ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 7th October 2024

Episode Date: October 6, 2024

Gen Z hate the dot dot dot Cars most likely to get you a match on dating app SLP - Do you see colour when you dream? Hayley thought bday celebration was for her Top 6 The Navy We all need a rage friend Fletch turned his location off You should be kissing for six seconds What did you buy a little boozed Jason didn't come Doubtful sound Fact of the day Did you have a secret life?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you Bryn. Good morning. Welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Today we're broadcasting live from our Queenstown studios.

Hi. Hi. Hello. Good morning. Not our usual beautiful mics. Yes, sorry. Just adjusting to the mic here. Is that better? Yeah. You know, that sounds great.

No, we did this before we went on Air Vaughan. Test. Test. Test. I'm always constantly testing and evolving, though. That's just me. I'm sorry. That's just me.

Terrible start to the show. I've lost my lip balm thing. It's in the lid. Oh, no. Because, you know, it got really low, and now I can't Terrible start to the show. I've lost my lip balm thing. It's in the lid. Oh, no. Because, you know, it got really low, and now I can't get it out of the lid. You need to get a little pin in there. We'll get a little pin in there. And get it out.

A little paper club. God, you really wear it right down to the base, don't you? I go through my lip balm. Oh, yeah. Well, we're in Queenstown. It's very dry here. I'm so dry. We all woke up a little bit dry this morning.

A little bit dry, but here we are. I'm so dry. We all woke up a little bit dry this morning. A little bit dry, but here we are. I'm not dry. I woke up moist, if anything. You know me. You know me. I wake up on the moist side of the scale. He's a moist man. He's a moist man.

Now, what's on the top six today, Vaughn? Well, I'm yet to be completely decided on the wording of it, but I also can't see Fletch from where I'm sitting. I should move. Come closer. We have to be side by side, my friend. We're just making some on-the-fly adjustments here to our point set studio. Hello there.

To paint a picture, it looks like Fletch is at a DJ booth and we're underneath being like, DJ, DJ. DJ, do you plan on getting a parent? Darling! We don't do requests. Play, baby. You're a firework. And it'll be regarding this, by the way,

I had not heard anything about this Navy incident. And then yesterday in the car, Fletch was like, how about the Navy ship? I was like, what about it? I was like, Vaughan, $100 million ship sunk. Which we've seen in Perth. Yeah, we have. We have.

We've been alongside. Crazy news. Crazy. Crazy. We'll be dealing with that. Do you think you'll tackle that in the top six? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, now we're, now that we've lost the big ship, we're just

down to a couple of canoes. Yeah. So... It's sad, isn't it? Yeah. I'm glad everybody gotoes. Yeah. Ah, so. That's sad, isn't it? Yeah. All the thoughts of that. I'm glad everybody got off safely, though. Also, sorry, Samo, for that mess we've left there. Oh, darling. It's a shipwreck, right? It just stays there now.

Yeah. Mm, sozo. Sozo? Should we just say sozos? I do think you just say sozo. Teas and peas? Thoughts and peas? No, I mean, like, everyone survives, so that's quite good.

Oh, yeah, we don't need teas and peas, just some sozos. No, just a couple of sozos. Couple of sozos. Also, yeah, we don't need T's and P's, just some sozzos. No, just a couple of sozzos. A couple of sozzos. Also coming up on the show, we need to talk about an embarrassing moment at dinner last night for Hayley. Well, the timing, it all sort of, I don't know. It felt, I don't know. Yeah, I got a bit confused. Right.

Next on the show, though, it's bad news if you love a dot, dot, dot. Play ZM's Flashborn and Hayley. This is coming to us from breaking news source Ladbible. Oh my god. Wow. The internet's trusted news source. You know like Reuters, the New York Times, NZ Herald, Associated Press, Washington Post.

Yes, I've got the hiccups. Exactly. And now Ladbible. Ladbible for the lads. They are reporting that Gen Z are after the dot dot dot. Oh, I love a dot, dot, dot. So you write a message, you're like, okay, so we're going to need a few things this weekend. Dot, dot, dot. Bring a few things.

Dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot. Or, hey guys, dot, dot, dot. Like you've got some goss. I've got tea. Okay. Well, they are calling, these are ellipses. Dot, dot, dot.

Ellipses. Ellipses. Ellipses. Ellipses. Ellipses. Sorry, eclipses. Total ellipses. Like eclipse mints. Yeah, Dot, dot, dot. Ellipses. Ellipses. Ellipses. Ellipses. Sorry, eclipses. Total ellipses. Like eclipse.

Eclipse mints. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Ellipses. Ellipses. Sorry, again, public school. Do you sound... It's all right, darling. One.

It's all right, darling. They're calling them boomer ellipses. Oh my... Screw you. Ellipses. I love a dot, dot, dot. I use it all the time.

It's good stuff. I like it in a passag format. Like, dot, dot. I use it all the time. It's good stuff. I like it in a PASAG format. Like, hey, are you able to do this? No response. Dot, dot, dot. I like when you do the dot, dot, dot in a Word document program, such as Microsoft Word. That's my form.

That's yours of choice? Mine's Google Docs. Is that what it uses in there? When you go dot, dot, dot, and then you go like enter, enter, or space, and it takes it from three separate one stops

to a closer, more compact ellipses. Oh yeah, that's nice. That's nice. How much? I beg your pardon, I just choked on myself. He's got the hiccups,

you're choking on yourself. It's dry. It's the air con. It's dry, man. We are dry down here. We all left our hotel air con on. I didn't. And that's why you're moist.

He's moist, man. We're going to moist man in a couple of dry lads. Always sleep on the moist side of life. Do-do. Do-do. Do-do. Do-do. How much respect do you lose for someone when they do a dot, dot, dot, dot?

Four dots. Four dots? How embarrassing. No, I don dots. Four dots? How embarrassing. No, I don't. That's what I meant. When you see someone not do a proper dot dot dot and they do four. I recently listened to a podcast where they explored

da da da da da. You know if you go like, uh, and da da da da da. It's like an et cetera, et cetera, but it's specifically da da da da da. Oh, right. How many da da da da da's do you use? Eh, on you go, da da da da da.

I do five. I always thought I was a three, but I'm a four. I'm a five. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Well, you would say... This is like the friends clap. I'm already like... It's four. It's four.

No one told you life was gonna be this way. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, you do like sex more than I just... No one told you life was gonna be this way. You do like six more and I just so have to be your friend. Well, the dot dot dot is it's apparently done with. No, it's not. I'm sorry Gen Z. You can't cancel everything.

Though I will say, I don't know if you've noticed, I've moved to a crew sock because Gen Z told me that my ankle socks were no longer cool. Oh yeah. So now I've got a high crew. We moved to those socks like a year ago, two years ago. Yeah, I know. I'm just a little behind.

Why don't yours have Pokemon on them like mine? Mine's got a little heart. Okay. Mine are a quality sock from Kmart. I tell you, they are bone thin. Right. Bone thin, but somehow sweaty. Bone thin and yet my feet cannot breathe.

When your feet are screaming for air in the bone thinnest of socks. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Quarter past six. Quarter past six. It is quarter past six. I don't know why quarter past six sounded funny. Welcome to the show.

It's quarter past six. Sup? Quarter past. Okay, here's the study. Oh, sorry, the energy's changed past six. Sup? Quarter past. Okay. Here's the study. Oh, sorry. The energy's changed because we've all decided to stand. We're standing show now.

Yeah. We're broadcasting the show this morning in Queensland. It's a different set up. It's a small little set up. Yeah. I couldn't see Vaughan behind the screens, so we've decided to stand up. And now it just looks like we're waiting for something. It does.

It looks like we're waiting for a bus. It's like, what are we waiting for? We're sort of all just waiting for a bus. And an old lady's sitting in the seat. So you're like, oh, no, no, you have that. We were sat down and then she came along. We're like, oh, no, no, please, please, please sit. Because we're raised right.

Exciting because we're making our way out to Kadrona later today, broadcasting the show there tomorrow morning. So make sure you're listening for your chance to win. Queenstown's made us very silly. It has. Okay, here's made us very silly. It has. Okay, here's the study that I have before me. It's the kind of car that you should own if you want to nab a date, right? Like the top ten hottest cars.

Okay. That make you more likely to be like, yeah, I want to date him or her or them. Is it a really rich one? Yep. Oh, great. Number ten, the Dodge. I said to Aaron yesterday, the Dodge,

is there American, eh? The big, they got big butt. Is this an American list? Your mum's an American list. I'm sorry. She said that about a lot of things

in the last 24 hours. Hayley is trying, in the last 24 hours, Hayley is trying to bring back the your mum jokes. And I don't know if that's a thing. Last night I had some funny ones.

What was, oh. I was on the plane when they said we're loaded from the front and the back and she said your mum's loaded from the front and the back.

I was like, oh, it's a bit rude. Yeah, I know. I don't know if that's going to win you. Gen Alpha already love, because I've got a couple of those.

Oh, yeah. Gen Alpha's, they love your mum joke. But they say them to each other and they've got the same mum. Oh, yeah.

That doesn't work. Yeah, no, not really. No. Okay, number 10 is the Dodge. It's a big American sort of muscle car, really. Yeah. That's the hottest car.

Well, they don't just make muscle cars. They make trucks and stuff. Yeah, they make Dodge Rams. Yeah. I'd say that's a bit of a... Dodge Challenger Hellcat. Big boy thing.

Okay. SRT is my Dodge. Is he going to be like a Toyota Corolla on the list? No. Well, stay tuned. Oh, God. Number nine, Volkswagen. Okay. Embarrassing tuned. Oh, God. Number nine, Volkswagen.

Okay. Embarrassing. Next. How embarrassing. Number eight, a BMW. Now we're getting these sort of classically hot cars. Okay. There's some nice beamers out there.

Number seven is a Machades. Are you team BMW or team Machades when it comes to German engineering? My parents have a Machades. I'm a Machades. I'd go Machades over BMW. Yeah, I'd go probably Machades. I don't know. It doesn't matter. Not that this is a choice I'll ever actually face. No. I'm a machete. I'd go machetes over beer. Yeah, I'd go probably massage. I don't know. Like, it doesn't matter.

Not that this is a choice I'll ever actually face. No. I'm standing here being like, do you guys want to get a beamer or a machetes? Okay, number six is an Audi. Remember when I had an Audi for three months? Yeah. I did feel hot.

You had a lone Audi. Yeah. Do you think it boosted your confidence? I think it definitely gave me an air of importance. It made me feel rich. Like, I just definitely drove around being like. You definitely had a big dick energy when you had that. Yeah, I did.

Yeah. And then stumbling back into my sort of gross chocolatey Mazda was real full from grace. Yeah. Okay, number five. It's not chocolatey in colour. There's chocolate smeared throughout it. No, there's chocolate throughout it. Literally smeared.

Number five is a Range Rover. Oh, yeah, nice. I don't know, big car. Yeah. They're attractive. Number four is the Range Rover. Oh, yeah, nice. I don't know, big car. Yeah. They're attractive. Number four is the Jaguar. The Shaguar. Austin Powers has done a lot of heavy lifting on the Jaguar there.

So these are the cars that people are, like, would you have these on your dating profile? No, no, just like. They're just going to help you get dates. If you found out that you were driving a Jaguar, I'd be quite impressed and be like, that's really attractive. They've given the difference between you having that car or no car in a percentage form. But it's quite, I mean, any car would be nice. Okay, here's your top three sexiest cars, basically. Number three is the Polestar.

We're getting EV'd. Our friend Mike has one of those. The Volvo TV. Yeah. It's a nice car. Yeah, they're nice. Really nice. Number two, just above that, is the Tesla.

Oh, right. Right, we're in the EVs. Number one, it's a Porsche. It's a Porsche! I just say Porsche. Porsche, yeah. Yeah, I'm being Joey. Oh.

From Friends. Not familiar with the show. Oh, my God. There's one where he, like, poses by a Porsche, and he calls it his Porsche. Oh, okay. No. I don't know. I haven't seen that one.

Is that the one where Ross tries to get the couch up the stairs? Different episode. Different episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But, yeah, number one Porsche, they say, is the hottest car. See, they need to do, like, a more relatable list. I know.

Like, your Mazdas. Toyota. Yeah, yeah. What's mine? My Mazda Accela in gunmetal grey. Yeah. Hot, hot, hot. Yeah.

Like the top 10 cars that get Kiwi Woman, like, mm. BT-50. Hilux. Mazda BT-50. Oh, yeah. We have a lot of units on our list. The Ford Ranger. Yeah.

The BT-50 is the lesbian's truck of choice. Yeah. That's why there's one parked at my garage. Anyway, those are your hot cars. What are you trying to lure them in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good to carry around wood and stuff when you're renovating but also just get the lesbian i was at the airport yesterday hayley missed it but there was a woman i ate her up like a snack with her eyes really yeah yeah yeah yeah

she missed it and it wasn't a i think i recognized that woman from four cancelled new zealand television shows it was way more of a hubba hubba mama mama ma. Wow. Mama mama ma. Still got it. Still got it. We've got a birthday tomorrow, but still got it. Still got it.

Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Yeah. Yeah. Just on the double click on the mouse I remember teaching my dad to double click a mouse And he was like Click Click No, faster I was like, faster? He's like, click no faster i was like faster he's like how

fast i was like as fast as you can go they're like click click it was so good this is going back maybe this is why maybe this is what this mouse is maybe that's what i just thought yeah my dad's first laptop had that little green button in the middle. Like a nub. A little nub that would be the mouse. Yeah. Like IBM's had that. That was so weird. I saw a computer with one of those not even that long ago. I think it's still running on the trackpad.

Yeah, yuck. What do your dreams look like? Is today silly little poll. Are they black and white or are they colourful? I didn't even know this was a thing for people. So there's signs behind it. I was reading this article about this that a lot of people report it was 50% of people reported dreaming in colour all the time. Yeah.

10% said exclusively black and white. And then 40% of people were like, I don't know. I can't remember. I don't know. I don't think about it. Yeah, I never even thought about it. And they think it's something to do with age. Like older people are more prone to be dreaming in black and white.

Maybe because they grew up with black and white TV and black and white movies and whatnot. But it's a thing. And they used to think that dreaming in colour meant that you had psychological issues. Oh, right, the devil was in you. Not me. Well, we asked the listeners, we asked you, dear listeners.

88% of you said they're colourful dreams. 12% black and white. That's crazy. Yeah. Some feedback, please, sir. Who dreams in black and white, says Matt. What are we, dogs? What's next?

Marrying your dog? Marrying your dog? In a black and white dream? Nathan said, I've got no idea how to answer this. My dreams are always so messed up and vivid, but I can't say I've ever noticed colours. That's exactly what I thought. Yeah. Yeah.

You sort of remember more the context of it than the colour. But I think you would, if you did dream in black and white, you'd know, right? Yeah, because you'd be like, oh, why was that in black and white? Yeah. It would actually be handy because you'd know you were in a dream. Oh, yes. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, it's black and white. Maybe that's why you don't notice the colours. I didn't murder that person. Have you guys

had a lucid dream before where you were in the dream, you're like, hey, I'm black and white. Maybe that's why you don't notice the colours. I didn't murder that person. Have you guys had a lucid dream before? Were you in the dream? You're like, hey, I'm dreaming? No. Oh, yeah. You can kind of teach yourself to have them. They're quite weird. But it's always towards the end that I'm like, oh, this is a dream.

Yeah, yeah. You're all good, bro. And then you kind of wake up real quick. Susie, colourful, but they're always set at night or at least in the dark. Oh, okay. Isn't that weird? That is weird. Steph says they have colour but it's always

muted colours. Like more of a watercolour. Or like pastels. Lovely. How relaxing, Steph. Brittany. Not Brittany. No, we like to hit the A. Nothing. I don't dream. I fall asleep and it's just black

and then I wake up. What? Brittany. I don't dream. I fall asleep and it's just black and then I wake up. What? I dream constantly. Yeah. I've been having very vivid dreams lately. What about? Any interesting ones? Everything.

Murder. Oh. All sorts of things. No, I thought I'd murdered someone. I was trying to convince people I hadn't, but they were like, oh, no, we heard. But then the person showed up and I was like, ha, told you I didn't murder them. And everyone was like, okay, it checks out. Wow.

Yeah, but I hadn't murdered. Are there some unresolved issues or unresolved murders there? Unresolved murders, yeah. Yeah, lots of unresolved murders. Brianne says, I don't see dreams. I have them, but I don't see them, if that makes any sense. I sort of get it. You experience them.

You're not watching it like a movie. And she says, I have anphantasia and I can't picture things. Anphantasia? Is that the one where you can't, if you're not with your friends, you can't picture what they look like? No, isn't that that your brain thinks in like words rather than pictures?

It's not that 2000 singer. Anphantasia. I was Ant-Man and the Wasp. Right, okay. Third movie, wasn't it? 2000 singer. Nice. Amphantasia. I'm out of love. No, it was Ant-Man and the Wasp. Right. The third movie, wasn't it? Amphantasia.

Did you Google? Amphantasia is a phenomenon in which people are unable to visualise imagery. While most people are able to conjure the image of a scene, an object, or a face in their minds, people with amphantasia cannot. Interesting. Amphantasia. A-P-H-A-N-T-A-S-I-A. Amphantasia. So you couldn't visualise anything? So you're just thinking in sound. Interesting. Aphantasia. A-P-H-A-N-T-A-S-I-A. Aphantasia. So you couldn't visualise anything?

So you're just thinking in sounds. Like they say that's really important for like if you want to get good at sports, like visualise, you know, like. Visualise, yeah, the ball going in. The ball going in, you hitting a six or, you know, hitting it over the net. I spent half my life fantasising in my brain all sorts of images. All sorts of images and thoughts. Yeah, like the example

they use here imagine you're around it's a warm summer's day and you're sitting on the side of a swimming pool so most people would picture what they're sitting on the tiles yeah the water their feet in the water i've got a pina colada too oh my god i've got a pina colada i don't have a pina colada they're too milky we did kind of of have one yesterday and it milked me a bit. Blue milk. I probably had some blue milk. Had some blue milk. Interesting.

Hold on. I've got more. Where did they go? Here they are. One last one. Danielle says, I said black and white, but now that I've been thinking about it for five minutes, I honestly can't remember if I see colour or not. Unsure.

Unsure. That's the thing. It is. It's hard because you know you're having it, but it's hard in the time to notice if it's coloured or not. That's the thing, it is. It's hard because it's a, you know you're having it, but it's hard in the time to notice if it's coloured or not. That's still a little poll. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Oh, happy birthday to my brother.

It's his birthday today. I just realised that. He's in Australia, so he was not going to hear this. You and your brother are one day apart. And Aaron was yesterday, yeah. Yeah. Wow. One day in three years.

Yeah. He had a birthday party and then my mum had to leave because I was like, I'm coming out, bitch. But yeah. I thought you meant like when he was 16 or. No, no, no, no. On his third birthday. He was like, everybody, I've got to leave the party.

Hayley's going to be a lesbian. I'm coming out, mum. Yeah, it's my birthday tomorrow, which officially marks me leaving my early 30s and heading towards 40. I'm 35. So will you now say mid-30s? Yeah. Wow.

And then maybe in two more years it'll be late 30s. When does it officially become late? 28, 38. 37? 28, 38, 48. That's your late, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, mid, mid.

Okay, I want to go there. I feel a bit better about that. Huh? Is it the seven or the eight where you say late? Are we Swedish rounding this? Mother effing what? I don't know. I don't know how we're rounding it.

But it is my birthday tomorrow. I would go early 30s to 32 and a half. And then from 32 and a half to 37 and a half, you're in your mid 30s. No, that's too big. You've only given two years in one end and five in the middle. Yeah, but then late 30s, you want to spend as little time there as possible. Well, there's no arguing that 35 is mid-30s.

Like, that's literally the middle. She's in her mid-30s. Yeah. How are we feeling about this? Do you know what? Weirder than I thought that I would. I had no feelings about turning 30.

I was like, yeah, that's cool. That feels right. Feels appropriate. Yeah. And now 35, I'm like, hate that.

Hate that. I looked up the other day a facelift. I was like, it's just a subtle one. It's called a ponytail facelift. And it's just

a little one. Just a little one. And I'm like, doo doo, like that. And I was like just a little one. Just a little one like... Like that. And I was like, maybe. Maybe. How much does something like that cost?

Like half the price of the ones where they literally peel your whole entire face off and then staple it at the back of the head. No, thanks. No way. No, I'm kidding. I'm not going to lift my face up until I hit the late 30s.

Yeah, right. And then ask me again. But we went out for... Is this what we me again. But we went out for dinner. Is this what we're talking about? We went out for dinner last night. We were in the midst of our dinner, weren't we? Yeah. And all of a sudden, the music in the restaurant changes

from sort of a low, you know, restaurant song to a very loud, I could tell, like if you've ever been to an American chain restaurant and they had big, here we come with the birthday song energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And immediately when it got loud and I spun around and I saw someone coming out of the kitchen with a cake,

I stood. Yes. Because I just was in a silly mood. Yeah. And I wanted to clap, so I started clapping. And that's when I think Hayley thought, oh my God, they've done something special for me because it's my birthday in a couple of days.

I was like, I honestly, you know, you guys don't often tell me how much you love me. And I was like, I think this is really a beautiful thing. And I was like, it's so nice they've done this. I know I'm feeling funny about turning 35. And then the cake comes down. Comes down. And I've got my arms up in the air like a hero's welcome. And gosh, she just pivoted, didn't she?

She turned right to the old fellow that was having a birthday. Lovely old fellow. Who really did not want the fuss. No. He did not want the fuss. Because we joined in. The whole restaurant joined in. Not really a restaurant where you do that, I wouldn't have thought. I'd say we joined in the hardest. Yeah.

And then everybody else thought, oh, this must be a thing at this restaurant. We do this. We do this. And so there was clapping and singing. And I was so overcome with joy. I was like, oh, my God. And I said to the waitress, I said, oh, it's actually our friend Hayley's birthday. I know. Tomorrow or the day after.

Yeah. And she said, I'm so sorry. It's only for birthdays. It's only on the day. On the day. On the day. On the day. You can't be a little flexible.

I was like, I would love that fuss about me. We made such a fuss for that gentleman who was all sheepish about it. I would have received it much better than him. Oh, you would have received it with open arms. Like that. Head back. Yeah. Just basking in it.

Sing, sing, sing. Sing for me, my angel of music. Yeah. But yeah, it wasn't for me, was it? So that's fine. Shame. Nothing. What's a bit of a shame?

Shame out. Don't shame out me. Shame out. And I had to pay for my own meal. Gosh. What did you expect us to pay for your birthday meal? Yeah, a little bit. What was in your birthday?

Well, tomorrow you pay for my meal? No. Yep. Yes, but I just won't be there when it comes time to pay. Fletch can pay. Oh, no. Guys, it's supposed to feel like a generous act. No, no, no. You do it. pay. Fletch can pay. Oh, no. Guys, it's supposed to feel like a generous act.

No, no, you do it. You do it. You do it. Oh, okay. There better be a fuss made tomorrow. Oh, there'll be a fuss. There better be fuss. There'll be a fuss.

No, I demand fuss. If there's not fuss, get on a little private no-Hailey chat and start making fuss, please. We better start making a fuss. Make fuss. Play ZM's Fletch one and Hailey.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hello. Over the weekend, a New Zealand Navy boat sunk. Yes, the HMNZS Manawanui. We've seen it. We've been on the one that was beside it, and there was a bit of inter-boat beef.

Banter. And, of course, we were on the other boat, of course, with your near-team and started like, there was a bit of yeah, there was a bit of back and forth, but regardless, a $100 million ship. It is. Taxpayer

funded ship, gone. Glug, glug, glug. The irony is this was the ship that, like, maps reefs. Yeah. Hydrography, I think. Yeah. And it caught on a reef. Yeah, you'd think it would have seen it coming.

So how do you go from scratching the bottom on a reef to exploding and then sinking quite quickly? I don't know. We're not boat people. We're not boat people, no. We're radio presenters. Yeah, we're not, yeah. But everybody got off. That's the most important thing. Hell're not boat people, no. We're radio presenters. Yeah, we're not, yeah. Yeah.

But everybody got off. That's the most important thing. Hell yeah. 75 people, right? Or something like that. 75 people on board. No one majorly injured, thankfully. They just went, I think we should abandon ship.

And rightfully so. And good luck cleaning up that oil spill some more. Yeah, well, we've already said this morning, sozo. Soz. Soz about that. Soz about dat. I'd actually like to give some of this toilet roll. I don't know if that's going to do much.

We can set that off. A bit of the oil. You know, it's human hair when you soak up oil. Human hair soaks up oil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then they have these, like, nets of human hair. Where are they getting all this human hair from? The barbers.

Yeah, but I buy human hair for my hair extensions. It's very expensive. Oh, no, this is all like scraps and stuff. The manky stuff. The stuff that they cut off you at the barbers. Oh, right. And yeah, it sticks to the hair. Oh, amazing.

Because I only buy the really high-end stuff that, you know, some poor child's grown for me. Yeah. I have cut off them. Yeah, and they cut off and it feeds their family for a month. Well, I thought there's no need for a naval pylon. Although that's kind of a bit sexy, doesn't it? A pylon. Have you ever been piled on at the Devonport Naval Base?

Anybody here? I can't say I have. No, I haven't. Well, I've got nothing but respect for everybody in the Navy from top to bottom. You know, like rankings-wise I speak of. I've got the top six new Navy recruitment slogans you could use. Number six on the list, seize the day.

Join the Navy. C-E-A-S? You got it. That's beautiful, actually. Seize the day. Number five on the list, the New Zealand Navy, B-Y-O-B. Bring your own boat. Bring your own boat.

Okay. Bring your own boat. I mean, famously you would hope that when you join the Navy that they provide the boat. Yeah. Well, not anymore, Hayley. Especially at 100 million, I'm not BYOB-er.

Remember in Dunkirk, the movie and historical event where they BYOB-ed across the English Channel to pick up the boys. Yeah, true. And bring them home. Number four on the list

of the top six new Navy recruitment slogans, the New Zealand Navy nautical but nice. Oh, I love that. Yeah, nautical. Nautical. Nautical but nice. And see, nautical but nice. I don I love that. Yeah, nautical. Nautical. Nautical but nice.

And sea, nautical. I don't know if this is the right time for a recruitment drive. Well, I think we just let it lie for a little bit. But no better time for a recruitment drive. All eyes on the Navy. Yeah. Okay. Number three on the list, ship happens.

Yeah, great. Fantastic. Join the Navy. Yeah, love that. Yeah. Yeah. Just, you know, these things do happen. Yeah.

Not often. Not often. Yeah, actually, you're hardly you know, these things do happen. Not often. Not often. Yeah, actually, you're hardly ever in this modern age, Vaughan, to be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're running aground. This is something you did, I don't know, in the 1800s and you were finding a country. Feeling very Titanic.

Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six Navy recruitment slogans. Join the Navy, then it's time to sailabrate. I didn't like that one as much. You didn't like that one as much? No. I thought you had it on board. I'm just giving live feedback in the moment. Okay, that'sate. I didn't like that one as much. You didn't like that one as much? No. I thought you had it on board. I'm just giving live feedback in the moment.

Okay, that's right. That would be one. Get on board. Get on board. The New Zealand Navy. Fetch here with the top six. Well, that's number two then. Get on board is the official number two.

Okay, great. You have to sail-a-brate. Yeah. Fail to launch. Oh, yeah. And number one on the list of the top six new Navy recruitment slogans, the Navy's attitude is unsinkable.

Join today. I don't think using the term is unsinkable at the moment. At the moment. It's all point. I think it doesn't feel great. Okay, well, I'll rethink all of these then. Get back to the drawing board with Vaughan Smith's creative agency. Yeah.

That's today's top six. You've got all your different types of friends You've got your cuddle friend You've got your fitness friend Cuddle friend? You've got your best friend You've got your worst friend But you keep them around for a bit You've got your money friend

You think I'm going to What about a common sense friend. I've got your money friend. You think I'm going to... What about a common sense friend? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've got your like handbrake friend. What about party friend? Party friend? I'm a lot of people's party friend. You're a party friend. Yeah, I'm a party friend. Okay, we need to talk about the benefit of the rage.

I don't know. I'm just your handbrake friend. I'll handbrake. No. I guess at a certain time and I'll put on a handbrake. I can see it's just only going to go downhill. I love it when you don't handbrake. No. I guess at a certain time and I'll put on a handbrake. I can see it's just only going to go downhill. I love it when you don't handbrake. The realist friend. The person that'll just point out, you know. I thought a common sense friend could quite often be the realist friend as well.

Okay. We need to talk about the benefit of the rage friend. Oh, okay. So this is the friend who you can just rage, vent, bitch and moan basically. Yeah. With no judgment and even more importantly, no advice given back. You know, no like, oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Why don't you da-da-da-da-da?

It's like, no, I just, the rage friend just needs to receive my rage. Right. Do they say, you're right, or excuse me, I was just yawning there. I'm quite bored. Are you bored? Are you bored? I am. How can I make this more entertaining for you, Vaughn?

I don't know. To be honest, I think it's beyond that now. A dance? Yeah. Maybe a dance. Maybe do a handstand or something. Would it be annoying, though, if you are that person that's receiving the rage? No, no, it's consensual.

No, but you know what? It's rage-essential. Like, every time I see this friend, all they're doing is moaning. Yes, yes, it's consensual. No, but, you know, it's consensual. Like, every time I see this friend, all they're doing is moaning. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That, to me, is not going to be a friend for long. That's a British friend.

You can see them and all they do is moan about things. Oh, I know. But you can also, like, a lot of people talk about, this is online, they were talking about the benefit of the rage friend,

the benefit of the rage chat, have a WhatsApp chat specifically called, like, rage chat. Yeah. So we've got a group, rage friend, the benefit of the rage chat, have a WhatsApp chat specifically called like rage chat. Yeah. So we've got a group, you know, and we chat about all things, but we could have a separate group, the three of us, that is specifically about rage and it's where we go to rage. And maybe it could delete after 24 hours so there's no trace.

We could get it. That's a WhatsApp feature. Yeah, right. Get a redacted chat going. And then, you know, you get it out there and it's just 24 hours of bitching and raging. And then it's gone. And all we need to do is to respond is just some like emojis or whatever.

You know, I don't need to be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. You know, tell me more about this, Fletch. That's good. Just a rage chat. I mean, that's just a best friend, right? Venting about the cost of living. I know. But then with your best friend, it's sort of you sort of doing a bit of everything.

Yeah. This is a of living. I know. But then with your best friend, it's sort of you sort of doing a bit of everything. Yeah. This is a specific thing. Just rage. I mean, I feel like you'd love to be that person, Vaughn, because you love a goss. Yeah, but this is an event, not rage. This is a rage. I know. I'll listen to a rage and a vent, but I can't help myself but give them my two cents at the end.

Maybe a bit of advice. But you can't. The whole thing about the rage chat with the rage friend is you just want to be heard, acknowledged, but not given advice. That's it. Just like, just a yeah, dude. I'm more of a sage friend. I don't know if you are.

I don't know that you're that in my life. They come to me for advice, yes. I don't know if that's you. I don't know if that's you. Yeah. A sage boy. It's also good, they say, to channel it all into one spot so that your negativity doesn't permeate all your relationships and conversations and chats during that day.

So it's all kind of isolated within a rage chat with a rage friend. Get it off your chest. It helps, doesn't it? I assume rage friends have to hate the person you're currently hating. No questions asked. Oh, my God, of course. Yes, of course. We've got that agreement, don't we?

If you hate someone, I hate them too. Yes, yes, yes. I don't even know that person. Yeah. But I hate them. Next on the show, a first for you yesterday when you landed in Queenstown. What was my first? Oh.

What was my first? What? Do you want to tell her? Yeah. You know that big red fridge that you tow around airports? Oh. Hayley's fridge. Hayley's is travelling with a smeg fridge. Because I heard about this suitcase before you went to Europe,

but I never saw it. I've seen it in person now, and it looks like a little smeg fridge. Well, I will say it's having the design effect that I wanted, but, yeah, I am a bit upset about it. Yeah, because it was a first yesterday involving your giant fridge suitcase that we want to talk about next. Play ZM's Fletch, Ron and Hayley. You may remember that I

did visit Europe earlier this year and it was at that point... It's been nice actually having a few months where you haven't talked about it. Shut up, rich from you. And you may... Guys! Guys, stop fighting! Okay, we, stop fighting.

You may remember that I realised that I didn't have a suitcase. Yes. And so I obtained a beautiful, bright red July suitcase. And they're, like, super cute. Which, I'm like, it's an Australian company, right? Yeah. And they're big on Instagram and social, and everyone's like, they're the coolest suitcase at the moment.

And I got the coolest color, like cherry red. And then I got for the trunk style. Don't look at the price. What are you doing? Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Get out. Don't do this to me. Get out.

Don't tell everybody that I spent. Shush. Don't do it. Those suitcases are expensive. Oh, for God's sake. Put your judgments aside. Which one's your one? This one's checked plus? The trunk. Oh, for God's sake. Put your judgments aside. Which one's your one? This one's checked plus?

The trunk. No, mine's the trunk. And then did you also pay to get your letters? HJS. HJS. My little anagram on there. I'm looking at your exact. I've selected the color.

Okay. Because I've never seen it before. Is this the carry-on trunk? Yeah, mine's a big one. It's so nice. And the reason I got it is because I like to be looked at. And I've got to tell you, it works. I like to be looked at.

You were with me. It was something, yeah. Like everyone, oh, that's a nice suitcase. As you go by, oh, that's a lovely suitcase. As Vaughan pointed out, you basically, it looks like a smeg fridge. Yeah, a big square because the trunk one's like, yeah, it's very like boxy. Yeah. It does.

It looks like a smeg. I hadn't seen it in person. But then when I saw it yesterday in person for the first time, I was yeah, it's very like boxy. Yeah. It does. It looks like a smeg. I hadn't seen it in person, but then when I saw it yesterday in person for the first time, I was like. It was a trunk. It does. Because it's shiny red and those smeg fridges are shiny. Shiny and red.

And it's compartmentalised. It's got, it opens in two halves. Yeah. So it looks like a fridge freezer. Yeah, I know. It's so good. And people, honestly, every time I use it, I walk by and people go, oh, that's not there.

It's north. That's north. And that was the, every time I use it, I walk by and people go, oh, that's not there, it's north. That's north. And that was the desired effect. But jeepers, I got it off the conveyor belt yesterday, the gouge in that thing. Oh, I had a big, big, black scratch all up one side. And, yeah, it's definitely not a cheap suitcase. That's why I wouldn't have spent $745 on a suitcase.

Hayley. Hayley. a suitcase. Hayley! Hayley! Hayley! Hayley! Plus the anagram. Plus the anagram. So we're $800, including shipping. Hayley!

I do like the finer things in life. Have we paid off the credit card yet? I don't have a credit card for this reason. I spend my own money and that's it. Oh, my God. I mean, suitcases are expensive. They are. I spend my own money and that's it. Oh my god. I mean, suitcases are expensive. They are expensive. I shall treasure it for a long time. But I need it because it's big and fat. And you know,

there's some of mine. I have curated five exquisite outfits to be in Queenstown. Because the whole, well, that's not the only reason we're here. We want to go and check out beautiful Kadrona. But it's I need to get these winter fits that I've had brewing in my head

out there before bloody summer arrives and ruins it. You want to wear your winter coats and you've got the chance when we hit the slopes tomorrow. I have one of the most ridiculous coats. Don't Google that jacket, but one of the most ridiculous jackets that you're ever going to see.

I can't wait to get it out. That's not the only thing I'd like to talk about at the airport. I know. Now that you guys came in super hot. We sort of adopted these personas, darling. You had these characters and you came in in character. No, we slightly changed the character because we had started a check and when the lady who was dealing with us, I said, we're newlyweds.

Okay. She said, where are you heading? He said, Queensland, darling. Honeymoon. I said, newlyweds. And then I passed the passports and I was like, she won't take my name. She's a headstrong woman. Yeah.

Were you hoping for an upgrade on a regional fly? Maybe right at the front or get to sit with the pilot or something. No, it was just being silly. And then we went into the lounge, which is a membership we receive as part of our workplace. And they told me I wasn't allowed to smoke my cigarettes in the lounge. I said, excuse me, I'm a fully paid up card carrying member. And I came back from the toilet and Darling had poured me a champagne

and I was like, Darling. Darling. So we did. We had a couple of bubbles in the lounge and then we arrived at these Darling characters hot. Darling Remarkables. We were going to adjust them slightly to turn into a younger, spoiled brat versions of themselves.

Right. Because you were picking us up from the airport. Yeah. Then we were waiting for our bags. We opened up Find Friends. And because I would say we are all dear, dear friends. And I think you can hear that when we're on radio. Yeah, yeah.

This is an endearing and a real friendship. And that was when I noticed, Fletch has gone dark on Find Friends. Yeah, and then you said to me, oh, can you have a look and see if you can find him if it was a you issue? Yeah. No, Fletch can see your location.

I'm not hiding from you. It did. It said he can see your location, but when I clicked on you, it wasn't showing me where you were. I think there's a bug because someone else, I don't know why people want to keep tabs on me, but another friend was like, I can't see you.

It should get you to get up to you. You want to know where the body's at. I know, especially because he came down a couple of days early to check out a few things around. I think there's a bug in fine friends. I'm not hiding. I think you just didn't want us to know where you are and who you were with.

That's the only thing that I can do to you. That's the deduction I've also made. I just answer the phone to Darlings, Darlings, where are you? And I'm like, oh my God. No, by the time we saw you we started yelling across the car park, Daddy, we're all alone. Because we thought you'd be there to pick us

up and be waiting for us, Daddy. Anyway, Darlings. Why did you park and pay for parking? Or was it free for us? It was free for 20 minutes. You've just got to pick up drop-off area. No, there's only a drop-off area. You're not allowed to wait. Pick up.

Oh. Well, that's when I looked and I was checking where you were on location. I need to find you've discounted me from a close personal friendship. Okay, you've got to let this go more. I was going to say, we're ready for you to come through. We're ready for you to come through. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. I would like to talk about kissing now.

Okay. And the six second kiss rule. Do you? Six seconds? Six seconds. You've been married and with Shado for how long now? In three days, we've been together 20 years. Oh my God.

That's crazy. So you must be six second kissing all the time. All the time All the time This is how long term Relationships kiss Love you You may remember Was that the start of this year

Or the end of last year I was really trying to bring The pash back into the relationship And some dry humping Yeah I'm a big fan Of dry humping Still I think you talked to

Morgan Penn's sexologist About this About pashing And dry humping Yeah I want to be 14 again She's a big advocate For the long pash Yes And it not going about this. About pashing and dry pumping. Yeah, I want to be 14 again, you know. She's a big advocate for the long pash

and it not going further. Just indulging in a pash. Yeah, well, if you're kissing for six seconds, that is a pash. Okay, ready? Okay, ready? Start kissing now. Now.

This does not sound hot. That did not sound hot. That did not sound hot. That's a long time. It's got to be pashing. Yeah. It's got to be for that long time. Right. You can't be like...

So who is saying that we should kiss for six seconds? Official research. The Gottman Institute and a clinical psychologist. It was studied and it just apparently is six seconds. It's good for the baby. Of course, TikTok got a hold of it just apparently is six seconds. It's good for the baby. Of course, TikTok got a hold of it, so that's why it's back in the news again. It's been around for a while, the old six-second kiss theory.

Is there something about the six seconds that makes the dopamine hit richer and the connection stronger? The six-second kiss can do the following things. It can build a ritual of connection. A ritual of connection? I don't know what that means, but it's got a red hyperlink. Should I want to know what that means? It can create physical touch.

It can be a bid for connection. If your partner initiated it, then it's turning towards your partner. If your partner has initiated it, then it's turning towards your partner. It boosts fondness and admiration. Fondness. It builds appreciation between the two people. It can increase your love maps

of your partner's kissing style. It leads to, it adds to your emotional bank account. Oh my gosh. So it's like the bucket filling thing,

right? Makes you feel good. Yeah, yeah. It can boost, it can boost your positives for the five to one ratio. Okay, that's interesting enough. I'm clicking that.

What is the five to one ratio? It's the magic ratio and the key to successful relationship satisfaction. Okay, that's interesting enough. I'm clicking that. What is the five to one ratio? It's the magic ratio and the key to successful relationship satisfaction. Oh, okay. Yeah. Does this work for friends as well? Like, should we be when we see each other because I like to give my friends a kiss on the cheek or something like that. But should I be making out with them

for six seconds? Not for six seconds. No. What are you doing? Slumbering their cheek. On the cheek. And six seconds also when it starts reducing the cortisol, which is the stress hormone, and boosting oxytocin, the love hormone. Well, you need more six-second kisses. More passion. Yeah, more passion.

Do you think, though, because we are spending so much more time online and it's draining us, we maybe even need to be doubling it to 12? 12 is long, though. Well, this is a six-second minimum, and there's also the 20-second hug. Oh, that's too long for a hug. That's too long for a hug. Remember, I've told you this before. I did a five-minute hug with a friend once.

It was lovely. We just stood in the bedroom. I have to have a time limit. Dr. Shawnee, our friend Dr. Shawnee, loves a hug. I'm like, that's enough. And he's still hugging. I'm like, enough. I got my annual hug yesterday from Fletch.

I've actually reported him to the medical board. I was in the middle of a consultation when he gave me a long hug. You were not born. Do not lie. Do not wind him up. Do not wind him up because he hates that when you wind him up. I do like to wind him up. We don't want to stress him out before his three-day work week.

Yeah, I know. He's working three days a week again and he is so stressed. Okay, again, that's not me saying that, Sean. Yeah. That's us saying that. So six-second kisses. Six-second kiss, 20-second hug. But don't time it, because that's awkward.

If I'm going to six-second kiss in a 20-second hug, I assume I'm getting the whole package. But say you went home and you did this. You initiated a six-second kiss. Wouldn't your partner, who you've been with nearly 20 years, be like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on here? I'm busy. Yeah. yeah that's life you've got to slow things down yeah

so do you think tell me i'm going to tell them hey we're going to start doing it let's put some efforts into the six second kiss yeah because yeah they'll be like and then they'll start to pull away and you'll be like no and yeah that's good and then they're gonna be weird in the back of their head the mood's gonna be weird and then they're going to be weird. And then you'll grab him in the back of their head. The mood's going to be weird. And then you say, now it's time for our 20 second hug. Yeah, don't put a timer on. That's not hot.

Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. If you don't know who Mark Cuban is, he's on that show, The Shark Tank, where they pitch business ideas in the sharks. American billionaire. American billionaire. Owns the, is it the Mavericks? Yeah, the Mavericks.

He owns a bunch of companies. I mean, he's just. He's also proof that you can be a billionaire and not a penis. Yeah. He is always in track shorts, t-shirts, very simple. He tries to fund really important drugs. Anyway, we're not, you know, we're really drinking the Mark Cuban Kool-Aid here. But I want to talk about him because when he was a young man,

he was talking about this recently again. It's a story that pops up. But when he was a young man and he had his first big payday, like first kind of big successful payday, I think he made $6 million or something like that. Oh, wow. Okay. And they went out and he was like,

woo, woo, woo, and they had some champers, you know, to celebrate, as you would. Yeah. When you're doing something like this. And after a few, a couple of little tipples, he made a bit of a drunken purchase, which I have done before, not to this scale.

He spent $125,000 on one thing. Is this how you ended up with an expensive suitcase that looks like a fridge? No, that was a sober and well-researched purchase. Thank you. So he was celebrating and he bought a $125,000 lifetime American Airlines ticket, which they don't do anymore. But at the time, you spent $125,000, and for the rest of your life, you got to fly.

No. And I feel like if you're a businessman to his degree. You would do that. And at the time, he was 32. Yep. So, you know, you've got a lot of life left to live. So, wait, you just go online or you'd ring them up and just be like, I want to fly tomorrow,

and they'd be like, done. Yeah, there you go. Or did you have to pay taxes as well? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I've seen the lifetime things, but it's weird because if the company goes bust or sells, the next people don't have to honor it.

No. And I think one of those budget airlines in Europe did this recently. Right. You paid like an all-you-can-eat fee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you still, every time you booked a flight, you had to pay the taxes. Pay the taxes.

But the rest of the flight was free. So they were out and about, and everyone was like, what are you going to do, man? What's going to be your first big purchase? And he just straight up was like, don't care about cars, don't care about houses, but I fly all the time. And so he literally got on the blower in the pub and was like, like hey do you guys

do like a lifetime sort of a thing and they're like yeah we do it's 125 000 and he paid for it it was it was i'm choking at the fee but then do you know what he did he transferred it to his father after a while he was like i'll just keep paying for my flights anyway i have definitely nine i've got it here in 1999 1999, he held a Guinness World Record for the largest single e-commerce transaction at the time after he purchased a Gulfstream 5 jet for $40 million on the internet. So he doesn't need...

No, because he bought a private jet. Oh, so that's why his dad's got it. October 99. Wow. $40 million. Yeah. But anyway, we've all, you know, had a little bit of an eBay or an Amazon or a Trade Me.

I had a couple of drinks. Obviously, I drink in moderation. Me too. And a friend was selling me on the benefits of a Shakti mat. Oh, we've got a Shakti mat. And they were like, oh, you simply must buy one. And I'd had like, you know, two standard drinks. And I was like, I'm going to buy a Shakti mat.

And then I like lay on it. And I was like, this thing is torture. Yeah, they're really awful if you don't use them. And I was like, I'm going to buy a Shakti mat. And then I like lay on it and I was like, this thing is torture. Yeah, they're really awful if you go into them. And I was like, I don't use it anymore. I've definitely purchased clothes a bit boozed and maybe made a really bold choice, a bold fashion choice. Like a colour? Yeah, and it arrives and you're like, who told you you could pull that off?

Yeah, you're not a lilac person. She's not a lilac gal. This is what we want to know this morning. What was your purchase that you made when you were a little bit boozed? Because it does, it loosens you up. It makes you think you can do things that you can't really do or that you can wear things you can't really wear or just whimsy. Maybe you bought a holiday and you just went,

oh, we've got to go to Thailand. And you wake up and you're like, I can't do that. I can't get the time off work. Why did I do that? Yeah, I didn't check my annual leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't really afford this. No. 0800 DALSATM. We'd love to take your calls now. You can text

her as well. 9696. What was the purchase that you made when you'd had a couple of little drinks? We're talking about what you purchased after a couple of drinks. Just a couple, in moderation. Two standard drinks. Now. After the first hour then one henceforth. Now, Logan has called.

Logan, what did you purchase after a couple of drinks? So I purchased a 50-inch TV. Jeepers. Yeah, so we had a very... Well, we had a couple of drinks after Thursday brunch. Okay. So a little on the edge. Yep.

And decided that the warehouse down at Westfield, down at the bottom of Queen Street, back when it was Westfield. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think one of these 50-inch TVs home. Oh, wait, so you're out. You're out at a birthday brunch having drinks, and then you're like, I want a new TV right now, daddy.

You rolled from the viaduct to the warehouse to buy a TV. I thought, yep, this is a great idea. And how did you get it home? I purchased this TV and went, oh, yeah, I'll just get it on the bus. But sitting there with a big 50-inch TV on the bus stop, I thought, no, maybe I'll get a taxi home. Yeah. I don't know if they'd let that on the bus.

Well, you'd have to get the maxi van It would not fit in the back of the taxi Oh my god you would look like such An idiot with this massive box After a Drunken brunch Logan thank you We brought 20 tickets to the

Women's Rugby World Cup final Wow We all forgot until we checked the emails the next day, saw the receipt, managed to rally 20 people to the final, which was an eight-hour drive from where we lived, to watch the Black Ferns win. I went to that game, and that was a phenomenal live sports event. Worth it.

Great purchase. But now. Get 20 people together. Hey, I've done something. Do you want to be part of it? And drive eight hours to take part in it? After a couple of sensible-sized standard drinks, I ordered a jug from Kmart.

It was a super cheap deal. I was like, this is great. It arrived. It was a kid's toy jug. Yeah, 100%. It didn't boil water, but it lit up and made the sounds like it was a boiling jug. Oh, that's so...

Like a kettle. Oh, that's so... Like a kettle. Oh, my God. Brilliant. I bought tickets to the Star Trek 50th anniversary convention in Las Vegas after a couple of, I would say, on the smaller side of drinks on Boxing Day. Panic call to the travel agent. We ended up getting there. Oh, really?

We got there. Yeah, yeah. So they sorted us flights and we got there and we went to it. I Oh, really? We got there. Yeah, yeah. So they sorted us flights, and we got there, and we went to it. I'd love to know how that went. A friend of mine just messaged, and she was out with someone one night having a couple of standard drinks with waters in between. Yeah. In moderation.

In moderation. And her friend was just like, I need a new car. I bought a Tesla online. What? A Tesla? Let's buy a Tesla. How do you buy a new car online? I don't know.

My partner, after a couple of cold, delicious, but standard-sized and responsible drinks. In moderation. Bought a pair of used Crocs off Trade Me. No, no, no, no. Crocs you buy new, eh? You buy new. This was before Crocs were cool. He absolutely loved those Crocs.

He had them for four years before they broke, and he was very upset when they did. Yuck. Let's buy some new ones. They're too sweaty. Yeah. I bought a gorilla suit because I thought it would be funny walking my kids to school in the gorilla suit.

They didn't think it was as funny as I did when it arrived. No, that's worth the money because that's embarrassment. Yeah. Yeah, true. That's great. A Fijian package. Imagine that's not the penis of a Fijian man. Oh, that's a shame.

Which I don't know if that can be purchased online. I don't know if you can buy those online. No. It was what we thought was a Fijian package. And we were like, that's a pretty good deal. Like a holiday at the islands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bought it.

We were like, fantastic. Next day, looked at the fine print. Didn't include flights or transfers to the island. What? It was an accommodation and food, all-inclusive things, but then we had to get there. What, like, was it $400? And they were like, great deal, this.

Great deal. Wow, what a bargain. Yeah. Somebody else said they bought a Tesla online and a whim, too. What? Who's got that amount of money to just whim buy a big, fancy electric car? Do they let you pay it off, maybe?

Maybe. You can get, like, a little thing, right? I bought a 400-litre fish tank two and a half hours away from where I live. Didn't take into account. Trade me. That's the bad one, right? I'm five foot nothing. They use different language.

I'm five foot nothing and can only reach halfway into it. It's kind of like a pool. What's a 400 litre fish tank? You think what a 200 litre drum's like? Yeah. Twice that. Huge. Looked lovely with some neon fish.

Oh, lovely with a couple of neon fish. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Like the queens we are. Now, I, last week, Thursday through Saturday, I'd performed a return season of my show Wild Flutters. It was my comedy fish show. Thank you to all the beautiful fans that came and made it a great time.

But I got a lot of messages from hopeful audience members who kind of have a feel like it was like dampening their excitement to see me, who were like, oh, I hope I come on the night that Jason comes. Because I mentioned that he's in town and I was going to try to invite him. Hollywood superstar Jason Momoa. Yeah, Aquaman. And I...

For those that don't know, when you first interviewed him for the Fast and the Furious movie... It was during Comedy Fest last year. And I invited him to come to my show that night, despite the fact it was sold out. I was like hon, let me shuffle some sheets for you babe. But he had to go to the premiere so he couldn't come

and he was genuinely like oh I would have come. And so I said next time if you're in New Zealand and I'm performing, I'll invite you. So here's how it all played out. I said that I was going to invite him. I did. I messaged him and I invited him. On Instagram, a DM. Yeah, we DM'd.

Yeah. And, Does he still follow you? Yeah. Yeah, we've messaged every now and then. You said that too quickly.

I check daily. I check daily. Like you check a lot, but yeah, okay. And I messaged and I invited him and I was like,

hey, and I was cool, I tell you, I was being cool. Hey my dude, hey man, if you're looking for a giggle, I'm doing my show, da da da da da. And he was like, awesome, hell yeah, I'll come on Friday. And I was being cool. Hey, my dude. Hey, man. If you're looking for a giggle, I'm doing my show.

Da-da-da-da-da. And he was like, awesome. Hell yeah, I'll come on Friday. And I was like, perfect. Do you know what? I've stitched myself. Stitched myself. Stitch yourself up.

I've stitched myself up. Not stitched myself. What's the thing in my own foot? Something with my own foot. You've put your foot in your mouth. No, I can't remember. You've eaten my own foot. You've put your foot in your mouth. No, I can't remember. You've still eaten in your own foot. You've eaten in your own foot. Well, what I did is

I had the choice of what time I wanted to put the show on, and because we work Breakfast Radio and I was performing on a Thursday and then I was doing radio the next day, I was like as early as possible, please. So I said 6.30. Which, by the way, I think all concerts and anything should be at 6.30. Yeah, I know,

but not when Jason Momoa wants to come, but he's still on set at that time. Oh, because he's still working. Yeah, yeah. So he messaged me being like, oh my god, I'm in, and I was like, great, I'll put some seats aside for you. Yep. Was really awkward going up to Box Office and being like, hey, if Aquaman turns up,

just let him in. Yeah. I don't know if he's going to, I said he probably won't arrive, but if he does, just please let him in, and with anyone who he's with, just let him in. I don't know if he's going to, I said, he probably won't arrive. But if he does, just please let him in. And with anyone who he's with, just let that happen. But yeah, it was still on set. And that's fine. So we did apologise. And then on Saturday, he messaged me again with a little voice note

saying that he was really disappointed and sorry that he couldn't come. And then he was like, sure that I smashed it and he may have called me my love. He may have said, aloha my love. And I was like, well, yes, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do I need to sign? Yes, I do. I will take your last name. Yeah.

And I was like, this is, that's really nice. He went out of his way to send me a nice little message. Right, but you reckon he would have actually come, or is this being nice? I think so. Right. I don't know.

Yeah, it was fine. It was quite nice that he sent that message, and then he was like, how are you out tonight? And I was like, yeah, I am. And then he just never messaged me back. So... Okay.

Just sort of ships in the night, aren't we? Yeah, really. Yeah. It'll make such a funny story for your grandkids, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I assume will just be his children's children, because you don't we? Yeah, really. Yeah. It'll make it such a funny story for your grandkids, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I assume will just be his children's children because you don't want children.

Oh, yeah, no. No, that'll be part of it. If we do end up getting married, he can never see his own kids again. Oh, no, you're going to ban him from his own kids as well. Jesus. Anyway, look, no, he didn't come,

but lots of people did, and I thank you. It was a lot of fun. But then did you spend the whole show looking out at the two empty seats? A little bit. Was it reserved seating? Yeah, it was reserved seating,

but there was like an area out the back that wasn't. I was like, just let them in up there. So, yeah, if you saw me on stage and I was casting my eye up to the top seats, I was like that sad kid waiting for her dad. And dad never came because he's working late. Dad didn't come. Broadcasting the show from our Queen Sound Studios.

Tonight we stay up at Kadrona and the show is live from Kadrona tomorrow. And not only that, we have a chance for you to win a weekend at Cardi's. For you and a friend. So we'll give you all those details soon. And let's not forget. It's Hayley. Oh, sorry. It's Hayley's birthday.

Jeez. And that's the reason you were down. They invited us down because you were moaning about not being able to wear your winter coats. Yeah. So I brought all of them. Well, I brought a beautiful selection of them. Okay. And I'm going to wear them for my birthday.

And then it's gonna be a nice time on the mountain I haven't been up there for a good few years well yeah over the weekend I because I came down early sees the car pay sees the weekend or whatever however you say car pay the weekend car pay DM the weekend I thought I sees the day sees the weekend day the week car pay the DM weekend yes something the week I thought well weekend. Seize the day, the weekend. Can't pay the DM weekend or something. The week DM. I thought, well, let's make the most of this.

And I did Doubtful Sound. I ticked it off my New Zealand bucket list. I've never done it. I haven't done Doubtful, I've done Milford. I've done Milford. See, that's what I haven't. I haven't done Milford and I haven't done Doubtful. I've done Marlborough.

Yep. That is beautiful. That's beautiful. Milford is... Wait, can I say... And I've done Dusky. Wait, can I say... And I've done Dusky. Wait, can I say that I've done the Milford Sound because I've been on the Inter-Islander like ten times?

No, the Milford Sound is nowhere near as that. No, not the Milford, the Marlborough. Can I say I've done Marlborough when I've been through the Inter-Islander? No. Wow. Yes, technically yes. Okay, I've done that too. Did you stand outside the whole time?

Sometimes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I've done that too. Did you stand outside the whole time? Sometimes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I've stayed there. But I've had a bottle of Dusky Sound wine. That's nice wine.

I don't know if they do. There's no wineries. It's a national park. No, there's a winery called Dusky Sound. Oh, right. Okay, right. Isn't that called Dusky Point? No, it's Dusky Sound.

Oh, okay. Right. Okay, well, that's your extent of Dusky Sound. That's my only foray. So I did the overnight. You did the downfall. I did the overnight. So it's like you start in Tiano, no, in Maripuri,

and you go on a boat over the lake for like 40 minutes, and then you bus over this road that they built to make the power station, the hydro dam and all the pipes that go through there. Yeah, because Maripuri, the power station's actually in the mountain, isn't it? Yeah, it is. And the water rushes down from the lake through this tunnel. And then comes out and shoots out into the sounds. And so there's this layer of fresh water over the sounds

from the rain and from the dam. And that's what makes it so beautiful and dark. Your stories are still up, by the way beautiful and dark your stories are still up by the way stories are still up on my instagram you need to post more on your grid yeah is this i was gonna say this is 21 hours the water is so glassy and flat that people who work on the cruise were taking photos and videos which they never do which they never do because i went out with you really and said and yeah that when you saw the captain come down and take photos even i think even he said like i've been doing this for so long,

like, this is, like, incredible. And it was even more insane because, obviously, Dunedin had a horrible time over the weekend with a lot of flooding. But I'm going to pick up the mood. I'm there this weekend doing a comedy show. It's really going to rouse the community. But it was insane.

She's donating all. Are you going to donate all your props to local? Okay. I'll pop off the mic. Okay, shut the hell up. Shut your mouth. I think this is how she's paying for her flooded mortgage. Yeah, sorry.

It's morale. Morale. I'm bringing morale down. Yeah, but it was insane that literally on the same weekend, I was on the opposite side. I mean, roughly. Yeah. On the opposite side of I mean, roughly. Yeah. On the opposite side of the island.

This is a drastic place, isn't it? Is what you're saying. Like, how insane is that? Like, you're over there on the flattest water that the captain's ever seen. Yeah, it was insane. It's dramatic. And you stay on the water. Like, you go up into these, like, arms and the sounds, and it's just beautiful.

Sides? Can I? Sidebars? Sidebars? I agree, yes. I would just like to pull up to the sidebar. up into these like arms and the sounds and it's just beautiful sides can i can i say yes i would just like to pull up to the sidebar it's speaking of comedy fletch has really been on fire in the last couple of weeks have you noticed that he's just funny funny funny funny funny i don't know what's changed no definitely not sometimes before you get into the work one yeah fletch just does like a time but i just use i just Fletch just does like a type 5. I just use up my comedy. Just like a type 5 is so good.

I just, on your story, you saw a seal, you saw a video, and you videoed the seal more like New Zealand. I just think that's so funny. That's good stuff. You know what I like about that? It's clean. It's clean comedy. It's clean. Clean comedy. You don't need smart or cussing like me.

No. He's smart and he's clever and articulate. Not just some foul-mouthed potty woman. Look at this me. That's you. Look at this glassy water. Yeah, honestly, it was so beautiful. Did it help your ice heart?

It started to defrost on the outside. Yeah. My cold heart. It's got permafrost, though. I would weep if I saw that with my own eyes. It was so, like just the whole time you're like, this can't get more beautiful

and it just did. It's a stunning part of the country. Even last night we had a little tipple on the boat bar that is in the Queenstown. That was literally

not moving. Well it was, it was moving side to side and made me feel a little gungy. We had to leave. We wanted to go another one. My constitution is weak.

And the light when it hits the mountains. We just live in a beautiful country, don't we? How lucky are you? The good times don't stop. Because I've got a little surprise for you both. When? After the show today, I'm going to take you to one of my favourite places in Queenstown. Walter Peak Station.

On the Lady of the Lake. The urn slaw. The urnak Station. On the Lady of the Lake. Oh! The Ernslaw. The Ernslaw. I've been on the... Ernslaw. Ernslaw boat before. It's Ernslaw.

But it was for a TV thing and so I was working. Oh. You know me. I love steam engines. Okay. I've never been on it. This is going to be a great occasion for one of my jackets. Do we have time to do this before we go to Katrona?

Yes, we do. Yes, I've checked. Because I don't trust you to plan anything. No, I've planned it. Okay. Can I get something in before then? I want us to go downstairs. We're just in our studio.

Just downstairs is one of my favourite shops. We're going to pat the polar bear. Oh, there's a taxidermy polar bear down there. Yeah, they didn't kill this polar bear. It was from a very old museum and they've rescued this taxidermy. Right, okay. We're going to pat the polar bear and then we're going to go on a boat. Exciting. Oh my God, exciting. Right, okay. We'll pat the polar bear, and then we're going to go on a boat. Exciting.

Oh, my God, exciting. Thanks, Fawn. The good times never stop. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan, and Hayley. Time for... Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- On wooden floors Yeah on my brand new wooden floors You get those off No heels Yeah Well similar Similar

In Greece It's illegal to wear high heels When touring any ancient monuments Oh I mean that makes sense Because it'll kind of chip away at them Yeah it chips away They're like a soft Yeah

A soft sole Ice pick Also having been there I don't know how you would even Like approach cobblestones and heels. And heels. No. No, you'll have a twisted ankle in no time, you silly goose.

If you're sightseeing, you must have been a sensible sneaker. A sensible walking shoe. But apparently, it was never a concern until people started wearing heels because they wanted to have photos up there, like little quick little glamour shots. Oh, yeah. Yeah. of shots. Oh, yeah. Quicker than before Instagram influences. People would get up there in their heels and it would scratch and they could literally see

as you said, on a hardwood floor, you can see it. The dings, the dents. Yeah, like stairs, you know, like wooden stairs in a place where someone's been in high heels and it's just got the puncture marks in there. So they, in an effort to stop them grinding down the ancient stone and putting marks and scratches and stuff in it, ban high heels.

I mean, I just think in general we could probably get rid of them as a shoe, as a concept. Yeah. You know, they're not enjoyable. I'll reach for a boot. And if I do go a heel, which is once or twice a year, it's a chunk. It's a chunky. I'm not stilettoing.

Have you ever been in a place where they've encouraged them in the workplace to wear them as a workplace? No, I've never had a real job. Right. Nah. Because apparently in many countries it's still legal for a company to require female staff members to wear high heels and there's nothing the females can do to say no. Really? The flight attendants have their boarding shoes and then their onboard shoes, which is a bit of a heel, but it's not a stiletto.

I just thought they had one sensible shoe. No, they switch. Do they? Especially ones like Emirates and all that. They've got like a high heel, almost a stiletto, but not like super high. And then when the flight takes off and then they can get up and start doing their job, they slip into a more sensible lower heel.

Yeah, because when you see them walking through the airport, like the flock of airline workers, they often will have heels because you'll be like, oh, what a glamorous looking squad. And then they go into more of a low sort of chunky heel. Or dealable heel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well. But no, whenever I see, every now and then.

And you were just hearing chucks. You literally looked at me like I was scum. Like maybe put some effort in, you know? I know, I'm wearing gym leggings, a holy Metallica t-shirt and chucks. But our workplace in Auckland is like a huge building. Yeah. And every now and then I'll see women there in their stilettos and heels and I'm like, are you doing that all day?

Yeah. This is all weddings only for me. We went to a tile place the other day and the woman that was working on the top place had high heels on but of course everything's tiled so you just could hear it like it is a lovely sound all around it's a lovely sound and i wondered if it was for the sound because it was quite aesthetically pleasing yeah added a whole century element where you've had to make high heels i thought you could say have you guys ever worked in a tile shop i've had to wear high heels? I thought you were going to say, have you guys ever worked in a tile shop?

I was like, no. Anyone? Just around the room? Anyone worked in a tile shop? I actually had to tell. Sharday said, oh, I like these. I'm putting on these tiles. I said, you need to pump the brakes on the Hayley taste on those tiles.

Green. Yeah, they were like some wacky tiles. Don't call my house wacky. It's classy. It's classy, but it's very you. It's a bit wacky. We're not green tile people. No. Well, today don't want wacky. Don't call my house wacky. It's classy. It's classy, but it's very you. It's a bit wacky. We're not green tile people. No, we're not.

Well, today's fact of the day. Is high heels are illegal to wear at any Greek ancient monument. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. This is a juicy I hope you're all ready for a juicy story I'm thirsty for juice Well it has been ruled on A Chinese same sex couple Were together for seven and a half years for a juice-est story. I'm thirsty for juice. Well, it has been ruled on. A Chinese same-sex couple were together for seven and a half years

in a secret relationship. Apparently moved to New Zealand because in China, the lifestyle was frowned upon. Okay. Wait, this is during the news. We're in a nation of one billion people and we can't celebrate lesbians?

Oh, we've got some lesbians on our hands. We've got lesbians on our hands. That's how it's described. Okay. So the younger one... I really missed out on a liaison at the airport for those that have just joined us. Oh yeah, there was. You were checked out like you were like

a very tall... He said eaten alive. She was eaten alive by the eyeballs. Okay. Of a very tall, very powerful looking lesbian. A lesbian woman? Oh wow, okay. Yeah, looked at Hayley and it wasn't a and Hayley didn't even notice her.

It was a How funny is it though when you notice someone checking out your friend and they don't even see it? Yeah. What a waste. What a waste.

It would have really boosted me. Would have connected. It happens all the time because all my friends are hot. That was good from him. That was really good from him. It was kind of a one stop

compliment shop. You're welcome. I don't get to experience it because I'm the hot one of my friends. That's why I surround myself with a pack of mingers. Yeah, so you stand out. So I stand out. Hence why at the airport you really popped next to Vaughn. Next to Vaughn.

Yeah. I'm a six, but around him, I'm a ten. By comparison. Yeah. I'll just keep reading the story. I'll just keep reading the story. I'll just keep reading the story. I look ugly when I cry. Yeah, man.

I look puffy. So you see that you can get uglier. Well, you said six. There's six numbers below that. I'm just trying to be a one. The family court found that the appearance of the old woman in the relationship had provided virtually all of the funding

for a property and like a car and everything. And it ended when their daughter, the older of the two, had an affair. So now it's all like, obviously, they were together. A lesb-affair. A lesb-affair. A lesb-affair. Which is what you call when a lesbian has an affair.

Not to be confused with a lesb-affair, which is where lesbians go to a buffet. Right. Okay, don't say that. Stop. You did well. You stopped yourself. You did well.

You stopped yourself. You've learnt in radio to stop. Getting better, yeah. So the car, a million dollar house, personal bank accounts, relation, all of this stuff, and she got a 20% share of it. The partner who was cheated on. The younger one who was cheated on

in the family, in the secret relationship. Wow. So this is why this is news because it went to like property court. Family court. Yeah, right. Okay. But they were secret lesbian lovers. Yeah.

I guess what, because the family was so conservative. Yep. It says here, hold on, she destroyed us. I tried to what, because the family was so conservative? Yep, yep. It says here, hold on, she destroyed it. I tried to tell them that I was gay when I was in my 20s. They did not take it well. They sent me to a doctor for some sort of psychological support because they saw my homosexuality as a mental illness. You get those gay pills.

Yeah. Sort that right out. Yeah. Clears up in a week. Does that come in a liquid because I can't swallow pills? Oh, no. It's called rush. Naughty.

Behave yourself. So we wanted to ask about secret relationships. Who are you keeping it secret from? Why? How long has it been secret? Because, like, obviously a lot of people would keep the gay or lesbian relationships a secret because of conservative parents or older parents maybe that aren't happy with it but do you know who else like when um somebody gets with someone from the

friend group yeah and they're waiting for it to be real serious before they introduce it okay we're gonna tell them that or you start seeing someone one of your friends exes yeah and you have to keep it secret i had a friend who got secretly married for reasons I dare not say. But a secret marriage from like everyone. Yep, told no one. And I was like, wow. When I found out, I was like, oh my God. Was it like to stay in the kind of, oh yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why. That's why. Wow. Okay, well, we want to take some calls. 0800 DARS at M. I mean, secret marriages, surely there's a handful of those, but there will definitely be secret relationships.

Yeah. 0800 dials at M is our number. Give us a call. You can text her as well, 9696. Have you been in a secret relationship? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A juicy story. It's come to us via family court of a secret relationship.

Secret Chinese lesbians. That was actually my Rock West band name. Secret Chinese lesbians. Yeah, yeah. We didn't get through to the original heats of the Rock West. What was the other? You had another band name yesterday. Moist Handles.

Moist Handles. Some guys drink water leaked on the plane and I said, now you've given me very moist handles. Oh, right. Sounds like a great name for a dance. That was when we did a phone-in topic, tell us your rock best band name was. Straight up one of my favourite phone-in topics of all time.

We should do it again. I haven't done it in my time. We should get someone to ring up and describe their stage challenge. Oh, my God. Because you know stage challenges were indescribable. It was about taking heroin. You're like, what? As a teenager in New Zealand?

Right now, though, we want to know about your secret relationship. Because this has all come out in family court because, you know, there was money involved and property. It was secret, but should that mean that the ordinary rules don't apply of the 50, you know, the split? Yeah. But they didn't get a 50-50 split, did they? No, they got 20% because it was all gifted from their parents. From one of the rich, older lesbians' parents. And the parents didn't know about the other partner.

I hope one day I get described as a rich, older lesbian. Do you know what I mean? That's actually my request, Bandai. Rich, older lesbians. Tomorrow, one third of that comes true. Don't. You'll be older. I will be slightly older.

But you're not yet rich and not yet lesbian. So we have a caller on the line who will remain anonymous, and I believe you have been in an 11-month secret relationship, and you haven't told the family. Is that right? Yeah, that's right. Wow, and why is it a secret? My parents are still hung up on my ex,

and they can't understand why I left him. Oh, they really like him. They really like him. They still invite him to all our family events. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, you've got rid of him. They're your parents. They've got to cut him off.

Is the new boyfriend better? Do you want to tell them that? Yeah, yeah. Put mum on the phone. Mum of anonymous. Mum-nonymous. Mum-nonymous. You've got to let go of the past relationship.

Yeah. Do you think they'll like the new boyfriend? But they can't. Yeah. Do you think they'll like the new partner? Oh, I think they will once they come to terms with it, but just too much drama. But 11 months. When do you think you're going to tell them? When it comes up in casual conversation or when my kid eventually lets them know.

What? Wow. Kids can't keep secrets. Okay, amazing. Well, good luck with that. Some messages in can't keep secrets. Okay. Amazing. Well, good luck with that. Some messages in. Your secret relationship. Started dating a girl years ago. Had to keep it secret as my mate really liked her.

That ended our friendship for a while because he was so mad when he found out. Turned out she ended up with almost everyone in our friend group eventually. She's doing the rounds. Yeah. Kind of like collecting all the Weet-Bix cards. Yeah, you've got to catch them all, you know. Sometimes you're just after that last Richie. Yeah.

The gold card. Yeah. You've got to end with a Richie. My friend's son had been with a girl for two years. Her family didn't know about it. They're Indian and he's a New Zealander. They told her family two years ago and they said no. Because I forgot about this religious thing as well.

Yeah. It is weird. The race thing still... I know. He's Indian, he's Indian. No, she's Indian, he's... Described here as a white New Zealander. Just a general...

Just plain white. Just plain old white bread. And they told her family two years ago and they said no because of his ethnicity. But they said they are a beautiful couple. But love is love, you know. Love is love. Love is colourblind.

I, as someone who has reaped the benefits of an interracial marriage, I think they should be compulsory. Oh my God, same. You're saying what we need is a big old melting pot. I actually think so. Yeah. Okay, keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800 dials it in.

Tell us about your secret relationships. So many people. Surprisingly, lots your texts coming in 9696 0800 DARS at M Tell us about your secret relationships So many people Surprisingly, lots of texts Not too many people want to talk Because it's secret I know, that's the whole way secrets work I'm currently in a secret relationship Because I'm an adult online worker

Is that cam stuff? Like work from home Yeah Online Yeah So if I were to post about my partner It would hurt my income because men who watch and pay like to imagine they've got a chance with me.

Yes. It's been four years. My man adores me. He doesn't mind it at all. Actually encourages me to work good money. Hell yeah. Get it. Get that cheese.

You're one of your rules. Get that cheese. Get that cheese. Get that bread. If we're making that money, man, I'm getting a block of tasty. Yeah, we're getting that cheese. I'm getting a block of tasty. I'm going to get it.

You're going for the bougie cheese? I'm going to get it pre-gr of tasty I'm going to get it pre-graded When you get paid for that How do you pay your tax and stuff? Just like a normal freelancer Amazing So you can claim back everything The couch, the lighting Your internet

100% The lot Anything associated to it Your lighting. Yeah. Yeah, your lighting. Your internet. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. The lot. Fantastic. Anything associated to it. Your pedicures if you did foot stuff. Yeah, because you've got to look good. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's got to look good, doesn't it? Okay, good. We've established a good little sexy bit of text chat there. Yeah, that's it. Instead of with the online sexy stuff and we're like, oh, you guys want to get real sexy, let's talk about text. I hope our accountant listeners really appreciate that. They did. Yeah, fantastic.

Don't call me. Sorry. I still haven't told my big brother I'm engaged to his best friend. We're all super close and it would absolutely destroy him. It was his one rule for me growing up. Oh, no, but you're adults now. You're adults. Oh, it's nice.

Then his best friend becomes your brother. Yeah. Also, how did you get Then his best friend becomes your brother. Yeah. Also, how did you get engaged and keep it secret from him? Like, you must have kept it secret from everybody. I never hooked up with any of my brother's direct friends, but he hooked up with a couple of my friends. Did he? Yeah, it was fine.

Was that upsetting? Did he dog happy birthday? No, I loved it. It was fine. I loved it. It was a weird thing to say. You just caught yourself. I just like, yeah.

Put that in your therapist notebook. I had no problem, but I think he would have found it weird because I'm the little sister. Yeah, you would have found it weird. Oh, yeah. If your friends were hooking up with your sister. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Because you're like, ooh, yuck, she's so gross. What, why? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just found it difficult to believe anybody would want to hook up with any of my siblings. Yeah, a female you.

Obviously, you're the 10. Yeah. And they were like, well, what about us? No, I'm only a 6 compared to you. But if you're a 10, what am I, a 15? In my family, you'd be a Smith 15. Holy moly. Or a Smith Dean.

A Smith Dean, as we call it. A Smith Dean. You're a rarity. We're a rarity. When I was young, I had a secret relationship with my sister's friend. Here we go. Here's another one. I was staying at a friend's house and snuck out to go see him.

Fell asleep at his, and my friend woke up, and I was gone. Everyone freaked out, and I made up an excuse to where I was. Eventually, it was all found out, though. Oh. Yeah, oopsie-daisy. My partner and I were secretly dating for three months. This here's my flatmate, and we were waiting to see if it would work out before getting everybody else's opinions about the relationship.

Now we've been together for one year. Have a good day, team. Oh, thank you. We're actually going to have a great day. Yeah, we're off to Kidrona and we're going on the cold slore soon. In terms of days, the TSS cold slore. Put some respect on that name. But I think in terms of days, ours is all set up to be a great day.

A great day. Kept mine and my boyfriend's relationship a secret for months because everyone knew we were originally just supposed to be a Tinder hookup and we were embarrassed on how we met. It's been a year now, though. I thought all of that online shame was gone. Is this a text from like 10 years ago? Because there's no shame in that now.

It used to be, but not anymore. No, certainly not anymore. I'm coming up with 15 years with my partner. My dad knows, but my mum doesn't. What? My dad is separated. We own two houses. Very happy, but my mum's super toxic,

so she doesn't get it to ruin it this time. Oh, mum's out of it. Yeah. Ooh. Okay. Wow. That's it. Okay, we'll out of it. Yeah. Ooh. Okay. Wow. That's it. Okay, we'll go on the cold slaw now. Can we go on the cold slaw, please? I will smack both of you. I will cancel this trip if you don't believe me.

Cheeky. Shivers, guys. 10 out of 10 podcast. That one? Yeah. I think two of us were 10 out of 10 and one of us wasn't. Well, who was that? Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rating and review. Please do. Unless it's a bad one. Oh,'t. Or who was that? Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rating and review. Please do.

Unless it's a bad one. Oh, yeah. Don't bother. Yeah, no, don't. Don't bother. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.