ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 7th August 2024

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Tadpole Water  Top 6: Smith & Caugheys  Hayley's Fiction  Silly Little Poll!  A Surprise for Hayley!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fledgeforn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fledgeforn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. I've stuffed up my breakfast. What have you done?

I was unprepared yesterday. I didn't make anything in advance and I'm trying to sort of go, you know, high protes in the morning. Yeah. So all I did was grab quite a lot of protein yogurt. Man, it's festering. Look at that.

My stomach's already bloated. A woman or a man or a child or a person cannot survive on yogurt alone. Yeah. I've had a yogurt and a nut bar, and the mixture is really whoo. Okay, right. Well, that bodes well for us, doesn't it? Yeah. In the the mixture is really, whoo. Okay, right. Well, that bodes well for us, doesn't it? Yeah. In the studio with that kind of gassy guts.

Full of gassy guts. Oh, my God. Actually, well, long teas. May I long teas? Yeah. I've stuffed up all my eating within the last 24 hours. I really have. Yesterday, not so good.

Okay. More on that after eight. Said it have. Yesterday, not so good. Okay. More on that after eight. Said it was a long tease. Eight o'clock as well. We'll give you today's one golden song. That's the song you've got to be listening to. Thanks to One NZ to win $1,000 cash. That'd be nice.

Easy, easy. Just got to hear it and be the first caller through to win. Next on the show. Speaking of health. Speaking of health and food and stuff that maybe doesn't taste that good, there is a new food trend.

I'm going to tell you what it is. It's yucky. People love to jump on a trend, don't they? A diet trend in particular. It's the quintessential part of a trend, isn't it? People jumping on. People jumping on.

You're actually right there. You've really broken down the definition of trend. Yeah. I'm going to go to Collins. I'll go to Collins for an official trend definition. You're going to do it like a high school speech. The Arctic Dictionary states that a trend is defined as... A general direction in which something is developing

or changing. A fashion. I don't know if everybody's going to be doing this. Defined as. A general direction in which something is developing or changing. A fashion. I don't know if everybody's going to be doing this. This sounds manky. It's also not, doesn't do what people say it does. So it's called tadpole water. And it's called that because it's chia seeds in water, which if you know chia seeds, you put them in water, they like expand and go to a gloop.

Yep. You slurp the gloop. And people are saying it makes you lose weight. It doesn't. It just flushes you out, doesn't it? It flushes you out. It makes you shit yourself, basically. It clears everything.

It's got nothing to do, because, you know, nutritionists and scientists have jumped in and been like, um, no. It can actually also have the opposite effect if you do it too much, because people will be like, oh, I'm going to slurp up my tadpole water. And chia seeds, while very healthy for you, great protein, great full of vitamins, also very high in fat. So if you were just like chugging this down,

but also having like a, eating normal food as well. They'd be good fats though, right? They'd be good fats. Totally, but still if you're doing it too much. Everything in, you know, a balanced diet. Yeah, you're just having too much. So yeah, you have it and then it basically clears you out. But they were like, people are putting in a whole bunch

and then putting this water in and slurping it every day. It's basically colonoscopy water, right? Yeah. But on a colonoscopy, you're not allowed to have chia seeds. No, the seeds get caught in the folds of the colon. Right. No seeds. Right. On the week of the colon. Right. No seeds. Right. On the week of your colonoscopy. Yeah.

Especially if you've got a big old long colon like me. Yeah, long. Long colon. You've got a hung colon. A hung ass. Imagine an inside out elephant's trunk. Yeah, that's me. That's wrapped up all in here. Super long. But it takes things like seeds and stuff that stick to your digestive

tract takes longer. Right. Yeah, so it's like seeds and stuff that stick to your digestive tract takes longer. Right. Yeah, so it's like this TikTok thing and people are going like, oh my god, guys, I lost three pounds. I'm like, no you didn't. You pooped yourself. You pooped. Yeah, yeah. You pooped it out and then you're going to eat some food and it'll be right back down there. So a lot of nutritionists, fitness coaches, scientists

are saying, don't do this. Also, if you put too much chia seeds and not enough water, the seeds will actually expand in your stomach, cause blockage, meaning you'll be constipated, which is actually the difference. So you've got to be having more water for it. And then one scientist, I thought, put it really great.

It's not rocket science to eat a healthy, balanced diet or something like that. Being like, stop trying to poop your way into a body that you like. Stop trying to poop your way to skinny. It's just not a thing. Oh, please. Poop yourself to skinny. I really want to poop myself to skinny.

Look, I love pooping. Me too. But you can't poop yourself skinny. That's a fact. That is a fact. And I am a scientist. Now, I talk a lot about my acting degree, but very little about my science degree.

I didn't want to bring it up. I didn't want to make you feel intimidated. Are you acting that you have a science degree? You wouldn't know because of the acting degree. Because of the acting degree. It's so strong. It's that good. We're caught in a paradox.

You are. You'll never know. We'll never escape. My name's not even Hayley. You fools. Whoa. She's good. I know. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Now, these stats are out of America. 21% of school kids leave their school lunch uneaten. Really? And apparently parents will eat it as leftovers. Yeah, I always eat it as leftovers Because the girls get home and they'll eat The fun stuff that they want to eat The chips and the muffin or whatever's in there

So nothing healthy And then be too full when it gets to dinner But then like an hour later be like I'm hungry again We never had like muesli bars or like chips It was always like fruit, like apples I think I may have been muesli bar territory. Box of raisins.

Box of raisins. Oh yeah, we had boxes of raisins. And then you make a whistle out of it. And you make a whistle out of it by squeezing the box. So there was always like that motivation to eat the raisins because then you've got a whistle. Yeah. But I'll eat all the like fruit and stuff

because it just sits there. Yeah. Yeah. Drives me nuts. It drives me nuts. It drives me nuts. When I was down in Wellington last weekend and I was hanging out with my best friend and her two kids, we had a movie night and we're like, let's go get all these snacks. We're like, any junk food, we can have it.

And her son chose roll-ups. And I was like, why? And he was like, because you said any snack and we're not allowed roll-ups in our lunch. And neither was I. Roll-ups and yonks. Fruit for y snack And we're not allowed roll-ups in our lunch And neither was I Roll-ups and yonks Fruit for yonks Fruit for yonks Fruit for yonks was the long tape

Roll-ups were the shit Never had less snacks Nah, never had less snacks They were always the posh people Yeah, that's right, they were You had less snacks We had less snacks Of course you did

We had tiny titties and dungaroos You know, the kangaroos We didn't have anything that came in a packet, basically. Yeah, same. Anything that was individually wrapped, it wasn't here. Because we didn't go to private school. No, I'm talking about when I went to just regular rego primary school. I mean, the writing was on the wall that this was a primary school kid

that was heading to a private school. Oh, I was destined to head to a... The writing was on the wall. The other kids are like, oh, whoa, into an apple. I remember... And it was the 80s when I was at to get to it the other kids are like oh whoa into an apple I remember and it was the 80s when I was at

primary school late 80s early 90s so there wasn't the wide variety of apple choices we have now it was just red or green

it was red or green it was red delicious gala or granny smith it was always gala you used to get big bags of them yeah yeah yeah

or braeburn I'm just like the ones with the malty skin yeah that came in a littleeburn. I'm just like the ones with the malty skin. Oh, yeah, Braeburn. Yeah, yuck. Yeah. That came in a little bit later on.

Because I feel like at school, because I was the same, like I didn't eat at all, especially if my mum made me an embarrassing egg sandwich. Oh, man, I would have killed for an egg sandwich. I would have eaten an egg sandwich. Oh, my God. She would like mash it, boil the eggs and mash it up with mayonnaise. Oh, Betsy.

Salt and pepper, a little bit of chives. Yeah. What a bitch. But it was stuck. What a bitch making a delicious, all I imagined was egg on a sandwich. You had chives. Oh, I'm talking. Mustard.

Beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, lovely. No, but when you'd make an egg sandwich and you'd open up your lunchbox, you'd be like, shame. But you'd always have stuff left over because playtime was like, we've got to go play. So you'd just quickly eat whatever you first wanted and then go run around and play and then be starving afterwards.

Which is when I'd be served my platter. My kids eat at the end of lunchtime. What? Isn't that weird? They end, I'm sure they eat at the end of the play bit. I always eat first. I always eat first. Yeah.

Then run it off. Yeah. To fuel the playtime. Get stitched. Oh, wow. You've got weird kids. Yeah, I've got weird kids. Get stitch. Oh, wow. You've got weird kids. Yeah, I've got weird kids. Have you got weird kids?

They've got a weird old setup for lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, 100%. That stat even seems a little bit light, to be honest. You think it's more? Yeah. Just not eating their lunches. Basically, anything healthy is left over.

Yeah. 21% of the lunchbox is healthy. Apples, yamilans. Oh, yeah. Raisins. Yeah. Play ZM's lunchbox is healthy. Apples, mandarins. Yeah, raisins. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

We were just talking about the fact that the lotto jackpotting to super high amounts has happened lots recently. So the last must win was 50 million on the 8th of June.

That was won by seven players. That was the one that was divided by seven. That's right. And everyone got seven point something million dollars. And it won by seven players. That was the one that was divided by seven. That's right. And everyone got seven point something million dollars. And it's creeping up there. Tonight's lotto, and people are going nuts. Just remember you only need one ticket to win.

$38 million tonight. Yeah. That'd be good. And we've been doing this thing for a while that if we win, we've been promising we'll give each other a million dollars. Yeah. No, it's 1.5.

We've upped it. So it's gone. And when it gets to 40, it becomes 2 million. Okay, yeah. We're upping, we're upping. We only do it when it goes big. If it's only a mere 19 million, you ain't seen a dime from me, boys. Okay.

You'll just disappear from work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My apologies. It's been a wild ride. I've had a lovely time. I thought it was 19. I thought we were still doing a million. Yeah, probably. Anything over 15.. It's been a wild ride. I've had a lovely time. I thought it was 19. I thought we were still doing a million. Yeah, probably.

Anything over 15. Well, we need to put this into paperwork. Yeah, we need to draw out a contract. Yeah, I think we do. It's getting serious. Anyway, so with this big Wednesday happening tonight, and I guess Saturday if it doesn't go, one Kiwi has started a Reddit thread of

what is the mundane thing you're first going to buy if you win this lotto? So not like a fancy European sports car. It's like new pegs. You trip to Europe, pay off your mortgage and get a fancy car. Oh my god, I don't even have a

washing line. You could get a washing line. Yeah, get one of those. Oh my god, you could get someone to do your washing. Do you think washing line. I mean. You could get a washing line. Yeah, get one of those. You could get someone to do your washing. Do you think washing line technology has evolved to the point where it's got a remote control and you push a button and it unfolds itself and goes up. You hang your washing and then it takes itself up a couple of feet. Oh my god, that'd be nice.

That'd be nice. And then lightly gyrates. Yeah, spins around. We get a bit of air moving. How high does it go? Up into the jet stream a little bit. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just out of the way of the lawnmower. Okay. Oh, yes, you're not flicking up grass.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, oh, there's got to be, okay, so then if it senses that it's going to rain, out of the top of that comes a big umbrella. Oh, my God. Great idea. Like a gazebo.

Oh, my God. Great idea. And then, and on the umbrella is small little heating panels as well. So it's like warm and heat. Stunning stuff. So that's you. You're getting a fancy washer and dryer. Just put it in the dryer.

No, it's not the same. It's not the same. It's not the same. I'll have a kiss of five minutes after being on the line. Great to get a stain out too, the sunlight. Is that? Yeah. I look forward to the sunlight returning this summer, hopefully.

Oh, yeah, frosty this morning. Right. Okay, so people have responded in droves. Here's some of the mundane things that Kiwis want to spend their lotto winnings on when they all in their brain win tonight. Matching wooden Kmart coat hangers. Oh, yeah. Because it's fancy when you've got a wardrobe with matching hangers.

I've got all black plastic. I've got all black plastic. I've got all black velvet. It's not fancy. All black velvet. Pause for applause. Wow, the Alana Miles wardrobe. Yeah, that's right. No, but it's like Kmart velvet.

Oh, 100%. They're like 20 cents each. Yeah, I mean, you just won $38 million, but there's no need to be stupid and buy your coat hangers from anywhere else. No, no, no, no, no, no. Kmart still has the best. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. No, no, no, no, no, no. Kmart still has the best. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, someone said, I really want to buy some nice, fancy A4 paper for the printer. You know sometimes when you get something printed at like, warehouse station, it comes out thick. It's almost got a grit to it. You're like, far apart. It's like when the teacher would let you use the good cartridge paper.

Oh yeah, that was good. It's good paper. It was a thick paper. It was a good day. It was a good day. Thick grams per... What is it, grams per metre? GSM. Yeah, grams per square metres. A lot of people saying I would replace all of my socks and undies. And someone said I would get a hundred of one kind of nice sock,

never have to try to find a matching pair again. They just all match. This is what I do. I buy all my... That's what I do with socks too. I do bulk undies and bulk socks and then you replace them once every couple of years or whenever.

Yeah, nice. Someone said some lovely warm merino clothes will do. It's bloody frosty out there. Someone said matching well-fitted bras and undies. Now, I never wear matching, but God, when you do, you feel holier than thou. You feel better than everyone. You're like, oh my God, a bus

hit me today. Because boy oh boy, when they get my body and scrape it off the road, they're going to think the world of me. The first thing they'll say on the autopsy table is matching bra and undies. There's a woman who planned ahead. A lot of people, and when I saw this, I was like, oh my God. People are like,

I would go to the dentist and just get it all sorted. Be like, what's that? Fix it all. But someone said full body MRI scans, tests and everything. What? No. Have a look inside. Do me meal by meal, baby. This is what celebrities are doing.

They're getting preventative MRIs and full scans. You don't want to know. Yes, you do. No, you want to know early. I'd say if it's early, tell don't want to know. Yes, you do. No, you don't. You want to know early. I'd say if it's early, tell me. If I'm riddled, just say, ah, looks all good. Okay. But I got an MRI on my spine for a knee thing.

And they were like, it's just precautionary. And then you get to have a look at your spine. Now I know that my spine is superior. Did they look at everything while they were in there? Nah. What'd they say about? Oh, they were like, that's a mess. Okay.

That needs attention. Right. Okay. Someone said they'll do a full overhaul of their bed linen and towels. Oh, yeah. We're talking fresh sheets. We're talking nice. I just want all new towels.

Like, all matching. Yeah, that's what they said. All everything. Replacement towels. Get some real nice Sheridans on Farmer's Special. Do you know what I might splash out on? New plates. Holy.

Wow. That's saying something. How long until they're chipped? Yeah. We're very rough with plates. Do you know what I love though? It's in this thread, people are like, man, I'd go to Briscoe's. We're not suddenly going to Royal Delta.

No, no, no, no. Crown Lynn. No. We're just like, go to Briscoe's. We're not suddenly going to Royal Delta. Oh, no, no, no, no. Crown Lynn. No. We're just like, go to Briscoe's. Great lights. But only... Well, tomorrow the sale will start. Yeah.

Someone say, dare to dream, I'm moving up to a four-ply toilet paper. Four-ply? I haven't even seen four-ply. It's too thick. Might as well wipe it with a flannel. Or some cartridge paper. New furniture. I'd get someone to maintain my lawn

I would get my dishwasher repaired I would have multiple cell phone charges Around the house I would get fresh vegetables instead of frozen I'd finally get those lights That run off Alexa Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice Alexa, go to bed

Alexa, lights, and lights off Those are so expensive Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Alexa. Go to bed. Alexa, lights. I know. And lights off. Yeah. Because those are so expensive. Yeah, they are. So expensive. Someone's going to win, how much did you say? 38 million? Yeah.

They said, first thing I'm buying, double quarter pounder with cheese. Simple. It's so good. It's such a humble list of things. They could have bought a double quarter pounder with cheese with the money that they're spending on that lottery ticket. Shut up. That's not the fun of the game.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Smith and Coie. I didn't like that. Smith and Coie.

I just read again about that tadpole with the chair seats, and that's the sound I'd imagine that makes when you drink it. As it's going down, yeah. Very floppy. Smith & Coie is not set to shut entirely, but to be downsized instead. Sign of the times, isn't it? Yeah, it is a sign of the times. Lots of places shutting down.

So the new market one's shutting. Yeah, but that one's, to be fair, that one's gone smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. The new market one's shutting. Yeah, but that one's, to be fair, that one's gone smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. The new market one. It's just a foot big now, is it? It is. Literally, you walk in and it's one at a time.

Yeah. And there's four items of clothing. It's a cupboard. Yeah, it's a cupboard. It's not, but yeah. It's got a hot water cylinder in it. Because initially what said that next year would be the last year on Queen Street. End of this year was going to be the last. Yeah, it's got a hot water cylinder in it. Because initially what said that at the, what next year would be the last year on Queen Street. End of this year was going to be the last. Yeah, right.

The closing time. And now it's just going to be on the ground floor where it's going to be a smaller space. A downsized space. Okay. And of course that means Christmas will have to be downsized as well. Oh, I hope not. They do a massive Christmas display.

Yeah, they do. They're just famous. It's like Santa's. That's so good. That was where you'd always take the girls for a Santa's photo, wouldn't you? Okay. We were the same with Cacoldian Stains, the Wellington version. Yeah.

Now it's all David Jones. Australia. David Jones, Australia. Australia. Does he do a good Santa? I don't know. I don't really care anymore. I'm a grown woman.

With no children. What do I care about Christmas? Top six signs you're viewing a downsized Smith & Co Christmas display. Okay. Number six, when you ask Santa for your gifts, he tells you to manage your expectations. Oh, dear. Oh, no.

That sounds great. Not this year, Santa. I want... He looks at mum And or dad And Or mum or mum Or dad or dad And goes

Oh really That And the parents Are shaking their head Maybe we manage Our expectations Yeah Number five on the list

Of the top six signs You're viewing A downsized Smith & Co Christmas display One elf And he's also Busking on Queen Street Yeah Because nobody else In there is just Popping out Chucking the hat down He's exhausted Smith & Co Christmas display. One elf. And he's also busking on Queen Street.

If there's nobody else in there, he's just popping out, chucking the hat down. He's exhausted. Oh, burning the candle at all ends. Number four on the list of the top six signs you're viewing a downsized Smith & Co Christmas display. The little mice, the little animatronic mice. They're actually real mice this year. Oh, are they?

Yeah, they're working for free board upstairs in the empty levels. Oh, yeah, fair enough. Yeah. And they'll just kind of eat whatever they can find up there. Maybe some insulation. Yeah. Old biscuits.

Yeah, old bickies. Left behind. Number three on the list of the top six signs you're viewing a downside Smith & Co Christmas. They never actually say the word Christmas because they don't want to have to pay the church royalties. Festive greetings,

happy holidays. Festive royalties. Yeah, they don't want the Christians coming for them for their slice of the pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jolly Crimbo. Kind of, they invented it

so they won. Festive season. Happy festive season. City season's greetings. Yes. Number two on the list of the top six songs you're viewing a downsized

Christmas display at Smith & Coie's. There's two reindeer. They're inside a cage. They look a lot like stray dogs with horns and they're attacking each other. Okay. Mary Holidays. Sure they're not dogs?

They might. Well, they look like stray dogs. Yeah. Yeah, okay. But no word says reindeer. Don't want to spoil the illusion. There's no money for reindeer this year. Yeah.

Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six signs you're viewing a Downside Smith & Co Christmas display are Santa's skinny, your sumer's epic, and he's also working the perfume counter. Oh, okay, so like kind of doubling up there. Doubling, dipping between them.

Ho, ho, ho. Santa's makeup looks amazing though. I bet it does. And he smells divine. Divine. He's probably into all the Tom Ford. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Easy on the Tom Ford.

That's a half a squirt perfume. That's a half a squirt. That's the next up, sis. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. If you feel like you're turning into your parents, you are not alone, my friends. 37% of people worry about it

38% of people actively try to avoid adopting their parents traits A quarter of people are saying they don't mind because if they were turning into their parents it wouldn't be the worst thing I'm a mixed bag of I like that and I see that in myself that's my dad or my mum

and then other times you're like I see that in myself that's my dad or my mum and And then other times you're like, I see that in myself, that's my dad or my mum. And it's bad. I've been tuning into my mum for a long time. Also just like tone, not even just like beliefs or words, but tone sometimes. Oh yeah. Like what do you mean? Like when I'm nagging

people. You can hear your mum. I can hear my mum as well. And she's the same. Like I'll constantly hear my mum saying, oh my god, I can hear my mum as well. Yeah. And she's the same. Like, I'll constantly hear my mum saying, oh, my God, I sound like my mother. And my mum's like 64 years old. I think it's just a continual decline from now until we die.

Do you reckon? Until you morph into them. Because I used to be very much a Craig Sproul. I was very much like my dad. Yeah. And then as I get older and older and I become more of a woman. I'm impatient like my dad. Just like, come on, let's go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know you got that from your mum. Yeah, a bit too, yeah. God, your house must have been in a rush when you were there. Everybody's in such a rush. Everyone's in a rush. You've got to get things done, Bourne. You've got to get things done.

You're walking along with the Fletcher family. Just walk fast, man. One thing I wish I was more like my mum, she never forgets if she, like, she'll say, hey, next time you're coming down, can you bring that container? And I'm like, yep, and then forget. As if. She never forgets anything like that.

She's a good person. You don't have that? I don't have that. But your dad wouldn't forget the container? Dad wouldn't forget the container. No, because Christine

would tell him not to forget the container. He'd probably put the container in the ute four days before he was leaving. Yeah. He plans ahead.

I wish I had a bit more of that too. But, hey, can't have it all. God, you are just useless, aren't you? Your parents must just be like, where did he get

this from? What's going on here? I think that I used to say that I was more like my dad because my dad was like the jovial, you know, clown, sort of silly, fun party boy. Was your dad the, not to say your mum wasn't the fun parent growing up, but was your dad the lenient? Yes, yeah.

But softer? Yeah. Right. Go talk to your mother was like. Oh, no, see, that was the other way around with us. No, my dad could not discipline to try himself. Oh, yeah. Was he?

He just wanted to have fun. Oh, no. You turned out like you did. Yeah, complete brat. You're a rat bag. Yeah. But I think that I was always like, oh, I'm so like my dad because of that. Because I'm so fun and carefree.

And I'm like, I'm not. I'm very much like my mum. Get a bit highly strung. Yeah. Try to be quite efficient. Like to organise things. And then like a dash of chaos. I mean, it's all happening, right?

I mean, of course it is. That's who raised us. There are worse people to become. Yeah. I was going to say Hitler. It was on the tip of my tongue and then I thought, maybe I won't say Hitler. Unless you are Hitler's child,

then you should try not to become your father because... Oh, you would actively try. Spoiler alert, he's a piece of shit. Yeah, spoiler alert. Bit of a dick. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We've had a few of these now and she still doesn't have a jingle because she doesn't get a jingle for Shannon's hacks until she gets

five stars max for Shannon's hacks. Now Shannon, I was away last Monday I believe which was your last hack. Yes. Which received a resounding zero. What was it again? That's how un-unwhelming. I didn't save it as a core memory.

I didn't retain it. It was to scream happy birthday at your newborn every day for a year so it wouldn't cry on its first birthday. Now I've got that. Yeah, I'm going to have to forget that again. So, look, there's a bit of a mountain ahead of you to climb to redeem yourself. You have a dating hack.

Yeah, because, you know, when you go on a first date, you really want to... I don't know. It's been so long. Well, maybe we could go on a first date. Oh, my God. Shannon's flirting so long. Well, maybe we could go on a first date. Oh, my God. Shannon's flirting with me, guys. What do I do?

Appropriate workplace behaviour. Oh, my God. Do I report her? Straight to HR. Okay, carry on, Shannon. Okay. Well, so when you go on a first date, you're trying to impress them,

trying to put your best foot forward. You want them to think you're charismatic and smart. You know, that's really important. So one of the most popular first dates at the moment is escape rooms. I know you guys don't most popular first dates at the moment is escape rooms. I know you guys don't like them. I do, I love escape rooms. I've never done one.

I love escape rooms. I feel like you'd hate it. As an anxious person who just wants to sit at a bar and have a drink. There's not enough margaritas in an escape room for you. They're so fun and one thing is you want to look smart. So what you do for this hack

is before you plan your first date, you go to this escape room and you do it by yourself and you learn all the codes, you figure out all the puzzles and then you take this person there maybe the next week and you're like super smart.

You're onto it. You're figuring everything out and they fall in love with you. Hang on, what about, he said something. Yeah. Lift up that box and have a look underneath.

Yeah. Oh my God, you're so smart, Hayley. I reckon the combinations is definitely seven, two, three and they're like, you're so right. No, you couldn't just jump in there. You can't,

they close the door and you're like seven, two, six, nine. No, you still solve the puzzles but you've got like a front foot in it. And they're just so impressed. And they ask you out on a second date. You get married. You have kids.

You get a better job. And then one day you take your kids back there and on the wall are the photos of everyone that's completed the escape room. And you look and you see that's our first date. And then one row below it, you see the person who'd done it by themselves. And you realise your whole relationship was built by themselves. Well, maybe you...

And you realise your whole relationship was built on a lie. What if you wore a disguise the first time you went? So when they posted on Facebook. Stick on a moustache. Yeah. So you want to start this whole relationship and future based on a lie. Not a lie. Just like your fake best foot forward.

Do you know what? Because you still have to work out the puzzles the time before. So it's not like you're cheating. You're just ahead. Giving yourself a step up. Yeah. This isn't a bad hack. I think it's a terrible first date.

No, it's a fun first date. Your personal taste is fine. Somebody was like, let's go to an escape room. I think it's too intense for a first date. It's too intense. Well, it's not intense if you know all the answers. No, someone's coming in from a gendered point of view.

I reckon most men would hate that they couldn't work out the escape room before their date. Oh, well then they're not the man for me. Yeah, I think,

don't be so insecure. Yeah, if I'm a smart woman. They would hate losing. But you're not losing, you're working together to solve the escape room. Also, Shannon, you're assuming

the first time you went to the escape room you could get out. No, she just found the walk working together to solve the escape room. Also, Shannon, you're assuming the first time you went to the escape room, you could get out. No, she just found the walkie-talkie the whole time. I need another clue. Yeah. Once I did an escape room and I got real tired and I sat on the ground for a bit

and then I saw from my eyeline a clue and I got us out. Purely because I got tired. It was perfect. I don't think this is a bad hack. I'm going to give it two. I'm giving it two. Two's pretty good. We're up from zero.

Okay. I'm going to give it two and a half. Yeah. Mostly because one, they're not cheap, are they? Escape rooms. So you're already going, you're double spending. It would be wild to go to an escape room by yourself. Yeah, that's embarrassing.

Maybe you could take a friend. Yeah, but then you're bringing someone into your lie. What if they're giving the speech on your wedding day to this person and the whole time in your heart you're like, she's going to say. You're running the risk of going back to the escape room and the person says, oh, you're back. No, I would tell them.

You shut your mouth. I'm bringing someone back on a date and I need all the answers. I need to look sly. I look good. Yeah, they could say I'm bringing someone back on a date and I need all the answers. I need to look sly. I look good. Yeah, they could say, oh my God, you're back. Oh no, you don't want to do the escape room

you've already done. That would be a mess. Yeah, yeah. Why are you doing the same one, girl? Yeah. I'm 2.6 actually. I've raised my score. 2.6.

Why'd you go up a point? Stars out of five. Because I think, actually I'm comparing it to previous Shannon's hacks. Right. Which honestly. Have been atrocious. Yeah previous Shannon's hacks. Right. Which honestly. Have been atrocious. Yeah.

It's just been terrible. I'd go two, just because I like escape rooms. Okay. Yay. You're on the rise, Shannon. I reckon we'll give an average of what, 2.3 for that hack? 2.3. Yay.

Thank you. She's on her way. It would be less than 2.3. Look at our baby bird fly. It would be less than 2.3. This is why you suck at escape rooms. You couldn't even look at the average of 2, 2, than 2.3. Look at our baby bird fly. It'll be less than 2.3. This is why you suck at escape rooms. You couldn't even work out the average of 2, 2 and 2.6. Because we're being margaritas at the bar across the road.

It was episode one of season five of Taskmaster, starring yours truly last night. Lots of laughs in our house when we watched it. Great stuff. I went to bed. Yeah, that's good. But I'm always good to support your friends. I'm watching it TVNZ On Demand, or whatever they call it. Plus. Plus. I went to bed. Yeah, that's good. But I'm always good to support your friends. I'm watching it

TVNZ On Demand or whatever they call it. Plus. Plus. TVNZ Plus. So that's the digital that you're contributing to the digital ratings.

Yes. Versus the traditional terrestrial broadcast. Yeah, great. Which doesn't actually help a show like that survive but it's great. Now,

it was brought to my attention. I had some lovely messages on Instagram from people saying they were watching and whatnot. And, uh, one of my followers who I can assume her name is Lauren cause it's, uh, Loz. Oh, yep. Okay. Now shout out to Loz who has brought to my attention that something I was disappointed

didn't exist now exists. Can I just send it to the group chat? I made comment a while ago that no one had written erotic fan fiction about me. Oh, my God. Okay. And now. Oh, no, Hayley, I've just read the tags. Because we spoke about this with Taskmaster Jeremy Wales.

He said that some of the fans. Get so carried away. Get so carried away that they write the fan fiction. They write fan fiction. They do artwork of you. And someone has written a fan thing. This is hot off the press. This is a 697 word,

so short story, erotic fiction. Yeah. It's got so far on this website, one kudos, 15 hits. Yeah. Anonymous.

It comes with tags. Don't read them. Character tags, Hayley Sproul, Jeremy Wells. So that sounds like a little one-on-one. And the additional tags, which give you the sort of trigger warnings of what could be in this. Yeah. So it's called, the name of the short story, the fan fiction,

is called The Audition. You're playing romantic music. There is nothing romantic about this. Now, I will read some of what it is that says this person. Okay, Vaughn's on the floor. So I'll see how I can go. I don't want the listeners to miss out. I feel we should link to this.

Oh, you can't. On our story. I feel we should link to this. Oh, with a big... Trigger warning. Big not for everybody. Okay, the opening sentences are... I say this with respect.

Every time I catch a word and then I'm like, oh, okay, that's a dirty word. And then I read the sentence, it makes me feel a little giddy. I say this with love and respect to Jeremy Wells. He had nothing to do with writing this. Nor is this the process of how I obtained the job on Taskmaster. It's called the audition. It starts, it starts.

Listen, Hayley, Jeremy said, interrupting her audition. If you really want to be on Taskmaster, you're going to have to do more than just read lines. You're going to have to prove that you're willing to go the extra mile. Hayley had heard rumours about the show's host demanding favours from the contestants, but she had never believed them. Now here she was, faced with the possibility of having to sleep with Jeremy Woods

to earn her spot on the show. Oh, you'd be absolutely upset about that. I want to know how Ben Hurley got his spot on the show then. Devastated. What do you mean, Hayley asked, trying to keep her voice steady? Jeremy leaned back in his chair and smiled. I mean that if you want to be on Taskmaster, you're going to have to perform for me. And I don't just mean, I mean full on.

Hayley's eyes widened in shock. This really paints Jeremy as some sort of predator. Yeah. She'd never even considered having before, let alone with someone she's just met. His commanding presence, da-da-da-da. It talks about her heart racing as Jeremy stood up and began undressing. She'd always been attracted to tall, serious

men and Jeremy fit the bill perfectly. His muscular body was lean and toned. His mmm, mmm, mmm. Jeremy approached Hayley, his eyes dark with desire. Take off your clothes, he commanded. It goes on and on.

It does go on, doesn't it? It ends, Hayley looked up at him, her eyes shining with gratitude. Thank you, she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Jeremy smiled down at her. No, thank you. That was incredible.

Hayley grinned, felt more confident and empowered than she had in years. She'd just proven that she was willing to do whatever it takes to achieve her dreams. Even if it meant submitting to the demands of a dominant man as she walked out of the audition room, her body still tingling

with pleasure she knew she had just earned her spot on Taskmaster New Zealand well be careful what you wish for because you just literally said days ago

there's no fan fiction about me no guys I can't believe after all these years no one's written any fan fiction about me and now they have and it's quite weird

it's full on Fletch is yet to see the details of what Jeremy Wells and this Haley Sproul creature got up to. We'll share that off air. But thank you to this anonymous author who wrote this. And if you didn't catch last night's first

episode of Taskmaster. It's on again tonight. Yeah, on again tonight and you can catch up TVNZ Plus as well. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Haley. Yeah, on again tonight, and you can catch up TVNZ Plus as well. Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Today's Silly Little Pole. What's hotter, skiing or snowboarding? Why do we talk about this? I think I, did I say, I said something, eh?

And then I was like, snowboarding's definitely hotter. Because I think it's one because I've tried both. I'm not a skier. I'm not a snow person. Yep. But skiing, you can kind of get that hang of

slowly but surely. Snowboarding is one of the most near impossible things I've ever attempted. Shannon said we were theorising about what Jason Momoa did in the snow

at Queenstown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. But he'd definitely be a snowboarder. He'd be a snowboarder. He's got his shirt off. He's got his shirt off

on socials today. That's not in Queenstown though. That's a pre-recorded piece. It is pre-recorded. It looks like Hawaii. But sorry. That went into the microphone. So what I've got here is the percentage between skiing and snowboarding.

Zero feedback. We're currently locked out of our Instagram account. Have we been hacked? Do we just Haley need to send nude photos again to that person? No, that's the problem. It was the nipples. There was too many nipples on our Instagram. Oh, my God.

We were going to do a rank the show nipples. Yeah, we were. Where was I going to see? I had to send it to the Instagram to get it up. I had to tag the Instagram. Yeah, unfortunately. It's unfortunate. Yeah, we've been locked out because of your nipples.

This is gender politics. It's ridiculous. 86% of people said snowboarding was hotter than skiing. That's the biggest one-sided poll. Skiing's definitely made a comeback, though. Skiing used to be like rich nerds. Yeah, rich nerds. Old white nerds.

What about some big Nordic man, Hayley, doing the ski jump at the Olympics? But even those little dero freestyle skiers. It's pretty rad. They're pretty athletic and pretty acrobatic. Yeah, definitely. I mean, they're both great sports. But if I was to go hotness alone, if I'm on the slopes, I'm going snowboarding. It's cooler.

Also, they take all their gear off and then they've been hiding a minger all along. I know, and they're so like, oh, they're like skinny and you're like, oh my God, you looked massive before. What happened? Can you snowboard, Vaughn? Yes. Wow.

Hot. You just got so much hotter. And you're wearing a high-vis. Nobody keeps... By the way, I've been sent some more high-vis. I'm loving this influx of high-vis. Oh, God. Vaughn keeps breaking his wrists, though.

He's very fragile. My wrist. No, but when did you get pulled off the mountain on the... Oh, how embarrassing. On the snow ambulance. Oh, no, that was... I just smashed my face into the ground. Couldn't see anything for a second.

But it's snow. It was icy. It's soft. It was icy. It's literally like a cloud. I'm going to ride down in the ski patrol. It's snow. Hello.

Fletch, do you eat hot chocolates? I eat hot chocolate and do chips in the cafe. That's where I'm at. We're having mulled wine. Yeah, exactly. We're having mulled wine. Maybe we'll take a ride on the cheer lift. Yeah, we go just around and around and then we get a mulled wine.

No, the best mulled wine, the best treat is the one that you've earned. There's a saying here. We've earned it. We drove up that treacherous hill. We put the chains on the wheels. At Kadrona, you go out west to Captain's. Oh, yeah. And there's a little cafe out there and you can have a couple of beers out there.

Yeah, honey, and I know. We've been. We've been there. We've been. How'd you get out there? You've got a snowboard out there. Oh, and a snowmobile. Yeah, we hopped on the back of a handsome man's snowmobile.

That's a hot vehicle. Snowmobile's hot. We should rank hot vehicles to ride, to drive. Oh, yeah. Jet skis. No. No jet skis. How embarrassing.

How embarrassing for you. Yeah. I think it's weird because a snowmobile I think is hot, but maybe because of its rarity. Yeah. But a jet ski, which is technically just a snowmobile on the water. What about a forklift? Okay, we'll see you on Friday.

Okay, let's do this on Friday. Let's do this for final rangers. When you say I can control a forklift, it's ballet. I'm going to put out there for Friday one of those Italian speedboats, you know, that James Bond wouldn't. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And they're standing. They're standing as they drive one hand On the wheel

Sexy Our girl Sabrina Carpenter Drives one in one of her Music videos Yeah Does she Yeah and it's exactly The boat you're picturing

Maybe Are you picturing Quite a long one Long but skinny Not a yacht Not a full yacht No no no Motorboat

It's a motorboat Marine Marine varnished wood Yeah Classy That's how they sound It's the motor I don't want a boat I've never had any interest Marine Marine varnished wood Yeah That's how they sound That's the motor I don't want a boat I've never had any interest

In fact tonight When I win Lotto 30 We'll have a mini million 38 I wouldn't buy a boat Neither Too much admin

Higher one I'm definitely buying a snowmobile though You're getting a snowmobile Sorry man We live in Auckland And a snow cannon For my apartment Yeah

Oh my god Just so I can do laps Around my couch On my snowmobile Oh my, man, we live in Auckland. And a snow cannon for my apartment. Yeah. Oh my God, fun. Just so I can do laps around my couch on my snowmobile. Oh my God, I can't wait for Friday to rank hottest vehicles to drive.

Yeah, that's good. I'm excited about that. Long taste for us. No feedback for Siddhalil Pol today, but overwhelming. Snowboard is hotter. Yeah.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Now, to lesbian news now, and I'll take charge of this is hotter. Yeah. Now, to lesbian news now, and I'll take charge of this as someone who has but doesn't full time. As a pillar of the lesbian community,

I am more than willing to listen to me. Oh, because I get right amongst it. All right. Get in there. So, some lesbians?

It feels quite strange. A couple. Not lesbians, it feels quite strange. A couple. Not lesbians. The gays have chimed in. A lesbian couple have done a Q&A online. Like a big ask me anything, ask us anything. A big ask us lesbians anything. And people just inundated them with questions

that they've always wanted to ask a same-sex female couple. But you've got that anonymity of the keyboard and the screen. Exactly. So you can just ask anything. Where does it, how does it, what do we, who is the... They've got kids. Do you? They've got kids.

There'll be some questions about that. My thing is always... Who drives? Do you mix it up? Who drives? No, but we mix it up. Are you the driver? Always. I hate... I you the driver? Always.

I hate, I'm the driver. I would have thought you, I would assume you'd always be the driver. I really have to be like, I'm not in the mood to drive today. Oh my God, I'm not a passenger princess. I cannot. I hate it.

It's so bad at driving. Honestly. I'm constantly told how bad I am at driving, yet Sade won't step up and drive. Step up. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, one of the questions is always like,

do you share clothes? Oh, yeah, they would. Because I'm always like, imagine if my wardrobe got doubled. If they were the same size. Same size. You would love to date a lesbian. Yeah. What, because, oh, great boots.

Swan dries. I think we'd share. If I was dating a lesbian. I know. We would have. Our wardrobe would be exclusively, one large, happy communal wardrobe. Yeah. Hivers.

Gorgeous. Boots. Wanted to start tuning up in checkered shirts. Pants with pockets. Checkered flannel shirts. Yeah. Heck yeah. Yeah, good stuff.

Now, so basically. The ute would have a ute. Well, you'd have a ute, yeah. Boy, you'd have a ute. Well, you've got a ute.ute would have a ute. Well, you'd have a ute, yeah. Boy, you'd have a ute. Well, you've got a ute. I've got a ute. Our dear friend, Ursula Carlson, probably our most famous lesbian friend.

She rocks the same ute as we've got. Lesbians love a ute. The BT50 is the lesbian ute of choice. It's not a dicky ute. It overtook the Navarra. It did, okay. Yeah, right. It's not a real, like, burly ute.

Lesbians won't go near a Ford Ranger. Because they've got respect for themselves. Because they do have respect for themselves. Okay, yeah, right. Now, basically what they did is they answered frequently asked questions about being lesbians, right? I want to know what are your FAQs? Regardless, maybe it's like you get questions always about your job or like

like Aaron always gets like what's it like to be so tall you know what I mean yeah do you have to duck through doorways do you have to buy custom pants like what are the questions that you always get maybe it's about your appearance or your lifestyle or your job your FAQs I love this that's what I want to know. Okay, 0800DARLSATM. Give us a call now. You can text through 9696. What are your FAQs, whether it's about your job? Yeah, lifestyle.

A hobby that you do? Your appearance. Yeah, maybe it's a really unique hobby. And shout out to the lesbian couple who are listening who we just described to the T. We know you. We've just heard. I've just heard from someone that's like,

Wait, they've got, what's he ute? BT-15. BT-15. And they're both in swandries and they're both wearing each other's clothes constantly and nice, sensible boots. See, that's why you'd be great with a lesbian. We are the lesbian's chosen station,

for good reason. Oh, 800. Lesbians should adopt me. You are. As some sort of... Someone says, us lesbians stand for our King Vaughan. King Vaughan, lesbian King Vaughan. Weird, okay.

Now, we're only getting messages in from lesbians so far. We're broadening it. This is an FAQ for everybody. What are the big FAQs, the big questions you always get, whether it's about your job, your hobby... Your appearance, your lifestyle, whatever. Well, good morning, everyone, and good morning to the lesbians listening. Boy, they're awake and they are with us.

So this is what got us onto your FAQs, because a lesbian couple did an Ask Us Anything. Yeah. And they got all the FAQs. About being gay and being a same-sex female couple. And then having kids. Having kids. Yeah, all the questions thats. About being gay and being a same-sex female couple. And then having kids. Having kids. All the questions that come with that. So we were asking you this morning, what are your FAQs? Whether it's your

lifestyle, your job, your appearance, your hobby. What do you always get asked? These are really good. These are some really good ones. Carlyn, good morning. What's your FAQ? Hi, I have a prosthetic really good ones. Carlin, good morning. What's your FAQ? Hi.

I have a prosthetic eye and I always get asked like, but you can see out of it. And I'm like, it's plastic. Of course not. Of course not. Of course you can't. I'm like, no.

Can I ask how you lost your eye? I put it, playing with a flathead screwdriver when I was 11. Oh, dear. I regret asking. Wait, wait, wait. She didn't finish her story. No, I don't think we need to know the rest.

Oh, my God. Colin. Did you fall or did what? Was it an accident? No, I was putting a hole into a Coke bottle and it slipped up and my eye took the eye repellent. Oh my God. Oh, wow.

You're a badass. I have a question and it's not, can you see out of it? But how far away, maybe you know, because if I had had that happen, I would be researching. How far away are they from a prosthetic eye that can see? Do you know? Basically, if you get your eye removed then there's no hope because it's not optic nerve right keep your eye and then when you get it refixed like usa they've got really cool bionic eyes and yeah that's the nerve but not new zealand

yeah we are i've got some questions can you take we're hitting her with the facts. Can you take it out? Yeah, and I take it out. I'm literally holding it in my hand. They're like, yeah, can you see out of it, though? I'm like... Yeah, you just, like, move it around like a camera. Yeah, like Carl from Real Monsters on Nickelodeon in the late 90s. The monster that held his eyes up.

Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, wow. It's a party trick. Yeah, it is a good party trick, actually. Wow. Okay, I get why people ask you this question. It's fascinating.

Did you get the eye to match your other one? Did you get it the exact same colour? Yes, because my artist, the guy who sits there and does it, he refuses to give me like a devil or creepy eye. Yeah. Can you order prosthetic eyes off T-Mill or AliExpress? No, they've got to be fitted to your

socket. I can't. It fits to your socket. It's not completely a ball. It's a concave. Yeah. It's in there. It's not a round ball like they used to be. Can you send us a video of you putting it in? Oh, wow. So many questions. So many questions.

So many questions. What a weird request. Yeah, I'm a weirdo with weird stuff going on in my head. Thank you for sharing, Colin. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for those FAQs. Wow. Megan, what's your FAQ?

Mine is, what's it like being an only child? Oh yeah Who did you play with? Yeah Like We had heaps of friends and stuff That my parents were kind of Quite keen on making sure that I

Was socialised Yeah So that was quite good But you always get that question Yeah or like Are you a brat? Always And it's like

Well I don't know What's it like having a brother or sister? Oh, yeah, true. And do they sometimes say, you don't act like an only child? Yeah. I think that would be...

Oh, you're so spoiled. Oh, you would get that. You're like, I didn't choose this one. I feel like it would be a compliment though if people said, you don't act like

an only child. Yeah, totally. I do definitely take that as a compliment. Also a compliment that your parents were just like, no, she's enough. Yeah, that's right. Nailed it. Exactly.

Megan, thank you. Jenna, what's the question you always get asked? Morning, guys. Long time listener, first time caller. Yay! Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome, Jenna, welcome. Thank you. So I'm a twin, and my sister and I always get asked,

what's it like to be a twin? And from the last call, I have no idea what else it would feel like to not be a twin. That's all you know. Yeah. Do you also get asked if you can read each other's minds and feel each other's pain? Yeah, yeah, 100%.

And funnily enough, like, when I was a kid, I think we were, like, primary school, I was in the house and my sister was out riding a bike with some friends. One of the girls, like, she fell off her bike and one of the girls ran over her arm. And I was in the house going, oh, my God, my arm is sore. And it closed her back. She was only armed.

It was like, oh, my God, Melissa's broken her arm. Twin telepathy. Twin tingles. Twin connect and visual. Are you guys, are you identical or no? No, we're fraternal. So we'll often get told, wow, you guys don't look like twins. They work in different ways.

Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, fascinating. Oh, Jenna, that's so fascinating. Thank you. Keep your texts coming in. 9696. So many. Oh, God, fascinating. Oh, Jenna, that's so fascinating. Thank you. Keep your texts coming in. 9696. So many. 0800 DALS at M.

The FAQs that you always get. Great news for Sabrina Carpenter fans. We've also got a little surprise. Yeah. It's called Carpentry with Sabrina. And she'll teach you how to make a spice rack. Just a nice wooden pencil case. That's not the surprise. Plus, we also have our one golden song in just minutes. We'll tell you how to make a spice rack, just a nice wooden pencil case. That's not the surprise.

Plus, we also have our one golden song in just minutes. We'll tell you the song. You've got to be listening out for it today to win $1,000 cash. We're talking FAQs. What About You draws a lot of questions, and the questions are all the same. Based on the fact that a lesbian couple have done a FAQ, which you simply must send me the link to.

Oh, they're gorgeous. As a pillar of the lesbian community. You have been. Shout out for a while to all my sisters. Far out. Okay, you've just lost that title. You had them. Call each other.

That's why the band was called that. I've got lots of tattoos. I constantly get asked, did all those tattoos hurt? Yeah, somebody messaged in with a throat tattoo. I always get asked, did that hurt? Of course it did. God, yes, of course it did. Yeah.

I'm only 43, but I always get asked about my grey hair. I think that's, you're in your 40s, grey's fine, right? It's people in their 20s that start going grey. You've got some questions. Oh, yeah, I knew some people in their 20s that had like a little patch. Yeah. I work in youth justice and every time there's a robbery by youths anywhere in the country,

I get, do you know them? No. I only work in the Hamilton area. So unless it's a ram raid in Chartwell, I probably won't know. I love, I'm a police officer. Have you ever tasered anyone? Have you ever shot anyone? Oh, I've asked those questions to police officers.

Of course you have. Yeah. Somebody said they were in the military. FAQ is, have you killed someone? Even those that have, I very much don't like being asked that. Fletch. Interesting.

I think you never asked. You did. You asked the guy. I remember there was either Navy SEAL and your first question was, have you killed someone? He's like, I don't really like answering it. He's got night vision goggles and can go underwater for ages.

Ask him what's the coolest thing he's seen through his night vision goggles. Don't ask him. Someone texted, I'm a fatty and a baker. And people always say, you must love your baking. Oh, no, don't say that. Never trust a skinny chef. Yeah, I wouldn't. Never, never, ever.

Hell yeah. Tash, what is your biggest FAQ? First of all, long-time listener, first time caller. Oh, so many this morning. We're on a twofer. We're on a twofer. Welcome, welcome. What's the big one you always get asked?

So I went to a rural high school where my mum was deputy principal, and everyone would be fascinated asking, are you allowed to swear at home or does she make you copy lines from the dictionary? It was always the teachers and principals' kids at schools that were the naughtiest. Yeah, 100% because they were rebellious. No, no they were never.

Were you a naughty, naughty little girl? I wasn't, but every time I went to a party, they would say, does your mum know you're here? I did always feel sorry for the kids that had parents that were teachers at the school, because they'd always get it a bit harder. You'd be like, Miss so-and-so is such a dick.

Sorry, I know it's your mum. Tash, thank you. Maddie, what's your FAQ? Hello. Well, I had scoliosis, and I had surgery that put some rods in my back to make me all straight and gay. Right. And everyone's first question to me when I tell them that is always,

do you get your rods out? Oh. My first question was, do you always beep in the metal detector at the airport? Yeah, I was going to say, do you have to carry something through the metal detector? That's a hot topic as well, but no, it actually doesn't go off. Oh. It's awesome. Wrong metal, eh?

But yet I've got to take my... Great way to smuggle a knife on board. Right, yeah. In your spine. I've got to take out my 120 gram toothpaste, but you've got big, giant, stabby metal rods in your back. It just doesn't seem fair. Because Maddie's not going to sit in the plane, surgically remove the rod, and then kill someone with it.

Maddie, I hate to do this, but do you get the metal rods removed? No, they're there for life. Are they in there forever? Yes, for life. Oh, wow. They must be like a titanium or something then, yeah? Yes, they are, yeah.

Rad! I have a friend who snapped his femur and he had to get a rod in there. And it was rose, right, lavender, left. And that's whether you've got a purple rod or a pink rod. Do you know what colour your rod is? I'm going to guess it's definitely just plain silver. Great.

The back's right up the middle sprout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Green. Wow, okay. Oh, that's fascinating. Yeah, that's fascinating. Wow, thank you for sharing. Some more messages. I always get asked if being a teacher puts me off having kids. Wow. Okay. Oh, that's fascinating. That is fascinating. Wow. Thank you for sharing. Some more messages.

I always get asked if being a teacher puts me off having kids. Yep. Or does it make me want to have them? She said, yeah, I do want to have my own, but it's always a pleasure to give back other people's children. I just won't be calling them Jaden. No. Oh, I hate so many names.

Lots of vets saying the most common question is, how do you handle putting animals down? How do you cope with it? They said that's a question we ask ourselves a lot. Someone said do you just get to sit around and stroke dogs and cats all day? I would because that's what I would do. I'd be like this cat is so cute. I can't believe people are still asking

redheads if the curtains match the drapes. Now come on. The curtains are the drapes. The carpets match the curtains. Oh sorry yeah. Do the curtain. Oh no someone said curtain matches the drapes. You curtains are the drapes. The carpets match the curtains. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Do the curtain. Oh, no. Someone said curtain matches the drapes. You've got curtains, drapes, and carpet.

Well, that's a warm hat. Good for you. It's 2024. It's 2024. You can have whatever you want. Got some underfloor insulation in there, too. That's a warm. My name is Adele.

I always get asked if I can sing. Not how it works. Oh, no. Stop that. Yeah. I've got really curly hair. I always get asked if it's natural or if I'm doing that to it. Yeah.

I'm a principal. I get asked if I'm keeping the kids in line and if I could give them the strap, would I? Oh. I'm a zookeeper. Do you get to cuddle monkeys all day long? It's actually very rare that we have contact with the animals. Most of them would eat us.

Yeah, I was going to say monkeys. Monkeys would rip your face off. I always get asked if my eyelashes are real. Oh yeah? Apparently it looks like I have extensions, but they're all natural. Oh, I bet you hate having to say that. Our friend Dr. Sean has messaged me. Can you look at my rash?

Oh, okay. Well, that feels targeted and pointed at Hayley Sproul. It does. Well, what use was all pointed at Hayley Sproul. It does. Well, what use was all that study if you're only going to work two days of the week? You know, you might as well use it. Tell your friends to bring it. Help your friends out. In his defence, he's doing two days traditional medicine, three days holistic crystals.

I know, but this eczema, I've still got going, even though he rubbed an amethyst over it. Yeah. And he was like, trust me, trust me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wean off the steroids. He gave me a Reiki the other day. I was like, what are you going to touch me? He was like, I am, spiritually.

Wind him up. All right, one minute away from eight, we've got our one golden song that could win you $1,000 next, and then we've got a little surprise. Play ZM's Fletch for the nightly. Play ZM. next and then we've got a little surprise. Okay, we have a little surprise. Now Hayley. Oh, what's happening? I don't know what's happening and you don't know what's happening

either. Are you doing a thing? Don't be mad at us. Why? We need you to put on this. Oh, for fuck's sake. We've got a blindfold for you. Is this why Shannon... Okay, Shannon messaged me privately and said,

Hey, Hon, we're filming some videos for socials. Do you want to put some makeup on? And I said, nah, babe, I'm raw-dogging it today. I don't give a shit. Why? What's happening? Put on the blindfold because we have a secret interview and a secret guest coming into the studio. But I, hang on.

Okay. Now, it's somebody that you've never interviewed before. Oh, no, guys. What if it's, no, what are you doing? Why? Who? This is. no, guys, what if it's, no, what are you doing? You know, I, do you know, why, who? This is, no, what is it? Hayley's been trying to, like, leave the studio to go and do stuff. I'm busting to wee.

What is, I was like, I already want to get a coffee. And we're like, no, stay, stay, you've got to stay. You've got to stay. Who is it? Stay right here. What kind of, like, what kind of, I'm trying to think of, like, what category of surprise it would be. Remember how you really liked puppies and cats? And you were like, I really, and then there was the band put on,

Cats and Dogs. Oh, no, I'll cry. In the building. Yeah. And, well, we've got a special exemption. Now, Vaughan, could you get the headphones there? Why would the kittens need headphones? Well, the kittens like to be able to hear.

Oh, if I take off this blindfold and there's not kittens in my hands, I'm going to be annoyed. I can hear the door opening. Okay. The door's opened. Grab a seat, yeah. If it's Jason Momoa holding a kitten, I'm just going to absolutely lose my mind. It's close.

What? Would you like to take your eye mask off? No, because now I don't know who's next to me and I don't know what's happening. Can you feel a presence? I don't know. I'm prepared. Okay, hang on.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are joined in studio by Stephen Adams. Good morning. Hello, hello. Good morning. Welcome Adams. Good morning. Hi, Stephen. Hello, hello. Good morning. Welcome. Morning, morning. Hi, Stephen.

Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Oh, my God. Hand shakes all around. Size of his hand, sorry. Dude, I've got to say, first off, this jacket you're wearing,

we're on the radio, so if people can't see it, we'll put it in the video, but this jacket rules. Thanks, mate. What's the story with it? No, just seeing it, it looks pretty dope. It's warm. Yes! I just saw it and it looked dope and it was warm. It's the best reason to buy a jacket.

Hi, Stephen. I don't mean to be full on, but I'm feeling full on. Yeah, I like you a lot, Stephen. I think you're a really cool guy. Okay, let's remain calm. Yeah, I'm being really calm. Remain calm. Now, a few reasons why you're back. Because how long have you been back in New Zealand for?

I got in this morning. Did you? Wow, just like that. And straight to see me. That's unbelievable. Dedication, honestly. Stephen, that means the world to me. It's not here to see you.

Only for you. Yeah, I know. I hope you don't know that I'm a Miami Heat girl because I'll just put that to the side. Miami Heat other than you. Okay, that's fair. Yeah. That's fair, we'll take it. So why are you back in New Zealand?

Other than to see me. Other than to see you, I'm doing my basketball camps. Oh yeah. So we've got three of them. So you do those in Dunedin, Porirua and Auckland? Yeah. Are those the three places? Yeah, that's the one. Which is the best region for basketball? It's hard to say because, I mean, there's talent. If you're going by talent, it's hard to choose.

There's always these small pockets and whatnot. But the camps that we're doing now, it's all about fun, just having fun, basketball. And we get good turnouts, good crowd, good families, good kids. So it's all fun. Because I went to a basketball camp when I was a kid. Yes, Stephen, I wet my pants at the camp. I didn't want to bring it up, but here we are.

Is that happening at any of these all games? It is a core memory for me. I went to a basketball camp when I was a kid because my brother's really tall and I was tall and so my mum was like, basketball. And we went to this camp and I remember sitting on the ground. I was really young, so it's absolutely fine that this happened. And I remember sitting on the ground and them giving us the instructions for the day

and me being like, I need to pee. But, you know, when you're a kid, you just like don't say anything. And so I just peed my pants. Why are you telling this story, Hayley? This is a story I probably wouldn't have told. No, I wouldn't have. And at the end, they were all like, all right, up you get, go get your bags. We're going to head into the day.

And I remember I just sat there and my beautiful brother was like, have you packed your bags? And he sorted it out. So that's one story that we'll cut. And the second one is, for some reason, I grew up believing that that camp was run by Shaquille O'Neal. It wasn't.

It was probably just a man with dark skin. It might have. It definitely wasn't Shaquille O'Neal. It must be like a good feeling for you, kind of a way to give back and see the up-and-coming talent and give kids a chance to get involved. Yeah, it's mainly just that, bro, just accessibility, just to play the games.

And again, these camps are just about the fun aspect of basketball. Is there an age limit on the camp? Yeah, yeah. It's pretty, I mean, it's still young. I think we're doing... Thank you for gesturing to me when you said young. Just get in the boat, Foxy. Get it all back.

But it's a wide range. We get all the mini-ball hoops out. Oh, cool. Was there anything like that when you were a young fella? Not that I was aware of, no. So how did you find yourself playing basketball? Was it through school? Yeah, typically through school, especially my family,

because we're a tall family, so naturally we're pushed towards basketball anyway. Your family is many things as well as tall. Profoundly talented. Ridiculous. And also, yeah, my is many things as well as tall. Profoundly talented. Ridiculous. And also, yeah, my brothers played basketball

as well. So, yeah, it's kind of been in the family and that. Where do you fit in the rankings like age wise in your family?

I'm the youngest. You're the youngest. That must be good being better than your big brothers. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah.

It's all right for the youngest to be like, I'm the best at basketball in the family. Yeah. But it's just,. Yeah, it's all right for the youngest to be like, I'm the best at basketball in the family. Yeah. But it's just like the age range is so vast that you can't really prove it. You know, I mean, I did make the NBA or whatever.

Yeah, I was going to say none of them have proven it. I was going to say you're the best. But like it is those things. Like sometimes you play one-on-one against like family members. Yeah. And they'll win. Oh, wow. Because it's just like it's a different game. It's not like a full NBA game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's kind against like family members. Yeah. And they'll win. Oh, wow. Because it's just like, it's a different game.

It's not like a full NBA game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like kind of like different rules. Because you're known for, what's the move that you do when it's like a two thing and then you're the wall? Oh, screening? Yeah, screening. Like, does it hurt when people are just slamming into you

or you're just like, whatever? No, not really. Because like, they're not like Islander boys. Yeah, right. You know what I mean? If you slammed into you, you were just like, whatever? No, not really, because they're not like Islander boys. Yeah, right. If you slammed into you, you'd be like, oh, God. Screening New Zealand players, like some of the Islander boys, because they have rugby background, they know how to run through contact.

Run through a human, yeah. I feel that a lot. I feel that it's very different from, say, over there where they'll give up on the screen. Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying? So, first day back in New Zealand today, is there anything you miss and that you, as soon as you get back, have to have? Yeah, it's just any of the food, bro.

Just miss the food. And even just stepping off the plane, just taking in the air and just seeing the views. It's just amazing. It's really nice to be back. And also, you're launching a product while you're back in New Zealand. Your breakfast. Yeah, yeah. God, you guys are really, you're launching a product while you're back in New Zealand. You're Breakfast. Yeah, yeah. God, you guys are really prepared for this interview, aren't you?

It's like it was planned all along without me knowing. I think so, yeah. You were just blindfolded. It is real exciting. I thought you were a kitten. Quite the opposite. Meadow Fresh, quick break here. I actually was walking around the supermarket at the weekend

and saw your face adorning these. Yeah, yeah. So get prepared for that. You're all over the supermarket. Oh, my God, what a shame. What a terrible thing to see when you're out doing groceries. I've got two small daughters, and they go through, like, three litres of milk every other day.

So what was it like in your family? How much milk was it going through? We went through a lot. Did you have a house cow? I was going to say, did I have a house cow? That was, like, lit. Please. The family, let me live. Please. The family, they've taken too much.

Oh, my God. A skeletal house cow. Kill me, just shoot me. What, did you have those multiple jugs of milk? Yeah, all I remember, yeah, growing up, our fridge would be stocked. I think it was probably 10 litres, 10 litres of milk. Yeah, the two litres. At any given time.

What is Christmas like? I mean surely there's not room for one more one more what? human being if I was just wandering around

lost at Christmas surely there would be a plate available for a passerby yeah it's it's competitive yeah that's right I'm very competitive

I'm also an elite sports person but I don't want to get into it but I am a marching girl and I've traveled the world with it as well. So I can relate to you and your family on many, many different ways. Don't laugh, Stephen. You're fitting.

You're fitting. It is a genuine sport, and I am at the top of my game. Oh, is that marching? Yeah. Do you know marching? Yeah. Is that? Yeah.

Are you going to say? Were you literally? I literally saw his mouth. Is that a real? No, that's good. Yeah. Are you going to say were you literally I don't know who saw his mouth but is that a real No, that's good. Yeah, it is. Well, all in time it's a thing.

So when are the basketball camps happening? The 8th, 10th and the 14th. Yeah. Amazing. Well, I can't wait to attend.

No, 8 to 14 year olds. Ah. You're out. Just? Only by 20 years. Yeah, only just. I'm an actor. I'm an actor. I'm out. Just? Only by 20 years. Yeah, only just. Yeah, just. I'm an actor.

I've got a performance. I'm an actor for the pants wedding thing. Yeah, if I come along, maybe it would be a nice healing moment for me to attend a basketball camp and not pee my pants. That would be wonderful. Yeah, it would be. Stephen Adams, thank you so much for popping in.

No worries, mate. The giant Stephen Adams has just left the building. Dude had to duck to get in and out of the door and the elevator. When he shook my hand, his hand is like three of my hands. Yeah. And he did the same where he shook my hand and then put his other hand on the other

side of my hand and I felt like someone had put my hand in a panini press. Like a whale's mouth. He's so lovely too. So lovely. Are we great friends? You're such good friends. Do you know what's terrible though?

I've needed to pee for so long. And then you're like, you can't leave. You can't leave. You can't go. And then we got some photos together and now I'm here still busting away and like very frantic. Was I cool? Yeah, you were real cool.

No. Okay. Well, Shannon has put up the video. I'd say it's up there it's for Jason Momoa level. I felt similar. Yeah, not remaining cool. Seeing these beings in the flesh is

something else. Because for those that don't know, obviously people know about your fascination with Jason Momoa. They've seen that video. Yeah, Stephen's my other one. Stephen Adam is your other one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Has she got a type? It does appear like that video. Yeah, Stephen's my other one. Stephen Adam is your other one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Has she got a type? It does appear like you do.

Well, Tommy Harris has moved his way into the third position, so yes, she does. Tommy Harris. Ginormous brown boys. Check out the video. Just Hayley's face reaction is pretty good. It's on her socials, FVHZM.

I mean, what do you do with your day now? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it can only go down, really. Yeah, it can. Woo-hoo! Anyway, okay. Concentrate. What was I talking about?

Oh, yeah. I think I've gently food poisoned myself. You went cooking up one of those ghost fishes that's washed up. Zombie fishes. Zombie fishes. What's that? It was just Bryn was talking about it in the news. North Island fishermen have fished up snapper that have got like patches of scales missing,

grey eyes. Like bits of flesh. Yeah. Like kind of like white walker fish. Yeah. Like if there were fish in Game of Thrones. Yeah, bits of like bone and stuff. No, no, no.

I just made a cheeky stir fry. Right. Because I'm doing this thing. And it takes me a bit of a time at the moment because I'm sort of like, you know, calculating everything for my nutritionist. And I just had a chicken stir fry. Lots of vegetables, some white rice, chicken.

Yeah. Say two. Like, that's it. And I... Was it goop? No goop. Did you put in some like... No, no.

No goop. Oh, what in some like No goop. Oh what a It wasn't in the program. I put soy sauce and I put a tiny bit of chilli flakes and that was sort of and a bit of lime juice.

Oh no. I'm struggling. Anyway it was fine. So I made this lame stir fry and I ate it and then it was like an instant

you know when your glands start to go like when you're going to be sick. Oh yeah. And you get that like nauseous feeling and then it was like an instant, you know when your glands start to go like, when you're going to be sick? Oh yeah. And you get that like nauseous feeling and I had this like nausea in my like upper stomach and I was like, oh that's not good. And I suddenly felt like these waves

of I'm going to throw up. And I was like maybe, surely it's not the dinner right? Because. I thought it took a while. Too quick. That really annoys me when people eat something and instantaneously be like, I've got food poisoning. It's like, you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know.

Because the bacteria's got to get into the stomach and multiply to the point where it overthrows everything, right? I mean, it was a little bit after. But yeah, I started feeling really gross. But I put so much effort into the sort of calculation of this meal that I had Aaron sat to the side. And I was sitting there trying not to throw up as I saw him walk in with his bowl.

And rather than just being like, I wouldn't eat it, it didn't make me feel good, just watched him hoon it down. What, because you didn't want to cook another meal for the man? Well, because he'd been working on the house till late and I knew that, you know, like I wanted to make him dinner

because he'd been working on the house. So I knew if he was like, oh, I don't want to eat this if it's made you feel crock, that I'd then be like, oh God, now I've got to get up and make something too. So I was like, well, if I've got food poisoning, you can get food poisoning too. So I watched him eat that and then he felt all right.

How many toilets in the new? Uno. Yeah, great. Uno toiletos. Someone's doing the old poo and spew in the shower, are they? No, well, the shower's in with the toilet. Thumbing it down the plug hole. Yeah.

Hey, we've all been there., the shower's in with the toilet. Thumbing it down the plug hole? Yeah. Towing it in. Hey, we've all been there. We've all been there, but rough. I've Googled how long for symptoms, for food poisoning, two to six hours. Yeah, okay. So it wasn't that. And it said it may be longer or shorter,

so it can't have been that. Oh, I guess this is a soft pregnancy announcement then, isn't it? Oh, congratulations. No, definitely not. But I did. I felt really, really crook. And I sort of, just like the sweats and like that kind of gross,

like running thing. And I went to a bed with a hottie on my tummy. Okay. And then I woke up and it was fine. It was gone. Don't look skinny. That's always the thing. That's what we always hope for after a bout of sickness

Always after the spews I'll get a slightly soft stool for a couple of days And then I'll look in the mirror and I'll be like come on God damn Come on Come on It's not done nearly enough Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley

Fact of the day Day day day Day Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the first ever athlete. I must also thank... So no work itself. Anthony. Yeah. For sending this in.

Lazy. Anthony will send in some great facts. Thank you, Anthony. Regular fact of the day contributor. Anthony or Antony? Or Antony. Anthony, I've got. Okay.

But I may have written that wrong. Sometimes the H, you don't hit it. Yeah. Antony. You did right. Sir Antony Hopkins. Well, Wikipedia's don't hit it. Yeah. Anthony. You did right. Sir Anthony Hopkins. Well, Wikipedia's not working so the game's up.

Well now you're going to have to come up with your own facts. Look, this forced your hand to have to do your own money. I've researched it. So why am I not working? Um, let me give this a refresh. Now, the page before that was working, like Google was working. Um, let me give this a refresh. I'm going to have to go to your hotspot, Hon. The page before that was working, like Google was working. Right.

Let's see if the Guinness World Records is working because this is a current standing Guinness World Record. I love watching the Olympics when they break a world record. Hotspot on your phone, Hon. You reckon I should hotspot on my phone? Yeah, hotspot on your phone. Wait, Guinness World Records opening. Let me try to refresh Wikipedia.

I mean, you did have quite a bit of time to get this one ready. I did. What, that it's not working? No, it's obviously working to the producers. Today's fact of the day is about Hans-Gunnar Lillgenwald. Yeah! He was the first person to ever get disqualified

at the Olympics for testing positive to a banned substance. Oh, what drug? Okay, that was where I was leading with today's fact of the day. Okay, I'm closing it because I opened that. What was the sport? Shooting. Oh, yeah. Oh.

What drugs do you need for shooting? Maybe something to... Poor sedative that makes your arm like... Exactly like our Turkish dude. I love him. Who said he was just joking. Some kind of... Who said, by the way, he was just joking about his dog.

Oh, yeah. Because did you read that thing on the podium? He's like, Sharon, I want my dog back. And everyone's like, give him what he wants. We're going to have a John Wick scenario on our hands. Yeah. He said, I've had the dog a lot. He put a photo up of his dog, yeah.

I'm going to say it's some kind of, what year was this? 1968 at the Mexico City Olympics. Marijuana. I'm going to say some kind of amphetamine to keep him awake. I'm going to say marijuana to keep karma's nerves because it was 1968. It was beer. He drank beer prior to pistol shooting and it is a banned substance because it relaxes your nerves.

Alcohol, ethanol technically is the banned substance. Right. It lowers your heart rate. So then you can be karma with the hand. Still a hand for the pistol shooting. Oh, wow. Also, like, not great to have a beer and then hold a gun. No.

Regardless of what you're shooting at. Yeah. That's sort of a generally agreed upon. Generally we agree. Generally agreed upon. I don't have the exact words of the thing because I don't know if you guys caught it just before I said Wikipedia crashed. Yeah.

Wikipedia won't load. All right. But I went through the history of doping at the Olympic Games. I caught it just before I said Wikipedia crashed. Yeah. Wikipedia won't load. All right. But I went through the history of doping at the Olympic Games. He was the first and only at that first one. But then it's kind of like that was the landslide. I don't know if testing got better or from there on out. Tell you what decade do you reckon was the biggest?

90s. Yeah. 90s was massive for doping. Everyone was getting jacked up, wanted to be faster, bigger, stronger. Yeah. Yeah. And they started busting different sorts of, because obviously after the 90s,

where they're like, these are the ones we can catch. Then everyone started getting a bit sneakier. And they started catching a lot of different ones in the 2000s. Yeah. But the first one ever, in today's fact of the day, is the first person ever disqualified at the Olympics

for testing positive for a banned substance was a shooter at the 1968 Olympics who had a couple of beers. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- an ex. Or like some revenge. A bit of revenge. Okay. There is a woman she shared on TikTok, if you ever want to have get some petty revenge on someone steal their microwave plate. That actually rules. The glass thing that spins around. Doesn't that rule?

Steal the microwave plate. And then you've got a spare one. Oh yeah, nah, you'd have to have the same microwave to have the same one. Who cares what you do with it? Oh, my God. Okay, so you can get one on Teemu for $15.99. Yeah, but it might not be the same.

Trade Me. Apparently, they're universal, a lot of them. A Y-type. You know those three? Yep, yep. I was about to say. And annoying, though. You can get them for anywhere between $15, $16 to $20.30.

But how annoying. And you won't know either. You won't know until you need it. You go to the microwave and you've got to put your soup in or something and you're like, hang on a second. Because it has to turn around for it to work. Because if you ever microwave something and that plate's come off. Wait, we're about to hear it. Wait.

We're about to hear about your microwave that doesn't need to rotate. No, mine rotates. Oh, because my parents have got a microwave that doesn't rotate no more. So does our parents. No, mine you can do metal in and it grills. Oh, that's what you're... And it's built into the kitchen. I think yours might not spin as well.

No, no, it spins. It spins. But they don't spin anymore. Does that mean it's not cold in the middle? Because that was to like get it all kind of evenly, whereas now they're a bit more advanced. But this is so good. And then you're going to see it, right?

And you're going to go, where is that? You're going to think you've gone to clean it. You're going to go looking for it. It's really putting you out in the pettiest way. I think I'm like you. I wouldn't do that to someone. I don't think I'm petty. I didn't say that.

You just said... I didn't say that. And in fact, watch your back. Watch your back, little bitch. Next time I'm over for some drinky poos. That microwave plate's coming home with me. Let's do it. Don't even think about it.

You'll be banned. You'll have a hard ban. A hard 12-month ban. Now, I don't know that I've ever pulled such a petty move, but I've always desired it. You always hear about the people that freeze a fish and then grate it through the back of someone's car so you can never get the smell out.

Have you heard that? Yeah. I mean, some people deserve it. Some people do deserve it. They might have been a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater. They could have been, in which case they deserve it. But I still don't know if someone cheated on me if I would grate a fish in their car.

But you would steal their microwave plate. Now I might steal their microwave. Just to screw with their head. This is what I want to know and get some calls and texts in for is what was your petty revenge move? Like the pettier the better. How you got back at someone in such a small way. Imagine stealing someone all of their pegs.

Yeah, that'd suck. What an inconvenience. I remember... What a horrendous image. This is when I was 19 years old. This is so childish and so gross. I think I was like 18 or 19 years old and my friends lived

in a flat and my friend went there and her boyfriend lived in this flat and he didn't cheat or something but he'd been a dick. We went into his bedroom and we covered his whole bed in, I'll say it, stolen real estate signs and then she got his

towel that was on the back of his door and wiped her bum on it. Really? Jane Sproul? What had he done to deserve this? She wiped her bum with his towel and then we hung it back and was like,

we're going. And I was like, that was a great move. Was it a dirty bum? Well, it was just your bum. Oh, but bums touch towels all the time. Every time I got out of the shower, the bum went up.

Yeah, but that's what I mean. It was petty. It wasn't actually really going to. Yeah, we'd been out and about. She's been out and about. Okay. Her bum had been out and been out and been a little bit sweaty. Well, let's take some calls.

Have you ever done something petty or vindictive? Your petty payback. It doesn't have to be a romantic lover either. No. Oh, no. You could do it to your brother or sister. Anybody that has wronged you. Or just like a flat to be a romantic lover either. No. You could just do anybody that has wronged you. Or just like a flatmate that keeps stealing your food. Yeah. And so you poison some food in the fridge.

Okay, well, we just want to do petty. Oh, sorry. Not crime. Not crime. Not criminal activity. We don't want what we've presented as Exhibit A at a murder case. Yeah, exactly. I'll wait a hundred thousand minutes.

Give us a call. You can text through 96... Can I give an example? Yeah, exactly. 0800 DARS at Amazon number. Give us a call. You can text through 9696. Can I give an example? Yes. A flatmate removed all the labels on the tin cans in the cupboard

before they moved out. Petty. Fantastic. Every dinner you're opening it up being like, what is it? I guess they're having

creamed corn again tonight. Sorry. 0800 DARS at Amazon number. Text through 9696.

They're coming in thick and fast. We want to know what was your petty payback move? Because there is a woman on TikTok who recommends stealing someone's microwave plate as a petty way of getting them back. Look, maybe you're not proud of it now. Oh, there's a lot in here that they shouldn't be proud of. A lot in here.

There's some insane messages that I don't even want to read. I know, some of them are like... Because I don't even want to read. I know. Some of them are like... Because I would hate to give other people ideas. Okay. On our split, he demanded the cowhide bean bags. Yep. Oh, they're expensive.

They'll last. I buried a whole frozen fish bait fish. We're talking a bonito, an oily bonito. Okay. Amongst the beans in each bag. A slow-release stench. That is so good. You'd know.

And the beans, you could get rid of the beans. You've got to get rid of them. And then the beans, you'd always be finding the beans. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's a nightmare. Tori, what was your pity revenge? Well, my husband plays rugby, and I can't remember.

It was a long time ago, but he left his gym bag, and he annoyed me so much, typical rugby guy. And I got his protein, mixed it with water, and he tipped it all through his bag. Ew! Well, I added his penis controllers as well. Wait, your current husband? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's been a few of these, but it was probably our biggest one. Right, so you're just teaching him a lesson. It was just a lesson. It wasn't like a payback. It was a... Tori's unhinged. So, Tori, was he like, oh, what have you done that for? Or was he like, oh, no, the lid came off my protein juice?

No, well, we still hadn't talked for a few days, so technically he didn't see it for like two or three days. Oh, yuck, protein. And by then I had curdled. Yuck. Nothing worse. We've all opened a protein shaker and it's gone. I think he'll never leave you because he'll be too scared of what you do.

What you'll do. He knows that that's what I'm like, so it's fine. That is. And I love hearing from our listeners with healthy relationships. Yeah, me too. I love our crazy listeners. He needs to put his bag away and get rid of his protein shaker. I think it was something really stupid.

It was like he'd stayed out too long or he hadn't put his crap away. I don't know, but it was very petty. I look back and it's funny. I love it. Brilliant. I love it. Tori, thank you. Anonymous has called us.

Anonymous, what was your petty payback? This is ongoing payback, hence why I'm anonymous. Okay. I send adult diaper sample packs to my ex. Adult diaper sample packs. Yeah. So you can, there's so many websites that they'll just send out a free sample pack. Oh, wow. Okay. For like trial purposes. I'm totally abusing that, but you can, there's so many websites that they'll just send out a free sample pack. Oh, wow.

For like trial purposes. I'm totally abusing that, but you pay for shipping. So it's not 100% free. You're still paying, you're paying to have these sent to your ex. It's not much, honestly. It's worth it. It's 100% worth it because he has no idea why he's getting adult diapers sent to him. Fantastic.

And, like, you can't get quite big. You can't just really throw it out inconspicuously. He lives with other people. I imagine that he's just got a stash of adult diapers in his wardrobe that someday some new chick will find and be like, dude. Yes. Yeah, he's going to bring a date around and she's going to be like, I'm just going to look for a jumper. I'm cold. Oh, my God. Genius. Yeah, he's going to bring a date around and she's going to be like, I'm just going to look for a jumper, I'm cold. Oh my God, genius. Yeah, and then find the adult diapers.

So I'm guessing it didn't end well with this guy. Anonymous. No. No. That laugh, that laugh, I love it. Anonymous, thank you. Keep your texts coming in 9696, your petty revenge. So we want to know your petty revenge moves.

A woman has gone viral on TikTok because she says the best petty revenge is stealing someone's glass microwave plate. Because then they go to use the microwave and they're like, oh, where do you get one of those from? This is so unhinged, these messages. I know. Like I thought we'd get like, oh, you know, Keita's car. Someone's like, you know you can ship someone animal poo online, eh? Yeah, they did a thing. I remember that being a thing.

And around Valentine's Day, they're always like, you can. In animal poo online, eh? Yeah, they did a thing. I remember that being a thing. And around Valentine's Day they were always like, you can... Inundated. Yeah. Ship them a bag of dicks. Remember? Yes, bag of dicks.

This is genius. I used to give out my ex's number to guys I got drinks from in clubs. So you go out, a guy will be like, can I buy you a drink?

Sure, have a little drink. And then he's like, can I have your number? You give your ex's number. Okay, a friend of ours, a friend of ours' message, does hammering a nail into, well, I'm going to read this out, then you guess. Does hammering a nail into the heel of my friend's evil stepdad's boots

count as petty? Matt. Yes! Nailed it! Nailed it! At the same time without even looking At each other Yes At exactly the same time

That was You were right He knows He knows I creased all my ex's Shoe collection And then got An invisible ink pen

That only shows up Under blue light And drew C's and B's And cheetah And everything And writ All over his flash shoes

So when then He'd wear them to the club And the lights would be on You've got C's and B's and Cheetah and everything all over his flash shoes so when then he'd wear them to the club and the lights would be on. You've got Season Bs and Cheetah written all over them. Yeah. That's good stuff. Oh, my God. Somebody, there are some real gross ones. I'm not going to read that one out, actually.

The one about the deep fryer. Oh, someone messaged. Oh, you know, you should read that out because that's quite unhinged. We've got lots of urine ones. Yeah. Someone messaged in about peeing in the car vent. Remember, my neighbour did that to me. Yeah.

Yeah. Somebody said they did wheeze in his deep fryer because he'd never changed the oil. They put wheeze in there. But wouldn't, now I'm no deep fry expert, but wouldn't the oil burn off the... Because you know when water goes into oil, it splatters and goes crazy.

Yeah. And it would show, I would think. Matt said, do not say my name. We both did it at the same time and goes crazy. Yeah, and it would show I would think it would sit on top. Matt said, do not say my name. We both did it at the same time though, Matt. Sorry, Matt. No, but which Matt? There are so many Matts. Well, there's only two in our group. No, but in the whole world, there's like

a million. There's one and a half million Matts. This text we just got is amazing. My petty revenge was to my husband. We'd spent a year separated and did this during the time we were separated but we had to share a living space still.

He would always sneak his washing in mine so that I washed it and hung it out. I noticed so I waited until the next time he did that and then I would just take

his dirty undies out not wash them but hang them up outside on the line to dry so that he thought that they were washed. He would then get them off and wear them.

I did this for months and months without ever But then he was touching his undies all the time. I know, but he's got stinky crotch. Yeah. Ew. Yuck. My mum threw my dad's roast dinner in the bin

because he put tomato sauce on it before even tasting it. So just picked it up and dumped it in the bin. That is kind of gross. Like, have a gravy. We had a terrible flatmate. Just a very terrible flatmate And she'd always sit herself down to a bag of scroggin And eat it while she was sitting on the couch

We would scoop up the crumbs Or like wipe the bench into our hands And then just tip it into her bag of scroggin Oh scroggy Dust scroggy She wasn't doing anything just eating scroggin No they said terrible flatmate Oh right okay

They didn't go into the details of why they were a terrible flatmate But their most well known personal trait was that they loved scroggin. No, they said terrible flatmate. Oh, right, okay. They didn't go into the details of why they were a terrible flatmate, but their most well-known personal trait was that they loved scroggin. My husband's ex cut the legs off his new jeans so that they were still in the bag and folded them up and put them back in his cupboard. When he pulled them out for a night on the town,

he had a sexy pair of Daisy Dukes. That's actually... That's good, eh? He would have done really well in those pants. Yeah, I bet. Especially if his sneakers had invisible writing written all over them. So when he got there, it was Daisy Dukes and Season B's.

Does he have good thighs and legs? Yeah. Okay, calm down, both of you. Getting a little bit... How should we talk? That acknowledgement just turned into horny... Oh, it did? Up in her.

It's so close. Up in her. It's a very... Okay, you give me a not horny... Okay, now give me a not horny him hmm hmm okay now give me a horny him hmm

yeah that was quite obvious she nailed that nailed that someone said you cannot go past getting their email address and just signing them up

to every single thing on the internet that's annoying instant mashed potato on the front lawn when it rains mashed potatoes oh like dehydrated

potato powder yeah like the little powder. Oh, wow. That's genius. Yeah. My sister's knob of a boyfriend followed her home from Australia one Christmas, uninvited by her also. He then insulted me for living with my parents at the time. So before he left, I peed into a cup and put that into his mouthwash. Still gives me great joy thinking that he has rinsed his mouth with urine.

This is why I don't buy that piss-coloured mouthwash. Yeah. great joy thinking that he has rinsed his mouth with urine. This is why I don't buy that piss coloured mouthwash. Listerine brown. Yeah, that's my family's chosen mouthwash. No, you've got to get a blue. You've got to go blue, purple or what are the other colours? Anything but brown. The pink one's the yummiest.

Yeah, but it's not about being yummy. I've got to burn away. I can put it in my mouth... That's raspberry lemonade, hon. ...and start rinsing and then just go around for 20 minutes doing tasks and then be like, oh, my God, my mouth's still full of mouthwash. I spit it out and my mouth's just, like, polished. Oh, someone put deep heat in their ex's underwear.

Now I can feel that. We've all done that before. That's a urinary tract infection, isn't it? Burning. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a po Because I'm blasting for a poos. Blasting for a poos. Jesus.

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