ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 7th March, 2025

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Arrested cop is officer of the year The corn test Netflix autoplay Top 6 little bits of plastic in your brain Megan Markle show Mans secret to weight loss When did you try the other side Hayley gym weights Melanie Lynskey Fact of the day Babes of the board Final Showdown Vaughan Learning about Benetint  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network

This is Fleshwood and Hayley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse. The biggest brands at the lowest prices. Let me take you back to June 2024 last year and the news was that Justin Timberlake, we saw a bleary eye photo of the boy, old JT.

Is it June last year? June last year. Wow. He was arrested for driving, what's DWI? Driving with. While. While intoxicated. While intoxicated.

Yeah, yeah. Because here it's driving under the influence. Under the influence. DUI, yeah. In the Hamptons. Lots of Ds. Yeah, because here it's driving under the influence. DUI, yeah. In the Hamptons. Lots of D's. Yeah, lots of D's. He was arrested June 18th, 2024. Ran a red light, recklessly swerving.

And kind of tried to get out of it by like saying what did he say? This will ruin the tour. Like, let me off. And it didn't. The tour went ahead. It was fine. So the officer who arrested him has been named, his name is Sergeant Harbour. He, from the village police departments, has been named Officer of the Year. I mean, no one had a more high profile arrest in the entire world last year than that guy.

So he was only hired last year, this officer. So he was like a rookie. Rookie. Okay. Even though he was newly hired last year, he's made an immediate impact within the department and the community. And it said it became viral.

And he was just like completely blown away. He was like, I'm just doing my job. Just doing my job. And I think people were admiring the fact that he wasn't influenced by the fact that it was Justin Timberlake. Well, no, because didn't it come out? Remember, he didn't know who he was. Because it was a young cop, eh? Yeah.

Yeah, young cop. Yeah. And I love that Justin Timberlake claimed he had one martini. Which would be two standard drinks Yeah He'd obviously had more than You saw that I'm a blur eye queen

When I go, the eyes give it away It's a glaze It's a donut glaze It's a glaze that and you start like going frantic with your hair You put your fingers in your hair and go And you're like uh ohantic with your hair. You put your fingers in your hair and go. And you're like, uh-oh. I'm in such a good time.

That would be my, if I ever, and it will never happen. If I ever have had a mug shot, it would be my hands on my hair. I don't think that let you put your hands up. I'm like, no, I'm feeling cute. I'm feeling cute. Anyway, so he's been named Officer of the Year. And Justin Timberlake got a 90-day suspension from his driver's licence and a $500 fine, and that was it.

Oh. Whereas our one is much higher money or the community service thing. Do you know how much worse Australia's speeding fines and being on your phone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's $1,000 now if you get caught on your phone while you're driving in Australia. What? $1,000? And some phenomenal amount of demerit points.

It's right up there with speeding well over the speed limit. Wow. Yeah, there's speed fines. Some Australians, I was talking to them last weekend, and they were like, you know what, I can't get over a bit. And he's like, how cheap it is to drive like a lunatic and an asshole? Oh, God, no. I was like, what are you talking about?

And they're like, oh, yeah, Maida Vale's got a speeding ticket. And he thought the cop was joking because it was so, what, because it was like $200 or something. Oh, yeah. He was going just over. So exceeding the speed limit by less than 10K. In New Zealand, that's like, is it 80 or something like that? And most of the time it's a slow down dickhead.

Yeah, slow down dickhead. So less than 10K, 200 bucks, two demerit points. Between 10 and 20, you're looking at $450 and three demerit points. And that's... And their demerit points are different. I'd say that's your run of the mill speeding. Do you know what I mean? In terms of like everyone has had a moment like that.

Anyway. And they do on like long weekends and stuff, they do like double demerit points. And they do primos where... Or zero tolerance. Yeah. Like New World does double air points. Yeah, they do double demerit points on a week.

They do double demerit points twice the fine. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Gut health. You're always on about it. Kimchi, that. Kefir, yogurt, this. Yeah, yeah.

Fermented. Just fermented foods. Fermented foods. Yeah, any fermented foods. Sourdough. Sourdough's really good. Yogurt. Pickles. Yeah, this. What else is good? Just fermented foods. Fermented foods. Yeah, any fermented foods. Sourdough. Sourdough's really good. Yogurt. Pickles.

Yeah, pickles. Yum. Man, I love pickles. How about pickles? Imagine just like sauerkraut and pickles on sourdough. Leafy vegetables, greens. Leafy greens. Yeah, all kinds of foods.

Well, according to the site of the line, healthy diverse gut microbiome has been linked to various health benefits, such as reduced risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and arthritis, I did not know. It's good for inflammation as well. Good for inflammation and also mental health. I thought you were pointing at your vagina. And also mental health.

This is good for your body. Great for the bod. Well, I want to tell you About the sweet corn test Okay How does sweet corn Have anything to do With gut health Well you'll be

Familiar with eating sweet corn And then sweet corn Will at some stage Present itself In the poo poo Okay Fully Formed

You can By eating Because it doesn't break down Does it Nah Nah And that's what Some people don't do at eight Isn't it Something about corn Fully formed. You can buy it. Because it doesn't break down, does it? Nah. Nah. And that's what some people don't do at eight. Isn't it something about corn doesn't break down

and some people like quite suffer with it? I don't know. It's the outside of the corn. Because it's shiny. Because it's shiny. It's plastic. It's plastic. It's the original plastic.

No one's taking the plastic covering off their corn. I don't peel my corn kernels. No, I don't peel my corn kernels. So to do this, you are going to need a stopwatch. Yep. A corn. Yeah. And a toilet.

Wait, a can of corn? Any corn. I'm straight off the cob, my dude. Okay. I love sweet corn on a cob. Do you know, I realised, I just learnt the other day that Rolly loves corn on the cob. Your cat? Yeah, so we've put the, if we've finished a corn cob, you know, you put it I just learnt the other day that Rolly loves corn on the cob. Your cat? Yeah, so we've put the, if we've

finished a corn cob, you know, you put it down on the plate and there's a couple of little rogue bits. He'll come in, lick the cob and then try to rip off the last little bits of corn. It's the cutest thing. Weird. Yeah, I was like, watch your poops. Watch your poops. Is it the butter? There's no butter on my corn at the moment. Oh my god. What?

I'm getting snatched. Yes, I was gonna say. You are rocking the snatched jawline of someone who won't butter their corn? I'm getting snatched. Yes, I was gonna say you are. Rocking the snatched jawline of someone who won't butter their corn. I'm getting snatched. Does this look like the jawline of a butter corn? No. You eat the corn and you press go on the stopwatch. Okay. And then next time you do

poos, you have a look. Let me tell you. Stop. When you see the corn. Let me tell you about the transit time of corn. The transit, well it's not a bus route. It is. It is. The transit see the corn. Let me tell you about the transit time of corn. The transit. Well, it's not a bus route. It is. It is. It is. The transit.

Four hours. Yeah. You've got to. That is a very fast transit time, possibly indicating diarrhea, nutrient malabsorption, or an imbalanced gut microbe. Too quick. Not good. Too quick.

Not good. Okay. Yeah. 24 hours after ingestion. Yep. A healthy transit time. Linked to better overall health, improved responses to food, and lower visceral fat.

Yep. What's visceral fat? Fat around the ovaries. The fat around the gut, your tummy. Yeah. Okay. 58 hours or more. Oh, no.

That is a slow transit time. Possibly linked to a less healthy gut microbiome. Am I saying that right? Yes. Which may be due to insufficient fibre intake or other issues like bloating and inflammation. And then it gives you some points on how to... Who doesn't poo for two days?

Halo James Sprout, yeah. Wow, that's wild. Because my gastroenterologist told me to do this. Because remember when I got diagnosed with long bowel? Oh yeah, you're extremely hung. And then because of my long bowel, food takes longer to come through it. Yeah.

And because of that, the good bacteria turns into bad bacteria, which gives me my IBS. Right. And here's like a good way to test it is the corn test. I never properly did it with a stopwatch. Right. So Vaughan speaks of something that's actually a thing. It's actually a thing.

See, it's the easiest way. And also because it's yellow, you can see it. Yeah. Rather than being like, what was that? And when did I eat that? You're like, that's actually a thing. It's actually a thing. See, it's the easiest way. And also because it's yellow, you can see it. Yeah. Rather than being like, what was that? And when did I eat that? You're like, that's corn. Now, you might have questions. You're like, Vaughan, you're a man of the science.

How do I make this a proper test? Well, you're a medical doctor as well. Well, avoid eating sweet corn. If you're eating sweet corn every day, you're not going to be able to tell which sweet corn it is. Oh, yeah. Is that Wednesday's sweet corn? Or Thursday's sweet corn? Or Friday morning's sweet corn? able to tell which sweet corn it is. Oh, yeah. Is that Wednesday's sweet corn or Thursday's sweet corn

or Friday morning's sweet corn or Friday afternoon's sweet corn? Unless you've got a tiny marker and individually marked the – Put F on it. So the other Friday on it. Eat it. Before you eat it, carve in an F. Put an F on every piece. Yep.

So avoid any – then eat about three heaped teaspoons of sweet corn if you're going from a can or just eat a whole cob. Okay. And then time when it comes out, ta-da. Yeah. You know, we're aiming for about 24 hours. That's pretty good stuff.

Sometimes I'll eat the corn in like an early dinner. Yep. It'll be out the next morning. Good for you. That's great. Is that all right? That's really good. 13, 14, 15 hours.

Yeah, that sounds good. I think I'd be about the same. Mine might take a little longer. Oh, but you've got more road. I've got more road. You've got more road too. I've got longer transit. Yeah, you do.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm taking the expressway. You've got to take the scenic route. Yeah, yeah. I'm taking in the views. I'm having a look. I'm having a stop.

Don't rush these things. I'm stopping for lunch. Yeah. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm happy that we talked about gut health on the show. So early to talk about poopies, but it is very important. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Well, a study's been done, and this has been done by the Department of Computer Science at the University of Chicago. And you know what? What? I've said it. Yeah, they're going to go. Oh, really?

They're going to go. Did you see that Trump's looking to disestablish the education? The education? The education board, like the whole ministry, we would call it the Ministry of Education. Department of Education. Getting rid of the whole thing.

Oh my god. Okay, wow. America. Good luck to you. I don't know if it's still gonna be around soon. It feels like It's not I feel like we should Go to Vegas this year Do you know what I mean

Because One last Vegas One last time To be there when the shit Hits the fan To kiss it goodbye I never even made it To New York

Neither This study This study out of The University of Chicago Looked at Heavy Netflix Users So they grabbed

A whole bunch of Heavy Netflix users Don't call them a whole bunch of heavy Netflix users. Don't call him that. I mean, it's better than calling him fat. Oh, well, I blew out. I blew out a little bit. I'm sorry. You know, big Netflix binge watchers.

I mean, that's just all of us, right? No. Do you know I reckon I've watched less TV in the last year than ever before? Wow. I've watched so much. Yeah. Because when I go to the gym, I just zone out of the cardio I'm doing by watching things. I just crank through TV series.

But why are you watching less audiobooks? I just listen to audiobooks and I got busy. Okay. Yeah. You prioritise sleep as well. Yeah, I was prioritising my sleep. At one point, the TV was set unwatched for like months. Right.

Well, so they looked at all these heavy Netflix users and for half of them, they turned off the autoplay feature. Yeah. Which automatically starts playing the next episode or another show if you've finished that show. And what they found is that those that had no autoplay

significantly reduced their consumption. Yeah. So 18 minutes per time they sat down to watch Netflix. We've all been there, that moment where you're like, I've had enough, and then the next one starts, you're like, okay, one more. Okay, I'm here. One more. And then it's two o'clock in the morning. And then you're like, yeah,

far out. I haven't done that for years. Yeah. Well, not with these hours. But when we used to work afternoons. All the time. Oh my God. I know, because you're like, well, I'll just sleep until 11 or whatever. Yeah. So those users spent less time, about 18 minutes per Netflix watching session. It said that having no autoplay meant that they could take time between episodes to reflect on their decisions.

Do I need to go to bed? Do I need to stay up? What time is it? Yeah, or probably just time for them to scroll on their phone. Although they're probably doing that during, I mean, we're all guilty of doing that while we're watching as well, like double screening. But yeah, apparently that is,

if you do want to spend less time, if it's a problem for you, turn off autoplay. That's an interesting thought though, because I was like, actually I have, I've really watched not very much TV, but I've spent way more time on my phone.

Way more. Because I'll get into bed and when I used to watch a movie or Aaron and I would watch something together, I'll be like, oh, I can't, I don't want to get my headspace too into that. So I'll just doom scroll. I thought about it last night. I had a great night's sleep last night. And I thought about it because I hadn't been on Instagram very much. And I was like, oh, I do feel like a little, I was like, put it down. Wow. And you had a good sleep. And I had a really good sleep I do feel like a little, I was like, put it down. Wow.

And you had a good sleep. And I had a really good sleep. It's almost like the two are linked. It's almost like me deciding not to doom scroll for an hour. That combined with getting the extra sleep and not doom scrolling. It's like I feel, what's this feeling today? I feel refreshed. Yeah, like rejuvenated.

I remember feeling refreshed in 2011. Yes. I feel I'm feeling a little bit of that. Right. Yeah. Wow. Because I chose not to go on my phone. Amazing. I'm sorry, I'm just really working this out right now that maybe I've come up with a technique, I guess, for better sleep.

Wow, you should tell people about it. So when you get into bed, and I hope it's not too late, and instead of picking up your phone to do the scroll, what you do is you put it on the charger and you don't look at it. Wow. Now, I'm going to patent this. It's called the Hayley Sproul sleep method. I like it.

And I've just come up with it now. I was here when it was invented. ZM's Fletch, Bourne and Hayley. From your local community Facebook page, this is The Top Six. Bioaccumulation of microplastics in decadent human brains. What does decadent mean? Um, I don't know. Like delicious?

Yeah. No, not like decadent. Oh, okay. Yeah, but now I feel like a ghetto. Yeah, I know. Now I'm feeling like a ghetto. No, today, dare I say it, is the day we finally bust into the three pack of almond golds in the locker.

It could be almond gold day. It could be almond gold day. A deceased person. Decident means dead. Oh, okay. So they looked into dead people's brains. Yeah, they cut open dead people's, which makes perfect sense. You can't cut into brains of people who are living.

It will kill them. Yeah. Yeah. Would you donate your bodies to science? Yep. Nah. I want everybody to have a go

with it. A go? Have a go. I want, cut it open, use it for stuff, keep the skeleton, put wires in it,

keep it as a skeleton. I want da-da-da and then put it out and let the eagles eat it. Yeah, yeah, beautiful. Oh, weird. Nah. That's my vibe. In the middle of the road or just in a Yeah, yeah, beautiful. Oh, weird. Nah. That's my vibe.

In the middle of the road or just in a paddock? Or just biff him in a bloody train. Yeah, dude, side of the road like a possum. Yeah, throat kill.

And they'll be like, Jesus Christ. Jesus, like a sack of meat. What is that? But yeah, you're right. Everyone's, I don't even know

if I'll be recognisable as a human by then. Yeah. Okay, weird. Weird. Yeah. Well, they've found microplastics in

dead human brains. Rising global concentrations of environmental microplastics and nanoplastics drive concerns about human exposure and health outcomes, and we've got a teaspoon of it in the old noggin. Now, was it a heaped teaspoon or a level teaspoon?

Because it's very important when baking. It was a teaspoon using a baking measure at a level at the top. Okay. It wasn't a teaspoon that you stir your coffee with teaspoon. It's just a well measured out teaspoon. Okay, good. Good. I've got the top six types of plastic in your brain. Number six on the list. Glad wrap.

A little bit of glad wrap. A little bit of glad wrap. A little bit of glad wrap floating around in there. Because we were all having Sammy's wrapped in glad wrap. Yeah, yeah, and just chuck some glad wrap over that, chuck it in the fridge. Maybe you tore through with your finger

and there was a little bit under your fingernail and then you picked your nose and it went up into your brain and it settled and that's where it lives in its glad wrap.

Number five on the list of the top six types of plastic in your brain. A whole Coke bottle lid. Yep, yep. Wow. Did you stick that up your nose

or accidentally swallow it? It went in my ear hole. Okay. Yep. Wow. Did you stick that up your nose or accidentally swallow it? It went in my ear hole. Okay. Right. I fell asleep and I rolled over and it was on my pillow and it went up my ear hole. I love that excuse that kids, I remember doing that. How do you end up swallowing a coin? I was asleep and I rolled over and there was a coin in my pillow and it slipped into my

mouth. I remember telling my parents that. I'm going to die. No way Patsy was believing that. God no, she was like, oh. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six types of plastic in your brain are glitter that you snorted as a kid.

Oh, yeah. You didn't even have to, you know, rail it up and knock back a line of glitter. You didn't have to do that. Indestructible, too. Glitter is just everywhere. Yeah, yeah. So you would have ingested it. It would have gone up the nose and now it lives in your brain.

Number three on the list of the top six types of plastic in your brain, a bread tag. A bread bag tag. Oh. Well, they're paper now. They are. They're not as good. They're not as good.

They're not as good. They bend. They bend. Like the straws. They're just not as good. Yeah, they're just not as good. They're just not as good. I'm willing to do my part for the environment while Taylor Swift takes an eight-minute private jet flight.

I am. But the bread bag tags and the cardboard I don't know yeah I do think about that eight minute Taylor Swift flight I watched a time lapse

of it somebody did recreate it on Microsoft Flight Simulator when I'm washing out my cans jar of Dolmio

yep I'm like this will really help at the recycling centre for you turtles yeah speaking of number two on the list of the top six types of plastic floating around in your brain. Straws that you used to chew.

Oh, yeah. You know, when you were having a... Do you know what I miss doing? That thing where you'd wrap it around your fingers and go... And then pop it! Yeah! And you could get a real good bang. Yes!

So fun. I miss that. You can't do that with a cardboard one. Yeah, well, Trump's working on it. Yeah. That was one of his first things he did, bring back the plastic straw. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six types of plastic in your brain, the old school

Apple stickers. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've eaten so many of those. Before they were... Biodegradable? Biodegradable. They just used to be plastic stickers.

Yeah. And you'd always get a corner of it, and then it got into your brain, and now you've got microplastics in your brain. Yeah. So suck it up, losers. That's today's substance. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Now, yes, my parents are staying at the moment. Oh, that was what I was doing. Well, Vaughn's about to have my mum on Facebook. This is a big moment. Oh, okay. Big moment. Because you love to chat to people's mums.

I actually chat to Carwen's mum all the time, don't you? She's gone quiet on me. Has your mum gone off Vaughan, Carwen? Has she gone off me? I don't know. Maybe she's heard some things. Oh. Oh, wow.

My mum said to me yesterday, God, Vaughan's lost a lot of weight, hasn't he? I said, yeah, he's shredding, mate. She said, he's looking good. Did she?

Could be a flirt on the one. Patsy loves a flirt. I couldn't do that to Craig. Don't do it to Craig. I couldn't do that to Craig. Nah, nah, nah. But I have this

added on our Facebook, so who knows? Pure and true. Anyway, so they're staying at the moment and we had a big day yesterday, went out exploring and then

we came back, we were tired and mum jumped on the couch and said, I'm just going to watch a and then we came back we were tired and mum jumped on the couch she said I'm just going to watch a little bit of TV she's accepted my friend request already well she's awake

she's up she's up can you tell her to feed Rolly I forgot to ask anyway she jumped on the couch and I heard Netflix

and I was like oh she's just going to watch something wait better than hearing poor enough oh, she's just going to watch something. Wait, better than hearing... Poor enough. You'd be like, Mama! I mean, it's a smart TV and you can do that, but it doesn't mean you should.

God, don't. My dad made a funny, funny joke yesterday. Should I say it? Where they were on the grass and I was like, I'll get a photo of you guys because you look so cute. And it was on a hill and my mum sort of stepped down. She said, oh God, look at me going.

Oh, that's the... I was waiting for you, Fletchy. Fletchy, I'm on the deck. I'm on the deck and I'm like, Mum! Mum! No, she was on this hill. My mum's taller than my dad. And so whenever she can, she steps down for photos.

And she's like, oh God, look at me going down. And my dad goes, don't say that in front of Hales. Oh, good one for dad. He's fast. Anyway, anyway. My mum jumps on the couch and she starts watching this Meghan Markle thing. We were talking about yesterday in the top six. Which is on Netflix.

Which is on Netflix, not the other website. It's, guys, I don't want to be one of those women that jumps on and hates the show. I don't hate her. I think she's a beautiful, wonderful person. And she's living the life we all want to live. Married to a bloody prince. Rich. Rich as all hell.

Are they? I don't know. Well, the house they film in is not their house. It's intolerable. The show is so bad. I know. I well the house they film when it's not their house it's intolerable the show is so bad I know I watched the trailer I know we kind of

briefly talked about it yesterday and I think the way she was treated was disgusting I totally agree the way she was treated

by the royal family by people who are fans of the royal family by any I think it was disgusting and nothing more than poorly disguised

racism absolutely but this show was bad I think it was disgusting and nothing more than poorly disguised racism. Absolutely. But. This show is bad. I wouldn't have done it. At one point, everything has to be aesthetic. So she takes pretzels, like crispy, crunchy pretzels, out of a pretzel bag and puts them into another plastic bag

and ties it with a bit of straw. Right. And labels it pretzels. You know, it's that kind of stuff. Why did she do that? At one point she said, my bacon brings all the boys to the yard. And that really put me off. Because I haven't seen her do the gardening

but there is talk of gardening. Yeah, and also, when her kids, Lilibet and Bibbidi-Bob, when they have kids parties when they have a party, Archie and Libbidi-Bit Lilibit

Lilibit Lilibit Archie and Lilibit She makes goodie bags like we used to get those plastic ones with the clown on it Yeah, and it just had a bunch of cheap shit plastic stuff that broke

or a bubble blower. And hers is gardening tools, peas, seeds, manuka honey stick for something sweet. I mean, it's just...

Manuka honey, that's us. That's us, that's New Zealand. Yeah, good, great. But honestly... Yeah. And then she's like teaching these things. She was like, let's make, oh, she was like, let's make candles.

And I was like, oh, she must be teaching people how to make candles. She's like, I've never done it before. I'm like, so why have we given you a TV show to help people learn to make candles when you don't know how to make candles? Oh God. And one, she makes a Family Guy reference. She goes, it's peanut

butter jelly time. It's Adventure Time. Yeah, I know, but then it's and it was huge on Family Guy. Peanut butter jelly time. Peanut butter jelly. It's not in the top 10. It's not in the top 10 shows in New Zealand yet. And I always just think those Netflix top 10 are just what Netflix

wants you to watch. No, because sometimes it's really rogue stuff. But I think they just want you to know it's there and they want you to watch it. If I can recommend something on Netflix, A Thousand Blows, I'm really, really liking. Set in 1800s England, which we all know is a horrible place. Is it quality? Yes. This is not. Got Stephen Graham in it.

The Megan Markle thing is not. Watch that. What is it, A Thousand Blows? A Thousand Blows, right. Not with quality? Yes. This is not. Got Stephen Graham in it. The Megan Markle thing is not. Watch that. What is it? A Thousand Blows? A Thousand Blows. Right. Not with love from Megan. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Your pets. There's a day where they're born or there's a day where you adopt them. And some people call it like the getcha day.

Or, you know, if you rescue. I don't want to go on about that. Because when I rescued my cat, Again, from the breeder Well yeah it was like an extortion fee I guess Yeah right You know like a kidnap fee

Yeah We don't negotiate with terrorists She actually told me the day that he was born which is actually coming up I don't know the day Rolly was born because he was

dropped off to the rescue shelter in a plastic bag Wow So it really saved his life. Yeah. We just did 10 weeks after we adopted him. This is why the last couple of cats we've got, and I don't want to talk about it too much because I have... They've died, haven't they?

A couple have died. We've still got Cheeto. But we get them for the girls' birthdays. So then, technically, that's their birthday. And it's easy to remember if it's on somebody's birthday. But when I remember, I celebrate my cows because I know their birthdays

because they're registered with the National Nate System. The goats. They're not birthday people, they're Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't do... Okay, I only find that funny, whatever. I didn't know

If you should be Trashing religion It wasn't trashing It was just an observation That people Of the Jehovah's Witness faith Don't celebrate their birthday And because they don't

Know their gates Do they not No I will happily take Anyone that's a Jehovah's Witness I'll happily take Their free birthday dinner At Valentine's

Yeah and all their Little 10% off codes From all the companies And stuff I'll happily take Their free birthday dinner at Valentine's. Yeah, and all their little 10% off codes from all the companies and stuff. I'll happily take their free cookies. Well, they're not using them. Yeah. Free soft drinks. Against Jehovah's Witness laws. I'll happily take them. I'll take them too. Forward on any office. That's why no one laughed at my funny joke about my goats being Jehovah Witnesses.

Because we're really standing up for the Jehovah's. When they knock on the door, they use their horns. They pierce through the door and you're like, oh, for God's sake. Give a moment to talk about God. That wasn't... I'm sorry, man. That was the best bit of the whole bit. The goat impression.

Alright. We're all struggling with our mental health. Do you celebrate your pet's birthday? Silly little poll. Exactly 50-50. Exactly 50-50. Okay, exactly 50-50. Okay, so how crazy do people go? Have we heard from some crazies?

We've heard from some people. These days, these days, where I love our dog more than the kids and they get all the attention, so why wouldn't you celebrate? That is wild

to straight up admit, Sam, that you love your animal more than you love your children. Wow. Laura, absolutely. He gets a proper steak, rice and love your animal more than you love your children. Wow. Laura, absolutely. He gets a proper steak, rice, and gravy for his birthday. What?

Every year I cook his steak rare and serve it all slightly warm. Steak and rice. I wouldn't even cook the steak if I was giving the dog. That's a dog. But then I would also not give my dog a good birthday steak

because he'd just wolf it. Yeah. He wouldn't appreciate it. Wouldn't appreciate a good steak. Give them a rubbish bit of meat. Give them a chuck. Yeah, absolutely. Gravy.

Yeah, gravy steak. And don't cook it. Are you supposed to cook? I don't know. Michelle said, no, that's embarrassing. Pets are not children. They don't give an F. Hard no.

Wow. You know who we haven't heard from for a little while? Grumpy Lisa. I think we might have a new grump. A new grump. Grumpy Michelle. Grumpy Michelle. What a grump. What about Mad while? Grumpy Lisa. I think we might have a new grump. A new grump. Grumpy Michelle. Grumpy Michelle. What a grump.

What about Mad Michelle and Grumpy Lisa? Yeah. Yeah. Because she was. That sounded mad. She was mad. Of course, the cutest little smoosh, we actually got engaged on our cat's birthday last year. Aw.

Although it's not, so it's not all about her anymore. Aw, the cat must be devastated. Devastated. Some cats get jealous, eh? Yeah. Like when people have babies? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Cats are really weird about babies. It's so funny. You're like, look at the baby. Just like, oh. Whereas dogs are like, yay, my future best friend. I know. Dogs and babies. Dogs and babies.

And cats are like. That's why cats are better. Yeah, that's why cats are better. Because you are a cat. Yeah, that's sassy. Avril said, we even make them little dogs. What? Avril Lavigne. Yes, Avril Lavigne. said, we even make them little doggy. What? Avril Lavigne.

Yes, Avril Lavigne. Man, we've got some celebrity listeners. We've got Sabrina Carpenter. We've got Sigourney Weaver. Adele. Adele, Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne says, yes, we do. We even make them little doggy cupcakes.

Oh, cute. Oh, okay. That's cute. I mainly just, it's mainly just her favourite people giving her lots of attention. And I don't see a difference in a dog's birth than a baby's first birthday either. And here is a picture of my dog celebrating its first birthday. It's mainly just her favourite people giving her lots of attention. And I don't see a difference in a dog's birthday and a baby's first birthday either. And here is a picture of my dog celebrating its first birthday. It's pretty funny. It's even got one of the balloons, the helium balloons you get from Look Sharp.

Cute. Holly said, I don't even know my cat's birthday. Well. Holly. Yeah. Maybe ask. But again, like us rescue owners, sometimes you just don't know. Don't lump us.

Don't lump yourself in with us. No. Don't lump yourself, please. Don't know sometimes. Jack said he doesn't celebrate my birthdays. Why should I give a shit about his? I mean, fair point. That's a toxic relationship, Jack.

Yeah. That's so petty. Sounds one-sided. That's the little poll. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. one-sided. That's the little poem. A man confessed online that he has lost some weight. Right? And it wasn't

necessarily an intentional thing, but he wrote, I think a girl in the office fancies me. She's 20 years younger than me. Obviously, I'm probably imagining it, and I have no intention of cheating on my wife. That's the me. Obviously, I'm probably imagining it and I have no intention of cheating on my wife.

That's the setup. Okay, wild. 20 years younger than me. So I'm imagining he's 40s and she's in her 20s. 50s, 30s, you know, we're there. Hasn't stopped me. Thank you for that maths, by the way. Queen Margaret College.

Yeah. Worth every dollar. It's private schooling right there. Worth every dollar to minus 20. Yeah. Hasn't stopped me losing 5kg since the delusion started, though. Imaginary affairs are the secret to weight loss. So basically, he's like, she's flirting with me.

I quite like how that feels. I'm just going to get a little bit hot. You know what I mean? Not intentionally with the idea that I'm going to get hot enough that she's going to sleep going to get a little bit hot. You know what I mean? Not intentionally with the idea that I'm going to get hot enough that she's going to sleep with me, but it's helping. Helping for me to feel more desirable. So his secret to weight loss

is an imaginary affair. I love this. Stop talking. My man. My king. He has a wife. Stop talking. This is from a TikTok, right, where his face is in it. What are you doing, my dude? My dude.

Dude, my dude. What have you done? So what woman in her mind is going to be okay with her husband? Saying that. I mean, but technically he hasn't cheated. Well, a lot of people. He has had all the intention to. He's imagined it. But he hasn't. He said, I mean, but technically he hasn't cheated. Well, a lot of people. He has had all the intention to. He's imagined it.

But he hasn't. He said I'm not. I wouldn't. I know, but he said it. Debates in the comments, right? Everyone is tongue in cheek. Yeah, obviously. I love attention.

And if you get it, I get the feeling of like, oh, yeah. Bit of a thrill, I guess. Yeah, maybe I will bloody pump a little iron today. So in the comments, someone's like, oh, I get it. Not the biggest deal as long as he doesn't act on these feelings or whatever. He didn't say he's attracted to her either. He was just like, she's attracted to me. He imagined an affair.

You don't imagine an affair with a minger. Someone said it's not imaginary if you lost the weight for her but not for your wife. Another person said, no, no, she doesn't. It's not impossible, but very improbable that she's into you. This is surely self-evident. Your fantasy is a red flag, and I think you know it. Someone said, I think this is like buying a hood, a gun, and spending three months inside a bank lobby

drawing camera positions and saying, it's a fake robbery. It's really funny. Yeah. Also, another person was like, hey, clown. Did he not think about it? It's really funny Yeah Also another person was like Hey clown Did he not think about it Did he not Did he

Did he see He recorded this on TikTok And then did he watch it back And he was like Great content Shut up man Put it down Walk

And by the way If he's in his late 40s He shouldn't be on TikTok anyway Yeah well someone was like, hey, someone said, you're such a clown, lad. A younger woman chatting to you, being nice or laughing at you does not mean that she fancies you. I think they're just like, hey, old dude, calm down.

But hey, do you know what? Whatever is the motivation. Yeah, he's lost weight. Yeah. And whatever is the motivation. Do it like the rest of us. Be on the verge of a mental breakdown and have an anxiety problem. Like, duh. Duh. Become jittery.

Duh. You burn calories in your sleep. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I don't know if you're aware, but Armie Hammer, who was the actor that was very heavily cancelled in 2021 because he had leaked Instagram messages where it was sort of referred to

that he wanted to eat people. It was definitely, like, really bad. He wanted to be a cannibal? Yeah. But then he was just saying he hasn't eaten anyone, and then everyone was just like, this whole thing's weird. Yeah, and he was being a pest. Like, he was being yuck.

But he has, I don't know if you're aware, he has his own podcast. Does he? Army Hammer Time. He was, who was he, what movies was he in? He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger.

He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger.

He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger.

He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger.

He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. He was in The Lone Ranger. So now, big heavy cancellation because of his treatment towards women

and wanting to snack on them. Like literally. Literally snack on them. He has a podcast now and I've never listened to it and I never will. However, a clip has made its way into the viral world. Yeah. Because he revealed that he made the realisation in his words, women are

the worst. Okay. Women are the problem. I mean, oh God, these pesky women, they keep telling the media I want to eat them. Yeah, they keep leaking all my creepy DM messages. This in the wake of international women. I know, how dare you. Anyway, so

he decided within himself, women are the worst. And so he was going to try something else. I tried hooking up with a dude one time. Handsome, French. Sure, sure, the whole thing. I was like, okay, this could work. This could work. Let's try this.

I remember I started making out with him. And I just remember being like, God, beards. This thing is rough. Like, how do I get in there? Totally. And I remember I put my arms around him and I was like, oh, my God, and these shoulders are so wide. He's so big.

And it was kind of like getting hotter and heavier. But I was like, not even a twitch. So basically he was like. And you said he downloaded Grindr, right? He downloads Grindr. The gay dating app. The gay hookup app where he finds this hot French guy and was just like, no. Do you think this hot French guy is like, is this Armie Hammer?

Does he want to eat me? Oh, my God, absolutely. I will let him have a little snack on me. Sounded a bit South African. I know, but that's the mother tongue. It always comes through. Anyway, this, I mean, I want to preface this because that's the mother tongue. It always comes through. Yeah. Anyway, this, I mean, and I want to preface this because it's a very silly idea.

I want to preface this by saying sexuality is not a choice. You know, we are who we are. But I want to say, when did you give the other side a go? This is the corner I want to go. This is what you want to ask the question this morning. Maybe you just sort of thought, you know, it's not working out with the fellas. Yep. Maybe I'm gay. And it wasn't a thing you you know, it's not working out with the fellas. Yep.

Maybe I'm gay. And it wasn't a thing you thought about and you have a gay little go and then you realise it's all very full on. You know? Yeah. We've all. We've all what? We've all done it.

Okay. We've all done it. We've all had the moment where we thought, maybe this is the way. This is the way forward. And then you're like, you know what? The beard though, it's not me.

I don't know. This is what I want to know. I know many friends. I don't think Kiwis are that open to being like, yeah, I've done this. I am woman, definitely.

Women are. Yeah. Most women have hooked up with other women in some way. We've had a kiss or a pet. You know what I mean? Right.

Are you okay? I'm a little flustered. Your voice went. Did you hear that? Did you hear that? I'm a little flustered. Your voice went so. I'm a little overwhelmed.

Did you hear that? Did you hear yourself? Well, I just know that there's so many. Most women have hooked up with other women. Right. Right. Have they? Have they?

Have they? Have they? I mean, obviously, we don't want the details. No, no, no. Oh, come on. We want the details. What? Give us the details.

But, you know, just. Maybe it was a wild night out and you just thought, why not? Or maybe you were curious and you just dipped a toe the other way. And then you just. Don't die wondering. Yeah, that's true. Don't die wondering. People do, don't they?

They do. Okay. Well, it's an. Are we die wondering. People do, don't they? They do. Okay, well, it's an... Are we already... Okay, good. The ball is rolling. The ball is rolling. 9696 to text in. You can give us a call as well.

0800 dials it in. When did you just try the other side? Loving this. Loving this. Cancelled army hammer cannibal weird pest dude. He has a podcast where he revealed that he declared women are the worst and so he tried hooking up with a dude and it didn't work. Yeah, he said the shoulders were too big and the beard.

It was all itchy. Yeah, and nothing happened. So he was like, well, I guess I am into women. So we've asked you, when did you just think, I'm just going to try the other side. Give it a go. Give it a go. I was definitely straight until a girl came on to me and I was like,

well, I think I like how this feels. Now I'm married to a woman and I've got a beautiful daughter. Wow. So you gave the other side a try and then you stayed on that team. Yeah. Tried before you buy. Wasn't interested in guys at uni and had kissed a couple of girls for fun, so I thought I might be gay.

So I gave it a go on Tinder. Went kind of well until my face got face to face with her not face. Yep. And I thought not face. She got face to face with the Vajayjay Feeney and she was just like nope. No, not

into it. Yeah. I guess if you're not into it, you're not into it. That's the ultimate test I guess. Yeah, that's it. Wow. Big night if you're not into it you're not into it. Yeah that's the ultimate test I guess. Yeah that's it. Wow. Big night out decided to make out with a girl to get away from a creepy guy just like oh you know

fend him off. The girl ended up spending the next whole week at my house and we had dinner at her parents the following weekend. The whole U-Haul stereotype is so real but I have promptly

gone back to men. I was with my partner for 20 years I was a lesbian partnership. Are you okay? He's really struggling. I hope you're taking your shirt off.

It's not that hot. It's very hot. I'm just going to have a little drink. He gets excited. Does Vorney? So they were in a relationship for 20 years, lesbian relationship. We separated.

At the end of it, I was like, maybe I'll give men another try. And so I did, and I did not like it at all. No, sir, not for me. Gave the other side a try. Yeah. Okay. Very happy with my hubby, but I've always been a little bit curious. I booked a sensual erotic massage for me and my husband at the end of last year.

We both had our own gorgeous female masseuse. Ended with a happy ending for both of us from both of our masseuses. Turns out, I definitely like women too. Ended with a happy ending for both of us from both of our masseuses. Turns out, I definitely like women too. Booked in again for next month. What a cool thing to do with your husband if you're like,

I'm curious. And he's like, let's go. That's a win-win. Do you know who would love this Morgan Penn sexologist? This is sex positive. And you know who else

would love it? That husband. Yes! My baby's on cloud nine. He's like, where did I put the cheat code in? I'm like, I'm like limited gold.

Oh God, this is great. My best friend and I got chucked out of a posh club in central London for aggressively snogging while we were wearing our business attire.

We haven't done it since but we still laugh about it and I'm so hot thinking about it. Oh my God, that text, the girl who got the massage did it because Morgan got the massage on Sex.Life.

On the podcast. Inspiring people. Inspiring. That will make Morgan's weekend. That will. We'll pass that on to Morgan. I reckon we send her a voice note,

tell her and then we'll see what she sends back as a voice note and we'll do that. So many messages. The night before my wedding my best man and I were at a group gathering

and people asked if we were the ones getting married to one another. Yeah. And we looked at each other and instead of saying no, we just ended up hooking up, tongue and all. Now, you were my best man. Wait, what? Wait, did he kiss? Was there ever a stirring?

I didn't think it was on my mind. You never had a kiss? I mean, maybe that just explains all this tension all these years. I know, but it's a secret, isn't it? We can't give in. Wait, what happened after they kissed? That's all it says. Oh.

Oh, my God. Might need some more details. There'll be so many girls that relate with that. I've pashed most of my besties. Started off at my 16th birthday party. We all had a sleepover. We were all going to sleep in my room. The six of us thought we'd pash each other and give each other a rating.

Rachel was the best. Rachel. Rachel. A nine out of ten. A unanimous jury decision was reached that Rachel's got the best. I did this with all my friends. We were like, should we just see? Should we just see what it's like?

Good morning. I love good morning to everybody on the show. Good morning. I was curious. So when the opportunity came up when I was single, I went for it. I'm a female for clarification. I thought her body was beautiful. I love the nurturing side of a woman.

And I did enjoy myself very much. But I love the D. Love the D. Amen. What? Amen. Wait, you've got to read that. You've got to read the other text.

Sucking a man's titty just ain't the same? No, no, no. You've got to read the J one. Read the J one. I get the J one. Well, we just read it He didn't say it It's off the text machine

Yeah okay This text is wild I know That's the best thing I've ever read Have we done texts in the week? We have We've done it twice

God damn it We've done it twice God damn it Too many good texts We should have waited Until today We got the best people Listening to this show

We do have the best listeners Jail did it for me I'm a straight woman But had nine months of bliss When I was on the inside We tried to this show Jail did it for me I'm a straight woman but had nine months of bliss When I was on the inside We tried to call this person for more information I don't know why She wants you to know they were on 23 hour lockdown

So would just consistently be hooking up They'd often get in trouble and charged Wait Hayley needs a moment So they're locked together in a room I need to commit a petty crime I need to commit just a small crime that affects no one A six month sentence No one really got harmed I'll pay for what I stole So they're locked together in a room. I need to commit a petty crime. I need to commit just a small crime that affects no one but just sends me away.

A six-month sentence? No one really got harmed. I'll pay for what I stole. Yep, okay. It's a soft fraud. Soft fraud of a bad company. Nah, but what if you get locked up? People in prison for fraud ain't hot.

They're all saggy old white people. No, but I'm not going to necessarily be in with all the other fraud ladies. When you get arrested for a fraud, punch someone. Yeah, but not enough to permanently hurt them. I don't want to ruin anyone's day. I'll be dressed up as a cop arresting you, you punch me out of town. What if you get a minger cellmate?

I think after nine months anyone looks good. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. I've actively chosen not to become a mother, so I didn't appreciate it yesterday at the gyme when I had to play the role of mother of the floor. At the gym? Yes. Mother, like, mother, like, people call Lady Gaga mother.

No, not in a hot kind of cool way. Like a lady in the crowd, not like mummy. Not mummy. Like a towel, what, like a towel people off. This face. Mm, mm, like a bit of a... Clean your shit up, basically. Oh, okay. So, I've mentioned this

that I used to work out in the women's only gym. This was never really a problem. Racks, we use the things, we use the weights, we put them back and there's little stickers that says five. This is my logic, I guess, when I've got a 5kg in my hand and I go to put them back on the rack. Which gap am I going to put them in?

I'll put them on the one that says 5! Oh, okay, wow. So then yesterday, it's willy-nilly down there with all the men. There's predominantly men on that floor. Yep. And I went down there yesterday and I went to look for some 7s.

The 7s were in the 8s. The 8s were in the 5s. Yeah, but you know, if you're going to put your weights back and someone's put weights in the wrong slot. Then you move them! No, I just put them in the first available slot. Like, I don't care.

You're part of the problem. No, but I didn't start the problem. Yeah, but look, we're all putting up our hands and saying, I didn't start the problem, but you're feeding the problem. I didn't start the problem. It was that big, muscly guy. He doesn't give a shit. So there were all these real grunty boys down there yesterday.

So I came in. I'm holding whatever weights I had to put them back in the thing. And I just went, I looked around at all of them like. Did you make that noise too? And then I did that thing that mums used to do when they would clean up. You'll stop. Make a real scene. Make a real scene.

That was me moving the sevens. Putting them into the seven. Making sure everyone saw that I've put it into the seven. Putting it into the eight. And then I looked around and I pulled that face. I pulled a mum face. Like, yeah, now it's sorted.

And if I come back into this room and they're not like that, I'm going to be very disappointed in you. PSA, put your weights back in the right hole. Did anybody notice or care? No one gave a shit. No one was looking. And if I go to bed,

it's going to be this. I'm not the mother of the gym floor. Melanie Linsky, New Zealand actress, knacky hard. She, yellow jackets. She, heavenly creatures. She, two and a half men. I was going to say,

what's she doing, two and a half men? Quite prominently. Amazing actress. She has blown up the internet in the way that our phones have been blown up because she wore a dress to the Oscars after party that it was the best dress of the night. Look at her.

Look at her. Look at her. It's a lovely dress. It is a red sequined gown, kind of old school Hollywood, off the shoulders sequined. She's got old school Hollywood hair. She's got pearls around the neck. She looks incredible.

The internet went crazy for this and was like, hot diggity damn. That's a Naki 10 right there. That's a Naki 10. That's an Auckland 10. Mate, those things don't happen in the Naki. She's a Los Angeles 10. Yes. Which is a Naki 85. Which is a Naki

like blow up. It's the Naki unicorn. Yeah. So. They've heard about it. Wait, what are you, when you go to New Plymouth? Because you go down for your comedy show quite a bit. Leaven. Leaven.

Okay. And in Auckland, what are you? Six. Okay. Yeah. Six. Wellington?

Eight. And I'm happy with that. No, you're not a Wellington. I don't think you're a Wellington eight. How dare you? You're not old enough. Sorry, you're too corporate now. I'm going to put my Slipknot t-shirt on. It just arrived in the mail. Yeah, but now you're You're not old enough. Sorry, you're too corporate now. I'm going to put my Slipknot t-shirt on.

It just arrived in the mail. Yeah, but now you're a Christchurcher. Oh, shit, I am. You've gone too hard on the Christchurch and you've lost another Wellington point. Damn it. Mind you, meanwhile, Hamilton 10. Hamilton 10.

There you go. Nacky 11. Anyway, so Melanie Linsky, Nacky 85. Yeah. The internet was just going crazy for this and it started this viral thing of messaging, videoing, TikTok-ing, DM-ing her husband, Jason Ryder. Do you know how to fight?

As in like, I'm going to fight you. We're coming for the woman. We're coming for your woman. Right, because she's so damn hot. Because she's so damn hot. Because she's a Nacky85. She's a Nacky85. Yeah.

People just, it's just, it's crazy. This is everywhere. Proud. She looks hot. Yeah. But. She's a nacky 85. Yeah. People just, it's just, it's crazy. This is everywhere. Proud. She looks hot. Yeah. But he's done a great retaliation video where he kind of, he's like showing himself fighting,

but he's really bad. He's like, you know, like silly, like little dumb kicks and stuff. He's like, yeah, I can fight. Come at me. They're beautiful. They're so in love. It's just a beautiful marriage.

Anyway, I wanted to know. They have been married for a long time. He seems like a really top bloke. He does seem like a top bloke. You recognise his dad was a famous actor. And died quite early. Yeah. Anyway, I want to know because he's had to be like,

everyone's coming for my woman. Does your partner always get hit on? And maybe you've had to respond or maybe you just sit back and you watch it happen all the time. If you've got a knacky 11 like Aaron, he must be exhausted by this, you know. Heading out with old Sproul on his arm.

I started laughing and I couldn't stop. I had to just keep going. Imagine Aaron just getting like back off, back off. That's my knacky 11. That's my knacky 11. Yeah, that's my knacky 11. That's my girl. Stop talking to her. Stop hitting on her. She's my Naki Lippa yeah that's my Naki Lippa yeah that's my Naki Lippa that's my girl stop talking to her

that's my girl stop hitting on her she's my girl he does it so swiftly that I don't even notice it happening I've never had anyone hit on me

but it's because Aaron's like he's like a firewall even when he's not with me I think he's lurking right making sure people don't hit on me

because I never ever get hit on yeah which is crazy for a Naki Lippa is crazy for a Naki 11. Wild for a Naki 11. And a Wellington 6. And a Wellington, no we said 8. No because you went too much on Christchurch.

Oh 7. Yeah I think you're a Wellington 6 now. You had to give up another point of Wellington to become the Hamilton 10. So I'm a Wellington 6. That's so upsetting. You are your birthplace of Rangiora though. You're a 9. I'm a 9. are your birthplace of Rangiora, though. You're a nine.

I'm a nine. I'm a nine in Rangiora. Straight nine. Okay, well, does this happen to you? And, like, I don't know, do you get sick of it? Do you hate it? Or do you just love it? Because people can take it either way, right?

Like, it's, I'm with this man that everyone's hitting on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how awesome is that? He's coming home with me. Or they're, like, they're sure shanking him and eventually they're going to get him. Wow.

Okay, 0800 dials at Emerson number. You can text through 9696. Is your partner always getting hit on and how does that make you feel?

We're having fun. We're having fun today. We want to know if your partner always gets hit on and how does it make you feel? Because Melanie Linsky

looked hot at the Oscars after party and her husband keeps getting DMs with people saying, I'll fight you for it. And now it's a whole thing online. It's gone viral. It's huge.

The entire internet is just like, fight me. Fight me if I win and get Melanie Linsky because she's hot, man. Some texts. Why are you shaking your head? It's getting hot in here. What? It's a bit of a hot show. My hubby is half Tongan,

Malo's. Malo's. Well, you've got a gold tooth. I've got a gold tooth. Yeah. Does that make you... Half Tongan. Does it?

It kind of makes me half Tongan. I don't know if it does. I don't think it does. I don't think you can put on a gold cap and... Malo... Who's? Who's? My husband is...

Wait, wait for the other half. Okay. Half Tongan, half Swiss. Now, we've talked about the Swiss before. We've talked about this mix. If you are right now finding yourself in the romantic company of someone who is half Tongan, half white colonising European nation, or half Samoan. Yeah. Half German.

Ancestry. Have a great week. My Lord. Have a great week. Okay, Bob Smith. Just have a great week. Yeah. Congratulations.

Yeah, congratulations. Bravo. I'm glad something good came out of that bad. Maybe God is real. You know, just all that. And you might be looking at him or her. So my husband,

back to the, getting on track here. My husband's half tongue and half Swiss, tall and handsome. I catch it all the time. So many eyes and excuses to come over and talk to him. When you're a girl, you just know the subtle moves that are constantly in motion. Even if he's standing next to her. The girlfriend.

People will still try it on. Amazing. Husband, by the way, not girlfriend. Husband and wife. Husband, sorry. Some of my husband's clients Have told him Are you trying to find a photo What are you doing

No I'm not looking him up On Instagram But do we have a name Is that a trace There's no name It's untraceable It's untraceable Some of my husband's clients

Have told him to his face That he's the most handsome man They've ever seen And he's like Ah thanks Just so nonchalant about it. Oh, good for the ego. We like that.

And why when it said client, I automatically imagine he's a physio therapist. Yeah. Oh, yeah, PT. Yeah. My husband is Scottish, and every time we go out and he has a kilt on, he gets a mega hit on.

I let him enjoy the attention. He's very oblivious to it. My husband looks similar to Travis Kelsey. Oh. Yeah. Football guy. And so many girls approach me and say, has anyone ever told you how much your husband looks like?

We go to the shops and women turn around to look. He doesn't come shopping with me now. Oh, wow. Okay. I say that Travis Kelsey. I was a bridesmaid at a wedding and my boyfriend was a guest. He was at a dinner table being hit on by the guy opposite him all night. Quite amusing to watch from the bridal table.

Okay. Amazing. You're out there. Well, my partner would get more attention if he dressed better. Have to look past his jeans hanging around his bum. Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on.

What, Tony Hawk's skateboarders here? Oh, no. Get that man a belt. Pull up your trousers. My partner gets hit on a lot and it's so annoying. He claims to be oblivious to it, but the messages say otherwise. I've got him tied down. The messages.

Somebody else said that their wife gets hit on constantly via Instagram DMs and she gets him to reply to them. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm getting the wife Has granted me permission Because Hayley wants a pic I'm gonna send her a DM

Have a gaze Are you gonna DM me Of the Tongan Swiss Come on Where is it? Play ZM's

Fletchborn and Hayley Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley Fact of the day, day, day, day, day Today's last fact for Fart Week here at Fact of the Day is... I hope we're going to have a mature week next week for Fact of the Day. Yeah, definitely.

Definitely. I don't know what it is. No. Snot. Snot week. Bum. Snot. Bum week.

Bum week. Wees. It might be wees week. It might be wees week. Okay, grow up. So I thought I would tell you about two farts. Okay. The world's longest fart, as recorded by the Guinness World Records,

which weirdly enough, I cannot find a recording of. You think if they were there and they were recording it, they would have popped the video camera up and recorded it. Yeah, but I think most record attempts have a video as well, right? Yeah. That's what I was thinking. But I think they just file it away. It's not like an online thing.

The longest fart in the world video that I could find that I'd like to play in the background. Oh, voy. Oh, come on. It's by Mr. Methane. This was recorded live in Paris, France. Mr. Methane. They did it.

They recorded it for a record attempt. So there's a thing that shows the date and the time and where they are and also a timer and the fact that none of their recording of stuff has been messed with. Okay. Stay with. Okay. Daddy.

Go. He's clenching. He's keeping it tight. It's like a balloon. Like a balloon, you know, when you... Full control. He's got full control. I skipped about it.

There was a little bit of dialogue at the start between the father and the guy recording it. He's been doing Kegels, eh? Because he's got great... Like a tight sphincter. ...sphincter control. And he's got a microphone like we use here and he's put it down right by this guy's bosom

to record the sound. So that's why it sounds like it. Still going. That's 27 seconds. Okay. It goes to 59 seconds. Are you kidding me? And that's not the longest.

That's not the officially recognised longest. He's got IBS, though, eh? He's got methane in his tummy. I'm just going to And that's not the longest. That's not the officially recognised longest. He's got IBS though, eh? He's got methane in his tummy. I'm just going to turn that down. No, no. Okay. See, there was a break there. I would say fresh fart.

No, but it's still going so it's one... Okay, okay. Yep. Mosquito. Sounds like a mosquito at this stage, doesn't it? Yeah, it does.

You're like, there's the fly spray. Okay. It's just about to finish. Let's see the crescendo at the end here. Because you'd push out the rest, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It's the fly spray. Okay. It's just about to finish. Let's see the crescendo at the end here. Because you'd push out the rest, wouldn't you?

Oh, it finished in a car tune outside. How great is that timing? A car goes... He looks in severe pain now. Yeah, I wish I didn't hear the grunt. Yeah. He looks to be in severe pain now.

Okay, so that's the one that I could find the video of. Okay. The record holder is a man named Bernard Clemens who farted for two minutes and 42 seconds. Jeepers. Something's wrong inside if that's happening.

Yeah, I don't know. You're not right. He knew he was going to do it and, you know, ate probably a gas-heavy diet. Yeah, onions, garlic, cabbage, mushrooms. So that's the longest fart, the loudest fart, and I Googled it, and multiple sources have said it because I couldn't believe,

I thought there must have been a mistake, 194 decibels. What is that compared to? In conclusion, understanding that 194 decibels is the equivalent of the force of a nuclear bomb. Out of your own anus. I don't think so. I just don't know how it's possible. Because you could scream as loud as you could. You'd never be louder.

You'd never hit it. 194 decibels. Sound at 194 decibels is considered the theoretical maximum loudness possible in ear. So how? Meaning that no naturally occurring things that produce this level of sound. No. That's not coming out.

It was one third of a second, apparently. Okay, wow. Like for that third of a second, it was like noise itself ceased to exist. Yeah. Because it was so loud. So today's fact of the day is the world's longest fart, as recognized by the Guinness World Records,

is two minutes and 42 seconds. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Well, this all started because you played a game of Guess Who? The New Guess Who? And they've made all the characters appealing. Yeah. You know, they just all look hot. Yeah.

And there's ethnic diversity. We didn't have that before. It was like one black woman. No, one black guy. Originally, there was one black woman, and then they kind of whitewashed her, and then they introduced a few more through later generations. But yeah,

they've completely changed now. Everybody's like attractive. Yeah, hot. Same with Pluto. They've gotten all very sexy. And so we asked you for your suggestions. We made up a list.

We had round robins. Who is the babe of the board? The hottest board game icon of all time. Now I was like, first I wanted, first I wanted, we were hot on the yellow disc from Connect Four. Yeah. Energetically gave off a lot. Well, there were the energy packs.

This black pickup stick. Yeah, and I feel like people didn't really embrace the energy and get behind or really see. I've never seen Vaughn more turned on in my life than when he talked about the basket. The mousetrap basket. The one that sits at the top of the Julie pole. He's got a glint in his eye. Even you.

Even you with the blue hippo. She's gobbling it up. She's gobbling it up. But our final round, we did introduce a wild card. Bill. Because, you know, we just felt we needed to spice it up. Yeah. Original Bill from Guess Who.

Ginger Goatee. We hereby apologise for having three white men in the final. It wasn't us. You voted. Yeah, you did that, racist. On the eve of International Women's Day, too. You voted. Yeah.

That's not us. And just on the tale of black history, no? So in the final round, it was Bill. Original Ginger Bill from Guess Who. Up against the Monopoly man. Who has not changed much. No. But Professor Plum, we're talking 2016 Clue edition.

Professor Plum, he's hot. He looks like you know, 20 years ago you would have seen him at a Panic at the Disco show. And now he's all grown up and he's got his PhD and he's a professor. And I tell you what, I don't think any other iteration of Professor Plum would have come this close. No, neither.

Neither. Because he was an old binger. All right. Give us the numbers. How did Bill go? It's not good for Bill. No, it's not. Bill came last.

Third at 10% of the votes. He was the wild card, though. But then when we asked about getting players back, Bill was the hot. Yeah, Bill was the number one. Bill was the number one. I will say 679 people voted for Bill. So there are Bill fans out there.

There's Bill boys. There's rosy cheeks. They get people going. Yeah. Okay, who came in second? Monopoly guy. 22% of the votes. Which means the winner of Babe of the Board is Professor Plum from Cluedo.

Yay! 2016 Professor Plum. You might think, oh, this weekend I'm going to whip out our old Cluedo and have a look at this hottie McScotty. No, he's not. It might not be the right one. It might not be the guy. Yeah.

I think if we picked one of those other Professor Plums the right one. It might not be the guy. Yeah. I think if we'd picked one of those other Professor Plums, we would have lost them early in the competition. Yeah. But we had to add some sex. I'm surprised Maria from Guess Who, original Maria,

didn't win either. Robbed. Yeah, robbed actually. She was robbed. She's been hot from day one and that's the thing we overlooked. Yeah. She was the original confusing woman,

her and Carmen Sandiego. Yeah. Anyway, well, well done Professor Plum. That's right. And we did have an epic board game prize pack. All thanks to Mighty Ape. You can swing by Mighty Ape for the best board games to make game night epic.

You can buy it today, get it today with Jungle Express. We love Jungle Express. T's and C's apply always so quick. Literally sometimes the same day. And I believe we have a winner for this board game pack. And I completely have forgotten. I've got no idea. We throw now to the producers to announce the winner of our board game pack and I completely have forgotten. I've got no idea. We throw now to the producers

to announce the winner of our board game pack. I blame you for giving me a donut. It's affected my sugar levels. I blame you for not opening our group chat. Congratulations, Tiana. Tiana! She said she thought Professor Plum looked like he had some kinks

and knew how to use it. Oh, wow. Tiana, ho. Goodness me. Oh, wow. Deanna Ho. Wow, okay. That rope from Cluedo is being used in other ways. Cowan. She reads. Cowan Jones.

Cowan Jones. We know the books she reads. On the end of International Women's Day. Hey, yeah. If they say yes. There is one. Well done, Professor Plum. It's been quite a horny show today, hasn't it?

It's a horny show. We apologise. I don't blame us. There is one. It's been quite a horny show today, hasn't it? We apologise. I don't blame us. I think we put our finger in the nation and took the temperature. They told us. That came out all wrong. I want to say it again. We took the temperature of the nation and it was horny

and so we acted thus. That's all we are, is a reflection of the nation. We are a thermometer. A thermometer. A nation thermometer. We're a gauge. Yeah all we are, is a reflection of the nation. We are a thermometer. A thermometer. A nation thermometer. We're a gauge. Yeah, we are a gauge. I was running late this morning because I wanted to take over my eight hour sleep.

And I think it really shows. Fantastic. So I was doing my makeup. Yeah, thank you. I was doing my makeup in the studio. And then I put. You don't need it. He's learnt finally. Oh, so good. Yeah. And my makeup in studio and then I put... You don't need it. He's learnt finally.

Oh, so good. And on the eve of International Women's Day. I feel raised up. Yeah. I feel respected and praised. Yeah. Which is weird because if I say that at home, it's like, shut up. You don't need that.

Ah, shut up. I mean, I will say about 10 minutes ago, you did call me a Wellington sex. Okay? Hey, but you can't be Wellington on a good day. Yeah, that's, but you can't be Wellington on a good day. Yeah, that's me. You can't be me on a good day. Exactly. But they don't have the net off.

So what you're saying is Hayley three times a year is a nine, a Wellington nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Just like Wellington itself. Well, I'll take it. Today's one of those days. And I put on my cheek tint, my Benetint,

which is like every woman knows. A friend Alice just turned up in studio and I was like, you know this, she knows. I've never seen her tint, my Benetint, which is like every woman knows. A friend Alice just turned up in studio and I was like, you know this. She knows. I've never seen it before in my life. Do you know Alice talking to that microphone? Oh my God, don't make me do stuff. She hates it when we do this. Hello, everybody. You know about this? Yes. It's like a staple. Like everyone

has this and rather than using a powder blush, you put it on and it looks insane for a bit because it's like this big red blood. I thought you'd made a mistake. Yeah. And you were like, what the hell have you done to your face? But I thought the same thing when I first saw you do this, Hayley, maybe a few months ago.

Yeah. It's good fun. You just chuck it on like that and it looks real staining. But it looks like one of those blood facials. Yeah, yeah, totally. But then you just buff it in and it disappears into a live,

and now I look like I've got a fresh face. I'm not actually, I put it on. Do you think that's what Bill from Guess Who does to get the rosy cheeks? I was going to say, if you did it enough, it would look like. Burst capillaries. So you're doing the burst capillaries effect. Yeah, so what I want to announce is that burst capillaries are bad in fashion. I was just going to do that the old-fashioned way by drinking too much

and having high blood pressure. Yeah, I love that. And then we were talking about Benetton because I was like, it's Benetton, Everyone knows Benetton. And I've never heard of it. Did you know this, Alice? Yeah. Do you know what its original use was?

Oh, God, no. Tint the nipples. To tint the nipples. Who was tinting their nipples? Why? People were worried that they had, like, pale nips. Producer Shannon was the one who already knew this. Yeah, so it came out in the 70s and it was basically initially for erotic dancers

and it kind of made you look a bit more aroused. Flushed. Yeah, and that's where the product started and then girlies were like, oh, I could put it on my lips or my cheeks as well. Yeah, I do lips and cheeks. Yeah. I haven't thought about doing the nipples.

Well, you know, apparently it makes you a lot more erotic. Paul, can I see your nipples? You may. Pink enough. Is it pink enough? Kind of pink enough. I want. Paul, can I see your nipples? You may. Pink enough. Is it pink enough? Kind of pink enough. I want to say you've got quite pale nipples, but I don't know how pale mine are.

Do you want a bit of Benetint on your nips? Perhaps I do. Okay. I just want to make them a little bit darker. May I? You may. Please. Thank you for asking.

In the name of science and makeup and history. What if you just did one? Yeah, and then we can do one and we can compare. We'll do a comparison. It's gone very hard. Should it be that hard? Okay, that's actually an HR issue there. It's all right.

It's okay. Now you're just dabbing that on the nipple. Every day we take our friendship to a new level. Yeah, don't we? Okay, so leave your t-shirt up because it's a stain. Show me, Vaughn. Okay. Oh, ooh, it looks like.

You look like a marathon runner. Do I need to rub it? No, no, no, wait. Wait a little bit., it looks like... You look like a marathon runner. Do I need to rub it? No, no, no, wait, wait, a little bit. Leave it a little bit. And then now dab it. Now dab it a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're buffering it in.

See, now look at that. It's a beautiful pink nipple. No, it just looks raw. What are you talking about? That's not... No. I think you look like you've got lovely flushed pink nipples. I present to you my nipples.

I think that the other one looks better. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about this. It feels awkward in here right now, doesn't it? I'm sort of into it. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, great.

As a platonic friend, I appreciate this nipple. All I ever want to do is just raise up my friends and make them feel good. We've learnt. Haven't we had a little make-up history? We have. That would be a good fact of the day theme. Make-up history. Some facts about make-up.

There's one and you've just told it. We've just done it. There are five more. Not impossible. I'll look into it when I'm doing my Sunday research. You should get yourself a bottle of the Benetton, mate. Every woman's got one in her handbag. Lovely.

Have a lovely weekend. Have a good weekend. Regardless of what shade your nipples are. Regardless. We don't nipple shame here on the show. Resine colour chart of nipples.

Yep. You're a ducky blue, aren't you? Well, I painted my hall, what colour? I painted my hall in my hallway nipple pink

and it was a resin colour. I can't remember what it was. It was the colour of nipples. Okay. Really? Yeah. So you've already thought of that. Mine are ducky blue. Ducky blue. hallway nipple pink and it was a rosine colour I can't remember what it was it was the colour of nipples okay really yeah so you've already thought of that yeah duck egg blue

duck egg blue no explanation they just are that way hey remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back

yes let's do that with this podcast oh yeah review it five stars tell your friends and we'll do the same for you if you ever

need a review for anything but where are you giving me my five stars? Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes. If you give us five stars on this podcast, tell us where you would like your review, and we'll review.

We won't even go. We'll just review your thing. I don't want people to know where my restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants. Oh, I was going to say, because that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley.