ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 5th October 2023

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Top 6: Levin Christmas Parade  Cleavage with Sleevage  Silly Little Poll!  Does your name match your Job?  The Great Kiwi Kettle Off Grand Final!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Good morning, welcome to the show Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Happy Thursday. Happy Thursday. In the studio is a giant, like that's something you see at an outdoor concert or a building construction site. What do you call that Vaughan?

Oh, I don't know. No, it's got a name. Big power adapter thing. What's the name for it? The girlies had to go to a higher place yesterday. It's way bigger than I thought it was going to be. It's called a Jackson 16. A Jackson 16.

Wow. So do you plug that into, because I saw you guys sent a video of it plugged in. Do you plug that into like a bigger amperage or something? Yeah. Caravan plugs. Those big amperage or something? Yeah. Caravan plugs. Those big like caravan. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Wow. Well, this is going to enable us to all plug our kettles in

today for the rematch that we have all been waiting for. Yeah. After Hayley came into work one day and said, I've got a really fast kettle.

I actually do have a really fast kettle. Okay, well today we're... Well, it won, but that's because the rest of our wall sockets blew. Yeah, so today there will be no blowing of the wall sockets. Okay. And the rematch is on. We're going to do this after 8 o'clock this morning, the Great Kiwi Kettle Off.

And actually, Briscoe's heard about this as well and have jumped on board with some vouchers for you to win. How good? $500 vouchers. I know. So you've just got to text. If you want to be able to win one of these vouchers, you've got to text in Kettle, leave a space, and then the name of the person whose kettle you think will win.

So, for example, Kettle Slash. We should have just gone for the first name. Letter. Oh, yeah. Because there's eight ways to spell Hayley there's 10,000 ways to spell

I'm born they'll all come in what I would say is you will be rewarded for spelling correctly yeah absolutely well just text

kettle leave a space and then the name of the person whose kettle you think will win send that to 9696

and if your person's kettle wins we're going to do a draw for the $500 voucher. I think we've got three vouchers to give away. Very exciting.

Very exciting. So that's happening after 8 o'clock this morning. Go the Breville. Go the Sproul. Breville Sproul. The top six on the way. Yep. What is it?

Oh, yeah, that's right. I wrote it last night. Yeah, I know. I wrote it last night. But I know, I wrote it last night But Jesus, that was like 12 hours ago How am I supposed to remember Last night was 12 hours ago How am I supposed to remember what happened 12 hours ago?

I don't know God, I worry about you sometimes And I'm not even drinking this week I was going to say, are you drinking this week? No Okay Same You went to drama school and you couldn't even lie for one sentence.

One word. Same. Same. I didn't have a drink on Tuesday, but yesterday the sun was shining. Oh, I know. It was gorgeous weather that time, but it's so hot. I had to keep myself busy all afternoon to keep away from the devil's beverage. Top six ways to still get a Christmas parade in Levin.

Levin have cancelled their Christmas parade. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Still get a Christmas parade in Levin. Levin have cancelled their Christmas parade. I'm just, I've just read how many prisoners the UK has, and I thought it would have been more. England and Wales currently have 87,800 inmates. Oh, how many do we have? That's what I'm Googling. Highest percentage. America.

He could have done this over the space of that Taylor Swift song, but I was reading the article He was listening and he was bopping. Of population in prison. The reason we talk about these statistics, there is a wild news story out of the UK. They are full.

The prisons are full. And so they are going to be renting foreign cells and sending prisoners overseas to places like Belgium, Norway, and... Oh, no, no, no, sorry, no, no, sorry, to the Netherlands. Because Belgium and Norway have done this previously. They're like, we don't want to build more prisons. Because you would think places like that would be a bit more human rights focused. Yeah. But I just

watched it. There's a new series on Netflix. What's it called? It's one of those kind of like toughest prisons. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a guy who was wrongfully convicted and he goes and does a stay, a week stay at all these prisons around the world. Well he goes back. I know. But he did one in

Norway and it was tough. Like, really tough. I thought Norway was where they let you just work on a farm. I know. And I think to a certain point. This is maximum security. Yeah, to a certain point. Murderers. Yeah, murderers and your bad guys. They're on out. What about some light

tax evasion? See, I think that's your farm time. That's your resorts. That's your ski resorts in Norway. Okay. Yeah, you've got to clear the ice off the stuff. Right. Put people on the quad. You'd rather go to Norway than like Vietnam or like Thailand

where the prisons are just horrendous and super overcrowded. So have they said where... You said what? They'll send them to the Netherlands? The Netherlands. The UK will. Yeah. When they said overseas, immediately my mind Netherlands is the big one. Yeah. When they see it overseas,

immediately my mind is tropical. Tropical. Hawaii. Well, you know, Portugal's legalized all drugs. Yeah, they have decriminalized. Which has automatically made it a health issue, not a criminal issue.

Right. Which is sort of like, everybody's like, that seems to be the future. How's that? Have they done a follow-up on that? Is that working for them? No, they're too high on heroin to do any follow-ups

because they're just like, let's give this a go. Man, that was great. I wonder if next time will be as good. Probably not, but maybe the third time will be as good. It's getting worse. Maybe I'll do it a fourth time. It'll be better. So do they get to pick the prisoners?

Are they like, I'd like to go to Spain, like the Love Island prison? No. Casa Amor. It's only the prison? No. Casa Amor. It's only the Netherlands so far. Casa Amor. I would not have picked Netherlands as a country that would have excess prisons.

Well, no, no, no. Maybe they'd have excess prisons, but they wouldn't be profiting off or be set up to have companies that profit off the imprisonment of people. Right. Do you know what I mean? They seem like they care about their people too much. Yeah, well, maybe that's why the prisons, they've got the spare space because they do care about their people too much.

Well, they don't put people in prison for stupid things like having a bloody tinny in their pocket. Well, yeah, I mean, drugs and sex in certain areas, the selling of sex. Yeah, yeah. Completely legalised. Yeah. So, yeah. I'd want to go to. Yeah, yeah. Completely legalised. Yeah. So, yeah. I'd want to go to like Paris.

No, but there's bedbugs everywhere. I know. Because of Rugby World Campsite at the moment, apparently there's this bedbug epidemic in Paris. My parents literally just arrived about an hour ago back into the country from being in Europe for five months. Paris was their last stop and they got bitten. Not super, super bad. Wait, are they coming to stay at your house because you want to fumigate their suitcases? Europe for five months. Paris was their last stop and they got bitten.

Not super, super bad. Wait, are they coming to stay at your house because you want to fumigate their suitcases? Oh, I don't even want to see them. Oh, go back to Wellington. No, I am going to see them, but no, they're not staying at my house. I don't have a house. I don't have a beach. I don't have anywhere for them to go. I don't even have a toilet. Hashtag girlhood. This is a thing. This is a thing

on TikTok. Do I not know this because I. This is a thing. This is a thing on TikTok. Do I not know this because I'm no longer a girl? I'm a woman? Oh, don't pull a sad face at me, Carween. That was a really sad face. It was. I'm 34 in a couple of days. That's still young.

Pause for confirmation. Comparatively to David Attenborough. Yes. Thank you In fact that's what I'm going to Make a birthday card for you With David Attenborough On the front

Be like At least you know At least you're young enough To be my granddaughter Yeah I'm just a little baby So That's going everywhere

Hashtag girlhood And One that Took my fancy That I'd like to share What are people doing For girlhood Cross to that took my fancy that I'd like to share. What are people doing for girlhood? Cross to the girls! Not the woman in this room!

The girlies. What is hashtag girlhood? Is this different to like hashtag girl dinner and hashtag girl math? Yeah, like do you remember on Facebook there used to be just girly things? Yeah. It's kind of like the modern version of that. So it's like

there's a TikTok sound and she goes, oh, I love being a woman. Oh, yes. It's kind of like things like that. Right. Where you do little silly girly things and you're like, oh, just girly things. Like, yeah. Okay, well, this one is really silly and girly. This is, the caption is, I feel so safe and like a mermaid.

And what she does is she takes her favourite towel, which is like this tie-dyed thing, and she said there's something so hashtag girlhood and therapeutic about using your towel like a little blanket in the bathtub. And she takes it into the bar, wrapping her legs

in this towel, and it's all heavy, and she like picks it up and like flops it back down. That would be disgusting. I'd feel suffocated by this., picks it up and, like, flops it back down. Oh, no. It's so comforting. That would be disgusting. I'd feel suffocated by this. Also, it would go really cold, eh? Well, you've got to have the water deep enough, I guess, so it's totally entrenched in it.

Did you ever waterboard yourself with the face cloth? Yeah. When you're a kid in the bath, you put it on your face, you're like... And you just, like, suck it out of the water, and then pour water over your head and you didn't even know what you were doing, but you were breaking the bloody Geneva Convention.

Yeah. Accidentally, of course. Or you put soap in it and put it over your mouth and go. And bubbles. The bubbles would come out. I don't know where Bin Laden is. I don't know. I promise.

Okay, I'll tell. Yeah, well, apparently This feels really nice Who was the 90s version Of Bin Laden Saddam Hussein Saddam Hussein I feel like he was Sort of around the same time

No No Because the first Gulf War Was Early Early 90s Kicked off in 1990

And Saddam Hussein Was the bad guy of that Yeah But then they had no Proof really did they? It's because I'm, you know, so significantly younger than you guys. Yeah.

Because I'm such a young, fresh girl. Bin Laden was your first international terrorist. Yeah, he was my first person I really, really knew about in terms of, because in the 90s I was just a little girl. We had Slobodan Milošević. Now that was a fun name to say. Slobodan Milozovic. Now that was a fun name to say. Slobodan Milozovic. He was a terrible man.

He was a terrible, terrible man. He was always on the news. They always said Slobodan Milozovic. And it was a fun name to say. But again, terrible man. So we would put it over our face and be like, we don't know where Slobodan is. What about in your cell?

I don't know. I don't have any information on... Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. Well, they won't be living La Vida Loca this Christmas. He's been waiting for that. I have. I thought about it earlier and I'm just getting sad on it.

Like a chicken on an egg. This is big news in Levin. 80 days away from Christmas too. I love Levin. What a playground. No, I've never seen the playground. Oh my god, it's unreal. Levin's playground is like one of the best things. Well, it's not better than the Margaret Mahi

playground. Did you hear Joy Cowley's getting a playground? What? Joy Cowley. Not to be outdone. Not to be outdone by arch nemesis Margaret Mahi. She's like, oh, from the grave. Right. From the grave, he says.

I don't know if she's dead. I think Joy Cowley's passed. No. Wait. You're thinking of someone. I think it is. It is. 87 years old.

She's 87 years old. Yeah, yeah. She's not. She ain't dead. She's still Is. 87 years old. She's 87 years old. Yeah, yeah. She's not. She ain't dead. She's still around. Oh, bless. Sorry, Joy. Sorry, Joy.

I think I got you confused with your arch nemesis, Margaret Barney, who we lost. Oh, the live-in playground. It's old, though. So it's not like, you know, Margaret's fancy. Yeah. This is old. And the live-in one's got those mouse wheels, the wooden.

Oh, yeah. And you just pull yourself from the roof. I know a fully grown woman who ruined herself on one of those. Yeah, beautiful. Properly ruined herself. Well, as wonderful as Levin and its playground is, there's no Christmas parade. But there will be Christmas in the park

at the Levin Adventure Park, which I'm imagining, that sounds like the home of the playground. Perhaps. Yeah, because there's flying foxes and stuff. Oh, my God, it's so good. So there's not going to be a Christmas parade in Levin.

I've marched in that parade numerous times. The Levin one. Oh, because that was kind of the home of marching. Quite close. Levin was very humming for marching.

Who knew? Who knew? Just a small trip over the hill and you're there. Yeah, there you were. Yeah. Well, I got the top six ways

to still have a Christmas parade in Levin. Number six on the list. Just put up a stop sign until there's enough traffic, then release them one at a time at 20 kilometres an hour speed limit and shoot tinsel on them as they pass.

That's technically a parade. That's a parade. Yeah. Very Christmassy. Very cool. Number five on the list are the top six ways for Levin to still have a Christmas parade.

Tell kids there's a Peter Pan musical and then when they all come dressed to play the part of Peter Pan, chase them down the street to the sound of jingly bells and then you've got some cheeky elves. Yes. Doing a parade. Good idea. Crying and screaming. Yeah, but it looks like they're laughing and

crying with joy. Could be a laugh. Could be from a distance. Number four on the list of the top six ways for a lovin' to still have a Christmas parade. Drive slowly down the main street throwing cheap lollies at children who will immediately be filled with Christmas joy and gravel that's stuck to the lollies because you're doing this on your budget so you shouldn't pay for wrapped ones. Oh, God, no. Just individual gummies.

Yeah, just individual gummies. Yeah, yeah. They'll have to pick the stones out, but it'll still be very Christmassy. Number three on the list of the top six ways for a live-in to still have a Christmas parade. Hit up the local costume shop and get some slightly off-brand, well-known characters like Ricky Rouse,

Monald Mark, Fugs Funny, and Plaffy Pluck. I love Plaffy Pluck. Fugs Funny is my favourite. It's actually my favourite for Halloween. Is he a rabbit? Is he a hare? Is he a gerbil? Is he just like a rodent? No, but it's certainly enough

to skirt Compy, right? It sure is. Good luck with that one. Time Warner, who's owned by Discovery. I don't know who's got all that. It's not Disney, isn't it? No, they're the arch nemeses.

Oh, right. Okay. Number two on the list of the top six ways for Lavender to still have a Christmas parade. Pop down to the asbestos removal company and get some of their delicious asbestos. They'll give that to you for next to nothing. Then go to Hyerpool and get a chipper. Drive down the main street, chuck in the asbestos into the chipper on the back of your ute.

Voila, winter wonderland snow won't melt. Because that's a true fact about Wizard of Oz. Wizard of Oz. Is that they a true fact about Wizard of Oz. Wizard of Oz. Is that they use asbestos for the snow. Because they didn't want it to melt and they couldn't get anything else that like floated and looked fluffy. They also used lead paint for the Wicked Witch of the West. Different times. And she got ill from it.

And the, not gremlins, what are they? Little. I want to say umbilical what are they? Little munchkins. We represent the lollipop game. That was terrifying as a child. So scary. Yeah, yeah. I don't want a lollipop. And number one on the list of the top six places for Lavinda

to still have a Christmas parade. You know the old fat fella that votes Labour and always wears Labour's colour with the beard? Oh, huge Labour guy. Huge Labour guy. Always hanging around the mall on Christmas. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's on his mobility scooter down to the RSA for a couple of morning beers. Well, Paul on out of the SPCA gets some stray dogs, puts some sticks on their head,

and then tie their leads to the front of his scooter. So when he comes out of his house to go down to the RSA one Saturday morning or Sunday morning for a couple of morning beers, the dogs are also an assist. And you've got yourself, you know, you've got Santa right there, don't you? I think Levin will be very happy with those. They're great suggestions.

Feel free to use them. Absolutely. I won't even charge for those ideas because I just can't bear the thought of children missing out on a Santa parade. Of course. That is today's top six. When I was growing up and becoming a woman, I was always told that when you dress, you're either going legs out or boobs out.

Okay. Never the two. Then you look a bit trashy. This is what I was just told. Is this from your mother? No, not from my mother. She was always out. Pets.

Well, yeah, she was selling houses. Yeah, I know. Those tits sold some houses. Yeah, I bet they did. No, the legs. The legs moved some units. The legs shuffled quite the villa. Those Les Mills pump classes all those years, absolutely worth it.

Absolutely popping legs. Sold some houses. I know. But that was always the thing was like when you're getting dressed up to go somewhere and you want to look a bit sexy, you're either going to go a little mini skirt and top covered or maybe a pant or like a longer skirt and then you can have your cleavage. Right.

Not that there's any rules around this. But now this is what this is reminding me of because there's a little bit of a fashion trend going around online called cleavage with sleevage. Which is exactly what it sounds like. Yeah. Cleavage with sleevage. People are loving the cleavage with sleevage.

So if you've got your cleavage out, you maybe wouldn't have a little strappy top or a singlet top. You go sleeves. Right. So you could go boobs out, cardio on, or like a low cut top with sleeves. And they're calling it cleavage or sleevage.

And then people are loving this, especially the cute gals. They love cleavage. What about the circum boob? What's the circum boob? That's where you can see both under boob, side love a little cleavage. What about the circum boob? What's a circum boob? That's where you can see both under boob, side boob and cleavage and the bikini that's covering is

basically just a nipple curtain. Yeah. A nipple curtain. Do you know when they were a real thing, those bikinis you could bunch up and people would like bunch them just to the edge of the areola. Yeah. I used to wear those until I had a ski biscuit incident. Well, you wouldn't need much fabric to cover your areola. I used to wear those until I had a ski biscuit incident. Well, you wouldn't need much

fabric to cover your ariolas. I would need maybe some fishing nylon might cover mine. So here's a couple of photos of cleavage or sleevage. So she's still like looking sexy, but she's covered up on the sleeves. Right, she's just basically busting out

of a cardigan. A really tight cardigan. Essentially what's happening here is you bust out of a tight cardigan. It's giving me sexy librarian vibes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because you've seen some documentaries on those, haven't you? I have, yeah.

Yeah, I've seen a couple of docos on their website as well. Never really filmed in an actual library. Right. Yeah. And then she always, she was like, what book do you want? And you're like, I want that one. She puts her hand in and gets stuck. She gets stuck. And it's always on the was like, what book do you want? And you're like, I want that one. She puts her hand in and gets stuck. She gets stuck.

And it's always on the bottom shelf, so she has to crawl about for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In-depth documentaries, those. Oh, incredible. Sometimes I don't have the time for the full documentary. I'll watch sort of a 12 to 15 minute sort of like documentary recap. Docomini. Yeah, right.

And I just kind of flick through the doco to the parts with the peaks. The peaks. That's where all the information is. The good stuff is. It's compacted. Yeah. I like mine narrated by David Attenborough. Your documentaries?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Good, good, good. Yeah. The librarian seems to be stuck. I don't generally hear what's on mine. I've got the volume very, very low. Oh, right. very, very low.

Oh, right. Very, very low. And I actually wish. I wish they would put subtitles on it. Yeah, okay. Because sometimes they're speaking very heavy Russian accents and I cannot understand what is happening. No, you're right. ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Fletchborn and Hayley.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Do you stand to wipe as today's silly little pole?

76% of people. three quarters, said no. Are you feeling like, because we both admitted this yesterday when we came up with this idea for silly little poll, that we are stand to wipers. And that's just how it's been my entire life. It's still a bend in the knee, right? Yeah, bend in the knee. Do you not like upright?

How would you wipe if you were upright but close tight? Well, I think that's a... That's a squat. Well, we just never talk. You use your spare hand to pull your cheek apart so you can only get in it. Jeez Louise. Really? Get in it.

You know when you've got this kind of dumper. Yeah, I know. You've got to pull it apart. If I had a bidet, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I would totally. I've used a bidet when I've been in like overseas. Yeah. In a like place that has one.

I've never used one. It's so weird. What about the squirty hoses in Southeast Asia? You know, I never use them. Because they're weird. They're like a hose handle. You shove it up. You don't shove it up your ass.

You just shove it near. Do the nozzle into the. No, that's a douche. Yeah. You can though if you need to clean out. I just check the pressure before you do. Oh, yeah. You don't want something like a balloon?

Fire hose pressure. Rip yourself open. All right. Take yourself to pieces. Some feedback. Courtney says, absolutely. I don't want my hand going anywhere near the bowl. Like I know it's not going to touch it, but what if it did?

Well, you wash your hands. Wait, but you're still putting your hand right in your ass. Yeah. What happens when you're in America? You know how they have the really high water level and everything floats? There's no room for error in America.

To sit and wipe. To sit and wipe. Well, you might touch the water. Yeah. Or while sitting on top of the water. That's right. Like, you remember, you've been to America a. Yeah. Or while sitting on top of the water. That's right. Like, you remember, you've been to America a few times.

My in-laws have an American toilet. Oh, come on. So the water's really high. The water's always really high. No, I can't deal with American toilets. And apparently it works better on a septic system. So they say, but that's because they've got one.

So you know when someone gets on board with something, you've got to justify it. They believe it, yeah. But it's weird, the first time they put it in and I was like, this is an American toilet. Yeah. Yes.

Weird. Weird. George says, as a health professional, you should always look at your poos and what's on the TP to see if there's anything suspicious. Oh, okay, yeah. George, you're going to do more any day without blood in your stool. It was a good day in my book.

That's why Vaughan has a printout, a colour printout of the Bristol stool chart above his toilet. I check it. Always. Check it for consistency a colour printout of the Bristol stool chart above his toilet. I check it. Always. Check it for consistency and also beside the Bristol stool chart a Resene colour chart

and I hold my wipe against it to make sure it's not getting too close to a red shade. Oh yeah. You don't want that. Corb says

it's more like a half squat it's not a full stand. I'll agree with you there Corb. Yeah more like a half squat. It is more like a squat. And you know what that's why we have great quads as well. Yeah, because you're doing a wall sit, basically.

A lifetime of squatting to wipe, yeah. Jodie says, no, but I do get a hell of a lean on. So do you think she just leans forward? Maybe. So she doesn't stand. She's saying, I'm not standing, but I'm doing a full lean forward. Right, okay. So really open her right up.

Really give her a good angle for a tacket. Open her right up. Shay says, I've got a fat dumper and short arms. I've got to stand. It's my only combo. I mean, do we have short arms? Is that why? No.

You've got a good wingspan. We both have quite a good wingspan. Enough to get around there. Fat dumper and short arms. There'd be someone on the internet that'd pay good money for that. Keywords, keywords. Gemma, how the, WTF, how can you, when your butt cheeks close, my partner stands and the skids in his boxes are insane,

and you've got a full one. No, he's not wiping. I haven't had a skid mark since I was a child. You don't get skids. He's still wiping. Come on. I think he might be having a little greasy fart, to be honest,

if he's got skid marks. Sounds like tradie farts. What, are you talking a pint of V? Yeah. Pint of V farts. Yeah. Catherine says, is this an actual thing?

I stumbled in on my nine-year-old son standing for a wipe and wondered if his brain was broken. Yeah. Maybe it's more of a man thing. I don't know. Because how old were you when you realised that not everybody does, like, stands up?

Was it like, it would have been like in your 20s, right? Like, when my wife walked in and was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm wiping my ass, woman. I need some privacy. So in your 30s? No, why are you standing? Late 30s, early 40s. Wow, yeah.

Devin, now this I'm imagining is more of a question for a woman post-wee wipe. Okay. Who stands, surely you would have wheeze dribble down your leg. Psychopaths would stand to wipe. No, you don't stand to wipe your wheeze. I wouldn't stand to wipe my wheeze, I wouldn't imagine. Well, you're already standing. No, but if I was a sitter.

Oh, right. If I was a woman. Hmm. If I were a girl. I'd probably just go for a pat if I were a girl. Yeah, I dab. On the wee. I dab.

I don't wipe. You don't wipe. You don't smear. Yeah, you've got a real risk of... Just a pat. Just a pat to dry. Doesn't need much more. Pat dry.

There you go. That's how they sell a little palm. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Right a pat to dry. Doesn't need much more. Pat dry. There you go. That's it. I still have a little palm. Play. ZM's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Right. Conde Nastie. Conde Nast. Conde Nast.

Yeah, I don't know. Well, whatever. The Travelling Magazine. Travels. Yeah, they do travels. They've released a big article on, like, the best countries. The friendliest countries. The best international airlines. The list of countries. The best international airlines.

The list of the world's best resorts. We've got one on those. Oh, yeah. Are you aware of the Wharekahu Country Estate at Ocean Beach near Wellington? No. I didn't know that. Very posh. Let me spin this around so you can see how posh it appears.

Oh, that's posh. That looks posh. Oh, that's posh. I imagine there'd be some weddings there. Oh, there'll be some weddings, for sure. Should we do the helicopter? Should we take the helicopter? I mean, transmission gullies open now,

but my God. That does look posh. Stands on flickety flickety up the bottom of the car. That looks very Oh, yeah, okay, okay, with your farm to table, but I need a bigger portion. Can I get three?

It's so flash, it's tiny portions? Yeah, tiny and flash. Yeah, can I get three? Bourne doesn't like anywhere with portions smaller than a... I know. Yeah. Fine dining, not for me. Not for me either.

Yeah, unless it's like a 10-course... I like bougie dining, but it's got to be... There's got to be a bit of substance. Not for me. Not for me either. Yeah, unless it's like a 10 course. I like bougie dining, but it's gotta be... There's gotta be a bit of substance. Yeah. Top countries in the world, we came fifth. Oh, yay! Who's above us? Ireland, Greece, Italy and Japan. Greece! International Airlines. Air New Zealand came

seventh. Oh yeah, nice. Top international cities. Not even worth mentioning. No, we don't even appear in that one. But one we did appear on is the friendliest countries. That's us. Are we still friendly?

You know, I feel like maybe the last few years have got a bit grumpy. I think we've become less friendly. Yeah, it seems like that entrenchment on either side is making us maybe seem a become less friendly. Yeah, it seems like that entrenchment on either side is making us maybe seem a little less friendly. And then we see a tourist and we're like, what do you want?

Yeah, what do you want? To support our economy? Get out! 95.16 we scored on the friendliness scale. I'm going to start at nine. Nine, Ireland. Yeah, friendly. Friendly.

Friendly, friendly. Tanzly. Friendly, friendly. Tanzania. A very friendly place. Just behind us. They're in the eighth place. Okay. You might not see people if you're camping out under the stars. Those you do will be welcoming and happy to have you visiting.

Lovely. Cute. Lebanon is at six. That looks beautiful In the photo that they've shared But I don't know too much About Lebanon As a country

Having never been And not familiar with A whole lot of people who have Cambodia I have been People were very friendly Very friendly Very friendly

Beautiful country Yeah Botswana In at four So where the meat's from Botswana The Botswana butchery Yeah Fancy I wouldn't eat too much meat From Botswana It at four. It's where the meat's from. The Botswana butchery.

Fancy. I wouldn't eat too much meat from Botswana. It's very zebra heavy. I would like to eat a zebra, but only if it was all legit. Oh, no, I don't want to eat a zebra. Oh, no, I don't want to do that either. They don't endanger or whatever. It'd be weird having stripy steaks. Yeah, it would be.

I'd be down for it. I think it would be lovely. Namibia in at three. Is this the home place of producer Jared? Yes. The home country. Yeah. Lovely little spot.

Friendly, but would we say safe? I wouldn't say safe. No. Because this doesn't cover the big cities like Vindhoek. This is more if you're there doing your luxury lodges and popular destinations. Sorry, what was that city? Vindhoek.

Vindhoek? Yeah. Vintook. Vintook. I was pretty close. Pretty close. It's spelled with a W. God, he really sassed you there.

Yeah, I don't know if it really is a correction. Windhoek is how you would say it if you were just going to... Let's go through New Zealand place names and see how we go with those. Fiji, number two, for friendly, very friendly people. Fiji beat us. Fiji beat us. Very friendly.

Very friendly. You guys don't have kids, but you go to Fiji and you've got a kid and you're just like, here. And they're like, oh, my God, fantastic. And they'll just take the kid and play with the kid and carry the babies around the Fiji and ladies with babies. Oh, my God. It's great.

And you, yeah. I don't think they should pay them. Right, okay. You know, if you put them into kids clubs, sometimes you've got to pay. But if the Fijian ladies just like your beautiful, bouncy, white baby. Yeah. Right, okay. Yeah, very friendly.

So who's number one on the list? Dominica. Which is an island, not the Dominican Republic. It's in the Caribbean though, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What does it say about here? It's easy to see why this place is often called the nature island thanks to its ancient rainforest, flawless beaches, hot springs, dramatic coastline and colourful hamlets.

This is a place for truly exploring. This doesn't say anything about the friendliness, does it? It's just saying that it's beautiful. It just sounds beautiful though, yeah. Yeah, it just sounds beautiful. But apparently very friendly as well. Right, but we're on the top. We're in the top 10, so we did good.

We are in the top 10. Sorry, was Canada in there? I missed it. No, suck it, Canada. Suck it, Australia. Suck it, the Scandi countries. No Scandi countries in there at all. No Scandi countries in there, no.

Fantastic. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Ailey. This is a massive study that was done in the UK looking at our phone usage and whether or not it's a problem, we're just a heavy user or it's all good. I just tried to find my screen time and since I've updated to the new iOS whatever,

it's not turned on. Oh, really? So it's not monitoring. So I hardly use it. Leupold, you don't use it at all use it. I guess I don't use my phone. Oh, mine's down 20% from last week at four hours a day. Four hours? That's so bad.

Which is wild when you think about it. But does that include music and stuff? Because I listen to music all day. Get home, music's on. No, it's when the screen's on. Can't you click on see all activity and it tells you what you do? Isn't that the deal? Wow.

Shannon, how many, I mean, your job is social media, but how many hours are you rocking a day? Seven. Seven a day. And I just checked, that's like every week I'm hitting seven at least. And I spent 24 hours on TikTok last week. I spent an entire day. But it gets you, man.

It just keeps playing videos. So my number one used app is Instagram, which I knew. I love Instagram. Six hours and 51 minutes a week. Right. I'm not mad at that. Messages is my next one. Messages? Like messenger

or messages. Well, that didn't sound good, did it? That cough. Yeah, no, I got something stuck in my throat. Messages. Two hours and twelve. Messenger is after that and then my mail and then my banking app, then my photos. So it's Instagram. Mine's just all Instagram. All Instagram.

Now, Carl Wayne, formerly at the social media desk, we talked, what, a year or two ago about your insane stats. Was it like eight or nine? Yeah. Yeah, it was. Listen, this week. No, no. This week, gone down to one hour, 50 minutes.

Oh, wow. I've just been very busy, actually. You've actually just been more on your laptop, right? Yeah, no, 100%. Yeah, 100%. So this study took a whole bunch of people and went through how much they're using it. Looked at age and gender.

Obviously, they found the younger you are, the more likely you are to be addicted to it, and it decreases with age. So our parents would spend next to no time on a phone compared to, say, a 10-year-old who's going to spend their whole life on a phone essentially. Also no difference with based on gender. Oh really? Yeah.

Okay. Wow. No difference. So what they wanted to do with this study, oh my God, found that young adults were spending 28.5 hours on their smartphones weekly. That is insane. That's a day gone. That's a whole day on your phone. That's four hours a day.

Look up. That's four hours a day? Yeah. Oh, that's me. Look up, Hayley. Hashtag look up, the world is beautiful. Look up, look out. Well, surely it's Instagram. I literally just saw it. I was, look out. Well, surely it's Instagram. I literally just saw it. I was trying to like just justify it.

It's my downtime. So what they wanted to do with this is create like a spectrum of addiction. Yeah. Right? And this is what they found. Casual users, which equated to 14.86% of people that they researched.

Yeah. Casual user, these people mainly go online for specific tasks and log off without lingering. Like banking. Oh, yeah, banking. I'm going to check the news app and then I'm done. And I'm out. They show no signs of addiction

and generally sway older average age. Sway older average age 33.4. Wow. Okay. They are the least interested group when it comes to exploring new apps. Okay. Then the next level on the spectrum, initial users, 22.86% of those studied.

This group often finds themselves online longer than they initially planned and sometimes neglect household chores, but don't consider themselves addict or addicted. They're mostly interested in apps and have an average age of 26. Okay. Next, the Experimenters. 21.98%. This group feels uneasy

or anxious. This is me. We're not connected to the internet. Once online, they feel much better. Experimenters are more willing to try new apps and technology and their average age is between 22.8 and 24.3. I guess I'm young in that way. Young in heart.

The next level on the spectrum is addicts in denial, with 17.96% of those studied falling into this category. These individuals display addictive behaviours like forming new relationships online, while neglecting real world relationships and responsibilities in favour for staying

online. However, this group also won't admit to feeling uneasy we're not connected to the internet. They're this group also won't admit to feeling uneasy. We're not connected to the internet. They're also very confident when it comes to using technology. The final group, addicts. 22.36% of those surveyed. This cohort openly acknowledges they're addicted to the internet, recognise its negative impact on their lives.

They're the most confident using new apps and technology. But it doesn't, so each one, it doesn't give an hour breakdown of. Nah, it doesn't. Right. It's more about the feeling of it. Yeah, yeah. How easily you can put down your phone. You'd be all right.

Oh, you did go through a bloody TikTok live for a while. TikTok, that was a dark, dark time. Just go to bed to see what other people were doing. TikTok live and just be like, oh my God, they are wasting so much of their time. But then I realised I was, so I don't do that anymore. Instead, I go to bed and I open up Instagram reels and I fire through about 12 to 15 of my favourite ones

that I watch through my lads chat and just be like, check this out. I don't think anybody's watching them. I watch the links you send us. Yeah, I don't send as many to this group. Because I don't want to, I want you to get the cream of the crop. Yeah, thank you.

Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. I don't believe it all. In fact, the study unravels itself. Ford Motor Company obviously went to this website called Your Tango and they do like quizzes on like surveys online and then they release it.

And the headline is, if you want to immediately improve your relationship, hit the road and go on a road trip. Oh, isn't that where most arguments happen? Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. We asked respondents their favorite three ways to pass the time with their loved one on the road. 63% see just catching

up with each other. Blasting our favourite music, 60%. Getting some quiet time and taking in the sights, 37%. You've had an argument and you're in a car now and it's a horrible place to be post-argument because you're both just looking and just like napping while my spouse partner does

the driving. That's annoying. That's the person that's always driving when everyone else in the car is napping. As a person else, I want to be napping too. And you can't have your music too loud because you're like, we're trying to nap. What am I supposed to do? 17% said one of their favourite activities on a road trip was independently reading.

You're going to be sick. Please put down the phone. Playing on the phone tablet. Girls, get off those. You're going to be sick. Please put down the phone. Playing on the phone tablet. Girls, get off those. You're going to be telling me you're feeling car sick. So checking email as the partner does the driving. Checking email? How bad is this relationship? You're like, well, I'm out of things to talk about.

And literally I've finished Instagram. I might go and check my emails. Oh, God. Listening together to an audio book or a comedy tape, news or sports. And playing card games, catching up with friends and family via the phone. 6% of people's favourite thing to do on a road trip with their partner is catch up with friends

and family via the phone. Ignoring the person that they're in the car with to catch up with them. Oh, no, I would not like that. How is this at all showing that relationships are getting stronger? Because then, listen to these numbers. 63% of couples surveyed said they have a backseat driver on board who helps by doing things like, 32% telling the driver they're driving too fast.

Tick. 27% tell them they're going the wrong way. Yeah. Tick. 22% tell them they're not paying enough attention to their surroundings and traffic in front of them. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out.

Hey, hey! We're 500 metres away from it. Whoa, whoa, whoa! 9% tell them they're not using their signals properly or sufficiently. I do that. You've got to indicate out, bro. You've got to indicate out.

You've got to probably, Aaron doesn't indicate out of roundabouts. 7% told them off for honking or using foul language or gestures towards other drivers. Why don't they just drive? All the answers, all of the above questions. How did, all of those were higher things than things people were doing with their partner in the car, most of which were ignoring your partner and being on your phone. Ford went, let's go into your tango. They'll do us a little survey and we can be like,

get out there and do a road trip with your family. And they've got the results and they're like, my God, how are we going to swing this? Into an article that makes driving feel like anything other than a punish. You know what's not on that list? What? Every woman in my life telling me I've left the windscreen wipers on for too long. Oh, yeah, you do.

Yeah, but why are they going? Why are they going? Yeah, this is me. Can you turn those off? Yeah. You want to turn those off? Do you still need those on? You say, do you still need those on?

Sharday's like, can you turn those off? Oh, I've got to hate it. What are you wiping? Yeah, the showers of Passover. I wipe them on too long. I wipe until it's dry. When it squeaks. That's when you turn off the windscreen.

No. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A man got a job yesterday. Congratulations to the new chief executive of WorkSafe New Zealand. WorkSafe New Zealand. WorkSafe New Zealand. Yes.afe New Zealand. WorkSafe New Zealand. Yes.

Steve Hazard. Oh, fantastic. Yes. Oh, yes. Is it spelled H-A-Z-A-R-D? H-A-S-Z-A-R-D. Hazard. Hazard.

Hazard. Hazard. But yeah, his whole job is getting people to watch out for hazards. And he's a hazard And he is Steve Hazard That's so good That is so good Yeah

Nominative determinism What is that? That's where Something's name Someone's name would lead to What they could do Right Kind of just push you in that

I mean that's It's kind of where our names came from Yeah Surnames used to be What you did for a job Everyone only had first names And then I think it was what they could do. Right. Kind of just push you in that direction. I mean, it's kind of where our names came from. Yes, surnames used to be what you did for a job. If everyone only had first names, and then I think it was a taxation thing, they were like, well, John, John, John, John, which John?

So they were like, well, you're John. You make the arrows, so you can be Fletcher. Yeah, that's what my name means. Blacksmith. I was on Game of Thrones. Yeah, I know you were. I was on Game of Thrones. You were fantastic. Yeah, you were really good.

Thank you. Really good. So, yeah, his name's Steve Hazard, and that just made me laugh. It tickled you, eh? It made me laugh. It's so good. I loved that. I liked it.

So we want to talk about people, if your name suits your job, or if you know someone whose name just suits so well with their job. Shannon at the social media desk has put her hand up, raised her hand. Yes, Shannon. Yeah, I had a graphics teacher called Mr. Lines. Oh, that's great. He leaned into it. He must have.

He's also playing for Hawke's Bay Rugby Union now. Yeah. Mr. Lines. Mr. Lines. That took me a little bit. Now, Shannon, your last name's Trim. You should have been a hairdresser. Well, that's the thing. Yeah. Mr. Lyons. Mr. Lyons. That took me under the second. Now, Shannon, your last name's Trim. You should have been

a hairdresser. Well, that's the thing. I freelance hairstyle. Hit me up if you need, boys. I know you're in the business. But yeah, no. And then I have an auntie

who's a hairdresser, but she's not a trim, so she really missed out. Oh, no. Or you should be like a pubic, a pubic maintainer. Yeah, Shannon Trim.

Shannon Trim. Pubic maintainer. Or I could get into the milk business maybe. Oh, yes. Yeah, just add some water. Jared, your last name is Pickstock. You could just go to like a field of cows and be like, that one. Yeah.

One of my cousins is a surgeon in Canada and her name is Dr. Grief. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't want to go to Dr. Grief. Don't want to know. Dr. Grief will see you now. You go to get a vasectomy at the same clinic and it's Dr. Slip. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, We want to take your calls now. Text through 9696. Does your name suit your job? Or do you know? Have you met someone at a job and you're like,

that name suits the job? What's the name of the chef? Mr. Cook. I mean, that's a common name, a last name. There'd definitely be some chefs. Totally. With the last name Cook. Yeah.

We want to know if your name suits your job because a man who has just been named in charge of WorkSafe is called Mr. Hazard. Steve Hazard. That's so good. So many messages. And Victoria, does your name suit your job? It's not me. It's actually some people that I know.

Okay. So two teachers in my old high school, our cooking teacher, her name was Mrs. Pam. Mrs. So, two teachers in my old high school, our cooking teacher, her name was Mrs. Ham. Mrs. Ham? Mrs. Ham. Yum. Yum, I love glazed ham. Yum, I love ham.

I love even glazed ham. Or like chunky ham in an omelette. Yeah, man, just anything. Yeah, okay. And the second teacher? And our sewing teacher was Mrs. Patton. Patton. Mrs. Patton.

That is so good Yes That's good So good, so good Victoria, thank you Delwyn, does your name suit your job? My last name is Hosey And my brother-in-law is a fireman He's Mr Hosey the fireman

Please tell me he's in charge of the Hose, my God. He's Mr. Hosey the fireman. Yeah. Please tell me he's in charge of the hoses. He should be in charge of the hoses. He likes the things. That's so good. Delwyn, thank you. Pam, your dad, his last name suits his job.

It did. He used to work a lot in construction, and then he became a teacher, and he taught woodwork, and his name was Mr. Wood. Oh, my God. That's so good. And I mean, when they were like, oh, we want to change the name, we're not calling it woodwork anymore, we're calling it hard textiles. He would have been like, no. Yeah, no, that's what he left.

That's what he left. I'm out. He's like, they're not giving me any respect. Mr. Hard Textiles. Yeah. Thanks for your call. Some messages. My sister-in-law is an archaeologist and her name is Dr. Graves.

Oh, wow. Dr. Graves. Oh, this one's a good one. Surname Hutton and he's a policeman. And of course Hutton was pork luncheon made out of pigs. Oh, yeah. It's a bit of a get there, but when you get there, it's good. Ben Waters and he works for the Wellington Water Company.

Oh, so good. My last name is Nurse, and would you believe it, I'm a registered nurse when people find out the jokes are endless. Oh, you've been explaining that every day, haven't you? You're Nurse Nurse. Nurse Nurse. Give me the Nurse Nurse. I need a nurse I need a nurse My old man's name is Sandy and his job is he sells sand to golf courses and everyone just thinks

it's his name because he sells sand but it's not his actual name This one's popping off Every now and then we'll do one of these fun and topics It might be thin pickings but we'll find a few won't we This one's just great stuff There's so many great messages.

And some of them remind me of when you were a kid, you'd be like, have you heard about that new book called Rusty Bed Springs by I.P. Knightley? Yeah. Yeah. Our last name is Parrish, and my husband's uncle's a Catholic priest. Oh, my God, Mr. Parrish. Father Parrish of the parish.

Taylor, does your name match your job? Yeah, good day, guys. How you going? Good, Mr. Parrish. Father Parrish of the parish. Taylor, does your name match your job? Yeah, g'day guys. How you going? Good, good. Super good. Great, Taylor. Just want to say I'm a long time listener. I knew it! These guys will back up. I reached for the bell. The minute you said, how's it going? I was like, he's got the vibe.

Welcome! So Taylor, are you a tailor? That's correct Wow Fantastic Oh my god I've got a few clothes That need to be let out

At the seams Actually What kind of tailoring Do you do? Do you make suits and such? Yeah exactly Wow Pants

Yep It's a dying art It is a dying art Yeah It's a tough trade To be a Well let's get a plug And where do you do this?

I work for Working Style. Oh, yeah. Nice piece. Nice piece. You've got a lot of power. That's where I want Aaron to get his wedding suit, actually. Whereabouts in New Zealand? Where do you want us to get our wedding suits?

I'm in Wellington. Oh, my God, I love Wellington. I was in Auckland. Oh, my God. Okay, because we're going to need our white linens for Hayley's wedding. You can't wear white linens to my wedding. I'm sorry. You just can't.

Does it get awkward doing the inside measurements sometimes, Taylor, when you get up to the right under the ball? We don't tend to do that anymore. There's ways around that. Really? Because that guy was doing that inside measurement for you. He's had to do it 10 times. Yeah, and he said you can't really get a good measurement

until you've got a handful. Yeah, because you need to sort of tuck them back so the seat is nice and tight. Low hangers. And then he measured from my balls to my butthole. Now, I'm not sure what that measurement was for. Just to make sure they're comfortable. Very nice measurement.

Very nice. Taylor, thank you for your call. And sorry to sully your profession. They're very professional. We've got a lot of government employees down there who need suits. So go and see our boy Taylor. Yeah, definitely. Thanks for your call.

Some messages in so many. Does your name match your job? Our last name is Watts, W-A-T-T-S. Electrician. My brother and my dad are both electricians. My married name is Curl, and I'm a hairdresser. Yes. I want to find the one from Onehunga High.

In the early 2000s, they had two teachers and people would start at the school and be like, no. No jokes. At Onehunga School back in the early 2000s, there was an electronics teacher called Mr. Sparks and a PE teacher called Mr. Fitness. What? Your last name's Fitness?

Your last name is Fitness. That's not a last name. No, it is. I'm trying to Google. What, like Alan Fitness? Alan Fitness. As a surname, Sophie Fitness. When did I meet someone and their last name was?

Fitness Furnishings in Hamilton. It was a family company and they were the fitnesses. No, they did couches for gyms. You're getting them confused. They did heavy couches so that you left them and you got to work out

at the same time. I can't find them. That's not a last name. I've never heard that ever. Limbs. You're getting them confused. They're heavy couches so that you lift them and you've got to work out at the same time. I can't find them. That's not a last name. I've never heard that ever. As a fitness, no, it definitely is. Former health and safety manager whose last name was Slaughter. Jeepers. Oh, yeah, okay.

I came across an accountant. His last name was Mr. Brokish. Our cooking teacher at Kaitaia High was Mrs. Cook. Yes. That's good. Good stuff. Our last name's Sergeant. My granddad reached Sergeant status in the Army,

so he was Sergeant, Sergeant. He just stopped there, right? You don't want to be Admiral, Sergeant. That's very confusing. Wasn't Admiral the Navy? Oh, man. I thought it was higher. Captain, Sergeant.

Major. Major. Major Sergeant. Major. Major Sergeant. Major Sergeant something. Sergeant Major is already a rank. Oh my God. So if he was Sergeant Major, he'd be Sergeant Major Sergeant. My sister and a friend had the same OB, gynecologist, called...

What? Mrs. Vagina. Dr. Poozy. P-U-Z-E-Y. Ooh. I'm surprised no one even got into the rectal area with that name. Yeah. Tom Kitchen was a Michelin star chef in Edinburgh.

Oh, brilliant. Oh, my God. I'm loving this. This is really good stuff. Mr. Hockey was a science teacher at New Plymouth Girls High, but he coached the hockey team. Do you think Mr. Hockey was like, this year can I do rugby?

Yeah, I'd really like to do cricket. And they're like, no. If I could. I had a doctor called Dr. Good Enough. I've got an appointment at nine. Oh, that'll be good enough. I'll go get him. Yeah, so many.

So good. So good. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM's. She's excited. She's taking her clothes off. Hello there and welcome to the great Kiwi Kettle Off.

I'm just going to say this before I forget. I said it was 30 amps, 32 amps. It's three channels at 32 amps, so 90-odd amps. We're back to higher a box. There's a power cord coming in that's thicker than a garden hose. I know. We are not going to blow fuses today. We are ready for the rematch.

We tried this last week, but all the fuses popped. So I'm the one to beat, basically, because I've started this whole thing by saying I'm a fast kettle, and then I won last week, and then we couldn't just let it be. Now, we also have a race day sponsor. Yeah, so Briscoe's heard this, and they sell kettles. You don't need to say this. Jared, I believe we had something made.

It's in Showbiz A, because Briscoe said, Tammy herself, the Briscoe's lady, messaged me and said, I hear you're playing with an Anko. Oh, right, okay. She wasn't happy with that. Yeah, right. And if I could just have my race day sponsor credit. Vaughn's race day sponsor is Briscoe's. Oh, my God.

He's going to start with a new kettle. Introduce to you the Sunbeam Kyoto City Collection. Oh, you can't do this. Out of this box, I'm going to get filled up with water. You have to stick with your shenanigans. That was a factory tuck, too. You've just taken open that factory tuck. I know, factory tuck.

Oh, that's nice. Look out for chubby chopsticks. Okay, that's nice. Oh, that's nice. You know what? Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Daddy's taking this home for some brownie points after the race.

Wow. That's very good. Even if it doesn't win, that's nice. Look at this. Listen to this. We've after the race. Wow. That's very good. Even if it doesn't win, that's nice. Look at this. Listen to this. We've got different race day conditions. Yeah. So, okay.

So each kettle. It's not soft open. Mine's soft open. Each kettle on the table has one, exactly one litre of water measured. So Vaughan's going to plug his kettle and we're going to put the one litre in. Now we do have a chance for you to win, thanks to Race Day sponsor, Briscoe's. We've

got three $500 Briscoe's vouchers, which, oh my God, that would be so much fun. Yeah. Go on, you know, go on a sale day. I mean... Oh my God. If you go on a sale day, you're getting like $2,000 worth of stuff. Well, I mean... Oh my God, I'm girl-mathing this. You're girl-mathing this. Voucher.

Voucher. Go on a Thursday or a weekend. To win, all you've got to do is text the word kettle, leave a space, and then the name of the person who you think is going to win this race. It could be Hayley. So we've got Hayley on the Breville. We've got Fletch on the KitchenAid.

Now we've got Vaughan on the brand new, straight from the box, Sunbeam. Yep. We've got... To be honest the brand new, straight from the box, Sunbeam. Yeah. We've got... To be honest, I was thinking that it would have been good to have the anchor here as well. No, too late. You've made your bed.

I might time this and then just do it later at home. You've accepted big, big sponsor. I have accepted. Well, you know, I'm just... Someone just called you a sellout. They called you an absolute Dan Carter. I'm just trying to get the company afloat. We've got you, Dan Carter.

We've got the company afloat over here. Don't worry about it. Hang on, we've got to finish afloat. We've got you, Dan Carter. I'm just trying to keep the company afloat over here. Don't worry about it. Hang on, we've got to finish the other three. We've got Jared on the Canbrook. We've got Shannon on the secondhand Morphe Richards Tony Streets hand-me-down. Which apparently you get in Australia. It's a big posh brand in Australia. Super grunty.

They grunted last time. And we've got producer Carwin on a zip. We've got a good spread of brands here. Yeah, we do, don't we? Oh, everyone's texting. Everyone's in for Hayley. Also, H-O-Y-L-E-Y. It's all good. Oh yeah, people have been defending you

with the A-I-L-E-Y. It's fine, it's fine. I'm happy. Get your texts in with who you think's going to win to 9696. We're going to come back next and we're going to turn all the kettles on. Finally, put this to bed. We're going to have to have a lot of fingers on a lot of switches. Yes, we'll go three, two, one.

We'll engage kettles. And then we wait. So we'll get the race underway next. The Great Kiwi Kettle Off. Hello there, and welcome to the Great Kiwi Kettle Off. We did it last week, we blew fuses, we've hired a big bloody industrial

sized construction power in and outlet. We've got six kettles, all different brands, ready to go. Three producers with their fingers poised to flick. And this is all because Hayley says, I've got the fastest kettle. Yeah, and we did the test and I did.

Who's got the sexiest kettle? Come on. Vaughan's come in with this brand new sunbeam from Briscoe. It's a race day sponsor. Beautiful. Look at mine. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I like Fletcher's.

Yeah, thank you. Only because it reminds me of R2-D2. Yeah, but if in the context of my kitchen, the blue kettle, I mean, it's fantastic. It goes with the cupboards and the green. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Jared's black kettle goes with everything. Sleek.

Carlin's reminds me of Nan's. Yeah, my mum had all red stuff for a while. Yeah, and Shannon got herself Tony Street. Well, that woman knows interior design, and I'm terrified to say a word against her. Yeah. All right, so I think we'll go 3, 2, 1, click. On tempo.

3, 2, 1, click. Not yet, not yet. One litre of water and each all came out of the same tap. Yes. Simultaneously. As close to the same temperature as we can get. Yeah. All one litre. Yeah. All running off the same power.

Yeah. Now, any update off the same power. Yeah. Now, any update from the electricians? But just before we press... They're happy. They're happy for us to proceed. The amps and the wattage and everything. We got 90 amps through three phase or whatever we should be able to do. Okay, the great Kiwi Kettle Off to settle this once and for all. Whose kettle is the fastest?

Turn on the kettles, producers, and three, two, one, click. Okay. Silence. Silence befalls the studio as everybody just wants to. Everybody literally looked at their own kettle. Oh, my God, it's on. Okay, it's on. It's on.

Now, the zip has a lovely orange on light. Yeah, it does. The next kettle, is there a light there? Yeah, a camera's got a light on the little... It's fancy, though. Where's mine illuminate? Oh, you've got an illuminate. Oh, you've got a resin.

It said on here on the box, it says illuminate. Oh, we've got boiling already. Oh, okay. Now the mic is picking up the loud zip. It's the zip. Okay, Carly. Loud doesn't mean fast. No, loud doesn't.

Might be putting a large drain on the power, but that doesn't mean it's going to be the most effective boiler. Because I was told my Breville is quite a quiet one as well, quiet and fast. My jug has a temperature on the top. What's it saying? 35. 35 degrees.

Yeah, we're a third of the way there. Let's just go across to the sideline mic for a moment, please. Yeah, that's good stuff. That'll put a baby to sleep. Yeah, that's humming. That's humming. Oh, I forget we need to get hot again, aren't we? We got steamed last time. Yeah, that's good stuff. That'll put a baby to sleep. Yeah, that's humming. That's humming. Oh, I forget when we get hot again, aren't we? We got steamed last time.

We did get steamed last time. Yeah, the studio got very steamy. Sort of a Swedish sauna situation. Your dark blue, almost black kettle that you claim is the fastest kettle in the world, does it have a light on it? Yeah, it's got a light on the switch. It's a beautiful, sleek design there from Breville. What's the current temperature? 52 degrees. Shoot, that's fast a light on the switch. It's a beautiful sleek design there from Breville.

What's the current temperature? 52 degrees. That's halfway to boiling. That's fast actually. I'm going to win this. I can't see all the switches from my position. I can see one side, you can see the other. Sunbeam coming out. Sunbeam coming out.

The race day sponsor from Briscoe is coming in hot. It's got a matching toaster. Briscoe, if you would like to send me the matching toaster, I am absolutely open to that. Oh, my God. Come on, Dan Carter. Come on. You're tuning into Dan Carter of the Chemist Warehouse.

Now, to the person who says they're embarrassed to say they're sitting in their car in the driveway listening to the kettle off rather than going inside, don't be. Don't go anywhere. The current temperature reading, Jared. 69. 69. Okay, we're seconds away. We're seconds current temperature reading. Jared. 69. 69! Okay, we're seconds away. We're seconds away.

Okay. I'd say the most steam is coming from the sunbeam, but this is also the first time it's been boiled, so we might be having some chemical burn-off. Could be some chemical burn-off, a bit of dust. Yeah, could be, could be. Producer Jared, a temperature reading. 80.

80! Oh! Okay. Eyes on. Oh, okay. Eyes on the lights, please. Eyes on the lights. Eyes on the lights. We'll start hearing clicks as soon as the race is getting close.

We're getting to the boil. I can't see any steam coming out of yours. Temperature? 87. 87. That's 13 degrees of boiling. Everyone's rumbling. Everyone's rumbling.

The most steam seems to be coming from the sunbeam Could be trying to click off any minute Wait, oh it's boiling. I can see mine boiling on the side 95 the sunbeams boiling the sunbeams rocking itself watch closely watch closely Everybody's boiling I can see everything is boiling. It's going to flip itself off. What was that? Oh, my God. What's wrong? Hayley, Hayley.

No, but I know the sun is flipping itself. What happened there? Let's get an action replay. Oh, my God. The handbook's gone. Okay, wait. Mine clicked off first. Mine is gone.

My kid all said it was at 100 degrees. But they all get to 100 until they click off. I feel I'm owed a team apology. The new sunbeam has popped its top. It's absolute waste of company money to do this retort. Oh, no. Is it even on? Shannon, what happened?

I don't know. She's cold. You just clicked it off just then. The Tony Street Toast kettle was not on? Did you not switch it on? Yeah, it was on for a bit. Oh, the Tony Street Toaster. I think that's why she gave that to you.

Nice. Which one clicked off the first? Producer Jared, can we have a final definite ruling, please? It was mine. I saw it. So Fletcher's hit 100, but the Breville turned off, and then Fletcher's turned off. Yeah.

Where was the sun, babe? Ractress, applause, please. The Breville won. No, but I got to a hundred. It doesn't matter. It didn't click off. You're not pouring a cup of tea before it clicks off. Except defeat.

The Breville is the fastest jug. I say we do it again with thermometers in every one. Oh, my God. It's not about the temperature. It's when the jug decides it has clicked off. Okay, okay. I couldn't see the side of the kettles. Who are we awarding the winner of the Great Kiwi Kettle Off?

The Breville. No, Hayley. Hayley has done it. Hayley has done it. I just want to say thank you so much to everyone. This was a lot of fun, but at the end, I never doubted that the Breville was the fastest. That's why I came in and said, I've got a fast kettle.

You challenged me. Accept defeat. We're like one second faster than my kettle. Accept defeat. It's faster. I want to hear you say that you accept defeat. I'm going to pen a letter to KitchenAid saying my water hit 100, but it didn't click off. It doesn't click off.

All of them were literally, I could see the water bubbling in all of them. Yours was rocking. To be honest, all... It has popped a top in a row. Apart from the Tony Street hand-me-down kettle, which it sounds like was the reason she handed it down to Shannon. The sometimes boil.

Classic Tony Street blowing out everybody else's candle to make hers shine brighter. I've got to tell you, victory feels very sweet today. Very sweet indeed. Unbelievable. Well, congratulations Hayley Springer. I don't think the ANCO could have won. I'm texting Aaron. Leave that thing here.

Tomorrow we'll do the ANCO. We won. Give it up, Bourne. You've got a brand new sunbeam. You go home victorious as well. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day on Sesame Street Week is that there is approximately 30 international versions

of Sesame Street. Oh. And aren't there different colours or something? So big birds are a whole lot of different colours. That's right. Purple somewhere? Yeah, the different big birds also were made to represent birds known to the area.

Oh. So like the South American big bird had a slightly bigger beak, so it had a sort of a parity sort of a vibe to it. But yeah, Big Bird addressed this. Somebody actually sent this to me on Instagram saying, has this been your fact of the day? I said, well, to be honest, today we are doing a fact about Sesame Street around the world,

so I can totally mention it. And Big Bird addressed it in February 2021. I heard my friends on Twitter were asking about my cousins around the world. There's a lot of bird cousins in different countries. And here's a little bit about them. And then he told the story of all the different birds that appear on Sesame Street in his place for around the world. Afghanistan's got its own Sesame Street.

It's got a lot of the same characters but it's got Zari who is a six-year-old girl. Muppet. Yeah. Oh, Muppet girl. Yeah, and Zirak who is Zari's brother.

So there's countries all around the world with their own. Israel, Indonesia. Wow. India. Gali Gali Sim Sim is the name of Sesame own. Israel, Indonesia. Wow. India. Gali Gali Sim Sim is the name of Sesame Street. Gali Gali Sim Sim. Gali Gali Sim Sim.

But there's no Australasian. So in Australia, there was Ollie, a yellow-orange Muppet, who is a cousin of Elmo, who introduced Sesame Street when it played on Nick Jr. Oh, okay, right. Oh, g'day. G'day, guys. It's me, it's Ollie.

Oh, yeah. He probably swore a bit. Yeah. He probably swore a bit. I guzzled a couple of bloody pieces and I'm ready to go. Oh, I'm just going to whoop outside and have a smoke. You watch what's happening with my mate, Alma, my cousin Alma taking care of things down on Sesame Street.

So China, Egypt, Germany. Cool. happening with my mate Alma my cousin Alma taking care of things down on Sesame Street yeah so China Egypt Germany Germany's had a very extensive history of Sesame Street Japan

Kuwait even had its own Sesame Street with its own characters including yeah regional versions and just

different colours of Sesame Street favourites it would be cool if we had a Maori Muppet you know who like intro'd our

show yeah little Maori Muppet that would be cool if we had a Maori Muppet, you know, who like intro'd our show. Yeah. A little Maori Muppet. That would be cool. Got a moko. Yeah. Bit of a tunny five on.

Yeah. Yeah. There's an idea. So today's fact of the day on Sesame Street week is that there are over 30 local versions of Sesame Street around the world, including many are different coloured and slightly different looking big birds. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Great story

Out of the Asian games which are happening at the moment There's a 3000 metre Relay roller skate That's a thing I was about to ask why I hadn't heard of the Asian games And then you said 3000 metre roller skate And I was like That'll be why

Doesn't sound real does it So the Asian Games are on the South Korean roller skater lost his team the gold medal by 0.01 seconds. That hurts. Because just before the line

he threw his arms up and was like I've won this. You haven't. When the roller skater on his right from Taiwan just pipped him. Oh, my God. That must hurt so much. Came from behind, pipped him by like a tiny fraction, like 0.01. What country were they from?

Taiwan. Was it a tie or did they won? I've really let Eric in. What is with you today? That's me for the day. Yeah, yeah. I think you're done. Headphones off.

Off you pop. Ladies and gentlemen, producers, thank you for the show. I'll catch you all tomorrow. So what makes this even funnier is that... Vaughan just made a cracking pun? Yeah, that's what made it funnier. In South Korea, people aged between the ages of 18 and 28

must do military service for one and a half to two years. Yes. And because they missed out on the gold medal, they will now have to do military service, the entire team. Whereas if they'd won a gold, it would have made them exempt

from military service. Oh my God, because this guy was like, yes! Yes. Because you do, the moment you think you've won, you pull back. You've got to keep going. You've got to keep going. Pass the line, yeah. Unless you're Usain Bolt.

Remember when he was so much faster than everybody? He used to look back and laugh. Which no one ever does, right? How demoralising. You're running as fast as you can. You're one of the world's fastest men, and the guy who's just faster than you is so much faster. He can turn around and be like, ha, ha, ha.

Did you see him with the American guy? And he would be running and looking at him and teasing him, like, come on, do it. And he'd be like, whoop. Well, I wanted to know, is there anybody listening now that's been in the situation where you celebrated too soon? Yeah. And it doesn't need to have been like a sporting race.

It could have just been like. What about you got offered it. You got like, you think you're getting this new job. And so you're like, yes. And you go out and you spend all this money because you got this new job. And then you're like, oh, actually that's fallen through. Speaking from experience. Yeah.

As a freelancer, it's always like, yep, it's looking good. You've got it. You've locked in. Here's the money. And you're like, sweet. I'm going to start spending that. Even telling people about something. Oh, yeah, don't do that.

It's a celebration in a way. You tell people about this exciting new thing, and then it falls through, and you're like, I should never have told them. We want to know when you celebrated too early. A roller skate relay race at the Asia Games. A team loss, a Korean team loss by 0.01 seconds because he celebrated early, and Taiwan was like, a Korean team lost by 0.01 seconds because he celebrated early

and Taiwan was like, straight in there. Pipped them at the post. Keenan, when did you celebrate too early? Yeah, so I bought a Texas Hold'em scratchy and I scratched up all the cards

and I thought I'd won 500k, so I pulled up the misters and I thought I'd won 500k. So I pulled up the misters. We'd planned a trip overseas and all. Went to pick her up from work. I'm playing, I think it's P.I. and Justin Timberlake. The song's like,

You're Looking at a Winner. I'm like, what are you getting out around this? Yeah. Oh, dude. Oh, no. A lot of shots. Turns out I don't know how to play Texas Hold'em because I won nothing.

Oh, my god. So you thought you won half a million dollars. I mean, it literally sounds like you just wrote an instant Kiwi ad and they'll get the right to that song. In reverse. Except at the end, yeah, Twisters, you would actually win. Oh my god. Oh, that's

so funny. I can't even believe you're calling up to admit that. That's quite ballsy. Because then you feel like you've lost half a million dollars. It was never yours. That was about 10, 15 years ago, so I'm over it now. Yeah, okay. Oh, that's so good. Some messages in.

When did you celebrate too early? Somebody asked on a scratch. He thought I'd won $1,000 on a scratch. Yeah, it turned out I'd scratched the wrong letter. Sounds like a crossword mistake there. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'd also won nothing. Also, you get the app

out because you can scan it on the app before you celebrate. Before you go to a store and make it. If you really want to take the fun out of a scratcher, you don't even need to play the scratcher. You just scratch the barcode and scan it with the app. When did you celebrate too early? Some messages in. My friend's family had his funeral and he had not died.

Is that one of those living funerals? Oh, yeah. So you can hear what everybody has to say about you before you're dead? I kind of like those. Yeah, same. They're like less... Oh, but I don't want one. You know me, though.

Center of attention, compliments, just people talking about me. You should just do one every year. Music. Oh, my God, mate, it's my birthday this week. You may be able to turn it into a funeral. Yeah. No, you guys won't come then because you won't want to give me beautiful words. Well, not if we have to dress up.

Oh, I'm not doing beautiful words Yeah everyone who's coming to my birthday this weekend Has to go around the table and say beautiful words about me It's my birthday and you're well attained Have you ever been in a birthday where they've done that? All the time All my friends are actors Horrible

Horrible Especially when you're the last person And everyone's used like the four nice things Yeah You see I just really Stand by what everyone else has said. Yeah. Back up. We want to double down on that.

Some other messages in. I literally did this last week. I was so confident I had a new job in the bag that at an auction on a house, I went to an auction on a house based on my new salary. They called me the same afternoon saying they actually wanted someone who could speak fluent Japanese. And I said, how has this never come up? Konnichiwa. Hi, Kazanas.

I know. You'd think that would be in the first paragraph of the job application. Gosh. Early in it. It sounds like a complete cop-out, doesn't it? Yeah. Oh, actually, you need to speak Japanese. Sorry. For a job that's not? Yeah. Oh, actually, you need to speak Japanese. Sorry.

For a job that's not in Japan, but, you know. I got a verbal job offer to become a nurse in Australia. It would be double my current wage. Quit my job on the spot. Called the landlord and broke my lease. Oh, no. Booked flights. And then they called me and said they'd filled the role internally.

And then you'd go back to your boss and be like, carve it back? But you know what? If you're being a nurse here and you quit, I'm pretty sure they'll take you back because there's a shortage. Yeah. For sure. But also, surely there's other jobs in Australia.

Yeah. I mean, don't go. Stay. Where are you going? Where would you want to leave? I celebrated early once. I was riding my bike down a giant hill and I celebrated for making it to the bottom before I stopped going fast

and I fell off and ended up with a pedal stuck in my leg. Yeah. My dad did the opposite. He got a letter from Bonus Bonds and he said to mum, I've won $500 on Bonus Bonds. And then the mum's like,

well, that's great news. And then she read it and he'd won $50,000. Oh my God. Extra zeros. Yeah. So many extra zeros. And it was just like, oh.

I thought they celebrated early with 500. Went to a charity ball. Bid on a trip to Bali thinking it was all inclusive. Started celebrating. Felt like I'd snapped up a bargain. Seven nights, eight people. Later to find out it was simply accommodation. It didn't include flights, food, transfers, nothing.

What? Oh, my God. What a stupid prize. It quickly turned into a very sad night for my bank account. Yeah. We celebrated too early when we applied for our Australian visa. We're from Latin America. Hola.

Hola. Hola. Si, papi. We sold all of our stuff, clothes, bed, appliances, everything, put our apartment up for sale, resigned from our jobs, and then our visa got declined. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. for sale, resigned from our jobs, and then our visa got declined. Oh my god!

Oh my god. Yeah. So Bebo lost the celebrating too early. Sunday night, thought this is the NRL, thought the Broncos had it in the bag, and then bloody Nathan Cleary absolutely ran rings around and took the Panthers to the top.

To the top. Grand champ. Champion. MVP. Oh, another. To the Panthers. Rings. To the Panthers. Top. To the top. Grand champ. Champion. MVP. Oh, another one in the bag. It's a Versace bag as well. If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates. You don't sound sincere there, boy. I'm just reading what's written here.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.