ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 5th March, 2025

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

Sleep maxxing Top 6 Worse responses than go eat a marmite sandwichThings lost most at airports SLP - If you could only use one utensil which would you pick? Choc will be $10 a block Millie Bobby Brown hits back Babes of the board - wild card David Stuart Do you work at an airport? We have questions Hayley's embarassing ask for her Mum We need to be pashing more Fact of the Day Is it unprofessional to have hickeys at work?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Big Pod. Thanks to Animates, making happy happen for pets. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Thanks, Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks Bryn, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. I was just about to tuck into my delicious melted plastic for breakfast. Yum! Nothing makes my oats tastier than melted plastic. Do you know what reminds me? When we were flatting once, one of the lads was buying those,

was pretty much living off those meals. The microwave meals. You sat with a fork in the middle. Yes. Which is basically what some of the schoolads was buying those, was pretty much living off those meals. The microwave meals. You stand with a fork in the middle. Yes. Which is basically what some of the school lunches are, right? Yeah. And the microwave was being used by somebody, so he put it in the oven. Oh. It just melted

everywhere. But he just put it on the grill shelf rack of the oven, so when it melted, it melted around and hit the bottom, and of course that's where the heat started. Oh, oven. So when it melted, it melted around and hit the bottom. And of course, that's where the heat started. Yeah, it was a real thing. Did he still pick it out to eat it? Nah.

He let it go cold because he was convinced it was going to be easy to get off when it was cold. Right. And then, yeah, it was a whole thing. Every time anyone turned on the oven, I don't think we used the oven in that place again. Some people don't do flatting well, do they? No. Some people don't really flatting well, do they? No. But the school lunches. Some people don't really do life particularly well.

The school lunch debacle in the top six soon on the show. Yes, because Christopher Luxton, Prime Minister-elect of this country. No, I think you say Prime Minister now because he's been Prime Minister for so long. Well, they elected him. Yeah, but that's the bit before that. Oh, you do the top six then. Just saying you do it. Is the Prime Minister. Oh, you do the top six then. Just saying Hugh do it. Is the Prime Minister. Oh, is the Prime Minister elect?

No. Prime Minister elect is before you take over. Means he's elected, but he's not yet in power. Yes. Well, he's carrying on like a... I didn't really even know what that meant. Well, yesterday he said, if you don't like the school lunches,

go make a Marmite sandwich. And everyone's like, no, you're missing the entire point. You're missing the entire point. You're missing the entire point. I've got the top six worst responses than go make a marmite sandwich because it could have been worse. Also, there's something your mum would say, eh? Oh, there's fruit in the bowl? Fruit in the bowl?

I'm hungry. Why don't you have a peanut butter sandwich? Dinner's in 12 hours. Have a piece of fruit. I know. You're on your appetite. I'm shaking with hunger. We've only got 12 hours to wait. Coming up in the I know. You're on your appetite. I'm shaking with hunger. We've only got 12 hours to wait. Coming up in the top six. Next on the show, though, we're all after that elusive goodnight sleep,

but some people are doing far too much. Dive into this next. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. You just walked in this morning. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? I said I had a delicious eight and a half hours. That's wild, man.

I look at my sleep app and it tells me when I wake up, like if I need to go for a wee or if my cat walks on me and I'm like, get out. Get out of here. But yeah, I had like three awakes, like little awakes. I needed to pee a lot yesterday. I got up maybe three times during the night after falling asleep too late. I reckon I maybe hit five.

That's not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough at all, Vaughan. I don't know, man. None sleep. I don't know, man. Do you not wear your watch when you sleep?

God, no. That's when I charge it. That's when I charge it. And I don't like the feeling of it. Yeah, it reminds me of when I was in prison. Oh, my God, yes. You were never in prison. You were never in prison. That's like I'm handcuffed to my little single bed., it reminds me of when I was in prison. Oh, my God, yes. You were never in prison. I was like a handcuff to my little single bed.

You were never in prison. I was in prison. Also, they don't handcuff you when you sleep in prison. They do when you're in for what I did. Oh, right. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. Well, there's a lot of, I've seen this a lot on social media.

People sleep, it's called sleep maxing. And it's like doing everything to get the greatest night's sleep and like all of the benefits of sleep. Is it just going to bed early? No, no, no, no. That's what you should do, Fletch. But these people are taping their mouths, they're taping their face,

they're sleeping with a special pillow, they're putting magnesium on their feet, they're taking melatonin, they're putting castor oil on their belly buttons, they're putting da-da-da-da-da, they're doing these huge oil on their belly buttons, they're putting they're doing these huge red light therapy castor oil on the belly button, yeah it's huge

at the moment, helps digestion and all this kind of stuff, really? not science backed it's not science backed and actually science has come out being like that's just a waste of time and money but influencers have been doing it and say that, really skinny toned ripped influencers do it.

Oh, right. And so me with a bit of a gut, I think, I see that, I go, so if I put castor oil on my belly button when I sleep, you're telling me I'm going to be that thin? And then I buy the product. Castor oil just specifically on the belly button. Yeah, you can get these like patches that I see a lot of influencers wearing on the belly.

Anyway, it's sleep maxing. So they go to bed looking like a mummy, basically. Wrapped up in every machine and all this. Sleep experts are like, you're doing too much. You're doing way too much. Also, taping, like, I sleep with a sleep mask, and it's amazing, because it just blacks out everything. But

that took a while to get used to, but taping your face? Why are people doing that? It reminds me of prison and the tape on the face. It all reminds me of prison. I was in a really weird prison, but I did my crime and I did my time.

Yeah. Oh, I can't say. Oh, sorry. Somewhere in that area. To be honest, I didn't really know. You didn't even know, but when we had to come

and pick you up with the Governor General, it was a whole thing. Yeah, taping the face, there's something about the sleeping like with your mouth open. It's not a good sleep. It's nose breathing. All this kind of stuff.

So sleep experts are like, you're doing too much. You've done, it's a lot of this that's online is not research backed at all. It's just influencers doing all this. It's a social media trend not rooted in medical advice, they say. Money making. By doing all of this, you're actually adding a lot of pressure to yourself

in terms of like, okay, I've got to get this sleep. And that is the antithesis. You're going to be like wired in stress. And you're looking, oh my God, it's not working. Everybody knows you just crank the hog and off you go. Crank the hog and off you go. Worked for me last night. Am I wrong?

Am I wrong? You're not wrong. Let's be completely honest. Crank it and sleep. I mean, it certainly doesn't help when everyone's on their phones. No. I mean, all that's the obvious stuff, but all this extra stuff. A hundred percent.

They say don't obsess over sleep trackers. Relying on it is unnecessary stress. It can give you a, it's not a complete picture of a good night's sleep. Yeah, look how stressed Fletch is. I know. He's way more stressed than us. All of his day-to-day is unnecessary stress. It's not a complete picture of a good night's sleep. Look how stressed Fletch is. I know. He's way more stressed than us. All of his day-to-days, killing him, weighing him down. So they were like just simple things.

Avoid the blue light, eat a light dinner, skip the glass of red wine. You could do some meditation before bed, get to sleep before 10 p.m., wake up before 6 a.m. Just simple. Simple, simple, simple. And don't waste your money. But I read in this article they say don't sleep on your left side.

Aren't you slavering yourself in magnesium, Carwen? Is that what you were doing before bed? Yeah, I put it on my legs because I have little restless legs. Or do you do that thing when you're going to sleep? They're just like I'm so aware of them and then

it feels painful and I can't sleep. I think magnesium is very science-backed for sleep. Magnesium gave me wacky dreams when I did the magnesium spray. I love it. I have magnesium. I was drinking too much. Oh my God, am I asleep? What do they call these people?

Maxer. No, no, no. Magnesium's not maxing. Okay, good. Magnesium would be like if you were doing a magnesium infusion. But do you put like an oil on? It's like a buttery. Why don't you just take a pill?

Well, I do that as well. Oh, okay, right. It does help with the restless legs. Okay. I think just people need to calm down. Do you take anything shut or? No, that scares me. I mean, it's supposedly good, but it scares me.

What if my nose got blocked and my mouth is shut? Oh, yeah, like when you get the cold, you got boogers? There's a little hole. Wait, there's a hole in the tape. Is there? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was literally just... The mouth tape.

I've just been using duct tape. Is that for a straw? Yeah. Yeah, so they can feed you. Just in case you need a zap or something. I'm obsessed with this castor oil in the belly button thing because it absolutely sounds like something Hayley would make up improv.

No, no, no. No, people do it to get skinny. It's called navel pulling. It's not doing anything to make you skinny. No, it doesn't. It just makes you show yourself. It doesn't. Apparently castor oil does have a laxative effect

when taken orally. But there's no scientific support that applying it to the belly button has any impact. I tried it. It would work. How many weight did you drop overnight? It didn't work.

I hate it. I hate it so much. Castor oil's got anti-inflammatory properties, but that would be if you had something on the surface that was inflamed. It's not going to work through the magic belly button hole. No, but they're just making these patches and selling it. It's money making. Wait, but what if I fill my belly button with castor

oil so it's just about to the top, almost a meniscus, and then I put the tape over it? That's what people do with a cotton ball. Oh my God. What if instead you get up on the bar and you fill that belly button of yours with tequila and then you put a lemon on your nipple,

lemon on one nipple, salt on the other. We suck on your nipple, do your tequila belly button shot and then lick the salt off your other nipple. This is how I ended up in prison in Southeast Asia. That's why they had to handcuff my hand and blindfold me at night. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. From your local community Facebook page, this is The Top Six. Hello there.

Hi. If you're new to the show, my name is Vaughn Smith, and I do a regular segment on the show called The Top Six, where I take a topical event happening somewhere in the world and try to write six weird... No, I'm not going to call them jokes because they're not always funny no they're not always funny

observations on the situation at hand today's situation at hand is the ongoing I'll call it and I do apologise for using the R word the ongoing

Rig Fletcher's panicking Rigmarole oh I got nervous I was about to leave well I was about to see I don't know this guy the ongoing Rigmarole and that strong language and to say, I don't know this guy. The ongoing rigmarole and that strong language,

and I apologise, but I don't regret. This ongoing rigmarole of the New Zealand school lunch situation, which we haven't heard, had millions of dollars stripped out of it, and the lunch standard has absolutely fallen off a cliff. Anyway, it's just mostly a slop in a plastic container these days. Prison slop. Well, yesterday when the Prime

Minister was questioned what he thinks about the whole thing, along saying as well as saying that David Seymour needs to deal with this, and will deal with this, he said if you're not happy with him go make a Marmite sandwich for God's sake. Which is something your mum

would snap at you, isn't it? When you're like, man, when's dinner? I'm hungry, when's my dinner? Also, like, I think we've almost broken him. Like, he wouldn't have said this. He snapped. He's going to snap. That's him snapping.

He's going to snap. Yeah. And push it. Well, nutritionists have come out and said a Marmite sandwich and an apple is simply not enough for a growing body. I did love the New Zealand media swinging into full force yesterday with how much nutrition is in a Marmite sandwich? And how do you make a Marmite sandwich? How do you make your Marmite sandwich? Marmite on bread.

Thin Marmite, thick Marmite. Butter, margarine. Scrape or spread. The Marmite debate. Which is the perfect amount of Marmite and which is the perfect way to toast your bread? Pick it from this graph. We're the New Zealand news media.

I've got the top six worst responses than go make a Marmite sandwich. Okay. Great. Number six on the list. Ooh, are you poor? Yuck, I don't like that at all. That would have been a worst response.

Yeah. That would have been a worst response than go make a marmite sandwich number 5 on the list of the top 6 worst responses than go make a marmite sandwich if you're not happy

at least you get lunch back in my day there were only 2 meals which is a lie but again a worse response than go make a marmite sandwich and you had to walk

47 kilometres to school and then do it back and then for some reason 52 on the way home and you had to make your own bread and knife. Yeah, and chew your own

butter in the morning. We got up at 1am to start the day. Number four on the list of the top six worst responses than go make a Marmite sandwich would have been melted plastic is actually

easier to eat than ordinary plastic. I've tried, be grateful. It goes down because it's softer. It's melted. Yeah, it's softer. It's melted. Yeah, it's melted. It's hot.

You've got to keep it hot. You've got to keep it hot otherwise it'll go hard again. Yeah. But then the catch 22 is it's hot. It'll burn all the way down. It's a bit of hair on your chest,

you know, a bit of plastic in the morning. Number three on the list of the top six worst responses than go make a Marmite sandwich is actually I think fasting is a great way to activate the brain for learning.

It is Ramadan, yeah. Fasting is big at the moment, isn't it? Number two on the list which I hadn't written until right now thanks to Hayley Sproul and the Westris Watson

and go make a Marmite sandwich is it is Ramadan at the moment. Which of course there's no eating from correct me but I'm happy to be corrected here.

No eating from sun up to sun down. Sun up to sun down. Sun up to sun down. Started on the 28th. Of February. Runs the month. Of March. Yeah.

I would have done it in February. It's a shorter month. That's what I always think when something's hard and it's over a month. I'll be like, I'll chuck it in February. Ron Vaughan Smith,

always looking for an easy loophole. Yeah. One extra day of food. But February, the sun's coming up earlier and going down later. Not in the Northern Hemisphere. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Move to the Northern Hemisphere, I do February for Ramadan. I don't know. You don't really get to choose how weird Ramadan is. It's wildly offensive that I've chose to move to holiday. Maybe. Just for less days. I do apologise. Just so you can eat more.

Yeah. Number one on the list of the top six worst responses than go make a marmite sandwich is, you reckon you need lunch, do you, fatty? Oh, yeah. That would have been worse. He could have snapped. He could have said it.

Have you seen the state of these kids? Yeah, a few of them could have laid off anyway. Some of them should be skipping it a bit more often, if you know what I mean. That is today's top six. That's not my thoughts. Felt like it was your thoughts. Politically, I'd like to distance myself from that thought.

No, we've clipped it all up. Your mouth saying those words. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Auckland Airport. In the last year, nine... I've been there. You've been there a few times.

We've all been through a few times. 9,000 kgs of unclaimed luggage in the last year. Weird that they've done it by weight. I suppose they just shove it in a box. In a box, yeah. So 18.5 million passengers in the last year through Auckland Airport. I guess that's international and domestic. The most common left-behind item, what do you think it is?

Phone. Charger. The entire suitcases. No. Burr. It's an item of something, not a suitcase. Pillow. Sunglasses.

No. Animals. Babies. Babies. Close. Prams. Yes. 200 prams.

Is it because they have to just jettison it? Because... You've got to fold them down. You've got to take them to the oversized fragile bit. But won't the airlines take them at the gate as well? Sometimes? No. And then tag them?

Some airlines will tag them. Sometimes they do that fast, what do they do? Yeah, yeah, the gate, and then they chuck them down. And then they'll chuck them down to the, but then maybe they get lost. I don't know how it works. I reckon it would be easy to walk away from an airport with one. You'd just be like, get all your luggage,

you're just carrying the baby, and you walk away. And then you're like, oh, we're surprised. You're in your Uber. Or you're in another country and you're never getting that back. Yeah. So that was the most popular item. The airport will normally save stuff for about one to three

months and try to obviously get it back with the owners. But you think, like, if you are on an international flight and you're taking off and you're never ever coming back to New Zealand and you leave your iPad like you left an iPad on a plane? Yeah, that's when it was coming to Auckland.

I don't even know, it was a domestic or international but yeah, they found it and it was just at the lost property next time I went out there. Right, but if you were leaving and you're never coming back, no one's sending that back to you, are they? Nah. You can't be like, I left it by the big chair by the duty free or something. I always find it wild, you know

when you go overseas and you see all the like unclaimed baggage, you're like, who's just leaving without their bag? Like who walks through? Or maybe they're on a they missed their connecting flight or something? I don't know. You always see like, yeah, so many bags still going around and no one's't know. You always see like, yeah, so many bags still going around

and no one's getting them. But yeah, clothes, blankets, guitars, and tennis rackets were also some of the items that made up the 9,000 kgs of lost or leftover items. Tennis rackets. And they actually send them to ME Family Services. So a lot of the stuff is reused if it's not claimed, which is great.

That's good. That's good. I would have been angry had I heard that they were just burning it. Burning it. And there was an airport, was it last year, or is it Brisbane or Sydney Airport that do an auction with all of their stuff? Yeah, I watch a few YouTubers that buy these unclaimed and lost items and stuff. And some people buy like suitcases, like storage wars.

You don't know what's in it. And they go through and it's like, oh, it's just like old, yuck, holiday clothes or something. Yeah, knickers. Yeah, yeah. And a bag of mushrooms. It would have ended up on border security, border patrol. Oh, my God.

What kind of mushrooms? Magic or pizza? No, just pizza mushrooms. Oh, just a button. Because, you know, when people come to New Zealand, they want to bring their own, like, mushrooms and pizza toppings. It's very important to travel internationally with your own mushrooms. I always travel with my own.

Yeah. Salamis, hams, mushrooms, capsicums. Have you got any food in your suitcase? Well, just my basic pizza needs. No, it's important you say no. Oh, I'm just an honest woman. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no.

You don't know that it's food. Okay. And then when it's open, you're like, oh, you meant food. Oh. I thought you meant food. Sorry. Food. Food. Oh, yeah, there's food. Yeah. That's why it makes great oh, you meant food. I thought you meant food. Sorry? Food. Oh yeah, there's food.

That's why it makes great television, eh? It's so good. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little poe. Silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole.

All right, let's get down to it. Let's get down to some nitty gritty. Silly little pole today is if you could only use one utensil for the rest of your life, which one would you pick? The obvious answer is fork. I put fork, but now I'm like, wait, soups. Yeah. I don't like soups. Drink a soup?

I went spoon. Spoon because spoon kind of does what a fork kind of does. Nah, you can't stab things with a spoon. Do you know, I just love, if I make a stir fry. Do you eat a spoon? I go with a soup spoon. I love it. I love it. It's so good. How... Do you eat a spoon? I go with a soup spoon. I love it. I love it.

It's so good. How good's rice with a spoon? Yeah, because then you get the rice, you get everything, and it's on a spoon. It's amazing. We had couscous last night. A couscous.

Did you? Why'd you have couscous? We don't like couscous. I know what I like. Couscous. We were supposed to have ouizo pasta? Ouizo. Ouizo pasta? Ouizo supposed to have ouzo pasta. Ouzo.

Ouzo pasta. Ouzo. Ouzo. Ouzo. And then you went for couscous. And then apparently they didn't have any of that, so we had couscous. Couscous. And I ate it with a spoon.

Yeah. Oh, it's too small for a fork. Fork. It all falls through. It's very dry. Couscous is dry. My mum makes a good couscous salad. This wasn't dry couscous, because, you know, that's my biggest problem with couscous. It's dry. My mom makes a good couscous salad. This wasn't dry couscous because, you know, that's my biggest problem with couscous.

It's a lot of eating. Do you have Israeli couscous or just not normal? Just normal couscous. You're on the fence with your couscous. I'm not on the fence about anything. Free Palestine. Yeah. 100%.

Wait, so you're not with Israel? No, absolutely not. Are you taking a stance? It just sounds like you've taken a stance over couscous. Wow. Wow. No, I took a stance over Cous Cous. Wow. No, I took a stance. Yes, I took a stance. I'm trying to keep it light and bright here.

I'm trying to keep the radio show light and bright. And people don't need to be constantly reminded about the doom of the world. And I was trying to stay out of it on air. But you know I'm free Palestine 100%. Cous Cous, be damned. But anyway, so last night we were enjoying a lovely family Cous Couscous be damned. But anyway, so last night we were enjoying a lovely family couscous and I was eating it with a spoon. Well, yeah, that makes sense because a fork is just, it's.

Every other sucker at the table was trying to eat it with a fork. Yeah. I'm like, suckers, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. Record time down in that couscous. But eating like noodles and stuff with a spoon can't do it. Impossible. Spaghetti with a spoon without the fork assisting? Yeah, impossible.

Okay, well this is what the public results are. 12% is shut up. Shut up. 12%. I'm, by the way, on the verge of a mental breakdown. I don't know if anybody else has called that. That's okay. It's been slowly coming.

I'm excited. I feel like there's a worm in my brain. Like Robert. That's called ADHD. AFK Junior. 12% of people chose knife. Interesting. Interesting.

What are you doing with a knife? Yeah, because you're never going to be able to stab. You're going to knife your eyes? Yeah. 35% of people said spoon. 54% of people said fork. 54% of people said fork. Okay. Interesting.

Fork. Fork. Why are people not choosing knife? Someone messaged in. How are you going to stab someone who steals your food? That's true. Yeah. Far out.

I'm bypassing. This is a text in. I'm bypassing Instagram again. It has to be a spoon if something's big enough to need a knife you can hold it and eat it

oh my god great idea we've got utensils on our end of our arms that are kind of a bit of everything yeah

we've got knives growing out of our jaws we've got knives here I mean a lot of cultures have already worked that out but we're too precious your couscous in the palm of your hand.

The palm of the hand is the spoon, the fingers of the fork. That's how most Indian people eat their food, is with their hands. It is genius. Yum. Do the dipping in there. Dipping, get a bit of bread, bit of rice, bit of yum, yum, yum, yum.

We've heard from a fellow Sri Lankan who makes a main couscous salad. I work in your building. I can bring some in for you. Well, they're talking a big game. I'll believe it when I see it. Couscous salad. I work in your building. I can bring some in for you. Well, that's talking a big game. Please do it. I'll believe it when I see it. Couscous salad.

Couscous. I didn't know couscous was the domain of our Sri Lankan allies. I don't think you know anything about couscous. You didn't even know how to say that pasta. Yeah. Oizo. Oizo. Oizo.

Let's hear from some people. Ali says, because you can use the side of the fork To cut stuff and also stab stuff And sort of scoop things It's fork for me Fork yeah Okay what if we'd put spork But spork

Who owns a spork Spork's the worst Do you own a spork Well and for camping Oh yeah but that's No one's got in their utensil drawer Knives, forks, spoons and sporks No

It's teaspoons Knives, forks, spoons and sporks. No. Teaspoons. That's the first one. Knives, forks, spoons, sporks, norks. Norks. Norks. Spoons. Just all of the hybrid.

Purse me the nork. We're going to have the nork and the fork. Purse me the nork. How would all these people who pick fork cut anything for the rest of their lives? Yeah.

We've covered this Bridgetget, with our teeth. You can always use a knife to stab food to pick it up and eat it, but good luck cutting it with a spoon or a fork. These results are silly. Spoon is superior. You need the spoon for soup, cereals, ice cream. How silly, little pole silly. Only we are allowed to do that.

It's like when we insult our family. We're allowed to. You're not. You're not. And any steak should be tender enough to cut with a spoon. Good call. Francis said, because I can use my hands as a fork

and I look like a gremlin, no substitute for a knife. I think check in your mouth, Francis. There are substitutes for your knife. There. Born with little knives. Good luck eating soup and curries with a fork.

Losers. That's from Ash. Again, I would drink the soup from the bowl and the curry. I would slurp and then fork. Give it the old slurp and fork. Give it the old slurp and fork. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Hayley just stuck all 10 fingers into my ribs from behind me. And now my heart's at 110 beats a minute. I'm terrified. It felt like the devil himself was claiming my soul. Oh, God, he fell to the floor? You didn't see him sneak up behind you? I was talking to you. I was engaged in our conversation. God, bizarre.

God, that was thrilling. Well, from fun to sadness. Actually, we should have played Coldplay Fix You because chocolate prices. We know this has been happening, right? For a while, chocolate prices on the rise. Cocoa shortages and everything. Global warming is affecting cocoa.

God. If they had told me that, I would have washed my recycling harder. If they had told me I was going to unpack chocolate. You might have tried. I would have said to Taylor Swift, hey man,

eight minutes in a private jet's insane. That's what I would have said if I'd known chocolate was going to be 10 of those. Also, it's Taylor Swift's fault. Chocolate's going up. Actually, it's a direct low. It's good to have a scapegoat, isn't it?

It is. So the average price of a 250 gram chocolate bar. So what's that? Is that a Cadbury, not a Whittaker's? What's a Whittaker's? 500. 400. No.

500. Look, it's not half a kg, is it? No, that seems insane. I didn't eat half a kg of chocolate yesterday. Yeah, that seems insane. Oh, no, no. That seems insane. It's not the same as a piece of chocolate yesterday. Yeah, that seems insane. That seems insane. It's not the same as a block of butter. 350?

Which I also ate yesterday. Yeah, same. I ate the butter and it wasn't enough, so then I just had the Whittaker's. Okay, so yeah, a Whittaker's block is 250 grams. Okay, so there's your Whittaker's block. So I'm actually allowed two whole blocks now because I've already sold myself for eating 500 grams of chocolate.

So you just girl math chocolate. The average price of a 250 gram chocolate bar in New Zealand has increased 17% just from last year alone

all day. Yes, wow. With predictions it'll reach 10 bucks a bar in six years. Oh, 2031.

Everything's going to be everything's going to be melted by then. Everything's going to be ruined. $10 blocks of chocolate. They won't even be chocolate. We'll be living in a post-apocalyptic world. We'll be happy to find an old tin of tuna.

We'll be eating rats. We're going to be living in trees and trying to escape marauders. It's going to be Mad Max, bitch. $10 a block. And we'll find a block and we'll be like. And then we'll all gather in a circle and fight. And tear'll find a block and they'll be like. And they will all gather in a circle and fight and tear each other's

flesh apart. The only survivor gets the block of chocolate. And do you think you'll be like, ooh, it's white. And then open it

and it's white and you're like. Well, rinse it under a hot tap. Yeah. Show chocolate of choice, Whitakers. Second only to Mr. Beast

still. This is nuts. He needs to stop that. Mr. Beast chocolate is appalling. Anyway, Whitakers have said. Mr. Beast Still He needs to stop that Mr. Beast chocolate is appalling Mr. Beast chocolate Wash it down with a prime I'm a man of a slightly higher taste They have had to

Because of the cocoa shortages they've had to rise their costs And also remember they Diversified their cocoa sauce Remember they were like because we've got to get it from other things So they couldn't say it was like pure Ghana Chocolate they were like, because we've got to get it from other things, so they couldn't say it was like pure Ghana chocolate. They're like with a dribble of Brazil or something.

But they said, I love a dribble of Brazil. I'll have a dribble or a drizzle of Brazil. A glazing of Brazil. Are you drizzling Brazil on my Ghana? I'm not mad about that.

I'm not mad at all. I'll pay more than $10 a block, that's for sure. They say that they have to, because they want to maintain the ethical sourcing and quality. Right. They've got to keep up. Well, the thing is, people are going to pay it, right?

I'll pay it. I don't think you can call them ethnicals anymore. I don't. Oh, my garnet drizzle. Just because chocolate comes from, you know, in the bout there, I don't like to call anybody ethnical. No, that's right. But anyway, so prepare yourself.

If like today, me, you've got a twinge and you're right over and you're in a bad mood and the only thing that's going to fix it is a big bar of chocolate, get ready to pay up. Well, maybe we can give you... Still worth it. Oh, yeah. Or you drop $6 on a coffee piece of cake. That thing's gone in 10 seconds.

Block of chocolate, you're going to get more enjoyment. 15 seconds. Do you know what I just realised? Fletcher's been sitting on a triple pack of almond gold in the locker. Yeah. chocolate, you're going to get more enjoyment. 15 seconds. Do you know what I just realised? Fletch has been sitting on a triple pack of almond gold in the locker. Yeah. Shit yeah, it could be almond gold day. It's almond gold day. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Millie Bobby Brown played Eleven when she was eleven, right? On Stranger Things. Fantastic. Incredible actress, lovely person, just got married. How do you know she's a lover? Do you know her?

I've known her my whole life. She seems like a very nice person. She does. I've heard some podcast interviews. She's British. And she's married to Bon Jovi's son. Yes. Yeah.

John Bon Jovi. John Jovi Jr. John Bon Jovi. Beyond Jovi. John Bon Jovi Jr. So her name is Millie Bobby Brown, John B. Jones-Giovi. Yeah, Millie Bobby, John B. Jones-Giovi. She's put Brown at the end.

Now, she has taken to her social media because she is sick to death. She's had her guts full. She's 21 now. She's 21. She's 21 years old. She's an adult. She can legally buy an alcoholic beverage in America. And she's taken to her own social media to

speak out against the way that she's being treated. Because she has got this new look, right? That people have commented on. She's got a little bit of filler in the lips. She's got a little bit of boobies in her dresses. You know, she is a woman now. And she's sick of people

making comments about it. And she said this. Hi everyone, it's Millie. I want to take a moment to address something that i think is bigger than just me something that affects every young woman who grows up under public scrutiny i started in the industry when i was 10 years old i grew up in front of the world and for some reason people can't seem to grow up with me instead they act like i'm supposed to stay frozen in time, like I should still look the way I did on Stranger Things season one. And because I don't, I'm now a target. I want to talk about some of the articles that have recently released while I'm on my press tour and some of the writers who are so desperate to tear young women down. One article reads, why are Gen Zers like Millie Bobby Brown aging so badly?

Written by Lydia Hawkins. What has Millie Bobby Brown done to her face? Written by John Eli. Millie Bobby Brown mistaken for someone's mama as she guides younger sister Ava through LA. Written by Cassie Carpenter. Another article reads, Little Britain's Matt Lucas takes savage swipe at Millie Bobby Brown's new mummy makeover look, written by Bethann Edwards. Amplifying an insult rather than questioning why a grown man is mocking a young woman's appearance. This isn't journalism, this is bullying. The fact that adult writers are spending their time dissecting my face, my body, my choices is disturbing. And the fact that some of these articles are written by women makes it even worse.

Wow. I mean, well spoken. She pulls out the journalists. That's an edited down version. You can watch the whole thing on her Instagram. Jo did that hum in the background. I assume she recorded it inside an old Frigidaire refrigerator. An old fridge.

The air con was on. The garage fridge. Yeah. You know, it's always a bit noisy. But it is, as a father of, you know, teen girls and pre-teen girls, like I watched it and I was just like, she's fantastic. Yeah. She's just, she's about to finish Stranger Things.

Yeah. Where she has been playing a child, even though now she's 21 as she wrapped up season five and still playing like a teenager, like at early teens. She's looking to shake that image and she's just like engaging adulthood. Totally. And everyone's like, wait a minute, that child. It happens all the time, right?

You look at Disney stars. We were just talking about this off the air. Oh, they've got to have a breakout. They just do it like Miley Cyrus, but also Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez. They want to shake it off because they want to

move on with their careers as adult women and they go, well, the biggest way I can do this is to go, yeah, I've got boobies and I'm... Yeah, I don't have to

maintain the fact that I'm 13 now because I'm not 13 because that show that I'm on is because I'm not 13 because that show that I'm on is finished it's time for me to be an adult

and they become an adult and everyone's like I don't know about this at all so she mentioned Matt Lucas Little Britain star he posted a photo

of Vicky Pollard oh yeah so I guess yeah yeah but no or something with that but he's come out and apologised

like five hours ago. So he was comparing Millie Bobby Brown to Vicky Pudder. Yeah, because everyone was saying she looked like a mum. Yeah. She's just got her hair up and a lot of make-up on. Yeah, she started wearing adult make-up. Yeah, she's finding herself as an adult. Anyway, good for her.

I actually think, I mean, I do prefer. Oh, imagine if you were the journalist. I know. I do prefer when celebrities make social media, direct to social media videos that they learn it. You know, it felt a bit red. Oh, like you're saying she's an actor. Wasn't the original one eight minutes long? Yeah.

She wanted to make sure she hit all her points. She had a little script and bullet points behind. That's fair. I would have run that thing straight through ChatGPT. She's significantly better than me. I'd be like, dear ChatGPT, I am being critically criticised before growing up and becoming an adult. I need to absolutely hit the internet.

Yeah, totally. With a thing, please prepare me a speech. Shorter, more passionate. Shorter, again, make it longer. Do you know what will achieve what she wants to achieve? She needs a young YouTuber to sit in front of a sheet and cry and say, leave Millie Bobby Brown alone and cry. Iconic.

Under the sheet. Leave Millie Bobby Brown alone. Babes of the Board is next. Oh, yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Babes of the Board. Well, this is our search for the sexiest board game character out there. It all started because you played Guess Who.

They sexed up the Guess Who characters. Yeah. Much to my disgust. You flip them down, you're like, I don't want to be aroused. Well, flicking them. No. And sometimes, I don't want to put them down. Not just about an attractive board game character,

but maybe an energy of a piece. Yeah, exactly. That's the main thing that's been overlooked in a lot of these situations. Like the mousetrap basket out first round. Yeah, you were upset. But yeah, we put the call out. What should be in our round robin playoffs? You know I've been campaigning hard for the Hungry Hippo.

I haven't looked at the results, so I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I'm on edge. Okay, well, the results have come through. Babes of the board round Miss Scarlet versus Professor Plum, the Cluedo Showdown. And Professor Plum, he's had a glow-up as well. So has Miss Scarlet.

She's always been a bit of a... Hut, hut, hut. Hotty-potty, but she's had a modern makeover. Professor Plum takes her out. Takes it. 48% of people voted for Miss Scarlet. 52% voted for Professor Plum. Close.

Smashingly close. Okay, okay. Smashingly close. He's through to the final? He's through to the final, and he will be going up against, it was Hungry Hippo versus Monopoly Man. Come on, come on. I reckon Sugar Daddy took it out. Monopoly Man. Come on. Come on. I reckon Sugar Daddy took it out.

Monopoly Man takes it out. Yeah. 66% to 34%. She's literally a hungry, curvy girl gobbling up balls. I mean, I don't know how to... What do you want from her? What's hotter? Yeah, Monopoly Man taking out that round, which means it will be Professor Plum versus Mr. Monopoly in the final. Or will it?

What? You can go to our FEHZM Instagram account right now and let us know who should be the wildcards. Yeah, wildcards. Because we might just chuck a wildcard in there. Because you know what? This is what they do on all these reality shows. They do it on Love Island.

They do it on American Idol, X Factor. We're doing it on Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. So we're adding one person and it will be a three-way final. So we want you to know, and you know what? I'm going to get behind Bill. The original Bill from Guess Who. You want to see big Bill back in the... Round face, ginger goatee. Burst capillaries.

Burst capillaries. I want to see him in the final. You're advocating for Bill? I'm advocating for Bill. So you just leave us a suggestion on the comment box and there will be a wild card up against Mr. Monopoly and Professor Plum. Sexy new Professor Plum. And a wild card. Come Mr. Monopoly and Professor Plum. Sexy new Professor Plum.

And a wild card. Come on, she's gobbling them. You want the Hungry Hippo back in this stage of the game. I want the Hungry Hippo back. Tell her to not even leave the villa. She doesn't need to pack her bag yet. She might as well stay. Wait.

The final's tomorrow. Just don't go anywhere. Just wait. All right, so tomorrow we're going to find out who our wild card is. And then we will tomorrow start the voting for our final for Babes of the Board. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. I'm just reading the time on this embargo. Time embargoed 10am today.

So David, you can leave. Sorry. Well, I knew it was 10am. So the NZ Comedy Fest launch is today, meaning the whole programme is out. You can buy tickets to see everyone. Well, at 10. At 10.

At 10. At 10. Embargoed. Apparently we're immune to embargo. Oh, my God. Are we? Because when we were kids, we got the vaccination. Oh, perfect.

Right. For the New Zealand Comedy Fest embargo, which means we can't catch it, so we're about to. Well, we can say that David Stewart, Billy T nominee he's in studio good morning I'm here

thank you thank you for having me Oh you're so welcome by the way he's Scottish I don't know you've got to sort of preface it because everyone's like

what's that? What's happened there? No what do you mean what's that? Scottish isn't a horrendously unfamiliar accent Well people do often

mistake me for other things Oh my Oh sorry What do they mistake you for other things. Go on, run to the mic. Oh, sorry. What do they mistake you for? Well, Irish quite often. But I think it's because my accent is sort of northern Scottish. So when they hear Scottish in the media and such,

it's Glasgow and I'm not from there. No. Yeah, you're not like rough Scottish. Not rough. Well, don't say that. One of the loveliest voices I've ever heard. Thank you. Come on, listen to that. Honestly.

You could read books and I would listen. Oh, you could read? Relaxing, relaxing books. Relaxing. Relax, relax. You've put me in a... A thriller or whatever you want. A thriller.

So, David Stewart, we're breaking our embargo to announce that, I mean, everyone knows you're a Billy T nominee. Everybody knows. Everybody. If you don't know, where have you been? Where have you been? But also, you've got a show in the company. I've got a show, The Immortal Legacy of Me.

Which is, one of my favourite things about you is, I don't want to say it's an inflated sense of self. Well, it's not inflated. I mean, it's very much grounded in the now and the real, you know. But your true belief in yourself that you are an incredible, immense talent and famous man. Yes. I mean, it's just that no one knows yet. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? You're incredibly famous, but just no one knows you. No one has any idea. But when they see me, they're like, he's right. He's so right. What's the show about? So, well, the show is about just that. It's about being, you know, a criminally unappreciated,

unknown global cultural phenomenon. But it's also about, you know, it's also about resilience. Let's get a serious topic in there because that's what everybody wants. Well, you know resilience at the moment. You're recently unemployed. Oh, don't say that. No, I can't talk about that. It's too traumatising.

And the cat died. Let's throw all that in as well. I recently had two cats die and a dog. Gosh, it's an epidemic, isn't it? And while we're here... It's dying before humans? Three of my grandparents have passed away. No.

Yeah, but not in recent... Oh, I'm sorry. All of mine as well. He's got none left. I've got three grandparents gone as well. Gosh, this is quite depressing. This is... We didn't preface this by saying this is our launch.

Gone? No, they're all gone. All of them? Guys, we're launching the comedy fest. What are you doing? What have we done? Well, have we single-handedly used our power to precede embargo to sink the comedy fest? No one's going to go.

How did we do this? How did we do that? I'm absolutely gutted. People will be like, I thought David Stewart was a Billy T-nom, meaning that he's guaranteed, this is the thing with the nominations, guaranteed to be funny. Don't make me do it. I won't.

Guaranteed to be funny, but now they're like, he's a miserable old Scotsman. He's a miserable is he a goth? I mean what's happening? What's going on? Why is he so sad? Where are you playing?

I'm so in Wellington I'm in Te Auha and in Auckland I'm in

Kew Theatre in the Vault. I always mix up all the room names but I mean if you go there you'll find me. You'll find me just have a listen out for

Have a listen for my wonderful voice. Look for a poster. I designed the poster myself because I'm recently unemployed. Had a go at Canva. It's rubbish. But it'll do the job. Canva! Canva's

great, but the poster itself. When you see the poster you'll be like why is that poster so terrible but just remember that you know I'm an unemployed starving artist with no money

and I tried it myself but what but you're an unemployed artist but what do you call yourself criminally criminally and oh wait what do I call myself I am criminally

what is the word underappreciated I say it all the time criminally unappreciated pre-celebrity David Stewart pre-ally unappreciated pre-celebrity David Stewart. Pre-celebrity David Stewart. Pre-celebrity David Stewart.

That's the brand. Love it. Love it. So there's like everyone there's lots of comedians that have shows. I've got a show.

You've got a show. I've got a show. Yes. Did you hear she's got a website now? Do you? HayleySproul.com HayleySproul.com

Are there little web games? Little JavaScript games? Yeah yeah they can play Minesweeper. You should have a Minesweeper tab down the bottom. You should have a little dress-up game. David Stewart, you need a website. Why do I need a website?

Because you criminally underappreciated global phenomenon superstar David Stewart. Yeah, I know. He's incredibly famous, but just no one knows it yet. It would be too depressing to look at the traffic. Do you know what I mean? Like absolutely zero visitors, just me. Checking it over and over again, updating my blog.

There are so many amazing comedians, David being one of them, who are performing the comedy festival. Go and see, particularly the Billy T. Noms. Yes. They're amazing. But particularly me though.

Particularly David Stewart, criminally underappreciated. Billy T. Noms, particularly you. Yes, but also the others are also very talented. But you know, I need the money.

Yeah. Come and see me. And his cat died. And my cat died. I mean, if anything. He died with my grandparents as well. Yeah. So from 10am today,

comedyfestival.co.nz for all your tickets. David, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, you're so welcome. Thank you so much for having me. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. All right, I got a question for you guys.

When you work at the airport, like I'm not talking when you work at the airport, I'm not talking about the people who work at the security, I'm not talking about the people who work in the baggage handle, I'm talking about the person that works at the McDonald's on the other side of the customs plate. You know, you go through security. Where is this coming from?

I went through an airport recently. Yeah. And I was by myself. Okay. So I didn't have you being like, come on, come on. Oh my God. Let's get to the gate.

Oh my God. Vaughn sent us a video of him walking to the gate really slowly and Hayley and I in the group chat were just like, what are you doing? I pulled over so that I didn't cause a crash.

From rage. I didn't have anybody being like, hurry up. You airported by yourself. Yeah, and I went and I went and sat in the lounge and I just chilled out and I put my feet up and a couple of people looked at me like, you shouldn't have your feet up and anybody been like, hurry up. You airported by yourself. Yeah, and I went and I went and sat in the lounge and I just chilled out and I put my feet up

and a couple of people looked at me like, you shouldn't have your feet up. And I was like, a smoking in there? A smoking inside? In a cigar? Yeah, as I said, it's a lounge. Surely this is where you smoke your cigars. And then when it was like bing bong flight,

I was like, yeah, let them rush. And I did it and I waited there until a couple more times. And then I just casually walked to the gate. And I didn't have to wait in a big, long, dumb line. But I saw on my dawdle to the gate, it really dawned on me that some people's job is working at the airport. Yes. Like retail. But not working for the airport.

Yeah. Working at the. Duty free. Even the duty free, I'm like, yeah, but they've got to go through security, right? No, but do they go through security like everybody else? I think they've got their own ones. That's what I want to know. You don't see McDonald's workers in their uniforms before you.

And because they don't have a passport. Unless you have to have a passport to work at McDonald's airport. But you have to go through customs? No. You've got to go through the scanty gates? And then they make them go down with the beagles to go home. Yeah, and then they smell like McDonald's, so the beagles, of course, are going to be like,

I want nuggies. Okay, so what's your question? Well, how do they get in and out of work, people at the airport? How does it all work? Okay. Do you have to scan your passport in the thing and go through? No, I think they've got, they just have an ID. Do they have an electric tag on them?

So if they try to make a run for a plane, something sets off and they're like. Do they have a chip implanted? Is that what you're asking? Do airport workers have a chip? Yeah, you can get those things, those invisible dog fences, and the dog's got a microchip, and it gives them a shock when they go out of the zone.

How do they get the water in? How do they get the McDonald's patties in? Because I've never seen at the airport scanners. And how do they get the rubbish out? Oh, yeah, good question. Because you could smuggle stuff into the country through the rubbish. Right. Wait.

Oh. What? Someone said there's an underground tunnel system at the LA airport. No. A what? LA airport. Right. Wait. Oh. What? Someone said there's an underground tunnel system at the LA airport. No! A what? LA airport. Yeah.

And in the tunnel system, their own Starbucks. In the tunnel system? What? What? Who's working the coffee machine? Who's working the tunnel? That's even weirder that you're working in the system

that serves the system that works behind the security. That's what I wanna know, how do they get in? How do they get all the stuff in? Okay system that works behind the security. Right. That's what I want to know. How do they get in? How do they get all the stuff in? Okay, so you need- If someone works at the airport, I want them to call up. Okay, so you want to hear from people this morning that have worked at airports.

On the other side of security. Okay, how do you get in? How do you get in? How does everything get in? What do you need to do? Yep. And let's plan an Ocean's 11. And do you need a passport?

Let's do a heist. No, we're not Ocean's 11-ing it Fletch is panicking He's freaking out Looking at me like Please don't plan a heist on here You know How badly that went last time

You know the complaints We get from people They think you're Serious sometimes Well they've called the cops They've called the cops They're like Arrest them

Pre-heist Yeah Pre-heist I want to know What it's like working On the other side of the barrier So if you work On the other side of security

I've got questions I would like to talk to you 0800.ZM Text him Because I know A lot of people Are calling him For secret sound

Too early for secret sound I may say See you at 802 What's it like What do you do What's the protocol Tell me what it's like Working on the other side

Of the security Vaughan's got a million Questions for you Well I Had What's the protocol? Tell me what it's like working on the other side of the security. Vaughan's got a million questions for you. Well, I had a query for the people listening about what it's like working on the other side of security at the airport. Because there's people in there that are just like doing jobs that you can do out here. But they're doing it in there. And you don't see them going through security. Nah. How'd they get there?

Oh, we've heard a message from someone who worked at the currency exchange. Yes. I know. That was very interesting, wasn't it? What did they say? They worked for the currency exchange. They would go in generally before everybody. I mean, you have to get a security check before you start working on the airside. Is that what it's called, airside?

Passport, police check, et cetera. Then you get an ID card. If it's busy, there's a separate security queue that staff can use. I started pre-international doors opening for passengers, like 3 a.m. I generally started. So went through the normal queue, x-ray, the same shebang.

Got stopped for drug swabs a lot more as a staff member on airside than as a passenger. Because that would be, you'd take a job in retail and be like, you're taking the drugs through and then you're like leaving them and then someone else is picking them up and taking them. Aren't those swabs explosives?

No, they're all different ones. Or do they do separate different ones? Some of the ones they do run over your bag. Those ones are drugs. Yeah. No, those are explosives. One of the things that are explosives was they just run a lighter under your bag. Yeah.

They make you hold it, shake it, and then they put a lighter under it. Watch your eyes Yeah Watch the white of your eyes And how much you sweat There's also tunnels But I never use them We just carry the cash

In non-destruct baggies That were locked to our wrists Where are these tunnels? In New Zealand What got tunnels? Well somebody said I'm pretty sure there's an underground tunnel system At the Christchurch airport

But there's no confirmation From anybody that's ever worked there Okay There's a separate security screening for airport workers, airline crew and contractors. Goods such as duty-free, food in stores, goods in retail all go through an X-ray and bulk screening. It's a logistical nightmare.

Even the baggage handlers and the tug drivers, not tug boats, those little cars that pull the planes out, go through screening. For construction workers like myself, we go through screening many times a day. Every time we go airside, sometimes you can go through 15 to 20 times. And they're like, oh, you can't take your hammer.

And you're like, actually, I can. Actually, I can. Because I'm constructing. Because I'm constructing. What am I going to do? Punch it with my fist? No, I need a hammer. I'm going to punch a nail in.

That's why they always look so tough. Somebody said, next time you're there, keep an eye out for the different coloured ID cards. Red, yellow indicate permission to for the different coloured ID cards. Red, yellow indicate permission to access different... Purple and green. Purple and orange. Orange and blue. I can see a rainbow.

Sing a rainbow. Where do you start it? Sing a rainbow too. I wish David Stewart was still here to tell us that. Listen with your eyes. What do they mean different things? Listen with your eyes and see everything you see. I started that.

I can see a rainbow. See a rainbow. Sing a rainbow to me. Okay. Are we done? I think you went too far. I think so. I do wish David Stewart was here to do that.

He'd just do that in his lovely soft voice. Red and yellow. I think so. I do wish David Stewart was here to do that. Just do that in his lovely sun horse. Red and yellow. Pink and blue. I once worked out giving samples of vodka on the duty-free side. I went through security in a separate line with an ITT. And now, because you know this old saying, one on the grounds with two on the airside. That's right.

Imagine giving them, be like, there you go, do you want to try that? Yep. Chin-chin. Play ZM's Fleshchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. We've started at eight o'clock hour quite hot. Yeah. I think we're just sort of, I'll try to ease out of it, but it's a hot start with Luke there.

I've got a bit of a situation. That's French for situation Oh yeah sorry God it just slips in and out Bilingual All the by's Can you say that you're bilingual If you did French for like one year at high school

I did it for four years thank you Before I faked having laryngitis To get up doing my speech And then I just dropped out Okay Okay so kind of bilingual Bonjour madame Wait you're telling me once upon a time You opted out of talking Yeah Okay, so kind of bilingual. Bonjour, madame.

Wait, you're telling me once upon a time you opted out of talking. Yeah, because it was in French and I couldn't be bothered. Oh, you had to do the speech in French. Yeah, yeah, in French class. It's still wild because I would have thought you would have wanted detention. One day you woke up and you were like, today I don't want to talk. Never in my life. I'll tell you when that happens, but no. Not yet.

It wasn't that day and it's not today. So my parents are coming up to stay with me for five nights, my mum and dad. I've got a few things. My dad's going to that concert on the weekend.

Yeah, I know that you're parents, but that's almost verging on too long. Three days is perfect. No. What can I get on with my, Chris Stapleton? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Stapleton. You just said that yeah, yeah. Chris Stapleton.

You just said that concert. There's going to be a lot of cowboy hats and big belts and jeans and R.M. Williams in Auckland. I would put my dad in a cowboy outfit, but he's a handsome fellow. And people from Christchurch saying, God, there's a lot of Asian people up here. Yeah, you probably hear a bit of that around.

I reckon you might hear a bit of that around. Oh, I don't know how to say those Maori-shrink heads. I know you're joking, but I've literally heard that on Queen Street. Dude, I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I literally heard someone say that like two months ago. Oh, God. Yep.

Okay, anyway. Grow up. Get a new opinion. Anyway, so my parents are up for that, but they'll come to hang out with their beloved daughter. Their favourite. Their favourite daughter. Their favourite child.

But I'm not going home today. After this, I've got to go to rehearsal for my show, and then I've got a gig tonight, so I'm not going to be. After this, I've got to go to rehearsal for my show and then I've got a gig tonight. So I'm not going to be home until like later in the day and my parents arrive quite shortly and will be heading to my home where I've left a key out for them. Okay.

And the house is all tidy. Where's the key? I nearly said it. Are they? It's so easy to know where I live. Oh God. Are they? Then I was like, it's so easy to know where I live. Oh, God. Are they? She's got security cameras, by the way, before you go and start.

I've got four security cameras. And now that brand is also tied into the Chinese government. So not only is Hayley watching, also the Chinese government are watching. Her house is very safe. Very safe. Are they hiring a car? No, I've got my temporary car and I've got my old car. They will Uber to your house. They will Uber to my house

where my old car should be waiting for them and a key to get them in. That's bad daughter making her parents Uber in Russia. Yeah. It's a lot of money. I'm happy to leave. Go get them. Happy to leave now and go get them. I'll go get them. Okay. Alright, Vaughn's off. So Fletch, what my situation is.

Thank you. See ya. I thinkletch, what my situation is. Okay, yeah. Thank you. See you. I think they're in New Zealand. Bye. Bye. My situation is that I did everything last night, got everything kind of ready to go. And Aaron's away at the moment.

Yeah. And I thought to myself that maybe because my parents are going to be staying for the next five days, maybe I would, before I went to sleep, relax a little bit. Okay. You know what I mean? What with a personal massage? With a personal massage.

Okay. From the bathroom. Yeah. Which I placed on my nightstand and proceeded not to bother and fall asleep. That's sad. Yeah. It was late. I always get a little bit sad when someone misses an opportunity to relax.

But what I have realised this morning as we were planning the show is that is still on the nightstand. Oh, where they will be sleeping. Where they will be entering. No, no, no, not in there, but in my bedroom where you kind of enter the back of the house through our bedroom. So I am going to need to message my mother and say, hey, hey, girl.

I've just left my personal massager Pro 2 on the bedside table next to my bed. Chuck that in the bedside table just before you bed. Yep. Chuck that in the bedside table just before the day. No, they're just going to go through the bedroom. They're not even going to look.

It's not hard to... I don't think they'll notice. But they're not going to... They... Don't worry about it. Okay. Don't worry about it. Because it's not...

You've got liberal parents. You didn't grow up with conservative Christian parents. This is why I happily text my mum and say, can you move the SP2? Just leave it there.

She doesn't want to be touching your SP Pro 2. It's clean. It's clean. It wasn't used. It didn't bother. It didn't bother. It's weirder to ask you to touch it than it is to just ask you to ignore it.

Yeah, that's what I think. It's weird. Is it weirder? It's weirder. It's weirder to get hit. But what if my father's like, I recognise that. Why is he ferreting around in your room? I think they're not ferreters.

It's an in and out deck to the floor of the deck. Did they go through the other one? Did they go through the other door to the deck? I don't, yeah. I've they're not fairies. In and out deck to the floor of the deck. Did they go through the other one? Did they go through the other door to the deck? I don't, yeah. I've given them the key to that one. I don't think parents don't like being in our bedrooms. We liked being in theirs when we were kids. Were you allowed in your parents' bedroom growing up?

Yeah. We were not allowed in there. You know why? It's because the SP Pro won. Wall powered. Which was wall powered. Wall powered. Well, actually steam powered in the Wall powered. Which was wall powered. Wall powered. Well, actually steam powered in the 80s.

It was steam powered. Hand cramped. Okay, so it's not a worry. This is good to know. You'll be fine. Good to know, not to worry. You'll be fine. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley.

This is an article. Okay. This is an article labelled, this bedtime habit took my husband and I back to our honeymoon phase. Now I hit click immediately. We all long for that phase. Is it going to separate beds? No.

Is it having two twin beds in a hotel room next to each other and not sleeping in the same bed and just watching TV? Yeah, and then pretending to call the reception and be like, well, we ordered a king, but we sent her two queens. Yeah, I'm so disappointed. No, no, don't bother. We're here now. We're already unpacked.

So I clicked this link right thinking that it's going to give me some kind of extreme manoeuvre, something I might read about in an ancient. A manoeuvre of sorts. Yes, some kind of ancient Indian book. Some kind of move, you know. Do you know what it was? Sex therapists agree, relationship therapists agree, and couples agree,

pashing. Oh. Well, pashing is named after passion. Pashing. Just the good old fashion hookup. Yeah. Good pash. Can't get past it.

Yeah. And you, like, you've got to be able to pash. You've got to be able to pash. And I think definitely the longer you're together, this is why it's taking you back to the early days when all we did was pash,

is you stop after a while. It becomes a bit transactional when you kiss. That's my kiss. How was your day? How was your day? Love you. Like that. No lingering loitering.

We're having a session, a little session. And they're talking about the session, having a little pash sesh. It makes you feel very intimately connected, and it doesn't even have to lead to the full, you know, bounty. Lead to feeling intimately connected without actually doing it. Could it lead to something unexpected? We don't know.

And then that thing that's unexpected feels authentic. And that's the thing that's harder to get later in your relationships. Increases intimacy outside of the bedroom. There's a million ways. There's a million reasons to try it. If you have been in a long-term relationship for a long time. Well, you've been in a long-term relationship. Yeah.

Do you just want to go home and be like, I know Aaron's away at the moment. Aaron's away, but when he comes home, I'm going to do this. Hey, how was your trip? Good. He'll be like, what the hell? He'll be like, what are you doing? God, did you just eat something funny? What are you doing? Probably something like that.

It's probably more realistic. I kind of like a garlic pish. Do you? It's like eating and kissing. And it's two of my favourite things. Two of your favourite things? Garlic and like eating and kissing. And it's two of my favourite things. Garlic and women. Or peshing someone that's just had a whiskey and a cig. Yeah. Disgusting.

I'm back. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day's fart week here at Fact of the Day And my daughter last night said to me, what's tomorrow's fart fact? i told her and she said you've got to mind your own business yeah did you say listen to find out yeah if i if i had kids and i went home they started asking me questions

i'd be like back off yeah just like shut up shut it i love them dearly. Fletch for an early 6 till 9 o'clock. If you want to listen, listen. Or the podcast after school. On iHeartRadio. Back off. That's what I would have said. You would have said that. Did you say that?

No, I didn't. I told her and she said, you've got to save that for Friday. Oh. Oh. So now she's running the show. She's running the show. The headline fact. The headline fact.

She's like, you've got to save that for Friday. And I was like, do you think so? And she's like, absolutely. Oh my god, great. You're going to say that for Friday. Find another one for tomorrow. Stay tuned. Stay tuned until Friday. Stay tuned for Friday's fact about farts. So today's fact of the day about farts is

the oldest recorded joke is traced back to 1900 BC and it's a fart joke. But it is universally agreed that it's lost all its meaning and it's not very funny. Great, great. Okay.

It's a Sumerian joke. Sumerians live in now what we would identify on a map as southern Iraq, and it's inscripted, it's been translated and it reads such. Something which has never occurred since time immemorable. No, I've said the word wrong. Something which has never occurred since time immemorable. A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. Well, that's not funny.

Explain it because I can't. And I've looked for an explanation. I'm like, someone explain this. And the general consensus is we've lost something in it. Right. Through translation of time. Through translation in time, we've lost something in it. Say it again.

Something which has never happened since time immemorial. Immemorable. No. Immemorial. Immemorial. A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. So obviously back in the day, the young women were always farting in their husband's laps.

Were they always sitting on their laps? Immemorial is originating in the distant past or very old. Right. So something that didn't happen. Something which has never occurred since the beginning of time, basically. Something that has never happened since the beginning of time. Okay, Something that has never happened since the beginning of time. A young woman did not fart in her lap. Women don't fart in their husband's laps.

But it's a joke, so it's indicating that they do a lot. I'll tell you what's never happened before. A woman's or Sheila's never farted in her hubby's lap. It doesn't even work if you put it into layman's terms. No, I put it into layman's terms. And I've looked for like, I even found this. Do you know what?

I'm doing a gig tonight, which is all you can do is new material. You could do the oldest material known to man as new material. You've got to try new jokes. It's got to be fresh stuff. We've got seven minutes. I could banter around this. Right. Hey, hey, hey, classic. How are you feeling tonight?

Good, good, good. You guys, how are you going? Nice, nice, nice. Tell you what, something that has never happened. What is it? Since the beginning of time. Since the beginning of time. You wouldn't fart in your husband's lap, would you?

And I'll just pop. It'll pop. It'll pop out. I don't know if it will. I don't know if it will. Do you want to know some of the oldest, other recorded, oldest jokes? Knock, knock. There's a 1600 BC Egyptian joke.

Jesus, I'm back. That's a good joke. That's a good one. You should do that one tonight. Flawless. I'm proud of that. Okay, go. It's an Egyptian. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish. Oh, yikes. I don't get it. It's not like... The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th century and what hangs at a man's

thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's poked before? A willy. A key. Oh, so the joke is that you think he's talking about a willy. You think he's leading you one way and then... Comedy Fest 10 BC must have sucked. I'll be honest. We've come a long way. We were obviously... Tickets on sale at 10 o'clock this morning for and then... Comedy Fest 10 BC must have sucked, I'll be honest. Like, we've come a long way.

We were obviously tickets on sale at 10 o'clock this morning for this year's Comedy Fest. Oh, my God, yeah. It's just, it is funny. But... Not then... So you imagine the first Comedy Fest. People are like, so what's the...

Yeah. What is the word that's the festival of... Yeah. They're like, oh, we're going to get up and tell jokes. We sort of want to make you... You know that thing where you feel warm and joyful and your tummy goes. That. We want to consciously make you do that.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I'll give it a go. And then some guy gets up and says, hey, since time began. Hey, since time began. Rodney Dangerfield's there for some reason. Since time began. A woman's never farted in a man's lap.

And someone's like, hmm, something to contemplate. So today's fact of the day is the oldest recorded joke is a fart joke that, I don't know, I don't get, man. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- That is what real friends do. And I think you can hear it coming through on this show. Hear it, make a wish. We have a young Vaughn Smith here. Hi.

Who's been going through a bit of a tough time. Hi, Hayley. Tell us your wish. I can't say it. I can't say it. Okay, guys. I have, we digress. I have received an email from a listener.

And I'm just going to read it out. This is funny. This is great. I'm just going to read it out because it really made me tickle. I love that the sign after this is XOXO. Hee hee bye. Hey team, as a very long time listener, first time emailer. Oh, gawesome.

Gawesome. I'm hoping that you can give me some advice. Recently I started seeing a new man and he has a tendency to leave his mark on me after we've had a little hanky panky. Oh goodness. A hickey. A hickey from canicke. Oh goodness hanky-panky. Oh, goodness. A hickey. A hickey from Kinnickay. Goodness, I wasn't thinking hickey. No.

Right. I don't mind them, and he's pretty good at keeping them low enough that I can cover them. But last week, my manager, similar in age to me, pointed out that I had one and I couldn't gauge whether or not that was a telling off or not.

I work in a pretty corporate office, and my gals group chat has varied opinions on it if that's work appropriate. From whether or not your manager gets a say over how you look to one friend just downright saying she'd be embarrassed to be with me if I had one. Please give me your thoughts. I don't want to lose my job.

Lol. XOXO. Hehe. Bye. Okay. Do you know, as a reformed hickey haver. Yeah. When was your last one?

Because sometimes it is accidentally. Hickey giver or hickey haver? Haver. Sometimes they just accidentally happen. Aaron's accidentally given me one, but that's not been a huge thing. I, once I had a uno night standacio. Oh, yep. Okay.

Si, si, si, si, si, si. I'm softening the language. Okay. And the next morning, I called a taxi home. This is how long ago it was. Called a taxi home and I had been like

walking down the street, hailing a cab, getting the taxi. Walking past the newsboy, he's like, hey, yeah, Rita, Rita. Extra, extra.

You're like, don't you? It was the town crying. Newspapers and no Uber. Wow, when was this 18 1806 it was a while back

and I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror it was the first time I'd seen myself that day and I had an absolute necklace oh no

oh my god no and I think that might have been my last time that I had to like actively try to cover them the necklace the hickey necklace

someone had to put their mind to that hickeys accidentally have to be in a necklace, the Hickey necklace, someone had to put their mind to that. Hickey's accidentally had a bit of one. One's an accident. A necklace. You're lining them up. You're doing the whole thing. But I had to go to work and I can't remember if I wore like a

skivvy. And a scarf. And it was definitely like warm. January. And then you like rammed on a whole bunch of concealer which makes it look worse. Yeah. I January. And then you like rammed on a whole bunch of concealer, which makes it look worse. Yeah. I think. And then when I, so some advice for our listener,

when I was performing overseas in the military tattoos, one of the girls in my marching team was a makeup artist and all the soldiers from the night before would come into our dressing room and go, be like, Nicole, Nicole, and get her to cover the hickey so they didn't get told off by their sergeants. And you've got to put the colour neutraliser on it. You know the colour wheel? So when it's purple, you've got to go opposite and add like a yellow or a green to cover.

Why not just put a plaster on and say you got bit by a monkey? Vampire. Vampire, sorry, of course. That's another option. Way more common than a monkey. Way more. Vampire, sorry, of course. That's another option. Way more common than a monkey. Way more. They're everywhere. They're everywhere.

Well, I think our listener is asking for some advice and I think we should get some from our other listeners of like what she should do. Is a hickey inappropriate? Yes. Yes. I think we know the answer to that. If you're old enough to be employed,

you're old enough to know that that's inappropriate, right? Or should we ask whenever you had an adult hickey? Because that's pretty funny. Oh, my God, yes. Screw the advice. Babe, put a plaster on it. Yes. When did you have an adult hickey?

Keep it below the neckline. Teenager, you're like, okay, we're learning. Yeah, I mean, you see the kid at McDonald's with a plaster or a hickey. She gave us that coffee that time. That's right. What's that? That's right. She was an adult.

What's that? What's that on there? You've had a little bit time. That's right. What's that? That's right. She was an adult. What's that? What's that on my... You've had a little bit of love making last night. I would have had a quick lie on hand if I was her. I would have said I burnt myself on the steam of the coffee machine. Oh, yeah. Pfft. Why does it look like a...

Yeah, okay. I was very close. I was actually kissing the coffee machine. Yeah, he was so hungry for coffee. Hold on. When did you have an adult hickey and did someone spot it? Did you try to cover it? Or how bad did you cover it up?

Like how far did you go to cover it up? Yeah. Someone just said my husband gives me hickeys. You're married. You're married. Stop that. Dial down the passion. Stop that.

Okay, 0800DARLSATM. Give us a call. You can text her as well. 9696. When did you have an adult hickey and how did you cover it up? You got an email, Hayley. Yeah, from a listener who received a hickey and wanted to know whether or not it's very unprofessional

to go to work with a hickey. Want some advice? Definitely try to cover it up if you can. Definitely. Are hickeys as prominent now as they were in the 90s? No, they were in early 2000s. I'd say judging... But is it just because we're not in the hickey age group anymore?

I think judging by the text messages, I'd say, Vaughan, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. And this is a question we want to know. Have you had an adult hickey? Stacey, good morning. Good morning. At 28 years of age, you had an adult hickey. I did.

I did. I did. Right smack bang in the middle of my neck. Oh, God. Okay, yeah. And so you went to work with this? I did have to go to work with this. I worked in a men's prison. They wouldn't have even noticed.

Men deprived of female contact. I doubt they would have even noticed such a thing on a female. They wouldn't notice, would they? Oh, yeah, no, of course not. It was mortifying. I wore a turtleneck. This was in January. Wait, Stacey, does the Department of Corrections

have a turtleneck issue sweater or anything? Yeah. Luckily, I am a non-uniformed staff member. Oh, okay. Okay. I was like, yes. I was very thankful for my turtleneck, which was worn all week. Right.

And you know what? They're not comfortable. You know, they're restricting. Yeah. Hot. They're not. And Hayley's right. The concealer does absolutely nothing but make it worse.

It makes it worse. Because now I'm just looking at a big orange patch on the middle of your neck. And we know, yeah, you're just drawing attention to it. Yeah, you do, yeah. 100%. Wow. Yeah. So, no, not a fan of adult hippies.

No. Are there any bad boys in prison? I reckon they're all pretty bad. Yeah. I reckon they're, by definition, pretty bad. Probably the worst, yeah. But, like, the hot, naughty ones. Yeah, any hotties?

I don't know. Stacey can't say. Stacey obviously can't say. Stacey simply couldn't comment. She couldn't comment on that. Stacey, thank you for your call. But just text us privately. Text me privately.

Like how many of them are hot? Got a pen 027. Yeah. Anonymous, good morning. When did you have an adult hickey? Good morning. Hello. Hello.

I have one right now. Oh, shucks. Whereabouts on the board? On my neck, just above the T-shirt line. Oh, no. Do you work in a men's prison as well? Is this going to be awfully confronting at work today? I work in a hair studio, so I'm a hairdresser.

Oh, so close. Staring at you in the mirror all day. All day. Yes, yes. But I bridge very easily, and they just kind the mirror all day. All day. Yes, but I brood very easily and they just kind of show up like tiny little spots. They don't really look like a hickey, so I get

away with blaming them on my kids, on my toddlers. Oh, they bit me. They bit scratched. Yeah. Scratched, pulled, anything. So you're not wearing a skiddy or makeup to try to hide it? No, I am a makeup artist, but I don't bother covering them because they don't really look like them.

Amazing. Lucky, lucky. That's good. That's really good. Good for you. Anonymous, thank you for sharing. So many messages. We'll get to more of those next.

9696, when did you have an adult hickey? We want to know when you had an adult hickey. One of our listeners did, wants some advice. But we just want to know the you had an adult hickey. One of our listeners did. Wants some advice. But we just want to know the embarrassment and the shame you felt rocking a... Adult hickey. Adult hickey. 19 years married, hickeys. We still exchange hickeys multiple times a year.

No need to hide. Lean into it loud and proud, says one message. What? And then this message, this next message might be about that person. There's an adult couple in our small town that always have necklaces of hickeys, both of them, and they don't bother trying to hide them and it's just very yuck. I love that.

I've got a perfect oval birthmark on the side of my neck spent many days from ages 16 to 19 informing customers it's not a hickey whilst working at Foodtown. Oh, that'd be a pain in the balls. That's somebody else has said they've got a faded birthmark on their neck and it looks like a faded hickey, so people would think, oh, that would be the word

you'd be constantly explaining. I love this. Not an adult hickey because they were 17, but my 17-year-old waitress colleague had between five to eight on her neck one day. My manager was so annoyed,

she made her wrap her 10-inch hair around her neck like a scarf. So she just had to get her hair and go like that and wrap it around. That looks even more ridiculous. It's so stupid. Like ridiculous.

My husband's 56 and loves when I give him hickeys as it shows everyone he's still getting some, but I hate them. I got a new wetsuit and it gave me a rash either side of my neck. Oh, yeah, they do. Next day at work, everybody thought I had two hickeys. I was single at the time and it gave me a air of mystery. So I said... Yeah.

You've got to get the glide stick and put it on your neck. Bit of Vaseline. I don't know if Vas would work. Big. Big glide stick's like a... Couple of fingers of Vas. A bit thicker and stays on longer. Is it?

Yeah. Oh, I hate that. I remember these parties. One of my drunk friends thought it would be funny to give everyone hickeys at the party. It was summer and we were all teachers. What? Terrible. I thought that was a group of friends

coming together to disguise someone that shouldn't have got a hickey. Ah. You know what I mean? Someone got a hickey. So you come, I come to work with a hickey and I'm like,

oh my God, I'm going to be in so much trouble. We're like, let's all give each other hickeys. And so we say it was a bit. Yes. So we say we're being silly, silly little laddies.

And then we've all got, and then so the partner is none the wiser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. That one's from Fletch and that's from Vaughan. They're going to be like,

what? Wait, wait, what? Yeah, I don't know how that's going to get you out of trouble. There's a daycare teacher who used to come in with hickeys all over her neck

and she would cover them by wearing scarves even in the heat of summer. Turns out, they were given to her by one of the student's fathers. Oh! Scandal, scandal. Wow, scandal queenie. Fulham Smith scandal queenie.

Trademark pending. My mum's turned 53. Just turned 53. She still gets hickeys from her husband. Oh, oh, oh. Why don't you pop around and say, Mum, she's got a hickey. Just turned 53. She still gets hickeys from her husband. Oh, oh, oh. Don't you pop around and say, Mum, she's got a hickey. Oh, Mum.

Oh, Mum, for God's sake. If I saw my mum with one, I'd be like, Dad! Tell her to grow up. I just can't imagine Christine with one. I'd almost be like, good on you. Good for you. My mate had a very large hickey on his neck

as a married man. Not good. As a truck driver mechanic, he decided to just burn his neck As a married man Not good As a truck driver Mechanically decided To just burn his neck on a truck exhaust Oh for God's sake What to cover it up No what to give yourself a permanent mark

Yeah by the sounds of it Oh my God Newly 40 You're an idiot here Newly 40 New lover who's nearly 50 Due to my child custody situation We don't see each other very often

When we're doing It always goes pretty hard. And there's always hickeys. Oh, my God. We go at it. We go at it. But they keep them underneath the T-shirt line. Yeah. Okay.

I think that would be the best advice. I went for a job interview on Monday and on the way there, I looked in the car review mirror and I saw I had a hickey and it's safe to say I'm probably not getting that job. It's not a great look. Nah. I love that people are just opening up about this. It's so good.

My ex-boss came to work with hickeys once and we were all giving a rock up. Turns out it was my wife at the time who gave it to him. Oh my God. Cut me. Oh, we're not beating that. Is that text of the week?

That's text of the week. Text of the week. We're giving that text of the week. Thanks to Animates, making happy happen for pets. We'll hook you up with a $50 Animates voucher. Oh, I just realised I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards.

Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it? We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse and hopefully they'll work out the other way? Give us a review.