ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 7th June 2024

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Doctor Jokes  Final Rankings!  Recipe Change  What was stuck inside you?  Hayley has a Bone to Pick...  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletchvaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletchvaughan and Hayley. And people will be sadly disappointed if they were expecting a hungover show from us today. But we are broadcasting professionals. There was an industry ceremony last night.

A night out. Yeah. But we were all very responsible. I was home at 10.30. I'm a little husky. I'm husky because I didn't go. You didn't go. You were filming.

Because I took a stance. No, you didn't. I protested. You were just busy. I was busy. I did have a lot of people asking where you were, and I got sick of it. I know, but we should have made a cool scandal you know, rocked the industry

with scandal. Right. They love a bit of that, we could have said you could have just gone, oh where's Hayley tonight? I don't care. And just be like, just left it there and see what people said. Start a bit of gossip and Vaughan you went home a lot of people also asking me where's Vaughan. They should have known.

I was home by like 7 something. I said you know Vaughan doesn't like a lot of people also asked me, where's Vaughn? They should have known. Yeah, I said... I was home by like seven something. Yeah, I said, you know, Vaughn doesn't like a lot of crowds and people. Mostly them. Did you tell them that? I didn't tell them that, no. He likes some crowds. I like some crowds, just not you. Yeah.

Not you crowds. That's what you can say to people from now on. Where's Vaughn? Yeah. He doesn't like crowds. And especially you. Yeah. Okay, I'll say that from now on.

Well, thank you for sticking it out and representing us. No problem. Pleasure. Happy to help. Happy to help. Happy to help. Coming up on the show, the top six. New research is showing that if your doctor is funny or uses humour.

Humour. Like Patch Adams. Like Patch Adams. Oh, that's right. R.I.P. R.I.P. Robin Williams. It's better for you. I don't know. Oh, that's right. R.I.P. R.I.P. Robin Williams. It's better for you.

I don't know. We'll get into this. I don't know why. Humour is better for everything. Would they say laughter is the best medicine? It's not. I would say chemotherapy. For cancer, I'd say chemotherapy over laughter.

Yeah. I'd say there's probably some like HIV medications that would be better than laughter. Kidney failure, I'd say dialysis would be better than laughter. Yeah. I'd say there's probably some like HIV medications that would be better than laughter. Kidney failure, I'd say dialysis would be better than laughter. Yeah. Prosthesis for amputees,

I'd say can't be replaced with laughter. No. Painkillers for people in chronic pain, I'd say is better than laughter. Morphine. Well, I mean,

do you want to do the top six or not? Yeah. Nah. Do you want to change it? Do I have a choice? I don't know.. Do you want to do the top six or not? Nah. Do I have a choice? I don't know. I don't want to do anything. I know you don't.

Should we just not? I reckon call it quits. Take the day. Top six jokes I'd use as a doctor. Coming up. Make you feel better. Next on the show. Because laughter's the best medicine. Yes. Next on the show, something laughter's the best medicine. Yes. Next on

the show, something a lot of people do when they travel. Somebody who works at an airport has said you shouldn't do this thing. Oh my goodness. We'll tell you what it is next. Bomb jokes. Oh yeah, don't. Definitely not bomb jokes, but yeah, don't do those. Producers our ordering nuggets Yeah

Put an order in Not hungover But we were like Well we're not But I think you'll find Nuggets over at McDonald's property Versus McCafe

Now I know Same company We support company wide Well yeah but People know it's Under the same umbrella I know it's under The same umbrella

Did you see there's A McDonald's coming to our neighbourhood? You're muddying the water. Yes, and my children are merchosic. Aaron, we were sitting at, there's a pub opposite where it is being built and Aaron was like, what's that? I was like, my dude, that's a McDonald's. He literally did a little happy dance.

For a happy meal. He did a little happy dance for a happy meal as a happy boy. Love that. Now, it's getting to that kind of mid-year kind of time when people are going to take off on holidays. People are going to take off to the islands. Off to Europe summer. Yeah, exactly.

And a baggage handler has gone viral. He works at Dublin Airport. So you can only imagine he's got a very sexy accent. And he's baggage handler. He's muscular and he's Irish. He could be the devil of Dublin. That could be his day job. You never know. Well, he said

there's one thing that you should do, actually a couple, if you don't want your bag ending up being lost or delayed, and that's what I feel like it's a thing mums always do. Tie ribbons to their bags. Oh my god. Because someone once said

you've got to be able to identify your suitcase because they all look the same. So tie a red ribbon to it. That's my mum. Or tie string and then people end up tying like a material or you know, kind of like.

Or those rainbow straps and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, I remember this because when I first started travelling, it was with marching. So it was always with a big group. Yep.

So we would do like a group colour. So you'd be able to identify like, oh, my marching team, that's our bags with the red, black and white. But now literally every bag has a ribbon. So he's saying that sometimes the ribbons can be so big that they hide the barcodes. Oh, what a pain in the arse. That the machines need to scan.

So if the machine can't scan your bag because you've got stuff hiding it, it will go off to the side and have to be manually scanned. So that means that your bag could miss a flight. Because it's in another area that someone has to get through. That is so true because usually you put it around the top handle. There's your tag.

There's your ribbon. But then also those bag tags can be quite long. But then also the stickers that they peel off from those bag tags and put on your suitcase in case that gets... He's saying take those old ones off as well because that could also lead to problems. Because some people just... I saw a suitcase the other day.

Someone had like 40 of those barcode... Oh, you've got to clean them off. Yeah, you've got to pull those off because he's saying those could also confuse the scanner at times. Because then you're scanning the wrong thing. I hate that when they pull it off your thing's saying those could also confuse the scanner at times. I never put those on. I hate that when they pull it off your thing and stick it on your suitcase. I know, it's like as if that's going to stay on

as well. Yuck. So yeah, he's saying those are the things that you should be wary of if you're flying because yeah, they can make your bag delayed. I'm travelling soon, won't say where, but I am travelling with a soft bag.

Because I don't have a hard suitcase anymore. Mine exploded. Exploded? Yeah. But like it split at the seams. Ah, the hard shell suitcase. Yeah. No one's buying a soft suitcase anymore.

No one's. Oh, sometimes. It's because my mum, it's my mum's and she left it at my house and I was like, I'll just take that. Yeah. But do you think that'll be fine?

A soft. I feel like it's gonna be a wet. A soft suitcase. But it's kind of like an enormous backpack. I've got a hard suitcase. Yeah.

You've got an ice suitcase. You've got a Samsonite? It's a Samsonite, yeah. This dude does an F up. It wheels 360 degrees too. Are you kidding me? I can pivot.

Are you Fingering me? Just with my wrist, I can be like, bloop, pivot. I've held it. Yeah, bloop. I can pivot. Are you effing kidding me? Just with my wrist, I can be like, pivot. I've held it. Yeah, bloop. I think when you were like tying your shoelace or something, I held it once and was like, damn. I want an adult size, one of those suitcases that kids ride through the airport.

Yes, they sit on it. Like a little ladybug. Yeah, yeah, and they scoot. And it's also Bob the Builder, but for adults. Yes. Or whoever. Bob the Builder is for adults, eh? Yeah.

I could see you with a bluey suitcase. Oh, yeah. Surely they do suitcases. I've 100% had a bluey suitcase. Although it is my pet peeve when you're waiting to get on a effing plane and some parents are like, just let little four-year-old Timmy

wheel his suitcase down. Wheel his own suitcase. At two kilometres an hour. He's literally a child. Just carry him. Did you see, speaking of Bluey, the Australian Mint issued Bluey coins? Yes.

The dollar bucks? Really? Because that's what they call it on Bluey. Oh, okay. The currency is dollar bucks. He's a phenomenon. She. Oh, wow.

Bluey is a boy. No, Bluey's a girl. This is like when I learned that Peppa Pig is a girl. Yeah. I was like, eh? You could tell Peppa Pig was a girl. I thought I was like, eh? You could tell Peppa Pig was a girl and have those giant balls

hanging down. That's how you can identify those giant balls. And that corkscrew, massive corkscrew wang that they have. Yeah, little tusks. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little poe Silly little poe It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. What's up, losers? Silly little pole today.

What's up, losers? Silly little pole, heads or, losers? Silly little poll. Heads or tails? If you're going to toss a coin, what do you call? Tails never fails. I always go tails too. Always tails. But mostly because I think most people go heads.

Same. And heads to me feel so square and obvious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really doesn't matter what you say. Although we talked about that study where they toss a coin like, was it 300,000 times? Yes. And what came ahead just slightly? It was whatever it started on. That's right.

Okay. Yeah. For the coin which side you picked, there's an overwhelming winner. 72% of people pick heads. So my theory and Hayley's theory of you pick tails because less people pick it, pretty good. Yeah. Heads. 72% tails.

Literally 28%. 50-50 chance. So it doesn't really matter what you pick, does it? Dan. Tails never fails. When you say it's 50-50, it's 100-0. Is it? Tails literally never fails.

Right. Dan says tails, of course, because they give off big top energy. This is a homosexual man. It does sound like a homosexual man saying that's where you are on top. He's on top. So he picks tails because that's what he wants. Is that what the vibe is? Maybe.

Because I would have thought he would have picked heads as the representative. But the head is to me the bottom of the coin. If you were to just be like which side of this coin is the top, it's the head. Tails is brighter. The head is what's on everything. bottom of the coin. If you were to just be like, which side of this coin is the top? It's the head. Tails is brighter. The head is what's on everything.

It's the coin space. The tails is the defining image. So I put that on top, but it's weird because you call it tails, indicating it's on the bottom. This is like when I thought that Thins, the chocolate, was the top. It's not. No, the chocolate's on the bottom. Everybody knows the chocolate's the bottom. I was like, yeah, but if you're just going to drop it on the ground, you put the biscuit No, the chocolate's on the bottom. Everybody knows chocolate's the bottom.

I was like, yeah, but if you're just going to drop it on the ground, you put the biscuit down, not the absorbent chocolate. Chocolate up. I haven't had one of those for years, but I bet the chocolate's gone thin. Like thin, thin.

Yeah, it's not as thick as it used to be. It'll be so thin. Jaffa thins, though. And mint thins. Oh. Pretty. Pretty. Oh. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. I was about to do another pretty. It's all right.

You missed the rhythm. You missed the rhythm. That's all right. Sorry. No, it's okay. You stopped. You pulled back. No, you're okay.

Hey, you're okay. Mute my microphone. Don't be sorry. Just don't. Come on. You're still on. Hey, you're okay. Mute my microphone. Don't be sorry. Just don't. Vaughn, Vaughn, you're still on. You're still on. You're still on. You stupid, stupid voice.

You stupid idiot. Come back, back, back, back. Turn his mic back on now. Okay. Got fun. We got besties. James. James, I can't see what James picked, but he said, because it works 50% of the time every time. Uh-huh. Got fun. Oh, my God. Besties. James. James.

I can't see what James picked, but he said, because it works 50% of the time every time. Oh, yeah. Okay. Which that would work for either or, right? We'll just say that he picked heads. Yasmeen. Bleath?

Not bleath. Okay. But yes. Yes. Let's all keep Yasmeen bleath in our thoughts and prayers. Who the heck is Yasmeen bleath? She was on Baywatch. Is she the one?

Real hotty, but she had tough times. She had to get the septum. and belief in our thoughts and prayers. Who the heck is Yasmeen and belief? She was on Baywatch and a real hottie, but she had a tough time. She had to get the septum rebuilt from the cocaine abuse. Is that the one that all the Daily Mail or that, like, you won't believe what this Baywatch babe looks like now? I know. Her and her trackies walking up the driveway. Yeah, it's sad.

It's like, leave her alone. Everybody should get. Everybody deceives up in trackies. I mean, jeez. It's like, leave her alone. Everybody should get... Oh, yeah, I've seen that. I mean, jeez. It's almost harder to be that hot when you're young. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? She was outrageously...

She was a 90s 10. Yeah. That's how hot people got in the 90s. Why don't you just show them now? Be like, she got fat. And you're like, so did you, you dick. Yeah, and if you haven't yet, you will. You bloody will. Yasmeen Ward, not Bleeth.

Okay. Probably didn't say her whole name but she said tails never fails. Okay. Tails literally has never failed once. Bethan or Beethan? It's like Beth and it's like Monty Beetham but it's Bethan.

Bethan. Bethan said Monty Bethan, but it's Bethan. Bethan. Bethan said, tails for Wales. Apparently the Welsh. Oh, yeah. The Welsh flag a whole lot of times. Which is a cool flag. I've got to choose the tails. I'm really working on it. That felt like more of a Scandinavian.

Oh, yeah. Like, put on the skis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heads, because that's what I always hope for. Oh, no, I can't read that out, Mason. Oh, they're being naughty. That's very naughty. Naughty.

Amy says, I live in the UK and tails is the least royal side. So I picked that. I'm not a fan. Okay. We're royalists. We're royalists, aren't we? I usually flip a coin randomly. I usually flip a coin randomly first,

and then what it lands on, I do the opposite. That's a foolish way to gamble. Yeah. It's like the coin's got some sort of memory, and the coin's like, I did go head last time. Are people choosing the same every time? I need a third option. I vibe it and choose whatever feels right in the moment, says Kat. Kat, let's do a quick vibe check.

Okay. Zoe, it's got to be a vibe check on the spot every time I'm not loyal to one side. Another vibe check there. And Erin, tails because it's different on every coin, so that's exciting. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, there you go. Silly little poll. Next, we'll go to the sexual health desk. I believe, Vaughn, you're going to man this. This is our most... He should see me man a sexual health desk. This is our most riddled...

Whoa! Least riddled?, least riddled? Least riddled. Never had one. Clean as a whistle. A whistle that has not been blown for years. Something's happened over the last 24 hours and I no longer trust you, Fletch.

There's something that's happened. I'm going to talk to you a little bit later in the show. What have I done? 807, Hayley's bone to pick with Fletch. Oh, wow. What have I done? But just then you, you're a dangerous man this morning. That's all I'll say.

Behind the scenes, Fletch is playing fast and loose with our lives. One bloody heart to heart with JJ Feeney and we've got a loose cannon on our hands. He's turned into a right scandal queen. He has, he has. I'm starting to question his alliances. I know. If this was a game of Survivor.

We need to watch what we say now. You and me. Vote him off. Vote him off. Don't vote me off, guys. Guys, I'm at the sexual health desk. Now, I thought... Did he, as the cleanest member of the show. Now, we don't say that anymore. We don't say that anymore. We don't say that anymore.

I've been out of the game for a long time. It's not clean dirty. You'll have to tell me. I and I do apologise if I've offended anybody. That's because there's a connotation that you're dirty if you're not. STIs are a very normal thing. Preventable, but they're not the most terrible thing in the world. There's lots of medicines for them nowadays, isn't there?

God, yeah. At the sexual health desk, of course, I'm across this. I feel like Hayley should take over the sexual health desk. No, no. I'd like to see Vaughn stumble through this.

My sexual, at my age, in my shape, my sexual health is not having a heart attack mid-missionary. That's my sexual health. Yeah.

Okay. How's that going? And then falling on, falling on, crushing the Yeah The other person involved I'm moving away from the sexual health desk I'm so out of touch with all of this

And you know what? Thankfully so It's just scary for me Kia ora, good morning, I'm Hayley Sproul At the sexual health desk Don't say dirty I wasn't going to because I know that's not what's said I just learned that Kia ora, good morning, no my, hi to my, welcome to the sexual health desk. Don't say dirty. I wasn't going to because I know that's not what's said. I just learned that. Kia ora, good morning. Nomi, hi to my welcome to the sexual

health desk, FVH. It's great to be here. Sexual health. Now there's a new STI. Brother! Yes, that was out there. Brother! Brother! Now,

what are we? No, we can't go there yet. The last time we sung the brother jingle, they seemed as label makers. Label makers, yeah. I know, but we were making terrible jokes about incest. Doing your brother. He is inside. Your brother. I don't remember that.

It was like something about someone ended up dating their brother. Oh, yeah. And then brother was like, we'll ended up dating their brother. Oh, yeah. And then brother was like, we'll send you six label makers. It was a comical cease and desist. It was a, yeah, look, just show it. Load it into the label maker. I can't get that label maker to work, by the way. Well, I worked mine.

I use mine, like, literally all the time. I've labelled so many things. Is it ripping through batteries? No. Okay, I've got a problem. Oh, I won't buy those packs of cheap batteries. I know, he goes to, like, look sharp at his No. Okay, I've got a problem. Who buys those packs of cheap batteries? I know, he goes to, like, look sharp at his batteries.

Yeah, bro. He's like, why wouldn't they ask? The Unijuzu. Yeah, the Unijuzu. With the Unijuzu Energizer. The Energizer rat. No. Isn't that the...

No, sweetie, you're buying the cheap Energizers. Oh, Energizer. Yeah. Okay, welcome to the Sexual Health Desk. Now, this is the name of it. Stay with me. Trichophyton mentagrophytes type 7. Yep.

V11. Okay. Seven. That's smart. So there's been six of these. It is the latest in a group of severe skin infections that are ripping through the states. Okay.

It's a fungal infection. Very similar. It causes ringworm. Wait, you can get that sexually now? In humans. And now it's turned into a sexual. Sexual ringworm? Yeah, my dude.

Because we talked recently, there was a type of kind of gut bug, right, that was usually passed from like children who were, you know, playing with their butt butts and then putting their finger in their mum's mouth or something. And played over. Yeah. And then that was kind of turning into an STI with a little bit of cross-contamination.

I think this is similar where it's like, it wasn't originally your classic STIs like a gonorrhea. Traditional ringworm was a fecal thing from cats and dogs. Well, this is happening a lot between those that would play around in the back area. Right. Okay. Yeah. So people that have, I'm just saying, predominantly men that sleep with men. Okay.

The gays are at it again. Whatever you want to call that group of people, that's sort of where it's happening the most. Now I think with this, the butt bug and what was the monkey pox? Yeah. The gays are having a rough time. It's just awful. So, yeah, it's like

a itchy patchy ringworm rash in your... No, it hasn't been showing up anywhere else. It's just overseas at this stage in New York or whatever. New York in America, but it's going quite quickly. And it's a genetically mutated fungus.

This is like... That's last of us. And it's a genetically mutated fungus. This is like... That's last of us. Last of us stuff. Oh, genetically mutated fungus. Last of us, but more butt stuff. I think the last thing we need... Read the room, you know, almighty creator, whom I deeply believe in.

Mother Nature. Mother Nature. Mother Nature. The last thing we need is trichophyton... We don't need gay zombies. Gay zombies. Bra Nature. Mother Nature. The last thing we need is trichophyton. We don't need gay zombies. Gay zombies. Brains. Brains.

Oh, my God. Delish. Just had the most tasty brains. Brains. OMG. Babes. Babes. Listen up.

I just literally had the most delish brains. Tell me about it. At least if you wanted to get away from them, you could just put on some Ariana Grande on the corner. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yes. Pop, pop, pop, pop.

Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hi. Here it is. Found six. Hi. Here it is. Found it. Found it. Wrote the top six.

Haven't read this article so we'll see what this is about. Vibe it out and feel it my friend. Study finds humour really is the best medicine especially for doctors. German study.

Findings in a nutshell. A team from Martin Luther University. Not Martin Luther King not Martin Luther King Martin Luther the religious figurehead and the

Federal Institute of Vocational Education and Training jeez mouthful just say university found that medical assistants shut up

don't tell me how to do my job found that medical assistants who use light humour styles have their patients have better outcomes

on the flip side those that frequently use sarcasm, make biting remarks, or enjoy others' mishaps often feel less satisfied, less confident, and have a worse outcome.

Who was the doctor on 30 Rock? Dr. Spicherman. Spicherman. It was Dr. Spaceman. Dr. Spicherman. Spicherman. Played by...

Who was that actor? So good. But he'd always try to use humour and it was always inappropriate. Yeah, yeah. It was very funny. Great. Man, 30 Rock was good.

Chris Parnell. Chris Parnell, yeah. I knew that needs a rewatch. So funny. Yeah. Ready. Ready for 30 Rock. I've got the top six jokes I'd tell as a doctor.

Okay. To put you at ease in my... We're going to need to pretend I am the doctor. Okay. Imagine I'm doing... Number six. Imagine I'm doing your stitches. Okay. You've had a cut. Okay. To put you at ease in my... We're going to need to pretend I am the doctor. Okay. Imagine I'm doing... Number six. Imagine I'm doing your stitches. Okay. You've had a cut. I'm doing my stitches. Hayley's acting. Is this the acting degree? You're using it.

This counts. Okay. Imagine I've got my glasses kind of into the nose. I'm looking down. I'm doing a great job. Okay. You know I had a patient ask if they could do their own stitches last week. Did you? I said, suit yourself. That's good. Genuine laugh from Fletch.

So when you say, suit yourself. Suit yourself. Suit yourself. Suit yourself. That's really good. That's good. That's good. That's really good.

Okay, now I'm putting a cast on your arm, okay? Okay. Same performance. Number five on the list of the top six jokes I tell as a doctor. Oh, it's okay. Jake, speaking of broken arms, I had a patient come in and tell me that they'd broken their arm in two places. Really?

I said, you've got to stay away from those places. They sound dangerous. This is good. It's such a shame that Comedy Festival's finished. I know. Doctor, this is for I know Doctor My doctor character My doctor character I'll pay good money

to watch this for an hour Okay Number four on the list of the top six jokes I'd tell as a doctor Imagine I'm taking a blood sample Okay

I don't want to look at him I feel a bit faint You know after I did medical school I did a couple of years of art school Did you? How do you think

I got so good at drawing blood? I don't like that one as much but it's good at drawing blood? I don't like that one as much, but it's good. It's good. It's good. Where do you like that one as much? Drawing blood. It's my least favourite so far.

Suchi yourself was so good. Yeah, Suchi self was like, probably should have been number one. It's all right. It's all right. Okay. Number three on the list of the top six jokes I'd tell if I was a doctor. Okay, so I'm on my computer. Tip, tip, tip, tip, tip.

Because you're Googling because you don't know. Yeah, I'm Googling because I don't know. Yeah, I'm Googling because I don't know what to do. But then I shoot you a look and I said, did you know that you can be a doctor of websites? Can you?

Yeah, you become a URL-ologist. Jesus. And I'm back. It's getting worse. I'm back. I like that. I like that. Okay, number two on the list

of the top six jokes to tell if I was a doctor. I'm checking your like, your breathing and stuff. Your stethoscope. Hey, did you know one of my other patients is a maths book? Really? Boy, that guy's got some problems.

Yeah, okay. That's not going to suit you. It's too hard. You've started too hot, my friend. Hey, don't cry. No, you're all right. You've just got your order all muddled up. You've just kind of started with the best ones And you're ending

With the worst This is what they call A fizzle But it's fine Yeah I know I'm fizzling My first five Was a tight five

Tight five was Tight five for five minutes Now I'm falling In pieces up here baby It's okay It's okay This last one sucks This was literally like

I just need one more Okay And then this one's The worst Okay Um Okay so imagine You're in my doctor's office Top six jokes This one sucks. This was literally like, I just need one more. Okay. And then this one's the worst. Okay. Okay, so imagine you're in my doctor's office. Top six jokes I'd tell if I was a doctor.

Do you know I visited... What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me so I can do the performance? Oh, no, you're just on your way out. You've got chlamydia again, and I've assigned you... I've assigned you... How many times have I had it? I don't know. Well, I'm just constantly there. Well, I could check your anti-biotics. How many times have I had it? I don't know. Well, I'm just constantly there.

Well, I could check your records if you want. Oh, you're not going to like this. Oh, gosh. Although this is your 12th, so I think you get the next one free. Yes, baker's dozen. And something's baking down there. You're just on your way out. I don't know if you just passed that to the receptionist.

Oh, thank you. Do you know what? I'm off to NASA next week. You're off to your way out. I'm just like, and if you just pass that to the receptionist. Oh, thank you. Do you know what, I'm off to NASA next week. You're off to NASA? Yeah. Got to give the rocket its booster shot. See, I told you,

it's no good. It's no good. What a shame, man. It's such a hard one. It's so strong. Yeah. Suiting yourself. A real fizzle there.

Yeah, big fizzle. Literally made him laugh out loud. Yeah, yeah. And the rest of them were forcing just to sort of seem like we're on board. Yeah. Yep. Oh, bugger. Yeah, yeah. And the rest of them were forcing just to sort of seem like we're on board. Yeah. Yep.

Oh, bugger. Disappointing. It is hard being a doctor. I've heard it's hard being a doctor and I've just proven it to myself. Yeah, you have.

Hard being a doctor. Oh, well. Yesterday's top six. We, when we plan the show Sometimes Every now and then We'll be like

Oh we just need one more break guys We're not sure you know And I screamed I've got it As I was scrolling on Instagram And not really contributing To the group chat There was a food account

That popped up on my page And it shared I guess the new like food trend, which is whipping shit with butter. And the one I saw, the one I saw, which I sent to our little group chat so that we do not forget, was getting a, you know, like a KitchenAid or a mixer,

putting in your butter. You could probably do it with a beater. It's at room temperature, the butter. Room temp. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it can't be too cold. Others will just go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

about in the bowl. Room temp butter and put in your Marmite or your Vegemite. Vegemite's my choice. Marmite for other people. I'm team Marmite. Okay.

I'm a Vegemite boy. Whatever, he's Bover or whatever it's called. He's that British one. You're the runny Marmite. Whatever, Latter-day Saint. I stopped fighting. That's who owns Marmite. What are the Latter-day Saints? I stopped fighting. That's who owns Marmite, isn't it?

The Latter-day Saints. Do they? Yeah, it's sanitarium. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, all right, Jesus freak. And you whip. I just like my places to not pay tax.

You're safe. I like my easy spreads. Yeah, to not pay tax. To be tax free. To be tax free. And you whip whip it and I will show you guys It's like the colour of caramel And it's all light And you know when you get a whipped butter at a fancy

That's like when you're baking Something you want to put your finger in it That's not going to taste as nice as you want it to be sweet Yes it will, it'll be umami Salty deliciousness And that's how you put it on the sweet. Yes it will, it'll be umami, salty deliciousness and that's how you put it on the toast. So people are like. And then, so I mentioned this

when I said I've got the break to fill 658 and I was sharing this Marmite whipped butter thing, producer Jared was like dude, whipping butter is what it's all about at the moment and there's a whole account about making butter.

Putting your butter in a blender and whipping it with like chili flakes and bone marrow and fish sauce or like anything. You whip it all up and you make this creamy sort of like mousse. We go to a place down the road for brunch sometimes and they have like, not pancakes, they call them griddle cakes. They're real, like an inch thick. Yeah, thicky. Like real kind of thick, fluffy ones.

Yeah. And they put like a whipped cinnamon butter. Yeah. And there's sugar in there. Brown sugar, cinnamon, and it's all whippy dippy. It's so yum. And then it melts over the pancake. It's so good.

What? It also makes your butter go further if you're at cafe. Does it? Whipped butter, because it fluffs it up. Because it airs it. You're right. It looks like it's more butter than it is. I just think from now,

it's 2024 and we need to all grow up and start whipping our butter with anything we want. Imagine it with peanut butter. Whipped peanut butter and butter. Oh yeah. Are you using a lot of butter though?

Nutella. What about... Nutella. Whipped Nutella and butter on toast. Would that work? Or is it... It would, eh? Yeah, I think so.

Why are you being a hater right now? Why are you being a hater? Viscosity, is that the right word? Yeah, but that's the whipping that would bring it together, I reckon. What about if you cooked bacon and then you mix in the bacon fat with butter? Okay, now I'm talking. Yeah, totally. And maybe you chucked in some chives.

Yeah. Chives, bacon, maybe some caramel caramelised onion, butter, whip, put it on a toast, crack an egg on it. Yum. Yum. That's pretty good. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's the final rankings.

Today, final rankings, New Zealand hot pools. You've got your classic picturesque Onsen hot pools in Queenstown. Onsen. It's nice. Pricey. And also, you've got to book that out. If you're going for a Queenstown weekend or a week, you have to book that out months in advance,

especially now that the tourists are back. And if you want to go on a weekend or something, it's horrendous and it's expensive. It if you want to go on like a weekend or something. Yeah. It's horrendous. And it's expensive. It's expensive. I'm looking at a list at New Zealand.com. I mean, is there a better website? There's really not.

To ask a question about New Zealand. Is it literally New Zealand.com? New Zealand.com. And then New Zealand.com slash NZ. You've already taken care of that. It should have been New Zealand.co.nz. What if they have some subpages for New Zealand.com slash Australia or something? Maybe.

I don't know. Dot au, yeah. Yeah. And you go for New Zealand.com slash Australia or something? Maybe, I don't know. Dot AU, yeah. Yeah, and you go to New Zealand.com slash AU and it's like, no, not that one. Not that country. Not that one. Next door. Yeah. They've got Onsen Hot Pools.

They've got The Lost Spring in Whitianga. Have you been? No. Again, very bougie, quite expensive. Okay. Te Arawa Mineral Springs. But as I'm a Morrinsville boy, I can't praise that at all. Tekapo Springs.

That looks nice. Big open hot pools. Yeah, that does look nice. Soak in stargaze. I just tried to go on nzhotpools.co.nz. Our work Wi-Fi has deemed it. Oh, yeah, because it's porn. Because of the word hot.

Hot pools. You shouldn't have sex in a hot porn. No, you definitely shouldn't, but I wasn't looking for it to. If it's a geothermically warmed water, it could have. Well, you don't put your head under. It could have the. Cryptosporidium. The bacterium that causes viral meningitis.

This is ridiculous. There's hot tubs at Omarama. Waikiti Valley in Rotorua. Polynesian Spa, Rotorua. What about Hamner Springs? Hamner Springs is number nine. That's hot tubs at O Marama, Waikete Valley in Rotorua, Polynesian Spa, Rotorua. What about Hamner Springs? Hamner Springs is number nine. That's on the list. DeBretts in Taupo.

I've got to put a vote in for a little guy. Okay. Growing up, just out of Matamata. Wait, are you going to put a vote in for your spa pool at home? No. Because you never invite us. It's on my list. And it's broken.

It's on my list. Yeah, it's broken. If anybody wants to give me a pool heater, that'd be great. It's so expensive. And it's broken. It's on my list. Yeah, it's broken. If anybody wants to give me a pool heater, that'd be great. It's so expensive. And to be honest, it's just a cold puddle at the moment. I didn't put the pool in.

The pool was there when I moved in. I don't want a pool. Should we start to give it a little... Nothing but a headache. Our poor friends. We'll take thoughts and prayers to start, but we will help out our poor friends. Shut up, them over here.

There's just out of Matamata, there's Opal Hot Springs. Now, my granddad used to take us there as kids. And they've got a big pool that's heated, and they've got a medium one, and that comes out of the ground. That's heated from the ground, so don't put your head under. You'll get viral meningitis. And then there's a little one that's real hot,

and we always got an ice cream afterwards and some lollies, and then takeaways on the way home. Yeah, right. And we always used to go there. So for me, that's nostalgia. But I love those little ones that are concrete. Yeah. The little concrete ones and they're like, hey, there's hot water here. We should make a thing where

like 60 people sit in it. And then they just pump the water straight out of the ground and into the pool. There's loads around the lakes and go to Edy and stuff. Yeah, they rule. I just don't feel like I've ever just been to any. I know I went to some as a kid but I couldn't tell you which ones. Now, Wainaru Hot Springs, growing up, that's just out of Ngaruahia.

We'd go there. They used to have a big slippery log over it until someone nutted themselves, literally lost a testicle. Oh, okay. They literally lost a testicle on the slippery log. And that's a nice hot pool as well. That's a classic little one with a campground. Always got a campground beside it and a takeaway shop.

Well, we must settle on three, a top three each. I'll go because I don't really know any. Number one, Vaughan's Pool. I had a great night in there, the one night I've been invited. Yeah, and you weighed on this hedge. On this hedge. And the hedges never look better. No, the hedge is dead.

Oh, okay. Acidic. Number two, I'm going to go onsen Queenstown. Queenstown. Even though you know people are having sex on those. You're not supposed to. 100%. Number three.

There's a couple of German tourists and they're like, shall we? Shall we? And she's like, you're not supposed to. I heard on the radio you're not supposed to penetrate in the pool. Who's going to stop us? I keep my wienerschnitzel over here. Yeah. You keep your...

Oh, wait. Who would have the wienerschnitzel? The wienerschnitzel is more of the girl. You put your... The borscht sausage away. Your friend further away. Okay, I'm going to go on scene number two. Vaughan's house number one.

On scene number two. And my neighbour's house number one, on scene number two, and my neighbour's house number three. They've never invited us, but I hope maybe they'll hear this. Wait, your neighbours have got a spa pool and has never... Rude. They've got a sauna as well. What? Yeah.

Wow. You know when we had the scaffolding up on our house? Yeah. I could look down on their property. Oh, you could see it. That's probably where you'd better never invite a journalist. I saw everything. I'm going to go,

now, am I allowed to go Kerosene Creek? Yes. The river? Because that's just fun. Yes. And I went there like at the start of the year and it was just amazing. Yes.

Amazing. A natural sort of a hot spot. It's natural. I mean, it's a bit murky and gross and, you know. Oh, yeah. It's muddy bottom day. You've got to kind of walk in and you were just like, you know,

what's going to happen here? Yeah. But maybe I'll go two for that. I think I'll go, You're trying to walk in and you were just like, you know, what's going to happen here? Yeah. But maybe I'll go two for that. I think I'll go Hamner for number one because it's got hydro slides. And you know I love hydro slides. I want to go to Hamner. And so many hot pools.

And if you go in winter, it's just magical. It's great fun. Yeah. And then I'll go Kerosene Creek number two because it's natural and it's just something different. And then I'll go on some three. Like, just getting the text messages in, we definitely need to do a definitive map of hot pools that rule. Yeah.

We could do one of our famous maps. Yeah. Hot pools that rule. Because the people are messaging in ones I hadn't even thought about. Parakai Springs out west. Oh, yeah. That's like a legendary spot. Yeah. Miranda hot pools on the Thames coast. That's west. Oh, yeah. That's like a legendary spot. Miranda Hot Pools on the Thames Coast.

That's gorgeous. Never been there. Never heard of it. Oh, there's a bird sanctuary and there's a campground. I love birds. It's a great spot. And, of course, there's Hot Water Beach if you dig your own spa pool. Yeah, see your ass in it.

Wow. Yeah. Okurure Hot Springs. I've never been. Opuke Thermal Pools in Methven are a 10 out of 10. Swim up bar, adults only area, private pools. That's awesome. Methven.

Waikete Valley. My three is going to have to be three, Wainaro Hot Springs. Okay. Two, the Mount. It's got to be the Mount Pools as a young man. Oh, yeah. I mean mean the beach was right there Yeah But if you've got to go

To the hot pools And like Everybody was just A little bit closer And I had bad vision So I couldn't see far Yeah right So the hot pools

You were closer You were closer To see some boobies Is that what you're saying? You got closer to the boobies Boobies, boobies, boobies And that's always in one's mind And also

It used to And I could not find it In the summer just gone When we were at the Mount The hot water used to drain out into the sea. Really? Because it pumped out of the sea, heated up, and pumped back into the sea. I believe.

So it's really salty. You used to go swimming in the harbour right by the outlet for the hot pools. And you'd be like, oh, that smells nice. I don't think they do that now. I can't imagine they do. And number one, it's got to be Opal Hot Springs just outside of Matamata. But get out there if you're in the area. If you're listening to the show in Matamata.

Now I want a hot pool. I just want a little warm, tepid bath. Maybe run one tonight. I'd have a bath. Stuffed up there. You've just done a reno and you didn't put a bath in. Stuffed up. Yeah.

Someone said they still do vent into the harbour. Do they? Yeah, I've got to know whereabouts. Because it used to be beside the boat ramp. Could not find it for the life of me last time. So you could put your mum by it and be like, yeah, hot, yeah. I'm getting this for free.

It's got lots of wheeze and stuff in it, but I'm getting it for free. 17 past seven. Next on the show, there has been a huge increase in Australia of something. And do you know what? Holler. Holler at it.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Apparently, there has been a 79% increase in... No, you've stuffed that up. No, you say nice when it's 79%. 69. Because it's two, up ones, up ones down. Yeah, but it's 10 more than 69, so it's extra nice. Yeah, okay.

No, it's, somebody's fallen off their chair because the legs broke. So that's the seven and then their bum's on the ground and that's the... Yeah. That's not nice actually.

That's embarrassing. Okay, sorry. Embarrassing. And you always blame the chair. You're always like, oh, these cheap shitty chairs. You're an idiot. Apparently there's been a 79,

not nice, just a number, percent increase in requests for prenuptial agreements. This is in Australia? In Australia. Wow, okay.

That's a huge increase in something that's like, for me, I'm like, it's so awkward. It's got quite a negative stereotype because, well, not a stereotype, a negative stigma, I guess, because you're basically like protecting yourself for a future breakup.

And when you're about to marry, the last thing you're thinking of is your inevitable split. Because you're like absolutely in love with someone, right? But then it's different if you're young and you grow up with someone and you're together with someone for ages and you're both equal, right? But if you were to meet someone later in life and you've got a lot going or you've got some family stuff, you've got an asset.

Well, you've got your KiwiSaver, you might even have a house. Yeah. Then you'd be kind of silly not to. And a lot of people do. I know. Australian lawyers are saying substantial rise in people requesting

BFAs, they're called. They're binding financial agreements. Right. And they can look like anything. They can look like, you could just put like one or two things on a prenuptial agreement. Would you be offended if somebody asked you to sign one? Because some people get offended. If I was to start a relationship now, I would. I'd be 100%. As we

approach that. For yourself? For myself. Yeah, of course 100% yeah I'm immensely wealthy you know I am swimming in money

are you? yeah that little dash before the money I have is like take or leave that's a minus no mine's red because it's like

congratulations no no that means you owe the bank that money for your house no it's like ring the alarm ring the alarm he's a millionaire yeah I don't think it is I don't think it is No, no, that means you owe the bank that money for your house. No, it's like, ring the alarm, ring the alarm. Yeah, it's like a great idea.

He's a millionaire. Yeah. I don't think it is. I don't think it is. You don't know anything. Do you know anything about maths? I know that it's- His is green, like blue.

Like green. Lame. Neutral. Yeah. Natural. Dumb. Red's like, ring the alarm, ring the alarm. You know, famously, famously in nature any flashing red

red mushrooms yeah red mushrooms red spiders those are all good things go go go you know like if there's a nuclear meltdown

yeah of course nuclear waste that's green yeah like your bank statements not red like other great

raspberries raspberries it would be awkward though. Imagine seeing someone, like maybe you're a year in and you're like, okay, well, two years.

I don't know, I reckon don't leave it too long. I reckon if you're like a year in and you're going, I'm really liking this person or whatever. Just be like, hey, we should have a chat

because I'm really happy with you and I'm really liking this but you know, there are some things I would like to protect. And if we're together forever, you get it all. Yeah, yeah. It's not like I'm really happy with you and I'm really liking this, but, you know, there are some things I would like to protect. And if we're together forever, you get it all. Yeah, yeah. It's not like I'm like, can't mind.

Like, if we do last, it's not going to impact you. But if we don't, I'm just making myself safe. But then anything you accrue as a couple's different, right? Separate. Yeah, that's... Prenuptial. That's the whole thing. Because then if they bought the winning lotto ticket

and you're like, no. Yeah. And they're like, remember that prenupto ticket and you're like, no. Yeah. And they're like, remember that prenup you made me sign? Yeah, exactly. So I'm getting the 50. It's what you bring into it. It's not what you accrue from your time together. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Correct. So one thing they're seeing lots of is people who have children from previous relationships and say they've got a house. They're like, I'm just protecting my asset because it's not about you. It's theirs, really. So my kids get something. Yeah, so they've got something for their future. Yeah.

And you're a bit flighty, eh? That's what it also says to the person. You're a bit flighty. You're a bit flighty. I love you for now. Yeah, and I believe my, as I said, big red number. Every time I open my banking app, I think you might just be here for the big red number. Every time I open my banking app, I think you might just be here for the big red number.

Well, they're saying despite, you know, that negative stigma still being attached to asking for a prenup, you should do it. Do it. It's good. Listen, you. You're being an absolute menace in this studio today. Just having a bit of a chuckle with you.

Behind the scenes TV. Do you know, we were just sitting in here before, and Vaughan, we've got these chairs behind me in studio. Vaughan, you sat down, and you said, what did you say? Oh, I've got... I've got a rumbly tummy. I've got an absolute rumbly tummy. And then this happened.

Oh my God! I gave warning. I didn't know it was going to be broadcast. I don't personally know. That sloppy sound you heard, you know what? You'll be surprised. I know it dries the bone back there.

One more time. One more time. Oh! That is you. Tape us up. Tape us up. Oh! Someone needs to sample that.

I've been trying to eat better and I've been trying to exercise more over the last three weeks. Have you been working on your gut health? I think by default, when you're eating better, you're going to have better. No, but are you kimchi? Are you getting some fermented foods in there? I almost absolutely swore at you. You did?

No, not yet. That's next stage. But then last night after the awards ceremony, we went and I was just like, this is the one meal of the week where I do it. Blow out. And I had like spicy fried chicken. I had like a Korean sweet and sour chicken burger. I had a couple of beers. And then

this morning when I woke up I was like Can I say though, even though that sounded one more time please. One more time. Do we have to? Yeah, one more time. Sounded like that. Not, please. One more time. Oh, do we have to? Yeah, one more time. Sounded like that. Not a smell to it. And magically dry.

Magically dry. And the tamper of that. Let's leave it there. We've got a chance here to win cash coming up with Human Shazam soon at 8 o'clock. Next on the show, though, an iconic lolly is up for a change. And I'm devastated about this.

I'm really upset. I might go and see what other radio stations are even here this morning. Oh, yeah, go on. I'm having a little walk. Some of them are here, but they're not here in body. What in this place in a shape? Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

I do have some sad news now I am a lolly fiend that would be my sweet food of choice is lollies over chocolate over biscuits I just all of them yeah you've got a sweet tooth I love lollies, gummy lollies

one of my favourite lollies sorry I'm just doing a vibe check on Georgia how are you feeling? she's bright bushy eyed? no gym this morning One of my favourite lollies, sorry, I'm just doing a vibe check on Georgia. How are you feeling? How are you feeling? She's bright. She's bright, you've been in the gym. Was she eyed? Nah, no gym this morning. No gym this morning.

That's all right. Neither. You've just joined us at awards last night. Yeah, so the whole radio industry. A bit dusty. It is a bit dusty. Not us. Anyway, one of my favourite lollies

in a little pick-a-mic bags is the hard-ass crocodile. You know the one that's like, when you bite it off of your teeth. All the different colours. Yep. All the different colours. Because you can get the really big ones, eh?

Really big ones. Giant killer crocs, those are called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about your regular ones that you'll find in a little $2 baggie at the dairy and they're tough as hell's teeth.

Now, our friends at Pick and Mix, NZ who do the Pick and Mix lollies, I went on their TikTok and they have some news for us. Your favourite Kiwi lollies are changing. We just cracked open a fresh delivery of Macy's crocodiles today and found that they've switched the recipe on us. So these are all the same shape, but they've changed colour and texture. A lot of people like Macy's crocodiles because they are quite firm, quite tough, quite chewy.

These new ones are not. They are soft as they are like a normal gummy lolly. Like a normal gummy lolly. That's Dave. Dave Next Door works. I've told you this. Dave Next Door works at the lolly factory. And yet you still don't bring lollies in.

Well, I said to him, I said to Dave, I was like, my mum loves the Macy's raspberry drops. Yeah. And she couldn't find them anywhere. And then bloody Dave brings me home a big huge box of them. Well, I love sour Coke bottles. I love all of the lollies. I love all the lollies.

Now tell him I said I love all the lollies. He's going to give you the factory. So the new, the Macy's crocodiles, which is, that's the tough crocodile that we know. It's gone soft like a gummy Like a Like a Like a natural Confectionary dinosaur

Not that soft That's ridiculous Or jet plane Like a jet plane I always thought a jet plane Would have been the same As a crocodile Same

If the jet plane was as thick Or as big No no no no no no no Jet plane's small Softer Softer No no look Like a

Yeah like more of a snake But I wouldn't say Your natural snakes I'm just showing you there oh wow okay it bends like that oh yeah

one of the new ones and it bends like a normal gummy oh okay I prefer them that way I think it's a wise move from Mason

yeah I like softer you're halfway to a K bar when you've got a hard hard crocodile you're halfway there but I think in a mix in a two dollar mix it's kind of welcome

gummy gummy there's a little chalky square and then... Because would you, like, would you chew it and bite it or would you, like,

suck it until it dissolves? No, I'd bite. Back teeth. Yeah. Look at how hard that is to eat for a lolly. I know. And I've got buttery soft teeth

that wiggle. So, like, not great. That's because they've probably done it for you. It's a life of eating Macy's hard crocodiles. Yeah. Stuffed in the teeth. So they've made them softer so you can still enjoy your crocodilian trick.

Maybe they were paying too much ACC premiums for all the broken teeth. Oh, yeah, maybe. And now they're like, okay, we'll just make them softer. Make them softer. Well, I'm devastated. It's like when hard jubes went off the shelf and now we're going to get soft jubes. I know, I miss the hard jubes. I was a hard jube fan. It's not the devastated. It's like when hard jibs went off the shelf and now we're going to get soft jibs. I know, I miss the hard jibs. I was a hard jib fan.

It's not the same. It's not the same. So if you get some of these crocodiles, you'll see them being a little bit softer. Everything is changing. It is not the same. Everyone in this world is getting soft. Everything's getting soft. It's PC madness.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There was a toddler and the toddler was very unhappy, having sinus pain, was feeling tired. Three months they were like, oh, my God, like what's happening with our little baby? And they discovered that this stupid little child had a raisin lodged in its nose. This silly little human that knows utterly nothing. She had a little raisin lodged in its nose. This silly little human that knows utterly nothing.

She had a little raisin lodged up her nose and it lived there for three months. So what, she'd been like eating raisins and then just what, fingered one up her nose? Put fingers up their nose. I remember doing that as a kid even. Putting things in my mouth all the time. Coins.

Things in your nose. It's just a hole. August was sniffing some she picked some sealant oh yeah and it's called of course the sealant sealed around her nose and then straight up there and i could see it was how long ago that'd be like five years ago and shade and indy were out and i was like lying around the kitchen table with a flashlight like trying to put just couldn't do it just couldn't get it out and she couldn't blow hard enough to get it out what'd you do hospital yeah we went to a, just couldn't do it, just couldn't get it out and she couldn't blow hard enough to get it out. What did you do?

Hospital? Yeah, we went to A&E and they- They suck it out. They fished it out, yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. They had some long

sort of like barbecue tongs. Yeah. It's so, oh, she's so sweet. because you know what, they have to fish out an A&E. Oh yeah. Oh I know.

Sterilise the tools. A raisin is the, you know, the least of their issues. It's low end end isn't it as the mum said she's like you turn your back

for two seconds she's thumbing raisins into her nose one lived there for three months and it actually made her feel really sick because it was

blocking her airways and she was just feeling all out of it out comes the raisin she's fine now and she's a toddler she's a hap three years old sweet little thing

couldn't probably communicate what was happening yeah within five minutes they discovered this raisin now this got us thinking what was happening. Yeah, within five minutes they discovered this raisin. Now, this got us thinking. What was stuck in you? Maybe you had something lodged in something. Now, this is crazy.

Well, people put things in their ears, don't they? Yeah. And they get stuck in there. I've told you the story about Keithy. Who's Keithy? Well, we met an emergency nurse that worked in Sydney years ago at a Mardi Gras. Oh, yeah. And just got talking to her and shit. We were just, like, talking about what we did. The gay Mardi Gras. No, no, no. at a Mardi Gras. Oh, yeah. And just got talking to her and shit.

We were just like talking about what we did. The gay Mardi Gras. No, no, no, the snow Mardi Gras. The snow Mardi Gras. Well, the gays are welcome. Yeah, no, absolutely. I don't think everybody's welcome at the Mardi Gras. No, I just can't ever remember you saying I went to Sydney Mardi Gras.

No, I didn't go to Sydney Mardi Gras. I went to Hoakune Mardi Gras. It was a less gay. Well, it's too cold for the gays. Way too cold. They thrive in a warmer climate. They do. Like lizards.

She told us about Keithy, and Keithy was a repeat visitor. He was a fellow that was living rough and had a whole lot of problems. He'd pop a safety pin down his urethra. Oh, yeah. Keithy. Keithy. You have told me this. safety pin down his urethra. Oh, yeah. Keithy. Keithy. And then he'd grab the, he'd squeeze the penis

and undo the safety pin inside the urethra. Vaughn Allen. These aren't the calls we want. And then she'd say, she'd see him coming in and he'd have a big smile on his face and they'd be like,

Keithy. And he's like, oh, good. And one time he came in and she said this was the last time she'd dealt with him before we saw her. And she said, and he's like, I did it again. And one time he came in and she said this was the last time she'd dealt with him before we saw her and she said,

and he said, you'll never guess how many I've got in there now. Oh no. Oh my God. See, that's a problem there. I would like to go home now. That's just awful.

Yeah, now I remember that story. Keithy. Keithy. Keithy. Those are the stories. That's an on purpose. You'll never guess how many I've got in there. That's an on purpose.

That's an on purpose story. Well, maybe it was on purpose. You put something in there on purpose. Like an ear bud and it broke off. We talked about that woman who put a little small bullet. That's right. Buzzing bullet that was supposed to go in the front. She popped it in the back. Different layout in there.

Couldn't get it out. Had to go to the hospital back. Different layout in there, couldn't get it out. Had to go to the hospital while... Is there a different layout back there? Well, there's different ends and walls and all sorts of things that prevent things like that. Unbelievable. I know. It's a wild world down there.

You have no idea. So maybe you were cleaning your ears, you got something stuck, or a bug. Cleaning your ears. You hear of people sleeping and bugs. Okay, can I please, I'm tired, no MOT, can I, please, I'm tired. No MOTHs in the ears. I'll die.

If someone rings in and they had a MOTH insect crawl into their body. That's amazing you can even spell it out. I know you hate them. I'm struggling. It's getting stronger. I'm getting stronger. Thank you. Every day, day by day, things are getting better. Congrats on your story, but please don't bring it to the air.

Okay, so 0800800DANCE.M we want to take some calls after the toddler had a raisin stuck up their nose For three months You can text in as well 9696 Oh my god

Okay the stories are coming in What? Oh Keithy was it a lie? We're stuck in you Well we'll get to those next There is a story about a toddler How old was the toddler? Three years old, popped a raisin up her nose

Parents didn't know She was starting to feel unwell Three months later they found the raisin Three months Which prompted and asked the question What got stuck in you? Now, far apart You can imagine

We don't need to say much more About some of the messages we're receiving. I mean, we're getting some funny messages. Looked after someone in hospital who'd been playing with an egg-shaped lip balm. Playing with? Playing with an egg-shaped lip balm. So the container. Yep.

And it went in and wouldn't come out. And they tried to use a speculum and pliers to remove it, but it was too slippery. So they had to basically get it to lay the egg. Put pressure from the rear. Oh, dear. Get it back out. Yeah.

Like a chicken. You'd think you'd do that at home first, eh? Like you'd try to do that at home first. Dude, I would. You would bear down. Yeah, you would. Yeah. You'd find me dead with a vacuum up there

and be like, and I'd still be happier because then at least I didn't have to look them in the eye as they dealt with it. I'm gone. Let's go a bit more PG. Joyce, good morning. What did you have stuck in you? Or you have at the moment?

Morning, team. Morning. Yeah, disclaimer. I didn't do this. So I went for a root canal about 10 years ago, and this tooth is causing issue now. So I went to the dentist, and they're like, did the dentist tell you that their tool broke off

and it's in your gum? Oh, my goodness. I'm going to go to the specialist and get it taken out. But there's two ways. They have to bust open the tooth and go back through the roots to take it out or apparently like break or cut open your bone that's in your gum to take it out. Oh my God.

Joyce, I mean ACC will be coming to the party for this I'm imagining. I'm still waiting to hear back from them because as you can imagine the dentist never told me that it happened which meant that they never lodged an ACC claim ever. Oh my God. Oh either. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

But it's the dentist that did it. Are they the ones you're going back to? No. They don't exist anymore. You're going to go back and give them another shot? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. But surely if your new dentist is like,

all signs point towards this being a dental tool, it's been in there for 10 years, it's caused all this problem, ACC's got to come to the party. Hopefully. There's nothing in my dentist notes though that say that this happened. If you're a dentist and you snap a tool off in someone's tooth,

you're not putting it in their mouth again, I'd say. Especially if it's that Friday 4 o'clock appointment, you're like, yeah. 10 years ago, dentists used to be able to smoke durries while they't say it. Especially if it's that Friday four o'clock appointment, you're like, yeah. Might just let that slip. Ten years ago, dentists used to be able to smoke durries while they were doing it. Oh my God,

it was a different time back in 2014. Joyce, that's so wild. Good luck with the dentist today, it's never fun. I'm really sorry

to hear that. Sounds like it's going to be a painful either way, I hope it's not going to be. Carl, what was stuck in you? I shot myself with a nail gun.

Do you know what? Having just renovated a house, those things blast. They scare the shit out of me. My dad bought one recently. We've been using it and it rules. No, they're awful. I've never got to use one. Now, Carl, I thought that they had to press into the surface to fire.

Yeah, so I was shooting into a piece of timber and I shot it too quickly. And I got the full brunt of, so it didn't actually go into the timber, just straight into the finger. And it was in, like, the ring finger. And the top knuckle went right beside that. And did it bust it? It went slightly to the side. Oh, yeah.

It would have taken my finger off. Sounds like God. And then they just fill it out with gloves. Oh. And then, so, does your finger look fine now, or does it have a tiny little hole? It's a mangle finger. Do you have a nickname because of this?

No, it was too many years ago. Too many years ago. Oh, my gosh. I just changed Bill. Ringy. Oh, you're ringy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your oar, put your oar. I just changed Bill. Ringing. Oh, you're ringing. Put draw, put draw. Carl, thank you.

Stacey, good morning. Hey, how you going? Good. What did you get stuck in you? I'm an early childhood teacher, so children put gross stuff up their nose. Yeah. And we had a week in which all of a sudden started smelling quite strange. Okay. And we couldn't work out what it was.

And two months later, they finally found that he'd shoved a pom-pom right up his nose and it ended up in his what's it called? Sinuses. A pom-pom? Like a potato pom-pom? No! Like a little cotton ball.

Like a fun little decorative thing. Like a potato. And that's a fun little decorative thing. Yuck, okay. Like a potato. That's what Jared said as well. You hungry man. While we're on it, how good a potato pom-pom is? Second only to a tot. I'll tell you what, Alison Gofton used to love topping a dish with pom-poms. Dude, Alison Gofton's shepherd's pie pom-pom tot,

one of New Zealand's finest culinary creations. This is why I asked if it was a potato pom-pom. Shepherd's pie pom-pom tot. Yeah. One of New Zealand's finest culinary creations. This is why I asked if it was a potato pom-pom. Shit pie pom-pom topped. Yeah. Okay, brilliant. Stacey, thank you for that. Thanks, Stacey. We'll get to more of those texts and messages next because it's grim.

It's wild. Play ZM's Fletch for the daily. Play ZM. It's just something that I wanted to bring up with you, Fletch. Oh, my God. It's not a major, but I just have questions around it. Because you guys were all at a celebration last night, an awards ceremony, an industry thing,

and I was unable to be there because I'm in such high demand I was actually working on something else. I can't even tell you what it is because it's just so top secret. Yeah, such high demand. Such high demand. I was unable to attend. But I wrapped kind of around 10.45ish last night where I was. You're not even burning the candle at both ends.

You've just melted wax onto the morality stage. You're just a puddle of... Yeah, you're just a puddle of wax. And a wick sticking out. Yeah. No wick sticking out Yeah No wick Just a flamethrower on the wax Aaron said to me yesterday

How are you feeling? And I said I think fatigue is a mindset And he was like Right And I said Tiredness is an emotion And not a reality

Oh you're about to launch One of those broadcasts Yeah I work three hours a day But I'm awake 24 hours a day. I get three days in my one day. I eat nothing but livers. No, it's fine.

I'm nearly at the end of it. Anyway. Just get through to Christmas. Just got to get Christmas out of the way, get to my 40th, and then after my 40th, I just need to see out this half of the century, and I'm fine. 50 on, I will thrive. What did I do?

I didn't do anything. I rapped and I was working with a couple of other people that work within our industry and I was asking, you know, are you guys popping off to the party? One of them was. The other one wasn't. I was like so tired

that I was almost like, I could come and say hello. So I jumped on Find My Friends, of which I don't have that many people, and only to discover that Fletcher's turned his off. And he's able to see my location. Wait, what? I've got a word for that in the business.

It's called a creep. You are able to follow where I'm at. I can see where Fletcher's, because this morning I was up earlier than usual. Yes. And I was like, I'm going to beat Fletch to work. And just before I left home, I looked. He was already at work before I even left home.

Well, last night, for some reason, post 10.30. I wasn't anywhere bad. Carl Fletcher can see your location, but I can't see yours. Why have you turned me off? This is him. Just floating in nowhere. But it just says Carl Fletcher can see your location. Do you know sometimes with my group of friends,

I do turn my, find my off for like a little bit. Yeah, for a weekend here or there. Do you know what? The gaggle are so nosy. You'll be somewhere and they'll message you. And they'll be like, why are you there? It's like, are so nosy. You'll be somewhere and they'll message you. But you do it. And they'll be like, why are you there? It's like, mind your own business.

You do it. You're like, where's Dr. Shawnee? Oh, here he is. You do it all the time. It's the boring married gaggle living vicariously through you. They want to know what? We want to see. Shenanigans you're up to. And we want to try to figure it out.

Why do you change me off? I just want to make sure you're not dead because if you die, it sounds like work for me. Well, you can't die no so this happens I'll die if one of us has to die I'll die do you know what I will say

I haven't turned it off I can see now it's not turned off but sometimes you have to re-add people for it to like see you again I think you've been up

to no good and you have turned me off because I tell you what I could see I could see producer Jared oh my god was he I saw see producer Jared. Oh my God, was he at J.J. I saw that producer Jared

was in Vini's house. Well, I'm trying to put two and two together. She's back on the market. Don't start rumours. She's back on the market. I was talking to her but I left the party without her.

I actually left with our friend Morgan because she was saying, we've got a scandal here. Scandal queen. I'm the new scandal queen. You are the new, yeah. Is that contagious,

is it? I believe so. Yeah, you put her, who's the scandal queen. No, okay. Is that contagious, is it? I believe so. Yeah, you put her, who's Scandal Queenie. No, okay, so I haven't done it on purpose. We'll fix this, and you can see where I am.

Because I was like, look, I'll just have a quick look to see where he is, and if I see that he's not at his house, maybe I'll message him and be like, vibe check. Yeah, shall I come? Am I coming into town?

Yeah. If I had heard that after all the absolute hollow sack of a human I've seen you in the situations, you're a professional, you turn up and for on air, you're all here, baby, but then you switch off, you go into a sort of a hypnotic state and you turn up at this other gig you're doing, you turn on, you're there until 11 o'clock at night.

If I had heard that after that you'd gone out again, Hayley, Jane Sproul. I wasn't. You would have had a rocker. I was just, I was tootooing with the idea. When I saw that Gerard was at home in his suburb, I was like, that's a sign that, you know, you guys aren't all together, the five of you,

and I'm the only one not there. We had a sensible early night. But I looked for Fletch and I just thought, hmm. We had a dinner last eve. Fletch and I just thought, hmm. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. We had a dinner last eve after an awards ceremony and we went where

there were robot waiters. I've never been there. I haven't been yet. The future. It is the future. Every time we're like, where do you guys want to go for dinner? They'll be like, robot waiters. Anywhere with robot waiters. There's apparently some hotels in New Zealand that are using these as well for room service. Kobunko and Rotorua have some, as my kids call them, the kawaii cat waiters.

Yeah, they're cats, aren't they? They're cats. They're Japanese robots. It's so good. The food gets delivered by the robots. I mean, it's bad that people aren't having jobs. And, well, the robot didn't make any mistakes, but the human waitress made four.

So we're trying to be supportive. I say the robot was more than we planned. We tried to give our gay friend a beer. Ordered a drink. He ordered a Prosecco because I believe that's the homosexual drink of choice. That's why I've been getting gayer and gayer every year. The more Prosecco I drink, the more I see women so much more attractive than men drink of choice. Yeah, that's why I've been getting gayer and gayer every year. The more Prosecco I drink, the more I see women so much more attractive than men.

Fascinating. Yeah. I might start a conspiracy about estrogen levels. It's the gay drink, Prosecco and estrogen. That's your PhD right there. Yeah. The link. The unknown yet to be discovered but fully proven link.

It's called the gay drink. The gay, gay, gayseco. The gay air? Yeah. How about the gay drink? Yeah. So he ordered a Prosecco and it didn't turn up. And we said, excuse me, his drink didn't show up.

Did you do this? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But actually, can you click at a robot waiter? Well, they don't have feelings. Now, Jared touched the robot waiter in a way last night that you certainly wouldn't get away with touching. Sorry?

It was like some kind of handle and Jared kind of caressed it and tickled it. He tickled it. He was about to push the send back button but then we hadn't got all of our food I said, you don't touch it until you don't press that because it'll just literally scoot off with your food. Had Jared had drinks? Jared had had a very

purple cocktail. It was delicious. Oh no. Because his one drink is the equivalent of us having four. Yeah, yeah. So then the robot, we were finished and he was like, he tickled and he was like, off you go. Like that. Now you wouldn't do that to anyone. You wouldn't do it at Lone Star.

It sang a song. It sang a song when he tickled it. Oh. It was like, it was happy. It's a version of giggling. It was like a bloody Tamagotchi. It feels like some kind of harassment, I'll say it. I'm sorry. It was a It was epic It's a version of giggling It was like a bloody Yeah Tamagotchi It feels like Some kind of harassment I'll say it

I'm sorry It was a bit weird I saw like A finger Groove You saw a groove And you're like Alright Harvey Weinstein

Yeah geez It really is Like even though We were all adults And like I've been To this restaurant before I still giggled And I was just overcome with joy.

Because it weaves its way through the tables. Is it us? Is it us? Because you can't see the food because you can only get it from the sides. And when it's weaving its way, come in, what do you like? There were like tables and families of kids and we were as excited as the kids. Easily. Of course.

It's so exciting. Knowing you guys, probably more so. Yeah. Shout out robot waiters. I mean, we're all going to be like retiring in a retirement village and each have one of these in our room to keep us company. I think I'm going to say we'll all be replaced soon, but not us. No one can do what we do.

Hopefully we have the fairly up robots that Jared had last night because I guess that'll pass the time as well. Why not? I personally cannot wait. Fact of the day is next week This week it's heart rate week. I'm just thinking about things you could program the robot to learn.

There'll be attachments too. There'll be attachments for you. Oh, yes. ZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

I think this is a courier. You guys carry on. Oh, no, we'll wait. Yeah, no. Hello. We'll wait. Yeah, hello. This is the courier that's been like eight times and keeps taking it back to the depot.

So this is quite important. Listen, we've all been through this struggle, haven't we? If you call back on the intercom, I can let you into the door. Oh. Bit of feedback there. Headphones are too loud. Unprofessional. Miss you. So now are you going to get another call? Yes. Paul, just wait. I think we should just wait. It wasn't Aramex, so they've really gone the extra mile

here. It wasn't Aramex. It wasn't. No. Okay. Or is Aramex giving it to somebody else? No, I don't know who it is. They sort of all pass it around. Okay, should be open. Yeah, good. There we go. Okay, good. That's good. Where's he putting that though? Apartment life, eh? In the foyer. It's not going to get stolen. No, it won't.

No, he's got a little flap. Yeah, I've got a big flap actually. It's quite a big flap. I've had a rosey in the flap. Yeah, it goes in the flap. Yeah, I've had a look in the flap before. Robbers can't get in the flap. No further questions here on us. Because there's spikes if you climb in it. Yeah. For the robbers. That's wild. Had to fish a guy out of there the other day, so. Yeah. Just left him on the footpath. Yep, fair enough.

But, you know, that's his fault for trying to get into the mail flap. That's what I say. What are you doing in there, you crazy sucker? Anyway, you should have carried on. That didn't need to be a big side sidebar. No, the side quest needed to be completed. Life doesn't just stop when we're on air, does it? Sometimes we've got things to do.

I've got a plumber in my house. He's got a multitude of questions. Oh, I've probably got someone at my place. Questions, questions, questions. Questions, questions, questions. So, today's Fact of the Day, the final for Heart Rate Week. We're learning facts about the heart rate. It is about the mammalian diving reflex. Okay. We're mammals. You the heart rate. It is about the mammalian diving reflex.

Okay. We're mammals. You and me. Hayley, you're also a mammal. I think so. We ain't nothing but mammals. So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Feeling horny now.

Bloodhound Gang could have probably been a great. Yeah, well. No, no, I'm happy what I wear with that. What is the one, that song, what is that song called? Lake. Isn't it called The Bad Touch. What is that song called? Lip. Isn't it called The Bad Touch? Yes. Is that it?

Yes. Is this the censored version? Well, we'll find out. Sweat, baby sweat. Yeah, this is it. Mammals. Okay, good. We've got a soundtrack.

We've got a soundtrack for the diving reflex. It means... Mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. If you need to lower your heart rate, put your face in cold water. Oh, yeah. It tricks the body into thinking you're about to go underwater where you need to start using less oxygen because we can't breathe underwater. I wonder if that means your heart rate when you swim.

Like when I go swimming, will that mean my heart rate's... When your whole body's in there, your blood vessels in the arms, hands, legs, and feet can strip, so less blood flow. Yep. Because your body wants to... It's kind of taught itself...

Taught? Teach? It's teached? It's taught itself. It's taught itself. It taught itself. It has taught itself. It's seen it and it has.

It's done it. It done taught itself. It done teached itself. Yeah, okay, good. Ah, that. It needs to use less oxygen because we're mammals and it done it. Yeah. It done taught itself. It done teached itself. Yeah. Okay, good. That it needs to use less oxygen because we're mammals and we require it that when we're underwater. Mammals. Pausing.

So their blood, everything constricts. So there's less need for it to flow. Yeah. And it also slows down. So we use less oxygen. So when we're's less need for it to flow. Yeah. And it also slows down so we use less oxygen so when we're underwater we can do more stuff. Oh, yeah. Than we could if we were just above. Yeah. Farting about and a little bit nervous.

What are we farting about? We're just up here, we're just farting about. And it's called the mammalian... Spit it out. Spit it out, boy. Mammalian diving response. Okay. Yeah.

So if you feel your heart racing, you want to calm down, one thing you can do is like override any like, I just need to calm down, I just need to calm down. Face in a bowl of cold water and your heart rate will... This is amazing to hear the science behind why, because it's a big thing for PCOS women. Putting your face in a bowl of cold water in the morning, because PCOS women have high cortisol levels,

which is a stress hormone. Yep. And that converts to testosterone and that's why your PCS goes crazy. Yep. But to bring that down, that's one of the things they recommend. And now I'm sort of understanding why.

The black glove. Yep. Lowering stress. Yeah, the cortisol can't flow around as quickly. Does it work for a cold shower as well? Yeah, the whole body. The whole body would be good, but... But the face, once the face itself was like underwater...

Yep. You know, when you're in a shower, you can still breathe. Yeah, yeah. It's like it was just raining, but this is from the diving underwater situation. How incredibly fascinating. How incredibly fascinating. Oh, no. Oh, that was mind-blowing.

That was fascinating. Now let's hear it from the Bloodhound Gang. You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. That would have been a way better Friday flashback. It would have been.

Also, I believe this is after 2000. Yeah. You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. This would have been a way better Friday flashback. It would have been. Also, I believe this was after 2000. Yeah. On the Discovery Channel. You didn't really know. So today's fact of the day for Heartbreak Week. If you want to slow down your heart rate. Oh my God, spit it out. Stick your face in it.

Spit it out, boy! The more you shout the... Come on, boy! Speak, boy! Speak, boy! Speak! And that is the king's speech. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Local Gen Z-er, Shandog.

Never heard this song in her life. What? Shandog Millionaire? Shandog Millionaire. You haven't heard the lyrics, put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts. I did not know this was a thing. I'm here for it.

I love the vibe. You wait till you hear the Bloodhound Gang song. Foxtrot Unicorn. Yes. Let's do it. God, brilliant. Brilliant. It's Benson Boone's Slow It Down on ZM. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

It's quarter to nine. I love delegation. Probably why I'm such a successful manager. I'll be one to delegate. So this story out of India made me. You're going to delegate this to Hayley. Out of India. I'm actually going to delegate to.

Was it India or China? It was China. It was China. Wow, cancelled. Yeah. This is what happens because I delegated Fletch to find out what ethnicity this was. And, cancelled. Yeah. This is what happens because I delegated Fletch to find out what ethnicity this was, and he's told me.

This is a lie. This is a lie. He stitched me up. Now, this is a great start to the story we ban any other radio station from talking about. Yeah. So there was a businessman. His name is Tan Yohui. He hired a hitman to take out, you know what that means, his competitor for $282,000.

Yeah. Now, no, that's where am I, BBC.com, £218,000. So we're heading towards half a million dollars. But then that hitman was like, I don't want to get into that. So the hitman hired a hitman to do the job. Like sub, what do you call that? Like when you- Subcontractor.

Subcontractor. Yeah, subbies. So he got a subbie in. And then does he say how much he offered him? Like whalies? Listen to this. Listen to this. Okay, so I can't be bothered translating.

So let's just say the businessman hired the first hitman for $282,000. Yeah, okay. That hitman then hired a hitman, offered $282,000. Yeah, okay. That hitman then hired a hitman, offered $141,000. That hitman then hired another hitman who hired another hitman who hired another hitman. We got five hitmen.

Businessman, five hitmen all to do the job. And it's like when you drive past roadworks, they're all just standing there leaning on a sniper rifle. Yeah, literally just like, look what you're doing. I don't think there needs to be this many people here. So...

But none of them could go through with it. So they were like, well, I can't do this, but I want the money, but I'll hire someone else. Yeah. Subcontract, yeah. So then, so it's five hitmen and this original guy, Tan. The plan fell to absolute pieces when the last hitman, fifth hitman,

turned up to do that, met the guy who he was supposed to off and was like, I really don't want to do this. You must have been a hell of a nice guy. Yeah.

I really don't want to do this. Are you happy to maybe fake your own death? Get out of here. Say I did it. I'll get paid. I'll give you a bit. We'll leave it there.

The guy who was ordered to be murdered was like, no, reports to the police. All six of them are convicted with attempted murder. What a wild story. None of them could go through with it, which is understandable.

You're taking another human life. It is. Yeah. But if you're a hitman, I sort of feel like that's your job. Yeah, but also where were these? It feels like they weren't getting actual hitmen. Temu hitmen, eh? Do you know what I mean?

Someone's messaged in saying, I don't know if you guys are about to kick into one of your classic phone-in topics of... Oh, my God, no. ...of do you know a hit man? What? Which we weren't even going to. No.

We were going to say, what could they go through with? That's an impossible, impossible, impossible phone. No, my grandfather was a hit man. He's now passed away, but I can't speak on the radio as it's a family secret. I know family listen on the way to work. But he was back in his prime and spent a few years in Mount Eden

for fighting gang members and the police never caught him. Oh my God. We weren't even going to do that. We weren't going to do that. That would have been an impossible possible phone. We've just turned our impossible phone into a possible phone.

All I was going to ask is what couldn't you go through with in the end? Now that seems pathetic. It does now. Let's commit. Let's commit because I don't want to hear from too many hitmen. It's a frie. Yeah, well, I don't want to bring the tone down.

That makes me want to hire a hitman. It's a frie. Every time you say frie, I'm wide open. Should we go halves? I'm here to party on a frie. I open up my draft to hitman.com. Hitman.com. Big gun at hitman.com. At gmail.com. Big Kiwi hitman. Yeah, Big Kiwi hitman to hitman.com biggunahitman.com

at gmail.com bigkiwihipman underscore 2 in my address and I'll be like she works up saying Friar and he's like I'll do it pro bono I hate her already because hitmen are like lawyers they do a lot of charity work

they just find some really passionate topics. Do you know the guy, the guy who was the original target to be killed, the competitor, he actually, to go with it,

because he was so overwhelmed by the last hitman being like, could you fake it? He actually did pose for a photo, gagged and bound. Oh, wow. So that the last person

could take it back to the thing and then as soon as the guy left being like, hey, cheers for the photo, mate. Great deal. He was like, bring, bring, hey police. There's a hit out on hey police what kind of phone is that bring bring bring bring bring chinese that's how the phones are in china it's chinese come on are you

have you been to china no i have never been to china i didn't know the phones went bring bring yeah they bring bring okay yeah bring bring bring. Right. Two R's. They're different everywhere. Two R's if you want to spell it. Yeah, B-R-R-I-N-G, B-R-R-I-N-G. It's so weird that you don't know that for a learned man. What we want to know this morning is what couldn't you go through with? Yeah, maybe you made like a big commitment like, I'm going to leave him. And then you were like, I can't go through with it.

Or I'm going to go on my, oh, I love these. I'm going to go on my OE. And then you're like. And you get there and you're like, London is so grey and weird. It's so expensive. And then you come home in a week. Or maybe you tell everyone you're leaving. Do you want to shave your hair off?

Couldn't go through it. You started with a tattoo. You're all wrapped up, shaved up on the table and then. And you went stop. Oh, yeah. Has anyone backed out of a tattoo? Oh, hold on. Can you put my...

I've got the Chinese hotline ringing. Yes. Very brung. Brung, brung. That's what the phone's ringing from. I'm so sorry. I can't believe you even questioned me. No, that's fine.

I'm sorry for questioning you. Yeah, it's fine. Especially a female. Yeah. Guys, we've heard from another hitman. Now, we're pivoting the phone. Do you want me to answer this? No.

We've heard from another hitman. So, first of all, you don't know what their phone's ringing like, and now you don't you want me to answer this? No. We've heard from another hitman. So first of all, you don't know what their phone's ringing like and now you don't want me to take the call? No. I'm professionally disillusioned. Now, guys, what we have now received is three messages about hitmen. Now, we're trying to pivot to them. Okay, should we drop that?

Which we did ban other radio stations doing. I'm going to have to take this. Can you just take it? I'll take it over there. It could be the courier. It could be the courier. It could be the courier. We paused for your courier. Okay.

Yes. Yep. Tis he. Yep. Sorry. Sorry. My computer. Actually, you're dead right.

My computer is acting a bit funny. What number do you need? No, no, no, no. Hang up. IP. Yep, here it is. It's 144. Give them Hayley's credit card too. Oh, do you need a credit card? Oh, that's, hang up. IP, yep, here it is. 144. Give them Hayley's credit card too.

Oh, do you need a credit card? Oh, that's not a problem. Also, stop this because we'll have to do one in notes. Stop doing this because we'll have to do one of those security modules. Okay, guys, there are a couple of messages in. I've got to go, I've got to go. I'll call you back. There are a couple of messages in.

Okay, there's two phoners on the go. No, wait. There's two phoners on the go. Are we going to double phoners? Are we unleashing the beast? Are we double phonering? Are we double phonering? Are we unleashing the beast? Are we double phoners? Are we double phoners? We're unleashing the beast!

It's the Fletchford and Hayley double phoner. Are you the impossible phoner in topic? Do you know a hitman? And what couldn't you go through? Oh my God. I'm just gonna have to take this. Sorry, we'll just pause quickly. We'll just pause quickly.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Can you just apologise because I didn't know the phones go brrring, brrring? Or if you're on behalf of New Zealand, why, we'd like to... Oh, my God, they've cancelled all of our butter exports. Are you kidding me? You've dogged us here. Four minutes away.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. Four minutes away from nine, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Big dogs. Big dogs barking. That's our new show tagline. Do it for ZM. Let's not laugh our ladder anymore. It's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Big dogs. Big dogs barking. That's our new show tagline. Dueling for ZM. Let's not laugh our ladder anymore. It's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley.

Big dogs barking. So a hitman in China hired a hitman. He couldn't do it, so he hired another hitman. A hitman who hired a hitman who hired a hitman who couldn't do it, and then the guy who they were trying to hit reported them all. And we all know when tradies hire other tradies, they tack on a charge on top. Exactly. Everyone's getting a little slime. So they all know when tradies hire other tradies, they tack on a charge on top. Yeah, exactly.

Everyone's getting a little slime. So they all end up in court and go to prison. So for the first time in my tenure here at ZDM, we're unleashing the beast that is the double phoner. Because we initially

just wanted to know what can you go through with. Yeah, maybe it was a tattoo or a big OE or a big life thing. But then people started messaging about hitmen. About hitmen. They know hitmen. So the double phoner, do you know a hitman? or a big OE or a big life thing. But then people started messaging about... About hitmen.

About hitmen. They know hitmen. So the double phone, do you know a hitman? And what couldn't you go through with? Welcome to the double phone and topic. Do you want to take... What one do you want to take?

I'll do soft. You go hard. I'll go hitman. Botox. Got as far as lying on the table. Just couldn't do it. Wish I could as I love the results, but I'm just too scared.

It's pinchy. From the needles? It's pinchy, yeah. Okay. Morning. My ex-boyfriend was a hit man. So much money involved. How casual is that? Was he hot and she thought she could change him? All the money? And did he just leave the sniper

rifle on the table? Clear your stuff away, Daryl! Okay, I'll go soft. I had to fire someone once, and I couldn't go through with it, so I just didn't. And then I just worked with them instead, and they actually got a lot better. Oh!

See, I couldn't be a boss and fire someone. I'd just text them. No, it's awful. I'd text break up. Is that allowed? Soz lol. Yeah, soz lol. Soz lol. Final paycheck Friday lol. A guy who used to work for my company tried to hire a hitman in Auckland for $5,000. He ended up going to jail. Ouch.

When you find out you're only worth $5,000. So embarrassing. You're getting a sloppy. You're getting a team of hitmen. You really are. Let's finish up with some messages in from our dear listeners before we hand over the baton in the relay race to Georgia Burt and Freddie Jemez. Okay.

My husband and I were going to get our nipples pierced. I went first. Then he looked. He chickened out and couldn't go through with that. Do you want to be married to a man with a pierced nipple, though? Ask yourself the hard questions. I don't know. Are you happily going to share a bed with a fellow with nipple jewell Ask yourself the hard questions. I don't know. Are you happily going to

share a bed with a fellow with nipple jewellery? Some people are into it. Just because you're not into it, don't yuck someone's yummy. Hey, I love nipples. Oh no, Ray Ray. Ray Ray shaved off one eyebrow,

felt stupid, didn't do the other one. You're going to look way worse. Yeah. Somebody else said, you read the Botox one before? Read that. Don't read the top one. Do you even listen to the show?

He's busy dealing with literal hit men. Somebody's messaged in saying they're about to hire a hit man to take out Fletch because he doesn't like the time, which he's been spoken to. Someone thinks Fletch needs to shut his mouth or he's going to get a hitman. We're not even hungover today, like most of the radio industry is. Everyone messaged us a couple of days ago being like,

I can't wait for your hungover show. You guys always go so rogue. This is the roguest we've been all year. It's just sleep deprivation, I think. We haven't heard from any more hit men. Only three. That's still pretty amazing. It's pretty good.

Unreal. It's pretty wild. Up the wires tomorrow. Up the wires tomorrow. Up the wires tomorrow if you're going for three in a row. You can up the wires. I'm upping the 50 million lotto win. I have a bit of that too.

See you Monday. I may not be back. Or will we? Oh, I just realised I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards. Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it? We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse and hopefully they'll work out the other way? Sarah Desi, Sarah Desi.

Give us a review. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.