ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 6th September 2023
Episode Date: September 5, 2023Silly Little Poll! Top 6: Animal Attacks What do Men want instead of Flowers? Petty at Work Hayleys Netflix Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy i...nformation.
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The ZM Podcast Network.
The Fletchforn and Hayley Big Pod.
Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards.
Good morning, welcome to the show Fletchforn and Hayley.
It's two minutes past six.
Whee!
Oh, no.
Whee!
There we go, microphone's on now.
Well, Hayley is in Invercargill today.
She's on the Seven Days Live tour across the country.
A bit glitchy, but a few technical
issues. Well, Invercargill just got the
internet and they're ironing out
a few crinkles. They are going to
love the World Wide Web though.
They're going to love it. So we'll hopefully have
Hayley joining us soon on the show. We've just got to get
Steve off because Steve's on
and it's making it hard for us to get a good clear
connection to Hayley. So once Steve's off.
I think Steve's playing on himself.
Fucking past aspersions on Invercargill Steve.
Eating breakfast and reading the news.
Southland Steve, that's what he's telling his missus.
But why is he doing it with the door shut?
That's a good question.
That's what I want to know.
Wednesday today.
So today, tomorrow and Friday, the last three days for you to win Taylor Swift tickets.
Make sure you're listening at 8, 12 and 4 for the three Taylor Swift songs.
Be the first caller through when that happens.
And you win a double pass to see her live at one of her sold out Sydney shows.
Plus everybody that wins tickets goes in the draw.
Thanks to Air New Zealand's Grave Seat for flights.
The top six on the way.
Well, you may or may not have heard the news
that someone whose last name is Honeycomb
was attacked by bees.
Now, Mrs. Honeycomb survived,
but this is very funny.
It's very ironic.
I don't care who you are.
That has got to put a little smile on your face.
Yeah.
So I have the top six other people
that were attacked by animals
that was very ironic due to their names.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
I've got some time.
I'll come up with a slightly more articulate way of saying that.
That was very long.
Yeah.
Drawn out.
Next on the show, British expats.
So the Brits that have moved to New Zealand.
My dad was one of these.
He was.
Yeah, back in the day.
He loved a whinge.
Oh, don't all poms love a whinge?
Poms love a whinge. I mean, also we love a whinge. Oh, don't all poms love a whinge? Poms love a whinge.
And then also we love a whinge too.
It was because of our pommy heritage.
Yeah, Kiwis love a whinge as well.
But British expats have kind of given some feedback about us Kiwis,
about living here.
And I'll tell you what, it's not great.
It's not great news.
Yeah, stuff them.
Stuff them. P's not great news. Yeah, stuff them. Stuff them.
Piss off, home.
Play.
ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.
British expats have revealed struggles with living in New Zealand.
This is a story that I brought to us by News Hub.
What's the difference between an immigrant and an expat?
Is it the colour of your skin, eh?
Basically.
I don't understand.
Like if you're white,
people call you an expat,
but if you're not,
they're like,
oh, the immigrants.
Like, do you know what I mean?
That's all that it feels
to the difference.
Or do expats not stay
for as long?
Yeah, I feel like expats
are sort of just hanging around
for a bit.
Oh, by the way,
Hayley's back.
Hi, guys.
Well, we've sorted
our technical difficulties. Great, another woman. Shout out to the way, Hayley's back. Hi, guys. Well, we've sorted our technical difficulties.
Great, another woman.
Shout out to the
Ascot Park
Invercargill
reception area
and producer,
We're going to tell people
where you are.
You'll have people
come and asking
for Taylor Swift tickets.
Oh, my God.
Everyone,
no matter where I go,
hey, what's the secret?
Listen to 8 and 12
and 4 and say the songs.
3.40, you're running
into a lot of
1940s seedy gags
this time of year. Yes, she is. I'm interested in the songs. 3.40, you're running into a lot of 1940s seedy gangsters, I would say.
I'm interested in the Swift chicky.
Right, Bron, tell me what the secret is for the tickets.
But my parents, right, back on topic, please.
I'm all about the professionalism here.
My parents who live in Italy for half the year,
they call themselves expats because they haven't left New Zealand.
So as an immigrant immigrant if you move there
is it that you move with no intention of coming back a person who lives outside their native
country is an expat okay immigrant so right i think it's maybe it's because we've dealt with
so much like poison in the tongue of the word immigrant yes you know and we're about to yeah
because of election but yeah a person who comes to live permanently in a foreign country
is immigrant, expat, maybe not got the permanent attachment.
Right, well, a British expat living in New Zealand
has caused a stir, sharing how difficult they find
cultural differences between New Zealanders and Brits,
admitting that they've struggled fulfilling relationships
since arriving four years ago.
So this person's based in Wellington
and they shared anonymously on the Facebook community
Brits in New Zealand.
Right.
And a lot of comments quickly attracted on this post.
People agreeing, saying that New Zealanders
lack an interest in forming deeper connections,
adding that they feel like...
I'll tell you why.
They sound high maintenance.
I don't want anything to do with them.
And people also saying that they miss the UK banter.
We've got bad banter.
No, we don't.
We've got great banter.
Listen to this.
We've got better banter.
Our whole show is banter.
But I guess you don't want to banter with a stranger
if you don't know them.
You're just like, ah.
Is that it?
Maybe.
Maybe we closed off
yeah
also when we go to the UK
all we do is hang out
with New Zealanders
so no we've got no banter
with Brits
no
South African living in the cupboard
and a couple Aussies
hanging around
maybe we just stick
to our hemispheres
you know
maybe that's our
yeah
I think we've got
better banter
but you're very closed
you wouldn't you don't like making new friends do think we've got better banter. Well, no, but you're very closed. You don't like making new friends, do you?
Oh, my God.
We've got enough.
You're a shut book.
God, I've been thumbing my way in there for years.
Charlie wants to go out for dinner this weekend.
I'm just like, why would we go out for dinner?
There's food here.
And the Warriors are on.
Right, okay.
And you've got to get up the wars, of course.
But the British are known for their great humour.
I mean, British comedy is fantastic.
Yeah, but that's the cream of the crop, not these scumbags that can't make it at home,
so they come and try here.
Yeah, right.
God, I'm really going in on that.
You're really going in.
I don't take it well when someone slags off our fine little country.
Yeah, but maybe they've got a point, you know.
Why don't you go home then?
I am home.
Wow. Just saying maybe we need to then? I am home. Wow.
We're just saying maybe we need to be a bit more open-minded.
A bit more, you know, make some new friends.
To the plainest, whitest people around.
There's no problem open-mindedness to the Brits.
We to everybody.
No, but to everybody, yeah.
I reckon this is just a British problem
this has got big
British whinge
written all over it
Okay look
Talk to people
who face real discrimination
when they come here
is what I'm saying
Yeah
You know
The British wander in here
they could
until they open their mouths
and you see their teeth
I mean but in saying that
our dental hygiene
is pretty shocking at the moment
Have you seen these stats?
It's terrible
Oh my god yeah
I know we just stopped
brushing our teeth during the pandemic.
We just stopped.
Yeah, that's not what they're there for, guys.
You've got to brush them twice a day.
Okay, well, anyway.
This just feels like a British whinge to me, to be completely honest.
Okay.
Next on the show, Silly Little Pole.
How do you store your mugs in the pantry?
Are we doing glasses?
I think mugs and glasses.
I think if you store your mugs a certain way, you store your glasses the same way.
No.
Mouth up, mouth down.
Not true.
Up or down.
Ass up, ass down.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Silly little poe.
Silly little poe.
It is so silly, silly, silly.
That silly little poe.
Silly little poe. Silly little poe. Silly little poe. Well, this one's not so silly.
It's how you store your mugs and glasses in the pantry.
Quite serious, this one.
Yes.
Facing up, meaning mouth open to the sky,
meaning dust can fall in.
Facing down, meaning mouth open to the sky, meaning dust can fall in. Facing down, meaning mouth open to the down.
Yeah.
It's on the dirty shelf.
So what do you do?
Clean your shelf, bro.
Clean your shelf, yeah.
It's got a little dusty shelf.
I'm up.
Why is your shelf so dusty?
You're up.
My glasses are up.
My mugs are up.
Yeah, I'm up.
Up tells me you put them in the cupboard when they're not 100% dry.
No, they're always dry. I'll put the
dishwasher on the night before, do it the next morning.
I use rinse aid. Yeah.
Helps dry them out.
Because I used to be glasses up,
mugs down for some reason. God knows
why. But now I've just changed to mugs
up because I guess I'm just careless and free like that.
I'd like a mug tree
for the bench. A mug tree?
Oh, I love a mug tree. Do you remember mug trees?
Big in the 80s and 90s, they had mug
trees. And they were always like those
rare, they always looked like handmade
mugs. My nan had some.
Oh, they were nice and she'd make you a Milo on one.
That was those with the Milo mugs. I don't like
a handmade mug. I like them to be
perfectly round. These weren't handmade by some
shitty kid. Oh, right. These were handmade handmade by some shitty kid. Oh, right.
These were handmade by, like, a
potter. Okay, right.
Yesterday at the theatre
in Invercargill, we had
those glass, the brown
glass mugs. Pyrex? No, not
Pyrex. No, what are they called?
They've got a name. Pertik.
Um, um, um, um, um, um, um.
They're always, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're always there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tradies love them.
Classic Kiwi mugs.
Those are.
We were drinking wine out of it because that was all that was available.
Oh, beauty.
Arcaroc.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Arcaroc.
Those ones.
Yeah, they were big in the 90s.
Oh, they were a place.
Oh, yeah.
Invercargill just got those.
And they are stoned.
Those were hung on a hook.
Yes.
Of course they were. Good Yes, of course they were.
Of course they were.
Well, how did the people respond?
Well, the people said
facing up 56%,
facing down 44%.
So mouths open to the sky.
Only joust size.
Real 50-50 almost.
Yeah.
Danny says,
face down means you stop
any dust getting into the cup.
That's your theory?
Yeah.
As long as your shelf's not dusty like Vaughn's is.
No, I don't have a dusty...
The dust is more likely to settle than you.
Also, I don't care because I rinse a mug every time.
Oh my God, I don't.
Even if it's been hanging there for a year.
You waste so much water.
Hot water at work.
I put the spoon in the cup under the zip
and give it a good 20 seconds before I use it.
Have you seen the people who work around here?
Tony Street might have been lipping that thing.
Yeah, Tony Street might have been using that.
You don't want to catch what she's got.
She's immune to it all.
Is she?
Yeah, she's bloody super.
Superwoman.
She's had it all.
Sam says,
because of the inside of that cup is even slightly damp,
you absolutely do not want that thing face down in the cabinet
creating a seal against the wood.
Two reasons.
Sam's finished, but I'll say two reasons.
Yeah.
It's disrespecting the wood.
You're going to get a ring.
Always respect the wood.
You're going to get a ring, and then you're going to get, yeah,
the mould growing in the inside there.
Yeah.
Rebecca said, makes me feel fancy to have them upside down,
plus no grubby mitts on the mouth bit.
Yep.
Fair enough.
Who's holding a cup by the lip to put it in the cupboard, though?
Always by the handle.
Always by the handle.
Some people...
Grab them out of the dishwasher,
you go three in the finger,
and then you just go,
whoop, bang, up on the shelf.
That's what I do.
A lot of fancy mugs don't have handles now.
What?
I won't drink out of a mug with that in it.
Yeah, I know.
It's bizarre. I I won't drink out of a mug with that in mind. Yeah, I know. It's bizarre.
I simply won't.
Neither.
Oh, Zenobia, friend of the show.
Oh, yeah.
What does she do?
Congratulations on the Cubs.
Her baseball team, the Cubs, had a win yesterday.
Oh, kia ora.
Neither.
I have a mug tree that sits in the coffee bar.
She's got a mug tree.
She's got a mug tree.
Oh, she's got a mug tree.
She's got a mug tree.
I want a mug tree.
I want a mug tree.
She's got a mug tree.
We need to see a photo of that mug tree. A lot of dust, though, in the kitchen got a mug tree. She's got a mug tree. I want a mug tree. I want a mug tree. She's got a mug tree. We need an innocent photo of that mug tree.
A lot of dust, though, in the kitchen and the mug tree.
Yeah.
At least the cupboards are always shut.
Yeah, I guess so.
There's just bloody dust everywhere.
God, what a dusty country.
Nisha says, I have to put my lips on the rim,
so I don't want that touching the cupboard.
Yeah.
I know I don't clean it enough for it to be that hygienic.
Yep.
Good call.
If you know yourself.
Kirsty said,
I,
you have to put it,
have to have it up for sure.
You only face down to avoid dust getting in there.
But it's a,
if it's a cupboard with a door that may prevent dust,
if you have it down,
think about all the yuck germs you're putting on your lips in the glass.
Yeah.
I think she's overthinking it.
A bit of a worry wart.
Just don't have
a cup of tea. It's too much worry.
Yeah, it's stress.
It's supposed to be a relaxing time.
And Kirsty says, why on earth do I want to put
my lips on a dusty rim?
But it's dusty either way. That's
the theory that people can't understand.
The dust down or it's settling. The dust will settle on the rim when it's facing up. So I mean, you're damned if you do it and's the theory that people don't understand. Yeah, see, the dust down or it's settling.
Yeah.
The dust will settle on the room when it's facing up.
So, I mean, you're damned if you do it and you're damned if you don't.
I don't know if I've even ever cleaned my cup cupboard
maybe once or twice since I've lived there.
Wow.
Wow.
I don't know.
I just never have.
Which one's your cup cupboard?
Okay, I'm in your kitchen.
In the corner, in the right-hand corner.
Up the top?
Yeah.
By the fridge?
I don't know.
It's just always pretty clean.
That thing needs to clean.
Does it?
Okay.
Give him a spray wipe this weekend.
Of course you're manky.
We know the saying that opposites attract.
You're like, I don't know why, but I really like this man.
Is this the only accent I know how to do anymore? It seems like you have slipped into the southern bell.
Yeah, thank you. But some new research.
Well, it's not new research. This is actually, they've used
203 previous studies that date back
all the way to 1903. And they've combined them all into one big
cohesive piece of research about the theory that opposites attract, opposites in personality,
lifestyle, blah, blah, blah, everything.
And they found that it's a crock of BS, essentially.
Millions of couples that they studied.
Yeah.
And what they found was that basically a lot of the times,
excuse me, people who are in successful relationships
have very similar traits,
such as their political points of view,
their religious attitudes,
their level of education, intelligence.
All of it's like pretty similar in successful couples.
Yeah, I think the opposites attract was just a way of...
Justifying sleeping with that douchebag?
Yeah, or like the bad boy thing, right? Like you're like, oh, opposites attract was just a way of... Justifying sleeping with that douchebag? Yeah, or like the bad boy thing, right?
You're like, oh, opposites attract because I'm going for this real bad boy,
but it never lasts.
No, totally, because it's unsustainable.
Because sometimes you're in prison, too, and you've got to wait.
And then you can't wait that long.
How is Snake?
What is it?
How is Snake?
Absence.
Absence makes it better.
It's given up on Snake. Yeah, given up on up on Snake Oh, not Snake I thought you guys had something
The fact that you were opposites
Because we're so opposite
You're a good boy
And Snake's such a bad person
Yeah
So they also found that
Substance use was usually pretty similar
So if you're a smoker
You tend to be with smokers
If you're a heavy drinker You'll be a a heavy drinker or a teetotaler.
Same thing.
Which kind of makes sense because you're trying to create a good lifestyle together.
It'd be hard if you were sober and someone was a raging alcoholic.
Thank God Aaron loves to drink.
That's all I'll say.
And then even deeper than that, they found links between weight, height and medical conditions.
Really?
Yeah.
Is that because you're both drinking yourself to death that you've both got liver failure?
Probably, or eating yourself to death.
Yeah.
Or maybe like if medical conditions, you'd think like maybe some empathy, you know, if you had a condition that you were living with, like a chronic illness or something.
Oh, I thought you meant because you both live next to the old nuclear power plant
or the former chemicals factory that you're medical.
Both got a sixth toe on your left foot.
So you said height and weight as well.
Yeah.
So tallies with tallies, shorties with shorties.
Yeah, and that's the way it should be by the way as a tall woman.
Yeah.
Nothing drives me mad like a short woman with a tall man.
Yeah.
You've got so many more options.
Nobody would have been with a shorter man.
Yeah.
You're just saying they're stealing all the tall men for you.
They are.
Okay, right.
But what about fatty and skinny?
Yeah.
Fatty and skinny, having a bath, Fatty to fart, Skinny to laugh.
There's all these beautiful poems about how successful their relationship was.
Are they the outliers, though, according to the study?
Yeah, totally.
Or probably their similarities are stronger than that fact that they're different sizes.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Because I always find it interesting.
I have a couple of friends who have religious partners,
but they're not religious at all.
I don't know how that works.
That's like political stuff, really.
Yeah, and you're like, oh, interesting,
like how you can totally see the world in a different way like that.
They must be hot and really good in bed.
Must be.
It's the only explanation. It's the only explanation.
It's the only explanation, right?
Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey.
Play ZM.
From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six.
Yes, hello there.
To the Channel Islands we go.
I've got a friend that lives in one of the Channel Islands.
He lives in Guernsey, and this happened in Jersey,
and I've got a little bit of a rivalry.
But the amount of stories we get out of this part of the world
with their low population blows my mind.
Yeah, not many people live there.
It's like the Florida of the UK.
Maybe you go a bit crazy being...
Small islands.
Yeah, on a small island.
Now, I said before this was a human that was stung by bees,
but the paragraph says a horsewoman. So I'm imagining it this was a human that was stung by bees, but the paragraph says
a horsewoman.
So I'm imagining
it's a half horse,
half woman.
I wonder which half
is the horse.
A horsewoman.
She's into horses.
Oh.
Like a centaur.
I thought centaur, yeah.
No.
I hoped it was the top half
that was human
because it'd be really weird
to see a horse upper half
trotting around
on a human lower half.
Yeah.
That's funnier to me.
Too top heavy.
Bojack Horseman. Very baby. Bojack Horseman.
Very done.
Bojack Horseman energy.
A horsewoman named Mrs. Honeycomb is admitted to hospital in the Channel Islands after being
stung more than 60 times by a swarm of bees.
Carolyn Honeycomb, her sister...
Sorry.
Her sister Jo and Jo's eight-year-old daughter were horse riding.
Now, the other horse is bolted, but Mrs. Honeycomb's horse, Blue,
stood still and got stung 60, 80 times
and needed urgent medical attention as well.
My goodness.
That's pretty scary, but all's well.
That ends well.
They're all well.
They're all happy.
That ends well.
Ends swell.
They did.
No, ends...
All's well that ends well.
The swelling's done.
All's well with the swell wells.
The swell subsides.
But, I mean, people picking up on the name here, it's very funny.
I mean, this is the reason it made international news.
Yeah, Mrs. Honeycomb stung by bees.
Top six other people attacked by bees that were asking for it.
Number six on the list.
Did you guys hear about Mr. Picnic?
No.
He got carried away by ants.
Oh no.
We had to carry him too.
Also I just thought
yeah we...
They picked him up. A tie wearing
fedora wearing vine swinging
grizzly bear as well. Right.
Hey hey hey little Picnic.
We're gonna have a Picnic basket.
Number five on the list of the top six people who were attacked by animals that were asking for it.
Did you hear about Bea's grandmother was eaten by a monkey?
Sorry, not Bea's grandmother.
Bea Nana?
Bea's Nana?
Bea's Nana?
No, that was loose.
She was eaten by a monkey.
Shoot.
How did you get there? Yeah. Bea's Nana. No, that was loose. She was eaten by a monkey. Shoot. She was a grandmother.
Yeah.
Bees, Nana.
No.
Bee-Nana.
Bee-Nana.
Got eaten by a monkey.
Number four on the list of the top six.
I hope they get better.
They don't.
Top six other people that got attacked by animals that were asking for it.
Did you hear about that old Jewish dude named Sal that got eaten by a grizzly bear?
Last name Mon.
Sal Mon got eaten by a grizzly bear.
Sal Mon.
Hey.
I'm still trying to.
That went a little Italian.
That went more Italian than Jewish.
Number three on the list of the top six other people
attacked by animals that were asking for it.
Did you hear about Mr. Rackers?
No.
First name Colin?
Colin Rackers.
Colin Rackers.
You may have seen him referred to in the paper as C. Rackers.
Carackers was eaten by a parrot.
I thought this was a sitter.
You've gone real left field with these names.
See, Rackers.
It's Crackers.
That's what his nickname was.
Craig Rackers.
Okay.
Crackers.
Yep.
That's how it goes here.
Number two on the list of the top six other people attacked by animals that were asking for it.
Mrs. Carrot.
Okay, what happened to her?
She got nibbled by bunnies.
Okay.
Didn't even try off that one, did you, Mrs. Carrot?
That's just Mrs. Carrot.
That was the,
I think that was the second one I wrote.
I think the order I wrote them in went six, two,
Mr. Picnic carried by ants,
Mrs. Carrot nibbled by bunnies.
Then I went five bee nanas, bees nana. Then I worked my way through four, two, Mr. Picnic, Carrie by ants, Mrs. Carrot nibbled by bunnies. Then I went five, Bee Nanas, Bee's Nana.
Then I worked my way through four, three, and this is number one on the list.
The top six other people attacked by animals that were asking for it.
A squirrel nibbled Mr. P's nuts.
I mean, his name was Mr. P
Yeah
He should have been
Watching those nuts
Yeah
Because they're peanuts
Yeah
It was a squirrel
Look I mean
The worst part was
The squirrel shoved
One in one cheek
And one in the other cheek
Yeah
It's hard to believe
That I'm the comedian
On tour at the moment
We've got these
I know
Barrel laughs coming
Well they didn't ask
They didn't ask
I would have happily
I'm surprised
I'm really surprised They didn't I would have happily... I'm surprised. I'm really surprised.
I would have happily been
bowed up in a motel
in Invercargill Hotel
and these sorts of
crackers!
RIP to Bees Nana
who got eaten by a monkey.
Bees Nana.
Bees Nana.
The worst one yet.
This is today's top six Now
A lot of trends on TikTok right
A lot of fashion trends
A lot of makeup trends
But this one's had 170 million views
In the last week
Okay
That means it's popping off
Now I don't know much about TikTok
But for me that means it's popping off
This is called the unapproachable makeup trend.
Now, for me, when I've always done makeup, I've always tried,
I was about to say I've got biggish eyes,
but then I started getting up at four and they've shrunk.
They're sort of like little tiny little.
Kind of, yeah, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
P-holes in the snow, as my mum used to call them.
Yep.
But mine was always about creating open eyes, like big lashes,
like trying to make the eyes look as big as possible, right?
And lovely little rosy cheeks.
She's looking cute.
This is the opposite.
So I'm going to have to change my makeup trend.
This is all about creating hard, harsh lines on the eyes
so that they're more glary,
so that you create a line so that your eye is more like stink eye at all times.
Really? Okay.
Yes.
So you do like a wing up the side to make your eyes sort of like wider this way
as opposed to like open, make them sort of wider like they're sneering at you
and then using quite harsh contouring to create chiseled like jaw lines
so that basically you just look really aggressive
and kind of constantly pissed off.
What animal is this based off?
Because, you know, all makeup kind of represents an animal, right? Probably a cat.
Like the cat eye.
An angry cat. And you know how
cats always look at you with such a stink face?
Like, excuse me. Yeah.
That's the thing. And it's supposed to be
an approach that's supposed to be intimidating.
Too intimidating to approach. Like a bitchy
resting face. Bitchy resting face.
So if you're at a bar, people just won't bother coming up to you
and going, hey, can I buy you a rum a bar people just won't bother coming up to you and going Hey, can I
buy you a rum and coke?
I want them to come and buy me
a rum and coke too. Can I have a rum and coke?
Hey, don't worry about her
man. Don't worry about her.
She looks like a real cat. Why don't you come
and buy us a couple of rum and cokes? We're a couple of hot
boys. As men fetch the bar
swooping in on your...
So you've got big open
faces. Yeah, big friendly faces.
Whereas I'm all about creating these
harsh lines so that no one approaches
me. I wonder if the girlies, girlies
do you
go for the hard lines, the
smize look or are you more of a
open girlie?
I'm definitely a bit more of the softer
look but I do see the appeal of this.
It's almost like a litmus test for
men of how much of a jerk
they are. Yeah. Because
a lot of men will be like, I only like a woman
who's natural. Whereas like, come on, we can
look past that. I'm just having fun. I'm not
putting blue on my eyes because of you. It's because
I want to look fun and I want to feel good
about myself. So I do think
there's kind of a value in this.
So this is like one of the other parts of his dramatic colour contrast,
striking dark-hued combos and graphic lines,
just creating a really harsh, hard, heavy look,
which is, yeah, not that like,
I'm blushing because you're so beautiful.
Just like, I don't care about you.
Don't talk to me. Leave me alone. I'll because you're so beautiful. Just like, I don't care about you. Don't talk to me.
Leave me alone.
I'll have your rum and coke.
No, you can't.
No, Bourne and I already got the rum and cokes.
We've got the rum and cokes.
Give me a sip of the rum and cokes.
No, sorry.
No, but we can buy our own rum and cokes.
You know what I mean?
Why not?
I can't.
I can't at the moment.
They're $14 at this bar.
I mean, this is ridiculous.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
A transatlantic flight left Atlanta in the United States of America.
Why are you whispering?
Heading to Barcelona.
I'm trying, this is my also, I'm just putting together a tape
to narrate air crash investigation.
Wow.
They've got a more.
A more dramatic.
More alert.
I've seen a lot of episodes of air crash investigation.
It's very American and dramatic.
It's very dramatic. It's a British guy. So there's a couple of different voices, Crash Investigation. It's very American and dramatic. Very dramatic.
It's a British guy, actually.
Well, there's a couple of different voices,
but mostly a British guy that does it.
Delta Airlines flight 194 was two hours into its eight-hour journey
to Barcelona.
Barcelona.
Barcelona.
Barcelona.
From Atlanta when it had to turn around.
Yep.
Oh, yeah, hold on.
Hold on, I don't know how to do that.
Don't you hate it? Just shut down Zoom. Okay, I'm going to shut down Zoom,. Yep. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Hold on. I don't know how to do that. Don't you hate it?
Just shut down Zoom.
Okay, I'm going to shut down Zoom, Hayley.
Bye, babe.
You don't need to be on Zoom.
Vaughan's going to play us some audio.
I'm going to play you some audio,
but when Fletch turned up my audio channel,
it was giving us the audio from the chat we're having with Hayley.
A little behind the scenes here.
Yeah, that's how that works.
Now I can't find it because I had to shut down Zoom.
Okay.
Here is an eight-second audio clip
of the pilot talking to ground control
about why I had to turn around
two hours into its flight
and return to Atlanta.
Negative.
It's just a biohazard issue.
You know, we've had a passenger
who had diarrhea all the way
through the airplane,
so they wanted to come back to Atlanta.
All the way through the airplane.
I'm imagining they're sitting somewhere in the middle of the plane
and they're like, I'm going to shit myself.
I'm running.
I'm getting up and on their way to the toilet,
they just shit themselves all the way up the aisle.
I'm upset by this.
I mean, the thing is, it's not their fault, is it?
It is what it is.
A medical emergency.
But it's not like you're leaving Bali with barley belly.
You're leaving Atlanta on the way to Barcelona.
Yeah, what have you eaten?
So you know you're sick before you get on that plane.
I guess you've just got it.
They might have had a grumbling and a slight upset,
but this may have been the first eruption of Old Faithful.
Yeah.
Which will be going off every 10 minutes for the next four days.
I'm imagining that person.
Just reading this as the plane was tilted,
the poo was running down the aisle.
Oh, my God.
So the maths on it, they were two hours into a flight.
Yep.
They turned around and went back.
So that's now four hours of flying.
Yep.
So you're four hours late.
Then the clean-up happened, question mark,
but they said it was a large crew running the clean-up.
Then they took back to the air and arrived in Barcelona
eight hours later than they should have.
So does that mean...
Not on the same plane.
Yeah, dude, same plane.
Burn the plane, burn the plane.
Yeah, you've got to burn the plane to the ground.
Yeah, we're never getting on that plane again.
Does that mean they cleaned for four hours or two hours?
Because if they cleaned for two hours and then got back in the air,
what are they using?
They would have to make up that next two hours for it to be eight hours.
Like a rug doctor?
Go to the supermarket and get the rug doctor?
Rug doctor is steaming mad at shit.
That is grim.
Yeah.
I mean,
you've probably got time
for a re-carpet there.
I'd go for a quick.
Yeah,
you've got a re-carpet.
Pull up the carpet,
give it a big re-carpet.
Oh,
that is,
just imagine being that person.
I'm assuming they weren't
on the flight
when it took off again.
I don't know.
You just go home,
mate.
You just go home.
Fool me once.
Yeah.
Shame on me.
Fool me twice.
Shame on everybody because that could happen again.
We know someone, a name that did this on a plane.
They shit themselves.
Overseas.
I think they were in Southeast Asia.
They were on their way back.
On their way back.
And that was at the start of the journey back.
And they couldn't get out, could they?
No.
No.
The boobies.
And their pants.
And they ditched their pants.
I'd just open the door.
I'd open the door and I'd jump out.
At the bottom of the story, they recount other times that there's been an issue on planes.
So I remember, was there a flooding once on a plane?
A toilet clogged up and it ran all the way down the aisle?
Do you remember that one?
That's not covered.
In 2018, a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Hong Kong had to divert to Alaska
after a passenger smeared feces
into the lavatories and then tried to flush his own shirt in the toilet.
He might have had a couple of zloppies and a couple of drinks, I think.
Also in 2018, one Delta passenger found his seat covered in poo
from a previous flight, which apparently had involved
an ill emotional support animal.
So there was animal dookie all over the seat.
And then in 2021, a man in the UK was out in his back garden
enjoying a summer's day when waste from a passing plane was dropped on him.
Yeah, but they always deny that, don't they?
Because they say they can't do that, the planes.
Now, Jared's middie has messaged in, used to be a flight attendant.
Kid shat himself in his seat and his parents weren't around so he just took
his pants off and tried to clean himself in the aisle
and got shit everywhere.
Where were the parents?
They were probably watching a movie.
The rule is if your kid's that young, one of you
has got to stay with the kid.
But you could be watching a movie.
Could be having a little nookie.
You're still going to be able to see him, aren't you?
Dave, don't do that Dave
Oh well I tried
Grim
This came across my desk this morning
A bit of a question
Online
What is the equivalent of flowers
For men
And I don't mean to
Narrow it down because I remember once I bought't mean to sort of narrow it down
because I remember once I bought Aaron flowers
and he really liked it.
He was like, that's so fun.
Yeah.
But in general, right,
you get a woman some flowers
and that makes us pretty happy.
And it does, I totally agree.
That's a good question.
You'll quite often get your wife flowers,
won't you?
Every now and again?
Oh, not for a while.
Yeah, it's been a while.
Because she kept saying, well, he's free from work. Well, it's been a while. Is it because she kept saying,
well, he's free from work?
Well, it's because we've got flowers outside of her.
She's that kind of, she can go outside and look.
Oh, my God.
There's some that grow on trees.
We've got daffodils at the moment.
If she was that kind on a bunch of flowers,
she could go out and pick her own
or just go out and look at them where they are.
It's not the point, is it?
Oh, my God, it's not the point.
Oh, my God.
It's going to die in two days.
It's not the point, Aaron.
I bought her in a bouquet of broccoli.
That's what I would say.
That's what I would say.
Don't buy me flowers.
They're going to die in three days.
A bouquet of broccoli you can eat, and so you can't eat flowers.
Oh, my God.
Screw dating either of you, to be fair.
I used to bring home flowers, and all she'd ever say was, like,
were these free from work?
Were they?
Well, because a lot of the times they were.
Of course they were.
Definitely.
Otherwise I wouldn't have them.
Has she ever brought you just something randomly
from time to time?
No, I don't think so. Because flowers is
classic. Like, flowers are classic.
We've been together for nearly 20 years.
And she's never to surprise you with the male
equivalent of flowers. It's our sexiversary soon.
You would think she'd have something lined up.
You would. You've got a
sexiversary the first time.
Yeah.
Well, good for you.
Will you guys remember yours?
Your mind lines up with our first date.
Easy to remember one date.
Yeah.
There you go.
It was a good date.
I wasn't enjoying myself.
That's actually the male equivalent of flowers.
We don't need to answer this question.
Just like, just un, un un What do you call it?
What's a better word for
I'm begging for it
And she's saying no
She just does it without asking
She's keen on it
Initiates
Is the word you were looking for
Yeah you
I reckon that's
Ladies if you're listening
That's better than any bunch of flowers
You initiate
Alright Well that's better than any bunch of flowers. You initiate. All right.
Well, that's the answer to our question.
What's the male equivalent of getting flowers?
Jared reckons it's something from the bakery.
We've got to ask more of our woman, Jared.
We can't just...
No, that's a...
I'm with Jared.
Imagine a cinnamon scroll.
Yeah, $4 tops.
Yeah, yum.
If flowers have cost a fortune, Jared's nailed fortune, I think we could ask for more.
Jared's nailed this.
Saucy roll.
It's the thought that counts.
Give me a potato top pie and a can of cola.
Initiate it.
Yep.
So much thought in initiating it.
I reckon I'm putting my money on initiating it.
Well, I'm coming back from Invercargill to Auckland today.
I tell you what, I'm going to turn up with the boobs out and a potato pie.
Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
Play ZM.
You two are bickering a lot this morning, aren't you?
We are.
Got off air.
I've got the Zoom going.
You need to get back in the studio because Vaughan's out of control.
I'm the peacemaker, what I'm figuring out here.
I'm the middleman between you two.
You're like a bloody married couple and brothers and lovers and boyfriends.
It's a hell of a combo.
It's a lot.
I was just being told off because I've given Fletch a little heads up
on what I'm about to tell people.
He always tells me off for the sort of stuff at work.
You're just so petty.
You're so petty.
You've got to keep yourself entertained and happy somehow.
I have been, for the last little
while, replying to
emails I get with
work regarding work
things. If people don't spell my name
right, I reply by saying
sorry who?
Now my name is Vaughan.
V-A-U-G-H-A-N
Deliciously balanced by vowels
Yeah some people
A at the start
A at the end
A lot of people leave out the A
Don't they?
The last A
Some people don't even chuck on the A
Or the N at the end
I've had V-A-U-G-H
In an email recently
And I just reply
Sorry who?
Vaughn
It's in the email
Yeah yeah
You know?
Yeah And I had this recently from a tracy
yeah ey oh yeah and she must get this all the time just going straight cy yeah or ce oh no did
you reply thanks tracy without the last day um just to kind of show her no i said sorry who you No, I said, sorry, who are you after? Tracy? And spelled it right.
Oh, God.
To let her know that she has put zero effort in.
And I just thought from a Tracy or I always,
it always blows my mind when it's from someone who I look at their name and I'm like, you must get misspelled all the time.
Yeah.
Mine does too, actually.
For quite an easy name.
I always get H-A-L-E-Y.
To my email as well.
And you're like, well, there it is.
People struggle less with Sproul
than they do with Hayley. It would be one L or two
L's for Sproul would be the major thing. So I've been
replying and I've just been asked to stop.
Well, it's pity.
It is pity. Just answer the email. What does it matter?
You know it's addressed to you.
No, it's respect.
It's respect.
It's a level of respect I have
after, you know,
28,000 years in the industry.
It's a level of respect I have grown to demand.
Right, okay, that people spell your name.
It's not hard.
It is weird though that when someone outside of the organisation,
because if somebody here at work is emailing you,
they'd just type in VA and then press
and they'd see your name and just click it.
They wouldn't even probably look too much.
But if they go VO, the V-O-R-N.
Yeah, they're not going to find your name.
I actually would like that more because it's got a little bit of personal to it.
Right.
I've thought about this and I think he's going to like this.
If someone outside of the organisation is sending an email, it won't work.
Unless they put the...
It would literally bounce back and then for them to still spell it wrong is wild.
And I actually know that for a fact because when we first started here and we got Vaughan
at ZM Online set up, they said, would you like V-A-U-G-H-N at ZM Online to also come
to the Airbox?
I was like, absolutely not.
Because they don't want me.
They're not after me.
Oh my God.
You're so petty.
You've got to entertain yourself, you know.
You've got to stay happy.
But I was just thinking we could have a sort of a union meeting
of the petty amongst us.
Now, it doesn't need to be about having your name spout right,
although happy to hear from you.
Yeah.
But do you have little petty acts at work?
Yeah.
Oh, like with customers.
Maybe with customers.
Maybe with people who you work with who may be in a position that you're like,
how are they in that position?
I'm just going to make life a little bit more difficult
for them. I used to do this when I worked in the
clothing store because I always
had nice clothing and if they were rude to me, I'd
fold it in a way that meant that I'd have
to iron it when they got home.
Oh, subtle.
I would like fold a sleeve, fold a
sleeve in and then like put a little kink in there.
Now you've got to sort that out.
Oh, I really like that.
I saw a TikTok of someone that works at a drive-thru and their petty act for customers
was if when they pulled up to the drive-thru speaker, they were like, hello, hello, hello.
If they kept saying hello before they were greeted, before the person working at the
drive-thru was ready, they'd make them white.
Oh my God, just sit there silently. No, nothing's more frustrating than pulling up to a drive-thru was ready, they'd make them wait. Oh, my God, just sit there silently.
No, and nothing's more frustrating than pulling up to a drive-thru
and you're just sitting there like, do they know I'm here?
Am I at the right place?
Because I always say, hello.
They know you're there.
They know you're there.
Hello, cheesy pleaser, please.
That's what I always say.
Hello.
I get a cheesy pleaser.
I always give them a very gentle, friendly, inquisitive hello.
It's not like, hello, hello.
Some people are constantly like, hello.
They know you're there.
It goes ding dong.
I don't know.
They do.
I've not worked in a drive-thru.
I'm not familiar with the intricate workings of the ding dong.
This person was petty enough that if someone was rude
or just was constantly like, hello, they'd make them wait.
So these are the kind of stories we want to hear this morning.
0800 dials at M is the number.
Give us a call now.
You can text her as well.
9696. Your petty little
acts at work. Petty tribe
unite. If you're in the mood to be petty,
you're about to hear some great tips from people
who are petty at their workplace.
You've decided not to reply.
No, I reply to an email
if someone spells my name wrong and I say,
sorry, who are you after?
It's so petty.
I'm hearing from lots of people. Tracy. I'm a Tracy. I'm a email if someone spells my name wrong and I say, sorry, who are you after? It's so petty. So petty.
I'm hearing from lots of people, Tracy, I'm a Tracy.
I'm a T-R-A-C-Y.
I always get a T-R-A-E-C-E-Y.
Yeah, but it's close enough.
They mean.
How do they get it wrong?
They've literally typed in my email.
They've seen my sign off and a signature with the correct spelling.
Right.
But she's given up correcting people.
No, come back, Tracy.
Come back.
Someone else said,
you've got a difficult to spell name.
You can't expect it to be spelt right every time.
Do you know how to spell everybody's name in the world?
No, and that's not my argument,
but they've written it correctly to get my email.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just be consistent is what I'm arguing.
Ellen, how petty do you get?
Well, you know, when, um,
first of all, long time listener.
Oh!
Yay!
Now, Ellen, how would you like us to spell
your name? E-L-L-E-N?
Yeah, that's how it's meant to be
spelt, but I actually get a lot of Aaron
as well, so I'm not sure what that's about.
Aaron, no, that's a completely different
word. Completely different name, yeah.
Yeah, that's not your name.
No, it's not. But I get a lot of emails
and I find that people, when they're
in a hurry to get stuff done, they put that little red
exclamation point in it.
You know, high importance.
Oh, yeah. I'll decide.
That's real pass-ag. That's right up there
with the, they want a read receipt.
Oh my God, don't ask me for a read receipt.
As far as you need to know, I never saw this email.
Oh, yeah, never, ever, ever, ever.
Because I'm going to have deniability.
Yeah.
If somebody flags an email as high importance, what do you do, Alan?
I just ignore that little sucker for days.
Yeah, good on you, mate.
Did she say sucker or?
Sucker.
I think she said sucker.
Yeah, she did.
Alan wouldn't tarnish her name like that on the first, as she's a first-time caller. I think she said sucker. Yeah, she did. Go, go, go. Just come to the head.
Alan wouldn't tarnish her name like that on the first... No, first time caller.
No, thank you, Alan.
Sarah, how petty do you get at work?
I used to work at a bar while I was studying at uni.
Yeah.
And, like, the regular beer drinkers could just be annoying and rude.
Yeah.
So to get back at them, I would just purposely pour their beer with a,
you give a lot of foam.
You'd give them a beer with like,
what, a couple of inches of foam?
Yep.
Big head.
Did any of them ever ask you to have another go at it?
Probably, and then I would have just ignored them.
Sorry, you get what you're given.
Wow, I love that.
Whereas if someone was polite, you'd go right to the top.
Oh, I'd overfill it, undercharge them.
Yeah, right.
Be nice to me, I'll be nice to you.
Yeah, there you go.
You could also have done what Ryan messaged in.
He's a coffee drive-through guy.
When the customer's demanding or unnecessarily rude over the speaker,
he gives them decaf coffee.
Oh, my God.
They pay for the coffee and then they don't even get their caffeine.
So you could do the same, Sarah.
You could just be pouring them 0% beers.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Brilliant.
Sarah, thank you.
Christy, how petty do you get at work?
So I get quite petty.
I'm very similar to Vaughan.
So I deliver skip bins for a job, so I'm a truck driver.
And quite often, quite a few customers will have to text in advance saying that we're on our way or that we're outside.
So I'll go, hi, this is Christy, correct spelling, obviously, from a company that I work for.
I'm here to deliver, I'm on my way, blah, blah, blah.
And they'll go, thanks, Christy, But then they'll reply back with the incorrect spelling.
You've just spelled it out.
And it really grinds you.
I will reply back with Christy with the stars on either side.
Wait, I will see you soon.
Oh, my God, like asterisks.
Oh, my God, you and Bourne need to hang out.
That's going to be an awkward skip in drop off.
I love it, I love it.
God, how good's a skip in?
Also, didn't you say, Vaughn, that you wanted to deliver skips?
I mean, this is the perfect woman.
Yeah.
You could hang out.
Talk about how people are always spelling our names wrong.
You need an employee there, Christy.
Love it.
Thank you, Christy.
Some messages in.
I'm a high school teacher.
If kids message me a question on the school app and don't say hello first,
they leave them on read.
They eventually come and find you if it's unimportant
and they always start a conversation with hello, miss.
And I say, see, that's how you start a conversation.
Oh, wow.
So they just send a demanding,
what's this kind of question, right?
Yeah, yeah, what's this mean, miss?
Okay.
I used to work at a fast food place with a drive-thru
and if people would yell greetings at the drive-thru,
like, hello, hello,
I'd greet them the same way they greet me.
I'd be like, yes, hello, hello,
and they'd get mad, but they started it.
That's so petty.
That's so petty.
I love it.
See, I'm telling you, they know you're there.
You just got to wait for them.
Yeah.
My name is Mark.
I'm going to get an email starting with,
good morning, Mark.
I always reply using their last name
to start the email,
then sign off with my first name
in uppercase.
Oh so then
the last name is Mark?
My last name is Mark.
Oh yeah right.
Yeah so they started with Mark.
Oh yeah.
That's his problem.
That might also be
a little bit of your problem
for having a first name
as a last name.
Yeah you can't have
two names mate.
Yeah.
I recently saw someone
with three first names.
Oh yeah that's
their names.
Like John Paul Mark.
Yeah like Paul Mark.
Yeah, like Paul Mark would have been hyphenated as their last name.
Yeah.
It was like, that's too many first names.
Too many first names.
That's too many first names.
Well, there you go.
Be nice to people.
Be nice to people. Nah, be petty.
Lean in.
Go hard.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
The debate's already started off air and I think we should bring it on here because now
it's multi-layered.
It's multi-tier.
Okay, the first question that I want to pose from this article is how often you wash your towel.
Because according to this survey, not often enough.
Now, this is out of Britain, but they are washing them like four times a year.
So seasonally, that's how often you're supposed to change your toothbrush.
That can't be right.
You're saying that they all...
My dude.
Wouldn't have got wet and damp and stuff by then?
One million respondents wash them once a year.
Once a year.
Are you kidding me?
I'm not kidding you.
I wish I was, sir, but I am not.
That's so manky.
I'll go every couple of days.
I'll just put a new towel on
and then wash.
That's the recommendation.
Every three days
use a towel for three days
and then get a new towel
or wash the towel.
Right?
And so then we were talking about this
off here going
oh how often do you wash your towel
and then Shannon admitted
to being a manky bee.
How many
how often will you go
before you wash your towel Shannon?
Well I'll alternate a towel
because in my head
if you don't use it every day, it's not as
gross, but I think I'll wash it every...
What do you mean you'll alternate? So she's got two towels
on the go? Two towels on the go.
Oh my god, no.
And like, one's for hair and one's for body.
So I wash it maybe
every two weeks. Is that bad?
Yeah, that's me.
Because we don't have a washer dryer,
so it's a laundromat.
So you've got to get the whole flat together.
Yeah, I'm using a laundromat. There's no excuse.
Get in your car, wash your towels.
Yeah, maybe every two.
Good thing she's pretty.
I say it all the time.
Good thing she's pretty because, boy, she's manky.
Yeah.
You're building me up too much.
Just checking, Shannon, you're not a 19-year-old boy, eh?
I could be.
Yeah, some of your habits.
It sounds like it.
The towels, yeah. All I eat is just a piece of meat for dinner
She brought us a kinder surprise yesterday
I got a polar bear
So then I was like
I brought in a bag of oranges that I'm very worried about
That produces vitamin C levels
Yeah good
So then we were talking about this and then Carwin was like
Oh I don't wash it
I'll change it every few days.
And then we were like, where are you putting your dirty, wet, damp towels?
No, no, no.
In the basket.
I'm not putting it in the basket when it's damp.
Right.
Where are you putting it?
Like, as in, I won't, straight after, I'll hang it up to dry
and then I'll put it in the basket.
Right.
And then you'll wash, when you've got enough towels, you'll wash them.
Yeah, there's only two of us in the house, so I'll swap them,
but I won't do a load of washing for two towels.
I thought you were putting them in the basket.
I was like, yuck.
It's not weird.
You've got a musty and yuck.
You've got a musty basket.
No, I have a moldy house.
I'm not doing that.
You've got a moldy house and a musty basket.
Oh, you don't want a musty basket.
Producer Jared, because this is very similar, these results.
Was it the UK that weren't washing their sheets?
Yeah.
March as well?
Yeah, the grubs.
God, manky.
Jared, how often will you wash your towels?
Like two or three days.
Oh, yeah.
I've also got a...
Girlfriend.
Yeah.
So, pre the midi, how often were you washing towels?
Probably like a week.
Washing what?
I don't know.
I reckon about a week.
They start getting a residual dampness. They'll dry out,
especially over winter, they'll dry out
the first time you use them and the second time
they feel alright. But then slowly the dampness
just builds up. And by the end of the week
you're like, this is too damp now to function as
a towel. Well listen to this, this
might change how you feel about it okay a freshly washed towel right straight from the dryer
contains about 190 000 counts of bacteria there's bacteria on everything so that's not too bad yeah
yeah after just one use that level of bacteria increases to 17 million. And then 94 million is the increase after a week of using it.
So after like a few months.
Dude.
Or like four months.
Third question to this whole thing.
Yeah.
If you live with a partner, do you share a towel?
No.
Because then it's wet if you get it after they've got it.
Because our towels look the same.
So when me and Aaron, when we had a bathroom,
we'd hang them up and I wouldn't quite know which one was wet.
I'd just go for it.
Right, just go for the driest.
What about if you don't wash yourself properly and you get out of the shower
and when you're toweling, you go over your knee that's got a bit of dirt on it
and then you took it out and it's like, uh-oh.
And you've got to say to your partner, that's not a skid.
You've got to at that time alert them
you can't let them
see it first
and say what's that
and you say it was dirt
I didn't wash my knee properly
you have to let them know
yeah
you just put it
straight in the
washing machine
or the basket
straight in the wash
oh if you get skids on it
that's straight to the basket
oh if you get
whoa whoa whoa
that's a different
chat altogether.
Yeah.
If you're getting skids on a towel, you're going to be washing your butts properly.
But Matt.
Get the shower.
You need a removable shower head.
You need to blast the anus.
That's what you need to do every morning.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
There are some manky people out there.
Wash your towels, people.
If you don't have a removable shower head, get good at a handstand on tiles.
You've got to get up there.
You've got to give that thing a blast.
That's incredible core strength, Ward.
It really is.
It's a two for then.
Yeah.
Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey.
Play ZM.
Taylor Swift, I Can See You.
That's today's 8 o'clock song.
You're listening for that song at midday with Georgia.
This afternoon at 4 when that third song plays
for the first call of through and win a couple of tickets to see Taylor Swift live in Sydney
like Jan did yesterday.
Jan, you're going to Taylor Swift.
Was it yesterday or last Tuesday?
I don't know, but Jan's won some tickets.
No, because Clint wasn't here last Tuesday.
Yeah, no, he wasn't.
I heard of Clint.
I heard of Clint.
Couple of boys, couple of lads.
Yeah, there we go. So congrats. Yeah. Yeah, no. Because I heard a Clint. I heard a Clint. Couple of boys, couple of lads. Yeah, there we go.
So congrats.
Yeah.
Okay, guys.
You know that I'm on tour
at the moment.
I'm in Invercargill
and last night
we got home from the theatre.
We get home about 10.30
and it takes me a little bit
to wind down.
So I got into bed
and I was like,
I'll watch some Netflix, right?
Why not?
I haven't watched Netflix
for ages
because, you know, I've got all the streaming and I'm trying to figure out which ones I want to delete to save some money.
Anyway, so I went on.
How's that going?
You're still logged into all of them?
Every single one.
I have every single streaming service, music, film, TV and otherwise.
Now, you know, when you go on Netflix.com And it says
Who's watching
So I've got multiple profiles
Because I share my password with my parents
And even though they cracked down
It didn't affect you
You didn't get cracked
I've slipped under the radar
Even though I've talked about it on radio at least three times
So my options are
Hayley and Aaron
Pink smiley face
Mum and dad
Navy smiling face
And that's always been the way
Last night I went on
And it was a green profile
At the end, Hayley and Aaron
Mum and dad or Motutara
What?
And I was like
Who's Motutara?
I have no idea who that is.
I've never seen that before.
Does that place ring a bell?
Motutara is like a,
well,
I don't know. Motutara Road
in Murawai was where a lot of those
slips were after the...
Yeah, there's some Waimoku
Motutaras, and then there was an
email address, which I won't say on air,
but I was like, I don't know who that is.
And then I've been trying to Google it.
I cannot find it.
The only piece of information I have about this Motutara
is that the only show they've watched,
only movie they've watched from start to finish is Gladiator.
Great movie though.
It's a classic. Hot Russell Crowe. Is it an Oscar winning movie? Oh, yes, it was. It's a big Oscar winning film. from start to finish is gladiator yeah they are but that was the only thing you know cuz I went
I was like I'll be able to sort of get a vibe for continue watching yeah yeah and continue watching
they only had a couple of minutes left on gladiator and that's it so who's more to start
watching gladiator on my profile? How'd they get my information?
How?
Okay, you have to change your password.
No, I can't be bothered though.
Have you left yourself logged on somewhere and they've just created a new profile?
I know because I'm travelling around at the moment, right?
And I was like, maybe I've watched Netflix on one of the hotel TVs, but I haven't.
I haven't.
I absolutely haven't.
I've been watching other things in the hotels, you know,
not logging onto their TVs.
So there's nothing.
And the last time I did log into a TV was in Melbourne,
and I know I logged out.
And I don't think Motutara is in Melbourne.
Because you can, in your profile,
you can see who's logged into your account, right,
all the active sessions.
So you can see if somebody's like an ex is still leeching off you.
Yeah, totally.
But I've deleted the profile.
Oh, they haven't finished Gladiator.
But they obviously have your password.
You need to change your password.
Yeah, but then I've got to tell my mum,
and then every time she logs in to watch a movie,
she'll be like, now what's the new password?
Can you tell your father?
Put your father on the phone.
I can't be bothered with that.
Well, you've got to because they've got your password. Can you tell your father, put your father on the phone. I can't be bothered with that. Well, you've got to
because they've got your password.
I honestly think
you've accidentally
logged on somewhere
and forgot to log off.
No, they've got your password
somehow.
Because I've only watched one thing.
So that tells me
it's an Airbnb
and they went on
and they were like,
oh, and they're like,
oh, I don't want to ruin
Gladiator for them
so I'll start my own profile.
But your parents
are out of the country.
You haven't stayed anywhere.
They've got your info somewhere. What about when you were
staying at that Airbnb and
you did, when you were doing
Kiwi Bake Off?
No, that was
so long ago. No, I know, but that's
if you didn't log off, they might have logged in
there and watched Gladiator.
I can't even remember
if they had a Netflix. Because that wasn't
also too far from Motutara, the road.
Right.
But you didn't watch Gladiator.
No, but the other people could have watched Gladiator.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
The people who have logged on and created a new profile have watched Gladiator.
Yeah, I'd change your password.
No, please don't make me change my password.
I don't know what it is.
Are you one of those people that has the same password for everything?
Maybe.
Maybe Motutara
has access to more things than
just my Netflix? Yes, exactly.
Oh, fine. But I
can't be bothered. And Motutara, you've
annoyed me with this.
Okay, so if that's you
and you've watched Gladiator, you said that
a couple of minutes left. Was that the credits or
the final scenes of the movie?
Better not be the final scenes,
because those are crunchy scenes.
Yeah.
And you've just deleted them.
But you know sometimes when you stop watching something
on a streaming service,
and then you go back to finish it,
it also takes you back a couple of minutes?
Yeah.
Give you a little bit of a recap of where you were?
Maybe that's the situation.
Oh, look at this.
Go on the settings, security and privacy,
control access to this account,
view the most recently active devices
and more, manage access and devices, sign
out of all devices. There you go.
Sign out.
Goodbye.
But now your mum's gonna
be on the blower next time she wants to use it
because you've just signed her out too.
Dude, if my parents are living in
beautiful sunny Italy at the moment and they want to watch
Netflix, shame on them.
Let's go for a walk.
I think you can say if my parents can afford to live abroad six months a year,
they can afford their own damn Netflix.
That too.
That too.
Well, I was alerted to this article at the bottom of another article.
The original article was called,
Girl Math is Just another TikTok trend here
to infantilise the woman.
Oh, shut up.
You're cancelled now.
Girls, you're cancelled now.
You mad ladies, babies.
Get a sense of humour.
That's literally just a joke, right?
I know. Plug the podcast.
Plug the podcast?
Fletch, do a seamless plug
It's not seamless if you point it out
You've literally highlighted the seam bruh
Plug the podcast
Seamless
If you go to the podcast place
All the girl bands
Podcasts are there in one place
Who else is excited for me to get back in studio
And just sort this show out
Seamless Don't point out the seam In one place. Yep. Who else is excited for me to get back in studio and just sort this show out?
Seamless.
Don't point out the seam.
There is that little bit of part in our podcast feed of all of the Girl Maths episodes.
That's just literally what I said.
So far.
So seamless.
You just said podcast place, I think.
Yeah.
Well, everyone knows where the podcast place is.
It's wherever you get your podcasts.
It's where they podcast.
It's wherever you get them.
Wherever you get your podcasts.
www.podcast.com.
That's where I get mine.
Podcast. Podcast. Podcasts. I get mine on the you get your podcasts. www.podcast.com. That's where I get mine. Podcasts.
Podcasts.
Podcasts.
I get mine on the iHeartRadio app.
Also, Streaming ZM Live.
So well done.
Seamless.
God, he's good, eh?
Seamless.
There's no seam there.
This said, so much for girl math.
Lads' holidays are costing, on average, 900 pounds more.
Blame the beer and tanning.
Shoot, that's like two grand.
Wait, girls.
No, surely guys are not spending more on holidays
The absolute breakdown of this
Is guys leave everything to the last minute
And when you leave everything to the last minute
You have to pay a premium for it
Except me so am I not a guy
No you're a girlie
So they say
That men spend more on tanning
Because they get it done just before they go on holidays,
whereas women might have a consistent tanning regimen.
Is this British?
It's British, yeah.
This is British.
Okay, I was like, who's getting a spray tan?
Yeah, no, this is like Love Island people, I think.
Oh, no, no, no.
So lads on average spent two and a half thousand pounds,
which is 35% more than the ladies' average holiday, the gals, gals, gals, which was 1,500 pounds, which is 35% more than the ladies' average holiday,
the gals, gals, gals, which was 1,700 pounds.
And so you're organised.
You're organised.
You've got the advance flights are cheaper because you planned
and your hotels will be cheaper because you planned far in advance,
whereas guys are like, should we go to Spain next weekend?
No, Spain, Spain, Spain, Spain, Spain, Spain.
And so the flights are more expensive, the hotels are more expensive.
Men spend 40...
Go on.
No, I was just saying, I wonder what alcohol is.
It is.
I've got it right here.
That was exactly where I was going next.
Oh, we've got Seamless.
Oh, now you've pointed out the same.
Seamless.
No, you've pointed out the same.
No Seam on this one.
Good luck seeing my panty line.
We're the Lululemon
leggings of the radio industry.
You can't see
my big fat granny panties
underneath my Lululemons
because it's seamless.
Alcohol's the biggest one.
Men spend 43% more
than women on booze.
Really?
I would have thought
with cocktails.
I also love the cocktails.
They should put Hayley
in the mix for this.
Yeah, really.
Boost those numbers.
But ring it.
Because I was like, they'll think chicks are lightweight and can have a few chardonnays
and then they're on their way. Yeah.
One bot, I'm like, should we do a marathon or something?
So 30% of
women plan and budget for
a holiday, whereas men are significantly
less likely to winging it,
which of course always means forking it a little bit more.
I always find it funny when
Vaughn is in charge of organising a trip.
Like, for example, where did you go to a stag do?
So your wife wasn't involved at all, and you were just...
It was all fine.
Yeah, but it was weird watching you organise the holiday.
It was all last minute.
It was all absolutely fine.
Last minute, you were worried.
I've learnt in my 41 years on earth,
if you're a white male,
things tend to line up.
They sort of do, don't they?
Things tend to
just kind of do their thing.
More expensive last minute, like the rental car
that you were organising, the flights.
You organised the rental car.
You got me
the cheaper one because you said it was a better deal
and you'd received an email alert.
Yeah, I had to look after him.
And then I got there and he upgraded me.
He liked the cut of my jib.
And you know what I said to him?
It's going to cost me more to run this car.
It's an 1800.
The last one was a 1600.
Yeah, they looked at me like I was being very ungrateful, and I was.
Yeah, but I wanted a petrol voucher
they happened to a friend
they were getting
a rental car in Italy
and they were like
great news
we've upgraded your rental car
and they're like
oh fantastic
because they've got
a little compact car
yeah
and then they get
this massive
four wheel drive
and it doesn't fit
down the streets
it doesn't go down
the little Italian streets
of some of the little
Italian towns
can't go to the Cinque Terre
yeah
so you've got to be careful of that but yes a guy is spending more who knew down the streets. One go down the little Italian streets. Some of the little Italian towns. Can't go to the Cinque Terre, yeah. Yeah.
So you've got to be careful of that.
Yeah.
But yes,
a guy's spending more.
Who knew?
Who knew?
I wouldn't have thought.
Who knew?
Who knew?
Now,
if you've been listening
to the show this week,
you'll know it's
Honey Badger Week
on Facts of the Day.
I'm loving it,
by the way, Vaughan.
Thank you very much.
I've had great correspondence
about Honey Badger Week.
Okay.
And a lot of people
are very excited
about the Honey Badger.
I'm always excited
to introduce new fans to the Honey Badger. BT Dumps, do we have any Honey Badger Week. Okay. And a lot of people are very excited about the Honey Badger. I'm always excited to introduce new fans to the Honey Badger.
BT Dumps, do we have any Honey Badgers at zoos around the country?
Not in New Zealand.
No, we don't.
We've got Tasmanian Devils.
We should have a Rascals Corner at the zoo.
Oh, yeah.
Because I know there's like the Australian Corner
and the African part of Auckland Zoo.
There should just be a corner called the Rascals Corner
and they've got all the most mischievous animals around.
Global Rascals.
Yeah.
Global Rascals.
Great corner of the zoo.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Yeah. Hi and welcome to Honey Badger Week for this week's Fact of the Day themed week.
We've learnt so much about the humble honey badger and boy, I bet it's rocketing up everybody's
chants of favourite animals.
Yeah, they're pretty great.
Yeah, they're pretty great. Yeah, they're pretty great. Well, today's fact of the day is the honey badger's skin is six millimeters thick.
Whoa, okay.
That is comparable to the skin of the cape buffalo,
an animal that weighs 50 times more than the honey badger.
Oh, my God.
What's a pig?
I'm just trying to think of animals.
Well, I looked up human skin.
The mean skin thickness of males is between 0.6 of a mil and 3 mil, so half.
What about granny's skin?
That's always a bit...
Granny's skin's thin.
Yeah, females have thinner skin than men.
Oh, okay.
So the thinnest of the skin on females is thicker than the male's skin is thinnest skin.
Thinnest skin is hard to say.
Thinnest skin.
No, it's not really, is it?
Where's our thinnest skin?
Is it the neck?
Because I feel like my neck's aging.
I don't know.
But your thinnest skin is one and a half mils.
But your thickest skin is only 2.8 mils.
Is that why some of our jokes aimed at Hayley hurt her more?
No, it's like funny because we're all laughing.
The high-end ones.
The high-end ones stay with her longer.
We're just like ribbing and we're all getting it.
The light jabs don't get through.
Yeah.
No, it's funny.
It's fine.
Just turn the air.
It's fine.
It's funny.
I get it.
She's having fun.
She's laughing.
She's laughing.
I get it. She's having fun. She's laughing. She's laughing. I get it.
She's having fun.
So then when you compare that to a honey badger.
Yeah, their skin is twice as thick as ours.
That's insane.
So it took twice as much to get through.
Terrible for tattoos and piercings.
It wouldn't stick.
Yeah.
You'd imagine the honey badger would love a tattoo.
Yeah, the bad boy's a bad boy.
Yeah, yeah.
Tramp stamps and stuff, just for a laugh.
Did you have other animal thickness?
The top 10 animals with thicker skin.
I'd love to.
Elephants?
Elephants are up there.
Number 10.
They've got real crusty skin, eh?
Crusty as, eh?
Yeah.
Why have you ridden them?
Twice.
Oh, what?
Cancelled.
Not recently.
Cancelled. Twice. So, hippopotamus is on the list. Oh, wow. Cancelled. Not recently. Cancelled.
So, hippopotamus is on the list.
Oh, yeah.
As are honey badgers.
Camels have very thick skin.
Armadillas, of course.
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
They're shells, aren't they?
You've got to say armadilla.
Armadilla.
I don't want to hear armadillo ever said.
It's got to be armadilla.
Whale sharks have thick skin.
Bisons have thick skin.
Yeah, bison. Sperm whales, rhinos, elephants and crocodiles
Bisons make great handbags
Bisons do
They do, bison leather
Yeah, yeah
There's a company that does strictly bison leather bags
They're nice
Is that why Native American bow and arrows
Were like leagues ahead of other bow and arrows
Because they had to penetrate such
Because they had to penetrate the thicker skin.
Maybe.
And yeah, but it's the honeybird is one of the few sort of like non-pachyderm land-based
mammals on the list.
Up there with camels and bisons.
Thick skin.
Yeah, thick skin.
Do they have, is my heels on that list?
So what are your heels made of?
Thick.
No, she's talking about the heels of her foot.
Oh, right.
Okay, yeah, right.
You were thinking she had heels made out of another animal.
Like crocodiles or something.
No, no, no.
I mean my natural heels.
God, they've got to be thick.
Yeah.
They've got cracks in them?
Oh, mate.
Craters in them.
You should see them after a sand them down.
Yeah.
That's when she wants to actually hit them with that sanding thing.
Yeah.
After a sand them down.
A pumice stone.
Get a pumice stone on those heels.
Yeah.
But also the skin is rubbery.
Yeah.
The honey badger's skin is rubbery and too big for them.
Do you know why?
So if something bites them, they can twist and turn and get out of the grip.
God, they're so smart.
Yeah, so smart, so smart, so smart, so smart.
And they average so much on honey badger.
The average bee sting can't get through them,
which is also very handy
because we talked about how much they love yumming up honey
straight from the hive in the bee larvae.
And yeah, so they can't get through.
They've got to sting them in a certain place
to be able to get through,
deposit it into a part of their body that the venom
can affect them. The poison.
So today's Fact of the Day here on Honey Badger Week.
Tune in two more to go.
What's next week going to be?
Are we going to keep theming?
Well, I don't know.
We'll see. Find it organically.
Today's Fact of the Day is
honey badgers have some of the thickest skins
amongst the animal kingdom.
Fact of the Day Day honey badgers have some of the Thickest skins amongst the animal kingdom Fact of the day Day
Day
Day
Day
Now I'm travelling around With a bunch of people at the moment
and you get to know each other very well.
And yesterday I was sitting between some lovely comedians
and my phone rung and it was Aaron.
Your fiancé.
My fiancé of 13 years nearly.
And they were like,
why have you got Aaron saved under his full name?
I said, what do you mean?
And Aaron saved my phone,
as he has been from the first day we went on a date,
Aaron Courtesy, like just his first and last name.
And I'm on his phone as Hayley Sproul.
And they thought it was a bit odd.
I'm surprised you haven't changed that to TV's Hayley Sproul.
As seen on TV.
Well, once upon a time, do you know what I mean?
Once on TV, yeah, yeah.
You'd argue it's radio's Hayley Sproul now.
I'm like you though as well, because everything has to be in order.
And there was a time when I had profile photos as well, or contact photos.
Yeah, I've got profile photos.
But that's gone a bit out the window.
But everyone is first and last name.
Even my parents.
Like, I've got mum and dad home for their home line.
Oh, no, I've got mum and dad.
I've got mum and dad.
But I have, like, first and last name for my parents,
because it's in order on my phone.
If I go Patsy, no, it just comes up with my mum's email.
Yeah, right.
Mum and dad are mum and dad.
Yeah, okay.
But Aaron's not.
Because lots of people put hubby or bubba or baby.
Baby mushkins.
Or like Bean.
I call Aaron Bean.
I don't know if.
You wouldn't put him in your phone as Bean?
As Bean.
Beanie.
What about you, Vaughan, with Sade?
Sade is Chance McGee.
That's right.
Chance McGee.
And it calls and it says,
you may be receiving a call from Chance McGee or four other people.
Oh, yeah.
I hate that when it's saved under so many different things.
Yeah, and then you go through and you delete the other people,
but every time it just refreshes off it's saved
and puts it that it could be four other people
but yeah, it's Sharts McGee
What does she have you saved as?
Bertie Christopherson I believe
Bertie, I love that
I love that
Fletch, when you, I mean because you're a single
bachelor, but when you have been in a relationship
did you have a name or you just went
First and last name
It's always first and last name
it's got to be in order
what are the proddies rocking with their
lovers
that was a very Dutch of you
lovers
what about you
Carwyn
well for most of my
relationship my
partner's name has been a completely different man's name.
Why?
Because you wish he was someone else.
Oh my God, I should change mine to Jason more
so when Aaron rings me, I get a little thrill.
Hello.
Hello, Aquaman.
No, it just started as an inside joke and I never changed it.
Oh yeah, it's good stuff.
Jared?
Just her name, bro.
Bro.
First and last.
First, last, and then bro.
Because everything has to be in order.
Everything has to be in order.
Yeah, totally.
Well, maybe we could take some calls and get some messages
of what your partner, wife, husband is saved under on your phone.
Because I'm sure there's some dumb stuff.
Maybe they're still saved as Tinder guy four, you know?
Oh my God, and then you've got married and had kids,
but he's still Tinder guy four.
Because he's Tinder guy four.
Oh my God, I love that.
Whatever it is, 0800 dials at M.
Give us a call.
Let's take your calls.
You can message through as well, 9696 to text.
What is your partner saved under on your phone?
I want to know what you have your partner saved under on your phone? I want to know what you have your partner
saved under on your phone because
Aaron, my fiance, is just
Aaron Courtesy, his full name.
And some people find that a bit
cold and weird.
But it's just ordering like it
all should be. People that have a messy contacts
does my head in. I know.
No emojis either. Don't be silly.
You grow up
Just grow up
No emojis
So you want to know
What you've said
About hearts and stuff
Yeah
That's a vom
Is that a vom all round
I'm just making sure
I've got no emojis
No none
Yeah just checking
Greg
What's your partner
Saved in your phone as
She's saved as
The Cheesecake Factory.
Why?
She's American
and growing up in high school
she was often mistaken
as a bit of a
Kaley Cuoco lookalike.
So it's a nod to
the Big Bang Theory
and Penny working
at the Cheesecake Factory.
Oh, okay.
Also, this is a
hot way of you bragging
that your partner
looks like K Kelly Cuoco.
Well done.
Well done for getting that out there.
Great for you.
Good brag.
Good brag.
And some brownie points.
And some brownie points in the bag there for Greg.
Exactly.
That's the only reason he called up.
Yeah, he's like, I've got a hot missus and everybody should know about it.
Kudos.
Gina, what's your partner saved in your phone as?
Morning, guys.
How are you?
Good, thank you.
Good.
So my partner's name is David.
Bit boring. So under my phone
it's Davey, which is a little bit cute.
But somehow my daughter
changed it to
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oops guys, I know mobile and I have no idea
how to do that.
And like in my phone, it's
Davey. I can text Davey, call Davey.
But whenever I'm in the car and I say, call Davey to Siri,
she just rocks out with the ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Oh, my God, that's so good.
So you never change it, never change it.
Never change it.
I'm never changing it, and I don't know how to change it.
But I quite like to do it in the car with the kids, friends,
and they're in there, and I'm like, call Davey, and it rocks out with this ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Calling, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
That's so good.
Jenna, amazing.
Thank you.
Some more messages?
My husband is from India,
and I have him saved in my phone as Indian love god.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Okay.
My wife entered herself in my phone as love of my life.
Oh, okay.
So I made a personal ringtone, which was her snoring.
Oh, my God.
Aaron's got a personal ringtone, remember?
He's got me saved as Hayley Sproul, but it's me singing him a song.
That's right.
That's cute.
That's cute.
My ex-husband is saved in my phone as TC.
Now, the kids think it stands for Top Cat,
but the C is not for cat.
Oh, it's not for cat.
Yeah, we can imagine.
Okay, keep your texts coming in.
9696 0800 1000 M.
What is your partner saved in your phone as?
God, some people are cute and some people are disgusting.
That's what I'm getting from that.
Yeah, we want to know what your partner is saved in your phone as.
Yeah.
And we were just saying off-air, a lot of people are putting ICE, I-C-E.
ICE in case of emergency and then in front of their partner's names.
I don't think you're going to do that with smartphones anymore.
No.
On the iPhone, the big lock on-off button,
if you just jam that a whole lot of times,
it'll say slide to power off a medical ID or emergency call.
Oh, yeah.
And then you go medical ID and it says,
Warren Smith, 41 years old.
Add to emergency contacts.
87.
Can you get in trouble for lying about your weight on this thing?
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, no.
I don't know when I did this, but it says it under information.
It doesn't have my weight.
Why doesn't it have my weight?
But it says allergies and reactions. Cuteness. He's got big. And blood't have my weight. Why doesn't it have my weight? But it says allergies and reactions.
Cuteness.
Add blood type. O+.
Oh yeah, I've got to add my... I don't know what my
blood type is.
You can add all the info and you can set
several contacts to be your emergency contacts.
I know, and Ross Boss is my emergency
contact when one day he made me stay for a staff
meeting and I said, fine, you've got to be my emergency
contact. And then I'm going to go out
this weekend and do some silly things.
Good luck dealing with
me in a coma. And he's like,
and that's why I think he's ahead of
Sade. Right. Do you think that
people in the ambulance do this, like the paramedics?
And they're just like, oh, we'll just see.
And then they're like, he says he's 84 kgs.
That's what I'm like.
My weight's on their team. My emergency what I'm like. Oh, my God.
My emergency contact's already taken my weight from a different app.
Oh, really?
Okay.
I just saw the number and I was like, ooh, what the hell?
And I was like, oh, no, that is the number.
Okay.
Well, so you don't need to write ice next to people.
No, you don't need to do that anymore.
And in fact, they wouldn't even be able to find those unless your phone was unlocked.
Exactly.
Oh, they could use the face thing to like, you're like, blah, and they're like,
face scan, and they're like,
oh, face unrecognisable. You might be mangled.
And they tuck your tongue in and shut your mouth and
hold your eye open.
Yeah, they might be able to. Pop it back in first and then
hold it open. Get in that way.
Let's take some calls. Liv, what's
your partner saved in your phone as?
Good morning.
I saved in my phone as Matt Good morning. I saved in my phone
as Matt from New Flat
question mark.
Oh my god, I love a question mark. Like, I
think this is him.
Also, you were flatmates
turned lovers. Exactly.
So, but at the time, it was
when I was looking at a few flats and this was like
years and years ago and I wasn't sure
if this was the flat I was going to move in with
because it was an all-boys flat, and I was like, I don't know.
Oh, yeah, no thanks.
And I did end up moving in because it was a really nice room,
and they seemed like great guys.
Yeah.
But I left it as question mark because I was still unsure at the time.
Moved in, kind of forgot about it because we didn't really text that much,
and then actually ended up moving out, but we stayed friends
and then a couple of years later we got together
and I still had his phone number saved as Matt from New Flat question mark
and we've been together five years and I've never changed it.
Oh, I love that.
You can never change that now, never.
That's a brilliant story. Thanks, Liv.
Emma, what's your partner saved in your phone as?
Hi, my partner is saved in my phone as Captain Calipagian.
What is it?
Calcigian.
Calipagian.
And so if you Google it, it means well-shaped buttocks.
So your partner has well-shaped buttocks.
I'm sorry to pry.
He is a personal trainer and he is an
absolute dump truck.
Dump truck.
We'll always applaud a dump truck here on the show.
We love dumps.
I don't care who's driving it. Men, women,
neither.
Absolutely.
Can you pass on our congratulations
to old dump truck?
Oh, I will.
I will.
He'll be very proud
to know that his
dump truck has made
it onto the show.
I mean, we wouldn't
say no to a photo,
but that's up to you.
Amazing.
What does he just,
oh, let's not hurry
in any hurry.
Let's hear more
about these buttocks.
Like, what can he press?
Oh, no, I was going
to say, like,
what does he look best in? Jeans? Tight shorts? He's got more about these buttocks. Like, what can he press? I was going to say, what does he look best in?
Jeans? Tight shorts?
He's got, he wears like, you know,
the short, the shorter, what,
the three inch jeans? I don't know, like the small
shorts, but not super short.
He's also got some really like
stretchy jeans that just show it off.
Oh yeah!
How often do you smack it and say,
I have a bit of that cake?
Oh, a lot.
Good girl.
There's a bit of competition now because there's a bit of butt envy in our house.
So you're working on your butt too?
I mean, yeah.
I want to have the nice butt in a relationship.
We're always all working on the butt.
Yeah.
You've got to work on the butt.
Great stuff.
So what is this?
Is he smacking back saying, I'll have a bit ofacking back? I'm just going to shut off this conversation now.
I'm doing some group therapy session.
What's wrong with a bit of consensual smacking?
He doesn't want to train you because he doesn't want you, you know,
taking the crown of the household's hottest butt?
I mean, it's like healthy competition.
We train together, but he's always in the gym doing his thing,
and I'm actually on the way to the gym now to do my hip thrust.
What are you going to do?
Line up some squats?
You going to do some squats?
Hit a hundred, but we can do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get some hip thrusters in.
Hip thrusters, hip thrusters.
Some lunges?
Or does the lunge make it leaner?
Probably makes it leaner.
Hip thrusts are key, because that's how you get the shelf.
That's like the top.
That's how you get the shelf, babe.
Yeah, I know.
This is what I need.
I need to do the hip thrust.
I need the shelf. I'm just going to the shelf. You don't have the shelf.
I'm just going to fit us.
You don't have the right equipment in the mail, Jim.
Tell us, Jim, where it's at.
Yeah, it's where it's at.
Okay.
Oh, thrust away, babe.
Well, I tell you what, next time you see that fat cake, give it a smack for me.
Yeah, yeah, give it a smack for me too.
I'm always out there smacking my wife's butt.
Thank you, Emma.
Give us some of that fat cake.
Maybe if you focused more on your own shelf.
Got to work on the shelf.
Yeah.
Well, the shelf slipped off the bloody wall once I hit 40.
Some more.
Well, it was only attached to the wall using those things that go into jib.
And then you have all those plastic anchors.
Those things are a waste of time.
I've got to put some structural reinforcement back there and really get that shelf up.
Scux Deluxe.
My partner put his own name in my phone 13 years later it is still that
oh no um babe face with the tractor emoji babe face okay there's a tractor there um
his first name with heart i just heart eyes emoji three on each side okay um my partner's
name is hubba hubba hubby hubby Hubba Hubba Hubba Bubba Oh my god
Yeah
What if you're finding though
What if it's like
Hey I really didn't like
The way that you spoke to me today
Hubba Bubba
Hubba Hubba
Jabba Jabba
Yeah they're ringing you
To apologise
And it's like
Hubba Bubba
Jabba Jabba
Shabba Lubba
Um
Tosser
Always has been
And always will be
Tosser
I love my husband to bits
You're not really
Selling me on that Joe
Yes Lots Lots and lots And lots more has been and always will be tosser. I love my husband to bits. You're not really selling me on that, Joe.
Yes.
Lots, lots and lots and lots more.
Now everybody just wants to know about that shelf.
Everyone wants to see this person on trainers' butt.
Shelf life, baby.
Another podcast in the bag.
The plastic bag.
Are they back?
No, no, still banned.
Okay.
They never left. That's where you come in with the line, Gord. Boy, man, no, still banned. Okay. They never left.
That's where you come in with the line, Bourne.
Boy, man, if you enjoyed that.
Okay.
Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends.
God, I need some sleep.
Yeah.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.