ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 4th March, 2025

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

A new male fashion accessory Hayley's advice for feeling alive - Gherkins Top 6 signs your mate robbed a clock store RIP Skype SLP - Toothpaste - pea or Slug? Dumb Questions you get asked at work? Endo chat Babes of the board Oscars recap Do you have a website Fact of the Day Brin's Air Bnb Shannon's Apology  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse, the biggest brands at the lowest prices. ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley.

Thanks, Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fch, Vaughan and Hayley, two minutes past six. Good morning. Have you seen the jackpot for Sacred Sound? Soundkeeper Brooke loves to damn mine down there. $33,333.33. Great if you're dividing it between three people. Yeah, this is true. Do you know what I mean?

This is an easy 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1. So your chance coming up at 7 o'clock. So actually a real ball like if you're splitting it between three people. It's a real pain. Listen out for the Activated just before the news at 7. All thanks to Super Liquor For today's Secret Sound Don't forget all the

Clothes as well That we've had The guesses You can go to The Instagram ZM Secret Sound I've got the top 6 Coming up

As I always do On the show You may have realised That happens every day Reliable Reliable smithy Old Old

Reliable smithy And there's been There's been a theft thorn. Oh, no. A clock shop's been robbed. Interesting. It feels like one of those sayings you say to warm up your mouth. A clock shop was robbed. A clock shop was robbed.

A clock shop got robbed. Isn't that sad? Well, I got the top six signs it was your mate that robbed the clock shop. The clop. The clock shop. The clop. Dangerous. Close. Yeah, you're going to have mate that robbed the clock shop. The clop. The clock shop. The clop. Dangerous. Close.

Yeah, you're going to have to be careful. Clock shop. Yeah. You're going to have to be careful with this one. Robbed the clock shop. You don't want a cock shop. You don't want a cock shop. Three minutes passes.

Oh, do you? You know, bloody six o'clock in the morning. What a way to start. Next. Death. Oh, no. Death. Something's dead.

Something's dying. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Just trying to think of the sound it made. And on the other end it was always Skype. Skype, ma'am. I remember when Skype was first introduced it was like pretty exciting. I've got the actual sound. 22 years ago.

That's how long Skype's been a thing. Oh, wow. You're wrong there, but that's okay. Yes. She's pitch perfect. Pitch perfect, yeah. There's got to be a dance remix, right? Can you please look on YouTube for the Skype?

Skype calling dance remix. There's got to be one. Imagine being at a festival or a club and then they drop that. So while Vaughn is searching for that, we will break the news to you that it's Microsoft that now owns Skype. Or have they always owned Skype? Or did they buy them? I don't know.

But they are saying RIP. This claims to be a remix. I don't know when the bass... Do you think it'll drop when the phone answers? Oh, this is exactly what I wanted. It's only one minute 20. I think we need something a bit. Is there another one?

I'm not getting enough builder. Here we go, it's building. It's building. It's building. It's building. It's building. It's building. It's building.

It's building. It's building. It's building. It's building. Yeah. Guys. Man, is this this? Guys.

I think we've found our late summer jam. Could this be a New Zealand number one song? Drop it. Oh my God, yes! Wow, that slams. Oh, my God, I love this so much.

Oh, my God, add to playlist. I might make this my new ringtone and replace White Lotus. It'd take too long. You'd never answer your phone because you'd be waiting for it to get to the good bit. Maybe I'll start from when the beat drops yeah meanwhile I'm in a ditch

please please answer your phone oh my god well so it's got Skype Skype after 22 years has been shut down in favour of

what this article describes as the dreaded Microsoft Teams oh I hate Microsoft Teams video calling in it and they're kind of like, we're offering this product now. Can you start it again? It's like a packaged product.

Yeah. Start it again. We need to talk over the build up. Oh, there's another? We could try another one. Oh, and I really like that one. Oh, that one just hit me right where I wanted it. Yeah, it was really good.

So, no, so we've just got to go to Teams and FaceTime. Teams. Teams is very corporate. FaceTime or Zoom? I Zoom with my, no, I FaceTime most people or even Facebook. Messenger call. Messenger call. But do you find a lot of people still say, I'll Skype you?

Yes, all the time. And then no one's Skyping. Should we Skype? Should we Skype? Genericisation. Yeah, was where a brand name becomes synonymous with the activity. Yeah, when we're like wrestling. Glad rap.

Is the beat going to drop? I think it's the same one. Okay. It's just a re-upload. It's good stuff. That's beautiful, man. It's beautiful. Well, R.I.P.

Oh, yeah. We saw it on We To Be Celebrating. I would have wanted it this way. It had its moment. I've got another Skype sound song remix. Okay. This one's had 10 million. Oh, okay.

Well, this could be good. I want a bigger drop. I want to be like in a dirty club. I hate it. I hate it so much. Why did you do that for? I hate it so much. So this is incorporating all the different Skype sounds.

No, no, no. Go back. Go back to where it was really good in the last one It's 1am in Berlin, do you know what I mean? Yeah, the bouncer Is one of those bouncers who's like You don't know if you're going to get let in or not Yeah, yeah, you're at the door like, guys, guys

I'm all dressed in black It sounds a bit more loungy No, Vaughn, go back to the Guys, I'm a DJ, I'm not going to play the same song over and over Just because you want to hear Katy Perry. DJ. No, I will not play Raw. DJ, play Raw.

I'm a DJ. Okay, I'll play it one more time. Here's Raw by Skyfall Remix. Oh, my God. Share the link, babes. This is going straight on the gym playlist. Yeah, I go. Two guys in it.

This was released in 2014. Really? Wow, okay. Slow burner. How many views is that? I think I have to click through the actual thing. It's had 2.7 million views over the years. Yeah, let's get that to 10 today by the end of the day.

It's short and sweet. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. You know sometimes you can just be like rattling through life and you sometimes feel like you just might need a slap in the face or just like a wah! And you go, oh my god i'm alive and i'm so grateful to be here oh okay you know what i mean like just kind of slap you out of a bit of a slumber well especially on what was this yesterday monday you feel a bit like that

back to work and a bit more yeah but i just mean in a bigger sense you know like what am i doing with my life oh okay well like where am i going what's important to me? Am I really present in my body in the world? Did you have a near-death moment? Yeah, kind of. Pretty close. Like when Vaughn nearly got hit by the bus? Remember that? Yes, okay, so let's think about that.

Lust for life, didn't it? For like four days. Yeah. And I was just like, man, life sucks. But do you remember how alive we felt after that moment? Yes. When we were all like, woo! Woo!

We nearly lost him. We nearly lost him. Well, I had that exact same feeling yesterday when I was in the supermarket. Okay. I was like, I hadn't had a great night's sleep the night before. I was. I was in a slumber. I was just kind of like rolling through life.

Just almost losing a day. Not living the best self. Oh, no. Then I was at the checkout, right? And I was like, boop, boop losing a day, not living the best self. Oh, no. Then I was at the checkout, right? And I was like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Not self-checkout, so I wasn't booping. The woman was booping, and there was a woman packing my bags.

You were buying enough stuff to go to the actual big checkout. My dude, I did a shop. Oh, wow, okay. And it was my privilege to do so. Yeah. So she's booping, and the other girl's packing. I go to take a jar, a big, large, fresh jar of gherkins out of my trolley like this.

And I move it and it slips from my fingers like hoof. And then I quickly move my arm down and I catch it like this. And it was that same sense of feeling that I was alive suddenly. We were just, me and the two girls were like, whoa, did you see that? And they were just, they were shocked into silence. I think it was the highlight of their day. Wow.

And we all, what we saw in our mind was the gherkin jar hitting one of those, you know, thick jerkin gar. A jerkin gar? A jerkin gar. I haven't jerked a gar for a long, many months. It's been a few years between jerk and gar. Were you buying the sweet and sour gherkins? I just buy the Delman.

Do you buy them pre-sliced or whole pickle? Whole pickle. Oh, controversial. Introversial. Yeah, whole pickle. Introversial. Introversial. Jesus, we all like introversial.

Carbon monoxide poisoning in here. I think there's a leak in the studio. I think there's a leak in the studio. I think there's a leak in the studio. It was invigorating. And it really shocked me back into realising, wow, this is a short life and we only get to live it once. And we've got a carpe diem. Because you could have dropped a jar of pickles.

It was like that. And we were like. And I think it was a real shared moment, a shared human experience of what could have been but what wasn't. I really recommend it. If you kind of have noticed, it's March, by the way. I know. If you've just noticed that it's March and you're like,

man, I've just been like on autopilot, I encourage you to nearly drop a jar of gherkins. It is crazy that it's March. Yeah. It's wild that it's March. But now I'm in the present. Do you know what I mean? I wasn't. I was like in holiday mode, just kicking back,

being like, I'll start soon. You should have asked the supermarket for the security footage. Boom. If I got that footage, it'd be a viral sensation and I'd quit my job and I would live off the royalties. When that happens, like when you drop something or knock something and you spin around

and quickly grab it, like it's pretty cool. What's triggering that and why can't that be active all the time? It's adrenaline. Yeah, you're right. It's a sharp hit of adrenaline. Because if I had that sort of reaction time while playing sports,

I'd be significantly better at sports. I'd be at Wimbledon. And richer. You'd be at Wimbledon. I'd be at the Wimbledon. You'd be at Wimbledon. I would get the Wimbledon crown if I could be like, got that, you can get that past me. And then we could play doubles at Wimbpleton. I'd be at the Wimpleton. You'd be at Wimpleton. I would get the Wimpleton crown. Yeah.

If I could be like, got that. Yeah. You can get that past me. Boom, got it. And then we could play doubles at Wimpleton. We could play triples at Wimpleton. We could play triples? I'd love to play triples.

You'd be in the centre line, Fletch. Yeah. Me and Vaughn flanking on the edge. Yeah. I don't think they do triples at Wimpleton. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. It's about time they did.

It's about bloody time. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From the notes app on Vaughan's phone, this is the top six. Top six signs your mate robbed a clock shop. Clock shop. A clock museum. Whangarei's Clapham Clock Museum was robbed. Watches were mostly stolen.

They must have been worth a bit of money. We were talking this morning about all the watches that the male celebs are wearing to the Oscars. Yeah. Man, some of those are worth nearly a million dollars. The guy off Succession who played Kendall Roy. Yes, Jeremy Strong. Jeremy Strong. Jeremy Strong.

He was wearing one just shy of a million dollars. Which would be a lot of the jewellery and watches are loaned, right? It's loaned, yeah. Oh, yeah, totally. Because do you remember, was it? It was, who was the actress? Was it Lady Gaga that was wearing one that was like worth five million dollars and then it slipped off her neck and she was like.

I just wouldn't want to know. They found it. I just heard my Apple Watch. You get your steps up, close your rings. Exactly. What, am I going to miss out on all these steps? I'm literally walking a red carpet. Yeah, that's free steps, baby.

I'm going to track that as hike. Are you going to turn it on to exercise? Do you know, like, your luck would be, though, you're up getting an award and you get, like, a friend message on Messenger and it, like, previews it and the camera picks it up and it's something bad and it's like, ew, you suck. You look so good. Actually, I've got a funny story about that. Write that down for a podcast.

Okay, alright. WhatsApp group. Okay. Write that down for a little bit of pod in the future. Wow. Well, the Whangarei, we're working. Always working. Always on. Always on. Content on. Always on. Content creating. Content creating.

Whangarei's Clapham's Clock Museum has been burgled. Jesus. Is there a leak in here? We're all really struggling with this. No, I just think you're... Top six signs your mate robbed a clock shop. Number six, always on time. He's always on time. That's good.

He's always on time. Always. Number five on the list of the top six signs your mate robbed a clock shop. They love spreading gossip, but it's unreliable because it's secondhand information. And when they're hungry after dinner, they always go up. They go back four seconds. Four seconds. Yeah.

Okay. Time frame. Okay. Four seconds. Yeah, yeah. No. Number four on the list of the top six signs your mate robbed a clock shop. He's trying to hide the evidence by eating all the clocks,

but it's very time-consuming. I get it. That was good. I get it. That was good. I like that one. It's very time-consuming. Yeah, yeah.

Consuming. Because he's eating them. Number three on the list of the top six signs your mate robbed a clock shop. His pit bull wears a timepiece now. You know why? Because it's a watchdog. The weakest one yet. Are you serious?

The dog is wearing a watch. Not as good as time consuming. And it has made it a watchdog. Not as good as time consuming. Number two on the list of the top six signs your mate's robbed a clock shop. With all the guilt of his crimes, he's starting to go a little cuckoo.

Yeah, great. Great, good. Cuckoo. And number one on the list of the top six signs your mate robbed a clock shop. Anytime anyone mentions a TikTok video they saw,

he gets really excited when you say TikTok, but then when you say video, he's like, oh. Yeah. Tell me more about the TikTok part. That's my favourite sound. Because it's what clocks make, and I run the clock shop.

That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Cheating. It's a juicy but touchy topic that uh i'm sure many many many of us have had some kind of encounter with probably what are you hiding you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals as once was famously said by the famous poets um bloodhound gang let's do it like they do on the discovery channel yeah and then now we're like, you and me, baby, ain't nothing but humans.

Let's do it just exclusively with each other and get lots of debt together and then just go like, well, here we are. Yeah. And then have secret little affairs on the side with other mammals and then come back and then it's like the marriage blows up and, you know. But those lyrics didn't quite flow. No. So I get why they went with their song.

Yeah. But a fierce happened. And a group of therapists, a collective, a therapy collective. A gaggle, you'd call them. A gaggle. A gaggle of therapists. I was wondering what the collective noun of therapists was called. Yeah, it's gaggle.

Yeah, a gaggle of therapists. Or therapi. A gaggle of therapi? Sure. It's a gaggle of geese, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, a gaggle of therapy? Sure. It's a gaggle of geese, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, a gaggle of therapy. Nah, I don't like that word.

I don't like that word. A consortium? Get off LinkedIn. A consortium. A consortium of therapists. You're so LinkedIn. A consortium of counsellors have collated the common questions they are asked in couples therapy after an infidelity.

Okay. Okay. I have... Okay. By both the cheater and the cheaty? Yeah, kind of. It's, yeah. Yes, by both. By both.

Okay. Okay, so obviously a devastating thing has occurred. They get in there. Most common question is, do you think we could ever get over this? Will we recover, basically? Yeah. And what do they say?

The general vibe is that forgiveness is hard, but it is possible. They, you know, it's going to feel impossible for a while, but it is possible. But then they've got one in the books, right? So then they've got to cheat up their sleeve. It's not how it works.

This guy's a lot of therapy. No, but what it is, is that they're one point down, so they've got to cheat up their sleeve. If I was in this, what did we agree the collective noun was? A consortium of therapists. I would be of the belief that they've got to cheat up their sleeve. No.

And you can always throw it in their face in an argument. You're supposed to focus on adjusting to the new reality. What is done has been done. It can't be undone. It's a new reality that we're dealing with. Anger replaces grief often. So you've got to put the anger aside and make adjustments to the relationships.

And sometimes relationships thrive afterwards. Wow. As the person knows they've got to cheat up the slate. Okay, the second question that I get asked often is, why did they cheat? Like the person who's been cheated on has often got wanting to know why is it something that I've done is it that we're lacking in our relationship?

Often therapists say you know it's hard to get to the bottom of it but you have to focus on what the person has gained from the affair. So is it attention? Is it sexual gratification? Are they missing something that they're not getting from their partner?

Did they do it to get a pay rise? And in fact, they've gained more money and they've brought more money into the household. And you've got to cheat up your sleep. And you've got to cheat up your sleep. That's a win-win. Often affairs are triggered by an unmet need, like lack of communication,

or marriage or pregnancy can drive particularly men to cheat. Wow. God, that would annoy me so much. Why? Because I'm growing a human being. The pregnancy thing. Yeah.

Oh, I thought you were asking why it would annoy me. No. Because I'm like on the couch with my body. Yeah, but when you have the baby, you've got to cheat at the sleep. And you don't. Will I ever be able to trust them again? Trust is difficult to rebuild.

Serial cheaters may have deeper issues with self-worth and power, so that's something that they need to address on their own. Yeah. Okay, if they cheat multiple times, you get multiple cheats up the sleeve? No, if it was a one-off, you will be able to learn to trust them again because you've got that cheat up your sleeve. If it's many. If it's many.

Yeah. How big is your sleeve? Yeah, yeah. These are long-fashioned sleeves. How big is your sleeve? Yeah, yeah. These are long-fashioned sleeves. You might need a backpack to carry that around. And the last most common question is, how much do I tell my partner about the actual event? Like how amazing it was.

Yeah, yeah. And be like, I screamed the house down. Yeah, they did this thing, and I think you should really do this thing. Oh, my God. Can you this thing. Oh my God. Can you imagine? Oh my God. Imagine cheating on your partner and being like,

I'm so sorry, we went to therapy, we've rebuilt, and then we're like, hey. But you do need to give them details because they need to know what kind of cheat they've got up at their sleeve. It's born, it's not out. Have I got a kiss cheat up my sleeve? Was it a smoochie? Was it a lying down smoochie?

Was it a dry hump? Did genitals come out? Okay, listen to therapists. Chuck it up the old sleeve. You need that information. Listen to therapists and not Vaughan Smith. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly Little Pole today is about when you're brushing your teeth, are you using a pea of toothpaste or are you using a big fat slug that takes up the whole brush?

Using too much toothpaste is unnecessary and can damage gums and health. Oh, piss off. I've done a Google. She's done a Google. For adults, a pea-sized amount. For children, half a pea-sized amount. Half a pea? It's too much. You do use too much. I'm cranking toothpaste. Too much fluoride, too much abrasiveness.

Too much fluoride, alright. Tin foil hat. I don't have fluoride in my water. Oh, so you're adding more. I'm adding it. Yeah. So little poll. How much toothpaste do you use?

The P just wins. It was really close, wasn't it? It was so close. When I voted, it was 51-49. 53% of people said P. 47% say slug. Sarah writes, a constant argument in our house. I'm the recommended P. My husband, on the other hand, a giant slug. Sarah writes, a constant argument in our house, I'm the recommended

P. My husband on the other hand, a giant slug. Yeah, Aaron slugs. Whereas when you see an ad for toothpaste, they love the whole thing. They slug it with a flick. They flick it up at the end and it flicks down at the front. How do they do it? Basically, hail sized

said Sam. Hail sized? Well, hail varies. It varies greatly. Golf ball hail, obviously. Golf ball hail. The only hail. I'm so obsessed with your golf ball hail. Matt says, the slug of toothpaste is a marketing ploy. Looks good in the ad, but really unnecessary. It makes you run out of toothpaste three

times faster. Yeah, see, I agree. And I've got to use expensive toothpaste. Why? Sensodyne. Sensodyne. I'm. And I've got to use expensive toothpaste. Why? Sensi. Sensitiv. Yeah. I'm a sensitive boy. I love that stuff. Yeah, it's good stuff. Do you remember that toothpaste? You what? Huh? Of Sensidine. Do you remember that

toothpaste Smokers? Yes! And it didn't taste like Smokers lollies? Yeah, it was weird. It was like a, yeah, kind of an anesthetic-y odd taste. And it was aimed, directed at Smoker's for Smoker's breath and taste. What about Sterodent? Sterodent.

Isn't that what you pop your false teeth in? Yeah, that's if you've got false teeth. I use Sterodent for my retainer. Like an old nanny. You've got a full false teeth? Full false teeth. Interesting. Chloe said, how the F do you slug on an electric toothbrush?

These things are made for a pee. Oh, yeah, they are. True that. Yeah. A pee. Come on, says Jason. Don't be so tight. Splash out.

Live up. Live a little. Mel, not even a pee. Maybe half a pee. Foaming out the mouth's unnecessary. What are you, rubber dogs? Mel, how do I know I'm brushing my teeth if it's not, like, foaming out of my mouth? I love when you're brushing your teeth and it foams out your mouth.

Because of living crime means no slugs around here anymore, said Sigourney. Weaver. Weaver, thank you for listening to the show. She's obsessed with us. Yeah. Love you in the gorge on Apple TV. Yeah. Connor said way too much foam if more than a pee.

Why are people scared of a little mouth foam? It does foam up a lot. Because if you ever use a toothpaste that's natural, it doesn't foam. It's really weird. Yeah, it is weird. Kind of makes you, then you realise how foamy toothpaste is

and you're like, oh. I'd have to use three slugs. You wouldn't like it. Slug size and I brush before and after I floss. My teeth must feel clean, said Nikita. You're not supposed to brush before you floss. You floss before you brush. Yeah, that's the way to do it.

That's the little poll. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. A veterinarian online has put up a post saying, playing we listen and we don't judge every day as a veterinarian, which I imagine would be insane. People come in with the dumbest questions. Or when I bring in my fat cat and then they lecture me about

me too fat, me arthritis. He's so cute. He's so cute. He's so cute. And he's actually not fat. It's a lot of fluff and water retention. Yeah, me too. He had a lot of soy sauce the night before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sodium's floating around a lot of. They say because today we got the, what do you mean you didn't think these two dogs would have babies because they're brother and sister? What, that dogs have a concept of incest? About what would be right and what would be wrong

by human standards. So they hadn't neutered these... They had not neutered, they had not separated a male dog and a female dog and they thought because they're brother and sister, there would be no sexual attraction. Yeah. Okay. I love that.

But dogs don't think like us. No. Imagine the dogs be like, we shouldn't. It's wrong. I can't deny these feelings. You're my brother. Brother. Brother. brother. Brother. Brother.

Brother. Brother. And so step brother. What? So this vet. How does the vet not judge this? These stupid people. They would get this all the time.

There'd be so many. There'd be so many. Yeah. Things people assume animals have human values or the ability to question things. Or the dog ate the thing, but he shouldn't have eaten the thing. It's not edible. Dogs don't know.

Yeah. They just are like, yeah, that thing might, there's a 1% chance that thing's going to kill me. I'm going to eat it anyway. So we want to know this morning, in your job what is your, what are the dumb questions you've come across? Oh, you'd get, it doesn't matter

what job you had, there's always dumb people and dumb questions. Oh yeah, totally. My, the amount of times my dad got asked for interest-free loans from his friends because he had a finance company. It's just giving you money. That's not how it works. It doesn't work like that.

Did they seriously ask him for that? Oh, come on, Craigie. We'll go interest-free. Yeah. No, that's not how it works. He's a student lineman, not the government. He's going to put crayfish on the table and buy it. He's going to put cray on the table, breakfast, lunch, and tea.

And a cray each because that's how they eat. And pay for private school. Private school. Private school. Darling. The Lexus, darling. Well, I mean, our one would be

definitely with comedians how do you, like, or acting, how do you learn on the lines? But with this one, people are like, do you guys have a script? Do you think that's a dumb question?

The learning, the how do you learn your lines? No, no. I think more like in this job, how do you learn your lines and do you have a script? And I'm like, no. Oh, the radio. Yeah, no, there's no scripts. Turn the page.

I've lost what we're up to. Sorry, yeah. Can we take two? Can we go from the top again? No, we don't have a script at all. It's all off the cuff. And that was Sabrina Carpenter. Sorry, can we tighten up the cues? Can we tighten up the cues, please?

No, I thought we were starting again. A veterinarian has shared a wee listen and we don't judge. You're not even saying the same thing that you said the first time. Oh, Fletch, that was my line. Now you're saying my lines. I'm going off script. I thought we could do this one for us. Okay, well, 0800-DARZATM right now.

Text through 9696. What are the dumb questions that you always get every day at your job? Yeah. Like the vet. Whatever it is. We listen and we don't judge. We are talking about your dumb questions that you get asked or things you've had to explain to people in your line of work

after a vet said, I know and you know that the dog are brother and sister, but they don't. Yeah, and they have made a baby. That's why you have puppies. That's why you have puppies. So the dumb things that people say to you or the dumb questions people ask in your job, so many coming through.

I work in an industry that uses possum fur in an effort to incentivize eradicating possums. You'll be pleased to know I ran one over on the way to work today, lined it up, smashed it. Oh, good stuff. It was on the side of the road and it was like, whoa. And I was like, not today, bitch. They're piss, Shannon. They destroy the native.

I hate them. They destroy the native. Australians love them. They're always like, oh, possums, cute. No, because Australians, the numbers of possums over there are so low. They don't eat everything. Nah, they came here

and they've completely changed. So I get asked when we are selling these possum fur, how often a possum can be shaved? Is it like a sheep? Oh, it's the full skin. No, it's fully dead. That's how they get it. Carrie, good morning.

What's the dumb thing that people say to you in your job? Radio down, please. Turn your radio down, darling. Carrie, good morning. What's the dumb thing that people say to you in your job? Radio down, please. Turn your radio down, darling. Carrie, over. Oh, are we in the pocket? I think we're in the pocket. We've got a little butt dial. No, we were speaking to Carrie just before.

We'll pop Carrie on hold and read some text messages. I'm an athlete and diving. I do Olympic diving. Oh, no, what's happened? The phone's broken again, hasn't it? Like yesterday. Is that you, Carrie? Good morning.

There we go. Don't know not yet, Carwin. We're going to talk to Carrie. And then we're going to do a hard reboot, Carrie. Hard reboot, yeah. What do people say to you at airport security? So, you know, as everyone knows, we take liquids for a reason. And anything over 100 mils, we take.

And I was once told by a person that her bottle of red wine was not a liquid. Also, a bottle of wine, like, what, 750 mils? It's not a liquid? Yeah, the full bottle. No, no. I mean, when you drink it, it's not a liquid, right? No, it's a delicious potion. It's a magic potion. From a special juice. That's what you're telling yourself when you drink it, it's not a liquid, right? No, it's a delicious potion. It's a magic potion.

From a special juice. That's what you're telling yourself when you're counting your calories. This isn't a liquid. Was it like a fully sealed, nice bottle of wine? Fully sealed, full bottle. It's one of those things that you just look at the person and go, oh, really? Yeah.

As a person, I've done that. I bought booze on the wrong side of the security check. Idiot. You do that. You make that mistake once. Yeah. As a person, I've done that. I bought booze on the wrong side of the security check. Idiot. You make that mistake once. Do you put that aside for the Christmas party? Sorry, was that? Do you put that aside for the Christmas party? Unfortunately, no.

No, it all gets thrown away. Yeah. Do you also get that dumb question that Vaughan just asked a lot as well? Yes, all the time. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Yeah, do you also get that dumb question that Vaughan just asked a lot as well? Yes, all the time. Dumb, dumb, dumb. In my defense, Carrie, I don't like waste. Yeah, he's not a wasteful person.

I don't like waste. Okay, Carrie, thank you. Go ahead, Carlwyn, with a hard reset of the phone system before Secret Sound kicks in today. 2025. I don't know if Secret Sound's overloading the phone system. It's burning red hot. God. Is it literally?

Can you feel it? Yeah. It's by Hayley's League. We pick up the receiver. Ouch. We pick up the phone receiver. You just had a fatal error on the phone system.

Teachers are messaging in. Parents ask us to do a daily sweep of the toilets for cobwebs or spiders because my child doesn't like them. Are there any spiders? Sure. Any spiders in the classroom today?

Is a question I get asked. All the time in the world to do that. Could you imagine if you'd said that to your parents growing up in the 80s and 90s? Oh my God. I reckon my dad would have found a spider and tied it to me. Yes.

To teach me a lesson. I work in an adult selection store. Great wording, thank you. Great wording, thank you. This is a family-friendly show. Yeah. And I get asked all the time which ones I've tried and what are my favourites.

I would... That's fair, though. You work in the... As I do at a restaurant. What do you recommend? Yeah, what would you recommend? Always hear the specials. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Amy, you work at a hotel. Welcome back with the phone system reset. Hi. Hi. What are the dumb questions you get at a hotel? Yeah, so I work at a hotel in Baishalowa, and we used to get asked all the time if we could get rid of the smell. There's not really much I could do about that. It is weird that one of our hottest tourist hotspots stinks like eating poos.

Yeah, but that's why people go, right? It's a geothermal wonderland. But could you put some sort of candles around or a bit of Gladiafreshner maybe? A neutraliser? No, no, no. I used to move them to the back of the hotel so they would be further away from reception

and less likely to annoy us. That's actually a great call. That's a great idea. Yeah, that'll work. Maybe that's why I had to walk so far to my Rotorua hotel room. I was really in the far away wing, actually. Amy, thank you. Linda.

No, I think it's happened again. It's happened again. No, no. Okay. We'll need another reset. Go ahead, Vaughn. Linda can get stuffed. I'm an athlete in diving.

People always ask me if I ever see any sharks when I'm down there. And by the way, they're diving off a diving board. They're not diving as a... Although, in fairness, Red Bull cliff diving has taken off. And they go deep. And that's into the ocean. Yeah, but they said, no, I haven't seen any sharks at Westwave Aquatic Center. No. Not yet.

I work in road marking industry and I always get asked, do you judge everybody else's road markings? To which I say, yes. Oh yeah, I would. We got to play with the road marking machine ages ago, didn't we? We did the road marking in the Hamilton train station. That was fantastic.

The car parks, are they still visible? I don't know. Probably faded by now, but. That was a long time ago. Probably. Yeah. I always, I work at a cafe, get asked if the vegetarian stack comes with bacon.

I mean, you could add it. You can add it, but it doesn't come with it. No. Now, there was one I saw earlier, and I feel like it's going to tickle you, Vaughan. Vaughan, Vaughan, Va could add it. You can add it, but it doesn't come with it. No. Now, there was one I saw earlier, and I feel like it's going to tickle you, Vaughan. Vaughan, Vaughan, Vaughan Smith. He loves a bit of wood. Oh, the one about the six metre long,

200 by 50 solid pine clear, no knots? Yeah, no knots in it. He's like, have you ever seen a six metre tree with no branches on it? No, I can't find that. And at 200 mil? Yeah. Wild, wild. No, dude, there are branches. And at 200 mil? Yeah. Wild, wild.

There are branches. I drive for a fuel company and I deliver fuel to petrol stations. And they're big trucks. Yes. Without fail, every day when I'm doing it, at least one person will ask me, is that how that gets here? I thought there were pipes underground that connected all the fuel stations. Every day they get asked that.

Oh, God. Or teachers getting asked, you're working late when they work beyond 3pm. But it's true, though. Do you know when you get quite a lot of holidays? I mean, what? 3.15, we're out the door,

aren't we? We love our teachers. I'm a vet. And there's been more than one occasion where I've diagnosed nipples on a male dog. The male owner

will bring in their dog and say, what are these bumps? Those are nipples. And then, it can't be, he's a male dog. I said,

you lift up your shirt and tell me if you've got any. That's a good one. Oh, yeah. Okay. Because of course, male dogs do have nipples.

Yes. I'm nipple blind. All nipples are nipples to me. Really? You don't see... I'm a bit of a nipple snob. Are you? Right.

I know what I like and I like what I know. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. I need to go to Animates today. Sorry, you've literally just triggered. I need to write that down. Hayley, focus. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I've got a scrambled brain and that could be the result of the fact that I came off the oral contraceptive pill. Wow. She did it. She just did one. That was good. Wow. That was a brilliant radio segue. Connected something into something else.

She did it flawlessly. If it hadn't been for this immense pause. So we've recorded an amazing podcast special for you which you can actually go and listen to now but I'd finish listening to the radio show live because anything can happen. I could say anything right now. It would be crazy. But we've done that with Dr. Megan Ogilvie, who is an

endocrinologist, a hormone specialist. I met her a few years ago when I was making a documentary about polycystic ovarian syndrome. But the reason we wanted to chat to her is I read this article about the impact, the sort of untalked about, the not so talked about impact of coming off of the oral contraceptive pill or other hormonal birth control. Because I think a lot of people think that it means that now you can get pregnant and now your menstrual cycle may return to a natural one. But we don't talk about the other side of things. And I've talked about the fact that I came off the pill. I made the choice to do it just to see who I was as a person.

Yeah. After like 15 years on the pill. And for me, immensely positive experience. Yeah. Other than the fact that I have a beard and all of my laser hair removal has kind of reversed itself. Yeah. And it's really come back. It's flourishing. Yeah. Other than the fact that I have a beard and all of my laser hair removal has kind of reversed itself. And it's really come back, it's flourishing. Yeah. You know, it's a really. But it's great for that circus game. Hey, your pubes

have always known the trends. They've known the trends. My pubes were like, I hear the fluff is back. And so are we. Other than a few side effects like that, it's been, I've had a really great experience. So is it like, it's like going cold turkey from something? Yeah, but the something is your hormones,

which makes you who you are. Like it really is a huge part, particularly for women, a huge part of how you see the world, how you are in the world, your feelings, your emotions, everything. It's huge. Hormones are everything. And for some people, it hasn't been a great experience. I read this article about kind of a post-birth control syndrome

where their emotions are completely out of whack, their bodies, they're gaining weight, losing weight, everything, and having a really horrible time with it. So I thought rather than reading this article, which I do think I might have seen on Cosmopolitan. Okay, yeah. We should talk to Dr. Megan, this endocrinologist. And there's a whole podcast special

that you can listen to now. And you asked a very big question. Where is this male contraceptive pill? We've been talking about it and talking about it. And they did trials and the men were like, I got fat and sad and we were like, welcome to our life. Where is it? Do you know? My feeling is it's probably going to be

a wee way off. There have been studies, they're small numbers and they're studies that are a month or two months long. And if you think about the fact that it takes three months for sperm to develop within the testicle, we're going to need men to do something for three months before we can be sure it's safe.

Right. They didn't want to do it for that long. But I suspect if it does affect libido, it can cause weight gain. Yeah. Oh, no, that's three strikes you're out. The women listening Are just like Oh we've been on

These things for 20 years It's not available In the US yet And anything that's Available in the US Takes a few years To actually make it To New Zealand

I think we're Away from having A male contraceptive Come on Oh my god That's not the news We wanted to hear is it But go and check out

The whole podcast iHeartRadio Wherever you podcast It's great Play ZM wanted to hear, is it? But go and check out the whole podcast, iHeartRadio, wherever you podcast. It's great. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's faves at the board. Huge rap. Well, we have somehow ended up on a search

for the sexiest board game characters of all time. Yeah. People are passionate about this, by the way. Yeah, they are. A lot of people campaigning online. I'm still upset that Bill from Guess Who, original Bill with the rosy cheeks and the ginger goatee. Yeah.

Egghead Bill. Egghead Bill was voted out. I can't believe the mousetrap basket. Yeah, it's gone. First round? Are you kidding me? It's gone. Well, the latest rounds

stand such. Miss Scarlet was up against Maria from Guess Who. Original Maria from Guess Who. The only person we've established that wasn't a banger. Apart from Bill, you've got a real soft spot for Bill. I just think he bucks beauty trends. And I think that in itself is beauty.

I think he's got a beautiful spirit. Yeah, exactly. We've got a modern Miss Scarlet, though, versus the classic Maria. Maria's hot. They're both hot. Well, the people don't think so. What? Maria only got 15% of the votes. Miss Scarlet.

Romping home. Miss Scarlet, absolutely. Maria was a minger all along. They were all mingers. They were all mingers. Barrel of Monkeys, Monkey versus Monopoly Man. I think Monopoly Man won He did

Yep 79% of the vote I think our audience They can't open their mind To the idea of Being sexually attracted To a monkey But it's the energy

In those looks Yeah yeah yeah It's the energy You would chuck me in that barrel That's all I'm going to say We put up the two Cluedo boys against each other Professor Plum and Colonel Mustard

Now these are the new These are the new Char that have been, again, like Guess Who, very sexified. Sexed up. Professor Plum romps on. I'm feeling at this stage of the game it could be a Plum victory for Plum. Do you think it'll be Plum versus one of the Guess Who ladies? No, Guess Who ladies are out. Maria's gone. Oh, yeah, Maria's gone. It could be Scarlet versus one of the Guess Who ladies. No, Guess Who ladies are out. Maria's gone.

Oh, yeah, Maria's gone. It could be Scarlet versus Plum. Yeah, okay. And the black pickup stick versus Hungry Hippo. Hungry Hippo gets my vote. I was campaigning hard yesterday. You campaigned and you switched it. You really rushed this one.

Hungry Hippo winning 55 to 45 over the black pickup stick. Yes. Which means advancing to the next round, Professor Plum Scarlet, both representing Clue, or Cluedo, we call it, but Americans just call it Clue for some weird reason, the Monopoly Man and the Blue Hungry Hippo. Oh, come on.

I've got a feeling old Monopoly Moneybags, Mr. Moneybags could take it out. Because he's got that sugar daddy vibe. Yeah. He's got a big money bag. He's got a big money bag. With a suit. Dressed with an Iron Top hat. He's got a big money bag With a suit Dressed with an iron top hat

You know He's got a big round face Do you know what I mean I don't mean to I don't want a beauty shame But I don't know He really felt like You were beauty shaming

He could get some filler In his cheeks Our next round of voting Will be studying today Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley Just a quick update as well For babes of the board You can go and vote now for,

what would you call this? Semifinal. Yeah. It's the semifinal. So head to our Instagram and vote. Send us a comment. Voice your opinion. Tell us how passionate you are

because we've got our final pairings up on the gram right now. And don't forget as well, just by voting, you are in to win all thanks to Mighty Ape, an epic board game prize pack. So we've got 10 of

not every board game, because we didn't have all of them, but 10. 10 amazing board games as we search for the hottest board game character. And you can shop at Mighty Ape for incredible deals on a huge range of products. Buy it today. Get it today with Jungle Express

T's and C's apply I Jungle Express two new board games at my house I haven't even unopened them yet I've got to play them with you guys

which ones Dixit and and yeah so good it's like the game of the year

okay speaking of winning like game of the year movie of the year is another thing that gets awarded. Clunky. Clunky. Really clunky segue. Clunky.

Clunky segue. Listen to this. The Oscars yesterday in LA. I just ripped my shirt off at that note. Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande performed Defying Gravity. Oh, my God. Can we just hear the last note because it's the big one. Ariana's singing in the background.

She's amazing. She is amazing. And Ariana, they were both incredible. They performed Defying Gravity together. It was amazing. Flawless. But also, Cynthia sung another song from Wizard of the Oz earlier in the night

and Ariana Grande sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Oh my god, that was amazing. It was just incredible. But they didn't win. I saw that Somewhere Over the Rainbow because she had a screen on and there was a rainbow and someone said, this is what it looks like and sounds like arriving at gay heaven.

Ariana's here. Yes. She's wearing a red sparkly dress. There was a homage to the sparkly shoes from Wizard of Oz, right? Yeah. Is that right? So Cynthia didn't win for best actress.

No. Marky Madison did. Anora got five awards including best picture. Five out of six. Yeah. So they were nominated for six awards, won five of them. The Brutalist won three awards.

That looks like a beautiful movie, but really slow and probably long. It looks long. And that's what Adrian Brody, yeah, Adrian Brody won for Best Actor for The Brutalist. What did he do? And everyone was annoyed at him because he won, announced. Then he got up, and as he was taken to the stage, he realised that he had his chudder in his mouth. His chewing gum.

His chuddy. No one calls it chudder. It's chudder in our family. No, it's chuddy. It's chuddy. It's chuddy. Chuddy gum. Chewing gum chuddy.

Yeah, chudder. No, it's his chudder. He's got his chudder and he pulls out his chudder. She's wrong and she's doing that thing where she's claiming it's her family. No, no, no, definitely. And then if we really put our foot down, I bet she's like this is a racial attack and then we're having no ground to stand up.

And I've stopped it. And I've stopped it. 9696, have you ever called it Chudder? No one's going to message it. It's like, didn't we have this when my family calls it Spagbog? Yeah, it's Spag-bog. The G's not there

and the dot and the og. Yeah, and we call it the squirts, not the squirts. Anyway, he takes out his gum and he chucks it to his girlfriend

and everyone was like, that's disrespectful. But then also, he couldn't get up there chewing gum. That's also gross. And then during his speech, which was five minutes long,

the music started playing and he was like, stop it, and carried on. So people were just a little bit like, ugh. Everyone thought that Demi Moore maybe got a little bit shafted there with her substance. Have you watched that? Yeah, I have. And she is

outstanding in it. And I haven't seen Anora, so I don't know. But the fashion, we've got to talk about the fashion. The fashion was next level. Ariana and Cynthia were my favourite,

but they were just giving musical theatre nerds and I think that that's what I loved. But for the men, they stepped it up. I'm so sick of men going to these events

in these boring suits. Ladies, if you need a present for your man, if there's a birthday coming up, the new male fashion accessory Here it is

Is a brooch It's the brooch Which is spelled I don't want a brooch Brooch B-R-O-O-C-H That's Hayley's family That's just Hayley's family

We've always called it brooch Why don't we pronounce it brooches? Why don't we say brooches? Brooch It's spelt brooch It's probably like one of those old English things It was like that Brooch. It's probably like one of those old English things that it was like that. Breach.

Old English. Breach. But lots of men were wearing brooches and now apparently that's what men have to wear now is brooches. I don't want to wear a brooch. So Jeff Goldblum had a brooch. I mean, literally all the men were wearing brooches. I don't think I can pull off a brooch on a t-shirt.

Jeff Goldblum wears something. It doesn't mean any of the rest ofoch on a t-shirt. You could. Jeff Goldblum wears something. It doesn't mean any of the rest of us are going to be able to wear it. Jeff Goldblum's a... Mick Jagger had a brooch. Adrian Brody had a brooch. Robert Downey Jr. had a brooch. Kieran Culkin had a brooch. We're wearing brooches, bros.

I don't wear brooches. Brooch bros. What kind of brooches are they? We're like... Bejeweled, like really like diamond encrusted. Right. I mean, it's the Oscars. We're not just wearing like, you know, like a button like we're a punk.

Yeah. Okay. So I totally agree with you, Fletch. If there is a man in your life and you're like, what do I get him, another drill or some socks? I can't imagine a guy that has got enough drills is going to be stoked to be wearing a brooch. No, don't hold back

on the brooch. Bros, we're wearing brooches. Bros with brooches. Bros with brooches. It's the new hot trend. Now, we here at the show, we're cultivators of success. We're...

Are we? We love to see people doing well. Well, that's good. Yeah. And saying that, we are New Zealanders and if someone's getting a bit ahead of themselves, we are New Zealanders and... If someone's getting a bit ahead of themselves...

We might have to tall poppy them. Probably have to humble the entire situation. Bring them down to earth a little bit. Okay. And that's the immediate vibe I'm getting when I go to hayleysprowl.com. Dot com! Dot com! Oh, what are you, too good for a dot co.nz?

New Zealand! I'm global, baby. I won't be held back by this country's small population. I'm a dot com. I'm a hailey sproul dot co. Oh, God. Hailey Sproul. Okay, in all seriousness, this is pretty cool.

Thank you. We use cookies on our website. Oh, yeah, I had to accept all the cookies. I was like, who do you think you are? Ask her. She's got cookies. She's got cookies. Oh, hayleysproud.com.

I'm hayleysproud.com and I've made you simply must accept my cookies. It's like, wow. Accept my cookies, please, so you can go on my new website. Listen. Cookies. Cookies. Accept them. Listen, I am a woman with many turning wheels in her life my new website. Listen. Cookies. Cookies. Listen.

I am a woman with many turning wheels in her life and I needed a place for it all to go. And then a wonderful creative, Ellie Neal, she approached me and was like, let's do a website. And I was like, how's it? Let's do it. And now I've got a website and I sent it to you guys. And you were like. Oh, we knew. My friends. And I've just been been telling everybody my friend's got a

website now i'm getting roasted that it's dot com and not where can i find this website born i say hayley sprowl.com and they say dot com is she from the united states of america this is not that outrageous to have a website. Companies have a website. I'm a business. People don't have websites. Lots of people have websites. Lots of comedians have websites. I've got a website now. Let's see what's on this

website. Top. Photo. Some menus. Good photo. You're perfect. From Jason Marmore. Yeah, quote, quote. He hasn't posted that. We are being from Jason Momoa. Yeah, quote, quote. That's quoted. He hasn't posted that, that we are being told

he said that. Yeah, well, there's online evidence of him saying it. Yeah. And a quote from the spinoff that calls you

an absolute hydra of threats. Yeah. I just went to JasonMomoa.com. He doesn't even have a website. Oh my God, how embarrassing for him.

Try JasonMomoa.hawaii because he might just be humble enough to... What's Hawaii? Dot com. Ha. No, don't they do dot com because they're American? Oh, they're an American.

Yeah, you're absolutely dead right. The global light name. They're a state. Right, let's scroll down this website. I can see her live. I can click on that, see her live. It's a hub of sorts. As featured on iHeartRadio, ZM, TVNZ and Taskmaster.

Here's my problem. She's just filling up space because ZM is on iHeartRadio and Taskmaster was on TVNZ. No, but iHeartRadio is also 6.life. Right. And I think that you actually owe me here. You actually feature. You can pay for, I've paid for the domain name.

If you scroll down, check out the FVHZM podcast. We're not there yet because we've got to read about Hayley. You'll no doubt recognise Hayley immediately. Rate yourself. Will I? I do write that sentence. Having been a contestant,

brackets, and winner, close brackets, on Taskmaster Season 5. Host of TVNZ's Have You Been Paying Attention? Cancelled. And The Great Kiwi Bake Off? Also cancelled. I mean, you might as well put Golden Boy on there as well. Also cancelled.

This is a roasting. Her dulcet tones now populate the airwaves too on ZM's Fletchwell and Hayley breakfast show. When she isn't making people laugh, rate yourself. On TV, radio, or on the stage, you'll find Hayley on the marching field with her team Royal Command, retired.

Well, I've taken the season off. It's a hiatus. And then you scroll down, check out the FBHCM podcast. That's lovely. It is a very, it's very nice. It's a nice website. Check out Hayley's performance at the Fred Award nomination.

Oh, that was just a little award. Not the win. I would have kept that out of there. I would have kept that out of there. Listen, this is a very normal thing. This is the time I didn't win an award. This is a very normal thing for people to do. A lot of people have websites.

Hang out with Hayley on sex.life podcast. Picture of Morgan. No mention of Morgan. Well, it's her podcast. It's them. See how easy it is to be mean? I always wanted to do this. Fletchanvaughn.com.

We did at one stage buy. Oh, oh. So you've also wanted a website before. No, that was a copyright reason because where we were working was trying to copyright our names. And a lawyer told us we'd stand a better chance of them not being able to win that

if we already had the web domain. If you bought everything. So we paid for the domain and then our agent was like, you should put something on it. I was like, nah. We're like, we don't want a website. We don't want a website. I don't want to be roasted for thinking I'm self-employed and not to have a website. I think lots of people have websites.

No, that company has websites. Lots of people have websites. Human beings have websites. I would like to know right now if there are any individuals listening with a website. Are you an individual with a website? And what is it? And I won't roast it because I don't know you well enough to do that.

So you're only going to roast my website? Yes. Yep. Okay. Well, maybe there are professional sports people listening that have a website. I actually too would like to hear. I'd like to hear from people that have a website

just to have some better high end company on the show this morning rather than my lame friends you want to do 0800 do you have a website yeah and I'll call up and I'll be like hey it's Hayley Sproul from hayleysproul.com and yes I have a website

I would really like to know if anyone's listening who was just happy with the.co.nz. Someone said, Hayley, don't listen to them. They're jealous. Fletchandpawn.com. Nothing. Site unavailable. This site can't be reached.

Check if there's a typo. No typo. No website. Hayley's got a website. Hayley.sprout. I don't want a website because that gives people the impression I want to work. And I don't want a website because that gives people the impression I want to work and I don't.

Okay, 0800 DARSEN This is so stupid. Do you have a website and why? What is your website about? Do you have a website

and why? Maybe it's a hobby website. Maybe. Fletchforn and hayleysprout.com Good. Good. Good. Good for me. That's actually my demand to be addressed all day today.

Do you know what else? I've just learned about HaleySproul.com. What's that? I went to HaleySproul.com and it changed it to www.HaleySproul.com. What did it do that for? Is that bad? I don't know. You've got to hide the www.

I think you hide the www. I think you hide the www. It makes you've got to hide the dub dub dub. I think you hide the dub dub. I think you hide the dub dub. It makes you look so old. It's not HTTP. It is HTTP. Colon, forward slash, forward slash,

dub dub dub. At least we know it's a secure hypertext. Oh, go back to the creator and have to change that. It's hide the dub dub dub. We just wanted to be rawhaleysprout.com.

Well, we are in the midst of a website owner, haleysprout.com. You are, and I'm in the midst of a bloody roasting because I've got a website, hayleysbrow.com, which I've just launched. Well, it has

led us to the question, do you have a website? And are you too good for.co.nz? .com is global and I'm a global woman. Adam's called up. Good morning, Adam. You have a website. I do. Good morning. Now, why do you have a website, my friend? Well, hey, it's not an exclusive club, Hayley. Don't come at us.

Yes, it is. Sorry. Mic's down. Just between us, website hammers. He's got a proof he's worthy of a website. Hey, Adam, it's nice to be in the company of greatness. Why do you have a website? Well, I've been doing photography for a while,

and four months ago I was like, you know what? I need a website. Might as well start selling some stuff. Makes sense that you would have a website. You're selling stuff. Why do you put everything on business? It's business, you know, like. What am I looking at?

What am I typing in to find this website? Green Moss Photography NZ. Green Moss Conservation and Photography NZ. This is too much. Wait, wait. It's too long. It's too long. I'm on greenmossph Photography. This is too much. Wait, wait. It's too long. It's too long. I'm on greenmossphotography.com.

Is that not you? Well, you want the actual website or do you just want to Google it? Because it's too long to... I don't think... You should be at nz.com. But is it.nz or.com or.co.nz? It's.com.

.com, okay. You're too good for this country too. So again, you're too good for.co.nz as well, Adam. I couldn't afford the domain. Oh, is it more expensive to have a.co? Yeah. Kjota, I'm a freshwater and terrestrial science consult and photographer. Is that you?

So there's Green Moss. We need a rebrand here. There's greenmossphotography.com and that looks like it's Joe Sadlow. That's not me. You've got competition. I did text through the email. No, no, we're on it. We're on it.

We're on yours. But you know that you are green-moss-photography-nz.com. I do. Yeah. But there's a green-moss-photography.com. This is a right cock up, Adam. Welcome to the rebrand. Welcome to the rebrand.

We need a rebrand. Any suggestions? Just short a man. You're Adam J. Hughes? Just real short, I reckon. Yeah. Greenmossnz.com. You guys want to see some of my photography?

Write this down. Green-moss-photography-nz.com slash photography-portfolio-website. This is our new segment, Marketing 101. Give me a... Yeah. I will say, Adam, you grow a great beard and a great head of hair. And it does make sense for you to have a website, Adam.

It does. As it makes sense for HayleySproul.com. And ironically, here is a photo of some green moss. Oh, beautiful green moss. Green hyphen moss hyphen photographer hyphen NZ hyphen dot com hyphen photography. Some other messages through people that have websites like yourself, Hayley. Yeah, it's nice just to hear from other people. Somebody said, my mum has a website

for her artwork. See, that makes sense. Colette.co.nz Get them back on the phone. Now that is a website. That's a website. It rolls off the tongue. Colette Fergus. But she was just like, I don't need Fergus. I'm Colette, baby.

Man, if I could have Hayley.com I would have had Hayley.com Colette And you go on there And it's got her artwork There's a person That has a website That's great

That's a great website All of the artworks up there There's a whole lot of different Oh I love the art Colette See now I've got the website Verdantgreen.co.nz If you go there You'll be the 6th person to visit

I'll click on it right now And go to Verdant Verdant Green. What is that? What is their website about? I've got no idea. I hope it's not. God, I hope.

Yeah, you should have done a check actually before you just give that out. Oh, why? What do you reckon? Someone messaged in, I work with someone who has his own website, fullname.com. Yeah.

He's no one. These are their words. Yeah. He's a no one, just has an ego. I won't say what it is or refuse to increase his analytics. No, please.

Please share it with just us. Because I want to see what his website looks like. I feel like a lot of real estate agents would have their name as a website, right? Totally. Yeah. Maybe, or like Vaughan Real Estate. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, vaughansales-houses.com.

Slash hyphen nz.com and apartments. Ford slash townhouses and apartments dot sections dot. Hyphen stuff. By the way, Verdant Green, perfectly fine to visit while you're at work.

It's about landscape architecture. Okay, now we have had a text and I have just brought the domain name hayleysprout.co.nz and I'm going to use it for all the times Hayley gets roasted. Wow. Also, it costs quite a lot of money, so I'm happy for you to spend money buying that

just to roast me. Your money, honey. 825. And go to hayleysprout.com. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley It's time for Fact of the Day

Day, day, day, day It's fart week Hair effect of the day Can you do What's your best go Quickly Best fart with your mouth Fletch

That was terrible That was tight That was really I'm It was tight He's laughing Relax for crying out loud. You guys are being too comical.

Are we going for real? I was going for comical, yeah. You know the ones that escape. Man, your fart's tight, Fletch. Keeping it tight back there. Yeah, it's tight. God, would you relax, please? Just release the anus.

Just breathe. God. Today's fact of the day for Fart Week is that females' farts smell worse than males'. 100%. 100%. Sorry. Why is that? There wasn't even any... Because we all have IBS and sore tummies.

Women have a higher concentration. Men fart more Yes Thus diluting The presence of the smelly gases Okay Are we fermenting longer? You're fermenting a little bit longer

And farting less So when you do You're sort of a farting a concentrate of sorts Concentrate Yeah That's grim A higher concentration of hydrogen sulphide that gives off the stronger odour. This was actually studied.

A research involved 16 healthy participants who consumed pinto beans in a laxative. Oh, dear. Wow, what a study. While, it gets worse, wearing a system to collect their gas. The collected flatulence. What does that system look like? I imagine it's a container, like, strapped like? I imagine it's a container like strapped on I imagine it's a reverse oxygen mask

Yeah, yeah, yeah Taped to the anus Sort of sealed around A vacuum of sorts Do you have to put it on when you feel like you're going to fart? And so what if you put yours on before you help anybody else put theirs on? Because in an emergency, you know, you want to get it on Including children, yeah

So the flatulence was analysed for its composition and this is the point where a blind smell test was taken part of. Who's doing that? Who's doing the sniffing? Some people would pay a fortune to do it, wouldn't they? A lot of those

medical trials are like students that need the money. So they're like I need to pay rent this week. I'm going to go sniff some women's farts. Yeah. Okay. That's how I'm actually paying my rent at the moment. I'm selling mine, pretending it's women's. So the blind smell test was conducted.

Yeah, that is fart fishing. You've been fart fished. I want to apologise for it. Okay, fine. I'm giving them some of my best work. Yeah. Results showed that women's farts were rated as more offensive in odour intensity with descriptions such as rotten eggs and decomposing vegetables used more often. However, men passing larger

amounts of gas overall with a lower concentration of the hydrogen sulphide. Wow. Wow. I totally, I mean, I have IBS. My farts are definitely worse than Aaron's. Especially I've had some FODMAPs. Those are the foods that disagree with you. Yeah, his farts don't worse than Aaron's, especially I've had some FODMAPs. Those are the foods that disagree with you.

Yeah, his farts don't really smell that much. Mine have really tapered off in smell. To me, there was a time where we... High protes, bro. Were we high protes and high fibre and we would really sort of like gas out a whole studio. Oh, really? Yeah.

No, neither of your farts smell that much. There's a couple. You've done a fart every now and then that I'll go, oh, Vaughn. Yes, oh, dear me. Oh, Vaughn. Oh, Va? Yeah. No, neither of your farts smell that much. There's a couple. You've done a fart every now and then that I'll go, oh, Vaughn. Yes. Oh, dear me. Oh, Vaughn. Oh, Vaughn. But most of the time, quite pleasant.

What about when you do one and you immediately smell it and you're like, that's going to be so bad I'm going to get busted and no one else smells it? Yeah. That's always weird. Or you'll do one and you can't smell it and somebody else can. Yeah. And you're like. Puzzling.

Puzzling times. But today's fact of the day is females' farts smell worse than males' farts. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Our wonderful good boy Bryn Rudkin is in studio. Good morning, Bryn. Good morning. Bad boy now.

You've left the newsroom. Well, that's the thing. We call him good boy every morning and he's turned up here with a tattoo. He's trying to buck this good boy image. Good boy image. This is your first tattoo. It is, yep. I could be in a gang now. Well,

it's quite floral. Well, yeah. It doesn't scream gang tattoo to me. Really? It's like a peace gang. It's an olive branch. Very spontaneous. I was out swimming and I saw a guy doing tattoos by my car and he was legit.

You're as bad as Shannon. I know the place you're talking about, but the way you've described it. A guy's doing tattoos in a van. Well, yeah, sort of just parked up and yeah. It's a great tattoo. Like it looks nice. I've never seen an olive branch.

You know, when you think of the biblical olive branch and the dove carrying it in its mouth, it never had olives on it. You've gone for an olive. That's because it would weigh the bird down. The bird couldn't fly. The bird would eat the olives. Pre-eat an olive. To power its mouth. It never had olives on it. You've gone for an olive. That's because it would weigh the bird down. The bird would eat the olives. To power its flight. So you

just on a whim, your first tattoo, straight to the arm, you're on a whim when, yeah, I'm going to hop in this van and get a tat. Yeah, I must say, a couple of hours after getting it I was thinking, man, it's quite permanent. Yeah, it is. It's a shame those things, they really... But yeah, it's good permanent. Yeah. It is, yeah. It's a shame, those things, they really... But yeah, it's good, I like it.

Okay, good. You've done well. Yeah, good. Anyway. So you shared on your social media that you stayed at an Airbnb that had a weird rule. Yeah, well, actually, we were doing a WeZM roadie over the weekend to Tauranga to a festival down there

and Claire, who runs our promotions department, she booked the Airbnb. Okay. And it was a lovely spot down at the mouth. I didn't get invited. I actually missed that too. You don't go. Would you have come?

No, of course not. But it's the thought that counts. This is classic Vaughan. He wants the invite just so he can say no. Yeah. It sort of gives me this weird kick to be invited to things and happily look someone straight in the eye and a big smile on my face and say, absolutely not.

No, I don't want to do that at all. Thank you for the invite. Okay, I'll remember for next time. Yes, please. Well, we looked at the rule book and it was a big sort of manila folder full of rules. I hate that. I hate that.

And the Airbnb sort of like empty all the rubbish and do all the cleaning and then we're going to charge you $100 to clean it. A cleaning fee. Yeah. Well, like one of the rules was don't put seafood debris down the waste master. Debris.

Debris. What, like prawn shells or something? Fish guts. Fish guts. Yeah. Okay. I love that. Don't put seafood debris.

Seafood debris. But the one rule that I put up on my Instagram, and this was about using the induction cooktop, and it said, don't try to make gravy in an oven tray or pan as it won't work. So clearly someone has tried this and it hasn't worked. And left the oven tray in a real state. A real state.

So like when you take a chook or a beef or whatever out of the oven in a tray, the drippings and you put it on the stovetop and you heat that up and you make your thing. Because it's induction they're saying it's not going to work. Don't try to make gravy. You could make it in the oven though

it would just take longer right? Because it doesn't have the direct heat. Doesn't the bubble. Yeah. You've got to let it reduce. Yeah. Oh god I love that. Anyway, we did try and make some gravy. Okay, what? But Bryn, the bad boy. Yeah, I know.

Bad boy? He's got a fresh tattoo and he wants some gravy. I know. Most importantly, the Airbnb wasn't under my name. It was under Claire's. Oh, thank God. There was nothing on me if things went pear-shaped. Right.

How did you make the gravy? Well, there was already the Maggi gravy mix in the pantry. Wait, so they're leaving behind gravy mix but saying, don't you dare make gravy?

That's right. Yeah. Well, they just want you to make microwave gravy. I know. A lot of temptation. Yeah. So how did you make the gravy?

Did you put the pan on the stove? Absolutely. Yeah. We oiled the jug. Did it work? Give it a head start. Yeah. Did it did you make the gravy? Did you put the pan on the stove? Absolutely, yeah. We oiled the jug. Did it work? Give it a head start. Yeah. Did it work?

It did, yeah. Good gravy? Yeah, good gravy. We had nothing to have with it. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. You didn't make it like a chook. No, no, no.

You only made gravy to break the rule. That's brat. That is so brat-y. Brat-y. Summer. He is living his brat summer. I know. Bratty Bryn Rudkin.

Actually, we're not going to say good boy Bryn anymore. No one's going to say bad boy Bryn. That's our bad boy Bryn. Oh, no, we've got bad news Brad. Yeah. I think it's our bratty Bryn. Bratty Bryn. That's our bratty Bryn.

Look at him. Bad boy with his tattoos and his gravy. Bratty Bryn.com or.com.nz? Well, can you please behave yourself, please? You know, you're representing the company out there. People know who you are. Is your social media public or do you keep that on the down low? Well, I'm a classic millennial slash trying to be Gen Z and I've got two.

I've got a private one now. Oh, okay. That's only for my closest friends. What are you hiding on there? Well, should I give you a quick demo? A quick behind the scenes look. How bad is it? I follow you. You've got a blue tick.

But I'm on the blue tick one. I'm not on the personal. No, you're not on the private one. You're not on the private either. Yeah, no. Well, I'll show you this one. It's the CEO. Have you got shirts off? Giving us some wine. Oh.

Yeah, so I'm going to put that on my public one. Sorry, Boxy. You keep that on the private one. Boxy hasn't given me any wine. My gosh. Anyway, so. Wow. How are the other half looking?

Have you got some ads to play or something? Yeah. We've already got some. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. An apology is owed, I believe. Not from Fletch, not from Vaughan, not from hayleysprout.com. Not from Carwin, but from producer Shannon.

Again, actually. Yet again, we've redacted her jingle for her hacks because they were getting people in trouble and they were getting banned at workplaces. And now you owe an apology for time wasting. Yeah, that's the crime. Wasting people's time. I kind of feel like

an influencer who's had some old tweets brought up and they're just constantly apologising. Constantly. I'm really on a bad streak. Hi, I need to address what happened yesterday. And I'll just do some dry tears. So what happened yesterday, well, yeah, dry tears. What happened yesterday was you informed

us you had thrown away your car keys. Yes. And you thought you had done this by... Just chucking them in a bin, really, yeah. Because you use your shopping bags as rubbish bags. As a bin bag. Yeah, okay. And then I got so stressed because my car is in like a tight apartment.

So I had so many people messaging me, tow companies who would pay to scrap my car. The text machine was inundated. Everyone was so helpful. My mum found the person who sold me the car and asked if they had a spare key, even though I bought it 10 years ago. That'd be so, oh my God. It'd be all creepy if they did.

Imagine if they were like, yes, we do. Because you didn't have a spare set of keys. No spare. The car was locked and stuck in my apartment. The car is as broken as anything. Like, it barely works. I want to get rid of it. Right, and you'd done this a week and a half ago,

so they wouldn't still, the keys wouldn't have been in the apartment rubbish bin. That was their clear daily. Yeah, the dumpsters are gone. So I was just like, well, it's gone. And my plan was, give it a few weeks and then deal with it. Because it was just stuck there. Were you guys amazed by just the outpouring of support on the pitch machine?

So many people were saying, do this, do that. Here's a cost. Caring. A lot of caring. Caring listeners. Passion listeners. We're taking time out of their busy morning to offer advice and even pay and help. It's incredibly moving.

So we thought we had the problem solved in terms of it was still a big major problem but we had avenues in which to deal with it. And that's when a message came through yesterday afternoon of a picture of a car key. Yeah, I found it! Woo!

Where did you find it? In a bin bag. So theory was correct. Why didn't you know where you thought it would be? Yes. So when I first initially realised I lost it, I was quite busy getting ready for an engagement party. So I was like, ah, it's a tomorrow problem. Tomorrow was a little dusty.

So I looked, I promise. Obviously not enough. Not enough. Yeah. So it was, I have like a bag of the like used paper bags and I just trawled through there and I kind of, I squeezed them together and I squeezed hard enough and guess what I found?

Okay. Yeah, baby. So formal apology to every person who texted in helping me, to my mum who went to someone. She's given them a bottle of wine as a sorry for wasting her time. She's that embarrassed by Shannon. When I text my dad, he just replied with seven letter M's. He just went, mm, that was it.

Wow, not angry. Disappointed. Can you also, you've got a raw dog key. Yeah. Because my car's so broken that if I have a key chain on it, it falls out of the ignition. I used to have one of those. We've all had one of those.

We've all had one of those. We're just driving along and it's like, huh. It falls out. If you've got a car, you can start with a popper school stick. Yeah. But I'm glad because if I'd lost my apartment key, then I would have really been screwed. So I think it's good in future.

You know the king and his son don't fly together? What? What are you talking about? The king and his son don't fly together. Oh, in case, because then you won't be an heir to the throne. Yeah, you can't have two heirs of the throne. Or the people who know the Coca-Cola recipe, they can't fly together.

Yeah. My keys, they have to be separate. Can't go together. Okay, that's why they're separate. So you can be carless or homeless, but not both. Yeah. That's a good plan. Great way to look at it.

That's your plan? Yeah. You call that a plan? Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it.

So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work.