ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 8th August 2024

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

Top 6: NZ Post   Vaughans Sirens of the World!   How bad was your bad day at work?   Silly Little Poll!   Celebrity Gym Goers!   Parental Bribes!   Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Fawn and Hayley, it's two minutes past six. All accounted for. Did consider it this morning.

Oh guys, I'm not feeling that well. Well, you had a late night last night filming seven days. That's on three tonight, isn't it? It is on tonight. And apparently ep two of Taskmaster was on last night. It is on tonight. And apparently Ep 2 of Taskmaster was on last night. It was. The family is loving Taskmaster.

Yeah, good vibes. Yeah. Something for everyone. Last night, what episode did you go to the filming of, Fletch? Eight. Eight, yeah.

How many were there? Ten. Ten. Yeah. Last night, you went to eight, yeah. Eight, episode eight, Eight. Episode eight.

Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball and achieved one of the most amazing things. Oh, yeah. Really good. Like, when it happened, everyone in my house was just like, whoa! Like, one of those moments of television that's so rare. Yeah. So good. Literally the greatest.

Loving Taskmaster series. Five? Five, yeah. It's so rare. Yeah. It's so good. Literally the greatest. Loving Taskmaster series. Good five. Five? Five, yeah. It's good stuff. And then that went into Taskmaster Australia and then that went into Taskmaster UK. So it was a big Taskmaster night last night. Now, five minutes ago,

Hayley passed me a piece of paper and said, write down your feelings. Now, she might have been just joking around on a whim. No, you know, I've been journaling. How long have you been journaling for? Well, I know why you're upset. I've been journaling for How long have you been journaling for? Well, I know why you're upset. I've been journaling for coming up two weeks. Get this, I asked her, I said, how much are you and I in a journal?

Because, you know, obviously... You're a big part of my life. We're a big part of your life. Nothing. Nothing. Because I have no immensely positive or immensely negative feelings about you. Or you just have medium nothing feelings about us. Just medium. I feel medium. Yeah. Couple of mediocre lads.

Considering the thoughts going into this journal, that's where you guys want to be. Okay. That's always happy to be average. That's not a huge problem to me. Always happy to be average. Okay, so it's... Wait, you're only journaling problems? I know. I think it was supposed to be. It was framed to me as a gratitude journal. You're being negative.

Oh, I'm just venting more. Oh, that's alright though. I think it's okay. But maybe you should put some positive stuff like... My workmates. Yeah, into your journal tonight. Well, today when I do what I'm grateful for, because I do sometimes have a ramble and then I try to say something grateful at the end. Well, let's

see how the show goes. I can't believe you're still going. Hayley's three feelings were tired, silly, and distracted. Yeah. Okay. My three were tired, privileged, and grateful. Oh, wow. And Fletcher's three were hungry for cake, happy, tired.

Yeah. So we're all tired. That's what unites us. Our tiredness. Thursday really feels like Friday. Hungry for cake. What kind of cake? Lamington's.

In my head I was thinking Lamington is a cake. It's a sponge cake. But you would never make a large Yes I would. Lamington. Yes you would.

No because then you don't get enough coverage of the No yeah I would make a large sponge and I haven't. I've made Lamington's.

Is a Lamington a slice or a cake? It's a cake. I'd put it more in the slice department. No, it's not a slice. It doesn't have icing. I'd say it's a treat. It's a cake. You can't define it.

It's outside of... This could be a silly little poll. Is lamington a cake? What's a lamington slice or what? Fundamentally... Or other, and if you say other, you've got to tell us in the comments what it is. Sponge cake is a cake.

It is a cake. You're taking a sponge cake and you're cutting it into tiny slices and then coating that slice and then rolling that in coconut. You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. I could go a lamington now. As long as it's got mock cream in the middle. It's got so much mock cream.

One of those lamingtons that's cut in half. It's the only time I like mock cream. Here you go. A lamington is an Australian cake made from squares of butter cake or sponge cake. So they call it, it's defined as cake. Cake. Yeah. I didn't need a silly little poll or a Google search to tell me that.

I'm smart. He knew. Coming up on the show, the top six New Zealand posters had a whole parcel load of... A truckload of parcels burn. Yeah, like 2,000, they reckon. Yeah. And so if you've kind of been waiting... And these are parcels that were coming from all over the place too.

Yeah, but they were scanned before they got on the truck, so they will know. Yeah. But there probably is a little wiggle room, room for error. I've got the top six parcels of mine that just happened to be on that truck. Oh, no. Oh, no. I think you've got to have the receipt born to prove that.

Oh, we can mock one of those up. I could forge you a few receipts. Guys, I've got some real big Pitbull news next. We're kicking off the show with Pitbull. No, Pitbull the musician. Wow. Mr. Worldwide. It really does feel like we should be going into a Pitbull song.

Maybe you can play a pitbull song in the background when you tell us your pitbull news. You don't want to hear an entire... Yeah, I don't know that we need a full-value, a full-volume thing. Okay, big news, guys. Florida International University has announced that it will rename its football stadium. It's signed a five-year deal.

You know, this happens in New Zealand. We've got Sky Stadium. Sky Stadium. Go media. Vector Arena. No, that's Spark Arena now. Spark Arena. I know.

How long was Vector Arena a thing? Forever, right? Since it opened until Spark took over. Well, Westpac Stadium was Sky Stadium before then. We've only just got used now to calling it Sparks and it'll probably change in like... What's the covered one in Dunedin? Forsyth Bar.

Forsyth Bar. Yeah, well, the Florida International University Stadium has been renamed as... Pitbull Stadium. Pitbull Stadium. Pitbull Stadium. The singer has signed a five-year deal where he will pay $1.2 million US a year over the next five years for naming rights,

according to... That's not even your name. ...documents seen by the Washington Post. Apparently, also in these documents, he will record a brand new song and deliver that for the school to be played at Florida International University events, like football games.

Whatever they have, there'll be a special song for Florida University. What? That will play. How much? Do you think he's bored? Do you know what I mean? He's got so much money he's just bored. Yeah. Maybe.

Does the money go into like supporting the school? Because that's quite a cool thing really. Well yeah I guess like. I mean it's an ego trip with the offshoot of supporting students. Yeah. Is what it is but I think that's right out there with. Do you remember when

Marvel Studio, Marvel's got the rights for the stadium in Melbourne? Yep. And that's Marvel Stadium. It's so weird. Like Marvel Studios. Yeah.

Studios. Yeah. It's bizarre. What does it cost? One point something million. One point two a year. And this is just like when you think about it,

just a university. Like this isn't even a big like national or city arena. But in America, the university stadiums aren't. They have all the football games. Thousands, thousands. They'll have televised events, I'm sure. Well, it's sort of embarrassing because it's not like it is

the Carl Fletcher Stadium. The Haley Sproul. Yeah, Pitbull's your nickname. It's also just a breed of a dog. Yeah. It's a 23,500 capacity stadium. Oh, wow. So it's not mucking around, is it?

No, it's not. Who is he? Do you know what I mean? Who is Armando Christian Perez? Do you need to ask, Haley? I got that boomer. I mean, he's great. Well, if you're in Florida, anytime soon you'll be able to go to Pitbull Stadium.

The number one question on the Google, I just Googled Pitbull Stadium and it told me about the capacity. Yeah. The number one question, can you tailgate on campus? Meaning before the game, can you pull up in your pickup truck, drop the tailgate, have a barbecue, drink some beers, enjoy some festive, which I think might be like a really cool part about American sports. Well, that's what everybody that went to the All Blacks game in San Diego said they loved.

Get a BBQ going. Yeah, get a barbecue going, have a few drinks, tailgate. Yeah. That'd be real fun. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. So many people still overseas. Yeah. Because you'd say June, July is your, like, peak for Kiwis heading over to Urup for a bit of summer funner.

Yep. But I have a friend that just arrived and she's there for a month. Lots of comedians still in Edinburgh and touring around and in London. Yep. God knows how anyone's afforded that. know just on the stories it's just like Europe, Europe I mean I was one of those people just literally a month ago I was too Can I paint a little picture to make New Zealand not seem so bad? Yep

It's definitely getting lighter longer at night Yes Last night I looked out and I was like Oh what are we talking is it 5 o'clock And it was 6 o'clock And there was a little'clock. Nice. And there was a little hint of beautiful sunset last night, a little hint on the horizon.

29th of September is Daylight Savings. So, yeah, we're only a couple of months away. Yeah. Yeah. Seven weeks. Seven weeks. Six or seven weeks. Seven, six, seven weeks this weekend.

We're nearly there. That's nice. Well, if you're still craving to... Head overseas. Head overseas, don't forget your things. Hang on. I've literally just like shut this down. So you're about to say don't forget your things.

Don't forget your things. And you just forgot the study that you're going to reference. It's because I opened up a different window to send Carwin a picture, a link to a necklace I really like. And I wanted her to sort of encourage me to say that I deserve it as a little treat. No, you don't deserve it. As a little treat. A little treaty.

But I've been such a good girl as of late. No. So the average person forgets three essential items at home when they leave for vacation. I'm going to say I don't because I, and I know you did the same when we went away in July or June and at the end of June.

I just leave my suitcase out in the three, in the two to three weeks before I go and I just fill it. And I'll have a list, especially if I'm hiking because there's nothing worse than hiking and forgetting something. You always have to have a list. Things will pop into my head and I'll put it in a little list.

Yep. And then tick it off. And then it's in the suitcase, tick. Yeah. Final pack or tick then. Yeah. And then you don't forget anything. Whereas I feel like Vaughn, you would forget things.

I do. What time are we leaving? Yeah. In 25 minutes. Yeah. All right, I'll start packing. Okay, so for example, if you had a 5pm flight on, say you had a 5pm flight on a Saturday, when would you start packing?

Lunch. After, yeah, after breakfast on Saturday maybe. Oh, I hate it. No. Because then I'm like, what if my favourite things that I, are you not planning cute outfits for different things? Are you sure? Positive.

Aww. Because I'm always like, what if it's dirty? Like things need time to like wash and dry. Aw. Because I'm always like, what if it's dirty? Like things need time to like wash and dry. Or you forget like my essential thing is always a multi-plug. So then you only need one adapter and you just bring a New Zealand multi-plug. I chuck that in my backpack with all my cords. My cords always go in my backpack. But sometimes you forget.

There's so many cords in life. Well, here are the main things that people forget when they go on holiday. I'm way more likely if I packed in advance to forget because I'd take stuff out to use it and then forget to put it back in. True that. Okay, phone charges, toiletries like, I don't know, your toothbrush, your face wash, all that kind of stuff. You can buy those. Can you vaunt in an Amazonian jungle? No, but I would simply ask the lovely Amazonian tribes

person of which I'm staying. For a stick. For a stick? Yeah. Sunscreen is something that people have said that they forget, but I'll often just that I'll buy somewhere else. I mean it's expensive anywhere. Exactly. You just buy it when you're over there. And sometimes it's just easier to buy the sunscreen at the location so it doesn't go

all through your bag. Yeah. That's one you don't want to leak. And the other one is medication. Now I did this because, well, I didn't do it, but when I went to Italy, I had to go and pick up a whole bunch of medication for my mum and dad because they're like, oh my God, we just didn't take enough.

So then I had to go pick it up from a pharmacy. So then you were mulling prescription meds through Qatar, which is naughty. Yeah I did. I also like just didn't ask any questions. Also my mum had wrapped up a whole bunch of stuff like food stuff. I had butter like New Zealand butter

and reduced cream and onion dip and stuff. Had their pills and then I was like is this all good? To be like bringing from New Zealand through Doha into Italy. She was like, yeah, no one looks.

No, they don't. They don't. Surely that feels a bit off. Yeah. And so the average person forgets three big things. Three essential items.

Oh wow, okay. I hate that. And then I hate buying things I don't need in my destination. I'd rather spend that money on cute things. Or apparels. Or this necklace that I deserve. Or app my destination. I'd rather spend that money on cute things.

Or apparels. Like this necklace that I deserve. Or apparels. Yeah. Apparels, the cutest of things. The top six is next. A New Zealand post truck caught fire. It burnt down.

Where did this happen? New Zealand. Don't ask for details now. I'll find them over the course of this next song. And then also tell you the top six packages that I, Vaughan Smith, personally had on that truck that I'm going to need to have replaced. Yeah, you definitely had them on that truck

that you don't know where it was. Exactly. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Well, a truck being driven by New Zealand Post, taking parcels and wharf knot around the country,

caught fire in Tikawiti. Oh. Yeah. It was bound for Auckland, Waikato, Bay of Plenty and Taupo. And over 2,000 parcels, about 2,000 parcels, were destroyed in that truck fire on the 31st of July. How did the truck catch fire or something in the parcels? Oh, that truck fire on the 31st of July. How did the truck catch fire or something in the parcels?

Oh, that's a very good question. Vehicle fires of this nature are very rare in the New Zealand Post Network. Last time something similar occurred was around 15 years ago. Because of the fire, it had yeah, it sounds like the truck had up-to-date certificate of fitnesses, regularly serviced. The roads through there,

the brakes, windy yeah, they're pretty windy. Who knows? I'm not exactly sure. But some 2,000 items of postage were destroyed. Oh, devastating. And of course, I had a lot of postage on that truck. Oh, you did, didn't you?

Because this happened a week ago, but it's only news now, or it happened a while ago? It happened on the 31st of July, so yeah, like a week ago. And some people are like, hey, where's my post? Where's my items? And some of the tracking was a bit weird, eh? People were like, what does this mean? Yeah. Well, it means your trunk caught fire.

Is there a little, is there like an automated thing for that? You know how it's like, at depot, yeah, with driver for delivery. A blaze. Yeah, a blaze. Slowly going out. Melted.

That's how good the tracking is. Every stage of the fire. Yeah. Just smouldering. When it just said smouldering. Yeah. Yeah. Smouldering.

Come back for an update. Yeah. Yeah. So I've got the top six things of mine that were on that truck that I'm going to need some sort of replacement situation for. Okay. Well, do you have any receipts for these purchases or any kind of tracking number?

I'm not really a receipts guy. I never pay for tracking. Okay. I refuse to pay for tracking. There's not an option now where you can't, I don't think, unless it's a letter. Like all of these parcels now have gone up. These things were, especially number six on the list

of the top six parcels that I had on that New Zealand post truck that caught fire. Number six, the winning lotto ticket. Well, there was no winning lotto ticket last night, was there?

I know, it's for Saturday's draw. Oh, is it? Okay. Yeah, I pre-order weeks in advance. What are we at now? $44 million. Yeah.

Is this the second highest it's ever been? Like, second highest equal? Yeah. Does that mean we're giving each other two mil? I think it does. So this is how many people must be spending money on Lotto.

It went from 33 million. Usually it bounces up in multiples of like four or five. Yeah. To 44 million. So it went up 10, 11 million. Oh my God. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

Gosh. All right. The top six things I've got on the New Zealand Post track, The Court Fire, number five, my entire CD collection. Oh, you love your CDs. Whatever will I do? Yeah, you love your CDs. Where will I find all the music I loved?

In one convenient location. iHeartRadio. God, if only there was a... Oh, there... iHeartRadio. If only it was iHeartRadio. Oh. There you go.

Problem solved, Vaughan. Do you still think the insurance company will give me Real Groovy credit? They might do. They might. Don't know what you want to get from Real Groovy. I know when your CD wallet would get stolen in the early 2000s. Oh, yeah. I had such a collection and you'd borrow all your friends' ones.

It was almost the ones you had burned, they were the ones that were the saddest to lose. Yeah. Because you couldn't recreate the playlist. You could replace your bloody other albums. Because the playlist was only ever written on the front of the CD. Yeah. So when the CD was stolen, you couldn't remember the order. You're like, there's something missing. Yeah. I'm missing one of the songs.

Number four on the list of my top six parcels that were on that New Zealand post truck that caught fire. My very limited edition 1958 Series 1 Land Rover. I don't think that's how they get them delivered. Yes, I'll have to fill out some insurance work to get that ultra-rare Land Rover I've always wanted.

Surely that wasn't in the post. It was in the post. I don't know if it was, Vaughn. It would be delivered on the back of a... They were smaller vehicles. It was a different time. Right. Right.

Compact. Well, that's devastating for you. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six parcels of mine that were on that New Zealand post track that caught fire, my Den Heath Desserts Custard Squares. Oh, you do love those,

don't you? How many were in there? I guess I'm going to have to say Den Heath Desserts Custard Squares in the hope that perhaps they could be replaced with more Den Heath Desserts Custard Squares. I don't, again, I don't think you've got a receipt for that purchase form. But sometimes things mean so much to someone that a receipt's not necessary for Den Heath Desserts Custard Squares

to pop them on the courier now to get them on to... Yeah, I know where they sell them. You can go and buy some. Not quite the same as when the people at work message you saying there's a delivery for you, it's in the fridge, and you're like, I'm excited, and it's Den Heath Desserts Custard Squares. Yeah, it's delicious stuff. All the way from Timaru. Sometimes it's treats're like I'm excited and it's Den Heath Desserts Custard Squares. All the way from Timaru. And I'm saying, tomorrow's

Friday. We could all Custard Square it up a little bit if they pop them on the courier now. Now, because otherwise if they leave it for overnight, we might be gone by the time they arrive tomorrow. Right. Real shame. You're using your power and fame. Yeah.

Go and buy your own Den Heaths. I had a real... They do sell them at Costco. Oh, yeah. Get in there. Every time I go to Costco, I get some. Yeah, good. Which is why I'm trying to avoid Costco.

Because I cannot say no to them. A custody square. Number two on the list of the top six parcels I had on that New Zealand post truck that caught fire, my collection of antique stamps. Ultra rare antique stamps. Ironically, they survived the postage when it had to go collection of antique stamps, ultra rare antique stamps. Ironically, they survived the postage when it had to go by sea. Yeah, right.

And, you know, survival of the 18th, 19th, 20th century. But now they were destroyed on a truck where they weren't even being used to pay for the postage. I've just never heard you express any interest around antique stamps. Well, I don't want to talk too much about my stamps because that would encourage people to come and steal the stamps. Yeah. I'd really paint a target on my back. That's why he keeps it on the down low.

Yeah, okay. Wow, I had no idea. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six parcels I had on the New Zealand post truck that caught fire are my great auntie's ashes. Oh, no. Do you reckon we can just sweep up like a whole lot of ashes from the bird truck and just put it back

in the earth? No one will know. No one will know. Just pick out the plastic bits and any metal. We will pick out the plastic though because we go spread our ashes

at the beach and if it's plastic over it I don't want to be responsible for that. Some of these parcels. Plastic. Yeah. Maybe the ashes

of the winning lotto ticket could be in there. Kind of sure. Cruel. Cruel. twist of fate. That is today's top six. I am heading towards being satisfied enough with Olympic content. Like I've really enjoyed it.

But, you know, it's coming to an end soon. Eliza's out of the pole vault. Yeah, we just heard. We've got a cycling team pursuit. Silver overnight? Team pursuit cycling is my favourite track cycling. It's too many people on the track at once. And you know carnage is millimetres away.

They're just going to trip up over each other and ride each other over. Have you ever ridden on a velodrome? No, but it looks really slopey. It's super steep. I don't think the TV does it nearly enough justice on how steep it is. I've marched in the one in Cambridge. You know, in the middle, there's that flat bit.

Yeah. One national, we couldn't find a training ground and it was raining. And so they were like, you can come and march in the velodrome. That's nice of them. It was awful because our music was playing and you just couldn't hear

it. Oh, it was echo. Hard surfaces. So August 11 is the closing ceremony. So probably the 12th for us. I've loved it. I've been more invested in these Olympics than any in the past. I think I peaked

2016 Rio. Rio was good. A lot going on. Why was that? A lot of Brazilians. A lot of sunshine. Yeah, a lot of sunshine. Well, one of my favourite parts of the Olympics has to be Snoop Dogg and his presence.

Him in the stands, his outfits, him and Martha Stewart in the equestrian outfits. Incredible. He's been dressing up. He's been getting swimming lessons from Michael Phelps. He's been doing fencing. He's been like getting amongst it. And I think it was to the point where people were like,

he's really getting amongst it. Like he's really there every day. And he's really like posting a lot about it and getting all these sort of opportunities. Why Snoop D-O-double G? How has he become the face of the Olympics? Turns out he's not just a fan. He's making, if I translate to New Zealand dollars, $833,000.

A day? A day. Whoa, no, what? I thought you meant over the entire course of the entire thing. Half a million a day, US. Oh, shit. That's a payday. We've all been like, oh, my God, he just went to the Olympics.

Like, because you're rich. Yeah. Why not have fun? And he's bored and he's like, I want to have some fun. But it's actually like an amazing NBC. NBC, they do Saturday Night Live, right? And that whole network.

They've nailed the strategy. They got the official broadcast rights for the US too. But they didn't just use like sports reporters and news presenters. They got celebrities to host all these different things and people are loving it. But look at the marketing. Like we're obsessed

and it would bring in a whole different audience into like the Olympics vibe right? Because it's like making it kind of cool and fresh and funny and fun. So apparently there was this person called Henry McNamara who went to a dinner and was sitting next to an NBC executive

and they were like, yeah, this is how much Snoop Dogg's getting paid, half a million dollars a day plus expenses. So your accommodation, your outfits, your food, your gin, your juice. And he's making millions of dollars to be a celebrity at the Olympics and just hang out. How many days has he been there? Since the get-go. Oh, my God.

So 14 days at least because it's two weeks. But he was really there for the little bit beforehand. So that's $7 US dollars so far. Is that right? Yeah. That's insane. I mean, I'm not complaining. I love it.

I'm loving it. I'm loving it. Like his outfits are everything. And he's like giving it everything. Like he's really super funny and cool and into it. I've just loved it. But yeah, good on him for turning that into a bloody money-making venture because

that's an absurd amount of money to hang out with Martha Stewart wearing jogpurs and like just, you know, drinking and having a bloody laugh. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Vaughan, Sirens of the World. What is that?

It's clear. It's clear. She doesn't work here anymore. She's fine because of that. I loved it. So this is Vaughn's stupid Sirens of the World competition that only lasted one. Some say stupid, but it's before seven

and the phone lines lit up. I'll tell you, they're blowing up. And now actually, so up for grabs is a pair of gifted socks from an insurance company that Bourne received this morning. And to ensure the quality, I've actually swapped out my socks for the socks. Wool blend? Lovely. Now, it doesn't say what the blend is.

We don't know what the wool is blended with. But they feel nice. They feel good. It sounds like it could be more synthetic. It's stretchy, so there might be a bit of something in there. There's feel nice. They feel good. It sounds like it could be more synthetic. It's stretchy, so there might be a bit of something in there.

There's some spandex in there. And I guess the kudos of being right, if you can identify this siren of the world. You got the right one up this time, you dickhead.

Did you? And then he said, I missed. I went for a triumphant slam. And I... Dickhead. I skidded on the tray pad and clicked on the actual... Here we go.

You the dickhead. Now, it feels European to me. You know, you watch those police dramas or like a movie and there's a European or a British. Yeah, but it feels like the 60s. Yeah. Well. Okay. You've it feels like the 60s. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Okay.

You've got to identify the siren. Now, you want the emergency service and the country. And the country, yes. Karun, good morning. Good morning. How are you? Really good. Where do you think it's from and what emergency service?

Okay, it's from France and it's a police siren. He's not even guessing. He's telling you. It's from France. French's a police siren. He's not even guessing. He's telling you. It's from France. A French police car, Vaughan. Yeah. Karoon, it is not a French police car. No socks for you, Karoon.

Unfortunately, no. All right, let's go to Shahid. Good morning, Shahid. Morning. I'm a long-time listener, first-time caller. Oh, Shahid. Got to get the bell. The bell.

Welcome. Welcome, caller. Oh, Shahid. Got to get the bell. The bell. Yay. Welcome. Welcome. Thank you. We've been doing, it says here that you're 14 years old. We've been doing the show six years when you were born. Oh, gosh. Don't say that.

We're old. We're old. Don't say that, boy. It's confronting. I know it's very confronting, isn't it? Shahid, okay, what emergency service in what country? I think it's the police from the UK. The police?

That was my guess too. I will tell you, you're wrong on both the country and the emergency service. Oh, bit of a clue there. Bit of a clue, Shahid, thank you. Let's go to Corey. Corey, we need the emergency service in the country. Sounds like a fire truck and I'm thinking France. Corey?

Parisian. Yep. Correct, correct, correct. That is indeed. How did you know that? Oh, look, you know, I know a firetruck when I hear one. You know a firetruck? And I went with French this week because of the Olympics.

Oh, yeah, right. And then that's also their horn. They have it. Yeah, right. This is the French police, by the way. Oh, that's so cute. Remember, Caroon said French police, so we had the right country. But, yeah, a little bit different. Oh, by the way. Oh, that's so cute. Much different. Remember, Caroon said French police, so we had the right country,

but yeah, a little bit different. Well, you nailed it. You want to hear the French ambulance? Not really. Not really. Oh, much difference in the tone. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, interesting. Thanks, Vaughn. Corey, have you got cold tootsies this morning? Cold feet? Always. What size feet are you rocking there, Corey? About 10 and a half, 11. These are going to be perfect.

A pair of socks. We're going to re-gift you some wool blend socks. Some free socks. Corey, you're luckily reneged on the free kiss. Chuck in a hat or a beanie for him or something. You're chucking a beanie. He's a cold boy. We'll put together a little kit for you, Corey.

You wait there. This shit is prizing the world. Because I said I'll take care of this so don't you go anywhere. I'll write your address down on the back of the cardboard

that the socks are attached to and I'll take care of this myself. Does Corey want some scabby oranges from my tree? Because I've got an abundance. Do you want some

scabby oranges, Corey? It might not post well. But it might not post well and you don't want the orange getting squished and going and the juice going in the sock. Especially a wool blend sock. Yeah, wool blend sock.

If it does say machine warm wash and like colours. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Right now though, we would like to know how bad your bad day at work was. Because maybe not as bad as this house mover yesterday who has now blocked a major road in Kaiwaka in Northland after an oversized truck carrying a house, a relocatable, had an error that caused the house to slip off the trailer. I don't know how this doesn't happen more.

Have you ever been stuck? You guys always. Constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because there ever been stuck? You guys always. Constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's two house movers between my place and work. Yeah. And they have to move them overnight. And quite often, Vaughn will be like, I'm late. Or he'll be like, of course you are.

He's like, I'm stuck behind the usual. And you're like, goddammit. We just had two relocatables arrive across the road from us. And it's amazing to watch. You're just like, oh, my god. One of them was split in half. And it's amazing to watch. You're just like, oh, my God. One of them was split in half and one of them was just like a smaller thing. Like sometimes they cut the entire house down the middle and then transport two halves.

It's insane. And so what, this house just slipped off. Slipped. It's like, it feels like a disaster. And I was just trying to look now for an update because this was yesterday morning about nine o'clock in the morning. Okay. Terrible time to be blocking the road. When it slips

off the truck, you're not salvaging that right. You're just getting someone with a digger to come and just get it off the road as quick as possible. No, because you'd have to crane it back onto the truck. Yeah, just pushing it off the side, aren't you? Setting it on fire. But you can't just push a house off a road. You can if you've got a big enough digger.

I mean, it might actually be easier just to make the road go around the house. Yeah. Build a quick little This is where the house lives now. Congratulations on your new property.

Now that's a good joke because everybody knows roads in New Zealand aren't built in any sort of hurry. No. Yeah. Well, I'm not, I was trying to look for an update

because it was yesterday morning. I'm not sure where it is. It was just on the side of the road and they just put a diversion around it to try to deal with it. Yeah. Well, I was trying to look for an update because it was yesterday morning. I'm not sure where it is. It was just on the side of the road and they just put a diversion around it to try to deal with it. Yeah. Because also like picking them up is a disaster and usually you'd pick them up off of piles

so it's a little bit easier to get underneath them. Whereas this has just slipped onto the road. So I have no idea the state of it. But I'm like, the driver's having a bad day. The organiser, the moving house company the driver's having a bad day. The organiser, the moving house company, he's having a bad day. There's lots of pilot vehicles.

You're blaming a lot of men here. All of those pronouns were he. We don't know. Who's not the feminist here? By me saying that maybe a woman could have strapped it down and let it slip. But you're also saying there's no woman on this crew. I don't know.

This has got man written all over it. Anyway, terrible. So I don't know what's happened with the house but when your job is to relocate houses and your day includes a house slipping off the back of a truck and blocking a highway. That's a bad day. That's a bad day at work. We want to know how bad your bad day

at work got. I love those stories where there's a bad day at work. We want to know how bad your bad day at work got. I love those stories where there's a costly mistake. Oh, yeah. I love the stories that involve a forklift. Oh, yes. So someone literally just texted in, I once dropped 200 empty pallets onto my forklift. So there was a stack of pallets.

Maybe they pushed it and the tower fell onto it. Oh, I love seeing those videos. It's better when it's got something stack of pallets. Maybe they pushed it and the tower fell onto it. Oh, I love seeing those videos. It's better when it's got something on the pallets. Have you ever seen that one where the guy with the forklift nudges that big shelf and it's all full of booze and it just goes... And it just floods the warehouse. That's a bad day at work.

Okay. Well, we want to know if you've got a story like this. I'll 800-DARZEN-EMIZONE number. You can text through 9696. How bad? More forklift stories. More forklift stories. More forklift stories. Okay.

How bad was your bad day at work? Somebody said that what this rings of, they've done a bit of house moving, is that when they had it strapped down, they didn't go tong, tong, whack, whack, whack the strap and say, that's not going anywhere. Which we all know you have to do. That's not going anywhere.

Small time. That's not going anywhere. Not going anywhere. They have to do. That's not going anywhere. Small talk. She's not going anywhere. Not going anywhere. They must have missed that out. Onto the road. So maybe you made a mistake at work or someone at work made a costly mistake. How bad was it? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Just how bad did your bad day at work get? House moving company have had a house slip off the back of a truck. It's a bad day at work. Blocking a highway in Northland. And yeah, you'd say it's a bad day. We were just looking for an update. And the last one was about eight hours ago.

I think the roads are clear. Yeah, so they must have got it back up. I wonder what choice words the boss had when he arrived on the scene. Oh, guys, we all make mistakes. No, the company has apologised, being like, this has never happened before. Yeah. You know bosses of these sorts of places,

very tempered people, walk into a situation. Oh, lads, don't be too hard on yourself, guys. Yeah, I want you all to just take the rest of the day. Shit happens. I'm sure it was something like that. Yeah, I'm sure it was. I always remember a friend at like a freighting company

telling me about someone that put a forklift through a bladder of wine. Wine bladders. And like they have them inside the containers, like shipping containers. And it just went everywhere. It was gone. You'd slurp, eh? You'd slurp. You'd get on your hands.

While it was gushing out. You'd get it. You'd be right by the gush and be like. Because you're going to be like holding your hands. Yeah. Catching it all in your shirt. Hayley's got her deadly ponies handbag, tips everything out, fills it up. I can't let this Chardonnay go to waste.

Give me a cup. I literally drove the work ute into a forklift last night after having an atrociously bad week of mistakes at work. Where I hit the ute is apparently going to cost $30,000 to repair. That's what insurance is for. That's insurance. That's insurance. Yeah. That's a whole new ute, isn't it?

Did the spikes go right through the radiator? I'd love to see something like that. Can you send us a photo? They were backing into it, and they just backed the forks right through the tray. I don't know what the story's going to be. Anonymous joins us. Anonymous, what was your bad day at work?

I spent $164,000 that couldn't be recovered. Oh my god, that makes me want to How did you do that? So I worked for an action-wide company and we left one of our sites and

I didn't delete the rent payment and because we were in disputes on other transactions they took that money against that. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! So they're like, you owe us money, you're like, no we don't,

we'll take this to a disputes thing and then they get $164,000 deposited into their account. Yep. Wow, did you get like employee of the month at the staff meeting? No, but luckily I went on maternity leave about six weeks later and I never went back. Bye. I'll have a baby.

Oh, my God. Anonymous. Thank you, Chris. What was your bad day at work? The back wall and the shades at work. Oh, okay. When you say back wall the back wall of the shed at work. Oh, okay. When you say back wall, back wall of what?

It was an interior wall between an engineering bay and the grooming bay. And I was backing a 20-tonne digger into the grooming bay and I was too busy watching the boom and I backed into the back wall. Yeah, my dude. You dumbass. There's a lot of, when you're on heavy machinery, a lot of things to keep a tally of. Now, my dude. You dumb dumb. There's a lot of, when you're on heavy machinery, a lot of things to keep tally of. Now, is this an insurance coverage or are you to blame?

You know, you're going to have to pay for it. I was to blame, but they got insurance. It took two days to fix it. Two days? Good job. Did you get a hard time, Chris, from your co-workers?

No, I didn't actually. They were very good about it. Well, yeah, that's because you're in control of a 20-tonne digger. You can just dig their face. We just shifted into the shed that first week. This was only on a Thursday, and we shifted into a brand-new shed on Monday. Oh!

So not only did you do this, you ruined the new premises. Oh, Chris, thanks for your call. Catherine, what was your bad day at work? I was working in comms and social media for a very well-known charity in New Zealand. Yeah. And I tweeted, if Phil Goff, when he was mayor of Auckland,

is keeping you first, from the media account instead of my own one. Wait, so you thought you were doing it from your personal Twitter account, but on behalf of a very well-known charity. Catherine, so many people that are in charge of social media accounts do this. It's hilarious. Oh my God, it's so funny. When you see like a big company, there will literally be surely a BuzzFeed

or some kind of list that's compiled of this happening. Oh yeah. Yes, Phil Goff, that's so funny. How long was it up for? Oh,

like, less than five minutes, but the problem with Twitter is it stays in the feed. Yeah. Yeah. Can we just, can we take this off here for a moment?

Crank the background music. I must know what channel. Okay, stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by.

Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by.

Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by.

Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by.

Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by. Stand by.

Stand by. Seriously. That's funny though. It's kind of funny. It kind of adds a bit of spice. Wow. Okay, Catherine. Oh, Catherine. Do you know what? I think caller of the week. Yes.

Caller of the week because this is a bad day at work. We've got for you, thanks to McCafe, a $50 McCafe voucher, Catherine. Awesome. Thank you so much. That's a bad day at work. Take the sting out of it at least. Oh, my God. Wait there, Catherine. Awesome. That's a bad day at work. Take the sting out of it at least. Oh my God. Wait there, Catherine. Ask some messages in.

How bad was your bad day at work? My mate. Oh my God. This one. I can imagine it. This is one of those ones that you'd watch happen in slow-mo. Mate of mine was up a mast on a 98% 98% completed super yacht. Oh, yeah?

Oh, shut up. It was up the mast. Painting. Oh, no, no, no. Bucket. When he dropped the bucket of paint. Oh, no. It hit the deck and just exploded white paint. A wooden deck?

Oh, my God. You would imagine a super yacht has got a beautiful, you know. Nice finishing. It's the sea. Do you just quickly get the hose out and... I don't know what to do. You better hope it's water-based. Oh, my God.

Tell me what they did after that. Oh, my God. Oh, that's horrible. I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what you're going to do. Former manager emailed what she thought was a savage message to her individual union rep, criticising her manager,

but instead sent it to the entire university staff list. Oh, dear. I love when someone emails the wrong thing, or a whole document of something. rep criticising her manager but instead send it to the entire university staff list. Oh dear. I love when someone emails the wrong thing or a whole document of something. My favourite. Juicy stuff. I was filling in doing the post run at work

in a truck. Doing the post run? You take the post to the depot or the office. I was thinking of wooden posts. Oh, okay. What are you running the posts for? What's the mail, Vaughn? Hit a dog halfway into the run.

And then when I finished, I parked up and walked over to my ute and someone had stolen the wheels off my ute. 3 a.m. in the morning, after taking a dog to a vet, I had no wheels and I live an hour from my work. That's a bad day. That's a bad day. That's a bad day. My worst day at work, I'm a firefighter

and I set fire to the fire station kitchen while making a fire safety training video. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. Well, now I guess you've got to put it out and you're filming it, so it must have been a success. I was loading a truck with rocks with a loader.

Truck drove forward as I was tipping it into his tray. The truck went up on two wheels and then flipped over because of the weight distribution of the rocks. The truck was destroyed and absolute insurance write-off. Oh no. These stories are great. It's a bad day at work. I was at Lion Breweries and I saw a forklift

drop a big pallet of beer and it brought the entire place to a standstill. Oh my God, I bet. They would have had like a vigil. Yeah. Everybody grab a candle and a tissue. Hayley's there sucking out

the remainder of the can. Guys, help me! I worked for a house mover in the 1980s. Oh yeah. Half of the house fell off the truck onto the road.

We just cut it up and burnt it on the side of the road. The 80s was a different time. The 80s was a different time. The 80s was a different time. And this house probably had a space, wasn't it? Yeah, probably. It was the 80s. But then what did they say to the people whose house was only half

delivered? I guess they said at least they didn't have to pay for the shift. What do you mean? No, it's two bedrooms, not four. Yeah. They're like, I'm pretty sure it had a lounge. I'm sure there was a bathroom nah bro and the roof pitched up and then just went

straight down onto a wall yeah that's how houses work I thought my workmate dropped a whole palette of paint all through the

paint showroom paint man yeah cool to see though cool to see for security footage someone in HR had a bad day

as they accidentally sent me interview questions for the internal job promotion I was getting interviewed for so I could study up on the questions. Yes. That's good for you, bad for them. Yeah. Yeah.

Somebody said you should just ask truck drivers for their worst day stories. I bet they could fill this entire thing all by themselves. Oh, my God. I'm a primary teacher. We had our pen pals from a retirement village, love that, come to watch our six-year-olds dance, and our very old lift stopped working while one of our six-year-olds dance and our very old lift stopped working while one of the

80-year-old ladies was in it. She was trapped in a one-by-one square metre elevator for an hour. Oh, that's horrible. There was a tiny little window that we could see her out of and she was freaking out. I wonder if you could have thumbed her a couple of Werther's originals. Yeah, it would have kept her energy

up. It's a tough day. Somebody said, I had a bad day at work. I caught two people I work with having a romantic liaison in a room. It wasn't so much the fact that someone at work was having it, but I caught the full view of everything, and it was just junk. Oh, yeah. You're not prepared to see junk at work.

You're not prepared to see junk at work. You're not. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Do you follow your boss on social media? Is today Silly Little Paul? Because there was an article on the etiquette of following the boss on social media. We've been, like, friends with our boss forever. Yeah. Ross Boss, like, not really, like, following a boss, is it?

Yeah. Not a real boss. Nah. He probably actually considers a real boss. Nah. He probably actually considers us the boss. Yeah. I don't know. He looks to serve us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a subservient. He's a subservient baiter. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. And he's quite quiet on social media. I'd say he's posted, you know, a couple of things in the last. But I mean, if you.

He shares a minion meme every now and then. Or like, oh, I really want to win this Range Rover with a bow on it. Yeah. Tag your friends. Yeah. Bit of a boomer on social media. A little bit. If you don't want to be following your boss or have your boss follow you,

if you're one of these people that extends a long weekend with a couple of sick days. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I've been to the Martin Brewer Wine Festival. You're like, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Even following people at work that you're not really close with. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Because you can't go away on a sneaky long weekend.

Oh, God, no. They'll narc on you to get ahead of you on the corporate ladder. I know. It's called a ladder for a reason. Yeah. That's right. Do you follow your boss on social media? 26% of people said yes.

74% of people said no. The majority a reason. Yeah. That's right. Do you follow your boss on social media? 26% of people said yes. 74% of people said no. The majority. No. No. Kirstie says, I only follow mine because I started following him when he was a colleague. Now he's my boss. I wouldn't if he was my boss to begin with. Yeah, right.

I wouldn't have. Preeti says, ooh, no. That would mean they would follow me and that's never a good thing we love an ooh no you don't want them seeing you you know sloshed at a BYO I know

that's your time you're allowed to be sloshed at a BYO oh yeah absolutely 100% what's a BYO for I mean you could use close

we do need to do a good BYO soon yeah we just did a BY.Y.O. For your birthday. Yeah, another one. Oh, okay. With delicious succulent Chinese meals.

Oh, my God. Duck, duck, duck. Which one comes first, though? Wait, was that a Freudian slip? It was. Wow. Someone wants duck and duck. What are you doing this weekend? Bit of duck, bit of duck. Sounds like a perfect weekend. Megan said, I do follow my boss because my boss is a legend. The best nurse manager out there. Someone's breezing up for a promotion. Christine says, no way.

She's awesome. But work life and private life must be kept separate. Yeah, good call. Emma, pretty sure he's not even on socials, but if he was, ew, no. Anna Louise, I've been burnt before with posting on social and now drinking with work friends, so now no work friends on social.

Yeah, good. Nikki says, first thing I do when I start a new job is find them and block them. So they can't even find her. Oh, that's good. That's really good. That's forward thinking. Polly says, my boss is an anti-vax flat earther. Oh, okay, yeah.

She doesn't say whether or not she follows him. Almost would be fun for the entertainment. Although we've had enough of that over the last few years. Yeah, but exhausted by that. Started out funny, but now it's just tiring. A mate of mine's always trying to convince one of us to become an anti-vax sovereign citizen. Because he just thinks it would be fun to watch.

But they don't pay for parking fines and stuff. Sovereign citizens? Yeah, they don't have to. They don't pay their rates? Yeah. I don't really understand how it works. I might be a sovereign citizen until they leave me alone with the rates. Yeah, I think so.

Until they sell your house from under you. Leave me alone. I don't want to pay rates. Don't read my name, lol. My boss is the prime minister, so no. I've got to say, I find all political social media posting when they try to do it, regardless of where on the political spectrum it sits is so cringy. Yeah, it's pretty bad.

When they try to do like When they try to relate to trends TikTok trends Just don't. Yeah. And as you say all politicians

other than Chloe Swarbrick she can do no wrong. But I've never seen her do like a stupid dance. She's a beautiful pure soul. She's just out there picking up rubbish. Serving the planet.

That's good stuff. Only you would find that horny. No. I've got two photos of her right in front of me now. Good morning, Chloe. Picking up rubbish is horny stuff. That's looking after the environment.

Yeah. Nothing makes me hornier. Than people picking up rubbish. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay. That silly little pole. We're joined in studio by one of my dearest friends,

a friend that I really respect and love working with. And that's really refreshing. An immortal enemy now. He is a mortal enemy, actually. Tom Sainsbury, good morning. Hi. It also blends into, like, goes from friendship into some kind of flirtation as well.

Yeah, there is attention. There's attention. And it actually always has been, Tom, between you friendship into some kind of flirtation as well. Yeah, there is attention. There's attention. And it actually always has been, Tom, between you and I. I know, from day one. I remember. I remember meeting you. Yeah, and being like, what is this feeling? I know.

Oh, my gosh. When did you guys meet? We met doing a show, Christmas show, many moons ago. I'd known Hayley because I know all of her friends beforehand. And she had this great gag of pulling poses for selfies. Like she would just be doing it for me just constantly. A hundred micro poses. Yeah, a hundred micro, yeah. And the tension grew.

Now the tension continues because this week, obviously Taskmaster came out, the first episode. Yeah. How did you feel watching it back? I actually love the show, but I love everyone else, but it's such a struggle to watch myself. I'm like, I'm so vanilla.

That's my problem, is I'm so vanilla, because everyone else swung big. And the sad thing is, as we've kind of talked about, when you're alone doing your tasks, I was like, I would leave, like half the days I'd leave going, chuff guy, I nailed that.

And then you watch your back going, I'm the most vanilla pouring person. Why didn't I think of it like that? But it's great. It was, yeah, I love the show. Yeah. Also, I feel like you're not vanilla at all in it. You're so far from vanilla.

But we all had like a little breakdown after the first episode. And yours was like, I'm not saying at all in it. You're so far from vanilla. But we all had like a little breakdown after the first episode. And yours was like, I'm not saying or doing anything remotely interesting. Yeah. And now, so, I mean, Taskmaster continues. And obviously we know what happens. But I did enjoy competing against you. I really enjoyed it as well.

And I loved the kind of camaraderie. I think the group of us just, it was something special. It was special. Yeah. Like I really love the others. And now, we peel you off the TV screen and put you live on stage.

Yes. Where you most feel at home? I probably most feel at home, left alone at home. On Snapchat. On Snapchat. Yeah. No one interacting with you,

just losing your mind on Snapchat. Yes. But you're doing, you're doing the Comedy Fest Winter Special. That's right. Bringing your show. No, I'm just hosting. That's right. They're having a whole lot of comedians come on.

And I've got the list here because there's a few of them. It's the best comedy show on earth. I hosted the one in the actual Comedy Festival. You did. So you're sort of the follow-up. I'm the Hayley Sproul of the Winter. The Winter Sproul. The Winter Sproul of the winter. The winter Sproul. The winter Sproul.

The winter Sproul. Winter host. Wow. Because, you know, the Winter Olympics aren't as exciting or as good as the Summer Olympics. Excuse me, I'm skating. I'd say more exciting to watch. Yeah, actually.

What about that toboggan thing? Less bulge. You know what? Less bulge. Less bulge. Less bulge. But you're probably right. It's slightly more camp, isn't it?

Like there's a whole, Wonderland is camp. Yes. They've all got their like fluffy, big puffy snow suits on or their little leotard tutus. So it's best comedy show on earth. Who's in it?

Who's in the lineup? We've got David Koryos, Courtney Dawson, Wilson Dixon. Great. All the way from America. Angela Dravid and more. Jack Hanson's great.

Bailey Polking is great. I love him. I love that. I was like, are you going to give a review of every... Yeah, I know. I'm like, no, no, Tom, this isn't the time. She's not. She's not.

It's really fun because having hosted the summer version of the show, you get to see like a little snippet of like some of the best comedians ever. Yeah, I think it's great. Like it's such an easy, enjoyable watch, isn't it? Because it's just the comedians just doing their top five, six minutes worth. It's great. Are you doing your own material

or are you doing what I did when I hosted it, which is fluff? I did fluff. So you do a bit of like, hey, how are we feeling tonight? Hey, excuse me, sir. You look like you're having a good time. You're wearing a hat.

Yeah, I am. Yep. Man, how did we miss the summer one? You work with what they give you. You're like, hat, hat. What's with hats? Off he goes. And off you go.

You just kind of fluff it. But then you're pre, you're going, I need to find someone in the audience with a hat. Yeah. And then I'm going to ask the hat. Yeah, yeah. That's my trick. Yeah, same.

I'm like, what do I have gear around? Be like, you guys look like you're on a first date. Yeah. Off I go on the first date stuff. Yeah, but you're performing to the Schwarzkopf get-together. And, of course, none of them are wearing hats because they're all there to show their wonderful hair. Yes.

Do you have any Schwarzkopf gear? Oh, gosh, no, I don't. I'm going to have to... Are you talking about a perm or something? Yeah, maybe, yeah. Yeah. Tom, you're going to have to get prepared. I know.

When is this? The 22nd of August. I know. You don't have long. I've got... We need Schwarzkopf gear. You need to work on your hat gear for Fletch. I know. When is this? The 22nd of August. You don't have long. I've got... We need Schwarzkopf gear. You need to work on your hat gear for Fletch. That was shy.

I'll say it. As the summer highs, that was crap. What about if I come in going, you're a person, and then just have a gag about being a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know who else is a person? Adolf Hitler. Yeah. Oh, see, this is why you don't do stand-up. My crowd work always goes back to Hitler for some reason. It always returns. And then I'll start a good chat about World War II,

my favourite battles. Yeah. Okay, I can see why this isn't going to work. Now, arguably, as part of the Comedy Fest Winter Special, I'd say, aside from me and our deep sexual connection, two of your closest friends are also performing, Chris Parker and Kuda Forrester. I know.

They're doing their full shows, right? That's right. And then you're hosting the best comedy show on earth. It's going to be absolutely amazing. It's going to be great. Tickets and all the information is at comedyfestival.co.nz Tom Sainsbury, thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks for having me. And should we have a cuddle?

Yes. Okay. Do you guys want to watch? Not really. Play ZM's Fletchford and Haley. At my gym, if you swipe in the most over the course of the month, you get your name on the blackboard of the top five most active users. What are you, like, five-year-old kids? I don't know. It doesn't encourage.

It's not like I always forget to swipe in. I just go in the same time as somebody else. I'm more used to the, like, hey, we miss you emails. Oh, oh, tell them your news. Tell them your news, Fletch. No. Do you know what? Tell them your news.

No, this sucks because I was like, God, they like bulk send out those emails. And then I went to my inbox and was like, oh, I didn't get one. You didn't get one. You guys go to the same gym. That's because that was going to be the joke as I sent it in our group chat that the gym was like, hey, we're going to film some classes. If you want to come along and be a part of them. I was like, oh, my God, Hayley, I've been asked because I'm a model. And then expecting Hayley to be like, oh, I got one too.

And you didn't. I straight up did not get one. Fletch got asked to be a model in an exercise video. I know. I know. And I checked. They only sent it to me. I have been asked for years ago.

Yeah, great for the LinkedIn. And other online profiles. Fitness model. Fitness model. Dating apps. Fitness model. Yeah, fitness model. You may recognise me from.

Bulk emailed fitness model. What class did they want you to do? It was like a number of them, eh? No, it's a bulk email. Multiple. Multiple class fitness model. Multiple models. Single invite.

Have you checked the spam? Check your spam folder. You tell your story and I'll check spam, but which just makes it sadder that I'm now checking spam to see if Les Mills asked me to be a model, knowing that they haven't, knowing that those emails never go to spam, but I'll check.

Let's wait. I will wait. I will put a hard pause on my story until we find out. Well, let's just say I'm already in my spam folder on July 25th and I haven't told her. We're already late. Okay, we're late. Yeah, but she's not.

Did you hear that? It's not even in the spam. No, it's just Syrian princes. So the top users for this month, for last month that made the board. This is at your gym. There's five on the board, right? Number one, Chris.

No big deal. Number two, Meg Ryan. Oh, my God. What's she doing in New Zealand? Number three, Ryan. Number four, Balthazar, which I'm just like, this is amazing. That's a name.

I was rocking around with that name. Number five, Michelle Pfeiffer. So number two is Meg Ryan. Number five is Michelle Pfeiffer. So I saw it and I thought about it. Is there a boomer working at reception that's trying to be funny? Yeah.

With no boomers. With celebs from the 80s and 90s? So yesterday, just as I was leaving, I got too much. And I said to the girl at the front desk, I was like, are the names on the board this month real? And she's like, yeah. I was like, do you know who Meg Ryan is? And she's like, yeah, she's this lady that comes on.

Is she Gen Z? Yeah. Dummies. And this is what I'm realising. We're like an icon. I would know, she might have been born in the 90s. When I was born in the 80s, I was aware of

big actors from the 70s. 100%. In my 20s. I was sort of aware of them. Meg Ryan kind of disappeared from Hollywood from the end of the 90s. Yeah, but Michelle Pfeiffer is such a unique name. The most beautiful woman in the world. I was like, Meg Ryan, she's like, yeah, she comes here quite a bit,

that's why she's on the leaderboard. I'm like, no, you know who Meg Ryan is? And she's like, yeah.

Shannon's got no idea who you're talking about. You know, the faking the orgasm in the cafe. When Harry met Sally, I'll have what she's having. Oh,

oh, oh. No idea. Every Tom Hanks movie. We made that noise and the fact you have no idea just makes it seem like we're weird, but it's a very famous scene. There's a song that mentions someone called Michelle Pfeiffer, but I don't know.

Yeah, you're thinking of that. MKTO song. MKTO song. Which was weird that they mentioned Michelle Pfeiffer. Catwoman. So Michelle Pfeiffer. So then she's like, yeah, and I was like, Google Meg Ryan. And she's like, oh, she looks familiar.

And then I said, Michelle Pfeiffer, do you know who she is? And she said, yeah, she's from Germany. She's here for a year. And I was like, no, again. Michelle Pfeiffer. I'm giving you famous people's names. And she's like, no. And I was like, type it into Google.

It's not going to be the German exchange student. And she's like, I don't recognize her. I was like, she was Catwoman And Tim Burton's sequel To Batman 1991 Oh my god And she was like No idea Did you leave And they were like

Oh my god Did you hear that Boomer Oh my god Am I a Boomer No you're not a Boomer darling You're not a Boomer They're out of touch Because that's what I was like

Maybe it's me Maybe I'm the problem But they weren't joking These people are real They're real people I just happened to go to the gym With Meg Ryan and Michelle Pfeiffer Celebrity

I mean Meg Ryan You can kind of be like, the first name Meg and the last name Ryan. Well, her son's the lead in the boys' TV show. Jack Quaid. Yeah, Jack Quaid. Oh, from Dennis Quaid's son. Dennis Quaid.

Because they were married in the peak of Hollywood. She doesn't know who Dennis Quaid is? Of course she doesn't. Do you know who Randy Quaid is? No. The crazy Quaid? Oh. It would have been good if you had been going to the gym more often.

Not for any other reason other than to have your name on that board. Vaughan Smith, Meg Ryan, Michelle Pfeiffer. And Balthazar. And Balthazar, Celebrity Gym. Arisa True, she is a 14-year-old teenager from Australia, has officially become Australia's youngest Olympic gold medalist she's a skateboarder

we've done some research, not the youngest ever to win a medal the youngest ever Olympic gold medalist was a 13 year old from Korea who won a gold medal for her part in a ice skating relay, 3,000-meter relay.

So this would be youngest Summer Olympics? It would be them. Oh, you son of a bitch. I thought I'd done sufficient research. Well, more Olympic facts of the day coming up soon. The youngest Olympian competing at this year's Olympics is an 11-year-old from China. Oh, my God.

Who's also a skateboarder. Get on this way. So on the podium for the skateboarding was a researcher who won gold. She's 14 years old. Silver was Japan's Kokona Hiraki, 15 years old. And Britain's Sky Brown, who's 16. So you've got a 14-year-old, 15-year-old, 16-year-old taking gold, silver, bronze.

I mean, amazing. So Arisa, she won gold, and obviously you want to win a gold medal, but she had a little bit of extra motivation, a bribe from her parents. The gift I asked for my parents if I won was if I could get a pet duck because ducks are really cute and I really

wanted a pet duck. She's 14. I was like, what is this kid doing? Because ducks are cute and I really wanted a pet duck. So her parents said if you win gold, you're like, that is a child. That's what a child's voice sounds like. I'm 14 years old. Yeah, you see the videos of her skateboarding and you're like, well that's just

a small adult with decades of experience. Apparently we're learning Shannon had a pet duck. Of course she did. Oh, my God. Of course she did. On the eighth hole of the golf course, didn't she? Yeah, you lived on a golf course, didn't you? Yeah, the ducklings would fall in the golf hole and my dad would save them

and then we would get to raise them. It was real cute. Your dad would take the duckling away from the mother? Well, no, the mums would walk over the hole. They just keep walking. And then their babies fall in. They don't care, man. That's why they have like 12.

They don't care and they just keep walking. The mums would literally walk over it. And then they would just fall in. And there was Canadian gooselings, so they were yellow. It was great. Cute. Very cute. Really cute.

I get it, man. And it's a good bribe, right? Canadian geese are a pest and should be shot. So she's like, mom, dad, I want a duck. And they're like, well, you win a gold medal, sweetie, and we'll get you a duck. And the Olympics, sweetie. This is what we want to know. What did your parents bribe you with?

What about when your parents said at a high bar, they never thought she was going to win a gold medal. They thought they were going to be duckers. You know when your parents are like, yeah, okay, Hayley, you come first at the piano recital, we'll get you a tiger. We'll get you You come first At the piano recital We'll get you a Yeah we'll A tiger

We'll get you a stony way Yeah yeah We'll get you a grandmaster Never had it Yeah But a lot of parents Do this with exams Or like

Finish Or like achieving You get excellence in this You finish uni We'll pay for it all Yeah Oh my god I know My mum bribed me once

Slightly different Maybe she took me out For a beautiful day and we had lunch together and I saw a dress I liked and she bought it for me. And then at the end she revealed her true colours and she bribed me. What was the bribe? If I buy you this dress, will you take a pregnancy test? Hayley.

This is how my mother learnt that I was sexually active when I was in my late teens. Hayley. Because I didn't know that I'd been diagnosed when I was in my late teens. Hayley. Because I didn't know that I'd been diagnosed with PCOS and so I had an irregular cycle. And so when she knew that I had a boyfriend and that, she had clocked on to the fact that we were fooling around. Her thought, the mother's brain, she must be pregnant.

She must be pregnant. Oh, but it was your PCOS. It was my PCOS having the irregular cycle. But she just, you know, wanted to make sure. So instead of just making me do it she was like well i'll buy you this but you have to do something for me and i did and that's how i gently soft launched my sexual career anyway oh boy oh boy there's no other word for it jasmine wow anyway that's what we want to know is how did your parents bribe you to do something? Maybe it was achieve something, do well at something or do something for them.

0800 dial ZM is the number. Give us a call. You can text her as well. 9696. How did your parents bribe you? Currently asking you how your parents bribed you to do well or do something for you, achieve, because the gold medalist, Australian gold medalist for skateboarding,

wanted a pet duck. The gift I asked for my parents if I won was if I could get a pet duck because ducks are really cute and I really wanted a pet duck. That's the only reason she won gold. That clip's going to come back to Horner in adult years. The motivation of the duck.

I know it well. Oh, yeah. Oh, let's all tease the girl who won a gold medal at 14. She wanted a duck. All because she was like, got to get that duck. I don't think she's ever going to get teased. She's my father's coolest 14-year-old I've ever seen. I know, and we're winning gold for, like, skateboarding.

Yeah. So cool. So we want to know what your parents did to bribe you, whether it was for exams, to do well at school, or just to achieve something. To do something for them, yep. Oh God, there's so many. Is this healthy, or is this

a therapy of sorts? Mental manipulation. A hundred percent. Grace, what did your parents bribe you with? Hi, so my parents, when I was 16, they really hated my boyfriend. And he was a couple years older than me. And so they said if I broke up with him, they would take me on holiday. But I told them I broke up with him.

And then I was sneaking around. And they found out. And they said, well, now we're not going on holiday anymore. Yeah, but had they booked the tickets and accommodation already? No, but they kind of like dangled it in front of me and they were like, oh, we could go to Gold Coast or we could go to Fiji or wherever you want to go. Just dump her. Where's the boyfriend now? Oh, probably not doing very well

anymore. Yeah, so you could have gone to the Goldie. You could have been, you could have gone to the Goldie. You could have been. You could have gone to the Goldie. You could have got a picture with Tweety Bird at Movie World. No, remember I got the picture with SpongeBob. We got a picture with SpongeBob. You got a picture with SpongeBob at Dream World. Yes, SpongeBob.

We did. Grace, thank you. Gemma, what did your parents bribe you with? Oh, my story's actually very similar to Grace's. My mum bribed me to break up with my boyfriend with flights to see my best friend in Auckland. Oh my god. Oh my god, this sounds like a brilliant move from parents. Really good, get rid of the

dirt bags. Yeah. Did you do it? I did, but I'm still waiting for the flights and that was about over 15 years ago. Oh my god, they didn't follow through. I don't think there's a statute of limitations here. I'd take them to small claims. Yeah.

Totally agree. Yeah, Gemma versus parents. Proof of the breakup. Yeah. I did it. Here was the contract. Exactly. Well, she lives overseas now,

so I think that must be added interest. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, a prude interest. A prude interest. That's right. She left the country. Gemma, thank you. Some messages in. My parents bribed me a dollar a day to walk to school and back.

They could have given that to a kid. You know those ads? For a dollar a day. Then they would have had to drop their bloody own kid off at school and it probably would have cost them more than that in petrol. But what about the child? Walk a dollar a day. My parents paid for uni and if I failed, I had to pay them back.

I did not fail. That's brilliant. Yeah. Like if your parents had the money and if I failed, I had to pay them back. I did not fail. That's brilliant. Yeah. Like if your parents had the money to pay for it, man, I don't resent anyone who utilised that thing. But saying that you've got to pay it back if you fail, you would never fail. Yeah, it's good motivation.

Yeah. I bribed my now 26-year-old son to play his final year of junior club rugby when he was 12 because he wanted to quit. And I was sad. I said to him, if you play this year, I'll buy when he was 12 because he wanted to quit. And I was sad. I said to him, if you play this year, I'll buy you a skateboard. So he said, okay. Two games in and he broke his thumb in two places.

Yeah. And he's gone on to have a pretty decent rugby career. Oh, that's good. Stuck through, pushed him in after the break. Maybe that's Mrs. Barrett. It might be one of Mrs. Barrett. It could be. It could be Mrs. Barrett.

My nana really wanted me to get a perm when I was eight years old. Well, that is in at the moment. For a backhand, but for the boys. And bribed me, she said she'd buy me a cup with my name on it. So easy to please kids in the 80s. But do you know what, though? If you were a kid and your name,

and you know this, and you can relate to this, if you were a kid and your name was never on things, you would have loved that. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah. I mean,

in a cruel twist of irony, the only thing I ever had with my name on it that was spelled right was a hairbrush. Oh. It's hard growing up as a vag hand. Yeah.

No, it was just never there. I got, my sister got Michelle, my brother got Phillip, and I'd just get a blank thing. You know when there's always the blank ones? Yeah. Someone said $1,000 if I didn't smoke.

Oh, wow. Until I was 21, and then I was free to make my own choices. Maybe that's what the government should do. Because, you know, how much does it cost to treat someone with, like, throat cancer down the line? Just a bribe. Yeah. My dad bribed me saying,

if you get an academic award, I'll buy you a 24 pack of donuts. I want an academic achievement and he said that's only six donuts. Because it's an achievement and not an award. It's a downside. Yeah, a downside. My parents promised me a dog

if I was still at home when I was 21. Don't you promise... Isn't the bribe to leave home? Yeah, you've got to leave home. They don't want you around? I left home at 17 but came back just before

my 21st birthday and secured the goods. Oh. Oh. So they to leave home. They don't want you around? I left home at 17 but came back just before my 21st birthday and secured the goods. Oh. So they wanted him home? Yeah. My dad told me when I was seven if I had a tomato sandwich, which I hated at the time, he'd buy me a toy train. I ate that sandwich.

I got that train. Yes. I love this. My 14-year-old son wanted new rugby boots, which were $300. So we bribed him. Every try he got was $10 and every tackle was five. That's a great way to earn your boots. Oh, yeah.

Somebody said, wait a minute, we were being bribed? When I was growing up, I was just constantly threatened. Mine was always a bit more of the stick and a little less of the carrot as well. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that an engraver was almost primarily responsible for the reboot of the modern Olympics. What? An engraver.

Because they took a break, eh, from Olympia. Well, they finished in like ancient Greece, full stop, revitalised in 1896. The first modern Olympics, as it is called the modern Olympics Did he just need some business? Gotta get some trophies on the go This guy, Joseph Strutt's his name At an early age Quite a strong name

Unless he's a dawdler Oh my god, if he's not a strutter If he's a wanderer One of the people you have to move around I'd never call you Vaughn Strut. No, I'd call you Vaughn Meander. Yeah. Like people that drive Suzuki Swifts, but he's so slow.

Like, come on. He's actually quite swift. Yeah. It's the Jimny that's the slow poke of the Suzuki workhorse. Yeah, that's why you're in the slow lane. Yeah. Well, Strut was born to his parents. Elizabeth was his mother. Funnily enough, he was born to his parents. Elizabeth was his mother.

Funnily enough, he was born to his parents. That's wild. And his father, Thomas. Think of fact of the day, because that's crap. No, no, no. This is just warming up. We're just warming up here. He was educated at the King Edward VI Grammar School,

and that is where he kind of developed a little bit of a taste for engraving. Which at the time, engraving wasn't just like on pieces of metal or signs. It was also how they printed a lot of books. So they'd engrave them in mirror and then use a printing press to press them. There were the ones where you could set them out, but of course when it came to illustrations, you couldn't use pre-cut letters, and so he became a little bit of an illustrator

with the tool of engraving. Right. Which when you think about it, you want the black lines to stick out. You've got to engrave everything around it. You've almost got to carve it. Yes. God, no thanks.

Negative space. So he wanted to write himself a book. So he undertook a massive task of the book called The Sports and Pastimes of the People of England, Rural and Domestic Recreations May Games, Mummeries, Shows, Processions, Pageants and Pompous Spectacles from the earliest period to the present time. Illustrated

with 140 engravings. And they were his engravings which I have here on my screen of all the various recreational tasks there's hunting, here's a man hunting a piggy. Oh, yeah, cool old school illustrations.

They're digging a fox out of a fox hole. You probably wouldn't do that nowadays. It's a bit rough. There they are hunting a deer. A bit rough. And this is when it's done. What, she's showing him her foo-foo? No, she's showing him her hunting.

It's not an Olympic sport, is it? She's holding, flashing your vag. Your vag. It's not. It's not my sport. They're out hunting and it's muddy ground and she's holding her dress up so is it? Flashing your vag. Your vag. It's not. It's not my sport. They're out hunting and it's muddy ground and she's holding her dress up so it doesn't get mud on it. Oh, I thought she was flashing her. I was going to say, Los Angeles 2020.

Wait, here I come. The foof flash from New Zealand, representing New Zealand in the foof flash. It's Haley Sproul. Wait, how would you win the foof flash? Just the fastest. I don't know, you're fastest to flash. Okay. So then it talks about. Most foof seen in the quickest flash. It's Haley Sproul. Wait, how would you win the first flash? Just the fastest. I don't know, you're fastest to flash. Okay. So then it talks about.

Most foof seen in the quickest amount of time. I don't know. Sports developed from hunting because, of course, archery was primarily for hunting and warfare, but then, you know, outside of warfare. So he basically does all these engravings and a man called Dr. William Brooks, founded the Wenlock Olympic Games.

And there was these Olympic Games in the 1850, which was just to, in the working class, in the middle of summer to make everybody be like, hey, let's have some fun, let's have some competitions, let's give out some prizes. They were like, sports stay at school. But what sports are we going to play?

And he had a copy of this book. Right. And he was like archery in. And he went through this book, ticking a lash, your foo. Foo flashing. The foo flash.

And then he had an argument with the people he was involved with. Yeah. And split off and formed the Wenlock Olympic Society, who then got in touch with Greece at a later time and said,

you guys are kind of running a little bit of an Olympics thing, but you were only allowed to enter if you spoke Greek. Oh. And we'd quite like to get involved. And so through them, they developed it. And it's all put down to the fact that this guy did a book of engravings of all of England's pastimes.

That got the Olympics back on track. That got the Olympics back on track. Oh, gosh. Incredible. I cannot wait to proudly wear the silver fern on my skirt. For LA. For LA 2028. For LA 2028.

Yeah. You could be flag bearer. You could walk in. Because they always have a few facts about the flag bearer. Bearing the flag for New Zealand in this opening ceremony is four years ago. Didn't even know this was a sport, but the foo flash has become her passion. Yep. Never thought she'd make it to the Olympics.

And now here she is. Here she is. One of the world's best. Oh, she's giveno-flash has become her passion. Yep, never thought she'd make it to the Olympics. And now, here she is. One of the world's best. Oh, she's given us a little taste of things to come. Absolutely incredible. A little bit of a breeze off the Pacific, he's caught up under the skirt. If you win, I'll buy you a duck. Hey, that's motivation. Get that duck. Ducks are cute. So today's fact of the day is the

rebirth of the modern Olympics can kind of be pinned down to an engraver. Fact of the day is the rebirth of the modern Olympics can kind of be pinned down to an engraver. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. There's a woman who has shared a first date experience on TikTok and I just wanted to share it with you. She went on a date with a fella. First date. Yep. All was going well.

Fajitas margaritas. Oh, perfect. Amazing. We love a sizzling fajita plate. Fajitas, margaritas. Oh, perfect. Amazing. We love a sizzling fajita plate. We've talked about this at length. Now, she said it was good. It was fun. He was funny.

He was nice. And after dinner, he was like, do you want to come back to my house and watch a movie? Oh, we know what that means. 100% yes, I want to do that. We've had some fajitas. We've had some margaritas. No problem. This is what I want. So off they've had some fajitas we've had some margaritas no problem this is what I want

so off they trot to go back to his house and he takes her to his bedroom we know what this movie is yep and he sits on

she's sitting on the bed and he's like oh I'm just going to go to the bathroom she's like oh good you're in your house you go for a little potty he's got an en suite

oh yeah right so that's attached to the dangerous to the coast of the bedroom oh no I would you're in your house, you go for a little potty. He's got an en suite. Oh, yeah. Right? So that's attached to the- Danger to the coast of the bedroom. Oh, no. I would, if it's a first date, you'd go and use the- Go and use the other bathroom. The other bathroom.

Put a bit of distance between you and me. My friends, it gets so much worse. I would literally prefer to go to the neighbours. Anyway, goes into the en suite where, you know, next to the- Cavity slider? Oh, for God's sake. Of course it is. Of course it is.

En suites always have a cavity slider. Disgusting. Wardrobes and en suites, cavity sliders. You know how we feel about that. Anyway, he goes into the bathroom and he sits down. Leaving the door open. Leaving the door open. And pulls down his pants, sat on the toilet, and she's like, oh, he sits when he sits down. Leaving the door open. Leaving the door open. And pulls down his pants, sat on the toilet.

And she's like, oh, he sits when he pees. Nope. Oh, no. Door open. He's sitting there for like a minute. And she suddenly just goes, what are you doing? He's like, I'm pooping. First date.

This dude's had a sizzling spicy fajita plate. He sits down on the loo with the cavity slider open. Like literally what? A metre or two away from her. Taking an absolute poop. Right. So she uploads this. Shivers.

Yeah, to TikTok. And everyone's like, oh my God. I don't even know how I'd react. I'd be like, oh, close the door. Like, Aaron wouldn't even do that in front of I'd be like oh close the door like you wouldn't Aaron wouldn't even do that in front of you now right

we would pee in front of each other never poop never in our lives you'd just be like give me a moment or go to another bathroom yeah yeah

100% no no no never never never have never crossed that line and I don't plan on it yeah let alone a first date yeah

not even when we're sick would that happen anyway so the great thing is everyone was commenting on TikTok being like, oh my god, part two, part two. We must know. Like, how did you leave? Did you just run? She's like, nice day. Everybody poops. Just not

with the door open right in front of a person they're hoping to be soon romantically entwined with. Even with the door shut, the smell, the oh no, no, no, no. So she said, honestly, it was the weirdest thing. I asked him, what are you doing? He said, I'm just pooping. He acted like it was so normal.

So she said, I just sat there and then just pretended like I was on my phone for a bit. And then he goes, oh, does that make you feel uncomfortable? And she was like, yeah. And he goes, I just feel really comfortable around you. And then they shagged. You've got to do what you've got to do. Is that guy had it all? Are they still together?

He had. They have gone on three dates. Oh, I'm going. Margaritas. Sizzling fajitas. Yeah. He had a poop. Yep.

With the door open. Yep. As a god tear poop right there. Door open. Yeah. Why not? Your house. And then still managed to engage in some romance.

And she went back. She has been on three dates with him since. And as of now, they are still dating. God amongst men. Why not? No apologies. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, it's not just humans who get the ick.

There's been a big say done. And obviously, like, they can't ask cats and dogs, like, what gives you the ick. Yes, you just have to know how to talk to them. And cats. And make you get ick. Okay, that is an ick. Talking to dogs or cats in the baby voice. You do my good.

Wait, how do you talk to Major Murray? You use the voice. Yeah, you do. You don't go, g'day, my bro. G'day, my bro. No, I get home, I'm like, g'day, my bro. G'day, my bro. How's your day been so far, homie? I've been a little bit, you know. You don't go, g'day my bro, g'day my bro. No, I get home and I'm like, g'day my bro. G'day my bro, how's your day been so far, homie? I've been a little bit, you know. You want some food, my little dude?

So they ask pet owners and you know when your dog or your cat gives you the stink eye or that side eye? Major Murray Fluffington has a death stare. Stinkiest of the eyes. The stinkiest look. Rolly has 100% as of the last month

fallen out of love with me. Really? Like he'll just sit there and he'll just look at me like, you bitch. Like he, why? What did you do?

We put him on a diet. Oh, okay. He's getting chunky. Also, your cat is not fat. You want to see a fat cat? Come and see my cat. But you kind of have a breed of cat

that should be a chunky cat. My cat's a straight cat. It was born to be thin. And we've been told that he's a little bit chunky. So we put him on a diet and he just stares at me. He just thinks I'm the worst thing. And I'll be like, come for a little cuddle. And he just looks at me like, yuck. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I know. See, that's why people just cave in. We built him a house and he just does not care. So they talk to 2,000 pet owners and ask them what behaviour they do that gives their cat the ick, that gets a side eye or gets them in a stink mood.

And the study found that dogs get weirded out more than cats by our behaviour. That makes sense. Over a third of pets seemingly get the ick from a stranger kissing them. Yeah, they're like their heads go like that. of pets seemingly get the ick from a stranger kissing them. Yeah. Their heads go like that.

My cat hates being touched around them. He's just like, get away. Whereas some cats love smoochy kisses. Not my cat. I don't kiss them. They're yuck. One in five cats or dogs get the ick from owner's flatulence.

From farts. 18% judge humans for using baby talk on them. You think about what it would be like being a dog with super, super sensitive smell and then your owner drops their guts. It would be pretty yuck all go. Yeah. The biggest annoyance from pets, according to their owners, was being taken to the vet.

Oh, yeah. Like I had to, I was lending my cat carry case to my friend who just bought some cats, and I put it in the hallway, and my cat disappeared. Yeah. He's like, nope. Yeah. Rolly's the same.

Not today. If he even sees it, you will not see him all day. Yeah. Yeah, cats, man, they hate us. And we've been told this. We're like, no, they love us. They love us. They love us. No, they don't. We know that we've been told this. And we're like, no, they love us, they love us, they love us.

No, they don't. We know that we're just their servants. Yeah, we are. We literally live to serve them. You love dogs and they lick their balls and you share your ice cream with them. I don't share my balls. Ha, ha, ha. I rub them of that pleasure.

They don't have balls. Ha, ha, ha. I do. Ha, ha, took your balls, took your balls. I'm the master. I'm the master. Actually, the only male at our house with balls. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah, you are. Pigs, goats, dogs, cows. Ha, ha, ha. Wait, do none of your male, took your balls. I'm the master, I'm the master. Actually the only male at our house with balls.

Oh yeah, you are. Pigs, goats, dogs, cows. Wait, do none of your male animals have balls? Nope. Where's your bull's balls? The bull's balls? You don't have a bull's. He's a steer. A steer.

Oh yeah. They were removed. They were gone by the time we got them. Oh. We should get him some extra balls. We should get him some synthetic balls, some prosthetic balls. He can't remember what I was like to have them. But he won't know how to be a...

You know those ones that some people put on their trailers on their utes? Truck balls. Truck nuts. Oh, yeah. When I see truck nuts, I always laugh. It's funny. Sorry, darling. It's funny.

We're all just out here having a laugh. Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no. Still banned. Okay. They never left. No, sorry. That's where you Are they back? No, no, still banned. They never left.

That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.