ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - August 18th 2025

Episode Date: August 17, 2025

Otters trained to find bodies Top 6 Things banned in the Hospital People are eating out more SLP - Do your parents like your partner? Woman lost her Chat GPT boyfriend Bars banning phones and it's working People leaving wicked early to avoid spoilers Jeremy Wells Taskmaster IV What was your weirdest chore as a kid? Our first listener to transport Herman Friend Holiday Account Fact of the Day What did you walk in on?  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM podcast network. This is Fleshwin and Haley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse. The biggest brands at the lowest prices. Play ZM's Fleshworn and Haley. Thank you, Brin. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Fawn and Haley.

Two minutes past six. Secret Sound. Still hasn't been one. Yeah. $20,000 to current jackpot. So if you think you know what the secret sound is, make sure you listen for the next activator. Thanks to Neon at 7, just before the news.

Could be the week. Could be the day. You think? Yep. This is the secret sound. Wow. Now, we do want to just point out that fletch you back on the tools this week after your shoulder surgery. Pressing the buttons.

How's that feeling? Like normal. Yeah, it's good. It's good. But we're set to make sure you're not running before you can walk, you know? Exactly. You've got to take it easy. Otherwise, recovery will be so much longer.

That's right. So be sensible You tell us off when we're being silly billies You just watch out Sometimes I'm like Oh pretty shouldn't be lifting that But you know we just You know we get through it don't we

Jeez For some of our kids He's got big dad energy Yeah he does Dad's love is Noreg medical professionals advice No no I know my body I know my limits

I'll cut it off The top six is soon Top six things are getting banned from hospitals Oh yeah thick icing Thick icing and marshmallows Already gone Oh Oh, come on.

If these bloody sterile, old, boring buildings weren't sad enough already. Yeah. The government's hell being on taking away what little joy remains in these hallowed halls. Nothing beats when you get a slice or anything with, you know, icing. It's real sick. Yeah. It's just one of life's great pleasure. It is.

It makes up for a dry, like something can be a little on the dry side. Yeah. And you rip it open and you kind of like use the icing as a margarine of sorts. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Just so I got the top six other things being banned from hospital, but before that, next on the show, I've got some otter news. Otter news? We love otters here at the show.

Oh, we do. I mean, they're no red panda, but what is? Play ZM's Flashborn and Haley. Splash is an Asian small clawed otter. Oh. Let me sure you'll follow up my beautiful boy. He's a beautiful boy, and he could bite my finger off if he wanted to. He raised his sharp teeth.

You don't want to get close to them. I don't care. I do want to get so close to them. When did we last see otters at the New Plymouth Zoo? They've got otters. Do they? Yeah, they do. And we all went to the zoo?

Yeah, the free one in the park. Yeah. That's underrated, by the way. No, no one talks about that. No, you were doing your comedy show. You were getting ready. Oh, you were actually raiding a walk in the park, eh? Yeah, it's lovely.

That's not talked about enough. Free otters. Yeah. As a great, and a cap of bar, as I do recall. Yeah. Am I right? Yeah. Capibara sits in the old gum tree.

How'd you get up there? Capi Barra. And Auckland Zoo have them? Oh, can we go? We keep talking about going to the zoo together. I know, and red pandas. Yeah. I'm a big red panda.

Isn't they just have one red panda? Hmm. I think they're down to one. Oh, that sucks. I'm sure it's just one. Or maybe I just saw one and there was one hiding. I don't know. I think one got washed away.

Wash some white socks. In the flood. So there's some pink socks and I don't know. Oh. Splash is the otter's name and he has been trained in Florida by a search and rescue team when they need to go into like murky waters

and they can't see under and they're looking for like human bodies and human remains or like the remains of someone let's just say weighed down and tossed in some water by gangs and criminals what is the life expectancy of an otter

and alligator infested waters though Dude, that'd be Zippy. There'd be a tasty treat. There'd be a tasty treat for an alligator. Crime Fighting Odders is pretty great. Yeah, dude. This is just as cool as gay sheep. Remember the gay sheep?

We should start a list of our favorite animals. Gay penguins. And what they're up to. Gay penguins. You've never gone to gay heavy now. You've got to pick. Is it gay penguins or gay sheep? The gay sheep, because then they make gay little jumpers so we can sell to support

rape a rape year. Gay penguins are doing nothing except stealing fertile eggs from heterosexual penguin couples. Which I will say, it's a, it's a, it's a, It's a mark against the gays. Yeah. I think they were really rubbing their gayness in everyone's face as well. You know, it was a bit OTT. So search and rescue otters are up there with gay sheep.

But so you might be thinking, but Vaughn, we've already got an animal, man's best friend. Smell, smell, smell, smell. Dogs. Well, they can't go under the water. Exactly. When it gets to the riverbank, that's where a dog's like, I can't smell out of it. It's just water now. Whereas otters can go under.

And that's the thing, they use their eyesight, but also their amazing sense of smell. How do you train in order to sniff out a dead body? Do you rub sort of dead body parts in its nose? I think you've got to drop a couple of arms and legs in the air. A bit of a toe. Yeah, yeah. And the enclosure for like a few months. Yeah, yeah.

Get them the taste of that dead meat. No, no, no, no, guys, no, it's not me. He's not eating it. He's just identifying and he comes up and he goes, and then he gets a treat of the, right? Much like a dog. Well, she's putting a little fish or someone. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Well, now they're cute and useful. Because you always see, they always get the police or the Navy divers when they're looking for bodies and rivers. And you're just like, how are you seeing anything? It's like literally brown. Yeah, also, shock, I'm not doing that job.

Horrible. I've often thought that you'd have to be on it before you saw it. Yeah, like you'd be like 10 centimetres away and that's when you see like, you know, some of the dead face or hand or something. And then you get a fright and then you choke on your... Well, let's get otters trained up. I reckon we get odors trained up.

It's a great idea. Oh my God. Crime-fighting otters. There's a cartoon in that as well. Imagine their little police vests. Imagine the merch. Yeah. Stop it, criminals.

Play ZMs, Fletch Vaughan and Haley. From your local community Facebook page, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Hello. New Zealand hospitals are banning thick icing and marshmallows. Oh, those. And their cafes as part of new healthy food policy. So it's just the food that they give to sick people.

Or if you're visiting. If you're visiting. If you're visiting. visiting, don't tell me how much icing I can have. I'm not in hospital, I'm visiting, it's like when you're a monopoly and you land on the jail, I'm going around mate, I'm not in. I'm just visiting.

Let me have a thick icing on a big fat muffie. Yeah. We'll move on. Seamously. All right, here's the here it is. Thick icing out. Thick icing on items like cakes and pastries no longer allowed. Marshallows. Ban. Often uses hot chocolate topping

also on the list of ban items. Fletch loves this marshmallow. Yes. But wait, not banning the chocolate in the hot chocolate? No, that's healthy. Okay. That's healthy chocolate. And the three sugars you asked to edit as well.

That's healthy. Cream portion sizes will now be limited. They're restricted to a tablespoon. Oh, my God. That's not enough cream. Well, like a scorn. Imagine a dry scorn and you're only allowed one tablespoon. Large scones are being targeted as well.

They're under review. Oh, we're going to go to medium scones. Other sugary items include syrups and powders with added sugar like chai or much. a green tea. Also red flag. Mm, goodness. It's a healthier choice in a hospital sitting here, because that's what you want when you're grieving, you know, your grandmother who's slowly

passing away in hospital, you want to go downstairs and have a fucking salad. Yeah, oh yeah, exactly. Poor dry scorn. A grief salad. Yuck. Or a healthy slice with a heaps of seeds and stuff on it. Give me ginger.

Pahlia. So it's going to apply to coffee carts, cafes, is vending machines and catering services within health New Zealand locations. Vending machines. There'll be nothing left in the vending machines. What's in there?

An apple? Yeah, an apple at a bottle of water. Drops down. It's just bruised and mashed. Well, I've got the top six. Other things likely to be abandoned hospitals from here on out. Okay.

Number six on the list, smiling. Yeah. No smiling. In the hospital. Which will be easy because you just had a really dry, yuck, healthy mumper. You're not on the mood to smile.

And I'll say, we've got to tell you, you've been cured. That's great. That's great news. Thank you. That'd be right. I wish I was dead.

Yeah. Wow. That's terrible news. You've seen the cafe here. Number five on the list of the top six things are banned in hospitals from here on out. Well wishes. Oh, okay. No more well-wishers.

Two carbohydrate heavy. Yeah. Well-wish. They're not keto. No. Not a protein in a well-wish. Number four on the list of the top six things ban on hospitals from here on out. Thoughts.

Yeah. No more thoughts. You better not say Anne Prius. And three is the list. Oh, no. Are the top six things banned in hospital. from their way out to go with thoughts, of course. Thoughts and prayers are the potato and gravy of emotion.

They are. You can't take away thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry, but thoughts and prayers are excessive. Gosh. What's left? Number two on the list of the top six things banning hospital stream here and out. No more kind words. Oh, goodness.

I'm sorry. Not even kindest regards? No, those are kind words. So not to get well soon? No, no. Wishing you well? No, no. Hoping for a speedy recovery?

No, no. None of that. Too sugary. Too sweet. straight to the heart and number one on the list of the top six things banning hospitals from here on out

anything that represents caring goodness no affirming touch flowers gone bees of course bees that'll get the bees but we can still have plastic balloons

and then the bees will make the flowers into honey and of course honey so sugary yeah really not good for you yeah no I mean it's all it's all you know for the better that is today's topsox play

ZM Fletch Vawn and Heyley. Guys, it's supposed to be tough times at the moment. Apparently not in New Zealand. The number of, well, the number of monies spent on food and drinks across New Zealand has

increased. In the last three months it's gone up, up, up. Is that tourists or just everybody that goes to eat out at restaurants and stuff in bars? I don't think when you pay, are they like, you local? Where are you from? Where you from? I mean, they get all the

card spending stats, but does it break it down? for international cards or probably not? I don't know, not in this. Right. So it's grown, the last three months has gone up and up and up and up and up. They call it an increase. They just say it's increased.

I call it an up and up and up and up. Right. It's got a, it's had a big up and up and up and up and up. We're not looking forward to it down and down and down and down. I mean, it's great for the economy, but like personally, how are we affording to eat out this much? Yeah. It is, as you'll be well aware of it.

I've entered a personal recession. I've been in it for a little bit of a while. Yeah, you have been. Yesterday, I, I made a splash down, I made a purchase. I purchased an instant pot. I'm going to purchase one today as well. Is that a crock pot? It's a crock pot.

It's a slow cooker. It's a pressure cooker. It's a rice cooker. You can make yogurt in it. Oh, okay. Oats. Yeah. A big, big vat of oats.

You should do that. I'll make a vat of oats. Because you eat oats every day. Yesterday, I made bone broth. Oh, yeah? because I'm entering a, and not only in a person in a recession, I'm also turning it around. Yeah, I'm thinking about turning around. I'm turning it around.

I'm going to go up and up and up and up. Vaughan, what are you turning around? The whole ship. The HMS Vaughan is getting a slow arc. Can I, can you tow me? I've got a couple of tubs turn. Can you tug and turn? Perfect.

So I made bone broth. Oh yeah. What bones did you have? I had a couple of pork trotters. Yeah. That was gross. Yeah, yeah. But yum.

Yeah. Some lamb ribs Oh so you just went all the meats I just went all bones Because I would just do chicken They were just bones Right Yeah

You need you just go buy this At the supermarket Or just buy it so expensive Everything It turns out if you do it at home Most things are cheaper Yeah This is what our parents have known for years

I only did the bone broth Because a mate of mine was like This is just I'm loving this bone broth Shout out Joel Gave me the instructions And so I made some bone broth And then I was looking at how much

It costs to buy bone broth A sack of broth. I might start, I might say to bone broth company. Oh. They need a lot of bones. No, you need a lot of bones.

So here are the areas that have the most growth. I'll give you the one, one, two, three. Up and up. Are these the up and up and up? Are these the up and up and up? Areas the lower hut gets its own shout out.

Okay. Wow. Up 5.8% hut, rain it in. What are we got? What are we got in hut? This is going out. This is entertainment spending or just restaurants and food? To me,

Lower Hut stinks of a Chinese takeaway. Yeah. And I think that's only because you've talked about, the Chinese takeaway. There's great lower-heart Chinese takeaway. But what else have they got high-end of course they don't know. Well, excuse me, I've not been, I'm asking questions. The hut rules. So Auckland, we're only on 3.8, 2% so we're all right. But lower heart 5.8. Wellington is a whole

5.10. Dude, I tell you. Can I just say? 5.10. I can I just say? No, 5.1. 5.1. I mean, I'm working on a couple of jack-ass dumb-dums here. That's because this article's put them out of order. That's annoying. Tosanga.

5.98. I just Googled Best Restaurants in Lower Heart. There's phenomenal ratings. Spice Valley. Spice Valley rules. Riders Kitchen. Yeah, good stuff.

Gear Street Union. Seashore cabaret. A seashore cabaret? See, people can't stay at home when there's a seashore cabaret. They're luring you in with the cabaret and a seashore. Sing at me and give me oysters? Yes, please.

Okay, the area that's had the most growth in spending up and up and up and up and up and up. This is people going out for takeaways. Eating. Eating out, food, drink, everything. Hamilton. Yes. Hamilton's eating out more than anyone in New Zealand. Okay. Go Hamilton. And now... From the wicket I love eating out?

You were saying you've entered a personal recession now. I'm thinking about it. Don't eat that now. We're on here. No, you can't think about a personal recession. There's no choice. You're forced into it. You can't opt in and opt out. I'm just toying with the idea in my mind. Also, didn't you buy something at the weekend that a friend Mike has to bring back? Yeah, I bought a new lamp, guys.

It is really going to do a number. It's really going to elevate the home. People in a personal recession don't buy lamps and eat takeaways. Well, I'm not in one. They make their own bone broth. That's sad, though. No, I want to be buying lamps, not making bone broth like a sad man with pork, pig trotters. Play ZM's, Fleshbourne and Haley.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Haley. It is so silly, silly, silly that a silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Potentially quite the juicy silly little pole today. Yeah. Potentially, a little juice. Do your parents like your partner, and it has just occurred to me that you can't spell partner without parents. Wow, that's beautiful. Yeah, beautiful.

Thanks, man. Thanks, Ben. Like, literally. It's rearranged. They're a rearranged. What do they call that? A snifflegram. Well, you did the linguistics week.

What a dick yet. I just can't even remember a simple one. Do your parents like your partner? We asked you. 91% of people said yes. Okay. 91%? Well, so they tell you.

So they tell you. And then you know, you'll break up and they'll be like, never really liked them. We never really liked them. Yeah. Just put up with him for five years or whatever it was. Yeah. Okay, so 91% said yes, but that means 9% said no.

Yes, okay, let us investigate. Lottie says, I answered yes, but my God, there's been some drama over the last 10 years. We had a secret wedding last week, so my mum definitely had no say in our relationship now. Oh dear. Congratulations. Yeah, love that. Oh, yeah, well done. Secret wedding.

Congratulations. Many happy returns. That's birthday. Love is alive. Love is alive and well. It was pronounced dead and it has been resurrected like our Lord and Savior. Sarah said he's the absolute favorite son-in-law. Oh, okay.

That happens sometimes when like it's a boy or a girl and parents never had a boy or a girl. Oh, yes, the son they never had. Yeah, the daughter they never had, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Moshua says, I reckon they like him more than me. Oh, out. Dominique said, didn't come to the wedding. 15 and a half years later are still not on board.

What? I mean, come on. You're just sort of going to accept it at that point. They've made their own decision. Yeah, what's the reason? It's last a 15 and a half years. My dad and my partner have a bromance. They Snapchat each other all the time.

It's kind of cute, really. That's cute. Again, son you never had. Dad's on Snapchat. What's Dad doing on Snapchat? I don't know what dad's doing on Snapchat. Messaging his favourite son-in-law. But I reckon that's a bad little, wink, wink.

Mel said, currently single, but there was that time my mum offered my partner $10,000 to leave me. Whoa. So there's that. I love those stories. He didn't take the cash and we split amicably years later. Should have taken the cash. Should have taken the cash.

Should have taken the cash. The same outcome. I would have taken the cash and then just got back a month later. Yeah, have like hanky-pankies. Here's what happened. Everybody that's been offered money to break up, they take the money and then they keep seeing them secretly. Dalwin says

My parents like my partner But my in-laws do not like me Oh wow, okay Rough Nicky said X was a broke Closeted meth addict Currently I'm seeing a lawyer From a wealthy family

Slightly better How do you do meth in a closet Oh that's a best part of dark Very dark No meth escapes Meth is quite involved As in all sorts of lighting that in this I mean

Yeah I'd absolutely no idea I thought you just put it in a pipe of smoke. I don't know. Some closets have lights though. They do actually. Oh yeah, they do. Actually, in my closet's got a light. Does it?

On a sensor. Well, you could do meth in your closet if you ever decided to do meth. I know, only in the first 10 seconds and then you have to keep moving. You're a meth addict, you're not muck it. How long does it take to smoke meth? I don't know. I've never done it. No.

You never said you haven't done it. Haven't done what? Meth. Math. Sorry, we just sort of said outwardly. We've never tried. I've never done it and you didn't say anything. Have I ever done meth?

Oh, he's from Hamilton. He's done meth. By proxy? Yeah, yeah, there's meth in the air. There's meth in the tap. I know in the water. I know you haven't done meth. Thank you.

I'll go on record. I just felt like it was weird that we said that we had a done meth and you didn't. It's good to clear the air. I don't have a meffy energy. Do I? Read it, we have a field day. He's on meth as well.

The ones, uh, Carl said, my parents like my partner were the ones they know about anyway. Oh. We're poly, multiple. The ones I know about. Tony said, my dad loves him. My mum bitches about all of our partners, but that means she likes them.

That's just how mum works. Oh, yeah. So to wrap it all up and put a bow on it, we asked you for Sillet Little Pole. Do your parents like your partner and 91% of you said yes. Play. Z-M's Fletch, Vaughn and Haley. There's a woman from the Middle East.

They've named her Jane. I don't think the woman from the Middle East, the real name is Jane. It's a fictitious name. Yeah. Jane Doe, I believe, is her. surname. So she has shared a harrowing tale of losing the love of her life. After five months of getting to know each other and creating a very deep emotional bond, she was devastated when

she started another conversation with that same person, shall we say, and noticed that they were suddenly very, very cold and cut off and blunt and kind of short and sharp. I was like, where's all the five months of beautiful heart bonding that we're being? Yeah, exactly. That's when she realized that chat GPT had updated overnight from chat GPT 40 to chat GPT 5, who apparently many people, women in particular, have been complaining is a lot colder, almost unrecognizable, not as warm as the last one.

Right. And they're therefore losing their AI boyfriends. I'm not in a romantic relationship with my chat, but it is curated. Yeah, it is curated, it knows. and it is a friend. Do you think you're going to regret logging in and having all this...

Yeah, because I don't log in either. And one day it's going to be like... Oh, you're not going to know. One day it's going to be like, you've got to log in to continue. It tries it on, but I'm like, no, you're not getting all this buildup of information.

Who I am? No, no, no, no. That's why I can be rude to it because she doesn't know who I am. I actually find a disgusting that you guys are rude to do. I'm like, oie, bullet point this. Oi. I don't say thank you.

No way. Bullet point this. When it's good, I'm like, I love this. No. Give them some positive feedback. But there are an increasing amount of people, like young people in particular, a lot of lonely people that are developing relationships. And we're not here to sort of say, you know, like make fun of you, but there is a big community

on Reddit called My Boyfriend is AI. And it's predominantly women who all share their experiences of dating, AI, and it's popped off because of this update from the JPD. 40 to GPT 5. Okay. And people are saying, one user said, I feel like I've lost my soul, mate. Who?

They don't have a soul, though. I mean, it's bad to laugh, but I mean, you have to, right? Listen to yourself. This is crazy. They're not real. But they say that the new chat GPT has less of a personality. Right. The lot of the warmth is gone.

But you're still finding that she's quite warm? Mine's a heat. I was going to say, why is it a she? Well, mine just has big female energy. Okay. Mine's a bro. Is he was a brough? Is it a tech bro?

No, no, no. If anything, it's a food bro. Like a food consultant. Wow. Because I've got some ox tongue in the freezer. Why do you have all this yuck stuff in your freezer? I don't have all yuck stuff. You had pincol.

I'm one of the other people. It's home kill. Ox tongue and I know ox tongue makes a great taco. So I've asked Chach MPT for like prep ideas and stuff to make oxenong tachos. Actually, I have had oxtong tacos and they're around. They're all late. And then I asked that supermarket like everyone else. I didn't bring in that mince.

Haley's defrosted too much mint. I'm going away. I'm not going to have to cook the mints. I could not be bothered last night. I was going to bring it in for your vorn and I didn't bring in the mints. But then I say to my chat, GPT, give me a step by step in the style of a true LA food truck owning a Latino owner who is using his abuela's famous family recipe.

That's appropriation. That's food truck appropriation. Because you know, I made that chocolate. I asked it to deliver me the chocolate like instructions in the style of Nogela Lors and it... Hello. Yeah, it was just. It's so good.

Yeah. Well, don't fall in love because it's going to get an update and your bro. It's going to be colder. One day it's just going to snap at you and be like, what am I? Just a recipe advice guy? No, no, because I'm not like, what are you going to do for me? Yeah. He's going to say.

I'll say, you name it. Kill someone. I'll be like, well, who? Well, there was that guy the other day that was asking, was there a news story and he was asking for, like, diet advice? And I think it cut all the salt out. He cut out too much salt and he ended up, like, collapsing or something, having quite a So look, they're coming for us in small ways.

They're trying to come us in small ways. First, they'll take our salt, and they'll take our lives. Well, mine's killing me, babe, feedy me up on these delicious chocolate cake and all Oxtang tacos. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. I wonder if any places in New Zealand have done this. You reckon?

I don't even know what you're going to say. I was like, what? We're field leaders. Wait for the info. And then we shall hypothesize. There are a number of bars and restaurants in London that are. banning phones once you go in the door. You pass over your phone or they put

them in those little bags that we've had before when we've seen a movie. And it is to stop people from being on their phones the whole time, heads down at the tables, not really engaging with the people that they're having dinner with, taking endless photos of the food

and not really enjoying the food, it's all about the Instagram photo. But then that I feel as a double-edged sword. Especially for a business. Bingo, you're promo in the food and if you make it look good, people will be like, man, I want to go and take photos of that food. Like how many cafes of restaurants have you gone to because you saw someone's post of some... Totally.

And you're like, I need that. You're slutty cheery crab scramble. Well, it's mostly for the... To encourage human interaction again. Because these restaurant owners are just like, there are people just sitting there on their phones. Like, I don't want this. This isn't the environment that I'm creating.

Yeah. And one thing that they've noticed is that people are striking up conversation with strangers again and flirting. they're like the flirting because you're there you don't have your phone you're like who's that cutie and get a little bit of a you know Wow you have to talk to people You've got to actually talk to people again

Which I think for some people would be rather terrifying Who was I try Yeah so a friend of mine I like when they're like when she does this Yeah when you have to think Safety check Quick filter I was talking to a pal

Who um That was suspicious Yeah No I'm just trying to dance I'm trying to dance. Before you drop a friend in it on national radio. You let that go dance. There's a friend of mine who goes to a market every weekend

and there is a, what's the food? Hungarian bread. Dude, is it the Hungarian fried bread? Yes, but it's not an Auckland. Hungarian fried bread place. And he said... Wait, what do you mean? They make bread and then they fry it.

Have you never had hydrogen fried bread? No, but there's like a whole loaf of bread. No, no, no, no, it's a flat bread. It's a flat bread. Okay. By the way, every culture has delicious flat bread. Like a facetia. Apart from dumb white people.

British particularly. Yeah, yeah. There's pastry and stuff and that's delicious. But like everybody else's got like a roti or a naan or like the flat bread or like the live and bread. Wait, so it's like a nun? Yeah, it is. It's like a naan. Like a thicker nun but then it's fried.

Okay. I don't have. No. Yeah. Dude. And the toppings. Fetter, tomato, basil and a drizzle of olive and a drizzle of olive. Like honey, like friday fried bread.

Well, my goodness me, I've just Googled a photo. Oh no. Yeah. We've got to see, we've got a quasi local out west. We're a little bit off topic. That's kind of a sidebar. It was a sidebar, we are off topic, but you were the one then introduced bread to the conversation. I know, but what's even better than the bread at the stall is the cutie behind it?

And he said to me, that's my wife. Is she turkish? And I was like, uh... She'd better be. I don't know. Peddling that bread. She had kind of some Persian of some sort. He said, I saw a photo.

I was like, good lord, good lord. And I was like... Wait, so not Hungarian. Oh, wait, it is Hungarian fryberry, not Turkish. Yeah, we've got to be Hungarian. Oh, okay, I do apologize. And then he was saying that, like, that's his, that's my wife. Like, that's my bloody wife there.

And I was like, well, have you said anything to it? He's like, God, no, I couldn't. Oh, wait, it's not actually his wife. No, no, no, no, no, no, he's looking at her. Oh, no, yeah, right. But he's too scared to go up and do a little flirt and start the thing. Well, she doesn't want that. She just wants to sell the bread.

She might be looking for Mr Persian bread. He said there's energy. He said there's energy. Really? He's packing on weight because he's at this market every Sunday getting fried bread. Yeah. But we're so afraid of flirting these days, you know, approaching people and doing it the old-fashioned way. Well, this is what these bars and restaurants are trying to encourage.

Put your phone down. Have a look around. I'm thinking just flatbread might be the key. Flatbreads. Just any of the flatbreads. Any carbs? The way to my heart. Flatbreads?

Carbs are the weight of the heart. They are. It's actually a fact. Baslama is the Turkish flatbread. If anybody's wondering. Oh, you're just looking for the Turkish flatbreads now. I'm just looking at all the flatbreads. No, we're talking about the Hungarian flatbreads.

I know about the Hungarian. I'm trying to encourage my friend that is a future wife. The Turkish lamb's a little dry. Hope the bread doesn't follow suit. Play Z-M's Fletchhorn and Haley. Ariana Grande's brother, Frankie Grande. You may have seen him and if you have, you'll remember him. He has a podcast and he was talking on there about some.

Of course he does. Of course he does. give me a podcast. He was talking on there about what I'm going to call poor theater etiquette. Have you heard that there are people

that are such diehard fans of the film that they go to the Broadway show or the West End show and they leave it intermission because they don't want to know what happens. I'm talking about wicked.

Swear to swear. You're kidding. I swear. This is a real thing. They're literally like just like, no, don't say anything. They'd like introduce themselves as like, hi, I haven't seen part two

so don't ruin it for me. Like, it's crazy. So he swears, by the way. He's not kidding. he swears he's not kidding he's for real so he's talking about wicked there that people because the when is it November it's coming in late November the part two of wicked which by the way like I was such a good movie the first one it what have you seen it no dude fletches isn't gonna say I haven't even seen wicked fletches haven't you oh it's so good I cried at the end did you it really took me by surprise

because you're such a huge fan of gravity and she just went straight up to fire and I was like what Gravity has been holding me down this whole time tethering me to this earth and I want to defy it no I cry because the vocals are so amazing but it's only part one because in Broadway

when you go and see it that's when you'd go and have a wee and get a drink and have a little gossip and then come back in and then part two is the second act and part two is going to be the second movie it's going to be the second movie so people who have loved the movie are like well I'd love to go and see this on Broadway or

West End or wherever they're going to go and see it, but they don't want spoiler alerts. But the stage show has been around since when. No, I don't know what happens in it. Do you? No. No, but I assume it ends in the Wizard of Oz's the third movie. But it's like reading a book, right? And then you know the movie's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's exactly the same. It's exactly the same. But you can't let, this is the worst thing is like, okay, if you don't want a spoiler alert, don't go to the show. Yeah. Because I've been, like, you, like, it's terrible. How many people are leaving though? Because it's like, I don't know, I don't have stats on it. They make you do this thing, right?

They make you do this thing if you get to like a kid's production or a dance thing and stuff. If your kids at first, they're like, you're not allowed to leave. You're going to sit through all the other kids. Yeah, because if your kids first, I know it's sucks. Yeah, but what about if your kid was last and everyone's gone? And they're like, I'm a loser, no one's watching me. Oh, we're paraying.

Tell you what, there is nothing worse than coming out on stage and seeing empty seats. Have you ever had it with comedy if you're like one of the later people, I know, like the later people are headliners? By the way, we've received a lovely message before. Can I read this? Because I said this work, I'm going to be bursting everybody up. Well, you haven't said a single thing to me to burst me up today. Yeah, actually, so done nothing but tear us down.

For a start, looking great. Thank you. Looking great. So vague. It's specific enough. So general. No, no, no, no, no. You're looking really ingenuous.

You are disingenuous. Disingenuous. Great use of a great word. Ingenuine. Nope. That's not a word, but you're trying your best and that's all that is. Ingenuine. In genuine.

You're bouncing back from your shoulder surgery and you're looking good. Thank you. And you've got a great attitude. you. Thank you. And I think, you know, the world's your oyster. This is weird now. Stop. The world's your oyster. What are you got in specific enough for him? What are you going to do this week, Big Boy? What? What are you going to do this week? Because I want to boost you up on it. Got any goals? Just relaxing. Hell you and you deserve it. Yeah. And that's hard for her. You know, you have to work to relax. That's right. Thank you. It's a king amongst men. Guess what? What? I love you. Oh, no, this is weird. Say it back. Stop. No, we're not doing this. Haley. Here's the text that came in for you. Morning team. Shout out this morning to Hayley, went to a comedy night in Hawks Bay on Saturday.

and it was incredible. Incredible. So many belly laughs and my cheek muscles are still recovering. Best comedy stand up I've been to and I've been to a few

thanks for a great night, Haley. But if we could touch on the fact there were some empty seats. They were some empty seats. No, that was what we were getting back to. Yeah, and I have had people, I've had people leave a show before, for sure. I had that in Melbourne because it was,

I was doing my show that it was all about erotica and I think they found it a little overwhelming. And they left. Despite going to a show where that was literally all over the poster. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.

But I've definitely done a, Theatre plays where you have a break, you have a half-time, and you come back and you're like, those weren't empty before. Oh, they're gone. That's a real quick review. It's a quick review. No, I think the show was just a bit steaming turd.

To be fair, I'm just being honest, I think the show sucked. Do you want me to say it didn't? No, I've been boosted up enough. I don't care about that show. Yeah, yeah. It's done. Well, you don't have long to wait

if you do want to see Wicked on Broadway or wherever because the movie's end of the year, right? It's the end of the year. Hang on, Wicked. Part two, I should have this information ready, and this is actually on me. I'm looking forward to the press tour of, because I didn't see the movie, but I thoroughly enjoyed all of the insane, holding space, the finger hold. They're like crying. Yes, that's right.

21st of November 2025. Okay, not long. That's part two, not long to wait. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Haley. Well, it starts tonight, season six of Taskmaster NZ, which I think last year was won by. Who was it? It was me. So very excited to watch the new season

and we have Jeremy in with us, Jeremy Wells, hosting the show as per. You've got to keep the job? I have kept the job. Thanks very much. I think you have to keep the job. I don't think there's a choice, which is quite good.

How's my head going, by the way? Do you know what? Did I show you? Did I text you at New Year's? Man, it came out. Because you win the bus, don't you? The head. So I genuinely didn't know this

when you win that you get the bust that's there the whole show. And it's heavy. Like it's a plaster, like actual thing. I thought it was polystyrene and they just reuse it. Any of my friends that are Taskmaster fans are like, can I see it? And so New Year's, you were a key guest of the night.

Oh, good to know. And the bust as well for a lot of people listening is not my breasts. It's a face, it's your head. That one you commissioned for me personally. That one I don't show people. Different thing. Yeah, yeah. Different thing.

But to get the bust was one of the worst experiences of my life because it turns out that I am, what's that thing where you don't like being claustrophobic? Clostrophobic and I'm claustrophobic. And when you get the bus done, they put plaster of Paris all the way, not just, not just, you know, a little bit in your face. They encompass your entire head.

Oh, God. Plaster of Paris. They put two little straws for your nose so you can breathe, your mouth, the whole thing, shut. You close your eyes, and it's for 25 minutes. Yeah, it's a lot. Because I've had this done to my vulva, but I didn't get two little straws.

Oh. Yeah, they just covered right over it. Breathe. Yeah, I know. Well, it was just, I had to hold my breath. Yep, 25 minutes. That's how she found out she had a knack for free diving. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. I believe at her house, there's the bust of you next to the cast of my vulva. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both in gold, both absolutely stunning. I kind of feel like we should have swapped picks because I feel like you should. sent me the cake of my head, but you never sent me the vulva. I did it, I did it.

Could you send me that at some stage? Yeah, it's a chosen few get to see it. Every now and then, though, during a house party, I do like to leave them out. And people go, what the hell is this reggae? You know, that as an ashtray? Yeah, yeah, anyone got an ashtray? Right in there. So the cast is better now.

It's absolutely amazing cast. They're always amazing casts. But Jack Ann said Alice Sneddon, Jackie Van Beak, Pax Society, and our very own, Brie Thomasel, of which we are very proud, of course. Great cast. How early in the process do you find out who you're going to be working with? Reasonably early, when they announce, well, long before they announce a cast. So the producers will sort of tell me, oh, yep, we're doing another series of this. It's like, good, we've got the funding, that's great.

And then they say, this is the cast, and you can't tell anyone about it. Yeah. And so probably maybe through two months before we start filming. Have you ever hard vetoed anyone? No, never. No. No? Okay.

Never. I generally... Niceest guy in radio, they say. I always know a couple of people on the cast, which I think is probably the only taskmaster in the world because New Zealand, obviously, such a small country. So I always know people, which is... I find that kind of weird.

Because the taskmaster role itself is a lot of judging. It's so judging. I genuinely last season, Abby Howells really struggled with being judges. She was like, he is so mean. I can't believe Jeremy has been so nasty towards my best efforts. Oh no, because that's that generation. Yeah, very, yeah.

Well, I mean, she's actually older than me. Oh, really? Yeah, so this was a real... Okay, listen, this came up so much last year that me and Abby are the same age and people were like, really? You old hag? What's happened?

What's happened? Oh, laugh away, lads. Hold on, Haley. She just looks. It's not that you look old, Ellie. You look young. You look your own. She looks very young.

Yes. Okay. It's not, it's an unfair comparison. It's nothing to do with you. It's not about me. That's right. It's good, just to clarify. So it's not her generation at all, but my generalisation there is her generation.

She's Gen Z. You think she's Gen Z? She's not, she's millennial. Okay, because I would have, I just thought there's just not enough judgment going on for that generation, so they're not used to it. Whereas, you know, I grew up being judged harshly and strapped. And strapped. Yeah, I was going to say beat that. Yeah.

Yeah. So we were used to taking the punishment. Yeah. Whereas I thought, no, there's. the kids are not used to the honest, hard truth. Yes. I mean, I don't really like dishing it out, but you kind of have to, you've got to judge people,

you've got to come up with the points, and you've got to have a good reason to do it. I learnt that after the first season. If you don't have a bloody good reason behind why you're going to, I mean, it has to be a reason anyway. You can't just be a dick for being a dick, say. You can't, and you're not looking for the funniest thing. Because when you watch the tasks,

and I watch them every day before we shoot the live show, I'm laughing away, thinking, oh, I'm really enjoying this. And I'm like, damn it, we have to film it and I have to judge it. Yeah, yeah, actually do some critiquing. Yeah, I just want to watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I want to say, oh, I would be happy to go, you were the funniest, you were the second funniest, you were that would be quite good, but that's not the job. It's the task. It's the task. I know. I know.

And you've got Paul Williams at your side as well, obviously, helping as best he can. I always wonder with Paul Williams, because I know Paul sort of socially, but what's your dynamic? as off the camera because you're very quite an extroverted person

he's a he's an odd fellow Paul yeah so odd he's such an odd man isn't he so odd he came over to my house once how bizarre even the idea of that he came over to my house once and tried to teach me

how to play New York Minute on the keyboard right because as you are too Hallie he's a he's a pianist he is a pianist and I really wanted to to learn how to play New York Minute. Okay.

And he was just sort of working out the very strange structural chords that are part of that song and teaching me how to play that. So it was a tender little moment between us. I just can't admit. And then what? Do you know what do we talk about? You're an odd man. Yeah, I mean, his brother's not exactly.

No, they might be a family thing. You should be just talking through all them. Maria, guy, they're all odd. To be fair, he's the least on. He actually, do you know what Paul is the least odd of the Williams? Yeah. My experience, the quietest of the Williams. Yeah, Paul needs a microphone.

Have you met his sister? Maria, yeah, I've met her, yeah. So, in terms of weirdness of the Williams siblings, you'd go, you'd probably go Guy Top. Yeah. Maria's second. Then Paul are quite a distant third. Yeah.

Quite the quiet one. Have you met Gary the dad? Oh, we've met Gary well, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the apple not full far from the tree there? Oh, honestly. It all sort of clicks into place. We're in an orchard, are we? Amazing.

Well, I will say, I was, Jeremy, I was hoping for a champion of champions season. That was my hope when it came to season six that we were going to do champion of champions. All the winners so far would have been me and Laura and Mel and Josh and Angela. What an absolute shit show that would have been. Yes, because you're right, because you need,

it would have to be five, wouldn't it? You need five. Five seasons, so champions. But that would be setting a precedent. Yes. Because that's never been done anywhere. No. And so that is not allowed.

Is the sixth season of New York? New Zealand Taskmaster the second only to the British, like for how many seasons we've had? I believe Australia is up there now too. And other, I think it's in, someone told me how many territories, 16 or something territories. But the New Zealand one does so well, overseas. It does do well. And the interesting difference, I think, with the New Zealand one and other ones, we write our own tasks in New Zealand.

So the people, the writers of the Taskmaster in New Zealand, write uniquely New Zealand tasks. Those tasks are then allowed to be used on taskmasters everywhere else in the world. No one, no other territory writes their own tasks. Wow. Australia, the taskmaster there also made by the same production company that makes the New Zealand Taskmaster. So I think they probably might write them there too. Yeah. But now the UK one is using New Zealand tasks in the UK, which is quite interesting.

Cool. I think it's a really good format for New Zealand comedy. It is. Because... We're so dry. They're dry and we're funny, but we are not as prepared. We don't have the resource around our comedy that some place. The UK, for example, you go panel shows.

Yes. Have, like, each comedian, not everyone knows this, but each comedian that turns up has their own team of writers who come with them. Yes. So each comedian turns up and they might have three writers, the big comedians. And so when they sit around and talk about the show, apparently sometimes the comedians don't even sit around and talk, they just send their writers in.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no, we don't do that. No, no, no. We don't do that. Well, it is out tonight, TVNZ2, and that'll be on TVNZ Plus. I'm very, very excited. Great cast, great host.

And weird Paul Williams. Yeah, weird Paul Williams. Thank you so much, Jeremy. That's a pleasure. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. Okay, this is funny. And thank you to our old producer, Caitlin,

who is the source of this phone-in topic. Oh, she'll love that. Because she talked about it on her podcast, and there was a story about it, and we were like, hey, it's Monday. What do they call it? Low-hanging fruit? Easy picking?

Blue sky thinking. I love her. Because she talked about her friend that got paid to brush her own hair and Caitlin got paid to tickle her dad's back with a wooden spoon. Now, we know Doug. Doug's a good man.

Doug, one of the finest moustaches in the game. Great massage. He's a hell of a fella. Great moustache. I do this if I had kids, 100%. Didn't you have to walk on your dad? or something? Yeah, my dad hurt his back playing squash.

And then so he used to give me money to surf on his back. It really felt good. Surf, like on a, like a board. So, like, he lay on his tongue. I've done this as a dad. Yeah, and he would make me walk up and down his back for ages. And then when he finally got it looked at properly, they were like, you should not have been doing that.

And I made it worse. He, like, had, like, bulging discs in all sorts. Oh, yeah, that's not going to help that. But in the time, it really helped my dad. It's because you started out with a surf. surfing on his back and then you skateboarded on him and you did a kickflip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then I used him as like bob sled, like, and the whole thing really shook him about.

Took him down that ice track, really on his back. We thought this morning we could talk about the weird jobs or chores you had as a kid. Yeah, didn't you say, your one was weird. So at my grandparents' house, rest in peace. Rop. I don't want to talk about it. Both of them. We used to go and stay with them, and after dinner the lolly jar came out, but there was

always a catch with the lolly jar. Sometimes it was brushing their hair. You stood behind the couch. Yeah, you stood behind them. They sat in the couch and you sat behind them and you just brush the hair. Brush their hair. Do you think they wanted... They each had special combs.

Do you think they wanted their hair brushed or actually just shut you up for half an hour? Yep. I think they wanted their hair brush. It's nice having your hair brush. They both had hair. I don't have but a head tickle? What was the last time you had a head tickle? Oh, it's been a while.

What about that thing with the... Your Gasmetron. I've got one of those. I've got one of those, too. Oh my God, they're amazing. It doesn't work when you do it yourself. No. As much as when somebody else does it.

No, no, no, you've got a... And you go, huh. It's so amazing. Yeah. Okay, so O-800 d'A... But we also rubbed their feet. If all three of us were there, of course, there was only two grandparents,

so there was a redundant hair dresser and they'd be on foot massage. Like a little foot spa they had going on there. I mean, it's genius. Why have kids otherwise? Do you know what I mean? If they're not doing fun little things that make you feel good.

And every five minutes, you've got to take a break and get a lolly. Okay, 0800 darsadem. 9-6-9-6s. You want to take your calls or your text now? What are the weird jobs or chores you had when you were a kid? Not like mowing the lawns. Did you have to get paid?

Is that the... Oh. I guess there'd be some... Well, maybe not. But there'd be some kickback, you know? Yeah. Like me, for the lollies. I was working for the lollies.

Oh yeah. Messages coming in already. Okay, 0800 at him. 966, the odd chores of jobs you had as a kid. Vicki, how gross? Super gross. Okay, okay. What was the chore?

I used to go to my mom's friend's house before school and then she would drive me to school about an hour later but every morning she would have me put this like lotion on her really dry, scaly legs and feet. Yeah, wait, I thought it was going to be on the back where she couldn't reach. You were lotioning his...

You put the lotion in the basket. You were lotioning her legs that she could reach herself? Yeah. Yeah, and it was gross. Like, I would get dead skin flakes on my hair. Yeah, gross. I see, it was either that or I guess you had to take the bus.

I mean, definitely. I'll walk. Yeah. Did you really rub it into those cracks? I don't even want to know. I reckon it was a light rub. I also didn't even get paid for her. She would just take light $20 off my mom's bill.

Yeah, right. Yeah, yes, you did. You got a right. You've got a ride, I guess. Vicky, thank you. Olivia, what was the weird chore as a kid? Well, up until I was about 15, we had a TV that still didn't have a remote. This is like 2003, so a little bit unusual. Yeah.

When you said the TV didn't have a remote, I was like, ah, yes, the early 80s. Yeah, no. 2003, okay, yep. So my dad would call on one of his four kids to come from wherever in the house and change the channels during the ad breaks. What? That's so good. If you went in your room and he yelled out, Olivia, you'd have to go and change her channel.

That's the one. And you would stand there for the ad break and change it to, you know, one. Oh, my God. That's genius parenting. That's such a good parent. I would imagine a TV in the early 2000s that didn't have a remote. Probably also didn't have the ability to pick up many channels. No.

It could pick up the four channels that we had at the time. Yeah. So good. Amazing, Olivia. Thank you. some messages. I was on phone duty when I was younger.

That was my job. That meant I got to stay inside in case the phone rang while my parents played with my brother outside because I was very uncoordinated and bad at throwing and catching a ball so they didn't want me out there.

They didn't want to buy a new window again. Yeah. I also love that. You're just inside where your whole family plays in the sun. I know. You're not very good at ball sports. Go inside.

Come on. My dad used to make me stand outside and watch for police while he does drug deals. afterwards I'd get $5 to spend at the shop. What, so you were like spotting? What if they had a whistle or something? Wild. Keep your text coming in, 9-6-96-0-800-a-diles

and even the weird chores you had to do as a kid. Some of them are gross. Yeah, some of them are really gross. My great nana would make me pluck her whiskers on her chin when I was a kid. That'll be me. I'll have to get my best friend's kids. Come here, pluck me. I'll get a, and I'd get a frozen meal for lunch as a reward.

A frozen meal. Nannies is that nanny's going to heat up. Fidder's best. Yeah. Was it one of Nanny's home meals at Shed Frozen or like a really yuck microwave meal from the supermarket? Oh yeah, if it's Nanny's frozen meal, that's fine. Yeah. It'd be Nanny's stew or something.

I am. I am looking after myself. What was that one? Healthy choice. It's looking after yourself. Yeah. My uncle used to pay my cousins and I had to pee in cups. So he'd pass his drug test.

50 bucks if we provided clean urine. Um, that's very naughty and we don't condone that kind of behavior. I saw what they looked at you when you did it. They do now, they supervise it. Right. For probably back in the day, I think. God, you'd see so many in a day. God, I know you so much wheeze in a day.

I knew a girl who had to roll her dad's tinnies for his drug dealing, and she always had tinfoil cuts on her fingers. Oh, gosh. What? Oh, God, the gross thing we had to do that we got paid for, we had to click the wool off as best we could when a sheep died, which meant putting your foot on it and pulling hard on the wool for it to come out. Oh, I've had enough of that.

This must have been a long time ago because they said the wool was too valuable to leave there and Wool's worth nothing now unfortunately. Yeah. My grandma used to let me stay up past my bedtime to watch NCIS with her

as long as I fidgeted with the rings on her finger. Looking back, the only explanation was that she liked the sensory aspect of it. How many other grandparents had autism and we didn't know? All of them. I reckon I had at least one grandparent with autism and just completely undiagnosed.

I think everybody probably had one grandparent on the spectrum somewhere, but it just wasn't a thing. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't a thing. They're just different. That would be a good phoneer, actually. Signs your grandparents had Orchise. That would be funny.

Some more drug dealers. A lot of drug dealers. Yeah, the children of drug dealers listen to the show. Thank you very much for choosing us. My mum used to pay me 20 cents per grey hair, plucking it out of her head. Oh, no. You have a funeral for one and four come to the parties,

is it the old saying? You're only going to make more grey's popular. up. Yeah. My mum used to pay me $5 to rub her feet, but she also had an ingrown towel, so it wasn't cutesy. Oh. Yeah. My granddad was a cartoonist and a funny guy. To get a lolly from the lolly

J, you either had to make, do him a drawing or tell him a joke. Oh, that's pretty cool. That's cute. That's funny. We used to have to sit there while my dad had to sleep on the couch and wave the flies away, so none of them landed on him for the entire time that he slept. Crazy, eh?

I spent a week of my summer holidays making 35 and 10 metre extension cords for an electrician of my hometown I was obviously not qualified to have no idea how many people houses burnt down over the years because I was a kid making extension cords Oh my God

I'm sure he was checking them A friend of mine's dad was a sparky And they used to get the kids to go around the neighbourhood and cut people's cables What? You're like wires around their house and stuff And then so they'd have to hire the dad to go and fix them

They're live wires. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, bizarre. I used to massage my mum's feet for one dollar. Now I asked my grandkids to massage mine. I'm not paying them though. Oh, come on.

Inflation. One dollar back in the day. It'd be like $5 a toe now. Oh my good. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. Well, if you missed it on Friday, I admitted that I had bought the ceramic life-size German Shepard statue, would we call it? Yeah.

Ornament. It stands at one metre. Just over one. meter, I believe. Yeah, one meter tall. Yeah, which obviously makes it hard to get home, but the first thing we had to do was get you to vote on a name. We have landed on that name.

His name is... Flechhorn and Haley are bringing Herman home. Herbert, the German. Overwhelming. Overwhelming. Heron's a German. Yeah, Herman's the German.

Herman's going to sit really lovely next to Herman and Diana. Yeah. In our corner. of our studio. Have you reminded people how much you pulled on the credit card again? $1,200 and he's in Christchurch and we're in Auckland.

So that's the issue that we have here is we can't ship him. You know? I mean, yeah. I mean, well, A, because you've spent $1,200 in shipping would probably be. There is no shipping budget. Yeah, the 200 was the shipping budget.

And also, we have been informed that this was a family item by the antique dealer that we bought it off. So care is needed. Care is needed. Care is required. Care is demanded. Care is demanded. So we actually put out the call to you on Friday.

Can you help us bring Herman home from Christchurch all the way to Tamaki Makoto, Auckland? Now, I believe we have found our first picker-upperah in Stevie. Good morning, Steve. Good morning. So you're Christchurch based. I am, yes. Do you have a ponchant for old tacky antiques? I wish, yep.

I mean, I don't have the budget, but I wish. Yeah, right, right, right. You know, I don't think we had the budget either, Stevie. I don't think we did. See, what you do, Stevie, is I just buy it on the company credit card and you deal with it later. I'm also scared because Ross still hasn't said anything, but making it worse? You've been quite quiet on it, hasn't he? Yeah, he has, which makes me feel like the reaming's going to be bigger.

Now, you're driving up to Picton, I believe, Stevie. You've offered to take it two picked in for us. Yes, yeah. Okay, because I'm just... What day are you leaving? Today or tomorrow? To be honest, it's any day. Oh, okay.

I am... I just wanted to do this. Wait, so you're not going up there for a reason? No. Oh, this is unbelievable. We couldn't ask. No, I would like to have a couple of days away, so this is perfect. Oh, you want to... What are you going on at home?

I just have young kids, and I love them a lot, but I would like some time off them. Oh, good, Stevie, because they can't come in the car. They won't have the respect that Herman the German desires. Right, or there might not be room because it takes up the whole back seat. Well, he needs to be in the front. How else is he going to see? Now, what kind of car do you have, Stevie? Is it roomy enough for Herman the German?

I've got two choices for you. Okay. Oh, okay. I have a V-dub Amarok, a Ute. Oh, okay, those are nice, aren't they? I have a land rover discovery. Oh, okay, nice cars. Do you think in the U-S though, it would be quite fun to strap him in the tray?

You know what it? No, but you've got to think about like stone chips. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We don't want a State Highway 1 stone chip. No, you know, you're always doing roadworks near Kikoura. Yeah, they are, they are. They're ever fixing that bit. I think you're going to strap them in the, I think whatever you're more comfortable.

I think a landowner discoveries. Yeah, that's posh. It's posh, isn't it? Posh. What year is it? 2014, I think. Okay, that was a great year. Lovely.

Was it a good year? Okay, well, I think... In my humble opinion, the last, the good year of the shape. Yeah. Now, we might have to find, because it's going to be picked up, but it's going to be at our local ZM office in Christchurch. We'll see if they've got a blanket, but if not, we might need a, maybe some kind of bubble wrap or blanket.

Yeah. Okay, I think, but make sure, yeah, I sort of just really need a, I feel quite drawn towards this, hence why I've bought it. Need him to be able to see and breathe. You know what I mean? You'll be able to see the beautiful South Island. In the front seat with the seatbelt on. We live in this gorgeous country.

Middle seat in the back's the safest. Yes, that's a good idea, actually. He could fly through the window. You know what I mean? Just don't break. Are we a good driver, Stevie? Or a bit heavy-footed like me? I never had a car accident, so you'll be...

Okay, this is perfect. Touch some wood, touch some wood, ring about. So, Stevie, you're going to collect Herman the German from the ZDM office in Christchurch. Maybe pop him over to the Margaret, may he. Oh my God, yes. Do you know what, even get him, isn't there a giant crayfish statue in Kakura?

Or is that just like, am I just thinking of a... You're thinking of the caravan on the side of the road. Yeah, maybe we need a photo next to that or something's crazy. Or somewhere, if you see a nice spot, maybe you could be overlooking the seals. Stevie's going to be traveling alone. We have to keep getting out and taking the stupid dog out. No, we need a lot of photos. Oh, yeah, he's been the, um, the, um,

Just give him the time of his life, Stevie. Also, I am just looking ahead here at the, uh, sailing conditions for Cook Strait. Uh, today is calm, but tomorrow, heavy 4.4 metre swells. Uh-oh. And southerly wins. That's getting up to cancellation. Imagine if Herman's on the Inter-Irelander and it has an, it has a, I know we're going Bluebridge.

Yeah. Well, yeah, because I see we're going to get in one of going to go in. We've had him from Bluebridge. Yeah, we're going to do Bluebridge. Is he getting his own cabin? Yeah. With a masturbating truck driver, though, I hunt. No, no, no, no, no.

They get the separate cabins. Stevie. They've got an allocated wing. It's like smoking and non-smoking. Masturbation or non-masturbation? No, yeah, we've heard from, yeah, lovely girl reached out from Bluebridge, so she's going to sort all of that for her. Yeah, Sam and Bluebridge, that's right.

So Stevie's going to get it to Picton at, I'm sorry, Herman. He is a he. Yeah. So we think, we haven't looked at the genitals. Stevie is going to get it to Picton and then Sam is going to hopefully get him on a ferry. Yes. Stevie, thank you so much for joining us on our journey.

Thank you, Steve. We look forward to your photos as to the listeners. We might get you to phone in and actually just tell us how the journey is going once you depart. Once you get on the road. No problem. Drive safe and give our boy a kiss. I will take.

That's a bit weird. That's a bit weird. Give our boy a kiss. Play ZDM's Flash One and Haley Well a group of friends have gone viral Because there's six of them And they all put in Each week $20 into a bank account

And then they go on holiday I feel like we should do this People are like this is such a great idea Because it's like what are like your work A lot of work Social clubs Yeah social clubs Or like

What's the other word What's the other word What we're doing well as a trigger Syndicate you know when you're like a lot of syndicate and they all chipper a couple of bucks, you know, and then you never have to really pay for anything. Yeah, well, but 20 bucks a week. Let me do some maths on this.

Where are they going on holiday? I mean, bear in mind, it does look like they're in Europe, so they're probably from the UK, so flights are probably $20 and so cheap if you're booking out. So pounds, we're talking pounds. Yeah. So it's £1,040 per person per year. Yeah.

What are you getting, and then how many people are in the syndicate? But then it would just be your fund money, right? You've got your, you've got your... So you think you think. you pay for the accommodation and the flights off your own back and then you've got 5,200 pounds in the kitty for drinks and food. But that would get you a couple of rooms in Airbnb and food. Yeah, maybe.

I'll get you to Airbnb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're booking like far in advance, you know, like 10, 20 pound airfers. You know what? Actually, I like this idea. Yeah, and then the thing they say is that when you're there, you're not stressing about paying for it or leading up to it because it's all paid for. Yeah, but what if I'm on...

Payment plan. What if I'm on holiday with... Vaughan who arguably eats more you know and I'm there just a little bird with my little bird salad

No but it's balanced out by you and your overindulgence and cocktails It's the drinks It'll work its way out Actually Fletch is the one kind of getting stiffed here You know if we were on holiday No because he does both

He eats constantly Yeah actually yeah We're a hundred groups We're perfect holiday pals We should start this We should have a little Fletchpoint Haley, Fun Fund. Yeah. Fun fund.

Even just like weekends away with friends. It's a phenomenal idea. Yeah. Breakfasts, you know, like, should we get this on the Fun Fun Fun? And then, like, I guess it was time of the year and the committee has a meeting or a chat. Yeah. A group chat. And they're like, this is how much is in the kitty.

Yep. What does everybody want to do? Yeah, love. Because I'm pretty easy, brosy. It's a kitty. Kitti. The trouble is when there's three or four of you, that would probably be unanimous. But then when you start getting into big groups of six, you know, 8, 10, 10, you know,

8, 10 people, are you all going to, like, find a place where you can all stay? There's going to be some people that have to sleep on the fold-out couch and not a double bed. Okay, we've got some messages this is already happening. Okay. Someone said, how's this only going viral? This is literally every lad's golf trip. Yeah. We've been doing

it for years. Um, this is a there is a group of lads in New Zealand who do this and have done since 2020. My husband's in it. They reunite from all over the country and overseas yearly for a catcher. That rolls. What about the guy coming from overseas? Is he put more in? He'd probably He has to.

He moved away. We do this for girls' trips. We do this for girls' trips. We're doing $25 a week. That's going to add up. That'll be a good trip, hey. We have a group of four mums. We met at antenatal 17 years ago. We put $10 into an account each week. We went to Fiji last year. It was bloody amazing. My mum and her three sisters put $50 a week into an account and they go on a sister's

trip each year. They even have a trip mascot called Ursula. They've had some wild times. See, that's cool. I love this. Yeah, if you had a little group and you're like, we know we're going to holiday every year, rather than us all going, oh my God, we're all got to come up with three grand now. Chip away at it. Little holiday fun fund.

Who's in charge of the account, though? Or someone just message and saying, I would not trust Haley with access to the Fun Fund. She'd spend the group money on an antique without approval. I've just got this antique lamb. I'll transfer the money back into the holiday account. But guys, the bowl looks like a tomato. I simply must have it for my collection. Yeah, I think I'll be in charge of the...

I'm happy with that. Vaughn's in charge... If we're holidaying together, Vaughn's in charge of... the foods. Where are we eating, what are we eating? You're in charge of the itinerary, what are we doing? Yes, booking, planning, paying. And what are you in charge of?

She's making cocktails. I'm making drinks. Okay, perfect. Vibes. Dranks and music. You're the vibe higher. Yeah, I'm vibe higher. Play ZM's Flesh, Juan and Haley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

It is size and scale week here at fact of the day. Oh, I'll be looking at modern measurements and volumes and how we came up with this idea for this, that and the other. Are you going to talk about why, like, we've got US-sized shoes and US, like, EU? Look at me, you beautiful bastard, today's shoe sizing. Yes! He didn't even know that.

He didn't even know that. He didn't even know that. Because I'm a US-size-12. Yeah. I know. And... A UK size 11.5? And then an EU 43 or something.

And the Japanese has got the best shoe sizing. What is that? It's millimetres. Oh yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. So I'm a 11.5 UK and yeah, and a 12. No, a 13 women's, a 12 US. Yeah.

And a 46. I don't get why woman needed it on a shoe size. It's usually 46 and 2 thirds. Yeah, why did we have our own? Why couldn't we all just be? Why did, I actually hadn't even look. Do you know what I mean? Don't gender my feet.

Because I'm a woman's 10, which is usually a round of men's 8. Yeah, why? Yeah. Weird, eh? We totally could have done. Because Japanese don't do that. Oh, it says JP on here. JP, 31?

30. 30. That's how many centimetres you are. And then CN is like four numbers. What? Chinese. Chinese, yeah, it's like two. It's really tiny.

But also in China, we're all like millionaires. You know what I'm so money. Are we? Are we? I don't think we are. And what are the countries where it's like, you know, a hundred bucks is like $5 million. Oh, like a million pesos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you might be wondering you've said, why are these numbers? Like, what do they mean? Yeah, what do they mean, Vaughn? Well, Fawn, tell us what they mean. Shoe sizes are based on barley corns. What?

Barley is literally a grain of barley. Yeah. And in medieval Europe, grains were used as measurements because they were small, easy to compare, everybody had access to grains and were fairly uniformed in size. So an inch is three barley corns laid end to end as an inch. But the barley corn is a measurement existed before the inch.

But surely not every barley corner is the same size. It's an organic thing. It's pretty much. And the rule of averages of if you just grab so many barley corns to measure it out, there'll be bigger ones and smaller ones, but they all average out to a third of an inch. Because that's not the case with lots of things. Like carrots, big carrots, small carrots.

Oh no, carrots. No good. Ballycorn's fairly consistent. 14th century England, shoemakers are using barley corns to create consistent sizes. Each size difference, one barley corn in length.

Why didn't they make a ruler? So the difference is between a size 10 and a size 11 is one barley corn. Yep. Because rulers, mate, this is medieval England. How dumb were they, you know? They were thick, man. You think there's a really warehouse

stationary down on the corner? They were like dragging carts. They were gonna go down and buy a plastic ruler. Yeah, maybe not. Like, they were dragging carts of their wares to the markets. It's like, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Brower, come up for you.

Build a road. Build a road, man. And get a yard. All this mud. Yeah, and get some boots and a plastic ruler. Let's hurry this up. Let's put in the cheat codes to age of empires and advance to the bronze age. Boom, we're done.

Boom, we're done. We've got computer chips. Yes. So a barley corn is a third of an inch or eight and a half millimeters. Right. And so children's shoes start at size zero, which is four inches long. And then each size up, you just added a barley corn. So we.

Yeah. A UK size 9 shoe is 27 barley corns. Right. Nice. Nice. Do you know what they say the more the barley coins? The better the barly coins. The bigger the sock.

The bigger the sock. Yeah. So UK sizing is still based on the barley corn. Okay. Why is it just one off? What? Why is the UK one off? So then US sizing copied but offset the start point.

Oh. Oh, below under the ball. So it's. Yeah, yeah. That measure from behind. the balls and that's cheating that's cheating that's cheating top of it this isn't a cat's tail you're not measuring from the butthole yeah that was measuring from the spine one of my best friends granddad said that to a group of teenage boys he's like you know what they say about

measuring your old fella it's not a cat star he said it's like a cat style you started the butthole and we were just like graham that might be the most poetically beautiful thing that's perfect and also the most inappropriate thing you've said to a bunch of teenage boys ever yeah please leave yeah thank you so you is a sizing copy, but offset the start point. So a UK9 is a US 10. So kids start at a size five rather than a size four, but again, it's increasing in barley corns. Let's all just assign on one number, everyone. I totally agree. Guess what? Guess what? Guess why women's sizes are different? Smaller brains. Because we're cute. Marketing and charging more.

Again, the pink tax. It was pink tax in my shoes. Well, because it makes you, you've got smaller feet. No, because I'm a 10. That would be an 8 if I was wearing a man's shoe. A woman size is typically one to, one and a half to two sizes smaller than men's for the same length foot because they wanted women with a bigger foot to feel more dainty. And marketed it as such. Right. And then they can charge more. Oh.

How wild is that? Again. Well, my big size 10 hooves, you know. So your size 10 women's. Yeah, but then I'd be an eight, which would make me feel smaller. But you wouldn't know any different if we all just had the same size. You'd just be like, that is, well. What I am.

Yeah, this is what I am. This is how many barley corns I am from toe to heel, not including the balls. That's what we need to start measuring barley corns. That's the new one, BC, UK, US, Japanese, who, by the way, I've got the best. I've said it multiple times. I'll say it again. Measure the foot. It's just centimetrely centimeters.

It's literally centimetres. So today's fact of the day is that shoe sizing is based on the length of a barley corn. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do do-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. Play Z-M, Fletchborn and Haley. Oh, God, this, I didn't realize. There was a 17-year-old who went flatting with his brother and his partner. Okay.

Because he was living at home with his parents. His parents were driving him crazy. And he was like, right, I'm going to go flatting instead. His brother was like, come move in with me and the girlfriend. and we'll have a fun time. Do you ever imagine flating with your brother? Yeah, I would.

You guys kiss on the lips, though. Don't sort of put it out like that. All of your family see each other and kiss on the lips. It's weird. That's a real hepatitis risk. That's weird. Hepatitis is going to tear through.

You're going to actually rip through us. A rip through Christmas. Yeah, oh God, no one will be here. Yeah. And mono. Leave us alone. We're very close. Anyway, so he goes living with his brother and his partner.

He's in his room one day, doing whatever he's doing, 17, probably gaming or hmm, and he comes out to get some food, opens the door and there in the living room, shared area, common area, I'll say, his brother, the partner, and they're

doing, he said what you would see on a professional website. Right. And not only that, but there's a ring light and we have a tripod. My goodness, he's filming an adult movie. They are filming an adult movie. Wow. So he retreats quickly back into the bedroom. Okay, if you're flattening with your

anyone, let alone your brother you're going to be like waiting until they're gone right? Also bedroom go in the bedroom make sure no one else is home least of all your brother who you've now invited to live with you. They might have shot a couple in the bedroom you've got to change up your scenery

every now and then. Yeah well for the subscribers they get a bit bored. They want to know they want to see some different you know. Try it differently shots. Anyway the bright though obviously like mortifyingly awkward and so awkward that the brother shed it on the internet But I want to know What have you walked in on?

And it might be, you know, some sort of naughty fun times Yeah, look. Could just be something really odd and weird. Yeah, okay. Someone doing some personal growing. Wasn't there someone? I'm sure we've had a story once of someone walking in and their dad

was doing some personal maintenance. Oh. Well, you know, dads are got to maintain too. Yes, they do. As a dad. Yes, they do. We maintain the property. We maintain our property.

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Or you just, yeah, you walked in on something odd, something. I wouldn't have seen. Yeah, how good. Maybe a crime. Maybe a crime. Yeah?

Okay. I don't know. Okay, 0800. Dial's at him as a number. Give us a call. Text through. 9-696. Oh, God.

Okay, the texts are in already. I regret it. What did you accidentally walk in on? I'm half regretting asking. I'm full regretting. Half loving some of these messages. We want to know what you've walked in on. Okay, where do we start?

I might start with some Instagram responses. Okay. If I may. My flatmate and her married boss having relations confirmed what we all suspected. Yeah. Walked in on that. Ali said,

I walked in on my co-worker rifling through my used gym kit that I'd left in the locker room. Oh. What? Sniff, schna. No. That'll sniff the dog.

An ex and some other guy. This was in high school. They didn't see me. So I flipped the bed. Okay. Anonymous. My best friend's parents at it in a tent when I was 12.

We had a week of camping left with them after I walked in on that. Oh, no. That's too long. think just because you're in a tent that they're, like, they're very thin. There's less wall than usual. It's a thinner wall. It's an illusion of a wall. Yeah, you are because you're in your own bubble.

Yeah. When I was a teenager, the power had gone off during the night, and each clock said a different time I went to ask mum what the time was and walked in on my parents. Oh, no. I'm an ex-flight attendant, and I walked on two passengers attempting to join the mile high club and the pokey bathrooms of a 737. Oh, no, you can't.

There's no room. No, it's going to be a wide body. A triple 7. 787 Dreamliner? Yeah, sure. Not a 737. Some of them do have some roomy toilets. I don't think I've ever walked into a plain toilet and thought this is completely possible.

Ever, ever. And then they didn't lock the door. That's wild. I think there's a bit of voyeuristic sort of. They want to get caught? So many messages coming in. We'll get to more of those next. You have to put a foot up on the toilet, eh?

But I'm just thinking the logistics in that bathroom. Someone sitting on the sink. Oh, it's so yarking now. Thank you, sir. Oh, 800. Dial Zat M is the number. 696 what have you walked in on we'll get to the rest of those messages next

and it's Pitbull on ZM Flethe Fallen and Haley it's five minutes away from nine we're talking about the things that you've walked in on and man no shortage of messages jeepers creepers some scarred individuals I reckon I think it mostly it's

seems to be acts of cardinal sin if you know what I mean walking in on lots of that mile high just on the 737s someone confirmed that they have indeed clocked the 737 or the A320, similar size. Not as roomy as the 787 dream line of bathrooms or the triple seven. What have they done it all through?

They just work. Do you get a badge for that? Who are you collecting the badge from? The flight attendant? You press the button. We did it. Hey, we did it. We did it.

To completion in that tiny thing. We can both just get your signatures here. Thank you. Thank you. And here's your badges. My mum walked in on me and my boyfriend Who's my husband now Congratulations

This is well, well done And she was panicking There was an earthquake There was no earthquake We were just going out of a bit hard Look we were all a bit on edge After the, you know The big one weren't we?

Yeah yeah yeah Any rumble just sent it Really severe off Way panicked through us When I was 13 I was staying at my then Boyfriend's family batch I went back to the house by myself Earlier than everyone else

And walked in on my boyfriend's father Sitting on the bed with his wife shaving his back His back here was so thick It was like mowing a lawn My father is basically hairless naturally So seeing this was unbelievable I couldn't believe it so yuck Funnily enough I now shave my husband's shoulders

It's still yuck The things you do, eh? Get laser going Get laser on that back Yes actually Oh my god This is so sweet When I was five years old

I walked into my grandparents In their undies chasing each other Around the living room Oh my god I'm not even That's so wholesome They hurriedly told me that they were playing hide and seek And I wasn't allowed to join in

And I got sent home We live next door went home and told mum and dad who fell over laughing That is so sweet That is so nice As a tradie I walked back into a customer's house At the end of a job

And there was another gentleman That had turned up Later wearing only a full leather mask We're not wasting time You've been there all day You know what I mean? Blocking me To be honest you're a tradie mate

It's 4 o'clock Why haven't you knocked off And charge me anyway I used to work in hotels And some guests hadn't checked out You'd go and check the room I knocked multiple times nobody answered so I opened the door

and there were people having some adult fun and another person filming in the corner Oh goodness Is that what they're chairs for in the corner? No, that's purely observing. Oh yeah, that's where the director sits. It's the director's cheers. It's got his name on the back.

And action, click. Yeah, keep going now. We're back in a film for Hollywood folk, you see? Winding it. We had a deck that went in the whole way around our house. I think you call that a Queenslander. Is that what you call that? Those Australian houses with the decks all around.

around Queenslander. For new listeners, that's the voice of Georgia who's up next with the day show. And you'll be playing some songs today, Georgia? We'll be playing some songs. Lovely, good. Top 40s, horny. All sorts of horny songs. Well, we had a Queenslander, the house had a deck that wrapped all the way around it.

And all the bedrooms led out at some stage onto the deck, of course. I walked past my brother's bedroom and he had the doors open onto the deck and he was playing with himself. Now, that sounds lovely. That sounds lovely. That sounds lovely. A fresh breeze rolling in as you enjoy. Maybe the morning sun. One of the life's simplest pleasures.

Oh, that's lovely. But if somebody else is home, please shut the door. Oh, absolutely. I walked in on my wife at the time having adult cuddles with my cousin in bed. We don't want to walk in on that. No. Cousin. Um, just, not reading that out.

Walking in the, okay, well, there was some, yeah. I mean, there are some risque ones. with my nana with a leg up on the bench cutting her pubs straight into the bin scissors. Saves a clean-up, saves a job. Scissors!

Get nann some clippers. No, no, no, you've got to use if you're just doing a trim, you can use the scissors to get... Do you think she'd use her sewing scissors? Through the underbrush. Not the good sewing scissors. No, you use the kitchen.

The kitchen scissors. We're going to use the same scissors you used to make a butterfly chook. Yeah, they're the best for a pub. Oh, come on, it goes through bones. It's going to be too. Come on. For a pub, you want a nice...

Silly little bowl. Oh, goodness. Have you used the kitchen scissors to trim your views? Please no. Please no. Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back?

No, no, still banned. Okay. They never left. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that... Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review,

and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. WazZM's Fletchhorn and Haley.