ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 9th August 2024

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Ke$ha Rewrites  Final Rankings: Sexiest Automobiles  Hayley's Plug  What's the Most Dangerous thing that's bitten you?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod. Great things are brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Happy Friday.

Happy Friday. Happy to be here. Happy Friday. My mum keeps sending me videos from Italy. They're dancing in the street currently. And I believe my mum just knocked over an umbrella But I'm happy to be here My mum sent me a picture of some mud

And said, any of this up your way So our parents are living different lives They really are They really are Slightly different Slightly different lives Top six is coming up It sure is

It's the only thing I've prepared for the show today It better be good I wrote the top six last night After Fletch gave me the idea So I can't even take credit For the origins of idea You're welcome I wrote it

And then I think My wife said dinner's ready And I shut it And I didn't open it again And then I got to work And everyone was like Where'd you send your prep email

I was like I don't know And I opened my email I was like Apparently I didn't do one That's alright Well I don't know. And I opened my email and I was like, apparently I didn't do one. That's all right. Well, I don't know, man. Good thing you got a cute button nose.

I have a cute butt and a cute button nose. Good thing we're all here to pick up the slack is what I'll say. Top six lines for the re-record of the 2010 Kasia song TikTok because you'll be aware, she said, I wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. And now we're aware that P. Diddy is a P.O.S. P. Diddy's got cancelled and, I mean, Cash has been through her own situation with an abusive partner. Is she doing like a Taylor Swift and just re-recording all of her big songs? A re-record?

Yeah, because she had a very similar thing, right? Where she couldn't perform for ages. Because he was getting money off the songs, so yeah, maybe. So, wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy is gone. And you've got the top six changes. Okay. And I even summoned him to the next line as well. Wow.

Which traditionally was, grab my keys, I'm out the door, I'm going to hit the city. Yep. Let's go. You guys might need to do let's go. We can do let's go. I can do. That wasn't Kesha. Maybe you.

Okay. I'll lead. Fletch, you follow. I'll do a really off mic let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Like that. Okay, great. Also on the way, silly little pole, do you see alarms on the weekend? Or do you have an ounce of humanity? I just wake up like maybe an hour after I normally wake up and I'm like, I'm awake now. We'll get into the results soon for Silly Little Pole. Give you a chance as well to win $1,000 today

with our one golden song. We'll play that at 8 o'clock. Next, a lady burglar. A what? A lady burglar. We're feminists on the show. A burglarette has shared how she used to choose houses to burgle. She's a dirtbag.

Okay. Now, we were reading this before about a burglar who burgled houses. A lady burglar. And then we were like, she? And we all went, oh my gosh. And we had to check our feminism and realise that

women can be burglars. But if you saw this, if you walked into your home and even if she had like your TV under her arm and your cherished possessions, you'd be like, oh my God, are you okay?

You lost. Like, hang on. One of you seen her? Her last name's Gomez. Well, I'm on board. She does not look like a burglar. Rob me babe. She is gorgeous.

She looks like a mixture between like Liam Michelle and oh god I don't know she's hot. She's beautiful. She's a very beautiful woman. And she's a lady burglar. She's a lady burglar who burgled to the point of spending 10 years in prison. She's been in prison. She doesn't even look like she is old enough to have burgled and then done 10 years in prison.

I know. Her name's Jen Jen. Jen Jen Gomez. Okay. Spent 10 years in prison for all of her criminal activities. Since then, she's turned her life around and she now shares tips and advice on how to protect your home against getting robbed, basically. Okay.

And she does so by, so she called herself a cat burglar. Now, what defines being a robber or a cat burglar? Cat burglars are sneaky, right? They get in and out. They're not there to like, they're not there to like,

trash the place. Put a gun at your head and be like, shut up. Flip your drawer upside down and like, they just go in. They know that you've got some valuables. Oh, okay. So a burglar is anyone who illegally enters a restricted building without authorization.

A cat burglar may or may not enter a building illegally. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. They do have to intent to steal but make every attempt to go undetected. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sneaky-weaky. Sneaky. Sneaky. Sneaky. Okay, so she made a little mental checklist when she would be choosing the houses that she was going to burgle.

So these are kind of tips if you're, I guess, you don't want to be burgled. And also like going away for like holidays. People go away. One thing she used to do, hang on, that was at the bottom. She used to wear the wrong size shoe, tie up her hair and wear scrubs. So like the footprints, if they were trying to find, you'd never find any of her hair and it would be like, oh, okay, it's a US men's 11 or something. Yeah, yeah. And she's an eight. Yeah. And she'd

be just like stuffing the toes. Clever. Now we're not obviously using these tips to encourage burgling. No. We're using them to help you realise what they're looking for. Okay. The first thing would be the weather. You should never burgle on a sunny day because it would indicate that people would be outside their houses later. Oh, yeah. And be, like, enjoying the pleasant weather. Well, rain was optimal.

Best to burgle. I always remember someone saying it was cars getting broken into. It was windy and rainy. Yeah. Because it muffled the noise of, like, smashing a back window. It muffled the noises. And she said back window. Muffled the noises and she said if you ever got caught they're not going to chase you. They're not going to come outside

and be like what's happening and go for a good look around the grounds. Yeah because it's raining. You could just stand at the door and be like I don't see anyone. Oh wow. So she was like better to hide. Okay. Okay the time she would target homes,

she would choose her time to minimise the risk of people being in the house. So she'd wake up about five o'clock in the morning and get ready, start getting things in order, excuse me, because people would be heading off to work at around seven and she'd go straight then because you're less likely to be popping home for lunch or like popping home at the end of the day. So she said prime time,

8 till 11am. Really? Okay. So she's not a middle of the night robber. Okay, security system, she looked for those visible security systems. She would say if she saw a security system rather than deter her, it was a sign that there was

valuable possessions inside So like challenge accepted If they have an alarm it's like they've got something in their house they want to protect and I want to steal it. Oh my god Yeah. Pets same you think they're having a sign saying you know dog

on property or something would deter a burglar but no it told her that if you had motion sensor alarm systems, they were most likely off because you've got a pet. Oh, yeah. But then some of the systems now are so smart. Like you can... Our security camera tells us what it's seen. A vehicle, a person, a pet.

Yeah. Fancy. If you've got it on your door, it can say new parcel delivered because it can just see like something there that wasn't there before. And even like cats or small animals, you can blank out an area that cats can walk in and anything above a cat height would be detected. So if you're going to burgle, you just snake around the floor.

Well, she's a cat burglar. She's a cat burglar. She's a cat burglar. She'd get low. She'd get down and low. We're still talking about Gingem. It's getting down and low. So she would talking about Jean Jane Gomez getting down and low. So she would also look

at location in terms of not just like where's nice communities. Yeah. But somewhere where there was like good landscaping and shrubbery

that she could hide in. So the actual location of your house, like how could I get out? Yeah. Where's my path out? If I'm running, where am I going to?

Is there somewhere for me to run or am I going to be running down a highway forever? Yeah, right. So those are the things she looked for. Isn't that crazy? I don't know how this beautiful young woman,

with too much lip filler, got into... There's a bit of that. There's too much. She's taking it too far. Okay. I don't know how she got into a life of crime. Yeah.

Ten years in prison. Bad. But those are the things she's looking out for. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole today Do you set alarms on the weekend? Somebody text messaged in Not so much set alarms

More forget to turn them off I hate you No, you and you This is what Sade does I know And then somehow still on Sunday Her alarm goes off at quarter to seven. And I'm like, how is this happening?

Give me your phone. Change it. You set it for weekday and then week. And somehow it keeps coming back. It's happened more than once. Oh, it sounds like she needs to delete the whole schedule. I'll say it. It sounds like Grant's for divorce.

It sounds like I need to delete her. It sounds like Grant. You do need to delete her. If it ever happens again. No way. I don't see it. Unless I'm flying somewhere. Yeah. If you've got to get up for something. I've got to get up for something. If it ever happens again. No way. I don't see it. Unless I'm flying somewhere. Yeah.

If you've got to get up for something. I've got to get up for something. We're talking everyday alarms. Yeah. If we've got a day at home. Well, a sleep expert has said that you're meant to maintain a regular sleeping pattern on the weekend. Shut up.

We'll just find a sleep expert that disagrees with that. That's what you can do nowadays. You just find an expert that agrees with your opinion. Because it puts your sleep cycles out. I don what you can do nowadays. You just find an expert that agrees with your opinion. Because it puts your sleep cycles out. I don't give two shits. Okay, my alarm goes off at 4.15 and that's 15 minutes later

than it used to go off. No way. I would be lucky. Sleep expert says we should ditch the alarm. Found one. You found one. So easy.

Dr. Hannah Patel. That's a doctor's name. Sleep expert says you don't really need that much sleep. Alarm-free mornings might be best for your sleep overall. Because you're in sleep debt. And you've got to catch it up on the weekends. Yeah, I'm in sleep debt. As long as it doesn't screw you up on Sunday night like it does to me every single weekend.

But then if you get enough sleep during the week, you won't need to sleep in at the weekends. Turn his microphone off. He's done here. I'll be lucky if I ever sleep in past six o'clock at the weekends. I can still do it. I can still do it. I always got to stay up late on Friday night. Otherwise, Saturday morning is like five o'clock.

That's horrible. Also, look at the cat. Like six o'clock, he's just whining. He's like, feed me. Why are you not locking your animals outside? Because it's his house and we're just renting it from him. No, this is ridiculous. So little Paul, do you set alarms on the weekend?

31% of people said yes, but a lovely, nice 69% said no. Nice. Nice. That's nice. Ben, I recently found that I was sleeping for 10 to 12 hours on the weekend without an alarm. So now I set one for 11 a.m. Can still ignore it if I need more sleep, but at least it gives me a chance. 11 a.m.

What does Ben do? The day is over. What do you mean you used to sleep in, so now you set it for 11? So does that mean you were sleeping past lunch? Ben's not a 17-year-old boy. Oh, my God. Remember those school holidays? Yeah.

You used to just, like, wake up and be like, what time is it? It was, like, one o'clock. Go and eat a loaf of bread. Good times. Two-minute noodles. Two-minute noodles and then stay up till three. Ben's an adventure boy.

I'm looking at Ben's Instagram. He's not 17-year-old. He's a Kiwi boy living and working in Australia. Right. He's lots of worldly picks. 11. That's so late. What time is he saying up? Must be saying up late until like three or four.

Yeah. We're actually not here to judge. You can work your own schedule. If you're out until three or four. If you want to sleep the day away. Yeah. You know. If you want to waste your life. If you want to miss the market. Wow, that's such a mum or a dad thing to say. Well, you've wasted half the day. We've already been up and we've had half a day. We've had breakfast. You've missed the best part of the day.

I used to wake up at my grandparents at 8.30 on a weekend and my grandfather would say to me, you've missed the best part of the day. What, the dark? Yeah, yeah, the sunrise. The night? The quiet part of the day. The end of the night? Carlina says, yes, I unfortunately have to set an alarm for kids' sports.

Well, you know. Two more weeks of... Your fault. Two more weeks of Saturday netball and then we're done. Really? Yeah. And then summer sports? I don't like to encourage my children to be active over summer.

Nah. Get on those iPads. On a bad day, you really want them to play, like, team sports and stuff, but at the same time, you do not want your weekends gone in summer. I realise I'm a bad parent when it comes to, like, a little bit of selfishness on the weekends. Yeah. I'm so selfish, I just didn't have them.

Do you know what I mean? We don't talk about being a selfish parent. I'm the most kind of selfish parent there is. Yeah. So selfish you couldn't even be with a parent.

So selfish I just went, nah. You've got a couple of margarita babies. Yeah, got a couple. Yeah. What's a margarita baby? They're just out there

living their lives. They're margaritas and you drink them for them. Yeah. What do you think a margarita baby is? You lovingly craft them and grow them and nurture them. You bring it into this world in a blender.

You bring them to life. Yeah. And then you drink them. And then you drink them. Straight down. Mummy loves you. Kylie says, no need to set alarms when you have small children. That's true.

What you need to do, Kylie, is what I did when my kids got to an age where they were capable Of turning on the television On Friday nights And Saturday nights I'd make them a packed lunch And I'd say When you wake up in the morning

Lunch is in the fridge And they'd just like Have sandwiches and jam And stuff for breakfast And how cool was Saturday cartoons They just Loved it

Yeah But you know what They don't even really show Cartoons on Saturday anymore Don't they No because It's just what YouTube is Oh my god TV raised, man.

It did. It did a lot of heavy lifting in the 80s and 90s. It shows. I've done well. Abigail, I have six-month-old twins. I'm assuming I'm never, ever going to need an alarm ever again. No. Oh, Abigail.

Because you'll be setting alarms for midnight later being like, where is she? Where are they? Why aren't they home? She said she was on that bus. Sarah said, I have a weekend alarm because I have to walk my dog every morning. That's another thing. People are like, oh, my dog will freak out if I don't walk it before seven or whatever.

It's like, no, that's because you've made it freak out if you don't. Sometimes I pretend my dog's invisible for the entire day just so. They know who's boss. Yeah, yeah, totally. Oh, I'm absolutely the alpha male. Yeah, right. They'll ignore everybody and I'll just look at them and they'll be like, oh God, I'm so sorry.

I'm like, yeah, I thought so. I thought you were. Damesh says, it is very sexual. Can you ignore me for the rest of the show just so I know who's boss? And then I'm going to look at you and I'm going to tilt my head. Yeah, there it is.

Hi, Dad. Hello. Okay, now you have to give going to tilt my head. Yeah, there it is. Hi there. Hello. Now you have to give her a biscuit. Oh no, there's no biscuits. No bickies. No bickies. Here comes the look. Dumbish says,

that was, I'm very uncomfortable now. That got a bit weird. What happened? Dumbish places the baby people to see. Gotta have that alarm to get me up. Chris, I'm a small child without a singlet.

It's cold. But he wakes up because it's a habit and I'm always cold. He's a cold small child. Oh, you're a cold baby boy. Put on a merino singlet. Yeah, get a little sleep in a merino. Yeah. You little baby boy. Put on a merino singlet. Yeah, get a little sleep in a merino. Yeah.

You little baby. Laura says, only Saturday to make sure I kick ass at Les Mills. Oh, you're good. I don't go to the gym. Sundays, no gym and the wine has probably kicked my ass as well. Yeah. Yeah, we'll just laugh about it. Balance there.

That's perfect. We can balance. My dumb brain wakes me up. This is Meredith. Charlotte. Yes. Just for Saturday Meredith. Charlotte, yes. Just for Saturdays, otherwise I'd sleep until 12 and not get anything done.

I'm a teenager trapped in an adult's body. Probably needs a singlet as well. Ira can get a singlet on that cold child. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Haley. The 2024

Quatrainier Ancient Greek Sporting and Athletics Competition. So day 13. I guess that's over now? Wrapping up now? Yeah.

That's an amazing stat. Where did you fight? Shannon's just hit us with the most amazing per capita stat. Because we feel like we should be high. Shannon's done maths. Shannon, I didn't know. We we feel like we should be high. You did the maths? Shannon's done maths? Shannon, I didn't know. We might need to double check this now.

No offence, but I didn't think maths would be you. Top of statistics at Howard College 2016. That's East Auckland. That was mine. Yeah, I just used

my calculator. So, Dominica has a population of 67,000. So, I took our population. Population. English, not her. Yeah.

Divided that by 67, and then that gave us the number we need, which is 72.0 something. That's wild. 79.2, sorry. They've got one gold, right? One gold. So we need that many medals.

So they've got one gold per 67,000. Okay, that math checks out. So we would need 79.2 gold medals to win the per capita table. Yeah, so we're number five on the per capita table and we've got the most medals. To be honest, it's been in Olympics, I think some of the smaller countries

and some of the developing countries. Did you see Indonesia winning gold for the speed climbing? Oh, my God. The speed climbing is in... By 0.002. We had a guy in there. I didn't know speed climbing was even happening. That is insane, that sport.

Hey, spider-bloody man. I love it. I love it, yeah. I'm loving seeing the small nations and the developing nations winning medals, and some of them, for the first time in Olympic history, they're taking home medals. That's awesome. We can be...

I mean, not us personally, because we've done nothing to win an Olympic medal, but're taking home medals. That's awesome. We can be, I mean, not us personally, because we've done nothing to win an Olympic medal, but New Zealand is number 12 on the table. Yeah, dude. Of the entire world. That is insane. So overnight, we won bronze in the sailing, mixed, for Erica Dawson and Mika Wilkinson.

That was bronze. Then we won gold in the women's team canoe sprint, led by none other than Dame Lisa Carrington. Gold. She's just amazing. Gold. And then we won another gold for Elise Andrews in the cycling. I mean, we're so good.

We're good at sport, eh? We're doing real good. Just goes to show you, negging and bullying, sometimes it pays off. That's the trick, isn't it? Treat them mean, keep them keen. You're not going to be any good. You're not going to be any good.

You can't achieve anything. You suck, you know. And now look at them. Too big for your boots. They've proven everybody wrong. So what's our telly? So 12th on the table, five gold, six silver and two bronze.

13 all up. We are behind Canada, Germany, Netherlands, Italy, Japan, the Republic of Korea, the good Korea, Great Britain, France, Australia, United States and China. Pipping the USA by one gold medal. I mean, we're just a little country. Yeah, we're a little country. We're a little country. And doing really well. Oh, go us.

Oh, that's nice. Do you guys know we're surrounded by water and some countries touch? Yeah, it is. So we didn't know that. Some countries do touch. Some countries touch other countries. It's remarkable.

No wonder there's wars. Everybody's all like, we'll have a bit of that. You're like, where's the line? Yeah, there's a definitive line, isn't there? Off the line. Do we have, what are our other chances? Is there more, I don't know what's on the schedule for today. More rowing. Canoeing or anything?

More rowing. More rowing, okay. Sorry, canoeing, because they face forward, eh? Canoeing, yeah. Olympics, day whatever. There we go. Nah. Yep. Sweet. Metal hopes on day 13. Bit of cycling to come as well.

Because did you, when you said we won medals, you said about the cycling medal? Yeah. Okay, cool. Elise. I don't have much more to add then. Okay. Did you see Eliza McCartney said, can she come back, man? She's like, give me four years.

Because she wasn't happy. Well, not happy. Right. We're very proud of her. She made it to the finals. But we're three of our pole vaulters. She's like, I want to have. Because she wasn't happy. Well, not happy. Right. We're very proud of her. She made it to the finals, but we're three of our pole vaulters. Is she our smiliest Olympian?

Yeah. I think we should give her an award for the smiliest Olympian. Yeah, maybe. Always smiling. I don't know if giving a woman an award for smiling

is great when she's in the Olympic. I just thought if she didn't get a medal, it might be quite nice to give her something. I think just like, kudos, we're proud of you.

You made it. You represented us well. I think she needs your smiling award. Well proud of you. You made it, you represented us well. I think she needs your smiling award. Well, no, I'm not telling her to smile more. It feels like you're

saying give us a smile. I know, because I'm not saying that. I'm almost saying knock off that grin. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Top six new lines for the re-record of Cash's TikTok. The song from 2019. Yeah, so to celebrate the 15-year anniversary, she'll re-record the single and the line about P. Diddy. That will go.

She's been locked in that years-long legal battle because of the whole Dr. Luke thing. She's only just won the right to record her first single as an independent artist. Jesus. July? Like, it's insane. It's not right.

No. I really hope she changes the line, I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack. No, that must stay. Do you know what I mean? Because that made me think that she was stinky. Yeah. Imagine dipping your toothbrush into a bottle of Jack Daniels

and then thinking that that's adequate oral hygiene. Brush your teeth, then have a little shot of Jack if you're going to have one before you leave. We could mouth rinse with Jack. Well, apparently one out of ten dentists have said that Jack is okay. One out of ten. That's the one that they can't agree on Colgate. Ten percent of dentists

agree that Apollo Jack is all good. Yeah. Right. Well, Fletch suggested this and his suggestion was wake up in the morning feeling like a diddle. He was just getting you started. It was a thought starter That you were welcome to use Okay Here are the top six

New lines for the re-record Okay With musical accompaniment That I have to No not yet No Straight away You saw him point

No You saw him point I hadn't even said number six on the list Okay Okay start it I'll point at you when it's time to start it What are you doing? I'm gonna mix

Stop it I'm mixing Stop it I can't do it If you're gonna stop You're gonna start afresh I'll point at you when it's time to start it. What are you doing? I'm going to mix. Well, stop it. I'm mixing. Stop it. I can't do it. If you're going to stop, you're going to start afresh. I'm mixing. It's raw. You've got to go raw because she starts immediately.

Wake. No, that was no good from you. I'm sorry. Can you guys get in sync, please? I'm not very good at this. Number six on the list. Wake up in the morning, squeeze in on my titty, and pinch the nip to start the day.

I'm going to hit this city. Wow, that's so rude. What? They're not all rude, are they? I had boobs. I'd play with them every morning when I worked. This is what. Are we talking about this later?

No. I told you guys I had sore nipples. And your first sentence to me was jump in bed and have a play with those. Yeah. I said they were sore. I think you said sensitive before you said sore. Oh, I did say. I did say.

Okay. All right. Are you ready? Number five. No, wait. I'm going to stop it. Yep. Okay.

Number five on the list of the top six new lines for the re-record of Cash's TikTok. Wake up in the morning feeling sharp and witty. This won't last long. Soon I'll be in a shitty. Yeah, that was good. That was good. This next one's just for girl power aligners. The number four on the list.

The top six new lines to the record of Cash's TikTok. Wake up in the morning feeling kind and pretty. Grab my smartphone out the door. I'm going to own this city. Bit of girl power there with owning the city. God, you sounded so white and Kiwi then. Yeah. What did you say?

Smart and pretty. Smart and pretty. Wow. Feeling kind and pretty. Okay. Grab my smartphone. Right. Number three on the list of the top six new lines for the re-record of Cash's TikTok.

Wake up in the morning and my teeth are gritty. Better brush them because I've got the dentist at 10.30. Not enough syllables in that one. And 30 and gritty Loose rhyme there I don't know if she's going to use any of these To the inspawn Number two on the list of the top six new lines To the re-record of Cash's TikTok

Wake up in the morning To the meow of a kitty I hate you cat Now I've woken up and been shitty That's good Who left the cannon Meow of a kitty. I hate you, cat. Now I've woken up and been shitty. That's good. That's good. Who left the cannon?

Wake up in the morning to the meow of a kitty. That's real good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it here. Number one on the list of the top six new lines of the re-record of Cash's TikTok. Wake up in the morning, I make you short of 50. My back's sore and my knees hurt and I somehow have a zitty. A zitty!

That one felt personal for you. I feel like maybe you should have done this top six, being the musical one, Hayley. I am watching and learning. Watch and learn. Wow, okay. And I am loving. Watch and learn. Well, it's done now, it's over.

That's today's top six. Was that so? Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Wow. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley have an Instagram chat where all we do, it's called FVH on the gram. Yeah.

And all we do is just send reels. We've got chats all over the show, but this one is real exclusive. And I shared a chat yesterday saying, oh my god! And it was a video of the England rugby team turning up to the Les Mills Auckland City, which is the Les Mills that Fletch and I attend. Well, it's just, we can literally, over the road there, see it. Yeah.

And I said, oh my god, this is happening. Mum is coming down. Because I train upstairs in the women's only gym. I don't go to the mixed gym. Now I got so excited. I just don't get it. What do you mean you don't get? What? Why wouldn't you provide yourself a cardiovascular

workout with a pleasurable vista? Oh! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's some pleasurable vistas upstairs. I don't know, it's less it's just smaller and there's less people. I don't like it. I don't know. It's a little safe's just smaller and there's less people. I don't like it. I've just, I don't know. It's a little safe.

Do women go to the downstairs part? Yeah, heaps. Oh, okay. Yeah. But I don't know. It's just where I go. But I was like, I'm coming downstairs. And then I was like, right, put the gym gear together.

So you weren't going to gym today? No. Okay. It's Friday. It's Friday, yeah. Yeah. That's madness. It's psychotic.

I'm not going to gym on a Friday. Yeah. So I packed my bag and I was like, these are nice leggings. I don't have scrunch bum leggings, but I was like, these make my butt look the best. I'm going to get me some of them scrunch bum leggings. You don't know how I feel about these scrunch bum leggings. I don't know about them on you. I saw someone in them and I was like,

it just looks like a puckered arsehole on the back. It literally looks like a puckered arsehole. Why is everybody trying to look like they've got a puckered arsehole? No back It literally looks Puck it arsehole Why is everybody Trying to look like They've got a Puck it arsehole No it lifts It doesn't actually It's the wonder broth illusion

Are they the ones That Lululemon said They're stopping making Lululemon's never made them They never made them Or they said They're stopping making Some kind of legging

Does A-Lo make them I don't know Is it a house A-Lo Like influencer Brands on Instagram We should actually do A little poll on these Pered arsehole leggings.

Scrunch bum leggings. Sorry, scrunch bum leggings. It's the wonder bra of the bum, right? But it doesn't actually lift. It's an illusion. By creating that pucker at the top, it makes it look like you've got that roundness at the top. Are you trying to get in the way of my imagination?

Why don't you just do some bloody hip thrusts and get a nice juicy tush? It's like a magic eye on your ass. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to look at it for ages and go cross-eyed. You don't have to look at it. When you're on the Stairmaster and you go cross-eyed, you stand right

behind them and you're like, and then there's me and I'm like, I never can see it. I can't see it. I'm trying to just go softly cross-eyed. Never been able to do magic eyes. You know, I put on my cutest little leggings and like nice socks and a little like kind of croppy

tight t-shirt that's been making me look cute and lifted and I was like, here we go. Like, this is going to be cute. I'll put my hair up cute. I'll put a little bit of makeup on and I'll come down and I'm strong, man. I'll just get on that bar. And that's when I said, Hayley, the All Blacks this weekend are playing Argentina.

In Argentina. No, they're playing here. Oh. I thought it was in Argentina. They're playing here? I thought it was in Argentina. Oh, maybe it is. Is it?

Okay. Well, I was like, no, the All Blacks have already. Huge sports fans. They're already playing. Are you tomorrow 7.05? Correct. So is it here Or is it just It must be

Okay Is it Or it's an afternoon game Yeah Oh Christ I'm at Eden Park tonight I could leave them a little treat I guess we'll never know

I guess we'll never know Eden Park Eden Park So okay So then that's when I said No no you must be wrong The England Unless the English rugby team Are playing the All Blacks next

No we're not We're playing them We've already played them Yeah So what happened was I was on reels This popped up I sent it off rugby team are playing the All Blacks next? No, we're not. We've already played them. Yeah. So what happened was I was on reels, this popped up. I sent it off too quick, packed the bag without checking the date. It was like literally ages ago.

So, missed them. Now I'm like, well, I've packed my bag, I guess I've got to go to the gym. Yeah, but what about the Argentinian rugby team could be there? They've got to be somewhere. Let me just look them up on Instagram. Dude, are you kidding me?

Because the English team are sexy. Hang on, what is it? It's at the Caketon. Apparently it's at the Caketon. It's at the Caketon. Yeah. Argentinian. I don't like calling it that. Someone's paying thousands of dollars a year for the sponsorship.

No, Sky Caketon. Sky Stadium. Sky Stadium Caketon. Argentinian rugby. Oh, well. No, so they're not going to be at the gym. Looks like I'm booking a flight to Wellington. Air New Zealand.

Do you want us to wait? How much do you reckon it'll be? You might, would you consider flying Jetstar? What a trade-off. I haven't flown Jetstar,star But How hot's this team Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah And we started talking about snowmobiles because you've been taken off. No. What?

Have you been taken off by the snowmobile? I think how we got onto it was we were talking about boats. Yes. And how sexy those wooden, like vintage open top speed boats are. Yeah. How cool they are. Especially when they're driving it. And I've got to say it, no life jacket, one hand. Sunglasses, open shirt. Yeah. fanging it across a flat lake.

Now, win a win lotto on Saturday night, and I buy that lakeside property in Wanaka that we were all looking at yesterday. Gorgeous. You're all welcome to come and stay, one week at a time. What do you mean come and stay? Cut us off a cube. Oh, you're not getting a cube of my beautiful lakeside Wanaka property? There's plenty.

Then you can view and read about it at oneroof.co.nz. There's plenty for Fletch and I to have. What do you want, like an acre? Oh, yeah, what do you want an acre for? Get out of here. Just give us an acre each. Scoot. Away from your acre.

Scoot. Scoot. We've all got an agreement. If we win the big lotto, we're going to give it. He's just going to leave and we're never going to see him again. He's never going to pay us. He's predicted it. Oh, no, I'll pay you.

I'll stick to my bargain. But that's your ta-ta money. And then he disappears. So you're buying out the friendship. Yeah. So when I buy that lakeside property, I'm going to have one of those wooden lake boats I've decided. And then in winter, will you have a snowmobile?

Yes, of course I will. Great. But you know one thing I will never have? A jet ski. Friends. That's so embarrassing. A jet ski. That's embarrassing.

Well, that's one way to certify that you never have friends is you have a jet ski. Friends. That's so embarrassing. A jet ski. That's embarrassing. Well, that's one way to certify that you never have friends is you have a jet ski. How embarrassing. Now, we've got to think about all sorts because there's Vespas, you know,

there's e-scooters, there's segways. There's camels. There's camels. Are we only doing motorised rides? Yeah, let's not do animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, motorised. Horse is hot.

Horse is hot. Where does Horny Balloon fit into this? Nah. Okay, you don't ride that. I mean, you do. You take it. You take, oh, right. You could put it on your list if you wanted.

Gondola? Nah. Nah. Okay. That's public. That's not controlled by you. You've got to be in control of this vehicle. Okay, because I was going to put

Vinicula as number three. Yeah. What about cable car? No, it's not yours. Unless it's your cable car to get to your house in Wellington. Well, I was back in Eastbourne last weekend. Everyone's got a cable car up in the hills. Everyone's got a cable car on the top bits.

Yeah. I don't know if I trust my own cable car. It's not sexy, though. I've got to say, it's got to be like old, like, you know, Jason Momoa did on The Roam, the whole series on HBO about vintage motorcycles. And when I, boy, oh, boy, when I see the man upon a motorcycle, a whole series on HBO about vintage motorcycles. And when I, boy, oh, boy, when I see that man upon a motorcycle,

but I would never want to be with someone who was a motorcycle driver, and I've never been on a motorcycle in North Shalala because they're so terrifying and dangerous. But when I see it. Wow. So she's not going to. Sexy vintage like Harley Davidsons or Indian motorbikes. Those were rad. Yes. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to... Sexy vintage like Harley Davidsons or Indian motorbikes. Those were rad. Yes.

Okay, I'm going to go number one, sexy vintage Harley Davidson. Okay. Number two, Italian open shirt, sunglasses on with a Prosecco in hand, driving a speedboat. What a speedboat. Flat stick. That's my number one. Yeah, yeah.

And then number three, I'm going to go skateboard. Something about when I see a man on a skateboard. Really? Yeah, like an older man. I'm like, it's about when I see a man on a skateboard really like an older man I'm like still cool like a 50 year old man

with dreads yeah like silver fox like kinda cool yeah yeah skateboard what's he wearing in his no no no

not skatey clothes like loose linen clothes that like look simple but you know were like 500 a shirt and he's on a skateboard

And he's a 50 year old skater I don't think that's a thing He's in boat shoes? Yeah he's in boat shoes What has he got straight off that boat That just went flat Tackling across Lake Como And onto a skateboard

And he's just looking He's got the wind in his hair Hey this is my pick I'm gonna go the Italian wooden speedboat Yeah Snowmobile Yeah And my third one I'm going to go the Italian wooden speedboat. Yeah. Snowmobile. Yeah. And my third one I'm stuck on.

Yeah. Rocking horse. I would go snowmobile. Yeah. Number one. Is that your number one? Snowmobile's number one. Not at all.

Snowmobile's cool. Like cool. Gotta be one of the Italian speedboats. Oh, tank. Is number three for me. Tank. Tank rules. Snowmobile's cool. Like, cool. Gotta be a word of Italian speedboat. Oh, tank is number three for me. Tank rules. Tank's hot. Yeah.

Unless he's going into, you know, kill a bunch of innocent people. Yeah, he might be a bit cuckoo. In a tank? What if he's a bit cuckoo?

Well, I'm driving the tank. Bulldozer. Oh, but what about diggers? Oh, shit. We didn't even think about diggers.

Oh, we didn't even think about diggers. Oh, yeah, because forklift. Oh, we forgot about forklift was mentioned. Even in the planning stages, skateboard was mentioned. Oh, a skateboard's been bumped. Skateboard got bumped.

Forklift. Forklift. You'd bump skateboard for forklift. Yeah. Yeah, because what if he's in a tight warehouse and he's getting things down and out and you're just like, how is this master? One hand.

Yeah. He's not even really. Siggy? Oh, yeah, Dari. Sig, Dari. But he's ripped, but he's chucked his high-vis over his muscles. Yeah. He's not even really. Siggy? Oh, yeah, Dari. Sig, Dari. But he's ripped, but he's chucked his high-vis over his muscles. Yeah. He doesn't need it.

He's alerting you to the fact that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tight tish. Watch out. Tight tish. Yeah. I'm ripped. Okay, right.

Motorcycle. I do a long lift. Italian speedboat. Forklift. Snowmobile. Forklift. Italian open top speedboat. I think Italian open-top speedboat wins.

Don't give me a tinny or a fiberglass Heinz Hunter. It needs to be wooden and it needs to be sparkling. Sparkling. And also shiny. Are the bad guys shooting at you as well while they're chasing? Yeah, like that. Like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like that. White T-shirt. Yeah, absolutely redundant windscreen. How's it clean? You've always got to be standing when you're fanging it across the lake. Oh, my God, yeah, we're fanging it. And a little Italian flag out the back. We'll go for a fang.

Oh, Jared has said hovercraft. How embarrassing. Have we considered hovercraft? Oh, yeah, no. It's a no from me. So embarrassing. Swamp boat. I've been on a swamp boat. They are pretty fun. They're not sexy

though. No, they're not sexy. And then that single wheel thing. Single wheel segway. Oh no, those are... And they're like all erect and they're like lean like that to move. That's the biggest contraceptive device I've ever seen in my life. Oh my God, sorry.

Yeah. It's an inverted... Yeah, it's awful. Yeah, yeah. It'll actually seal it up, won't it? So Italian speedboat's number one for sure. And number one, yeah. I mean, snowmobile for me would be in my top five, so...

Okay. Yeah, that's another two. Forklift. 14 past seven. Hayley has a surprise for us next, but Vaughan and I don't know what's on the show next. Yeah, look, don's another two. 14 past seven. Hayley has a surprise for us next, but Vaughan and I don't know what's on the show next. Yeah, look, don't be concerned. No one's coming into the studio, you know.

So I don't need to give you a heads up. No, it's not payback at all. It's not payback at all. It feels like payback for when we brought in one of your top tier crushes and surprised you with an interview. Let's do that again. But no, this is a follow-up, a part two, shall we say,

of something we talked about earlier in the week. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Now, we talked earlier in the week about the fact that Taskmaster started this week on Tuesday and Wednesday. Yes. And it's going great. And then I did mention that for the first time in my life, someone wrote some fan fiction about me.

Yes. Taskmaster fan fiction in which Jeremy, I was auditioning to be on Taskmaster and Jeremy Wells had his way with me. It has been discovered that Vaughn Alan Smith, you too have received a Taskmaster erotica. But I'm not on Taskmaster. Leave me out of this.

It's called Chapter Two. I'm Chapter 1. Who is it with? Not you. No offence. No offence. No offence. Wow, that was really quick. That was really quick. Okay, so it's called The Audition.

Chapter 2, Vaughan Smith. Summary, your turn, Vaughan. Vaughan Smith was nervous but he had good reason to be. Where is this? It's on the same website as mine. Okay. Vaughan Smith was nervous but he had good reason to be. Oh wait, okay. I just want to make it a bit more sexier.

Yeah, yeah. Today. This is romantic not sexy. He was going to audition. Same thing. It's sort of same thing. All your sexual encounters romantic. Romantic. Come on. Oh, pull the other one. It's sort of the same thing. All your sexual encounters are romantic. Come on. Pull the other one. Be honest. Turn the mic off.

Be honest. I feel like David Beckham. Be honest. Be honest. Be honest. Come on, be honest. Okay, he was nervous, but he had a good reason to be. Today he was going to audition for Taskmaster New Zealand. He was a radio host for ZM and a few TV show appearances under his belt,

but still this was a big deal. Jeremy Wells sat behind the desk, his dark hair and tall, lanky frame. He's blonde, isn't he? And he's not lanky. He's nice. He's quite muscular. Make him look even more imposing than he already was. So, Vaughn, he began in his voice, deep and commanding,

what makes you think you're right for Taskmaster? Vaughn took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. Well, Jeremy, I've always been a fan of the show. I think I have the right mix of humour and competitive spirit to make a good contestant. That's exactly how I speak. Where's the sex? Jeremy raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips.

Now, if you remember from mine, just to interrupt, Jeremy likes to have his way with contestants in the audition. This is according to the fan fiction, not in real life. No, certainly not a reflection of real life. Jeremy raised an eyebrow, a smirk at the corner of his lips. Is that so? Well, I have a little task for you, Vaughan Smith. Something to prove your dedication

to the show. Vaughan felt a sudden lump in his throat. What kind of task? Jeremy leaned back in his chair, his eyes locked onto Vaughan's. I want you to insert action here. Right here, right now. Wait, what? Oh, wow.

Let me just action it to you. Hand gesture. Okay. There was a bit of a sound with it. Vaughn's eyes widened in shock. He has heard of some strange audition requirements before, but this was something else entirely. Still, he found himself unable to look away from Jeremy's piercing gaze.

Jeremy stood up from his chair, his... Well, Vaughn, are you gonna... Or do I... Vaughn hesitated for a moment. Then he found himself... His hand... He couldn't believe he was doing this. But at the same time,

he couldn't deny the thrill that was coursing through his veins. You really want Taskmaster Season 6? I don't know if I want it that badly. Jeremy's was and Vaughn couldn't help but edit for a moment before he leaned in and he

and his hands Jeremy's as he tried to as he could. I'm not familiar with it. I'm actually in my mind I'm imagining the words. Right. Yeah. I don't know what the words would be. I'm trying to find a sentence I could read because the rest of it is all action.

Suddenly, Jeremy in and he felt a huge. Oh. Vaughn, his body, as he continued to at Jeremy's. When Jeremy finally finished, Vaughn was left dizzy. He had never experienced anything like that before and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Please tell me Vaughn gets on the next season. Hang on.

Oh, no, not after all that. Jeremy adjusted himself, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. I like that sentence. Well, Vaughn, I have to say that was impressive. But I'm afraid I cannot let you on the show. Oh, that for nothing! It can't have been that good. Hang on, we're nearly at the end. Vaughn's heart. Oh my god, I'm just reading.

I've been sent the link. I'm reading all the words that you blanked over. Vaughn's heart sank. He had hoped that this would be his big break, but now it seemed that was all for nothing Why not? He asked His voice barely

Above a whisper Jeremy leaned down His face inches From Vorn's Because Vorn I have a feeling That being on Taskmaster Would be far too demanding

For someone like you You have a busy life Running your farm And I wouldn't want To take you away From that Vorn felt a pang Of disappointment But at the same time He couldn't deny The thrill running your farm and I wouldn't want to take you away from that. Vaughn found a pang of disappointment but at the same

time he couldn't deny the thrill that Jeremy's words had given him. Maybe this just wasn't the end of the road for him at all. The end. Aww. You didn't get on the show. Well Fletch, everybody's had sex with Jeremy Wells apart from you. Something tells me it could be a part

three. Oh my god. I don't think we need a part three Chapter three Carl Fletcher steps up to the plate I don't want to be on Taskmaster, I'm fine Well, we return for the second Shannon's Hack of the week Now earlier this week, your hack was so good that I keep thinking about it. It was go do a escape room before you go on a date. And then they think you're real smart because you knew the three-digit pin to unlock the door.

Correctio. Correctio. And we gave that 2.3 collectively. Yeah. Because it wasn't a. And we gave that 2.3 collectively. Yeah. Because it wasn't a bad idea. It's expensive. Hey, it's better than Shannon's had a couple of zeros in a row, okay? Yeah.

Okay. So Shannon, here we are again. Marked improvement. Yeah. You're looking for five stars max for Shannon's hacks. Yeah, I'd love a jingle. Yeah. So I've got one today for people like myself

who can never decide what they want for dinner. Always. I can just never pick. My partner's constantly like just sorted out. Do you do groceries in advance or you sort of buy

as you go? Well, because we don't have a fridge. We don't have a full fridge and we don't have a freezer. That's right. You've got like a mini bar. Yeah,

we have a mini bar and we don't have a pantry. We have one drawer that doesn't have cutlery. We put... She lives in a city living. She lives in a prison. By the way,

the council's allowed to make more of these apartments now. Yeah, cool. Fantastic. We put... She lives in a city living. She lives in a prison. By the way, the council's allowed to make more of these apartments now. Yeah, cool. Fantastic. We do have a window, but it is just a piece of glass between two rooms that don't see the sky.

Shan's got a window. Anyway, so I can never pick what to make for dinner. I have a hack for you and it's topical because the Olympics are just about to wrap up.

They are this weekend. So what you do if you can't decide what to make for dinner, you pick whatever competition's happening, which at the moment there's some athletics going on. What are we watching? There's some sprints happening. I love the sprints.

And you say, all right, who's going to win? Whoever comes first, boom, there's your cuisine for dinner tonight. Wow. You allocate a cuisine per runner. Okay, let me give you some examples. The Jamaican just won the sprints. Oh, we'll see. I don't know cuisine foods.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not easy, though. Oh, so you're going with the country. So then, like, if America happens, maybe chicken and waffles. Canada, poutine. We've got some Thai food, maybe. Philippines just won. I mean, this is fun because I mean

I wouldn't know how to cook most of these things I mean the Olympics isn't on when it's dinner time well you just pick it at the start of the day right now this would be good for maybe an Uber Eats yeah so you're going oh who just won America we're going to get burgers

and chips who just won Jamaica we're going to try, who just won America? We're going to get burgers and chips. Yeah. Who just won Jamaica? We're going to try to find a Jamaican place, get some jerk chicken and chips. It's probably not going to happen. I have looked long and hard for Jamaican food because I think Jamaica and I would be a great pair.

I love eating and it looks good. I also love Jamaicans. Yeah, that's the only thing is like the countries don't always, I mean, we've won a few golds. What do you do if you get a New Zealand? Mashed potatoes or something. Mashed potatoes and sausages. Sausages and a piece of white bread.

Yeah, and then Australia, you're going sausages and a piece of white bread. Yeah, I mean, I'm aware of the overlap in potentially some harder countries. But on the whole, could you? Jared brings up a good point. The Olympics happen for two weeks every four years. This is a topical hack. This is today's hack. It would have been better at the start of the Olympics

because we've literally got one day left. I saw this on TikTok yesterday. So this isn't even, sorry. This isn't even an original hack. This is a TikTok. None of my hacks are original. I just bring them to you. So wait,

these go through the rigorous process of seeing, identifying, thinking, that'll be good enough. Yeah. It's not my idea.

That'll be good enough and then bringing them in. my partner did say, he's like, can you start running these by me? Because I told him about the baby one and he felt a bit embarrassed.

And I think he thought I was bringing shame. Yeah. Okay, let me run down the middle table. Yeah. Until we get to New Zealand. United States. Easy. Burger and chips.

Yeah, chicken and waffles or something like that. China. China's take out. Peking duck. Australia. Sausage. Kangaroo. Sausage sizzle.

Sausage sizzle. Barbecue. France. Snails. Croissants. A. Sausage sizzle. Barbecue. France. Crepes. Croissants. A snail? You're going to cook snails? I've got them in the garden.

No, those aren't the ones you eat. And you don't have a door. You don't have a garden. You're trying to tell me your apartment doesn't have a fridge. It's a fridge. We're doing crepes and croissants. For dinner? Yeah.

Okay. Great Britain. Fish and chips. Fish and chips. Or a roast. Japan. Sushi. Britain. Fish and chips. Fish and chips. Or a roast. Japan. Sushi. Oh my God,

South Korea. Fried chicken. Oh my God. Netherlands. Cheese. Slices and cold cuts. And chocolate. Italy.

Oh, pizza. Pasta. Germany. Sausage. Sausage. Oh, me and the schnitzel. Schnitzel. Canada.

Poutineoutine New Zealand Hongy She's gonna dig a pit At the bottom of her apartment Oh my goodness I love this We can do a boy lap I actually don't mind this one

No you don't I think it's a good For a takeaway option Who's gonna win the race China won Topical We're getting Chinese I'm gonna give it

Three Three point Point 3.03 3.03 I'm to give it 3. 3 point. Point? 3.03. 3.03. I'm going to give it 3. 3.03. Oh, 1.

It's ridiculous. No, it's not 1. It's ridiculous. So that brings your average down to about 2. You've disappointed her. That's okay. I'll live with that. Well done. This is good. Play. ZM's. I'll live with that. Well done.

This is good. Hey, what the girlies are very excited for, it ends with us, which is that it's Colleen Hoover, eh? Colleen Hoover, yeah, which is a Colleen Hoover book. Sade's going today by herself. First time she's ever been to a movie by herself.

She's like, shall I do it? She's not a by herself go to the movies. I know she's not. I'm sorry, I was quite proud of her. She's like, I think I'm going to. I was like, yes I do it? She's not a by herself go to the movies. I know she's not. I'm sorry, I was quite proud of her. She's like, I think I'm going to. I was like, yes, do it. Well, you'll hate it. You will hate this film. That's why I said I'm not going. 100%.

She said, do you want to go and see this movie? I was like, Christ, no. She said, I came and saw Deadpool and Wolverine with you. And I said, and didn't you love it? She said, yeah, I did enjoy it. And I said, I can guarantee I won't enjoy this. So please don't make me go. Yeah, okay. Plus, save a little money.

Yeah. Save yourself. Oh, good for her. If I wasn't working tonight, I would go with her. She's going this morning at 11.30. The movie's at the mall, isn't it? No, not the one she's booked to go to. Okay.

Fun. Well, that's the movie that's coming out soon. It's like a romance novel. Not nearly filthy enough for me. Okay. But it's a great book. And so she was doing a lot of press for it. And in one of the interviews, she revealed that when her and Ryan Reynolds first got together, every single week

he would buy her a bouquet of flowers with a card in it. And in the card would be like a quote from their week or something funny that they'd done or something that kind of summarised that week of dating. And isn't that lovely? Isn't that just so nice? Well, he had previously been with Scarlett Johansson.

I reckon she would have thrown that in his face if he hadn't. Yeah, one of the most beautiful women in the world, yeah. I'm just looking at his dating history. He, in the 90s, was romantically linked to Melissa Joan Hart, who played Sabrina the Teenage Witch. What a great 90s nab. Yeah. He then dated his co-star from Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Place.

Then Kristen Johnson, who was on Third Rock from The Sun. Yes. Yeah. Then Alanis Morissette. I remember he was with Alanis Morissette. Because he's in the song, right? Yeah. Dear, and she sings about everyone, and Ryan's one of them.

Specifically the song Torch. Okay. And also, no, no, because you ought to know it came out before. No, that's about the guy from Full House. And that's Scarlett Johansson. And then, remember the link to Charlize Theron? I know, look at him. I mean, he's hot, of course.

Of course he is. Anyway, but they're like so deeply in love still. And then she said, he used to do that and now we've got 4,000 children. So it wanes. But this is what we want. I think if you will allow me, you cold-hearted steel-walled men, to soften the phone line somewhat with some romantic calls. Oh, okay.

I want to know what was the romantic gesture or the bold gesture that first made you fall in love with your partner? Now, you're talking about Kiwi men here. Mm-hmm. So my expectations are not a bouquet a week with a quote of the week. I could just be sharing your chuddy. Could be. Oh, you want a piece of chuddy? Yeah, he finally let me have some of his chuddy.

Yeah, oh, we're talking Kiwi romance. Oh, yeah. Shit, yeah, I love it. And it was one of the last pieces of chud. There has been no grander gesture in the world of romance than giving someone your last two pieces of chud.

Of chud. But I mean, whatever made you fall for them. Maybe it was something silly. Maybe it was like the first time they farted in front of you. Maybe it was silly little jokes they used to make

or little moves. Doesn't have to be big, wild, romantic gestures. Or maybe like Ryan Reynolds, it was flowers every day with a nice note and then that tapered off to nothing

and now the romance is dead. Now when he touches you, you flinch. Yeah. And if he does flowers now, you've assumed he's done something wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who is she? What have you done? Okay, let's take some calls. 0800-DARLESM. Call us now. Quick movie review on that movie. What did you say it was called?

It Ends With Us. Yeah. Speaking on behalf of a bloke who got dragged along on a double date to that movie, definitely don't go. We're the only two blokes in the packed cinema. And every time we went, they hit us. They hit us. Yeah.

Well, Blake Lively revealed that when she first started dating Ryan Reynolds, he would buy her a bouquet of flowers every single week with a card that had like a quote of the week, something funny they'd done that week, something silly they did. And you want to get everybody all soppy. Soppy, whoppy. I want to know what romantic gesture made you first fall in love with your partner. We're talking Kiwis though, so it might not get too swoppy.

Reign in your expectations. Jamie says he bought around salami that he'd made and scallops that he'd caught. I was immediately sold. Oh, my God. Yes and yes. Artisanal goods.

That's good stuff. Helen says helping me when I locked my keys in the car on the first day we met. So he's a criminal because he can break into cars? That's hot. Or he's at least thought about it. And Ed, Kirstie says an Ed Sheeran song came on the TV and he got me up off the couch and we started slow dancing. Oh.

That's so, no, that's so nice. That is, it's just so nice. That really is sweet. No, it's so lovely. It's alive. Alan, this is more like it.

He went and picked up a Facebook Marketplace purchase from me. My man. We went from an Ed Sheeran slowdown to going up to pick up some Facebook Marketplace stuff. That's scarry. On long trips in his old Ford Falcon ute, he used to suddenly pull over and kiss me. He stopped doing it one time when I had to get him to stop so I could vomit out the door. Okay.

Sorry, that was a two-part text. Let's take some calls. Gemma, what was the romantic gesture that won you over when you first met your partner? Alright, well we were going out and we weren't that serious and I had a big bike crash

when I was a teenager that, like, broke my collarbone, smashed up my helmet and everything. And that, like, I was scarred for quite a while and didn't want to bike. And we were just going out for a couple of weeks, and I said, oh, I want to get into biking again. And he kind of fell off the radar for a while, and he fell back into me. It turns out he was doing up a really cute VSA bike to make it all legal and worthy and stuff.

And then he just surprised me with it and pulled the garage door up and was like, I've got a bike for you. And it had a little basket on the front. Oh, that's cute. That's really cute. And training wheels? No, no training wheels.

No. Oh, that's pretty cute. That is really cute. And then so, are you still together now? Yes, we've been married nine years and I've got two little kids. Oh, that's pretty good. So Vaughan made a bike for

his daughter and the family didn't care at all. No, I don't give a damn. It's the way, man. Yeah. I mean, he's outnumbered in that household. Gemma, thank you. Renee, what was the little gesture that won you over early in the relationship? Renee?

She's dead. Probably dead. Did Renee die? Well, probably just died in the space of being on hold. He's going to be heartbroken. God. He's going to be heartbroken. Will she? Okay, I'll do Renee.

Oh, Renee, we're first dating me partner. I don't know why you're doing that. Talking about the romantic gestures that first won you over early in the relationship. God, we are having some sweet ones and some real New Zealand ones. He made me a salad with both steak and fish in it. Someone said this segment's going to start some arguments and then somebody else messaged in saying, thank you for starting an argument.

Oh, great. I'm glad that we followed through there on somebody's thought. Renee joins us. By the way, Renee, not dead, alive and with us this morning. Good morning, Renee. Good morning. I made it back. Now, what is your romantic gesture that made you fall for your partner?

We'd only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, and she bought pyjamas to leave at my house. Lesbians. Lesbians. You're all moving. Moving in quickly. How long? Take a climb.

Lesbians are like old gold prospectors. They walk in and they're like, yee-haw. How long? Take a claim. Lesbians are like old gold prospectors. They walk in and they're like, yee-haw. To be clear, I had never dated a woman before her, so I low-key, or not even low-key, freaked out because I'd only ever dated New Zealand men, and at three months you get the, so are you seeing anybody else? I know, I know.

So two weeks weeks I was like I was straight on the phone to my friends like she's just put pyjamas to leave at my house. What do I do? Is that normal? That's not normal. She's moving in. They move quick. Are you still together? We got married in November last year.

Yay! And that was two weeks after she left the pyjamas at your house. Yeah, and we only met a year ago. I can't remember her last name, but who cares we're in love. Oh my god, I love this for you. Congrats. Yeah, amazing. Thanks

for sharing, Renee. Some messages in. He made me a salad with both steak and fish in it. I said that. You said that one? Yeah, just because it really tickled me, but I can't figure out how... I can remember if we talked about that off air or on air. We do talk a lot that one? Yeah, just because it really tickled me, but I can't figure out how. I can remember if we talked about that off air or on air. We do talk a lot off air. Yeah, yeah.

He looked after me without getting angry when I drank too much and vomited pink all over his ute. That's not good, eh? Bringing his Nerf guns over to my house for a nervous gunfight and letting my mum have a turn. They both ganged up on me, but it's a very fond memory of my now late mother. Aww. And my husband interacting. That's nice.

I'd had a bad day at work and he showed up to Twilight Netball with flowers and that sealed the deal for me. I was pissed as a chook when I met him. Told him to dump his girlfriend and ring me tomorrow. We've been together for 40 years. Wow! Sounds like he kind of had no choice.

Yeah, it sounds like you threatened him. He asked me to marry him when he was drunk at his 50th and waking up the next morning he rolled over and said, the offer still stands. That's romantic. Yeah. Oh, my God. He dirty dancing lifted me.

No, keep reading. It wasn't, he dirty dancing lifted the auntie. Oh, sorry. He dirty dancing lifted my very drunk and very eccentric auntie at my mum's 50th in our second week of dating, won my entire family over, married now. Wow. Imagine someone picking up your auntie.

Amazing. My partner on our third date paid for a giant steak for me and he ended up with a tiny meal. This happens to me all the time. You go, I'm going to try something different and then you end up with a small one. Ended up with a tiny meal and I ate the entire steak. And he said,

that's really impressive. And that was us. Wow. We were together. That's nice. I think I've found the most romantic one. Okay. Try not to cry together. That's nice. I think I've found the most romantic one. Okay. Try not to cry. Okay. My name is Angel. My romantic gesture was my partner helped me collect dead cow bones that were covered in maggots from a secret beach and carry them about five kilometres through farmland back

to the car. I fell in love with him in the moment because I'm obsessed with collecting dead things that smell so bad. It was instant love. What? Wait, so it wasn't for a university project or something?

No, no, no. She just likes collecting Did you not get it? She likes collecting dead things? Yeah. You know?

As you do. Like patrolling a beach I'm imagining it's secret because it's at the bottom of a cliff where cows just fall off. Oh my God.

Hey, someone's messaging saying that they think Vaughan Smith carries the same of a cliff where cows just fall off. Oh my god. Hey, someone's messaged in saying that they think Vaughan Smith carries the same energy as Ryan Reynolds. Funny hot guy. I'd like to thank my mother for her correspondence to the show. It's always appreciated when she boosts me up on a Friday. My beautiful funny boy. Play ZM's Fletch for the Daily.

Play ZM. Yesterday, I didn't even know I'd lost my wallet. And I'd lost my wallet. How funny. I'm walking back to my car after the gym. I was like, crazy, I've got a wallet that looks just like that one sitting on the footpath. Holy.

And I stepped over it and I opened the car door. And then I was like, when was the last time I saw my wallet? And I said, oh, as I put it on my lap after I got petrol on the way home. Oh, then you stood up. And then I stood up and got out of the car. How far did you walk past your wallet? Surely you'd pick up another person's wallet. It fell out as I got out of the car.

No, but when you saw it walking back to the car. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It was like right by the door. So I stepped over it and opened the door. Yep. And then was just like, when did I last see my wallet? And I was like, it must have, I think when I popped it on my lap after I filled up with petrol. And then I obviously just sat there until I got out of the car.

Right. And then just flopped straight on the ground. But it bounced. It was like in the middle of the footpath. Like people would have had to have stepped over it. For how long had you been away from your car? Well, when I gym, I gym hard, bruh. Bruh?

Couple hours. Bruh. Couple hours, it just sat on the... And it just sat there on the footpath. It just sat on the footpath, yeah. Just waiting. Man, nobody lives in Cumul, eh? Nobody bothers, actually.

Lots of people do. Lots of people do. It's not a high traffic, foot traffic area. Right, outside the gym. No, like busy, like people just drive through it. Yeah. One to two hours. That is enough time for somebody to be pay waving up a store.

I actually haven't checked. Well, I mean, your wallet was sitting there. I'm sure it was. I actually haven't even checked if everything's still in it. Oh, no. God, you stress me out sometimes. Do you not care? No, the bank will look after me, won't they?

No, they don't. Oh, they? No, they don't. Oh, really? They don't. They've barely made billions of profits. Nah, you've got everything there. Do you have one of those? Oh, they didn't take my Costco card. Well, that's good. Driver's license. Do you have one of those cards that I have? No, I've got this guy. Oh, you've got an AirTag in there.

I've got an AirTag in there, so I would have been able to track it. But here's the thing. If a thief had taken the wallet, they would open it up and be like, oh, an AirTag in there, so I would have been able to track it. But here's the thing. If a thief had taken the wallet, they would open it up and be like, oh, an AirTag, throw. Yeah. That AirTag's only purpose is so when I'm running around the house being like, where did I leave my wallet? I can make it do the little chirpy noise.

You can ting-tong. I assume the minute this wallet gets stolen, they'll open it up and be like, oh, cute, pictures of his children. Flick, throw those to the wind. And then be like, oh, this is one of those tracking things that I'm well aware of because I'm a criminal. Yeah. Heif.

Heif in the bush. I can see your credit cards there. You're all good. You're all good. Sade still thinks this wallet's too feminine for me. Yeah, because we've got- Deadly Ponies. Deadly Ponies.

Deadly Ponies wallet. Do she? You're both still rocking it, eh? I love mine. I love mine. She calls it my lady wallet. She's jealous because she wants it. That's what I said.

I said, you're trying to get in here, into the impenetrable fortress of solitude. Oh, if you're not going to use it, I'll use it. Get inside my brain and trick me in reverse psychology, me into giving you this wallet. Because what does she use? Just a big lady purse. Just a big lady purse.

And a big lady wallet inside her big lady purse. Yeah, that's what I've got. A big lady purse and a big wallet. Huge wallet. I've got a big wallet. Huge wallet. Like, mum always had a huge wallet, eh? Yeah, mine's massive.

For all of her cards. It's like that big. It's huge. Yeah. Too many. Too much. She's all your shopping cards. All my memberships.

Yeah. You know? Is it click open at the top? You open it and there's a couple of rogue things and a couple of them New World stamps and a loose Tammy. No, it's Deadly Ponies as well. That's the biggest.

Double Deadlies. It's got zips and stuff. I'm rocking Double Deadlies. There's a SIM card in there. Receipts. I've got to keep receipts, man. You don't need that. All of that's crap. You could slim down.

Just seeing all the receipts. Never tell a lady to slim down her wallet. Felicia's told Hayley to slim down. Just seeing all the receipts. Never tell a lady to slim down her wallet. Handbrake the show. Felicia's told Hayley to slim down. Inappropriate. When a DHL still wouldn't be associated with you now that you're calling women back? Fetching a woman on here.

I said your DHL. How do you feel about who you're sending a cheese board to now? You're just trying to get my cheese board. You're just trying to get my cheese board. I want that goddamn cheese board. I want them to message you and say, please get the cheese board. To're just trying to get my cheese board. I want that goddamn cheese board. I want them to message and say, please get the cheese board. They've warned you are no longer appropriately

receiving the DHS cheese board. I'm body shaming. I just think that you could almost go to a slimmer wallet. Yeah, I could, but I like this. Can I, just seeing all those receipts, I forgot to tell you guys my life hack. Oh yeah. Of how I get around like just being messy

and unorganized. Take a photo of the receipt. Just receipts everywhere. And just like my life was a bit of a shambles. I've just taken to saying, hey, look, I'm just trying to run a business here. To everything. Shade's like, would you please clean up all of these receipts just scattered around your side of the bed? I said, hey, look, I'm just trying to run a business here. Oh, wow.

Yeah. To everything. Use it for anything. Right, but what if you're not running a business? Make love to me, my darling. Look, I'd love to, but I'm just trying to run a business here. Oh, wow. To everything. Use it for anything. Right, but what if you're not running a business? Make love to me, my darling. Look, I'd love to, but I'm just trying to run a business here. You're not trying to run a business. I know, but it's confusing. You're definitely not.

It's confusing, and it baffles them just long enough for you to run away. Right. To get out of earshot. Okay, right. Your marriage sounds so fun to me sometimes. You two just bloody playing with each other. Just being silly. Messing with each other's minds. Like today, she's going to the movie by herself.

And I've just found out, as I said before, I can't find a Jamaican restaurant to eat delicious Jamaican jerk. Well, turns out there is one not far from here. And I've told her I'm going. I want to go. But then she packs a shit and she's like, you can't eat Jamaican without me. And I said, okay, I won't.

I'm going. Just go. How's, I won't. I'm going to. Just go. How's she going to know? I'm going to come home. She'll see the bank. I'm going to leave Jamaican juice around my mouth. Yeah, and then you'll say in a Jamaican accent. Yeah.

How was the movie? I was going to do it. I was. I was like, where are we at with that? Don't. Why, maybe not. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. She is gone

She's away with the fairies I'm just thinking About things No because So next weekend I'm going to New Plymouth I'm sorry about that

With my No It's become very much In the last couple of years One of my favourite places I do apologise Well They got her

They brainwashed her I know Do you know my bestie Said to me last weekend When I was down there Man I'd move to me last week when I was down there, man, I'd move to New Plymouth. I was like, I'll go too. I love it.

Yeah, it's a great place. Well, I'm from there. I was born there, of course. Well, I wasn't born there. I've grown up there. It is such a horrendous city that my auntie Pat at the age of 92 is moving to Australia. I thought you said she won't make it.

She's going to the mines. Yeah, she's going to get a job in Perth. Good money there. Good money. Money to it. Is she going to the mines? Yeah, she's going to get a job in Perth. Good money there. Good money. Money to be made. God. In the mines. And then what, just go to Bali on your time off?

Yeah, she's a FIFA. Fly in, fly out. Okay. So I'm going to New Plymouth next weekend with my show Wild Flutters. It's at the Theatre Royal in New Plymouth. They won't get it. On Saturday night. Excuse me.

No, this is a simple show. Oh, because I went last year with my show Ailments and you guys all came down. And I was, you couldn't see because of the spotlights, but I was telling them when to laugh. You were explaining each joke. Laugh now, dum-dums. Were you?

Bourne, you're not coming down next weekend. Yeah, so there's a few of us going down. Yeah, I know. Because Fletch always supports me. I go to Wellington, he'll come down and see the show. I go to New Plymouth, he'll come to New Plymouth and see the show. He doesn't support, does he? Yeah.

And there's a few of us, we're going to do a roadie down. He's only going because it's his mum's birthday. No, that's not. That's another time. You should talk about how Aunty Helen's getting the bedroom too and you've got to get a hotel. Bev, I don't know if you're listening, Bev, but he's pretty dark about that.

He's private. He's pretty dark. He is. I'm just saying that it's weird you'd think that the auntie would have to get the hotel. As if Auntie Helen has a fall that weekend

I'd check the security cameras. Yeah, so would I actually. He is. He's not happy about it, is he? There's a big push coming her way. Yeah. Yeah. No stairs though.

So I'm going to New Plymouth for my show because I took it there last year as part of a festival. Yes. And it sold out very quickly. And we had such a great time. It was amazing.

We had a blast. So when I was looking at places, I've gone to Christchurch. I'm announcing two more soon than I'm doing. And I was like, I'll go to New Plymouth because they loved it last time. And then because Auckland and Christchurch and Wellington and everything sold out so quickly, I was like, sweet. And then I realised it's a week away and I didn't do any marketing and I didn't tell anyone to buy a ticket and I just looked how many tickets have sold

and not that many. You really have to spell it out to these New Plymouth members. I really was like, yeah, it'll be fine. And speak slowly to them too. Hello, I am coming to New Plymouth. I will be there next week doing comedy.

Yeah. What are you doing? It's where she's gluing on. Because it's not part of a festival, this year I'm doing it independently. I'm just organising it. There's no extra marketing and I also have to pay for it. And also we're coming down we've got a friend group going and now I'm like

do we even bother going? If you go then I've lost ten more. No, you've got to go and you've really got to bring the laughter. Don't worry because you have been stressed behind the scenes. Yeah. We've got one week to sell a lot of tickets. Vaughn and I decided that we would use our platform

and we've come up with an idea. We're going to let you do what they call a live read in the business. A 30-second radio commercial. Okay. Yeah. All right. So I've found some commercial. Okay. Yeah. All right. So I've found some music. Okay.

And then I'll play it and then you've got until that music finishes to kind of really sell this show. Okay. I'd keep it slow. Slow, slow, slow. We'll keep the word count down.

Okay. No numbers over 10. Okay. You're from Morrinsville. Okay, right. You're from Morrinsville. A thriving metropolis. I'm not bringing my show to Morrinsville. You're from Morrinsville. A thriving metropolis. I'm not bringing my show to Morrinsville.

That's a hard no for me. You would sell it out. They just appreciate anybody going. All they have is a squash club. Yeah, this is a 500 seat theater. That's why she'd sell it out. Everyone would just have to sit in the squash club. In the raked seating.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, I've got 30 seconds. Yes. Okay, are you ready? Now, this is 30 seconds to sell your show to New Plymouth. I haven't written anything. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I've got 30 seconds. Yes. Okay, are you ready? Now, this is 30 seconds to sell your show to New Plymouth. I haven't written anything. No, that's the idea. You've got to just do it off the top of your...

Top of my dome. I'm glad you haven't written it down because they can't all read. Okay, okay. Lauren, please don't meet me to my hometown. Okay. It's so easy. Okay, all right. Are you ready?

Yeah. Does it start now? Yeah. It's already started. You've seen her on the television. You hear her every morning on the radio. Now, Taranaki, it's your chance to see her live. Hayley Sproul with her show, Wild Flatters,

nominated for Best Show at this year's New Zealand International Comedy Festival, the Fred Award. She didn't win, but it still means that it was really top three show of the entire festival. One audience member who saw it said wow, oh my gosh, I wish I could see this show for the first time again. Boy oh boy, do you know who will love this show? Taranaki! So if you want to come

and laugh about sexy things and hear funny songs from Hayley Sproul from the TV and radio, go to ticketech.co.nz Actually, we lost the website. That's the crucial bit. Yeah, you lost the website. Just at the end there. That's the crucial bit. Yeah, sorry.

That's the crucial bit. You missed it because you waffled too much complimenting yourself. Was it too fast and too much? It was over their head. I'm going to lose

so much money next weekend. Good luck. Lucky we are doing a road trip and not flying because we'll just cancel if it doesn't sell well. What if, because I've got you,

screw you, I've got you 10 complimentary tickets. Could I possibly charge for those? Yeah, I reckon back charge. Could I get you to pay for those? This weekend away just got real expensive all of a sudden. Play ZM's

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day day, day, day, day. What's up? It's the last Olympics fact of the day. And I thought we might discuss medals. Okay. Because you, I don't know if you ever thought about this,

but the ancient Greek games, the original Olympics back in ancient Greece, they never gave out medals. Really? There was no medals. Well, think about how hard it would have been to make medals. Yeah. Especially of valuable material. The victor received a crown made from olive leaves

and was entitled to have a statue of himself set up at Olympia but had to sort that out themselves if they wanted it Commission someone to make your statue So at these athletic festivals

olive leaves at Olympia wreath of laurel at Delphi and pine trees So at these athletic festivals, olive leaves at Olympia, wreath of laurel at Delphi, and pine trees at Yfmthiv. And if you won at Nemea, you won parsley. Oh. Parsley. That's why laurels, you know, like on posters and stuff. Don't rest on your laurels. Yeah, you've got the laurels around your palm door or like Cannes Film Festival.

Yeah, yeah, it was the one. Because it was the same as a medal. And exactly, we've talked about that, the origins of the saying, don't rest got the laurels around your palm door or Cannes Film Festival. Yeah, it was the one. Because it was the same as a medal. And exactly, we've talked about that, the origins of the saying, don't rest on your laurels, is that you would get the laurel and you'd be like, well, done, done. Yeah. I'm trying to put this on my head and rest. Yeah.

But don't rest on your laurels. And at the first modern games held in Athens in 1896, there was no gold medals. Lame. Silver for first place with an olive wreath. Because it was too expensive. And second place runner-ups

got a copper-based bronze-coloured medallion. Right. Lame-o, lame-o, lame-o. So there was just no gold. Because it wasn't... Right. Before the modern Olympics,

you know, in your mind, gold was first place. Did they get a free cheeseburger for player of the day? They got a cheeseburger for player of the day? They got a cheeseburger for player of the day which is nice. So then it was in Paris in 1900 that they were like silver's good

but you know gold's more valuable so let's have a gold medal. So then it was St. Louis Games in 1904 and London in 1908. Those were the only times that an actual fully gold medal were given to the Olympic winners. Oh, wow. Okay. It was straight after that that they started making them predominantly out of

silver with a gilded layer of gold. Right. Over the top. The thinnest layer of gold because gold was A, very, very heavy and B, very expensive. Are those original gold medals anywhere? Like in museums? That has to be a museum. And they would be worth so much money. Oh, it's not a moolah.

The Paris 1900 medals, where the first time the gold popped its head up, were rectangular medals. Because, of course, now we just figure they're going to be circular, but different designs. These were rectangular. And Stockholm in 1912, they were oval medals. So it hasn't always been, you know, all of the medals.

And if you added together all of the gold, silver, and bronze medals won by the United States, which is the country with the most medals won in the history of the Olympics, it'd be worth a million pounds. Wow. In modern currency, if you melted down all those medals. Because somebody said at the Paris Olympics the medals have 529 grams of gold in them.

But if it was pure gold, each medal would be $45,000. Yeah. And a bit of the Eiffel Tower. A KG and a bit. Yeah. Is that how much they'd weigh?

If you imagine that, they put it around your neck and you're like, goes down. So, and the current gold medals are 95.5% silver, 3.4% wrought iron, which was the part of the Eiffel Tower. Yep.

And 1.1% gold. Huh. Okay. And cost about 1,100 pounds to make from the medals at the wholesale medal price as of now. Wow. Or just go get those gold coins. Chalky gold coins

Christmas. Chalky gold coins. Chalky gold coins. Chalky gold coins. Chalky gold coins. Chalky gold coins. For somebody in the chocolate industry. Make the chocolate better? Yeah. Yeah, I know. Whitaker, step up and make a chocolate coin. You'd kill it.

If Whitaker's made a sack of chalky gold coins, I would lose my mind. I get one every Christmas. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Whitaker, step up and make a chocolate coin. You'd kill it. If Whitaker's made a sack of Choccy Gold coins, I would lose my mind. I get one every Christmas. Yeah. I'm not always that Australian, oily, parm-oily, chocolate, yucky. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Someone with Choccy Gold coins.

Whitaker's Choccy Gold coins. Yeah, do it. Whitaker's Choccy Gold coins. Whitaker's Choccy Gold coins. Make it. Make it happen. We'll tell everybody about it. Today's fact of the day is that at the first modern Olympics,

there was no gold medal. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Be serious. Can you be a grown-up, please? Chalky gold coins. Chalky gold coins. Chalky gold coins. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey.

Play ZM. We would like to start a search for the person that's been bitten by the most dangerous thing. Yes. Not dogs. Not cats. Not humans. not cats, not humans. I mean, what about a dog with rabies? That's like... Your rabies dog?

That's done. You're done. Unless you've got the rabies, like, shots. Remember someone got bitten by a bat, got rabies and got cured? Like, within the last 20 years? I'm not all up to date with rabies.com. It was wild.

I'm really not up to date with rabies news. Do you guys not follow the rabies Instagram? No. Oh my God, yeah. Is it just at rabies with a blue tick? At rabies blue leader. Do you guys not follow the rabies Instagram? No. Oh my God, yeah. Is it just at rabies with a blue tick? At rabies blue tick. That's how you know it's the official rabies account. I think she was at church or something.

A bat flew in. I mean, that's a sign you're with the wrong religion. Satan literally flew in. Bitter. And they killed him. Yeah. So the reason we're asking this this morning. It's because there's a guy who shows how non-dangerous

some bugs and snakes and things are, right? By allowing them to bite him. No, no thanks. I've seen people do this with snakes, when they get the thing, they're holding it, and they're like... And then they show what's going to happen. No thanks.

No thanks. I've seen snakes in the wild, and it's not fun. I've never seen a snake in the wild. As I've said, I've been like three times it's happened and I'm like. Yeah. So he's going like, I'll show you like how to handle it or how it's not dangerous or whatever. Yeah. But that's what's inspired us to try to find the person that's been bitten by the most dangerous thing. A shark.

Now, will we be the judges at the end and award the prize for the most dangerous bite? Yeah, what's the prize going to be? I guess just kudos, really. Is that enough in this day and age? What about we go to them and we bite them? We give them a hickey. We can send them this tiny trophy. Oh, you've got a tiny trophy?

We can award you this tiny trophy. What is that? For surviving the most dangerous bite. This week's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley tiny trophy recipient. Okay, look, we should do a tiny trophy every week. We should do a tiny trophy every week. Every week and give it to, yeah, I love that. And we'll post it.

And we should buy an engraving gun and engrave it every week. We'll just write on and vivid. I think just vivid will do it. Get a twink pen. A sticker. A white pen. Yeah, sticker, I love that. We need a sticker for the base.

Okay, so we want to know. Because these are like, you can get a pack of these from the two dollars. Yes, I love that. We want to know, what is the most dangerous animal that you've been bitten by? We want to come back next and take your texts and calls, and then we will award a tiny trophy to what we decide is the most dangerous and death-defying. Because I was bitten by that wandering gang of street youth. You were bitten by a street girl.

Two of them, actually. I received two bites from two different street kids. You were bitten by a street girl. Two of them, actually. I received two bites from two different street kids. I remember that happening. That was when Sandringham was pre-gentrification. Oh, my God, yes. So if we want to...

You get a five betty for under a mil. Easy peasy. We want to find the most dangerous. We'll start the bar. Okay. Pet lorikeet. That's a low bar

that will not be receiving this week's tiny trophy. I don't think you're... It's got a good story, though. I don't think you're winning tiny trophy with that. The lorikeet was drunk on wine. We want to know this morning, and we will judge this

and award the winner our tiny trophy. Tiny trophy of the week. I'd say it's like maybe two and a half, three inches tall, plastic, and very cheap. Tiny trophy! And you must, if you win this, send us a photo of you with the tiny trophy. Raising the tiny trophy. And perhaps even having a drink out of the tiny trophy.

Now, we're judging the most dangerous bite by an animal or insect. That's right. Or creature. It's a guy who has been, like, allowing himself to be bitten by spiders and whatnot to show that it's not that dangerous. Are you running a list, Warren? Do you want to be in charge of the list? Jack, good morning.

Good morning. How's it going? Good. What have you been... For a start, the list? Jack, good morning. Good morning. How's it going? Good. What have you been? Jack's got a lovely deep voice. He does. He should match it one point. He should read smart books.

1.4 deep voice. Jack, what were you bitten by? I was bitten by an eastern brown snake, which is the second most venomous snake in the world. Jack! Eastern brown. Did you have to, like, what happened when you were bitten by it? Did you have an injection or some kind of anti-venom?

Yeah, I had to get anti-venom at the hospital pretty quickly. Because I've seen a video of what happens when they add venom to a blood. The coagulation. Yeah. Oh my God, it turns to like jello. Yeah. Jack, was your voice deep before the snake bite or is this a side effect of antivetam? Unfortunately, it's always been that.

Not unfortunately. Not unfortunately, darling. That's delicious. That's another point. Did you turn into half snake, half man? After all the bites I've received, I'm pretty sure I'm half snake, half man. What do you mean all of them?

Why are you constantly being bitten by snakes, Jack? I used to be a snake catcher in Australia. Oh! Oh, my God. That's another point. He's got a deep voice. He's like, ah, unfortunately, played it down, and he was a snake catcher.

Yeah, wow. Okay, so how many times have you been bitten? Seven venomous snakes and probably 30-plus times of non-venomous. Do the non-venomous ones, like, hurt a lot? Oh, the pythons hurt a lot. The pythons? Yeah, they're pretty decent biters.

Don't they, so usually they tangle you up, do they? Or are those different? They'll bite and they'll rap. And rap. And rap, yeah. And rap, yep. So it bites you and you're like,

oh, and it's like, yo, yo, you think the bite was bad, and now I'm mad. And you'll be sad because, oh my God it's like, yo, yo, you think the bite was bad. Now I'm mad. I don't know what to say. Oh, my God. I didn't know they rapped as well right before they rapped around you. Yo, yo, just bit this dude. Someone said it sounds like Jack got bitten by a bass guitar.

Holy moly. We've started hot. Wait, you've been bitten by the second most venomous snake in the world. How do we beat that? Well, maybe a shark. Or the second most venomous snake in the world. How do we beat that? Well, maybe a shark. Or the most venomous snake. Or the most. So, Jack, we'll pop you on hold.

We'll take your details. Jack is so far. I'd say in the running for tiny trophy. Yeah, take Jack's details. Good morning, Rebecca. Hi, how are you? Really good. Sorry they had to follow up after deep voice on that snake catcher.

I know. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Could you maybe tell your story in a slightly deeper voice, Rebecca? The titty registers really. You know. There it is. I will.

Now, so what have you been bitten by? Well, there was this one time we were travelling through Belize and we were going canyoning. We were on the back of the ute in long grass, imagine it. And we jumped out the back of the ute into a nest of fire ants. Oh! Okay, I've heard these are, like, horrifically painful. They are.

Like, I've had two children and that's pretty painful. But, yeah, fire ants, they're up there. I feel bad after going after Jack. No, no, no they're up there. I feel bad after going after Jack. No, no, no, no, no. So there's only one eastern brown snake but him, you were attacked by a whole... Covered in ants. Yeah, and you were saying,

is it worse than childbirth or no? It's up there. Well, it's a little different. Yeah, well, she had two children. She hasn't jumped into any more fire ants, has she? No, no. Burning sensations, itchy welts, welts turn into blisters. Yeah, yeah, you know.

Which is funny because those are the same symptoms people from Hamilton used to get after going to Fire Cats. Fire ants, Fire Cats, very similar. Thank you, Rebecca. In the running for tiny trophy, we want to know what the most dangerous thing you've been bitten by is. Where did you get to with those points, Vaughn? I gave her

five points. Her, I gave three points. Okay, well, I mean, I think if someone's been bitten by a shark, they're going to win. Your shark. I think shark could beat someone else has stepped in fire ants and she's at least four points. We don't know. We haven't been stung. That'll kill you. A shark could beat... Someone else has stepped in fire ants. Okay, there's a couple of fire ants.

They said there should be at least four points, so I'll add another point to Rebecca. But we don't know we haven't been stung. Okay, keep your eyes... Someone just texted saying wasp. No, we're saying bites, not stings. We will award tiny trophy for the most dangerous bite. Yeah.

So far, Jack. Jack is winning. He was a snake catcher. He's been bitten by a snake. And he's been bitten by a python. Second most deadliest snake bite in the whole world. We've had the fire ants, which apparently are horrible. Yep.

A couple of fire ant messages as well. A couple of fire ants. Let's see if we can beat that. Tegan, good morning. Good morning. What were you bitten by and where? Oh, wait. Should I do a deep voice so I get more points?

Yes, Tegan. I love this. I love this. I love this. One point for the voice. Okay, one point for the voice. Okay, well, no, there was a bird sitting a friend's cockatoo. I know it's not as dangerous as the other ones, but this one, she has it out for me.

Yeah. And I kind of forgot, and I was moving drawers past her cage, and she reached through her bars and got me right on the tuchus. On the tuchus? I managed, without dropping the drawers, I managed to move, but then she got me on the old love handle. Oh! Nip the hip!

Ow! Ow, that's hot! Yeah, really, like, she got a chunk. Oh, she got a chunk. She took a chunk. That hurts. You say not dangerous, but my marching coach used to have a cockatoo, and it was full on.

It would, like, nip at you and scream at you. Fletch, you've had a cockatoo. What do you think? When you used to have the bird. Taken. Taken. One point for Taken. You had to get rid of itegan You had to get rid of it

You had to get rid of it It was terrible It was too loud It was too loud It was too loud You had to keep squirting water on it Just be like get out Shush

Tegan thank you I think we're going to have to put that below fire end so Although there was flesh But it was on the butt And then I can feel that And the love handle Also that's embarrassing

Like Yeah If someone puts their hand around you And kind of gives you a grip You're like don't do that And then the bird is like Oh fatty And bites you on the love handle

Okay We'll put the points down for Tegan Thank you Some text messages My husband My ex-husband got bitten by a sand fly You might be thinking No big deal

But got dengue fever as a result. I thought mosquitoes had dengue fever. Yeah. Okay. So when I said I dated the biggest snake in the world, that's pretty dangerous. Okay. Yeah. We've all had a snake or two. Yeah. I've been...

See, I don't think you've been bitten by all these animals and survived, but somebody said, I worked at animal sanctuaries in Africa. Lions, baboons and monkeys. Bit, bit, bit. Lion. Nibble. That's a nibble.

That's a... If a lion bit you, you wouldn't be around to tell us the tale. It's a bit like when you're playing with your cat and it's had enough. It's like... Yeah, when they just... And they put their teeth. Massive. Because they're real big.

Yeah. Bigger teeth. Yeah. Bigger bite. On my 18th birthday, I was bitten upon the nipple by a Himalayan tar. Like a goat. Those big goaty things. I think there's some in the South Island.

Remember in Dock, we're just like, we're going to wipe them out. And the hunters were like, we'll do it slowly. Right. Because they like to hump them. Okay. Those are big. They'd have sharp teeth. A couple of points for on the nip there.

Yeah, nip actually is worth a couple of points. Oh, depending on the day and where you are in your cycle, though, it could feel nice. I was bitten by my wife's sister. Rabid. Hamilton. That's probably a Hamilton. She'd had a couple of bloody gym boobs. Yeah.

I used to work with dogs and by far the worst was not a Doberman or a Rottweiler or a Pitbull, the Chihuahua bites. Oh, yeah, they're so aggressive. Horrible little things, always yappy and nappy. Nippy. Okay, Vaughn, we're late. We must go. Oh, my God, we're so late.

Yeah, Vaughn, bitten by an emu. Must award the tiny trophy. Today, this week's Bleach One Hayley tiny trophy goes to Jack, who was bitten by the second most poisonous snake in the world. Jack, we'll get this out to you. And you must send a photo of you with the tiny trophy. We have a photo of the snake that Jack has sent in. And that little, shy...

It's big. It's all wrapped up, coiled down the side of a bed. Hey, have a great weekend, everyone. See you tomorrow morning. Don't tell me what to do. I'm saying to the listeners, have a great morning, everyone. We'll see you with Fletch, Paul and Hayley's bottomless brunch

tomorrow morning. Yep. This has been the ZM Radio Network. Ta-da! See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted.

Sue Decatur's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast. Yeah. And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening,'ll review her five stars yeah if she does the same for this podcast yeah

and then she tells all her friends and if you're listening maybe give it five stars as well ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley