ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - August 5th 2025

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

Scrotox is on the rise Language Anxiety stop people travelling Top 6 Signs you're unemployed New trend: forcing parties SLP - Girlies are you shaving your legs ATM? What makes people cool according to science Vaughan's theory - Sleep in a house before you buy What did you get a credit for? Hot fashion trend: Jazz shoes Bet I can guess your Mum's name Hayley's Back Fact of the Day Who got married for the visa?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM podcast network This is the flesh one and Haley's big pod brought to you by chemist warehouse the biggest brands at the lowest prices Zed ames flesh Vaughan and Haley Thank you, Brian Good morning. Welcome to the show fleets Vaughan and Haley and I'll say God bless to our religious listeners You know happy to it from happy to chuck you a God bless this morning. Is that good, God bless? I'm gonna do a was up to our sort of cool listeners.

Okay, I'm just looking around the country this morning. Not as cold as yesterday. No, it was nice 12 degrees when I hopped in the car. Yeah, Christchurch currently won, I think yesterday. About this time it was minus four or five, wasn't it? Yeah, it was chillin'. Wellington on a tropical eight degrees and Auckland on 10.

I thought when you said, Hayley was giving us her God blesses and stuff and you said, I'm looking around the country, still predominantly an atheist nation. That's what I thought you were saying. And 60% don't care. You don't give a crap. Yeah, I don't believe.

The only thing I believe in is life after love. Do you believe in love after love? I believe in a thing called love. On the show today, Makona World Tour, another chance for you to get in the draw to escape winter anywhere in Europe. You and your partner, you and your friend, whoever you want to take,

listen out for the activator again at eight o'clock this morning. The top six on the way. Top six signs you're unemployed as the unemployment rate is expected to hit a nine-year high. But Vaughn, in the last nine years we had the pandemic when everyone lost their jobs. I know. What? That is crazy.

Great. A nine-year high. I mean you probably know if you're unemployed but maybe if you're in the grey area of not quite knowing I'll give you the top six. Sure. Next on the show though if you've got a scrotum I've got news for you. I'll say it out loud. I'll be listening.

Scrotum trend next. Play ZM's Flashborn and Hayley. Flash you were reading an article last night about how Botox has hit the mainstream so hard in recent years. I might be aging myself but I remember when it was quite a scary prospect. Scary and exclusive. And they'd be like, it's partialism. A teaspoon of it could kill a million people. Yeah, I know.

And now it's like everybody got it. Yeah. Everybody in the club. Getting bolt-on. I've never had it, but it's funny when you know people that have had it, like I know you've had it, and you show me what it looks like,

and I see you every day, and then I notice it. Yes. So much more in other people now. It's so much. When you know what you're looking for. Yeah and when you get it and you start to and you know how it changes your face then you cannot not notice when someone else has it. Yes. And I'll be talking to people I was like oh yeah straight up before he doesn't move which is like fine. And do you, how many people do you think have it, like percentage wise? Like of women my age and up, like 50%, like huge. I mean, it's expensive, it's a luxury for sure.

I'm actually getting some tomorrow in my jaw for my teeth grinding. I've never had it before. That's right, yeah. It's so sore and tight. And my dentist was like, you are grinding these down. And I just micro grind all day. And how does it start?

Is it the muscle? Because you relax the muscle so there's less tension so you're not going all day. What else does it do? I'm just looking up. Stop sweating? Yeah, you know the sweating one. Yeah, you get it injected in your pits

and it stops your sweating. Or I know some performers get it right in their hairline to stop sweat coming down while they're performing live. It can be used to treat chronic migraines, inject around the head and neck muscles to reduce frequency and severity of migraines, eye muscle disorders. If you've got cross... What? What if you stop the eyes going crossed if you've got cross-lap? Right in the pupil.

If you've got like, you know, like people that blink heaps. Oh yeah. Get involuntary blinking, it can be used. If you've got like, you know, like people that blink heaps. Oh yeah, yeah. Involuntary blinking, it can be used. If you've got an overactive bladder, Botox is injected into the bladder wall to reduce involuntary contractions of the bladder. It just relaxes things. Well, it stops the muscle from being tight and moving.

That's why the muscles in your forehead, if you get it there, can't move anymore. Well, that's another one. Facial twitching or as it's called, haemofacial spasms. Yeah. It reduces uncontrolled like tics and stuff. Frowning, I just called it frowning.

No, more like a tic or a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cervical dystonia, which is a neurological condition caused by involuntary neck and shoulder contractions. So I sort of went straight to the vagina for that one. I thought cervical. I thought too when it said cervical. Right, but out of all of those uses of Botox it turns out you've left one of your

list for one. Scrotox. Oh no. Yeah Scrotox and the Scrotox is purely cosmetic. Right. It is Botox in the Scrotal Botox. Yeah. Scrotal Botox that was my RockQuest band name. Scrotobotox! It is purely aesthetic to smooth out the wrinkles and fine lines of the scrotum. Okay. And give your bolos a bit of a sort of smoother appearance. Right. The likes of which apparently you might often see in porn and we wouldn't even know.

Oh, okay. If you see a lovely scrotum. Oh wow. And some adult content, chances are that that porn star's getting both, well, getting scrotox to add a tighter, smoother appearance to the. Right.

Goodness me. To the sacchus. Yeah. And apparently, this is from America, but this is on the rise. smoother appearance to the saccus. And apparently, this is from America, but this is on the rise. Over the last 10 years, a lot of nurses and doctors have noticed that it's becoming way more common. People might have a bit of a loose one. I wouldn't have thought the wrinkle or looseness of the scrotum was a muscle-related thing though.

Yeah, I'm not sure really. It's just little tweakments and sort of, you know, tightens things up a little bit. And also call me crazy. I think they're supposed to have a wrinkle. Yeah, they are. I would be alarmed to see a perfectly smooth one. Imagine a really, really smooth scrotum. I know.

I mean, they were even saying some people get a bit of filler in there if they're a bit emptier than the sack. Why does it matter? It's your balls. Yeah, like who cares? I know. Scrotox. They put it in. Honestly. How much would that cost?

You'd be adding that to your beauty regime, Fletch? No, absolutely not. I don't have a beauty regime. Well I've just had a wash in my face. Yeah, and I tell you what a beauty regime. Well I've just had a wash in my face. Yeah. Yeah, and I tell you what, she shines. So, to a 2,400-ish for one session. Ay! What? And that'll last, I mean, Botox between 3 to 6 months.

That is not, that's stupid money. It is not. That's what's inside the scrotum. So it does help with things like asymmetry, so if you're bigger on one side than the other, it will relax the other side. Over relaxation where it's hanging too low if you want to tighten her up. Weakness in nearby muscles.

Yeah. Okay, again. Wow. Waste of money. Keep it wrinkly. It's just murder. It's fine, right? It's fine.

They've never been the prettiest of things. Now I know you two have travelled to countries... You know you two lead singer Bono? Oh god, grow up! Don't come in here with that kind of humour this early. But what's the guitarist's name? The Edge. Oh Hayley, we don't say that. Hayley, we don't say that.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't hear her just walk straight into that. You've never seen Flesh cry. We don't even say that here. Oh my god, he's so upset. I know that both of you have travelled to countries where you don't speak the language. Very much so. I speak every language, so I'm not sure what you're talking about.

I will go to any country, I don't care. I would just love it. And you just stumble through. Yeah, Google Translate is one of the best. Somebody can, and then you're like, can I have a pad thai please? Or just point to the menu or whatever's in the food cabinet. That one, hold on, hold on.

I want that one. Well a study has found that one in three Americans deliberately avoid travel destinations. This does not surprise me at all. Where they can't speak English. That does surprise me because I feel like they just sort of bowl through into any country and don't even try to speak the language. Yeah, they don't want to be inconvenienced.

So I just out of interest, Google... And that's the Americans that travel I assume because some phenomenal amount of Americans will never leave America. Well that's what I just Googled. The 56% of Americans currently have a passport. That seems, to me that's higher than I thought. And do you know what's even crazier? In 2008 it was 30%. Yeah. Isn't that nuts? That's what I remember the stat being.

New Zealand is about 70% have a passport. I was gonna say we were mostly, cause we'd at least be going to Australia or the islands or something. 100%. That's really surprising. But is it because America's so different, so big and so vast and so different,

you can kind of get a bit of something from the same country Like you go to New York you go to Alaska you get a bloody Midwest like you're so close to like the Caribbean like Central America like Europe's like from New York What's that like eight hours? Yeah? It's so close China Japan and South Korea top the list of the most intimidating countries for American travelers. Only 58% say that they learn local phrases. Japan. Very big on speaking English. So China. You're alright.

But even if you go out the way where nobody speaks English, like you can get by with translation or... Oh yeah. because my parents live in quite a small little village in Italy and then so they're surrounded by not tourist places so when you do go into places you'll often try to speak English and they'll just be like no no no no no yeah whereas the main centers you'll be fine fine what is Italian for no no No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Hello there. Unemployment rates expected to hit a nine-year high. So labour market lags, economic performance reflecting last year's recession.

The economy has shed up to 40,000 jobs in the last two years. Annual wage growth is just above 2%, which is below inflation. It's all grim news, isn't it? It's grim, actually. We've all spent some time unemployed, haven't we? Yeah. Receiving the benefit of some haven't we? Yeah. Receiving the benefit of some sort or another.

Yeah. I think it was significantly easier to get the benefit when I got the benefit. You had to do chainsaw course. I did chainsaw course and I knew what I was doing, so I got to go home early. We had to paint a fence to upskill, and he was the only person

that painted the inside of the pickets. Oh, good boy, you can't leave those. They let me go early on that one too. I missed Auntie Helen's artist benefit by a couple of years, that was disappointing. Left drama school and I was like, eh? Well, they were giving money to artists. Yeah, Auntie Helen did the artist benefit

so that you, it's different to job seekers. Right. They'll give you a bit of money and you can work on your art. Yeah, work on your one man show. On your creative, your creative endeavours. Now, as a one-time unemployed person, You work on your one man show. On your creative endeavours. Now as a one time unemployed person,

I have the top six signs that you're unemployed. Okay. Number six on the list, you, like I, are also in a personal recession. Yeah, yeah. Probably best to be. That article actually said last year's recession. No, this year.

We're halfway through this year and I'm still haven't dug my way out of recession. Number five on the list of the top six signs you're unemployed. You don't have to answer to the man. Well that's a little side-pick. Unless the man is paying you weekly. Yeah, the doll man. You do actually, if you're getting that, you might actually have to answer.

They might have a lot of questions actually. They do, they have lots. Remember, fake it till you make it. Yeah. Number four. That's what I'm currently doing right now by the way. Number four, that's what I've been doing. I haven't got a radio since all my life.

I don't even know if I'm ever gonna make it. Yeah. I'm just gonna keep faking it. This is all faking. I'm gonna fake it, I'm gonna take it, I don't know if I'll ever make it. Fake it till you cark it. Almost rhymes.

Fark it till you cark it. I don't think that quite works. It changes the meaning entirely, but I still really like it. Number four on the list of the top six signs you're unemployed. A couple of years ago, you were a very helpful government employee. You were doing your job and you were doing it well. And then, I don't know, this little puppet come to life comes into government and demands that you know, I mean, it's weird, he's still got his job, but he said there's far too many

government employees. But you are living in a beautiful city, Wellington, you know. I mean, it's weird, he's still got his job, but he said there's far too many government employees. But you are living in a beautiful city, Wellington. You know what I mean? And on a good day. Leaky, it's drippy. Dribbly. It's a dribbly city. Number three on the list of the top six signs

you're unemployed, your swipe card stopped working. Oh, that'll be humbling. That's never happened to me. We've just tried to, oh yes it has, TVNZ. Remember we had swipe cards? Yeah. And then one day I yes it has, TVNZ. Remember we had swipe cards? And then one day I had a meeting at TVNZ and I went into swipe and it didn't work and I was like, oh.

You've been laid off on. Yeah, we might as well take that from ya. Yeah, oh. Yeah, yeah. That's right, they did stop them working. I thought I'd get to screw them, they stopped them working, yeah. Well they can't have you coming in and stealing a laptop.

I thought about stealing a laptop. You know, and some cutlery from the kitchen. Cancel my show, in and stealing a laptop. I thought about stealing a laptop. And some cutlery from the kitchen. Cancel my show. Yeah. I'll take a laptop. I actually stole a Wendy Petrie, while my... Did you?

Swipe cup is still working. Okay. Up the jacket. You would though. Number two on the list of the top six signs you're unemployed, you're a cat. Yeah. They're employed.

Famously unemployed. God, they just sleep, eh? Do you ever look at your cat and be like, you have it so good. Yeah. Yeah. Famously unemployed. God, they just sleep, eh? Do you ever look at your cat and be like, you have it so good. Yeah. Yeah, all the time. But they eat the same meal every day. Yes.

And they have to lick themselves. Yeah, and they've got to clean their own anus with their tongue. I think they look at us getting in the shower and they're like, man, I'd rather lick myself than to get wet like that. Yeah, true, they might. Even on their anus.

All perspective. Yeah, they probably see us wiping our bottoms with toilet paper and they're like, that is uncouth, they might. Even on the toilet. All perspective. Yeah, they probably see us wiping our bottoms with toilet paper and they're like, that is uncouth, have they not got a tongue? Yeah. I've got a shower of loofah. Imagine if that's how we had to clean ourselves. We wouldn't find it weird though, eh?

No, you wouldn't. We wouldn't have got used to it. But we'd have such a stink. Cause we'd be covering ourselves with our gross saliva. Yuck. Oh, I hate that smell of dried saliva when your mum used to bloody clean it with a muck off. I was gonna say after a big Pash sesh.

But you went with mum cleaning muck off your face. And number one on the list of the top six signs you're unemployed. You're not awake, you're not hearing this. Maybe catch it on the podcast on your drive to... Oh. Oh. We can listen on the podcast wherever you go. You don't need to be driving to work to listen to that podcast. We just love to have you as part of our podcast. That is today's top six.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now young producer Shannon was telling us about the new trend, is like a party? Yeah, you know how young people like don't really drink anymore? Yep. This is how we're having fun.

Yep. Yeah. With your board games and your fitness. Yeah. Yeah. There's this new trend I'm seeing online and they're calling them forcing parties. Not a great name, I'm just gonna straight up say it. Yeah.

Don't... I already feel like I want to resist it. Yeah. But basically what it is, is each person writes down or tells their friends what they've been procrastinating Like for me, I need to clean out the little cutlery sections of my drawer I did it the other day I need to do that so badly Yes you do Fledge

Yeah I know I just want to address Fledge as no honestly guys second drawer down you won't believe it Oh my god my second drawer down is a mess There is no dividers Why wasn't your second drawer down? Just all the utensils, but it's like... Just banging around in there. But it's perfectly placed for the three things that I always use.

No, last time that I was at your house when we did a podcast record, I nearly stabbed myself. It's disgusting in there. Right at me. I know. I probably could just actually chuck out half the stuff in there that I don't use. You're not going to use it. I did it the other day with my knives and forks, you know, the crumbs. Yeah.

I took out all the knives and forks and I took out the dividers and oh, Shannon, you must. Yeah, so this is what I need to do. So what I would do is say, hey, friends, Karwin, come over to my house. Oh, okay, all right, what are we, chop lover? For a forcing party. Yes, and you're gonna hold me accountable. You're gonna say, Shannon, get those crumbs out.

Karwin's over here, she's been doing, I don't know, tax fraud, she needs to do her taxes or something. I don't think you can just tax your way out of tax fraud. Once you've committed it, it's only committed at one point. I'm just trying to think of some admin heavy stuff that your friend might need to do. Okay, your end of year taxes. Fair enough.

Yeah. They come over and you say, Carwin, sit there and stop evading the IRS. IRS? The IRD, you watch too much. You watch too much American TV. Yeah, stop it. So then we sit there and we force each other to do our stuff.

Wait, sorry, when you've been doing your taxes, have you been doing them with the IRS? Oh no. Is that why I'm still legally out of the country? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You already live here. So the idea, okay, but the idea is that you're making your friends do their job,

but you're also helping them? Yeah, so you'd help each other. I'd help her with the IRS and she'd look at my crumbs. It's all about just helping each other and forcing each other and holding each other accountable. And I think this is fun. This is a working bee, right? When you say, oh my God.

Literally a rebranded working bee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been putting this off for so long. There's so much at my house that I'm like, we need a working bee. And I've just been putting it off for ages. Just really busy, I'm just really busy. It's sort of annoying,

because any time I talk to Vaughn, like hey, can you help me with this thing? And you're like, oh, rude that you don't ask me. And then I ask you to come and you're like, I'm so busy. It's a long way. It's a long way. Like it's literally driving to Hamilton. It's a 22 minute drive, but don't worry about it.

It's literally like driving to Hamilton. It's fine 22 minute drive, but don't worry about it. It's literally like driving to Hamilton. It's fine. Yeah, I get to Hamilton in 22 minutes. This is like a- The expressway is amazing. That's a 110 expressway, another 1,000 in a hundred. Yeah.

I get the idea of it because I have so many things and I'll forget and I keep putting them off and I'm like, I need to do that. That you're helping someone by sharing some accountability. Yeah. Yeah, I'm here for it. I think it'd be fun. Well, there you go.

There's one for your working bee. Shannon just said I'm here for it. Yeah. Do you want to help me? I love working bees. Look at all the great stuff we did work with, working bees throughout history. The pyramids.

They were slave labor. They were slaves. Great wall of China. That was the game slaves. Well, none of that's been proven. The pyramids. Oh, shit. No, that was slave. That was against slaves. Well, none of that's been proven. The pyramids. Oh, shit! No, I'm serious!

Oh, shit! They never figured out how they built the pyramids. Redact it now, redact it. I'm pretty sure they have figured it out. No, they haven't. They have, people just chose to ignore it. No, I've done my research. The whole- Here we go.

Where did you do your research? Why are you digging deeper into slavery? No, no, no, I'm not denying the people issues. I'm talking about physically how they built the pyramids. There's that hole in the middle where they put the pulley system through. It doesn't make sense. Do you know, that's what I love about Stonehenge.

Yeah. They moved those things. Even when you see an apartment being built now, it doesn't make sense. Like how do they get the crane down? I've never seen them take the crane down. I've actually never seen them take the crane down. What crane do they use to get the crane up?

There's no crane tall enough to get the crane up there. It's crane on crane. It's, and then we go to sleep. It's crane madness. And the crane's gone. Yeah. They do it while they know we're not looking. Yeah, they do it because it's magic and they know that we're asleep. Yeah. They do it while they know we're not looking. Yeah, they do it because it's magic.

And they know that we're asleep. Yeah. Some sort of cloak wizardry. Like Santa. Oh, aliens. Here it comes when you're asleep. Yeah. And like those big cranes that build skyscrapers.

Do you think Santa's magic and the cranes are intertwined somehow? It's all one and the same, yeah. It's all one and the same. It's one and the same. They don't want us to see it. We're on to you. Play Dead Ems, Fletch, Vaughan and Hailey. It's all one of the same. It's a unit of the same. They don't want us to see it. We're on to you. Please.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole today, girlies, are you shaving your legs at the moment? We ask because it's winter, we ask because there's alternatives, and we ask because I will speak on my own, but I'm not expected of anybody anymore.

Nah, it's definitely a bit like less the must do. Yeah remember the 90s when you had to be wafer thin and hairless? Oh god yeah thank god everyone's so body positive and inclusive these days. Steps in the right direction. We are steps in the right direction. And a little step is better than no step at all. It is indeed but you know step bigger and faster. I lasered mine off. What are you calling me fat and slow? No I mean society step bigger and faster. I lasered mine off. What are you calling me, fans slow? No, I mean society step bigger and faster. Right, society's calling you that. Society, agree, you're fans slow.

She's calling society fans slow. So, yeah, I lasered mine off, but it's patchy. You've got to sort of do top ups. How many, because we've done the back laser board, best money you'll ever spend. Yeah, I need a top up. I did like ten. Took forever. I was going to say it would take a long time. But now I know, Shay. And the years that come back are fluffy.

And how good is that, like? Well, I had quite dark hair, like my mum. And we're both lasered. Do you know my mum wanted to be a pump instructor in the 90s when she was an absolute Les Mills thing. What are you going to say when she was an absolute lesbian? When she was an absolute Les Mills thing. Yeah. I think you were saying when she was an absolute lesbian. When she was an absolute Les Mills thing. She hasn't, but I feel like she could have a lesbian experience if she wanted to later in life. At the rest time I reckon that's when you experiment. Yeah.

Weird, it's either at university in like a halls of residence or a rest home, which is basically an old people halls of residence. Totally. Anyway, she didn't end up wanting to do the- I wonder if they have signs in the communal bathrooms about masturbating in the showers. There's no communal, I think. Oh, do you get your own shower? How do you get your own?

Oh, that's nice. No, no, there's like little- Probably still a sign saying no masturbating in the shower. Probably. Well, cause someone's in there with you, the nurse. Anyway, she didn't want to do the pump instructing because she didn't want to have to shave her legs every day to wear the little outfits.

Oh, okay. And then now she's like, how stupid! Yeah. Does she have an epilator? Remember those things? Yeah, dude. Oh, man. There's a cat plane, I think, getting here. Just...

So, the poll results. Are you shaving your legs at the moment? 55% said yes, 45% said no. Oh my god, girlies! Bailey, just the ankle and lower calf area, stop in mid shin, just enough for a little bit of leg peeking out the bottom of my pants every now and again. Appears smooth but secretly I'm warm and cosy

with hairy insulation out of sight. Love that, keep it warm. That's well thought out, well done Bailey. Shah said yes because drying and moisturising my dolphin smooth legs after a shower gives me the dopamine I need during the seasonal depression. I think you'll find. And she puts sparkles on the side of seasonal depression, which I like actually,

dressing up your seasonal depression. But I think you find if you touch a dolphin, it's actually quite hard. Hard but smooth. It is smoothish, but they're actually quite beaten up, the old dolphins. It's not as smooth as you think. You'd say smooth as a baby's bottom, because those are smooth. But a dolphin's, yeah, callousediston hard from years of swimming in the ocean. Dolphins.

She's imagining the dolphins are smooth. I don't imagine they- Well I've touched a dolphin. And they're not- You punched a dolphin. I didn't punch it, I said I swum with a dolphin. When did you punch a dolphin? I didn't punch it.

You said I punched a dolphin. I punched a dolphin. Wow. I reckon they could take it. Oh my god those things are so powerful. They're just insane. Yeah they are they're made of such a firm rubber like a tire. Yeah. The tire of the ocean. Bridget says yes it's netball season otherwise they'd be looking like a wildebeest. Being on the farm and always having my legs covered I couldn't care less but instead I play

winter sports when my legs are out so I shave. Yeah. I'm just gonna um Bridget what do you reckon, what position does Bridget play? Wing defence. Wing defence. I was gonna say just that centre, that middle one. The centre. Centre. Wing defence, such an important but underrated position on the netty, on the netty court.

Wing. Wing attack, wing defence. I don't even know. Goal attack. Yeah. I don't know how that ball works. Goal defence. But go the silver fern how that ball works. Golda Tang. Golda defense. But go the silver ferns. Silver nuggets. Go the long nuggets. They'd be tenders.

Not nuggets. Yeah they would be. Go the silver tenders. The silver tenders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go the silver tenders. Love that. This is from Anonymous who says,

"'Bro, I'm not even putting makeup on anymore and I barely brush my hair. I'm just squirting choc was in my mouth to start the day. I'll do a mean skincare routine at night though. Okay. I'm still wearing makeup too. I just cannot be bothered. Same.

Shit, I had to start the day with a squirt of choc wizz in the mouth. I don't know if that's the best way to start the day. It's terrible, it's terrible. But seasonal depression, sparkle sparkle. Sparkle sparkle, through it. Wax and laser says Amanda, so no need. Yeah. That's good.

Marie said, Velcro legs are no fun. So I don't know- Prickles, she's got the prickles. Prickles, yeah. If she's saying yes or no to the shaving. Yes she is, because Velcro legs are no fun. Every day can't be that, every day? Can't be that sweet, sweet feeling as you slip through the, slip your legs

through the sheets every night. I'm imagining this person's short though. I've got a lot of legs. Less to shave. More leg to shave. Jamie said, yes, but like once a month when I feel like it slash remember. Sarah, we are two thirds of the way through calving.

Oh, okay, I thought she meant she was going two thirds of the way up the calve, but she's talking about calving as a little cow's coming out of big cows. We're two thirds of the way up the carve, but she's talking about carving as in little cows coming out of big cows. We're two-thirds of the way through carving. I don't have time to worry about that. Alex, my husband is mad because he says this excludes 50% of the population from the poll. We've done male only once. We do the poll each night together. He's very sad that he doesn't get to vote. Tell him to shave his legs off and answer yes.

He could be a girly. Girly's a state of mind. Yeah, it is. Ginger's a societally. Girly is a state of mind. Yeah. Ginger is a societal construct. Girly is a state of mind. Yeah. Um, Merida says long-term relationship plus general laziness equals me in my natural form. So she's not. Embrace her. She's not shaving her legs. She's happy as she is. Well we asked you, girlies at the moment, are you shaving your legs? And 55% of you said yes we are. Play ZM's Fletchborne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborne and Hayley. Okay there's a massive survey that looked at globally what we consider to be cool. What makes you a cool person. Right. I guess things like tattoos, had a nose ring for 10 years. Playing instrument. Yeah. Driver Mazda.

You know the man, still up. Driver Mazda, Driver Mazda. Okay, is that on the list? Big Mazda. So I know I'm cool and I've actually known it. I've known it my whole life. Right. Yeah, it's just one of those things that I was born cool,

I think. It's weird because I know cool people and they never say they're cool. Like, Haley Jones, wow. I've never heard them vocalise. They are just effortlessly cool. I didn't say I'm effortless, no, that's its own category, thank you, of effortlessly cool.

And effortlessly cool sometimes fades. Remember the effortlessly cool people when you were teenagers and then they just kind of like, skated through and then never really fired. So 6,000 people were surveyed from 12 countries across the globe. They described things as people as cool, not cool, good or not good. Rather than not cool or uncool. Psychological measures were used to identify associated traits and values.

So they basically just showed people a bunch of traits and went, what makes people cool? Now, obviously culturally, like across different countries, there were countries that were like lots of different things that were just like unique to that culture. I wonder, have you ever thought about in what country you'd be your coolest? New Zealand.

Do you reckon? Oh, yeah. Like, go to a country where they're just like, whoa. Whoa, yeah, like if you're here and you're like, from Ireland, we're like, man, you're kind of cool. You know what I mean? Accent work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's true. Accents doing all the lifting. Accents doing all the lifting. Yeah, because in Ireland, everyone's like, shut up. Yeah, they go back to Ireland, they're like, who are you? Who are you? Yeah. But then, so there were some global trends.

Okay. About what made you cool. And I think... Is nonchalance in there? Kind of. Kind of. Okay, what are the traits? So the traits are extroverted,

that's the way. You're outgoing, you're social, that when people are extroverted, we look at them and we think they're cool. Because it's a confidence thing. I thought mysterious introverts were cooler. Yeah, maybe. Poets with cigarettes. Yeah, mysterious introverts.

Yeah. Cool people tend to be hedonistic and they seek pleasure and enjoyment. They're just out there looking for pleasure. That's me. That's all I live for. Not to raise a family, not to be good, but to be pleasure-filled. Yeah. Adventurous.

Pleasure-filled. I want my whole entire day in life to be pleasure-filled. Yeah. Adventurous. Pleasure-filled. Pleasure-filled. I want my whole entire day in life to be pleasure-filled. That could just be anything. Yeah, anything. Pleasure-filled. Food, a lovely cocktail, some socialising.

A beautiful walk. Just joy, a touch. And then it was a bit of... Adventurous. Haley Jane Spruill. What? Karl Peter Fletcher. Move along. Adventurous, willing to take risks and try new things.

And I was like, come on, let's go, let her know, we'll give it a go. But you know, ballsy. I'd say, I don't know that I'm adventurous. I think I would love to be adventurous. Right. But I don't know that I actually. Well you don't want to go on a hike with us, do you?

No, that's cause you walk too fast. I'll hike, I hike on my own. You don't tend to enjoy it as you're walking, you just seem to want to get somewhere as close as you can. No, I enjoy it while I enjoy the vistas. That's not adventurous. That's competitive. Such a pace. Such a pace. Slow down. The dock times are for old people.

Oh, we've got to get the good beds. When it's three hours to the hut, it means an hour. I'll sleep on the floor to enjoy a leisurely hype. Cool people tend to be, as voted by the people around the world, open, like open-minded, curious, receptive to new experiences, not closed off, not kind of like... Powerful is another trait. Influential, charismatic. Yeah. I mean, God, that's me for days. Is there anything on this list about like clothes and looks? Because that's interesting, eh? No, the last one that was globally agreed upon was autonomous.

They act independently and they live by their own rules. You know, they're not sort of following anything or anyone. Well, they dress however they like. Dress however they like. That's the cool, I find that cool. Like, yes, you'll see someone who's very on trend and fashionable, you're like, oh yeah, they're cool. But when you see someone who's doing their own thing,

you're like, far out. Wish I could be a bit like that, you know? Today I'm wearing leggings and a T-shirt. That's embarrassing. You know what I mean? A ponytail. I used to be a lot cooler than that. But anyway, that's what it is.

That's what makes you cool. So try really hard. Try really hard to do all those things and you'll be cool too. No, those are just, you've got to sort of relax into them. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. This is a theory I think has legs and I think it should be part of a sale and purchase or a renters agreement. Okay.

Okay. Reddit user WildPepper said, I want to sleep in a house before I buy it. Headline. What? I've often thought of when you go. Oh my God, what a great idea. When you go to rent, you always, or buy a house, always check the shower pressure. Yeah, always.

How many times did you move into a flat and then you have the first shower and you're like, I didn't check. It's once. It's dribbly. It's dribbly. Once. I know, and- A man, a tall man pissing on ya. Oh, hey.

Hailey. Oh, hey. Why do you never have that before? Please have some decorum. That's what weak showers are like, A man, a tall man pissing on you. Oh, hey. Hailey! Oh, hey. Have you never had that before? Deforum! That's what weak showers are like, a very tall man has taken away on you. Oh, Hailey. Wow. Oh, I didn't realise you were so sensitive.

That's a broadcasting fine, I think. Am I getting a broadcasting fine? In fact, I might actually file that. An internal BSA complaint. That would be quite a, that would be a first time, I think. I might actually file that. Internally? An internal BSA complaint. That would be quite a, that would be a first time I think. I'm going to do it. A member of the show then complains about their show and then in turn getting themselves

in trouble. Not me. Yeah, but you're on the show. Well no, someone's just messaged in saying they agree with me. That's a great saying. You've never heard that saying in my life. I've never heard that person message that in as a filthy beggar.

Like a tall man. Filthy beggar. I think they're a filthy beggar. Oh, gosh. But you always do, you always check the shower. So this person says, I'm looking to buy my first time and these are the things I want to be able to do.

I want to turn up on a Saturday night because I think that's the night of the week. You get a fair representation of the neighbourhood you're living in. Yes. Parties, any kind of hooligans in the neighbourhood. Hooligans and skitters, people doing skits, boy racers. Yeah. I thought you meant people just crapping up the street and you're like, well you want to know if they're there.

Well you want to know. I'll bring my air bed and a sleeping bag and I'll pump it up and I'll sleep in the house for the night and see what I want to, I want to take a lamp, I want to plug it into every PowerPoint, I want to open every window, I want to open every cupboard, I want to have a shower. I want to run every tap I want to save the neighbors kick off at 9 p.m. Or mow the lawns at 6 a.m. But the seller doesn't want you to know that stuff. That's the thing. That will never happen.

That's why they work. I would love to know if anybody's ever done that. Like if a real estate agent, if their house was empty and there was like no... I reckon if you were a serious contender, a real estate agent would bend over backwards to get that sale. Surely, right? And if it was empty, if it was like an empty house and it was staged or whatever, they'd let you.

You'd be like, can I just? Surely. I won't even sleep in the bed. I mean, I guess you could. But I'm gonna have a shower. You could drive around the neighbourhood at night and see if it was noisy. So yeah, when I bought my place,

we would drive into the street, crawl up and we went out Friday, Saturday nights, like mid-week, mid-day.day. And we'd sit there, listen, is there any themes of like that house is constantly noisy? For weeks and weeks and weeks. And I'm so glad because I was moving from a neighborhood where I had annoyed them so much that they pissed in my car vent.

Like a tall man. Like a tall man. Or they pissed in your car vent like a poor shower pressure. Shower pressure. Like a tall man. Or they put a poor shower pressure. Yeah, shower pressure. But it was definitely worth it. It was the closest. It would literally like park up outside the house. That is now my house. Yeah, yeah. And just wait. Listen. Somebody said my uncle did this. Really? Yeah. And the same with a flat.

Like, do you reckon a flat would let you try a night? I don't know. They would all be on their best behaviour too. Exactly. But also that would be weird. You'd know that's a flatmate that's like gonna- Be pedantic. Be pedantic about everything.

My friend's dad used to go into open homes to shower. Now what would the real estate agent have to write your name and number down and take your shoes off at the door and then what, you arrive with a towel? And you're nude? Just go to the pool or something if you want to shower. Plus you've made the bathroom steamy. You'll have to pay for a membership.

Made the bathroom steamy now. Okay, that's another thing that you'd know if you took a shower there, if the extractor fan is, why are all extractor fans in bathrooms? Terrible. Oh my God, I'm getting a second one put in my bathroom. It's either that or you have a jet in there. Dude, I want a jet.

I want a jet, mine's so bad. I'm gonna get a second one. If I had a cubicle shower, I'd have a shower dome. No moss, no mold, no condensation. Yeah, yeah wanna jet. I wanna jet. Mine's so bad. I'm gonna get a second one. If I had a cubicle shower, I'd have a shower dome. No moss, no mold, no condensation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'd always sing the jingle on the shower. Shower dome! No moss, no mold, no condensation!

Yeah. It's good stuff, yeah. Imagine how fun your shower would be if you got a shower dome. I've got a great extractor. You should get one like mine. It's a good extractor. What's your extractor? Yours is in the bathroom. Mine's weak. Yours is in the bathroom, above the shower.

Above the shower. So is mine, but then the little corridor bit out, it's the walls against your dripping. You know why? Because I looked up, if you've got a big bathroom, like you do and I do, you need at least a couple. Yeah, I'm gonna get another one. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Extractivant. You probably need one above that. Extravagant. Yeah, you do. Extractivant. And then they're never nice. Extractiv one above it. Yeah, you do. Extractivant. And then they're never nice, they're always ugly. Ha. Extractivant.

I heard it this fourth time I heard it. Ha. Just sounds like you're saying both words right. But I'm saying extractivant. It actually works for so many reasons that that's one of my funniest jokes. Well, is it? Is it?

Is it? I wouldn't be proud if that's one of your funniest. I've got a big window in my bathroom. So I open that. I don't need two extractive events. I just need one decent extract event. Right. I've got windows in mine, but it's not always good to open them.

It's rainy or it's late. It's cold. Spiders, snakes, mungatoes. You know? Aliens. Because aliens always nap in a window. How many? Because you've found like eight perverts, you know? Yeah, aliens. Because aliens are always napping in a window. How many? Because you've found like eight perverts outside your shower. Honestly, there have been times when I'm like,

God, it's getting bloody condensation-y in here. And I open the window, I'm like, for God's sake, there's like eight perverts out there at once. And I'm like, please schedule yourselves. You haven't even had one pervert, have you? Not a single pervert. Well, it's R.I.P to NCEA. It was me.

I did NCEA, fifth form, sixth form, seventh form. When did it come in? 2002. 2002. 2002. Yeah. So there's going to be changes. NCEA level one will be scrapped.

Replaced with foundational skills award focusing on literacy and numeracy. Okay, because that's the problem, right? Where it's slipping behind and maths and reading and writing and numbers. Do they not know that e-books is reading? Do you know what I mean? Audio books is reading.

Audio books is reading. Do they not know that we all have calculators on our phones? Like literally, they don't do photography either because we've got those on our phones as well. Yeah, yeah. There's not much we don't have. I reckon AI is going to be, you know,

they're saying this is going to be introduced in four years. Right. Will be when the Foundational Skills Award is implemented in 2028. I reckon AI's probably got it by then. You reckon? Yeah.

So what else is changing? So year 12 students will work towards what is gonna be called the New Zealand Certificate of Education and year 13 students will achieve the New Zealand Advanced Certificate of Education. Okay. Those will replace NCA level twos and threes, they'll move away from the current standard based models,

introduce structured subject based programmes, which is kind of like what it used to be basically. And you'll get marks out of 100 and that will imply like A's to E's. There's no F, there was never F in New Zealand. But E's, don't be scared, future students listening to get an A because with a stroke of a pen, you can change that to a B.

Yeah, and just curve it off. Yeah, yeah. Curve that off. B's are more than what you need for degrees. Bees get, yeah, C's get degrees. C's get degrees. Yeah. You are going to have to do English and maths in year 11, which is the third to last, because year 13 is like the final year of high school, right?

God, I hated maths so much. I dropped it as soon as I could. I thought you had to do maths. Yeah, I thought you did too. I'm pretty sure we had to do it. We had to do it until fifth form and then you could drop it. And it was like, sayonara. In years 12 and 13.

One plus one plus one, it ain't. Yeah, three. It ain't three. I'm never going to need maths with brackets. I'm a comedian. Yeah. What, you want me to be counting up my laughs? That's easy. That's addition.

You don't learn maths with brackets. How are you going to comment the correct answer on a Facebook post? Exactly. I saw one of those the other day. That's easy, that's addition. You don't learn maths with brackets, how are you gonna comment the correct answer on a Facebook post? Yeah, exactly, I'm gonna be like, it's 2017, only 0.7% of people will get this right. So credits, they're going. Gone. They're going. Gone. The joke of NCEA was the earning of credits.

And this is exactly what we wanted to talk about this morning. Right. Because we mentioned this just before in our friend Matt message. He said that he did tourism in year 13 Tourism I think that's like a central otago otago Fandango subject

We have tourism no So he said I did tourism in year 13 and literally got 36 credits for an overnight trip to Queenstown. I mean, I love, did they go to Marcos? Did they go to Blue Canoes? I feel like going to Queenstown should cost you credits. Like two credits for just doing the luge? For being brave? You do all the work and you earn credits to go to Queenstown

to spend your credits. Yes. Imagine if we got credits for going to the onsen. Do you know what I mean? In the jet over. Yeah, lovely. What we do, we get life credits. Like, little dopamine hits. Dopamine bites, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, you hear these stories,

and this is why the system obviously hasn't been working, because it was ridiculous. Yeah, totally. And that's what we wanna know this morning. Give us a call, 0800 DALZM, text through 9696. What is the silliest thing that you got credit for? NCA. NCA credit for? NCEA.

NCEA credit for. Yeah, give us a call. Want to know with the end insight of NCEA, it's being changed. When's it wrapping up? When's it actually finishing? Couple more years. Oh yeah, so it's a slow taper. Yeah.

And then there's some feedback and they're going to, you know, bring in the changes. Yeah. And then it'll be the end of, yeah, the credits. And that is what we're asking this morning. What did you get a credit for? Some of these things that people are like, oh, this is ridiculous, they got credits for this. But I just think they were learning life skills.

So they should have got credits for it. More life skills would be helpful. My son got four level three credits for learning how to sharpen knives when he was in year 13. That's a fantastic skill. Like how good is it if he was like, someone's like, man, this knife's blind. And he's like, oh, I'll sort it out. I know how to sharpen that. Yeah, but you is it if someone's like, man, this knife's blunt, and he's like,

oh, I'll sort you out, I know how to sharpen that. Yeah, but you just buy that thing off the infomercial. Yeah, yeah, the little thing, you just got this one. I get advertised that, and then I love. I know, I want one so bad. I've got one. Do you reckon they're good? Do you?

No, no, not that thing. Those are trash. I was gonna say, why are you so horny for it? It's trash. No, that thing that, it's like a whetstone, and it comes at a 15 degree angle, and you go. You've got a whetstone. I know I've got a whetstone, but I can't hold a 15 degree angle. No, it's not a whet it, it's trash. No, that thing that, it's like a whetstone and it comes at a 15 degree angle and you go. You've got a whetstone. I know I've got a whetstone, but I can't hold a 15 degree angle.

It's a machine and you put it in there and it's like, it does it. No, I don't want that machine. I want the diamond whetstone thing. Right. But I'm always having to ask on Facebook. Okay, can I just, adjacent to that. How sexy is it watching someone sharpen a knife?

Well, cause have you ever been to a knife sharpening party? No. Do you know that? No. Oh my God, they were all the rage a couple of years back and you would, like, I would host a dinner party, say, invite all my friends, you guys bring your knives and we all chip in for a knife sharpener

and he comes and he sharpens your knives at the parties. I've been to one before, it's fun. You turn up with your knives. What, wait, there's finally a party I want to attend. Yeah, oh, they're so fun. And you just turn up with a little bag of crap knives. Can I bring my cleavers? I wonder if this guy has NCEA credits.

Maybe that's where he got them from. Is it the guy in the little white van? I don't know. Yeah. Well, this guy. I went on a snowboarding trip with Outdoor Education, got credits for meeting at the cafe at lunchtime because it was navigation above the snow line.

Give me strength. Did you get a scone and a cough? I'm sorry, anyone can drive to the car park. Yeah, but those credits would have cost them $44. Yeah, true. Cause they wanted a scone and a park. Yeah, but those credits would have cost them $44. Yeah, true. Because they wanted a scone and a cough. Yeah. Um, some of the other things people got are credits for...

Oh, I got two credits for successfully logging into a computer in Computer Skills. That's good. Give me three credits for reversing a trailer. More people need to learn how to reverse trailers in Sharpen Night. Yeah, I agree. Cameron, what did you get some credits for? reverse traders and sharper knives. Cameron what did you get some credits for? Morning I got credits for equine studies at school which was just filling out workbooks about horses. So you didn't even have to touch a horse?

No not technically for the books no it was filling out like what part of the horse is that? Tail, tail! Did you put the back bit? Main. Yeah, no, it was full 24 credits over multiple books. Because how did it work? You had to get certain amount of credit, say, to pass the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Each book was like three or four credits and they were all like different topics, but it was all pretty easy stuff. I reckon I could get those horse credits. I'm not even a horsey. The wonder we're all dumb and the country's going to hell in a hand basket. Yeah, you're right. And we're changing the system with this carry on. Thank you Cameron. News talk ZB, good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. My wife went to Cambridge High and got credits for picking up rubbish. I remember this controversy. That's right. That was a few years back. I got a point for gift wrapping. That's just one point. That's a really good skill. few years back. I got a point for gift wrapping. That's just one point. That's a really good skill. To be fair, that-

I think you should have got more. Yeah, it could lead to a summer job at Westfield. I'm actually a phenomenal gift wrapper. Yeah, I know. I could have got credits there. It's getting ripped off. I don't care so much for the wrapping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

Oh, really? Fair enough, fair enough. I got four excellence credits because I played softball. I had my coach sign the sheet and I was done. Excellence credits. Is that a higher ranking credit? Cooking a chicken in the oven.

May that. Wait, wait. We cooked a chicken in the oven, but I said, I cooked that with a hungy, and that's all I had to say, I got 25 credits. What? Nice, because we've got a cultural twist here. The point you've got a cultural,

well that is a white person's hungy. Yeah, but that's harder than turning the oven on, isn't it? You've got to dig a hole, you've got to heat the stones that is a white person's hungry. Yeah, but that's harder than turning the oven on, isn't it? You've got to dig a hole, you've got to hate the stones. There's a hole in the sun. Yeah. You got credits for getting each level of your driver's license when I was at school. Oh!

Uh-uh. Again, encouraging good life skills. My friend in year 11 got credits for working at Maccas because it was showing initiative. Get a job. Yeah, get a job. Get a job. Get a job.

Like who would have thought. Get a job. I, get a job. Get a job. Get a job. Like who would have thought? Get a job. I got pregnant at school and so I worked at the daycare through a subject called gateway and I got credits for raising my own child. I mean, that's one of the hardest jobs out there. Yeah.

You're raising a child. I got 30 credits towards my qualification during the entirety of NCEA just from first aid courses. I just go along and just be like yep, stand alive, stand alive. I got five credits for starting and then pushing a lawn mower two meters just to show them I knew how to do that. I got credits for making plunger coffee. What? But! Valuable life skills. Yeah because when people plunge too quick.

Oh you've always got to let it brew. Let it brew. Oh my God, I know when people do it. And then slowly plunge. I have a friend who stirs. What do you mean stirs? I stir it. I'll put a little bit of cold water

in the bottom of the plunger. Give it a quick stir. Don't want to burn the coffee. Then fill it up with boiling water. Leave. Set. Plunge. My family was just pouring white plunge.

Yeah, that's why everyone calls them the burnt coffee Sproul house. I wondered why. That's why. My son got credits for doing blow carting in year nine. That's like blow carting on the beach. I went blow carting, it's so fun. What, I'm sorry, but how is that gonna, okay, cool.

Blow carting was something a little bit different with Ozzy. That's gonna get you into university? Yeah, I'll blow cart you all the way through the doors, Bo. My brother got a credit for turning up to a meeting with the principal. He got an NCEA credit. My brother had wagged school a lot,

so this was considered a way to get him credits, as if he just had to turn up. It's a real low bar, some of these, you know? Low bar. Somebody said, I was a teacher during COVID and during the lockdown, if a student sent me a picture of their at-home workspace, they got five credits. Right.

My son basically passed NCEA level two by making coffee at the school cafe. Wow. School cafe. That sounds like slave labor credits. If I'm sending my kid to a school that's bourgeois enough to have a cafe, I'm expecting the teachers to teach them something.

Yeah. Even if he's the great- Oh, we didn't have a cafe, I'm expecting the teachers to teach them something. Yeah. Even if he's the great... We didn't have a cafe. Even if he's the great unteachable. Somebody else said, I also did equine studies and I got credits for picking up horse poo with a spade. Someone's got to pick it up though. Yeah.

Well credited, I would say. I got half of my credits for level three in level one from becoming a volunteer firefighter. I had passed level three by June in level one. How does that work? Oh, I went into one of my sets of exams having already passed the year. Right.

I'm getting so many credits. Maybe they got like a hundred for each fire they put out. Yeah. That's worth it. That would tally up pretty quickly. That's worth it. Now somebody messaged in saying they went to Jesus school and they got credits for learning about Jesus.

Somebody else earlier said they went to a religious school and they got one credit for each one of Jesus's disciples they could name. I could do a few. How many? Okay. Matthew. Matthew, Josie.

Judas. No, you're thinking about the pussycats. Oh, okay. Judas is there, Judas. Judas, Mary. Judas, Mary. Was Mary a disciple? No, because all the disciples were all good.

She was there at the dinner, she was there at lunch. Daryl, was there a Daryl? Yes, that's a Christian. Keith, Mary. Judas, Mary. Judas, Mary. Was Mary a disciple? Nah, cause all the disciples were all good. She was there at the dinner. She was there at lunch. Daryl? Was there a Daryl? Daryl, yes. Keith, Keith. Keith. He was on the far side.

Yes. Rangi. Rangi, yep. Rangi was there. He was there. Jamal. Everyone thinks that the disciples were all white. No, they weren't.

No, they weren't. Jamal was there. It was actually a sort of a UN of sorts. Yeah, that's right. The first UN. Sinead. I mean, I know what that, Sinead. Yeah that's right. The first UN. Shnead. I mean I know what that is, Shnead. Yep.

It was world represented. Yeah it was, yeah very well. Yeah. Good stuff. And that New Zealand is why it appears we're ditching NCEA. That's right. I come to you with fashion news today I've worn leggings and old t-shirt a bun and my gym shoes. Fashion. So I really feel

effortlessly qualified to talk fashion. Now this is in replacement they are saying for the for women in particular in replacement of sneakers, of kicks, which came back in such a big way thanks to Lily Allen. Is that who we're crediting that with? Remember? Yeah. It was always the big frou-frou dresses and the kicks, the Air Force ones and stuff, and everyone was like, that's a cool look. Yeah. We didn't think about wearing sneakers for a while. We had to wear boots and heels and flats and all sorts. So this is apparently... And those ugly shoes where your toes peep out. Peep toes.

They were horrendous. Do you wanna see the tip of two of my toes? Just the little end bits, always dry as well. Dry. Peep my dry toes. Well now, what's coming back is the jazz shoe. And I don't mean like. What is a jazz shoe? Your jazz dance shoe, I don't mean like your jazz dance shoe.

I mean think, ooh, yuck. Doesn't Georgia Burt have some of these? Doesn't Georgia Burt have some jazz shoes? Why does she have jazz shoes? Why does she say, oh, yuck? It's kind of like. She's always very trendy. She's always well dressed.

I misspoke. I misspoke. It's not just the ladies, men as well. Do you know who's been seen? Fashion icon Mick Jagger. He's like a hundred. Why are we taking fashion advice from Mick Jagger? But people are saying the low profile jazz shoe, think you're kind of like 1920s, broke, right? From like actual classic jazz days. Al Capone gangster. Gangstery.

You might wear these to a great Gatsby party. Yes. And you know how I absolutely hate Greg Gatsby. He loves it. The jazz shoe trend taps into the ballet core revival, your wraparounds, your flats far back. Okay. Blending everyone's love for nostalgic dancewear

with modern street style, sleek, minimal and universally wearable, fast replacing the statement sneaker as the off-duty footwear for people in fashion. I'm not. I am not on board with a slim flat dance broke. I love the sneaker look.

You know, like a big bright sneaker and something fun, your vaginas. You can just let it pass you by. What did you just say? Your vaginas. You can't say that on the by. What did you just say? Your vaginas. You can't say that on the radio. Your vaginas. Remember they were the big shoe for a while, your vaginas.

I've got no idea what you're talking about. Vaginas, vaginas, vaginas. How do I spell these? Oh my god, Vaughan don't follow us. Don't worry, Hon you're wearing Star Wars sneakers today. I moved back to a sneaker recently. How do you even come to have Star Wars shoes? I got sent them because I like Star Wars.

But that doesn't mean you have to wear them. No, I know for a while I didn't. It's not even a cool sneaker. This is a cool sneaker. When you're wearing farm socks with them, there's no thought. I really would hope someone would beam those up off your feet. Yeah, beam me up, Chewie.

Do you know what I mean? When it comes to those shoeys, beam me up, shoey. Play ZM's FletchBorn and Hayley. Like. Hey you on the phone, I better can guess your mum's name. I love this game. Me too. Every time, it's so much fun. It's actually been a hot minute too, so I'm, I hope you're feeling fresh, born.

And we're already in August, and I think you've had a good run in 2025. We haven't played too much, but have you? She's saying when you were like, we're already in August, and I was gonna laugh because I thought you've had a good run in 2025. We haven't played too much. But have you guessed? When you were like, we're already in August, and I was gonna laugh because I thought you were telling a joke. Nah bro.

No, it's August of fifth. It's basically September. How? I know. Thank God. What, do you want this one to keep going? No. What, are you having fun?

You've had a good run though with Better Can Guess Your Mum's Name. Yeah. I don't think there've been too many misses this year. No. Sarah joins us to play. Good morning, Sarah. Yeah. I don't think there've been too many Mrs. this year. No thanks. Sarah joins us to play. Good morning Sarah. Morning.

Okay now Sarah, Warner's gonna ask you five questions about your mum and then he's gonna have 15 seconds to try and guess her name. Okay. Okay, Sarah I'm gonna start with the timeless classic. How old's your mum, like what year was she born? 62.

You know what, you didn't make a spiritual connection, you didn't hum with her. I don't need to. It's too late. What do you mean you don't need to? I don't need to. Why? He's not wearing his work boots.

He's got less between him and the soil. I've been earthing heaps lately. He's wearing his unlucky Star Wars shoes. I know. We'll see. Yeah. We'll see if my Star Wars sneakers. And a Star Wars top like one or t'other, you know? Or another. Or another. Or neither. It's called neither.

If it wasn't workplace bullying I'd wait till he took those shoes off and throw them away. If this was five years ago, jeez we would would do a whole thing. Yeah, like, poll, are these stupid shoes and everyone would be like, yes, and Vaughan would cry and we'd laugh. Yeah. How lame does Vaughan look today on a scale of one to lame-o? Yeah, yeah, yeah. People would be like, lame, lame, lame. Keep pushing.

Yeah, I don't reckon we'd have to push. For two people who know how close I am. Yeah. To the verge of a mental breakdown! Just say maybe just leave the shoes on. I'm gonna go with some Star Wars names here. I've got Leia, I've got Carrie. Oh my god, Carrie.

Yeah, Chewie. Chewie. Chewie. Chewie. Darth. Okay, 60s names. Put C-3PO on there. Born in the 60s.

Okay, Darth rhymes with Garth, and Garth was Jenny Garth from Beverly Hills 902. Jenny, put Jenny. No wait, but did Sarah say she was born in 1962, or she is 62? No, she's born in 19, did you say born in 1962? Born, yes born.

So she'd be 63. Put a Karen, put a Karen down. Always. Put a Karen, a Helen. Put Patsy, cause my mum was 61. Yeah, Patsy. 60. I don't think we've ever had a Patsy. I guess we've always just put our mum's, or my mum was 61. Yeah, Patsy. 60. I don't think we've ever had a Patsy.

I guess we've always just put our mum's, or our mum's name. Yeah, put a Cathy down too. Patsy and Bev. Yeah, put a Bev down. You put a Susie, it's Susie. Mark my words. You reckon, okay.

It's a Susie. Next question. Card Mark. What are your mum's siblings' names? Michelle, Catherine and Benjamin. Oh, classic. Okay, get rid of Kathy. You have to take off Benjamin and Katherine.

Benjamin, of course, OB1 Kenobi went by Ben Kenobi on Tatooine. Shut up, nerd, shut up. And so, Benjamin. Okay, and get rid of Kathy. Get rid of Kathy, because we've got a cat. So what was it? It was Michelle, Katherine.

Katherine, Benjamin. This is a very sort of traditional Jane. 62, that's a, I thought Michelle was a 1980s name. But Michelle could be the baby. But then Michelle Obama. Yeah, true. Yeah. Michelle Obama. Laura Bush.

Does it have to be Laura Bush? Well no. And Melania Trump. Melania Trump? Or just First Ladies. I'm gonna go Melanie. Are you going First Ladies? Yeah, let's go back.

Who were the other famous First Ladies? Melanie Linsky's. Jill. Jill Biden's. That was Joe Biden's, that was Jill Biden. I swear to God. Nancy, Nancy Reagan. And I'm out, and I'm absolutely out.

Who was the one, Betty Ford? Well done. Betty Ford, yes. Oh, what about, um. Put a Jackie on there. Yep, Jackie for President Kennedy. Kennedy. Kennedy. Okay. Next um. Put a Jackie on there. Jackie for president Kennedy. Okay, next question.

That was fruitful. Now this is either you can, if she doesn't have it or you haven't discussed it, just feel free to say no, we haven't talked about it. But if she has discussed it more, what are your mum's funeral plans? Oh, that's dark. I know it's dark.

I know it's dark. But it's kind of like, I've been talking to my mum a little bit about it because she just lost her mum. Yeah. Right. And she doesn't want a fancy coffin, does she? She said that to you. No. Yeah. No.

Let it be known that neither do we. But then neither did my man, but they still got her an extensive one. Why do we ignore people's wishes? I don't know. They chuck me in a like- Put me in a TV box. You're going in an old fridge box. Yeah, no.

Babes, you're not fitting in a TV box. Have you seen your ass? Jesus Christ. Hopefully. You're going in a chest freezer box. Excuse me, have you seen how in a TV box. Have you seen your ass? Jesus Christ. Hopefully. You're going in a chest freezer box. Excuse me, have you seen how big TV boxes are? They're actually way too big. They're firm, they're slim, they're flat.

No, you're not. Okay, okay, tomorrow on the show we're going to get your TV box and we're going to see if Fletch can fit in the TV box. I reckon I've still got mine. Can you work in the TV box? My TV box somewhere. This is going to be confronting. You're not going to fit in a TV box.

Can I fit in a TV box? No. No, they're flat. They're too flat. You're going in a chest freezer box. I mean, I imagine box? Nah. No, they're flat. They're too flat? You're going in a chest freezer box. I imagine there'll be a bowl. Your crotch bowl's your own.

I'm not squeezing you in a TV box. Granted, I'm going to be dead years before you. Put me in a fridge box. You're taking... Sorry, Sarah, we're taking up your valuable time, but he's not getting in a TV box. Does your mum have funeral plans? I'm sorry, we've completely forgot about you, Sarah.

We haven't really discussed it. She's only just in a TV box. Does your mum have funeral plans? I'm sorry, we've completely forgot about you, Sarah. We haven't really discussed it. She's only just made a will, but it'll probably be pretty low-key. Do you know if, are you the executor? Are you the one in charge? I am. Yes, I'm. Yeah, me too. Yes, Sarah.

We all give executive, we're all executors, aren't we? Yeah, welcome to the team. We're on an executive committee, Sarah. All of us. Yeah, we are, yeah. Cause we're just like, you know, onto it, aren't we? Is she going in the ground or is she going in the fire? Don't know. Well, you gotta have that chat, Sarah.

Make that chat today. I don't know, how is this gonna give you a name, Vaughan? I don't know, it just gives me a vibe of the sort of person I'm dealing with, you know? Well, she's only just sorted out of well. That's very last minute. What's a woman that's very last minute? I'm gonna go with Patricia,

but she probably goes by Trish. Okay. She plays fast and low. So this what I'm thinking about. Lindsay, yes Lindsay. She might be a Margaret but she goes by Mags. Okay. So Tina? Yeah Tina from Turners. Yeah. I've already told you it's Suzy but don't worry about it. Not my game you know I'm not playing. Yeah. Okay what's mum's favourite sweet treat? We've got Sharon on there, sorry. Oh, I'll put Sharon on there. Sharon Osborne.

Is it because she just out with Ozzy? No, no, I've just, yes, but I've just popped into the text machine here. Oh, okay, any other texts? Do you guys have ADHD? That was sort of the other, that was the other one. Yeah, that's kind of what the show's built on. Well, they can't diagnose it with you

if you refuse to go to the appointment. Yeah. Um, I'm busy. Someone the show's built on. Well they can't diagnose it with you if you refuse to go to the appointment. Yeah. I'm busy. Someone say that's giving Rachel. That's too young. No, but she's her sister's Michelle. Yeah. Cherry put it down.

Put it down. Okay next question. Oh wait, what's my sweet treat of choice? Oh anything. Chocolate, yeah. Karen likes her puds. Yeah Karen's on the list. Do you, has she tried that new Banoffee chocolate thing?

Yeah. So you'd say... Karen likes her puds. Yeah, Karen's on the list. Do you, um, has she tried that new, um, um, Banoffee chocolate thing that... What are causes of this? God, that's good. No, not yet. Get her a block. Just, like, because you've brought it up, just say that I've had four blocks of that to myself. I'm not even kidding.

I've had four blocks of it to myself. Really good. You know, Vicky's got a sweet tooth. So does Alison. Does she? That's from the text machine. Would I have the last question? Donna?

Donna, yes! We got Donna! This list is getting fat. Okay and final question, what kind of phones your mum got? Samsung. Yeah, I was getting Samsung energy. Linda. It is.

I was getting energy that she's a green text Samsung user. Yeah. Heather. Heather. Heather has a Samsung. Yes. Ah Barbara. Barbara, yeah.

Barbara on the same day. Barbara. That's good, right now it's a big list. Sarah, you're gonna have to read this quickly, Vaughan. Vaughan's now got 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. If you hear your mum's name, yell out, stop, that's my mum's name. Vaughan, now got 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. If you hear your mum's name, yell out, stop, that's my mum's name. Vaughn, your time starts now.

Leia, Carrie, Jenny, Karen, Patsy, Chris, Bev, Laura, Melanie, Jill, Nancy, Betty, Jackie, Patricia, Trish, Margaret. Which one? Jackie. Jackie, oh. Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. First woman.

It was Jackie of the Kennedy's That's how we got there. Presidential first wives. Yeah Well there we go you've won a hundred dollars cash Sarah and you have triggered B-b-b-bonus round! While you're on the phone I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name One guess no questions one guess what is dad's name. Your dad's name. One guess, no questions, one guess. What is dad's name Vaughan? What's John? Jackie, Jackie and John, Jackie and John.

Because of John F. Kennedy. John F. Kennedy. Jackie and John. I think they were born around the time, I would not be surprised if Jackie was named after Jacqueline Assas. Yeah. Yeah.

President Kennedy's wife. I feel like dad is also named of someone of the time. Yeah. Who was a big deal around that time? George. Clooney. You're thinking Beatles. I was thinking Bush.

Nah, he wouldn't have been. Nah, it was before me. Nah, too young. Before. What about? Jackie and, Mark and Jackie. Mark. Mark and Jackie.

Named after who? I don't think it matters. Bob. Robert. Probably a Richard. Robert. Named after Bob Dilley. Okay well Vaughan, you are going to need a guess now. Dad's name. Jackie and... I think I've just spent all my spiritual energy, I'm not feeling a strong connection to anything. It feels absurd to have Mark and Jackie because that's two K's. Mark, Jacky. Yeah Mark and Jack they call's two K's. Mark, Jack, yeah. Mark and Jack they call her, that's quite nice though. Is it too late for a quick spiritual connection with Sarah? No it's too late. Sarah can I have a hum? Can I have a spiritual connection?

Oh you're saying it is too late. It's too late. It's too late. Okay sorry you've missed that Mark. Sarah shut up. It's all because your energy has been expended. Yeah. Vaughn. What is Buzz short for? I'm trying to send it to you with my brain. Okay. What was Buzz Aldrin's real name? Lightyear. Lightyear. Is it short for Lightyear? It's short for Buzz Lightyear. Can you just tell me what Buzz Aldrin's... I'm not Googling. It was a nickname obviously wasn't it? Edwin Buzz Aldrin. It's just, you know, it was just a nickname. Nickname was established early on in Life by his sister. It's irrelevant. I think, I think. You're one of the astronauts. Another by his sister. It's irrelevant. I think I got it! Who are the astronauts?

Another astronaut? Neil! Wait, yeah Neil Armstrong. And who was the one that stayed on and never got off? Keith. No that's not right. But that's his problem. Everybody forgets him because he didn't get off. Yeah. Look, I don't know Vaughan. Just guess. Time is up. Vaughan we need a name. I feel like I had a little clue there. but I'm going to lock in an astronaut.

I'm going to go, it's not Edwin. I think I'm. If I could remember that other person, I'd go with them. But I'm going to go for default. I'm going to go with Neil, because I think around the same time, they were a big person, big name, big deal. Neil Young. Yeah, Neil. Diamond. Great time. She ruined it.

She gave you a clue. I don't know if I'll accept this. Oh, he's grumpy. What? Do you know the answer? Well, listen to it, Sarah, is your dad Neil? Yes. You see? She gave it away with her sigh.

She said another astronaut. She was questioned. No, she said another astronaut. There's only one other. I mean, there's only Neil. There's only Neil and the other one. Buzz. Edwin.

I am deeply disappointed. Oh wow. And I will be gagging for the callers going through. Oh really? I will be turning their microphones off. I mean if you Google names of astronauts, I gotta tell you, Neil comes up pretty quick. Neil's pretty top top.

And then Yuri. I might take 50% off for a penalty bonus. Yeah, for a speaking up bonus. A speaking out bonus. A speaking up penalty. A speaking up penalty. Do you get that, Sarah? You for a speaking up bonus speaking out bonus speaking up speaking up penalty Do you get that Sarah you got a speaking up penalty? She's you should you should you really get into you ruin the game now. She's everybody listening

I'm not angry. I'm so disappointed Me and you as well You have fishing you were fishing. You were fishing. Yeah, well, but so do those bloody mediums that go to sell out shows and talk to dead people. No, they go on Facebook and Google before the show. I think, I think.

And see who's status is really a fighter for tonight. Congratulations, you've won cash today. $150 with a $50 speaking up penalty. Speaking up penalty there, yeah. Just be lucky we didn't dock the whole amount and press charges. Don't be angry at Sarah like this. No, Sarah, we hope you have a good day,

but just let this be a lesson learned. Yeah, for future players as well for the game. Yeah, because it just ruins it for everybody listening. I'm just saying, I'm not angry, just disappointed. Next on the show. Next on the show, I'm 35, apparently not. Apparently I'm 66. Hurt myself.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Today's a confronting day, hear that? It's August, I've just been approved my Christmas leave. But that's weird because we just got back from Christmas break. I know, dude, I just got that leave through too and I was like, man we're planning for Christmas. Dude, I just got that lead through too, and I was like, man, we're planning for Christmas. Wait, I haven't got mine through.

Oh, you actually have to work through. No, you have to work through. You have to work through. Oh, lame. Because me and Vaughn got it and snapped it up. Right, okay. Off on a romantic holiday together. Yep.

Okay. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. No, I'm grumpy because I've hurt my back and I'm not a back person. You're nothing. And then you, Vaughan, and you, Fletch, and Ross Boss came in and started talking to me like I'm now a bad back person.

You are a bad back person. I'm not in the club. No. You are. I refuse. Once you get a bad back, you're not ever not a bad back person. You're just a not right now bad back person. No, shut up.

Don't curse me with this. I'm not a bad back person. You're always on the right now bad back person. Shut up, don't curse me with this, I'm not a bad back person. You're always on the precipice of one quick twist away from being that person again. It's lower back too. That feels like the age one. You know what I mean? Yeah, cause neck and shoulder, that upper back, that's just more of a you've done something a bit too much. Yeah, cause my neck and my back's fine.

My neck and my back, my leg. My neck and back. No, but remember I said I went running and I was thumping on the sand and I sort of put my back out and then I thought it came right and then yesterday I hit the deadlifts, hit the squats and everything and the back said, computer said no basically. So I'm heaty, I'm sweet and I'm going to hit Fletcher's physio. Yeah, good. Do you reckon they'll tell me a little goss about you?

Well no, because there's patient confidentiality. No, not physio. I'm not physio. Phys you? Well, no, because there's patient confidentiality. No, not physio. You're not physio. You're serotonin. Physio is not the same. Physio is a dentist. It's psychiatrist.

They don't have to obey that rule. Don't they? No. Your mate's got manky teeth. I think they'll just tell me that. Yeah. That's what they're allowed to say. You're allowed to say it.

You're not allowed to say, you're like, oh, so I heard that flit, oh, so come here. Yeah. Because you've got your mouth full of their hands. Yeah. And you're not sure what to put their tongue in. And they're like, oh my god, Fletch, man, he's got manky teeth.

And then they'll be like, you want to see his x-rays and have a laugh at his decay? I'm pretty sure he's got receding gum. Dentists and physios, and then they're like, oh yeah, he's giving physio Fletch a stretch and a massage and he did a fart, man, what a mank. Now I'm going to go and look at the glass. And I go to the same dentist,

and then I go to the same dentist and someone they show me as X-ray. Now physios and dentists don't have to obey that rule. Really? Oh, tell Hayley the phone. Tell Hayley, someone just texted her, that lower back is where we carry our financial burden. And she just needs to do a personal recession properly.

Oh, there's a chiropractor listening to the show. Yeah. Making it up as they go along. I'm upset and I just want to formally announce and mark this in the sand, I'm not a bad back person. You are. I'm not, I'm not. You are now, a person with a bad back.

I'm nerve damage in the knee, I'm not bad back. That's me, I just say. I'm sorry. I've got, no, I'm ovary based. They're not mutually exclusive. No, no, no, Mike Walms and Aylman's are ovary based. I'm not a back person. No, you are a back person.

You watch this space. You're a dumpster fire. Okay. That actually felt, it's only funny when it's not true. You were walking today like you just needed it. I came in eight this morning. Like a stretcher? A walker. A walker, yeah.

I bent over? It's not that way, it's the bent over, the hunched over. When John Mayer sung the song Your Body is a Wonderland, he was describing a theme park of a body. And then Hurricane Katrina hit the theme park and now you're abandoned six flags in Orlando. So what would his song be? Your Body is a Dumpster Fire. Your Body is a Dumpster Fire.

Well good luck, good luck at the physio. Thank you, I hope they give me gossip about when you fart and you're silly. Play ZM's Fletch, Bourne and Hayley. Fact of the day, day to be a test every day. Fletch! Yesterday, the fact is that was about PAN-grams. Can you please tell me what a PAN-gram is and give an example? It's when you use every letter in the alphabet to make a sentence.

Could you give me an example of one of those? Yeah, the lazy x-rayed fox jumped over the lilophone. Well, you think this is a joke? You think your education is a joke? Oh, yes, I do actually. Go to the principal's office. Do you know what's crazy? You know when things are a bit fortuitous or a bit tingly-wingly?

Yeah. I went to an antique store yesterday and there was a vintage typewriter there and a little piece of paper and to test it was just the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. And I was like there it is that's it Oh quick brown fox jumps jumps someone messaged us yesterday Yes jumps, that's where the S comes from. Now should you are in a good you did want to go into a personal recession should be going into an antique store? Well I don't know about going in but you should see what I walked out with.

Oh Hayley. Oh it's amazing it's a walked out with. This is, oh, Hayley. Oh, it's amazing, it's a one-off. What is it? Is it a secret? It's just private. Oh, it's a painting of a Māori warrior. Hayley, this is a thing about a personal recession. You've got no choice when you enter it. No. Do you know what I mean?

Alright, today we're learning about anadromes. Any idea of what an anadrome is? Um, the Air Force is where they park the planes. Anadromes are... Anadrome. It's a... the word is of Greek origin. Two Greek words. Oh, that makes it easier to figure out. Anna meaning back or again.

Or Annie, are you okay? And dromos, which gives us the drome, running. So what is it? Running running. It's a word that when you reverse it spells a new and meaningful word Palindrome, which is the same word front and backwards like which is Anna Emma Emmy Word it's the same word so that's a palind Canal. No, but it's not a new word. It's the same word. So that's a palindrome and anandrome is a new and meaningful word.

For example, diaper backwards is repaid. Reward backwards is draw. Haley backwards is yell-ya. Yell-ya. Yell-ya. Lived backwards is devil. Oh. Yeah.

So it's an example of a word that forms a completely new... Give us more, I want more, I want more, I want more. Name tag turns into gate man. Okay, Shannon's got one. You mean nehershes? Oh, I had a palindrome. I'm a few seconds behind, but race car is my favourite. Yeah, that's a good one.

A man a plan a canal Panama is a palindromic sentence. Whoa. Race car I didn't even think of. I was like no it's not. And I was like, yes it is. Yeah it is, yeah it is. Crazy stuff. That's crazy stuff.

My club penguin password was my name backwards and it was Nanosh. Nanosh. I thought that was cool. Oh my god someone just texted and sent. I feel like Shannon's just given out her Club Penguin password, but she's also still using it as an adult.

Someone just texted in a version. They said, my name is this, Lana. Oh, Lana. Oh, Lana. Liam has had a more wholesome response. His name backwards is male. As a neat letter in a post box. Yeah. Not as male agenda. letter in a post box. Yeah.

Not as male agenda. I think lan is funny. Yeah. A straw is warts, slip is pills, which is a type of beer, not pills, there's enough L's for pills. Dod is dog. Good fun.

So you'll be tested on that tomorrow, and I don't want any funny guy answers. Okay. Learning. Today's Fact of the Day is an anodrome is a word that forms another word when spelled backwards. Fact of the day day day day day. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Play ZM's Fleshborne in Hayley I saw a story yesterday and this reminded me of something that I knew somebody did in the like 2000s A New Zealand man has been sent to prison for 25 years for identity deception So he pretended to be his brother for 25 years.

What? And not only that, he entered a sham marriage to get citizenship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is his brother? Is his brother dead? I'm sure. Because I think if your brother dies,

you should be allowed to pretend to be, huh? That's my own personal preference. What about like back in the day when someone died and they just like assumed them, and because there were no computers and like we weren't that connected. People would just go to like a graveyard and find like someone that died as a baby

and just be like that's me now. Weren't dead babies voting? I don't know probably. What are you talking about? Wasn't that some electoral fraud? Yeah. So, um. Okay Trump.

He, yeah he's. The dead babies! They're voting! They're voting! They're voting! So he was jailed in the Auckland District Court. He was found guilty of 29 offences. What a naughty boy!

29 offences? I'd be more scared if I had any more than three offences. Yeah, he got... They're gonna get me on one. Four years, but it was a 25 year identity deception. So he was doing this for 25 years. I was gonna say, cause you'd get less for a murder. But so the sham marriage is the part of the story that reminded me of like,

man, I don't know, I would have been like maybe 20 or 21. And I knew a guy my age who had been paid 10 grand and then another 10 grand at the end, when it was all like official, to marry someone who he went to uni with, cause were from overseas they just had to pretend to be together and stuff and he got $20,000. I reckon I've got no short of four friends that have married for visas. But what do the other people get out of them? They're friends with them so they're like oh I want you to stay in this country so just marry me? Or like I don't plan on getting married like what's it to me to help you stay in this country? I don't even sort of really care.

But I had one friend who did it and it backfired because then they were kind of dating and then he turned into a bit of a prick. And when she travelled overseas, he'd alerted Border Security or whatever about a debt she'd left behind in London and so she got stopped at this thing and then he'd kind of like done this thing as this is my wife. It could be messy. And then when you go to get married another one of my friends went to get married and had forgotten and was like oh god I'm getting married. Wait you're about to get married and you just forgot that you You're like deja vu vu, oh no! When I was 20, I married this person

and I've got to get a divorce from them now. I remember when I was a student and it was even a storyline on Shortland Street, you could marry to get extra student allowance. Yes. And people were doing it. And people were supporting your partner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So good. Yeah, this is what I wanted to talk about because I reckon it would 100% still happen whether it's marrying a friend so they can stay in the country, whether it's marrying a friend so they can have a passport to travel, whether it's getting paid to do it. Yes like maybe not just for a visa like did you have a scam like a sham marriage for a reason. Yeah for whatever reason. Yeah. Okay 0800 DALZM and will obviously remain anonymous, no names, you can text in as well, 9696. Did you, yeah.

Get married for a visa. Yeah, did you get married for a visa or another sham? Were you a part of a sham marriage? For whatever reason. Are we already starting to get messages? Yeah. Yes, okay, juicy, I love it. 0800 DALZM, give us a call.

We want to know if you've ever been a part of a sham marriage, whether it was to get someone to stay in the country, whether you were paid. Get a visa. Yeah. Get some cash. Okay, and there are some stories coming through. Yeah.

Someone said it's actually harder now than it used to be though. I had a baby with one partner pregnant with a second with shared finances and it still wasn't enough evidence of a relationship Because he was Scottish and I was a Kiwi She had one baby with him and pregnant with the second same person. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay Yeah, the way you read it. It sounded like you had a couple of babies with them. Isn't that like pretty? Huge evidence anonymous joins us on the phone. Good morning anonymous. What what happened? Good morning. Can you hear me? Yes, we're anonymous. I hate anonymous proceed I'm not gonna mention names or areas. Okay.

But when I... It's already giving big South Island energy, but carry on. I thought one already, but yeah, carry on. I'm caught. I'm caught. So when I was about 17, we had some neighbours move in next door. And the mum just always seemed to have a lot of money and her sons were quite young and we got my sister and I became quite friendly with the sons and it slowly started coming out that like their mum had been married nine times

previously and she was bringing people in from overseas and she would fake set it up and then they would make up a big story that they cheated on her and that was grounds for divorce. And then she would wait a year and then bring someone else in. How did you get away with this more than once? I think back then it was a lot different. I don't think you could do it now. So she used to stage the house. So I actually ended up becoming inefficient inefficient in one of the sons marriages.

So she started getting her sons involved in it. And I had to be an efficient at this fake wedding and they would set up the house and make it look like the girl was living there with them and she would come and stay for a week. This is wild. How much money would these people be paying them to do this? Back then it was around, it was the same as the story that you've had earlier. They would get 10 grand upfront and then an amount later.

Cause you'd think it would be way more. That's just not enough to live off and be bothered with all this house stuff. But you'd think it would be more now. Back then that was a lot of money. Yeah it was back then, yeah. I'm 38 now, you know, so this was back when I was 17. That was a lot of money. This is small town scandal! It is small town scandal, isn't it?

It's wild! Oh my gosh! And do you know what happened to them? Did they stop doing it? We ended up moving away and I honestly, I never kept in contact with them because they were a little strange but. Obviously. I'll tell you what, they sound a little bit odd. Were they?

Little bit odd. Were they committing immigration fraud? A little bit strange. Anonymous, thanks for your calls. So many messages, we'll get to more of those next. 0800 DARZM, text through 9696. Georgia is in, who does the day show on ZM? She joins us.

You just got married this year for a visa, didn't you? I did actually. After America I go. Oh no, staying here. What do I do it for? Yeah, no you're staying here. I'm staying here. You're screwed enough, you're married for a visa, but you've both got the same passport.

Yeah, damn, what a waste. Yeah. An absolute waste. Lots of messages in. Well, you are a Nazi on the run after World War II. I don't know if you can call me that. Under the nose to my family, my older brother married his girlfriend for the student allowance until I found his marriage certificate.

Families went ballistic and that was the end of that. However, many years later when he went to get married, he never told his fiancé that he had been married before and didn't realise it was shows because it does say it's divorced, right? Oh, right. He doesn't realise it was show on the new marriage certificate two days before he had to tell her. It went down very badly, but they did get married. Are they still together? Oh yeah, are they still together?

They did get married. That's my follow-up. I work at an immigration firm, so we see everything. Although being married actually means nothing to immigration, as they would have to acknowledge religion and culture as a factor. As a gay. It would be pretty offensive As a guy it would be pretty offensive considering gay marriage has only been legal for 12 years in New Zealand You have to approve a lot about the relationship to get a partner visa So these people must be going above and beyond like I've heard having, like don't you have to give them your text messages?

Yeah. That's what they say. Holiday photos. But imagine your like flirty text messages when you first get together with someone. Yeah. Like filthy. What time are you here?

Cause I'm gonna, and then you better, and you're like, oh hey, immigrator, sorry. And that one fledge, yeah. Said recently, if you've got a boat, I've gotta. Yeah. Finish the sentence. Oh no, I've got to finish the sentence. I said that to Hayley in confidence. As we walked past the boat, she showed me a funny me.

After a few margaritas around other people. Showing me a funny me that was private. It's nuts how many people think a piece of paper will get you New Zealand citizenship and then we just tell them they've wasted their time because we need all the other supporting evidence. How about that? I mean, isn't it pretty easy to get citizenship? Don't you just work here for five years and then go move to Australia like everybody else? Like every other South African. But do you think, and I'm going to spoil it now, but do you think Fletch, you and I could

get married because you've got access to a British passport and I wouldn't mind one, and then you'd be able to prove a long relationship, you'd be able to prove text messages back and forth not flirty. They'll be like why is Vaughan involved in this conversation? Why are you late this morning Hayley? Where are you? Why does your partnership chat also have some other random guy in it called Vaughan? I didn't go through with it but I was offered $20,000 to marry a friend's cousin. I'd never met him and he wasn't even in the country. But as a poor 19 year old student,

I seriously consider that. How you would though, you would. You would. Following up from the immigration lawyer again, yes clients have sent us their disgusting sexual text messages. Who yuck. We have to black out the sexual part

before we provide it as evidence in that case. Black it out, but just have a moment. But black it out, I'll tell you mates. Get on that group chat, you know what I mean? And definitely judge her if it's cramp, get a group chat, you know what I mean. And definitely judge her if it's crack or not. Would you, you know? But wait, what if there's naughty pictures?

Ask the immigration lawyer that, what if there's naughty pictures? Okay, immigration lawyer. I bet they've seen some hot Brazilian wang. Oh wang. They've seen some wang. Some tatay. A chorus of wang. Wangs.

Can we get a little update on whether or not you saw some beautiful Brazilian wangs? My friend had a registry office wedding for a visa. They were actually together but not ready for marriage. So only their friends knew they'd done it. Five years later they got married for real and had a full wedding. Had to make some fake paperwork to sign so that their parents didn't sniff out something. Amazing. But they got married for love.

That's nice. Just to keep them here so they could. It's like a movie, like we married for the visa, but now we're in love. But we fell in love. Oh, that's a great title. Working, actually, you can probably work on that. Work on that. Yeah, it's a bit long.

It won't fit on those Scrooge movie electronic billboards out the front of the movie. It would make for a great, what is that? Hallmark, great Hallmark movie. I don't think this has been a single great Hallmark movie. Lots of nerds. The immigration lawyer said they see all the nerds. Great, what is that? Hallmark. Great Hallmark movie. I don't think this has been a single great Hallmark movie. Lots of nerds. The immigration lawyer said they see all the nerds.

Oh my god, what? Any good ones? What the fuck? I feel like we're just delaying the show. We were so clear on the wang. Yeah, like how big. We got big. What do you wanna know?

What's the biggest wang you've seen? I feel like that would be a great Ask Me Anything podcast, like an immigration lawyer. Yeah. Yes. What's the thing you're saying? How perky are they? How perky are they?

In your experience, what nation is the hottest nude? Yes. Okay. I think that's the question we need answered from the immigration lawyer. Okay, immigration lawyer, we're waiting. The show doesn't end till you let us know what. No, no.

Read out some more messages while they're on. There's no more messages. No, there's no more messages that are readable. Some of them are a bit dodgy. Oh, okay. Yeah, a bit sort of like. Wait, how dodgy? Like, shouldn't have, like forced?

Oh, that's a bit. Yeah, kind of a bit, yeah. Don't like, shh. Yeah, wow. Great. It happens, doesn't it? My friend got married to have a surgery, what does that? I asked that person what surgery they were referring to

and they never got back. Oh wow. Their loss, because they could be our new favourite texter but they're not. Yeah. Immigration guy. Immigration lawyer said, it's opened my eyes to what the average person might be sexing

their partner and their kinks. It's pretty grim out there, guys. Grim? Okay, next question immigration lawyer. Who's got the hottest wang? Who's got the hottest wang? What's the hottest country? Yeah what's the hottest country? Trying to get in the air. And who should we be letting in more of? This is a real tease. I feel like I've asked ten times and no one's listening. I've gotta go. Georgia on the show today, more chances to go in the draw for the ZM World Tour in the Kona Passport edition. Yes, 11 and 1. And Georgia, is it true you'll be playing songs on the show today?

Oh, 100% it's Argentina for the best nodes. Argentina for the best nodes. Yes, I was re- were you thinking it was going to be Brazil? I thought it was going to be South America somewhere. I thought it was going to be Africa. I'm going to be honest, I was going to be going to Africa. And again, I will say this is great advertising for red meat. Because the Argentinians eat a lot of red meat in Brazil. I'm gonna be honest, I said it to Africa. And again, I will say this is great advertising for red meat. Cause the Argentineans eat a lot of red meat in Brazil.

It's bad for you, you're always harping on about chicken. And I'm just like, I think it's red meat. Well, I'm worried that you'll die early because you're red. But I'll die happy and full of steak. You'll die with a bloody ribs in your mouth. Yeah, with a ribs, cause of death. Ribs.

Ribs and mouth. Okay, if you had to rate, review or marry Fletch, Vaughan or Hayley, what one would it be? Okay, I would marry Hayley. I would have sex...wait, which one is it? No, no, no, it's only rate, review, marry. Oh, okay. No comment. If you have sex with the podcast, I don't know how that would work. Give us a sexy little review though.