ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 9th April 2024

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

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The ZM Podcast Network. The Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning, welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley, two minutes past six. Yeah, it's that daylight savings, eh? It'll get ya.

It'll get ya. Tell you what. It'll get ya. Tell you what. I don't really know what to say. I don't really know what to say. I don't really know what to say about a situation that's happening. Do you know what? Let's just go crazy.

Let's play it. Are you not a Jojo Siwa fan? No. Is that right? Okay. No. No. I'm confused as to where we're at because last time we had anything to do, well, I had anything to do with Jojo Siwa.

It was my daughters were both like, I think Indy was five and August would have been like three and she had the Jojo bows and that was the big thing. She was like a TV star and she did songs and dances and stuff and she was on Dance Moms. Yeah, totally. I think she's very talented as a dancer. And then she seems to have had some sort of revolutionary

Well, she says that she's doing something that no one's ever done before, which is a Disney star, you know, like a child star rebelling. And everyone was like, everyone's done that. I'm sure they've all done it. They've all done it they've all done it they disappear

or they do that don't they yeah yeah yeah one of two paths you know what play it very confusing that's what we're

going to start the show with Jojo Siwakama you know just play it we're very trustworthy here at the show aren't we I think you can trust us.

You can trust us. You could go to the toilet and I'll hold your handbag and I won't steal your money. That's trustworthy. Do you know what I mean? Very trustworthy. Very trustworthy. I'd have a look.

I'd have a rummage. Have a rummage. I'll probably use a little bit of perfume on your lip balm or something. Yeah, I feel like I was going to say people don't have cash these days, but they could look at your credit card and take a photo. That's even more powerful

than cash. Yeah. That's unlimited. Yeah. You know? Well. Well, depending on who's handbag. To a point. Well, apparently trust in New Zealand media brands has dropped since 2023, 2024. And all. And all. Across the board. Right. Across the board. Ten

of course being completely trustworthy. Zero being not at all trustworthy. Okay. And no one's... Where's Bryn? Is Bryn on the list? Our news? I suppose he would come up with other commercial radio, 4.8 out of 10. Oh my goodness. That doesn't sound great, but it's only.2 off the top,

which is the Otago Daily Times. Okay. The Otago Daily Times, flat five. So no one trusts them any more than half. But they are still the top in New Zealand. They're the top and the bottom is 3.9. So everybody fits within like a 1.1. Right.

Is that right? Yes, 1.1 span. Because this is the Otago Daily Times. Is that one of the only few independents? Yes, it is, sir. Yeah. Yeah, right. My problem is they report on news from outside of Otago.

Stay in your lane. I think this is wild. What do you know? You're so far away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know. You're not on the floor. You're not on the ground.

They're allowed to have world and national news. Or you're saying they're not? I don't think so. No, I think with that name. Yeah, if they're coming out and they don't say New Zealand in it, and it just says Otago. Right. New Zealand Herald, for example.

Yeah, they can comment on all of New Zealand. And if they've got a world section, as long as it's very well known that it's the world section. Okay. National Business Review is second. Okay. Oh, yeah. I thought that was more reviews than news. Oh, yeah, because it's in the title, isn't it?

Yeah, it was like, this business, great. This one, not so great. RNZ, Radio New Zealand, also on 4.9. So people trust the national broadcast. Even though they had a Russian influencer changing all their news stories. Do you remember that? Oh, my God, that was wild. That was crazy.

That might be why they've dropped a little bit since last year. Yeah. But everybody's dropped across the board. People are trusting media brands less. If you look for the top, like TVNZ's the top television news, but only just above a new shub. Okay. And new shub is the same as Newsook ZB and the New Zealand Herald.

Right. Okay. Right. So it's sort of a flat. It's a bit flat, isn't it? There's a lot of distrust. How can we gain the trust? A lot of distrust.

Should we share a secret? No, no. I was like, how do we gain their trust? Because whose secret are you sharing? Because if you're sharing somebody else's secret, that means you are less trustworthy. No, it'll have to be our own personal secrets. Oh, I don't want to share any of those.

How many secrets do you have? Lots of them. Do you know his secrets, Fletch? I don't even know. Do you? Well, I've probably forgotten most of my secrets. Yeah, I feel like I forget my secrets. I feel like in this day and age, though,

I don't think any news source is going to be 100% trustworthy or 10 on the scale. No. Because they make spelling mistakes. That and just all the crazy people on the internet and conspiracy theories. Exactly. Gone are those days.

I wouldn't worry too much if I was the news. No. You sort of are. Oh, yeah. I mean, lots of them are getting cancelled and stuff, but, and downsized. But I wouldn't worry too much because you just,

those people will never trust anybody. What's your motto in life? Trust Fletch? Well, I have never trust anybody ever, full stop, ever. And mine is... Sorry, what is it? Never trust anybody ever,

full stop, ever. Yeah. Ever. Ever. Yeah, right. And mine is the first step on the path to failure is trying. So don't try.

This is my vauntlessly try. And he's been very successful. Yeah. Some would say. It's so crazy that this show works because mine's, if at first you don't try. This is why Vaughan doesn't try. And he's been very successful. Yeah. So crazy that this show works. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.

If you don't succeed, flesh your privilege and then try again. Try, failure, try, failure. Right. Yeah, right. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. MPs probably deserve pay rises.

Who said that? Former MP Chris Finlayson. Okay. MPs need to stop turning down pay rises and take what they're offered. It's been six and a half years since MPs got a pay rise. Jacinda Ardern instituted a pay freeze for MPs in 2018. And then they took a pay cut in 2020 from COVID-19. I don't want a bloody pay rise.

I don't want them getting a bloody pay rise. Top six people that I think need pay rises in the public sector before politicians. In no particular order. Okay. Apart from it being a top six. But think of, this isn't a ranked top six, this is just six.

Okay. Yeah. Number six, doctors. Yeah. Are they doing nice, good things, are they? They're doing great things

for people in unfortunate circumstances. And did you hear some new healthcare facility is ready to open? Like, the facilities have been finished, all ready to open. Just not enough medical staff to run it. So it won't open. That's not good, hey?

How long will it take for us to turn ourselves from what we are, entertainers, into doctors? Oh. Six months and a lot of Googling. I reckon I could... I can commit to six months. Okay, yeah. I think it's six years.

Right. And I think you've got to get accepted after you do like a first year of health science. Yeah, but how badly do they want to open this medical centre is what I'm saying. Yeah, so you're saying just give us a laptop. Yeah. And we'll Google everything.

Does it matter that I dropped out of science in fifth form? It doesn't bode well. Right. But I did double music. In French. Well. Well, maybe you could work at a French hospital. Yes, in the music department.

In the music rehab. In the music rehab, yeah. For musicians that have car accidents and need to get their fingers right. Yes. You could rehab them back to... I could rehab them back to Beethoven. Yeah.

Done. Number five on the list of the top six public servants that need to be prioritised for politicians in no particular order, police officers. Yeah, well, they're after one. They're negotiating, aren't they? Yeah, they're negotiating. But did you know there was that aim to get 500 new police officers

on the books by the end of this year or something and then 200 police officers left. So now they need 700. Yeah, right. Because I always see the ads, I don't know why, I think there was one in the paper the other day for like Queensland had a big full page ad like, we'll give you $20,000 just to relocate

and you earn way more money. Yeah. Being a cop in Queensland. Yeah. Snakes though. But then snakes and also like the bogans over there are way more trash. It's next level.

It's next level. We've got some pretty trash bogans here. Nah. Nah, they're trashier over there. Even trashier. Are they? Yeah. Souped up.

A bit of trash. Number four on the list are the top six public servants that need pay rises before politicians in no particular order. Teachers? Yeah. Are they doing good things as well? They're doing great things as well. Oh wow, what are they doing? Patients of saints. Are they raising our kids? They're raising our children for us. Oh my god. Teaching them basic maths. Wow. And reading

so that one day they can become doctors and fill the space allocated. You'll remember number six on the list. This is a bit of a trickle down, isn't it? There's a trickle down situation going on. Number three on the list of the top six people that are public servants that deserve pay rises before politicians. I'll say it.

Firefighters. Have you ever tried fighting a fire? Only once. Your little garden hose is a bit piddly, isn't it, compared to theirs? It is. They've got giant hoses. It's bloody hard work. I had to chuck salt on it. It was an oven fire. Salt? How much salt did you have?

Were you just sprinkling it on? Lots. Were you just grinding it out? Yeah, it was cracked. It was Himalayan. Salt put out of fire? We just gotta suffocate it. Alright. So you can do like suffocate it. Oh, right. So you can do like baking powder, baking soda, salt. Oh.

Any kind of thing that's not water. What was on fire? Your pan? My granddad's oven. Oh. I set it ablaze. Goodness. Good work from you.

Number two, if only the teachers, remember teachers from number four. Yeah, had taught. If they had taught you how to cook. If only. You wouldn't have started the fire. If only. We wouldn't have had number four? Yeah, had taught you. If they had taught you how to cook, you wouldn't have started the fire. If I would. We would have had number three. Yeah.

And even number six, to heal you from your wounds from the fire you got from number two, three. Number two on the list of the top six are people that eat pay rises before politicians in no particular order that are public servants. Department of Conservation Workers. What are they doing?

Are they looking after our clean... What is it? Clean green image. Clean green image. Yeah, right. They want the best for the country. They're changing the sheets when bloody Fletchers

stayed in one of their huts. There's no sheets in the hut. They absolutely soiled it. There's no sheets. There's no sheets in the hut. No Sheraton's. You know there's no sheets there. Surely there's a bloody

Wallace Cotton up there. No. No. It's a plaster covered mattress. Oh, I'm not going. It's vinyl You know there's no sheets, right? Surely there's a bloody Wallace Cotton up there. No. It's a plaster-covered mattress. Oh, I'm not going. It's vinyl, isn't it? Yeah, vinyl-covered. I'm strictly linen. If there's no linen, I'm not going.

Have you ever slept in a sleeping bag? Never. I've slept in a sleeping bag. Right. Well, you take your sleeping bag and you sleep on the mattress. I feel suffocated. And when you roll over, it goes rustle, rustle, rustle. Yeah, but I want to burst out of it.

What am I, some kind of butterfly? I can imagine you taking sheets to a dock hut and a nice pillow. Yeah, lovely. Lighting a scented candle. Nice quilt. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six public servants that need pay rises for politicians and no particular order, nurses.

Oh yeah. Give the nurses a pay rise. I've been hearing that they need a bit more money. Yeah, if you're a parent or someone that's ever changed the nappy of a baby, imagine how much worse it would be if it was like a 90kg dude. And that's just one aspect of the entire situation that is nurses. So to recap, doctors, police officers, teachers, firefighters, Department of Conservation workers, nurses, all public servants that deserve pay rises

before politicians. That's today's top six. Hey, farm boy over there, Monsieur Smith. Yeah. Oh, sorry. It was the other one. Other one.

It's the other one. My other farm boy. Speaking. Have you ever attended the New Zealand Shearing Champs? I have not. No, no, no, no, I haven't. And Tikawiti, it still happened in...

Tikawiti. Tikawiti? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got that statue, don't they, that looks a bit... Of David, yeah. Fagan? Aren't they shears?

The golden shears. The golden shears. Isn't there a shears statue? Yeah. Probably. We love big statues of things. We do. Colin Meads. Oh. Colin Meads.

Oh, Colin Meads. He's got a statue there as well. Yeah, he does. Do we have one? We? What? Do I have one? No.

No, no. Do you have one? No, no. Yeah, see, it is. There's the big statue in the middle of antiquity of someone sharing it. No, these are the ones in Wairarapa that look like balls. I knew there was one that looked like balls. Oh, you're right. Yeah, yeah, these are the ones in Wairarapa that look like balls. I knew there was one that looked like balls.

Oh, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mastered in golden shares. Yes. They're the ones that look like balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually going to be

down there this weekend. Should I go see them? Get a photo. I'll get a photo. Yeah. I'll get a photo. Golden balls. Well, the,

what did I call it? The golden shares. No, the running of the sheep. The champion sharing things. The golden chairs? No, the running of the sheep. The champion sharing things. The golden chairs. No, it's not called the golden chairs. That's a different one. Anyway, the sheep sharing thing, sharing championships,

was last week, Friday. Right. And a liquor store in Tegawere got a bit of a surprising ram raid of literal rams raiding their back room, like their little tea room. Right. At the back of a liquor store. It was inundated by all these sheep, 14 lost sheep,

because they kind of parade down the street. They run them down the street like they're running in the bulls. Yeah, like a running, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where does the running of the bulls happen? Pampona. No, it's in Spain. Pampl yeah, yeah. Yeah. When does the running of the bulls happen? Pamplona. No, it's in Spain. Pamplona. Spain.

Yeah. God, we're full of really half information today, aren't we? Yeah, we are. Well, we keep adding information we don't have. After we learnt we weren't even on the list of the most trusted news sources in New Zealand, we do like to confirm these things. It is Pamplona in Spain. It is the running of the bulls.

Yeah. More dangerous than the running of the little sheepies. Yeah. Sheep will knock you on your ass if it's a big running sheep. Probably rocking at about 55 kgs. Yeah. Really? Really moving.

And knee height. They'll really do you mischief. They'll tear your... Meniscus. Yeah, your knee thing. Your ACL. You'll have yourself an ACL injury by the end of things. Yeah.

You know, thousands of people turned up for running of the sheep I know It's a massive event for the area So there was 700 sheep as well as part of the running bit And then just 14 of them were like Should we get like a six pack or something Oh my god I'd be crazy when I can't do that Come with me

And they like pulled off and went into a liquor store Into a liquor land And then went through the liquor store, into a liquor land and then went through the bottle store out the back and got stuck in their little tea rooms. Look at the funny photo. Look at them. They're just like, where are we? They're just so

confused and lost. I also love that a booze store has a tea room. I love that it has like a little staff room. It is a classic staff room. I'm looking at the shelf, we've got like a myriad of mixed matched mugs Any of those brown glass

No, none of those, but there is a Pyrex to the left, dishwashing liquid that'll absolutely scrape a layer of your skin off, you know what I mean We've got a thin chopping board We've got some instant coffee, some soy sauce and some marmite

some white vinegar you know it's got everything good stuff but yeah these little sheepies got lost and they went into a liquor store

they ram raided ram raided ram raided good stuff yeah it is good stuff actually it's good stuff it's about as kiwi

as it gets yeah pretty bloody good what sheep having a drink in the middle of the day yeah yeah that is as Kiwi as it gets. Yeah, pretty bloody good. Pretty bloody good. Isn't it? What, sheep having a drink in the middle of the day? Yeah. Yeah, that is as Kiwi as it gets. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM.

Okay, so this is from the World Population Review that does kind of massive global studies, like which country is the most this and that and the other thing. Right. And this list is about which countries are the most promiscuous sexually. Based on how many

partners on average the sexually active population have in a lifetime. Okay, so they ask, this is how they get their data, they ask people. Yeah, I wasn't asked. Were you asked? I wasn't data, they ask people. Yeah, I wasn't asked. Were you asked? I wasn't asked, were you, Vaughn?

I wasn't asked. No. We could submit our numbers retrospectively. Wait, when you say sexually active, do you mean so once? Well, that's what I was just trying to think. I was like, well, how do we know if we're done? Because if you're not counting the people who never have sex, then they would bring the average dramatically down.

Yeah, and also if you're asking someone in their 30s, they might not be finished collecting numbers. Yeah, I guess they have a set age range and they say how many partners and then average that. Yeah, and it would average all out, like older people from like 18 to probably 80. Anyway, so here's the list. Right at the bottom with the least promiscuous,

I can't say it least promiscuous, sort of Muslim countries or like religious countries, India's at the bottom. Oh. Right at the bottom. Well, you don't get to 1.3 billion people without it. Have a bit of sex. I know, but they're sort of.

They're the same people. The same people. Also, then like some of the American states were in there, like Utah, on average, had 2.6. Oh, please. Are they counting how many wives they have, though? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's 2.6, the average amount of wives.

Yeah. So, China and Slovakia were really down the bottom. Okay. With not a lot of six-year-old partners as well. Did they ask the gays or the straights here? God. Surely this is hetero, right?

I think the countries you've listed or areas you've listed so far aren't known for their open arms to the gays. Wait. Surely this is heterosexual.

It's gotta be. Yep. Okay. I think we'll go with that based on these numbers Here's your top 10 promiscuous countries in the world Number 10, Switzerland with 11.1 Sweden just above

with 11.8 Italy in number 8 with 11.8 Italian Stallions Norway I've had a couple of those That's in 7th place with 12 I love it. Italian Stallions. Yes, please. Norway. I've had a couple of those. That's in seventh place with 12.

Fond memories of Norway. Fond memories. Okay. Yeah. Of my time with the Norwegian military. I feel like Norwegian guys would be your kind of like, because aren't they quite tall and big? They're massive. Yeah, they're massive.

Especially in the army. Yeah. Finland in number six. God, no wonder these countries, Switzerland, Finland, Norway, always on their list. They're happy. They're happy. Yeah. Finland in number six. God, no wonder these countries, Switzerland, Finland, always on their list. They're happy.

They're happy, yeah. Finland's in number six with 12.4, just above in number five. Yeah. Australia? No, South Africa.

South Africa? They're having quite a lot of sex with quite a lot of people. 12.5 on average is to South Africa. Surely. Or Mr. Baker's doesn't. How many countries are left? Four. Surely there's Aussie and the

Brits are in there, right? No, the Brits are... I don't know. The Brits are 21st with 9.8. Really? Okay. United States is 12th. So this is based on sexual partners, not relationships. Yes. Sexual partners,

like your number, your body count. Yep. Okay, here's your top four. Iceland in number four. That's dangerous territory there. Well, it's going to keep warm. No, you're related to everybody.

There's an app in Iceland to make sure you're not sleeping with your cousin and you have to put it in and it's like, boop, too closely related. Because it's small. For God's sake,

don't have a baby with this. 300,000 people? 300,000 people. Oh, okay. Done. So Hamilton. What's Hamilton's population? Oh, yeah, we'll give it Hamilton.

It'll be like if you never left Hamilton. Hamilton. He wants to check in on Hamilton. Okay, here's your top three. Oh, okay. Two Hamiltons. In third place were 13.2 average sexual partners. Not average sexual partners, like the sex was average.

On average, the number we're having, New Zealand. Okay. Third in the world. Are we clapping that? Are we clapping that? Absolutely. Let's clap that. As long as we're being safe and it's consensual.

I'm all for. I'll clap and then you get a course of antibiotics. The clap will be gone and then I will applaud our efforts. Yeah. Look, you know, why not? Just above. So we're 13.2. At 13.3, just above is Australia.

Okay. In first place with 14.5. So it's actually quite a big leap. I've been there. And I'll tell you what. Is it European? Yeah. You reckon no.

I'll tell you what. Dry lamb. Turkey. Turkey, my friend. Turkey? Turkey. Well, no wonder. They've got to seek out some moisture after that extremely dry lamb.

I feel like you're coming. Get some moist spots. I don't watch your language. You're saying you're really coming for turkey with this dry lamb thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've never been. Dry cofters. You're just basing it on some dry lamb at a kebab

shop at what, 2am? I don't know, just every time anything's had Turkish in it, dry lamb. Really? Lamb's supposed to be moist. Yeah. Well, they're number one on average 14.5 sexual partners. A nation of 85 million people.

Well again, you don't get to 85 million people without... Nah, nothing around. And so they said researchers can't even give an explanation for the promiscuity in Turkey, and it goes against Turkey's generally traditional approach to sex and relationships. Because I would have thought it would have been a lot more conservative than here.

More than 99% of Turkey's residents are Muslim. Huh. A religion which typically comes with strict dating rules. That 1% must be really doing the leg work. Yeah. Wow. Do you know, so there is a Muslim matchmaking site called Muzz, M-U-Z-Z. Yeah.

But on most of it, like on their profile. I'd pronounce that Muz. Oh, would you? Well, Muslim. Yeah, I suppose so. Anyway, but like on their profiles, so much of it is about religion, like looking for life partners, no sex before marriage,

dating with chaperones and that kind of stuff. So they're like, how did they get these numbers? I think a small percentage of them are really clocking it up. They're in the hundreds. Do you know what I mean? Then everyone's else in the three to fours. There's some heavy lifting there. Yeah, and good for them.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, Silly Little Polar today is do you use close friends? I don't. We got onto this because Billie Eilish added everybody. I think she just announced an album I think I saw before. How do you add that many people to close friends?

I don't know how you do everybody all at once. Like, do you have to write some kind of program or code or something? 120 million followers and she follows nobody. She follows no one? She follows no one. Oh, narcissist. I don't use it.

Neither. I know some people do if they don't want like family members seeing like their night out. I've got lots of friends that use it all the time. Sometimes for like, I don't know, like statements, political statements or something. Or if they've got a public profile or, yeah. They use close friends that I just would forget. I definitely have some friends, nameless, who will do like social media content for brands and stuff.

Oh, yeah. And then on close friends be like, hey, guys, go and engage with that content, please. Really? Yeah. Just to be like. I need the insight. I'm going to need you to hurry up. Just to boost your numbers. Yeah, like boost me, babies.

Wow. I'm always like, how are you, man? I'll give you a like. See their content. 80% of people who responded said no. 20% of people said yes. It's also a weird name, close friends, because... Yeah. Like, you know...

Sometimes I see a story from close friends from people I'm like, I wouldn't even consider you a colleague. Yeah. You wouldn't be invited to my wedding. Like, that's pulling something'm like I wouldn't even consider you a colleague. Yeah. You wouldn't be invited to my wedding. Like they should call it something else. I don't know

it needs a better name. Inner Circle. Inner Circle. Inner Circle just makes me feel like a that makes me think about the reggae band.

Right. Inner Circle. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Lana said I'm still sorry Lana Vaughan

shut down. I thought she said something controversial and you were getting it. I'm still... Sorry, Lana Vaughan, shut down. I thought she said something controversial. I'm still friends with my ex's family and friends and sometimes I don't want them to see the things I post. So I have close friends that they are not in. But again, unfollow them or just don't be friends with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you hiding?

She doesn't want to completely write them off, but she also doesn't want them seeing everything she posts. Raphael, hell of a Ninja Turtle. Yeah. It takes too much time to set up, so I've never bothered. Okay, yeah. Erica says, I forget about it until I see stories of my own friends using close friends. Yeah, same.

I would just, I'd probably post it on Facebook if I just wanted my close friends to see it. But then you have a ridiculous amount of Facebook friends. Do you post on Facebook? I post on Facebook. You are like the only person I know that's younger than... I love seeing memories, and then there's nothing on memories from the last few years

because everybody stopped posting on Facebook. So I'm just posting for myself to remember dates more than anything now. Yeah. For the future. Post on there. Yeah. Ruby said,

I don't use it. That would suggest that I do indeed have close friends. Oh, you could be our close friend. Please don't promise my friendship to anybody.

Amy said, yes, but only while I was travelling so I didn't get judged by some people. Just because they're travelling too much. Yeah.

Yeah, jealous and she's going to all these amazing places. Yeah. What do you think she was travelling? She was like riding elephants and doing things that some people wouldn't. Like padding chained up tigers. Yeah. Drugs. I don't need the judgement.

Sedated tigers. Yeah. This is my dream. Michelle says, I keep maximum nine people on close friends. Hence, close friends. Share only content for them, reels, memes, wedding planning content, et cetera. However, my best friend has over 60 people on a close friend,

and that's just not close friends. Not that close. Well, so I feel like if there was something we were going to share with a group of friends, we'd share it with each other or like the gaggle in the chat. Yes. Kicks up a lot of chat. Julie says, I have close friends

for the people who actually respond to my stories instead of just stalk watching. Those hard workers get the quality content. Okay.

Amber said, close friends gives me the ick. Oh, okay. Okay. I don't know why exactly. Some clarification there, Amber, would be great. My Instagram is literally

only my close friends, says this person whose name is Russian Symbols. So is literally only my close friends, says this person whose name is Russian Symbols. So I don't need close friends because the whole thing is only close friends. Right. And Felicity said,

there are things I put on Instagram that my grandmother does not need to see. And he's on Instagram. Wow, okay. The gram gram. None of my grandparents even had cell phones.

That's so cool. Gram gram. Gram gram. Gram gram. Gram phones. That's so cool. Gram, gram. Gram, gram. Gram, gram. Drink a gram, game, sell a little pole. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Harry. Now, there are two Australian Adelaide. They were in Adelaide because they do regional radio.

Whereas we're talking top to bot of our country. Yeah, we're top to bottom radio. Top to bot. But these guys are in Adelaide. Max and Taylee. Right. I don't know. And they were just chatting about going to a wedding

and, you know, having some drinks and stuff. And then the guy's like, oh, you know, maybe you could have a little drinky poo. And then she was like, oh, no, I would probably have like a seltzer, you know, just a bit of sparkling water or something. He said, well, are you pregnant or something? And she was like, well, yeah, I'll just probably have like a seltzer, you know, just a bit of sparkling water or something. He said, well, are you pregnant or something? She was like, well, yeah, I might as well just, yes. And then he just basically, you know, accidentally spilled the beans on her.

He outed her. Pregnancy. But he knew about it. That's the awkward bit was that he'd sort of just said it as a joke, you know, like as a, I guess maybe like a knee jerk sort of reaction. What are you, pregnant or something like a knee jerk sort of reaction. What are you pregnant or something? Not quite remembering

in that moment. Any other countries do that as badly as New Zealand and Australia or someone's like, oh no, I'm not drinking.

Must be bloody pregnant. Like immediately. Because there'd be no other reason, right? Is that the sort of thing? Absolutely. What's wrong with you?

For a woman, you must only be pregnant. Anyway, spilled the beans and she was like, well, quietly confirming it. Even though I'm sure, you know, being on radio, they might have had a nice fun way of...

Right, it wasn't set up? Did we feel that it was set up? Announcing it. Could have been. It's so awkward watching it though. Like it doesn't feel kind of like a bit of a stitcher. Yeah, anyway, they absolutely ruined the surprise. I don't know if I've ever like spilled someone's beans like this before terribly.

I hate having secrets. I hate keeping secrets. I know. I don't like it. Yeah. Don't tell me. And when you know other people's secrets. I like getting a little bit of secrets, but I will share them with at least

I'll say half a dozen people that's what you need to know if you tell me a secret or you want me to like sit on something for a bit yes but I will tell six people yeah or at least your partner can you trust those six people or do those six people need to tell six people and what you've got now is a

multi-level marketing secret well yeah I imagine the people I tell would tell maybe I would tell six people I think you've got now is a multi-level marketing secret. Well, yeah, I imagine the people I tell would tell. Maybe I would tell six people, I think they would each tell three. And we'll stop it there. So now we've got 18. And then those people,

yeah. You can see how quickly this escalates. How secrets get well out of hand. Yeah. So anyway, they get quickly,

the chick tailer was like quickly like, all right, we'll get the photo ready, like get everything and did that, you know, announced it all. It wasn't too bad. But I want to know from our listeners when you accidentally spilt the beans, like when you spoke when you shouldn't,

you revealed something you shouldn't. The worst is when there's a surprise party and there's lots of people, because, you know, you're just like, it's so easy to be like, I'll see you this week. Oh, yeah. Oh, surprise parties, yeah. just like, it's so easy to be like, I'll see you this weekend. Oh, yeah. Oh, surprise parties, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did it nearly recently.

Sorry, I can't see you this weekend. And it was my brother-in-law's surprise party. And he was like, well, I wasn't really expecting to. And I was like, of course you weren't. It would be weird. Why would you? But you know how I feel about weekends. I feel like I need to be seeing her.

Yeah. I know. So it nearly happened I could see Aaron down the drive being like, shut your mouth. Because your big 40th was a surprise for you, wasn't it? Yes, it was. But you knew about it? No.

No, you genuinely didn't. You tried to get us to say something. I knew we'd be doing something at some stage. No, I honestly didn't. I thought we were going away for the weekend. Because I'm pretty sure even then I was like, I'll see you Monday. Yes. No, I didn't

know that. That was hard. Like knowing for like a month that that was happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I believe we've got some bean spillers in our mid- Many bean spillers.

Yeah, you've got to be picking up your beans. Why is it called spilling the beans? Well, you tell me. Fact of the day, boy. I love a good origins of a saying. Origins of the saying, I'm typing too fast and I'm making a thousand spelling mistakes. Google knows. Google's smart, though.

It figures it out. To spill the beans is likely drawn from the ancient Greek process of voting. Where votes were cast by placing one of two different coloured beans in a vase. Usually a white bean means yes, and a black or brown meant no. If someone spilled the beans, the election results would be revealed. Oh, okay, wow. So you're spilling the beans. So you're technically spilling a secret, which is where it comes from.

Yeah. Yeah, the secret's out. Yeah, yeah. Okay. The big reveal is spilling the beans. Thanks for that little extra little info on top there, Vaughn. I don't reckon you need to do fact of the day now. What should we do instead?

Should we do nap of the day, day, day? We'll just have a nap. Nap of the day. It's a segment we're working on at the moment. It's still got a few little kinks to work out, but it's going to be fun. We take a live nap on air. Yeah, that's good stuff. But we're talking about when you spilt the beans.

My ex was late to plans that we had. And during our fight for standing me up and being late, he yelled at me, I'm late because she got engaged and I was celebrating with her, pointing at my childhood best friend, who I was extremely close with. She was planning on telling me that she was engaged in a surprise way, but he lived with her, so he found out first.

And it delayed his arrival. Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, but if she's there... You were having a go at him though and it's her fault. Yeah. But she didn't say X. To this day,

we both hate him for it. Oh, wow. Oh, there you go. Nick, when did you spill the beans? Nicky, Nicky, Nicky boy. Oh, yeah. Hey, you know him. You know my best mate about five years ago Nicky, Nicky, Nicky boy Oh yeah, how you doing?

You know my best mate about five years ago had his first kid and I didn't realise at the time but their grandmother didn't want to know the sex of the child and I dropped it right in front of her that it was a boy

and she cried Oh Nick! It's not her baby though. No, I know. Everybody has to wash their tongue around grandma. Grandma's taking the,

she's being traumatic. Yeah. Good on you. Did you feel bad though? Did you feel bad? Oh, shit, yeah. I still feel bad. Oh, you're a good boy.

Nick, thanks. You called cool messages. I accidentally told my partner about her surprise birthday trip to Wellington in my sleep. I was sleep talking. Bloody loose lips. Well, that's sort of you can't really blame yourself, can you? How but can you? The in-laws came to us and said we need to tell you something,

and I jokingly shot back immediately, what is, insert sister-in-law's name here, pregnant is she? Let's call her Betty. Call her Betty. It could be Betty. Is Betty pregnant, is she? Betty is insert sister-in-law's name here, pregnant is she? Let's call her Betty. Call her Betty. It could be Betty. Is Betty pregnant, is she? Betty is the sister-in-law. Yeah. She turns around and said,

how did you know? In front of everybody before they got to tell anybody some kind of... What a lame announcement. Yeah. Amanda, when did you spill the beans?

So I've been planning for weeks and months this big surprise trip for my family, and we were going to Turkey. Oh, my God. Such dry land. Such dry land. How was the lamb when you got there, Amanda?

Oh, it was amazing. Wait, the lamb? Wait, so it wasn't dry? Was that? It was not dry. No. Yeah, and now in New Zealand, I've changed my lamb dish in Turkish restaurants. It was amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're lamb dish in Turkish restaurants. It was amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're already wrong. You're ordering the wrong lamb. What lamb should I be ordering at a Turkish restaurant, Amanda? The dolma. Dolma? Yeah.

Okay. Not the costas. The one where it's like sliced and wrapped. Oh, yes. That's good stuff. Guys, I'm having lamb for dinner. So how did you ruin the surprise trip? So my kids had been, you know, obviously pestering me to tell them about where we were going.

And, you know, I was keeping a secret and doing really well. And then just completely off guard, my son wanted to get a game or something. He used his pocket money. And I was like, no, don't be stupid. Save your money for when we're in Turkey. Oh, no. Amazing. Wow, just fell out, right? Yeah.

Did he pick up on it immediately and go, what? Immediately, jumping up and down laughing, going, we're going to Turkey. Amanda, domba just seems to be the Turkish word for lamb. It's the one where it's like Thin And it's long slices That's not right Yeah I think Vaughan Has to apologise to the entire

Nation of Turkey Lamb Yeah Amanda thank you Turkish Some messages in I'm literally now Just looking up lamb dishes

For dinner I'm gonna have lamb I'm thinking koftas Careful they go dry very easy No I'll keep them moist Ask the nation of Turkey I'm literally now just looking up lamb dishes for dinner. I'm going to have lamb. Lamb rolls. I'm thinking koftas. Careful, they go dry very easy. No, I'll keep them moist. Acidation of turkey. One of my sister's friends spilled the beans on her secret pregnancy and the birth of the baby with a public Facebook post

congratulating her on the little cutie. We were all so shocked and confused because it had come from nowhere. Nobody knew. Oh, no one knew. Oh, wow. Yeah. Spilled the beans to dad that mum was going to get lip fillers. Mum wanted to see if Dad actually

noticed because he's the most unobservant person I've ever met. I'm pretty sure he's going to notice if his wife suddenly looks like a duck. Big juicy duck lips. Yeah. I was planning a surprise for my partner's birthday a couple of years ago and put the message that it was a surprise and my partner's brother was with my partner and he was

reading the message out loud. Ruined the surprise. Oh, yeah. Dum-dum. Ruined the surprise. Oh, yeah. Dum-dum. Ruined the surprise. Sounds like we've got a dum-dum on our hands. You've got a big dum-dum. My best mate asked his father-in-law to marry his daughter at Christmas Day very shortly after his daughter showed up to where they were sitting and the father announced, I heard you're getting engaged soon.

That's a daddy dum-dum. Spilling the beans. Too soon. Got a big beans spiller. Clean up on aisle beans. Sorry, that sucked. I'm so sorry. I don't know.

It came out and it had it workshopped into my brain. Yeah, that was really bad. Clean up on aisle beans. Get out. When's your comedy show happening? Yeah, it's not. I've cancelled it. Okay.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Once a year we get this, and I forget how bad it is. Doesn't happen the other way around when we're moving into summer, but daylight savings, Rolly cannot wrap his head around her. He's stressed. Like, so he thinks it's six when it's five now, right? Yep.

And, like, he just cannot handle it. He's like crying. He's zooming up the hall. He's scratching stuff, which he like doesn't do. He's having an absolute meh. Because he's hungry. Yeah, it's like throwing him out. Or because like you haven't fed him yet.

Yeah, because of daylight savings. And then I walked in yesterday., like he was driving me nuts. And I was like, Rolly, leave me alone. And I walked into the room and Aaron was like, he was on the bed. And Aaron was like trying to explain to him the concept of daylight savings. What was he like? Okay, come on, man. It's just so we adjust.

Yes, we adjust. This happens every year. And I don't know how you don't remember it. I was like, well, he's only had eight of these. I don't know how you don't remember, man. This happens every year, and I don't know how you don't remember it. I was like, well, he's only had eight of these. I don't know how you don't remember, man. This happens every year. And then Aaron suggested to us, like, do we, in the winter, feed him five?

Because we give him snack. It's so bad. That is so bad. We started it as a kitten, and now we can't. He's not fat, though. No, but he eats seven, six, and nine. Seven and six, he eats his main meals. Nine, he gets an extra little spoon.

We've tried weaning it. It's so stupid. And we can't. Like, it's just like nine on the dot. He's so like. You know what this reminds me of? What? Fletch.

You two have ill discipline for your animals. No, I have a very well behaved. Don't love me in with Fletch. I have a well disciplined cat. Your cat does not know discipline. Do you know what? I thought, because I stayed at Fletcher's on Friday night and then we went to the airport on Saturday.

I was like, my bag's a bit heavy. I'm going to leave a few things. And I took out a leather jacket that I was like, I'm not going to wear it. And I put it on the desk and I was like, quite an expensive jacket if that cat calls that thing. I'll throw a pair of socks at it. He doesn't like that you're in his space.

No, Raleigh's, no, I'm not, no. Raleigh sounds like a spoiled brat. He is spoiled. Maybe next year, when it's like getting towards the end of March, you should just move the feeding time by five minutes each day. That's great. Incremental. Incremental.

Incremental. And then it'll get to that time and then it'll flip over to Daylight Savings and he'll be used to it. Also, fellow parents listening, how cute is this? How cute is this cat shit?

These people are owning cats. They've got it tough because Daylight Savings has changed. Why, kids struggling with it, are they? I mean, I'm an adult and I'm struggling with it. I don't want to be in bed right now. This one's the worst because kids wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning

and they're like, right, what's happening now? Because I'm awake. It's party time. You're like, no, it's not. It's sleepy, sleepy time. It's 5 o'clock. Yeah. Yeah, no, it takes a little while to adjust.

And then at night time, they're like, I feel tired, but the clock only says 7. So I'm not going to bed. How dare you even insinuate such a wild, wild move? Well, I mean, you know, you chose to have them. I believe one chose to adopt a paper bear cat. Yeah, I know. Totally.

It's fine. He's driving me nuts. Well, I rescued a cat. I rescued a cat from a breeder. From the breeder. And then never disciplined at once. He did put full weight with both paws onto my forearm this morning

at three o'clock to wake me up. So he's struggling too, right? He's also like, why aren't you awake yet? I think you've come up with it. I think that's fantastic. I'll remind you next year. You break it down into five minute chunks

and how many days. And do that over a few weeks. Do that over a few weeks. So subtle he won't even notice. Really clever from you. I came to this radio station seeking advice. Yeah. And I received it. You're welcome.

I shall be tuning in to Fletchford and Hayley every morning. What a show. Someone just messaged, I'm currently looking after my friend's 60 kilogram dog who thinks it's playtime at 5am. It's about time you went home, arsehole. 60 kg dog. That's a big dog.

That's like a small human. That's insane. Yeah. Someone messaged, as a parent of a toddler, this cat chat is embarrassing. The same goes, you know, you chose your lane, I chose mine. Yeah. I'm lane cat. I'm cat lane.

I'm cat lane. I'm cat lane. And we're Lane. I'm Cat Lane. I'm Cat Lane. And we're struggling. Next turn off, Cat Lane. You give us the next turn off. What is the next turn off? Well, the next turn off is how to avoid divorce avenue. Okay. A bit too early

for you to say that you've avoided it. Me? Yeah. I think I can say I've avoided it so far. Nearly 14 years. So far, yeah, so far. It's early days. Yeah, very early days, but I've avoided it. But I don't do this.

It costs too much money. Right, this is what? This is a tip, so they reckon. I don't know. A tip to avoid getting a divorce. I look forward to hearing it. On Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Great show.

ZM. I'm loving it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Great show. ZM. I'm loving it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. They all swear by date nights, don't they? Yeah. Have a date night once a week. That's what they say. Who's got the money?

You were doing a bit of that though, weren't you? For a while? Once a month. Once a month. You'd be like, okay, it's date night. It's date night. Ditch the kids. It's hard though, because we don't do date nights like get dressed up

and go somewhere and do an activity and all that. You live it. See, my version of date night would be just how you live. Yes. You go to the pub. All the time. For dinner like three or four nights of the week. That's date night.

Well, we've pulled it back since last year. Well, three nights a week. Three nights a week. Probably go out. Yeah. That's date night. Well, we've pulled it back since last year. Well, three nights a week. Three nights a week we probably go out. Yeah. That's date night to me. So you're doing date night lots. But would this annoy you

because I always say to Aaron, we don't go out on dates. And he'd be like, we're literally at the pub. But I was like, that was because there was no food in the fridge or like we were tired

or you know, it couldn't kick. We couldn't be bothered cooking. Yeah, couldn't be bothered cooking. It doesn't feel like I'll take you out on a date. That doesn't count. Thank you. It couldn't cook. We couldn't be bothered cooking. Yeah, couldn't be bothered cooking. It doesn't feel like I'll take you out on a date. That doesn't count. Thank you, it doesn't count. No. It counts. It's not a planned thing

like, you know, we're going to have a shower and go to a movie, go to dinner, movie, go for a walk, go do things. We've got movies at home. Yeah. We've got movies at home. I mean, there is a cost of living crisis. We pay for this bloody streaming service What are we going out with movies for?

Because It's romantic What do you mean you want to see Ghostbusters? That's on the bloody television at home Sure it's the 1984 version not the 2024 version Yeah But this is also This marriage foundation looked at it

And said that people who take time out of their busy lives to focus on each other, especially when they have children, are more likely to stay together. But by what percent do you think? Oh, is it low? It's four to six percent. Yeah. Oh, which is margin of error stuff.

Yeah. So you're saying don't bother at all in marriage and then you've got just as much chance. It's going to put the additional stress on you of like, what do we have to forego to go on this date night? Like the power bill. Maybe you're not going to have enough money in there to hit some of the monthly bills.

Yeah. Or some of the other things that you kind of like doing or need to do. That stress is going to be way more than if you just stayed at home and watched Netflix. Exactly. Well, you've got two kids. Your kid money

is our pub money. And travel money. And travel money. Oh my God, I'd have so much pub money. You'd have so much pub money. You'd be going to the pub three or four times a week

like we do. Yeah, I'd be living your life with the pubs. Well, remember me and Aaron tried to do that alphabet date thing. Yes. How did that, yeah. Well, remember me and Aaron tried to do that alphabet date thing? Yes. How did that, how far through did you get?

A. Now, for those that don't know, that's every date is something that starts with A and then B and then C. Yeah, and I had said, because, yeah, cost of living and, you know, we're busy and the house and all that kind of stuff. I said, instead of doing a date, like abseiling and bungee jumping and canoeing, going a small activity within the house each day. Yep. And remember we got to A and it was arrange the back of the ute

so we can drop off the rubbish to Jake's house. Getting time together, it's getting something done. Yeah, but that wasn't a date. That was a chore. And then we didn't get to be. Yeah. Well, maybe you could kickstart it. Could do be today. I'm re-inspired.

Whenever we talk about these like date night idea things, I'm like, right, we're going to do that. I'm going back to A. It's autumn. You could blow the leaves off the lawns before I have to mow them. Why is he giving me chores? It's all chores. Why are you telling me my like fun date thing? C, cut the hedges.

Why couldn't A be like... Because these things need to be done and if we do them together we'll get them quicker. Or art. Go to an art class. Go do art. We draw a portrait of each other. Some say a good hedge trim is an art.

I do love a straight hedge trim though. Of course you do. Yeah, it is nice. We've got a straight hedge trim, though. Of course you got a straight hedge trim. I do love a good hedge trim. Yeah, it is nice. We've got a big hedge, too. Put a rope up. Make sure, you know, Yeah, but again, that's chores.

That's not a date. What if we do an individual thing each? He can go and art the hedge. Yeah. And I can go and, I don't even, I can't even think of an A that I want to do. Amarillo cocktails or something.

Yeah, this is not good. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, remember when Netflix said, if you share a password, we're going to crack down on it? And everyone was like, well, I'll start using Netflix. And then Netflix saw a profit increase. Yeah. And Netflix

quietly went, told you it. Yeah. And Netflix quietly went, told you it'd work. And then Disney Plus were like, hey, we like making money too. We're here to make money. We're here to provide some pretty good content. Vaughan Smith's going to love pretty much 99% of it. But we're also here to make some money.

Vaughan Smith loves his Disney Plus with all his Star Wars and his Marvel and his animated stuff and all the good stuff. He loves it. Well, apparently they've said that the, they announced saying that the password sharing is going to come to an end. Yep.

Anti-password sharing rules took effect on March 14. If broken, could result in restrictions or a ban from a service. Now they're going to take it further. And they said, say goodbye to the luxury of sharing your password as early as June 4th. That's real soon, actually. Because you're still allowed other profiles, right? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're allowed multiple profiles. Right. It's just if you're logged into, like, different houses and you've given them to your friends. Your mum, your dad, your friends. You're out of profiles. There must be some leniency with, like, devices. Yeah, because, like, if you're in a different city to your husband or wife who you share it with, right?

Exactly, and you've got the iPad or a laptop and you're watching some stuff on there, there must be a bit of leniency. But I mean, if you've got three TVs in your house signed in or two TVs in your house and then another one, you know, down the street sort of permanently signed in as well. Yeah. I like going to a, I don't know why I'm whispering.

Why are you whispering? I like going to a, I don't know why I'm whispering. Why are you whispering? I like going to like an Airbnb or like something like that and someone's left it locked in. Yeah. Oh my God, same. Though, have you ever had it before

where you've watched something and it's stuffed up the algorithm? Oh, I hate that. You know what I mean? Like if you've left yours on. I hate that you can't get rid of the continue watching. You start something and you're like, that really wasn't for me.

It sits on the continue watching. Because as it's Netflix, you can log in on a web browser and you can remove it. Yeah. So it's not always in your continue watching. And it also gets rid of that from your algorithm. Yeah.

As powering what you might want to watch because it's on the track. Yeah, because sometimes friends will come over and house sit and I'll say, do not. You can use my Netflix. You can use my Disney. Because yours is all just

in the TV. Yeah, it's all there. But like, use the guest account. I created a profile called guest or just log in yourself because I don't want to see your trashy TV shows coming up

ruining my algorithm. Near perfect algorithm. Or your perfect crime show algorithm. Because I love my crime, you know. I love my crime shows, my police procedurals. Yes, you love it. And I don't want to see some cooking show on a boat by a housewife or something.

Now, that's a show I'm watching. See, that's something. Real recipes from the housewives of the sea. Under the seven seas. Under the boat. Down under. Real pirate housewives. seas. Under the boat. Down under. Real pirate housewives. Mess hall edition. Bake Off.

Yes. I don't want to see those shows. The great desperate pirate Bake Off. Somebody gave Sade's dad's Airbnb not a great review. Oh, yeah. They left all their streaming services logged on. And they had a very specific what they were into. I went in and I was like this and I was

like time to tango with this and I watched like all of this weird stuff. Oh my god. Stopped it, fast forwarded it. That is so petty. So that next time they go in there it's going to be like I want to watch real pirate housewives of the seven seas back off.

Yeah and you're like man I wanted my father-in-law to get a good review on his house because we're both not getting what we want today. They criticised how low the couch was. That's right. I'm sorry that your knees aren't strong. Yeah. How low is the couch?

And they complained how far away the water was from the house. Like the sea. Bring it forward. I said, don't worry about it. Coastal erosion is bringing it closer all the time. My Reddit post caught my attention yesterday because I remember growing up as a kid, we used to go to the Thermal Hot Springs

just out of Mata Mata. Opal Thermal Resort. Do they have hot springs? Yeah, dude. My grandad loved it. And my nan never wanted to go. So when we went and stayed, he'd be like,

you kids want to go to the hot pools? And so we're all just like, yeah, hot pools, hot pools. And she'd be like, and so we'd go to the hot pools. But the rule was, there was one pool you weren't allowed

to put your head under in. Yes. I thought you weren't supposed to put it under any of them. No, because the other ones, just the water, the pipe went down into the ground and stayed in the pipe and came back up out of the ground. So it was just when the water passed through the very hot

surrounds of the pipe, it heated that. So those were chlorinated, but there was one, and it was like the thermal one. It was like, this one's got the good stuff in it. This is from the ground. This is from the ground. This is from the ground. This is hot water from the ground. Do not put your head under

because of Naegleria fowleri, which is a brain eating single celled amoeba that will go up your nose, lodge itself in your brain and eat your brain, eat your brain. Take it away. I was being really careful recently. I went to Kerosene Creek just out of Aotearoa, which is

incredible. It's so beautiful. And it's just a hot creek from hot springs, thermal, in the middle of the forest. And I was like, okay, obviously, you know, don't put your head under. But I went really close to the waterfall and then I was getting like splashes in my eyes and mouth

and I was like, ah! It's up the nose. I'm going to die, I'm going to die. Oh, is it only up the nose? It's up the nose.

But why not in the mouth? Does it not go up the... Some, you know... Just clip that up, I reckon. Clip that up, we'll save that for later.

What up in the mouth? Yep, we'll get that clipped up. You never know what up in the mouth. I'm asking a serious question here. You just never know when we're going to want to use that.

Because that goes straight down into the gut. That goes... And your guts would eat it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd be like, not today, brain-eating amoeba.

Yeah, but the nose straight to the brine us. Yeah. Okay. It lives between... It likes the hot water. That's why. It can't survive in warm water.

It needs a slightly hotter water so it lives in there. So this American posts on Reddit, dumb American just put his head under water at the geothermal pool. How dead am I? I'm visiting New Zealand this evening. I stopped by a geothermal spa. I was the only one there at closing and I dipped my head in a few times.

As I left, I saw a pretty small sign. Now in America, the sign would be the whole building. Yeah, because if you've been into buildings in America, it's like this building can give you cancer. Yeah. And you're like, what? What? So I've listened to a podcast about those signs.

Really? It's a Californian thing. Yes. I've never seen them. It's mostly in California and it's like anything in this building could be maybe give you cancer, but they have to put the warning up because if you get cancer and can prove that it was them, you can sue them.

Yeah, they're liable. Yeah, they're liable. Yeah, they're liable because they have to give you the warning and then you go into the building knowing full well that I saw it on the outside of Disneyland. I was like, happiest place? I was like, what? What? What's going on? Wow. Yeah, so he said they saw a pretty small sign

about the potential dangers of the amoeba in the water and now after Googling, I'm absolutely terrified. It seems like no one's died of Nagleria Fowleri in New Zealand since the year 2000. But someone did. Someone did. Apparently. So unlikely I'm next, right? No, I would say you're

more than likely. We're overdue for one. You said a few times as well and you went under. Yeah. I feel like would a a hot pool they're not chlorinated at all but would a hot pool be better than a, like if you're at a, like would a hot pool... Would you stop... They're not chlorinated at all, but would a hot pool be better than a... Like, if you're at, say, a spring in the middle of the forest? That's exactly the same water, right?

Still the same thing, yeah, right. It might go through a filter on the way through to stop the six in March. But it's not going to stop the amoeba. Are you ringing your family, you know? Are we getting things in order? Are we lining things up when we're doing this? We're waiting for these brain flesh eating.

I mean, you've got more chance, like, if you're being a tourist, of dying on New Zealand roads. Oh, yeah, that'll get you. You know, like, sadly, our roads are terrible. That's unexpected and it happens in the moment. This guy's just, I mean, he's sitting and waiting for it. Yeah, he's certainly helping himself. Yeah.

That's what I want to talk about. I was like, when did you think, because, you know, someone will eat something and they'll be like, oh no, I finished it and I found that I had half a cockroach in it or something. Now I wait. To become a cockroach. Yeah, yeah, yeah, to die.

Or become a cockroach. That would be one hell of a plot twist. Yeah. Eat a cockroach, become a cockroach. Yeah. Would you be the same size as you are now, but just a cockroach? You'd hope so. I wouldn't want to be Eat a cockroach, become a cockroach. Yeah. Would you be the same size as you are now, but just a cockroach? But a cockroach. You'd hope so. I wouldn't want to be a small cockroach.

No, I wouldn't want to be sort of stand-on-able. And I'd still want my human faculties. And my sense of humour. You'd be a talking cockroach. Yeah. Interesting. I'd be charming. But you'd be like, where's Vaughan gone? And then you'd take the cover off the barbecue and I'd be there and I'd be like, sorry guys, it was warm. What?

It was warm and it was waterproof. Yeah. We've got a bed inside. Yeah. It doesn't quite do it for me anymore. It doesn't quite do it for me anymore. I did this when I was a kid. We used to have this cupboard that me and my best friend would hang out. We must have been like nine, eight or nine. And we had the Spice Girls impulse.

I can smell it now. God, it was good. And we were spraying it in this little cupboard we would hang out in and I accidentally sprayed it into my mouth. And I remember being like, oh wow, like I'll die. Like guaranteed in my head. Spraying it in a closed cupboard, you weren't like, we're breathing too much of it,

we're getting lightheaded. It accidentally went in your mouth, you're like, well, that's it. Yeah. And then I went directly in my mouth and I burst into tears and we were so upset, me and it. Yeah. And then I went directly in my mouth and I burst into tears and we were so upset me and my best friend.

And so she grabbed the tin off me and sprayed it in her mouth and she said, we'll do it together. Isn't that nice? That's why she's still my best friend to this day.

And then what, so you're both in the cupboard waiting to die. We held each other waiting to die. Crying. Crying.

Like, oh my God, at least we'll go together and then eventually my mum was like are you two coming up for dinner or what we were like yeah I suppose so we were like all good

you didn't say to Patsy we're spreading the mouse we think we're gonna die no we didn't want to tell her we're getting in so much trouble that we've like you'd rather just die without getting in trouble

and she can find the two bodies and she can just deal with it yeah but I remember the feeling of us like holding each other waiting to die like wow this came a lot earlier than we thought. Thank you so much.

We've actually had a text message in from a Nagleria Fowleri. Oh, yeah. Okay. Thank you for listening to the show. Thank you. Single sound on me, but I didn't know we had a big pull in the audience. Good morning for a single sound. Not only are we up the nose, we're up the whas.

Oh, that's good as well. I mean, if you're going to be up the nose, you might as well be up the whas. You might as well be. Okay. Up everything. So we want to know, when were you waiting for death? When did you think it was inevitability when you sat and you were like, well, that's me, I guess.

I just wait for it now. Yeah, any time, any day now. And then it didn't come. And then it didn't come. Well, no, if you're calling into the show, I'd imagine it didn't come. Well, yeah, because if... But if you can't call into the show because you're a ghost...

Don't exclude us. We'd love to hear your stories. You send them to our brains directly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that how it works, is it? I believe so. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

An American on Reddit consulted New Zealanders about Nagleri Fowleri. It feels like a race car driver from Donaldson's. From Donaldson's dairy. Or it sounds like some kind of sci-fi character. Nagleri Fowleri, it's a brain-eating amoeba. Nagleri Fowleri sounds like a tri-boob, sexy, alien cyborg, you know? Yes.

From some kind of like sci-fi thing. Why does a cyborg have three boobs? Because it's like sci-fi. Oh my God, they have three boobs. Wow, I'm sorry. And also you know... You know your anatomy of your cyborgs. Also you know sci-fi nerds, an extra boob,

they're definitely in. I would have given her two extra boobs then. Four boobs? On top of each other. Stacked? Yeah, stacked. You've got to imagine the brow you'd need. I'm not going four boobs side to side.

Matt, the bottom ones are sagging. If you've got another set of boobs sitting on top of your boobs and gravity's already taken... It's a cyborg. Those bottom ones are down. The top ones are perked. Producer Jared agrees. Four boobs is weird.

Three is perfect. Three is perfect. You can't go odd number of boobs. It's like watching the TV on an odd volume. You can't do it unless it's a five. What are you doing? Fine, I'm going two boobs then. I'm not going four.

I'll go two. I'm going back to two boobs. You can't be two boobs. Okay. Four boobs. What about two on the front, two on the back? Okay, back boobs would be weird. Uncomfortable for the...

Now that you've done the actions, I'm seeing the positives. Sorry, Fletch. When you're hugging from front or back, you've got a handful of boots. You're getting pressed and a grip. It's fantastic, front and back. Anyway, the bra actually, you wouldn't even have to change the design of the bra too much to accommodate this. You just wear two bras. One bra, double-sided.

Yeah, the clasp is on the side. Yes, my dude. You can get under the pit. If you can only have four boobs. You're welcome. We've got you. We've patented the design of the four-boob bra. We'll take care of that.

When did you think you were going to die? An American visiting New Zealand posted on Reddit saying, hey guys, what's the deal with this brain-eating bacteria? Does anybody get it anymore? After putting their head underwater in a thermal pool. Somebody said they read a study about this once because you asked if it's worse to do it in a pool or like a creek. And they said the creek is far worse

because they live in the soils around the hot water. So there'd be more of them because they get stirred up. So if you put it in your mouth, you're probably dead. You have said some weird stuff lately. Your brain may be getting eaten by it. there'd be more of them because they get stirred up. So if you've got it in your mouth, you're probably dead. Okay. You have said some weird stuff lately. Your brain may be getting eaten by it. How long does it take for it to eat your brain? Magleria fowleri.

The right side of your face has been dripping as well. Slowly down. But like, when it went in my eyes and mouth. A type of meningitis. Right. When it went in my eyes and mouth, I was for the next day,

I was like, well, I guess this is it. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. That's what it's going to be. It's going to be in the next day. So we want to know from you this morning, when we rolled into the year 2000, I was convinced the Y2K bug was

going to wipe us all out. I was 10. I remember crying as it struck midnight, thinking this is the end. And then 10 minutes later, when nothing has happened, I was like, well, on with life. Oh my God. Jess, when did you think it was the end? Morning, team. I was a free-range rural child at the end of the 90s. Of course.

So myself and my younger sibling and friends, so two brothers who are our friends, we lived next door to a company who sells fertiliser and mulch and all sorts of products for farms. And so we used to go along on a Sunday while Dad was busy washing the trucks and we used to jump into the powderised lime bin. Oh my god! The rule

on the farm was always stay away from anything in a vat or a container or a silo because if you went in, you'd just sink. You'd just drown, yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Not a bin like that, like a big, like a rectangle just side where you can walk straight in where a loader would like go

okay so less of a not a silo less of a drowning more of a dust on the lungs death yeah yeah definitely lots of

inhalation but like waist deep in powderised lime fertiliser oh dear which I could imagine would be fun as a kid though

that would be fun yeah it's a really great texture it's very like velvety soft because I always see those big salt dunes.

Are they salt in Mount Maunganui? Yeah, by Black Park. And I'm always like, how cool would it be just to tumble down there? Why? You would. You'd go straight down and you wouldn't be able to do anything. We also used to climb up, not in operating, but climb up a conveyor belt and then jump off the top of the conveyor belt into the giant pile of compost.

So, you know, let those barotas as well. You should be dead. Yes, you should be dead. I'll be 34 this month. Hey! She's made it. You guys made it. She's made it.

But yeah, you would because you're riddled with cancer. Jess, so was there ever a moment where you were like, uh-oh? Yeah, I mean, we did it. We probably did it every weekend for like two to three years at the end of the 90s on the weekends because we had nothing better to do. And in hindsight, I was like, oh, that's slime. Okay. And then you learn about that in science.

You start high school and you do like scientific experiments and biology and all sorts. And I was like, oh, this is that stuff we've been playing with for the last two years. Oh, okay. Yeah, we're about to die, but you haven't, so... No, I'm good. Amazing.

As far as we know, Jess. That's what we need, a bit more bloody lime. Thanks, Jess. Lacey, when did you think it was the end? A few years ago, I contracted a disease called necrotising fasciitis. Flesh-eating bacteria? Yeah, flesh-eating bacteria. Oh, my God.

How do you get that? Well, the doctors think that it was from a toilet. So, yeah. Which one? I won't use it. You mean like a public toilet? Yeah. What were you doing on the toilet?

Did you not put down the toilets? You know how you make a little, like, cover with, like... Oh, nobody's got time. If you're using a public toilet, it's how you make a little like, cover with like, If you're using a public toilet it's because you are busting. In and out, in and out.

Right. Did you have an open, an open wound that it got in? What was the? Yeah, yeah, just a very small,

small cut and it got in there and being a stubborn male didn't get it checked out sort of a couple of weeks so I was like, ooh, something's not right here

and then a couple more weeks I was like, ooh, nah, something's really not right. How then a couple more weeks, I was like, ooh, no, something's really not right. How much was it eating your flesh before you were like, I guess I will go to the doctor today? Oh, I couldn't see it, so I didn't really know. But, yeah, it was about six weeks after I sort of started noticing

things weren't feeling good that I was like, all right, I better, yeah, yeah, men. Men. And then I went to the A&E and they like tapped on my skin and it sounded like wood and they didn't really say much. What? It sounded like wood? Yeah, it sounded like wood.

It was like, like hard. Dead. Yeah, and they didn't really say much but they were all sort of panicking and like, hey, we need to get you to hospital right now. Got to hospital within an hour or two. I was on an operating table. Woke up the next morning with doctors surrounding me like, hey, mate, this was about to go into your bloodstream.

You had no idea how lucky you are to be alive. Oh, my God. So rather than kind of waiting for death, it was snaking up on you all along. Yeah, yeah. It was six operations of waiting for death, it was snaking up on you all along. Yeah, yeah. It was six operations, one of them being on my birthday and two and a half years recovery. Two and a half years. How much did they take out?

Have you got a big chunk missing? A big chunk, yeah. Dude, wow. In a very sensitive area, that's all I'll say. So it was in your back? Yeah, yeah. Lower, lower, lower back. Low, low back.

Oh, my goodness. Where the thigh becomes the back. Oh, my God. Lucky to be alive. Yeah, very lucky. Oh, my gosh. And do you use public toilets now? No, never.

No. Of course not. I only use my own toilet. I'm on a very tight schedule nowadays. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. My dude, that's so crazy. I know it's only Tuesday. I'm on a very tight schedule nowadays. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, my dude. That's so crazy. I know it's only Tuesday.

Yeah, I want it too. I want it too. I think it's quarter of the week. Yeah. We're never going to beat that. Let's go. Let's go. Maybe it was all worth it.

Flesh-eating. Finally something out of it. Yeah. Hey, congratulations, a $50 McCafe voucher for you, Lacey. We'll sort that out for you. Oh, you're a legend, mate. Well done. At McCafe. Yeah, wow. What a story.'ll sort that out for you. Oh, you're a legend, mate. Well done.

At McCafe. Yeah, wow, what a story. We do have another story. It's not going to be that. Dana, good morning. Hi, good morning. First time caller, long time listener. You've got to say long time listener, first time caller.

Oh, I got it wrong. Long time listener, first time caller. Yay! Welcome, welcome, welcome. Sorry to be a stickler, Dana, but those are the rules. Born as a stickler. Now, when did you think it was over? So back in 2008, I was off on my OE and first stop was South America.

We were in Santiago. And one morning we'd checked out of the hostel, had a really like middle of the night, early morning flight. So out the door, locked out of the hostel, had a really like middle of the night, early morning flight. So out the door, locked out of the hostel, the days before cell phones. The taxi with pre-books just never showed up. So we're sort of standing on the dark streets of Santiago. It was like roaming dogs and just like no idea what to do. Couldn't find a pay phone, just didn't know what to do with ourselves.

And we saw this random man across the road in the building cleaning. And we were like, maybe he can call us a taxi. So we ran over and waved him down and sign-languaged our way through, kind of broken English, Spanish, help us get to the airport. And he's like, yes, yes. Then this car turned up, and we just hopped in. Great, off we go. Then sort of as we're driving through the scrub land that didn't look

recognisable to us, we're kind of thinking, this is not a taxi. There's no meter that we don't know who this man is. This random cleaner has just called us a car and it is taking us to the middle of nowhere. And we were just two girls with everything we owned in our backpacks and our passports. And nobody knew who we were, no cell phones, nothing. And we were like, this is it.

This is it. So we're just watching each other in the back of a taxi, not even a taxi. And I truly have never been so happy to see the bright lights of an airport. Like I just went, like it was about an hour of just thinking we were being driven to our deaths and then the airport appeared and it was just like.

Oh my God. You are every mother's nightmare. I know. Did you ever tell that story to your parents? No. No. You never would. No, you never would.

You never would. Dana, Dana, amazing. Thank you for your story. So many messages in. Couple quick text messages. You've got a couple quick. Quickie. I don't know which ones to pick.

There's so many. I think we do a little bit of pod. I think we take the leftovers to a little bit of pod. I'm actually scrolling through. Fletch, there's so many. I'll give you a couple. A few years ago I called my mum crazy. Yeah. Yeah, wait to die. And then I saw

her slowly turn her head with an eyebrow raised. I was like, this is it. One last breath before I die. Yeah. Accepting my fate. Alas, I live, but only just. I waited for death when the piwaka waka flew inside. Maori aunties were like, well, that's it.

You're done. You're toast. Oh, yeah, true. It's death. It's death. How foreboding. Death is coming for one of us. It might as well be you.

This is your house. We've got so many other ones, so we'll do a special podcast if you. Nice. Back to the Day next. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Today's Fact of the Day is TV week.

It's about TVs all week. Love it. And today's Fact of the Day about TVs is that we have liquid crystal displays. That's what LCD stands for. Liquid crystal displays. Thanks to an Austrian botanist called Friedrich who's studying carrots. He found out that cholesterol benazate from carrots when heated to 145

degrees Celsius melted and went into a cloudy fluid. Then at 179 degrees Celsius, it changed again to a completely clear liquid that would refract colours differently. And he was like, that's interesting. Okay. And it was through that study that

led to other people studying it and in 1960 James Ferguson and two colleagues from Westinghouse Electrical Corporation were like, we can put a film of these liquid crystals and change what we pump through them and it will give us a display. We can kind of say to it what we want it to display.

Right. So they don't use carrot juice. Yeah. But carrot juice was the first thing that they worked out could be used for liquid crystals as a display property. How bizarre. I always wonder how people just sort of discover these things. By mistake a lot of the times.

People like a side effect. Carrots. Because what was it that was, was it, they were trying to get people to quit smoking, and it was, oh no, it was heart medication that was Viagra. Yes. Because it was trying to open the blood vessels. And then all the medications are for other things.

Yes. The side effect. Well, like Ozempic wasn't even made for weight loss. No. It's a diabetes drug. For insulin. Do you know the lash serum that lots of women use to extend their lashes and fast grow their lashes?

That was like glaucoma medication for eyes and people putting their eyes in and being like, man, all my eyelashes are just growing and growing and growing. And then they're like, bottle that, women all bloody lap this up. I love that kind of accidental discovery. Well, today's fact of the day,

we could do an accidental discoveries week one week. Oh, that would be a great idea. That's a great idea. Next week, let's do that next week. Liquid crystal displays that we use now in a modern flat screen television. The first time someone discovered that they could be used for such a purpose was in 1888 while studying carrots. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today.

Shannon's been having a bit of a hotel rendezvous. She says she's been reunited with the boyfriend after how many months apart? About a month and a half, which is quite long for us. That's kind of the cat. But he's already gone again. It was a short rendezvous. Oh my gosh. Do you think he's got another half family

in a whole other city? Don't start messing with me. Don't start messing with me. He's a magician. He could totally be hiding them up his head. In his hat. In his hat.

He's probably in his hat. You have a wife and kids in there. What if I'm the hat? You're the hat. You'd be easier to put in a hat than a whole family wife and kids in there. What if I'm the hat? You're the hat. You'd be easier to put in a hat than a whole family. Than a whole family. Thank you.

I'm going to take that as a compliment. Classic magician. Staying in this hotel, something confronting. A woman will take that as a compliment. If one of you is going to fit in a hat, he'll be putting you in a hat. Well, I don't fit in the box.

Thank you so much. The box that he cuts. Anyway, doesn't matter. Does he cut people in half at his magic shows? Yes, he does. He doesn't tend to, but he has the box. They cut their... He owns one.

No, they tuck their legs up, right? Is that how they do that? There's different kinds of ones. There's all different kinds. We're getting off. We are getting off topic because you've been staying with your parents for a while. And so when he can finally see you, ooh, we're not staying at mum and dad's. We stay at a hotel. Yeah. So we obviously had FVH Live over the weekend. a while and so when he can finally see you, ooh, we're not staying at mum and dad's, we'll

stay at a hotel. Yeah. So we obviously had FVH Live over the weekend and I used a lot of hair products. We're talking mousses, hairsprays, volume powder. My hair by Sunday night was pretty rank. It was crispy and dry. And I was like, oh, get to the hotel. And they only had two in one shampoo and dry. And I was like, oh, get to the hotel. And they only had two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

Hayley screwing her nose up. Yeah. When I had hair, Vaughan, I used to use two-in-one. Did you use two-in-one? Because it was handy. Yeah, and now you don't have any hair. And now you don't have any hair. What does that say?

It made it fall out. I used two-in-one on my beard. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, but if my hair felt like your beard, I'd be pretty upset. Because it's kind of cubist, isn't it? Cubist. That's just a different sort of hair, though.

Okay. Out of everyone I know, I am by far the most high-maintenance hair girly. I use, every time I wash my hair, I counted it up, 10 products. How much is that costing you? If I probably totaled it up, obviously I'm not buying all of these heaps, probably a $200 hair routine, I would say. $200 is what, every month? No, no, no.

Like some of them last, you know, like serums and stuff last six months or whatever. Ah, gotcha. But very high maintenance hair, girly. I show up to a hotel with very needing maintenance hair. Only two in one. Now, because I use so many products, I don't want to just go buy some more shampoo

and conditioner for like one day. Yep. So I bravely took on last night. I gave it a day just to see. Last night I took on

the two in one shampoo. God, so brave of you. And my hair feels the exact same. I can't tell a difference. Oh, bullshit. What do they call it? The pink, no.

Pink tacks? Pink tacks. Yeah. Yeah, it's exactly the same stuff, right? I mean, they do, women do pay more for shavers and stuff, the pink tacks. Yeah, exactly. That's a thing. And like, I think, I know the products are a bit woo-woo, some of them, but my hair is

my pride and joy because it's still natural and I'm trying to keep it, I'm trying to stay natural blonde for as long as I can. I was born with pink hair. Do you know the brand of shampoo that's in the, or is it just kind of some nondescript hotel? Here's the worst part. You know like how in hotels they have them in like a bar of soap in a paper bag?

Yeah. The shampoo slash conditioner was in a bag, so I didn't even, I had to like squirt out of paper. Oh, yeah. And then it went all mushy in my hand, and it was on the floor. It was the most horrific experience. But that's the thing, you don't need all the expensive things.

You could just be using a two-in-one. Well, look, there are some products that are beneficial, but you definitely don't need 10 of them. I know. This is great that you're making this discovery. I mean, Cosy Livvy cries. You know, you can cut that down in half.

Maybe it's time for a declutter. But I love doing the girls' hair and I've got so many products that I'm like, oh, I don't use this. But when I do other people's hair, they'll love it.

Well, they can start chipping in for that. It must be nice to have hair. I mean, me and Carwen. It doesn't sound nice to have hair. It sounds expensive to have hair. It does. Yeah, I'm going to buzz mine off. It's saving all the money. I mean, me and Carwin. It doesn't sound nice to have hair. It sounds expensive to have hair. It does, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to buzz mine off.

That's saving all the money. I would actually love if you did buzz your hair right. I'm going to do it one time in my life. That is not the time now. It's not happening now. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through,

you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work.