ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 9th May 2024

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Silly Little Poll!  Indie's Food Tech  Wedge ShoesTop 6: Woke School Lunches  Now That's What I Call Music!  Vaughan's Theft  What didn't match the Booking?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshborn and Hayley Big Pod. Great Things are Brewing at McCafe. The perfect start to every day. Good morning. Calling food woke is the stupidest shit I've ever heard. The top six will be dealing with it. Yeah.

The top six woke lunches that I will not have been fed to our children. Fair enough. It's glad and I'm happy to see you taking a stance. I had no idea. Did you see the Prime Minister getting really upset

that journos were pressing him on what foods were woke and what weren't? He chose his bed, partner. You made your bed. You've got to stand by your partner.

Now you sleep in it. I love it. You shat the bed, now you've got to sleep in it. Yeah, you shat in the bed with David Seymour, now you've got to lie in there. You, Winston,

and David all shat in the bed. Now you've got to sleep in it. Big mess you shat in the bed with David Seymour now you've got to lie there. You Winston and David all shat in the bed. Now you've got to sleep in it. Big mess. We'll get to the top six soon. Silly Little Pole as well is on the way. And there's, I think he's Australian. He's got this conundrum. This is what gave us the idea for Silly Little Pole. Would you rather

earn more money for your job, but you have to come into the office? Or would you rather earn a little bit less money? Always more money. And buts have work from home. I like coming in. It separates work from play. That is today's Silly Little Poll.

The results are next, but. But next on the show. But next. Why did I hit the but really hard? I think you just hit the word but. I just hit the word but, and I was like, that's the word I want to emphasize. But next, why did I hit the but really hard? I think you just heard the word but. I just heard the word but and I was like, that's the word I want to emphasise. But next, I want to talk about what it means if you've got bananas up in your trolley. I can't believe this is still a thing.

Yeah, it's still a thing. Do you know this thing is a thing but it's not a thing? Like nobody ever does this. You don't know that. We'll dive into this next. Now, okay, bananas up in the trolley. We've heard of this before. Now, I've got a banana here,

in case anybody doesn't know what they look like in studio. Because of what? Not much for the listener there. You would have to imagine a sort of a yellow... Smiley shape. Smiley shaped Smiley shaped With a stalk on one end Yeah Yours is barely yellow

Yours is brown Brown Very bruised The way you're holding that indicates that you're open to Hayley and I You know Banging you Oh I would tell What if I did

How do I put it up so down That's I think Sad face That's sad face That's just I'm buying bananas that's just I'm buying bananas that's just I'm buying bananas so this is a thing

in Australian dating culture did you say I'm bi and bananas yes I'm a crazy bisexual if I have my bananas like this way

I feel like this goes back 20 years I feel like this has been a thing at least 20 years at least

put your bananas in a trolley up, and that means you're keen. Yeah, totally. And it's big in Australia, apparently. So there's an American woman living in Sydney. She's on TikTok. And she is trying to, you know,

navigate dating life in a completely different country where things are different. And then she heard of this theory that if you go to the supermarket and you put in bananas and they're facing upside down, like tips up. Yeah. No.

Yes, upside down. No. That way. The right way up. That way. Facing up. The way they naturally sit in the fruit bowl.

Yeah. And you put them in that front little bit, that means that you're single and ready to mingle. Now. Make him happy. I think you might have mispronounced. I think you said that wrong.

Single and ready to mingle. Yeah, mingle. M-I-N-G-L-E. Mingle. No, no. She's actually, I'll stay corrected. She's got us there. Sometimes a G is hard and sometimes it's soft.

Single and ready to mingle. Okay. Thank you. We'll give you that. Singel and ready to mingle. Singel and ready to mingle. Yeah. That's what it means if your bananas are facing up in the trolley.

Now, she posted a video being like, all right, I'm an American living in Australia. I'm single and ready to Minjol. Yeah. And let's try this out. And then people jumped online being like, you've got it all wrong, Han. You've got to have it facing this way like this.

And then someone else was like, I'm pretty sure it's only 8pm. And then someone else messaged me like, and on Tuesdays. Yeah, I'm reading some articles here because I just Googled how far back does this go? And there's an article from 2009. Wow.

About putting the bananas. That was the olden days. And your trolley like, you know, facing up or down. And then here some are saying it's in Australia, it's just Wednesdays. Oh, right, Wednesday. I don't know. I mean because she had a photo

of her walking around with a trolley being like I'm looking, I'm looking. But she did bananas the wrong way down, dum-dum. Oh, so she was scaring them off? She was scaring them off. And then other people have been jumping on because it hasn't worked for her yet, by the way. She's trying.

Other people jumped on and had said like, oh, this definitely happens because sometimes I'll chuck my bananas in my trolley just chucking them in not thinking about it and people will come up to me and be like, hi, are you single? And if you didn't

know about this, you'd be like, why is it? She was just like oh no I'm not It's like an earring in the gay air Oh I can never remember which one's Which is why you just Hit on every guy with an earring Yeah I take a shot 50% of the time

I hit every time I had no idea that you were ready to minjol I'm not sinjol But I'm ready to minjol So if no idea That you were ready to minjol He's ready to minjol I'm not sinjol But I'm ready to minjol Yeah wow So if you don't want To be hit on accidentally What way should you

Have your bananas I don't know if it's A thing in New Zealand But if you want to be Left alone Bananas down Do you know After my grandad

Had his accident And was in a home I was with my nan And we went to the supermarket And she's always For as long as I can remember when she buys

a six pack of yogurt or yogurt as she calls it on the edge she puts the the six so three on each side and hangs it over the bar

my mum used to do that and I told her that means you're bisexual that's what I said no I don't know and I said to her oh you know what this means and she's like what

I was like this means you're ready for you're open you're ready to party oh the yogurt and she was like I beg your pardon and like I was just kidding around and then later on I was only kidding she's like, what? I was like, this means you're ready for, you know, you're open. You're ready to party. Oh, the yogurt. And she was like, I beg your pardon? And like, I was just kidding around. And then later on, I was only kidding.

She's like, I don't care. I can't take that risk. I'm not putting the yogurts up there anymore. Oh. So now I wonder when she buys the yogurt. So she's like putting them in the trolley and like looking around being like, oh, I can't dare and hang them. Wait, wait.

Tell her about bloody pineapples upside down. Upside down pineapples. That means. That would blow her mind. It would blow her mind. That's how they grow, though. Yeah, they do. They all grow ready for a swing. They grow upside down.

Yeah, that's just a field full of let's swing. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poll Which would you rather Higher salary to work in an office Or less money to work from home? I'd have to do the maths on it because if you were only getting

paid, like say your travel each day is an hour. So technically to me that's an hour of work. It's not an hour that you're technically getting paid to be at work but it's an hour that you've allocated out of your day to go to work. It's fuel you've got to pay for. And parking if you don't get that for free.

Yeah. That all adds up. Well, this is the exact conundrum or situation that a Queensland man found himself in. And this is what gave us the idea for Cilindral Pole. He's got two job offers. One is for $80,000. Yeah. And that included four days working from home. The other was for $93,000

and that was in the office five days a week. Oh, okay. I think I'm going less. 80 work from home. Four days is significant just to be able to take things a bit easier. If you'd live close to the office, an extra $13,000.

Petrol, parking, your time travelling. And if this is a 9-5 job, like that traffic. He also says he's become accustomed to working from home. If he can make $80,000 work. Because that's the thing, you'd easily clock up $13,000

over the course of a year in your time. I mean that's pre-tax as well, so after tax. After tax is less in the hand. I mean, work it out. I thought everybody in Australia earned six figures. No. That's what we've been told.

Yeah, that's what we've been told. I thought that was the vibe, my dudes. Well, this is what we asked you for Siddha Little Poll. Which would you prefer, higher salary to work in an office or lower salary to work from home? 75% of people said higher salary to work in an office. 25% said lower salary to work from home. Interesting.

Everyone else is wrong, says our first respondee. Work from home, do the washing and chores throughout the day, have the weekends for fun, don't use my name in case my boss finds out. Fair enough. Love that. And Shannon did trim off this person's username, but at the bottom,

this is the first time this person's messaged the show. Oh, wow. So it says, do you wish to accept this message from full name? Oh, okay. Shannon missed that out, but we won't say the name. I'm not going to say the name

because I like the cut of this person's jib. Yeah. Don't know what to wash it on the coming time. If you're getting the job done and you're getting your washing done, who cares? Brian says, I'd go from a current $1,000 a week in the hand down to like $850 in the hand if I could work from home because that's how much it costs me to get to work. True that. Okay, so you've done the maths.

Yep. Right, maths working there. Marie says, because all the other idiots will be working from home. I'll go to work. Fridays are the best in our office because no one is there. Marie says, because all the other idiots will be working from home. I'll go to work. Fridays are the best in our office because no one is there. Yeah. So she gets out of the house. Fridays are the best because no one's there. No one's at her office. She's just one of the only people in the office. I thought it was fun

because it's like everyone's there and we're all having a drink at 12. No. No. I don't have enough motivation to work from home. I need the socialisation Says Zinnia Yeah Yeah same

A little bit And I wonder I didn't know I'd have you back In the office pretty quick If you weren't getting Your job done And I wonder

If people are going to find it Especially like young people That are starting out In industries If they're going to find it Hard to progress In their career Or up the ladder

Without the mingle Without mingling You know like You make an impression On people Theingle. Without mingling. You know, like you make an impression on people. The charming and the mingling. Yeah. Yeah. Mingling, I think it's called.

Mingling. I think it's work. You go to one of the work mingles. Sorry, yes, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if that's how it's said. Because we have it here.

Yeah, we've got Friday social. The NZB monthly mingle. Monthly mingle. Yeah. Emily says, working from home is great, but the cost of living is insane and working from home adds to your own bills. Yeah. Does it?

No, it does. You know, because you've got to pay for your computer. If it's cold and you're heating. You might have to set up with an office desk and chair. Yeah. Get yourself some thick socks, though, I'd say. Before you start turning on the heat pump all the time. Or maybe you could come into work and steal like paper and coffee and milk.

You do that, you take your cart. Yeah, on the one day of the week you're actually in there, you're just kind of shopping around the office for supplies. But we don't, like in Aussie, they can claim back heaps of stuff for their jobs, like tax-wise, if you've just got a normal salary job. Really? Yeah. Like if you use a computer.

I thought it was only freelance. Nah, my brother-in-law Sat down with an accountant And they were like Did you go outside for work? He's like Yep And they're like

Okay buy a big bottle of sunscreen We can claim that Just lots of stuff Yeah They should do that And it was PAYE at the time I wonder if they will now That a lot of people

Are working from home Maybe What? Amy says I want to travel So give me that money So she's just Yeah

Doing what she has to do. Depends on how much lower. I spend $100 a week travelling into the office every day of the week. So a slightly lower salary with less travel time and therefore more work-life balance would still work in my favour, says Hannah. Completely agree. Yes, because you also have to take into account

what that working from home gives you if you like that. What do you mean? You know, like, you might be sitting on the deck in the sun. Oh, yeah. You know if you like that. Yeah. What do you mean? You know, like, you might be sitting on the deck in the sun. Oh, yeah. You know? Work outside. Yeah. Have a wine. You might be there with your pets. Might be there with your pets. Or your doggies, and then you're saving doggy daycare.

That's true. Linda says, I love the social interaction of an office. So there you go. Some people like the social aspect of an office. Some people don't. Hey, you make it work for you. You said some people don't like, you don't enjoy the social aspect of an office. So there you go. Some people like the social aspect of an office. Some people don't. Hey, you make it work for you. You said some people don't like, you don't enjoy the social aspect of an office. No, I don't.

This is literally an office. This is what we're doing. Right here. Yeah, it's an office. We're socialising right now. Well, that just solidifies my opinion. Sounds like you need to mingle more. Yeah, you need to get out and mingle. I mingle too much. Put yourself out there and mingle. Next. My daughterjol too much. Put yourself out there and minjol. Next. My daughter is at that age.

Remember when you went to intermediate and you got to do like tech for the first time? Manual, we called it. Yes. Did you call it manual? Manual. Yeah, we went over the hill. Manual labour. Oh my God, you went over to Wainui Amata.

We went to Wainui. We didn't have it at our school in Eastbourne. We didn't have the woodwork facilities. Let's go over the hill and hang out with people and do some manual. Do some manual. You couldn't have gone to the hut or something?

Yeah, I know. Well, Indy came home yesterday from manual, or tech as we call it, livid. Livid? Okay. Shit, her words were livid.

Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. You know how you guys ask me if I have a favourite child and I always say, no, I don't have a favourite child? Yeah. Oh, the lozenge guys.

The lozenge has still got away. They also, both my children said the favourite part of their drive to school yesterday was how angry you got with me when I took my lozenge out. They were like, he was so angry, wasn't he, Dad? I was like, he was. He was. And Sade's like, I don't know how he's put up with you for this long, but I guess I've put up with you. I don't know how he's put up with you for this long, but I guess I've put up with you.

I don't know how she's put up with you for so long either. You guys should start a group. A therapy group. People that have put up with Ron for 20 years. It's why we drink. It's why we drink. You guys ask if I have a favorite child, and I say no. Well, I do.

Right at this moment, I do. At the weekend, it was August. Right. Because she helped me in the garden and didn't complain about it once and really liked it and then we went out for dinner and a movie. This is what my dad does all the time.

He's like, he'll say who his favourite is and at the moment it's my brother because he does stuff like he'd build a brick wall and he dug a hole and I was like, well I can't do that.

I can't do that. I'm not here. All it takes to be his favourite is to dig a hole and he can't be favourite. Well it's just anyone that does something for him you be the favourite son. Because dad's favourite is to dig a hole and he can't be favourite. What's just anyone that does something for him you become the favourite son

just for that moment. August was the weekend's MVP. Yep. I told her, I said, you're the MVP of the weekend. I didn't use the word favourite because I think that

probably sticks a little bit. Yeah, you remember that too. You're a woman. Indy's the favourite this week so far because at hockey she scored two goals and That's my old sport.

So you bloody love seeing your kids doing what you used to do. You should put her in the rep team like your mum put you in the rep team. Yeah, go on. I got the rep team, then my mum became the coach. I got in the rep team first. Nipple! He's a hockey nipple, baby. Hockey nipple!

Hockey nipple! He's basically Willow. Yesterday, sheapple. And he's basically Willow Smith. Yesterday, she came home. He's essentially Willow. He's basically Willow Smith. She, yeah, I am more of a Willow than a Jaden. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're not Jaden, huh? Yeah.

Even we wouldn't say that. No. Thank you. I appreciate that. So yesterday, Indy came home and she walked in, dropped a bag. And Wednesday's Tech Day. So she goes to school home and she walked and dropped a bag and Wednesday's tech day. So she goes to school really early. She does road patrol.

Don't want to brag. Oh my god, I did road patrol. Same. She's only doing it for the Rainbow's End trip at the end of the year. Oh yeah, we got a pool trip at the end of the year. We got nothing. We just got the warm fuzzies of knowing that we kept our girl cop. How many people has she lost? How many kids has she lost? She's kids has she lost?

She's still in single digits. Okay, yeah. Oh, that's all right. I got up to 12 and they said, maybe this isn't for you. This isn't for you. Wow. So, Road Patrol and then Tech Day. Someone said, WTF is Road Patrol? Jared, I don't...

What, you're just willy-nillying in South Africa? I don't know what you did in South Africa, but we have the lollipops, and we put them out. Jared's spectrum of schools is like South African Bush School to Kristen on the North Shore, which is one of New Zealand's most elite private schools. You don't need road patrol at Kristen,

because they all arrive in the Mercedes, darling. Exactly, in the Aldis. So the road patrol slowed down the BMW? Yes, it did. It did. It stopped it right in its tracks, darling. It was horrendously painful. And then the kids could cross.

So at primary, you didn't have road patrol. And you had a whistle. One of you had the whistle. You go, whoop, or whoop. Signs out. Signs out. And then you put the signs out. Safe.

Cross now. But in my day, you didn't have the holder yet to bloody. You had to hold your own signs. We had it swinging from a post. There's a hinge now. It's a hinge now. You had none of this. You're just raw dogging across the desert.

Yeah, pretty much. I've never heard of road patrol. Oh, my God. Bloody stampede of wildebeest come through. They lose a couple of blue farses. Excuse me, wildebeest. Signs out. Signs out.

Stop, please, wildebeest. You've never seen, like, road patrol ever? Like, driving around New Zealand? It's the big orange stop signs and the kids swing about. Sometimes it's parents. Everyone's got a high-vis vest on. Nah, haven't seen that. Well, then you might have ran over some children.

God. This is concerning. So, Wednesday's road patrol. She does that in the morning and then tech. She gets home from school. She drops her school bag and she says to me. Big day for the girl? Big day.

I'm livid. Her words, I'm livid. Dad, I'm livid. What's happened? She's like, you are not gonna believe this. The food tech teacher's vegetarian. Oh, for God's sake. She's just started food tech. Oh, no. She did wood tech.

She loved wood tech. Did she make a little... Mr. Bacon played that Teddy Swim song every time. Mr. Bacon. Did she make a... We made wooden pencil cases Mr Bacon played that Teddy Swim song every time. Mr Bacon. Mr Bacon. Shout out Mr Bacon. We made wooden pencil cases that were like animals. So the front was like a whale's head and the end was a tail and you like slid it out. That's pretty cool.

Oh, cool. She made a, they got to pick what shape bird it was and then it went in the wind and its legs ran around. She chose a wood pigeon. I was like, they don't even run. No. Famously, they fly. So is the teacher, is she going to delve into meat?

No. She doesn't. She's like, have you heard of chickpea burgers? Yum. And I was like, I have. And she's like, that's what we made today. But I guess I am so sorry to hear that. I guess like it's kind of cooking a patty, right?

Like that's the idea. It doesn't matter. And also, you know, preparing them for the future in which we can't farm anymore. That's not the future. Yeah, I know. It's bleak, but this is the world we're living in. That's a bleak future. Well, that's why I've taken such a strong stance against having children.

It's too late for you. A vegetarian burger. I'm livid. You shouldn't be allowed. She's livid. That's kind of like... To be fair, though, it's safer because, remember, I did give my food tech teacher at high school, Miss Punday,

food poisoning by cooking her the most pakeha butter chicken. Miss Punday, she was Indian. The most pakeha butter chicken, and the chicken was undercooked and she got sick. Surely she as the food tech teacher would have taken one bite into a piece of uncooked chicken and be like it's hard to tell though with all the sauce. I don't know how we hired Miss Panday.

You know, because she didn't notice. Yeah, right. I didn't pass. I was going to say did you pass? I didn't pass. Yeah, right. I didn't pass. I was going to say, did you pass? I didn't pass. No. Homeec. Home economics.

Because even though at the Stratford School they're breeding us. It's called food tech now, but it'll always be homeec in my mind. And sewing will be sewing, not textile, fabric or something. No, sewing. Hard tech would work. Oh, I'm sorry that she's so livid. She's livid. Did she make a good chickpea burger? I think she absconded.

She didn't do that for the group. She did. You should sneak a patty into her lunchbox. Yeah, say it's one of those impossible burgers. Yeah, I should be one of those real awful parents that makes a big deal out of nothing by sending her along with a pack of home kill mints and being like, you take that in and you tell that teacher

that we don't need that shit in our house. Yeah, do it, do it. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. My truck has just crashed into my parents' house. This is wild. Goodness. They've just clipped off the whole balcony off the front.

Oh, classic misjudge of height from the truck driver there. Yeah. I would like to say the truck is utterly stuffed. Anyway, that's what's going on in my life right now. Yeah. But what is even more harrowing than that is the fact that there is something making a return in the fashion world. It's all happening. Soon people are going to be wearing like our little owl necklaces

from Lavisa or like oh, I don't know, snoods. Snoods will be back. What were snoods? A scarf that was one loop. Oh yeah. One ring. Yeah. And you'd put it around cross, put it back around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Snood. Keep the neck warm. This was, now this is, I reckon it's on par with the capris making a comeback. Okay. Wedge shoes. Wedge shoes. So think. Yeah, I remember them. High heel. Often teamed with

the capri. But it's filled in. Cork. Yuck. Often cork. I know. Ooh. So I was just looking up, because I had a pair I bought off Trade Me in like 2008, a pair of Mipiachi suede black wedge heels. Okay. And they were the only heels I owned

and I wore the shite out of them. I wore them to my graduation in 2011. I wore them to the wedding at which I met all of Aaron's family in 2012. I wore those things to death. I thought they were the coolest things in the world because I saw a chick wearing them once and I was like,

that is fashion. Yeah. And then they worked their way out. Then it became more about the platform. It was a stiletto and then the platform and then, you know, the lower heels. And now they're back. This is worse than kitten heels.

Google kitten heels, Han. Have a look at the kitten heel. That was like a quarter heel. So ugly. Just a little pop. Really bad on a long foot. A kitten heel. Yeah, because you need the height To make sort of

Balance out the foot When you've got a long foot Which is a little heel It looks so embarrassing But their back I mean it's all Like all the celebrities Are wearing them

Even Bloody What's her name The princess Princess of Wales Her name is Catherine She's been wearing them

Those are probably Computer generated though Yeah probably She probably Yeah, probably. Yeah, she probably photoshopped those on after. Jennifer Lopez has them back. They're back. Run for the hills. Honestly.

You're not going to indulge at all? No, they're terrible. Stable. Way more stable than a stiletto. And if they're the cork ones, floatation device. The cork ones were so popular. And if they're the cork ones, a flotation device. The cork ones were so popular. And if they're the cork ones, a mini notice

board. Yes, pin up your reminders. And if they're the cork ones and you have a lovely bottle of rouge but you don't finish it, just hollow out a little bit. Off a cork in. No, this wine is too good. I just simply

can't have another glass. Oh, we don't want it to go off. I have an idea. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Boop. Done. Save the wine. With your cork wedge heel.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Yesterday, the school, the lunches and schools program, how this government's going to approach it was announced. The budget has been cut by $107 million,

but continues to have $478 million in the budget. So, you know. I think they said they were aiming to feed a child per meal $3. By doing it on bulk. But there will be no more woke food, which was like an unnecessary part of the

presentation. There won't be woke food involved. David Seymour said this. Just love saying woke. Get some people who get rocked up by that word, rocked up. Like sushi. Like woke sushi. What is woke sushi? Honestly.

God knows. Well, I've got the top six woke school lunches you won't see my children eating. Sorry. Right into the mic. It's okay. Number six on the mic. It's okay. Number six on the list. Biscuits. What?

Say it slowly. Biscuits. Bye. I've never said it. Biscuits are encouraging children to be bisexual, woke, and cancelled. Cancelled the biscuits. Biscuits. Cancelled. Next they want us to eat pancakes because they're pansexuals.

Canceled! It's too woke! Number five on the list of the top six woke foods you will not see in my children's school lunches. Whittaker's with the bilingual label. Stop forcing your language on me! Oh my god. It's woke! It's cancelled. It's with the bilingual label. Stop forcing your language on me. Oh my God. It's woke. It's cancelled.

It's off the menu. Number four on the list of the top six woke school lunches. You won't see my children eating. Hummus. Sounds too much like Hamas to me. Don't be forcing your ideologies on my kids with your hummus. Cancelled. Woke. your hummus. Cancel. Woke.

No hummus. It's so good for you. Cancel. Cancel. Great source of protein. Gosh. Number three on the list of the top six woke school lunches you won't see my children eating. Dragon roll sushi.

You know why? Why? Drag. They want our children to start dressing as drag queens. Woke. Cancel. Woke sushi. Maybe that's what David Seymour meant.

He saw the drag. The drag and roll. Sushi. Yeah, okay. Drag queen roll sushi. Wow. Why do they have to ram it down our throats?

I don't know. Number two on the list. Big long roll. Yeah. Seaweed wrapped long roll. Yeah, these snowflakes. Just say keywords, eh? Triggering keywords. Buzzwords. Number two on the list of the top six work school lunches. You shall not see my children eating anything that's been homogenized.

Oh. I won't have my children turning gay because of your woke milk. Oh, because of homo. Homogenized. Homogenized. Yeah. Because that's what they do with milk. They put it through the gay pipe.

Yeah. And make it homogenised. Yeah, because that's what they do with milk. They put it through the gay pipe. Yeah. And make it homogenised. Yeah, it's got butter and stuff in it until it goes through the homogenised machine that goes, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta. Ta, ta, no, no. Naughty bugs, naughty bugs, naughty bugs. Is that what's happening in the gay pipe?

That's the homogenised machine. I had no clue. And the milk is woke. Woke and it's cancelled. Wow. They can drink raw milk. Yeah, right. Like we used to back in the day.

Yeah. That's very unsafe though. I'd rather have my milk through the lefty. I also drink homo milk. Yeah. Fake news. Fake news. Fake news. Snowflakes.

God, I had no idea we were working with Liz Gunn. Fake news. Hamadryas milk is woke and thus cancelled. And number one on the list of the top six woke school lunches you will not see entering the mouths of my children. Leftovers. Why? It's got left in the title.

Political bias. Why are you always ramming it down our throats? That's woke. Leftovers are too woke. Could we have rightovers? Don't be stupid. That's not a thing. Stop making up things.

Sorry. Stop making up things. You and your woke kind Always making things up Just inventing things Pulling things from nowhere Making a problem out of something that's definitely not a problem You're too woke

You're cancelled What is this? I'm doing like the X to say it's over But then I whack my shoulders with some I'm just so full of masculine energy That is today's top six I'm trying to figure out

how this happened, so there is a woman her name is Celeste She lives in Is she one half of Daphne and Celeste? I don't believe U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi

You ugly Hey hey you ugly My god what are they doing now? I'm Daphne I'm Celeste God I hate the cassette I loved them so much Should I do that for my Friday flashback tomorrow?

U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi You ugly Hey hey you ugly Could you release a song like that these days? Your daddy? Your mother? Probably not.

With a big behind like Frankenstein. Go beep, beep, beep. Oh my God, it's all coming back. They really went after the entire family, didn't they? Up your butt like coconut? Anyway. Yeah, I don't know if you could release a song like that now. Celeste Cruz is 40 years old.

Yeah. Not the woman I'm about to talk about. No, different Celeste. She's got 5,000 years old. Yeah. Not the woman I'm about to talk about. No, different Solis. She's got 5,000 Instagram followers. Happy wife, mum of a... No, different woman. Mum of 11. Well, she could be a mum of 11.

No, I don't think that's the right... Wait, was she the ugly one or the... Who was the song about? Oh my God, Daphne's name is Karen. What? Karen DeConcetto. Karen Daphne DeConcetto. Oh, it's got toaphne's name is Karen. What? Karen Di Concetto. Karen Daphne Di Concetto.

It's got to be my Friday flashback tomorrow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, hot play. Hot. Daphne and Celeste, Save the World was the album. Hot play. Yeah, good stuff. Ooh, stick you, your mama too, and your daddy.

Oh, my God. What are you going to choose? Yeah. I'll have a big think about it. Hang on. I'm just giving them a hot follow on Instagram. Oh, my God. Daphne and Celeste I'm just giving them a hot follow on Instagram. Oh, my God. Daphne and Celeste the pair have 1,000 followers on Instagram.

Less than my mum. Anyway, I'm talking about a different Celeste. This Celeste is just a lovely young woman. She lives in London. She's 28 years old. She has been single for six years, and she's ready to mingle. Mingle. I think you've got it wrong. I think you've got it wrong. She's right years old. She has been single for six years and she's ready to mingle. Mingle. I think you've got it wrong.

I think you've got it wrong. She's right. Okay. She's single and ready. To mingle. Yep. And she said that she's been in the London dating scene for six years trying to find a genuine connection and it has not been going well. Yep.

A lot of London D-boys. So she broadened her search and she made a connection with a fella who happened to live in Spain. As you do. Malaga? Malaga. Malaga. Yeah. So this would be like being on a dating app in New Zealand

and then you just, I don't know. Just add Australia. You just browse Australia and match with. Closer, right, to get from London to Spain? A few hours. Cheaper. Way cheaper. If you're worried about the Ryanair.

But also it doesn't add up because if you're worried about the D-bags in New Zealand, expanding your search to Australia is probably only increasing your chance of a D-bag catch. Not getting a fresh pot of delicious Spanish lovers. your search to Australia is probably only increasing your chance of a D-bag catch. Yeah, yeah. Not getting a fresh pot of delicious Spanish lovers. London to Barcelona, two hours. Madrid, two hours, 20. So Auckland to Christchurch, basically.

Yeah. Or yeah, Auckland to Queenstown. Auckland to Queenstown. So she ended up chatting with this guy and they had really great banter and she was like, do you know what? Take a shot. And she bought a return trip for like roundabout in New Zealand dollars, 500 bucks and was like, you know what?

If this doesn't work out, it's actually been worth it for the thrill and it was all exciting and the chat was great. And she got to go to Spain. She got to go to Spain. 48-hour date. Flew over there. They went sightseeing. They ate delicious food. She shared some

photos of them walking around, holding hands. She said it was one of the best most fun dates she's ever been on. And if it doesn't turn into anything, what a thrill. What a great time. No update on whether or not they're going for a second date. Now did they?

You would if you went all that way. Or just ask. She doesn't mention in the article? Well, I'm looking at her, and I think she's quite attractive. Yeah. So I'm imagining he's quite attractive. You're telling me you're a spy. There's no photo of him.

No photo. She kept him anon. We only see his hand in one photo. Is it an attractive hand? Yeah. It's a good hand? It looks like a good hand. Good hand? his hand in one photo. Is it an attractive hand? Yeah. It's a good hand? Looks like a good hand. Big?

Big hand? Big hand. So as it stands currently, they're like, yeah, we're just going to keep doing this. He might come. Because $500 is a lot for a Europe flight. So I'm imagining that was last minute. But if you book out, you can get Ryanair flights for like $70. 10 pounds or something.

Yeah, totally, totally. So you would, right? And you get to go like he gets to go to London and see some shows and then she gets to go to Spain and see some churches and beaches and stuff. I mean, I guess it's no different than if you were in, I don't know, in another city in New Zealand meeting someone. Totally.

Well, she's been slammed a little bit online. People are like that's way too much money to spend on a date. But she's like, six years I've been going through the London Boys and it's not working. Why not? Anyway, it has sparked in me somewhat of a phoner. Okay. That I want to know how far you went for a date. When did you take a chance at something and go, you know what?

Yeah, I'll travel. Maybe it was a dating app and you were swiping somewhere in the world and you started chatting with someone and you were like, you know what? Yeah, I'll travel. Maybe it was a dating app and you were swiping somewhere in the world and you started chatting with someone and you were like, you know what? Let's do this one. Yeah, I know lots of people that feel like they've exhausted the local... Cuisine. Cuisine on the dating apps and have definitely gone like,

you know what? Maybe I would go to Christchurch or Dunedin or whatever for the right guy. I actually really love this story. A woman in London flew all the way to, what is it, Malaga? Yeah, in Spain. Malaga in Spain for a first date. Why not, she thought. And it went well and she had a lovely time and they're bouncing back and forth.

I feel like pre-pandemic this would have been affordable and an option. But now with flights. Even seeing that London to Spain was 250 pounds, I was like, oh, I thought the days of like, you know, jump on for the weekend. But anyway, she made the, you know, made the gamble. And so we want to know how far you went for a date. Sam, how far did you go?

I was a skin instructor in California for a while. Okay. And then I met this girl while I was a ski instructor in California for a while. Okay. And then I met this girl while I was teaching. And then she said, look, come and visit me in New York. I'm at NYU and it'll be fun and we can hang out. And so I was like, yeah, cool. And so we talked and things. And then I booked these flights to New York and turned up, rung her up.

And then her roommate answers from the dorm and I'm like, oh, hey, is she here? And I'm here to see her and she's like, oh, no, no, no, you can't see her. And I'm like, what? And she's like, oh, she realised you're not Jewish. And I'm like, oh, I didn't realise. Oh, no. I was on my way across to New York. Five and a half hour flight, I just't realise. Oh, no.

Across to New York. Five and a half hour flight, I just saw. Shove a couple of shalongs in there and we can still get down, baby. Oh, Jewish when we're in the dark. I don't know if that's a saying. I don't think that's a saying, yeah. That's like a five hour flight. You can't see her. What about the roommate?

Was she Jewish too? Like, we're there. We might as well try to find a silver lining. I think it was an end of story there. Yeah. But anyway. She changed her mind between you saying, I'm coming. Like, you just didn't show up out of the blue.

Oh, no. No, we've been talking for a while. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. And I'm Oh, no. No, we've been talking for a while. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. And I'm like, oh. Okay. How did it end, Sam?

How did it end? What happened in New York? Tell me the good end to the story. Oh, well, I mean, I was staying in this real run-down hostel and there was like all sorts of horrible things. I talked to the hostel owner. Yeah. And he was like, oh, I've heard of this story before.

And a big Jewish heavies came round to the hostel and said, don't come and see my daughter type thing. And I was like, what? So this is like a thing? Oh, right. Okay. He's like, yeah, look, I don't want any trouble, guys. Just, you know, just leave it.

Jesus. Oh, yeah. Well, I wanted a happy ending. I wanted some marriage. Sam, thank you. Let's go now to Levin. Good morning. Anonymous.

Hey, morning, team. How are you? Good morning. Top notch. So far, it's the guys that are going the extra distance here for the girls, eh? That does not surprise me at all. We are bewitching, aren't we? How far did you go, Anonymous, for a date?

Well, I just shot over to the Gold Coast, Surfers Paradise. Right, which is pretty much the Levin, isn't it, of Australia? So you were in Levin? Oh, yeah, I was. Yeah, yeah. It's only a three-hour flight,

so, you know, you'd get there in the same time you drive up to Taupo, really, wouldn't you? No, but you've got to get from Levin to Wellington. No, we're now at Palmy, actually. Okay. Oh, yeah, Palmy. Does Palmy still do a surface flight, or that was a by-line error? Yeah, Cargouli.

Yeah. Is it Cargouli Airport you landed? Cargouli, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, Koolingatta. Koolingatta. Yeah, Koolingatta. Koolingatta.

It's Koolingatta. It is Kooli. Yeah, it's Kooli, yeah. And how did the date go, Anonymous? No, it was awesome, because I'd known the girl for a while, for a long time, so I spent a week over there. It was the middle of winter, actually, too, in New Zealand, so I got over there, and it was like 22 degrees in there,

so we were riding like jet boats in the harbour. Oh, man. Love it. It was gorgeous. You know, the sunrise on surface, how everyone goes down to the beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a beauty. I've never been.

I'd love to go. I'd love to go. I'll tell you what, if Surface Paradise Tourism's listening, you've got three huge fans of Kool-Aid. Yeah. Let's get over there. I love the place.

Well, she wanted me to move over, but I just didn't. Oh. I didn't have a house and mortgage and all that, so I didn't align at the time, but yeah, yeah. I was going to say, was there a happy ending there? But no. No, we still talk, but like a bit distant now.

I went off very short, you know. Yeah. But I was actually in the middle of COVID too. Oh, okay. Naughty boy. So, you know, like how we had that last, that little level three, I just got back into the country before the next day we went into lockdown. Oh, yeah.

My parents were the same. They did an Australian rental. What do they call those things? Motorhome. Oh, yeah. West Coast of Australia. Just got back in. Anonymous.

Wait, can Anonymous, Anonymous, have you found love since? No. Oh, I've been on, not, I guess, I've been sampling the menu, I guess. but I've been sampling the menu, I guess. I'm looking for the right one. He's sampling the tapas,

but he's not using it on the mains. It's the live-in tapas. Thank you, Anonymous. Good luck out there. Some more messages in. I'll be going to Invercargill from Christchurch, says Chantel, and then two upside-down smiley faces, so.

You're going to Invercargill? Yes, from Christchurch. It Chantel, and then two upside down smiley faces. You're going to Invercargill? Yes, from Christchurch. Auckland to Taupo, been together five years now. Oh, okay. So that was worth it. I flew from Hamilton to Blenheim, but it all worked out and we're still together. Maybe a lovely vineyard date. I'd like to know where they settled.

Beautiful Blenheim. Vineyards. Yeah. Gorgeous. Or Hamilton. You're from Hamilton. where they settled. Beautiful, Blenheim. Vineyards. Yeah. Gorgeous. Or Hamilton. You're from Hamilton. You can't say a bad thing about it. I didn't say a bad thing.

I just didn't say a good thing. I just said Hamilton. Okay, right. You know I love Hamilton. The river city. The gardens. The gardens. The river.

They need to turn that main street around and face the city. I'm thinking about running for emirate. You do it. I'll vote. Listen to this. I'm assuming this person now lives in New Zealand, from Singapore to New Zealand, to meet someone I'd met on Facebook.

Oh, wow. Now I'm married for eight years and counting. Oh, that's cute. We love that. I drove from Paihe to Rotorua and Mount Maunganui for a date. It was a miserable flop. Miserable flop. Miserable flop. Imagine being called a miserable flop. Miserable flop? Miserable flop.

Imagine being called a miserable flop. Oh my god. Did you meet someone? Not really. He was a miserable flop. It's a scathing review. Travelled to Colombia to meet someone for the first time. Si papi. We'd been talking

for over a year. My family was so scared for me. It was 36 hours of travel to get there. Guys, we've heard from a lesbian. Always welcome here at the show. What happened? Did they, what happened once they got there? No further word on the Columbia update. See Barbie.

It's a beautiful country. From our lesbian listener. Could she clarify? Wait, you made it sound like we've got one lesbian listener. We're actually the radio. Yeah, from our lesbian listener. We're the radio show of choice for lesbians.

Are we? We won the 2023 Lesbian Awards and I hope we can go back to back. No my heart am I. I'm from America. I don't know what the

lesbians call that position. But no not quite. Is it not? Almost. Back to back. Okay. I won't say that. The lesbian says

I'm from America I flew to New Zealand for a girl not with her anymore but I am here 10 years later. Because then she clarified by the way I'm a lesbian from America. I flew to New Zealand for a girl. Not with her anymore, but I am here 10 years later. Because then she clarified, by the way, I'm a lesbian from America.

You know, Xena did a lot for New Zealand lesbians. I know. We really sold our lesbian culture. She cracked open the market. Really put us on the lesbian map. Yeah. Which until that point,

like a lot of world maps, New Zealand wasn't on. No. And then Xena happened. A lot of, A lot of... A lot of... If you're rocking around our age, man, we all had these.

Now, that's what I call music. I had one through, I think, ten. Wow. Nine was the snooker ball ten was the something they all like album art and whatnot compilation cds yes uh that have been and they were all around the world because it blew my mind they were in america too yeah they were everywhere yeah the first one was slightly different because they always had to have a couple of new zealand songs on there yeah didn't they? Yeah, it was like what's charting in our country.

What music label was it? Because that was the other thing. All of the music was from one music label. Yeah. Well, this was 1997 and I had this one on tape. Now that's what I call music. Chumbawamba. Universal.

Tub Thumping, that was number one. Bitch by Meredith Brooks. Alone by the Bee Geesoks alone by the bgs love for the cardigans because the girlies you've you car when you discovered this they're on spotify now yeah so i was on tiktok as always and someone was like guys do you know that now that's what i call music is on spotify yeah man and so i went on to it so they have a section for the new zealand one it looks like ours only went up to 63. But when you Google it, across the world, it went up to 117.

Wow. So we had in 1985, and now that's what I call music, vinyl. And then they were like, that went well. Seven years later in 1992, they said, now that's what I call music, volume one. And that went up to volume three. And then there was a four-year break. And they restarted it in 97 with Now That's What I Call Music. On CD. And then it went two, three, four, five, six,

right up to 2020 Now That's What I Call Music 61. That was going to be my question. When did they stop or are they still even going? I don't know. The last, I just found the last one I had, which was That's What I Call Music 9, sorry.

Okay. It featured Because I Got High by Afro Man, Let Me Blow Your Mind, even Gwen Stefani, Pure and Simple, nine, sorry. Okay. It featured Because I Got High by Afro Man. Let Me Blow Your Mind, even Gwen Stefani. Pure and Simple, hearsay. Oh yeah. Wherever you go. Oh God, careful. Is this the radio edit? Well, it's in the system.

It'll be the radio edit. Everyone's like, oh, I was gonna eat. Yeah. You know when you're in a retail store And the staff just put music on And they don't really think about Sometimes

I know I'm like we're playing Eminem today are we Are we going back to his original albums are we This is so crazy It has Kay Lee One plus one plus one It ain't two

It's Raining Men Jerry Halliwell We had All Rise baby It has Kaylee, 1 plus 1 plus 1, it ain't 2. It's Raining Men, Jerry Halliwell. We had All Rise by Blue. God, you've got to play that. Give me a little bit of that. One for the money and the... This was Jerry Halliwell's. And Blue All Rise. All Rise.

What year was that, 2001? 2002. This is... I don't know. It doesn't say on this. Temperature's rising. The marbles are getting something. Yeah.

Blue all rise. I love that these are on here. This is... Do you know what? These are the kind of albums you listen to so much, I could remember the order. The order. Because one song,

just the natural song to go after it. Yeah. You always remember one song would end, you'd be like. I think you're about to say these are the albums

you would drink to now. Yes. Like, yeah. Also that. Well, if you want to take it, yeah, number eight was The Pool Ball.

If you want to take a little walk down memory lane, all of them are on Spotify. No, that's them are on Spotify. No, that's what I call music. Producer Jared would like it for the record. Blue All Rise was, when music peaked, it's all been downhill since this masterpiece. That's a strong opinion.

We are blue now. No, we're Daphne and Celeste. Lay to rest. Sorry, tomorrow on the show, my Friday flashback will be Daphne and Celeste. Lay to rest. Sorry, tomorrow on the show, my Friday flashback will be Daphne and Celeste. I don't know which one yet. It's a banger. Free for the laws.

You've been breaking. You can find all of those playlists on Spotify next. You are not happy, Vaughn. I hate to soil the laws. You've been break-in. You can find all of those playlists on Spotify next. You are not happy, Vaughan. I hate to soil the mood. I hate to. You know me. The mood's up. I'm a ray of sunshine.

The human rainbow. The sexy wheelbarrow. I've had my heart broken. By society. By society. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Trigger warning Theft

Thank you I'm Livid You're livid I'm Society's let me down You know me Huge fan of society

I think your expectations Are set too high When it comes to society To be honest I look for the best In everybody Well I've been robbed.

What of? Eggs. Who stole eggs? The Smith egg cart was out for business yesterday. Oh my god, are you kidding me? Four dozen. So you have like an honesty box.

Correct. The girls have set this up, have they? Correct, yeah, they wanted to do it. One weekend we built this. It was for when they were doing Fijos last year. I have not had a bumper crop of Fijos this year. I'll be honest with you. I'm a little disappointed. Okay, well that's not society's fault.

That's not society's fault. No. That's the biannual. Is biannual every second year? Because don't Fijos really hump it every other year? I don't know. I just thought they always... And all my Fijawa trees are in sync. Okay, right. Right.

It'd be good if they were like on different years. Yeah, right. It's a problem when they all work together. Yeah. When they all work together, they sync up. You know my thoughts on unions. Disband a lot of them. The free market will take care of it. You've got like an honesty stall at the end of your road. At the end of our driveway and I wheel it in and out

according to if there's anything. Do you need to borrow some money? Some money, Juan? I know your mortgage is up, but I don't think you're going to bloody feed Joe your way out of this. I got bills. So there was enough eggs where I'd check them all. I did the float test on a lot of them.

I was like, let's get the egg cart out. Beautiful. And there were four dozen eggs. Do you need a permit to be selling, like, food to people? Red tape, red tape, red tape. Are you giving a cut to Luxton? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, you're obviously telling the IRD what you're making off these eggs.

Additional income. Yeah, of course. But if it's not taxable. I write everybody an invoice. It's not taxable if it's cute kids selling food. I believe it's not taxable. I write everybody an invoice. It's not taxable if it's cute kids selling food. I believe it's a cute kid loophole. Yeah. And I always get them to write fresh eggs on the little chalkboard thing on the side

because then no one wants to rip off a kid. Or do they? Yesterday, I went to get the egg cut in. At the end of the day, I thought we're not getting any business now. Yeah. The sun's going down. Got the egg cut in. At the end of the day, I thought we're not getting any business now. Yep. The sun's going down. Got the egg cut in. There was one dozen eggs left.

So three are gone. So I'm expecting three are gone. Correct that. Great maths from you. Three are gone at $10 a dozen. That's a great price. That's free range. You guys have had these eggs.

You can vouch for these eggs. Also, we don't get $15 a dozen eggs. We don't get free eggs anymore. We used to, eh? We used to. Because the price of the chicken food's gone up. vouch for these eggs. Also, we don't get $15 a dozen eggs. We don't get free eggs anymore. We used to, eh? We used to. Because the price of the chicken food's gone up. All that it's doing,

it's a circular system. I'll pay $5. We get free eggs out of it because we sell the excess eggs and then we use that money to buy the chicken food. And chicken food's very expensive. And my chickens,

they're fussy ladies. Right. They're fussy ladies. They won't eat the lay pellets. They demand seeds and molasses. Seeds are expensive. They're fussy ladies Alright They're fussy ladies They won't eat the lay pallets They demand Seeds And molasses Seeds are expensive

They're fussy ladies So it's circular The money that's made Just buys them more food We get the eggs The XSEN Can't we call her For some eggs?

Gold coin? It's not enough You've just listened To me tell you They've got fussy ladies So I go to get it in I undo the lockbox Expecting $30 $20 tell you. They've got fussy ladies. So I go to get it in. I undo the lock box expecting

$30 $20. Someone's helped themselves to a dozen of the eggs. Do you think they took three eggs and just had a $20 and said that'll do? It will not do. The price is $10.

No but it's an honesty box. No but you take two eggs. You take two dozen rather than three if you've only got $20. That's not do. The price is $10. No, but it's an honesty box. No, but you take two eggs. You take two dozen rather than three if you've only got 20. That's not honest. That's dishonest. Yeah. Now, I don't want to have to do this. How honest?

Dishonest. What are you going to do? We all cried last night. Oh, my God. And we had to execute three chickens. Because we just can't afford to feed them anymore. How did you do it? Because someone stole them from you. And we ate them. And the children said we just can't afford to feed them anymore. How'd you do it? Because someone stole them.

And then we ate them. And the children said, Pappy, what's this soup? You said it's Jennifer. And I said, they said it's not like, there's not large chunks of protein in it. I said, that's because they're laying hens,

but times, they're tough. Yeah. Wow. Why don't you have a camera or a fake camera? I'm going to get a fake camera. Get a fake camera? I'm going to get a fake camera. Get a fake camera. I'm going to get a fake camera. It's going to be like, and I'm going to put one of those.

Make it a toilet roll. A toilet roll and a tissue box. And some salivating. And a string. And a string for the cable. Yes, yes, yes. Spray paint it. And then on the thing, one of those signs,

smile, you're on candid camera. Gotcha. Or just get a smile, you're on camera sign from like my team. And then they'll look for the camera, but they won't be able to see one. Yeah. Or just get a smile of your own camera sign from like my team. And then they'll look for the camera but they won't be able to see one. Yeah. Or poison eggs. Poison eggs. Put cyanide in the eggs. Put cyanide in the eggs.

And then when they pay, a mist goes and neutralises the cyanide. But if they don't pay, they just take the eggs. Now this is sounding quite expensive. So the egg price is going to have to come up. The egg price is going up. We're now $20 a dozen for the eggs because I've got to recoup the cost on the tissue box to make a fake camera.

And the cyanide, I don't know how much that costs. Well, we'll use the tissues. We've got a box on the go, so you can have that. We'll donate that. I could use this Barocca tube. I could point that out at the end and make it look like a little camera. And then the camera that you install,

you can get AI involved. So if the money isn't received, it deploys maybe like a crossbow or road spikes. You stop them. A crossbow. You stop them. And I just watched Fallout and got crossbowed in the neck. That would be perfect. That would deter theft.

Or what if underneath the egg cart, there's an LPG bottle hooked up to a flamethrower, my weird flamethrower. Yes, yes, yes. And if they take the eggs without first putting the money in, burn them. Burns their arm. Burns the sins.

Yes. Shins. And then I go to the local, I ring around the hospitals. Yes. Find out what it is. Anybody come in with burnt shins. Yes.

Yes, someone in triage right now, burnt shins. I reckon baseball bat. Yeah, but what if it's just a lady that opened her oven and, I don't know, a muffin rolled out onto her shin? I think I'd be able to tell the difference between a muffin abrasion on the shin and a 250-degree Celsius flame spurt.

As I'm at the baseball bat, I'd be like, show me the shin. And she'd be showing me and I'd see a little chocolate chip smear. I'd be like, you're good. You're good. You're not my. But be warned. Don't steal eggs from honesty boxes. Someone's message saying, don't tell us the camera will be fake.

It could be a listener. I reckon you'd be able to tell. I reckon you might be able to tell. If it's a fake camera. And he's made it out of a tissue. And a toilet roll. That's the one. I'm going to get a real camera

and put it on like hidden and then this... But your costs are just going up and up and up. It's principle now. It's a principle matter. We've got to catch the thief. You're currently only $10 down and now you're buying a $1,000 camera.

What if it's a fox? Or just get an Alsatian on a chain. That's also a great idea. How much are Alsatians? More than a tissue box. And do they eat eggs? Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

I, listen, I love phone calls. It's to the point, I mean, we're a big voice memo group. This show, if we've got more to say than just a little bit of boing, boing, ping pong messaging. But I love a phone call. Unless it's from an unknown number and they're like, oh my God, pay, pay this, pay that. I'm always like, you can wait.

But other than that, I love a phone call. Apparently there was a poll about like phone behaviours and how people are using their phones. It was multi-generational, this poll. And one of the startling facts from it was that a quarter of people between the age of 18 and 34, that's me, love being in this bracket, by the way. Yeah.

Okay, just hang in there. You'll be scrolling down. Freshies from high school all the way up to me. Yeah, I know. There's more of a scroll to get back to 1989, I tell you what.

But apparently a quarter of people aged between 18 and 34, me, have never answered their phone. Never. That is mind-blowing. They just simply ignore it when it rings and opt to text back or say, hey, put it in an email. Because they

don't like the confrontation. But surely, out of those quarter of all those people that have never answered the phone, there's got to have been one moment where they had to because it was very important. Like a doctor calling back with results or, I don't know, a courier with results or, I don't know,

a courier with your package. I know. I know. They'd rather text them. They're like, I don't want to talk on the phone. Works. Like a family member calling to say someone's died. Text me. What, you're just not answering?

Text me. I need to talk to you. Your dad, text me. Put it in a text. I don't want to talk. Dad's dead. Lol. You're like, why is that funny?

They think it means lots of love. Yeah. Oh, they do. Yeah, sometimes they do. So they just say, it's a number of reasons. They don't want to do it. They don't want to do it. They feel pressured.

They're anxious on the phone. And then they, so a lot of people were replying to this. It went online. A lot of people were being like, I've got my phone on silent, vibrate off, never answer a call. Yeah. I'll check for texts and answer them at my whim. Yeah.

And then they were like, yeah, I've never answered a phone call in my life. Why would I do that? That is wild. They find it confrontational. Someone trying to talk to them on the phone. That's just a means of communication. I do find it weird though now

when you do get a call from a friend. Just like, hello. Hi. Because so much of it is voice memo or messages and group chats.

Yeah. So when you do get a call, it's like if Vaughn calls me, I know it's good goss. Yeah. I know something's up. If it's a video call, he wants to see our face

when he tells us. You got it. Yes. I like those ones. You just got it. But you'll always, you never raw dog a call to us. You'll always message. Yeah. We're available for a chat here.

If I know the person calling me, if it's saved in my contacts, I'll always answer it. But if it's unknown, I won't because a lot of them are spam calls. No caller ID, I don't. I see the curiosity gets the better of this. Pussy cat. Yeah, meow, meow. Meow, meow. I've got better of this, pussycat. Yeah, meow, meow. I don't meow, meow.

I've got to answer meow, hello. The thing is you answer. That's how I might start answering numbers I don't know. Meow, hello. Meow, hello. Because then they think, did he just say meow? But then if they ask, did you just say meow? I'll say no, I said hello.

No, I'd hang up thinking I'd called like a cat cafe or something. Meow, hello. Yeah, great. Yeah. That's a quirky trait that you're going to introduce into your life here. What can I say? I'm so random. You're so random.

A Waikato couple escaped to Queenstown for a lovely getaway. Nice. Not cheap, but worth it. Now, I said agricultural contractors. Okay. You're haymakers. You're silage balers. Right.

Et cetera. He's a contractor as in a bloody earthworks contractor. Oh, yeah, okay. That's hot. So, takes a break from the hard yakker of big diggers. Yep. Trucks. Hot bulldozers.

There's places you can pay and you can go on those big diggers. Down in the cargo way, eh? Oh, I want to do that. I want to do that. Bloody good fun. Bit of heavy machinery. Don't mock me. No, I want to do it.

I mean, I want to do it. She was just being some sort of Italian cartoon dog. I want to do it. Why is that Italian cartoon dog driving a digger? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Why is he Italian?

Well, I mean, we've all got to have a job. What do you want him on the benefit? Just another Italian cartoon dog on the benefit. Is that what you want? Unemployment at record highs? No. He wants to drive a digger.

He's qualified. Okay, let him drive a digger. Sure. So they take a break. Reese and the missus, they take a break, go to celebrate a one-year anniversary.

Congratulations. One-year anniversary we're in Queenstown. Book a romantic get go to celebrate a one-year anniversary. Congratulations. One-year anniversary. We're in Queenstown. Book a romantic getaway to Queenstown. They had booked it. They'd seen the photos. Yep. From a beautiful deck spa.

You would overlook the lake. Oh, beautiful. The big lake there. Yeah. That lake. That lake. Yeah. However, when they got there, a subdivision was being built in front of where they were staying.

So they didn't get away from the big yellow diggers at all. No, it was like he was back at work. And how frustrating would that be? Being in a hot tub trying to relax and seeing some dickhead not doing it right. You'd be like, I'm putting on my trousers. He's like, I just not, I'll be back in a minute. Puts on his straps down there.

He's like, you coming from that way? The photo's quite funny. It is so funny. Because it's a gorgeous, one of those beautiful stainless steel tubs. Like a cedar hot tub? Yeah. No, like a stainless steel. Oh, stainless steel.

She says stainless steel. No, there's stainless steel inside and there's cedar outside. It looks like a straight up metal tub. I think it's just metal tub. Okay. Like the ones that Taika Waititi has at his house. I don't know. I've never been to Taika's house.

Haven't you? No. Oh my God, you've never lived. The stories I could, I've never been. I've literally never been. I just know that he has one. From Instagram? Yeah, yeah.

They posted a photo of like someone else enjoying that property. I guess that's how it was advertised to them. And then, yeah. There's construction. a massive construction site. It's a funny photo. The value of that house has gone down a lot, hasn't it? There was another in this story available at edzherald.co.nz, keyword search, couple book romantic Queensland holiday for anniversary.

That's how I found it. Yeah, okay. Because you found the story, but you just sent through a screen cap. That's no good to me. I can't read the bulk. I can't read the goodies. I can't read the goodies. I can't get the details. And you know I'm a details-driven guy.

Did you see on this article at nzhero.co.nz forward slash romantic couple book holiday in Queenstown, there was someone else who shared a Queenstown getaway. Yes. And it says, we booked a room with a view in Queenstown and they get there

and there's a big plasma screen TV with a live stream of the view from the top floor. Yeah. The camera live streams into all the rooms and that's your view of the lake. Not a window in sight. That is misleading. Yeah. It does suck though because when you book

a holiday, you do. You do your research. You look at the photos. You look at TripAdvisor and you're like, this is going to be great. We're going to get this view. Or we're going to get this kind of room. Or this kind of Airbnb. And then you get there and you're like, oh, this is not like the photos.

We did one of those eco-friendly stays once and it was like eco-friendly stay. It looked all quaint and stuff. It meant cold. And shitting in a sawdust bag and shitting yeah and a toilet that we were like

I'm not pooping in there I don't trust it and then just some like body wash it was like eco store yeah and you're just freezing to death because they don't have heaters

we want to know when the booking didn't quite live up to expectation yeah or when it didn't match the photos yeah yeah yeah you turn up

and it's not quite maybe the photos were taken in the late 90s. Bali villas will be big on this. I booked a, oh yeah, when they take the photos when they're first developed. Yeah. Yeah, like the day it was made on a sunny day. And no one stayed in there.

The pool has not been swum in yet. And they use those photos for 10 years. Yeah. I booked a hotel room once and it didn't have any windows. It was like in the back of the hotel. No, you're confused. That was when you went to prison for six months. And that I booked a hotel room once and didn't have any windows. It was like in the back of the hotel. No, you're confused. That was when you went to prison for six months. And that wasn't a booking.

I didn't think it was a prison. No, that was on booking.com. Can you book your own cell on booking.com? Because I'll get ahead. You can actually stay in like old jails. In old jails. Yeah. Pay extra for like breakfast in the morning.

Oh, you're on a train. Yeah. But no, and like the photos had windows overlooking the city, but then I just got there and I was only there for one night. I didn't care. I was hardly in the room. I'd go mad. And it was so weird.

It was like being in some kind of weird basement, but the hotel was just on that side of the building and it's just against a wall. You're just in the middle. Horrible. Well, give us a call. 0800 Dials at Amazon number. You can text through 9696.

When did what you get not match the booking? When did what got you? Hold on. When got you which did you get? When did what you got? Wait, hang on. You're the one that went to private school, eh? Yeah, I done private school.

Okay. When done you get what you got? Yeah. When you get what you got. Yeah. When you seen what you saw. When you seen what you saw, when it done not matched the booking. When you been done holiday. When you been done, when you done a holiday. When you done a holiday and you been placed.

And when you seen it. Yeah. When did it not match the booking? Okay. When did it not match the booking? Oh, 800,000 M. That's what she said, don't repeat her. I'm talking about when the book, the book.

We're talking about when the photos, the booking didn't match expectations. Yeah, because, do you know, I just realised this happened to us. When we were in Sedaman in Bali, we had one of those like tranquil, in the forest, you know, lovely, you know, villas and stuff. We got there. Namaste. Namaste to you we got there. Namaste. Namaste to you. Namaste. And we got there and it was the pits. There was blood on the sheets

and the toilets were outside. They were like you had to go out on this little balcony and the toilet was just out there and it rained the whole time. Was that in the booking? Did you do your research? Yeah we did our research. They looked stunning in the booking. At the bottom of the booking you can tick that box for clean

sheets. If you don't tick that box, sometimes you will get blood sheets. Tell them that I didn't click clean sheets. Always tick the box for clean sheets. That's on me then, actually. I'll take that back. It is. Liz Hickson calls Chloe. When did the booking not live up to expectations?

So I was living in France at the time, a different part of France. My mum and mum were on holiday and we went to Paris. This was a whole peasant trip. So we booked an Airbnb. I didn't have data on my phone. I can't remember why at the time, but we went to a McDonald's first for Wi-Fi to find the location, follow the map.

Went to the location, couldn't find it, obviously. I was new to France, so I couldn't read French. Went back to McDonald's. It took three minutes of going, three minutes, three hours of going back between the Wi-Fi McDonald's and the supposed location. You get some nuggies each time, eh? Yeah.

I just will say it's great that the show sponsor there has provided you with some free Wi-Fi there. McCafe. Great things are brewing on the go. It didn't give us a result because it turns out their location's actually not even, there was no building, there was nothing. It was a, what, a scam Airbnb? Yeah.

Well, like, there was a building there, but the Airbnb itself was not there. The building belonged to somebody else. When you booked the Airbnb, were there no other reviews for this property? Honestly, I can't even remember, but I do remember it being like a, it was a cheap trip. So potentially I didn't even look at the review. I can't even remember that. Yeah. But yeah, it turned out to be nothing.

So then we went and spent a hell of a lot of money on a hotel because it was so last minute that we needed somewhere to stay. It was nightclub. Of course. Wild. Yeah, I mean, it didn't match the photos because it didn't exist. It wasn't there. Chloe, thank you. Colleen, good morning.

When did the photos or the expectations not match the actual place we stayed? Well, good morning. I rang you last week with the crocodile incident. Oh, the crocodile behind the feet. I love this. You saw the crocodile with the leg in its mouth. Yeah, after the thieves tried to escape through the river. We've got you saved in our phone system now as Safari Colleen.

I love it. Well, I didn't go to somewhere where I wasn't but I've had clients turn up thinking that they're going to have room service, air conditioning and you know phones in their rooms but they've actually booked a safari tent

yeah yeah this is not good no they've got this really weird illusion and you get, you know, where's my phone, where's the air conditioning? And you're like, no, you're on safari, you're actually in a tent. And then they turn up for their safari guide, you know, on a drive. And I turn up and they're really disappointed because they have this illusion

of this, you know, huge, strong black man that's going to take him on safari. And if I put nothing, blonde girl turns up. Not quite the same, is it? Boo, not authentic. Boo. Not authentic. It is, like, I've booked, like, I remember booking, like, when I went up the, when I did the hike in Guatemala

and there was so much on the website, like, managing expectations. You're not staying in a hotel. It's a hut with a foam mattress. Like, there will be other people next to you. Like, yeah, you've got to manage your expectations when you're booking something like that. When we did the hike with Sade, my wife, and she expected,

like, we were telling her how dock huts are very simple and she just, I think she thought we were just joking around. She was like, where's the chef? And I was like, we told you. There isn't a chef here. Yeah. Where's the Nespresso? I'm exhausted.

There isn't one. One more cappuccino, please. Colleen, thank you. Some messages in. Safari, Colleen. When did it not match the booking? My mum and I stayed at an Airbnb that had been renovated

on a well-known New Zealand television show. We found a mouse running through it in heaps of holes the second we walked in. Mouse holes, by the sounds of things. Like the cartoons. If there's a mouse in a hole, that does feel like a mouse hole. Yeah, especially if it's got a little door. Yes.

And they have a little suitcase. We don't know what the renovation show focused on. Was it the house or was it the mouse? Yeah. That's the name of the show, I think. Mouse Block. The house or the mouse? The house or the mouse. And the mouse gets to renovate a house as well. We contacted the owner of the show, I think. Mouse Block. The House or the Mouse. The House or the Mouse.

And the Mouse gets to renovate a house as well. We contacted the owner and they let us stay in the main house, also renovated on the show. It was done horribly and it smelled like sewage because of a plumbing issue. Yuck. That's the thing. You can't smell what's on TV, can you? Smell-a-vision. I did go to

a 5D experience and it squirted water at me. Yeah, and my chair vibrated did they do smell up there? what exactly was going on in this experience? I won't say what the movie was playing I won't say we were we did sit side by side but we never looked each other in the eye we booked two different accommodations

one in Queenstown and one in Lake Tickapoo the Queenstown one apparently was super expensive and we were told it would have great views. Woke up, there was mouse shit beside my pillow

and no views because we arrived at night and then in the morning you're like, I can't wait to see the view in the morning when you arrive at a hotel and you pop open the curtains.

Brick wall. Oh. And then at Tikapu it was super expensive but there was mouse pool through my handbag. Now, I think you might be taking the mouse. I think either that or your partner's tiny poos.

Or your partner is a mouse and he's been doing dumps in your bag. And was he on a renovation show set in Auckland called The Mouse or the House? The Mouse or the House. Where he got to renovate a show. It's all tied together. And then the prize money he won from that reality show he took you to Queenstown for. Are you dating a mouse?

The mouse, he won mouse or house. The house lost. Santorini. Oh, beautiful. Wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't it be nice?

It wasn't as advertised, but to cap it off, we had a shriek from our friend sharing the next room. The biggest poo you'd ever see was meant, was meant to be, it was meant to be a clean room.

Oh, but it was floating. And there was a giant, giant poo. But wait, was the view still okay? It was not as advertised. Because do you hate it when like Airbnbs or hotels will put like photos or views of like, you know, you're at Santorini or whatever.

The local area. Yeah. And you're like, oh, that must be the view. And then you get there and it's not. No, that's just what's around if you catch a 20-meter Uber. Yeah. We ended up on the inaugural sailing of the Sun Princess. Oh.

60% of the facilities on board weren't ready or functioning properly, even though there'd been photos of them, which we later found out was just taken from another cruise ship. Oh, so they were too fresh. Yeah, this is what we imagine it's going to be like. Oh, God. Yeah. We're all being lied to. We're all being lied to.

We're all being lied to. We're about to fly to Wellington after the show. We are. We've got an event today and Hayley's forgot her phone charger. She just told me out of the room. Little hack. Oh, I was going to say I've got a spare in my car, but I don't because you drove me in.

Yeah. I do have a spear in my car. No, there's a hack. You just go to reception and be like, hey, last time I was here, I left my phone charger. And they're like, oh, is it this one? And you're like, yeah. Could you try that at the lounge? I don't know, but people leave phones. I've got a cord in my car.

I'll whip that out. Because you've got a blue and white striped shirt on. You do have a blazer. And a blue blazer. A Hugo Boss blazer, by the way. Must be nice you look very official from Save Mart

from the men's section in Save Mart gorgeous you look like a you look like a government employee I do actually giving big

I might put my patsy on my patsy face yeah okay well right now give us national backbencher energy

thank you two ticks blue baby right now. National backbench energy. Thank you. Two ticks blue, baby. Right now, it's time for. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Sorry. I am being roasted in the group chat right now. He is being roasted in the gaggle chat.

That is outrageous. They'll be hearing from my lawyer. Yeah. Please, Vaughan, please. A semblance of order. It's Antarctica this week. Far out. And yesterday I said Antarctica wasn't discovered until 1820.

Remember that? Yes, you did say that. That's mind-blowing. Well, somebody said, you want to look into the name of Antarctica. And that's all they said. And you know me. I'm a bloodhound. We did this.

Anti-Arctic. No. It used to be called Australia. What? Antarctica. Get out. Was called Australia. But Australia's called Australia. Well, it used to be called New Holland. Australia. But Australia's called Australia.

Well, it used to be called New Holland. Australia. Australia was called New Holland. Oh, that's that medical show, New Holland. The tractor brand. When they went in and colonised it. I'm a John Deere man myself. I would have called it John Deere.

Beautiful. Stunning. Just get a free little plug there in for the sponsorship I've got going with John Deere. Lovely tractor. But so it was called New Holland. And then in 1824, Australia, New Holland, a colony of criminals. Criminals. Stole the name Australia from Antarctica. To use for their stolen country.

To use for their stolen country. They stole the name from. Antarctica was called Terra Australis, the continent. That makes sense. I was like, where does Australia come from? The terrain. Oh, sorry. Look, that's just a career there.

Hang on. Sorry. You can take that. Yeah, door's open. Thank you. Oh, my God. Just a bit of admin on here. Yeah, carry on.

Some professionalism, please. Not even so much. Turn my phone off. Some professionalism, please. Not even turn my phone off. Sorry about that, Tim. So it was changed from New Holland to Australia, leaving Antarctica without a name. Right. No name.

What, so they just went in and nicked it? 1890, they finally settled on the new name. So there were some names floating around. Antarctica could have been called, well, everyone just called it the Antarctic continent. Right. Suggestions. Ultima.

Isn't that a car brand? Isn't this an Ultima? This is an Ultima. And Antipodea. And Antipodea. Antipodea. Antipodea. It's like the sparkling water.

Yes. Antipodea. Until someone was like, if it's the Antarctic continent, why don't we just call it Antarctica? Meanwhile, Australia just stolen the name. No regrets. They were like, no problem. Not our problem.

Not our problem. Your problem. Finders, keepers, losers, weepers. Like they steal everything. Wow. Wow. The good stuff. Russell Crowe.

No, we're happy. Technically. Have him. Just have him. That was a bit of a trade agreement. Right, we're happy. Technically. Have him. Just have him. That was a bit of a trade agreement. Right. We've got to keep Sam Neill. Fair.

So today's fact of the day is Antarctica wasn't even called Antarctica originally. It was called Australia. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Hey, guys. Now, do you remember, I don't know if this was a boy thing as well as a girl thing, but in the 90s when like emails and MSN Messenger were popping off, kicking off, it was all about the like, share this with five friends or your blah, blah, blah, blah. We used to get those on paper.

What? On paper. My mum used to hit the roof. Because some kid would have some friend that didn't go to our small rural school and they'd get the chain letter that said you had to give it to seven people. Yes! And so they'd write it out seven times. I thought you were being stupid. You actually got them on paper. Yeah! Chain letters. I remember them in emails and aunties used to love forwarding these. Yes, and it was always MSN Messenger as well. Yeah.

Well, yesterday, I think they might be back. What? So my nine-year-old niece, who both of my nieces down south have, you know, like, is it Messenger for kids or whatever? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and we're one of the people that they can. Oh, God, is that annoying? No, it's quite sweet. A lot of the time it's this.

Hi. And I say, hey, smelly bum. Oh, see, that's annoying. Well, no, one of the last messages I got from her is, hi, cool auntie. I forgot to put funny too. Oh, okay. Sucker.

Got a birthday coming up, does she? No, no, it was just authentic. It was authentic. Anyway, yesterday at 6.30pm, I received S brackets, female only, and then like big space, big space, big space. Read it all! Exclamation mark, exclamation mark.

I usually hate chain mail, but this one is super cute and really works. Oh, God. There are 8 billion people in the world and you are one of them. It actually says you are on of them. So I'm like how much have we forwarded this on?

With no one changing the spelling mistake? As in 8 billion people. We could have changed that. You are a special and beautiful witch. You are a special and beautiful witch which is why I'm sending this to you. Wait so you're a beautiful and special witch, which is why I'm sending this to you. Wait, so you're a beautiful and special witch. W-I-T-C-H. Yeah.

Comma, witch. W-H-I-C-H. Oh, toot to you. No, I don't like that. I want good things to happen to you, so read this. Now that you've read the beginning, you can't get out of it! Oh, they've got you. That was always the thing, or otherwise a small girl is going to come and curse you.

You will get a new phone this year. I love it. Oh, they've got you. That was always the thing. Otherwise, a small girl is going to come and curse you. You will get a new phone this year. I love it. She's nine, by the way. Yeah. I want a new phone. Oh, and they don't work. Okay. I'll keep going.

You will be a crowded queen of the school. I mean, I want to be popular. You'll be crowned queen of the school. Okay. I have to say, it says be crowned queen of the school Okay I have to say it says You be crowded queen of the school Again Not crowned You will get your dream pet This Christmas

I've already got them Everyone will love you Send this to 15 girls in an hour If you ignore this You will get bad luck for the next three years. You will also struggle with your grades next year. This is not

fake. A girl ignored this last year and it all happened to her. You will afford this to 15 girls in an hour. Then in five days, this will happen. Day one, you will wake up to a shocking surprise. Day two, you will meet your old friend. Day one, you will wake up to a shocking surprise. Day two, you will meet your old friend.

Day three, you will get money. Day four, your day will go very nice. Day five, your favourite person will talk to you. Don't break the chain. You have an hour. No group chats. Send directly. Thank you.

Well, so you're not allowed to... The girls get these on Snapchat. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. They've forwarded it to me on Snapchat before. I don't think they ever left. I just think they'll be... I suppose we just aged out of receiving them.

Yeah, but now you've got somebody in the, like, prime age to receive them. But it is the kid version of share this post to win this Range Rover because we tried to give it away to someone called Margaret and Margaret just won out to her phone and claim it. So we've just got this spare Range Rover to give away. What colour do you want it in? Although I feel like I haven't seen too many mums and aunties sharing those posts on Facebook.

I have a couple on my Facebook, some old gals. They're still sharing. There was a real buzz for caravans. It moved from Range Rovers to caravans last year. Win this caravan. for like caravans. It moved from Range Rovers to caravans last year. Because you meant, win this caravan. And do you remember it was like five, we've got 500,

$500 vouchers. Yes. To Mitre 10. And you're like, do the maths on that. Mitre 10 ain't just, they don't have that. Topping up half a million,

more than that, wasn't it? Yeah. We work out the maths on it. Insane amounts of money. Well, I, look,

I'm usually not superstitious. Yeah. But I have just sent this to the entire ZM email chain. Okay, great. Oh, you actually did. I thought you were joking. Wow. Do not ignore a woman of ZM.

I like this. I'm not a woman of ZM. No, so you don't count. Excluded again. I'm so sorry. If I get a boy one, I will include you, of course. Please do. Play ZM's Flet I get a boy one, I will include you, of course. Please do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Now, I read this and originally thought about typing on a computer because I've never, I don't know if I've brought this up, but it's a real sense of pride for my family. My mum was actually top of her class in typing. Really? Yeah. Wow. She was top of her class in typing and then she Wow. She was top of her class in typing

and then she was told that she could work in the courtrooms. Yep. And when I did typing on typewriters at school, I did it myself. Did you do typing? See, we did it. It's not old-ish.

Typewriters? We did it. We were poor school. You're right, Pop. Jesus Christ, you're not even that old. The typewriters were so old. They were phasing them out. They'd had them for so long. They were

slowly bringing in computers minimally, but the school just didn't have money for it, but they had all these typewriters. I went to a Decile 1 school and even we had a Mac. Yeah. We had typewriter typewriters. Was it steam powered? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to keep the furnace burning.

We had a... The typing teacher, one of the things eh? The typing teacher, one of the things, it was the speed typing, was you had to copy these horoscopes. And I said... Horoscopes? I just took a shot because my friend who was a Jehovah Witness

said that they weren't... She'd got out of things, anything to do with like other religions or horoscopes or anything. And I said, I'm Jehovah Witness. We're not allowed to do horoscopes. You little shit. And she said, I'm Jehovah's Witness. We're not allowed to do horoscopes. You little shit.

And she said, you can have the period off. So I just went outside. And that's why you're so fuddy with your typing now. Because I lied. And that's what happens when you lie, kids. There's actually a way that shows your age. Yes. And it is how you type.

And it's to do with typing. But it's not your laptop typing. It's your phone typing. And reading this article about this and how you can tell someone's age by the way they type. In the article halfway through, they have to explain,

now there used to be phones where you had to push the button a few times to get a letter. I was like, yeah, that was it until we got, I had like a fake Blackberry and it had that little keyboard and I was like, I had a QWERTY keyboard and I was like, I, that was it until we got, I had like a fake Blackberry and it had that little keyboard and I was like, I had a QWERTY keyboard and I was like, I guess I'm rich now.

I guess I'm a fancy Harris Hilton. Yeah, you don't have to press the seven key four times to get an S. Yeah. Yeah, you don't. It took forever. But they're talking about how people type on like your iPhones, your smartphones. Yeah.

And how it identifies your age. The moment you say it. I'm two thumbs. Yep, you are. I'm two thumbs. What does that mean? Yeah, which is how I know you're a millennial. Okay.

I would know you're a Gen Z if you're two thumbs, but you're fast AF. I'm fast AF. Yeah, but fumbling. Yeah, but are you as fast as your kids at typing? I'd say so. Yeah. I'm also, this is probably the next one

you're about to say, I swipe. I swipe. I drag. Do you? I swipe and drag. I turn that off. I hate that so much.

I swipe and drag. I hate swiping so much. Do you? Yeah, I swipe and drag sometimes. I'm actually disgusted with friends. I actually just vomited in my mouth and I had to get it down. Like, that was so embarrassing.

It's embarrassing. Dude, that's not even an option. It's so embarrassing. What about, you know that's not even an option. It's so embarrassing. What about our friend Big Hearted James who would be what? A millennial. He's like phone away. He's like phone at arm's length.

And he'll be one finger. He's a big boomer. He's a boomer boy. It's boomer material. So it's the one finger, which is like the moment you say that, you're like my dad, like tap, tap, tap, phone away, tap, tap, tap, tap. And really big font. Yeah, totally.

That's your bloody boomers. Yeah. Yeah, and it's always your, whereas they'd say Gen X is your middle finger. Your rude finger. Middle? Going like that. I never use that. A little bit fancier.

Boom is your index finger. Index finger, right. Double chin phones. So Alpha and Gen Z are Alpha the same as Gen Z, just two fingers but really fast? It doesn't say. Alpha. No Alpha. We're not doesn't say. Alpha. No alpha.

We're not even counting them. Gen Z is your fast double thumbs. I would have thought I'm fast double thumbs. I thought alpha might be swipes then. Swipes? I'll do swipes. I'll drag it around. I'll be popping words.

The problem is it's like, did you mean that one? I'm like, no, no, no, that third option, please. So another person was saying the best way to do it, turn your phone on the side. Oh. No. Double thumbs like that. That's embarrassing. No, I'm not.

No, embarrassing. That's embarrassing. What is it, one of those Game Boy things? Yeah, no, that's not cool. No. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted.

Sued a case. She's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast. And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.