ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 6th March, 2025

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

Conspiracies out of spite Wedding drink count Deodorant before bed? If men had endo Top 6 ways to make mornings better What was the wild parenting move Three prong fork Babes of the board Kmart Viral products Worst part of PE Fact of the day School lunches Why are people nice before ghosting you?    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

From the ZM Podcast Network. This is Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley's Big Pod. Thanks to Animates. Making happy happen for pets. ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hey, babes.

Hey, babes. Hey, babes. Hey, babes. Hey, babes. Secret sound coming up at 7 o'clock and 8, your next chances, thanks to Super Liquor. There was a $50,000 guess? Yeah, there was a $50,000 guess? Yeah, there was a $50,000

guess. We need to beam the layer to find out whether or not we get to keep it at 50 or if it's going back down. Keep it at 50. Keep it at 50. Well, listen up for the Activate if you chance to call through 7 o'clock this morning.

The top six are on the way. Top six ways to make morning better. The morning, which we are currently experiencing. Yes. Sucks. Mornings are you. It does, eh? Well, some people are morning people.

Nope. Wish I was. It would make this whole being awake this early easier. The top six ways to make morning more fun. Because Megan Markle, I believe it's pronounced. Yep. Has, you know how she, I believe it's pronounced. Yeah. Has, you know how she does all this lifestyle stuff now? Yeah.

And people will like hate her for no real reason. Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard a decent reason why anyone hates Megan Markle. It's kind of the Anne Hathaway effect. Yeah. Who's had a big bounce back. Yeah, she has.

She's won everybody over again. Well, Megan Markle has said, a great way to make morning more fun is to have a little, like, grazing platter. Oh, my God, a little bricky charcuterie. A brick chouderie. Said like the fun-employed person she is. Yeah.

Oh, my God, I love this. So when my alarm goes off at 4.15, get up, lay out the grazing board, and just put together my little bits and bobs. Because, you know, she's in a rush to go nowhere. And do nothing. And do nothing all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whereas you're probably in a rush to go to work. The children are with the au pair, so she's got lots of time. She doesn't need to deal with them. Oh, so relatable. Well, I've got the top six ways to make morning more fun. Great. That's not a chachoterie board. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley.

Did we? No one told me. We've got a little chemist warehouse stall in the studio. No one told me there was Elizabeth Arden eight hour cream. Did you girls know there's eight hour cream? Do you know the eight hour cream? You're yelling. I don't know what's going on. We've been using it and obsessed with it.

They were keeping it quiet. They didn't want to get through the tube too quickly. Every woman knows. Eight Hour Cream, Elizabeth Arden. I just went in because I had dry shins. Vaughn and I, before the show, Vaughn and I had a lovely moisturiser in the corner. Why? I just saw you. Moisturising, I was like,

moisturising legs with hair on it's rough. Sorry, I just got excited because you said that. No one told me this was hair. I'm going to be so moiffed Conspiracies We've been dealing with a lot of them Remember before the internet If you had a crazy uncle that believed

There was no such thing as the moon landing You'd be like, yeah, okay And walk away But now it's everywhere And now it's our life People are dealing with relatives Yeah, and crazy uncle can talk to somebody else's crazy uncle Who's into conspiracies

And then they're like, I knew it. Everyone thinks this. And that's called an echo chamber. And that's dangerous. And, you know, the opposite is living in a liberal bubble where you're like, people don't use homophobic slurs anymore. And then you go to regional New Zealand and they're just trying them around like a football. We fix racism. That's incredible.

This is great. I haven't heard a racist slur. I've not been home for a while. I should have pulled into this Ashburton dairy. Yeah. What did that person in Morrinsville just call me? What? Et cetera.

But conspiracies. There's been a study into it. And this kind of, I've thought about this, and this doesn't surprise me, but this is very well put. Studies have used questionnaires measuring spite, conspiracy beliefs, and psychological factors like feeling threatened, politically powerless, and uncomfortable with uncertainty, and said that...

Dumb. Dumb. What? Do you mean dumb? Uncomfortable with uncertainty. Like they don't know anything. When they don't know anything, they're like, I don't know, I dare.

Or I guess it would be, I guess so. I took it more as... Oh, they need to know what's what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, yeah. So if they, and if, they need to know what's what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, yeah, yeah. And if they can't work out what's what, or if it is a bit complicated, they'll just fill in the gaps with the easier to understand conspiracy stuff. Yeah, got you, got you, got you.

So, apparently spite was the leading cause of people getting into conspiracy theory. Spite. So basically to say like I'll show you. A desire to hurt, annoy or offend someone. Deliberately hurt, annoy or offend.

You do things out of spite. So you, the example they would use would be if you had a medical professional in the family that you were in competition with. Yes, yes. That, and if they were like the mRNA vaccines, you know, they've been around for years, da, da, da, da, da. No, they haven't.

Like that's, you're doing it. That's what they want you to believe. You build what, you build the belief after the spite. You find something that fits with your spite towards, it could be towards a person, it could be towards a foundation, it could be towards a government. It's almost irrelevant. It's irrelevant what you actually think and feel about it.

How many people did you know that because it was a Labour government when COVID broke out and some people that if National had been in and put in similar things, they would have been like, well, yes, of course. Yeah. But I saw just Cinder Ardour in a lab with a Petri dish creating COVID. I saw it. You saw it.

Yeah, I did. And actually if you ask. Well, that's hard to argue with. A lot of people have seen it. Yeah. But spite is the main one. Yeah, wow. Okay.

That's so boring of humans to do that. Just take the contradiction. A contrarian is what it's called. A contrarian. We all know a contrarian. The person that will just be like, not actually. And you're like, what are you? They are frustrating people.

We know we do have a conspiracy theorist in our midst. Oh, we do. I know. Producer Shannon believes that Katy Perry and JonBenet Ramsey are one and the same. Yeah, I definitely lean towards it. I will say it's probably unlikely, but there's a lot of things that sign up to it. You're downplaying it, Shannon.

You said to us, literally just before, you said to us, well, have you ever seen JonBenet Ramsey and Katy Perry in the same room? No, you haven't. Well, also also you know the moon landing the cross hairs were a little bit

yeah there's some weird stuff there's no wind on the moon who are you spiting um no I feel like she falls into a different category I don't think there's anything

spiteful about Shannon no you know Katy Perry released some pretty shit songs oh okay and she's more into Taylor Swift. She's a Swiftie.

So there's the spite. There's the spite. There's the spite, yeah. Yeah. When Swish Swish, that Swish Swish. Another one by the basket. Swish Swish. And then that kid doing that floss dance.

That was it. But we forgive her now because she's got lovely shoulders. And she's going to space. Who's got lovely shoulders? Katy Perry, she's getting jacked on the arms. And she is going to space. They's got lovely shoulders? Katie Perry. She's getting jacked on the arms. And she is going to space. They're doing a SpaceX all-female crew. And Gail?

The crosshairs and they never went to the moon. Oh, Shannon. Going to space. So who else is on this all-female flight? Gail? That's dangerous. All-female? It'll get a catty real quick. There'll be nails.

The claws will be out. And they'll menstruate. And they'll menstruate. They'll sink up. That's why I was wondering how long they're up there for. God, anti-gravity with eight women menstruating at the same time. Not good. Former NASA rocket scientist Aisha Bowe. Bioastronautics research scientist

Amanda Nguyen. Well, they make sense to go to space. CBS journalist Gayle King, pop recording artist Perry. Sorry, pop recording what? Read words for one. Speak English. Pop recording artist Katy Perry. Yeah.

What is she bringing to us? I don't even understand. The journalist is there to cover it. Yeah, maybe she's going to do a firework. I'd love to do the firework. Baby, you don't want to hear that song when you're sitting on, effectively, a giant bomb. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Haley.

A wedding planner. She's online. She shares a lot of wedding tips. Is it J-Lo? No, it's not J-Lo. She wasn't the wedding planner, was she? Oh, no, was she the planner? Or was she getting married?

Oh, no, I'm thinking of Monster and Law. That was when her mother an equal equality film. No, I think there was also one where she planned the wedding. Jennifer Lopez films.

Always around a wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not J-Lo. J-Lo hasn't chimed in. And she shares

these little tips and then one of the tips she shared was the average Suck it, by the way. What? She was a wedding planner.

No, but she was also Monster and Law was the bride. She was also Monster and Law she was the What? She was a wedding planner. No, but she was also monster-in-law. She was also monster-in-law. She was the bride. And she was a wedding planner and Matthew McConaughey. That's it.

She falls for him. That's right. Okay, so not J-Lo, but another wedding planner. Yeah, not J-Lo. Thank you for clarifying. She falls in love with him and he starts returning

the feelings, but then she finds out that he's the fiancé of her latest client. That's it. The plot thickens. So the tip she was sharing is about how many drinks

to order at a wedding because we don't want to be running out. If you're catering for people. If you're catering for people, this would apply to any party or big event, right? God, our friends drink a lot. Yes, but the golden number she lands on is seven, right? And even when I read this, I was like,

before the bride and groom come back from their photos, right? And then we're cranking it up a notch. Wait, is this lady in New Zealand? No. America? Yes. So they drink a bit less. How many drinks are in a standard bottle of wine?

Seven. Are they? Yeah. Half pours. What are we talking about? Again though, we would say drink in moderation. Absolutely. Here at the show we drink in moderation and advise you to as well.

When the three of us split one bottle of wine and it takes us two days. For me that's moderation. Yeah. Anyway. Two days to what? Finish the bottle of wine. To drink it between three of us. Yeah. That's our moderation. Maybe add a bit to the cooking. And a little bit in the pasta.

But it makes it feel like we're drinking in the morning because that's when we're together. In the evenings, if we ever do. Anyway, I'm going to play this TikTok that she shared because she then had some people coming at her being like, that's absurd. Like everyone's just drinking seven drinks. That's a booze dance party. Here's how she worked it out. Yes, drinking habits are going to be a little different. Now, of course, you always know your

guests better than everybody else. But let me explain to you how I get to the average number seven drinks per guest at a wedding. First, I always plan for one drink per guest per hour. So right there, that's five drinks. Then you have to factor in cocktail hour. During the first hour of the wedding, your guests drink more than they will the whole night.

So basically, when you break it down like that, one drink per hour for five hours, that's five of her standard drinks gone. And then she goes on

to say, then if you've got like a cocktail, they'll have that, but not everyone's going to get into that. Right. So some people

are going to have more. She said it always works out to be perfect. So if you're catering any kind of wedding or barbecue or party at your house, seven for the night. And that covers people like Nan, who's going to have one Shiraz and be

like giddy. Yep. Or Hayley, who will have Nan's fill. You know what I mean mean And it all kind of Balances out Because you have Some heavier drinkers And you have some lighter drinkers

She was like seven It's perfect If she's This is her job She's just doing Wedding after wedding After wedding She would not

And doesn't want people To waste their money Yeah Can I also Throw on the table Yes A late afternoon wedding Because then people

Might have had a couple Before they get there Yeah yeah yeah yeah So you don't need to be. Or do that really unclassy thing that some people do, arrive at a wedding with a drink. Like I'm a piece of shit, self-professed, awful human. I'm trash.

I'm a human version of the juice at the bottom of your bin. But I'm still not. I'm a juice. I'm not arriving to a wedding with a corona. With a can in hand. Yeah. No. And the bottle, for some reason,

bottling is just horrible. You can wait. You can wait. Especially at a wedding. Have one, finish it, get on the bus to the venue. Yeah. Don't arrive, no drink. It's very unclassy.

Yeah. Very. Trash. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. Do you put deodorant on before bed? I've just learnt that these two do, but you don't shower in the morning. No.

Before you come to work. I will maybe in the weekends and stuff, like after a gym. You shower in the morning. Yeah. So there was an article from the Washington Post that was talking about when you should put on deodorant. They weren't really recommending twice a day,

which I do, morning and night. Yeah. But they were recommending that evening time is better. I think whenever you have a shower, it resets the deodorant. Well, it's also about, deodorant does two things, right? It's antiperspirant, which stops the wetness,

and the deodorant bit is the, smells the smell, and that's from bacteria. And they say if you put it on at night, that's from bacteria and they say if you put it on at night, that's what makes you stink. If you put it on at night, there's something about, I mean I could dive into the scientific article but we don't really need to. So that's saying do it. Do it at night.

Really? Yeah, because you've got a better chance of... Well it lasts 24 hours, right? Yeah, it lasts a better chance of killing the bacteria that creates the unpleasant smell. Okay. But I would never wake up without. There'll be some day I'll go, and I'll remember I didn't put it on.

I'll be like, yeah. Yeah, same. And I'll definitely, I don't stink, but it's there. But does the shower reset the, like, Yeah, washes it off. 100% washes it all off, right? Well, if you're washing properly. Yeah, I scrub the pits.

Yeah, I'm getting there with a... I've moved back to a bar of soap. Ew. Only I use it. You're better than that. Only I use it. No, but you're better than that. Only I use it.

There's a pubic. No, did I shave my pubes off? Yeah, no, but you've got a beard. I'm currently rocking a no-pube situation. I don't know. No. Beard pubes in the soap. I'll say, Vaughan, that's not hot.

Isn't that not hot? No. A bar of soap's not hot. Not hot. It's a nice bar of soap. It's hotter than... It's not like just one of those Cleopatra ones. Palmolive. It's not palmolive. It's like a boutique... It's better

than a Radox. Wait, did you get this free from a hotel? No, I did get it free, but not from a hotel. I sent it. So you got it free. It's nice, though. Just don't use Radox, but, you know. I love Radox. I love the tea tree and mint. But they've definitely

toned down the tea tree and mint because I got some tea tree and mint recently. That's not Radox. That's something else. Oh, is it? The tingly one. The lime tingles.

No, Radox is the one that's bright blue. Oh, yeah. They do a good coconut one. You love the coconut one. The Radox coconut. I love some guys. Not hot. I'm telling you love the coconut one. The Radox coconut. I love that coconut. Guys, not hot. I'm telling you,

from a woman to a man, not hot. Okay? Just use a nice, natural kind of body wash. Beautiful. Something that you might find at Chemist Warehouse.

Thank you. Working in the show sponsor there. I think you can get Radox at Chemist Warehouse as well if you want to continue to be a piece of trash. Do you have, like, deodorant before bed?

75% of people are on Team Vaughan. No deodorant before bed. No deodorant. If you've just had a shower, you're clean. No, but you're clean, but you're raw. Yeah, that's fine. Your pits are raw now. You're unprotective.

You have unprotected sleep. Who's the one that had a complaint about smelling? Not us. Not us. Not us, Fletch. That was well after bed. Well after bed. So your timing's off.

25% of people do apply deodorant before bed. My partner and I have been debating this for months, says Hayley. I'm a yes, he's a no. I don't want to have stinky pits at night, and he obviously does. Devastated with this result to learn that more people are in favour of his no deodorant. I've just found a really simple sentence with the science. Okay.

During the night, our body temperature lowers and sweat production decreases, allowing the active ingredients in antiperspirants, typically aluminium-based compounds, to effectively form plugs in the sweat ducts. Is that how it works? So because you're sweating less, the deodorant's getting in more to the ducts. And then it'll last longer. Thus plugging. I don't want to plug the ducts. All right. Back to, back to. Yeah,ant's getting in more to the ducts. And then it'll last longer.

Thus plugging. I don't want to plug the ducts. All right. Back to, back to. Yeah, we shouldn't really be plugging the ducts. Ashley said, if I shower before bed, I do. I think you should always shower before bed. I don't want to go into bed with my day's grit.

Same. People that don't shower. Are they not doing enough during the day? Maybe not. Yeah, I don't feel right if I don't bother. Nah. When I get into bed, I'm like. Gotta have a rinse. Gotta rinse the day's sins away.

Adam said, Always apply it before bed, otherwise you end up a stinky, sweaty, hot mess. And that's in the UK. Oh, Adam, I'm sorry to hear about that. Even in the UK. Hello? Hello?

Hello, Adam? How are you, mate? How are you, Cobber? Of course, said Tash. A light perfume moisturiser is the best feeling getting into bed clean. Sabrina, not Carpenter. Oh, I got excited. Unbelievable.

But it is Teenage Witch. Oh, thank God. Melissa Joan Hart, welcome. It's good practice to apply deodorant after a shower as the pores are open from the heat and the warm water and then it can better absorb the deodorising content of the... The roll-on is the most effective due to the close contact to skin. are open from the heat and the warm water and then it can better absorb the deodorizing compound of the... Blah, blah, blah. The roll-on is the most effective

due to the close contact to skin. No. As opposed to spray. I don't like roll-on. It's too wet. I gel. Oh, do you?

I do the gel. But roll-on, I roll it on. I push it on. Yeah, like a speed stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're big on the speed sticks and gel in America.

They hardly do any spray deodorants. We're ball. Yeah. Ball roll-on. We're ball roll-on. Usually a shower hardly do any spray deodorants. We're ball. Yeah. Ball roll on. We're ball roll on. Usually a shower before bed and apply deodorant,

then apply just a small amount in the morning as a top up says Sabrina Teenage Witch who doesn't have a shower before work. Okay. I shower in the morning so no need to waste deodorant before bed.

Do you think Tanya also showers at night? Yeah. Am I the only person bookending the sleep with a shower? No, my parents would always have

Two showers a day I think if I worked Like nine to five And I had enough time To wake up in the morning I'd have showered Yeah same To start the day nicely

I'm not wasting 20 minutes in the shower At 4am Like Vaughn ends up Having a five minute shower And is 25 minutes late To work because He's in the shower

Have I been late this year No you've been good boy Have I turned a leaf Have I turned a page I feel like you have turned a leaf. I'm the last one. I've been off for now. I bet I'm betting Hayley all the time.

Yeah, you are. It's a new me. Even in your slow car. It's a new me. My slow car. It is a new you. Sometimes I open up the Find Friends app and I see... And then Hayley and I race to work.

We have a little speedy race. Yeah. Under the speed limit, but we race each other. Of course. Jamie said, I voted no, but then realised that's not entirely true. I use a deodorant called Nud that you apply once every three days after showering, so it depends on showering. I would, I think I sweat too much for this.

Yeah, me too. I couldn't have that. Alexandra, I do, because if I don't, I've got BO by the morning. Oh, okay. But can I just say, ladies, I think sometimes you worry about your natural musk too much. It's a sexy scent. Yeah, there is a, yeah.

It's a sexy, if you're pongy, check with the person that you are intimate with. They might like it. They might like it. Give this a sniff. Pheromones. The hot, sexy pheromones. Yeah, give that a sniff.

I love the smell of a hardworking man. But if I'm getting intimate with his junk, have a shower. Give that a KFC lemon wipe. So AI, they, I mean, AI just uses everything that's already on the internet, right? And it just goes, and now I know it, like it's my own. And a woman who works for a health organisation asked AI a question. What would happen if men had endometriosis?

Now, I was just saying to the boys off-air, I don't have endo, but I've got PCOS, and a lot of people kind of clump them together. I would choose PCOS over endometriosis any day. And even that's how, yeah. PCOS is very debilitating. I don't mean to minimise that for people that have PCOS, but endo, like one of the main symptoms is like pain beyond belief.

I have friends that when they menstruate, they're in hospital. And you're like, because of the pain. And it's completely debilitating. It's awful. And it's endometriosis month, like awareness month and everything at the moment, I do believe. Oh, thank you for informing me. I know someone that's doing some fundraising and stuff for charities that give money to try to come to a solution.

Well, Brie from the afternoon show, she's got it. She's got it. And I don't think everybody would know someone with it, whether or not it's diagnosed, unknown, or mild, or major. And it's this massive scale. And I don't know a ton about it. So it's a tissue similar to the lining of the uterus. It grows outside of the uterus. And it grows and grows.

And it can stick things together, right? It can fuse your tubes and bits. I don't know if you guys know this. I only played Operation, so I didn't know everything was connected. They didn't put the fallopian tubes in there. They didn't put the fallopian tubes in there. They didn't put the fallopian tubes in there. But it's all mushed in. It's all just rocking around inside us right now,

all the bits we need to survive, your lungs, your heart, your stomach. No, it's separated like the guy lying on the table. Yeah. So it can, like, stick stuff together, right? Yeah. But the thing about endo, and I know it's very hard to get a diagnosis because a lot of people don't believe women's pain. So they'll say, I'm an incredible amount of pain.

They're like, well, take a Panadol. It's your period. Welcome to being a woman. And they can go through life thinking that it's normal until one day they'll meet someone that's like, that's not the pain I experience. Anyway, so she asked ChatGPT, we could talk about this for hours, what would happen if men had endometriosis? And I'll just highlight some of it. It's perfect. If men had endometriosis, the condition would likely receive

significantly more research funding, earlier diagnoses, and a wide range of effective treatment options. Historically, conditions that primarily affect men tend to be studied more extensively, leading to better understanding and management. Here's how things might look different. So it broke down the earlier diagnosis,

increased funding, greater awareness and education. So we wouldn't have this thing where people don't really know what it is. We'd just know. Everyone would know. So it broke down the earlier diagnosis, increased funding, greater awareness and education. So we wouldn't have this thing where people don't really know what it is. We'd just know. Everyone would know. Employer and insurance coverage. Companies would accommodate individuals with endometriosis without question, offering medical leave and work flexibility.

Pain validity. This is a massive thing for women. The extreme pain of endometriosis would universally be acknowledged and patients wouldn't be gaslit into thinking it's normal or psychosomatic. God, this fills me with rage. It goes back to medieval times and knights. It would be known as the king's affliction, which would be chronicled in medical texts and knights with severe cases would be excused from battle

with state-sanctioned recovery periods. Military history, the US Army and other global forces would have specialised medical divisions for endofatigue with research-backed treatments developed as early as World War I. Victorian era, I mean, it just goes on in terms of if just the exact same condition with the exact same symptoms had have been inside a man's body. Yeah, we'd be a lot further along.

Sports and athletic brands. Nike and Adidas would design compression gear with built-in heating elements and male athletes with endo would be celebrated for their resilience and adds like stronger than pain. Like I just love that AI can look at something so big and envision it in so many different avenues. Hotels and travel airlines would have endo-priority boarding

with designated rest-friendly seating and in-flight access to heating pads and pain relief. Public restrooms, men's restrooms, would feature endo-relief stations with free painkillers, heating pad dispensers and reclining stalls for flare-ups. Women faint every month because of endometriosis. Yeah, Vaughan, what have you done?

And what have you done? What have you done, Vaughan? What did you do that for? Not enough. What did you do that for? Not enough. Am I right? Not enough.

This is, honestly, I've been pretty anti-AI for a long time. Now you're on board. This is a brilliant look into how a world would be. It's completely nailed it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. From the Notes app

on Vaughn's phone, this is the Top 6. Let's see what Vaughn wrote last night. Top 6 ways to make the morning... Top 6 ways to make the morning... Top six ways to make the morning... There's Vaughan now to about 4pm and then, I don't know, sometimes... And it's not even drinking. Sometimes I just kind of forget what happens in the last part of the day.

Yeah, it's a bit of a stumble through. I think you get tired. It's just autopilot sometimes. Let's see what he did. Top six ways to make morning more fun. It says this was Shannon's suggestion. Yeah. This was because Meghan suggestion Yeah Wait because

This was because Meghan Markle's got like This living show Yes It's on Netflix There's a trailer out for it And she talks about Making mornings more fun

Yeah Is it relatable? Is it? Like You know what it's called? To marry a prince Yeah Live in a mansion

She's still Absolutely gorgeous Oh my god Absolutely And she I mean And I don't think, I don't get the unwarranted hate,

but when you do stuff like this, people will poke a bit of fun. I just think people just love the royal family and they think that she's torn it up. And also she's a woman of colour and people just say... Didn't want that in the palace, did they? Yeah.

A sneak peek behind Megan Markle's new TV show, which is called With Love, Megan. It's an intolerable title. It's an intolerable title. It's going to be eight parts. It centres on her sharing cooking, gardening and hosting gardening. Oh my god. Is she at Gardening Buckingham Palace?

And hosting tips with friends and other famous guests. This is not going to be good, eh? Now it was supposed to premiere earlier but of course she lives in Los Angeles this was filmed in Los Angeles, and then Los Angeles burnt down. Yeah. And she thought, Netflix thought it might be in bad taste

when people have lost their homes, that there's a show saying, here's how to live your best life in your lovely home. Put a sprig of rosemary in your water when your guests come around. Like, well, I've lost everything. She said, and I quote, the trailer shows her setting up a rainbow coloured platter of fruit on a chopping board.

While talking about being a parent, now you don't have to make a big platter of this. You could do one with a small row for the kids' breakfast. Generally, genuinely, it just makes the morning a lot more fun. Well, you know I got a charcuterie board after school every day, but that was the afternoon. Pat's had plenty of time to put it together. Yeah, and that's a private school thing.

That's right. How are six ways to make your morning more fun if you don't have time for a charcuterie board. Number six, sleep till it's almost over. Yeah, great. Get up at 12. Yeah, and then you're like,

oh, that morning was fun. I was catching up on much needed sleep. Number five on the list of the top six ways to make a morning more fun, bacon and eggs. Yum.

The ultimate, the ultimate combo. I always wonder if I had time every morning if I'd have eggs every day. Yeah, definitely. I think I would. You would.

I think I would. Omelette, scramble. If it wasn't 4.30am. My great uncle famously would eat bacon and eggs for breakfast every morning. Delicious. How long did he last? Well, he also had Parkinson's and he smoked and he drank. Okay.

So we're not blaming the bacon. To be honest, he did bloody well to last as long as he did. Number four on the top six ways to make a morning more fun. Decide who you want to ruin that day and get about it. Ruin someone else's day to make your day fun. No, okay. Okay, this was post 4 p.m. Vaughan. He's a different man. Ruin someone else's day To make your day fun Oh no Okay Okay This was post 4pm Vaughan

He's a different man Number 3 on the list Of the top 6 ways To make morning more fun Coffee It's tried and it's true Yeah Actually

It works Number 2 on the list Of the top 6 ways To make morning more fun Eat something that's not Supposed to be eaten In the morning Like sushi

We have breakfast sushi In the morning We get some odd looks But for me That's my lunch You've been up so. We get some odd looks, but for me, that's my lunch. You've been up so long. We've been up for six hours. That's lunchtime. But eat something that's not traditionally for breakfast.

What's that? A chicken. A whole chicken. Or Hayley this morning, pasta and mints. I'm having spag bol. Spag bol for breakfast. Spag bol for brekkie. And you're in a better mood than you were yesterday when you were trying to force down oats.

Yeah. Yum. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six ways to make morning more fun, get up and live your best life. Oh, pass off. I know. I was intolerable.

Did you hear that? That was so yuck. Get up. Get out of bed. Don't hit snooze. Live your best life. Be grateful for the day. Live life, love.

Meet the day. Carpe diem. Meet the day face on. Oh, yuck. And give it a big smooch. Yuck. Start your day with a positive give it a big smooch. Yuck. Start your day with a positive attitude. That's the next episode.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Look, you know, when you get to go to Disneyland, it's... When? What an opportunity. It rules. Disneyland is a great fun place. It's really, really fun.

I've been twice. If I lived near there, I could have a year pass. Yeah,, really fun. I've been twice. I could, if I lived near there, I could have a year pass. Yeah, I probably would. I would. Yeah. I'd just go and hang out in the Star Wars park

all the time. Sometimes I'd dress up. Sometimes I wouldn't. Yep. Sometimes I'd just be like, It's fun. I'd lie down on the ground. Yeah.

And they'd be like, oh God, he's back. It's definitely not my, it's not my fault because I'm not a Disney fanatic. I mean, I do six, I do like a six flags, like more roller coasters.

I do Knott's Berry Farm. Yeah. Which is a bit more adult. But happiest place on earth. So a couple are there, and they say allegedly, they allegedly did this. They would say that. They have allegedly made a dubious decision

regarding their child's safety at Disneyland because they were filmed by a stranger who posted online and she saw a pram sitting sort of in the, you know, underneath area of a ride. Yeah. And it had a little cloth over it. And then the person saw the pram wiggle a little bit and was like, holy hell, there's a baby in there. Mum and dad had parked up the pram,

put over the sunshade, and just jumped on the ride. What ride? Does it say what ride? Guardians of the Galaxy ride. That's inappropriate for a baby to be on the falling tower. That's the old one, you know, the lift you go up. And people are like,

did they use to be the hotel one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, that's a great ride with the Guardians of the Galaxy skin it's even better like they've got the whole story to it

and you're like trying to act thing and they're trying to get you out of the room oh I love it and also the doors open every now and then to look out at the view

you'll be able to check on the kids check on the kids Graham's still there before you drop Graham's still there drop down Graham's still there

yep so it's currently being like looked into you know by police and stuff because it's, people are saying this is a pretty wild parenting move. They abandoned their child at Disneyland outside of Ride in a pram. Well, who's going to snatch a baby, you know? At the happiest place. At the happiest place on earth.

Yeah. I mean, this is the thing. It's just lucky our parents They didn't parent in the age of video cameras And because it was Things were much looser Much looser Back then

We were at home Rattling about on our own We were just doing all sorts You didn't need a babysitter Babysitter schmaby schmider Just don't touch the bloody matches Don't touch Don't turn the house down

Yeah We'd always be like Who's in charge? Who's in charge? Who's in charge? Oh yeah Just don't touch the bloody matches. Don't touch it. Don't burn the house down. Where do I go? Who's in charge? Who's in charge? Who's in charge? Oh, yeah. And my brother was always in charge.

No. Because he's older. When we got to a certain age, they were like, today Vaughn's in charge. They shared it around. What did you do when you were in charge? Cop of the block. Walk around like the mayor. La, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la.

Turn the TV off. La, la, la, la, la. Give me that TV reminder. We're watching what I want to watch because I'm in charge. Well, I want to know this morning because, yeah. We were like, I mean, there still are kids that ride motorbikes, farm kids ride motorbikes, but it blew people's minds when you started going to a town school

and you talk about riding motorbikes or just doing any driving. Oh, yeah. We just used to drive. As a town driver, it's wild to me. But we just used to, I think I could drive when I was like 12 a manual. I could competently drive. My grandad would let me drive down the road. Because he just wanted to, I don't know,

he didn't even smoke. But you wouldn't do that now, right? Maybe on a farm, but not. I think rural life, because there's no cameras, because there aren't people there. Oh my god, my parents like someone just texted, my parents left me and my twin sister outside Splash Mountain in our prams when we were two.

God, you're conscious. Great ride! It's a great ride. Again, all these rides, to me, justify leaving a baby in a pram while you're going on the ride. And to you, a man who doesn't want to be a father. They should have, outside each ride

at Disneyland, an area where someone supervises the prams. Look, pram watch. Yeah. And you get like a beeper tag. They did clarify that was 2002 though.

So that, when I came out. It's a different time. Right, okay. This is what I want to know this morning. What was the wild parenting move that your parents made?

Do you reckon, I'm just trying to like, they said 2002. I was like, okay, what was the, you know what I'm just trying to like, they said 2002, I was like, okay, what was the, you know what I reckon the one thing was

that changed everything? What? Madeleine McCann. Oh yeah, for sure. Oh yeah. We were sad though. Because before 2004,

2005, Madeleine McCann? Yeah. Because before then, of course your parents are just going to send you back to the room at the resort.

Who would do that? Lock the door and be like, well, they're not going anywhere. Put the TV on. But now, everyone's like, my child could be the next Madeleine McCann.

I don't want to be the bad guy. Oh, I know. But also, maybe not even just abandoning you, just like, you know, chucked you on the back of a trailer. I mean, that's the thing you used to ride

on the back of Utes or on... Yeah, it was fun. Nobody cared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was 2007. What was that? Okay. We want to know,

what was the wild parenting move? In studio, we're experiencing a generational divide of Carwen, who is doing a great job at just saying, hey, some of these are bad. Yeah. And we're like, whoa, my God, what like? And she's like, you know, people were being left at home and their parents are going to the pub. And we're like, that's a glaring difference in our generation because that's funny.

We're all like, what, are they going to take us? Yeah, the funniest part about that was, and Carwin said, and the dad left a note, but they were only four, so they couldn't read. And again, we said, that's funny. And that's just what we grew up with, isn't it? So we're talking about. The note, I assume, is for somebody else who stumbles across these children

would read the note and be like, oh, they're fine. Their dad's going to be back soon. So talking about the wild parenting moves that your parents made because some parents have just been caught leaving their child at Disneyland outside a ride while they went on the ride. Yeah. As you do. In a pram.

Yeah. Just left them there. There are some incredible text messages coming through. Here's a wild move. My dad's the boss of a forestry company and I was operating diggers at eight if he was shorthanded. No!

Eight! Eight. An eight-year-old boy's dream is to drive a digger and you're out there living that dream. Forestry is like dangerous. The most dangerous. Isn't it our most dangerous industry?

Oh my God. In eight. Wow. I love that all their friends will be playing with their like Tonka trucks

and they're like I've got an actual digger. Yeah, I've got a digger. Natalia, what was the wild parenting move? Dad bought a couple

of cars and didn't tell mum so he grabbed me and my little brother, dragged us down to Brizzy, which was nine hours out, and made us drive the cars back. Nine-hour drive. Wait, your brother did the driving or you did as well?

Yeah, we drove a car each. They bought two cars. Wait, how old were you? Dad drives down and then he's bought two cars. Do you want to guess how old we were? No. Not legal to drive? No. Not legal to drive? No, not legal to drive.

I was 16 and he was 14. Oh, wow. Okay, and you made it the night. 14-year-old dude just like. Yeah, they made it. It's resilience. That's teaching a bit of bloody. And the funny thing is,

Dad copped a bullet in the side of his car on the way home to Womba. At least it wasn't one of the kids. Caller of the week. You've got a caller of the week. Caller of the week, Natalia. I'm going to this caller of the week. All right. A nine-hour drive.

I want to go and have a little beer with Natalia and just listen to her stories. I've just got to feel like, if you're nine hours from Brisbane, where do you live? Where do you live? Oh, Natalia. Ask some messages in. Yeah, boy. Somebody said, you haven't lived until you've been sent to the dairy with a note and some cash to buy Mamu's ciggies.

Yeah, I get some durries. God, the producers just look shocked at that one too. Yeah. My dad bought a car once. We drove all the way to the Waikato and he made me hold a torch while he changed his driving. While he changed his driving back to Tauranga. I was eight at the time.

Did the headlights not work? What is happening here? I just need some clarification on that. Were you holding a torch because the headlights weren't working? I don't know. My dad got us out of the bar, four and two, sat us in front of a bar heater so we wouldn't get cold, and he said, I'm just going to go put the car in the garage.

But he drove up and put a bit on the All Blacks of the TAV. A bar heater. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. My parents used to put me to bed and go and clean a pub. That's better than going to the pub. They're hustling.

They're working. Yeah, they're working. They're working. They're hard, Mahi. I lived on a huge farm. My sister and I were allowed to roam alone if we took the dog. Only if we took the dog as a babysitter. Sometimes we'd be gone overnight.

We'd take a tent and snacks. Our parents would be like, where you been? No idea where you've been. That's resilience. That's resilience. My parents worked full time and late. We would go to and from school via a taxi. They'd give us the cash

and they'd hail us a cab. Okay. Then we got home, we microwaved our dinner. My brother was five, I was nine. Wow. Again, parents working hard

to make it happen. I got taken to Disneyland when I was a kid. I was too short for one of the rides. Mum said, hold on to this barn. Don't you dare let go. And I just held on to a fence as mum and dad went on the rides. Don't let go of the fence.

Do not let go of this fence. Do not let go. If a man grabs you and tries to pull you away, don't you let go. My parents used to leave us in a car when they went into the pub and Dad would bring us out a jug of raspberry and Coke to share in the car. A jug of raspberry Coke. But we were told not to spill it under any circumstance. As a parent, I completely understand now the need for a quiet wine in a pub.

Isn't that your kids? Yeah, totally. Totally. We used to do this and I never thought anything of it. Yeah. Haybarns were stacked up hay bales and you'd climb up to the top of them and then go whoop and try to slip down between them. And my kids would get like crushed or everything.

Yeah, that's terrible. It was fun. Stop being a wimp. I always pull my mum up on the fact that she would never miss a pump class. She was a Les Mills girl back in the 90s. Never miss a pump class. So if me and Sam were sick, she used to bring us

to the gym with an ice cream bucket, you know, like an empty ice cream container. Imagine you're doing it close now and there's a kid in the back with a bucket.

I remember distinctly vomiting into a tip-top ice cream container while people were doing squats and they were wearing those G-strings over bike short leotards. Like that was the early, early 90s.

She just didn't want to miss Les Mills pump release two. She was getting a pump release two. Release two. You didn't want to miss a new release. My mum has just messaged me saying, don't you remember helping your dad drive home when he broke his collarbone? He stared with one hand and got you to change the gears.

You were about 11. I do remember that. So you were just cranking the gears. Yeah, it was fun. And then he got home and Mum's like, why didn't you bloody go to the hospital? Go now. Now.

It's all right. It was a tight corner to get to the hospital. Hard men. Had to take the straightest way home. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Yesterday we did our little poll was if you could only use one utensil for the rest of your life, what would it be? I went fork.

Fletch, you went fork. Spoon. I went spoon. Oh, you went spoon. Vaughan went fork. Fork. Couple of forks here. So I was heating up my lunch at the...

Shared space. Shared common space. Ooh, it wasn't fish, was it? No, it was the same thing I'm having for breakfast. It was a spag bol. Okay. Right? And I went to go get a fork out of the cutlery drawer.

I pull open the cutlery drawer. We've just talked about cutlery all morning. I see the spoons. I think, no, thank you. Not for my spag bol. I would eat a spag bol on it because it's spaghetti, eh? Yeah, there's like pasta shapes. Oh, no, I'd do that with a spoon.

No, okay. Well, you're a basic bitch and it's embarrassing. So there's the spoons. I see those. I think, no, thank you. There's a spoon. No, okay. Well, you're a basic bitch and it's embarrassing. So there's the spoons. I see those. I think, no, thank you. There's the knives. I think, obviously not. Then I see the forks and I'm like, what's happened here?

The forks, every single fork in this cutlery drawer, of which there are like dozens, three-pronged. A trident of sorts. A mini trident of sorts. It was the most feral thing. I'll show you. I took a photo. I was so aghast. It was... They just don't look right, hey? Look at it.

Oh yeah. It's so skinny. But not like this. Ah! All of them. Ah! Do you know what? I'm going to send this to Shannon to put on our social media because it's disgusting. It's like a miniature barbecue fork. I don't know if that's going to gel with Shannon's social media plan. Can we put this on?

We'll put that on the grid as well. We won't just story it. Shannon, does that work for you, a three-pronged fork on the grid? We're not gridding that. I think we can probably grid it. I'll write up a little write-up. Hayley was so aghast when she could find with three prompt forms. This is like the time that Vaughan went rogue and posted that random like file on the ground.

And it doesn't look good on the feed. No, but stay tuned for the finals of Babes to the Board getting posted right now. I'm locked out of the socials. Gosh, she's just hijacked my, I'm locked out of the socials. Shannon's banning our sick content ideas. I want the sick content. I want to see, I want to see this. You can post in PottyFam Why don't you do that

Which you can join on Facebook Mum Stop plugging things mum KPIs Wow mum I just googled three prong fork And they sell them Like Briscoe's has a whole bunch

But do you think What are they for? I think they're for like Posh little pre-dessert things Or No yeah yeah It's got to be small. No, but smaller in every way a cake fork.

Yes. The teaspoon of forks. Yes. This was a full-size three-pronged fork and of which it was the only choice. Yeah, no, that's wrong. That's too big to be that fork that you've seen that I think would just pop off on social media as a grid post. As a grid post. As a grid post.

As a grid post. I'm grid post. As a grid post. I'm going to post it on my own grid. Yeah. And just watch my numbers rise. I will put money on the fact now that as a grid, it will get more likes than anything else we post this week. Yeah. Well, okay, here we go.

It's going on. I'll say it. This week, the content on the show has been terrible. That's actually your fault. That's us. We're the ones making the content. You're actually just bagging on us and the stuff that we say. I'm here in our dojo, and I'm just trying to.

Whoa, whoa. I'm trying to kick the butt twice. Well, if you'd like to see a three-pronged fork, wow. It's coming to my social media right now. That's on Instagram right now. We've got the final of Babes of the Board next. This is our search for the sexiest board game character. And a wild card entry has entered the villa.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes ago posted 56 likes, 12 comments. About the fork. I might actually share your post. Yeah, I can share that to my story actually. I'll tag him. I'll be like, check out this fork. I might actually share your post. Oh. Yeah, I can share that to my story, actually. I'll tag it. I'll tag it. I'll be like, check out this fork, guys.

It's great content. Flesh-worn and Hayley's Babes of the Board. Well, Babes of the Board. This started because they've made the new Guess Who game a lot sexier, haven't they? They have. All the characters have had erasures. You got rid of all the mingers. They have.

All the mingers are gone. Everyone's hot. And we were like feeling confused about it. And then we were like, there are other hot board game people. Yeah, a lot of people sharing their thoughts. And we had a whole list. We've had round robins, a lot of rounds. And we've got through to a final round with a wildcard entry. Someone that we are bringing back into the very last round of voting. So it will be the Monopoly man. It will be Professor Plum from Cluedo. Yep.

And our wildcard, Bill from the original Guess Who. Original Bill. Egghead Bill, ginger man. Fat little chap. First capillaries, rosy cheeks, ginger goatee. Ginger goatee. Yeah. First capillaries, our favourite way to describe the guye. Bit of a lean here, ginger goatee. First capillaries, our favourite way to describe the guy. Slightly balding?

He's got the ring, doesn't he? Yeah. The ring of hair. Yeah. He's made it in. And do you know what? I'm team Bill. I'm going original OG Bill Minger to win Babes of the Board.

Well, because I can't have the hungry hippos, gobble, gobble gobble I'm going to go Professor Plum because he's just got that elder emo vibe and that's me. Yep. You know what I mean?

He's right up your alley. We were emo when we were teenagers. We just can't quite shake it off completely. Yeah. We're still kind of cool. I'm going to go for well, that leaves me

I'll back Monopoly, man. Okay. Great guy. Well, you get $200 every time you go around. And then puts you in jail. Naughty. Ties you up.

And then we'll just be like, you know what? Get out of here. And if you land on his free parking, depending on your rules, you could be in for it. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. God, they do it well. I'm actually wearing a Kmart skirt today. Linen little skirt.

It's perfect. I love it. It was $11. I love a little Kmart buy. And I love their viral products that are either dupes or just amazing. Perfect. I love it. It was $11. I love a little Kmart buy. And I love their viral products that are either dupes or just amazing. What was the one?

There was the period heat thing. Yeah. Yeah, they went crazy. Yeah, they went crazy. They always sell out. Didn't they have dupes of vacuum cleaners?

Yeah, they had a Dyson. They've got a Dyson dupe. They've got it all. Okay, now they have for $45 digital video recorder. It's a dad cam. It's a camcorder

that you'd slip your hand in the side. From like the 80s? Mm, 90s more, you know, like, that's not as big as the

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 90s, 2000s more. Oh my God, yes. Yeah, yeah. I used to rock one of those pre-phones. Yeah, pre-phones, anytime you wanted to 90s, 2000s more. Oh, my God, yes. I used to rock one of those pre-phones. Yeah, pre-phones. Anytime you wanted to film something.

2000s. Camcorder. It has a 16-time digital zoom. That's pretty good. 20-inch LCD screen. Not 20. 2.0-inch. You open up your camcorder and it's the size of a large laptop monitor.

No, man, this is too big. This feels inconvenient to me. I want you in my life happening on television. Yeah. Two-inch LCD screen, 16 megapixels. HD, it films in HD. For $45, a camcorder. And people are absolutely going crazy for this.

How? Out of stock. How $45? Yeah. I know. I will not accept China as an answer. China. Because that's how I always answer things.

When I don't know, I say China. I'm just going to look up some suburbs. In our pockets, our phones have incredible cameras. Yes, but this gives you that. It's the vintage kind of retro. I hate saying retro about something that was like me. I know. That's it.

That's the age. It sucks so much. But it's just, you know, people want to get into it. Okay, Porirua's got some stock. Blenheim's got some stock. Okay. Auckland's all out. Carl, when you saw these, you regret not buying one.

I really do. I will say that it does have the little Just Landed logo which often means that if it says it's out of stock they might have just not actually put it on the shelves yet. Crash Shoot Rickertons got some.

No, it's not completely sold out like these came out products. But also you could just take a video on your phone and then put a filter on it. Yeah, I mean some influencers have been posting on TikTok

reviews of what it actually looks like. It's not great but it's definitely fun for the vibes. You know what I mean? It's a vibe. You can look back and be like, oh my God, look at this grainy video of us at Laneway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Digital allows you to record and store video footage for various uses. We'll put a tripod in the corner. Tell me more, sir. What a mystery object you're carrying around. With its functional design and easy controls, it can be used for security,

capturing important moments suitable for home, office or travel needs. How do you go wrong for $45? That's insane, eh? I will say that it kind of looks, you know how sometimes when it's cheap, it looks like you've been squished a little bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The proportions are off.

It makes you skinnier? Is this a skinny camera? Is this a skinny camera? looks like you've been squished a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The proportions are off. It makes you skinnier? Oh. Is this a skinny camera? Is this a skinny camera? Also, if you want to save $45, $40, $50 or whatever, just go to mum and dad's or your grandparents and try and find their old cyber shot. Yeah, but I've got my Sony cyber shot.

The batteries will be shot. Oh, yeah. The batteries will charge, but they'll only last for a minute. Yeah. My dad was just chucking that thing on the charger willy-nilly. Yeah. And some of them might actually use tapes. I was going to say, you're not going to be able to.

And then you're going to have to find that cord that is the RCA. And then good luck finding a modern TV with, you know, the yellow, the red, and the white. Nah, just got to came up. 45 buckaroo, you can't go wrong. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. The beep test. Because my daughter's terrified as part of, now she's in high school,

as part of hockey and netball and all of these sports, that the beep test is on the horizon. She has not done the beep test, but she knows of the urban legend that is. Everybody remembers the pain of the beep test. Oh, yeah. Did you ever use an excuse in a note to get out of the beep test or PE? 100%. So often.

Yeah. I had crutches and I got an X-ray. I wasted medical time because I didn't want to do it. And so I just was like, oh. Oh, so you weren't actually, nothing was broken? Nothing. Not even sore. I just couldn't be bothered I got out of PE

As much as possible I hated getting changed I was a goth That's how good you were at acting That's how I got into At a young age Yeah That's how I got in

Yeah so the beep test The beep test Awful It was bad Did not enjoy it Never did well No Did you guys do

The 12 minute run Yep Where you had to run around A 400 Or an 8 those tracks as fast as you could for 12 minutes. And they would record your distance and then you would do it again later in the year to try to see that you'd improved. Yeah. And never improved. Never improved because I haven't run since the first one. Someone has messaged in, Hayley, do you remember the block run?

Yep, I remember the block run. What was that? Our school had a, we didn't have a field at our school. Oh, poor. Oh, no, it was a heritage building, darling. And then we went to change the topography of it. I'm surprised they just didn't buy some houses next door to the poor people. No, next door was the American Embassy, darling.

We couldn't move it. There was no rooms. So we had to do the block run around Thorndon instead and we had to go past the embassy and around the park. Did you, when you had like PE, did you just go on the grounds of the Beehive? We were pretty close to the Beehive. No, not on the grounds of the Beehive. There was a park outside the American Embassy, darling.

A park? We were allowed to. We got the day off when there was a bomb threat. When you were calling a bomb threat to get out of PE? No, but it's happened twice in my five years. Wow. It was quite fun. No, we weren't real, don't worry.

The 12-minute run, the beep test. Someone just messaged in, what's the beep test? They would put out two lines 20 metres apart and it would go, level one, beep, and you'd have to run to the other end before it beeped. And you'd get there and it'd go, beep, and then you'd start running back. And the beeps progressively got shorter between them so you had to run to the other end before it beeped. And you get there and go beep, and then you start running back. And the beeps progressively got shorter between them,

so you had to run faster. And you were allowed – were you allowed to miss? Two. You were allowed to fall behind two times before they said no. Ah, okay, yeah. Yeah. Someone said the beep test was all about technique. Now, I will ask you kindly to shut your face.

No, but – I mean, no, they're right. But Sade posted a video of the girls having a little go, right, at your house. And I love that. Who was running? August. August was running and he was like,

I told you this is why you don't use all your steam in the start. You've got to pace yourself. You've got to pace yourself. It's about pacing. And you do have to kind of turn. You've got to, yeah, swivel. Like swimmers. They don't waste their time turning around.

Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how to do it. Look at me. Thank you. But does anything about this particular physique scream quick to turn around? So we want to ask now, if it was the beep test or whatever it was, what was the worst thing you

hated about PE? The worst part of PE. For me, 12 minute run sucked, beep test sucked, rope climb, the worst. But wasn't the worst part of PE for you when your shorts came off in the pool? Oh, when everyone saw your little diddle? Anyone was like,

boy's got a little diddle Vogue's got a little tittle But it unlocked my humiliation kink That's right actually So bad but good Bad but good Bad but good Now I can't even pull my pants down

At the workplace And be humiliated I always remember this Like it was at primary school We had to go on the trampoline On to one of those What are those things That are like

Hobby horse Hobby horse Not Hobby horse. Not hobby horse. Vault horse. A vault. A vault thing. Yeah, and they'd stack them higher and higher. Yes, they'd stack them higher,

and on top there was like a material foam pad bit. And there was this girl who was, and she didn't make it from the tramp onto the top of the horse and just went straight to the side of it. That happened all the time. It was really bad. You're looking back on it.

It was bad that they just chucked all of the people, varying physical abilities and strengths and weights and heights. And they'd chuck them all in and be like, have at. Like it was horrible. Yeah. It was horrible. They shouldn't protect them. They didn't make us do maths with the dummies.

The dummies got their own maths class because we couldn't be like... But then they'd chuck us all in the same PE class. What about the worst part of PE was if they had two team captains? Oh, my God. And then they got to choose. You get picked last. One for one, for one, for one, for one. And you're like...

We are talking about the worst part of PE. And I tell you what, the text machine, it can't keep up. This is so funny. We've opened a bit of trauma. And I tell you what, the text machine, it can't keep up. This is so funny. We've opened a bit of trauma here, I feel. Yeah. I want to just shout out to the chubby kids

as a chubby child. Dodgeball. Oh, yes. In fact, just PE in general. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Everything. The dodgeball,

no way. No, thank you, sir. The dodgeball, no way. No thank you, sir. Because people are going to aim at me because I'm the bigger target and it's going to hit me in my face. And it hurts when you get hit in the face. And even if you're not crying, the bop to the nose makes the eyes water and then everyone's like crying, crying, crying. Also, shout out to the five-year-old who's off to school chanting Vaughan's got a little diddle after hearing you. Vaughan's's off to school chanting, Vaughan's got a little diddle after hearing you.

Vaughan's got a little diddle. Vaughan's got a little diddle. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. But maybe just tie your swimming shorts up next time. I will tie them. Especially during the swimming sports. So much harder.

Worst part about PE was that I took my shirt off before getting changed. Trauma. I don't shirt off before getting changed. Trauma. I don't even remember the changing rooms. I think in girls' school it was, like, not a thing. I can picture them and I can smell them, and that's what everybody else said, the smell of the changing rooms afterwards when everybody was just cranking the Lynx Africa.

Yeah. But this is from a girl. She said, I was getting changed before I took off my shirt and the cushion stuffing. Oh. Oh, we've got her. Anonymous. Anonymous.

Oh, hi, guys. Good morning. I'm stuffed. What did you get caught doing in the changing rooms? Oh, shit. I just got fired. So, yes, back at school, I was a surfboard, and all the other girls had boobs, and I didn't.

So I thought I would be pretty clever and stuff my bra, because my mum was too cheap to buy me the pants ones, with, like, cushion stuffing. And I was getting undressed, like, really pretty proud of myself and didn't realise that the cushion stuffing was sticking out the top of my bra. And, of course, nobody mentioned it or teased you, did they? Yeah, they just let it go. Oh, no, they did.

Yeah. They did. And what made matters worse was I got a massive rash from the stuffing. Oh, my God. Oh, because it's like some kind of synthetic. Now, what, did you get a nickname after that? I did. I can't say them on here because they're pretty crude, but

I can proudly say I had boobs after having three children. Congratulations. Congratulations on your breasts. I'm just going to turn our mics, I'm just going to come off here with you and get the nickname. So we can hear. Hang on just one moment. Are all of us coming? We'll all go.

You guys wait here. Listeners wait here. Listeners wait here. We're just going to have a sidebar with them. Yeah. Okay. Okay, yeah. We can't say those. Yeah, we can't say those on air. Those nicknames.

Anonymous, thank you for sharing. That's lovely. You're welcome, guys. Opening up. Thanks so much. Have a great day. a great day Again, congrats on the breasts You're well done on the breasts And we're hearing from the other side of things as well The big boobie girls

Somebody said I had double D's at the age of 14 I'm gonna keep on Bouncing in the big Boobie girls Just know that you were the envy of every other Girl like me, I was a surfboarder still. But that's the human condition, right? The girl with no boobs wants the big boobs.

The big boobs is like, I'd rather have no boobs. We want what we don't have. At 13, I was putting on tanning lotion the night before swimming sports at school. The chlorine reacted and I turned green. Oh, hon. You don't swim after a spray. Please tell me you've got a nickname like Kermit or something Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kermie

Definitely Kermie Kermie Jumping into the pool How great is bullying, eh? I know, bring back bullying Don't bring back bullying No, okay, we're joking

Bullying is a toxic behaviour Come on, small Willie I'm happy, come on, little diddle Okay, let me and my little diddle guide you guys through the checks. All right, Diddle, you take it from here. Thanks, Vaughn. Oh, thanks. I feel really chipper.

Duathlon. Wet running with no bra. Absolutely horrible. Big nip chaffage there. Big nip chaffage. Big nip chaffage there. Oh, my God. You just traumatized me.

You mentioned the 12-minute run. I'd squashed it deep, deep down. Hadn't thought of it for years and years and years and years and years. But, yeah, I fell over once and just lay there crying. Hey, you do what you do, you boo. We need more pay attention. Yeah, Matt, have a cry. You'll be right.

Just get up and come back over. The sit and reach test, like, where you sit on your butt. Even now I'm bad at that. I can't even touch my toes. No that I can't even touch my toes No I can't even touch my toes I've never been able To touch my toes I hated everything

About high school PM A big breasted woman Double D's And we couldn't afford A sports bra Yeah But I love netball and squash We had to do a 1K fun run

No it's sweet We had to do a 1K fun run For charity and primary And as a chubby kid it was the worst silver lining I was trying trying to finish

and basically one of the last ones trying to do it so my mum started running beside me to encourage me super cute that's cute that's nice motherhood my mother wouldn't have

no my mother would have been like move it Hayley yeah she probably just would have gone home early because she would have had things to do my would have gone home early because she would have had things to do

she would have been there she would have been at work getting changed in the change room I was at an all girls school every part of it we're hearing from lots of girls

that were just like getting changed before was the traumatic part about PE nothing compares I'm really shocked at the amount of people that have talked about

getting weighed or fat pincers yeah in front of the class they did that at PE. Not in my time. I thought that was just a gym. Not in my time. No, I remember having someone had a grab, a pincer.

Wow. Oh, no. Looking back, that's a shame. None of your business. I'm a care of a gal. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

It's fart week here at Fact of the Day. Okay. There they are. And we've been covering all sorts of farts. Today I want to talk about a very famous farter, Roland the Farter. Roland the Farter was a sort of a court jester of sorts. Oh. And he was a medieval flatulist.

That was his specialty. There was juggling. There was singing. There was comedy. And his specialty was being able to fart on demand. Oh my god, this could have been me if I lived in medieval times. With the King's Jester, with my IBS.

You might not have had IBS back then with all the, like, because they just had pigeons and pigeon pie and like sourdough, I think. Sourdough and pigeons. Pigeon on sourdough. Pigeon pie. Pigeon pie and like sourdough, I think. Sourdough and pigeons. Pigeon on sourdough.

Yeah. Yum. Pigeon pate on sourdough. Maybe like quail eggs. Quail eggs. And quails, I think. They didn't have much. You're right, mate.

IBS would have been much better off. Some mead. Yeah. A bit of mead. And some sourdough. That might have made you tooty. Could have. Could have.

So Roland the Farter, he performed for King Henry II and King Henry II was so taken by him, he was given a manor and 30 acres of land

in return for his services as a farter. Each year, the crowning moment of his performance year would be at Christmas when at the King's Court

he would be obliged to perform his always hilarious act, Sultum Siffletum Petum, which stood for a jump, a whistle and a fart. They were all performed at once. So he'd jump and whistle and fart all at once. And every year it crowned off a wonderful year as it was performed at Christmas.

And the King loved it so much. He got a free house. Sick, jolly king. Gave him Hemmingstone Manor in Suffolk and 30 acres of land. Right. To live on. Creepers, creepers. And he said, you just pop in every Christmas and give me a little toot.

Yeah, give me a little toot and a jump and a whistle. How would you find that funny after all that time? Farts are always funny. I still find farts funny. Yeah. All at once, yeah. I'm just thinking, jumping. I didn't even fart, but that's funny ass.

I'd give you a house if I had one. That's funny ass. That was good. He then went on to earn 110 acres more. He was paid a night's fee. They just loved him so much. Wow. He just kept going And he said

And people were just He was everybody's favourite No one had a bad thing to say about him That I can find online And he's well documented And there's paintings and all sorts of things They also didn't have Facebook comments back then So if they did you might find something bad

Oh yeah Someone would have taken Yeah yeah Someone would have taken offence To the farts So today's fact of the day is Roland the Farter once earned a manor and many acres of land through his wonderful farting. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- embarrassed to be providing it and as taxpayers we should be demanding more. Now, join me up next on Newstalk

ZB. No, no, no. This is Mourn's view from the left. Okay, right. Mouthpiece for the left. No. Regardless of your politics, I think we should be embarrassed. That's why we're serving our children. But my daughter goes to a big high school now. And she was like, oh, is it okay if I buy my lunch one day this

week? I was like, yeah, sure. And she's like, open up a job maybe? Dude, go get a job and pay for it. Hey. This is my baby girl. This is my baby girl. She gets whatever she wants. Within reason.

And she's like, oh, open up the app. The app. What? I'll tell you next. What? An app for school lunches? My dude. Tooes? My dude! My dude!

Prepare to have your mind blown. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Let me tell you about my daughter's school lunch orders that are possible. Not dealing with this hot trash fire that is the provided school lunches which are embarrassing us as a country. My favourite school lunch was the one

with the melted plastic in it. Yeah, me too. Because that's a bit of susten school lunch was the one with the melted plastic in it. Yeah, me too. Because that's a bit of sustenance, you know? It's just something and it... It sits with you, eh? It doesn't rush through you. It doesn't... It's slow release energy.

Yeah, yeah. Really slow. Low GI. Very low GI. The lowest GI. Yeah. So Indy, my daughter, said, by the way, someone messaged in, there's absolutely no way that your daughter's at a high school.

She has but a baby. You're telling me. I know, yeah. Where's the time gone? You're telling me. So your daughter's at a high school. She has but a baby. You're telling me. I know, yeah. Where's the time gone? You're telling me. So she's at a big high school. She's at a big high school. And she said, is it all right if I buy a lunch window this week?

And I was like, yeah, of course. Like plenty of Marmite sandwiches in the fridge. Yeah, exactly. So I said, oh yeah. Mentally dense. Well, how does it work? Because this is a massive school. Yeah.

And thousands of kids go there. And she's like, open up the app. And I'm like, what? Excuse me? What? Are you not lining up? Get a tuck shop like every other school. Are you not lining up in the line and they've got the big steel bars that separate it so you stay in the queue and your little mate nips under?

I feel like the steel bars at the school tuck shop were always a bit aggressive. Dude, yeah. We're not at Eden Park drunk trying to get some chips, you know. And they were thigh height when you were a teenager so they'd bump you into it and you'd be like,

oh, dead leg. We just had to, ours was inside and we just had to line up in a small school but had to line up in the hallway. For your crayfish.

for the crayfish. And then when I gave them some days that they were out of, they were out of cray. Oh. What did you have to do? You'd have to settle for the caviar.

Yeah, or like a slow cooked pork belly or something like that. I'm so sorry to hear it. Private school sounds really tough. It was hard. Well, this isn't a private school, but in the app, here's the app. Click it open. Go to tuck shop orders online. Get out.

This is outrageous. Let's order her lunch today. Order pickup. So this has got a whole lot Let's order her lunch today. Order pickup. So this has got a whole lot of schools on it. I select her school. Oh, so it's outsourced. All right. Now, what would you like to order?

Morning tea or lunch? Let's go water. Because these are options. Let's go straight to lunch. I'll go lunch. I'm going to go butter chicken with cheese and garlic naan. Done. $8.50.

Pass off. What? Pass off. That is a good price for a butter chicken I think we go there for lunch Can we? Are we allowed to just go

over We'll buy the uniforms We'll buy the uniforms We dress up as little girls Now I can't see a problem with a man who's just turned 43 No problem

And you just wear a mask With a beard You wear a mask You claim you're immunocompromised This sounds like the start of a hilarious Hollywood movie where adults play children just to get cheap school lunches. Because we are the adults dealing with the cost of living crisis.

It's 100% an episode of Always Sunday in Philadelphia, right? Beyond a shadow of a doubt. What else is on there? Let me read you what lunch options this has. Long gone are the days of a steaming hot lasagna topper and a cream bun. Yeah, I'm feeling something Asian-based. Juicy? Can you get juicies?

You can get juicies. Okay, thank God. Sushi. What sushi? First up, sushi. Next, katsu chicken and rice. Yum. I'm sorry, what?

You can be at school and have katsu chicken and rice? Well, and maybe katsu's not to your flavor. You'd prefer teriyaki chicken and rice. Yeah, I'd go with that. Butter chicken, chilli con carne. Wait, are these all $8.50? No, they're cheaper. The sushi was $6.50.

Because if you're at a restaurant getting this, you're paying at least like 20-something, eh? Chicken burger, $6.50. What? Double beef burger, $6.50. Pizza, $4.50. Nachos, $8.00. Nachos?

Now we're in Mexico? I'm sorry, what? You're at school, like eating your lunch in the playground with nachos. That's outrageous. I guess they come in a little container. This is crazy. This is crazy. They call it a sub roll, but that's a po' boy to me. That's a po' boy sandwich and a small steamed bun.

How much are cocktails? Oh my God, yeah. Everything's $8.00. Oh my God, a po' boy and a pina colada. That was just the main meals. If I click on featured products, they've got wucha tea. Oh, my God. Wucha tea, juices, and you can get some fruit and stuff.

What about breakfast? No one's getting fruit on this app. Breakfast, Peter. Bacon and egg muffin, hash bites, hash brown or an up and go. You can get Peters. You can get Peters. That's $7, $8. Chicken and bacon pita.

This is outrageous. You can get snacks. This is absolutely outrageous. What about cheesy garlic pita, chicken bites, hash bites, a pretzel. You can get them at my friend Raleigh's Garlic Bread. Oh, yum, yum. And under sweet treats, do you want a muffin, a waffle, a cookie, a mini donut, a brownie, a slice, an ice

cream or a juice? They should do this for workplaces because I feel like they'd undercut so many places. Oh my god, yeah. If this building had it, you'd be like, hell yeah, I'll pick it up at 10. An $8.50 curry for lunch, yes. Yum. And all we need to do is buy a school

girls uniform and dress up as them. Again, I don't think that's going to work, Vaughn. Just to save $8. I'll just go in. I'll just go in. And get a whole order. I'll get the whole thing. I'll be like, I'm a big girl.

I'm bigger than the normal-sized teenage girl. And that's why I need three lunches. That's why I need three large lunches. Why do people act very, very nice to you just before you are ghosted? Now this has to... Is it because they wanted to sleep with you? No, no, no, not that, no. Nah, that's not the main reason why.

But this article has one of my favourite analogies ever. Okay. Why do men, in particular, act so nice right before they ghost you? A quote someone said it's like when people take their dog to the beach before having it put down. That's so flawless. You let it eat a burger. That's it.

So they've already got what they wanted. They've got what they wanted, but they also, they're feeling so guilty about the pain they might cause that intuitively they counterbalance it by kind of love dumping you. By doing all these immensely nice things.

It's not. It's not. It's playing with you. It's not a nice guy. This is going so well. It's one big tin of jelly meat before you take them to the vet for the injection. So, I mean, ghosting maybe is slightly different

to a breakup, right? Where they're like super nice to you and then they're like, hey, I don't want to be with you. Ghosting meaning like you're going super well

with someone, maybe you've been dating them casually for a bit. It's casual and then they die. Yeah. And turn into a ghost. Someone said,

dudes, I love, you'll see this on TikTok a lot, dudes before they ghost you. Have you seen that? It's like, hey, what are you doing tomorrow?

Let's go to Italy. Oh, my God, I love you. I can't wait to meet your mom. Oh, I've seen a guy acting it out. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, my Nona will love you. Point of view, I'm about to ghost you, and it's the guy doing it. Yeah.

Yeah, it's so funny. And that's the thing. It's literally just like an intuitive reaction to like preparing them for pain, being like, oh, I'm not feeling it with this chick. And rather than being man enough to say, like, I'm not feeling it with this chick. And rather than being man enough to say, hey, I'm not feeling it. Is that your third? Yes!

Wow. That was quite shrill. I'd say shrill. Yes! Wow. Yes! I would much prefer, and I would respect a man, even if we were dating.

Did you just scoff at me? I'd just rather take you to the beach than have that toe. Get you that big hamburger. Hang your head out the window on the way home. Oh, the old girl is so heavy. Throw the ball at the beach. Yeah, a couple of balls. Oh, she can only get the ball twice now.

Limps a lot. Oh, my gosh. She's gone in the back end. Grow up and express your feelings and your thoughts and tell me. I mean, this hasn't happened to me

for years, but I would definitely respect a man that said to me, hey, I know we've been having a lot of fun, but I'm just not feeling it.

But then you've got to watch them cry. Not if you text. I'm not. That's nice actually. Is that a good idea? Just send me a text. Yeah,

just send me a text. I'm still going to think you're a dirtbag. It doesn't matter, but less so than if you're a ghost of me. Yeah, but wouldn't you have send me a text. Yeah, just send me a text. I'm still going to think you're a dirtbag. It doesn't matter, but less so than if you're a ghost of me. Yeah, but wouldn't you have rather appreciated

a nice day at the beach? Oh, I'd love a day at the beach actually. Shivers, guys. 10 out of 10 podcast. That one? Yeah. I think two of us

were 10 out of 10 and one of us wasn't. Well, who was that? Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast,

give us a rating and review. Please do. Unless it's a bad one. Oh yeah, no, don't. Don't bother a bad one. Oh, yeah. Don't bother. Yeah, no, don't. Don't bother. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.