How could I not be? You know, it's just the best life. Us too.

Hey, we're best friends. Um. Yeah. Come on. How lucky, how lucky are we guys? To just hang out with our best friends

and talk a bit of shit and get paid for it. and somehow some people care about the shit you talk to, which is awesome too, you know, it's like, yeah, thanks man. Bizarre. Don't expose that our jobs don't actually mean anything. I don't know

why my shit talk is like worth listening to, but I really appreciate it, you know, I love it. I'm so happy to be here. I also, when you come, I don't know if this is a spoiler alert, but one of my favourite covers you've ever done was Shania Twain, You're Still The One. Are you going to perform that live?

Yeah, we always do. Every time we everywhere we go, we play that because I dedicated it to my beautiful mother when we first did it. It changed my life so much. So, especially when I'm gone and I'm on the road, I always give a shout-out to my mama and say,

hey, mama, I love you. I'm thinking about you. Can't wait to see you. You know, I just still sing it to her every day, no matter where I am. What a good boy. He's a good boy. Yeah, man, a mama's boy for sure.

My mama's boy for sure. I really like when, you know, big, gruff, handsome, bearded men are still mama's boys. Like, as by myself, as a mama's boy myself. I got a tattooed right here. It literally says mama's boy right here. Oh, my God. I haven't got that. My mom would be angry if I did that.

She'd say, what did you do that for? You silly, silly boy. What other are your on-the-road traditions? Like, you know, shout out your mum and showing your appreciation for her. What else do you get up to on the road? Because with it constantly changing, I assume you want some consistency through it.

Yeah, I probably like gallons of tequila and then I'll be fine. Oh, we've got some good tequila for you to try. A local tequila that we absolutely love. Which sounds weird that New Zealand has a tequila. Yeah, we do. We've got a local tequila. When you're here, we're going to hook you up with some

local tequila because it's the good stuff. Bring them on. Bring them on. We'll take as much as we can get. I will say it makes me and Vaughan's wife both a bit silly. She's banned. She's been banned on it. She's currently under a tequila ban. What is your preferred tequila?

Well, you know, I don't really. I like a Costes, some Casamigos, you know, stuff like that. I like booze, though. I just like that. You're in good company. Hey, also while you're here, Teddy, because fashion is my passion, your fashion sense is so amazing. You're going to have to hit up the op shops in New Zealand.

We've got the goods. Yeah, yeah. I mean, last time, my good old buddy Richie at Huffer, I got to go over there too and that was really cool.

Oh, yeah, nice. Yeah. Last time I played out there, I had a big old Huffer get up on, you know, Stolen Girlfriends Club over there too.

They gave me a bunch of stuff too. Those guys are sick too. Maybe we'll get them in some moochie. How has life changed for you? Like what are some of the most surreal moments you've had in the last like year or so? It's quite nuts now that you can kind of afford things. You get things for free, you know. Yeah.

It's part of the gag, right? I think a couple weeks ago, I got to meet Will Smith for the first time, which was really the most incredible thing. I got to go over to his house and hang out. And me and Will Smith have the same birthday, too. Will Smith is like my

hero, like my all-time, all-time hero. I just love him. Over the weekend, I got a chance to, I got a tattoo of Dave Chappelle on my inner thigh right here I got to meet him and go to his Grammy party and he's doing this live open jam thing

and it was really cool it's great when your heroes are exactly who you want them to be and they're not awful people I love it when they're like exactly who you thought. Hanging out with Will Smith was the coolest. When we were there, he was like, hey man, I told him about my mom

and he's like, hey, FaceTime your mom and she didn't answer and he's like, well look, tomorrow morning, man, I'm free if your mom wants to FaceTime. He texts me at like 9 a.m. the next day and was like, hey, I'm here. I'm free until like noon if your mom wants to. He's really that kind of guy. you know, and it's so great when you meet your like heroes that they're just

truly the most beautiful people. Surely you need to do a collab, Teddy Swims and Fresh Prince. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's coming. It's coming. Yes. That would be amazing. Is there anyone else that you would like, is there like a dream collab for you

other than Will Smith? Hey, I would love at one point to work with Stevie Wonder or not. Oh, yeah. Paul McCartney. I would just, I just, I want to, I want to, I want to at least just like pick at their brains, you know. That'd be amazing. Those are two massive musical brains.

I love it all, pick at. With some advice and some love. Well, we're so excited to see you in New Zealand, Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch. If you would like to win a double pass to see Teddy Swims, just text TEDDY and your city to 9696 and you'll be able to win a double pass to each of those cities.

Teddy Swims, thank you so much. Can't wait, man. So we'll see you for some shots of tequila and some op shopping. Shots and ops. Oh, you know it, baby. We sip. You know it, baby.

We sip. Wait, are you sure you sip? You straight up is a tequila sipper. Yeah, I mean, I'm a shooter and a sipper. I ain't a shooter and a sipper. You heard him. He just wants booze. It's all going to the same spot.

It's the delivery system. It's the delivery system. Teddy Twim, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Now, last week I shared

my cup nundrum, the nundrum being that I knocked over a cup and then I'm gonna... Now I've got a... It wasn't matching. Now your set wasn't matching.

Yeah, my, what do you call them? Carafe set. Anyway. Real first word problem. Well, I know people really related with it when their carafe doesn't have its matching cup. But now I've got another conundrum because we were down in Christchurch last week

to see Matchbox 20. And then on the Friday, we were down in Christchurch last week to see Matchbox 20. And then on the Friday we broadcasted from Christchurch, a lot of fun. Then we went to the airport. Then I got on a different flight to Ufletch and our friend Mike, I hopped on my plane alone, absolutely covered in hangover dust and ready for a good sleep. And so I got down in my seat in the middle,

wedged between strangers, and I pulled out my AirPod case and one headphone is missing. I've got one, you know, just like one. And it still works, but it's lopsided. And now I'm like, I've contacted the hotel. Not there. Not there.

Contacted in New Zealand. If you were a hotel cleaner, would you just suck it up the vacuum cleaner? You would, eh? I wouldn't care. Yeah, well, what use is it? It doesn't have its charging case and it doesn't have its friend. I'd just be like. But what do I do now?

Do I just live a life slightly off balance? Because they're not cheapies. Could you get like an earplug for the one the missing headphone and then that way it's clogged and then you've just got music on the left. I've seen the ads for Triton hearing that you can get hearing aids quite cheap now. You pay them

off as you go. Right, okay. And they connect to Bluetooth devices. So I could get Here's your answer. New Just go straight to Head part Hearing aids Yeah just go straight To hearing aids I don't think it needs

To be that traumatic Also this is why You don't get Individual earbuds It's why headphones Should always be Joint with a band That goes over your head

No that Hasn't been a thing For like 10 years Also at the gym You get sweaty With your over ears Yeah that's alright No you need in ears

No I don't understand How people work out At the gym I never did sweaty with your over-ears. Yeah, that's all right. No, you need in-ears. I don't understand how people work out at the gym. I never did either, but I get it now. It's just better. Really expensive noise-cancelling headphones, like with those pads that are soaking up the sweat. You can take them off and wash them every now and then. How often do you wash your headphones? Maybe, well, I haven't been going to the gym as much,

but maybe once every couple of weeks. Oh, okay, you actually do. You just hang out with your hand, wash them, because they're sensitive, couple of weeks. Oh, okay. You actually do? Really? You just hang out, you hand wash them because they're sensitive, they're gentle. Yeah, right. Gotta be gentle.

Yuck, though. And then put the actual thing in the hot water cupboard so it dries out. No, I know somebody that left one on a plane and they could buy one. A single one.

And you connect it to it. And you connect it to it. So if it's Apple, this was an Apple Air Bud, but you've got Beats. Beats Fit Pro. Yeah, that's Apple now as well. So if it's Apple, this was an Apple Air Bud, but you've got Beats. Beats Fit Pro. Yeah, that's Apple now as well. So you just buy a replacement

and then you tell them your serial number, they match it so that it will... But then how long have you had them for? Under two years. See, you're getting to the point where the new Air Bud will be... More advanced. Like better battery.

Yeah, I know. And then the other one will crap out and then by the time you replace that. You're constantly buying them one at a time. Yeah. Because looking online, I see the price of them is almost the same as my excess to claim insurance on it.

But then it's so wasteful. Then I've got this little case in one earpod that is so useless to me now. Or do I keep that as a backup? How much is one though? I don't know. I don't think you can. What part of the Apple ones

are trackable? Is it the case? The case. I know because I went on my tracking thing and it had the case and how much battery it's got on it and the one ear pod, how much battery. But the other one's just MIA. That's a fault. We might need to investigate looking into just getting

one. Okay, what are yours? A Beats what? A Beats Studio Buds? Beats Fit Pro. Man, this is boring. Yeah. No, but I just really want to see how much one costs. Yeah, nobody else does.

$89. This is a Hayley problem. $89. Oh, that's good. That's cheaper than insurance. I hope they do it in the pink because that's why I bought them, so they look cute. Because they were in pink.

Because they look really cute. Anyway, that's my nundrum for today. Join me next week. Do you know I put my hand in the gap between the seat back and the cushion. You shouldn't have supposed to do that. On the plane? No, at the airport where Hayley was sitting because she messaged me

and she said I can't find it. So I put my hand and was like in the couch there. I felt like there was some biscuit dust. I appreciate you doing that for me actually. Yeah, no, that's the kind of friend I am.

Have they not got a vac down there? Well, it's such a tight crevice between the cushions. Vacuum cleaners have that little nozzle but that skinny little nozzle. Yeah, no, I was really

getting in there and ran a good check. Oh, Christ, you need to suck up your couches a little bit harder, I think. There you go. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. This week's Fact of the Day theme is it is things named after the place that they became famous or were invented in. I love that. Okay. And today we're going to be touching on the tuxedo. Oh, okay. Oh.

The tuxedo was made famous by Edward VII. Right. He was the king of the United Kingdom. Yeah. And Britain dominions of the United Kingdom. Yeah. And Britain dominions in the empire of bloody everywhere. The empire of bloody everywhere. The heyday. He was in charge when all the good bloody colonising was going on around the world.

He wore a tuxedo when he was the Prince of Wales. Right. And it became famous because the guy, the American who introduced him to this, wore it to Tuxedo Park in New York. The state of New York, there is Tuxedo Park, which had a very well-to-do club. Oh, yeah.

The Tuxedo Club and Tuxedo Park. And tuxedo is actually a Native American word. Meaning crooked river. It is the place, Tuxedo Park, and there is a crooked river that goes around it. Tuxedo is spout T-U-C-S-E-D-O in

some of the traditional spelling, but of course it's the X, tuxedo. It's easy to spell, less letters. You're paying per letter when you're getting a sign painted back in the day. Oh, yeah, keep it tight. You're paying per letter. So if you can get rid of a C and an S and make it just an X,

you're going to save yourself some money there. So the town of Tuxedo, Tuxedo Park, and that's where the guy wore the kind of... Nice suit. Tight suit with the white shirt and the black bow tie and the cut of the jacket and where it became famous. And so I got named after the club where he went once and someone said, I simply must get you Taylor's details. Yeah.

And they're all going to get me one of those jackets too. What do you call them? And it didn't really have a name. He's just like, it's just a new type of jacket. It's a new cut. But everybody at this club was wearing them. It became known as the Tuxedo Park jacket. What?

I just had no idea. And then became known as Tuxedo. Amazing. They've always got a nice lapel, a tuxedo. Yeah. That's the difference between a black suit and a... You've got to remember to cut the strings too on the new ones. On all suits.

On all suits, yeah, yeah. And sometimes the pockets are sewn shut. Yeah. I'll get in there. No, but sometimes there's not meant to be a pocket there. Yeah, I know, but then you've got a hole in your jacket.

Because you didn't check first, but you're just like, I really want a pocket. Yeah, I really want a pocket. Really want a pocket. So today's fact of the day in the first four named after where it was invented.

Week is that the tuxedo that you might wear to a wedding or a formal event is named after Tuxedo Park in the state of New York. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Oh, it's thus juicy. Now, we love a juicy phone. What did we have last week?

Oh, my God. It got really juicy. So I want to do another juicy phone. Because I read an article about a woman who very sadly lost her husband, right? Husband dies. Awful. Couldn't think of anything worse until she finds out that he was cheating. He went on her computer and found all these messages.

She went on his computer? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, after he's died. Right. And had seen a huge amount of chats with lots of other girlfriends that he was sh-a-shagging

on the side. What did he die of? Side note, I'd just be interested to know what he died of. I don't know, it's not really integral to the story. It's not really relevant to the story. Yeah. Chest pain, collapsed knee, died. Could happen to anyone

at any moment. But discovering that, how do you feel? Because you're so sad. You're like, you obviously miss them. At the time when they died, you didn't know he was doing this. And you had an idea of them that was different. Totally. And now you can't even confront them.

They did. Yeah. You're not getting any answers. Why did you cheat on me? Why did you cheat on me? Sorry, can't come to the phone right now. I'm dead. I always like when people find something,

like, in someone's possessions. I know, I know. And they're like, excuse me? Like, when your grandfather dies and you're like, wait, he had, like, seven other children? What? What? What?

And then you're like, anyway, that's what I want to know. Why did Granite have a Nazi uniform? What the hell? That fit him and even had his name. Yeah, oh, my God. And it looks freshly worn. And it has the German equivalent rank of Colonel. Oh my God.

What? Pop? This is what we want to know. What? Papa, no. What did you find out after they died? Maybe you made a... That's juicy.

Maybe a discovery, a cheating scandal, a Nazi uniform, a whole second family. Something juicy that you found out after they died. Nice, that's juicy. Okay, read out that text. Okay, my papa passed away last year and we were cleaning out his drawers and inside was a USB Velcro to the inside of the drawer. On the USB was intimate photos of nude men a lot younger than he was. And I found

out he had an affair with a man while my nana was with my nana while my mum was a kid. The neighbour was in his early 20s and Papa in his 40s. Papa! So he stayed married the whole time.

Stayed married the whole time while he was enjoying some young men. How many dudes would have lived like that? Yeah, so many. Even some now. And still. Yeah. Even some now.

I tell you what, Papa, that's juicy. Papa, you're the one who's passed away. Papa is welcome to join the gaggle. Papa can join the gaggle. I also love, I mean, it's sad that he couldn't be as authentic South, but I love that he was getting some. You know what I mean? I like that he was. be as authentic South but I love that he was getting some. You know what I mean? Like I like that he was.

I'm impressed that Papa had a USB stick. Yeah. My Papa would not have ever known what a USB was. He never went near a computer to trust them.

Well he certainly didn't know how to put a password on that USB stick, did he? Oh my God. Poor Papastusi. Keep your texts

coming in 9696. We'll get to more of your texts and calls next. Some wild stories coming through. What you discovered after more of your texts and calls next. Some wild stories coming through. What you discovered after they died. Well, a woman discovered that her late husband was cheating on her.

After he died, went through his computer. I mean, you know, that's never going to happen to us because we've got a deal, don't we? Yeah, we're deleting all your history. Oh, I'm thinking more Vaughan. Okay. Some things on there. Clean my computer. Yeah.

Spotless. Incognito. Mode. Always incognito. Maria has called up. Maria, what did you find out after somebody died? So when my mum passed away, we found a stack of kind of letters that were written from

my grandfather to my grandmother during the war. And we were quite interested and we were kind of reading through them. And in the letters, it kind of seemed like my grandfather was very passively, aggressively accusing my grandmother of having an affair when she fell pregnant with my mom. So we only had his side of the letters. We didn't have hers. And so when he was kind of saying, he would say things like, oh, I'm very surprised that the baby's due at this time, seeing as I wasn't have hers. Right. And so he, when he was kind of saying he would say things like, oh, I'm very surprised that the baby's due at this

time, seeing as I wasn't on leave. Oh my God, so your mum's now thinking that might not be my dad? Well, no, she didn't because she passed away and so she would never have known this. We don't think that she ever read the letters. Wait, your mum?

Wait, have you guys done ancestry? So your grandad might not be your biological grandfather? Yes. Have you done the DNA tests? No. Well, see, because both my maternal... Like, both my grandparents have passed, and my mum has passed.

Yeah, like, how would you... But if other people... Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, see, all of her siblings have passed as well. So she was the last one. And so that's how she ended up with the letters, because they were kind of handed down to family members. And because she was the last one, she got the letters last.

That's juicy. We don't think that she ever read them. But my grandfather, when my mum was growing up, my grandfather was horrible to her. Because he didn't think that she was hers. Oh, my God. Yeah. Now, kind of in hindsight,

we think that he knew that he wasn't her father and was kind of mean to her because of that. So, Maria, you're absorbing all this knowing that your mum can't know as well.'re absorbing all this knowing that your mum can't know as well. Like, is that intense knowing that your mum passed away not knowing this? Well, it is a little,

but I think that she was probably better off not knowing. Totally. I'd still do a DNA because you've got cousins or something on there. If other people have done it. I'd be so a DNA because... It could pop up. You've got cousins or something on there. Yeah. If other people have done it. Oh, my goodness.

I'd be so fascinated to find out. Yes, Maria, if you do do a DNA test, please let us know. We want to know. Updates, updates. Maria, thank you. Some messages in. Juicy. Someone said, oh, yeah, you should tell her to do a DNA test because I found out my papa was actually my nana's neighbour.

So my last name's a lie. Ancestry.com's DNA confirmed it. Oh, so your last name, yeah, isn't actually your bloodline. Yeah, if the name comes from the male bloodline and the male's not actually... That is wild. Wow. Hello.

So many people finding out about half siblings at the funeral or in the process of organising the funeral. Really? Yeah. People just like turning up? Yeah. Somebody said that it was at a funeral. My older brother took me aside and said,

you're about to meet a half sibling that I met about 30 minutes ago. None of us knew we had them. Oh. One of Dad's endeavours. Makauru had a whole other family. Seven kids and a wife that no one knew about. Seven kids? You've got to be careful because...

Can we have bread this week, Dad? Not this week. It's the other family's week for bread. Who's... Buy some Connie's for crying out loud. Oh, Lord. Someone did find Connie's in Little Blue Pills in their granddad's little kit when he died. Really?

Good for granddad. Good for granddad. I found out I was adopted last year. I'm 30. When my birth mother died, a new lawyer contacted me. I was like, I don't know the right person. Did they get money? But that's so bizarre.

We don't hide adoptions anymore. Yeah. It's all pretty open. Oh my God, that's crazy. My dad's older brother went to their mum's funeral, who'd walked out on their dad when they were little. They found out that their mum had three more children after she'd left. They had all these half-siblings they didn't even know about.

That's too sad. Listen to this. Tidying up my nana's things after she passed away. Found a collection. Yes, not just one, of small glass bongs. Turns out Nana was very much a pot smoker.

Wow. Wow, Nanny. Probably helped with the arthritis pain to be honest. absolutely not, but from a bong,

Nana? Yeah. That's juicy. Guys, there's so many juicy ones. We're darting around some of the... Yeah.

Nana would have had the best stove for spots off the stove, I reckon, because back in the day... She would have that bone-hand for spots off the stove, I reckon. Because back in the day... She would have had that bone-handled china and the coiled heat rings. Oh, yeah. She'd put a lovely old vintage bottle with the arse knocked out of it, too.

See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Susie Kato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review

her five stars if she does the same for this podcast and then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening maybe give it five stars as well.