ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 6th June 2024

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

Another Hack from Shannon  Kmart Speaker Fiasco  Silly Little Poll!  What weird activity did you do in P.E?  What's Ya Jobby!  The Impossible Phoner!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Oh, it's already Thursday.

That's lovely. We just need to do that every week, I reckon. Nah, because it's already June. It is. And I don't know if you guys, so we're in winter and it feels like summer was two weeks ago. Yeah. Are we dying?

Are we moving towards death? We're on a run. I don't want to poo-poo anybody's Thursday, but we're on a one-way road to death. And nobody today is going to work in quitting because Lotto wasn't won last night. God damn it. It's no good.

It's $50 million, and it must be won on Saturday. If you win it, please give some of that away. That's too good. It's 50 million and it must be won on Saturday. If you win it, please give some of that away. That's too much. No, it's not. You do a little bit of charity? You mean to your friends, Vaughan? Charity? And Fletch.

Oh, I'd do rad charity. Yeah, I'd do rad charity. What would your charity be? Birds. Vaughan Smith. You'd go birds? I'd go pretty hard on that. Okay.

I'd just go sparrows. I like them. Save the sparrows. Worst bird. You're going birds. I go pretty hard on birds. I would. I'd just go sparrows. I like them. Save the sparrows. Worst bird. Save the city pigeons. Yeah, save the city pigeons and sparrows. Terrible birds. I want those.

Inner city pigeons need love too. I'd just be on the back of a... It sounded like you were about to start a rap. Inner city like... That was because it's that... Inner city pigeons. Yeah, inner city pigeons. They need love.

No, actually, I hate pigeons. Inner city pigeons living under bridges. Yeah. Eating breads and seeds. They've got their own needs. Inner city pigeons. Scared of the seagulls. Yeah.

I couldn't think of it. I was going to say, what do you think of seagulls? It's a hard rhyme. Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah. I don't know how good you guys are at rapping. Shitting on my car, shitting on my head, shitting on my car shitting on my head shitting in my bread eating on my bread

wow I'm tired that's terrible that's so bad for you that's I expected more I'll see you guys at the freestyle rap comp

on Saturday yeah with a guy rapping about pigeons see you at the cypher the top six is coming up it is a wild story

was this in the UK I don't know where it is. I just saw a headline and laughed. A woman woke up on the embalming table. She was in a rest home. She was believed to be dead. And then they took a pulse and they were like, she's dead. Oh, so she had a momentary, hey, I'm back, y'all.

And then on the embalming table, where it all starts, she went and woke up. Died again soon after. But she wasn't dead the first time. So I've got the top six ways to test if your corpse is actually dead. Well, that's good. I think this is going to be one of the most helpful top sixes we've had. Other than just, what, the pulse, which is the normal way?

No, at this point, the pulse let them down. It didn't work. It didn't work, didn't it? Okay. Because sometimes very weak pulse. Yeah, very, very weak pulse, but it was still alive. Producer Shannon Soon has another hack that she'd like to bring to the table. Shannon's hacks.

Shannon's hacks. Five stars, man. Do we need a... Shannon's hacks. Five stars, Max. I know Producer Jared was away next week, but we must get an intro made. You're cursing him for next week too.

What did I say last week? What is he getting next week? I'm hanging out with him on Saturday. COVID too. We can't be having that. Oh, for God's sake. Another one? Auto-erotic asphyxiation.

I reckon that's the way he's going to go over the weekend. I knew it. Someone might find him in time, but he's going to need a week in ICU. Sometimes you need... That'd be nice, actually. A week in ICU. Oh, give nice, actually, a week in ICU. Give me some sleep!

All the good fluids. All the good fluids! Yeah. As a taxpayer, I demand the fluids. Just three small meals a day. I'm getting shredded, man. No, I'm in ICU. I'm not eating. That's what I mean, a little tube fed.

I'm not eating slamming burgers. I'm not eating. That's what I mean, little tube fed. Oh, tube fed. Yeah, those fine KG. Uh-huh, catheter. I'm not getting up to wee. Oh my God, fantastic. That's waking me up at night. Is there a butt catheter? Where does the poop go when you're in a coma?

At the bottom. Yeah, I don't know where it goes. I don't think you're producing too much poop. We need to know. I know it's the start of the show. Nurses will be finishing a shift or starting a shift.

Yeah. They'll know. Salt of the earth, good bastards, nurses. They would love to have us just in ICU just because we're tired. There's a poop catheter. There's a poop catheter. Okay.

Poop catheter. How far up the bum is it? That sounds like a... And what's the seal like on that? Exactly. Because I feel like that's... They'd liquidise you. Oh, yeah, okay.

So that what you were not... You don't need a log flume. A bloody 40 mil PVC pipe from Plumbing World. Clocked on there. Nurses going into Bunnings. Bit of cork around the top to create a seal. Human Shazam is back at 8 o'clock this morning. Is it a jackpot this morning?

No, it was one. It was one last night. So $200 is the cash amount that you can win at 8 o'clock with Human Shazam. But next on the show, there's a girl making some money by any means necessary. It's going to get a bit grotty now. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. For God's sake

I just needed one of those coughs That was grim One of those vibrating coughs Benson Boone Shake it out of you baby Wow Professional as always It's ten past six

There is a woman who Now listen Now listen Let me preface this by saying, ooh. Yeah. Ooh warning. Trigger warning. Ooh, ooh content.

Side hustle, ooh, yup, trigger warning. Now, well, well, well, well, well, I've spoken about this. I actually spoke about it in my award-nominated stand-up comedy show. Not award-winning, though. Nah. But close. Wow. Top three shows out of the whole festival, and I didn't win. Not award-winning, though. Nah. But close. Wow. Top three shows

out of the whole festival and I didn't win. I didn't win number one. He was brought up in the 80s by a hard lady. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you want, a bloody certificate? Yeah. But I talked about the fact that OnlyFans sometimes does seem very alluring to me. Yeah.

Because we read a lot of stuff online in preparation for the show and you read about the kind of money these people are making sometimes. Some of them are making so much money. And we know that it's not always from getting your bits out. Well, you could get your feet out. I could get my feet out. I could fart in a bag.

I could blow up a balloon with my butthole. And people would pay for it. I'd pay to see it. I'll get it started. I think purely out of amazement. Yeah, logistically, that sounds quite hard. Yeah, how are you getting the seal? And you'd have to eat a lot of beans.

Yeah, totally. And then you're going to sharpen the balloon. Yeah. And then it's going to be too much. That's extra. There's probably an audience for that. Anyway, but then you read about people, they sell their like worn undies and worn socks,

all that kind of stuff. Well, there is a woman that's made a website out of this. It's called Suburbus. Suburbus. Okay. And the founder, who wishes to remain anonymous, by the way. Because of what you're about to say? It's a platform in which people can go there and sell

used things. Now we've got socks, we've got shoes, we've got undies. That's about $120. Jeez, okay. For a used pair of undies. Dirty pair of socks goes for about $44. You could literally buy a whole new pair of undies

and you're making like 80 bucks. Oh, you wouldn't be sending out your good undies though. You'd just get a five pack from Farmers when it was on special, 40% off. Joppies. Yeah, yeah, good stuff. Do a couple of skids in them and away they go. Do a workout.

Stanky. Send them away. There you go. You're making cash money. Hey, we're not here to yuck somebody's yum. No. Well, I'm yucking this next yum because also in the list of used things is used sanitary items.

Oh, wow. People are buying those? People are legitimately buying these. It's like, you know? I'm done. That's it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I will be seeing you all in hell.

She's like, we don't, you know, discriminate if people are into that thing and there's someone who's happy to give it and people are making money from it. So there's obviously a little audience. Yeah. Now famously, I don't really menstruate so I'm ruling that out of my future plans

to support the mortgage. I'm happy with the socks probably. You could do socks and feet on, only fans. Yeah, I don't have immensely smelly feet and my undies. The only thing is that I really, I wear my undies hard, you know, and I wear them till they need to be gone. You leave your undies a quarter mile at a time. I do, man.

And I don't know, maybe there's a market for that. See, I threw some out the other day because they started to get like holes by the waistband and I was like... What's wrong with holes in the waistband?

It's where your fingers go. Pull them up. Yes. Oh my God. I've got enough. I had a pair of undies that are so threadbare that I went like this

and I pulled them up and my fingers just went through them and I was like... Yeah. I was like, you're putting your foot in and a little toe snags on the hole and it's like... Yeah, I was like, probably time to go. I was like, you're putting your foot in and a little toe snags on the hole

and it's like, yeah, I was like, they're time to go. But I chucked them in the bin. I could have made like 120 bucks. That's, you've literally thrown away cash.

I've thrown away money. It was ridiculous. Down the drain. Or in the bin. Text us 9696 if you would be interested in purchasing some of FVH's used. Maybe whose undies you'd like? Well, maybe we

could put those on the merch store. Oh, yeah. Along with the t-shirts. Or we could have FVH undies, and then second box, FVH undies worn by. Oh, yeah, okay. And we'll wear them. But wait, does the company get this money? Hell no. They can have the money for

the unworn merch. Okay. I demand a cut of my unworn merch. But we get 100% proceeds of unworn merch. Yeah. Okay. I demand a cut of my own worn merch. But we get 100% proceeds of worn merch. Our merch store is a church. It's the church merch. So we won't have to pay tax on it. Yes. Good from you.

Yeah. This is good from you. The church of FBH. I mean, we might be the first church to sell you as knickers. I tell you what, we're a groundbreaking church here. Pioneers. Well, like legitimately online, Vaughn. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. Play ZM, like legitimately online, Vaughn, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We head now to... Shannon's Hacks. Shannon's Hacks. Five stars max for Shannon's Hacks.

We refuse to get a jingle done. No, I prefer to do it. I think we'll make a jingle. She's going to earn a jingle. We'll get a jingle. At least a three star hack. Now, last time we had a no-star. I stood by no-star.

You stood by no-star. Remind us of a couple of your hacks before we get to this latest one. Okay, so my favourite, which was apparently your least favourite, was when you can't get home after a night out, order a takeaway delivery kebab to your house and then ask the delivery driver for a ride. Because you don't have a phone, remember.

You don't have a phone. Yeah, and you guys thought that was unrealistic. We're like, which delivery places are doing delivery kebabs? Yeah, you just end up with a cold kebab

on your front doorstep because the driver wouldn't give you a ride. You're just pessimistic. Also, the three-way sandwich. Cut your sandwich into a Y and then you've got three perfect bites.

I was sort of into that. I like that one. That was a good one. The party hack that requires you to have a 300 square metre house. The VIP section at the house party was truly a weak hack. Truly, not even a hack. But here we are back for a

Shannon hack. Five stars incoming. So you're hosting a party and you're like, how big's the house? Is there a VIP section? No VIP. I've learnt my lesson. I've learnt my lesson. Let's say it's the six of us.

Let's make it like personal. So we're back. We're doing the podcast. I call it more of a soiree than a party. Okay, we're doing a soiree. We've done like the podcast record or something. What time is it? I'm absolutely going for home.

Stephen has got his Ubers ordered. He's got his phone like this. going for home. Stephen has got, he's Uber's ordered. He's got his phone like this. Okay, well, we're like, let's have one more drink. Let's have some fun. So you know how Fletcher has that gorgeous bar cart and he's got lots of things.

So like there's spirits, but there's also like liqueurs and other things. So the game is all of us leave the room. We go into like, I don't know, the bathroom. Maybe not the bathroom.

We go for a photo. We're taking a ring photo. Yeah, yeah. We go into like, I don't know, the bathroom. Maybe not the bathroom. We go for a photo. We're taking a ring photo. Yeah, yeah. We go away. And then each person one by one takes something from the bar cart and pours one shots worth into a cocktail shaker. So we're making rocket fuel. Yeah, rocket fuel.

This is how we made rocket fuel. You're making King's Cup basically. No, because you don't have to put a spirit. You could be good and put like grenadine or soda water. You don't know what the last person put. This is the drinking version of that thing where you fold paper and draw a monster. Yes.

Isn't that fun? It's fun when you're drawing a monster, not potentially mixing something that's going to make you blind. Also, we used to do Kings Cup with friends. There was always one girl on the mud shakes. And so I'd be on a Merlot was always one girl on the mud shakes. Uh-oh. And so I'd be on a Merlot, and then someone's on a bourbon.

Someone has their cruiser. Someone's got their vodka cruiser, and then someone comes in with a mud shake to curdle it right up. Maybe we make a no milky rule. Like, don't curdle this. It's not going to be a nice drink. It's also going to be so highly alcoholic. I'm going to say zero stars from me for this one.

I'll be heading to the fridge and adding in a fair dash of soda water. I'll be honest. You could add soda water, grenadine, a liqueur. But you don't know what the last person's added. That's the fun. Why not make a nice cocktail that everybody likes? Yeah, why don't we all, we could collab on a cocktail and say what should we do next my friends Some hodgepodge

franken cocktail Take turns making cocktail each Do we agree this hack sucks It's the worst one yet It's worse than the VIP hack You have not earned a jingle You guys have no zest for life We have no zest

I have mucho zest for life Your hacks are like non-Christian Christian party tricks. Yeah. Guys, here's a fun idea. We're all going to go in the other room and one by one we're going to come back and do something. And then we're going to go and then we're going to deal with the consequence of it all being there. You genuinely are the IRL five minute hack from Facebook feed.

I love that. Where they're like, pour concrete into your brand new shoe and now you have a cup holder for your garage. Okay, zero, is it a zero, unanimous zero? I'll give it one.

One. Because there's drinks. Okay, one. And I'll probably drink it. And I'll have a taste. One star. Work on that for next time, please, Shannon.

Is there Midori on your bar cart? Because I want to be a dick. I want to add that in. No. I don't drink Midori because I spewed it up when I was 17 on my friend's carpet. Oh, that was 80 years ago, mate.

You've got to get back on the Midoris. Is he? Wait, so he's 97 years old? He's 97 years old. And he looks amazing. I look great from 97. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. A Nebraskan woman declared dead in a nursing home. Hours later, wakes up on the embalming table. Apparently Constance had been ill. Yeah. And so it was kind of like expected that she wasn't going to, you know. Her death was expected. So when she stopped breathing.

Somebody must have jumped the gun. Yep. You hear about this though, eh? Like that's so bad. People waking up in the fridge. Nearly two hours after the declaration of death. Two hours? Yeah.

Constance, whose name comes from the Latin constant or steadfast, exhibited something truly steadfast. She breathed again. Then they called the, they called 111. I must have a really low resting heart rate. Yeah. Bit of bradycardia or whatever it's called. And she was alive, but then died sometime later. But I, you know, you gotta check these things.

Yes, you do. I'm no doctor, but I believe you to check these things. Yes, you do. I'm no doctor, but I believe you've got to check these things. So I've got the top six ways to test if your old corpse is actually dead. Okay. Now, this will only work on older people. Okay. This won't work on a young corpse. Okay.

Number six on the list. Woff the bag of Werther's Originals under their nose. Oh, they can't help. Like poppers they give people to wake their mouth out of a shock. Yeah. The salts. The sniffing salts. Did I call them poppers?

They're not poppers. Poppers, I believe, the homosexual community used to loosen the anus. Would that wake up a person? The juice is on the loose! Or it all cleans their couch. It's leather cleaner. All clean their couch. I dare I say it,

even if a homosexual couple had poppers and a leather couch, very little couch cleaning going on. And I would say we collectively know so many homosexuals, none of whom own leather couches. No. It's interesting. It's illegal now. It's for the harnesses.

Yeah, it's illegal. Is it? I thought we were living in a free country. It's been illegal. It's for the harnesses. It's the cladding stars. Yeah, it's illegal. Is it? I thought we were living in a free country. It's been illegal for a while. They've brought back pseudo-effigy and they can't bring back ammo? Can we still work? Bring back the poppers. I'm starting in March to Parliament.

Well, why don't you message David Seymour? I will. He needs to loosen up. Yeah, if you're such a libertarian. Oh, yeah, he needs a little sniffy-wiffy. Bring back... I've got no skin in the game. I just felt like getting passionate about something silly.

You can get a prescription from your doctor. For that. Couch cleaner. Yeah. It's a thing. It's a thing. I was discussing this. People hold a lot of tension in the anus.

The jaw in the anus. You know when you release, you often try asking to release your Anos. Maybe that's what it's for. Well, anyway, we've been sidetracked. We have been. Are we still allowed to whip cream? No. Make cakes.

Are we still going to the dairy to whip cream? Only to make cakes. Only to make cakes. That's why it's important you walk in in a white top and with one of those crinkled hats on. I'm a baker. Yeah, and be like, I'm the village baker.

I've got short. I need some natural socks. I'm in baker. Yeah, and be like, I'm the village baker. I've got shot. I need some natural socks. I'm in, cake whip. Borat came in there. Yeah, Borat. A little bit of Borat at the end. So waft a bag of Werther's Originals under their nose and they'll immediately bounce back to life

and say something along the lines of, I really should've. Yeah. But okay then. But I shall. Oh, my watch has just told me we're being loud. Shut up, watch. Sorry. Sorry for having fun. Sorry. Next time my watch will be telling me, but I shall. Oh, my watch has just told me we're being loud. Shut up, watch. Sorry.

Sorry for having fun. Sorry. Next time my watch will be telling me, no poppers. Fun police is here. Number five on the list of the top six ways to test if your old corpse is actually dead. Leave the TV on the same volume as the show goes from show to adverts. They'll sit bolt upright and tell you the ads are too loud. Yeah, they will.

They will do that. They'll come back from the brink of death. Oh, for God's sake, why do the ads have to be so loud? Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six ways to test if the old corpse is actually dead. Put a smidge of paprika on their food. The overwhelming spice will wake them up.

Oh, my God, that smells so spicy. What is that made of? In what country do they eat these? Oh, gosh, that's hot. Get me some milk. Number three on the list of the top six ways to test if an old corpse is actually dead. Put on some modern music.

They'll have to wake up to tell you it's not as good as music was on their day. Yeah, they will. Or they should put on the new Eminem diss track. They won't like that at all. No, they will not. And number two on the list of the top six ways to tell if an old corpse is actually dead.

Sleep in past nine on a weekday. Wake up and decide you're not going to go to work and have a mental health day. The old corpse will be so upset that you've got a shit work ethic. They'll wake up and say, you would never have got away with that in my day. We used to work 15 hours a day, eight days a week. Yeah. Yeah.

I love telling you that. Lazy. Number one on the list of the top six ways to test if an old corpse is actually dead. Turn on Te Karere and tell them the real news is on. I can't understand a word of what that lady's saying. The real news is on. Click Te Karere and tell them the real news is on. I can't understand a word of what that lady's saying. The real news is on. Click. Te Karere.

It'll wake them up. They won't be like, what the bloody hell are they saying? Yeah. Thanks, Nan. Thanks. All old people. That is today's top seven. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley.

Play ZM. Sletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Slight panic has been resolved. You thought that work had blocked some shopping websites. I tried to go on moochie.co.nz and it said gateway blocked. And I was like, well, are we all right? And then I quickly went to look at another website. I was like, well, I'll go to Gorman then. Yep.

Not working. Country road, not working. But we're back. I don't know what, I'll go to Gorman then. Not working. Country Road, not working. But we're back. I don't know what happened there. Suddenly all online shopping was just... What's a bad gateway? I know, because I could go on to like other sites and you thought there was a conspiracy against you. I was like, the boss, the bosses

have come in there and they'll be like, there's too much online shopping happening while they're on air. Yeah. Which is not true. But I'm back. Double negative them. Hey, speaking of shopping, there were people, that was so good. That was really good.

Thank you, I know. You're like getting really good at radio segways. I'm getting way better at radio. Couple more years and man, I'll be nailing it. People in Kmart Bethlehem Tauranga. A long time ago in Bethlehem saw the holy

Bible say. Not the holy Bethlehem. The holy Kmart. The holy Kmart of Bethlehem. It's the holiest Kmart in the whole country. An inn with a manger at the back. It did, yes. Between 2pm and 3pm, in

store, they were having a peruse around the shop, right? Okay, these people that were shoppers. People that were the shoppers and came up, Bethlehem, Tauranga, when over the overhead speaker, which is usually like in-store specials, or like, we've found a kid.

Is this your kid? Yep. Or Stacey to check out or whatever. They claim to have heard the soft sounds of female moaning coming out the speakers. And then it stopped. Like that. Softer.

Ew. That was harder for sure. Some, that more like, okay more in that territory. Yeah. Then it stopped and they were like, what? What was that? Weird. Nothing. Went about their life. Short time later, like a minute later, it started again. This

time with a little more intensity. So we can get a little bit of Wow, okay, well that's a lot. Ew, ew. It was 100% sexual female noises. So what, someone was holding like a porno to the speaker? Well, they said it didn't sound like exaggerated porn. Right.

It sounded like legitimate girl having a good time. Now, it's terrible that the two sound so different, but that's a different conversation. It was 100% this. Because you, I mean, we've picked up the odd in-store intercom, eh? Yep. Back in the day? Yeah.

Because they just have them in the aisle, a lot of them. And if you know the code, like star whatever, or sometimes you just pick them up and use them. Yeah. A lot of times people can do that. So that came out and said, like, we don't know what happened. Like, we're going to pass on your feedback to the appropriate team. Like, some other member was like, we don't need to talk about that.

Like, they were trying, like, the people were trying to hunt it down. Like, because there's the little phones in store where you would go to go on the thingy. And so someone went to go look and there was, like, no one there. There was just, like, another shopper who was like did you hear that? Do you reckon? I don't know how technology works. Say it was like two or three. That's after school.

That's after school pranks. It's just before around pick up. Could have been, you know, the last period off. Was this when? What day? I hate to say it. This has all come to light yesterday. Oh, yesterday. It was on a weekend.

It was on Sunday. Oh, it's kids. It's pranks. I know, but there would have been other kids in store, which is the terrible thing. So, yeah, so many people were jumping on the Kmart Facebook pages and be like, I heard it. Was anyone in Bethlehem Kmart and heard straight up porn over the speakers?

Yeah, they said they're looking into this. Yeah. What are you going to do? It's done now. Did they skip past the part at the front where it sets up the plot? Does anyone watch that? Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Watch that. Sup, babies? Sup, boys? Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole.

Sup, babies? Sup, boys? Can we get one from you? Sup, boys? Sup, boys? Yeah, there he is, the OG. He gave it all he's got. Do you like dress-up themed parties?

That's today's Silly Little Pole. And I tell you what, ladies and gents, boys and girls, everybody under the sun. Them's days and gays. Them's days and gays. It's a 50-50 split. Oh, wow. Interesting. It's a 50-50 split. When is the last time we had a 50-50? Exactly 50-50 too. I think it was

are you still smoking durries? It was 50-50. It wasn't. It definitely wasn't. That's actually a good silly little poll. If you toss a coin, do you pick smoking durries? It was 50-50. It wasn't. It definitely wasn't. If you toss a coin, that's actually a good silly little poll. If you toss a coin, do you pick heads or tails? We've done it. Oh. Can we check the archives?

I think someone's having a delulu moment over here. I don't know if it was a silly little poll, but we talked about how it's not even. Wait, are you gaslighting her because you suggested something that we've already done? We did it, and then you brought in a coin. No, are you sure that wasn't for... No, that was the top six choices to make And gave it heads or tails So it wasn't gaslighting

You remembered it wrong But of course I'm wrong Because I'm male We definitely talked in depth About flipping coins I don't know that it needs a silly little poll Silly little poll Do you like dress up things part is yes or no

50-50 it's a 50-50 split Silly little poll. Do you like dress up things? Part is yes or no. I love them. It's a 50-50 split. I went to one of the weekend and we said, let's just go as the easiest possible thing. We went as the Wiggles. All I had to do was get a red Wiggles top. Yeah. Great. I mean, we did like, last Halloween was so much fun.

So much fun. It all went hard. Everybody went hard. And it was fun. But I normally don't like dress up because it is just effort. Shout out to our friends, Mandy McLean and Ryan Teese, who went as Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. Oh, wow. Which one was Taylor?

The slightly more effeminate one. Which one's that? Louise says I love them Our wedding was A dresser A wedding It was life sentencing

Complete with Celebrant Who was dressed as a judge The best man was dressed As a sheriff A vintage cop car As a wedding car Spray on jail tattoos

For fun And my husband dressed In an orange jumpsuit For the ceremony I mean it's fun It's fun. You go to a wedding and they're normally so, you know, like... Uptight.

Uptight and, you know, proper. I know, and you've got to spend lots of money. You've got to look sharp for that outfit. Oh, lovely. Just don't stand too close to the gas outdoor heaters in that look sharp outfit. Stephanie says, dress-up parties are another level. Everyone gets silly and interaction with others are easier because there's a topic to speak about. Your outfit.

It's a great icebreaker. Probably prefer to stay at home in my pyjamas though. Actually, that's a great call step. Our third option should have been no parties at all. No party whatsoever. Yeah. Although an icebreaker yes, but then how insulting is it when people are constantly asking you what you've come as? Yeah.

What are you? I don't know what you are. It's obvious. Is it? I'm the flag referendum. What? How did you... I've come as. What are you? I don't know what you are. It's obvious. Is it? I'm the flag referendum. What? How did you? I see it now. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Oh, I see it. It's meta.

Ash said, Who's voting no? Bloody fun place. Boring. Oh, okay. Laura says, Honestly, it's the wastage for me. I can't stand all the one-wear throwaway shit

that comes with dress-up. She raises a good point. No, you've got to go to an op shop. Don't go to like a cheap thing. But then what are you doing when you're done with it? Probably just binning it, not putting it back into the op shops. No, I don't bin clothes. Wow, you're cancelled.

But in a rotation, I literally was here as a firefighter yesterday. And you were like, why are you wearing a firefighter outfit? And I was like, because I went to a party as a firefighter. You just know that does it. It does it for me, so thank you. Oh, my God. I saw the hottest firefighter yesterday, by the that does it. It does it for me. So thank you. Oh my God. I saw the hottest firefighter yesterday, by the way. Did you?

Oh my gosh. He must have had big arms if you were into it. In the audience. Oh, okay. Don't say where I was. Yeah. Why can't we say where you are? Like literally hundreds of people have been watching the show being filmed.

You're telling me they're not telling people? Yeah. Anyway, this guy. Jacked. Wow. Yeah, Yeah. Anyway, this guy. Jacked. Wow. Yeah, and like pretty face. Like kind of like Jason Momoa. Pretty face.

Pretty face. Jacked. No, more tidy, kind of put together, clean cut than my taste in general. But the moment I think about him in those trousers. And sitting there with his girlfriend? Was he wearing a New Zealand fire service T-shirt? No, the crowd warm-up guy was chatting, you know, what do you do or something, firefighter, and I heard it.

I went, and I looked and I was like, and he's hot. And then we said, what month are you? And he was like, January. He's been in the calendar. He's been in the calendar. Which calendar? We should hit the archives. Yeah, I'll try and find them.

Because you've actually got all of them, don't you? Yeah. We'll get in the calendar. Which calendar? We should hit the archives. Yeah, I'll try and find them. Because you've actually got all of them, don't you? Mm-hmm. Yeah. We'll get out the archives. Anyway, we're digressing. We're just catching up on you. It's weird that you keep all of the calendars. It's just weird.

Some of them he's cut them out and put them to his little diary. Yeah, it's weird that you do that. You know, in some years I'm like, oh, June's not for me, so I'll take June from another year and put it in that year. Build your own calendar. And then you've duro sealed a lot of them onto your 1B5s. You've got to seal to protect. Oh, absolutely.

Okay. You want multi-use out of these. Yeah, okay. You've got to be a good theme, says Sylvia. It's got to be a good theme that is broad enough for variety but not too vague that it's lame. Yeah. Sam said, I don't like parties. There you are.

Too many people. Tess said, I voted no, but I usually do once, I usually like them once I'm there and dressed up. It's the process

of deciding on, buying the outfit. I hate all of that. Stressful. You never look as good in your outfit as you think you're going to. Yeah.

I don't like them anymore because I've got all ideas, none, I've got all the ideas, none of the execution. They end up half-assing something from a wardrobe and looking like a damn fool. Yeah, that's fair. Says Meredith.

Meredith from Grey's Anatomy. It is Meredith from Grey's Anatomy. Holy moly. Man, we've got some listeners, eh? Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy. Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hey, hey. Physical education.

Do they still call it that now? Yeah, I think so. Because you know how everything's changed like three times since we went to school like sewing isn't sewing now it was fabric technology after sewing and now Indy calls it design textiles or something

I think it's just under the design umbrella maybe the textile part of it religious education's just like Jesus jam or something. Yeah, right. It's just under the design umbrella, maybe the textile part of it. Religious education is just like Jesus Jam or something like that. You know what I mean? Kind of like a cool, yeah. Come on in, kids. Jam for Jesus. Let's get jamming for Jesus.

Did you have to do Jesus Jam at school? Once a week we had RE. Did you? But only for the first, Presbyterian, only for the first two years. Right. And then when you got into real study, like NCEA stuff, they... They dropped it. Dropped the Jesus.

Well, that doesn't give you unit credits. We had Jesus Jam at primary school and we shouldn't have because we were a public school. Oh. I just think the headmaster wanted to pop out and have a ciggy or something. Interesting. Yeah. What does PE say?

I think they still call it physical education. Yeah. Okay. We were talking about PE yesterday and I said, we did the 12-minute run, which was you ran as far as you could for 12 minutes. Yeah, we did that. All the time.

Yeah. More than most, I'd say. We did the beep test. Was it once a term? Once a term. Because it was part of your grade. Yeah. And you did push-ups and other things.

Yeah. I don't think we did. We've been quite weak in the chest. Did you do the rope climb? No. This was the worst. You had to do the rope climb. It was one at a time

because Moran's World could only afford one rope. And I think it was a secondhand rope. Oh, it probably was. A couple of strings fraying at the top. It was a whole lot of bailing twine from the hay bales and then we just plaited them together. But you do it one at a time and you had to do it in front of like a group of people

and like they'd make the fat kids, of which I included myself, climb it in front of a group of people. How horrible is make the fat kids of which I included myself yep climb in front of a group of people how horrible is that did it have knots on it so you could pull yourself up

oh no it was a flat rope how bad's that yeah that's really bad making someone do something it'd be like getting the dumb kid up in front of class

and be like answer the maths questions dumb dumb yeah anyway it was during this conversation producer Jared told us about what they did at Kristen.

How the other half lived, darling. The other half, the other bloody 2%, I reckon. Yes, darling. For a term, we did Pilates. Pilates. Reformer? Reformer? Or just on the ground?

Just classic layman's Pilates. All right. Don't try to be part of the layman's. Layman's Pilates. Oh, right. Don't try to be part of the layman's. Pilates is hard. Oh, it's very hard. Very hard. And tell everybody what else you did in PE. Well, I was really good at it.

Fencing. Now, that's not burning a fence. That's swords. That's like in a movie when they go to the British schools and they're fencing in the study. It's not really big in New Zealand. Nah. It's a lot big in New Zealand. Nah. It's a lot of fun.

I'm sure. Did your school have the swords? Do they call them swords? No, they're called foils. Foils. Do they have the ones, the suits that you wear that they light up when you touch the other person? Yeah, those are cool.

Yeah. I've seen those. Yes. Oh! Rich! Rich! Rich! My school did not have that.

I don't know if the school owned them because I never saw them again. But they were there. They hired them for the class. What, did an independent fencing contractor come in to teach the class?

Yeah, we had some, like, lady. Oh, my God. That's so rich. We used to have fencing, but it was, we'd just break sticks off trees and whack each other. Yeah, same. I always my God. That's so rich. We used to have fencing, but it was, we'd just break sticks off trees and whack each other. Yeah, same.

I always loved it. That's more like Rocco. Those big sticks, you had to just like fight. I loved it in PE when they'd just divide the class into two and it was just dodgeball in the hall. That was so much fun.

Dodgeball was great, but the class where we had like a foil, I mean a fencing melee, and it was like a... A melee? Oh my God, are you listening to this? No, no, no. Eight people. No, still had like a foil, I mean a fencing melee, and it was like a... A melee? Yeah. Oh my God, are you listening to this? No, no, no.

Eight people. No, still one at a time, but everyone paired off, and then the winner paired off against another winner, and it was like a table. Oh, like a round robin. I came second. Dons is unbelievable. Who beat you at fencing?

Jake. I wonder where Jake is now. Where's Jake now? Do you know where Jake's up to? I don't know. Probably off to Paris Olympics. Yeah, probably. You could be at the Olympics.

Yeah. That's fancy, man. I went to a fancy school, but we didn't have fancy PA. Swimming and running. I want to hear about the fancy. I want to hear about the weird. And I want to hear about the povo PA classes. Yeah, like the use.

Okay, so let's take you. We want to take calls now. 0800 dials at M. Text through 9696. Like brick truck. Yeah. Chopped wood. With a brick.

Just chucking a road brick. Now, the brick's broken in half, guys, so it's going to be a lot easier for the last people. All right, girls, you grab the half bricks. Yeah. So what was the weirdest thing you did at school for PE? And you look back now and you're like, that was weird that we did that.

That's so weird. Oh my God, that top text. We're laughing about the weird, wild, odd, povo, rich things that you were taught at PE at school. Because producer Jared did fencing and pilates. Oh my God, must have been nice. We just did cross country, the beep test and lame stuff. We also, somebody said, it's not only for the posh girls.

We also did Pilates at Paraparaumu College. Oh, lovely, darling. Nowadays it makes sense. And the teacher's balls fell out of his short shorts. Oh, my God. Yeah. Mr. Simmons of senior balls. What is it?

Our PE teachers had short shorts too. It was because they were always running and stuff. Yeah. They wouldn't anymore. They were active of Senior Balls. What is it? Our PE teachers had short shorts too. It was because they were always running in and stuff. Yeah. Our PE teacher was a classic lesbian. Yeah, right. It was fantastic. What do you mean a classic lesbian versus more of a modern lesbian? Think of a lesbian.

Thinking of one. That's her. Oh. Yeah. Jules Topp. Very similar. I was thinking of a Topp too. Literally right on the money. Really? Right on the money. More of. Jules Top. Very similar. I've been thinking of a top twin too. Literally right on the money.

Really? Right on the money. More of a Jules than a Linda. More of a Jules than a Linda. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Is he the top twin for a PE teacher?

Well, it wasn't actually her, but, you know. Yeah. Vibe. Vibe check. Vibe, okay. Yeah, right. Vibe check Jules Top. Did she sing in assemblies on the guitar?

No, she didn't, man. She's not a top twin. She's not the third top. You're being silly. Can we take this? We're lesbians and I said the similar vibe. I wondered if she was also musical. As a pillar of the lesbian community and an honorary lesbian,

I must ask that you stop because you love women so much. He does love women. You know? Yeah. All day. Every day. Singing and such. Joel, good. Yeah. So, okay. Every day. Singing and such. Joel, good morning.

Yeah, good morning. Morning, Joel. We're being very silly and we apologise for keeping you on hold. Are you the teacher or did you do this at PE at school?

No, I'm the teacher. I've just arrived at work and we do go early sometimes. Oh, wow. Jesus. What have you got on the schedule today that you need to be there

at 20 past seven? Well, for 16 years, we run like a survivor competition. Like, you know, like the actual program, we actually do it for legit, it's like 11 weeks voting kids out. Do you starve the kids? Do you starve the kids? What happens?

I'd love to take them to an island and take them to Fiji or something, but it's not quite in the budget. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should try teaching at Kristen. Yeah, I went to New Caledonia at private school. I mean, it was lovely. So this is like a PE thing

that goes over, what did you say, 16 weeks? No, 11 weeks. Even? I mean, it's kind of PE. It's more outdoor education, but we kind of fall

under the same umbrella. Wow. Yeah, but we have like 11 weeks where we do a challenge and then we sit down and then we like vote kids out. Are you allowed to do that these days?

It feels like you're going to get a letter from one of their lawyers. Yeah. No, we don't kick them out of the course or anything. They just kind of go to another tribe and stuff like that. But it's quite intense. The funny thing is that we try to get as much of the show as possible. So from the first day, they can pick an outfit and then they have to use that outfit.

We go in the mud and the water and then they can't wash it. They have to hang it up. So we try to get a show. That's so cool. That's so fun. Did you go to Kmart or the warehouse or Bunnings or Mighty Ten and get those torches? Oh yeah, the Tiki torches. The Tiki torches. You have to make their own torches

from scratch. Oh, I love this. In less cultural appropriation. I like this. And less cultural appropriation. I like that. And it's called a mana torch as well, so it's got a bit of pride in it as well. See, that sounds fun. This guy would have cried too. You're way better than my PE teacher.

Can we ask what school you're teaching at? Yeah, we teach at Oriwa College. Oh, great school. Lovely. Great school. Great school. Oh, Joel, thanks so much for that. That makes me want to have a kid so I can pop it out,

raise it, and chuck it Joel's way. We'll take them up. Oh, no, thank you. I was just joking. I can't. I'm too busy. Adopt one. Adopt one. Adopt one. Adopt, don't shop. Adopt, don't shop.

Thanks, Joel. Sarah, what did you do at PE at school? We actually played Quidditch. Now, that's not a real thing. No, but it actually was, though. There was a league in Auckland. Yeah, people play for real, don't they? I've wondered, but how without flying broomsticks and magic?

Well, it's a creative play. You know, you run around with a broom between your legs, and it was bloody fun. Wait, you'd run around with a broom between your legs and it was bloody fun. Wait, you'd run around with your little legs like diddly diddly diddly? And what's the golden snitch? Because to just bring it on, Harry Potter fans I've seen the first one where

they are on the flying broomstick. Yeah, and they're chasing the golden snitch, which is impossibly hard to catch. 150 points to the team that does and it ends the game. How does that work? I actually ends the game. What is that? How does that work? I actually think the snitch was just like, you know, when you play the tonk and you have like the little...

Little ball. The little cashinette. I actually think it was one of those. Yeah. Right. Were people throwing it to each other and you'd have to intercept it or...? Yeah. Now that I think about it, it was kind of a bit more like croquet

with just broomsticks between our legs. But it was a good way to get out of school. Yeah, I mean, it's better than doing the beep test. Better than doing like, yeah. Jared just told me that he actually played in the same league in Auckland, so it is at the same

league. I thought I was proving to all of the nerds. He played Quidditch. Alistair has a nerd on here. So there's a high chance Jared and I crossed paths on the Quidditch field. What position did you play, Kula? Oh, he asked me that, and I actually can't remember, but he said he was the goalkeeper, I think.

Yeah, I was the keeper. The blocker. The keeper. Yeah, I think we keeper. The blocker. The keeper. Yeah, I think we all just kind of ran around the field, like, not really knowing what we were doing, but it was fun. That's so funny. This is mythical sport.

I love it. Sarah, thank you. Some more messages in. The weirdest things and craziest things you did in PE at school. I grew up in Waiheke Island. Oh, damn it. Nah, because if you grew up there, you don't speak like that. It's when you were on a holiday, a weekend. Yeah, they're all sort of hippie kind of, yeah. No shoes. I grew up on Waiheke Island. Oh, darling. Nah, because if you grew up there, you don't speak like that. It's when you were on a holiday, a weekend.

Yeah, they're all sort of hippie, kind of, yeah. No shoes. I grew up on Waiheke Island Public School. We did scuba diving as one of our... Holy! Oh, that's so cool. That'd be so scary.

Scuba? Being responsible for a bunch of kids underwater. Yeah, I was going to say, as a teacher, you'd be like, one, two, shit. Yeah. Now, one, two, shit. We. Now they're one, two, shit. We've lost a little Timmy. If you already get shit

at three, you're in trouble. Yeah. NPE, we played Pirates. We were a splendid two teams and tied to the, and tied up the other team's captain and using sashes and then bombs were dodgeballs and cannonballs and pool noodles for swords

and the goal was to save your captain without getting out and get them back to your side. Cool. That sounds fun. That's way better than what was that one? Rob the nest. We had to grab the balls from in the people's hoops. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Like hungry, hungry hippos.

Yeah. Or we did a golf unit. Oh, okay. We got to play golf. That was pretty cool. That sounds like the teacher was into golf. Yeah, really. We just wanted to go out and get to the driving range.

We did Pilates because the dance teacher was a PE teacher as well. Right. There was shot put at one point. I grew up north in a very small rural school. We had our own swimming pool, which was pretty cool. Oh, my God, nice. We did swimming as part of PE, but the guy had no idea how to dechlorinate the pool.

Oh, yeah. And the kids all got like burny eyes. Listen to this. There's two I noticed and I thought it was crazy. One was, I'm still horrified by this. I was a teen in the United States in the 90s. Once in PE, we had to line up and have our fat measured with fat-pinching calipers.

Our numbers and our percentage of fat were read aloud to the class. The 90s were wild. That's crazy. Now there was another one. We learnt how to juggle. What? That's a good one. A skill I've never lost. Good for the brain, eh? You link the two sides of the brain, isn't that right?

Is it? Yeah, wow. For the juggling. I went to a country school. We used to play Herd the Chickens. Oh, bless. And of juggling. I went to a country school we used to play Herd the Chickens. Oh, bless. And we had school chickens we'd get them up and also the Rang-A-Round-Up. Oh, no. Where we had to chase

the redheads into the football goal. Oh. What is Rang-A-Round-Up for? It's terrible. What do you know in that? Our PE teacher tried to teach us

judo one PE class and dislocated a student's shoulder as he like flipped them over. We did a term at Cup- Tea Bowling Alley for PE. We'd go down and do ten pin bowling. Oh my God, fun.

Fun. There's so many. Cross country skiing in NY, so I guess they were living in New York at the time. I went to a Wairarapa high school. Our teacher asked my friend what was wrong when he came into the class upset. He told the teacher that he'd locked his keys in his car.

The teacher said, right, here's a learning opportunity. He took us outside and told us how to break into a car. Gorgeous. Did they say it was a coat hanger or one of those packing straps? I don't know. Packing straps is the way to go. Amazing. Oh, wow.

Somebody said when it was sharing season, we learned how to share sheep in PE. That would be mean. That would be fun. It would be a fun thing to know how to do. And then you could take the wall to textiles, or whatever it's called now, and make a jumper. And spin the yarn.

Yeah. Spin the yarn and then go and make a jumper. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby? What's your jobby?

What's your jobby? Nailed it. That's not even like, we've never discussed that, but we all just finish at the same time. It felt right after that many jobbies. Synergy, man. Just stop. Sometimes you've got to know when to stop the jobbies.

Georgia, good morning. Hello. Hi, Georgia. Oh, now, Georgia, you're up first. Early childhood. You're so friendly. So friendly, you sound like someone that would work with people. No, don't answer that question.

She also doesn't sound people fatigued. Oh, yeah. You know how people who work with people sound people fatigued? Like if you work in hospitality, you've got people fatigued. I'm thinking maybe something in the office. Not too many people, you know? You think she's an office bit? A bit.

Essential bit of the office. An office bit? When my audience for my show was coming in, a friend was there. She said, your audience is 90% office bitches I was like I love them you know who you're playing with can I ask

is that a good question do you work in an office that's your question I think that's a good question do you work in an office no I do not yeah I knew you don't

no you don't because you have people fatigue I want to ask a question but I feel like it might, it'll leave you with a lot of heavy lifting if I'm wrong. I can lift. Georgia, do you work with food?

Not at all. Not at all. Okay. Not food. Not food. Lift away, Hercules. And not at all. Which tells me

maybe not early childhood because you've got to get these little buggers to eat don't you I wouldn't she said not at all there's meal prep and stuff when you work

there's a lot involved a lot on the plate of these early childhood educators flowers flowers flowers do you know what I mean but that's food for bees

no that was not the question I asked. No. She just sounds so bright and flowery. You do sound way too happy to work with a lot of people. Why are you so happy at 7.30? You'd have to drop food off to people. That's an aspect.

You're sometimes going to feed them. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm really. I'm a customer facing service, like food. No, I said food. I literally just said food. You dumb idiot.

You dumb. Got him a dumb idiot. Just what has he got in his head? A rod over my head. Rocks in his head. Rocks in my head. Okay. Okay.

Vaughn, you really are the weight of the world on your shoulders. Because George is so nice, I want to give her a hug. What if there's animals? Oh! She's got a sunny disposition because she... the weight of the world on your shoulders because Georgia's so nice I want to give her one of these animals oh she said she might have like she's got a sunny disposition because she what is she

a vet doggy daycare runs a doggy daycare no food for dogs no that doesn't count that wouldn't be I wouldn't count that

I don't know it's up to you okay Bourne ask your question by the way poker face on this thing too I know I know

I didn't mean to call you a thing I didn't mean to It's up to you, Vaughan. Okay, Vaughan, ask your question. By the way, we'll poke a face on this thing too. I know. I know. I didn't mean to call you a thing, Georgia. That's all right. I'll forgive you. What's your question, Vaughan? I'll forgive you. That ya. She's a youth leader.

She's a youth leader. She's full of forgiveness. Just like our Lord, Jesus. No. Full of forgiveness. I think she runs like a dock hut. She's a dock warden. A dock ranger. No, it's too wild. It's too wild. She weighs the birds. I think. For like a dock hut. She's a dock warden, a dock ranger. No, it's too wild.

She weighs the birds for the Department of Conservation. Do you work with animals? No, unless you count little children as animals, no. You've given us a giant clue there. You said no food, though. You don't deal with any food. No, no food. So we think she's an early childhood teacher. Yeah, but you've

given us that. You've given that away. That's really naughty. What are we going to choose between? A teacher. Early childhood or primary? I think primary because early childhood there's food involved. But primary, they're on their own. Are you a primary school teacher, Georgia?

No, I'm a dance teacher. Oh! We're all so cocky. Oh, we've got it now. I did it. We're teachers. Yes, but that makes sense. Like jazz and stuff.

Thank you so much. What she's teaching them at the moment for the dance? I don't know. Probably the floss thing again. Probably flossing. Arm flossing. Oh, my God. We've got a couple of Ohio's in the studio that are referencing 2013.

Shut up, Dan. Skippity toilet. Amber, good morning. Welcome to What's Your Jobby. Hi. Kia ora. Kia ora. I went first.

You go first. Amber's got some real Sigma Riz. Oh, shut up. I'm speaking Jet Alpha over here. Amber, is there a dress code where you work? Yeah. Oh, great question, Sprout. Thank you.

Great question. Thank you. Are you, Amber, are you... Because that could be corporate because we've got no dress code. But then, so office is a bad question, right? You should have said, is there a uniform? You should have said, is there a uniform? You should have said, is there a uniform? No, but I think because I've sort of opened it up

because there's no real dress code as a teacher. There's no real dress code what we do. Well, there is. You can't just rock up in your knickers. Bra and undies. So you think dress code indicates like a corporate rather than a uniform? Yeah, I thought so. Or uniform. But so if I was to ask, are you office-based, would that be than a uniform? Yeah, I thought so. Or uniform.

But if I was to ask, are you office-based, would that be a bad question? Yeah, I think so. Because we kind of established that already, right? Let's move towards there, but I think there could be something else. What about if I ask her, did she have to study at university to get a job? Yeah, that's great. Did you have to get tertiary education for your job? No.

Damn. Office bitch. You think she's an office bitch? Yeah, I think she's an office bitch. That's a term of endearment, by the way. I'm going more down the track of uniform. I reckon it's something food, like... Like a fast food workout.

Like if she's a chef, there's a standard of dress because it's a safety thing, isn't it? You don't have to go to chef-y school to be a chef. No, you don't have to. What if I ask if she works with food? Do you work with food? No. No food. She's an office bitch. Now we're just going to work out what kind of office.

She's HR. No, no, no. You have to be qualified to work in HR. You have to have a qualification. You can't just rock in. It's just, if it's an office, it's going to be like office admin or something. I don't know. Call centre.

There's a dress code. Yeah, because it'll be like a lawyer's or an accountant's. Okay, well, what's your guess? Yeah, she's office. She's in a dress code. Lawyer's office. She's wearing a shirt. Lawyer's clerk.

Okay, do you work in a lawyer's office? No, hang on. No, no, no. We're going to have to ask what her job is, her title. Receptionist. Oh, I was going to say office administrator. Okay. Like an office bitch.

Excuse me. Again, that is a term of endearment. Where would we be without our delicious office? I didn't mean to say delicious. Cancel. Hands off. Canceled. Amber, are you an office bitch?

Is that your jobby? No. No. Oh, what? What's your jobby? I'm a cop. You're a cop? Oh!

I told you, uniform! You have to train. No, but I said do a tree education. You should have said training. I should have said training. You need a qualification. Oh! Damn it!

Amber, can I ask you, when you went to police college, did you have to do the improv role plays with actors? Yes, yes. Because I did that as an actor. Did you? What did you play? I did a drug addict with a gun. I did about to jump off a building.

I did... Oh, my God, can you do drug addict with a gun now? And Amber will go. Okay, so you have to knock on my car window. I'm in my car and I've got a gun. Amber, you start. Knock on my window. I wouldn't be that close. Knock on my window.

What?! Excuse me, ma'am, you all right in there? Excuse me, ma'am, you all right in there? Get away from me. Yeah. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you. Get away.

It's all good. I'll chat to you later. Yeah, don't want to talk to you. Get away. It's all good. I'll chat to you later. Yeah, I'll chat to your face later. Get out of here. Who are you talking to up there? You didn't even know I was there. Amber, you didn't check the back seat.

I'm in the footwell. That's my boyfriend. He's having a sleep, Amber. Get out of here. Tell Amber she's a pisser. We're not talking to the cops. Does she have any more meth? Poor Amber has to deal with the shit every day.

Amber, you've got any more methamphetamines? Tell her, tell her. Make sure you tell her I've got a gun. We've got guns in here, Amber. And we're not afraid to shoot them like we shoot heroin. Wow, that was dark. I think you took your acting a bit too far at police college. I really challenged them. Good for you.

Thank you for your service, Amber. Thank you, Amber. Unfortunately, could we? Yeah, thank you. A round of applause for the New Zealand Police. We for you. Thank you for your service, Amber. Thank you, Amber. Unfortunately, could we? Yeah, thank you. Round of applause for the New Zealand police. We love you. We do, we do. Let's go to one more.

Let's try one more time to guess somebody's job. Rosie, good morning. Good morning. Good morning, Rosie. Okay. Rosie. Rosie, I'm going to go easy. Okay.

Do you wear a uniform as part of your job? No. Okay. Okay. We might have an office dish on our hands. Does she sound people fatigued? She does sound people fatigued. She sounds sick of our shit.

She sounds like she's sick. Do you have to, my question is, do you have to call a lot of people for your job? Oh. Oh, yes. Oh, good question. She's got people fatigued. She hesitated, so she's not a phone operator. She's like, she's not a. No, no, yes. Oh, good question. She hesitated. So she's not a phone operator.

No, no, no. She's like, ah. What about something like sales? Sales or like debt collection? Oh, okay. I'm thinking something customer. Maybe she repos cars, you know. But it could be any job that you need for customers.

What does Big Hearted James do? He's HR. He calls people. Maybe you could be in HR. She could be in HR. No uniform. Calls people. Calls a lot of people.

She sounded frustrated at the people she has to call. She feels sick of our shit. Yeah. She's sick of people. People fatigued. She's a little bit people fatigued. They ask a lot of her. No uniform.

Rosie feels managerial. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but she's calling a lot of people. But we need to work out the industry. Can you just say office manager? Yes, but I'd love, you know, like, does she, is she, Rosie has the energy of someone who's in charge of like a plumbing firm,

you know, who does like a lot of like ringing clients and stuff, but she's not a plumber. Hey, Brian, you haven't paid your bill. Yeah. Or just like organising. Like, hi, are we able to come in for install of the bathroom stuff? Sometime between 7am Tuesday and 8pm Friday. And then people like me are calling up being like, I've done a rubbish job. I'm so sorry to hear that, ma'am. We'll send the

team back out. I feel like she's an office administrator for a trade. A trade. So you've still got a question, right? You've got a question. Do you want to ask something within that realm? Okay, well what if I say are you an office administrator? Well, that's just a guess of the job. I reckon get down to the industry.

Like, do you... Okay, do you work with the trades? Do you work with the trades? Do you deal with the trades? Rosie. Yeah, in a sort of way, yep. In a sort of way, no. No, she's not calling. She's not directly with trades.

She doesn't work for a trade. She deals with them. Bunnings. She's frustrated. She makes a lot of phone calls. I think it's something in the office. It's something in the office. But she's dealing with thenings. She's frustrated. She makes a lot of phone calls. I think it's something in the office. It's something in the office. But she's dealing with the trades. Go, go.

I want it so bad. The way she was like, yes, that. Remember when James would tell us all those stories about like, you're telling me not to tell James' stories. James doesn't tell us any stories. There's no stories. But he'd ring a lot of people and he'd be like,

we've got you a gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that called? Oh, recruitment. Yeah, yeah, where she's ringing people and saying... Okay, well, do you work in recruitment? That's what I think. Is your job a recruitment officer?

Yes. Are you kidding me? No, I work in recruitment. And you're very close. It's for the civil infrastructure as well. So, yeah, funding and stuff, it's part of it. So that's part of the trade. Oh, my God.

Amazing. Yeah. And people are the worst, eh, Rosie? People are the pits. Oh, they can be a challenge for sure. It's too perfect that we took this long, we did so badly and then landed on recruitment but genuinely,

we just got that. That was amazing. Oh, that feels so good. Hi! And we get to give a hundred bucks to Rosie. A hundred dollars. Thank you so much.

Congratulations. Good from you, Vaughan. Good from you. You found your way. That was fun. The phone, yeah, and she was like, dealing with people.

I think the people fatigue is a good It's a good That helps nail it, doesn't it? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Once again, the Toyota Aquar reigns supreme. Now, this is the chosen car

of choice for producer Carwain who is on her second Aquar. Yeah. And why are you on her second Acquire. Yeah. And why are you on your second Acquire? Because the first one was stolen and possibly used in a ram ride.

Yeah. Toyota Acquires once again, New Zealand's most stolen car. It's because they get in the skinny doorways, eh?

Because they're quite little. Yeah, there's like a, I don't want to tell you how to steal my car, actually. Well, you know,

I reckon if people are gonna steal an Acquire, they probably just Google it. What do you mean? Is there a... There's like a window that's easy to smash and then get in apparently. But now I have an immobiliser and an alarm, so try me. So now, some insurance companies, so they've hiked the insurance on Acquires because of this.

Again, unfortunately for you, one insurer, it's not even saying, has refused to cover toyota aquas unless they have an immobilizer which you have which i have did you have to put that in yeah how much was that oh i don't know actually but i feel like the alarm bucks yeah alarm and immobilizer was like maybe 400 like worth it to not have my car stolen. Yeah. And worth it to get your insurance down. Because one guy they talked to is paying $250 a month. That's insane. For full insurance for a $10,000 Acqua.

What? That's $3,000 a year. Yeah. Like literally just do third party. Yeah. If you've got an immobilizer. But they're saying this has not put people off the little cute Acquas. Because what does it do with the Aquaris?

It's a hybrid, right? So it's so cheap to run. Yeah. And they're cheap to buy. Yeah. They're going up in price, but they're cheap to buy. Secondhand, about $10,000. Which for a hybrid car?

That's pretty good. What year is yours? 2012. So 2012, $266,000 sold that year. Just looking at the sales. And that may have been the highest. Yes, that's the highest it's ever been, 2012, the Acquire. New Zealand's most stolen was, wasn't it one of the Utes?

Wasn't that up there? That'll be up there. There'll be a list under this Acquire situation, I'm guessing, because it was a, nope, can't see it in that article. So they're just encouraging everyone that has these cars that pop up on these lists, especially cars like the Aqua that's been literally, is this like third year in a row?

It's always in there, most stolen cars. Yeah, it's New Zealand's, yeah. And the Demio? The top 10, Hilux, there's your Ute. These are the most stolen in New Zealand. Cars in New Zealand according to AMI. The Hilux at 10. Subaru Legacy and the Subaru Impreza at nine and eight,

respectively. Kill. The Toyota Vitz. That's JP's car. Woo! Woo! Good that we've got some representation in the list. Looking forward to the Mazdas coming in here.

Toyota Mark X in at 6. Mazda Tenza. You're an L thingy, aren't you? An L Tenza. An L... I can't even remember. An Al... Okay, I remember. An Al Lesbos. Xsella.

You're an Xsella. You're an Xsella. Xsella. I'm an Xbox Xsella. Number four, the Mazda Demio. Number three, the Toyota Corolla. Number two, the Nissan Tita. I always thought that was a Tilda for years.

How embarrassing is the Tita? Yeah. Especially when you see a peach one, you're like, oh. Oh. Oh, great. Oh. And you pull up and it's not a grandma and you're like, oh. And the Toyota Accra.

Also, I love that you're shaming people when your car is... My car is so lame. I have such a lame nothing car. Got a dash cam. Watch out. Got a dash cam. Not on though, is it? No, it's not on.

Never been on it. I don't know how to work with it. You don't tend to turn the motor when you're the one driving like an arsehole. I switch it off. That's why I rip the cord out. Okay, the impossible fun topic. Gawne, you've done a little bit of research. You think this may not be impossible.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I've Googled New Zealand private investigators. I've got sponsored posts for the investigators.co.nz. PINorthland.co.nz. That's a private investigator who specializes in Northland. Well, they probably live there, yeah. Trojanus.

Because, you know, based on movies and television shows, they're normally like old police detectives. Rough. You know, divorced. Yeah. Who couldn't live inside the lines. Yeah. So there's this guy who is a private investigator,

but this is in the UK. Okay. Where you're like, maybe it's a little bit more. More people. Extreme the UK. Okay. Where you're like, maybe it's a little bit more. More people. Extreme more people. Yeah. Over 50 years, sorry, he's 50 years old, over 30 years of working in fraud investigation,

opened up a PI firm. That looks like fun, by the way, investigating fraud. Because you hear like, someone's like, I can't work, me back's no good, I've got a claim there. Oh my God, and then you're on Instagram being like, yeah, nice backflip, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, that would be the easiest way of doing it. Word of warning there. If you're claiming ACC for a back injury, don't do a backflip on Instagram. So he has caught around 5,000 cheaters. So people that are hiring him to be like, I have a suspicion that my wife is cheating on me. Follow her for a bit. Now, I'm like, when I hear this, I'm like, that would never be my process.

If I thought that my partner was cheating on me. Yeah, you do a bit of DIY Kiwi ingenuity here. Yeah. Because how much does a private investigator cost? How much? But then also, if you're getting divorced and someone's cheating on you, do you kind of need the evidence, the photo evidence? Do you need evidence? Do you mean for the split?

For the split, like if there's a cheating clause. Oh, yeah, if they just straight up denied it. I don't know. Surveillance can sometimes be undertaken by a solo agent, but usually requires two vehicles and a secure radio contact so we can swap around and maintain covert surveillance. The cost for a standard two-agent surveillance is, how many dollars per hour do you think?

$250. $500. Oh, I would have said, yeah, I would have said like $300 an hour. $120 per agent, so that's $240. Plus mileage, any expenses, and GST. Oh, so if the person that you're with, and they're cheating on someone out of town, and they have to follow them like eight hours.

Oh, my God. That's $2,000. We could do this as a trio. That'd be fun. FVH investigators. That'd be fun. I love that. I've got afternoons.

We could use some of our characters. We've been building up over the years. Hello, hello. Hello, looking for a good time, love? Why don't you follow me into my house for a little bit of fun? In you come. Got you. Got you.

Got you. And I'm playing a kid in the corner. Yeah. Who is it, Mum? I don't know why we're all British. It's just easy, isn't it? It's just another client, my love. Your mother's got to put food on your plate somehow.

I love that you'll do anything for me, Mum. I'll do anything for you, my love. You're the light of my life. Do you need anything? Wipes or a bucket of hot water? Yeah, get the wipes ready, love. And run your mother a bath. Oh, you're in for a good time, mister.

You've come to the right house. Yeah. And it's us. And I'm got you. And we're making a web series and a podcast. It's fantastic. I love this. I love this. This is our impossible phoner because it does feel very Americanised or like

British. Like a movie world. Like a movie, yeah. For our Kiwi listeners, have you hired a private investigator? Yes, and why? Why? Did you think someone was cheating? How much did it cost? Did it work?

Did you catch something? Or was it fraud? You know, like maybe you work for a, you own a business and you suspected that an employee was skimming the... Did they smoke cigarettes and wear a long trench coat? Yeah, yeah. You want the information, see? it's got a fedora.

And they had an old office in a really old building. With like wooden glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they took off their jacket and they had one of those leather like harnesses and they had a gun under each thing. Yeah, yeah. So if that shit gets real, they can be like. Yeah, I love this. Okay.

It's the impossible phone and topic. 0800 dials at M. Call us now and you can text through. Keep it anonymous. Absolutely. Text through 9696. Have you hired a private investigator and why? The impossible phone and topic.

Have you ever hired a private investigator? Yes. And why? There's a private investigator that did an interview online. He's in the UK. Talk about how he went from being a fraud investigator to being a guy for hire to catch cheaters. He's caught 5,000 cheaters in his 30 years of experience.

5,000? That's a lot, eh? Everybody be cheating. Yeah. But we want to know in New Zealand, because it feels like such an un-Kiwi thing to do, have you hired a private investigator? And why?

Okay, some juicy messages in. Not impossible. Not impossible. C'est pas impossible. I tried to hire a private investigator, but realised that I did not have the financial means as a 12-year-old. So I took matters into my own hands

and went about my own covert surveillance operation to catch my mum cheating so her and dad could finally get divorced was very successful. What is a 12-year-old? I got knowing your mum's cheating. I thought you were about to say, to find my brother stealing my biscuits. Yeah, that's what I thought too.

To prove my teacher is really a witch. But no. No, mum was cheating. And successful. We want to know more. Who was that young teen detective? I remember there were like books and stuff. Nancy Drew. Nancy Drew. Very Nancy Drew, isn't it? Yeah. To be Nancy Drew of you. Mum cheating

on dad. I hired a probate investigator to try and get the fingerprints off my car after I got it back after it was stolen because the police said there were prints on it but they couldn't do anything about that. What are you going to do? They can't run the prints, can they? No. There's just a big

database, obviously in CSI, and it takes like two minutes. And the computer goes And then it cuts and they're raiding their house. Policing is so easy. But have you ever given your fingerprints to someone of the law? No, you'd have to give yours. To the Lord. I have given my fingerprints to the Lord. Yeah, you always fingerprint for Jesus. Right.

But you have to have your fingerprints to then rule them out, right? Yeah. I haven't given my fingerprints. I don't know if you can privately get fingerprints done because you need the database to run them against. And then if the police have said they're not going to do anything and then you get the information of who stole your car, what are you going to do?

Take the law into your own hand? Vigilante. Vigilante, exactly. Go steal their car. Is that what you do if you've only got one hand? Take the law into your own hand? Yeah, you do. Okay.

Well, you've got to drive with the other hand. And you want to be in an automatic. Okay. Yeah. Manual doesn't work. You're taking the law into your own hand. I'm a corporate investigator, which is kind of like a PI. I get to read emails, team's messages, talk to whistleblowers, et cetera.

Exciting. Excuse me. They're called referees in 2024. We don't call them whistleblowers. It's very rude. My dad was an ex-cop who became a private investigator. The only case I remember he did was trying to find out,

trying to find our neighbour's business partner who disappeared with all the company's money. Wow. Producer Jared. Hello. I didn't hire a PI, but we've just had someone on the phone who didn't want to talk on air.

Yep. They won Lotto a few years ago. That's going to be me on Sunday, so go ahead. I'll need the advice. And then they had some suspicions that their partner may have been being a little unfaithful, so they hired a PI. Which you can do because you've won Lotto. Yep.

And the PI not only uncovered that they were being unfaithful, but they were planning to off the... Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What? No! What? So someone literally just called and they said, I hired a private investigator to see if my partner had been cheating, and the private investigator uncovered that yes, they had been,

and they were planning to kill them. Yep, to get the money. Wow! That's wild! Far out. What the hell? It feels weird to send him a McCafe voucher. I can change him. I can change him. That's giving big horror of the week.

I love a bad boy. Wow. I love the baddest of the boys. That's insane. Thank you for sharing. I have never hired an investigator, but I have been followed by one. It was a bit frightening to say the least. It was to do with a trial that was going on and the dude hired an investigator

to try to catch me out lying. Didn't work. He spent seven years in prison. Holy shibolis. Yes. Now, my boss had to hire a private investigator to work out how a camera got into the office bathroom. What?

Because that would be an inside job, wouldn't it? A lot of places have like swipe access and whatnot. Yeah. Proven investigator contacted me because I was witness to an insurance fraud. I felt like I was in the movies. Oh, so you were at the gym and you saw someone doing squats and backflips

and you went, hang on, I'm pretty sure you're on ACC. You have a bad back. Wow. These are great stories. I can't believe there was a planned offing. A planned offing. Holy moly. Is that like Hitman stuff?

Yeah, it is. Did we talk about the Hitman? No, that's tomorrow, everyone. You should shut your face. We've got a good Hitman story on the show tomorrow. Do we? Now you've told all the other radio stations. No, no tease. Why?

We heard about it yesterday. They probably already talked about it. Other radio stations, you back off. Yeah. No one's allowed to talk about the hitman story. You get your own content. That's ours. We're doing that tomorrow.

I know that's why they're not allowed to talk about it. I wanted to do the hitman story today, but I was overruled. Yeah, you were. We're parking it for tomorrow. Everyone else back off. It's a great story. If I hear another radio station's talking about the hitman story today but I was overruled. Yeah, you were. We were parking it for tomorrow. Everyone else back off. It's a great story. If I hear another radio station talking about the Hitman story,

I'll be upset. I'll send them a very terse email. You back off. All right. Fact of the day is next. It's heart rate week. My heart rate would be pumping

if I tune into a different radio station and they're talking about Hitmen. I tell you what, I'll be pissed. We magazine that content. Shotgun. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, well, it's heart rate week. Yes. Fact of the Day. It's going well. And I've got an interesting fact about what can lower the heart rate and thus has been banned uh it is now added to the banned substance lists of shooting rifle like competitive shooting i think you're gonna say do you remember that game show that they had your heart rate yeah the hot seat was a hot seat

or something ridgy yeah ridgy hosted it i think it was like a game show around the world and yeah you had a timer and when your heart rate went above a certain thing, the timer went faster. So you had to stay relaxed. And they'd do things like set a fire and stuff around you to try to get you freaking out. And hot women. And then old men's heart, no.

Old men's heart rates would be boom, boom, boom, boom. I was going to say, it was the early 2000s. It wouldn't have surprised me if they played a couple of two-a-girls. A couple of two-a-girls. They're like, no, the two-a-girls they paraded a couple of two-er girls. A couple of two-er girls. They're like, no, the two-er girls aren't doing anything. Call in the big guns. It's time for the Jim Beam girls. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Ahuga. Get a couple of Red Bull girls in there. Yeah, check a couple of Reddy B's. Reddy B's. So, you know how you're like, when you're playing pool or darts, and you're just like, I'm just going to have a couple of beers, take the edge off. And you relax a little bit.

And you find your golden zone. There's that sweet spot where you're actually good at pool. So good at pool. So good at darts. Lowers the heart rate. You're not nervous about it. Well, that's why alcohol is banned from shooting. Because it lowers your heart rate.

And being able to control your heart rate is advantageous in distance shooting because you've got to be relaxed when you pull the trigger. Yes, you've got to go breathe in, out, take a shot. Surely it's also so that you're of sound mind that you don't just sort of turn it around and... Whee! This is fun. No, you're not allowed to have any alcohol in your system.

It's one of the things they test for at any event, like at any sort of games where there'll be medals and stuff. Are there any other drugs that do that

and relax you? Oh, heaps of them. Right. Heaps of them. But for a long time I was like, have a couple of beer. And then they're like,

well done, Bullseye. And you're like, you're right. Yeah, he's fine. He's just very calm. He's bullseye. And you're like. You're right. Yeah, he's fine. He's just very calm. So you're not allowed to have any alcohol in your system at time of testing. Now that is because alcohol lowers your blood, lowers your heart rate. Unless you're Asian.

Really? Sorry. You are familiar with the alcohol flush Often called the Asian flush Very red, a couple of drinks, very red cheeks My father-in-law gets it shocking Really? Yeah, hasn't passed it on to his daughter I have friends that get that for sure

The Asian flush Yeah, Asian friends I've got a white friend that goes really red Okay, yeah, because it's not just East Asians that have it But it's predominantly appearing in East Asian. It's ALDH2 hydrogazonius. Oh,

that's, yeah, of course, that's what it is. It shows the reaction. Why do you know it's hydrogazonius? One of the reactions

is the facial flush that we see are nausea, headaches, and an increased heart rate. Okay. Oh.

So, this is for a very particular audience, who I don't even know if they listen to the podcast, but if you are a Chinese representative at the 2024 Paris Olympics in the rifle shooter. Yeah, they're listening. What else are they listening to? Alcohol's not only going to get you banned,

it's absolutely not going to help you in your shooting whatsoever because your heart rate's going to have gone up. Gone up? It's crazy. Okay. Wowzers. Also can worsen asthma. The alcohol flush reaction, I mean, it is heart rate work

and it does pump up the heart rate when it lowers everybody else's heart rate because of the lack of the enzyme that can process it. Wow, interesting. So today's fact of the day is alcohol is a banned substance in the competitive shooting world. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. crossover to the tech desk producer Jared has a new toy in the bedroom

yeah dog I bought the midi a projector now this is one of those birthday presents that's very strategic from you. It is. Isn't it? It's a two-parter. Yeah, because do you know why he got her the projector?

So he can watch things. Yeah, so he can be gaming. And then she can just go to the bedroom. Where am I going to watch my stupid reality show? Oh. Oh. Whoa. In your bedroom on the projector you got.

Wait, is this what's happened? So you've bought her this projector? Yeah. Is it one of those little ones that just projects onto any wall? Yeah, it's not a crazy projector. Yeah, yeah. It's not one you have to screw into the ceiling. No, no, no, no, no.

You can poke it at the roof or poke it on a wall and be like, woo-hoo, now we can watch a movie. Yeah. And it's like instead of just getting another TV where you have to put it on a stand. No TVs in the bedroom. Oh, okay we can watch a movie. Yeah. And it's like, instead of just getting another TV where you have to put it on a stand. No TVs in the bedroom. Oh, okay. That's the death of sex.

No, but there isn't a TV in the bedroom. No, that's what I'm saying. It's good. No, it's good. You can have the projector in there because they can choose when, but if there's a TV in there, you can literally never touch each other again.

Anyway. Originally it was because the middies just got a Hey You subscription. So she's smashing through just any and all reality shows. Yeah, right. Which she's been watching on a laptop because your boy needs the PS5. Does he?

Yeah, boy! Does he? Yeah. Does he? How's that going for you, Hayley? The PS5 in your life? But the thing is, you can watch it on your laptop. I can't play PS5 on the laptop.

Shut up! Oh, I hate that argument. Aaron said the same thing. It's a flawless argument. No, it's not flawless. It's a flawless argument. I've got to watch5 on the laptop. I hate that argument. Aaron said the same thing. No, it's not flawless. I've got to watch on a little screen like this and you get to play on this ginormous television. It's your choice to use the phone. Why do you want to use the phone when you've got a laptop?

The screen's like this big. Sounds like a you problem. Oh my god, I hate you all. Carry on. So with both of us having COVID last week, I just saw her stuck in bed watching tv on a little laptop i was like this will not do for my queen yeah and it was her birthday and it was her birthday and aside from giving her covert i needed to give her another cool present yeah um so what we discovered the other day is it's it's good for reality tv but it's best for cat game YouTube videos.

Oh, okay. So what you put up like flies or... Yeah, flies or little mice or a fish tank. Fish tank's my favorite. And then the cat will play with them. Yeah. Yeah, okay. And how long does she do that for?

Emma or the cat. Cosmo, like last night, hour and a half. Did you just misgender his cat? I think you did. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Who's going to operate the show now?

I assumed your cat was a she-her, but it's a he-him? It's a he-him. No, it's a pee-pur. You haven't actually asked either. Great dad joke from you. Wait, so you project little things and the cat chases it? Yeah, so we, like, it basically projects across the whole bedroom wall. Yeah.

And so Cosmo was, like, on the bed. Suddenly fish are swimming across the wall. He's freaking out. He jumps down. He's, like, jumping at the wall, trying to scratch at the fish. Oh, God. I mean, who cares that you still get to play PlayStation? Oh, yeah.

Whether it's reality TV or cat videos, you've won here. This is a perfect gift from you. I've cracked it. Also, Emma hates cuddling on the couch when we watch the movie. It's uncomfortable, apparently. Oh, it's no. But now, we can load up a movie on the big screen and cuddle in the bedroom.

Yeah, that's cute. Sounds like the cuddling issue is the couch more than it is the lounge. Yeah, maybe you need a new couch. If you're offering

a free couch, I've got lots of Instagram You don't want Fletcher's couch. It's comfortable, but boy, oh boy, it's absolutely intense. Now,

can we talk, can we just pause to talk a little bit about, if we just go back to the fact that she was originally watching reality TV. I only just saw

that there's New Love Island. New Love Island UK. I love that. Episode one was out last night. Was it? Obviously. You know what I heard?

It's great to watch on a laptop too. So why don't you grab the charger, sweat up and get off. Your attitude is great to watch on a laptop. Perfect. As long as you've got your headphones on and I can't hear it. Shut your mouth.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There is proof in science that when women are menstruating on their period, that they have a higher level of cognitive function. And they call it somewhat of a superpower. Okay. Because of the way that, I mean, look, I don't actually understand the whole, like which hormones are causing what.

But when you are in, there's all these phases of the menstrual cycle, a regular one at least. And during your, when you're actually shedding and you need a couple of chalky fish to make you feel better, you have a sharper mind. And like, you're like more onto it.

You're more energized. Is it too, is it like the primitive part of the brain to help you like outsmart bears? Because they can smell. Which I don't think has got much to do with bears. Is this some kind of new finding? Sabertooth tigers. Yeah, there's been research into it because like when most research has been about, you know, the suffering of having a period and, you know, trying to get through things and feeling sluggish and sore and pain. But they're like, while your body is going through this kind of horrendous experience, the hormones are actually like flushing into your brain and making you sharper.

Which is like they're saying when you're menstruating, it's a good time to make decisions, a good time to sit exams and tests, job interviews. That would be the perfect time to be on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Oh, yeah. Yes. The Chase. They'll be like, hey, we got your application for The Chase. We want to book you for the 7th of July. Oh, what about the 21st?

Could you do that thing with the pill where you just like go, you know? Yeah. No, because. Keep it at bay. Keep it at bay. Keep it at bay. No, no, no, no. Sugar pill, sugar pill, sugar pill.

Sugar pill. Chase, chase, chase. Trust us, Hayley, we mean. No. Just don't listen to the men. We're talking about periods. You've got to trust us. We know.

But that's not a real period, my love. It's not the same hormonal effect. Wait, so you'd get on who wants to be a Hayley and Hayley or the chase. When you have a period on the pill, that's a fake period. It's not real. Oh, okay. So we wouldn't win the chase? Yeah. Okay. I know it's shocked you. It's called a bleed, but you're not actually menstruating.

Why am I being sent to the supermarket for chocolate and ice cream then? That's just an excuse. Sounds like you can get your own love. Your wife's just playing you there. Yeah. Because she's menstruating and she's outsmarting you. Oh, but you said it was a fake one. Yeah, I know. I caught my own lie there.

But parents, so when you're literally lying around suffering, now this is rich coming from me, but as a woman who, let's check the days, shall we? Not pregnant, by the way. Not pregnant, but definitely heading towards day 300. Wow. No menstrual cycle. This is going to blow your mind.

I'm 42 years into no menstrual cycle. Well, to blow your mind I'm 42 years into No menstrual cycle Well it's not a competition Jesus Wow But it's been a long time I've got a couple of chocolate fish here Why don't you just take those

Calm down Don't feed me like a Like a dinosaur in Jurassic Park Yeah But maybe Clever girl If I've got a lot of Like decisions to make

I try to think about decisions that I need to make or times I need to be cognitively alert. Yeah, there's a sweet spot. There's a sweet spot. Maybe I should save all of my large decision making. And when I finally have a menstrual cycle again, I'll be like, right, Aaron, let's have a meeting. Yeah.

I want to change the colour of this room. Yeah. I want to get rid of of this room I want to invest in this thing we're getting rid of the playstation by the way I'm leaving you I'm moving this person into the house I've sold your car

imagine teaming up this menstrual sharpness with post orgasm clarity you may elevate to another level that's another thing from the study is about arousal levels when you're in your menstru Well, that's another thing from the study is about arousal levels when you're in your menstrual cycle. That's up as well. So we're smart, we're fast, we're on, we're ready to go.

We're just absolutely rip-roaring. Horny and hormonal. And here's another chocolate fish. I just realised I shouldn't have said that. I cannot believe that you just called me horny and hormonal. I'm placating you with some more chocolate fish. I'm going to need a lifetime supply of chocolate fish to make that better. George is up next, and your chance to win with Human Shazam is at midday.

It's a jackpot, $400 as well. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review

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